. I convicted you
of confessing that you are melancholy.«
    »Yes!« said Felix, thrusting his left hand into his pocket, with a shrug;
»as I could confess to a great many other things I'm not proud of. The fact is,
there are not many easy lots to be drawn in the world at present; and such as
they are I am not envious of them. I don't say life is not worth having: it is
worth having to a man who has some sparks of sense and feeling and bravery in
him. And the finest fellow of all would be the one who could be glad to have
lived because the world was chiefly miserable, and his life had come to help
some one who needed it. He would be the man who had the most powers and the
fewest selfish wants. But I'm not up to the level of what I see to be best. I'm
often a hungry discontented fellow.«
    »Why have you made life so hard then?« said Esther, rather frightened as she
asked the question. »It seems to me you have tried to find just the most
difficult task.«
    »Not at all,« said Felix, with curt decision. »My course was a very simple
one. It was pointed out to me by conditions that I saw as clearly as I see the
bars of this stile. It's a difficult stile too,« added Felix, striding over.
»Shall I help you, or will you be left to yourself?«
    »I can do without help, thank you.«
    »It was all simple enough,« continued Felix, as they walked on. »If I meant
to put a stop to the sale of those drugs, I must keep my mother, and of course
at her age she would not leave the place she had been used to. And I had made up
my mind against what they call genteel businesses.«
    »But suppose every one did as you do? Please to forgive me for saying so;
but I cannot see why you could not have lived as honourably with some employment
that presupposes education and refinement.«
    »Because you can't see my history or my nature,« said Felix, bluntly. »I
have to determine for myself, and not for other men. I don't blame them, or
think I am better than they; their circumstances are different. I would never
choose to withdraw myself from the labour and common burthen of the world; but I
do choose to
