, instead of allaying, rather exasperated this contention, by an
artful distribution of his attention among the competitors; well knowing, that
should his regard be converged into one point, he would soon forfeit the
pleasure he enjoyed, in seeing them at variance; for both parties would join
against the common enemy, and his favourite would be persecuted by the whole
coalition. He perceived, that among the secret agents of scandal, none were so
busy as the physicians, a class of animals who live in this place, like so many
ravens hovering about a carcase, and even ply for employment, like scullers at
Hungerford-stairs. The greatest part of them have correspondents in London, who
make it their business to inquire into the history, character, and distemper of
every one that repairs to Bath, for the benefit of the waters; and if they
cannot procure interest to recommend their medical friends to these patients,
before they set out, they at least furnish them with a previous account of what
they could collect, that their correspondents may use this intelligence for
their own advantage. By these means, and the assistance of flattery and
assurance, they often insinuate themselves into the acquaintance of strangers,
and by consulting their dispositions, become necessary and subservient to their
prevailing passions. By their connexion with apothecaries and nurses, they are
informed of all the private occurrences in each family; and therefore, enabled
to gratify the rancour of malice, amuse the spleen of peevish indisposition, and
entertain the eagerness of impertinent curiosity.
    In the course of these occupations, which frequently affected the reputation
of our two adventurers, this whole body fell under the displeasure of our hero,
who, after divers consultations with his friend, concerted a stratagem, which
was practised upon the faculty in this manner. Among those who frequented the
pump-room, was an old officer, whose temper, naturally impatient, was, by
repeated attacks of the gout, which had almost deprived him of the use of his
limbs, sublimated into a remarkable degree of virulence and perverseness: he
imputed the inveteracy of his distemper to the malpractice of a surgeon who had
administered to him, while he laboured under the consequences of an unfortunate
amour; and this supposition had inspired him with an insurmountable antipathy to
all the professors of the medical art, which was more and more confirmed by the
information of a friend at London, who had told him, that it was a common
practice among the physicians at Bath, to dissuade their patients from drinking
the water, that the cure, and of consequence their attendance, might be the
longer protracted.
    Thus
