' the moral an' poleetical fetness o' things: the second is, when they happen to be, as it were, in a state of exceetabeelity, an' ye think ye can get a good price for your commodity, by flingin' in a leetle seasoning o' pheelanthropy an' republican speerit; the third is, when ye think ye can bully the menestry into gieing ye a place or a pansion to hau'd your din, an' in that case, ye point an attack against them within the pale o' the law; an' if they take nae heed o' ye, ye open a stronger fire; an' the less heed they take, the mair ye bawl; an' the mair factious ye grow, always within the pale o' the law, till they send a plenipotentiary to treat wi' ye for yoursel, an' then the mair popular ye happen to be, the better price ye fetch.
Squire Headlong. Off with your heeltaps.
Mr Cranium. I perfectly agree with Mr Mac Laurel in his definition of self-love and disinterestedness: every man's actions are determined by his peculiar views, and those views are determined by the organisation of his skull. A man in whom the organ of benevolence is not developed, cannot be benevolent: he in whom it is so, cannot be otherwise. The organ of self-love is prodigiously developed in the greater number of subjects that have fallen under my observation.
Mr Escot. Much less I presume, among savage than civilised men, who, constant only to the love of self, and consistent only in their aim to deceive, are always actuated by the hope of personal advantage, or by the dread of personal punishment[5.2].
Mr Cranium. Very probably.
Mr Escot. You have, of course, found very copious specimens of the organs of hypocrisy, destruction, and avarice.
Mr Cranium. Secretiveness, destructiveness, and covetiveness. You may add, if you please, that of constructiveness.
Mr Escot. Meaning, I presume, the organ of building; which I contend to be not a natural organ of the featherless biped.
Mr Cranium. Pardon me: it is here.—(As he said these words, he produced a skull from his pocket, and placed it on the table to the great surprise of the company.)—This was the skull of Sir Christopher Wren. You observe this protuberance—(The skull was handed round the table.)
Mr Escot. I contend that the original unsophisticated man was by no means constructive. He lived in