he might get the sooner
home, and tell the good news to Rosamond, and get cash at the bank to pay over
to Dover's agent, there crossed his mind, with an unpleasant impression, as from
a dark-winged flight of evil augury across his vision, the thought of that
contrast in himself which a few months had brought - that he should be overjoyed
at being under a strong personal obligation - that he should be overjoyed at
getting money for himself from Bulstrode.
    The banker felt that he had done something to nullify one cause of
uneasiness, and yet he was scarcely the easier. He did not measure the quantity
of diseased motive which had made him wish for Lydgate's goodwill, but the
quantity was none the less actively there, like an irritating agent in his
blood. A man vows, and yet will not cast away the means of breaking his vow. Is
it that he distinctly means to break it? Not at all; but the desires which tend
to break it are at work in him dimly, and make their way into his imagination,
and relax his muscles in the very moments when he is telling himself over again
the reasons for his vow. Raffles, recovering quickly, returning to the free use
of his odious powers - how could Bulstrode wish for that? Raffles dead was the
image that brought release, and indirectly he prayed for that way of release,
beseeching that, if it were possible, the rest of his days here below might be
freed from the threat of an ignominy which would break him utterly as an
instrument of God's service. Lydgate's opinion was not on the side of promise
that this prayer would be fulfilled; and as the day advanced, Bulstrode felt
himself getting irritated at the persistent life in this man, whom he would fain
have seen sinking into the silence of death: imperious will stirred murderous
impulses towards this brute life, over which will, by itself, had no power. He
said inwardly that he was getting too much worn; he would not sit up with the
patient to-night, but leave him to Mrs. Abel, who, if necessary, could call her
husband.
    At six o'clock, Raffles, having had only fitful perturbed snatches of sleep,
from which he waked with fresh restlessness and perpetual cries that he was
sinking away, Bulstrode began to administer the opium according to Lydgate's
directions. At the end of half an hour or more he called Mrs. Abel and told her
that he found himself unfit for further watching. He must now consign the
patient to