 raptures which are felt
by every woman perfectly satisfied with herself and with the behaviour of others
towards her: I was, when very young, promoted to be maid of honour to her
majesty. The court was frequented by a young nobleman whose beauty was the chief
subject of conversation in all assemblies of ladies. The delicacy of his person,
added to a great softness in his manner, gave everything he said and did such an
air of tenderness, that every woman he spoke to flattered herself with being the
object of his love. I was one of those who was vain enough of my own charms to
hope to make a conquest of him whom the whole court sighed for. I now thought
every other object below my notice; yet the only pleasure I proposed to myself
in this design was, the triumphing over that heart which I plainly saw all the
ladies of the highest quality and the greatest beauty would have been proud of
possessing. I was yet too young to be very artful; but nature, without any
assistance, soon discovers to a man who is used to gallantry a woman's desire to
be liked by him, whether that desire arises from any particular choice she makes
of him, or only from vanity. He soon perceived my thoughts, and gratified my
utmost wishes by constantly preferring me before all other women, and exerting
his utmost gallantry and address to engage my affections. This sudden happiness,
which I then thought the greatest I could have had, appeared visible in all my
actions; I grew so gay and so full of vivacity, that it made my person appear
still to a better advantage, all my acquaintance pretending to be fonder of me
than ever: though, young as I was, I plainly saw it was but pretence, for
through all their endeavours to the contrary envy would often break forth in sly
insinuations and malicious sneers, which gave me fresh matter of triumph, and
frequent opportunities of insulting them, which I never let slip, for now first
my female heart grew sensible of the spiteful pleasure of seeing another
languish for what I enjoyed. Whilst I was in the height of my happiness her
majesty fell ill of a languishing distemper, which obliged her to go into the
country for the change of air: my place made it necessary for me to attend her,
and which way he brought it about I can't imagine, but my young hero found means
to be one of that small train that waited on my royal mistress, although she
went as privately as possible. Hitherto all the interviews I had ever had with
him were in public, and
