girl, and at this age I am not likely
to fall into a foolish self-deception. I had often thought about him. He seemed
to me a man of higher and more complex type than those with whom I was familiar;
but most surely I never attributed to him even a corresponding interest in me. I
am neither vain, nor very anxious to please; I never suffered because men did
not woo me; I have only moderate good looks, and certainly no uncommon mental
endowments. - If he had been attracted by Sylvia, I should have thought it
natural; and I more than once suspected that Sylvia was disposed to like him. It
seemed strange at first that his choice should have fallen upon me; yet when I
was far away from him, and longed so to sit once more by him and hear him talk,
I understood that it might be in my power to afford him the companionship he
needed. - Mercenary? If I had been merely a governess in the house, he would
have loved me just the same!«
    Only by a painful effort could she remind herself that the ideal which had
grown so slowly was now defaced. He loved her, but it was not the love of an
honest man. After all, she had no need to peruse this writing of his; she
remembered so well how it had impressed her when she read it on its first
appearance, how her father had spoken of it. Buckland's manifold evidence was
irresistible. Why should Peak have concealed his authorship? Why had he
disappeared from among the people who thoroughly knew him?
    She had loved a dream. What a task would it be to distinguish between those
parts of Peak's conversation which represented his real thoughts, and those
which were mockery of his listeners! The plan of a retired life which he had
sketched to her - was it all falsehood? Impossible, for his love was
inextricably blended with the details. Did he imagine that the secret of his
unbelief could be preserved for a lifetime, and that it would have no effect
whatever upon his happiness as a man? This seemed a likely reading of the
problem. But what a multitude of moral and intellectual obscurities remained!
The character which had seemed to her nobly simple was become a dark and dread
enigma.
    She knew so little of his life. If only it could all be laid bare to her,
the secret of his position would be revealed. Buckland's violence altogether
missed its mark; the dishonour of such a man as Godwin Peak was due to no gross
incentive.
    It was probable