, dear Miss Melford! -
you are going to be removed, I know not whither! what shall I do? which way
shall I turn for consolation? I know not what I say - all night long have I been
tossed in a sea of doubts and fears, uncertainty and distraction, without being
able to connect my thoughts, much less to form any consistent plan of conduct -
I was even tempted to wish that I had never seen you; or that you had been less
amiable, or less compassionate to your poor Wilson; and yet it would be
detestable ingratitude in me to form such a wish, considering how much I am
indebted to your goodness, and the ineffable pleasure I have derived from your
indulgence and approbation - Good God! I never heard your name mentioned without
emotion! the most distant prospect of being admitted to your company, filled my
whole soul with a kind of pleasing alarm! as the time approached, my heart beat
with redoubled force, and every nerve thrilled with a transport of expectation;
but, when I found myself actually in your presence; - when I heard you speak; -
when I saw you smile; when I beheld your charming eyes turned favourably upon
me; my breast was filled with such tumults of delight, as wholly deprived me of
the power of utterance, and wrapt me in a delirium of joy! - encouraged by your
sweetness of temper and affability, I ventured to describe the feelings of my
heart - even then you did not check my presumption - you pitied my sufferings,
and gave me leave to hope - you put a favourable - perhaps too favourable a
construction, on my appearance - certain it is, I am no player in love - I speak
the language of my own heart; and have no prompter but nature. - Yet there is
something in this heart, which I have not yet disclosed - I flattered myself -
But, I will not - I must not proceed - Dear Miss Liddy! for Heaven's sake,
contrive, if possible, some means of letting me speak to you before you leave
Gloucester; otherwise, I know not what will - But I begin to rave again - I will
endeavour to bear this trial with fortitude - while I am capable of reflecting
upon your tenderness and truth, I surely have no cause to despair - yet I am
strangely affected. The sun seems to deny me light - a cloud hangs over me, and
there is a dreadful weight upon my spirits! While you stay in this place, I
shall continually hover about your lodgings, as the parted soul is
