 little deity; I could not help recalling to my remembrance the
fond, the ravishing moments I had passed with S-; and had I understood the
conditions of life, those pleasures were happily exchanged for my present
situation, because, if I was now deprived of those rapturous enjoyments, I was
also exempted from the cares and anxiety that attended them; but I was generally
extravagant in my notions of happiness, and therefore construed my present
tranquillity into an insipid languor and stagnation of life.
    While I remained in this inactivity of sentiment, lord -- having received a
very considerable addition to his fortune, sent a message to me, promising, that
if I would leave lord B-, he would make me a present of an house and furniture,
where I should live at my ease, without being exposed to his visits, except when
I should be disposed to receive them. This proposal he made, in consequence of
what I had always declared, namely, that if he had not reduced me to the
necessity of putting myself under the protection of some person or other, by
depriving me of any other means of subsistence, I should never have given the
world the least cause to scandalize my reputation; and that I would withdraw
myself from my present dependance, as soon as he should enable me to live by
myself. I was therefore resolved to be as good as my word, and accepted his
offer, on condition that I should be wholly at my own disposal, and that he
should never enter my door but as a visitant or common friend.
    These articles being sanctioned by his word and honour (the value of which I
did not then know) an house was furnished according to my directions; and I
signified my intention to lord B-, who consented to my removal, with this
proviso, that I should continue to see him. I wrote also to his relation Mr. B-,
who, in his answer, observed, that it was too late to advise when I was actually
determined. All my friends and acquaintance approved of the scheme, tho' it was
one of the most unjustifiable steps I had ever taken, being a real act of
ingratitude to my benefactor; which I soon did, and always shall regret and
condemn. So little is the world qualified to judge of private affairs!
    When the time of our parting drew near, lord B- became gloomy and
discontented, and even intreated me to postpone my resolution; but I told him,
that now every thing was prepared for my reception, I could not retract without
incurring the imputation of folly
