through any
temptation - to become the successor of these poor girls, he would one day
regard me with the same feeling which now in his mind desecrated their memory. I
did not give utterance to this conviction: it was enough to feel it. I impressed
it on my heart, that it might remain there to serve me as aid in the time of
trial.
    »Now, Jane, why don't you say Well, sir? I have not done. You are looking
grave. You disapprove of me still, I see. But let me come to the point. Last
January, rid of all mistresses - in a harsh, bitter, frame of mind, the result
of a useless, roving, lonely life - corroded with disappointment, sourly
disposed against all men, and especially against all womankind. (for I began to
regard the notion of an intellectual, faithful, loving woman as a mere dream),
recalled by business, I came back to England.
    On a frosty winter afternoon, I rode in sight of Thornfield Hall. Abhorred
spot! I expected no peace - no pleasure there. On a stile in Hay-lane I saw a
quiet little figure sitting by itself. I passed it as negligently as I did the
pollard willow opposite to it: I had no presentiment of what it would be to me;
no inward warning that the arbitress of my life - my genius for good or evil -
waited there in humble guise. I did not know it, even when, on the occasion of
Mesrour's accident, it came up and gravely offered me help. Childish and slender
creature! It seemed as if a linnet had hopped to my foot and proposed to bear me
on its tiny wing. I was surly; but the thing would not go: it stood by me with
strange perseverance, and looked and spoke with a sort of authority. I must be
aided, and by that hand: and aided I was.
    When once I had pressed the frail shoulder, something new - a fresh sap and
sense - stole into my frame. It was well I had learnt that this elf must return
to me - that it belonged to my house down below - or I could not have felt it
pass away from under my hand, and seen it vanish behind the dim hedge, without
singular regret. I heard you come home that night, Jane: though probably you
were not aware that I thought of you, or watched for you. The next day I
observed you - myself unseen - for half an hour, while you played with Adèle