s finances, and would have undertaken to have guessed each particular sum,
without varying three farthings from the truth.
    The conversation, instead of becoming general, began to fall into parties;
and the epic poet had actually attracted the attention of a private committee,
when the chairman interposed, calling aloud, »No cabals, no conspiracies,
gentlemen.« His rival, thinking it incumbent upon him to make some reply to this
rebuke, answered, »We have no secrets; he that hath ears, let him hear.« This
was spoke as an intimation to the company, whose looks were instantly whetted
with the expectation of their ordinary meal: but the president seemed to decline
the contest; for, without putting on his fighting face, he calmly replied, that
he had seen Mr. Metaphor tip the wink, and whisper to one of his confederates;
and thence judged, that there was something mysterious on the carpet.
    The epic poet, believing his antagonist crestfallen, resolved to take the
advantage of his dejection, that he might inhance his own character in the
opinion of the stranger; and with that view asked, with an air of exultation, if
a man might not be allowed to have a convulsion in his eye, without being
suspected of a conspiracy. The president, perceiving his drift, and piqued at
his presumption, »To be sure (said he) a man of a weak head may be very well
supposed to have convulsions in his eyes.« This repartee produced a laugh of
triumph among the chairman's adherents; one of whom observed, that his rival had
got a smart rap on the pate. »Yes, (replied the bard) in that respect Mr.
Chairman has the advantage of me. Had my head been fortified with a horn-work, I
should not have been so sensible of the stroke.« This retort, which carried a
severe allusion to the president's wife, lighted up the countenances of the
aggressor's friends, which had begun to be a little obumbrated; and had a
contrary effect upon the other faction, till their chief, collecting all his
capacity, returned the salute, by observing, that there was no occasion for an
horn-work, when the covered way was not worth defending.
    Such a reprizal upon Mr. Metaphor's yoke-fellow, who was by no means
remarkable for her beauty, could not fail to operate upon the hearers; and as
for the bard himself, he was evidently ruffled by the reflection; to which,
however, he, without hesitation, replied, »
