 as nothing but common air, in
competition of an hypothesis. In my plain sense of things, my uncle Toby, would
answer, -- every such instance is downright MURDER, let who will commit it. --
There lies your mistake, my father would reply; -- for, in Foro Scientiæ there
is no such thing as MURDER, -- 'tis only DEATH, brother.
    My uncle Toby would never offer to answer this by any other kind of
argument, than that of whistling half a dozen bars of Lillabullero. -- You must
know it was the usual channel thro' which his passions got vent, when any thing
shocked or surprised him; - but especially when any thing, which he deem'd very
absurd, was offer'd.
    As not one of our logical writers, nor any of the commentators upon them,
that I remember, have thought proper to give a name to this particular species
of argument, - I here take the liberty to do it myself, for two reasons. First,
That, in order to prevent all confusion in disputes, it may stand as much
distinguished for ever, from every other species of argument, -- as the
Argumentum ad Verecundiam, ex Absurdo, ex Fortiori, or any other argument
whatsoever: - And, secondly, That it may be said by my children's children, when
my head is laid to rest, -- that their learn'd grand-father's head had been
busied to as much purpose once, as other people's: - That he had invented a
name, - and generously thrown it into the TREASURY of the Ars Logica, for one of
the most unanswerable arguments in the whole science. And if the end of
disputation is more to silence than convince, - they may add, if they please, to
one of the best arguments too.
    I do therefore, by these presents, strictly order and command, That it be
known and distinguished by the name and title of the Argumentum Fistulatorium,
and no other; - and that it rank hereafter with the Argumentum Baculinum, and
the Argumentum ad Crumenam, and for ever hereafter be treated of in the same
chapter.
    As for the Argumentum Tripodium, which is never used but by the woman
against the man; - and the Argumentum ad Rem, which, contrarywise, is made use
of by the man only against the woman: - As these two are enough in conscience
for one lecture; -- and, moreover, as the one is the best answer to the other, -
let them likewise
