Bronte_Villette.txt topic ['13', '324', '378', '393']
you know ?" said he again.
name re-pronounced by his lips overcame me unaccountably. did
not prostrate--no, it stirred me up, running with haste and heat
through my veins--recalling an hour of quick pain, many days and
nights of heart-sickness. me as he now sat, strongly and closely
as he had long twined his life in mine--far as had progressed, and
near as was achieved our minds' and affections' assimilation--the very
suggestion of interference, of heart-separation, could be heard only
with a fermenting excitement, an impetuous throe, a disdainful
resolve, an ire, a resistance of which no human eye or cheek could
hide the flame, nor any truth-accustomed human tongue curb the cry.
" want to tell you something," said: " want to tell you all."
", ; come near; speak. prizes you, if do not? is
your friend, if not ? !"
spoke. escaped from my lips. lacked not words now; fast
narrated; fluent told my tale; it streamed on my tongue. went back
to the night in the park; mentioned the medicated draught--why it
was given--its goading effect--how it had torn rest from under my
head, shaken me from my couch, carried me abroad with the lure of a
vivid yet solemn fancy--a summer-night solitude on turf, under trees,
near a deep, cool lakelet. told the scene realized; the crowd, the
masques, the music, the lamps, the splendours, the guns booming afar,
the bells sounding on high. had encountered detailed, all
had recognised, heard, and seen; how had beheld and watched himself:
how listened, how much heard, what conjectured; the whole history,
in brief, summoned to his confidence, rushed thither, truthful,
literal, ardent, bitter.
as narrated, instead of checking, he incited me to proceed he
spurred me by the gesture, the smile, the half-word. had half
done, he held both my hands, he consulted my eyes with a most piercing
glance: there was something in his face which tended neither to calm
nor to put me down; he forgot his own doctrine, he forsook his own
system of repression when most challenged its exercise. think
deserved strong reproof; but when have we our deserts? merited
severity; he looked indulgence. my very self seemed imperious and
unreasonable, for forbade my door and roof; he smiled,
betraying delight. , jealous, and haughty, knew not till now
that my nature had such a mood: he gathered me near his heart. was
full of faults; he took them and me all home. the moment of utmost
mutiny, he reserved the one deep spell of peace. words caressed
my ear:--
", take my love. day share my life. my dearest, first on
earth."
walked back to the by moonlight--such moonlight as
fell on --shining through the shades of the , and
haply gilding a path glorious for a step divine--a nameless.
in their lives some men and women go back to these first fresh
days of our great and --taste that grand morning's dew--
bathe in its sunrise.
the course of the walk was told how had
always been regarded with the affection proper to a daughter--how,
with . 's consent, she had been affianced for months to one
, a wealthy young merchant, and was to be
married in the course of a year. of . 's relations and
connections would, indeed, it seems, have liked him to marry her, with
a view to securing her fortune in the family; but to himself the
scheme was repugnant, and the idea totally inadmissible.
reached 's door. 's clock tolled nine.
this hour, in this house, eighteen months since, had this man at my
side bent before me, looked into my face and eyes, and arbitered my
destiny. very evening he had again stooped, gazed, and decreed.
different the look--how far otherwise the fate!
deemed me born under his star: he seemed to have spread over me its
beam like a banner. --unknown, and unloved, held him harsh and
strange; the low stature, the wiry make, the angles, the darkness, the
manner, displeased me. , penetrated with his influence, and living
by his affection, having his worth by intellect, and his goodness by
heart-- preferred him before all humanity.
parted: he gave me his pledge, and then his farewell. parted:
the next day--he sailed.
.
.
cannot prophesy. is no oracle. sometimes imagines a
vain thing. years of absence! had sickened over their
anticipation! woe they must bring seemed certain as death. knew
the nature of their course: never had doubt how it would harrow as
it went. juggernaut on his car towered there a grim load.
him draw nigh, burying his broad wheels in the oppressed soil--, the
prostrate votary--felt beforehand the annihilating craunch.
to say--strange, yet true, and owning many parallels in life's
experience--that anticipatory craunch proved all--yes--nearly
_all_ the torture. great , in his great chariot,
drew on lofty, loud, and sullen. passed quietly, like a shadow
sweeping the sky, at noon. but a chilling dimness was seen or
felt. looked up. and demon charioteer were gone by; the
votary still lived.
. was away three years. , they were the three happiest
years of my life. you scout the paradox? . commenced my
school; worked-- worked hard. deemed myself the steward of his
property, and determined, willing, to render a good account.
came--burghers at first--a higher class ere long. the
middle of the second year an unexpected chance threw into my hands an
additional hundred pounds: one day received from a letter
containing that sum. came from . , the cousin and heir
of my dear and dead mistress. was just recovering from a dangerous
illness; the money was a peace-offering to his conscience, reproaching
him in the matter of, know not what, papers or memoranda found after
his kinswoman's death--naming or recommending . .
had given him my address. far his conscience had been sinned
against, never inquired. asked no questions, but took the cash and
made it useful.
this hundred pounds ventured to take the house adjoining mine.
would not leave that which . had chosen, in which he had left,
and where he expected again to find me. externat became a
pensionnat; that also prospered.
secret of my success did not lie so much in myself, in any
endowment, any power of mine, as in a new state of circumstances, a
wonderfully changed life, a relieved heart. spring which moved my
energies lay far away beyond seas, in an isle. parting,
had been left a legacy; such a thought for the present, such a hope
for the future, such a motive for a persevering, a laborious, an
enterprising, a patient and a brave course-- _could_ not flag.
things shook me now; few things had importance to vex, intimidate,
or depress me: most things pleased--mere trifles had a charm.
not think that this genial flame sustained itself, or lived wholly
on a bequeathed hope or a parting promise. generous provider
supplied bounteous fuel. was spared all chill, all stint; was not
suffered to fear penury; was not tried with suspense. every
vessel he wrote; he wrote as he gave and as he loved, in full-handed,
full-hearted plenitude. wrote because he liked to write; he did not
abridge, because he cared not to abridge. sat down, he took pen and
paper, because he loved and had much to say to her; because he
was faithful and thoughtful, because he was tender and true. was
no sham and no cheat, and no hollow unreal in him. never
dropped her slippery oil on his lips--never proffered, by his pen, her
coward feints and paltry nullities: he would give neither a stone, nor
an excuse--neither a scorpion; nor a disappointment; his letters were
real food that nourished, living water that refreshed.
was grateful? knows! believe that scarce a living being so
remembered, so sustained, dealt with in kind so constant, honourable
and noble, could be otherwise than grateful to the death.
to his own religion (in him was not the stuff of which is
made the facile apostate), he freely left me my pure faith. did not
tease nor tempt. said:--
" a . little , love
in you. own its severe charm. is something in its ritual
cannot receive myself, but it is the sole creed for '.'"
could not put into him bigotry, nor the itself
make him a real . was born honest, and not false--artless,
and not cunning--a freeman, and not a slave. tenderness had
rendered him ductile in a priest's hands, his affection, his
devotedness, his sincere pious enthusiasm blinded his kind eyes
sometimes, made him abandon justice to himself to do the work of
craft, and serve the ends of selfishness; but these are faults so rare
to find, so costly to their owner to indulge, we scarce know whether
they will not one day be reckoned amongst the jewels.
* * * * *
now the three years are past: . 's return is fixed. is
; he is to be with me ere the mists of come. school
flourishes, my house is ready: have made him a little library,
filled its shelves with the books he left in my care: have
cultivated out of love for him ( was naturally no florist) the plants
he preferred, and some of them are yet in bloom. thought loved him
when he went away; love him now in another degree: he is more my
own.
sun passes the equinox; the days shorten, the leaves grow sere;
but---he is coming.
appear at night; has sent his fogs in advance; the
wind takes its autumn moan; but--he is coming.
skies hang full and dark--a wrack sails from the west; the clouds
cast themselves into strange forms--arches and broad radiations; there
rise resplendent mornings--glorious, royal, purple as monarch in his
state; the heavens are one flame; so wild are they, they rival battle
at its thickest--so bloody, they shame in her pride. know
some signs of the sky; have noted them ever since childhood.
watch that sail! ! guard it!
wind shifts to the west. , peace, --"keening" at every
window! will rise--it will swell--it shrieks out long: wander as
may through the house this night, cannot lull the blast.
advancing hours make it strong: by midnight, all sleepless watchers
hear and fear a wild south-west storm. storm roared frenzied, for
seven days. did not cease till the was strewn with wrecks:
it did not lull till the deeps had gorged their full of sustenance.
till the destroying angel of tempest had achieved his perfect
work, would he fold the wings whose waft was thunder--the tremor of
whose plumes was storm.
, be still! ! a thousand weepers, praying in agony on waiting
shores, listened for that voice, but it was not uttered--not uttered
till; when the hush came, some could not feel it: till, when the sun
returned, his light was night to some!
pause: pause at once. is enough said. no quiet,
kind heart; leave sunny imaginations hope. it be theirs to
conceive the delight of joy born again fresh out of great terror, the
rapture of rescue from peril, the wondrous reprieve from dread, the
fruition of return. them picture union and a happy succeeding
life.
prospered all the days of her life; so did ;
fulfilled her ninetieth year before she died.
.