 Fate is mine! I voluntarily depart, and I go where I must be miserable, since I leave those whose Sight and Converse made the Whole of my Enjoyment. That which doubles my Unhappiness is partly to suspect that I have been guilty; is it any Alleviation, that I had no Knowledge of my Fault; and that I now fly from it, on the first Notice?
Your
Arabella,
my
Hammy,
I begin to fear that I loved your
Arabella.
Alas! I, feel that I still love her, and that I must love her during Life. I loved her, indeed, with a Tenderness full of infinite Respect; but the Pangs I suffer, at Parting, give me, also, to understand that I loved her with infinite Passion.
Ah, fond and foolish Passion! that could neither hope, nor wish, nor even accept of any Kind of Gratification, save the Sight and Society of the Object of its Ardour. No, most amiable of Men! were it possible for your
Arabella
to stray, but in Thought from her Truth, from her Duty, from her Tenderness to you, I could have loved her no longer. She would have lost that Seraphic Excellence, that more than mortal Purity, for which I almost adored her; which gave a sweet Apology to my Heart for its Affection; and betrayed me into a Persuasion that I loved her no more than I ought.
I am jealous for you, my Friend, I am jealous of myself, in your dearer Behalf; and I will amply avenge you on the injurious and hapless
Longfield.
Ah, let no Man henceforward, confide to his own Strength. I daily beheld your
Arabella;
I daily conversed with her; but I saw not my Danger; I, therefore, did not resist the Current that drew me beyond my Depth. The Gracefullness of her Motions, the Sound of her Voice, and the Loveliness of her Aspect, hourly sunk upon my Soul, with an intoxicating Delight; and I wished, and was solicitous to become pleasing in her Eyes, at the Time that I would have taken the Life of any Man, who had attempted to deprive you of your smallest Right in her Affections.
My Confession has been full, and reaches the utmost of my Faults; but, from what a Dream of Delight has it suddenly awaked me! How blessed have I been with my
Hammy
and his
Arabella!
how happy were we in eachother, surpassing the Lot of Mortality! Enchanting Sensations! Ye are departed for ever; and all the future Portion, that ye leave me,
