 I allowed myself most improperly to put off, from day to
day, the moment of doing it, from an unwillingness to enter into an engagement
while my circumstances were so greatly embarrassed. I will not reason here - nor
will I stop for you to expatiate on the absurdity, and the worse than absurdity,
of scrupling to engage my faith where my honour was already bound. The event has
proved, that I was a cunning fool, providing with great circumspection for a
possible opportunity of making myself contemptible and wretched for ever. At
last, however, my resolution was taken, and I had determined, as soon as I could
engage her alone, to justify the attentions I had so invariably paid her, and
openly assure her of an affection which I had already taken such pains to
display. But in the interim - in the interim of the very few hours that were to
pass, before I could have an opportunity of speaking with her in private - a
circumstance occurred - an unlucky circumstance, to ruin all my resolution, and
with it all my comfort. A discovery took place,« - here he hesitated and looked
down. - »Mrs. Smith had somehow or other been informed, I imagine by some
distant relation, whose interest it was to deprive me of her favour, of an
affair, a connection - but I need not explain myself farther,« he added, looking
at her with an heightened colour and an inquiring eye, - »your particular
intimacy - you have probably heard the whole story long ago.«
    »I have,« returned Elinor, colouring likewise, and hardening her heart anew
against any compassion for him, »I have heard it all. And how you will explain
away any part of your guilt in that dreadful business, I confess is beyond my
comprehension.«
    »Remember,« cried Willoughby, »from whom you received the account. Could it
be an impartial one? I acknowledge that her situation and her character ought to
have been respected by me. I do not mean to justify myself, but at the same time
cannot leave you to suppose that I have nothing to urge - that because she was
injured she was irreproachable, and because I was a libertine, she must be a
saint. If the violence of her passions, the weakness of her understanding - I do
not mean, however, to defend myself. Her affection for me deserved better
treatment, and I often, with great self-reproach, recal the tenderness which,
for a very short time, had the power of creating any return. I wish -
