Phelps_The_Gates_Ajar.txt topic ['13', '324', '378', '393']
from closing; surely we should look in as far
as we can, and surely, if we look with rever-
ence, our eyes will be holden, that we may
not cheat ourselves with mirages. as
the little girl said, the first time she
saw the stars : ' father, if the wrong side
of heaven is so beautiful, what must the right
sidehQ}'"
.
write little now, for am living too much.
days are stealing away and lessening one
by one, and still plays about the room,
2ipr .
though very softly now, and still the cheery
sunshine shimmers in, and still we talk with
clasping hands, less often and more pleasantly.
and noon and evening come and go ;
the snow drifts down and the rain falls softly ;
clouds form and break and hurry past the win-
dows ; shadows melt and lights are shattered,
and little rainbows are prisoned by the icicles
that hang from the eaves.
sit and watch them, and watch the &ick-
lamp flicker in the night, and watch the blue
morning crawl over the hills ; and the old words
are stealing down my thought: is the
substance, this the shadow ; that the reality^ this
the dream.
watch her face upon the pillow ; the happy
secret on its lips ; the smile within its eyes.
is nearly a year now since sent the face
to me. it has done for me knows ;
what the next year and all the years are to be
without it. knows, too.
is slipping away, slipping. .
must lose it.
sfaoul^d' iiot have said what said
to-rtight ; but being weak from v\^tching, and
seeing how glad she was to go, seeing how all
the peace was for her, all the pain for. us,
241:
cried, " , , why can't we go
too ? cofit and go with you ? "
she answered me only, ",
knows."
will be brave again to-morrow, little
more sunshine in the room ! little more of
and the dolly !
.
asked for the child at bedtime to-night,
and laid her down in her night-dress on her
mother's arm. kissed her, and said her
prayers, and talked a bit about ,
and to-morrow, and her snow man. sat over
by the window in the dusk, and watched a
little creamy cloud that was folding in the
moon. their voices grew low, and
at last 's stopped altogether.
heard in fragments this :
" , dear ? you won't have many
more talks with mamma. awake just a
minute, , and hear ^ can you hear?
will never, never forget her little girl ;
she won't go away very far ; she will always
love you. you remember as long as you
live ? will always see you, though you
can't see her, perhaps. , my darlings
dofit cry ! n't naughty ? , is
n p
.
good ; is always good. won't take
mamma a great way off. more kiss?
! now you may go. to sleep. morel
, ."
6.
is a long time since have written here.
did not want to open the book till was sure
that could open it quietly, and could speak
as she would like to have me speak, of what
remains to be written.
a very few words will tell it all.
happened so naturally and so happily,
she was so glad when the time came, and she
made me so glad for her sake, that cannot
grieve. say it from my honest heart, can-
not grieve. the place, out of which she has
gone, she has left me peace. think of some-
thing that said about the open-
ing of that golden gate,
" round which the kneeling spirits waiu
h^o seems to linger round those kneeling closest to
fhe.door :
joy that lightened from that place shines still upon the
watcher's face."
think more often of some things that she
herself said in the very last of. those pleasant
. mR
taSk.% when, turning a leaf in her little ,
she pointed out to me the words :
" is expedient for you that go away;
for, if go not away, the will not
come."
was one spring-like night, the twenty-
ninth of .
had been in less pain, and had chatted
and laughed more with us than for many a
day. begged that might stay till
dark, and might bring her 's ark and
play down upon the foot of the bed where she
could see her. sat in the rocking-chair with
my face to the window. did hot light the
lamps.
night came on slowly. clouds
flitted by, but ther6 was a blaze of golden
color behind them. broke through and
scattered them; it burned them and melted
them ; it shot great pink and purple jets up to
the zenith ; it fell and lay in amber mist upon
the hills. soft wind swept by, and darted
now and then into the glow, and shifted it
about, color away from color, and back again.
" , ! " she said softly ; '' put down
the little camel a minute, and look '^ and
a^ed after, but neither ta the chile? nor to me^
^^ ,
it seemed : " eventide there shall be light"
knocked presently, and went out ta
see what was wanted, and planned a little for
's breakfast, and came back,
, with her little ark, was still playing
quietly upon the bed. sat down again in
my rocking-chair with my face to the window.
and then the child's voice broke the
silence, asking should she put the ele-
phant, and was there room there for the yellow
bird? and now and then her mother an-
swered her, and so presently the skies had
&ded, and so the night came on.
was thinking that it was 's bedtime,
and that had better light the lamp, when
a few distinct, hurried words from the bed at-
tracted ray attention.
** , think you had better kiss mamma
now, and get down."
was a change in the voice. was
there in a moment, and lifted the child from
the pillow, where she had crept. she said,
" a minute, ; wait a minute,"
for clung to her, with one hand upon
her cheekj softly patting it.
went over and stood by the window.
was her mother herself who gently put
the little fingers away at last.
. 245
* 's own little girl ! night, my
darling, my darling."
took the child away to and
came back, and shut the door.
*^ thought you might have some message
for ," she said.
"?"
" , think."
had often talked of this, and she had
promised to remember it, whatever it might
be. , told her will not write
what told her.
saw that she was playing weakly with her
wedding-ring, which hung very loosely below
its little worn guard.
" the little guard," she said, " and keep
it for ; but bury the other with me : he
put it on ; nobody else must take it "
sentence dropped, unfinished.
crept up on the bed beside her, for she
seemed to wish it. asked if should light the
lamp, but she shook her head. room
seemed light, she said, quite light.
wondered then if were asleep, and if
she would waken early in the morning.
that kissed her, and then we said
nothing more, only presently she aaked me to
hold her hand.
24^ .
was quite dark when, she turned her (ace
at last towards the window.
* ! " she said, " why, \ "
# # #
came in, with heads uncovered and
voices hushed, to see her, in the days while she
was lying down stairs among the flowers.
when thought that she was alone,
went in, it was at twilight, and turned,
startled by a figure that was crouched sobbing
on the floor.
*' , want to go too, / want to go tOQ ! " it
cried.
" 's ben there all day long," said ,
wiping her eyes, " and she won't go home for.
a mouthful of victuals, poor creetur ! but she
jest sets there and cries and cries, an* there 's
no stoppin' of her ! "
was little ).
another time, was there with fresh
flowers, when the door opened, creaking a
little, and ' came in on tiptoe, trying
in vain to still the noise of his new boots.
eyes were red and wet, and he held out to
me timidly a single white carnation.
" you put it somewhere, where it
would ri't do any harm ? walked way over
& 24^,
to and back to get it you could
jest hide it under the others out of sight, seems
to me it would do me a sight of good to feel it
was there, you know."
motioned to him to lay it himself between
her fingers.
" , dars n't. 'm not fit, /*m not 'd
rether have you."
told him that knew she would be as
pleased that be should give it to her himself
as she was when he gave her the pinks
on that distant summer, day. the great
awkward fellow bent down, as simply as a child,
as tenderly as a woman, and left the flower in
its place.
" liked 'em," he faltered ; " maybe, if what
she used to say is all so, she 11 like 'em now.
liked 'em better than she did machines.
've just got my carpet-sweeper through;
was thinking how pleased she 'd be ; wanted
to tell her. should go to the good .place,
if ever do go, it will be just her doin's,
'11 tell her then, maybe, "
forgot that anybody was there, and, sob-
bing, hid his face in his great hands.
wc are waiting for the morning when
248 .
the gates shall open, and . , from
my stiller watches, am not saddened by the
music of her life. feel sure that her mother
wishes it to be a cheery life. feel sure that
she is showing me, who will have no mother-
hood by which to show myself, how to help
her little girl.
, ah, well, and , he knows.
hour is not yet come. the will
that we should be about 's business^
what is that to us ?
.