 in man, by my great grandfather's nose, I mean the external
organ of smelling, or that part of man which stands prominent in his face, and -
which painters say, in good jolly noses and well-proportioned faces, should
comprehend a full third, - that is, measuring downwards from the setting on of
the hair. --
    -- What a life of it has an author, at this pass!
 

                                  Chap. XXXIV.

It is a singular blessing, that nature has form'd the mind of man with the same
happy backwardness and renitency against conviction, which is observed in old
dogs, -- »of not learning new tricks.«
    What a shuttlecock of a fellow would the greatest philosopher that ever
existed, be whisk'd into at once, did he read such books, and observe such
facts, and think such thoughts, as would eternally be making him change sides!
    Now, my father, as I told you last year, detested all this. - He pick'd up
an opinion, Sir, as a man in a state of nature picks up an apple. - It becomes
his own, - and if he is a man of spirit, he would lose his life rather than give
it up. --
    I am aware that Didius, the great civilian, will contest this point; and cry
out against me, Whence comes this man's right to this apple? ex confesso, he
will say, -- things were in a state of nature. - The apple, as much Frank's
apple, as John's. Pray, Mr. Shandy, what patent has he to shew for it? and how
did it begin to be his? was it, when he set his heart upon it? or when he
gather'd it? or when he chew'd it? or when he roasted it? or when he peel'd? or
when he brought it home? or when he digested? -- or when he -- ? --. For 'tis
plain, Sir, if the first picking up of the apple, made it not his, -- that no
subsequent act could.
    Brother Didius, Tribonius will answer, - (now Tribonius the civilian and
church lawyer's beard being three inches and half and three eighths longer than
Didius his beard, - I'm glad he takes up the cudgels for me, so I give myself no
further trouble about the answer.) - Brother Didius, Tribonius will say, it is a
decreed case,
