which, thus stinted of its
means, still lavishes all that it yet possesses on hospitality; and, what is yet
more flattering, on the wealth which, undiminished by these losses, still
continues, like the inexhaustible hoard of the generous Aboulcasem, to sustain,
without impoverishment, such copious drains. This querulous humour, however,
hath its limits, like to the conning of grievances, which all valetudinarians
know is a most fascinating pastime, so long as there is nothing to complain of
but chronic complaints. But I never heard a man whose credit was actually
verging to decay talk of the diminution of his funds; and my kind and
intelligent physician assures me, that it is a rare thing with those afflicted
with a good rousing fever, or any such active disorder, which
 
With mortal crisis doth portend
His life to appropinque an end,
 
to make their agonies the subject of amusing conversation.
Having deeply considered all these things, I am no longer able to disguise from
my readers that I am neither so unpopular nor so low in fortune as not to have
my share in the distresses which at present afflict the moneyed and landed
interests of these realms. Your authors who live upon a mutton-chop may rejoice
that it has fallen to threepence per pound, and if they have children, gratulate
themselves that the peck-loaf may be had for sixpence; but we who belong to the
tribe which is ruined by peace and plenty - we who have lands and beeves, and
sell what these poor gleaners must buy - we are driven to despair by the very
events which would make all Grub Street illuminate its attics, if Grub Street
could spare candle-ends for the purpose. I therefore put in my proud claim to
share in the distresses which only affect the wealthy; and write myself down,
with Dogberry, »a rich fellow enough,« but still »one who hath had losses.«
    With the same generous spirit of emulation, I have had lately recourse to
the universal remedy for the brief impecuniosity of which I complain - a brief
residence in a southern climate, by which I have not only saved many cart-loads
of coals, but have also had the pleasure to excite general sympathy for my
decayed circumstances among those who, if my revenue had continued to be spent
among them, would have cared little if I had been hanged. Thus, while I drink my
vin ordinaire, my brewer finds the sale of his small beer diminished - while I
discuss my flask of cinq francs, my modicum of port hangs on my wine-merchant's
hands - while my côtelette à