sometimes, perhaps, the butt of temper, through
all that was to come of my youth; while all that was gone had passed, to say the
least, not blissfully! my heart sunk one moment, then it revived; for though I
forced myself to realize evils, I think I was too prosaic to idealize, and
consequently to exaggerate them.
    »My doubt is whether I should have strength for the undertaking,« I
observed.
    »That is my own scruple,« said she; »for you look a worn-out creature?«
    So I did. I saw myself in the glass, in my mourning-dress, a faded,
hollow-eyed vision. Yet I thought little of the wan spectacle. The blight, I
believed, was chiefly external: I still felt life at life's sources.
    »What else have you in view - anything?«
    »Nothing clear as yet: but I may find something.«
    »So you imagine: perhaps you are right. Try your own method, then; and if it
does not succeed, test mine. The chance I have offered shall be left open to you
for three months.«
    This was kind. I told her so, and expressed my gratitude. While I was
speaking, a paroxysm of pain came on. I ministered to her; made the necessary
applications, according to her directions, and, by the time she was relieved, a
sort of intimacy was already formed between us. I, for my part, had learned from
the manner in which she bore this attack, that she was a firm, patient woman
(patient under physical pain, though sometimes perhaps excitable under long
mental canker); and she, from the good-will with which I succoured her,
discovered that she could influence my sympathies (such as they were). She sent
for me the next day; for five or six successive days she claimed my company.
Closer acquaintance, while it developed both faults and eccentricities, opened,
at the same time, a view of a character I could respect. Stern and even morose
as she sometimes was, I could wait on her and sit beside her with that calm
which always blesses us when we are sensible that our manners, presence,
contact, please and soothe the persons we serve. Even when she scolded me -
which she did, now and then, very tartly - it was in such a way as did not
humiliate, and left no sting; it was rather like an irascible mother rating her
daughter, than a harsh mistress lecturing a