! was not that her own doing too? Who
had been at pains to give Harriet notions of self-consequence but herself? - Who
but herself had taught her, that she was to elevate herself if possible, and
that her claims were great to a high worldly establishment? - If Harriet, from
being humble, were grown vain, it was her doing too.
 

                                  Chapter XII.

Till now that she was threatened with its loss, Emma had never known how much of
her happiness depended on being first with Mr. Knightley, first in interest and
affection. - Satisfied that it was so, and feeling it her due, she had enjoyed
it without reflection; and only in the dread of being supplanted, found how
inexpressibly important it had been. - Long, very long, she felt she had been
first; for, having no female connexions of his own, there had been only Isabella
whose claims could be compared with hers, and she had always known exactly how
far he loved and esteemed Isabella. She had herself been first with him for many
years past. She had not deserved it; she had often been negligent or perverse,
slighting his advice, or even wilfully opposing him, insensible of half his
merits, and quarrelling with him because he would not acknowledge her false and
insolent estimate of her own - but still, from family attachment and habit, and
thorough excellence of mind, he had loved her, and watched over her from a girl,
with an endeavour to improve her, and an anxiety for her doing right, which no
other creature had at all shared. In spite of all her faults, she knew she was
dear to him; might she not say, very dear? - When the suggestions of hope,
however, which must follow here, presented themselves, she could not presume to
indulge them. Harriet Smith might think herself not unworthy of being
peculiarly, exclusively, passionately loved by Mr. Knightley. She could not. She
could not flatter herself with any idea of blindness in his attachment to her.
She had received a very recent proof of its impartiality. - How shocked had he
been by her behaviour to Miss Bates! How directly, how strongly had he expressed
himself to her on the subject! - Not too strongly for the offence - but far, far
too strongly to issue from any feeling softer than upright justice and
clear-sighted good will. - She had no hope, nothing to deserve the name of hope,
that he could have that sort of affection for herself which was now in question;
but there was a hope
