 budget of
your philosophy, cull one apophthegm to console you in this trivial mischance?«
    »Rot your rapidity! (said the cynic, half-choaked with gall) if the cancer
or the pox were in your throat, I should not be thus tormented with your tongue:
and yet a magpye shall speak infinitely more to the purpose. Don't you know, Mr.
Wiseacre, that my case does not fall within the province of philosophy? Had I
been curtailed of all my members, racked by the gout and gravel, deprived of
liberty, robbed of an only child, or visited with the death of a dear friend
like you, philosophy might have contributed to my consolation; but will
philosophy pay my debts, or free me from the burden of obligation to a set of
fellows whom I despise? Speak - pronounce - demonstrate - or may heaven close
your mouth for ever!«
    »These are the comfortable fruits of your misanthropy, (answered the youth)
your laudable scheme of detaching yourself from the bonds of society, and of
moving in a superior sphere of your own. Had not you been so peculiarly sage,
and intent upon laughing at mankind, you could never have been disconcerted by
such a pitiful inconvenience: any friend would have accommodated you with the
sum in question. But now the world may retort the laugh; for you stand upon such
an agreeable footing with your acquaintance, that nothing could please them
better than an account of your having given disappointment the slip, by the help
of a noose properly applied. This I mention by way of hint, upon which I would
have you chew the cud of reflection; and should it come to that issue, I will
use my whole interest with the coroner, to bring in his verdict Lunacy, that
your carcase may have christian burial.«
    So saying, he withdrew, very well satisfied with the revenge he had taken,
which operated so violently upon Crabtree, that if it had not been for the sole
consideration mentioned above, he would, in all probability, have had recourse
to the remedy proposed. But his unwillingness to oblige and entertain his
fellow-creatures, hindered him from practising that expedient, till, by course
of post, he was happily undeceived with regard to the situation of his affairs;
and that information had such an effect upon him, that he not only forgave our
hero for the stratagem, which he immediately ascribed to the right author, but
also made him a tender of his purse: so that matters, for the present, were
brought to an amicable accommodation.
    Mean while,
