 from me now. And yet,
that I must and would confess, that, could I have restored her to what she had
appeared to me before, I would infinitely prefer any increase of the pain of
parting, for the sake of carrying with me the right of tenderness and esteem.
This is what I said - the purport of it - but, as you may imagine, not spoken so
collectedly or methodically as I have repeated it to you. She was astonished,
exceedingly astonished - more than astonished. I saw her change countenance. She
turned extremely red. I imagined I saw a mixture of many feelings - a great,
though short struggle - half a wish of yielding to truths, half a sense of shame
- but habit, habit carried it. She would have laughed if she could. It was a
sort of laugh, as she answered, A pretty good lecture upon my word. Was it part
of your last sermon? At this rate, you will soon reform every body at Mansfield
and Thornton Lacey; and when I hear of you next, it may be as a celebrated
preacher in some great society of Methodists, or as a missionary into foreign
parts. She tried to speak carelessly; but she was not so careless as she wanted
to appear. I only said in reply, that from my heart I wished her well, and
earnestly hoped that she might soon learn to think more justly, and not owe the
most valuable knowledge we could any of us acquire - the knowledge of ourselves
and of our duty, to the lessons of affliction - and immediately left the room. I
had gone a few steps, Fanny, when I heard the door open behind me. Mr. Bertram,
said she. I looked back. Mr. Bertram, said she, with a smile - but it was a
smile ill-suited to the conversation that had passed, a saucy playful smile,
seeming to invite, in order to subdue me; at least, it appeared so to me. I
resisted; it was the impulse of the moment to resist, and still walked on. I
have since - sometimes - for a moment - regretted that I did not go back; but I
know I was right; and such has been the end of our acquaintance! And what an
acquaintance has it been! How have I been deceived! Equally in brother and
sister deceived! I thank you for your patience, Fanny. This has been the
greatest relief, and now we will have done.«
    And such was Fanny's dependance on his words, that for
