. Fairfax a thankfulness for her kindness, and a pleasure in her
society proportionate to the tranquil regard she had for me, and the moderation
of her mind and character.
    Anybody may blame me who likes, when I add further, that, now and then, when
I took a walk by myself in the grounds; when I went down to the gates and looked
through them along the road; or when, while Adèle played with her nurse, and
Mrs. Fairfax made jellies in the store-room, I climbed the three staircases,
raised the trap-door of the attic, and having reached the leads, looked out afar
over sequestered field and hill, and along dim sky-line: that then I longed for
a power of vision which might overpass that limit; which might reach the busy
world, towns, regions full of life I had heard of but never seen: that then I
desired more of practical experience than I possessed; more of intercourse with
my kind, of acquaintance with variety of character, than was here within my
reach. I valued what was good in Mrs. Fairfax, and what was good in Adèle; but I
believed in the existence of other and more vivid kinds of goodness, and what I
believed in I wished to behold.
    Who blames me? Many no doubt; and I shall be called discontented. I could
not help it: the restlessness was in my nature; it agitated me to pain
sometimes. Then my sole relief was to walk along, the corridor of the third
story, backwards and forwards, safe in the silence and solitude of the spot, and
allow my mind's eye to dwell on whatever bright visions rose before it - and
certainly they were many and glowing; to let my heart be heaved by the exultant
movement which, while it swelled it in trouble, expanded it with life; and best
of all, to open my inward ear to a tale that was never ended - a tale my
imagination created, and narrated continuously; quickened with all of incident,
life, fire, feeling, that I desired and had not in my actual existence.
    It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquillity:
they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it. Millions
are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent revolt
against their lot. Nobody knows how many rebellions besides political rebellions
ferment in the masses of life which people earth. Women are supposed to be very
calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need
