 him know how sensible I was of my own incapacity to retrieve
his lost affections; but that I was willing (if possible) to retain his esteem,
of which, could I be assured, I would endeavour to compose myself; that I was
determined to leave the kingdom, because I could not bear the sight of those
places where we had been so happy in our mutual love; and that, till my
departure, I hoped he would visit me sometimes, that I might, by degrees, wean
myself from his company; for, I should not be able to survive the shock of being
deprived of him all at once.
    This address may seem very humble to an unconcerned observer; but love will
tame the proudest disposition, as plainly appeared in my case; for I had
naturally as much spirit, or more, than the generality of people have. Mr. S--
was so much confounded at the manner of my behaviour, that he scarce knew what
answer to make; for (as he afterwards owned) he expected to hear himself
upbraided; but he was not proof against my tenderness. After some hesitation, he
said he never meant to forsake me intirely, that his affection was still
unimpaired, and that he would follow me directly to London. I imposed upon
myself, and believed what he said, because I could not bear to think of parting
with him for ever, and returned to town in a more tranquil state of mind than
that in which I had left my father, though my heart was far from being at ease;
my fears being ingenious enough to foresee, that I should never be able to
overcome his indifference.
    I took lodgings in Mount-street, and my maid having disposed of herself in
marriage, hired another, who supplied her place very much to my satisfaction;
she was a good girl, had a particular attachment to me, and for many years,
during which she lived in my service, was indefatigably assiduous in
contributing to my ease, or rather, in alleviating my affliction: for, though
S-- came up to town according to promise, and renewed a sort of correspondence
with me for the space of five months, his complaisance would extend no farther;
and he gave me to understand, that he had determined to go abroad with Mr. V--,
whom he accordingly accompanied in his envoyship to D--n.
    I understood the real cause of this expedition, which, notwithstanding his
oaths and protestations of unabated love and regard, I construed into a palpable
mark of dislike and disrespect; nor could
