
                                  John Cleland

                         Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure

                                Letter the First

Madam,
    I sit down to give you an undeniable proof of my considering your desires as
indispensable orders. Ungracious then as the task may be, I shall recall to view
those scandalous stages of my life, out of which I emerg'd, at length, to the
enjoyment of every blessing in the power of love, health, and fortune to bestow;
whilst yet in the flower of youth, and not too late to employ the leisure
afforded me by great ease and affluence, to cultivate an understanding,
naturally not a despicable one, and which had, even amidst the whirl of loose
pleasures I had been tost in, exerted more observation on the characters and
manners of the world than what is common to those of my unhappy profession, who
looking on all thought or reflection as their capital enemy, keep it at as great
a distance as they can, or destroy it without mercy.
    Hating, as I mortally do, all long unnecessary preface, I shall give you
good quarter in this, and use no farther apology, than to prepare you for seeing
the loose part of my life, wrote with the same liberty that I led it.
    Truth! stark, naked truth, is the word; and I will not so much as take the
pains to bestow the strip of a gauze wrapper on it, but paint situations such as
they actually rose to me in nature, careless of violating those laws of decency
that were never made for such unreserved intimacies as ours; and you have too
much sense, too much knowledge of the ORIGINALS themselves, to sniff prudishly
and out of character at the PICTURES of them. The greatest men, those of the
first and most leading taste, will not scruple adorning their private closets
with nudities, though, in compliance with vulgar prejudices, they may not think
them decent decorations of the staircase, or salon.
    This, and enough, premised, I go souse into my personal history. My maiden
name was Frances Hill. I was born at a small village near Liverpool, in
Lancashire, of parents extremely poor, and, I piously believe, extremely honest.
    My father, who had received a maim on his limbs that disabled him from
following the more laborious branches of country-drudgery, got, by making of
nets, a scanty subsistence, which was not much enlarg'd by my mother's keeping a
little day-school for the girls in her neighbourhood. They had had several
children; but none lived to any age except myself, who had received from nature
a constitution perfectly healthy.
    My education, till past fourteen, was no better than very vulgar; reading,
or rather spelling, an illegible scrawl, and a little ordinary plain work
composed the whole system of it; and then all my foundation in virtue was no
other than a total ignorance of vice, and the shy timidity general to our sex,
in the tender stage of life when objects alarm or frighten more by their novelty
than anything else. But then, this is a fear too often cured at the expense of
innocence, when Miss, by degrees, begins no longer to look on a man as a
creature of prey that will eat her.
    My poor mother had divided her time so entirely between her scholars and her
little domestic cares, that she had spared very little of it to my instruction,
having, from her own innocence from all ill, no hint or thought of guarding me
against any.
    I was now entering on my fifteenth year, when the worst of ills befell me in
the loss of my tender fond parents, who were both carried off by the small-pox,
within a few days of each other; my father dying first, and thereby hastening
the death of my mother: so that I was now left an unhappy friendless orphan (for
my father's coming to settle there was accidental, he being originally a
Kentishman). That cruel distemper which had proved so fatal to them, had indeed
seized me, but with such mild and favourable symptoms, that I was presently out
of danger, and, what I then did not know the value of, was entirely unmark'd. I
skip over here an account of the natural grief and affliction which I felt on
this melancholy occasion. A little time, and the giddiness of that age
dissipated, too soon, my reflections on that irreparable loss; but nothing
contributed more to reconcile me to it, than the notions that were immediately
put into my head, of going to London, and looking out for a service, in which I
was promised all assistance and advice from one Esther Davis, a young woman that
had been down to see her friends, and who, after the stay of a few days, was to
return to her place.
    As I had now nobody left alive in the village who had concern enough about
what should become of me to start any objections to this scheme, and the woman
who took care of me after my parents' death rather encouraged me to pursue it, I
soon came to a resolution of making this launch into the wide world, by
repairing to London, in order to SEEK MY FORTUNE, a phrase which, by the bye,
has ruined more adventurers of both sexes, from the country, than ever it made
or advanced.
    Nor did Esther Davis a little comfort and inspirit me to venture with her,
by piquing my childish curiosity with the fine sights that were to be seen in
London: the Tombs, the Lions, the King, the Royal Family, the fine Plays and
Operas, and, in short, all the diversions which fell within her sphere of life
to come at; the detail of all which perfectly turn'd the little head of me.
    Nor can I remember, without laughing, the innocent admiration, not without a
spice of envy, with which we poor girls, whose church-going clothes did not rise
above dowlass shifts and stuff gowns, beheld Esther's scowered satin gowns, caps
border'd with an inch of lace, taudry ribbons, and shoes belaced with silver:
all which we imagined grew in London, and entered for a great deal into my
determination of trying to come in for my share of them.
    The idea however of having the company of a townswoman with her, was the
trivial, and all the motives that engaged Esther to take charge of me during my
journey to town, where she told me, after her manner and style, »as how several
maids out of the country had made themselves and all their kin for ever: that by
preserving their VIRTUE, some had taken so with their masters, that they had
married them, and kept them coaches, and lived vastly grand and happy; and some,
may-hap, came to be Duchesses; luck was all, and why not I, as well as
another?«; with other almanacs to this purpose, which set me a tip-toe to begin
this promising journey, and to leave a place which, though my native one,
contained no relations that I had reason to regret, and was grown insupportable
to me, from the change of the tenderest usage into a cold air of charity, with
which I was entertain'd even at the only friend's house that I had the least
expectation of care and protection from. She was, however, so just to me, as to
manage the turning into money of the little matters that remained to me after
the debts and burial charges were accounted for, and, at my departure, put my
whole fortune into my hands; which consisted of a very slender wardrobe, pack'd
up in a very portable box, and eight guineas, with seventeen shillings in
silver; stowed up in a spring-pouch, which was a greater treasure than ever I
had yet seen together, and which I could not conceive there was a possibility of
running out; and indeed, I was so entirely taken up with the joy of seeing
myself mistress of such an immense sum, that I gave very little attention to a
world of good advice which was given me with it.
    Places, then, being taken for Esther and me in the London wagon, I pass
over a very immaterial scene of leavetaking, at which I dropped a few tears
betwixt grief and joy; and, for the same reasons of insignificance, skip over
all that happened to me on the road, such as the wagoner's looking liquorish on
me, the schemes laid for me by some of the passengers, which were defeated by
the vigilance of my guardian Esther; who, to do her justice, took a motherly
care of me, at the same time that she taxed me for her protection by making me
bear all travelling charges, which I defrayed with the utmost cheerfulness, and
thought myself much obliged to her into the bargain.
    She took indeed great care that we were not over-rated, or imposed on, as
well as of managing as frugally as possible; expensiveness was not her vice.
    It was pretty late in a summer evening when we reached London-town, in our
slow conveyance, though drawn by six at length. As we passed through the
greatest streets that led to our inn, the noise of the coaches, the hurry, the
crowds of foot passengers, in short, the new scenery of the shops and houses, at
once pleased and amazed me.
    But guess at my mortification and surprise when we came to the inn, and our
things were landed and deliver'd to us, when my fellow traveller and
protectress, Esther Davis, who had used me with the utmost tenderness during the
journey, and prepared me by no preceding signs for the stunning blow I was to
receive, when I say, my only dependence and friend, in this strange place, all
of a sudden assumed a strange and cool air towards me, as if she dreaded my
becoming a burden to her.
    Instead, then, of proffering me the continuance of her assistance and good
offices, which I relied upon, and never more wanted, she thought herself, it
seems, abundantly acquitted of her engagements to me, by having brought me safe
to my journey's end; and seeing nothing in her procedure towards me but what was
natural and in order, began to embrace me by way of taking leave, whilst I was
so confounded, so struck, that I had not spirit or sense enough so much as to
mention my hopes or expectations from her experience, and knowledge of the place
she had brought me to.
    Whilst I stood thus stupid and mute, which she doubtless attributed to
nothing more than a concern at parting, this idea procured me perhaps a slight
alleviation of it, in the following harangue: That now we were got safe to
London, and that she was obliged to go to her place, she advised me by all means
to get into one as soon as possible; that I need not fear getting one; there
were more places than parish-churches; that she advised me to go to an
intelligence office; that if she heard of any thing stirring, she would find me
out and let me know; that in the meantime, I should take a private lodging, and
acquaint her where to send to me; that she wish'd me good luck, and hoped I
should always have the grace to keep myself honest, and not bring a disgrace on
my parentage. With this, she took her leave of me, and left me, as it were, on
my own hands, full as lightly as I had been put into hers.
    Left thus alone, absolutely destitute and friendless, I began then to feel
most bitterly the severity of this separation, the scene of which had passed in
a little room in the inn; and no sooner was her back turned, but the affliction
I felt at my helpless strange circumstances burst out into a flood of tears,
which infinitely relieved the oppression of my heart; though I still remained
stupefied, and most perfectly perplex'd how to dispose of myself.
    One of the waiters coming in, added yet more to my uncertainty by asking me,
in a short way, if I called for anything? to which I replied innocently: »No.«
But I wished him to tell me where I might get a lodging for that night. He said
he would go and speak to his mistress, who accordingly came, and told me drily,
without entering in the least into the distress she saw me in, that I might have
a bed for a shilling, and that, as she supposed I had some friends in town (here
I fetched a deep sigh in vain!) I might provide for myself in the morning.
    'Tis incredible what trifling consolations the human mind will seize in its
greatest afflictions. The assurance of nothing more than a bed to lie on that
night, calmed my agonies; and being asham'd to acquaint the mistress of the inn
that I had no friends to apply to in town, I proposed to myself to proceed, the
very next morning, to an intelligence office, to which I was furnish'd with
written directions on the back of a ballad Esther had given me. There I counted
on getting information of any place that such a country girl as I might be fit
for, and where I could get into any sort of being, before my little stock should
be consumed; and as to a character, Esther had often repeated to me that I might
depend on her managing me one; nor, however affected I was at her leaving me
thus, did I entirely cease to rely on her, as I began to think, good-naturedly,
that her procedure was all in course, and that it was only my ignorance of life
that had made me take it in the light I at first did.
    Accordingly, the next morning I dress'd myself as clean and as neat as my
rustic wardrobe would permit me; and having left my box, with special
recommendation, with the landlady, I ventured out by myself, and without any
more difficulty than can be supposed of a young country girl, barely fifteen,
and to whom every sign or shop was a gazing trap, I got to the wish'd-for
intelligence office.
    It was kept by an elderly woman, who sat at the receipt of custom, with a
book before her in great form and order, and several scrolls, ready made out, of
directions for places.
    I made up then to this important personage, without lifting up my eyes or
observing any of the people round me, who were attending there on the same
errand as myself, and dropping her curtsies nine-deep, just made a shift to
stammer out my business to her.
    Madam having heard me out, with all the gravity and brow of a petty minister
of State, and seeing at one glance over my figure what I was, made me no answer,
but to ask me the preliminary shilling, on receipt of which she told me places
for women were exceedingly scarce, especially as I seemed too slight built for
hard work; but that she would look over her book, and see what was to be done
for me, desiring me to stay a little till she had dispatched some other
customers.
    On this I drew back a little, most heartily mortified at a declaration which
carried with it a killing uncertainty that my circumstances could not well
endure.
    Presently, assuming more courage, and seeking some diversion from my uneasy
thoughts, I ventured to lift up my head a little, and sent my eyes on a course
round the room, wherein they met full tilt with those of a lady (for such my
extreme innocence pronounc'd her) sitting in a corner of the room, dress'd in a
velvet mantle (nota been, in the midst of summer), with her bonnet off;
squab-fat, red-faced, and at least fifty.
    She look'd as if she would devour me with her eyes, staring at me from head
to foot, without the least regard to the confusion and blushes her eyeing me so
fixedly put me to, and which were to her, no doubt, the strongest recommendation
and marks of my being fit for her purpose. After a little time, in which my air,
person and whole figure had undergone a strict examination, which I had, on my
part, tried to render favourable to me, by primming, drawing up my neck, and
setting my best looks, she advanced and spoke to me with the greatest
demureness:
    »Sweet-heart, do you want a place?«
    »Yes, and please you« (with a curtsy down to the ground).
    Upon this she acquainted me that she was actually come to the office herself
to look out for a servant; that she believed I might do, with a little of her
instructions; that she could take my very looks for a sufficient character; that
London was a very wicked, vile place; that she hoped I would be tractable, and
keep out of bad company; in short, she said all to me that an old experienced
practitioner in town could think of, and which was much more than was necessary
to take in an artless inexperienced country-maid, who was even afraid of
becoming a wanderer about the streets, and therefore gladly jump'd at the first
offer of a shelter, especially from so grave and matron-like a lady, for such my
flattering fancy assured me this new mistress of mine was; I being actually
hired under the nose of the good woman that kept the office, whose shrewd smiles
and shrugs I could not help observing, and innocently interpreted them as marks
of her being pleased at my getting into place so soon: but, as I afterwards came
to know, these BELDAMS understood one another very well, and this was a market
where Mrs. Brown, my mistress, frequently attended, on the watch for any fresh
goods that might offer there, for the use of her customers, and her own profit.
    Madam was, however, so well pleased with her bargain, that fearing, I
presume, lest better advice or some accident might occasion my slipping through
her fingers, she would officiously take me in a coach to my inn, where, calling
herself for my box, it was, I being present, delivered without the least scruple
or explanation as to where I was going.
    This being over, she bid the coachman drive to a shop in St. Paul's
Churchyard, where she bought a pair of gloves, which she gave me, and thence
renewed her directions to the coachman to drive to her house in *** street, who
accordingly landed us at her door, after I had been cheer'd up and entertain'd
by the way with the most plausible flams, without one syllable from which I
could conclude anything but that I was, by the greatest good luck, fallen into
the hands of the kindest mistress, not to say friend, that the varsal world
could afford; and accordingly I enter'd her doors with most complete confidence
and exultation, promising myself that, as soon as I should be a little settled,
I would acquaint Esther Davis with my rare good fortune.
    You may be sure the good opinion of my place was not lessen'd by the
appearance of a very handsome back parlour, into which I was led and which
seemed to me magnificently furnished, who had never seen better rooms than the
ordinary ones in inns upon the road. There were two gilt pierglasses, and a
buffet, on which a few pieces of plates, set out to the most show, dazzled, and
altogether persuaded me that I must be got into a very reputable family.
    Here my mistress first began her part, with telling me that I must have good
spirits, and learn to be free with her; that she had not taken me to be a common
servant, to do domestic drudgery, but to be a kind of companion to her; and that
if I would be a good girl, she would do more than twenty mothers for me; to all
which I answered only by the profoundest and the awkwardest curtsies, and a few
monosyllables, such as »yes! no! to be sure!«
    Presently my mistress touch'd the bell, and in came a strapping
maid-servant, who had let us in. »Here, Martha,« said Mrs. Brown - »I have just
hir'd this young woman to look after my linen; so step up and show her her
chamber; and I charge you to use her with as much respect as you would myself,
for I have taken a prodigious liking to her, and I do not know what I shall do
for her.«
    Martha, who was an arch-jade, and, being used to this decoy, had her cue
perfect, made me a kind of half curtsy, and asked me to walk up with her; and
accordingly show'd me a neat room, two pair of stairs backwards, in which there
was a handsome bed, where Martha told me I was to lie with a young gentlewoman,
a cousin of my mistress's, who she was sure would be vastly good to me. Then she
ran out into such affected encomiums on her good mistress! her sweet mistress!
and how happy I was to light upon her! that I could not have bespoke a better;
with other the like gross stuff, such as would itself have started suspicions in
any but such an unpractised simpleton, who was perfectly new to life, and who
took every word she said in the very sense she laid out for me to take it; but
she readily saw what a penetration she had to deal with, and measured me very
rightly in her manner of whistling to me, so as to make me pleased with my cage,
and blind to the wires.
    In the midst of these false explanations of the nature of my future service,
we were rung for down again, and I was reintroduced into the same parlour, where
there was a table laid with three covers; and my mistress had now got with her
one of her favourite girls, a notable manager of her house, and whose business
it was to prepare and break such young fillies as I was to the mounting-block;
and she was accordingly, in that view, allotted me for a bed-fellow; and, to
give her the more authority, she had the title of cousin conferr'd on her by the
venerable president of this college.
    Here I underwent a second survey, which ended in the full approbation of
Mrs. Phoebe Ayres, the name of my tutoress elect, to whose care and instructions
I was affectionately recommended.
    Dinner was now set on table, and in pursuance of treating me as a companion,
Mrs. Brown, with a tone to cut off all dispute, soon over-rul'd my most humble
and most confused protestations against sitting down with her LADYSHIP, which my
very short breeding just suggested to me could not be right, or in the order of
things.
    At table, the conversation was chiefly kept up by the two madams, and
carried on in double-meaning expressions, interrupted every now and then by kind
assurance to me, all tending to confirm and fix my satisfaction with my present
condition: augment it they could not, so very a novice was I then.
    It was here agreed that I should keep myself up and out of sight for a few
days, till such clothes could be procured for me as were fit for the character I
was to appear in, of my mistress's companion, observing withal, that on the
first impressions of my figure much might depend; and, as they well judged, the
prospect of exchanging my country clothes for London finery, made the clause of
confinement digest perfectly well with me. But the truth was, Mrs. Brown did not
care that I should be seen or talked to by any, either of her customers, or her
DOES (as they call'd the girls provided for them), till she had secured a good
market for my maidenhead, which I had at least all the appearances of having
brought into her LADYSHIP'S service.
    To slip over minutes of no importance to the main of my story, I pass the
interval to bed-time, in which I was more and more pleas'd with the views that
opened to me, of an easy service under these good people; and after supper being
show'd up to bed, Miss Phoebe, who observed a kind of reluctance in me to strip
and go to bed, in my shift, before her, now the maid was withdrawn, came up to
me, and beginning with unpinning my handkerchief and gown, soon encouraged me to
go on with undressing myself; and, still blushing at now seeing myself naked to
my shift, I hurried to get under the bed-clothes out of sight. Phoebe laugh'd
and was not long before she placed herself by my side. She was about five and
twenty, by her most suspicious account, in which, according to all appearances,
she must have sunk at least ten good years: allowance, too, being made for the
havoc which a long course of hackneyship and hot waters must have made of her
constitution, and which had already brought on, upon the spur, that stale stage
in which those of her profession are reduced to think of SHOWING company,
instead of SEEING it.
    No sooner then was this precious substitute of my mistress's laid down, but
she, who was never out of her way when any occasion of lewdness presented
itself, turned to me, embraced and kiss'd me with great eagerness. This was new,
this was odd; but imputing it to nothing but pure kindness, which, for aught I
knew, it might be the London way to express in that manner, I was determin'd not
to be behind-hand with her, and returned her the kiss and embrace, with all the
fervour that perfect innocence knew.
    Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, and wander'd over my
whole body, with touches, squeezes, pressures, that rather warm'd and Surprise'd
me with their novelty, than they either shock'd or alarm'd me.
    The flattering praises she intermingled with these invasions, contributed
also not a little to bribe my passiveness; and, knowing no ill, I feared none,
especially from one who had prevented all doubt of her womanhood by conducting
my hands to a pair of breasts that hung loosely down, in a size and volume that
full sufficiently distinguished her sex, to me at least, who had never made any
other comparison ...
    I lay then all tame and passive as she could wish, whilst her freedom raised
no other emotions but those of a strange, and, till then, unfelt pleasure. Every
part of me was open and exposed to the licentious courses of her hands, which,
like a lambent fire, ran over my whole body, and thaw'd all coldness as they
went.
    My breasts, if it is not too bold a figure to call so two hard, firm, rising
hillocks, that just began to show themselves, or signify anything to the touch,
employ'd and amus'd her hands a-while, till, slipping down lower, over a smooth
track, she could just feel the soft silky down that had but a few months before
put forth and garnish'd the mount-pleasant of those parts, and promised to
spread a grateful shelter over the seat of the most exquisite sensation, and
which had been, till that instant, the seat of the most insensible innocence.
Her fingers play'd and strove to twine in the young tendrils of that moss, which
nature has contrived at once for use and ornament.
    But, not contented with these outer posts, she now attempts the main spot,
and began to twitch, to insinuate, and at length to force an introduction of a
finger into the quick itself, in such a manner, that had she not proceeded by
insensible gradations that inflamed me beyond the power of modesty to oppose its
resistance to their progress, I should have jump'd out of bed and cried for help
against such strange assaults.
    Instead of which, her lascivious touches had lighted up a new fire that
wanton'd through all my veins, but fix'd with violence in that centre appointed
them by nature, where the first strange hands were now busied in feeling,
squeezing, compressing the lips, then opening them again, with a finger between,
till an »Oh!« express'd her hurting me, where the narrowness of the unbroken
passage refused it entrance to any depth.
    In the meantime, the extension of my limbs, languid stretchings, sighs,
short heavings, all conspired to assure that experienced wanton that I was more
pleased than offended at her proceedings, which she seasoned with repeated
kisses and exclamations, such as »Oh! what a charming creature thou art! ...
What a happy man will he be that first makes a woman of you! ... Oh! that I were
a man for your sake! ...« with the like broken expressions, interrupted by
kisses as fierce and fervent as ever I received from the other sex.
    For my part, I was transported, confused, and out of myself; feelings so new
were too much for me. My heated and alarm'd senses were in a tumult that robbed
me of all liberty of thought; tears of pleasure gush'd from my eyes, and
somewhat assuaged the fire that rag'd all over me.
    Phoebe, herself, the hackney'd, thorough-bred Phoebe, to whom all modes and
devices of pleasure were known and familiar, found, it seems, in this exercise
of her art to break young girls, the gratification of one of those arbitrary
tastes, for which there is no accounting. Not that she hated men, or did not
even prefer them to her own sex; but when she met with such occasions as this
was, a satiety of enjoyments in the common road, perhaps too, a secret bias,
inclined her to make the most of pleasure, wherever she could find it, without
distinction of sexes. In this view, now well assured that she had, by her
touches, sufficiently inflamed me for her purpose, she roll'd down the
bed-clothes gently, and I saw myself stretched nak'd, my shift being turned up
to my neck, whilst I had no power or sense to oppose it. Even my glowing blushes
expressed more desire than modesty, whilst the candle, left (to be sure not
undesignedly) burning, threw a full light on my whole body.
    »No!« says Phoebe, »you must not, my sweet girl, think to hide all these
treasures from me. My sight must be feasted as well as my touch ... I must
devour with my eyes this springing BOSOM... Suffer me to kiss it ... I have not
seen it enough ... Let me kiss it once more ... What firm, smooth, white flesh
is here! ... How delicately shaped! ... Then this delicious down! Oh! let me
view the small, dear, tender cleft! ... This is too much, I cannot bear it! ...
I must ... I must ...« Here she took my hand, and in a transport carried it
where you will easily guess. But what a difference in the state of the same
thing! ... A spreading thicket of bushy curls marked the full-grown, complete
woman. Then the cavity to which she guided my hand easily received it; and as
soon as she felt it within her, she moved herself to and fro, with so rapid a
friction that I presently withdrew it, wet and clammy, when instantly Phoebe
grew more composed, after two or three sighs, and heart-fetched Oh's! and giving
me a kiss that seemed to exhale her soul through her lips, she replaced the
bed-clothes over us. What pleasure she had found I will not say; but this I
know, that the first sparks of kindling nature, the first ideas of pollution,
were caught by me that night; and that the acquaintance and communication with
the bad of our own sex, is often as fatal to innocence as all the seductions of
the other. But to go on. When Phoebe was restor'd to that calm, which I was far
from the enjoyment of myself, she artfully sounded me on all the points
necessary to govern the designs of my virtuous mistress on me, and by my
answers, drawn from pure undissembled nature, she had no reason but to promise
herself all imaginable success, so far as it depended on my ignorance, easiness,
and warmth of constitution.
    After a sufficient length of dialogue, my bedfellow left me to my rest, and
I fell asleep, through pure weariness from the violent emotions I had been led
into, when nature (which had been too warmly stir'd and fermented to subside
without allaying by some means or other) relieved me by one of those luscious
dreams, the transports of which are scarce inferior to those of waking real
action.
    In the morning I awoke about ten, perfectly gay and refreshed. Phoebe was up
before me, and asked me in the kindest manner how I did, how I had rested, and
if I was ready for breakfast, carefully, at the same time, avoiding to increase
the confusion she saw I was in, at looking her in the face, by any hint of the
night's bed scene. I told her if she pleased I would get up, and begin any work
she would be pleased to set me about. She smile'd; presently the maid brought in
the tea-equipage, and I had just huddled my clothes on, when in waddled my
mistress. I expected no less than to be told of, if not chide for, my late
rising, when I was agreeably disappointed by her compliments on my pure and
fresh looks. I was »a bud of beauty« (this was her style), »and how vastly all
the fine men would admire me!« to all which my answers did not, I can assure
you, wrong my breeding; they were as simple and silly as they could wish, and,
no doubt, flattered them infinitely more than had they proved me enlightened by
education and a knowledge of the world.
    We breakfasted, and the tea things were scarce removed, when in were brought
two bundles of linen and wearing apparel: in short, all the necessaries for
rigging me out, as they termed it, completely.
    Imagine to yourself, Madam, how my little coquette heart flutter'd with joy
at the sight of a white lute-string, flower'd with silver, scoured indeed, but
passed on me for spick-and-span new, a Brussels lace cap, braided shoes, and the
rest in proportion, all second-hand finery, and procured instantly for the
occasion, by the diligence and industry of the good Mrs. Brown, who had already
a chapman for me in the house, before whom my charms were to pass in review; for
he had not only, in course, insisted on a previous sight of the premises, but
also on immediate surrender to him, in case of his agreeing for me; concluding
very wisely that such a place as I was in was of the hottest to trust the
keeping of such a perishable commodity in as a maidenhead.
    The care of dressing, and tricking me out for the market, was then left to
Phoebe, who acquitted herself, if not well, at least perfectly to the
satisfaction of every thing but my impatience of seeing myself dress'd. When it
was over, and I view'd myself in the glass, I was, no doubt, too natural, too
artless, to hide my childish joy at the change: a change, in the real truth, for
much the worse, since I must have much better become the neat easy simplicity of
my rustic dress than the awkward, untoward, taudry finery that I could not
conceal my strangeness to.
    Phoebe's compliments, however, in which her own share in dressing me was not
forgot, did not a little confirm me in the first notions I had ever entertained
concerning my person; which, be it said without vanity, was then tolerable to
justify a taste for me, and of which it may not be out of place here to sketch
you an unflatter'd picture.
    I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which, as I before remark'd, was
barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectly straight, thin waisted, and light
and free, without owing any thing to stays; my hair was a glossy auburn, and as
soft as silk, flowing down my neck in natural buckles, and did not a little set
off the whiteness of a smooth skin; my face was rather too ruddy, though its
features were delicate, and the shape a roundish oval, except where a pit on my
chin had far from a disagreeable effect; my eyes were as black as can be
imagine'd, and rather languishing than sparkling, except on certain occasions,
when I have been told they struck fire fast enough; my teeth, which I ever
carefully perserv'd, were small, even and white; my bosom was finely raise'd, and
one might then discern rather the promise, than the actual growth, of the round,
firm breasts, that in a little time made that promise good. In short, all the
points of beauty that are most universally in request, I had, or at least my
vanity forbade me to appeal from the decision of our sovereign judges the men,
who all, that I ever knew at least, gave it thus highly in my favour; and I met
with, even in my own sex, some that were above denying me that justice, whilst
others praised me yet more unsuspectedly, by endeavouring to detract from me, in
points of person and figure that I obviously excelled in. This is, I own, too
strong of self praise; but should I not be ungrateful to nature, and to a form
to which I owe such singular blessings of pleasure and fortune, were I to
suppress, through an affectation of modesty, the mention of such valuable gifts?
    Well then, dress'd I was, and little did it then enter into my head that all
this gay attire was no more than decking the victim out for sacrifice, whilst I
innocently attributed all to mere friendship and kindness in the sweet good Mrs.
Brown; who, I was forgetting to mention, had, under pretence of keeping my money
safe, got from me, without the least hesitation, the driblet (so I now call it)
which remained to me after the expenses of my journey.
    After some little time most agreeably spent before the glass, in scarce
self-admiration, since my new dress had by much the greatest share in it, I was
sent for down to the parlour, where the old lady saluted me, and wished me joy
of my new clothes, which she was not asham'd to say, fitted me as if I had worn
nothing but the finest all my life-time; but what was it she could not see me
silly enough to swallow? At the same time, she presented me to another cousin of
her own creation, an elderly gentleman, who got up, at my entry into the room,
and on my dropping a curtsy to him, saluted me, and seemed a little affronted
that I had only presented my cheek to him: a mistake, which, if one, he
immediately corrected, by glewing his lips to mine, with an ardour which his
figure had not at all disposed me to thank him for: his figure, I say, than
which nothing could be more shocking or detestable: for ugly, and disagreeable,
were terms too gentle to convey a just idea of it.
    Imagine to yourself a man rather past threescore, short and ill-made, with a
yellow cadaverous hue, great goggling eyes that stared as if he was strangled;
an out-mouth from two more properly tusks than teeth, livid lips, and breath
like a jake's: then he had a peculiar ghastliness in his grin that made him
perfectly frightful, if not dangerous to women with child; yet, made as he was
thus in mock of man, he was so blind to his own staring deformities as to think
himself born for pleasing, and that no woman could see him with impunity: in
consequence of which idea, he had lavish'd great sums on such wretches as could
gain upon themselves to pretend love to his person, whilst to those who had not
art or patience to dissemble the horror it inspir'd, he behaved even brutally.
Impotence, more than necessity, made him seek in variety the provocative that
was wanting to raise him to the pitch of enjoyment, which too he often saw
himself baulked of, by the failure of his powers: and this always threw him into
a fit of rage, which he wreak'd, as far as he durst, on the innocent objects of
his fit of momentary desire.
    This then was the monster to which my conscientious benefactress, who had
long been his purveyor in this way, had doom'd me, and sent for me down
purposely for his examination. Accordingly she made me stand up before him,
turn'd me round, unpinn'd my handkerchief, remark'd to him the rise and fall,
the turn and whiteness of a bosom just beginning to fill; then made me walk, and
took even a handle from the rusticity of my gait, to inflame the inventory of my
charms: in short, she omitted no point of jockeyship; to which he only answer'd
by gracious nods of approbation, whilst he look'd goats and monkies at me: for I
sometimes stole a corner glance at him, and encountering his fiery, eager stare,
looked another way from pure horror and affright, which he, doubtless in
character, attributed to nothing more than maiden modesty, or at least the
affectation of it.
    However, I was soon dismiss'd, and reconducted to my room by Phoebe, who
stuck close to me, not leaving me alone and at leisure to make such reflections
as might naturally rise to any one, not an idiot, on such a scene as I had just
gone through; but to my shame be it confess'd, such was my invincible stupidity,
or rather portentous innocence, that I did not yet open my eyes to Mrs. Brown's
designs, and saw nothing in this titular cousin of hers but a shocking hideous
person which did not at all concern me, unless that my gratitude for my
benefactress made me extend my respect to all her cousinhood.
    Phoebe, however, began to sift the state and pulses of my heart towards this
monster, asking me how I should approve of such a fine gentleman for a husband?
(fine gentleman, I suppose she called him, from his being daubed with lace). I
answered her very naturally, that I had no thoughts of a husband, but that if I
was to choose one, it should be among my own degree, sure! So much had my
aversion to that wretch's hideous figure indisposed me to all fine gentlemen,
and confounded my ideas, as if those of that rank had been necessarily cast in
the same mould that he was! But Phoebe was not to be beat off so, but went on
with her endeavours to melt and soften me for the purposes of my reception into
that hospitable house: and whilst she talked of the sex in general, she had no
reason to despair of a compliance, which more than one reason showed her would
be easily enough obtained of me; but then she had too much experience not to
discover that my particular fix'd aversion to that frightful cousin would be a
block not so readily to be removed, as suited the consummation of their bargain,
and sale of me.
    Mother Brown had in the mean time agreed the terms with this liquorish old
goat, which I afterwards understood were to be fifty guineas peremptory for the
liberty of attempting me, and a hundred more at the complete gratification of
his desires, in the triumph over my virginity: and as for me, I was to be left
entirely at the discretion of his liking and generosity. This unrighteous
contract being thus settled, he was so eager to be put in possession, that he
insisted on being introduc'd to drink tea with me that afternoon, when we were
to be left alone; nor would he hearken to the procuress's remonstrances, that I
was not sufficiently prepared and ripened for such an attack; that I was too
green and untam'd, having been scarce twenty-four hours in the house: it is the
character of lust to be impatient, and his vanity arming him against any
supposition of other than the common resistance of a maid on those occasions,
made him reject all proposals of a delay, and my dreadful trial was thus fix'd,
unknown to me, for that very evening.
    At dinner, Mrs. Brown and Phoebe did nothing but run riot in praises of this
wonderful cousin, and how happy that woman would be that he would favour with
his addresses; in short my two gossips exhausted all their rhetoric to persuade
me to accept them: »that the gentleman was violently smitten with me at first
sight ... that he would make my fortune if I would be a good girl and not stand
in my own light ... that I should trust his honour ... that I should be made for
ever, and have a chariot to go abroad in ...,« with all such stuff as was fit to
turn the head of such a silly ignorant girl as I then was: but luckily here my
aversion had taken already such deep root in me, my heart was so strongly
defended from him by my senses, that wanting the art to mask my sentiments, I
gave them no hopes of their employer's succeeding, at least very easily, with
me. The glass too march'd pretty quick, with a view, I suppose, to make a friend
of the warmth of my constitution, in the minutes of the imminent attack.
    Thus they kept me pretty long at table, and about six in the evening, after
I was retired to my own apartment, and the tea board was set, enters my
venerable mistress, follow'd close by that satyr, who came in grinning in a way
peculiar to him, and by his odious presence confirm'd me in all the sentiments
of detestation which his first appearance had given birth to.
    He sat down fronting me, and all tea time kept ogling me in a manner that
gave me the utmost pain and confusion, all the marks of which he still explained
to be my bashfulness, and not being used to see company.
    Tea over, the commoding old lady pleaded urgent business (which indeed was
true) to go out, and earnestly desire'd me to entertain her cousin kindly till
she came back, both for my own sake and her's; and then with a »Pray, sir, be
very good, be very tender of the sweet child,« she went out of the room, leaving
me staring, with my mouth open, and unprepar'd, by the suddenness of her
departure, to oppose it.
    We were now alone; and on that idea a sudden fit of trembling seize'd me. I
was so afraid, without a precise notion of why, and what I had to fear, that I
sat on the settee, by the fire-side, motionless, and petrified, without life or
spirit, not knowing how to look or how to stir.
    But long I was not suffered to remain in this state of stupefaction: the
monster squatted down by me on the settee, and without farther ceremony or
preamble, flings his arms about my neck, and drawing me pretty forcibly towards
him, oblige'd me to receive, in spite of my struggles to disengage from him, his
pestilential kisses, which quite overcame me. Finding me then next to senseless,
and unresisting, he tears off my neck handkerchief, and laid all open there to
his eyes and hands: still I endur'd all without flinching, till embolden'd by my
sufferance and silence, for I had not the power to speak or cry out, he
attempted to lay me down on the settee, and I felt his hand on the lower part of
my naked thighs, which were cross'd, and which he endeavoured to unlock ... Oh
then! I was roused out of my passive endurance, and springing from him with an
activity he was not prepare'd for, threw myself at his feet, and begg'd him, in
the most moving tone, not to be rude, and that he would not hurt me: - »Hurt
you, my dear?« says the brute; »I intend you no harm ... has not the old lady
told you that I love you? ... that I shall do handsomely by you?« »She has
indeed, sir,« said I; »but I cannot love you, indeed I cannot! ... pray let me
alone ... yes! I will love you dearly if you will let me alone, and go away ...«
But I was talking to the wind; for whether my tears, my attitude, or the
disorder of my dress prov'd fresh incentives, or whether he was now under the
dominion of desires he could not bridle, but snorting and foaming with lust and
rage, he renews his attack, seizes me, and again attempts to extend and fix me
on the settee: in which he succeeded so far as to lay me along, and even to toss
my petticoats over my head, and lay my thighs bare, which I obstinately kept
close, nor could he, though he attempted with his knee to force them open,
effect it so as to stand fair for being master of the main avenue; he was
unbuttoned, both waistcoat and breeches, yet I only felt the weight of his body
upon me, whilst I lay struggling with indignation, and dying with terrors; but
he stopped all of a sudden, and got off, panting, blowing, cursing, and
repeating »old and ugly!« for so I had very naturally called him in the heat of
my defence.
    The brute had, it seems, as I afterwards understood, brought on, by his
eagerness and struggle, the ultimate period of his hot fit of lust, which his
power was too shortliv'd to carry him through the full execution of; of which my
thighs and linen received the effusion.
    When it was over he bid me, with a tone of displeasure, get up, saying that
he would not do me the honour to think of me any more ... that the old bitch
might look out for another cully ... that he would not be fool'd so by e'er a
country mock modesty in England ... that he supposed I had left my maidenhead
with some hobnail in the country, and was come to dispose of my skim-milk in
town, with a volley of the like abuse; which I listened to with more pleasure
than ever fond woman did to protestations of love from her darling minion: for,
incapable as I was of receiving any addition to my perfect hatred and aversion
to him, I look'd on this railing as my security against his renewing his most
odious caresses.
    Yet, plain as Mrs. Brown's views were now come out, I had not the heart or
spirit to open my eyes to them: still I could not part with my dependence on
that beldam, so much did I think myself her's, soul and body: or rather, I
sought to deceive myself with the continuation of my good opinion of her, and
chose to wait the worst at her hands sooner than be turn'd out to starve in the
streets, without a penny of money or a friend to apply to: these fears were my
folly.
    Whilst this confusion of ideas was passing in my head, and I sat pensive by
the fire, with my eyes brimming with tears, my neck still bare, and my cap
fall'n off in the struggle, so that my hair was in the disorder you may guess,
the villain's lust began, I suppose, to be again in flow, at the sight of all
that bloom of youth which presented itself to his view, a bloom yet unenjoy'd,
and of course not yet indifferent to him.
    After some pause, he ask'd me, with a tone of voice mightily softened,
whether I would make it up with him before the old lady returned and all should
be well; he would restore me his affections, at the same time offering to kiss
me and feel my breasts. But now my extreme aversion, my fears, my indignation,
all acting upon me, gave me a spirit not natural to me, so that breaking loose
from him, I ran to the bell and rang it, before he was aware, with such violence
and effect as brought up the maid to know what was the matter, or whether the
gentleman wanted any thing; and before he could proceed to greater extremities,
she bounc'd into the room, and seeing me stretch'd on the floor, my hair all
dishevell'd, my nose gushing out blood, which did not a little tragedize the
scene, and my odious persecutor still intent of pushing his brutal point,
unmoved by all my cries and distress, she was herself confounded and did not
know what to say.
    As much, however, as Martha might be prepared and hardened to transactions
of this sort, all womanhood must have been out of her heart, could she have seen
this unmov'd. Besides that, on the face of things, she imagined that matters had
gone greater lengths than they really had, and that the courtesy of the house
had been actually consummated on me, and flung me into the condition I was in:
in this notion she instantly took my part, and advis'd the gentleman to go down
and leave me to recover myself, and »that all would be soon over with me ...
that when Mrs. Brown and Phoebe, who were gone out, were return'd, they would
take order for every thing to his satisfaction ... that nothing would be lost by
a little patience with the poor tender thing ... that for her part she was
frighten'd ... she could not tell what to say to such doings ... but that she
would stay by me till my mistress came home.« As the wench said all this in a
resolute tone, and the monster himself began to perceive that things would not
mend by his staying, he took his hat and went out of the room, murmuring, and
pleating his brows like an old ape, so that I was delivered from the horrors of
his detestable presence.
    As soon as he was gone, Martha very tenderly offered me her assistance in
any thing, and would have got me some hartshorn drops, and put me to bed; which
last, I at first positively refused, in the fear that the monster might return
and take me at that advantage. However, with much persuasion, and assurances
that I should not be molested that night, she prevailed on me to lie down; and
indeed I was so weakened by my struggles, so dejected by my fearful
apprehensions, so terror-struck, that I had not power to sit up, or hardly to
give answers to the questions with which the curious Martha ply'd and perplex'd
me.
    Such too, and so cruel was my fate, that I dreaded the sight of Mrs. Brown,
as if I had been the criminal and she the person injur'd; a mistake which you
will not think so strange, on distinguishing that neither virtue nor principles
had the least share in the defence I had made, but only the particular aversion
I had conceiv'd against the first brutal and frightful invader of my tender
innocence.
    I pass'd then the time till Mrs. Brown's return home, under all the
agitations of fear and despair that may easily be guessed.
    About eleven at night my two ladies came home, and having receive'd rather a
favourable account from Martha, who had run down to let them in, for Mr. Crofts
(that was the name of my brute) was gone out of the house, after waiting till he
had tired his patience for Mrs. Brown's return, they came thundering up-stairs,
and seeing me pale, my face bloody, and all the marks of the most thorough
dejection, they employed themselves more to comfort and re-inspirit me, than in
making me the reproaches I was weak enough to fear, I who had so many juster and
stronger to retort upon them.
    Mrs. Brown withdrawn, Phoebe came presently to bed to me, and what with the
answers she drew from me, what with her own method of palpably satisfying
herself, she soon discovered that I had been more frighted than hurt; upon which
I suppose, being herself seize'd with sleep, and reserving her lectures and
instructions till the next morning, she left me, properly speaking, to my
unrest; for, after tossing and turning the greatest part of the night, and
tormenting myself with the falsest notions and apprehensions of things, I fell,
through mere fatigue, into a kind of delirious doze, out of which I waked late
in the morning, in a violent fever: a circumstance which was extremely critical
to reprieve me, at least for a time, from the attacks of a wretch infinitely
more terrible to me than death itself.
    The interested care that was taken of me during my illness, in order to
restore me to a condition of making good the bawd's engagements, or of enduring
further trials, had however such an effect on my grateful disposition, that I
even thought myself oblige'd to my undoers for their attention to promote my
recovery; and, above all, for the keeping out of my sight of that brutal
ravisher, the author of my disorder, on their finding I was too strongly mov'd
at the bare mention of his name.
    Youth is soon raised, and a few days were sufficient to conquer the fury of
my fever: but, what contributed most to my perfect recovery and to my
reconciliation with life, was the timely news that Mr. Crofts, who was a
merchant of considerable dealings, was arrested at the King's suit, for nearly
forty thousand pounds, on account of his driving a certain contraband trade, and
that his affairs were so desperate that even were it in his inclination, it
would not be in his power to renew his designs upon me: for he was instantly
thrown into a prison, which it was not likely he would get out of in haste.
    Mrs. Brown, who had touched his fifty guineas, advance'd to so little
purpose, and lost all hopes of the remaining hundred, began to look upon my
treatment of him with a more favourable eye; and as they had observe'd my temper
to be perfectly tractable and conformable to their views, all the girls that
compos'd her flock were suffered to visit me, and had their cue to dispose me,
by their conversation, to a perfect resignation of myself to Mrs. Brown's
direction.
    Accordingly they were let in upon me, and all that frolic and thoughtless
gaiety in which those giddy creatures consume their leisure made me envy a
condition of which I only saw the fair side; insomuch, that the being one of
them became even my ambition: a disposition which they all carefully cultivated;
and I wanted now nothing but to restore my health, that I might be able to
undergo the ceremony of the initiation.
    Conversation, example, all, in short, contributed, in that house, to corrupt
my native purity, which had taken no root in education; whilst now the
inflammable principal of pleasure, so easily fired at my age, made strange work
within me, and all the modesty I was brought up in the habit, not the
instruction of, began to melt away like dew before the sun's heat; not to
mention that I made a vice of necessity, from the constant fears I had of being
turn'd out to starve.
    I was soon pretty well recover'd, and at certain hours allow'd to range all
over the house, but cautiously kept from seeing any company till the arrival of
Lord B..., from Bath, to whom Mrs. Brown, in respect to his experienced
generosity on such occasions, proposed to offer the perusal of that trinket of
mine, which bears so great an imaginary value; and his lordship being expected
in town in less than a fortnight, Mrs. Brown judged I would be entirely renewed
in beauty and freshness by that time, and afford her the chance of a better
bargain than she had driven with Mr. Crofts.
    In the meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it, brought over, so tame
to their whistle, that, had my cage door been set open, I had no idea that I
ought to fly anywhere, sooner than stay where I was; nor had I the least sense
of regretting my condition, but waited very quietly for whatever Mrs. Brown
should order concerning me; who on her side, by herself and her agents, took
more than the necessary precautions to lull and lay asleep all just reflections
on my destination.
    Preachments of morality over the left shoulder; a life of joy painted in the
gayest colours; caresses, promises, indulgent treatment: nothing, in short, was
wanting to domesticate me entirely and to prevent my going out anywhere to get
better advice. Alas! I dream'd of no such thing.
    Hitherto I had been indebted only to the girls of the house for the
corruption of my innocence: their luscious talk, in which modesty was far from
respected, their description of their engagements with men, had given me a
tolerable insight into the nature and mysteries of their profession, at the same
time that they highly provok'd an itch of florid warm-spirited blood through
every vein: but above all, my bed-fellow Phoebe, whose pupil I more immediately
was, exerted her talents in giving me the first tinctures of pleasure: whilst
nature, now warm'd and wantoned with discoveries so interesting, piqu'd a
curiosity which Phoebe artfully whetted, and leading me from question to
question of her own suggestion, explain'd to me all the mysteries of Venus. But
I could not long remain in such a house as that, without being an eye-witness of
more than I could conceive from her descriptions.
    One day, about twelve at noon, being thoroughly recover'd of my fever, I
happen'd to be in Mrs. Brown's dark closet, where I had not been half an hour,
resting upon the maid's settle-bed, before I heard a rustling in the
bed-chamber, separated from the closet only by two sash-doors, before the
glasses of which were drawn two yellow damask curtains, but not so close as to
exclude the full view of the room from any person in the closet.
    I instantly crept softly, and posted myself so, that seeing every thing
minutely, I could not myself be seen; and who should come in but the venerable
mother Abbess herself! handed in by a tall, brawny young Horsegrenadier, moulded
in the Hercules style: in fine, the choice of the most experienced dame, in
those affairs, in all London.
    Oh! how still and hush did I keep at my stand, lest any noise should baulk
my curiosity, or bring Madam into the closet!
    But I had not much reason to fear either, for she was so entirely taken up
with her present great concern, that she had no sense of attention to spare to
any thing else.
    Droll was it to see that clumsy fat figure of hers flop down on the foot of
the bed, opposite to the closet-door, so that I had a full front-view of all her
charms.
    Her paramour sat down by her: he seemed to be a man of very few words, and a
great stomach; for proceeding instantly to essentials, he gave her some hearty
smacks, and thrusting his hands into her breasts, disengag'd them from her
stays, in scorn of whose confinement they broke loose, and swagged down,
navel-low at least. A more enormous pair did my eyes never behold, nor of a
worse colour, flagging-soft, and most lovingly contiguous: yet such as they
were, this neck-beef eater seem'd to paw them with a most uninvitable gust,
seeking in vain to confine or cover one of them with a hand scarce less than a
shoulder of mutton. After toying with them thus some time, as if they had been
worth it, he laid her down pretty briskly, and canting up her petticoats, made
barely a mask of them to her broad red face, that blush'd with nothing but
brandy.
    As he stood on one side, for a minute or so, unbuttoning his waist-coat and
breeches, her fat, brawny thighs hung down, and the whole greasy landscape lay
fairly open to my view; a wide open-mouth'd gap, overshaded with a grizzly bush,
seemed held out like a beggar's wallet for its provision.
    But I soon had my eyes called off by a more striking object, that entirely
engross'd them.
    Her sturdy stallion had now unbutton'd, and produced naked, stiff, and
erect, that wonderful machine, which I had never seen before, and which, for the
interest my own seat of pleasure began to take furiously in it, I star'd at with
all the eyes I had: however, my senses were too much flurried, too much
concenter'd in that now burning spot of mine, to observe any thing more than in
general the make and turn of that instrument, from which the instinct of nature,
yet more than all I had heard of it, now strongly informed me I was to expect
that supreme pleasure which she had placed in the meeting of those parts so
admirably fitted for each other.
    Long, however, the young spark did not remain before giving it two or three
shakes, by way of brandishing it; he threw himself upon her, and his back being
now towards me, I could only take his being ingulph'd for granted, by the
directions he mov'd in, and the impossibility of missing so staring a mark; and
now the bed shook, the curtains rattled so, that I could scarce hear the sighs
and murmurs, the heaves and pantings that accompanied the action, from the
beginning to the end; the sound and sight of which thrill'd to the very soul of
me, and made every vein of my body circulate liquid fires: the emotion grew so
violent that it almost intercepted my respiration.
    Prepared then, and disposed as I was by the discourse of my companions, and
Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder that such a sight gave the last
dying blow to my native innocence.
    Whilst they were in the heat of the action, guided by nature only, I stole
my hand up my petticoats, and with fingers all on fire, seized, and yet more
inflamed that centre of all my senses: my heart palpitated, as if it would force
its way through my bosom; I breath'd with pain; I twisted my thighs, squeezed,
and compressed the lips of that virgin slit, and following mechanically the
example of Phoebe's manual operation on it, as far as I could find admission,
brought on at last the critical ecstasy, the melting flow, into which nature,
spent with excess of pleasure, dissolves and dies away.
    After which, my senses recover'd coolness enough to observe the rest of the
transaction between this happy pair.
    The young fellow had just dismounted, when the old lady immediately sprung
up, with all the vigour of youth, derived, no doubt, from her late refreshment;
and making him sit down, began in her turn to kiss him, to pat and pinch his
cheeks, and play with his hair: all which he receive'd with an air of
indifference and coolness, that show'd him to me much altered from what he was
when he first went on to the breach.
    My pious governess, however, not being above calling in auxiliaries, unlocks
a little case of cordials that stood near the bed, and made him pledge her in a
very plentiful dram: after which, and a little amorous parley, Madam sat herself
down upon the same place, at the bed's foot; and the young fellow standing
sideway by her, she, with the greatest effrontery imaginable, unbuttons his
breeches, and removing his shirt, draws out his affair, so shrunk and
diminish'd, that I could not but remember the difference, now crestfallen, or
just faintly lifting its head: but our experienc'd matron very soon, by chafing
it with her hands, brought it to swell to that size and erection I had before
seen it up to.
    I admired then, upon a fresh account, and with a nicer survey, the texture
of that capital part of man: the flaming red head as it stood uncapt, the
whiteness of the shaft, and the shrub growth of curling hair that embrowned the
roots of it, the roundish bag that dangled down from it, all exacted my eager
attention, and renewed my flame. But, as the main affair was now at the point
the industrious dame had laboured to bring it to, she was not in the humour to
put off the payment of her pains, but laying herself down, drew him gently upon
her, and thus they finish'd, in the same manner as before, the old last act.
    This over, they both went out lovingly together, the old lady having first
made him a present, as near as I could observe, of three or four pieces; he
being not only her particular favourite on account of his performances, but a
retainer to the house; from whose sight she had taken great care hitherto to
secrete me, lest he might not have had patience to wait for my lord's arrival,
but have insisted on being his taster, which the old lady was under too much
subjection to him to dare dispute with him; for every girl of the house fell to
him in course, and the old lady only now and then got her turn, in consideration
of the maintenance he had, and which he could scarce be accused of not earning
from her.
    As soon as I heard them go down-stairs, I stole up softly to my own room,
out of which I had luckily not been miss'd; there I began to breathe freer, and
to give a loose to those warm emotions which the sight of such an encounter had
raised in me. I laid me down on the bed, stretched myself out, joining and
ardently wishing, and requiring any means to divert or allay the rekindled rage
and tumult of my desires, which all pointed strongly to their pole: man. I felt
about the bed as if I sought for something that I grasp'd in my waking dream,
and not finding it, could have cry'd for vexation; every part of me glowing with
stimulating fires. At length, I resorted to the only present remedy, that of
vain attempts at digitation, where the smallness of the theatre did not yet
afford room enough for action, and where the pain my fingers gave me, in
striving for admission, tho' they procured me a slight satisfaction for the
present, started an apprehension, which I could not be easy till I had
communicated to Phoebe, and received her explanations upon it.
    The opportunity, however, did not offer till next morning, for Phoebe did
not come to bed till long after I was gone to sleep. As soon then as we were
both awake, it was but in course to bring our ly-a-bed chat to land on the
subject of my uneasiness: to which a recital of the love scene I had thus, by
chance, been spectatress of, serve'd for a preface.
    Phoebe could not hear it to the end without more than one interruption by
peals of laughter, and my ingenuous way of relating matters did not a little
heighten the joke to her.
    But, on her sounding me how the sight had affected me, without mincing or
hiding the pleasurable emotions it had inspir'd me with, I told her at the same
time that one remark had perplex'd me, and that very considerably. - »Aye!« says
she, »what was that?« - »Why,« replied I, »having very curiously and attentively
compared the size of that enormous machine, which did not appear, at least to my
fearful imagination, less than my wrist, and at least three of my handfuls long,
to that of the tender small part of me which was framed to receive it, I can not
conceive its being possible to afford it entrance without dying, perhaps in the
greatest pain, since you well know that even a finger thrust in there hurts me
beyond bearing ... As to my mistress's and yours, I can plainly distinguish the
different dimensions of them from mine, palpable to the touch, and visible to
the eye; so that, in short, great as the promise'd pleasure may be, I am afraid
of the pain of the experiment.«
    Phoebe at this redoubled her laugh, and whilst I expected a very serious
solution of my doubts and apprehensions in this matter, only told me that she
never heard of a mortal wound being given in those parts by that terrible
weapon, and that some she knew younger, and as delicately made as myself, had
outlived the operation; that she believed, at the worst, I should take a great
deal of killing; that true it was, there was a great diversity of sizes in those
parts, owing to nature, child-bearing, frequent over-stretching with unmerciful
machines, but that at a certain age and habit of body, even the most experienc'd
in those affairs could not well distinguish between the maid and the woman,
supposing too an absence of all artifice, and things in their natural situation:
but that since chance had thrown in my way one sight of that sort, she would
procure me another, that should feast my eyes more delicately, and go a great
way in the cure of my fears from that imaginary disproportion.
    On this she asked me if I knew Polly Philips. »Undoubtedly,« says I, »the
fair girl which was so tender of me when I was sick, and has been, as you told
me, but two months in the house.« »The same,« says Phoebe. »You must know then,
she is kept by a young Genoese merchant, whom his uncle, who is immensely rich,
and whose darling he is, sent over here with an English merchant, his friend, on
a pretext of settling some accounts, but in reality to humour his inclinations
for travelling, and seeing the world. He met casually with this Polly once in
company, and taking a liking to her, makes it worth her while to keep entirely
to him. He comes to her here twice or thrice a week, and she receives him in her
light closet up one pair of stairs, where he enjoys her in a taste, I suppose,
peculiar to the heat, or perhaps the caprices of his own country. I say no more,
but to-morrow being his day, you shall see what passes between them, from a
place only known to your mistress and myself.«
    You may be sure, in the ply I was now taking, I had no objection to the
proposal, and was rather a tip-toe for its accomplishment.
    At five in the evening, next day, Phoebe, punctual to her promise, came to
me as I sat alone in my own room, and beckon'd me to follow her.
    We went down the back-stairs very softly, and opening the door of a dark
closet, where there was some old furniture kept, and some cases of liquor, she
drew me in after her, and fastening the door upon us, we had no light but what
came through a long crevice in the partition between ours and the light closet,
where the scene of action lay; so that sitting on those low cases, we could,
with the greatest ease, as well as clearness, see all objects (ourselves
unseen), only by applying our eyes close to the crevice, where the moulding of a
panel had warped, or started a little on the other side.
    The young gentleman was the first person I saw, with his back directly
towards me, looking at a print. Polly was not yet come: in less than a minute
tho', the door opened, and she came in; and at the noise the door made he turned
about, and came to meet her, with an air of the greatest tenderness and
satisfaction.
    After saluting her, he led her to a couch that fronted us, where they both
sat down, and the young Genoese help'd her to a glass of wine, with some Naples
bisket on a salver.
    Presently, when they had exchanged a few kisses, and questions in broken
English on one side, he began to unbutton, and, in fine, stripped to his shirt.
    As if this had been the signal agreed on for pulling off all their clothes,
a scheme which the heat of the season perfectly favoured, Polly began to draw
her pins, and as she had no stays to unlace, she was in a trice, with her
gallant's officious assistance, undress'd to all but her shift.
    When he saw this, his breeches were immediately loosen'd, waist and knee
bands, and slipped over his ankles, clean off; his shirt collar was unbuttoned
too: then, first giving Polly an encouraging kiss, he stole, as it were, the
shift off the girl, who being, I suppose, broke and familiariz'd to this humour,
blush'd indeed, but less than I did at the apparition of her, now standing
starknaked, just as she came out of the hands of pure nature, with her black
hair loose and a-float down her dazzling white neck and shoulders, whilst the
deepen'd carnation of her cheeks went off gradually into the hue of glaz'd snow:
for such were the blended tints and polish of her skin.
    This girl could not be above eighteen: her face regular and sweet-featur'd,
her shape exquisite; nor could I help envying her two ripe enchanting breasts,
finely plump'd out in flesh, but withal so round, so firm, that they sustain'd
themselves, in scorn of any stay: then their nipples, pointing different ways,
mark'd their pleasing separation; beneath them lay the delicious tract of the
belly, which terminated in a parting or rift scarce discernible, that modestly
seem'd to retire downwards, and seek shelter between two plump fleshy thighs:
the curling hair that overspread its delightful front, clothed it with the
richest sable fur in the universe: in short, she was evidently a subject for the
painters to court her sitting to them for a pattern of female beauty, in all the
true pride and pomp of nakedness.
    The young Italian (still in his shirt) stood gazing and transported at the
sight of beauties that might have fir'd a dying hermit; his eager eyes devour'd
her, as she shifted attitudes at his discretion: neither were his hands excluded
their share of the high feast, but wander'd, on the hunt of pleasure, over every
part and inch of her body, so qualified to afford the most exquisite sense of
it.
    In the mean time, one could not help observing the swell of his shirt
before, that bolster'd out, and showed the condition of things behind the
curtain: but he soon remove'd it, by slipping his shirt over his head; and now,
as to nakedness, they had nothing to reproach one another.
    The young gentleman, by Phoebe's guess, was about two and twenty; tall and
well limb'd. His body was finely form'd, and of a most vigorous make,
square-shoulder'd, and broad-chested: his face was not remarkable in any way,
but for a nose inclining to the Roman, eyes large, black, and sparkling, and a
ruddiness in his cheeks that was the more a grace, for his complexion was of the
brownest, not of that dusky dun colour which excludes the idea of freshness, but
of that clear, olive gloss which, glowing with life, dazzles perhaps less than
fairness, and yet pleases more, when it pleases at all. His hair, being too
short to tie, fell no lower than his neck, in short easy curls; and he had a few
sprigs about his paps, that garnish'd his chest in a style of strength and
manliness. Then his grand movement, which seem'd to rise out of a thicket of
curling hair that spread from the root all round thighs and belly up to the
navel, stood stiff and upright, but of a size to frighten me, by sympathy, for
the small tender part which was the object of its fury, and which now lay
expos'd to my fairest view; for he had, immediately on stripping off his shirt,
gently push'd her down on the couch, which stood conveniently to break her
willing fall. Her thighs were spread out to their utmost extension, and
discovered between them the mark of the sex, the red-centre'd cleft of flesh,
whose lips, vermilioning inwards, expressed a small rubid line in sweet miniature,
such as Guido's touch of colouring could never attain to the life or delicacy
of.
    Phoebe, at this, gave me a gentle jog, to prepare me for a whispered
question: whether I thought my little maidenhead was much less? But my attention
was too much engross'd, too much enwrapp'd with all I saw, to be able to give
her any answer.
    By this time the young gentleman had changed her posture from lying breadth
to length-wise on the couch: but her thighs were still spread, and the mark lay
fair for him, who now kneeling between them, display'd to us a side-view of that
fierce erect machine of his, which threaten'd no less than splitting the tender
victim, who lay smiling at the uplifted stroke, nor seem'd to decline it. He
looked upon his weapon himself with some pleasure, and guiding it with his hand
to the inviting slit, drew aside the lips, and lodge'd it (after some thrusts,
which Polly seem'd even to assist) about half way; but there it stuck, I suppose
from its growing thickness: he draws it again, and just wetting it with spittle,
re-enters, and with ease sheath'd it now up to the hilt, at which Polly gave a
deep sigh, which was quite another tone than one of pain; he thrusts, she
heaves, at first gently, and in a regular cadence; but presently the transport
began to be too violent to observe any order or measure; their motions were too
rapid, their kisses too fierce and fervent for nature to support such fury long:
both seem'd to me out of themselves: their eyes darted fires: »Oh! ... oh! ... I
can't bear it ... It is too much ... I die ... I am going ...« were Polly's
expressions of ecstasy: his joys were more silent; but soon broken murmurs, sighs
heart-fetch'd, and at length a dispatching thrust, as if he would have forced
himself up her body, and then motionless languor of all his limbs, all showed
that the die-away moment was come upon him; which she gave signs of joining
with, by the wild throwing of her hands about, closing her eyes, and giving a
deep sob, in which she seemed to expire in an agony of bliss.
    When he had finish'd his stroke, and got from off her, she lay still without
the least motion, breathless, as it should seem, with pleasure. He replaced her
again breadth-wise on the couch, unable to sit up, with her thighs open, between
which I could observe a kind of white liquid, like froth, hanging about the
outward lips of that recently opened wound, which now glowed with a deeper red.
Presently she gets up, and throwing her arms round him, seemed far from
undelighted with the trial he had put her to, to judge at least by the fondness
with which she ey'd and hung upon him.
    For my part, I will not pretend to describe what I felt all over me during
this scene; but from that instant, adieu all fears of what man could do unto me;
they were now changed into such ardent desires, such ungovernable longings, that
I could have pull'd the first of that sex that should present himself, by the
sleeve, and offered him the bauble, which I now imagined the loss of would be a
gain I could not too soon procure myself.
    Phoebe, who had more experience, and to whom such sights were not so new,
could not however be unmoved at so warm a scene; and drawing me away softly from
the peep-hole, for fear of being over-heard, guided me as near the door as
possible, all passive and obedient to her least signals.
    Here was no room either to sit or lie, but making me stand with my back
towards the door, she lifted up my petticoats, and with her busy fingers fell to
visit and explore that part of me where now the heat and irritations were so
violent that I was perfectly sick and ready to die with desire; that the bare
touch of her finger, in that critical place, had the effect of a fire to a
train, and her hand instantly made her sensible to what a pitch I was wound up,
and melted by the sight she had thus procured me. Satisfied then with her
success in allaying a heat that would have made me impatient of seeing the
continuation of the transactions between our amourous couple, she brought me
again to the crevice so favourable to our curiosity.
    We had certainly been but a few instants away from it, and yet on our return
we saw every thing in good forwardness for recommencing the tender hostilities.
    The young foreigner was sitting down, fronting us, on the couch, with Polly
upon one knee, who had her arms round his neck, whilst the extreme whiteness of
her skin was not undelightfully contrasted by the smooth glossy brown of her
lover's.
    But who could count the fierce, unnumber'd kisses given and taken? in which
I could often discover their exchanging the velvet thrust, when both their
mouths were double tongued, and seemed to favour the mutual insertion with the
greatest gust and delight.
    In the mean time, his red-headed champion, that has so lately fled the pit,
quell'd and abash'd, was now recover'd to the top of his condition, perk'd and
crested up between Polly's thighs, who was not wanting, on her part, to coax and
keep it in good humour, stroking it, with her head down, and received even its
velvet tip between the lips of not its proper mouth: whether she did this out of
any particular pleasure, or whether it was to render it more glib and easy of
entrance, I could not tell; but it had such an effect, that the young gentleman
seem'd by his eyes, that sparkled with more excited lustre, and his inflamed
countenance, to receive increase of pleasure. He got up, and taking Polly in his
arms, embraced her, and said something too softly for me to hear, leading her
withal to the foot of the couch, and taking delight to slap her thighs and
posteriors with that stiff sinew of his, which hit them with a spring that he
gave it with his hand, and made them resound again, but hurt her about as much
as he meant to hurt her, for she seemed to have as frolic a taste as himself.
    But guess my surprise, when I saw the lazy young rogue lie down on his back,
and gently pull down Polly upon him, who giving way to his humour, straddled,
and with her hands conducted her blind favourite to the right place; and
following her impulse, ran directly upon the flaming point of this weapon of
pleasure, which she stak'd herself upon, up pierc'd, and infix'd to the
extremest hair-breadth of it: thus she sat on him a few instants, enjoying and
relishing her situation, whilst he toyed with her provoking breasts. Sometimes
she would stoop to meet his kiss: but presently the sting of pleasure spurr'd
them up to fiercer action; then began the storm of heaves, which, from the
undermost combatant, were thrusts at the same time, he crossing his hands over
her, and drawing her home to him with a sweet violence: the inverted strokes of
anvil over hammer soon brought on the critical period, in which all the signs of
a close conspiring ecstasy informed us of the point they were at.
    For me, I could bear to see no more; I was so overcome, so inflamed at the
second part of the same play, that, mad to an intolerable degree, I hugg'd, I
clasped Phoebe, as if she had wherewithal to relieve me. Pleased however with,
and pitying the taking she could feel me in, she drew me towards the door, and
opening it as softly as she could, we both got off undiscover'd, and she
reconducted me to my own room, where, unable to keep my legs, in the agitation I
was in, I instantly threw myself down on the bed, where I lay transported,
though asham'd at what I felt.
    Phoebe lay down by me, and ask'd me archly if, now that I had seen the
enemy, and fully considered him, I was still afraid of him? or did I think I
could venture to come to a close engagement with him? To all which, not a word
on my side; I sigh'd, and could scarce breathe. She takes hold of my hand, and
having roll'd up her own petticoats, forced it half strivingly towards those
parts, where, now grown more knowing, I miss'd the main object of my wishes; and
finding not even the shadow of what I wanted, where every thing was so flat, or
so hollow, in the vexation I was in at it, I should have withdrawn my hand but
for fear of disobliging her. Abandoning it then entirely to her management, she
made use of it as she thought proper, to procure herself rather the shadow than
the substance of any pleasure. For my part, I now pin'd for more solid food, and
promise'd tacitly to myself that I would not be put off much longer with this
foolery from woman to woman, if Mrs. Brown did not soon provide me with the
essential specific. In short, I had all the air of not being able to wait the
arrival of my lord B..., tho' he was now expected in a very few days: nor did I
wait for him, for love itself took charge of the disposal of me, in spite of
interest, or gross lust.
    It was now two days after the closet-scene, that I got up about six in the
morning, and leaving my bed-fellow fast asleep, stole down, with no other
thought than of taking a little fresh air in a small garden, which our
backparlour open'd into, and from which my confinement debarr'd me at the times
company came to the house; but now sleep and silence reign'd all over it.
    I open'd the parlour door, and well Surprise'd was I at seeing, by the side
of a fire half-out, a young gentleman in the old lady's elbow chair, with his
legs laid upon another, fast asleep, and left there by his thoughtless
companions, who had drank him down, and then went off with every one his
mistress, whilst he stay'd behind by the courtesy of the old matron, who would
not disturb or turn him out in that condition, at one in the morning; and beds,
it is more than probable, there were none to spare. On the table still remain'd
the punch bowl and glasses, strew'd about in their usual disorder after a
drunken revel.
    But when I drew nearer, to view the sleeping one, heavens! what a sight! No!
no term of years, no turn of fortune could ever erase the lightning-like
impression his form made on me ... Yes! dearest object of my earliest passion, I
command for ever the remembrance of thy first appearance to my ravish'd eyes ...
it calls thee up, present; and I see thee now!
    Figure to yourself, Madam, a fair stripling, between eighteen and nineteen,
with his head reclin'd on one of the sides of the chair, his hair in disorder'd
curls, irregularly shading a face on which all the roseate bloom of youth and
all the manly graces conspired to fix my eyes and heart. Even the languor and
paleness of his face, in which the momentary triumph of the lily over the rose
was owing to the excesses of the night, gave an inexpressible sweetness to the
finest features imaginable: his eyes, closed in sleep, displayed the meeting
edges of their lids beautifully bordered with long eyelashes; over which no
pencil could have described two more regular arches than those that grac'd his
forehead, which was high, perfectly white and smooth. Then a pair of vermilion
lips, pouting and swelling to the touch, as if a bee had freshly stung them,
seem'd to challenge me to get the gloves off this lovely sleeper, had not the
modesty and respect, which in both sexes are inseparable from a true passion,
check'd my impulses.
    But on seeing his shirt-collar unbutton'd, and a bosom whiter than a drift
of snow, the pleasure of considering it could not bribe me to lengthen it, at
the hazard of a health that began to be my life's concern. Love, that made me
timid, taught me to be tender too. With a trembling hand I took hold of one of
his, and waking him as gently as possible, he started, and looking, at first a
little wildly, said with a voice that sent its harmonious sound to my heart:
»Pray, child, what o'clock is it?« I told him, and added that he might catch
cold if he slept longer with his breast open in the cool of the morning air. On
this he thanked me with a sweetness perfectly agreeing with that of his features
and eyes; the last now broad open, and eagerly surveying me, carried the
sprightly fires they sparkled with directly to my heart.
    It seems that having drank too freely before he came upon the rake with some
of his young companions, he had put himself out of a condition to go through all
the weapons with them, and crown the night with getting a mistress; so that
seeing me in a loose undress, he did not doubt but I was one of the misses of
the house, sent in to repair his loss of time; but though he seize'd that notion,
and a very obvious one it was, without hesitation, yet, whether my figure made a
more than ordinary impression on him, or whether it was natural politeness, he
address'd me in a manner far from rude, tho' still on the foot of one of the
house pliers, come to amuse him; and giving me the first kiss that I ever
relish'd from man in my life, ask'd me if I could favour him with my company,
assuring me that he would make it worth my while: but had not even new-born
love, that true refiner of lust, oppos'd so sudden a surrender, the fear of
being Surprise'd by the house was a sufficient bar to my compliance.
    I told him then, in a tone set me by love itself, that for reasons I had not
time to explain to him, I could not stay with him, and might not even ever see
him again: with a sigh at these last words, which broke from the bottom of my
heart. My conqueror, who, as he afterwards told me, had been struck with my
appearance, and lik'd me as much as he could think of liking any one in my
suppose'd way of life, ask'd me briskly at once if I would be kept by him, and
that he would take a lodging for me directly, and relieve me from any
engagements he presum'd I might be under to the house. Rash, sudden, undigested,
and even dangerous as this offer might be from a perfect stranger, and that
stranger a giddy boy, the prodigious love I was struck with for him had put a
charm into his voice there was no resisting, and blinded me to every objection;
I could, at that instant, have died for him: think if I could resist an
invitation to live with him! Thus my heart, beating strong to the proposal,
dictated my answer, after scarce a minute's pause, that I would accept of his
offer, and make my escape to him in what way he pleased, and that I would be
entirely at his disposal, let it be good or bad. I have often since wondered
that so great an easiness did not disgust him, or make me too cheap in his eyes,
but my fate had so appointed it, that in his fears of the hazard of the town, he
had been some time looking out for a girl to take into keeping, and my person
happening to hit his fancy, it was by one of those miracles reserved to love
that we struck the bargain in the instant, which we sealed by an exchange of
kisses, that the hopes of a more uninterrupted enjoyment engaged him to content
himself with.
    Never, however, did dear youth carry in his person, more wherewith to
justify the turning of a girl's head, and making her set all consequences at
defiance for the sake of following a gallant.
    For, besides all the perfections of manly beauty which were assembled in his
form, he had an air of neatness and gentility, a certain smartness in the
carriage and port of his head, that yet more distinguish'd him; his eyes were
sprightly and full of meaning; his looks had in them something at once sweet and
commanding. His complexion out-bloom'd the lovely-colour'd rose, whilst its
inimitable tender vivid glow clearly save'd it from the reproach of wanting life,
of raw and dough-like, which is commonly made to those so extremely fair as he
was.
    Our little plan was that I should get out about seven the next morning
(which I could readily promise, as I knew where to get the key of the street-
and he would wait at the end of the street with a coach to convey me safe off;
after which, he would send, and clear any debt incurr'd by my stay at Mrs.
Brown's, who, he only judged, in gross, might not care to part with one he
thought so fit to draw custom to the house.
    I then just hinted to him not to mention in the house his having seen such a
person as me, for reasons I would explain to him more at leisure. And then, for
fear of miscarrying, by being seen together, I tore myself from him with a
bleeding heart, and stole up softly to my room, where I found Phoebe still fast
asleep, and hurrying off my few clothes, lay down by her, with a mixture of joy
and anxiety that may be easier conceived than express'd.
    The risks of Mrs. Brown's discovering my purpose, of disappointments,
misery, ruin, all vanish'd before this new-kindl'd flame. The seeing, the
touching, the being, if but for a night, with this idol of my fond virgin-heart,
appeared to me a happiness above the purchase of my liberty or life. He might
use me ill, let him! he was the master; happy, too happy, even to receive death
at so dear a hand.
    To this purpose were the reflections of the whole day, of which every minute
seem'd to me a little eternity. How often did I visit the clock! nay, was
tempted to advance the tedious hand, as if that would have advance'd the time
with it! Had those of the house made the least observations on me, they must
have remark'd something extraordinary from the discomposure I could not help
betraying; especially when at dinner mention was made of the charmingest youth
having been there, and stay'd breakfast. »Oh! he was such a beauty! ... I should
have died for him! ... they would pull caps for him! ...« and the like
fooleries, which, however, was throwing oil on a fire I was sorely put to it to
smother the blaze of.
    The fluctuations of my mind, the whole day, produc'd one good effect: which
was, that, through mere fatigue, I slept tolerably well till five in the
morning, when I got up, and having dress'd myself, waited, under the double
tortures of fear and impatience, for the appointed hour. It came at last, the
dear, critical, dangerous hour came; and now, supported only by the courage love
lent me, I ventured, a tip-toe, down-stairs, leaving my box behind, for fear of
being Surprise'd with it in going out.
    I got to the street-door, the key whereof was always laid on the chair by
our bed-side, in trust with Phoebe, who having not the least suspicion of my
entertaining any design to go from them (nor indeed had I but the day before),
made no reserve or concealment of it from me. I open'd the door with great ease;
love, that embolden'd, protected me too: and now, got safe into the street, I
saw my new guardian-angel waiting at a coach-door, ready open. How I got to him
I know not: I suppose I flew; but I was in the coach in a trice, and he by the
side of me, with his arms clasp'd round me, and giving me the kiss of welcome.
The coachman had his orders, and drove to them.
    My eyes were instantly fill'd with tears, but tears of the most delicious
delight; to find myself in the arms of that beauteous youth was a rapture that
my little heart swam in. Past or future were equally out of the question with
me. The present was as much as all my powers of life were sufficient to bear the
transport of, without fainting. Nor were the most tender embraces, the most
soothing expressions wanting on his side, to assure me of his love, and of never
giving me cause to repent the bold step I had taken, in throwing myself thus
entirely upon his honour and generosity. But, alas! this was no merit in me, for
I was drove to it by a passion too impetuous for me to resist, and I did what I
did because I could not help it.
    In an instant, for time was now annihilated with me, we landed at a public
house in Chelsea, hospitably commodious for the reception of duet-parties of
pleasure, where a breakfast of chocolate was prepared for us.
    An old jolly stager, who kept it, and understood life perfectly well,
breakfasted with us, and leering archly at me, gave us both joy, and said we
were well paired, i' faith! that a great many gentlemen and ladies used his
house, but he had never seen a handsomer couple ... he was sure I was a fresh
piece ... I look'd so country, so innocent! well my spouse was a lucky man! ...
all which common landlord's cant not only pleas'd and sooth'd me, but help'd to
divert my confusion at being with my new sovereign, whom, now the minute
approach'd, I began to fear to be alone with: a timidity which true love had a
greater share in than even maiden bashfulness.
    I wish'd, I doted, I could have died for him; and yet, I know not how, or
why, I dreaded the point which had been the object of my fiercest wishes; my
pulses beat fears, amidst a flush of the warmest desires. This struggle of the
passions, however, this conflict betwixt modesty and lovesick longings, made me
burst again into tears; which he took, as he had done before, only for the
remains of concern and emotion at the suddenness of my change of condition, in
committing myself to his care; and, in consequence of that idea, did and said
all that he thought would most comfort and re-inspirit me.
    After breakfast, Charles (the dear familiar name I must take the liberty
henceforward to distinguish my Adonis by), with a smile full of meaning, took me
gently by the hand, and said: »Come, my dear, I will show you a room that
commands a fine prospect over some gardens«; and without waiting for an answer,
in which he relieved me extremely, he led me up into a chamber, airy and
lightsome, where all seeing of prospects was out of the question, except that of
a bed, which had all the air of having recommended the room to him.
    Charles had just slipp'd the bolt of the door, and running, caught me in his
arms, and lifting me from the ground, with his lips glew'd to mine, bore me,
trembling, panting, dying, with soft fears and tender wishes, to the bed; where
his impatience would not suffer him to undress me, more than just unpinning my
handkerchief and gown, and unlacing my stays.
    My bosom was now bare, and rising in the warmest throbs, presented to his
sight and feeling the firm hard swell of a pair of young breasts, such as may be
imagine'd of a girl not sixteen, fresh out of the country, and never before
handled; but even their pride, whiteness, fashion, pleasing resistance to the
touch, could not bribe his restless hands from roving; but, giving them the
loose, my petticoats and shift were soon taken up, and their stronger centre of
attraction laid open to their tender invasion. My fears, however, made me
mechanically close my thighs; but the very touch of his hand insinuated between
them, disclosed them and opened a way for the main attack.
    In the mean time, I lay fairly exposed to the examination of his eyes and
hands, quiet and unresisting; which confirm'd him the opinion he proceeded so
cavalierly upon, that I was no novice in these matters, since he had taken me
out of a common bawdy-house, nor had I said one thing to prepossess him of my
virginity; and if I had, he would sooner have believe'd that I took him for a
cully that would swallow such an improbability, than that I was still mistress
of that darling treasure, that hidden mine, so eagerly sought after by the men,
and which they never dig for, but to destroy.
    Being now too high wound up to bear a delay, he unbutton'd, and drawing out
the engine of love-assaults, drove it currently, as at a ready-made breach ...
Then! then! for the first time, did I feel that stiff horn-hard gristle,
battering against the tender part; but imagine to yourself his surprise when he
found, after several vigorous pushes which hurt me extremely, that he made not
the least impression.
    I complain'd but tenderly complain'd that I could not bear it ... indeed he
hurt me! ... Still he thought no more than that being so young, the largeness of
his machine (for few men could dispute size with him) made all the difficulty;
and that possibly I had not been enjoy'd by any so advantageously made in that
part as himself: for still, that my virgin flower was yet uncrop'd, never
enter'd into his head, and he would have thought it idling with time and words
to have question'd me upon it.
    He tries again, still no admittance, still no penetration; but he had hurt
me yet more, whilst my extreme love made me bear extreme pain, almost without a
groan. At length, after repeated fruitless trials, he lay down panting by me,
kiss'd my falling tears, and ask'd me tenderly what was the meaning of so much
complaining? and if I had not borne it better from others than I did from him? I
answered, with a simplicity fram'd to persuade, that he was the first man that
ever serve'd me so. Truth is powerful, and it is not always that we do not
believe what we eagerly wish.
    Charles, already dispos'd by the evidence of his senses to think my
pretences to virginity not entirely apocryphal, smothers me with kisses, begs
me, in the name of love, to have a little patience, and that he will be as
tender of hurting me as he would be of himself.
    Alas! it was enough I knew his pleasure to submit joyfully to him, whatever
pain I foresaw it would cost me.
    He now resumes his attempts in more form: first, he put one of the pillows
under me, to give the blank of his aim a more favourable elevation, and another
under my head, in ease of it; then spreading my thighs, and placing himself
standing between them, made them rest upon his hips; applying then the point of
his machine to the slit, into which he sought entrance: it was so small, he
could scarce assure himself of its being rightly pointed. He looks, he feels,
and satisfies himself: the driving forward with fury, its prodigious stiffness,
thus impacted, wedgelike, breaks the union of those parts, and gain'd him just
the insertion of the tip of it, lip-deep; which being sensible of, he improved
his advantage, and following well his stroke, in a straight line, forcibly
deepens his penetration; but put me to such intolerable pain, from the
separation of the sides of that soft passage by a hard thick body, I could have
scream'd out; but, as I was unwilling to alarm the house, I held in my breath,
and cramm'd my petticoat, which was turn'd up over my face, into my mouth, and
bit it through in the agony. At length, the tender texture of that tract giving
way to such fierce tearing and rending, he pierc'd something further into me:
and now, outrageous and no longer his own master, but borne headlong away by the
fury and over-mettle of that member, now exerting itself with a kind of native
rage, he breaks in, carries all before him, and one violent merciless lunge sent
it, imbrew'd, and reeking with virgin blood, up to the very hilt in me ... Then!
then all my resolution deserted me: I scream'd out, and fainted away with the
sharpness of the pain; and, as he told me afterwards, on his drawing out, when
emission was over with him, my thighs were instantly all in a stream of blood
that flow'd from the wounded torn passage.
    When I recover'd my senses, I found myself undress'd, and a-bed, in the arms
of the sweet relenting murderer of my virginity, who hung mourning tenderly over
me, and holding in his hand a cordial, which, coming from the still dear author
of so much pain, I could not refuse; my eyes, however, moisten'd with tears, and
languishingly turn'd upon him, seemed to reproach him with his cruelty, and ask
him if such were the rewards of love. But Charles, to whom I was now infinitely
endear'd by this complete triumph over a maidenhead, where he so little expected
to find one, in tenderness to that pain which he had put me to, in procuring
himself the height of pleasure, smother'd his exultation, and employ'd himself
with so much sweetness, so much warmth, to sooth, to caress, and comfort me in
my soft complainings, which breath'd, indeed, more love than resentment, that I
presently drown'd all sense of pain in the pleasure of seeing him, of thinking
that I belong'd to him: he who was now the absolute disposer of my happiness,
and, in one word, my fate.
    The sore was, however, too tender, the wound too bleeding fresh, for
Charles's good-nature to put my patience presently to another trial; but as I
could not stir, or walk across the room, he order'd the dinner to be brought to
the bed-side, where it could not be otherwise than my getting down the wing of a
fowl, and two or three glasses of wine, since it was my ador'd youth who both
serve'd, and urged them on me, with that sweet irresistible authority with which
love had invested him over me.
    After dinner, and as everything but the wine was taken away, Charles very
impudently asks a leave, he might read the grant of in my eyes, to come to bed
to me, and accordingly falls to undressing; which I could not see the progress
of without strange emotions of fear and pleasure.
    He is now in bed with me the first time, and in broad day; but when
thrusting up his own shirt and my shift, he laid his naked glowing body to mine
... oh! insupportable delight! oh! superhuman rapture! what pain could stand
before a pleasure so transporting? I felt no more the smart of my wounds below;
but, curling round him like the tendril of a vine, as if I fear'd any part of
him should be untouch'd or unpress'd by me, I return'd his strenuous embraces
and kisses with a fervour and gust only known to true love, and which mere lust
could never rise to.
    Yes, even at this time, when all the tyranny of the passions is fully over
and my veins roll no longer but a cold tranquil stream, the remembrance of those
passages that most affected me in my youth, still cheers and refreshes me. Let
me proceed then. My beauteous youth was now glew'd to me in all the folds and
twists that we could make our bodies meet in; when, no longer able to rein in
the fierceness of refresh'd desires, he gives his steed the head and gently
insinuating his thighs between mine, stopping my mouth with kisses of humid
fire, makes a fresh irruption, and renewing his thrusts, pierces, tears, and
forces his way up the torn tender folds that yielded him admission with a smart
little less severe that when the breach was first made. I stifled, however, my
cries, and bore him with the passive fortitude of a heroine; soon his thrusts,
more and more furious, cheeks flush'd with a deeper scarlet, his eyes turn'd up
in the fervent fit, some dying sighs, and an agonizing shudder, announced the
approaches of that extatic pleasure, I was yet in too much pain to come in for
my share of it.
    Nor was it till after a few enjoyments had numb'd and blunted the sense of
the smart, and given me to feel the titillating inspersion of balsamic sweets,
drew from me the delicious return, and brought down all my passion, that I
arrived at excess of pleasure through excess of pain. But, when successive
engagements had broke and inur'd me, I began to enter into the true unallay'd
relish of that pleasure of pleasures, when the warm gush darts through all the
ravish'd inwards; what floods of bliss! what melting transports! what agonies of
delight! too fierce, too mighty for nature to sustain; well has she therefore,
no doubt, provided the relief of a delicious momentary dissolution, the
approaches of which are intimated by a dear delirium, a sweet thrill on the
point of emitting those liquid sweets, in which enjoyment itself is drown'd,
when one gives the languishing stretch-out, and dies at the discharge.
    How often, when the rage and tumult of my senses had subsided after the
melting flow, have I, in a tender meditation ask'd myself coolly the question,
if it was in nature for any of its creatures to be so happy as I was? Or, what
were all fears of the consequence, put in the scale of one night's enjoyment of
any thing so transcendently the taste of my eyes and heart, as that delicious,
fond, matchless youth?
    Thus we spent the whole afternoon till supper time in a continued circle of
love delights, kissing, turtle-billing, toying, and all the rest of the feast.
At length, supper was serve'd in, before which Charles had, for I do not know
what reason, splipped his clothes on; and sitting down by the bed-side, we made
table and table-cloth of the bed and sheets, whilst he suffer'd nobody to attend
or serve but himself. He ate with a very good appetite, and seem'd charm'd to
see me eat. For my part, I was so enchanted with my fortune, so transported with
the comparison of the delights I now swam in, with the insipidity of all my past
scenes of life, that I thought them sufficiently cheap at even the price of my
ruin, or the risk of their not lasting. The present possession was all my little
head could find room for.
    We lay together that night, when, after playing repeated prizes of pleasure,
nature, overspent and satisfy'd, gave us up to the arms of sleep: those of my
dear youth encircled me, the consciousness of which made even that sleep more
delicious.
    Late in the morning I wak'd first; and observing my lover slept profoundly,
softly disengag'd myself from his arms, scarcely daring to breathe for fear of
shortening his repose; my cap, my hair, my shift, were all in disorder from the
rufflings I had undergone; and I took this opportunity to adjust and set them as
well as I could: whilst, every now and then, looking at the sleeping youth with
inconceivable fondness and delight, and reflecting on all the pain he had put me
to, tacitly own'd that the pleasure had overpaid me for my sufferings.
    It was then broad day. I was sitting up in the bed, the clothes of which
were all tossed, or rolled off, by the unquietness of our motions, from the
sultry heat of the weather; nor could I refuse myself a pleasure that solicited
me so irresistibly, as this fair occasion of feasting my sight with all those
treasures of youthful beauty I had enjoy'd, and which lay now almost entirely
naked, his shirt being truss'd up in a perfect wisp, which the warmth of the
room and season made me easy about the consequence of. I hung over him enamour'd
indeed! and devoured all his naked charms with only two eyes, when I could have
wish'd them at least a hundred, for the fuller enjoyment of the gaze.
    Oh! could I paint his figure as I see it now, still present to my
transported imagination! a whole length of an all-perfect, manly beauty in full
view. Think of a face without a fault, glowing with all the opening bloom and
vernal freshness of an age in which beauty is of either sex, and which the first
down over his upper lip scarce began to distinguish.
    The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seem'd to exhale an air
sweeter and purer than what it drew in: ah! what violence did it not cost me to
refrain the so tempted kiss!
    Then a neck exquisitely turn'd, grac'd behind and on the sides with his
hair, playing freely in natural ringlets, connected his head to a body of the
most perfect form, and of the most vigorous contexture, in which all the
strength of manhood was conceal'd and soften'd to appearance by the delicacy of
his complexion, the smoothness of his skin, and the plumpness of his flesh.
    The platform of his snow-white bosom, that was laid out in a manly
proportion, presented, on the vermilion summit of each pap, the idea of a rose
about to blow.
    Nor did his shirt hinder me from observing that symmetry of his limbs, that
exactness of shape, in the fall of it towards the loins, where the waist ends
and the rounding swell of the hips commences; where the skin, sleek, smooth, and
dazzling white, burnishes on the stretch over firm, plump, ripe flesh, that
crimp'd and ran into dimples at the least pressure, or that the touch could not
rest upon, but slid over as on the surface of the most polished ivory.
    His thighs, finely fashioned, and with a florid glossy roundness, gradually
tapering away to the knees, seem'd pillars worthy to support that beauteous
frame; at the bottom of which I could not, without some remains of terror, some
tender emotions too, fix my eyes on that terrible machine, which had, not long
before, with such fury broke into, torn, and almost ruin'd those soft, tender
parts of mine that had not yet done smarting with the effects of its rage; but
behold it now! crest fall'n, reclining its half-capt vermilion head over one of
his thighs, quiet, pliant, and to all appearance incapable of the mischiefs and
cruelty it had committed. Then the beautiful growth of the hair, in short and
soft curls round its root, its whiteness, branch'd veins, the supple softness of
the shaft, as it lay foreshorten'd, roll'd and shrunk up into a squab thickness,
languid, and borne up from between his thighs by its globular appendage, that
wondrous treasure-bag of nature's sweets, which, rivell'd round, and purs'd up
in the only wrinkles that are known to please, perfected the prospect, and all
together formed the most interesting moving picture in nature, and surely
infinitely superior to those nudities furnish'd by the painters, statuaries, or
any art, which are purchas'd at immense prices; whilst the sight of them in
actual life is scarce sovereignly tasted by any but the few whom nature has
endowed with a fire of imagination, warmly pointed by a truth of judgment to the
spring-head, the originals of beauty, of nature's unequall'd composition, above
all the imitation of art, or the reach of wealth to pay their price.
    But every thing must have an end. A motion made by this angelic youth, in
the listlessness of going off sleep, replac'd his shirt and the bed-clothes in a
posture that shut up that treasure from longer view.
    I lay down then, and carrying my hands to that part of me in which the
objects just seen had begun to raise a mutiny that prevail'd over the smart of
them, my fingers now open'd themselves an easy passage; but long I had not time
to consider the wide difference there, between the maid and the now finish'd
woman, before Charles wak'd, and turning towards me, kindly enquire'd how I had
rested? and, scarce giving me time to answer, imprinted on my lips one of his
burning rapture-kisses, which darted a flame to my heart, that from thence
radiated to every part of me; and presently, as if he had proudly meant revenge
for the survey I had smuggled of all his naked beauties, he spurns off the
bed-clothes, and trussing up my shift as high as it would go, took his turn to
feast his eyes on all the gifts nature had bestow'd on my person; his busy
hands, too, rang'd intemperately over every part of me. The delicious austerity
and hardness of my yet unripe budding breasts, the whiteness and firmness of my
flesh, the freshness and regularity of my features, the harmony of my limbs, all
seem'd to confirm him in his satisfaction with his bargain; but when curious to
explore the havoc he had made in the centre of his over-fierce attack, he not
only directed his hands there, but with a pillow put under, placed me favourably
for his wanton purpose of inspection. Then, who can express the fire his eyes
glisten'd, his hands glow'd with! whilst sighs of pleasure, and tender broken
exclamations, were all the praises he could utter. By this time his machine,
stiffly risen at me, gave me to see it in its highest state and bravery. He
feels it himself, seems pleas'd at its condition, and, smiling loves and graces,
seizes one of my hands, and carries it, with a gentle compulsion, to his pride
of nature, and its richest masterpiece.
    I, struggling faintly, could not help feeling what I could not grasp, a
column of the whitest ivory, beautifully streak'd with blue veins, and carrying,
fully uncapt, a head of the liveliest vermilion: no horn could be harder or
stiffer; yet no velvet more smooth or delicious to the touch. Presently he
guided my hand lower, to that part in which nature and pleasure keep their
stores in concert, so aptly fasten'd and hung on to the root of their first
instrument and minister, that not improperly he might be styl'd their
purse-bearer too: there he made me feel distinctly, through their soft cover,
the contents, a pair of roundish balls, that seem'd to play within, and elude
all pressure but the tenderest, from without.
    But now this visit of my soft warm hand in those so sensible parts had put
every thing into such ungovernable fury that, disdaining all further preluding,
and taking advantage of my commodious posture, he made the storm fall where I
scarce patiently expected, and where he was sure to lay it: presently, then, I
felt the stiff insertion between the yielding, divided lips of the wound, now
open for life; where the narrowness no longer put me to intolerable pain, and
afforded my lover no more difficulty than what heighten'd his pleasure, in the
strict embrace of that tender, warm sheath, round the instrument it was so
delicately adjusted to, and which, now cased home, so gorged me with pleasure
that it perfectly suffocated me and took away my breath; then the killing
thrusts! the unnumber'd kisses! every one of which was a joy inexpressible; and
that joy lost in a crowd of yet greater blisses! But this was a disorder too
violent in nature to last long: the vessels, so stirr'd and intensely heated,
soon boil'd over, and for that time put out the fire; meanwhile all this
dalliance and disport had so far consum'd the morning, that it became a kind of
necessity to lay breakfast and dinner into one.
    In our calmer intervals Charles gave the following account of himself, every
word of which was true. He was the only son of a father who, having a small post
in the revenue, rather over-liv'd his income, and had given this young gentleman
a very slender education: no profession had he bred him up to, but design'd to
provide for him in the army, by purchasing him an ensign's commission, that is
to say, provided he could raise the money, or procure it by interest, either of
which clauses was rather to be wish'd than hoped for by him. On no better a
plan, however, had this improvident father suffer'd this youth, a youth of great
promise, to run up to the age of manhood, or near it at least, in next to
idleness; and had, besides, taken no sort of pains to give him even the common
premonitions against the vices of the town, and the dangers of all sorts which
wait the unexperienc'd and unwary in it. He liv'd at home, and at discretion,
with his father, who himself kept a mistress; and for the rest, provided Charles
did not ask him for money, he was indolently kind to him: he might lie out when
he pleas'd; any excuse would serve, and even his reprimands were so slight that
they carried with them rather an air of connivance at the fault than any serious
control or constraint. But, to supply his calls for money, Charles, whose mother
was dead, had, by her side, a grandmother who doted upon him. She had a
considerable annuity to live on, and very regularly parted with every shilling
she could spare to this darling of hers, to the no little heartburn of his
father; who was vex'd, not that she by this means fed his son's extravagance,
but that she preferr'd Charles to himself; and we shall too soon see what a
fatal turn such a mercenary jealousy could operate in the breast of a father.
    Charles was, however, by the means of his grandmother's lavish fondness,
very sufficiently enabled to keep a mistress so easily contented as my love made
me; and my good fortune, for such I must ever call it, threw me in his way, in
the manner above related, just as he was on the look-out for one.
    As to temper, the even sweetness of it made him seem born for domestic
happiness: tender, naturally polite, and gentle-manner'd; it could never be his
fault if ever jars or animosities ruffled a calm he was so qualified in every
way to maintain or restore. Without those great or shining qualities that
constitute a genius, or are fit to make a noise in the world, he had all those
humble ones that compose the softer social merit: plain common sense, set off
with every grace of modesty and good nature, made him, if not admir'd, what is
much happier, universally belove'd and esteem'd. But, as nothing but the beauties
of his person had at first attracted my regard and fix'd my passion, neither was
I then a judge of that internal merit, which I had afterwards full occasion to
discover, and which perhaps, in that season of giddiness and levity, would have
touch'd my heart very little, had it been lodge'd in a person less the delight of
my eyes and idol of my senses. But to return to our situation.
    After dinner, which we ate a-bed in a most voluptuous disorder, Charles got
up, and taking a passionate leave of me for a few hours, he went to town where,
concerting matters with a young sharp lawyer, they went together to my late
venerable mistress's, from whence I had, but the day before, made my elopement,
and with whom he was determin'd to settle accounts in a manner that should cut
off all after reckonings from that quarter.
    Accordingly they went; but on the way, the Templar, his friend, on thinking
over Charles's information, saw reason to give their visit another turn, and,
instead of offering satisfaction, to demand it.
    On being let in, the girls of the house flock'd round Charles, whom they
knew, and from the earliness of my escape, and their perfect ignorance of his
ever having so much as seen me, not having the least suspicion of his being
accessory to my flight, they were, in their way, making up to him; and as to his
companion, they took him probably for a fresh cully. But the Templar soon
check'd their forwardness, by enquiring for the old lady, with whom, he said,
with a grave judge-like countenance, that he had some business to settle.
    Madam was immediately sent down for, and the ladies being desire'd to clear
the room, the lawyer ask'd her, severely, if she did know, or had not decoy'd,
under pretence of hiring as a servant, a young girl, just come out of the
country, called FRANCES or FANNY HILL, describing me withal as particularly as
he could from Charles's description.
    It is peculiar to vice to tremble at the enquiries of justice; and Mrs.
Brown, whose conscience was not entirely clear upon my account, as knowing as
she was of the town, as hackney'd as she was in bluffing through all the dangers
of her vocation, could not help being alarm'd at the question, especially when
he went on to talk of a Justice of peace, Newgate, the Old Bailey, indictments
for keeping a disorderly house, pillory, carting, and the whole process of that
nature. She, who, it is likely, imagine'd I had lodge'd an information against her
house, look'd extremely blank, and began to make a thousand protestations and
excuses. However, to abridge, they brought away triumphantly my box of things,
which, had she not been under an awe, she might have disputed with them; and not
only that, but a clearance and discharge of any demands on the house, at the
expense of no more than a bowl of arrack-punch, the treat of which, together
with the choice of the house conveniences, was offer'd and not accepted. Charles
all the time acted the chance-companion of the lawyer, who had brought him
there, as he knew the house, and appear'd in no wise interested in the issue;
but he had the collateral pleasure of hearing all that I had told him verified,
so far as the bawd's fears would give her leave to enter into my history, which,
if one may guess by the composition she so readily came into, were not small.
    Phoebe, my kind tutoress Phoebe, was at that time gone out, perhaps in
search of me, or their cook'd-up story had not, it is probable, pass'd so
smoothly.
    This negotiation had, however, taken up some time, which would have appear'd
much longer to me, left, as I was, in a strange house, if the landlady, a
motherly sort of a woman, to whom Charles had liberally recommended me, had not
come up and borne me company. We drank tea, and her chat help'd to pass away the
time very agreeably, since he was our theme; but as the evening deepened, and
the hour set for his return was elaps'd, I could not dispel the gloom of
impatience and tender fears which gathered upon me, and which our timid sex are
apt to feel in proportion to their love.
    Long, however, I did not suffer: the sight of him overpaid me; and the soft
reproach I had prepare'd for him expired before it reach'd my lips.
    I was still a-bed, yet unable to use my legs otherwise than awkwardly, and
Charles flew to me, caught me in his arms, raise'd and extending mine to meet
his dear embrace, and gives me an account, interrupted by many a sweet
parenthesis of kisses, of the success of his measures.
    I could not help laughing at the fright the old woman had been put into,
which my ignorance, and indeed my want of innocence, had far from prepare'd me
for bespeaking. She had, it seems, apprehended that I fled for shelter to some
relation I had recollected in town, on my dislike of their ways and proceeding
towards me, and that this application came from thence; for, as Charles had
rightly judg'd, not one neighbour had, at that still hour, seen the circumstance
of my escape into the coach, or, at least, notic'd him; neither had any in the
house the least hint or clue of suspicion of my having spoke to him, much less
of my having clapped up such a sudden bargain with a perfect stranger: thus the
greatest improbability is not always what we should most mistrust.
    We supped with all the gaiety of two young giddy creatures at the top of
their desires; and as I had most joyfully given up to Charles the whole charge
of my future happiness, I thought of nothing beyond the exquisite pleasure of
possessing him.
    He came to bed in due time; and this second night, the pain being pretty
well over, I tasted, in full draughts, all the transports of perfect enjoyment:
I swam, I bathed in bliss, till both fell fast asleep, through the natural
consequences of satisfied desires, and appeas'd flames; nor did we wake but to
renew'd raptures.
    Thus, making the most of love and life, did we stay in this lodging in
Chelsea about ten days; in which time Charles took care to give his excursions
from home a favourable gloss, and to keep his footing with his fond indulgent
grandmother, from whom he drew constant and sufficient supplies for the charge I
was to him, and which was very trifling, in comparison with his former less
regular course of pleasures.
    Charles remove'd me then to a private ready furnish'd lodging in D... street,
St. James's, where he paid half a guinea a week for two rooms and a closet on
the second floor, which he had been some time looking out for, and was more
convenient for the frequency of his visits than where he had at first plac'd me,
in a house which I cannot say but I left with regret, as it was infinitely
endear'd to me by the first possession of my Charles, and the circumstance of
losing, there, that jewel which can never be twice lost. The landlord, however,
had no reason to complain of any thing, but of a procedure in Charles too
liberal not to make him regret the loss of us.
    Arrived at our new lodgings, I remember I thought them extremely fine,
though ordinary enough, even at that price; but, had it been a dungeon that
Charles had brought me to, his presence would have made it a little Versailles.
    The landlady, Mrs. Jones, waited on us to our apartment, and with great
volubility of tongue explain'd to us all its conveniences - that her own maid
should wait on us ... that the best of quality had lodge'd at her house ... that
her first floor was let to a foreign secretary of an embassy, and his lady ...
that I looked like a very good-natur'd lady. ... At the word lady, I blush'd out
of flatter'd vanity: this was too strong for a girl of my condition; for though
Charles had had the precaution of dressing me in a less tawdry flaunting style
than were the clothes I escape'd to him in, and of passing me for his wife, that
he had secretly married, and kept private (the old story) on account of his
friends, I dare swear this appear'd extremely apocryphal to a woman who knew the
town so well as she did; but that was the least of her concern. It was
impossible to be less scruple-ridden than she was; and the advantage of letting
her rooms being her sole object, the truth itself would have far from
scandaliz'd her, or broke her bargain.
    A sketch of her picture, and personal history, will dispose you to account
for the part she is to act in my concerns.
    She was about forty-six years old, tall, meagre, red-hair'd, with one of
those trivial ordinary faces you meet with everywhere, and go about unheeded and
unmentioned. In her youth she had been kept by a gentleman who, dying, left her
forty pounds a year during her life, in consideration of a daughter he had by
her; which daughter, at the age of seventeen, she sold, for not a very
considerable sum neither, to a gentleman who was going on Envoy abroad, and took
his purchase with him, where he us'd her with the utmost tenderness, and it is
thought, was secretly married to her: but had constantly made a point of her not
keeping up the least correspondence with a mother base enough to make a market
of her own flesh and blood. However, as she had no nature, nor, indeed, any
passion but that of money, this gave her no further uneasiness, than, as she
thereby lost a handle of squeezing presents, or other after-advantages, out of
the bargain. Indifferent then, by nature of constitution, to every other
pleasure but that of increasing the lump by any means whatever, she commenc'd a
kind of private procuress, for which she was not amiss fitted, by her grave
decent appearance, and sometimes did a job in the matchmaking way; in short,
there was nothing that appear'd to her under the shape of gain that she would
not have undertaken. She knew most of the ways of the town, having not only
herself been upon, but kept up constant intelligences in it, dealing, besides
her practice in promoting a harmony between the two sexes, in private
pawn-broking and other profitable secrets. She rented the house she liv'd in,
and made the most of it by letting it out in lodgings; though she was worth, at
least, near three or four thousand pounds, she would not allow herself even the
necessaries of life, and pinn'd her subsistence entirely on what she could
squeeze out of her lodgers.
    When she saw such a young pair come under her roof, her immediate notions,
doubtless, were how she should make the most money of us, by every means that
money might be made, and which, she rightly judged, our situation and
inexperience would soon beget her occasions of.
    In this hopeful sanctuary, and under the clutches of this harpy, did we
pitch our residence. It will not be mighty material to you, or very pleasant to
me, to enter into a detail of all the petty cut-throat ways and means with which
she used to fleece us; all which Charles indolently chose to bear with, rather
than take the trouble of removing, the difference of expense being scarce
attended to by a young gentleman who had no ideas of stint, or even of economy,
and a raw country girl who knew nothing of the matter.
    Here, however, under the wings of my sovereignly belove'd, did I flow the
most delicious hours of my life; my Charles I had, and, in him, everything my
fond heart could wish or desire. He carried me to plays, operas, masquerades,
and every diversion of the town; all of which pleas'd me indeed, but pleas'd me
infinitely the more for his being with me, and explaining everything to me, and
enjoying, perhaps, the natural impressions of surprise and admiration, which
such sights, at the first, never fail to excite in a country girl, new to the
delights of them; but to me, they sensibly prov'd the power and full dominion of
the sole passion of my heart over me, a passion in which soul and body were
concentre'd, and left me no room for any other relish of life but love.
    As to the men I saw at those places, or at any other, they suffer'd so much
in the comparison my eyes made of them with my all-perfect Adonis, that I had
not the infidelity even of one wandering thought to reproach myself with upon
his account. He was the universe to me, and all that was not him was nothing to
me.
    My love, in fine, was so excessive, that it arrive'd at annihilating every
suggestion or kindling spark of jealousy; for, one idea only tending that way,
gave me such exquisite torment that my self-love, and dread of worse than death,
made me for ever renounce and defy it: nor had I, indeed, occasion; for, were I
to enter here on the recital of several instances wherein Charles sacrific'd to
me women of greater importance than I dare hint (which, considering his form,
was no such wonder), I might, indeed, give you full proof of his unshaken
constancy to me; but would not you accuse me of warming up again a feast that my
vanity ought long ago to have been satisfy'd with?
    In our cessations from active pleasure, Charles fram'd himself one, in
instructing me, as far as his own lights reach'd, in a great many points of life
that I was, in consequence of my no-education, perfectly ignorant of: nor did I
suffer one word to fall in vain from the mouth of my lovely teacher: I hung on
every syllable he utter'd, and receive'd, as oracles, all he said; whilst kisses
were all the interruption I could not refuse myself the pleasure of admitting,
from lips that breath'd more than Arabian sweetness.
    I was in a little time enabled, by the progress I had made, to prove the
deep regard I had paid to all that he had said to me: repeating it to him almost
word for word; and to show that I was not entirely the parrot, but that I
reflected upon, that I enter'd into it, I join'd my own comments, and ask'd him
questions of explanation.
    My country accent, and the rusticity of my gait, manners, and deportment,
began now sensibly to wear off, so quick was my observation, and so efficacious
my desire of growing every day worthier of his heart.
    As to money, though he brought me constantly all he receive'd, it was with
difficulty he even got me to give it room in my bureau; and what clothes I had,
he could prevail on me to accept of on no other foot than that of pleasing him
by the greater neatness in my dress, beyond which I had no ambition. I could
have made a pleasure of the greatest toil, and worked my fingers to the bone,
with joy, to have supported him: guess, then, if I could harbour any idea of
being burdensome to him, and this disinterested turn in me was so unaffected, so
much the dictate of my heart, that Charles could not but feel it: and if he did
not love me as much as I did him (which was the constant and only matter of
sweet contention between us), he manage'd so, at least, as to give me the
satisfaction of believing it impossible for man to be more tender, more true,
more faithful than he was.
    Our landlady, Mrs. Jones, came frequently up to my apartment, from whence I
never stirr'd on any pretext without Charles; nor was it long before she worm'd
out, without much art, the secret of our having cheated the church of a
ceremony, and, in course, of the terms we liv'd together upon; a circumstance
which far from displeas'd her, considering the designs she had upon me, and
which, alas! she will, too soon, have room to carry into execution. But in the
mean time, her own experience of life let her see that any attempt, however
indirect or disguis'd to divert or break, at least presently, so strong a cement
of hearts as ours was, could only end in losing two lodgers, of whom she made
very competent advantages, if either of us came to smoke her commission; for a
commission she had from one of her customers, either to debauch, or get me away
from my keeper at any rate.
    But the barbarity of my fate soon save'd her the task of disuniting us. I had
now been eleven months with this life of my life, which had passed in one
continue'd rapid stream of delight: but nothing so violent was ever made to last.
I was about three months gone with child by him, a circumstance which would have
added to his tenderness had he ever left me room to believe it could receive an
addition, when the mortal, the unexpected blow of separation fell upon us. I
shall gallop post over the particulars, which I shudder yet to think of, and
cannot to this instant reconcile myself how, or by what means, I could out-live
it.
    Two life-long days had I linger'd through without hearing from him, I who
breath'd, who existed but in him, and had never yet seen twenty-four hours pass
without seeing or hearing from him. The third day my impatience was so strong,
my alarms had been so severe, that I perfectly sicken'd with them; and being
unable to support the shock longer, I sunk upon the bed and ringing for Mrs.
Jones, who had far from comforted me under my anxieties, she came up. I had
scarce breath and spirit enough to find words to beg of her, if she would save
my life, to fall upon some means of finding out, instantly, what was become of
its only prop and comfort. She pity'd me in a way that rather sharpen'd my
affliction than suspended it, and went out upon this commission.
    Far she had not to go: Charles's father lived but at an easy distance, in
one of the streets that run into Covent Garden. There she went into a public
house, and from thence sent for a maid-servant, whose name I had given her, as
the properest to inform her.
    The maid readily came, and as readily, when Mrs. Jones enquire'd of her what
was become of Mr. Charles, or whether he was gone out of town, acquainted her
with the disposal of her master's son, which, the very day after, was no secret
to the servants. Such sure measures had he taken, for the most cruel punishment
of his child for having more interest with his grandmother than he had, though
he made use of a pretence, plausible enough, to get rid of him in this secret
and abrupt manner, for fear her fondness should have interpos'd a bar to his
leaving England, and proceeding on a voyage he had concerted for him; which
pretext was, that it was indispensably necessary to secure a considerable
inheritance that devolv'd to him by the death of a rich merchant (his own
brother) at one of the factories in the South-Seas, of which he had lately
receive'd advice, together with a copy of the will.
    In consequence of which resolution to send away his son, he had, unknown to
him, made the necessary preparations for fitting him out, struck a bargain with
the captain of a ship, whose punctual execution of his orders he had secured, by
his interest with his principal owner and patron; and, in short, concerted his
measures so secretly and effectually that whilst his son thought he was going
down the river for a few hours, he was stopped on board of a ship, debar'd from
writing, and more strictly watch'd than a State criminal.
    Thus was the idol of my soul torn from me, and force'd on a long voyage,
without taking of one friend, or receiving one line of comfort, except a dry
explanation and instructions, from his father, how to proceed when he should
arrive at his destin'd port, enclosing, withal, some letters of recommendation
to a factor there: all these particulars I did not learn minutely till some time
after.
    The maid, at the same time, added that she was sure this usage of her sweet
young master would be the death of his grand-mama, as indeed it prov'd true; for
the old lady, on hearing it, did not survive the news a whole month; and as her
fortune consisted in an annuity, out of which she had laid up no reserves, she
left nothing worth mentioning to her so fatally envied darling, but absolutely
refuse'd to see his father before she died.
    When Mrs. Jones return'd and I observe'd her looks, they seem'd so
unconcern'd, and even near to pleas'd, that I half flatter'd myself she was
going to set my tortur'd heart at ease by bringing me good news; but this,
indeed, was a cruel delusion of hope: the barbarian, with all the coolness
imaginable, stab'd me to the heart, in telling me, succinctly, that he was sent
away at least on a four years' voyage (here she stretch'd maliciously), and that
I could not expect, in reason, ever to see him again: and all this with such
pregnant circumstances that I could not help giving them credit, as in general
they were, indeed, too true!
    She had hardly finish'd her report before I fainted away and after several
successive fits, all the while wild and senseless, I miscarried of the dear
pledge of my Charles's love: but the wretched never die when it is fittest they
should die, and women are hard-liv'd to a proverb.
    The cruel and interested care taken to recover me save'd an odious life:
which, instead of the happiness and joys it had overflow'd in, all of a sudden
presented no view before me of any thing but the depth of misery, horror, and
the sharpest affliction.
    Thus I lay six weeks, in the struggles of youth and constitution, against
the friendly efforts of death, which I constantly invoked to my relief and
deliverance, but which proving too weak for my wish, I recovered at length, tho'
into a state of stupefaction and despair that threatened me with the loss of my
senses, and a madhouse.
    Time, however, that great comforter in ordinary, began to assuage the
violence of my sufferings, and to numb my feeling of them. My health return'd to
me, though I still retain'd an air of grief, dejection, and languor, which
taking off the ruddiness of my country complexion, render'd it rather more
delicate and affecting.
    The landlady had all this while officiously provided, and taken care that I
wanted for nothing: and as soon as she saw me retriev'd into a condition of
answering her purpose, one day, after we had dined together, she congratulated
me on my recovery, the merit of which she took entirely to herself, and all this
by way of introduction to a most terrible and scurvy epilogue: »You are now,«
says she, »Miss Fanny, tolerably well, and you are very welcome to stay in the
lodgings as long as you please; you see I have ask'd you for nothing this long
time, but truly I have a call to make up a sum of money, which must be
answer'd.« And, with that, presents me with a bill of arrears for rent, diet,
apothecary's charges, nurse, etc., sum total twenty-three pounds, seventeen and
sixpence: towards discharging of which, I had not in the world (which she well
knew) more than seven guineas, left by chance, of my dear Charles's common stock
with me. At the same time, she desire'd me to tell her what course I would take
for payment. I burst out into a flood of tears and told her my condition; adding
that I would sell what few clothes I had, and that, for the rest, I would pay
her as soon as possible. But my distress, being favourable to her views, only
stiffen'd her the more.
    She told me, very coolly, that »she was indeed sorry for my misfortunes, but
that she must do herself justice, though it would go to the very heart of her to
send such a tender young creature to prison ...« At the word prison! every drop
of my blood chill'd, and my fright acted so strongly upon me, that, turning as
pale and faint as a criminal at the first sight of his place of execution, I was
on the point of swooning. My landlady, who wanted only to terrify me to a
certain point, and not to throw me into a state of body inconsistent with her
designs upon it, began to soothe me again, and told me, in a tone compos'd to
more pity and gentleness, that it would be my own fault, if she was force'd to
proceed to such extremities; but she believe'd there was a friend to be found in
the world who would make up matters to both our satisfactions, and that she
would bring him to drink tea with us that very afternoon, when she hoped we
would come to a right understanding in our affairs. To all this, not a word of
answer; I sat mute, confounded, terrify'd.
    Mrs. Jones however, judging rightly that it was time to strike while the
impressions were so strong upon me, left me to myself and to all the terrors of
an imagination, wounded to death by the idea of going to a prison, and, from a
principle of self-preservation, snatching at every glimpse of redemption from
it.
    In this situation I sat near half an hour, swallow'd up in grief and
despair, when my landlady came in, and observing a death-like dejection in my
countenance and still in pursuance of her plan, put on a false pity, and bidding
me be of a good heart: Things, she said, would not be so bad as I imagined if I
would be but my own friend; and closed with telling me she had brought a very
honourable gentleman to drink tea with me, who would give me the best advice how
to get rid of all my troubles. Upon which, without waiting for a reply, she goes
out, and returns with this very honourable gentleman, whose very honourable
procuress she had been, on this as well as other occasions.
    The gentleman, on his entering the room, made me a very civil bow, which I
had scarce strength, or presence of mind enough to return a curtsy to; when the
landlady, taking upon her to do all the honours of the first interview (for I
had never, that I remember'd, seen the gentleman before), sets a chair for him,
and another for herself. All this while not a word on either side; a stupid
stare was all the face I could put on this strange visit.
    The tea was made, and the landlady, unwilling, I suppose, to lose any time,
observing my silence and shyness before this entire stranger: »Come, Miss
Fanny,« says she, in a coarse familiar style, and tone of authority, »hold up
your head, child, and do not let sorrow spoil that pretty face of yours. What!
sorrows are only for a time; come, be free, here is a worthy gentleman who has
heard of your misfortunes and is willing to serve you; you must be better
acquainted with him; do not you now stand upon your punctilio's, and this and
that, but make your market while you may.«
    At this so delicate and eloquent harangue, the gentleman, who saw I look'd
frighted and amaz'd, and indeed, incapable of answering, took her up for
breaking things in so abrupt a manner, as rather to shock than incline me to an
acceptance of the good he intended me; then, addressing himself to me, told me
he was perfectly acquainted with my whole story and every circumstance of my
distress, which he own'd was a cruel plunge for one of my youth and beauty to
fall into; that he had long taken a liking to my person, for which he appeal'd
to Mrs. Jones, there present, but finding me so absolutely engage'd to another,
he had lost all hopes of succeeding till he had heard the sudden reverse of
fortune that had happen'd to me, on which he had given particular orders to my
landlady to see that I should want for nothing; and that, had he not been force'd
abroad to The Hague, on affairs he could not refuse himself to, he would himself
have attended me during my sickness; that on his return, which was but the day
before, he had, on learning my recovery, desire'd my landlady's good offices to
introduce him to me, and was as angry, at least, as I was shock'd, at the manner
in which she had conducted herself towards obtaining him that happiness; but,
that to show me how much he disown'd her procedure, and how far he was from
taking any ungenerous advantage of my situation, and from exacting any security
for my gratitude, he would before my face, that instant, discharge my debt
entirely to my landlady and give me her receipt in full; after which I should be
at liberty either to reject or grant his suit, as he was much above putting any
force upon my inclinations.
    Whilst he was exposing his sentiments to me, I venture'd just to look up to
him, and observed his figure, which was that of a very sightly gentleman, well
made, about forty, dressed? in a suit of plain clothes, with a large diamond ring
on one of his fingers, the lustre of which play'd in my eyes as he wav'd his
hand in talking, and raise'd my notions of his importance. In short, he might
pass for what is commonly call'd a comely black man, with an air of distinction
natural to his birth and condition.
    To all his speeches, however, I answer'd only in tears that flow'd
plentifully to my relief, and choking up my voice, excuse'd me from speaking,
very luckily, for I should not have known what to say.
    The sight, however, mov'd him, as he afterwards told me, irresistibly, and
by way of giving me some reason to be less powerfully afflicted, he drew out his
purse, and calling for pen and ink, which the landlady was prepare'd for, paid
her every farthing of her demand, independent of a liberal gratification which
was to follow unknown to me; and taking a receipt in full, very tenderly force'd
me to secure it, by guiding my hand, which he had thrust it into, so as to make
me passively put it into my pocket.
    Still I continued in a state of stupidity, or melancholy despair, as my
spirits could not yet recover from the violent shocks they had receive'd; and the
accommodating landlady had actually left the room, and me alone with this
strange gentleman, before I observe'd it, and then I observe'd it without alarm,
for I was now lifeless and indifferent to everything.
    The gentleman, however, no novice in affairs of this sort, drew near me; and
under the pretence of comforting me, first with his handkerchief dried my tears
as they ran down my cheeks: presently he venture'd to kiss me: on my part,
neither resistance nor compliance. I sat stock-still; and now looking on myself
as bought by the payment that had been transacted before me, I did not care what
became of my wretched body: and wanting life, spirits, or courage to oppose the
least struggle, even that of the modesty of my sex, I suffer'd, tamely, whatever
the gentleman pleased; who proceeding insensibly from freedom to freedom,
insinuated his hand between my handkerchief and bosom, which he handled at
discretion: finding thus no repulse, and that every thing favour'd, beyond
expectation, the completion of his desires, he took me in his arms, and bore me,
without life or motion, to the bed, on which laying me gently down, and having
me at what advantage he pleas'd, I did not so much as know what he was about,
till recovering from a trance of lifeless insensibility, I found him buried in
me, whilst I lay passive and innocent of the least sensation of pleasure: a
death-cold corpse could scarce have less life or sense in it. As soon as he had
thus pacified a passion which had too little respected the condition I was in,
he got off, and after recomposing the disorder of my clothes, employ'd himself
with the utmost tenderness to calm the transports of remorse and madness at
myself with which I was seized, too late, I confess, for having suffer'd on that
bed the embraces of an utter stranger. I tore my hair, wrung my hands, and beat
my breast like a mad-woman. But when my new master, for in that light I then
view'd him, applied himself to appease me, as my whole rage was levell'd at
myself, no part of which I thought myself permitted to aim at him, I begged of
him, with more submission than anger, to leave me alone that I might, at least,
enjoy my affliction in quiet. This he positively refused, for fear, as he
pretended, I should do myself a mischief.
    Violent passions seldom last long, and those of women least of any. A dead
still calm succeeded this storm, which ended in a profuse shower of tears.
    Had any one, but a few instants before, told me that I should have ever
known any man but Charles, I would have spit in his face; or had I been offer'd
infinitely a greater sum of money than that I saw paid for me, I had spurn'd the
proposal in cold blood. But our virtues and our vices depend too much on our
circumstances; unexpectedly beset as I was, betray'd by a mind weakened by a
long severe affliction, and stunn'd with the terrors of a jail, my defeat will
appear the more excusable, since I certainly was not present at, or a party in
any sense, to it. However, as the first enjoyment is decisive, and he was now
over the bar, I thought I had no longer a right to refuse the caresses of one
that had got that advantage over me, no matter how obtain'd; conforming myself
then to this maxim, I consider'd myself as so much in his power that I endur'd
his kisses and embraces without affecting struggles or anger; not that they, as
yet, gave me any pleasure, or prevail'd over the aversion of my soul to give
myself up to any sensation of that sort; what I suffer'd, I suffer'd out of a
kind of gratitude, and as a matter of course after what had pass'd.
    He was, however, so regardful as not to attempt the renewal of those
extremities which had thrown me, just before, into such violent agitations; but,
now secure of possession, contented himself with bringing me to temper by
degrees, and waiting at the hand of time for those fruits of generosity and
courtship which he since often reproach'd himself with having gather'd much too
green, when, yielding to the invitations of my inability to resist him, and
overborne by desires, he had wreak'd his passion on a mere lifeless, spiritless
body dead to all purposes of joy, since, taking none, it ought to be suppose'd
incapable of giving any. This is, however, certain; my heart never thoroughly
forgave him the manner in which I had fallen to him, although, in point of
interest, I had reason to be pleas'd that he found, in my person, wherewithal to
keep him from leaving me as easily as he had gained me.
    The evening was, in the mean time, so far advance'd, that the maid came in to
lay the cloth for supper, when I understood, with joy, that my landlady, whose
sight was present poison to me, was not to be with us.
    Presently a neat and elegant supper was introduc'd, and a bottle of
Burgundy, with the other necessaries, were set on a dumb-waiter.
    The maid quitting the room, the gentleman insisted, with a tender warmth,
that I should sit up in the elbow chair by the fire, and see him eat if I could
not be prevailed on to eat myself. I obey'd with a heart full of affliction, at
the comparison it made between those delicious tête-à-têtes with my ever dear
youth, and this force'd situation, this new awkward scene, impos'd and obtruded
on me by cruel necessity.
    At supper, after a great many arguments used to comfort and reconcile me to
my fate, he told me that his name was H..., brother to the Earl of L... and that
having, by the suggestions of my landlady, been led to see me, he had found me
perfectly to his taste and given her a commission to procure me at any rate, and
that he had at length succeeded, as much to his satisfaction as he passionately
wished it might be to mine; adding, withal, some flattering assurances that I
should have no cause to repent my knowledge of him.
    I had now got down at most half a partridge, and three or four glasses of
wine, which he compelled me to drink by way of restoring nature; but whether
there was anything extraordinary put into the wine, or whether there wanted no
more to revive the natural warmth of my constitution and give fire to the old
train, I began no longer to look with that constraint, not to say disgust, on
Mr. H..., which I had hitherto done; but, withal, there was not the least grain
of love mix'd with this softening of my sentiments: any other man would have
been just the same to me as Mr. H..., that stood in the same circumstances and
had done for me, and with me, what he had done.
    There are not, on earth at least, eternal griefs; mine were, if not at an
end, at least suspended: my heart, which had been so long overloaded with
anguish and vexation, began to dilate and open to the least gleam of diversion
or amusement. I wept a little, and my tears reliev'd me; I sigh'd, and my sighs
seem'd to lighten me of a load that oppress'd me; my countenance grew, if not
cheerful, at least more compos'd and free.
    Mr. H..., who had watched, perhaps brought on this change, knew too well not
to seize it: he thrust the table imperceptibly from between us, and bringing his
chair to face me, he soon began, after preparing me by all the endearments of
assurances and protestations, to lay hold of my hands, to kiss me, and once more
to make free with my bosom, which, being at full liberty from the disorder of a
loose dishabille, now panted and throbb'd, less with indignation than with fear
and bashfulness at being used so familiarly by still a stranger. But he soon
gave me greater occasion to exclaim, by stooping down and slipping his hand
above my garters: thence he strove to regain the pass, which he had before found
so open, and unguarded: but now he could not unlock the twist of my thighs; I
gently complained, and begg'd him to let me alone; told him I was not well.
However, as he saw there was more form and ceremony in my resistance than good
earnest, he made his conditions for desisting from pursuing his point that I
should be put instantly to bed, whilst he gave certain orders to the landlady,
and that he would return in an hour, when he hoped to find me more reconcil'd to
his passion for me than I seem'd at present. I neither assented nor deny'd, but
my air and manner of receiving this proposal gave him to see that I did not
think myself enough my own mistress to refuse it.
    Accordingly he went out and left me, when, a minute or two after, before I
could recover myself into any composure for thinking, the maid came in with her
mistress's service, and a small silver porringer of what she called a bridal
posset, and desire'd me to eat it as I went to bed, which consequently I did, and
felt immediately a heat, a fire run like a hue-and-cry thro' every part of my
body; I burnt, I glow'd, and wanted even little of wishing for any man.
    The maid, as soon as I was lain down, took the candle away, and wishing me a
good night, went out of the room and shut the door after her.
    She had hardly time to get down-stairs before Mr. H... open'd my room-door
softly, and came in, now undress'd in his night-gown and cap, with two lighted
wax candles, and bolting the door, gave me, tho' I expected him, some sort of
alarm. He came a tip-toe to the bed-side, and said with a gentle whisper: »Pray,
my dear, do not be startled ... I will be very tender and kind to you.« He then
hurry'd off his clothes, and leap'd into bed, having given me openings enough,
whilst he was stripping, to observe his brawny structure, strong-made limbs, and
rough shaggy breast.
    The bed shook again when it receive'd this new load. He lay on the outside,
where he kept the candles burning, no doubt for the satisfaction of ev'ry sense;
for as soon as he had kiss'd me, he rolled down the bed-clothes, and seemed
transported with the view of all my person at full length, which he cover'd with
a profusion of kisses, sparing no part of me. Then, being on his knees between
my legs, he drew up his shirt and bared all his hairy thighs, and stiff staring
truncheon, red-topt and rooted into a thicket of curls, which covered his belly
to the navel and gave it the air of a flesh brush; and soon I felt it joining
close to mine, when he had drove the nail up to the head, and left no partition
but the intermediate hair on both sides.
    I had it now, I felt it now, and, beginning to drive, he soon gave nature
such a powerful summons down to her favourite quarters, that she could no longer
refuse repairing thither; all my animal spirits then rush'd mechanically to that
centre of attraction, and presently, inly warmed, and stirr'd as I was beyond
bearing, I lost all restraint, and yielding to the force of the emotion, gave
down, as mere woman, those effusions of pleasure, which, in the strictness of
still faithful love, I could have wished to have held up.
    Yet oh! what an immense difference did I feel between this impression of a
pleasure merely animal, and struck out of the collision of the sexes by a
passive bodily effect, from that sweet fury, that rage of active delight which
crowns the enjoyments of a mutual love-passion, where two hearts, tenderly and
truly united, club to exalt the joy, and give it a spirit and soul that bids
defiance to that end which mere momentary desires generally terminate in, when
they die of a surfeit of satisfaction!
    Mr. H..., whom no distinctions of that sort seemed to disturb, scarce gave
himself or me breathing time from the last encounter, but, as if he had task'd
himself to prove that the appearances of his vigour were not signs hung out in
vain, in a few minutes he was in a condition for renewing the onset; to which,
preluding with a storm of kisses, he drove the same course as before, with
unbated fervour; and thus, in repeated engagements, kept me constantly in
exercise till dawn of morning; in all which time he made me fully sensible of
the virtues of his firm texture of limbs, his square shoulders, broad chest,
compact hard muscles, in short a system of manliness that might pass for no bad
image of our ancient sturdy barons, when they wielded the battle-axe: whose race
is now so thoroughly refin'd and frittered away into the more delicate and
modern-built frame of our papnerv'd softlings, who are as pale, as pretty, and
almost as masculine as their sisters.
    Mr. H..., content, however, with having the day break upon his triumphs,
delivered me up to the refreshment of a rest we both wanted, and we soon dropped
into a profound sleep.
    Tho' he was some time awake before me, yet did he not offer to disturb a
repose he had given me so much occasion for; but on my first stirring, which was
not till past ten o'clock, I was oblige'd to endure one more trial of his
manhood.
    About eleven, in came Mrs. Jones, with two basins of the richest soup, which
her experience in these matters had mov'd her to prepare. I pass over the
fulsome compliments, the cant of the decent procuress, with which she saluted us
both; but tho' my blood rose at the sight of her, I supprest my emotions, and
gave all my concern to reflections on what would be the consequence of this new
engagement.
    But Mr. H..., who penetrated my uneasiness, did not long suffer me to
languish under it. He acquainted me that, having taken a solid sincere affection
to me, he would begin by giving me one leading mark of it by removing me out of
a house which must, for many reasons, be irksome and disagreeable to me, into
convenient lodgings, where he would take all imaginable care of me; and desiring
me not to have any explanations with my landlady, or be impatient till he
returned, he dress'd and went out, having left me a purse with two and twenty
guineas in it, being all he had about him, as he expresst it, to keep my pocket
till further supplies.
    As soon as he was gone, I felt the usual consequence of the first launch
into vice (for my love-attachment to Charles never appear'd to me in that
light). I was instantly borne away down the stream, without making back to the
shore. My dreadful necessities, my gratitude, and above all, to say the plain
truth, the dissipation and diversion I began to find, in this new acquaintance,
from the black corroding thoughts my heart had been a prey to ever since the
absence of my dear Charles, concurr'd to stun all contrary reflections. If I now
thought of my first, my only charmer, it was still with the tenderness and
regret of the fondest love, embitter'd with the consciousness that I was no
longer worthy of him. I could have begg'd my bread with him all over the world,
but wretch that I was, I had neither the virtue nor courage requisite not to
outlive my separation from him!
    Yet, had not my heart been thus pre-ingaged, Mr. H... might probably have
been the sole master of it; but the place was full, and the force of
conjunctures alone had made him the possessor of my person; the charms of which
had, by the bye, been his sole object and passion, and were, of course, no
foundation for a love either very delicate or very durable.
    He did not return till six in the evening to take me away to my new
lodgings; and my moveables being soon pack'd, and convey'd into a hackney-coach,
it cost me but little regret to take my leave of a landlady whom I thought I had
so much reason not to be overpleas'd with; and as for her part, she made no
other difference to my staying or going, but what that of the profit created.
    We soon got to the house appointed for me, which was that of a plain
tradesman who, on the score of interest, was entirely at Mr. H...'s devotion,
and who let him the first floor, very genteelly furnish'd, for two guineas a
week, of which I was instated mistress, with a maid to attend me.
    He stayed with me that evening, and we had a supper from a neighbouring
tavern, after which, and a gay glass or two, the maid put me to bed. Mr. H...
soon follow'd, and notwithstanding the fatigues of the preceding night, I found
no quarter nor remission from him: he piqued himself, as he told me, on doing
the honours of my new apartment.
    The morning being pretty well advance'd, we got to breakfast; and the ice now
broke, my heart, no longer engross'd by love, began to take ease, and to please
itself with such trifles as Mr. H...'s liberal liking led him to make his court
to the usual vanity of our sex. Silks, laces, ear-rings, pearl-necklace, gold
watch, in short, all the trinkets and articles of dress were lavishly heap'd
upon me; the sense of which, if it did not create returns of love, force'd a kind
of grateful fondness something like love; a distinction it would be spoiling the
pleasure of nine tenths of the keepers in the town to make, and is, I suppose,
the very good reason why so few of them ever do make it.
    I was now establish'd the kept mistress in form, well lodge'd, with a very
sufficient allowance, and lighted up with all the lustre of dress.
    Mr. H... continue'd kind and tender to me; yet, with all this, I was far from
happy; for, besides my regret for my dear youth, which, though often suspended
or diverted, still return'd upon me in certain melancholic moments with
redoubled violences, I wanted more society, more dissipation.
    As to Mr. H..., he was so much my superior in every sense, that I felt it
too much to the disadvantage of the gratitude I ow'd him. Thus he gain'd my
esteem, though he could not raise my taste; I was qualify'd for no sort of
conversation with him except one sort, and that is a satisfaction which leaves
tiresome intervals, if not fill'd up by love, or other amusements.
    Mr. H..., so experienc'd, so learned in the ways of women, numbers of whom
had passed through his hands, doubtless soon perceive'd this uneasiness, and
without approving or liking me the better for it, had the complaisance to
indulge me.
    He made suppers at my lodgings, where he brought several companions of his
pleasures, with their mistresses; and by this means I got into a circle of
acquaintance that soon strip'd me of all the remains of bashfulness and modesty
which might be yet left of my country education, and were, to a just taste,
perhaps the greatest of my charms.
    We visited one another in form, and mimic'd, as near as we could, all the
miseries, the follies, and impertinences of the women of quality, in the round
of which they trifle away their time, without its ever entering into their
little heads that on earth there cannot subsist any thing more silly, more flat,
more insipid and worthless, than, generally consider'd, their system of life is:
they ought to treat the men as their tyrants, indeed! were they to condemn them
to it.
    But tho', amongst the kept mistresses (and I was now acquainted with a good
many, besides some useful matrons, who live by their connexions with them), I
hardly knew one that did not perfectly detest her keeper, and, of course, made
little or no scruple of any infidelity she could safely accomplish, I had still
no notion of wronging mine: for, besides that no mark of jealousy on his side
induced in me the desire or gave me the provocation to play him a trick of that
sort, and that his constant generosity, politeness, and tender attentions to
please me force'd a regard to him, that without affecting my heart, insur'd him
my fidelity, no object had yet presented that could overcome the habitual liking
I had contracted for him; and I was on the eve of obtaining, from the movements
of his own voluntary generosity, a modest provision for life, when an accident
happen'd which broke all the measures he had resolve'd upon in my favour.
    I had now liv'd near seven months with Mr. H..., when one day returning to
my lodgings from a visit in the neighbourhood, where I us'd to stay longer, I
found the street door open, and the maid of the house standing at it, talking
with some of her acquaintances, so that I came in without knocking; and, as I
passed by, she told me Mr. H... was above. I stepped up-stairs into my own
bed-chamber, with no other thought than of pulling off my hat, etc., and then to
wait upon him in the dining room, into which my bed-chamber had a door, as is
common enough. Whilst I was untying my hat-strings, I fancied I heard my maid
Hannah's voice and a sort of tussle, which raising my curiosity, I stole softly
to the door, where a knot in the wood had been splipped out and afforded a very
commanding peep-hole to the scene then in agitation, the actors of which had
been too earnestly employ'd to hear my opening my own door, from the
landing-place of the stairs, into my bed-chamber.
    The first sight that struck me was Mr. H... pulling and hauling this coarse
country strammel towards a couch that stood in a corner of the dining room; to
which the girl made only a sort of awkward hoidening resistance, crying out so
loud, that I, who listened at the door, could scarce hear her: »Pray sir, don't
..., let me alone ... I am not for your turn ... You cannot, sure, demean
yourself with such a poor body as I... Lord! Sir, my mistress may come home ...
I must not indeed ... I will cry out ...« All of which did not hinder her from
insensibly suffering herself to be brought to the foot of the couch, upon which
a push of no mighty violence serve'd to give her a very easy fall, and my
gentleman having got up his hands to the strong-hold of her VIRTUE, she, no
doubt, thought it was time to give up the argument, and that all further defence
would be vain: and he, throwing her petticoats over her face, which was now as
red as scarlet, discover'd a pair of stout, plump, substantial thighs, and
tolerably white; he mounted them round his hips, and coming out with his drawn
weapon, stuck it in the cloven spot, where he seem'd to find a less difficult
entrance than perhaps he had flatter'd himself with (for, by the way, this
blouze had left her place in the country, for a bastard), and, indeed, all his
motions show'd he was lodge'd pretty much at large. After he had done, his DEAREE
gets up, drops her petticoats down, and smooths her apron and handkerchief. Mr.
H... look'd a little silly, and taking out some money, gave it her, with an air
indifferent enough, bidding her be a good girl, and say nothing.
    Had I love'd this man, it was not in nature for me to have had patience to
see the whole scene through: I should have broke in and play'd the jealous
princess with a vengeance. But that was not the case, my pride alone was hurt,
my heart not, and I could easier win upon myself to see how far he would go,
till I had no uncertainty upon my conscience.
    The least delicate of all affairs of this sort being now over, I retire'd
softly into my closet, where I began to consider what I should do. My first
scheme, naturally, was to rush in and upbraid them; this, indeed, flatter'd my
present emotions and vexations, as it would have given immediate vent to them;
but, on second thoughts, not being so clear as to the consequences to be
apprehended from such a step, I began to doubt whether it was not better to
dissemble my discovery till a safer season, when Mr. H... should have perfected
the settlement he had made overtures to me of, and which I was not to think such
a violent explanation, as I was indeed not equal to the management of, could
possibly forward, and might destroy. On the other hand, the provocation seem'd
too gross, too flagrant, not to give me some thoughts of revenge; the very start
of which idea restor'd me to perfect composure; and delighted as I was with the
confuse'd plan of it in my head, I was easily mistress enough of myself to
support the part of ignorance I had prescrib'd to myself; and as all this circle
of reflections was instantly over, I stole a tip-toe to the passage door, and
opening it with a noise, pass'd for having that moment come home; and after a
short pause, as if to pull off my things, I opened the door into the dining
room, where I found the dowdy blowing the fire, and my faithful shepherd walking
about the room and whistling, as cool and unconcern'd as if nothing had
happened. I think, however, he had not much to brag of having out-dissembled me:
for I kept up, nobly, the character of our sex for art, and went up to him with
the same open air of frankness as I had ever receive'd him. He stayed but a
little while, made some excuse for not being able to stay the evening with me,
and went out.
    As for the wench, she was now spoil'd, at least for my servant; and scarce
eight and forty hours were gone round, before her insolence, on what had pass'd
between Mr. H... and her, gave me so fair an occasion to turn her away, at a
minute's warning, that not to have done it would have been the wonder: so that
he could neither disapprove it nor find in it the least reason to suspect my
original motive. What became of her afterwards, I know not; but generous as Mr.
H... was, he undoubtedly made her amends: though, I dare answer, that he kept up
no farther commerce with her of that sort; as his stooping to such a coarse
morsel was only a sudden sally of lust, on seeing a wholesome-looking, buxom
country-wench, and no more strange than hunger, or even a whimsical appetite's
making a fling meal of neck-beef, for change of diet.
    Had I consider'd this escapade of Mr. H... in no more than that light and
contented myself with turning away the wench, I had thought and acted right;
but, flush'd as I was with imaginary wrongs, I should have held Mr. H... to have
been cheaply off, if I had not push'd my revenge farther, and repaid him, as
exactly as I could for the soul of me, in the same coin.
    Nor was this worthy act of justice long delay'd: I had it too much at heart.
Mr. H... had, about a fortnight before, taken into his service a tenant's son,
just come out of the country, a very handsome young lad scarce turn'd of
nineteen, fresh as a rose, well shap'd and clever limb'd: in short, a very good
excuse for any woman's liking, even tho' revenge had been out of the question;
any woman, I say, who was disprejudic'd, and had wit and spirit enough to prefer
a point of pleasure to a point of pride.
    Mr. H... had clap'd a livery upon him; and his chief employ was, after being
shown my lodgings, to bring and carry letters or messages between his master and
me; and as the situation of all kept ladies is not the fittest to inspire
respect, even to the meanest of mankind, and, perhaps, less of it from the most
ignorant, I could not help observing that this lad, who was, I suppose,
acquainted with my relation to his master by his fellow-servants, used to eye me
in that bashful confuse'd way, more expressive, more moving and readier catch'd
at by our sex, than any other declarations whatever: my figure had, it seems,
struck him, and modest and innocent as he was, he did not himself know that the
pleasure he took in looking at me was love, or desire; but his eyes, naturally
wanton, and now enflam'd with passion, spoke a great deal more than he durst
have imagine'd they did. Hitherto, indeed, I had only taken notice of the
comeliness of the youth, but without the least design: my pride alone would have
guarded me from a thought that way, had not Mr. H...'s condescension with my
maid, where there was not half the temptation in point of person, set me a
dangerous example; but now I began to look on this stripling as every way a
delicious instrument of my design'd retaliation upon Mr. H... of an obligation
for which I should have made a conscience to die in his debt.
    In order then to pave the way for the accomplishment of my scheme, for two
or three times that the young fellow came to me with messages, I manage'd so, as
without affectation to have him admitted to my bed-side, or brought to me at my
toilet, where I was dressing; and by carelessly showing or letting him see, as
if without meaning or design, sometimes my bosom rather more bare than it should
be; sometimes my hair, of which I had a very fine head, in the natural flow of
it while combing; sometimes a neat leg, that had unfortunately splipped its garter,
which I made no scruple of tying before him, easily gave him the impressions
favourable to my purpose, which I could perceive to sparkle in his eyes, and
glow in his cheeks: then certain slight squeezes by the hand, as I took letters
from him, did his business completely.
    When I saw him thus mov'd, and fired for my purpose, I inflam'd him yet
more, by asking him several leading questions, such as had he a mistress? ...
was she prettier than me? ... could he love such a one as I was? ... and the
like; to all which the blushing simpleton answer'd to my wish, in a strain of
perfect nature, perfect undebauch'd innocence, but with all the aukwardness and
simplicity of country-breeding.
    When I thought I had sufficiently ripen'd him for the laudable point I had
in view, one day that I expected him at a particular hour, I took care to have
the coast clear for the reception I design'd him; and, as I laid it, he came to
the dining-room door, tapped at it, and, on my bidding him come in, he did so,
and shut the door after him. I desire'd him, then, to bolt it on the inside,
pretending it would not otherwise keep shut.
    I was then lying at length upon that very couch, the scene of Mr. H...'s
polite joys, in an undress which was with all the art of negligence flowing
loose, and in a most tempting disorder: no stays, no hoop ... no encumbrance
whatever. On the other hand, he stood at a little distance, that gave me a full
view of a fine featur'd, shapely, healthy country lad, breathing the sweets of
fresh blooming youth; his hair, which was of a perfect shining black, play'd to
his face in natural side-curls, and was set out with a smart tuck-up behind; new
buckskin breeches, that, clipping close, show'd the shape of a plump, well made
thigh; white stockings, garter-lac'd livery, shoulder knot, altogether compos'd
a figure in which the beauties of pure flesh and blood appeared under no
disgrace from the lowness of a dress, to which a certain spruce neatness seems
peculiarly fitted.
    I bid him come towards me and give me his letter, at the same time throwing
down, carelessly, a book I had in my hands. He colour'd, and came within reach
of delivering me the letter, which he held out, awkwardly enough, for me to
take, with his eyes riveted on my bosom, which was, through the design'd
disorder of my handkerchief, sufficiently bare, and rather shaded than hid.
    I, smiling in his face, took the letter, and immediately catching gently
hold of his shirt sleeve, drew him towards me, blushing, and almost trembling;
for surely his extreme bashfulness, and utter inexperience, call'd for, at
least, all the advances to encourage him: his body was now conveniently inclin'd
towards me, and just softly chucking his smooth beardless chin, I asked him if
he was afraid of a lady? ..., and with that took, and carrying his hand to my
breasts, I prest it tenderly to them. They were now finely furnish'd, and raise'd
in flesh, so that, panting with desire, they rose and fell, in quick heaves,
under his touch: at this, the boy's eyes began to lighten with all the fires of
inflam'd nature, and his cheeks flush'd with a deep scarlet: tongue-tied with
joy, rapture, and bashfulness, he could not speak, but then his looks, his
emotion, sufficiently satisfy'd me that my train had taken, and that I had no
disappointment to fear.
    My lips, which I threw in his way, so as that he could not escape kissing
them, fix'd, fired, and embolden'd him: and now, glancing my eyes towards that
part of his dress which cover'd the essential object of enjoyment, I plainly
discover'd the swell and commotion there; and as I was now too far advance'd to
stop in so fair a way, and was indeed no longer able to contain myself, or wait
the slower progress of his maiden bashfulness (for such it seem'd, and really
was), I stole my hand upon his thighs, down one of which I could both see and
feel a stiff hard body, confine'd by his breeches, that my fingers could discover
no end to. Curious then, and eager to unfold so alarming a mystery, playing, as
it were, with his buttons, which were bursting ripe from the active force
within, those of his waistband and fore-flap flew open at a touch, when out IT
started; and now, disengag'd from the shirt, I saw, with wonder and surprise,
what? not the play-thing of a boy, not the weapon of a man, but a maypole of so
enormous a standard, that had proportions been observe'd, it must have belong'd
to a young giant. Its prodigious size made me shrink again; yet I could not,
without pleasure, behold, and even venture'd to feel, such a length, such a
breadth of animated ivory! perfectly well turn'd and fashion'd, the proud
stiffness of which distended its skin, whose smooth polish and velvet softness
might vie with that of the most delicate of our sex, and whose exquisite
whiteness was not a little set off by a sprout of black curling hair round the
root, through the jetty sprigs of which the fair skin show'd as in a fine
evening you may have remark'd the clear light æther through the branchwork of
distant trees over-topping the summit of a hill: then the broad and
blueish-casted incarnate of the head, and blue serpentines of its veins,
altogether compos'd the most striking assemblage of figure and colours in
nature. In short, it stood an object of terror and delight.
    But what was yet more surprising, the owner of this natural curiosity,
through the want of occasions in the strictness of his home-breeding, and the
little time he had been in town not having afforded him one, was hitherto an
absolute stranger, in practice at least, to the use of all that manhood he was
so nobly stock'd with; and it now fell to my lot to stand his first trial of it,
if I could resolve to run the risks of its disproportion to that tender part of
me, which such an oversiz'd machine was very fit to lay in ruins.
    But it was now of the latest to deliberate; for, by this time, the young
fellow, overheated with the present objects, and too high mettled to be longer
curb'd in by that modesty and awe which had hitherto restrain'd him, venture'd,
under the stronger impulse and instructive promptership of nature alone, to slip
his hands, trembling with eager impetuous desires, under my petticoats; and
seeing, I suppose, nothing extremely severe in my looks to stop or dash him, he
feels out, and seizes, gently, the centre-spot of his ardours. Oh then! the
fiery touch of his fingers determines me, and my fears melting away before the
glowing intolerable heat, my thighs disclose of themselves, and yield all
liberty to his hand: and now, a favourable movement giving my petticoats a toss,
the avenue lay too fair, too open to be miss'd. He is now upon me: I had placed
myself with a jet under him, as commodious and open as possible to his attempts,
which were untoward enough, for his machine, meeting with no inlet, bore and
batter'd stiffly against me in random pushes, now above, now below, now beside
his point; till, burning with impatience from its irritating touches, I guided
gently, with my hand, this furious engine to where my young novice was now to be
taught his first lesson of pleasure. Thus he nick'd, at length, the warm and
insufficient orifice; but he was made to find no breach impracticable, and mine,
tho' so often enter'd, was still far from wide enough to take him easily in.
    By my direction, however, the head of his unwieldy machine was so critically
pointed that, feeling him foreright against the tender opening, a favourable
motion from me met his timely thrust, by which the lips of it, strenuously
dilated, gave way to his thus assisted impetuosity, so that we might both feel
that he had gain'd a lodgement. Pursuing then his point, he soon, by violent,
and, to me, most painful piercing thrusts, wedges himself at length so far in,
as to be now tolerably secure of his entrance: here he stuck, and I now felt
such a mixture of pleasure and pain, as there is no giving a definition of. I
dreaded alike his splitting me farther up, or his withdrawing; I could not bear
either to keep or part with him. The sense of pain however prevailing, from his
prodigious size and stiffness, acting upon me in those continued rapid thrusts,
with which he furiously pursue'd his penetration, made me cry out gently: »Oh! my
dear, you hurt me!« This was enough to check the tender respectful boy even in
his mid-career; and he immediately drew out the sweet cause of my complaint,
whilst his eyes eloquently express'd, at once, his grief for hurting me, and his
reluctance at dislodging from quarters of which the warmth and closeness had
given him a gust of pleasure that he was now desire-mad to satisfy, and yet too
much a novice not to be afraid of my withholding his relief, on account of the
pain he had put me to.
    But I was, myself, far from being pleas'd with his having too much regarded
my tender exclaims; for now, more and more fired with the object before me, as
it still stood with the fiercest erection, unbonnetted, and displaying its broad
vermilion head, I first gave the youth a re-encouraging kiss, which he repaid me
with a fervour that seem'd at once to thank me, and bribe my farther compliance;
and soon replac'd myself in a posture to receive, at all risks, the renew'd
invasion, which he did not delay an instant: for, being presently remounted, I
once more felt the smooth hard gristle forcing an entrance, which he achiev'd
rather easier than before. Pain'd, however, as I was, with his efforts of
gaining a complete admission, which he was so regardful as to manage by gentle
degrees, I took care not to complain. In the meantime, the soft strait passage
gradually loosens, yields, and, stretch'd to its utmost bearing, by the stiff,
thick, indriven engine, sensible, at once, to the ravishing pleasure of the feel
and the pain of the distension, let him in about half way, when all the most
nervous activity he now exerted, to further his penetration, gain'd him not an
inch of his purpose: for, whilst he hesitated there, the crisis of pleasure
overtook him, and the close compressure of the warm surrounding fold drew from
him the extatic gush, even before mine was ready to meet it, kept up by the pain
I had endur'd in the course of the engagement, from the insufferable size of his
weapon, tho' it was not as yet in above half its length.
    I expected then, but without wishing it, that he would draw, but was
pleasantly disappointed: for he was not to be let off so. The well breath'd
youth, hot-mettled, and flush with genial juices, was now fairly in for making
me know my driver. As soon, then, as he had made a short pause, waking, as it
were, out of the trance of pleasure (in which every sense seem'd lost for a
while, whilst, with his eyes shut, and short quick breathing, he had yielded
down his maiden tribute), he still kept his post, yet unsated with enjoyment,
and solacing in these so new delights; till his stiffness, which had scarce
perceptibly remitted, being thoroughly recovered to him, who had not once
unsheath'd, he proceeded afresh to cleave and open to himself an entire entry
into me, which was not a little made easy to him by the balsamic injection with
which he had just plentifully moisten'd the whole internals of the passage.
Redoubling, then, the active energy of his thrusts, favoured by the fervid
appetite of my motions, the soft oiled wards can no longer stand so effectual a
picklock, but yield, and open him an entrance. And now, with conspiring nature,
and my industry, strong to aid him, he pierces, penetrates, and at length,
winning his way inch by inch, gets entirely in, and finally mighty thrust
sheaths it up to the guard: on the information of which, from the close jointure
of our bodies (insomuch that the hair on both sides perfectly interweav'd and
incircl'd together), the eyes of the transported youth sparkl'd with more joyous
fires, and all his looks and motions acknowledged excess of pleasure, which I
now began to share, for I felt him in my very vitals! I was quite sick with
delight! stir'd beyond bearing with its furious agitations within me, and gorged
and cramm'd, even to surfeit. Thus I lay gasping, panting under him, till his
broken breathings, faltering accents, eyes twinkling with humid fires, lunges
more furious, and an increased stiffness, gave me to hail the approaches of the
second period: it came ... and the sweet youth, overpower'd with the ecstasy,
died away in my arms, melting in a flood that shot in genial warmth into the
innermost recesses of my body; every conduit of which, dedicated to that
pleasure, was on flow to mix with it. Thus we continued for some instants, lost,
breathless, senseless of every thing, and in every part but those favourite ones
of nature, in which all that we enjoyed of life and sensation was now totally
concentre'd.
    When our mutual trance was a little over, and the young fellow had withdrawn
that delicious stretcher, with which he had most plentifully drowned all
thoughts of revenge in the sense of actual pleasure, the widen'd wounded passage
refunded a stream of pearly liquids, which flowed down my thighs, mixed with
streaks of blood, the marks of the ravage of that monstrous machine of his,
which had now triumph'd over a kind of second maidenhead. I stole, however, my
handkerchief to those parts, and wip'd them as dry as I could, whilst he was
re-adjusting and buttoning up.
    I made him now sit down by me, and as he had gather'd courage from such
extreme intimacy, he gave me an aftercourse of pleasure, in a natural burst of
tender gratitude and joy, at the new scenes of bliss I had opened to him: scenes
positively new, as he had never before had the least acquaintance with that
mysterious mark, the cloven stamp of female distinction, tho' nobody better
qualify'd than he to penetrate into its deepest recesses, or do it nobler
justice. But when, by certain motions, certain unquietnesses of his hands, that
wandered not without design, I found he languish'd for satisfying a curiosity,
natural enough, to view and handle those parts which attract and concentre the
warmest force of imagination, charmed as I was to have any occasion of obliging
and humouring his young desires, I suffer'd him to proceed as he pleased,
without check or control, to the satisfaction of them.
    Easily, then, reading in my eyes the full permission of myself to all his
wishes, he scarce pleased himself more than me when, having insinuated his hand
under my petticoat and shift, he presently removed those bars to the sight by
slyly lifting them upwards, under favour of a thousand kisses, which he thought,
perhaps, necessary to divert my attention from what he was about. All my drapery
being now roll'd up to my waist, I threw myself into such a posture upon the
couch, as gave up to him, in full view, the whole region of delight, and all the
luxurious landscape round it. The transported youth devour'd every thing with
his eyes, and try'd, with his fingers, to lay more open to his sight the secrets
of that dark and delicious deep: he opens the folding lips, the softness of
which, yielding entry to any thing of a hard body, close round it, and oppose
the sight: and feeling further, meets with, and wonders at, a soft fleshy
excrescence, which, limber and relaxed after the late enjoyment, now grew, under
the touch and examination of his fiery fingers, more and more stiff and
considerable, till the titillating ardours of that so sensible part made me
sigh, as if he had hurt me; on which he withdrew his curious probing fingers,
asking me pardon, as it were, in a kiss that rather increased the flame there.
    Novelty ever makes the strongest impressions, and in pleasures, especially;
no wonder, then, that he was swallowed up in raptures of admiration of things so
interesting by their nature, and now seen and handled for the first time. On my
part, I was richly overpaid for the pleasure I gave him, in that of examining
the power of those objects thus abandon'd to him, naked and free to his loosest
wish, over the artless, natural stripling: his eyes streaming fire, his cheeks
glowing with a florid red, his fervid frequent sighs, whilst his hands
convulsively squeez'd, opened, pressed together again the lips and sides of that
deep flesh wound, or gently twitched the overgrowing moss; and all proclaimed
the excess, the riot of joys, in having his wantonness thus humour'd. But he did
not long abuse my patience, for the objects before him had now put him by all
his, and, coming out with that formidable machine of his, he lets the fury
loose, and pointing it directly to the pouting-lipt mouth, that bid him sweet
defiance in dumb-show, squeezes in the head, and, driving with refreshed rage,
breaks in, and plugs up the whole passage of that soft pleasure-conduit, where
he makes all shake again, and put, once more, all within me into such an uproar,
as nothing could still but a fresh inundation from the very engine of those
flames, as well as from all the springs with which nature floats that reservoir
of joy, when risen to its flood-mark.
    I was now so bruised, so batter'd, so spent with this over-match, that I
could hardly stir, or raise myself, but lay palpitating, till the ferment of my
sense subsiding by degrees, and the hour striking at which I was oblige'd to
dispatch my young man, I tenderly advised him of the necessity there was for
parting; which I felt as much displeasure at as he could do, who seemed eagerly
disposed to keep the field, and to enter on a fresh action. But the danger was
too great, and after some hearty kisses of leave, and recommendations of secrecy
and discretion, I force'd myself to send him away, not without assurances of
seeing him again, to the same purpose, as soon as possible, and thrust a guinea
into his hands: not more, lest, being too flush of money, a suspicion or
discovery might arise from thence, having everything to fear from the dangerous
indiscretion of that age in which young fellows would be too irresistible, too
charming, if we had not that terrible fault to guard against.
    Giddy and intoxicated as I was with such satiating draughts of pleasure, I
still lay on the couch, supinely stretched out, in a delicious languor diffus'd
over all my limbs, hugging myself for being thus revenged to my heart's content,
and that in a manner so precisely alike, and on the identical spot in which I
had received the supposed injury. No reflections on the consequences ever once
perplex'd me, nor did I make myself one single reproach for having, by this
step, completely entered myself of a profession more decry'd than disused. I
should have held it ingratitude to the pleasure I had received to have repented
of it; and since I was now over the bar, I thought, by plunging over head and
ears into the stream I was hurried away by, to drown all sense of shame or
reflection.
    Whilst I was thus making these laudable dispositions, and whispering to
myself a kind of tacit vow of incontinency, enters Mr. H... The consciousness of
what I had been doing deepen'd yet the glowing of my cheeks, flushed with the
warmth of the late action, which, joined to the piquant air of my dishabille,
drew from Mr. H... a compliment on my looks, which he was proceeding to back the
sincerity of with proofs, and that with so brisk an action as made me tremble
for fear of a discovery from the condition of those parts were left in from
their late severe handling: the orifice dilated and inflamed, the lips swollen
with their uncommon distension, the ringlets pressed down, crushed and uncurl'd
with the over-flowing moisture that had wet every thing round it; in short, the
different feel and state of things would hardly have passed upon one of Mr.
H...'s nicety and experience unaccounted for but by the real cause. But here the
woman saved me: I pretended a violent disorder of my head, and a feverish heat,
that indispos'd me too much to receive his embraces. He gave in to this, and
good-naturedly desisted. Soon after, an old lady coming in made a third, very
à-propos for the confusion I was in, and Mr. H..., after bidding me take care of
myself, and recommending me to my repose, left me much at ease and reliev'd by
his absence.
    In the close of the evening, I took care to have prepare'd for me a warm bath
of aromatick and sweet herbs; in which having fully laved and solaced myself, I
came out voluptuously refresh'd in body and spirit.
    The next morning, waking pretty early, after a night's perfect rest and
composure, it was not without some dread and uneasiness that I thought of what
innovation that tender, soft system of mine might have sustained from the shock
of a machine so sized for its destruction.
    Struck with this apprehension, I scarce dared to carry my hand thither, to
inform myself of the state and posture of things.
    But I was soon agreeably cur'd of my fears.
    The silky hair that covered round the borders, now smooth'd and re-pruned,
had resumed its wonted curl and trimness; the fleshy pouting lips that had stood
the brunt of the engagement, were no longer swollen or moisture-drenched; and
neither they, nor the passage into which they opened, that suffered so great a
dilatation, betray'd any the least alteration, outward or inwardly, to the most
curious research, notwithstanding also the laxity that naturally follows the
warm bath.
    This continuation of that grateful stricture which is in us, to the men, the
very jet of their pleasure, I ow'd, it seems, to a happy habit of body, juicy,
plump and furnished towards the texture of those parts, with a fullness of soft
springy flesh, that yielding sufficiently, as it does, to almost any distension
soon recovers itself so as to retighten that strict compression of its mantlings
and folds, which form the sides of the passage, wherewith it so tenderly
embraces and closely clips any foreign body introduc'd into it, such as my
exploring finger then was.
    Finding then every thing in due tone and order, I remember'd my fears, only
to make a jest of them to myself. And now, palpably mistress of any size of man,
and triumphing in my double achievement of pleasure and revenge, I abandon'd
myself entirely to the ideas of all the delight I had swam in. I lay stretching
out, glowingly alive all over, and tossing with burning impatience for the
renewal of joys that had sinned but in a sweet excess; nor did I loose my
longing, for about ten in the morning, according to expectation, Will, my new
humble sweetheart, came with a message from his master, Mr. H..., to know how I
did. I had taken care to send my maid on an errand into the city, that I was
sure would take up time enough; and, from the people of the house, I had nothing
to fear, as they were plain good sort of folks, and wise enough to mind no more
other people's business than they could well help.
    All dispositions then made, not forgetting that of lying in bed to receive
him, when he was entered the door of my bed-chamber, a latch, that I governed by
a wire, descended and secure'd it.
    I could not but observe that my young minion was as much spruced out as
could be expected from one in his condition: a desire of pleasing that could not
be indifferent to me, since it prov'd that I pleased him; which, I assure you,
was now a point I was not above having in view.
    His hair trimly dressed, clean linen, and, above all, a hale, ruddy,
wholesome country look, made him out as pretty a piece of woman's meat as you
could see, and I should have thought any one much out of taste that could not
have made a hearty meal of such a morsel as nature seemed to have design'd for
the highest diet of pleasure.
    And why should I here suppress the delight I received from this amiable
creature, in remarking each artless look, each motion of pure undissembled
nature, betrayed by his wanton eyes; or showing, transparently, the glow and
suffusion of blood through his fresh, clear skin, whilst even his sturdy rustic
pressures wanted not their peculiar charm? Oh! but, say you, this was a young
fellow of too low a rank of life to deserve so great a display. May be so: but
was my condition, strictly consider'd one jot more exalted? or, had I really
been much above him, did not his capacity of giving such exquisite pleasure
sufficiently raise and ennoble him, to me, at least? Let who would, for me,
cherish, respect, and reward the painter's, the statuary's, the musician's arts,
in proportion to delight taken in them: but at my age, and with my taste for
pleasure, a taste strongly constitutional to me, the talent of pleasing, with
which nature has endowed a handsome person, form'd to me the greatest of all
merits; compared to which, the vulgar prejudices in favour of titles, dignities,
honours, and the like, held a very low rank indeed. Nor perhaps would the
beauties of the body be so much affected to be held cheap, were they, in their
nature, to be bought and delivered. But for me, whose natural philosophy all
resided in the favourite centre of sense, and who was rul'd by its powerful
instinct in taking pleasure by its right handle, I could scarce have made a
choice more to my purpose.
    Mr. H...'s loftier qualifications of birth, fortune and sense laid me under
a sort of subjection and constraint that were far from making harmony in the
concert of love; nor had he, perhaps, thought me worth softening that
superiority to; but, with this lad, I was more on that level which love delights
in.
    We may say what we please, but those we can be the easiest and freest with
are ever those we like, not to say love, the best.
    With this stripling, all whose art of love was the action of it, I could,
without check of awe or restraint, give a loose to joy, and execute every scheme
of dalliance my fond fancy might put me on, in which he was, in every sense, a
most exquisite companion. And now my great pleasure lay in humouring all the
petulances, all the wanton frolic of a raw novice just fleshed, and keen on the
burning scent of his game, but unbroken to the sport: and, to carry on the
figure, who could better THREAD THE WOOD than he, or stand fairer for the HEART
OF THE HUNT?
    He advance'd then to my bed-side, and whilst he faltered out his message, I
could observe his colour rise, and his eyes lighten with joy, in seeing me in a
situation as favourable to his loosest wishes as if he had bespoke the play.
    I smiled, and put out my hand towards him, which he kneeled down to (a
politeness taught him by love alone, that great master of it) and greedily
kiss'd. After exchanging a few confused questions and answers, I ask'd him if he
would come to bed to me, for the little time I could venture to detain him. This
was just asking a person, dying with hunger, to feast upon the dish on earth the
most to his palate. Accordingly, without further reflection, his clothes were
off in an instant; when, blushing still more at his new liberty, he got under
the bed-clothes I held up to receive him, and was now in bed with a woman for
the first time in his life.
    Here began the usual tender preliminaries, as delicious, perhaps, as the
crowning act of enjoyment itself; which they often beget an impatience of, that
makes pleasure destructive of itself, by hurrying on the final period, and
closing that scene of bliss, in which the actors are generally too well pleas'd
with their parts not to wish them an eternity of duration.
    When we had sufficiently graduated our advances towards the main point, by
toying, kissing, clipping, feeling my breasts, now round and plump, feeling that
part of me I might call a furnace-mouth, from the prodigious intense heat his
fiery touches had rekindled there, my young sportsman, embolden'd by every
freedom he could wish, wantonly takes my hand, and carries it to that enormous
machine of his, that stood with a stiffness! a hardness! an upward bent of
erection! and which, together with its bottom dependence, the inestimable bulge
of lady's jewels, formed a grand show out of goods indeed! Then its dimensions,
mocking either grasp or span, almost renew'd my terrors.
    I could not conceive how, or by what means I could take, or put such a bulk
out of sight. I stroked it gently, on which the mutinous rogue seemed to swell,
and gather a new degree of fierceness and insolence; so that finding it grew not
to be trifled with any longer, I prepare'd for rubbers in good earnest.
    Slipping then a pillow under me, that I might give him the fairest play, I
guided officiously with my hand this furious battering ram, whose ruby head,
presenting nearest the resemblance of a heart, I applied to its proper mark,
which lay as finely elevated as we could wish; my hips being borne up, and my
thighs at their utmost extension, the gleamy warmth that shot from it made him
feel that he was at the mouth of the indraught, and driving foreright, the
powerfully divided lips of that pleasure-thirsty channel receive'd him. He
hesitated a little; then, settled well in the passage, he makes his way up the
straits of it, with a difficulty nothing more than pleasing, widening as he
went, so as to distend and smooth each soft furrow: our pleasure increasing
deliciously, in proportion as our points of mutual touch increas'd in that so
vital part of me in which I had now taken him, all indriven, and completely
sheathed; and which, crammed as it was, stretched, splitting ripe, gave it so
gratefully strait an accommodation! so strict a fold! a suction so fierce! that
gave and took unutterable delight. We had now reach'd the closest point of
union; but when he backened to come on the fiercer, as if I had been actuated by
a fear of losing him, in the height of my fury I twisted my legs round his naked
loins, the flesh of which, so firm, so springy to the touch, quiver'd again
under the pressure; and now I had him every way encircled and begirt; and having
drawn him home to me, I kept him fast there, as if I had sought to unite bodies
with him at that point. This bred a pause of action, a pleasure stop, whilst
that delicate glutton, my nethermouth, as full as it could hold, kept palating,
with exquisite relish, the morsel that so deliciously ingorged it. But nature
could not long endure a pleasure that so highly provoked without satisfying it:
pursuing then its darling end, the battery recommenc'd with redoubled exertion;
nor lay I inactive on my side, but encountering him with all the impetuosity of
motion I was mistress of. The downy cloth of our meeting mounts was now of real
use to break the violence of the tilt; and soon, too soon indeed! the
highwrought agitation, the sweet urgency of this to-and-fro friction, raised the
titillation on me to its height; so that finding myself on the point of going,
and loath to leave the tender partner of my joys behind me, I employed all the
forwarding motions and arts my experience suggested to me, to promote his
keeping me company to our journey's end. I not only then tighten'd the
pleasure-girth round my restless inmate by a secret spring of friction and
compression that obeys the will in those parts, but stole my hand softly to that
store bag of nature's prime sweets, which is so pleasingly attach'd to its
conduit pipe, from which we receive them; there feeling, and most gently indeed,
squeezing those tender globular reservoirs; the magic touch took instant effect,
quicken'd, and brought on upon the spur the symptoms of that sweet agony, the
melting moment of dissolution, when pleasure dies by pleasure, and the
mysterious engine of it overcomes the titillation it has raise'd in those parts,
by plying them with the stream of a warm liquid that is itself the highest of
all titillations, and which they thirstily express and draw in like the
hot-natured leach, which to cool itself, tenaciously attracts all the moisture
within its sphere of exsuction. Chiming then to me, with exquisite consent, as I
melted away, his oily balsamic injection, mixing deliciously with the sluices in
flow from me, sheath'd and blunted all the stings of pleasure, it flung us into
an ecstasy that extended us fainting, breathless, entranced. Thus we lay, whilst
a voluptuous languor possest, and still maintain'd us motionless and fast locked
in one another's arms. Alas! that these delights should be no longer-lived! for
now the point of pleasure, unedged by enjoyment, and all the brisk sensations
flatten'd upon us, resigned us up to the cool cares of insipid life. Disengaging
myself then from his embrace, I made him sensible of the reasons there were for
his present leaving me; on which, though reluctantly, he put on his clothes with
as little expedition, however, as he could help, wantonly interrupting himself,
between whiles, with kisses, touches and embraces I could not refuse myself to.
Yet he happily return'd to his master before he was missed; but, at taking
leave, I force'd him (for he had sentiments enough to refuse it) to receive money
enough to buy a silver watch, that great article of subaltern finery, which he
at length accepted of, as a remembrance he was carefully to preserve of my
affections.
    And here, Madam, I ought, perhaps, to make you an apology for this minute
detail of things, that dwelt so strongly upon my memory, after so deep an
impression: but, besides that this intrigue bred one great revolution in my
life, which historical truth requires I should not sink from you, may I not
presume that so exalted a pleasure ought not to be ungratefully forgotten, or
suppress'd by me, because I found it in a character in low life; where, by the
bye, it is oftener met with, purer, and more unsophisticate, that among the
false, ridiculous refinements with which the great suffer themselves to be so
grossly cheated by their pride: the great! than whom there exist few amongst
those they call the vulgar, who are more ignorant of, or who cultivate less, the
art of living than they do; they, I say, who for ever mistake things the most
foreign of the nature of pleasure itself; whose capital favourite object is
enjoyment of beauty, wherever that rare invaluable gift is found, without
distinction of birth, or station.
    As love never had, so now revenge had no longer any share in my commerce
with this handsome youth. The sole pleasures of enjoyment were now the link I
held to him by: for though nature had done such great matters for him in his
outward form, and especially in that superb piece of furniture she had so
liberally enrich'd him with; though he was thus qualify'd to give the senses
their richest feast, still there was something more wanting to create in me, and
constitute the passion of love. Yet Will had very good qualities too; gentle,
tractable, and, above all, grateful; close, and secret, even to a fault: he
spoke, at any time, very little, but made it up emphatically with action; and,
to do him justice, he never gave me the least reason to complain, either of any
tendency to encroach upon me for the liberties I allow'd him, or of his
indiscretion in blabbing them. There is, then, a fatality in love, or have loved
him I must; for he was really a treasure, a bit for the BONNE BOUCHE of a
duchess; and, to say the truth, my liking for him was so extreme, that it was
distinguishing very nicely to deny that I loved him.
    My happiness, however, with him did not last long, but found an end from my
own imprudent neglect. After having taken even superfluous precautions against a
discovery, our success in repeated meetings embolden'd me to omit the barely
necessary ones. About a month after our first intercourse, one fatal morning
(the season Mr. H... rarely or never visited me in) I was in my closet, where my
toilet stood, in nothing but my shift, a bed gown and under-petticoat. Will was
with me, and both ever too well disposed to baulk an opportunity. For my part, a
warm whim, a wanton toy had just taken me, and I had challeng'd my man to
execute it on the spot, who hesitated not to comply with my humour: I was set in
the arm-chair, my shift and petticoat up, my thighs wide spread and mounted over
the arms of the chair, presenting the fairest mark to Will's drawn weapon, which
he stood in act to plunge into me; when, having neglected to secure the chamber
door, and that of the closet standing a-jar, Mr. H... stole in upon us before
either of us was aware, and saw us precisely in these convicting attitudes.
    I gave a great scream, and drop'd my petticoat: the thunder-struck lad stood
trembling and pale, waiting his sentence of death. Mr. H... looked sometimes at
one, sometimes at the other, with a mixture of indignation and scorn; and,
without saying a word, turn'd upon his heel and went out.
    As confused as I was, I heard him very distinctly turn the key, and lock the
chamber-door upon us, so that there was no escape but through the dining-room,
where he himself was walking about with distempered strides, stamping in a great
chafe, and doubtless debating what he would do with us.
    In the mean time, poor William was frightened out of his senses, and, as
much need as I had of spirits to support myself, I was obliged to employ them
all to keep his a little up. The misfortune I had now brought upon him, endear'd
him the more to me, and I could have joyfully suffered any punishment he had not
shared in. I water'd, plentifully, with my tears, the face of the frightened
youth, who sat, not having strength to stand, as cold and as lifeless as a
statue.
    Presently Mr. H... comes in to us again, and made us go before him into the
dining-room, trembling and dreading the issue. Mr. H... sat down on a chair
whilst we stood like criminals under examination; and, beginning with me, ask'd
me, with an even firm tone of voice, neither soft nor severe, but cruelly
indifferent, what I could say for myself, for having abused him in so unworthy a
manner, with his own servant too, and how he had deserve'd this of me?
    Without adding to the guilt of my infidelity that of an audacious defence of
it, in the old style of a common kept Miss, my answer was modest, and often
interrupted by my tears, in substance as follows: that I never had a single
thought of wronging him (which was true), till I had seen him taking the last
liberties with my servant-wench (here he colour'd prodigiously), and that my
resentment at that, which I was over-awed from giving vent to by complaints, or
explanations with him, had driven me to a course that I did not pretend to
justify; but that as to the young man, he was entirely faultless; for that, in
the view of making him the instrument of my revenge, I had down-right seduced
him to what he had done; and therefore hoped, whatever he determined about me,
he would distinguish between the guilty and the innocent; and that, for the
rest, I was entirely at his mercy.
    Mr. H..., on hearing what I said, hung his head a little; but instantly
recovering himself, he said to me, as near as I can retain, to the following
purpose:
    »Madam, I owe shame to myself, and confess you have fairly turn'd the tables
upon me. It is not with one of your cast of breeding and sentiments that I
should enter into a discussion of the very great difference of the provocations:
be it sufficient that I allow you so much reason on your side, as to have
changed my resolutions, in consideration of what you reproach me with; and I
own, too, that your clearing that rascal there, is fair and honest in you. Renew
with you I cannot: the affront is too gross. I give you a week's warning to go
out of these lodgings; whatever I have given you, remains to you; and as I never
intend to see you more, the landlord will pay you fifty pieces on my account,
with which, and every debt paid, I hope you will own I do not leave you in a
worse condition than what I took you up in, or than you deserve of me. Blame
yourself only that it is no better.«
    Then, without giving me time to reply, he address'd himself to the young
fellow:
    »For you, spark, I shall, for your father's sake, take care of you: the town
is no place for such an easy fool as thou art; and to-morrow you shall set out,
under the charge of one of my men, well recommended, in my name, to your father,
not to let you return and be spoil'd here.«
    At these words he went out, after my vainly attempting to stop him by
throwing myself at his feet. He shook me off, though he seemed greatly mov'd
too, and took Will away with him, who, I dare swear, thought himself very
cheaply off.
    I was now once more a-drift, and left upon my own hands, by a gentleman whom
I certainly did not deserve. And all the letters, arts, friends' entreaties that
I employed within the week of grace in my lodging, could never win on him so
much as to see me again. He had irrevocably pronounc'd my doom, and submission
to it was my only part. Soon after he married a lady of birth and fortune, to
whom, I have heard, he prov'd an irreproachable husband.
    As for poor Will, he was immediately sent down to the country to his father,
who was an easy farmer, where he was not four months before an inn-keeper's
buxom young widow, with a very good stock, both in money and trade, fancy'd, and
perhaps pre-acquainted with his secret excellencies, marry'd him: and I am sure
there was, at least, one good foundation for their living happily together.
    Though I should have been charm'd to see him before he went, such measures
were taken, by Mr. H...'s orders, that it was impossible; otherwise I should
certainly have endeavour'd to detain him in town, and would have spared neither
offers nor expense to have procured myself the satisfaction of keeping him with
me. He had such powerful holds upon my inclinations as were not easily to be
shaken off, or replaced; as to my heart, it was quite out of the question: glad,
however, I was from my soul, that nothing worse, and as things turn'd out,
probably nothing better could have happened to him.
    As to Mr. H..., though views of conveniency made me, at first, exert myself
to regain his affection, I was giddy and thoughtless enough to be much easier
reconcil'd to my failure than I ought to have been; but as I never had love'd
him, and his leaving me gave me a sort of liberty that I had often long'd for, I
was soon comforted; and flattering myself that the stock of youth and beauty I
was going into trade with could hardly fail of procuring me a maintenance, I saw
myself under a necessity of trying my fortune with them, rather, with pleasure
and gaiety, than with the least idea of despondency.
    In the mean time, several of my acquaintances among the sisterhood, who had
soon got wind of my misfortune, flocked to insult me with their malicious
consolations. Most of them had long envied me the affluence and splendour I had
been maintain'd in; and though there was scarce one of them that did not at
least deserve to be in my case, and would probably, sooner or later, come to it,
it was equally easy to remark, even in their affected pity, their secret
pleasure at seeing me thus disgrac'd and discarded, and their secret grief that
it was no worse with me. Unaccountable malice of the human heart! and which is
not confine'd to the class of life they were of.
    But as the time approached for me to come to some resolution how to dispose
of myself, and I was considering round where to shift my quarters to, Mrs. Cole,
a middle-aged discreet sort of woman, who had been brought into my acquaintance
by one of the Misses that visited me, upon learning my situation, came to offer
her cordial advice and service to me; and as I had always taken to her more than
to any of my female acquaintances, I listened the easier to her proposals. And,
as it happened, I could not have put myself into worse, or into better hands in
all London: into worse, because keeping a house of conveniency, there were no
lengths in lewdness she would not advise me to go, in compliance with her
customers; no schemes of pleasure, or even unbounded debauchery, she did not
take even a delight in promoting: into a better, because nobody having had more
experience of the wicked part of the town than she had, was fitter to advise and
guard one against the worst dangers of our profession; and what was rare to be
met with in those of her's, she contented herself with a moderate living profit
upon her industry and good offices, and had nothing of their greedy rapacious
turn. She was really too a gentlewoman born and bred, but through a train of
accidents reduce'd to this course, which she pursued, partly through necessity,
partly through choice, as never woman delighted more in encouraging a brisk
circulation of trade for the sake of the trade itself, or better understood all
the mysteries and refinements of it, than she did; so that she was consummately
at the top of her profession, and dealt only with customers of distinction: to
answer the demands of whom she kept a competent number of her daughters in
constant recruit (so she call'd those whom their youth and personal charms
recommended to her adoption and management: several of whom by her means, and
through her tuition and instructions, succeeded very well in the world).
    This useful gentlewoman upon whose protection I now threw myself, having her
reasons of state, respecting Mr. H..., for not appearing too much in the thing
herself, sent a friend of her's, on the day appointed for my removal, to conduct
me to my new lodgings at a brush-maker's in R*** street, Covent Garden, the very
next door to her own house, where she had no conveniences to lodge me herself:
lodgings that, by having been for several successions tenanted by ladies of
pleasure, the landlord of them was familiarized to their ways; and provided the
rent was duly paid, every thing else was as easy and commodious as one could
desire.
    The fifty guineas promise'd me by Mr. H..., at his parting with me, having
been duly paid me, all my clothes and moveables chested up, which were at least
of two hundred pounds' value, I had them convey'd into a coach, where I soon
followed them, after taking a civil leave of the landlord and his family, with
whom I had never liv'd in a degree of familiarity enough to regret the removal;
but still, the very circumstance of its being a removal drew tears from me. I
left, too, a letter of thanks for Mr. H..., from whom I concluded myself, as I
really was, irretrievably separated.
    My maid I had discharged the day before, not only because I had her of Mr.
H..., but that I suspected her of having some how or other been the occasion of
his discovering me, in revenge, perhaps, for my not having trusted her with him.
    We soon got to my lodgings, which, though not so handsomely furnish'd nor so
showy as those I left, were to the full as convenient, and at half price, though
on the first floor. My trunks were safely landed, and stow'd in my apartments,
where my neighbour, and now gouvernante, Mrs. Cole, was ready with my landlord
to receive me, to whom she took care to set me out in the most favourable light,
that of one from whom there was the clearest reason to expect the regular
payment of his rent: all the cardinal virtues attributed to me would not have
had half the weight of that recommendation alone.
    I was now settled in lodgings of my own, abandon'd to my own conduct, and
turned loose upon the town, to sink or swim, as I could manage with the current
of it; and what were the consequences, together with the number of adventures
which befell me in the exercise of my new profession, will compose the matter of
another letter: for surely it is high time to put a period to this.
I am,
Ma dam,
Yours, etc., etc., etc.
 
                          The End of the First Letter
 

                               Letter the Second

Madam,
    If I have delay'd the sequel of my history, it has been purely to allow
myself a little breathing time not without some hopes that, instead of pressing
me to a continuation, you would have acquitted me of the task of pursuing a
confession, in the course of which my selfesteem has so many wounds to sustain.
    I imagined, indeed, that you would have been cloy'd and tired with
uniformity of adventures and expressions, inseparable from a subject of this
sort, whose bottom, or groundwork being, in the nature of things, eternally one
and the same, whatever variety of forms and modes the situations are susceptible
of, there is no escaping a repetition of near the same images, the same figures,
the same expressions, with this further inconvenience added to the disgust it
creates, that the words JOYS, ARDOURS, TRANSPORTS, EXTASIES, and the rest of
those pathetic terms so congenial to, so received in the PRACTICE OF PLEASURE,
flatten and lose much of their due spirit and energy by the frequency they
indispensably recur with, in a narrative of which that PRACTICE professedly
composes the whole basis. I must therefore trust to the candour of your
judgment, for your allowing for the disadvantage I am necessarily under in that
respect, and to your imagination and sensibility, the pleasing task of repairing
it by their supplements, where my descriptions flag or fail: the one will
readily place the pictures I present before your eyes; the other give life to
the colours where they are dull, or worn with too frequent handling.
    What you say besides, by way of encouragement, concerning the extreme
difficulty of continuing so long in one strain, in a mean temper'd with taste,
between the revoltingness of gross, rank and vulgar expressions, and the
ridicule of mincing metaphors and affected circumlocutions, is so sensible, as
well as good-natur'd, that you greatly justify me to myself for my compliance
with a curiosity that is to be satisfied so extremely at my expense.
    Resuming now where I broke off in my last, I am in my way to remark to you
that it was late in the evening before I arrive'd at my new lodgings, and Mrs.
Cole, after helping me to range and secure my things, spent the whole evening
with me in my apartment, where we supped together, in giving me the best advice
and instruction with regard to this new stage of my profession I was now to
enter upon; and passing thus from a private devotee to pleasure into a public
one, to become a more general good, with all the advantages requisite to put my
person out to use, either for interest or pleasure, or both. But then, she
observe'd, as I was a kind of new face upon the town, that it was an established
rule, and part of trade, for me to pass for a maid, and dispose of myself as
such on the first good occasion, without prejudice, however, to such diversions
as I might have a mind to in the interim; for that nobody could be a greater
enemy than she was to the losing of time. That she would, in the mean time, do
her best to find out a proper person, and would undertake to manage this nice
point for me, if I would accept of her aid and advice to such good purpose that,
in the loss of a fictitious maidenhead, I should reap all the advantages of a
native one.
    Though such a delicacy of sentiments did not extremely belong to my
character at that time, I confess, against myself, that I perhaps too readily
closed with a proposal which my candour and ingenuity gave me some repugnance to:
but not enough to contradict the intention of one to whom I had now thoroughly
abandoned the direction of all my steps. For Mrs. Cole had, I do not know how
unless by one of those unaccountable invincible sympathies that, nevertheless,
form the strongest links, especially of female friendship, won and got entire
possession of me. On her side, she pretended that a strict resemblance she
fancied she saw in me to an only daughter whom she had lost at my age, was the
first motive of her taking to me so affectionately as she did. It might be so:
there exist as slender motives of attachment that, gathering force from habit
and liking, have proved often more solid and durable than those founded on much
stronger reasons; but this I know, that tho' I had no other acquaintance with
her than seeing her at my lodgings when I lived with Mr. H..., where she had
made errands to sell me some millinery ware, she had by degrees insinuated
herself so far into my confidence that I threw myself blindly into her hands,
and came, at length, to regard, love, and obey her implicitly; and, to do her
justice, I never experienc'd at her hands other than a sincerity of tenderness,
and care for my interest, hardly heard of in those of her profession. We parted
that night, after having settled a perfect unreserv'd agreement; and the next
morning Mrs. Cole came, and took me with her to her house for the first time.
    Here, at the first sight of things, I found everything breath'd an air of
decency, modesty and order.
    In the outer parlour, or rather shop, sat three young women, very demurely
employ'd on millinery work, which was the cover of a traffic in more precious
commodities; but three beautifuller creatures could hardly be seen. Two of them
were extremely fair, the eldest not above nineteen; and the third, much about
that age, was a piquant brunette, whose black sparkling eyes, and perfect
harmony of features and shape, left her nothing to envy in her fairer
companions. Their dress too had the more design in it, the less it appeared to
have, being in a taste of uniform correct neatness, and elegant simplicity.
These were the girls that composed the small domestick flock, which my governess
train'd up with surprising order and management, considering the giddy wildness
of young girls once got upon the loose. But then she never continued any in her
house, whom, after a due novitiate, she found untractable, or unwilling to
comply with the rules of it. Thus had she insensibly formed a little family of
love, in which the members found so sensibly their account, in a rare alliance
of pleasure with interest, and of a necessary outward decency with unbounded
secret liberty, that Mrs. Cole, who had pick'd them as much for their temper as
their beauty, govern'd them with ease to herself and them too.
    To these pupils then of hers, whom she had prepare'd, she presented me as a
new boarder, and one that was to be immediately admitted to all the intimacies
of the house; upon which these charming girls gave me all the marks of a welcome
reception, and indeed of being perfectly pleased with my figure, that I could
possibly expect from any of my own sex: but they had been effectually brought to
sacrifice all jealousy, or competition of charms, to a common interest, and
consider'd me a partner that was bringing no despicable stock of goods into the
trade of the house. They gathered round me, view'd me on all sides; and as my
admission into this joyous troop made a little holiday, the show of work was
laid aside; and Mrs. Cole giving me up, with special recommendation, to their
caresses and entertainment, went about her ordinary business of the house.
    The sameness of our sex, age, profession, and views soon created as
unreserv'd a freedom and intimacy as if we had been for years acquainted. They
took and show'd me the house, their respective apartments, which were furnished
with every article of conveniency and luxury; and above all, a spacious
drawing-room, where a select revelling band usually met, in general parties of
pleasure; the girls supping with their sparks, and acting their wanton pranks
with unbounded licentiousness; whilst a defiance of awe, modesty or jealousy
were their standing rules, by which, according to the principles of their
society, whatever pleasure was lost on the side of sentiment was abundantly made
up to the senses in the poignancy of variety, and the charms of ease and luxury.
The authors and supporters of this secret institution would, in the height of
their humours style themselves the restorers of the golden age and its
simplicity of pleasures, before their innocence became so injustly branded with
the names of guilt and shame.
    As soon then as the evening began, and the show of a shop was shut, the
academy open'd; the mask of mock-modesty was completely taken off, and all the
girls deliver'd over to their respective calls of pleasure or interest with
their men; and none of that sex was promiscuously admitted, but only such as
Mrs. Cole was previously satisfied with their character and discretion. In
short, this was the safest, politest, and, at the same time, the most thorough
house of accommodation in town: every thing being conducted so that decency made
no intrenchment upon the most libertine pleasures, in the practice of which too,
the choice familiars of the house had found the secret so rare and difficult, of
reconciling even all the refinements of taste and delicacy with the most gross
and determinate gratifications of sensuality.
    After having consum'd the morning in the endearments and instructions of my
new acquaintance, we went to dinner, when Mrs. Cole, presiding at the head of
her club, gave me the first idea of her management and address, in inspiring
these girls with so sensible a love and respect for her. There was no stiffness,
no reserve, no airs of pique, or little jealousies, but all was unaffectedly
gay, cheerful and easy.
    After dinner, Mrs. Cole, seconded by the young ladies, acquainted me that
there was a chapter to be held that night in form, for the ceremony of my
reception into the sisterhood; and in which, with all due reserve to my
maidenhead, that was to be occasionally cook'd up for the first proper chapman,
I was to undergo a ceremonial of initiation they were sure I should not be
displeased with.
    Embark'd as I was, and moreover captivated with the charms of my new
companions, I was too much prejudic'd in favour of any proposal they could make,
to much as hesitate an assent; which, therefore, readily giving in the style of
a carte blanche, I receive'd fresh kisses of compliment from them all, in
approval of my docility and good nature. Now I was a sweet girl ... I came into
things with a good grace ... I was not affectedly coy ... I should be the pride
of the house ... and the like.
    This point thus adjusted, the young women left Mrs. Cole to talk and concert
matters with me: she explained to me that I should be introduc'd, that very
evening, to four of her best friends, one of whom she had, according to the
custom of the house, favoured with the preference of engaging me in the first
party of pleasure; assuring me, at the same time, that they were all young
gentlemen agreeable in their persons, and unexceptionable in every respect; that
united, and holding together by the band of common pleasures, they composed the
chief support of her house, and made very liberal presents to the girls that
pleas'd and humour'd them, so that they were, properly speaking, the founders
and patrons of this little seraglio. Not but that she had, at proper seasons,
other customers to deal with, whom she stood less upon punctilio with than with
these; for instance, it was not on one of them she could attempt to pass me for
a maid; they were not only too knowing, too much town-bred to bite at such a
bait, but they were such generous benefactors to her that it would be
unpardonable to think of it.
    Amidst all the flutter and emotion which this promise of pleasure, for such
I conceiv'd it, stirr'd up in me, I preserved so much of the woman as to feign
just reluctance enough to make some merit of sacrificing it to the influence of
my patroness, whom I likewise, still in character, reminded of it perhaps being
right for me to go home and dress, in favour of my first impressions.
    But Mrs. Cole, in opposition to this, assured me that the gentlemen I should
be presented to were, by their rank and taste of things, infinitely superior to
the being touched with any glare of dress or ornaments, such as silly women
rather confound and overlay than set off their beauty with; that these veteran
voluptuaries knew better than not to hold them in the highest contempt: they
with whom the pure native charms alone could pass current, and who would at any
time leave a sallow, washy, painted duchess on her own hands, for a ruddy,
healthy, firm-flesh'd country maid; and as for my part, that nature had done
enough for me, to set me above owing the least favour to art; concluding withal,
that for the instant occasion, there was no dress like an undress.
    I thought my governess too good a judge of these matters not to be easily
over-ruled by her: after which she went on preaching very pathetically the
doctrine of passive obedience and non-resistance to all those arbitrary tastes
of pleasure, which are by some styl'd the refinements, and by others the
depravations of it; between whom it was not the business of a simple girl, who
was to profit by pleasing, to decide, but to conform to. Whilst I was edifying
by these wholesome lessons, tea was brought in, and the young ladies, returning,
joined company with us.
    After a great deal of mix'd chat, frolic and humour, one of them, observing
that there would be a good deal of time on hand before the assembly-hour,
proposed that each girl should entertain the company with that critical period
of her personal history in which she first exchanged the maiden state for
womanhood. The proposal was approv'd, with only one restriction of Mrs. Cole,
that she, on account of her age, and I, on account of my titular maidenhead,
should be excused, at least till I had undergone the forms of the house. This
obtain'd me a dispensation, and the promotress of this amusement was desired to
begin.
    Her name was Emily; a girl fair to excess, and whose limbs were, if
possible, too well made, since their plump fullness was rather to the prejudice
of that delicate slimness require'd by the nicer judges of beauty; her eyes were
blue, and streamed inexpressible sweetness, and nothing could be prettier than
her mouth and lips, which clos'd over a range of the evenest and whitest teeth.
Thus she began:
    »Neither my extraction, nor the most critical adventure of my life, is
sublime enough to impeach me of any vanity in the advancement of the proposal
you have approv'd of. My father and mother were, and for aught I know, are
still, farmers in the country, not above forty miles from town: their barbarity
to me, in favour of a son, on whom only they vouchsafed to bestow their
tenderness, had a thousand times determined me to fly their house, and throw
myself on the wide world; but, at length, an accident force'd me on this
desperate attempt at the age of fifteen. I had broken a china-bowl, the pride
and idol of both their hearts; and as an unmerciful beating was the least I had
to depend on at their hands, in the silliness of those tender years I left the
house, and, at all adventures, took the road to London. How my loss was resented
I do not know, for till this instant I have not heard a syllable about them. My
whole stock was two broad pieces of my godmother's, a few shillings, silver
shoe-buckles and a silver thimble. Thus equipp'd, with no more clothes than the
ordinary ones I had on my back, and frighten'd at every foot or noise I heard
behind me, I hurried on; and I dare swear, walked a dozen miles before I
stopped, though mere weariness and fatigue. At length I sat down on a stile,
wept bitterly, and yet was still rather under increased impressions of fear on
the account of my escape; which made me dread, worse than death, the going back
to face my unnatural parents. Refresh'd by this little repose, and relieved by
my tears, I was proceeding onward, when I was overtaken by a sturdy country lad
who was going to London to see what he could do for himself there, and, like me,
had given his friends the slip. He could not be above seventeen, was ruddy, well
featur'd enough, with uncomb'd flaxen hair, a little flapp'd hat, kersey frock,
yarn stockings, in short, a perfect plough-boy. I saw him come whistling behind
me, with a bundle tied to the end of a stick, his travelling equipage. We walk'd
by one another for some time without speaking; at length we join'd company, and
agreed to keep together till we got to our journey's end. What his designs or
ideas were, I know not: the innocence of mine I can solemnly protest.
    As night drew on, it became us to look out for some inn or shelter; to which
perplexity another was added, and that was, what we should say for ourselves, if
we were question'd. After some puzzle, the young fellow started a proposal,
which I thought the finest that could be; and what was that? why, that we should
pass for husband and wife: I never once dream'd of consequences. We came
presently, after having agreed on this notable expedient, to one of those
hedge-accommodations for foot passengers, at the door of which stood an old
crazy beldam, who seeing us trudge by, invited us to lodge there. Glad of any
cover, we went in, and my fellow traveller, taking all upon him, call'd for what
the house afforded, and we supped together as man and wife; which, considering
our figures and ages, could not have passed on any one but such as any thing
could pass on. But when bedtime came on, we had neither of us the courage to
contradict our first account of ourselves; and what was extremely pleasant, the
young lad seem'd as perplex'd as I was, how to evade lying together, which was
so natural for the state we had pretended to. Whilst we were in this quandary,
the landlady takes the candle and lights us to our apartment, through a long
yard, at the end of which it stood, separate from the body of the house. Thus we
suffer'd ourselves to be conducted, without saying a word in opposition to it;
and there, in a wretched room, with a bed answerable, we were left to pass the
night together, as a thing quite of course. For my part, I was so incredibly
innocent as not even then to think much more harm of going into bed with the
young man than with one of our dairy-wenches; nor had he, perhaps, any other
notions than those of innocence, till such a fair occasion put them into his
head.
    Before either of us undressed, however, he put out the candle; and the
bitterness of the weather made it a kind of necessity for me to go into bed:
slipping then my clothes off, I crept under the bed-clothes, where I found the
young stripling already nestled, and the touch of his warm flesh rather pleas'd
than alarm'd me. I was indeed too much disturbed with the novelty of my
condition to be able to sleep; but then I had not the least thought of harm.
But, oh! how powerful are the instincts of nature! how little is there wanting
to set them in action! The young man, sliding his arm under my body, drew me
gently towards him, as if to keep himself and me warmer; and the heat I felt
from joining our breasts, kindled another that I had hitherto never felt, and
was, even then, a stranger to the nature of. Emboldened, I suppose, by my
easiness, he venture'd to kiss me, and I insensibly returned it, without knowing
the consequence of returning it: for, on this encouragement, he slipped his hand
all down from my breast to that part of me where the sense of feeling is so
exquisitely critical, as I then experienc'd by its instant taking fire upon the
touch, and glowing with a strange tickling heat: there he pleas'd himself and
me, by feeling, till, growing a little too bold, he hurt me, and made me
complain. Then he took my hand, which he guided, not unwillingly on my side,
between the twist of his closed thighs, which were extremely warm; there he
lodged and pressed it, till raising it by degrees, he made me feel the proud
distinction of his sex from mine. I was frighten'd at the novelty, and drew back
my hand; yet, pressed and spurred on by sensations of a strange pleasure, I
could not help asking him what that was for? He told me he would show me if I
would let him; and, without waiting for my answer, which he prevented by
stopping my mouth with kisses I was far from disrelishing, he got upon me, and
inserting one of his thighs between mine, opened them so as to make way for
himself, and fixed me to his purpose; whilst I was so much out of my usual
sense, so subdu'd by the present power of a new one, that, between fear and
desire, I lay utterly passive, till the piercing pain rous'd and made me cry
out. But it was too late: he was too firm fix'd in the saddle for me to compass
flinging him, with all the struggles I could use, some of which only served to
further his point, and at length an irresistible thrust murdered at once my
maidenhead, and almost me. I now lay a bleeding witness of the necessity impos'd
on our sex, to gather the first honey off the thorns.
    But the pleasure rising as the pain subsided, I was soon reconciled to fresh
trials, and before morning, nothing on earth could be dearer to me than this
rifler of my virgin sweets: he was every thing to me now. How we agreed to join
fortunes; how we came up to town together, where we lived some time, till
necessity parted us, and drove me into this course of life, in which I had been
long ago battered and torn to pieces before I came to this age, as much through
my easiness, as through my inclination, had it not been for my finding refuge in
this house: these are all circumstances which pass the mark I proposed, so that
here my narrative ends.«
    In the order of our sitting, it was Harriet's turn to go on. Amongst all the
beauties of our sex that I had before or have since seen, few indeed were the
forms that could dispute excellence with her's; it was not delicate, but
delicacy itself incarnate, such was the symmetry of her small but exactly
fashion'd limbs. Her complexion, fair as it was, appeared yet more fair from the
effect of two black eyes, the brilliancy of which gave her face more vivacity
than belonged to the colour of it, which was only defended from paleness by a
sweetly pleasing blush in her cheeks, that grew fainter and fainter, till at
length it died away insensibly into the overbearing white. Then her miniature
features join'd to finish the extreme sweetness of it, which was not belied by
that of temper turned to indolence, languor, and the pleasures of love. Press'd
to subscribe her contingent, she smiled, blushed a little, and thus complied
with our desires:
    »My father was neither better nor worse than a miller near the city of York;
and both he and my mother dying whilst I was an infant, I fell under the care of
a widow and childless aunt, housekeeper to my lord N..., at his seat in the
county of ..., where she brought me up with all imaginable tenderness. I was not
seventeen, as I am not now eighteen, before I had, on account of my person
purely (for fortune I had notoriously none), several advantageous proposals; but
whether nature was slow in making me sensible in her favourite passion, or that
I had not seen any of the other sex who had stirr'd up the least emotion or
curiosity to be better acquainted with it, I had, till that age, preserve'd a
perfect innocence, even of thought: whilst my fears of I did not well know what,
made me no more desirous of marrying than of dying. My aunt, good woman,
favoured my timorousness, which she look'd on as childish affection, that her
own experience might probably assure her would wear off in time, and gave my
suitors proper answers for me.
    The family had not been down at that seat for years, so that it was
neglected, and committed entirely to my aunt, and two old domestics to take care
of it. Thus I had the full range of a spacious lonely house and gardens, situate
at about half a mile distance from any other habitation, except, perhaps, a
straggling cottage or so.
    Here, in tranquillity and innocence, I grew up without any memorable
accident, till one fatal day I had, as I had often done before, left my aunt
fast asleep, and secure for some hours, after dinner; and resorting to a kind of
ancient summer-house, at some distance from the house, I carried my work with
me, and sat over a rivulet, which its door and window fac'd upon. Here I fell
into a gentle breathing slumber, which stole upon my senses, as they fainted
under the excessive heat of the season at that hour; a cane couch, with my
work-basket for a pillow, were all the conveniences of my short repose; for I
was soon awake and alarmed by a flounce, and noise of splashing in the water. I
got up to see what was the matter; and what indeed should it be but the son of a
neighbouring gentleman, as I afterwards found (for I had never seen him before),
who had strayed that way with his gun, and heated by his sport, and the
sultriness of the day, had been tempted by the freshness of the clear stream; so
that presently stripping, he jump'd into it on the other side, which bordered on
a wood, some trees whereof, inclined down to the water, form'd a pleasing shady
recess, commodious to undress and leave his clothes under.
    My first emotions at the sight of this youth, naked in the water, were, with
all imaginable respect to truth, those of surprise and fear; and, in course, I
should immediately have run out, had not my modesty, fatally for itself,
interposed the objection of the door and window being so situated that it was
scarce possible to get out, and make my way along the bank to the house, without
his seeing me: which I could not bear the thought of, so much ashamed and
confounded was I at having seen him. Condemn'd then to stay till his departure
should release me, I was greatly embarrassed how to dispose of myself: I kept
some time betwixt terror and modesty, even from looking through the window,
which being an old-fashion'd casement, without any light behind me, could hardly
betray any one's being there to him from within; then the door was so secure,
that without violence, or my own consent, there was no opening it from without.
    But now, by my own experience, I found it too true that objects which
affright us, when we cannot get from them, draw our eyes as forcibly as those
that please us. I could not long withstand that nameless impulse, which, without
any desire of this novel sight, compelled me towards it; embolden'd too by my
certainty of being at once unseen and safe, I venture'd by degrees to cast my
eyes on an object so terrible and alarming to my virgin modesty as a naked man.
But as I snatched a look, the first gleam that struck me was in general the dewy
lustre of the whitest skin imaginable, which the sun playing upon made the
reflection of it perfectly beamy. His face, in the confusion I was in, I could
not well distinguish the lineaments of, any farther than that there was a great
deal of youth and freshness in it. The frolic and various play of all his
polish'd limbs, as they appeared above the surface, in the course of his
swimming or wantoning with the water, amus'd and insensibly delighted me:
sometimes he lay motionless, on his back, waterborne, and dragging after him a
fine head of hair, that, floating, swept the stream in a bush of black curls.
Then the over-flowing water would make a separation between his breast and
glossy white belly; at the bottom of which I could not escape observing so
remarkable a distinction as a black mossy tuft, out of which appeared to emerge
a round, softish, limber, white something, that played every way, with ever the
least motion or whirling eddy. I cannot say but that part chiefly, by a kind of
natural instinct, attracted, detain'd, captivated my attention: it was out of
the power of all my modesty to command my eye away from it; and seeing nothing
so very dreadful in its appearance, I insensibly lock'd away all my fears: but
as fast as they gave way, new desires and strange wishes took place, and I
melted as I gazed. The fire of nature, that had so long lain dormant or
conceal'd, began to break out, and made me feel my sex the first time. He had
now changed his posture, and swam prone on his belly, striking out with his legs
and arms, finer modell'd than which could not have been cast, whilst his
floating locks played over a neck and shoulders whose whiteness they
delightfully set off. Then the luxuriant swell of flesh that rose from the small
of his back, and terminated its double cope at where the thighs are sent off,
perfectly dazzled one with its watery glistening gloss.
    By this time I was so affected by this inward involution of sentiments, so
soften'd by this sight, that now, betrayed into a sudden transition from extreme
fears to extreme desires, I found these last so strong upon me, the heat of the
weather too perhaps conspiring to exalt their rage, that nature almost fainted
under them. Not that I so much as knew precisely what was wanting to me: my only
thought was that so sweet a creature as this youth seemed to me could only make
me happy; but then, the little likelihood there was of compassing an
acquaintance with him, or perhaps of ever seeing him again, dash'd my desires,
and turn'd them into torments. I was still gazing, with all the powers of my
sight, on this bewitching object, when, in an instant, down he went. I had heard
of such things as a cramp seizing on even the best swimmers, and occasioning
their being drowned; and imagining this so sudden eclipse to be owing to it, the
inconceivable fondness this unknown lad had given birth to distracted me with
the most killing terrors; insomuch, that my concern giving the wings, I flew to
the door, open'd it, ran down to the canal, guided thither by the madness of my
fears for him, and the intense desire of being an instrument to save him, though
I was ignorant how, or by what means to effect it: but was it for fears, and a
passion so sudden as mine, to reason? All this took up scarce the space of a few
moments. I had then just life enough to reach the green borders of the
waterpiece, where wildly looking round for the young man, and missing him still,
my fright and concern sunk me down in a deep swoon, which must have lasted me
some time; for I did not come to myself till I was rous'd out of it by a sense
of pain that pierced me to the vitals, and awake me to the most surprising
circumstance of finding myself not only in the arms of this very same young
gentleman I had been so solicitous to save, but taken at such an advantage in my
unresisting condition that he had actually completed his entrance into me so
far, that weakened as I was by all the preceding conflicts of mind I had
suffer'd, and struck dumb by the violence of my surprise, I had neither the
power to cry out, nor the strength to disengage myself from his strenuous
embraces, before, urging his point, he had forced his way and completely
triumphed over my virginity, as he might now as well see by the streams of blood
that follow'd his drawing out, as he had felt by the difficulties he had met
with consummating his penetration. But the sight of the blood, and the sense of
my condition, had (as he told me afterwards), since the ungovernable rage of his
passion was somewhat appeas'd, now wrought so far on him that at all risks, even
of the worst consequences, he could not find in his heart to leave me, and make
off, which he might easily have done. I still lay all discompos'd in bleeding
ruin, palpitating, speechless, unable to get off, and frightened, and fluttering
like a poor wounded partridge, and ready to faint away again at the sense of
what had befallen me. The young gentleman was by me, kneeling, kissing my hand,
and with tears in his eyes beseeching me to forgive him, and offering all the
reparation in his power. It is certain that could I, at the instant of regaining
my senses, have called out, or taken the bloodiest revenge, I would not have
stuck at it: the violation was attended too with such aggravating circumstances,
though he was ignorant of them, since it was to my concern for the preservation
of his life that I owed my ruin.
    But how quick is the shift of passions from one extreme to another! and how
little are they acquainted with the human heart who dispute it! I could not see
this amiable criminal, so suddenly the first object of my love, and as suddenly
of my just hate, on his knees, bedewing my hand with his tears, without
relenting. He was still stark-naked, but my modesty had been already too much
wounded, in essentials, to be so much shocked as I should have otherwise been
with appearances only; in short, my anger ebbed so fast, and the tide of love
return'd so strong upon me, that I felt it a point of my own happiness to
forgive him. The reproaches I made him were murmur'd in so soft a tone, my eyes
met his with such glances, expressing more languor than resentment, that he
could not but presume his forgiveness was at no desperate distance; but still he
would not quit his posture of submission, till I had pronounced his pardon in
form; which after the most fervent entreaties, protestations, and promises, I
had not the power to withhold. On which, with the utmost marks of a fear of
again offending, he ventured to kiss my lips, which I neither declined nor
resented: but on my mild expostulations with him upon the barbarity of his
treatment, he explain'd the mystery of my ruin, if not entirely to the
clearance, at least much to the alleviation of his guilt, in the eyes of a judge
so partial in his favour as I was grown.
    It seems that the circumstance of his going down, or sinking, which in my
extreme ignorance I had mistaken for something very fatal, was no other than a
trick of diving which I had not ever heard, or at least attended to, the mention
of: and he was so long-breath'd at it, that in the few moments in which I ran
out to save him, he had not yet emerged, before I fell into the swoon, in which,
as he rose, seeing me extended on the bank, his first idea was that some young
woman was upon some design of frolic or diversion with him, for he knew I could
not have fallen a-sleep there without his having seen me before: agreeably to
which notion he had ventured to approach, and finding me without sign of life,
and still perplex'd as he was what to think of the adventure, he took me in his
arms at all hazards, and carried me into the summerhouse, of which he observed
the door open: there he laid me down on the couch, and tried, as he protested in
good faith, by several means to bring me to myself again, till fired, as he
said, beyond all bearing by the sight and touch of several parts of me which
were unguardedly exposed to him, he could no longer govern his passion; and the
less, as he was not quite sure that his first idea of this swoon being a feint
was not the very truth of the case: seduced then by this flattering notion, and
overcome by the present, as he styled them, superhuman temptations, combined
with the solitude and seeming security of the attempt, he was not enough his own
master not to make it. Leaving me then just only whilst he fastened the door, he
returned with redoubled eagerness to his prey: when, finding me still entranced,
he ventured to place me as he pleased, whilst I felt, no more than the dead,
what he was about, till the pain he put me to roused me just in time enough to
be witness of a triumph I was not able to defeat, and now scarce regretted: for
as he talked, the tone of his voice sounded, methought, so sweetly in my ears,
the sensible nearness of so new and interesting an object to me wrought so
powerfully upon me, that, in the rising perception of things in a new and
pleasing light, I lost all sense of the past injury. The young gentleman soon
discern'd the symptoms of a reconciliation in my softened looks, and hastening
to receive the seal of it from my lips, press'd them tenderly to pass his pardon
in the return of a kiss so melting fiery, that the impression of it being
carried to my heart, and thence to my new-discover'd sphere of Venus, I was
melted into a softness that could refuse him nothing. When now he managed his
caresses and endearments so artfully as to insinuate the most soothing
consolations for the past pain and the most pleasing expectations of future
pleasure, but whilst mere modesty kept my eyes from seeing his and rather
declined them, I had a glimpse of that instrument of the mischief which was now,
obviously even to me, who had scarce had snatches of a comparative observation
of it, resuming its capacity to renew it, and grew greatly alarming with its
increase of size, as he bore it no doubt designedly, hard and stiff against one
of my hands carelessly dropped; but then he employ'd such tender prefacing, such
winning progressions, that my returning passion of desire being now so strongly
prompted by the engaging circumstances of the sight and incendiary touch of his
naked glowing beauties, I yielded at length at the force of the present
impressions, and he obtained of my tacit blushing consent all the gratifications
of pleasure left in the power of my poor person to bestow, after he had cropt
its richest flower, during my suspension of life and abilities to guard it.
    Here, according to the rule laid down, I should stop; but I am so much in
motion, that I could not if I would. I shall only add, however, that I got home
without the least discovery, or suspicion of what had happened. I met my young
ravisher several times after, whom I now passionately love'd and who, tho' not of
age to claim a small but independent fortune, would have married me; but as the
accidents that prevented it, and their consequences which threw me on the
public, contain matters too moving and serious to introduce at present, I cut
short here.«
    Louisa, the brunette whom I mentioned at first, now took her turn to treat
the company with her history. I have already hinted to you the graces of her
person, than which nothing could be more exquisitely touching; I repeat
touching, as a just distinction from striking, which is ever a less lasting
effect, and more generally belongs to the fair complexions: but leaving that
decision to every one's taste, I proceed to give you Louisa's narrative as
follows:
    »According to practical maxims of life, I ought to boast of my birth, since
I owe it to pure love, without marriage; but this I know, it was scarce possible
to inherit a stronger propensity to that cause of my being than I did. I was the
rare production of the first essay of a journeyman cabinetmaker on his master's
maid: the consequence of which was a big belly, and the loss of a place. He was
not in circumstances to do much for her; and yet, after all this blemish, she
found means, after she had dropped her burden and disposed of me to a poor
relation's in the country, to repair it by marrying a pastry-cook here in
London, in thriving business; on whom she soon, under favour of the complete
ascendant he had given her over him, passed me for a child she had by her first
husband. I had, on that footing, been taken home, and was not six years old when
this step-father died and left my mother in tolerable circumstances, and without
any children by him. As to my natural father, he had betaken himself to the sea;
where, when the truth of things came out, I was told that he died, not immensely
rich you may think, since he was no more than a common sailor. As I grew up,
under the eyes of my mother, who kept on the business, I could not but see, in
her severe watchfulness, the marks of a slip which she did not care should be
hereditary, but we no more choose our passions than our features or complexion,
and the bent of mine was so strong to the forbidden pleasure, that it got the
better, at length, of all her care and precaution. I was scarce twelve years old
before that part which she wanted so much to keep out of harm's way made me feel
its impatience to be taken notice of, and come into play: already had it put
forth the signs of forwardness in the sprout of a soft down over it, which had
often flatter'd, and I might also say, grown under my constant touch and
visitation, so pleas'd was I with what I took to be a kind of title to
womanhood, that state I pin'd to be entr'd of, for the pleasures I conceiv'd
were annexed to it; and now the growing importance of that part to me, and the
new sensations in it, demolish'd at once all my girlish playthings and
amusements. Nature now pointed me strongly to more solid diversions, while all
the stings of desire settled so fiercely in that little centre of them, that I
could not mistake the spot I wanted a playfellow in.
    I now shunn'd all company in which there was no hopes of coming at the
object of my longings, and used to shut myself up, to indulge in solitude some
tender meditation on the pleasures I strongly perceive'd the overture of, in
feeling and examining what nature assure'd me must be the chosen avenue, the
gates for unknown bliss to enter at, that I panted after.
    But these meditations only increas'd my disorder, and blew the fire that
consumed me. I was yet worse when, yielding at length to the insupportable
irritations of the little fairy charm that tormented me, I seize'd it with my
fingers, teasing it to no end. Sometimes, in the furious excitations of desire,
I threw myself on the bed, spread my thighs abroad, and lay as it were expecting
the longed-for relief, till finding my illusion, I shut and squeez'd them
together again, burning and fretting. In short, this dev'lish thing, with its
impetuous girds and itching fires, led me such a life that I could neither night
nor day be at peace with it or myself. In time, however, I thought I had gained
a prodigious prize, when figuring to myself that my fingers were some thing of
the shape of what I pined for, I worked my way in for one of them with great
agitation and delight; yet not without pain too did I deflower myself as far as
it could reach; proceeding with such a fury of passion, in this solitary and
last shift of pleasure, as extended me at length breathless on the bed in an
amorous melting trance.
    But frequency of use dulling the sensation, I soon began to perceive that
this work was but a paltry shallow expedient that went but a little way to
relieve me, and rather raise'd more flame than its dry and insignificant
titillation could rightly appease.
    Man alone, I almost instinctively knew, as well as by what I had
industriously picked up at weddings and christenings, was possess'd of the only
remedy that could reduce this rebellious disorder; but watch'd and overlook'd as
I was, how to come at it was the point, and that, to all appearance, an
invincible one; not that I did not rack my brains and invention how at once to
elude my mother's vigilance, and procure myself the satisfaction of my impetuous
curiosity and longings for this mighty and untasted pleasure. At length,
however, a singular chance did at once the work of a long course of alertness.
One day that we had dined at an acquaintance's over the way, together with a
gentlewoman-lodger that occupied the first floor of our house, there started an
indispensable necessity for my mother's going down to Greenwich to accompany
her: the party was settled, when I do not know what genius whispered me to plead
a headache, which I certainly had not, against my being included in a jaunt that
I had not the least relish for. The pretext however passed, and my mother, with
much reluctance, prevailed with herself to go without me; but took particular
care to see me safe home, where she consign'd me into the hands of an old trusty
maid-servant, who served in the shop, for we had not a male creature in the
house.
    As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up and lie down on our
lodger's bed, mine not being made, with a charge to her at the same time not to
disturb me, as it was only rest I wanted. This injunction probably prov'd of
eminent service to me. As soon as I was got into the bed-chamber, I unlaced my
stays, and threw myself on the outside of the bed-clothes, in all the loosest
undress. Here I gave myself up to the old insipid privy shifts of my
self-viewing, self-touching, self-enjoying, in fine, to all the means of
self-knowledge I could devise, in search of the pleasure that fled before me,
and tantalized with that unknown something that was out of my reach; thus all
only serve'd to enflame myself, and to provoke violently my desires, whilst the
one thing needful to their satisfaction was not at hand, and I could have bit my
fingers, for representing it so ill. After then wearying and fatiguing myself
with grasping shadows, whilst that most sensible part of me disdain'd to content
itself with less than realities, the strong yearnings, the urgent struggles of
nature towards the melting relief, and the extreme self-agitations I had used to
come at it, had wearied and thrown me into a kind of unquiet sleep: for, if I
tossed and threw about my limbs in proportion to the distraction of my dreams,
as I had reason to believe I did, a bystander could not have help'd seeing all
for love. And one there was it seems; for waking out of my very short slumber, I
found my hand lock'd in that of a young man, who was kneeling at my bed-side,
and begging my pardon for his boldness: but that being a son to the lady to whom
this bed-chamber, he knew, belonged, he had slipp'd by the servant of the shop,
as he supposed, unperceiv'd, when finding me asleep, his first ideas were to
withdraw; but that he had been fix'd and detain'd there by a power he could
better account for than resist.
    What shall I say? my emotions of fear and surprise were instantly subdued by
those of the pleasure I bespoke in great presence of mind form the turn this
adventure might take. He seem'd to me no other than a pitying angel, dropped out
of the clouds: for he was young and perfectly handsome, which was more than even
I had asked for; man, in general, being all that my utmost desires had pointed
at. I thought then I could not put too much encouragement into my eyes and
voice; I regretted no leading advances; no matter for his after-opinion of my
forwardness, so it might bring him to the point of answering my pressing demands
of present case; it was not now with his thoughts, but his actions, that my
business immediately lay. I raise'd then my head, and told him, in a soft tone
that tended to prescribe the same key to him, that his mamma was gone out and
would not return till late at night: which I thought no bad hint; but as it
prov'd, I had nothing of a novice to deal with. The impressions I had made on
him from the discoveries I had betrayed of my person in the disordered motions
of it, during his view of me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me, so fix'd and
charmingly prepare'd him, that, had I known his dispositions, I had more to hope
from his violence than to fear from his respect; and even less than the extreme
tenderness which I threw into my voice and eyes, would have served to encourage
him to make the most of the opportunity. Finding then that his kisses, imprinted
on my hand, were taken as tamely as he could wish, he rose to my lips; and
glewing his to them, made me so faint with over-coming joy and pleasure that I
fell back, and he with me, in course, on the bed, upon which I had, by
insensibly shifting from the side to near the middle, invitingly made room for
him. He is now lain down by me, and the minutes being too precious to consume in
untimely ceremony, or dalliance, my youth proceeds immediately to those
extremities, which all my looks, flushing and palpitations had assured him he
might attempt without the fear of repulse: those rogues, the men, read us
admirably on these occasions. I lay then at length panting for the imminent
attack, with wishes far beyond my fears, and for which it was scarce possible
for a girl, barely thirteen, but all and well grown, to have better
dispositions. He threw up my petticoat and shift, whilst my thighs were, by an
instinct of nature, unfolded to their best; and my desires had so thoroughly
destroy'd all modesty in me, that even their being now naked and all laid open
to him, was part of the prelude that pleasure deepen'd my blushes at, more than
shame. But when his hand, and touches, naturally attracted to their centre, made
me feel all their wantonness and warmth in, and round it, oh! how immensely
different a sense of things did I perceive there, than when under my own insipid
handling! And now his waistcoat was unbuttoned, and the confinement of the
breeches burst through, when out started to view the amazing, pleasing object of
all my wishes, all my dreams, all my love, the king member indeed! I gaz'd at, I
devoured it, at length and breadth, with my eyes intently directed to it, till
his getting upon me, and placing it between my thighs, took from me the
enjoyment of its sight, to give me a far more grateful one in its touch, in that
part where its touch is so exquisitely affecting. Applying it then to the minute
opening, for such at that age it certainly was, I met with too much good will, I
felt with too great a rapture of pleasure the first insertion of it, to heed
much the pain that followed: I thought nothing too dear to pay for this the
richest treat of the senses; so that, split up, torn, bleeding, mangled, I was
still superiorly pleas'd, and hugg'd the author of all this delicious ruin. But
when, soon after, he made his second attack, sore as every thing was, the smart
was soon put away by the sovereign cordial; all my soft complainings were
silenc'd, and the pain melting fast away into pleasure. I abandon'd myself over
to all its transports, and gave it the full possession of my whole body and
soul; for now all thought was at an end with me; I lived but in what I felt
only. And who could describe those feelings, those agitations, yet exalted by
the charm of their novelty and surprise? when that part of me which had so long
hunger'd for the dear morsel that now so delightfully crammed it, force'd all my
vital sensations to fix their home there, during the stay of my beloved guest;
who too soon paid me for his hearty welcome in a dissolvent, richer far than
that I have heard of some queen treating her paramour with, in liquify'd pearl,
and ravishingly pour'd into me, where, now myself too much melted to give it a
dry reception, I hail'd it with the warmest confluence on my side, amidst all
those extatic raptures, not unfamiliar I presume to this good company! Thus,
however, I arrived at the very top of all my wishes, by an accident unexpected
indeed, but not so wonderful; for this young gentleman was just arrive'd in town
from college, and came familiarly to his mother at her apartment, where he had
once before been, though by mere chance. I had not seen him: so that we knew one
another by hear-say only; and finding me stretched on his mother's bed, he
readily concluded, from her description who it was. The rest you know.
    This affair had however no ruinous consequences, the young gentleman
escaping then, and many more times undiscover'd. But the warmth of my
constitution, that made the pleasures of love a kind of necessary of life to me,
having betray'd me into indiscretions fatal to my private fortune, I fell at
length to the public; from which, it is probable, I might have met with the
worst of ruin if my better fate had not thrown me into this safe and agreeable
refuge.«
    Here Louisa ended; and these little histories having brought the time for
the girls to retire, and to prepare for the revels of the evening, I staid with
Mrs. Cole till Emily came and told us the company was met, and waited for us.
    Mrs. Cole on this, taking me by the hand, with a smile of encouragement, led
me up-stairs, preceded by Louisa, who was come to hasten us, and lighted us with
two candles, one in each hand.
    On the landing-place of the first pair of stairs, we were met by a young
gentleman, extremely well dress'd, and a very pretty figure, to whom I was to be
indebted for the first essay of the pleasures of the house. He saluted me with
great gallantry, and handed me into the drawing room, the floor of which was
overspread with a Turkey carpet, and all its furniture voluptuously adapted to
every demand of the most study'd luxury; now too it was, by means of a profuse
illumination, enliven'd by a light scarce inferior, and perhaps more favourable
to joy, more tenderly pleasing, than that of broad sun-shine.
    On my entrance into the room, I had the satisfaction to hear a buzz of
approbation run through the whole company which now consisted of four gentlemen,
including my particular (this was the cant-term of the house for one's gallant
for the time), the three young women, in a neat flowing dishabille, the mistress
of the academy, and myself. I was welcomed and saluted by a kiss all round, in
which, however, it was easy to discover, in the superior warmth of that of the
men, the distinction of the sexes.
    Aw'd and confounded as I was at seeing myself surrounded, caress'd, and made
court to by so many strangers, I could not immediately familiarize myself to all
that air of gaiety and joy which dictated their compliments, and animated their
caresses.
    They assure'd me that I was so perfectly to their taste as to have but one
fault against me, which I might easily be cur'd of, and that was my modesty:
this, they observe'd, might pass for a beauty the more with those who wanted it
for a heightener; but their maxim was, that it was an impertinent mixture, and
dash'd the cup so as to spoil the sincere draught of pleasure; they consider'd
it accordingly as their mortal enemy, and gave it no quarter wherever they met
with it. This was a prologue not unworthy of the revels that ensu'd.
    In the midst of all the frolic and wantonnesses, which this joyous band had
presently, and all naturally, run into, an elegant supper was serve'd in, and we
sat down to it, my spark-elect placing himself next to me, and the other couples
without order or ceremony. The delicate cheer and good wine soon banish'd all
reserve; the conversation grew as lively as could be wished, without taking too
loose a turn: these professors of pleasure knew too well, to stale impressions
of it, or evaporate the imagination in words, before the time of action. Kisses
however were snatch'd at times, or where a handkerchief round the neck
interpos'd its feeble barrier, it was not extremely respected: the hands of the
men went to work with their usual petulance, till the provocations on both sides
rose to such a pitch that my particular's proposal for beginning the
country-dances was received with instant assent: for, as he laughingly added, he
fancied the instruments were in tune. This was a signal for preparation, that
the complaisant Mrs. Cole, who understood life, took for her cue of
disappearing; no longer so fit for personal service herself, and content with
having settled the order of battle, she left us the field, to fight it out at
discretion.
    As soon as she was gone, the table was remove'd from the middle, and became a
side-board; a couch was brought into its place, of which when I whisperingly
inquired the reason, of my particular, he told me that as it was chiefly on my
account that this convention was met, the parties intended at once to humour
their taste of variety in pleasures, and by an open public enjoyment, to see me
broke of any taint of reserve or modesty, which they look'd on as the poison of
joy; that though they occasionally preached pleasure, and lived up to the text,
they did not enthusiastically set up for missionaries, and only indulg'd
themselves in the delights of a practical instruction of all the pretty women
they lik'd well enough to bestow it upon, and who fell properly in the way of
it; but that as such a proposal might be too violent, too shocking for a young
beginner, the old standers were to set an example, which he hoped I would not be
averse to follow, since it was to him I was devolv'd in favour of the first
experiment; but that still I was perfectly at my liberty to refuse the party,
which being in its nature one of pleasure, suppose'd an exclusion of all force or
constraint.
    My countenance expressed, no doubt, my surprise as my silence did my
acquiescence. I was now embarked, and thoroughly determined on any voyage the
company would take me on.
    The first that stood up, to open the ball, were a cornet of horse, and that
sweetest of olive-beauties, the soft and amorous Louisa. He led her to the couch
nothing loth, on which he gave her the fall, and extended her at her length with
an air of roughness and vigour, relishing high of amorous eagerness and
impatience. The girl, spreading herself to the best advantage, with her head
upon the pillow, was so concentred in what she was about, that our presence
seemed the least of her care and concern. Her petticoats, thrown up with her
shift, discovered to the company the finest turn'd legs and thighs that could be
imagined, and in broad display, that gave us a full view of that delicious cleft
of flesh into which the pleasing hair-grown mount over it, parted and presented
a most inviting entrance between two close-hedges, delicately soft and pouting.
Her gallant was now ready, having disencumber'd himself from his clothes,
overloaded with lace, and presently, his shirt removed, show'd us his forces in
high plight, bandied and ready for action. But giving us no time to consider the
dimensions, he threw himself instantly over his charming antagonist, who
receive'd him as he pushed at once dead at mark like a heroine, without
flinching; for surely never was girl constitutionally truer to the taste of joy,
or sincerer in the expressions of its sensations, than she was: we could observe
pleasure lighten in her eyes, as he introduc'd his plenipotentiary instrument
into her; till, at length, having indulg'd her to its utmost reach, its
irritations grew so violent, and gave her the spurs so furiously, that collected
within herself, and lost to everything but the enjoyment of her favourite
feelings, she retorted his thrusts with a just concert of springy heaves,
keeping time so exactly with the most pathetic sighs, that one might have
number'd the strokes in agitation by their distinct murmurs, whilst her active
limbs kept wreathing and intertwisting with his, in convulsive folds: then the
turtle-billing kisses, and the poignant painless love-bites, which they both
exchang'd in a rage of delight, all conspiring towards the melting period. It
soon came on when Louisa, in the ravings of her pleasure-frenzy, impotent of all
restraint, cried out: »Oh Sir! ... Good Sir! ... pray do not spare me! ah! ah!
...« All her accents now faltering into heart-fetched sighs, she clos'd her eyes
in the sweet death, in the instant of which she was embalm'd by an injection, of
which we could easily see the signs in the quiet, dying, languid posture of her
late so furious driver, who was stopp'd of a sudden, breathing short, panting,
and, for that time, giving up the spirit of pleasure. As soon as he was
dismounted, Louisa sprung up, shook her petticoats, and running up to me, gave
me a kiss and drew me to the side-board, to which she was herself handed by her
gallant, where they made me pledge them in a glass of wine, and toast a droll
health of Louisa's proposal in high frolic.
    By this time the second couple was ready to enter the lists: which were a
young baronet, and that delicatest of charmers, the winning, tender Harriet. My
gentle esquire came to acquaint me with it, and brought me back to the scene of
action.
    And, surely, never did one of her profession accompany her dispositions for
the bare-faced part she was engaged to play with such a peculiar grace of
sweetness, modesty and yielding coyness, as she did. All her air and motions
breath'd only unreserv'd, unlimited complaisance without the least mixture of
impudence, or prostitution. But what was yet more surprising, her spark-elect,
in the midst of the dissolution of a public open enjoyment, doted on her to
distraction, and had, by dint of love and sentiments, touched her heart, tho'
for a while the restraint of their engagement to the house laid him under a kind
of necessity of complying with an institution which himself had had the greatest
share in establishing.
    Harriet was then led to the vacant couch by her gallant, blushing as she
look'd at me, and with eyes made to justify any thing, tenderly bespeaking of me
the most favourable construction of the step she was thus irresistibly drawn
into.
    Her lover, for such he was, sat her down at the foot of the couch, and
passing his arm round her neck, preluded with a kiss fervently applied to her
lips, that visibly gave her life and spirit to go thro' with the scene; and as
he kiss'd, he gently inclined her head, till it fell back on a pillow disposed
to receive it, and leaning himself down all the way with her, at once
countenanc'd and endear'd her fall to her. There, as if he had guess'd our
wishes, or meant to gratify at once his pleasure and his pride, in being the
master, by the title of present possession, of beauties delicate beyond
imagination, he discovered her breasts to his own touch, and our common view;
but oh! what delicious manuals of love devotion! how inimitable fine moulded!
small, round, firm, and excellently white: the grain of their skin, so soothing,
so flattering to the touch! and their nipples, that crown'd them, the sweetest
buds of beauty. When he had feasted his eyes with the touch and perusal, feasted
his lips with kisses of the highest relish, imprinted on those all-delicious
twin orbs, he proceeded downwards.
    Her legs still kept the ground; and now, with the tenderest attention not to
shock or alarm her too suddenly, he, by degrees, rather stole than rolled up her
petticoats; at which, as if a signal had been given, Louisa and Emily took hold
of her legs, in pure wantonness, and, in ease to her, kept them stretched wide
abroad. Then lay exposed, or, to speak more properly, display'd the greatest
parade in nature of female charms. The whole company, who, except myself, had
often seen them, seemed as much dazzled, Surprise'd and delighted, as any one
could be who had now beheld them for the first time. Beauties so excessive could
not but enjoy the privileges of eternal novelty. Her thighs were so exquisitely
fashioned, that either more in, or more out of flesh than they were, they would
have declined from that point of perfection they presented. But what infinitely
enrich'd and adorn'd them, was the sweet intersection formed, where they met, at
the bottom of the smoothest, roundest, whitest belly, by that central furrow
which nature had sunk there, between, the soft relieve of two pouting ridges,
and which in this was in perfect symmetry of delicacy and miniature with the
rest of her frame. No! nothing in nature could be of a beautifuller cut; then,
the dark umbrage of the downy spring-moss that over-arched it bestowed, on the
luxury of the landscape, a touching warmth, a tender finishing, beyond the
expression of words, or even the paint of thought.
    Her truly enamour'd gallant, who had stood absorbed and engrossed by the
pleasure of the sight long enough to afford us time to feast ours (no fear of
glutting!) addressed himself at length to the materials of enjoyment, and
lifting the linen veil that hung between us and his master member of the revels,
exhibited one whose eminent size proclaimed the owner a true woman's hero. He
was, besides, in every other respect an accomplish'd gentleman, and in the bloom
and vigour of youth. Standing then between Harriet's legs, which were supported
by her two companions at their widest extension, with one hand he gently
disclosed the lips of that luscious mouth of nature, whilst with the other, he
stooped his mighty machine to its lure, from the height of his stiff stand-up
towards his belly; the lips, kept open by his fingers, received its broad
shelving head of coral hue: and when he had nestled it in, he hovered there a
little, and the girls then deliver'd over to his hips the agreeable office of
supporting her thighs; and now, as if meant to spin out his pleasure, and give
it the more play for its life, he passed up his instrument so slow that we lost
sight of it inch by inch, till at length it was wholly taken into the soft
laboratory of love, and the mossy mounts of each fairly met together. In the
mean time, we could plainly mark the prodigious effect the progressions of this
delightful energy wrought in this delicious girl, gradually heightening her
beauty as they heightened her pleasure. Her countenance and whole frame grew
more animated; the faint blush of her cheeks, gaining ground on the white,
deepened into a florid vivid vermilion glow, her naturally brilliant eyes now
sparkled with ten-fold lustre; her languor was vanish'd, and she appeared, quick
spirited, and alive all over. He had now fixed, nailed, this tender creature
with his home-driven wedge, so that she lay passive by force, and unable to
stir, till beginning to play a strain of arms against this vein of delicacy, as
he urged the to-and-fro confriction, he awaken'd, rous'd, and touch'd her so to
the heart, that unable to contain herself, she could not but reply to his
motions as briskly as her nicety of frame would admit of, till the raging stings
of the pleasure rising towards the point, made her wild with the intolerable
sensations of it, and she now threw her legs and arms about at random, as she
lay lost in the sweet transport; which on his side declared itself by quicker,
eager thrusts, convulsive gasps, burning sighs, swift laborious breathings, eyes
darting humid fires: all faithful tokens of the imminent approaches of the last
gasp of joy. It came on at length: the baronet led the ecstasy, which she
critically joined in, as she felt the melting symptoms from him, in the nick of
which glewing more ardently than ever his lips to hers, he showed all the signs
of that agony of bliss being strong upon him, in which he gave her the finishing
titillation; inly thrill'd with which, we saw plainly that she answered it down
with all effusion of spirit and matter she was mistress of, whilst a general
soft shudder ran through all her limbs, which she gave a stretch-out of, and lay
motionless, breathless, dying with dear delight; and in the height of its
expression, showing, through the nearly closed lids of her eyes, just the edges
of their black, the rest being rolled strongly upwards in their ecstasy; then her
sweet mouth appear'd languishingly open, with the tip of her tongue leaning
negligently towards the lower range of her white teeth, whilst the natural ruby
colour of her lips glowed with heightened life. Was not this a subject to dwell
upon? And accordingly her lover still kept on her, with an abiding delectation,
till compressed, squeezed and distilled to the last drop, he took leave with one
fervent kiss, expressing satisfy'd desires, but unextinguish'd love.
    As soon as he was off, I ran to her, and sitting down on the couch by her,
raise'd her head, which she decline'd gently, and hung on my bosom, to hide her
blushes and confusion at what had pass'd, till by degrees she recomposed herself
and accepted of a restorative glass of wine from my spark, who had left me to
fetch it her, whilst her own was re-adjusting his affairs and buttoning up;
after which he led her, leaning languishingly upon him, to our stand of view
round the couch.
    And now Emily's partner had taken her out for her share in the dance, when
this transcendently fair and sweet tempered creature readily stood up; and if a
complexion to put the rose and lily out of countenance, extreme pretty features,
and that florid health and bloom for which the country-girls are so lovely,
might pass her for a beauty, this she certainly was, and one of the most
striking of the fair ones.
    Her gallant began first, as she stood, to disengage her breasts, and restore
them to the liberty of nature, from the easy confinement of no more than a pair
of jumps; but on their coming out to view, we thought a new light was added to
the room, so superiourly shining was their whiteness; then they rose in so happy
a swell as to compose her a well-formed fullness of bosom, that had such an
effect on the eye as to seem flesh hardening into marble, of which it emulated
the polished gloss, and far surpassed even the whitest, in the life and lustre
of its colours, white veined with blue. Refrain who could from such provoking
enticements to it in reach? He touched her breasts, first lightly, when the
glossy smoothness of the skin eluded his hand, and made it slip along the
surface; he press'd them, and the springy flesh that filled them thus pitted by
force, rose again reboundingly with his hand, and on the instant effac'd the
pressure: and alike indeed was the consistence of all those parts of her body
throughout, where the fullness of flesh compacts and constitutes all that fine
firmness which the touch is so highly attach'd to. When he had thus largely
pleased himself with this branch of dalliance and delight, he truss'd up her
petticoat and shift in a wisp to her waist, where being tuck'd in, she stood
fairly naked on every side; a blush at this overspread her lovely face, and her
eyes downcast to the ground seemed to be for quarter, when she had so great a
right to triumph in all the treasures of youth and beauty that she now so
victoriously display'd. Her legs were perfectly well shaped and her thighs,
which she kept pretty close, showed so white, so round, so substantial and
abounding in firm flesh, that nothing could offer a stronger recommendation to
the luxury of the touch, which he accordingly did not fail to indulge himself
in. Then gently removing her hand, which in the first emotion of natural modesty
she had carried thither, he gave us rather a glimpse than a view of that soft
narrow chink running its little length downwards and hiding the remains of it
between her thighs; but plain was to be seen the fringe of light-brown curls, in
beauteous growth over it, that with their silky gloss created a pleasing variety
from the surrounding white, whose lustre too, their gentle embrowning shade,
considerably raised. Her spark then endeavoured, as she stood, by disclosing her
thighs, to gain us a completer sight of that central charm of attraction, but
not obtaining it so conveniently in that attitude, he led her to the foot of the
couch, and bringing to it one of the pillows, gently inclin'd her head down, so
that as she leaned with it over her crossed hands, straddling with her thighs
wide spread, and jutting her body out, she presented a full back view of her
person, naked to her waist. Her posteriours, plump, smooth, and prominent,
form'd luxuriant tracts of animated snow, that splendidly filled the eye, till
it was commanded down the parting or separation of those exquisitely white
cliffs, by their narrow vale, and was there stopped, and attracted by the
embowered bottom-cavity, that terminated this delightful vista and stood
moderately gaping from the influence of her bended posture, so that the
agreeable, interior red of the sides of the orifice came into view, and with
respect to the white that dazzled round it, gave somewhat the idea of a pink
slash in the glossiest white satin. Her gallant, who was a gentleman about
thirty, somewhat inclin'd to a fatness that was in no sort displeasing,
improving the hint thus tendered him of this mode of enjoyment, after settling
her well in this posture, and encouraging her with kisses and caresses to stand
him through, drew out his affair ready erected, and whose extreme length, rather
disproportion'd to its breadth, was the more surprising, as that excess is not
often the case with those of his corpulent habit; making then the right and
direct application, he drove it up to the guard, whilst the round bulge of those
Turkish beauties of her's tallying with the hollow made with the bent of his
belly and thighs, as they curved inwards, brought all those parts, surely not
undelightfully, into warm touch, and close conjunction; his hands he kept
passing round her body, and employed in toying with her enchanting breasts. As
soon too as she felt him at home as he could reach, she lifted her head a little
from the pillow, and turning her neck, without much straining, but her cheeks
glowing with the deepest scarlet, and a smile of the tenderest satisfaction, met
the kiss he press'd forward to give her as they were thus close joined together:
when leaving him to pursue his delights, she hid again her face and blushes with
her hands and pillow, and thus stood passively and as favourably too as she
could, whilst he kept laying at her with repeated thrusts and making the meeting
flesh on both sides resound again with the violence of them; then ever as he
backen'd from her, we could see between them part of his long whitestaff
foamingly in motion, till, as he went on again and closed with her, the
interposing hillocks took it out of sight. Sometimes he took his hands from the
semi-globes of her bosom, and transferred the pressure of them to those larger
ones, the present subjects of his soft blockade, which he squeez'd, grasp'd and
play'd with, till at length a pursuit of driving, so hotly urged, brought on the
height of the fit, with such overpowering pleasure, that his fair partner
became, now necessary to support him, panting, fainting and dying as he
discharged; which she no sooner felt the killing sweetness of, than unable to
keep her legs, and yielding to the mighty intoxication, she reeled, and falling
forward on the couch, made it a necessity for him, if he would preserve the warm
pleasure-hold, to fall upon her, where they perfected, in a continued
conjunction of body and extatic flow, their scheme of joys for that time.
    As soon as he had disengag'd, the charming Emily got up, and we crowded
round her with congratulations and other officious little services; for it is to
be noted, that though all modesty and reserve were banished from the transaction
of these pleasures, good manners and politeness were inviolably observe'd: here
was no gross ribaldry, no offensive or rude behaviour, or ungenerous reproaches
to the girls for their compliance with the humours and desires of the men. On
the contrary, nothing was wanting to soothe, encourage, and soften the sense of
their condition to them. Men know not in general how much they destroy of their
own pleasure, when they break through the respect and tenderness due to our sex,
and even to those of it who live only by pleasing them. And this was a maxim
perfectly well understood by these polite voluptuaries, these profound adepts in
the great art and science of pleasure, who never show'd these votaries of theirs
a more tender respect than at the time of those exercises of their complaisance,
when they unlock'd their treasures of concealed beauty, and showed out in the
pride of their native charms, ever-more touching surely than when they paraded
it in the artificial ones of dress and ornament.
    The frolick was now come round to me, and it being my turn of subscription
to the will and pleasure of my particular elect, as well as to that of the
company, he came to me, and saluting me very tenderly, with a flattering
eagerness, put me in mind of the compliances my presence there authoriz'd the
hopes of, and at the same time repeated to me that if all this force of example
had not surmounted any repugnance I might have to concur with the humours and
desires of the company, that though the play was bespoke for my benefit, and
great as his own private disappointment might be, he would suffer any thing,
sooner than be the instrument of imposing a disagreeable task on me.
    To this I answered, without the least hesitation or mincing grimace, that
had I not even contracted a kind of engagement to be at his disposal without the
least reserve, the example of such agreeable companions would alone determine me
and that I was in no pain about any thing but my appearing to so great a
disadvantage after such superior beauties. And take notice that I thought as I
spoke. The frankness of the answer pleas'd them all; my particular was
complimented on his acquisition, and, by way of indirect flattery to me, openly
envied.
    Mrs. Cole, by the way, could not have given me a greater mark of her regard
than in managing for me the choice of this young gentleman for my master of the
ceremonies: for, independent of his noble birth and the great fortune he was
heir to, his person was even uncommonly pleasing, well shaped and tall; his face
mark'd with the small-pox, but no more than what added a grace of more manliness
to features rather turned to softness and delicacy, was marvellously enliven'd
by eyes which were of the clearest sparkling black; in short, he was one whom
any woman would, in the familiar style, readily call a very pretty fellow.
    I was now handed by him to the cock-pit of our match, where, as I was
dressed in nothing but a white morning gown, he vouchsafed to play the
male-Abigail on this occasion, and spared me the confusion that would have
attended the forwardness of undressing myself: my gown then was loosen'd in a
trice, and I divested of it; my stay next offered an obstacle which readily gave
way, Louisa very readily furnishing a pair of scissors to cut the lace; off went
that shell and dropping my upper-coat, I was reduced to my under one and my
shift, the open bosom of which gave the hands and eyes all the liberty they
could wish. Here I imagine'd the stripping was to stop, but I reckoned short: my
spark, at the desire of the rest, tenderly begged that I would not suffer the
small remains of a covering to rob them of a full view of my whole person; and
for me, who was too flexibly obsequious to dispute any point with them, and who
considered the little more that remain'd as very immaterial, I readily assented
to whatever he pleased. In an instant, then, my under-petticoat was untied and
at my feet, and my shift drawn over my head, so that my cap, slightly fasten'd,
came off with it, and brought all my hair down (of which, be it again remembered
without vanity, that I had a very fine head) in loose disorderly ringlets, over
my neck and shoulders, to the not unfavourable set-off of my skin.
    I now stood before my judges in all the truth of nature, to whom I could not
appear a very disagreeable figure, if you please to recollect what I have before
said of my person, which time, that at certain periods of life robs us every
instant of our charms, had, at that of mine, then greatly improved into full and
open bloom, for I wanted some months of eighteen. My breasts, which in the state
of nudity are ever capital points, now in no more than in graceful plenitude,
maintained a firmness and steady independence of any stay or support that dared
and invited the test of the touch. Then I was as tall, as slim-shaped as could
be consistent with all that juicy plumpness of flesh, ever the most grateful to
the senses of sight and touch, which I owed to the health and youth of my
constitution. I had not, however, so thoroughly renounc'd all innate shame as
not to suffer great confusion at the state I saw myself in; but the whole troop
round me, men and women, relieved me with every mark of applause and
satisfaction, every flattering attention to raise and inspire me with even
sentiments of pride on the figure I made, which, my friend gallantly protested,
infinitely out-shone all other birthday finery whatever; so that had I leave to
set down, for sincere, all the compliments these connoisseurs overwhelmed me
with upon this occasion, I might flatter myself with having pass'd my
examination with the approbation of the learned.
    My friend however, who for this time had alone the disposal of me, humoured
their curiosity, and perhaps his own, so far that he placed me in all the
variety of postures and lights imaginable, pointing out every beauty under every
aspect of it, not without such parentheses of kisses, such inflammatory
liberties of his roving hands, as made all shame fly before them, and a blushing
glow give place to a warmer one of desire, which led me even to find some relish
in the present scene.
    But in this general survey, you may be sure, the most material spot of me
was not excuse'd the strictest visitation; nor was it but agreed, that I had not
the least reason to be diffident of passing even for a maid, on occasion: so
inconsiderable a flaw had my preceding adventures created there, and so soon had
the blemish of an over-stretch been repaired and worn out at my age, and in my
naturally small make in that part.
    Now, whether my partner had exhausted all the modes of regaling the touch or
sight, or whether he was now ungovernably wound up to strike, I know not; but
briskly throwing off his clothes, the prodigious heat bred by a close room, a
great fire, numerous candles, and even the inflammatory warmth of these scenes,
induced him to lay aside his shirt too, when his breeches, before loosen'd, now
gave up their contents to view, and show'd in front the enemy I had to engage
with, stiffly bearing up the port of its head unhooded, and glowing red. Then I
plainly saw what I had to trust to: it was one of those just true-siz'd
instruments, of which the masters have a better command than the more unwieldy,
inordinate siz'd ones are generally under. Straining me then close to his bosom,
as he stood up fore-right against me and applying to the obvious niche its
peculiar idol, he aimed at inserting it, which, as I forwardly favoured, he
effected at once by canting up my thighs over his naked hips, and made me
receive every inch, and close home; so that stuck upon the pleasure-pivot, and
clinging round his neck, in which and in his hair I hid my face, burningly
flushing with my present feelings as much as with shame, my bosom glew'd to his;
he carried me once round the couch, on which he then, without quitting the
middle-fastness, or dischannelling, laid me down, and began the pleasure-grist.
But so provokingly predisposed and primed as we were, by all the moving sights
of the night, our imagination was too much heated not to melt us of the soonest:
and accordingly, I no sooner felt the warm spray darted up my inwards from him,
but I was punctually on flow, to share the momentary ecstasy; but I had yet
greater reason to boast of our harmony: for finding that all, the flames of
desire were not yet quench'd within me, but that rather, like wetted coals, I
glowed the fiercer for this sprinkling, my hot-mettled spark, sympathizing with
me, and loaded for a double fire, recontinu'd the sweet battery with undying
vigour; greatly pleas'd at which I gratefully endeavoured to accommodate all my
motions to his best advantage and delight; kisses, squeezes, tender murmurs, all
came into play, till our joys, growing more turbulent and riotous, threw us into
a fond disorder, and as they raged to a point, bore us far from ourselves into
an ocean of boundless pleasures, into which we both plunged together in a
transport of taste. Now all the impressions of burning desire, from the lively
scenes I had been spectatress of, ripened by the heat of this exercise, and
collecting to a head, throbb'd and agitated me with insupportable irritations: I
perfectly fevered and madden'd with their excess. I did not now enjoy a calm of
reason enough to perceive, but I extatically, indeed, felt the power of such
rare and exquisite provocatives, as the examples of the night had proved towards
thus exalting our pleasures: which, with great joy, I sensibly found my gallant
shared in, by his nervous and home expressions of it: his eyes flashing eloquent
flames, his action infuriated with the stings of it, all conspiring to rise my
delight by assuring me of his. Lifted then to the utmost pitch of joy that human
life can bear, undestroyed by excess, I touch'd that sweetly critical point,
whence scarce prevented by the injection from my partner, I dissolved, and
breaking out into a deep drawn sigh, sent my whole sensitive soul down to that
passage where escape was denied it, by its being so deliciously plugged and
chok'd up. Thus we lay a few blissful instants, overpowered, still, and languid;
till, as the sense of pleasure stagnated, we recover'd from our trance, and he
splipped out of me, not however before he had protested his extreme satisfaction by
the tenderest kiss and embrace, as well as by the most cordial expressions.
    The company, who had stood round us in a profound silence, when all was
over, help'd me to hurry on my clothes in an instant, and complimented me on the
sincere homage they could not escape observing had been done (as they termed it)
to the sovereignty of my charms, in my receiving a double payment of tribute at
one juncture. But my partner, now dress'd again, signaliz'd, above all, a
fondness unbated by the circumstance of recent enjoyment; the girls too kiss'd
and embraced me, assuring me that for that time, or indeed any other, unless I
pleased, I was to go thro' no farther public trials, and that I was now
consummatedly initiated, and one of them.
    As it was an inviolable law for every gallant to keep to his partner, for
the night especially, and even till he relinquish'd possession over to the
community, in order to preserve a pleasing property and to avoid the disgusts
and indelicacy of another arrangement, the company, after a short refection of
biscuits and wine, tea and chocolate, served in at now about one in the morning,
broke up, and went off in pairs. Mrs. Cole had prepared my spark and me an
occasional field-bed, to which we retire'd, and there ended the night in one
continued strain of pleasure, sprightly and uncloy'd enough for us not to have
formed one wish for its ever knowing an end. In the morning, after a restorative
breakfast in bed, he got up, and with very tender assurances of a particular
regard for me, left me to the composure and refreshment of a sweet slumber;
waking out of which, and getting up to dress before Mrs. Cole should come in, I
found in one of my pockets a purse of guineas, which he had splipped there; and
just as I was musing on a liberality I had certainly not expected, Mrs. Cole
came in, to whom I immediately communicated the present, and naturally offered
her whatever share she pleas'd: but assuring me that the gentleman had very
nobly rewarded her, she would on no terms, no entreaties, no shape I could put
it in, receive any part of it. Her denial, she observed, was not affectation of
grimace, and proceeded to read me such admirable lessons on the economy of my
person and my purse as I became amply paid for my general attention and
conformity to in the course of my acquaintance with the town. After which,
changing the discourse, she fell on the pleasures of the preceding night, where
I learn'd, without much surprise, as I began to enter on her character, that she
had seen every thing that had passed, from a convenient place managed solely for
that purpose, and of which she readily made me the confidante.
    She had scarce finish'd this, when the little troop of love, the girls my
companions, broke in and renewed their compliments and caresses. I observed with
pleasure that the fatigues and exercises of the night had not usurped in the
least on the life of their complexion, or the freshness of their bloom: this I
found, by their confession, was owing to the management and advice of our rare
directress. They went down then to figure it, as usual, in the shop; whilst I
repair'd to my lodgings, where I employed myself till I returned to dinner at
Mrs. Cole's.
    Here I staid in constant amusement, with one or other of these charming
girls, till about five in the evening; when seize'd with a sudden drowsy fit, I
was prevailed on to go up and doze it off on Harriet's bed, who left me on it to
my repose. There then I lay down in my clothes and fell fast asleep, and had now
enjoyed, by guess, about an hour's rest, when I was pleasingly disturbed by my
new and favourite gallant, who, enquiring for me, was readily directed where to
find me. Coming then into my chamber, and seeing me lie alone, with my face
turn'd from the light towards the inside of the bed, he, without more ado, just
slipped off his breeches, for the greater ease and enjoyment of the naked touch;
and softly turning up my petticoat and shift behind, opened the prospect of the
back avenue to the genial seat of pleasure; where, as I lay at my side length,
inclining rather face downward, I appeared full fair, and liable to be entered.
Laying himself then gently down by me, he invested me behind, and giving me to
feel the warmth of his body as he applied his thighs and belly close to me, and
the endeavours of that machine, whose touch has something so exquisitely
singular in it, to make its way good into me. I wak'd pretty much startled at
first, but seeing who it was, disposed myself to turn to him, when he gave me a
kiss, and desiring me to keep my posture, just lifted up my upper thigh, and
ascertaining the right opening, soon drove it up to the farthest; satisfied with
which, and solacing himself with lying so close in those parts, he suspended
motion, and thus steeped in pleasure, kept me lying on my side, into him,
spoon-fashion, as he term'd it, from the snug indent of the back part of my
thighs, and all upwards, into the space of the bending between his thighs and
belly; till, after some time, that restless and turbulent inmate, impatient by
nature of longer quiet, urg'd him to action, which now prosecuting with all the
usual train of toying, kissing, and the like, ended at length in the liquid
proof on both sides, that we had not exhausted, or at least were quickly
recruited of last night's draughts of pleasure in us.
    With this noble and agreeable youth liv'd I in perfect joy and constancy. He
was full bent on keeping me to himself, for the honey-month at least; but his
stay in London was not even so long, his father, who had a post in Ireland,
taking him abruptly with him on his repairing thither. Yet even then I was near
keeping hold of his affection and person, as he had propos'd, and I had
consented to follow him in order to go to Ireland after him, as soon as he could
be settled there; but meeting with an agreeable and advantageous match in that
kingdom, he chose the wiser part, and forebore sending for me, but at the same
time took care that I should receive a very magnificent present, which did not
however compensate for all my deep regret on my loss of him.
    This event also created a chasm in our little society, which Mrs. Cole, on
the foot of her usual caution, was in no haste to fill up; but then it redoubled
her attention to procure me, in the advantages of a traffic for a counterfeit
maidenhead, some consolation for the sort of widowhood I had been left in; and
this was a scheme she had never lost prospect of, and only waited for a proper
person to bring it to bear with.
    But I was, it seems, fated to be my own caterer in this, as I had been in my
first trial of the market.
    I had now pass'd near a month in the enjoyment of all the pleasures of
familiarity and society with my companions, whose particular favourites (the
baronet excepted, who soon after took Harriet home) had all, on the terms of
community establish'd in the house, solicited the gratification of their taste
for variety in my embraces; but I had with the utmost art and address, on
various pretexts, eluded their pursuit, without giving them cause to complain;
and this reserve I used neither out of dislike of them, or disgust of the thing,
but my true reason was my attachment to my own, and my tenderness of invading
the choice of my companions, who outwardly exempt, as they seem'd, from
jealousy, could not but in secret like me the better for the regard I had for,
without making a merit of it to them. Thus easy, and beloved by the whole
family, did I go on; when one day, that, about five in the afternoon, I stepped
over to a fruiterer's shop in Covent Garden, to pick some table fruit for myself
and the young women, I met with the following adventure.
    Whilst I was chaffering for the fruit I wanted, I observe'd myself follow'd
by a young gentleman, whose rich dress first attracted my notice; for the rest,
he had nothing remarkable in his person, except that he was pale, thin-made, and
venture'd himself upon legs rather of the slenderest. Easy was it to perceive,
without seeming to perceive it, that it was me he wanted to be at; and keeping
his eyes fixed on me, till he came to the same basket that I stood at, and
cheapening, or rather giving the first price ask'd for the fruit, began his
approaches. Now most certainly I was not at all out of figure to pass for a
modest girl. I had neither the feathers nor fumet of a taudry town-miss: a straw
hat, a white gown, clean linen, and above all, a certain natural and easy air of
modesty (which the appearances of never forsook me, even on those occasions that
I most broke in upon it, in practice) were all signs that gave him no opening to
conjecture my condition. He spoke to me; and this address from a stranger
throwing a blush into my cheeks that still set him wider off the truth, I
answered him with an aukwardness and confusion the more apt to impose, as there
was really a mixture of the genuine in them. But when proceeding, on the foot of
having broken the ice, to join discourse, he went into other leading questions,
I put so much innocence, simplicity, and even childishness into my answers that
on no better foundation, liking my person as he did, I will answer for it, he
would have been sworn for my modesty. There is, in short, in the men, when once
they are caught, by the eye especially, a fund of cullibility that their lordly
wisdom little dreams of, and in virtue of which the most sagacious of them are
seen so often our dupes. Amongst other queries he put to me, one was whether I
was married. I replied that I was too young to think of that this many a year.
To that of my age, I answered, and sunk a year upon him, passing myself for not
seventeen. As to my way of life, I told him I had serve'd an apprenticeship to a
milliner in Preston, and was come to town after a relation, that I had found, on
my arrival, was dead, and now liv'd journey-woman to a milliner in town. That
last article, indeed, was not much of the side of what I pretended to pass for;
but it did pass, under favour of the growing passion I had inspir'd him with.
After he had next got out of me, very dextrously as he thought, what I had no
sort of design to make reserve of, my own, my mistress's name, and place of
abode, he loaded me with fruit, all the rarest and dearest he could pick out,
and sent me home, pondering on what might be the consequence of this adventure.
    As soon then as I came to Mrs. Cole's, I related to her all that passed, on
which she very judiciously concluded that if he did not come after me there was
no harm done, and that, if he did, as her presage suggested to her he would, his
character and his views should be well sifted, so as to know whether the game
was worth the springs; that in the mean time nothing was easier than my part in
it, since no more rested on me than to follow her cue and promptership
throughout, to the last act.
    The next morning, after an evening spent on his side, as we afterwards
learnt, in perquisitions into Mrs. Cole's character in the neighbourhood (than
which nothing could be more favourable to her design upon him), my gentleman
came in his chariot to the shop, where Mrs. Cole alone had an inkling of his
errand. Asking then for her, he easily made a beginning of acquaintance by
bespeaking some millinery ware: when, as I sat without lifting up my eyes, and
pursuing the hem of a ruffle with the utmost composure and simplicity of
industry, Mrs. Cole took notice that the first impressions I made on him ran no
risk of being destroyed by those of Louisa and Emily, who were then sitting at
work by me. After vainly endeavouring to catch my eyes in re-encounter with his
(as I held my head down, affecting a kind of consciousness of guilt for having,
by speaking to him, given him encouragement and means of following me), and
after giving Mrs. Cole direction when to bring the things home herself, and the
time he should expect them, he went out, taking with him some goods that he paid
for liberally, for the better grace of his introduction.
    The girls all this time did not in the least smoke the mystery of this new
customer; but Mrs. Cole, as soon as we were conveniently alone, insur'd me, in
virtue of her long experience in these matters, that for this bout my charms had
not miss'd fire; for that by his eagerness, his manner and looks, she was sure
he had it: the only point now in doubt was his character and circumstances,
which her knowledge of the town would soon gain her sufficient acquaintance
with, to take her measures upon.
    And effectively, in a few hours, her intelligence serve'd her so well that
she learn'd that this conquest of mine was no other than Mr. Norbert, a
gentleman originally of great fortune, which, with a constitution naturally not
the best, he had vastly impaired by his over-violent pursuit of the vices of the
town; in the course of which, having worn out and stal'd all the more common
modes of debauchery, he had fallen into a taste of maiden-hunting; in which
chase he had ruin'd a number of girls, sparing no expense to compass his ends,
and generally using them well till tired, or cool'd by enjoyment, or springing a
new face, he could with more ease disembarrass himself of the old ones, and
resign them to their fate, as his sphere of achievements of that sort lay only
amongst such as he could proceed with by way of bargain and sale.
    Concluding from these premises, Mrs. Cole observe'd that a character of this
sort was ever a lawful prize; that the sin would be, not to make the best of our
market of him; and that she thought such a girl as I only too good for him at
any rate, and on any terms.
    She went then, at the hour appointed, to his lodgings in one of our inns of
court, which were furnished in a taste of grandeur that had a special eye to all
the conveniences of luxury and pleasure. Here she found him in ready waiting;
and after finishing her pretence of business, and a long circuit of discussions
concerning her trade, which she said was very bad, the qualities of her
servants, 'prentices, journey-women, the discourse naturally landed at length on
me, when Mrs. Cole, acting admirably the good old prating gossip, who lets every
thing escape her when her tongue is set in motion, cooked him up a story so
plausible of me, throwing in every now and then such strokes of art, with all
the simplest air of nature, in praise of my person and temper, as finished him
finely for her purpose, whilst nothing could be better counterfeited than her
innocence of his. But when now fired and on edge, he proceeded to drop hints of
his design and views upon me, after he had with much confusion and pains brought
her to the point (she kept as long aloof from as she thought proper) of
understanding him, without now affecting to pass for a dragoness of virtue, by
flying out into those violent and ever suspicious passions, she stuck with the
better grace and effect to the character of a plain, good sort of a woman, that
knew no harm, and that getting her bread in an honest way, was made of stuff
easy and flexible enough to be wrought upon to his ends, by his superior skill
and address; but, however, she managed so artfully that three or four meetings
took place before he could obtain the least favourable hope of her assistance;
without which, he had, by a number of fruitless messages, letters, and other
direct trials of my disposition, convinced himself there was no coming at me,
all which too raise'd at once my character and price with him.
    Regardful, however, of not carrying these difficulties to such a length as
might afford time for starting discoveries, or incidents, unfavourable to her
plan, she at last pretended to be won over by mere dint of entreaties, promises,
and, above all, by the dazzling sum she took care to wind him up to the
specification of, when it was now even a piece of art to feign, at once, a
yielding to the allurements of a great interest, as a pretext for her yielding
at all, and the manner of it such as might persuade him she had never dipp'd her
virtuous fingers in an affair of that sort.
    Thus she led him through all the gradations of difficulty, and obstacles,
necessary to enhance the value of the prize he aim'd at; and in conclusion, he
was so struck with the little beauty I was mistress of, and so eagerly bent on
gaining his ends of me, that he left her even no room to boast of her management
in bringing him up to her mark, he drove so plum of himself into every thing
tending to make him swallow the bait. Not but, in other respects, Mr. Norbert
was not clear sighted enough, or that he did not perfectly know the town, and
even by experience, the very branch of imposition now in practice upon him: but
we had his passion our friend so much, he was so blinded and hurried on by it,
that he would have thought any undeception a very ill office done to his
pleasure. Thus concurring, even precipitately, to the point she wanted him at,
Mrs. Cole brought him at last to hug himself on the cheap bargain he consider'd
the purchase of my imaginary jewel was to him, at no more than three hundred
guineas to myself, and a hundred to the brokeress: being a slender recompense
for all her pains, and all the scruples of conscience she had now sacrificed to
him for this the first time of her life; which sums were to be paid down on the
nail, upon livery of my person, exclusive of some no inconsiderable presents
that had been made in the course of the negotiation: during which I had
occasionally, but sparingly been introduc'd into his company, at proper times
and hours; in which it is incredible how little it seem'd necessary to strain my
natural disposition to modesty higher, in order to pass it upon him for that of
a very maid: all my looks and gestures ever breathing nothing but that innocence
which the men so ardently require in us, for no other end than to feast
themselves with the pleasures of destroying it, and which they are so
grievously, with all their skill, subject to mistakes in.
    When the articles of the treaty had been fully agreed on, the stipulated
payments duly secure'd, and nothing now remained but the execution of the main
point, which centre'd in the surrender of my person up to his free disposal and
use, Mrs. Cole managed her objections, especially to his lodgings, and
insinuations so nicely, that it became his own mere notion and urgent request
that this copy of a wedding should be finish'd at her house: At first, indeed,
she did not care, said she, to have such doings in it ... she would not for a
thousand pounds have any of the servants or 'prentices know it ... her precious
good name would be gone for ever - with the like excuses. However, on superior
objections to all other expedients, whilst she took care to start none but those
which were most liable to them, it came round at last to the necessity of her
obliging him in that conveniency, and of doing a little more where she had
already done so much.
    The night then was fix'd, with all possible respect to the eagerness of his
impatience, and in the mean time Mrs. Cole had omitted no instructions, nor even
neglected any preparation, that might enable me to come off with honour, in
regard to the appearance of my virginity, except that, favour'd as I was by
nature with all the narrowness of stricture in that part requisite to conduct my
designs, I had no occasion to borrow those auxiliaries of art that create a
momentary one, easily discover'd by the test of a warm bath; and as to the usual
sanguinary symptoms of defloration, which, if not always, are generally
attendants on it, Mrs. Cole had made me the mistress of an invention of her own
which could hardly miss its effect, and of which more in its place.
    Everything then being disposed and fix'd for Mr. Norbert's reception, he
was, at the hour of eleven at night, with all the mysteries of silence and
secrecy, let in by Mrs. Cole herself, and introduced into her bed-chamber,
where, in an old-fashioned bed of her's, I lay, fully undressed, and panting, if
not with the fears of a real maid, at least with those perhaps greater of a
dissembled one which gave me an air of confusion and bashfulness that
maiden-modesty had all the honour of, and was indeed scarce distinguishable from
it, even by less partial eyes than those of my lover: so let me call him, for I
ever thought the term cully too cruel a reproach to the men for their abused
weakness for us.
    As soon as Mrs. Cole, after the old gossipery, on these occasions, us'd to
young women abandoned for the first time to the will of man, had left us alone
in her room, which, by-the-bye, was well lighted up, at his previous desire,
that seemed to bode a stricter examination than he afterwards made, Mr. Norbert,
still dressed, sprung towards the bed, where I got my head under the clothes,
and defended them a good while before he could even get at my lips, to kiss
them: so true it is, that a false virtue, on this occasion, even makes a greater
rout and resistance than a true one. From thence he descended to my breasts, the
feel I disputed tooth and nail with him till, tired with my resistance, and
thinking probably to give a better account of me, when got into bed to me, he
hurry'd his clothes off in an instant, and came into bed.
    Mean while, by the glimpse I stole of him, I could easily discover a person
far from promising any such doughty performances as the storming of maidenheads
generally requires, and whose flimsy consumptive texture gave him more the air
of an invalid that was pressed, than of a volunteer, on such hot service.
    At scarce thirty, he had already reduced his strength of appetite down to a
wretched dependence on force'd provocatives, very little seconded by the natural
power of a body jaded and racked off to the lees by constant repeated
overdraughts of pleasure, which had done the work of sixty winters on his
springs of life: leaving him at the same time all the fire and heat of youth in
his imagination, which served at once to torment and spur him down the
precipice.
    As soon as he was in bed, he threw off the bed-clothes, which I suffered him
to force from my hold, and I now lay as expos'd as he could wish, not only to
his attacks, but his visitation of the sheets; where in the various agitations
of the body, through my endeavours to defend myself, he could easily assure
himself there was no preparation: though, to do him justice, he seem'd a less
strict examinant than I had apprehended from so experienc'd a practitioner. My
shift then he fairly tore open, finding I made too much use of it to barricade
my breasts, as well as the more important avenue: yet in every thing else he
proceeded with all the marks of tenderness and regard to me, whilst the art of
my play was to show none for him. I acted then all the niceties, apprehensions,
and terrors supposable for a girl perfectly innocent to feel at so great a
novelty as a naked man in bed with her for the first time. He scarce even
obtained a kiss but what he ravished; I put his hand away twenty times from my
breasts, where he had satisfied himself of their hardness and consistence, with
passing for hitherto unhandled goods. But when grown impatient for the main
point, he now threw himself upon me, and first trying to examine me with his
finger, sought to make himself further way, I complained of his usage bitterly:
I thought he would not have serve'd a body so ... I was ruin'd ... I did not know
what I had done ... I would get up, so I would ...; and at the same time kept my
thighs so fast locked, that it was not for strength like his to force them open,
or do any good. Finding thus my advantages, and that I had both my own and his
motions at command, the deceiving him came so easy that it was perfectly playing
upon velvet. In the mean time his machine, which was one of those sizes that
slip in and out without being minded, kept pretty stiffly bearing against that
part, which the shutting my thighs barr'd access to; but finding, at length, he
could do no good by mere dint of bodily strength, he resorted to entreaties and
arguments: to which I only answer'd with a tone of shame and timidity, that I
was afraid he would kill me ... Lord! ..., I would not be served so ... I was
never so used in all my born days ... I wondered he was not ashamed of himself,
so I did ..., with such silly infantile moods of repulse and complaint as I
judged best adapted to express the character of innocence and affright.
Pretending, however, to yield at length to the vehemence of his insistence, in
action and words, I sparingly disclosed my thighs, so that he could just touch
the cloven inlet with the tip of his instrument: but as he fatigued and toil'd
to get it in, a twist of my body, so as to receive it obliquely, not only
thwarted his admission, but giving a scream, as if he had pierced me to the
heart, I shook him off me with such violence that he could not with all his
might to it, keep the saddle: vex'd indeed at this he seemed, but not in the
style of any displeasure with me for my skittishness; on the contrary, I dare
swear he held me the dearer, and hugged himself for the difficulties that even
hurt his instant pleasure. Fired, however, now beyond all bearance of delay, he
remounts and begg'd of me to have patience, stroking and soothing me to it by
all the tenderest endearments and protestations of what he would moreover do for
me; at which, feigning to be something softened, and abating of the anger that I
had shown at his hurting me so prodigiously, I suffered him to lay my thighs
aside, and make way for a new trial; but I watched the directions and management
of his point so well, that no sooner was the orifice in the least open to it,
but I gave such a timely jerk as seemed to proceed not from the evasion of his
entry, but from the pain his efforts at it put me to: a circumstance too that I
did not fail to accompany with proper gestures, sighs and cries of complaint, of
which that he had hurt me ... he kill'd me ... I should die ..., were the most
frequent interjections. But now, after repeated attempts, in which he had not
made the least impression towards gaining his point, at least for that time, the
pleasure rose so fast upon him that he could not check or delay it, and in the
vigour and fury which the approaches of the height of it inspir'd him, he made
one fierce thrust, that had almost put me by my guard, and lodged it so far that
I could feel the warm inspersion just within the exterior orifice, which I had
the cruelty not to let him finish there, but threw him out again, not without a
most piercing loud exclamation, as if the pain had put me beyond all regard of
being overheard. It was easy then to observe that he was more satisfy'd, more
highly pleased with the supposed motives of his baulk of consummation, than he
would have been at the full attainment of it. It was on this foot that I solved
to myself all the falsity I employed to procure him that blissful pleasure in
it, which most certainly he would not have tasted in the truth of things. Eas'd
however, and relieved by one discharge, he now apply'd himself to sooth,
encourage and to put me into humour and patience to bear his next attempt, which
he began to prepare and gather force for, from all the incentives of the touch
and sight which he could think of, by examining every individual part of my
whole body, which he declared his satisfaction with in raptures of applauses,
kisses universally imprinted, and sparing no part of me, in all the eagerest
wantonness of feeling, seeing, and toying. His vigour however did not return so
soon, and I felt him more than once pushing at the door, but so little in a
condition to break in, that I question whether he had the power to enter, had I
held it ever so open; but this he then thought me too little acquainted with the
nature of things to have any regret or confusion about, and he kept fatiguing
himself and me for a long time, before he was in any state to resume his attacks
with any prospect of success; and then I breath'd him so warmly, and kept him so
at bay, that before he had made any sensible progress in point of penetration,
he was deliciously sweated, and weary'd out indeed: so that it was deep in the
morning before he achieved his second let-go, about half way of entrance, I all
the while crying and complaining of his prodigious vigour, and the immensity of
what I appear'd to suffer splitting up with. Tired, however, at length, with
such athletic drudgery, my champion began now to give out, and to gladly embrace
the refreshment of some rest. Kissing me then with much affection, and
recommending me to my repose, he presently fell fast asleep: which, as soon as I
had well satisfy'd myself of, I with much composure of body, so as not to wake
him by any motion, with much ease and safety too, played of Mrs. Cole's device
for perfecting the signs of my virginity.
    In each of the head bed-posts, just above where the bedsteads are inserted
into them, there was a small drawer, so artfully adapted to the mouldings of the
timber-work, that it might have escape'd even the most curious search: which
drawers were easily open'd or shut by the touch of a spring, and were fitted
each with a shallow glass tumbler, full of a prepared fluid blood, in which lay
soak'd, for ready use, a sponge that required no more than gently reaching the
hand to it, taking it out and properly squeezing between the thighs, when it
yielded a great deal more of the red liquid than would save a girl's honour;
after which, replacing it, and touching the spring, all possibility of
discovery, or even of suspicion, was taken away; and all this was not the work
of the fourth part of a minute, and on which ever side one lay, the thing was
equally easy and practicable, by the double care taken to have each bed-post
provided alike. True it is, that had he waked and caught me in the act, it would
at least have covered me with shame and confusion; but then, that he did not,
was, with the precautions I took, a risk of a thousand to one in my favour.
    At ease now, and out of all fear of any doubt or suspicion on his side, I
address'd myself in good earnest to my repose, but could obtain none; and in
about half an hour's time my gentleman waked again, and turning towards me, I
feigned a sound sleep, which he did not long respect; but girding himself again
to renew the onset, he began to kiss and caress me, when now making as if I just
wak'd, I complained of the disturbance, and of the cruel pain that this little
rest had stole my senses from. Eager, however, for the pleasure, as well of
consummating an entire triumph over my virginity, he said everything that could
overcome my resistance, and bribe my patience to the end, which now I was ready
to listen to, from being secure of the bloody proofs I had prepared of his
victorious violence, though I still thought it good policy not to let him in yet
a while. I answered then only to his importunities in sighs and moans that I was
so hurt, I could not bear it ... I was sure he had done me a mischief; that he
had ... he was such a sad man! At this, turning down the clothes and viewing the
field of battle by the glimmer of a dying taper, he saw plainly my thighs,
shift, and sheets, all stained with what he readily took for a virgin effusion,
proceeding from his last half-penetration: convince'd, and transported at which,
nothing could equal his joy and exultation. The illusion was complete, no other
conception entered his head but that of his having been at work upon an unopen'd
mine; which idea, upon so strong an evidence, redoubled at once his tenderness
for me, and his ardour for breaking it wholly up. Kissing me then with the
utmost rapture, he comforted me, and begg'd my pardon for the pain he had put me
to: observing withal, that it was only a thing in course: but the worst was
certainly past, and that with a little courage and constancy, I should get it
once well over, and never after experience any thing but the greatest pleasure.
By little and little I suffer'd myself to be prevailed on, and giving, as it
were, up the point to him, I made my thighs, insensibly spreading them, yield
him liberty of access, which improving, he got a little within me, when by a
well managed reception I work'd the female screw so nicely, that I kept him from
the easy mid-channel direction, and by dexterous wreathing and contortions,
creating an artificial difficulty of entrance, made him win it inch by inch,
with the most laborious struggles, I all the while sorely complaining: till at
length, with might and main, winding his way in, he got it completely home, and
giving my virginity, as he thought, the coup de grâce, furnished me with the cue
of setting up a terrible outcry, whilst he, triumphant and like a cock clapping
his wings over his down-trod mistress, pursue'd his pleasure: which presently
rose, in virtue of this idea of a complete victory, to a pitch that made me soon
sensible of his melting period; whilst I now lay acting the deep wounded,
breathless, frighten'd, undone, no longer maid.
    You would ask me, perhaps, whether all this time I enjoy'd any perception of
pleasure? I assure you, little or none, till just towards the latter end, a
faintish sense of it came on mechanically, from so long a struggle and frequent
fret in that ever sensible part; but, in the first place, I had no taste for the
person I was suffering the embraces of, on a pure mercenary account; and then, I
was not entirely delighted with myself for the jade's part I was playing,
whatever excuses I might have to plead for my being brought into it; but then
this insensibility kept me so much the mistress of my mind and motions, that I
could the better manage so close a counterfeit, though the whole scene of
deception.
    Recover'd at length to a more show of life, by his tender condolences,
kisses and embraces, I upbraided him, and reproach'd him with my ruin, in such
natural terms as added to his satisfaction with himself for having accomplish'd
it; and guessing, by certain observations of mine, that it would be rather
favourable to him, to spare him, when he some time after, feebly enough, came on
again to the assault, I resolutely withstood any further endeavours, on a
pretext that flattered his prowess, of my being so violently hurt and sore that
I could not possibly endure a fresh trial. He then graciously granted me a
respite, and the next morning soon after advancing, I got rid of further
importunity, till Mrs. Cole, being rang for by him, came in and was made
acquainted, in terms of the utmost joy and rapture, with his triumphant
certainty of my virtue, and the finishing stroke he had given it in the course
of the night: of which, he added, she would see proof enough in bloody
characters on the sheets.
    You may guess how a woman of her turn of address and experience humour'd the
jest, and played him off with mixed exclamations of shame, anger, compassion for
me, and of her being pleased that all was so well over: in which last, I
believe, she was certainly sincere. And now, as the objection which she had
represented as an invincible one, to my lying the first night at his lodgings
(which were studiously calculated for freedom of intrigues), on the account of
my maiden fears and terrors at the thoughts of going to a gentleman's chambers,
and being alone with him in bed, was surmounted, she pretended to persuade me,
in favour to him, that I should go there to him whenever he pleas'd, and still
keep up all the necessary appearances of working with her, that I might not
lose, with my character, the prospect of getting a good husband, and at the same
time her house would be kept the safer from scandal. All this seem'd so
reasonable, so considerate to Mr. Norbert, that he never once perceived that she
did not want him to resort to her house, lest he might in time discover certain
inconsistencies with the character she had set out with to him: besides that,
this plan greatly flattered his own ease, and views of liberty.
    Leaving me then to my much wanted rest, he got up, and Mrs. Cole, after
settling with him all points relating to me, got him undiscovered out of the
house. After which, as I was awake, she came in and gave me due praises for my
success. Behaving too with her usual moderation and disinterestedness, she
refuse'd any share of the sum I had thus earned, and put me into such a secure
and easy way of disposing of my affairs, which now amounted to a kind of little
fortune, that a child of ten years old might have kept the account and property
of them safe in its hands.
    I was now restor'd again to my former state of a kept mistress, and used
punctually to wait on Mr. Norbert at his chambers whenever he sent a messenger
for me, which I constantly took care to be in the way of, and manage'd with so
much caution that he never once penetrated the nature of my connections with
Mrs. Cole; but indolently given up to ease and the town dissipations, the
perpetual hurry of them hinder'd him from looking into his own affairs, much
less to mine.
    In the mean time, if I may judge from my own experience, none are better
paid, or better treated, during their reign, than the mistresses of those who,
enervate by nature, debaucheries, or age, have the least employment for the sex:
sensible that a woman must be satisfy'd some way, they ply her with a thousand
little tender attentions, presents, caresses, confidences, and exhaust their
inventions in means and devices to make up for the capital deficiency; and even
towards lessening that, what arts, what modes, what refinements of pleasure have
they not recourse to, to raise their languid powers, and press nature into the
service of their sensuality? But here is their misfortune, that when by a course
of teasing, worrying, handling, wanton postures, lascivious motions, they have
at length accomplish'd a flashy enervate enjoyment, they at the same time
lighted up a flame in the object of their passion, that, not having the means
themselves to quench, drives her for relief into the next person's arms, who can
finish their work; and thus they become bawds to some favourite, tried and
approv'd of, for a more vigourous and satisfactory execution; for with women, of
our turn especially, however well our hearts may be dispos'd, there is a
controlling part, or queen seat in us, that governs itself by its own maxims of
state, amongst which not one is stronger, in practice with it, than, in the
matter of its dues, never to accept the will for the deed.
    Mr. Norbert, who was much in this ungracious case, though he profess'd to
like me extremely, could but seldom consummate the main-joy itself with me,
without such a length and variety of preparations, as were at once wearisome and
inflammatory.
    Sometimes he would strip me stark naked on a carpet, by a good fire, when he
would contemplate me almost by the hour, disposing me in all the figures and
attitudes of body that it was susceptible of being viewed in; kissing me in
every part, the most secret and critical one so far from excepted that it
received most of that branch of homage. Then his touches were so exquisitely
wanton, so luxuriously diffus'd and penetrative at times, that he had made me
perfectly rage with titillating fires, when, after all, and with much ado, he
had gained a short-lived erection, he would perhaps melt it away in a washy
sweat, or a premature abortive effusion that provokingly mock'd my eager
desires: or, if carried home, how falter'd and unnervous the execution! how
insufficient the sprinkle of a few heat-drops to extinguish all the flames he
had kindled!
    One evening, I cannot help remembering that returning home from him, with a
spirit he had raised in a circle his wand had prov'd too weak to lay, as I
turn'd the corner of a street, I was overtaken by a young sailor. I was then in
that spruce, neat, plain dress which I ever affected, and perhaps might have, in
my trip, a certain air of restlessness unknown to the composure of cooler
thoughts. However, he seize'd me as a prize, and without farther ceremony threw
his arms round my neck and kiss'd me boisterously and sweetly. I looked at him
with a beginning of anger and indignation at his rudeness, that softened away
into other sentiments as I viewed him: for he was tall, manly carriaged,
handsome of body and face, so that I ended my stare with asking him, in a tone
turn'd to tenderness, what he meant; at which, with the same frankness and
vivacity as he had begun with me, he proposed treating me with a glass of wine.
Now, certain it is, that had I been in a calmer state of blood than I was, had I
not been under the dominion of unappeas'd irritations and desires, I should have
refused him without hesitation; but I do not know how it was, my pressing calls,
his figure, the occasion, and if you will, the powerful combination of all
these, with a start of curiosity to see the end of an adventure, so novel too as
being treated like a common street-player, made me give a silent consent; in
short, it was not my head that I now obeyed, I suffered myself to be towed along
as it were by this man-of-war, who took me under his arm as familiarly as if he
had known me all his life-time, and led me into the next convenient tavern,
where we were shown into a little room on one side of the passage. Here, scarce
allowing himself patience till the waiter brought in the wine call'd for, he
fell directly on board me: when, untucking my handkerchief, and giving me a
snatching buss, he laid my breasts bare at once, which he handled with that
keenness of lust that abridges a ceremonial ever more tiresome than pleasing on
such pressing occasions; and now, hurrying towards the main point, we found no
conveniency to our purpose, two or three disabled chairs and a rickety table
composing the whole furniture of the room. Without more ado, he plants me with
my back standing against the wall, and my petticoats up; and coming out with a
splitter indeed, made it shine, as he brandished it in my eyes; and going to
work with an impetuosity and eagerness, bred very likely by a long fast at sea,
went to give me a taste of it. I straddled, I humoured my posture, and did my
best in short to buckle to it; I took part of it in too, but still things did
not go to his thorough liking: changing then in a trice his system of battery,
he leads me to the table and with a master-hand lays my head down on the edge of
it, and, with the other canting up my petticoats and shift, bares my naked
posteriours to his blind and furious guide; it forces its way between them, and
I feeling pretty sensibly that it was not going by the right door, and knocking
desperately at the wrong one, I told him of it: - »Pooh!« says he, »my dear, any
port in a storm.« Altering, however, directly his course, and lowering his
point, he fixed it right, and driving it up with a delicious stiffness, made all
foam again, and gave me the tout with such fire and spirit, that in the fine
disposition I was in when I submitted to him, and stirr'd up so fiercely as I
was, I got the start of him, and went away into the melting swoon, and squeezing
him, whilst in the convulsive grasp of it, drew from him such a plenteous
bedewal as, join'd to my own effusion, perfectly floated those parts, and
drown'd in a deluge all my raging conflagration of desire.
    When this was over, how to make my retreat was my concern; for, though I had
been so extremely pleas'd with the difference between this warm broadside,
pour'd so briskly into me, and the tiresome pawing and toying to which I had
owed the unappeas'd flames that had driven me into this step, now I was grown
cooler, I began to apprehend the danger of contracting an acquaintance with
this, however agreeable, stranger; who, on his side, spoke of passing the
evening with me and continuing our intimacy, with an air of determination that
made me afraid of its being not so easy to get away from him as I could wish. In
the mean time I carefully conceal'd my uneasiness, and readily pretended to
consent to stay with him, telling him I should only step to my lodgings to leave
a necessary direction, and then instantly return. This he very glibly swallowed,
on the notion of my being one of those unhappy street-errants who devote
themselves to the pleasure of the first ruffian that will stoop to pick them up,
and of course, that I would scarce bilk myself of my hire, by my not returning
to make the most of the job. Thus he parted with me, not before, however, he had
order'd in my hearing a supper, which I had the barbarity to disappoint him of
my company to.
    But when I got home and told Mrs. Cole my adventure, she represented so
strongly to me the nature and dangerous consequences of my folly, particularly
the risks to my health, in being so open-legg'd and free, that I not only took
resolutions never to venture so rashly again, which I inviolably preserve'd, but
pass'd a good many days in continual uneasiness lest I should have met with
other reasons, besides the pleasure of that encounter, to remember it; but these
fears wronged my pretty sailor, for which I gladly make him this reparation.
    I had now liv'd with Mr. Norbert near a quarter of a year, in which space I
circulated my time very pleasantly between my amusements at Mrs. Cole's, and a
proper attendance on that gentleman, who paid me profusely for the unlimited
complaisance with which I passively humoured every caprice of pleasure, and
which had won upon him so greatly, that finding, as he said, all that variety in
me alone which he had sought for in a number of women, I had made him lose his
taste for inconstancy, and new faces. But what was yet at least agreeable, as
well as more flattering, the love I had inspir'd him with bred a deference to me
that was of great service to his health: for having by degrees, and with most
pathetic representations, brought him to some husbandry of it, and to insure the
duration of his pleasures by moderating their use, and correcting those excesses
in them he was so addicted to, and which had shatter'd his constitution and
destroyed his powers of life in the very point for which he seemed chiefly
desirous, to live, he was grown more delicate, more temperate, and in course
more healthy; his gratitude for which was taking a turn very favourable for my
fortune, when once more the caprice of it dash'd the cup from my lips.
    His sister, Lady L..., for whom he had a great affection, desiring him to
accompany her down to Bath for her health, he could not refuse her such a
favour; and accordingly, though he counted on staying away from me no more than
a week at farthest, he took his leave of me with an ominous heaviness of heart,
and left me a sum far above the state of his fortune, and very inconsistent with
the intended shortness of his journey; but it ended in the longest that can be,
and is never but once taken: for, arrive'd at Bath, he was not there two days
before he fell into a debauch of drinking with some gentlemen, that threw him
into a high fever and carry'd him off in four days time, never once out of a
delirium. Had he been in his senses to make a will, perhaps he might have made
favourable mention of me in it. Thus, however, I lost him; and as no condition
of life is more subject to revolutions than that of a woman of pleasure, I soon
recover'd my cheerfulness, and now beheld myself once more struck off the list
of kept-mistresses, and returned into the bosom of the community from which I
had been in some manner taken.
    Mrs. Cole still continuing her friendship, offered me her assistance and
advice towards another choice; but I was now in ease and affluence enough to
look about me at leisure; and as to any constitutional calls of pleasure, their
pressure, or sensibility, was greatly lessen'd by a consciousness of the ease
with which they were to be satisfy'd at Mrs. Cole's house, where Louisa and
Emily still continue'd in the old way; and my great favourite Harriet used often
to come and see me, and entertain me, with her head and heart full of the
happiness she enjoy'd with her dear baronet, whom she loved with tenderness, and
constancy, even though he was her keeper, and what is yet more, had made her
independent, by a handsome provision for her and hers. I was then in this
vacancy from any regular employ of my person, in my way of business, when one
day, Mrs. Cole, in the course of the constant confidence we lived in, acquainted
me that there was one Mr. Barville, who used her house, just come to town, whom
she was not a little perplex'd about providing a suitable companion for; which
was indeed a point of difficulty, as he was under the tyranny of a cruel taste:
that of an ardent desire, not only of being unmercifully whipp'd himself, but of
whipping others, in such sort, that tho' he paid extravagantly those who had the
courage and complaisance to submit to his humour, there were few, delicate as he
was in the choice of his subjects, who would exchange turns with him so terrible
at the expense of their skin. But, what yet increased the oddity of this strange
fancy was the gentleman being young; whereas it generally attacks, it seems,
such as are, through age, obliged to have recourse to this experiment, for
quickening the circulation of their sluggish juices, and determining a conflux
of the spirits of pleasure towards those flagging, shrivelly parts, that rise to
life only by virtue of those titillating ardours created by the discipline of
their opposites, with which they have so surprising a consent.
    This Mrs. Cole could not well acquaint me with, in any expectation of my
offering my service: for, sufficiently easy as I was in my circumstances, it
must have been the temptation of an immense interest indeed that could have
induced me to embrace such a job; neither had I ever express'd, nor indeed felt,
the least impulse or curiosity to know more of a taste that promise'd so much
more pain than pleasure to those that stood in no need of such violent goads:
what then should move me to subscribe myself voluntarily to a party of pain,
foreknowing it such? Why, to tell the plain truth, it was a sudden caprice, a
gust of fancy for trying a new experiment, mix'd with the vanity of proving my
personal courage to Mrs. Cole, that determined me, at all risks, to propose
myself to her, and relieve her from any farther lookout. Accordingly, I at once
pleas'd and surpris'd her with a frank and unreserved tender of my person to
her, and her friend's absolute disposal on this occasion.
    My good temporal mother was, however, so kind as to use all the arguments
she could imagine to dissuade me: but, as I found they only turn'd on a motive
of tenderness to me, I persisted in my resolution, and thereby acquitted my
offer of any suspicion of its not having been sincerely made, or out of
compliment only. Acquiescing then thankfully in it, Mrs. Cole assure'd me that
bating the pain I should be put to, she had no scruple to engage me to this
party, which she assure'd me I should be liberally paid for, and which, the
secrecy of the transaction preserved safe from the ridicule that otherwise
vulgarly attended it; that for her part, she considered pleasure, of one sort or
other, as the universal port of destination, and every wind that blew thither a
good one, provided it blew nobody any harm; that she rather compassionated, than
blam'd, those unhappy persons who are under a subjection they cannot shake off,
to those arbitrary tastes that rule their appetites of pleasures with an
unaccountable control: tastes, too, as infinitely diversify'd, as superior to,
and independent of, all reasoning as the different relishes or palates of
mankind in their viands, some delicate stomachs nauseating plain meats, and
finding no savour but in high-seasoned, luxurious dishes, whilst others again
pique themselves upon detesting them.
    I stood now in no need of this preamble of encouragement, of justification:
my word was given, and I was determin'd to fulfil my engagements. Accordingly
the night was set, and I had all the necessary previous instructions how to act
and conduct myself. The dining-room was duly prepared and lighted up, and the
young gentleman posted there in waiting, for my introduction to him.
    I was then, by Mrs. Cole, brought in, and presented to him, in a loose
dishabille fitted, by her direction, to the exercise I was to go through, all in
the finest linen and a thorough white uniform: gown, petticoat, stockings, and
satin slippers, like a victim led to sacrifice; whilst my dark auburn hair,
falling in drop-curls over my neck, created a pleasing distinction of colour
from the rest of my dress.
    As soon as Mr. Barville saw me, he got up, with a visible air of pleasure
and surprise, and saluting me, asked Mrs. Cole if it was possible that so fine
and delicate a creature would voluntarily submit to such sufferings and rigours
as were the subject of his assignation. She answer'd him properly, and now,
reading in his eyes that she could not too soon leave us together, she went out,
after recommending to him to use moderation with so tender a novice.
    But whilst she was employing his attention, mine had been taken up with
examining the figure and person of this unhappy young gentleman, who was thus
unaccountably condemn'd to have his pleasure lashed into him, as boys have their
learning.
    He was exceedingly fair, and smooth complexion'd, and appeared to me no more
than twenty at most, tho' he was three years older than what my conjectures gave
him; but then he ow'd this favourable mistake to a habit of fatness, which
spread through a short, squab stature, and a round, plump, fresh-coloured face
gave him greatly the look of a Bacchus, had not an air of austerity, not to say
sternness, very unsuitable even to his shape of face, dash'd that character of
joy, necessary to complete the resemblance. His dress was extremely neat, but
plain, and far inferior to the ample fortune he was in full possession of; this
too was a taste in him, and not avarice.
    As soon as Mrs. Cole was gone, he seated me near him, when now his face
changed upon me into an expression of the most pleasing sweetness and good
humour, the more remarkable for its sudden shift from the other extreme, which,
I found afterwards, when I knew more of his character, was owing to a habitual
state of conflict with, and dislike of himself, for being enslaved to so
peculiar a gust, by the fatality of a constitutional ascendant, that render'd
him incapable of receiving any pleasure till he submitted to these extraordinary
means of procuring it at the hands of pain, whilst the constancy of this
repining consciousness stamp'd at length that cast of sourness and severity on
his features: which was, in fact, very foreign to the natural sweetness of his
temper.
    After a competent preparation by apologies, and encouragement to go through
my part with spirit and constancy, he stood up near the fire, whilst I went to
fetch the instruments of discipline out of a closet hard by: these were several
rods, made each of two or three strong twigs of birch tied together, which he
took, handled, and view'd with as much pleasure, as I did with a kind of
shuddering presage.
    Next we took from the side of the room a long broad bench, made easy to lie
at length on by a soft cushion in a callico-cover; and every thing being now
ready, he took his coat and waistcoat off; and at his motion and desire, I
unbutton'd his breeches, and rolling up his shirt rather above his waist, tuck'd
it in securely there: when directing naturally my eyes to that humoursome
master-movement, in whose favour all these dispositions were making, it seemed
almost shrunk into his body, scarce showing its tip above the sprout of hairy
curls that clothed those parts, as you may have seen a wren peep its head out
of the grass.
    Stooping then to untie his garters, he gave them me for the use of tying him
down to the legs of the bench: a circumstance no farther necessary than, as I
suppose, it made part of the humour of the thing, since he prescribed it to
himself, amongst the rest of the ceremonial.
    I led him then to the bench, and according to my cue, play'd at forcing him
to lie down: which, after some little show of reluctance, for form-sake, he
submitted to; he was straightway extended flat upon his belly, on the bench,
with a pillow under his face; and as he thus tamely lay, I tied him slightly
hand and foot, to the legs of it; which done, his shirt remaining truss'd up
over the small of his back, I drew his breeches quite down to his knees; and now
he lay, in all the fairest, broadest display of that part of the back-view; in
which a pair of chubby, smooth-cheek'd and passing white posteriours rose
cushioning upwards from two stout, fleshful thighs, and ending their cleft, or
separation by an union at the small of the back, presented a bold mark, that
swell'd, as it were, to meet the scourge.
    Seizing now one of the rods, I stood over him, and according to his
direction, gave him in one breath, ten lashes with much good-will, and the
utmost nerve and vigour of arm that I could put to them, so as to make those
fleshy orbs quiver again under them; whilst he himself seem'd no more concern'd,
or to mind them, than a lobster would a flea-bite. In the mean time, I viewed
intently the effects of them, which to me at least appear'd surprisingly cruel:
every lash had skimmed the surface of those white cliffs, which they deeply
reddened, and lapping round the side of the furthermost from me, cut specially,
into the dimple of it such livid weals, as the blood either spun out from, or
stood in large drops on; and, from some of the cuts, I picked out even the
splinters of the rod that had stuck in the skin. Nor was this raw work to be
wonder'd at, considering the greenness of the twigs and the severity of the
infliction, whilst the whole surface of his skin was so smooth-stretched over
the hard and firm pulp of flesh that fill'd it, as to yield no play, or elusive
swagging under the stroke: which thereby took place the more plum, and cut into
the quick.
    I was however already so mov'd at the piteous sight, that I from my heart
repented the undertaking, and would willingly have given over, thinking he had
full enough; but, he encouraging and beseeching me earnestly to proceed, I gave
him ten more lashes; and then resting, survey'd the increase of bloody
appearances. And at length, steel'd to the sight by his stoutness in suffering,
I continued the discipline, by intervals, till I observe'd him wreathing and
twisting his body, in a way that I could plainly perceive was not the effect of
pain, but of some new and powerful sensation: curious to dive into the meaning
of which, in one of my pauses of intermission, I approached, as he still kept
working, and grinding his belly against the cushion under him; and, first
stroking the untouched and unhurt side of the flesh-mount next me, then softly
insinuating my hand under his thigh, felt the posture things were in forwards,
which was indeed surprising: for that machine of his, which I had, by its
appearance, taken for an impalpable, or at best a very diminutive subject, was
now, in virtue of all that smart and havoc of his skin behind, grown not only to
a prodigious stiffness of erection, but to a size that frighted even me: a
non-pareil thickness indeed! the head of it alone fill'd the utmost capacity of
my grasp. And when, as he heav'd and wriggled to and fro, in the agitation of
his strange pleasure, it came into view, it had something of the air of a round
fillet of the whitest veal, and like its owner, squab, and short in proportion
to its breadth; but when he felt my hand there, he begg'd I would go on briskly
with my jerking, or he should never arrive at the last stage of pleasure.
    Resuming then the rod and the exercise of it, I had fairly worn out three
bundles, when, after an increase of struggles and motion, and a deep sigh or
two, I saw him lie still and motionless; and now he desire'd me to desist, which
I instantly did; and proceeding to untie him, I could not but be amazed at his
passive fortitude, on viewing the skin of his butcher'd, mangled posteriours,
late so white, smooth and polish'd, now all one side of them a confused cut-work
of weals, livid flesh, gashes and gore, insomuch that when he stood up, he could
scarce walk; in short, he was in sweet-briars.
    Then I plainly perceived, on the cushion, the marks of a plenteous effusion,
and already had his sluggard member run up to its old nestling-place, and
enforced itself again, as if ashamed to show its head; which nothing, it seems,
could raise but stripes inflicted on its opposite neighbours, who were thus
constantly obliged to suffer for his caprice.
    My gentleman had now put on his clothes and recomposed himself, when giving
me a kiss, and placing me by him, he sat himself down as gingerly as possible,
with one side off the cushion, which was too sore for him to bear resting any
part of his weight on.
    Here he thank'd me for the extreme pleasure I had procured him, and seeing,
perhaps, some marks in my countenance of terror and apprehension of retaliation
on my own skin, for what I had been the instrument of his suffering in his, he
assured me, that he was ready to give up to me any engagement I might deem
myself under to stand him, as he had done me, but if that proceeded in my
consent to it, he would consider the difference of my sex, its greater delicacy
and incapacity to undergo pain. Rehearten'd at which, and piqu'd in honour, as I
thought, not to flinch so near the trial, especially as I well knew Mrs. Cole
was an eye-witness, from her stand of espial, to the whole of our transactions,
I was now less afraid of my skin than of his not furnishing me with an
opportunity of signalizing my resolution.
    Consonant to this disposition was my answer, but my courage was still more
in my head, than in my heart; and as cowards rush into the danger they fear, in
order to be the sooner rid of the pain of that sensation, I was entirely pleas'd
with his hastening matters into execution.
    He had then little to do, but to unloose the strings of my petticoats, and
lift them, together with my shift, navel-high, where he just tuck'd them up
loosely girt, and might be splipped up higher at pleasure. Then viewing me round
with great seeming delight, he laid me at length on my face upon the bench, and
when I expected he would tie me, as I had done him, and held out my hands, not
without fear and a little trembling, he told me he would by no means terrify me
unnecessarily with such a confinement; for that though he meant to put my
constancy to some trial, the standing it was to be completely voluntary on my
side, and therefore I might be at full liberty to get up whenever I found the
pain too much for me. You cannot imagine how much I thought myself bound, by
being thus allow'd to remain loose, and how much spirit this confidence in me
gave me, so that I was even from my heart careless how much my flesh might
suffer in honour of it.
    All my back parts, naked half way up, were now fully at his mercy: and
first, he stood at a convenient distance, delighting himself with a gloating
survey of the attitude I lay in, and of all the secret stores I thus expos'd to
him in fair display. Then, springing eagerly towards me, he cover'd all those
naked parts with a fond profusion of kisses; and now, taking hold of the rod,
rather wanton'd with me, in gentle inflictions on those tender trembling masses
of my flesh behind, than in any way hurt them, till by degrees, he began to
tingle them with smarter lashes, so as to provoke a red colour into them, which
I knew, as well by the flagrant glow I felt there, as by his telling me, they
now emulated the native roses of my other cheeks. When he had thus amus'd
himself with admiring and toying with them, he went on to strike harder, and
more hard; so that I needed all my patience not to cry out, or complain at
least. At last, he twigg'd me so smartly as to fetch blood in more than one
lash: at sight of which he flung down the rod, flew to me, kissed away the
starting drops, and sucking the wounds eased a good deal of my pain. But now
raising me on my knees, and making me kneel with them straddling wide, that
tender part of me, naturally the province of pleasure, not of pain, came in for
its share of suffering: for now, eyeing it wistfully, he directed the rod so
that the sharp ends of the twigs lighted there, so sensibly, that I could not
help wincing, and writhing my limbs with smart; so that my contortions of body
must necessarily throw it into infinite variety of postures and points of view,
fit to feast the luxury of the eye. But still I bore every thing without crying
out: when presently giving me another pause, he rush'd, as it were, on that part
whose lips, and roundabout, had felt this cruelty, and by way of reparation,
glews his own to them; then he opened, shut, squeez'd them, pluck'd softly the
overgrowing moss, and all this in a style of wild passionate rapture and
enthusiasm, that express'd excess of pleasure; till betaking himself to the rod
again, encourage'd by my passiveness, and infuriated with this strange taste of
delight, he made my poor posteriours pay for the ungovernableness of it; for now
showing them no quarter the traitor cut me so, that I wanted but little of
fainting away, when he gave over. And yet I did not utter one groan, or angry
expostulation; but in heart I resolve'd nothing so seriously, as never to expose
myself again to the like severities.
    You may guess then in what a curious pickle those soft flesh-cushions of
mine were, all sore, raw, and in fine, terribly clawed off; but so far from
feeling any pleasure in it, that the recent smart made me pout a little, and not
with the greatest air of satisfaction receive the compliments, and
after-caresses of the author of my pain.
    As soon as my clothes were huddled on in a little decency, a supper was
brought in by the discreet Mrs. Cole herself, which might have piqued the
sensuality of a cardinal, accompanied with a choice of the richest wines: all
which she set before us, and went out again, without having, by a word or even
by a smile, given us the least interruption or confusion, in those moments of
secrecy, that we were not yet ripe to the admission of a third to.
    I sat down then, still scarce in charity with my butcher, for such I could
not help considering him, and was more-over not a little piqued at the gay,
satisfied air of his countenance, which I thought myself insulted by. But when
the now necessary refreshment to me of a glass of wine, a little eating (all the
time observing a profound silence) had somewhat cheer'd and restor'd me to
spirits, and as the smart began to go off, my good humour return'd accordingly:
which alteration not escaping him, he said and did everything that could confirm
me in, and indeed exalt it.
    But scarce was supper well over, before a change so incredible was wrought
in me, such violent, yet pleasingly irksome sensations took possession of me
that I scarce knew how to contain myself; the smart of the lashes was now
converted into such a prickly heat, such fiery tinglings, as made me sigh,
squeeze my thighs together, shift and wriggle about my seat, with a furious
restlessness; whilst these itching ardours, thus excited in those parts on which
the storm of discipline had principally fallen, detach'd legions of burning,
subtle, stimulating spirits, to their opposite spot and centre of assemblage,
where their titillation rag'd so furiously, that I was even stinging mad with
them. No wonder then, that in such a taking, and devour'd by flames that licked
up all modesty and reserve, my eyes, now charge'd brimful of the most intense
desire, fired on my companion very intelligible signals of distress: my
companion, I say, who grew in them every instant more amiable, and more
necessary to my urgent wishes and hopes of immediate ease.
    Mr. Barville, no stranger by experience to these situations, soon knew the
pass I was brought to, soon perceive'd my extreme disorder; in favour of which,
removing the table out of the way, he began a prelude that flatter'd me with
instant relief, to which I was not, however, so near as I imagine'd: for as he
was unbuttoned to me, and tried to provoke and rouse to action his unactive
torpid machine, he blushingly own'd that no good was to be expected from it
unless I took it in hand to re-excite its languid loitering powers, by just
refreshing the smart of the yet recent blood-raw cuts, seeing it could, no more
than a boy's top, keep up without lashing. Sensible then that I should work as
much for my own profit as his, I hurried my compliance with his desire, and
abridging the ceremonial, whilst he lean'd his head against the back of a chair,
I had scarce gently made him feel the lash, before I saw the object of my wishes
give signs of life, and presently, as it were with a magic touch, it started up
into a noble size and distinction indeed! Hastening then to give me the benefit
of it, he threw me down on the bench; but such was the refresh'd soreness of
those parts behind, on my leaning so hard on them, as became me to compass the
admission of that stupendous head of his machine, that I could not possibly bear
it. I got up then, and tried, by leaning forwards and turning the crupper on my
assailant, to let him at the back avenue: but here it was likewise impossible to
stand his bearing so fiercely against me, in his agitations and endeavours to
enter that way, whilst his belly battered directly against the recent sore. What
should we do now? both intolerably heated; both in a fury; but pleasure is ever
inventive for its own ends: he strips me in a trice, stark naked, and placing a
broad settee-cushion on the carpet before the fire, oversets me gently,
topsy-turvy, on it; and handling me only at the waist, whilst you may be sure I
favour'd all my dispositions, brought my legs round his neck; so that my head
was kept from the floor only by my hands and the velvet cushion, which was now
bespread with my flowing hair: thus I stood on my head and hands, supported by
him in such manner, that whilst my thighs clung round him, so as to expose to
his sight all my back figure, including the theatre of his bloody pleasure, the
centre of my fore part fairly bearded the object of its rage, that now stood in
fine condition to give me satisfaction for the injuries of its neighbours. But
as this posture was certainly not the easiest, and our imaginations, wound up to
the height, could suffer no delay, he first, with the utmost eagerness and
effort, just lip-lodge'd that broad acorn-fashion'd head of his instrument; and
still frenzied by the fury with which he had made that impression, he soon
stuffed in the rest; when now, with a pursuit of thrusts, fiercely urg'd, he
absolutely overpower'd and absorb'd all sense of pain and uneasiness, whether
from my wounds behind, my most untoward posture, or the oversize of his
stretcher, in an infinitely predominant delight; when now all my whole spirits
of life and sensation, rushing impetuously to the cock-pit, where the prize of
pleasure was hotly in dispute and clustering to a point there, I soon receive'd
the dear relief of nature from these over-violent strains and provocations of
it; harmonizing with which, my gallant spouted into me such a potent overflow of
the balsamic injection, as soften'd and unedg'd all those irritating stings of a
new species of titillation, which I had been so intolerably madden'd with, and
restor'd the ferment of my senses to some degree of composure.
    I had now achiev'd this rare adventure ultimately much more to my
satisfaction than I had bespoken the nature of it to turn out; nor was it much
lessen'd, you may think, by my spark's lavish praises of my constancy and
complaisance, which he gave weight to by a present that greatly surpassed my
utmost expectation, besides his gratification to Mrs. Cole.
    I was not, however, at any time, re-enticed to renew with him, or resort
again to the violent expedient of lashing nature into more haste than good
speed: which, by the way, I conceive acts somewhat in the manner of a dose of
Spanish flies; with more pain perhaps, but less danger; and might be necessary
to him, but was nothing less so than to me, whose appetite wanted the bridle
more than the spur.
    Mrs. Cole, to whom this adventurous exploit had more and more endear'd me,
looked on me now as a girl after her own heart, afraid of nothing, and, on a
good account, hardy enough to fight all the weapons of pleasure through.
Attentive then, in consequence of these favourable conceptions, to promote
either my profit or pleasure, she had special regard for the first, in a new
gallant of a very singular turn, that she procur'd for and introduced to me.
    This was a grave, staid, solemn, elderly gentleman whose peculiar humour was
a delight in combing fine tresses of hair; and as I was perfectly headed to his
taste, he us'd to come constantly at my toilette hours, when I let down my hair
as loose as nature, and abandon'd it to him to do what he pleased with it; and
accordingly he would keep me an hour or more in play with it, drawing the comb
through it, winding the curls round his fingers, even kissing it as he smooth'd
it; and all this led to no other use of my person, or any other liberties
whatever, any more than if a distinction of sexes had not existed.
    Another peculiarity of taste he had, which was to present me with a dozen
pairs of the whitest kid gloves at a time: these he would divert himself with
drawing on me, and then biting off the fingers' ends; all which fooleries of a
sickly appetite, the old gentleman paid more liberally for than most others did
for more essential favours. This lasted till a violent cough, seizing and laying
him up, deliver'd me from this most innocent and insipid trifler, for I never
heard more of him after his first retreat.
    You may be sure a by-job of this sort interfer'd with no other pursuit, or
plan of life; which I led, in truth, with a modesty and reserve that was less
the work of virtue than of exhausted novelty, a glut of pleasure, and easy
circumstances, that made me indifferent to any engagements in which pleasure and
profit were not eminently united; and such I could, with the less impatience,
wait for at the hands of time and fortune, as I was satisfy'd I could never mend
my pennyworths, having evidently been serve'd at the top of market, and even been
pamper'd with dainties: besides that, in the sacrifice of a few momentary
impulses, I found a secret satisfaction in respecting myself, as well as
preserving the life and freshness of my complexion. Louisa and Emily did not
carry indeed their reserve so high as I did; but still they were far from cheap
or abandon'd tho' two of their adventures seem'd to contradict this general
character, which, for their singularity, I shall give you in course, beginning
first with Emily's:
    Louisa and she went one night to a ball, the first in the habit of a
shepherdess, Emily in that of a shepherd: I saw them in their dresses before
they went, and nothing in nature could represent a prettier boy than this last
did, being so fair and well limbed. They had kept together for some time, when
Louisa, meeting an old acquaintance of hers, very cordially gives her companion
the drop, and leaves her under the protection of her boy's habit, which was not
much, and of her discretion, which was, it seems, still less. Emily, finding
herself deserted, sauntered thoughtless about a-while, and, as much for coolness
and air as anything else, at length pull'd off her mask and went to the
sideboard; where, eyed and mark'd out by a gentleman in a very handsome domino,
she was accosted by, and fell into chat with him. The domino, after a little
discourse, in which Emily doubtless distinguish'd her good nature and easiness
more than her wit, began to make violent love to her, and drawing her insensibly
to some benches at the lower end of the masquerade room, for her to sit by him,
where he squeez'd her hands, pinch'd her cheeks, prais'd and played with her
fine hair, admired her complexion, and all in a style of courtship dash'd with a
certain oddity, that not comprehending the mystery of, poor Emily attributed to
his falling in with the humour of her disguise; and being naturally not the
cruellest of her profession, began to incline to a parley on those essentials.
But here was the stress of the joke: he took her really for what she appear'd to
be, a smock-fac'd boy; and she, forgetting her dress, and of course ranging
quite wide of his ideas, took all those addresses to be paid to herself as a
woman, which she precisely owed to his not thinking her one. However, this
double error was push'd to such a height on both sides, that Emily, who saw
nothing in him but a gentleman of distinction by those points of dress to which
his disguise did not extend, warmed too by the wine he had ply'd her with, and
the caresses he had lavished upon her, suffered herself to be persuaded to go to
a bagnio with him; and thus, losing sight of Mrs. Cole's cautions, with a blind
confidence, put herself into his hands, to be carried wherever he pleased. For
his part, equally blinded by his wishes, whilst her egregious simplicity
favoured his deception more than the most exquisite art could have done, he
supposed, no doubt, that he had lighted on some soft simpleton, fit for his
purpose, or some kept minion broken to his hand, who understood him perfectly
well and enter'd into his designs. But, be that as it would, he led her to a
coach, went into it with her, and brought her to a very handsome apartment, with
a bed in it; but whether it was a bagnio or not, she could not tell, having
spoken to nobody but himself. But when they were alone together, and her
enamorato began to proceed to those extremities which instantly discover the
sex, she remark'd that no description could paint up to the life the mixture of
pique, confusion and disappointment that appeared in his countenance, joined to
the mournful exclamation: »By heavens, a woman!« This at once opened her eyes,
which had hitherto been shut in downright stupidity. However, as if he had meant
to retrieve that escape, he still continue'd to toy with and fondle her, but with
so staring an alteration from extreme warmth into a chill and forced civility,
that even Emily herself could not but take notice of it, and now began to wish
she had paid more regard to Mrs. Cole's premonitions against ever engaging with
a stranger. And now an excess of timidity succeeded to an excess of confidence,
and she thought herself so much at his mercy and discretion, that she stood
passive throughout the whole progress of his prelude: for now, whether the
impressions of so great a beauty had even made him forgive her her sex, or
whether her appearance of figure in that dress still humour'd his first
illusion, he recover'd by degrees a good part of his first warmth, and keeping
Emily with her breeches still unbuttoned, stripped them down to her knees, and
gently impelling her to lean down, with her face against the bedside, placed her
so, that the double way, between the double rising behind, presented the choice
fair to him, and he was so fairly set on a mis-direction, as to give the girl no
small alarms for fear of losing a maidenhead she had not dreamt of. However, her
complaints, and a resistance, gentle, but firm, check'd and brought him to
himself again; so that turning his steed's head, he drove him at length in the
right road, in which his imagination having probably made the most of those
resemblances that flatter'd his taste, he got, with much ado, to his journey's
end: after which, he led her out himself, and walking with her two or three
streets' length, got her a chair, when making her a present not any thing
inferior to what she could have expected, he left her, well recommended to the
chairmen, who, on her directions, brought her home.
    This she related to Mrs. Cole and me the same morning, not without the
visible remains of the fear and confusion she had been in still stamp'd on her
countenance. Mrs. Cole's remark was that her indiscretion proceeding from a
constitutional facility, there were little hopes of any thing curing her of it,
but repeated severe experience. Mine was that I could not conceive how it was
possible for mankind to run into a taste, not only universally odious, but
absurd, and impossible to gratify; since, according to the notions and
experience I had of things, it was not in nature to force such immense
disproportions. Mrs. Cole only smile'd at my ignorance, and said nothing towards
my undeception, which was not affected but by ocular demonstration, some months
after, which a most singular accident furnish'd me, and which I will here set
down, that I may not return again to so disagreeable a subject.
    I had, on a visit intended to Harriet, who had taken lodgings at
Hampton-court, hired a chariot to go out thither, Mrs. Cole having promise'd to
accompany me; but some indispensable business intervening to detain her, I was
obliged to set out alone; and scarce had I got a third of my way, before the
axle-tree broke down, and I was well off to get out, safe and unhurt, into a
public-house of a tolerable handsome appearance, on the road. Here the people
told me that the stage would come by in a couple of hours at farthest; upon
which, determining to wait for it, sooner than lose the jaunt I had got so far
forward on, I was carried into a very clean decent room, up one pair of stairs,
which I took possession of for the time I had to stay, in right of calling for
sufficient to do the house justice.
    Here, whilst I was amusing myself with looking out of the window, a single
horse-chaise stopped at the door, out of which lightly leap'd two gentlemen, for
so they seem'd, who came in only as it were to bait and refresh a little, for
they gave their horse to be held in readiness against they came out. And
presently I heard the door of the next room, where they were let in, and call'd
about them briskly; and as soon as they were serve'd, I could just hear that they
shut and fastened the door on the inside.
    A spirit of curiosity, far from sudden, since I do not know when I was
without it, prompted me, without any particular suspicion, or other drift or
view, to see what they were, and examine their persons and behaviour. The
partition of our rooms was one of those moveable ones that, when taken down,
serve'd occasionally to lay them into one, for the conveniency of a large
company; and now, my nicest search could not show me the shadow of a peep-hole,
a circumstance which probably had not escape'd the review of the parties on the
other side, whom much it stood upon not to be deceived in it; but at length I
observed a paper patch of the same colour as the wainscot, which I took to
conceal some flaw: but then it was so high, that I was obliged to stand upon a
chair to reach it, which I did as softly as possibly, and, with a point of a
bodkin, soon pierc'd it. And now, applying my eye close, I commanded the room
perfectly, and could see my two young sparks romping and pulling one another
about, entirely, to my imagination, in frolic and innocent play.
    The eldest might be, on my nearest guess, towards nineteen, a tall comely
young man, in a white fustian frock, with a green velvet cape, and a cut
bob-wig.
    The youngest could not be above seventeen, fair, ruddy, completely well
made, and to say the truth, a sweet pretty stripling: he was - I fancy, too, a
country-lad, by his dress, which was a green plush frock and breeches of the
same, white waistcoat and stockings, a jockey cap, with his yellowish hair, long
and loose, in natural curls.
    But after a look of circumspection, which I saw the eldest cast every way
round the room, probably in too much hurry and heat not to overlook the very
small opening I was posted at, especially at the height it was, whilst my eye
close to it kept the light from shining through and betraying it, he said
something to his companion that presently chang'd the face of things.
    For now the elder began to embrace, to press and kiss the younger, to put
his hands into his bosom, and give him such manifest signs of an amorous
intention, as made me conclude the other to be a girl in disguise: a mistake
that nature kept me in countenance for, for she had certainly made one, when she
gave him the male stamp.
    In the rashness then of their age, and bent as they were to accomplish their
project of preposterous pleasure, at the risk of the very worst of consequences,
where a discovery was nothing less than improbable, they now proceeded to such
lengths as soon satisfied me what they were.
    The criminal scene they acted, I had the patience to see to an end, purely
that I might gather more facts and certainty against them in my design to do
their deserts instance justice; and accordingly, when they had readjusted
themselves, and were preparing to go out, burning as I was with rage and
indignation, I jumped down from the chair, in order to raise the house upon
them, but with such an unlucky impetuosity, that some nail or ruggedness in the
floor caught my foot, and flung me on my face with such violence that I fell
senseless on the ground, and must have lain there some time e'er any one came to
my relief: so that they, alarmed, I suppose, by the noise of my fall, had more
than the necessary time to make a safe retreat. This they effected, as I learnt,
with a precipitation nobody could account for, till, when come to myself, and
compos'd enough to speak, I acquainted those of the house with the whole
transaction I had been evidence to.
    When I came home again, and told Mrs. Cole this adventure, she very sensibly
observe'd to me that there was no doubt of due vengeance one time or other
overtaking these miscreants, however they might escape for the present; and
that, had I been the temporal instrument of it, I should have been at least put
to a great deal more trouble and confusion than I imagined; that, as to the
thing itself, the less said of it was the better; but that though she might be
suspected of partiality, from its being the common cause of woman-kind, out of
whose mouths this practice tended to take something more than bread, yet she
protested against any mixture of passion, with a declaration extorted from her
by pure regard to truth; which was that whatever effect this infamous passion
had in other ages and other countries, it seem'd a peculiar blessing on our air
and climate, that there was a plague-spot visibly imprinted on all that are
tainted with it, in this nation at least; for that among numbers of that stamp
whom she had known, or at least were universally under the scandalous suspicion
of it, she would not name an exception hardly of one of them, whose character
was not, in all other respects, the most worthless and despicable that could be,
stripped of all the manly virtues of their own sex, and fill'd up with only the
worst vices and follies of ours: that, in fine, they were scarce less execrable
than ridiculous in their monstrous inconsistence, of loathing and condemning
women, and all at the same time apeing all their manners, airs, lips, skuttle,
and, in general, all their little modes of affectation, which become them at
least better than they do these unsex'd male-misses.
    But here, washing my hands of them, I re-plunge into the stream of my
history, into which I may very properly ingraft a terrible sally of Louisa's,
since I had some share in it myself, and have besides engage'd myself to relate
it, in point of countenance to poor Emily. It will add, too, one more example to
thousands, in confirmation of the maxim that when women get once out of compass,
there are no lengths of licentiousness that they are not capable of running.
    One morning then, that both Mrs. Cole and Emily were gone out for the day,
and only Louisa and I (not to mention the house-maid) were left in charge of the
house, whilst we were loitering away the time in looking through the shop
windows, the son of a poor woman, who earned very hard bread indeed by mending
of stockings, in a stall in the neighbourhood, offer'd us some nosegays, ring'd
round a small basket; by selling of which the poor boy eked out his mother's
maintenance of them both: nor was he fit for any other way of livelihood, since
he was not only a perfect changeling, or idiot, but stammer'd so that there was
no understanding even those sounds his half-dozen, at most, animal ideas
prompted him to utter.
    The boys and servants in the neighbourhood had given him the nick-name of
Good-natured Dick, from the soft simpleton's doing everything he was bid at the
first word, and from his naturally having no turn to mischief; then, by the way,
he was perfectly well made, stout, clean-limb'd, tall of his age, as strong as a
horse and, withal, pretty featur'd; so that he was not, absolutely, such a
figure to be snuffled at neither, if your nicety could, in favour of such
essentials, have dispens'd with a face unwashed, hair tangled for want of
combing, and so ragged a plight, that he might have disputed points of show with
e'er a heathen philosopher of them all.
    This boy we had often seen, and bought his flowers, out of pure compassion,
and nothing more; but just at this time as he stood presenting us his basket, a
sudden whim, a start of wayward fancy, seize'd Louisa; and, without consulting
me, she calls him in, and beginning to examine his nosegays, culls out two, one
for herself, another for me, and pulling out half a crown, very currently gives
it him to change, as if she had really expected he could have changed it: but
the boy, scratching his head, made his signs explaining his inability in place
of words, which he could not, with all his struggling, articulate.
    Louisa, at this, says: »Well, my lad, come up-stairs with me, and I will
give you your due,« winking at the same time to me, and beckoning me to
accompany her, which I did, securing first the street-door, that by this means,
together with the shop, became wholly the care of the faithful house-maid.
    As we went up, Louisa whispered to me that she had conceiv'd a strange
longing to be satisfy'd, whether the general rule held good with regard to this
changeling, and how far nature had made him amends, in her best bodily gifts,
for her denial of the sublimer intellectual ones; begging, at the same time, my
assistance in procuring her this satisfaction. A want of complaisance was never
my vice, and I was so far from opposing this extravagant frolic, that now, bit
with the same maggot, and my curiosity conspiring with hers, I enter'd plum into
it, on my own account.
    Consequently, as soon as we came into Louisa's bedchamber, whilst she was
amusing him with picking out his nosegays, I undertook the lead, and began the
attack. As it was not then very material to keep much measures with a mere
natural, I made presently very free with him, though at my first motion of
meddling, his surprise and confusion made him receive my advances but awkwardly:
nay, insomuch that he bashfully shy'd, and shy'd back a little; till encouraging
him with my eyes, plucking him playfully by the hair, sleeking his cheeks, and
forwarding my point by a number of little wantonness, I soon turn'd him
familiar, and gave nature her sweetest alarm: so that arous'd, and beginning to
feel himself, we could, amidst all the innocent laugh and grin I had provoked
him into, perceive the fire lighting in his eyes, and, diffusing over his
cheeks, blend its glow with that of his blushes. The emotion in short of animal
pleasure glar'd distinctly in the simpleton's countenance; yet, struck with the
novelty of the scene, he did not know which way to look or move; but tame,
passive, simpering, with his mouth half open in stupid rapture, stood and
tractably suffer'd me to do what I pleased with him. His basket was dropped out of
his hands, which Louisa took care of.
    I had now, through more than one rent, discovered and felt his thighs, the
skin of which seemed the smoother and fairer for the coarseness, and even dirt
of his dress, as the teeth of Negroes seem the whiter for the surrounding black;
and poor indeed of habit, poor of understanding, he was, however, abundantly
rich in personal treasures, such as flesh, firm, plump, and replete with the
juices of youth, and robust well-knit limbs. My fingers too had now got within
reach of the true, the genuine sensitive plant, which, instead of shrinking from
the touch, joys to meet it, and swells and vegetates under it: mine pleasingly
informed me that matters were so ripe for the discovery we meditated, that they
were too mighty for the confinement they were ready to break. A waistband that I
unskewer'd, and a rag of a shirt that I removed, and which could not have
cover'd a quarter of it, revealed the whole of the idiot's standard of
distinction, erect, in full pride and display: but such a one! it was positively
of so tremendous a size, that prepared as we were to see something
extraordinary, it still, out of measure, surpass'd our expectation, and
astonish'd even me, who had not been used to trade in trifles. In fine, it might
have answered very well the making a show of; its enormous head seemed, in hue
and size, not unlike a common sheep's heart; then you might have troll'd dice
securely along the broad back of the body of it; the length of it too was
prodigious; then the rich appendage of the treasure-bag beneath, large in
proportion, gather'd and crisp'd up round in shallow furrows, helped to fill the
eye, and complete the proof of his being a natural, not quite in vain; since it
was full manifest that he inherited, and largely too, the prerogative of majesty
which distinguishes that otherwise most unfortunate condition, and gives rise to
the vulgar saying »A fool's bauble is a lady's play-fellow.« Not wholly without
reason: for, generally speaking, it is in love as it is in war, where longest
weapon carries it. Nature, in short, had done so much for him in those parts,
that she perhaps held herself acquitted in doing so little for his head.
    For my part, who had sincerely no intention to push the joke further than
simply satisfying my curiosity with the sight of it alone, I was content, in
spite of the temptation that star'd me in the face, with having raise'd a Maypole
for another to hang a garland on: for, by this time, easily reading Louisa's
desires in her wishful eyes, I acted the commodious part and made her, who
sought no better sport, significant terms of encouragement to go through-stitch
with her adventure; intimating too that I would stay and see fair play: in
which, indeed, I had in view to humour a new-born curiosity, to observe what
appearances active nature would put on in a natural, in the course of this her
darling operation.
    Louisa, whose appetite was up, and who, like the industrious bee, was, it
seems, not above gathering the sweets of so rare a flower, tho' she found it
planted on a dunghill, was but too readily disposed to take the benefit of my
cession. Urg'd then strongly by her own desires, and embolden'd by me, she
presently determined to risk a trial of parts with the idiot, who was by this
time nobly inflam'd for her purpose, by all the irritations we had used to put
the principles of pleasure effectually into motion, and to wind up the springs
of its organ to their supreme pitch; and it stood accordingly stiff and
straining, ready to burst with the blood and spirits that swelled it ... to a
bulk! No! I shall never forget it.
    Louisa then, taking and holding the fine handle that so invitingly offer'd
itself, led the ductile youth by that master-tool of his, as she stepped backward
towards the bed; which he joyfully gave way to, under the incitations of
instinct and palpably deliver'd up to the goad of desire.
    Stopped then by the bed, she took the fall she love'd, and lean'd to the
most, gently backward upon it, still holding fast what she held, and taking care
to give her clothes a convenient toss up, so that her thighs duly disclos'd, and
elevated, laid open all the outward prospect of the treasury of love: the
rose-lipt overture presenting the cock-pit so fair, that it was not in nature
even for a natural to miss it. Nor did he: for Louisa, fully bent on grappling
with it, and impatient of dalliance or delay, directed faithfully the point of
the battering-piece, and bounded up with a rage of so voracious appetite, to
meet and favour the thrust of insertion, that the fierce activity on both sides
effected it with such pain of distention, that Louisa cry'd out violently that
she was hurt beyond bearing, that she was killed. But it was too late: the storm
was up, and force was on her to give way to it; for now the man-machine,
strongly work'd upon by the sensual passion, felt so manfully his advantages and
superiority, felt withal the sting of pleasure so intolerable, that maddening
with it, his joys began to assume a character of furiousness which made me
tremble for the too tender Louisa. He seemed, at this juncture, greater than
himself; his countenance, before so void of meaning, or expression, now grew big
with the importance of the act he was upon. In short, it was not now that he was
to be play'd the fool with. But, what is pleasant enough, I myself was aw'd into
a sort of respect for him, by the comely terrors his motions dressed him in: his
eyes shooting sparks of fire; his face glowing with ardours that gave another
life to it; his teeth churning; his whole frame agitated with a raging
ungovernable impetuosity: all sensibly betraying the formidable fierceness with
which the genial instinct acted upon him. Butting then and goring all before
him, and mad and wild like an over-driven steer, he ploughs up the tender
furrow, all insensible to Louisa's complaints; nothing can stop, nothing can
keep out a fury like his: with which, having once got its head in, its blind
rage soon made way for the rest, piercing, rending, and breaking open all
obstructions. The torn, split, wounded girl cries, struggles, invokes me to her
rescue, and endeavours to get from under the young savage, or shake him off, but
alas! in vain: her breath might as soon have still'd or stemm'd a storm in
winter, as all her strength have quell'd his rough assault, or put him out of
his course. And indeed, all her efforts and struggles were manage'd with such
disorder, that they serve'd rather to entangle, and fold her the faster in the
twine of his boisterous arms; so that she was tied to the stake, and oblige'd to
fight the match out, if she died for it. For his part, instinct-ridden as he
was, the expressions of his animal passion, partaking something of ferocity,
were rather worrying than kisses, intermix'd with eager ravenous love-bites on
her cheeks and neck, the prints of which did not wear out for some days after.
    Poor Louisa, however, bore up at length better than could have been
expected; and though she suffer'd, and greatly too, yet, ever true to the good
old cause, she suffer'd with pleasure and enjoyed her pain. And soon now, by
dint of an enrag'd enforcement, the brute-machine, driven like a whirl-wind,
made all smoke again, and wedging its way up, to the utmost extremity, left her,
in point of penetration, nothing to fear or to desire: and now,
 
            »Gorg'd with the dearest morsel of the earth,«
                                                                  (Shakespeare.)
 
Louisa lay, pleas'd to the heart, pleas'd to her utmost capacity of being so,
with every fibre in those parts, stretched almost to breaking, on a rack of joy,
whilst the instrument of all this overfulness searched her senses with its sweet
excess, till the pleasure gained upon her so, its point stung her so home, that
catching at length the rage from her furious driver and sharing the riot of his
wild rapture, she went wholly out of her mind into that favourite part of her
body, the whole intenseness of which was so fervously fill'd, and employ'd:
there alone she existed, all lost in those delirious transports, those extasies
of the senses, which her winking eyes, the brighten'd vermilion of her lips and
cheeks, and sighs of pleasure deeply fetched, so pathetically express'd. In
short, she was now as mere a machine as much wrought on, and had her motions as
little at her own command as the natural himself, who thus broke in upon her,
made her feel with a vengeance his tempestuous tenderness, and the force of the
mettle he battered with; their active loins quivered again with the violence of
their conflict, till the surge of pleasure, foaming and raging to a height, drew
down the pearly shower that was to allay this hurricane. The purely sensitive
idiot then first shed those tears of joy that attend its last moments, not
without an agony of delight, and even almost a roar of rapture, as the gush
escaped him; so sensibly too for Louisa, that she kept him faithful company,
going off, in consent, with the old symptoms: a delicious delirium, a tremulous
convulsive shudder, and the critical dying Oh! And now, on his getting off, she
lay pleasure-drench'd, and re-gorging its essential sweets; but quite spent, and
gasping for breath, without other sensation of life than in those exquisite
vibrations that trembled yet on the strings of delight, which had been too
intensively touched, and which nature had been so intensly stirred with, for the
senses to be quickly at peace from.
    As for the changeling, whose curious engine had been thus successfully
played off, his shift of countenance and gesture had even something droll, or
rather tragi-comic in it: there was now an air of sad repining foolishness,
super-added to his natural one of no-meaning and idiotism, as he stood with his
label of manhood, now lank, unstiffen'd, becalm'd, and flapping against his
thighs, down which it reach'd half-way, terrible even in its fall, whilst under
the dejection of spirit and flesh, which naturally followed, his eyes, by turns,
cast down towards his struck standard, or piteously lifted to Louisa, seemed to
require at her hands what he had so sensibly parted from to her, and now
ruefully miss'd. But the vigour of nature, soon returning, dissipated the blast
of faintness which the common law of enjoyment had subjected him to; and now his
basket re-became his main concern, which I look'd for, and brought him, whilst
Louisa restor'd his dress to its usual condition, and afterwards pleased him
perhaps more by taking all his flowers off his hands, and paying him, at his
rate, for them, than if she had embarrass'd him by a present that he would have
been puzzled to account for, and might have put others on tracing the motives
of.
    Whether she ever return'd to the attack I know not, and, to say the truth, I
believe not. She had had her freak out, and had pretty plentifully drown'd her
curiosity in a glut of pleasure, which, as it happened, had no other consequence
than that the lad, who retain'd only a confused memory of the transaction,
would, when he saw her, for some time after, express a grin of joy and
familiarity, after his idiot manner, and soon forgot her in favour of the next
woman, tempted, on the report of his parts, to take him in.
    Louisa herself did not long outstay this adventure at Mrs. Cole's (to whom,
by-the-bye, we took care not to boast of our exploit, till all fear of
consequences were clearly over): for an occasion presenting itself of proving
her passion for a young fellow, at the expense of her discretion, proceeding all
in character, she pack'd up her toilet at half a day's warning and went with him
abroad, since which I entirely lost sight of her, and it never fell in my way to
hear what became of her.
    But a few days after she had left us, two very pretty young gentlemen, who
were Mrs. Cole's especial favourites, and free of her academy, easily obtain'd
her consent for Emily's and my acceptance of a party of pleasure, at a little
but agreeable house belonging to one of them, situated not far up the river
Thames, on the Surry side.
    Everything being settled, and it being a fine summer-day, but rather of the
warmest, we set out after dinner, and got to our rendez-vous about four in the
afternoon; where, landing at the foot of a neat, joyous pavilion, Emily and I
were handed into it by our squires, and there drank tea with a cheerfulness and
gaiety that the beauty of the prospect, the serenity of the weather, and the
tender politeness of our sprightly gallants naturally led us into.
    After tea, and taking a turn in the garden, my particular, who was the
master of the house, and had in no sense schem'd this party of pleasure for a
dry one, propos'd to us, with that frankness which his familiarity at Mrs.
Cole's entitled him to, as the weather was excessively hot, to bathe together,
under a commodious shelter that he had prepared expressly for that purpose, in a
creek of the river, with which a side-door of the pavilion immediately
communicated, and where we might be sure of having our diversion out, safe from
interruption, and with the utmost privacy.
    Emily, who never refuse'd anything, and I, who ever delighted in bathing, and
had no exception to the person who propos'd it, or to those pleasures it was
easy to guess it implied, took care, on this occasion, not to wrong our training
at Mrs. Cole's, and agreed to it with as good a grace as we could. Upon which,
without loss of time, we return'd instantly to the pavilion, one door of which
open'd into a tent, pitch'd before it, that with its marquise, formed a pleasing
defence against the sun, or the weather, and was besides as private as we could
wish. The lining of it, imbossed cloth, represented a wild forest-foliage, from
the top down to the sides, which, in the same stuff, were figur'd with fluted
pilasters, with their spaces between fill'd with flower-vases, the whole having
a gay effect upon the eye, wherever you turn'd it.
    Then it reached sufficiently into the water, yet contain'd convenient
benches round it, on the dry ground, either to keep our clothes, or ..., or ...,
in short, for more uses than resting upon. There was a side-table too, loaded
with sweetmeats, jellies, and other eatables, and bottles of wine and cordials,
by way of occasional relief from any rawness, or chill of the water, or from any
faintness from whatever cause; and in fact, my gallant, who understood chère
entiêre perfectly, and who, for taste (even if you would not approve this
specimen of it) might have been comptroller of pleasures to a Roman emperor, had
left no requisite towards convenience or luxury unprovided.
    As soon as we had look'd round this inviting spot, and every preliminary of
privacy was duly settled, strip was the word: when the young gentlemen soon
dispatch'd the undressing each his partner and reduced us to the naked
confession of all those secrets of person which dress generally hides, and which
the discovery of was, naturally speaking, not to our disadvantage. Our hands,
indeed, mechanically carried towards the most interesting part of us, screened,
at first, all from the tufted cliff downwards, till we took them away at their
desire, and employed them in doing them the same office, of helping off with
their clothes; in the process of which, there pass'd all the little wantonnesses
and frolicks that you may easily imagine.
    As for my spark, he was presently undressed, all to his shirt, the
fore-lappet of which as he lean'd languishingly on me, he smilingly pointed to
me to observe, as it bellied out, or rose and fell, according to the unruly
starts of the motion behind it; but it was soon fix'd, for now taking off his
shirt, and naked as a Cupid, he show'd it me at so upright a stand, as prepare'd
me indeed for his application to me for instant ease; but, tho' the sight of its
fine size was fit enough to fire me, the cooling air, as I stood in this state
of nature, joined to the desire I had of bathing first, enabled me to put him
off, and tranquillize him, with the remark that a little suspense would only set
a keener edge on the pleasure. Leading then the way, and showing our friends an
example of continency, which they were giving signs of losing respect to, we
went hand in hand into the stream, till it took us up to our neck, where the no
more than grateful coolness of the water gave my senses a delicious refreshment
from the sultriness of the season, and made more alive, more happy in myself,
and, in course, more alert, and open to voluptuous impressions.
    Here I lav'd and wanton'd with the water, or sportively play'd with my
companion, leaving Emily to deal with hers at discretion. Mine, at length, not
content with making me take the plunge over head and ears, kept splashing me,
and provoking me with all the little playful tricks he could devise, and which I
strove not to remain in his debt for. We gave, in short, a loose to mirth; and
now, nothing would serve him but giving his hands the regale of going over every
part of me, neck, breast, belly, thighs, and all the et coetera, so dear to the
imagination, under the pretext of washing and rubbing them; as we both stood in
the water, no higher now than the pit of our stomachs, and which did not hinder
him from feeling, and toying with that leak that distinguishes our sex, and it
so wonderfully water-tight: for his fingers, in vain dilating and opening it,
only let more flame than water into it, be it said without a figure. At the same
time he made me feel his own engine, which was so well wound up, as to stand
even the working in water, and he accordingly threw one arm round my neck, and
was endeavouring to get the better of that harsher construction bred by the
surrounding fluid; and had in effect won his way so far as to make me sensible
of the pleasing stretch of those nether-lips, from the in-driving machine; when,
independent of my not liking that awkward mode of enjoyment, I could not help
interrupting him, in order to become joint spectators of a plan of joy, in hot
operation between Emily and her partner; who impatient of the fooleries and
dalliance of the bath, had led his nymph to one of the benches on the green
bank, where he was very cordially proceeding to teach her the difference betwixt
jest and earnest.
    There, setting her on his knee, and gliding one hand over the surface of
that smooth polish'd snow-white skin of hers, which now doubly shone with a
dew-bright lustre, and presented to the touch something like what one would
imagine of animated ivory, especially in those ruby-nippled globes, which the
touch is so fond of and delights to make love to, with the other he was
lusciously exploring the sweet secret of nature, in order to make room for a
stately piece of machinery, that stood up-rear'd, between her thighs, as she
continued sitting on his lap, and pressed hard for instant admission, which the
tender Emily, in a fit of humour deliciously protracted, affecting to decline,
and elude the very pleasure she sigh'd for, but in a style of waywardness so
prettily put on, and managed, as to render it ten times more poignant; then her
eyes, all amidst the softest dying languishment, express'd at once a mock denial
and extreme desire, whilst her sweetness was zested with a coyness so pleasingly
provoking, her moods of keeping him off were so attractive, that they redoubled
the impetuous rage with which he cover'd her with kisses: and kisses that,
whilst she seemed to shy from or scuffle for, the cunning wanton contrived such
sly returns of, as were doubtless the sweeter for the gust she gave them, of
being stolen ravished.
    Thus Emily, who knew no art but that which nature itself, in favour of her
principal end, pleasure, had inspir'd her with, the art of yielding, coy'd it
indeed, but coy'd it to the purpose; for with all her straining, her wrestling,
and striving to break from the clasp of his arms, she was so far wiser yet than
to mean it, that in her struggles, it was visible she aim'd at nothing more than
multiplying points of touch with him, and drawing yet closer the folds that held
them every where entwined, like two tendrils of a vine intercurling together: so
that the same effect, as when Louisa strove in good earnest to disengage from
the idiot, was now produced by different motives.
    Mean while, their emersion out of the cold water had caused a general glow,
a tender suffusion of heighten'd carnation over their bodies; both equally white
and smooth-skinned; so that as their limbs were thus amorously interwoven, in
sweet confusion, it was scarce possible to distinguish who they respectively
belonged to, but for the brawnier, bolder muscles of the stronger sex.
    In a little time, however, the champion was fairly in with her, and had tied
at all points the true lover's knot; when now, adieu all the little refinements
of a finessed reluctance; adieu the friendly feint! She was presently driven
forcibly out of the power of using any art; and indeed, what art must not give
way, when nature, corresponding with her assailant, invaded in the heart of her
capital and carried by storm, lay at the mercy of the proud conqueror who had
made his entry triumphantly and completely? Soon, however, to become a
tributary: for the engagement growing hotter and hotter, at close quarters, she
presently brought him to the pass of paying down the dear debt to nature; which
she had no sooner collected in, but, like a duellist who has laid his antagonist
at his feet, when he has himself received a mortal wound, Emily had scarce time
to plume herself upon her victory, but, shot with the same discharge, she, in a
loud expiring sigh, in the closure of her eyes, the stretch-out of her limbs,
and a remission of her whole frame, gave manifest signs that all was as it
should be.
    For my part, who had not with the calmest patience stood in the water all
this time, to view this warm action, I lean'd tenderly on my gallant, and at the
close of it, seemed'd to ask him with my eyes what he thought of it; but he,
more eager to satisfy me by his actions than by words or looks, as we shoal'd
the water towards the shore, showed me the staff of love so intensely set up,
that had not even charity beginning at home in this case, urged me to our mutual
relief, it would have been cruel indeed to have suffered the youth to burst with
straining, when the remedy was so obvious and so near at hand.
    Accordingly we took to a bench, whilst Emily and her spark, who belonged it
seems to the sea, stood at the sideboard, drinking to our good voyage: for, as
the last observe'd, we were well under weigh, with a fair wind up channel, and
full-freighted; nor indeed were we long before we finished our trip to Cythera,
and unloaded in the old haven; but, as the circumstances did not admit of much
variation, I shall spare you the description.
    At the same time, allow me to place you here an excuse I am conscious of
owing you, for having, perhaps, too much affected the figurative style; though
surely, it can pass nowhere more allowably than in a subject which is so
properly the province of poetry, nay, is poetry itself, pregnant with every
flower of imagination and loving metaphors, even were not the natural
expressions, for respects of fashion and sound, necessarily forbid it.
    Resuming now my history, you may please to know that what with a competent
number of repetitions, all in the same strain (and, by-the-bye, we have a
certain natural sense that those repetitions are very much to the taste), what
with a circle of pleasures delicately varied, there was not a moment lost to joy
all the time we staid there, till late in the night we were re-escorted home by
our 'squires, who delivered us safe to Mrs. Cole, with generous thanks for our
company.
    This too was Emily's last adventure in our way: for scarce a week after, she
was, by an accident too trivial to detail to you the particulars, found out by
her parents, who were in good circumstances, and who had been punish'd for their
partiality to their son, in the loss of him, occasion'd by a circumstance of
their over-indulgence to his appetite; upon which the so long engross'd stream
of fondness, running violently in favour of this lost and inhumanly abandon'd
child whom if they had not neglected enquiry about, they might long before have
recovered. They were now so overjoyed at the retrieval of her, that, I presume,
it made them much less strict in examining the bottom of things: for they seem'd
very glad to take for granted, in the lump, everything that the grave and decent
Mrs. Cole was pleased to pass upon them; and soon afterwards sent her, from the
country, a handsome acknowledgement.
    But it was not so easy to replace to our community the loss of so sweet a
member of it: for, not to mention her beauty, she was one of those mild, pliant
characters that if one does not entirely esteem, one can scarce help loving,
which is not such a bad compensation neither. Owing all her weakness to
good-nature, and an indolent facility that kept her too much at the mercy of
first impressions, she had just sense enough to know that she wanted
leading-strings, and thought herself so much obliged to any who would take the
pains to think for her, and guide her, that with a very little management, she
was capable of being made a most agreeable, nay, a most virtuous wife: for vice,
it is probable, had never been her choice, or her fate, if it had not been for
occasion, or example, or had she not depended less upon herself than upon her
circumstances. This presumption her conduct afterwards verified: for presently
meeting with a match that was ready cut and dry for her, with a neighbour's son
of her own rank, and a young man of sense and order, who took her as the widow
of one lost at sea (for so it seems one of her gallants, whose name she had made
free with, really was), she naturally struck into all the duties of their
domestic life with as much simplicity of affection, with as much constancy and
regularity, as if she had never swerv'd from a state of undebauch'd innocence
from her youth.
    These desertions had, however, now so far thinned Mrs. Cole's brood that she
was left with only me like a hen with one chicken; but tho' she was earnestly
entreated and encourage'd to recruit her corps, her growing infirmities, and,
above all, the tortures of a stubborn hip-gout, which she found would yield to
no remedy, determin'd her to break up her business and retire with a decent
pittance into the country, where I promise'd myself nothing so sure, as my going
down to live with her as soon as I had seen a little more of life and improv'd
my small matters into a competency that would create in me an independence on
the world: for I was, now, thanks to Mrs. Cole, wise enough to keep that
essential in view.
    Thus was I then to lose my faithful preceptress, as did the Philosophers of
the town the White Crow of her profession. For besides that she never ransacked
her customers, whose taste too she ever studiously consulted, besides that she
never racked her pupils with unconscionable extortions, nor ever put their hard
earnings, as she call'd them, under the contribution of poundage. She was a
severe enemy to the seduction for innocence, and confine'd her acquisitions
solely to those unfortunate young women, who, having lost it, were but the
juster objects of compassion: among these, indeed, she pick'd but such as suited
her views and taking them under her protection, rescu'd them from the danger of
the public sinks of ruin and misery, to place, or do for them, well or ill, in
the manner you have seen. Having then settled her affairs, she set out on her
journey, after taking the most tender leave of me, and at the end of some
excellent instructions, recommending me to myself, with an anxiety perfectly
maternal. In short, she affected me so much, that I was not presently reconcil'd
to myself for suffering her at any rate to go without me; but fate had, it
seems, otherwise dispos'd of me.
    I had, on my separation from Mrs. Cole, taken a pleasant convenient house at
Marybone, but easy to rent and manage from its smallness, which I furnish'd
neatly and modestly. There, with a reserve of eight hundred pounds, the fruit of
my deference to Mrs. Cole's counsels, exclusive of clothes, some jewels, some
plate, I saw myself in purse for a long time, to wait without impatience for
what the chapter of accidents might produce in my favour.
    Here, under the new character of a young gentle-woman whose husband was gone
to sea, I had mark'd me out such lines of life and conduct, as leaving me at a
competent liberty to pursue my views either out of pleasure or fortune, bounded
me nevertheless strictly within the rules of decency and discretion: a
disposition in which you cannot escape observing a true pupil of Mrs. Cole.
    I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, when going out one morning
pretty early to enjoy the freshness of it, in the pleasing outlet of the fields,
accompanied only by a maid, whom I had newly hired, as we were carelessly
walking among the trees we were alarmed with the noise of a violent coughing:
turning our heads towards which, we distinguish'd a plain well-dressed elderly
gentleman, who, attack'd with a sudden fit, was so much overcome as to be force'd
to give way to it and sit down at the foot of a tree, where he seemed
suffocating with the severity of it, being perfectly black in the face: not less
mov'd than frighten'd with which, I flew on the instant to his relief, and using
the rote of practice I had observe'd on the like occasion, I loosened his cravat
and clapped him on the back; but whether to any purpose, or whether the cough
had had its course, I know not, but the fit immediately went off; and now
recover'd to his speech and legs, he returned me thanks with as much emphasis as
if I had save'd his life. This naturally engaging a conversation, he acquainted
me where he lived, which was at a considerable distance from where I met with
him, and where he had stray'd insensibly on the same intention of a morning
walk.
    He was, as I afterwards learn'd in the course of the intimacy which this
little accident gave birth to, an old bachelor, turn'd of sixty, but of a fresh
vigorous complexion, insomuch that he scarce marked five and forty, having never
rack'd his constitution by permitting his desires to overtax his ability.
    As to his birth and condition, his parents, honest and fail'd mechanicks,
had, by the best traces he could get of them, left him an infant orphan on the
parish; so that it was from a charity-school, that, by honesty and industry, he
made his way into a merchant's counting-house; from whence, being sent to a
house in CADIZ, he there, by his talents and activity, acquired a fortune, but
an immense one, with which he returned to his native country; where he could
not, however, so much as fish out one single relation out of the obscurity he
was born in. Taking then a taste for retirement, and pleas'd to enjoy life, like
a mistress in the dark, he flowed his days in all the ease of opulence, without
the least parade of it; and, rather studying the concealment than the show of a
fortune, looked down on a world he perfectly knew; himself, to his wish, unknown
and unmarked by.
    But, as I propose to devote a letter entirely to the pleasure of retracing
to you all the particulars of my acquaintance with this ever, to me, memorable
friend, I shall, in this, transiently touch on no more than may serve, as mortar
to cement, to form the connection of my history, and to obviate your surprise
that one of my high blood and relish of life should count a gallant of
threescore such a catch.
    Referring then to a more explicit narrative, to explain by what progressions
our acquaintance, certainly innocent at first, insensibly changed nature, and
ran into unplatonic lengths, as might well be expected from one of my condition
of life, and above all, from that principle of electricity that scarce ever
fails of producing fire when the sexes meet. I shall only here acquaint you,
that as age had not subdued his tenderness for our sex, neither had it robbed
him of the power of pleasing, since whatever he wanted in the bewitching charms
of youth, he aton'd for, or supplemented with the advantages of experience, the
sweetness of his manners, and above all, his flattering address in touching the
heart, by an application to the understanding. From him it was I first learn'd,
to any purpose, and not without infinite pleasure, that I had such a portion of
me worth bestowing some regard on; from him I received my first essential
encouragement, and instructions how to put it in that train of cultivation,
which I have since pushed to the little degree of improvement you see it at; he
it was, who first taught me to be sensible that the pleasures of the mind were
superior to those of the body; at the same time, that they were so far from
obnoxious to, or incompatible with each other, that, besides the sweetness in
the variety and transition, the one serve'd to exalt and perfect the taste of the
other to a degree that the senses alone can never arrive at.
    Himself a rational pleasurist, as being much too wise to be asham'd of the
pleasures of humanity, loved me indeed, but loved me with dignity; in a mean
equally remove'd from the sourness, of forwardness, by which age is unpleasingly
characteriz'd, and from that childish silly dotage that so often disgraces it,
and which he himself used to turn into ridicule, and compare to an old goat
affecting the frisk of a young kid.
    In short, everything that is generally unamiable in his season of life was,
in him, repair'd by so many advantages, that he existed a proof, manifest at
least to me, that it is not out of the power of age to please, if it lays out to
please, and if, making just allowances, those in that class do not forget that
it must cost them more pains and attention than what youth, the natural
spring-time of joy, stands in need of: as fruits out of season require
proportionably more skill and cultivation, to force them.
    With this gentleman then, who took me home soon after our acquaintance
commenc'd, I lived near eight months; in which time, my constant complaisance
and docility, my attention to deserve his confidence and love, and a conduct, in
general, devoid of the least art and founded on my sincere regard and esteem for
him, won and attach'd him so firmly to me, that, after having generously trusted
me with a genteel, independent settlement, proceeding to heap marks of affection
on me, he appointed me, by an authentick will, his sole heiress and executrix: a
disposition which he did not outlive two months, being taken from me by a
violent cold that he contracted as he unadvisedly ran to the window on an alarm
of fire, at some streets distance, and stood there naked-breasted, and exposed
to the fatal impressions of a damp night-air.
    After acquitting myself of my duty towards my deceas'd benefactor, and
paying him a tribute of unfeign'd sorrow, which a little time chang'd into a
most tender, grateful memory of him that I shall ever retain, I grew somewhat
comforted by the prospect that now open'd to me, if not of happiness at least of
affluence and independence.
    I saw myself then in the full bloom and pride of youth (for I was not yet
nineteen) actually at the head of so large a fortune, as it would have been even
the height of impudence in me to have raised my wishes, much more my hopes, to;
and that this unexpected elevation did not turn my head, I ow'd to the pains my
benefactor had taken to form and prepare me for it, as I ow'd his opinion of my
management of the vast possessions he left me, to what he had observe'd of the
prudential economy I had learned under Mrs. Cole, of which the reserve he saw I
had made was a proof and encouragement to him.
    But, alas! how easily is the enjoyment of the greatest sweets in life, in
present possession, poisoned by the regret of an absent one! but my regret was a
mighty and just one, since it had my only truly beloved Charles for its object.
    Given him up I had, indeed, completely, having never once heard from him
since our separation; which, as I found afterwards, had been my misfortune, and
not his neglect, for he wrote me several letters which had all miscarried; but
forgotten him I never had. Amidst all my personal infidelities, not one had made
a pin's point impression on a heart impenetrable to the true love-passion, but
for him.
    As soon, however, as I was mistress of this unexpected fortune, I felt more
than ever how dear he was to me, from its insufficiency to make me happy, whilst
he was not to share it with me. My earliest care, consequently, was to endeavour
at getting some account of him; but all my researches produc'd me no more light
than that his father had been dead for some time, not so well as even with the
world; and that Charles had reached his port of destination in the South-Seas,
where, finding the estate he was sent to recover dwindled to a trifle, by the
loss of two ships in which the bulk of his uncle's fortune lay, he was come away
with the small remainder, and might, perhaps, according to the best advice, in a
few months return to England, from whence he had, at the time of this my
inquiry, been absent two years and seven months. A little eternity in love!
    You cannot conceive with what joy I embraced the hopes thus given me of
seeing the delight of my heart again. But, as the term of months was assigned
it, in order to divert and amuse my impatience for his return, after settling my
affairs with much ease and security, I set out on a journey for Lancashire, with
an equipage suitable to my fortune, and with a design purely to revisit my place
of nativity, for which I could not help retaining a great tenderness; and might
naturally not be sorry to show myself there, to the advantage I was now in pass
to do, after the report Esther Davis had spread of my being spirited away to the
plantations; for on no other supposition could she account for the suppression
of myself to her, since her leaving me so abruptly at the inn. Another favourite
intention I had, to look out for my relations, though I had none besides distant
ones, and prove a benefactress to them. Then Mrs. Cole's place of retirement
lying in my way, was not amongst the least of the pleasures I had proposed to
myself in this expedition.
    I had taken nobody with me but a discreet decent woman, to figure it as my
companion, besides my servants, and was scarce got into an inn, about twenty
miles from London, where I was to sup and pass the night, when such a storm of
wind and rain sprang up as made me congratulate myself on having got under
shelter before it began.
    This had continue'd a good half hour, when bethinking me of some directions
to be given to the coachman, I sent for him, and not caring that his shoes
should soil the very clean parlour, in which the cloth was laid, I stepped into
the hall-kitchen, where he was, and where, whilst I was talking to him, I
slantingly observe'd two horsemen driven in by the weather, and both wringing
wet; one of whom was asking if they could not be assisted with a change, while
their clothes were dried. But, heavens! who can express what I felt at the sound
of a voice, ever present to my heart, and that is now rebounded at! or when
pointing my eyes towards the person it came from, they confirm'd its
information, in spite of so long an absence, and of a dress one would have
imagine'd studied for a disguise: a horseman's great coat, with a stand-up cape,
and his hat flapp'd ... but what could escape the piercing alertness of a sense
surely guided by love? A transport then like mine was above all consideration,
or schemes of surprise; and I, that instant, with the rapidity of the emotions
that I felt the spur of, shot into his arms, crying out, as I threw mine round
his neck: »My life! ... my soul! ... my Charles! ...« and without further power
of speech, swoon'd away, under the pressing agitations of joy and surprise.
    Recover'd out of my entrancement, I found myself in my charmer's arms, but
in the parlour, surrounded by a crowd which this event had gather'd round us,
and which immediately, on a signal from the discreet landlady, who currently
took him for my husband, clear'd the room, and desirably left us alone to the
raptures of this reunion; my joy at which had like to have prov'd, at the
expense of my life, power superior to that of grief at our fatal separation.
    The first object then, that my eyes open'd on, was their supreme idol, and
my supreme wish, Charles, on one knee, holding me fast by the hand and gazing on
me with a transport of fondness. Observing my recovery, he attempted to speak,
and give vent to his patience of hearing my voice again, to satisfy him once
more that it was me; but the mightiness and suddenness of the surprise,
continuing to stun him, choked his utterance: he could only stammer out a few
broken, half formed, faltering accents, which my ears greedily drinking in,
spelt, and put together, so as to make out their sense: »After so long! ... so
cruel ... an absence! ... my dearest Fanny! ... can it? ... can it be you? ...«
stifling me at the same time with kisses, that, stopping my mouth, at once
prevented the answer that he panted for, and increas'd the delicious disorder in
which all my senses were rapturously lost. Amidst however, this crowd of ideas,
and all blissful ones, there obtruded only one cruel doubt, that poison'd nearly
all the transcendent happiness: and what was it, but my dread of its being too
excessive to be real? I trembled now with the fear of its being no more than a
dream, and of my waking out of it into the horrors of finding it one. Under this
fond apprehension, imagining I could not make too much of the present prodigious
joy, before it should vanish and leave me in the desert again, nor verify its
reality too strongly, I clung to him, I clasp'd him, as if to hinder him from
escaping me again: »Where have you been? ... how could you ... could you leave
me? ... Say you are still mine ... that you still love me ... and thus! thus!«
(kissing him as if I would consolidate lips with him!) »I forgive you ...
forgive my hard fortune in favour of this restoration.«
    All these interjections breaking from me, in that wildness of expression
that justly passes for eloquence in love, drew from him all the returns my fond
heart could wish or require. Our caresses, our questions, our answers, for some
time observe'd no order; all crossing, or interrupting one another in sweet
confusion, whilst we exchang'd hearts at our eyes, and renew'd the ratifications
of a love unbated by time or absence: not a breath, not a motion, not a gesture
on either side, but what was strongly impressed with it. Our hands, lock'd in
each other, repeated the most passionate squeezes, so that their fiery thrill
went to the heart again.
    Thus absorbed, and concentre'd in this unutterable delight, I had not
attended to the sweet author of it, being thoroughly wet, and in danger of
catching cold; when, in good time, the landlady, whom the appearance of my
equipage (which, by-the-bye, Charles knew nothing of) had gain'd me an interest
in, for me and mine, interrupted us by bringing in a decent shift of linen and
clothes, which now, somewhat recover'd into a calmer composure by the coming in
of a third person, I prest him to take the benefit of, with a tender concern and
anxiety that made me tremble for his health.
    The landlady leaving us again, he proceeded to shift; in the act of which,
tho' he proceeded with all that modesty which became these first solemner
instants of our re-meeting after so long an absence, I could not contain certain
snatches of my eyes, lured by the dazzling discoveries of his naked skin, that
escaped him as he chang'd his linen, and which I could not observe the unfaded
life and complexion of without emotions of tenderness and joy, that had himself
too purely for their object to partake of a loose or mistim'd desire.
    He was soon dressed? in these temporary clothes, which neither fitted him nor
became the light my passion plac'd him in, to me at least; yet, as they were on
him, they look'd extremely well, in virtue of that magic charm which love put
into everything that he touch'd, or had relation to him: and where, indeed, was
that dress that a figure like this would not give grace to? For now, as I ey'd
him more in detail, I could not but observe the even favourable alteration which
the time of his absence had produced in his person.
    There were still the requisite lineaments, still the same vivid vermilion
and bloom reigning in his face: but now the roses were more fully blown; the tan
of his travels, and a beard somewhat more distinguishable, had, at the expense
of no more delicacy than what he could well spare, given it an air of becoming
manliness and maturity, that symmetriz'd nobly with that air of distinction and
empire with which nature had stamp'd it, in a rare mixture with the sweetness of
it; still nothing had he lost of that smooth plumpness of flesh, which, glowing
with freshness, blooms florid to the eye, and delicious to the touch; then his
shoulders were grown more square, his shape more form'd, more portly, but still
free and airy. In short, his figure show'd riper, greater, and perfecter to the
experienced eye than in his tender youth; and now he was not much more than two
and twenty.
    In this interval, however, I pick'd out of the broken, often pleasingly
interrupted account of himself, that he was, at that instant, actually on his
road to London, in not a very paramount plight or condition, having been wreck'd
on the Irish coast for which he had prematurely embark'd, and lost the little
all he had brought with him from the South Seas; so that he had not till after
great shifts and hardships, in the company of his fellow-traveller, the captain,
got so far on his journey; that so it was (having heard of his father's death
and circumstances) he had now the world to begin again, on a new account: a
situation which he assure'd me, in a vein of sincerity that, flowing from his
heart, penetrated mine, gave him to farther pain, than that he had it not in his
power to make me as happy as he could wish. My fortune, you will please to
observe, I had not enter'd upon any overture of, reserving to feast myself with
the surprise of it to him, in calmer instants. And, as to my dress, it could
give him no idea of the truth, not only as it was mourning, but likewise in a
style of plainness and simplicity that I had ever kept to with studied art. He
press'd me indeed tenderly to satisfy his ardent curiosity, both with regard to
my past and present state of life since his being torn away from me: but I had
the address to elude his questions by answers that, showing his satisfaction at
no great distance, won upon him to waive his impatience, in favour of the
thorough confidence he had in my not delaying it, but for respects I should in
good time acquaint him with.
    Charles, however, thus returned to my longing arms, tender, faithful, and in
health, was already a blessing too mighty for my conception: but Charles in
distress! ... Charles reduce'd, and broken down to his naked personal merit, was
such a circumstance, in favour of the sentiments I had for him, as exceeded my
utmost desires; and accordingly I seemed so visibly charm'd, so out of time and
measure pleas'd at his mention of his ruin'd fortune, that he could account for
it no way, but that the joy of seeing him again had swallow'd up every other
sense, or concern.
    In the mean time, my woman had taken all possible care of Charles's
travelling companion; and as supper was coming in, he was introduc'd to me, when
I receive'd him as became my regard for all of Charles's acquaintance or friends.
    We four then supp'd together, in the style of joy, congratulation, and
pleasing disorder that you may guess. For my part, though all these agitations
had left me not the least stomach but for that uncloying feast, the sight of my
ador'd youth, I endeavour'd to force it, by way of example for him, who I
conjectur'd must want such a recruit after riding; and, indeed, he ate like a
traveller, but gaz'd at, and addressed me all the time like a lover.
    After the cloth was taken away, and the hour of repose came on, Charles and
I were, without further ceremony, in quality of man and wife, shown up together
to a very handsome apartment, and, all in course, the bed, they said, the best
in the inn.
    And here, Decency, forgive me! if once more I violate thy laws and keeping
the curtains undrawn, sacrifice thee for the last time to that confidence,
without reserve, with which I engaged to recount to you the most striking
circumstances of my youthful disorders.
    As soon, then, as we were in the room together, left to ourselves, the sight
of the bed starting the remembrance of our first joys, and the thought of my
being instantly to share it with the dear possessor of my virgin heart, mov'd me
so strongly, that it was well I lean'd upon him, or I must have fainted again
under the overpowering sweet alarm. Charles saw into my confusion, and forgot
his own, that was scarce less, to apply himself to the removal of mine.
    But now the true refining passion had regain'd thorough possession of me,
with all its train of symptoms: a sweet sensibility, a tender timidity,
love-sick yearnings temper'd with diffidence and modesty, all held me in a
subjection of soul, incomparably dearer to me than the liberty of heart which I
had been long, too long! the mistress of, in the course of those grosser
gallantries, the consciousness of which now made me sigh with a virtuous
confusion and regret. No real virgin, in view of the nuptial bed, could give
more bashful blushes to unblemish'd innocence than I did to a sense of guilt;
and indeed I love'd Charles too truly not to feel severely that I did not deserve
him.
    As I kept hesitating and disconcerted under this soft distraction, Charles,
with a fond impatience, took the pains to undress me; and all I can remember
amidst the flutter and discomposure of my senses was some flattering
exclamations of joy and admiration, more specially at the feel of my breasts,
now set at liberty from my stays, and which panting and rising in tumultuous
throbs, swell'd upon his dear touch, and gave it the welcome pleasure of finding
them well form'd, and unfail'd in firmness.
    I was soon laid in bed, and scarce languish'd an instant for the darling
partner of it, before he was undress'd and got between the sheets, with his arms
clasp'd round me, giving and taking, with gust inexpressible, a kiss of welcome,
that my heart rising to my lips stamp'd with its warmest impression, concurring
to my bliss, with that delicate and voluptuous emotion which Charles alone had
the secret to excite, and which constitutes the very life, the essence of
pleasure.
    Meanwhile, two candles lighted on a side-table near us, and a joyous
wood-fire, threw a light into the bed that took from one sense, of great
importance to our joys, all pretext for complaining of its being shut out of its
share of them; and indeed, the sight of my idolized youth was alone, from the
ardour with which I had wished for it, without other circumstance, a pleasure to
die of.
    But as action was now a necessity to desires so much on edge as ours,
Charles, after a very short prelusive dalliance, lifting up my linen and his
own, laid the broad treasures of his manly chest close to my bosom, both beating
with the tenderest alarms: when now, the sense of his glowing body, in naked
touch with mine, took all power over my thoughts out of my own disposal, and
deliver'd up every faculty of the soul to the sensiblest of joys, that affecting
me infinitely more with my distinction of the person than of the sex, now
brought my conscious heart deliciously into play: my heart, which eternally
constant to Charles, had never taken any part in my occasional sacrifices to the
calls of constitution, complaisance, or interest. But ah! what became of me,
when as the powers of solid pleasure thickened upon me, I could not help feeling
the stiff stake that had been adorn'd with the trophies of my despoil'd
virginity, bearing hard and inflexible against one of my thighs, which I had not
yet opened, from a true principle of modesty, reviv'd by a passion too sincere
to suffer any aiming at the false merit of difficulty, or my putting on an
impertinent mock coyness.
    I have, I believe, somewhere before remark'd, that the feel of that
favourite piece of manhood has, in the very nature of it, something inimitably
pathetic. Nothing can be dearer to the touch, nor can affect it with a more
delicious sensation. Think then! as a love thinks, what must be the consummate
transport of that quickest of our senses, in their central seat too! when, after
so long a deprival, it felt itself re-inflam'd under the pressure of that
peculiar scepter-member which commands us all: but especially my darling, elect
from the face of the whole earth. And now, at its mightiest point of stiffness,
it felt to me something so subduing, so active, so solid and agreeable, that I
know not what name to give its singular impression: but the sentiment of
consciousness of its belonging to my supremely beloved youth, gave me so
pleasing an agitation, and work'd so strongly on my soul, that it sent all its
sensitive spirits to that organ of bliss in me, dedicated to its reception.
There, concentreing to a point, like rays in a burning glass, they glow'd, they
burnt with the intensest heat; the springs of pleasure were, in short, wound up
to such a pitch, I panted now, with so exquisitely keen an appetite for the
eminent enjoyment that I was even sick with desire, and unequal to support the
combination of two distinct ideas, that delightfully distracted me: for all the
thought I was capable of, was that I was now in touch, at once, with the
instrument of pleasure, and the great-seal of love. Ideas that, mingling
streams, pour'd such an ocean of intoxicating bliss on a weak vessel, all too
narrow to contain it, that I lay overwhelm'd, absorbed, lost in an abyss of joy,
and dying of nothing but immoderate delight.
    Charles then rous'd me somewhat out of this extatic distraction with a
complaint softly murmured, amidst a crowd of kisses, at the position, not so
favourable to his desires, in which I receive'd his urgent insistence for
admission, where that insistence was alone so engrossing a pleasure that it made
me inconsistently suffer a much dearer one to be kept out; but how sweet to
correct such a mistake! My thighs, now obedient to the intimations of love and
nature, gladly disclose, and with a ready submission, resign up the soft gateway
to the entrance of pleasure: I see, I feel the delicious velvet tip! ... he
enters me might and main, with ... oh! my pen drops from me here in the ecstasy
now present to my faithful memory! Description too deserts me, and delivers over
a task, above its strength of wing, to the imagination: but it must be an
imagination exalted by such a flame as mine that can do justice to that
sweetest, noblest of all sensations, that hailed and accompany'd the stiff
insinuation all the way up, till it was at the end of its penetration, sending
up, through my eyes, the sparks of the love-fire that ran all over me and blaz'd
in every vein and every pore of me: a system incarnate of joy all over.
    I had now totally taken in love's true arrow from the point up to the
feather, in that part, where making no new wound, the lips of the original one
of nature, which had owed its first breathing to this dear instrument, clung, as
if sensible of gratitude, in eager suction round it, whilst all its inwards
embrace'd it tenderly with a warmth of gust, a compressive energy, that gave it,
in its way, the heartiest welcome in nature; every fibre there gathering tight
round it, and straining ambitiously to come in for its share of the blissful
touch.
    As we were giving them a few moments of pause to the delectation of the
senses, in dwelling with the highest relish on this intimatest point of
re-union, and chewing the cud of enjoyment, the impatience natural to the
pleasure soon drove us into action. Then began the driving tumult on his side,
and the responsive heaves on mine, which kept me up to him; whilst, as our joys
grew too great for utterance, the organs of our voices, voluptuously
intermixing, became organs of the touch ... and oh, that touch! how delicious!
... how poignantly luscious! ... And now! now I felt to the heart of me! I felt
the prodigious keen edge with which love, presiding over this act, points the
pleasure: love! that may be styled the Attic salt of enjoyment; and indeed,
without it, the joy, great as it is, is still a vulgar one, whether in a king or
a beggar; for it is, undoubtedly, love alone that refines, ennobles and exalts
it.
    Thus happy, then, by the heart, happy by the senses, it was beyond all
power, even of thought, to form the conception of a greater delight than what I
was now consummating the fruition of.
    Charles, whose whole frame was convulsed with the agitation of his rapture,
whilst the tenderest fires trembled in his eyes, all assured me of a perfect
concord of joy, penetrated me so profoundly, touch'd me so vitally, took me so
much out of my own possession, whilst he seem'd himself so much in mine, that in
a delicious enthusiasm, I imagine'd such a transfusion of heart and spirit, as
that coalescing, and making one body and soul with him, I was he, and he, me.
    But all this pleasure tending, like life from its first instants, towards
its own dissolution, liv'd too fast not to bring on upon the spur its delicious
moment of mortality; for presently the approach of the tender agony discover'd
itself by its usual signals, that were quickly follow'd by my dear love's
emanation of himself that spun out, and shot, feelingly indeed! up the ravish'd
in-draught: where the sweetly soothing balmy titillation opened all the juices
of joy on my side, which extatically in flow, help'd to allay the prurient glow,
and drown'd our pleasure for a while. Soon, however, to be on float again! For
Charles, true to nature's laws, in one breath expiring and ejaculating,
languish'd not long in the dissolving trance, but recovering spirit again, soon
gave me to feel that the true-mettle springs of his instrument of pleasure were,
by love, and perhaps by a long vacation, wound up too high to be let down by a
single explosion: his stiffness still stood my friend. Resuming then the action
afresh, without dislodging, or giving me the trouble of parting from my sweet
tenant, we play'd over again the same opera, with the same delightful harmony
and concert: our ardours, like our love, knew no remission; and, all as the tide
serve'd my lover, lavish of his stores, and pleasure milked, over-flowed me once
more from the fullness of his oval reservoirs of the genial emulsion: whilst, on
my side, a convulsive grasp, in the instant of my giving down the liquid
contribution, render'd me sweetly subservient at once to the increase of his
joy, and of its effusions: moving me so, as to make me exert all those springs
of the compressive exsuction with which the sensitive mechanism of that part
thirstily draws and drains the nipple of Love; with much such an instinctive
eagerness and attachment as, to compare great with less, kind nature engages
infants at the breast by the pleasure they find in the motion of their little
mouths and cheeks, to extract the milky stream prepare'd for their nourishment.
    But still there was no end of his vigour: this double discharge had so far
from extinguish'd his desires, for that time, that it had not even calm'd them;
and at his age, desires are power. He was proceeding then amazingly to push it
to a third triumph, still without uncasing, if a tenderness, natural to true
love, had not inspir'd me with self-denial enough to spare, and not overstrain
him: and accordingly, entreating him to give himself and me quarter, I obtain'd,
at length, a short suspension of arms, but not before he had exultingly
satisfy'd me that he gave out standing.
    The remainder of the night, with what we borrow'd upon the day, we employ'd
with unweary'd fervour in celebrating thus the festival of our re-meeting; and
got up pretty late in the morning, gay, brisk and alert, though rest had been a
stranger to us: but the pleasures of love had been to us, what the joy of
victory is to an army: repose, refreshment, everything.
    The journey into the country being now entirely out of the question, and
orders having been given over-night for turning the horses' heads towards
London, we left the inn as soon as we had breakfasted, not without a liberal
distribution of the tokens of my grateful sense of the happiness I had met with
in it.
    Charles and I were in my coach; the captain and my companion in a chaise
hir'd purposely for them, to leave us the conveniency of a tête-à-tête.
    Here, on the road, as the tumult of my senses was tolerably compos'd, I had
command enough of head to break properly to him the course of life that the
consequence of my separation from him had driven me into: which, at the same
time that he tenderly deplor'd with me, he was the less shocked at; as, on
reflecting how he had left me circumstanc'd, he could not be entirely unprepar'd
for it.
    But when I opened the state of my fortune to him, and with that sincerity
which, from me to him, was so much a nature in me, I begg'd of him his
acceptance of it, on his own terms. I should appear to you perhaps too partial
to my passion, were I to attempt the doing his delicacy justice. I shall content
myself then with assuring you, that after his flatly refusing the unreserv'd,
unconditional donation that I long persecuted him in vain to accept, it was at
length, in obedience to his serious commands (for I stood out unaffectedly, till
he exerted the sovereign authority which love had given him over me), that I
yielded my consent to waive the remonstrance I did not fail of making strongly
to him, against his degrading himself, and incurring the reflection, however
unjust, of having, for respects of fortune, barter'd his honour for infamy and
prostitution, in making one his wife, who thought herself too much honour'd in
being but his mistress.
    The plea of love then over-ruling all objections, Charles, entirely won with
the merit of my sentiments for him, which he could not but read the sincerity of
in a heart ever open to him, oblige'd me to receive his hand, by which means I
was in pass, among other innumerable blessings, to bestow a legal parentage on
those fine children you have seen by this happiest of matches.
    Thus, at length, I got snug into port, where, in the bosom of virtue, I
gather'd the only uncorrupt sweets: where, looking back on the course of vice I
had run, and comparing its infamous blandishments with the infinitely superior
joys of innocence, I could not help pitying, even in point of taste, those who,
immers'd in gross sensuality, are insensible to the so delicate charms of
VIRTUE, than which even PLEASURE has not a greater friend, nor than VICE a
greater enemy. Thus temperance makes men lords over those pleasures that
intemperance enslaves them to: the one, parent of health, vigour, fertility,
cheerfulness, and every other desirable good of life; the other, of diseases,
debility, barrenness, self-loathing, with only every evil incident to human
nature.
    You laugh, perhaps, at this tail-piece of morality, extracted from me by the
force of truth, resulting from compar'd experiences: you think it, no doubt, out
of place, out of character; possibly too you may look on it as the paltry
finesse of one who seeks to mask a devotee to Vice under a rag of a veil,
impudently smuggled from the shrine of Virtue: just as if one was to fancy one's
self completely disguised at a masquerade, with no other change of dress than
turning one's shoes into slippers; or, as if a writer should think to shield a
treasonable libel, by concluding it with a formal prayer for the King. But,
independent of my flattering myself that you have a juster opinion of my sense
and sincerity, give me leave to represent to you, that such a supposition is
even more injurious to Virtue than to me: since, consistently with candour and
good-nature, it can have no foundation but in the falsest of fears, that its
pleasures cannot stand in comparison with those of Vice; but let truth dare to
hold it up in its most alluring light: then mark, how spurious, how low of
taste, how comparatively inferior its joys are to those which Virtue gives
sanction to, and whose sentiments are not above making even a sauce for the
senses, but a sauce of the highest relish; whilst Vices are the harpies that
infect and foul the feast. The paths of Vice are sometimes strew'd with roses,
but then they are for ever infamous for many a thorn, for many a canker-worm:
those of Virtue are strew'd with roses purely, and those eternally unfading
ones.
    If you do me then justice, you will esteem me perfectly consistent in the
incense I burn to Virtue. If I have painted Vice in all its gayest colours, if I
have deck'd it with flowers, it has been solely in order to make the worthier,
the solemner sacrifice of it, to Virtue.
    You know Mr. C*** O***, you know his estate, his worth, and good sense: can
you, will you pronounce it ill meant, at least of him, when anxious for his
son's morals, with a view to form him to virtue, and inspire him with a fix'd, a
rational contempt for vice, he condescended to be his master of the ceremonies,
and led him by the hand thro' the most noted bawdy-houses in town, where he took
care he should be familiarized with all those scenes of debauchery, so fit to
nauseate a good taste? The experiment, you will cry, is dangerous. True, on a
fool: but are fools worth so much attention?
    I shall see you soon, and in the mean time think candidly of me, and believe
me ever,
    
                                     Madam,
                                                         Yours, etc., etc., etc.
 
                                    The End
