 in setting off and adorning the Human Person
would procure a Livelihood. Nay, those great Polishers of our Manners, who are
by some thought to teach what principally distinguishes us from the Brute
Creation, even Dancing-Masters themselves, might possibly find no Place in
Society. In short, all the Graces which young Ladies and young Gentlemen too
learn from others; and the many Improvements which, by the Help of a
Looking-glass, they add of their own, are in Reality those very Spicula et Faces
Amoris, so often mentioned by Ovid; or, as they are sometimes called in our own
Language, The whole Artillery of Love.
    Now Mrs. Waters and our Heroe had no sooner sat down together, than the
former began to play this Artillery upon the latter. But here, as we are about
to attempt a Description hitherto unessayed either in Prose or Verse, we think
proper to invoke the Assistance of certain Aerial Beings, who will, we doubt
not, come kindly to our Aid on this Occasion.
    »Say then, ye Graces, you that inhabit the heavenly Mansions of Seraphina's
Countenance; for you are truly Divine, are always in her Presence, and well know
all the Arts of charming, Say, what were the Weapons now used to captivate the
Heart of Mr. Jones.«
    »First, from two lovely blue Eyes, whose bright Orbs flashed Lightning at
their Discharge, flew forth two pointed Ogles. But happily for our Heroe, hit
only a vast Piece of Beef which he was then conveying into his Plate, and
harmless spent their Force. The fair Warrior perceived their Miscarriage, and
immediately from her fair Bosom drew forth a deadly Sigh. A Sigh, which none
could have heard unmoved, and which was sufficient at once to have swept off a
dozen Beaus; so soft, so sweet, so tender, that the insinuating Air must have
found its subtle Way to the Heart of our Heroe, had it not luckily been driven
from his Ears by the coarse Bubbling of some bottled Ale, which at that Time he
was pouring forth. Many other Weapons did she assay; but the God of Eating (if
there be any such Deity; for I do not confidently assert it) preserved his
Votary; or perhaps it may not be Dignus vindice nodus, and the present Security
of Jones may be accounted for by natural Means: For as Love frequently preserves
from the Attacks of Hunger, so may Hunger possibly, in some Cases, defend us
against Love.
    The Fair One, enraged at her frequent Disappointments, determined on a short
Cessation of
