 up at Mrs. Pocket as she sat reading her book
of dignities after prescribing Bed as a sovereign remedy for baby, I thought -
Well - No, I wouldn't.
 

                                 Chapter XXXIV

As I had grown accustomed to my expectations, I had insensibly begun to notice
their effect upon myself and those around me. Their influence on my own
character I disguised from my recognition as much as possible, but I knew very
well that it was not all good. I lived in a state of chronic uneasiness
respecting my behaviour to Joe. My conscience was not by any means comfortable
about Biddy. When I woke up in the night - like Camilla - I used to think, with
a weariness on my spirits, that I should have been happier and better if I had
never seen Miss Havisham's face, and had risen to manhood content to be partners
with Joe in the honest old forge. Many a time of an evening, when I sat alone
looking at the fire, I thought, after all, there was no fire like the forge fire
and the kitchen fire at home.
    Yet Estella was so inseparable from all my restlessness and disquiet of
mind, that I really fell into confusion as to the limits of my own part in its
production. That is to say, supposing I had had no expectations, and yet had had
Estella to think of, I could not make out to my satisfaction that I should have
done much better. Now, concerning the influence of my position on others, I was
in no such difficulty, and so I perceived - though dimly enough perhaps - that
it was not beneficial to anybody, and, above all, that it was not beneficial to
Herbert. My lavish habits led his easy nature into expenses that he could not
afford, corrupted the simplicity of his life, and disturbed his peace with
anxieties and regrets. I was not at all remorseful for having unwittingly set
those other branches of the Pocket family to the poor arts they practised:
because such littlenesses were their natural bent, and would have been evoked by
anybody else, if I had left them slumbering. But Herbert's was a very different
case, and it often caused me a twinge to think that I had done him evil service
in crowding his sparely-furnished chambers with incongruous upholstery work, and
placing the canary-breasted Avenger at his disposal.
    So now, as an infallible way of making little ease great ease, I began to
contract a quantity of debt. I could hardly begin but Herbert must begin too, so
he soon followed. At Startop's suggestion,
