to work this
deliverance for himself nowadays. I don't wish to speak unkindly any more,
Miriam, but I must tell you plain facts. Some fellows free themselves by dint of
hard study. In my case that was made impossible by all sorts of reasons -
temperament mainly, as you know. I was always a rebel against my fetters; I had
not to learn that liberty was desirable, but how to obtain it, and what use to
make of it. All the disorder through which I have gone was a struggle towards
self-knowledge and understanding of my time. You and others are wildly in error
in calling it dissipation, profligacy, recklessness, and so on. You at least,
Miriam, ought to have judged me more truly; you, at all events, should not have
classed me with common men.«
    His eyes were now agleam, and the beauty of his countenance fully manifest.
He held his head in a pose of superb confidence. There was too much real force
in his features to make this seem a demonstration of idle vanity. Miriam
regarded him, and continued to do so.
    »To be sure, my powers are in your eyes valueless,« he pursued; »or rather,
your eyes have never been opened to anything of the kind. The nineteenth century
is nothing to you; its special opportunities and demands and characteristics
would revolt you if they were made clear to your intelligence. If I tell you I
am before everything a man of my time, I suppose this seems only a cynical
confession of all the weaknesses and crimes you have already attributed to me?
It shall not always be so! Why, what are you, after all, Miriam? Twenty-three,
twenty-four - which is it? Why, you are a child still; your time of education is
before you. You are a child come to Italy to learn what can be made of life!«
    She averted her face, but smiled, and not quite so coldly as of wont. She
could not but think of Cecily, whose words a few days ago had been in spirit so
like these, so like them in the ring of enthusiasm.
    »Some day,« Elgar went on, exalting himself more and more, »you shall wonder
in looking back on this scene between us - wonder how you could have been so
harsh to me. It is impossible that you and I, sole brother and sister, should
move on constantly diverging paths. Tell me - you are not really without some
kind of faith in my abilities?«