Le_Sage_Gil_Blas.txt topic ['13', '324', '378', '393']
BOOK I.
CHAPTER THE FIRST.
TBI TRVDCE ATTACHMENT BCTWBEN GIL BLAS AMD DAHC
LORENZA StPHORA.
Away went I to Xelva with three thousand ducats
under my charge, as an equivalent to Samuel Simon for
the amount of his loss. I will have the honesty to own,
that my fingers itched as I jogged along, to transfer
these funds to my own account, and begin my steward-
ship in character, since every thing in this life depends
upon setting out well. There was no risk in preferring
instinct to principle : because it was only to ride about
the country for five or six days, and come home upon a
brisk trot as if I had done my business, and made the
best of my way. Don Alphonso and his father would
never have believed me capable of a breach of trust.
Yet, strange to tell, I was proof against so tempting a
suggestion : it would scarcely be too much to say, that
honour, not the fear of being found out, was the spring
of so praiseworthy a decision ; and, as times go, that is
saying a great deal for a lad, whose conscience had been
pretty well seasoned by keeping company with a long
succession of scoundrels. Many people who have not
that excuse, but frequent worshipful society, will wonder
how such squeamishness should have prevailed over my
good Bense : treasurers of charities in particular ; per-
sons who have the wills of relations in their custody,
and do not exactly like the contents ; in short, all
those whose characters stand higher than their prihci-
3
14 GIL BLAB.
pies, will find food for reflection in my orerstrained
scrupulosity.
Alter having made restitution to the merchant, who
little thought ever to have seen one farthing of his pr6p-
erty again, I returned to the Castle of Leyva. The
Count de Polan had taken his departure, and was far on
his journey to Toledo with Julia and Don Ferdinand.
I found my new master more wrapped up than ever in
Seraphina; his Seraphina equally wrapped up in my
master, and Don Cesar just as much wrapped up as
either m the contemplation of the happy couple. My
object was to gain the good-will of this affectionate
father, and I succeeded to my wish. The whole house
was placed implicitly under my superintendence ; noth-
ing was done without my special direction ; the tenants
paid their rents into my hands ; the disbursements of
the family were all under my revision ; and the subor-
dinate situations in the household were at my disposal
without appeal : and yet the power of tyrannising did
not give me the inclination, as it has always' hitherto
done to my equals and superiors. I neither turned
away the male servants, because I did not like the cut of
their beards, nor the female ones, because they happen-
ed not to like the cut of mine. If they made up to Don
Cesar or his son at once, without currying my favour as
the channel of all good graces, far from taking umbrage
at them on that account, I spoke out officiously in their
behalf. In other respects, too, the marks of confidence
my two masters were incessantly lavishing on me, in*
spired me with a substantial zeal for their service. Their
interest was my real object ; there was no sleight of
hand in my ministry ; I was such a caterer for the gen-
eral good, as you rarely -meet with in private families.
or in political societies.
While I was hugging myself on the well-earned pros-
perity of my condition, love, jealous of my dealings with
fortune, was bent en sharing my gratitude by the addi-
tion of a higher zest* He planted, watered, and ripened
in the heart of Dame Lorenza Sephora, Seraphina's con-
fidential woman, an abundant crop of liking for the hap-
py steward. My Helen, not to sink the fidelity of the
historian in* the vanity of the man, could not be many
months short of her fiftieth year. But for all that, a
look of wholesomeness, a face none of the ugliest, and
two good-looking eyes, of which she knew the efficient
GIL BLAS. 16
use, might make her still pass for a decent bit of amuse-
ment in a summer evening. I could only just have
been thankful for a little more relief to her complexion,
since it was precisely the colour of chalk ; but that I
attributed to maiden concealments, which had eaten
away all the damask of her cheek.
The lady ogled me for a long time, with ogles that
savoured more of passion than of chastity ; but, instead
of communing in the language of the eyes, I made pre-
tence at first not to be sensible of my own happiness.
Thus did my gallantry appear as if arrayed in its first
blushes ; a circumstance which was rather tempting than
repulsive to her feelings. Taking it into her head, there-
fore, that there was no standing upon dumb eloquence
with a young man who looked more like a novice than
he was, at our very first interview she declared her sen-
timents in broad, unequivocal term3, that I might have
no plea for misinterpretation. She played her part like
an old stager ; affected to be overwhelmed with confu-
sion while she was speaking to me ; and after having
said all she wanted to say in a good audible voice, put
her hand before her face, to hide the shame which was
not there, and make me believe that she was incommo-
ded by the delicacy of her own feelings. There was no
standing such an attack ; and though vanity had a larger
share in my surrender than the tender passion, I did not
receive her overtures ungraciously. Nay, more, I pre-
sumed to overlook decorum in my vivacity, and acted
the impatient lover so naturally, as to call down a mod-
est rebuke upon my freedoms. Lorenza chid my fond*
ness ; but with so much fondness in her chidings, that
while she prescribed to me the coldness of an ancho-
ret, it was very evident she would have been miserably
disappointed if I had taken her prescription. 1 should
have pressed the affair at once to the natural termina-
tion of all such affairs, if the lovely object of my ardent
wishes had not been afraid of giving me a left-handed
opinion of her virtue, by abandoning the works before
the siege was regularly formed. This being so, we
parted, but with a promise to meet again : Sephora in
the full persuasion that her reluctant resistance would
stamp her for a vestal in my esteem, and myself full of
the sweet hope that the torments of Tantalus would
soon be succeeded by an ely sium of enjoyment.
My affairs were in this happy train, when one of Don
16 OIL BLA8.
. Cesar's under servants brought me such a piece of news
as gave an ague to my raptures. This lad was one of
those inquisitive inmates, who apply either an ear or an
eye to every keyhole in a house. As he paid his court
constantly to me, and served up some fresh piece of
scandal every day, he came to tell me one morning that
he had made a pleasant discovery, and that he had no
objection to letting me into the fun, on condition that
I would not blab : because Dame Lorenza Sephora was
the theme of the joke, and he was afraid of becoming
obnoxious to her resentment and revenge. I was too
much interested in coming at the story he had to tell,
not to swear myself into discretion through thick and
thin : but it was necessary that my motive should seem
curiosity, and not personal concern ; so that I asked him,
with an air of as much indifference a3 I could put on,
what was this mighty discovery about which he had
made such a piece of work. " Lorenza," whispered he,
" smuggles the surgeon of the village every evening into
her apartment : he is a tight vessel, well armed and
manned ; and the pirate generally stays pretty long upon
his cruise. 1 do not mean to say, 19 added he, with super-
cilious candour, " but that all this may be perfectly in-
nocent on both sides : but you cannot help admitting,
that where a young man does insinuate himself slyly
into a girl's bedchamber, he takes better care of his
own pleasure than of her reputation."
Though this tale gave me as much uneasiness as if
I had been verily and romantically in love, I had too much
sense to let him know it ; but so far stifled my feelings
as to laugh heartily at a story, which struck at the very
life of all my hopes. But when no witnesses were by,
I made myself full amends for having gulped down my
rising indignation. 1 blustered and stormed; mutter-
ed blessings on them the wrong way, and swore out*
right : but all this without coming nearer to a decision
on my own conduct. At one time, holding Lorenza in
utter contempt, it was my good pleasure to give her up
altogether, without condescending so far as to come to
any explanation with the coquette. At another time,
laying it down as a principle that my honour was con-
cerned in making the surgeon an example to all in*
triguers, I spirited up my courage to call him out. Thus
dangerous valour prevailed over safe indifference. At
the approach of evening I placed myself in ambuscade ;
GIL BLAS. 17
and, sure enough, the gentleman did slink into the temple
of my Vesta, with a fear of being found out that spoke
rather unfavourably for the purity of his designs. Noth-
ing short of this could have kept my rage alive against
the chillness of the night air. I immediately quitted
the precincts of the castle, and posted myself on the high
road, where the gay deceiver was sure to be intercept-
ed on hie return. I waited for him with my fighting
spirits on the full boil : my impatience increased with
the lapse of time, till Mars and Bellona seemed to in-
habit my frame, and enlarge it beyond human dimen-
sions. At length my antagonist came in sight. I took
a few strides, such as bully of Mars or Bellona might
have taken ; but I do not know how the devil it came
to pass, my courage went further off as my body came
nearer ; my frame was contracted within somewhat less
than its human dimensions, and my heart felt exactly
like the heart of a coward. The hearts of Homer's he-
roes felt exactly the same, when the dastardly dags
were not backed by a supernatural drawcansir ! In short,
I was just as much out of my element as ever Paris
was, when he pitted himself against Menelaus in sin-
gle combat. I began taking measure of this operator in
love, war, and anatomy. He appeared to be large
limbed and well knit, with a sword by his side of a most
abominable length. All this made me consider, that the
better part of valour is discretion : nevertheless, wheth-
er from the superiority of mind over the nervous sys-
tem in a case of honour, or from whatever other cause,
though the danger grew bigger as the distance dimin-
ished, and in spite of nature, which pleaded obstinately
that honour is a mere escutcheon, and can neither set a
leg nor take away the grief of a wound, I mustered up
boldness enough to march forward towards the surgeon,
sword in hand.
My proceeding seemed to him to be of the drollest.
w What is the matter, Signor Gil Bias ?" exclaimed he.
* Why all this fire and fury ? You are in a bantering
mood, to all appearance." " No, good Master Shaver,"
answered I, " no such thing : there never was any thing
more serious, since Cain killed Abel. 1 am determined
to try the experiment, whether as little preparation
serves your turn in the field of battle as in a lady's cham-
ber. Hope not that you will be suffered to possess
without a rival that heaven of bliss, in which you have
2*
18 OIL BLAB.
been indulging but this moment at the castle."" By all
the martyrdoms we phlebotomizers have ever suffered
or inflicted !" replied the surgeon, setting up a shout of
laughter, " this is a most whimsical adventure. As
heaven is my judge! appearances are very little to be
trusted. 1 ' At this put off, fancying that he had no keen-
er stomach for cold iron than myself, I got to be ten
times more overbearing. " Teach your parrot to talk
better Spanish," my friend, interrupted I : " do you
think we do not know a hawk from a hernshaw ! Im-
agine not that a simple denial of the fact will settle the
business." " I see plainly," replied he, " that 1 shall be
obliged to speak out, or some mischief must happen
either to you or me. I shall therefore disclose a secret
to you; though men in our profession cannot be too-
much on the reserve. If Dame Lorenza sends for me
into her apartment under suspicious circumstances, it is
only to conceal from the servants the knowledge of her
malady. She has an incurable ulcer in her back, which
I come every evening to dress. This is the real occa-
sion of those visits which disturb your peace. Hence-
forward, rest assured that you have her all to yourself.
But if you are not satisfied with this expectation, and
are absolutely bent on a fencing- match, you have only
to say so : I am not a man to turn my back upon a game
at sword-play." With these words in his mouth, he
drew his long rapier, which made my heart jump into
my throat, and stood upon his guard. " It is enough, 1 '
said I, putting my sword up again into its scabbard, "L
am not a wild beast, to turn a deaf ear to reason : after
what you have told me, there is no cause of enmity be-
tween us. Let us shake hands." At this proposal, by
which he found out that I was not such a devil of a fel-
low as he had taken me for, he returned his weapon
with a laugh, met my advances to be reconciled, and
we parted the best friends in the world.
From that time forward, Sephora never came into my
thoughts but with the most disgusting associations. I
ehunned all the opportunitiea she gave me of entertain- \
ing her in private ; and this with so obvious a study,
almost bordering on rudeness, that she could not but
notice it. Astonished at so sudden a reverse, she was
dying to know the cause; and, at length, finding the
means of pinning me down to a-tete-a-t2te, " Good Mr.
Steward," said she, "tell me, if so please you, why
OIL BLA8. 19
you avoid the very sight of me ? It is true that I made
the first advances; but then you fed the consuming
fire. Recall to memory, if it is not too great a favour,
the private interview we had together. Then you
were a magazine of combustibles ; now you are as fro-
zen as the North Sea. What is the meaning of all
this ?" The question was not a little difficult of solu-
tion, for a man unaccustomed to- the violence of amo-
rous interrogatories. The consequence was, that it puz-
zled me most confoundedly. I do not precisely recol-
lect the identical lie 1 told the lady, but 1 remember
Serfectly that nothing hut the truth could have affronted
er more highly. Sepbora, though, by her mincing air
and modest outside, one might have taken her for a
lamb, was a tigress when the savage was roused in her
nature. " I did think," said she, darting a glance at
me full of malice and hideousness, " I did think to have
conferred such honour as was never conferred before,
on a little scoundrel like you, by betraying sentiments
which the first nobility in the country would make it
their boast to excite. Fitly, indeed, am I punished, for
having preposterously lowered myself to the level of a
dirty snivelling adventurer."
That was pretty well ; but she did not stop there : I
should have come off too cheaply on such terms. Her
fury taking a long lease of her tongue, that brawling
instrument of discord rung a bob-major of invective,
each strain more clamorous and confounding than the
former. It certainly was my duty to have received it
all with cool indifference, and to have considered can*
didly that in triumphing over female reserve, and then
not taking possession of the conquest, I had committed
that sin against the sex, which would have transformed
the most feminine of them into a Sephora. But 1 was
too irritable to bear abuse, at which a man of sense in
my place would only have laughed ; and my patience
was at length exhausted. "Madam," said I, "let us
not rake into each other's personal misfortunes. If
tjhe first nobility had only looked at your back, they
would have forgotten all your other charms, and have
boasted but little of the sentiments they had excited
you to betray." I had no sooner laid in this home
stroke, than the enraged duenna visited me with the
hardest box on the ear^hat ever yet proceeded from
the delicate fingers of a woman scorned. Such favours
20 OIL BLAB.
might pall on repetition ; so I did not wait for a second,
but took shelter in the nimbleness of my legs from the
clatter of castigation she was going to shower down
on me.
I returned thanks to the protecting powers for having
brought me clear off from this unequal encounter, and
fancied that I had nothing further to apprehend, since the
lady had taken corporeal vengeance. It was likely, too,
that she would be wise and hold her tongue, for the hon-
our of her own back ; and, in point of fact, a full fortnight
had elapsed without my hearing a word upon the sub-
ject. The very tingling in my own cheek began to
abate, when I was told that Sephora was taken ilL
'With that forgiveness of injuries so natural to me, I
was sincerely afflicted at the news. I really felt for
the poor lady. I concluded that, unable to contend
with a passion so ill repaid, that hapless victim of her
own tenderness was giving up the ghost. It was with
exquisite pain that I turned this subject in my thoughts.
I was the cruel cause that her heart was breaking ; and
my pity, at least, was the duenna's, (hough love is too
wayward to be controlled by advice. But I was misera-
bly mistaken in her nature. Her tenderness had all
curdled into acrimonious hatred ; and at that very mo-
ment was she plotting to be my bane.
One morning while I was with - Don Alphonso, that
amiable young master of mine was absent, moody, and
out of spirits. I inquired, respectfully, what was the
matter. "I am vexed to the soul,*' said he, "to find
Seraphina weak, unjust, ungrateful. You are not a
little surprised at this," added he, remarking the ex-
pression of astonishment with which I heard him ; ' yet
nothing is more strictly and lamentably true. 1 know
not what reason you have given Dame Lorenza to be at
variance with you ; but true it is, you are become so
unbearably hateful to her, that if you do not get out of
this castle as soon as possible, her death, she says,
must be the sure consequence. You cannot but sup-
pose that Seraphina, who knows your value, used all
her influence at first against a prejudice, to which
she could not administer without injustice and wrati-
tude. But, though the best of women, she is'Mill a
woman. Sephora brought her up, and she lovfs her
like a mother. Should her old nurse die shortly, she
would fancy she had her death to answer for, had she
*
GIL 8LA8. 21
refused herself to any of her whims. For my own
part, with all my affection towards Seraph ina, and it is
none of the weakest, I will never be guilty of so mean,
a compliance as to side with her on this question.
Perish our duennas, perish the whole system, of our
Spanish vigilance ! but never let me consent to the
banishment of a young man, whom I look upon rather
as a brother than a servant !"
"When Don Alphonso had thus expressed his senti-
ments, I said to him, " My good sir, I am born to be
the mere whipping-top of fortune. It had been my
hope that she would leave off persecuting me when un-
der your roof, where every thing held out to me happy
days and an unruffled life. Now, the part for honour
to take is to tear myself away, whatever hankering I
may feel after my continuance." " No, no," exclaim-
ed the generous son of Don Cesar. "Leave me to
bring Seraphina to a proper view of things. It shall
never be said that you are sacrificed to the caprice of a
duenna, who, on -every occasion, has but too much in-
fluence over the family." " All you will get by it, sir,"
replied I, " will only be to put Seraphina in an ill-
humour by opposing her wishes. I had much rather
withdraw, than run the risk, by a longer abode here, of
sowing division between a married pair, who are a
model of conjugal felicity. Such a consequence of my
unhappy quarrel would make me miserable for the re-
mainder of my days."
Don Alphonso absolutely forbade me to take any
hasty step, and I found him so determined in the inten-
tion of standing by me, that Lorenza must have infalli-
bly been thrown into the back-ground, if I had chosen
to have stood an election against her. There were
moments when, exasperated against the duenna, I was
tempted to keep no measures with her; but when I
came to consider that to unravel this surgical mystery
would be to plunge a dagger into the heart of a poor
creature, whose curse had been my fastidious prejudice
against an ulcerated back, and whom a physical and
mental misfortune were conjointly handing down to
therave, 1 lost all feeling but that of compassion to-
wards her. It was evident, since I was so portentous
a phenomenon, that it was my imperious duty to re-
establish the tranquillity of the castle by my absence;
and that duty I performed the next morning before day-
22 OIL BLAS.
break, without taking any leave of my two masters, for
fear they should oppose my departure from a misplaced
partiality towards me. My only notice was to leave
behind in my chamber a memorial, containing an exact
account of my receipts and disbursements during the
time of my stewardship.
CHAPTER II.
WHAT HAPPENED TO OIL BLAB AFTER HIS RETREAT FROM TH1
CASTLE OF LEVVA ; SHOWING THAT THOSE WHO ARE CROSS-
ED IN LOVE ARE NOT ALWAYS THE MOST MI8ERABLE OF
MANKIND.
I was mounted on a good horse, my own property,
and was the bearer of two hundred pistoles, the greater
part of which arose from the plunder of the vanquished
banditti, and the forfeiture of Samuel Simon by the in-
quisition ; for Don Alphonso, without requiring me to
account for any part of the said forfeiture, had made
restitution of the entire sum out of his own funds.
Thus, considering my effects, however obtained, as con-
verted into lawful property, by a sort of vicarious spon-
sorship, I took them into my good graces without any
remorse of conscience. An estate Dke this rendered it
absurd to throw away airy thought about the future;
and a certain likelihood of doing well, which always
hangs about a young man of my age, held out an ad-
ditional security against the caprices of fortune. Be-
sides, Toledo offered me a retreat exactly to my mind.
There could not be a doubt that the Count de Polan
would take a pleasure in giving a kind reception to one
of his deliverers, and would insist on his accepting an
apartment in his own house. But I only looked upon
this nobleman as a very distant resource ; and deter-
mined, before laying any tax on his grateful recollec-
tion, to spend part of my ready cash in travelling over
the provinces of Murcia and Grenada, which I had a
very particular inclination to see. With this intention
I took the Almanza road, and afterward, following the
route chalked out, travelled from town to town as far as
the city of Grenada, without stumbling on any sinister
occurrence. It should seem as if fortune, wearied out
GIL BlAg. 2$
wkh. the schoolgirl's tricks she had been playing me,
Was contented at last to leave me as she found me.
But she still had her skittish designs upon me, as will
be seen in the sequel.
One of the first persons I met in the streets of Gre-
nada was Signor Don Ferdinand de Leyva, son-in-law,
as well as Don Alphonso, of the Count de Polan. We
were both of us equally surprised at meeting so far
from home. " How is this, Gil Bias 1" exclaimed he ;
" to find you in this city ! What the devil brings you
hither ?" u Sir," said I, " if you are astonished at see-
ing me in this country, you will be ten times more so
when you shall know why I have quitted the service
of Signor Don Cesar and his son." Then I recounted
to him all that had passed between Sephora and my-
self, without garbling the facts in any particular. lie
laughed heartily at the recital; then, recovering his
gravity, "My friend," said he, "my mediation is at
your service in this affair. I will write to my sister-in-
law " " No, no, sir," interrupted I, " do not write
upon the subject, I beseech you. I did not quit the
Castle of Leyva to go back again. You may, if you
please, make another use of the kindness you have ex-
pressed for me. If any of your friends should be look-
ing out for a secretary or a steward, I should be much
obliged to you to speak a good word in my favour. I
will take upon me to assure you that you will never
be reproached with recommending an improper object."
" You have only to command me," answered he ; "I
will do whatever you desire. My business at Grenada
is to visit an old aunt in an ill state of health. I shall
be here three weeks longer, after which I shall set out
on my return to my Castle of Lorqui, where I have left
Julia. That is my lodging," added he, showing me a
house about a hundred yards from us. " Call upon me
in a few days ; probably I may by that time have hit
upon some eligible- appointment."
And, in fact, so it was ; for the very first time that
we came together again, he said to me, " My Lord Arch-
bishop of Grenada, my relation and friend, is in want
of a young man, with some little tinge of literature, who
can write a good hand, and make fair copies of his
manuscripts, for he is a great author. He has com-
posed I know not how many homilies, and still goes on
composing more every day, which he delivers, to the
&4 OIL BIAS.
high edification of his audience. As you seem to be
just the thing for him, I have mentioned your name,
and he has promised to take you. Go, and make your
bow to him as from me ; you will judge by his recep-
tion of you, whether my recommendation has been
Couched in handsome terms."
The situation was, to all appearance, exactly what I
should have picked out for myself. That being the
case, with such an arrangement of my air and person as
seemed most likely to square with the ideas of a rever-
end prelate, I presented myself one morning before the
archbishop. If this were a gorgeous romance, and not
a grave history, here might we introduce a pompous
description of the episcopal palace, with architectural
digressions on the structure of the building : here would
be the place to expatiate on the costliness of the furni-
ture like an upholsterer, to criticise the statues and pic-
tures like a connoisseur ; and the pictures themselves
would be nothing to the uninformed reader, without the
stories they represent, till universal history, fabulous
and authentic, sacred and profane, should be pressed
into the service. But I shall content myself with mod-
estly stating, that the royal palace itself is scarcely su-
perior in magnificence.
Throughout the suite of apartments, there was a
complete mob of ecclesiastics and other officers, con-
sisting of chaplains, ushers, upper and menial servants.
Those of them who were laymen were most superbly
attired ; one would sooner have taken them for temporal
nobility than for spiritual understrappers. They were
as proud as the devil, and gave themselves intolerably
consequential airs. I could not help laughing in my
sleeve, when I considered who and what they were, and
how they behaved. Set a beggar on horseback ! said I.
These gentry are in luck to carry a pack without feeling
the drag of it ; for surely, if they knew they were beasts
of burden, they would not jingle their bells with so high
a toss of the head. I ventured just to speak to a grave
and portly personage who stood sentinel at the door of
the archbishop's closet, to turn it upon its hinges as oc-
casion may require. I asked him civilly if there was no
possibility of speaking with my lord archbishop. " Stop
a little," said he, with a supercilious demeanour and
repulsive tone : " his grace will shortly come forth, to
go to hear mass ; you may snatch an audience of a mo-
ment as he passes on." I answered not a single sylla-
Git BLAS. U
blei Patience was all I had for it ; and it even seemed
advisable to try and enter into conversation with seme
of the jacks in office : but they began conning me over
from the sole of my foot to the crown of my head, with*
out condescending to favour me with a single interjec-
tion ; after which they winked at one another, whisper-
ed, and looked out at the corners of their eyes, in deris-
ion of the liberty 1 had assumed, by intruding upon their
select society.
I felt, more fool that I did so, quite out of countenance
at such cavalier treatment from a knot of state footmen.
My confusion was but beginning to subside, when the
closet door opened. The archbishop made his appear-
ance. A profound silence immediately ensued among
his officers, who quitted at once their insolent behav-
iour, to adopt a more respectful style before their mas-
ter. That prelate was in his sixty-ninth year, formed
nearly on the model of my uncle, Gil Perez the canon,
which is as much as to say, as broad as he was long.
But the highest dignitaries should always be the most
amply gifted ; accordingly, his legs bowed inwards to the
very extremity of the graceful curve, and his bald head
retained but a single lock behind : so that he was obliged
to ensconce his pericranium in a fine woollen cap with
long ears. In spite of all this, 1 espied the man of
quality in his deportment, doubtless because 1 knew
that he actually happened to be one. We common fel-
lows, the fungous growth of the human dunghill, look
up to great lords with a facility of being overawed,
which often furnishes them with a Benjamin's mess of
importance, when nature has denied even the most
scanty and trivial gifts.
The archbishop moved towards me in a minuet step*
and kindly inquired what I wanted. I told him I was
the young man about whom Signor Don Ferdinand de
Leyva had spoken to him. He did not give me a mo-
ment to go on with my story. " Ah ! is it you," ex-
claimed he, " is it you of whom so fine a character has
been given me 1 I take yon into my service at once ;
you are a mine of literary utility to me. You have only
to take up your abode here." Talking thus condescend-
ingly, he supported himself between two ushers and
moved onwards, after having given audience to some of
his clergy, who had ecclesiastical business to communi-
cate. He was scarcely out of the room, when the same
Vol. II. B 5
6 GIL BLAB.
officers who had turned upon their heel, were now cap
in hand to court my conversation. Here the rascals
are, pressing round me, currying favour, and expressing
their sincere joy at seeing me become, as it were, an
heirloom of the archbishopric. They had heard what
their master had said, and were dying with anxiety to
know on what footing I was to be about him ; but 1 had
the illnature not to satisfy their curiosity, in revenge
for their contempt.
My lord archbishop was not long before he returned.
He took me with him into his closet for a little private
conference. I could not but suppose that he meant to
fathom the depth of my understanding. I was accord-
ingly on my guard, and prepared to measure out my
words most methodically. He questioned me first in
the classics. My answers were not amiss ; he was con-
vinced that I had more than a schoolboy's acquaintance
with the Greek and Latin writers. He examined me
next in logic ; nor could I but suppose that he would ex-
amine me in logic. He found me strong enough there.
" Your education," said he, with some degree of sur-
Erise, " has not been neglected. Now let us see your
and writing." I took a blank piece of paper out of my
pocket, which 1 had brought for the purpose. My
ghostly father was not displeased with my performance,
"lam very well satisfied with the mechanical part of
your qualifications," exclaimed he, " and still more with
the powers of your mind. I shall thank my nephew,
Don Ferdinand, most heartily, for having sent me so fine
a lad ; it is absolutely a gift from above."
We were interrupted by some of the neighbouring
gentry, who were come to dine with the archbishop. I
left them together, and withdrew to the second table,
where the whole household with one consent insisted on
giving me the upper hand. Dinner is a busy time at an
episcopal ordinary ; and yet, we snatched a moment to
make our observations on each other. What a mortified
propriety was painted on the outside of the clergy!
They had all the look of a deputation from a better
world: strange to think how place and circumstance
impose on the deluded sense of men ! It never once
came into my thoughts that all this sanctity might pos-
sibly be a false coin ; just as if there could be nothing
but what appertained to the kingdom above, among the
successors of the apostles on earth*
OIL BLAS. 27
I was seated by the side of an old valet de chambre,
by name Melchior de la Ronda. He took care to help
me to all the nice bits. His attentions were not lost
upon me, and my good manners quite enraptured him.
" My worthy sir," said he, in a low voice, after dinner,
" I should like to have a little private talk with you."
At the same time he led the way to a part of the palace
where we could not be overheard, and there addressed
me as follows : " My son, from the very first instant that
I saw you, I felt a certain prepossession in your favour.
Of this I will give you a certain proof, by communica-
ting in confidence what will be of great service to you.
You are here in a family where true believers and
painted hypocrites are playing at cross-purposes against
each other. It would take an antediluvian age to feel
the ground under your feet. I will spare so long and so
disgusting a study, by letting you into the characters on
both sides. After this, if you do not play your cards, it
is your own fault.
" I shall begin with his grace. He is a very pious
prelate, employed without ceasing in the instruction of
the people, whom he brings back to virtue, like sheep
gone astray, by sermons full of excellent morality, and
written by himself. He has retired from court these
twenty years, to watch over his flock with the zeal of
an affectionate pastor. He is a very learned person,
and a very impressive declaimer : his whole delight is in
preaching, and his congregation take care he should
know that their whole delight is in hearing him. There
may possibly be some little leaven of vanity in all this
heavenly-mindedness ; but, besides that it is not for hu-
man fallibility to search the heart, it would ill become
me to rake into the faults of a person whose bread I eat.
Were it decent to lay my finger on any thing unbecom-
ing in my master, I should discommend his starchness.
Instead of exercising forbearance towards frail church-
men, he visits every peccadillo as if it were a heinous
offence. Above all, he prosecutes those with the ut-
most rigour of the spiritual court, who, wrapping them-
selves up in their innocence, appeal to the canons for
their justification, in bar of his despotic authority.
There is, besides, another awkward trait in his character,
common to him with many other people of high rank.
Though he is very fond of the people about him, he pays
not the least attention to their services, but lets them
B3
48 OIL BLAS.
sink into years without a moment's thought about se-
curing them any provision. If at any time he makes
them any little presents, they may thank the goodness
of some one who shall have spoken up in their behalf :
he would never have his wits enough about him to do
the slightest thing for them as a volunteer."
This is just what the old valet de chambre told me of
his master. Next, he let me into what he thought of
the clergymen with whom we had dined. His portraits
might be likenesses ; but they were too hard-featured
to be owned by the originals. It must be admitted,
however, that he did not represent them as dishonest
men, but only as very scandalous priests. Neverthe-
less, he made some exceptions, and was as loud in their
praises as in his censure of the others. 1 was no longer
at any loss how to play my part so as to put myself on
an equal footing with these gentry. That very even-
ing, at supper, 1 took a leaf out of their book, and ar-
rayed myself in the convenient vesture of a wise and
prudent outside. A clothing of humility and sane tin-
cation costs nothing. Indeed, it offers such a premi-
um to the wearer, that we are not to wonder if this
world abounds in a description of people called hyp-
ocrites.
CHAPTER III.
CHL BLAS BECOMES THE ARCHBISHOP'S FAVOURITE, AND THJI
CHANNEL OF ALL BIS FAVOURS.
I rao been after dinner to get together my baggage*
and take my horse from the inn where I had put up, and
afterward returned to supper at the archbishop's palace,
where a neatly-furnished room was got ready for. me,
and such a bed as was more likely to pamper than to
mortify the flesh. The day following, his grace sent for
me quite as soon as I was ready to go to him. It was
to give me a homily to transcribe. He made a point
of having it copied with all possible accuracy. It was
done to please nun ; for I omitted neither accent, nor
comma, nor the minutest tittle that he had marked down.
His satisfaction at observing this was heightened by its
being unexpected. " Eternal Father !" exclaimed he, in
GIL BLAS, 29
a holy rapture, when he had glanced his eye over all
the folios of my copy, " was ever any thing seen so
correct 1 You are too good a transcriber not to have
some little smattering of the grammarian. Now tell
me, with the freedom of a friend : in writing it over,
have you been struck with nothing that grated upon
your feelings 1 Some little careless idiom, or some
word used in an improper sense 1" " Oh ! may it please
your grace," answered I, with a modest air, " it is not
for me, with my confined education and coarse taste, to
aim at making critical remarks. And, though ever so
well qualified, 1 am satisfied that your grace's works
would come out pure from the essay." The successor
of the apostles smiled at my answer. He made no ob-
servation on it ; but it was easy to see, through all his
piety, that he was an arrant author at the bottom :
there is something in that die that not heaven itself
can wash out.
1 seemed to have purchased the fee- simple of his good
graces by my flattery. Day after day did I get a step
farther in his esteem ; and Don Ferdinand, who came to
see him very often, told me my footing was so firm, that
there could be no doubt but my fortune was made. Of
this my master himself gave me a proof some little time
afterward; and the occasion was as follows. One
evening in hiscloset, he rehearsed before me, with ap-
propriate emphasis and action, a homily which he was
to deliver the next day in the cathedral. He did not
content himself with asking me what I thought of it in
the gross, 4ut insisted on my telling him what passages
struck me most. I had the good fortune to pick out
those which were nearest to his own taste ; his favour-
ite commonplaces. Thus, as luck would have it, I
passed in his estimation for a man who had a quick and
natural relish of the real and less obvious beauties in a
work. " This, indeed," exclaimed he, " is what you may
call having discernment and feeling in perfection ! Well,
well, my friend ! it cannot be said of you,
' Baeotum in crasso jurares a&e natum.' "
In a word, he was so highly pleased with me as to add,
in a tone of extraordinary emotion, " Never mind, Gil
Bias ! Henceforward take no care about hereafter: I shall
make it my business to place you among the favoured
children of my bounty. You have my best wishes;
3*
90 OIL BLAf .
fend, to prove to you that you hare them, I shall take
you into my inmost confidence."
These words were no sooner out of his mouth, than
I fell at his grace's feet, quite overwhelmed with grat-
itude. I embraced his elliptical legs with almost pagan
idolatry, and considered myself as a man on the high
road to a very handsome fortune. " Yes, my child," re-
sumed the archbishop, whose speech had been cut short
by the rapidity of my prostration, " I mean to make
you the receiver-general of all my inmost ruminations.
Hearken attentively to what 1 am going to say. I have
a great pleasure in preaching, The Lord sheds a bles-
sing on my homilies ; they sink deep into the hearts of
sinners ; set up a glass in which vice sees its own im-
age, and bring back many from the paths of error into
the high road of repentance. What a heavenly sight,
when a miser, scared at the hideous picture drawn by
my eloquence of his avarice, opens his coffers to the
poor and needy, and dispenses the accumulated store
with a liberal hand ! The voluptuary, too, is snatched
from the pleasures of the table"; ambition flies at my com-
mand to the wholesome discipline of the monastic cell ;
while female frailty, tottering on the brink of ruin, with
one ear open to the siren voice of the seducer, and the
other to my saintly correctives, is restored to domestic
happiness and the approving smile of heaven, by the
timely warnings of the pulpit. These miraculous con-
versions, which happen almost every Sunday, ought of
themselves to goad me on in the career of saving souls.
Nevertheless, to conceal no part of my weakness from
my monitor, there is another reward on which my heart
is intent, a reward which the seraphic scrupulousness
of my virtue to little purpose condemns as too carnal ;
a literary reputation for a sublime and elegant style*
The honour of being handed down to posterity as a per-
fect pulpit orator, has its irresistible attractions. My
compositions are generally thought to be equally power-
ful and persuasive ; but 1 could wish, of all things, to
steer clear of the rock on which good authors split, who
are too long before the public, and to retire from pro-
fessional life with my reputation in undiminished lustre.
" To this end, my dear Gil Bias," continued the pre-
late, " there is one thing requisite from your zeal and
friendship. Whenever it shall strike you that my pen
begins to contract, as it were, the ossification of old age,
felL BLAt. 81
whenever you see my genius in its climacteric, do not
fail to give me a hint. There is no trusting to one's
self in such a case ; pride and conceit weje the original
sin of man. The probe of criticism must be intrusted
to an impartial stander-by, of fine talents and unshaken
probity. Both those requisites centre in you : you are
my choice, and I give myself up to your direction."
M Heaven be praised, my lord," said I, "there is no need
to trouble yourself with any such thoughts yet. Be-
sides, an understanding of your grace's mould and cal-
ibre will last out double the time of a common genius ;
or, to speak with more certainty and truth, it will never
be the worse for wear, if you live to the age of Methu-
selah. 1 consider you as a second Cardinal Ximenes,
whose powers, superior to decay, instead of flagging
with years, seemed to derive new vigour from their ap-
proximation with the heavenly regions." " No flattery,
my friend !" interrupted he. " I know myself to be in
danger of failing all at once. At my age one begins to.
be sensible of infirmities, and those of the body com-
municate with the mind. I repeat it to you, Gil Bias,
as soon as you shall be of opinion that my head is not
so clear as usual, give me warning of it instantly. Do
not be afraid of offending by frankness and sincerity ;
to put me in mind of my own frailty will be the strong-
est proof of your affection for me. Besides, your very
interest is concerned in it : for if it should, by any spite
of chance towards you, come to my ears that the people
say in town, * His grace's sermons produce no longer
their accustomed impressions; it is time for him to
abandon his pulpit to younger candidates,' 1 do assure
you, most seriously and solemnly, you will lose not only
my friendship, but the provision for life that 1 have
promised you. Such will be the result of your silly
tampering with truth."
Here my patron left off to wait for my answer, which
was an echo of his speech, and a promise of obeying
him m all things. From that moment there were no
secrets from me : I became the prime favourite. All the
household, except Melchior de la Ronda, Looked at me
with an eye of envy. It was curious to observe the
manner in which the whole establishment, from the
highest to the lowest, thought it necessary to demean
themselves towards his grace's confidential secretary :
there was no meanness to which they would not stoop
S2 OIL BLAS.
to cuny favour with me: I could scarcely believe they
were Spaniards. I left no stone unturned to be of ser-
vice to them, without being taken in by their interested
assiduities. My lord archbishop, at my entreaty, took
them by the hand. He got a company for one, and fitted
him out so as to make a handsome figure in the army.
Another he sent to Mexico, with a considerable appoint-
ment which he procured him ; and I obtained a good slice
of his bounty for my friend Melchior. It was evident
from these facts, that, if the prelate was not particularly
active in good works, at least he rarely gave a churlish
refusal when any one had the courage to importune him
for his benevolence.
But what I did for a priest seems to deserve being
noticed more at large. One day a certain licentiate, by
name Lewis Garcias, a well-looking man, still in the
prime of life, was presented to me by our steward, who
said, " Signor Gil Bias, in this honest ecclesiastic you
behold one of my best friends. He was formerly chap-
lain to a nunnery. Scandal has taken a few liberties
with his chastity. Malicious stories have been trumped
up to hurt nim in my lord archbishop's opinion, who has
suspended him, and, unfortunately, is so strongly preju-
diced by his enemies, as to be deaf to any petition in
his favour. In vain have we interested the first people
in Grenada to get him re-established : our master will
not hear of it."
" These first people in Grenada," said I, " have gone
the wrong way to work. It would have been much bet-
ter if no interest at all had been made for the reverend
licentiate. People have only done him a mischief by
endeavouring to serve him. I know my lord arch*
bishop thoroughly : entreaties and importunate recom-
mendations do but aggravate the ill condition of a clergy-
man who lies under his displeasure ; it is but a very
short time ago since I heard him mutter the following
sentiment to himself. * The more persons a priest, who
has been guilty of any misconduct, engages to speak to
me in his behalf, the more widely is the scandal of the
church disseminated, and the more severe is my.^reat- /
ment of the offender.' " " That is very unlucky," replied/
the steward; "and my friend would be put to his last/
shifts if he did not write a good hand. But, happily, he
has the pen of a ready scribe, and keeps his head above
water by the exercise of that talent/' I was curious to
OIL BLAS. 33
ee whether this boasted handwriting was so much bet-
ter than my own. The licentiate, who had a specimen
in his pocket, showed me a sheet, which I admired very
much: it had all the regularity of a writing-master's
copy. In looking over this model of penmanship, an
idea occurred to me. I begged Garcias to leave this
paper in my hands, saying, that I might be able to do
something with it, which should turn out to his advan-
tage ; that I could not explain myself at that moment,
but would tell him more the next day. The licentiate,
to whom the steward had evidently talked big about my
capacity to serve him, withdrew in as good spirits as if
he had already been restored to his functions.
I was in earnest in my endeavour that he should be
so, and lost no time in setting to work. Happening to
be alone with the archbishop, I produced the specimen.
My patron was delighted with it. Seizing on this fa-
vourable opportunity, " May it please your grace," said I,
" since you are determined not to put your homilies to
the press, I should very much like them at least to be
transcribed in this masterly manner."
M I am very well satisfied with your performance,"
answered the prelate ; " but yet 1 own that it would be
a pleasant thing enough to have a copy of my works in
that hand." " Your grace," replied I, " has only to sig-
nify your wishes. The man who copies so well is a li-
centiate of my acquaintance. It will give him so much
the more pleasure to gratify you, as it maybe the means
of interesting your goodness to extricate him from the
Melancholy situation to which he has the misfortune at
present to be reduced."
The prelate could not do otherwise than inquire the
name of the licentiate. I told him it was Lewis Gar-
cias. "He is in despair at having drawn down your
censure opon him." " That Garcias," interrupted he,
"if I am not mistaken, was chaplain in a convent of
nuns, and has been brought into the ecclesiastical court
as a delinquent. I recollect some very heavy charges
which have been sent me against him. His morals are
tot the most exemplary." ** May it please your grace,"
interrupted I, in my turn, "it is not for me to justify
him in all points ; but I know that he has enemies. He
maintains that the authors of the informations you have
received are more bent on doing him an ill office, than
on vindicating the purity of religion." " That very pos-
B3
34 GIL BLAS.
sibly may be the case, 1 ' replied the archbishop ; " there
are a great many firebrands in the world. Besides,
though we should take it for granted that his conduct
has not always been above suspicion, he may have re-
pented of his sins ; in short, the mercies of heaven are
infinite, however heinous our transgressions. Bring
that licentiate before me ; I take off his suspension."
Thus it is that men of the most austere character de-
scend from their attitudes, when interest or a favourite
whim reduces them to the level of the frail. The arch-
bishop granted, without a struggle, to the empty vanity
of having his works well copied, what he had refused to
the most respectable applications. I carried the news
with all possible expedition to the steward, who com-
municated it to his friend Garcias. That licentiate, on
the following day, came to return me thanks commen-
surate with the favour obtained. I presented him to
my master, who contented himself with giving him a
slight reprimand, and put the homilies into his hand, to
copy them out fair. Garcias performed the task so
satisfactorily, that he was reinstated in the cure of
souls, and was afterward preferred to the living of Ga-
bia, a large market-town in the neighbourhood of Gre-
nada.
CHAPTER IV.
THE ARCHBI8H0P IS AFFLICTED WITH A STROKE OF APOPLEXY.
HOW OIL BLAS GETS INTO A DILEMMA, AND HOW HE GETS
OUT.
While I was thus rendering myself a blessing first to
one and then to the other, Don Ferdinand de Leyva was
making his arrangements for leaving Grenada. 1 called
on that nobleman before his departure, to thank him
once more for the advantageous post he had procured
me. My expressions of satisfaction were so lively, that
he said, " My dear Gil Bias, I am delighted to find you
in such good-humour with my uncle the archbishop."
" I am absolutely in love with him," answered I, " His
goodness to me has been such as. I can never sufficiently
acknowledge. Less than my present happiness could
never have made me amends for being at so great a dia-
OIL BLAS. 35
tance from Don Cesar and his son."" I am persuaded,"
replied be, " that they are both of them equally chagrin-
ed at having lost you. But possibly you are not separ-
ated for ever ; fortune may some day bring you together
again." I could not hear such an idea started without
being moved by it. My sighs would find vent ; and I
felt at that moment so strong an affection for Don Al-
phonso, that I could willingly have turned my back on
the archbishop, and all the fine prospects that were open-
ing to me, and have gone back to the castle of Leyva,
had but a mortification taken place in the back of the
scarecrow which had frightened me away. Don Fer-
dinand was not insensible to the emotions that agitated
me, and felt himself so much obliged by them, that he
took his leave with the assurance of the whole family
always taking an anxious interest in my fate.
Two months after this worthy gentleman had left us,
in the luxuriant harvest of my highest favour, a lower-
ing storm came suddenly over the episcopal palace ; the
archbishop had a stroke of apoplexy. By dint of imme-
diate applications and good nursing, in a few days there
was no bodily appearance of disease remaining. But
his reverend intellects did not so easily recover from
their lethargy. I could not help observing it to myself
in the very first discourse that he composed. Yet there
was not such a wide gap between the merits of the pres-
ent and the former ones, as to warrant the inference
that the sun of oratory was many degrees advanced in
its post-meridian course. A second homily was worth
waiting for, because that would clearly determine the
line of my conduct. Alas, and well-a-day ! when that
second homily came, it was a knock-down argument.
Sometimes the good prelate moved forward, and some-
times he moved backward ; sometimes he mounted up
into the garret, and sometimes dipped down into the
cellar. It was a composition of more sound than mean-
ing, something like a superannuated schoolmaster's
theme, when he attempts to give his boys more sense
than he possesses of his own ; or like a capuchin's ser-
mon, which only scatters a few artificial flowers of pal-
try rhetoric over a barren desert of doctrine.
I was not the only person whom the alteration struck.
The audience at large, when he delivered it, as if they
too had been pledged to watch the advances of dotage,
said to one another, in a whisper, all round the church,
38 GIL BLASv
I shall in future select the people about me with more
caution, nor submit the castigation of my works but to a
much abler critic than yourself. Get about your busi-
ness !" pursued he, giving me an angry shove by the
shoulders out of his closet ; " go and tell my treasurer
to pay you a hundred ducats, and take my priestly bles-
sing in addition to that sum. God speed you, good Mas-
ter Gil Bias ! I heartily pray that you may do well in
the world t There is- nothing to stand in your way but
the want of a little better taste."
CHAPTER V.
THE COURSE WHICH OH* BLA9 TOOK AFTER THB ARCHBISHOP
HAD GIVEN HIM HIS DISMISSAL. HIS ACCIDENTAL MEETING
WITH THE LICENTIATE WHO WAS SO DEEPLY Uf HIS DEBT,
AND A PICTURE OF GRATITUDE IN THR PERSON OF A PAR-
SON.
I hade the best of my way out of the closet, cursing
the caprice, or, more properly, the dotage of the arch-
bishop, and more in dudgeon at his absurdity than cast
down at the loss of his good graces. For some time it
was a moot point whether I should go and lay claim to
my hundred ducats ; but, after having weighed the mat-
ter dispassionately, I was not such a fool as to quarrel
with my bread and butter. There was no reason why
that money, fairly earned, should deprive me of my
natural right to make a joke of this ridiculous prelate ;
in which good deed I promised myself not to be want-
ing, as often as himself or his homilies were brought
upon the carpet in my hearing.
I went, therefore, and asked the treasurer for a hun-
dred ducats, without telling a word about the literary
warfare between his master and me. Afterward I called
on Melchior de la Ronda to take a long leave of him.
He was too much my friend not to sympathize with my
misfortune. While I was telling my story, vexation
was strongly imprinted on his countenance. In spite of
all his respect for the archbishop, he could not help
blaming him : but when, in the fever of my resentment,
1 "threatened to be a match for the prelate, and to enter-
tain the whole city at his expense, the prudent Melchior
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TILDEN FOUNDATIONS
OIL BLAS. 39
gave me a salutary caution: "Take my advice, my
dear Gil Bias, and rather pocket the affront. Men of a
lower sphere in life should always be cap in hand to
people of quality, whatever may be their grounds of
complaint. It must be admitted, there are some very
coarse specimens of greatness, which in themselves are
scarcely deserving of the least respect or attention ; but
even such animals have their weapons of annoyance,
and it is best to keep out of their way."
1 thanked the old valet de chambre for the good coun-
sel fee bad given me, and promised to be guided by it.
Pleased with my deference to his opinion, he said to
me, " If you go to Madrid, be sure you call upon my
nephew, Joseph Navarro* He is factotum in the family
of Signor Don Balthazar de Zuniga, and I can venture to
recommend him as a lad in every respect worthy of
your friendship. He is just as nature made him, with
all the vivacity of youth, courteous in his manners, and
forward to oblige : I could wish you to get acquainted
with him/' I answered that I would not fail to go and
see this Joseph Navarro as soon as I should get to Mad-
rid, whither I meant to return in due time. Then did
I turn my back on the episcopal palace, never to grace
it with my presence again. If I had kept my horse, I
should, perhaps, have set out for Toledo immediately;
but I had sold it during the period of my administration,
supposing that I was in office for life, and should not
henceforward be migratory. My final resolution was
to hire a ready-furnished lodging, as I had made up my
mind to stop another month in Grenada, and then to pay
the Count de Polan a visit.
As dinner-hour was drawing nigh, 1 asked my land-
lady if there was any eating-house in the neighbourhood.
She answered there was a very good one within a few
yards of her house, where the accommodations were ex-
cellent, and the company select and numerous. I made
her show me where it was, and went thither sharp set.
I was shown into a large room, resembling the hall of a
monastery in every thing but good cheer. There were
ten or a dozen men sitting at a long table, with a cloth
spread over it that fretted in its own crease \ but they,
with unoffended nostrils, were engaged in general con-
versation, though they dined individually, each having
a miserable scrap for his portion* The people of the
house brought me my allowance, which* at another time,
40 GIL BLAS.
would have turned my stomach, and have made me sigh
after the luxuries of the table I had just lost, But, at
this moment, I was so indignant against the archbishop,
that the homely fare of a paltry eating-house seemed
more palatable than the dainties of his sumptuous board.
It was a burning shame to see such a waste of provisions
served up in soups and sauces to pamper the appetite.
Arguing like a deep examiner into the economy of the
human frame, and reasoning medically as well as philo-
sophically on the disproportion between the simple
wants of nature and the complexity of luxurious indul-
gence, " Cursed be they," said I, " who invented those
pernicious dinners and suppers, where one must sit on
the tenter-hooks of self-denial, for fear of overloading
the storehouse and shop of the whole body ! Man wants
but little here below ; and, provided he can but keep body
and soul together, the less he eats -the better." Thus
did 1, in my surly vein, give utterance to wise saws ;
which, however just in theory, had hitherto been little
recommended by my practice.
While I was despatching my commons, without any
danger of 4 surfeit from repletion, the licentiate Lewis
Garcias, who had got the living of Gabia in the manner
above mentioned, came into the room. The moment he
recognised me, he ran into my arms with all the cordi-
ality of friendship, or rather with the extravagant joy
of a lover after a long exile from his mistress. He
folded me repeatedly within his sincere embrace, and I
was compelled to stand the brunt of a long-winded com-
pliment on the unparalleled disinterestedness of my con-
duct towards him. Gratitude is a fine virtue, and yet
it is wearisome when carried beyond due bounds ! He
took his seat next me, saying, " Well ! a parson must
not swear ; though by the mass, my dear patron, since
my good fortune has thrown me in your way, we will
not part without a jovial glass. But as there is no good
wine in this shabby inn, I will take you, if you please,
after our make-shift dinner, to a place where I will treat
you with a couple of bottles, rich, genuine, and old, in
comparison of which the Falernian of Horace was all a
farce. The church will give us absolution, in the cause
of gratitude ! If I could but get you for a few days
down at my parsonage of Gabia ! Mecsenas was never
more welcome to the poet's Sabine farm, than the author
GU. BLASV 41
of all my ease and comfort to the choicest produce of a
glebe which is mine only by your benevolence."
While he was holding this high-flown language, his
little slice of dinner was set before him. He fell to
without the fear of indigestion before his eyes, still
heightening the luxury of the repast, at intervals, by fine
speeches, addressed to me in the most fulsome style of
flattery. I took the opportunity, when his mouth was
filled with something more substantial, to edge in a
word or two amid the torrent ; and as he bad not for-
gotten to ask after his friend the steward, I made no
bones about acknowledging that I was no longer a
hanger-on of the church. I even went so far as to par-
ticularize the most trivial circumstances attending my
resignation, to all which he listened with an attentive
ear. After all his fine professions, who would not have
expected to see him moved even to tears with the throes
of resentful gratitude, to hear him thunder bulls and in-
terdicts against the superannuated archbishop t The
devil a bit ! he did neither the one thing nor the other.
But his countenance fell, and his whole air was that of
an absent man ; the rest of his dinner was bolted down
without the garnish of intermediate talk about Mecae-
nas ; as soon as he had done, he hurried from table with-
out minding grace or gratitude, wished me good-day
with a cold and distant air, and got off as fast as possi-
ble. The unfeeling scoundrel, perceiving that I was no
longer in a situation for him to pump any thing out of
me, would not even take the trouble to draw a decent
veil over his dirty principles. But such a blackguard
could excite no other sensation than contempt and laugh-
ter. Looking at him with derision, the fittest chastise-
ment for fellows like these, I called after him loud
enough to be heard by the whole room : " Stop there,
you nun's priest ! 60 and put those two bottles in ice
against Mecaenas comes to the Sabine farm I Be sure
they are rich, genuine, and old, or they will be a farce
to Falernian."
4*
42 HL SLAS,
CHAPTER VI.
OIL BLA8 GOES TO THE PLAT AT GRENADA. HIS SURPRISE AT
8EBINO ONE OF THE ACTRESSES, AND WHAT HAPPENED
THEREUPON.
No sooner had Garcias rid the room of his presence,
than two gentlemen came in, extremely well dressed, and
took their seats close by me. They began talking about
the players of the Grenada company, and abont a new
piece which just then had a great run. According to
their account, it was quite, the town talk. Nothing
would do for me but to go and see it that very day. I
had never been at the play since my residence at Gre-
nada. As I had lived nearly the whole time in the
archbishop's palace, where all such profane shows were
condemned as uncanonical, I had been cut off from
every recreation of that sort. All my knowledge of
men and manners was drawn from homilies !
I repaired, therefore, to the theatre at the appointed
hour, and found a very full house. All around me, dis-
cussions were going on about the piece before the cur-
tain drew up ; and there was not a soul in the numerous
assembly but had some remark to make upon it. One
liked it ; another could not bear it. " Do not you think
the dialogue is particularly happy 1" said a candid critic
on my right. " Was there ever such miserable stuff ! M
cried a snarling critic on my left. In good truth, if bad
authors abound, it must be admitted that the public are
at variance about what is good and what is bad : but the
bad judges have a right to be pleased for their money ;
and as they far outnumber the good ones, their favourite
writers can never want employment. When one only
considers through what an ordeal dramatic poets have
to pass, it is matter of wonder that any should be found
hardy enough, at once to contend against the ignorance
of the multitude, and the random shot of those self-
created guides in matters of taste, who always pretend
to lead the blindness of the public judgment, and too fre-
quently push it into the mire r of absurdity.
t length tire buffoon of the piece came forward by
way of prologue*. As soon as his grotesque countenance
GIL SLAB. 48
was visible, there was a general clapping of hands ; a
sore indication of his being one of those spoiled actors,
who are allowed to take any liberties with the pit, and
to be applauded through thick and thin. In fact, this
player neither opened his lips, nor moved a muscle,
without exciting the most extravagant raptures. He
would have performed better had he been less conscious
what a favourite he was. But he presumed on that cir-
cumstance most abominably. I observed that he some-
times forgot what was set down for him, and took the
license of adding to his part out of his own free fancy ;
a common cause of complaint against low comedians,
which, though it may make the unskilful laugh, cannot
but make the judicious grieve. Would the audience but
receive such mirth with hisses, instead of crying bravo,
they might restrain the absurd practice, and purge the
stage from barbarism.
Some of the other performers were greeted with the
usual tokens on their entrance, and particularly an ac-
tress who played the chambermaid. There was some-
thing about her which more than usually attracted my
attention ; and language must sink under the labour of
expressing my astonishment, at tracing the features of
Laura, that fair, that chaste, that inexpressible she,
whom I supposed to be still at Madrid, warbling in one
key, with hands, sides, voice, and mind incorporate with
Arsenia. But there could be no doubt of her identity.
The kick in her gallop, the leer in her eye, and the trip-
ping pertness on her tongue, all conspired in evidence
that there could be no mistake. Yet, as if I had re-
fused belief to the affidavit of my own eyes and ears,
I asked her name of a gentleman who was sitting beside
me. "What the deuse! Why, where do you come
from V said he. " You must unquestionably be a new
importation, not to have seen or htard of the divine
Estella." *
The likeness was too perfect for me to be mistaken.
It was easy to comprehend why Laura, changing her
sphere of action, changed her name also ; wherefore,
from curiosity to know how matters stood with her,
since the public always pry into the most private con*
Gems of theatrical persons, I inquired of the same man
whether this Estella had any particular affair of gallant-
ry on her hands. He informed me that, for the last two
months, there had been a great Portuguese nobleman at
44 OIL BLAS.
Grenada, his name was the Marquis de Marialva, who
had laid out a great deal of money upon her. He might
have told me more, if I had not been afraid of becoming
troublesome with my questions. I was better employed
in musing on the information this good gentleman had
given me, than in attending to the play ; and if any one
had asked me what it was all about, when the piece was
over, I should have been puzzled for an answer. I could
do nothing but decline Laura and Estella through all
cases and numbers ; till at length I boldly made up my
mind to call at her house the next day. Not but there
was some risk as to the reception she might give me : it
might be suspected, without excess of modesty, that my
appearance would give her no great pleasure in the high
tide of her affairs ; nor was it at all improbable that so
good an actress, to revenge herself on a man with whom,
certainly, she had an account to settle, might look
strange, and swear she had never seen his face before.
Yet did none of these apprehensions deter me from my
venture. After a light supper, for all the meals at my
eating-house were regulated on principles of economy
and temperance, I withdrew to my chamber, with an
anxious longing for the next day.
My sleep was short and interrupted, so that I got up
by daybreak. But as it was to be recollected that a
mistress in high keep was not likely to be visible early
in the morning, I passed three or four hours in dressing,
shaving, powdering, and perfuming. It was my business
to present myself before her in a trim, not to put her to
the blush at acknowledging my acquaintance. I sallied
forth about ten o'clock, and knocked at her door, after
having inquired her address at the theatre. She was
living on the first floor of a large and elegant house. 1
told the chambermaid who opened the door to me, that a
young man wanted to speak with her lady. The cham-
bermaid went to give my message, when all at once I
heard her mistress call out, not in the best tempered
tone in the world, " Who is the young man ? What does
he want ? Show him up stairs. 1 '
This was a hint to me that my time was ill chosen;
that probably her Portuguese lover was at her toilet,
and that she spoke so loud, with the laudable design of
convincing him that she was not a sort of girl to allow
of any impertinent intruders. This conjecture of mine
turned out to be the fact; the Marquis de Marialva
GIL BLAS. 45
lounged away almost every morning with her: I had
made up my mind to be kicked down stairs by way of
welcome ; but that admirable actress, never forgetting
her cue, ran forward with open arms at the sight of me,
exclaiming, " Ah ! my dear brother, is it you that I be-
hold ?" On the strength of so near a kindred, she was
no niggard of her embraces ; but recollected herself so
far as to say, turning round to the Portuguese, " My
lord, you must excuse me if nature will put in her claim,
and trench upon good-breeding. After three years of
absence, I cannot see a brother once again, whom I love
ad tenderly, without expressing my feelings in all their
warmth. Come ! my dear Gil Bias," continued she, ad-
dressing me afresh, " tell me some news of the family .
in what circumstances did you leave it ?"
This whimsical scene disconcerted me at first ; but I
was not long- in seeing through Laura's intention; and
playing up to her with a spirit scarcely less than her
own, answered according to the plot: " Heaven be
praised, sister, all our good folks are in perfect health,
and well in the world." *' 1 make no doubt," resumed
she, ( but you must be very much surprised to find me
an actress in Grenada ; but hear me first, and blame me
afterward. It is three years, as you may recollect, since
my father thought to have established me advantageously
in marriage with Don Antonio Ccello, an officer in the
service, who took me from the Asturias to Madrid, his
native place. Six months after our arrival, he got into
an affair of honour in consequence of his violent temper.
Some attentions incautiously paid to me were the cause
of the affray, and his antagonist was killed. This gen-
tleman was of a family high in rank and interest. My
husband, who, though well born, had very few connex-
ions, made his escape into Catalonia with every thing
he could get together in jewels and ready money. He
embarked at Barcelona, went over into Italy, enlisted in
the Venetian service, and finally lost his life in the Mo-
rea, fighting against the Turks. In the meantime, a
landed estate, which constituted our whole revenue, was
confiscated, and I was left a widow with very little for
my support. What was to be done in so pressing an
emergency ? There was nothing left to pay my travel-
ling expenses back into the Asturias. And then what
should I have done there ? I should have got nothing
from my family but a long string of condolences, which
46 OIL BLAB.
would have furnished me neither with food nor with rai-
ment. On the other hand, I had been too well brought
up to fall into those courses into which too many poor
young women are betrayed for the sake of a scandalous
subsistence. There was but one thing remaining for
me to determine on. I turned actress to preserve my
morals."
So tingling a sense of ridicule came over me, when
Laura wound up her romance with this pious motive
for turning actress, that I could scarcely refrain from
relieving myself by a fit of laughter. But gravity was
of too much consequence to be dispensed with ; and I
said to her, with an air the counterpart of her own,
"My dear sister, I entirely approve of your conduct,
and am heartily glad to meet with you at Grenada, and,
moreover, settled on so respectable a footing."
The Marquis de Marialva, who had not lost a word
of all these fine speeches, swallowed down blindfold
whatever Don Antonio's widow thought fit to drench
his credulity with. He took part in the conversation
too ; and asked me whether I had any fixed employ-
ment in Grenada or elsewhere. I paused for a moment
to consider whether, and after what manner, I should
lie ; but, as there seemed no need in this case to draw
on my invention, I told the truth by way of variety.
In a plain matter-of-fact manner did I rehearse my in-
troduction to the archbishop's palace, and my discharge
therefrom, to the infinite amusement of his Portuguese
lordship. To be sure, in telling the truth, I did not
keep my word ; for I could not help launching out a lit-
tle at the archbishop's expense, in spite of my solemn
promise given to Melchior. But the best of the joke
was, that Laura, taking my story for a fiction invented
after her example, burst out into peals of laughter;
whereas the whimsicality of the circumstance would
have raised a soberer mirth, had she known it to have
been alloyed with the base ingredient of veracity.
After having come to the end of my tale, which clo-
tted with just mentioning the lodging I had taken, dinner
was announced. I instantly motioned to withdraw, as
if intending to take that frugal meal at home ; but Laura
would not hear of it. " Do you mean to affront me,
brother 1" said she. " You must dine here. Indeed, I
cannot think of your staying any longer at a paltry inn.
You must positively board and lodge in my house.
GIL BLA8. 47
Send your trunks hither this very evening ; there is a
spare bed for you."
His Portuguese lordship, possibly not altogether rel-
ishing this excess of hospitality even to a brother, then
interfered between us, and said to Laura, " No, Estella,
you have not sufficient accommodation to give him a
bed without inconvenience. Your brother seems to be
a clever young fellow ; and the circumstance of his be-
ing so nearly related to you gives him a strong claim
on my kindness. He shall be put at once upon my es-
tablishment. I am in want of a secretary, and shall
delight in giving him the appointment : he shall be my
right-hand man. Let him be sure to come and sleep at
my house this very night ; I will order a room to be
got ready for him. I will fix his regular salary at four
hundred ducats ; and if, on better acquaintance, I have
reason, as I trust I shall, to be satisfied with him, I will
place him in a situation to laugh at the consequences
of having been a little too plain spoken with his patron
the archbishop."
My acknowledgments to the marquis for this high
honour were followed by those of Laura, who far ex-
ceeded me in powers of panegyric. " Let us drop the
subject," interrupted he, " it is a settled point." Set-
tled as it was, he confirmed the contract on the lips of
his green-room Dulcinea, and went his way. She im-
mediately pulled me by the arm into a closet, where,
secure from interruption, she cried out, " Cut my laces !
I shall burst if I do not give way at once to the fit of
laughter that is coming over me." And so she probably
would ; for she threw herself into an arm-chair, and
holding both her sides, shouted out her convulsive peal
of mirth like a mad woman. It was impossible for me
to refrain from following her example. When we had
exhausted our risible propensities, "Own, Gil Bias,"
said she, M that we have just been acting a very hu-
morous farce. But I did not look for the conclu-
ding scene. My only thought was to secure you board
and lodging under my own roof: and there was no
other possibility of making the proposition in a modest
way but in passing you off for my brother. But I am
heartily glad that the chapter of accidents has opened
with so good a birth for you. The Marquis de Marial-
va is a nobleman of liberal and honourable sentiments,
who will be better than his word in what he does for
46 GIL BLA8.
you. But confess, now ! There is scarcely a woman
m existence, except myself, would have given so com-
ing-on a reception to a fellow who shirks his friends
without saying with your leave or by your leave. I,
however, am one of those simple-hearted girls who are
glad to receive back again the base man they have once
loved, though he should have offended and repented
seven, or even seven thousand times."
The best way for me was to acknowledge the ex-
treme ill-breeding of which I had been guilty, to blush
and beg pardon once for alL After this explanation,
she led the way to a very handsome dining-room. We
placed ourselves at table, where, having a chambermaid
and a footboy for eyewitnesses, we kept within the
bounds of brother and sister. When we had done din-
ner, we went back again into the same closet where we
had been conversing before. Having our time to our-
selves, my paragon of a Laura, giving herself up to her
natural love of merriment, and to her no less natural
curiosity, required from me a faithful and true narrative
of all my pros and cons, my ins and outs, since that
unmannerly separation of ours. I gave her a full and
particular account; nothing extenuating on my own
behalf, nor setting down aught in malice on the other
side. When I had quenched her thirst after a story,
she slaked mine, by communicating the particulars of
her eventful life, to the following effect.
CHAPTER VII.
laura's story.
I shall just run over to you, as briefly as possible,
the circumstances which led me to embrace the theatri-
cal profession.
After you took French leave, so much to your credit,
great events happened. My mistress Arsenia, more
surfeited with a glut of pleasures than scandalized at
their immorality, renounced the stage, and took me
with her to a fine estate which she had purchased in
the neighbourhood of Zamora, with the wages of her
sinful life. We soon got acquainted in the town. Our
visits there were very frequent : and sometimes for a
OIL BLA8. 40
day or two together. With the exception of these little
excursions, we were as closely domesticated as proba-
tioners in a nunnery, and almost as piously employed*
On one of our high-days and holydays, Don Felix
Maldonado, the corregidor's only son, saw me by
chance, and took a liking to me. He soon found an
opportunity of speaking with me in private ; and, as it
is in vain to affect modesty before one who knows me
so well, there was some little contrivance of my own
to bring the interview about. The young gentleman
was not twenty years of age ; the very picture of Ve-
nus's sweetheart, or Venue's sweetheart the picture of
him ; with a form for a sculptor to work from ; with an
address so elegant, and with sentiments so generous,
as to throw even his personal graces into the back-
ground. There was such a winning way with him, so
pressing an earnestness to prevail, when he took a large
diamond from his own finger, and slid it upon mine, that
it would have been quite brutal not to have let it stay
there. It was really something like sentiment that 1
began to entertain towards a swain of so interesting a
character. But what an absurd thing it is for wenches
of a certain sort to hook themselves upon young men
of family, when their surly fathers hold official situa-
tions ! The corregidor, who had scarcely his equal in
the whole tribe of corregidors, got wind of our corre-
spondence, and determined to close it in a summary
manner. He sent a host of alguazils to take me into
custody, who dragged me away, in spite of my cries
and tears, to the house of correction for female peni-
tents.
There, without bill of endictment or form of trial, the
lady abbess ordered me to be stripped of my ring and
my clothes, and to be dressed in the habit of the insti-
tution ; a long gown of gray serge, tied about the mid-
dle with a strap of black leather, whence depended a
rosary with large beads, swinging down to nfy heels.
After this pleasant reception, they took me into a hall,
where there was an old monk, the deuse knows of
what order, who set to work preaching up repentance
and resignation, pretty much in the same strain as
Dame Leonarda, when she exhorted you to patience in
the subterraneous cavern. He told me that I was ex-
cessively obliged indeed to those good people who had
so kindly shut me up, and could never thank them suffi-
Vol, II. C 5 *
60 OIL BLAS.
ciently for their good deed, in rescuing me from the
harpy talons of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Bat
I must frankly own that all my other sins were pressed
down and heaped high with ingratitude : far from over-
flowing with the milk of human kindness towards those
who had conferred such a favour upon me, I abused
them in terms that would have put any dictionary to
the blush.
Eight days thus passed in this wilderness of desola-
tion ; but on the ninth, for I had notched the hours and
even the minutes on a stick, my fate seemed beginning
to take another turn. Crossing a little court, I met the
house steward, a personage whose will was absolute $
yes, the lady abbess herself was obedient to his will.
. fie rendered an account of his stewardship to none but
the corregidpr, on whom alone he was dependant, and
whose confidence in him was unbounded. His name
was Pedro Zendono ; and the town of Salsedon in Bis-
cay laid claim to the honour of his birth. Figure to
- yourself a tall man, with the complexion of a mummy,
and the bare anatomy of a dealer in mortification ; he
might have sat for the penitent thief in a picture of the
Crucifixion. He scarcely ever cast a carnal glance
towards us Magdalens. You never saw such a face of
rank hypocrisy in all your life, though you have spent
some part of it under the same roof with the arch-
bishop, and are not unacquainted with the clergy of his
diocess.
But, to return from this digression ; I met this Signor
Zendono, who said to me slyly, as he passed, " Take
comfort, my girl; I am sensibly affected with your
wretched case. 1 * He said no more, and went on his
way, leaving me to make my own comments on so
concise and general a text. As he looked like a good
man, and there was no positive evidence to set against
his looks, I was simpleton enough to fancy that he had
taken the trouble of inquiring why I was shut up ; and
meant, not finding me so atrocious a culprit as to de-
serve such shameful insults, to take my part with the
corregidor. But I was not up to the tricks of the Bis-
cayan ; he had a much longer head. He was turning
over in his mind the scheme of an elopement, and made
the proposal to me in profound privacy some days
afterward. " My dear Laura," said he, " your sufferings
have taken such deep possession of my mind, that 1
GIL BLAS. 51
hare determined to end them. I am perfectly aware
that my own ruin is involved in the measure ; but needs
must when the tender passion drives. To-morrow
morning do I intend to take you out of prison, and con-
duct you in person to Madrid. No sacrifice is too great
for the pleasure of being your deliverer/'
I was very near fainting with surprise and joy at this
promise of Zendono, who, concluding from my acknowl-
edgments that my life depended on my rescue, had
the effrontery to carry me off next day m the face of
the whole town, by the following device. He told the
lady abbess that he had orders to take me before the
corregidor, who was at his country-box a few miles off,
and, without betraying himself by a single change of
countenance, packed me off with him for my compan-
ion, in a postchaise drawn by two good mules, which he
had bought for the occasion. Our only attendant was
the driver, a servant of his own, and wholly devoted to
the steward by stronger ties than those of gratitude.
We began bowling away, not in the direction of Madrid,
as I had taken for granted, but towards the frontiers of
Portugal, whither we got in less time than it took the
corregidor of Zamora to receive the deposition of our
flight, and uncouple his pack or set them barking at
our heels.
Before we entered Braganza, the Biscayan made me
put on man's clothes, with which he had taken the pre-
caution of providing himself. Reckoning on me as be-
ing fairly launched in the same boat with him, he said to
me in the inn where we put up, " Lovely Laura, do not
take it unkindly of me to have brought you into Portu-
gal. The corregidor of Zamora will make our own
country too hot to hold us ; for in his eyes we are two
criminals, under the weight of whose enormities it is
not for Spain to groan. But we may set his malice at
defiance in this distant realm, though at the present con-
juncture under the dominion of the Spanish monarchy.
At least, we shall stand a better chance for safety here
than at home. League your fortunes with those of a
man who would follow you in prosperity or in adver-
sity through the world. Let us fix our residence at Co-
imbra. There I will get employed as a spy for the In-
quisition ; under the cover of that formidable tribunal,
a refreshing shade for us, but Cimmerian darkness to
its victims, our days will glide smoothly on in ease and
pleasure, and we shall fatten on the spoil of religions
delinquency."
A proposal so much to the point, gave me to under-
stand that 1 had to do with a knight who had other mo-
tives for officiating as the guardian of distressed dam-
sels besides the honour of chivalry. I saw at once that
he reckoned much on my gratitude, and still more on
my distress. Nevertheless, though these two pleas
were almost equally eloquent in his favour, I rejected
his addresses with disdain. The reason was, that there
were two advocates still more eloquent on the side of a
refusal ; a certainty that he was disagreeable, and a
strong suspicion that he was poor. But when he re-
turned to the charge, and offered to say the grace of
matrimony before he fell to, proving to me at the same
time, by the undeniable evidence of c ash in hand, that
his stewardship had enabled him to live in clover for a
long time to come, the truth must come out in spite of
blushes ! my heart was softened, and my ears unstop-
Ed. I was dazzled by the gold and jewels which he
d out in burning row before me, and became a living
monument in my own person, that miraculous trans-
formations are effected by the power of pelf, as well aa
by the wand of love. My Biscay an became, by little and
little, quite another sort of man in my eyes. His tall
body and bare bones were plumped up into a shapely and
commanding figure ; his cadaverous complexion was
improved into a manly brown; even that look, as if but-
ter would not melt in his mouth, was no louger hypoc-
risy, but a staid and decent aspect. Having made these
discoveries, 1 accepted his hand without any material
abhorrence, and he plighted the usual vows in all due
form. After this, like a good wife, I kept the spirit of
i aa much as possible under the hatches,
our journey; and Coimbra soon received a
within its walls.
id stocked my wardrobe as became my sex
making me a present of several diamonds,
u 1 fixed my eye upon that of Don Felix
There were no further documents want-
i. shrewd guess whence came all the pre-
cious stones I had seen, and to be morally certain that I
had not married a troublesomely nice observer of the
eighth article in the decalogue. Vet, considering myself
as the mainspring of all his little deviations from the strict
GIL BLAS. 53
law of propriety, it was not for me to judge harshly on
that point. A woman can always find a palliation for the
misdeeds which are set in motion by the power of her
own beauty. But for that, he certainly would have
ranked no higher than one of the wicked in my esti-
mation.
I had no great reason to complain of him for two or
three months. His attentions were always polite and
kind, amounting apparently to a sincere and tender affec-
tion. But no such thing ! These proofs of wedded love,
this worshipping with the body, and endowing with the
worldly goods, were all but a copy of his countenance ;
for the cheating fellow meant, as men serve a cucumber,
to throw me away on the first opportunity. One morn-
ing, at my return from mass, I found nothing at home
but the bare walls : the moveables, not excepting my own
apparel, every stick and every thread, had been carried
off. Zendono and his faithful servant had taken their
measures so adroitly, that in less than an hour the house
had been completely gutted ; so that, with nothing but
the gown upon my back, and Don Felix's ring, as good
luck* would have it, on my finger, here stood 1, like an-
other Ariadne, abandoned by the ungrateful rifler of my
effects as well as of my charms. But you may take my
word for it, I did not beguile the sense of my misfor-
tunes in tragedy, elegy, scene individable, or poem un-
limited. I rather fell upon my knees, and blessed my
guardian angel for having delivered me from a rascal
who must sooner or later fall into the hands of justice.
The time we had passed together I considered in the
light of a dead loss, and my spirits were all on the alert
to make up for it. If I had been inclined to stay in Por-
tugal, as a hanger-on to some woman of fashion, I
should have found no difficulty in suiting myself ; but,
whether it was patriotism, or some astrological conjunc-
tion, preparing a better fortune for me under the infiu r
ence of the planets, my whole heart was bent on getting
back into Spain. I applied to a jeweller, who valued my
diamond, and gave me cash for it, and then took my de-
parture with an old Spanish lady who was going to Se-
ville in a postchaise.
This lady, whose name was Dorothea, had been to see
a relation settled at Coimbra, and was on her return' to
Seville, where she lived. There was such a sympathy
between us as made us fast friends on the very first day
5*
64 OIL ALAS.
of our acquaintance ; and the attachment grew so close
while we travelled together, that the lady insisted, at our
journey's end, on my making her house my home. I
had no reason to repent having formed such a connex-
ion. Never was there a woman of a more charming
character. One might still conclude, from the turn of
her countenance, and from the spirit not yet quenched
in her eyes, that in her youth the catgut of. many a
guitar must have been fretted under her window. As
a proof of this, she had many trials what a state of wid-
owhood wap ; her husbands had all been of noble birth,
and her finances were flourishing under the accunmla-
tion of her several jointures.
Among other admirable qualities, she had that of not
visiting severely the frailties of her own sex. When I
let her into the secret of mine, she entered so warmly
into my interest as to speak of Zendono with more sin-
cerity than good manners. " What graceless fellows
these men are !" said she, in a tone from which one
might infer that she had met with some light-fingered
steward in the passing of her accounts. " They would
not be worth picking off a dunghill, if one could do with-
out them ! There is a large fraternity of sorry scoun-
drels in the world, who make it their sport to gain the
hearts of women, and then desert them. There is,
however, one consoling circumstance, my dear child.
According to your account, you are by no means bound
fast to that faithless Biscay an. If your marriage with
him was sufficiently formal to save your credit with
the world, on the other hand, it was contracted loosely
enough to admit of your trying your luck at a better
match, whenever an opportunity may fall in your way."
I went out every day with Dorothea, either to church,
or to visit among her friends ; both likely occasions of
picking up an adventure ! so that I attracted the notice
of several gentlemen. There were some of them who
had a mind to feel how the land lay. They made their
proposals to my venerable protectress ; but these ha4
not wherewithal to defray the expenses of an establish-
ment, and those were mere unfledged boys under age ;
an insuperable objection, which left me very little merit
in turning a deaf ear to them. One day a whim seized
Dorothea and me, to go and see a play at Seville. The
bills announced a favourite and standard piece : El Em-
baxador de Si-mismo, written by Lope de Vega*
GIL BLAS. &(
Among the actresses who came upon the stage, I dis?
covered one of my old cronies. It was impossible to
have forgotten Phenicia, that bouncing good-humoured
girl whom you have seen as Florimonde's waiting-maid,
and have supped with more than once at Arsenia's. I
was aware that Phenicia had left Madrid above two
rears ago, but had never heard of her turning actress,
longed so earnestly to embrace her, that the piece ap-
peared quite tedious. Perhaps, too, there might be some
fault in those who played it, as being neither good enough
nor bad enough to afford me entertainment. For, as to
my own temper, which is that of seeking 'diversion
wherever I can find it, I must confess that an actor
supremely ridiculous answers my purpose just as well
as the most finished performer of the age.
At last, the moment I had been waiting for being ar-
rived, namely, the dropping of the curtain on the favour-
ite and standard piece, we went, for my widow would
go with me, behind the scenes, where we caught a
glimpse of Phenicia, who was playing off- the amiable
and unaffected simpleton, and listening with all the prim-
ness of studied simplicity to the soft chirping of a young
stage-finch, who had evidently suffered himself to be
eaught in the birdlime of her professional or meretri-
cious talents. No sooner did her eye meet mine, than
she quitted him with a genteel apology, ran up to me
with open arms, and lavished upon me all the demon-
strations of strong attachment imaginable. Our expres-
sions of joy at this unexpected meeting were indeed
reciprocal ; but neither time nor place admitting of any
very copious indulgence in the privilege of asking ques-
tions, we adjourned till the following day, with a prom-
ise of renewing our mutual inquiries thick and threefold,
under the shelter of her friendly roof.
The pleasure of talking is the inextinguishable passion
of woman, coeval with the act of breathing. I could
not get a wink of sleep all night, for the burning desire
of having a grapple with Phenicia, and closing in upon
her in the conflict of curiosity. Witness all the powers
who preside over tattling, whether the love of lying in
bed, another passion of woman, prevented me from get-
ting up and flying to my appointment as early as good
manners would allow. She lived with the rest of the
company, in a large ready-furnished lodging. A female
attendant, who met me at the entrance, on being re-
66 GIL BLA8.
quested to show me Phenicia's apartment, led the way
up stairs to a gallery, along which were ranged ten or
twelve small rooms, divided only by partitions of deal
boards, and inhabited by this merry band. My con-
ductress knocked at a door which Phenicia opened;
for her tongue was cruelly on the fidget to be let loose,
as well as my own. We allowed ourselves no time for
the impertinent ceremonies which usually usher in a
visit, but plunged at once into a most furious career of
loquacity. It seemed as if we should have a tight bout
together. There were so many interrogatories to be
bandied backwards and forwards, that question and an-
swer rebounded like tennis-balls, only with tenfold ve-
locity.
After having related our adventures each to the other,
and inquired into the actual condition of affairs, Phenicia
asked me how I meant to provide for myself. My reply
was, that I purposed, while waiting for something bet-
ter, to get a situation with some young lady of quality.
" For shame," exclaimed my other self, " you shall not
think of such a thing. Is it possible, my darling, that
you should not yet be disgusted with menial service 1
Are you not heartily sick of knocking under to the good
or ill pleasure of others, of being cap -in-hand to all their
caprices, and, after all, to be entertained with that un-
changeable tune called a scolding ; in a word, to be a
downright slave ? Why do you not follow my example,
and turn your thoughts towards the stage * Nothing can
be better suited to people of parts, when they happen
not to be equally favoured in the articles of wealth and
birth. It is a sphere of life which holds a middle rank
between the nobility and mere tradespeople ; a profes-
sion exempted from all troublesome restraint, and raised
far above the common prejudices of humble and decent
society. The public are our bankers, and we draw upon
them at sight. We live in a continual round of ecstasy,
and spend our money to the full as fast as we earn it.
" The theatre (for she went on at a great rate) is fa-
vourable above ail to women. When I lived with Flo-
rimonde, it is a misery to think of it, I was reduced to
take up with the supernumeraries of the prince's com-
pany ; not a single man of fashion paid the least atten-
tion to my figure. How came that about? Because they
never got a glimpse of it. The finest picture in the
world may escape the admiration of the connoisseurs, if
GIL BLAS. 57
it is not placed in a proper light. But since I have been
suitably framed and varnished, which could only hap-
pen in consequence of a theatrical finish, what a revolu-
tion ! The finest young fellows of all the towns we pass
through are shuffling at my heels. An actress, there-
fore, has all her little comforts about her, without devi-
ating from the line of her duty. If she is discreet, by
which we mean that she should not admit more than
one lover into her good graces at a time, her exemplary
conduct is cried up as without a parallel. She is called
a very Niobe for her coldness ; and when she changes
her favourite, she is reprimanded as slightly by the
world as a lawful widow who marries a few weeks too
soon after the death of her first husband. If, however,
the widow should look for luck in odd numbers, and
take to herself a third, the contempt of all mankind is
poured down on her devoted head ; she is considered as
a monster of indelicacy ; whereas we happier women
are so much the more in vogue, as we add to the list of
our favourites. After having been served up to a hun-
dred different lovers, some battered nobleman finds us
a dainty dish for himself.' 9
" Do you mean that by way of news V interrupted I,
as she uttered the last sentiment. " Do you imagine
me to be ignorant of these advantages 1 I have often
conned them over in my mind, and they are but too
alluring to a girl of my character. The attractions of
the stage would be irresistible, were inclination all.
But some iittle talent is indispensable ; and I have not
a spark. I have sometimes attempted to rehearse passa-
ges from plays before Arsenia. She was never satisfied
with my performance ; and that disgusted me with the
profession." " You are easily put out of conceit with
yourself,' 1 replied Phenicia. " Do not you know that
these great actresses are very .apt to be jealous ? With
all their vanity, they are afraid lest some newer face
should put them out of countenance. In short, I would
not be guided by Arsenia on that subject ; she did not
give her real opinion. In my judgment, and without
meaning to flatter you, the theatre is your natural ele-
ment. You have admirable powers, free and graceful
action, a fine-toned voice, volubility of declamation, and
such a turn of countenance ! Ah ! you little rogue ! you
will bring all the young fellows behind the scenes, if
once you take to the boards !"
C3
58 OIL BLAS.
She plied me with many flattering compliments be-
sides ; and made me recite some lines, only by way of
enabling me to form my own judgment as to my theat-
rical genius. Now that she was my censor, it seemed
quite another thing. She praised me up to the skies,
and held all the actresses in Madrid as mere make-
weights in the scale. After such a testimony, it would
have been inexcusable to hesitate about my own merit.
Arsenia stood attainted, nay, convicted, of jealousy and
treachery. There could be no question about my being
every thing that was delightful. Two players happened
to drop in by accident, and Phenicia prevailed on me to
repeat the lines I had already spouted ; they fell into a
sort of enthusiastic trance, whence they were roused
only to launch out fervently in admiration of me. Lit-
erally, had they all three been flattering me up for a
wager, they could not have adopted a more extravagant
scale of panegyric. My modesty was not proof against
such praise from those who were themselves praised.
I began to think myself really worth something ; and
now were my whole heart and soul turned towards a
theatrical life.
" Since this is the case, 1 ' said I to Phenicia, " the affair
is determined. I will follow your advice, and engage in
your company, if they will accept me. 11 My friend,
transported with joy at this proposal, clasped me in her
arms ; and her two companions seemed no less delight-
ed than herself at finding me in that humour. It was
settled that I should attend the theatre on the following
day in the morning, and exhibit before the collected
body the same sample of my talent as 1 had just dis-
played. If I had bought golden opinions from Phenicia
and her friends, the actors in themselves were still more
complimentary in their judgment, after I had recited
but twenty lines before them. They gave me an en-
gagement with the utmost willingness. Then there
was nothing thought of but my first appearance. To
make it as striking as possible, I laid out all the money
remaining from the sale of my ring ; and though my
funds would not allow of being splendid in my dress, I
discovered the art of substituting taste for glitter, and
converting my poverty into a new grace.
At length I came out. What clapping of hands ! what
general admiration ! It would be speaking faintly, my
friend, to tell you downright that the spectators were.
GIL BLA8. 59
all in an ecstasy. Yon must have heard with your own
ears what a noise I made at Seville, to believe it. The
whole talk of the town was about me, and the house was
crowded for three weeks successively ; so that this nov-
elty restored the theatre to its popularity, when it was
evidently beginning to decline. Thus did 1 come upon
the stage, and step into public favour at once. But to
come upon the stage with such distinction, is generally
a prelude to coming upon the town ; or at least to put-
ting one's self up at auction to the best bidder. Twenty
sparks of all ages, from seventeen to seventy, were on
the list of candidates, and would have worn me in my
newest gloss. Had I followed my own inclination, I
should have chosen the youngest, and the most of a
lady's man ; but, in our profession, interest and ambition
must bear the sway till we have feathered our nest ;
that is as invariable a rule as any in the prompt-book.
On this principle, Don Ambrosio de Nisana, a man in
whom age and ugliness had done their worst, but rich,
generous, and one of the most powerful noblemen in
Andalusia, had the refusal of the bargain. It is true
that he paid handsomely for it. He took a fine house
for me, furnished it in the extreme of magnificence,
allowed me a man cook of the first eminence, two foot-
men, a lady's maid, and a thousand ducats a month for
my personal expenses. Add to all this a rich wardrobe,
and an elegant assortment of jewels.
What a revolution in my affairs ! My poor brain was
completely turned. 1 could not believe myself to be
the' same person. No wonder if girls soon forget the
meanness and misery whence some man of quality has
rescued them in a fit of caprice. My confession shall
be without reserve : public applause, flattering speeches
buzzed about on every side, and Don Ambrosio's pas-
sion, kindled such a flame of self-conceit, as kept me in
a continual ferment of extravagance. 1 considered my
talents as a patent of nobility. I put on the woman of
fashion ; and, becoming as chary as I had hitherto been
lavish of my amorous challenges, determined to look no
lower than dukes, counts, or marquises.
My lord of Nisana brought some of his friends to
sup with me every evening. It was my care to invite
the best companions among our actresses, and we wore
away a good part of the night in laughing and drinking.
I fell in very kindly witbso delicious a life ; but it last-
60 GIL BLA8.
ed only six months. Men of rank are apt to be whim-
sical ; but for that fault, they would be too heavenly.
Don Ambrosio deserted me for a young coquette from
Grenada, who had just brought a pretty person to the
Seville market, and knew how to set off her wares to
the best advantage. But I did not fret after him more
than four-and-twenty hours. His place was supplied
by a young fellow of two-and-twenty, Don Lewis d'Al-
cacer, with whom few Spaniards could vie in point of
face and figure.
You will ask me, doubtless, and it is natural to do so,
why I selected so green a sprig of nobility for my para-
mour, when my own experience so strongly dissuaded
from such a ohoice. But, besides that Don Lewis
had neither father nor mother, and was already in pos-
session of his fortune, you are to know that there is
no danger of disagreeable consequences attaching to
any but girls in a servile condition of life, or those un-
fortunate loose fish who are game for every sportsman.
Ladies of our profession are privileged persons ; we
let off our charms like a rocket, and are not answerable
for the damage where they fait; so much the worse for
those families whose heirs we set in a blaze.
As for Alcacer and myself, we were so strongly attach-
ed to one another, that I verily believe love never yet
did such execution, as when he took aim at us two. Our
passion was of such a violent nature, that we seemed to
be under the influence of some spell. Those who knew
how well we were together, thought us the happiest
pair in the world ; but we, who knew best, found our-
selves the most miserable. Though Don Lewis had as
fine an outside as ever fell to the lot of man, he was at
the same, time so jealous, that there was no living for
vexation at his unfounded surmises. It was of no use,
knowing his weakness and humouring it, to lay an em*
bargo on my looks, if ever a male creature peeped into
harbour; his suspicious temper, seldom at a loss for
some crime to impute, rendered my armed neutrality of
no avail. Our most tender moments had always a spice
of wrangling. There was no standing the brunt of it ;
patience could hold out no longer on either side, and
we quarrelled more peaceably than we had loved. Could
you believe that the last day of our being together was
the happiest ! Both equally wearied out by the perpet-
ual recurrence of unpleasant circumstances, we gave a
GIL BLAB. 61
loose to our transports when we embraced for the last
time. We were like two wretched captives, breathing
the fresh air of liberty after all the horrors of our pris-
on-house.
Since that adventure, I have worn a breastplate
against the little archer. No more amorous nonsense
for me, at least to a troublesome excess ! It is quite
out of our line, to sigh and complain like Arcadian
shepherdesses. Those should never give way to a
passion in private, who hold it up to ridicule before the
public.
While these events were passing in my domestic estab-
lishment, Fame had not hung her trumpet breathless on
the willows ; she spread it about universally that I was
an inimitable actress. That celestial tattler, though
bankrupt times out of number, still contrives to revive
her credit ; the comedians of Grenada therefore wrote to
offer me an engagement in their company ; and, by way
of evidence that the proposal was not to be scorned, they
sent me a statement of their daily receipts and disburse-
ments, with their terms, which seemed to be advanta-
geous. That being the case ? I closed, though grieved in
my heart to part with Phemcia and Dorothea, whom I
loved as well as woman is capable of loving woman.
I left the first laudably employed in melting the plate of
a little haggling goldsmith, whose vanity so far got
the better of his avarice, that he must needs have a the-
atrical' heroine for his mistress. I forgot to tell you
that, on my translation to the stage, from mere whim, I
changed the name of Laura to that of Estella : and it
was under the latter name that 1 took this engagement
at Grenada.
My first appearance was no less successful here than
at Seville ; and I soon found myself wafted along by the
sighs of my admirers. But, resolving not to favour any
except on honourable terms, I kept a guard of modesty
in my intercourse with them, which threw dust in their
eyes. Nevertheless, not to be the dupe of virtues which
pay very indifferently, and were not exactly at home in
their new mansion, I was balancing whether or not to
take up with a young fellow of mean extraction, who had
a place under government, and assumed the style of a
gentleman in virtue of his office, with a good table and
handsome equipage, when 1 saw the Marquis de Mari-
alva for the first time. This Portuguese nobleman, tnrv-
6
62
elling over Spain f
nada as he passed
did not
ac*^
J*
. t
, .. *
K
I.
t
!
/ jAe- ~/%e&ualt
GIL BLAB. 63
me if I was not the Lady Estella's brother. I answered
in the affirmative. "Then you are welcome, Signor
Cavalier," replied he. "The Marquis de Marialva,
whose steward 1 have the honour to be, has commis-
sioned me to receive you properly. There is a room
got ready for you ; I will show you the way to it, if you
please, that you may be quite at home." He took me
up to the top of the house, and thrust me into so small a
room, that a very narrow bed, a chest of drawers, and
two chairs, completely filled it. This was my apart*
ment. " You will not have much spare room," said my
conductor, " but, as a set-off, I promise you that you will
be superbly lodged at Lisbon." I locked up my port-
manteau in the wardrobe, and put the key in my pocket,
asking, at the same time, what was the hour of supper.
The answer was, that his lordship seldom supped at
home, but allowed each servant a monthly sum for board
wages. I put several other questions, and learned the
marquis's people were a happy set of idle fellows. Af-
ter a conversation short and sweet, I left the steward to
go and look for Laura, reflecting much to my own satis-
faction on the happy omens 1 drew from the opening of
my new situation.
As soon as I got to the playhouse door, and men-
tioned my name as Estella's brother, there was free
admission at once. You might have observed the for-
wardness of the guards to make way for me, just as if I
had been one of the most considerable noblemen in Gre-
nada. All the supernumeraries, door-keepers, and re-
ceivers of checks whom I encountered in my progress,
made me their very best bows. But what I should like
best to give the reader an idea of, is the serious recep*
tion which the merry vagrants gave me in the green-
room, where 1 found the whole dramatis persons ready
dressed, and on the point of drawing up the curtain. The
actors and actresses, to whom Laura introduced me, fell
upon me without mercy. The men were quite trouble-
some with their greetings ; and the women, not to be
outdone, laid their plastered faces alongside of mine, till
they covered it with a villanous compound of red and
white. No one choosing to be the last in making me
welcome, they all paid their compliments in a breath.
JSolus himself, answering from all the points of the
compass at once, would not have been a match for
them j but my sister was, for the loan of her tongu wm
64 OIL BLAB.
always at the sendee of a friend, and she brought me
completely out of debt.
But 1 did not get clear off with the squeezes of the
principal performers. The civilities of the scene-paint*
ers the band, the prompter, the candle-snuffer, and the
call-boy, were to be endured with patience ; all the un-
derstrappers in the theatre came to see me run the
gantlet. One would have supposed one's self in a
foundling hospital, and that they had none of them ever
known what sort of animals brothers and sisters were.
In the meantime the play began. Some gentlemen,
who were behind the scenes, then ran to get seats in the
front of the house ; for my part, feeling myself quite at
home, I continued in conversation with those of the ac-
tors who were waiting to go on. Among the number,
there was one whom they called Melchior. The name
struck me. 1 looked hard at the person who answered
to it, and thought I had seen him somewhere. At last I
recollected that it was Melchior Zapata, a poor strolling
player, who has been described in the first volume of
this true history, as soaking his crusts in the pure ele-
ment.
I immediately took him aside, and said, "I am
much mistaken if you are not that Signor Melchior
with whom I had the honour of breakfasting one day by
the margin of a clear fountain, between Valladolid and
Segovia. I was with a journeyman barber. We had
some provisions with us which we clubbed with yours,
and alt three partook of a little rural feast, to which wit
and anecdote gave additional relish.' 9 Zapata bethought
him for a minute or two, and then answered, "You
tell me of a circumstance which often since came across
my mind. I had then just been trying my fortune at
Madrid, and was returning to Zamora. 1 recollect, per-
fectly, that my affairs were a little out of elbows." "I
recollect it, too," replied I, " by the token of a doublet
which you wore, lined with playbills. Neither have I
forgotten that you complained of having a wife cursed
with incorruptible chastity.* 9 " Oh ! that misfortune has
found its remedy long ago," said Zapata, shaking his
ears. u By all the powers of womanhood, the jade has
effectually reformed that virtue, and given me a warmer
lining to my doublet."
I was going to congratulate him on his wife's having
shown so much sense, when he was obliged to leave me
OIL BLAB. 66
and go on the stage. Being curious to know what sort
of an animal his wife was, I went to an actor and desired
him to point her out He did so, saying at the same
time, " There she is, it is Narcissa ; the prettiest of all
our women except your sister." I concluded that this
must be the actress in whose favour the Marquis de Ma-
rialva had declared before meeting with his Estella;
and my conjecture was but too correct. After the play
I attended Laura home, where I saw several cooks pre-
Earing a handsome entertainment. "You may sup
ere," said she. " I will do no such thing," answered
I: "the marquis, perhaps, will like to be alone with
you." " Not at ail," replied she; " he is coming with
two of his own friends and one of our gentlemen ; you
will just make the sixth. You know that, in our free
and easy way, there is no impropriety in secretaries sit-
ting down at table with their masters." " Very true,"
said I : " but it is rather too soon to assume the privilege
of a favourite. I must first get employed in some con-
fidential commission, and then lay in my claim to that
honourable distinction." Judging it to be so best, I went
out of Laura's house, and got back to my inn, whither I
reckoned on repairing every day, since my master had
no regular establishment.
CHAPTER IX.
IK EXTRAORDINARY COMPANION AT SUPPER; AND AN ACCOUNT
OP THEIR CONVERSATION.
I remarked in the coffee-room a sort of an old monk,
habited in coarse gray cloth, at supper, quite alone in a
corner. I went and sat opposite to him out of curiosi-
ty ; we exchanged a civil bow, and he showed himself to
be quite as well bred as I was, notwithstanding my lav*
education. My commons were brought me, and I feu
to with a very catholic appetite. While I was eating
my tongue was mute, but my eyes glanced, by snatches,
towards this singular character, and always caught his
at the same employment. Liking better to stare than
be stared at, I addressed my speech to him thus:
44 Pray, father, have we ever, by any chance,, met any-
where but here ! You peer at me as if you scarcely
6*
66 ftlL BLlS.
knew whether I was an acquaintance or a stranger."
He answered gravely, " If I look at you with fixed at*
tention, it is only to admire the prodigious variety of ad-
ventures which are chronicled in the features of your
face." " It should seem," said I, in a joking tone, " as
if your reverence was something of a physiognomist."
" Far more deeply imbued in science .than a mere
physiognomist," answered the monk : u I found prophe-
cies on my observations, which have never been belied
by the event. My skill in palmistry is no less, and I will
set my oracles against the surest of antiquity, after com-
paring the inspection of the hand with that of the face."
Though this old man had all the appearance of pro-
found wisdom, his talk was so like that of a madman,
that I could not help laughing at him outright. So far
from being offended at my want of manners, he smiled
at it, and went on to the following effect, after running
his eye round the coffee-room, to be assured that there
were no listeners : " I am not surprised at finding you so
prejudiced against two sciences which pass at (his time
of day for mere frivolity ; the long and painful study they
require disheartens the learned, who turn their backs
upon them, and then swear they are fables, out of dis-
gust at having missed their attainment. For my part, I
am not to be frightened by the darkness which envel-
ops them, any more than by the difficulties which are
perpetual stumbling-blocks in the pursuit of chymical
discoveries, and in the marvellous art of transmuting
baser metals into gold.
44 But I do flatter myself,' 1 pursued he, looking stead-
fastly at me, " that I am addressing a young gentleman
of good sense, to whom my systems will not appear al-
together in the light of idle dreams. A sample of my
skill will dispose you better than the most subtle argu-
ments to pass a favourable judgment on my preten-
sions." After talking in this manner, he drew from his
pocket a vial full of a lively-looking red liquor, on
which he expatiated thus : " Here is an elixir which I
have distilled this morning from the juices of certain
plants; for I have employed almost my whole life, like
beraocritus, in finding out the properties of simples and
minerals. You shall make trial or its virtue. The wine
we are drinking with our supper is very bad ; henceforth
it will become excellent." At the same time he put two
drops of Ijis elixir into my bottle, which made my wine
more delicious than the choicest vintages of Spam.
OIL BLASt 67
Tto marvellous strikes the imagination; and when
once that faculty is enlisted, judgment is turned adrift.
Delighted with so glorious a secret, and persuaded that
he must have out-devilled the devil before he could have
got at it, I cried out in a paroxysm of admiration, " O,
reverend father! prithee forgive your servant if he
took you at first for an old blockhead. I now abjure my
error. There is no need to look further to be assured
that it depends only on your own will to turn an iron
bar into a wedge of gold in the twinkling of an eye.
How happy should I be were 1 master of that admirable
science !" " Heaven preserve you from ever acquiring
it," interrupted the old man, with a deep sigh. " You
know not, my son, what a fatal possession you covet.
Instead of envying, rather pity me, for having taken
such infinite pains to be made unhappy. I am always
disturbed in mind. I fear a discovery; and then per-
petual imprisonment would be the reward of all my la-
bours. In this apprehension, I lead a vagabond life,
sometimes disguised as a priest or monk, sometimes as
a gentleman or a peasant. Where is the benefit of
knowing how to manufacture gold on such terms 1 Are
not the goods of this world downright misery to those
who cannot enjoy them in tranquillity."
u What you say appears to me very sensible," said I
to the philosopher. " There is nothing like living at
one's ease. You have rid me of all hankering after the
philosopher's stone. I will rest satisfied with learning
from you my future destiny." " With all my heart, my
good lad," answered he. " I have already made my re-
marks upon your features ; now let me see yeui hand."
I gave it to him with a confidence which will do my pen-
etration but little credit in the esteem of some readers.
He examined it very attentively, and then pronounced,
as in a rapture of inspiration, "Ah! what transitions
from pain to pleasure, and from pleasure to pain ! What
a whimsical alternation of good and evil chances ! "But
you have already experienced the largest share of your
allotted reverses. You have but few more tides of mis-
fortune to stem, and then a great lord will contrive for
you an eligible fate, which shall not be subject to
change."
After having assured me that I might depend on his
prediction, he bade me farewell and went out of the inn,
leaving me in deep meditation on the things I had just
68 GIL BLAS.
heard. There could be no doubt of the Marquis de Man-
alva being the great lord in question ; and, consequently
nothing appeared more within the verge of possibility
than the accomplishment of the oracle. But, though
there had not been the slightest likelihood, that would
have been no hinderance to giving the impostor monk
unbounded credit, since his elixir had transmuted my
sour incredulity into the most tractable digestion of his
falsehoods. That nothing might be wanting on my side
to play into the hands of my foreboded luck, I deter-
mined to attach myself more closely to the marquis than
I had ever done to any of my masters. Having taken
this resolution, I went home in unusually high spirits ;
never did foolish woman descend in better humour from
the garret of another foolish woman who had told her
fortune.
CHAPTER X.
THE MARQUIS DE MARIALVA GIVES A COMMISSION TO OIL BLA9.
THAT FAITHFUL SECRETARY ACQUITS HIMSELF OF IT AS
SHALL BE RELATED.
The marquis was not yet returned from his theatrical
Earty, and I found his upper servants playing at cards in
is apartment while they were waiting for his arrival.
I got to be sociable with them, and we amused our-
selves with jocular conversation till two o'clock in the
morning, when our master arrived. He was a little sur-
prised at seeing me, and said, with an air of kindness,
which made me conclude that he came home very well
satisfied with his evening, " How is this, Gil Bias 1 Are
you not gone to bed yet ?" I answered that I wished
to know first whether he had any commands for me.
" Probably," replied he, " I may have a commission to
give you to-morrow morning ; but it will be time enough
then to acquaint you with my wishes. Go to your
room ; and henceforward remember that I dispense with
your attendance at bedtime ; my other servants are suf-
ficient for that occasion."
Alter this hint, which was much to my satisfaction in
the main, since it spared me a slavery which I should
* have felt very unpleasantly at times, 1 left the marquis
OIL BLAS. 69
in hit apartment, and withdrew Co my garret. I went
to bed. Not being able to sleep, it seemed good to fol-
low the counsel of Pythagoras, and to examine all the
actions of the day by the test of reason ; to reprimand
severely what had been done amiss, and, if any thing had
been done well, to rejoice in it.
On looking into the day-book of my conscience, the
balance was not sufficiently in my favour to keep me in
good-humour with mysel& I felt remorse at having lent
myself to Laura's imposition. It was in vain to urge, in
self-defence, that I could not with any decency give the
lie to a girl who had no object in view but to do me a pleas-
ore, and that I was in some sort under the necessity of
becoming an accomplice in the fraud. This was a paltry
excuse in the darkness of the night, for I pleaded against
myself that at all events the matter should be pushed no
further, and that it was the summit of impudence to re-
main upon the establishment of a nobleman whose con-
fidence I so ill repaid. In short, after a severe trial, it
was agreed in my own breast that I was very little
short of an arrant knave.
But to have done with the morality of the act, and
pass on to the probable issue, it was evidently playing a
desperate game to cozen a man of consequence, who
might be enabled, as an instrument for the visitation of
my sins, perhaps, to detect the imposture in its very in-
fancy. A reflection at once so prudent and so virtuous
acted as a refrigerator on my spirits; but visions of
pleasure and of interest soon raised them again above
the freezing point. Besides, the prophecy of the man
with the elixir would have been enough to have put me
in heart once more. I therefore gave myself up to the
indulgence of the most agreeable fancies. All the rules
of arithmetic, from simple addition to compdund inter-
est, were set in array, to cast up what sum my salary
would amount to at the end of ten years* service. Then
there was a large allowance for presents and gratuities
from my master, whose liberal disposition according ad-
mirably with my liberal desires, my imagination grew
quite fantastical, and extended the landmarks of my for-
tune over innumerable acres of unsubstantial territory.
Sleep overtook me in the calculation, and raised a mag-
nificent aerial mansion on the estate, where a new race
of grandees was to originate.
1 got up the next morning about eight o'clock to go
TO GIL BUS.
and receive my patron's orders ; but, as I was opening
my door to go out, what was my surprise at meeting him
in his wrapping-gown and nightcap. He was quite
alone. " Gil Bias," said he, M on parting with your sis-
ter last night, I promised to pass this morning with her ;
but an affair of consequence will not admit, of my keep-
ing my word. Go and assure her from me that I am
deeply mortified at the disappointment, but that I shall
certainly sup with her to-night. That is not all," added
he, putting a purse into my hands, and a little shagreen,
case set round with diamonds : " carry her my portrait,
and keep this purse of fifty pistoles, which I give you as
a mark of my early-conceived friendship," I took the
r'cture in one hand, and in the other the purse to which
was so little entitled. I put my best leg foremost in
my way to Laura, muttering to myself, in the transport*
of excessive joy, " Good ! the prophecy is accomplish-
ed in the twinkling of an eye. What a windfall to be
the brother of a girl so full of beauty and attraction ! It
is a pity the credit attached to the relationship is not
commensurate with the lucre and the comfort."
Laura, unlike most women in her profession, had a
habit of early rising. I caught her at her toilet, where*
while waiting for her illustrious foreigner, she was in-
grafting on her natural beauty ail the adventitious charms,
which the cosmetic art could supply. " Lovely Estella,"
said I on accosting her, " thou absolute loadstone of the
tramontanes, I may now sit down at table with my mas-
ter, since he has honoured me with a commission which
gives me that prerogative, and which I am just come to
fulfil. He cannot have the pleasure of waiting on you
this morning, as he had proposed ; but, to make you
amends for the disappointment, he will sup here this
evening, dhd sends you his picture; which, to all ap-
pearance, is enclosed in something more valuable than
itself."
I put the box into her hand at once ; and the lively
sparkling of the brilliants which encompassed it made
her eyes sparkle and her mouth water. She opened it
out of mere curiosity, looked carelessly at the painting as
people perform a duty for which they have little relish;
then shut it, and once more fell greedily on the jewel-
lery. Their beauty made her eloquent ; and she said to
me, with the smile of a satirist, "These are copies,
Which those mercenary things called actress.es value,
n^uch more highly than originals."
GIL BLAS. 71
t next acquainted her that the generous Portuguese*
when giving me charge of the portrait, recommended it
to my care by a purse of fifty pistoles. " I beg you will
accept of my congratulations," said she ; " this noble-
man begins where it is even uncommon for others to
leave off." " It is to you, my divine creature," answer*
ed I, " that this present is owing ; the marquis only
made it on the score of natural affection*" " 1 could be
well pleased," replied she, "that he were to make you a
score such presents every day. I cannot express in
what extravagance you are dear to me* From the first
moment of our meeting, I became attached to you by so
strong a tie, as time has not been able to dissolve.
When I lost you at Madrid, I did not despair of finding
you again * and yesterday, on your sudden appearance, I
received you like a deodand. In a word, my friend,
heaven has created us for one another. You shall be
my husband, but we must get plenty of money in the
first instance. I shall just lend myself out to three or
four silly fellows more, and then you may live like a
gentleman on your means."
I thanked her in the most appropriate terms for such
an instance of extreme condescension on my behalf,
and we got insensibly into a conversation which lasted
till noon. At that hour I withdrew, to go and give my
master an account of the manner in which his present
was received. Though Laura had given me no instruc-
tion thereupon, I was not remiss in composing a fine
compliment on my way, with which 1 meant to launch
out on her part ; but it was just so much flash in the
pan, for, when r got home, the marquis was gone out ;
and the fates had decreed that I should never see him
more, for reasons which will be methodically stated in
the succeeding chapter. V
CHAPTER XI,
A THUNDERBOLT TO 61L BLAS-
I repaired to my inn, where, meeting with two men
of companionable talents, I dined and sat at table with
them till the play began. We parted ; they, as their bu-
siness and desire pointed them : and, for my own poor
TO OIL BLAB.
part, my bent was towards the theatre. It nay be
proper to observe, by the way, that I had all possible
reason to be in a good-humour. The conversation with
my chance companions had been joyous in the extreme ;
the colour of my fortune was gay and animating ; yet,
for all that, I could not help giving way to melancholy,
without either knowing why, or being able to reason
myself out of it. It was doubtless a prophetic warning
of the misfortune which threatened me.
As I entered the green-room Melchior Zapata came
up, and told me, in alow voice,, to follow him* He led
me to an unfrequented part of the house, and opened his
business thus : " Worthy sir, I make it a point of con-
science to give you a very serious warning. You are
aware that the Marquis de Marialva had at first taken a
fancy to Narcissa, my wife ; he had even gone so far as
to fix a day for trying the relish of my rib, when that
cockatrice Estella contrived to flyblow the bill of fare,
and transfer the banquet to her own untainted charms*
Judge, then, whether an actress can be gulled instead of
gulling, and preserve the sweetness of her temper. My
wife has taken it deeply to heart, and there is no species
of revenge to which she would not have recourse. A
fine opportunity has offered. Yesterday, if you recol-
lect, all our supernumeraries were crowding together to
see you. The deputy candle-snuffer told some of the
inferior comedians that he recollected you perfectly
well, and that yon might be any thing but Estella's
brother.
" This report," added Melchior, " came to Narcissa's
ears to-day ; she lost no time in questioning the author;
and that grub of the interior stood to the whole story.
He saysihat he knew you as Arsenia's servant, when
Estella waited on her at Madrid under the name of
Laura. My wife, full of glee at this discovery, means
to acquaint the Marquis de Marialva with it when he
comes to the play this evening ;' so take your measures
accordingly. If you are not Eeteila's brother in good
earnest, I would advise you as a friend, and on the score
of old acquaintance, to make your escape while your
skin is whole. Narcissa, satisfied in her tender mercy
with only one victim, and that of her own sex, has al-
lowed me to give you this notice, that you may outran
your ill luck."
It would have been waste of words to press the sub-
Gil BLAH. 7
ject farther. I returned thanks for the caution to this
fretter of hia hour, who saw, by my terrified aspect, that
I was not the man to give the deputy candle-snuffer the
lie. 1 did not feel the least temptation to carry my
dangerous valour such a length. I had not even the
heart to go and bid farewell to Laura, for fear she should
insist on my keeping up the farce. I could easily con-
ceive that so excellent an actress might get out of the
scrape with flying colours ; but there seemed to be noth-
ing for me short of a swinging castigation, and I was
not so far gone in love as to stand by my sweetheart at
the risk of my own person. I thought of nothing but a
precipitate retreat with my household gods, or rather
goods, if such a trumpery collection of individual prop-
erty might be called so. I disappeared from the play-
house in the twinkling of an eye ; and in less time than
it would have taken to confess my sins, was my port*
manteau carried off and safely lodged with a muleteer
who was to set out for Toledo at three o'clock next
morning. I could have wished myself already with the
Count de Polan, whose hospitable roof seemed my
only safe asylum. But I was not there yet ; and it was
impossible to think without dread of the time remaining
to be passed in a town where I was afraid they would
hunt me out without giving me a night's law.
The smell of supper drew me to my inn notwith-
standing, though I was as uneasy as a debtor who
knows that a writ is out against him. My stomach, I
believe, was not sufficiently well knit that evening for
my supper to play its part as it should do. The miser-
able sport of fear, I watched all the people who came
into the coffee-room : and, whenever by chance they
carried a gallows in their physiognomy, whMi is no an*
common ensign in such places of resort, ^Khuddered
with horrid forebodings. After having supped the sup-
per of the damned, I got up from table, and returned to
my carrier's house, where I threw myself on some
clean straw till it was time to set out.
My patience was well tried during that interval ; for
a thousand unpleasant thoughts attacked me in all direc-
tions. If I dozed now and then, the enraged marquis
stood before me, pounding Laura's fair face to a jelly
with his fist, and turning her whole house out at win-
dow ; or, to come nearer home, I heard him giving di-
rections for my death under the operation of a cudgel.
Vol. IL D *
74 OIL BLAS.
At such a vision I started out of my sleep ; and waking,
which is usually so pleasant after a frightful dream, in-
spired me with more horror than even the fictions of
my entranced fancy.
Happily, the muleteer delivered me from so dire a
purgatory, by coming to acquaint me that his mules
were ready. I was immediately on my legs, and set
out radically cured, for which heaven has my best
thanks, of Laura and the occult sciences. As we got
farther from Grenada, my mind recovered its tone. I
began chatting with the muleteer, laughed at his droll
stories, and insensibly lost all my apprehensions. I
slept undisturbed at Ubeda, where we lay the first night ;
and on the fourth day we got to Toledo. My first care
was to inform myself of the Count de Polan's residence,
whither I repaired under the full persuasion that he
would not suffer me to lodge elsewhere. But I reckon-
ed without my host. There was no one at home but
a person to take care of the house, who told me that
his master was just gone to the Castle of Leyva, hav-
ing been sent for on account of Seraphina's dangerous
illness.
The count's absence was altogether unexpected : here
was no longer any inducement to stay at Toledo, and all
my plans were changed at once. Finding myself so
near Madrid, I resolved to go thither. It came into my
head that I might make my way at court, where talents
of the first order, as I had heard, were not absolutely
necessary to fill situations of the first consequence. On
the very next morning I took advantage of back car-
riage, to be set down in the renowned capital of Spain.
Fortune took me kindly by the hand, and introduced me
to a highgr cast of parts than those I had hitherto
filled. V
OIL BLAS. 75
CHAPTER XIL
GIL BLAS TAKES LODGINGS IN A READY -FURNISH ED HOUSE. HE
GETS ACQUAINTED WITH CAPTAIN CHINCHILLA. -THAT OF-
FICER'S CHARACTER AND BUSINESS AT MADRID.
On my first arrival at Madrid I fixed my headquar-
ters in a lodging-house, where resided, among other
persons, an old captain, who was come from the distant
part of New Castile, to solicit a pension at court, and
he thought his claim but too well founded. His name
was Don Annibal de Chinchilla. It was not without
much staring that I saw him for the first time. He was
a man about sixty, of gigantic stature, and of anatomical
leanness. His whiskers were like brushwood, fencing
off the two sides of his face as high as his temples.
Besides that he was short in his reckoning by an arm
and a leg, there was a vacancy for an eye, which Poly-
pheme would have supplied as he did, had the patches
of green silk been then in fashion ; and his features
were hacked sufficiently to illustrate a treatise of geom-
etry. With these exceptions, his configuration was
much like that of another man. As to his mental qual-
ities, he was not altogether without understanding ; and
what he wanted in quickness he made up by gravity.
His principles were rigid in the extreme ; and it was
his particular boast to be delicate on the point of honour.
After two or three interviews, he distinguished me
by his confidence. I soon got into all his personal histo-
ry ; he related on what occasions he had l^Lan eye at
Naples, an arm in Lombardy, and a leg ^ the Low
Countries. The most admirable circumstance in all
his narratives of battles and sieges, was, that not a sin-
gle feature of the swaggerer peeped out ; not a wi
escaped him to his own honour and glory ; though Me
could readily have forgiven him for making some little
display of th% half Much was still extant of himself, .as
a set-off against thedilapidations which l*ad deductexLso
largely from the usual contexture of a man* Office
who return from their campaigns without a scratch
upon their skin or a love-lock out of place, are not al- ,
"wavs so humble in their pretensions.
D2
76 GIL BLAB.
But he told me that what gave him most uneasiness
was the having wasted a considerable portion of his
private fortune on military objects, so that he had not
more than a hundred ducats a year left : a poor estab-
lishment for such a pair of whiskers, a gentleman's
lodging, and an amanuensis to supply memorials by
wholesale. " For in point of fact, my worthy friend,"
added he, shrugging his shoulders, "I present one,
with a blessing on my endeavours, every day, and the
last meets with the same attention as the first. You
would say that it was an even bet between the prime
minister and me, which of us two shall be tired first ;
the memorialist or the receiver of the memorials. I
have often had the honour, too, of addressing the king
on the same subject ; but the rector and his curate say
grace in the same key; and, in the meantime, my cas-
tle of Chinchilla is failing to ruin for want of necessary
repairs."
" Faint heart never won fair lady/ 9 said I, most wisely,
to the captain : " you are perhaps on the eve of finding
all your marches and countermarches repaid with usu-
ry." "I must not flatter myself with that pleasing ex-
pectation, 1 ' answered Don Annibal. "It is but three
days since I spoke to one of the minister's secretaries ;
and, if I am to trust his representations, I have only to
hold up my head and look big." " What, then, did he
say to you V replied I. " Had those poor dumb mouths
your wounds no eloquence, to wring a hireling pittance
for their profuse expense of blood ?" " You shall judge
for yourself," resumed Chinchilla. "This secretary
told me, in good plain terms, * My honest friend, you
need not boast so much of your zeal and your fidelity ;
you have amly done your duty in exposing yourself to
danger for^ur country. Naked glory is the true and
honourable recompense of gallant actions, and such is
the prize at which a Spaniard aims. You therefore ar-
gdtan false principles, if you consider the bounty yon
solicit as a debt. In case H should be granted, you
will owe that favour exclusively to the royal goodness,
which, in its extreme condescensiof reques those of
its subjects who^have served the slate vahantly. ' Thus
you see," pursued the captain, " that -if I had a hundred
lives, they are all pledged, and that I am likely to go
back as hungry as 1 came."
A brave man in distress is the most touching object
GIL BLAS. 77
in this world. I exhorted him to stick close, and offer*
ed to write his memorials out fair for nothing. I even
went so far as to open my purse to him, and to beg it as
a favour that he would draw upon me for whatever he
wanted. But he was not one of those folks who never
wait to be asked twice on such occasions. So much
the reverse, that, with a very commendable delicacy on
the subject, he thanked me for my kindness, but refu-
sed it peremptorily.
He afterward told me that, for fear of sponging upon
any one, he had accustomed himself by little and little
to live with such sobriety, that the smallest quantity of
food was sufficient for his subsistence : which was but
too true. His daily fare was confined to vegetables, by
dint whereof his component parts were confined to skin
and bone. That he might have no witnesses how ill he
dined, he usually shut himself up in his chamber at that
meal. I prevailed so far with him, however, by repeat-
ed entreaties, as to obtain that we should dine and sup
together: then, undermining his pride by little indirect
artifices- of compassion, I ordered more provision and
wine than I could consume to my own share. I press-
ed him to eat and drink. At first he made difficulties
about it; but in the end there was no resisting my
hospitality. After a time, his modesty becoming faint-
er as his diet was more flush, he helped me off with my
dinner, and lightened my bottle almost without asking*
One day, after four or five glasses, when his stomach
had renewed its intimacy with a more generous system
of feeding, he said to me with an air of gayety, " Upon
my word, Signor Gil Bias, you have very winning ways
with you ; you make me do just whatever you please.
There is something so hearty in your welcome as to
relieve me from all fear of trespassing on yur gener-
ous temper. 1 ' My captain seemed at that moment so
entirely to have got rid of his bashfulness, that if I had
been in the humour to have seized the lucky moment,
and to have pressed my purse once more on his accept-
ance, I am much mistaken if he would have refused it.
I did not put him to the trial : but rested satisfied with
having mad^tyim niy messmate, and taking the trouble. * k ,
not only to copy out his memorials, but to assist him in
their composition. By dint of having written homilies
out fair, I had learned the knack of phraseology, and
was become a sort of author. The old officer, on his
7 #
78 *IL BIAS.
aide, had some little vanity about writing well. Both of
ns thus contending for the prize, the bursts of eloquence
would have done honour to the most celebrated profes-
sors of Salamanca. But it was in vain that we sat on
opposite sides of the table, and drained our genius to
the very dregs, to nourish the flowers of rhetoric in
these memorials ; you might as well have planted an
orange-grove on the seabeach. In whatever new light
we placed Don AunibaTs services, it was all the same
at court; the connoisseurs were decided about their
merit ; so that the battered veteran had no reason to
sing the praises of that spirit which leads officers on to
spend their family estates in the service. In the viru-
lence of his spleen, he cursed the planet under which
he was born, and sent Naples, Lombardy, and the Low
Countries to the devil.
That his mortification might be pressed down and
running over, it happened to his face one day that a
poet, introduced by the Duke of Alva, having recited a
sonnet before the King on the birth of an infanta, was
gratified with a pension of five hundred ducats. I be-
eve the lop-limbed captain would have gone raving
mad at it if I had not taken some pains to recompose
his spirit " What is the matter with you 1" said I, see-
ing him quite beside himself. " There is nothing in all
this which ought to go so terribly against the grain.
Ever since Mount Parnassus swelled above the subject
plain, have not poets pleaded the privilege of laying
princes under contribution to their muse ! There is
not a crowned head in Christendom that has not sub-
stituted a pensioned laureate for the household fool
of less refined times. And, between ourselves, this spe-
cies of patronage, for the most part, galloping down full
drive to pfsterity on the saddle of Pegasus, raises a
hue and cry in honour of royal munificence ; but bounty
to persons who are lost in a crowd, however deserving,
adds nothing to the bulk or stature of posthumous re-
nown. Augustus must have drained his treasury by
gratuities, and yet how few of the names on his pen-
sion-list have come down to us! But distant ages
shall be informed, as we are, in all the hyprbole of po-
etic diction, that his benefits descended on Virgil like
the rain from heaven, whose drops arithmetic has no
combinations to count, no principles by which to reason
on their numbers."
GIL BLA8. ?9
But, let ibe talk ever so classically to Don
there was a confounded acidity in that sonnet, which
curdled all the milky ingredients of his moral composi-
tion ; it was impossible to chew, swallow, and digest
such {pod with human organB ; and he was fully deter-
mined to give the matter up at once. It seemed right,
nevertheless, by way of playing for his last stake, to
present one more memorial to the Duke of Lerma, and
if that failed, there was an end of the game. For this-
purpose we went together to the prime minister's.
There we met a young man, who, after saluting the
captain, said to him, in a tone of affection, " My old
ana dear master, is it your own self that I see 1 What
business brings you to this mart of favour ? If you have
Occasion for any one to speak a good word for you, do
not spare my lungs ; they are entirely at your service."
"How is this, Pedrillo ?" answered the officer; "to
hear you talk, it should seem as if you held some impor-
tant post in this house."" At least," replied the young
man, " I have influence enough here to put an honest
rustic like you into the right train." " That being the
case," resumed the captain, with a smile, " I place my-
self under your protection." " I accept the pledge," re-
joined Pedrillo. " You have only to acquaint me with
your particular taste, and I engage to give you a savoury
slice out of the ministerial pasty."
We had no sooner opened our minds to this young
fellow, so full of kind assurances, than he inquired
where Don Annibal resided ; then, promising that we
should hear from him on the following day, he vanished
without informing us what he meant to do, or even tel-
ling us whether he belonged to the Duke of Lerma's
household. 1 was curious to know what this Pedrillo
was, whose turn of mind appeared to be so brisk and
active. " He is a brave lad," said the captain, " who
waited on me some years ago; but finding me out at
elbows, went away in search of a better service. There
was no offence to me in all that ; it is very natural to
change when one cannot be worse off. The creature is
pleasant enough, not deficient in parts, and happy in a
spirit of intrigue, which would wheedle with the devil.
But, notwithstanding all his fine pretence, I am not san-
guine in my reckoning on the zeal he has just testified
for me." 4 ' Perhaps," said I, * there may be some plau-
sibility in his designs. Should he be a retainer for X*
/
$0 GIL BLiLS.
ample, to any of the duke's principal officers, it will be
in his power to serve you. You have lived too long in
the world not to know that, in great houses, every thing
is done by party and cabal ; that the masters are gov-
erned by two or three upper servants about their per-
sons, who, in their turn, are governed by that multitude
of menials attendant upon them."
On the next morning we saw Pedrillo at our break-
fast-table. ** Gentlemen," said he, " if I. did not explain
myself yesterday as to my means of serving Captain
Chinchilla, it was because we were not in a place where
such communication could be made with safety. Be-
sides, I was disposed to ascertain whether the thing
was feasible before you were made parties in it. Un-
derstand, then, that I am the confidential servant of
Signor Don Rodrigo de Calderona, the Duke of Lerma's
first secretary. My master, who is much addicted to
women, goes almost every evening to sup with a little
Arragonian nightingale, whom he keeps in a cage near
the purlieus of the* court. She is quite a young girl
from Albarazin, a most lovely creature. She has some
wit as well as beauty, and sings enchantingly ; they call
her the Spanish Siren. I am the bearer of some tender
inquiries every morning, and am just come from her. I
have proposed to her to pass off Signor Don Annibal for
her uncle, and the object of the forgery is to engage
her lover in his interest. She is very willing to lend
her aid in the business. Besides some little commis-
sion to which she looks forward on the profits, it will
tickle her vanity to be taken for the niece of a military
man."
Signor de Chinchilla looked very grim at this sugges-
tion. He declared his extreme abhorrence of becoming
a party concerned in a mere swindling trick, and -still
more of. adopting a female adventurer, no better than
she should be, into his family, and thus casting a stain
upon its immaculate purity. It was not only for him-
self that he felt all this soreness ; there was a recoil of
ignominy on his ancestors, which would lay their hon-
ours level with the dust. This morbid delicacy seemed
out of season to Pedrillo, who could not help expressing
liis contempt of it thus : ' You must surely be out of
your wits to take the matter up on that footing. A fine
market you bring your morals to, . you dictators from
the plough, with your ridiculous squeamishness ! Now
GIL BLAS. St
ydu seem a good sensible man,' 1 appealing to me as he
spdke these* last words. " Can yon believe your ears
when you hear such scruples advanced 1 Heaven de-
fend us ! At court, of all the places in the world, to
look at morals through a microscope ! Let Fortune come
under what haggard form she may, they hug her in their
arms, and swear she is a beauty. '
My way of thinking was precisely with Pedrillo; and
we dinned it so stoutly into both the captain's ears, as
to make him the Spanish Siren's uncle against nature
and inclination. When we had so far prevailed over his
Sride, we all three set about drawing up a new memorial
or the minister, which was revised, with a copious in*
terlacing of additions and corrections. I then wrote it
out fair, and Pedrillo carried it to the Arragonian
chantress, who, that very evening, put it into the hands
of Signor Don Rodrigo, telling her story so artlessly,
that the secretary, really supposing her the captain's
niece, promised to take up his case. A few days after*
ward we reaped the fruits of our little project. Pedrillo
came back to our house with the lofty air of a benefac-
tor. "Good news!" said he to Chinchilla. "The
king is going to make a new grant of officers, places,
and pensions ; nor will your name be forgotten in the
list. But I am specially commissioned to inquire what
present you purpose making to the Spanish Siren, for
the piper must be paid. As to myself, I vow and pro-
test that I will not take a farthing ; the pleasure of hav-
ing contributed to patch up my old master's broken for*
tunes, is more to me than all the ingots of the Indies.
But it is not precisely so with our nymph of Albarazin :
she has a little Jewish blood to plead, when the Christian
precept of loving her neighbour as herself is preached
up to her. She would pick her own natural father's
pocket ; so judge you whether she would be above ma-
king a bargain with a travelling uncle."
" She has only to name her own terms," answered
Don Annibal. " Whatever my pension may be, she shall
have the third of it annually if she pleases ; 1 will pledge
my word for it ; and that proportion ought to satisfy her
craving, if his Catholic majesty had settled his whole
exchequer on me." "I would as soon take your word
as your bond, for my own part," replied the nimble-
footed messenger of Don Rodrigo : " I know that it will
stand the assay ; but you have to deal with a little erea*
D3
83 GIL BLAS.
tare who knows herself) and naturally supposes that she
knows all the rest of the world by the same token. Be-
sides, she would like better to take it in the lump ; two
thirds to be paid down now in ready money." " Why,
how the devil does she mean that I should get the
wherewithal!" bawled the captain, in a quandary.
" Does she take me for an auditor of public accounts,
or treasurer to a charity 1 You cannot have made her
acquainted with my circumstances." " Yes, but I have,"
replied Pedrillo ; " she knows very well that you are
poorer than Job ; after what she heard from me, she
could think no otherwise. But do not make yourself
uneasy ; my brain is never at a loss for an expedient. I
know an old scoundrel of a usurer, who will take ten
per cent, if he can get no more. You must assign your
first year's pension to him, in acknowledgment for a
like valuable consideration from him, which you will in
point of fact receive, only deducting the above-mention-
ed interest. As to security, the lender will take your
castle of Chinchilla for want of better ; there will be no
dispute about that."
The captain declared his readiness to accept the terms,
in case of his being so fortunate as to possess any bene-
ficial interest in the good things to be given away the
next morning. It happened accordingly. He 4 got a
government, with a pension of three hundred pistoles.
As soon as the news came, he signed and sealed as re-
quired, settled his little concerns in town, and went off
again for New Castile with a balance of some few pis-
toles in his favour.
CHAPTER XIII.
OIL BLAS COMBS ACROSS HIS DEAR FRIEND FABRIC 10 AT COURT.
GREAT ECSTASY ON BOTH SIDES. THEY ADJOURN TO-
GETHER, AND COMPARE NOTES ; BUT THEIR CONVERSATION
IS TOO CURIOUS TO BE ANTICIPATED.
I had contracted a habit of going to the royal palace
every morning, where I lounged away two or three
good hours in seeing the great people pass to and fro ;
but their aspect was less imposing there than in other
places, as the lesser stars turn pale in the presence of
the sun.
GIL BLAB. 83
One day, as I was walking back and fore, and strutting
about the apartments, making about as wise a figure
there as my neighbours, 1 spied out Fabricio, whom I
had left at Valladolid in the service of an hospital-direc-
tor. It surprised me not a little that he was chatting
familiarly ' with the Duke of Medina Sidonia and the
Marquis of Santa Cruz. Those two noblemen, if my
senses did not deceive me, were listening with admira-
tion to his prattle. To crown the whole, he was as hand-
somely dressed as a grandee.
Surely I must be mistaken ! thought I. Can this pos-
sibly be the son of Nunez the barber ? More likely it is
some young courtier, who bears a strong resemblance
to him. But my suspense was of no long duration.
The party broke up, and I accosted Fabricio. He knew
me at once ; took me by the hand, and after pressing
through the crowd to get out of the precincts, said, with
a hearty greeting, " My dear Gil Bias, I am delighted to
see you again. What are you doing at Madrid 1 Are
you still at service % Some place about the court, perhaps !
How do matters stand with you 1 Let me into the his-
tory of all that has happened to you since your precipi-
tate flight from Valladolid."*' You ask a great many
questions in a breath," replied I ; " and we are not in a
fit place for story-telling." " You are in the right,"
answered he; "we shall be better at home. Come,
I will show you the way ; it is not far hence. I am
quite my own master, with all my comforts about me ;
perfectly easy as to the main chance, with a light heart
and a happy temper ; because I am determined to see
every thing on the bright side."
I accepted the proposal, and Fabricio escorted me.
We stopped at a house of magnificent appearance,
where he told me that he lived. There was a court to
cross ; on one side it had a grand staircase, leading to a
suite of state apartments, and on the other a small flight,
dark and narrow, whither we betook ourselves to a res-
idence elevated in a different sense from what he had
boasted. It consisted of a single room, which my con-
triving friend had divided into four by deal partitions.
The first served as an antechamber to the second, where
he lay : of the third he made his closet, of the last his
kitchen. The chamber and antechamber were papered
with maps, and many a sheet of philosophical discus-
sion ; nor was the furniture by any means unsuitable to
84 GIL BLAS.
the hangings. There was a large brocade bed, much
the worse for wear; tawdry old chairs, with coarse yel-
low coverings, fringed with Grenada silk of the same
colour ; a table with gilt feet, and a cloth over it that
once aspired to be red, bordered with tinsel and era-
broidery, tarnished by that old corroder, time ; with an
ebony cabinet, ornamented with figures in a clumsy
taste of sculpture. Instead of a convenient desk, he
had a small table in his closet; and his library was made
up with some few books, and a great many bundles of
paper, arranged on shelves one above the other the-
whole length of the wall. His kitchen, too modest to
put the rest of the establishment out of countenance,
exhibited a frugal assortment of earthenware and other
necessary implements of cookery.
. Fabricio, when he had allowed me leisure to philoso-
phize on his domestic arrangements, begged to know
my opinion of his apartments and his housekeeping,
and whether I was not enchanted with them. "Yes,
beyond all manner of doubt," answered I, with a roguish
smile. " You must have plied your wits to a good pur-
pose at Madrid, to have got so well accoutred. Of
course you have some post." " Heaven preserve me
from any thing of the sort !" replied he. " My line of
life is far above all political situations. A man of rank,
to whom this house belongs, has given me a room in it,
whence I have contrived to piece out a suite of four,
fitted up in such taste as you may see. I devote my
time to no employments but what are just to my fancy,
and never feel what it is to want."" Explain yourself
more intelligibly," said I, interrupting him. " You set
me all agog to be let into your little arrangements."
Well, then !" said he, I will rid you of that devil
curiosity at once. I have commenced author; have
plunged headlong into the ocean of literature; verse
and prose run equally glib ; in short, I am a jack of all
trades to the muses."
" What ! you bound in solemn league and covenant
to Apollo ?' exclaimed I, with most intolerable laughter.
" Nothing under a prophet could ever have anticipated
this. I should have been less surprised at any other
transformation. What possible delights have you had
the ingenuity to detect in the rugged landscape of Par-
nassus ? It should seem as if the labourers there have
a very poor taking in civil life, and feed on a coarse
OIL BLAS. 85
diet without sauce."" Out upon you," cried he, in dud-
geon at the hint. "You are talking of those paltry
authors, whose works and even their persons are un-
der the thumb of booksellers and players. Is it any
wonder that writers under such circumstances should
be held cheap ! But the good ones, my friend, are on a
better footing in the world ; and 1 think it may he affirm-
ed, vanity apart, that my name is to be found in their
list." " Questionless," said I ; " talents like yours are
convertible to every purpose ; compositions from such
a pen are not likely to be insipid. But I am on the
rack to know how this rage for fencing with inky
weapons could have seized thee."
"Your wonder and alarm has mind in it," replied
Nunez. " I was so well pleased with my situation in
the service of Signor Manuel Ordonnez, that I had no
hankering after any other. But my genius, like that of
Plautus, being too high-minded to contract itself within
the sphere of menial occupations, I wrote a play, and
got it acted by a company then performing at Yalladolid.
Though it was not worth the paper it was. scrawled
upon, it had more success than many better pieces.
Hence concluded I that the public was a silly bird, and
would hatch any eggs that were put under it. That
modest discovery, with the consequent madness of in-
cessant composition, alienated my affections from the
hospital. The love of poetry being stronger than the
desire of accumulation, I determined on repairing to
Madrid, as the centre of every thing distinguished, to
form my taste in that school. The first thing was to
give the governor warning, who parted with me to his
own great sorrow, from a sort of affection the result of
similar propensities. ' Fabricio,' said he, ' what possi-
ble ground can you have for discontent V ' None at all,
sir, 1 1 replied; 'you are the best of all possible masters,
and I am deeply impressed with your kind treatment ;
but you know one must follow whithersoever the stars
ordain. I feel the sacred fire within me, on whose
aspiring element my name is to be wafted to posterity. 9
* What confounded nonsense !' rejoined the old fel-
low, whose ideas were all pecuniary. * You are already
become a fixture in the hospital, and are made of a
metal which may easily be manufactured into a stew-
ard, or, by good-luck, even into a governor. You are
going to give up the great object of life, and to flutter
8
86 OIL BIAS.
about its frippery. So much the worse for you, honest
friend !*
" The governor, seeing how fruitless it was to strug-
gle with my fixed resolve, paid me my wages, and
made me a present of fifty ducats as an acknowledg-
ment of my services. Thus, between this supply and,
what I had been able to scrape together out of some
little commissions, which were assigned to me from an
opinion of my disinterestedness, I was in circumstances
to make a very pretty appearance on my arrival at
Madrid, which I was not negligent in doing, though
the literary tribe in our country are not over punctilious
about decency or cleanliness. I soon got acquainted
with Lope de Vega, Cervantes, and the whole set of
them ; but, though they were fine fellows, and thought
so by the public, I chose for my model, in preference,
Don Lewis de Gongora, the incomparable, a young
bachelor of Cordova, decidedly the first genius that
ever Spain produced. He will not suffer his works to
be printed during his lifetime ; but confines himself to a
private communication among his friends. What is
very remarkable, nature has gifted him with the un-
common talent of succeeding in every department of
poetry. His principal excellence is in satire ; there he
outshines himself. He does not resemble, like Lucil*
ius, a muddy stream with a slimy bottom ; but is rather
like the Tagus, rolling its transparent waters over a
golden sand."
" You give a fine description of this bachelor," said I
to Fabricio : " and, questionless, a character of such
merit must have attracted an infinite deal of envy."
" The whole gang of authors, 1 ' answered he, " good and
bad equally, are open-mouthed against him. * He deals
in bombast,' says one ; ' aims at double meanings, lux-
uriates in metaphor, and affects transposition. 1 ' His
verses,' says another, ' have all the obscurity of those
which the Salian priests used to chant in their pre*
cessions, and which nobody was the wiser for hearing.'
There are others who impute it to him as a fault, to
have exercised his genius at one time in sonnets or bal-
lads, at another in play- writing, in heroic stanzas, and
in minor efforts of wit alternately, as if he had madly
taken upon himself to eclipse the best writers each in
their own favourite walk. But all these thrusts of
jealousy are. successfully parried, where the muse**
GIL BLA3. 8T
which is their mark, becomes the idol of the great and
of the multitude at once.
" Under so able a master did I serve my apprentice-
ship ; and, vanity apart, the preceptor was reflected in
the disciple. So happily did I catch his spirit, that by
this time he would not be ashamed to own some of my
detached pieces. After his example, I carry my goods
to market at great houses, where the bidding is eager,
and the sagacity of the bidders not difficult to match.
It is true that I have a very insinuating talent at recita-
tion, which places my compositions in no disadvanta-
geous light. In short, I am the dear delight of the no-
bility, and live in the most particular intimacy with the
Duke of Medina Sidonia, just as Horace used to live
with his jolly companion Mecaenas. By such conjura-
tion and mighty magic have I won the name of author.
You see the method lies within a narrow compass.
Now, Gil Bias, it is your turn to deliver a round unvar-
nished tale of your exploits."
On this hint I spake; and, unlike most narrators,
gave all the important particulars, passing lightly over
minute and tiresome circumstances. The action of
talking, long continued, puts one in mind of dining.
His ebony cabinet, which served for larder, pantry, and
all possible uses, was ransacked for napkins, bread, a
shoulder of mutton, far gone in a decline, with its last
and best contents, a bottle of excellent wine: so that
we sat down to table in high spirits, as friends are wont
to do after a long separation. " You observe, 9 ' said he,
"this free and independent manner of life. I might
find a plate laid for me every day, if I chose it, in the
very first houses ; but, besides that the muse often pays
me a visit and detains me within doors, I have a little
of Aristippus in my nature. I can pass with equal
relish from the great and busy world to my retreat,
from all the researches of luxury to the simplicity of my
own frugal board."
The wine was so good that we encroached upon a
second bottle. As a relish to our fruit and cheese, I
begged to be favoured with the sight of something the
offspring of his inspired moments. He immediately
rummaged among his papers, and read me a sonnet
with much energy of tone. Yet, with all the advantage
of accent and expression, there was something so un-
couth in the arrangement, as to baffle all conjecture
about the meaning. He saw how it puzzled me. " This
88 GIL BLAS.
sonnet, then," said he, " is not quite level to your com-
prehension! Is not that the fact?" I owned that I
should have preferred a construction somewhat less
forced. He began laughing at my rusticity. "Well,
then !" replied he, " we will say that this sonnet would
confuse clearer heads than thine : it is all the better for
that. Sonnets, odes, in short, all compositions which
partake of the sublime, are, of course, the reverse of
the simple and natural : they are enveloped in clouds,
and their darkness constitutes their grandeur. Let the
poet only fancy that he understands himself, no matter
whether his readers understand him or not." "You
are laughing at me, my friend," said I, interrupting him.
" Let poetry be of what species it may, good sense and
intelligible diction are essential to its powers of pleas*
ing. If your peerless Gongora is not a little more lucid
than yourself, I protest that his merit will never pass
current with me. Such poets may entrap their own
age into applause, but will never live beyond it. Now
let me have a taste of your prose."
Nunez showed me a preface which he meant to pre-
fix to a dramatic miscellany then in the press. He
insisted on having my opinion. " I like not your prose
one atom better than your verse," said I. " Your son-
net is a roaring deluge of emptiness ; and as for your
preface, it is disfigured by a phraseology stolen from
languages yet in embryo, by words not stamped in the
mint of general use, by all the perplexity of a style
that does not know what to make of itself. In a word,
the composition is altogether a thing of your own.
Our classical and standard books are written in a very
different manner." " Poor tasteless wretch !" exclaim-
ed Fabricio. " You are not aware that every prose
writer who aspires to the reputation of sentiment and
delicacy in these days, affects this style of his own,
these -perplexities and innovations which are a stum*
bling-block to you. There are five or six of us, deter-
mined reformers of our language, who have undertaken
to turn the Spanish idiom topsy-turvy; and, with a
blessing on our endeavours, we will pull it down and
build it up again, in defiance of Lope de Yega, Cervan-
tes, and all the host of wits who cavil at our new
modes of speech. Our party is strongly supported in
the fashionable world, and we have laid violent hands
upon the pulpit.
" After all," continued he, " our project is commend-
OIL BLA8. 89
able : for, to speak without prejudice, we have ten times
the merit of those natural writers who express them-
selves just like the mob. I cannot conceive why so
many sensible men are taken with them. It was all
very well at Athens and at Rome, in a wild and undis-
tinguishing democracy; and on that principle only
could Socrates tell Alcibiades, that the last appeal was
to the people in all disputes about language. But at
Madrid there is a polite and a vulgar usage; so that
our courtiers talk in a different tongue from their trades-
men. You may assure yourself that it is so ; in fine,
this newly-invented style is carrying every thing before
it, and turning old nature out of doors. Now I will ex-
plain to you, by a single instance, the difference be-
tween the elegance of our diction and the flatness of
theirs. They would say, for example, in plain terms,
' Ballettes incidental to the piece are an ornament to a
play ;' but, in our mode of expression, we say more ex-
quisitely, * Ballettes incidental to the piece are the very
life and soul of a play.' Now observe that phrase, lift
and soul. Are you sensible how glowing it is, at the
same time how descriptive, setting before you all the
motions of the dancers, as on an intellectual stage 1"
I broke in upon my reformer of language with a burst
of laughter. " Get along with you, Fabricio," said I,
" you are a coxcomb of your own manufacture, with
your affected finery of phrase." "And you," answered
he, " are a blockhead of nature's clumsy moulding, with
your starch simplicity." He then went on taunting me
with the Archbishop of Grenada's angry banter on my
dismission. " Get about your business ! Go and tell my
treasurer to pay you a hundred ducats, and take my
blessing in addition to that sum. God speed you, good
Master Gil Bias ! I heartily pray that you may do well
in the world ! , There is nothing to stand in your way
but a little better taste." I roared out in a still louder
explosion of laughter at this lucky hit ; and Fabricio,
easily appeased on the score of impiety, as manifested
in the opinion expressed concerning his writings, lost
nothing of his pleasant and propitious temper. We got
to the bottom of our second bottle, and then rose from
table in fine order for an adventure. Our first intention
was to see what was to be seen upon the Prado; but,
passing in front of a liquor-shop, it came into our heads,
fliat we might as well go in.
8*
90 GIL BLAS.
The company was in general tolerably select at this
house of call. There were two distinct apartments : and
the pastime in each was of a very opposite nature. One
was devoted to games of chance or skill ; the other to
literary and scientific discussion: and there were at
that moment two clever men by profession handling an
argument most pertinaciously, before ten or twelve au-
ditors deeply interested in the discussion. There was
no occasion to join the circle, because the metaphysical
thunder of their logic made itself heard at a more re-
spectful distance : the heat and passion with which this
abstract controversy was managed, made the two phi-
losophers look little better than madmen. A certain
Eleazar used to cast out devils, by tying a ring to the
nose of the possessed ; had these learned swine been
ringed in the same manner, how many little imps would
have taken wing out of their nostrils ! " Angels and min-
isters of grace defend us," said I to my companion :
"what contortions of gesture, what extravagance of
elocution ! One might as well argue with the town-
crier. How little do we know our natural calling in so-
ciety ! w " Very true, indeed," answered he ; " you have
read of Novius, the Roman pawnbroker, whose lungs
went as far beyond the rattle of chariot-wheels as his
science beyond the rate of legal interest ; the Novii must
certainly have been transplanted into Spain, and these
fellows are lineal descendants. But the hopeless part of
the case is, that though our organs of sense are deaf-
ened, our understandings are not invigorated at their
expense." We thought it best to make our escape from
these braying metaphysicians, and by that prudent motion
to avoid a headache which was just beginning to annoy
us. We went and seated ourselves in a corner of the
room, whence, as we sipped our refreshing beverage, all
comers and goers were obnoxious to our criticism. Nu-
nez was acquainted with almost the whole set. " Heav-
en and earth !" exclaimed he, " the clash of philosophy
is as yet but in its beginning ; fresh re-enforcements are
coming in on both sides. Those three men, just on the
threshold, mean to let slip the dogs of war. But do you
see those two queer fellows going out? That little,
swarthy, leather-complexioned Adonis, with long lank
hair parted in the middle with mathematical exactness,
is Don Juliano de Villanuno. He is a young barrister,
with more of the prig than the lawyer about him. A
GIL BLAS. 91
party of us went to dine with him the other day. The
occupation we caught him in was singular enough. He
was amusing himself, in his office with making a tall
greyhound fetch and carry the briefs in the causes which
were so unfortunate as to have him retained; and, of
course, the canine amicus curia set his fangs indifferently
into the flesh of plaintiff or defendant, tearing law,
equity, precedent, and principle into shreds. That li-
centiate at his elbow, with jolly pimple-spangled nose
and cheeks, goes by the name of Don Cherubino Tonto.
He is a canon of Toledo, and the greatest fool that was
ever suffered to walk the earth without a keeper. And
yet, he arrays his features in that sort of not quite un-
meaning smile, that you would give him credit for good
sense as well as good-humour. His eye has the look of
cunning if not of wisdom, and his laugh too much of
sarcasm for an absolute idiot. One would conclude
that he had a turn for mischief, but kept it down from
principle and feeling. If you wish to take his opinion
upon a work of genius, he will hear it read with so
grave and rapt a silence, as nothing but deep thought
and acute mental criticism could justify ; but the truth
is, that he comprehends not one word, and therefore can
have nothing to say. He was of the barrister party.
There were a thousand good things said, as there al-
ways must be in a professional company. Don Cheru-
bino added nothing to the mass of merriment ; but looked
such perfect approbation at those who did, was so tract-
able and complimentary a listener, that every man at
the table placed him second in the comparative estimate
of merit."
" Do you know," said I to Nunez, " who those two
fellows are with dirty clothes and matted hair, their el-
bows on that table in the corner, and their cheeks upon
their hands, whiffing foul breath into each other's nos-
trils as they lay their heads together V He told me that,
by their faces, they were strangers to him ; but that, by
physical and moral tokens, they could only be coffee-
house politicians, venting their spleen against the meas-
ures of government. "But do look at that spruce
spark, whistling as he paces up and down the other
room, and balancing himself alternately on one toe and
on the other. That is Don Augustino Moreto, a young
poet, sufficiently of nature's mint and coinage to pass
current, if flatterers and sciolists had not debased him
02 GIL BLAB.
into a mere coxcomb by their misplaced admiration.
The man to whom he is going up with that familiar shake
by the hand, is one of the set who write verses, and
then call themselves poets ; who claim a speaking ac-
quaintance with the niuses, but never were of their pri-
vate parties.
" Authors upon authors, nothing but authors !" ex-
claimed he, pointing out two dashing blades. "One
would think they had made an appointment on purpose
to pass in review before you. Don Bernardo Deslen-
guado and Don Sebastian of Villa Viciosa ! The first is
a vinegar-flavoured vintage of Parnassus, a satirist by
trade and company ; he hates all the world, and is not
liked the better for his taste. As for Don Sebastian, he
is the milk and honey of criticism ; he would not have
the guilt of illnature on his conscience for the universe.
He has just brought out a comedy without a single idea,'
which has succeeded with an audience of tantamount
ideas ; and he has just now published it to vindicate his
innocence."
Gongora's candid pupil was running on in his career
of benevolent explanation, when one of the Duke de
Medina Sidonia's household came up and said, " Signor
t)on Fabricio, my lord duke wishes to speak with you.
Vou will find him at home." Nunez, who knew that
the wishes of a great lord could not be too soon grati-
fied, left me without ceremony; but he left me in the
utmost consternation to hear him called don, and thus
ennobled, in spite of Master Chrysostom, the barber's
escutcheon, who had tlje honour to call him father.
n !
CHAPTER XIV.
f ABRICIO FINDS A SITUATION FOR OIL BLA8 IN THE BSTJLB*
L1SHMENT OF QOUNT GALIANO, A SICILIAN NOBLEMAN.
I was too happy in Fabricio's society not to hunt him
out again early the next morning. " Good-day to you,
Signor Don Fabricio" said I on my first approach; " it
seems you are the picked and chosen flower, or rather,
saving your presence, the nondescript excrescence of
the Asturian nobility." This sarcasm had no other ef-
fort A&n to set Jiim laughing heartily. " Then the tjijf
GIL BLAS. 93
of don was not lost upon you !" exclaimed he. " No,
indeed, my noble lord," answered I ; " and you will give
me leave to tell you, that when you were recounting your
transformations to me yesterday, you forgot the most
extraordinary." "Exactly so," replied he, " but, to speak
sincerely, if I have taken up that prefix of dignity, it is
less to tickle ray own vanity than in tenderness to that
of others. You know what stuff the Spaniards are made
of; an honest man is no honest man to them, if his hon-
our is not bolstered up with escutcheons, pedigree, and
patrimony. 1 may tell you, moreover, that there are so
many gentry, and very queer sort of gentry too, dubbed
Don Francisco, Don redro, Don What-do-you-call-him,
or Don Devil, that if they owe their coats-of-arms to
any herald but their own impudence, modern nobility is
a mere drug in the market, so that a plebeian of nature's
ennobling confers infinite honour on the upstarts of an
artificial creation, by herding with their order.
u But let us change the subject," added he. " Last
night, supping at the Duke de Medina Sidonia's, where,
among other company, we had Count Galiano, a great
Sicilian nobleman, the conversation turned upon the ri-
diculous effects of self-love. Delighted at having a case
in point, by way of illustration, I treated them with the
story of the homilies. You may well suppose that there
was a hearty laugh, and that the archbishop's dignity
was not saved in the concussion ; but the effect was not
amiss for you, since the company felt for your situation ;
and Count Galiano, after a long string of questions,
which, of course, I answered to your advantage, com-
missioned me to introduce you. 1 was just now going
to look after you for that purpose. In all probability he
means to offer you a situation as one of his secretaries.
I advise you not to hang back. The count is rich, and
lives away at Madrid on the scale of an ambassador. He
is said to have come to court on a negotiation with the
Duke of Lerma respecting some crown lands which that
minister thinks of alienating in Sicily. In one word,
Count Galiano, though a Sicilian, has every feature of
generosity, fair dealing, and gentlemanly conduct. You
cannot do better than get upon that nobleman's estab-
lishment. In all probability, the flattering prophecy re-
specting you at Grenada is to be fulfilled in his person."
" It was my full determination," said I to Nunez, " to
take my swing about town, and look at men and man-
94 OIL BLAB*
ners a little, before the harness was buckled on my back
again ; but you paint your Sicilian nobleman in colours
which fascinate my imagination and change my pur-
pose. I should like to close with him at once." " You
will do so very soon," replied he, " or I am much de-
ceived." We sallied forth together immediately, and
went to the count's, who resided in the house of his
friend, Don Sancho d'Avila, the latter being then in the
country.
The courtyard was overrun with pages and footmen
in rich and elegant liveries, while the antechamber was
blockaded by esquires, gentlemen, and various officers
of the household. They were all as fine as possible, but
with so whimsical an assortment of features, that you
might have taken them for a cluster of monkeys dressed
up to satirise the Spanish fashions. Do what you will,
there is a certain class of men and women in nature
whom no art can trick out into any thing human.
At the very name of Don Fabricio, a lane was formed
for my patron, and I followed in the rear. The count
was in his dressing-gown, sitting on a sofa and taking
his chocolate. We made our obeisance in the most re-
spectful manner ; while an inclination of the head on his
part, accompanied with a condescending smile, won my
heart at once. It is very wonderful, and yet very
common, how the most trifling notice from the great
penetrates the very soul of those who are not accus-
tomed to it ! They must have behaved like fiends, be-
fore their behaviour will be complained of.
After taking his chocolate, he recreated himself with
the humours of a large ape, which underwent the name
of Cupid. Why the ape was made a god, or the god
likened to an ape, the parties concerned can best an-
swer ; the pnly point of resemblance seemed to be mis-
chief. At all events, this hairy brat of the sylvan Venus
had so gambolled himself into his master's good graces,
had established such a character for wit and humour,
that the life of society was extinguished in his absence.
As for Nunez and myself, though we had a better turn
for drollery, we were cunning enough to chime in with
the prevailing taste. The Sicilian was highly delighted
with this, and tore himself away for a moment from his
favourite pastime, just to tell me, "My friend, you
have only to say whether you choose to be one of my
secretaries. If the situation suits you, the salary is two
hundred pistoles a year. If Don Fabricio gives yotf a
character, that is enough." " Yes, my lord," cried Nu-
nez, " I am not such a cowardly fellow as Plato, who
introduced one of his friends to Dionysius the tyrant,
and then was afraid to back his own recommendation.
But I have no anxiety about being reproached on that
head.*
I thanked the poet of the Asturias with alow bow, for
having so much better an opinion of me than Plato had
of his friend. Then, addressing my patron, I assured
him of my zeal and fidelity. No sooner did this good
nobleman perceive his proposal to be acceptable, than
he rang for his steward, and after talking to him apart,
said to me, " Gil Bias, 1 will 1 explain the nature of your
post hereafter. Meanwhile, you have only to follow
that right-hand man of mine ; he has- orders how to be-
stow you." 1 immediately retreated, leaving Fabricia
behind with the count and Cupid.
The steward, who came from Messina, and proved by
all his actions that he came thence, led the way to his
own room, overwhelming me all the while with the
kindness of hi* reception. He sent for the tailor, who
Mved upon the skirts of the household, and ordered him to*
make me, out of hand, a suit of equal magnificence with
those of the principal officers. The tailor took my meas
ore and withdrew. " As to lodging, 1 ' said the native of
Messina, " I know a room which will just suit you.
But stay ! Have you breakfasted T" I answered in the*
negative. " Oh ! poor shamefaced youth," replied he r
" why did not you say so ? Come this way : I will in-
troduce you where,- thank heaven, you have only to ask
and have."
So sayings he led me down into the buttery, where
we fowuj the clerk of the kitchen, who was a Nea-
politan, and of course a complete match for his neigh-
bour on the other side of the water. It might be said
of this pair that they were formed to meet by nature.
This honest clerk of the kitchen was doing justice to*
his trade by cramming himself and five or six hangers-
en with ham, tongue, sausages, and other savoury com-
positions, which, besides their own relish* possess the
merit of engendering thirst : we made common cause
with these jolly fellows, and helped them to toss oflT
some of my lord, the count's best wines. While these
things were going on in the buttery, kindred exploit*
98 GIL BLAB.
From the clerk of the kitchen I required the buttery
accounts without varnish or concealment. I went
down into the cellar. The furniture of the butler's
pantry underwent a strict examination, particularly in
the articles of plate and linen. Next I read to them a
serious lecture on the duty of acting for their employers
as they would for themselves ; exhorted them to adopt
a system of economy in their expenditure ; and wound
up my harangue with a protestation, that his lordship
should be acquainted with the very first instance of any
unfair tricks that I should discover in the exercise of
my office.
But I had not yet got to the length of my tether.
There was still wanting a scout to ascertain whether
they had any private understanding. I fixed upon a
scullion, who, won over by my promises, told me that I
could not have applied to a better person to be informed
of all that was passing in the family ; that the clerk of
the kitchen and the steward were one as good as the
other, and agreed to burn the candle at both ends ; that
half the provisions bought for the table were made per-
quisites by these gentlemen ; that the Neapolitan kept
a lady, who lived opposite St. Thomas's College, and his
colleague, not to be outdone, provided for another next
door to the Sungate ; that these two nymphs had their
larder regularly supplied every morning, while the cook,
following a good example, sent a few little nice things
to a widow of his acquaintance in the neighbourhood :
but as he winked at the table arrangements of his dear
and confidential friends, it was but fair that he should
draw whenever he pleased upon the wine-cellar: in
short, by the practices of these three bloodsuckers,
a most horrible system of extravagance had found its
way into my lord the count's establishment. " If you
doubt my veracity," added the scullion, " only take the
trouble of going to-morrow morning about seven o'clock
into the neighbourhood of St. Thomas's College, and you
will see me with a load upon my back, which will con-
vert your suspicions into certainty." "Then you,"
said I, " are in the confidence of these honest purvey-
ors % n "I am factor to the clerk of the kitchen,"
answered he, " and one of my comrades runs on errands
for the steward."
I had the curiosity the next day to loiter about St.
Thomas's College at the appointed hour. My informer
OIL BLAS. 99
was punctual to time and place. He brought with him
a large tray full of butcher's meat, poultry, and game.
I took an account of every article ; and drew out the
bill of fare in my memorandum-book, for the purpose
of showing it to my master; at the same time telling
my little turnspit to execute his commission as usual.
His Sicilian lordship, naturally warm in his temper,
would hare turned his countryman and the Italian out
of doors together, in the first fury of his anger ; but,
after cooling upon it, he got rid of the former only, and
gave me his vacant place. Thus my office of supervisor
was suppressed very shortly after its creation ; nor did
I relinquish it with any reluctance. To define it strictly
and properly, it was nothing better than that of a spy
with a sounding title ; there was nothing substantial in
the nature of the appointment : whereas to the steward-
ship was tied the key of the strong-box, and with that
goes the mastery of the whole family. There are so
many little perquisites and so much patronage attached
to that department of administration, that a man must
inevitably get rich almost in spite of his own honesty.
But our Neapolitan was not so easily to be driven
from his strongholds. Observing to what a pitch of
savage zeal I carried my integrity, and that I was up
every morning time enough to enter in my books the
exact quantity of meat that came from market, he aban-
doned the practice of sending it off by wholesale : yet
the plunderer did not therefore contract the scale of his
demands on the animal creation. He was cunning
enough to make it as broad as it was long, by arranging
the services with so much the more profusion. Thus,
what was sent down again untouched being his property
by culinary common law, he had nothing to do but to
pamper up his pet with victuals ready dressed, instead
of giving tier the trouble of cooking for herself. The
devil will levy his dues out of every transaction; so
that the count was very little the better for his paragon
of a steward. The unbounded prodigality in our style
of setting out a table, even to a surfeiting degree, was
a plain hint to me of what was going forward : I there-
fore took upon myself to retrench the superfluities of
every course. " This, however, was done with so ju-
dicious a hand, that there was nothing like parsimony
to be discovered. No one would ever have missed
what was taken away; and yet the expense was re-
E3
40W?
^
100 GIL BLAS.
duced very considerably by a well-regulated economy.
That was just what my employer wanted ; good house-
wifery, but a magnificent establishment. There was a
Jove of saving at the bottom, but a taste for grandeur
was the ostensible passion.
Abuses seldom exist alone. The wine flowed too
freely. If, for instance, there were a dozen of gentle-
men at his lordship's table, the consumption was seldom
less than fifty, sometimes sixty bottles. This was
strange, and looked as if there was more in it than met
the lips of the guests. Hereupon I consulted my oracle
of the scullery, whence I derived most of my wisdom ;
for he brought me a faithful account of all that was said
and done in the kitchen, where they had not the least
suspicion of him. It seemed that the havoc of which I
complained proceeded from a new confederacy between
the clerk of the kitchen, the cook, and the under butler.
The latter carried off the bottles half full, and shared
their contents with his allies. I spoke to him on the
subject, threatening to turn him and all the footmen
under him out of doors at a minute's warning, if ever
they did the like again. The hint was understood, and
the evil remedied. I took especial care lest the slight-
est of my services should be lost upon my master, who
overwhelmed me with commendations, and took a
greater liking to me every day. On my part, as a
reward to the scullion, he was promoted to the situation
next under the cook.
The Neapolitan was furious at encountering me in
every direction. The most aggravating circumstance of
the whole was the overhauling of his accounts ; for, to
pare his nails the closer, 1 had gone into the market, and
informed myself of the prices. I followed him through
all his doublings, and always took off the market penny
which he wanted to add. He must have cursed me a
hundred times a day ; but the curses of the wicked fall
in blessings on the good. I wonder he could stay in his
place under such discipline; but probably something
still stuck by the fingers.
Fabricio, whom 1 saw occasionally, rather blamed my
conduct than otherwise. " Heaven grant, 19 said he one
day, " that all this virtue may meet with its reward !
But, between ourselves, you might as well be a little
more practicable with the clerk of the kitchen."
" What !" answered I, " shall this freebooter put a bold
OIL BLAS. 1Q1
face upon the matter, and charge alfish at ten pistoles
in his bill which cost only four, and would you have
me pass the article in my accounts V " Why not t"
replied he, coolly. " He has only to let you go snacks in
the commission, and the books will be balanced in your
favour by the customary rule of stewardship arithme-
tic. Upon my word, my friend, you are enough to
overturn all regular systems of housekeeping ; and you
are likely to end your days in a livery, if you let the
eel slip through your fingers without skinning it. You
are to learn that fortune is a very woman ; ready and
eager to surrender, but expecting the formality of a
summons."
I only laughed at this doctrine ; and Nunez laughed
at it too, when he found that bad advice was thrown
away upon an incorrigibly honest subject. He then
wished to make me believe it was all a mere joke. At
all events, nothing could shake my resolution to act for
my employer as for myself. Indeed my actions cor-
responded with my words on that subject, for I may
venture to say that, in four months, my master saved at
least three thousand ducats by my thrift.
CHAPTER XVI.
AN ACCIDENT HAPPENS TO THE COUNT DE GALIANO'8 MONKEY ;
HIS LORDSHIP'8 AFFLICTION ON THAT OCCASION. -THE ILL-
NESS OF OIL BLA8, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES.
At the expiration of the before-mentioned time, the
repose of the family was marvellously troubled by an
accident, which will appear but a trifle to the reader ;
and yet it was a very serious matter to the household,
especially to me. Cupid, the monkey of whom I was
speaking, that animal, so much the idol of our lord and
master, attempting to leap from one window to another,
performed so ill as to fall into the court and put his leg
out of joint. No sooner were the fatal tidings carried
to the count, than he sung a dirge which pealed through
all the neighbourhood. In the extremity of his suffer-
ings, every inmate without exception was taken to task,
and we were all within an inch of being packed off
9*
102 OIL BLAS.
about our business. But the storm only rumbled, with-
out falling ; he gave us and our negligence to the devil,
without being by any means select in the terms of the
bequest. The most notorious of the faculty in the line
of fractures and dislocations were sent for. They ex-
amined the poor dear leg, set, and bound it up. But
though they all gave it as their opinion that there was
no danger, my master could not be satisfied without
retaining the most eminent about the person of the an-
imal, till he could be pronounced to be in a state of
convalescence.
It would be a manifest injustice to the family affec-
tions of his Sicilian lordship, not to commemorate all
the agonizing sensations of his soul during this period
of painful suspense. Would it be thought possible that
this tender nurse did not stir from his darling Cupid's
bedside all the livelong day ? The bandages were never
altered or adjusted but in his presence, and he got up
two or three times in the night to inquire after his pa-
tient. The most provoking part of the business was,
that all the servants, and myself in particular, were
required to be eternally on the alert, to anticipate the
slightest wishes of this ridiculous baboon. In short,
there was no peace in the house till the cursed beast,
having recovered from the effects of its fall, got back
again to his old tricks and whirligigs. After this shall
we be mealy-mouthed about believing Suetonius, when
he tells us that Caligula cared more for his horse than
for all the world besides, that he gave him more than
the establishment and attendance of a senator, and that
he even wanted to make him consul? Our wise master
stopped little short of the emperor in his partiality to
the monkey, and had serious thoughts of purchasing
for him the place of corregidor.
Mine was the worst luck of any in the family ; for I
had so topped my part above all the other servants, by
way of paying my court to his lordship, and had nursed
poor dear Cupid with such assiduity, as to throw my-
self into a fit of illness. A violent fever seized me, so
that I was almost at death's door. They did what they
pleased with me for a whole fortnight, without my con-
sciousness ; for the physicians and the fates were both
conspiring against me. But my youth was more than
a match for the fever and the prescriptions united.
When I recovered my senses, the first use I made of
GIL BLAS. 103
them was to observe myself removed to another room.
I wanted to know why, and asked an old woman who
nursed me ; but she told me that I must not talk, as the
physician had expressly forbidden it. When we are
well, we turn up our noses at the doctors ; but, when
we are sick, we are as much like old women as them-
selves.
It seemed best, therefore, to keep silence, though with
an inveterate longing to hold converse with my attend-
ant. I was debating the point in my own mind, when
there eame in two foppish-looking fellows, dressed in
the very extreme of fashion. Nothing less than velvet
would serve their turn, with linen and lace to corre-
spond. They looked like men of rank ; and I could
have sworn that they were some of my master's friends,
come to see me out of regard for him. Under that im-
pression I attempted to sit up, and flung away my night-
cap to look genteel ; but the nurse forced me under the
bedclothes again, and tucked me up, announcing these
gentlemen at the same time as my physician and
apothecary.
The doctor came up to my bedside, felt my pulse,
looked in my face, and, discovering undeniable symp-
toms of approaching convalescence, assumed an air of
triumph, as if it were all his handiwork ; and said there
was nothing wanting but to keep the bowels open, and
then he flattered himself he might boast of having per-
formed an extraordinary cure. Speaking after this
manner, he dictated a prescription to the apothecary,
looking in the glass all the time, adjusting the dress of
his hair, and twisting his visage into shapes which set
me laughing in spite of my debility. At length he took
his leave with a slight inclination of the head, and went
his way more taken with the contemplation of his own
pretty person, than anxious about the success of his
remedies.
After his departure, the apothecary, not to have the
trouble of a visit for nothing, made ready to proceed as
.it is prescribed in certain cases. Whether he was
afraid that the old woman's skill was not equal to the
exigency, or whether he meant to enhance his own ser-
vices by assiduity, he chose to operate in person ; but,
in spite of practice and experience, accidents will
happen. Haste to return benefits is among the most
amiable propensities of our nature ; and such was my
104 OIL BLA8.
eagerness not to be behindhand with my benefactor/
that his velvet dress bore immediate testimony to the
profuseness of my gratitude. This he considered
merely as one of those little occurrences which checker
the fortunes of the pharmaceutical profession. A nap-
kin is a resource for every thing in a sick room, and
least said was soonest mended ; so he wiped himself
quietly, vowing indemnity and vengeance to himself for
the necessity under which he unquestionably laboured
of sending his clothes to the scourer.
On the following morning he returned to the attack
more modestly equipped, though there was then no risk
of my springing a countermine, as he had only to ad-
minister the potion which the doctor had prescribed the
evening before. Besides that I felt myself getting bet-
ter every moment, I had taken such a dislike, since the
day before, to the pill-dispensing tribe, as to curse the
very universities where these graduated cut-throats
kept their exercises in the faculty of slaying. In this
temper of mind I declared, with a round oath, that I would
not accept of health through such a medium, but would
willingly make over Hippocrates and his myrmidons to
the devil. The apothecary, who did not care a doit
what became of his compound if it was but paid for,
left the vial on the table, and stalked away in Telamo-
nian silence.
I immediately ordered that bitch of a medicine to be
thrown out of window, having set myself so doggedly
against it that I would as soon have swallowed arsenic.
Having once drawn the sword, 1 threw away the scab-
bard ; and erecting my tongue into an independent po-
tentate, told my nurse, in a determined tone, that she
must absolutely inform me what was become of my
master. The old lady, fearing lest the development of
the mystery might completely overset me, or thinking
possibly that her prey might escape out of her clutches
for want of a little irritating contradiction, was most
provokingly mute ; but I was so pressing in my demand
to be obeyed, that she at length gave me a decisive an-
swer : " Worthy sir, you have no longer any master
but your own will. Count Galiano is gone back into
Sicily."
I could not believe my ears ; and yet it was fatally
the fact. That nobleman, on the second day of my in-
disposition, being afraid of harbouring dea$ under the
GIL BLAS. 105
same roof with him, had the benevolence to send me
packing with my little effects to a ready-furnished
room, where Providence was left to cure, or a nurse to
kill me, as it happened. While the alternative was
tottering on the balance, he was ordered back into
Sicily, and in the headlong haste of his obedience,
never thought about me ; whether it was that he num-
bered me already among the dead, or that great lords,
like great wits, have short memories.
My nurse gave me these particulars, and informed me
that it was she who had called in a physician and an
apothecary, that I might not die without professional
honours. I fell into profound musing at this fine story.
Farewell my brilliant establishment in Sicily ! Fare-
well my budding hopes and blushing honours f " When
any great misfortune shall have befallen you," says a
certain pope, " look well to your own conduct, and you
will find that there is always something wrong at the
bottom of it." With all reverent submission to his
holiness, I cannot help thinking myself in this instance
an exception to the infallibility of his maxim. How
the deuse was I to blame for being visited by a fever ?
There was more reason for remorse in the monkey or
his master than in me.
When I beheld the flattering chimeras with which my
head was filled all vanishing into air, into thin air, the
first thing that worried my poor brain was my portman-
teau, which I ordered to be laid upon my bed to exam-
ine it. 1 groaned heavily on discovering that it had
been opened. " Alas ! my dear portmanteau," exclaimed
I, " my only hope, consolation, and refuge ! You have
been, to all appearance, a prisoner in an enemy's coun-
try." " No, no, Signor Gil Bias," said the old woman,
" make yourself easy on that head ; you have not fallen
among thieves. Your baggage is as immaculate as my
honour."
I found the dress I had on at my first entrance into
the count's service ; but it was in vain to look for that
which my friend from Messina had ordered for me as a
member of the household. My master had not thought
fit to leave me in possession of it, or else some one had
made free with it. All my other little matters were
safe, and even a large leather purse with my coin in it,
which I counted over twice, not being able to believe
at first that there could be only fifty pistoles remaining
3
106 OIL BLAB*
out of two hundred and sixty, which was the balance
of the account before my illness. " What is the mean-
ing of all this, my good lady V said I to the nurse.
" Here is a leak in the vessel." " No living soul but
myself has touched a farthing," answered the old woman,
" and I have been as good an economist for you as pos-
sible. But illness is very expensive ; one must always
have one's money in one's hand. Here !" added this
excellent economist, taking a bundle of papers out of
her pocket, " this is a statement of debtor and creditor,
as exact as a banker's book, and you will see that I have
not laid out the veriest trifle in need-nots."
I ran over the account with a hasty glance ; for it ex-
tended to fifteen or twenty pages. Mercy on us ! The
poulterers' shops must have been exhausted, while I was
in too weak a state to take sustenance ! There must have
been at least twelve pistoles stewed down into broths.
Other articles were much to the same tune. It was in-
credible what a sum had been lavished in firing, can*
dies, water, brooms, and innumerable articles of house-
keeping and house-cleaning. After all, extortionate as
the bill was, the utmost ingenuity could not raise it above
thirty pistoles, and consequently there was a deficiency
of a hundred and eighty to make the account even. I
just ventured to point that out; but the old woman,
with a show of simplicity and candour, put all the saints
in the calendar into requisition, to attest that there were
no more than eighty pistoles in thfe purse when the
count's steward gave her charge of the wallet. " What
say you, my good woman," interrupted 1, with precipi-
tation : " was it the steward who placed my effects in
your hands?" "To be sure it was," answered she;
" the very man; and with this piece of advice ; Here,
good mother, when Signor Gil Bias shall be numbered
with the dead, do* not fail to treat him with a handsome
funeral ; there is in this wallet wherewithal to defray the
expenses.' "
" Ah ! most pestiferous Neapolitan !" exclaimed I, in
the bitterness of my heart. " I am no longer at a loss to
conjecture what has become of the deficiency. You
have swept it off as an indemnity for a part of the plun-
der which I have prevented you from making free
with." After relieving my mind by exclamations, I re-
turned thanks to heaven that the scoundrel had been so
modest as not to take the whole. Yet, whatever reason,
OIL BLAS. 107
I had for believing the action to be perfectly in charac-
ter for the person to whom it was imputed, the nurse
had not altogether cleared herself from my suspicions.
They hovered sometimes over one and sometimes over
the other ; but, let them light where they would, it was
all the same to me. I said nothing about the matter to
the old woman ; not even so much as to haggle about
the items of her fine bill. I should not have been an
atom the richer for doing so ; and we must all live by our
trades. The utmost of my malice was to pay her and
send her packing three days afterward.
I am inclined to think that at her departure she gave
the apothecary notice of her quitting the premises, and
of having left me sufficiently in possession of myself to
take French leave without acknowledging my obliga-
tions to him ; for she had not been gone many minutes
before he came in puffing and blowing, with his bill in
his hand. There, under names which had escaped my
conscription, though as arrant a physician as the worst
of them, he had set down all the hypothetical remedies
which he insisted that I had taken during the time when
I could take nothing. This bill might truly be called the
epitome of an apothecary's conscience. Such being the
case, we had a bustle about the payment. I pleaded for
an abatement of one half. He swore that he would
not take a doit less than his just demand. He kept his
oath, and yet relaxed ; for, considering that he had to do
with a young man who might run away from Madrid
within four- and- twenty hours, he preferred my offer of
three hundred per cent, on the prime cost of his drugs,
though a pitiful profit for an apothecary, to the risk of
losing all. I counted out the money with an aching
heart, and he withdrew, chuckling over his revenge for
the scurvy trick I had played him on the day of evacu-
ation.
The physician made his appearance next ; for beasts
of prey inhabit the same latitudes. I feed him for his
visits, which had been quite as frequent as necessary,
and his object was answered. But he would not leave
me without proving how hardly he had earned his
money, for that he had not only expelled the enemy
from the interior, but had defended the frontiers from
the attack of all the disorders on the army list of the
materia medica. He talked very learnedly, with good
emphasis and discretion;, so much so* that F did not
106 OIL BLAB.
comprehend one word he said. When I had got rid of
him, I flattered myself that the destinies had now done
their worst. But I was mistaken ; for there came a sur-
geon whose face I had never seen in the whole course
of my life. He accosted me very politely, and congrat-
ulated me on the imminent danger I had escaped ; at-
tributing the happy issue of my complaints to those
which he had himself cut, with the profuse application
of bleeding, cupping, blistering, and all sorts of torments,
consequent and inconsequent. Another feather out of
my poor wing ! I was obliged to pay toll to the surgeon
also. After so many purgatives, my purse was brought
to such a state of debility, that it might be considered
as dead and gone ; a mere skeleton, drained of all its
vital juices.
My spirits began to flag on the contemplation of my
wretched case. In the service of my two fast masters, I
had wedded myself to the pomps and vanities of this
wicked world ; and could no longer, as heretofore, look
poverty in the face with the sternness of a cynic. It
must be owned, however, that I was in the wrong to
give way to melancholy, after experiencing so often
that fortune had never cast me down but for the pur-
pose of raising me up again ; so that my pitiful plight at
the present moment, if rightly considered, was only to
be hailed as the harbinger of approaching prosperity.
BOOK II.
CHAPTER I.
GIL BLAB 8CRAPBS AN ACQUAINTANCE OF SOME VALUE, AND
FINDS WHEREWITHAL TO MAKE AMENDS FOR THE COUNT DE
GALIANO's INGRATITUDE. DON VALERIO DE LUNO's STORY.
r
It seemed so strange to have heard not a syllable from
Nunez during tins long interval, that I concluded he
must be in the country. I went to look after him as
soon as I could walk, and found the fact to be that he
had gone into Andalusia three weeks ago with the Duke
of Medina Sidonia.
OIL BLA8. 109
One morning, when rubbing my eyes after a sound
sleep, Melchior de la Ronda started into my recollection :
and that bringing to mind my promise at Grenada,, of
going to see his nephew if ever I should return to Mad-
rid, it seemed advisable not to defer fulfilling my prom-
ise for a single day. I inquired where Don Balthazar
de Zuniga lived, and went thither straightway. On ask*
ing if Signor Joseph Navarro was at home, he made his
appearance immediately. We exchanged bows with a
well-bred coolness on his part, though I had taken care
to announce my name audibly. There was no reconci-
ling such a frosty reception with the glowing portrait
ascribed to this paragon of the buttery* I was just going
to withdraw, in the full determination of not coming
again, when, assuming all at once an open and smiling
aspect, he said, with considerable earnestness, "Ah!
Signor Gil Bias de San till ane, pray forgive the formality
of your welcome. My memory ill seconded the warmth
of my disposition towards you. Your name had esca-
ped me, and was not at the moment identified with the
gentleman of whom mention was made in a letter from
Grenada more than four months ago.
" How happy am I to see you !" added he, shaking
hands with me most cordially. " My uncle Melchior,
whom I love and honour like my natural father, charges
me, if by chance I should have the honour of seeing you,
to entertain you as his own son, and, in case of need, to
stretch my own credit and that of my friends to the ut-
most in your behalf. He extols the qualities of your
heart and mind in terms sufficient of themselves to en-
gage me in your service, though his recommendation
had not been added to the other motives. Consider me,
therefore, I entreat you, as participating in all my uncle's
sentiments. You may depend on my friendship : let me
hope for an equal share in yours."
I replied to Joseph's polite assurances in suitable
terms of acknowledgment ; so that, being both of us
warm-hearted and sincere, a close intimacy sprung up
without waiting for common forms. I felt no embarrass-
ment about laying open the state of my affairs. This I
had no sooner done, than he said, " I take upon myself
the care of finding you a situation ; meanwhile, there is
a knife and fork for you here every day. You will live
rather better than at an ordinary." This offer was sure
to be well relished by an invalid just recovering, with a
JO-
110 OIL BLAS.
fastidious palate and an empty pocket. It could not but
be accepted ; and I picked up my crumbs so fast, that at
the end of a fortnight I began to look like a rosy-gilled
son of the church. It struck me that Melchior's nephew
larded his lean sides to some purpose. But how could
it be otherwise 1 he had three strings to his bow, as hold-
ing the undermentioned pluralities : the butler's place,
the clerkship of the kitchen, and the stewardship. Fur-
thermore, without meaning to question my friend's hon-
esty, they do say that the comptroller of the household
and he looked over each other's hands.
My recovery was entirely confirmed, when my friend
Joseph, on my coming in to dinner as usual one day, said,
with an air of congratulation, " Signor Gil Bias, I have
a very tolerable situation in view for you. You must
know that the Duke of Lerma, first minister of the crown
in Spain, giving himself up entirely to state affairs,
throws the burden of his own on two confidential per-
sons. Don Diego de Monteser takes the charge of col-
lecting his rents, and Don Rodrigo de Calderona super-
intends the finances of his household. These two of-
ficers are paramount in their departments, having noth-
ing to do with one another. Don Diego has generally
two deputies to transact the business ; and, finding just
now that one of them had been discharged, I have
been canvassing for you. Signor Monteser having the
greatest possible regard for me, granted my request at
once, on the strength of my testimony to your morals
and capacity. We will pay our respects to him after
dinner." #
We did not miss our appointment. I was received
with every mark of favour, and promoted in the room*
of the dismissed deputy. My business consisted in vis-
iting the farms, in giving orders for the necessary re-
pairs, in dunning the farmers, and keeping them. to time
in their payments ; in a word, the tenants were all un-
der my thumb, and Don Diego checked my accounts,
every month with a minuteness which few receivers
could have borne. But this was exactly what I wanted.
Though my uprightness had been so ill requited by my
late master, it was my only inheritance, and I was deter-
mined not to sell the reversion.
One day news came that the castle of Lerma had ta-
ken fire, and was more than half burnt down. I imme-
diately went thither to estimate the loss. Informing
GILBLAS. HI
myself to a nicety, and on the spot, respecting all the
particulars of the unlucky accident, I drew up a detailed
narrative, which Monte ser showed to the Duke of Ler-
ma. That minister, though vexed at the circumstance,
was struck with the memorial, and inquired who was
the author. Don Diego thought it not enough to answer
the question, but spoke of me in such high terms, that
his excellency recollected it six months afterward, on
occasion of an incident I shall now relate, had it not
been for which I might never, perhaps, have been em-
ployed at court. It was as follows :
There lived at that time in Prince's-street an elderly
lady, by name Inesilla de Cantarilla. Her birth was a
matter of mystery. Some said she was the daughter of
a musical instrument maker, and others gave her a high
military extraction. However that might be, she was a
very extraordinary personage. Nature had gifted her
with the singular talent of winning men's hearts in defi-
ance of time, and in contradiction to her own laws ; for
she was now entering upon the fourth quarter of her cen-
tury. She had been the reigning toast of the old court,
and levied tribute on the passions of the new. Age,
though at daggers drawn with beauty, was completely
foiled in its assault upon her charms ; they might be
somewhat faded, but the touch of sympathy they exci-
ted in their decline was more pleasing than the vivid
glow of their meridian lustre. An air of dignity, a
transporting wit and humour, an unborrowed grace in
her deportment, perpetuated the reign of passion, and si-
lenced the suggestions of reason.
Don Valerio de Luna, one of the Duke of Lerma's
secretaries, a young fellow of five-and-twenty, meeting
with Inesilla, fell violently in love with her. He made
his sentiments known, enacted all the mummery of de-
spair, and followed up the usual catastrophe of every
amorous drama so much according to the unities and
rules, that it was difficult, in the very torrent and whirl-
wind of his passion, to beget a temperance that might
give it smoothness. The lady, who had her reason for
not choosing to fall in with his humour, was at a loss
how to get out of the difficulty. One day, she was in
hopes to have found the means by calling the young
man into her closet, and there pointing to a clock upon
the table. "Mark the precise hour," said she; "just
seventy-five years ago was I brought upon the stage of
112 Q1L BLA.S.
this fantastical world. In good earnest, would it sit
well upon my time of life to be engaged in affairs of
gallantry ? Betake yourself to reflection, my good child ;
stifle sentiments so unsuitable to your own circumstan-
ces and mine." Sensible as this language was, the
spark, no longer bowing to the authority of reason, an-
swered the lady with aU the impetuosity of a man rack-
ed by the most excruciating torments . " Cruel Inesilla,
why have you recourse to such frivolous remonstrances !
Do you think they can change your charms or my de-
sires ? Delude not yourself with so false a hope. As
long as your loveliness or my delusion lasts, I shall
never cease to adore you." "Well, then," rejoined
she, " since you are obstinate enough to persist in the
resolution of wearying me with your importunities, my
doors shall henceforth be shut against you. You are
banished, and I must beg to be no longer troubled with
your company."
It may be supposed, perhaps, that after this, Don Va-
lerio, baffled, made good his retreat like a prudent gen-
eral. Quite the reverse ! He became more troublesome
than ever. Love is to lovers just what wine is to drunk-
ards. The swain entreated, sighed, looked, and sighed
again ; when all at once, changing his note from childish
treble to the big manly voice of bluster and ravishment,
he swore that he would have by foul means what he
could not obtain by fair. But the lady, repulsing him
courageously, said, with a piercing look of strong resent-
ment, " Hold, imprudent wretch ! I shall put a curb on
your mad career. Learn that you are my own son !"
Don Valerio was thunderstruck at these words ; the
tempest of his rage subsided. But, conjecturing that
Inesilla had only started this device to rid herself of his
solicitations, he answered, " That is a mere romance
for the moment, to steal away from my ardent desires.'*
" No, no," said she, interrupting him, " I disclose a
mystery which should have been for ever buried, had
you not reduced me to so painful a necessity. It is
six-and-twenty years since I was in love with your
father, Don Pedro de Luna, then governor of Segovia :
you were the fruit of our mutual passion : he owned
you, brought you up with care and tenderness, and, hav-
ing no children born in wedlock, he had nothing to
hinder him from distinguishing your good qualities by
the gifts of fortune. On my part, I have not forsaken
Oil blas. 113
you ; as soon as you were of an age to be introduced
into the world, I drew you into the circle of my ac-
quaintance, to form your manners to that polish of good
company so necessary for a gentleman, which is only
to be gained in female society. I have done more : I
have employed all my credit to introduce you to the
prime minister. In short, 1 have interested myself for
you as I should have done for my own son. After this
confession, take your measures accordingly. If you
can purge your affections from their dross, and look on
me as a mother, you are not banished from my pres-
ence, and I shall treat you with my accustomed tender-
ness. But, if you are not equal to an effort which na-
ture and reason demand from you, fly instantly, and
release me from the horror of beholding you."
Inesilla spoke to this effect. Meanwhile, Don Valerio
preserved a sullen silence : it might have been inter-
preted into a virtuous struggle, a conquest over the
weakness of his heart. But his purposes were far dif-
ferent ; he had another scene to act before his mother.
Unable to withstand the total overthrow of all his wild
projects, he basely yielded to despair. Drawing his
sword, he plunged it into his own bosom. His fate
resembled that of (Edipus, with this distinction ; that
the Theban put out his own eyes, from remorse for the
crime he had perpetrated, while the Castilian, on the
contrary, committed suicide, from disappointment at the
frustration of his purposes.
The unhappy Don Valerio was not released from his
sufferings immediately. He had leisure left for recol-
lection, and for making his peace with heaven, before
he rushed into the presence of his Maker. As his death
vacated one of the secretaryships on the Duke of Ler-
ma's establishment, that minister, not having forgot my
memoir on the subject of the fire, nor the high charac-
ter he had heard of me, nominated me to succeed to the
post in question.
10*
214 l BLA9.
CHAPTER II.
OIL BLAB 18 INTRODUCED TO THE DUKE OF LERMA, WHO AD-
MITS HIM AMONG THE NUMBER OF HIS SECRETARIES, AND
REQUIRES A 8PECIMEN OF HIS TALENTS, WITH WHICH HE U
WELL SATISFIED*
Monteser was the person to inform me of this agree*
able circumstance, which he did in the following terms :
" My friend Gil Bias, though 1 do not lose you without
regret, I am too much your well-wisher not to be de-
lighted at your promotion in the room of Don Valerio.
You cannot fail to make a princely fortune, provided
you act upon two hints which I have to give you : the
first, to affect so total a devotion to his excellency's
good pleasure, as to leave no room to conceive it possi-
ble that you have any other object or interest in life :
the second, to pay your court assiduously to Signor Don
Rodrigo de Calderona ; for that personage models and
remodels, fashions and touches upon the mind of his
master, just as if it was clay under the hands of the
designer. If you are fortunate enough to chime in with
that favourite secretary, you will travel post to wealth
and honour, and find relays upon the road."
" Sir," said I to Don Diego, returning him thanks at
the same time for his good advice, " be pleased to give
some little opening to Don Rodrigo's character. 1 have
heard a few anecdotes of him. One would suppose him,
from some accounts, not to be the best creature in the
world ; but the people at large are inveterate caricatu-
rists when they draw courtiers at full length; though,
after all, the likeness will strike, in spite of the aggra-
vation. Tell me, therefore, I beseech you, what is your
own sincere opinion of Signor Calderona." " That is
rather an awkward question," answered my principal,
with an ironical smile. "I should tell any one but
yourself, without flinching, that he was a gentleman of
the strictest honour, upon whose fair fame the breath of
calumny had never dared to blow ; but I really cannot
put off such a copy of my countenance upon you. Re-
lying as I do on your discretion, it becomes a duty to
OIL BLAfl. Hd
deal candidly in the delineation of Don Rodrigo ; for,
without that, it would be playing fast and loose with
you to recommend the cultivation of his good- will.
44 You are to know, then, that when his excellency
was no more than plain Don Francisco de Sandoval, this
man had the humility to serve him as his lackey ; since
winch time he has risen by degrees to the post of prin-
cipal secretary. A prouder excrescence of the dunghill
never sprung into vegetation on a summer's day. He
considers himself as the. Duke of Lerma's colleague ;
and, in point of fact, he may truly be said to parcel out
the loaves and fishes of administration, since he gives
away offices and governments at the suggestions of his
own caprice. The public grumbles and growls upon
occasion ; but who cares for the grumbling and growling
of the public ! Let him steal a pair of gloves from the
prostitution of political honour, and the bronze upon his
forehead will be proof against the peltings of scandal.
What I have said will decide your dealings towards so
supercilious a compound of dust and ashes." " Yes, to
be sure," said I ; " leave me alone for that. It will be
strange, indeed, if I cannot wriggle myself into his good
graces. If one can but get on the blind side of a man
who is to be made a property, it must be want of skill
in the player if the game is lost." " Exactly so," repli-
ed Monteser ; " and now I will introduce you to the
Duke of Lerma."
We went at once to the minister, whom we found in
his audience-chamber. His levee was more crowded
than the king's. There were commanders and knights
of St. James and of Calatrava, making interests for gov-
ernments and viceroyalties ; bishops, who, labouring
under oppression of the breath and tightness of the
chest in their own diocesses, had been recommended
the air of an archbishopric by their physicians ; while
the sounder lungs of lower dignitaries were strong
enough to inhale the Theban atmosphere of a suffragan
see. I observed, besides, some reduced officers dancing
attendance to Captain Chinchilla's tune, and catching
cold in fishing for a pension, which was never likely to
pay the doctor for their cure. If the duke did not satis-
fy their wants, he put a pleasant face upon their impor-
tunities, and it struck me that he returned a civil an-
swer to all applicants.
We waited patiently till the routine of ceremony was
110 Gil BLAS.
despatched. Then said Don Diego, " My lord, this is
Gil Bias de Santillane, the young man appointed by
your excellency to succeed Don Valerio." The duke
now took more particular notice of me, saying, obliging-
ly, that I had already earned my promotion by my ser-
yices. He then took me to a private conference in his
closet, or rather to an examination. My birth, parent-
age, and course of life were the objects of his inquiry ;
nor would he be satisfied without the particulars, and
those in the spirit of sincerity. What a career to run
over before a patron ! Yet it was impossible to lie, in
the presence of a prime minister. On the other hand,
my vanity was concerned in suppressing so many cir-
cumstances, that there was no venturing on an unqual-
ified confession. What cunning scene had Roscius then
to act ! A little painting and tattooing might decently
be employed, to disguise the nakedness of truth, and
spare her unsophisticated blushes. But he had studied
her complexion, as well as the beauties of her natural
form. " Monsieur de Santillane," said he, with a smile,
on the close of my narrative, " I perceive that hitherto
you have had your principles to choose." " My lord,"
answered I, colouring up to the eyes, " your excellency
enjoined me to deal sincerely ; and I have complied
with your orders." " I take your doing so in good part,"
replied he. " It is all very well, my good fellow : you
have escaped from the snares of this wicked world more
by luck than management : it is wonderful that bad ex-
ample should not have corrupted you irreparably.
There are many men of strict virtue and exemplary pi-
ety, who would have turned out the greatest rogues in
existence, if their destinies had exposed them to but
half your trials.
" Friend Santillane," continued the minister, " ponder
no longer on the past ; consider yourself as to the very
bone and marrow the king's ; live henceforth but for
his service. Come this way; I will instruct you in
the nature of your business." He carried me into a
little closet adjoining his own, which contained a score
of thick folio registers. " This is your workshop," said
he. " All these registers compose an alphabetical peer-
age, giving the heraldry and history of all the nobility
and gentry in the several kingdoms and principalities
of the Spanish monarchy. In these volumes are record-
ed the services rendered to the state by the present
GIL BLAS. 117
possessors and their ancestors, descending even to the
personal animosities and rencounters of the individuals
and their houses. Their fortunes, their manners, in a
word, all the pros and cons of their character, are set
down according to the letter of ministerial security : so
that they no sooner enter on the list of court candi-
dates, than my eye catches up the very chapter and
verse of their pretensions. To furnish this necessary
information, I have pensioned scouts everywhere on
the look-out, who send me private notices of their dis-
coveries : but, as these documents are for the most part
drawn up in a gossiping and provincial style, they re-
quire to be translated into gentlemanly language, or the
king would not be able to support the perusal of the
registers. This task demands the. pen of a polite and
perspicuous writer; I doubt not but yon will justify
your claim to the appointment."
After this introduction, he put a memorial into my
hand, taken from a large portfolio full of papers ; and
then withdrew from my closet, that my first specimen
might be manufactured in all the freedom of solitude. I
read the memorial, which was not only stuffed with a
most uncouth jargon, but breathed a brimstone spirit of
rancour and personal revenge. This was most foul,
strange, and unnatural : for the homily was written by
a monk. He hacked and hewed a Catalan family of
some note most unmercifully: with what reason or
truth, it must be reserved for a more penetrating inqui-
rer to decide. It read for all the world like an infamous
libel, and 1 had some scruples about becoming the pub-
Usher of the calumny : nevertheless, young as 1 was at
court, I plunged head foremost, at the risk of sinking
and destroying his reverence's soul. The wickedness,
if there was any, would be put down to his running ac-
count with the recording angel : I therefore had nothing
to do but to vilify, in the purest Spanish phraseology,
some two or three generations of honest men and loyal
subjects.
I had already blackened four or &ye pages, when the
duke, impatient to know how I got on, came back and
said, " Santillane, show me what you have done ; I ant
curious to see it." At the same time, casting his eye
over the transcript, he read the beginning with much
attention. It seemed to please him ; strange that he
could be so pleased ! " Prepossessed as 1 have been in
118 6IL BLAS.
your favour," observed he, " I must own that you have
surpassed my expectations. It is not merely the ele-
gance and distinctness of the handwriting ! There is
something animated and glowing in the composition.
You will do ample credit to my choice, and fully make
up for the loss of your predecessor." He would not
have cut my panegyric, so short, if his nephew the
Count de Lemos had not interrupted him in the middle
of it. By the warmth and frequency of his excellen-
cy's welcome, it was evident that they were the best
friends in the world. They were immediately closet-
ed together on some family business, of which I shall
speak in the sequel. The king's affairs, at this time,
were obliged to play second to those of the minister.
While they were caballing it struck twelve. As I
knew that the secretaries and their clerks quitted office
at that hour, to go and dine wherever their business and
desire should point them, I left my prize performance
behind me, and went to the gayest tavern at the court
end of the town ; for I had nothing further to do with
Monteser, who had paid my salary, and taken his leave
of me. But a common eating-house would have been a
very improper place for me to be seen in. " Consider
?ourself as to the very bone and marrow the king's."
'his metaphorical expression of the duke had given
birth to a real and tangible ambition in my soul, which
put forth shoots like a plantation in a fat and unvexed
soil.
CHAPTER III.
ALL IS MOT GOLD THAT GLITTERS. SOME UNEA81NEB3 RE-
SULTING rROM THE DISCOVERT OF THAT PRINCIPLE IN
PHILOSOPHY, AND ITS PRACTICAL APPLICATION TO EXIST-
ING CIRCUMSTANCES.
I took especial care, on my first entrance, to instil
into the tavern-keeper's conception that I was secreta-
ry to the prime minister ; nor was it easy, in that view
of my rank and consequence, to order any thing suffi-
ciently sumptuous for dinner. To have selected from
the bill of fare, might have looked as if I descended to
the meanness of calculation ; I therefore told him to
OIL BLAB. 119
fiend up the best the house afforded. My orders were
punctually obeyed ; and the anxious assiduity of the at-
tendants pampered my fancy as much as the dishes did
my palate. As to the bill, I had nothing to do with it
but to pay it. Down went a pistole upon the table, and
the waiters pocketed the difference, which was some-
what more than a quarter. After this display of gran-
deur I strutted out, practising those obstreperous clear-
ings of the throat, which announce, by empty sound,
the approach of a substantial coxcomb.
There was, at the distance of twenty yards, a large
house with lodgings to let, principally frequented by
foreign nobility. I rented at once a suite of apartments,
consisting of five or six rooms elegantly furnished.
From my style of living, any one would have* thought I
had two or three thousand ducats of yearly income*
The first month was paid in advance. Afterward I re-
turned to business, and employed the whole afternoon
in going on with what I had begun in the morning. In
a closet adjoining mine there were two other secreta-
ries ; but their office was only to copy out fair. I got
acquainted with them as we were shutting up for the
evening; and, by way of smoothing the first overtures
towards friendship, invited them home with me to my
tavern, where I ordered the choicest delicacies of the
season, with a profusion of the most exquisite wines.
We sat down to table, and began bandying about
more merriment than wit : for with all due deference to
my guests, it was but too visible that they owed their
official situations to any circumstance rather than to their
abilities. They were adepts, it must be confessed, in all
the history and mystery of scrivening and clerkship ;
but as for polite literature and university education,
there was not even a suspicion of it in all their talk.
To make amends for that defect, they had a keen
eye to the main chance ; and, though sensible how high
an honour it was to be on the prime minister's estab-
lishment, there were some dashes of acid in the cup of
good fortune. " It is now full five months," said one of
them, " that we have been serving at our own cost.
We do not touch one farthing of salary ; and, what is
worst of all, our very board wages are shamefully in
arrear. There is no knowing what footing we are
upon." " As for me," said the other, " I would willing-
ly be tied up to the halbert, and receive a per centage in
ISO OIL BLAB.
lashes, for the liberty of changing my birth; but I dare
not either take myself off or petition for my discharge,
after having transcribed such state secrets as have pass-
ed under my inspection. I might chance to become too
well acquainted with the tower of Segovia or the castle
of Alicant."
41 How do you manage for a subsistence, then ?" said
I. " You must, of course, have means of your own."
These they represented as very slender ; but that, for-
tunately for them, they lodged with a kind-hearted
widow, who boarded them on tick, at the rate of a hun-
dred pistoles a year for each. These anecdotes of a
court life, not one of which escaped me, completely
ventilated all the rising fumes of pride. It could not
be supposed that more consideration would be shown
to me than to others, and consequently there was noth-
ing to be so puffed up with in my post ; there seemed to
be much cry and little wool ; a discovery which render-
ed it expedient to husband my finances with a narrower
economy. A picture like this was enough to cure my
taste for treating. I repented not having left these sec-
retaries to find their own supper; for they played a
most cruel knife and fork at mine ! And, when the bill
was brought, I squabbled with the landlord about the
charges.
We parted at midnight, and the early breaking up was
to be laid at my door, for I did not propose another bot-
tle. They went home' to their widow, and I withdrew
to my magnificent lodgings, which I was now mad with
myself for having taken, and was fully determined to
give up at the month's end. My bed of down was
now converted into a couch of thorns ; sleep had aban-
doned his narcotic tenement, and sold the fee-simple of
my repose to the demon of eternal wakefulness. The
remainder of the night was passed in contriving not to
serve the state too patriotically. For that purpose I
bethought me of Monteser's good counsel. I got up
with the intention of making my bow to Don Rodrigo de
Calderona. My present temper was just pat to the pur-
pose of ingratiating myself with so high and mighty a
gentleman, whose patronage was indispensable to my
existence. I therefore presented my person in that sec-
retary's antechamber.
His apartments communicated with the duke's, and
rivalled them in the lustre of their decorations. The
CM. BLAf. liJl
field-officer could scarcely be distinguished from the sub-
altern by any outward distinction in his paraphernalia.
I sent in my name as Don Valerio's successor, but that
did not hinder me from kicking ray heels for a good
hour. Trusty, but novice officer of the king, said I,
while ruminating on court manners, learn a lesson of
patience, if so please you. You must begin with show-
ing paces yourself, and afterward make others bite the
bridle.
At length the door of the inner room opened. I went
in, and advanced towards Don Rodrigo, who had just
been writing an amorous epistle to bis charming siren,
and was giving it to Pedriuo at that very moment. I
had never manufactured my face and air into such a
counterfeit of reverence before the Archbishop of Gre-
nada, nor on my introduction to the Count de Galiano,
nor even in presence of the prime minister himself; the
crisis of my fawning was reserved for Signer de Calde-
rona. I paid my respects to him with my body bent
down to the very ground, as if crouching under the ken
of a superior intelligence ; and solicited his protection
in strains of humble hypocrisy, at which my cheek now
burns with shame, to think that man can so debase him-
self before his fellow-man. My servility would have re-
coiled to my own undoing, had it been practised towards
a compound of any manly and independent ingredients.
As for this fellow, he swallowed flattery by the lump
without mastication ; and assured me, just as if he
meant what he said, that he would leave no stone un-
turned to do me service.
Hereupon, thanking him with unlimited expressions
of attachment for -his kind and generous sentiments, I
sold my very soul, and all my little stock of conscience,
to his free disposal. But, as this farce might be tire*
some if prolonged, I took my leave, apologizing for hav-
ing broken in upon his more serious avocations. As
soon as I had finished this abominable scene, I slunk
back: to my desk, where I finished my prescribed task.
The duke was at my elbow the next morning. The end
of s iy performance was not less to his mind than the
begi nning, and he praised it accordingly & " This is ex-
tremely well indeed! Copy this abridgment in your
best , hand into the register of Catalonia. You shall not
wai it employment of this kind." I had a very long con-
fer sation with his excellency, and was delighted at his
Vol. II. F 11
122 GIL BULB.
mild and familiar deportment. What a contrast to Cal-
derona ! They might have sat to a painter for Pan and
Apollo.
To-day I dined at a cheap ordinary, and sunk the sec-
retary upon my messmates, till I should ascertain what
solid profit might accrue from all my bows and scrapes.
I had funds for three months or thereabouts. That in-
terval I allowed myself for casting my bread upon the
waters. But, as the shortest speculations are the safest,
if my salary was not paid by that time, a long farewell
to the court, its frippery, and its falsehood ! Thus were
my plans arranged. For two months I laboured hard
and fast to stand well with Calderona; but his senses
were so callous to all my assiduity, that it seemed la-
bour in vain to build on so hopeless a foundation. This
idea produced a change in my conduct. I left some
greener fool to fumigate the nostrils of this idol ; and
placed my own dependance on making my ground sure
with the duke, by the benefit of our frequent confer-
ences.
CHAPTER IV.
Ui BLAS BECOMES A FAVOURITE WITH THE DUCT OF LERMA,
AND TBS CONFIDANT OF AN IMPORTANT SECRET.
Though his grace's interviews with me were short as
the fleeting visions of supernatural communication, my
turn and character won its way gradually into his excel-
lency's good liking. One day after dinner he said,
" Attend to me, Gil Bias. I really like you very much.
You are a zealous, confidential lad, full of understand-
ing and discretion. My trust cannot be misplaced in
such hands." I threw myself at his feet at the music
of these words : and, kissing his outstretched hand, an-
swered thus : " Is it possible that your excellency can
think so favourably of your servant? What a host of
enemies will such a preference conjure up against me !
But Don Rodrigo is the only man whose privy grudge is
formidable enough to alarm me."
" You have nothing to fear from that quarter," re-
plied the duke. " I know Calderona. He has loved me
from his cradle. Every movement of his heart is in
GIL BLAS. 123
unison with mine. He cherishes whatever I love, and
hates in exact proportion to my dislike. So far from
being alarmed at his ill-will, you ought, on the contra-
ry, to hug yourself on his peculiar partiality." This let
me at once into the abysses of Don Rodngo's charac-
ter. He shuffled and cut the cards to his own deal, and
paid his debts of honour out of his excellency's pool.
One could not be too wary with this gentleman.
44 To begin," pursued the duke, " with a proof of my
thorough reliance on your faith, I will open to you a
long projected design. It is necessary for you to be in-
formed of it, to qualify you for the commissions with
which I shall hereafter have occasion to intrust you.
For a great length of time have I beheld my authority
universally respected, my decisions implicitly adopted,
places, pensions, governments, viceroyalties, and church
preferments, all awaiting my disposal. Without umbrage
to my royal master, 1 may be said to be absolute in
Spain. My individual fortunes can be pushed no higher.
But 1 would willingly fix firm the structure I have raised,
for the storms are already beginning to beat about the
citadel of my peace. My only safety must consist in
nominating my nephew, the Count de Lemos, as my
successor in the ministry. 1 '
This profound courtier, observing my astonishment,
went on thus. " I see plainly, Santillane, I see plainly
what surprises you. It seems strange and unaccounta-
ble that f should prefer my nephew to my own son, the
Duke d'Uzeda. But you are to learn that this last has
too narrow a genius to fill up my space in politics ; and
there are other reasons why I set my face against him.
He has found out the secret of making himself agreeable
to the king, who wants him for his interior cabinet, and
back stairs influence is what I cannot bear. Royal fa-
vour is a sort of political mistress ; exclusive possession
is its only charm. The very existence of the passion is
identified with inextinguishable jealousy; nor can we
endure to share the bliss, because our rival has been
nursed in our own bosom.
" Thus do I lay bare the very recesses of my soul. I
have already tried to ruin the Duke d'Uzeda with the
king; but having failed, am pointing my artillery to-
wards another object. I am determined that the Count
de Lemos shall stand first with the Prince of Spain.
Being gentleman of his bedchamber* he has opportune
F3
t24 GIL BLAS,
ties of talking with him continually ; and besides that he
has a winning manner with him, I know a sure method
of enabling him to succeed in his enterprise. By this
device, my nephew will be pitted against my son. The
cousins, harbouring unfavourable suspicions of each
other, will both be forced to place themselves under my
protection ; and the necessity of the case will render
them submissive to my will. This is my project; nor
will your assistance be of slender avail to its success.
It is you whom I shall make the private channel of com*
munication between the Count de Lemos and myself."
After this confidence, which sounded for all the world
like the clink of current coin, my mind was easy about
the future. At length, said I, behold me taking shelter
under Plutus's gutter; the golden shower may drench
me to the skin before I shall cry, hold* enough ! It is
impossible that the bosom friend of a man, by whom the
whole music of the political machine is tempered, should
be left to thrum upon the discord of poverty. Full of
these harmonious visions, my fifths and octaves were
bat little untuned by the sensible declension of my purse.
CHAPTER V.
THE JOTS, TOE HONOURS, AND THE MISERIES OF A COURT
LUTE, m THE PERSON OF OIL BLA8.
The minister's growing partiality towards me was
soon noticed. He displayed it ostentatiously by com-
mitting his portfolio to my custody, which it was his
habit to carry in his own hand when he went to coun-
cil. This novelty, causing me to be looked upon as a ri-
sing favourite, excited the envy of certain persons, so
that I was preciously sprinkled with the hellish dew of
court malevolence. My two neighbours, the secreta-
ries, were not the last to compliment me on my budding
honours, and invited me to supper at the widow's, not
so much by way of returning my hospitality, as with an
eye to business in the cultivation of my acquaintance.
Parties were made for me everywhere. Even the
haughty Don Rodrigo was cap-in-hand to me. He now
called me nothing less than Sijgnor de Santillane, though
the moon, had scarcely changed her faee sinee he thee'd
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GIL BLAB. 105
and thou'd me, without ever bethinking him that he was
talking to something above a pauper. He heaped me
up and pressed me down with civilities, especially with*
in eyeshot of our common patron. But the fool was
wiser than to be caught with chaff. The good-breeding
of my returns was nicely proportioned to my thorough
detestation of my humble servant : a rascal who had
lived in court all his life could not have played the ras-
cal better than I did.
I likewise accompanied my lord duke when he had an
audience of the king, which was usually three times a
day. In the morning he went into his majesty's chamber
as soon as he was awake. There he dropped down on
his marrow-bones by .the bedside, talked over what was
to be done in the course of the day, and put into the
royal mouth the speeches the royal tongue was to make.
He then withdrew. After dinner he came back again ;
not for state affairs, but for what, what t and a little gos-
sip. He was well instructed in all the tittle-tattle of
Madrid, which was sold to him at the earliest of the sea-
son. Lastly, in the evening he saw the king again for
the third time, put whatever colour he pleased on the
transactions of the day, and, as a matter of course, re-
quested his instructions for the morrow. While he was
with the king, I kept in the antechamber, where people
of the first quality, sinking that they might rise, threw
themselves m the way of my observation, and thought
the day not lost if I had deigned to .exchange a few
words of common civility with them. Was it to be
wondered at if my self-importance fattened upon such
food ? There are many folks at court who stalk about
on stilts of much frailer materials.
One day my vanity was still more highly pampered.
The king, to whom the duke had puffed off my style,
was curious to see a sample of it. His excellency made
me bring the register of Catalonia and myself into the
royal presence ; telling me to read the first memorial I
had digested. If so catholic a critic overpowered my
modesty at first, the minister's encouragement recalled
ray scattered spirits, and I read with good tone and em-
phasis what his majesty deigned to hear with some
symptoms of approbation. He spoke handsomely of my
performance, and recommended my fortunes to the es-
pecial care of his minister. My humility was not the
greater for the augmentation of my consequence $ and a
fgff tt. BUS*
particular donveraation some days afterward with the
Count de Lemos swelled high the springtide of all my
ambitious anticipations.
I waited on that nobleman from his uncle at the
Prince of Spam's court; and presented credentials from
the duke, directing him to deal unreservedly with me,
as with a man who embarked in their design, and se-
lected by himself exclusively as their go-between.
The count then took me to a room, where he locked the
door, and then spoke as follows : " Since you are con*
fidential with the Duke of Lerma, I doubt not you de*
serve to be so, and shall unbosom myself to you without
hesitation. You are to know that matters go on just
as we could wish. The Prince of Spain distinguishes
me above the most assiduous of his courtiers. I had a
Srivate conversation with him this morning, wherein
e expressed some disgust at being restrained by the
king's avarice from following the inclinations of his lib-
eral heart, and living on a scale befitting his august
rank. On this head 1 chimed in with his regrets ; and
taking advantage of the opportunity, promised to carry
him a thousand pistoles early to-morrow morning, as an
earnest of larger sums with which I have engaged to
feed his necessities forthwith. He was in ecstasy at
my promises ; and I am certain of securing his grace
and favour in tail, if I can but fulfil my engagement.
Acquaint my uncle with these particulars, and come
back in the evening with his sentiments on the sub-
ject."
I left the Count de Lemos with the last words quiv-
ering on his lips, and went back to the Duke of Lerma,
who, on'my report, sent to ask Calderona for a thousand
pistoles, which he charged me to carry to the count in
the evening. Away went I on my errand, muttering to
myself, M So, so ! now I have discovered the minister's y
infallible receipt for the cure of all evils. Faith and f
troth, he is in the right : and* to all appearance, he may
d*aw as copiously as he pleases from the spring, with-
out exhausting the source. I can easily guess what
bag these pistoles come from : but, after, all, is it not the
order of nature that the parent should nurture and' main-
tain the child *" The Count de Lemos, at our parting,
said to me, in a low voice, " Farewell, my good and
worthy friend. The Prince of Spain has a little hanker-
ing after the women. 1 we must have a little conversa-
mi, BLA8 ; . 1S7
tion on that subject one of these days ; I foresee that
your agency will be very applicable on that bead.*' I
returned with my head full of this last hint, which it
was impossible to misinterpret. Neither did I wish to
do so : for it suited my talents to a nicety. " What the
devil is to happen next ?" said I. * Behold me on the
point of becoming pimp to the heir of the monarchy. 11
Whether pimping was a virtue or a vice, I did not stop
to inquire : the coarse surtout of morality would have
worn but shabbily, while the passions of so exalted a
gallant were in the glare and glow of all their newest
gloss. What a promotion, for me to be the provider of
pleasure to a great prince ! Fair and softly, Master Gil
Bias, some one may say : after all, you will be but sec-
ond minister. Maybe so ; but, at bottom, the honour of
both these posts is equal; the difference lies in the
profit only.
While executing these honourable commissions, and
getting forward daily in the good graces of the prime
minister, what a happy being should I have been, if
statesmen were born with a set of intestines to turn the
chameleon's diet into chyle ! It was more than two
months since I had got rid of my grand lodging, and had
taken up my quarters in a little room scarcely good
enough for a banker's clerk. Though this was not quite
as it should be, yet, since I went out betimes in the
morning, and never returned at night before bedtime,
there was not much to quarrel about on that score. All
day I was the hero of my own stage, or rather of the
duke's. It was a principal part that I was playing.
But when I retired from this brilliant theatre to my
own cockloft, the great lord vanished, and poor Gil Bias
was left behind, without a royal image in his pocket,
and, what was worse, without the means of conjuring up
his glorious resemblance. Besides that it would have
wounded my pride to have divulged my necessities,
there was' not a creature of my acquaintance who could
have assisted me but Navarro, and him I had too palpa-
bly neglected since my introduction at court, to venture
on soliciting his benevolence. I had been obliged to sell
my wardrobe article by article. There was nothing
more left than was absolutely necessary to make a de-
cent appearance. I no longer went to the ordinary, be-
cause I had no longer wherewithal to pay my score.
How, then, did I make shift to keep body and soul togeth-
128 OIL BLAS.
er f There was every morning, in our offices, a scanty
breakfast set out, consisting of a little bread and wine ;
this was the whole of our commons on the minister's
establishment I never knew what it was to exceed
this stint during the day, and at night I most frequently
went supperless to bed.
Such was the fare of a man who made a splendid
figure at court ; but his illustrious fortunes, like those
of other courtiers, were more a subject of pity than of
grudge. I could no longer resist the pressure of my
circumstances, and ultimately resolved on their disclo-
sure at a seasonable opportunity. By good luck such
an occasion offered at the Escurial, whither the king
and the Prince of Spain removed some days afterward.
. CHAPTER VI.
HL BLAS OIVES THE DUKE OF LERMA A HINT OF HIS
WRETCHED CONDITION. THAT MINISTER DEALS WITH HIM
ACCORDINGLY.
When the king kepi his court at the Escurial, all the
world was at free quarters ; under such easy circum-
stances I did pot feel where the saddle 'galled. My bed
was in a wardrobe near the duke's chamber. One
morning that minister, having got up, according to his
cursed custom, at daybreak, made me take my writing
apparatus, and follow him into the palace gardens. We
went and sat down under an avenue of trees ; myself,
as he would have it, in the posture of a man writing on
the crown of his hat : his attitude was with a paper in
his hand, and any one would have supposed he had been
reading. At some distance, we must have looked as if
the scale of Europe was to turn upon our decision ; but,
between ourselves, who partook of it, the talk was mis-
erably trifling.
For more than an hour had I been tickling his excel-
lency's fancy with all the. conceits engendered by a
merry nature and an eccentric course of life, when two
magpies perched on the trees above us. Their clack
and clatter was so obstreperous as to force our attention,
whether we would or no. " These birds," said the duke,
GIL BLAS. 129T
" seem to be in dudgeon with one another. I should
like to learn the cause of their quarrel." " My lordy
said 1, " your curiosity reminds me of an Indian story in
Pilpay or some other fabulist." The minister insisted
on the particulars, and I related them in the following
terms :
" There reigned in Persia a good monarch, who, not
being blessed with capacities of sufficient compass to
govern his dominions in his own person, left the care of
them to his grand vizier. That minister, whose name
was Atalmuc, was possessed of firstrate talents. He
supported the weight of that unwieldy monarchy with-
out sinking under the burden. He preserved it in pro-
found peace. His art consisted in uniting the love of
the royal authority with the reverence of it ; while the
people at large looked up to the vizier as to an affection-
ate father, though a devoted servant of his prince. Atal-
muc had a young Cachemirian among his secretaries,
by name Zeangir, to whom he was particularly attach-
ed. He took pleasure in his conversation, invited him
frequently to the chase, and opened to him his most se-
cret thoughts. One day, as they were hunting together
in a wood, the vizier, at the croaking of two ravens on a
tree, said to his secretary, ( I should like te know what
those birds are talking about in their jargon.'-*-' My
lord/ answered the Cachemirian, ' your wishes may be
fulfilled. ' * Indeed ! How so V replied Atalmuc. * Be-
cause, 9 rejoined Zeangir, ' a dervis read in many mys-
teries has taught me the language of birds. If yon
wish it, I will lay my ear close to these, and will re-
peat to you, word for word, whatever they may happen
to say.'
44 The vizier agreed to the proposal. The Cache-
mirian got near the ravens, and affected to suck in their
discourse. Then, returning to his master, * My lord,'
said he, ( would you believe it ? We are ourselves the
topic of their talk.' ' Impossible !' exclaimed the Per-
sian minister. ' Prithee, now^what do they sav of us V
' One of the two,' replied the secretary, spoke thus :
( Here he is, the very man ; the Grand vizier Atalmuc,
the guardian eagle of Persia, hovering over her like the
parent bird over its nest, watching without intermission
for the safety of its brood. For the purpose of unbend-
ing from his wearisome toils, he is hunting in this wood
with his faithful Zeangir. How happy must that sec-
F3
130 OIL BLAS.
retary be, to serve so partial and indulgent a master! 5
* Fair and softly,' observed the other raven, shrewdly,
( fair and softly ! Make not too much parade about that
Cachemirian's happiness. Atalmuc, it is' true, talks and
jokes familiarly with him, honours him with his confi-
dence, and may very possibly intend to signalize his
friendship by a lucrative post ; but, between the cup and
the lip, Zeangir may perish with thirst. The poor devil
lodges in a ready-furnished apartment, where there is
not an article of furniture for his use. In a word, he
leads a starving life, with all the paraphernalia of a
plump-fed courtier. The grand vizier never troubles
his head about inquiring into the right or wrong of his
affairs ; but, satisfied with empty good wishes towards
him, leaves his favourite within the ruthless gripe of
poverty.' "
I stopped here, to see how the Duke of Lerma would
take it ; and he asked me, with a smile, what effect the
fable had produced on the mind of Atalmuc, and wheth-
er the grand vizier had not felt a little offended at this
secretary's presumption. "No, my noble lord," an-
swered I, with some little embarrassment at the ques-
tion ; " historians say that his ingenuity was amply re-
warded." " He was more lucky than discreet," replied
the duke, with a serious air; " there are some ministers
who would esteem it no joke to be lectured at that rate.
But the king will not be long before he is getting up ;
my duty demands my attendance," After this hint he
walked off, with hasty strides, towards the palace, with-
out throwing away a word more upon me, and, to all ap-
pearance, in high dudgeon at my Indian parable.
I followed him up to the very door of his majesty's
chamber, and went thence to arrange my papers in the
places whence they had been taken. Then I entered a
closet where our two copying secretaries were at work,
for they also were of the migratory party. " What is
the matter with you, Signor de Santillane 1" said they,
at the sight of me. " You are quite down in the mouth !
Has any thing untoward happened V*
I was too much mortified at the ill success of my nar-
rative, to be cautious in the expression of my grief. On
the recital of what had passed with the duke, they sym-
pathized in my disappointment. " You have some rea-
son to fret," said one of them. " Heaven grant you
may be better treated than a secretary of Cardinal Spi-
GIL BLAS. 131
nosa. This unlucky secretary, tired of working for fif-
teen months without pay, took the liberty of represent-
ing his necessities to his eminence one afternoon, and
of asking for a little money towards his subsistence.
4 It is very proper,' said the minister 1 , 'that you should
be paid. Here,' pursued he, putting into his hands an
order on the royal treasury for a thousand ducats $ " go
and receive that sum ; but take notice, at the same time,
that it balances accounts between us.' The secretary
would have pocketed his thousand ducats without re-
morse, had the thousand ducats been tangible, and the
liberty of changing services secure ; but, just as he step-
ped down from the cardinal's threshold, he was tapped
on the shoulder by an alguazil, and carried away to the
tower of Segovia, where he has been a prisoner for a
length of time."
This little historical anecdote set my teeth chattering.
All was lost and gone ! There was no comfort from
within nor from without ! My own impatience had been
my ruin ! just as if I had not borne starving, till patience
could avail no longer. "Alas!" said I, " wherefore
must I have blurted out that ill-starred fable, which
went so much against the grain of the minister 1 He
might have been just on the point of extricating me from
all my miseries ; it might have been the moment of that
tide in the affairs of men, which sets in for sudden and
enormous elevation. What wealth, what honours, have
slipped through the fingers by my blunder ! I ought to
have been aware that great folks do not love to be fore-
stalled, but require the common privileges of element-
ary subsistence to be received as favours at their hands.
It would have been more prudent to have kept my len-
ten entertainment longer without bothering, the duke
about it, and even to have died with hunger, that he
might be blamed for letting me."
Supposing any hope to have remained, my master,
when I saw him after dinner, put an extinguisher over
it at once. He was very serious with me, contrary to
his usual custom, and spoke scarcely at all ; an omen
of dire dismay for the remainder of the evening. The
night did not pass more tranquilly : the chagrin of see-
ing my agreeable illusions vanish, and the fear of swel-
ling the calendar of state prisoners, left no room but for
sighs and lamentations.
The following was the critical day. The duke sent
f 3fc OIL BLAB.
for me in the morning. I went into his chamber, with
the ague-fit of a criminal before his judge. " Santil-
lane," said he, showing me a paper in his hand, " take
this order " I shuddered at the word order, and
said within myself, " Oh heaven ! here is the Cardinal
JBpinosa over again ; the carriage is ordered out for Se-
govia." Such was my alarm at this moment, that I in-
terrupted the minister, and throwing myself at his feet,
" May it please your lordship," said I, bathed in tears,
" I most humbly beseech your excellency to forgive me
lor my boldness ; necessity alone impelled me to ac-
quaint you with my wretched circumstances."
The duke could not help laughing at my distress.
" Be comforted, Gil Bias," answered he, " and hearken
attentively. Though by betraying your necessities a
reproach lights upon me for not having prevented
them, 1 4o not take it ill, my friend. I rather ought to
be angry with myself for not having inquired how you
were going on- But, to begin making amends for my
want of attention, there is an order on the royal treas-
ury for fifteen hundred ducats, payable at sight. This
is not all ; I promise you the same sum annually ; and,
moreover, when people of rank and substance shall
solicit your interest, I have no objection to your ad-
dressing me on their behalf."
In the excess of joy occasioned by such tidings, I
kissed the feet of the minister, who, having command-
ed me to rise, continued in familiar conversation. I
endeavoured to rally my free and easy humour; but
the transition from sorrow to rapture was too instan-
taneous to be natural. I felt as comical as a culprit,
with a pardon singing in his ears, just when he was on
the point of being launched into eternity. My master
attributed all my flurry to the sole dread of having
offended him ; though the fear of perpetual imprison-
ment had its share of influence on my nerves. He
owned that he had affected to look cool, to see whether
I should be hurt at the alteration; that thereby he
formed his opinion with respect to the liveliness of my
attachment to his person, and that his own regard for
me would always be proportionate.
OIL BLA0. 18S
CHAPTER VII.
A GOOD USB MADE OP THE FIFTEEN HUNDRED DUCATS. A
FIRST INTRODUCTION TO THE TRADE OF OFFICE, AND AM
ACCOUNT OF THE PROFIT ACCRUING THEREFROM.
The king, as if on purpose to play into the bands of
my impatience, returned to Madrid the very next day.
I flew like a harpy to the royal treasury r where they
paid me down upon the nail the sum drawn for in my
order. Ambition and vanity now obtained complete
empire over my soul. My paltry lodging was fit only
for secretaries of an inferior cast, unpractised in the
mysterious language of birds ; for which reason, my
grand suite of apartments fortunately being vacant, I
engaged them for the second time. My next business
was to send for an eminent tailor, who arrayed the
pretty persons of all the fine gentlemen in town. He
took my measure, and then introduced me to a draper,
who sold me five ells of cloth, the exact quantity, as he
said, to make a suit for a man of my size. Five ells
for a light Spanish dress ! Whither did this draper and
tailor expect to go 1 But we must not be uncharitable.
Tailors who have a reputation to support require more
materials for the exercise of their genius than the vul-
gar snippers of the shopboard. I then bought some
linen, of which I was very bare ; an assortment of silk
stockings, and a laced hat.
With such an equipage, there was no doing without
a footman ; so that 1 desired Vincent Ferrero, my land-
lord, to look out for one. Most of the foreigners who
were recommended to his lodgings, on their arrival at
Madrid, were wont to hire Spanish servants ; and this
was the means of turning his house into a register*
office. The first who offered was a lad of so mortified
and devotional an aspect, that 1 would have nothing to
say to him ; he put me in mind of Ambrose de Lamela.
" I am quite out of conceit," said I to Ferrero, " with
these pious coat-brushers ; I have been taken in by
them already."
I had scarcely turned virtue in a livery out of doors,
12
134 GIL BLA8.
when another came up stairs. This seemed to be a
pood sprightly fellow, with as little mock modesty as
if he had been bred at court, and a certain something
about him which indicated that he did not carry princi-
ple to any dangerous excess. He was just to my
mind. His answers to my questions were pat and to
the purpose ; he evinced a talent for intrigue beyond
my most sanguine hopes. This was exactly the sub*
ject for my purpose ; so I fixed him at once. Neither
had I any reason to repent of my bargain ; for it was
very soon evident that further off I must have fared
worse. As the duke had allowed me to solicit on be-
half of my friends, and it was my design to push that
permission to the utmost, a stanch hound was neces-
sary to put up the game ; or, in phrase familiar to dull
capacities, an active chap, with a turn for routing out
and bringing to my market all palm-tickling petitioners
for the loaves and fishes of the prime minister. This
was just where Scipio shone most ; for my servant's
name was Scipio. He had lived last with Donna Anna
de Guevara, the Prince of Spain's nurse, where he had
ample scope for the exercise of that accomplishment.
As soon as he became acquainted with my credit at
court, and the use to which I meant to put it, he took the
field like his great ancestors, and began the campaign
without the loss of a day. " Master," said he, " a
young gentleman of Grenada is just come to Madrid ;
his name is Don Roger de Rada. He has been engaged
in an affair of honour, which compels him to throw him-
self on the Duke of Lerma's protection, and he is well
disposed to come down handsomely for any grace and
favour he may obtain. 1 have talked with him on the
subject. He had a mind to have made friends with
Don Rodrigo de Calderona, whose influence had been
represented to him in magnificent terms : but I dissua-
ded him, by pointing out that secretary's method of sel-
ling his good offices for more than their weight in gold ;
whereas, on the contrary, you would be satisfied with
any decent expression of gratitude for yours, and would
even do the business for the mere pleasure of doing
it, if you were in circumstances to follow the bent of
?our own generous and disinterested temper. In short,
talked to him in such a strain, that you will see the
gentleman early to-morrow morning."" How is aU
this, Master Scipio % n said L " You must have trans-
GIL BLAS. 135
t
acted a great deal of business in a short time. Ton are
no novice in backstairs influence. It is very strange
that you have not feathered your own nest." " That
ought not to surprise you at all," answered he. "I
love to make money circulate, not to hoard it up."
Don Roger de Rada came according to his appoint-
ment ; I received him with a mixture of courtly plausi-
bility and ministerial pride. " My worthy sir" said I,
" before I engage in your interests, I wish to know the
nature of the affair which brings you to court; because
it may be such as to preclude me from speaking to the
minister in your favour. Give me, therefore, if you
? lease, the particulars faithfully, and rest assured that
shall enter warmly into your interests, if they are
proper to be espoused by a man who moves in my
sphere." My young client promised to be sincere in
his representation, and began his narrative in the fol-
lowing words.
CHAPTER VIII.
HI8TORT OF DON ROGER DE RADA.
" Don Anastasio de Rada, a gentleman of Grenada,
was living happily in the town of Antequera, with Don-
na Estephania his wife, who united every charm of
person and mind with the most unquestionable virtue.
If her affection was lively towards her husband, his
love for her was violent beyond all bounds. He was
naturally prone to jealousy; and though wantonness
could never assume such a semblance as his wife's,
his thoughts were not quite at rest upon the subject.
He was apprehensive lest some secret enemy to his
repose might make some attempt upon his honour.
His eye was turned askance upon all his friends, ex-
cept Don Huberto de Hordales, who frequented the
house without suspicion in quality of Estephania's
cousin, and was the only man in whom he ought not to
have confided.
44 Don Huberto did actually fall in love with his
cousin, and ventured to make his sentiments known,
in contempt of consanguinity and the ties of friendship.
The lady, who was considerate, instead of making an
136 GIL BLAS.
outcry which might have led to fatal consequences, re*
proved her kinsman gently, represented to him the ex-
treme criminality of attempting to seduce her, and dis-
honour her husband, and told him very seriously that
he must not flatter himself with the most distant hope.
" This moderation only inflamed the seducer's appe-
tite the more. Taking it for granted that, as a woman
who had been accustomed to save appearances, she
only wanted to be more strongly urged, he began to
adopt little freedoms of more warmth than delicacy ;
and had the assurance one day to put the question
home to her. She repulsed him with unbridled indig-
nation, and threatened to refer the punishment of his
offence to Don Anastasio. Her suiter, alarmed at such
an intimation, promised to drop the subject ; and Este-
phania, in the candour of her soul, forgave him for the
past.
"Don Huberto, a man totally devoid of principle,
could not feel his passion to be foiled without enter-
taining a mean spirit of revenge. He knew the weak
side of Don Anastasio's temper. This was enough to
engender the blackest design that ever scoundrel plot-
ted. One evening, as he was walking alone with this
misguided husband, he said, with an air of extreme un-
easiness, 'fay dear' friend, I can no longer live without
unburdening my mind ; and yet I would be for ever
silent, but that you value honour far above a treacher-
ous repose. Your acute feelings and my own, on
points which concern domestic injuries, forbid me to
conceal what is passing in your family. Prepare to
hear what will occasion you as much grief as astonish-
ment. I am going to wound you in the tenderest part. 9
" * I know what you mean,' interrupted Don Anasta-
sio, in the first burst of agony ; ' your cousin is unfaith-
ful.' * I no longer acknowledge her for my cousin, 9
replied Hordales, with impassioned vehemence ; ' I dis-
own her, as unworthy to share my friend's embraces.'
'This is keeping me too long upon the rack,' ex-
claimed Don Anastasio ; * say on ; what has Estephania
done V * She has betrayed you,' replied Don Huberto.
You have a rival to whom she listens in private, but 1
cannot give you his name; for the adulterer, under fa-
vour of impenetrable darkness, has escaped the ken of
those who watched him. All I know is, that you are
duped : of that fact I am well assured. My own share
OIL BLAS. 137
in the disgrace is a sufficient pledge of my veracity.
Her infidelity must be palpable, indeed, when 1 turn
Estephania's accuser.
" ' It is to no purpose,' continued he, watching the
successful impression of his discourse, ' it is to no pur-
pose to discuss the subject further. I perceive your
indignation at the treacherous requital of your love,
and your thoughts all aiming at a just revenge. Take
your own course. Heed not in what relation to you
your victim may stand; but convince the whole city
that there is no earthly being whom you would not
sacrifice to your honour.'
" Thus did the traitor exasperate a too credulous hus-
band against an innocent wife ; depicting in such glow-
ing colours the infamy in which he would be plunged, if
he left the insult unpunished, as to heighten his anger
into madness. Behold Don Anastasio, with his mind
completely overturned, as if goaded by the furies. He
returned homewards with the frantic design of murder-
ing his ill-fated wife. She was just going to bed when
he came in. He kept his passion under for a time, and
waited till the attendants had withdrawn. Then, unre-
strained by the fear of vengeance from above, by the
vulgar scorn which must recoil upon an honourable fam-
ily, by natural affection for his unborn child, since his
wife was near her time, he approached his victim, and
said to her, in a furious tone of voice, ' Now is your
hour to die, wretch as you are ! One moment only is
your own, which my relenting pity leaves you to make
your peace with heaven. I would not that your soul
should perish eternally, though your earthly honour is
for ever lost.'
"At these words he drew his dagger. Estephania,
just speechless with terror, throwing herself at his feet,
besought him, with uplifted hands and inarticulate agony,
to tell her why he raised his arm against her life. If
he suspected her fidelity, she called heaven to attest her
innocence.
"'In vain, in vain,' replied the infuriated murderer;
'your treason is but too well proved. My information
is not to be discredited : Don Huberto ' ' Ah !
my lord,' interrupted she with eager haste, * you must
hold your trust aloof from Don Huberto. He is less
your friend than you imagine. If he has said aught
against my virtue, believe him not!' ' Restrain that in*
12*
188 OIL BIAS.
famous tongue,' replied Don Anastasio. ' By appealing
against Hordales, you condemn yourself. You would
ruin your relation in my esteem, because he is ac-
quainted with your misconduct. You would invalidate
his evidence against you ; but the artifice is palpable,
and only whets my appetite for vengeance.' * My dear
husband,' rejoined the innocent Estephania, while her
tears flowed in torrents, 4 beware of this blind rage. If
you follow its instigation, you will perpetrate a deed for
which you will hate yourself, when convinced of its in-
justice. In the name of heaven, compose your disor-
dered spirits. At least give me time to clear up your
suspicions ; you will then deal candidly by a wife who
has nothing to reproach herself with.'
" Any other man but Don Anastasio would have been
touched by her pleadings, and still more by her agonizing
affliction ; but the barbarian, far from being softened,
ordered the lady once again to recommend herself brief-
ly to mercy, and lifted his arm to strike the blow.
4 Hold, inhuman as you are !' cried she. 4 If your love
for me is as if it had never been, if my lavish fondness
in return is all blotted from your memory, if my tears
have no eloquence to disarm your hellish purpose, have
some pity on your own blood. Launch not your frantic
hand against an innocent, who has not yet breathed this
vital air. You cannot be its executioner, without the
curse of heaven and earth. As for myself, I can forgive
my murderer ; but the butcher of his own child, think
deeply of it, must pay the dreadful forfeit of so detesta-
ble a deed.'
44 Determined as Don Anastasio was to pay no atten-
tion to any thing Estephania could say, he could not
help being affected by the frightful images these last
words presented to his soul. Wherefore, as if appre-
hensive lest nature should play the traitress to revenge,
he hastened to make sure of his staggering resolves, and
plunged his dagger into her bosom. She fell motionless
on the ground. He thought her dead ; and on that sup-
position left his house immediately, to be no more seen
at Antequera.
44 In the meantime, the unhappy victim of groundless
suspicion was so stunned with the blow she had receiv-
ed, as to remain for a short interval on the ground with-
out any signs of life. Afterward, coming to herself, she
brought an old female servant to her assistance by her
fetL BLAt. 138
Elaints and lamentations. That good old woman, be-
dding her mistress in so deplorable a state, waked the
whole household, and even the neighbourhood, by her
cries. The room was soon filled with spectators. Sur-
gical assistance was sent for. The wound was probed,
and pronounced not to be mortal. Their opinion turned
out to be correct ; for Estephania soon recovered, and
was in due time delivered of a son, notwithstanding the
cruel circumstances in which she had been placed.
That son, Signor Gil Bias, you behold in me: I am the
fruit of that dreadful pregnancy.
** Women, when chaste as ice, when pure as snow,
seldom escape calumny: this plague, however, though
virtue's dowry, did not alight upon my mother. The
bloody scene passed in common fame for the transport
of a jealous husband. My father, it is true, bore the
character of a passionate man, prone to kindle into fury
on the slightest occasion. Hordales could not but sup-
pose that his kinswoman must suspect him of having
sown wild fancies in the mind of Don Anastasio ; so
that he satisfied himself with this imperfect relish of re-
venge, and cowed to importune her. But, not to be te-
dious, I shall pass over the detail of my education.
Suffice k to say, that my principal exercise was fencing,
which I practised regularly in the most famous schools
of Grenada and Seville. My mother waited with impa-
tience till I was of age to measure swords with Don
Hnberto, that she might instruct me in the grounds of
her complaint against him. In my eighteenth year she
submitted her cause to my arbitrament, not without
floods of tears, and every symptom of the deepest an-
guish. What must not a son feel, if he has the spirit
and the heart of a son, at the sight of a mother in such
distressing circumstances ? I went immediately and call-
ed out Hordales ; our place of meeting was private as it
should be ; we fought long and furiously ; three of my
thrusts took place, and I threw him to the ground, like
a dead dog despised.
44 Don Hnberto, feeling his wound to be mortal, fixed
his last looks upon me, and declared that he met his
death at my hands as a just punishment for his treason
against my mother's honour. He owned that, in revenge
for the pangs of despised love, he had resolved on her
ruin. Thus did he breathe his last, imploring pardon
from heaven, from Don Anastasio, from Estephania, and
14Q GIL BLAS -
from myself. I deemed it imprudent to return home
and acquaint my mother of the issue : fame was sure to
perform that office for me. I passed the mountains, and
repaired to Malaga, where I embarked on board a pri-
yateer. My outside not altogether indicating coward-
ice, the captain consented at once to enrol me among his
crew. -*
"We were not long before we went into action.
Near the Island of Alboutan, a corsair of Millila fell in
with us, on his return towards the African coast, with
a Spanish vessel richly laden, taken off Carthagena.
We attacked the African briskly, and made ourselves
masters of both ships, with eighty Christians on board,
going as slaves to Barbary. Afterward, availing our-
selves of a wind direct for the coast of Grenada, we
shortly arrived at Punta de Helena,
" While we were inquiring into the birthplace and
condition of our rescued captives, a man about fifty, of
prepossessing aspect, fell under my examination. He
stated himself, with a sigh, to belong to Antequera. My
heart palpitated, without my knowing why; and my
emotion, too strong to pass unnoticed, excited a visible
sympathy in him. I avowed myself his townsman, and
asked his family name. ' Alas !' answered he, * your
curiosity makes my sorrows flow afresh. Eighteen
years ago did I leave my home, where my remembrance
is coupled with scenes of blood and horror. You must
yourself have heard but too much of my story. My
name is J)on Anastasio de Rada.' * Merciful heaven V
exclaimed I, * may I believe my senses ? And can this
be? Don Anastasio? Father !' ' What is it you say,
young man? 9 exclaimed he, in his turn, with surprise
and agitation equal to my own. * Are you that ill-fated
infant, still in its mother's womb when 1 sacrificed her
to my fury ?' ' Yes,' said I ; 4 none other did the vir-
tuous Estephania bring into the world, after the fatal
night when you left her weltering in her own blood !'
"Don Anastasio stifled my words in his embraces.
For a quarter of an hour we could only mingle our in-
articulate sighs and exclamations. After exhausting
our tender recollections, and indulging in the wild ex-
Eression of our feelings, my father lifted his eyes to
eaven, in gratitude for Estephania saved ; but the next
moment, as if doubtful of his bliss, he demanded by what
gyidence his wife's innocence haa* been cleared, Sir,'
OIL BLAS. 141
answered 1, 'none but yourself ever doubted it. Her
conduct had been uniformly spotless. You must be un-
deceived. Know that Don Huberto was a traitor.' In
proof of this I unfolded all his perfidy, the vengeance I
had taken, and his own confession before he had ex-
pired.
44 My father was less delighted at his liberty restored
than at these happy tidings. In the forgetfulness of ec-
stasy, he repeated all his former transports. His ap-
probation of me was ardent and entire. * Come, my
son, 9 said he, * let us set out for Antequera. I burn with
impatience to throw myself at the feet of a wife whom
I have treated so unworthily. Since you have brought
me acquainted with my own injustice, my heart has been
torn by remorse.'
" I was too eager to bring together a couple so near
and dear to me, not to expedite our journey as much as
possible. 1 quitted the privateer, and with my share of
prize-money bought two mules at Adra, my father not
choosing again to incur the hazard of a voyage. He
found leisure on the road to relate his adventures, which
I inclined to hear as seriously as did the Prince of Itha-
ca the various recitals of the king his father. At length,
alter several days, we halted at the foot of a mountain
near Antequera. Wishing to reach home privately, we
went not into the town till midnight.
44 You may guess my mothers astonishment at be-
holding a husband whom she had thought for ever lost ;
and the almost miraculous circumstances of his restora-
tion were a second source of wonder. He entreated
forgiveness for his barbarity, with marks of repentance
so lively, that she could not but be moved. Instead of
looking on him as a murderer, she only saw the man to
whose will high heaven had subjected her ; such religion
is there in the name of husband to a virtuous wife ! Este-
phania had been so alarmed about me, that my return
filled her with rapture. But her joy on this account was
not without alleviation. A sister of Hordales had insti-
tuted a criminal prosecution against her brother's antag-
onist The search for me was hot, so that my mother,
considering home as insecure, was painfully anxious
about me. It was therefore necessary to set out that
very night for court, whither I come to solicit my par-
don, and hope to obtain it by your generous intercession
with the prime minister."
142 GIL BLA8,
The gallant son of Don Anastasio thus closed his nar-
rative; after which 1 observed, with a self-sufficient
physiognomy, " It is well, Signor Don Roger : the of-
fence seems to me to be venial. I will undertake to lay
the case before his excellency, and may venture to prom-
ise you his protection." The thanks my client lavished
would have passed in at one ear and out at the other,
if they had not been backed by assurances of more sub-
stantial gratitude. But when once that string was
touched, every nerve and fibre of my frame vibrated in
unison. On the very same day did I relate the whole
story to the duke, who allowed me to present the gen-
tleman, and addressed him thus : " Don Roger, I have
been informed of the duel which has brought you to
court ; Santillane has laid all the particulars before me.
Make yourself perfectly easy : you have done nothing
but what the circumstances of the case might almost
warrant ; and it is especially on the ground of wounded
honour that his majesty is best pleased to extend his
grace and favour. You must be committed for mere
form's sake ; but, you may depend on it, your confine-
ment shall be of short duration. In Santillane you have
a zealous friend, who will watch over your interests,
and hasten your release."
Don Roger paid his respectful acknowledgments to
the minister, on whose pledge he went and surrendered
. himself. His pardon was soon made out, owing to my
activity. In less than ten days I sent this modern Te-
lemachus home, to say " how do you do" to his Ulysses
and Penelope. Had he stood upon the merits of his
case without protector, he might have whined out a
year's imprisonment, and scarcely have got off at last.
My commission was but a poor hundred pistoles. It
was no very magnificent haul, but I was not as yet a
Calderona, to turn up my nose at the small fry.
OIL BLAB. 143
CHAPTER IX.
OIL BLAB MAKES A LARGE FORTUNE IN A SHORT TIME, AND
BEHAVES LIKE OTHER WEALTHY UPSTARTS.
This affair gave me a relish for my trade ; and ten
pistoles to Scipio by way of brokerage, whetted his
eagerness to start more game of the same sort. I have
already done justice to his talents that way ; he might
as modestly have appended "the great" to the tail of
his name, as the most noted scoundrel of antiquity*
The second customer he brought me was a printer, who
manufactured books of chivalry, and had made his for-
tune by waging war against common sense. This print-
er had pirated a work belonging to a brother printer,
and his edition had been seized. For three hundred
ducats I rescued his copies out of jeopardy, and saved
him from a heavy fine. Though this was a transaction
beneath the prime minister's notice, his excellency con-
descended, at my request, to interpose his authority.
After the printer, a merchant passed through my hands ;
the occasion was thus : A Portuguese vessel had been
taken by a Barbary corsair, and retaken by a privateer
from Cadiz. Two thirds of the cargo belonged to a
merchant at Lisbon, who, having claimed his due to no
purpose, came to the court of Spain in search of a pro-
tector, with sufficient credit to procure him restitution.
I took up his cause, and he recovered his property, de-
ducting the sum of four hundred pistoles, paid to me in
consideration of my disinterested zeal for justice.
And now most surely the reader will call out to me at
this place, " Well said, good Master Santillane ! Make
hay while the sun shines. You are on the high road to
fortune ; push forward, and outstrip your rivals." Oh !
let me alone for that. I spy, or my eyes deceive me,
my servant coming in with a new gull that he has just
caught: Even so ! It is my very Scipio. Let us hear
what he has to say. " Sir, 9 ' quoth he, " give me leave
to introduce this eminent practitioner. He wants a
license to sell his drugs, during the term of ten years, in
all the towns of the Spanish monarchy, to the exclusion
144 OIL BLA8.
of all other quacks ; in short, a monopoly of poisons.
In gratitude for this patent to thin mankind, he will
present the donor with a gratuity of two hundred pis-
toles." I looked superciliously, like a patron, at the
mountebank, and told him that his business should be
done. As lameness and leprosy would have it, in the
course of a few days 1 sent him on his progress through
Spam, invested with full powers to make the world his
oyster, and leave nothing but the shell to his unpatented
competitors.
Besides that my avarice outran my accumulating
wealth, 1 had obtained the four boons just specified so
easily from his grace, as not to be mealy-mouthed
about asking for a fifth. The town of Vera, on the coast
of Grenada, wanted a governor; and a knight of Cal-
atrava wanted the government, for which he was wil-
ling to pay me one thousand pistoles. The minister
was ready to burst with laughing, to see me so eager
after the scut. "By all the powess! my friend Gil
Bias, you go to work tooth and nail ! You have a most
inveterate itch to do as you would be done by. But
mark me ! When mere trifles stand between us, I shall
not stand upon trifles ; but, when governments or other
places of real value are in question, you will have the
modesty to be content with half the fee for yourself, and
will account to me for the other half. It is inconceiva-
ble at what expense I stand, and how it presses on
my finances to support the dignity of my station : for
though disinterestedness looks vastly well in the eyes
of the world, you are to understand, between ourselves,
that I have made a solemn vow against dipping into
my private fortune. On this hint arrange your future
plans."
My master, by this discourse, relieving me from the
fear of being troublesome, or rather egging me on to
run at the ring for every prize, made me- still more
worldly-minded than ever I had been before. I should
not have objected to circulating handbills, with an in-
vitation to all candidates for places, to apply on certain,
terms at the secretary's office. My functions were
here, Scipio's were there; and we met at the receipt
of custom. My client got the government of Vera for
his thousand pistoles; and, as our price was fixed, a
knight of St. James met his brother of Calatrava in the
market on an equal footing. But mere governors were
GIL SLAS* 145
paltry fish to fry ; I distributed orders of knighthood*
and converted some good stupid burgesses into most
insufferable gentry by one stroke of the pen, and a lacing
across the shoulders with a broadsword. The clergy,
too, were not forgotten in my charities. Lesser pre*
ferments were in my gift ; every thing up to prebendal
stalls and collegiate dignities. With regard to bishop-
rics, Don Rodrigo de Calderona had the charge of our
holy religion. As church and state must always go to-
gether, supreme magistracies, commanderies, and vice*
royalties were all in his gift ; whence the reader will
naturally infer, that the upper offices were little better
tenanted than the lower ones; since the subjects on
whom our election fell, establishing their pretensions
on a certain palpable criterion, were not necessarily
and unavoidably either the cleverest or the best princi-
pled people in the world. We knew very well that the
wits and lampooners of Madrid made themselves merry
at our expense ; but we borrowed our philosophy from
misers, who hug themselves under the hootings of the
people when they count over the accumulation of their
pelf.
Isocrates was in the right to insinuate, in his elegant
Greek expression, that what is got over the devil's back
is spent under his belly. When I saw myself master
of thirty thousand ducats, and in a fair way to gain per-
haps ten times as much, it seemed to be a necessary of
office to make such a figure as became the right-hand
of a prime minister. 1 took a house to myself, and fur-
nished it in the immediate taste. I bought an attorney's
carriage at secondhand ; he had set it up at the sugges-
tion of vanity, and laid it down at the suggestion of his
baker. I hired a coachman and three footmen. Justice
demands that old and faithful servants should be pro-
moted ; I therefore invested Scipio with the threefold
honour of valet de chambre, private secretary, and stew-
ard. But the minister raised my pride to its highest
Eitch, for he was pleased to allow my people to wear
is livery. My poor little wits were now completely
turned. I was little more in my senses than the disci'
Sles of Porcius Latro, who, by dint of drinking cummin,
aving made themselves as pale as their master, thought
themselves every whit as learned ; so I could scarcely
refrain from fancying myself next of kin and presump-
tive heir to the Duke of Lerma himself. The populace
Vol. II. Q 13
146 Oil, BLAS\
might take me for his cousin, and people who knew
better for one of his bastards; a suspicion most flat-
tering to my pride of blood.
Add to this, that after the example of his excellency,
who kept a public table, 1 determined to give parties of
myown. Pursuant thereunto I commissioned Scipio
to find me out a professed cook; and he stumbled
upon one who might hare dished up a dinner for No-
mentanus, of dripping-pan notoriety. My cellar was
well stored with the choicest wines. My establish-
ment being now complete, 1 gave my house-warming.
Every evening some of the clerks in the public offices
came to sup with me, and affected a sort of political
high life below stairs. I did the honours hospitably,
and always sent them home half seas over* Like mas-
ter like man ! Scipio, too, had his parties in the servants 9
hall, where he treated all his chums at my expense.
But besides that I felt a real kindness for that lad, he
contributed to grease the wheels of my establishment,
and was entitled to have a finger in the dissipation. As
a young man, some little license was allowable ; and
the ruinous consequences did not strike me at the time.
Another reason, too, prevented me from taking notice of
it : incessant vacancies, ecclesiastical and secular, paid
me amply in meal and in malt. My surplus was increas-
ing every day. Fortune's curricle seemed to have
dnven to my door, there to have broken down, and the
driver to have taken shelter with me.
One thing more was wanting to my complete intoxi-
cation; that Fabricio might be witness to my pomp.
He was most probably come back from Andalusia.
For the fun of surprising him, I sent an anonymous
note, importing that a Sicilian nobjeman of his acquaint-
ance would be glad of his company to supper ; with the
day, hour, and place of appointment, which was at my
house. Nunez came, and was most inordinately as-
tonished to recognise me in the Sicilian nobleman.
" Yes, my friend," said I, " behold the^ master of this
family. .1 have a retinue, a good table, and a strong-
box besides." ''Is it possible," exclaimed he, with
vivacity, " that all this opulence should be yours ? It is
well done in me to have placed you with Count Gali-
ano. I told you beforehand that he was a generous
nobleman, and would not be long before he set you at
your ease. Of course you followed my wise advice, in
GIL BLAS. 147
giving the rein a little more freely to your fellow-
servants; you find the -benefit of it. It is only by a lit-
tle mutual accommodation that the principal officers in
great houses feather their nests so comfortably."
I suffered Fabricid to go on as long as he liked com-
plimenting himself for having introduced me to Count
Galiano. When he had done, to chastise his ecstasies
at having procured me so good a post, 1 stated at full
length the returns of gratitude with which that noble-
man had recompensed my services. But, perceiving
how ready my poet was to string his Jyre to satire at
my recital, I said to him, " The Sicilian's contemptible
conduct I readily forgive. Between ourselves, it is
more a subject of congratulation -than regret. If Abe
count had dealt honourably by me, I should have fol-
lowed him into Sicily, where I should still be in a
subordinate capacity, wailing for dead men's shoes.
In a word, I should not now have been hand in glove
with the Duke of Lerma."
Nunez felt so strange a sensation at these last words,
that he was tongue-tied for some seconds. Then gulp-
ing up his stammering accents like a harlequin, " Did I
hear aright V said he. " What ! you hand in glove with
the prime minister ?" " I on one side, and Don Bodrigo
de Calderona on the other," answered I ; " and, according
to all appearance, my fortunes will move higher."
" Truly, replied he, " this is admirable. .You are cut
out for every occasion. What a universal genius!
To borrow an expression from the tennis-court, ' you
have a racket for every hall ;' nothing comes amiss to
you. At all events, my lord, Lam sincerely rejoiced at
your lordship's prosperity." " The deuse and all, Mas-
ter Nunez !" interrupted I ; " good now, dispense with
your lords and lordships. Let us banish such formali-
ties, and live on equal terms together.' 1 " You are in
the right," replied he: "altered circumstances should
not make strange faces. I will own my weakness;
when you announced ypur elevation, you took away
my breath ; but the chill and shudder are over, and I
see only my old friend Gil Bias."
Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of
four or five clerks. " Gentlemen," said 1, introducing
Nunez, " you are to sup with Signor Don Fabricio, who
writes verses of impenetrable sublimity, and such prose
9 would not know itself in the glass." Unluckily, I
G?
148 GIL BLAS.
was talking to gentry who would have had more fellow-
feeling with an oran-outang than with a poet. They
scarcely condescended to look at him. In vain did he
pun, parody, rally, or rail to hit their fancies ; for they
had none. He was so nettled at their indifference, that
he assumed the poetic license, and made his escape.
Our clerks never missed him, but forgot at once that he
had been there.
Just as I was going out the next morning, the poet
of the Asturias came into my room. " I beg pardon,"
said he, " for having cut your clerks so abruptly last
night : but, to deal freely, I was so much out of my ele-
ment that I should soon have played old chaos with
them. Proud puppies, with their starch and self-im-
portant air! I cannot conceive how a clever fellow
like you can sit it out with such loutish guests. To-day
I will bring you some of more life and spirit." "I shall
be very much obliged to you," answered I ; ** your in-
troduction is sufficient." "Exactly so,* 1 replied he.
" You shall have the feast of reason and the flow of
soul. I will go forthwith and invite them, for fear they
should engage themselves elsewhere ; for happy man be
his dole who can get them to dinner or supper ; they
are such excellent company !"
Away went he ; and in the evening, at supper-time,
returned with six authors in his train, whom % he pre-
sented one after another with a set speech in their
praise. According to his account, the wits of Greece
and Italy were nothing in comparison of these, whose
works ought to be printed in letters of gold. 1 received
this deputation from the tuneful sisters very politely.
My behaviour was even in the extravagance of good-
breeding, for the .republic of authors is a little monar-
chical in Its demands upon our flattery. Though I had
given Scipio no express direction respecting the number
of covers at this entertainment, yet, knowing what a
hungry and voluptuous race were to be crammed, he
had mustered the courses in more than their full com-
plement.
At length supper was announced, and we fell to mer-
rily. My poets began talking of their poems and them-
selves. One fellow, with the most lyrical assurance,
numbered up whole hosts of firstrate nobility and high-
flying dames, who were quite enraptured with his muse.
Another, though it was not for him to arraign the choice
ttIL BIAS* 149
wliich a learned society had lately made of two new
members, could not help saying that it was strange they
should not have elected him. All the rest were much
an the same story. Amid the clatter of knives and
forks, my ears were more discordantly dinned with
verses and harangues. They each took it by turns to
give me a specimen of their Composition. One lan-
guishes out a sonnet; another mouths a scene in a
tragedy ; and a third reads a melancholy criticism on
the province of comedy. The next in turn spouts an
ode of Anacreon, translated into most un-anacreontic
Spanish verse. One of his brethren interrupts him, to
point out the unclassical use of a particular phrase.
The author of the version by no means acquiesces in
the remark : hence arises an argument, in which all the
literati take one side or the other* Opinions are nearly
balanced ; the disputants are nearly in a passion ; as
argument weakens, invective grows stronger; they
get from bad to worse; over goes the table, and up
jump they to fisticuffs. Fabricio, Scipio, my coach-
man, my footman, and myself, have scarcely longs or
strength to bring them to their senses. The moment
the battle was over, off scampered they as if my house
had been a tavern, without the slightest apology for
their ill behaviour.
Nunez, on whose word 1 had anticipated a very pleas-
ant party, looked rather blue at this conclusion.
" Well, my friend," said I, " what do you think of your
literary acquaintance now? As sure as Apollo is in
Parnassus, you brought me a most blackguard set. I
will stick to my clerks, so talk no more to me about
authors." " I shall take care," answered he, " not to
invite any of them to a gentleman's house again ; for
these are the most select and well-mannered of the
tribe."
13*
150 OIL BLA9.
CHAPTER X.
THE MORALS OF GIL BLAB BECOME, AT COURT, MUCH A8 Of
THEY HAD NEVER BEEN AT ALL. A COMMISSION FROM
THE COUNT DE LEMOS, WHICH, LIKE MOST COURT COM-
MISSIONS, IMPLIES AN INTRIGUE.
When once my name was up for a man after the
Duke of Lerma's own heart, I had very soon my court
about me. Every morning was my antechamber crowded
with company, and my levees were all the fashion.
Two sorts of customers came to my shop : one set, to
engage my interposition with the minister, on fair com-
mercial principles ; the other set, to excite my compas-
sion by pathetic statements of their cases, and give me
a lift to heaven on the packhorse of charity. The first
were sure of being heard patiently, and served dili-
gently ; with regard to the second order, I got rid of
them at once by plausible evasions, or kept them
dangling till they wore their patience threadbare, and
went off in a huff. Before I was about the court, my
nature was compassionate and charitable ; but tender-
ness of heart is an unfashionable frailty there, and mine
became harder than any flint. Here was an admirable
school to correct the romantic sensibilities of friend-
ship ; nor was my philosophy any longer assailable in
that quarter. My manner of dealing with Joseph Na-
varro, under the following circumstances, will prove
more than volumes on that head.
This Navarro, the founder of my fortune, to whom
my obligations were thick and threefold, paid me a visit
one day. With the warmest expressions of regard, such
as he was in the habit of lavishing, he begged me to ask
the Duke of Lerma for a certain situation for one of his
friends, a young man of excellent qualities and undoubted
merit, but encumbered with an inability of getting on in
the world. " I am well assured," added Joseph, ( that
with your good fed obliging disposition, you will be en-
raptured to confer a favour on a worthy man with a very
slender purse ; I am sure you will feel obliged to me for
OIL BLAft. 151
giving you an opportunity of carrying your benevolent
inclinations into effect." This was just as good as tel-
ling me, that the business was to be done for nothing.
Though such doctrine was not quite level to flay ca-
pacity, I still affected a wish to do as he desired. " It
gives me infinite pleasure, 9 ' answered I to Navarro, " to
nave it in my power to evince my lively sense of all
your former kindness to me. It is enough for you to
take any man living by the hand : from that moment he
becomes the object of my unwearied care. Your friend
shall have the situation you want for him ; nay, he has
it already : it is no longer any concern of yours ; leave
it entirely to me."
On this assurance Joseph went away in high glee ;
nevertheless, the person he recommended had not the
post in question. It was given to. another man, and my
strong-box was the stronger by a thousand ducats. This
sum was infinitely preferable to all the thanks in the
world ; so that I looked pitifully blank when next we
met, saying, " Ah ! my dear Navarro, you should have
thought of speaking to me sooner. That Calderona got
the start of me ; he has given away a certain thing that
shall be nameless. I am vexed to the soul not to meet
you with better tidings."
Joseph was fool enough to give me credit, and we
parted better friends than ever ; but I suspect that he
soon found out the truth ; for he never came near me
again. This was just what I wanted. Besides that the
memory of benefits received grated harshly, it would
not have been at all the thing for a person in my then
sphere to keep company with a certain description of
people.
. The Count de Lemos has been long in the back-
ground ; let us bring him a little forwarder on the can-
vass. We met occasionally. I had carried him a thou-
sand pistoles, as the reader will recollect; and I now
carried him a thousand more, by order of his uncle the
duke, out of his excellency's funds lying in my hands.
On this occasion the Count de Lemos honoured me with
a long conference. He informed me that at length he
had completely gained his end, and was in unrivalled
possession of the Prince of Spain's good graces, whose
sole confidant he was. His next coifeern'was to invest
me with a right honourable commission, of which he
had already given me a hint. " Friend Santillane," said
15B OIL BLA8.
he, "now is the time to strike while the iron is hot.
Spare no pains to find out some young beauty worthy
to while away the prince's amorous hours. You have
your wits about you, and a word to the wise is suffi-
cient. Go; run about the town; pry into every hole
and corner; and when you have pounced upon any
thing likely to suit, you will come and let me know."
1 promised the count to leave no stone unturned in the
due discharge of my employment, which seemed to re-
quire no great force of genius, since the professors of
the science are so numerous.
I had not hitherto been much practised in such deli-
cate investigations ; but it was more than probable that
Scipio had, and that his talent lay peculiarly that way.
On my return home 1 called him in, and spoke thus to
him in private : " My good fellow, I have a very im-
portant secret to impart. Do you know that, in the
midst of fortune's favours, there is something still
wanting to crown all my wishes?" "I can easily
guess what that is," interrupted he, without giving me
time to finish what I was going to say : " You want a
snug bit of contraband amusement, to keep you awake
of evenings, and rub off the rust of business. And, in
fact, it is a marvellous thing that you should have
played the Joseph in the heyday of your blood, when
so many graybeards around you are playing the elder."
*' I admire the quickness of your apprehension," re-
plied I, with a smile. " Yes, my friend, a mistress is
that something still wanting, and you shall choose for
me. But I forewarn you that I am nice-hungry ; and
must have a pretty person, with more than passable
manners." ** The sort of thing that you require," re-
turned Scipio, "is not always to be met with in the
market Yet, as luck will have it, we are in a town
where every thing is to be got for money ; and I am in
hopes your commission will not hang long on hand."
Accordingly, within three days, he pulled me by the
sleeve; " I have discovered a treasure ! A young lady
whose name is Catalina, of good family and matchless
beauty, living with her aunt in a small house, where
they make both ends meet by clubbing their little mat-
ters, and set the slanderous world at defiance. Their
waiting-maid, a girl of my acquaintance, has given me to
understand that their door, though barred against all im-
pertinent intruders, would turn upon its hinges to a rich
GIL BLAS. 153
and generous suiter, if he would only consent, for fear
of prying neighbours, not to pay his visits till after night-
fall, and then in the most private manner possible.
Hereupon I magnified you as the properest gentleman
in the world, and entreated piety in pattens to offer
your humble services to the ladies. She promised to
do so, and. to bring me back my answer to-morrow
morning at an appointed place." " That is all very
well," answered I ; " but I am afraid your goddess of bed-
making has been running her rig upon you." " No,
no," replied he, " old birds are not to be caught with
chaff: I have already made inquiry in the neighbour-
hood, and, by the general report of her, Signora Catali-
na is a second Danae, on whom you will have the hap-
piness of coming down,
" * Like Jove descending from his tower,, ,
To court her in a silver shower.' "
Out of conceit as I was with the intrinsic value of la-
dies' favours, this was not to be scoffed at ; and as our
Mercury in petticoats came the next day to tell Scipio
that it only depended on me to be introduced that very
evening, I dropped in between eleven and twelve o'clock.
The knowing one received me without bringing a can*
die, and led me by the hand into a very neat apartment,
where the two ladies were sitting on a satin sofa, dres-
sed in the most elegant taste. As soon as they saw me
enter, they got up and welcomed me in a style of such
superior breeding as would not have disgraced the high-
est rank. The aunt, whose name was Signora Mencia,
though with the remains of beauty, had no attractions
for me. But the niece had a million, for she was a god-
dess in mortal form. And yet, to examine her critically,
she could not have been admitted for a perfect beauty ;
but then there was a charm above all rules of sym-
metry, with a tingling and luxurious warmth about her,
that seized on men's hearts through their eyes, and pre-
vented their brains from being too busy.
Neither were my senses proof against so dazzling a
display. I forgot my errand as proxy, and spoke on my
own private individual account with the enthusiasm of
a raw recruit in the tender passion. The dear little
creature, whose wit sounded in my ears with three
times its actual acuteness, under favour of her natural
endowments, made a complete conquest of me by her
G3
154 OIL BLA8.
prattle. I began to launch oat into foolish raptures,
when the aunt, to bring me to my bearings, led the con-
versation to the point in hand : " Signor de Santillane, I
shall deal very explicitly with you. On the high enco-
miums I have heard of your character, you have been
admitted here without the affectation of making much
ado about trifles : but do not imagine that your views are
the nearer their termination for that. Hitherto I have
brought my niece up in retirement, and you are, as it
were, the very first male creature on whom she has ever
set eyes. If you deem her worthy of being your wife,
1 shall feel myself highly honoured by the alliance : it
is for you to consider whether those terms suit you ; but
you cannot have her on cheaper."
This was proceeding to business with a vengeance !
It put little Cupid to flight at once, or else he was just
going to try one of his sharpest arrows upon me. But a
truce with the Pantheon ! A marriage so bluntly pro-
posed dispelled the fairy vision : 1 sunk back at once
into the count's plodding agent; and, changing my tone,
answered Signora Mencia thus : " Madam, your frank-
ness delights me, and I will meet it half way. What-
ever rank I may hold at court, lower than the highest is
too low for the peerless Catalina. A far more brilliant
offer waits her acceptance ; the Prince of Spain shall
be thrown into her toils."" Surely it was enough to
have refused my niece," replied the aunt, sarcastically ;
" such compliments are sufficiently impleading to our
sex; it could not be necessary to make us your unfeel-
ing sport."" I really am not in so merry a mood, mad-
am !" exclaimed I : " it is a plain matter of fact ; I am
commissioned to look out for a young lady of merit suf-
ficient to engage the prince's heart, and receive his pri-
vate visits ; the object of my search is in your house,
and here his royal highness shall fix his quarters. 9 '
Signora Mencia could scarcely believe her ears ; nei-
ther were they grievously offended. Nevertheless, think-
ing indecent to be startled at the immorality of the pro-
ceeding, she replied to the following effect : " Though I
should give implicit credit to what you tell me, you must
understand that I am not of a character to take pleasure
in the infamous distinction of seeing my niece a prince's
concubine. Every feeling of virtue and of honour re-
volts at the idea."" What a simpleton you are with
four virtue and honour !" interrupted I. " You have not
. GIL BLAS. .155
a notion above the level of a tradesman's wife. Was
there ever any thing so stupid as to consider affairs of
this kind with a view to their moral tendency ? It is
stripping them of all their beauty and excellence. In
the magic lantern of plenty, pleasure, and preferment,
they appear with all their brightest gloss. Figure to
yourself the heir to the monarchy at the happy Catali-
na's feet ; fancy him all rapture and lavish bounty ; nor
doubt but that from her shall spring a hero who shall
immortalize his mother's name, by enrolling his own in
the imperishable records of eternal fame."
Though the aunt desired no better sport than to take
me at my word, she affected not to know what she had
best do ; and Catalina, who longed to have, a grapple
with the Prince of Spain, affected not to care about the
matter ; which made it necessary for me to press the
siege closer; till at length Signora Mencia, finding me
chopfallen and ready to withdraw my forces, sounded a
parley, and agreed to a convention, containing the two
following articles. Imprimis, if the Prince of Spain, on
the fame of Catalina's charms, should take fire, and de-
termine to pay her a nightly visit, it should be my care
to let the ladies know when they might expect him. Se-
eundo, that the prince should be introduced ta the said
ladies as a private gentleman, accompanied only by my-
self and his principal purveyor.
After this capitulation, the aunt and niece were upon
the best terms possible with me ; they behaved as if we
had known one another from our cradles ; on the strength
of which I ventured on some little familiarities, which
were not taken at all unkindly ; and when we parted
they embraced me of their own accord, and slabber-
ed me over with inexpressible fondness. It is marvel-
lous to think with what facility a tender connexion is
formed between persons in the same line of trade, but
of opposite sexes. It might have been suspected by an
eyewitness of my departure, in all the plenitude of
warm and repeated salutation, that my visit had been
more successful than it was.
The Count de Lemos was highly delighted when I an-
nounced the long-expected discovery. I spoke of Cata-
lina in terms which made him long to see her. The
following night 1 took him to her house, and he owned
that I had beat the bush tQ some purpose. He told the
ladies he had no doubt but the Prince of Spain would be
156 GIL BIAS.
t
fully satisfied with my choice of a mistress, who, on her
part, would have reason to be well pleased with such a
lover ; that the young prince was generous, good-tem-
pered, and amiable ; in short, he promised in a few days
to bring him in the mode they enjoined, without reti-
nue, or publicity. That nobleman then took leave of
them, and I withdrew with him. We got into his car-
riage, in which we had both driven thither, and which
was waiting at the end of the street. He set me down
at my own door, with a special charge* to inform his
uncle next day of this new game started, not forgetting
to impress strongly how conducive a good bag of pis-
toles would be to the successful accomplishment of the
adventure.
I did not fail, on the following morning, to go and give
the Duke of Lerma an exact account of all that had
passed. There was but one thing to be kept back. I
did not mention Scipio's name, but took credit to my-
self for the discovery of Catalina. One makes a merit
of any dirty work in the service of the great.
Abundant were the compliments paid me on this oc-
casion. " My good friend Oil Bias," said the minister,
with a bantering air, " I am delighted that, with all your
talents, you have that besides of discovering kind-heart-
ed beauties ; whenever I have occasion for that article*
you will have the goodness to supply me." " My lord,"
answered I, with mock gravity like his own, " you are
very obliging to give me the preference ; but it may not
be unseasonable to observe, that there would be an in-
delicacy in my administering to your excellency's pleas-
ures of this description. Signor Don Rodrigo has been
so long ia possession of that post about your person,
that it would be manifest injustice to rob him of it."
The duke smiled at my answer ; and then changing the
subject, asked whether his nephew did not want for
money for this new speculation. " Excuse my negli-
gence !" said I ; "he will thank you to send him a thou-
sand pistoles."" Well and good," replied the minister :
"you will furnish him accordingly, with my strict in-
junction not to be niggardly, but to encourage the prince
in whatever pleasurable expenses his heart may prompt
him to indulge."
GIL BLAS. 157
CHAPTER XI.
the prince or Spain's secret visit and present* to
CATALINA.
I went to the Count de Lemos on the spur of the oc-
casion, with five hundred double pistoles in my hand.
44 You could not have come at a better time," said that
nobleman. " I have been talking with the prince ; he
has taken the bait, and burns with impatience to see
Catalina. This very night he intends to slip privately
out of the palace, and pay her a visit ; it is a measure
determined on, and our arrangements are already made.
Give notice to the ladies, through the medium of the
cash you have just brought ; it is proper to let them
know they have no ordinary lover to receive ; and a
matter of course that generosity in princes should be
the herald of their partialities. As you will be of our
party, take care to be in the way at bedtime : and as
your carriage will be wanted, let it wait near the palace
about midnight."
I immediately repaired to the ladies. Catalina was
not visible, having just gone to lie down. I could only
speak with Signora Mencia. " Madam," said I, " for-
give my appearance here in the daytime, but there was
no avoiding it ; you must know that the Prince of Spain
will be with you to-night ; and here," added I, putting
my pecuniary credentials into her hatid, " here is an of-
fering which he lays on the Cytherean shrine, to propi-
tiate the divinities of the temple. You may perceive,
1 have not entangled you in a sleeveless concern."
41 You have been excessively kind, indeed," answered
she ; " but tell me, Signor de Santillane, does the prince
love music ?" " To distraction," replied I. " There is
nothing he so much delights in as a fine voice, with a
delicate lute accompaniment." " So much the better,"
exclaimed she, in a transport of joy ; " you give me
great pleasure by saying so ; for my niece has the pipe
of a nightingale, and plays exquisitely on the lute : then
her dancing is in the finest style!" "Heavens and
earth !" exclaimed I, in my turn, " here are accomplish*
14
158 GIL BLAS.
ments by wholesale, aunt : more than enough to make
any girl's fortune ! Any one of those talents would
have been a sufficient dowry."
Having thus smoothed his reception, I waited for
the prince's bedtime. When it was near at hand, I
ffave my coachman his orders, and went to the Count
de Lemoa, who told me that the prince, the sooner to
get rid of the people about him, meant to feign a slight
indisposition, and even 1 to go to bed, the better to cajole
his attendants ; but that he would get up an hour after-
ward, and go through a private door to a back staircase
leading into the courtyard.
Conformably with their previous arrangements, he
fixed my station. There had I to beat the hoof so long,
that I began to suspect our forward sprig of royalty had
gone another way, or else had changed his mind about
Catalina ; just as if princes ever began to be fickle till,
the goad of novelty and curiosity began to be blunted.
In short, I thought they had forgotten me, when two
men came up. Finding them to be my party, I led the
way to my carriage, into which they both got, and I
upon the coach-box to direct the driver, whom I stopped
fifty yards from the house, whither we walked. The
door opened at our approach, and shut again as soon
as we got in.
At first we were in absolute darkness, as on vqy for-
mer visit, though a lamp was fixed to the wall on the
present occasion. But the light which it shed was so
faint, as only to render itself visible without assisting
us. All this served only to heighten the romance in
the fancy of its hero, fixed as he was in steadfast gaze
at the sight of the ladies, as they received him in a sa-
loon, whose brilliant illumination was more dazzling,
when contrasted with the gloom of the avenue. The
aunt and niece were in a tempting undress, where the
science of coquetry was displayed in all its luxury and
absolute sway. Our prince could have been happy with
Signora Mencia, had the dear charmer Catalina been
away ; but, as there was a choice, the younger, according
to the rules of precedency in the court of Cupid, had
the preference.
** Well ! prince," said the Count de Lemos, " could
you have desired a better specimen oX beauty 1" ** They
are both enchanting," answered the prince, " and my
heart may as well surrender at once ; for the aunt would
tj/te 7t.it/ (/ /it f , 7/1 ///* fa ("(iJatMM
OIL BLAS. 159
arrest it in its flight, if it attempted to sound a retreat
from the niece's all-subduing charms."
After such compliments as do not fall by wholesale
to the share of aunts, he addressed his choicest terms
of flattery to Catalina, who answered him in kind. As
convenient personages of my stamp are allowed to min-
gle in the conversation of lovers, for the purpose of ma-
king fire hotter, I introduced the subject of singing and
playing on the lute. This was the signal of fresh rap-
ture ! and the nymph, the muse, the any thing but mor-
tal, was supplicated to out-tune the jingle of the spheres.
She complied like a good-humoured goddess ; played
some tender airs, and sung so deliciously, that the
prince flopped down on his knees in a tumult of love
and pleasure. But scenes like these are vapid in de-
scription ; suffice it to say, that hours glided away like
moments in this sweet delirium, till the approach of day
warned the sober plotters of the lunacy to provide for
their patient's safety and their own. When the par-
ties were all snugly housed, we gave ourselves as much
credit for the negotiation as if we had patched up a
marriage with a princess.
The next morning the Duke of Lerma desired to know
all the particulars. Just as I had finished relating
them, the Count de Lemos came in and said, "The
Prince of Spain is so engrossed by Catalina, he has
taken so decided a fancy to her, that he actually pro-
poses to be constant. He wanted to have sent her
jewels to the amount of two thousand pistoles to-day ;
but his finances were aground. My dear Gil Bias,"
said he, addressing himself to me, " you must absolutely
Set me that sum. I know it is very inconvenient ; you
ave pawned your credit for me already ; but my heart
owns itself your debtor ; and if ever 1 have the means
of returning your kindness by more than empty words,
your fortunes shall not suffer by your complaisance. 9 '
In answer, I assured him that I had friends and credit,
and promised to bring him what he wtoited.
" There is no difficulty about that," said the duke to
his nephew. " Santillane will bring you the money ;
or, to sa ve trouble, he may purchase the jewels; for he
is an admirable judge, especially of rubies. Are you
not, Gil Bias 1" This stroke of satire was of course
designed to entertain the count at my expense, and it
was successful ; for his curiosity could not but be ex-
160 GIL BLAS.
cited to know the meaning of the mystery* " No mys-
tery at all," replied his uncle, with a broad laugh. " Only
Santillane took it into his head one day to exchange a
diamond for a ruby ; and the barter operated equally to
the advantage of his pocket and his penetration."
Had the minister stopped there, I should have come
off cheaply ; but he took the trouble of dressing out, in
aggravated colours, the trick that Camilla and Don Ra-
phael played me, with a most provoking enlargement
of the circumstances most to the disadvantage of my
sagacity. His excellency having enjoyed his joke, or-
dered me to attend the Count de Lemos to a jeweller's,
where he selected trinkets for the Prince of Spain's
inspection, and they were intrusted to my care to be
delivered to Catalina.
There can be little doubt of my kind reception on the
following night, when I displayed a fine pair of drop
ear-rings as the presents of my embassy. The two
ladies, out of their wits at these costly tokens of the
prince's love, suffered their tongues to run into a gos-
siping strain, while they were thanking me for intro-
ducing them into such worshipful society. In the ex-
cess of their joy, they forgot themselves a little. There
escaped now and then certain peculiar idioms of speech,
which made me suspect that the party in question was
no such dainty morsel for royalty to feed upon.
To ascertain precisely what degree of obligation I
had conferred on the heir apparent, I took my leave
with the intention of coming to a right understanding
with Scipio.
CHAPTER XII.
catalina's real condition, a worry and alarm to GIL
BLAS HIS PRECA%TION8 FOR HIS OWN EASE AND QUIET.
On coming home, Theard a devil of a noise, and in-
quired what was the meaning of it. They told me
that Scipio was giving a supper to half a dozen of his
friends. They were singing as loud as their lungs
could roar, and threatening the stability of the house
with their protracted peals of laughter. This meal
OIL BLAS. 161
was not in all respects the banquet of the seven wise
men.
The founder of the feast, informed of my arrival,
said to his company, " Sit still, gentlemen ; it is only
the master of the house come home ; but that need not
disturb you. Go on with your merry-making; I will
but just whisper a word in his ear, and be back again in
a moment.' 9 He came to me accordingly. " What an
infernal din !" said I. " What sort of company do you
keep below ! Have you* too, got in among the poets 1"
" Thank you for nothing!' 9 answered he. "Your
wine is too good to be given to such gentry : I turn it
to better account. There is a young man of large
property in my party, who wishes to lay out your credit
and his own money in the purchase of a place. This
little festivity is all for him. For every glass he fills I
put on ten pistoles, in addition to the regular fee. He
shall drink till he is under the table." " If that is the
case," replied I, " go to your presidentship, and do not
spare the cellar. "
Then was no proper time to talk about Catalina ; but
the next morning I opened the business thus : " Friend
Scipio, the terms we are upon entitle me to fair dealing.
I have treated you more like an equal than a servant ;
consequently you would be much to blame to cheat me
on the footing of a master. Let us, therefore, have no
secret^ towards each other. 1 am going to tell you
what will surprise you; and you on your part shall
give me your sincere opinion about the two women
with whom you have brought me acquainted. Between
ourselves, I suspect them to be no better than they
should be ; with so much the more of the knave in their
composition, because they affect the simpleton. If my
conjecture be right, the Prince of Spain has no great
reason to be delighted with my activity ; for I will own
to you frankly, that it was for him I spoke to you about
a mistress. I brought him to see Catalina, and he is
over head and ears in love with her." " Sir," answered
Scipio, " you have dealt so handsomely by me, that I
shall act upon the square with you. I had yesterday a
private interview with the abigail ; and she gave me a
most entertaining history of the family. You shall
have it briefly, though it did not come briefly to me.
" Catalina was daughter to a sort of a genqgpan in
Arragon. An orphan at fifteen, with no fortune but a
14*
163 OIL BLA3.
pretty face, she lent a complying ear to an office vwho
carried her off to Toledo, where he died in six months,
having been more like a father than a husband to her.
She* collected his effects together, consisting of their
joint wardrobe and three hundred pistoles in ready
money ; and then went to housekeeping with Signora
Mencia, who was still in fashion, though a little on the
wane. These sisters, every way but in blood, began at
length to attract the attention of the police. The la-
dies took umbrage at this, and decamped in dudgeon
for Madrid, where they have been living for these two
vears, without making any acquaintance in the neigh-
bourhood. But now comes the best of the joke : they
have taken two small houses adjoining each other, with
a passage of communication through the cellars. Sig-
nora Mencia lives with a' servant girl in one of these
houses, and the officer's widow inhabits the other, with
an old duenna, whom she passes off for her grand-
mother; so that our versatile child of nature is some-
times a niece brought up by her aunt, and sometimes
an orphan under her grandmother's fostering wing.
When she enacts the niece, her name is Catalina; and
when she personates the grand-daughter, she calls
herself Sirena."
At the grating sound of Sirena I turned pale, and in-
terrupted Scipio, saving, u What do you tell me 1 Alas !
it Inust be so ! This cursed imp of Arragon ia Calde-
rona's charming Siren." " To be sure she is," answered
he, " the very same ! I thought you would be delighted
at the news." ** Quite the reverse," replied I. ** It por-
tends more sorrow than laughter: do not you anticipate
the consequences ?" " None of any ill omen," rejoined
Scipio. " What is there to be afraid of ? It is not cer-
tain that Don Rodrigo will rub his forehead ; and, in case
any good-natured friend should show it him in the glass,
you had better let the minister into the secret before-
hand. Tell him all the circumstances straight forward
as they happened : he will see that there has been no
trick on your part ; and if, after that, Calderona should
attempt to do you an ill office with his excellency, it
will be as clear as daylight that he is only actuated by
a spirit of revenge."
Scipio removed all my apprehensions by this advice,
whicM followed, in acquainting the Duke of Lerma at
once with this unlucky discovery. My aspect, while
OIL BLA.S. 168^
telling my tale, was sorrowful, and my tone faltering, in
evidence of my contrition for having unadvisedly brought
the prince and Don Rodrigo into such close quarters;
but the minister was more disposed to roast his favour-
ite than to pity him. Indeed, he ordered me to let the
matter take its own course ; considering it as a feather
in Calderona's cap, to dispute the empire of love with
so illustrious a rival, and not be worse used than his
lawful prince. The Count de Lemos, too, was informed
how things stood, and promised me his protection, if
the first secretary should come at the knowledge of the
intrigue, and attempt to undermine me with the duke.
Trusting to have secured the frail bark of my for-
tunes, by this notable contrivance, from the rocks end
quicksands that threatened it, my mind was once mere
at rest. I continued attending the prince on his visits
to Catalina, siren-like in nature as in nickname, who
was fertile in quaint devices to keep Don Rodrigo away
from next door, whenever the course of business re-
quired her to devote her nights to his royal competitor.
CHAPTER XIII.
L BLAS 0OE8 ON PERSONATING THE GREAT MAW. HE HEAftS
MEWS OF BIS FAMILY I A TOUCH OF NATURE ON THE OC-
CASION. A ORAM) QUARREL WITH FABRICIO.
I mentioned, some time ago, that in the morning there
was usually a crowd of people in my antechamber, com-
ing to negotiate little private concerns in the way of
Colitics; but I would never suffer them to open their
usiness by word of mouth; but, adopting court* prece-
dent, or rather, giving myself the airs of a jack in office,
my language to every suiter was, " Send in a memorial
on the subject." My tongue ran so glibly to that tune,
that one day I gave my landlord the official answer when
he came to put me in mind of a twelvemonth's rent
in arrear. As for my butcher and baker, they spared
me the trouble of asking for their memorials, by never
giving me time to run up a bill. Scipio, who mimicked
me so exactly that only those behind the scenes could
distinguish the double from the principal performer, held
164 GIL fcLAS.
his head just as high with the poor devils who curried
favour with him, as a step of the ladder to my ministe-
rial patronage.
There was another foolish trick of mine, of which I
do not by any means pretend to make a merit ; neither
% more nor less than the extreme assurance of talking
about the first nobility, just as if 1 had been one of their
f kidney. Suppose, for example, the Duke of Alva, the
Duke of Ossuna, or the Duke of Medina Sidonia were
mentioned in conversation, 1 called them, without cere-
mony, my friend Alva, that good-natured fellow Ossuna,
or that comical dog Medina Sidonia. In a word, my
pride and vanity had swelled to such a height, that my
father and mother were no longer among the number of
my honoured relatives. Alas ! poor understrappers, I
never thought of asking whether you had sunk or were
swimming in the Asturias. A thought about you never
came into my head. The court has all the soporific vir-
tues of Lethe in the case of poor relations.
My family was completely obliterated from the tablets
of my memory, when one morning a young man knocked
at my door, and begged to speak with me for a moment
in pnvate. He was shown into my closet,, where, with-
out asking him to take a chair, as he seemed to be quite
a common fellow, I desired to know abruptly what he
wanted. " How! Signor Gil Bias?" said he, M do you
not remember me ?" It was in vain that I perused the
lines of his face over and over again ; I was obliged to
tell him fairly that he had the advantage of me. u Why,
I am one of your old schoolfellows !" replied he ; " bred
and born in Oviedo; Bertrand Muscada, the grocer's
son, next door neighbour to your uncle the canon. I
recollect you as well as if it was but yesterday. We
y have played a thousand times together at blind man's
buff and prison bars."
" My youthful recollections," answered I, " are very
transient and confused. Blind man's buff and prison
bars are but childish amusements ! The burden of state
affairs leaves me little time to ruminate on the trifles of
my younger days." " I am come to Madrid," said he,
" to settle accounts with my father's correspondent. I
heard talk of you! Folks say that you have a good
birth at court, and are already almost as well off as a
Jew broker. I thought I would just call in and say
how-d'ye-do 1 On my return into the country your
OIL BLAS. 165
family will jump out of their skins for joy when they
hear how famously you are getting on."
It was impossible, in decency, to avoid asking how
my father, my mother, and my uncle stood m the
world; but that duty was performed in so gingerly a
manner, as to leave the grocer little room to compliment
Dame Nature on her liberal provision of instinct. He
seemed quite shocked at my indifference for such near
kindred ; and told me bluntly, with his coarse shopman's
familiarity, " Me thinks you might have "Shown more
heartiness and natural feeling for your kinsfolk ! Why,
you ask after them just as if they were vermin ! Your
father and mother are still at service ; take that in your
dish ! And the good canon, Gil Perez, eat up with gout,
rheumatism, and old age, has one foot in the grave.
People should feel as people ought ; and, seeing that you
are in a birth to be a blessing to your poor parents, take
a friend's advice, and allow them two hundred pistoles
a year. That will be. doing a handsome thing, and ma-
king them comfortable, and then you may spend the
rest upon yourself with a good conscience." Instead
of being softened by this family picture, I only resented
the officiousness of unasked advice. A more delicate
and covert remonstrance might, perhaps, have made its
impression ; but so bold a rebuke only hardened my
heart. My sulky silence was not lost upon him ; so that,
while he moralized himself, out of charity into downright
abuse, my choler began to overflow. " Nay, then ! this
is too much," answered I, in a devil of a passion.
M Get about your business, Master Muscada, and mind
your own shop. You are a pretty fellow to preach to
me ! As if I was to be taught my duty by you." With-
out further parley, I handed the grocer out of my closet
by the shoulder, and sent him off to weigh figs and nut-
megs at Oviedo.
The home strokes he had laid on were not 'lost to ray
sober recollection. My neglect of filial piety struck
home to my heart, and melted me into tears. When I
recollected how much my childhood was indebted to my
parents, what pains they had taken in my education,
these affecting thoughts gave language for the moment
to the still small voice of nature and gratitude ; but the
language was never translated into solid sense and ser-
vice. An habitual callousness succeeded this transient
sensation, and peremptorily cancelled every obligation
166 OIL BLAS.
of humanity. There are many fathers besides mine
who will acknowledge this portrait of their sons.
Avarice and ambition, dividing me between them, an-
nihilated every trace of my former temper. I lost all
my gayety ; became absent and moping ; in short, a most
unsociable animal. Fabricio, seeing me so furiously
bent on accumulation, and so perfectly indifferent to
him, very rarely came to see me. He could not help
saying one day, " In truth, Gil Bias, you are quite an
altered man. Before you were about the court, you
were always pleasant and easy. Now you are all agi-
tation and turmoil. You form project after project to
make a fortune, and the more you realize, the wider
your views of aggrandizement extend. But this is not
the worst! You have no longer that expansion of
heart, those open manners, which form the charm of
friendship. On the contrary, you wrap yourself round,
and shut the avenues of your heart even to me. In your
very civilities, 1 detect the violence you impose upon
yourself. In short, Gil Bias is no longer the same Gil
Bias whom 1 once knew."
" You really have a most happy talent for bantering,"
answered I, with repulsive jocularity. " But this meta-
morphose into the shag of a savage is not perceptible
to myself.' 1 " Your own eyes," replied he, " are insen-
sible to the change, because they are fascinated. But
the fact remains the same. Now, my friend, tell me,
fairly and honestly, shall we live together as here-
tofore ! When 1 used to knock at your door in the
morning, you came and opened it yourself between
asleep and awake, and I walked in without ceremony.
Now, what a difference ! You have an establishment of
servants. They keep me cooling my heels in your
antechamber; my name must be sent in before I can
speak to you. When this is got over, what is my recep-
tion ! A cold inclination of the head, and the insolent
strut of office. Any one would suppose that my visits
were growing troublesome ! Can you suppose this to
be treatment for a man who was once on equal terms
with you 1 No, Santillane, it can never be, nor will I
bear it longer. Farewell ! Let us part without ill blood.
We shall both be better asunder : you will get rid of a
troublesome censor, and I of a purse-proud upstart who
does not know himself."
I felt myself more exasperated than reformed by his
GIL BLAB. 167
reproaches : and suffered him to take his departure with-
out the slightest effort to overcome his resolution. In
the present temper of my mind, the friendship of a poet
did not seem a catch of sufficient importance to break
one's heart about its loss. 1 found ample amends in
the intimacy of some subaltern attendants about the
king's person, with whom a similarity of humour had
lately connected me closely. These new acquaintance
of mine were, for the most part, men from no one knows
where, pushed up to their appointments more by luck
than merit. They had all got into warm births ; and,
wretches as they were, measuring their own conse-
quence by the excess of royal bounty, forgot their ori-
gin as scandalously as 1 forgot mine. We gave our-
selves infinite credit for what told so much and bitterly
to our disgrace. O, Fortune ! what a jade you are, to dis-
tribute your favours at nap-hazard as you do ! Epicte-
tus was perfectly in the right when he likened you to a
jilt of fashion, prowling about in masquerade, and tip-
ping the wink to every blackguard who parades the
street.
book in.
CHAPTER I.
SCIPIO'S SCHEME OV MARRIAGE FOR GIL BLAB. THE MATCH,
A RICH GOLDSMITH'S DAUGHTER. CIRCUMSTANCES CON-
NECTED WITH THIS SPECULATION.
One evening, on the departure of my supper company,
finding myself alone with Scipio, I asked him what he
had been doing that day. " Striking a master-stroke,"
answered he. " I intend that you should marry. A
f)ldsmith of my acquaintance has an only daughter, and
mean to make up a match between you."
" A goldsmith's daughter !" exclaimed I, with a dis-
dainful air : " are you out of your senses 1 Can you
think of tying me up to a trinket-maker? People of a
certain character in society, and on a certain footing at
court, ought to have much higher views of things. 7 '
168 OIL BLAS.
" Pardon me, sir P' rejoined Scipio, " do not take the
subject up in that light. Recollect that nobility accrues
by the male side, and do not ride a higher horse than a
thousand jockeys of quality whom I could name. Do
you know that the heiress in question will bring a hun-
dred thousand ducats in her pocket ? Is not that a pretty
little sprig of jewellery 1" To the resounding echo of
so large a sum my ears were instantly symphonious.
" The day is your own," said I to my secretary ; " the
fortune determines the case in the lady's favour. When
do you mean to put me in possession?" "Fair and
softly, sir," answered he ; " the more haste the worse
speed. It will be necessary fox me first to communi-
cate the affair to the father, and instil the advantage of
it into his capacity." " Good !" rejoined I, with a burst
of laughter ; " is it thereabouts you are ? The match is
far advanced in its progress towards consummation."
-r- 44 Much nearer than you suppose," replied he. " But
one hour's conversation with the goldsmith, and I pledge
myself for his consent. But, before we go any further,
let us come to an agreement, if you please. Supposing
that I should transfer a hundred thousand ducats to you,
what would my commission be ?" " Twenty thousand !"
was my answer. " Heaven be praised therefore," said
he ; " I guessed your gratitude at ten thousand, so that
it doubles mine in a similar case. Come on, t^en ! I
will set this negotiation on foot to-morrow morning;
and you may count upon its success, or I am little bet-
ter than one of the foolish ones."
In fact, he said to me two days afterward, " I have
spoken to Signor Gabriel Salero, my friend the gold-
smith. On the loud Teport of your high desert and credit,
he has lent a favourable ear to my offer of you for a son-
in-law. You are to have his daughter with a hundred
thousand ducats, provided you can make it appear
clearly that you are in possession of the minister's good
graces." " Since that is the case," said I, confidently, to
Scipio, " I shall soon be married. But not entirely to
forget the girl, have you seen her? is she pretty ?"
"Not quite so pretty as her fortune," answered he.
" Between ourselves, this heiress's looks are as hard as
her cash. Luckily, you are quite indifferent about that."
" Stone blind, by the light of the sun, my good fel-
low !" replied I. " As for us whimsical fellows about
court, we marry merely for the sake of marrying.
GIL BLAB. 169
When we want beauty, we look for it in our friends 9
wires ; and if, by fates and destinies, the sweets are
wasted on our own, their flavour is so mawkish to our
palate, that there is some merit in their not carrying the
commodity to a foreign market."
" This is not all," resumed Scipio : " Signor Gabriel
hopes for the pleasure of your company to supper this
evening. By agreement, there is to be no mention of
marriage. He has invited several of his mercantile
friends to this entertainment, where you will take your
chance with the rest, and to-morrow he means to sup
with you on the same terms. By this you will perceive
his drift of looking before he leaps. You will do well
to be a little on your guard before him." " Oh ! for the
matter of that," interrupted I, with an air of confidence,
44 let him scrutinize me as closely as he pleases, the
result cannot fail to be in my favour."
All this happened as it was foretold. I was intro-
duced at the goldsmith's, who received me with the fa-
miliarity of an old acquaintance. A vulgar dog, but
warm ! and as troublesome with his civility as a prude
with her virtue. He presented me to Signora Eugenia
his wife, and the youthful Gabriela his daughter. 1
opened wide my budget of compliments, without in-
fringing the treaty, and prattled soft nothings to them,
in all the vacuity of courtly dialogue.
Gabriela, with submission to my secretary's better
taste, was not altogether so repulsive ; whether by dint
of being outrageously bedizened, or because 1 looked at
her in the raree show-box of her fortune. A charming
house this of Signor Gabriel ! There is less silver,
very believe, in the Peruvian mines, than under his
roof. That metal presented itself to the view in ail
directions, under a thousand different forms. Every
room, and especially that where we were entertained,
was a fairy palace. What a bird's-eye view for a son-
in-law ! The old codger, to do the thing genteelly, had
collected five or six merchants about him, all plodding,
spirit-wearing personages. Their tongues could only
talk of what their hearts were set upon : it was high
change all supper-time ; but, unfortunately, wit was at a
discount.
Next night it was my turn to treat the goldsmith.
Not being able to dazzle him with my sideboard, I had
recourse to another artifice. I invited to supper such
Vol. II. H 15
170 Git BLAS.
of my friends as made the finest figure at court; hang-
ers-on of state, noted for the unwieldiness of their am-
bition. These fellows could not talk on common top-
ics: the brilliant and lucrative posts at which they
aimed were all canvassed in detail : this, too, made its
way. Poor counting-house Gabriel, in amazement at
the loftiness of their ideas, shrunk into insignificance, in
spite of all his hoards, on a comparison with these won-
derful men. As for me, in all the plausibility of mod-
eration, I professed to wish for nothing more than a
comfortable fortune ; a snug box and a competence :
whereupon these gluttons of the loaves and fishes cried
out with one voice that I was wrong, absolutely crim-
inal : for the prime minister would do any thing upon
earth for me, and it was an act of duty to anoint my fin-
gers with bird-lime. My honoured papa lost not a word
of all this ; and seemed, at going away, to take his leave
with some complacency.
Scipio went of course the next morning, to ask him
how he liked me. " Extremely well, indeed," answered
the knight of the leger: "the lad has won my very
heart. But, good Master Scipio, I conjure you, by our
long acquaintance, to deal with me as a true friend.
We have all our weak side, as you well know. Tell me
where Signor de Santillane is fallible. Is he fond of
play ? does he wench * On what lay are his snug little
vices t Do not fight shy, I beseech you." " It is very
unkind, Signor Gabriel, to put such a question," retorted
the go-between. "Your interest is more to me than
my master's. If he had any slippery propensities, likely
to make your daughter unhappy, would I ever have pro-
posed him as a son-in-law ! The deuse a bit ! I am too
much at your service. But, between ottrselves, he has
but one fault ; that of being faultless. He is too wise
for a young man."" So much the better," replied the
goldsmith ; " he is the more like me. You may go, my
friend, and tell him he shall have my daughter, and
should have her, though he knew no more of the minis-
ter than I do."
As soon as my secretary had reported this conversa-
tion, I flew to thank Salero for his partiality. He had
already told his mind to his wife and daughter, who gave
me to understand, by their reception, that they yielded
without disgust. I carried my father-in-law to the
Duke of Lerma, whom I had informed the evening be-
GIL BLAS. 171
fore, and presented him with due ceremony. His ex*
cellency gave him a most gracious reception, and con*
gratulated him on having chosen a man for his son-in-
law for whom he himself had so great a regard, and
meant to do such great things. Then did he expatiate
on my good qualities, and, in short, said so much to my
honour, that honest Gabriel thought he had met with
the best match in Spain. His joy oozed out at his
eyes. On parting, he pressed me in his arms, and said,
44 My son, I am so impatient to see you Gabriela's hus-
band, that the affair shall be finally settled within a
week at latest."
CHAPTER II.
HI THE PROGRESS OF POLITICAL VACANCIES, OIL BLAS REO0L*
LECT8*THAT THERE IS S0CH A MAN IN THE WORLD AS DON
ALPHONSO DE LEYTA ; AND RENDERS HIM A SERVICE FROM
MOTIVES OF VANITY.
Let us leave my marriage to take care of itself for a
season. The order of events requires me to recount a
service rendered to my old master Don Alphonso. I
had entirely forgotten that gentleman's existence ; but a
circumstance recalled it to my recollection.
The government of Valencia became vacant at this
time, and put me in mind of Don Alphonso de Ley va.
I considered within myself that the employment would
suit him to a nicety ; and determined to apply for it on
his behalf, not so much out of friendship as ostentation.
If I could but procure it for him, it would do me infinite
honour. I told the Duke of Lerma that I had been
steward to Don Cesar de Leyva and his son ; and that,
having every reason in the world to feel myself obliged
to them, I should take it as a favour if he would give
the government of Valencia to one or other of them.
The minister answered, " Most willingly, Gil Bias. I
love to see you grateful and generous. Besides, the
family stand very high in my esteem. The Leyvas are
loyal subjects, so that the place cannot be better be*
stowed. You may take it as a wedding present, and do
what you like with it."
Delighted at the success of my application) I went to
H3
172 OIL BLAB.
Calderona in a prodigious hurry, to get the patent made
out for Don Alphonso. There was a great crowd, wait-
ing in respectful silence till Don Rodrigo should come
and give audience. I made my way through, and the
closet door opened as if by sympathy. There were no
one knows how many military and civil officers, with
other people of consequence, among whom Calderona
was dividing his attentions. His different reception of
different people was curious. A slight inclination of the
head was enough for some ; others he honoured with a
profusion of courtly grimace, and bowed them out of
the closet. The proportions of civility were weighed to
a scruple. On the other hand, there were some suiters
who, shocked at his cold indifference, cursed in their
secret soul the necessity for their cringing before such
a monkey of an idol Others, on the contrary, were
laughing in their sleeve at his gross and self-sufficient
air. But the scene was thrown away upon me, nor
was I likely to profit by such a lesson. It waff exactly
the counterpart of my own behaviour; and I never
thought of ascertaining whether my deportment was
popular or offensive, so long as there was no violation
of outward respect.
Don Rodrigo accidentally casting a look towards me,
left a gentleman, to whom he was speaking -without
ceremony, and came to pay his respects witnthe most
unaccountable tokens of high consideration. " Ah ! my
dear colleague, 1 ' exclaimed he, "what occasion pro-
cures me the pleasure of seeing you here ! Is there any
thing we can do for you ?" I told him my business ;
whereupon he assured me, in the roost obliging terms,
that the affair should be expedited within four-and-
twenty hours. Not satisfied with these overwhelming
condescensions, he conducted me to the door of his
antechamber, whither he never attended any but the
nobility of the first rank. His farewell was as flattering
as his reception.
"What is the meaning of all this palaver 1" said I,
while retreating : " has any raven croaked my entrance,
and prophesied promotion to Calderona by my over-
throw \ Does he really languish for my friendship ! or
does he feel the ground giving way under his feet, and
wish to save himself by clinging to the branches of my
favour and protection \ n It seemed a moot point which
of these conjectures might be-right. The following day,
OIL BLAS. 178
on my return, his behaviour was of the same stamp;
caresses and civilities poured in upon me in torrents.
It is true that other people, who attempted to speak to
him, were ramped in exact proportion with the blandish-,
ments of his face towards me. He snarled at some, pet-
rified others, and made the whole circle run the gantlet
of his displeasure. But they were all amply avenged
by an occurrence, the relation of which may give a
gentle hint to all the clerks and secretaries on the list
of my readers.
A man very plainly dressed, and certainly not looking
at all like what he was, came up to Calderona, and
spoke to him about a memorial, stated to have been pre-
sented by himself to the Duke of Lerma. Don Rodrigo,
without looking from his clothes up to his face, said, in
a sharp, ungracious tone, " Who may you happen to be,
honest man V " They called me Francillo in my child-
hood," answered the stranger, unabashed ; " my next
style and title was that of Don Francillo de Zuniga : and
my present name is the Count de Pedrosa." Calderona
was all in a twitter at this discovery, and attempted to
stammer out an excuse, when he found that he had to
do with a man of the first quality. " Sir," said he to
the count, " I have to beg you ten thousand pardons ;
but not knowing whom I had the honour to " " I want
none of your apologies," interrupted Francillo, with
proud indignation ; " they are as nauseous as your rude-
ness was unbecoming. Recollect, henceforth, that a
minister's secretary ought to receive all descriptions of
people with good manners. You may be vain enough
to affect the representative of your master; but the
public know you for his menial servant."
The haughty Don Rodrigo blushed blue at this re-
buke. Yet it did not mend his manners one whit. On
me it made a salutary impression. I determined to
take care and ascertain the rank of my petitioners be-
fore I gave a loose to the insolence of office, and to in-
flict torture only upon mutes. As Don Alphonso's pa-
tent was made out, I sent it by a purpose messenger,
with a letter from the Duke of Lerma, announcing the
royal favour. But I took no notice of my own share in
the appointment, nor even accompanied it with a line,
in the fond hope of announcing it by word of mouth, and
surprising him agreeably, when he came to court on oc-
casion of taking the customary oaths.
15*
174 OIL BLAS.
CHAPTER HI.
FKCPABATIOHS FOR THE MAUUAOB OF OIL BLAS. A SPOKE
IN THE WHEEL OF HYMEN.
And now once more for my lovely Gabriela! We
were to b married in a week. Preparations were
making on both sides for the ceremony. Salero ordered
a rich wardrobe for the bride, and I hired a waiting-
woman for her, a footman, and a gentleman usher of
decent aspect and advanced years. The whole estab-
lishment was provided by Scipio, who longed more
longingly than myself for the hour when we were to be
fingering the fortune*
On the evening before the happy day, I was supping
with my father-in-law, the rest of the company being
made op of uncles, aunts, and cousins of either sex and
every degree. The part of a supple-visaged soa-in-law
sat upon me to perfection. Nothing could exceed my
profound respect for the goldsmith and his wife, or the
transports of my passion at Gabriela's feet; while I
smoothed my way into the graces of the family, by lis-
tening with impregnable patience to their witless rep-
artees, and irrational ratiocinations. Thus did I gam
the jrjreat end of all my forbearance, the pleasure of
pleasing my new relations. Every individual of the
clan felt himself a foot taller for the honour of my al-
liance.
The repast ended, the company moved into a large
room, where we were entertained with a concert of vo-
cal and instrumental music, not the worst that was ever
heard, though the performers were not selected from
die choicest bands of Madrid. Some lively airs pat us
in mind of dancing. Heaven knows what sort of per-
formers we must have been, when they took me for the
Coryphaeus of the opera, though I never had but two or
three lessons from a petty dancing-master, who taught
the pages on the establishment of the Marchioness de
Chaves. After we had tired our tendons, it was time
to think of going home. There was no end of my bows
and God-bless-you's. " Farewell, my dear son-in-law/'
OIL BLAS. 176
wad Salero, as he squeezed my hand, " I shall be at
your house in the morning, with the portion in ready
money."*' You will be welcome, come when you list,
my dear father-in-law," answered I. Afterward, wish-
ing the family good-night, I jumped into the carriage,
and ordered it to drive home.
Scarcely had I got two hundred yards from Signor
Gabriel's house, when fifteen or twenty men, some on
foot and some on horseback, all with swords and fire-
arms, surrounded and stopped the coach, crying out,
" In the name of our sovereign . lord ike king." They
^dragged me out by main force, and thrust me into a
hack-chaise, when the leader of the party got in with
me, and Ordered the driver to go for Segovia. There
couid be no doubt but the honest gentleman by my side
was an alguaziL I wante4 to know, something about
the cause of my arrest ; but he answered in the lan-
guage of those gentry, which is very bad language, that
he had other things to do than to satisfy my imperti-
nent curiosity. 1 suggested that he might have mista-
ken his man. " No, no," retorted he, " the fool is wiser
than that. You are Signor de Santillane ; and in that
case you are to go along with me." Not being able to
deny that fact, it became an act of prudence to hold my
tongue. For the remainder of the night we traversed
Mancanarez in sulky silence ; changed horses at Col-
menar, and arrived the next evening at Segovia, where
the lodging provided for me was in the tower.
CHAPTER IV.
THE TREATMENT OF OIL BLAS IN THE TOWER OF 8EGOVIA '
CAUSE OF HIS IMPRISONMENT.
Their first favour was to clap me up in a cell, where
they left me on the straw like a criminal, whose only
earthly portion was to con over his dying speech in
solitude. I passed the night, not in bewailing my fate,
for it had not yet presented itself in all its aggravation,
but in endeavouring to divine its cause. Doubtless it
must have been Calderona's handiwork. And yet,
though his branching honours might have pressed thick
upon his senses, I could, not conceive how the Duke of
176 611 BLA0.
Lerma could have been induced to treat me so mfenman-
ly. Sometimes I apprehended my arrest to have been
without his excellency's knowledge ; at other times I
thought him the contriver of it, for some political rea-
sons, such as weigh with ministers when they sacrifice
their accomplices at the shrine of state policy*
My mind was vibrating to and fro with these various
conjectures, when the dawn, peeping in at my little gra-
ted window, presented to my sight all the horror of
the place where I was confined. Then did I vent my
sorrows without ceasing, and my eyes became two
springs of tears, flowing inexhaustibly at the remem-
brance of my prosperous state. Pending this paroxysm
of grief, a turnkey brought my day's allowance of bread
and water. He looked at me, and on the contemplation
of my tear-besprinkled visage, jailer as he was, there
came over him a sentiment of pity. ** Do not despair,"
said he. "This life is full of crosses; but mind them
not. You are young ; after these days you will live to
see better. In the meantime, eat at the king's mess
with what appetite you may."
My comforter withdrew with this quaint invitation,
answered by my groans and tears. The rest of the
day was spent in cursing my wayward destiny, without
thinking of my empty stomach. As for the royal mor-
sel, it seemed more like the message of wrath than the
boon of benevolence ; the tantalizing protraction of paint
rather than the solace of affliction.
Night came, and with it the rattle of a key in my
keyhole. My dungeon door was opened, and in came
a man with a wax-light in his hand. He advanced to-
wards me, saying, " Signor Gil Bias, behold in me one
of your old friends. I am Don Andrew de Tordesiilas,
in the Archbishop of Grenada's service while you en-
joyed that prelate's favour. You may recollect enga-
ging his interest in my behalf, aiW thereby procuring me
a post in Mexico ; but, instead of embarking for the In-
dies, I stopped in the town of Alicant. There I married
the governor's daughter, and, by a series of adventures,
of which you shall hereafter have the particulars, I am
now warden of this tower. It is expressly forbidden
me to let you speak to any living soul, to give you any
better bed than straw, or any other sustenance than
bread and water. But, besides that your sufferings in-
terest my humanity, you have done me service, and
GIL BLAS. - 177
gratitude countervails the harshness of ray orders.
They think to make me the instrument of their cruelty
bat it is my better purpose to soften the rigour of your
captivity. Get up. and follow me."
Though my humane keeper was entitled to some ac-
knowledgment, my spirits were so affected as to inter-
dict my speech. All I could do was to attend him.
We crossed a court, and mounted a narrow staircase to
a little room at the top of the tower. It was no smaL
surprise, on entering, to find a table with lights on it,
neatly set out with covers for two. " They will serve
up immediately,' 1 said Tordesillas. " We are going to
sup together. This snug retreat is appointed for your
lodging ; it will agree better with you than your celL
From your window you will look down on the flowery
bank of the Erma, and the delicious vale of Coca,
bounded by the mountains which divide the two Cas*
tiles. At first, you will care little for prospects 4 but
when time shall have softened your keener sensations
into a composed melancholy, it will be a pleasure to
feast your eyes on such engaging scenes. Then, as for
linen, and other necessaries befitting a man accustomed
to the eomforts of life, they shall be always at your ser-
vice. Your bed and board shall be such as you could
wish, with a plentiful supply of books. In a word, you
shall have every thing but your liberty."
My spirits were a little tranquillized by these obliging
offers. I took courage^ and returned my best thanks ;
assuring him that his generous eonduct restored me to
life, and that I hoped, at some time or other, to find
an opportunity of testifying my gratitude. "To be
sure ! and why should you not !" answered he. " Did
you fancy yourself a prisoner for life ? Nothing leas
likely! and I would lay a wager that you will be releas- ,
ed in a very few months." * What say you, Signor Don
Andrew!" exclaimed I. "Then surely you are ac-
quainted with the occasion of my misfortune."" You
guess right," replied he. " The alguazil who brought
yon hither, told me the whole story in confidence. The
king, hearing that the Count de Lemos and you were
in the habit of escorting the Prince of Spain by night to
a house of suspicious character, as a punishment for
your loose morals, has banished the count, and sent
you hither to be treated in the style of which you have
bad a specimen."" And how," said I, " did that cir-
H 3
178 GIL BLA.
comstanee come to tbe king's knowledge? That is
what I am most curious to ascertain." " And that," an-
swered he, " is precisely what the alguazil did not tell,
apparently because he did not know."
At this epoch of our conversation, the servants brought
in supper. When every thing was set in order, Torde-
aillas sent away the attendants, not wishing our conver-
sation to be overheard. He shut the door, and we took
our seats opposite to each other. " Let us say grace and
fall to," said he. " Your appetite ought to be good af-
ter two days of fasting." Under this impression, he
loaded my plate as if he had been cramming the craw
of a starveling. In fact, nothing was more likely than
that I should play the devil among the ragouts : but
what is likely does not always happen. Though my
intestines were yearning for support, their staple stuck
in my throat ; for my heart loathed all pleasurable indul-
gence in the present state of my affairs. In vain did my
warden, to drive away the blue devils, pledge me con-
tinually, and expatiate on the excellence of his wine ;
imperishable nectar would have been pricked according
to the fastidious report of my palate. This being the
case, he went another way to work, and told me the
story of his marriage, with as much humour as such a
subject would admit. Here he was still less successful.
So wandering was my attention, that, before the end, 1
had forgotten the beginning and the middle. At length
he was convinced that there was no diverting my gloomy
thoughts that evening. After finishing his solitary sup-
per, he rose from the table, saying, " Signor de Santil-
lane, I shall leave you to your repose, or rather to the
free indulgence of your own reveries. But, take my
word for it, your misfortune will not be of long contin-
uance. The king is naturally good. When his anger
shall have passed away, and your deplorable estate
shall occur to his milder thoughts, your punishment
will appear sufficient in his eyes." With these words
my kind-hearted jailer went down stairs, and sent the
servants to take away. Not even the brass candlesticks
were left behind ; and I went to bed by the palpable
darkness of a glimmering lamp suspended against the
waJU.
OIL BLAS. 179
CHAPTER V.
fclS REFLECTIONS BEFORE HE WENT TO SLEEP THAT NIGHT,
AND THE NOISE THAT WAKED HIM.
Two hours, at least, were my thoughts employed Oil
what Tordesillas had told me. Here, then, am I, for
having lent myself to the pleasures of the heir apparent !
It was certainly not having my wits about me, to pander
for so young a prince. Therein consists my crime ;
had he been arrived at a more knowing age, the king
perhaps might only have laughed at what has now made
him so angry. But who can have given such counsel
to the monarch, without dreading the prince's resent-
ment or the Duke of Lerma's? That minister will
doubtless take ample vengeance for his nephew the
Count de Lemos*. How can the king nave made the
discovery t That is above my comprehension.
This last was the eternal burden of my songi But
the idea most afflictive to my mind, what drove me to
despair, and laid fiend-like hold upon my fancy, Was the
unquestioned plunder of my effects. My strong-box,
exclaimed I, my dear wealth, what is become of you ?
into what hands have you fallen ? Alas ! you are lost
in less time than you were gained ! The ruinous con-
fusion of my household was the perpetual death's-head
of my imagination. Yet this wilderness of melancholy
ideas sheltered me from absolute distraction: sleep,
which had shunned my wretched straw, now paid hid
readier visit to my soft and gentlemanly couch* Watch*
ing and wine, too, imparted a stronger narcotic to his
poppies. My slumbers were profound; and, to all ap-
pearance, the day might have peeped in upon my re-
pose, if I had not been awakened all at once by such
sounds as rarely perforate a prison wall. I heard the
thrum of a guitar, accompanying a man's voice. My
whole attention was absorbed ; but the invisible musi-
cian paused, and left the fleeting impression of a dream.
An instant afterward, my ear was soothed with the
sound of the same instrument, and the same voice.
" Wisely the ant against poor winter hoards
The stock which summer's wealth afftmds
180 Olh BIAS*
In grasshopper*, that most at autumn day,
How vain were such as industry !
M Of love or fortune the deceitful light
Might half excuse oar cheated sight,
If it of life the whole small time would stay,
And be our sunshine all the day."*
These verses, which sounded as if they had been
sung expressly for the dirge of my departed happiness,
were only an aggravation of my feelings. " The truth
of the sentiment," said I, " is but too well exemplified
m me. The meteor of court favour has but plunged me
in substantial darkness ; the summer sunshine of ambi-
tion is quenched in these autumnal glooms." Now did
I sink again into cold and comfortless meditation ; my
miseries began to flow afresh, as if they fed and grew
upon their own vital stream. Yet my waitings ended
with the night ; and the first rays which played upon
my chamber wall amused my mind into composure. I
got up to open my window, and let the vivid air of
morning into my room. Then I glanced over the coun*
try, so attractively depicted in the description of my
keeper. It did not seem to justify his nanegyric. The
Erlma, a second Tagus in my magnifying fancy, was
little better than a brook. Its flowery banks were
fringed with nettles, and arrayed in all the majesty of
thistles ; the delicious vale in this fairy prospect was a
barren wilderness, untamed by human labour. It there-
fore was very evident, that my keener sensations were
not yet softened into such a composed melancholy as
could give any but a jaundiced colouring to the land-
scape.
I began dressing, and had already half finished my
toilet, when Tordesillas ushered in an old chambermaid,
laden with shirts and towels. " Signor Gil Bias," said
he, "here is your linen. Do not be saving of it; there
shall always be as many changes as you can possibly
want. Well, now ! and how have you passed the night?
Has the drowsy god administered his anodyne t w M I
could have slept till this time," answered I, " if I had not
been awakened by a voice singing to a guitar." " The
* To have substituted, with a slight variation, these two stanzas
from Cowley for a translation of the common-place couplet in the
original, will probably not be thought to require any apology. They
necessarily involve a change in the consequent reflections of our
hero. Tkanslatos. '
OIL BLAS. 181
cavalier who has disturbed your repose," resumed he, "is
a state prisoner, and his chamber is contiguous to yours.
He is a knight of the military order of Catatrava, and is
a very accomplished person. His name is Don Gaston
de Cogollos. You may meet as often as you like, and
take your meals together. It will afford reciprocal con-
solation to compare your fortunes. There can be no
doubt of your being agreeable to one another." I as*
sured Don Andrew how sensible I was of his indulgence
in allowing me to blend my sorrows with those of my
fellow-sufferer ; and as I betrayed some impatience to
be acquainted with him, our accommodating warden
met my wishes on the very same day* He fixed me to
dine with Don Gaston, whose prepossessing physiog-
nomy and symmetry of feature struck me sensibly. Judge
what it must have been, to make so strong an impres-
sion on eyes accustomed to encounter the dazzling ex-
terior of the court. Figure to yourself a man fashioned
in the mould of pleasure ; one of those heroes in ro-
mance, who has only to show his face, and banish the
sweet sleep from the eyelids of princesses. Add to
this, that nature, who is generally bountiful with one
hand and niggardly with the other, had crowned the per-
fections of Cogollos with wit and valour. He was a
man, whose like, take him for all in all, we might not
soon look upon again.
If this fine fellow was mightily to my taste, it was
my good luck not to be altogether offensive to him.
He no longer sang at night, for fear of annoying me,
though I begged him by no means to restrain his incli-
nations on my account. A bond of union is soon form*
ed between brethren in misfortune. A close friendship
succeeded to mere acquaintance, and strengthened from
day to day. The liberty of uninterrupted intercourse
contributed greatly to our mutual support ; our burden
became lighter by division.
One day after dinner, I went into hip room just as he
was tuning his guitar. To hear him more at my ease,-
I sat down on the only stool ; while he, reclining; on
his bed, played a pathetic air, and sang to it a ditty,
expressing the despair of a lover and the cruelty of his
mistress. When he had finished, I said to him, with a
smile, " Sir Knight, such strains as these could never
be applicable to your own successes with the fair. You
were not made to cope with female repulse." " You
16
182 GIL BLAB.
think too well of me," answered he. " The verses yon
have just heard were composed to fit my own case ; to
soften a heart of adamant. You must hear my story,
and, in my story, my distresses."
CHAPTER VI.
HISTORY OF DON GASTON DB COOOLLOS, AND DONNA HELENA
DE GAL1STEO.
" It will be very soon four years since I left Madrid
to go and see my aunt, Donna Eleonora de Laxarilla, at
Coria : she is one of the richest dowagers in old Castile,
with myself for her only heir. Scarcely had I got within
her doors , when love invaded my repose. The windows
of my room faced the lattice of a lady living opposite :
but the street was narrow, and the blinds pervious to
the eye. It was an opportunity too delicious to be
lost ; and I found my neighbour so lovely, that my heart
was captivated. The subject of my sentry-watch could
not be mistaken. She marked it well ; but she was not
a girl to glory in the detection, still less to encourage
my fooleries.
" It was natural to inquire the name of this mighty
conqueror. I learned it to be Donna Helena, only daugh-
ter of Don George de Galisteo, lord of a large domain
near Coria. She had innumerable offers of marriage ;
but her father repulsed them all, because he meant to
bestow her hand on his nephew, Don Austinde Olighera,
who had uninterrupted access to his cousin while the
settlements were preparing. This was no bar to my
hopes : on the contrary, it whetted my eagerness : and
the insolent pleasure of supplanting a favoured rival was,
perhaps, at bottom, equally my motive, with a more
noble passion. My visual artillery was obstinately
planted against my unyielding fair. Her attendant, Fe-
licia, was not without theaincense of a glance, to soften
her rigid constancy in my favour; while nods and becks
stood for the current coin of language. But all these
efforts of gallantry were in vain : the maid was impreg-
nable, like her mistress : never was there such a pair of
cold and cruel ones.
" The commerce^ of the eyes being so unthrifty, 1
GIL BLAS. 183
had recourse to different agents. My scouts were on
the watch to hunt out what acquaintance Felicia might
have in town. They discovered an old lady, by name
Theodora, to be her most intimate friend, and that they
often met. Delighted at the intelligence, I went point-
blank to Theodora, and engaged her by presents in my
interest. She took my cause up heartily, promised to
contrive an interview for me with her friend, and kept
her engagement the very next day.
" I am no longer the wretch of yesterday,' said I to
Felicia, * since my sufferings have melted you to pity.
How deep is my debt to your friend, for her kind inter-
ference in my behalf!' * Sir,' answered she, ' Theodora
can do what she pleases with me. She has brought me
over to your side of the question ; and, if I can do you a
kindness, you shall soon be at the summit of your wishes :
but, with all my partiality in your favour,T[ know not
how far my efforts may be successful. It would be
cruel to mislead you : the prize will not be gained with-
out a severe conflict. The object of your passion is
betrothed to another gentleman, and her character most
inauspicious to your designs. Such is her pride, and so
closely locked are her secrets within her own breast,
that if, by constancy and assiduities, you could extort
from her a few sighs, fancy not that her haughty spirit
would indulge your ears with their music.' ' Ah ! my
dear Felicia,' exclaimed I, in an agony, why will you
thus magnify the obstacles in my way t To set them in
array will kill me. Lead me on with false hopes, if
you will, but do not drive mte to despair.' With these
words I took one of her hands, pressed it between mine,
and slid a diamond oil her finger, value three hundred
pistoles, with such a moving compliment as made her
weep again.
" Such speeches and corresponding actions deserved
some scanty comfort. She smoothed a little the rugged
path of love. * Sir,' said she, * what I havo just Wfen
telling you need not quite quench your hope* Your
rival, it is true, is in possession of the ground, lie
comes back and fore as he pleases. He toys with her
as often as he likes ; but all that is in your favour. The
habit of constant intercourse sheds a languor over their
meetings. They part without pain, and come together
without emotion. One would take then* for man and
wife. In a word, my mistress has no marks of violent
184 OIL BLAS.
love for Don Austin. Besides, in point of person, there
is such a difference between you and him as cannot fail
to catch the eye of a nice observer like Donna Helena.
Therefore do not be cast down. Continue your partic-
ular attentions. You shall have a second in me. I
shall let no opportunity escape of pointing out to my
mistress the merit of all your exertions to please her.
In vain shall she intrench herself behind reserve ; in
spite of guard and garrison, I will ransack the muster-
roll of her sentiments.'
" Nor were my open attacks and secret ambuscades
more fiercely pointed against the daughter of Don
George. Among the rest, I entertained her with a ser-
enade. After the concert, Felicia, to sound her mis-
tress, begged to know how she had been entertained.
'The singer had a good voice,' said Donna Helena.
' But how did you like the words V replied the abigail.
' I scarcely noted them/ returned the lady ; ' the music
engrossed my whole attention. The poetry excited as
little curiosity as its author. 9 ' If that is the case,' ex-
claimed the chambermaid, ' poor Don Gaston de Cogol-
los is reckoning without his host; and a miserable
spendthrift of his glances, to be always ogling at our
lattice- work.' ' Perhaps it may not be he,' said the
mistress, with petrifying indifference, ' but some other
spark, announcing his passion by this concert.' ' Ex-
cuse me,' answered Felicia, ' it is Don Gaston himself,
who accosted me this morning in the street, and im-
plored me to assure you how he adored, in d*ance of
your rigorous repulses: but that he should esteem
himself the most blessed of mortals, if you would allow
him to sooth his desponding thoughts by all the most
delicate and impassioned attentions. Judge, now, if I
can be mistaken, after so -open an avowal.'
"Don George's daughter changed countenance at
once, and said to her servant, with a severe frown,
' You might well have dispensed with the relation of
this impertinent discourse. Bring me no more such
idle tales ; and tell this young madman, when next he
accosts you, to play off his shallow artifices on some
more accommodating fool ; but, at all events, let him
choose a more gentlemanly recreation than that of
lounging all day at his window, and prying into the pri*
vacy of my apartment.'
" This message was faithfully delivered at my next
GIL BLA8. 185
interview with Felicia, who assured me that her mis-
tress's modes of speech were not to be taken in their
literal construction, but that my affairs were in the best
possible train. For my part, being little read in the
science of coquetry, and finding no favourable sense on
the face of the author's original words, I was half out
of humour with the wire-drawn comments of the critic.
She laughed at my misgiving, and asked her friend for
pen, ink, and paper, saying, ' Sir Knight of the Doleful
Countenance, write immediately to Donna Helena as
dolefully as you look. Make echo ring with your suf-
ferings; outsigh the river's murmur; and, above all, let
rocks and woods resound with the prohibition of ap~
pearing at your window. Then pawn your existence
on obeying her, though without the possibility ever to
redeem the pledge. Turn all that nonsense into pretty
sentences, as you gay deceivers so well know how to
do, and leave the rest to me. The event, I flatter my-
self, will redound more than you are aware to the hon-
our of my penetration.'
" He must have been a strange lover wh* would not
fcftve profited by so opportune an occasion of writing to
his mistress. My letter was couchedHn the most pa-
thetic terms. Felicia smiled at its contents ; and said,
' that if the women knew the art of infatuating men,
the men, in return, had borrowed their influence over
women from the arch wheedler himself.' My privy
counsellor took the note, and went back to Don
George's, with a special injunction that my windows
should be fast shut for some -days.
" * Madam,' said she, going up to Donna Helena, * I
met Don Gaston. He must needs endeavour to come
round me with his flattering speeches. In tremulous
accents, like a culprit pleading against his sentence, he
begged to know whether I had spoken to you on his
behalf. Then, in prompt and faithful compliance with
your orders, I snapped up the words out of his mouth.
To be sure, my tongue did run at a fine rate against
him. I called him all manner of names, and left him
in the street like a stock, staring at my termagant lo-
quacity.' *I am delighted,' answered Donna Helena,
* that you have disengaged me from that troublesome
person. But there was no occasion to have snubbed
him so unmercifully. A creature of your degree should
always keep a good tongue in its mouth.' 4 Madam,'
16*
186 GIL BLA8.
replied the domestic, * one cannot get rid of a deter-
mined lover by mincing one's words, though it comes
to much the same thing when one flies into a pas-
sion. Don Gaston, for instance, was not to be bul-
lied out of his senses. After having given it him on
both sides of his ears, as I told you, I went on that
errand of yours to the house of your relation. The
lady, as ill-luck would have it, kept me longer than she
ought. I say longer than she ought, because my plague
and torment met me on my return. Who the deuse
would have thought of seeing him 1 It put me all in a
twitter ; but then my tongue, which at other times is
apt to be in a twitter, stuck motionless in my mouth.
While my tongue stuck motionless in my mouth, what
did he do ! He slid a paper into my hand without giv-
ing me time to consider whether I should take it or no,
and made off in a moment.'
" After this introduction, she drew my letter from
under her stays, and gave it with a half banter to her
mistress, who affected to read it in humorous scorn,
but digested the contents most greedily, and then put
on the starch, offended prude. ' In good earnest, Fe-
licia,' said she, with all the gravity she could assume,
* you were extremely off your guard, quite bewildered
and fascinated, to have taken such an epistle. What
construction would Don Gaston put upon it? What
must I think of it myself? You give me reason, by
this strange behaviour, to mistrust your fidelity, while
he must suspect me of encouraging his odious suit.
Alas! he may, perhaps, lay that flattering unction to
his soul, that my love is legible in these characters,
and not his trespass. Only consider how low you lay
my towering pride.' ' Oh ! quite the reverse, madam,*
answered the petticoated pleader ; ' it is impossible for
him to think that ; and if he did, he would soon be con-
vinced with a flea in his ear. I shall tell him, when
next we meet, that I have delivered his letter, that you
glanced at the superscription with petrifying indiffer-
ence, and then, without reading a word, tore it into ten
thousand pieces.' ' You may swear that I did not read
it with a safe conscience,' replied Donna Helena. ( I
should be puzzled to retrace a single sentiment.' Don
George's daughter, not contented with these words,
suited the action to them, tore my letter, and imposed
silence on my advocate.
GIL BLAS. 187
" As I had promised no longer to play the loTer at
my window, the farce of obedience was kept up for
several days. Ogling being interdicted, my courtship
was doomed to enter in. at my Helena's obdurate ears.
One night 1 attended under her balcony with musicians ;
the first bars of the serenade were already playing, when
a swaggering blade, sword in hand, rushed in upon our
harmony, laying about him to the right and left, to the
utter discomfiture of the troop. Such mad warfare
fired my tilting propensities to equal fury. The affray
became serious. Donna Helena and her maid were
disturbed by the clash of swords. They looked out at
their lattice, and saw two men engaged. Their cries
roused Don George and his servants. The whole
neighbourhood was assembled, to part the combatants.
But they came too late : on the field of battle, bathed in
its own blood and almost lifeless, lay ray unfortunate
body. They carried me to my aunt's, and sent for the
best surgical assistance in the place.
"All the world was merciful, and wished me well,
eapecially Donna Helena, whose heart was now un-
masked. Her forced severity yielded to her natural
feelings. Would you believe it % The cold, relentless,
insensible, was kindled into the warmest of love's vota-
ries. She wore out the remainder of the night in
weeping with her faithful confidante, and giving her
cousin, Don Austin de Olighera, to perdition : for him
they taxed with the plotted massacre, and the bill was
a true one. He could hide his heart as well as his
cousin: he therefore watched my motions, without
seeming to suspect them ; and fancying them not to be
without a corresponding impulse, he resolved not to be
sacrificed with impunity. The accident was an awk-
ward one to me, but it ended in overpowering rapture.
Dangerous as my wound was, the surgeons soon
brought me about. I was still confined to my cham-
ber when my aunt, Donna Eleonora, went over to Don
George, and made proposals for Donna Helena. He
consented the more readily to the marriage, as he
never expected to see Don Austin again. The good
old man was afraid of his daughter's not liking me, be*
cause cousin Olighera had kept her company ; but she
was -so tractable to the parental behest as to furnish
grounds for believing that in Spain, as in other coun-
tries, the species, not the individual, is the object with
the sex.
188 GIL BLAS.
w Felicia, at our first private meeting, communicated
the emotions of her mistress on my misfortune. Now,
like another Paris, I thought Troy well lost for my
Helen, and blessed the happy consequences of my
wound. Don George allowed me to speak with his
daughter in presence of her attendant. What a heaven-
ly interview ! I begged and prayed the lady so earnestly
to tell me whether her sufferance of my vows was
forced upon her by her father, that she at length con-
fessed her obedience to be in unison with her inclina-
tions. After so delicious a declaration, my whole soul
was given up to love and pleasurable gratifications.
Our nuptials were to be graced by a magnificent pro-
cession of all the principal people in Coria and the
neighbourhood.
" I gave a splendid party at my aunt's country-house,
in the suburbs on the side of Manroi. Don George, his
daughter, the family, and friends on both sides were
present. There was a concert of vocal and instrument-
al music, with a company of strolling players to rep-
resent a comedy. In the middle of the festivities,
some'bne whispered me that a man wanted to speak
with me in the hall. I got up from table to go and see
who it was. The stranger looked like a gentleman's
servant. He put a letter into my hand, containing
these words : * If you have any sense of honour, as a
knight of your order ought to have, you will not fail to
attend to-morrow morning in the plain of Manroi.
There you will find an antagonist ready to give you
your revenge for his former attack upon your person,
or, what he rather hopes and meditates, to spoil your
connubial transports with Donna Helena.
4 Don Austin de Olighera.' .
" If love is a Spanish passion, revenge is the Spanish
lunacy. Such a note as this was not to be read with
composure. At the mere subscription of Don Austin,
there kindled in my veins a fire which almost made me
forget the claims of hospitality. I was tempted to
steal away from my company, and seek my antagonist
on the instant. For fear of disturbing the merriment,
however, I bridled in my rage, and said to the messen-
ger, 'My friend, you may tell your employer that I
shall meet him on the appointed spot at sunrise, and
resume the contest with obstinacy equal to his own.'
" After sending this answer, I resumed my seat at
GIL BLAS. 189
table with so composed a mien, that no creature had
the least suspicion of what had occurred. During the
rest of the day I gave myself up to the pleasures of
the festival, which ended not till midnight. The guests
then returned to town ; but I stayed behind, under pre-
text of taking the air on the following morning. In-
stead of going to bed, I watched for the dawn with
maddening impatience. With the first ray I got on
horseback, acid rode alone towards Manroi. On the
plain was a horseman riding up to me at full speed. I
pushed forward, and we met half way. It was my
rival. * Knight, 1 said he, superciliously, * it is against
my will that I meet you a second time on the same oc-
casion ; but you have brought your fate on yourself.
After the adventure of the serenade, you ought to have
waived your pretensions to Don George's daughter, or
at least to have been assured that the support of them
must cost you dearer than a single encounter. * You
are too much elated,' answered I, ' with an advantage
which is less owing, perhaps, to your superior skill,
than to the darkness of the night. Remember that
victory is of the same blind family with fortune.' ( It
shall be my lot to teach you,' replied he, with insulting
scorn, * that I have unsealed the eyes of both.'
"At this proud defiance, we both dismounted, tied our
horses to a tree, and engaged with equal fury. I must
candidly acknowledge the prowess of my antagonist,
who was a consummate master of fencipg* My life was
exposed to the greatest possible danger. Nevertheless,
as the strong is often vanquished by the weak, my rival,
in spite of all his science, received a thrust through his
heart, and fell a lifeless corpse.
" I immediately returned, and told a confidential ser-
vant what had happened, requesting him to take horse
and acquaint my aunt, before the officers of justice could
get intelligence of the event. He was also to obtain
from her a supply of money and jewels, and then join
me at the first inn as you enter Plazencia.
" All this was performed within three hours. Donna
Eleonora rather triumphed than mourned over a catas-
trophe which restored my injured honour ; and sent me
large remittances for my travels abroad till the affair had
blown over.
" Not to dwell on indifferent circumstances, suffice it
190 OIL BLAS.
to say that I embarked for Italy, and equipped myself so
as to make a respectable figure at the several courts.
" While I was endeavouring to beguile the weary
hours of absence, Helena was weeping at home from
the same cause. Instead of joining in the family re-
sentment, her heart was panting for a compromise, and
for my speedy return. Six months had already elapsed,
and I firmly believe that her constancy would have been
Eroof against the attack of time, had time been seconded
y no more powerful ally. Don Bias de Combados, a
gentleman from the western coast of Galicia, came to
Coria, to take possession of a rich inheritance unsuc-
cessfully contested by a near relation. He liked that
country so much better than his own, that he made it
his principal residence. Combados was a personable
man. His manners were gentle and well bred, his con-
versation most insinuating. With such a passport, he
soon got into the best company, and knew all the fam-
ily concerns of the place.
"It was not long before he heard of Don George's
daughter, and of her extraordinary beauty. This touch-
ed his curiosity nearly : he was eager to behold so formi-
dable a lady. For this purpose, he endeavoured to
worm himself into the good graces of her father, and
succeeded so well, that the old gentleman, already look-
ing on him as a son-in-law, gave him free admission to
the house, and the liberty of conversing with Donna
Helena in hie presence. The Galician soon became
deeply enamoured of her ; indeed, it was the common
fate of all who had ever beheld her charms. He opened
his heart to Don George, who consented to his paying
his addresses, but told him that, so far from offering vio-
lence to her inclination, he sjiould never interfere in her
choice. Hereupon Don Bias pressed every device that
impassioned ingenuity could suggest into his service,
to melt and warm the icicles of reserve; but the
lady was impenetrable to his arts, fast bound in the
fetters of an earlier love. Felicia, however, was in
the new suiter's interest, convinced of his merit by the
universal argument. All the faculties of her soul were
called forth in his cause. On the other hand, the father
urged his wishes and entreaties. Thus was Donna Hel-
ena tormented for a whole year with their importuni-
ties, and yet her faith continued unshaken.
" Combados finding that Don George and Felicia took
GIL BLAS. 191
up his cause with very little success, proposed an ex-
pedient for conquering prejudice to the following effect*
We will suppose a merchant of Coria to have received a
letter from his Italian correspondent, in which, among
the news of the day, there shall be the following para-
graph : ' A Spanish gentleman, Don Gaston de Cogollos,
has lately arrived at the court of Parma. He is said to
be nephew and sole heir to a rich widow of Coria. He
is paying his addresses to a nobleman's daughter, but
the family wishes to ascertain the validity of his pre-
tensions. Send me word, therefore, whether you know
this Don Gaston, together with the amount of his aunt's
fortune. On your answer the marriage will depend.
Parma, day of,' &c.
" The old gentleman considered this trick as a mere
ebullition of humour, a lawful stratagem of amorous
warfare ; and the jade of a go-between, with conscience
still more callous than her master's, was delighted with
the probability of the manoeuvre. It seemed to be so
much the more happily imagined, as they knew Helena
to be a proud girl, capable of taking decisive measures
in the moment of surprise and indignation. Don George
undertook to be the herald of my fickleness, and, by way
of colouring the contrivance more naturally, to confront
the pretended correspondent with her. This project
was executed as soon as formed. The father, with
counterfeit emotions of displeasure, said to Donna Hel-
ena, ' Daughter, it is not enough now to tell you that
our relations inveigh against an alliance with Don Aus-
tin's murderer; a still stronger reason henceforward
presses, to detach you from Don Gaston. It may well
overwhelm you with shame to have been his dupe so
long. Here is an undeniable proof of his inconstancy.
Only read this letter, just received by a merchant of Co-
ria from Italy.' The trembling Helena caught at this
forged paper ; glanced over the writing ; then weighed
every expression, and stood aghast at the import of the
whole. A keen pang of tender disappointment wrung
from her a few reluctant tears ; but pride came to her
assistance ; she wiped away the falling drops of weak-
ness, and said to her father, in a determined tone, * Sir,
you have just been witness of my folly : now bear testi-
mony to my triumph over myself. The delusion is past ;
Don Gaston is the object of my utter contempt. 1 am
ready to meet Don JJlas at the altar, and be beforehand
lOt OIL BLAS.
with the' traitor in the pledge of our transferred affec-
tions.' Don George, transported with joy at this change,
embraced his daughter, extolled her spirit to the skies,
and hastened the necessary preparations, with all the
self-complacency of a successful plotter.
" Thus was Donna Helena snatched from me. She
threw herself into the arms of Combados in a pet, not
listening to the secret whispers of love within her breast,
nor suspecting a story which ought to have seemed so *
improbable in the annals of true passion. The haughty
are always the victims of their own rash conclusions.
Resentment of insulted beauty triumphed wholly over
the suggestions of tenderness. And yet, a few days after
marriage, there came over her some feelings of remorse
for her precipitation : it struck her that the letter might
have been a forgery ; and the very possibility disturbed
her peace. But the enamoured Don Bias left his wife
no time to nurse up thoughts injurious to their new-found
joys ; a succession of gayety and pleasure kept her in a
thoughtless whirl, and shielded her from the pangs of
unavailing repentance.
"She appeared to be in high good-humour with so
spirit-stirring a husband ; so that they were living to-
gether in perfect unanimity, when my aunt adjusted my
affair with Don Austin's relations. Of this she wrote
me word to Italy. I returned on the wings of love.
Donna Eleonora, not having announced the marriage,
informed me of it on my arrival ; and remarking what
pain it gave me, said, ' You are in the wrong, nephew,
to show so much feeling for a faithless fair. Banish
from your memory a person so unworthy to share in its
tender recollections.'
" As my aunt did not know how Donna Helena had
been played upon, she had reason to talk as she did ;
nor could she have given me better advice. To affect
indifference, if not to conquer my passion, was my
bounden duty. Yet there could be no harm in just in-
quiring by what means this union had been brought to
bear. To get at the truth, I determined on applying to
Felicia's friend, Theodora. There I met with Felicia
herself, who was confounded at nay unwelcome pres-
ence, and would have escaped from the necessity of
explanation. But I stopped her. ' Why do you avoid
me?' said I. 'Has your perjured mistress forbidden
you to give ear to my complaints ? or would you make
GIL BLAST. 103
a merit with the ungrateful woman of your voluntary
refusal?'
Sir,' answered the plotting abigail, ' I confess my
fault, and throw myself on your mercy. Your appear-
ance here has filled me with remorse. My mistress has
been betrayed ; and, unhappily, in part, by my agency.'
The particulars of their infernal device followed tnis
avowal, with an endeavour to make me amends for its
lamentable consequence. To this effect, she offered me
her services with her mistress, and promised to unde-
ceive her ; in a word, to work night and day, that she
might soften the rigour of my sufferings, and open the
career of hope.
" 1 pass over the numberless contradictions she expe-
rienced, before she could accomplish the pojected in-
terview. It was at length arranged to admit me pri-
vately, while Don Bias was at his hunting-seat. The
plot did not linger. The husband went into the coun-
try, and they sent for me to his lady's apartment.
" My onset was reproachful in the extreme ; but my
mouth was soon shut upon the subject. ' It is useless
to look back upon the past,' said the lady. ' It can be
no part of our present intention to work upon each
other's feeling3 ; and you are grievously mistaken if you
fancy me inclined to flatter your aspiring hopes. My
sole inducement for receiving you here was to tell you
personally, that you have only henceforth to forget me.
Perhaps I might have been better satisfied with my lot
had it been united with yours ; but, since heaven has
ordered it otherwise, we must submit to its decrees.'
" ' What ! madam,' answered I, ' is it not enough to
have lost you, to see my successful rival in quiet pos-
session of all my soul holds dear, but I must also banish
you from my thoughts ? You would tear from me even
my passion, my only remaining blessing ! And think
you that a man, whom you have once enchanted, can
recover his self-possession 1 Know yourself better, and
cease to enforce impracticable behests.' ' Well, then t
if so,' rejoined she, with hurried importunity, do you
cease to flatter yourself with interesting my gratitude or
my pity. In one short word, the wife of Don Bias shall
never be the mistress of Don Gaston. Let us at once
end a conversation at which delicacy revolts in spite of
virtue, and peremptorily forbids its longer continuance?
" I now threw myself at the lady's feet in despair. All
Vol. II. I 17
- *
,+ *
194 GIL BLAS
the powers of language and of tears were called forth to
soften her. But even this served only to excite some
inbred sentiments of compassion, stifled as soon as
born, and sacrificed at the shrine of duty. After having
fruitlessly exhausted all my stores of tender persua-
sion, rage took possession of my breast. I drew ray
sword, and would have fallen on its point before the in-
exorable Helena: but she saw my design, and prevented
it. ' Stay your rash hand, Cogollos,' said she. ' Is it
thus that you consult my reputation 1 In dying thus
and here, you will brand me with dishonour, and my hus-
band with the imputation of murder.'
44 In the agony of my despair, far from yielding to
these suggestions, I only struggled against the preven-
tive efforts of the two women, and should have strug-
gled too successfully, if Don Bias had not appeared to
second them. He had been apprized of our assigna-
tion ; and, instead of going into the country, had con-
cealed himself behind the hangings to overhear our con-
ference. * Don Gaston,' cried he, as he arrested my
uplifted arm, ' recall your scattered senses, and no longer
give a loose to these mad transports.'
" Here I could hold no longer. * Is it for you,' said I,
'to turn me from my resolution? You ought rather
yourself to plunge a dagger in my bosom. My love,
with all its train of miseries, is an insult to you. Have
you not surprised me in your wife's apartment at this
unseasonable hour ? what greater provocation can you
want for your revenge ? Stab me, and rid yourself of a
man who can only give up the adoration of Donna Hel-
ena with his life.' ' It is in vain,' answered Don Blag,
* that you endeavour to interest my honour in your de*
struction. You are sufficiently punished for your rash-
ness ; and my wife's imprudence, in giving you this op-
portunity of indulging it, is sanctified by the purity of
her sentiments. Take my advice, Cogollos : shrink not
effeminately from your wayward destiny, but bear up
against it with the patient courage of a hero.'
44 The prudent Galician, by such language, gradually
composed the ferment of my mind, and waked me once
more to virtue. I withdrew in the determination of re-
moving far from the scene of my folly, and went for
Madrid two days afterward. There, pursuing the ca-
reer of fortune and preferment, I appeared at court, and
laid myself out for connexions. But it was my ill-luck
#
GIL BLAS. * 195
to attach myself particularly to the Marquis of Villareal,
a Portuguese grandee, who, lying under a suspicion of
intending to emancipate his country from the Spanish
yoke, is now in the Castle of Alieant. As the Duke of
Lerma knew me to be closely connected with this noble-
man, he gave orders for my arrest and detention here.
That minister thought me capable of engaging in such
a project ; he could not have offered a more outrageous
affront to a man of noble birth and a Castilian."
Don Gaston thus ended his story. By way of conso-
lation, I said to him, " Illustrious sir, your honour can
receive no taint from this temporary detainer, and your
interest will probably be promoted by it in the end.
When the Duke of Lerma shall be convinced of your
innocence, he will not fail to give you a considerable
post, and thus retrieve the character of a gentleman un-
justly accused of treason."
CHAPTER VII.
SCIPIO FINDS OIL BLAS OUT IN THE TOWER OF SEGOVIA, AND
BRINGS HIM A BUDGET OF NEWS.
Our conversation was interrupted by Tordesillas, who
came into the room, and addressed me thus : " Signor
Gil Bias, 1 have just been speaking with a young man
at the prison gate. He inquired if you were not here ;
ao^d looked much mortified at my refusal td satisfy hi*,
curiosity. * Noble governor,' said he, with tears in his
eyes, ' do not reject my most humble petition. I am
Signor de Santillane's principal domestic, and you will
do an act of charity by allowing me to see him. You
pass for a kind-hearted gentleman in Segovia : 1 hope
you trill not deny me the favour of conversing for a few
minutes with my dear master, who is unfortunate rather
than criminal.' In short," continued Don Andrew, " the
lad was so importunate that I promised to comply with
his wishes this evening."
1 assured Tordesillas that he could not have pleased
^ me better than by bringing this young man to me, who
could probably communicate tidings of the last impor-
tance. 1 waited with impatience for the entrance of my
faithful Scipio, since I could not doubt him to be the
man: nor was I mistaken in my conjecture. He waa
12
106 GIL BLA3.
introduced at the time appointed ; and his joy, which
only mine could equal, broke forth into the most whim-
sical demonstrations. On my side, in the ecstasy of de-
light, 1 stretched out my arms to him, and he rushed
into them with no courtly measured embrace. All
distinctions of master and dependant were levelled in
the sympathetic rapture of our meeting.
When our transports had subsided a little, I inquired
into the state of my household. "You have neither
household nor house," answered he : " to spare you a
long string of questions, I will sum up your worldly
concerns in two words. Your property has been pil-
laged at both ends ; both by the banditti of the law, and
by your own retainers, who, regarding you as a ruined
man, paid themselves their own wages out of whatever
they found that' was portable. Luckily for you, 1 had
the dexterity to save from their harpy clutches two
large bags of double pistoles. Salero, in whose custody
I deposited them, will make restitution on your release,
which cannot be far distant, as you were put upon his
majesty's pension list of prisoners without the Duke of
Lerma's knowledge or consent."
I asked Scipio how he knew his excellency to have
had no share in my arrest. " You may depend on it,"
answered he : " my information is undeniable. One of
my friends in the Duke of Uzeda's confidence acquainted
me with all the circumstances of your imprisonment.
Calderona, having discovered by a spy that Signora
Sirena, with the ljandle of an alias to her name, was re-
ceiving night visits from the Prince of Spain, and that
the Count de Lemos managed that intrigue by the pan*
darism of Signor de Santillane, determined to be re-
venged on the whole knot. To this end, he waited on0
the Duke of Uzeda, and discovered the whole affair.
The duke, overjoyed at such a fine opportunity of ruin-
ing his enemy, did not fail to bestir himself. He laid
his information before the king, and painted the prince's
danger in the most lively colours. His majesty was
much angered, and showed that he was so, by sending
Siren a to the nunnery provided for such frail sisters,
banishing the Count de Lemos, and condemning Gil
Bias to perpetual imprisonment.
" This," pursued Scipio, " is what my friend told me.
Hence, you gather your misfortune to be the Duke of
Uzeda's handiwork, or, rather, Calderona's."
GIL BLAS, 197
Thus it seemed probable that my affairs might be
instated in time ; that the Duke of Lerma, chagrined at
his nephew's banishment, would move heaven and earth
for that nobleman's recall ; and it might not be too much
to expect that his excellency would not forget me.
What a delicate gipsy is hope ! She wheedled me out
of all anxiety about my shattered fortunes, and made me
as light-hearted as if I had good reason to be so. My
prison looked, not like a dungeon of perpetual misery,
but like the vestibule of a more distinguished station.
For thus ran the train of my reasoning : Don Fernando
Borgia, Father Jerome of Florence, and, more than all,
Friar Louis of Aliaga, who may thank him for his place
about the king's person, are the prime minister's parti-
sans. With the aid of such powerful friends, his excel-
lency will bear down all opposition, even supposing no
change to take place in* the political barometer. But his
majesty's health is very precarious. The first act of a
new reign would be to recall the CoTmt de Lemos : he
would not feel himself at home in the young monarch's
presence till he had introduced me at court ; and the
young monarch would not sit easy on his throne till he
had showered benefits on my head. Thus, feasting by
anticipation on the pleasures of futurity, 1 became cal-
lous to existing evils. The two bags, snug in the gold-
smith's custody, were no bad doubles to the part which
hope acted in this shifting pantomime.
It was impossible not to express my gratitude to
Scipio for his zeal and honesty. I offered him half the
salvage, but he rejected it. "I expect," said he, "a
very different acknowledgment." Astonished as much
at his mysterious claim as at his refusal, I asked what
*i more 1 could do for him. " Let us never part," answer-
ed he. " Allow me to link my fate with yours. I feel
for you what I never felt for any other master." " And
on my part, my good fellow," said 1, " you may rest
assured that your attachment is not thrown away. You
caught my fancy at first sight. We must have been born
under Libra or Gemini, where friendship is lord of the
ascendant. I willingly accept your proffered partner-
ship, and will commence business by prevailing with
the warden to immure you along with me in this tower."
"That is the very thing," exclaimed he. "You
were beforehand with me, for I was just going to beg
that favour* Your company is dearer to me than lib*
17*
198 tJIL BLAS.
erty itself. I shall only just go to Madrid now and then,
to snuff the gale of the ministerial atmosphere, and try
whether any scent lies which may be favourable for
your pursuit. Thus will you combine in me a bosom
friend, a trusty messenger, and an unsuspected spy."
These advantages were too important for me to forego
them. I therefore kept so useful a person about me,
with leave of the obliging warden, who would not stand
in the way of so soothing a relief to the weariness of
solitude.
CHAPTER VIII.
CIFIO'S FIRST JOURNEY TO MADRID! ITS ORJECT AND SUC-
CESS. OIL BLAS FALLS 81CX. *THE CONSEQUENCE OF KB
ILLNESS.
If it is a common proverb, that our direct enemies are
those of our own household, the converse ought equally
to be admitted among the saws of a more candid expe-
rience. After such incontestible proofs of Scipio's zeal,
he became like another self. All distinction of place was
confounded between Gil Bias and his secretary; all
insolence was dropped on the one hand, all cringing
on the other. Their lodging, bed, and board were in
common.
Scipio's conversation was of a very lively turn : he
might have been dubbed the Spanish Momus, without
any derogation to the Punch of the Pantheon. But he
had a long head, as well as a fanciful brain ; combining
the character of counsellor and jester. " My friend,"
said I one day, " what do you think of writing to the
Duke of Lerma T It could, methinks, do no harm."
' Why, as to that," answered he, " the great are such
chameleons, that there is no knowing where to have
them. At all events, you may risk it : though I would
not lay the postage of your letter on its success. The
minister loves you, it is true : but, then, political love
lacks memory, as much as personal love lacks visual
discrimination. Out of sight out of mind! is at once
the motto and the stigma of these gentry."
M True as this may be in general," replied I, " my pat-
ron is a glorious exception, His kindness lives in my
OIL BLA8. 199
recollection. I am persuaded that he suffers for my suf-
ferings, and that they are incessantly preying on his
spirits. We must give him credit for only waiting till
the Jung's anger shall pass away." " Be it so," resumed
he ; " I wish you may not reckon without your host.
Assail his excellency, then, with an epistle to stir the
waters. I will engage to deliver it into his own hands."
Pen, ink, and paper being brought, I composed a speci-
men of eloquence which Scipio declared to be a para-
gon of pathos, and Tordesillas preferred, for the cant
of sermonizing prolixity, to the old archbishop's hom~
ilies.
I flattered myself that there would be tears in the
Duke of Lerma's eyes, and distraction in his aspect, at
the detail of miseries which existed only on paper. In
that assurance, 1 despatched my messenger, who no
sooner got to Madrid, than he went to the minister's.
Meeting with an old domestic of my acquaintance, he
had no difficulty in gaining access to the duke. " My
lord," said Scipio to his excellency, as he delivered the
Eacket, " one of your most devoted servants, lying at
is length on straw, in a damp and dreary dungeon at
Segovia, most humbly supplicates for the perusal of this
letter, which a tender-hearted turnkey has furnished him
with the means of writing." The minister opened the
letter, and glanced over the contents. But though he
found there a motive and a cue for passion, enough to
amaze all his faculties at once, far from drowning the
floor with briny secretions, he cleaved the ear of his
household, and smote the heart of my courier with this
horrid speech : " Friend, tell Santillane that he has a
great deal of impudence to address me, after so rank an
offence, worthily confronted by the severe sentence of
the king. Under that sentence let the wretch drag out
his days, nor look to my mediation for a respite."
Scipio, though neither dull nor muddy-mettled, began
to be unpregnant of this defeated cause. Yet he was
not so pigeon-livered as to retire without an effort in
ray favour. " My lord," replied he, " this poor prisoner
will give up the ghost with grief at the recital of your
excellency's displeasure." The duke answered like a
prime minister, with a supercilious corrugation of fea-
tures, and a decisive revolution of his front to some
more prosperous suiter. This he did to cover his own
share in the shame of pimping; and such treatment.
200 GIL BLA*.
must all those hireling scavengers expect, who rake in
the filth and ordure of rotten statesmen, courtiers, and
politicians.
My secretary came back to Segovia, and delivered
the result of his mission. And now behold me sunk
deeper than on the first day of my imprisonment in the
gulf of affliction and despair ! The Duke of Lerma's
turning king's evidence gave a hanging posture to my
affairs. My courage was run out ; and, though they did
all they could to keep up my spirits, the agitation and
distress of my mind threw me into a fever.
The warden, who took a lively interest in my recov-
ery, fancying in his unmedical head that physicians cured
fevers, brought me a double dose of death in two of that
doleful deity's most practised executioners. "Signor
Oil Bias," said he, as he ushered in their grisly forms,
" here are two godsons of Hippocrates, who are come to
feel your pulse, and to augment the number of their tro-
phies in your person." I was so prejudiced against the
whole faculty, that I should certainly have given them
a very discouraging reception, had life retained its usual
charms in my estimation : but, being bent on my depar-
ture from this vale of tears, I felt obliged to Tordesillas
for hastening my journey, by a safer conveyance than
the crime of suicide.
" My good sir," said one of the pair, " your recovery
will, under Providence, depend on your entire confidence
in our skill." " Implicit confidence !" answered I :
" with your assistance, I am fully persuaded that a few
days will place me beyond the reach of fever, and all the
shocks that flesh is heir to." " Yes ! with the blessing
of heaven," rejoined he, "it is a consummation de-
voutly to be wished, and easily to be effected. At all *
events, our best endeavours shall not be wanting."
And indeed it was no joke : for they got me into such
fine training for the other world, that few of my material
particles were left in this. Already had Don Andrew,
observing me fumble with the sheets, and smile upon
my fingers' ends, and thinking there was but one way,
sent for a Franciscan to show it me : already had the
good father, having mumbled over the salvation of my
soul, retired to the refection of his own body : and my
own opinion leaned to the immediate necessity of ma-
king a good end. I beckoned Scipio to my bedside.
*My dear friend," said I, in the faint accents of a tor-
Gil blas. 201
tured and evacuated patient, " I give and bequeath to
you one of the bags in Gabriel's possession ; the other
you must carry to my father and mother in the Astu-
rias, who, if still living, must be in narrow circumstan-
ces. But, alas ! 1 fear they have not been able to bear
up against my ingratitude. Muscada's report of my un-
natural behaviour must have brought their gray hairs
with sorrow to the grave. Should heaven have fortified
their tender hearts against my indifference, you will
give them the bag of doubloons, with assurances of my
dying remorse : and, if they are no more, I charge you
to lay out the money in masses for the repose of their
souls and of mine." Then did I stretch out my hand,
which he bathed in silent tears. It is not always true,
that the mourning of an heir is mirth in masquerade.
For some hours, I fancied myself outward-bound, and
on the point of sailing; but the wind changed. My
pilots having quitted the helm, and left the vessel to the
steerage of nature, the danger of shipwreck disappear-
ed. The fever, mutinying against its commanding offi-
cers, gave all their prognostics the lie, and acted con-
trary to general orders. I got better by degrees, in
mind as well as in body. My consolation was all de-
rived from within. I looked at wealth and honours
with the eye of a dying anchorite, and blessed the mal-
ady which restored my soul. I abjured courts, politics,
and the Duke of Lerma. If ever my prison doors were
opened, it was my fixed resolve to buy a cottage, and
live like a philosopher.
My bosom friend applauded my design, and, to further
its execution, undertook a second journey to solicit my
release, by the intervention of a clever girl about the per-
son of the prince's nurse. He contended that a prison
was a prison still, in spite of kind indulgence and good
cheer* In this I agreed, and gave him leave to depart,
with a fervent prayer to heaven that we might soon take
possession of our hermitage. *
13
903 - - GIL BLAS.
CHAPTER IX.
OCIPIo'g SECOND JOURNEY TO MADRID. GIL BLAS IS SET AT
LIBERTY ON CERTAIN CONDITIONS. THEIR DEPARTURE
FROM THE TOWER OF SEGOVIA, AND CONVERSATION ON
THEIR JOURNEY.
While waiting for Scipio's return from Madrid, I be-
gan a course of study. Tordesillas furnished me with
more books than I wanted. He borrowed them from an
old officer who could not read, but had fitted up a mag-
nificent library, that he might pas3 for a man of learn-
ing. Above all, I delighted in moral essays and trea-
tises, because they abounded in commonplaces, accord-
ing with my antipathy to courts, and philosophic relish
of solitude.
Three weeks elapsed before I heard a syllable from
my negotiator, who returned at length with a cheerful
countenance, and news to the following effect. " By
the intercession of a hundred pistoles with the chamber-
maid, and her intercession with her mistress, the Prince
of Spain has been prevailed with to plead for your en-
largement with his royal father. I hastened hither to
announce these happy tidings, and must return immedi-
ately to put the last hand to my work." With these
words he left me, and went back to court.
At the week's end my expeditious agent returned,
with the intelligence that the prince had procured ray
liberty, not without some difficulty. On the same day,
my generous keeper confirmed the assurance in person,
with the kindest congratulations, and the following no-
tice : ' Your prison doors are open ; but on two con-
ditions, which I am sorry that my duty obliges me to
announce, because they will probably be disagreeable to
you. His majesty expressly forbids you to show your
face at court, or to be found within the limits of the two
Castiles on this day month. I am extremely sorry that
you are interdicted from court." " And I am delighted
at it," answered I. " Witness all the powers above ! I
asked the king for only one favour ; he has granted me
*wo."
CHIr BLAS. 80S
With my liberty thus confirmed, I hired a couple
of mules, on which we mounted the next day, after taking
leave of Cogollos, and thanking Tordesillas a thousand
times for all his instances of friendship. We set for-
ward cheerfully on the road to Madrid, to draw our de~
posite out of Signor Gabriel's hands, amounting to a thou-
sand doubloons. On the road, my fellow-traveller ob-
served, " If we are not rich enough to purchase a splen-
did property, we can at least secure ease and competen-
cy to ourselves." "A cabin," answered I, "would be
large enough for my most ambitious thoughts. Though
scarcely at the middle period of fife, the world has lest
its charms for me ; its hopes, its fears, its cares, its du-
ties, are all absorbed in the selfishness of philosophical
retirement. Independently of these principles, I can
assure you, I have painted for myself a rural landscape,
with a foreground of innocent pleasures, and pastoral
simplicity in the perspective. Already does the enamel
of the meadows glitter under my eyes : already does
the river's murmur accord with the winged chorus of
the grove : hunting exasperates the manly virtues, and
fishing preaches patience. Only figure to yourself, my
friend, what a continual round of amusement solitude
may furnish, and you will pant to be admitted of her
crew. Then for the economy of our table, the simplest
will be the cheapest, and of course the best. Unadul-
terated Ceres shall be our official caterer : when hunger
shall have tamed our fastidious appetites into sobriety,
a mumbled crust will relish like an ortolan. The su-
preme delight of eating is not in the thing eat, but in the
palate of him who eats ; a proposition in culinary philos-
ophy, proved by the frequent loathing of my own stom-
ach, through a long series of ministerial dinners. Ab-
stemiousness is a luxury of the most exquisite refine-
ment, and the best recipe in the materia medica."
" With your good leave, Signor Gil Bias," interrupted
my secretary, " I am not altogether of your mind re-
specting the luscious treat of abstemiousness. Why
should we mess like the bankrupt sages of antiquity ?
Surely we may indulge the carnal man a little, without
any reasonable offence to the spiritual. Since we have,
by the blessing of Providence and my forecast, where-
withal to keep the spit and the spigot in exercise, do not
let us take up our abode with famine and wretchedness.
As soon as we get settled, we must stock our cellar, and
SM GIL BLAS.
establish a respectable larder, like people who know
what is what, and do not separate themselves from the
vulgar crowd to renounce the good things of this life,
but to taste them with a more exquisite relish. As
Hesiod says,
Enjoy thy riches with a liberal soul ;
Plenteous the feast, and smiling be the bowl.'
And again,
" ' To stint the wine a frugal husband shows,
' When from the middle of the cask it flows.' "
" What the devil, Master Scipio," interrupted I in my
torn, " you can cap verses out of the Greek poets !
And pray where did you get acquainted with Hesiod ?"
** In very learned company," answered he. " I lived
some time with a walking dictionary at Salamanca ; a
fellow up to the elbows in quotation and commentary.
He could put a large volume together like a house of
cards. His library furnished him with a hodge-podge
of Hebrew, Greek, and Latin commonplaces, which he
translated into buckram Castilian. As I was his trans-
criber, some tags of verses, stings of epigrams, and
sage truisms, stuck by the way." " With such an ap-
paratus, 1 ' replied I, " your memory must be most philo-
sophically stocked. But, not to lose sight of our future
prospects, whereabouts in Spain had we best fix our
Socratic abode ?" " My voice is for Arragon," resumed
my counsellor. " We shall there enjoy all the beauties
of nature, and lead the life of Paradise. 1 ' " Well, then,
for Arragon !" said I. " May it teem with all the dear
delights that youthful poets fancy when they dream 1"
CHAPTER X.
THEIR DOtMOS AT MADRID. THE RENCOUNTER OF OIL BLAS IN
THE STREET, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES.
On our arrival in Madrid, we alighted at a little pub-
lic house where Scipio had been accustomed to put up ;
whence our first visit was to my banker, Salero. He
received us very cordially, and expressed the highest
satisfaction at my release. " Indeed," added he, " your
untoward fate touched me so nearly as to change my
GIL BLA6. 205
views of a political alliance. The fortunes of courtiers
are like castles uvthe air : so I have married my daugh-
ter Gabriela to a wealthy trader." " You have acted
very wisely," answered 1 ; " for, besides that a bird in
the hand is worth wo in a bush, when a plodding citi-
zen aspires to the honour of bringing a man of fashion
into his family, he very often has an impertinent puppy
for his son-in-law."
Then changing the topic, and coming to the point,
" Signor Gabriel," pursued I, " we came to talk a little
about the two thousand pistoles which " " Your
money is all ready," said the goldsmith, interrupting
me. He then took us into his closet, and delivered the
two bags, carefully labelled with my name on them.
I thanked Salero for his exactness, and heaven in my
sleeve for my escape from his daughter. At our inn
we counted over the money, and found it right, deduct-
ing fifty doubloons for the expenses of my enlargement.
Our thoughts were now wholly bent upon Arragon. My
secretary undertook to buy a carriage and two mules.
It was my office to provide household and body linen.
During my peregrinations for that purpose, 1 met Baron
Steinbach, the officer in the German guards with whom
Don Alphonso had been brought up.
I touched my hat to him : he knew me again, and
returned my greeting warmly. " My joy is extreme,"
said I, " at seeing your lordship in such fine health, to
say nothing of my wish to inquire after Don Cesar
and Don Alphonso de Leyva." " They are both in
Madrid," answered he, " and staying at my house. They
came to town about three months ago, to be presented
on occasion of Don Alphonso's promotion. He has
been appointed governor of Valencia, on the score of
old family claims, without having in any shape pushed
his interest at court. Nothing could be more grateful
to his feelings, or prove more strongly our royal mas-
ter's goodness, who delights to recognise the merits of
ancestry in the persons of their descendants."
Though I knew more of this matter than Steinbach, I
kept my knowledge in the back-ground. Yet so lively
was my impatience to hail my old masters, that he
would not damp my ardour by delay. I had a mind to
try Don Alphonso, whether he still retained his regard
for me. He was playing at chess with Baroness Stein-
bach. On my entrance, he started up from his game,
18
206 GIL BLAB.
ran towards me, and squeezing me tight in his embrace,
" Santillane," said he, with demonstrations of the sin*
cerest joy, " at length then you are restored to my heart.
I am delighted at it ! It was not my fault that we ever
parted. You may remember how strongly I urged you
not to withdraw from the Castle of Leyva. You were
deaf to my entreaties. But I must not chide your ob-
stinacy, because its motive was the peace of the family.
Yet you ought to have let me hear from you, and to
have spared my fruitless inquiries at Grenada, where *
my brother-in-law, Don Ferdinand, sent me word that
you were.
"And now tell me what you are doing at Madrid.
Of course you have some situation here. Be assured
that I shall always take a lively interest in your con-
cerns." " Sir," answered I, " it is but four months since
I occupied a considerable post at court. 1 had the hon-
our of being the Duke of Lerma's confidential secreta-
ry. n ' Can it be possible !" exclaimed Don Alphonso,
as if he could scarcely believe his ears. " What ! were
you so near the person of the prime minister ?" I then
related how I had gained and lost his favour, and ended
with avowing my determination to buy a cottage and
garden with the wreck of my shattered fortunes.
The son of Don Cesar heard me attentively, and
made this answer : " My dear Gil Bias, you know how I
have always loved you ; nor shall you longer be for-
tune's puppet. I will set you above her vagaries, by
securing you an independence. Since you declare for
a country life, a little estate of ours near Lirias, about
four leagues from Valencia, shall be settled on you.
You are acquainted with the spot. Such a present we
can make, without putting ourselves to the least incon-
venience. I can answer for my father's joining in the
act, and for Seraphina's entire approbation."
1 threw myself at Don Alphonso's feet, who raised
me immediately. More penetrated by his affection than
by his bounty, I pressed his hand, and said, " Sir, your
conduct charms me. Your noble gift is the more wel-
come, as it precedes the knowledge of a service it has
been in my power to render you ; and I had rather owe
it to your generosity than to your gratitude." This
governor of my making did not know what to under-
stand by the hint, and pressed me for an explanation.
I gave it in full, U his utter astonishment. Neither he
GIL BLAS. SOT
nor Baron Steinbach could ever have the slightest sus-
picion that the government of Valencia was owing to
my interest at court. Yet, having no reason to doubt
the fact, my friend proposed to grant me an annuity of
two thousand ducats, in addition to the little farm at
Lirias.
" Hold your hand, Signor Don Alphonso !" exclaimed
I at this offer. " You must not set my avarice afloat
again. I am myself a living witness, that fortune may
give superfluities to her favourites, but has no compe-
tence to bestow. With pleasure will I accept of the
estate at Lirias, where my present property will be suf-
ficient for all my wants. Rather than increase my
cares with my possessions, I would build an hospital out
of my existing funds. Riches are a burden, and it
must be a foolish animal that would bear fardels in the
manger or the field."
While we were talking after this fashion, Don Cesar
came in. His joy was not less than his son's at the
sight of me ; and being informed of the family obliga-
tions, he again pressed me to accept of the annuity,
which I again refused. When the writings were drawn,
the father and son made the assignment their joint act
and deed, transferring to me the fee-simple, and putting
me in immediate possession. My secretary half stared
the eyes out of his head when I told him that we had
a landed estate of our own, and how we came by it.
* What is the value of this little freehold 1" said he.
" Five hundred ducats per annum," answered I, " and
the farm in high cultivation, within a ring-fence. I
have often been there during my stewardship. There
is a small house on the banks of the Guadalaviar, in a
little hamlet surrounded by a charming country."
" What pleases me better than all," cried Scipio, " is,
that we shall have plenty of sporting, rare living, and
excellent wine. Come, master, let us leave this crowd-
ed city and hasten to our hermitage." " I long to be
there as much as you can do," answered I; "but I
must first go to the Asturias. My father and mother
are not in comfortable circumstances. They shall
therefore end their days with me at Lirias. Heaven,
perhaps, has thrown this windfall in my way to try my
filial duty, and would punish me for the neglect of it."
Scipio approved my purpose, and urged its speedy exe-
cution, " Yes, my friend," said I, " we will set out as
&08 GIL BLAS.
soon as possible. I shall consider it as my dear delight
to share the gifts of fortune with the authors of my
existence. We shall soon be settled in our country
' retreat ; and then will I write these two Latin, verses
over the door of my farmhouse, in letters of gold, for
the pious edification of my rustic neighbours:
" * Inveni portum. Spes et fortuna, valete.
Sat me lusistes ; ludite nunc alios.' "
BOOK IV.
CHAPTER I.
OIL BLAS SETS OUT FOR THE ASTURIA8, AND PASSES THROUGH
VALLADOLID, WHERE HE GOES TO SEE HIS OLD MASTER,
DOCTOR BANGRADO. BV ACCIDENT HE COMES ACROSS SIONOR
MANUEL ORDONNEZ, GOVERNOR OF THE HOSPITAL.
Just as I was arranging matters to take my departure
from Madrid, and go with Scipio to the Asturias, Paul
the Fifth gave the Duke of Lerma a cardinal's hat.
This pope, wishing to establish the inquisition in the
kingdom of Naples, invested the minister with the pur-
ple, and by that means hoped to bring King Philip over
to so pious and praiseworthy a design. Those who
were best acquainted with this new member of the sa-
cred college, thought, much like myself, that the church
was in a fair way for apostolical purity, after so ghostly
an acquisition.
Scipio, who would have liked better to see me once
more blazing at court than either cloistered or rusti-
cated, advised me to show my face at the cardinal's
audience. " Perhaps," said he, " his eminence, finding
you at large by the king's order, may think it unneces-
sary to affect any further displeasure against you, and
may even reinstate you in his service." " My good
friend Scipio," answered I, " you seem to forget that
my liberty was granted only on condition of malting
myself scarce in the two Castiles. Besides, can you
suppose me so soon inclined to become an absentee
from my domain of Lirias % I have told you before,
GIL BLAS. 209
and I tell it you once again though the Duke of Lerma
should restore me to his good graces, though he should
even offer me Don Rodrigo de Calderona's place, I
would refuse it. My resolution is taken ; I mean to go
and find out my parents at Oviedo, and carry them with
me to Valencia. As for you, my good fellow, if yon
repent of having linked your fate with mine, you have
only to say so ; I am ready to give you half of my
ready money, and you may stay at Madrid, where for-
tune puts on her kindest smiles to those who woo her
lustily."
" What, then !" replied my secretary, a little affected
by these words, " can you suspect me of any unwilling-
ness to follow you into your retreat ? The very idea
is an injury to my zeal and my attachment. What!
Scipio, that faithful appendage, who would willingly have
passed the remnant of his days with you in the tower
of Segovia, rather than abandon you to your wretched
fate, can he feel sorrgwful at the prospect of an abode
where a thousand rural delights are waiting to smile on
his arrival * No, no ; I have not a wish to turn you aside
from your resolution. Nor can I refrain from owning
my malicious drift ; when I advised you to show your
face at the Duke of Lerma's audience, it was for the
..purpose of ascertaining whether any seedlings of arabi-
K lion were scattered among the fallows of your philoso-
phy. Since that point is settled, and you are mortified
to all the pomps and vanities of the world, let us make
the best of our way from court, to go and suck in with
Zephyrus and Flora the innocent delicious pleasures so
luxuriant in the nursery of our imaginations."
In fact, we soon afterward took our departure together,
in a chaise drawn by two good mules, driven by a postill-
ion whom I had added to my establishment. We stop-
ped the first day at Alcala de Henares, and the second
at Segovia, whence, without stopping to see our gener-
ous warden, Tordesillas, we went forward to Penafiel
on the Duero, and the next day to Valladolid. At sight
of this last town, I could not help fetching a deep sigh.
My companion, surprised at that conscientious ventila*
tion, inquired the reason of it. " My good fellow," said
I, " it is because I practised medicine here for a long
time. It gives me the horrors even now to think of my
unexpiated murders. The whole list of killed and
wounded are mustered in battle array yonder; the ton*
18*
$10 OIL BLAS.
and the hospital yawn with their disgorged inhabitants,
who are rushing on to tear me piecemeal, and exact the
vengeance due to the drenched crew." " What a dread-
ful fancy !" said my secretary. " In truth, Signor de
Santillane, your nature is too tender. Why should you
be shocked at the common course of exchange in your
branch of trade 1 Look at all the oldest physicians:
their withers are unwrung. What can exceed the self-
complacency with which they view the exits of patients,
and the entrances of diseases! Natural constitution
bears the brunt of all their failures, and medical infalli-
bility takes the credit of lucky accidents."
" It is very true," replied I, " that Doctor Sangrado,
on whose practice I formed myself, was like the rest of
the old physicians in point of self-complacency. It was
to little purpose that twenty people in a day yielded to
his prowess ; he was so persuaded that bleeding in the
arm and copious libations of warm water were specifics
for every case, that, instead of joubting whether the
death of his patients might hot possibly invalidate the
efficacy of his prescriptions, he ascribed the result to a
vacillating compliance with his system."" By all the
powers !" cried Scipio, with a burst of laughter, " you
open to me an incomparable character." " If you have
any curiosity to be better acquainted with him," said I,
" it may be gratified to-morrow, should Sangrado be still
living, and resident at Valladolid ; but it is highly im-
Erobable, for he had one foot in the grave when I left
im several years ago."
Our first care, on putting up at the inn, was to inquire
after this doctor. We were told that he was not dead ;
but, being incapacitated by age from paying visits or any
other vigorous exertions, he had been superseded by
three or four other doctors, who had risen into repute by
a new practice, accomplishing the same end by differ-
ent means. We determined on lying by for a day at
Valladolid, as well to rest our mules as to call on Sig-
nor Sangrado. About ten o'clock next morning we
knocked at his door, and found him sitting in his elbow-
chair, with a book in his hand. He rose on our en-
trance ; advaneed to meet us with a firm step for a man
of seventy, and begged to know our business. " My
worthy and approved good master," said I, " have you
lost all recollection of an old pupil 1 There was formerly
one Gil Bias, as you may remember, a boarder in your
OIL BLAS. 211
house, and for some time your deputy."" What ! is it
you, Santillane ?" answered he, with a cordial embrace.
"I should not have known you again. It however
gives me great pleasure to see you once more. What
have you been doing since we parted ? Doubtless you
have made medicine your profession." " It was very
strongly my inclination so to do," replied I ; " but impe-
rious circumstances made me reluctantly abandon so il-
lustrious a calling."
" So much the worse," rejoined Sangrado : " with the
principles you sucked in under my tuition, you would
nave become a physician of the first skill and eminence,
with the guiding influence of heaven to defend you from
the dangerous allurements of chymistry. Ah ! my son,"
pursued he, with a mournful air, "what a change in
practice within these few years ! The whole honour and
dignity of the art is compromised. That mystery, by
whose inscrutable decrees the lives of men have in all
ages been determined, is now laid open to the rude, un-
tutored gaze of blockneads, novices, and mountebanks.
Facts are stubborn things ; and ere long the very*stones
will cry aloud against the rascality of these new practi-
tioners : lapides clamabunt ! Why, sir, there are fellows
in this town, calling themselves physicians, who drag
their degraded persons at the carrus triumphalis antimonii y
or, as it should properly be translated, the cart's tail of
antimony. Apostates from the faith of Paracelsus, idol-
aters of filthy kermes, healers at haphazard, who make
all the science of medicine to consist in the preparation
and prescription of drugs. What a change have I to an-
nounce to you ! There is not one stone left upon an-
other in the whole structure which our great predeces-
sors had raised. Bleeding in the feet, for example, sq
rarely practised in better times, is now among the fash-
ionable follies of the day. That gentle, civilized system
of evacuation which prevailed under my auspices, is sub-
verted by the reign of anarchy and emetics, of quackery
and poison. In short, chaos is come again ! Every one
orders what seems good in his own eyes ; there is no
deference to the authority of ancient wisdom : our mas-
ters are laid upon the shelf, and their axioms not one
tittle the more regarded for being delivered in languages
as defunct as the subjects of their application."
However desirable it might seem to laugh at so whim-
sical a declamation, I had the good manners to resist the
212 OIL BLAS.
impulse ; and not only that, but to inveigh bitterly against
kermes, without knowing whether it was a vegetable or
an animal, and to pour forth a commination of curses
against the authors and inventors of so diabolical an en-
gine. Scipio, observing my by-play in thi3 scene, had a
mind to come in for his share in the banter. " Most
venerable prop of the true practice," said he to Sangrado,
" as I am descended in the third generation from a phy-
sician of the old school, give me leave to join you in
your philippic against chymical conspiracies. My late
illustrious progenitor, Heaven forgive him all his sins !
was so warm a partisan of Hippocrates, that he often
came to blows with ignorant pretenders, who vomited
forth blasphemies against that high-priest of the faculty.
What is bred in the bone will not come out of the flesh :
I could willingly inflict tortures and death with my
own hands on those rash innovators, whose daring
enormities you have characterized with such accuracy
of discrimination and such force of language. When
wretches like these gain an ascendency in civilized so-
ciety, tan we wonder at the disjointed condition of the
world P
" The times are even more out of joint than you are
aware of," said the doctor. " My book against the vani-
ties and delusions of the new practice might as well
have fallen stillborn from the press ; it seems, if any
thing, to have acted by contraries, and to have exaspera-
ted heresy. The apothecaries, like the Titans of old,
heaping potion upon pill, and invading the Olympus of
medicine, think themselves fully qualified to usurp and
maintain the throne, now that it is only thought neces-
sary to set open the doors, and to drive the enemy out
at the portal or the postern by main force. They go to
the length of infusing their deadly drugs into apozenis
and cordials, and then set themselves up against the
most eminent of the fraternity. This contagion has
spread its influence even among the cloisters. There
are monks in our convents who unite surgery and phar-
macy to the labours of the confessional. Those medi-
cal baboons are always dipping their paws into chymis-
try, and inventing compositions strong enough to lay a
scene of ecclesiastical mortality in the temperate abodes
of peace and religion. Now there are in Valladolid
above sixty religious houses for both sexes : judge what
ravage must have been made there by unmerciful pump-
GIL BLAS. 213
ing: and the lancet misapplied."" Signor Sangrado,"
said I, " you are perfectly in the right to give these poi-
soners no quarter : 1 utter groan for groan with you, and
heave the philanthropic sigh over the invaded lives of
our fellow-creatures, sinking under the fell attack of so
heterodox a practice. It fills me with horror to think
what a dead weight chymistry may one day be to med-
icine, just as adulterated coin operates on national
credit. Far be that evil day from this generation."
Just at this climax of our discourse, in came an old
female servant, with a salver for the doctor, on which
was a little light roll, and a glass with two decanters, the
one filled with water, and the other with wine. After
he had eaten a slice, he washed it down with a diluted
beverage, two parts water to one of wine ; but this tem-
perate use of the %good creature did not at all save him
from the acrimony of my ridicule. " So, so, good mas-
ter doctor," said I, " you are fairly caught in the fact.
You a winebibber ! you, who have entered the lists like
a knight-errant against that unauthenticated fermenta-
tion ? you, who reached your grand climacteric on the
strength of the pure element? How long have you been
so at odds with yourself? Your time of life can be no
excuse for the alteration ; since, in one passage of your
writings, you define old age to be a natural consumption
which withers and attenuates the system : and as an
inference from that position, you reprobate the ignorance
of those writers who dignify wine with the appellation
of old men's milk. What can you say, therefore, in your
own defence ?"
" You belabour me most unjustly," answered the old
physician. " If I drank neat wine, you would have a
right to treat me as a deserter from my own standard ;
but your eyes may convince you that my wine is well
mixed." Another heresy, my dear apostle of the wells
and fountains !" replied I : " recollect how you rated the
canon Sedillo for drinking wine, though plentifully dash-
ed with the salubrious fluid. Own modestly and candid-
ly that your theory was unfounded and fanciful, and that
wine is not a poisonous liquor, as you have so falsely
and scandalously libelled it in your works, any further
than, like any other of nature's bounties, it maybe abu-
sed to excess."
This lecture sat rather uneasy on our doctor's feel-
ings, as a candidate for consistency. He could not deny
214 CHL BLAS.
his inveteracy against the use of wine in all his publica-
tions : but pride and vanity not allowing him to acknowl-
edge the justice of my attack on his apostacy, he was
left without a word to say for himself. Not wishing to
push my sarcasm beyond the bounds of good-humour, I
changed the subject ; and after a few minutes longer stay
took my leave, gravely exhorting him to maintain his
ground against the new practitioners. " Courage, Sig-
nor Sangrado !" said I : " never be weary of setting your
.wits against kermes ; and deafen the health-dispensing
tribe with your thunders against the use of bleeding in
the feet. If, spite of all your zeal and affection for med-
ical orthodoxy, this empiric generation should succeed
in supplanting true and legitimate practice, it will be at
least your consolation to have exhausted your best en-
deavours in the support of truth and reason."
As my secretary and myself were walking to the inn,
making our observations in high glee on the doctor's en-
tertaining and original character, a man from fifty-five
to sixty years of age happened to pass near us in the
street, walking with his eyes fixed on the ground, and a
large rosary in his hand. I conned over the distinctive
cut of his appearance most cunningly, and was rewarded
in the recognition of Signor Manuel Ordonnez, that
faithful trustee for the affairs of the hospital, of whom
so honourable mention is made in the first volume of
these true and instructive memoirs. Accosting him with
the most profound and unquestionable tokens of respect,
I paid my compliments in due form and order to the
venerable and trustworthy Signor Manuel Ordonnez,
the man of all the world in whose hands the interests
of the poor and needy are most safely and beneficially
placed. At these words he looked me steadfastly in the
face, and answered that my features were not altogether
strange to him, but that he could not recollect where he
had seen me. " I used to go backwards and forwards
to your house," replied I, " when one of my friends, by
name Fabricio Nunez, was in your service." " Ah ! I
recollect the circumstance at once," rejoined the worthy
director, with a cunning leer, " and have good reason to
do so ; for you were a brace of pleasant lads, and were
by no means backward in the little scapegrace tricks
of youth and inexperience. Well ! and what is become of
r)or Fabricio ? Whenever he comes across my thoughts,
cannot help feeling a little uneasy about his temporal
and eternal welfare." -
GIL BLAS. 815
11 It was to relieve your mind upon that subject, 9 ' said
I to Signor Manuel, " that I have taken the liberty of
stopping you in the street. Fabricio is settled at Mad-
rid, where he employs himself in publishing miscella-
nies and collections." " What do you mean by miscel-
lanies and collections ?" replied he. " I mean,' 1 resumed
I, " that he writes in verse and prose, from epic poems
and the highest branches of philosophy, down to plays,
novels, epigrams, and riddles. In short, he is a lad of
universal genius and most exemplary benevolence;
sometimes modestly taking to himself the credit of his
own compositions, and sometimes lending out his tal-
ents to the literary ambition of those noblemen who
write for their own amusement, but wish their names to
be concealed, except from a chosen circle. By traffic
like this, he sits at the very first tables." " But how
does he sit at his own 1" said the director : " upon what
terms does he live with his baker V "Not quite so
confidentially as with people of fashion," answered I ;
" for, between ourselves, I take him to be quite as much
out at elbows as ever Job was." "More bonds and
judgments against him than ever Job had, take my
word for it!" replied Ordonnez. "Let him lick the
spittle of his titled friends and patrons till his stomach
heaves at the nauseating saliva ; his printed dedications
and his oral flattery, in spite of all the cringing and all
the toad-eating, which constitute the stock in trade of
his profession, with ail the profits of his works, whether
by subscription or ordinary publication, will not bring
grist enough to .his mill to keep hunger from the door.
Mind if what I say does not turn out to be true ! He
will come to the dogs at last."
** Nothing more likely !" replied I ; " for he cohabits
with the muses already; and many a plain man has
found, to his cost, that there is no keeping company
with the sisters without being worried by their bully-
ing brethren. My friend Fabricio would have done
much better by remaining quietly with your lordship ;
he would now have been lying on a bed of roses, and
every thing he had touched would have turned to gold."
w He would at least have been in a very snug birth,"
said Manuel. " He was a great favourite of mine ; and
I meant, by a regular gradation from subaltern to prin-
cipal situations, to have established him in ease and af-
fluence on the basis of public charity ; but the foolish
216 GIL BLAS.
fellow took it into his head to set up for a wit. He
wrote a play, and brought it out at the theatre in this
town : the piece went off tolerably well, and nothing
thenceforth would serve his turn but commencing au-
thor by profession. Lope de Vega, in his estimation,
was but a type of him : preferring, therefore, the intoxi-
cating vapour of public applause to the plain roast and
boiled of this substantial ordinary, he came to me for
his discharge. . It was to no purpose for me to argue
the point, or to prove to him what a silly cur he was, to
drop the bone and run after the shadow : the mad block*
head was so suffocated by the smother of authorship,
that the instinctive dread of fire could not rouse his
alacrity to escape burning. In short, he was miserably
unconscious of his own interest, as his successor can
testify : for he, possessing practical good sense, though
without half Fabricio's quickness and versatility, makes
it his whole study and delight to go through his business
in a workmanlike manner, and to fall in with all my lit-
tle ways. In return for such good conduct, I have
Sushed him forward in a manner corresponding with
is deserts ; and he unites in his own person, even at
this time of day, two offices in the hospital, the least
lucrative of which would be more than sufficient to
place any honest man at his ease, though encumbered
with a yearly teeming wife."
CHAPTER II.
OIL BLAS CONTINUES HIS JOURNEY, AND ARRIVES DC SAFETY
AT OVIEDO. THE CONDITION OF HIS FAMILY. HIS FATHER'S
DEATH, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES.
From Valladolid, we got to Oviedo in four days, with-
out any untoward accident on the road, in spite of the
proverb, which says, that robbers lay their ears to the
ground, when pilgrims are going with rich offerings, and
traders are riding with fat purses. It would have been
a feasible, as well as a tempting speculation. Two ten-
ants of a subterraneous abode might have presented an
aspect to have frightened our doubloons into a surren-
der ; for courage was not one of the qualities I had im-
bibed at coujrt ; and Bertrand, my mule-driver, seemed
OH BIAS* Sit
not to be of a temper to get his brains blown out in
defending a purse into which he had no free ingress.
Scipio was the only one of the party who was any
thing of a bully.
It was night when we came into town. Our lodgings
were at an inn near my uncle, Gil Perez, the canon. I
was very desirous of ascertaining the circumstances of
my parents, before my first interview with them ; and,
in order to gain that information, it was impossible to
make my inquiries in a better channel than through my
landlord and landlady, into the lines of whose faces you
could not look without being satisfied that they knew
every tittle of their neighbours* concerns. As it turned
out, the landlord kenned me after a diligent perusal of
my features, and cried out, " By Saint Antony of Padua !
this is the son of the honest usher, Bias of Santillane*"
" Ay, indeed !" said the hostess ; " and so it is : with-
out a single muscle altered ! just for all the world that
same little stripling Gil Bias, of whom we used to say
that he was as saucy as he was high. It brings old
times to my memory! when he used to come hither
with his bottle under his arm, to fetch wine for his un-
cle's supper."
u Madam," said I, " you have a most inveterate mem*
ory; but, for goodness" sake, change the subject, and
tell me the modern news of my family. My father and
mother are doubtless in no very enviable situation."
"In good truth, you may say that," answered the
landlady : " you may rack your brains as long as you
like, but you will never think of any thing half so
miserable as what they are suffering at the present mo-
ment. Gil Perez, good soul ! is defunct all down one
side by a stroke of the palsy, and the other half of him
is little better than a corpse ; we cannot expect him to
last long : then your father, who went to live with his
reverence a little while ago, is troubled with an inflam-
mation of the lungs, and is standing, as a body may
say, quavery -mavery between life and death; while
your mother, who is not over and above hale and hearty
herself, is obliged to nurse them both."
On this intelligence, which made me feel some com*
punctious yearnings of nature, I left Bertrand with my
stud and baggage at the inn : then, with my secretary
at my heels, who would not desert me in my time of
need, I repaired to my uncle's house. The moment I
Vol. II. K 19
218 *U BLA8.
came within my mother's reach, a natural emotion of
maternal instinet unfolded to her who I was, before her
eyes could possibly have run over the traces of my
countenance. " Son," said she, with a melancholy ex-
pression, after having embraced me, "come and be
present at your father's death ; your visit is juet in time
to take in all the piteous circumstances of so deplorable
an event," With this heartrending reception, she led
me by the hand into a chamber where the wretched
Bias of Santillane, stretched on a comfortless bed, in
eold and dismal accord with the thinness of his for*
tunes, was just entering on the last great act of human
nature. Though surrounded by the shades of death, he
was not quite unconscious of what was passing around
him. " My dearest friend," said my mother, " here is
your son GU Bias, who entreats your forgiveness for all
his undutiful behaviour, and is come to ask your- bles-
sing before you die." At these tidings, my father
opened his eyes, which were on the point of closing for
ever : he fixed them upon- me ; and reading in my coun-
tenance, notwithstanding the awful brink on which he
stood, that I was a sincere mourner for his loss, his
feelings were recalled to sympathy by my sorrow-
He even made an attempt to speak, but his strength
was too much exhausted. I took one of his hands in
mine, and while I bathed it with my tears, in speechless
agony of soul, he breathed his last, as if he had only
waited my arrival to pay the debt of nature, and wing-
his way to scenes of untried being.
This event had been too long present to my mother's
mind to overwhelm her with any unparalleled affliction-
Perhaps it sat more heavily on me than on her, though
my father had never in his life given me any reason to
feel for him as a father. But, besides that mere filial
instinct would have made me weep over his cold re-
mains, I reproached myself with not having contributed
te the eomfort ef his latter days; then r when I consid-
ered what a hard-hearted villein I had been, I seemed
to myself like a monster of ingratitude, er rather like
an impious parricide. My uncle, whom I afterward
saw lying at his length on another wretched couch, and
in a most lamentable pickle, made me experience fresh
agonies of upbraiding conscience. "Unnatural son!"
said I, communing with my own uneasy thoughts, " be-
hold the chastisement of Heaven upon thy sins, in the
GIL BLAS. 219
disconsolate condition of thy nearest relations. Hadst
thou bat thrown to them the superflux of that abun-
dance in which, before thy imprisonment, thou rolledst,
thou mightiest have procured for them those tittle com-
forts which thy uncle's ecclesiastical pittance was too
scanty to furnish, and perhaps have lengthened out the
term of thy father's life."
Gil Perez had fallen into a state of second childhood,
and was, though numerically upon the list of the living,
in every individual organ a mere corpse. His memory,
nay, his very senses, had retired from their allotted sta-
tions in his system. Bootless was it for me to strain
him m my pious arms, and lavish outward tokens of
affection on him : they might as well have been wasted
on the desert air. To as little purpose did my mother
ring in his unnerved ear, that I was his nephew, Gil
Bias ; he gazed at me with a vacant, stupid stare, and
gave neither sign nor answer. Had the ties of consan-
guinity and gratitude been all too weak to awaken my
tender sympathy for an uncle to whom I owed the
means of my first launch into the world, the impression
of helpless dotage on my senses might have softened
me into something like the counterfeit of virtuous emo-
tion.
While this scene was passing, Scipio preserved a
melancholy; silence, sharing in all my sorrows, and
mingling his sighs with mine in the chastised luxury
of friendship. But, concluding that my mother, after
so long an absence, might wish to have some such con-
versation with me as the presence of a stranger must
rather repress than promote, I drew him aside, saying,
" Go, my good fellow, sit down quietly at the inn, and
leave me here with my only surviving parent, who
might consider your company as an intrusion while
talking over family affairs.'' Scipio withdrew for fear
of being a clog upon our confidence ; and I sat down
with my mother to an interchange of communication,
which lasted all night. We reciprocally gave a faithful
account of all that had happened to each of us since
my first sally from Oviedo. She related in full measure
and running over, all the petty insults, disappointments,
and mortifications, which she had undergone in her pil-
grimage from house to house as a duenna. A great
number of these little anecdotes it would have hurt my
pride that my secretary should have noted down in his
K2
220 GIL BLA8.
biographical budget, though I had never concealed from
him the ups and downs in the lottery of my own life.
With all the respect I owe, to my mother's sainted
memory, the good lady had not the knack of going the
shortest road to the end of a story : had she but pruned
her own memoirs of all luxuriant circumstances, there
would not have been materials for more than a tithe of
her narrative.
At length she got to the end of her tether, and I began
my career. With respect to my general adventures, I
passed them over lightly ; but when I came to speak of
the visits which the son of Bertrand Muscada, the gro-
cer of Oviedo, had paid me at Madrid, I enlarged with
decent compunction on that dark article in the history
of my life. " 1 must frankly own," said I to my mother,
" that I gave that young fellow a very bad reception ;
and he, doubtless, in revenge, must have drawn a hide-
ous outline of my moral features." " He did you more
than justice, I trust," answered she : " for he told us
that he found you so puffed and swollen with the good
fortune thrust upon you by the prime minister, as scarce-
ly to acknowledge him among your former acquaint-
ance ; and, when he gave you a moving description of
our miseries, you listened as if you had no interest in the
tale, or knowledge of the parties. But as fathers and
mothers can always find some cue for palliation in the
conduct of their graceless children, we were loath to
believe that you had so bad a heart. Your arrival at
Oviedo justifies our favourable interpretation ; and those
tears which are now flowing down your cheeks are so
many pledges either of your innocence or your reforma-
tion."
"Your constructions were too partial," replied I:
" there was a great deal of truth in young Muscada's
report. When he came to see me, all my faculties were
engrossed by vanity and mammon ; ambition, the pre-
vailing devil which possessed me, left not a thought to
throw away on the desolate condition of my parents.
It therefore could be no wonder if, in such a disposition
of mind, I gave rather a freezing reception to a man who,
- accosting me in a peremptory style, took upon him to
say, without mincing the matter, that it was well known
I was as rich as a Jew, and therefore he advised me to
send you a good round sum, seeing that you were very
much put to your shifts : nay, he went so far as to re-
GIL SLAS* 221
proach me, in phrase of more sincerity than good man-
ners, with my unfeeling negligence of my family. His
confounded personality stuck in my throat; so that,
losing my little stock of patience, I shoved him fairly
by the shoulders out of my closet. It must be confess-
ed that I took the administration of justice a little too
much into my own hands, being judge and party in the
same cause : neither was it proper that you should bear
the brunt, because the grocer was a little anti-saccha-
rine in his phraseology ; nor was his advice the less
pertinent or just, though couched in homely terms, or
urged with plodding vulgarity.
" All this came plump in the teeth of my conscience
the moment I had turned Muscada out of doors. The
voice of natural instinct contrived to make its way ; my
duty to my parents brought the blood into my face ;
but it was the blush of shame for its neglect, and not
the glow of triumph at its performance. Yet even my
remorse can give me little credit in your eyes, since it
was soon stifled in the fumes of avarice and ambition.
But some time afterward, having been safely lodged
in the tower of Segovia by royal mandate, I fell dan-
gerously ill there ; and that timely remembrancer was
the cause of bringing back your son' to you. So true
is it, that sickness and imprisonment were my best
moral tutors; for they enabled nature to resume her
rights, and weaned me effectually from the court.
Henceforth all my dear delight is in solitude ; and my
only business in the Asturias is to entreat that you
would share with me in the mild pleasures of a retired
life. If you reject not my earnest petition, I will at-
tend you to an estate of mine in the kingdom of Va-
lencia, and we will live there together very comfortably.
You are of course aware that I intended to take my
father thither also ; but, since Heaven has ordained it
otherwise, let me at least have the satisfaction of afford-
ing an asylum to my mother, and making amends, by
all the attentions in my power, for the fallow seasons
in the former harvest of my filial duty. 1 '
" I accept your kind intentions in very good part,"
said my mother ; " and would take the journey without
hesitation, if I saw no obstacles in the way. But to
desert your uncle in his present condition would be
unpardonable : and I am too much accustomed to this
part of the country to like living elsewhere : nevenjie-
19*
322 OIL BLAS.
less, as the proposal deserves to be maturely weigh*
ed, I will consider further of it at my leisure. At pres-
ent, your father's funeral requires to be ordered and
arranged." "As for that," said I, "we will leave it to
the care of the young man whom you saw with me;
he is ray secretary, with as clever a head and as good a
heart as you have often been acquainted with ; let the
business rest with him ; it cannot be in better hands."
Hardly had I pronounced these words when Scipio
earae back, for it was already broad day. He inquired
whether he could be of any service in our present dis-
tresses. I answered that he was come just in time to
receive some very important directions. As soon as
he was made acquainted with the business in hand, "A
word to the wise !" said he : " the whole procession,
with its appropriate heraldry, is already marshalled in
this head of mine ; you may trust me for a very pretty
funeral/'*" Have a care," said my mother, " to make
it plain and decent, without any thing like pomp or pa-
rade. It can scarcely be too humble for my husband,
whom all the town knows to have been low in rank and
indigent in circumstances." " Madam," replied Scipio,
" though he had been the meanest and most destitute
of the human race, I would not bate one button in the
array of his posthumous honours. My master's credit
is at stake in the proper conduct of the ceremony : he
has been in an ostensible situation under the Duke of
Lerma, and his father ought to be buried with all the
forms of state and nobility."
I thought exactly as my secretary did upon the sub-
ject : and even went so far as to bid him spare no ex-
pense on the occasion. A little leaven of vanity still
fermented in the mass of my philosophy, and rose in
my bosom with all the effervescence of its -original
lightness. I flattered myself that, by lavishing posthu-
mous honours on a father who had blessed the day of
his decease by no lucrative bequest, I should instil into
the conceptions of the by-standers a high sense of my
generous nature. My mother, on her part, whatever
airs of humility she might put on, had no dislike to
seeing her husband carried out with due observance of
funeral pomp and ceremony. We therefore left Scipio
to do just as he pleased ; and he, without a moment's
delay, adopted all the necessary measures for the dis-
play of the undertaker's liveliest fancy.
Oil. BLAG. S88
The genius of that artist was called forth but too suc-
cessfully. His emblems, devices, and draperies were
so ostentatious, as to disgust instead of cajoling the
natives ; every individual, whether of the town or the
suburbs, whether high or low, rich or poor, felt shocked
and insulted by this after-thought parade. " This min-
isterial beggar on horseback," said one, "can put his
hand into his pocket for his father's funeral baked meats,
but never found in his heart wherewithal to furnish his
living table with common necessaries." "It would
have been much more to the purpose," said another,
u to have made the old gentleman's latter days comfort-
able, than to have wasted such thriftless sums on a post
obit act of filial munificence." In short, quips of the
brain and pettings of the tongue pattered round our
execrated heads. It would have been well had the
storm been only a whirlwind of passion, or hurricane
of words ; but we were all, Scipio, Bertrand, and my-
self, corporally admonished of our misdeeds, on our
coming out of church : they abused us like pickpockets,
made mouths and odious noises as we passed, and fol-
lowed Bertrand at his heels to the inn with a copious
volley of stones and mud. To disperse the mob which
had collected before my uncle's house, my mother was
obliged to show herself at the window, and to declare
publicly that she. was thoroughly satisfied with my
proceedings. Another detachment had filed off to the
stable-yard where my carriage stood, in the full deter-
mination of breaking it to pieces ; and this they would
inevitably have done, if the landlord and landlady had
not found some means of quieting their perturbed spir-
its, and turning them aside from their outrageous pur-
pose.
All these affronts, so revolting to my dignity, the
effect of the tales which the young grocer had been
spreading about town, inspired me with such a thorough
hatred for my native place, that I determined on quit-
ting Oviedo almost immediately, though but for this
bustle I might have made it my residence for some
time. I announced my intention, with the reasons of
it, to my mother, who, considering my uncouth recep-
tion as no very flattering compliment to herself, did not
urge my longer stay among people so little inclined to
treat me civilly. The only point remaining now to be
discussed, was he* future destiny and provision. " My
884 OIL BLAS.
dear mother,* 1 said I, " since my uncle stands so much
in need of your attendance, I will no longer urge you
to go along with me ; but, as his days seem likely to be
very few on earth, you must promise to come' and take
up your abode with me at my farm as soon as the last
duties are performed to his honoured remains."
44 1 shall make no such promise," answered my moth-
er, 44 for I mean to pass the remnant of my days in the
Asturias, and in a state of perfect independence."
** Will you not, on all occasions," replied I, " be abso-
lute mistress in my household?" " Maybe so, and
maybe not," rejoined she ; " you have only to fall in
love with some flirt of a girl, and then you will marry :
then she will be my daughter-in-law, and I shall be her
stepmother; and then we shall live together as step-
mothers and daughters-in-law usually do." "Your
frognostics," said I, " are fetched from a great distance,
have not, at present, the most remote intention of en-
tering into the happy state: but even though such a
whim should take possession of my brain, I will pledge
myself for instructing my wife betimes in an implicit
submission to your will and pleasure." " That is giv-
ing security, without the means of making good your
contract," replied my mother ; "you would scarcely be
able to justify bail. I would not even swear that in our
sparring-matches you might not take your wife's part
in preference to mine, however ill she might behave, or
however unreasonably she might argue."
" You talk very excellent sense, madam," cried my
secretary, coming in for his share of the conversation :
44 1 think, just as you do, that docility is about as much
the virtue of a donkey as of a daughter-in-law. As the
matter stands, that there may be no difference of opin-
ion between my master and you, since you are abso-
lutely determined to live asunder, you in the Asturias,
and he in the kingdom of Valencia, he must allow you
an annuity of a hundred pistoles, and send me hither
every year for the payment. By thus arranging mat-
ters, mother and son will be very good friends, with an
interval of two hundred leagues between them." The
parties concerned fell in at once with the proposal : I
paid the first year in advance, and stole out of Oviedo
the next morning before dawn, for fear of vying with
Saint Stephen in popular favour. Such were the charms
of my return to my native place. An admirable lesson
Git BLAS. 225
this for those successful upstarts, who, having gone
abroad to make their fortunes, come home to be the
purse-proud tyrants of their birthplace.
CHAPTER III.
OIL BLA8 SITS OUT FOR VALENCIA, AND ARRIVE8 AT LIRIAS.
DESCRIPTION OF HIS 8EAT. THE PARTICULARS OF HIS RE-
CEPTION, AND THE CHARACTERS OF THE INHABITANTS HE
FOUND THERE.
We took the road for Leon, afterward' that of Palen-
eia ; and, continuing our journey by short stages, arri-
ved on the evening of the tenth day at the town of Se-
gorba, whence early on the morrow we repaired to
my seat, at the distance of very little more than three
leagues. In proportion as we approached nearer, it
was amusing to see with what a longing eye my secre-
tary looked at all the estates which lay in our way, to
the right and left of the road. When he caught a
glimpse of any which bespoke the rank and opulence
of its owner, he never missed pointing at it with his
finger, and wishing that were the place of our retreat.
" I know not, my good friend," said I, " what idea
you have formed of our habitation ; but, if you have
taken it into your head that ours is a magnificent
house, with the domain of a great landed proprietor, I
warn you in time that you are laying much too flatter*
ing an unction to your vanity.
"If you have no mind to be the dupe of a warm
imagination, figure to yourself the little ornamented
cottage which Horace fitted up near Tibur in the coun-
try of the Sabines, on a small (arm, the fee-simple of
which was given him by Mecaenas. Don Alpjionso has
made me just such another present, more as a token of
his affection than for the value of the thing." " Then
I must expect to see nothing but a dirty hovel !" ex-
claimed Scipio. "Bear in mind," replied I, "that I
have always given you quite an unvarnished description
of my place ; and now, even at this moment, you may
judge for yourself whether 1 have not stuck to truth
and nature in my representations. Just carry your
eye along the course of the Guadalaviar, and observe
K3
836 GIL BLAB.
at a little distance from the farther bank, near that
hamlet, consisting of nine or ten tenements, a house
with four small turrets ; that is my mansion."
" The deuse and all !" stammered out my secretary,
short-breathed with sudden admiration : " why, that
house is one of the prettiest things in nature. Besides
the castellated air which those turrets give it, all the
beauties of situation and architecture, fertility of soil,
and perfection of landscape, combine to rival or excel
the immediate neighbourhood of Seville, complimented
as it is for its picturesque attractions by the appella-
tion of an earthly paradise. Had we chosen the place
of our settlement for ourselves, it could not have been
more to my taste: a river meanders through the
grounds, distilling plenty and verdure from its fertili-
zing bosom ; the leafy honours of an umbrageous wood
invite the mid-day walk, and qualify the temperature of
the seasons. What a heavenly abode of solitude and
contemplation! Ah! my dear master, we shall act
very foolishly if we are in a hurry to run away from
our happiness." " I am delighted," answered I, " that
you are so well satisfied with the retreat provided for
us, though yet acquainted with only a small part of its
attractions."
As we were chatting in this strain, we got nearer
and nearer to the house, where the door opened as by
magic, the moment Scipio announced Signor Gil Bias
de Santillane, who was coming to take possession of
his estate. At the mention of this. name, received with
reverential homage by the people, who had been in-
structed in the transfer of their obedience, my carriage
was admitted into a large court, where I alighted : then
leaning with all my weight upon Scipio, as if walking
was a derogation from my dignity, and putting on the
great man after the most consequential models, I reach-
ed the hall ; where, on my entrance, seven or eight
servants made their obeisances. They told me they
were come to welcome their new master with their
best loves and duties: that Don Cesar and Don Al-
phonso de Leyva had chosen them to form my establish-
ment, one in quality of cook, another as under-cook, a
third as scullion, a fourth as porter, and the rest as
footmen; with an express injunction to receive no
wages or perquisites, as those two noblemen meant to
defray all the expenses of my household. The cook,
Master Joachim by name, was commander-in-chief of
this battalion, and announced to me the whole array of
the campaign ; he declared that he had laid in a large
stock of the choicest wines in Spain, and insinuated
that, for the solid supply of the table, he flattered him-
self a person of his education and experience, who had
been six years at the head of my Lord Archbishop of
Valencia's kitchen, must know how to dish up a dinner
so as to meet the ideas of the most fastidious layman
in Christendom. " But the proof of the pudding is in
the eating," added he, " so I will just go and give you a
specimen of my talent. You had better take a walk,
my lord, while dinner is getting ready : look about the
premises ; and see whether you find them in tenantable
condition for a person of your lordship's dignity. 91
The reader may guess whether I did not stir my
stumps ; and Scipio, still more eager than myself to
take a bird's-eye inventory of our goods and chattels,
dragged me back and fore from room to room. There
was not a corner of the house that we did not peep
into, from the garret to the cellar; not a closet or a
cranny, at least as we supposed, could escape our pry*
ins curiosity ; and in every fresh room we went into,
I had occasion to admire the kindness of Don Cesar
and his son towards me. I was struck, among other
things, with two apartments, which were as elegantly
furnished as they could be, without misplaced magnifi-
cence. One of them was hung with tapestry, the cele-
brated manufacture of the Low Countries ; the velvet
bed and chairs were still very handsome, though in the
fashion of the time when the Moors possessed the
kingdom of Valencia. The furniture of the other room
was in the same taste ; to wit, an old suit of hangings,
made of yellow Genoa damask, with a bed and arm-
chairs to match, fringed with blue silk. All these
effects, which would have furnished but a sorry display
in an upholsterer's shop, made no contemptible appear-
ance in their present situation.
After having rummaged over every article of the
paraphernalia, my secretary and myself returned to the
dining-room, where the cloth was laid for two; we sat
down ; and in an instant they served up so delicious an
olla podrida, that we could not help revolving on the
various turns of fate below, which had parted the good
Archbishop of Valencia from his cook. We had, in
Sft8 GIL BLAS.
troth, a most catholic and ravenous appetite ; a circum-
stance which added new zest to our praises and enjoy*
ments. Between every succeeding help, my servants,
with ail the alacrity of fresh and holyday service, filled
our large glasses to the brim with wine, the choicest
vintage of La Mancha. Scipio, not thinking it genteel
to express aloud the inward chucklings of his heart at
our dainty fare, winked and nodded his delight, and
spoke by signs, which I returned with the like dumb
eloquence of overflowing satisfaction. The remove
was a dish of roast quails, flanking a little leveret in
high order, just kept long enough : for this we left our
hash, good as it was, and gorged ourselves to a surfeit
on the game. When we had eaten as if we had never
eaten before, and pledged one another in due propor-
tion, we rose from table and went into the garden, to
look out for some coo), pleasant spot, and take our
afternoon's nap voluptuously.
If hitherto my secretary had goggled satisfaction at
what he had seen, he stared wider and grinned broader
at this vista vision of the garden. He scarcely allowed
the comparison to be in favour of the Escurial. The
reason of its extreme niceness was, that Don Cesar,
who came backwards and forwards to Lirias, took
pleasure in improving and ornamenting it. All the
walks well gravelled, and lined with orange-trees, a
large reservoir of white marble, with a lion in bronze
spouting water like a dolphin's deputy in the middle,
the beauty of the flower-borders, the profusion and
variety of the fruit-trees; such pretty particulars as
these made Scipio smack his lips, and snuff the air ; but
his raptures reached their summit at the gradual de-
scent of a long walk, leading to the bailiff's cottage,
and overarched by the interwoven boughs of the trees
planted on each side. While eulogizing a place so
well adapted for a refuge from the intenseness of the
heat, we made a halt, and sat down at the foot of an
elm, where sleep required very little cunning to en-
tangle two high-fed, half-tipsy blades, just risen from
so voluptuous and voracious a repast.
In about two hours we were startled out of our sleep
by the report of musketry, popping so near the head-
quarters of our repose, that we apprehended the camp
to be attacked. On the alert ! was the first idea that
invaded our dozing minds. That we might procure the
GIL BLAS. 229
most authentic intelligence in what directiori the ene-
my was approaching, we directed our inarch towards
the bailiff's tenement. There were collected eight or
ten clodhoppers, all friends and neighbours, assembled
on the green for the purpose of honouring my arrival,
just communicated to the vacant senses of the said
clodhoppers by a discharge of fire-arms, whose barrels
and furniture might thank me for the unusual favour of
a thorough cleaning. The greater part of them were
acquainted with my person, having seen me more than
once at the castle, while engaged in the business of my
stewardship. No sooner did they set eyes on me, than
they all shouted in unison, " Long life to our new lord
and master! welcome to Lirias!" Then they loaded
once again, and fired another volley in honour of the
occasion. My habits and manners were softened down
to the most condescending urbanity, though with a de-
corous infusion of distance, lest any degrading con-
structions might be put upon too unlimited a freedom
of address. With respect to my protection, I promised
it according to the customary charter of newly-installed
possessors ; and went so far as to throw them a purse
of twenty pistoles; and this, in my opinion, was the
point of all others in my conduct which touched their
hearts most nearly. After this benefaction, I left them
at liberty to waste as much powder as they pleased,
and withdrew with my secretary into the wood, where
we walked to and fro till nightfall, without being at all
tired of our rural prospect : so many charms had the
view of a landscape, heightened by the substantial
beauties of ownership in fee-simple, to our elevated
and delighted imaginations !
The cook, the under-cook, and the scullion were not
resting upon their oars all this time : they were work-
ing hard to fit up for us an edifice of belly-timber, more
magnificent than what we had already demolished ; so
that we were, over head and ears in amazement, when*
on our return to the room where we had dined, we saw
on the table a dish of four roast partridges, with a smoth-
ered rabbit on one side, and a fricasseed capon on the
other. The second course consisted of pig's ears, jug-
ged game, and chocolate cream. We drank deeply of
the most delicious wines, and began to think of going
to bed, when it became a matter of doubt whether we
could sit up any longer. Then my people, with lighted
20
230 GIL BLAS.
candles before me, led the way to the best bedroom,
where they were all most officious in assisting to un-
dress me : but when they had tendered me my gown
and nightcap, I dismissed them with an authoritative
undulation of my hand, signifying that their services
were dispensed with for the remainder of that night.
Thus I sent them all about their business, keeping
Scipio for a little private conference between ourselves ;
and I led to it by asking him what he thought of my
reception, as arranged by order of my noble patrons.
" Indeed and indeed, 1 ' answered he, " the human heart
could not devise any thing more delicious ; I only wish
we may go on as we have begun."' 4 1 have no wish
of the kind," replied I : "it is contrary to my principles
to allow that my benefactors should put themselves to
so much expense on my account ; it would be a down-
right fraud upon their benevolence. Besides, I could
never feel myself at home with servants in the pay of
other people ; it is just like living in a lodging or an inn.
Then it is to be remembered, that I did not come hither
to live upon so expensive a scale. What occasion have
we for so large an establishment of servants ? Our ut-
most want, with Bertrand, is a cook, a scullion, and a
footman.' 1 Though my secretary would not have been
at all sorry to table for a continuance at the governor
of Valencia's expense, he did not oppose his own luxu-
rious taste to my moral delicacy, but conformed at once
to my sentiments, and approved the reduction I was
meditating to introduce. That point being decided, he
left my chamber, and betook himself to his pillow in
his owri
CHAPTER IV.
A JOURNEY TO VALENCIA, AND A VISIT TO THE LORDS Of
LEYVA. THE CONVERSATION OF THE GENTLEMEN, AND
8ERAPHIN A'S DEMEANOUR.
I got my clothes off as soon as possible, and went to
bed, where, finding no great inclination to sleep, I com-
muned with my own thoughts. The mutual attachment
between the lords of Leyva and myself was uppermost
in the various topics of my contemplation. With my
OIL BLAS. 231
heart full of their late kindness, I determined on set-
ting out for their residence the next day, and quenching
my impatience to thank them for their favours. Neither
was it a slender gratification to anticipate another in-
terview with Seraphina ; though there was somewhat
of alloy in that pleasure : it was impossible to reflect,
without shuddering, that I should at the same time have
to encounter the glances of dame Lorenza Sephora,
who might not be greatly delighted at the renewal of
our acquaintance, should her memory happen to stum-
ble upon the circumstances connected with a certain
box on the ear. With my mind exhausted by all these
different suggestions, my eyelids at length closed, and
the sun had peeped in at the window long before they
turned upon their hinges.
I was soon out of bed ; and dressed myself with ail
possible expedition, in the earnest desire of prosecuting
my intended journey. Just as I had finished my hasty
operations, my secretary came into the room. " Scipio,"
said I, "you behold a man on the point of setting
out for Valencia : I ought to lose no time in paying my
respects to those noblemen to whom I am indebted
for my little independence ; every moment of delay in
the performance of this duty throws a new weight of
ingratitude on my conscience. As for you, my friend,
there is no necessity for your attendance; stay here
during my absence ; I shall come back to you within
the space of a week." ' Heaven speed you, sir !'* an-
swered he ; " be sure you do not Slight Don Alphonso
and his father ; they seem to me to thrill with the kind-
ly vibrations of friendship, and to be unbounded fn their
acknowledgment of obligation: gratitude and benevo-
lence are so uncommon in people of rank, that they de-
serve to be made the most of where found." I sent a
message to Bertrand, to hold himself in readiness for
setting out, and took my chocolate while he was har-
nessing the mules. When all was prepared, I got into
my carriage, after having directed my people to consid-
er my secretary as master of the house in my absence,
and to obey his orders as if they were my own.
I got to Valencia in less than four hours, and drove
at once to the governor's stables, where I alighted and
left my equipage. On going to the house, I was in*
formed that Don Cesar and his son were together. 1
did not wait for an introduction, but went in without
832 OIL BLAS*
ceremony ; and addressing myself to both of them,
" Servants," said I, " never send in their names to their
masters ; here is an old piece of family furniture, not
ornamental, indeed, but of a fashion when gratitude was
neither out of date nor out of countenance." These
words were accompanied with an effort to throw my-
self on my knees ; but they anticipated my purpose, and
embraced me one after the other with all possible evi-
dence of sincere affection. " Well then ! my dear San-
tillane," said Don Alphonso, " you have been at Lirias
to take possession of your little property."' 4 Yes, my
lord," answered 1 ; " and my next request is, that you
would be pleased to take it back again." " What is
your reason for that !" replied he. " Is there any thing
about it at all offensive to your taste ?" " Not in the
place itself," rejoined I ; " on the contrary, that is every
thing that my heart can wish : the only fault 1 have to
find with it is, that the kitchen smells too strongly
of the hierarchy ; a lay Christian should not live like an
archbishop ; besides that, there are three times as many
servants as are necessary, and consequently you are
put to an expense at once enormous and useless."
" Had you accepted the annuity of two thousand duc-
ats which we offered yon at Madrid," said Don Cesar,
" we should have thought it enough to give you the man-
sion furnished as it is; but you know you refused it;
and we felt it right to do what we have done as an
equivalent." " Your bounty has been too lavish," an-
swered I : " the gift of the estate was the utmost limit to
which it should be extended, and that was more than
sufficient to crown my largest wishes. But, to say
nothing about what it has cost you to keep up so great
and expensive an establishment, 1 declare to you most
solemnly, that these people stand in my way, and are a
great annoyance. In one word, gentlemen, either take
back your boon, or give me leave to enjoy it in my own
way." I pronounced these last words so much as if I
was in earnest, that the father and son, not meaning to
lay me under any unpleasant restraint, at length gave
me their permission to manage my household as it
should seem expedient to my better judgment.
I was thanking them very kindly for having granted
me that privilege, without which a dukedom would have
been but splendid slavery, when Don Alphonso inter-
rupted me dj saying, " My dear Gil Bias, I will intro
i
GIL BLAS 238
dnce you to a lady who will be extremely happy to see
you." Thus preparing me for the interview, he took
me by the hand and led the way to Seraphina's apart-
ment, who set up a scream of joy on recognising me.
" Madam," said the governor, u I flatter myself that the
isit of our friend Santillane at Valencia is not less ac-
ceptable to you than to myself." " On that head," an-
swered she, " he may rest confidently assured : time has
not obliterated the remembrance of the service which
he once rendered me, and to that must be added a new
debt of gratitude incurred on the score of your obliga-
tions." I told the governor's lady that I was already
too well requited for the danger which 1 had shared in
common with her deliverers, in exposing my life for
her sake ; compliments to the like effect were bandied
about for some time on both sides, when Don Alphonso
motioned to quit Seraphina's room. We then went
back to Don Cesar, whom we found in the saloon with
a fashionable party, who were come to dinner.
All these gentlemen were introduced, and paid their
compliments to me in the politest manner; nor did their
attentions relax in assiduity when Don Cesar told them
that 1 had been one of the Duke of Lerma's principal
secretaries. In all likelihood, several of them might
not be unacquainted that Don Alphonso had been pro-
moted to the government of Valencia by my interest ;
for political secrets are seldom kept. However that
might be, while we were at table, the conversation
principally turned on the new cardinal. Some of the
company either were, or affected to be, his unqualified
admirers, while others allowed his merit upon the whole,
but thought it had been rather over-rated. 1 plainly
saw through their (Jesign of drawing me on to enlarge
on the subject of his eminence, and to gratify their
taste for scandal with court anecdotes at his expense.
I could have been well enough pleased to have deliver-
ed my real sentiments on his character ; but I kept my
tongue within my teeth, and thereby passed in the esti-
mate of the guests for a close, confidential, politic, trust-
worthy young statesman.
The party respectively retired home after dinner, to
take their usual nap ; when Don Cesar and his son,
yielding to a similar inclination, shut themselves up in
their apartments.
For my own part, full of impatience to see a town
30*
fe34 GIL BLAS*
which I had so often heard extolled for its beauty, f
went out of the governor's palace with the intention of
walking through the streets. At the gate a man accost-
ed me with the following address : " Will Signor de
Santillane allow me to take the liberty of paying my re-
spects to him ?" I asked him who and what he was.
" I am Don Cesar's valet de chambre," answered he :
" bat was one of his ordinary footmen during your
stewardship: I used to make my court to you every
morning, and you used to take a great deal of notice of
me. I regularly gave you intelligence of what was
passing in the house. Do you recollect my apprizing
you one day that the village surgeon of Leyva was pri-
vately admitted into dame Lorenza Sephora's bedcham-
ber V " It is a circumstance which I have by no means
forgotten," replied I. " But now that we are talking of
that formidable duenna, what is become of her ?"
" Alas !" resumed he, " the poor creature moped and
dwindled after your departure, and at length gave up the
ghost, more to the grief of Seraph ina than of Don Al-
phonso, who seemed to consider her death as no great
evil."
Don Cesar's valet de chambre, having thus acquaint-
ed me with Sephora's melancholy end, made an hum-
ble apology for having presumed to stop my walk,
and then left me to continue my progress. I could not
help paying the tribute of a sigh to the memory of that
ill-fated duenna ; and her decease affected me the more,
because I taxed myself with that melancholy catastro-
phe, though a moment's reflection would have convin-
ced me that the grave owed its precious prey to the in-
roads of her cancer rather than to the cruel charms of
my person.
I looked with an eye of pleasure upon every thing
worth notice in the town. The archbishop's marble
palace feasted my eyes with all the magnificence of ar-
chitecture ; nor were the piazzas which surrounded the
exchange much inferior in commercial grandeur ; but a
large building at a distance, with a great crowd standing
before the doors, attracted my attention. I went near-
er, to ascertain the reason why so great a concourse of
both sexes was collected ; and was soon let into the se-
cret by reading the following inscription in letters of
gold on a tablet of black marble over the door : La Po-
en. blab. 5536
soda de los Rfyresentantes.* The playbills announced Tor
that day a new tragedy, never performed, and gave the
name of Don Gabriel Triaquero as the author.
CHAPTER V.
OIL BLAS GOES TO THE PLAT, AND 8EE8 A NEW TRAGEDY.
THE 8UCCE88 OF THE PIECE. THE PUBLIC TASTE AT VA-
LENCIA.
I stopped for some minutes before the door to make
my remarks on the people who were going in. There
were some of all sorts and sizes. Here was a knot of
genteel-looking fellows, whose tailors, at least, had done
justice to their fashionable pretensions ; there a mob of
ill-favoured and ill-mannered mortals, in a garb to iden-
tify vulgarity. To the right was a bevy of noble ladies,
alighting from their carriages to take possession of their
private boxes ; to the left a tribe of female traders in lu-
bricity, who came to sell their wares in the lobby. This
mixed concourse of spectators, as various in their minds
as in their faces, gave me an itching inclination to in-
crease their number. Just as I was taking my check,
the governor and his lady drove up. They spied me
out in the crowd, and having sent for me, took me
with them to their box, where I placed myself behind
them in such a position as to converse at my ease with
either.
The theatre was filled with spectators from the ceil-
ing downwards, the pit thronged almost to suffocation,
and the stage crowded with knights of the three military
orders. " Here is a full house," said I to Don Alphonso.
u You are not to consider that as any thing extraordina-
ry," answered he : " the tragedy now about to be pro-
duced is from the pen of Don Gabriel Triaquero, the
most fashionable dramatic writer of his day. When-
ever the playbill announces any novelty from this fa-
vourite author, the whole town of Valencia is in a bus-
tle. The men, as well as the women, talk incessantly
on the subject of the piece : all the boxes are taken ;
and, on the first night of performance, there is a risk of
*TheThtatre.
36 OIL BLAB.
broken limbs in getting in, though the price of admis-
sion is doubled, with the exception of the pit, which is
too authoritative a part of the house for the proprietors
to tamper with its patience.'* " What a paroxysm of
partiality !" said I to the governor. u This eager curi-
osity of the public, this hot-headed impatience to be
present at the first representation of Don Gabriel's
pieces, gives me a magnificent idea of that poet's ge-
nius."
At this period of our conversation the curtain rose.
We immediately left off talking, to fix our whole atten-
tion on the stage. The applauses were rapturous, even
at the prologue : as the performance advanced, every
sentiment and situation, nay, almost every line of the
piece, called forth a burst of acclamation; and at the
end of each act, the clapping of hands was so loud and
incessant, as almost to bring the building about our ears.
After the dropping of the curtain, the author was pointed
out to me, going about from box to box, and, with all the
modesty of a successful poet, submitting his head to the
imposition of those laurels which the genteeler, and es-
pecially the fairer part of the audience, had prepared for
his coronation.
We returned to the governor's palace, where we were
met by a party of three or four gentlemen. Besides
these mere amateurs, there were two veteran authors
of considerable eminence in their line, and a gentleman
of Madrid, with tolerably fair claims to critical authority
and judgment. They had all been at the play. The
new piece was the only topic of conversation during sup-
per-time. " Gentlemen," said a knight of St. James,
" what do you think of this tragedy ! Has it not every
claim to the character of a finished work ? Thoughts
that breathe, and words that burn ; a hand to touch the
true chord of pity, and sweep the lyre of poetry ; re-
quisites how rarely, and yet how admirably united ! In
a word, it is the performance of a person mixing in the
higher circles of society." " There can be no possible
difference of opinion on that subject," said a knight of
Alcantara. " The piece is full of strokes which Apollo
himself might have aimed, and of perplexities contrived
so that none but the author himself could have unrav-
elled them. I appeal to that acute and ingenious stran-
ger," added he, addressing his discourse to the Castil-
lan gentleman ; " he looks to me like a good judge, and
GIL BLAS. 237
I will lay a wager that he is oil my side of the question."
" Take care how you stake on an uncertainty, my
worthy knight," answered the gentleman, with a sar-
castic smile. " I am not of your provincial school ; we
do not pass our judgment so hastily at Madrid. Far
from sentencing a piece on its first representation, we
are jealous of its apparent merit while aided by scenic
deception ; our fancies and our feelings may be carried
away for the moment, but our serious decision is sus-
pended till we have read the work ; and the most com-
mon result of its appeal to the press is a defalcation
from its powers of pleasing on the stage.
"Thus you perceive," pursued he, "that it is our
practice to examine a work of genius closely, before we
stamp on it the mark of a stock piece : its author's fame,
let it ring as loudly as it may, can never confound our
exactness of discrimination. When Lope de Vega him-
self, or Calderona ventured on the boards, they encoun-
tered rigid critics, though in an audience which doted on
them ; critics who would not sign their passport to the
regions of immortality till they had sifted tneir claims
to be admitted there."
44 That is a little too much," interrupted the knight of
St. James. " We are not quite so cautious as you. It
is not our custom to wait for the printing of a piece in
order to decide on its reputation. By the very first per-
formance it sinks or swims. It does not even seem ne-
cessary to be inconveniently attentive to the business
of the stage. It is sufficient that we know it for a pro-
duction of Don Gabriel to be persuaded that it combines
every excellence. The works of that poet may justly
be considered as commencing a new era, and fixing the
criterion of good taste. The school of Lope and Calde-
rona was the mere cart of Thespis, compared with the
polished scenes of this great dramatic master." The
gentleman, who looked up to Lope and Calderona as the
Sophocles and Euripides of the Spaniards, could not
easily be brought to acknowledge such wild canons of
criticism. " This is dramatic heresy with a vengeance !"
exclaimed he. " Since you compel me, gentlemen, to
decide like you on the fallacious evidence of a first night,
I must tell you that 1 am not at all satisfied with this
new tragedy of your Don Gabriel. As a poem, it
abounds more with glittering conceits than with pas-
sages of pathos or delineations of nature. The verses,
238 GIL BLAS*
three out of four, are defective either in measure or
rhyme ; the characters clumsily imagined or incongru-
ously supported ; and the thoughts have often the ob-
scurity of a riddle without its ingenuity."
The two authors at table, who, with a prudence
equally commendable and unusual, had said nothing for
fear of lying under the imputation of jealousy, could not
help assenting to the last speaker's opinions by their
looks ; which warranted me in concluding that their si-
lence was less owing to the perfection of the work than
to the dictates of personal policy. As for the military
critics, they got to their old topic of ringing the changes
on Don Gabriel, and exalted him to a level with the un-
der tenants of Olympus. This extravagant association
with the demigods, this blind and stiff-necked idolatry,
divorced the Castilian from his little stock of patience,
so that, raising his hands to heaven, he broke out
abruptly into a volley of enthusiasm : " O divine Lope
de Vega, sublime and unrivalled genius, who hast left
an immeasurable space between thee and all the Gabri-
els who would light their tapers from thy bright efful-
gence ! and thou, mellow, soft-voiced Calaerona* whose
elegance and sweetness, rejecting buskined rant and
tragic swell, reign with undisputed sway over the affec-
tions, fear not, either of you, lest your altars should be
overturned by this tongue-tied nursling of the muses !
It will be the utmost of his renown if posterity, before
whose eyes your works shall live in daily view, and
form their dear delight, shall enrol his name, as matter
of history and curious record, on the list of obsolete au-
thors."
This animated apostrophe, for which the company
was not at all prepared, raised a hearty laugh ; after
which we all rose from table and withdrew. An apart-
ment had been got ready for me by Don Alphonso's or-
der, where 1 found a good bed ; and my lordship lying
down in luxurious weariness, went to sleep upon the tag
of the Castilian gentleman's impassioned vindication,
and dreamed most crustily of the injustice done to Lope
and Calderona by ignorant pretenders.
OIL BLAB. 239
CHAPTER VI.
GIL BLA8, WALKING ABOUT THE STREETS OF VALENCIA, MEETS
WITH A MAN OF SANCTITY WHOSE PIOUS FACE HE HAD
SEEN SOMEWHERE ELSE.- WHAT SORT OF MAN THIS MAN
OF SANCTITY TURNS OUT TO BE.
As I had not been able to complete my view of the
city on the preceding day, I got up betimes in the morn-
ing, with the intention of taking another walk. In the
street I remarked a Carthusian friar, who doubtless was
thus early in motion to promote the interests of his or-
der. He walked with his eyes fixed on the ground, and
a gait so holy and contemplative, as to inspire every
passenger with religious awe. His path was in the
same direction as mine. 1 looked at him with more
than ordinary curiosity, and could not help fancying it
was Don Raphael, that man of shifts ana expedients,
who has already secured so honourable a niche in the
temple of fame. (See the first volume of my memoirs.)
I was so utterly astonished, so thrown off my balance
by this meeting, that, instead of accosting the monk, I
remained motionless for some seconds, which gave him
time to get the start of me. " Just heaven !" said I,
" were there ever two faces more exactly alike ? 1 do
not know what to make of it ! It seems incredible that
Raphael should turn up in such a guise ! And yet, how
is it possible to be any one else 1" I felt too great a cu-
riosity to get at the truth not to pursue the inquiry.
Having ascertained the way to the monastery of the Car-
thusians, I repaired thither immediately, in the hope of
coming across the object of my search on his return and
with the full intent of stopping and parleying with him.
But it was quite unnecessary to wait for his arrival to
enlighten my mind upon the subject : on reaching the
convent gate, another physiognomy, such as few per-
sons had read without paying for their lesson, resolved
all my doubts into certainty ; for the friar, who served in
the capacity of porter, was unquestionably my old and
godly- visaged servant, Ambrose de Lamela.
Our surprise was equal on both sides, at meeting
again in such a place. " Is not this a play upon the
840 HL BLAJ.
senses V 9 said I, paying my compliments to him. "Is
it actually one of my friends who presents himself to
my astonished sight 1" He did not know me again at
first, or probably might pretend not to do so : but, re-
flecting within himself that it was in vain to deny his
own identity, he assumed the start of a man who all at
once hits upon a circumstance which had hitherto es-
caped his recollection. " Ah ! Signor Gil Bias," ex-
claimed he, " excuse my not recognising your person
immediately. Since I have lived in this holy place,
every faculty of my soul has teen absorbed in the per-
formance of the duties prescribed by our rules, so that,
by degrees, I lose the remembrance of all worldly ob-
jects and events."
" After a separation of ten years," said I, " it gives
me much pleasure to find you again in so venerable a
garb." " For my part," answered he, " it fills me with
shame and confusion to appear in it before a man who
has been an eyewitness of my guilty courses. These
ghostly weeds are at once the charm of my present life,
'and the condemnation of my former. Alas !" added he,
heaving a righteous sigh, " to be worthy of wearing it,
my earlier years should have been passed in primitive
innocence." " By this discourse, so rational and edify-
ing," replied I, " it is plain, my dear brother, that the finger
of the Lord has been upon you ; that you are marked out
for a vessel of sanctincation. I tell you once again, I
am delighted at it, and would give the world to know in
what miraculous manner you and Raphael were led into
the path of the righteous ; for 1 am persuaded that it
was his own self whom I met in the town, habited as a
Carthusian. I was extremely sorry afterward not to
have stopped and spoken in the street ; and I am wait-
ing here to apologize for my neglect on his return."
" You were not mistaken," said Lamela : " it was Don
Raphael himself whom you saw ; arid as for the partic-
ulars of our conversion, they are as follow : after part-
ing with you near Segorba, we struck into the Valencia
road, with the design of bettering our trade by some
new speculation. Chance or destiny one day led our
steps into the church of the Carthusians, while service
was performing in the choir. The demeanour of the
brethren attracted our notice, and we experienced in our
own persons the involuntary homage which vice pays
to virtue. We admired the fervour with which they
GIL BLAf. 241
poured forth their devotions, their looks of pious morti-
fication, their deadness to the pleasures of the world
and the flesh, and in the settled composure of their
countenances, the outward sign of an approving con-
science within.
" While making these observations, we fell into a train
of thought which became like manna to the hungry and
thirsty soul : we compared our habits of life with the em-
pioyments of these holy men, and the wide difference
between our spiritual conditions filled us with confusion
and affright. ' Lamela,' said Don Raphael, as we went
out of church, * how do you stand affected by what we
have just seen ? For my part, there is no disguising the
truth, my mind is ill at ease. Emotions, new and inde-
scribable, are rushing upon my mind ; and, for the first
time in my life, I reproach myself with the wickedness
of my past actions.' * I am just in the same temper of
soul,' answered I : ' my iniquities are all drawn up in ar-
ray against me ; they beset me, they stare me in the
face ; my heart, hitherto proof against all the arrows of
remorse, is at this moment shot through and through,
torn and disfigured, tormented and destroyed.' ' Ah !
my dear Ambrose,' resumed my partner, ' we are two
stray sheep, whom our heavenly Father, in mercy, would
lead back gently to the fold. It is he himself, my child,
it is he who warns and guides us. Let us not be deaf
to the call of his voice ; let us abandon all our wicked
courses, let us begin from this day to work out our sal-
vation with diligence and in the spirit of repentance :
we had better spend the remainder of our days in this
convent, and consecrate them to penitence and devo-
tion.'
" I applauded Raphael's sentiment," continued brother
Ambrose ; " and we formed the glorious resolution of
becoming Carthusians. To carry it into effect, we ap-
plied to the venerable prior, who was no sooner made
acquainted with our purpose, than, to ascertain whether
our call was from the world above or the world beneath,
he appointed us to cells, and all the strictness of monk-
ish discipline, for a whole year. We acted up to the
rules with equal regularity and fortitude, and, by way of
reward, were admitted among the novices. Our condi-
tion was so much what we wished it, and our hearts were
so full of religious zeal, that we underwent the toils of
our novitiate with unflinching courage. When that was
Vol. II. L 21
Q42 OIL BLAB.
over we professed j after which, Don Raphael appearing
admirably well qualified, both by natural talent and va-
rious experience, for the management of secular con*
cerns, was chosen assistant to an old friar who was nt
that time proctor. The son of Lucinda would infinitely
have preferred dedicating every remaining moment of
his existence to prayer ; but he found it necessary to
sacrifice his taste for devotion in fartherance of the gen-
eral prosperity. He entered with so much zeal and
knowledge into the interests of the house, that he was
considered as the most eligible person to succeed the
old proctor, who died three years afterward. Don Ra-
phael accordingly fills that office at present, and it may
truly be said that he discharges his duty to the entire
satisfaction of all our fathers, who praise in the highest
terms his conduct in the administration of our tempo-
ralities. What is most of all miraculous, and shows the
hand of Heaven in his conversion, is that, with such an
accumulation of business rushing in upon him in his bur-
sarial department, his regards are inalienably fixed on
the world to come. When business leaves him but for
a moment to recruit nature, instead of lavishing the
short period in indulgence, his thoughts wing their way
into the regions of devout and holy meditation. In short,
he is the most exemplary member of this body."
At this period of our conversation, I interrupted Lame-
la by an ebullition of joy to which I gave vent at the
sight of Raphael coming in. " Here he is !" exclaimed
1 : " behold that righteous bursar for whom I have been
so impatiently waiting." With a leap and a bound did I
run to meet and embrace him.' He submitted to the hug
with his newly-acquired resignation ; and, without be-
traying the slightest shock at meeting with an old com-
panion of his profaner hours, his words were dictated
by the spirit of gentleness and humility. ' The Pow-
ers above be praised, Signor de Santillane, the powers
be praised for this kind providence whereby we meet
again." " In good truth, my dear Raphael," replied I,
" your happy destiny pleases me as much as if it had
been my own good luck : brother Ambrose has told me
the whole story of your conversion, and the tale almost
moved me to a similar change. What a glorious lot for
you two, my friends, when you have reason to flatter
yourselves with being among that picked number of the
OIL BLAS, 243
elect, who hare eternal happiness thrust upon them
whether they will or no."
44 Two miserable sinners like ourselves," resumed the
son of Lucinda, with an air which marked the extreme
of sanctified morality, * 4 must not hope that our own mer-
its are of weight enough to save our souls ; but even the
wicked one who repenteth findeth grace with the Fa-
ther of mercies. And you, Signor Gil Bias," added he,
44 is it not time to lay in a claim for pardon of the of-
fences which you have committed ? What is your busi-
ness here in Valencia ? Are you not hankering after
some office of devil's deputy, and making shipwreck of
your voyage to another world ?" M Not so, by the bles-
sing of heaven," answered I : " since I turned my back
on the court, I have led a very moral sort of life ; some-
times enjoying rural recreations on an estate of mine at
a few leagues distance from this town, and sometimes
coming hither to pass my time with my friend the gov-
ernor, whom you, both of you, must know perfectly
well."
On this cue I related to them the story of Don Al-
phonso de Leyva. They heard the particulars with at-
tention ; and on my telling them that I had carried to
Samuel Simon, on the part of that nobleman, the three
thousand ducats of which we had robbed him, Lamela
interrupted the thread of my narrative ; and, addressing
his discourse to Raphael, said, " Father Hilary, if this
be true, the honest vender of wares has no reason to
quarrel with a robbery which has paid him fifty per
cent. ; and our consciences, as far as that endictment
goes, may bask in the sunshine of acquitted innocence."
* Brother Ambrose and I," said the bursar, " did ac-
tually, on the assumption of the habit, send Samuel Si-
mon fifteen hundred ducats privately, by a pious eccle-
siastic, who made a pilgrimage to Xelva for the sole pur-
pose of accomplishing this restitution : but it will go hard
with Samuel at the general reckoning, if he, for filthy
lucre, could soil his fingers with that sum, after having
been reimbursed in full by Signor de Santillane." " But,"
said 1, " how do you know that your fifteen hundred duc-
ats were faithfully paid into his hands ?" " Unques-
tionably they were !" exclaimed Don Raphael ; " I would
answer for the disinterested purity of that ecclesiastic
as soon as for my own." " I would be your collateral se-
curity," said Lamela ; " he is a priest of the strictest
L3
844 GIL BLAB.
sanctity, a sort of universal almoner; and though many
times cited for sums of money deposited with him for
charitable uses, he has always nonsuited the plaintiffs,
and gone out of court with an augmentation of almsgiv-
ing notoriety."
Our conversation continued for some time longer : at
length we parted, with many a pious exhortation on their
side, always to have the fear of the Lord before my eyes,
and with many an earnest entreaty on mine, that they
would remember me constantly in their prayers. Don
Alphonso was now the first object of my search. " You
will never guess," said 1, " with whom 1 have just had a
long conference. 1 am but now come from two venera-
ble Carthusians of your acquaintance ; the name of the
one is Father Hilary, that of the other, Brother Am-
brose. 11 " You are mistaken/ 9 answered Don Alphon-
so ; "lam not acquainted with a single Carthusian.' 1
" Pardon me, 11 replied I ; " you have seen Brother Am-
brose at Xelva in the capacity of commissary, and Father
Hilary as register to the inquisition. 19 " Oh, heaven !"
exclaimed the governor, with surprise, " can it be within
the bounds of possibility that Raphael and Lamela
should have turned Carthusians ?" " It is even so, 11 an-
swered I : " they professed several years ago. The
former is bursar and proctor to the convent, the latter
porter. 1 '
The son of Don Cesar rubbed his forehead twice or
thrice, then shaking his head, " These worshipful offi-
cers of the inquisition," said he, " most assuredly purpose
playing over the old farce on a new stage here. 11 " You
judge of them by prejudice, 11 answered I, " from the im-
Sression of their characters as men of sin : but had you
een edified by their lectures as 1 have been, you would
think more favourably of their holiness. To be sure, it
is not for mortal men to fathom the depths of other
men's hearts ; but, to all appearance, they are two prod-
igals returned home. 11 " It may probably be so, 11 repli-
ed Don Alphonso : " there are many instances of liber-
tines who hide their heads in cloisters, after having
scandalized human nature by their obliquities, to ex-
piate their offences by a severe penance : I heartily wish
that our two monks may be such libertines restored.' 1
" Well ! and why not V said I. " They have embra-
ced the monastic life of their own accord, and have
squared their conduct for a length of time according to
OIL BLA3. 245
the maxims of their order."" You may say what yo
please," retorted the governor ; " but 1 do not like the
convent rents being received by this Father. Hilary, of
whom I cannot help entertaining a very untoward opin-
ion. When the fine story he told us of his adventures
comes across my mind, 1 tremble for the reverend broth-
erhood. I am willing to believe, with you, that he has
taken the vow with the pious intention of keeping it ;
but the blaze of gold may be too much for the weakness
of his regenerated eyesight. It is bad policy to lock
up a reformed drunkard in a wine-cellar."
In the course of a few days Don Alphonso's misgiv-
ings were fully justified ; these two official props and
stays of the establishment ran away with the year's rev-
enue. This news, which was immediately noised about
the town, could not do otherwise than set the tongues
of the wits in motion ; for they always make themselves
merry at the crosses and losses of the well-endowed re-
ligious orders. As for the governor and myself, we con-
doled with the Carthusians, but kept our acquaintance
with the apostate pilferers in the back-ground.
CHAPTER VII.
01L BLA8 RETURNS TO HIS SEAT AT L1RIAS. SCIPIo's AGREE-
ABLE INTELLIGENCE, AND A REFORM IN THE DOMESTIC AR-
RANGEMENTS.
I passed a week at 'Valencia in the first company, liv-
ing on equal terms with the best of the nobility. Plays,
balls, concerts, grand dinners, ladies' parties, all things
that heart could wish or vanity grow tall upon* were
Frovided for me by the governor and his lady, to whom
paid my court so dexterously, that they were heartily
sorry to see me set out on my return to Lirias. They
even obliged me, before they would let me go, to engage
for a division of my time between them and my hermit-
age. It was determined that I should spend the winter
at Valencia, and the summer at my seat. After this
bargain, my benefactors left me at liberty to tear myself
from them, and go where their kindness would be al-
ways staring me in the face.
Scipio, who was waiting impatiently for my return,
21*
46 OIL BLAS.
was ready to jump out of his skin for joy at the sight
of me ; and his ecstasies were doubled at my circum-
stantial account of the journey. " And now for your
history, my friend," said I, taking breath: "to what
moral uses have you turned the solitary period of my
absence? Has the time passed agreeably?" "As
well," answered he, u as it could with a servant to
whom nothing is so dear as the presence of his master.
I have walked over our little domain, circuitously and
diagonally : sometimes, seated on the margin of a foun-
tain in our wood, I have taken pleasure in beholding the
transparency of its waters, which are as pellucid as
those of the sacred spring, whose projection from the
rock made the vast forest of Albunea to resound with
the roar of the cascade : sometimes, lying at the foot of
a tree, I have listened to the song of the linnet or the
nightingale. At other times I have hunted or fished :
and, what has given me more rational delight than all
these pastimes, 1 have whiled away many a profitable
hour in the improvement of my mind."
I interrupted my secretary in a tone of eager inquiry,
to ask where he had procured books. " I found them,"
said he, " in an elegant library here in the house, whither
Master Joachim took me." " Heyday ! in what corner,"
resumed 1, " can this said library be ! Did we not go
over the whole building on the day of our arrival ?"
" Yon fancied so," rejoined he : " but you are to know
that we only explored three sides of the square, and
forgot the fourth. It was there that Don Cesar, when
he came to Lirias, employed part of his time in reading.
There are in this library some very good books, left as
a never-failing phylactery against the blue devils, when
our gardens, despoiled of Flora's treasure, and our
woods of their leafy honours, shall no longer challenge
those miscreant invaders to combat in the forest or the
bower. The lords of Leyva have not done things by
halves ; but have catered for the mind as well as for
the body."
This intelligence filled me with sincere rapture. I
was shown to the south side of the square, and feasted
with an intellectual banquet. Don Cesar's room I im-
mediately determined to make my own. That noble-
man's bed was still there, with correspondent furniture,
consisting of historical tapestry, representing the rape
of the Sabine women by the Romans. From the bed-
GIL BUL9. 247
chamber, I went into a closet fitted up with low book-
cases, well filled, and over them the portraits of the
Spanish kings. Near a window whence you command
a prospect of a most bewitching country, there was an
ebony writing-desk and a large sofa, covered with black
morocco. But I gave my attention principally to the
library. It was composed of philosophers, poets, his-
torians, and abounded in romances. Don Cesar seemed
to give the preference to that light reading, if one might
judge by the profusion of supply. I must own, to my
shame, that my taste was not at all above the level of
those productions, notwithstanding the extravagances
they delight in stringing together ; whether it was owing
to my not being a very critical reader at that time, or
because the Spaniards are naturally addicted to the mar-
vellous. I must, nevertheless, plead in my own justi-
fication, that 1 was alive to the charms of a sprightly
and popular morality, and that Lucian, Horace, and
Erasmus became my favourite and standard authors.
"My friend," said I to Scipio, when my eyes had
coursed over my library, " here is wherewithal to feed
and pamper our minds ; but our present business is to
reform our household." " On that subject, I can spare
you a great deal of trouble," answered he. " During
your absence, I have sifted your people thoroughly, and
flatter myself it is no empty boast to say that 1 know
them. Let us begin with Master Joachim : I take him
to be as great a scoundrel as ever breathed, and have no
doubt but he was turned away from the archbishop's for
errors which were too great to be excepted in the pas-
sing of his accounts. Yet we must keep him, for two
reasons : the first, because he is a good cook ; and the
second, because I shall always have an eye over him ;
I shall peep into his actions like a jackdaw into a
marrow- bone, and he must be a more cunning fellow
than I take him for to evade my vigilance. I have al-
ready told him that you intended discharging three
fourths of your establishment. This declaration stuck
in his stomach ; and he assured me that, owing to his
extreme desire of living with you, he would be satisfied
with half his present wages rather than be turned off,
which made me suspect that he was tied to the string of
some petticoat in the hamlet, and did not like to break
up his quarters. As for the under-cook, he is a drunk-
ard, and the porter a foul-mouthed Cerberus, of whose
248 GIL BLAft.
guardianship our gates are in no want ; neither is the
game-keeper a necessary evil. I shall take the latter
office myself, as you may see to-morrow, when we have
got our fowling-pieces in order, and are provided with
powder and shot. With regard to the footmen, one of
them is an Arragonese, and to my mind a very good
sort of fellow. We will keep him ; but all the rest are
such rascallions, that I would not advise you to harbour
one of them if you wanted an army of attendants."
After having fully debated that point, we resolved to
keep well with the cook, the scullion, the Arragonese,
and to get rid of the remainder as decently as we could :
all which was planned and executed on the same day,
mollifying the bitter dose by the application of a few
pistoles, which Scipio took from our strong-box, and
distributed among them as from me. When we had
carried this reform into effect, order was soon estab-
lished in our mansion ; we divided the business fairly
among our remaining people, and began to look into our
expenses. 1 could willingly have been contented with
very frugal commons; but my secretary, loving high
dishes and relishing bits, was not a man who would suf-
fer Master Joachim to hold his place as a sinecure. He
kept his talents in such constant play, working double
tides at dinner and supper, that any one would have
thought we had been converted by Father Hilary, an4
were working out the term of our probation.
CHAPTER VIII.
THE LOVES OF OIL BLA8 AND THE FAIR ANTONIA.
Two days after my return from Valencia to Lirias,
Clodpole Basil, my farming man, came at my dressing-
time to beg the favour of introducing his daughter
Antonia, who was very desirous, as he said, to have
the honour of paying her respects to her new master.
I answered that it was very proper, and would be well
received. He withdrew, and in a few minutes returned
with his peerless Antonia. That epithet, though bold,
will not be thought extravagant, in the case of a girl
from sixteen to eighteen years of age, uniting to regular
features the finest complexion and the brightest eyes
GIL BLAS. 249
in the world. She was dressed in nothing better than
a stuff gown ; but a stature somewhat above the female
standard, a dignified deportment, and such graces as
soared higher than the mere freshness and glow of
youth, communicated to her rustic attire the simplicity
of classical costume. She had no cap on her head ; her
hair was fastened behind with a knot of flowers, accord-
ing to the chaste severity of the Spartan fashionables*
When she illumined my chamber with her presence,
I was struck as much on a heap by her beauty as ever
were the princes, knights, nobles, and strangers assem-
bled at the solemn feast and tournament of Charlemagne,
by the personal charms of Angelica. Instead of receiv-
ing Antonia with modish indifference, and paying her
compliments of course, instead of ringing the changes
on her father's happiness in possessing so lovely a
daughter, I stood stock still, staring, gaping, stammer-
ing: I could not have uttered an articulate sound for
the universal world. Scipio, who saw clearly what
was the matter with me, took the words out of my
mouth, and accepted those bills of admiration which my
affairs were in too much disorder to admit of my duly
honouring. For her part, my figure being shrouded by
a dressing-gown and nightcap, like the orb of day by a
winter fog, she accosted me without being shamefaced,
and paid her duty in terms which fired all the combusti-
bles in my composition, though her words were but the
holyday expressions of commonplace salutation. In
the meantime, while my secretary, Basil, and his
daughter were engaged in reciprocal exchange of
civility, I found my senses again ; and passed from one
extreme of absurdity to another, just as if 1 had thought
that a hair-brained loquacity would be a set-off against
the idiotic silence of my first encounter. I exhausted
all my stock of well-bred rhodomontade ; and expressed
myself with so unguarded a freedom as to make Basil
look about him : so that he, with his eye upon me as a
man who would set every engine at work to seduce
Antonia, was in a hurry to get her safely out of my
apartment, with a resolved purpose, probably, of with-
drawing her for ever from my pursuit.
Scipio, finding himself alone with me, said, with a
smile, " Here is another defence for you against the
blue devils ! I did not know that your farming man had
so pretty a daughter, for 1 have never seen her before,
L3
250 GIL BLA3-
though I have been twice at his house. He mast have
taken infinite pains to keep her out of the way, and it
is impossible to be angry with him for it. What the
plague ! here is a morsel for a liquorish palate ! But
there seems to be no necessity for blazoning her per-
fections to you ; their very first glance dazzled you out
of countenance." "I do not deny it," answered I.
" Ah ! my beloved friend, I have surely seen an inhabi-
tant of the realms above; the electrical spark now
thrills through all my frame ; it scorches like lightning,
yet tingles like the vivifying fluid at my heart."
" You delight me beyond measure," replied my secre-
tary, "by giving me to understand that you have at
length fallen in love. Nothing but a mistress was
wanting to complete your rural establishment at all
points. Thanks to Heaven, you are now likely to be
accommodated in every way. I am well aware that
we shall have a hard matter to elude Basil's vigilance ;
but leave that to me, and I will undertake, before the
end of three days, to manage a private meeting for you
with Antonia." "Master Scipio," said I,/' it is not so
sure that you would be able to keep your word ; but, at
all events, I have not the least desire to make the ex-
periment 1 will have nothing to do with the ruin of
that girl ; for she is an angel, and does not deserve to
be numbered among the fallen ones. Therefore, instead
of laying the guilt upon your soul of assisting me in her
dishonour, I have made' up my mind to marry her with
your kind help, supposing her heart not to be pre-occu-
pied by a prior attachment." " I had no idea," said he,
" of your directly plunging headlong into the cold bath
of matrimony. The generality of landlords in your
place would stand upon the ancient tenure of manorial
rights: they would not deal with Antonia upon the
square of modern law and gospel, till after failure in the
establishment of their feudal privileges. But though
this may be the way of the world, do not suppose that
1 am by any means against your honourable passion, or
at all wish to dissuade you from your purpose. Your
bailiff's daughter deserves the distinction you design
her, if she can give you the first-fruits of her heart, an
offering of sensibility and gratitude : that is what I shall
ascertain this very day by talking with her father, and
possibly with her."
My agent was a man to transact his business accord*
-GIL BLAS* 251
ing to the letter. He went to see Basil privately, and
in the evening came to me in my closet, where I waited
for him with impatience, somewhat exasperated by ap-
prehension. There was a slyness in his countenance)
whence my prognostic inclined to the brighter side.
44 Judging," said 1, " by that look of suppressed merri-
ment, you are come to acquaint me that 1 shall soon he
at the summit of human bliss." "Yes, my dear mas-
ter," answered he, '* the heavens smile upon your vows.
1 have talked the matter over with Basil and his daugh-
ter, declaring your intentions without reserve. The
father is delighted at the idea of your asking his bles-
sing as a son-in-law ; and you may set your heart at
rest about Anlonia's taste in a husband." "Darts and
flames !" cried I, in an ecstasy of amorous transport :
' What ! am 1 so happy as to have made myself agree-
able to that lovely creature ?" " Never question it,"
replied he : " she loves, you already. It is true, she has
not owned so much by word of mouth ; but my assu-
rance rests on the tale-telling sparkling of her eye, when
your proposals were made known to her. And yet you
have a rival !" " A rival !" exclaimed I, with a falter-
ing voice, and a cheek blanched with fear. " Do not-
let that give you the least uneasiness," said he ; " your
competitor cannot bid very high, for he is no other than
Master Joachim, your cook."' " Ah ! the hangdog!"
said I, with an involuntary shout of laughter ; " this is
the reason, then, why he had so great an objection to
being turned out of my service." " Exactly so," an-
swered Scipio : " within these few days he made pro*
posals of marriage to Antonia, who politely declined
them." " With submission to your better judgment)"
replied I, " it would be expedient, at least so it strikes
me, to get rid of that strange fellow before he is in-
formed of my intended match with Basil's daughter ; a
cook, you are aware, is a dangerous rival." " You are
perfectly in the right," rejoined my trusty counsellor ;
44 we must clear the premises of him : he shall receive
his discharge from me to-morrow morning, before he
puts a finger on the fricandeaus; thus you will have
nothing more to fear either from his poisonous sauces
or bewitching tongue. Yet it goes rather against the
grain with me to part with so good a cook : but 1 sacri-
fice the interests of my own belly to the preservation
of your precious person." " You need not," said I,
252 GIL BLAS.
M take on so for his loss: he had no exclusive patent;
and 1 will send to Valencia for a cook, who shall out-
cook all his fine cookery." According to my promise, I
wrote immediately to Don Alphonso, to let him know
that our kitchen wanted a prime minister : and on the
following day he filled up the vacancy in so worthy a
manner, as reconciled Scipio at once to the change in
culinary politics.
Though my adroit and active secretary had assured
me of Antonia's secret self-congratulation on the con-
quest of her landlord's heart, 1 could not venture to
rely solely on his report. I was fearful lest he should
have been entrapped by false appearances. To be
more certain of my bliss, I determined on speaking
in person to the fair Antonia. I therefore went to
Basil's house, and confirmed to him what my am-
bassador had announced. This honest peasant, of
Satriarchal simplicity and golden-aged frankness, alter
aving heard me through, did not hesitate to own thai
it would be the greatest happiness of his life to give
me his daughter: "but, 1 ' added he, "you are by no
means to suppose that it is because you are lord of the
manor. Were you still steward to Don Cesar and Don
Alphonso, I should prefer you to all other suiters who
might apply : I have always felt a sort of kindness to-
wards you ; and nothing vexes me but that Antonia ha
not a thumping fortune to bring with her." " I want not
the vile dross," said 1 1 " her person is the only dowry
that I covet." *' Your humble servant for that," cried
he: "but you will not settle accounts with me after
that fashion ; I am not a beggar, to marry my daughter-
upon charity. Basil de Buenotrigo is in circumstances,
by the blessing of Providence, to portion her off decent*
ty ; and I mean that she should set out a little supper,
if you are to be at the expense of dinners. In a word,
the rental of this estate is only five hundred ducats : i
shall raise it to a thousand on the strength of this mar-
riage."
" Just as you please, my deaf Basil," replied I : *' we
are not likely te have any dispute about money matters.
We are both of a mind ; all that remains is to get your
daughter's consent." " You have mine," said he, ** and
that is enough." u Not altogether so," .answered I :
41 though yours may be absolutely necessary, no busi-
ness can be done without hers." M Hera fottows mine.
Git BLAS. 253
of course,*' replied he; "I should like to catch her
murmuring against my sovereign commands !" (( An*
tonia," rejoined I, ' with dutiful submission to paternal
authority, is ready, without question, to obey your will
implicitly in all things : but 1 know not whether, in the
present instance, she would do so without violence to
her own feelings; and, should that be the case, 1 could
never forgive myself for being the occasion of unhappi*
ness to her ; in short, it is not enough that 1 obtain her
hand from you, if her heart is to heave a sigh at the de-
cision of her destiny." " Oh blessed Virgin!" said
Basil, " all these fine doctrines of philosophy are far
above my reach : speak to Antonia your own self, and
you will find, or I am very much mistaken, that she
wishes for nothing better than to be your wife." These
words were no sooner out of his mouth than he called
his daughter, and left me with her for a few short
minutes.
Not to trifle with so precious an opportunity, I broke
my mind to her at once : " Lovely Antonia," said I,
" it remains with you to fix the colour of my future
days. Though I have your father's consent, do not
think so meanly of me as to suppose that I would avail
myself of it to violate the sacred freedom of your
choice. Rapturous as must be the possession of your
charms, I waive my pretensions if you but tell me that
your duty and not your will complies." " It would be
affectation to put on such a repugnance," answered she :
" the honour of your addresses is too flattering to excite
any other than agreeable sensations, and 1 am thankful
for my father's tender care of me, instead of demurring
to his will. I am not sure whether such an acknowl-
edgment may not be contrary to the rules of female re*
serve in the polite world ; but, if you were disagreeable
to me, I should be plain-spoken enough to tell you so ;
why, then, should I not be equally free in owning the kind
feelings of my heart 1"
At sounds like these, which I could not hear without
being enraptured, I dropped on my knee before Antonia,
and in the excess of my tender emotions, taking one
of her fair hands, kissed it with an affectionate and im-
passioned action. " My dear Antonia," said I, " your
frankness enchants me : go on ; let nothing induce you
to depart from it : you are conversing with your future
husband ; let your oul expand itself, and reveal all its
22
254 GIL BLAS.
inmost emotions in his presence. Thus, then, I may
entertain the flattering hope, that yon will not frown on
the union of our destinies !" The coming in of Basil at
this moment prevented me from giving further vent to
the delightful sensations which thrilled through me.
Impatient to know how his daughter had behaved, and
ready primed for scolding in case she had been perverse
or coy, he made up to me immediately. " Well, now L"
said he, " are you satisfied with Antonia 1" " So much?
so," answered I, " that I am going this very moment
to set forward the preparations for our marriage." So
saying, I left the father and daughter, for the purpose
of taking counsel with my secretary thereupon.
CHAPTER IX.
NUPTIALS 07 OIL BLAS WITH THE FAIR ANTONIA .* THE STYLE
AND MANNER OF THE CEREMONY ; THE PERSONS ASSISTING
THEREAT J AND THE FESTIVITIES ENSUING THEREUPON.
Though there was no occasion to consult with the
lords of Leyva about my marriage, yet both Scipio and
myself were of opinion that I could not decently do
otherwise than communicate to them my purpose of
connecting myself with Basil's daughter, and just pay
them the compliment of asking their advice, after the
act was finally determined en.
I immediately went off for Valencia, where my visit
was a matter of surprise, and still move the purport of
H. Don Cesar and Don Alphonso, who were acquainted
with Antonia, having seen her more than onee, wished
me joy on my good fortune in a wife. Dor Cesar, in
particular, made his speech upon the occasion with so
much youthful fire, that, if there bad not been reason to
suppose his lordship weaned, by that icy moralist, Time,
from certain naughty propensities, I should have sus-
pected him of going to Lirias now and then, not so much
to look after his concerns there, as after his little em-
peress of the dairy. Seraphina, too, with the kindest
assurances of a lively interest in whatever might befall
me, said that she had heard a very favourable character
of Antonia ; " but," added she, with a malicious fling, as
if to taunt me with my supercilious reception of Se-
GIL BLAS. ^ 255
phora's amorous advances, " even though her beauty
tad not been so much the talk of the country, I could
have depended on your taste, from former experience
of its delicacy and fastidiousness."
Don Cesar and his son did not stop at cold approba-
tion of my marriage, but declared that they would defray
all the expenses of it " Measure back your steps,"
said they, "to Lirias, and stay quietly there till you
hear further from us. Make no preparations for your
nuptials, for we shall make that our concern. " To meet
their kind intentions with becoming gratitude, I returned
to my mansion, and acquainted Basil and his daughter
with the projected kindness of our patrons. We deter-
mined to wait their pleasure with as much patienee as
falls to the lot of poor human nature under such cir-
cumstances. Eight long days dragged out their tedious
measure, and brought no tidings of our bliss. But the
rewards of self-control are not the less assured for
being slow : on the ninth, a coach drawn by four mules
drove up, with a cargo of mantuamakers for the bride,
and an assortment of rich silks on which to exercise
their art. Several livery servants, mounted on mules,
accompanied the cayalcade. One of them brought me
a letter from Don Alphonso. That nobleman sent me
word that he would be at Lirias next day with his father
and his wife, and that the marriage ceremony should be
performed on the day after that, by the vicar-general
of Valencia. And just so it came to pass : Don Cesar,
his son, and Seraphina, with that venerable dignitary,
were punctual to their appointment ; all four of them in
a coach and six ; none of your mules, like the mantua-
makers.! preceded by another coach and four, with
Seraphina'8 women ; and the rear was brought up by a
company of the governor's guards.
The governor's lady had hardly entered the house,
before she testified an ardent longing to see Antonia,
who on her part no sooner knew that Seraphina was
arrived, than she ran forward to bid her welcome, with
a respectful kiss upon her hand, so gracefully and
modestly impressed, that all the company were en-
chanted at the action. " And now, madam !" said Don
Cesar to his daughter-in-law, " what do you think of
Antonia? Could Santillane have made a better choice 1*
4 No," answered Seraphina : " they are worthy each
of the other; there can be no doubt but their union will
256 a OIL BLA3.
be most happy." In short, every one was lavish in the
praise of my intended: and if they felt her beams so
powerfully under the eclipse of a stuff gown, what must
they not have endured from her brightness, in the merid-
ian sunshine of her wedding finery ! One would have
fancied she had been clothed in silks, jewels, and fine
linen from her cradle, by the dignity of her air and the
ease of her deportment.
The happy moment which was to unite two fond
lovers in the bands of Hymen being arrived, Don Alphon-
8o took me by the hand and led me to the altar, while
Seraphina conferred the like honour on the bride elect.
Our procession had marched in fit and decent order
through the hamlet to the chapel, where the vicar-
general was waiting to go through the service ; and the
ceremony was performed amid the heartfelt congratula-
tions of the inhabitants, and of all the wealthy farmers
in the neighbourhood, whom Basil had invited to Anto-
nia's wedding. Their daughters, too, came i n their train,
tricked out in ribands and in flowers, and dancing to
the music of their own tabourines. We returned to
the mansion under the same escort ; and there, by the
provident attentions of Scipio, who officiated as high
steward and master of the ceremonies, we found three
tables set out; one for the principals of the party,
another for their household, and the third, which was
by far the largest, for all invited guests promiscuously.
Antonia was at the first, the governor's lady having
made a point of it ; I did the honours of the second, and
Basil was placed at the head of that where the country
people dined. As for Scipio, he never sat down, but
was here, there, and everywhere, fetching and carrying,
changing plates and filling bumpers, urging the company
to call freely for what they wanted, and egging them
on to mirth and jollity.
The entertainment had been prepared by the gover-
nor's cooks ; and that is as much as to say that there
were all the delicacies imaginable, in season or out of
season. The good wines laid in for me by Master Joa-
chim were set running at a furious rate; the guests
were beginning to feel their jovial influence, pleasantry
and repartee gave a zest to conviviality, when on a sud-
den our harmony was interrupted by an alarming oc-
currence. My secretary, being in the hall where 1 was
dining with Don Alphonso's principal officers and Sera-
6LL BLAS. () 257
pbina's women, suddenly fainted. I started up and ran
to his assistance ; and while I was employed in bring-
ing him about, one of the women was taken ill also. It
was evident to the whole company that this sympathetic
malady must involve some mysterious incident, as in
effect it turned out almost immediately, that thereby
hung a tale : for Scipio soon recovered, and said to me,
in a low voice, "Why must one man's meat be an-
other man's poison, and the most auspicious of your
days the curse of mine? But every man bears the
bundle of his sins upon his back, and my packsaddle is
once more thrown across my shoulders in the person of
my wife."
" Powers of mercy !" exclaimed I, " this can never be !
it is all a romance. What ! you the husband of that
lady whose nerves were so affected by the disturbance 1"
" Yes, sir," answered he, " I am her husband ; and for-
tune, if you will take the word of a sinner, could not
have done me a dirtier office than by conjuring up such
a grievance as this." " I know not, my friend," replied
I, " what reasons you may have for thus belabouring
your rib with wordy buffets : but however she may be
to blame, in mercy Keep a bridle on your tongue ; if you
have any regard for me, do not displace the mirth and
spoil the pleasure of this nuptial meeting, by ominous
disorder or enraged question of past injuries." " You
shall have no reason to complain on that score," rejoined
Scipio ; " but shall see presently whether I am not a
very apt dissembler."
With this assurance, he went forward to his wife,
whom her companions had also brought back to life and
recollection ; and, embracing her with as much apparent
fervour as if his raptures had been real, " Ah ! my dear
Beatrice," said he, " Heaven has at length united us
again after ten years of cruel separation! But this
blissful moment is well purchased by whole ages of tor-
turing suspense !" " I know not," answered his spouse,
"whether. you really are at all the happier for having
recovered a part of yourself; but of this, at least, I am
fully certain, that you never had any reason to run away
from me as you did. A fine story, indeed ! You found
me one night with Signor Don Ferdinand de Leyva, who
was in love with my mistress Julia, and consulted me on
the subject of his passion ; and only for that, you must
take it into your stupid head that I was caballing with
22*
258 # GIL BLAS.
him against your honour and my own : thereupon that
poor brain of yours was turned with jealousy; you
quitted Toledo in a huff, and ran away from your own-
flesh and blood as you would from a monster of the
deserts, without leaving word why or wherefore. Now
which of us two, be so good as to tell me, has most rea-
son to take on and be pettish V* " Your own dear self,
beyond all question," replied Scipio. " Beyond all ques-
tion," re-echoed she, ' my own ill-used self. Don Fer-
dinand, very shortly after you had taken yourself off
from Toledo, married Julia, with whom 1 continued as
long as she lived ; and, after we had lost her by sudden
death, 1 came into my lady her sister's service, who, as
well as all her maids, and I would do as much for them,
will give me a good character ; honest and sober, and a
very termagant among the impertinent fellows."
My secretary, having nothing to allege against such a
character from my lady and her maids, was determined
to make the best of a bad bargain. " Once for all," said
he to his spouse, " I acknowledge my bad behaviour,
and beg pardon for it before this honourable assembly."
It was now time for me to act the mediator, and to move
Beatrice for an act of amnesty, assuring her that her
husband from this time forward would make it the great
object of his life to play the husband to her satisfaction.
She began to see that there was reason in roasting of
eggs; and all present were loud in their congratula-
tions on the triumph of suffering virtue, and the reno-
vated pledge of broken vows. To bind the contract
firmer, and make it memorable, they were seated next
to one another at table ; their healths were drunk ac-
cording to the laws of toasting ; " Wish you joy ! many
returns of this happy day !" rang round on every side :
one would have sworn that the dinner was given for
their reconciliation, and not on account of my mar-
riage.
The third table was the first to be cleared. The
young villagers jumped up in a body ; the lads took out
their blooming partners ; the tabourines struck up a
merry beat ; spectators flocked from the other tables,
and caught the enlivening spirit from the gay bustle of
the scene. Every limb and muscle of every individual
was in motion : the household of the governor and his
lady formed a set, apart from the rustics of the compa-
ny ; while their superiors did not disdain to mingle with
OIL BLA3. 259
the homelier dancers. Don Alphonso danced a sara-
band with Seraphina, and Don Cesar another with An-
tonia, who afterward took me for her partner. She did
not perform much amiss, considering that she never got
much further than the five positions, in learning which
she had her ankles kicked to pieces by a provincial
dancing-master at Albarazin, while on a visit to a trades-
man's wife, one of her relations. As for me, who, as I
have already said, had taken lessons at the Marchioness
de Chaves's, I figured away as the principal man in this
rural ballette. With regard to Beatrice and Scipio, they
preferred a little private conversation to dancing, that
they might compare notes on the subject of wear and
tear during the painful period of separation : but their
billing and cooing was interrupted by Seraphina, who,
having been informed of this dramatic discovery, sent
for them to pay the customary compliments of congrat-
ulation. " My good people," said she, " on this day of
general joy, it gives me additional pleasure to see you
two restored to one another. My friend Scipio, I re-
turn you your wife under a firm belief that she has al-
ways conducted herself as became a woman ; take up
your abode with her here, and be a good husband to her.
And you, Beatrice, attach yourself to Antonia, and let
her be as much the object of your devoted service as
Signor de Santillane is that of your husband." Scipio,
who could not possibly, after this, think of Penelope as
fit to hold a candle to his own wife, promised to treat
her with all the deference due to such a paragon of con-
jugal fidelity.
The country people, having kept up the dance till late,
withdrew to their own homes ; but the rejoicings were
prolonged by the company in the house. There was a
grand supper ; and, at bedtime, the vicar-general pro-
nounced the blessing of consummation. Seraphina un-
dressed the bride, and the lords of Leyva did me the
Bame honour. The ridiculous part of the business was,
that Don Alphonso's officers and his lady's attendants
took it into their heads, by way of diverting themselves,
to perform the same ceremony: they also undressed
Beatrice and Scipio, who, to render the scene supremely
farcical, gravely allowed themselves to be untrussed,
and put to bed with all nuptial pomp and state.
260 GIL BLAI.
CHAPTER X.
THE HONEY-MOON (a VERY DULL TIME FOR THE READER AM
THIRD PERSON) ENLIVENED RY THE COMMENCEMENT Of
SCIPIO'S STORY.
" 'Tia heaven itself, 'tis ecstasy of bliss,
Uninterrupted joy, uniired excess ;
Mirth following mirth the moments dance away J
Love claims the night, and friendship rales the day."
On the day after the wedding the lords of Leyra re-
turned to Valencia, alter having lavished on me a thou-
sand marks of friendship. There was such a general
clearance, that my secretary and myself, with our re-
spective wives, and our usual establishment, were left
in undisturbed possession of our own home.
The efforts which we both made to please our ladies
were not thrown away : I breathed by degrees into the
tartner of my joys and sorrows as much love for me as
entertained for her ; and Scipio made his better part
forget the woes and privations he had occasioned her.
Beatrice, who had very winning ways with her, and was
all things to all women, had no difficulty about worming
herself into the food graces of her new mistress, and
gaining her complete confidence. In short, we all four
agreed admirably well together, and began to enjoy a
bliss above the common lot of humanity. Every day
rolled along more delightfully than the last. Antonia
was pensive and demure ; but Beatrice and myself were
enlisted in the crew of mirth ; and even though we had
been constitutionally sedate, Scipio was among us, and
he was of himself a pill to purge melancholy. The best
creature in the world for a snug little party ! one of
those merry drolls who have only to show their comical
faces, and set the table in a roar of inextinguishable
laughter.
One day when we had taken a fancy to go after din-
ner, and doze away the usual interval in the most se-
questered spot about the grounds, my secretary got into
such exuberant spirits as to chase away the drowsy
god by his exhilarating sallies. " Do hold your tongue,
GIL BLAS. 261
my loquacious friend," said I; "or else, if you are de-
termined to wage war against this lazy custom of our
afternoons, at least tell us something which we shall be
the wiser for hearing." 44 With all my heart and soul,
sir," answered he. " Would you have me go through
all the fabulous histories of wandering knights, distres-
sed damsels, giantg, enchanted castles, and the whole
train of legendary adventures 1" * I had much rather
hear your own true history," replied I ; " but that is a
pleasure which you have not thought fit to give me so
long as we have lived together, and I seem likely to go
without it to the end of the chapter." " How happens
that ?" said he. " If 1 have not told you my own story,
it is because you never expressed the slightest wish to
be troubled with the recital ; therefore it is not my fault
if you are in the dark about my past life ; but if you are
really at all curious to be let into the secret, my loqua-
city is very much at your service on the occasion."
Antonia, Beatrice, and myself unanimously took him at
his word, and arranged ourselves for listening like an
attentive audience. The speculation was a safe one on
our parts ; for the tale was sure to answer, either as a
stimulant or a soporific.
"I certainly ought to have been descended," said
Scipio, " from some family of the highest rank and ear-
liest antiquity ; or, in default of such parentage, from the
most distinguished orders of personal merit, such as that
of St. James of Alcantara, if a man may be permitted to
decide on the fittest circumstances for his own birth :
but as it is not among the privileges of human nature to
elect one's own father, you are to know that mine, by
name Torribio Scipio, was a subaltern myrmidon of the
holy brotherhood. As he was going back and fore on
the king's highway, and looking after business in his
own line, he met once on a time, between Cuenca and
Toledo, with a young Bohemian babe of chance, who
appeared very pretty in his eyes. She was alone, on
foot, and carried her whole patrimony at her back in a
kind of knapsack. ' Whither are you going, my little
darling V said he, in a philandering tone of voice, unlike
the natural hoarseness of his accents. ' Good worthy
fentleman,' answered she, * I am going to Toledo, where
hope to gain an honest livelihood by hook or by crook.*
* Your intentions are highly commendable,' retorted
he ; ' and I doubt not but you have many a hook and
$62 OIL BLA.0.
many a crook among the implements of your trade/
' Yes, with a blessing on my endeavours,' rejoined she,
' I have several little ways of doing for myself: I know
how to make washes and creams for the ladies 9 faces,
perfumes for their noses and their chambers ; then I can
tell fortunes, can search for things lost with a sieve and
sheers, and erect figures for the taking in of shadows
with a glass.'
"Torribio, concluding that so well provided a girl
would be a very advantageous match for a man like
himself, who could scarcely scrape wherewithal to sup-
port life by his own profession, though he was as good
a thief taker as the best of them, made her an offer of
marriage ; and she was nothing loath, nor prudishly coy.
They flew on the wings of inclination and convenience
to Toledo, where they were joined together ; and you
behold in me the happy pledge of holy and lawful mat-
rimony. They fixed themselves in a shop on the out-
skirts of the town, where my mother commenced her
career by selling the said washes, creams, tapes, laces,
silk, thread, toy, and pedler's ware ; but trade not being
brisk enough to live comfortably by it, she turned for-
tune-teller. This drew her customers, got her counte-
nance, credit, crowns, and pistoles : a thousand dupes
of either sex soon trumpeted up the reputation of Cos-
clina, for so my gipsy mamma had the honour to be
named. Some one or other came every day to bargain
for the exercise of her skill in the black art : at one time
a nephew, at his wit's and purse's end, wanting to know
how soon his uncle was to set off post for the other
world, and leave behind him wherewithal to piece his
worn-out fortunes : at another, some yielding, love-sick
girl, to inquire whether the swain who kept her com-
pany, and had promised to marry her, would keep his
word or be false-hearted.
" You will take notice, if you please, that my mother
always sold good luck for good money ; if the accom-
plishment trod on the heels of the prediction, well and
good ; if it was fulfilled according to the rule of contra-
ries, she was always cool, though the parties were ever
so violently in a passion, and told them plainly that it
was her familiar's fault, not hers ; for though she paid
him the highest wages, and bound him by potent spells
to stir up the caldron of futurity from the bottom, like
earthly cooks, he would sometimes be careless or out
of humour, and apportion the ingredients wrongly.
GIL BLAS. 268
When my mother thought the conjecture momen-
tous enough to raise the devil without cheapening him
in the eyes of the vulgar, Torribio Scipio enacted his
infernal majesty, and played the part just as if he had
been born to it, humouring the hideous features of the
character by a very small aggravation of his own natu-
ral face, and practising the pandemonian note of elocu-
tion in the lower octave of his voice. A person in the
slightest degree superstitious would be scared out of his
senses at my father's figure. But one day, as his Sa-
tanic prototype would have it, there came a savage ras-
cal of a captain, who asked to see the devil, for no
earthly purpose but to run him clean through the body.
The inquisition having received notice of the devil's
death, sent to take charge of his widow, and administer
to his effects ; as for poor little me, just seven years
old at that time, I was sent to the foundling hospital.
There were some charitable ecclesiastics on that estab-
lishment, who, being liberally paid for the education of
the poor orphans, were so zealous in their office as to
teach them reading and writing. They fancied there
was something particularly promising about me, which
made them pick me out from all the rest, and send me
on their errands. I was letter-carrier, messenger, and
chapel-clerk. As a token of their gratitude, they un-
dertook to teach me Latin ; but their mode of tuition
was so harsh, and their discipline so severe, though I
was a sort of pet with them, that, not being able to
stand it any longer, I ran away one morning while out
on an errand ; and, so far from returning to the hospi-
tal, got out of Toledo through the suburbs on the Se-
ville side. '
" Though I had not then completed my ninth year, I
already felt the pleasure of being free, and master of my
own actions. I was without money, and without food ;
no matter ? I had no lessons to say by heart, no themes
to hammer out. After having pushed on for two hours,
my little legs began to refuse their office. 1 had never
before made so long a trip. It became necessary to stop
and take some rest. I sat myself down at the foot of a
tree close by the highway ; there, by way of amusement,
I took my grammar out of my pocket, and began con-
ning it over by way of a joke : but, at length, coming to
recollect the raps on the knuckles, and the castigations
on the more classical seat of punishment, which it had
&64 GIL BLA8.
cost me, I tore it leaf by leaf with an apostrophe of an*
gry import. Ah ! you odious thing of a book S you shall
never make me shed tears any more. While I was as-
suaging my vindictive spirit, by strewing the ground
about me with declensions and conjugations, there pass-
ed that way a hermit with a white beard, with a large
pair of spectacles on his nose, and altogether an outside
of much sanctity. He came up to me ; and if I was an
object of speculation to him, he was no less so to me.
' My little man,' said he, with a smile, ' it should seem as if
we had both taken a sudden liking to each other, and,
in that case, we eannot do better than to live together in
my hermitage, which is not two hundred yards distant.'
' Your most obedient for that,' answered I, pertly enough,
* I have not the least desire to turn hermit.' At this an-
swer, the good old man set up a roar of laughter, and
said, with a kind embrace, * You must not be fright-
ened at my dress ; if it is not becoming, it is useful ; it
gives me my title to a charming retreat, and to the good-
will of the neighbouring villages, whose inhabitants love,
or rather idolize me. Come this way, and I will clothe
you in a jacket of the same stuff as mine. If you think
well of it, you shall share with me the pleasures of the
life I lead ; and, if it does not hit your fancy, you shall
not only be at liberty to leave me, but you may depend
on it that, in the event of our parting, I shall not fail to
do something handsome by you. 9
" I suffered myself to be persuaded, and followed the
old hermit, who put several questions to me, which I
answered with a truth-telling simplicity, not always to
be found in a more advanced stage of my morality. On
our arrival at the hermitage, he set some fruit before
me, which I devoured, having eaten nothing all day but
a slice of dry bread, on which 1 had breakfasted at the
hospital in the morning. The recluse, seeing me play
so good a part with my jaws, said, ' Courage, my good
boy, do not spare my fruit ; there is plenty of it, Heaven
be praised. I have not brought you hither to starve
you.' And, indeed, that was true enough; for an hour
after our coming in he kindled a fire, put a leg of mutton
down to roast ; and while I turned the spit, laid a small
table for himself and me, with a very dirty napkin
upon it.
" When the meat was done enough, he took it up, and
cut some slices, for our supper, which was no dry bar-
GIL BULL 866
gain, since we quaffed a delicious wine of which he had
laid in ample store. * Well ! my chicken,' said he, as
we rose from table, * are you satisfied with my style
of living 1 You see how we shall fare every day, if you
fix your quarters here. Then, with respect to liberty,
you shall do just as you please in this hermitage. . All
1 require of you is to accompany me whenever I go
begging to the neighbouring villages ; you will be of use
in driving an ass laden with twq panniers, which the
charitable peasants usually fill with eggs, bread, meat,
and fish. I ask no more than that.' 4 1 will do,' said I,
' whatever you desire, provided you will not oblige me
to learn Latin.' Friar Chrysostom, for that was the old
hermit's name, could not help smiling at my schoolboy
frowardness, and assured me once more that he should
not pretend to interfere either with my studies or my
inclinations.
u On the very next day we went on a foraging-party
with the donkey, which I led by the halter. We made
a profitable gleaning ; for all the farmers tocflt a pleasure
in throwing somewhat into our panniers. One chucked
in an uncut loaf, another a large piece of bacon ; here a
goose, there a pair of giblets, and a partridge to crown
the whole. But, without entering farther into particu-
lars, we carried home provender enough for a week;
and hence you may infer the esteem and friendship in
which the country people held the holy man. It is true
that he was a great blessing to the neighbourhood ; his
advice was always at their service when they came to
consult him : he restored peace where discord had reign-
ed in families, and made up matches for the daughters ;
he had a nostrum for almost any disease you could
mention, with an assortment of pious rituals to avert
the curse of barrenness.
" Hence you perceive that I was in no danger of starv-
ing in my hermitage* My lodging, too, was none of the
worst : stretched on good fresh straw, with a cushion
of ratteen under my head, and a coverlet over me of the
same stuff, 1 made but one nap of It all night. Broth-
~er Chrysostom, who had promised me a hermit's dress,
made up an old gown of his own for me, and called me
little Brother Scipio. No sooner did I appear in my re-
ligious uniform, than the ass's back suffered for my
genteel appearance in the eyes of the villagers. It was
Vol. II. M 33
266 GIL BLA8.
who should give most to the little brother ! so much
were they delighted with his spruce figure.
" The easy, slothful life I led with the old hermit,
could not be very revolting to my age.- On the contra-
ry, it suited my taste so exactly, that I should have con-
tinued it to this time, but that the fates and destinies
were weaving a more complicated tissue for my future
years. It was cast in the figure of my nativity, early
to rouse myself frG;nj tlje effeminacy of a religious life,
and to take leave^of Brother Chrysostom after the fol-
lowing manner:
44 1 often observed the old man at work upon his pil-
low, unsewing and sewing it up again ; and one day I
saw him put in some money. This circumstance ex-
cited a tingling curiosity, which I promised myself to
satisfy the first time he went to Toledo, as he generally
did once a week. I waited impatiently for the day, but
as yet, -without any other motive than the mere desire
of prying. At last, the "good man went his way, and I
unpicked his pillow, w^ene I found, among the stuffing,
the amount of about fifty crowns in all sorts of coin.
" This treasure must have accumulated from the grat-
itude of the peasantry, whom the hermit had cured by
his nostrums, and of their wives, who had become preg-
nant by virtue of his spiritual interference. But, how-
ever it got there, I no sooner set my eyes on the money,
which might be mine without any one near me to say
nay, than the gipsy voice of nature and pedigree spoke
within me. An inextinguishable itch of pilfering tin-
gled in my veins, and proved that we come into the
world with the mark of our descent, and with our char-
acters about us. I yielded to the temptation without a
struggle ; tied up my booty in a canvass bag where we
kept our combs and nightcaps : then, having laid aside
the hermit's, and resumed my foundling's dress, got
clear off from the hermitage, and hugged my bag as
though it had contained the boundless treasures of the
Indies.
44 You have heard my first exploit," continued Scipio,
" and I doubt not but you will expect a succession of
Similar practices. Your anticipations will not be disap-
pointed ; for there are many such evidences of genius
behind, before I come to those of my actions which
prove me good as well as clever : but I shall come to
them, and you will be convinced by the sequel, that a
Gil. BLAS. 267
scoundrel born may be licked into virtue, as the cub of
a bear into shape.
'* Child as I was, I knew better than to take the Tole-
do road : it would have been exposing myself to the
hazard of meeting Friar Chrysostom, who would have
balanced accounts with me on a very thriftless princi-
ple. I therefore travelled in another direction, leading
to the village of Galves, where 1 stopped at an inn, kept
by a landlady who was a widow of forty, and hung out
the bunch of grapes to a very good purpose. This
good woman no sooner kenned me, than, judging by my
dress that I must be a truant from the orphan-school,
she asked me who I was, and whither I was going. I
answered, that, having lost my father and mother, 1 was
looking for a place. ' Can you read, my dear V said
she. 1 assured her that I could read, and write too, with
the best of them. In point of fact, I could just form
my letters, and join them so as to look a little like wri-
ting; and that was clerkship enough for a village pot-
house. ' Then I will take you into my service/ replied
the hostess. * You may earn your board easily enough,
S scoring up the customers, and keeping my leger. I
all give you no wages, because this inn is frequented
by very genteel company, who never forget the waiters.
You may reckon upon very considerable perquisites.'
*' I clinched the bargain, reserving to myself, as you
may suppose, the right of emigration whenever my
abode at Galves should cease to be pleasant. No soon-
er was I settled in my place, than a weight lay heavy
on my mind. I did not wish it to be known that I had
money ; and it was no easy matter to devise where it
should be hidden, so that what was sauce for the goose
should not be sauce for the gander. I was not yet well
enough acquainted with the house to trust the places
obviously most proper for such a deposite. What a
source of embarrassment is great wealth ! I determin-
ed, however, on a corner of our granary under some
straw ; and believing it to be safer there than any-
where else, made myself as easy about it as I well
could.
** The household consisted of three servants : a lub-
berly hostler, a young Galician chambermaid, and my-
self. Each of us sponged what we could upon travellers,
whether on foot or on horseback. 1 always came in
for some small change when the bill was paid, Then
M3
2)68 OIL BLA*
the equestrians gave something to the hostler for t*
king care of their beasts ; but, as for our female fellow*
servant, the muleteers who passed that way chucked
her under the chin, and gave her more crowns than we
got farthings. I had no sooner realized a penny, than
away it went to the granary, and slept with its precur-
sors ; so that the higher rose my heap, the more greedy
did my little heart become. Sometimes would I kiss
the hallowed images of my idolatry, and look at them
with a devotional glow, which few worshippers feel but
those whose religion is their gold.
" This inordinate passion sent me back and fore to
gratify it, at least thirty times a day. I often met the
landlady on the staircase. She, being naturally of a sus-
picious temper, had a mind to find out one day what
could carry me every minute to the corn-loft. She
therefore went up and began rummaging about every-
where, supposing, perhaps, that it was my receptacle for
articles purloined in the house. Of course, she did not
forget to pull the straw about ; and behold, there was
my bag ! Two hands in a dish and one in a purse, was
not one of her proverbs ; so that, finding the contents
in crowns and pistoles, she thought, or seemed to think,
that the money was lawfully and honestly hers. At
least, she had possession, and that is nine points of the
law, though scarcely one of honesty. But, to do the
thing decently, after calling me a little wretch, little ras-
cal, and so forth, she ordered the hostler, a fellow with-
out any will but hers, to give me a hearty flogging : and
then turned me out of doors, with this salt eel for my
breakfast, and a lady-like oath that no light-fingered gen-
try should ever darken her doors. In vain did I protest
and- vow that I had never wronged my mistress: sheaf-
firmed the direct contrary, and her word would go fur-
ther than mine at any time. Thus were Friar Chrysos-
tom's savings transferred from one thief to a greater
thief in the thief-taker.
" I wept oyer the loss of my money as a father over
the death of his only son; and, though my tears could
not bring back what I had lost, they at least answered
the purpose of exciting pity in some people, who saw
how bitterly they flowed, and, among others, in the par-
son, who was accidentally going by. He seemed af-
fected by my sad plight, and took me home with him.
There, to gain my confidence, or rather to pump me, he
IX BLAS. 269
began soothing my sorrows. 'How much this poor
child is to be pitied !' said he. * Is it any wonder if,
thrown upon the wide world at so tender an age, he has
committed a bad action ? Grown-up men-are not always
proof against the flesh or the devil.' Then, addressing
me, * Child,' added he, ' from what part of Spain do you
come, and who are your parents 1 You have the look
of family about you. Open your heart to me confiden-
tially, and depend upon it, I will never desert you.'
"His reverence, by this kind and insinuating lan-
guage, engaged me by degrees to tell him all my history,
without falsification or reserve. I owned every thing :
and thus he moralized on the leading article of my con-
fession : * My little friend, though hermits ought to lay
up such treasures as neither force nor fraud can wrest
from them, that was no excuse for your taking the
measure of punishment into your own hands ; by robbing
Brother Chrysostom, you nevertheless sinned against
that article of the decalogue, which tells you not to
steal ; but I will engage to make the hostess return the
money, and will punctually remit it to the reverend friar
at his hermitage ; you may therefore make your con-
science perfectly easy on that score.' Now, between
ourselves, my conscience was perfectly callous to every
tiling like compunction with respect to the crime in
question. The parson, who had his own ends to an-
swer, had not done with me yet. * My lad,' pursued he,
4 1 mean to take you by the hand, and find .a good birth
for you. I shall send you to-morrow morning, by the
carrier, to my nephew, a canon of Toledo. He will not
refuse, at my request, to admit you upon his establish-
ment, where they live like so many sons of the church,
rosily, merrily, and fatly, upon the rents of his preben-
dal stall ; you will be perfectly comfortable there, take
my word for it.'
" Patronage like this gave me so much encourage-
ment, that I did not throw away another thought either
upon my bag or my whipping. My mind was wholly
occupied with the idea of living rosily, merrily, and fat-
ly, like a son of the church. The following day, at
breakfast-time, there came, according to orders, a mu-
leteer to the parsonage, with two mules saddled and bri-
dled. They helped me to mount one, the muleteer flung
his leg over the other, and we trotted on for Toledo. My
fellow-traveller was a good pleasant companion, and
33*
870 GIL BLAf.
desired nothing better than to indulge his humour at
the expense of his neighbour. 'My little volunteer,'
said he, ' you have a good friend in his reverence, the
minister of Galves. He could not give you a better
proof of his kindness than by placing you with his
nephew the canon, whom I have the honour of know-
ing, far beyond all question or comparison, to be the
cock of the chapter, and a hearty one he is. None of
your lantern-jawed saints, with Lent in his face, a cat-
of-nine-tails on his back, and a cholera morbus in his
belly ! No such thing ! Our doctor is rubicund in the
jowl, efflorescent on the nose, with a wicked eye at a
bumper or a girl ; militant against no earthly pleasure,
but most addicted to the good things of the table. You
will be as snug there as a bug in a blanket. 9
" The hangman of a muleteer, perceiving with what
exquisite satisfaction I took in all this, went on tanta-
lizing me with the joys of an ecclesiastical life. He
never dropped the subject till we got to the village of
Obisa, and stopped there to refresh our mules. Then,
while bustling about the inn, he accidentally dropped a
paper from his pocket, which 1 was cunning enough to
pick up without his seeing me, and took an opportunity
of reading while he was in the stable. It was a letter
addressed to the governors and superintendents of the
orphan school, conceived in these terms : ' Gentlemen,
I consider it as an act at once of charity and of duty to
send you back a little truant; he seems a shrewd lad
enough, and may do very well with good looking after.
By dint of hard and frequent chastisement, I doubt not
but you will ultimately bring him to a sense of his own
unworthiness and your benevolence. May a blessing
be vouchsafed on your pious and charitable labours, for
the early extirpation of sin and wickedness !
(Signed) - 'The Minister op Galves. 1
" When I had finished reading this pleasant letter,
which let me into the good intentions of his reverence
the rector, it required little deliberation to determine
what I was to do: from the inn to the banks of the
Tagus, a space of three good miles, was but a hop, step,
and jump. Fear lent me wings to escape from the
governors of the foundling hospital, whither I was ab-
solutely resolved never to return, having formed prin-
ciples of taste diametrically opposite to their method of
OIL BLAS. 271
teaching the classics. I went into Toledo with as light
a heart as if I had known where to get my daily bread.
To be sure, it is a town of ways and means, where a
man who can live by his wits need never die of hunger.
Scarcely had I reached the high street, when a well-
dressed gentleman, by whom I brushed, caught my arm,
saying, ' My little fellow, do you want a place 1 You
are jnst such a smart lad as 1 was looking for.' And
you are just the master for my money,' answered I.
' Since that is the case, 9 rejoined he, 'you are mine
from this moment, and have only to follow me,' which
I did without asking any more questions.
44 This spark, about the age of thirty, and bearing
the name of Don Abel, lodged in very handsome ready-
furnished apartments. He waa by profession a black-
leg, and the following was t# nature of our engage-
ment. In the morning I got him as much tobacco as
would smoke five or six pipes ; brushed his clothes, and
ran for a barber to shave him and trim his whiskers ;
after which, he made the circle of the tennis-courts,
whence he never returned till eleven or twelve at night*
But every morning, at going out, he gave me three reals
for the expenses of the day, leaving me master of my
own time till ten o'clock in the evening ; and, provided I
was within doors by his return, all was well. He gave
me a livery besides, in which I looked like a little lackey
of illicit love. I took very kindly to my condition, and
certainly could not have met with any more congenial
with my temper.
" Such, and so happy, had been my way of life for
nearly a month, when my employer inquired whether I
liked his service ; and on my answer in the affirmative,
Well, then !' resumed he, ' to-morrow we shall set out
for Seville, whither my concerns call me. You will not
be sorry to see the capital of Andalusia.' * He that hath
not Seville seen,* says the proverb, ' Is no traveller, I
ween.' I engaged at once to follow hint all over the
world. On that very day, the Seville carrier fetched
away a large trunk with my master's wardrobe, and on
the next morning we were on the road for Andalusia.
44 Signor Don Abel was so lucky at play, that he never
lost but when it was convenient ; but then it was sel-
dom convenient to stay long in a place, because those
who are always losers mid out at last, that though
chance is a dangerous antagonist, certainly it is a des-
272 GIL BLAS.
perate one ; and that accounted for our journey. On
our arrival at Seville, we took lodgings near the Cordo-
va gate, and resumed the same mode of life as at To-
ledo. But my master found some difference between
the two towns. The Seville tennis-courts could pro-
duce players equally in fortune's good graces with him-
self; so that he sometimes came home a good deal out
of humour. One morning, when he was biting the bridle
for the loss of a hundred pistoles the day before, he
asked why I had not carried his linen to the laundress.
I pleaded forgetfulness. Thereupon, flying into a pas-
sion, he gave me half a dozen boxes on the ear in such
a style as to kindle an illumination in my blinking eyes,
to which the glories of Solomon's temple were no more
to be compared than the torches in a Candlemas pro-
cession to a rushlight. There is for you, you little
scoundrel !' said he r ' take that, and learn to mind your
business. Must 1 be eternally at your heels to remind
you of what you are to do 1 Are your brains in your
belly, and all your wits in your grinders % You are not
a downright idiot! Then why not prevent my wants
and anticipate my orders V After this experimental lec-
ture, he went out for the day, leaving me in high dud-
geon at a reprimand so much in the manner of my friend
the hostler, for such a trifle as not getting up his things
for the wash.
" I could never learn what happened to htm a short
time after at a tennis-court ; but one evening he came
home in a terrible heat. ( Scipio,' said he, 4 1 am bent
on going to Italy, and must embark the day after to-
morrow on board a vessel bound for Genoa. I have my
reasons for making this little excursion ; of course you
will be glad to attend me, and to profit by so fine an op-
portunity of seeing the loveliest country on the face of
the earth.' My tongue gave consent ; but with a salvo
in my heart, and a bargain with my revenge, to give him
the slip just at the moment of embarcation. This was
so delightful a scheme, that I could not help imparting
it to a bully by profession, whom I met in the street.
During my abode in Seville, I had picked up some awk-
ward acquaintance, and this was one of the most un-
gainly. I told him how and why my ears had been
boxed, and then communicated my project of running
away from Don Abel just before the ship was to sail,
begging to know, what he thought of the plan.
43IL BIAS. 273
" My bluff adviser puckered his eyebrows while he
listened, and with his fingers fiddled about his whiskers;
then, blaming my master very seriously, .' My little hero, 9
said he, * you are eternally disgraced, can never show
your face again, if you sit down quietly with so paltry a
satisfaction as what you propose. To let Don Abel go
off by himself would be a poor revenge for wrongs like
yours; the punishment should be proportioned to his
crime. Let us fine him to the full amount of his purse
and effects, which we will share like brothers after he is
gone.' Now it is to be noted, that though thieving fell
in very naturally with the bent of my genius, the pro-
posal rather startled me, as the robbery was upon a large
scale for so young an apprentice.
" And yet the arch deceiver of my innocence found
the means of working me up to the perpetration, so
that the result of our enterprise was as follows. This
glorious ruffian, a tall, brawny fellow, came in the
evening about twilight to our lodging. I showed him
my master's travelling-trunk ready packed, and asked
him whether he could carry so heavy a load upon his
shoulders. ( So heavy as that !' said he ; 4 show me
where the transfer of property is to be made in my fa-
vour, and I could run with Noah's ark to the top of
Mount Ararat.' To prove his words, he felt the trunk,
flung it carelessly over his back, and scampered down
stairs. I followed nimbly ; and we had just got to the
street door, when Don Abel, brought home in the nick
of time by the ascendency of his lucky stars, stood like
an apparition to appal our guilty souls.
" ' Whither are you going with that trunk V said he*
I was so taken by surprise, that my assurance failed
me ; and broad-shoulders, finding that he had drawn a
blank in the lottery, threw down his booty, and took to
his heels rather than be troubled for an explanation.
' Once more, whither are you going with that trunk V
said my master. ( Sir,' answered I, with all the honest
simplicity of a criminal, pleading in arrest of judgment,
*I was going to put it on board the vessel, that we
might have the less to do to-morrow, before we embark
ourselves.' * Indeed! Then you know,' retorted he,
1 in what ship I have taken my passage V ' No, sir,*
replied I, * but those who can talk Latin may always
find their way to Rome ; I should have inquired at the
port, and somebody would have informed roe.' At this
M3
274 aiL bla&
explanation, which left his opinion where it found it, he
darted a furious glance at me. I thought for ail the
world he was going to cuff me again about the head.
' Who ordered you,' cried he, ' to take my trunk out of
this house V 4 You, your own self,' said I. ' Can you
possibly have forgotten how you rated me but a few
days ago 1 Did not you tell me, with a flea in my ear,
that you would have me prevent your wants, and do
beforehand from my own head whatever your service
might require ? Now, not to be thrashed a second
time for want of forethought, 1 was seeing your trunk
safe and soon enough on board.' On this the gamester,
finding that I had cut my teeth of wisdom sooner than
suited his purpose, turned me off very coolly, saying,
4 Go about your business, Master Scipio, and speed as
you may deserve ! I do not like to play with folks who
are in the habit of revoking. Get out of my sight, or I
shall set your solfeggio in a crying key.'
" I spared him the trouble of telling me to go twice.
Off I shot like an arrow, for fear he should unfledge me,
by taking away my livery. When distant enough to
slacken my pace, I walked along the streets, musing
whither I might betake myself for a night's lodging,
with only two reals in my pocket. The gate of the
archbishop's palace at length stared me in the face;
and, as his grace's supper was then dressing, a savoury
odour exhaled from the kitchens, impregnating the gale
with soup and sauce for a mile round. Ods haricots
and cutlets ! thought I, it would be no hard matter for
me to dispense with one of those little side dishes,
which will be of no use to the archbishop but to make
out the figure of his table : nay, I would be contented
only just to dip in my four fingers and thumb, and then
to sup like a bear upon suckings. But how to accom-
plish it! Is there no way of bringing these choice
morsels to a better test than that of smell 1 And why
not? Hunger, they say, will break through stone
walls. On this idea did I set my wits to work ; and,
by dint of conning over the subject, a stratagem struck
me which set my lungs as well as appetite in motion,
just as the old carpenter kept bawling, * I have found
it, 1 like a madman, when he had hit the right nail of
his proposition on the head. I ran into the court of the
palace, and made the best of my way to the kitchens,
calling out, with all my might, ' Help ! help !' as if some
^ssassin had been at my heels.
felt BLAB. 275
"At my reiterated cries, Master Diego, the arch-
bishop's cook, ran with three or four kitchen drudges
to learn what was the matter; and seeing only me,
asked why I roared so loud. * Ah ! good sir,' answer-
ed I, with every token of exquisite distress. 'For
mercy's sake and for St. Polycarp's ! save me, I be-
seech you, from the fury of a blusterer, who swears he
will kill me.' ( But where is this disturber of the public
peace V cried Diego. 'You have no one to quarrel
with but yourself ; for I do not see so much as a cat to
spit at you. Go your ways, my little man, and do not
be afraid ; it is evidently some wag who has been play-
ing upon your cowardice for his diversion ; but he knew
better than to follow you within these walls, for we
would have cut his ears off at the least.' ' No, no, 9
said I, ' it was for no laughing matter that he ran after
me. He is a noted footpad, and meant to rob me ; I
am certain that he is now waiting for me at the corner
of the street.' 'Then he may wait long enough,' re-
plied the knight of the iron spit ; ' for you shall stay here
till to-morrow. You shall sup with us, and we will
give you a bed.'
" 1 was out of my little wits with joy at the mention
of these last tidings ; and it was like the turnpike-road
to paradise after crossing an Arabian desert, when, be-
ing led by Master Diego through the kitchens, I there
saw my lord archbishop's supper, and the stewpans in
the last throes of parturition. There were fifteen ac-
countable souls, for I reckoned them up, in attendance
on the labour ; but the litter of dishes far out-numbered
the fecundity of nature in her most prolific mood : so
much more gracious and bountiful is Providence to the
heads of the church in the indulgence of their appetites,
than mindful of the worthless brute creation in the
Eropagation of its kind. Here it was, at the fountain-
ead of prelacy, inhaling an atmosphere of gravy, in-
stead of just snuffing the scent as it lay upon the
breeze, that I first shook hands with sensuality. I had
the honour of supping with the scullions, and of sleep-
ing in their room ; an initiation of friendship so sincere
and strong, that on the following day, when I went to
thank Master Diego for his goodness in vouchsafing me
a refuge, he said, ' Our kitchen lads have been with
me in a body, to declare how excessively delighted
they are with your manners, and to propose having
*
2T6 Gil BIAS.
yon among them as a fellow-servant. How should you,
on your part, like to make one of the society !' 1 an-
swered, ' that with such a feather in my cap, I should be
the vainest and the happiest of mortals. 1 * Then so be
it, my friend,' replied he ; * consider yourself henceforth
as a buttress of the hierarchy. ' With this invitation, he
introduced me to the major-domo, who thought he saw
talent enough in me for a turnspit.
" No sooner was 1 in possession of so honourable an
office, than Master Diego, following the practice of
cooks in great houses, who pamper up their pretty
dears in private with all sorts of good things, selected
me to supply a lady in the neighbourhood with a regu-
lar table of butcher's meat, poultry, and game. This
good friend of his was a widow on the right side of
thirty, very pretty, very lively, and, to all appearance,
contenting herself with cupboard love for her cook.
His generous passion was not confined to furnishing
-her with bread, meat, and garnish : she drank her wine
too, and the archbishop was her wine-merchant,
" The improvement of my parts kept pace with that
of my carnal condition in his grace's palace ; where 1
gave a specimen of my rising genius, still 'ringing on
the tramp of fame at Seville. The pages and some
others of the household had a mind to get up a play on
the lord archbishop's birthday. They chose a popular
Spanish tragedy ; and wanting a boy about my age to
personate the young King of Leon, cast me for the part
The major-domo, a great spouter, undertook to train
roe for the stage ; and after a few lessons, pronounced
(that I should not be the worst actor of the company.
His grace not wishing to starve so handsome a compli-
ment to himself, no expense was spared in getting it up
magnificently. The largest hall in the palace was fit-
ted up as a theatre, with appropriate decorations. At
the side scene there was a bed of turf, on which I was
to be discovered asleep, when the Moors were to rush
in and take me prisoner. When we had got so for-
ward with our rehearsals as to be sure of being ready
toy the time fixed, the archbishop sent out cards of invi-
tation to all the principal families m the city.
"At length, the great, the important day arrived;
and eaeh performer was big with the contrivance and
adjustment of his dress. Mine was brought by a tailor,
accompanied by our major-domo, whot alter taking the
GIL 8tA8 877
trouble of drilling me at rehearsal, wished to see jus*
tice done to my outward appearance. The tailor put
me on a rich robe of blue velvet, with hanging sleeves,
gold lace, fringe, and buttons s the major-domo himself
crowned me with a pasteboard crown, studded with
false diamonds and real pearls. Moreover* they gave
me a sash of pink silk worked in silver; so- that every
new ornament was like a quill-feather in the wing of a
bird. At last, about dusk, the play began* The curtain
drew up for my soliloquy ; the purport of which was to
express, in a roundabout, poetical way, that, not being
able to defend myself from the influence of sleep* I was
going to lie down and take it as it came. To suit the
action to the word, i sidled off to the corner between
the flat and the wings, and squatted down on my bed
of turf; but, instead of going to sleep, according to
promise, I was hammering upon the means of getting
into the street, and running away with my coronation
finery. A little private staircase, leading under the
theatre into the lower saloon, seemed to furnish the
probability of success. 1 slid away slyly, while the
audience were considering some necessary question of
the play, and ran down the staircase* through the sa*
loon, to the door* calling out, ' Make way I make way ! t
must change my dress, and run up again in a moment I*
They all made a lane for fear of hindering me ; so that*
in less than two minutes, I got clear out of the palace*
under cover of the darkness, and scampered to the
house of my friend who saw gentlemen's trunks safe on
board.
" He stared like a stuck pig at my equipment! But
when I let him into the why and the wherefore, he laugh*
ed ready to split his sides. Then, shaking hands, in the
sincerity of his heart, because he flattered himself with
the hope of a pension on the King of Leon's civil list*
he wished me joy of so successful a first appearance*
and joined issue with the major-domo in the prognostic*
that with encouragement and practice I should turn out
a firstrate actor, and make no little noise in the world.
After we had diverted ourselves for some time at the
expense of my manager and audience, I said to the
bully, ' What shall we do with this magnificent dress V
' Do not make yourself uneasy about that,' answered
he. * 1 know an honest broker, without an atom of
curiosity in his composition, who will buy or sell any
24
18 GIL BLAS.
thing with any person, provided that he gets the turn
of the market upon the transaction. I will fetch him to
you to-morrow.' The knowing fellow was as good as
his word ; for he went out early next day, leaving me
in bed, and returned two hours afterward with the
broker, carrying a yellow bundle under his arm. ' My
friend,' said he, 'give me leave to introduce Signor
Ybagnez, of Segovia, who, in spite of the bad example
set him by the trade in general, trusts to fair dealing
and small profits for a moderate pittance and an un-
blemished character. He will tell you to a fraction what
the dress you want to part with is really worth, and you
may take his calculation as the balance of justice be-
tween man and man.' ' Oh yes 1 to a nicety,' said the
broker. 'Else wherefore live I in a Christian land, but
to appraise for my neighbour as for myself 1 To take a
mean advantage never was, thank Heaven I and at these
years never shall be, imputed to Ybagnez of Segovia.
Let us look a little at those articles I You are the sel-
ler ; I am the buyer ! We have only to agree upon an
equitable price.' ( Here they are,' said the bully, pul-
ling them out : 'now own the truth : was there ever any
thing more magnificent! You do not often see such
velvet ; and then the trimming V * You cannot say too
much of it,' answered the salesman, examining the suit
% with the prying eye of a dealer; ( it is of the very first
' quality.' ' And what think you of the pearls upon this
crown 1' resumed my friend. 'A little rounder,' ob-
served Ybagnez, ' and there would be no setting a price
upon them ! however, take them as they are, it is a
very fine set, and I do not want to find fault about
trifles. Now, your common run of appraisers, under
my circumstances, would affect to disparage the goods
for the sake of getting them cheaper; one of those fel-
lows would have the conscience to offer twenty pis-
toles ; but there is nothing like bargaining with an up*
right, downright man ! I will give forty at a word:
take them or leave them !'
" Had Ybagnez ventured up to a hundred, he would
not have burnt his fingers ; for the pearls alone would
have fetched two hundred anywhere. The bully, who
went snacks, then said, ' Now only look ! what a mer-
cy it is to fall into the hands of a man not of this
world. Signor Ybagnez estimates money as dross, in
comparison of his principles and his soul. He might
OIL BLAS. 279
die to-night, and yet not be taken unprepared !' ' That
is too much ! You make me blush,' said the salesman
of principle and soul ; * but so far is true, that my price
is always fixed. Well, now, is it a bargain? The
money down upon the nail, too !' ' Stop a moment !'
answered the bully ; * my little friend must try on the
clothes you have brought for him by my order : I am
very much mistaken if they will not just fit him.' The
salesman then, untying his bundle, showed me a second-
hand suit of dark cloth with silver buttons. 1 got up,
and got into it ; too big for me every way ! but these
gentlemen could have sworn it had been made to my
measure. Ybagnez put it at ten pistoles; and as he
was an upright, downright man, of fixed principle and
soul, estimating money as dross in comparison of in-
tegrity, his first price was of course his last* He
therefore took out his purse, and counted down thirty
pistoles upon a table; after which he packed up the
King of Leon's regalia, and went his way.
" When he was gone, the bully said, * I am very
well satisfied with that broker. 9 And so he well might
be ! for I am certain he must have received at least a
hundred pistoles as hush-money. But there was no
reason why the broker's benevolence should pay the
debts of my gratitude : so he took half the money on
the table, without saying with your leave or by your
leave, and suffered me to pocket the remainder, with
the following advice : ' My dear Scipio, with that bal-
ance of fifteen pistoles, I would have you get out of
this town as fast as you can ; for you may suppose that
my lord archbishop will ferret you out if you are above
ground. It would grieve me to the heart if, after hav-
ing risen so superior to the prejudice of honesty, yon
had the weakness to fall foul of what alone keeps it
afloat, the house of correction.' I answered that it was
my fixed purpose to make myself scarce at Seville ;
and accordingly, after buying a hat and some shirts, I
travelled through vineyards and olive-groves to the an-
cient eity of Carmona; and in three days afterward
arrived at Cordova.
" I put up at an inn close by the market-place, giving
myself out for the heir of a good family at Toledo,
travelling for his pleasure. My appearance did not
belie the story ; and a few pistoles, which I contrived
carelessly to chink within the landlord's hearing, pinned
280 GIL BLAS.
bis faith upon my veracity. Probably my unfledged
youth might lead him to take me for some graceless
Utile truant, who had robbed his parents and run away.
But that was no concern of his ; he took th6 thing just
as I gave it him, for fear lest his curiosity should clash
with my continuance at his house. For six reals a day,
one could lire like a gentleman at this inn, where there
was generally a considerable concourse of company.
About a dozen people sat down at supper. It was
whimsical enough ; but the whole party plied their
knives and forks without speaking a word, except one
man, who talked incessantly, right or wrong, and made
up for the silence of the rest by his eternal babble. He
affected to be a wit, to tell a good story, and took great
pains to make the good folks merry by his puns ; and
accordingly they did laugh most inextinguishably ; but
it was at him, not with him.
" For my part, I paid so little attention to the talk of
this rattle, that I should have got up from table without
knowing what it was all about, if he had not brought it
home to my business and my bosom. 'Gentlemen,'
cried he, just as supper was over, * I have kept my best
story for the last ; a very droll thing happened within
these few days at the Archbishop of Seville's palace.
I had it from a young fellow of my acquaintance, who
assures me that he was present at the time.' These
words made my heart jump up into my throat ; for I
had no doubt of this being my exploit ; and so it turned
out. This pleasant gentleman related the facts as they
actually happened, and even carried the adventure to its
conclusion, of which I was as yet ignorant; but now
you shall be made as wise as myself.
** No sooner had I absconded, than the Moors, who
were, according to the progress of the fable and the
rising of the interest, to lay violent hands on me, ap-
peared upon the stage for the fell purpose of surprising
me on my bed of turf, where the author had given them
reason to expect me fast asleep ; but when they thought
they were just going to capot the King of Leon, they
found, to their surprise, that both the king and the knave
made a trick against them. Here was a hole in the
ballad ! The actors all lost their cue : some of them
called me by name, others ran to look for me ; "here is
a fellow bawling as though his bellows would burst,
there stands another, muttering to himself about the
GIL BLAB. 281
devil, just as if that reptile could stand upright in such
a presence ! The archbishop, perceiving trouble and
confusion to lord it behind the scenes, asked what was
the matter. At the sound of the prelate's voice, a
page, who was the fiddle of the piece, came to the front
and spoke thus: 4 My lord archbishop, ladies and gen-
tlemen ! We are extremely sorry to inform you, as
players, but extremely glad, as men and Christians, that
the King of Leon as at present in no danger whatever
of being taken prisoner by the Moors : he ha3 adopted
effectual measures for the security of his royal person;
and to the royal person, as liberty avails little without
property, he has irrevocably attached the crown, insig-
nia, and robes.' * And a happy deliverance for himself
and Christendom !' exclaimed the archbishop. ' He has
done perfectly right to escape from the enemies of our
religion, and to burst from the bonds in which their malice
would have laid him. By this time, probably, he has
reached the confines of his kingdom, or may have en-
tered the capital. M ay no unlucky accident have retarded
him on his. journey I And that the sin of none such may
lie heavy on my conscience, 1 beg leave very positively
to make my pleasure known, that he may proceed un-
molested by any interruption from this quarter ; I should
be highly mortified, indeed, if his majesty's pious en-
deavours were to be. frustrated by the slightest indignity
from the ministers of that religion in whose cause he
labours and suffers.' The prelate, having thus declared
his acquiescence in the motives of my flight, ordered
my part to be read, and the play to be resumed.' 9
CHAPTER XL
CONTINUATION OF SCipio's 8TORY.
" As long as I had money in my purse, my landlord
was cap in hand ; but the moment he began to suspect
that the funds were low, he became high and mighty,
picked a German quarrel with me, and one morning be-
fore breakfast begged it as a favour of me to march out
of his house. I followed his counsel as proudly as you
please, and betook me to a church belonging to the fa-
thers of St. Dominic, where, while mass was perform-
24*
(
282 GIL BLAS.
ing, an old beggar accosted me on the usual topic of
alms. I dropped some small change into his hat, which
was truly the orphan's mite, saying, at the same
time, 'My friend, remember, in your prayers, to
mention a situation for me ; if your petition is heard
with faToar, it shall be ail the better for you ; hearty
thanks and a handsome poundage.'
"At these words the beggar surveyed me up and
down from head to foot, and answered in a grave tone,
What place would you wish to have V * I should like,'
replied I, ' to be footman in some family where I should
do well.' He inquired whether the matter pressed.
' With all possible importunity,' said I ; for unless I
have the good luck to get settled very soon, the alter-
native will be horrible ; death by the gripe of absolute
famine, or a livelihood in the ranks of your fraternity.'
' If the latter were, after all, to be your lot, 1 resumed
he, ' it certainly would be rather hard upon you, who
have not been brought up to our habits of life ; but, with
a little use and practice, you would prefer our condition
to service, which, partiality apart, is far less respecta-
ble than the beggar's vocation. Nevertheless, since
you like a menial occupation better than leading a free
and independent life like me, you shall have a birth
without more ado. Mean as my appearance is, you
must not measure my power by it. Meet me here at
the same hour to-morrow.'
" I took care to keep the appointment. Though art
the spot before the time, I had not long to wait before
the beggar joined me, and told me to follow him* I did
so. He led me to a cellar not far from the church,
where he resided. We went in together; and, sitting
down on a long bench, at least a hundred years the
worse for wear, the conversation took this turn on his
part : ' A good action, as the proverb says, always
meets with its reward : you gave me alms yesterday,
and that has determined me to get you a place ; which
Shall be soon done, with a blessing on my endeavours.
I know an old Dominican, by name Father Alexis, a holy
monk, a ghostly confessor. I have the honour to do
all his little odd jobs, performing my task with so much
discretion and good faith, that he always lends his in-
terest to me and my friends. I have spoken to him
about you, and in such terms as to prepossess him in
your favour. Yon may be introduced to his reverence
whenever you please.'
OIL BLAB. 283
* * There is not a moment to be lost,' said I to the
old beggar ; * let us go to the good monk immediately. 9
The mendicant agreed, and led me by the arm to Father
Alexis, whom we found in his room, hard at work, wri-
ting spiritual letters. He broke off to talk with me.
* As it was the wish of the mendicant, he would do all
in his power to serve me. Having learned,' pursued he,
* that Signor Balthasar Velasquez is in want of a foot*
boy, I wrote to him this morning on your behalf, and
be just sent me for answer that he would take you,
without further inquiry, on my recommendation. This
very day you may call on him from me ; he is one of
my flock, and my very good friend.' Thereupon the
monk preached \o me for three quarters of an hour on
my moral and religious duties, and how to fulfil them
in conscience and honour. He enlarged principally on
the obligation of serving Velasquez with diligence and
devotion ; and then assured me that he would take care
and keep me in my place, provided my master had no
very material fault to find with me.
" After having thanked the holy person for his good-
ness towards me, 1 left the convent with the beggar,
Who told me that Signor Balthasar Velasquez was an
Did woollen-draper, but with much simplicity and good-
nature in his character. ( 1 doubt not,' added he, ' but
yon will be perfectly comfortable in his house.' I beg-
ged to know his place of residence, and repaired thither
immediately, after promising to make my gratitude
manifest as soon as I had taken root in my new soil.
I went into a large shop, where two fashionable young
apprentices were walking up and down, practising new
frimaces against the entrance of the next customer,
inquired whether their master was at home, saying
that I wanted to speak with him from Father Alexis.
At that venerable name, they showed me into the
counting-house, where their principal was turning over
(he leger. I made a low bow ; ana, coming up to him,
* Sir,' said I, * Father Alexis ordered me to call here and
offer myself as a servant to your honour.' 'Ah! my
smart lad,' answered he, 'you are heartily welcome.
It is enough that the holy man sent you ; and I shall
take you in preference to three or four others who have
been recommended. It is a clear case : your wages
begin from this day.'
** A very abort time in the family convinced me that
284 GIL BLAt.
the head of it was just such a man as he had been de-
scribed. In point of simplicity, he was every thing that
could be wished ; so exquisite a subject for imposition,
that it seemed next to an impossibility not to exercise
my craft upon such a handle ! He had been a widower
four years, and had two children, a son of five-and-
twenty, and a daughter in her eleventh year. The girl,
brought up by a severe duenna, under the spiritual con-
duct of Father Alexis, walked in the high road of vir-
tue; but her brother, Gaspard Velasquez* though no
pains had been spared to make a good man of him,
picked out for himself all the vices of a young profli-
gate. Sometimes he stayed away from home two or
three days together ; and if, on his return, he ventured
to remonstrate in the least against his proceedings,
Gaspard shut his mouth at once, with a haughty toss
of the head and an impertinent answer.
" * Scipio,' said the old man one day, * my son is the
plague of my life. He is over head and ears in all kinds
of debauchery : and yet there is no accounting for it,
since his education was by no means neglected. I have
given him the very best masters ; and my friend, Father
Alexis, has done his utmost to train him up in the way
he should go ; but there was no breaking him in ; master
Gaspard ran restiff, and bolted into downright libertin-
ism. You may, perhaps, tell me that 1 spared the rod
and spoiled the child. Quite otherwise ! he was punish-
ed .whenever the occasion seemed to demand it; for,
though good-tempered at bottom, 1 am not to be played
upon. I have even gone so far as to lock him up, but
that only made him more headstrong than before* In
short, he is one of those impracticable beings on whom
good example, good adviee, and a good horsewhip, are
equally thrown away. If ever he makes any figure in
the world, it must be by a miracle from heaven.'
" Though my heart was not grievously wrung by the
sorrows of this unhappy father, sympathy was. expected
from me, and I condoled with him accordingly. ' How
much to be pitied you are, sir !' said I. * Virtues like
yours deserved to have been handed down in your pro-
geny.' ' The event is quite the reverse, my good lad,'
answered he. ' Heaven heard my prayer, and gave me
a son, but converted the blessing into an affliction.
Among other grounds of complaint against Gaspard, I
may tell you, in confidence, there is one which gives me
GIL BLA8. x 285
a great deal of uneasiness ; a vast longing to rob his old
father, which he too often finds the means of satisfying,
in spite of all my caution. Your predecessor played
into his hands, and was turned away in consequence. As
for you, I flatter myself that my son will never be able
to tamper with your honesty. You will take my side of
the question ; for doubtless Father Alexis has given you
your lesson on that head.'' You may rest assured of
that,' said I ; * for a good long hour did his reverence
lecture me on doing your will and pleasure without let
or hinderance ; but, I can assure you, there was no need
of his saying any thing about the matter. I feel within
myself a sort of call to serve you faithfully, and I prom-
ise to do it with a zeal beyond all the temptations of the
world to shake or lessen.'
" Afe who only hears one side is in danger of deciding
partially. Young Valasquez, a mixture of the fribble
and the braggart, concluding from the cut of my coun-
tenance that I was made up for mortal frailty like my
predecessor, drew me aside to a snug corner, and there
talked to me after this fashion* ' Now mind what is said
to you, my dear fellow ; you may think that I do not
know that you are set as a spy upon me by my rather;
but take especial care how you proceed, for 1 can assure
you most sincerely, that the office is not without very
considerable inconvenience to those who undertake it.
If ever I find that you tell tales out of school, I will give
you such a basting as you never had in your life : but
if you will make common cause with me, and a fool of
my rather, you may buy golden returns of gratitude from
your humble servant. Do you wish me to deal with
you upon the nail 1 You shall go snacks in all that we
can squeeze out of the old fellow. You have only to
take your choice : fall at once into the ranks either of
father or son ; for neutrals will come worst off where
the contending parties fight for their existence. 9
" ' Sir,' answered I, ' you make the shoe pinch very
tight; it is self-evident that there is nothing for me to
do but to enlist under your banners, though in my con-
science it seems like a crying sin to betray Signor Ve-
lasquez.' ' That is no concern of yours,' rejoined Gas-
pard : * he is an old hunks, who wants to keep me under
his thumb ; a curmudgeon, who refuses me the rights of
nature, in refusing to stand to the expenses and repairs
of my pleasures; for pleasures are the necessaries of
686- &IL BLAB.
life at five-and-twenty. It is in this point of view that
you must form your opinion of my father. 9 * If that is
the case, so be it, sir,' said I; "there is no standing
against so just a subject of complaint. I am quite at
your service to play second fiddle in all your laudable
enterprises : but let us take especial care to conceal our
good understanding, for fear your faithful humble ser-
vant should be kicked out of doors. It will not be
amiss, in my poor opinion, for you to affect an extreme
antipathy against me : some good round abuse would
have a very pretty effect ; you need not be nice ; all the
blackguard terms in the dictionary will come at your
call. Nay, a box on the ear now and then, or a kick on
the breech, will break no squares ; on the contrary, the
more you express your thorough dislike, the more Signor
Balthasar will pin his faith upon my sleeve. My cue will
be, apparently to avoid speaking to you if possible. In
waiting at table, I shall perform my little attentions to
you at arm's length ; and, whenever your honour may
happen to be called over the coals by the shopmen, you
must not take it amiss if I abuse you worse than a
pickpocket.'
" ( As plain as chalk for cheese V cried young Velas-
quez at this hint ; * this is admirable, my friend ; at your
early age, it is uncommon to meet with such a talent
for intrigue ; I consider it as a most happy omen for my
purpose. With such a performer to play up to me, I
flatter myself the old codger will be pinched to the bone
and left penniless.' * You really carry your good opin-
ion of me beyond what my merit will justify, 9 said I ;
' some industry may fall to my share, but not such ex-
alted genius. But I shall do my utmost ; and, if my hon-
est endeavours fail, your candour must find excuses for
my imbecility/
" It was not long before Gaspard had proof positive
that I was to a hair's breadth the very man he wanted,
and the following was precisely the first trick that I
played into his hand ; Balthasar's strong-box was in the
good man's chamber, by his bedside, a sort of oratory,
with a prayer-book always lying upon it. Every time I
looked that way, my eyes glistened with hope and pleas-
ure ; my heart chuckled over the very idea of what might
happen ' Fair, sweet, cruel box, .will you for ever be coy
to my addresses ? May 1 never experience the heart-
felt delight of possessing all your charms, for better for
OIL BLA8. 287
worse V As I went into the room at pleasure, and only*
Gaspard was warned off the premises, it happened one
day that I watched his father. The old gentleman, fan-
cying himself unobserved of human eye, after having
opened his treasury and closed it fast again, hid the key
behind the hangings* I took an accurate observation of
the place, and communicated the discovery to my young
master, who said, with an approving hug, * Ah ! my dear
Scioto, what glorious news you bring 1 Our fortune is
made, my dear fellow. I will furnish you with wax :
you shall take the impression of the key, and then our
business is done. There will be no difficulty in finding
a benevolent locksmith in Cordova, where, to do the
place justice, there are as many rogues as in any part
of Spain.'
" ' Well ! but why,' said I to Gaspard, ' do you want a
false key! We may find our account in the proper
one.' * Yes, 1 answered he, ' but I am afraid lest my fa-
ther, through mistrust or whim, should take a fancy to
hiding it elsewhere ; and the safest way is to have one
of our own.' I commended his precaution, and falling
in with aH his principles, got ready for taking the impres-
sion of the key : this was effected one morning early,
while my old master was paying a visit to Father Alexis,
with whom he for the most part held very long confer-
ences. I did not stop here, but availed myself of the
key to open the strong-box, wherein an ample range of
large and small bags threw me into the most delightful
perplexity imaginable. I did not know which to choose,
there was such a family likeness among them ; never-
theless, as the- fear of being caught did not allow of
any long deliberation, I laid hands, hap-hazard, on the
largest.
" Then locking the box carefully, and putting the key
carefully back again behind the hangings, 1 got away
out of the chamber with my booty, and hid it under my
bed, in a small closet where, I lay.
" Having performed this exploit so successfully, I ran
back as fast as my legs could carry me to young Velas-
quez, who was waiting at a house where he had given
me notice to meet him, and his delight was extreme at
the recital of what I had just done. He was so fully
satisfied with me as to lavish caresses without num-
ber, and to offer me thrice, in the fulness of his heart,
half the contests of his bag, which 1 did thrice refuss.
288 GIL BLAS.
* No, no, sir,' said I, c ihis first bag is yours* and yodtt
only ; apply it to your own uses and occasions. I shaL
return forthwith to the strong-box, where, as our lucky
stars have contrived it, there is money enough for both
of us. 9 Accordingly, three days afterward, I carried off
a second bag, containing, like the first, five hundred
crowns, of which I could only handle a fourth part, let
6a8pard be as pressing as he pleased to force upon me
a brotherly division, share and share alike.
" As soon as this young man found himself so flush
of money, and consequently in a condition to gratify his
hankering after women and play, he gave himself up en-
tirely to the devices of his own imagination ; nay, his evil
genius pursued him so far as to make him fall despe*
rately in love with one of those female harpies, who de-
vour without remorse or intermission, and swallow up
the largest fortunes. His disbursements at her instiga-
tion were frightful ; and thus it became necessary for
me to pay so many visits to the strong-box, that old
Velasquez at length found out he had been robbed.
4 Scipio,' said he one morning, * I must give you a piece
of information ; some one robs me, my friend ; my
strong-box has been opened ; several bags have been ta-
ken out, that is a certain fact. Whom ought I to accuse
of this theft ! or rather, who else but my own son can
have committed it t Gaspard must have got by stealth
into my chamber, or else you yourself must have played
booty with him ; for I am tempted to believe you in
league with him, though to outward appearance you do
not set up your horses together. And yet I am un-
willing to harbour that suspicion, because Father Fe-
lix undertook to answer for your honesty.' I gave him
to understand that, by the blessing of Heaven on a good
natural disposition, my neighbour's goods had no temp-
tation in my sight t and 1 so happily suited the action
to the lie, and the lie to the action, that my judge pro*
nounced a verdict of acquittal on the evidence of gri
mace and hypocrisy.
" Accordingly the old man dropped the subject ; but
for all that, there was a general misgiving in his breast,
and it would sometimes light upon me ; taking precau-
tions, therefore, against our further attacks, he had a
new lock put to his strong-box, and always carried the
key in his pocket. By these means, an embargo being
laid on our traffic with the bags, we looked excessively
OIL BLAS. 289
foolish, especially Gaspard, who, being unable any longer
to keep his nymph in her usual style, knew very well
that he was likely to be tossed out of her window. He
had, however, invention enough to devise an expedient
for keeping his head above water a few days longer, and
that was neither more nor less than, to get into his
clutches, in the form of a loan, my dividend on the joint
stock of the strong-box. I refundled to the last farthing ;
and this restitution, it is to be hoped, may be set off as
an anticipated act of justice to the old draper, in the
person of his heir.
" The young man, having exhausted this scanty sup-
ply, and desperate of any other, fell into a deep melan-
oholy* and into ultimate derangement. He no longer
looked on his father in any other light than as the bane
of his life. His phrensy broke out into the most dread-
ful projects ; so that, without listening to the voice of
consanguinity or nature, the wretch conceived the im-
pious design of poisoning him. He was not content
with making me privy to the atrocious design { but even
proposed to render me the instrument of parricide. At
the very thought my blood ran cold within me. ' Sir,'
said I, * is it possible that you are so rejected of Heav-
en as to have formed this horrid plot t What ! is it in
your nature to murder the author of your existence ?
Shall Spain, the favoured abode of the Christian faith,
bear witness to the commission of a crime, at the first
blush of which transatlantic savages would recoil with
horror? No, my dear master,' added I, throwing my-
self on my knees, * no, you will not be guilty of an ac-
tion which would raise the hand of all mankind against
you, and be overtaken by an infamous punishment. 9
" I pressed many arguments besides on Gaspard, to dis-
suade him from so fearful an enterprise. How the dense
I came by all the moral and religious topics which I
brought to act against the fortress of his despair, is more
than I can account for ; but it is certain that I preached
like a doctor of Salamanca, though a mere stripling, born
of a gipsy fortune-teller. And yet it was to no purpose
that I suggested the duty of communing with his own
better resolutions, and stoutly wrestling with the fiend,
who was, lying in wait for his immortal soul ; my pious
eloquence was dissipated into air. His head hung sul-
lenly on his bosom, and his tongue uttered no sound, in
answer to all my mollifying exhortations, so that there
Vol. 1L N 25
290 GIL BIAS.
was every reason to conclude that he would not swerve
from his purpose.
" Hereupon, taking my own measures, I requested a
private interview with my old master ; and being clos-
eted with him, * Sir,' said I, * allow me to throw myself
at your feet, and to implore your pity. 9 In pathetic ac-
cord with my moving accents, I prostrated myself be-
fore him, with my face all bathed in tears. The mer-
chant, surprised at what he saw and heard, asked the
cause of my distress. ' Remorse of conscience and re-
pentance,' answered I ; ' but neither repentance nor re-
morse can ever wash out my guilt. I have been weak
enough to give ear to your son, and to be his accomplice
in robbing you. 9 To this confession I added a sincere
acknowledgment of all that had happened, with the par-
ticulars of my late conversation with Gaspard, whose
design I laid open without the least reserve.
" Bad as was the opinion which old Velasquez enter-
tained of his son, he could scarcely believe his ears.
Nevertheless, finding no good reason to distrust the
truth of my account, * Scipio,* said he, raising me from
the ground, where I had till now been prostrate at his
feet, ( I forgive you in consideration of the important
notice you have communicated. Gaspard !* pursued he,
raising his voice up to the loudness of anguish, 'does
Gaspard aim a blow at my life ? Ah ! ungrateful son, un-
natural monster ! better thou hadst never been born, or
stifled at thy birth, than to have been reared for the de-
struction of thy father! What plea, what object, what
palliation of the atrocious deed ? I furnished thee an-
nually with a reasonable allowance for thy pleasure*,
and what wouldst thou have more ? Must I have drained
my fortune to the dregs to support thee in thy extrava-
gance V Having vented his feelings in this bitter apos-
trophe, he enjoined secrecy on me, and told me to leave
him alone, while he considered how to act in so delicate
a conjuncture.
" I was very anxious to know what resolution this
unhappy father would take, when on that very day he
sent for Gaspard, and addressed him thus, without be-
traying the inward emotions of his heart : ' My son, I
have received a letter from Merida, purporting that, if
you are disposed to marry, you may make a match with
a very fine girl of fifteen, with a handsome fortune in
her pocket. If you have not foresworn that happy and
Gil. BLASr 291
holy estate, we will set out to-morrow morning by day-
break for Merida : you will see the lady in question, and,
if she hits your fancy, the business may soon be settled.'
Gaspard, pricking up his ears at a handsome fortune,
and already fingering the cash by anticipation, answer-
ed unhesitatingly that he was ready to undertake the
journey ; and accordingly they departed the following
day at sunrise, without attendants, mounted on good
mules.
" Having reached the mountains of Fesira, in a de-
lightful spot for the operations of banditti, but. terror-
stirring to the timid souls of travellers, Balthasar dis-
mounted, and desired his son to do likewise. The young
man obeyed, but expressed his surprise at such a requi-
sition, in so lonely a place. ' I will tell you the reason
presently,' answered the old man, darting at him a look
of mingled grief and anger : * We are not going to Me-
rida; and the alleged courtship was only an invention
of mine, for the purpose of drawing you hither. I am
not ignorant, ungrateful and unnatural son, I am not un-
informed of your meditated crime. I am aware that a
poison, prepared by your hands, was to have been ad-
ministered to me ; but, mad as you are, could it enter
into your contemplation that my life could have been
invaded with impunity by such means? How fatally
mistaken ! Your crime would soon have been detected,
and you would have perished under the hands of the
executioner. There is a safer way of glutting your fell
malice, without exposing yourself to an ignominious
death ; we are here without witnesses, and in a place
where daily murders are perpetrated: since you are so
thirsty after my blood, plunge your dagger into my
bosom : the assassination will naturally be laid at the
door of some banditti.' After these words, Balthasar,
laying his breast bare, and pointing to his heart, ended
with this challenge : ' Here, Gaspard, strike deep enough,
strike home ; make me pay that forfeit for having en-
gendered such a disgrace to human nature, and no more
than what is due to so monstrous a production.'
" Young Velasquez, struck by this reproach as by a
thunderbolt, far from pleading in his own justification,
fell instantly lifeless at his father's feet. The good old
man, hailing the germe of repentance in this unfeigned
testimony of shame, could not help yielding to paternal
weakness ; he made all possible haste to give his assist-
N2
292 OIL BLAS.
ance ; but Gaspard had no sooner recovered the use of
his senses, than, unable to stand in the presence of a
father so justly offended, he made an effort to raise
himself from the ground, then sprang upon his mule, and
galloped out of sight without saying one word. Bal-
thasar suffered him to take his own course, and returned
to Cordova, little doubting but conscience would play its
part in revenging his wrongs. Six months afterward, it
appeared that the culprit had thrown himself into the
t Carthusian convent at Seville, there to pass the remnant
of his days in penance. 1 '
CHAPTER XII.
CONCLUSION OF SClPlo's 8TORT.
" Bad example sometimes produces the converse of
itself. The behaviour of young Velasquez made me
think seriously on my own predicament. I began to
wrestle with my thievish propensities, and to live like
one of the better sort. A confirmed habit of pouncing
upon money wherever I cou]4 get it, had been contract-
ed by such a long succession of individual acts, that it
was no easy matter to say where it should stop. And
yet I was in hopes to accomplish my own reformation,
under the idea that, to become virtuous, a man had noth-
ing to do but to contract the desire of being so. I
therefore undertook this great work, and Heaven seemed
to smile upon my efforts : I left off eying the old dra-
per's strong-box with the carnal regard of avaricious
longing : nay, I verily believe, that if it had depended on
my own will and pleasure to have turned over the con-
tents to my own use, I should have abstained from the
crime of picking and stealing. It must, however, be ad-
mitted, that it would have been an unadvisable measure
to tempt my new-born integrity with meats too strong
for its stomach : and Velasquez was nurse enough to
keep me on a proper diet.
"Don Manriquez de Medrano, a young gentleman,
knight of Alcantara, was in the habit of coming back-
wards and forwards to our house. He was a customer,
one of our principal in point of rank, if not punctual in
point of pay. I had the happiness to find favour with this
GIL BLAS* 293
knight, who never met me without that sort of notice
which encouraged conversation, and with that conversa-
tion he appeared always to be very much pleased*
4 Scipio,' said he one day, ' if I had a footman of your
kidney, it would be as good as a fortune to me ; and if
you were not in the service of a man who stands so high
in my regards, I should make no scruple about enticing
you away.' ' Sir,' answered I, 'you would have very
little trouble in succeeding ; for I am distractedly par-
tial to people of fashion ; it is my weak side : their free
and easy manners fascinate me to the extreme of folly.'
* That being the case, 1 replied Don Manriquez, * I will
at 'once beg Signor Balthasar to turn you over from his
household to mine : he will scarcely refuse me such a
request' Accordingly, Velasquez was kind and com*
plying, with so much the less violence to his own private
feelings, as there seemed no reason to think, that if a
man parted with one knavish servant, he might not easily
get another in his place. To me the change was all for
the better; since a tradesman's service appeared but a
beggarly condition, in comparison with the office of own
man to a knight of Alcantara.
" To draw a faithful likeness of my new master, I
must describe him as a gentleman possessing every
requisite of person, figure, manners, and disposition.
Nor was that all ; for his courage and honour were equal
to his other qualities : the goods of fortune were the
only good things he wanted ; but, being the younger son
of a family more distinguished by descent than opulence,
he was obliged to draw for his expenses on an old aunt
living at Toledo, who loved him as her own child, and
administered to his occasions with affectionate liberal-
ity. He was always well dressed, and everywhere
well received. He visited the principal ladies in the
city, and, among others, the Marchioness of Almenara.
She was a widow of seventy-two, but the centre of at-
traction to all the fashionable society of Cordova, by the
elegance of her manners and the sprightliness of her con-
versation : men as well as women laid themselves out
for an introduction, because her parties conferred at
once on the frequenters the patent of good company.
" My master was one of that lady's most assiduous
courtiers. After leaving her one evening, his spirits
seemed to be more elevated than was natural to him.
4 Sir,' said 1, 4 you are evidently in a good deal of agita-
25 #
294 GIL BLAS.
tion ; may your faithful servant ask on what account 1
Has any thing happened out of the common way V The
young gallant smiled at so home a question, and owned
candidly that he had just been engaged in a serious con-
versation with the Marchioness of Almenara. ' I will
lay a wager,' said I, laughing outright, * that this moppet
of threescore and ten, this girl in her second child-
hood, has been unfolding to you all the secret move-
ments of a tender, susceptible heart.' ' Do not make a
jest of it,' answered he ; * for the fact is, my friend, that
the marchioness is seriously in love with me. She told
me that the narrowness of my circumstances was as
well known to her as the nobility of my birth ; that she
had taken a liking to me, and was determined to place
me at my ease by marriage, since she could not decently
lay her fortune at my feet on any other terms. That
this marriage would expose her to public ridicule, she
professed to have considered; that scandal would be
busy at her expense ; in short, that she should pass for
an old fool with an ambitious eye and a liquorish con-
stitution. . No matter for that ! She was not to be
awed from the career of her humour by quips and sen-
tences : her only alarm was, lest I should either make
sporTof her intentions, or torment her more grievously
by my aversion.
" ( Such,' continued the knight, * was the substance of
the marchioness's declaration; and I am the more as-
tonished at it, because she is the most prudent and sen-
sible woman in Cordova ; wherefore I answered by ex-
pressing my surprise at her honouring me with the offer
of her hand, since she had hitherto persisted in her res-
olution of remaining in a state of widowhood. To this
she replied, that having a considerable fortune, it would
give her pleasure to share it in her lifetime with a man
of honour to whom she was attached.' ( To all appear-
ance, then,' rejoined I, ( you have made up your mind to
take a lover's leap.' * Can you doubt about that V an-
swered he. ( The marchioness is immensely rich, with
excellent qualities both of head and heart. It would
be the extreme of folly and fastidiousness to let so
advantageous a settlement slip through my fingers.'
" I entirely approved my master's purpose of profit-
ing by so fine an opportunity to make his fortune, and
even advised him to bring the matter to a short issue,
for fear of a change in the wind. Happily, the lady had
GIL BLAS. 295
the business more at heart than myself; her orders were
given so effectually, that the necessary forms and cere-
monies were soon got over. When it became known
in Cordova that the old Marchioness of Almenara was
getting herself ready to be the bride of young Don
Manriquez de Medrano, the wits began breaking their
odd quirks and remnants in derision of the widow ; but
though she heard her own detractions, she did not put
them to mending; the town might talk as they pleased;
for when she said she would die a- widow, she did not
think to live till she were married. The wedding was
solemnized with a publicity and splendour which fur-
nished fresh food for evil tongues. The bride, said they,
might at least have had the modesty to dispense with
noise and ostentation, so unbecoming in an old widow
who marries a young husband.
41 The marchioness, far enough from yielding to the
suggestions of shame at her own inconsistency, or the
disparity of their ages, yielded herself up, without con-
straint, to the expression of the most lively joy. She
gave a grand concert and supper, with a ball afterward,
and invited all the principal families in Cordova. Just
before the close of the ball, the new-married couple dis-
appeared, and were shown to an apartment where, with
no other witnesses but her'own maid and myself, she
spoke to my master in these terms : * Don Manriquez,
this is your apartment ; mine is in another part of the
house : we will pass the night in separate rooms, and
will live together by day like mother and son. 9 At first,
the knight did not know what to make of this: he
thought that the lady was only trying his temper, as if
her coldness must be wooed to kindness, and her love,
like her pardon, not unsought, be won. Imagining,
therefore, that good manners required, at least, the
show of passion, he made his advances, and offered, ac-
cording to the laws of amorous suit enacted in such
cases, to assist in the disencumbering duties of her
toilet ; but, so far from allowing him to interfere with
the province of her servant, she pushed him back with
a serious air, saying, ' Hold, Don Manriquez : if you
take me for one of those sweet-toothed old women, who
marry a second time from mere incontinence, you do me
manifest injustice ; my proposals were not fraught with
conditions of hard service, as the tenure of our nuptial
contract ; the gift of my heart was unmixed with sen-
296 OIL BLAfl.
*
raal dross, and your gratitude is only drawn upon for
returns of pure and platonic friendship. 9 After this ex-
planation, she left my master and me in our apartment,
and withdrew to her own with her attendant, forbidding
the bridegroom, in the most positive manner, to attempt
retiring with her.
M After her departure, it was some time before we re-
covered from our surprise at what we had just heard.
* Scipio,' said my master, ' could you ever have believed
that the marchioness would have talked in such a
strain ! What think you of so philosophic a bride V c I
think, sir,' answered I, * that she is a phenix among the
brood of hymen. It is for all the world like a good liv-
ing without parochial duties.' ( For my part,' replied
Don Manriquez, ( there is nothing so much to my taste as
a wife of modest pretensions ; and I mean to make her
amends for the trophy she has raised to unadulterated
esteem, by all the delicate attentions in my power to
pay.' We kept up the subject of the lady's moderation
till it was full time to separate. My quarters were
fixed in an anteroom with a bookcase bedstead; my
master's in an elegant bedchamber, with every apperte-
nance except one : but, however necessary it might be to
play the disappointed bridegroom, I am much mistaken
if, in the bottom of his soul,' he was half so much afraid
of sleeping by himself as of being encumbered with a
bedfellow.
" The rejoicings began again on the following day ;
and the bride was so jocund on the occasion, that the
bolts of the fools among her visiters were not soon shot.
She was the first to laugh at all their pointless jokes ;
nay, she even set the little wits to work, by giving them
an example of pleasantry which they were very little
able to follow. The happy man, on his part, seemed to
be very little less happy than his partner ; and one would .
have sworn, judging by the glance of satisfaction which
accompanied his language and deportment, that he liked
mutton better than lamb. This well-matched pair had a
second conversation in the evening ; and then it was de-
cided that, without interfering in the least with one an-
other, they should live together just on the same foot-
ing as they had lived before marriage. At all events,
much credit must be given to Don Manriquez on one
account : he did, from delicate consideration towards his
wife, what few husbands would have done under his
circumstances ; for he discarded a little seamstress of
OIL BLAS. 297
whom he was^ery fond, and who was very fond of him,
because he did not choose to keep up a connexion in-
sulting to the feelings of a lady so studious of his.
u While he was furnishing such unusual testimonies
of gratitude to his elderly benefactress, she overpaid
and doubly paid her debt of obligation, even without
diving into its nature or extent. She gave him the
master-key of her strong-box, which was better provi-
ded than that of Velasquez. Though she had reduced
her establishment during widowhood, it was now re-
placed upon the same footing as in the lifetime of her
first husband ; the complement of household servants
was enlarged, the stud and equipages were in the very
first style ; in a word, by her generosity and kindness,
the most beggarly knight belonging to the order of Al-
cantara became the most moneyed member of the frater-
nity. You may, perhaps, be disposed to ask me, how
much 1 was in pocket by all that : and my answer is,
fifty pistoles from my mistress, and a hundred from my
master, who moreover appointed me his secretary, with
a salary of four hundred crowns ; nay, his confidence
was so unbounded, that I was fixed on to fill the office of
treasurer."
44 Treasurer !" cried I, interrupting Scipio at the very
idea, and bursting into an immoderate fit of laughter.
" Yes, sir," replied he, with a cool, unflinching serious-
ness ; " you are perfectly right ; treasurer was the word ;
and I may venture to say that the duties of the office
were executed without the slightest occasion for a com-
mittee of inquiry. True it is, that the balance may be
somewhat against me ; for I was always in the habit of
overdrawing my wages ; and as the firm was dissolved
somewhat suddenly, it is by no means impossible that
the balance of my cash account might be on the wrong
side : but, at all events, it was my last slip ; and, since
that time, my ways have been ways of uprightness and
honesty.
" Thus was I," continued this son of a gipsy, " secre-
tary and treasurer to Don Manriquez, who, to all ap-
pearance, was as happy in me as 1 in him, when he re-
ceived a letter from Toledo, announcing that his aunt,
Donna Theodora Moscoso, was on her last legs. He
was so much affected by the news, as to set out in-
stantly and pay his duty to that lady, who had been
more than a mother to him for several years. I at-
N3
298 GIL BUS.
tended him on the journey, with only two under ser-
vants; we were all mounted on the best horses in the
stable, and reached Toledo without loss of time, where
we found Donna Theodora in a state to warrant our
hopes that she would not at present weigh anchor on
her outward-bound voyage ; and, in fact, our judgment
on her case, though point-blank in contradiction to
that of an old physician who attended her, proved by
the event that we knew at least as much of the matter ;
as he did.
" While the health of our venerable relative was im-
proving from day to day, less perhaps from the effect of
the prescriptions than in consequence of her dear
nephew's presence, your worthy friend the treasurer
passed his time in the pleasantest manner possible, with
some young people, whose acquaintance was admirably
calculated to ventilate the confined cash in his pocket.
Sometimes they enticed me to the tennis-court, and took
me in for a game ; on those occasions, not being quite
so steady a player as my master Don Abel, I lost much
oftener than I won. By degrees, play became a passion
with me ; and, if the taste had been suffered to gain
complete possession, it would doubtless have laid me
under the necessity of drawing bills of accommodation
on the family bank ; but, happily, love stepped in, and
saved the credit both of the bank and of my principles.
One day, passing along near the church of the Epiph-
any, I espied through a lattice, with the drapery drawn
up, a young girl, who might well be called a thing di-
vine, for nothing natural was ever seen so lovely. I
would lay on my compliment still thicker, if words were
not wanting to express the effect of her first appearance
upon my mind. I set my wits to work, and, by dint of
diligent inquiry, learned that her name was Beatrice,
and that she was waiting-maid to Donna Julia, younger
daughter of the Count de Polan."
Beatrice broke in upon the thread of Scipio's story
by laughing immoderately ; then directing her speech to
my wife, " Charming Antonia," said she, " do but just
look at me, I beseech you, and then say truly whether
I could be likened to a thing divine." " You might, at
that time, to my enamoured sight," said Scipio ; " and,
since your conjugal faith is no longer under a cloud, my
visual appetite increases by what it feeds on." It was
a pretty compliment ; and my secretary, having fired it
off, pursued his narrative as follows :
Gil/ BLA0. 290
" This intelligence kindled the flame of passion within
me ; but not, it must be confessed, a flame which could
be acknowledged without a blush. I took it for granted
that my triumph over her scruples would be easy, if my
biddings were high enough to command the ordinary
market of female chastity ; but Beatrice was a pearl be-
yond price. In vain did I solicit her, through the chan-
nel of some intriguing gossips, with the offer of my purse
and my most tender attentions; she rejected an my
proposals with disdain. I had recourse to the lover's
last remedy, and offered her my hand, which she deigned
to accept, on the strength of my being secretary and
treasurer to Don Manriquez. As it seemed expedient
to keep our marriage secret for some time, the. 'cere-
mony was performed privately in presence of Dame
Lorenza Sephora, Seraphina's governess, and Defiance
some others of the Count de Polan's household. Alter
our happy union, Beatrice contrived the means of our
meeting by day, and passing some part of every night
together in the garden, whither 1 repaired through a
little gate of whichhe gave me the key. Never were
man and wife better pleased with each other than Bea-
trice and myself: with equal impatience did we watch
for the hour of our appointments ; with congenial emo-
tions of eager sensibility did we hasten to the spot, and
the moments which we passed together, though count-
less from their number in the calendar of cold indiffer-
ence, to us were few and fleeting, in comparison with
that eternity of mutual bliss for which we panted.
44 One night, a night which should be expunged from
the almanack, a night of darkness and despair, contrast-
ed with the brightness of all our former nights, I was
surprised, on approaching the garden, to find the little
gate open. This unusual circumstance alarmed me,
for it seemed to augur something inauspicious to my
happiness : I turned pale and trembled, as if with a fore-
knowledge of what was going to happen. Advancing
in the dark towards a bower, where our private meet-
ings had usually taken place, I heard a man's voice. I
stopped on the instant to listen, when the following
words struck like the sound of death upon my ear: *Do
not keep me languishing in suspense, my dear Beatrice;
make my happiness complete, and consider that your
own fortunes are closely linked with mine. 9 Instead of
having patience to hear further, it seemed as if more.
800 ' Oil BLA8J,
had been said than blood could expiate ; that devil, jeal*
ousy, took possession of my soul ; I drew my sword,
and breathing only vengeance, rushed into the bower.
'Ah! base seducer,' cried I, 'whoever you are, vou
shall tear this heart from out ray breast rather than
touch my honour on its tenderest point/ With these
words on my lips, t attacked the gentleman who was
talking with Beatrice* He stood upon his guard with-
out more ado, like a man much better acquainted with
the science of arms than myself, who had only received
a few lessons from a fencing-master at Cordova. And
yet, strong as his sword-arm was, I made a thrust
which he could not parry, or, what is more likely, his
foot slipped: I saw him fall; and fancying that I had
wounded him mortally, ran away as hard as my legs
would carry me, without deigning to answer Beatrice,
who would have called me back."
" Yes, indeed !" said Scipio's wife, resolved to have
her share in the development of the story ; " I called out
for the purpose of undeceiving him. The gentleman
conversing with me in the arbour was Don Ferdinand
de Leyva. This nobleman, who was in love with my
mistress Julia, had laid a plan for running away with
her, from despair of being able to obtain her hand by
any other means ; and I had myself made this assigna-
tion with him in the garden, to concert measures for the
elopement, and with his fortune he assured me that
my own was closely linked ; but it was in vain that 1
screamed after my husband ; he darted from me as if
my very touch were contaminaton."
" In such a state of mind," resumed Scipio, " I was
capable of any thing. Those who know by experience
what jealousy is, into what extravagance it drives the
best regulated spirits, will be at no loss to conceive the
disorder it must have produced in my weak brain. I
passed in a moment from one extreme to^ another:
emotions of hatred succeeded instantaneously to all
my former sentiments of affection for my wife. I took
an oath never to see her more, and to banish her for
ever from my memory. Besides, the supposed death
of a man lay upon my conscience ; and, under that idea,
I was afraid of falling into the hands of justice ; so that
every torment which could be accumulated on the head
of guilt and misery, by the fury of despair and the demon
of remorse, was the remediless companion of my wreteh-
OIL BLAS. 501
ed flight* In this dreadful situation, thinking only of
my escape, I returned home no more, but immediately
quitted Toledo* with no other provision for my journey
but the clothes on my back. It is true, 1 had about
sixty pistoles m my pocket; a tolerable supply for a
young man whose views in life pointed no higher than
a good service.
"I walked forward all night, or rather ran; for the
phantom of an alguazil always dogging me at the heels
made me perform wonders of pedestrian activity. The
dawn overtook me between Rodillas and Maqueda.
When I was at the latter town, finding myself a little
weary, I went into the church, which was just opened,
and, having put up a short prayer, sat down on a bench
to rest. I began musing on the state of my affairs, which
were sufficiently out at elbows to- require all my skill in
patchwork, but the time for reflection, as well as for re-
pentance, was cut short. The church echoed on a sud-
den with three or four smacks of a whip, which made
me conclude that some earner was on the road. I im-
mediately got up to go and see whether I was right or
wrong. At the door I met a man, mounted on a mule,
leading two others by the halter. 'Stop, my friend,*
said I : ' whither are these mules going V ' To Madrid,*
answered he. ' 1 came hither with two good Domini-
cans, and am now setting out on my return/
" Such an opportunity of going to Madrid gave me an
itching desire for the expedition : I made my bargain
with the muleteer, jumped upon one of his mules, and
away we scampered towards Ulescas, where we were
to put up for the night. Scarcely were we out of Ma-
queda, before the muleteer, a man from five-and-thirty
to forty, began chanting the church service with a most
collegiate twang. This trial of his lungs began with
matins, in the drowsy tone of a canon between asleep
and awake ; then he roared out the belief, alternately
in contralto, tenour, and base, in all the harmonious con-
fusion of high mass : and, not content with that, he rang
the bell for vespers, without sparing me a single peti-
tion, or so much as a bar of the magnificat. Though the
scoundrel almost cracked the drum of my ear, I could
not help laughing heartily ; and even egged him on to
make the welkin reverberate with his hallelujahs, when
the anthem was suspended a few rests, for the necessa-
ry purpose of supplying wind to the organ. ' Courage,
26
302 GIL BLAfl.
my friend !' said I : ' go on and prosper. If Heaven has
given you a good capacious throat, you are neither a
niggard nor a perverter of its . precious boon. 9 * Oh !
certainly not, for the matter of that, 9 cried he : * happily
for my immortal soul, I am not like carriers in general,
who sing nothing but profane songs about love or drink-
ing ; I do not even defile my lips with ballads on our
wars against the Moors ; such subjects are at least light
and unedifying, if not licentious and impure.* ' You
have,' replied 1, ( an evangelical purity of heart which
belongs only to the elect among muleteers. With this
excessive squeamishness of yours about the choice of
your music, have you also taken a vow of continence,
wherever there is a young bar-maid to be picked up at
an inn V ' Assuredly,' rejoined he ; * chastity is also a
virtue by which it is my pride to ward off the tempta-
tions of the road, where my only business is to look
after my mules.' I was in no small degree astonished
at such pious sentiments from this prodigy of psalm-
singing mule-drivers ; so that, looking upon him as a
man above the vanities and corruptions of this nether
world, I fell into chat with him, after he had gone the
length of his tether in singing.
" We got to Illescas late in the day. On entering the
inn-yard, 1 left the care of the mules to my companion*
and went into the kitchen, where I ordered the landlord
to get us a good supper ; which he promised to perform
so much to my satisfaction, as to make me remember, all
the days of my life, what usage travellers meet with at
his house. ( Ask,' added he, ' now only ask your carrier
what sort of a man I am. By all the powers of season*
ing ! I would defy the best cook in Madrid or Toledo
to make an olio at all to be compared with mine. I shall
treat you this evening with some stewed rabbit after a
receipt of my own ; you will then see whether it-is any
boast to say that I know how to send up a supper. 9
Thereupon, showing me a stewpan with a young rabbit,
as he said, cut" up into pieces, * There,' continued he,
' is what I mean to favour you with. When I shall have
thrown in a little pepper, some salt, wine, a handful of
sweet herbs, and a few other ingredients which I keep
for my own sauces, you may depend on sitting down to
such a dish as would not disgrace the table of a chan-
cellor or an archbishop.'
" The landlord, having thus done justice to his own
OIL BLAS* $03
merits, began to work upon the materials he had pre-
pared. While he was labouring in his vocation, I went
into a room, where, lying down on a sort of couch, I fell
fast asleep through fatigue, having taken no rest the
night before. In the space of about two hours, the
muleteer came and awakened me, with the information
that supper was ready, and a pressing request to take
my place at table. The cloth was laid for two, and we
sat down to the hashed rabbit. I played my knife and
fork most manfully, finding the flavour delicious, wheth-
er from the force of hunger in communicating a can-
did mode of interpretation to my palate, or from the
natural effect of the ingredients compounded by the
eook. A joint of roast mutton was next served up. It
was remarkable that the carrier only paid his respects
to this last article, and I asked him why he had not
taken his share of the other. He answered, with a sup-
pressed smile, * that he was not fond of made dishes.'
This reason, or rather, the turn of countenance with
which it was alleged, seemed to imply more than was
expressed. * You have net told me,' said I, ' the real
meaning of your not eating the fricassee ; do have the
goodness to explain it at once. 9 * Since you are so
curious to be made acquainted with it,' replied he, * I
must own that I have an insuperable aversion to cram-
ming my stomach with meats in masquerade, since one
evening at an inn, on the road between Toledo and
Cuenca, they served me up, instead of a wild rabbit, a
hash of tame cat ; enough, of all conscience, ever after
to set my intestines in battle array against all minces,
stews, and force-meats.'
" No sooner had the muleteer let me into this secret,
than, in spite of the hunger which raged within me, my
appetite left me in the lurch. I conceived, in all the
horrors of extreme loathing, that I had been eating a
cat, dressed up as the double of a rabbit ; and the fricas-
see had no longer any power over my senses, except
by producing a strong inclination to %etch. My com-
panion did not lessen my tendency that way by telling
me that the innkeepers in Spain, as well as the pastry-
cooks, were very much in the habit of making that sub-
stitution. The drift of the conversation was, as you
may perceive, very much in the nature of a lenitive to
my stomach ; so much so, that 1 had no mind to meddle
any more with the dish of undefinables, nor even to
304 OIL BIAS,
make an attack upon the roast meat, for fear the mut-
ton should be performed by deputy as well as the rabbit*
I jumped up from table, cursing the cookery, the cook,
and the whole establishment: then, throwing myself
down upon the sofa, I passed the night with less nausea
than might reasonably have been expected. The day
following, with the dawn, after having paid the reckon-
ing with as princely an air as if we had been treated
like princes, away went I from lllescas, bearing my
faculties so strongly impregnated with fricassee, that
I took every animal which crossed the road, of what-
ever species or dimensions, for a cat.
" We got to Madrid betimes, where I had no sooner
settled with my carrier than I hired a ready-furnished
lodging near the Sun-gate. My eyes, though accus-
tomed to the great world, were nevertheless dazzled by
the concourse of nobility which was ordinarily seen in
the quarter of the court. I admired the prodigious num-
ber of carriages, and the countless list of gentlemen,
pages, gentlemen's gentlemen, and plain downright
footmen in the train of the grandees. My admiration
exceeded all bounds, on going to the king's levee, and
beholding the monarch in the midst of his court. The
effect of the scene was enchanting ; and I said to my-
self, It is no wonder they should say that one must see
the court of Madrid to form any adequate idea of its mag-
nificence : I am delighted to have directed my course
hither, and feel a sort of prescience within me that I
shall not come away without taking fortune by surprise.
I caught nothing napping, however, but my own pru-
dence, in making some thriftless, expensive acquaint-
ance. My money oozed away in the rapid thaw of my
propriety and better judgment, so that it became a meas-
ure of expedient degradation to throw away my trans-
cendent merit on a pedagogue of Salamanca, whom
some family lawsuit or other concern had brought to
Madrid, where he was born, and where chance, more
whimsical than wise, thrust me within the horizon of
his knowledge. I became his right hand, his prime,
principal agent ; and dogged him at the heels to the uni-
versity when he returned thither.
" My new employer went by the name of Don Ignacio
de Ipigna. He furnished himself with the handle of
don, inasmuch as he had been tutor to a nobleman of
the first rank, who had recompensed his early services
Gil, BLA9. 305
with an annuity for life ; he likewise derived a snug -lit-
tle salary from his professorship in the university ; and,
in addition to all this, laid the public under a yearly
contribution of two or three hundred pistoles for books
of uninstructive morality, which he protruded from the
press periodically by weight and measure. The man*
ner in which he worked up the shreds and patches of
his composition deserves a notice somewhat more than
cursory. The heavy hours of the forenoon were spent
in musing over Hebrew, Greek, and Latin authors, and
in writing down upon little squares of card, every pithy
sentence or striking thought which occurred in the
morning's reading. According to the progress of this
literary Pam in winning tricks from the ancients, he
employed me to score up his honours in the form of an
Apollo's wreath: these metaphysical garlands were
strung upon wire, and each garland made a pocket
volume. What an execrable hash of wholesome viands
did we cook up ! The commandments set at logger-
heads with an utter confusion of tables; epicurean con-
clusions ingrafted on stoical premises ! Tully quoting
Epictetus, and Seneca supporting his antitheses on the
authority of monkish rhyme ! Scarcely a month elapsed
without our putting forth at least two volumes, so that
the press was kept continually groaning under the
weight of our transgressions. What seemed most ex-
traordinary of all was, that these literary larcenies
were palmed upon the purchasers for spick and span
new wares; and if, by any strange and improbable
chance, a thick-headed critic should stumble with his
noddle smack against some palpable plagiarism, the au-
thor would plead guilty to the endictment, and make a
merit of serving up. at second-hand
" * What Gellius or Stohaus hash'd before,
Though chew'd by blind old scholiasts o'eT and o'er.'
" He was also a great commentator ; and filled his notes
chuck full of so much erudition, as to multiply whole
pages of discussion upon what homely common sense
would have consigned to the brief alternative of a query :
Disputes of Me and Te, or Aut and At,
To sound or sink in cano O or A,
Or give up Cicero to C or K.'
" As almost every author, ethical and didactic, from
Hesiod down to himself, took his turn to dangle on
26*
306 OIL BLAS.
some one or other of our manuscript garlands, it was
impossible for me not to suck in somewhat of sage nur-
ture from so copious a stream of philosophy ; it would
be rank ingratitude to shift off my obligation. My
handwriting also became strictly and decidedly legible,
by diut of continual transcription : my estate was more
that of a pupil than of a servant : and my morals were
not neglected, while my mind was polished, and my
faculties raised above their former level. * Scipio !' he
used to say, when he chanced to hear of any serving
lad with more cunning than honesty in his dealings,
* beware, my good boy, how you take after the evil ex*
ample of that graceless villain. The honour of a ser*
vant is his fidelity 5 his highest virtues are submission
and obedience. Be studious of thy master's interests,
be diligent in his affairs, and faithful to the trust which
he reposeth in thee. Thy time and thy labour belong
unto him. Defraud him not thereof, for he payeth thee
for them.' To sum up ail, Don Ignacib lost no oppor-
tunity of leading me on in the path of virtue : and his
prudent counsels sank so deep into my heart 'as to
keep under any thing like even the slightest wish of
playing him a rogue's trick during the fifteen months
which I spent in his service.
"1 have already mentioned that Doctor de Ipigna
was a native of Madrid. He had a relation there, by
name Catalina, waiting-maid to the lady who officiated
as nurse to the heir-apparent. This abigail, the same
through whose intervention I got Signor de Santillane
released from the tower of Segovia, intent on rendering
a service to Don Ignacio, prevailed with her mistress to
petition the Duke of Lerma for some preferment. The
minister named him for the archdeaconry of Grenada,
which, as a conquered country, is in the king's gift.
We repaired immediately to Madrid on receiving the
intelligence, as the doctor wished to thank his patron-
esses before he took possession of his benefice. I had
more than one opportunity of seeing Catalina, and con-
versing with her. The cheerful turn of my temper, and
a certain easy air of good company, were altogether to
her taste ; for my part, I found her so much to my li-
king, that I could not help saying yes to the little ad-
vances of partiality which she made in my favour ; in
short, we got to feel very kindly towards each other.
You must not write a comment with your nails, my
Gil BIAS. 307
dear Beatrice, on this episode in the romance of my
amours; because I was firmly persuaded of your incon-
stancy, and you will allow that heresy, though impious,
being also blind, my penance may reasonably be remit- ,
ted on sincere conversion.
" In the meantime, Doctor Ignacio was making ready
to set out for Grenada. His relation and myself, out of
our wits at the impending separation, had recourse to an
expedient which rescued us from its horrors : I shammed
illness, complained of my head, complained of my chest,
and made a characteristic wry face for every pain and
ache in the catalogue of human infirmities. My master
called in a physician, who told me, with a grave face, af-
ter putting his questions in the usual course, that my
complaint was of a much more serious nature than it
might appear to unprofessional observation, and that,
according to ail present likelihood, I should keep my
chamber a long time. The doctor, impatient to take
possession of his preferment, did not think it quite so
well to delay his departure, but chose rather to hire
another boy ; he therefore contented himself with hand-
ing me over to the care of a nurse, with whom he left
a sum of money to bury me if I should die, or to re-
munerate me for my services if I should recover.
"As soon as I knew Don Ignacio to be safe on the
road for Grenada, I was cured of 'all my maladies. I
got up, made my final bow to the physician who had
evinced so thorough a knowledge of my case, and fairly
turned my nurse out of doors, who made her retreat
good, with baggage and ammunition to the amount of
more than half the sum for which she ought to have ac-
counted with me. While I was enacting the sick man,
Catalina was playing another part about the person of
her mistress, Donna Anna de Guevara, into whose con-
ception having, by dint of many a wordy process, insert-
ed the notion that I was the man of all others ready cut
and dry for an intrigue, she induced her to choose me
for one of her agents. The royal and most catholic
nurse, whose genius for great undertakings was either
produced or exasperated by the love of great posses-
nous, having occasion for suitable ministers, received
me among her hangers-on, and lost no opportunity of
ascertaining how far I was for her purpose. She con-
fided some commissions to my care, which, vanity apart,
called for no little aggr ess, and what they called for was
$08 . GIL BLAS.
i^ady at hand : accordingly, she gave me all possible
credit for the diligent execution of my office, while my
discontent swelled high against her for fobbing me off
with the cold recompense of approbation. The good
lady was so abominably avaricious, as not to give me a
working partner's share in the profits of my industry,
nor to allow for the wear and tear of my conscience.
She seemed inclined to consider, that by paying me my
wages, all the requisitions of Christian charity were
made good between us. This excess of illiberal econ-
omy would soon have parted us, had it not been for the
fascination of Catalina's gentle virtues, who became
more desperately in love with me from day to day, and
completed the paroxysm by a formal proposal of mar-
riage.
"Fair and softly, my pretty friend,' said I: 'we
must look before we leap into that bottomless gulf.
The first point to be settled is to ascertain the death of
a young woman who obtained the refusal before you,
and made me supremely happy for no other purpose
but to anticipate the purgatory of an intermediate state
in thf^present.' All a mere sham, a put off!' answered
Catalina; * you swear you are married only by way of
throwing a genteel veil over your abhorrence of my per-
son and manners.* In vain did I call all the powers to
witness that what I said was solemnly true : my sincere
avowal was considered as a mere copy of my counte-
nance ; the lady was grievously offended, and changed
her whole behaviour in regard to me. There was no
downright quarrel ; but our tender intercourse became
visibly more rigid and unaccommodating, so that noth-
ing further took place between us but cold formality and
commonplace attentions.
" Just at this nick of time, I heard that Signor Gil Bias
de Santillane, secretary to the prime minister of the
Spanish monarchy, wanted a servant : and the situation
was the more flattering, as it bore the bell among all the
vacancies of the court-register office. Signor de San-
tillane, they told me, was one of the first men, high in
favour with the Duke of Lerma, and, consequently, in
the direct road to fortune : his heart, too, was cast in
the mould of generosity. By doing his business, you
most assuredly did your own. The opportunity was too
good to be neglected: I went and offered myself to
Sigoor Gil Bias, to whom I felt my heart grow from the
aiL BLAS. 309
first; for my sentiments were fixed by the turn of his
physiognomy. There could be no question about leav-
ing the royal and most catholic nurse for him ; and it is
to be hoped I shall never have any other master."
Here ended Scipio's story. But he continued speak-
ing, and addressing himself to me. " Signor de Santil-
lane, do me the favour to assure these ladies that you
have always known me for a faithful and sfcealous ser-
vant. Your testimony will stand me in good stead, and
Touch for a sincere reformation in the son of Cosclina."
" Yes, ladies," said I, " it is even so. Though Scipio
in his childhood was a very scapegrace, he has been
born anew, and is now the exact model of a trusty do-
mestic. * Far from having any complaints to make against
him, my debt is infinite. On the fatal night when I was
carried off to the tower of Segovia, he saved my effects
from pillage, and refunded what he might have taken to
himself with impunity : not contented with rescuing my
worldly pelf, he came, out of pure friendship, and shut
himself up with me in my prison, preferring the melan-
choly sympathies of adverse fortune to all the charms of
lusty, buoyant liberty."
BOOK V.
CHAPTER I.
CONTAINING THE SUBJECT OF THE GREATEST JOT THAT GO*
BLA8 EVER FELT, FOLLOWED UP, AS OUR GREATEST PLEAS*
URES TOO GENERALLY ARE, BY TBjE MOST MELANCHOLY
EVENT OF HIS LIFE. GREAT CHANGES AT COURT, PRODU-
CING, AMONG OTHER IMPORTANT REVOLUTIONS, THE RE*
TURN OF 8ANT1LLANE.
I have observed already that Antonia and Beatrice un-
derstood one another perfectly well ; the latter falling
meekly and modestly into the trammels of anJiumble
attendant on her lady, and the former taking vety kindly
to the rank of a mistress and superior. Scipio and my-
self were husbands, too rich in nature's gifts and in the
affections of our spouses, not very soon to have the sat-
810 GIL BLAfl.
isfaction of becoming fathers ; our lasses were as wont*
en wish to be who love their lords, almost at the same
moment. Beatrice's time was up first : she was safely
delivered of a daughter ; and in a few days afterward
Antonia completed the general joy by presenting me
with a son. I sent my secretary to Valencia with the
welcome tidings : the governor came to Lirias with Se-
raphina and the Marchioness de Pliego, to be present
at the baptismal ceremony ; for he made it his pleasure
to add this testimony of affection to all his former kind-
nesses. As that nobleman stood godfather, and the
marchioness godmother, to my son, he was named AU
Shonso ; and the governor's lady* wishing to draw the
onds of sponsorship still closer in this friendly party,
stood for Scipio's daughter, to whom we gave the name
of Seraphina.
The rejoicing at the birth of my son was not con-
fined to the mansion-house ; the villages of Lirias cele*
brated the event by festivities, which were meant as a
grateful token to prove how much the little neighbour-
hood partook in all the satisfactions of their landlord.
But, alas ! our carousals were of short continuance ; or,
to speak more suitably to the subject, they were turned
into weeping, wailing, and lamentation, by a catastrophe
which more than twenty years have not been sufficient
to blot from my memory, nor will future time, however
distant, make me think of it but with the bitterest re-
trospect. My son died; and his mother, though per-
fectly recovered from her confinement, very soon fol-
lowed him. A violent fever carried off my dear wife,
after we had been married fourteen months. Let the
reader conceive, if he is equal to the task, the grief with
which I was overwhelmed. I fell into a stupid insensi-
bility, and felt ray ]qss so severely as to seem not to feel
it at all. I remained in this condition for five or six
days, in an obstinate determination to take no nourish-
ment; and I verily believe that, had it not been for
Scipio, I should have either starved myself, or my heart
would have burst; but my secretary, well knowing how
to accommodate himself to the turnings and windings of
the human heart, contrived to cheat my sorrows tjy fall-
ing in with their tone and tenour : he was artful enough
to reconcile me to the duty of taking food, by serving
up soups and. lighter fare with so disconsolate an ar-
rangement of features, that it looked as if he urged me
OIL BLAS. 3tl
to the revolting employment, not so much to preserve
my life, as to perpetuate and render immortal my afflic-
tion.
This affectionate servant wrote to Don Alphonso, to
let him know of the misfortune which happened to me,
and my lamentable condition in consequence. That
tender-hearted and compassionate nobleman, that gen-
erous friend, very soon repaired to Lirias. I cannot re-
call the moment when he first presented himself to my
view without even now being sensibly affected. " My
dear Santillane," said he, embracing me, "1 am not
come to offer you impertinent consolation; but to weep
over Antonio with you as you would have wept with me
*ver Seraphina, had the hand of death snatched her from
me." In good troth, his tears bore testimony to his sin-
cerity, and his sighs were blended with mine in the
most friendly sympathy. Though overwhelmed with
my affliction, I felt, in the most lively manner, the kind-
ness of Don Alphonso.
The governor had a long conversation with Scipio re-
specting the measures to be taken for 'overcoming my
despair. They judged it best to remove me for some
time from Lirias, where every object incessantly brought
back to ray mind the image of Antonio. On this account
the son of Don Cesar proposed carrying me back with
him to Valencia ; and my secretary seconded the plan
with so many unanswerable arguments, that I made no
further opposition. I left Scipio and his wife on my es-
tate, where my longer stay could have produced no
other effect but that of aggravating and enhancing all
my sorrows, and took my own departure with the gov-
ernor. On my arrival at Valencia, Don Cesar and his
daughter-in-law spared no exertions to divert my sor-
rows from perpetual brooding; Jjbey plied me alter-
nately with every sort of amusement, the most proper to
turn the current of my thoughts to passing objects ; but,
in spite of all their pains, I remained plunged in melan-
choly, whence they were incompetent to draw me out.
Nor was it for want of Scipio's kind attentions that my
peace of mind was still so hopeless : he was continually
going back and fore between Lirias and Valencia to in-
quire after me ; and his journey home was cheerful or
gloomy in proportion as he found more or less disposi-
tion in me to listen to the words of comfort, and to re*
ward the affectionate solicitude of my friends*
312 Oil* BI.JJ9.
He came one morning into my room. " Sir," said he,
with a great deal of agitation in his manner, " a report
is current about town in which the whole monarchy is
deeply interested : it is said that Philip the Third has
departed this life, and that the prince his son is actually
seated on the throne. To this it is added, that the
Cardinal Duke of Lerma has lost the premiership, that
he is even forbidden to appear at court, and that Don
Gaspard de Gusman, Count of Olivarez, is actually at
the nead of the administration." I felt a little agitated
by this sudden change, without knowing why. Scipio
caught at this manifestation, and asked whether the
veering of the wind in the political horizon might not
blow me some good. " How is that possible ! What
good can it blow me, my worthy friend 1" answered I.
" The court and I have shaken hands once for all : the
revolutions which may take place there are alike indif-
ferent to me."
" For a man at your time of life," replied that can*
ning son of a diviner, " you are uncommonly mortified
to ail the uses of this world. Under your circumstances
my curiosity would be all alive ; I should go to Madrid
and show my face to the young monarch, just to see
whether he would recollect it, merely for the amuse*
ment of the thing." " I understand you," said I ; " you
would have me return to court and try my fortune
again ; or rather, you would plunge me back into the
gulf of avarice and ambition." " Why should such bale-
ful passions any more take possession of your breast 1"
rejoined Scipio. " Do not so much play the calumnia-
tor on your own virtue. I will answer for your firm-
ness to yourself. The sound moral reflections which
your disgrace has occasioned you to make on the vani-
ties of a court life, are a sufficient security against all
the dangers to be feared from that quarter. Embark
boldly once again upon an ocean, where you are ac-
quainted with every shoal and rock in the dangerous
navigation." '* Hold your tongue, you flatterer," said I,
with a smile of no very positive discouragement : " are
you weary of seeing me lead a retired ana tranquil life 1
I thought my repose had been more dear to you."
Just at this period of our conversation, Don Cesar and
his son came in. They confirmed the news of the king's
death, as well as the Duke of Lerma's misfortune. It
appeared, moreover, that this minister, having requested
GIL BLAS. 313
permission to retire to Rome, had not been able to ob-
tain it, but was ordered to confine himself to his mar-
quisate at Denia. On this, as if they had been in league
with my secretary, they advised me to go to Madrid and
offer my congratulations to the new king, as one of his
former acquaintances, with the merit of having rendered
him even such services as the great are apt to reward
more willingly than some which are performed with
cleaner hands. " For my part," said Don Alphonso, " I
have no doubt but they will be liberally acknowledged :
Philip the Fourth is bound in honour to pay the Prince of
Spain's debts." "I consider the affair just in the same
light as you do," said Don Cesar; *' and Santillane's
visit to court will doubtless prove the occasion of his
arriving at the very first employments."
" In good truth, my noble friends," exclaimed I, " you
do not consider what you are talking about. It should
seem, were one to give ear to the soothing words of
you both, as if I had nothing to do but to show my face
at Madrid, and receive the key of office, or some foreign
government, for my pains ; but you are egregiously mis-
taken. I am, on the contrary, well persuaded that the
king would pass me over as a stranger, were I to throw
myself in his way. 1 will make the experiment, if you
wish it, merely for the sake of undeceiving you." The
lords of Ley va took: me at my word, so that I could not
help promising them to set out without loss of time for
Madrid. No sooner did my secretary perceive my mind
fully made up to the prosecution of this journey, than
his ecstasies were wound up to the highest pitch : he
was satisfied within himself, that if I did but present my
excellent person before the new monarch, he would im-
mediately single me out from the crowd of political can-
didates, and weigh me down under a load of dignities
and emoluments. On the strength of these conjectures,
puffing himself out and amusing his fancy with the
most splendid extravagances of device, he raised me up
to the first offices of the state, and pushed forward his
own preferment in the path of my exaltation.
I therefore made, my arrangements for returning to
court, without the most distant intention of again sacri-
ficing at the shrine of fortune, but merely to convince
Don Cesar and his son of their error, in imagining that
I was at all likely to ingratiate myself with the sover-
eign. It is true that there was some little lurking vanity
Vol. II. O 27
814 OIL BLAS.
at the bottom of all my philosophy, sprouting up in the
shape of a desire to ascertain whether my royal master
would throw away a thought on me, now in the spring-
time of his new and blushing honours. Let out of my
course solely by that tempter, curiosity, without a
dream of hope, or any practical contrivance for turning
the new reign to my own individual advantage, I set out
for Madrid with Scipio, consigning the management of
my household to Beatrice, who was well skilled in all
the arts of domestic economy.
CHAPTER II.
oil blas arrives in madrid, and makk8 his appearance at
court; the kino is blessed with a better memory
than most of his courtiers, and recommends him to
the notice of his prime mini8ter. consequences of
that recommendation.
We got to Madrid in less than eight days, Don Alphon-
so having given us two of his best horses, that we might
lose no time on the road. We alighted at a ready- fur-
nished lodging where I lived formerly, kept by Vincent
Ferrero, my old landlord, who was uncommonly glad to
see me again.
As this man prided himself on being in the secret of
whatever was going forward either in court or city, I
asked him after the best news. " There is plenty of it,
whether best or worst," answered he. " Since the
death of Philip the Third, the friends and partisans of
the Cardinal Duke of Lerma have been moving heaven
and earth to support his eminence on the pinnacle of
ministerial authority, but their efforts have been ineffec-
tual : the Count of Olivarez has carried the day in spite
of all their industry. It is alleged that Spain will be no
loser by the exchange, and that the present premier is
possessed of a genius so extensive, a mind so capacious,
that he would be competent to wield the machine of
universal government. New brooms, they say, sweep
clean t But, at all events, you may take this for certain,
that the public is fully impressed with a very favourable
opinion of his capacity ; we shall see by-and-by wheth-
er the Duke of Lerma's situation is well of ill filled up*"
OIL BLAS. 815
Perrero, having got his tongue into the right train for
wagging, gave me all the particulars of all the changes
which had taken place at court since the Count of
Olivarez had taken his seat at the helm of the state
vessel.
Two days after my arrival at Madrid, I repaired to the
royal palace after my dinner, and threw myself in the
king's way as he was crossing the lobby to his closet ;
but his notice was not at all attracted by my appearance.
Next day I returned to the same place, but with no
better success. On the third day he looked me full in
the face as he passed by, but the stare was perfectly
vacant, as far as my interest or my vanity was con-
cerned. This being the case, I resolved, in my own
mind, what was proper to be done : " You see," said I
to Scipio, who accompanied me, "that the king is grown
out of my recollection ; or, if his memory is not become
more frail with the elevation of his circumstances, he
has some private reasons for not choosing to renew the
acquaintance. I think we cannot do better than make
our way back as fast as possible for Valencia." " Let
us not be in too great a hurry for that, sir," answered
my secretary ; " you know better than myself, having
served a long apprenticeship, that there is no getting on
at court without patience and perseverance. Be inde-
fatigable in exhibiting your person to the prince's re-
gards ; by dint of forcing yourself on his observation,
you will oblige him to ask himself the question who
this assiduous frequenter of his haunts can possibly be,
when memory must come to his aid, and trace the fea-
tures of his cheapener in the purchase of the lovely
Catalina's good graces."
That Scipio might have nothing to reproach me with,
I so far lent myself to his wishes as to continue the
same proceeding for the space of three weeks ; when
at length it happened one day that the monarch, noticing
the frequency of my appearance, sent for me into his
presence. I went into the closet, not without some
perturbation of mind at the idea of a private interview
with my sovereign. " Who are you 1" said he : " your
features are not altogether strange to me. Where have
I seen you!" "Please your majesty," answered I,
trembling, "I had the honour of escorting you one
night, with the Count of Lemos, to the house of"
"Ah! I recollect it perfectly," cried the prince, as if a
02
316 OIL BLAB.
i
sadden light bad broke in upon him; "you were the
Duke of Lerma's secretary ; and, if I am not mistaken,
your name is Santillane. I have not forgotten that on
the occasion alluded to you served me with a most com-
mendable zeal, but received a left-handed recompense
for your exertions. Did you not get into prison at the
conclusion of the adventure ?" " Yes, please your
majesty," replied I ; " my confinement in the tower of
Segovia lasted six months ; but your goodness was ex-
ercised in procuring my release." " That," replied he,
44 does not cancel my debt to my faithful servant San-
tillane ; it is not enough to have restored him to liberty,
for I ought to make him ample amends for the evils
which he has suffered on the score of his alacrity in my
concerns."
Just as the prince was uttering these words, the Count
of Olivarez came into the closet. The nerves of favour-
ites are shaken by every breath, their irritability excited
by every trifle; he was as much astonished as any
favourite need be at tfie sight of a stranger in that
place, and the king redoubled his wondering propensities
by the following recommendation : " Count, I consign
this young man to your care ; employ him, and let me
find that you provide for his advancement." The min-
ister affected to receive this order with the most gracious
acquiescence, but looked me over from head to foot
with a glance from the corner of his eye, and was. an
tenter-hooks to find out who had been so strangely sad-
dled upon him. " Go, my friend," added the sovereign,
addressing himself to me, and waving his hand for me
to withdraw ; " the count will not fail to avail himself
of your services in a manner the most conducive to the
interests of my government, and the establishment of
your own fortunes."
I immediately went out of the closet, and made the
best of my way to the son of Cosclina, who, being
overrun with impatience to inquire what the king had
been talking about, fumbled at his fingers' ends, and was
all over in an agitation. His first question was, " whether
we were to return to Valencia, or become a part of the
court." " You shall form your own conclusions," an-
swered I ; at the same time delighting him with an ac-
count, word for word, of the little conversation I had
just held with the monarch. " My dear master," said
Scipio at once, in the excess of his joy, " will you take
GIL BLAS. 317
me for your almanack-maker another time 1 You must
acknowledge that we were not in the wrong ; the lords
of Leyva and myself have our eye-teeth about us ! a
journey to Madrid was the only measure to be adopted
in such a case. Already I anticipate your appointment
to an eminent post ; you will turn out to be some time
or other a Calderona to the Count of Olivarez." " That
is by no means the object of my ambition," observed I,
in return ; " the employment is placed on too rugged an
eminence to excite any longings in my mind. 1 could
wish for a good situation where there could be no in*
ducement. to do what might go against my conscience,
and where the favours of my prince are not likely to be
bartered away for filthy lucre. Having experienced my
own unfitness for the possession of patronage, I cannot
be sufficiently on my guard against the inroads of avarice
and ambition." " Never think about that, sir !" replied
my secretary ; " the minister will give you some hand-
some appointment which you may fill without any in
peachment of your integrity or independence."
Induced more by Scipio's importunity than my own
curiosity, I repaired the following day before sunrise to
the residence of the Count D'Olivarez, having been in*
formed that every morning, whether in summer or
winter, he gave audience by candlelight to all comers.
I ensconced myself modestly in a corner of the saloon,
and from my lurking-place took especial notice of the
count when he made his appearance ; for I had marked
his person but cursorily in the king's closet. He was
above the middle stature, and might pass for fat in a
country where it is a rarity to see any but lean subjects.
His shoulders were so high as to look exactly as if he
was hump-backed ; but appearances were slanderous :
for his blade-bones, though inelegant, were a pair ; his
head, which was large enough to be capacious, dropped
down upon his chest by the unwieldmess of its own
weight : his hair was black, and unconscious of a curl,
his face lengthened, his complexion olive-coloured, his
mouth retiring inwards, with the sharp-pointed, turn-up
chin of a pantaloon.
* This whole arrangement of structure and symmetry
did not exactly make up the complete model or a noble-
man according to the idea of ancient art ; nevertheless,
as I believed him to be in a temper of mind favourable
to the gratification of my wishes, I looked at bis defecfs
87 #
/
318 GIL BLA9.
with an indulgent eye, and found him a man very much
to my satisfaction. One of the beat points about him
was, that he received the public at large with the utmost
affability and complacency, holding out his hand lor pe-
titions with as much good-humour as if he were the
person to be obliged ; and this was a sufficient set-off
against any thing untoward in the expression of his
countenance. In the meantime, when in my turn I came
forward to pay my respects and make myself known to
him, he darted at me a glance of rude dislike and fright-
ful menace ; then turning his back, without condescend-
ing to give me audience, retired into his closet. Then
it was that the ugliness of this nobleman's features ap-
peared in all the extravagance of caricature ; so that I
made the best of my way out of the saloon, thunder*
struck at so savage a reception, and quite at a loss how
to conjecture what might be the consequence.
Having got back to Scipio, who was waiting for me at
the door, " Can you guess at all," said I, " what sort of
a greeting mine was V* " No !" answered he : " not as
to the minute particulars; but, with respect to the
substance, easily enough : the minister, ready upon all
occasions to fall in with the fancies of his royal mas-
ter, must, of course, have made you a handsome offer of
an ostensible and lucrative situation."" That is all
you know about the matter," replied I : and then went
on to acquaint him circumstantially with all that passed.
He listened to me with serious attention, and then said*
M The count could not have recollected your person, *f
rather he must have been deceived by a fortuitous re-
semblance between you and some impertinent suiter.
I would advise you to try another interview ; I will lay
a wager he will look on you more kindly ." I adopted
my secretary's suggestion, and stood, for the second
time, in the presence of the minister ; but he, behaving
to me still worse than at first, puckered up his features
the moment my unlucky countenance came within his
ken, just as if it was connected with some lodged hate
and certain loathing, which of force swayed him to of-
fend, himself being offended ; after this significant dem-
onstration, he turned away his glaring eyeballs, and
withdrew without uttering a word.
I was stung to the quick by so hostile a treatment,
and in a humour to set out immediately on my return to
Valencia ; but to that project Scipio uniformly opposed
OIL BLAB. 319
bis steady objections, not knowing how, for the life of
him, to part with those flattering hopes which fancy had
engendered in his brain. "Do yon not see plainly,"
said I, " that the count wishes to drive me away from
court t The monarch has testified in his presence some
sort of favourable intention towards me ; and is not that
enough to draw down upon me the thorough hatred of
the monarch's favourite ? Let us drive before the wind,
my good comrade ; let us make up our minds to put qui-
etly into port, and leave the open sea and the honours
of the flag in the possession of an enemy with whom we,
are too feeble to contend." " Sir," answered he, in high
resentment against the Count of Olivarez, " I would not
strike so easily. I would go and complain to the king
of the contempt in which his minister held his recom-
mendation." " Bad advice indeed, my friend !" said I ;
" to take so imprudent a step as that, would soon bring
bitter repentance in the train of its consequences. I do
not even know whether it is safe for me to remain any
longer in this town."
'At this hint, my secretary communed a little with his
own thoughts ; and considering that, in point of fact, we
had to do with a man who kept the key of the tower
of Segovia in his pocket, my fears became naturalized
in his breast. He no longer opposed my earnest desire
of leaving Madrid, and I determined to take my meas-
ures accordingly on the very next day.
CHAPTER III.
THE PROJECT OF RETIREMENT IS PREVENTED, AND J08EPH
NAVARRO BROUGHT UPON THE STAGE AGAIN, BY AN ACT
OF SIGNAL SERVICE.
On my way home to my lodging I met Joseph Navar-
ro, whom the reader will recollect as on the establish-
ment of Don Belthasar de Zuniga, and one of my old
friends. I made a bow, first at a distance, then went
up to him, and asked whether he knew me again, and
if he would still be so good as to speak to a wretch who
had repaid his friendship with ingratitude. " You ac-
knowledge, then," said he, " that you have not behaved
very handsomely by me 1" " Yes," answered I; " and
820 Oil BLAB.
you are folly justified in laying on your reproaches thick
and threefold : I deserve them all, unless, indeed, my
guilt may be thought to have been atoned by the remorse
of conscience attendant on it." " Since you have re-
pented of your misconduct," replied Navarro, embracing
me, " I ought no longer to hold it in remembrance."
For my part, I knew not how to hug Joseph close
enough in my arms ; and we both of us resumed our
Original kind feelings towards one another.
He had heard of my imprisonment and the derange-
ment of my affairs ; but of what followed, he was total-
ly ignorant* I informed him of it ; relating word for
word my conversation with the king, without suppres-
sing the minister's late ungracious reception of me, any
more than my present purpose of retiring into my fa*
vourite obscurity, "Beware of removing from the
scene of action, said he; "since the sovereign has
shown a disposition to befriend you, there are always
uses to be made of such a circumstance. Between our-
selves, the Count of Olivarez has something rather un*
accountable in his character : he is a very good sort of
nobleman, but rather whimsical withal ; sometimes, as
on the present occasion, he acts in a most offensive
manner, and none but himself can furnish a clew to dis-
entangle the intricate thread of his motives and their
results. But, however this may be, or whatever rea-
sons might have swayed him to give you so scurvy a
reception, keep your footing here, and do not budge ; he
will not be able to hinder you from thriving under the
royal shelter and protection ; take my word for that !
I will just give a hint upon the subject this evening to
(Signor Pon Relthasar de Zuniga, my master ; he is un-
cle to the Count of Olivarez, and shares with him in
the toils and cares of office." Navarro, having given me
this assurance, inquired where 1 lived, and then we
parted.
It was not long before we met again, for he came to
call on me the very next day. " Signor de Santillane,"
said he, " you are not without a protector : my master
will lend you his powerful support : on the strength of
the good character which I have given your lordship, he
has promised to speak to his nephew, the Count of Oli-
varez, in your behalf; and I doubt not but he will effect-
ually prepossess him in your favour." My friend Na-
varro, not meaning to serve me by halves, introduced
GIL BLA& 321
me two days afterward to Don Belthasar, who said, with
a gracious air, " Signor de Santillane, your friend Joseph
has pronounced your panegyric in terms which have
won me over completely to your .interest." I made a
low obeisance to Signor de Zuniga, and answered, "that
to the latest period of my life I should entertain the
most lively sense of my obligation to Navarro, for hav-
ing secured to me the protection of a minister who
was considered, and that for the best reasons possible,
as the presiding genius, the greater luminary, or, as it
were, the eye and mind of the ministerial council." Don
Belthasar, at this unexpected stroke of flattery, clapped
me on the shoulder with an approving chuckle, and re-
turned my compliment by a more significant intimation :
" You may call on the Count of Olivarez again to-mor-
row, and then you will have more reason to be pleased
with him."
For the third time, therefore, did I make my appear-
ance before the prime minister, who, picking me out
from among the mob of suiters, cast upon me a look
conveying with it a simper of welcome, from which I
ventured to draw a good omen. " This is all as it should
be," said I to myself; "the uncle has brought the
nephew to his proper bearings." I no longer anticipa-
ted any other than a favourable reception, and my confi-
dence was fully justified. The count, after having giv-
en audience to the promiscuous crowd, took me with
him into his closet, and said, with a familiar address,
" My friend Santillane, you must excuse the little dis-
quietude I have occasioned you merely for my own
amusement ; it was done in sport, though it was death
to you, for the sole purpose of practising on your discre-
tion, and observing to what measures your, disgust and
disappointment would incite you. Doubtless you must
have concluded that your services were displeasing to
me ; but, on the contrary, my good fellow, I must con-
fess frankly, that as far as appears at present, you are
perfectly to my mind. Though the king my master
had not enjoined me to take charge of your fortunes, I
should have done so of my own free choice. Besides,
my uncle Don Belthasar de Zuniga, to whom I can re-
fuse nothing, has requested me to consider you as a man
for whom he particularly interests himself : that alone
would be enough to fix my confidence in you, and make
me most sincerely your friend."
03
322 OIL BLAS.
r
This outset of my career produced so lively an im-
pression on my feelings, that they became unintelligibly
tumultuous. I threw myself at the minister's feet, who
insisted on my rising immediately, and then went on to
the following effect : " Return hither to-day after din-
ner, and ask for my steward : he will acquaint you with
the orders which 1 shall have given him." With these
words his excellency broke up the conference to hear
mass, according to his constant custom every day, after
giving audience ; he then attended the king's levee.
CHAPTER IV.
OIL BLAS INGRATIATES HIMSELF WITH THE COURT OF Oil*
VAREZ.
I did not fail returning after dinner to the prime min-
ister's house, and asking for his steward, whose name
was Don Raymond Caporis. No sooner had I made
myself known, than, paying his civilities to me in the
most respectful manner, " Sir," said he, " follow me, if
you please : I am to do myself the honour of showing
you the way to the apartment which is ordered for you
in this family." Having spoken thus, he led me up a
narrow staircase to a gallery communicating with five
or six rooms, which composed the second story belong-
ing to one wing of the house, and were furnished neat-
ly, but without ostentation. " You behold," resumed
he, " the lodging assigned you by his lordship, where
you will always have a table for six persons, kept at his
expense. You will be waited on by his own servants,
and there will always be a carriage at your command.
But that is not all 1 his excellency insisted on it, in the
most pointed manner, that you should be treated in
every respect with the same attention as if you belong-
ed to the house of Guzman."
What the devil is the meaning of all this ? said I, with-
in myself. What construction ought I to put upon all
these honours* Is there not some humorous prank
at the bottom of it ? and must it not be more in the way
of diversion than any thing else, that the minister is
flattering me up with so imposing an establishment?
While 1 was ruminating in this uncertainty, fluctuating
between hope and fear, a page came to let me know
GIL BLAS. 320
that the count was asking for me. I waited instantly
on his lordship, who was quite alone in his closet.
44 Well ! Santillane," said he, " are you satisfied with
your rooms, and with my orders to Don Raymond ?"
" Your exceUency's liberality," answered I, " seems out
of all proportion with its object ; so that I receive it with
fear and trembling."" Why so V replied he. " Can I
be too lavisk*of distinction to a man whom the king has
committed to my care, and for whose interests he es-
pecially commanded me to provide 1 No, that is impos-
sible; and I do no more than my doty in placing you
on a footing of respectability and consequence. No
longer, therefore, let what 1 do for you be a subject of
surprise ; but rely on it, that splendour in the eye of the
world, and the solid advantages of accumulating wealth,
are equally within your grasp, if you do but attach
yourself as faithfully to me as you did to the Duke of
Lerma.
44 But, now that we are on the subject of that noble*
man," continued he, " it is said that you lived on terms
of personal intimacy with him. I have a strong curi-
osity to learn the circumstances which led to your first
acquaintance, as well as in what department you acted
under him. Do not disguise or gloss over the slightest
particular; for I shall not be satisfied without a full,
true, and circumstantial recital." Then it was that I rec
ollected in what an embarrassing predicament I stood
with the Duke of Lerma on a similar occasion, and by
what line of conduct I extricated myself ; that same
course I adopted once again with the happiest success s
whereby the reader is to understand, that throughout
my narrative I softened down the passages likely to
give umbrage to my patron, and glanced with a superfi-
cial delicacy over transactions which would have re*
fleeted but little lustre on my character. I likewise
manifested a considerate tenderness for the Duke of
Lerma ; though, by giving that fallen favourite no quar*
ter, I should better have consulted the taste of hint
whom I wished to please* As for Don Rodrigo de Cal-
derona, there I laid about me with the religious fury of
a bishop in battle* I brought together, and displayed
in the most glaring colours, all the anecdotes I had been
able to pick up respecting his corrupt practices, and un*
der-hand dealing in the sale of promotions, military,
clesiastical, and civil*
324 GIL BLAS.
"What yoo have told me about Calderona," cried
the minister, with eagerness, "exactly squares with
certain memorials which have been presented to me,
containing the heads of charges still more seriously
affecting his character. He will very soon be put upon
his trial, and if you have any wish to glut your revenge
by his ruin, I am of opinion that the object of your
desire is near at hand." " I am far from thirsting after
his blood," said I, " though, had it depended on him, mine
might have been shed in the tower of Segovia, where
he was the occasion of my taking lodgings for a pretty
long term." " What !" inquired his excellency, " was
it Don Rodrigo who procured you that sudden journey t
This is a part of the story of which I was not aware be-
fore. Don Beithasar, to whom Navarro gave a sum- -
mary of your adventures, told me, indeed, that the late
king gave orders for your commitment, as a mark of
his indignation against you for having led the Prince
of Spain astray, and taking him to a house of suspicious
character in the night ; but that is all I know of the
matter, and cannot, for the life of me, conjecture what
part Calderona could possibly have had to play in that
tragi-comedy." "A principal part, whether on the
stage or in real life," answered I ; " that of a jealous
lover, taking vengeance for an injury sustained in the
tenderest point." At the same time I related minutely
all the facts, with which the reader is already acquaint-
ed, and touched his risible propensities, difficult as they
were of access, so exactly in the right place, that he
could not help wagging his underhung jaw in a par-
oxysm of humour-stricken ecstasy, and laughing till he
cried again. Catalina's double cast in the drama de-
lighted him exceedingly; her sometimes playing the
niece and sometimes personating the grand-daughter,
seemed to tickle his fancy more than anything: nor
was he altogether inattentive to the appearance which
the Duke of Lerma made in this undignified farce of
state.
When I had finished my story, the count gave me
leave to depart, with an assurance that on the next day
he would not fail to make trial of my talents for busi-
ness. I ran immediately to the family hotel of Zuniga,
to thank Don Beithasar for his good offices, and to ac-
quaint my friend Joseph with the favourable dispo-
sitions of the prime minister, and my brilliant prospects
in consequence.
GIL BLAS. 325
CHAPTER V.
THE PRIVATE CONVERSATION OF OIL BLA8 WITH NAVARRO,
AND HIS FIR8T EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE
COUNT D'OLIYAREZ.
As soon as I got to the ear of Joseph, I told him, with
much trepidation of spirits, what a world of topics I had
to deposite in his private ear. He took me where we
might he alone, when I asked him, after having com-
municated a key to the whole transaction up to the
present time, what he thought of the business as it
stood. ** I think," answered he, " that you are in a fair
way to make an enormous fortune. Every thing turns
out according to your wishes ; you have made yourself
acceptable to the prime minister; and what must be
taken for something in the account, I can render you
the same service as my uncle Melchior de la Ronda,
when you attached yourself to the archiepiscopal estab-
lishment of Grenada. He spared you the trouble of
finding out the weak side of that prelate and his princi-
pal officers, by discovering their different characters to
you : and it is my purpose, after his example, to bring
you perfectly acquainted with the count, his lady count*
ess, and their only daughter, Donna Maria de Guzman.
44 The minister's parts are quick, his judgment pene-
trating, and his talents altogether calculated for the for-
mation of extensive projects. He affects the credit of
miversal genius, on the strength of a showy smatter-
ing in general science ; so that there is no subject, in
his own opinion, too difficult to be decided on his mere
authority. He sets -himself up for a practical lawyer, a
complete general, and a politician of thorough-paced
sagacity. Add to all this, that he is so obstinately
wedded to his own opinions, as unchangeably to perse-
vere in the path of his own chalking out, to the abso-
lute contempt of better advice, for fear of seeming to be
influenced by any good sense or intelligence but what
he would be thought to engross in the resources of his
own mind. Between ourselves, this blot in bis charac-
ter may produce strange consequences, which it may
28
326 OIL BLAS.
be well for the monarchy should indulgent Heaven, for
the defect of human means, avert ! As for his talents
in council, he shines in debate by the force of natural
eloquence, and would write as well as he speaks, if he
did not injudiciously affect a certain dignity of style,
which degenerates into affectation, quaintness, and
obscurity. His modes of thinking are peculiar to him-
self; he is capricious in conduct, and visionary in de-
sign. Here you have the picture of his mind, the light
and shade of his intellectual merits ; the qualities of his
heart and disposition remain to be delineated. He is
generous, and warm in his friendships. It is said
that he is revengeful ; but would he be a Spaniard if
he were otherwise ? In addition to this, he has been
accused of ingratitude, for having driven the Duke of
Uzeda and Friar Lewis Aliaga into banishment, though
he owed them, according to common report, obligations
of the most binding nature ; and yet even this must not
be looked into so narrowly under his circumstances;
there are few breasts capacious enough to afford house-
room for two such opposite inmates as political am-
bition and gratitude.
"Donna Agnes de Zuniga e Velasco, Countess of
Olivarez," continued Joseph, " is a lady to whom it is
impossible to impute more than one fault, but that is a
huge one; for.it consists in making a market, and a
market the most exorbitant in its terms, of her natural
influence over the mind of her husband. As for Donna
Maria de Guzman, who, beyond all dispute, is at this
moment the very first match in Spain, she is a lady of
firstrate accomplishments, and absolutely idolized by
her father. Regulate your conduct upon these hints ;
make your court with art and plausibility to these two
ladies, and let it appear as if you were more devoted to
the Count of Olivarez than ever you were to the Duke
of Lerma before your forced excursion to Segovia; you
will become a leading and powerful member of the ad-
ministration.
" I should advise you, moreover," added he, " to see
my master, Don Belthasar, from time to time; for
though you have no longer any occasion for his interest
to push you forward, it will not be amiss to waste a lit-
tle incense upon him. You stand very high in his good
opinion ; preserve your footing there, and cultivate his
friendship; it may stand you in some stead on any
OIL BX1A8. 327
*
emergency." I could not help observing, that as the
uncle and nephew were in a certain sort partners in
the government of the state, there might possibly be
some little symptom of jealousy between brothers near
the throne. "On the contrary," answered he, "they
are united by the most confidential ties. Had it not
been for Don Belthasar, the Count of Olivarez might
probably never have been prime minister; for you are
to know, that after Philip the Third had paid the debt
of nature, all the adherents and partisans belonging to
the house of Sandoval made a great stir, some in favour
of the cardinal, and others on his son's behalf; but my
master, a greater adept in court intrigue than any of
them, and the count, who is nearly as great an adept as
himself, disconcerted all their measures, and took their
own so judiciously for the purpose of stepping into the
vacant place, that their rivals had no chance against
them. The Count of Olivarez, being appointed prime
minister, divided the duties with his uncle, Don Beltha-
sar ; leaving foreign affairs to him, and taking the home
department to himself; the consequence is, that the
bonds of family friendship are drawn closer between
these two noblemen, than if political influence had no
share in their mutual interests; they are perfectly in-
dependent in their respective lines of business, and
live together on terms of good understanding, which no
intrigue can possibly affect or alter." 4
Such was the substance of my conversation with Jo-
seph, and the advantage to be derived from it was my
own to make the most of; at all events, it was my duty
to thank Signor de Zuniga for all the influence he had
the goodness to exert in my favour. He assured me,
with infinite good-breeding, that he should avail him-
self of every opportunity, as it rose, to promote my
wishes, and that he was very glad his nephew had be-
haved so as to meet my ideas, because he meant to re-
fresh his memory in my behalf, being determined, as he
was pleased to say, to place it beyond all manner of
doubt how far he himself participated in all my views,
and to make it evident that, instead of one fast friend,
I had two. In terms like these did Don Belthasar,
through mere friendship for Navarro, take the mould-
ing of my fortunes on himself.
On that same evening did I leave my paltry lodging
to take up my abode at the prime minister's, where I
328 GIL BLAS.
sat down to suppef with Scipio in my own suite of
apartments. There were we both waited on by the
servants belonging to the household, who, as they
stood behind our chairs while we were affecting the
pomp and circumstance of political elevation, were
more likely than not to be laughing in their sleeves at
the pantomime they had been ordered by their mana-
ger to play in our presence. When they had taken
away and left us to ourselves, my secretary, being no
longer under restraint, gave vent to a thousand wild
imaginations, which his sprightly temper and inventive
hopes engendered in his fancy. On my part, though
by no means cold or insensible to the brilliant prospects
which were opening on my view, I did not, as yet, yield
in the least degree to the weakness of being thrust
aside from the right line of my philosophy by temporal
allurements. So much otherwise, that on going to
bed 1 fell into a sound sleep, without being haunted in
my dreams by those phantoms of flattering delusion*
which might have gained admittance with no severe
question from a corruptible doorkeeper. The ambitious
Scipio, on the contrary, tossed and tumbled all night in
the agitation of restless contrivance. Whenever he
dozed, a little imp took possession of his brain, with a
pen behind its ear, working out, by all the rules of arith-
metic, the bulky sum-total of his daughter Serapbina's
marriage-portion.
No sooner had I got my clothes on the next morning,
than a message came from his lordship. I flew like
lightning at the summons, when his excellency said,
" Now, then ! Santillane, suppose you give us a speci-
men of your talents for business. You say that the
Duke of Lerma used to give you state papers to bring
into official form ; and I have one, by way of experi-
ment, on which you shall try your skill. The subject
you will easily comprehend; it turns upon an exposition
of public affairs, such as to throw an artificial light on
the first appearance of the new ministry, and to preju-
dice the public in its favour. I have already whispered
it about by my emissaries, that every department of the
state was completely disorganized, that the talents
which preceded us were no talents at all ; and the ob-
ject at present is to impress both court and city, by a
formal declaration, with the idea that our aid is abso-
lutely necessary to save the monarchy itself from sink-
GIL BLAS. 329
illg. On this theme you may expatiate till the populace
become lock-jawed with astonishment, and the sober
part of the public are gravely argued out of all prepos-
session in favour of the discarded party. By way of
contrast, you will talk of the dignus vindice nodus, taking
care to translate it into Spanish ; and boast of the meas-
ures adopted under the new order of things to secure
the permanent glory of the king's reign, to give per-
petual prosperity to his dominions, and to confer per-
fect, unchangeable happiness on his good people."
His lordship, having given out the general subject of
my thesis, left with me a paper containing the heads of
charges, whether just or unjust, against the late admin-
istration: and I remember perfectly well that there
were ten articles, whose lightest word, even of the
lightest article, would harrow up the soul of a true
Spaniard, and make his knotted and combined locks to
part. That the current of my fancy might experience
bo interruption, he shut me into a little closet near his
own, where the spirit of poetry might possess me in all
its freedom and independence. My best faculties were
called forth, to compose a statement of affairs com-
mensurate with my own concern in the sweeping of .
the new brooms. My first object was to lay open
tftie nakedness and abandonment of the kingdom : the
finances in a state of bankruptcy, the civil list and im-
mediate resources of the crown pawned fifty times over,
the navy unpaid, dismantled, and in mutiny. All this
hideous delineation was referred for its justice and ac-
curacy to the wrongheadedness and stupidity of gov-
ernment at the close of the last reign, and the doctrine
most strongly enforced, that unexampled wisdom and
patriotism only could ward off the fatal consequences.
In short, the monarchy could only be sustained on the
shoulders of our political sufficiency and reforming pru-
dence. The ex-ministry were so cruelly belaboured,
that the Duke of Lerma*s ruin, according to the terms
of my syllogism, was the salvation of Spain. To own
the truth, though my professions were in the spirit of
Christian charity towards that nobleman, I was not
sorry to give him a sly rub in the exercise of my func-
tion. Oh man ! man ! what a compound of candour-
breathing satire and splenetic impartiality art thou !
Towards the conclusion, having finished my frightful
portraiture of overhanging evils, I endeavoured to allay
28*
880 Git BLAB.
the storm my art had raised by making futurity as
bright as the past had been gloomy. The Count of Oli-
varez was brought in at the close" like the tutelary deity
of an ancient commonwealth in the crisis of its fate : I
promised more than paganism ever feigned, or chivalry
fancied, in the wildest of its crusading projects. In a
word, I so exactly executed what the new minister
meant, that he seemed not to know his own hints again,
when drawn out in my emphatic and appropriate lan-
guage. " Santillane," said he, " do you know that this
is more like the composition one might expect from a
secretary of state than like that of a private secretary \
I can no longer be surprised that the Duke of Lerma
was fond of calling your talents into action. Your
style is concise, and by no means inelegant; but k
creeps rather too much in the level paths of nature. 11
At the same time, pointing out the passages which did
not hit his fancy, he corrected them ; and I gathered
from the touches he threw in, that Navarro was right in
saying he affected sententious wit, but mistook for it
quaint and stale conceits. Nevertheless, though he
E referred the stately, or rather the grotesque in writing,
e sintered two thirds of my performance to stand with-
out alteration ; and, by way of proving how entirely he
was satisfied, sent me three hundred pistoles by Don
Raymond after dinner.
CHAPTER VI
THE APPLICATION OF THE THREE HUNDRED PISTOLES, AND
SCIPIO'S COMMISSION CONNECTED WITH THEM. SUCCESS OF
THE STOATS PAPER MENTIONED IN THE LAST CHAPTER.
This handsome present of the minister furnished
Scipio with a new subject of congratulation, by reason
of our second appearance at court. " You may re-
mark," said he, "that fortune is preparing a load of
aggrandizement to lay on your lordship's shoulders.
Are you still sorry for having turned your back on soli-
tude 1 May the Count of Olivarez live for ever ! he is
a very different sort of a master from his predecessor.
The Duke of Lerma, with all your devotion to his ser-
vice, left you to live upon suction for months, without a
OIL BLA8. 331
pistole to blew yourself with; and the count has al-
ready made you a present which you could have had no
refeson to expect but after a course of long service.
" I should very much like/' added he, " that the lords
of Leyva should be witnesses of your great success,
or at least that they should be informed of it."*-" It is
high time indeed," answered I, " and I meant to speak
with you on that subject. They must, doubtless, be im-
patient to hear of my proceedings ; but I waited till my
tate was fixed, and till 1 could decide for certain whether
I should stay at court or not Now that I am sure of
v destination, you have only to set out for Valencia
whenever you please, and to acquaint those noblemen
with my present situation, which I consider as their
3oing, since it is evident that,, but for them, I should
never have resolved on my journey to Madrid." ** My
tear master," cried the son of Bohemian accident, " what
joy shall I communicate by relating what has happened
to you ! Why am I not already at the gates of Valen-
cia 1 But I shall be there forthwith* Don Alphonso's
two horses are ready in the stable. I shall take one of
any lord's livery servants with me. Besides that com*
any is pleasant on the road, you know very well the ._
effect of official parade in making impression on the
natives of a provincial town. 9 '
I could not help laughing at my secretary's foolish
vanity ; and yet, with vanity perhaps more than equal
to his own, I left him to do as he pleased. u Go about
jour business," said I, " and make the best of your way
back, for I have another commission to give you. I
mean to send you to the Asturias with some money for
my mother. Through neglect, I have suffered the time
to elapse when I promised to remit her a hundred pis-
toles, and pledged you to make the payment in person*
Such engagements ought to be held sacred by a son,
and I reproach myself with inaccuracy in the observance
of mine." " Sir," answered Scipio, " within six weeks
1 shall bring you an account of both your commissions ;
having opened my budget to the lords of Leyva, looked
in at your country-house, and taken a peep at the town
of Oviedo, the recollection of which I cannot admit
into my mind without turning over three fourths of the
inhabitants, and one half of the remaining quarter, to
the corrective discipline of that infernal executioner,
who is supposed to be kept on foot for the purpose of
332 GIL fcLAfl.
castigating sinners." I then counted down one hundred
Eistoles to that same son of a wandering mother for my
onoured parent's annuity, and another hundred for
himself ; meaning that he should perform his long jour-
ney without grumbling on my account by the way.
Some days after his departure, his lordship sent our
memorial to press : and it was no sooner published than
it became the topic of conversation in every circle
throughout Madrid. The people, enamoured of novelty,
took up this well- written statement of their own wretch-
edness with fond partiality; the derangement and ex*
haustion of the finances, painted with a mixture of truth
and poetry, excited a strong feeling of popular indigna-
tion against the Duke of Lerma ; and if those paper bul-
lets of the brain, cast in the political armory of a rival,
failed to carry victory with them in the opinions of all
mankind, they were, at all events, hailed with triumph
by the most clamorous of our own partisans. As for the
magnificent promises which the Count of Olivarez
threw in, and, among others, that of keeping the machine
of state in motion by a system of economy, without
adding to the public burdens, they were caught at with
avidity by the citizens at large, and Considered as
pledges of an enlightened and patriotic policy ; so that
the whole city resounded with the acclamation of pane-
gyric and congratulation on the opening of new. pros-
pects.
The minister, delighted to have gained his end so
easily, which in that publication had only been to draw
popularity upon himself, was now determined to seize
the substance as well as catch at the shadow, by an act
of unquestionable credit with the subject, and high
utility to the king's service. For that purpose, he had
recourse to the Emperor Galba's contrivance, consisting
in a forced regurgitation of ill-gotten spoils from indi-
viduals who had made large fortunes, hell and their own
consciences knew best how, in the superintendence of
the royal expenditure. When he had squeezed these
sponges till they were dry again, and had filled the
king's coffers with the drainings, he undertook to render
the reform permanent by abolishing all pensions, not
excepting his own, and curtailing the gratuities too fre-
quently bestowed on favourites out of the prince's privy
purse. To succeed in this design, which he could not
carry into effect without changing the face of the gov-
GIL BLA9. 333
eminent, he charged me with the composition of a new
state paper, furnishing the substance and the form from
his own ideas. He then advised me to raise my style
as much as possible above the level of my ordinary
simplicity, and to give an air of more eloquence to my
phraseology. "A hint is sufficient, my lord," said I:
" your excellency wishes to unite sublimity with illu-
mination, and it shall be so." I shut myself up in the
same closet where I had already worked so success-
fully, and sat down stiffly to my task, first calling to my
aid the lofty and clear perceptions, the noble and sonorous
expressions of my old instructer, the archbishop of
Grenada.
I began by laying it down as a first maxim of political
philosophy, that the vital functions, the respiration, as it
were, of all monarchy, depended on the strict adminis-
tration of the finances : that in our particular case, that
duty became imperiously urgent, irresistibly pressing on
our consciences ; and that the revenue should be con-
sidered as the nerves and sinews of Spain, to hold her
rivals in check and keep her enemies in awe. After this*
general declamation, I pointed out to the sovereign, for
to him the memorial was addressed, that#by cutting
down all pensions and perquisities dependant on the
ordinary income, he would not thereby deprive himself
of that truly royal pleasure, a princely munificence to-
wards those of his subjects who had established a fair
claim to his favours ; because, without drawing upon his
treasury, he had the means of distributing more accept-
able rewards,: that for one branch of service, there were
iceroyalties, lieutenancies, orders of merit, and all
sorts of military commissions ; for another, high judi-
cial situations, with salaries annexed, civil offices of
magistracy, with sounding titles to give them conse-
quence; and, though last, not least, all the temporal
possessions of the church, to animate the piety of its
spiritual pastors.
This memorial, which was much longer than the first,
occupied me nearly three days ; but, as luck would have
it, my performance was exactly to my master's mind,
who, finding it written with sententious cogency, .and
bristled up with metaphors in the declamatory parts,
complimented me in the highest terms. " That is vastly
well expressed, indeed !" said he, laying his finger on a
passage here and there, and picking out all the most
334 GIL BLA9.
inflated sentences he could find : " that language beam
the stamp of fine composition, and might pass for the
production of a classic. Courage, my friend ! I foresee
that your services will he worth their wait in gold."
And yet, notwithstanding the applauses he lavished on
my classical composition, a few of his own heightening
touches, he thought, would make it read still better.
He put a good deal of his own stuff into it, and the
medley was manufactured into a piece of eloquence
which was considered as unanswerable by the king and
all the court. The whole city joined in opinion with
the higher orders, deriving the most flattering hopes of
the future from these grand promises, and concluding
that the monarchy must recover its pristine splendour
during the ministry of so illustrious a character. His
excellency, finding that my sermon on economy was
fraught with practical inferences of utility to him, was
kind enough to wish that I should profit by the exercise
of my own talents. In conformity, therefore, with his
new system of patronage, he gave me an annuity of five
hundred crowns on the commandery of Castile; and
the acceptance of it was so much the more palatable,
as no dirty work had been done for it, but it was hon-
estly, though cheaply, earned.
CHAPTER VII.
GIL BLAS MEET8 WITH HIS FRIEND FABRICIO ONCE MORE^ TBS
ACCIDENT, PLACE, AND CIRCUMSTANCES DESCRIBED; WITH
THE PARTICULARS OF THEIR CONVERSATION TOGETHER.
Nothing gave his lordship greater pleasure than to
hear the general decision of Madrid on the conduct of
his administration. Not a day passed but he inquired
what they were saying of him in the political world.
He kept spies in pay, to bring him an exact account of
what was going on in the city. They particularized
the most trivial discourses which they overheard ; and
their orders being to suppress nothing, bis self-love
was grazed now and then ; for the people have a way
of bolting out home-truths, without any nice calculation
where they may glance.
Finding that the count loved political small-talk, I
GIL BIAS. 936
made it my business to frequent places of public resort
after dinner, and to chime in with the conversation of
genteel poople whenever opportunity offered. Should
the measures of government happen to be canvassed
among them, I pricked up my ears, and greedily took in
their discourse ; if any thing worth repeating was said,
his excellency was sure to hear of it. It can scarcely
be necessary to hint, that I never carried home any
thing which was not likely to pay for the porterage.
One day, returning from one of these little conversa*
tional parties, my road lay in front of an hospital. It oc-
curred to me to go in. I walked through two or three
wards, filled with diseased patients, and examined their
beds, to see that they were properly taken care of.
Among these unhappy wretches, whom 1 could not look
at without the most painful feelings, I observed one
whose features struck me : it surely could be no other
than Fabricio, my countryman and chum ! To look at
him more closely, 1 drew near his bedside, and finding,
beyond a possibility of doubt, that it was the poet Nunez,
1 stopped to look at him for a few seconds without say-
ing a word. He also fixed his regards on me. At
length, breaking silence, "Do not my eyes deceive
me P said I. " Is it indeed Fabricio, and here P " It
is indeed," answered he, coldly, "and you need not
wonder at it. Since we parted, I have been working
indefatigably at the trade of an author: I have written
novels, plays, and works of genius in every department.
My brain is fairly spun out, and here I am."
I could not help laughing at such a sketch of literary
biography, and still more at the serious air of the ac-
companying action. " What !" cried I, " has your muse
brought you to this pass ? Has she played you such a
jade's trick as this 1" " Even as you witness," answer-
ed he ; "this establishment is a sort of half-pay recep-
tacle for invalids on the muster-roll of disabled wit.
You have acted discreetly, my good friend, to lay your-
self out for promotion in a different line. But they tell me
you are no longer a courtier, and that your prospects in
political life were all blasted ; nay, they went so far as
to affirm, that you were committed to close custody by
the king's order." * They told you no more than the
truth," replied I : " the delightful vision of political emi-
nence wherein you left me last, soon shifted the scene
of my incoherent dreams to a prison and complete desti-
836 GIL BLA8.
tution. Bat, for all that, my friend, here you behold me
again, in a better plight than ever." " That is quite out
of the question," $aid Nunez ; " your deportment is dis-
creet and decent ; you have not that supercilious and
devil-take-the-hindmost sort of aspect, which good keep
communicates to the human face." *' The reverses of
this checkered life, 19 replied I, " have brought me down
to the level of the more modest virtues ; I have taken a
lesson in the school of adversity, to enjoy the possession
of a good stud without riding the great horse."
" Tell me then, candidly," cried Fabricio, raising his
head upon his hand, with his hand upon the pillow,
"what your present occupation can possibly be. A
steward, perhaps, to some nobleman out at the elbows,
or man of business to some rich widow " " Something
better than either the one or the other," rejoined 1,
" but excuse me from saying more at present : another
time your curiosity shall be satisfied. It is enough at
present to assure you that my means are equal to my
inclination, and that you may command independence
through me : but then you must submit to an embargo
on your wit, and a non-intercourse act between you
and the faculty of writing, whether in verse or in prose.
Can you make this sacrifice to my friendship?" "I
have already made it to the powers above," said he,
" in my last critical sickness. A Dominican made me
forswear poetry, as an amusement bordering on crimi-
nality, but at all events beside the turnpike-road of good
sense." " I wish you joy, my dear Nunez," replied I ;
" but beware of a revoke." " There is not the least dan-
ger on that head," rejoined he : " the muses and I have
agreed on terms of separation : just as you came in at
that door, I was conning over a farewell ode." * Good
Master Fabricio," said I, with a wise swagging to and
fro of my head, "it is a doubtful question whether your
vow of abjuration ought to pass current with the Domin-
ican and myself: you seem over head and ears in love
with those virgins incarnate."" No, no," contended he,
peevishly, " I have cut the connexion asunder. Nay,
more, I have quarrelled with their keepers, the public.
The readers of these days do not deserve an author of
more genius than themselves : I should be sorry to write
down to their comprehension. You are not to suppose
that this is the language of disgust ; it is my sincere
and well-weighed opinion. Applauses and hisses are
GIL BLAS. 337
just the same to me ! It is a toss up who fails and who
succeeds \ the wit of to-day is the blockhead of to-mor-
row. What cursed fools our dramatists must be, to
care for any thing but their poundage, when their plays
happen to be received ! It is very well for a few nights !
But only fancy a revival at the end of twenty years,
and what a figure they will cut then ! The audiences of
the present day turn up their noses at the stock pieces
of the last age, and it is a question whether their taste
will fare better with their more critical descendants.
If that conjecture be probable, the inventors of clap-
traps now will be the butt of cat-calls hereafter* It is
just the same with novel-writers, and all other manu-
facturers of unnecessary literature : they strut and fret
for an hour, and then are no more seen or heard of.
The glories of successful authorship are the mere va-
pours of a murky atmosphere, meteors of a marsh, foul
coruscations of a dunghill, cathedral tapers to put out
the galaxy, blue flames of coarse paper held over a
candle."
Though these caricatures of rival renown were the
mere creations of jealousy in the poet of the Asturias,
it was not my business to correct his ill-temper. " I am
delighted," said I, " that wit and you have had so serious
a quarrel ; and that the diarrhoea of your inventive fac-
ulties has been cured by an astringent You may de-
pend on it, I will put you in the way of a good liveli-
hood, without drawing deep upon your intellectual cred-
it."" So much the better," cried he ; " wit smells like
carrion in my nostrils, or rather like a pungent and dele-
terious perfume ; fragrant to the sense, but corrosive to
the vitals." I heartily wish, my dear Fabricio," re-
sumed I, "that you may always keep in that mind.
Only wash your hands completely of poetry, and you
may depend on it, I will enable you to keep your head
above water without picking and stealing. In the mean-
while," added I, slipping a purse of sixty pistoles into
his hand, " accept this as a slight instance of my regard."
" O, friend like the friends in days of yore," cried the
son of barber Nunez, out of his wits with joy and grati-
tude, " it was Heaven itself which sent you into this
hospital, whence your goodness is now discharging
me !" Before we parted, 1 gave him my address, and in-
vited him to come and see me as soon as his health
would permit. He opened his eyes as an oyster does
Vol. II. P 29
338 GIL BLA8.
its shell, when I told him that I lodged under the min-
ister's roof. " O, illustrious Gil Bias !" said he, " great
as Pompey and fortunate as Sylla, whose lot it is to be
hand in glove with the dictators of modern times ! I re-
joice most disinterestedly in your good-fortune, because
it is so very evident what a noble use you make of it."
CHAPTER VIII.
OIL RLA8 GBTB FORWARD PROGRESSIVELY IN HIS MASTEft's af-
fections. scipio's return to Madrid, and account of
his journey.
The Count of Olivarez, whom I shall henceforward
call my lord duke, because the king was pleased to con-
fer that dignity on him about this time, was infested
with a weakness which I did not suffer to pass without
taking toll : it was a furious desire of being beloved.
The moment that he fancied any one really liked him,
his heart was caught in a trap. This was not lost upon
my keen sense of character. It was not enough to do
precisely as he ordered ; 1 superadded a zeal in the ex-
ecution which made him mine. I laid myself out to his
liking in every thing, and provided beforehand for his
most eccentric wishes.
By conduct like this, which almost always answers, I
became by degrees my master's favourite ; and he, on
the other hand, as if he had got round to my blind side
also, wormed himself into my affections, by giving me
his own. So forward did I get into his good graces, as
to halve his confidence with Signor Carnero, his princi-
pal secretary.
Carnero had played my game, and that so success-
fully, as to be intrusted with the greater mysteries.
We two, therefore, were the keepers of the prime min-
ister's conscience, and held the keys of all his secrets :
with this difference, that Carnero was consulted on
state affairs, myself about his private concerns, divi-
ding the business into two separate departments ; and
we were each of us equally pleased with our own. We
lived together without jealousy, and certainly without
attachment. I had every reason to be satisfied with my
OIL BLAS. 339
quarters, where continual intercourse gave me an op-
portunity of prying into the duke's inmost soul, which
was a masked battery to all mankind besides, but plain
as a pike-staff to me, when he no longer questioned my
attachment to him.
44 Santillane," said he one day, " you were witness to
the Duke of Lerma's possession of an authority more
like that of an absolute monarch than a favourite minis-
ter; and yet I am still happier than he was at the very
summit of his good fortune. He had two formidable ene-
mies in his own son, the Duke of Uzeda, and in the con-
fessor of Philip the Third ; but there is no one now
about the king who has credit enough to stand in my
way, or even, as I am aware, the slightest inclination to
do me mischief.
44 It is true," continued he, 4t that on my accession to
the ministry, it was my first care to remove all hangers-
on from about the prince but those of my own family or
connexions. By means of vice royalties or embassies, I .
got rid of all the nobility who, by their personal merit,
could have interfered with me in the good graces of the
sovereign, whom I mean to engross entirely to myself;
so that 1 may say, at the present moment, no statesman
of the time holds me in check by the ascendency of his
personal influence. You see, Gil Bias, 1 open my mind
to you. As I have reason to think that you are mine,
heart and soul, I have chosen to put you in possession
of every thing. You are a clever youth, with reflec-
tion, penetration, and discretion ; in short, you are just
the very creature to acquit yourself of all possible little
offices in all possible directions; you are also a young
fellow of very promising parts, and must, in the nature
of things, be in my interests."
There was no standing the attack which these flatter-
ing representations were calculated to make upon the
weakly-defended fortress of my philosophy. Unautho-
rized whims of avarice and ambition mounted suddenly
into my head, and brought forward certain sentiments
of political speculation which were supposed to have
been in abeyance. I gave the minister an assurance that
I should fulfil his intentions to the utmost of my power,
and held myself in readiness to execute, without exam-
ination or inference, all the orders it might be his pleas-
ure to give me.
White I was thus disposed to take fortune in heraffa-
P3
340 OIL BLAS.
ble fit, Seipio returned from his peregrination. " I have
no long story for you," said he. " The lords of Leyva
were delighted at your reception from the king, and at
the manner in which the Count of Olivarez and you
came to understand one another.'.'
" My friend," said I, u you would have delighted them
still more, had you been able to tell them on what a foot-
ing I am now with my lord. My advances since your
departure have been prodigious." " Happy man be his
dole, my dear master," answered he ; " my mind fore-
bodes that we shall cut a figure."
" Let us change the subject," said I, " and talk of
Oviedo. You have been in the Asturias. How did you
leave my mother ?" Ah ! sir," replied he, with an un-
dertaker's decency of countenance, " I have a melan-
choly tale to tell you from that quarter." " O, Heaven,"
exclaimed I, " my mother, then, is dead !" " Six months
since," said my secretary, " did the good lady pay the
debt of nature, and your uncle, Signor Gil Perez, about
the same period."
My mother's death preyed upon my susceptible na-
ture, though in my childhood 1 had not received from
her those little fondling indications of maternal love, so
necessary to amalgamate with the more serious convic-
tions of filial duty. The good canon, too, came in for his
share of my lachrymal libations, for his great care in
bringing me op according to the rules of godliness and
honesty. My serious grief was not lasting ; but I never
lost sight of a certain tender recollection, whenever the
idea of my dear relations shot across my mind.
CHAPTER IX.
HOW MY LORD DUKE MARRIED HIS ONLY DAUGHTER, AND TO
whom; with the bitter consequences or that mar-
riage.
Very shortly after the son of Cosclina's return, my
lord duke fell into a brown study, and it lasted a com-
plete week. I conceived, of course, that he was brood-
ing over some great measure of government; but fam-
ily concerns were the object of his musings. "Gil
Blas,^ said he, one day after dinner, " you may per-
GIL BLAS. 341
ceive that my mind is a good deal distracted. Yes;
my good friend, I am pondering over an affair of the
utmost consequence to my feelings. You shall know
all about it.
44 My daughter, Donna Maria," pursued he, " is mar-
riageable, and of course beset with suiters. The Count
de Nibbles, eldest son of the Duke de Medina Sidonia,
head of the Guzman family, and Don Lewis de Haro,
eldest son of the Marquis de Carpio and my eldest sis-
ter, are the two most likely competitors. The latter, in
particular, is superior in point of merit to all his rivals,
so that the whole court has fixed on him for my son-in-
law. Nevertheless, without entering into private mo-
tives for treating him, as well as the Count de Niebles,
with a refusal, my present views are fixed upon Don
Ramirez Nunez de Guzman, Marquis of Toral, head of
the Guzmans d' Abrados, another branch of the family.
To that nobleman and his progeny, by my daughter, I
mean to leave all my property, and to entail on them the
title of Count D'Olivarez, with the additional dignity of
grandee ; so that my grandchildren and their descend-
ants, issue of the Abrados and Okvarez branch, will
be considered as taking precedence in the house of Guz-
man.
M Tell me, now, Santillane," added he, " do you not
like my project !" " Excuse me, my lord," pleaded I,
with a shrug, " the design is worthy of the genius which
gave birth to it ; my only fear is, lest the Duke of Me-
dina Sidonia should think fit to be out of humour at-it."
" Let him take it as he lists," resumed the minister; " I
give myself very little concern about that. His branch
is no favourite with me; they have choused that of
Abrados out of their precedence and many of their
privileges. I shall be far less affected by his ill humours
than by the disappointment of my sister, the Marchion-
ess de Carpio, when she sees my daughter slip through
her son's fingers. But, let that be as it may, I am deter-
mined to please myself, and Don Ramirez shall be the
man-; it is a settled point."
My lord duke, having announced this firm resolve, did
not carry it into effect without giving a new proof of his
singular policy. He presented a memorial to the king,
entreating him and the queen in concert, to do him the
honour of taking the choice of a husband for his daugh-
ter on themselves, at the same time acquainting them
89*
942 OIL BLAS.
with the pretensions of the suiters, and professing to
abide by their election ; but he took care, when naming
the Marquis de Toral, to evince clearly whither his
own wishes pointed. The king, therefore, with a blind
deference for his minister, answered thus : " I think
that Don Ramires Nunez deserves Donna Maria ; but
determine for yourself. The match of your own choos-
ing will be most agreeable to me.
(Signed) " Ths Kwg."
The minister made a point of showing this answer
everywhere ; and, affecting to consider it as a royal
mandate, hastened his daughter's marriage with the
Marquis de Toral ; a death-blow to the hopes of the
Marchioness de Carpio, and the rest of the Guzman*,
who had been speculating on an alliance with Donna
Maria. These rival players of a losing game, not being
able to break off the match, put the best face they could
upon it, and made the fashionable world to resound with
their costly celebrations of the event. A superficial ob-
server might have fancied that the whole family was
delighted with the arrangement; but the pouters and ill-
wishers were soon revenged most cruelly at my lord
duke's expense. Donna Maria was brought to bed
of a daughter at the end of ten months ; the infant was
stillborn, and the mother died a few days afterward.
What a loss for a father who had no eyes, as one may
say, but for his daughter, and in her loss felt the miscar-
riage of his design, to quash the right of precedence in
the branch of Medina Sidonia ! Stung to the quick by
his misfortune, he shut himself up for several days, and
was visible to no one but myself ; a sincere sympathizer,
from the recollection of my own experience, in his sor-
row. The occasion drew forth fresh tears to Antonia's
memory. The death of the Marchioness de Toral, un-
der circumstances so similar, tore open a wound imper-
fectly skinned over, and so exasperated my affliction,
that the minister, though he had enough to do with his
own sufferings, could not help taking notice of mine. It
seemed unaccountable how exactly his feelings were
echoed. " Gil Bias," said he one day, when my tears
seemed to feed upon indulgence, " my greatest consola-
tion consists in having a bosom friend so much alive to
all my distresses." M Ah! my lord," answered I, giving
him the full credit of my amiable tenderness, " I must
oil bus. 343
be ungrateful and degenerate in my nature, if I did not
lament as for myself. Can I be aware that you mourn
over a daughter of accomplished merit, whom you loved
so tenderly, without shedding tears of fellow-feeling ?
No, my lord, I am too much naturalized to you on the
aide of obligation, not to take a permanent interest in
all your pleasures and disappointments/'
CHAPTER X.
OIL BLAB MEETS WITH THE POET NUNEZ BY ACCIDENT, AND
LEARNS THAT HE HA8 WRITTEN A TRAGEDY, WHICH 18 ON
THE POINT OF BEING BROUGHT OUT AT THE THEATRE ROY AC.
THE ILL-FORTUNE OF THE PIECE, AND THE GOOD-FORTUNE
OF IT8 AUTHOR.
The minister began to pick up his crumbs, and myself
consequently to get into feather again, when one evening
1 went out alone in the carriage to take an airing. On
the road I met the poet of the Asturias, who had been
lost to my knowledge ever since his discharge from the
hospital. He was very decently dressed. 1 called him
up, gave him a seat in my carriage, and we drove to-
gether to St. Jerome's meadow.
" Master Nunez," said I, " it is lucky for me to have
met you accidentally ; for otherwise 1 should not have
had the pleasure " " No severe speeches, Santil-
lane," interrupted he, with considerable eagerness : " I
must own frankly that I did not mean to keep up your
acquaintance, and I will tell you the reason. You prom-
ised me a good situation, provided 1 abjured poetry ; but'
1 have found a very excellent one, on condition of keep-
ing my talents in constant play. I accepted the latter
alternative, as squaring best with my own humour. A
friend of mine got me an employment under Don Ber~
trand Gomez del Ribero, treasurer of the king's galleys.
This Don Bertrand, wanting to have a wit in his pay,
and finding my turn for poetical composition very much
in unison with his own sense of what is excellent, has
chosen me in preference to five or six authors who a
fered themselves as candidates for the place of his pri-
vate secretary."
" I am delighted at the news, my dear Fabricio," said
344 oil BCis. t
I, " for this Don Bertrand mast be very rich. 11 " Rich
indeed !" answered he, " they say that he does not
know himself how much he is worth. However that
may be, my business under him is as follows. He prides
himself on his turn for gallantry, at the same time wish-
ing to pass for 1 a man of genius : he therefore keeps up
an epistolary intercourse of wit with several ladies who
have an infinite deal, and borrows my brain to cndite such
letters as may amplify the opinion of his sprightliness
and elegance. I wrote to one for him in verse, to an-
other in prose, and sometimes carry the letters myself,
to prove the agility of my heels as well as the ingenuity
of my head."
" But you do not tell me," said I, " what I most want
to know. Are you, well paid for your epigrammatic
cards of compliment V " Yes, most plentifully," an-
swered he. " Rich men are not always open-handed ;
and I know some who are downright curmudgeons ; but
Don Bertrand has behaved in the most handsome man-
ner. Besides a salary of two hundred pistoles, I receive
some little occasional perquisites from him, sufficient
to set me above the world, and enable me to live on an
equal footing with some choice spirits of the literary
circles, who are willing, like myself, to set care at de-
fiance." " But, then," resumed I, " has your treasurer
critical skill enough to distinguish the beauties of a per-
formance from its blemishes 1" " The least likely man
in the world," answered Nunez: "a flippant-tongued
smatterer, with a miserable assortment of materials for
judging. Yet he gives himself out for chief justice and
lord president of Apollo's tribunal. His decisions are
adventurous, if not always lucky; while his opinions
are maintained in so high a tone, and with so bullying a
challenge of infallibility, that nine times out of ten the
issue of an argument is silence, though not conviction,
on the part of the opponent, as a measure of precaution
against the gathering storm of foul language and con-
temptuous sneers.
" You may readily suppose," continued he, " that I
take especial care never to contradict him, though it al-
most exceeds human patience to forbear : for, to say
nothing of the unpalatable phrases that might be hailed
down on my defenceless head, I should stand a very
good chance of being shoved by the shoulders out of
doors. 1 therefore am discreet enough to approve what
OIL BLAS. 843
he praises, and to condemn, without mitigation or ap-
peal, whatever he is pleased to find fault with. By this
easy compliance, for poets are compelled to acquire a
knack of knocking under to those by whom they live,
not even excepting their booksellers, I have gained the
esteem and friendship of my patron. H&has employed
me to write a tragedy on a plot of his own. 1 have ex-
ecuted it under his inspection ; and, if the piece suc-
ceeds, a per centage on the laud and honour must ac-
crue to him."
I asked our poet what was the title of his tragedy.
He informed me that it was, " The Count of Saldagna,"
and that it would come out in two or three days. I told
him that I wished it all possible success, and thought so
favourably of his genius as to entertain considerable
hopes. " So do 1," said he : " but hope never tells a
more flattering tale than in the ear of a dramatic author.
You might as well attempt to fix the wind by nailing the
weathercock, as speculate on the reception of a new
piece with an audience."
At length, the day of performance arrived. I could
not go to the play, being prevented by official business.
The only thing to be done was to send Scipio, that he
might bring me back word how it went off, for I was
sincerely interested in the event. After waiting impa-
tiently for his return, in he came with a long face which
boded no good. " Well !" said I, " how was ( The Count
of Saldagna' welcomed by the critics 1" *' Very rough-
ly," answered he : " never was there a play more bru-
tally handled ; I left the house in high anger at the in-
justice and insolence of the pit." " It serves him right,"
rejoined I. " Nunez is no better than a madman, to be
always running his head against the stone walls of a
theatre. If he was in his senses, could he have prefer-
red the hisses and catcalls of an unfeeling mob, to the
ease and dignity he: n^ght have commanded under my
patronage ?" Thus djd I inveigh with friendly vehe-
mence against the poet of the Asturias, and disturb the
even tenour of my mind for an event which the sufferer
hailed with joy, and inserted among the well-omened
particulars of his journal.
He came to see me within two days, and appeared in
high spirits. " Santillane," said he, " I am come to re-
ceive your congratulations. My fortune is made, my
friend, though my play is marred. You know what a
P3
848 OIL BLAB.
for those parts of the world, he ships wine, oil, grain,
and other articles, the produce of his own estate ; and
his consignments are duty free. With that perquisite
in his pocket, he sells his merchandise for four times its
current price in Spain, and then lays out the money in
spices, colouring materials, and other things which cost
next to nothing in the New World, and are sold very dear
in Europe. Already has he realized some millions by
this traffic, without detracting from the duties of his
royal master.
" You will easily account for it," continued he, " that
the people concerned in carrying on this trade return
with great fortunes in their pockets ; for my lord thinks
it but reasonable that they should divide their diligence
between his business and their own."
That shrewd son of chance and opportunity, of whom
we are speaking, overheard our conversation, and could
not help interrupting Don Raymond to the following
{urport. " Upon my word, Signor Capons, I should
ike to be one of those people ; for I am fond of travel-
ling, and have long wished to see Mexico/ 1 " Your in*
clinations as a tourist shall soon be gratified,*' said the
steward, " if Signor de Santillane will not stand in the
way of your wishes. However particular I may think
it my duty to be about the persons whom I send to the
West Indies in that capacity, and they are all of my ap-
pointment, you shall be placed on the list at all adven-
tures, if your master wishes it." " You will confer on
me a particular favour," said I to Don Raymond ; " be
so good as to do it in kindness to me. Scipio is a
young fellow much in my good graces, very capable in
business, and will be found irreproachable in his con-
duct. In a word, I would as soon answer for him as for
myself."
" That beimj the case," replied Caporis, " he has only
to repair immediately to Seville : the ships are to sail
for South America in a month. I shall give him a let-
ter at his departure for a man who will put him in the
way of making a fortune, without the slightest interfe-
rence in his excellency's dues and profits, which ought
to be held sacred by him."
Scipio, delighted with his birth, was in haste to set
out for Seville, with a thousand crowns with which I
furnished him, to make purchases of wine and oil in
Andalusia, and enable him to trade on his own bottom
OIL BLAS. 349!
in the West Indies. And yet, overjoyed as he was to
make a voyage, and, as he hoped, his fortune there-
withal, he could not part from me without tears ; and
the separation raised the waters even front my dry
fountains.
CHAPTER XII.
DON ALPHON80 DE LEW A COMES TO MADRH); THE MOTIVE
OF HIS JOURNEY A SEVERE AFFLICTION TO OIL BLAS, AND
A CAUSE OF REJOICING SUBSEQUENT THEREON.
No sooner had I parted with Scipio, than one of the
minister's pages brought me a note, conceived in the fol-
lowing terms : " If Signer de Santillane will take the
trouble of calling at the sign of Saint Gabriel, in the
street of Toledo, he will there see a friend who is not
indifferent to him."
"Who can this nameless friend possibly be?" said I
to myself. " What can be the meaning of all this mys-
tery 1 Obviously to occasion me the pleasure of a sur-
prise." I attended the summons immediately, and, on
my arrival at the place appointed, was not a little as-
tonished to find Don Alphonso de Leyva there. " Is it
possible !" exclaimed I : " you here, my lord ?" " Yes,
my dear Gil Bias," answered he, with a close compres-
sion of my hand in his, " it is Don Alphonso himself."
" Well ! but what brings you to Madrid 1" said I. " You
will be not a little startled," rejoined he, " and no less
vexed, at the occasion of my journey. They have
taken my government of Valencia from me, and the
prime minister has sent for me to give an account of my
conduct." For a whole quarter of an hour I was like a
man stupified ; then, recovering the powers of speech,
* Of what," said I, * are you accused ?" " 1 know noth-
ing at all about it," answered he ; " but my disgrace is
probably owing to a visit paid about three weeks ago to
the Cardinal Duke of Lerma, who was banished about a
month since to his seat at Denia."
" Yes, indeed !" cried I, in a pet, " you may well at-
tribute your misfortune to that imprudent visit : there is
no occasion to look out for causes and effects else-
where; but give me leave to say that you have not
30
350 GIL BLA8.
acted with your usual good sense in claiming acquaint
ance with that favourite out of favour."" The leap is
taken, anj the neck is broken," said he, " and I have
nothing to do but to make the best of a bad bargain : I
shall retire with my family to our paternal estate at
Leyva, where the remnant of my days will glide away
in peace and obscurity. What taunts and teases me is
the requisition of appearing before a haughty minister,
who may receive me with all the insolence of office.
How humiliating to the pride of a Spaniard ! And yet
it is a measure of necessity ; but, before the degrading
ceremony took place, I wanted to talk it over with you."
" Sir," said I, " do not announce your arrival to the
minister till I have ascertained the nature of the reports
to your discredit ; for there are few evils without a rem-
edy. Whatever may be your alleged crimes, you will
give me leave, if you please, to act in the affair as grat-
itude and friendship shall dictate." With this assu-
rance, I left him at his inn, and promised to let him hear
from me soon.
As I had taken no active part in state affairs since the
two memorials in which my eloquence was so signally
displayed, I went to look for Carnero, with a view to
inquire whether Don Alphonso's government was really
taken from him. He answered in the affirmative, but
professed not to know the reason. Finding how things
stood, I determined to apply at headquarters, and to
learn the grounds of grievance from his lordship's own
mouth.
My spirits were really harassed ; so that there was
no need of putting on the trappings and the suits of wo
to attract my lord duke's notice. " What is the matter,
Santillane ?" said he, as soon as he saw me. " I per*
ceive a marked unhappiness on your countenance, and
tears just ready to trickle down your cheeks. Has any
one behaved ill to you 1 Tell me, and you shall have
your revenge." " My lord," answered I, in a melan-
choly tone, " even though my grief would seek to hide it-
self, it must have vent : my despair is past endurance.
The report goes that Don Alphonso is no longer gover-
nor of Valencia ; a severer stroke could not have been
inflicted on me."" What say you, Gil Bias ?" replied
the minister, in astonishment : " what interest can yon
take in this Don Alphonso and his government ?" On
this question I detailed at length my obligations to the
GIL BLAS. 351
lords of Leyva, and modestly stated my own interfe-
rence'with the Duke of Lerma to obtain the appoint*
ment for my friend.
When his excellency had heard me through with the
most polite and kind attention, he spoke thus: "Make
yourself easy, Gil Bias. Besides my entire ignorance
of what you have just told me, I must own that 1 consid-
ered Don Alphonso as the cardinal's creature. Only put
yourself in my place : was not the visit to his eminence
a most suspicious circumstance 1 Yet I am willing to
believe that, owing his preferment to that minister, he
might have remembered him in his adversity from a
motive of pure gratitude. 1 am sorry for having dis-
placed a man who owed his elevation to you ; bm% if I
nave pulled down your handiwork, I can build it up
again. I mean to do still more than the Duke of Lerma
for you. Your friend Don Alphonso was only governor
of Valencia ; I appoint him viceroy of Arragon ; you
may send him word so yourself, and order him hither to
take the oaths."
At these words, my feelings changed from extreme
grief to an excess of joy which completely caricatured
the mediocrity of common sense, and made me utter an
incoherent rhapsody of thanks : but the want of method
in the madness of my discourse was not taken amiss ;
and, on my hinting that Don Alphonso was already at
Madrid, he told me that I might present him this very
day. I ran to the sign of St. Gabriel, and communi-
cated my own raptures to Don Cesar's son, by inform-
ing him of his new appointment. He could not believe
what I told him ; but found it a hard matter to persuade
himself that the prime minister, though likely enough to
be very well disposed towards me, should extend his
friendship so far as to dispose of viceroyalties at my in-
stance. I carried him with me to my lord duke, who
received him very affably, complimented him on his uni-
form good conduct in his government of Valencia, and
finished by saying that the king, considering him as
qualified for a higher station, had named him for the vice-
royalty of Arragon. " Besides, 9 ' added he, " your fam-
ily is of a rank not to disparage the dignity of the office :
so that the Arragonese nobility will have no plea for ex-
cepting against the choice of the court."
His excellency made no mention of me, and the pub-
lic was kept in the dark as to my share in the business,}
852 GIL BLA.S.
a
indeed, this prudent silence was lucky both for Don Al-
phonso and the minister, since the tongues of defamers
would have been busy in taking to pieces the preten-
sions of a viceroy, who owed his preferment to my pat-
ronage.
As soon as Don Cesar's son could speak with certainty
of his new honours, he sent off an express for Valencia
with the information to his father and Serapbina/who
soon arrived in Madrid. Their first object was to find
me out, and ply me thick and threefold with acknowl-
edgments. What a proud and affecting sight for me, to
behold the three persons in the world nearest my heart,
vying with each other in their testimonies of affection
and gratitude ! The pleasure my zeal seemed person-
ally to give them, was equal to the dignity conferred on
their house by the post of viceroy. They even talked
with me on a footing of equality, and scarcely remem-
bered my original distance or servitude in the fervour of
their present feelings. But, not to dwell on unnecessary
topics, Don Alphonso, having taken the oaths and re-
turned thanks, left Madrid with his family, to take up
hjs abode at Saragossa. He made his public entry with
appropriate magnificence ; and the Arragonese caused it
to appear, by their cordial reception, that I had a very
pretty knack at picking out a viceroy.
CHAPTER XIII.
OIL BLAB MKET8 DON GASTON DB C0GOLLO8 AND DON ANDREW
DC TORDE8ILLA8 AT THE DRAWING-ROOM, AND ADJOURNS
WITH THEM TO A MORE CONVENIENT PLACE. THE STORY
OF DON GASTON AND DONNA HELENA DE GALISTEO CON-
CLUDED. SANTILLANE RENDERS SOME 8ERVICE TO TORDE-
SILLAS.
I was up to the hilts in joy at having so marvellously
metamorphosed an ex-governor into a viceroy : the lords
of Leyva themselves were not primed and loaded so
neat to bursting. But, very soon, I had another oppor-
tunity of employing my credit in the beaten track of
friendship, and there is the more occasion to quote
these instances, that my readers may clearly discern
OIL BLAS. 358
with how different a man they are now in company
from that graceless Gil Bias who, under the former
ministry, carried on a shameless traffic in the honours
and emoluments of the state.
One day I was waiting in the king's antechamber, in
conversation with some noblemen, who* knowing me to
stand well with the prime minister, were not ashamed
of taking me by the hand. In the crowd was Don Gas-
ton de Cogollos, whom 1 had left a prisoner of state in
the tower of Segovia. He was with Don Andrew de
Tordesillas, the warden. I readily quitted my company
to go and renew my acquaintance with my two friends.
If tbey were astonished at the sight of me, I was no
less so to find them here. After mutual greetings, Don
Gaston said, " Signor de Santillane, we have many in-
quiries to make of each other, and this place affords
little opportunity for private intercourse : allow me to
request your company where we may open our hearts
freely." I made no objection; we pushed our way
through the crowd, and left the palace. Don Gaston's
carriage was ready waiting in the street : we all three
got into it, and drove to the great market-place where the
bullfights are exhibited. There Cogollos lived, in a very
handsome house.
" Signor Gil Bias," said Don Andrew on our en-
trance, " at your departure from Segovia you seemed to
have conceived a thorough hatred against the court,
and to have formed a settled purpose of abandoning it
for ever." " Such, in fact, was my design," answered I,
" nor were my sentiments at all changed during the life-
time of the late king ; but when the prince his son came
to the throne, I had a mind to see whether the new mon-
arch would know me again. He did so, and received
me favourably, with a strong recommendation to the
prime minister, who admitted me to his friendship, and
took me more into his confidence than ever did the Duke
of Lerma. This, Signor Don Andrew, is my story.
And now tell me whether you still hold your office m
the tower of Segovia." " No, indeed !" answered he ;
44 my lord duke has removed me, and put another in my
room. He probably considered me as entirely devoted
to his predecessor." " And I," said Don Gaston, " was
set at liberty for the contrary reason ; the prime minis-
ter was no sooner informed that my imprisonment was
by the Duke of Lerma's order, than he ordered me to be
30 #
354 GIL BULB.
released. The present business, Signor Oil Bias, is to
relate the subsequent particulars of my adventures.
44 The first thing 1 did," continued he, " after thank-
ing Don Andrew for his kind attentions during my con-
finement, was to repair to Madrid. I presented myself
before the Count Duke of Olivarez, who said, * You
need not be apprehensive of any blemish on your char-
acter in consequence of your late misfortune ; you are
honourably acquitted : nay, your innocence is so much
the more satisfactorily established as the Marquis of
Villareal, with whom you were supposed to be implica-
ted, was not guilty. Though a Portuguese, and related
to the Duke of Braganza, he is less in his interests
than in those of the king my master. That connexion,
therefore, ought not to have been imputed to you as a
crime ; but, to repair your wrongs, the king has given
?ou a lieutenant's commission in the Spanish guards/
*hi8 I accepted, begging it as a favour of his excellency
to allow me, before i joined my regiment, to go and see
my aunt, Donna Eleonora de Laxarilla, at Coria. The
minister gave me leave of absence for a month, and I
departed with only one servant.
" We had got beyond Colmenar, and were thridding a
narrow pass between two mountains) when we came
within sight of a gentleman defending himself bravely
against three men, who all fell upon him together. I
did not hesitate about going to his aid ; but hastened
forward and planted myself by his side. I remarked,
while we were fighting, that our enemies were masked,
and that we had to do with expert swordsmen. But we
triumphed over the united advantages of their skill and
disparity : I ran one of the three through the body ; he
fell from his horse, and the two others immediately be-
took themselves to flight. The victory, indeed, was
scarcely less fatal to us than to the wretch whom I had
killed : for we were both dangerously wounded. But
conceive my surprise, when I discovered the gentleman
to be Combados, the husband of Donna Helena. He was
no less astonished at recognising me as his defender.
'Ah! Don Gaston,' exclaimed he, *was it you, then,
who came to my assistance ! When you took my part
so generously, you little thought it was the person who
had snatched your mistress from you.* ' I really did not
know it,' answered I : * but though I had, do you think
I could have wavered about doing as I have done 1 Can
OIL BULft. 35S
ynm entertain so ill an opinion of me as to believe my
soul so sordid 1* No, no,' replied he ; * I think better
of you : and, should I die of my wounds, it will be my
prayer that yours may not disable you from profiting by
my death.' Combados,' said 1, * though I have not yet
forgotten Donna Helena, know that I do not pant after
the possession of her charms at the expense of your
life ; so far from it, that I congratulate myself on having
contributed to your rescue from assassination, since, by
so doing, I have performed an acceptable service to your
wife.'
" While we were communing together, my servant dis-
mounted ; and, drawing near to the gentleman stretched
nt his length, took off his mask, when Combados, with
sensations of gratitude for his deliverance, distinctly
traced the features. 'It is Caprara,' exclaimed he,
* that treacherous cousin who, in mere disgust at hav-
ing missed a rich inheritance, which he had unjustly
disputed with me, has long since cherished a murderous
design against my life, and fixed on this day to put it in
execution : but Heaven has turned him over to its de-
termined vengeance, and made him the victim of his
own attempt.*
" While this conversation was going on, our blood was
flowing at the same rate; and we were becoming more
exhausted every minute. Nevertheless, disabled as we
were, we had strength enough to reach the town of Vil-
larejo, which lies within a gunshot or two from the
field of battle. At the very first house of call we sent
for surgeons. The most expert came at our summons.
He examined our wounds, and reported them as danger-
ous. After taking off the bandages, and dressing them
a second time, he pronounced those of Don Bias to be
mortal. Of mine he thought more favourably ; and the
event corresponded with his prognostic.
" Combados, finding himself consigned to the grave,
thought only of due preparation for a most serious event.
He sent an express to his wife, with an account of what
had happened, particularizing his present sad condition*
Donna Helena soon arrived at Villarejo. Her mind .was
drawn different ways by two opposite occasions of dis-
tress ; the hazard of her husband's life, and the fear of
feeling the revival of a half-extinguished flame at the
sight of me. This occasioned her to experience a ter-
rible agitation. 'Madam,' said Don Bias, when she
356 GIL BLAJJ,
appeared in his presence, ' you are come just in time
to receive my farewell. 1 am at the point of death, and
I consider my fate as a punishment from Heaven for
having taken yon from Don Gaston by a feint : far from
murmuring at it, 1 exhort you, with my last breath, to
restore to him a heart which I bad stolen from him,'
Donna Helena answered him only by her tears: and
indeed it was the best answer she could make ; for she
had neither forgotten her first love, nor the artifices
whereby she had been influenced to renounce her plight-
ed faith.
" It happened, as the surgeon had anticipated, that in
less than three days Combados died of his wounds, while
mine, on the contrary, wore the appearance of convales-
cence. The young widow, whom no earthly considera-
tion could detach from the care of transporting her late
husband's remains to Coria, that they might be deposited
with due honours in the family vault, left Villarcjo on
her return, after inquiring, merely as a matter of course,
how I was going oil As soon as I was well enough to
be removed, I bent my course to Coria, where my re-
covery was soon ascertained. My aunt, Donna Eleo-
nora, and Don George de Galisteo, were determined that
my marriage with Helena should take place forthwith,
lest some new caprice of fortune should part us once
more. The ceremony was privately performed, on ac-
count of the late melancholy event ; and within a few
days I returned to Madrid with Donna Helena. As my
leave of absence had expired, I was afraid lest the min-
ister should have superseded me in my lieutenancy ; but
he had not filled up the vacancy, and received my apol-
ogies very graciously.
"Thus am I, 91 continued Cogollos, "lieutenant of the
Spanish guards, and my situation is exactly to my mind.
The circle of my friends is respectable and pleasant, and
I live at my ease among them." " Would I could say
as much!" exclaimed Don Andrew: "but I am very
far from being satisfied with my lot ; I have lost my
appointment, which was not without its advantages,
and have no friends of sufficient interest to procure me
a better birth." "Excuse me, Signor Don Andrew,"
cried I, with a sort of upbraiding smile, " you have a
friend in me who may chance to be better than no
friend at all. I have told you already that I am a greater
favourite with my lord duke than with the Duke of Lex-
GIL BLAB. 357
na; and will you tell me to my face that you have no
interest at court! Have you not already experienced
the contrary I Recollect that, through the Archbishop
of Grenada's powerful recommendation, I procured you
a nomination for Mexico, where you would have made
your fortune, if love had not stepped in and marred it at
Alicant. My means are now more extensive, since I
have the ear of the prime minister." " I give myself
tip to you, then," replied Tordesillas ; " but do not send
me into New Spain, though the first appointment in the
colonies were at your disposal."
Here we were interrupted by Donna Helena, who
came into the room, and improved even upon the vis-
ions of my fancy by the reality of her charms. Cogol-
los introduced me as the companion who had solaced
the tedious hours of his imprisonment. " Yes, madam,"
said I to Donna Helena, " my conversation did indeed
sooth his sorrows, for it turned on you." The compli-
ment was not thrown away, and I took my leave with
repeated congratulations. With respect to Tordesillas,
I assured him that within a week, he should know how
far my power, as well as will, extended.
Nor were these mere words. On the very next day
the opportunity occurred. " SanttUane," said his excel-
lency, " the place of governor in the royal prison of
Vaiiadolid is vacant: it is worth more than three hun-
dred pistoles a year, and is yours if you will accept of
it." " Not if it were worth ten thousand ducats," an-
swered I, " for it would carry me away from your lord-
ship." " But," replied the minister, " you may fill it by
deputy, and only visit occasionally." " That is as it
may be," rejoined I ; " but I shall only accept it on con-
dition of resigning in favour of Don Andrew de Tordesil-
las, a brave and loyal gentleman ; I should like to give
him this place, in acknowledgment of his kindness to
me in the tower of Segovia."
This plea made the minister laugh heartily, and say,
** As far as I see, Gil Bias, you mean to make yourself
a general patron. Even so be it, my friend ; the va-
cancy is yours for Tordesillas ; but tell me unfeignedly
what fellow-feeling you have in the business : for you
are not such a fool as to throw away your interest for
nothing." " My lord," answered I, " Don Andrew char-
ged me nothing for all his acts of friendship, and should
sol a man repay his obligations !" " You are become
358 OIL BLA*.
highly moral and self-mortified," replied his excellency;
M rather more so than under the last administration."
" Precisely so," rejoined I ; " then evil communication
corrupted my principles : bargain and sale were the or-
der of the day, and I conformed to the established prac-
tice : now, all preferment is allotted on the footing of a
meritorious free gift, and my integrity shall not be the
last to fall in with the fashion."
CHAPTER Xir.
SANTILLANe's VISIT TO THE POET NUNEZ : THE COMPANY
AND CONVERSATION.
One day, after dinner, a fancy seized me to go and
see the poet of the Asturias, feeling a sort of curiosity
to know on what floor he lodged. I repaired to the
house of Signor Don Bertrand Gomes del Ribero, and
asked for Nunez. " He does not live here now," said
the porter, "but over the way, in apartments at the
back of the house." I went thither, and crossing a- small
court, entered an unfurnished parlour, where my friend
Fabricio was sitting at table, doing the honours to fiwe
or six guests from the hamlet and liberty of Parnassus*
They were at the latter end of a feast, and of course
at the beginning of an afray; but, as soon as they per-
ceived me, a dead silence succeeded to their obstreper-
ous argumentation. Nunez rose from his seat with
much pomp and circumstance of politeness to receive
me, saying, " Gentlemen, Signor de Santillanet He
does me the honour to visit me under this humble roof:
as the favourite of the prime minister, you will all join
with me in tendering your humble services." At this in-
troduction, the worshipful company got up and made
their nest bows ; for my rank could not fail of procu-
ring me respect from the manufacturers of dedications.
Though I was neither hungry nor thirsty, it was impos-
sible not to sit down and drink a toast in such society.
My presence appearing to be a restraint, " Gentle-
men," said I, "it should seem that I have interrupted
your conversation : resume it, or vou drive me away."
" My learned friends," said Fabricio, " were discussing
the ' Iphigenia' of Euripides." The bachelor, Melchior
de Yillggas, a cleyer man, of the first rank, in the renub*
GIL BLAB. 359
Be of letters, resumed the topic by asking Don Jacinto
de ftotnerate which was the point of interest in that
tragedy ? Don Jacinto ascribed it to the imminent dan*
ger of Iphigenia. The bachelor contended, offering to
prove his proposition by all the evidence admissible at
the bar of logic or criticism, that the danger of a trum-
pery girl had nothing to do with the real sympathy of
that affecting piece. " What has to do with it, then V*
bawled the old licentiate, Gabriel of Leon, indignantly k
M It turns with the wind," 'replied the bachelor.
The whole company burst into a shout of laughter at
this assertion, which they were far from considering as
serious ; and I myself thought that Melchior had only
launched it by way of adding the zest of wit to the se-
verity of critical discussion. But I was out in my cal-
culation respecting the character of that eminent
scholar : he had not a grain of sprightliness or pleas*
antry in his whole composition. "Laugh as you
please, gentlemen," replied he, very coolly ; " I main*
tain that there is no circumstance but the wind, unless
it be the weathercock, to interest, to strike, to rouse the
passions of the spectator. Figure to yourselves a nuilti*
tudinous army, assembled for the purpose of laying
siege to Troy ; take into the account the eager haste of
the officers and common men to carry their enterprise
into execution, that they may return with their best legs
foremost into Greece, where they have left every thing
most dear to them, their household gods, their wives,
and their children i all this while a mischievous wind '
from the wrong quarter keeps them port-bound at Aulis,
and, as it were, drives a nail into the very head of the
expedition ; so that, till better weather, it was impossi-
ble to go and lay siege to Priam's town. Wind and
weather, therefore, make up the interest of this tragedy.
My good wishes are with the Greeks ; my whole (acui-
ties are wrapped up in the success of their design ; the
sailing of their fleet is with me the only hinge of the
fable, and I look at the danger of Iphigenia with some-
what of a self-interested complacency, because, by her
death, the winding up of the story into a brisk and
favourable gale was likely to be accelerated."
As soon as Villegas had finished his criticism, the
laugh burst out more than ever at his expense. Nunez
was sly enough to side with him, that a fairer scope
and broader mark might be presented to the shafts of
368 GIL BLA**
malicious wit, which were let fly from all the quarter*
in the shipmates card, at this poster of the sea and land.
But the bachelor, eying them all with sublime indiffer-
ence and supreme contempt, gave them to understand
how low in the list of the ignorant and vulgar they
ranked in his estimation. Every moment did I expect
to see these vapouring spirits kindle into a blaze, and
wage war against the hairy honours of each other's
brainless sculls : but the joke was not carried to that
length; they confined their hostilities to opprobrious
epithets, and took their leave when they had eaten and
drunk as much as they could get.
After their departure, I asked Fabricio why he had
separated himself from his treasurer, and whether they
had quarrelled ? " Quarrelled I" answered he ; " Heav-
en defend me from such a misfortune ! I am on better
terms than ever with Signot Don Bertrand, who gave
his consent to my living apart from him : here, there-
fore, I receive my friends, and take my pleasure with
them unmolested. You know very well that I am not
of a temper to lay up treasures for those who are to
come after me ; and, as it happens luckily, I am now in
circumstances to give my little classical entertainments
every day." " I am delighted at it, my dear Nunez,"
replied I, "and once more wish you joy on the success
of your last tragedy : the great Lope, by his eight hun-
dred dramatic pieces, never made a quarter of the
money which you have got by the damnation of your
4 Count de Saldagna.'*
BOOK VI.
CHAPTER I.
OIL BLAS SEHT TO TOLEDO BT TBI MINISTER. THE PURPOSE
OP HIS JOURNEY, AND ITS SUCCESS.
For nearly a month his excellency had been saying to
me every day, "Santillane, the time is approaching
when I shall call your choicest powers of address into
action ;" but the time that was coming never came. It
OIL BLA0. 361
is a long lane, however, where there is no turning ; and
his excellency at length spoke to me nearly as follows :
" They say that there is, in the company of comedians
at Toledo, a young actress of much note for her per*
sonal and professional fascinations ; it is affirmed that
she dances and sings like all the muses and graces put
together, and that the whole theatre rings with applause
at her performance : to these perfections is added match-
less and irresistible beauty* Such a star should only
shine within the circle of a court. The king has a taste
for the stage, for music, and for dancing: nor must he
be debarred from the pleasure of seeing and hearing
such a prodigy. I have determined on sending you to
Toledo, that you may judge for yourself whether she
really is so extraordinary an actress : on your feeling
of her merit my measures shall be taken, for I have
unlimited confidence in your discernment."
I undertook to bring his lordship a good account of
this business, and made my arrangements for setting
out with one servant, but not in the minister's livery,
by way of conducting matters more warily; and that
precaution relished well with his excellency. On my
arrival at Toledo, I had scarcely alighted at the inn,
when the landlord, taking me for some country gentle-
man, said, "Please your honour, you are probably
come to be present at ' the august ceremony of an Auto
da Fe to-morrow.' 1 I answered in the affirmative, the
more completely to mislead him, and keep my own
counsel. '* You will see," replied he, " one of the pret-
tiest processions you ever saw in your life : there are
said to be more than a hundred prisoners, and ten of
them are to be roasted."
In good truth, next morning before sunrise I heard all
the bells in the town peal merrily : and the design of
their bob-majors was to acquaint the people that the
pastime was about to begin. Curious to see what sort
of a recreation it was, I dressed in a hurry and posted
to the scene of action. All about that quarter, and along
the streets where the procession was to pass, were scaf-
folds, on one of which I purchased a standing. The
Dominicans walked first, preceded by the banner of the
Inquisition. These Christian fathers were immediately
followed by the hapless victims of the holy office, select-
ed for this day '8 burnt-offering. These devoted wretches
walked one by one, with their head and feet bare, each
Vol. II. Q 31
862 GIL BLAS.
of them with a taper in his hand, and a fiery, not baptis-
mal, godfaher by this side. Some had large yellow scapu-
laries, worked with crosses of St. Andrew in red ; others
wore sugarloaf caps of paper, illustrated with fames, and
diabolical figures of all sorts, by way of emblem.
As I looked narrowly at these objects of religious
gaze, with a compassion in my heart which might have
been construed criminal, had it run over from my eyes,
I fancied that the reverend Father Hilary, and his com-
panion Brother Ambrose, were among those who figured
in the sugarloaf caps. They passed too near for me to
be deceived. " What do I see ?" thought I, inwardly :
" Heaven, tired out with the wicked lives of these two
scoundrels, has given them up to the justice of the In-
quisition !" My whole frame trembled at the thought,
and my spirits were scarcely able to support me from
fainting. My connexion with these knaves, the adven-
ture at Xelva, all our pranks in partnership, rushed upon
my memory, and I did not know how sufficiently to thank
God for having preserved me from St. Andrew's crosses
and the painted devils on the paper caps.
When the ceremony was over, I returned to the inn,
with my heart sickemng at the dreadful sight ; but pain-
ful impressions soon wear away, and I thought only of
my commission and its due accomplishment. I waited
with impatience for play-time, as the moment and scene
of my commencing operations. On the opening of the
doors, I repaired to the theatre, and took my seat next
to a knight of Alcantara. We soon got into chat.
" Sir," said I, " the players here have been represented
to me in very favourable terms : may I give credit to
general report 1" " The company is not contemptible,"
replied the knight : " they have some firstrate perform-
ers ; among the rest, the peerless Lucre}ia, an actress
of fourteen, who will astonish you : and she plays one
of her best parts to-night."
On the drawing up of the curtain, two actresses came
on, with every advantage of dress and stage effect ; but
neither of them could possibly be the object of my
search. At length Lucretia made her appearance at the
back scene, and walked forward amid a thunder of ap-
plause. " Ah ! this is she indeed !" thought I : " and a
delicate specimen of loveliness, as I am a sinner !" In
her very first speech she proved herself a child of na-
ture, with energy and conception far above her years ;
GIL BLAS. 363
and the approbation of a provincial audience was con-
finned by my metropolitan judgment. The knight was
happy to find I liked her; and assured me that if I had
heard her sing, my ears might have rejoiced to the sor-
row of my heart. Her dancing, too, he represented as
not less formidable to the free-will of lordly man. I
inquired what youth, blessed as the immortal gods, had
the exquisite happiness of bringing himself to beggary
for so sweet a girl. " She is under no avowed protec-
tion," said he ; " and scandal has not coupled her name
with private license ; but Lucretia must take care of
herself; for she is under the wing of her aunt Estella;
and there is not an actress in the company so warmly
fledged for hatching the tender passions into life."
At the name of Estella, I inquired with some eager-
ness who she was. " One of our performers," said my
informant. " She does not play to-night, to our great
loss ; for her cast is thaW of abigails, and she humours
them to perfection. A little too broad, perhaps! but
that is a fault on the right side." From the features of
the description, there could be no doubt but that this
must be Laura ; that lady so notorious in these memoirs,
whom I left at Grenada.
To make assurance double sure, I went behind the
scenes after the play. There she was, in the green-
room, flirting with some men of fashion, who probably
endured the aunt for the sake of the niece. I came up to
pay my devotions ; but whim, or perhaps revenge for
my cutting and running from Grenada, determined her
to put on the stranger, and receive my compliments
with so discouraging a coldness, as to throw me into
some little confusion. Instead of laughing it off, I was
fool enough to be angry ; and withdrew in a choleric
determination to return next day. " Laura shall smart
for this !" said 1 : " her niece shall not appear at court:
I will tell the minister that she dances like a she-bear,
has formed her bravura between the scream of a pea-hen
and the cackle of a goose, acts like a puppet, and com-
prehends like an idiot."
Such was my scheme of revenge ; but it proved abor-
tive. Just as I was going out of town, a footboy brought
me the following note : " Forget and forgive, and follow
the bearer." I obeyed, and found Laura at her dressing-
table, in very elegant apartments* near the theatre.
She rose to welcome me, saying, " Signor Gil Bias,
Q8
364 OIL BLAS.
you have every reason to be offended at your reception
behind the scenes, which was out of character between
such old friends ; but 1 really was most abominably dis-
concerted. Just as you came up, one of our gentlemen
had brought me some scandalous stories about my niece,
whose honour has always been dearer to me than my
own. On coming to myself, I immediately sent my
servant to find you out, with the intention of making
you amends to-day." " You have done so already, my
dear Laura,'* said 1 : let us therefore talk over old times.
You may remember that I left you in a very ticklish pre-
dicament, when conscience and the fear of punishment
drove me so precipitately from Grenada. How did you
get off with your Portuguese lover V * Easily enough,"
answered Laura : " do not you know that in those cases
men are mere fools, and acquit us women without even
calling for our defence I
" 1 faced the Marquis of Majialva out that you were
my very brother, and drew upon my impudence for the
support of my credit. ' Do you not see,' said I to my
Portuguese dupe, ' that this is alf the contrivance of jeal-
ousy and rage 1 My rival Narcissa* infuriated at my
possession of a heart which she had vainly attempted
to gain, has bribed the candle-snuffer to assert that he
has seen me as Arsenia's waiting- woman at Madrid. It
is an abominable falsehood : the widow of Don Antonio
Coello has always been too high in her notions to be
the hanger-on of a theatrical mistress. Besides, what
completely disproves the whole allegation is, my broth-
er's precipitate retreat ; if he were here, it would be a
subject of evidence; but Narcissa must have devised
some stratagem to get him out of the way.'
" These reasons," continued Laura, " were not the
most convincing in the world, but they did very well for
the marquis : and that good easy nobleman continued
his confidence till his return to Portugal. This happen-,
ed soon after your departure ; and Zapata's wife had the
pleasure of seeing me lose what she could not win.
After this, I stayed some years longer at Grenada, till
the company was broken up in consequence of some
squabbles, which will take place in mimic as well as in
real life ; some went to Seville, others to Cordova ; and
I came, to Toledo, where I have been for these ten years
with my niece Lucretia, whose performance you must
have seen last night."
t
V
* OIL BLAS. 365
This was too much to be taken gravely. Laura in-
2uired why I laughed. " Can that be a question ?" said
. " You have neither brother nor sister, one or other
of which is a necessary ingredient in an aunt. Besides,
when I calculate in my mind the lapse of time since
our last separation, and compare that period with the
age of your niece, it is more than possible that your re-
lationship may be in a nearer degree of kin."
" I understand you," replied Don Antonio's widow,
with something like a moral tinge of red in her cheek ;
" you are an accurate chronologist ! There is no gamb-
ling facts in defiance of your memory. Well, then ! Lu-
cretia is my daughter by the Marquis of Marialva : it
was extremely wrong, but I cannot conceal it from
you." "The confession must indeed be a shock to
your modesty, 9 ' said I, " after telling me yourself what
pranks yen played with the hospital steward at Zamora.
I must tell you, moreover, that Lupretia is an article of
so superior a quality, as m render you a public benefac-
tor by having thrown her into the market. It were to
be wished that the stolen embraces of all your frater-
nity might be blessed with fruitfulness, if they could se-
cure to themselvefc a patent for breeding after your
sample."
Should any sarcastic reader, comparing this passage
with some circumstance related while 1 was the mar-
quis's secretary, suspect me of being .entitled to dis-
pute the honour of paternity with that nobleman, I
blush to say, that my claims are entirely out of the
question.
I laid open my principal adventures to Laura in my
turn, as well as the present state of my affairs. She
listened with interest, and said, " Friend Santillane,
you seem to play a principal part on the stage of the
world, and I congratulate you most heartily. Should
Lucretia be engaged at Madrid, I flatter myself she will
find a powerful protector in Signor Santillane." " Doubt
it not," answered I : " your daughter may have her en-
gagement whenever you please : I can promise you
that, without presuming too much on my interest." " I
take you at your word," replied Laura, " and would set
out to-morrow, were I not under articles to this compa-
ny." " An order from court will cut the knot of any
articles," rejoined I : " and that I take upon myself ;
you shall have it within a week. It is an act of chiv-
31*
866 GIL BLAS.
airy to rescue Lucrttia from Toledo ; such a pretty lit*
tie actress belongs to the royal court, as parcel of the
manor."
Lucretia came into the room just as I was talking of
her. The goddess Hebe herself never looked better in
her best days : it was nature in the bud, exhaling the
sweets of her earliest bloom, but promising a more lux*
uriant waste of treasure. She was just up, and her nat-
ural beauty, without the aid of art, communicated the
most rapturous sensations. " Come, niece,' 1 said her
mother, " thank the gentleman for all his kindness to
us : he is an old friend of mine, who ranks high at court,
and undertakes to get us both an engagement at jhe the-
atre royal" The little girl seemed to be much pleased,
and made me a low courtesy, saying, with an enchanting
smile, " I most humbly thank you for your obliging in-
tention ; but, by taking me from a partial audience, are
you certain that I shall not be looked down upon by
that of Madrid t I may but los% by the exchange. I re-
member hearing my aunt say, that she has seen players
most favourably received in one town, and hissed off
the stage in another : this absolutely frightens me ; be-
ware, therefore, of exposing me to the derision of the
court, and yourself to its reproaches." "Lovely Lu-
cretia, 9 ' answered I, "we have neither of us any thing
to fear ; I am rather apprehensive, lest, by the havoc you
will make among hearts, you should excite rivalships
and kindle discord among the courtiers." u My niece's
fears," said Laura, " are better founded than yours ; but
I hope they will both prove vain : however feeble may
be Lucretia's charms of person, her talents as an actress
are at least above mediocrity."
We continued the conversation for some time, and I
could gather, from Lucretia's share in it, that she was
a girl of superior talents. On taking leave, I assured
them that they should immediately receive a summons
to Madrid.
GIL BLA8. 36T
CHAPTER II.
ANTILLANB MAKES HIS REPORT TO THE MINISTER, WHO COM-
MISSIONS HIM TO SEND FOR LUCRETIA. THE FIRST APPEAR-
ANCE OF THAT ACTRE88 BEFORE THE COURT.
On my return, I found my lord duke impatient to be
informed of my success. " Have you seen her ?" said
lie : " is she worth transplanting V " My lord," an*
swered I " fame, which generally runs beyond all dis-
cretion in its report of beauty, has erred on the side of
parsimony in its estimate of the matchless young Lu*
cretia ; she is all that youthful poets fancy when they
feign for personal attractions, and all that veteran man*
agers seek when they sign articles, in scenic qualifica-
tions."
" Is it possible V exclaimed the minister, with a satis-
faction which involuntarily peeped out at his eyes,
and made me think he had some selfish hankerings af-
ter the article of my marketing at Toledo ; " Is it pos-
sible! and is she really so charming a creature 1"
u When you see her," replied I, ' you will own that any
verbal picture of her perfections must be altogether in-
adequate to their due description."
His excellency then requiring a minute account of my
journey, I gave him all the particulars, not excepting
Laura's story, and Lucretia's parentage. His lordship
was delighted at the latter circumstance, and enjoined
me, with a cordial compliment on my skill in such deli-
cate negotiations, to finish as auspiciously as I had be-
gun my undertaking.
I went to look for Carnero, and told him that it was
his excellency's pleasure he should make out an order
for the admission of Estella and Lucretia, actresses
from the Toledo theatre, into his majesty's company.
" Say you so, Signor de Santillane ?" answered Carne-
ro, with a sarcastic leer ; " you shall not be kept long in
suspense, since you take so marked an interest in the
fortunes of these two ladies." He expedited the order
in my presence, and within a week the mother and
daughter sent me notice of their arrival. I immediately
hastened to their lodging near the theatre, and, alter an
868 OIL BLAS.
interchange of thanks on their part, and assurances of
continued support on mine, left them, with my best wish-
es for a brilliant career of success.
Their names were announced in the bills as two new
actresses, engaged by the special mandate of the court.
They made their first appearance in a play which they
had been accustomed to perform in at Toledo, with loud
and unanimous applause.
Novelty is the very life and soul of theatrical enter-
tainments. The house was uncommonly crowded, and
I, of course, was among the audience. I was rather
frightened before the curtain drew up. Prejudiced as I
was in favour of the candidates, my alarm was in pro-
portion to my interest. But when once they were fair-
ly on the boards, the din of welcome quieted all my ap-
prehensions. Estella was considered as a firstrate ac-
tress in comic parts, and Lucretia as a female Roscius
in heroines and love- sick damsels. But the love which
she feigned herself, she really kindled in the hearts of
the spectators. Some admired the beauty of her eyes,
others were touched with the plaintive sweetness of her
voice, and all, bowing to the triumph of youth, viva-
city, and elegance, went away in raptures with her per-
son.
My lord duke, who took an uncommon interest in this
theatrical event, was at the play that evening. I saw
him leave his box at the end of the piece, with evident
approbation of our new performers. Curious to know
whether they equalled his expectations, I followed him
home and into his closet, saying, " Well, my lord, is
your excellency well pleased with little Manalva ?"
" My excellency," answered he, with a sly smile, " must
be very difficult to be pleased, not to confirm the public
voice: yes, indeed, my good friend, I am enraptured
with your Lucretia, and firmly believe that the king will
not see her without emotion."
oil bus. 369
CHAPTER III.
lucretia's popularity, her appearance before the kino,
his pa88ion, and its consequences, ^
Great was the noise about the court on this double
acquisition to the theatre ; it became the topic of con-
versation next day at the king's levee. The young Lu-
cretia was most in the mouths of the nobility, who de-
scribed her so feelingly, that his majesty could not but
imbibe the impression, though he was too politic to ex-
press his interest either in words or by looks.
To make amends for that restraint, he questioned the
minister as soon as he was alone with him, who stated
the success of a young actress from Toledo on the even-
ing before. " Her name," he added, " is Lucretia ; and
it is really a pity that ladies of her profession should
ever have been christened by any less chaste appella-
tive. She is an acquaintance of Santillane, who spoke
so highly of her, that I thought it right to engage her
for your majesty's company." The king smiled at the
mention of my name, recollecting, perhaps, through
what channel he became acquainted with Catalina, and
foreboding a like assistance on the present occasion.
" Count," said he to the minister, " I mean to see this
Lucretia act to-morrow, and will thank you to let her
know it."
I was of course sent with this intelligence to the two
actresses. " Great news !" said I to Laura, whom I saw
first ; " you will have the sovereign of the Spanish mon-
archy among your audience to-morrow, as the minister
has desired me to inform you. 1 cannot doubt but you
will both of you do your best to prove yourselves wor-
thy of a royal command: but I would advise you to
choose a piece with music and dancing, that all Lucre-
tia's accomplishments may be displayed at one view."
" We will take your counsel," answered Laura, " and
it shall not be our faults if his majesty is disappoint-
ed." " That can scarcely happen," said I, seeing Lu-
cretia come into the room in an undress, which showed
her person to more advantage than all the wardrobe of
the theatre ; " he will be the more delighted with your
Q 3
870 GIL BLAS.
lovely niece, because dancing and music are his princi-
pal pleasures : he may even be tempted to throw her
the handkerchief." " I do not at all wish," replied Lau-
ra, " that he should be that way inclined : all-powerful
monarch as he is, he might not find the accomplishment
of his desires so easy. Lucretia, though brought up be-
hind the scenes, is not without virtuous principles;
whatever pleasure she may take in applause and pro-
fessional reputation, she had much rather preserve the
character of a good girl than establish that of a great
actress."
" Aunt," said little Marialva, joining in the conversa-
tion, " why conjure up monsters only to lay them again f
I shall never be at a loss to repel the king's advances,
because his taste is too refined to stoop so low."
" But, charming Lucretia," said I, " if such a thing should
happen, would you be cruel enough to let him languish
like a common lover V "Why not!" answered she.
" Setting virtue aside, my vanity would be more flatter-
ed by my own resistance than by the tribute of his affec-
tion." I was not a little surprised to hear a pupil of
Laura's school talk so properly, and to find that, with so
free an education, she imbibed such unusual principles
of morality.
The king, impatient to see Lucretia, went to the play
next evening. The piece was got up with music and
dancing, to show our young actress off to the best ad-
vantage. My eyes were fixed on his majesty ; but he
completely eluded my penetration by an obstinate grav-
ity. On the following day the minister said, " Santil-
lane, I have just been with the king, who has been talk-
ing about Lucretia with so much animation, that I
doubt not but he is smitten : and, as I told him that you
had sent for her from Toledo, he expressed a wish to
confer with you in private on the subject : orders are
given for your admittance ; run, and bring me back an
account of what passes."
I flew to the palace, and found the king alone. He
was walking up and down, in much apparent perplexity.
He put several questions to me about Lucretia, made
me relate her history, and then asked whether the
little jade had not been tampering with chastity already.
I boldly assured him the contrary, though such pledges
were somewhat hazardous in general; but mine was
taken, and gave the prince much pleasure, "If so/'
GIL BLAB. 871
replied he, "I select you for my agent with Lucretia;
let her become acquainted with her triumph from your
lips." He then put a box of jewels into my hand, worth
fifty thousand crowns, with a message begging her ac-
ceptance of them, promising more substantial proofs of
his affection.
Before I went on this errand, 1 reported progress to
my lord duke. That minister, 1 thought, would be more
vexed than rejoiced at it, supposing that he had his own
views of gallantry towards Lucretia, and would learn
-with regret the rivalship of his master; but I was mis-
taken. Far from appearing chagrined, his joy was so
excessive, that it would ooze out at his tongue, in words
which were not quite lost on the hearer. "Indeed,
friend Philip ! then I have you in my clutches : while
your pleasures lead you, your business must be left to
me!" This side speech explained to me the plot; an
amorous prince, and along-headed minister! My orders
were to execute my commission as speedily as possible,
with the assurance that the first lord in the land would
be proud to stand in my shoes. Besides, there was no
pimp of rank, as in the former case, to seize the profit
and leave the infamy with me : the honour and emolu-
ment were now exclusively my own.
Thus did his excellency relish the ingredients of pan-
darism to my palate ; and I tasted them with the greedi-
ness, but not without the qualms, of an epicure ! for since
my imprisonment 1 had become regenerate, and did not
gride m dirty Work, because my employer washed his
ands in perfumed water. But though conscience was
awake, interest was not asleep. I was no longer a vil-
lain for the fun of it ; but my compliance would confirm
my footing with the minister, and him it was my duty
at all events to please.
My first appeal was to Laura in private. I opened
the negotiation delicately, and presented my credentials
in the form of a jewel-box. The lady was thrown off
her guard by the display. " Signor Gil Bias," cried she,
" you are one of my oldest friends, and 1 must not play
the hypocrite : strait-laced morals are inconsistent with
the discipline of my sect. Nothing can be more delight-
ful to me than a conquest which throws such a game
into our hands. But, between ourselves, I am afraid Lu-
cretia is not so enlightened as we are : though a daugh-
ter of Thalia, she has taken the better-behaved god-
872 CIL BLA8.
dosses for her school-mistresses, and given a rebuff to
two young noblemen of amiable manners and large for-
tunes. They were not kings, you will say : and truly
we may hope that Lucretia's virtue will be too undisci-
plined to stand a royal siege : but, you must remember,
the event is hazardous, and I shall not interpose my
authority to compel her. If, far from thinking herself
honoured by the fleeting passion of the king, she should
revolt from his advances with disdain, let not our illus-
trious sovereign be offended at her reserve. But do you
come back hither to-morrow, and carry back either the
jewels or a return of affection."
I had no doubt but Laura would tutor Lucretia in the
school of time-serving morality, and depended much on
her instruction. It was therefore no small surprise to
find, that Laura worked as much against wind and tide
to launch her daughter into the tradewind of evil, as
other maternal pilots to set the sails of theirs in the con-
trary monsoon of good ; and, what is still more unac-
countable, Lucretia, alter tasting of royal delights, was
*so completely surfeited with the banquet, as to throw
herself at once into the arms of the church, where she
professed, fell sick, and died of grief. Laura, discon-
solate for the loss of her daughter, and the part stye her-
self had acted in the tragedy, retired into a convent of
female penitents, and did penance for the unhallowed
Eleasures of her former life. The king was affected by
is sudden loss, but soon found comfort in some other
pursuit. The premier talked little on the subject, but
thought so much the more, as the reader will easily
believe.
CHAPTER IV.
SANTIIXANI IN A NEW OFFICE.
' Mv feelings were all alive to Lucretia's ill fate, and
my own infamy in having contributed to it. The royal
wants of the lover were no excuse for my taking the
post of cheapener, and I determined to resign the staff
of office in that department, entreating the minister to
employ me in some other. He was charmed with my
nice sense of honour, and promised to comply with my
GIL BLAS* 373
eferuples, laying open his inmost heart in the following,
speech.
" Some years before I was in office, chance threw me
across a lady of such shape and beauty as induced me
to trace her home. I learned that she was a Genoese,
by name Donna Margarita Spinola, supporting herself at
Madrid on the income arising from her beauty. It was
reported that Don Francisco de Valeasar, an officer about
the court, a rich man, an old man, and a married man, laid
out his money very freely on this hazardous speculation.
These rumours ought to have deterred me ; but they only
whetted my desires to share with Vateasar. To gain
my end, I had recourse to a female broker of tenderness,,
who adjusted the terms of a private interview with the
Genoese ; and the price current being settled, the traf*
fie was frequently repeated ; it was an open market for
my rival and me, or, possibly, for many other bidders.
" Let that be as it may, a choice boy was in the fulness
of time produced to the club, and the mother compli-
mented every member individually in private with the
Credit; but we were each of us too modest to acknowt-
edge a bantling which had so probable a claim upon a
better father ; so that the Genoese was compelled to
maintain him on the profits of her profession : this she
did for eighteen years, and, dying at the end of that pe*
riod, has left her son without a farthing, and, what was
worse, without an idea or an accomplishment.
44 Such," continued his lordship, " is the confidence I
mean to repose in you ; and I shall now lay open the
great design I have formed to draw this unfortunate
child from his obscurity, reverse the colour of his fate*
raise him to the highest honours, and acknowledge him
as my son."
At so extravagant a project it was impossible not to
be open-mouthed. "What, sir," exclaimed I, * 4 can
your excellency have adopted so strange a resolution 1
Excuse my freedom; but my zeal cannot restrain it-
self." " You will be of my mind," replied he, with
eagerness, " when I shall have explained' to you my .
motives. I have no mind that my estates should de*
scend in the collateral line. You will tell me, that I
am not so old as to despair of having children by
Madame D'Olivarez. But every one is best judge of his
own condition : know, therefore, that there is not a re-
xeipt in the whole extent of chymistry which I have
39
374 OIL BLA*. *
not tried, hot without effect, to appear once again ia
the character of a father. Wherefore, since fortune,
stepping in to cover the defects of nature, presents me
with a child whose parent after ail I may actually be,
he is mine by adoption ; that is a settled point"
When I found the minister determined, I no longer
argued against his resolution, as knowing him to be a
man who would rather do a foolish act of his own than
adopt a wise suggestion of another. " It only remains
now," added he, ** to educate Don Henry Philip de Guz-
man ; for by that name I intend hkn to be known in the
world, till the time arrives when he may aspire to
higher dignities. You, my dear SantiUane, I have
chosen to superintend his conduct: 1 have full confi-
dence in your talents and friendship, to regulate hia
household, direct his studies, and make him an accom-
plished gentleman." I would willingly have declined,
the office, as never having exercised the craft of a
pedagogue, which required much more genius and so-
lidity than mine ; but he shut my mouth by saying it
was his absolute determination that I should be tutor
to this adopted son, whom he designed for the first
offices of the monarchy. As- a bribe for my compli-
ance, his lordship increased my little income with a
Kwsion of a thousand crowns on the commandery of
ambra.
CHAPTER V.
THE SON Or THE GENOESE IS ACKNOWLEDGED BY A LEGAL IN-
STRUMENT, AND NAMED DON HEN BY PHILIP DE OCXMAN.
BANT1LLANE ESTABLISHES HIS* HOUSEHOLD, AND ABRANGES
THE COURSE OP HIS STUDIES,
The act of adoption was soon legalized with the
king's consent and good pleasure. Don Henry Philip
de Guzman, as this descendant from a committee of
fathers was named, became acknowledged successor to
the earldom of Olivares and the dutchy of San Lucar.
The minister, to give the act all possible publicity,
communicated it through Carnero to the ambassadors
and grandees of Spain, who were somewhat startled*
The jokers of Madrid were not insensible io the ridicule,
GIL BLAS. 375
the satirical poets made their harvest of so fine a
subject for their pen.
1 asked my lord duke where my pupil was* " Here,
in town," answered he, " with an aunt, from whom I
shall remove him as soon as you have got a house
ready." This I did immediately, and furnished it mag-
nificently. When my establishment was complete m
servants and officers, his excellency sent tor this
equivocal production, this spurious offset from the re*
nowned stock of the Guzmans. The lad was tall and
personable. "Don Henry," said his lordship, pointing:
to me, " this gentleman is to be your tutor, and intro-
duce you into the world: he has my entire confidence,
and an unlimited authority over you." After much
good advice, and many compliments to me, the minis- '
ter retired, and I took Don Henry home.
As soon as we got thither, I introduced him to his
household, and explained the nature of each individual's
employment He did not seem at all disconcerted at
the change of circumstances, but received the obeisan-
ces of his dependants as if he had been a lord by na-
ture, and not by chance. He was not without mother-
wit, but ignorant in a deplorable degree: he could
scarcely read and write. 1 gave him masters for the
Latin grammar, geography, history, and fencing. A
dancing-master, of course, was not forgotten: but, in an
affair of the first consequence, selection was difficult ;
for there were more eminent professors of that art in
Madrid, than of all the languages and sciences put
together.
While I was pondering on this difficulty, a man
gaudily dressed came into the courtyard, and inquired
for me. I went down, supposing him to be at least a
knight of some military or privileged order. " Signor
de Santillane," said he, with a profusion of bows, which
anticipated his line in life, "1 am come to offer you
my services as Don Henry's governor. My name is
Martin Ligero, and 1 have, thank Heaven, some reputa-
tion in the world. I have no occasion to canvass for
scholars : that is all very well for petty dancing-mas-
ters t My custom is to wait till 1 am sent for ; but, be-
ing a sort of appendage to the house of Guzman, and
having taught its various branches for a long period, I
thought it a point of respect to wait on you first." " I
perceive," answered I, " that you are just the man we
976 GIL BLAA.
want. What are your terms 1" " Fonr double
a month," answered he ; " and I give but two lessons a
week." " Four doubloons a month !" cried I : " that is
an exorbitant price." ** Exorbitant !" rejoined he, with
astonishment, " why, it is not more than eight times as
much as you would give to a mathematical master or a
Greek professor."
There was no resisting so ludicrous a comparison of
merit; I laughed outright, and asked Signor* Ligero
whether he really thought his talents worth more than
those of the first proficients in learning and science T
"Most assuredly," said he ; " at least, if you measure
oar pretensions by their respective utility. What
sort of machines may those be which are fashioned
under their hands % Jointless puppets, unlicked cubs,
open-mouthed and impenetrable shellfish ; but our les-
sons supple and render pliant the intractable stiffness
of their component parts, and bring them insensibly
inta shape : in short, we communicate to them a grace-
ful motion, a polite address, the carriage of good com-
pany, and the outward marks of elevated rank."
I could not but give way to such cogent arguments
in favour of the dancing-master's occupation, and en-
gaged him about Don Henry's person without haggling
as to terms, since those specified were only at the rate
established by the leading professors of the art.
CHAPTER VI.
OlPfo's RETURN FROM NCW 8PAIN. GIL BLA8 PLACES HIM
ABOUT DOM HENRY'S PER80N. THAT YOUNG NOBLEMAN'S
COURSE OP 8TUDY.-HI8 CAREER OF HONOUR, AND HIS FA-
THER'S MATRIMONIAL SPECULATION ON HIS BEHALF. A
PATENT OF NOBILITY CONFERRED ON GIL BLAS AGAINST HIS
WILL.
' t * .
I had not yet half arranged Don Henry's household,
when Scipio returned from Mexico. He brought with
him three thousand ducats in cash, and merchandise to
double the amount. "I wish you joy," said I; " the
foundation of your fortune is laid ; and, if you prefer a
snug birth' at Madrid to the risk of going back, you
have only to telj me so."" There is no question about
OIL BLAS. 377
4hat, said the son of Cosclina; ( a genteel situation ajt
fcome is far preferable to a second voyage."
After relating the birth and adventures of the little
adopted Guzman, and my own appointment as tutor, I
offered him the situation of upper-servant to this babe
of chance: Scipio, who could have devised nothing
better for* himself, readily accepted the office, and, with-
in the small space of three or four days, got the length
of his new master's foot.
I had taken it for granted that the verb-grinders and
concord-manufacturers to whom I had given the plant
of this Genoese bastard would lose stock and block, un-
der the idea that he was of an intractable and profitless
Sje: but my forebodings were completely reversed.
e not only comprehended, but easily retained the les-
sons of his masters, and they were very well satisfied
with him. I was in an enormous hurry to greet the
oars of my lord duke with this intelligence, and he re-
ceived it with abundant joy. " Santiilane," exclaimed
he, with delight, M you give me new life by the assu-
rance of Don Henry's capacity and application ; it runs
in the blood of the Guzmans; and I am the more con-
firmed in his being unquestionably my own, because I
m just as fond of him as if Madame D'Olivarez herself
had lain in of the brat in due form under this very roof.
The voice of nature, you perceive, will make itself
heard." I thought it unnecessary to give his lordship
any opinion on that subject ; but, with a delicate defer-
ence to his credulity, left him to enjoy his fancied
paternity in peace, whether well or ill rounded.
Though all the Guzmans held this clod of newly-
turned-up nobility in utter scorn, they were politic
enough to smooth over the corrugations of their con-
tempt; nay, some of them even affected to languish
for his good opinion; the ambassadors and principal
nobility then at Madrid waited on him, with all the
ceremoriy appertaining to the rank of a legitimate son*
The minister, intoxicated with the fumes of incense offer-
ed to his idol, began to build a temple worthy of the wor-
ship. The cross of Alcantara was the foundation, with
a commandery of ten thousand crowns. The next step
was to a high office in the royal household, and the
completion of the whole was matrimony. Wishing to
connect him with a family of the first rank, he picked
out Donna Johanna de Valesco, daughter to the Duke
32*
978 OIL BLAB.
of Castile, and had influence enough to accomplish the
alliance, though against the will of the duke and of aH
his kindred.
Some days before the nuptial ceremony, his lordship
Sit some papers into my hand, saying, " Here, Gil
las, is a patent of nobility, which I have procured as
the reward of your services." " My lord," answered I,
in much astonishment, " your excellency knows very
well that 1 am the son of an usher and a duenna : it
would be 'caricaturing the peerage to confer it on me ;
and besides, of all the boons in his majesty's power to
bestow, it is that which I deserve and desire the least."
" Your birth," replied the minister, " is a slight ob-
jection. You have been employed on affairs of state
under the Duke of Lerma's administration and under
mine : besides," added he, with a smile, " have you not
rendered some things to Cesar, which Cesar is bound,
on the honour of a prince, to render back in another
shape 1 To deal candidly, Santillane, you will make
just as good a lord as the best of them : nay, more than
that, your high office about my son is incompatible with
the plebeian rank, and therefore have I procured you to
be created." " Since your excellency will have it so,"
replied I, " there is no more to be said." So, saying no
more, I put my new-blown honours into my pocket and
walked off.
" Now can I make any Joan a iady !" said I to my-
self when I had got Into the street : " but it was not the
handiwork of my parents that made me a gentleman. I
may add a foot of honour to my name whenever I
please ; and, if any of my acquaintance should snuff or
snigger when they call me don, I may suck my teeth,
lean upon my elbow, and draw out my credentials of
heraldry. But Jet us see what they contain ; and how
the corporeal particles which have accrued during my
artificial contact with the court, are distinguished by
genealogical metaphysics from the native clay of my
original extraction." The instrument ran thus in sub-
stance : " That the king, in acknowledgment of my zeal,
in more than one instance, for his service and the good
of the state, had been graciously pleased to confer this
mark .of distinction on me." 1 may safely say that the
recollection of the act for which I was promoted effect-
ually kept down my pride. Neither did the bashful
ness of low birth ever forsake me ; so that nobility to
OIL BLAB* 379
me was like a hair shirt to a penitent : I determined,
therefore, to lock up the evidences of my shame in a
private drawer, instead of blazoning them to dazzle the
eyes of the foolish or corrupt.
CHAPTER VII.
AN ACCIDENTAL MEETING BETWEEN OIL BLAS AMD FABRICIO.
THEIR LAST CONVERSATION TOGETHER, AND A WORD TO THB
WISE PROM NUNEZ.
The poet of the Asturias, as the reader, if he thought
of him, may have remarked, was very negligent in his
intercourse with me. It was not to be expected that my
employments would leave me time to go and look after
him. I had not seen him since the critical discussion
touching the Iphigenia of Euripides, when chance threw
me across him as he came out of a printing-house. I
accosted him, saying, " So ! so ! Master Nunez, you
have got among the printers : this looks as if we were
threatened with some new production."
"You may indeed prepare yourselves for such an
event," answered he : * 1 have a pamphlet just ready for
publication which is likely to make some noise in the
literary world." " There can be no question about its
merit," replied I : " but I cannot conceive why you waste
your time in writing pamphlets : it should seem as if
such squibs and rockets were scarcely worth the pow-
der expended in their manufacture." " It is very true,"
rejoined Fabricio : " and I am well aware that none but
the most vulgar gazers are caught by such holyday fire-
works : however, this single one has escaped me, and I
must own that it is a child of necessity. Hunger, as
you know, will bring the wolf out of the forest."
44 What !" exclaimed I, 4 * is it the author of the 4 Count
of Saldagna' who holds this language ? A man with an
annuity of two thousand crowns ?" ** Gently, my
friend," interrupted Nunez, " I am no longer a pensioned
poet. The affairs of the treasurer Don Bertrand are all
at sixes and sevens : he has been at the gaming-table,
and played with the public money : an extent has issu-
ed, and my rent-charge is gone post-haste to the devil."
" That is a sad afiaur," said I : " but may not matters
880 OIL BLA3.
come round again in that quarter!" " No chance of it,"
answered he : " Signor Gomez del Ribero, in plight as
destitute as that of his poor bard, is sunk forever ; nor
can he, as they say, by any possible contrivance be set
afloat again."
" In that case, my good friend," replied I, " we must
look out for some post which may make you amends for
the loss of your annuity." " 1 will ease your conscience
on that score," said he : " though you should offer me
the wealth of the Indies as a salary in one of your offi-
ces, I would reject the boon : clerkships are no object
to a partner in the firm of the Muses ; a literary birth, or
absolute starvation, for your humble servant ! If you
must have it plump, I was born to live and die a poet,
and the man whose destiny is hanging will never be
drowned.
" But do not suppose," continued he, " that we are
Altogether forlorn and destitute : besides that we accom-
modate the requisites of independence to our finances,
we do not look far beyond our noses in calculating the
average of our fortunes. It is insinuated that we often
dine with the most abstemious orders of the religious ;
but our sanctity in this particular is too credulously im-
puted. There is not one of my brother wits, without
excepting the calculators of almanacks, who has not a
plate laid for him at some substantial table : for my own
part, I have the run of two good houses. To the master
of one I have dedicated a romance ; and he is the first
commissioner of taxes who has ever associated with the
Muses : the other is a rich tradesman in Madrid, whose
lust is to get wits about him ; he is not nice in his choice,
and this town furnishes abundance to those who value
wit more by quantity than quality."
" Then I no longer feel for you," said I to the poet of
the Asturias, u since you are satisfied in your condition.
Be that as it may, I assure you once more, that you have
a friend in Gil Bias, however you may slight him : if
you want my purse, come and take it : it will not fail
you at a pinch ; and you must not stand between me
and my sincere friendship."
41 By that burst of sentiment," exclaimed Nunez, " I
know and thank my friend Santillane : in return, let me
S've you a salutary caution. While my lord duke is in
s meridian, and you are all in all with him, reap, bind,
and gather in your harvest : when the sun sets, the
GIL BLAB. 381
gleaners are sent home." I asked Fabricio whether his
suspicions were surely founded ; and he returned me this
answer. " My information comes from an old knight of
Calatrava, who pokes his nose into secrets of all sorts ;
his authority passes current at Madrid, as much as that
of the Pythian newsmongers did through Greece ; and
thus his oracle was pronounced in my hearing: 'My
lord duke has a host of enemies in battle array against
him ; he reckons too securely upon his influence with
the king : for his majesty, as the report goes, begins to
take in hostile representations with patience.'" I
thanked Nunez for his friendly warning, but without
much faith in his prediction : for my master's authority
seemed rooted in the court, like the tempest-scoffing
firmness of an oak in the native soil of the forest.
CHAPTER VIII.
Oil. BLAS FINDS THAT FABRICIO'S BINT WAS NOT WITHOUT
FOUNDATION. THE KING'S JOURNEY TO SABASOSSA.
The poet of the Asturias was no bad politician.
There was a court plot against the duke, with the queen
at the bottom ; but their plans were too deeply laid to
bubble at the surface. During the space of a whole
year, my simplicity was insensible to the brewing of
the tempest.
The revolt of the Catalans, with France at their back,
and the ill success of the war for their suppression, ex-
cited the murmurs of the people, and whetted their
tongues against government. A council was held in the
royal presence, and the Marquis de Grana, the empe-
ror's ambassador, was specially requested to assist.
The subject in debate was whether the king should re-
main in Castile, or go and take the command of his
troops in Arragon. The minister spoke first, and gave
it as his opinion that his majesty should not quit the
seat of government. All the members supported his ar-
guments, with the exception of the Marquis de Grana,
whose whole heart was with the house of Austria, and
the sentiments of his soul on the tip of his tongue, af-
ter the homely honesty of his nation. He argued so
forcibly against the minister, that the king embraced hia
ttft GIL BLAB.
opinion from conviction, though contrary to the vote of
council, and fixed the day when he would set out for the
army.
This was the first time that ever the sovereign had
differed from his favourite : and the latter considered it
as an inexpiable affront. Just as the minister was with-
drawing to his closet, there to bite upon the bridle, he
espied me, called me in, and told me with much discom-
posure what had passed in debate. " Yes, Santillane,"
observed he, " the king, who for the last twenty years
has spoken only through my mouth and seen with my
eyes, is now to be wheedled over by Grana ; and that on
the score of zeal for the house of Austria ; as if that
German had a more Austrian soul in his body than my-
self.
" Hence it is easy to perceive," continued the minis-
ter, ** that there is a strong party against me, with the
queen at the head." " Heaven forbid it !" said I. " Has
not the queen, for upwards of twelve years, been accus-
tomed to your paramount authority, and have you not
Caught the king the knack of not consulting her 1 The
desire of making a campaign may for once have enlisted
his majesty on the side of the Marquis de Grana."
" Say rather that the king," argued my lord duke, " will be
surrounded by his principal officers when in camp ; and
then the disaffected will find their opportunity for poi-
soning him against my administration. But they over-
reach themselves; for I shall completely insulate the
prince from all their approaches :" and so he did, in a
manner which, for example, deserves not to be passed
over.
The day of the king's departure being arrived, the
monarch, leaving the queen regent, proceeded for Sara-
gossa by way of Aranjuez; a delightful residence,
where he whiled away three weeks. Cuenca was the
next stage, where the minister detained him still longer
by a succession of amusements. A hunting-party was
contrived at Molina in Arragon, and hence there was no
choice of road but to Saragossa. The army was near
at hand, and the king was preparing to review it : but
his keeper sickened him of the project, by making him
believe that he would be taken by the French, who were
in force in the neighbourhood : so that he was cowed by
a groundless apprehension, and consented to be a pris-
oner in his own court. The minister, from an affection-
OIL fiLAS . 388
ate regard to his safety, secluded him from all approach ;
so that the principal nobility, who had equipped them-
selves at enormous charges to be about his person,
could not even procure an occasional audience. Philip,
weary of bad lodgings and worse recreation at Saragos-
sa, and perhaps feeling himself scarcely his own mas-
ter, soon returned to Madrid. Thus ended the royal
campaign, and the care of maintaining the honour of
the Spanish colours was left to the Marquis de los Ve-
lez, commander-in-chief.
CHAPTER IX.
THE REVOLUTION OF PORTUGAL, AND D180RACE Of THE TRIMS
MIN18TER.
A raw days after the king's return, an alarming report
prevailed at Madrid, that the Portuguese, considering
the Catalan revolt as an opportunity offered them by
fortune for throwing off the Spanish yoke, had taken
arms, and chosen the Duke of Braganza for their king,
with a full determination of supporting him on the
throne. In this they conceived that they did not reck-
on without their host ; because Spain was then embroiled
in Germany, Italy, Flanders, and Catalonia. They could
not, in fact, have hit upon a crisis more favourable for
their deliverance from so galling a yoke.
It was a strange circumstance, that while both court
and city were struck with consternation at the news,
my lord duke attempted to joke with the king, and make
the Duke of Braganza his butt : Philip, however, far
from falling in with this ill-timed pleasantry, assumed a
serious air, of ill- omen to the minister, who felt his seat
to totter under him. The queen was now his declared
enemy, and openly accused him of having caused the
revolt of Portugal by his misconduct. The nobility in
general, and especially those who had been at Saragossa,
when they saw a cloud gathering about the minister,
joined the queen's party :* but the decisive blow was
* " At length his sovereign frowns the train of state
Mark the keen glance, and watch the sign to hate."
Jokntmi's Imitation of JwcnaV$ Tenth Satin,
384 oil bus.
the return of the dutches* dowager of Mantua from her
government of Portugal to Madrid ; for she proved clear-
ly to the king's conviction, that the counsels of his own
cabinet produced the revolution.
His majesty, deeply impressed with what he had
heard, was now completely recovered from every symp-
tom of partiality towards his favourite. The minister*
finding that his enemies were in possession of the royal
ear, wrote for permission to resign his employments, and
retire from court, since all the political mischances of
the time were ascribed to his personal delinquency. He
expected a letter like this to produce a wonderful effect,
reckoning as he did upon the prince's private friendship,
which could scarcely brook a separation : but his ma*
jesty's answer undeceived him, by laconically complying
with his ostensible wish to withdraw.
Such a sentence of banishment, in the king's own
handwriting, came like a thunder-storm in harvest : but
though destruction to his long-cherished hopes, he af-
fected the serene look of constancy, and asked me what
1 would do in his circumstances. " I would drive be-
fore the wind,'* said I ; " renounce the ungrateful court,
and pass the remainder of my days in peace on my own
estate.' 1 "You counsel wisely, replied my roaster;
" and I shall set out for Loeches, there to finish my ca-
reer, after one more interview with his majesty : for t
could wish just to convince him that I have done what
man can do to support the heavy load of state upon my
shoulders ; and that it is not within the compass of pos-
sibility to prevent the unfortunate events which are im-
puted to me as a crime. It were equally reasonable to
charge the pilot with the wrecking fury of the storm, and
make him answerable for the uncontrolled power of the
elements." Thus did the minister inwardly flatter him-
self that he should set things to rights again, and once
more fix firm the seat which was shaking under him i
but he could not procure an audience, and was even com-
manded to resign his key of private admission into his
majesty's closet.
This last requisition convinced him that there was no
hope ; and he now made up his mind in earnest for re-
tirement. He looked over his papers, and had the pru-
dence to burn a great number : he then selected a small
household for his retreat, and publicly announced his
departure for the next day. Apprehending insult from
GIL BIAS. 386
the mob, if the time and maimer of his setting out were
public, he escaped early in the morning through the
* kitchens out at the back-door, got into a shabby hired
carriage with his confessor and me, and reached in
safety the road leading to Loeches, a village on his own
estate, where his countess had founded a magnificent
convent of Dominican nuns.
CHAPTER X.
* DIFFICULT, BUT SUCCESSFUL WEANING FROM THE WORLD.
minister's EMPLOYMENTS IN HIS RETREAT.
Madame D'Ohvarez stayed behind her husband some
few days, with the intention of trying what her tears
and entreaties might do towards his recall ; but in vain
did she prostrate herself before their majesties: the
king paid not the least attention to her pleadings and
remonstrances, though artfully adapted for effect ; and
the queen, who hated her mortally, took a savage pleas-
ure in her tears. The minister's lady, however, was
not easily discouraged : she stooped so low as to so-
licit their good offices from the ladies of the bedcham-
ber; but the fruit of all this meanness was only the
sad conviction that it excited more contempt than pity.
Heart-broken at having degraded herself by supplica-
tions so humiliating, and yet so tmavailing, she departed
to her husband, and mourned with him the loss of a
situation which, under a reign like that of Philip the
Fourth, was little short of sovereign power.
The accounts her ladyship brought from Madrid were
wormwood to the duke. " Your enemies," said she,
sobbing, " with the Duke of Medina Celi at their head,
are loud in the king's praises for your removal ; and the
people triumph in your disgrace with an insolent joy, as
if the cloud of adversity were to be dispelled by the
breath which dissolved your administration." "Mad-
am," said my master, " follow my example ; suppress
your discontent: we must drive before the storm
when we cannot weather it. I did think, indeed, that
my favour would only be eclipsed with the lamp of life:
a common illusion of ministers and favourites, who
forget that they breathe but at the good pleasure of
Vol. II. R 33
360 GIL BLA4.
their sovereign. Was not the Duke of Lerma as ranch
mistaken as myself, though fondly relying on his pur-
ple as a pledge for the lasting tenure of his authority % n
Thus aid my lord duke preach patience to the partner
of his cares, while his own bosom heaved under the
direst pressure of anxiety. The frequent despatches
from Don Henry, who was staying about the court to
pick up information, kept him continually on the fret.
Scipio was the messenger ; for he was still about the
person of that young nobleman, though I had relin-
quished my post on his marriage. Sometimes we heard
of changes in the inferior departments of office, solely
for the purpose of wreaking vengeance en his creatures,
and filling up the vacancies with his enemies. Then
Don Lewis de Haro was represented as advancing in
favour, and likely to be made prime minister. But the
most mortifying circumstance of all was- the change in
the viceroy alty of Naples,, which was taken from hie
friend, the Duke de Medina de las Torres, and bestowed
on the high admiral of Castile, who was his bitterest
enemy. For this there was no other motive but the
pleasure of giving pain to a fallen favourite.
For the first three months, his lordship gave himself
up in his solitude, a prey to disappointment and regret:
but his confessor, a holy and pious Dominican r support-
ing his religious zeal with manly eloquence, succeeded
in pouring the balm of consolation into his soul. By
continually representing to him, with apostolic energy,
that his eternal salvation was now the only object worth
his care, he weaned him gradually from the uses of this
world. His excellency was no longer panting for news
from Madrid, but learning a new and important lesson,
how to die. Madame DOlivarez too, making a virtue
of necessity, sought refuge for herself in the maternal
guardianship of her convent, where Providence had
reared up, for her edification in faith and good works, a
sisterhood of holy maidens, whose spiritual discourses
fed her soul, as if with manna in the wilderness. My
master's peace within his own bosom advanced, as he
withdrew more backward from sublunary things. The
employment of his day was thus laid out : almost the
whole morning was devoted to religious duties, till din-
ner-time ; and after dinner, for about two hours, he
played at different games with me, and some of his
confidential domestics : he then generally retired alone
GIL BLAS. 387
into his closet till sunset, when he walked round his
gaixlen, or rode out into the neighbourhood either with
fats confessor or me.
One day when I was alone with him, and was partic-
ularly struck with his apparent self-complacency, I took
the liberty of congratulating his lordship on his com-
plete reconciliation to retirement. " Use, however late
acquired, is second nature," answered he : u for though
I have all ray life been accustomed to the bustle of
business, I assure you that I become every day more
and more attached to this calm and peaceful mode of
life."
CHAPTER XL
A CHANGE IN BIS LORDSHIP FOR THE WORSE. THE MARVEL*
LOUS CAUSE AND MELANCHOLY CONSEQUENCES OF HIS DE-
JECTION.
His excellency sometimes amused himself with gar-
dening, by way of variety. One day, as 1 was watching
his progress, he said, jokingly, " You see, Santillane, a
fallen minister can turn gardener at last." " Nature
will prevail, my lord," answered I. "You plant and
water something useful at Loeches, while Dionysius of
Syracuse whipped schoolboys at Corinth/' My master
was not displeased either with the comparison or the
compliment
We were all delighted at the castle to see our pro-
tector, rising above the cloud of adversity, take pleasure
m so novel a mode of life : but we soon perceived an
alarming change. He became gloomy, thoughtful, and
melancholy. Our parties at playwere all given up, and
no efforts could succeed to divert his mind. From
dinner-time till evening he never left his closet. We
thought the dreams of vanished greatness had returned
to break his rest; and in this opinion the reverend
Dominican gave the rein to his eloquence ; but it could
not outstrip the rapid course of that hypochondriac
malady, which triumphed over all opposition.
It seemed to me there was some deeper cause, which
it behooved a sincere friend to fathom. Taking advan-
tage of our being alone together, " My lord/ 1 said I, in
&2
988 GIL BUS.
a tone of mingled respect and affection, "whence is H
that you are no longer so cheerful as heretofore ? Has
your philosophy lost ground 1 or has the world recov-
ered its allurements 1 Surely you would not plunge
again into that gulf, where your virtue must inevitably
be shipwrecked 1" " No, Heaven be praised !" replied
the minister : " my part at court has long faded from
my memory, and its trappings from my eyes." " In-
deed ! why, then, 11 resumed I, " since you have strength
enough to banish false regrets, are you so weak as to
indulge a melancholy which alarms us all ? What is
the matter with you, my dear master 1" continued I,
falling at his knees : " some secret sorrow preys upon
you : can you hide it from Saatillane, whose zeal, dis-
cretion, and fidelity you have so often experienced ?
Why am I so unhappy as to have lost your confidence V
" You still possess it, 1 ' said his lordship : " but, 1 must
own, it is reluctantly that I shall reveal the subject of
my distress : yet the importunities of such a friend are
irresistible. To no one else could 1 impart so singular
a confidence. Yes, I am the prey of a morbid melan-
choly, which eats inwardly into my vitals : a spectre
haunts me every moment, arrayed in the most terrific
form of preternatural horror. In vain have I argued
with myself that it is a vision of the brain, an unreal
mockery: its continual presentments blast my sight,
and unseat my reason. Though my understanding
teaches me that, in looking on this spectre, I stare at
vacancy, my spirits are too weak to derive comfort from
the conviction. Thus much have you extorted from
me : now judge whether the cause of my melancholy
is fit to be divulged."
With equal grief and astonishment did I listen to
this strange confession, which implied, a total derange-
ment of the nervous system. " This, my lord," said I,
" must proceed from injudicious abstinence." " So I
thought at first," answered he ; " and, to try the experi-
ment, I have been eating more than usual for some days
past : but it is all to no purpose, the phantom takes his
stand as usual." " It will vanish," said I, "if your ex-
cellency will only divert your mind by your accustomed
relaxations with your household. Company and gentle
occupation are the best remedies for these affections of
the spirits."
In a short time after this conversation, his lordship
GIL BLAS. 389
became seriously indisposed, and sent for two notaries
from Madrid to make his will. Three capital physicians
followed in their track, who had the reputation of curing
their patients now and then. As soon as it was noised
about in the castle that these last undertakers were ar-
rived, the case was given up for lost; weeping and
gnashing of teeth took place universally, and the family
mourning was ordered. They brought with them their
usual understrappers; an apothecary and a surgeon.*
The notaries were suffered to earn their fee first, after
which death's notaries prepared to take a bond of the
patient. They practised in the school of Sangrado, and
from their very first consultation ordered bleeding so
frequently and freely, that in six days they brought his
lordship to the point of death, and on the seventh de-
livered him from the terror of his sprite.
After the minister's decease, a lively and sincere
sorrow reigned in the castle of Loeches. The whole
household wept bitterly. Far from deriving consolation
from the certainty of being remembered in his will,
there was not a dependant who would not willingly have
saved his life by the sacrifice of the legacy. As for
me, whom he had most delighted in, attached to him as
I was from disinterested friendship, my grief was more
acute than that of the rest. I question whether Anto-
nia cost me more tears.
CHAPTER XII.
THE PROCEEDINGS AT THE CASTLE OF LOECHES AFTER HIS
lordship's DEATH, AND THE COURSE WHICH SANTELLANE
ADOPTED.
The minister, according to his last injunctions, was
buried, without pomp and without procession, in the
convent, with a dirge of our lamentations. After the
* " Behind him sneaks
Another mortal, not unlike himself,
Of jargon full, with terms obscure overcharged,
Apothecary call'd, whose fetid hands,
With power mechanic, and with charms arcane,
Apollo, god of medicine, has endued." Brakston.
33*
890 GIL BLAB.
funeral, Madame D'Olivarez called us together to hear
the will read, with which the household had good reason
to be satisfied. Every man had a legacy proportioned
to his claim, and none less than two thousand crowns ;
mine was the largest, amounting to ten thousand pis-
toles, as a mark of his singular regard. The hospitals
were not forgotten, and provision was made for an
annual commemoration in several convents.
Madame D'Olivarez sent all the household to Madrid to
receive their legacies from Don Raymond Capons, who
had orders to pay them ; but I could not be of the party,
in consequence of a violent fever from distress of mind,
which confined me to the castle for more than a week.
During that time, the reverend Dominican paid me all
possible attention. He had conceived a friendship for
me, which was not confined to my worldly interests :
and was anxious to know how I meant to dispose of my-
self on my recovery. I answered, that I had not yet
made up my mind upon the subject ; there were mo-
ments when my feelings strongly prompted towards a
religious vow. "Precious moments!" exclaimed the
Dominican ; " you will do well to profit by them. I ad-
vise you, as a friend, to retire to our convent at Madrid,
for example ; there to become a pious benefactor by the
free gift of your whole fortune, and to die in the livery
of Saint Dominic. Many very questionable Christians
have made amends for a life of sin by so holy an end. 1 '
In the actual disposition of my mind, this advice was
not unpalatable ; and I promised to reflect upon it. But,
on consulting Scipio, who came to see me immediately
after the monk, he treated the very notion as the phan-
tom of a distempered brain. " For shame !" said he ;
" does not your estate at Ltrias offer a more eligible se-
clusion ? If you were delighted with it formerly, the
charm will be increased tenfold now that the lapse of
years has moderated your sense of pleasure, and soften-
ed down your taste to the simple beauties of nature."
It was no difficult matter to operate a change in my
inclinations, " My friend," said I, " you carry it deci-
dedly against the advocate of Saint Dominic. We will
go back to Lirias as soon as I am well enough to trav-
el." This happened shortly; for, as the fever subsided,
I soon felt myself sufficiently strong to put my design
in execution. We went first to Madrid. The sight of
that city gave me far other sensations than heretofore.
OIL BLAg. 391
As 1 knew that almost its whole population held in hor-
ror the memory of a minister, of whom I cherished the
most affectionate remembrance, I could not feel at my
ease within its precincts. My stay was therefore lim-
ited to five or six days, while Scipio was making the
necessary arrangements for our rustication. In the
meantime, I wailed on Capons, and received my legacy
in ready money. I likewise made my arrangements
with the receivers for the regular remittance of my
pension, and settled all my affairs in due order.
The evening before our departure, I asked the son of
Cosciina whether he had received his farewell from Don
Henry. " Yes," answered he, " we took leave of each
ether this morning with mutual civility; he went so far
as to express his regret that I should quit him; bat how-
ever well satisfied he might be with me, I am by no
means so with him. Mutual content is like a river,
which must have its banks on either side. Besides, Don
Henry makes but a pitiful figure at court now : he has
fallen into utter contempt; people point at him with
their finger in the streets, ana call him a Genoese bas-
tard. Judge, then, for yourself, whether it is consistent
with my character to keep up the connexion."
We left Madrid one morning at sunrise, and went for
Cnenca. The following was the order of our equip*
ment : we two in a chaise and pair ; three mules, laden
with baggage and money, led by two grooms, and two
stout footmen, well armed, in the rear ; the grooms wore
sabres, and the postillion had a pair of pistols in his hol-
sters. As we were seven men in all, and six of us de-
termined fellows, I took the road gayly, without trem-
bling for my legacy. In the villages through which we
passed, oar mules chimed their bells merrily, and the
peasants ran to their doors to see us pass, supposing it
to* be at least the parade of some nobleman going to
take possession of a viceroyalty.
892 OIL BLAi.
CHAPTER XIII.
TBt bbtobn of oil blas to his seat his jot at raronro
B GOD-DAUGHTER 8ERAPHW* MARRIAGEABLE; AND HIS
OWN 8BOOND VENTURE Of THB LOTTERY OF LOVE.
We wore a fortnight on our journey to Lirias, haying
no occasion to make rapid stages. The sight of my
own domain brought melancholy thoughts into my
mind, with the image of my lost Antonia: but better
topics of reflection came to my aid, with a full purpose
to look at things on the brighter side, and the lapse of
two-and-twenty years, which had gradually impaired
the force of tender regret.
As soon as I entered the castle, Beatrice and her
daughter greeted me most cordially, while the family
scene was interesting in the extreme. When their mu-
tual transports were over, I looked earnestly at my god-
daughter, saying, " Can this be the Seraphina whom I
left in her cradle ! how tall and pretty ! we must make
a good match for her." " What ! my dear godfather,"
cried my little girl, with an enchanting blush, " you have
but just seen me, and do you want to get rid of me at
once !" " No, my lovely child," replied 1, " we hope
not to lose you by marnage, but to find a husband for
you in the neighbourhood."
" There is one ready to your hands," said Beatrice.
" Seraphina made a conquest one day at mass. Her
suiter has declared his passion, and asked my consent.
I told him that his acceptance depended on her father
and her godfather ; and here you are to determine for
yourselves."
" What is the character of this village lordling 1" said
Scipio. " Is he not, like his fellows, the little tyrant of
the soil, and insolent to those who have no pedigree to
boast V " The farthest from it in the world/ 1 answered
Beatrice ; " the young man is gentle in his temper and
polished in his manners ; handsome withal, and some-
what under thirty." " You paint him in flattering col-
ours," said I to Beatrice ; " what is his name 1" " Don
Juan de Jutella," replied Scipio's wife : " it is not long
OIL BIAS. 393.
since be came to his inheritance ; he lives on his own
estate about a mile off, with a younger sister, of whom
he takes care." " I once knew something of his fam-
ily," observed I ; "it is one of the best in Valencia."
" i care less for lineage," cried Scipio, " than for the
qualities of the heart and mind ; this Don Juan will ex-
actly suit us, if he is a good sort of man." " He is be-
lied else," said Seraphina, with a blushing interest in
oar conversation ; " the inhabitants of Lirias, who know
him well, say all the good of him you can conceive." I
smiled at this ; and her father, not less quicksighted,
saw plainly that her heart had a share in the testimony
of her tongue.
The gentleman soon heard of our arrival, and paid his
respects to us within two days. His address was pleas-
ing and manly, so as to prepossess us in his favour*
He affected merely to welcome us home as a neighbour.
Our reception was such as not to discourage the repeti-
tion of his visit, but not a word of Seraphina ! When
he was gone, Beatrice asked us how we liked him. We
eould have no objection to make, and gave it as our
opinion that Seraphina could not dispose of herself
better.
The next day, Scipio and I returned the visit. We
took a guide, and luckily ; for otherwise it might have
puzzled us to find the place. It was not till our actual
arrival that it was visible ; for the mansion was situated
at the foot of a* mountain, in the middle of a wood,
whose lofty trees hid it from our view. There was an
antique and ruinous appearance about it, which spoke
more for the descent than the wealth of its proprietor.
On our entrance, however, the elegance of the interior
arrangement made amends for the dilapidated grandeur
of the outer walls.
Don Juan received us in a handsome room, where he
introduced his sister Dorothea, a lady between nineteen
and twenty years of age. She was a good deal tricked
out, as if she had primed and loaded herself for con-
quest, in expectation of our visit. Thus presenting all
her charms in full force, she did by me much as Anto-
nia had done before ; but 1 managed my raptures so dis-
creetly, that even Scipio had no suspicion. Our con-
versation turned, as on the preceding day, on the mutual
pleasure of good neighbourhood. Still he did not open
on the subject of Seraphina, nor did we attempt to draw
R3
394 GIL BLAS.
him out During our interview, I often cast a side glance
at Dorothea* though with all the reserve of delicate ap-
Erehension ; whenever our eyes met, the citadel of my
eart was ready to surrender. To describe the object of
my love justly, as well as feelingly, her beauty was not
of the most perfect kind : her skin was of a dazzling
whiteness, and her lips united the colour with the fra-
grance of the rose ; but her features were not so regular
and well-proportioned as might have been wished : yet,
altogether, she won my heart.
In short, I left the mansion of Jutella a different man
from what 1 was on entering it : so that, returning to
Lirias with my whole soul absorbed in Dorothea, I saw
and spoke only of her. " How is this, master ?" said
Scipio, with a look of astonishment, " you seem to be
very much taken with Don Juan's sister ! Can you be
in love with her 1" M Yes, my friend," answered I ; "to
my shame be it spoken. Since the death of Antonia,
how many lovely females have passed in review before
me with indifference : and must my passions be irresist-
ibly kindled at this time of life !" " Indeed, sir," re-
plied the eon of Oosclina, "you may bless your stars,
instead of squabbling with yourself: you are not so old
as to make your sacrifice at the shrine of love a by-
word : and time has not yet ploughed such furrows on
your brows, as to render hopeless the desire of pleas-
ing. When you see Don Juan next, ask him boldly for
his sister: he. cannot refuse her to you; and besides*
if his views in her settlement are ambitious, how can
he do better ? You have a patent of nobility in your
pocket, and upon that your posterity may ride easy:
after five generations, when pedigree herself shall be
lost in the confusion of her materials, it may exercise
the diligence of learned inquiry, to trace the family of
the Santillanes to the beginning of its archives, and
consecrate the fame of its founder by the indistinctness
of his story,"
OIL BLA8. 395
CHAPTER XIV.
A DOUBLE MARRIAGE, AND THE CONCLUSION OF THE
HISTORY.
By this discourse, Scipio encouraged me to declare
myself, without considering how he exposed me to the
danger of a refusal. My own resolution was taken with
fear and trembling. Though I carried my years well,
nd might have sunk at least ten, it did not seem un-
likely that a young beauty might turn up her nose at
the disparity. I determined, however, to bolt the ques-
tion the first time I saw her brother, who was not with-
out his trepidations on the subject of my god-daughter*
He returned my call the next morning, just as 1 had
done dressing. " Signor de Santillane," said he, " I
wish to speak with you on some serious business." I
took him into my closet, where, entering on the subject
at once, " I imagine, 11 continued he, " that you are not
unacquainted with the purpose of my visit : I love Se-
raphina ; you are all in all with her father ; I must re-
quest you, therefore, to intercede and procure for me
the accomplishment of my heart's desire : then shall I
have to thank you for the prime bliss of my existence. 9 '
" Signor Don Juan, 19 answered I, u as you come to the
point at once, you can have no objection to my follow-
ing your example : My good offices are fully at your
service, and I shall hope for yours with your sister in
return. "
Don Juan was agreeably surprised. " Can it be pos-
sible," exclaimed he, " that Dorothea should have made
a conquest of your heart since yesterday 1" "It is
even so," said I, " and it would make me the happiest
of men if the proposal should meet with your joint
approbation." " You may rely on that," replied he :
" though with some pretensions to family pride, yours
is not an alliance to be despised." " You flatter me
highly," rejoined I : " that you are not mealy-mouthed
about receiving a commoner into your pedigree, is a
mark of good sense ;. but even if nobility had been a
necessary ingredient in your sister's requisites for a
896 Oft. BLAft.
husband, we should not have quarrelled on that account*
I have worked out twenty years in the trammels of
office : and the king, as a reward of my long labours,
has granted me a patent of nobility." This high-minded
? gentleman read my credentials over with extreme satis-
action, and returning them, told me that Dorothea was
mine. "And Seraphina yours," exclaimed I.
Thus were the two marriages agreed on between us.
The consent of the intended brides was all that remain-
ed ; for we neither of us presumed to control the incli-
nations of our wards. My friend, therefore, carried home
my proposal to his sister, and 1 called Scipio, Beatrice,
and my god-daughter together, for the purpose of lay-
ing open a similar project. Beatrice voted loudly for
immediate acceptance, and Seraphina silently. The
father did not say much against it, but boggled a little
at the fortune he must give to a gentleman, whose seat
required such immediate and extensive repairs. I stop-
ped Scipio's mouth by telling him that was my concern,
and that I should contribute four thousand pistoles to
the architect's estimate.
In the evening Don Juan came again. " Your busi-
ness is going swimmingly,' 9 said I : " pray Heaven mine
may promise as fairly." " Better it cannot,' 1 answered
he ; " my influence was quite unnecessary to prevail
with Dorothea; your person had made its impression,
and your 'manners pleased her. You were afraid she
might not like you ; while she, with more reason, hav-
ing nothing to offer but her heart and hand " " What
would she offer more 1" interrupted I, out of my wits
with joy. ' Since the lovely Dorothea can think of me
without repugnance, I ask no more : my fortune is am-
ple, and the possession of her is the only dowry I should
value."
Don Juan and myself, highly delighted at having
brought our views to bear so soon, were for hastening
our nuptials, and cutting off all superfluous ceremonies.
I closeted the gentleman with Seraphina's parents ; the
settlements were soon agreed on, and he took his leave,
Sromising to return next day with Dorothea. My eager
esire of appearing agreeable in that lady's eyes, occa-
sioned me to spend three hours at least in adjusting my
dress, and communicating the air of a lover to my per-
son ; but I could not do it so much to my mind as in my
younger days. The preparations for courtship are a
GIL BIAS. 397'
I
Eleasure to a young man, but a serious business and
azardous speculation to one who is beginning to be
oldish. And yet it turned out better than my hopes or
deserts ; for Don Juan's sister received me so gracious-
ly as to put me in good-humour with myself. I was
charmed with the turn of her mind ; and foreboded that,
with discreet management and much deference, I might
really get her to like me as well as anybody else. Full
of this sweet hope, I sent for the lawyers to draw up
the two contracts, and for the clergyman of Paterna to
bring us better acquainted with our mistresses.
Thus did I light the torch of Hymen for the second
time, and it did not burn blue with the brimstone of
repentance. Dorothea, like a virtuous wife, made a
pleasure of her duty : in gratitude for the pains I took
to anticipate all her wishes, she soon loved me as well
as if I had been younger. Don Juan and my god-
daughter were more enthusiastic in their mutual ardour ;
and, what was most unprecedented of all, the two sis-
ters-in-law loved one another sincerely. Don Juan was
a man in whom all good qualities met : my esteem for
him increased daily, and he did not repay it with in-
gratitude. In short, we were a happy and united fam-
ily : we could scarcely bear the interval of separation
between evening and morning. Our time was divided
between Lirias and Jutella: his excellency's pistoles
made the old battlements to raise their heads again,
and the castle to resume its lordly port.
For these three years, reader, I have led a life of
unmixed bliss in this beloved society. To perfect my
satisfaction, Heaven has deigned to send me two smi-
ling babes, whose education will be the amusement of
my declining years ; and if ever husband might venture
to hazard so bold an hypothesis, I devoutly believe
myself their father.