 really no
ill-humoured Woman at the Bottom; but she loved Money so much, that she hated
every Thing which had the Semblance of Poverty.
    Jones now returned in order to dress himself, while his Dinner was
preparing, and was, according to his Orders, attended by the Barber.
    This Barber, who went by the Name of little Benjamin, was a Fellow of great
Oddity and Humour, which had frequently led him into small Inconveniencies, such
as Slaps in the Face, Kicks in the Breech, broken Bones, etc. For every one doth
not understand a Jest; and those who do, are often displeased with being
themselves the Subjects of it. This Vice was, however, incurable in him; and
though he had often smarted for it, yet if ever he conceived a Joke, he was
certain to be delivered of it, without the least Respect of Persons, Time, or
Place.
    He had a great many other Particularities in his Character, which I shall
not mention, as the Reader will himself very easily perceive them, on his
farther Acquaintance with this extraordinary Person.
    Jones being impatient to be drest, for a Reason which may easily be
imagined, thought the Shaver was very tedious in preparing his Suds, and begged
him to make Haste; to which the other answered, with much Gravity: For he never
discomposed his Muscles on any Account. »Festina lente is a Proverb which I
learnt long before I ever touched a Razor.« »I find, Friend, you are a Scholar,«
replied Jones. »A poor one,« said the Barber, »non omnia possumus omnes.«
»Again!« said Jones; »I fancy you are good at capping Verses.« »Excuse me, Sir,«
said the Barber, »non tanto me dignor honore.« And then proceeding to his
Operation, »Sir,« said he, »since I have dealt in Suds, I could never discover
more than two Reasons for shaving, the one is to get a Beard, and the other to
get rid of one. I conjecture, Sir, it may not be long since you shaved, from the
former of these Motives. Upon my Word you have had good Success, for one may say
of your Beard, that it is Tondenti gravior.« »I conjecture,« says Jones, »that
thou art a very comical Fellow.« »You mistake me widely, Sir,« said the Barber,
»I am too much addicted to the Study of Philosophy, Hinc illæ Lacrymæ, Sir,
that'
