 to seek, resolutely, the true and indestructible
value that lay hidden in the petty and wearisome incidents, and ordinary
characters, with which I was now conversant. The fault was mine. The page of
life that was spread out before me seemed dull and commonplace, only because I
had not fathomed its deeper import. A better book than I shall ever write was
there; leaf after leaf presenting itself to me, just as it was written out by
the reality of the flitting hour, and vanishing as fast as written, only because
my brain wanted the insight and my hand the cunning to transcribe it. At some
future day, it may be, I shall remember a few scattered fragments and broken
paragraphs, and write them down, and find the letters turn to gold upon the
page.
    These perceptions have come too late. At the instant, I was only conscious
that what would have been a pleasure once was now a hopeless toil. There was no
occasion to make much moan about this state of affairs. I had ceased to be a
writer of tolerably poor tales and essays, and had become a tolerably good
Surveyor of the Customs. That was all. But, nevertheless, it is any thing but
agreeable to be haunted by a suspicion that one's intellect is dwindling away;
or exhaling, without your consciousness, like ether out of a phial; so that, at
every glance, you find a smaller and less volatile residuum. Of the fact, there
could be no doubt; and, examining myself and others, I was led to conclusions in
reference to the effect of public office on the character, not very favorable to
the mode of life in question. In some other form, perhaps, I may hereafter
develop these effects. Suffice it here to say, that a Custom-House officer, of
long continuance, can hardly be a very praiseworthy or respectable personage,
for many reasons; one of them, the tenure by which he holds his situation, and
another, the very nature of his business, which - though, I trust, an honest one
- is of such a sort that he does not share in the united effort of mankind.
    An effect - which I believe to be observable, more or less, in every
individual who has occupied the position - is, that, while he leans on the
mighty arm of the Republic, his own proper strength departs from him. He loses,
in an extent proportioned to the weakness or force of his original nature, the
capability of self-support. If he possess an unusual share of native energy
