, he accosted me very politely, and began to
expostulate upon the contents of my letter. I freely told him, that I had rashly
assented to his proposal, for my own convenience only; that when I reflected on
what I had done, I thought it ungenerous in me to live with him upon these
terms; and that, as I did not like him, and could not dissemble, such a
correspondence could never tend to the satisfaction of either. He allowed the
inference was just, though he was very much chagrined at my previous proceeding:
he relinquished his claim, restored my cloaths, and never afterwards upbraided
me with my conduct in this affair; though he at one time owned, that he still
loved me, and ever should, because I had used him ill; a declaration that
strongly marks the peculiarity of his character. As for my own part, I own that
my behaviour on this occasion, is no other way excusable, than on account of the
miserable perplexity of my circumstances, which were often so calamitous, that I
wonder I have not been compelled to take such steps, as would have rendered my
conduct much more exceptionable than it really is.
    At last, all my hopes were blasted by the issue of my suit, which was
determined in favour of my lord. Even then I refused to yield; on the contrary,
coming out of retirement, I took lodgings in Suffolk-street, and set my tyrant
at defiance. But, being unwilling to trust my doors to the care of other people,
I took an house in Conduit-street; and no sooner appeared in the world again,
than I was surrounded by divers and sundry sorts of admirers. I believe I
received the incense and addresses of all kinds under the sun, except that sort
which was most to my liking, a man capable of contracting and inspiring a mutual
attachment; but such a one is equally rare and inestimable: not but that I own
myself greatly obliged to all those who cultivated my good graces, though they
were very little beholden to me; for, where I did not really love, I could never
profess that passion: that sort of dissimulation is a slavery that no honest
nature will undergo. Except one worthy young man whom I sometimes saw, they were
a strange medley of insignificant beings; one was insipid, another ridiculously
affected, a third void of all education, a fourth altogether inconsistent; and
in short, I found as many trifling characters among the men, as ever I observed
in my own sex. Some of them I endeavoured to bring over
