 a power over surnames; -
but for very strong reasons, which he could give, it had never yet adventured,
he would say, to go a step further.
    It was observable, that tho' my father, in consequence of this opinion, had,
as I have told you, the strongest likings and dislikings towards certain names;
- that there were still numbers of names which hung so equally in the balance
before him, that they were absolutely indifferent to him. Jack, Dick, and Tom
were of this class: These my father call'd neutral names; -affirming of them,
without a satyr, That there had been as many knaves and fools, at least, as wise
and good men, since the world began, who had indifferently borne them; - so
that, like equal forces acting against each other in contrary directions, he
thought they mutually destroyed each others effects; for which reason, he would
often declare, He would not give a cherry-stone to choose amongst them. Bob,
which was my brother's name, was another of these neutral kinds of Christian
names, which operated very little either way; and as my father happen'd to be at
Epsom, when it was given him, - he would oft times thank heaven it was no worse.
Andrew was something like a negative quantity in Algebra with him; - 'twas
worse, he said, than nothing. - William stood pretty high: - Numps again was low
with him; - and Nick, he said, was the DEVIL.
    But, of all the names in the universe, he had the most unconquerable
aversion for TRISTRAM; - he had the lowest and most contemptible opinion of it
of any thing in the world, - thinking it could possibly produce nothing in rerum
naturâ, but what was extreamly mean and pitiful: So that in the midst of a
dispute on the subject, in which, by the bye, he was frequently involved, -- he
would sometimes break off in a sudden and spirited EPIPHONEMA, or rather
EROTESIS, raised a third, and sometimes a full fifth, above the key of the
discourse, -- and demand it categorically of his antagonist, Whether he would
take upon him to say, he had ever remember'd, -- whether he had ever read, - or
even whether he had ever heard tell of a man, call'd Tristram, performing any
thing great or worth recording? - No -, he would say, - TRISTRAM! - The thing is
impossible.
    What could be wanting in my
