 proceeds of his practice
immediately absorbed in paying back-debts, and with the chance, if the worst
were known, of daily supplies being refused on credit, above all with the vision
of Rosamond's hopeless discontent continually haunting him, Lydgate had begun to
see that he should inevitably bend himself to ask help from somebody or other.
At first he had considered whether he should write to Mr. Vincy; but on
questioning Rosamond he found that, as he had suspected, she had already applied
twice to her father, the last time being since the disappointment from Sir
Godwin; and papa had said that Lydgate must look out for himself. »Papa said he
had come, with one bad year after another, to trade more and more on borrowed
capital, and had had to give up many indulgences: he could not spare a single
hundred from the charges of his family. He said, let Lydgate ask Bulstrode: they
have always been hand and glove.«
    Indeed, Lydgate himself had come to the conclusion that if he must end by
asking for a free loan, his relations with Bulstrode, more at least than with
any other man, might take the shape of a claim which was not purely personal.
Bulstrode had indirectly helped to cause the failure of his practice, and had
also been highly gratified by getting a medical partner in his plans: - but who
among us ever reduced himself to the sort of dependence in which Lydgate now
stood, without trying to believe that he had claims which diminished the
humiliation of asking? It was true that of late there had seemed to be a new
languor of interest in Bulstrode about the Hospital; but his health had got
worse, and showed signs of a deep-seated nervous affection. In other respects he
did not appear to be changed: he had always been highly polite, but Lydgate had
observed in him from the first a marked coldness about his marriage and other
private circumstances, a coldness which he had hitherto preferred to any warmth
of familiarity between them. He deferred the intention from day to day, his
habit of acting on his conclusions being made infirm by his repugnance to every
possible conclusion and its consequent act. He saw Mr. Bulstrode often, but he
did not try to use any occasion for his private purpose. At one moment he
thought, »I will write a letter: I prefer that to any circuitous talk;« at
another he thought, »No; if I were talking to him, I could make a retreat before
any signs of disinclination.«
    Still the days passed and no letter was written,
