I bribed my imagination, and endeavoured
to persuade myself that my present unhappiness originated in a different source
from my former. All evils appeared trivial to me, in comparison of the
recollection and perpetuation of my parent misfortune. I felt like a man
distracted by the incoherence of my ideas to my present situation excluding from
it the machinations of Mr. Falkland, on the one hand; and on the other by the
horror I conceived at the bare possibility of again encountering his animosity,
after a suspension of many weeks, a suspension as I had hoped for ever. An
interval like this was an age to a person in the calamitous situation I had so
long experienced. But, in spite of my efforts, I could not banish from my mind
the dreadful idea. My original conceptions of the genius and perseverance of Mr.
Falkland had been such, that I could with difficulty think any thing impossible
to him. I knew not how to set up my own opinions of material causes and the
powers of the human mind as the limits of existence. Mr. Falkland had always
been to my imagination an object of wonder, and that which excites our wonder we
scarcely suppose ourselves competent to analyse.
    It may well be conceived, that one of the first persons to whom I applied
for an explanation of this dreadful mystery, was the accomplished Laura. My
disappointment here cut me to the heart. I was not prepared for it. I
recollected the ingenuousness of her nature, the frankness of her manners, the
partiality with which she had honoured me. If I were mortified with the
coldness, the ruggedness, and the cruel mistake of principles, with which the
village inhabitants repelled my enquiries, the mortification I suffered, only
drove me more impetuously to seek the cure of my griefs from this object of my
admiration. In Laura, said I, I am secure from these vulgar prejudices. I
confide in her justice. I am sure she will not cast me off unheard, nor without
strictly examining a question on all sides, in which every thing that is
valuable to a person she once esteemed, may be involved.
    Thus encouraging myself, I turned my steps to the place of her residence. As
I passed along, I called up all my recollection, I summoned my faculties. I may
be made miserable, said I, but it shall not be for want of any exertion of mine
that promises to lead to happiness. I will be clear, collected, simple in
narrative, ingenuous in communication. I will leave nothing unsaid that the case
may require. I will not volunteer any thing that