
advise me to an accommodation. She gave him to understand, that her character
was neither doubtful nor obscure; and that if my conduct there had not been
irreproachable, she should not have taken me under her protection: that as I
proposed to board in a convent, a small sum would answer my occasions; but, if
that should be denied, I would actually go to service, or take some other
desperate step, to avoid the man who was my bane and aversion.
    To this kind remonstrance my father answered, that his fortune would not
allow him to assist me; he had now a young family; and that I ought, at all
events, to return to my husband. By this time, such was the extremity of my
circumstances, that I was forced to pawn my cloaths, and every trifling trinket
in my possession, and even to descend so far as to sollicit Mr. S- for a loan of
fifty pounds, which he refused.
    Thus was I deserted, in my distress, by two persons, to whom, in the season
of my affluence, my purse had been always open. Nothing so effectually subdues a
spirit unused to supplicate, as want: repulsed in this manner, I had recourse to
lord B-, who was also (it seems) unable to relieve my necessities. This
mortification I deserved at his hands, tho' he had once put it in my power to be
above all such paultry demands; and I should not have been compelled to the
disagreeable task of troubling my friends, had not I voluntarily resigned what
he formerly gave me. As to the other gentleman to whom I addressed myself, on
this occasion, I think he might have shewn more regard to my application, not
only for the reasons already mentioned, but because he knew me too well to be
ignorant of what I must have suffered, in condescending to make such a request.
    Several officers, who guess'd my adversity, generously offered to supply me
with money; but I could not bring myself to make use of their friendship, or
even to own my distress, except to one person, of whom I borrowed a small sum.
To crown my misfortunes, I was taken very ill, at a time when there was no other
way of avoiding the clutches of my persecutor, but by a precipitate flight. In
this emergency, I applied to a worthy gentleman of Brussels, a very good friend
of mine, but no lover. I say no lover, because every man is supposed to act in
that capacity who befriends a young woman in distress
