Mulock_My_Mother_and_I.txt topic ['13', '324', '378', '393']
268 .
thing remember vividly that as we stood
there, looking out, put his hand a mo-
ment lightly on my shoulder.
" as you are a minute. as you stand
thus, with your profile turned away, you look so very
like her so like that could fancy it was she
herself come back again, young as ever, while have
grown quite old. , compared with you, , am
quite old."
said nothing. had said any thing if could
have told him that those we love to us never seem old,
that even had it been as he said, he, with his gray hair,
was more to me, and would be, down to the most help-
less old age, than all the young men in the world.
how could have said it? if had, it would have
made no difference. afterward recalled his look
^firm and sweet, never wavering in a purpose which he
thought right. ; nothing would have made any dif-
ference.
" stayed a few minutes longer, and then came back,
he helping me tenderly down the broken stairs, to my
mother's side. gave a start, and a sudden eager,
anxious look at us both ; but when said
in his usual voice that it was time for us to go home,
she looked down again and sighed.
" went home, rather silently now, and took a hasty
tea, for he had to be back in by a certain hour, and
" put hu hand a mowurU lightly cm my shoulder^
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besides, the mists were gathering, and my mother urged
him to avoid the risk of a cold night-ride.
" " must say good-by at last, and perhaps, it is best
after all to say it quickly," heard her tell him in an
undertone. voice trembled, the tears stood in her
eyes. me, never stirred or wept was as still
as a stone.
" are right," answered he, rising. " -by,
and bless you. is all one needs to say."
her hand, he kissed it. , glancing at me,
he asked her my mother only " ?"
bent her head in assent. the room, he
came and kissed me, once on my forehead, and once
oh, thank , just that once ! -on my mouth.
keep it that kiss of his till can give it back to
him in .
in this world never saw my
more.
* -jfr * * *
had a very happy three years my mother and
as happy as we had ever knovm. after
's departure we seenaed to close up together
she and ^in one another's loving arms; understand-
ing one another thoroughly, though still, as ever, we did
not speak one word about him that all the world might
not have heard.
, our life was wholly free from care.
273 .
had as ifiuch of each other's society, or nearly as much,
a^ we had ever had, with the cares of poverty entirely
removed. grandfather proved as good as his word,
and all that had said of him he justified
to the full. received my mother with cordial wel-
come, and treated her from first to last with imf ailing
respect and consideration. had every luxury that
could desire for her, and she needed luxuries, for after
her illness she was never her strong, active self again.
she was her dear self always the sweetest, bright-
est little mother in all the world.
the world itself, however, we were two very grand
people . and of .
m
which we often laughed between ourselves, knowing
that we were in reality exactly the same as in our shut-
up poverty days just " my mother and ."
's letters were our great enjoyment.
never missed a single mail. he v^rote to
her, with a little note inside for me, inquiring about my
studies and amusements, and telling me of his own;
thou^ of himself personally he said very little. -
er he were well or ill, happy or miserable, we could
guess only by indirect evidence. one thing was
clear enough rhis intense longing to be at home.
" a day shall wait," he said in a letter to my
grandfather ^'not a single day after the term of. ab-
sence havB prescribed to myself is ended." my
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\
grandfather coughed, saying mysterionsly that "
always had his crotchets ;" he hoped this would be the
last of them ; it was not so very long to look forward.
look fiorward ? 1 any dreams of a possi-
ble future ? can not tell. life was so full and
busy my mother seemed obstinately determined to
keep it busy ^that had little time for dreams.
took me out into society, and think both she
and my grandfather enjoyed society's receiving me well.
believe made what is called a "sensation" in both
and . was even presented at ,
and the young said a kind word or two about
me, in 's own pleasant way. , well, all
that is gone by now; but at the time enjoyed it.
was good to be worth something even to look at and
liked to be liked very much, until some few did rath-
er more than like me, and then was sometimes very
unhappy. my grandfather kept his promise; he
never urged upon me any offer of marriage. my
mother, too my tender mother asked me not a single
question as to the why and the wherefore, though, one
after another, persistently refused them alL
" she is one-and-twenty, my dear, we may hope
she will decide. then she will have time to know
her own mind. said so, and is always
right."
said iny grandfather to my mother, and they
274
both smiled at ooe another ; they were the beet friends
now, aod they remained to the laBt.
last came sooner than any of ns had thought
for 'e prophecies were not realized.
we had had only three years in which to make
him happy and know we did make him happy my
dear grandfather died: snddenly, painlessly, without
even having had time to bid ua good-by. was a
great shock, and we momned for him as if we had loved
him all our lives. , even though, to the great sur-
prise of om: afFectionate friends a large circle now
he left only a small annnity the rest of his fortune
going, as the will proved he had always meant it to go,
to . was so glad 1
was now obliged to come home.
had only one line from him, when he got the sad news,
begging my mother to remain miatrese at
until he arrived there, and adding that, if it did not
trouble us very much, he shonld be grateful conld we
manage to meet him at , he being "rather
an invalid."
we went. 1 need not say any thing about the
journey. it ended, my mother, just at the last
minute, proposed that should remain in the carriage,
at the dock gates, while she went forward to the ship's
aide, where we could dimly perceive a crowd disembark-
. 275
disembarked. saw them land in happy groups,
with equally happy friends to greet them, laughing and
crying and kissing one another. all came home,
safe and sound, all but one my one. in the
, where the busy ships sail over him, and the warm
waves rock hini in his sleep, they had left him as much
as could die of him my .
^ ^ ^ : : ^
had died of the fatal family disease which he
knew he was doomed to, though the warfn climate of
the and the pure air of the hills kept* it dormant
for a long time. some accidental exposure brought
on inflammation of his lungs ; after which he began to
sink rapidly. doctors told him he would never
reach alive ; but he was determined to try.
heard it was wonderful how long the brave spirit up-
bore the feeble body. did not suffer much, but just
lay every day on deck ; alone, quite alone, as far as near
friends went yet watched and tended by all the pas-
sengers, as if he had belonged to them for years.
the midst of them all, these kind, strange faces, he one
day suddenly, when no one expected it, " fell on sleep."
he looked as if asleep^ they said with the sun
shining on his face, and his hands folded, as quiet as a
child.
that was his became mine. left it me and it
was a large fortune in a brief will, made hastily the
276 m 1.
very day after lio had received the tidinge of my graod-
fatber'a death. gave me every thing abaolntely,
hoth " becanse it was my right," and " because he had
always loved me."
had always loved ma , why grieve !
coarse of years, think have almost ceased to
grieve. , long ago, merely becanse loved him, had
felt as if already married, how mnch more so now,
when nothing could ever happen to change this feeling,
r make my love for him a sin ?
do say there was not an intermediate and ter-
rible time, a time of ntter blankness and darkness, when
" walked through the valley of tie shadow of death ;"
alone, qnite alone. by-and-by came out of it into
the safe twilight we came out of it, should say, for
she had been close beside me all the while, my dearest
mother.
helped me to carry out my life ; as like hi as
could make it, in the way knew he would most ap-
prove. , so doing, it has not been by any means ,
an unhappy life. have had his wealth to accomplish
all his schemes of benevolence ; have sought oat his
friends and made them mine, and been as true to them
as he would have been. short, have tried to do aU
that he was obliged to leave nndone, and to make my-
self contented in the doing of it
" ," think, was the word people most often
. 277
used concerning us during the many peaceful years we
spent together, my mother and . it is only .
am, think, a contented old woman yet.
own are still my own perhaps the more so as ap-
proach the time of reunion. even here, to those
who in it and understand what it means, there is,
both for us and for our dead, both in this life and in
the life to come, the same " kingdom of heaven."
course, have always remained .