Aguilar_Home_Influence.txt topic ['13', '324', '378', '393']
and longed for the command of a ship, to scoirr the coast of
, and leam something more about the . -
how or other, never can beheve he was drowned, and yet to
think of him as a slave, is terrible."
" not likely, my dear boy ; think of the lapse of years.
painful aa it is, wo must sepafate, ; must not
detain you from rest and sleep any longer. give me one
prombe if ever you are led into temptation and error ^ain,
and it may be for oar strongest resolutions sometimes fail
us write to me without the smallest hesitation, openly, freely ;
tell me all, and if you need aid, ask it^ and will give it ; and,
if it be possible avert your uncle's displeasure. have no fear
that, in telhng you this, am weakening your resolution, hut
only to prevent one fault becoming many by concealment
from dread of anger, and therein the supposed impossibility of
amendment. , my beloved hoy, you have a claim on
me which no error nor fault can remove ; as, under providence,
the preserver of my husband, can never change the anxious
love bear you. may indeed make me very miserable,
but know you will not ; you wiU let me look on your noble
deed with all the love, the admiration, it deserves.
me that, under any difficulty or error, small or great, you will
write to me aa you would have done to your own beloved
mother, and shall have no fear remaining."
-d did promise, but his heart was so full he could not
restram himself any longer, and as . folded him
; .
.
.
and placidlyj as tke course of their own beautiful
river, did the days now pass to the inmates of .
ters came from so frequently, so happily, that hope
would rest calmly, joyously, even on the thought of him.
never let an opportunity pass, writing always to .
(which he had scarcely ever done hefore,) and inclosing his
letters to open in hers. tone, the frequency, were so
changed from his last, that his family now wondered they had
been so blind before in not perceiving that hia very seeming
liveliness was unnatural and overstrained.
" too, . 's anxious care was bringing
in fair promise of success the mistaken influences of her child-
hood, and their increased effect from a morbid imagination, pro-
duced from constant suffering, appearing, indeed, about to be
wholly eradicated. to remove all sad associations
connected with the library, . having detennined
herself to superintend 's studies, passed long mornings in
that ancient room with her, so delightfully, that it became as-
sociated only with, the noble authors whose works, or extracts
from whom, she road and revelled in, and which filled her mind
with such new thoughts, such expansive ideas, such calming
and earnest truths, that she felt becoming to herself a new be-
ing. and thoughtless as she could not now
indeed become alike as their dispositions naturally were; but -
was more quietly, enduringly happy than she had ever re-
membered herself.
was only one alloy, one sad thought that would intrude,
causing a resolution, which none suspected; for, open as she had
become, she could breathe it to none but , for she alone
could assist her, though it required many persuasions and many
assurances, that she never could be quite happy, unless it was
accomplished, which could prevail on her to grant it.
knew, felt mora and more each week, that she could not rest till
she had labored for and obtained, and returned into her auni'j
mFLUEHCE. 383
hands the full sum she had so inYoluntarily appropr^ted.
only means she could adopt demanded such a eeemiag intermin-
able period of self-denial, patience, and perseverance, that at
fii^t as represented and magnified all connected with it,
she felt as if, indeed, she could not nerve herself for the ta^ik,
much as she desired to perform it; but prayer enabled her to
face the idea, till it lost its most painful aspect, and three months
after 's departure she commenced the undertaking, re-
solved that neither lime nor difficulty should deter her from its
accomplishment. her plan was, and whether it succeed-
ed, we may not here inform our readers. we be per-
mitted to resume our of the , both
will be revealed.
to 's delight, the following was fixed
for them to leave , and, after a pleasant tour, to make
the long anticipated visit to . would then be
three or four months' quiet for her to have the benefit of mas-
ters, before she was introduced, and . fondly
hoped, that the last year's residence at home, fraught as it had
been with so m.uch of domestic trial, and displaying so maay hope-
ful and admirable traits in 's disposition, would have
lessened the danger of the ordeal of admiration and gayety
which she so dreaded for her child whether it had or not, a
future page wiU disclose.
this arrangement was a source of extreme re-
gret, individually, in which now quite sympathized.
had never forgotten her mother's gentle hint, that
too gi-eat indulgence of regret or sorrow becomes selfishness,
and she tried very hard to create some anticipation of pleasure,
even ia., would not look to pleasure, but merely
tried to think about and so, when called upon, cheerfully to
resign that which was now so intensely enjoyable her studies
with her aunt and so benefit by them as to give -
coui-t no trouble when she was again under her care ; as she
knew she and must be, more than they had been
yet, when 's introduction, and their residence in -
don, would take . and . so much from domestiu
pursuits and pleasures, and, even when at home, compel them
to be so frequently engrossed with a large circle of friends, and
all the variety of claims on their attention and time, which a
season in includes.
was again the 7th of , and 's birthday. -
tomed from the time she became an inmate of to
regard the anniversary of her birth in the same serious light a&
384 .
. had taught her cousina as a day of quiet reflee
tion, as well as of lliankfiiliiess and joy, as one that, closing and
recommencing another year of their indiyidual , taught
them that they were becoming more and more responsible
beings it was not much wonder that , the whole of that
day, should seem somewhat less cheerful than usual. had
indeed had many sources of thankfulness and joy during the past
year, but a heart and mind like hers could not recall its princi-
pal event without a return of sorrow. . would
not notice her now unusual sadness until the evening, when
perceiving her standing engrossed in thought beside one of the
widely-opened windows, near which was watering some
lovely flowers oa the terrace, she gently approached her, and,
putting her arm round her, s^d, fondly
" have thought quite seriously and quit long enough
for to-day, my dear ; must not have any more such very
silent meditations. there is something to regret in the
retrospect of the last year, acknowledge, but you must not
let it poison all the sources of thankfulness which it brings
likewise."
" was not of my past conduct, was thinking at this moment,
aunt it was "
"", love ? fU me without reserve."
" 1 never, never can return in the smallest degree, all
owe to you," replied , with a sudden burst of emotion,
most unusual to her controlled and gentle character ; " never
can do any thing to evince how gratefully, how intensely feel
all the kindness, the goodness you have shown me from the first
you took me to your home an unhappy, neglected,
ailing child, and this year more, more than ever. own poor
mother left me in my dangerous illness, and what have you not
done to give me back not merely physical, but mental health?
and night you watched beside me, forgetting all the care,
the misery, my conduct had caused you, only thinking, only
seeking, to give me baek to health and happiness. , aunt
, your very household can evince gratitude and love,
in the performance of their respective duties can do nothing,
never can. only could."
" you remember the fable of the lion and the mouse, my
dear , and 's still prettier story on the
same subject?" replied . , more affected tlian she
chose lo betray, though she drew her niece closer to her, and
kissed her foniUy. " hope shall never be caught in a net,
nor exposed to such horrors and danger as poor da
. 386
iu the -ench ; bnt for ail that, and unlikely
as it seems now, lay dear child, jou may have many an oppoi--
tunity to return all that you so gratefully feel you owe me,
uot let any such thought worry you ; but believe me, when
assire you that affection and confidence are the only return
requirCj united, as they are in you, with such aa eaniest de-
sire, and such persevering efforts to become all your best friends
can wish you."
was interrupted by the entrance of , with a
small parcel in her hand.
", this has just arrived from for you; with'
an apologizing message from , , saying, it should have
been here last night, as he promised, but he could not get the
articles from in time. am so very curious as what
it possibly can be, that would bring it to you myself."
" other time would punish your constant curiosity, -
meline, by refusing to gratify it. cannot do so now, however,
for should punish myself as well. did want it most parti-
cularly this morning ; but ram glad it was not delayed tUl the
day was quite over. uncle and did not forget your
birthday, my dear , though it seemed so." opening the
parcel as she spoke, a very pretty jewel-case appeared, contain-
ing the watch, cross, and all the other trinkets had placed
in . 's hand, and never had had the courage to-
for, and the few her aunt had kept for her, bnt so
prettily arranged and beautifully burnished, that she would
scarcely have known them again.
" you never feel any curiosity as to the fate of your
trinkets, my love, that you have never asked about them ? "
" knew they were in better hands than my own," replied
, witli a quivering lip. " felt had no further right to
them, after attempting to part with them."
" know there are some very painful associations connected
with these trinkets, my dear , and, therefore, would not
return them to your own care, till could add to them a birth-
day-gift," and, lifting the upper fray, she took out a gold chain,
and a pair of bracelets of chaste and beautiful worlonanship
" that the sad memories of the one may be forgotten in the
pleasant thoughts of the other. have only one condition to
make," she added, in an earnest lower tone, as tried to
her thanks, but could only cling to her aunt's neck and
weep. " ever again you are tempted to dispose of them,
dearest, promise me to bring them to me, for my valuation
first."