 whom I now saw, succeeded to the privilege of a fortunate
lover: I knew he loved me to madness; but I would not gratify his passion any
other way than by the most profound esteem and veneration for his virtues, which
were altogether amiable and sublime; and I would here draw his character
minutely, but it wou'd take up too much time to set forth his merits; the only
man living of my acquaintance who resembles him is lord F-, of whom I shall
speak in the sequel.
    About this time, I underwent a very interesting change in the situation of
my heart. I had sent a message to my old lover S--, desiring he would allow my
picture, which was in his possession, to be copied; and he now transmitted it to
me by my lawyer, whom he directed to ask, if I intended to be at the next
masquerade. This curiosity had a strange effect upon my spirits; my heart
fluttered at the question, and my imagination glowed with a thousand fond
presages. I answered in the affirmative, and we met by accident at the ball. I
could not behold him without emotion; when he accosted me, his well-known voice
made my heart vibrate, like a musical chord, when its unison is struck. All the
ideas of our past love, which the lapse of time and absence had enfeebled and
lulled asleep, now awoke, and were re-inspired by his appearance; so that his
artful excuses were easily admitted: I forgave him all that I had suffered on
his account, because he was the natural lord of my affection; and our former
correspondence was renewed.
    I thought myself in a new world of bliss, in consequence of this
reconciliation, the raptures of which continued unimpaired for the space of four
months, during which time he was fonder of me, if possible, than before,
repeated his promise of marriage, if we should ever have it in our power;
assured me he had never been happy since he left me; that he believed no woman
had ever loved like me: and indeed, to have a notion of my passion for that man,
you must first have loved as I did: but, through a strange caprice, I broke off
the correspondence, out of apprehension that he would forsake me again. From his
past conduct, I dreaded what might happen; and the remembrance of what I had
undergone by his inconstancy, filled my imagination with such horror, that I
could not endure the shocking prospect, and prematurely plunged myself into the
danger, rather than endure
