
to; also, she felt bashful about walking up to him and letting him know that she
was there, though it was her hunger to speak to him which had set her
imagination on constructing this chance of finding him, and had made her hurry
down, as birds hover near the water which they dare not drink. Always uneasily
dubious about his opinion of her, she felt a peculiar anxiety to-day, lest he
might think of her with contempt, as one triumphantly conscious of being
Grandcourt's wife, the future lady of this domain. It was her habitual effort
now to magnify the satisfactions of her pride, on which she nourished her
strength; but somehow Deronda's being there disturbed them all. There was not
the faintest touch of coquetry in the attitude of her mind towards him: he was
unique to her among men, because he had impressed her as being not her admirer
but her superior: in some mysterious way he was becoming a part of her
conscience, as one woman whose nature is an object of reverential belief may
become a new conscience to a man.
    And now he would not look round and find out that she was there! The paper
crackled in his hand, his head rose and sank, exploring those stupid columns,
and he was evidently stroking his beard, as if this world were a very easy
affair to her. Of course all the rest of the company would soon be down, and the
opportunity of her saying something to efface her flippancy of the evening
before, would be quite gone. She felt sick with irritation - so fast do young
creatures like her absorb misery through invisible suckers of their own fancies
- and her face had gathered that peculiar expression which comes with a
mortification to which tears are forbidden.
    At last he threw down the paper and turned round.
    »Oh, you are there already,« he said, coming forward a step or two; »I must
go and put on my coat.«
    He turned aside and walked out of the room. This was behaving quite badly.
Mere politeness would have made him stay to exchange some words before leaving
her alone. It was true that Grandcourt came in with Sir Hugo immediately after,
so that the words must have been too few to be worth anything. As it was, they
saw him walking from the library door.
    »A - you look rather ill,« said Grandcourt, going straight up to her,
standing in front of her, and looking into her eyes. »Do you feel equal to the
walk?«
    »Yes, I shall like it
