 of courage, he considered, would be
obliged to desert the colors and scurry like chickens. He would appear as one of
them. They would be sullen brothers in distress and he could then easily believe
he had not run any further or faster than they. And if he himself could believe
in his virtuous perfection, he conceived that there would be small trouble in
convincing all others.
    He said, as if in excuse for this hope, that previously the army had
encountered great defeats and in a few months had shaken off all blood and
tradition of them, emerging as bright and valiant as a new one; thrusting out of
sight the memory of disaster and appearing with the valor and confidence of
unconquered legions. The shrilling voices of the people at home would pipe
dismally for a time but various generals were usually compelled to listen to
these ditties. He of course felt no compunctions for proposing a general as a
sacrifice. He could not tell who the chosen for the barbs might be, so he could
centre no direct sympathy upon him. The people were afar and he did not conceive
public opinion to be accurate at long range. It was quite probable they would
hit the wrong man who after he had recovered from his amazement would perhaps
spend the rest of his days in writing replies to the songs of his alleged
failure. It would be very unfortunate, no doubt, but in this case, a general was
of no consequence to the youth.
    In a defeat there would be a roundabout vindication of himself. He thought
it would prove, in a manner, that he had fled early because of his superior
powers of perception. A serious prophet, upon predicting a flood, should be the
first man to climb a tree. This would demonstrate that he was indeed a seer.
    A moral vindication was regarded by the youth as a very important thing.
Without salve, he could not, he thought, wear the sore badge of his dishonor
through life. With his heart continually assuring him that he was despicable, he
could not exist without making it, through his actions, apparent to all men.
    If the army had gone gloriously on, he would be lost. If the din meant that
now his army's flags were tilted forward he was a condemned wretch. He would be
compelled to doom himself to isolation. If the men were advancing, their
indifferent feet were trampling upon his chances for a successful life.
    As these thoughts went rapidly through his mind, he turned upon them and
tried to thrust them away. He denounced himself as a villain. He said that he
was the
