 or avowal. The more she strove with her difficulty, the less able
Adela felt herself to ask Mrs. Rodman to come or to mention her to Stella. The
trouble spoilt her enjoyment of a concert that evening, and kept her restless in
the night; for, though seemingly a small matter, it had vital connection with
the core of her life's problem; it forced her relentlessly to a consciousness of
many things from which she had taught herself to avert her eyes.
    Another thing there was which caused her anxious debate - a project which
had been in her mind for nearly a year. You will not imagine that Adela had
forgotten the letter from Mrs. Clay. The knowledge it brought her made the
turning-point of her life. No word on the subject passed between her and Mutimer
after the conversation which ended in her fainting-fit. The letter he retained,
and the course he had chosen made it advisable that he should pay no heed to its
request for assistance. Adela remembered the address of the writer, and made a
note of it, but it was impossible to reply. Her state of mind after overhearing
the conversation between Richard and his sister was such that she durst not even
take the step of privately sending money, lest her husband should hear of it and
it should lead to further question. She felt that, hard as it was to live with
that secret, to hear Mutimer repeat his calumnies would involve her in yet worse
anguish, leading perhaps to terrible things; for, on her return to the house
that night, she suffered a revelation of herself which held her almost mute for
the following days. In her heart there fought passions of which she had not
known herself capable; above all a scorn so fierce, that had she but opened her
lips it must have uttered itself. That she lived down by the aid of many strange
expedients; but she formed a purpose, which seemed indeed nothing less than a
duty, to use the opportunity of her first visit to London to seek for means of
helping Emma Vine and her sister. Her long illness had not weakened this
resolve; but now that she was in London the difficulties of carrying it out
proved insuperable. She had always imagined herself procuring the services of
some agent, but what agent was at hand? She might go herself to the address she
had noted, but it was to incur a danger too great even for the end in view. If
Mutimer heard of such a visit - and she had no means of assuring herself that
communication between him and those people did not still exist
