 this. I have not known you long to be sure, personally
at least, but I have known you and all your family by description a great while;
and as soon as I saw you, I felt almost as if you was an old acquaintance.
Besides in the present case, I really thought some explanation was due to you
after my making such particular inquiries about Edward's mother; and I am so
unfortunate, that I have not a creature whose advice I can ask. Anne is the only
person that knows of it, and she has no judgment at all; indeed she does me a
great deal more harm than good, for I am in constant fear of her betraying me.
She does not know how to hold her tongue, as you must perceive, and I am sure I
was in the greatest fright in the world t'other day, when Edward's name was
mentioned by Sir John, lest she should out with it all. You can't think how much
I go through in my mind from it altogether. I only wonder that I am alive after
what I have suffered for Edward's sake these last four years. Every thing in
such suspense and uncertainty; and seeing him so seldom - we can hardly meet
above twice a-year. I am sure I wonder my heart is not quite broke.«
    Here she took out her handkerchief; but Elinor did not feel very
compassionate.
    »Sometimes,« continued Lucy, after wiping her eyes, »I think whether it
would not be better for us both, to break off the matter entirely.« As she said
this, she looked directly at her companion. »But then at other times I have not
resolution enough for it. - I cannot bear the thoughts of making him so
miserable, as I know the very mention of such a thing would do. And on my own
account too - so dear as he is to me - I don't think I could be equal to it.
What would you advise me to do in such a case, Miss Dashwood? What would you do
yourself?«
    »Pardon me,« replied Elinor, startled by the question; »but I can give you
no advice under such circumstances. Your own judgment must direct you.«
    »To be sure,« continued Lucy, after a few minutes silence on both sides,
»his mother must provide for him sometime or other; but poor Edward is so cast
down about it! Did not you think him dreadful low-spirited when he was at
Barton? He
