 alarm. When I
questioned him about this particular of his dress, his colour changed; and tho'
he attempted to elude my suspicion, by imputing it to a mistake of his servant,
I could not rest satisfied with this account of the matter, but inquired into
the truth with such eagerness and penetration, that he could not deny he had
been to make a visit; and, by degrees, I even extorted from him a confession,
that he had engaged himself farther than he ought to have proceeded, without
making me acquainted with his design, tho' he endeavoured to excuse his conduct,
and pacify my displeasure, by saying that the affair would not be brought to
bear for a great while, and perhaps might never come to a determination: but he
was in great confusion, and indeed hardly knew what he said.
    I would have quitted his house that moment, had not he, beforehand, obtained
a promise that I would take no rash resolution of that kind, and put it out of
my power to procure any method of conveyance by which I could make my retreat. I
gave no vent to reproaches, and only upbraided him with his having permitted me
to return in ignorance to the country, after I was once fairly gone: upon which
he swore that he could not bear the thoughts of parting with me. This
declaration was a mystery at that time, but I have been since so fully satisfied
of his reasons for his conduct, that I heartily acquit him of all injustice to
me. And indeed, it is my sincere opinion, that if ever a young man deserved to
be happy, he is certainly intitled to that privilege; and, if I may be allowed
to judge, has an heart susceptible of the most refined enjoyment.
    The violence of the grief and consternation which I suffered from this
stroke, having a little subsided, I deliberated with myself about the measures I
should take, and determined to leave his house some day when he should be
abroad. I was encouraged in this resolution by the advice of our Scotch friend,
who came about this time from London, on a visit to his fellow-traveller: we
thought such an abrupt departure would be less shocking than to stay and take a
formal leave of my lover, whose heart was of such a delicate frame, that after I
told him I should one day withdraw myself, in his absence, he never came home
from the chace, or any other avocation, without trembling with apprehension that
I had escaped.
    After he had been some time accustomed to these fears by my previous
intimation,
