Prentiss_Stepping_Heavenward.txt topic ['13', '324', '378', '393']
me.
it is has led me on, step by step, answering my prayers in own
way; and cannot bear to have a single human being doubt that it has
been a perfect way. love and adore it just as it is.
the suspense has been one of the most trying features of my
case. as have unclasped my hand from my dear 's; just
as have let go my almost frantic hold of my darling children; just
as heaven opened before me and fancied my weariness over and my
wanderings done; just then almost every alarming symptom would
disappear and life recall me from the threshold of heaven itself.
have been emptied from vessel to vessel, til have learned
that he only is truly happy who has no longer a choice of his own,
and lies passive in 's hand.
now no one can foretell the issue of this sickness. live a
day at a time not knowing what shall be on the morrow. whether
live or die my happiness is secure and so believe is of my beloved
ones. is a true picture of our home:
sick-room full of the suffering ravages the body but cannot touch
the soul. worn, wasting mother ministered unto by a devoted husband
and by unselfish children. of the peace of if not
all of it, shines in every face, is heard in every tone. is a home
that typifies and foreshadows the home that is perfect and eternal.
dear has been given us for this emergency. it not
strange that seeing our domestic life should have awakened in her
some yearnings for a home and a heart and children of her own.
has said that there was a weary point in her life when she made up
her mind that she was never to know these joys. she accepted her
lot gracefully. do not know any other word that describes so well
the beautiful offering she made of her life to and then to us.
accepted it, and as given her all the cares and responsibilities of
domestic life without the transcendent joys that sustain the wife and
the mother. has been all in all to our children and has been
all in all to her. she is happy in service and in our love.
20- took me nearly two weeks to write the above at intervals
as my strength allowed. has consented to my finishing this
volume, of which so few pages yet remain. he let me see a dear
old friend who came all the way from my native town to see me-.
, our family physician as long as could remember. is of an
advanced age but full of vigor, his eye bright, and with a healthful
glow on his cheek. he says he is waiting and longing for his
summons home. that home we had a delightful talk together that
did my very heart good. he made me tell him about this long
sickness and the years of frail health and some of the sorrows
through which had toiled.
", these lovely children are explained now," he said.
" you really think," asked, "that it has been good for my
children to have a feeble, afflicted mother?"
", really think so. disciplined mother--disciplined children."
comforting thought is one of the last drops in a cup of felicity
already full.
2- , and all at church except my darling who
keeps watch over her mother. when have had them each
alone in turn have been blessed days to them and to me. this
is some compensation for what they lose in me of health and vigor.
know the state of each soul as far as it can be known, and have every
reason to believe that my children all love my and are trying
to live for . have learned at last not to despise the day of
small things, to cherish the tenderest blossom, and to expect my dear
ones to be imperfect before they become perfect .
is a sweet composed young girl now eighteen years old and what
can say more of the love her brothers bear her than this: they
never tease her. has long ceased asking why she must have
delicate health when so many others of her age are full of animal
life and vigor but stands in her lot and place doing what she can,
suffering what she must, with a meekness that makes her lovely in my
eyes, and that am sure unites her closely to .
27 .- was 's turn to stay with me today. opened his
heart to me more freely than he had ever done before.
"," he began, "if papa is willing, have made up my mind-that
is to say if get decently good-to go on a mission."
said playfully:
" mamma's consent is not to be asked ?"
"," he said, "getting hold of what there is left of my hand. "
know you wouldn't say a word. 't you remember telling me once when
was a little boy that might go and welcome?"
" don't you remember," returned, "that you cried for joy, and
then relieved your mind still farther by walking on your hands with
your feet in the air?"
both laughed heartily at this remembrance, and then said:
" dear boy, you know your fathers plan for you?"
", know he expects me to study with him, and take his place in
the world."
" it is a very important place."
countenance fell as he fancied was not entering heartily into
his wishes.
" ," went on, " gave you to long before you gave
yourself to . can make you useful in your own, or in other
lands, bless name. live to see you a man, or not,
hope you will work in the 's vineyard, wherever calls. never
asked anything but usefulness, in all my prayers for you; never once.
eyes filled with tears; he kissed me and walked away to the
window to compose himself. poor, dear, lovable, loving boy! has
all his mother's trials and struggles to contend with ;but what
matter it if they bring him the same peace?
30.-- wonders to see me once more interested in my
long-closed , and becoming able to see the dear friends from
whom have been, in a measure cut off. cannot ask the meaning of
this remarkable increase of strength.
have no wish to choose. have come to the last page of my
, and living or dying, shall write in this volume no more.
closes upon a life of much childishness and great sinfulness, whose
record makes me blush with shame but no longer need to relieve my
heart with seeking sympathy in its unconscious pages nor do believe
it well to go on analyzing it as have done. have had large
experience of both joy and sorrow; have the nakedness and the
emptiness and have seen the beauty and sweetness of life.
say now, let me say to time and strength used to spend
in writing here, let me spend in praying for all men, for all
sufferers who are out of the way, for all whom love. their name
is for love everybody.
love everybody! crowning joy has come to me at last.
is in my soul; is mine; am as conscious of it as that my
husband and children are mine; and flows from mine in the
calm peace of a river whose banks are green with grass and glad with
flowers. die it will be to leave a wearied and worn body, and a
sinful soul to go joyfully to be with , to weary and to sin no
more. live, shall find much blessed work to do for .
living or dying shall be the 's.
wish, oh how earnestly, that whether go or stay, could
inspire some lives with the joy that is now mine. many years
have been rich in faith; rich in an unfaltering confidence that was
beloved of my and . something was wanting was ever
groping for a mysterious grace the want of which made me often
sorrowful in the very midst of my most sacred joy, imperfect when
most longed for perfection. was that personal love to of
which my precious mother so often spoke to me which she often urged
me to seek upon my knees. had known then, as know now what
this priceless treasure could be to a sinful human soul, would have
sold all that had to buy the field wherein it lay hidden. not
till was shut up to prayer and to the study of word by the
loss of earthly joys, sickness destroying the flavor of them all, did
begin to penetrate the mystery that is learned under the cross.
wondrous as it is, how simple is this mystery! love and to
know that love -this is all!
when entered upon the sacred yet oft-times homely duties of
married life, if this love had been mine, how would that life have
been transfigured! petty faults of my husband under which
chafed would not have moved me; should have welcomed and her
father to my home and made them happy there; should have had no
conflicts with my servants, shown no petulance to my children. it
would not have been who spoke and acted but who lived in me.
! have had less than seven years in which to atone for a
sinful, wasted past and to live a new and a -like life. am
to have yet more, thanks be to who has given me the victory, that
will be . the love that rests in the contemplation and
adoration of its object; but the love that gladdens, sweetens,
solaces other lives.
gifts of gifts!
grace of faith
! how can it be
who hast discerning love,
give that gift to me?
many hearts thou mightst have had
innocent than mine!
many souls more worthy far
that sweet touch of ?
grace! into unlikeliest hearts
is thy boast to come
glory of light to find
darkest spots a home.
happy. happy that am!
thou canst be, faith
treasure that thou art in life
wilt thou be in death?
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.
my fellow-traveler and were walking by the side of
one fine evening after sunset in our road to a hut where in
the course of our tour we had been hospitably entertained some weeks
before, we met, in one of the loneliest parts of that solitary region
two well-dressed women, one of whom said to us by way of greeting,
", you are stepping westward?"
", you are stepping westward?" "." --' be a wildish
destiny we who thus together roam a strange land and far from
home in this place the guests of chance: who would stop, or
fear to advance, home or shelter he had none, such a sky
to lead him on? dewy ground was dark and cold; , all gloomy
to behold: stepping westward seemed to be kind of heavenly
destiny: liked the greeting; 'twas a sound something without
place and bound, seemed to give me spiritual right travel
through that region bright. voice was soft and she who spake
walking by her native lake: salutation had to me very sound
of courtesy: power was felt; and while my eye fixed upon the
glowing sky, echo of the voice enwrought human sweetness with
the thought traveling through the world that lay me in my
endless way. --.