 Tidings concerning you, yet a certain native Bashfulness and fear of offending against Decency, did not permit me to enquire after you.
Thus a Length of Absence, and a Variety of Dissipations by Degrees greatly abated the Ardour of my Passion, insomuch that I did not seem to feel any more for you. When any Occasion, however, renewed in me the Impression of former Scenes, a thrilling Sort of Chilness would run through my Blood. And, at other Times, when alone and thinking of you, a swimming kind of Stupor would fall sadly upon my Soul.
On our Return to
London
after five Years Absence, the great Number of People, with the Novelty and Variety of Objects that crowded upon my View, amused and engaged my whole Attention. But, when we entered the old Mansion; when I turned my Eyes on the Places where you sat, where you walked, where you talked and used to caress me, you became as it were actually visible to my Eyes; something seemed to wring my Heart, and I was seized with a Sickness near to Fainting. I took hold of my Maid by the Arm, and with her Help walked into the Garden for fresh Air; but there too you had got before me, on the Terrace, in the Walks and Alleys, where you used to run feigned Races with me, and to gather Fruit for me, and to play with me at bob Cherry, and afterward to press the Lips that had gained the Prize. I then turned away from a Place that afforded me no Asylum from you. My Mother met and eagerly asked what ailed me; let us go, Mama, I cried, let us go some where else, I am not able to stay in this Place any longer. Accordingly, that very Evening we removed to Lodgings; and, in a few Days, my Dada took and furnished a new House.
I shall not dwell, my dear Sir, on a trivial Detail of the many Circumstances and little Incidents that happened during the Space of four succeeding Years. An Infinity of Suitors paid their Addresses to me or my Fortune, I neither knew nor cared to which, for I continued alike insensible to all. It is true that during such a Number of Years, having neither seen nor heard from you, I dropt all Thoughts of you, and scarce retained the Traces or Lineaments of your Person or Aspect. From the Impression however which you left in my Mind, I had formed to myself a dear though confused Image of the Lovely, of the Desirable, and this I looked for every
