Thomas Hardy
Jude the Obscure
Preface to the First Edition
The history of this novel whose birth in its present shape has been much
retarded by the necessities of periodical publication is briefly as follows
The scheme was jotted down in 1890 from notes made in 1887 and onwards some of
the circumstances being suggested by the death of a woman in the former year
The scenes were revisited in October 1892 the narrative was written in outline
in 1892 and the spring of 1893 and at full length as it now appears from
August 1893 onwards into the next year the whole with the exception of a few
chapters being in the hands of the publisher by the end of 1894 It was begun
as a serial story in Harpers Magazine at the end of November 1894 and was
continued in monthly parts
But as in the case of Tess of the dUrbervilles the magazine version was
for various reasons an abridged and modified one the present edition being the
first in which the whole appears as originally written And in the difficulty of
coming to an early decision in the matter of a title the tale was issued under
a provisional name two such titles having in fact been successively adopted
The present and final title deemed on the whole the best was one of the
earliest thought of
For a novel addressed by a man to men and women of full age which attempts
to deal unaffectedly with the fret and fever derision and disaster that may
press in the wake of the strongest passion known to humanity to tell without a
mincing of words of a deadly war waged between flesh and spirit and to point
the tragedy of unfulfilled aims I am not aware that there is anything in the
handling to which exception can be taken
Like former productions of this pen Jude the Obscure is simply an endeavour
to give shape and coherence to a series of seemings or personal impressions
the question of their consistency or their discordance of their permanence or
their transitoriness being regarded as not of the first moment
August 1895
Postscript
The issue of this book sixteen years ago with the explanatory Preface given
above was followed by unexpected incidents and one can now look back for a
moment at what happened Within a day or two of its publication the reviewers
pronounced upon it in tones to which the reception of Tess of the dUrbervilles
bore no comparison though there were two or three dissentients from the chorus
This salutation of the story in England was instantly cabled to America and the
music was reinforced on that side of the Atlantic in a shrill crescendo
In my own eyes the sad feature of the attack was that the greater part of
the story that which presented the shattered ideals of the two chief
characters and had been more especially and indeed almost exclusively the
part of interest to myself was practically ignored by the adverse press of the
two countries the while that some twenty or thirty pages of sorry detail deemed
necessary to complete the narrative and show the antitheses in Judes life
were almost the sole portions read and regarded And curiously enough a reprint
the next year of a fantastic tale that had been published in a family paper some
time before drew down upon my head a continuation of the same sort of invective
from several quarters
So much for the unhappy beginning of Judes career as a book After these
verdicts from the press its next misfortune was to be burnt by a bishop
probably in his despair at not being able to burn me
Then somebody discovered that Jude was a moral work austere in its
treatment of a difficult subject as if the writer had not all the time said in
the Preface that it was meant to be so Thereupon many uncursed me and the
matter ended the only effect of it on human conduct that I could discover being
its effect on myself the experience completely curing me of further interest
in novelwriting
One incident among many arising from the storm of words was that an American
man of letters who did not whitewash his own morals informed me that having
bought a copy of the book on the strength of the shocked criticisms he read on
and on wondering when the harmfulness was going to begin and at last flung it
across the room with execrations at having been induced by the rascally
reviewers to waste a dollarandhalf on what he was pleased to call a religious
and ethical treatise
I sympathized with him and assured him honestly that the misrepresentations
had been no collusive trick of mine to increase my circulation among the
subscribers to the papers in question
Then there was the case of the lady who having shuddered at the book in an
influential article bearing intermediate headlines of horror and printed in a
worldread journal wrote to me shortly afterwards that it was her desire to
make my acquaintance
To return however to the book itself The marriage laws being used in
great part as the tragic machinery of the tale and its general drift on the
domestic side tending to show that in Diderots words the civil law should be
only the enunciation of the law of nature a statement that requires some
qualification by the way I have been charged since 1895 with a large
responsibility in this country for the present shopsoiled condition of the
marriage theme as a learned writer characterized it the other day I do not
know My opinion at that time if I remember rightly was what it is now that a
marriage should be dissolvable as soon as it becomes a cruelty to either of the
parties being then essentially and morally no marriage and it seemed a good
foundation for the fable of a tragedy told for its own sake as a presentation
of particulars containing a good deal that was universal and not without a hope
that certain cathartic Aristotelian qualities might be found therein
The difficulties down to twenty or thirty years back of acquiring knowledge
in letters without pecuniary means were used in the same way though I was
informed that some readers thought these episodes an attack on venerable
institutions and that when Ruskin College was subsequently founded it should
have been called the College of Jude the Obscure
Artistic effort always pays heavily for finding its tragedies in the forced
adaptation of human instincts to rusty and irksome moulds that do not fit them
To do Bludyer and the conflagratory bishop justice what they meant seems to
have been only this »We Britons hate ideas and we are going to live up to that
privilege of our native country Your picture may not show the untrue or the
uncommon or even be contrary to the canons of art but it is not the view of
life that we who thrive on conventions can permit to be painted«
But what did it matter As for the matrimonial scenes in spite of their
touching the spot and the screaming of a poor lady in Blackwood that there was
an unholy antimarriage league afoot the famous contract sacrament I mean
is doing fairly well still and people marry and give in what may or may not be
true marriage as lightheartedly as ever The author has even been reproached by
some earnest correspondents that he has left the question where he found it and
has not pointed the way to a muchneeded reform
After the issue of Jude the Obscure as a serial story in Germany an experienced
reviewer of that country informed the writer that Sue Bridehead the heroine
was the first delineation in fiction of the woman who was coming into notice in
her thousands every year the woman of the feminist movement the slight pale
bachelor girl the intellectualized emancipated bundle of nerves that modern
conditions were producing mainly in cities as yet who does not recognize the
necessity for most of her sex to follow marriage as a profession and boast
themselves as superior people because they are licensed to be loved on the
premises The regret of this critic was that the portrait of the newcomer had
been left to be drawn by a man and was not done by one of her own sex who
would never have allowed her to break down at the end
Whether this assurance is borne out by dates I cannot say Nor am I able
across the gap of years since the production of the novel to exercise more
criticism upon it of a general kind than extends to a few verbal corrections
whatever good or bad it may contain And no doubt there can be more in a book
than the author consciously puts there which will help either to its profit or
to its disadvantage as the case may be
TH
April 1912
Part First
»Yea many there be that have run out of their wits for women and
become servants for their sakes Many also have perished have
erred and sinned for women O ye men how can it be but women
should be strong seeing they do thus«
Esdras
At Marygreen
1
The schoolmaster was leaving the village and everybody seemed sorry The miller
at Cresscombe lent him the small white tilted cart and horse to carry his goods
to the city of his destination about twenty miles off such a vehicle proving
of quite sufficient size for the departing teachers effects For the
schoolhouse had been partly furnished by the managers and the only cumbersome
article possessed by the master in addition to the packingcase of books was a
cottage piano that he had bought at an auction during the year in which he
thought of learning instrumental music But the enthusiasm having waned he had
never acquired any skill in playing and the purchased article had been a
perpetual trouble to him ever since in moving house
The rector had gone away for the day being a man who disliked the sight of
changes He did not mean to return till the evening when the new schoolteacher
would have arrived and settled in and everything would be smooth again
The blacksmith the farm bailiff and the schoolmaster himself were standing
in perplexed attitudes in the parlour before the instrument The master had
remarked that even if he got it into the cart he should not know what to do with
it on his arrival at Christminster the city he was bound for since he was only
going into temporary lodgings just at first
A little boy of eleven who had been thoughtfully assisting in the packing
joined the group of men and as they rubbed their chins he spoke up blushing at
the sound of his own voice » Aunt have got a great fuelhouse and it could be
put there perhaps till youve found a place to settle in sir«
»A proper good notion« said the blacksmith
It was decided that a deputation should wait on the boys aunt an old
maiden resident and ask her if she would house the piano till Mr Phillotson
should send for it The smith and the bailiff started to see the practicability
of the suggested shelter and the boy and the schoolmaster were left standing
alone
»Sorry I am going Jude« asked the latter kindly
Tears rose into the boys eyes for he was not among the regular day
scholars who came unromantically close to the schoolmasters life but one who
had attended the night school only during the present teachers term of office
The regular scholars if the truth must be told stood at the present moment
afar off like certain historic disciples indisposed to any enthusiastic
volunteering of aid
The boy awkwardly opened the book he held in his hand which Mr Phillotson
had bestowed on him as a parting gift and admitted that he was sorry
»So am I« said Mr Phillotson
»Why do you go sir« asked the boy
»Ah that would be a long story You wouldnt understand my reasons Jude
You will perhaps when you are older«
»I think I should now sir«
»Well dont speak of this everywhere You know what a university is and a
university degree It is the necessary hallmark of a man who wants to do
anything in teaching My scheme or dream is to be a university graduate and
then to be ordained By going to live at Christminster or near it I shall be
at headquarters so to speak and if my scheme is practicable at all I consider
that being on the spot will afford me a better chance of carrying it out than I
should have elsewhere«
The smith and his companion returned Old Miss Fawleys fuelhouse was dry
and eminently practicable and she seemed willing to give the instrument
standingroom there It was accordingly left in the school till the evening
when more hands would be available for removing it and the schoolmaster gave a
final glance round
The boy Jude assisted in loading some small articles and at nine oclock
Mr Phillotson mounted beside his box of books and other impedimenta and bade
his friends goodbye
»I shant forget you Jude« he said smiling as the cart moved off »Be a
good boy remember and be kind to animals and birds and read all you can And
if ever you come to Christminster remember you hunt me out for old acquaintance
sake«
The cart creaked across the green and disappeared round the corner by the
rectoryhouse The boy returned to the drawwell at the edge of the greensward
where he had left his buckets when he went to help his patron and teacher in the
loading There was a quiver in his lip now and after opening the wellcover to
begin lowering the bucket he paused and leant with his forehead and arms against
the framework his face wearing the fixity of a thoughtful childs who has felt
the pricks of life somewhat before his time The well into which he was looking
was as ancient as the village itself and from his present position appeared as
a long circular perspective ending in a shining disk of quivering water at a
distance of a hundred feet down There was a lining of green moss near the top
and nearer still the hartstongue fern
He said to himself in the melodramatic tones of a whimsical boy that the
schoolmaster had drawn at that well scores of times on a morning like this and
would never draw there any more »Ive seen him look down into it when he was
tired with his drawing just as I do now and when he rested a bit before
carrying the buckets home But he was too clever to bide here any longer a
small sleepy place like this«
A tear rolled from his eye into the depths of the well The morning was a
little foggy and the boys breathing unfurled itself as a thicker fog upon the
still and heavy air His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden outcry
»Bring on that water will ye you idle young harlican«
It came from an old woman who had emerged from her door towards the garden
gate of a greenthatched cottage not far off The boy quickly waved a signal of
assent drew the water with what was a great effort for one of his stature
landed and emptied the big bucket into his own pair of smaller ones and pausing
a moment for breath started with them across the patch of clammy greensward
whereon the well stood nearly in the centre of the little village or rather
hamlet of Marygreen
It was as oldfashioned as it was small and it rested in the lap of an
undulating upland adjoining the North Wessex downs Old as it was however the
wellshaft was probably the only relic of the local history that remained
absolutely unchanged Many of the thatched and dormered dwellinghouses had been
pulled down of late years and many trees felled on the green Above all the
original church humpbacked woodturreted and quaintly hipped had been taken
down and either cracked up into heaps of roadmetal in the lane or utilized as
pigsty walls garden seats guardstones to fences and rockeries in the
flowerbeds of the neighbourhood In place of it a tall new building of modern
Gothic design unfamiliar to English eyes had been erected on a new piece of
ground by a certain obliterator of historic records who had run down from London
and back in a day The site whereon so long had stood the ancient temple to the
Christian divinities was not even recorded on the green and level grassplot
that had immemorially been the churchyard the obliterated graves being
commemorated by eighteenpenny castiron crosses warranted to last five years
2
Slender as was Jude Fawleys frame he bore the two brimming housebuckets of
water to the cottage without resting Over the door was a little rectangular
piece of blue board on which was painted in yellow letters Drusilla Fawley
Baker Within the little lead panes of the window this being one of the few
old houses left were five bottles of sweets and three buns on a plate of the
willow pattern
While emptying the buckets at the back of the house he could hear an
animated conversation in progress withindoors between his greataunt the
Drusilla of the signboard and some other villagers Having seen the
schoolmaster depart they were summing up particulars of the event and
indulging in predictions of his future
»And whos he« asked one comparatively a stranger when the boy entered
»Well ye med ask it Mrs Williams Hes my greatnephew come since you
was last this way« The old inhabitant who answered was a tall gaunt woman who
spoke tragically on the most trivial subject and gave a phrase of her
conversation to each auditor in turn »He come from Mellstock down in South
Wessex about a year ago worse luck for n Belinda« turning to the right
»where his father was living and was took wi the shakings for death and died
in two days as you know Caroline« turning to the left »It would ha been a
blessing if Goddymighty had took thee too wi thy mother and father poor
useless boy But Ive got him here to stay with me till I can see whats to be
done with un though I am obliged to let him earn any penny he can Just now
hes ascaring of birds for Farmer Troutham It keeps him out of mischty Why do
ye turn away Jude« she continued as the boy feeling the impact of their
glances like slaps upon his face moved aside
The local washerwoman replied that it was perhaps a very good plan of Miss
or Mrs Fawleys as they called her indifferently to have him with her »to
kip ee company in your loneliness fetch water shet the windershetters o
nights and help in the bit o baking«
Miss Fawley doubted it »Why didnt ye get the schoolmaster to take ee
to Christminster wi un and make a scholar of ee« she continued in frowning
pleasantry »Im sure he couldnt ha took a better one The boy is crazy for
books that he is It runs in our family rather His cousin Sue is just the same
so Ive heard but I have not seen the child for years though she was born in
this place within these four walls as it happened My niece and her husband
after they were married didn get a house of their own for some year or more
and then they only had one till Well I wont go into that Jude my child
dont you ever marry Tisnt for the Fawleys to take that step any more She
their only one was like a child o my own Belinda till the split come Ah
that a little maid should know such changes«
Jude finding the general attention again centering on himself went out to
the bakehouse where he ate the cake provided for his breakfast The end of his
spare time had now arrived and emerging from the garden by getting over the
hedge at the back he pursued a path northward till he came to a wide and lonely
depression in the general level of the upland which was sown as a cornfield
This vast concave was the scene of his labours for Mr Troutham the farmer and
he descended into the midst of it
The brown surface of the field went right up towards the sky all round
where it was lost by degrees in the mist that shut out the actual verge and
accentuated the solitude The only marks on the uniformity of the scene were a
rick of last years produce standing in the midst of the arable the rooks that
rose at his approach and the path athwart the fallow by which he had come
trodden now by he hardly knew whom though once by many of his own dead family
»How ugly it is here« he murmured
The fresh harrowlines seemed to stretch like the channellings in a piece of
new corduroy lending a meanly utilitarian air to the expanse taking away its
gradations and depriving it of all history beyond that of the few recent
months though to every clod and stone there really attached associations enough
and to spare echoes of songs from ancient harvestdays of spoken words and
of sturdy deeds Every inch of ground had been the site first or last of
energy gaiety horseplay bickerings weariness Groups of gleaners had
squatted in the sun on every square yard Lovematches that had populated the
adjoining hamlet had been made up there between reaping and carrying Under the
hedge which divided the field from a distant plantation girls had given
themselves to lovers who would not turn their heads to look at them by the next
harvest and in that ancient cornfield many a man had made lovepromises to a
woman at whose voice he had trembled by the next seedtime after fulfilling them
in the church adjoining But this neither Jude nor the rooks around him
considered For them it was a lonely place possessing in the one view only
the quality of a workground and in the other that of a granary good to feed
in
The boy stood under the rick before mentioned and every few seconds used
his clacker or rattle briskly At each clack the rooks left off pecking and
rose and went away on their leisurely wings burnished like tassets of mail
afterwards wheeling back and regarding him warily and descending to feed at a
more respectful distance
He sounded the clacker till his arm ached and at length his heart grew
sympathetic with the birds thwarted desires They seemed like himself to be
living in a world which did not want them Why should he frighten them away
They took upon them more and more the aspect of gentle friends and pensioners
the only friends he could claim as being in the least degree interested in him
for his aunt had often told him that she was not He ceased his rattling and
they alighted anew
»Poor little dears« said Jude aloud »You shall have some dinner you
shall There is enough for us all Farmer Troutham can afford to let you have
some Eat then my dear little birdies and make a good meal«
They stayed and ate inky spots on the nutbrown soil and Jude enjoyed
their appetite A magic thread of fellowfeeling united his own life with
theirs Puny and sorry as those lives were they much resembled his own
His clacker he had by this time thrown away from him as being a mean and
sordid instrument offensive both to the birds and to himself as their friend
All at once he became conscious of a smart blow upon his buttocks followed by a
loud clack which announced to his surprised senses that the clacker had been
the instrument of offence used The birds and Jude started up simultaneously
and the dazed eyes of the latter beheld the farmer in person the great Troutham
himself his red face glaring down upon Judes cowering frame the clacker
swinging in his hand
»So its Eat my dear birdies is it young man Eat dear birdies indeed
Ill tickle your breeches and see if you say Eat dear birdies again in a
hurry And youve been idling at the schoolmasters too instead of coming here
hant ye hey Thats how you earn your sixpence a day for keeping the rooks
off my corn«
Whilst saluting Judes ears with this impassioned rhetoric Troutham had
seized his left hand with his own left and swinging his slim frame round him at
armslength again struck Jude on the hind parts with the flat side of Judes
own rattle till the field echoed with the blows which were delivered once or
twice at each revolution
»Dont ee sir please dont ee« cried the whirling child as helpless
under the centrifugal tendency of his person as a hooked fish swinging to land
and beholding the hill the rick the plantation the path and the rooks going
round and round him in an amazing circular race »I I sir only meant that
there was a good crop in the ground I saw em sow it and the rooks could
have a little bit for dinner and you wouldnt miss it sir and Mr
Phillotson said I was to be kind to em O O O«
This truthful explanation seemed to exasperate the farmer even more than if
Jude had stoutly denied saying anything at all and he still smacked the
whirling urchin the clacks of the instrument continuing to resound all across
the field and as far as the ears of distant workers who gathered thereupon
that Jude was pursuing his business of clacking with great assiduity and
echoing from the brandnew church tower just behind the mist towards the
building of which structure the farmer had largely subscribed to testify his
love for God and man
Presently Troutham grew tired of his punitive task and depositing the
quivering boy on his legs took a sixpence from his pocket and gave it him in
payment for his days work telling him to go home and never let him see him in
one of those fields again
Jude leaped out of arms reach and walked along the track way weeping not
from the pain though that was keen enough not from the perception of the flaw
in the terrestrial scheme by which what was good for Gods birds was bad for
Gods gardener but with the awful sense that he had wholly disgraced himself
before he had been a year in the parish and hence might be a burden to his
greataunt for life
With this shadow on his mind he did not care to show himself in the village
and went homeward by a roundabout track behind a high hedge and across a
pasture Here he beheld scores of coupled earthworms lying half their length on
the surface of the damp ground as they always did in such weather at that time
of the year It was impossible to advance in regular steps without crushing some
of them at each tread
Though Farmer Troutham had just hurt him he was a boy who could not himself
bear to hurt anything He had never brought home a nest of young birds without
lying awake in misery half the night after and often reinstating them and the
nest in their original place the next morning He could scarcely bear to see
trees cut down or lopped from a fancy that it hurt them and late pruning when
the sap was up and the tree bled profusely had been a positive grief to him in
his infancy This weakness of character as it may be called suggested that he
was the sort of man who was born to ache a good deal before the fall of the
curtain upon his unnecessary life should signify that all was well with him
again He carefully picked his way on tiptoe among the earthworms without
killing a single one
On entering the cottage he found his aunt selling a penny loaf to a little
girl and when the customer was gone she said »Well how do you come to be back
here in the middle of the morning like this«
»Im turned away«
»What«
»Mr Troutham have turned me away because I let the rooks have a few
peckings of corn And theres my wages the last I shall ever hae«
He threw the sixpence tragically on the table
»Ah« said his aunt suspending her breath And she opened upon him a
lecture on how she would now have him all the spring upon her hands doing
nothing »If you cant skeer birds what can ye do There dont ye look so
deedy Farmer Troutham is not so much better than myself come to that But tis
as Job said Now they that are younger than I have me in derision whose fathers
I would have disdained to have set with the dogs of my flock His father was my
fathers journeyman anyhow and I must have been a fool to let ee go to work
for n which I shouldnt ha done but to keep ee out of mischty«
More angry with Jude for demeaning her by coming there than for dereliction
of duty she rated him primarily from that point of view and only secondarily
from a moral one
»Not that you should have let the birds eat what Farmer Troutham planted Of
course you was wrong in that Jude Jude why didstnt go off with that
schoolmaster of thine to Christminster or somewhere But O no poor ornary
child there never was any sprawl on thy side of the family and never will
be«
»Where is this beautiful city aunt this place where Mr Phillotson is
gone to« asked the boy after meditating in silence
»Lord you ought to know where the city of Christminster is Near a score of
miles from here It is a place much too good for you ever to have much to do
with poor boy Im athinking«
»And will Mr Phillotson always be there«
»How can I tell«
»Couldnt I go to see him«
»Lord no You didnt grow up hereabout or you wouldnt ask such as that
Weve never had anything to do with folk in Christminster nor folk in
Christminster with we«
Jude went out and feeling more than ever his existence to be an undemanded
one he lay down upon his back on a heap of litter near the pigsty The fog had
by this time become more translucent and the position of the sun could be seen
through it He pulled his straw hat over his face and peered through the
interstices of the plaiting at the white brightness vaguely reflecting Growing
up brought responsibilities he found Events did not rhyme quite as he had
thought Natures logic was too horrid for him to care for That mercy towards
one set of creatures was cruelty towards another sickened his sense of harmony
As you got older and felt yourself to be at the centre of your time and not at
a point in its circumference as you had felt when you were little you were
seized with a sort of shuddering he perceived All around you there seemed to
be something glaring garish rattling and the noises and glares hit upon the
little cell called your life and shook it and warped it
If he could only prevent himself growing up He did not want to be a man
Then like the natural boy he forgot his despondency and sprang up During
the remainder of the morning he helped his aunt and in the afternoon when
there was nothing more to be done he went into the village Here he asked a man
whereabouts Christminster lay
»Christminster O well out by there yonder though Ive never bin there
not I Ive never had any business at such a place«
The man pointed northeastward in the very direction where lay that field
in which Jude had so disgraced himself There was something unpleasant about the
coincidence for the moment but the fearsomeness of this fact rather increased
his curiosity about the city The farmer had said he was never to be seen in
that field again yet Christminster lay across it and the path was a public
one So stealing out of the hamlet he descended into the same hollow which had
witnessed his punishment in the morning never swerving an inch from the path
and climbing up the long and tedious ascent on the other side till the track
joined the highway by a little clump of trees Here the ploughed land ended and
all before him was bleak open down
3
Not a soul was visible on the hedgeless highway or on either side of it and
the white road seemed to ascend and diminish till it joined the sky At the very
top it was crossed at right angles by a green ridgeway the Icknield Street
and original Roman road through the district This ancient track ran east and
west for many miles and down almost to within living memory had been used for
driving flocks and herds to fairs and markets But it was now neglected and
overgrown
The boy had never before strayed so far north as this from the nestling
hamlet in which he had been deposited by the carrier from a railway station
southward one dark evening some few months earlier and till now he had had no
suspicion that such a wide flat lowlying country lay so near at hand under
the very verge of his upland world The whole northern semicircle between east
and west to a distance of forty or fifty miles spread itself before him a
bluer moister atmosphere evidently than that he breathed up here
Not far from the road stood a weatherbeaten old barn of reddishgray brick
and tile It was known as the Brown House by the people of the locality He was
about to pass it when he perceived a ladder against the eaves and the
reflection that the higher he got the further he could see led Jude to stand
and regard it On the slope of the roof two men were repairing the tiling He
turned into the ridgeway and drew towards the barn
When he had wistfully watched the workmen for some time he took courage and
ascended the ladder till he stood beside them
»Well my lad and what may you want up here«
»I wanted to know where the city of Christminster is if you please«
»Christminster is out across there by that clump You can see it at least
you can on a clear day Ah no you cant now«
The other tiler glad of any kind of diversion from the monotony of his
labour had also turned to look towards the quarter designated »You cant often
see it in weather like this« he said »The time Ive noticed it is when the sun
is going down in a blaze of flame and it looks like I dont know what«
»The heavenly Jerusalem« suggested the serious urchin
»Ay though I should never ha thought of it myself But I cant see no
Christminster today«
The boy strained his eyes also yet neither could he see the faroff city
He descended from the barn and abandoning Christminster with the versatility of
his age he walked along the ridgetrack looking for any natural objects of
interest that might lie in the banks thereabout When he repassed the barn to go
back to Marygreen he observed that the ladder was still in its place but that
the men had finished their days work and gone away
It was waning towards evening there was still a faint mist but it had
cleared a little except in the damper tracts of subjacent country and along the
rivercourses He thought again of Christminster and wished since he had come
two or three miles from his aunts house on purpose that he could have seen for
once this attractive city of which he had been told But even if he waited here
it was hardly likely that the air would clear before night Yet he was loth to
leave the spot for the northern expanse became lost to view on retreating
towards the village only a few hundred yards
He ascended the ladder to have one more look at the point the men had
designated and perched himself on the highest rung overlying the tiles He
might not be able to come so far as this for many days Perhaps if he prayed
the wish to see Christminster might be forwarded People said that if you
prayed things sometimes came to you even though they sometimes did not He had
read in a tract that a man who had begun to build a church and had no money to
finish it knelt down and prayed and the money came in by the next post
Another man tried the same experiment and the money did not come but he found
afterwards that the breeches he knelt in were made by a wicked Jew This was not
discouraging and turning on the ladder Jude knelt on the third rung where
resting against those above it he prayed that the mist might rise
He then seated himself again and waited In the course of ten or fifteen
minutes the thinning mist dissolved altogether from the northern horizon as it
had already done elsewhere and about a quarter of an hour before the time of
sunset the westward clouds parted the suns position being partially uncovered
and the beams streaming out in visible lines between two bars of slaty cloud
The boy immediately looked back in the old direction
Some way within the limits of the stretch of landscape points of light like
the topaz gleamed The air increased in transparency with the lapse of minutes
till the topaz points showed themselves to be the vanes windows wet roof
slates and other shining spots upon the spires domes freestonework and
varied outlines that were faintly revealed It was Christminster
unquestionably either directly seen or miraged in the peculiar atmosphere
The spectator gazed on and on till the windows and vanes lost their shine
going out almost suddenly like extinguished candles The vague city became
veiled in mist Turning to the west he saw that the sun had disappeared The
foreground of the scene had grown funereally dark and near objects put on the
hues and shapes of chimæras
He anxiously descended the ladder and started homewards at a run trying
not to think of giants Herne the Hunter Apollyon lying in wait for Christian
or of the captain with the bleeding hole in his forehead and the corpses round
him that remutinied every night on board the bewitched ship He knew that he had
grown out of belief in these horrors yet he was glad when he saw the church
tower and the lights in the cottage windows even though this was not the home
of his birth and his greataunt did not care much about him
Inside and round about that old womans shop window with its twentyfour little
panes set in leadwork the glass of some of them oxidized with age so that you
could hardly see the poor penny articles exhibited within and forming part of a
stock which a strong man could have carried Jude had his outer being for some
long tideless time But his dreams were as gigantic as his surroundings were
small
Through the solid barrier of cold cretaceous upland to the northward he was
always beholding a gorgeous city the fancied place he had likened to the new
Jerusalem though there was perhaps more of the painters imagination and less
of the diamond merchants in his dreams thereof than in those of the Apocalyptic
writer And the city acquired a tangibility a permanence a hold on his life
mainly from the one nucleus of fact that the man for whose knowledge and
purposes he had so much reverence was actually living there not only so but
living among the more thoughtful and mentally shining ones therein
In sad wet seasons though he knew it must rain at Christminster too he
could hardly believe that it rained so drearily there Whenever he could get
away from the confines of the hamlet for an hour or two which was not often he
would steal off to the Brown House on the hill and strain his eyes persistently
sometimes to be rewarded by the sight of a dome or spire at other times by a
little smoke which in his estimate had some of the mysticism of incense
Then the day came when it suddenly occurred to him that if he ascended to
the point of view after dark or possibly went a mile or two further he would
see the night lights of the city It would be necessary to come back alone but
even that consideration did not deter him for he could throw a little manliness
into his mood no doubt
The project was duly executed It was not late when he arrived at the place
of outlook only just after dusk but a black northeast sky accompanied by a
wind from the same quarter made the occasion dark enough He was rewarded but
what he saw was not the lamps in rows as he had half expected No individual
light was visible only a halo or glowfog overarching the place against the
black heavens behind it making the light and the city seem distant but a mile
or so
He set himself to wonder on the exact point in the glow where the
schoolmaster might be he who never communicated with anybody at Marygreen now
who was as if dead to them here In the glow he seemed to see Phillotson
promenading at ease like one of the forms in Nebuchadnezzars furnace
He had heard that breezes travelled at the rate of ten miles an hour and
the fact now came into his mind He parted his lips as he faced the northeast
and drew in the wind as if it were a sweet liquor
»You« he said addressing the breeze caressingly »were in Christminster
city between one and two hours ago floating along the streets pulling round
the weathercocks touching Mr Phillotsons face being breathed by him and
now you are here breathed by me you the very same«
Suddenly there came along this wind something towards him a message from
the place from some soul residing there it seemed Surely it was the sound of
bells the voice of the city faint and musical calling to him »We are happy
here«
He had become entirely lost to his bodily situation during this mental leap
and only got back to it by a rough recalling A few yards below the brow of the
hill on which he paused a team of horses made its appearance having reached the
place by dint of half an hours serpentine progress from the bottom of the
immense declivity They had a load of coals behind them a fuel that could only
be got into the upland by this particular route They were accompanied by a
carter a second man and a boy who now kicked a large stone behind one of the
wheels and allowed the panting animals to have a long rest while those in
charge took a flagon off the load and indulged in a drink round
They were elderly men and had genial voices Jude addressed them inquiring
if they had come from Christminster
»Heaven forbid with this load« said they
»The place I mean is that one yonder« He was getting so romantically
attached to Christminster that like a young lover alluding to his mistress he
felt bashful at mentioning its name again He pointed to the light in the sky
hardly perceptible to their older eyes
»Yes There do seem a spot a bit brighter in the noreast than elsewhere
though I shouldnt ha noticed it myself and no doubt it med be Christminster«
Here a little book of tales which Jude had tucked up under his arm having
brought them to read on his way hither before it grew dark slipped and fell
into the road The carter eyed him while he picked it up and straightened the
leaves
»Ah young man« he observed »youd have to get your head screwed on
tother way before you could read what they read there«
»Why« asked the boy
»O they never look at anything that folks like we can understand« the
carter continued by way of passing the time »Ony foreign tongues used in the
days of the Tower of Babel when no two families spoke alike They read that
sort of thing as fast as a nighthawk will whir Tis all learning there
nothing but learning except religion And thats learning too for I never
could understand it Yes tis a seriousminded place Not but theres wenches
in the streets o nights You know I suppose that they raise pasons there
like radishes in a bed And though it do take how many years Bob five
years to turn a lirruping hobbledehoy chap into a solemn preaching man with no
corrupt passions theyll do it if it can be done and polish un off like the
workmen they be and turn un out wi a long face and a long black coat and
waistcoat and a religious collar and hat same as they used to wear in the
Scriptures so that his own mother wouldnt know un sometimes There tis
their business like anybody elses«
»But how should you know «
»Now dont you interrupt my boy Never interrupt your senyers Move the
fore hoss aside Bobby heres somat coming You must mind that I be
atalking of the college life Em lives on a lofty level theres no gainsaying
it though I myself med not think much of em As we be here in our bodies on
this high ground so be they in their minds nobleminded men enough no doubt
some on em able to earn hundreds by thinking out loud And some on em be
strong young fellows that can earn a most as much in silver cups As for music
theres beautiful music everywhere in Christminster You med be religious or
you med not but you cant help striking in your homely note with the rest And
theres a street in the place the main street that hant another like it in
the world I should think I did know a little about Christminster«
By this time the horses had recovered breath and bent to their collars
again Jude throwing a last adoring look at the distant halo turned and walked
beside his remarkably wellinformed friend who had no objection to tell him as
they moved on more yet of the city its towers and halls and churches The
waggon turned into a crossroad whereupon Jude thanked the carter warmly for
his information and said he only wished he could talk half as well about
Christminster as he
»Well tis oonly what has come in my way« said the carter unboastfully
»Ive never been there no more than you but Ive picked up the knowledge here
and there and you be welcome to it Agetting about the world as I do and
mixing with all classes of society one cant help hearing of things A friend
o mine that used to clane the boots at the Crozier Hotel in Christminster when
he was in his prime why I knowed un as well as my own brother in his later
years«
Jude continued his walk homeward alone pondering so deeply that he forgot
to feel timid He suddenly grew older It had been the yearning of his heart to
find something to anchor on to cling to for some place which he could call
admirable Should he find that place in this city if he could get there Would
it be a spot in which without fear of farmers or hindrance or ridicule he
could watch and wait and set himself to some mighty undertaking like the men of
old of whom he had heard As the halo had been to his eyes when gazing at it a
quarter of an hour earlier so was the spot mentally to him as he pursued his
dark way
»It is a city of light« he said to himself
»The tree of knowledge grows there« he added a few steps further on
»It is a place that teachers of men spring from and go to«
»It is what you may call a castle manned by scholarship and religion«
After this figure he was silent a long while till he added
»It would just suit me«
4
Walking somewhat slowly by reason of his concentration the boy an ancient man
in some phases of thought much younger than his years in others was overtaken
by a lightfooted pedestrian whom notwithstanding the gloom he could perceive
to be wearing an extraordinarily tall hat a swallowtailed coat and a
watchchain that danced madly and threw around scintillations of skylight as
its owner swung along upon a pair of thin legs and noiseless boots Jude
beginning to feel lonely endeavoured to keep up with him
»Well my man Im in a hurry so youll have to walk pretty fast if you
keep alongside of me Do you know who I am«
»Yes I think Physician Vilbert«
»Ah Im known everywhere I see That comes of being a public benefactor«
Vilbert was an itinerant quackdoctor well known to the rustic population
and absolutely unknown to anybody else as he indeed took care to be to avoid
inconvenient investigations Cottagers formed his only patients and his
Wessexwide repute was among them alone His position was humbler and his field
more obscure than those of the quacks with capital and an organized system of
advertising He was in fact a survival The distances he traversed on foot
were enormous and extended nearly the whole length and breadth of Wessex Jude
had one day seen him selling a pot of coloured lard to an old woman as a certain
cure for a bad leg the woman arranging to pay a guinea in instalments of a
shilling a fortnight for the precious salve which according to the physician
could only be obtained from a particular animal which grazed on Mount Sinai and
was to be captured only at great risk to life and limb Jude though he already
had his doubts about this gentlemans medicines felt him to be unquestionably a
travelled personage and one who might be a trustworthy source of information on
matters not strictly professional
»I spose youve been to Christminster Physician«
»I have many times« replied the long thin man »Thats one of my
centres«
»Its a wonderful city for scholarship and religion«
»Youd say so my boy if youd seen it Why the very sons of the old women
who do the washing of the colleges can talk in Latin not good Latin that I
admit as a critic dogLatin catLatin as we used to call it in my
undergraduate days«
»And Greek«
»Well thats more for the men who are in training for bishops that they
may be able to read the New Testament in the original«
»I want to learn Latin and Greek myself«
»A lofty desire You must get a grammar of each tongue«
»I mean to go to Christminster some day«
»Whenever you do you say that Physician Vilbert is the only proprietor of
those celebrated pills that infallibly cure all disorders of the alimentary
system as well as asthma and shortness of breath Two and threepence a box
specially licensed by the government stamp«
»Can you get me the grammars if I promise to say it hereabout«
»Ill sell you mine with pleasure those I used as a student«
»O thank you sir« said Jude gratefully but in gasps for the amazing
speed of the physicians walk kept him in a dogtrot which was giving him a
stitch in the side
»I think youd better drop behind my young man Now Ill tell you what Ill
do Ill get you the grammars and give you a first lesson if youll remember
at every house in the village to recommend Physician Vilberts golden ointment
lifedrops and female pills«
»Where will you be with the grammars«
»I shall be passing here this day fortnight at precisely this hour of
fiveandtwenty minutes past seven My movements are as truly timed as those of
the planets in their courses«
»Here Ill be to meet you« said Jude
»With orders for my medicines«
»Yes Physician«
Jude then dropped behind waited a few minutes to recover breath and went
home with a consciousness of having struck a blow for Christminster
Through the intervening fortnight he ran about and smiled outwardly at his
inward thoughts as if they were people meeting and nodding to him smiled with
that singularly beautiful irradiation which is seen to spread on young faces at
the inception of some glorious idea as if a supernatural lamp were held inside
their transparent natures giving rise to the flattering fancy that heaven lies
about them then
He honestly performed his promise to the man of many cures in whom he now
sincerely believed walking miles hither and thither among the surrounding
hamlets as the physicians agent in advance On the evening appointed he stood
motionless on the plateau at the place where he had parted from Vilbert and
there awaited his approach The roadphysician was fairly up to time but to
the surprise of Jude on striking into his pace which the pedestrian did not
diminish by a single unit of force the latter seemed hardly to recognize his
young companion though with the lapse of the fortnight the evenings had grown
light Jude thought it might perhaps be owing to his wearing another hat and he
saluted the physician with dignity
»Well my boy« said the latter abstractedly
»Ive come« said Jude
»You who are you O yes to be sure Got any orders lad«
»Yes« And Jude told him the names and addresses of the cottagers who were
willing to test the virtues of the worldrenowned pills and salve The quack
mentally registered these with great care
»And the Latin and Greek grammars« Judes voice trembled with anxiety
»What about them«
»You were to bring me yours that you used before you took your degree«
»Ah yes yes Forgot all about it all So many lives depending on my
attention you see my man that I cant give so much thought as I would like to
other things«
Jude controlled himself sufficiently long to make sure of the truth and he
repeated in a voice of dry misery »You havent brought em«
»No But you must get me some more orders from sick people and Ill bring
the grammars next time«
Jude dropped behind He was an unsophisticated boy but the gift of sudden
insight which is sometimes vouchsafed to children showed him all at once what
shoddy humanity the quack was made of There was to be no intellectual light
from this source The leaves dropped from his imaginary crown of laurel he
turned to a gate leant against it and cried bitterly
The disappointment was followed by an interval of blankness He might
perhaps have obtained grammars from Alfredston but to do that required money
and a knowledge of what books to order and though physically comfortable he
was in such absolute dependence as to be without a farthing of his own
At this date Mr Phillotson sent for his pianoforte and it gave Jude a
lead Why should he not write to the schoolmaster and ask him to be so kind as
to get him the grammars in Christminster He might slip a letter inside the case
of the instrument and it would be sure to reach the desired eyes Why not ask
him to send any old secondhand copies which would have the charm of being
mellowed by the university atmosphere
To tell his aunt of his intention would be to defeat it It was necessary to
act alone
After a further consideration of a few days he did act and on the day of
the pianos departure which happened to be his next birthday clandestinely
placed the letter inside the packingcase directed to his muchadmired friend
being afraid to reveal the operation to his aunt Drusilla lest she should
discover his motive and compel him to abandon his scheme
The piano was despatched and Jude waited days and weeks calling every
morning at the cottage postoffice before his greataunt was stirring At last a
packet did indeed arrive at the village and he saw from the ends of it that it
contained two thin books He took it away into a lonely place and sat down on a
felled elm to open it
Ever since his first ecstasy or vision of Christminster and its
possibilities Jude had meditated much and curiously on the probable sort of
process that was involved in turning the expressions of one language into those
of another He concluded that a grammar of the required tongue would contain
primarily a rule prescription or clue of the nature of a secret cipher
which once known would enable him by merely applying it to change at will
all words of his own speech into those of the foreign one His childish idea
was in fact a pushing to the extremity of mathematical precision what is
everywhere known as Grimms Law an aggrandizement of rough rules to ideal
completeness Thus he assumed that the words of the required language were
always to be found somewhere latent in the words of the given language by those
who had the art to uncover them such art being furnished by the books
aforesaid
When therefore having noted that the packet bore the postmark of
Christminster he cut the string opened the volumes and turned to the Latin
grammar which chanced to come uppermost he could scarcely believe his eyes
The book was an old one thirty years old soiled scribbled wantonly over
with a strange name in every variety of enmity to the letterpress and marked at
random with dates twenty years earlier than his own day But this was not the
cause of Judes amazement He learnt for the first time that there was no law of
transmutation as in his innocence he had supposed there was in some degree
but the grammarian did not recognize it but that every word in both Latin and
Greek was to be individually committed to memory at the cost of years of
plodding
Jude flung down the books lay backward along the broad trunk of the elm
and was an utterly miserable boy for the space of a quarter of an hour As he
had often done before he pulled his hat over his face and watched the sun
peering insidiously at him through the interstices of the straw This was Latin
and Greek then was it this grand delusion The charm he had supposed in store
for him was really a labour like that of Israel in Egypt
What brains they must have in Christminster and the great schools he
presently thought to learn words one by one up to tens of thousands There were
no brains in his head equal to this business and as the little sunrays
continued to stream in through his hat at him he wished he had never seen a
book that he might never see another that he had never been born
Somebody might have come along that way who would have asked him his
trouble and might have cheered him by saying that his notions were further
advanced than those of his grammarian But nobody did come because nobody does
and under the crushing recognition of his gigantic error Jude continued to wish
himself out of the world
5
During the three or four succeeding years a quaint and singular vehicle might
have been discerned moving along the lanes and byroads near Marygreen driven
in a quaint and singular way
In the course of a month or two after the receipt of the books Jude had
grown callous to the shabby trick played him by the dead languages In fact his
disappointment at the nature of those tongues had after a while been the means
of still further glorifying the erudition of Christminster To acquire
languages departed or living in spite of such obstinacies as he now knew them
inherently to possess was a herculean performance which gradually led him on to
a greater interest in it than in the presupposed patent process The
mountainweight of material under which the ideas lay in those dusty volumes
called the classics piqued him into a dogged mouselike subtlety of attempt to
move it piecemeal
He had endeavoured to make his presence tolerable to his crusty maiden aunt
by assisting her to the best of his ability and the business of the little
cottage bakery had grown in consequence An aged horse with a hanging head had
been purchased for eight pounds at a sale a creaking cart with a whitybrown
tilt obtained for a few pounds more and in this turnout it became Judes
business thrice a week to carry loaves of bread to the villagers and solitary
cotters immediately around Marygreen
The singularity aforesaid lay after all less in the conveyance itself than
in Judes manner of conducting it along its route Its interior was the scene of
most of Judes education by private study As soon as the horse had learnt the
road and the houses at which he was to pause awhile the boy seated in front
would slip the reins over his arm ingeniously fix open by means of a strap
attached to the tilt the volume he was reading spread the dictionary on his
knees and plunge into the simpler passages from Cæsar Virgil or Horace as
the case might be in his purblind stumbling way and with an expenditure of
labour that would have made a tenderhearted pedagogue shed tears yet somehow
getting at the meaning of what he read and divining rather than beholding the
spirit of the original which often to his mind was something else than that
which he was taught to look for
The only copies he had been able to lay hands on were old Delphin editions
because they were superseded and therefore cheap But bad for idle schoolboys
it did so happen that they were passably good for him The hampered and lonely
itinerant conscientiously covered up the marginal readings and used them merely
on points of construction as he would have used a comrade or tutor who should
have happened to be passing by And though Jude may have had little chance of
becoming a scholar by these rough and ready means he was in the way of getting
into the groove he wished to follow
While he was busied with these ancient pages which had already been thumbed
by hands possibly in the grave digging out the thoughts of these minds so
remote yet so near the bony old horse pursued his rounds and Jude would be
aroused from the woes of Dido by the stoppage of his cart and the voice of some
old woman crying »Two today baker and I return this stale one«
He was frequently met in the lanes by pedestrians and others without his
seeing them and by degrees the people of the neighbourhood began to talk about
his method of combining work and play such they considered his reading to be
which though probably convenient enough to himself was not altogether a safe
proceeding for other travellers along the same roads There were murmurs Then a
private resident of an adjoining place informed the local policeman that the
bakers boy should not be allowed to read while driving and insisted that it
was the constables duty to catch him in the act and take him to the police
court at Alfredston and get him fined for dangerous practices on the highway
The policeman thereupon lay in wait for Jude and one day accosted him and
cautioned him
As Jude had to get up at three oclock in the morning to heat the oven and
mix and set in the bread that he distributed later in the day he was obliged to
go to bed at night immediately after laying the sponge so that if he could not
read his classics on the highways he could hardly study at all The only thing
to be done was therefore to keep a sharp eye ahead and around him as well as
he could in the circumstances and slip away his books as soon as anybody loomed
in the distance the policeman in particular To do that official justice he
did not put himself much in the way of Judes breadcart considering that in
such a lonely district the chief danger was to Jude himself and often on seeing
the white tilt over the hedges he would move in another direction
On a day when Fawley was getting quite advanced being now about sixteen
and had been stumbling through the Carmen Sæculare on his way home he found
himself to be passing over the high edge of the plateau by the Brown House The
light had changed and it was the sense of this which had caused him to look up
The sun was going down and the full moon was rising simultaneously behind the
woods in the opposite quarter His mind had become so impregnated with the poem
that in a moment of the same impulsive emotion which years before had caused
him to kneel on the ladder he stopped the horse alighted and glancing round
to see that nobody was in sight knelt down on the roadside bank with open book
He turned first to the shiny goddess who seemed to look so softly and
critically at his doings then to the disappearing luminary on the other hand
as he began
»Phoebe silvarumque potens Diana«
The horse stood still till he had finished the hymn which Jude repeated under
the sway of a polytheistic fancy that he would never have thought of humouring
in broad daylight
Reaching home he mused over his curious superstition innate or acquired
in doing this and the strange forgetfulness which had led to such a lapse from
commonsense and custom in one who wished next to being a scholar to be a
Christian divine It had all come of reading heathen works exclusively The more
he thought of it the more convinced he was of his inconsistency He began to
wonder whether he could be reading quite the right books for his object in life
Certainly there seemed little harmony between this pagan literature and the
mediæval colleges at Christminster that ecclesiastical romance in stone
Ultimately he decided that in his sheer love of reading he had taken up a
wrong emotion for a Christian young man He had dabbled in Clarkes Homer but
had never yet worked much at the New Testament in the Greek though he possessed
a copy obtained by post from a secondhand bookseller He abandoned the now
familiar Ionic for a new dialect and for a long time onward limited his reading
almost entirely to the Gospels and Epistles in Griesbachs text Moreover on
going into Alfredston one day he was introduced to patristic literature by
finding at the booksellers some volumes of the Fathers which had been left
behind by an insolvent clergyman of the neighbourhood
As another outcome of this change of groove he visited on Sundays all the
churches within a walk and deciphered the Latin inscriptions on
fifteenthcentury brasses and tombs On one of these pilgrimages he met with a
hunchbacked old woman of great intelligence who read everything she could lay
her hands on and she told him more yet of the romantic charms of the city of
light and lore Thither he resolved as firmly as ever to go
But how live in that city At present he had no income at all He had no
trade or calling of any dignity or stability whatever on which he could subsist
while carrying out an intellectual labour which might spread over many years
What was most required by citizens Food clothing and shelter An income
from any work in preparing the first would be too meagre for making the second
he felt a distaste the preparation of the third requisite he inclined to They
built in a city therefore he would learn to build He thought of his unknown
uncle his cousin Susannas father an ecclesiastical worker in metal and
somehow mediæval art in any material was a trade for which he had rather a
fancy He could not go far wrong in following his uncles footsteps and
engaging himself awhile with the carcases that contained the scholar souls
As a preliminary he obtained some small blocks of freestone metal not being
available and suspending his studies awhile occupied his spare halfhours in
copying the heads and capitals in his parish church
There was a stonemason of a humble kind in Alfredston and as soon as he
had found a substitute for himself in his aunts little business he offered his
services to this man for a trifling wage Here Jude had the opportunity of
learning at least the rudiments of freestoneworking Some time later he went to
a churchbuilder in the same place and under the architects direction became
handy at restoring the dilapidated masonries of several village churches round
about
Not forgetting that he was only following up this handicraft as a prop to
lean on while he prepared those greater engines which he flattered himself would
be better fitted for him he yet was interested in his pursuit on its own
account He now had lodgings during the week in the little town whence he
returned to Marygreen village every Saturday evening And thus he reached and
passed his nineteenth year
6
At this memorable date of his life he was one Saturday returning from
Alfredston to Marygreen about three oclock in the afternoon It was fine warm
and soft summer weather and he walked with his tools at his back his little
chisels clinking faintly against the larger ones in his basket It being the end
of the week he had left work early and had come out of the town by a roundabout
route which he did not usually frequent having promised to call at a flourmill
near Cresscombe to execute a commission for his aunt
He was in an enthusiastic mood He seemed to see his way to living
comfortably in Christminster in the course of a year or two and knocking at the
doors of one of those strongholds of learning of which he had dreamed so much
He might of course have gone there now in some capacity or other but he
preferred to enter the city with a little more assurance as to means than he
could be said to feel at present A warm selfcontent suffused him when he
considered what he had already done Now and then as he went along he turned to
face the peeps of country on either side of him But he hardly saw them the act
was an automatic repetition of what he had been accustomed to do when less
occupied and the one matter which really engaged him was the mental estimate of
his progress thus far
»I have acquired quite an average students power to read the common ancient
classics Latin in particular« This was true Jude possessing a facility in
that language which enabled him with great ease to himself to beguile his lonely
walks by imaginary conversations therein
»I have read two books of the Iliad besides being pretty familiar with
passages such as the speech of Phoenix in the ninth book the fight of Hector
and Ajax in the fourteenth the appearance of Achilles unarmed and his heavenly
armour in the eighteenth and the funeral games in the twentythird I have also
done some Hesiod a little scrap of Thucydides and a lot of the Greek
Testament I wish there was only one dialect all the same
I have done some mathematics including the first six and the eleventh and
twelfth books of Euclid and algebra as far as simple equations
I know something of the Fathers and something of Roman and English history
These things are only a beginning But I shall not make much further advance
here from the difficulty of getting books Hence I must next concentrate all my
energies on settling in Christminster Once there I shall so advance with the
assistance I shall there get that my present knowledge will appear to me but as
childish ignorance I must save money and I will and one of those colleges
shall open its doors to me shall welcome whom now it would spurn if I wait
twenty years for the welcome
Ill be DD before I have done«
And then he continued to dream and thought he might become even a bishop by
leading a pure energetic wise Christian life And what an example he would
set If his income were £5000 a year he would give away £4500 in one form and
another and live sumptuously for him on the remainder Well on second
thoughts a bishop was absurd He would draw the line at an archdeacon Perhaps
a man could be as good and as learned and as useful in the capacity of
archdeacon as in that of bishop Yet he thought of the bishop again
»Meanwhile I will read as soon as I am settled in Christminster the books
I have not been able to get hold of here Livy Tacitus Herodotus Æschylus
Sophocles Aristophanes «
»Ha ha ha Hoitytoity« The sounds were expressed in light voices on the
other side of the hedge but he did not notice them His thoughts went on
» Euripides Plato Aristotle Lucretius Epictetus Seneca Antoninus
Then I must master other things the Fathers thoroughly Bede and ecclesiastical
history generally a smattering of Hebrew I only know the letters as yet «
»Hoitytoity«
» but I can work hard I have staying power in abundance thank God and it
is that which tells Yes Christminster shall be my Alma Mater and Ill be
her beloved son in whom she shall be well pleased«
In his deep concentration on these transactions of the future Judes walk
had slackened and he was now standing quite still looking at the ground as
though the future were thrown thereon by a magic lantern On a sudden something
smacked him sharply in the ear and he became aware that a soft cold substance
had been flung at him and had fallen at his feet
A glance told him what it was a piece of flesh the characteristic part of
a barrowpig which the countrymen used for greasing their boots as it was
useless for any other purpose Pigs were rather plentiful hereabout being bred
and fattened in large numbers in certain parts of North Wessex
On the other side of the hedge was a stream whence as he now for the first
time realized had come the slight sounds of voices and laughter that had
mingled with his dreams He mounted the bank and looked over the fence On the
further side of the stream stood a small homestead having a garden and
pigsties attached in front of it beside the brook three young women were
kneeling with buckets and platters beside them containing heaps of pigs
chitterlings which they were washing in the running water One or two pairs of
eyes slyly glanced up and perceiving that his attention had at last been
attracted and that he was watching them they braced themselves for inspection
by putting their mouths demurely into shape and recommencing their rinsing
operations with assiduity
»Thank you« said Jude severely
»I didnt throw it I tell you« asserted one girl to her neighbour as if
unconscious of the young mans presence
»Nor I« the second answered
»O Anny how can you« said the third
»If I had thrown anything at all it shouldnt have been that«
»Pooh I dont care for him« And they laughed and continued their work without
looking up still ostentatiously accusing each other
Jude grew sarcastic as he wiped his face and caught their remarks
»You didnt do it O no« he said to the upstream one of the three
She whom he addressed was a fine darkeyed girl not exactly handsome but
capable of passing as such at a little distance despite some coarseness of skin
and fibre She had a round and prominent bosom full lips perfect teeth and
the rich complexion of a Cochin hens egg She was a complete and substantial
female animal no more no less and Jude was almost certain that to her was
attributable the enterprise of attracting his attention from dreams of the
humaner letters to what was simmering in the minds around him
»That youll never be told« said she deedily
»Whoever did it was wasteful of other peoples property«
»O thats nothing«
»But you want to speak to me I suppose«
»O yes if you like to«
»Shall I clamber across or will you come to the plank above here«
Perhaps she foresaw an opportunity for somehow or other the eyes of the
brown girl rested in his own when he had said the words and there was a
momentary flash of intelligence a dumb announcement of affinity in posse
between herself and him which so far as Jude Fawley was concerned had no sort
of premeditation in it She saw that he had singled her out from the three as a
woman is singled out in such cases for no reasoned purpose of further
acquaintance but in commonplace obedience to conjunctive orders from
headquarters unconsciously received by unfortunate men when the last intention
of their lives is to be occupied with the feminine
Springing to her feet she said »Bring back what is lying there«
Jude was now aware that no message on any matter connected with her fathers
business had prompted her signal to him He set down his basket of tools picked
up the scrap of offal beat a pathway for himself with his stick and got over
the hedge They walked in parallel lines one on each bank of the stream
towards the small plank bridge As the girl drew nearer to it she gave without
Jude perceiving it an adroit little suck to the interior of each of her cheeks
in succession by which curious and original manoeuvre she brought as by magic
upon its smooth and rotund surface a perfect dimple which she was able to
retain there as long as she continued to smile This production of dimples at
will was a not unknown operation which many attempted but only a few succeeded
in accomplishing
They met in the middle of the plank and Jude tossing back her missile
seemed to expect her to explain why she had audaciously stopped him by this
novel artillery instead of by hailing him
But she slyly looking in another direction swayed herself backwards and
forwards on her hand as it clutched the rail of the bridge till moved by
amatory curiosity she turned her eyes critically upon him
»You dont think I would shy things at you«
»O no«
»We are doing this for my father who naturally doesnt want anything thrown
away He makes that into dubbin« She nodded towards the fragment on the grass
»What made either of the others throw it I wonder« Jude asked politely
accepting her assertion though he had very large doubts as to its truth
»Impudence Dont tell folk it was I mind«
»How can I I dont know your name«
»Ah no Shall I tell it to you«
»Do«
»Arabella Donn Im living here«
»I must have known it if I had often come this way But I mostly go straight
along the highroad«
»My father is a pigbreeder and these girls are helping me wash the innerds
for blackpuddings and such like«
They talked a little more and a little more as they stood regarding each
other and leaning against the handrail of the bridge The unvoiced call of
woman to man which was uttered very distinctly by Arabellas personality held
Jude to the spot against his intention almost against his will and in a way
new to his experience It is scarcely an exaggeration to say that till this
moment Jude had never looked at a woman to consider her as such but had vaguely
regarded the sex as beings outside his life and purposes He gazed from her eyes
to her mouth thence to her bosom and to her full round naked arms wet
mottled with the chill of the water and firm as marble
»What a nicelooking girl you are« he murmured though the words had not
been necessary to express his sense of her magnetism
»Ah you should see me Sundays« she said piquantly
»I dont suppose I could« he answered
»Thats for you to think on Theres nobody after me just now though there
med be in a week or two« She had spoken this without a smile and the dimples
disappeared
Jude felt himself drifting strangely but could not help it »Will you let
me«
»I dont mind«
By this time she had managed to get back one dimple by turning her face
aside for a moment and repeating the odd little sucking operation before
mentioned Jude being still unconscious of more than a general impression of her
appearance »Next Sunday« he hazarded »Tomorrow that is«
»Yes«
»Shall I call«
»Yes«
She brightened with a little glow of triumph swept him almost tenderly with
her eyes in turning and retracing her steps down the brookside grass rejoined
her companions
Jude Fawley shouldered his toolbasket and resumed his lonely way filled
with an ardour at which he mentally stood at gaze He had just inhaled a single
breath from a new atmosphere which had evidently been hanging round him
everywhere he went for he knew not how long but had somehow been divided from
his actual breathing as by a sheet of glass The intentions as to reading
working and learning which he had so precisely formulated only a few minutes
earlier were suffering a curious collapse into a corner he knew not how
»Well its only a bit of fun« he said to himself faintly conscious that
to common sense there was something lacking and still more obviously
something redundant in the nature of this girl who had drawn him to her which
made it necessary that he should assert mere sportiveness on his part as his
reason in seeking her something in her quite antipathetic to that side of him
which had been occupied with literary study and the magnificent Christminster
dream It had been no vestal who chose that missile for opening her attack on
him He saw this with his intellectual eye just for a short fleeting while as
by the light of a falling lamp one might momentarily see an inscription on a
wall before being enshrouded in darkness And then this passing discriminative
power was withdrawn and Jude was lost to all conditions of things in the advent
of a fresh and wild pleasure that of having found a new channel for emotional
interest hitherto unsuspected though it had lain close beside him He was to
meet this enkindling one of the other sex on the following Sunday
Meanwhile the girl had joined her companions and she silently resumed her
flicking and sousing of the chitterlings in the pellucid stream
»Catched un my dear« laconically asked the girl called Anny
»I dont know I wish I had thrown something else than that« regretfully
murmured Arabella
»Lord hes nobody though you med think so He used to drive old Drusilla
Fawleys breadcart out at Marygreen till he prenticed himself at Alfredston
Since then hes been very stuck up and always reading He wants to be a
scholar they say«
»O I dont care what he is or anything about n Dont you think it my
child«
»O dont ye You neednt try to deceive us What did you stay talking to
him for if you didnt want un Whether you do or whether you dont hes as
simple as a child I could see it as you courted on the bridge when he looked
at ee as if he had never seen a woman before in his born days Well hes to be
had by any woman who can get him to care for her a bit if she likes to set
herself to catch him the right way«
7
The next day Jude Fawley was pausing in his bedroom with the sloping ceiling
looking at the books on the table and then at the black mark on the plaster
above them made by the smoke of his lamp in past months
It was Sunday afternoon fourandtwenty hours after his meeting with
Arabella Donn During the whole bygone week he had been resolving to set this
afternoon apart for a special purpose the rereading of his Greek Testament
his new one with better type than his old copy following Griesbachs text as
amended by numerous correctors and with variorum readings in the margin He was
proud of the book having obtained it by boldly writing to its London publisher
a thing he had never done before
He had anticipated much pleasure in this afternoons reading under the
quiet roof of his greataunts house as formerly where he now slept only two
nights a week But a new thing a great hitch had happened yesterday in the
gliding and noiseless current of his life and he felt as a snake must feel who
has sloughed off its winter skin and cannot understand the brightness and
sensitiveness of its new one
He would not go out to meet her after all He sat down opened the book
and with his elbows firmly planted on the table and his hands to his temples
began at the beginning
H KAINH DIATHKH
Had he promised to call for her Surely he had She would wait indoors poor
girl and waste all her afternoon on account of him There was a something in
her too which was very winning apart from promises He ought not to break
faith with her Even though he had only Sundays and weekday evenings for
reading he could afford one afternoon seeing that other young men afforded so
many After today he would never probably see her again Indeed it would be
impossible considering what his plans were
In short as if materially a compelling arm of extraordinary muscular power
seized hold of him something which had nothing in common with the spirits and
influences that had moved him hitherto This seemed to care little for his
reason and his will nothing for his socalled elevated intentions and moved
him along as a violent schoolmaster a schoolboy he has seized by the collar in
a direction which tended towards the embrace of a woman for whom he had no
respect and whose life had nothing in common with his own except locality
H KAINH DIATHKH was no more heeded and the predestinate Jude sprang up and
across the room Foreseeing such an event he had already arrayed himself in his
best clothes In three minutes he was out of the house and descending by the
path across the wide vacant hollow of cornground which lay between the village
and the isolated house of Arabella in the dip beyond the upland
As he walked he looked at his watch He could be back in two hours easily
and a good long time would still remain to him for reading after tea
Passing the few unhealthy firtrees and cottage where the path joined the
highway he hastened along and struck away to the left descending the steep
side of the country to the west of the Brown House Here at the base of the
chalk formation he neared the brook that oozed from it and followed the stream
till he reached her dwelling A smell of piggeries came from the back and the
grunting of the originators of that smell He entered the garden and knocked at
the door with the knob of his stick
Somebody had seen him through the window for a male voice on the inside
said
»Arabella Heres your young man come coorting Mizzel my girl«
Jude winced at the words Courting in such a businesslike aspect as it
evidently wore to the speaker was the last thing he was thinking of He was
going to walk with her perhaps kiss her but courting was too coolly purposeful
to be anything but repugnant to his ideas The door was opened and he entered
just as Arabella came downstairs in radiant walking attire
»Take a chair Mr Whatsyourname« said her father an energetic
blackwhiskered man in the same businesslike tones Jude had heard from
outside
»Id rather go out at once wouldnt you« she whispered to Jude
»Yes« said he »Well walk up to the Brown House and back we can do it in
halfanhour«
Arabella looked so handsome amid her untidy surroundings that he felt glad
he had come and all the misgivings vanished that had hitherto haunted him
First they clambered to the top of the great down during which ascent he
had occasionally to take her hand to assist her Then they bore off to the left
along the crest into the ridgeway which they followed till it intersected the
highroad at the Brown House aforesaid the spot of his former fervid desires to
be hold Christminster But he forgot them now He talked the commonest local
twaddle to Arabella with greater zest than he would have felt in discussing all
the philosophies with all the Dons in the recently adored University and passed
the spot where he had knelt to Diana and Phoebus without remembering that there
were any such people in the mythology or that the Sun was anything else than a
useful lamp for illuminating Arabellas face An indescribable lightness of heel
served to lift him along and Jude the incipient scholar prospective DD
Professor Bishop or what not felt himself honoured and glorified by the
condescension of this handsome country wench in agreeing to take a walk with him
in her Sunday frock and ribbons
They reached the Brown House barn the point at which he had planned to
turn back While looking over the vast northern landscape from this spot they
were struck by the rising of a dense volume of smoke from the neighbourhood of
the little town which lay beneath them at a distance of a couple of miles
»It is a fire« said Arabella »Lets run and see it do It is not far«
The tenderness which had grown up in Judes bosom left him no will to thwart
her inclination now which pleased him in affording him excuse for a longer
time with her They started off down the hill almost at a trot but on gaining
level ground at the bottom and walking a mile they found that the spot of the
fire was much further off than it had seemed
Having begun their journey however they pushed on but it was not till
five oclock that they found themselves on the scene the distance being
altogether about halfadozen miles from Marygreen and three from Arabellas
The conflagration had been got under by the time they reached it and after a
short inspection of the melancholy ruins they retraced their steps their
course lying through the town of Alfredston
Arabella said she would like some tea and they entered an inn of an
inferior class and gave their order As it was not for beer they had a long
time to wait The maidservant recognized Jude and whispered her surprise to
her mistress in the background that he the student who kept hisself up so
particular should have suddenly descended so low as to keep company with
Arabella The latter guessed what was being said and laughed as she met the
serious and tender gaze of her lover the low and triumphant laugh of a
careless woman who sees she is winning her game
They sat and looked round the room and at the picture of Samson and Delilah
which hung on the wall and at the circular beerstains on the table and at the
spittoons underfoot filled with sawdust The whole aspect of the scene had that
depressing effect on Jude which few places can produce like a taproom on a
Sunday evening when the setting sun is slanting in and no liquor is going and
the unfortunate wayfarer finds himself with no other haven of rest
It began to grow dusk They could not wait longer really for the tea they
said »Yet what else can we do« asked Jude »It is a threemile walk for you«
»I suppose we can have some beer« said Arabella
»Beer O yes I had forgotten that Somehow it seems odd to come to a
publichouse for beer on a Sunday evening«
»But we didnt«
»No we didnt« Jude by this time wished he was out of such an uncongenial
atmosphere but he ordered the beer which was promptly brought
Arabella tasted it »Ugh« she said
Jude tasted »Whats the matter with it« he asked »I dont understand beer
very much now it is true I like it well enough but it is bad to read on and
I find coffee better But this seems all right«
»Adulterated I cant touch it« She mentioned three or four ingredients
that she detected in the liquor beyond malt and hops much to Judes surprise
»How much you know« he said goodhumouredly
Nevertheless she returned to the beer and drank her share and they went on
their way It was now nearly dark and as soon as they had withdrawn from the
lights of the town they walked closer together till they touched each other
She wondered why he did not put his arm round her waist but he did not he
merely said what to himself seemed a quite bold enough thing »Take my arm«
She took it thoroughly up to the shoulder He felt the warmth of her body
against his and putting his stick under his other arm held with his right hand
her right as it rested in its place
»Now we are well together dear arent we« he observed
»Yes« said she adding to herself »Rather mild«
»How fast I have become« he was thinking
Thus they walked till they reached the foot of the upland where they could
see the white highway ascending before them in the gloom From this point the
only way of getting to Arabellas was by going up the incline and dipping again
into her valley on the right Before they had climbed far they were nearly run
into by two men who had been walking on the grass unseen
»These lovers you find em out o doors in all seasons and weathers
lovers and homeless dogs only« said one of the men as they vanished down the
hill
Arabella tittered lightly
»Are we lovers« asked Jude
»You know best«
»But you can tell me«
For answer she inclined her head upon his shoulder Jude took the hint and
encircling her waist with his arm pulled her to him and kissed her
They walked now no longer arm in arm but as she had desired clasped
together After all what did it matter since it was dark said Jude to himself
When they were half way up the long hill they paused as by arrangement and he
kissed her again They reached the top and he kissed her once more
»You can keep your arm there if you would like to« she said gently
He did so thinking how trusting she was
Thus they slowly went towards her home He had left his cottage at halfpast
three intending to be sitting down again to the New Testament by halfpast
five It was nine oclock when with another embrace he stood to deliver her up
at her fathers door
She asked him to come in if only for a minute as it would seem so odd
otherwise and as if she had been out alone in the dark He gave way and
followed her in Immediately that the door was opened he found in addition to
her parents several neighbours sitting round They all spoke in a
congratulatory manner and took him seriously as Arabellas intended partner
They did not belong to his set or circle and he felt out of place and
embarrassed He had not meant this a mere afternoon of pleasant walking with
Arabella that was all he had meant He did not stay longer than to speak to her
stepmother a simple quiet woman without features or character and bidding
them all good night plunged with a sense of relief into the track over the down
But that sense was only temporary Arabella soon reasserted her sway in his
soul He walked as if he felt himself to be another man from the Jude of
yesterday What were his books to him what were his intentions hitherto
adhered to so strictly as to not wasting a single minute of time day by day
Wasting It depended on your point of view to define that he was just living
for the first time not wasting life It was better to love a woman than to be a
graduate or a parson ay or a pope
When he got back to the house his aunt had gone to bed and a general
consciousness of his neglect seemed written on the face of all things
confronting him He went upstairs without a light and the dim interior of his
room accosted him with sad inquiry There lay his book open just as he had left
it and the capital letters on the titlepage regarded him with fixed reproach
in the grey starlight like the unclosed eyes of a dead man
H KAINH DIATHKH
Jude had to leave early next morning for his usual week of absence at lodgings
and it was with a sense of futility that he threw into his basket upon his tools
and other necessaries the unread book he had brought with him
He kept his impassioned doings a secret almost from himself Arabella on
the contrary made them public among all her friends and acquaintance
Retracing by the light of dawn the road he had followed a few hours earlier
under cover of darkness with his sweetheart by his side he reached the bottom
of the hill where he walked slowly and stood still He was on the spot where
he had given her the first kiss As the sun had only just risen it was possible
that nobody had passed there since Jude looked on the ground and sighed He
looked closely and could just discern in the damp dust the imprints of their
feet as they had stood locked in each others arms She was not there now and
the embroidery of imagination upon the stuff of nature so depicted her past
presence that a void was in his heart which nothing could fill A pollard willow
stood close to the place and that willow was different from all other willows
in the world Utter annihilation of the six days which must elapse before he
could see her again as he had promised would have been his intensest wish if he
had had only the week to live
An hour and half later Arabella came along the same way with her two
companions of the Saturday She passed unheedingly the scene of the kiss and
the willow that marked it though chattering freely on the subject to the other
two
»And what did he tell ee next«
»Then he said « And she related almost word for word some of his tenderest
speeches If Jude had been behind the fence he would have felt not a little
surprised at learning how very few of his sayings and doings on the previous
evening were private
»Youve got him to care for ee a bit nation if you hant« murmured Anny
judicially »Its well to be you«
In a few moments Arabella replied in a curiously low hungry tone of latent
sensuousness »Ive got him to care for me yes But I want him to more than
care for me I want him to have me to marry me I must have him I cant do
without him Hes the sort of man I long for I shall go mad if I cant give
myself to him altogether I felt I should when I first saw him«
»As he is a romancing straightforard honest chap hes to be had and as
a husband if you set about catching him in the right way«
Arabella remained thinking awhile »What med be the right way« she asked
»O you dont know you dont« said Sarah the third girl
»On my word I dont No further that is than by plain courting and
taking care he dont go too far«
The third girl looked at the second »She dont know Tis clear she dont«
said Anny
»And having lived in a town too as one may say Well we can teach ee
somat then as well as you us«
»Yes And how do you mean a sure way to gain a man Take me for an
innocent and have done wi it«
»As a husband«
»As a husband«
»A countryman thats honourable and seriousminded such as he God forbid
that I should say a sojer or sailor or commercial gent from the towns or any
of them that be slippery with poor women Id do no friend that harm«
»Well such as he of course«
Arabellas companions looked at each other and turning up their eyes in
drollery began smirking Then one went up close to Arabella and although
nobody was near imparted some information in a low tone the other observing
curiously the effect upon Arabella
»Ah« said the lastnamed slowly »I own I didnt think of that way But
suppose he isnt honourable A woman had better not have tried it«
»Nothing venture nothing have Besides you make sure that hes honourable
before you begin Youd be safe enough with yours I wish I had the chance Lots
of girls do it or do you think theyd get married at all«
Arabella pursued her way in silent thought »Ill try it« she whispered
but not to them
8
One weeks end Jude was as usual walking out to his aunts at Marygreen from his
lodging in Alfredston a walk which now had large attractions for him quite
other than his desire to see his aged and morose relative He diverged to the
right before ascending the hill with the single purpose of gaining on his way
a glimpse of Arabella that should not come into the reckoning of regular
appointments Before quite reaching the homestead his alert eye perceived the
top of her head moving quickly hither and thither over the garden hedge
Entering the gate he found that three young unfattened pigs had escaped from
their sty by leaping clean over the top and that she was endeavouring
unassisted to drive them in through the door which she had set open The lines
of her countenance changed from the rigidity of business to the softness of love
when she saw Jude and she bent her eyes languishingly upon him The animals
took advantage of the pause by doubling and bolting out of the way
»They were only put in this morning« she cried stimulated to pursue in
spite of her lovers presence »They were drove from Spaddleholt Farm only
yesterday where father bought em at a stiff price enough They are wanting to
get home again the stupid toads Will you shut the garden gate dear and help
me to get em in There are no men folk at home only mother and theyll be
lost if we dont mind«
He set himself to assist and dodged this way and that over the potato rows
and the cabbages Every now and then they ran together when he caught her for a
moment and kissed her The first pig was got back promptly the second with some
difficulty the third a longlegged creature was more obstinate and agile He
plunged through a hole in the garden hedge and into the lane
»Hell be lost if I dont follow n« said she »Come along with me«
She rushed in full pursuit out of the garden Jude alongside her barely
contriving to keep the fugitive in sight Occasionally they would shout to some
boy to stop the animal but he always wriggled past and ran on as before
»Let me take your hand darling« said Jude »You are getting out of
breath« She gave him her now hot hand with apparent willingness and they
trotted along together
»This comes of driving em home« she remarked »They always know the way
back if you do that They ought to have been carted over«
By this time the pig had reached an unfastened gate admitting to the open
down across which he sped with all the agility his little legs afforded As
soon as the pursuers had entered and ascended to the top of the high ground it
became apparent that they would have to run all the way to the farmers if they
wished to get at him From this summit he could be seen as a minute speck
following an unerring line towards his old home
»It is no good« cried Arabella »Hell be there long before we get there
It dont matter now we know hes not lost or stolen on the way Theyll see it
is ours and send un back O dear how hot I be«
Without relinquishing her hold of Judes hand she swerved aside and flung
herself down on the sod under a stunted thorn precipitately pulling Jude on to
his knees at the same time
»O I ask pardon I nearly threw you down didnt I But I am so tired«
She lay supine and straight as an arrow on the sloping sod of this
hilltop gazing up into the blue miles of sky and still retaining her warm
hold of Judes hand He reclined on his elbow near her
»Weve run all this way for nothing« she went on her form heaving and
falling in quick pants her face flushed her full red lips parted and a fine
dew of perspiration on her skin »Well why dont you speak deary«
»Im blown too It was all up hill«
They were in absolute solitude the most apparent of all solitudes that of
empty surrounding space Nobody could be nearer than a mile to them without
their seeing him They were in fact on one of the summits of the county and
the distant landscape around Christminster could be discerned from where they
lay But Jude did not think of that then
»O I can see such a pretty thing up this tree« said Arabella »A sort of a
caterpillar of the most loveliest green and yellow you ever came across«
»Where« said Jude sitting up
»You cant see him there you must come here« said she
He bent nearer and put his head in front of hers »No I cant see it« he
said
»Why on the limb there where it branches off close to the moving leaf
there« She gently pulled him down beside her
»I dont see it« he repeated the back of his head against her cheek »But
I can perhaps standing up« He stood accordingly placing himself in the
direct line of her gaze
»How stupid you are« she said crossly turning away her face
»I dont care to see it dear why should I« he replied looking down upon
her »Get up Abby«
»Why«
»I want you to let me kiss you Ive been waiting to ever so long«
She rolled round her face remained a moment looking deedily aslant at him
then with a slight curl of the lip sprang to her feet and exclaiming abruptly
»I must mizzel« walked off quickly homeward Jude followed and rejoined her
»Just one« he coaxed
»Shant« she said
He surprised »Whats the matter«
She kept her two lips resentfully together and Jude followed her like a pet
lamb till she slackened her pace and walked beside him talking calmly on
indifferent subjects and always checking him if he tried to take her hand or
clasp her waist Thus they descended to the precincts of her fathers homestead
and Arabella went in nodding goodbye to him with a supercilious affronted
air
»I expect I took too much liberty with her somehow« Jude said to himself
as he withdrew with a sigh and went on to Marygreen
On Sunday morning the interior of Arabellas home was as usual the scene
of a grand weekly cooking the preparation of the special Sunday dinner Her
father was shaving before a little glass hung on the mullion of the window and
her mother and Arabella herself were shelling beans hard by A neighbour passed
on her way home from morning service at the nearest church and seeing Donn
engaged at the window with the razor nodded and came in
She at once spoke playfully to Arabella »I zeed ee running with un
heehee I hope tis coming to something«
Arabella merely threw a look of consciousness into her face without raising
her eyes
»Hes for Christminster I hear as soon as he can get there«
»Have you heard that lately quite lately« asked Arabella with a jealous
tigerish indrawing of breath
»O no But it has been known a long time that it is his plan Hes ony
waiting here for an opening Ah well he must walk about with somebody I spose
Young men dont mean much nowadays Tis a sip here and a sip there with em
Twas different in my time«
When the gossip had departed Arabella said suddenly to her mother »I want
you and father to go and inquire how the Edlins be this evening after tea Or
no theres evening service at Fensworth you can walk to that«
»Oh Whats up tonight then«
»Nothing Only I want the house to myself Hes shy and I cant get un to
come in when you are here I shall let him slip through my fingers if I dont
mind much as I care for n«
»If it is fine we med as well go since you wish«
In the afternoon Arabella met and walked with Jude who had now for weeks
ceased to look into a book of Greek Latin or any other tongue They wandered
up the slopes till they reached the green track along the ridge which they
followed to the circular British earthbank adjoining Jude thinking of the
great age of the trackway and of the drovers who had frequented it probably
before the Romans knew the country Up from the level lands below them floated
the chime of church bells Presently they were reduced to one note which
quickened and stopped
»Now well go back« said Arabella who had attended to the sounds
Jude assented So long as he was near her he minded little where he was
When they arrived at her house he said lingeringly »I wont come in Why are
you in such a hurry to go in tonight It is not near dark«
»Wait a moment« said she She tried the handle of the door and found it
locked
»Ah they are gone to church« she added And searching behind the scraper
she found the key and unlocked the door »Now youll come in a moment« she
asked lightly »We shall be all alone«
»Certainly« said Jude with alacrity the case being unexpectedly altered
Indoors they went Did he want any tea No it was too late he would rather
sit and talk to her She took off her jacket and hat and they sat down
naturally enough close together
»Dont touch me please« she said softly »I am part eggshell Or perhaps
I had better put it in a safe place« She began unfastening the collar of her
gown
»What is it« said her lover
»An egg a cochins egg I am hatching a very rare sort I carry it about
everywhere with me and it will get hatched in less than three weeks«
»Where do you carry it«
»Just here« She put her hand into her bosom and drew out the egg which was
wrapped in wool outside it being a piece of pigs bladder in case of
accidents Having exhibited it to him she put it back »Now mind you dont come
near me I dont want to get it broke and have to begin another«
»Why do you do such a strange thing«
»Its an old custom I suppose it is natural for a woman to want to bring
live things into the world«
»It is very awkward for me just now« he said laughing
»It serves you right There thats all you can have of me«
She had turned round her chair and reaching over the back of it presented
her cheek to him gingerly
»Thats very shabby of you«
»You should have catched me a minute ago when I had put the egg down
There« she said defiantly »I am without it now« She had quickly withdrawn the
egg a second time but before he could quite reach her she had put it back as
quickly laughing with the excitement of her strategy Then there was a little
struggle Jude making a plunge for it and capturing it triumphantly Her face
flushed and becoming suddenly conscious he flushed also
They looked at each other panting till he rose and said »One kiss now I
can do it without damage to property and Ill go«
But she had jumped up too »You must find me first« she cried
Her lover followed her as she withdrew It was now dark inside the room and
the window being small he could not discover for a long time what had become of
her till a laugh revealed her to have rushed up the stairs whither Jude rushed
at her heels
9
It was some two months later in the year and the pair had met constantly during
the interval Arabella seemed dissatisfied she was always imagining and
waiting and wondering
One day she met the itinerant Vilbert She like all the cottagers
thereabout knew the quack well and she began telling him of her experiences
Arabella had been gloomy but before he left her she had grown brighter That
evening she kept an appointment with Jude who seemed sad
»I am going away« he said to her »I think I ought to go I think it will
be better both for you and for me I wish some things had never begun I was
much to blame I know But it is never too late to mend«
Arabella began to cry »How do you know it is not too late« she said
»Thats all very well to say I havent told you yet« and she looked into his
face with streaming eyes
»What« he asked turning pale »Not«
»Yes And what shall I do if you desert me«
»O Arabella how can you say that my dear You know I wouldnt desert
you«
»Well then «
»I have next to no wages as yet you know or perhaps I should have thought
of this before But of course if thats the case we must marry What other
thing do you think I could dream of doing«
»I thought I thought deary perhaps you would go away all the more for
that and leave me to face it alone«
»You knew better Of course I never dreamt six months ago or even three of
marrying It is a complete smashing up of my plans I mean my plans before I
knew you my dear But what are they after all Dreams about books and
degrees and impossible fellowships and all that Certainly well marry we
must«
That night he went out alone and walked in the dark selfcommuning He
knew well too well in the secret centre of his brain that Arabella was not
worth a great deal as a specimen of womankind Yet such being the custom of the
rural districts among honourable young men who had drifted so far into intimacy
with a woman as he unfortunately had done he was ready to abide by what he had
said and take the consequences For his own soothing he kept up a factitious
belief in her His idea of her was the thing of most consequence not Arabella
herself he sometimes said laconically
The banns were put in and published the very next Sunday The people of the
parish all said what a simple fool young Fawley was All his reading had only
come to this that he would have to sell his books to buy saucepans Those who
guessed the probable state of affairs Arabellas parents being among them
declared that it was the sort of conduct they would have expected of such an
honest young man as Jude in reparation of the wrong he had done his innocent
sweetheart The parson who married them seemed to think it satisfactory too
And so standing before the aforesaid officiator the two swore that at
every other time of their lives till death took them they would assuredly
believe feel and desire precisely as they had believed felt and desired
during the few preceding weeks What was as remarkable as the undertaking itself
was the fact that nobody seemed at all surprised at what they swore
Fawleys aunt being a baker she made him a bridecake saying bitterly that
it was the last thing she could do for him poor silly fellow and that it would
have been far better if instead of his living to trouble her he had gone
underground years before with his father and mother Of this cake Arabella took
some slices wrapped them up in white notepaper and sent them to her
companions in the porkdressing business Anny and Sarah labelling each packet
In remembrance of good advice
The prospects of the newly married couple were certainly not very brilliant
even to the most sanguine mind He a stonemasons apprentice nineteen years
of age was working for half wages till he should be out of his time His wife
was absolutely useless in a townlodging where he at first had considered it
would be necessary for them to live But the urgent need of adding to income in
ever so little a degree caused him to take a lonely roadside cottage between the
Brown House and Marygreen that he might have the profits of a vegetable garden
and utilize her past experiences by letting her keep a pig But it was not the
sort of life he had bargained for and it was a long way to walk to and from
Alfredston every day Arabella however felt that all these makeshifts were
temporary she had gained a husband that was the thing a husband with a lot
of earning power in him for buying her frocks and hats when he should begin to
get frightened a bit and stick to his trade and throw aside those stupid books
for practical undertakings
So to the cottage he took her on the evening of the marriage giving up his
old room at his aunts where so much of the hard labour at Greek and Latin had
been carried on
A little chill overspread him at her first unrobing A long tail of hair
which Arabella wore twisted up in an enormous knob at the back of her head was
deliberately unfastened stroked out and hung upon the lookingglass which he
had bought her
»What it wasnt your own« he said with a sudden distaste for her
»O no it never is nowadays with the better class«
»Nonsense Perhaps not in towns But in the country it is supposed to be
different Besides youve enough of your own surely«
»Yes enough as country notions go But in towns the men expect more and
when I was barmaid at Aldbrickham «
»Barmaid at Aldbrickham
Well not exactly barmaid I used to draw the drink at a publichouse there
just for a little time that was all Some people put me up to getting this
and I bought it just for a fancy The more you have the better in Aldbrickham
which is a finer town than all your Christminsters Every lady of position wears
false hair the barbers assistant told me so«
Jude thought with a feeling of sickness that though this might be true to
some extent for all that he knew many unsophisticated girls would and did go
to towns and remain there for years without losing their simplicity of life and
embellishments Others alas had an instinct towards artificiality in their
very blood and became adepts in counterfeiting at the first glimpse of it
However perhaps there was no great sin in a woman adding to her hair and he
resolved to think no more of it
A newmade wife can usually manage to excite interest for a few weeks even
though the prospects of the household ways and means are cloudy There is a
certain piquancy about her situation and her manner to her acquaintance at the
sense of it which carries off the gloom of facts and renders even the humblest
bride independent awhile of the real Mrs Jude Fawley was walking in the
streets of Alfredston one marketday with this quality in her carriage when she
met Anny her former friend whom she had not seen since the wedding
As usual they laughed before talking the world seemed funny to them without
saying it
»So it turned out a good plan you see« remarked the girl to the wife »I
knew it would with such as him Hes a dear good fellow and you ought to be
proud of un«
»I am« said Mrs Fawley quietly
»And when do you expect «
»Ssh Not at all«
»What«
»I was mistaken«
»O Arabella Arabella you be a deep one Mistaken well thats clever
its a real stroke of genius It is a thing I never thought o wi all my
experience I never thought beyond bringing about the real thing not that one
could sham it«
»Dont you be too quick to cry sham Twasnt sham I didnt know«
»My word wont he be in a taking Hell give it to ee o Saturday nights
Whatever it was hell say it was a trick a double one by the Lord«
»Ill own to the first but not to the second Pooh he wont care
Hell be glad I was wrong in what I said Hell shake down bless ee men
always do What can em do otherwise Married is married«
Nevertheless it was with a little uneasiness that Arabella approached the
time when in the natural course of things she would have to reveal that the
alarm she had raised had been without foundation The occasion was one evening
at bedtime and they were in their chamber in the lonely cottage by the wayside
to which Jude walked home from his work every day He had worked hard the whole
twelve hours and had retired to rest before his wife When she came into the
room he was between sleeping and waking and was barely conscious of her
undressing before the little lookingglass as he lay
One action of hers however brought him to full cognition Her face being
reflected towards him as she sat he could perceive that she was amusing herself
by artificially producing in each cheek the dimple before alluded to a curious
accomplishment of which she was mistress effecting it by a momentary suction
It seemed to him for the first time that the dimples were far oftener absent
from her face during his intercourse with her nowadays than they had been in the
earlier weeks of their acquaintance
»Dont do that Arabella« he said suddenly »There is no harm in it but
I dont like to see you«
She turned and laughed »Lord I didnt know you were awake« she said »How
countrified you are Thats nothing«
»Where did you learn it«
»Nowhere that I know of They used to stay without any trouble when I was at
the publichouse but now they wont My face was fatter then«
»I dont care about dimples I dont think they improve a woman
particularly a married woman and of fullsized figure like you«
»Most men think otherwise«
»I dont care what most men think if they do How do you know«
»I used to be told so when I was serving in the taproom«
»Ah that publichouse experience accounts for your knowing about the
adulteration of the ale when we went and had some that Sunday evening I thought
when I married you that you had always lived in your fathers house«
»You ought to have known better than that and seen I was a little more
finished than I could have been by staying where I was born There was not much
to do at home and I was eating my head off so I went away for three months«
»Youll soon have plenty to do now dear wont you«
»How do you mean«
»Why of course little things to make«
»Oh«
»When will it be Cant you tell me exactly instead of in such general
terms as you have used«
»Tell you«
»Yes the date«
»Theres nothing to tell I made a mistake«
»What«
»It was a mistake«
He sat bolt upright in bed and looked at her »How can that be«
»Women fancy wrong things sometimes«
»But Why of course so unprepared as I was without a stick of
furniture and hardly a shilling I shouldnt have hurried on our affair and
brought you to a halffurnished hut before I was ready if it had not been for
the news you gave me which made it necessary to save you ready or no Good
God«
»Dont take on dear Whats done cant be undone«
»I have no more to say«
He gave the answer simply and lay down and there was silence between them
When Jude awoke the next morning he seemed to see the world with a different
eye As to the point in question he was compelled to accept her word in the
circumstances he could not have acted otherwise while ordinary notions
prevailed But how came they to prevail
There seemed to him vaguely and dimly something wrong in a social ritual
which made necessary a cancelling of wellformed schemes involving years of
thought and labour of foregoing a mans one opportunity of showing himself
superior to the lower animals and of contributing his units of work to the
general progress of his generation because of a momentary surprise by a new and
transitory instinct which had nothing in it of the nature of vice and could be
only at the most called weakness He was inclined to inquire what he had done
or she lost for that matter that he deserved to be caught in a gin which would
cripple him if not her also for the rest of a lifetime There was perhaps
something fortunate in the fact that the immediate reason of his marriage had
proved to be nonexistent But the marriage remained
10
The time arrived for killing the pig which Jude and his wife had fattened in
their sty during the autumn months and the butchering was timed to take place
as soon as it was light in the morning so that Jude might get to Alfredston
without losing more than a quarter of a day
The night had seemed strangely silent Jude looked out of the window long
before dawn and perceived that the ground was covered with snow snow rather
deep for the season it seemed a few flakes still falling
»Im afraid the pigkiller wont be able to come« he said to Arabella
»O hell come You must get up and make the water hot if you want Challow
to scald him Though I like singeing best«
»Ill get up« said Jude »I like the way of my own county«
He went downstairs lit the fire under the copper and began feeding it with
beanstalks all the time without a candle the blaze flinging a cheerful shine
into the room though for him the sense of cheerfulness was lessened by thoughts
on the reason of that blaze to heat water to scald the bristles from the body
of an animal that as yet lived and whose voice could be continually heard from
a corner of the garden At halfpast six the time of appointment with the
butcher the water boiled and Judes wife came downstairs
»Is Challow come« she asked
»No«
They waited and it grew lighter with the dreary light of a snowy dawn She
went out gazed along the road and returning said »Hes not coming Drunk last
night I expect The snow is not enough to hinder him surely«
»Then we must put it off It is only the water boiled for nothing The snow
may be deep in the valley«
»Cant be put off Theres no more victuals for the pig He ate the last
mixing o barleymeal yesterday morning«
»Yesterday morning What has he lived on since«
»Nothing«
»What he has been starving«
»Yes We always do it the last day or two to save bother with the innerds
What ignorance not to know that«
»That accounts for his crying so Poor creature«
»Well you must do the sticking theres no help for it Ill show you
how Or Ill do it myself I think I could Though as it is such a big pig I
had rather Challow had done it However his basket o knives and things have
been already sent on here and we can use em«
»Of course you shant do it« said Jude »Ill do it since it must be
done«
He went out to the sty shovelled away the snow for the space of a couple of
yards or more and placed the stool in front with the knives and ropes at hand
A robin peered down at the preparations from the nearest tree and not liking
the sinister look of the scene flew away though hungry By this time Arabella
had joined her husband and Jude rope in hand got into the sty and noosed the
affrighted animal who beginning with a squeak of surprise rose to repeated
cries of rage Arabella opened the stydoor and together they hoisted the victim
on to the stool legs upward and while Jude held him Arabella bound him down
looping the cord over his legs to keep him from struggling
The animals note changed its quality It was not now rage but the cry of
despair longdrawn slow and hopeless
»Upon my soul I would sooner have gone without the pig than have had this to
do« said Jude »A creature I have fed with my own hands«
»Dont be such a tenderhearted fool Theres the stickingknife the one
with the point Now whatever you do dont stick un too deep«
»Ill stick him effectually so as to make short work of it Thats the
chief thing«
»You must not« she cried »The meat must be well bled and to do that he
must die slow We shall lose a shilling a score if the meat is red and bloody
Just touch the vein thats all I was brought up to it and I know Every good
butcher keeps un bleeding long He ought to be eight or ten minutes dying at
least«
»He shall not be half a minute if I can help it however the meat may look«
said Jude determinedly Scraping the bristles from the pigs upturned throat as
he had seen the butchers do he slit the fat then plunged in the knife with all
his might
»Od damn it all« she cried »that ever I should say it Youve overstuck
un And I telling you all the time «
»Do be quiet Arabella and have a little pity on the creature«
»Hold up the pail to catch the blood and dont talk«
However unworkmanlike the deed it had been mercifully done The blood
flowed out in a torrent instead of in the trickling stream she had desired The
dying animals cry assumed its third and final tone the shriek of agony his
glazing eyes riveting themselves on Arabella with the eloquently keen reproach
of a creature recognizing at last the treachery of those who had seemed his only
friends
»Make un stop that« said Arabella »Such a noise will bring somebody or
other up here and I dont want people to know we are doing it ourselves«
Picking up the knife from the ground whereon Jude had flung it she slipped it
into the gash and slit the windpipe The pig was instantly silent his dying
breath coming through the hole
»Thats better« she said
»It is a hateful business« said he
»Pigs must be killed«
The animal heaved in a final convulsion and despite the rope kicked out
with all his last strength A tablespoonful of black clot came forth the
trickling of red blood having ceased for some seconds
»Thats it now hell go« said she »Artful creatures they always keep
back a drop like that as long as they can«
The last plunge had come so unexpectedly as to make Jude stagger and in
recovering himself he kicked over the vessel in which the blood had been caught
»There« she cried thoroughly in a passion »Now I cant make any blackpot
Theres a waste all through you«
Jude put the pail upright but only about a third of the whole steaming
liquid was left in it the main part being splashed over the snow and forming a
dismal sordid ugly spectacle to those who saw it as other than an ordinary
obtaining of meat The lips and nostrils of the animal turned livid then white
and the muscles of his limbs relaxed
»Thank God« Jude said »Hes dead«
»Whats God got to do with such a messy job as a pigkilling I should like
to know« she said scornfully »Poor folks must live«
»I know I know« said he »I dont scold you«
Suddenly they became aware of a voice at hand
»Well done young married volk I couldnt have carried it out much better
myself cuss me if I could« The voice which was husky came from the
gardengate and looking up from the scene of slaughter they saw the burly form
of Mr Challow leaning over the gate critically surveying their performance
»Tis well for ee to stand there and glane« said Arabella »Owing to your
being late the meat is blooded and half spoiled Twont fetch so much by a
shilling a score«
Challow expressed his contrition »You should have waited a bit« he said
shaking his head »and not have done this in the delicate state too that you
be in at present maam Tis risking yourself too much«
»You neednt be concerned about that« said Arabella laughing Jude too
laughed but there was a strong flavour of bitterness in his amusement
Challow made up for his neglect of the killing by zeal in the scalding and
scraping Jude felt dissatisfied with himself as a man at what he had done
though aware of his lack of common sense and that the deed would have amounted
to the same thing if carried out by deputy The white snow stained with the
blood of his fellowmortal wore an illogical look to him as a lover of justice
not to say a Christian but he could not see how the matter was to be mended No
doubt he was as his wife had called him a tenderhearted fool
He did not like the road to Alfredston now It stared him cynically in the
face The wayside objects reminded him so much of his courtship of his wife
that to keep them out of his eyes he read whenever he could as he walked to
and from his work Yet he sometimes felt that by caring for books he was not
escaping commonplace nor gaining rare ideas every workingman being of that
taste now When passing near the spot by the stream on which he had first made
her acquaintance he one day heard voices just as he had done at that earlier
time One of the girls who had been Arabellas companions was talking to a
friend in a shed himself being the subject of discourse possibly because they
had seen him in the distance They were quite unaware that the shedwalls were
so thin that he could hear their words as he passed
»Howsomever twas I put her up to it Nothing venture nothing have I said
If I hadnt shed no more have been his misess than I Tis my belief she knew
there was nothing the matter when she told him she was«
What had Arabella been put up to by this woman so that he should make her
his misess otherwise wife The suggestion was horridly unpleasant and it
rankled in his mind so much that instead of entering his own cottage when he
reached it he flung his basket inside the gardengate and passed on determined
to go and see his old aunt and get some supper there
This made his arrival home rather late Arabella however was busy melting
down lard from fat of the deceased pig for she had been out on a jaunt all day
and so delayed her work Dreading lest what he had heard should lead him to say
something regrettable to her he spoke little But Arabella was very talkative
and said among other things that she wanted some money Seeing the book sticking
out of his pocket she added that he ought to earn more
»An apprentices wages are not meant to be enough to keep a wife on as a
rule my dear«
»Then you shouldnt have had one«
»Come Arabella Thats too bad when you know how it came about«
»Ill declare afore Heaven that I thought what I told you was true Doctor
Vilbert thought so It was a good job for you that it wasnt so«
»I dont mean that« he said hastily »I mean before that time I know it
was not your fault but those women friends of yours gave you bad advice If
they hadnt or you hadnt taken it we should at this moment have been free
from a bond which not to mince matters galls both of us devilishly It may be
very sad but it is true«
»Whos been telling you about my friends What advice I insist upon your
telling me«
»Pooh Id rather not«
»But you shall you ought to It is mean of ee not to«
»Very well« And he hinted gently what had been revealed to him »But I
dont wish to dwell upon it Let us say no more about it«
Her defensive manner collapsed »That was nothing« she said laughing
coldly »Every woman has a right to do such as that The risk is hers«
»I quite deny it Bella She might if no lifelong penalty attached to it
for the man or in his default for herself if the weakness of the moment
could end with the moment or even with the year But when effects stretch so
far she should not go and do that which entraps a man if he is honest or
herself if he is otherwise«
»What ought I to have done«
»Given me time Why do you fuss yourself about melting down that pigs
fat tonight Please put it away«
»Then I must do it tomorrow morning It wont keep«
»Very well do«
11
Next morning which was Sunday she resumed operations about ten oclock and
the renewed work recalled the conversation which had accompanied it the night
before and put her back into the same intractable temper
»Thats the story about me in Marygreen is it that I entrapped ee Much
of a catch you were Lord send« As she warmed she saw some of Judes dear
ancient classics on a table where they ought not to have been laid »I wont
have them books here in the way« she cried petulantly and seizing them one by
one she began throwing them upon the floor
»Leave my books alone« he said »You might have thrown them aside if you
had liked but as to soiling them like that it is disgusting« In the operation
of making lard Arabellas hands had become smeared with the hot grease and her
fingers consequently left very perceptible imprints on the bookcovers She
continued deliberately to toss the books severally upon the floor till Jude
incensed beyond bearing caught her by the arms to make her leave off Somehow
in doing so he loosened the fastening of her hair and it rolled about her
ears
»Let me go« she said
»Promise to leave the books alone«
She hesitated »Let me go« she repeated
»Promise«
After a pause »I do«
Jude relinquished his hold and she crossed the room to the door out of
which she went with a set face and into the highway Here she began to saunter
up and down perversely pulling her hair into a worse disorder than he had
caused and unfastening several buttons of her gown It was a fine Sunday
morning dry clear and frosty and the bells of Alfredston Church could be
heard on the breeze from the north People were going along the road dressed in
their holiday clothes they were mainly lovers such pairs as Jude and Arabella
had been when they sported along the same track some months earlier These
pedestrians turned to stare at the extraordinary spectacle she now presented
bonnetless her dishevelled hair blowing in the wind her bodice apart her
sleeves rolled above her elbows for her work and her hands reeking with melted
fat One of the passers said in mock terror »Good Lord deliver us«
»See how hes served me« she cried »Making me work Sunday mornings when I
ought to be going to my church and tearing my hair off my head and my gown off
my back«
Jude was exasperated and went out to drag her in by main force Then he
suddenly lost his heat Illuminated with the sense that all was over between
them and that it mattered not what she did or he her husband stood still
regarding her Their lives were ruined he thought ruined by the fundamental
error of their matrimonial union that of having based a permanent contract on a
temporary feeling which had no necessary connection with affinities that alone
render a lifelong comradeship tolerable
»Going to illuse me on principle as your father illused your mother and
your fathers sister illused her husband« she asked »All you be a queer lot
as husbands and wives«
Jude fixed an arrested surprised look on her But she said no more and
continued her saunter till she was tired He left the spot and after wandering
vaguely a little while walked in the direction of Marygreen Here he called
upon his greataunt whose infirmities daily increased
»Aunt did my father illuse my mother and my aunt her husband« said Jude
abruptly sitting down by the fire
She raised her ancient eyes under the rim of the bygone bonnet that she
always wore »Whos been telling you that« she said
»I have heard it spoken of and want to know all«
»You med so well I spose though your wife I reckon twas she must
have been a fool to open up that There isnt much to know after all Your
father and mother couldnt get on together and they parted It was coming home
from Alfredston market when you were a baby on the hill by the Brown House
barn that they had their last difference and took leave of one another for
the last time Your mother soon afterwards died she drowned herself in short
and your father went away with you to South Wessex and never came here any
more«
Jude recalled his fathers silence about North Wessex and Judes mother
never speaking of either till his dying day
»It was the same with your fathers sister Her husband offended her and
she so disliked living with him afterwards that she went away to London with her
little maid The Fawleys were not made for wedlock it never seemed to sit well
upon us Theres sommat in our blood that wont take kindly to the notion of
being bound to do what we do readily enough if not bound Thats why you ought
to have hearkened to me and not ha married«
»Where did father and mother part by the Brown House did you say«
»A little further on where the road to Fenworth branches off and the
handpost stands A gibbet once stood there not onconnected with our history But
let that be«
In the dusk of that evening Jude walked away from his old aunts as if to go
home But as soon as he reached the open down he struck out upon it till he came
to a large round pond The frost continued though it was not particularly
sharp and the larger stars overhead came out slow and flickering Jude put one
foot on the edge of the ice and then the other it cracked under his weight
but this did not deter him He ploughed his way inward to the centre the ice
making sharp noises as he went When just about the middle he looked around him
and gave a jump The cracking repeated itself but he did not go down He jumped
again but the cracking had ceased Jude went back to the edge and stepped upon
the ground
It was curious he thought What was he reserved for He supposed he was not
a sufficiently dignified person for suicide Peaceful death abhorred him as a
subject and would not take him
What could he do of a lower kind than selfextermination what was there
less noble more in keeping with his present degraded position He could get
drunk Of course that was it he had forgotten Drinking was the regular
stereotyped resource of the despairing worthless He began to see now why some
men boozed at inns He struck down the hill northwards and came to an obscure
publichouse On entering and sitting down the sight of the picture of Samson
and Delilah on the wall caused him to recognize the place as that he had visited
with Arabella on that first Sunday evening of their courtship He called for
liquor and drank briskly for an hour or more
Staggering homeward late that night with all his sense of depression gone
and his head fairly clear still he began to laugh boisterously and to wonder
how Arabella would receive him in his new aspect The house was in darkness when
he entered and in his stumbling state it was some time before he could get a
light Then he found that though the marks of pigdressing of fats and
scallops were visible the materials themselves had been taken away A line
written by his wife on the inside of an old envelope was pinned to the cotton
blower of the fireplace
»Have gone to my friends Shall not return«
All the next day he remained at home and sent off the carcase of the pig to
Alfredston He then cleaned up the premises locked the door put the key in a
place she would know if she came back and returned to his masonry at
Alfredston
At night when he again plodded home he found she had not visited the house
The next day went in the same way and the next Then there came a letter from
her
That she had grown tired of him she frankly admitted He was such a slow old
coach and she did not care for the sort of life he led There was no prospect
of his ever bettering himself or her She further went on to say that her
parents had as he knew for some time considered the question of emigrating to
Australia the pigjobbing business being a poor one nowadays They had at last
decided to go and she proposed to go with them if he had no objection A woman
of her sort would have more chance over there than in this stupid country
Jude replied that he had not the least objection to her going He thought it
a wise course since she wished to go and one that might be to the advantage of
both He enclosed in the packet containing the letter the money that had been
realized by the sale of the pig with all he had besides which was not much
From that day he heard no more of her except indirectly though her father
and his household did not immediately leave but waited till his goods and other
effects had been sold off When Jude learnt that there was to be an auction at
the house of the Donns he packed his own household goods into a waggon and sent
them to her at the aforesaid homestead that she might sell them with the rest
or as many of them as she should choose
He then went into lodgings at Alfredston and saw in a shopwindow the
little handbill announcing the sale of his fatherinlaws furniture He noted
its date which came and passed without Judes going near the place or
perceiving that the traffic out of Alfredston by the southern road was
materially increased by the auction A few days later he entered a dingy
brokers shop in the main street of the town and amid a heterogeneous
collection of saucepans a clotheshorse rolling pin brass candlestick swing
lookingglass and other things at the back of the shop evidently just brought
in from a sale he perceived a framed photograph which turned out to be his own
portrait
It was one which he had had specially taken and framed by a local man in
birdseye maple as a present for Arabella and had duly given her on their
weddingday On the back was still to be read Jude to Arabella with the date
She must have thrown it in with the rest of her property at the auction
»Oh« said the broker seeing him look at this and the other articles in the
heap and not perceiving that the portrait was of himself »It is a small lot of
stuff that was knocked down to me at a cottage sale out on the road to
Marygreen The frame is a very useful one if you take out the likeness You
shall have it for a shilling«
The utter death of every tender sentiment in his wife as brought home to
him by this mute and undesigned evidence of her sale of his portrait and gift
was the conclusive little stroke required to demolish all sentiment in him He
paid the shilling took the photograph away with him and burnt it frame and
all when he reached his lodging
Two or three days later he heard that Arabella and her parents had departed
He had sent a message offering to see her for a formal leavetaking but she had
said that it would be better otherwise since she was bent on going which
perhaps was true On the evening following their emigration when his days work
was done he came out of doors after supper and strolled in the starlight along
the too familiar road towards the upland whereon had been experienced the chief
emotions of his life It seemed to be his own again
He could not realize himself On the old track he seemed to be a boy still
hardly a day older than when he had stood dreaming at the top of that hill
inwardly fired for the first time with ardours for Christminster and
scholarship »Yet I am a man« he said »I have a wife More I have arrived at
the still riper stage of having disagreed with her disliked her had a scuffle
with her and parted from her«
He remembered then that he was standing not far from the spot at which the
parting between his father and his mother was said to have occurred
A little further on was the summit whence Christminster or what he had
taken for that city had seemed to be visible A milestone now as always stood
at the roadside hard by Jude drew near it and felt rather than read the
mileage to the city He remembered that once on his way home he had proudly cut
with his keen new chisel an inscription on the back of that milestone embodying
his aspirations It had been done in the first week of his apprenticeship
before he had been diverted from his purposes by an unsuitable woman He
wondered if the inscription were legible still and going to the back of the
milestone brushed away the nettles By the light of a match he could still
discern what he had cut so enthusiastically so long ago
THITHER
JF
The sight of it unimpaired within its screen of grass and nettles lit in his
soul a spark of the old fire Surely his plan should be to move onward through
good and ill to avoid morbid sorrow even though he did see uglinesses in the
world Bene agere et lætari to do good cheerfully which he had heard to be
the philosophy of one Spinoza might be his own even now
He might battle with his evil star and follow out his original intention
By moving to a spot a little way off he uncovered the horizon in a
northeasterly direction There actually rose the faint halo a small dim
nebulousness hardly recognizable save by the eye of faith It was enough for
him He would go to Christminster as soon as the term of his apprenticeship
expired
He returned to his lodgings in a better mood and said his prayers
Part Second
»Save his own soul he hath no star«
Swinburne
»Notitiam primosque gradus vicinia fecit
Tempore crevit amor«
Ovid
At Christminster
1
The next noteworthy move in Judes life was that in which he appeared gliding
steadily onward through a dusky landscape of some three years later leafage
than had graced his courtship of Arabella and the disruption of his coarse
conjugal life with her He was walking towards Christminster City at a point a
mile or two to the southwest of it
He had at last found himself clear of Marygreen and Alfredston he was out
of his apprenticeship and with his tools at his back seemed to be in the way of
making a new start the start to which barring the interruption involved in
his intimacy and married experience with Arabella he had been looking forward
for about ten years
Jude would now have been described as a young man with a forcible
meditative and earnest rather than handsome cast of countenance He was of dark
complexion with dark harmonizing eyes and he wore a closely trimmed black
beard of more advanced growth than is usual at his age this with his great
mass of black curly hair was some trouble to him in combing and washing out the
stonedust that settled on it in the pursuit of his trade His capabilities in
the latter having been acquired in the country were of an allround sort
including monumental stonecutting gothic freestone work for the restoration
of churches and carving of a general kind In London he would probably have
become specialized and have made himself a moulding mason a foliage sculptor
perhaps a statuary
He had that afternoon driven in a cart from Alfredston to the village
nearest the city in this direction and was now walking the remaining four miles
rather from choice than from necessity having always fancied himself arriving
thus
The ultimate impulse to come had had a curious origin one more nearly
related to the emotional side of him than to the intellectual as is often the
case with young men One day while in lodgings at Alfredston he had gone to
Marygreen to see his old aunt and had observed between the brass candlesticks
on her mantelpiece the photograph of a pretty girlish face in a broad hat with
radiating folds under the brim like the rays of a halo He had asked who she
was His grandaunt had gruffly replied that she was his cousin Sue Bridehead
of the inimical branch of the family and on further questioning the old woman
had replied that the girl lived in Christminster though she did not know where
or what she was doing
His aunt would not give him the photograph But it haunted him and
ultimately formed a quickening ingredient in his latent intent of following his
friend the schoolmaster thither
He now paused at the top of a crooked and gentle declivity and obtained his
first near view of the city Grey stoned and dunroofed it stood within hail of
the Wessex border and almost with the tip of one small toe within it at the
northernmost point of the crinkled line along which the leisurely Thames strokes
the fields of that ancient kingdom The buildings now lay quiet in the sunset a
vane here and there on their many spires and domes giving sparkle to a picture
of sober secondary and tertiary hues
Reaching the bottom he moved along the level way between pollard willows
growing indistinct in the twilight and soon confronted the outmost lamps of the
town some of those lamps which had sent into the sky the gleam and glory that
caught his strained gaze in his days of dreaming so many years ago They winked
their yellow eyes at him dubiously and as if though they had been awaiting him
all these years in disappointment at his tarrying they did not much want him
now
He was a species of Dick Whittington whose spirit was touched to finer
issues than a mere material gain He went along the outlying streets with the
cautious tread of an explorer He saw nothing of the real city in the suburbs on
this side His first want being a lodging he scrutinized carefully such
localities as seemed to offer on inexpensive terms the modest type of
accommodation he demanded and after inquiry took a room in a suburb nicknamed
Beersheba though he did not know this at the time Here he installed himself
and having had some tea sallied forth
It was a windy whispering moonless night To guide himself he opened under
a lamp a map he had brought The breeze ruffled and fluttered it but he could
see enough to decide on the direction he should take to reach the heart of the
place
After many turnings he came up to the first ancient mediæval pile that he
had encountered It was a college as he could see by the gateway He entered
it walked round and penetrated to dark corners which no lamplight reached
Close to this college was another and a little further on another and then he
began to be encircled as it were with the breath and sentiment of the venerable
city When he passed objects out of harmony with its general expression he
allowed his eyes to slip over them as if he did not see them
A bell began clanging and he listened till a hundredandone strokes had
sounded He must have made a mistake he thought it was meant for a hundred
When the gates were shut and he could no longer get into the quadrangles
he rambled under the walls and doorways feeling with his fingers the contours
of their mouldings and carving The minutes passed fewer and fewer people were
visible and still he serpentined among the shadows for had he not imagined
these scenes through ten bygone years and what mattered a nights rest for
once High against the black sky the flash of a lamp would show crocketed
pinnacles and indented battlements Down obscure alleys apparently never
trodden now by the foot of man and whose very existence seemed to be forgotten
there would jut into the path porticoes oriels doorways of enriched and florid
middleage design their extinct air being accentuated by the rottenness of the
stones It seemed impossible that modern thought could house itself in such
decrepit and superseded chambers
Knowing not a human being here Jude began to be impressed with the
isolation of his own personality as with a selfspectre the sensation being
that of one who walked but could not make himself seen or heard He drew his
breath pensively and seeming thus almost his own ghost gave his thoughts to
the other ghostly presences with which the nooks were haunted
During the interval of preparation for this venture since his wife and
furnitures uncompromising disappearance into space he had read and learnt
almost all that could be read and learnt by one in his position of the worthies
who had spent their youth within these reverend walls and whose souls had
haunted them in their maturer age Some of them by the accidents of his
reading loomed out in his fancy disproportionately large by comparison with the
rest The brushing of the wind against the angles buttresses and doorjambs
were as the passing of these only other inhabitants the tappings of each ivy
leaf on its neighbour were as the mutterings of their mournful souls the
shadows as their thin shapes in nervous movement making him comrades in his
solitude In the gloom it was as if he ran against them without feeling their
bodily frames
The streets were now deserted but on account of these things he could not
go in There were poets abroad of early date and of late from the friend and
eulogist of Shakespeare down to him who has recently passed into silence and
that musical one of the tribe who is still among us Speculative philosophers
drew along not always with wrinkled foreheads and hoary hair as in framed
portraits but pinkfaced slim and active as in youth modern divines sheeted
in their surplices among whom the most real to Jude Fawley were the founders of
the religious school called Tractarian the wellknown three the enthusiast
the poet and the formularist the echoes of whose teachings had influenced him
even in his obscure home A start of aversion appeared in his fancy to move them
at sight of those other sons of the place the form in the fullbottomed wig
statesman rake reasoner and sceptic the smoothly shaven historian so
ironically civil to Christianity with others of the same incredulous temper
who knew each quad as well as the faithful and took equal freedom in haunting
its cloisters
He regarded the statesmen in their various types men of firmer movement and
less dreamy air the scholar the speaker the plodder the man whose mind grew
with his growth in years and the man whose mind contracted with the same
The scientists and philologists followed on in his mindsight in an odd
impossible combination men of meditative faces strained foreheads and
weakeyed as bats with constant research then official characters such men as
GovernorGenerals and LordLieutenants in whom he took little interest
ChiefJustices and Lord Chancellors silent thinlipped figures of whom he knew
barely the names A keener regard attached to the prelates by reason of his own
former hopes Of them he had an ample band some men of heart others rather
men of head he who apologized for the Church in Latin the saintly author of
the Evening Hymn and near them the great itinerant preacher hymnwriter and
zealot shadowed like Jude by his matrimonial difficulties
Jude found himself speaking out loud holding conversations with them as it
were like an actor in a melodrama who apostrophizes the audience on the other
side of the footlights till he suddenly ceased with a start at his absurdity
Perhaps those incoherent words of the wanderer were heard within the walls by
some student or thinker over his lamp and he may have raised his head and
wondered what voice it was and what it betokened Jude now perceived that so
far as solid flesh went he had the whole aged city to himself with the
exception of a belated townsman here and there and that he seemed to be
catching a cold
A voice reached him out of the shade a real and local voice
»Youve been asettin a long time on that plinthstone young man What med
you be up to«
It came from a policeman who had been observing Jude without the latter
observing him
Jude went home and to bed after reading up a little about these men and
their several messages to the world from a book or two that he had brought with
him concerning the sons of the University As he drew towards sleep various
memorable words of theirs that he had just been conning seemed spoken by them in
muttering utterances some audible some unintelligible to him One of the
spectres who afterwards mourned Christminster as the home of lost causes
though Jude did not remember this was now apostrophizing her thus
»Beautiful city so venerable so lovely so unravaged by the fierce
intellectual life of our century so serene Her ineffable charm keeps ever
calling us to the true goal of all of us to the ideal to perfection«
Another voice was that of the Corn Law convert whose phantom he had just
seen in the quadrangle with a great bell Jude thought his soul might have been
shaping the historic words of his masterspeech
»Sir I may be wrong but my impression is that my duty towards a country
threatened with famine requires that that which has been the ordinary remedy
under all similar circumstances should be resorted to now namely that there
should be free access to the food of man from whatever quarter it may come
Deprive me of office tomorrow you can never deprive me of the consciousness
that I have exercised the powers committed to me from no corrupt or interested
motives from no desire to gratify ambition for no personal gain«
Then the sly author of the immortal Chapter on Christianity »How shall we
excuse the supine inattention of the Pagan and philosophic world to those
evidences miracles which were presented by Omnipotence The sages of Greece
and Rome turned aside from the awful spectacle and appeared unconscious of any
alterations in the moral or physical government of the world«
Then the shade of the poet the last of the optimists
»How the world is made for each of us
And each of the Many helps to recruit
The life of the race by a general plan«
Then one of the three enthusiasts he had seen just now the author of the
Apologia
»My argument was that absolute certitude as to the truths of natural
theology was the result of an assemblage of concurring and converging
probabilities that probabilities which did not reach to logical certainty
might create a mental certitude«
The second of them no polemic murmured quieter things
»Why should we faint and fear to live alone
Since all alone so Heaven has willd we die«
He likewise heard some phrases spoken by the phantom with the short face the
genial Spectator
»When I look upon the tombs of the great every motion of envy dies in me
when I read the epitaphs of the beautiful every inordinate desire goes out
when I meet with the grief of parents upon a tombstone my heart melts with
compassion when I see the tombs of the parents themselves I consider the
vanity of grieving for those whom we must quickly follow«
And lastly a gentlevoiced prelate spoke during whose meek familiar rhyme
endeared to him from earliest childhood Jude fell asleep
»Teach me to live that I may dread
The grave as little as my bed
Teach me to die«
He did not wake till morning The ghostly past seemed to have gone and
everything spoke of today He started up in bed thinking he had overslept
himself and then said
»By Jove I had quite forgotten my sweetfaced cousin and that shes here
all the time and my old schoolmaster too« His words about his schoolmaster
had perhaps less zest in them than his words concerning his cousin
2
Necessary meditations on the actual including the mean breadandcheese
question dissipated the phantasmal for a while and compelled Jude to smother
high thinkings under immediate needs He had to get up and seek for work
manual work the only kind deemed by many of its professors to be work at all
Passing out into the streets on this errand he found that the colleges had
treacherously changed their sympathetic countenances some were pompous some
had put on the look of family vaults above ground something barbaric loomed in
the masonries of all The spirits of the great men had disappeared
The numberless architectural pages around him he read naturally less as an
artistcritic of their forms than as an artizan and comrade of the dead
handicraftsmen whose muscles had actually executed those forms He examined the
mouldings stroked them as one who knew their beginning said they were
difficult or easy in the working had taken little or much time were trying to
the arm or convenient to the tool
What at night had been perfect and ideal was by day the more or less
defective real Cruelties insults had he perceived been inflicted on the
aged erections The condition of several moved him as he would have been moved
by maimed sentient beings They were wounded broken sloughing off their outer
shape in the deadly struggle against years weather and man
The rottenness of these historical documents reminded him that he was not
after all hastening on to begin the morning practically as he had intended He
had come to work and to live by work and the morning had nearly gone It was
in one sense encouraging to think that in a place of crumbling stones there
must be plenty for one of his trade to do in the business of renovation He
asked his way to the workyard of the stonemason whose name had been given him
at Alfredston and soon heard the familiar sound of the rubbers and chisels
The yard was a little centre of regeneration Here with keen edges and
smooth curves were forms in the exact likeness of those he had seen abraded and
timeeaten on the walls These were the ideas in modern prose which the lichened
colleges presented in old poetry Even some of those antiques might have been
called prose when they were new They had done nothing but wait and had become
poetical How easy to the smallest building how impossible to most men
He asked for the foreman and looked round among the new traceries
mullions transoms shafts pinnacles and battlements standing on the bankers
half worked or waiting to be removed They were marked by precision
mathematical straightness smoothness exactitude there in the old walls were
the broken lines of the original idea jagged curves disdain of precision
irregularity disarray
For a moment there fell on Jude a true illumination that here in the stone
yard was a centre of effort as worthy as that dignified by the name of scholarly
study within the noblest of the colleges But he lost it under stress of his old
idea He would accept any employment which might be offered him on the strength
of his late employers recommendation but he would accept it as a provisional
thing only This was his form of the modern vice of unrest
Moreover he perceived that at best only copying patching and imitating went
on here which he fancied to be owing to some temporary and local cause He did
not at that time see that mediævalism was as dead as a fernleaf in a lump of
coal that other developments were shaping in the world around him in which
Gothic architecture and its associations had no place The deadly animosity of
contemporary logic and vision towards so much of what he held in reverence was
not yet revealed to him
Having failed to obtain work here as yet he went away and thought again of
his cousin whose presence somewhere at hand he seemed to feel in wavelets of
interest if not of emotion How he wished he had that pretty portrait of her
At last he wrote to his aunt to send it She did so with a request however
that he was not to bring disturbance into the family by going to see the girl or
her relations Jude a ridiculously affectionate fellow promised nothing put
the photograph on the mantelpiece kissed it he did not know why and felt
more at home She seemed to look down and preside over his tea It was cheering
the one thing uniting him to the emotions of the living city
There remained the schoolmaster probably now a reverend parson But he
could not possibly hunt up such a respectable man just yet so raw and
unpolished was his condition so precarious were his fortunes Thus he still
remained in loneliness Although people moved round him he virtually saw none
Not as yet having mingled with the active life of the place it was largely
nonexistent to him But the saints and prophets in the windowtracery the
paintings in the galleries the statues the busts the gurgoyles the
corbelheads these seemed to breathe his atmosphere Like all new comers to a
spot on which the past is deeply graven he heard that past announcing itself
with an emphasis altogether unsuspected by and even incredible to the habitual
residents
For many days he haunted the cloisters and quadrangles of the colleges at
odd minutes in passing them surprised by impish echoes of his own footsteps
smart as the blows of a mallet The Christminster sentiment as it had been
called ate further and further into him till he probably knew more about those
buildings materially artistically and historically than any one of their
inmates
It was not till now when he found himself actually on the spot of his
enthusiasm that Jude perceived how far away from the object of that enthusiasm
he really was Only a wall divided him from those happy young contemporaries of
his with whom he shared a common mental life men who had nothing to do from
morning till night but to read mark learn and inwardly digest Only a wall
but what a wall
Every day every hour as he went in search of labour he saw them going and
coming also rubbed shoulders with them heard their voices marked their
movements The conversation of some of the more thoughtful among them seemed
oftentimes owing to his long and persistent preparation for this place to be
peculiarly akin to his own thoughts Yet he was as far from them as if he had
been at the antipodes Of course he was He was a young workman in a white
blouse and with stonedust in the creases of his clothes and in passing him
they did not even see him or hear him rather saw through him as through a pane
of glass at their familiars beyond Whatever they were to him he to them was
not on the spot at all and yet he had fancied he would be close to their lives
by coming there
But the future lay ahead after all and if he could only be so fortunate as
to get into good employment he would put up with the inevitable So he thanked
God for his health and strength and took courage For the present he was
outside the gates of everything colleges included perhaps some day he would be
inside Those palaces of light and leading he might some day look down on the
world through their panes
At length he did receive a message from the stonemasons yard that a job
was waiting for him It was his first encouragement and he closed with the
offer promptly
He was young and strong or he never could have executed with such zest the
undertakings to which he now applied himself since they involved reading most
of the night after working all the day First he bought a shaded lamp for four
and sixpence and obtained a good light Then he got pens paper and such other
necessary books as he had been unable to obtain elsewhere Then to the
consternation of his landlady he shifted all the furniture of his room a
single one for living and sleeping rigged up a curtain on a rope across the
middle to make a double chamber out of one hung up a thick blind that nobody
should know how he was curtailing the hours of sleep laid out his books and
sat down
Having been deeply encumbered by marrying getting a cottage and buying the
furniture which had disappeared in the wake of his wife he had never been able
to save any money since the time of those disastrous ventures and till his
wages began to come in he was obliged to live in the narrowest way After buying
a book or two he could not even afford himself a fire and when the nights
reeked with the raw and cold air from the Meadows he sat over his lamp in a
greatcoat hat and woollen gloves
From his window he could perceive the spire of the Cathedral and the ogee
dome under which resounded the great bell of the city The tall tower tall
belfry windows and tall pinnacles of the college by the bridge he could also
get a glimpse of by going to the staircase These objects he used as stimulants
when his faith in the future was dim
Like enthusiasts in general he made no inquiries into details of procedure
Picking up general notions from casual acquaintance he never dwelt upon them
For the present he said to himself the one thing necessary was to get ready by
accumulating money and knowledge and await whatever chances were afforded to
such an one of becoming a son of the University »For wisdom is a defence and
money is a defence but the excellency of knowledge is that wisdom giveth life
to them that have it« His desire absorbed him and left no part of him to weigh
its practicability
At this time he received a nervously anxious letter from his poor old aunt
on the subject which had previously distressed her a fear that Jude would not
be strongminded enough to keep away from his cousin Sue Bridehead and her
relations Sues father his aunt believed had gone back to London but the
girl remained at Christminster To make her still more objectionable she was an
artist or designer of some sort in what was called an ecclesiastical warehouse
which was a perfect seedbed of idolatry and she was no doubt abandoned to
mummeries on that account if not quite a Papist Miss Drusilla Fawley was of
her date Evangelical
As Jude was rather on an intellectual track than a theological this news of
Sues probable opinions did not much influence him one way or the other but the
clue to her whereabouts was decidedly interesting With an altogether singular
pleasure he walked at his earliest spare minutes past the shops answering to his
greataunts description and beheld in one of them a young girl sitting behind
a desk who was suspiciously like the original of the portrait He ventured to
enter on a trivial errand and having made his purchase lingered on the scene
The shop seemed to be kept entirely by women It contained Anglican books
stationery texts and fancy goods little plaster angels on brackets
Gothicframed pictures of saints ebony crosses that were almost crucifixes
prayerbooks that were almost missals He felt very shy of looking at the girl
in the desk she was so pretty that he could not believe it possible that she
should belong to him Then she spoke to one of the two older women behind the
counter and he recognized in the accents certain qualities of his own voice
softened and sweetened but his own What was she doing He stole a glance
round Before her lay a piece of zinc cut to the shape of a scroll three or
four feet long and coated with a deadsurface paint on one side Hereon she was
designing or illuminating in characters of Church text the single word
Alleluja
»A sweet saintly Christian business hers« thought he
Her presence here was now fairly enough explained her skill in work of this
sort having no doubt been acquired from her fathers occupation as an
ecclesiastical worker in metal The lettering on which she was engaged was
clearly intended to be fixed up in some chancel to assist devotion
He came out It would have been easy to speak to her there and then but it
seemed scarcely honourable towards his aunt to disregard her request so
incontinently She had used him roughly but she had brought him up and the
fact of her being powerless to control him lent a pathetic force to a wish that
would have been inoperative as an argument
So Jude gave no sign He would not call upon Sue just yet He had other
reasons against doing so when he had walked away She seemed so dainty beside
himself in his rough workingjacket and dusty trousers that he felt he was as
yet unready to encounter her as he had felt about Mr Phillotson And how
possible it was that she had inherited the antipathies of her family and would
scorn him as far as a Christian could particularly when he had told her that
unpleasant part of his history which had resulted in his becoming enchained to
one of her own sex whom she would certainly not admire
Thus he kept watch over her and liked to feel she was there The
consciousness of her living presence stimulated him But she remained more or
less an ideal character about whose form he began to weave curious and
fantastic daydreams
Between two and three weeks afterwards Jude was engaged with some more men
outside Crozier College in Oldtime Street in getting a block of worked
freestone from a waggon across the pavement before hoisting it to the parapet
which they were repairing Standing in position the head man said »Spaik when
ye heave Heho« And they heaved
All of a sudden as he lifted his cousin stood close to his elbow pausing
a moment on the bend of her foot till the obstructing object should have been
removed She looked right into his face with liquid untranslatable eyes that
combined or seemed to him to combine keenness with tenderness and mystery
with both their expression as well as that of her lips taking its life from
some words just spoken to a companion and being carried on into his face quite
unconsciously She no more observed his presence than that of the dustmotes
which his manipulations raised into the sunbeams
His closeness to her was so suggestive that he trembled and turned his face
away with a shy instinct to prevent her recognizing him though as she had never
once seen him she could not possibly do so and might very well never have heard
even his name He could perceive that though she was a countrygirl at bottom a
latter girlhood of some years in London and a womanhood here had taken all
rawness out of her
When she was gone he continued his work reflecting on her He had been so
caught by her influence that he had taken no count of her general mould and
build He remembered now that she was not a large figure that she was light and
slight of the type dubbed elegant That was about all he had seen There was
nothing statuesque in her all was nervous motion She was mobile living yet a
painter might not have called her handsome or beautiful But the much that she
was surprised him She was quite a long way removed from the rusticity that was
his How could one of his crossgrained unfortunate almost accursed stock
have contrived to reach this pitch of niceness London had done it he supposed
From this moment the emotion which had been accumulating in his breast as
the bottledup effect of solitude and the poetized locality he dwelt in
insensibly began to precipitate itself on this halfvisionary form and he
perceived that whatever his obedient wish in a contrary direction he would
soon be unable to resist the desire to make himself known to her
He affected to think of her quite in a family way since there were crushing
reasons why he should not and could not think of her in any other
The first reason was that he was married and it would be wrong The second
was that they were cousins It was not well for cousins to fall in love even
when circumstances seemed to favour the passion The third even were he free
in a family like his own where marriage usually meant a tragic sadness marriage
with a bloodrelation would duplicate the adverse conditions and a tragic
sadness might be intensified to a tragic horror
Therefore again he would have to think of Sue with only a relations
mutual interest in one belonging to him regard her in a practical way as some
one to be proud of to talk and nod to later on to be invited to tea by the
emotion spent on her being rigorously that of a kinsman and wellwisher So
would she be to him a kindly star an elevating power a companion in Anglican
worship a tender friend
3
But under the various deterrent influences Judes instinct was to approach her
timidly and the next Sunday he went to the morning service in the
Cathedralchurch of Cardinal College to gain a further view of her for he had
found that she frequently attended there
She did not come and he awaited her in the afternoon which was finer He
knew that if she came at all she would approach the building along the eastern
side of the great green quadrangle from which it was accessible and he stood in
a corner while the bell was going A few minutes before the hour for service she
appeared as one of the figures walking along under the College walls and at
sight of her he advanced up the side opposite and followed her into the
building more than ever glad that he had not as yet revealed himself To see
her and to be himself unseen and unknown was enough for him at present
He lingered awhile in the vestibule and the service was some way advanced
when he was put into a seat It was a louring mournful still afternoon when a
religion of some sort seems a necessity to ordinary practical men and not only
a luxury of the emotional and leisured classes In the dim light and the
baffling glare of the clerestory windows he could discern the opposite
worshippers indistinctly only but he saw that Sue was among them He had not
long discovered the exact seat that she occupied when the chanting of the 119th
Psalm in which the choir was engaged reached its second part In quo corriget
the organ changing to a pathetic Gregorian tune as the singers gave forth
»Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way«
It was the very question that was engaging Judes attention at this moment What
a wicked worthless fellow he had been to give vent as he had done to an animal
passion for a woman and allow it to lead to such disastrous consequences then
to think of putting an end to himself then to go recklessly and get drunk The
great waves of pedal music tumbled round the choir and nursed on the
supernatural as he had been it is not wonderful that he could hardly believe
that the psalm was not specially set by some regardful Providence for this
moment of his first entry into the solemn building And yet it was the ordinary
psalm for the twentyfourth evening of the month
The girl for whom he was beginning to nourish an extraordinary tenderness
was at this time ensphered by the same harmonies as those which floated into his
ears and the thought was a delight to him She was probably a frequenter of
this place and steeped body and soul in church sentiment as she must be by
occupation and habit had no doubt much in common with him To an
impressionable and lonely young man the consciousness of having at last found
anchorage for his thoughts which promised to supply both social and spiritual
possibilities was like the dew of Hermon and he remained throughout the
service in a sustaining atmosphere of ecstasy
Though he was loth to suspect it some people might have said to him that
the atmosphere blew as distinctly from Cyprus as from Galilee
Jude waited till she had left her seat and passed under the screen before he
himself moved She did not look towards him and by the time he reached the door
she was half way down the broad path Being dressed up in his Sunday suit he was
inclined to follow her and reveal himself But he was not quite ready and
alas ought he to do so with the kind of feeling that was awakening in him
For though it had seemed to have an ecclesiastical basis during the service
and he had persuaded himself that such was the case he could not altogether be
blind to the real nature of the magnetism She was such a stranger that the
kinship was affectation and he said »It cant be I a man with a wife must
not know her« Still Sue was his own kin and the fact of his having a wife
even though she was not in evidence in this hemisphere might be a help in one
sense It would put all thought of a tender wish on his part out of Sues mind
and make her intercourse with him free and fearless It was with some heartache
that he saw how little he cared for the freedom and fearlessness that would
result in her from such knowledge
Some little time before the date of this service in the cathedral the pretty
liquideyed lightfooted young woman Sue Bridehead had an afternoons holiday
and leaving the ecclesiastical establishment in which she not only assisted but
lodged took a walk into the country with a book in her hand It was one of
those cloudless days which sometimes occur in Wessex and elsewhere between days
of cold and wet as if intercalated by caprice of the weathergod She went
along for a mile or two until she came to much higher ground than that of the
city she had left behind her The road passed between green fields and coming
to a stile Sue paused there to finish the page she was reading and then looked
back at the towers and domes and pinnacles new and old
On the other side of the stile in the footpath she beheld a foreigner with
black hair and a sallow face sitting on the grass beside a large square board
whereon were fixed as closely as they could stand a number of plaster
statuettes some of them bronzed which he was rearranging before proceeding
with them on his way They were in the main reduced copies of ancient marbles
and comprised divinities of a very different character from those the girl was
accustomed to see portrayed among them being a Venus of standard pattern a
Diana and of the other sex Apollo Bacchus and Mars Though the figures were
many yards away from her the southwest sun brought them out so brilliantly
against the green herbage that she could discern their contours with luminous
distinctness and being almost in a line between herself and the church towers
of the city they awoke in her an oddly foreign and contrasting set of ideas by
comparison The man rose and seeing her politely took off his cap and cried
»Iiimages« in an accent that agreed with his appearance In a moment he
dexterously lifted upon his knee the great board with its assembled notabilities
divine and human and raised it to the top of his head bringing them on to her
and resting the board on the stile First he offered her his smaller wares the
busts of kings and queens then a minstrel then a winged Cupid She shook her
head
»How much are these two« she said touching with her finger the Venus and
the Apollo the largest figures on the tray
He said she should have them for ten shillings
»I cannot afford that« said Sue She offered considerably less and to her
surprise the imageman drew them from their wire stay and handed them over the
stile She clasped them as treasures
When they were paid for and the man had gone she began to be concerned as
to what she should do with them They seemed so very large now that they were in
her possession and so very naked Being of a nervous temperament she trembled
at her enterprise When she handled them the white pipeclay came off on her
gloves and jacket After carrying them along a little way openly an idea came to
her and pulling some huge burdock leaves parsley and other rank growths from
the hedge she wrapped up her burden as well as she could in these so that what
she carried appeared to be an enormous armful of green stuff gathered by a
zealous lover of nature
»Well anything is better than those everlasting church fallals« she said
But she was still in a trembling state and seemed almost to wish she had not
bought the figures
Occasionally peeping inside the leaves to see that Venuss arm was not
broken she entered with her heathen load into the most Christian city in the
country by an obscure street running parallel to the main one and round a
corner to the side door of the establishment to which she was attached Her
purchases were taken straight up to her own chamber and she at once attempted
to lock them in a box that was her very own property but finding them too
cumbersome she wrapped them in large sheets of brown paper and stood them on
the floor in a corner
The mistress of the house Miss Fontover was an elderly lady in spectacles
dressed almost like an abbess a dab at Ritual as became one of her business
and a worshipper at the ceremonial church of St Silas in the suburb of
Beersheba beforementioned which Jude also had begun to attend She was the
daughter of a clergyman in reduced circumstances and at his death which had
occurred several years before this date she boldly avoided penury by taking
over a little shop of church requisites and developing it to its present
creditable proportions She wore a cross and beads round her neck as her only
ornament and knew the Christian Year by heart
She now came to call Sue to tea and finding that the girl did not respond
for a moment entered the room just as the other was hastily putting a string
round each parcel
»Something you have been buying Miss Bridehead« she asked regarding the
enwrapped objects
»Yes just something to ornament my room« said Sue
»Well I should have thought I had put enough here already« said Miss
Fontover looking round at the Gothicframed prints of saints the Churchtext
scrolls and other articles which having become too stale to sell had been
used to furnish this obscure chamber »What is it How bulky« She tore a little
hole about as big as a wafer in the brown paper and tried to peep in »Why
statuary Two figures Where did you get them«
»O I bought them of a travelling man who sells casts «
»Two saints«
»Yes«
»What ones«
»St Peter and St St Mary Magdalen«
»Well now come down to tea and go and finish that organtext if theres
light enough afterwards«
These little obstacles to the indulgence of what had been the merest passing
fancy created in Sue a great zest for unpacking her objects and looking at
them and at bedtime when she was sure of being undisturbed she unrobed the
divinities in comfort Placing the pair of figures on the chest of drawers a
candle on each side of them she withdrew to the bed flung herself down
thereon and began reading a book she had taken from her box which Miss
Fontover knew nothing of It was a volume of Gibbon and she read the chapter
dealing with the reign of Julian the Apostate Occasionally she looked up at the
statuettes which appeared strange and out of place there happening to be a
Calvary print hanging between them and as if the scene suggested the action
she at length jumped up and withdrew another book from her box a volume of
verse and turned to the familiar poem
»Thou hast conquered O pale Galilean
The world has grown grey from thy breath«
which she read to the end Presently she put out the candles undressed and
finally extinguished her own light
She was of an age which usually sleeps soundly yet tonight she kept waking
up and every time she opened her eyes there was enough diffused light from the
street to show her the white plaster figures standing on the chest of drawers
in odd contrast to their environment of text and martyr and the Gothicframed
Crucifixpicture that was only discernible now as a Latin cross the figure
thereon being obscured by the shades
On one of these occasions the church clocks struck some small hour It fell
upon the ears of another person who sat bending over his books at a not very
distant spot in the same city Being Saturday night the morrow was one on which
Jude had not set his alarmclock to call him at his usually early time and
hence he had stayed up as was his custom two or three hours later than he
could afford to do on any other day of the week Just then he was earnestly
reading from his Griesbachs text At the very time that Sue was tossing and
staring at her figures the policeman and belated citizens passing along under
his window might have heard if they had stood still strange syllables mumbled
with fervour within words that had for Jude an indescribable enchantment
inexplicable sounds something like these
»All hemin heis Theos ho Pater ex hou ta panta kai hemeis eis auton«
Till the sounds rolled with reverent loudness as a book was heard to close
»Kai heis Kurios Iesous Christos di hou ta panta kai hemeis di autou«
4
He was a handy man at his trade an allround man as artizans in countrytowns
are apt to be In London the man who carves the boss or knob of leafage declines
to cut the fragment of moulding which merges in that leafage as if it were a
degradation to do the second half of one whole When there was not much Gothic
moulding for Jude to run or much windowtracery on the bankers he would go out
lettering monuments or tombstones and take a pleasure in the change of
handiwork
The next time that he saw her was when he was on a ladder executing a job of
this sort inside one of the churches There was a short morning service and
when the parson entered Jude came down from his ladder and sat with the
halfdozen people forming the congregation till the prayers should be ended
and he could resume his tapping He did not observe till the service was half
over that one of the women was Sue who had perforce accompanied the elderly
Miss Fontover thither
Jude sat watching her pretty shoulders her easy curiously nonchalant
risings and sittings and her perfunctory genuflexions and thought what a help
such an Anglican would have been to him in happier circumstances It was not so
much his anxiety to get on with his work that made him go up to it immediately
the worshippers began to take their leave it was that he dared not in this
holy spot confront the woman who was beginning to influence him in such an
indescribable manner Those three enormous reasons why he must not attempt
intimate acquaintance with Sue Bridehead now that his interest in her had shown
itself to be unmistakably of a sexual kind loomed as stubbornly as ever But it
was also obvious that man could not live by work alone that the particular man
Jude at any rate wanted something to love Some men would have rushed
incontinently to her snatched the pleasure of easy friendship which she could
hardly refuse and have left the rest to chance Not so Jude at first
But as the days and still more particularly the lonely evenings dragged
along he found himself to his moral consternation to be thinking more of her
instead of thinking less of her and experiencing a fearful bliss in doing what
was erratic informal and unexpected Surrounded by her influence all day
walking past the spots she frequented he was always thinking of her and was
obliged to own to himself that his conscience was likely to be the loser in this
battle
To be sure she was almost an ideality to him still Perhaps to know her
would be to cure himself of this unexpected and unauthorized passion A voice
whispered that though he desired to know her he did not desire to be cured
There was not the least doubt that from his own orthodox point of view the
situation was growing immoral For Sue to be the loved one of a man who was
licensed by the laws of his country to love Arabella and none other unto his
lifes end was a pretty bad second beginning when the man was bent on such a
course as Jude purposed This conviction was so real with him that one day when
as was frequent he was at work in a neighbouring village church alone he felt
it to be his duty to pray against his weakness But much as he wished to be an
exemplar in these things he could not get on It was quite impossible he found
to ask to be delivered from temptation when your hearts desire was to be
tempted unto seventy times seven So he excused himself »After all« he said
»it is not altogether an erotolepsy that is the matter with me as at that first
time I can see that she is exceptionally bright and it is partly a wish for
intellectual sympathy and a craving for lovingkindness in my solitude« Thus
he went on adoring her fearing to realize that it was human perversity For
whatever Sues virtues talents or ecclesiastical saturation it was certain
that those items were not at all the cause of his affection for her
On an afternoon at this time a young girl entered the stone masons yard
with some hesitation and lifting her skirts to avoid draggling them in the
white dust crossed towards the office
»Thats a nice girl« said one of the men known as Uncle Joe
»Who is she« asked another
»I dont know Ive seen her about here and there Why yes shes the
daughter of that clever chap Bridehead who did all the wrought ironwork at St
Silas ten years ago and went away to London afterwards I dont know what hes
doing now not much I fancy as shes come back here«
Meanwhile the young woman had knocked at the office door and asked if Mr
Jude Fawley was at work in the yard It so happened that Jude had gone out
somewhere or other that afternoon which information she received with a look of
disappointment and went away immediately When Jude returned they told him and
described her whereupon he exclaimed »Why thats my cousin Sue«
He looked along the street after her but she was out of sight He had no
longer any thought of a conscientious avoidance of her and resolved to call
upon her that very evening And when he reached his lodging he found a note from
her a first note one of those documents which simple and commonplace in
themselves are seen retrospectively to have been pregnant with impassioned
consequences The very unconsciousness of a looming drama which is shown in such
innocent first epistles from women to men or vice versa makes them when such
a drama follows and they are read over by the purple or lurid light of it all
the more impressive solemn and in cases terrible
Sues was of the most artless and natural kind She addressed him as her
dear cousin Jude said she had only just learnt by the merest accident that he
was living in Christminster and reproached him with not letting her know They
might have had such nice times together she said for she was thrown much upon
herself and had hardly any congenial friend But now there was every
probability of her soon going away so that the chance of companionship would be
lost perhaps for ever
A cold sweat overspread Jude at the news that she was going away That was a
contingency he had never thought of and it spurred him to write all the more
quickly to her He would meet her that very evening he said one hour from the
time of writing at the cross in the pavement which marked the spot of the
Martyrdoms
When he had despatched the note by a boy he regretted that in his hurry he
should have suggested to her to meet him out of doors when he might have said
he would call upon her It was in fact the country custom to meet thus and
nothing else had occurred to him Arabella had been met in the same way
unfortunately and it might not seem respectable to a dear girl like Sue
However it could not be helped now and he moved towards the point a few
minutes before the hour under the glimmer of the newly lighted lamps
The broad street was silent and almost deserted although it was not late
He saw a figure on the other side which turned out to be hers and they both
converged towards the crossmark at the same moment Before either had reached
it she called out to him
»I am not going to meet you just there for the first time in my life Come
further on«
The voice though positive and silvery had been tremulous They walked on
in parallel lines and waiting her pleasure Jude watched till she showed signs
of closing in when he did likewise the place being where the carriers carts
stood in the daytime though there was none on the spot then
»I am sorry that I asked you to meet me and didnt call« began Jude with
the bashfulness of a lover »But I thought it would save time if we were going
to walk«
»O I dont mind that« she said with the freedom of a friend »I have
really no place to ask anybody in to What I meant was that the place you chose
was so horrid I suppose I ought not to say horrid I mean gloomy and
inauspicious in its associations But isnt it funny to begin like this when
I dont know you yet« She looked him up and down curiously though Jude did not
look much at her
»You seem to know me more than I know you« she added
»Yes I have seen you now and then«
»And you knew who I was and didnt speak And now I am going away«
»Yes Thats unfortunate I have hardly any other friend I have indeed
one very old friend here somewhere but I dont quite like to call on him just
yet I wonder if you know anything of him Mr Phillotson A parson somewhere
about the county I think he is«
»No I only know of one Mr Phillotson He lives a little way out in the
country at Lumsdon Hes a village schoolmaster«
»Ah I wonder if hes the same Surely it is impossible Only a schoolmaster
still Do you know his Christian name is it Richard«
»Yes it is Ive directed books to him though Ive never seen him«
»Then he couldnt do it«
Judes countenance fell for how could he succeed in an enterprise wherein
the great Phillotson had failed He would have had a day of despair if the news
had not arrived during his sweet Sues presence but even at this moment he had
visions of how Phillotsons failure in the grand University scheme would depress
him when she had gone
»As we are going to take a walk suppose we go and call upon him« said Jude
suddenly »It is not late«
She agreed and they went along up a hill and through some prettily wooded
country Presently the embattled tower and square turret of the church rose into
the sky and then the schoolhouse They inquired of a person in the street if
Mr Phillotson was likely to be at home and were informed that he was always at
home A knock brought him to the schoolhouse door with a candle in his hand and
a look of inquiry on his face which had grown thin and careworn since Jude last
set eyes on him
That after all these years the meeting with Mr Phillotson should be of this
homely complexion destroyed at one stroke the halo which had surrounded the
schoolmasters figure in Judes imagination ever since their parting It created
in him at the same time a sympathy with Phillotson as an obviously much
chastened and disappointed man Jude told him his name and said he had come to
see him as an old friend who had been kind to him in his youthful days
»I dont remember you in the least« said the schoolmaster thoughtfully
»You were one of my pupils you say Yes no doubt but they number so many
thousands by this time of my life and have naturally changed so much that I
remember very few except the quite recent ones«
»It was out at Marygreen« said Jude wishing he had not come
»Yes I was there a short time And is this an old pupil too«
»No thats my cousin I wrote to you for some grammars if you
recollect and you sent them«
»Ah yes I do dimly recall that incident«
»It was very kind of you to do it And it was you who first started me on
that course On the morning you left Marygreen when your goods were on the
waggon you wished me goodbye and said your scheme was to be a University man
and enter the church that a degree was the necessary hallmark of one who
wanted to do anything as a theologian or teacher«
»I remember I thought all that privately but I wonder I did not keep my own
counsel The idea was given up years ago«
»I have never forgotten it It was that which brought me to this part of the
country and out here to see you tonight«
»Come in« said Phillotson »And your cousin too«
They entered the parlour of the schoolhouse where there was a lamp with a
paper shade which threw the light down on three or four books Phillotson took
it off so that they could see each other better and the rays fell on the
nervous little face and vivacious dark eyes and hair of Sue on the earnest
features of her cousin and on the schoolmasters own maturer face and figure
showing him to be a spare and thoughtful personage of fiveandforty with a
thinlipped somewhat refined mouth a slightly stooping habit and a black
frock coat which from continued frictions shone a little at the
shoulderblades the middle of the back and the elbows
The old friendship was imperceptibly renewed the schoolmaster speaking of
his experiences and the cousins of theirs He told them that he still thought
of the church sometimes and that though he could not enter it as he had
intended to do in former years he might enter it as a licentiate Meanwhile he
said he was comfortable in his present position though he was in want of a
pupilteacher
They did not stay to supper Sue having to be indoors before it grew late
and the road was retraced to Christminster Though they had talked of nothing
more than general subjects Jude was surprised to find what a revelation of woman
his cousin was to him She was so vibrant that everything she did seemed to have
its source in feeling An exciting thought would make her walk ahead so fast
that he could hardly keep up with her and her sensitiveness on some points was
such that it might have been misread as vanity It was with heartsickness he
perceived that while her sentiments towards him were those of the frankest
friendliness only he loved her more than before becoming acquainted with her
and the gloom of the walk home lay not in the night overhead but in the thought
of her departure
»Why must you leave Christminster« he said regretfully »How can you do
otherwise than cling to a city in whose history such men as Newman Pusey Ward
Keble loom so large«
»Yes they do Though how large do they loom in the history of the
world What a funny reason for caring to stay I should never have thought of
it« She laughed
»Well I must go« she continued »Miss Fontover one of the partners whom
I serve is offended with me and I with her and it is best to go«
»How did that happen«
»She broke some statuary of mine«
»Oh Wilfully«
»Yes She found it in my room and though it was my property she threw it on
the floor and stamped on it because it was not according to her taste and
ground the arms and the head of one of the figures all to bits with her heel a
horrid thing«
»Too CatholicApostolic for her I suppose No doubt she called them Popish
images and talked of the invocation of saints«
»No No she didnt do that She saw the matter quite differently«
»Ah Then I am surprised«
»Yes It was for quite some other reason that she didnt like my
patronsaints So I was led to retort upon her and the end of it was that I
resolved not to stay but to get into an occupation in which I shall be more
independent«
»Why dont you try teaching again You once did I heard«
»I never thought of resuming it for I was getting on as an artdesigner«
»Do let me ask Mr Phillotson to let you try your hand in his school If you
like it and go to a Training College and become a firstclass certificated
mistress you get twice as large an income as any designer or church artist and
twice as much freedom«
»Well ask him Now I must go in Goodbye dear Jude I am so glad we have
met at last We neednt quarrel because our parents did need we«
Jude did not like to let her see quite how much he agreed with her and went
his way to the remote street in which he had his lodging
To keep Sue Bridehead near him was now a desire which operated without
regard of consequences and the next evening he again set out for Lumsdon
fearing to trust to the persuasive effects of a note only The schoolmaster was
unprepared for such a proposal
»What I rather wanted was a second years transfer as it is called« he
said »Of course your cousin would do personally but she has had no
experience O she has has she Does she really think of adopting teaching as
a profession«
Jude said she was disposed to do so he thought and his ingenious arguments
on her natural fitness for assisting Mr Phillotson of which Jude knew nothing
whatever so influenced the schoolmaster that he said he would engage her
assuring Jude as a friend that unless his cousin really meant to follow on in
the same course and regarded this step as the first stage of an apprenticeship
of which her training in a normal school would be the second stage her time
would be wasted quite the salary being merely nominal
The day after this visit Phillotson received a letter from Jude containing
the information that he had again consulted his cousin who took more and more
warmly to the idea of tuition and that she had agreed to come It did not occur
for a moment to the schoolmaster and recluse that Judes ardour in promoting the
arrangement arose from any other feelings towards Sue than the instinct of
cooperation common among members of the same family
5
The schoolmaster sat in his homely dwelling attached to the school both being
modern erections and he looked across the way at the old house in which his
teacher Sue had a lodging The arrangement had been concluded very quickly A
pupilteacher who was to have been transferred to Mr Phillotsons school had
failed him and Sue had been taken as stopgap All such provisional
arrangements as these could only last till the next annual visit of HM
Inspector whose approval was necessary to make them permanent Having taught
for some two years in London though she had abandoned that vocation of late
Miss Bridehead was not exactly a novice and Phillotson thought there would be
no difficulty in retaining her services which he already wished to do though
she had only been with him three or four weeks He had found her quite as bright
as Jude had described her and what mastertradesman does not wish to keep an
apprentice who saves him half his labour
It was a little over halfpast eight oclock in the morning and he was
waiting to see her cross the road to the school when he would follow At twenty
minutes to nine she did cross a light hat tossed on her head and he watched
her as a curiosity A new emanation which had nothing to do with her skill as a
teacher seemed to surround her this morning He went to the school also and
Sue remained governing her class at the other end of the room all day under his
eye She certainly was an excellent teacher
It was part of his duty to give her private lessons in the evening and some
article in the Code made it necessary that a respectable elderly woman should
be present at these lessons when the teacher and the taught were of different
sexes Richard Phillotson thought of the absurdity of the regulation in this
case when he was old enough to be the girls father but he faithfully acted up
to it and sat down with her in a room where Mrs Hawes the widow at whose
house Sue lodged occupied herself with sewing The regulation was indeed not
easy to evade for there was no other sittingroom in the dwelling
Sometimes as she figured it was arithmetic that they were working at she
would involuntarily glance up with a little inquiring smile at him as if she
assumed that being the master he must perceive all that was passing in her
brain as right or wrong Phillotson was not really thinking of the arithmetic
at all but of her in a novel way which somehow seemed strange to him as
preceptor Perhaps she knew that he was thinking of her thus
For a few weeks their work had gone on with a monotony which in itself was a
delight to him Then it happened that the children were to be taken to
Christminster to see an itinerant exhibition in the shape of a model of
Jerusalem to which schools were admitted at a penny a head in the interests of
education They marched along the road two and two she beside her class with
her simple cotton sunshade her little thumb cocked up against its stem and
Phillotson behind in his long dangling coat handling his walkingstick
genteelly in the musing mood which had come over him since her arrival The
afternoon was one of sun and dust and when they entered the exhibition room few
people were present but themselves
The model of the ancient city stood in the middle of the apartment and the
proprietor with a fine religious philanthropy written on his features walked
round it with a pointer in his hand showing the young people the various
quarters and places known to them by name from reading their Bibles Mount
Moriah the Valley of Jehoshaphat the City of Zion the walls and the gates
outside one of which there was a large mound like a tumulus and on the mound a
little white cross The spot he said was Calvary
»I think« said Sue to the schoolmaster as she stood with him a little in
the background »that this model elaborate as it is is a very imaginary
production How does anybody know that Jerusalem was like this in the time of
Christ I am sure this man doesnt«
»It is made after the best conjectural maps based on actual visits to the
city as it now exists«
»I fancy we have had enough of Jerusalem« she said »considering we are not
descended from the Jews There was nothing firstrate about the place or
people after all as there was about Athens Rome Alexandria and other old
cities«
»But my dear girl consider what it is to us«
She was silent for she was easily repressed and then perceived behind the
group of children clustered round the model a young man in a white flannel
jacket his form being bent so low in his intent inspection of the Valley of
Jehoshaphat that his face was almost hidden from view by the Mount of Olives
»Look at your cousin Jude« continued the schoolmaster »He doesnt think we
have had enough of Jerusalem«
»Ah I didnt see him« she cried in her quick light voice »Jude how
seriously you are going into it«
Jude started up from his reverie and saw her »O Sue« he said with a
glad flush of embarrassment »These are your schoolchildren of course I saw
that schools were admitted in the afternoons and thought you might come but I
got so deeply interested that I didnt remember where I was How it carries one
back doesnt it I could examine it for hours but I have only a few minutes
unfortunately for I am in the middle of a job out here«
»Your cousin is so terribly clever that she criticizes it unmercifully«
said Phillotson with goodhumoured satire »She is quite sceptical as to its
correctness«
»No Mr Phillotson I am not altogether I hate to be what is called a
clever girl there are too many of that sort now« answered Sue sensitively »I
only meant I dont know what I meant except that it was what you dont
understand«
»I know your meaning« said Jude ardently although he did not »And I
think you are quite right«
»Thats a good Jude I know you believe in me« She impulsively seized his
hand and leaving a reproachful look on the schoolmaster turned away to Jude
her voice revealing a tremor which she herself felt to be absurdly uncalled for
by sarcasm so gentle She had not the least conception how the hearts of the
twain went out to her at this momentary revelation of feeling and what a
complication she was building up thereby in the futures of both
The model wore too much of an educational aspect for the children not to
tire of it soon and a little later in the afternoon they were all marched back
to Lumsdon Jude returning to his work He watched the juvenile flock in their
clean frocks and pinafores filing down the street towards the country beside
Phillotson and Sue and a sad dissatisfied sense of being out of the scheme of
the latters lives had possession of him Phillotson had invited him to walk out
and see them on Friday evening when there would be no lessons to give to Sue
and Jude had eagerly promised to avail himself of the opportunity
Meanwhile the scholars and teachers moved homewards and the next day on
looking on the blackboard in Sues class Phillotson was surprised to find upon
it skilfully drawn in chalk a perspective view of Jerusalem with every
building shown in its place
»I thought you took no interest in the model and hardly looked at it« he
said
»I hardly did« said she »but I remembered that much of it«
»It is more than I had remembered myself«
Her Majestys schoolinspector was at that time paying surprisevisits in
this neighbourhood to test the teaching unawares and two days later in the
middle of the morning lessons the latch of the door was softly lifted and in
walked my gentleman the king of terrors to pupilteachers
To Mr Phillotson the surprise was not great like the lady in the story he
had been played that trick too many times to be unprepared But Sues class was
at the further end of the room and her back was towards the entrance the
inspector therefore came and stood behind her and watched her teaching some
halfminute before she became aware of his presence She turned and realized
that an oftdreaded moment had come The effect upon her timidity was such that
she uttered a cry of fright Phillotson with a strange instinct of solicitude
quite beyond his control was at her side just in time to prevent her falling
from faintness She soon recovered herself and laughed but when the inspector
had gone there was a reaction and she was so white that Phillotson took her
into his room and gave her some brandy to bring her round She found him
holding her hand
»You ought to have told me« she gasped petulantly »that one of the
Inspectors surprisevisits was imminent O what shall I do Now hell write and
tell the managers that I am no good and I shall be disgraced for ever«
»He wont do that my dear little girl You are the best teacher ever I
had«
He looked so gently at her that she was moved and regretted that she had
upbraided him When she was better she went home
Jude in the meantime had been waiting impatiently for Friday On both
Wednesday and Thursday he had been so much under the influence of his desire to
see her that he walked after dark some distance along the road in the direction
of the village and on returning to his room to read found himself quite
unable to concentrate his mind on the page On Friday as soon as he had got
himself up as he thought Sue would like to see him and made a hasty tea he set
out notwithstanding that the evening was wet The trees overhead deepened the
gloom of the hour and they dripped sadly upon him impressing him with
forebodings illogical forebodings for though he knew that he loved her he
also knew that he could not be more to her than he was
On turning the corner and entering the village the first sight that greeted
his eyes was that of two figures under one umbrella coming out of the vicarage
gate He was too far back for them to notice him but he knew in a moment that
they were Sue and Phillotson The latter was holding the umbrella over her head
and they had evidently been paying a visit to the vicar probably on some
business connected with the school work And as they walked along the wet and
deserted lane Jude saw Phillotson place his arm round the girls waist
whereupon she gently removed it but he replaced it and she let it remain
looking quickly round her with an air of misgiving She did not look absolutely
behind her and therefore did not see Jude who sank into the hedge like one
struck with a blight There he remained hidden till they had reached Sues
cottage and she had passed in Phillotson going on to the school hard by
»O hes too old for her too old« cried Jude in all the terrible sickness
of hopeless handicapped love
He could not interfere Was he not Arabellas He was unable to go on
further and retraced his steps towards Christminster Every tread of his feet
seemed to say to him that he must on no account stand in the schoolmasters way
with Sue Phillotson was perhaps twenty years her senior but many a happy
marriage had been made in such conditions of age The ironical clinch to his
sorrow was given by the thought that the intimacy between his cousin and the
schoolmaster had been brought about entirely by himself
6
Judes old and embittered aunt lay unwell at Marygreen and on the following
Sunday he went to see her a visit which was the result of a victorious
struggle against his inclination to turn aside to the village of Lumsdon and
obtain a miserable interview with his cousin in which the word nearest his
heart could not be spoken and the sight which had tortured him could not be
revealed
His aunt was now unable to leave her bed and a great part of Judes short
day was occupied in making arrangements for her comfort The little bakery
business had been sold to a neighbour and with the proceeds of this and her
savings she was comfortably supplied with necessaries and more a widow of the
same village living with her and ministering to her wants It was not till the
time had nearly come for him to leave that he obtained a quiet talk with her
and his words tended insensibly towards his cousin
»Was Sue born here«
»She was in this room They were living here at that time What made ee
ask that«
»O I wanted to know«
»Now youve been seeing her« said the harsh old woman »And what did I tell
ee«
»Well that I was not to see her«
»Have you gossiped with her«
»Yes«
»Then dont keep it up« She was brought up by her father to hate her
mothers family and shell look with no favour upon a working chap like you a
townish girl as shes become by now I never cared much about her A pert little
thing thats what she was too often with her tightstrained nerves Manys the
time Ive smacked her for her impertinence Why one day when she was walking
into the pond with her shoes and stockings off and her petticoats pulled above
her knees afore I could cry out for shame she said »Move on aunty This is
no sight for modest eyes«
»She was a little child then«
»She was twelve if a day«
»Well of course But now shes older shes of a thoughtful quivering
tender nature and as sensitive as «
»Jude« cried his aunt springing up in bed »Dont you be a fool about
her«
»No no of course not«
»Your marrying that woman Arabella was about as bad a thing as a man could
possibly do for himself by trying hard But shes gone to the other side of the
world and med never trouble you again And therell be a worse thing if you
tied and bound as you be should have a fancy for Sue If your cousin is civil
to you take her civility for what it is worth But anything more than a
relations good wishes it is stark madness for ee to give her If shes townish
and wanton it med bring ee to ruin«
»Dont say anything against her aunt Dont please«
A relief was afforded to him by the entry of the companion and nurse of his
aunt who must have been listening to the conversation for she began a
commentary on past years introducing Sue Bridehead as a character in her
recollections She described what an odd little maid Sue had been when a pupil
at the village school across the green opposite before her father went to
London how when the vicar arranged readings and recitations she appeared on
the platform the smallest of them all in her little white frock and shoes
and pink sash how she recited Excelsior There was a sound of revelry by night
and The Raven how during the delivery she would knit her little brows and glare
round tragically and say to the empty air as if some real creature stood there
»Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Nights Plutonian shore«
»Shed bring up the nasty carrion bird that clear« corroborated the sick woman
reluctantly »as she stood there in her little sash and things that you could
see un amost before your very eyes You too Jude had the same trick as a
child of seeming to see things in the air«
The neighbour told also of Sues accomplishments in other kinds
»She was not exactly a tomboy you know but she could do things that only
boys do as a rule Ive seen her hit in and steer down the long slide on yonder
pond with her little curls blowing one of a file of twenty moving along
against the sky like shapes painted on glass and up the back slide without
stopping All boys except herself and then theyd cheer her and then shed
say Dont be saucy boys and suddenly run indoors Theyd try to coax her out
again But a wouldnt come«
These retrospective visions of Sue only made Jude the more miserable that he
was unable to woo her and he left the cottage of his aunt that day with a heavy
heart He would fain have glanced into the school to see the room in which Sues
little figure had so glorified itself but he checked his desire and went on
It being Sunday evening some villagers who had known him during his
residence here were standing in a group in their best clothes Jude was startled
by a salute from one of them
»Yeve got there right enough then«
Jude showed that he did not understand
»Why to the seat of larning the City of Light you used to talk to us
about as a little boy Is it all you expected of it«
»Yes more« cried Jude
»When I was there once for an hour I didnt see much in it for my part auld
crumbling buildings half church half almshouse and not much going on at
that«
»You are wrong John there is more going on than meets the eye of a man
walking through the streets It is a unique centre of thought and religion the
intellectual and spiritual granary of this country All that silence and absence
of goingson is the stillness of infinite motion the sleep of the
spinningtop to borrow the simile of a wellknown writer«
»O well it med be all that or it med not As I say I didnt see nothing
of it the hour or two I was there so I went in and had a pot o beer and a
penny loaf and a haporth o cheese and waited till it was time to come along
home Youve jined a College by this time I suppose«
»Ah no« said Jude »I am almost as far off that as ever«
»How so«
Jude slapped his pocket
»Just what we thought Such places be not for such as you only for them
with plenty o money«
»There you are wrong« said Jude with some bitterness »They are for such
ones«
Still the remark was sufficient to withdraw Judes attention from the
imaginative world he had lately inhabited in which an abstract figure more or
less himself was steeping his mind in a sublimation of the arts and sciences
and making his calling and election sure to a seat in the paradise of the
learned He was set regarding his prospects in a cold northern light He had
lately felt that he could not quite satisfy himself in his Greek in the Greek
of the dramatists particularly So fatigued was he sometimes after his days
work that he could not maintain the critical attention necessary for thorough
application He felt that he wanted a coach a friend at his elbow to tell him
in a moment what sometimes would occupy him a weary month in extracting from
unanticipative clumsy books
It was decidedly necessary to consider facts a little more closely than he
had done of late What was the good after all of using up his spare hours in a
vague labour called private study without giving an outlook on practicabilities
»I ought to have thought of this before« he said as he journeyed back »It
would have been better never to have embarked in the scheme at all than to do it
without seeing clearly where I am going or what I am aiming at This
hovering outside the walls of the colleges as if expecting some arm to be
stretched out from them to lift me inside wont do I must get special
information«
The next week accordingly he sought it What at first seemed an opportunity
occurred one afternoon when he saw an elderly gentleman who had been pointed
out as the Head of a particular College walking in the public path of a
parklike enclosure near the spot at which Jude chanced to be sitting The
gentleman came nearer and Jude looked anxiously at his face It seemed benign
considerate yet rather reserved On second thoughts Jude felt that he could not
go up and address him but he was sufficiently influenced by the incident to
think what a wise thing it would be for him to state his difficulties by letter
to some of the best and most judicious of these old masters and obtain their
advice
During the next week or two he accordingly placed himself in such positions
about the city as would afford him glimpses of several of the most distinguished
among the Provosts Wardens and other Heads of Houses and from those he
ultimately selected five whose physiognomies seemed to say to him that they were
appreciative and farseeing men To these five he addressed letters briefly
stating his difficulties and asking their opinion on his stranded situation
When the letters were posted Jude mentally began to criticize them he
wished they had not been sent »It is just one of those intrusive vulgar
pushing applications which are so common in these days« he thought »Why
couldnt I know better than address utter strangers in such a way I may be an
impostor an idle scamp a man with a bad character for all that they know to
the contrary Perhaps thats what I am«
Nevertheless he found himself clinging to the hope of some reply as to his
one last chance of redemption He waited day after day saying that it was
perfectly absurd to expect yet expecting While he waited he was suddenly
stirred by news about Phillotson Phillotson was giving up the school near
Christminster for a larger one further south in MidWessex What this meant
how it would affect his cousin whether as seemed possible it was a practical
move of the schoolmasters towards a larger income in view of a provision for
two instead of one he would not allow himself to say And the tender relations
between Phillotson and the young girl of whom Jude was passionately enamoured
effectually made it repugnant to Judes tastes to apply to Phillotson for advice
on his own scheme
Meanwhile the academic dignitaries to whom Jude had written vouchsafed no
answer and the young man was thus thrown back entirely on himself as formerly
with the added gloom of a weakened hope By indirect inquiries he soon perceived
clearly what he had long uneasily suspected that to qualify himself for
certain open scholarships and exhibitions was the only brilliant course But to
do this a good deal of coaching would be necessary and much natural ability It
was next to impossible that a man reading on his own system however widely and
thoroughly even over the prolonged period of ten years should be able to
compete with those who had passed their lives under trained teachers and had
worked to ordained lines
The other course that of buying himself in so to speak seemed the only
one really open to men like him the difficulty being simply of a material kind
With the help of his information he began to reckon the extent of this material
obstacle and ascertained to his dismay that at the rate at which with the
best of fortune he would be able to save money fifteen years must elapse
before he could be in a position to forward testimonials to the Head of a
College and advance to a matriculation examination The undertaking was
hopeless
He saw what a curious and cunning glamour the neighbourhood of the place had
exercised over him To get there and live there to move among the churches and
halls and become imbued with the genius loci had seemed to his dreaming youth
as the spot shaped its charms to him from its halo on the horizon the obvious
and ideal thing to do »Let me only get there« he had said with the fatuousness
of Crusoe over his big boat »and the rest is but a matter of time and energy«
It would have been far better for him in every way if he had never come within
sight and sound of the delusive precincts had gone to some busy commercial town
with the sole object of making money by his wits and thence surveyed his plan
in true perspective Well all that was clear to him amounted to this that the
whole scheme had burst up like an iridescent soapbubble under the touch of a
reasoned inquiry He looked back at himself along the vista of his past years
and his thought was akin to Heines
»Above the youths inspired and flashing eyes
I see the motley mocking foolscap rise«
Fortunately he had not been allowed to bring his disappointment into his dear
Sues life by involving her in this collapse And the painful details of his
awakening to a sense of his limitations should now be spared her as far as
possible After all she had only known a little part of the miserable struggle
in which he had been engaged thus unequipped poor and unforeseeing
He always remembered the appearance of the afternoon on which he awoke from
his dream Not quite knowing what to do with himself he went up to an octagonal
chamber in the lantern of a singularly built theatre that was set amidst this
quaint and singular city It had windows all round from which an outlook over
the whole town and its edifices could be gained Judes eyes swept all the views
in succession meditatively mournfully yet sturdily Those buildings and their
associations and privileges were not for him From the looming roof of the great
library into which he hardly ever had time to enter his gaze travelled on to
the varied spires halls gables streets chapels gardens quadrangles which
composed the ensemble of this unrivalled panorama He saw that his destiny lay
not with these but among the manual toilers in the shabby purlieu which he
himself occupied unrecognized as part of the city at all by its visitors and
panegyrists yet without whose denizens the hard readers could not read nor the
high thinkers live
He looked over the town into the country beyond to the trees which screened
her whose presence had at first been the support of his heart and whose loss
was now a maddening torture But for this blow he might have borne with his
fate With Sue as companion he could have renounced his ambitions with a smile
Without her it was inevitable that the reaction from the long strain to which he
had subjected himself should affect him disastrously Phillotson had no doubt
passed through a similar intellectual disappointment to that which now enveloped
him But the schoolmaster had been since blest with the consolation of sweet
Sue while for him there was no consoler
Descending to the streets he went listlessly along till he arrived at an
inn and entered it Here he drank several glasses of beer in rapid succession
and when he came out it was night By the light of the flickering lamps he
rambled home to supper and had not long been sitting at table when his landlady
brought up a letter that had just arrived for him She laid it down as if
impressed with a sense of its possible importance and on looking at it Jude
perceived that it bore the embossed stamp of one of the Colleges whose heads he
had addressed «One at last« cried Jude
The communication was brief and not exactly what he had expected though it
really was from the Master in person It ran thus
«BIBLIOLL COLLEGE
Sir I have read your letter with interest and judging from your
description of yourself as a workingman I venture to think that you
will have a much better chance of success in life by remaining in your
own sphere and sticking to your trade than by adopting any other course
That therefore is what I advise you to do Yours faithfully
T TETUPHENAY
To Mr J FAWLEY Stonemason«
This terribly sensible advice exasperated Jude He had known all that before He
knew it was true Yet it seemed a hard slap after ten years of labour and its
effect upon him just now was to make him rise recklessly from the table and
instead of reading as usual to go downstairs and into the street He stood at a
bar and tossed off two or three glasses then unconsciously sauntered along till
he came to a spot called The Fourways in the middle of the city gazing
abstractedly at the groups of people like one in a trance till coming to
himself he began talking to the policeman fixed there
That officer yawned stretched out his elbows elevated himself an inch and
a half on the balls of his toes smiled and looking humorously at Jude said
»Youve had a wet young man«
»No Ive only begun« he replied cynically
Whatever his wetness his brains were dry enough He only heard in part the
policemans further remarks having fallen into thought on what struggling
people like himself had stood at that Crossway whom nobody ever thought of now
It had more history than the oldest college in the city It was literally
teeming stratified with the shades of human groups who had met there for
tragedy comedy farce real enactments of the intensest kind At Fourways men
had stood and talked of Napoleon the loss of America the execution of King
Charles the burning of the Martyrs the Crusades the Norman Conquest possibly
of the arrival of Caesar Here the two sexes had met for loving hating
coupling parting had waited had suffered for each other had triumphed over
each other cursed each other in jealousy blessed each other in forgiveness
He began to see that the town life was a book of humanity infinitely more
palpitating varied and compendious than the gown life These struggling men
and women before him were the reality of Christminster though they knew little
of Christ or Minster That was one of the humours of things The floating
population of students and teachers who did know both in a way were not
Christminster in a local sense at all
He looked at his watch and in pursuit of this idea he went on till he
came to a public hall where a promenade concert was in progress Jude entered
and found the room full of shop youths and girls soldiers apprentices boys of
eleven smoking cigarettes and light women of the more respectable and amateur
class He had tapped the real Christminster life A band was playing and the
crowd walked about and jostled each other and every now and then a man got upon
a platform and sang a comic song
The spirit of Sue seemed to hover round him and prevent his flirting and
drinking with the frolicsome girls who made advances wistful to gain a little
joy At ten oclock he came away choosing a circuitous route homeward to pass
the gates of the College whose Head had just sent him the note
The gates were shut and by an impulse he took from his pocket the lump of
chalk which as a workman he usually carried there and wrote along the wall
I have understanding as well as you I am not inferior to you yea who
knoweth not such things as these Job xii 3
7
The stroke of scorn relieved his mind and the next morning he laughed at his
selfconceit But the laugh was not a healthy one He reread the letter from
the Master and the wisdom in its lines which had at first exasperated him
chilled and depressed him now He saw himself as a fool indeed
Deprived of the objects of both intellect and emotion he could not proceed
to his work Whenever he felt reconciled to his fate as a student there came to
disturb his calm his hopeless relations with Sue That the one affined soul he
had ever met was lost to him through his marriage returned upon him with cruel
persistency till unable to bear it longer he again rushed for distraction to
the real Christminster life He now sought it out in an obscure and lowceiled
tavern up a court which was well known to certain worthies of the place and in
brighter times would have interested him simply by its quaintness Here he sat
more or less all the day convinced that he was at bottom a vicious character
of whom it was hopeless to expect anything
In the evening the frequenters of the house dropped in one by one Jude
still retaining his seat in the corner though his money was all spent and he
had not eaten anything the whole day except a biscuit He surveyed his gathering
companions with all the equanimity and philosophy of a man who has been drinking
long and slowly and made friends with several to wit Tinker Taylor a decayed
churchironmonger who appeared to have been of a religious turn in earlier years
but was somewhat blasphemous now also a rednosed auctioneer also two Gothic
masons like himself called Uncle Jim and Uncle Joe There were present too
some clerks and a gown and surplicemakers assistant two ladies who sported
moral characters of various depths of shade according to their company
nicknamed Bower o Bliss and Freckles some horsey men in the know of betting
circles a travelling actor from the theatre and two devilmaycare young men
who proved to be gownless undergraduates they had slipped in by stealth to meet
a man about bullpups and stayed to drink and smoke short pipes with the racing
gents aforesaid looking at their watches every now and then
The conversation waxed general Christminster society was criticized the
Dons magistrates and other people in authority being sincerely pitied for
their shortcomings while opinions on how they ought to conduct themselves and
their affairs to be properly respected were exchanged in a largeminded and
disinterested manner
Jude Fawley with the selfconceit effrontery and aplomb of a
strongbrained fellow in liquor threw in his remarks somewhat peremptorily and
his aims having been what they were for so many years everything the others
said turned upon his tongue by a sort of mechanical craze to the subject of
scholarship and study the extent of his own learning being dwelt upon with an
insistence that would have appeared pitiable to himself in his sane hours
»I dont care a damn« he was saying »for any Provost Warden Principal
Fellow or cursed Master of Arts in the University What I know is that Id lick
em on their own ground if theyd give me a chance and show em a few things
they are not up to yet«
»Hear hear« said the undergraduates from the corner where they were
talking privately about the pups
»You always was fond o books Ive heard« said Tinker Taylor »and I dont
doubt what you state Now with me twas different I always saw there was more
to be learnt outside a book than in and I took my steps accordingly or I
shouldnt have been the man I am«
»You aim at the Church I believe« said Uncle Joe »If you are such a
scholar as to pitch yer hopes so high as that why not give us a specimen of
your scholarship Canst say the Creed in Latin man That was how they once put
it to a chap down in my country«
»I should think so« said Jude haughtily
»Not he Like his conceit« screamed one of the ladies
»Just you shut up Bower o Bliss« said one of the undergraduates
»Silence« He drank off the spirits in his tumbler rapped with it on the
counter and announced »The gentleman in the corner is going to rehearse the
Articles of his Belief in the Latin tongue for the edification of the
company«
»I wont« said Jude
»Yes have a try« said the surplicemaker
»You cant« said Uncle Joe
»Yes he can« said Tinker Taylor
»Ill swear I can« said Jude »Well come now stand me a small Scotch
cold and Ill do it straight off«
»Thats a fair offer« said the undergraduate throwing down the money for
the whisky
The barmaid concocted the mixture with the bearing of a person compelled to
live amongst animals of an inferior species and the glass was handed across to
Jude who having drunk the contents stood up and began rhetorically without
hesitation
»Credo in unum Deum Patrem omnipotentem Factorem coeli et terrae
visibilium omnium et invisibilium«
»Good Excellent Latin« cried one of the undergraduates who however had
not the slightest conception of a single word
A silence reigned among the rest in the bar and the maid stood still
Judes voice echoing sonorously into the inner parlour where the landlord was
dozing and bringing him out to see what was going on Jude had declaimed
steadily ahead and was continuing
»Crucifixus etiam pro nobis sub Pontio Pilato passus et sepultus est Et
resurrexit tertia die secundum Scripturas«
»Thats the Nicene« sneered the second undergraduate »And we wanted the
Apostles«
»You didnt say so And every fool knows except you that the Nicene is the
most historic creed«
»Let un go on let un go on« said the auctioneer
But Judes mind seemed to grow confused soon and he could not get on He
put his hand to his forehead and his face assumed an expression of pain
»Give him another glass then hell fetch up and get through it« said
Tinker Taylor
Somebody threw down threepence the glass was handed Jude stretched out his
arm for it without looking and having swallowed the liquor went on in a moment
in a revived voice raising it as he neared the end with the manner of a priest
leading a congregation
»Et in Spiritum Sanctum Dominum et vivificantem qui ex Patre Filioque
procedit Qui cum Patre et Filio simul adoratur et conglorificatur Qui locutus
est per prophetas
Et unam Catholicam et Apostolicam Ecclesiam Confiteor unum Baptisma in
remissionem peccatorum Et expecto Resurrectionem mortuorum Et vitam venturi
saeculi Amen«
»Well done« said several enjoying the last word as being the first and
only one they had recognized
Then Jude seemed to shake the fumes from his brain as he stared round upon
them
»You pack of fools« he cried »Which one of you knows whether I have said
it or no It might have been the Ratcatchers Daughter in double Dutch for all
that your besotted heads can tell See what I have brought myself to the crew
I have come among«
The landlord who had already had his license endorsed for harbouring queer
characters feared a riot and came outside the counter but Jude in his sudden
flash of reason had turned in disgust and left the scene the door slamming
with a dull thud behind him
He hastened down the lane and round into the straight broad street which he
followed till it merged in the highway and all sound of his late companions had
been left behind Onward he still went under the influence of a childlike
yearning for the one being in the world to whom it seemed possible to fly an
unreasoning desire whose ill judgment was not apparent to him now In the
course of an hour when it was between ten and eleven oclock he entered the
village of Lumsdon and reaching the cottage saw that a light was burning in a
downstairs room which he assumed rightly as it happened to be hers
Jude stepped close to the wall and tapped with his finger on the pane
saying impatiently »Sue Sue«
She must have recognized his voice for the light disappeared from the
apartment and in a second or two the door was unlocked and opened and Sue
appeared with a candle in her hand
»Is it Jude Yes it is My dear dear cousin whats the matter«
»O I am I couldnt help coming Sue« said he sinking down upon the
doorstep »I am so wicked Sue my heart is nearly broken and I could not bear
my life as it was So I have been drinking and blaspheming or next door to it
and saying holy things in disreputable quarters repeating in idle bravado
words which ought never to be uttered but reverently O do anything with me
Sue kill me I dont care Only dont hate me and despise me like all the
rest of the world«
»You are ill poor dear No I wont despise you of course I wont Come in
and rest and let me see what I can do for you Now lean on me and dont mind«
With one hand holding the candle and the other supporting him she led him
indoors and placed him in the only easychair the meagrely furnished house
afforded stretching his feet upon another and pulling off his boots Jude now
getting towards his sober senses could only say »Dear dear Sue« in a voice
broken by grief and contrition
She asked him if he wanted anything to eat but he shook his head Then
telling him to go to sleep and that she would come down early in the morning
and get him some breakfast she bade him goodnight and ascended the stairs
Almost immediately he fell into a heavy slumber and did not wake till dawn
At first he did not know where he was but by degrees his situation cleared to
him and he beheld it in all the ghastliness of a right mind She knew the worst
of him the very worst How could he face her now She would soon be coming
down to see about breakfast as she had said and there would he be in all his
shame confronting her He could not bear the thought and softly drawing on his
boots and taking his hat from the nail on which she had hung it he slipped
noiselessly out of the house
His fixed idea was to get away to some obscure spot and hide and perhaps
pray and the only spot which occurred to him was Marygreen He called at his
lodging in Christminster where he found awaiting him a note of dismissal from
his employer and having packed up he turned his back upon the city that had
been such a thorn in his side and struck southward into Wessex He had no money
left in his pocket his small savings deposited at one of the banks in
Christminster having fortunately been left untouched To get to Marygreen
therefore his only course was walking and the distance being nearly twenty
miles he had ample time to complete on the way the sobering process begun in
him
At some hour of the evening he reached Alfredston Here he pawned his
waistcoat and having gone out of the town a mile or two slept under a rick
that night At dawn he rose shook off the hayseeds and stems from his clothes
and started again breasting the long white road up the hill to the downs which
had been visible to him a long way off and passing the milestone at the top
whereon he had carved his hopes years ago
He reached the ancient hamlet while the people were at breakfast Weary and
mudbespattered but quite possessed of his ordinary clearness of brain he sat
down by the well thinking as he did so what a poor Christ he made Seeing a
trough of water near he bathed his face and went on to the cottage of his
greataunt whom he found breakfasting in bed attended by the woman who lived
with her
»What out o work« asked his relative regarding him through eyes sunken
deep under lids heavy as potcovers no other cause for his tumbled appearance
suggesting itself to one whose whole life had been a struggle with material
things
»Yes« said Jude heavily »I think I must have a little rest«
Refreshed by some breakfast he went up to his old room and lay down in his
shirtsleeves after the manner of the artizan He fell asleep for a short
while and when he awoke it was as if he had awakened in hell It was hell the
hell of conscious failure both in ambition and in love He thought of that
previous abyss into which he had fallen before leaving this part of the country
the deepest deep he had supposed it then but it was not so deep as this That
had been the breaking in of the outer bulwarks of his hope this was of his
second line
If he had been a woman he must have screamed under the nervous tension which
he was now undergoing But that relief being denied to his virility he clenched
his teeth in misery bringing lines about his mouth like those in the Laocoon
and corrugations between his brows
A mournful wind blew through the trees and sounded in the chimney like the
pedal notes of an organ Each ivy leaf overgrowing the wall of the churchless
churchyard hard by now abandoned pecked its neighbour smartly and the vane on
the new VictorianGothic church in the new spot had already begun to creak Yet
apparently it was not always the outdoor wind that made the deep murmurs it was
a voice He guessed its origin in a moment or two the curate was praying with
his aunt in the adjoining room He remembered her speaking of him Presently the
sounds ceased and a step seemed to cross the landing Jude sat up and shouted
»Hoi«
The step made for his door which was open and a man looked in It was a
young clergyman
»I think you are Mr Highridge« said Jude »My aunt has mentioned you more
than once Well here I am just come home a fellow gone to the bad though I
had the best intentions in the world at one time Now I am melancholy mad what
with drinking and one thing and another«
Slowly Jude unfolded to the curate his late plans and movements by an
unconscious bias dwelling less upon the intellectual and ambitious side of his
dream and more upon the theological though this had up till now been merely
a portion of the general plan of advancement
»Now I know I have been a fool and that folly is with me« added Jude in
conclusion »And I dont regret the collapse of my University hopes one jot I
wouldnt begin again if I were sure to succeed I dont care for social success
any more at all But I do feel I should like to do some good thing and I
bitterly regret the Church and the loss of my chance of being her ordained
minister«
The curate who was a new man to this neighbourhood had grown deeply
interested and at last he said »If you feel a real call to the ministry and I
wont say from your conversation that you do not for it is that of a thoughtful
and educated man you might enter the Church as a licentiate Only you must make
up your mind to avoid strong drink«
»I could avoid that easily enough if I had any kind of hope to support me«
Part Third
»For there was no other girl O bridegroom like her«
Sappho H T Wharton
At Melchester
1
It was a new idea the ecclesiastical and altruistic life as distinct from the
intellectual and emulative life A man could preach and do good to his
fellowcreatures without taking doublefirsts in the schools of Christminster
or having anything but ordinary knowledge The old fancy which had led on to the
culminating vision of the bishopric had not been an ethical or theological
enthusiasm at all but a mundane ambition masquerading in a surplice He feared
that his whole scheme had degenerated to even though it might not have
originated in a social unrest which had no foundation in the nobler instincts
which was purely an artificial product of civilization There were thousands of
young men on the same selfseeking track at the present moment The sensual hind
who ate drank and lived carelessly with his wife through the days of his
vanity was a more likable being than he
But to enter the Church in such an unscholarly way that he could not in any
probability rise to a higher grade through all his career than that of the
humble curate wearing his life out in an obscure village or city slum that
might have a touch of goodness and greatness in it that might be true religion
and a purgatorial course worthy of being followed by a remorseful man
The favourable light in which this new thought showed itself by contrast
with his foregone intentions cheered Jude as he sat there shabby and lonely
and it may be said to have given during the next few days the coup de grâce to
his intellectual career a career which had extended over the greater part of a
dozen years He did nothing however for some long stagnant time to advance his
new desire occupying himself with little local jobs in putting up and lettering
headstones about the neighbouring villages and submitting to be regarded as a
social failure a returned purchase by the halfdozen or so of farmers and
other countrypeople who condescended to nod to him
The human interest of the new intention and a human interest is
indispensable to the most spiritual and selfsacrificing was created by a
letter from Sue bearing a fresh postmark She evidently wrote with anxiety and
told very little about her own doings more than that she had passed some sort
of examination for a Queens Scholarship and was going to enter a Training
College at Melchester to complete herself for the vocation she had chosen
partly by his influence There was a Theological College at Melchester
Melchester was a quiet and soothing place almost entirely ecclesiastical in its
tone a spot where worldly learning and intellectual smartness had no
establishment where the altruistic feeling that he did possess would perhaps be
more highly estimated than a brilliancy which he did not
As it would be necessary that he should continue for a time to work at his
trade while reading up Divinity which he had neglected at Christminster for the
ordinary classical grind what better course for him than to get employment at
the further city and pursue this plan of reading That his excessive human
interest in the new place was entirely of Sues making while at the same time
Sue was to be regarded even less than formerly as proper to create it had an
ethical contradictoriness to which he was not blind But that much he conceded
to human frailty and hoped to learn to love her only as a friend and kinswoman
He considered that he might so mark out his coming years as to begin his
ministry at the age of thirty an age which much attracted him as being that of
his exemplar when he first began to teach in Galilee This would allow him
plenty of time for deliberate study and for acquiring capital by his trade to
help his aftercourse of keeping the necessary terms at a Theological College
Christmas had come and passed and Sue had gone to the Melchester Normal School
The time was just the worst in the year for Jude to get into new employment and
he had written suggesting to her that he should postpone his arrival for a month
or so till the days had lengthened She had acquiesced so readily that he
wished he had not proposed it she evidently did not much care about him
though she had never once reproached him for his strange conduct in coming to
her that night and his silent disappearance Neither had she ever said a word
about her relations with Mr Phillotson
Suddenly however quite a passionate letter arrived from Sue She was quite
lonely and miserable she told him She hated the place she was in it was worse
than the ecclesiastical designers worse than anywhere She felt utterly
friendless could he come immediately though when he did come she would only
be able to see him at limited times the rules of the establishment she found
herself in being strict to a degree It was Mr Phillotson who had advised her
to come there and she wished she had never listened to him
Phillotsons suit was not exactly prospering evidently and Jude felt
unreasonably glad He packed up his things and went to Melchester with a lighter
heart than he had known for months
This being the turning over a new leaf he duly looked about for a temperance
hotel and found a little establishment of that description in the street
leading from the station When he had had something to eat he walked out into
the dull winter light over the town bridge and turned the corner towards the
Close The day was foggy and standing under the walls of the most graceful
architectural pile in England he paused and looked up The lofty building was
visible as far as the roofridge above the dwindling spire rose more and more
remotely till its apex was quite lost in the mist drifting across it
The lamps now began to be lighted and turning to the west front he walked
round He took it as a good omen that numerous blocks of stone were lying about
which signified that the cathedral was undergoing restoration or repair to a
considerable extent It seemed to him full of the superstitions of his beliefs
that this was an exercise of forethought on the part of a ruling Power that he
might find plenty to do in the art he practised while waiting for a call to
higher labours
Then a wave of warmth came over him as he thought how near he now stood to
the brighteyed vivacious girl with the broad forehead and pile of dark hair
above it the girl with the kindling glance daringly soft at times something
like that of the girls he had seen in engravings from paintings of the Spanish
school She was here actually in this Close in one of the houses confronting
this very west façade
He went down the broad gravel path towards the building It was an ancient
edifice of the fifteenth century once a palace now a trainingschool with
mullioned and transomed windows and a courtyard in front shut in from the road
by a wall Jude opened the gate and went up to the door through which on
inquiring for his cousin he was gingerly admitted to a waitingroom and in a
few minutes she came
Though she had been here such a short while she was not as he had seen her
last All her bounding manner was gone her curves of motion had become subdued
lines The screens and subtleties of convention had likewise disappeared Yet
neither was she quite the woman who had written the letter that summoned him
That had plainly been dashed off in an impulse which second thoughts had
somewhat regretted thoughts that were possibly of his recent selfdisgrace
Jude was quite overcome with emotion
»You dont think me a demoralized wretch for coming to you as I was
and going so shamefully Sue«
»O I have tried not to You said enough to let me know what had caused it
I hope I shall never have any doubt of your worthiness my poor Jude And I am
glad you have come«
She wore a murreycoloured gown with a little lace collar It was made quite
plain and hung about her slight figure with clinging gracefulness Her hair
which formerly she had worn according to the custom of the day was now twisted
up tightly and she had altogether the air of a woman clipped and pruned by
severe discipline an underbrightness shining through from the depths which
that discipline had not yet been able to reach
She had come forward prettily but Jude felt that she had hardly expected
him to kiss her as he was burning to do under other colours than those of
cousinship He could not perceive the least sign that Sue regarded him as a
lover or ever would do so now that she knew the worst of him even if he had
the right to behave as one and this helped on his growing resolve to tell her
of his matrimonial entanglement which he had put off doing from time to time in
sheer dread of losing the bliss of her company
Sue came out into the town with him and they walked and talked with tongues
centred only on the passing moments Jude said he would like to buy her a little
present of some sort and then she confessed with something of shame that she
was dreadfully hungry They were kept on very short allowances in the College
and a dinner tea and supper all in one was the present she most desired in the
world Jude thereupon took her to an inn and ordered whatever the house
afforded which was not much The place however gave them a delightful
opportunity for a têteàtête nobody else being in the room and they talked
freely
She told him about the school as it was at that date and the rough living
and the mixed character of her fellowstudents gathered together from all parts
of the diocese and how she had to get up and work by gaslight in the early
morning with all the bitterness of a young person to whom restraint was new To
all this he listened but it was not what he wanted especially to know her
relations with Phillotson That was what she did not tell When they had sat and
eaten Jude impulsively placed his hand upon hers she looked up and smiled and
took his quite freely into her own little soft one dividing his fingers and
coolly examining them as if they were the fingers of a glove she was
purchasing
»Your hands are rather rough Jude arent they« she said
»Yes So would yours be if they held a mallet and chisel all day«
»I dont dislike it you know I think it is noble to see a mans hands
subdued to what he works in Well Im rather glad I came to this
TrainingSchool after all See how independent I shall be after the two years
training I shall pass pretty high I expect and Mr Phillotson will use his
influence to get me a big school«
She had touched the subject at last »I had a suspicion a fear« said Jude
»that he cared about you rather warmly and perhaps wanted to marry you«
»Now dont be such a silly boy«
»He has said something about it I expect«
»If he had what would it matter An old man like him«
»O come Sue hes not so very old And I know what I saw him doing «
»Not kissing me that Im certain«
»No But putting his arm round your waist«
»Ah I remember But I didnt know he was going to«
»You are wriggling out of it Sue and it isnt quite kind«
Her eversensitive lip began to quiver and her eye to blink at something
this reproof was deciding her to say
»I know youll be angry if I tell you everything and thats why I dont
want to«
»Very well then dear« he said soothingly »I have no real right to ask
you and I dont wish to know«
»I shall tell you« said she with the perverseness that was part of her
»This is what I have done I have promised I have promised that I will marry
him when I come out of the TrainingSchool two years hence and have got my
Certificate his plan being that we shall then take a large double school in a
great town he the boys and I the girls as married schoolteachers often
do and make a good income between us«
»O Sue But of course it is right you couldnt have done better«
He glanced at her and their eyes met the reproach in his own belying his
words Then he drew his hand quite away from hers and turned his face in
estrangement from her to the window Sue regarded him passively without moving
»I knew you would be angry« she said with an air of no emotion whatever
»Very well I am wrong I suppose I ought not to have let you come to see me
We had better not meet again and well only correspond at long intervals on
purely business matters«
This was just the one thing he would not be able to bear as she probably
knew and it brought him round at once »O yes we will« he said quickly »Your
being engaged can make no difference to me whatever I have a perfect right to
see you when I want to and I shall«
»Then dont let us talk of it any more It is quite spoiling our evening
together What does it matter about what one is going to do two years hence«
She was something of a riddle to him and he let the subject drift away
»Shall we go and sit in the Cathedral« he asked when their meal was finished
»Cathedral Yes Though I think Id rather sit in the railway station« she
answered a remnant of vexation still in her voice »Thats the centre of the
town life now The Cathedral has had its day«
»How modern you are«
»So would you be if you had lived so much in the Middle Ages as I have done
these last few years The Cathedral was a very good place four or five centuries
ago but it is played out now I am not modern either I am more ancient than
mediævalism if you only knew«
Jude looked distressed
»There I wont say any more of that« she cried »Only you dont know how
bad I am from your point of view or you wouldnt think so much of me or care
whether I was engaged or not Now theres just time for us to walk round the
Close then I must go in or I shall be locked out for the night«
He took her to the gate and they parted Jude had a conviction that his
unhappy visit to her on that sad night had precipitated this marriage
engagement and it did anything but add to his happiness Her reproach had taken
that shape then and not the shape of words However next day he set about
seeking employment which it was not so easy to get as at Christminster there
being as a rule less stonecutting in progress in this quiet city and hands
being mostly permanent But he edged himself in by degrees His first work was
some carving at the cemetery on the hill and ultimately he became engaged on
the labour he most desired the Cathedral repairs which were very extensive
the whole interior stonework having been overhauled to be largely replaced by
new
It might be a labour of years to get it all done and he had confidence
enough in his own skill with the mallet and chisel to feel that it would be a
matter of choice with himself how long he would stay
The lodgings he took near the Close Gate would not have disgraced a curate
the rent representing a higher percentage on his wages than mechanics of any
sort usually care to pay His combined bed and sitting room was furnished with
framed photographs of the rectories and deaneries at which his landlady had
lived as trusted servant in her time and the parlour downstairs bore a clock on
the mantelpiece inscribed to the effect that it was presented to the same
seriousminded woman by her fellowservants on the occasion of her marriage
Jude added to the furniture of his room by unpacking photographs of the
ecclesiastical carvings and monuments that he had executed with his own hands
and he was deemed a satisfactory acquisition as tenant of the vacant apartment
He found an ample supply of theological books in the city bookshops and
with these his studies were recommenced in a different spirit and direction from
his former course As a relaxation from the Fathers and such stock works as
Paley and Butler he read Newman Pusey and many other modern lights He hired
a harmonium set it up in his lodging and practised chants thereon single and
double
2
»Tomorrow is our grand day you know Where shall we go«
»I have leave from three till nine Wherever we can get to and come back
from in that time Not ruins Jude I dont care for them«
»Well Wardour Castle And then we can do Fonthill if we like all in the
same afternoon«
»Wardour is Gothic ruins and I hate Gothic«
»No Quite otherwise It is a classic building Corinthian I think with a
lot of pictures«
»Ah that will do I like the sound of Corinthian Well go«
Their conversation had run thus some few weeks later and next morning they
prepared to start Every detail of the outing was a facet reflecting a sparkle
to Jude and he did not venture to meditate on the life of inconsistency he was
leading His Sues conduct was one lovely conundrum to him he could say no
more
There duly came the charm of calling at the College door for her her
emergence in a nunlike simplicity of costume that was rather enforced than
desired the traipsing along to the station the porters »Byour leave« the
screaming of the trains everything formed the basis of a beautiful
crystallization Nobody stared at Sue because she was so plainly dressed which
comforted Jude in the thought that only himself knew the charms those
habiliments subdued A matter of ten pounds spent in a draperyshop which had
no connection with her real life or her real self would have set all Melchester
staring The guard of the train thought they were lovers and put them into a
compartment all by themselves
»Thats a good intention wasted« said she
Jude did not respond He thought the remark unnecessarily cruel and partly
untrue
They reached the Park and Castle and wandered through the picturegalleries
Jude stopping by preference in front of the devotional pictures by Del Sarto
Guido Reni Spagnoletto Sassoferrato Carlo Dolci and others Sue paused
patiently beside him and stole critical looks into his face as regarding the
Virgins Holy Families and Saints it grew reverent and abstracted When she
had thoroughly estimated him at this she would move on and wait for him before
a Lely or Reynolds It was evident that her cousin deeply interested her as one
might be interested in a man puzzling out his way along a labyrinth from which
one had ones self escaped
When they came out a long time still remained to them and Jude proposed
that as soon as they had had something to eat they should walk across the high
country to the north of their present position and intercept the train of
another railway leading back to Melchester at a station about seven miles off
Sue who was inclined for any adventure that would intensify the sense of her
days freedom readily agreed and away they went leaving the adjoining station
behind them
It was indeed open country wide and high They talked and bounded on Jude
cutting from a little covert a long walkingstick for Sue as tall as herself
with a great crook which made her look like a shepherdess About halfway on
their journey they crossed a main road running due east and west the old road
from London to Lands End They paused and looked up and down it for a moment
and remarked upon the desolation which had come over this once lively
thoroughfare while the wind dipped to earth and scooped straws and haystems
from the ground
They crossed the road and passed on but during the next halfmile Sue
seemed to grow tired and Jude began to be distressed for her They had walked a
good distance altogether and if they could not reach the other station it would
be rather awkward For a long time there was no cottage visible on the wide
expanse of down and turnipland but presently they came to a sheepfold and
next to the shepherd pitching hurdles He told them that the only house near
was his mothers and his pointing to a little dip ahead from which a faint blue
smoke arose and recommended them to go on and rest there
This they did and entered the house admitted by an old woman without a single
tooth to whom they were as civil as strangers can be when their only chance of
rest and shelter lies in the favour of the householder
»A nice little cottage« said Jude
»O I dont know about the niceness I shall have to thatch it soon and
where the thatch is to come from I cant tell for straw do get that dear that
twill soon be cheaper to cover your house wi chainey plates than thatch«
They sat resting and the shepherd came in »Dont ee mind I« he said with
a deprecating wave of the hand »bide here as long as ye will But mid you be
thinking o getting back to Melchester tonight by train Because youll never
do it in this world since you dont know the lie of the country I dont mind
going with ye some o the ways but even then the train mid be gone«
They started up
»You can bide here you know over the night cant em mother The place
is welcome to ye Tis hard lying rather but volk may do worse« He turned to
Jude and asked privately »Be you a married couple«
»Hsh no« said Jude
»O I meant nothing bady not I Well then she can go into mothers
room and you and I can lie in the outer chimmer after theyve gone through I
can call ye soon enough to catch the first train back Youve lost this one
now«
On consideration they decided to close with this offer and drew up and
shared with the shepherd and his mother the boiled bacon and greens for supper
»I rather like this« said Sue while their entertainers were clearing away
the dishes »Outside all laws except gravitation and germination«
»You only think you like it you dont you are quite a product of
civilization« said Jude a recollection of her engagement reviving his soreness
a little
»Indeed I am not Jude I like reading and all that but I crave to get back
to the life of my infancy and its freedom«
»Do you remember it so well You seem to me to have nothing unconventional
at all about you«
»O havent I You dont know whats inside me«
»What«
»The Ishmaelite«
»An urban miss is what you are«
She looked severe disagreement and turned away
The shepherd aroused them the next morning as he had said It was bright
and clear and the four miles to the train were accomplished pleasantly When
they had reached Melchester and walked to the Close and the gables of the old
building in which she was again to be immured rose before Sues eyes she looked
a little scared »I expect I shall catch it« she murmured
They rang the great bell and waited
»O I bought something for you which I had nearly forgotten« she said
quickly searching her pocket »It is a new little photograph of me Would you
like it«
»Would I« He took it gladly and the porter came There seemed to be an
ominous glance on his face when he opened the gate She passed in looking back
at Jude and waving her hand
3
The seventy young women of ages varying in the main from nineteen to
oneandtwenty though several were older who at this date filled the species
of nunnery known as the TrainingSchool at Melchester formed a very mixed
community which included the daughters of mechanics curates surgeons
shopkeepers farmers dairymen soldiers sailors and villagers They sat in
the large schoolroom of the establishment on the evening previously described
and word was passed round that Sue Bridehead had not come in at closingtime
»She went out with her young man« said a secondyears student who knew
about young men »And Miss Traceley saw her at the station with him Shell have
it hot when she does come«
»She said he was her cousin« observed a youthful new girl
»That excuse has been made a little too often in this school to be effectual
in saving our souls« said the head girl of the year drily
The fact was that only twelve months before there had occurred a
lamentable seduction of one of the pupils who had made the same statement in
order to gain meetings with her lover The affair had created a scandal and the
management had consequently been rough on cousins ever since
At nine oclock the names were called Sues being pronounced three times
sonorously by Miss Traceley without eliciting an answer
At a quarter past nine the seventy stood up to sing the Evening Hymn and
then knelt down to prayers After prayers they went in to supper and every
girls thought was Where is Sue Bridehead Some of the students who had seen
Jude from the window felt that they would not mind risking her punishment for
the pleasure of being kissed by such a kindlyfaced young man Hardly one among
them believed in the cousinship
Halfanhour later they all lay in their cubicles their tender feminine
faces upturned to the flaring gasjets which at intervals stretched down the
long dormitories every face bearing the legend The Weaker upon it as the
penalty of the sex wherein they were moulded which by no possible exertion of
their willing hearts and abilities could be made strong while the inexorable
laws of nature remain what they are They formed a pretty suggestive pathetic
sight of whose pathos and beauty they were themselves unconscious and would
not discover till amid the storms and strains of afteryears with their
injustice loneliness childbearing and bereavement their minds would revert
to this experience as to something which had been allowed to slip past them
insufficiently regarded
One of the mistresses came in to turn out the lights and before doing so
gave a final glance at Sues cot which remained empty and at her little
dressingtable at the foot which like all the rest was ornamented with
various girlish trifles framed photographs being not the least conspicuous
among them Sues table had a moderate show two men in their filigree and
velvet frames standing together beside her lookingglass
»Who are these men did she ever say« asked the mistress »Strictly
speaking relations portraits only are allowed on these tables you know«
»One the middleaged man« said a student in the next bed »is the
schoolmaster she served under Mr Phillotson«
»And the other this undergraduate in cap and gown who is he«
»He is a friend or was She has never told his name«
»Was it either of these two who came for her«
»No«
»You are sure twas not the undergraduate«
»Quite He was a young man with a black beard«
The lights were promptly extinguished and till they fell asleep the girls
indulged in conjectures about Sue and wondered what games she had carried on in
London and at Christminster before she came here some of the more restless ones
getting out of bed and looking from the mullioned windows at the vast west front
of the Cathedral opposite and the spire rising behind it
When they awoke the next morning they glanced into Sues nook to find it
still without a tenant After the early lessons by gaslight in halftoilet
and when they had come up to dress for breakfast the bell of the entrance gate
was heard to ring loudly The mistress of the dormitory went away and presently
came back to say that the Principals orders were that nobody was to speak to
Bridehead without permission
When accordingly Sue came into the dormitory to hastily tidy herself
looking flushed and tired she went to her cubicle in silence none of them
coming out to greet her or to make inquiry When they had gone downstairs they
found that she did not follow them into the dininghall to breakfast and they
then learnt that she had been severely reprimanded and ordered to a solitary
room for a week there to be confined and take her meals and do all her
reading
At this the seventy murmured the sentence being they thought too severe
A round robin was prepared and sent in to the Principal asking for a remission
of Sues punishment No notice was taken Towards evening when the geography
mistress began dictating her subject the girls in the class sat with folded
arms
»You mean that you are not going to work« said the mistress at last »I may
as well tell you that it has been ascertained that the young man Bridehead
stayed out with was not her cousin for the very good reason that she has no
such relative We have written to Christminster to ascertain«
»We are willing to take her word« said the head girl
»This young man was discharged from his work at Christminster for
drunkenness and blasphemy in publichouses and he has come here to live
entirely to be near her«
However they remained stolid and motionless and the mistress left the room
to inquire from her superiors what was to be done
Presently towards dusk the pupils as they sat heard exclamations from
the firstyears girls in an adjoining classroom and one rushed in to say that
Sue Bridehead had got out of the back window of the room in which she had been
confined escaped in the dark across the lawn and disappeared How she had
managed to get out of the garden nobody could tell as it was bounded by the
river at the bottom and the side door was locked
They went and looked at the empty room the casement between the middle
mullions of which stood open The lawn was again searched with a lantern every
bush and shrub being examined but she was nowhere hidden Then the porter of
the front gate was interrogated and on reflection he said that he remembered
hearing a sort of splashing in the stream at the back but he had taken no
notice thinking some ducks had come down the river from above
»She must have walked through the river« said a mistress
»Or drounded herself« said the porter
The mind of the matron was horrified not so much at the possible death of
Sue as at the possible halfcolumn detailing that event in all the newspapers
which added to the scandal of the year before would give the College an
unenviable notoriety for many months to come
More lanterns were procured and the river examined and then at last on
the opposite shore which was open to the fields some little boottracks were
discerned in the mud which left no doubt that the too excitable girl had waded
through a depth of water reaching nearly to her shoulders for this was the
chief river of the county and was mentioned in all the geography books with
respect As Sue had not brought disgrace upon the school by drowning herself
the matron began to speak superciliously of her and to express gladness that
she was gone
On the selfsame evening Jude sat in his lodgings by the Close Gate Often
at this hour after dusk he would enter the silent Close and stand opposite the
house that contained Sue and watch the shadows of the girls heads passing to
and fro upon the blinds and wish he had nothing else to do but to sit reading
and learning all day what many of the thoughtless inmates despised But
tonight having finished tea and brushed himself up he was deep in the perusal
of the Twentyninth Volume of Puseys Library of the Fathers a set of books
which he had purchased of a secondhand dealer at a price that seemed to him to
be one of miraculous cheapness for that invaluable work He fancied he heard
something rattle lightly against his window then he heard it again Certainly
somebody had thrown gravel He rose and gently lifted the sash
»Jude« from below
»Sue«
»Yes it is Can I come up without being seen«
»O yes«
»Then dont come down Shut the window«
Jude waited knowing that she could enter easily enough the front door
being opened merely by a knob which anybody could turn as in most old country
towns He palpitated at the thought that she had fled to him in her trouble as
he had fled to her in his What counterparts they were He unlatched the door of
his room heard a stealthy rustle on the dark stairs and in a moment she
appeared in the light of his lamp He went up to seize her hand and found she
was clammy as a marine deity and that her clothes clung to her like the robes
upon the figures in the Parthenon frieze
»Im so cold« she said through her chattering teeth »Can I come by your
fire Jude«
She crossed to his little grate and very little fire but as the water
dripped from her as she moved the idea of drying herself was absurd »Whatever
have you done darling« he asked with alarm the tender epithet slipping out
unawares
»Walked through the largest river in the county thats what Ive done
They locked me up for being out with you and it seemed so unjust that I
couldnt bear it so I got out of the window and escaped across the stream« She
had begun the explanation in her usual slightly independent tones but before
she had finished the thin pink lips trembled and she could hardly refrain from
crying
»Dear Sue« he said »You must take off all your things And let me see
you must borrow some from the landlady Ill ask her«
»No no Dont let her know for Gods sake We are so near the school that
theyll come after me«
»Then you must put on mine You dont mind«
»O no«
»My Sunday suit you know It is close here« In fact everything was close
and handy in Judes single chamber because there was not room for it to be
otherwise He opened a drawer took out his best dark suit and giving the
garments a shake said »Now how long shall I give you«
»Ten minutes«
Jude left the room and went into the street where he walked up and down A
clock struck halfpast seven and he returned Sitting in his only armchair he
saw a slim and fragile being masquerading as himself on a Sunday so pathetic in
her defencelessness that his heart felt big with the sense of it On two other
chairs before the fire were her wet garments She blushed as he sat down beside
her but only for a moment
»I suppose Jude it is odd that you should see me like this and all my
things hanging there Yet what nonsense They are only a womans clothes
sexless cloth and linen I wish I didnt feel so ill and sick Will you dry
my clothes now Please do Jude and Ill get a lodging by and by It is not
late yet«
»No you shant if you are ill You must stay here Dear dear Sue what
can I get for you«
»I dont know I cant help shivering I wish I could get warm« Jude put on
her his greatcoat in addition and then ran out to the nearest publichouse
whence he returned with a little bottle in his hand »Heres six of best
brandy« he said »Now you drink it dear all of it«
»I cant out of the bottle can I« Jude fetched the glass from the
dressingtable and administered the spirit in some water She gasped a little
but gulped it down and lay back in the armchair
She then began to relate circumstantially her experiences since they had
parted but in the middle of her story her voice faltered her head nodded and
she ceased She was in a sound sleep Jude dying of anxiety lest she should
have caught a chill which might permanently injure her was glad to hear the
regular breathing He softly went nearer to her and observed that a warm flush
now rosed her hitherto blue cheeks and felt that her hanging hand was no longer
cold Then he stood with his back to the fire regarding her and saw in her
almost a divinity
4
Judes reverie was interrupted by the creak of footsteps ascending the stairs
He whisked Sues clothing from the chair where it was drying thrust it
under the bed and sat down to his book Somebody knocked and opened the door
immediately It was the landlady
»O I didnt know whether you was in or not Mr Fawley I wanted to know if
you would require supper I see youve a young gentleman «
»Yes maam But I think I wont come down tonight Will you bring supper up
on a tray and Ill have a cup of tea as well«
It was Judes custom to go downstairs to the kitchen and eat his meals with
the family to save trouble His landlady brought up the supper however on
this occasion and he took it from her at the door
When she had descended he set the teapot on the hob and drew out Sues
clothes anew but they were far from dry A thick woollen gown he found held a
deal of water So he hung them up again and enlarged his fire and mused as the
steam from the garments went up the chimney
Suddenly she said »Jude«
»Yes All right How do you feel now«
»Better Quite well Why I fell asleep didnt I What time is it Not late
surely«
»It is past ten«
»Is it really What shall I do« she said starting up
»Stay where you are«
»Yes thats what I want to do But I dont know what they would say And
what will you do«
»I am going to sit here by the fire all night and read Tomorrow is
Sunday and I havent to go out anywhere Perhaps you will be saved a severe
illness by resting there Dont be frightened Im all right Look here what I
have got for you Some supper«
When she had sat upright she breathed plaintively and said »I do feel
rather weak still I thought I was well and I ought not to be here ought I«
But the supper fortified her somewhat and when she had had some tea and had
lain back again she was bright and cheerful
The tea must have been green or too long drawn for she seemed
preternaturally wakeful afterwards though Jude who had not taken any began to
feel heavy till her conversation fixed his attention
»You called me a creature of civilization or something didnt you« she
said breaking a silence »It was very odd you should have done that«
»Why«
»Well because it is provokingly wrong I am a sort of negation of it«
»You are very philosophical A negation is profound talking«
»Is it Do I strike you as being learned« she asked with a touch of
raillery
»No not learned Only you dont talk quite like a girl well a girl who
has had no advantages«
»I have had advantages I dont know Latin and Greek though I know the
grammars of those tongues But I know most of the Greek and Latin classics
through translations and other books too I read Lemprière Catullus Martial
Juvenal Lucian Beaumont and Fletcher Boccaccio Scarron De Brantôme Sterne
De Foe Smollett Fielding Shakespeare the Bible and other such and found
that all interest in the unwholesome part of those books ended with its
mystery«
»You have read more than I« he said with a sigh »How came you to read some
of those queerer ones«
»Well« she said thoughtfully »it was by accident My life has been
entirely shaped by what people call a peculiarity in me I have no fear of men
as such nor of their books I have mixed with them one or two of them
particularly almost as one of their own sex I mean I have not felt about them
as most women are taught to feel to be on their guard against attacks on their
virtue for no average man no man short of a sensual savage will molest a
woman by day or night at home or abroad unless she invites him Until she says
by a look Come on he is always afraid to and if you never say it or look it
he never comes However what I was going to say is that when I was eighteen I
formed a friendly intimacy with an undergraduate at Christminster and he taught
me a great deal and lent me books which I should never have got hold of
otherwise«
»Is your friendship broken off«
»O yes He died poor fellow two or three years after he had taken his
degree and left Christminster«
»You saw a good deal of him I suppose«
»Yes We used to go about together on walking tours reading tours and
things of that sort like two men almost He asked me to live with him and I
agreed to by letter But when I joined him in London I found he meant a
different thing from what I meant He wanted me to be his mistress in fact but
I wasnt in love with him and on my saying I should go away if he didnt agree
to my plan he did so We shared a sittingroom for fifteen months and he
became a leaderwriter for one of the great London dailies till he was taken
ill and had to go abroad He said I was breaking his heart by holding out
against him so long at such close quarters he could never have believed it of
woman I might play that game once too often he said He came home merely to
die His death caused a terrible remorse in me for my cruelty though I hope he
died of consumption and not of me entirely I went down to Sandbourne to his
funeral and was his only mourner He left me a little money because I broke
his heart I suppose Thats how men are so much better than women«
»Good heavens what did you do then«
»Ah now you are angry with me« she said a contralto note of tragedy
coming suddenly into her silvery voice »I wouldnt have told you if I had
known«
»No I am not Tell me all«
»Well I invested his money poor fellow in a bubble scheme and lost it I
lived about London by myself for some time and then I returned to
Christminster as my father who was also in London and had started as an art
metalworker near LongAcre wouldnt have me back and I got that occupation
in the artistshop where you found me I said you didnt know how bad I was«
Jude looked round upon the armchair and its occupant as if to read more
carefully the creature he had given shelter to His voice trembled as he said
»However you have lived Sue I believe you are as innocent as you are
unconventional«
»I am not particularly innocent as you see now that I have
twitched the robe
From that blank layfigure your fancy draped«
said she with an ostensible sneer though he could hear that she was brimming
with tears »But I have never yielded myself to any lover if thats what you
mean I have remained as I began«
»I quite believe you But some women would not have remained as they began«
»Perhaps not Better women would not People say I must be coldnatured
sexless on account of it But I wont have it Some of the most passionately
erotic poets have been the most selfcontained in their daily lives«
»Have you told Mr Phillotson about this Universityscholarfriend«
»Yes long ago I have never made any secret of it to anybody«
»What did he say«
»He did not pass any criticism only said I was everything to him whatever
I did and things like that«
Jude felt much depressed she seemed to get further and further away from
him with her strange ways and curious unconsciousness of gender
»Arent you really vexed with me dear Jude« she suddenly asked in a voice
of such extraordinary tenderness that it hardly seemed to come from the same
woman who had just told her story so lightly »I would rather offend anybody in
the world than you I think«
»I dont know whether I am vexed or not I know I care very much about you
I care as much for you as for anybody I ever met«
»You dont care more There I ought not to say that Dont answer it«
There was another long silence He felt that she was treating him cruelly
though he could not quite say in what way Her very helplessness seemed to make
her so much stronger than he
»I am awfully ignorant on general matters although I have worked so hard«
he said to turn the subject »I am absorbed in Theology you know And what do
you think I should be doing just about now if you werent here I should be
saying my evening prayers I suppose you wouldnt like «
»O no no« she answered »I would rather not if you dont mind I should
seem so such a hypocrite«
»I thought you wouldnt join so I didnt propose it You must remember that
I hope to be a useful minister some day«
»To be ordained I think you said«
»Yes«
»Then you havent given up the idea I thought that perhaps you had by
this time«
»Of course not I fondly thought at first that you felt as I do about that
as you were so mixed up in Christminster Anglicanism And Mr Phillotson «
»I have no respect for Christminster whatever except in a qualified
degree on its intellectual side« said Sue Bridehead earnestly »My friend I
spoke of took that out of me He was the most irreligious man I ever knew and
the most moral And intellect at Christminster is new wine in old bottles The
mediævalism of Christminster must go be sloughed off or Christminster itself
will have to go To be sure at times one couldnt help having a sneaking liking
for the traditions of the old faith as preserved by a section of the thinkers
there in touching and simple sincerity but when I was in my saddest rightest
mind I always felt
O ghastly glories of saints dead limbs of gibbeted Gods«
»Sue you are not a good friend of mine to talk like that«
»Then I wont dear Jude« The emotional throat had come back and she
turned her face away
»I still think Christminster has much that is glorious though I was
resentful because I couldnt get there« He spoke gently and resisted his
impulse to pique her on to tears
»It is an ignorant place except as to the townspeople artizans drunkards
and paupers« she said perverse still at his differing from her They see life
as it is of course but few of the people in the colleges do You prove it in
your own person You are one of the very men Christminster was intended for when
the colleges were founded a man with a passion for learning but no money or
opportunities or friends But you were elbowed off the pavement by the
millionaires sons«
»Well I can do without what it confers I care for something higher«
»And I for something broader truer« she insisted »At present intellect in
Christminster is pushing one way and religion the other and so they stand
stockstill like two rams butting each other«
»What would Mr Phillotson «
»It is a place full of fetichists and ghostseers«
He noticed that whenever he tried to speak of the schoolmaster she turned
the conversation to some generalizations about the offending University Jude
was extremely morbidly curious about her life as Phillotsons protégée and
betrothed yet she would not enlighten him
»Well thats just what I am too« he said »I am fearful of life
spectreseeing always«
»But you are good and dear« she murmured
His heart bumped and he made no reply
»You are in the Tractarian stage just now are you not« she added putting
on flippancy to hide real feeling a common trick with her »Let me see when
was I there In the year eighteen hundred and «
»Theres a sarcasm in that which is rather unpleasant to me Sue Now will
you do what I want you to At this time I read a chapter and then say prayers
as I told you Now will you concentrate your attention on any book of these you
like and sit with your back to me and leave me to my custom You are sure you
wont join me«
»Ill look at you«
»No Dont tease Sue«
»Very well Ill do just as you bid me and I wont vex you Jude« she
replied in the tone of a child who was going to be good for ever after turning
her back upon him accordingly A small Bible other than the one he was using lay
near her and during his retreat she took it up and turned over the leaves
»Jude« she said brightly when he had finished and come back to her »will
you let me make you a new New Testament like the one I made for myself at
Christminster«
»O yes How was that made«
»I altered my old one by cutting up all the Epistles and Gospels into
separate brochures and rearranging them in chronological order as written
beginning the book with Thessalonians following on with the Epistles and
putting the Gospels much further on Then I had the volume rebound My
University friend Mr but never mind his name poor boy said it was an
excellent idea I know that reading it afterwards made it twice as interesting
as before and twice as understandable«
»Hm« said Jude with a sense of sacrilege
»And what a literary enormity this is« she said as she glanced into the
pages of Solomons Song »I mean the synopsis at the head of each chapter
explaining away the real nature of that rhapsody You neednt be alarmed nobody
claims inspiration for the chapter headings Indeed many divines treat them
with contempt It seems the drollest thing to think of the fourandtwenty
elders or bishops or whatever number they were sitting with long faces and
writing down such stuff«
Jude looked pained »You are quite Voltairean« he murmured
»Indeed Then I wont say any more except that people have no right to
falsify the Bible I hate such humbug as could attempt to plaster over with
ecclesiastical abstractions such ecstatic natural human love as lies in that
great and passionate song« Her speech had grown spirited and almost petulant
at his rebuke and her eyes moist »I wish I had a friend here to support me
but nobody is ever on my side«
»But my dear Sue my very dear Sue I am not against you« he said taking
her hand and surprised at her introducing personal feeling into mere argument
»Yes you are yes you are« she cried turning away her face that he might
not see her brimming eyes »You are on the side of the people in the Training
School at least you seem almost to be What I insist on is that to explain
such verses as this Whither is thy beloved gone O thou fairest among women by
the note The Church professeth her faith is supremely ridiculous«
»Well then let it be You make such a personal matter of everything I am
only too inclined just now to apply the words profanely You know you are
fairest among women to me come to that«
»But you are not to say it now« Sue replied her voice changing to its
softest note of severity Then their eyes met and they shook hands like cronies
in a tavern and Jude saw the absurdity of quarrelling on such a hypothetical
subject and she the silliness of crying about what was written in an old book
like the Bible
»I wont disturb your convictions I really wont« she went on soothingly
for now he was rather more ruffled than she »But I did want and long to ennoble
some man to high aims and when I saw you and knew you wanted to be my comrade
I shall I confess it thought that man might be you But you take so much
tradition on trust that I dont know what to say«
»Well dear I suppose one must take some things on trust Life isnt long
enough to work out everything in Euclid problems before you believe it I take
Christianity«
»Well perhaps you might take something worse«
»Indeed I might Perhaps I have done so« He thought of Arabella
»I wont ask what because we are going to be very nice with each other
arent we and never never vex each other any more« She looked up trustfully
and her voice seemed trying to nestle in his breast
»I shall always care for you« said Jude
»And I for you Because you are singlehearted and forgiving to your faulty
and tiresome little Sue«
He looked away for that epicene tenderness of hers was too harrowing Was
it that which had broken the heart of the poor leaderwriter and was he to be
the next one But Sue was so dear If he could only get over the sense of
her sex as she seemed to be able to do so easily of his what a comrade she
would make for their difference of opinion on conjectural subjects only drew
them closer together on matters of daily human experience She was nearer to him
than any other woman he had ever met and he could scarcely believe that time
creed or absence would ever divide him from her
But his grief at her incredulities returned They sat on till she fell
asleep again and he nodded in his chair likewise Whenever he aroused himself
he turned her things and made up the fire anew About six oclock he awoke
completely and lighting a candle found that her clothes were dry Her chair
being a far more comfortable one than his she still slept on inside his
greatcoat looking warm as a new bun and boyish as a Ganymedes Placing the
garments by her and touching her on the shoulder he went downstairs and washed
himself by starlight in the yard
5
When he returned she was dressed as usual
»Now could I get out without anybody seeing me she asked The town is not
yet astir«
»But you have had no breakfast«
»O I dont want any I fear I ought not to have run away from that school
Things seem so different in the cold light of morning dont they What Mr
Phillotson will say I dont know It was quite by his wish that I went there He
is the only man in the world for whom I have any respect or fear I hope hell
forgive me but hell scold me dreadfully I expect«
»Ill go to him and explain « began Jude
»O no you shant I dont care for him He may think what he likes I
shall do just as I choose«
»But you just this moment said «
»Well if I did I shall do as I like for all him I have thought of what I
shall do go to the sister of one of my fellowstudents in the Training School
who has asked me to visit her She has a school near Shaston about eighteen
miles from here and I shall stay there till this has blown over and I get
back to the Training School again«
At the last moment he persuaded her to let him make her a cup of coffee in
a portable apparatus he kept in his room for use on rising to go to his work
every day before the household was astir
»Now a dewbit to eat with it« he said »and off we go You can have a
regular breakfast when you get there«
They went quietly out of the house Jude accompanying her to the station As
they departed along the street a head was thrust out of an upper window of his
lodging and quickly withdrawn Sue still seemed sorry for her rashness and to
wish she had not rebelled telling him at parting that she would let him know as
soon as she got readmitted to the Training School They stood rather miserably
together on the platform and it was apparent that he wanted to say more
»I want to tell you something two things« he said hurriedly as the train
came up »One is a warm one the other a cold one«
»Jude« she said »I know one of them And you mustnt«
»What«
»You mustnt love me You are to like me thats all«
Judes face became so full of complicated glooms that hers was agitated in
sympathy as she bade him adieu through the carriage window And then the train
moved on and waving her pretty hand to him she vanished away
Melchester was a dismal place enough for Jude that Sunday of her departure and
the Close so hateful that he did not go once to the Cathedral services The next
morning there came a letter from her which with her usual promptitude she had
written directly she had reached her friends house She told him of her safe
arrival and comfortable quarters and then added
»What I really write about dear Jude is something I said to you at
parting You had been so very good and kind to me that when you were out
of sight I felt what a cruel and ungrateful woman I was to say it and
it has reproached me ever since If you want to love me Jude you may
I dont mind at all and Ill never say again that you mustnt
Now I wont write any more about that You do forgive your
thoughtless friend for her cruelty and wont make her miserable by
saying you dont Ever
SUE«
It would be superfluous to say what his answer was and how he thought what he
would have done had he been free which should have rendered a long residence
with a female friend quite unnecessary for Sue He felt he might have been
pretty sure of his own victory if it had come to a conflict between Phillotson
and himself for the possession of her
Yet Jude was in danger of attaching more meaning to Sues impulsive note
than it really was intended to bear
After the lapse of a few days he found himself hoping that she would write
again But he received no further communication and in the intensity of his
solicitude he sent another note suggesting that he should pay her a visit some
Sunday the distance being under eighteen miles
He expected a reply on the second morning after despatching his missive but
none came The third morning arrived the postman did not stop This was
Saturday and in a feverish state of anxiety about her he sent off three brief
lines stating that he was coming the following day for he felt sure something
had happened
His first and natural thought had been that she was ill from her immersion
but it soon occurred to him that somebody would have written for her in such a
case Conjectures were put an end to by his arrival at the village schoolhouse
near Shaston on the bright morning of Sunday between eleven and twelve oclock
when the parish was as vacant as a desert most of the inhabitants having
gathered inside the church whence their voices could occasionally be heard in
unison
A little girl opened the door »Miss Bridehead is upstairs« she said »And
will you please walk up to her«
»Is she ill« asked Jude hastily
»Only a little not very«
Jude entered and ascended On reaching the landing a voice told him which
way to turn the voice of Sue calling his name He passed the doorway and
found her lying in a little bed in a room a dozen feet square
»O Sue« he cried sitting down beside her and taking her hand »How is
this You couldnt write«
»No it wasnt that« she answered »I did catch a bad cold but I could
have written Only I wouldnt«
»Why not frightening me like this«
»Yes that was what I was afraid of But I had decided not to write to you
any more They wont have me back at the school thats why I couldnt write
Not the fact but the reason«
»Well«
»They not only wont have me but they gave me a parting piece of advice «
»What«
She did not answer directly »I vowed I never would tell you Jude it is
so vulgar and distressing«
»Is it about us«
»Yes«
»But do tell me«
»Well somebody has sent them baseless reports about us and they say you
and I ought to marry as soon as possible for the sake of my reputation
There now I have told you and I wish I hadnt«
»O poor Sue«
»I dont think of you like that means It did just occur to me to regard you
in the way they think I do but I hadnt begun to I have recognized that the
cousinship was merely nominal since we met as total strangers But my marrying
you dear Jude why of course if I had reckoned upon marrying you I shouldnt
have come to you so often And I never supposed you thought of such a thing as
marrying me till the other evening when I began to fancy you did love me a
little Perhaps I ought not to have been so intimate with you It is all my
fault Everything is my fault always«
The speech seemed a little forced and unreal and they regarded each other
with a mutual distress
»I was so blind at first« she went on »I didnt see what you felt at all
O you have been unkind to me you have to look upon me as a sweetheart
without saying a word and leaving me to discover it myself Your attitude to me
has become known and naturally they think weve been doing wrong Ill never
trust you again«
»Yes Sue« he said simply »I am to blame more than you think I was
quite aware that you did not suspect till within the last meeting or two what I
was feeling about you I admit that our meeting as strangers prevented a sense
of relationship and that it was a sort of subterfuge to avail myself of it But
dont you think I deserve a little consideration for concealing my wrong very
wrong sentiments since I couldnt help having them«
She turned her eyes doubtfully towards him and then looked away as if
afraid she might forgive him
By every law of nature and sex a kiss was the only rejoinder that fitted the
mood and the moment under the suasion of which Sues undemonstrative regard of
him might not inconceivably have changed its temperature Some men would have
cast scruples to the winds and ventured it oblivious both of Sues declaration
of her neutral feelings and of the pair of autographs in the vestry chest of
Arabellas parish church Jude did not He had in fact come in part to tell
his own fatal story It was upon his lips yet at the hour of this distress he
could not disclose it He preferred to dwell upon the recognized barriers
between them
»Of course I know you dont care about me in any particular way« he
sorrowed »You ought not and you are right You belong to Mr Phillotson I
suppose he has been to see you«
»Yes« she said shortly her face changing a little »Though I didnt ask
him to come You are glad of course that he has been But I shouldnt care if
he didnt come any more«
It was very perplexing to her lover that she should be piqued at his honest
acquiescence in his rival if Judes feelings of love were deprecated by her He
went on to something else
»This will blow over dear Sue« he said »The Training School authorities
are not all the world You can get to be a student in some other no doubt«
»Ill ask Mr Phillotson« she said decisively
Sues kind hostess now returned from church and there was no more intimate
conversation Jude left in the afternoon hopelessly unhappy But he had seen
her and sat with her Such intercourse as that would have to content him for
the remainder of his life The lesson of renunciation it was necessary and
proper that he as a parish priest should learn
But the next morning when he awoke he felt rather vexed with her and
decided that she was rather unreasonable not to say capricious Then in
illustration of what he had begun to discern as one of her redeeming
characteristics there came promptly a note which she must have written almost
immediately he had gone from her
»Forgive me for my petulance yesterday I was horrid to you I know it
and I feel perfectly miserable at my horridness It was so dear of you
not to be angry Jude please still keep me as your friend and
associate with all my faults Ill try not to be like it again
I am coming to Melchester on Saturday to get my things away from
the TS ampc I could walk with you for halfanhour if you would
like Your repentant SUE«
Jude forgave her straightway and asked her to call for him at the Cathedral
works when she came
6
Meanwhile a middleaged man was dreaming a dream of great beauty concerning the
writer of the above letter He was Richard Phillotson who had recently removed
from the mixed village school at Lumsdon near Christminster to undertake a
large boys school in his native town of Shaston which stood on a hill sixty
miles to the southwest as the crow flies
A glance at the place and its accessories was almost enough to reveal that
the schoolmasters plans and dreams so long indulged in had been abandoned for
some new dream with which neither the Church nor literature had much in common
Essentially an unpractical man he was now bent on making and saving money for a
practical purpose that of keeping a wife who if she chose might conduct one
of the girls schools adjoining his own for which purpose he had advised her to
go into training since she would not marry him offhand
About the time that Jude was removing from Marygreen to Melchester and
entering on adventures at the latter place with Sue the schoolmaster was
settling down in the new schoolhouse at Shaston All the furniture being fixed
the books shelved and the nails driven he had begun to sit in his parlour
during the dark winter nights and reattempt some of his old studies one
branch of which had included RomanBritannic antiquities an unremunerative
labour for a National schoolmaster but a subject that after his abandonment of
the University scheme had interested him as being a comparatively unworked
mine practicable to those who like himself had lived in lonely spots where
these remains were abundant and were seen to compel inferences in startling
contrast to accepted views on the civilization of that time
A resumption of this investigation was the outward and apparent hobby of
Phillotson at present his ostensible reason for going alone into fields where
causeways dykes and tumuli abounded or shutting himself up in his house with
a few urns tiles and mosaics he had collected instead of calling round upon
his new neighbours who for their part had showed themselves willing enough to
be friendly with him But it was not the real or the whole reason after all
Thus on a particular evening in the month when it had grown quite late to
near midnight indeed and the light of his lamp shining from his window at a
salient angle of the hilltop town over infinite miles of valley westward
announced as by words a place and person given over to study he was not exactly
studying
The interior of the room the books the furniture the schoolmasters
loose coat his attitude at the table even the flickering of the fire bespoke
the same dignified tale of undistracted research more than creditable to a man
who had had no advantages beyond those of his own making And yet the tale true
enough till latterly was not true now What he was regarding was not history
They were historic notes written in a bold womanly hand at his dictation some
months before and it was the clerical rendering of word after word that
absorbed him
He presently took from a drawer a carefully tied bundle of letters few
very few as correspondence counts nowadays Each was in its envelope just as it
had arrived and the handwriting was of the same womanly character as the
historic notes He unfolded them one by one and read them musingly At first
sight there seemed in these small documents to be absolutely nothing to muse
over They were straightforward frank letters signed Sue B just such ones as
would be written during short absences with no other thought than their speedy
destruction and chiefly concerning books in reading and other experiences of a
Training School forgotten doubtless by the writer with the passing of the day
of their inditing In one of them quite a recent note the young woman said
that she had received his considerate letter and that it was honourable and
generous of him to say he would not come to see her oftener than she desired
the school being such an awkward place for callers and because of her strong
wish that her engagement to him should not be known which it would infallibly
be if he visited her often Over these phrases the schoolmaster pored What
precise shade of satisfaction was to be gathered from a womans gratitude that
the man who loved her had not been often to see her The problem occupied him
distracted him
He opened another drawer and found therein an envelope from which he drew
a photograph of Sue as a child long before he had known her standing under
trelliswork with a little basket in her hand There was another of her as a
young woman her dark eyes and hair making a very distinct and attractive
picture of her which just disclosed too the thoughtfulness that lay behind
her lighter moods It was a duplicate of the one she had given Jude and would
have given to any man Phillotson brought it halfway to his lips but withdrew
it in doubt at her perplexing phrases ultimately kissing the dead pasteboard
with all the passionateness and more than all the devotion of a young man of
eighteen
The schoolmasters was an unhealthylooking oldfashioned face rendered
more oldfashioned by his style of shaving A certain gentlemanliness had been
imparted to it by nature suggesting an inherent wish to do rightly by all His
speech was a little slow but his tones were sincere enough to make his
hesitation no defect His greying hair was curly and radiated from a point in
the middle of his crown There were four lines across his forehead and he only
wore spectacles when reading at night It was almost certainly a renunciation
forced upon him by his academic purpose rather than a distaste for women which
had hitherto kept him from closing with one of the sex in matrimony
Such silent proceedings as those of this evening were repeated many and oft
times when he was not under the eye of the boys whose quick and penetrating
regard would frequently become almost intolerable to the selfconscious master
in his present anxious care for Sue making him in the grey hours of morning
dread to meet anew the gimlet glances lest they should read what the dream
within him was
He had honourably acquiesced in Sues announced wish that he was not often
to visit her at the Training School but at length his patience being sorely
tried he set out one Saturday afternoon to pay her an unexpected call There
the news of her departure expulsion as it might almost have been considered
was flashed upon him without warning or mitigation as he stood at the door
expecting in a few minutes to behold her face and when he turned away he could
hardly see the road before him
Sue had in fact never written a line to her suitor on the subject
although it was fourteen days old A short reflection told him that this proved
nothing a natural delicacy being as ample a reason for silence as any degree of
blameworthiness
They had informed him at the school where she was living and having no
immediate anxiety about her comfort his thoughts took the direction of a burning
indignation against the Training School Committee In his bewilderment
Phillotson entered the adjacent cathedral just now in a direly dismantled state
by reason of the repairs He sat down on a block of freestone regardless of the
dusty imprint it made on his breeches and his listless eyes following the
movements of the workmen he presently became aware that the reputed culprit
Sues lover Jude was one amongst them
Jude had never spoken to his former hero since the meeting by the model of
Jerusalem Having inadvertently witnessed Phillotsons tentative courtship of
Sue in the lane there had grown up in the younger mans mind a curious dislike
to think of the elder to meet him to communicate in any way with him and
since Phillotsons success in obtaining at least her promise had become known to
Jude he had frankly recognized that he did not wish to see or hear of his
senior any more learn anything of his pursuits or even imagine again what
excellencies might appertain to his character On this very day of the
schoolmasters visit Jude was expecting Sue as she had promised and when
therefore he saw the schoolmaster in the nave of the building saw moreover
that he was coming to speak to him he felt no little embarrassment which
Phillotsons own embarrassment prevented his observing
Jude joined him and they both withdrew from the other workmen to the spot
where Phillotson had been sitting Jude offered him a piece of sackcloth for a
cushion and told him it was dangerous to sit on the bare block
»Yes yes« said Phillotson abstractedly as he reseated himself his eyes
resting on the ground as if he were trying to remember where he was »I wont
keep you long It was merely that I have heard that you have seen my little
friend Sue recently It occurred to me to speak to you on that account I merely
want to ask about her«
»I think I know what« Jude hurriedly said »About her escaping from the
Training School and her coming to me«
»Yes«
»Well« Jude for a moment felt an unprincipled and fiendish wish to
annihilate his rival at all cost By the exercise of that treachery which love
for the same woman renders possible to men the most honourable in every other
relation of life he could send off Phillotson in agony and defeat by saying
that the scandal was true and that Sue had irretrievably committed herself with
him But his action did not respond for a moment to his animal instinct and
what he said was »I am glad of your kindness in coming to talk plainly to me
about it You know what they say that I ought to marry her«
»What«
»And I wish with all my soul I could«
Phillotson trembled and his naturally pale face acquired a corpselike
sharpness in its lines »I had no idea that it was of this nature God forbid«
»No no« said Jude aghast »I thought you understood I mean that were I in
a position to marry her or some one and settle down instead of living in
lodgings here and there I should be glad«
What he had really meant was simply that he loved her
»But since this painful matter has been opened up what really happened«
asked Phillotson with the firmness of a man who felt that a sharp smart now was
better than a long agony of suspense hereafter »Cases arise and this is one
when even ungenerous questions must be put to make false assumptions impossible
and to kill scandal«
Jude explained readily giving the whole series of adventures including the
night at the shepherds her wet arrival at his lodging her indisposition from
her immersion their vigil of discussion and his seeing her off next morning
»Well now« said Phillotson at the conclusion »I take it as your final
word and I know I can believe you that the suspicion which led to her
rustication is an absolutely baseless one«
»It is« said Jude solemnly »Absolutely So help me God«
The schoolmaster rose Each of the twain felt that the interview could not
comfortably merge in a friendly discussion of their recent experiences after
the manner of friends and when Jude had taken him round and shown him some
features of the renovation which the old cathedral was undergoing Phillotson
bade the young man goodday and went away
This visit took place about eleven oclock in the morning but no Sue
appeared When Jude went to his dinner at one he saw his beloved ahead of him in
the street leading up from the North Gate walking as if in no way looking for
him Speedily overtaking her he remarked that he had asked her to come to him at
the Cathedral and she had promised
»I have been to get my things from the College« she said an observation
which he was expected to take as an answer though it was not one Finding her
to be in this evasive mood he felt inclined to give her the information so long
withheld
»You have not seen Mr Phillotson today« he ventured to inquire
»I have not But I am not going to be crossexamined about him and if you
ask anything more I wont answer«
»It is very odd that « He stopped regarding her
»What«
»That you are often not so nice in your real presence as you are in your
letters«
»Does it really seem so to you« said she smiling with quick curiosity
»Well thats strange but I feel just the same about you Jude When you are
gone away I seem such a coldhearted «
As she knew his sentiment towards her Jude saw that they were getting upon
dangerous ground It was now he thought that he must speak as an honest man
But he did not speak and she continued »It was that which made me write
and say I didnt mind your loving me if you wanted to much«
The exultation he might have felt at what that implied or seemed to imply
was nullified by his intention and he rested rigid till he began »I have never
told you «
»Yes you have« murmured she
»I mean I have never told you my history all of it«
»But I guess it I know nearly«
Jude looked up Could she possibly know of that morning performance of his
with Arabella which in a few months had ceased to be a marriage more completely
than by death He saw that she did not
»I cant quite tell you here in the street« he went on with a gloomy
tongue »And you had better not come to my lodgings Let us go in here«
The building by which they stood was the markethouse it was the only place
available and they entered the market being over and the stalls and areas
empty He would have preferred a more congenial spot but as usually happens
in place of a romantic field or solemn aisle for his tale it was told while
they walked up and down over a floor littered with rotten cabbageleaves and
amid all the usual squalors of decayed vegetable matter and unsaleable refuse
He began and finished his brief narrative which merely led up to the
information that he had married a wife some years earlier and that his wife was
living still Almost before her countenance had time to change she hurried out
the words
»Why didnt you tell me before«
»I couldnt It seemed so cruel to tell it«
»To yourself Jude So it was better to be cruel to me«
»No dear darling« cried Jude passionately He tried to take her hand but
she withdrew it Their old relations of confidence seemed suddenly to have
ended and the antagonisms of sex to sex were left without any counterpoising
predilections She was his comrade friend unconscious sweetheart no longer
and her eyes regarded him in estranged silence
»I was ashamed of the episode in my life which brought about the marriage«
he continued »I cant explain it precisely now I could have done it if you had
taken it differently«
»But how can I« she burst out »Here I have been saying or writing that
that you might love me or something of the sort just out of charity and
all the time O it is perfectly damnable how things are« she said stamping
her foot in a nervous quiver
»You take me wrong Sue I never thought you cared for me at all till quite
lately so I felt it did not matter Do you care for me Sue you know how I
mean I dont like out of charity at all«
It was a question which in the circumstances Sue did not choose to answer
»I suppose she your wife is a very pretty woman even if shes
wicked« she asked quickly
»Shes pretty enough as far as that goes«
»Prettier than I am no doubt«
»You are not the least alike And I have never seen her for years But
shes sure to come back they always do«
»How strange of you to stay apart from her like this« said Sue her
trembling lip and lumpy throat belying her irony »You such a religious man
How will the demigods in your Pantheon I mean those legendary persons you
call Saints intercede for you after this Now if I had done such a thing it
would have been different and not remarkable for I at least dont regard
marriage as a Sacrament Your theories are not so advanced as your practice«
»Sue you are terribly cutting when you like to be a perfect Voltaire But
you must treat me as you will«
When she saw how wretched he was she softened and trying to blink away her
sympathetic tears said with all the winning reproachfulness of a hearthurt
woman »Ah you should have told me before you gave me that idea that you
wanted to be allowed to love me I had no feeling before that moment at the
railwaystation except « For once Sue was as miserable as he in her attempts
to keep herself free from emotion and her less than halfsuccess
»Dont cry dear« he implored
»I am not crying because I meant to love you but because of your want
of confidence«
They were quite screened from the Marketsquare without and he could not
help putting out his arm towards her waist His momentary desire was the means
of her rallying »No no« she said drawing back stringently and wiping her
eyes »Of course not It would be hypocrisy to pretend that it would be meant as
from my cousin and it cant be in any other way«
They moved on a dozen paces and she showed herself recovered It was
distracting to Jude and his heart would have ached less had she appeared anyhow
but as she did appear essentially largeminded and generous on reflection
despite a previous exercise of those narrow womanly humours on impulse that were
necessary to give her sex
»I dont blame you for what you couldnt help« she said smiling »How
should I be so foolish I do blame you a little bit for not telling me before
But after all it doesnt matter We should have had to keep apart you see even
if this had not been in your life«
»No we shouldnt Sue This is the only obstacle«
»You forget that I must have loved you and wanted to be your wife even if
there had been no obstacle« said Sue with a gentle seriousness which did not
reveal her mind »And then we are cousins and it is bad for cousins to marry
And I am engaged to somebody else As to our going on together as we were
going in a sort of friendly way the people round us would have made it unable
to continue Their views of the relations of man and woman are limited as is
proved by their expelling me from the school Their philosophy only recognizes
relations based on animal desire The wide field of strong attachment where
desire plays at least only a secondary part is ignored by them the part of
who is it Venus Urania«
Her being able to talk learnedly showed that she was mistress of herself
again and before they parted she had almost regained her vivacious glance her
reciprocity of tone her gay manner and her secondthought attitude of critical
largeness towards others of her age and sex
He could speak more freely now »There were several reasons against my
telling you rashly One was what I have said another that it was always
impressed upon me that I ought not to marry that I belonged to an odd and
peculiar family the wrong breed for marriage«
»Ah who used to say that to you«
»My greataunt She said it always ended badly with us Fawleys«
»Thats strange My father used to say the same to me«
They stood possessed by the same thought ugly enough even as an
assumption that a union between them had such been possible would have meant
a terrible intensification of unfitness two bitters in one dish
»O but there cant be anything in it« she said with nervous lightness »Our
family have been unlucky of late years in choosing mates thats all«
And then they pretended to persuade themselves that all that had happened
was of no consequence and that they could still be cousins and friends and warm
correspondents and have happy genial times when they met even if they met less
frequently than before Their parting was in good friendship and yet Judes
last look into her eyes was tinged with inquiry for he felt that he did not
even now quite know her mind
7
Tidings from Sue a day or two after passed across Jude like a withering blast
Before reading the letter he was led to suspect that its contents were of a
somewhat serious kind by catching sight of the signature which was in her full
name never used in her correspondence with him since her first note
»My dear Jude I have something to tell you which perhaps you will not
be surprised to hear though certainly it may strike you as being
accelerated as the railway companies say of their trains Mr
Phillotson and I are to be married quite soon in three or four weeks
We had intended as you know to wait till I had gone through my course
of training and obtained my certificate so as to assist him if
necessary in the teaching But he generously says he does not see any
object in waiting now I am not at the Training School It is so good of
him because the awkwardness of my situation has really come about by my
fault in getting expelled
Wish me joy Remember I say you are to and you mustnt refuse
Your affectionate cousin
SUSANNA FLORENCE MARY BRIDEHEAD«
Jude staggered under the news could eat no breakfast and kept on drinking tea
because his mouth was so dry Then presently he went back to his work and
laughed the usual bitter laugh of a man so confronted Everything seemed turning
to satire And yet what could the poor girl do he asked himself and felt
worse than shedding tears
»O Susanna Florence Mary« he said as he worked »You dont know what
marriage means«
Could it be possible that his announcement of his own marriage had pricked
her on to this just as his visit to her when in liquor may have pricked her on
to her engagement To be sure there seemed to exist these other and sufficient
reasons practical and social for her decision but Sue was not a very
practical or calculating person and he was compelled to think that a pique at
having his secret sprung upon her had moved her to give way to Phillotsons
probable representations that the best course to prove how unfounded were the
suspicions of the school authorities would be to marry him offhand as in
fulfilment of an ordinary engagement Sue had in fact been placed in an
awkward corner Poor Sue
He determined to play the Spartan to make the best of it and support her
but he could not write the requested good wishes for a day or two Meanwhile
there came another note from his impatient little dear
»Jude will you give me away I have nobody else who could do it so
conveniently as you being the only married relation I have here on the
spot even if my father were friendly enough to be willing which he
isnt I hope you wont think it a trouble I have been looking at the
marriage service in the Prayerbook and it seems to me very humiliating
that a giveraway should be required at all According to the ceremony
as there printed my bridegroom chooses me of his own will and pleasure
but I dont choose him Somebody gives me to him like a sheass or
shegoat or any other domestic animal Bless your exalted views of
woman O Churchman But I forget I am no longer privileged to tease
you Ever
SUSANNA FLORENCE MARY BRIDEHEAD«
Jude screwed himself up to heroic key and replied
»My dear Sue Of course I wish you joy And also of course I will give
you away What I suggest is that as you have no house of your own you
do not marry from your school friends but from mine It would be more
proper I think since I am as you say the person nearest related to
you in this part of the world
I dont see why you sign your letter in such a new and terribly
formal way Surely you care a bit about me still Ever your
affectionate
JUDE«
What had jarred on him even more than the signature was a little sting he had
been silent on the phrase married relation What an idiot it made him seem as
her lover If Sue had written that in satire he could hardly forgive her if in
suffering ah that was another thing
His offer of his lodging must have commended itself to Phillotson at any
rate for the schoolmaster sent him a line of warm thanks accepting the
convenience Sue also thanked him Jude immediately moved into more commodious
quarters as much to escape the espionage of the suspicious landlady who had
been one cause of Sues unpleasant experience as for the sake of room
Then Sue wrote to tell him the day fixed for the wedding and Jude decided
after inquiry that she should come into residence on the following Saturday
which would allow of a ten days stay in the city prior to the ceremony
sufficiently representing a nominal residence of fifteen
She arrived by the ten oclock train on the day aforesaid Jude not going to
meet her at the station by her special request that he should not lose a
mornings work and pay she said if this were her true reason But so well by
this time did he know Sue that the remembrance of their mutual sensitiveness at
emotional crises might he thought have weighed with her in this When he came
home to dinner she had taken possession of her apartment
She lived in the same house with him but on a different floor and they saw
each other little an occasional supper being the only meal they took together
when Sues manner was something that of a scared child What she felt he did not
know their conversation was mechanical though she did not look pale or ill
Phillotson came frequently but mostly when Jude was absent On the morning of
the wedding when Jude had given himself a holiday Sue and her cousin had
breakfast together for the first and last time during this curious interval in
his room the parlour which he had hired for the period of Sues residence
Seeing as women do how helpless he was in making the place comfortable she
bustled about
»Whats the matter Jude« she said suddenly
He was leaning with his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands
looking into a futurity which seemed to be sketched out on the tablecloth
»O nothing«
»You are father you know Thats what they call the man who gives you
away«
Jude could have said »Phillotsons age entitles him to be called that« But
he would not annoy her by such a cheap retort
She talked incessantly as if she dreaded his indulgence in reflection and
before the meal was over both he and she wished they had not put such confidence
in their new view of things and had taken breakfast apart What oppressed Jude
was the thought that having done a wrong thing of this sort himself he was
aiding and abetting the woman he loved in doing a like wrong thing instead of
imploring and warning her against it It was on his tongue to say »You have
quite made up your mind«
After breakfast they went out on an errand together moved by a mutual
thought that it was the last opportunity they would have of indulging in
unceremonious companionship By the irony of fate and the curious trick in
Sues nature of tempting Providence at critical times she took his arm as they
walked through the muddy street a thing she had never done before in her life
and on turning the corner they found themselves close to a grey Perpendicular
church with a lowpitched roof the church of St Thomas
»Thats the church« said Jude
»Where I am going to be married«
»Yes«
»Indeed« she exclaimed with curiosity »How I should like to go in and see
what the spot is like where I am so soon to kneel and do it«
Again he said to himself »She does not realize what marriage means«
He passively acquiesced in her wish to go in and they entered by the
western door The only person inside the gloomy building was a charwoman
cleaning Sue still held Judes arm almost as if she loved him Cruelly sweet
indeed she had been to him that morning but his thoughts of a penance in store
for her were tempered by an ache
«I can find no way
How a blow should fall such as falls on men
Nor prove too much for your womanhood«
They strolled undemonstratively up the nave towards the altar railing which
they stood against in silence turning then and walking down the nave again her
hand still on his arm precisely like a couple just married The too suggestive
incident entirely of her making nearly broke down Jude
»I like to do things like this« she said in the delicate voice of an
epicure in emotions which left no doubt that she spoke the truth
»I know you do« said Jude
»They are interesting because they have probably never been done before I
shall walk down the church like this with my husband in about two hours shant
I«
»No doubt you will«
»Was it like this when you were married«
»Good God Sue dont be so awfully merciless There dear one I didnt
mean it«
»Ah you are vexed« she said regretfully as she blinked away an access of
eye moisture »And I promised never to vex you I suppose I ought not to have
asked you to bring me in here O I oughtnt I see it now My curiosity to hunt
up a new sensation always leads me into these scrapes Forgive me You will
wont you Jude«
The appeal was so remorseful that Judes eyes were even wetter than hers as
he pressed her hand for Yes
»Now well hurry away and I wont do it any more« she continued humbly
and they came out of the building Sue intending to go on to the station to meet
Phillotson But the first person they encountered on entering the main street
was the schoolmaster himself whose train had arrived sooner than Sue expected
There was nothing really to demur to in her leaning on Judes arm but she
withdrew her hand and Jude thought that Phillotson had looked surprised
»We have been doing such a funny thing« said she smiling candidly »Weve
been to the church rehearsing as it were Havent we Jude«
»How« said Phillotson curiously
Jude inwardly deplored what he thought to be unnecessary frankness but she
had gone too far not to explain all which she accordingly did telling him how
they had marched up to the altar
Seeing how puzzled Phillotson seemed Jude said as cheerfully as he could
»I am going to buy her another little present Will you both come to the shop
with me«
»No« said Sue »Ill go on to the house with him« and requesting her lover
not to be a long time she departed with the schoolmaster
Jude soon joined them at his rooms and shortly after they prepared for the
ceremony Phillotsons hair was brushed to a painful extent and his shirt
collar appeared stiffer than it had been for the previous twenty years Beyond
this he looked dignified and thoughtful and altogether a man of whom it was not
unsafe to predict that he would make a kind and considerate husband That he
adored Sue was obvious and she could almost be seen to feel that she was
undeserving his adoration
Although the distance was so short he had hired a fly from the Red Lion and
six or seven women and children had gathered by the door when they came out The
schoolmaster and Sue were unknown though Jude was getting to be recognized as a
citizen and the couple were judged to be some relations of his from a distance
nobody supposing Sue to have been a recent pupil at the Training School
In the carriage Jude took from his pocket his extra little weddingpresent
which turned out to be two or three yards of white tulle which he threw over
her bonnet and all as a veil
»It looks so odd over a bonnet« she said »Ill take the bonnet off«
»O no let it stay« said Phillotson And she obeyed
When they had passed up the church and were standing in their places Jude
found that the antecedent visit had certainly taken off the edge of this
performance but by the time they were half way on with the service he wished
from his heart that he had not undertaken the business of giving her away How
could Sue have had the temerity to ask him to do it a cruelty possibly to
herself as well as to him Women were different from men in such matters Was it
that they were instead of more sensitive as reputed more callous and less
romantic or were they more heroic Or was Sue simply so perverse that she
wilfully gave herself and him pain for the odd and mournful luxury of practising
longsuffering in her own person and of being touched with tender pity for him
at having made him practise it He could perceive that her face was nervously
set and when they reached the trying ordeal of Jude giving her to Phillotson
she could hardly command herself rather however as it seemed from her
knowledge of what her cousin must feel whom she need not have had there at all
than from selfconsideration Possibly she would go on inflicting such pains
again and again and grieving for the sufferer again and again in all her
colossal inconsistency
Phillotson seemed not to notice to be surrounded by a mist which prevented
his seeing the emotions of others As soon as they had signed their names and
come away and the suspense was over Jude felt relieved
The meal at his lodging was a very simple affair and at two oclock they
went off In crossing the pavement to the fly she looked back and there was a
frightened light in her eyes Could it be that Sue had acted with such unusual
foolishness as to plunge into she knew not what for the sake of asserting her
independence of him of retaliating on him for his secrecy Perhaps Sue was thus
venturesome with men because she was childishly ignorant of that side of their
natures which wore out womens hearts and lives
When her foot was on the carriagestep she turned round saying that she had
forgotten something Jude and the landlady offered to get it
»No« she said running back »It is my handkerchief I know where I left
it«
Jude followed her back She had found it and came holding it in her hand
She looked into his eyes with her own tearful ones and her lips suddenly parted
as if she were going to avow something But she went on and whatever she had
meant to say remained unspoken
8
Jude wondered if she had really left her handkerchief behind or whether it were
that she had miserably wished to tell him of a love that at the last moment she
could not bring herself to express
He could not stay in his silent lodging when they were gone and fearing
that he might be tempted to drown his misery in alcohol he went upstairs
changed his dark clothes for his white his thin boots for his thick and
proceeded to his customary work for the afternoon
But in the cathedral he seemed to hear a voice behind him and to be
possessed with an idea that she would come back She could not possibly go home
with Phillotson he fancied The feeling grew and stirred The moment that the
clock struck the last of his working hours he threw down his tools and rushed
homeward »Has anybody been for me« he asked
Nobody had been there
As he could claim the downstairs sittingroom till twelve oclock that night
he sat in it all the evening and even when the clock had struck eleven and the
family had retired he could not shake off the feeling that she would come back
and sleep in the little room adjoining his own in which she had slept so many
previous days Her actions were always unpredictable why should she not come
Gladly would he have compounded for the denial of her as a sweetheart and wife
by having her live thus as a fellowlodger and friend even on the most distant
terms His supper still remained spread and going to the front door and softly
setting it open he returned to the room and sat as watchers sit on
OldMidsummer eves expecting the phantom of the Beloved But she did not come
Having indulged in this wild hope he went upstairs and looked out of the
window and pictured her through the evening journey to London whither she and
Phillotson had gone for their holiday their rattling along through the damp
night to their hotel under the same sky of ribbed cloud as that he beheld
through which the moon showed its position rather than its shape and one or two
of the larger stars made themselves visible as faint nebulæ only It was a new
beginning of Sues history He projected his mind into the future and saw her
with children more or less in her own likeness around her But the consolation
of regarding them as a continuation of her identity was denied to him as to all
such dreamers by the wilfulness of Nature in not allowing issue from one parent
alone Every desired renewal of an existence is debased by being half alloy »If
at the estrangement or death of my lost love I could go and see her child
hers solely there would be comfort in it« said Jude And then he again
uneasily saw as he had latterly seen with more and more frequency the scorn of
Nature for mans finer emotions and her lack of interest in his aspirations
The oppressive strength of his affection for Sue showed itself on the morrow
and following days yet more clearly He could no longer endure the light of the
Melchester lamps the sunshine was as drab paint and the blue sky as zinc Then
he received news that his old aunt was dangerously ill at Marygreen which
intelligence almost coincided with a letter from his former employer at
Christminster who offered him permanent work of a good class if he would come
back The letters were almost a relief to him He started to visit Aunt
Drusilla and resolved to go onward to Christminster to see what worth there
might be in the builders offer
Jude found his aunt even worse than the communication from the Widow Edlin
had led him to expect There was every possibility of her lingering on for weeks
or months though little likelihood He wrote to Sue informing her of the state
of her aunt and suggesting that she might like to see her aged relative alive
He would meet her at Alfredston Road the following evening Monday on his way
back from Christminster if she could come by the uptrain which crossed his
downtrain at that station Next morning accordingly he went on to
Christminster intending to return to Alfredston soon enough to keep the
suggested appointment with Sue
The City of learning wore an estranged look and he had lost all feeling for
its associations Yet as the sun made vivid lights and shades of the mullioned
architecture of the façades and drew patterns of the crinkled battlements on
the young turf of the quadrangles Jude thought he had never seen the place look
more beautiful He came to the street in which he had first beheld Sue The
chair she had occupied when leaning over her ecclesiastical scrolls a hoghair
brush in her hand her girlish figure had arrested the gaze of his inquiring
eyes stood precisely in its former spot empty It was as if she were dead and
nobody had been found capable of succeeding her in that artistic pursuit Hers
was now the City phantom while those of the intellectual and devotional
worthies who had once moved him to emotion were no longer able to assert their
presence there
However here he was and in fulfilment of his intention he went on to his
former lodging in Beersheba near the ritualistic church of St Silas The old
landlady who opened the door seemed glad to see him again and bringing some
lunch informed him that the builder who had employed him had called to inquire
his address
Jude went on to the stoneyard where he had worked But the old sheds and
bankers were distasteful to him he felt it impossible to engage himself to
return and stay in this place of vanished dreams He longed for the hour of the
homeward train to Alfredston where he might probably meet Sue
Then for one ghastly halfhour of depression caused by these scenes there
returned upon him that feeling which had been his undoing more than once that
he was not worth the trouble of being taken care of either by himself or others
and during this halfhour he met Tinker Taylor the bankrupt ecclesiastical
ironmonger at Fourways who proposed that they should adjourn to a bar and
drink together They walked along the street till they stood before one of the
great palpitating centres of Christminster life the inn wherein he formerly had
responded to the challenge to rehearse the Creed in Latin now a popular tavern
with a spacious and inviting entrance which gave admittance to a bar that had
been entirely renovated and refitted in modern style since Judes residence
here
Tinker Taylor drank off his glass and departed saying it was too stylish a
place now for him to feel at home in unless he was drunker than he had money to
be just then Jude was longer finishing his and stood abstractedly silent in
the for the minute almost empty place The bar had been gutted and newly
arranged throughout mahogany fixtures having taken the place of the old painted
ones while at the back of the standingspace there were stuffed sofabenches
The room was divided into compartments in the approved manner between which
were screens of ground glass in mahogany framing to prevent topers in one
compartment being put to the blush by the recognitions of those in the next On
the inside of the counter two barmaids leant over the whitehandled
beerengines and the row of little silvered taps inside dripping into a pewter
trough
Feeling tired and having nothing more to do till the train left Jude sat
down on one of the sofas At the back of the barmaids rose beveledged mirrors
with glass shelves running along their front on which stood precious liquids
that Jude did not know the name of in bottles of topaz sapphire ruby and
amethyst The moment was enlivened by the entrance of some customers into the
next compartment and the starting of the mechanical telltale of monies
received which emitted a tingting every time a coin was put in
The barmaid attending to this compartment was invisible to Judes direct
glance though a reflection of her back in the glass behind her was occasionally
caught by his eyes He had only observed this listlessly when she turned her
face for a moment to the glass to set her hair tidy Then he was amazed to
discover that the face was Arabellas
If she had come on to his compartment she would have seen him But she did
not this being presided over by the maiden on the other side Abby was in a
black gown with white linen cuffs and a broad white collar and her figure
more developed than formerly was accentuated by a bunch of daffodils that she
wore on her left bosom In the compartment she served stood an electroplated
fountain of water over a spiritlamp whose blue flame sent a steam from the
top all this being visible to him only in the mirror behind her which also
reflected the faces of the men she was attending to one of them a handsome
dissipated young fellow possibly an undergraduate who had been relating to her
an experience of some humorous sort
»O Mr Cockman now How can you tell such a tale to me in my innocence«
she cried gaily »Mr Cockman what do you use to make your moustache curl so
beautiful« As the young man was clean shaven the retort provoked a laugh at his
expense
»Come« said he »Ill have a Curaçoa and a light please«
She served the liqueur from one of the lovely bottles and striking a match
held it to his cigarette with ministering archness while he whiffed
»Well have you heard from your husband lately my dear« he asked
»Not a sound« said she
»Where is he«
»I left him in Australia and I suppose hes there still«
Judes eyes grew rounder
»What made you part from him«
»Dont you ask questions and you wont hear lies«
»Come then give me my change which youve been keeping from me for the
last quarter of an hour and Ill romantically vanish up the street of this
picturesque city«
She handed the change over the counter in taking which he caught her
fingers and held them There was a slight struggle and titter and he bade her
goodbye and left
Jude had looked on with the eye of a dazed philosopher It was extraordinary
how far removed from his life Arabella now seemed to be He could not realize
their nominal closeness And this being the case in his present frame of mind
he was indifferent to the fact that Arabella was his wife indeed
The compartment that she served emptied itself of visitors and after a
brief thought he entered it and went forward to the counter Arabella did not
recognize him for a moment Then their glances met She started till a humorous
impudence sparkled in her eyes and she spoke
»Well Im blest I thought you were underground years ago«
»Oh«
»I never heard anything of you or I dont know that I should have come
here But never mind What shall I treat you to this afternoon A Scotch and
soda Come anything that the house will afford for old acquaintance sake«
»Thanks Arabella« said Jude without a smile »But I dont want anything
more than Ive had« The fact was that her unexpected presence there had
destroyed at a stroke his momentary taste for strong liquor as completely as if
it had whisked him back to his milkfed infancy
»Thats a pity now you could get it for nothing«
»How long have you been here«
»About six weeks I returned from Sydney three months ago I always liked
this business you know«
»I wonder you came to this place«
»Well as I say I thought you were gone to glory and being in London I saw
the situation in an advertisement Nobody was likely to know me here even if I
had minded for I was never in Christminster in my growing up«
»Why did you return from Australia«
»Oh I had my reasons Then you are not a Don yet«
»No«
»Not even a Reverend«
»No«
»Nor so much as a Rather Reverend dissenting gentleman«
»I am as I was«
»True you look so« She idly allowed her fingers to rest on the pull of
the beerengine as she inspected him critically He observed that her hands were
smaller and whiter than when he had lived with her and that on the hand which
pulled the engine she wore an ornamental ring set with what seemed to be real
sapphires which they were indeed and were much admired as such by the young
men who frequented the bar
»So you pass as having a living husband« he continued
»Yes I thought it might be awkward if I called myself a widow as I should
have liked«
»True I am known here a little«
»I didnt mean on that account for as I said I didnt expect you It was
for other reasons«
»What were they«
»I dont care to go into them« she replied evasively »I make a very good
living and I dont know that I want your company«
Here a chappie with no chin and a moustache like a ladys eyebrow came and
asked for a curiously compounded drink and Arabella was obliged to go and
attend to him »We cant talk here« she said stepping back a moment »Cant
you wait till nine Say yes and dont be a fool I can get off duty two hours
sooner than usual if I ask I am not living in the house at present«
He reflected and said gloomily »Ill come back I suppose wed better
arrange something«
»O bother arranging Im not going to arrange anything«
»But I must know a thing or two and as you say we cant talk here Very
well Ill call for you«
Depositing his unemptied glass he went out and walked up and down the
street Here was a rude flounce into the pellucid sentimentality of his sad
attachment to Sue Though Arabellas word was absolutely untrustworthy he
thought there might be some truth in her implication that she had not wished to
disturb him and had really supposed him dead However there was only one thing
now to be done and that was to play a straightforward part the law being the
law and the woman between whom and himself there was no more unity than between
east and west being in the eye of the Church one person with him
Having to meet Arabella here it was impossible to meet Sue at Alfredston as
he had promised At every thought of this a pang had gone through him but the
conjuncture could not be helped Arabella was perhaps an intended intervention
to punish him for his unauthorized love Passing the evening therefore in a
desultory waiting about the town wherein he avoided the precincts of every
Cloister and Hall because he could not bear to behold them he repaired to the
tavern bar while the hundred and one strokes were resounding from the Great Bell
of Cardinal College a coincidence which seemed to him gratuitous irony The inn
was now brilliantly lighted up and the scene was altogether more brisk and gay
The faces of the barmaidens had risen in colour each having a pink flush on her
cheek their manners were still more vivacious than before more abandoned
more excited more sensuous and they expressed their sentiments and desires
less euphemistically laughing in a lackadaisical tone without reserve
The bar had been crowded with men of all sorts during the previous hour and
he had heard from without the hubbub of their voices but the customers were
fewer at last He nodded to Arabella and told her that she would find him
outside the door when she came away
»But you must have something with me first« she said with great
goodhumour »Just an early nightcap I always do Then you can go out and wait
a minute as it is best we should not be seen going together« She drew a couple
of liqueur glasses of brandy and though she had evidently from her
countenance already taken in enough alcohol either by drinking or more
probably from the atmosphere she had breathed for so many hours she finished
hers quickly He also drank his and went outside the house
In a few minutes she came in a thick jacket and a hat with a black feather
»I live quite near« she said taking his arm »and can let myself in by a
latchkey at any time What arrangement do you want to come to«
»O none in particular« he answered thoroughly sick and tired his
thoughts again reverting to Alfredston and the train he did not go by the
probable disappointment of Sue that he was not there when she arrived and the
missed pleasure of her company on the long and lonely climb by starlight up the
hills to Marygreen »I ought to have gone back really My aunt is on her
deathbed I fear«
»Ill go over with you tomorrow morning I think I could get a day off«
There was something particularly uncongenial in the idea of Arabella who
had no more sympathy than a tigress with his relations or him coming to the
bedside of his dying aunt and meeting Sue Yet he said »Of course if youd
like to you can«
»Well that well consider Now until we have come to some agreement it
is awkward our being together here where you are known and I am getting
known though without any suspicion that I have anything to do with you As we
are going towards the station suppose we take the nineforty train to
Aldbrickham We shall be there in little more than halfanhour and nobody will
know us for one night and we shall be quite free to act as we choose till we
have made up our minds whether well make anything public or not«
»As you like«
»Then wait till I get two or three things This is my lodging Sometimes
when late I sleep at the hotel where I am engaged so nobody will think anything
of my staying out«
She speedily returned and they went on to the railway and made the
halfhours journey to Aldbrickham where they entered a thirdrate inn near the
station in time for a late supper
9
On the morrow between nine and halfpast they were journeying back to
Christminster the only two occupants of a compartment in a thirdclass
railwaycarriage Having like Jude made rather a hasty toilet to catch the
train Arabella looked a little frowsy and her face was very far from
possessing the animation which had characterized it at the bar the night before
When they came out of the station she found that she still had halfanhour to
spare before she was due at the bar They walked in silence a little way out of
the town in the direction of Alfredston Jude looked up the far highway
»Ah poor feeble me« he murmured at last
»What« said she
»This is the very road by which I came into Christminster years ago full of
plans«
»Well whatever the road is I think my time is nearly up as I have to be in
the bar by eleven oclock And as I said I shant ask for the day to go with
you to see your aunt So perhaps we had better part here Id sooner not walk up
Chief Street with you since weve come to no conclusion at all«
»Very well But you said when we were getting up this morning that you had
something you wished to tell me before I left«
»So I had two things one in particular But you wouldnt promise to keep
it a secret Ill tell you now if you promise As an honest woman I wish you to
know it It was what I began telling you in the night about that gentleman
who managed the Sydney hotel« Arabella spoke somewhat hurriedly for her
»Youll keep it close«
»Yes yes I promise« said Jude impatiently »Of course I dont want to
reveal your secrets«
»Whenever I met him out for a walk he used to say that he was much taken
with my looks and he kept pressing me to marry him I never thought of coming
back to England again and being out there in Australia with no home of my own
after leaving my father I at last agreed and did«
»What marry him«
»Yes«
»Regularly legally in church«
»Yes And lived with him till shortly before I left It was stupid I know
but I did There now Ive told you Dont round upon me He talks of coming
back to England poor old chap But if he does he wont be likely to find me«
Jude stood pale and fixed
»Why the devil didnt you tell me last night« he said
»Well I didnt Wont you make it up with me then«
»So in talking of your husband to the bar gentlemen you meant him of course
not me«
»Of course Come dont fuss about it«
»I have nothing more to say« replied Jude »I have nothing at all to say
about the crime youve confessed to«
»Crime Pooh They dont think much of such as that over there Lots of em
do it Well if you take it like that I shall go back to him He was very
fond of me and we lived honourable enough and as respectable as any married
couple in the Colony How did I know where you were«
»I wont go blaming you I could say a good deal but perhaps it would be
misplaced What do you wish me to do«
»Nothing There was one thing more I wanted to tell you but I fancy weve
seen enough of one another for the present I shall think over what you said
about your circumstances and let you know«
Thus they parted Jude watched her disappear in the direction of the hotel
and entered the railway station close by Finding that it wanted threequarters
of an hour of the time at which he could get a train back to Alfredston he
strolled mechanically into the city as far as to the Fourways where he stood as
he had so often stood before and surveyed Chief Street stretching ahead with
its college after college in picturesqueness unrivalled except by such
Continental vistas as the Street of Palaces in Genoa the lines of the buildings
being as distinct in the morning air as in an architectural drawing But Jude
was far from seeing or criticizing these things they were hidden by an
indescribable consciousness of Arabellas midnight contiguity a sense of
degradation at his revived experiences with her of her appearance as she lay
asleep at dawn which set upon his motionless face a look as of one accurst If
he could only have felt resentment towards her he would have been less unhappy
but he pitied while he contemned her
Jude turned and retraced his steps Drawing again towards the station he
started at hearing his name pronounced less at the name than at the voice To
his great surprise no other than Sue stood like a vision before him her look
bodeful and anxious as in a dream her little mouth nervous and her strained
eyes speaking reproachful inquiry
»O Jude I am so glad to meet you like this« she said in quick uneven
accents not far from a sob Then she flushed as she observed his thought that
they had not met since her marriage
They looked away from each other to hide their emotion took each others
hand without further speech and went on together awhile till she glanced at
him with furtive solicitude »I arrived at Alfredston station last night as you
asked me to and there was nobody to meet me But I reached Marygreen alone and
they told me aunt was a trifle better I sat up with her and as you did not
come all night I was frightened about you I thought that perhaps when you
found yourself back in the old city you were upset at at thinking I was
married and not there as I used to be and that you had nobody to speak to so
you had tried to drown your gloom as you did at that former time when you
were disappointed about entering as a student and had forgotten your promise to
me that you never would again And this I thought was why you hadnt come to
meet me«
»And you came to hunt me up and deliver me like a good angel«
»I thought I would come by the morning train and try to find you in case
in case «
»I did think of my promise to you dear continually I shall never break
out again as I did I am sure I may have been doing nothing better but I was
not doing that I loathe the thought of it«
»I am glad your staying had nothing to do with that But« she said the
faintest pout entering into her tone »you didnt come back last night and meet
me as you engaged to«
»I didnt I am sorry to say I had an appointment at nine oclock too
late for me to catch the train that would have met yours or to get home at
all«
Looking at his loved one as she appeared to him now in his tender thought
the sweetest and most disinterested comrade that he had ever had living largely
in vivid imaginings so ethereal a creature that her spirit could be seen
trembling through her limbs he felt heartily ashamed of his earthliness in
spending the hours he had spent in Arabellas company There was something rude
and immoral in thrusting these recent facts of his life upon the mind of one
who to him was so uncarnate as to seem at times impossible as a human wife to
any average man And yet she was Phillotsons How she had become such how she
lived as such passed his comprehension as he regarded her today
»Youll go back with me« he said »Theres a train just now I wonder how
my aunt is by this time And so Sue you really came on my account all this
way At what an early time you must have started poor thing«
»Yes Sitting up watching alone made me all nerves for you and instead of
going to bed when it got light I started And now you wont frighten me like
this again about your morals for nothing«
He was not so sure that she had been frightened about his morals for
nothing He released her hand till they had entered the train it seemed the
same carriage he had lately got out of with another where they sat down side
by side Sue between him and the window He regarded the delicate lines of her
profile and the small tight applelike convexities of her bodice so
different from Arabellas amplitudes Though she knew he was looking at her she
did not turn to him but kept her eyes forward as if afraid that by meeting his
own some troublous discussion would be initiated
»Sue you are married now you know like me and yet we have been in such
a hurry that we have not said a word about it«
»Theres no necessity« she quickly returned
»O well perhaps not But I wish «
»Jude dont talk about me I wish you wouldnt« she entreated »It
distresses me rather Forgive my saying it Where did you stay last night«
She had asked the question in perfect innocence to change the topic He
knew that and said merely At an inn though it would have been a relief to
tell her of his meeting with an unexpected one But the latters final
announcement of her marriage in Australia bewildered him lest what he might say
should do his ignorant wife an injury
Their talk proceeded but awkwardly till they reached Alfredston That Sue
was not as she had been but was labelled Phillotson paralyzed Jude whenever he
wanted to commune with her as an individual Yet she seemed unaltered he could
not say why There remained the fivemile extra journey into the country which
it was just as easy to walk as to drive the greater part of it being uphill
Jude had never before in his life gone that road with Sue though he had with
another It was now as if he carried a bright light which temporarily banished
the shady associations of the earlier time
Sue talked but Jude noticed that she still kept the conversation from
herself At length he inquired if her husband were well
»O yes« she said »He is obliged to be in the school all the day or he
would have come with me He is so good and kind that to accompany me he would
have dismissed the school for once even against his principles for he is
strongly opposed to giving casual holidays only I wouldnt let him I felt it
would be better to come alone Aunt Drusilla I knew was so very eccentric and
his being almost a stranger to her now would have made it irksome to both Since
it turns out that she is hardly conscious I am glad I did not ask him«
Jude had walked moodily while this praise of Phillotson was being expressed
»Mr Phillotson obliges you in everything as he ought« he said
»Of course«
»You ought to be a happy wife«
»And of course I am«
»Bride I might almost have said as yet It is not so many weeks since I
gave you to him and «
»Yes I know I know« There was something in her face which belied her late
assuring words so strictly proper and so lifelessly spoken that they might have
been taken from a list of model speeches in The Wifes Guide to Conduct Jude
knew the quality of every vibration in Sues voice could read every symptom of
her mental condition and he was convinced that she was unhappy although she
had not been a month married But her rushing away thus from home to see the
last of a relative whom she had hardly known in her life proved nothing for
Sue naturally did such things as those
»Well you have my good wishes now as always Mrs Phillotson«
She reproached him by a glance
»No you are not Mrs Phillotson« murmured Jude »You are dear free Sue
Bridehead only you dont know it Wifedom has not yet squashed up and digested
you in its vast maw as an atom which has no further individuality«
Sue put on a look of being offended till she answered »Nor has husbandom
you so far as I can see«
»But it has« he said shaking his head sadly
When they reached the lone cottage under the firs between the Brown House
and Marygreen in which Jude and Arabella had lived and quarrelled he turned to
look at it A squalid family lived there now He could not help saying to Sue
»Thats the house my wife and I occupied the whole of the time we lived
together I brought her home to that house«
She looked at it »That to you was what the schoolhouse at Shaston is to
me«
»Yes but I was not very happy there as you are in yours«
She closed her lips in retortive silence and they walked some way till she
glanced at him to see how he was taking it »Of course I may have exaggerated
your happiness one never knows« he continued blandly
»Dont think that Jude for a moment even though you may have said it to
sting me Hes as good to me as a man can be and gives me perfect liberty
which elderly husbands dont do in general If you think I am not happy
because hes too old for me you are wrong«
»I dont think anything against him to you dear«
»And you wont say things to distress me will you«
»I will not«
He said no more but he knew that from some cause or other in taking
Phillotson as a husband Sue felt that she had done what she ought not to have
done
They plunged into the concave field on the other side of which rose the
village the field wherein Jude had received a thrashing from the farmer many
years earlier On ascending to the village and approaching the house they found
Mrs Edlin standing at the door who at sight of them lifted her hands
deprecatingly »Shes downstairs if youll believe me« cried the widow »Out
o bed she got and nothing could turn her What will come ot I do not know«
On entering there indeed by the fireplace sat the old woman wrapped in
blankets and turning upon them a countenance like that of Sebastianos Lazarus
They must have looked their amazement for she said in a hollow voice
»Ah sceered ye have I I wasnt going to bide up there no longer to
please nobody Tis more than flesh and blood can bear to be ordered to do this
and that by a feller that dont know half as well as you do yourself Ah
youll rue this marrying as well as he« she added turning to Sue »All our
family do and nearly all everybody elses You should have done as I did you
simpleton And Phillotson the schoolmaster of all men What made ee marry
him«
»What makes most women marry aunt«
»Ah You mean to say you loved the man«
»I dont mean to say anything definite«
»Do ye love un«
»Dont ask me aunt«
»I can mind the man very well A very civil honourable liver but Lord I
dont want to wownd your feelings but there be certain men here and there
that no woman of any niceness can stomach I should have said he was one I
dont say so now since you must ha known better than I but thats what I
should have said«
Sue jumped up and went out Jude followed her and found her in the
outhouse crying
»Dont cry dear« said Jude in distress »She means well but is very
crusty and queer now you know«
»O no it isnt that« said Sue trying to dry her eyes »I dont mind her
roughness one bit«
»What is it then«
»It is that what she says is is true«
»God what you dont like him« asked Jude
»I dont mean that« she said hastily »That I ought perhaps I ought not
to have married«
He wondered if she had really been going to say that at first They went
back and the subject was smoothed over and her aunt took rather kindly to Sue
telling her that not many young women newly married would have come so far to
see a sick old crone like her In the afternoon Sue prepared to depart Jude
hiring a neighbour to drive her to Alfredston
»Ill go with you to the station if youd like« he said
She would not let him The man came round with the trap and Jude helped her
into it perhaps with unnecessary attention for she looked at him
prohibitively
»I suppose I may come to see you some day when I am back again at
Melchester« he halfcrossly observed
She bent down and said softly »No dear you are not to come yet I dont
think you are in a good mood«
»Very well« said Jude »Goodbye«
»Goodbye« She waved her hand and was gone
»Shes right I wont go« he murmured
He passed the evening and following days in mortifying by every possible
means his wish to see her nearly starving himself in attempts to extinguish by
fasting his passionate tendency to love her He read sermons on discipline and
hunted up passages in Church history that treated of the Ascetics of the second
century Before he had returned from Marygreen to Melchester there arrived a
letter from Arabella The sight of it revived a stronger feeling of
selfcondemnation for his brief return to her society than for his attachment to
Sue
The letter he perceived bore a London postmark instead of the
Christminster one Arabella informed him that a few days after their parting in
the morning at Christminster she had been surprised by an affectionate letter
from her Australian husband formerly manager of the hotel in Sydney He had
come to England on purpose to find her and had taken a free fullylicensed
public in Lambeth where he wished her to join him in conducting the business
which was likely to be a very thriving one the house being situated in an
excellent densely populated gindrinking neighbourhood and already doing a
trade of £200 a month which could be easily doubled
As he had said that he loved her very much still and implored her to tell
him where she was and as they had only parted in a slight tiff and as her
engagement in Christminster was only temporary she had just gone to join him as
he urged She could not help feeling that she belonged to him more than to Jude
since she had properly married him and had lived with him much longer than with
her first husband In thus wishing Jude goodbye she bore him no illwill and
trusted he would not turn upon her a weak woman and inform against her and
bring her to ruin now that she had a chance of improving her circumstances and
leading a genteel life
10
Jude returned to Melchester which had the questionable recommendation of being
only a dozen and a half miles from his Sues now permanent residence At first
he felt that this nearness was a distinct reason for not going southward at all
but Christminster was too sad a place to bear while the proximity of Shaston to
Melchester might afford him the glory of worsting the Enemy in a close
engagement such as was deliberately sought by the priests and virgins of the
early Church who disdaining an ignominious flight from temptation became even
chamberpartners with impunity Jude did not pause to remember that in the
laconic words of the historian »insulted Nature sometimes vindicated her
rights« in such circumstances
He now returned with feverish desperation to his study for the priesthood
in the recognition that the singlemindedness of his aims and his fidelity to
the cause had been more than questionable of late His passion for Sue troubled
his soul yet his lawful abandonment to the society of Arabella for twelve hours
seemed instinctively a worse thing even though she had not told him of her
Sydney husband till afterwards He had he verily believed overcome all
tendency to fly to liquor which indeed he had never done from taste but
merely as an escape from intolerable misery of mind Yet he perceived with
despondency that taken all round he was a man of too many passions to make a
good clergyman the utmost he could hope for was that in a life of constant
internal warfare between flesh and spirit the former might not always be
victorious
As a hobby auxiliary to his readings in Divinity he developed his slight
skill in churchmusic and thoroughbass till he could join in partsinging from
notation with some accuracy A mile or two from Melchester there was a restored
village church to which Jude had originally gone to fix the new columns and
capitals By this means he had become acquainted with the organist and the
ultimate result was that he joined the choir as a bass voice
He walked out to this parish twice every Sunday and sometimes in the week
One evening about Easter the choir met for practice and a new hymn which Jude
had heard of as being by a Wessex composer was to be tried and prepared for the
following week It turned out to be a strangely emotional composition As they
all sang it over and over again its harmonies grew upon Jude and moved him
exceedingly
When they had finished he went round to the organist to make inquiries The
score was in manuscript the name of the composer being at the head together
with the title of the hymn The Foot of the Cross
»Yes« said the organist »He is a local man He is a professional musician
at Kennetbridge between here and Christminster The vicar knows him He was
brought up and educated in Christminster traditions which accounts for the
quality of the piece I think he plays in the large church there and has a
surpliced choir He comes to Melchester sometimes and once tried to get the
Cathedral organ when the post was vacant The hymn is getting about everywhere
this Easter«
As he walked humming the air on his way home Jude fell to musing on its
composer and the reasons why he composed it What a man of sympathies he must
be Perplexed and harassed as he himself was about Sue and Arabella and
troubled as was his conscience by the complication of his position how he would
like to know that man »He of all men would understand my difficulties« said
the impulsive Jude If there were any person in the world to choose as a
confidant this composer would be the one for he must have suffered and
throbbed and yearned
In brief ill as he could afford the time and money for the journey Fawley
resolved like the child that he was to go to Kennetbridge the very next
Sunday He duly started early in the morning for it was only by a series of
crooked railways that he could get to the town About midday he reached it and
crossing the bridge into the quaint old borough he inquired for the house of the
composer
They told him it was a red brick building some little way further on Also
that the gentleman himself had just passed along the street not five minutes
before
»Which way« asked Jude with alacrity
»Straight along homeward from church«
Jude hastened on and soon had the pleasure of observing a man in a black
coat and a black slouched felt hat no considerable distance ahead Stretching
out his legs yet more widely he stalked after »A hungry soul in pursuit of a
full soul« he said »I must speak to that man«
He could not however overtake the musician before he had entered his own
house and then arose the question if this were an expedient time to call
Whether or not he decided to do so there and then now that he had got here the
distance home being too great for him to wait till late in the afternoon This
man of soul would understand scant ceremony and might be quite a perfect
adviser in a case in which an earthly and illegitimate passion had cunningly
obtained entrance into his heart through the opening afforded for religion
Jude accordingly rang the bell and was admitted
The musician came to him in a moment and being respectably dressed
goodlooking and frank in manner Jude obtained a favourable reception He was
nevertheless conscious that there would be a certain awkwardness in explaining
his errand
»I have been singing in the choir of a little church near Melchester« he
said »And we have this week practised The Foot of the Cross which I
understand sir that you composed«
»I did a year or so ago«
»I like it I think it supremely beautiful«
»Ah well other people have said so too Yes theres money in it if I
could only see about getting it published I have other compositions to go with
it too I wish I could bring them out for I havent made a fivepound note out
of any of them yet These publishing people they want the copyright of an
obscure composers work such as mine is for almost less than I should have to
pay a person for making a fair manuscript copy of the score The one you speak
of I have lent to various friends about here and Melchester and so it has got
to be sung a little But music is a poor staff to lean on I am giving it up
entirely You must go into trade if you want to make money nowadays The wine
business is what I am thinking of This is my forthcoming list it is not
issued yet but you can take one«
He handed Jude an advertisement list of several pages in booklet shape
ornamentally margined with a red line in which were set forth the various
clarets champagnes ports sherries and other wines with which he purposed to
initiate his new venture It took Jude more than by surprise that the man with
the soul was thus and thus and he felt that he could not open up his
confidences
They talked a little longer but constrainedly for when the musician found
that Jude was a poor man his manner changed from what it had been while Judes
appearance and address deceived him as to his position and pursuits Jude
stammered out something about his feelings in wishing to congratulate the author
on such an exalted composition and took an embarrassed leave
All the way home by the slow Sunday train sitting in the fireless
waitingrooms on this cold spring day he was depressed enough at his simplicity
in taking such a journey But no sooner did he reach his Melchester lodging than
he found awaiting him a letter which had arrived that morning a few minutes
after he had left the house It was a contrite little note from Sue in which
she said with sweet humility that she felt she had been horrid in telling him
he was not to come to see her that she despised herself for having been so
conventional and that he was to be sure to come by the elevenfortyfive train
that very Sunday and have dinner with them at halfpast one
Jude almost tore his hair at having missed this letter till it was too late
to act upon its contents but he had chastened himself considerably of late and
at last his chimerical expedition to Kennetbridge really did seem to have been
another special intervention of Providence to keep him away from temptation But
a growing impatience of faith which he had noticed in himself more than once of
late made him pass over in ridicule the idea that God sent people on fools
errands He longed to see her he was angry at having missed her and he wrote
instantly telling her what had happened and saying he had not enough patience
to wait till the following Sunday but would come any day in the week that she
liked to name
Since he wrote a little overardently Sue as her manner was delayed her
reply till Thursday before Good Friday when she said he might come that
afternoon if he wished this being the earliest day on which she could welcome
him for she was now assistantteacher in her husbands school Jude therefore
got leave from the Cathedral works at the trifling expense of a stoppage of pay
and went
Part Fourth
»Whoso prefers either Matrimony or other Ordinance before the Good
of Man and the plain Exigence of Charity let him profess Papist or
Protestant or what he will he is no better than a Pharisee«
J Milton
At Shaston
1
Shaston the ancient British Palladour
»From whose foundation first such strange reports arise«
as Drayton sang it was and is in itself the city of a dream Vague
imaginings of its castle its three mints its magnificent apsidal Abbey the
chief glory of South Wessex its twelve churches its shrines chantries
hospitals its gabled freestone mansions all now ruthlessly swept away throw
the visitor even against his will into a pensive melancholy which the
stimulating atmosphere and limitless landscape around him can scarcely dispel
The spot was the burialplace of a king and a queen of abbots and abbesses
saints and bishops knights and squires The bones of King Edward the Martyr
carefully removed hither for holy preservation brought Shaston a renown which
made it the resort of pilgrims from every part of Europe and enabled it to
maintain a reputation extending far beyond English shores To this fair creation
of the great MiddleAge the Dissolution was as historians tell us the
deathknell With the destruction of the enormous abbey the whole place
collapsed in a general ruin the Martyrs bones met with the fate of the sacred
pile that held them and not a stone is now left to tell where they lie
The natural picturesqueness and singularity of the town still remain but
strange to say these qualities which were noted by many writers in ages when
scenic beauty is said to have been unappreciated are passed over in this and
one of the queerest and quaintest spots in England stands virtually unvisited
today
It has a unique position on the summit of a steep and imposing scarp rising
on the north south and west sides of the borough out of the deep alluvial Vale
of Blackmoor the view from the Castle Green over three counties of verdant
pasture South Mid and Nether Wessex being as sudden a surprise to the
unexpectant travellers eyes as the medicinal air is to his lungs Impossible to
a railway it can best be reached on foot next best by light vehicles and it
is hardly accessible to these but by a sort of isthmus on the northeast that
connects it with the high chalk tableland on that side
Such is and such was the now worldforgotten Shaston or Palladour Its
situation rendered water the great want of the town and within living memory
horses donkeys and men may have been seen toiling up the winding ways to the
top of the height laden with tubs and barrels filled from the wells beneath the
mountain and hawkers retailing their contents at the price of a halfpenny a
bucketful
This difficulty in the water supply together with two other odd facts
namely that the chief graveyard slopes up as steeply as a roof behind the
church and that in former times the town passed through a curious period of
corruption conventual and domestic gave rise to the saying that Shaston was
remarkable for three consolations to man such as the world afforded not
elsewhere It was a place where the churchyard lay nearer heaven than the church
steeple where beer was more plentiful than water and where there were more
wanton women than honest wives and maids It is also said that after the middle
ages the inhabitants were too poor to pay their priests and hence were
compelled to pull down their churches and refrain altogether from the public
worship of God a necessity which they bemoaned over their cups in the settles
of their inns on Sunday afternoons In those days the Shastonians were
apparently not without a sense of humour
There was another peculiarity this a modern one which Shaston appeared
to owe to its site It was the restingplace and headquarters of the proprietors
of wandering vans shows shootinggalleries and other itinerant concerns
whose business lay largely at fairs and markets As strange wild birds are seen
assembled on some lofty promontory meditatively pausing for longer flights or
to return by the course they followed thither so here in this clifftown
stood in stultified silence the yellow and green caravans bearing names not
local as if surprised by a change in the landscape so violent as to hinder
their further progress and here they usually remained all the winter till they
turned to seek again their old tracks in the following spring
It was to this breezy and whimsical spot that Jude ascended from the nearest
station for the first time in his life about four oclock one afternoon and
entering on the summit of the peak after a toilsome climb passed the first
houses of the aerial town and drew towards the schoolhouse The hour was too
early the pupils were still in school humming small like a swarm of gnats
and he withdrew a few steps along Abbey Walk whence he regarded the spot which
fate had made the home of all he loved best in the world In front of the
schools which were extensive and stonebuilt grew two enormous beeches with
smooth mousecoloured trunks as such trees will only grow on chalk uplands
Within the mullioned and transomed windows he could see the black brown and
flaxen crowns of the scholars over the sills and to pass the time away he
walked down to the level terrace where the Abbey gardens once had spread his
heart throbbing in spite of him
Unwilling to enter till the children were dismissed he remained here till
young voices could be heard in the open air and girls in white pinafores over
red and blue frocks appeared dancing along the paths which the abbess prioress
subprioress and fifty nuns had demurely paced three centuries earlier
Retracing his steps he found that he had waited too long and that Sue had gone
out into the town at the heels of the last scholar Mr Phillotson having been
absent all the afternoon at a teachers meeting at Shottsford
Jude went into the empty schoolroom and sat down the girl who was sweeping
the floor having informed him that Mrs Phillotson would be back again in a few
minutes A piano stood near actually the old piano that Phillotson had
possessed at Marygreen and though the dark afternoon almost prevented him
seeing the notes Jude touched them in his humble way and could not help
modulating into the hymn which had so affected him in the previous week
A figure moved behind him and thinking it was still the girl with the broom
Jude took no notice till the person came close and laid her fingers lightly
upon his bass hand The imposed hand was a little one he seemed to know and he
turned
»Dont stop« said Sue »I like it I learnt it before I left Melchester
They used to play it in the Training School«
»I cant strum before you Play it for me«
»O well I dont mind«
Sue sat down and her rendering of the piece though not remarkable seemed
divine as compared with his own She like him was evidently touched to her
own surprise by the recalled air and when she had finished and he moved his
hand towards hers it met his own halfway Jude grasped it just as he had
done before her marriage
»It is odd« she said in a voice quite changed »that I should care about
that air because «
»Because what«
»I am not that sort quite«
»Not easily moved«
»I didnt quite mean that«
»O but you are one of that sort for you are just like me at heart«
»But not at head«
She played on and suddenly turned round and by an unpremeditated instinct
each clasped the others hand again
She uttered a forced little laugh as she relinquished his quickly »How
funny« she said »I wonder what we both did that for«
»I suppose because we are both alike as I said before«
»Not in our thoughts Perhaps a little in our feelings«
»And they rule thoughts Isnt it enough to make one blaspheme that the
composer of that hymn is one of the most commonplace men I ever met«
»What you know him«
»I went to see him«
»O you goose to do just what I should have done Why did you«
»Because we are not alike« he said drily
»Now well have some tea« said Sue »Shall we have it here instead of in my
house It is no trouble to get the kettle and things brought in We dont live
at the school you know but in that ancient dwelling across the way called
OldGrove Place It is so antique and dismal that it depresses me dreadfully
Such houses are very well to visit but not to live in I feel crushed into the
earth by the weight of so many previous lives there spent In a new place like
these schools there is only your own life to support Sit down and Ill tell
Ada to bring the teathings across«
He waited in the light of the stove the door of which she flung open before
going out and when she returned followed by the maiden with tea they sat down
by the same light assisted by the blue rays of a spiritlamp under the brass
kettle on the stand
»This is one of your weddingpresents to me« she said signifying the
latter
»Yes« said Jude
The kettle of his gift sang with some satire in its note to his mind and
to change the subject he said »Do you know of any good readable edition of the
uncanonical books of the New Testament You dont read them in the school I
suppose«
»O dear no twould alarm the neighbourhood Yes there is one I am
not familiar with it now though I was interested in it when my former friend
was alive Cowpers Apocryphal Gospels«
»That sounds like what I want« His thoughts however reverted with a
twinge to the former friend by whom she meant as he knew the University
comrade of her earlier days He wondered if she talked of him to Phillotson
»The Gospel of Nicodemus is very nice« she went on to keep him from his
jealous thoughts which she read clearly as she always did Indeed when they
talked on an indifferent subject as now there was ever a second silent
conversation passing between their emotions so perfect was the reciprocity
between them »It is quite like the genuine article All cut up into verses
too so that it is like one of the other evangelists read in a dream when
things are the same yet not the same But Jude do you take an interest in
those questions still Are you getting up Apologetica«
»Yes I am reading Divinity harder than ever«
She regarded him curiously
»Why do you look at me like that« said Jude
»Oh why do you want to know«
»I am sure you can tell me anything I may be ignorant of in that subject
You must have learnt a lot of everything from your dear dead friend«
»We wont get on to that now« she coaxed »Will you be carving out at that
church again next week where you learnt the pretty hymn«
»Yes perhaps«
»That will be very nice Shall I come and see you there It is in this
direction and I could come any afternoon by train for halfanhour«
»No Dont come«
»What arent we going to be friends then any longer as we used to be«
»No«
»I didnt know that I thought you were always going to be kind to me«
»No I am not«
»What have I done then I am sure I thought we two « The tremolo in her
voice caused her to break off
»Sue I sometimes think you are a flirt« said he abruptly
There was a momentary pause till she suddenly jumped up and to his
surprise he saw by the kettleflame that her face was flushed
»I cant talk to you any longer Jude« she said the tragic contralto note
having come back as of old »It is getting too dark to stay together like this
after playing morbid Good Friday tunes that make one feel what one shouldnt
We mustnt sit and talk in this way any more Yes you must go away for you
mistake me I am very much the reverse of what you say so cruelly O Jude it
was cruel to say that Yet I cant tell you the truth I should shock you by
letting you know how I give way to my impulses and how much I feel that I
shouldnt have been provided with attractiveness unless it were meant to be
exercised Some womens love of being loved is insatiable and so often is
their love of loving and in the last case they may find that they cant give it
continuously to the chamberofficer appointed by the bishops licence to receive
it But you are so straightforward Jude that you cant understand me Now
you must go I am sorry my husband is not at home«
»Are you«
»I perceive I have said that in mere convention Honestly I dont think I am
sorry It does not matter either way sad to say«
As they had overdone the grasp of hands some time sooner she touched his
fingers but lightly when he went out now He had hardly gone from the door when
with a dissatisfied look she jumped on a form and opened the iron casement of a
window beneath which he was passing in the path without »When do you leave here
to catch your train Jude« she asked
He looked up in some surprise »The coach that runs to meet it goes in
threequarters of an hour or so«
»What will you do with yourself for the time«
»O wander about I suppose Perhaps I shall go and sit in the old church«
»It does seem hard of me to pack you off so You have thought enough of
churches Heaven knows without going into one in the dark Stay there«
»Where«
»Where you are I can talk to you better like this than when you were
inside It was so kind and tender of you to give up half a days work to come
to see me You are Joseph the dreamer of dreams dear Jude And a tragic Don
Quixote And sometimes you are St Stephen who while they were stoning him
could see Heaven opened O my poor friend and comrade youll suffer yet«
Now that the high windowsill was between them so that he could not get at
her she seemed not to mind indulging in a frankness she had feared at close
quarters »I have been thinking« she continued still in the tone of one
brimful of feeling »that the social moulds civilization fits us into have no
more relation to our actual shapes than the conventional shapes of the
constellations have to the real starpatterns I am called Mrs Richard
Phillotson living a calm wedded life with my counterpart of that name But I am
not really Mrs Richard Phillotson but a woman tossed about all alone with
aberrant passions and unaccountable antipathies Now you mustnt wait
longer or you will lose the coach Come and see me again You must come to the
house then«
»Yes« said Jude »When shall it be«
»Tomorrow week Goodbye goodbye« She stretched out her hand and
stroked his forehead pitifully just once Jude said goodbye and went away
into the darkness
Passing along Bimport Street he thought he heard the wheels of the coach
departing and truly enough when he reached the Dukes Arms in the Market
Place the coach had gone It was impossible for him to get to the station on
foot in time for this train and he settled himself perforce to wait for the
next the last to Melchester that night
He wandered about awhile obtained something to eat and then having
another halfhour on his hands his feet involuntarily took him through the
venerable graveyard of Trinity Church with its avenues of limes in the
direction of the schools again They were entirely in darkness She had said she
lived over the way at OldGrove Place a house which he soon discovered from her
description of its antiquity
A glimmering candlelight shone from a front window the shutters being yet
unclosed He could see the interior clearly the floor sinking a couple of
steps below the road without which had become raised during the centuries since
the house was built Sue evidently just come in was standing with her hat on
in this front parlour or sittingroom whose walls were lined with wainscoting
of panelled oak reaching from floor to ceiling the latter being crossed by huge
moulded beams only a little way above her head The mantelpiece was of the same
heavy description carved with Jacobean pilasters and scrollwork The centuries
did indeed ponderously overhang a young wife who passed her time here
She had opened a rosewood workbox and was looking at a photograph Having
contemplated it a little while she pressed it against her bosom and put it
again in its place
Then becoming aware that she had not obscured the windows she came forward
to do so candle in hand It was too dark for her to see Jude without but he
could see her face distinctly and there was an unmistakable tearfulness about
the dark longlashed eyes
She closed the shutters and Jude turned away to pursue his solitary journey
home »Whose photograph was she looking at« he said He had once given her his
but she had others he knew Yet it was his surely
He knew he should go to see her again according to her invitation Those
earnest men he read of the saints whom Sue with gentle irreverence called
his demigods would have shunned such encounters if they doubted their own
strength But he could not He might fast and pray during the whole interval
but the human was more powerful in him than the Divine
2
However if God disposed not woman did The next morning but one brought him
this note from her
»Dont come next week On your own account dont We were too free
under the influence of that morbid hymn and the twilight Think no more
than you can help of
SUSANNA FLORENCE MARY«
The disappointment was keen He knew her mood the look of her face when she
subscribed herself at length thus But whatever her mood he could not say she
was wrong in her view He replied
»I acquiesce You are right It is a lesson in renunciation which I
suppose I ought to learn at this season
JUDE«
He despatched the note on Easter Eve and there seemed a finality in their
decisions But other forces and laws than theirs were in operation On Easter
Monday morning he received a message from the Widow Edlin whom he had directed
to telegraph if anything serious happened
»Your aunt is sinking Come at once«
He threw down his tools and went Three and a half hours later he was crossing
the downs about Marygreen and presently plunged into the concave field across
which the short cut was made to the village As he ascended on the other side a
labouring man who had been watching his approach from a gate across the path
moved uneasily and prepared to speak »I can see in his face that she is dead«
said Jude »Poor Aunt Drusilla«
It was as he had supposed and Mrs Edlin had sent out the man to break the
news to him
»She wouldnt have knowed ee She lay like a doll wi glass eyes so it
didnt matter that you wasnt here« said he
Jude went on to the house and in the afternoon when everything was done
and the layersout had finished their beer and gone he sat down alone in the
silent place It was absolutely necessary to communicate with Sue though two or
three days earlier they had agreed to mutual severance He wrote in the briefest
terms
»Aunt Drusilla is dead having been taken almost suddenly The funeral
is on Friday afternoon«
He remained in and about Marygreen through the intervening days went out on
Friday morning to see that the grave was finished and wondered if Sue would
come She had not written and that seemed to signify rather that she would come
than that she would not Having timed her by her only possible train he locked
the door about midday and crossed the hollow field to the verge of the upland
by the Brown House where he stood and looked over the vast prospect northwards
and over the nearer landscape in which Alfredston stood Two miles behind it a
jet of white steam was travelling from the left to the right of the picture
There was a long time to wait even now till he would know if she had
arrived He did wait however and at last a small hired vehicle pulled up at
the bottom of the hill and a person alighted the conveyance going back while
the passenger began ascending the hill He knew her and she looked so slender
today that it seemed as if she might be crushed in the intensity of a too
passionate embrace such as it was not for him to give Twothirds of the way
up her head suddenly took a solicitous poise and he knew that she had at that
moment recognized him Her face soon began a pensive smile which lasted till
having descended a little way he met her
»I thought« she began with nervous quickness »that it would be so sad to
let you attend the funeral alone And so at the last moment I came«
»Dear faithful Sue« murmured Jude
With the elusiveness of her curious double nature however Sue did not
stand still for any further greeting though it wanted some time to the burial
A pathos so unusually compounded as that which attached to this hour was
unlikely to repeat itself for years if ever and Jude would have paused and
meditated and conversed But Sue either saw it not at all or seeing it more
than he would not allow herself to feel it
The sad and simple ceremony was soon over their progress to the church
being almost at a trot the bustling undertaker having a more important funeral
an hour later three miles off Drusilla was put into the new ground quite away
from her ancestors Sue and Jude had gone side by side to the grave and now sat
down to tea in the familiar house their lives united at least in this last
attention to the dead
»She was opposed to marriage from first to last you say« murmured Sue
»Yes Particularly for members of our family«
Her eyes met his and remained on him awhile
»We are rather a sad family dont you think Jude«
»She said we made bad husbands and wives Certainly we make unhappy ones At
all events I do for one«
Sue was silent »Is it wrong Jude« she said with a tentative tremor »for
a husband or wife to tell a third person that they are unhappy in their
marriage If a marriage ceremony is a religious thing it is possibly wrong but
if it is only a sordid contract based on material convenience in householding
rating and taxing and the inheritance of land and money by children making it
necessary that the male parent should be known which it seems to be why
surely a person may say even proclaim upon the housetops that it hurts and
grieves him or her«
»I have said so anyhow to you«
Presently she went on »Are there many couples do you think where one
dislikes the other for no definite fault«
»Yes I suppose If either cares for another person for instance«
»But even apart from that Wouldnt the woman for example be very
badnatured if she didnt like to live with her husband merely« her voice
undulated and he guessed things »merely because she had a personal feeling
against it a physical objection a fastidiousness or whatever it may be
called although she might respect and be grateful to him I am merely putting
a case Ought she to try to overcome her pruderies«
Jude threw a troubled look at her He said looking away »It would be just
one of those cases in which my experiences go contrary to my dogmas Speaking as
an orderloving man which I hope I am though I fear I am not I should say
yes Speaking from experience and unbiased nature I should say no Sue I
believe you are not happy«
»Of course I am« she contradicted »How can a woman be unhappy who has only
been married eight weeks to a man she chose freely«
»Chose freely«
»Why do you repeat it But I have to go back by the six oclock train
You will be staying on here I suppose«
»For a few days to wind up aunts affairs This house is gone now Shall I
go to the train with you«
A little laugh of objection came from Sue »I think not You may come part
of the way«
»But stop you cant go tonight That train wont take you to Shaston You
must stay and go back tomorrow Mrs Edlin has plenty of room if you dont
like to stay here«
»Very well« she said dubiously »I didnt tell him I would come for
certain«
Jude went to the widows house adjoining to let her know and returning in
a few minutes sat down again
»It is horrible how we are circumstanced Sue horrible« he said abruptly
with his eyes bent to the floor
»No Why«
»I cant tell you all my part of the gloom Your part is that you ought not
to have married him I saw it before you had done it but I thought I mustnt
interfere I was wrong I ought to have«
»But what makes you assume all this dear«
»Because I can see you through your feathers my poor little bird«
Her hand lay on the table and Jude put his upon it Sue drew hers away
»Thats absurd Sue« cried he »after what weve been talking about I am
more strict and formal than you if it comes to that and that you should object
to such an innocent action shows that you are ridiculously inconsistent«
»Perhaps it was too prudish« she said repentantly »Only I have fancied it
was a sort of trick of ours too frequent perhaps There you may hold it as
much as you like Is that good of me«
»Yes very«
»But I must tell him«
»Who«
»Richard«
»O of course if you think it necessary But as it means nothing it may be
bothering him needlessly«
»Well are you sure you mean it only as my cousin«
»Absolutely sure I have no feelings of love left in me«
»Thats news How has it come to be«
»Ive seen Arabella«
She winced at the hit then said curiously »When did you see her«
»When I was at Christminster«
»So shes come back and you never told me I suppose you will live with her
now«
»Of course just as you live with your husband«
She looked at the window pots with the geraniums and cactuses withered for
want of attention and through them at the outer distance till her eyes began
to grow moist »What is it« said Jude in a softened tone
»Why should you be so glad to go back to her if if what you used to say
to me is still true I mean if it were true then Of course it is not now How
could your heart go back to Arabella so soon«
»A special Providence I suppose helped it on its way«
»Ah it isnt true« she said with gentle resentment »You are teasing me
thats all because you think I am not happy«
»I dont know I dont wish to know«
»If I were unhappy it would be my fault my wickedness not that I should
have a right to dislike him He is considerate to me in everything and he is
very interesting from the amount of general knowledge he has acquired by
reading everything that comes in his way Do you think Jude that a man
ought to marry a woman his own age or one younger than himself eighteen years
as I am than he«
»It depends upon what they feel for each other«
He gave her no opportunity of selfsatisfaction and she had to go on
unaided which she did in a vanquished tone verging on tears
»I I think I must be equally honest with you as you have been with me
Perhaps you have seen what it is I want to say that though I like Mr
Phillotson as a friend I dont like him it is a torture to me to live with
him as a husband There now I have let it out I couldnt help it although
I have been pretending I am happy Now youll have a contempt for me for
ever I suppose« She bent down her face upon her hands as they lay upon the
cloth and silently sobbed in little jerks that made the fragile three table
quiver
»I have only been married a month or two« she went on still remaining bent
upon the table and sobbing into her hands »And it is said that what a woman
shrinks from in the early days of her marriage she shakes down to with
comfortable indifference in halfadozen years But that is much like saying
that the amputation of a limb is no affliction since a person gets comfortably
accustomed to the use of a wooden leg or arm in the course of time«
Jude could hardly speak but he said »I thought there was something wrong
Sue O I thought there was«
»But it is not as you think there is nothing wrong except my own
wickedness I suppose youd call it a repugnance on my part for a reason I
cannot disclose and what would not be admitted as one by the world in
general What tortures me so much is the necessity of being responsive to
this man whenever he wishes good as he is morally the dreadful contract to
feel in a particular way in a matter whose essence is its voluntariness I
wish he would beat me or be faithless to me or do some open thing that I could
talk about as a justification for feeling as I do But he does nothing except
that he has grown a little cold since he has found out how I feel Thats why he
didnt come to the funeral O I am very miserable I dont know what to
do Dont come near me Jude because you mustnt Dont dont«
But he had jumped up and put his face against hers or rather against her
ear her face being inaccessible
»I told you not to Jude«
»I know you did I only wish to console you It all arose through my
being married before we met didnt it You would have been my wife Sue
wouldnt you if it hadnt been for that«
Instead of replying she rose quickly and saying she was going to walk to
her aunts grave in the churchyard to recover herself went out of the house
Jude did not follow her Twenty minutes later he saw her cross the village green
towards Mrs Edlins and soon she sent a little girl to fetch her bag and tell
him she was too tired to see him again that night
In the lonely room of his aunts house Jude sat watching the cottage of the
Widow Edlin as it disappeared behind the night shade He knew that Sue was
sitting within its walls equally lonely and disheartened and again questioned
his devotional motto that all was for the best
He retired to rest early but his sleep was fitful from the sense that Sue
was so near at hand At some time near two oclock when he was beginning to
sleep more soundly he was aroused by a shrill squeak that had been familiar
enough to him when he lived regularly at Marygreen It was the cry of a rabbit
caught in a gin As was the little creatures habit it did not soon repeat its
cry and probably would not do so more than once or twice but would remain
bearing its torture till the morrow when the trapper would come and knock it on
the head
He who in his childhood had saved the lives of the earthworms now began to
picture the agonies of the rabbit from its lacerated leg If it were a bad catch
by the hindleg the animal would tug during the ensuing six hours till the iron
teeth of the trap had stripped the legbone of its flesh when should a
weakspringed instrument enable it to escape it would die in the fields from
the mortification of the limb If it were a good catch namely by the foreleg
the bone would be broken and the limb nearly torn in two in attempts at an
impossible escape
Almost halfanhour passed and the rabbit repeated its cry Jude could rest
no longer till he had put it out of its pain so dressing himself quickly he
descended and by the light of the moon went across the green in the direction
of the sound He reached the hedge bordering the widows garden when he stood
still The faint click of the trap as dragged about by the writhing animal
guided him now and reaching the spot he struck the rabbit on the back of the
neck with the side of his palm and it stretched itself out dead
He was turning away when he saw a woman looking out of the open casement at
a window on the ground floor of the adjacent cottage »Jude« said a voice
timidly Sues voice »It is you is it not«
»Yes dear«
»I havent been able to sleep at all and then I heard the rabbit and
couldnt help thinking of what it suffered till I felt I must come down and
kill it But I am so glad you got there first They ought not to be allowed
to set these steel traps ought they«
Jude had reached the window which was quite a low one so that she was
visible down to her waist She let go the casementstay and put her hand upon
his her moonlit face regarding him wistfully
»Did it keep you awake« he said
»No I was awake«
»How was that«
»O you know now I know you with your religious doctrines think that a
married woman in trouble of a kind like mine commits a mortal sin in making a
man the confidant of it as I did you I wish I hadnt now«
»Dont wish it dear« he said »That may have been my view but my
doctrines and I begin to part company«
»I knew it I knew it And thats why I vowed I wouldnt disturb your
beliefs But I am so glad to see you and O I didnt mean to see you
again now the last tie between us Aunt Drusilla is dead«
Jude seized her hand and kissed it »There is a stronger one left« he said
»Ill never care about my doctrines or my religion any more Let them go Let me
help you even if I do love you and even if you«
»Dont say it I know what you mean but I cant admit so much as that
There Guess what you like but dont press me to answer questions«
»I wish you were happy whatever I may be«
»I cant be So few could enter into my feeling they would say twas my
fanciful fastidiousness or something of that sort and condemn me It is
none of the natural tragedies of love thats loves usual tragedy in civilized
life but a tragedy artificially manufactured for people who in a natural state
would find relief in parting It would have been wrong perhaps for me to
tell my distress to you if I had been able to tell it to anybody else But I
have nobody And I must tell somebody Jude before I married him I had never
thought out fully what marriage meant even though I knew It was idiotic of me
there is no excuse I was old enough and I thought I was very experienced So
I rushed on when I had got into that Training School scrape with all the
cocksureness of the fool that I was I am certain one ought to be allowed to
undo what one has done so ignorantly I daresay it happens to lots of women
only they submit and I kick When people of a later age look back upon the
barbarous customs and superstitions of the times that we have the unhappiness to
live in what will they say«
»You are very bitter darling Sue How I wish I wish «
»You must go in now«
In a moment of impulse she bent over the sill and laid her face upon his
hair weeping and then imprinting a scarcely perceptible little kiss upon the
top of his head withdrawing quickly so that he could not put his arms round
her as otherwise he unquestionably would have done She shut the casement and
he returned to his cottage
3
Sues distressful confession recurred to Judes mind all the night as being a
sorrow indeed
The morning after when it was time for her to go the neighbours saw her
companion and herself disappearing on foot down the hill path which led into the
lonely road to Alfredston An hour passed before he returned along the same
route and in his face there was a look of exaltation not unmixed with
recklessness An incident had occurred
They had stood parting in the silent highway and their tense and passionate
moods had led to bewildered inquiries of each other on how far their intimacy
ought to go till they had almost quarrelled and she had said tearfully that it
was hardly proper of him as a parson in embryo to think of such a thing as
kissing her even in farewell as he now wished to do Then she had conceded that
the fact of the kiss would be nothing all would depend upon the spirit of it
If given in the spirit of a cousin and a friend she saw no objection if in the
spirit of a lover she could not permit it »Will you swear that it will not be
in that spirit« she had said
No he would not And then they had turned from each other in estrangement
and gone their several ways till at a distance of twenty or thirty yards both
had looked round simultaneously That look behind was fatal to the reserve
hitherto more or less maintained They had quickly run back and met and
embracing most unpremeditatedly kissed close and long When they parted for
good it was with flushed cheeks on her side and a beating heart on his
The kiss was a turningpoint in Judes career Back again in the cottage
and left to reflection he saw one thing that though his kiss of that aerial
being had seemed the purest moment of his faultful life as long as he nourished
this unlicensed tenderness it was glaringly inconsistent for him to pursue the
idea of becoming the soldier and servant of a religion in which sexual love was
regarded as at its best a frailty and at its worst damnation What Sue had said
in warmth was really the cold truth When to defend his affection tooth and
nail to persist with headlong force in impassioned attentions to her was all
he thought of he was condemned ipso facto as a professor of the accepted school
of morals He was as unfit obviously by nature as he had been by social
position to fill the part of a propounder of accredited dogma
Strange that his first aspiration towards academical proficiency had
been checked by a woman and that his second aspiration towards apostleship
had also been checked by a woman »Is it« he said »that the women are to
blame or is it the artificial system of things under which the normal
seximpulses are turned into devilish domestic gins and springes to noose and
hold back those who want to progress«
It had been his standing desire to become a prophet however humble to his
struggling fellowcreatures without any thought of personal gain Yet with a
wife living away from him with another husband and himself in love erratically
the loved ones revolt against her state being possibly on his account he had
sunk to be barely respectable according to regulation views
It was not for him to consider further he had only to confront the obvious
which was that he had made himself quite an impostor as a lawabiding religious
teacher
At dusk that evening he went into the garden and dug a shallow hole to
which he brought out all the theological and ethical works that he possessed
and had stored here He knew that in this country of true believers most of
them were not saleable at a much higher price than wastepaper value and
preferred to get rid of them in his own way even if he should sacrifice a
little money to the sentiment of thus destroying them Lighting some loose
pamphlets to begin with he cut the volumes into pieces as well as he could and
with a threepronged fork shook them over the flames They kindled and lighted
up the back of the house the pigsty and his own face till they were more or
less consumed
Though he was almost a stranger here now passing cottagers talked to him
over the garden hedge
»Burning up your awld aunts rubbidge I suppose Ay a lot gets heaped up
in nooks and corners when youve lived eighty years in one house«
It was nearly one oclock in the morning before the leaves covers and
binding of Jeremy Taylor Butler Doddridge Paley Pusey Newman and the rest
had gone to ashes but the night was quiet and as he turned and turned the
paper shreds with the fork the sense of being no longer a hypocrite to himself
afforded his mind a relief which gave him calm He might go on believing as
before but he professed nothing and no longer owned and exhibited engines of
faith which as their proprietor he might naturally be supposed to exercise on
himself first of all In his passion for Sue he could now stand as an ordinary
sinner and not as a whited sepulchre
Meanwhile Sue after parting from him earlier in the day had gone along to
the station with tears in her eyes for having run back and let him kiss her
Jude ought not to have pretended that he was not a lover and made her give way
to an impulse to act unconventionally if not wrongly She was inclined to call
it the latter for Sues logic was extraordinarily compounded and seemed to
maintain that before a thing was done it might be right to do but that being
done it became wrong or in other words that things which were right in theory
were wrong in practice
»I have been too weak I think« she jerked out as she pranced on shaking
down teardrops now and then »It was burning like a lovers O it was And I
wont write to him any more or at least for a long time to impress him with my
dignity And I hope it will hurt him very much expecting a letter tomorrow
morning and the next and the next and no letter coming Hell suffer then
with suspense wont he thats all and I am very glad of it» Tears of
pity for Judes approaching sufferings at her hands mingled with those which had
surged up in pity for herself
Then the slim little wife of a husband whose person was disagreeable to her
the ethereal finenerved sensitive girl quite unfitted by temperament and
instinct to fulfil the conditions of the matrimonial relation with Phillotson
possibly with scarce any man walked fitfully along and panted and brought
weariness into her eyes by gazing and worrying hopelessly
Phillotson met her at the arrival station and seeing that she was
troubled thought it must be owing to the depressing effect of her aunts death
and funeral He began telling her of his days doings and how his friend
Gillingham a neighbouring schoolmaster whom he had not seen for years had
called upon him While ascending to the town seated on the top of the omnibus
beside him she said suddenly and with an air of selfchastisement regarding
the white road and its bordering bushes of hazel
»Richard I let Mr Fawley hold my hand a long while I dont know whether
you think it wrong«
He waking apparently from thoughts of far different mould said vaguely
»O did you What did you do that for«
»I dont know He wanted to and I let him«
»I hope it pleased him I should think it was hardly a novelty«
They lapsed into silence Had this been a case in the court of an omniscient
judge he might have entered on his notes the curious fact that Sue had placed
the minor for the major indiscretion and had not said a word about the kiss
After tea that evening Phillotson sat balancing the school registers She
remained in an unusually silent tense and restless condition and at last
saying she was tired went to bed early When Phillotson arrived upstairs weary
with the drudgery of the attendancenumbers it was a quarter to twelve oclock
Entering their chamber which by day commanded a view of some thirty or forty
miles over the Vale of Blackmoor and even into Outer Wessex he went to the
window and pressing his face against the pane gazed with hardbreathing
fixity into the mysterious darkness which now covered the farreaching scene He
was musing »I think« he said at last without turning his head »that I must
get the Committee to change the schoolstationer All the copybooks are sent
wrong this time«
There was no reply Thinking Sue was dozing he went on
»And there must be a rearrangement of that ventilator in the classroom
The wind blows down upon my head unmercifully and gives me the earache«
As the silence seemed more absolute than ordinarily he turned round The
heavy gloomy oak wainscot which extended over the walls upstairs and down in
the dilapidated OldGrove House and the massive chimneypiece reaching to the
ceiling stood in odd contrast to the new and shining brass bedstead and the
new suite of birch furniture that he had bought for her the two styles seeming
to nod to each other across three centuries upon the shaking floor
»Soo« he said this being the way in which he pronounced her name
She was not in the bed though she had apparently been there the clothes
on her side being flung back Thinking she might have forgotten some kitchen
detail and gone downstairs for a moment to see to it he pulled off his coat and
idled quietly enough for a few minutes when finding she did not come he went
out upon the landing candle in hand and said again »Soo«
»Yes« came back to him in her voice from the distant kitchen quarter
»What are you doing down there at midnight tiring yourself out for
nothing«
»I am not sleepy I am reading and there is a larger fire here«
He went to bed Some time in the night he awoke She was not there even
now Lighting a candle he hastily stepped out upon the landing and again called
her name
She answered »Yes« as before but the tones were small and confined and
whence they came he could not at first understand Under the staircase was a
large clothescloset without a window they seemed to come from it The door
was shut but there was no lock or other fastening Phillotson alarmed went
towards it wondering if she had suddenly become deranged
»What are you doing in there« he asked
»Not to disturb you I came here as it was so late«
»But theres no bed is there And no ventilation Why youll be suffocated
if you stay all night«
»O no I think not Dont trouble about me«
»But « Phillotson seized the knob and pulled at the door She had fastened
it inside with a piece of string which broke at his pull There being no
bedstead she had flung down some rugs and made a little nest for herself in the
very cramped quarters the closet afforded
When he looked in upon her she sprang out of her lair greateyed and
trembling
»You ought not to have pulled open the door« she cried excitedly »It is
not becoming in you O will you go away please will you«
She looked so pitiful and pleading in her white nightgown against the
shadowy lumberhole that he was quite worried She continued to beseech him not
to disturb her
He said »Ive been kind to you and given you every liberty and it is
monstrous that you should feel in this way«
»Yes« said she weeping »I know that It is wrong and wicked of me I
suppose I am very sorry But it is not I altogether that am to blame«
»Who is then Am I«
»No I dont know The universe I suppose things in general because
they are so horrid and cruel«
»Well it is no use talking like that Making a mans house so unseemly at
this time o night Eliza will hear if we dont mind« He meant the servant
»Just think if either of the parsons in this town was to see us now I hate such
eccentricities Sue Theres no order or regularity in your sentiments But I
wont intrude on you further only I would advise you not to shut the door too
tight or I shall find you stifled tomorrow«
On rising the next morning he immediately looked into the closet but Sue
had already gone downstairs There was a little nest where she had lain and
spiders webs hung overhead »What must a womans aversion be when it is
stronger than her fear of spiders« he said bitterly
He found her sitting at the breakfasttable and the meal began almost in
silence the burghers walking past upon the pavement or rather roadway
pavements being scarce here which was two or three feet above the level of the
parlour floor They nodded down to the happy couple their morning greetings as
they went on
»Richard« she said all at once »would you mind my living away from you«
»Away from me Why thats what you were doing when I married you What then
was the meaning of marrying at all«
»You wouldnt like me any the better for telling you«
»I dont object to know«
»Because I thought I could do nothing else You had got my promise a long
time before that remember Then as time went on I regretted I had promised
you and was trying to see an honourable way to break it off But as I couldnt
I became rather reckless and careless about the conventions Then you know what
scandals were spread and how I was turned out of the Training School you had
taken such time and trouble to prepare me for and get me into and this
frightened me and it seemed then that the one thing I could do would be to let
the engagement stand Of course I of all people ought not to have cared what
was said for it was just what I fancied I never did care for But I was a
coward as so many women are and my theoretic unconventionality broke down
If that had not entered into the case it would have been better to have hurt
your feelings once for all then than to marry you and hurt them all my life
after And you were so generous in never giving credit for a moment to the
rumour«
»I am bound in honesty to tell you that I weighed its probability and
inquired of your cousin about it«
»Ah« she said with pained surprise
»I didnt doubt you«
»But you inquired«
»I took his word«
Her eyes had filled »He wouldnt have inquired« she said »But you havent
answered me Will you let me go away I know how irregular it is of me to ask it
«
»It is irregular«
»But I do ask it Domestic laws should be made according to temperaments
which should be classified If people are at all peculiar in character they have
to suffer from the very rules that produce comfort in others Will you let
me«
»But we married «
»What is the use of thinking of laws and ordinances« she burst out »if
they make you miserable when you know you are committing no sin«
»But you are committing a sin in not liking me«
»I do like you But I didnt reflect it would be that it would be so much
more than that For a man and woman to live on intimate terms when one feels
as I do is adultery in any circumstances however legal There Ive said
it Will you let me Richard«
»You distress me Susanna by such importunity«
»Why cant we agree to free each other We made the compact and surely we
can cancel it not legally of course but we can morally especially as no new
interests in the shape of children have arisen to be looked after Then we
might be friends and meet without pain to either O Richard be my friend and
have pity We shall both be dead in a few years and then what will it matter to
anybody that you relieved me from constraint for a little while I daresay you
think me eccentric or supersensitive or something absurd Well why should I
suffer for what I was born to be if it doesnt hurt other people«
»But it does it hurts me And you vowed to love me«
»Yes thats it I am in the wrong I always am It is as culpable to bind
yourself to love always as to believe a creed always and as silly as to vow
always to like a particular food or drink«
»And do you mean by living away from me living by yourself«
»Well if you insisted yes But I meant living with Jude«
»As his wife«
»As I choose«
Phillotson writhed
Sue continued »She or he who lets the world or his own portion of it
choose his plan of life for him has no need of any other faculty than the
apelike one of imitation JS Mills words those are I have been reading it
up Why cant you act upon them I wish to always«
»What do I care about JS Mill« moaned he »I only want to lead a quiet
life Do you mind my saying that I have guessed what never once occurred to me
before our marriage that you were in love and are in love with Jude Fawley«
»You may go on guessing that I am since you have begun But do you suppose
that if I had been I should have asked you to let me go and live with him«
The ringing of the school bell saved Phillotson from the necessity of
replying at present to what apparently did not strike him as being such a
convincing argumentum ad verecundiam as she in her loss of courage at the last
moment meant it to appear She was beginning to be so puzzling and unstateable
that he was ready to throw in with her other little peculiarities the extremest
request which a wife could make
They proceeded to the schools that morning as usual Sue entering the
classroom where he could see the back of her head through the glass partition
whenever he turned his eyes that way As he went on giving and hearing lessons
his forehead and eyebrows twitched from concentrated agitation of thought till
at length he tore a scrap from a sheet of scribbling paper and wrote
»Your request prevents my attending to work at all I dont know what I
am doing Was it seriously made«
He folded the piece of paper very small and gave it to a little boy to take to
Sue The child toddled off into the classroom Phillotson saw his wife turn and
take the note and the bend of her pretty head as she read it her lips slightly
crisped to prevent undue expression under fire of so many young eyes He could
not see her hands but she changed her position and soon the child returned
bringing nothing in reply In a few minutes however one of Sues class
appeared with a little note similar to his own These words only were pencilled
therein
»I am sincerely sorry to say that it was seriously made«
Phillotson looked more disturbed than before and the meetingplace of his brows
twitched again In ten minutes he called up the child he had just sent to her
and despatched another missive
»God knows I dont want to thwart you in any reasonable way My whole
thought is to make you comfortable and happy But I cannot agree to such
a preposterous notion as your going to live with your lover You would
lose everybodys respect and regard and so should I«
After an interval a similar part was enacted in the classroom and an answer
came
»I know you mean my good But I dont want to be respectable To produce
Human development in its richest diversity to quote your Humboldt is
to my mind far above respectability No doubt my tastes are low in
your view hopelessly low If you wont let me go to him will you
grant me this one request allow me to live in your house in a separate
way«
To this he returned no answer
She wrote again
»I know what you think But cannot you have pity on me I beg you to I
implore you to be merciful I would not ask if I were not almost
compelled by what I cant bear No poor woman has ever wished more than
I that Eve had not fallen so that as the primitive Christians
believed some harmless mode of vegetation might have peopled Paradise
But I wont trifle Be kind to me even though I have not been kind to
you I will go away go abroad anywhere and never trouble you«
Nearly an hour passed and then he returned an answer
»I do not wish to pain you How well you know I dont Give me a little
time I am disposed to agree to your last request«
One line from her
»Thank you from my heart Richard I do not deserve your kindness«
All day Phillotson bent a dazed regard upon her through the glazed partition
and he felt as lonely as when he had not known her
But he was as good as his word and consented to her living apart in the
house At first when they met at meals she had seemed more composed under the
new arrangement but the irksomeness of their position worked on her
temperament and the fibres of her nature seemed strained like harpstrings She
talked vaguely and indiscriminately to prevent his talking pertinently
4
Phillotson was sitting up late as was often his custom trying to get together
the materials for his longneglected hobby of Roman antiquities For the first
time since reviving the subject he felt a return of his old interest in it He
forgot time and place and when he remembered himself and ascended to rest it
was nearly two oclock
His preoccupation was such that though he now slept on the other side of
the house he mechanically went to the room that he and his wife had occupied
when he first became a tenant of OldGrove Place which since his differences
with Sue had been hers exclusively He entered and unconsciously began to
undress
There was a cry from the bed and a quick movement Before the schoolmaster
had realized where he was he perceived Sue starting up halfawake staring
wildly and springing out upon the floor on the side away from him which was
towards the window This was somewhat hidden by the canopy of the bedstead and
in a moment he heard her flinging up the sash Before he had thought that she
meant to do more than get air she had mounted upon the sill and leapt out She
disappeared in the darkness and he heard her fall below
Phillotson horrified ran downstairs striking himself sharply against the
newel in his haste Opening the heavy door he ascended the two or three steps to
the level of the ground and there on the gravel before him lay a white heap
Phillotson seized it in his arms and bringing Sue into the hall seated her on a
chair where he gazed at her by the flapping light of the candle which he had
set down in the draught on the bottom stair
She had certainly not broken her neck She looked at him with eyes that
seemed not to take him in and though not particularly large in general they
appeared so now She pressed her side and rubbed her arm as if conscious of
pain then stood up averting her face in evident distress at his gaze
»Thank God you are not killed Though its not for want of trying not
much hurt I hope«
Her fall in fact had not been a serious one probably owing to the lowness
of the old rooms and to the high level of the ground without Beyond a scraped
elbow and a blow in the side she had apparently incurred little harm
»I was asleep I think« she began her pale face still turned away from
him »And something frightened me a terrible dream I thought I saw you «
The actual circumstances seemed to come back to her and she was silent
Her cloak was hanging at the back of the door and the wretched Phillotson
flung it round her »Shall I help you upstairs« he asked drearily for the
significance of all this sickened him of himself and of everything
»No thank you Richard I am very little hurt I can walk«
»You ought to lock your door« he mechanically said as if lecturing in
school »Then no one could intrude even by accident«
»I have tried it wont lock All the doors are out of order«
The aspect of things was not improved by her admission She ascended the
staircase slowly the waving light of the candle shining on her Phillotson did
not approach her or attempt to ascend himself till he heard her enter her room
Then he fastened up the front door and returning sat down on the lower stairs
holding the newel with one hand and bowing his face into the other Thus he
remained for a long long time a pitiable object enough to one who had seen
him till raising his head and sighing a sigh which seemed to say that the
business of his life must be carried on whether he had a wife or no he took
the candle and went upstairs to his lonely room on the other side of the
landing
No further incident touching the matter between them occurred till the
following evening when immediately school was over Phillotson walked out of
Shaston saying he required no tea and not informing Sue where he was going He
descended from the town level by a steep road in a northwesterly direction and
continued to move downwards till the soil changed from its white dryness to a
tough brown clay He was now on the low alluvial beds
»Where Duncliffe is the travellers mark
And cloty Stours arolling dark«
More than once he looked back in the increasing obscurity of evening Against
the sky was Shaston dimly visible
»On the greytoppd height
Of Paladore as pale day wore
Away«1
The newlit lights from its windows burnt with a steady shine as if watching
him one of which windows was his own Above it he could just discern the
pinnacled tower of Trinity Church The air down here tempered by the thick damp
bed of tenacious clay was not as it had been above but soft and relaxing so
that when he had walked a mile or two he was obliged to wipe his face with his
handkerchief
Leaving Duncliffe Hill on the left he proceeded without hesitation through
the shade as a man goes on night or day in a district over which he has
played as a boy He had walked altogether about four and a half miles
»Where Stour receives her strength
From six cleere fountains fed«2
when he crossed a tributary of the Stour and reached Leddenton a little town
of three or four thousand inhabitants where he went on to the boys school
and knocked at the door of the masters residence
A boy pupilteacher opened it and to Phillotsons inquiry if Mr Gillingham
was at home replied that he was going at once off to his own house and leaving
Phillotson to find his way in as he could He discovered his friend putting away
some books from which he had been giving evening lessons The light of the
paraffin lamp fell on Phillotsons face pale and wretched by contrast with his
friends who had a cool practical look They had been schoolmates in boyhood
and fellowstudents at Wintoncester Training College many years before this
time
»Glad to see you Dick But you dont look well Nothing the matter«
Phillotson advanced without replying and Gillingham closed the cupboard and
pulled up beside his visitor
»Why you havent been here let me see since you were married I called
you know but you were out and upon my word it is such a climb after dark that
I have been waiting till the days are longer before lumpering up again I am
glad you didnt wait however«
Though welltrained and even proficient masters they occasionally used a
dialectword of their boyhood to each other in private
»Ive come George to explain to you my reasons for taking a step that I am
about to take so that you at least will understand my motives if other people
question them anywhen as they may indeed certainly will But anything is
better than the present condition of things God forbid that you should ever
have such an experience as mine«
»Sit down You dont mean anything wrong between you and Mrs Phillotson«
»I do My wretched state is that Ive a wife I love who not only does
not love me but but Well I wont say I know her feeling I should prefer
hatred from her«
»Ssh«
»And the sad part of it is that she is not so much to blame as I She was a
pupilteacher under me as you know and I took advantage of her inexperience
and toled her out for walks and got her to agree to a long engagement before
she well knew her own mind Afterwards she saw somebody else but she blindly
fulfilled her engagement«
»Loving the other«
»Yes with a curious tender solicitude seemingly though her exact feeling
for him is a riddle to me and to him too I think possibly to herself She
is one of the oddest creatures I ever met However I have been struck with
these two facts the extraordinary sympathy or similarity between the pair He
is her cousin which perhaps accounts for some of it They seem to be one person
split in two And with her unconquerable aversion to myself as a husband even
though she may like me as a friend tis too much to bear longer She has
conscientiously struggled against it but to no purpose I cannot bear it I
cannot I cant answer her arguments she has read ten times as much as I Her
intellect sparkles like diamonds while mine smoulders like brown paper Shes
one too many for me«
»Shell get over it goodnow«
»Never It is but I wont go into it there are reasons why she never
will At last she calmly and firmly asked if she might leave me and go to him
The climax came last night when owing to my entering her room by accident she
jumped out of window so strong was her dread of me She pretended it was a
dream but that was to soothe me Now when a woman jumps out of window without
caring whether she breaks her neck or no shes not to be mistaken and this
being the case I have come to a conclusion that it is wrong to so torture a
fellowcreature any longer and I wont be the inhuman wretch to do it cost
what it may«
»What youll let her go And with her lover«
»Whom with is her matter I shall let her go with him certainly if she
wishes I know I may be wrong I know I cant logically or religiously defend
my concession to such a wish of hers or harmonize it with the doctrines I was
brought up in Only I know one thing something within me tells me I am doing
wrong in refusing her I like other men profess to hold that if a husband gets
such a socalled preposterous request from his wife the only course that can
possibly be regarded as right and proper and honourable in him is to refuse it
and put her virtuously under lock and key and murder her lover perhaps But is
that essentially right and proper and honourable or is it contemptibly mean
and selfish I dont profess to decide I simply am going to act by instinct
and let principles take care of themselves If a person who has blindly walked
into a quagmire cries for help I am inclined to give it if possible«
»But you see theres the question of neighbours and society what will
happen if everybody «
»O I am not going to be a philosopher any longer I only see whats under
my eyes«
»Well I dont agree with your instinct Dick« said Gillingham gravely »I
am quite amazed to tell the truth that such a sedate plodding fellow as you
should have entertained such a craze for a moment You said when I called that
she was puzzling and peculiar I think you are«
»Have you ever stood before a woman whom you know to be intrinsically a good
woman while she has pleaded for release been the man she has knelt to and
implored indulgence of«
»I am thankful to say I havent«
»Then I dont think you are in a position to give an opinion I have been
that man and it makes all the difference in the world if one has any manliness
or chivalry in him I had not the remotest idea living apart from women as I
have done for so many years that merely taking a woman to church and putting a
ring upon her finger could by any possibility involve one in such a daily
continuous tragedy as that now shared by her and me«
»Well I could admit some excuse for letting her leave you provided she
kept to herself But to go attended by a cavalier that makes a difference«
»Not a bit Suppose as I believe she would rather endure her present
misery than be made to promise to keep apart from him All that is a question
for herself It is not the same thing at all as the treachery of living on with
a husband and playing him false However she has not distinctly implied
living with him as wife though I think she means to And to the best of my
understanding it is not an ignoble merely animal feeling between the two that
is the worst of it because it makes me think their affection will be enduring
I did not mean to confess to you that in the first jealous weeks of my marriage
before I had come to my right mind I hid myself in the school one evening when
they were together there and I heard what they said I am ashamed of it now
though I suppose I was only exercising a legal right I found from their manner
that an extraordinary affinity or sympathy entered into their attachment
which somehow took away all flavour of grossness Their supreme desire is to be
together to share each others emotions and fancies and dreams«
»Platonic«
»Well no Shelleyan would be nearer to it They remind me of what are
their names Laon and Cythna Also of Paul and Virginia a little The more I
reflect the more entirely I am on their side«
»But if people did as you want to do thered be a general domestic
disintegration The family would no longer be the social unit«
»Yes I am all abroad I suppose« said Phillotson sadly »I was never a
very bright reasoner you remember And yet I dont see why the woman and
the children should not be the unit without the man«
»By the Lord Harry Matriarchy Does she say all this too«
»O no She little thinks I have outSued Sue in this all in the last
twelve hours«
»It will upset all received opinion hereabout Good God what will Shaston
say«
»I dont say that it wont I dont know I dont know As I say I am
only a feeler not a reasoner«
»Now« said Gillingham »let us take it quietly and have something to drink
over it« He went under the stairs and produced a bottle of ciderwine of
which they drank a rummer each »I think you are rafted and not yourself« he
continued »Do go back and make up your mind to put up with a few whims But
keep her I hear on all sides that shes a charming young thing«
»Ah yes Thats the bitterness of it Well I wont stay I have a long walk
before me«
Gillingham accompanied his friend a mile on his way and at parting
expressed his hope that this consultation singular as its subject was would be
the renewal of their old comradeship »Stick to her« were his last words flung
into the darkness after Phillotson from which his friend answered »Ay ay«
But when Phillotson was alone under the clouds of night and no sound was
audible but that of the purling tributaries of the Stour he said »So
Gillingham my friend you had no stronger arguments against it than those«
»I think she ought to be smacked and brought to her senses thats what I
think« murmured Gillingham as he walked back alone
The next morning came and at breakfast Phillotson told Sue
»You may go with whom you will I absolutely and unconditionally agree«
Having once come to this conclusion it seemed to Phillotson more and more
indubitably the true one His mild serenity at the sense that he was doing his
duty by a woman who was at his mercy almost overpowered his grief at
relinquishing her
Some days passed and the evening of their last meal together had come a
cloudy evening with wind which indeed was very seldom absent in this elevated
place How permanently it was imprinted upon his vision that look of her as she
glided into the parlour to tea a slim flexible figure a face strained from
its roundness and marked by the pallors of restless days and nights suggesting
tragic possibilities quite at variance with her times of buoyancy a trying of
this morsel and that and an inability to eat either Her nervous manner
begotten of a fear lest he should be injured by her course might have been
interpreted by a stranger as displeasure that Phillotson intruded his presence
on her for the few brief minutes that remained
»You had better have a slice of ham or an egg or something with your tea
You cant travel on a mouthful of bread and butter«
She took the slice he helped her to and they discussed as they sat trivial
questions of housekeeping such as where he would find the key of this or that
cupboard what little bills were paid and what not
»I am a bachelor by nature as you know Sue« he said in a heroic attempt
to put her at her ease »So that being without a wife will not really be irksome
to me as it might be to other men who have had one a little while I have too
this grand hobby in my head of writing The Roman Antiquities of Wessex which
will occupy all my spare hours«
»If you will send me some of the manuscript to copy at any time as you used
to I will do it with so much pleasure« she said with amenable gentleness »I
should much like to be some help to you still as a friend«
Phillotson mused and said »No I think we ought to be really separate if
we are to be at all And for this reason that I dont wish to ask you any
questions and particularly wish you not to give me information as to your
movements or even your address Now what money do you want You must have
some you know«
»O of course Richard I couldnt think of having any of your money to go
away from you with I dont want any either I have enough of my own to last me
for a long while and Jude will let me have «
»I would rather not know anything about him if you dont mind You are
free absolutely and your course is your own«
»Very well But Ill just say that I have packed only a change or two of my
own personal clothing and one or two little things besides that are my very
own I wish you would look into my trunk before it is closed Besides that I
have only a small parcel that will go into Judes portmanteau«
»Of course I shall do no such thing as examine your luggage I wish you
would take threequarters of the household furniture I dont want to be
bothered with it I have a sort of affection for a little of it that belonged to
my poor mother and father But the rest you are welcome to whenever you like to
send for it«
»That I shall never do«
»You go by the sixthirty train dont you It is now a quarter to six«
»You You dont seem very sorry I am going Richard«
»O no perhaps not«
»I like you much for how you have behaved It is a curious thing that
directly I have begun to regard you as not my husband but as my old teacher I
like you I wont be so affected as to say I love you because you know I dont
except as a friend But you do seem that to me«
Sue was for a few moments a little tearful at these reflections and then
the station omnibus came round to take her up Phillotson saw her things put on
the top handed her in and was obliged to make an appearance of kissing her as
he wished her goodbye which she quite understood and imitated From the
cheerful manner in which they parted the omnibusman had no other idea than that
she was going for a short visit
When Phillotson got back into the house he went upstairs and opened the
window in the direction the omnibus had taken Soon the noise of its wheels died
away He came down then his face compressed like that of one bearing pain he
put on his hat and went out following by the same route for nearly a mile
Suddenly turning round he came home
He had no sooner entered than the voice of his friend Gillingham greeted him
from the front room
»I could make nobody hear so finding your door open I walked in and made
myself comfortable I said I would call you remember«
»Yes I am much obliged to you Gillingham particularly for coming
tonight«
»How is Mrs «
»She is quite well She is gone just gone Thats her teacup that she
drank out of only an hour ago And thats the plate she « Phillotsons throat
got choked up and he could not go on He turned and pushed the teathings
aside
»Have you had any tea bythebye« he asked presently in a renewed voice
»No yes never mind« said Gillingham preoccupied »Gone you say she
is«
»Yes I would have died for her but I wouldnt be cruel to her in the
name of the law She is as I understand gone to join her lover What they are
going to do I cannot say Whatever it may be she has my full consent to«
There was a stability a ballast in Phillotsons pronouncement which
restrained his friends comment »Shall I leave you« he asked
»No no It is a mercy to me that you have come I have some articles to
arrange and clear away Would you help me«
Gillingham assented and having gone to the upper rooms the schoolmaster
opened drawers and began taking out all Sues things that she had left behind
and laying them in a large box »She wouldnt take all I wanted her to« he
continued »But when I made up my mind to her going to live in her own way I did
make up my mind«
»Some men would have stopped at an agreement to separate«
»Ive gone into all that and dont wish to argue it I was and am the
most oldfashioned man in the world on the question of marriage in fact I had
never thought critically about its ethics at all But certain facts stared me in
the face and I couldnt go against them«
They went on with the packing silently When it was done Phillotson closed
the box and turned the key
»There« he said »To adorn her in somebodys eyes never again in mine«
5
Fourandtwenty hours before this time Sue had written the following note to
Jude
»It is as I told you and I am leaving tomorrow evening Richard and I
thought it could be done with less obtrusiveness after dark I feel
rather frightened and therefore ask you to be sure you are on the
Melchester platform to meet me I arrive at a little to seven I know
you will of course dear Jude but I feel so timid that I cant help
begging you to be punctual He has been so very kind to me through it
all
Now to our meeting
S«
As she was carried by the omnibus further and further down from the mountain
town the single passenger that evening she regarded the receding road with a
sad face But no hesitation was apparent therein
The uptrain by which she was departing stopped by signal only To Sue it
seemed strange that such a powerful organization as a railwaytrain should be
brought to a standstill on purpose for her a fugitive from her lawful home
The twenty minutes journey drew towards its close and Sue began gathering
her things together to alight At the moment that the train came to a standstill
by the Melchester platform a hand was laid on the door and she beheld Jude He
entered the compartment promptly He had a black bag in his hand and was
dressed in the dark suit he wore on Sundays and in the evening after work
Altogether he looked a very handsome young fellow his ardent affection for her
burning in his eyes
»O Jude« She clasped his hand with both hers and her tense state caused
her to simmer over in a little succession of dry sobs »I I am so glad I get
out here«
»No I get in dear one Ive packed Besides this bag Ive only a big box
which is labelled«
»But dont I get out Arent we going to stay here«
»We couldnt possibly dont you see We are known here I at any rate am
well known Ive booked for Aldbrickham and heres your ticket for the same
place as you have only one to here«
»I thought we should have stayed here« she repeated
»It wouldnt have done at all«
»Ah Perhaps not«
»There wasnt time for me to write and say the place I had decided on
Aldbrickham is a much bigger town sixty or seventy thousand inhabitants and
nobody knows anything about us there«
»And you have given up your Cathedral work here«
»Yes It was rather sudden your message coming unexpectedly Strictly I
might have been made to finish out the week But I pleaded urgency and I was let
off I would have deserted any day at your command dear Sue I have deserted
more than that for you«
»I fear I am doing you a lot of harm Ruining your prospects of the Church
ruining your progress in your trade everything«
»The Church is no more to me Let it lie I am not to be one of
The soldiersaints who row on row
Burn upward each to his point of bliss
if any such there be My point of bliss is not upward but here«
»O I seem so bad upsetting mens courses like this« said she taking up
in her voice the emotion that had begun in his But she recovered her equanimity
by the time they had travelled a dozen miles
»He has been so good in letting me go« she resumed »And heres a note I
found on my dressing addressed to you«
»Yes Hes not an unworthy fellow« said Jude glancing at the note »And I
am ashamed of myself for hating him because he married you«
»According to the rule of womens whims I suppose I ought to suddenly love
him because he has let me go so generously and unexpectedly« she answered
smiling »But I am so cold or devoid of gratitude or so something that even
this generosity hasnt made me love him or repent or want to stay with him as
his wife although I do feel I like his largemindedness and respect him more
than ever«
»It may not work so well for us as if he had been less kind and you had run
away against his will« murmured Jude
»That I never would have done«
Judes eyes rested musingly on her face Then he suddenly kissed her and
was going to kiss her again »No only once now please Jude«
»Thats rather cruel« he answered but acquiesced »Such a strange thing
has happened to me« Jude continued after a silence »Arabella has actually
written to ask me to get a divorce from her in kindness to her she says She
wants to honestly and legally marry that man she has already married virtually
and begs me to enable her to do it«
»What have you done«
»I have agreed I thought at first I couldnt do it without getting her into
trouble about that second marriage and I dont want to injure her in any way
Perhaps shes no worse than I am after all But nobody knows about it over
here and I find it will not be a difficult proceeding at all If she wants to
start afresh I have only too obvious reasons for not hindering her«
»Then youll be free«
»Yes I shall be free«
»Where are we booked for« she asked with the discontinuity that marked her
tonight
»Aldbrickham as I said«
»But it will be very late when we get there«
»Yes I thought of that and I wired for a room for us at the Temperance
Hotel there«
»One«
»Yes one«
She looked at him »O Jude« Sue bent her forehead against the corner of the
compartment »I thought you might do it and that I was deceiving you But I
didnt mean that«
In the pause which followed Judes eyes fixed themselves with a stultified
expression on the opposite seat »Well« he said »Well«
He remained in silence and seeing how discomfited he was she put her face
against his cheek murmuring »Dont be vexed dear«
»Oh theres no harm done« he said »But I understood it like that
Is this a sudden change of mind«
»You have no right to ask me such a question and I shant answer« she
said smiling
»My dear one your happiness is more to me than anything although we seem
to verge on quarrelling so often and your will is law to me I am something
more than a mere selfish fellow I hope Have it as you wish« On reflection
his brow showed perplexity »But perhaps it is that you dont love me not that
you have become conventional Much as under your teaching I hate convention I
hope it is that not the other terrible alternative«
Even at this obvious moment for candour Sue could not be quite candid as to
the state of that mystery her heart »Put it down to my timidity« she said
with hurried evasiveness »to a womans natural timidity when the crisis comes
I may feel as well as you that I have a perfect right to live with you as you
thought from this moment I may hold the opinion that in a proper state of
society the father of a womans child will be as much a private matter of hers
as the cut of her underlinen on whom nobody will have any right to question
her But partly perhaps because it is by his generosity that I am now free I
would rather not be other than a little rigid If there had been a ropeladder
and he had run after us with pistols it would have seemed different and I may
have acted otherwise But dont press me and criticize me Jude Assume that I
havent the courage of my opinions I know I am a poor miserable creature My
nature is not so passionate as yours«
He repeated simply »I thought what I naturally thought But if we are not
lovers we are not Phillotson thought so I am sure See here is what he has
written to me« He opened the letter she had brought and read
»I make only one condition that you are tender and kind to her I know you
love her But even love may be cruel at times You are made for each other it
is obvious palpable to any unbiased older person You were all along the
shadowy third in my short life with her I repeat take care of Sue«
»Hes a good fellow isnt he« she said with latent tears On
reconsideration she added »He was very resigned to letting me go too resigned
almost I never was so near being in love with him as when he made such
thoughtful arrangements for my being comfortable on my journey and offering to
provide money Yet I was not If I loved him ever so little as a wife Id go
back to him even now«
»But you dont do you«
»It is true O so terribly true I dont«
»Nor me neither I half fear« he said pettishly »Nor anybody perhaps
Sue sometimes when I am vexed with you I think you are incapable of real
love«
»Thats not good and loyal of you« she said and drawing away from him as
far as she could looked severely out into the darkness She added in hurt
tones without turning round »My liking for you is not as some womens perhaps
But it is a delight in being with you of a supremely delicate kind and I dont
want to go further and risk it by an attempt to intensify it I quite realized
that as woman with man it was a risk to come But as me with you I resolved
to trust you to set my wishes above your gratification Dont discuss it
further dear Jude«
»Of course if it would make you reproach yourself but you do like me
very much Sue say you do Say that you do a quarter a tenth as much as I do
you and Ill be content«
»Ive let you kiss me and that tells enough«
»Just once or so«
»Well dont be a greedy boy«
He leant back and did not look at her for a long time That episode in her
past history of which she had told him of the poor Christminster graduate whom
she had handled thus returned to Judes mind and he saw himself as a possible
second in such a torturing destiny
»This is a queer elopement« he murmured »Perhaps you are making a
catspaw of me with Phillotson all this time Upon my word it almost seems so
to see you sitting up there so prim«
»Now you mustnt be angry I wont let you« she coaxed turning and moving
nearer to him »You did kiss me just now you know and I didnt dislike you to
I own it Jude Only I dont want to let you do it again just yet considering
how we are circumstanced dont you see«
He could never resist her when she pleaded as she well knew And they sat
side by side with joined hands till she aroused herself at some thought
»I cant possibly go to that Temperance Inn after your telegraphing that
message«
»Why not«
»You can see well enough«
»Very well therell be some other one open no doubt I have sometimes
thought since your marrying Phillotson because of a stupid scandal that under
the affectation of independent views you are as enslaved to the social code as
any woman I know«
»Not mentally But I havent the courage of my views as I said before I
didnt marry him altogether because of the scandal But sometimes a womans love
of being loved gets the better of her conscience and though she is agonized at
the thought of treating a man cruelly she encourages him to love her while she
doesnt love him at all Then when she sees him suffering her remorse sets in
and she does what she can to repair the wrong«
»You simply mean that you flirted outrageously with him poor old chap and
then repented and to make reparation married him though you tortured yourself
to death by doing it«
»Well if you will put it brutally it was a little like that that and
the scandal together and your concealing from me what you ought to have told
me before«
He could see that she was distressed and tearful at his criticisms and
soothed her saying »There dear dont mind Crucify me if you will You know
you are all the world to me whatever you do«
»I am very bad and unprincipled I know you think that« she said trying
to blink away her tears
»I think and know you are my dear Sue from whom neither length nor breadth
nor things present nor things to come can divide me«
Though so sophisticated in many things she was such a child in others that
this satisfied her and they reached the end of their journey on the best of
terms It was about ten oclock when they arrived at Aldbrickham the county
town of North Wessex As she would not go to the Temperance Hotel because of the
form of his telegram Jude inquired for another and a youth who volunteered to
find one wheeled their luggage to The George further on which proved to be the
inn at which Jude had stayed with Arabella on that one occasion of their meeting
after their division for years
Owing however to their now entering it by another door and to his
preoccupation he did not at first recognize the place When they had engaged
their respective rooms they went down to a late supper During Judes temporary
absence the waitingmaid spoke to Sue
»I think maam I remember your relation or friend or whatever he is
coming here once before late just like this with his wife a lady at any
rate that wasnt you by no manner of means jest as med be with you now«
»O do you« said Sue with a certain sickness of neart »Though I think you
must be mistaken How long ago was it«
»About a month or two A handsome fullfigured woman They had this room«
When Jude came back and sat down to supper Sue seemed moping and miserable
»Jude« she said to him plaintively at their parting that night upon the
landing »it is not so nice and pleasant as it used to be with us I dont like
it here I cant bear the place And I dont like you so well as I did«
»How fidgeted you seem dear Why do you change like this«
»Because it was cruel to bring me here«
»Why«
»You were lately here with Arabella There now I have said it«
»Dear me why « said Jude looking round him »Yes it is the same I
really didnt know it Sue Well it is not cruel since we have come as we
have two relations staying together«
»How long ago was it you were here Tell me tell me«
»The day before I met you in Christminster when we went back to Marygreen
together I told you I had met her«
»Yes you said you had met her but you didnt tell me all Your story was
that you had met as estranged people who were not husband and wife at all in
Heavens sight not that you had made it up with her«
»We didnt make it up« he said sadly »I cant explain Sue«
»Youve been false to me you my last hope And I shall never forget it
never«
»But by your own wish dear Sue we are only to be friends not lovers It
is so very inconsistent of you to «
»Friends can be jealous«
»I dont see that You concede nothing to me and I have to concede
everything to you After all you were on good terms with your husband at that
time«
»No I wasnt Jude O how can you think so And you have taken me in even
if you didnt intend to« She was so mortified that he was obliged to take her
into her room and close the door lest the people should hear »Was it this room
Yes it was I see by your look it was I wont have it for mine O it was
treacherous of you to have her again I jumped out of the window«
»But Sue she was after all my legal wife if not «
Slipping down on her knees Sue buried her face in the bed and wept
»I never knew such an unreasonable such a doginthemanger feeling« said
Jude »I am not to approach you nor anybody else«
»O dont you understand my feeling Why dont you Why are you so gross I
jumped out of the window«
»Jumped out of window«
»I cant explain«
It was true that he did not understand her feeling very well But he did a
little and began to love her none the less
»I I thought you cared for nobody desired nobody in the world but me at
that time and ever since« continued Sue
»It is true I did not and dont now« said Jude as distressed as she
»But you must have thought much of her Or «
»No I need not you dont understand me either women never do Why
should you get into such a tantrum about nothing«
Looking up from the quilt she pouted provokingly »If it hadnt been for
that perhaps I would have gone on to the Temperance Hotel after all as you
proposed for I was beginning to think I did belong to you«
»O it is of no consequence« said Jude distantly
»I thought of course that she had never been really your wife since she
left you of her own accord years and years ago My sense of it was that a
parting such as yours from her and mine from him ended the marriage«
»I cant say more without speaking against her and I dont want to do
that« said he »Yet I must tell you one thing which would settle the matter in
any case She has married another man really married him I knew nothing about
it till after the visit we made here«
»Married another It is a crime as the world treats it but does not
believe«
»There now you are yourself again Yes it is a crime as you dont hold
but would fearfully concede But I shall never inform against her and it is
evidently a prick of conscience in her that has led her to urge me to get a
divorce that she may remarry this man legally So you perceive I shall not be
likely to see her again«
»And you didnt really know anything of this when you saw her« said Sue
more gently as she rose
»I did not Considering all things I dont think you ought to be angry
darling«
»I am not But I shant go to the Temperance Hotel«
He laughed »Never mind« he said »So that I am near you I am
comparatively happy It is more than this earthly wretch called Me deserves
you spirit you disembodied creature you dear sweet tantalizing phantom
hardly flesh at all so that when I put my arms round you I almost expect them
to pass through you as through air Forgive me for being gross as you call it
Remember that our calling cousins when really strangers was a snare The enmity
of our parents gave a piquancy to you in my eyes that was intenser even than the
novelty of ordinary new acquaintance«
»Say those pretty lines then from Shelleys Epipsychidion as if they meant
me« she solicited slanting up closer to him as they stood »Dont you know
them«
»I know hardly any poetry« he replied mournfully
»Dont you These are some of them
»There was a Being whom my spirit oft
Met on its visioned wanderings far aloft
A seraph of Heaven too gentle to be human
Veiling beneath that radiant form of woman«
O it is too flattering so I wont go on But say its me say its me«
»It is you dear exactly like you«
»Now I forgive you And you shall kiss me just once there not very long«
She put the tip of her finger gingerly to her cheek and he did as commanded
»You do care for me very much dont you in spite of my not you know«
»Yes sweet« he said with a sigh and bade her goodnight
6
In returning to his native town of Shaston as schoolmaster Phillotson had won
the interest and awakened the memories of the inhabitants who though they did
not honour him for his miscellaneous acquirements as he would have been honoured
elsewhere retained for him a sincere regard When shortly after his arrival
he brought home a pretty wife awkwardly pretty for him if he did not take
care they said they were glad to have her settle among them
For some time after her flight from that home Sues absence did not excite
comment Her place as monitor in the school was taken by another young woman
within a few days of her vacating it which substitution also passed without
remark Sues services having been of a provisional nature only When however
a month had passed and Phillotson casually admitted to acquaintance that he did
not know where his wife was staying curiosity began to be aroused till
jumping to conclusions people ventured to affirm that Sue had played him false
and run away from him The schoolmasters growing languor and listlessness over
his work gave countenance to the idea
Though Phillotson had held his tongue as long as he could except to his
friend Gillingham his honesty and directness would not allow him to do so when
misapprehensions as to Sues conduct spread abroad On a Monday morning the
chairman of the School Committee called and after attending to the business of
the school drew Phillotson aside out of earshot of the children
»Youll excuse my asking Phillotson since everybody is talking of it is
this true as to your domestic affairs that your wifes going away was on no
visit but a secret elopement with a lover If so I condole with you«
»Dont« said Phillotson »There was no secret about it«
»She has gone to visit friends«
»No«
»Then what has happened«
»She has gone away under circumstances that usually call for condolence with
the husband But I gave my consent«
The chairman looked as if he had not apprehended the remark
»What I say is quite true« Phillotson continued testily »She asked leave
to go away with her lover and I let her Why shouldnt I A woman of full age
it was a question for her own conscience not for me I was not her gaoler I
cant explain any further I dont wish to be questioned«
The children observed that much seriousness marked the faces of the two men
and went home and told their parents that something new had happened about Mrs
Phillotson Then Phillotsons little maidservant who was a schoolgirl just out
of her standards said that Mr Phillotson had helped in his wifes packing had
offered her what money she required and had written a friendly letter to her
young man telling him to take care of her The chairman of committee thought
the matter over and talked to the other managers of the school till a request
came to Phillotson to meet them privately The meeting lasted a long time and
at the end the schoolmaster came home looking as usual pale and worn
Gillingham was sitting in his house awaiting him
»Well it is as you said« observed Phillotson flinging himself down
wearily in a chair »They have requested me to send in my resignation on account
of my scandalous conduct in giving my tortured wife her liberty or as they
call it condoning her adultery But I shant resign«
»I think I would
I wont It is no business of theirs It doesnt affect me in my public
capacity at all They may expel me if they like«
»If you make a fuss it will get into the papers and youll never get
appointed to another school You see they have to consider what you did as done
by a teacher of youth and its effects as such upon the morals of the town
and to ordinary opinion your position is indefensible You must let me say
that«
To this good advice however Phillotson would not listen
»I dont care« he said »I dont go unless I am turned out And for this
reason that by resigning I acknowledge I have acted wrongly by her when I am
more and more convinced every day that in the sight of Heaven and by all
natural straightforward humanity I have acted rightly«
Gillingham saw that his rather headstrong friend would not be able to
maintain such a position as this but he said nothing further and in due time
indeed in a quarter of an hour the formal letter of dismissal arrived the
managers having remained behind to write it after Phillotsons withdrawal The
latter replied that he should not accept dismissal and called a public meeting
which he attended although he looked so weak and ill that his friend implored
him to stay at home When he stood up to give his reasons for contesting the
decision of the managers he advanced them firmly as he had done to his friend
and contended moreover that the matter was a domestic theory which did not
concern them This they overruled insisting that the private eccentricities of
a teacher came quite within their sphere of control as it touched the morals of
those he taught Phillotson replied that he did not see how an act of natural
charity could injure morals
All the respectable inhabitants and welltodo fellownatives of the town
were against Phillotson to a man But somewhat to his surprise some dozen or
more champions rose up in his defence as from the ground
It has been stated that Shaston was the anchorage of a curious and
interesting group of itinerants who frequented the numerous fairs and markets
held up and down Wessex during the summer and autumn months Although Phillotson
had never spoken to one of these gentlemen they now nobly led the forlorn hope
in his defence The body included two cheapjacks a shootinggallery proprietor
and the ladies who loaded the guns a pair of boxingmasters a steamroundabout
manager two travelling broommakers who called themselves widows a
gingerbreadstall keeper a swingboat owner and a testyourstrength man
This generous phalanx of supporters and a few others of independent
judgment whose own domestic experiences had been not without vicissitude came
up and warmly shook hands with Phillotson after which they expressed their
thoughts so strongly to the meeting that issue was joined the result being a
general scuffle wherein a blackboard was split three panes of the
schoolwindows were broken an inkbottle was spilled over a towncouncillors
shirtfront a churchwarden was dealt such a topper with the map of Palestine
that his head went right through Samaria and many black eyes and bleeding noses
were given one of which to everybodys horror was the venerable incumbents
owing to the zeal of an emancipated chimneysweep who took the side of
Phillotsons party When Phillotson saw the blood running down the rectors face
he deplored almost in groans the untoward and degrading circumstances regretted
that he had not resigned when called upon and went home so ill that next
morning he could not leave his bed
The farcical yet melancholy event was the beginning of a serious illness for
him and he lay in his lonely bed in the pathetic state of mind of a middleaged
man who perceives at length that his life intellectual and domestic is tending
to failure and gloom Gillingham came to see him in the evenings and on one
occasion mentioned Sues name
»She doesnt care anything about me« said Phillotson »Why should she«
»She doesnt know you are ill«
»So much the better for both of us«
»Where are her lover and she living«
»At Melchester I suppose at least he was living there some time ago«
When Gillingham reached home he sat and reflected and at last wrote an
anonymous line to Sue on the bare chance of its reaching her the letter being
enclosed in an envelope addressed to Jude at the diocesan capital Arriving at
that place it was forwarded to Marygreen in North Wessex and thence to
Aldbrickham by the only person who knew his present address the widow who had
nursed his aunt
Three days later in the evening when the sun was going down in splendour
over the lowlands of Blackmoor and making the Shaston windows like tongues of
fire to the eyes of the rustics in that Vale the sick man fancied that he heard
somebody come to the house and a few minutes after there was a tap at the
bedroom door Phillotson did not speak the door was hesitatingly opened and
there entered Sue
She was in light spring clothing and her advent seemed ghostly like the
flitting in of a moth He turned his eyes upon her and flushed but appeared to
check his primary impulse to speak
»I have no business here« she said bending her frightened face to him
»But I heard you were ill very ill and and as I know that you recognize
other feelings between man and woman than physical love I have come«
»I am not very ill my dear friend Only unwell«
»I didnt know that and I am afraid that only a severe illness would have
justified my coming«
»Yes yes And I almost wish you had not come It is a little too soon
thats all I mean Still let us make the best of it You havent heard about
the school I suppose«
»No what about it«
»Only that I am going away from here to another place The managers and I
dont agree and we are going to part thats all«
Sue did not for a moment either now or later suspect what troubles had
resulted to him from letting her go it never once seemed to cross her mind and
she had received no news whatever from Shaston They talked on slight and
ephemeral subjects and when his tea was brought up he told the amazed little
servant that a cup was to be set for Sue That young person was much more
interested in their history than they supposed and as she descended the stairs
she lifted her eyes and hands in grotesque amazement While they sipped Sue went
to the window and thoughtfully said »It is such a beautiful sunset Richard«
»They are mostly beautiful from here owing to the rays crossing the mist of
the Vale But I lose them all as they dont shine into this gloomy corner where
I lie«
»Wouldnt you like to see this particular one It is like heaven opened«
»Ah yes But I cant«
»Ill help you to«
»No the bedstead cant be shifted«
»But see how I mean«
She went to where a swingglass stood and taking it in her hands carried it
to a spot by the window where it could catch the sunshine moving the glass till
the beams were reflected into Phillotsons face
»There you can see the great red sun now« she said »And I am sure it
will cheer you I do so hope it will« She spoke with a childlike repentant
kindness as if she could not do too much for him
Phillotson smiled sadly »You are an odd creature« he murmured as the sun
glowed in his eyes »The idea of your coming to see me after what has passed«
»Dont let us go back upon that« she said quickly »I have to catch the
omnibus for the train as Jude doesnt know I have come he was out when I
started so I must return home almost directly Richard I am so very glad you
are better You dont hate me do you You have been such a kind friend to me«
»I am glad to know you think so« said Phillotson huskily »No I dont hate
you«
It grew dusk quickly in the gloomy room during their intermittent chat and
when candles were brought and it was time to leave she put her hand in his or
rather allowed it to flit through his for she was significantly light in touch
She had nearly closed the door when he said »Sue« He had noticed that in
turning away from him tears were on her face and a quiver in her lip
It was bad policy to recall her he knew it while he pursued it But he
could not help it She came back
»Sue« he murmured »do you wish to make it up and stay Ill forgive you
and condone everything«
»O you cant you cant« she said hastily »You cant condone it now«
»He is your husband now in effect you mean of course«
»You may assume it He is obtaining a divorce from his wife Arabella«
»His wife It is altogether news to me that he has a wife«
»It was a bad marriage«
»Like yours«
»Like mine He is not doing it so much on his own account as on hers She
wrote and told him it would be a kindness to her since then she could marry and
live respectably And Jude has agreed«
»A wife A kindness to her Ah yes a kindness to her to release her
altogether But I dont like the sound of it I can forgive Sue«
»No no You cant have me back now I have been so wicked as to do what I
have done«
There had arisen in Sues face that incipient fright which showed itself
whenever he changed from friend to husband and which made her adopt any line of
defence against marital feeling in him »I must go now Ill come again may
I«
»I dont ask you to go even now I ask you to stay«
»I thank you Richard but I must As you are not so ill as I thought I
cannot stay«
»Shes his his from lips to heel« said Phillotson but so faintly that in
closing the door she did not hear it The dread of a reactionary change in the
schoolmasters sentiments coupled perhaps with a faint shamefacedness at
letting even him know what a slipshod lack of thoroughness from a mans point
of view characterized her transferred allegiance prevented her telling him of
her thus far incomplete relations with Jude and Phillotson lay writhing like
a man in hell as he pictured the prettily dressed maddening compound of
sympathy and averseness who bore his name returning impatiently to the home of
her lover
Gillingham was so interested in Phillotsons affairs and so seriously
concerned about him that he walked up the hillside to Shaston two or three
times a week although there and back it was a journey of nine miles which
had to be performed between tea and supper after a hard days work in school
When he called on the next occasion after Sues visit his friend was downstairs
and Gillingham noticed that his restless mood had been supplanted by a more
fixed and composed one
»Shes been here since you called last« said Phillotson
»Not Mrs Phillotson«
»Yes«
»Ah You have made it up«
»No She just came patted my pillow with her little white hand played
the thoughtful nurse for halfanhour and went away«
»Well Im hanged A little hussy«
»What do you say«
»O nothing«
»What do you mean«
»I mean what a tantalizing capricious little woman If she were not your
wife «
»She is not shes another mans except in name and law And I have been
thinking it was suggested to me by a conversation I had with her that in
kindness to her I ought to dissolve the legal tie altogether which singularly
enough I think I can do now she has been back and refused my request to stay
after I said I had forgiven her I believe that fact would afford me opportunity
of doing it though I did not see it at the moment Whats the use of keeping
her chained on to me if she doesnt belong to me I know I feel absolutely
certain that she would welcome my taking such a step as the greatest charity
to her For though as a fellowcreature she sympathizes with and pities me and
even weeps for me as a husband she cannot endure me she loathes me theres
no use in mincing words she loathes me and my only manly and dignified and
merciful course is to complete what I have begun And for worldly reasons
too it will be better for her to be independent I have hopelessly ruined my
prospects because of my decision as to what was best for us though she does not
know it I see only dire poverty ahead from my feet to the grave for I can be
accepted as teacher no more I shall probably have enough to do to make both
ends meet during the remainder of my life now my occupations gone and I shall
be better able to bear it alone I may as well tell you that what has suggested
my letting her go is some news she brought me the news that Fawley is doing
the same«
»O he had a spouse too A queer couple these lovers«
»Well I dont want your opinion on that What I was going to say is that
my liberating her can do her no possible harm and will open up a chance of
happiness for her which she has never dreamt of hitherto For then theyll be
able to marry as they ought to have done at first«
Gillingham did not hurry to reply »I may disagree with your motive« he
said gently for he respected views he could not share »But I think you are
right in your determination if you can carry it out I doubt however if you
can«
Part Fifth
»Thy aerial part and all the fiery parts which are mingled in thee
though by nature they have an upward tendency still in obedience to
the disposition of the universe they are overpowered here in the
compound mass the body«
M Antoninus Long
At Aldbrickham and Elsewhere
1
How Gillinghams doubts were disposed of will most quickly appear by passing
over the series of dreary months and incidents that followed the events of the
last chapter and coming on to a Sunday in the February of the year following
Sue and Jude were living in Aldbrickham in precisely the same relations
that they had established between themselves when she left Shaston to join him
the year before The proceedings in the LawCourts had reached their
consciousness but as a distant sound and an occasional missive which they
hardly understood
They had met as usual to breakfast together in the little house with
Judes name on it that he had taken at fifteen pounds a year with
threepoundsten extra for rates and taxes and furnished with his aunts
ancient and lumbering goods which had cost him about their full value to bring
all the way from Marygreen Sue kept house and managed everything
As he entered the room this morning Sue held up a letter she had just
received
»Well and what is it about« he said after kissing her
»That the decree nisi in the case of Phillotson versus Phillotson and
Fawley pronounced six months ago has just been made absolute«
»Ah« said Jude as he sat down
The same concluding incident in Judes suit against Arabella had occurred
about a month or two earlier Both cases had been too insignificant to be
reported in the papers further than by name in a long list of other undefended
cases
»Now then Sue at any rate you can do what you like« He looked at his
sweetheart curiously
»Are we you and I just as free now as if we had never married at all«
»Just as free except I believe that a clergyman may object personally to
remarry you and hand the job on to somebody else«
»But I wonder do you think it is really so with us I know it is
generally But I have an uncomfortable feeling that my freedom has been obtained
under false pretences«
»How«
»Well if the truth about us had been known the decree wouldnt have been
pronounced It is only is it because we have made no defence and have led
them into a false supposition Therefore is my freedom lawful however proper it
may be«
»Well why did you let it be under false pretences You have only yourself
to blame« he said mischievously
»Jude dont You ought not to be touchy about that still You must take me
as I am«
»Very well darling so I will Perhaps you were right As to your question
we were not obliged to prove anything That was their business Anyhow we are
living together«
»Yes Though not in their sense«
»One thing is certain that however the decree may be brought about a
marriage is dissolved when it is dissolved There is this advantage in being
poor obscure people like us that these things are done for us in a rough and
ready fashion It was the same with me and Arabella I was afraid her criminal
second marriage would have been discovered and she punished but nobody took
any interest in her nobody inquired nobody suspected it If wed been
patented nobilities we should have had infinite trouble and days and weeks
would have been spent in investigations«
By degrees Sue acquired her lovers cheerfulness at the sense of freedom
and proposed that they should take a walk in the fields even if they had to put
up with a cold dinner on account of it Jude agreed and Sue went upstairs and
prepared to start putting on a joyful coloured gown in observance of her
liberty seeing which Jude put on a lighter tie
»Now well strut arm and arm« he said »like any other engaged couple
Weve a legal right to«
They rambled out of the town and along a path over the lowlying lands that
bordered it though these were frosty now and the extensive seedfields were
bare of colour and produce The pair however were so absorbed in their own
situation that their surroundings were little in their consciousness
»Well my dearest the result of all this is that we can marry after a
decent interval«
»Yes I suppose we can« said Sue without enthusiasm
»And arent we going to«
»I dont like to say no dear Jude but I feel just the same about it now as
I have done all along I have just the same dread lest an iron contract should
extinguish your tenderness for me and mine for you as it did between our
unfortunate parents«
»Still what can we do I do love you as you know Sue«
»I know it abundantly But I think I would much rather go on living always
as lovers as we are living now and only meeting by day It is so much sweeter
for the woman at least and when she is sure of the man And henceforward we
neednt be so particular as we have been about appearances«
»Our experiences of matrimony with others have not been encouraging I own«
said he with some gloom »either owing to our own dissatisfied unpractical
natures or by our misfortune But we two «
»Should be two dissatisfied ones linked together which would be twice as
bad as before I think I should begin to be afraid of you Jude the moment
you had contracted to cherish me under a Government stamp and I was licensed to
be loved on the premises by you Ugh how horrible and sordid Although as you
are free I trust you more than any other man in the world«
»No no dont say I should change« he expostulated yet there was
misgiving in his own voice also
»Apart from ourselves and our unhappy peculiarities it is foreign to a
mans nature to go on loving a person when he is told that he must and shall be
that persons lover There would be a much likelier chance of his doing it if he
were told not to love If the marriage ceremony consisted in an oath and signed
contract between the parties to cease loving from that day forward in
consideration of personal possession being given and to avoid each others
society as much as possible in public there would be more loving couples than
there are now Fancy the secret meetings between the perjuring husband and wife
the denials of having seen each other the clambering in at bedroom windows and
the hiding in closets Thered be little cooling then«
»Yes but admitting this or something like it to be true you are not the
only one in the world to see it dear little Sue People go on marrying because
they cant resist natural forces although many of them may know perfectly well
that they are possibly buying a months pleasure with a lifes discomfort No
doubt my father and mother and your father and mother saw it if they at all
resembled us in habits of observation But then they went and married just the
same because they had ordinary passions But you Sue are such a phantasmal
bodiless creature one who if youll allow me to say it has so little animal
passion in you that you can act upon reason in the matter when we poor
unfortunate wretches of grosser substance cant«
»Well« she sighed »youve owned that it would probably end in misery for
us And I am not so exceptional a woman as you think Fewer women like marriage
than you suppose only they enter into it for the dignity it is assumed to
confer and the social advantages it gains them sometimes a dignity and an
advantage that I am quite willing to do without«
Jude fell back upon his old complaint that intimate as they were he had
never once had from her an honest candid declaration that she loved or could
love him »I really fear sometimes that you cannot« he said with a dubiousness
approaching anger »And you are so reticent I know that women are taught by
other women that they must never admit the full truth to a man But the highest
form of affection is based on full sincerity on both sides Not being men these
women dont know that in looking back on those he has had tender relations with
a mans heart returns closest to her who was the soul of truth in her conduct
The better class of man even if caught by airy affectations of dodging and
parrying is not retained by them A Nemesis attends the woman who plays the
game of elusiveness too often in the utter contempt for her that sooner or
later her old admirers feel under which they allow her to go unlamented to her
grave«
Sue who was regarding the distance had acquired a guilty look and she
suddenly replied in a tragic voice »I dont think I like you today so well as
I did Jude«
»Dont you Why«
»O well you are not nice too sermony Though I suppose I am so bad and
worthless that I deserve the utmost rigour of lecturing«
»No you are not bad You are a dear But as slippery as an eel when I want
to get a confession from you«
»O yes I am bad and obstinate and all sorts It is no use your pretending
I am not People who are good dont want scolding as I do But now that I
have nobody but you and nobody to defend me it is very hard that I mustnt
have my own way in deciding how Ill live with you and whether Ill be married
or no«
»Sue my own comrade and sweetheart I dont want to force you either to
marry or to do the other thing of course I dont It is too wicked of you to
be so pettish Now we wont say any more about it and go on just the same as we
have done and during the rest of our walk well talk of the meadows only and
the floods and the prospect of the farmers this coming year«
After this the subject of marriage was not mentioned by them for several
days though living as they were with only a landing between them it was
constantly in their minds Sue was assisting Jude very materially now he had
latterly occupied himself on his own account in working and lettering
headstones which he kept in a little yard at the back of his little house
where in the intervals of domestic duties she marked out the letters full size
for him and blacked them in after he had cut them It was a lower class of
handicraft than were his former performances as a cathedral mason and his only
patrons were the poor people who lived in his own neighbourhood and knew what a
cheap man this Jude Fawley Monumental Mason as he called himself on his front
door was to employ for the simple memorials they required for their dead But
he seemed more independent than before and it was the only arrangement under
which Sue who particularly wished to be no burden on him could render any
assistance
2
It was an evening at the end of the month and Jude had just returned home from
hearing a lecture on ancient history in the public hall not far off When he
entered Sue who had been keeping indoors during his absence laid out supper
for him Contrary to custom she did not speak Jude had taken up some
illustrated paper which he perused till raising his eyes he saw that her face
was troubled
»Are you depressed Sue« he said
She paused a moment »I have a message for you« she answered
»Somebody has called«
»Yes A woman« Sues voice quavered as she spoke and she suddenly sat down
from her preparations laid her hands in her lap and looked into the fire »I
dont know whether I did right or not« she continued »I said you were not at
home and when she said she would wait I said I thought you might not be able
to see her«
»Why did you say that dear I suppose she wanted a headstone Was she in
mourning«
»No She wasnt in mourning and she didnt want a headstone and I thought
you couldnt see her« Sue looked critically and imploringly at him
»But who was she Didnt she say«
»No She wouldnt give her name But I know who she was I think I do It
was Arabella«
»Heaven save us What should Arabella come for What made you think it was
she«
»O I can hardly tell But I know it was I feel perfectly certain it was
by the light in her eyes as she looked at me She was a fleshy coarse woman«
»Well I should not have called Arabella coarse exactly except in speech
though she may be getting so by this time under the duties of the publichouse
She was rather handsome when I knew her«
»Handsome But yes so she is«
»I think I heard a quiver in your little mouth Well waiving that as she
is nothing to me and virtuously married to another man why should she come
troubling us«
»Are you sure shes married Have you definite news of it«
»No not definite news But that was why she asked me to release her She
and the man both wanted to lead a proper life as I understood«
»O Jude it was it was Arabella« cried Sue covering her eyes with her
hand »And I am so miserable It seems such an illomen whatever she may have
come for You could not possibly see her could you«
»I dont really think I could It would be so very painful to talk to her
now for her as much as for me However shes gone Did she say she would come
again«
»No But she went away very reluctantly«
Sue whom the least thing upset could not eat any supper and when Jude had
finished his he prepared to go to bed He had no sooner raked out the fire
fastened the doors and got to the top of the stairs than there came a knock
Sue instantly emerged from her room which she had but just entered
»There she is again« Sue whispered in appalled accents
»How do you know«
»She knocked like that last time«
They listened and the knocking came again No servant was kept in the
house and if the summons were to be responded to one of them would have to do
it in person »Ill open a window« said Jude »Whoever it is cannot be expected
to be let in at this time«
He accordingly went into his bedroom and lifted the sash The lonely street of
early retiring workpeople was empty from end to end save of one figure that of
a woman walking up and down by the lamp a few yards off
»Whos there« he asked
»Is that Mr Fawley« came up from the woman in a voice which was
unmistakably Arabellas
Jude replied that it was
»Is it she« asked Sue from the door with lips apart
»Yes dear« said Jude »What do you want Arabella« he inquired
»I beg your pardon Jude for disturbing you« said Arabella humbly »But I
called earlier I wanted particularly to see you tonight if I could I am in
trouble and have nobody to help me«
»In trouble are you«
»Yes«
There was a silence An inconvenient sympathy seemed to be rising in Judes
breast at the appeal »But arent you married« he said
Arabella hesitated »No Jude I am not« she returned »He wouldnt after
all And I am in great difficulty I hope to get another situation as barmaid
soon But it takes time and I really am in great distress because of a sudden
responsibility thats been sprung upon me from Australia or I wouldnt trouble
you believe me I wouldnt I want to tell you about it«
Sue remained at gaze in painful tension hearing every word but speaking
none
»You are not really in want of money Arabella« he asked in a distinctly
softened tone
»I have enough to pay for the nights lodging I have obtained but barely
enough to take me back again«
»Where are you living«
»In London still« She was about to give the address but she said »I am
afraid somebody may hear so I dont like to call out particulars of myself so
loud If you could come down and walk a little way with me towards the Prince
Inn where I am staying tonight I would explain all You may as well for old
times sake«
»Poor thing I must do her the kindness of hearing whats the matter I
suppose« said Jude in much perplexity »As shes going back tomorrow it cant
make much difference«
»But you can go and see her tomorrow Jude Dont go now Jude« came in
plaintive accents from the doorway »O it is only to entrap you I know it is
as she did before Dont dont go dear She is such a lowpassioned woman I
can see it in her shape and hear it in her voice«
»But I shall go« said Jude »Dont attempt to detain me Sue God knows I
love her little enough now but I dont want to be cruel to her« He turned to
the stairs
»But shes not your wife« cried Sue distractedly »And I «
»And you are not either dear yet« said Jude
»O but are you going to her Dont Stay at home Please please stay at
home Jude and not go to her now shes not your wife any more than I«
»Well she is rather more than you come to that« he said taking his hat
determinedly »Ive wanted you to be and Ive waited with the patience of Job
and I dont see that Ive got anything by my selfdenial I shall certainly give
her something and hear what it is she is so anxious to tell me no man could do
less«
There was that in his manner which she knew it would be futile to oppose
She said no more but turning to her room as meekly as a martyr heard him go
downstairs unbolt the door and close it behind him With a womans disregard
of her dignity when in the presence of nobody but herself she also trotted
down sobbing articulately as she went She listened She knew exactly how far
it was to the inn that Arabella had named as her lodging It would occupy about
seven minutes to get there at an ordinary walking pace seven to come back
again If he did not return in fourteen minutes he would have lingered She
looked at the clock It was twentyfive minutes to eleven He might enter the
inn with Arabella as they would reach it before closing time she might get him
to drink with her and Heaven only knew what disasters would befall him then
In a still suspense she waited on It seemed as if the whole time had nearly
elapsed when the door was opened again and Jude appeared
Sue gave a little ecstatic cry »O I knew I could trust you how good you
are» she began
»I cant find her anywhere in this street and I went out in my slippers
only She has walked on thinking Ive been so hardhearted as to refuse her
requests entirely poor woman Ive come back for my boots as it is beginning
to rain«
»O but why should you take such trouble for a woman who has served you so
badly« said Sue in a jealous burst of disappointment
»But Sue shes a woman and I once cared for her and one cant be a brute
in such circumstances«
»She isnt your wife any longer« exclaimed Sue passionately excited »You
mustnt go out to find her It isnt right You cant join her now shes a
stranger to you How can you forget such a thing my dear dear one«
»She seems much the same as ever an erring careless unreflecting
fellowcreature« he said continuing to pull on his boots »What those legal
fellows have been playing at in London makes no difference in my real relations
to her If she was my wife while she was away in Australia with another husband
shes my wife now«
»But she wasnt Thats just what I hold Theres the absurdity Well
youll come straight back after a few minutes wont you dear She is too low
too coarse for you to talk to long Jude and was always«
»Perhaps I am coarse too worse luck I have the germs of every human
infirmity in me I verily believe that was why I saw it was so preposterous of
me to think of being a curate I have cured myself of drunkenness I think but I
never know in what new form a suppressed vice will break out in me I do love
you Sue though I have danced attendance on you so long for such poor returns
All thats best and noblest in me loves you and your freedom from everything
thats gross has elevated me and enabled me to do what I should never have
dreamt myself capable of or any man a year or two ago It is all very well to
preach about selfcontrol and the wickedness of coercing a woman But I should
just like a few virtuous people who have condemned me in the past about
Arabella and other things to have been in my tantalizing position with you
through these late weeks theyd believe I think that I have exercised some
little restraint in always giving in to your wishes living here in one house
and not a soul between us«
»Yes you have been good to me Jude I know you have my dear protector«
»Well Arabella has appealed to me for help I must go out and speak to
her Sue at least«
»I cant say any more O if you must you must« she said bursting out
into sobs that seemed to tear her heart »I have nobody but you Jude and you
are deserting me I didnt know you were like this I cant bear it I cant
If she were yours it would be different«
»Or if you were«
»Very well then if I must I must Since you will have it so I agree I
will be Only I didnt mean to And I didnt want to marry again either
But yes I agree I agree I do love you I ought to have known that you would
conquer in the long run living like this«
She ran across and flung her arms round his neck »I am not a coldnatured
sexless creature am I for keeping you at such a distance I am sure you dont
think so Wait and see I do belong to you dont I I give in«
»And Ill arrange for our marriage tomorrow or as soon as ever you wish«
»Yes Jude«
»Then Ill let her go« said he embracing Sue softly »I do feel that it
would be unfair to you to see her and perhaps unfair to her She is not like
you my darling and never was it is only bare justice to say that Dont cry
any more There and there and there« He kissed her on one side and on the
other and in the middle and rebolted the front door
The next morning it was wet
»Now dear« said Jude gaily at breakfast »as this is Saturday I mean to
call about the banns at once so as to get the first publishing done tomorrow
or we shall lose a week Banns will do We shall save a pound or two«
Sue absently agreed to banns But her mind for the moment was running on
something else A glow had passed away from her and depression sat upon her
features
»I feel I was wickedly selfish last night« she murmured »It was sheer
unkindness in me or worse to treat Arabella as I did I didnt care about
her being in trouble and what she wished to tell you Perhaps it was really
something she was justified in telling you Thats some more of my badness I
suppose Love has its own dark morality when rivalry enters in at least mine
has if other peoples hasnt I wonder how she got on I hope she reached
the inn all right poor woman«
»O yes she got on all right« said Jude placidly
»I hope she wasnt shut out and that she hadnt to walk the streets in the
rain Do you mind my putting on my waterproof and going to see if she got in
Ive been thinking of her all the morning«
»Well is it necessary You havent the least idea how Arabella is able to
shift for herself Still darling if you want to go and inquire you can«
There was no limit to the strange and unnecessary penances which Sue would
meekly undertake when in a contrite mood and this going to see all sorts of
extraordinary persons whose relation to her was precisely of a kind that would
have made other people shun them was her instinct ever so that the request did
not surprise him
»And when you come back« he added »Ill be ready to go about the banns
Youll come with me«
Sue agreed and went off under cloak and umbrella letting Jude kiss her
freely and returning his kisses in a way she had never done before Times had
decidedly changed »The little bird is caught at last« she said a sadness
showing in her smile
»No only nested« he assured her
She walked along the muddy street till she reached the publichouse
mentioned by Arabella which was not so very far off She was informed that
Arabella had not yet left and in doubt how to announce herself so that her
predecessor in Judes affections would recognize her she sent up word that a
friend from Spring Street had called naming the place of Judes residence She
was asked to step upstairs and on being shown into a room found that it was
Arabellas bedroom and that the latter had not yet risen She halted on the
turn of her toe till Arabella cried from the bed »Come in and shut the door«
which Sue accordingly did
Arabella lay facing the window and did not at once turn her head and Sue
was wicked enough despite her penitence to wish for a moment that Jude could
behold her forerunner now with the daylight full upon her She may have seemed
handsome enough in profile under the lamps but a frowsiness was apparent this
morning and the sight of her own fresh charms in the lookingglass made Sues
manner bright till she reflected what a meanly sexual emotion this was in her
and hated herself for it
»Ive just looked in to see if you got back comfortably last night thats
all« she said gently »I was afraid afterwards that you might have met with any
mishap«
»O how stupid this is I thought my visitor was your friend your
husband Mrs Fawley as I suppose you call yourself« said Arabella flinging
her head back upon the pillows with a disappointed toss and ceasing to retain
the dimple she had just taken the trouble to produce
»Indeed I dont« said Sue
»O I thought you might have even if hes not really yours Decency is
decency any hour of the twentyfour«
»I dont know what you mean« said Sue stiffly »He is mine if you come to
that«
»He wasnt yesterday«
Sue coloured roseate and said »How do you know«
»From your manner when you talked to me at the door Well my dear youve
been quick about it and I expect my visit last night helped it on haha But
I dont want to get him away from you«
Sue looked out at the rain and at the dirty toiletcover and at the
detached tail of Arabellas hair hanging on the lookingglass just as it had
done in Judes time and wished she had not come In the pause there was a knock
at the door and the chambermaid brought in a telegram for Mrs Cartlett
Arabella opened it as she lay and her ruffled look disappeared
»I am much obliged to you for your anxiety about me« she said blandly when
the maid had gone »but it is not necessary you should feel it My man finds he
cant do without me after all and agrees to stand by the promise to marry again
over here that he has made me all along See here This is in answer to one from
me« She held out the telegram for Sue to read but Sue did not take it »He
asks me to come back His little corner public in Lambeth would go to pieces
without me he says But he isnt going to knock me about when he has had a
drop any more after we are spliced by English law than before As for you I
should coax Jude to take me before the parson straight off and have done with
it if I were in your place I say it as a friend my dear«
»Hes waiting to any day« returned Sue with frigid pride
»Then let him in Heavens name Life with a man is more businesslike after
it and money matters work better And then you see if you have rows and he
turns you out of doors you can get the law to protect you which you cant
otherwise unless he half runs you through with a knife or cracks your noddle
with a poker And if he bolts away from you I say it friendly as woman to
woman for theres never any knowing what a man med do youll have the sticks
o furniture and wont be looked upon as a thief I shall marry my man over
again now hes willing as there was a little flaw in the first ceremony In my
telegram last night which this is an answer to I told him I had almost made it
up with Jude and that frightened him I expect Perhaps I should quite have
done it if it hadnt been for you« she said laughing »and then how different
our histories might have been from today Never such a tender fool as Jude is
if a woman seems in trouble and coaxes him a bit Just as he used to be about
birds and things However as it happens it is just as well as if I had made it
up and I forgive you And as I say Id advise you to get the business legally
done as soon as possible Youll find it an awful bother later on if you dont«
»I have told you he is asking me to marry him to make our natural marriage
a legal one« said Sue with yet more dignity »It was quite by my wish that he
didnt the moment I was free«
»Ah yes you are a oneyer too like myself« said Arabella eyeing her
visitor with humorous criticism »Bolted from your first didnt you like me«
»Good morning I must go« said Sue hastily
»And I too must up and off« replied the other springing out of bed so
suddenly that the soft parts of her person shook Sue jumped aside in
trepidation »Lord I am only a woman not a sixfoot sojer Just a moment
dear« she continued putting her hand on Sues arm »I really did want to
consult Jude on a little matter of business as I told him I came about that
more than anything else Would he run up to speak to me at the station as I am
going You think not Well Ill write to him about it I didnt want to write
it but never mind I will«
3
When Sue reached home Jude was awaking her at the door to take the initial step
towards their marriage She clasped his arm and they went along silently
together as true comrades ofttimes do He saw that she was preoccupied and
forbore to question her
»O Jude Ive been talking to her« she said at last »I wish I hadnt And
yet it is best to be reminded of things«
»I hope she was civil«
»Yes I I cant help liking her just a little bit Shes not an
ungenerous nature and I am so glad her difficulties have all suddenly ended«
She explained how Arabella had been summoned back and would be enabled to
retrieve her position »I was referring to our old question What Arabella has
been saying to me has made me feel more than ever how hopelessly vulgar an
institution legal marriage is a sort of trap to catch a man I cant bear to
think of it I wish I hadnt promised to let you put up the banns this morning«
»O dont mind me Any time will do for me I thought you might like to get
it over quickly now«
»Indeed I dont feel any more anxious now than I did before Perhaps with
any other man I might be a little anxious but among the very few virtues
possessed by your family and mine dear I think I may set staunchness So I am
not a bit frightened about losing you now I really am yours and you really are
mine In fact I am easier in my mind than I was for my conscience is clear
about Richard who now has a right to his freedom I felt we were deceiving him
before«
»Sue you seem when you are like this to be one of the women of some grand
old civilization whom I used to read about in my bygone wasted classical
days rather than a denizen of a mere Christian country I almost expect you to
say at these times that you have just been talking to some friend whom you met
in the Via Sacra about the latest news of Octavia or Livia or have been
listening to Aspasias eloquence or have been watching Praxiteles chiselling
away at his latest Venus while Phryne made complaint that she was tired of
posing«
They had now reached the house of the parishclerk Sue stood back while
her lover went up to the door His hand was raised to knock when she said
»Jude«
He looked round
»Wait a minute would you mind«
He came back to her
»Just let us think« she said timidly »I had such a horrid dream one
night And Arabella «
»What did Arabella say to you« he asked
»O she said that when people were tied up you could get the law of a man
better if he beat you and how when couples quarrelled Jude do you think
that when you must have me with you by law we shall be so happy as we are now
The men and women of our family are very generous when everything depends upon
their goodwill but they always kick against compulsion Dont you dread the
attitude that insensibly arises out of legal obligation Dont you think it is
destructive to a passion whose essence is its gratuitousness«
»Upon my word love you are beginning to frighten me too with all this
foreboding Well lets go back and think it over«
Her face brightened »Yes so we will« said she And they turned from the
clerks door Sue taking his arm and murmuring as they walked on homeward
»Can you keep the bee from ranging
Or the ringdoves neck from changing
No Nor fetterd love«
They thought it over or postponed thinking Certainly they postponed action
and seemed to live on in a dreamy paradise At the end of a fortnight or three
weeks matters remained unadvanced and no banns were announced to the ears of
any Aldbrickham congregation
Whilst they were postponing and postponing thus a letter and a newspaper
arrived before breakfast one morning from Arabella Seeing the handwriting Jude
went up to Sues room and told her and as soon as she was dressed she hastened
down Sue opened the newspaper Jude the letter After glancing at the paper she
held across the first page to him with her finger on a paragraph but he was so
absorbed in his letter that he did not turn awhile
»Look« said she
He looked and read The paper was one that circulated in South London only
and the marked advertisement was simply the announcement of a marriage at St
Johns Church Waterloo Road under the names CARTLETT DONN the united pair
being Arabella and the innkeeper
»Well it is satisfactory« said Sue complacently »Though after this it
seems rather low to do likewise and I am glad However she is provided for
now in a way I suppose whatever her faults poor thing It is nicer that we
are able to think that than to be uneasy about her I ought too to write to
Richard and ask him how he is getting on perhaps«
But Judes attention was still absorbed Having merely glanced at the
announcement he said in a disturbed voice »Listen to this letter What shall I
say or do«
THE THREE HORNS LAMBETH
Dear Jude I wont be so distant as to call you Mr Fawley I send
today a newspaper from which useful document you will learn that I was
married over again to Cartlett last Tuesday So that business is settled
right and tight at last But what I write about more particular is that
private affair I wanted to speak to you on when I came down to
Aldbrickham I couldnt very well tell it to your lady friend and
should much have liked to let you know it by word of mouth as I could
have explained better than by letter The fact is Jude that though I
have never informed you before there was a boy born of our marriage
eight months after I left you when I was at Sydney living with my
father and mother All that is easily provable As I had separated from
you before I thought such a thing was going to happen and I was over
there and our quarrel had been sharp I did not think it convenient to
write about the birth I was then looking out for a good situation so
my parents took the child and he has been with them ever since That
was why I did not mention it when I met you in Christminster nor at the
law proceedings He is now of an intelligent age of course and my
mother and father have lately written to say that as they have rather a
hard struggle over there and I am settled comfortably here they dont
see why they should be encumbered with the child any longer his parents
being alive I would have him with me here in a moment but he is not
old enough to be of any use in the bar nor will be for years and years
and naturally Cartlett might think him in the way They have however
packed him off to me in charge of some friends who happened to be coming
home and I must ask you to take him when he arrives for I dont know
what to do with him He is lawfully yours that I solemnly swear If
anybody says he isnt call them brimstone liars for my sake Whatever
I may have done before or afterwards I was honest to you from the time
we were married till I went away and I remain yours ampc
ARABELLA CARTLETT«
Sues look was one of dismay »What will you do dear« she asked faintly
Jude did not reply and Sue watched him anxiously with heavy breaths
»It hits me hard« said he in an undervoice »It may be true I cant make
it out Certainly if his birth was exactly when she says hes mine I cannot
think why she didnt tell me when I met her at Christminster and came on here
that evening with her Ah I do remember now that she said something about
having a thing on her mind that she would like me to know if ever we lived
together again«
»The poor child seems to be wanted by nobody« Sue replied and her eyes
filled
Jude had by this time come to himself »What a view of life he must have
mine or not mine« he said »I must say that if I were better off I should not
stop for a moment to think whose he might be I would take him and bring him up
The beggarly question of parentage what is it after all What does it matter
when you come to think of it whether a child is yours by blood or not All the
little ones of our time are collectively the children of us adults of the time
and entitled to our general care That excessive regard of parents for their own
children and their dislike of other peoples is like classfeeling
patriotism saveyourownsoulism and other virtues a mean exclusiveness at
bottom«
Sue jumped up and kissed Jude with passionate devotion »Yes so it is
dearest And well have him here And if he isnt yours it makes it all the
better I do hope he isnt though perhaps I ought not to feel quite that If
he isnt I should like so much for us to have him as an adopted child«
»Well you must assume about him what is most pleasing to you my curious
little comrade« he said »I feel that anyhow I dont like to leave the
unfortunate little fellow to neglect Just think of his life in a Lambeth
pothouse and all its evil influences with a parent who doesnt want him and
has indeed hardly seen him and a stepfather who doesnt know him Let the day
perish wherein I was born and the night in which it was said There is a man
child conceived« Thats what the boy my boy perhaps will find himself
saying before long«
»O no«
»As I was the petitioner I am really entitled to his custody I suppose«
»Whether or no we must have him I see that Ill do the best I can to be a
mother to him and we can afford to keep him somehow Ill work harder I wonder
when hell arrive«
»In the course of a few weeks I suppose«
»I wish When shall we have courage to marry Jude«
»Whenever you have it I think I shall It remains with you entirely dear
Only say the word and its done«
»Before the boy comes«
»Certainly«
»It would make a more natural home for him perhaps« she murmured
Jude thereupon wrote in purely formal terms to request that the boy should
be sent on to them as soon as he arrived making no remark whatever on the
surprising nature of Arabellas information nor vouchsafing a single word of
opinion on the boys paternity nor on whether had he known all this his
conduct towards her would have been quite the same
In the down train that was timed to reach Aldbrickham station about ten oclock
the next evening a small pale childs face could be seen in the gloom of a
thirdclass carriage He had large frightened eyes and wore a white woollen
cravat over which a key was suspended round his neck by a piece of common
string the key attracting attention by its occasional shine in the lamplight
In the band of his hat his halfticket was stuck His eyes remained mostly fixed
on the back of the seat opposite and never turned to the window even when a
station was reached and called On the other seat were two or three passengers
one of them a working woman who held a basket on her lap in which was a tabby
kitten The woman opened the cover now and then whereupon the kitten would put
out its head and indulge in playful antics At these the fellowpassengers
laughed except the solitary boy bearing the key and ticket who regarding the
kitten with his saucer eyes seemed mutely to say »All laughing comes from
misapprehension Rightly looked at there is no laughable thing under the sun«
Occasionally at a stoppage the guard would look into the compartment and say
to the boy »All right my man Your box is safe in the van« The boy would say
»Yes« without animation would try to smile and fail
He was Age masquerading as Juvenility and doing it so badly that his real
self showed through crevices A ground swell from ancient years of night seemed
now and then to lift the child in this his morninglife when his face took a
back view over some great Atlantic of Time and appeared not to care about what
it saw
When the other travellers closed their eyes which they did one by one
even the kitten curling itself up in the basket weary of its too circumscribed
play the boy remained just as before He then seemed to be doubly awake like
an enslaved and dwarfed Divinity sitting passive and regarding his companions
as if he saw their whole rounded lives rather than their immediate figures
This was Arabellas boy With her usual carelessness she had postponed
writing to Jude about him till the eve of his landing when she could absolutely
postpone no longer though she had known for weeks of his approaching arrival
and had as she truly said visited Aldbrickham mainly to reveal the boys
existence and his near homecoming to Jude This very day on which she had
received her former husbands answer at some time in the afternoon the child
reached the London Docks and the family in whose charge he had come having put
him into a cab for Lambeth and directed the cabman to his mothers house bade
him goodbye and went their way
On his arrival at the Three Horns Arabella had looked him over with an
expression that was as good as saying »You are very much what I expected you to
be« had given him a good meal a little money and late as it was getting
despatched him to Jude by the next train wishing her husband Cartlett who was
out not to see him
The train reached Aldbrickham and the boy was deposited on the lonely
platform beside his box The collector took his ticket and with a meditative
sense of the unfitness of things asked him where he was going by himself at
that time of night
»Going to Spring Street« said the little one impassively
»Why thats a long way from here amost out in the country and the folks
will be gone to bed«
»Ive got to go there«
»You must have a fly for your box«
»No I must walk«
»O well youd better leave your box here and send for it Theres a bus
goes halfway but youll have to walk the rest«
»I am not afraid«
»Why didnt your friends come to meet ee«
»I suppose they didnt know I was coming«
»Who is your friends«
»Mother didnt wish me to say«
»All I can do then is to take charge of this Now walk as fast as you
can«
Saying nothing further the boy came out into the street looking round to
see that nobody followed or observed him When he had walked some little
distance he asked for the street of his destination He was told to go straight
on quite into the outskirts of the place
The child fell into a steady mechanical creep which had in it an impersonal
quality the movement of the wave or of the breeze or of the cloud He
followed his directions literally without an inquiring gaze at anything It
could have been seen that the boys ideas of life were different from those of
the local boys Children begin with detail and learn up to the general they
begin with the contiguous and gradually comprehend the universal The boy
seemed to have begun with the generals of life and never to have concerned
himself with the particulars To him the houses the willows the obscure fields
beyond were apparently regarded not as brick residences pollards meadows but
as human dwellings in the abstract vegetation and the wide dark world
He found the way to the little lane and knocked at the door of Judes
house Jude had just retired to bed and Sue was about to enter her chamber
adjoining when she heard the knock and came down
»Is this where father lives« asked the child
»Who«
»Mr Fawley thats his name«
Sue ran up to Judes room and told him and he hurried down as soon as he
could though to her impatience he seemed long
»What is it he so soon« she asked as Jude came
She scrutinized the childs features and suddenly went away into the little
sittingroom adjoining Jude lifted the boy to a level with himself keenly
regarded him with gloomy tenderness and telling him he would have been met if
they had known of his coming so soon set him provisionally in a chair whilst he
went to look for Sue whose supersensitiveness was disturbed as he knew He
found her in the dark bending over an armchair He enclosed her with his arm
and putting his face by hers whispered »Whats the matter«
»What Arabella says is true true I see you in him«
»Well thats one thing in my life as it should be at any rate«
»But the other half of him is she And thats what I cant bear But I
ought used to it yes I ought«
»Jealous little Sue I withdraw all remarks about your sexlessness Never
mind Time may right things And Sue darling I have an idea Well educate
and train him with a view to the University What I couldnt accomplish in my
own person perhaps I can carry out through him They are making it easier for
poor students now you know«
»O you dreamer« said she and holding his hand returned to the child with
him The boy looked at her as she had looked at him »Is it you whos my real
mother at last« he inquired
»Why Do I look like your fathers wife«
»Well yes cept he seems fond of you and you of him Can I call you
mother«
Then a yearning look came over the child and he began to cry Sue thereupon
could not refrain from instantly doing likewise being a harp which the least
wind of emotion from anothers heart could make to vibrate as readily as a
radical stir in her own
»You may call me mother if you wish to my poor dear« she said bending
her cheek against his to hide her tears
»Whats this round your neck« asked Jude with affected calmness
»The key of my box thats at the station«
They bustled about and got him some supper and made him up a temporary bed
where he soon fell asleep Both went and looked at him as he lay
»He called you mother two or three times before he dropped off« murmured
Jude »Wasnt it odd that he should have wanted to«
»Well it was significant« said Sue »Theres more for us to think about
in that one little hungry heart than in all the stars of the sky I suppose
dear we must pluck up courage and get that ceremony over It is no use
struggling against the current and I feel myself getting intertwined with my
kind O Jude youll love me dearly wont you afterwards I do want to be kind
to this child and to be a mother to him and our adding the legal form to our
marriage might make it easier for me«
4
Their next and second attempt thereat was more deliberately made though it was
begun on the morning following the singular childs arrival at their home
Him they found to be in the habit of sitting silent his quaint and weird
face set and his eyes resting on things they did not see in the substantial
world
»His face is like the tragic mask of Melpomene« said Sue »What is your
name dear Did you tell us«
»Little Father Time is what they always called me It is a nickname because
I look so aged they say«
»And you talk so too« said Sue tenderly »It is strange Jude that these
preternaturally old boys almost always come from new countries But what were
you christened«
»I never was«
»Why was that«
»Because if I died in damnation twould save the expense of a Christian
funeral«
»O your name is not Jude then« said his father with some disappointment
The boy shook his head »Never heerd on it«
»Of course not« said Sue quickly »since she was hating you all the time«
»Well have him christened« said Jude and privately to Sue »The day we
are married« Yet the advent of the child disturbed him
Their position lent them shyness and having an impression that a marriage
at a Superintendent Registrars office was more private than an ecclesiastical
one they decided to avoid a church this time Both Sue and Jude together went
to the office of the district to give notice they had become such companions
that they could hardly do anything of importance except in each others company
Jude Fawley signed the form of notice Sue looking over his shoulder and
watching his hand as it traced the words As she read the foursquare
undertaking never before seen by her into which her own and Judes names were
inserted and by which that very volatile essence their love for each other
was supposed to be made permanent her face seemed to grow painfully
apprehensive Names and Surnames of the Parties they were to be parties now
not lovers she thought Condition a horrid idea Rank or Occupation Age
Dwelling at Length of Residence Church or Building in which the Marriage
is to be solemnized District and County in which the Parties respectively
dwell
»It spoils the sentiment doesnt it« she said on their way home »It seems
making a more sordid business of it even than signing the contract in a vestry
There is a little poetry in a church But well try to get through with it
dearest now«
»We will For what man is he that hath betrothed a wife and hath not taken
her Let him go and return unto his house lest he die in the battle and
another man take her So said the Jewish lawgiver«
»How you know the Scriptures Jude You really ought to have been a parson
I can only quote profane writers«
During the interval before the issuing of the certificate Sue in her
housekeeping errands sometimes walked past the office and furtively glancing
in saw affixed to the wall the notice of the purposed clinch to their union She
could not bear its aspect Coming after her previous experience of matrimony
all the romance of their attachment seemed to be starved away by placing her
present case in the same category She was usually leading little Father Time by
the hand and fancied that people thought him hers and regarded the intended
ceremony as the patching up of an old error
Meanwhile Jude decided to link his present with his past in some slight
degree by inviting to the wedding the only person remaining on earth who was
associated with his early life at Marygreen the aged widow Mrs Edlin who had
been his greataunts friend and nurse in her last illness He hardly expected
that she would come but she did bringing singular presents in the form of
apples jam brass snuffers an ancient pewter dish a warmingpan and an
enormous bag of goose feathers towards a bed She was allotted the spare room in
Judes house whither she retired early and where they could hear her through
the ceiling below honestly saying the Lords Prayer in a loud voice as the
Rubric directed
As however she could not sleep and discovered that Sue and Jude were
still sitting up it being in fact only ten oclock she dressed herself
again and came down and they all sat by the fire till a late hour Father
Time included though as he never spoke they were hardly conscious of him
»Well I baint set against marrying as your greataunt was« said the
widow »And I hope twill be a jocund wedding for ye in all respects this time
Nobody can hope it more knowing what I do of your families which is more I
suppose than anybody else now living For they have been unlucky that way God
knows«
Sue breathed uneasily
»They was always goodhearted people too wouldnt kill a fly if they
knowed it« continued the wedding guest »But things happened to thwart em and
if everything wasnt vitty they were upset No doubt thats how he that the tale
is told of came to do what a did if he were one of your family«
»What was that« said Jude
»Well that tale ye know he that was gibbeted just on the brow of the
hill by the Brown House not far from the milestone between Marygreen and
Alfredston where the other road branches off But Lord twas in my
grandfathers time and it medn have been one of your folk at all«
»I know where the gibbet is said to have stood very well« murmured Jude
»But I never heard of this What did this man my ancestor and Sues kill
his wife«
»Twer not that exactly She ran away from him with their child to her
friends and while she was there the child died He wanted the body to bury it
where his people lay but she wouldnt give it up Her husband then came in the
night with a cart and broke into the house to steal the coffin away but he was
catched and being obstinate wouldnt tell what he broke in for They brought
it in burglary and thats why he was hanged and gibbeted on Brown House Hill
His wife went mad after he was dead But it medn be true that he belonged to ye
more than to me«
A small slow voice rose from the shade of the fireside as if out of the
earth »If I was you mother I wouldnt marry father« It came from little
Time and they started for they had forgotten him
»O it is only a tale« said Sue cheeringly
After this exhilarating tradition from the widow on the eve of the
solemnization they rose and wishing their guest goodnight retired
The next morning Sue whose nervousness intensified with the hours took
Jude privately into the sittingroom before starting »Jude I want you to kiss
me as a lover incorporeally« she said tremulously nestling up to him with
damp lashes »It wont be ever like this any more will it I wish we hadnt
begun the business But I suppose we must go on How horrid that story was last
night It spoilt my thoughts of today It makes me feel as if a tragic doom
overhung our family as it did the house of Atreus«
»Or the house of Jeroboam« said the quondam theologian
»Yes And it seems awful temerity in us two to go marrying I am going to
vow to you in the same words I vowed in to my other husband and you to me in
the same as you used to your other wife regardless of the deterrent lesson we
were taught by those experiments«
»If you are uneasy I am made unhappy« said he »I had hoped you would feel
quite joyful But if you dont you dont It is no use pretending It is a
dismal business to you and that makes it so to me«
»It is unpleasantly like that other morning thats all« she murmured
»Let us go on now«
They started arm in arm for the office aforesaid no witness accompanying
them except the Widow Edlin The day was chilly and dull and a clammy fog blew
through the town from Royaltowerd Thame On the steps of the office there were
the muddy footmarks of people who had entered and in the entry were damp
umbrellas Within the office several persons were gathered and our couple
perceived that a marriage between a soldier and a young woman was just in
progress Sue Jude and the widow stood in the background while this was going
on Sue reading the notices of marriage on the wall The room was a dreary place
to two of their temperament though to its usual frequenters it doubtless seemed
ordinary enough Lawbooks in musty calf covered one wall and elsewhere were
PostOffice Directories and other books of reference Papers in packets tied
with red tape were pigeonholed around and some iron safes filled a recess
while the bare wood floor was like the doorstep stained by previous visitors
The soldier was sullen and reluctant the bride sad and timid she was soon
obviously to become a mother and she had a black eye Their little business
was soon done and the twain and their friends straggled out one of the
witnesses saying casually to Jude and Sue in passing as if he had known them
before »See the couple just come in Ha ha That fellow is just out of gaol
this morning She met him at the gaol gates and brought him straight here
Shes paying for everything«
Sue turned her head and saw an illfavoured man closely cropped with a
broadfaced pockmarked woman on his arm ruddy with liquor and the
satisfaction of being on the brink of a gratified desire They jocosely saluted
the outgoing couple and went forward in front of Jude and Sue whose diffidence
was increasing The latter drew back and turned to her lover her mouth shaping
itself like that of a child about to give way to grief
»Jude I dont like it here I wish we hadnt come The place gives me the
horrors it seems so unnatural as the climax of our love I wish it had been at
church if it had to be at all It is not so vulgar there«
»Dear little girl« said Jude »How troubled and pale you look«
»It must be performed here now I suppose«
»No perhaps not necessarily«
He spoke to the clerk and came back »No we need not marry here or
anywhere unless we like even now« he said »We can be married in a church if
not with the same certificate with another hell give us I think Anyhow let
us go out till you are calmer dear and I too and talk it over«
They went out stealthily and guiltily as if they had committed a
misdemeanour closing the door without noise and telling the widow who had
remained in the entry to go home and await them that they would call in any
casual passers as witnesses if necessary When in the street they turned into
an unfrequented side alley where they walked up and down as they had done long
ago in the Markethouse at Melchester
»Now darling what shall be do We are making a mess of it it strikes me
Still anything that pleases you will please me«
»But Jude dearest I am worrying you You wanted it to be there didnt
you«
»Well to tell the truth when I got inside I felt as if I didnt care much
about it The place depressed me almost as much as it did you it was ugly And
then I thought of what you had said this morning as to whether we ought«
They walked on vaguely till she paused and her little voice began anew
»It seems so weak too to vacillate like this And yet how much better than to
act rashly a second time How terrible that scene was to me The expression
in that flabby womans face leading her on to give herself to that gaolbird
not for a few hours as she would but for a lifetime as she must And the
other poor soul to escape a nominal shame which was owing to the weakness of
her character degrading herself to the real shame of bondage to a tyrant who
scorned her a man whom to avoid for ever was her only chance of salvation
This is our parish church isnt it This is where it would have to be if we
did it in the usual way A service or something seems to be going on«
Jude went up and looked in at the door »Why it is a wedding here too« he
said »Everybody seems to be on our tack today«
Sue said she supposed it was because Lent was just over when there was
always a crowd of marriages »Let us listen« she said »and find how it feels
to us when performed in a church«
They stepped in and entered a back seat and watched the proceedings at the
altar The contracting couple appeared to belong to the welltodo middle class
and the wedding altogether was of ordinary prettiness and interest They could
see the flowers tremble in the brides hand even at that distance and could
hear her mechanical murmur of words whose meaning her brain seemed to gather not
at all under the pressure of her selfconsciousness Sue and Jude listened and
severally saw themselves in time past going through the same form of
selfcommittal
»It is not the same to her poor thing as it would be to me doing it over
again with my present knowledge« Sue whispered »You see they are fresh to it
and take the proceedings as a matter of course But having been awakened to its
awful solemnity as we have or at least as I have by experience and to my own
too squeamish feelings perhaps sometimes it really does seem immoral in me to
go and undertake the same thing again with open eyes Coming in here and seeing
this has frightened me from a church wedding as much as the other did from a
registry one We are a weak tremulous pair Jude and what others may feel
confident in I feel doubts of my being proof against the sordid conditions of
a business contract again«
Then they tried to laugh and went on debating in whispers the objectlesson
before them And Jude said he also thought they were both too thinskinned
that they ought never to have been born much less have come together for the
most preposterous of all jointventures for them matrimony
His betrothed shuddered and asked him earnestly if he indeed felt that they
ought not to go in cold blood and sign that lifeundertaking again »It is awful
if you think we have found ourselves not strong enough for it and knowing this
are proposing to perjure ourselves« she said
»I fancy I do think it since you ask me« said Jude »Remember Ill do it
if you wish own darling« While she hesitated he went on to confess that
though he thought they ought to be able to do it he felt checked by the dread
of incompetency just as she did from their peculiarities perhaps because
they were unlike other people »We are horribly sensitive thats really whats
the matter with us Sue« he declared
»I fancy more are like us than we think«
»Well I dont know The intention of the contract is good and right for
many no doubt but in our case it may defeat its own ends because we are the
queer sort of people we are folk in whom domestic ties of a forced kind snuff
out cordiality and spontaneousness«
Sue still held that there was not much queer or exceptional in them that
all were so »Everybody is getting to feel as we do We are a little beforehand
thats all In fifty a hundred years the descendants of these two will act and
feel worse than we They will see weltering humanity still more vividly than we
do now as
Shapes like our own selves hideously multiplied
and will be afraid to reproduce them«
»What a terrible line of poetry though I have felt it myself about my
fellowcreatures at morbid times«
Thus they murmured on till Sue said more brightly
»Well the general question is not our business and why should we plague
ourselves about it However different our reasons are we come to the same
conclusion that for us particular two an irrevocable oath is risky Then
Jude let us go home without killing our dream Yes How good you are my
friend you give way to all my whims«
»They accord very much with my own«
He gave her a little kiss behind a pillar while the attention of everybody
present was taken up in observing the bridal procession entering the vestry and
then they came outside the building By the door they waited till two or three
carriages which had gone away for a while returned and the new husband and
wife came into the open daylight Sue sighed
»The flowers in the brides hand are sadly like the garland which decked the
heifers of sacrifice in old times«
»Still Sue it is no worse for the woman than for the man Thats what some
women fail to see and instead of protesting against the conditions they protest
against the man the other victim just as a woman in a crowd will abuse the man
who crushes against her when he is only the helpless transmitter of the
pressure put upon him«
»Yes some are like that instead of uniting with the man against the
common enemy coercion« The bride and bridegroom had by this time driven off
and the two moved away with the rest of the idlers »No dont lets do it«
she continued »At least just now«
They reached home and passing the window arm in arm saw the widow looking
out at them »Well« cried their guest when they entered »I said to myself when
I zeed ye coming so loving up to the door They made up their minds at last
then«
They briefly hinted that they had not
»What and hant ye really done it Chok it all that I should have lived
to see a good old saying like marry in haste and repent at leisure spoiled like
this by you two Tis time I got back again to Marygreen sakes if tidden if
this is what the new notions be leading us to Nobody thought o being afeard o
matrimony in my time nor of much else but a cannonball or empty cupboard Why
when I and my poor man were married we thought no more ot than of a game o
dibs«
»Dont tell the child when he comes in« whispered Sue nervously »Hell
think it has all gone on right and it will be better that he should not be
surprised and puzzled Of course it is only put off for reconsideration If we
are happy as we are what does it matter to anybody«
5
The purpose of a chronicler of moods and deeds does not require him to express
his personal views upon the grave controversy above given That the twain were
happy between their times of sadness was indubitable And when the
unexpected apparition of Judes child in the house had shown itself to be no
such disturbing event as it had looked but one that brought into their lives a
new and tender interest of an ennobling and unselfish kind it rather helped
than injured their happiness
To be sure with such pleasing anxious beings as they were the boys coming
also brought with it much thought for the future particularly as he seemed at
present to be singularly deficient in all the usual hopes of childhood But the
pair tried to dismiss for a while at least a too strenuously forward view
There is in Upper Wessex an old town of nine or ten thousand souls the town
may be called StokeBarehills It stands with its gaunt unattractive ancient
church and its new red brick suburb amid the open chalksoiled cornlands
near the middle of an imaginary triangle which has for its three corners the
towns of Aldbrickham and Wintoncester and the important military station of
Quartershot The great western highway from London passes through it near a
point where the road branches into two merely to unite again some twenty miles
further westward Out of this bifurcation and reunion there used to arise among
wheeled travellers before railway days endless questions of choice between the
respective ways But the question is now as dead as the scotandlot freeholder
the road waggoner and the mail coachman who disputed it and probably not a
single inhabitant of StokeBarehills is now even aware that the two roads which
part in his town ever meet again for nobody now drives up and down the great
western highway daily
The most familiar object in StokeBarehills nowadays is its cemetery
standing among some picturesque mediæval ruins beside the railway the modern
chapels modern tombs and modern shrubs having a look of intrusiveness amid
the crumbling and ivycovered decay of the ancient walls
On a certain day however in the particular year which has now been reached
by this narrative the month being early June the features of the town excite
little interest though many visitors arrive by the trains some down trains in
especial nearly emptying themselves here It is the week of the Great Wessex
Agricultural Show whose vast encampment spreads over the open outskirts of the
town like the tents of an investing army Rows of marquees huts booths
pavilions arcades porticoes every kind of structure short of a permanent one
cover the green field for the space of a square halfmile and the crowds of
arrivals walk through the town in a mass and make straight for the exhibition
ground The way thereto is lined with shows stalls and hawkers on foot who
make a marketplace of the whole roadway to the show proper and lead some of
the improvident to lighten their pockets appreciably before they reach the gates
of the exhibition they came expressly to see
It is the popular day the shilling day and of the fast arriving excursion
trains two from different directions enter the two contiguous railwaystations
at almost the same minute One like several which have preceded it comes from
London the other by a crossline from Aldbrickham and from the London train
alights a couple a short rather bloated man with a globular stomach and small
legs resembling a top on two pegs accompanied by a woman of rather fine figure
and rather red face dressed in black material and covered with beads from
bonnet to skirt that made her glisten as if clad in chainmail
They cast their eyes around The man was about to hire a fly as some others
had done when the woman said »Dont be in such a hurry Cartlett It isnt so
very far to the showyard Let us walk down the street into the place Perhaps I
can pick up a cheap bit of furniture or old china It is years since I was here
never since I lived as a girl at Aldbrickham and used to come across for a
trip sometimes with my young man«
»You cant carry home furniture by excursion train« said in a thick voice
her husband the landlord of The Three Horns Lambeth for they had both come
down from the tavern in that »excellent densely populated gindrinking
neighbourhood« which they had occupied ever since the advertisement in those
words had attracted them thither The configuration of the landlord showed that
he too like his customers was becoming affected by the liquors he retailed
»Then Ill get it sent if I see any worth having« said his wife
They sauntered on but had barely entered the town when her attention was
attracted by a young couple leading a child who had come out from the second
platform into which the train from Aldbrickham had steamed They were walking
just in front of the innkeepers
»Sakes alive« said Arabella
»Whats that« said Cartlett
»Who do you think that couple is Dont you recognize the man«
»No«
»Not from the photos I have showed you«
»Is it Fawley«
»Yes of course«
»Oh well I suppose he was inclined for a little sightseeing like the rest
of us« Cartletts interest in Jude whatever it might have been when Arabella
was new to him had plainly flagged since her charms and her idiosyncrasies her
supernumerary haircoils and her optional dimples were becoming as a tale that
is told
Arabella so regulated her pace and her husbands as to keep just in the rear
of the other three which it was easy to do without notice in such a stream of
pedestrians Her answers to Cartletts remarks were vague and slight for the
group in front interested her more than all the rest of the spectacle
»They are rather fond of one another and of their child seemingly«
continued the publican
»Their child Tisnt their child« said Arabella with a curious sudden
covetousness »They havent been married long enough for it to be theirs«
But although the smouldering maternal instinct was strong enough in her to
lead her to quash her husbands conjecture she was not disposed on second
thoughts to be more candid than necessary Mr Cartlett had no other idea than
that his wifes child by her first husband was with his grandparents at the
Antipodes
»O I suppose not She looks quite a girl«
»They are only lovers or lately married and have the child in charge as
anybody can see«
All continued to move ahead The unwitting Sue and Jude the couple in
question had determined to make this Agricultural Exhibition within twenty
miles of their own town the occasion of a days excursion which should combine
exercise and amusement with instruction at small expense Not regardful of
themselves alone they had taken care to bring Father Time to try every means
of making him kindle and laugh like other boys though he was to some extent a
hindrance to the delightfully unreserved intercourse in their pilgrimages which
they so much enjoyed But they soon ceased to consider him an observer and went
along with that tender attention to each other which the shyest can scarcely
disguise and which these among entire strangers as they imagined took less
trouble to disguise than they might have done at home Sue in her new summer
clothes flexible and light as a bird her little thumb stuck up by the stem of
her white cotton sunshade went along as if she hardly touched ground and as if
a moderately strong puff of wind would float her over the hedge into the next
field Jude in his light grey holidaysuit was really proud of her
companionship not more for her external attractiveness than for her sympathetic
words and ways That complete mutual understanding in which every glance and
movement was as effectual as speech for conveying intelligence between them
made them almost the two parts of a single whole
The pair with their charge passed through the turnstiles Arabella and her
husband not far behind them When inside the enclosure the publicans wife could
see that the two ahead began to take trouble with the youngster pointing out
and explaining the many objects of interest alive and dead and a passing
sadness would touch their faces at their every failure to disturb his
indifference
»How she sticks to him« said Arabella »O no I fancy they are not
married or they wouldnt be so much to one another as that I wonder«
»But I thought you said he did marry her«
»I heard he was going to thats all going to make another attempt after
putting it off once or twice As far as they themselves are concerned they
are the only two in the show I should be ashamed of making myself so silly if I
were he«
»I dont see as how theres anything remarkable in their behaviour I should
never have noticed their being in love if you hadnt said so«
»You never see anything« she rejoined Nevertheless Cartletts view of the
lovers or married pairs conduct was undoubtedly that of the general crowd
whose attention seemed to be in no way attracted by what Arabellas sharpened
vision discerned
»Hes charmed by her as if she were some fairy« continued Arabella »See
how he looks round at her and lets his eyes rest on her I am inclined to think
that she dont care for him quite so much as he does for her Shes not a
particular warmhearted creature to my thinking though she cares for him pretty
middling much as much as shes able to and he could make her heart ache a bit
if he liked to try which hes too simple to do There now they are going
across to the carthorse sheds Come along«
»I dont want to see the carthorses It is no business of ours to follow
these two If we have come to see the show let us see it in our own way as they
do in theirs«
»Well suppose we agree to meet somewhere in an hours time say at that
refreshment tent over there and go about independent Then you can look at what
you choose to and so can I«
Cartlett was not loth to agree to this and they parted he proceeding to
the shed where malting processes were being exhibited and Arabella in the
direction taken by Jude and Sue Before however she had regained their wake a
laughing face met her own and she was confronted by Anny the friend of her
girlhood
Anny had burst out in hearty laughter at the mere fact of the chance
rencounter »I am still living down there« she said as soon as she was
composed »I am soon going to be married but my intended couldnt come up here
today But theres lots of us come by excursion though Ive lost the rest of
em for the present«
»Have you met Jude and his young woman or wife or whatever she is I saw
em by now«
»No Not a glimpse of un for years«
»Well they are close by here somewhere Yes there they are by that grey
horse«
»O thats his present young woman wife did you say Has he married
again«
»I dont know«
»Shes pretty isnt she«
»Yes nothing to complain of or jump at Not much to depend on though a
slim fidgety little thing like that«
»Hes a nicelooking chap too You ought to ha stuck to un Arabella«
»I dont know but I ought« murmured she
Anny laughed »Thats you Arabella Always wanting another man than your
own«
»Well and what woman dont I should like to know As for that body with him
she dont know what love is at least what I call love I can see in her face
she dont«
»And perhaps Abby dear you dont know what she calls love«
»Im sure I dont wish to Ah they are making for the Art Department I
should like to see some pictures myself Suppose we go that way Why if all
Wessex isnt here I verily believe Theres Dr Vilbert Havent seen him for
years and hes not looking a day older than when I used to know him How do you
do Physician I was just saying that you dont look a day older than when you
knew me as a girl«
»Simply the result of taking my own pills regular maam Only two and
threepence a box warranted efficacious by the Government stamp Now let me
advise you to purchase the same immunity from the ravages of Time by following
my example Only twoandthree«
The physician had produced a box from his waistcoat pocket and Arabella was
induced to make the purchase
»At the same time« continued he when the pills were paid for »you have
the advantage of me Mrs Surely not Mrs Fawley once Miss Donn of the
vicinity of Marygreen«
»Yes But Mrs Cartlett now«
»Ah you lost him then Promising young fellow A pupil of mine you know
I taught him the dead languages And believe me he soon knew nearly as much as
I«
»I lost him but not as you think« said Arabella drily »The lawyers untied
us There he is look alive and lusty along with that young woman entering
the Art exhibition«
»Ah dear me Fond of her apparently«
»They say they are cousins«
»Cousinship is a great convenience to their feelings I should say«
»Yes So her husband thought no doubt when he divorced her Shall we
look at the pictures too«
The trio followed across the green and entered Jude and Sue with the
child unaware of the interest they were exciting had gone up to a model at one
end of the building which they regarded with considerable attention for a long
while before they went on Arabella and her friends came to it in due course
and the inscription it bore was »Model of Cardinal College Christminster by
J Fawley and SFM Bridehead«
»Admiring their own work« said Arabella »How like Jude always thinking
of Colleges and Christminster instead of attending to his business«
They glanced cursorily at the pictures and proceeded to the bandstand
When they had stood a little while listening to the music of the military
performers Jude Sue and the child came up on the other side Arabella did not
care if they should recognize her but they were too deeply absorbed in their
own lives as translated into emotion by the military band to perceive her
under her beaded veil She walked round the outside of the listening throng
passing behind the lovers whose movements had an unexpected fascination for her
today Scrutinizing them narrowly from the rear she noticed that Judes hand
sought Sues as they stood the two standing close together so as to conceal as
they supposed this tacit expression of their mutual responsiveness
»Silly fools like two children« Arabella whispered to herself morosely
as she rejoined her companions with whom she preserved a preoccupied silence
Anny meanwhile had jokingly remarked to Vilbert on Arabellas hankering
interest in her first husband
»Now« said the physician to Arabella apart »do you want anything such as
this Mrs Cartlett It is not compounded out of my regular pharmacopoeia but I
am sometimes asked for such a thing« He produced a small phial of clear liquid
»A lovephiltre such as was used by the Ancients with great effect I found it
out by study of their writings and have never known it to fail«
»What is it made of« asked Arabella curiously
»Well a distillation of the juices of doves hearts otherwise pigeons
is one of the ingredients It took nearly a hundred hearts to produce that small
bottle full«
»How do you get pigeons enough«
»To tell a secret I get a piece of rocksalt of which pigeons are
inordinately fond and place it in a dovecote on my roof In a few hours the
birds come to it from all points of the compass east west north and south
and thus I secure as many as I require You use the liquid by contriving that
the desired man shall take about ten drops of it in his drink But remember all
this is told you because I gather from your questions that you mean to be a
purchaser You must keep faith with me«
»Very well I dont mind a bottle to give some friend or other to try it
on her young man« She produced five shillings the price asked and slipped the
phial in her capacious bosom Saying presently that she was due at an
appointment with her husband she sauntered away towards the refreshment bar
Jude his companion and the child having gone on to the horticultural tent
where Arabella caught a glimpse of them standing before a group of roses in
bloom
She waited a few minutes observing them and then proceeded to join her
spouse with no very amiable sentiments She found him seated on a stool by the
bar talking to one of the gaily dressed maids who had served him with spirits
»I should think you had enough of this business at home« Arabella remarked
gloomily »Surely you didnt come fifty miles from your own bar to stick in
another Come take me round the show as other men do their wives Dammy one
would think you were a young bachelor with nobody to look after but yourself«
»But we agreed to meet here and what could I do but wait«
»Well now we have met come along« she returned ready to quarrel with the
sun for shining on her And they left the tent together this potbellied man
and florid woman in the antipathetic recriminatory mood of the average husband
and wife of Christendom
In the meantime the more exceptional couple and the boy still lingered in
the pavilion of flowers an enchanted palace to their appreciative taste
Sues usually pale cheeks reflecting the pink of the tinted roses at which she
gazed for the gay sights the air the music and the excitement of a days
outing with Jude had quickened her blood and made her eyes sparkle with
vivacity She adored roses and what Arabella had witnessed was Sue detaining
Jude almost against his will while she learnt the names of this variety and
that and put her face within an inch of their blooms to smell them
»I should like to push my face quite into them the dears« she had said
»But I suppose it is against the rules to touch them isnt it Jude«
»Yes you baby« said he and then playfully gave her a little push so that
her nose went among the petals
»The policeman will be down on us and I shall say it was my husbands
fault«
Then she looked up at him and smiled in a way that told so much to
Arabella
»Happy« he murmured
She nodded
»Why Because you have come to the great Wessex Agricultural Show or
because we have come«
»You are always trying to make me confess to all sorts of absurdities
Because I am improving my mind of course by seeing all these steamploughs
and threshingmachines and chaffcutters and cows and pigs and sheep«
Jude was quite content with a baffle from his ever evasive companion But
when he had forgotten that he had put the question and because he no longer
wished for an answer she went on »I feel that we have returned to Greek
joyousness and have blinded ourselves to sickness and sorrow and have
forgotten what twentyfive centuries have taught the race since their time as
one of your Christminster luminaries says There is one immediate shadow
however only one« And she looked at the aged child whom though they had
taken him to everything likely to attract a young intelligence they had utterly
failed to interest
He knew what they were saying and thinking »I am very very sorry father
and mother« he said »But please dont mind I cant help it I should like
the flowers very very much if I didnt keep on thinking theyd be all withered
in a few days«
6
The unnoticed lives that the pair had hitherto led began from the day of the
suspended wedding onwards to be observed and discussed by other persons than
Arabella The society of Spring Street and the neighbourhood generally did not
understand and probably could not have been made to understand Sue and Judes
private minds emotions positions and fears The curious facts of a child
coming to them unexpectedly who called Jude father and Sue mother and a hitch
in a marriage ceremony intended for quietness to be performed at a registrars
office together with rumours of the undefended cases in the lawcourts bore
only one translation to plain minds
Little Time for though he was formally turned into Jude the apt nickname
stuck to him would come home from school in the evening and repeat inquiries
and remarks that had been made to him by the other boys and cause Sue and Jude
when he heard them a great deal of pain and sadness
The result was that shortly after the attempt at the registrars the pair
went off to London it was believed for several days hiring somebody to look
to the boy When they came back they let it be understood indirectly and with
total indifference and weariness of mien that they were legally married at
last Sue who had previously been called Mrs Bridehead now openly adopted the
name of Mrs Fawley Her dull cowed and listless manner for days seemed to
substantiate all this
But the mistake as it was called of their going away so secretly to do the
business kept up much of the mystery of their lives and they found that they
made not such advances with their neighbours as they had expected to do thereby
A living mystery was not much less interesting than a dead scandal
The bakers lad and the grocers boy who at first had used to lift their
hats gallantly to Sue when they came to execute their errands in these days no
longer took the trouble to render her that homage and the neighbouring
artizans wives looked straight along the pavement when they encountered her
Nobody molested them it is true but an oppressive atmosphere began to
encircle their souls particularly after their excursion to the Show as if that
visit had brought some evil influence to bear on them And their temperaments
were precisely of a kind to suffer from this atmosphere and to be indisposed to
lighten it by vigorous and open statements Their apparent attempt at reparation
had come too late to be effective
The headstone and epitaph orders fell off and two or three months later
when autumn came Jude perceived that he would have to return to journeywork
again a course all the more unfortunate just now in that he had not as yet
cleared off the debt he had unavoidably incurred in the payment of the lawcosts
of the previous year
One evening he sat down to share the common meal with Sue and the child as
usual »I am thinking« he said to her »that Ill hold on here no longer The
life suits us certainly but if we could get away to a place where we are
unknown we should be lighter hearted and have a better chance And so I am
afraid we must break it up here however awkward for you poor dear«
Sue was always much affected at a picture of herself as an object of pity
and she saddened
»Well I am not sorry« said she presently »I am much depressed by the way
they look at me here And you have been keeping on this house and furniture
entirely for me and the boy You dont want it yourself and the expense is
unnecessary But whatever we do wherever we go you wont take him away from
me Jude dear I could not let him go now The cloud upon his young mind makes
him so pathetic to me I do hope to lift it some day And he loves me so You
wont take him away from me«
»Certainly I wont dear little girl Well get nice lodgings wherever we
go I shall be moving about probably getting a job here and a job there«
»I shall do something too of course till till Well now I cant be
useful in the lettering it behoves me to turn my hand to something else«
»Dont hurry about getting employment« he said regretfully »I dont want
you to do that I wish you wouldnt Sue The boy and yourself are enough for
you to attend to«
There was a knock at the door and Jude answered it Sue could hear the
conversation
»Is Mr Fawley at home Biles and Willis the building contractors sent
me to know if youll undertake the relettering of the Ten Commandments in a
little church theyve been restoring lately in the country near here«
Jude reflected and said he could undertake it
»It is not a very artistic job« continued the messenger »The clergyman is
a very oldfashioned chap and he has refused to let anything more be done to
the church than cleaning and repairing«
»Excellent old man« said Sue to herself who was sentimentally opposed to
the horrors of overrestoration
»The Ten Commandments are fixed to the east end« the messenger went on
»and they want doing up with the rest of the wall there since he wont have
them carted off as old materials belonging to the contractor in the usual way
of the trade«
A bargain as to terms was struck and Jude came indoors »There you see«
he said cheerfully »One more job yet at any rate and you can help in it at
least you can try We shall have all the church to ourselves as the rest of the
work is finished«
Next day Jude went out to the church which was only two miles off He found
that what the contractors clerk had said was true The tables of the Jewish law
towered sternly over the utensils of Christian grace as the chief ornament of
the chancel end in the fine dry style of the last century And as their
framework was constructed of ornamental plaster they could not be taken down for
repair A portion crumbled by damp required renewal and when this had been
done and the whole cleansed he began to renew the lettering On the second
morning Sue came to see what assistance she could render and also because they
liked to be together
The silence and emptiness of the building gave her confidence and standing
on a safe low platform erected by Jude which she was nevertheless timid at
mounting she began painting in the letters of the first Table while he set
about mending a portion of the second She was quite pleased at her powers she
had acquired them in the days she painted illumined texts for the churchfitting
shop at Christminster Nobody seemed likely to disturb them and the pleasant
twitter of birds and rustle of October leafage came in through an open window
and mingled with their talk
They were not however to be left thus snug and peaceful for long About
halfpast twelve there came footsteps on the gravel without The old vicar and
his churchwarden entered and coming up to see what was being done seemed
surprised to discover that a young woman was assisting They passed on into an
aisle at which time the door again opened and another figure entered a small
one that of little Time who was crying Sue had told him where he might find
her between schoolhours if he wished She came down from her perch and said
»Whats the matter my dear«
»I couldnt stay to eat my dinner in school because they said « He
described how some boys had taunted him about his nominal mother and Sue
grieved expressed her indignation to Jude aloft The child went into the
churchyard and Sue returned to her work Meanwhile the door had opened again
and there shuffled in with a businesslike air the whiteaproned woman who
cleaned the church Sue recognized her as one who had friends in Spring Street
whom she visited The churchcleaner looked at Sue gaped and lifted her hands
she had evidently recognized Judes companion as the latter had recognized her
Next came two ladies and after talking to the charwoman they also moved
forward and as Sue stood reaching upward watched her hand tracing the letters
and critically regarded her person in relief against the white wall till she
grew so nervous that she trembled visibly
They went back to where the others were standing talking in undertones and
one said Sue could not hear which »Shes his wife I suppose«
»Some say Yes some say No« was the reply from the charwoman
»Not Then she ought to be or somebodys thats very clear«
»Theyve only been married a very few weeks whether or no«
»A strange pair to be painting the Two Tables I wonder Biles and Willis
could think of such a thing as hiring those«
The churchwarden supposed that Biles and Willis knew of nothing wrong and
then the other who had been talking to the old woman explained what she meant
by calling them strange people
The probable drift of the subdued conversation which followed was made plain
by the churchwarden breaking into an anecdote in a voice that everybody in the
church could hear though obviously suggested by the present situation
»Well now it is a curious thing but my grandfather told me a strange tale
of a most immoral case that happened at the painting of the Commandments in a
church out by Gaymead which is quite within a walk of this one In them days
Commandments were mostly done in gilt letters on a black ground and thats how
they were out where I say before the owld church was rebuilded It must have
been somewhere about a hundred years ago that them Commandments wanted doing up
just as ours do here and they had to get men from Aldbrickham to do em Now
they wished to get the job finished by a particular Sunday so the men had to
work late Saturday night against their will for overtime was not paid then as
tis now There was no true religion in the country at that date neither among
pasons clerks nor people and to keep the men up to their work the vicar had
to let em have plenty of drink during the afternoon As evening drawed on they
sent for some more themselves rum by all account It got later and later and
they got more and more fuddled till at last they went a putting their
rumbottle and rummers upon the Communion table and drawed up a trestle or two
and sate round comfortable and poured out again right hearty bumpers No sooner
had they tossed off their glasses than so the story goes they fell down
senseless one and all How long they bode so they didnt know but when they
came to themselves there was a terrible thunderstorm araging and they seemed
to see in the gloom a dark figure with very thin legs and a curious voot
astanding on the ladder and finishing their work When it got daylight they
could see that the work was really finished and couldnt at all mind finishing
it themselves They went home and the next thing they heard was that a great
scandal had been caused in the church that Sunday morning for when the people
came and service began all saw that the Ten Commandments wez painted with the
Nots left out Decent people wouldnt attend service there for a long time and
the Bishop had to be sent for to reconsecrate the church Thats the tradition
as I used to hear it as a child You must take it for what it is woth but this
case today has reminded me ot as I say«
The visitors gave one more glance as if to see whether Jude and Sue had
left the Nots out likewise and then severally left the church even the old
woman at last Sue and Jude who had not stopped working sent back the child to
school and remained without speaking till looking at her narrowly he found
she had been crying silently
»Never mind comrade« he said »I know what it is«
»I cant bear that they and everybody should think people wicked because
they may have chosen to live their own way It is really these opinions that
make the best intentioned people reckless and actually become immoral«
»Never be cast down It was only a funny story«
»Ah but we suggested it I am afraid I have done you mischief Jude
instead of helping you by coming«
To have suggested such a story was certainly not very exhilarating in a
serious view of their position However in a few minutes Sue seemed to see that
their position this morning had a ludicrous side and wiping her eyes she
laughed
»It is droll after all« she said »that we two of all people with our
queer history should happen to be here painting the Ten Commandments You a
reprobate and I in my condition O dear« And with her hand over her
eyes she laughed again silently and intermittently till she was quite weak
»Thats better« said Jude gaily »Now we are right again arent we little
girl«
»O but it is serious all the same« she sighed as she took up the brush and
righted herself »But do you see they dont think we are married They wont
believe it It is extraordinary«
»I dont care whether they think so or not« said Jude »I shant take any
more trouble to make them«
They sat down to lunch which they had brought with them not to hinder time
and having eaten it were about to set to work anew when a man entered the
church and Jude recognized in him the contractor Willis He beckoned to Jude
and spoke to him apart
»Here Ive just had a complaint about this« he said with rather
breathless awkwardness »I dont wish to go into the matter as of course I
didnt know what was going on but I am afraid I must ask you and her to leave
off and let somebody else finish this It is best to avoid all unpleasantness
Ill pay you for the week all the same«
Jude was too independent to make any fuss and the contractor paid him and
left Jude picked up his tools and Sue cleansed her brush Then their eyes met
»How could we be so simple as to suppose we might do this« said she
dropping to her tragic note »Of course we ought not I ought not to have
come«
»I had no idea that anybody was going to intrude into such a lonely place
and see us« Jude returned »Well it cant be helped dear and of course I
wouldnt wish to injure Williss tradeconnection by staying« They sat down
passively for a few minutes proceeded out of the church and overtaking the boy
pursued their thoughtful way to Aldbrickham
Fawley had still a pretty zeal in the cause of education and as was
natural with his experiences he was active in furthering equality of
opportunity by any humble means open to him He had joined an Artizans Mutual
Improvement Society established in the town about the time of his arrival there
its members being young men of all creeds and denominations including
Churchmen Congregationalists Baptists Unitarians Positivists and others
Agnostics had scarcely been heard of at this time their one common wish to
enlarge their minds forming a sufficiently close bond of union The subscription
was small and the room homely and Judes activity uncustomary acquirements
and above all singular intuition on what to read and how to set about it
begotten of his years of struggle against malignant stars had led to his being
placed on the committee
A few evenings after his dismissal from the church repairs and before he
had obtained any more work to do he went to attend a meeting of the aforesaid
committee It was late when he arrived all the others had come and as he
entered they looked dubiously at him and hardly uttered a word of greeting He
guessed that something bearing on himself had been either discussed or mooted
Some ordinary business was transacted and it was disclosed that the number of
subscriptions had shown a sudden falling off for that quarter One member a
really wellmeaning and upright man began speaking in enigmas about certain
possible causes that it behoved them to look well into their constitution for
if the committee were not respected and had not at least in their differences
a common standard of conduct they would bring the institution to the ground
Nothing further was said in Judes presence but he knew what this meant and
turning to the table wrote a note resigning his office there and then
Thus the supersensitive couple were more and more impelled to go away And
then bills were sent in and the question arose what could Jude do with his
greataunts heavy old furniture if he left the town to travel he knew not
whither This and the necessity of ready money compelled him to decide on an
auction much as he would have preferred to keep the venerable goods
The day of the sale came on and Sue for the last time cooked her own the
childs and Judes breakfast in the little house he had furnished It chanced
to be a wet day moreover Sue was unwell and not wishing to desert her poor
Jude in such gloomy circumstances for he was compelled to stay awhile she
acted on the suggestion of the auctioneers man and ensconced herself in an
upper room which could be emptied of its effects and so kept closed to the
bidders Here Jude discovered her and with the child and their few trunks
baskets and bundles and two chairs and a table that were not in the sale the
two sat in meditative talk
Footsteps began stamping up and down the bare stairs the comers inspecting
the goods some of which were of so quaint and ancient a make as to acquire an
adventitious value as art Their door was tried once or twice and to guard
themselves against intrusion Jude wrote Private on a scrap of paper and stuck
it upon the panel
They soon found that instead of the furniture their own personal histories
and past conduct began to be discussed to an unexpected and intolerable extent
by the intending bidders It was not till now that they really discovered what a
fools paradise of supposed unrecognition they had been living in of late Sue
silently took her companions hand and with eyes on each other they heard these
passing remarks the quaint and mysterious personality of Father Time being a
subject which formed a large ingredient in the hints and innuendoes At length
the auction began in the room below whence they could hear each familiar
article knocked down the highly prized ones cheaply the unconsidered at an
unexpected price
»People dont understand us« he sighed heavily »I am glad we have decided
to go«
»The question is where to«
»It ought to be to London There one can live as one chooses«
»No not London dear I know it well We should be unhappy there«
»Why«
»Cant you think«
»Because Arabella is there«
»Thats the chief reason«
»But in the country I shall always be uneasy lest there should be some more
of our late experience And I dont care to lessen it by explaining for one
thing all about the boys history To cut him off from his past I have
determined to keep silence I am sickened of ecclesiastical work now and I
shouldnt like to accept it if offered me«
»You ought to have learnt Classic Gothic is barbaric art after all Pugin
was wrong and Wren was right Remember the interior of Christminster Cathedral
almost the first place in which we looked in each others faces Under the
picturesqueness of those Norman details one can see the grotesque childishness
of uncouth people trying to imitate the vanished Roman forms remembered by dim
tradition only«
»Yes you have half converted me to that view by what you have said before
But one can work and despise what one does I must do something if not
churchgothic«
»I wish we could both follow an occupation in which personal circumstances
dont count« she said smiling up wistfully »I am as disqualified for teaching
as you are for ecclesiastical art You must fall back upon railway stations
bridges theatres musichalls hotels everything that has no connection with
conduct«
»I am not skilled in those I ought to take to breadbaking I grew up in
the baking business with aunt you know But even a baker must be conventional
to get customers«
»Unless he keeps a cake and gingerbread stall at markets and fairs where
people are gloriously indifferent to everything except the quality of the
goods«
Their thoughts were diverted by the voice of the auctioneer »Now this
antique oak settle a unique example of old English furniture worthy the
attention of all collectors«
»That was my greatgrandfathers« said Jude »I wish we could have kept the
poor old thing«
One by one the articles went and the afternoon passed away Jude and the
other two were getting tired and hungry but after the conversation they had
heard they were shy of going out while the purchasers were in their line of
retreat However the later lots drew on and it became necessary to emerge into
the rain soon to take on Sues things to their temporary lodging
»Now the next lot two pairs of pigeons all alive and plump a nice pie
for somebody for next Sundays dinner«
The impending sale of these birds had been the most trying suspense of the
whole afternoon They were Sues pets and when it was found that they could not
possibly be kept more sadness was caused than by parting from all the
furniture Sue tried to think away her tears as she heard the trifling sum that
her dears were deemed to be worth advanced by small stages to the price at which
they were finally knocked down The purchaser was a neighbouring poulterer and
they were unquestionably doomed to die before the next market day
Noting her dissembled distress Jude kissed her and said it was time to go
and see if the lodgings were ready He would go on with the boy and fetch her
soon
When she was left alone she waited patiently but Jude did not come back At
last she started the coast being clear and on passing the poulterers shop
not far off she saw her pigeons in a hamper by the door An emotion at sight of
them assisted by the growing dusk of evening caused her to act on impulse and
first looking around her quickly she pulled out the peg which fastened down the
cover and went on The cover was lifted from within and the pigeons flew away
with a clatter that brought the chagrined poulterer cursing and swearing to the
door
Sue reached the lodging trembling and found Jude and the boy making it
comfortable for her »Do the buyers pay before they bring away the things« she
asked breathlessly
»Yes I think Why«
»Because then Ive done such a wicked thing« And she explained in bitter
contrition
»I shall have to pay the poulterer for them if he doesnt catch them« said
Jude »But never mind Dont fret about it dear«
»It was so foolish of me O why should Natures law be mutual butchery«
»Is it so mother« asked the boy intently
»Yes« said Sue vehemently
»Well they must take their chance now poor things« said Jude »As soon
as the saleaccount is wound up and our bills paid we go«
»Where do we go to« asked Time in suspense
»We must sail under sealed orders that nobody may trace us We mustnt
go to Alfredston or to Melchester or to Shaston or to Christminster Apart
from those we may go anywhere«
»Why mustnt we go there father«
»Because of a cloud that has gathered over us though we have wronged no
man corrupted no man defrauded no man Though perhaps we have done that which
was right in our own eyes«
7
From that week Jude Fawley and Sue walked no more in the town of Aldbrickham
Whither they had gone nobody knew chiefly because nobody cared to know Any
one sufficiently curious to trace the steps of such an obscure pair might have
discovered without great trouble that they had taken advantage of his adaptive
craftsmanship to enter on a shifting almost nomadic life which was not
without its pleasantness for a time
Wherever Jude heard of freestone work to be done thither he went choosing
by preference places remote from his old haunts and Sues He laboured at a job
long or briefly till it was finished and then moved on
Two whole years and a half passed thus Sometimes he might have been found
shaping the mullions of a country mansion sometimes setting the parapet of a
townhall sometimes ashlaring an hotel at Sandbourne sometimes a museum at
Casterbridge sometimes as far down as Exonbury sometimes at StokeBarehills
Later still he was at Kennetbridge a thriving town not more than a dozen miles
south of Marygreen this being his nearest approach to the village where he was
known for he had a sensitive dread of being questioned as to his life and
fortunes by those who had been acquainted with him during his ardent young
manhood of study and promise and his brief and unhappy married life at that
time
At some of these places he would be detained for months at others only a
few weeks His curious and sudden antipathy to ecclesiastical work both
episcopal and nonconformist which had risen in him when suffering under a
smarting sense of misconception remained with him in cold blood less from any
fear of renewed censure than from an ultraconscientiousness which would not
allow him to seek a living out of those who would disapprove of his ways also
too from a sense of inconsistency between his former dogmas and his present
practice hardly a shred of the beliefs with which he had first gone up to
Christminster now remaining with him He was mentally approaching the position
which Sue had occupied when he first met her
On a Saturday evening in May nearly three years after Arabellas
recognition of Sue and himself at the Agricultural Show some of those who there
encountered each other met again
It was the spring fair at Kennetbridge and though this ancient
trademeeting had much dwindled from its dimensions of former times the long
straight street of the borough presented a lively scene about midday At this
hour a light trap among other vehicles was driven into the town by the north
road and up to the door of a temperance inn There alighted two women one the
driver an ordinary country person the other a finely built figure in the deep
mourning of a widow Her sombre suit of pronounced cut caused her to appear a
little out of place in the medley and bustle of a provincial fair
»I will just find out where it is Anny« said the widowlady to her
companion when the horse and cart had been taken by a man who came forward
»and then Ill come back and meet you here and well go in and have something
to eat and drink I begin to feel quite a sinking«
»With all my heart« said the other »Though I would sooner have put up at
the Chequers or The Jack You cant get much at these temperance houses«
»Now dont you give way to gluttonous desires my child« said the woman in
weeds reprovingly »This is the proper place Very well well meet in
halfanhour unless you come with me to find out where the site of the new
chapel is«
»I dont care to You can tell me«
The companions then went their several ways the one in crape walking firmly
along with a mien of disconnection from her miscellaneous surroundings Making
inquiries she came to a hoarding within which were excavations denoting the
foundations of a building and on the boards without one or two large posters
announcing that the foundationstone of the chapel about to be erected would be
laid that afternoon at three oclock by a London preacher of great popularity
among his body
Having ascertained thus much the immensely weeded widow retraced her steps
and gave herself leisure to observe the movements of the fair By and by her
attention was arrested by a little stall of cakes and gingerbreads standing
between the more pretentious erections of trestles and canvas It was covered
with an immaculate cloth and tended by a young woman apparently unused to the
business she being accompanied by a boy with an octogenarian face who assisted
her
»Upon my senses« murmured the widow to herself »His wife Sue if she is
so« She drew nearer to the stall »How do you do Mrs Fawley« she said
blandly
Sue changed colour and recognized Arabella through the crape veil
»How are you Mrs Cartlett« she said stiffly And then perceiving
Arabellas garb her voice grew sympathetic in spite of herself »What you
have lost «
»My poor husband Yes He died suddenly six weeks ago leaving me none too
well off though he was a kind husband to me But whatever profit there is in
publichouse keeping goes to them that brew the liquors and not to them that
retail em And you my little old man You dont know me I expect«
»Yes I do You be the woman I thought wer my mother for a bit till I found
you wasnt« replied Father Time who had learned to use the Wessex tongue quite
naturally by now
»All right Never mind I am a friend«
»Juey« said Sue suddenly »go down to the station platform with this tray
theres another train coming in I think«
When he was gone Arabella continued »Hell never be a beauty will he poor
chap Does he know I am his mother really«
»No He thinks there is some mystery about his parentage thats all Jude
is going to tell him when he is a little older«
»But how do you come to be doing this I am surprised«
»It is only a temporary occupation a fancy of ours while we are in a
difficulty«
»Then you are living with him still«
»Yes«
»Married«
»Of course«
»Any children«
»Two«
»And another coming soon I see«
Sue writhed under the hard and direct questioning and her tender little
mouth began to quiver
»Lord I mean goodness gracious what is there to cry about Some folks
would be proud enough«
»It is not that I am ashamed not as you think But it seems such a
terribly tragic thing to bring beings into the world so presumptuous that I
question my right to do it sometimes«
»Take it easy my dear But you dont tell me why you do such a thing as
this Jude used to be a proud sort of chap above any business almost leave
alone keeping a standing«
»Perhaps my husband has altered a little since then I am sure he is not
proud now« And Sues lips quivered again »I am doing this because he caught a
chill early in the year while putting up some stonework of a musichall at
Quartershot which he had to do in the rain the work having to be executed by a
fixed day He is better than he was but it has been a long weary time We have
had an old widow friend with us to help us through it but shes leaving soon«
»Well I am respectable too thank God and of a serious way of thinking
since my loss Why did you choose to sell gingerbreads«
»Thats a pure accident He was brought up to the baking business and it
occurred to him to try his hand at these which he can make without coming out
of doors We call them Christminster cakes They are a great success«
»I never saw any like em Why they are windows and towers and pinnacles
And upon my word they are very nice« She had helped herself and was
unceremoniously munching one of the cakes
»Yes They are reminiscences of the Christminster Colleges Traceried
windows and cloisters you see It was a whim of his to do them in pastry«
»Still harping on Christminster even in his cakes« laughed Arabella
»Just like Jude A ruling passion What a queer fellow he is and always will
be«
Sue sighed and she looked her distress at hearing him criticized
»Dont you think he is Come now you do though you are so fond of him«
»Of course Christminster is a sort of fixed vision with him which I suppose
hell never be cured of believing in He still thinks it a great centre of high
and fearless thought instead of what it is a nest of commonplace schoolmasters
whose characteristic is timid obsequiousness to tradition«
Arabella was quizzing Sue with more regard of how she was speaking than of
what she was saying »How odd to hear a woman selling cakes talk like that« she
said »Why dont you go back to schoolkeeping«
Sue shook her head »They wont have me«
»Because of the divorce I suppose«
»That and other things And there is no reason to wish it We gave up all
ambition and were never so happy in our lives till his illness came«
»Where are you living«
»I dont care to say«
»Here in Kennetbridge«
Sues manner showed Arabella that her random guess was right
»Here comes the boy back again« continued Arabella »My boy and Judes«
Sues eyes darted a spark »You neednt throw that in my face« she cried
»Very well though I half feel as if I should like to have him with me
But Lord I dont want to take him from ee ever I should sin to speak so
profane though I should think you must have enough of your own Hes in very
good hands that I know and I am not the woman to find fault with what the Lord
has ordained Ive reached a more resigned frame of mind«
»Indeed I wish I had been able to do so«
»You should try« replied the widow from the serene heights of a soul
conscious not only of spiritual but of social superiority »I make no boast of
my awakening but Im not what I was After Cartletts death I was passing the
chapel in the street next ours and went into it for shelter from a shower of
rain I felt a need of some sort of support under my loss and as twas righter
than gin I took to going there regular and found it a great comfort But Ive
left London now you know and at present I am living at Alfredston with my
friend Anny to be near my own old country Im not come here to the fair
today Theres to be the foundationstone of a new chapel laid this afternoon
by a popular London preacher and I drove over with Anny Now I must go back to
meet her«
Then Arabella wished Sue goodbye and went on
8
In the afternoon Sue and the other people bustling about Kennetbridge fair could
hear singing inside the placarded hoarding further down the street Those who
peeped through the opening saw a crowd of persons in broadcloth with hymnbooks
in their hands standing round the excavations for the new chapelwalls
Arabella Cartlett and her weeds stood among them She had a clear powerful
voice which could be distinctly heard with the rest rising and falling to the
tune her inflated bosom being also seen doing likewise
It was two hours later on the same day that Anny and Mrs Cartlett having
had tea at the Temperance hotel started on their return journey across the high
and open country which stretches between Kennetbridge and Alfredston Arabella
was in a thoughtful mood but her thoughts were not of the new chapel as Anny
at first surmised
»No it is something else« at last said Arabella sullenly »I came here
today never thinking of anybody but poor Cartlett or of anything but spreading
the Gospel by means of this new tabernacle theyve begun this afternoon But
something has happened to turn my mind another way quite Anny Ive heard of un
again and Ive seen her«
»Who«
»Ive heard of Jude and Ive seen his wife And ever since do what I will
and though I sung the hymns wi all my strength I have not been able to help
thinking about n which Ive no right to do as a chapel member«
»Cant ye fix your mind upon what was said by the London preacher today
and try to get rid of your wandering fancies that way«
»I do But my wicked heart will ramble off in spite of myself«
»Well I know what it is to have a wanton mind o my own too If you ony
knew what I do dream sometimes o nights quite against my wishes youd say I
had my struggles« Anny too had grown rather serious of late her lover
having jilted her
»What shall I do about it« urged Arabella morbidly
»You could take a lock of your latelost husbands hair and have it made
into a mourning brooch and look at it every hour of the day«
»I havent a morsel and if I had twould be no good After all thats
said about the comforts of this religion I wish I had Jude back again«
»You must fight valiant against the feeling since hes anothers And Ive
heard that another good thing for it when it afflicts volupshious widows is to
go to your husbands grave in the dusk of evening and stand a long while
abowed down«
»Pooh I know as well as you what I should do only I dont do it«
They drove in silence along the straight road till they were within the
horizon of Marygreen which lay not far to the left of their route They came to
the junction of the highway and the crosslane leading to that village whose
churchtower could be seen athwart the hollow When they got yet further on and
were passing the lonely house in which Arabella and Jude had lived during the
first months of their marriage and where the pigkilling had taken place she
could control herself no longer
»Hes more mine than hers« she burst out »What right has she to him I
should like to know Id take him from her if I could«
»Fie Abby And your husband only six weeks gone Pray against it«
»Be damned if I do Feelings are feelings I wont be a creeping hypocrite
any longer so there«
Arabella had hastily drawn from her pocket a bundle of tracts which she had
brought with her to distribute at the fair and of which she had given away
several As she spoke she flung the whole remainder of the packet into the
hedge »Ive tried that sort o physic and have failed wi it I must be as I
was born«
»Hush You be excited dear Now you come along home quiet and have a cup
of tea and dont let us talk about un no more We wont come out this road
again as it leads to where he is because it inflames ee so Youll be all
right again soon«
Arabella did calm herself down by degrees and they crossed the Ridgeway
When they began to descend the long straight hill they saw plodding along in
front of them an elderly man of spare stature and thoughtful gait In his hand
he carried a basket and there was a touch of slovenliness in his attire
together with that indefinable something in his whole appearance which suggested
one who was his own housekeeper purveyor confidant and friend through
possessing nobody else at all in the world to act in those capacities for him
The remainder of the journey was downhill and guessing him to be going to
Alfredston they offered him a lift which he accepted
Arabella looked at him and looked again till at length she spoke »If I
dont mistake I am talking to Mr Phillotson«
The wayfarer faced round and regarded her in turn »Yes my name is
Phillotson« he said »But I dont recognize you maam«
»I remember you well enough when you used to be schoolmaster out at
Marygreen and I one of your scholars I used to walk up there from Cresscombe
every day because we had only a mistress down at our place and you taught
better But you wouldnt remember me as I should you Arabella Donn«
He shook his head »No« he said politely »I dont recall the name And I
should hardly recognize in your present portly self the slim school child no
doubt you were then«
»Well I always had plenty of flesh on my bones However I am staying down
here with some friends at present You know I suppose who I married«
»No«
»Jude Fawley also a scholar of yours at least a night scholar for some
little time I think And known to you afterwards if I am not mistaken«
»Dear me dear me« said Phillotson starting out of his stiffness »You
Fawleys wife To be sure he had a wife And he I understood «
»Divorced her as you did yours perhaps for better reasons«
»Indeed«
»Well he med have been right in doing it right for both for I soon
married again and all went pretty straight till my husband died lately But you
you were decidedly wrong«
»No« said Phillotson with sudden testiness »I would rather not talk of
this but I am convinced I did only what was right and just and moral I
have suffered for my act and opinions but I hold to them though her loss was a
loss to me in more ways than one«
»You lost your school and good income through her did you not«
»I dont care to talk of it I have recently come back here to Marygreen
I mean«
»You are keeping the school there again just as formerly«
The pressure of a sadness that would out unsealed him »I am there« he
replied »Just as formerly no Merely on sufferance It was a last resource a
small thing to return to after my move upwards and my long indulged hopes a
returning to zero with all its humiliations But it is a refuge I like the
seclusion of the place and the vicar having known me before my socalled
eccentric conduct towards my wife had ruined my reputation as a schoolmaster he
accepted my services when all other schools were closed against me However
although I take fifty pounds a year here after taking above two hundred
elsewhere I prefer it to running the risk of having my old domestic experiences
raked up against me as I should do if I tried to make a move«
»Right you are A contented mind is a continual feast She has done no
better«
»She is not doing well you mean«
»I met her by accident at Kennetbridge this very day and she is anything
but thriving Her husband is ill and she anxious You made a fool of a mistake
about her I tell ee again and the harm you did yourself by dirting your own
nest serves you right excusing the liberty«
»How«
»She was innocent«
»But nonsense They did not even defend the case«
»That was because they didnt care to She was quite innocent of what
obtained you your freedom at the time you obtained it I saw her just
afterwards and proved it to myself completely by talking to her«
Phillotson grasped the edge of the springcart and appeared to be much
stressed and worried by the information »Still she wanted to go« he said
»Yes But you shouldnt have let her Thats the only way with these
fanciful women that chaw high innocent or guilty Shed have come round in
time We all do Custom does it its all the same in the end However I think
shes fond of her man still whatever he med be of her You were too quick
about her I shouldnt have let her go I should have kept her chained on her
spirit for kicking would have been broke soon enough Theres nothing like
bondage and a stonedeaf taskmaster for taming us women Besides youve got the
laws on your side Moses knew Dont you call to mind what he says«
»Not for the moment maam I regret to say«
»Call yourself a schoolmaster I used to think ot when they read it in
church and I was carrying on a bit Then shall the man be guiltless but the
woman shall bear her iniquity Damn rough on us women but we must grin and put
up wi it Haw haw Well shes got her deserts now«
»Yes« said Phillotson with biting sadness »Cruelty is the law pervading
all nature and society and we cant get out of it if we would«
»Well dont you forget to try it next time old man«
»I cannot answer you madam I have never known much of womankind«
They had now reached the low levels bordering Alfredston and passing
through the outskirts approached a mill to which Phillotson said his errand led
him whereupon they drew up and he alighted bidding them goodnight in a
preoccupied mood
In the meantime Sue though remarkably successful in her cakeselling experiment
at Kennetbridge fair had lost the temporary brightness which had begun to sit
upon her sadness on account of that success When all her Christminster cakes
had been disposed of she took upon her arm the empty basket and the cloth which
had covered the standing she had hired and giving the other things to the boy
left the street with him They followed a lane to a distance of half a mile
till they met an old woman carrying a child in short clothes and leading a
toddler in the other hand
Sue kissed the children and said »How is he now«
»Still better« returned Mrs Edlin cheerfully »Before you are upstairs
again your husband will be well enough dont ee trouble«
They turned and came to some old duntiled cottages with gardens and
fruittrees Into one of these they entered by lifting the latch without
knocking and were at once in the general livingroom Here they greeted Jude
who was sitting in an armchair the increased delicacy of his normally delicate
features and the childishly expectant look in his eyes being alone sufficient
to show that he had been passing through a severe illness
»What you have sold them all« he said a gleam of interest lighting up
his face
»Yes Arcades gables east windows and all« She told him the pecuniary
results and then hesitated At last when they were left alone she informed
him of the unexpected meeting with Arabella and the latters widowhood
Jude was discomposed »What is she living here« he said
»No at Alfredston« said Sue
Judes countenance remained clouded »I thought I had better tell you« she
continued kissing him anxiously
»Yes Dear me Arabella not in the depths of London but down here It is
only a little over a dozen miles across the country to Alfredston What is she
doing there«
She told him all she knew »She has taken to chapelgoing« Sue added »and
talks accordingly«
»Well« said Jude »perhaps it is for the best that we have almost decided
to move on I feel much better today and shall be well enough to leave in a
week or two Then Mrs Edlin can go home again dear faithful old soul the
only friend we have in the world«
»Where do you think to go to« Sue asked a troublousness in her tones
Then Jude confessed what was in his mind He said it would surprise her
perhaps after his having resolutely avoided all the old places for so long But
one thing and another had made him think a great deal of Christminster lately
and if she didnt mind he would like to go back there Why should they care if
they were known It was oversensitive of them to mind so much They could go on
selling cakes there for that matter if he couldnt work He had no sense of
shame at mere poverty and perhaps he would be as strong as ever soon and able
to set up stonecutting for himself there
»Why should you care so much for Christminster« she said pensively
»Christminster cares nothing for you poor dear«
»Well I do I cant help it I love the place although I know how it
hates all men like me the socalled Selftaught how it scorns our laboured
acquisitions when it should be the first to respect them how it sneers at our
false quantities and mispronunciations when it should say I see you want help
my poor friend Nevertheless it is the centre of the universe to me because
of my early dream and nothing can alter it Perhaps it will soon wake up and
be generous I pray so I should like to go back to live there perhaps to
die there In two or three weeks I might I think It will then be June and I
should like to be there by a particular day«
His hope that he was recovering proved so far well grounded that in three
weeks they had arrived in the city of many memories were actually treading its
pavements receiving the reflection of the sunshine from its wasting walls
Part Sixth
»And she humbled her body greatly and all the places of her joy
she filled with her torn hair«
Esther Apoc
»There are two who decline a woman and I
And enjoy our death in the darkness here«
R Browning
At Christminster Again
1
On their arrival the station was lively with strawhatted young men welcoming
young girls who bore a remarkable family likeness to their welcomers and who
were dressed up in the brightest and lightest of raiment
»The place seems gay« said Sue »Why it is Remembrance Day Jude how
sly of you you came today on purpose«
»Yes« said Jude quietly as he took charge of the small child and told
Arabellas boy to keep close to them Sue attending to their own eldest »I
thought we might as well come today as on any other«
»But I am afraid it will depress you« she said looking anxiously at him up
and down
»O I mustnt let it interfere with our business and we have a good deal to
do before we shall be settled here The first thing is lodgings«
Having left their luggage and his tools at the station they proceeded on
foot up the familiar street the holiday people all drifting in the same
direction Reaching the Fourways they were about to turn off to where
accommodation was likely to be found when looking at the clock and the hurrying
crowd Jude said »Let us go and see the procession and never mind the lodgings
just now We can get them afterwards«
»Oughtnt we to get a house over our heads first« she asked
But his soul seemed full of the anniversary and together they went down
Chief Street their smallest child in Judes arms Sue leading her little girl
and Arabellas boy walking thoughtfully and silently beside them Crowds of
pretty sisters in airy costumes and meekly ignorant parents who had known no
College in their youth were under convoy in the same direction by brothers and
sons bearing the opinion written large on them that no properly qualified human
beings had lived on earth till they came to grace it here and now
»My failure is reflected on me by every one of those young fellows« said
Jude »A lesson on presumption is awaiting me today Humiliation Day for
me If you my dear darling hadnt come to my rescue I should have gone to
the dogs with despair«
She saw from his face that he was getting into one of his tempestuous
selfharrowing moods »It would have been better if we had gone at once about
our own affairs dear« she answered »I am sure this sight will awaken old
sorrows in you and do no good«
»Well we are near we will see it now« said he
They turned in on the left by the church with the Italian porch whose
helical columns were heavily draped with creepers and pursued the lane till
there arose on Judes sight the circular theatre with that wellknown lantern
above it which stood in his mind as the sad symbol of his abandoned hopes for
it was from that outlook that he had finally surveyed the City of Colleges on
the afternoon of his great meditation which convinced him at last of the
futility of his attempt to be a son of the University
Today in the open space stretching between this building and the nearest
college stood a crowd of expectant people A passage was kept clear through
their midst by two barriers of timber extending from the door of the college to
the door of the large building between it and the theatre
»Here is the place they are just going to pass« cried Jude in sudden
excitement And pushing his way to the front he took up a position close to the
barrier still hugging the youngest child in his arms while Sue and the others
kept immediately behind him The crowd filled in at their back and fell to
talking joking and laughing as carriage after carriage drew up at the lower
door of the college and solemn stately figures in bloodred robes began to
alight The sky had grown overcast and livid and thunder rumbled now and then
Father Time shuddered »It do seem like the Judgment Day« he whispered
»They are only learned Doctors« said Sue
While they waited big drops of rain fell on their heads and shoulders and
the delay grew tedious Sue again wished not to stay
»They wont be long now« said Jude without turning his head
But the procession did not come forth and somebody in the crowd to pass
the time looked at the façade of the nearest college and said he wondered what
was meant by the Latin inscription in its midst Jude who stood near the
inquirer explained it and finding that the people all round him were listening
with interest went on to describe the carving of the frieze which he had
studied years before and to criticize some details of masonry in other college
fronts about the city
The idle crowd including the two policemen at the doors stared like the
Lycaonians at Paul for Jude was apt to get too enthusiastic over any subject in
hand and they seemed to wonder how the stranger should know more about the
buildings of their town than they themselves did till one of them said »Why I
know that man he used to work here years ago Jude Fawley thats his name
Dont you mind he used to be nicknamed Tutor of St Slums dye mind because
he aimed at that line o business Hes married I suppose then and thats his
child hes carrying Taylor would know him as he knows everybody«
The speaker was a man named Jack Stagg with whom Jude had formerly worked
in repairing the college masonries Tinker Taylor was seen to be standing near
Having his attention called the latter cried across the barriers to Jude
»Youve honoured us by coming back again my friend«
Jude nodded
»An you dont seem to have done any great things for yourself by going
away«
Jude assented to this also
»Except found more mouths to fill« This came in a new voice and Jude
recognized its owner to be Uncle Joe another mason whom he had known
Jude replied goodhumouredly that he could not dispute it and from remark
to remark something like a general conversation arose between him and the crowd
of idlers during which Tinker Taylor asked Jude if he remembered the Apostles
Creed in Latin still and the night of the challenge in the publichouse
»But Fortune didnt lie that way« threw in Joe »Yer powers wasnt enough
to carry ee through«
»Dont answer them any more« entreated Sue
»I dont think I like Christminster« murmured little Time mournfully as he
stood submerged and invisible in the crowd
But finding himself the centre of curiosity quizzing and comment Jude was
not inclined to shrink from open declarations of what he had no great reason to
be ashamed of and in a little while was stimulated to say in a loud voice to
the listening throng generally
»It is a difficult question my friends for any young man that question I
had to grapple with and which thousands are weighing at the present moment in
these uprising times whether to follow uncritically the track he finds himself
in without considering his aptness for it or to consider what his aptness or
bent may be and reshape his course accordingly I tried to do the latter and
I failed But I dont admit that my failure proved my view to be a wrong one or
that my success would have made it a right one though thats how we appraise
such attempts nowadays I mean not by their essential soundness but by their
accidental outcomes If I had ended by becoming like one of these gentlemen in
red and black that we saw dropping in here by now everybody would have said
See how wise that young man was to follow the bent of his nature But having
ended no better than I began they say See what a fool that fellow was in
following a freak of his fancy
However it was my poverty and not my will that consented to be beaten It
takes two or three generations to do what I tried to do in one and my impulses
affections vices perhaps they should be called were too strong not to
hamper a man without advantages who should be as coldblooded as a fish and as
selfish as a pig to have a really good chance of being one of his countrys
worthies You may ridicule me I am quite willing that you should I am a fit
subject no doubt But I think if you knew what I have gone through these last
few years you would rather pity me And if they knew he nodded towards the
college at which the Dons were severally arriving it is just possible they
would do the same«
»He do look ill and wornout it is true« said a woman
Sues face grew more emotional but though she stood close to Jude she was
screened
»I may do some good before I am dead be a sort of success as a frightful
example of what not to do and so illustrate a moral story« continued Jude
beginning to grow bitter though he had opened serenely enough »I was perhaps
after all a paltry victim to the spirit of mental and social restlessness that
makes so many unhappy in these days«
»Dont tell them that« whispered Sue with tears at perceiving Judes state
of mind »You werent that You struggled nobly to acquire knowledge and only
the meanest souls in the world would blame you«
Jude shifted the child into a more easy position on his arm and concluded
»And what I appear a sick and poor man is not the worst of me I am in a chaos
of principles groping in the dark acting by instinct and not after example
Eight or nine years ago when I came here first I had a neat stock of fixed
opinions but they dropped away one by one and the further I get the less sure
I am I doubt if I have anything more for my present rule of life than following
inclinations which do me and nobody else any harm and actually give pleasure to
those I love best There gentlemen since you wanted to know how I was getting
on I have told you Much good may it do you I cannot explain further here I
perceive there is something wrong somewhere in our social formulas what it is
can only be discovered by men or women with greater insight than mine if
indeed they ever discover it at least in our time For who knoweth what is
good for man in this life and who can tell a man what shall be after him
under the sun«
»Hear hear« said the populace
»Well preached« said Tinker Taylor And privately to his neighbours »Why
one of them jobbing pasons swarming about here that takes the services when
our head Reverends want a holiday wouldnt ha discoursed such doctrine for
less than a guinea down Hey Ill take my oath not one o em would And then
he must have had it wrote down for n And this only a working man«
As a sort of objective commentary on Judes remarks there drove up at this
moment with a belated Doctor robed and panting a cab whose horse failed to
stop at the exact point required for setting down the hirer who jumped out and
entered the door The driver alighting began to kick the animal in the belly
»If that can be done« said Jude »at college gates in the most religious
and educational city in the world what shall we say as to how far weve got«
»Order« said one of the policemen who had been engaged with a comrade in
opening the large doors opposite the college »Keep yer tongue quiet my man
while the procession passes« The rain came on more heavily and all who had
umbrellas opened them Jude was not one of these and Sue only possessed a small
one half sunshade She had grown pale though Jude did not notice it then
»Let us go on dear« she whispered endeavouring to shelter him »We
havent any lodgings yet remember and all our things are at the station and
you are by no means well yet I am afraid this wet will hurt you«
»They are coming now Just a moment and Ill go« said he
A peal of six bells struck out human faces began to crowd the windows
around and the procession of Heads of Houses and new Doctors emerged their red
and black gowned forms passing across the field of Judes vision like
inaccessible planets across an object glass
As they went their names were called by knowing informants and when they
reached the old round theatre of Wren a cheer rose high
»Lets go that way« cried Jude and though it now rained steadily he seemed
not to know it and took them round to the Theatre Here they stood upon the
straw that was laid to drown the discordant noise of wheels where the quaint
and frosteaten stone busts encircling the building looked with pallid grimness
on the proceedings and in particular at the bedraggled Jude Sue and their
children as at ludicrous persons who had no business there
»I wish I could get in« he said to her fervidly »Listen I may catch a
few words of the Latin speech by staying here the windows are open«
However beyond the peals of the organ and the shouts and hurrahs between
each piece of oratory Judes standing in the wet did not bring much Latin to
his intelligence more than now and then a sonorous word in um or ibus
»Well Im an outsider to the end of my days« he sighed after a while
»Now Ill go my patient Sue How good of you to wait in the rain all this time
to gratify my infatuation Ill never care any more about the infernal cursed
place upon my soul I wont But what made you tremble so when we were at the
barrier And how pale you are Sue«
»I saw Richard amongst the people on the other side«
»Ah did you«
»He is evidently come up to Jerusalem to see the festival like the rest of
us and on that account is probably living not so very far away He had the same
hankering for the University that you had in a milder form I dont think he
saw me though he must have heard you speaking to the crowd But he seemed not
to notice«
»Well suppose he did Your mind is free from worries about him now my
Sue«
»Yes I suppose so But I am weak Although I know it is all right with our
plans I felt a curious dread of him an awe or terror of conventions I dont
believe in It comes over me at times like a sort of creeping paralysis and
makes me so sad«
»You are getting tired Sue O I forgot darling Yes well go on at
once«
They started in quest of the lodging and at last found something that
seemed to promise well in Mildew Lane a spot which to Jude was irresistible
though to Sue it was not so fascinating a narrow lane close to the back of a
college but having no communication with it The little houses were darkened to
gloom by the high collegiate buildings within which life was so far removed
from that of the people in the lane as if it had been on opposite sides of the
globe yet only a thickness of wall divided them Two or three of the houses had
notices of rooms to let and the newcomers knocked at the door of one which a
woman opened
»Ah listen« said Jude suddenly instead of addressing her
»What«
»Why the bells what church can that be The tones are familiar«
Another peal of bells had begun to sound out at some distance off
»I dont know« said the landlady tartly »Did you knock to ask that«
»No for lodgings« said Jude coming to himself
The householder scrutinized Sues figure a moment »We havent any to let«
said she shutting the door
Jude looked discomfited and the boy distressed »Now Jude« said Sue »let
me try You dont know the way«
They found a second place hard by but here the occupier observing not only
Sue but the boy and the small children said civilly »I am sorry to say we
dont let where there are children« and also closed the door
The small child squared its mouth and cried silently with an instinct that
trouble loomed The boy sighed »I dont like Christminster« he said »Are the
great old houses gaols«
»No colleges« said Jude »which perhaps youll study in some day«
»Id rather not« the boy rejoined
»Now well try again« said Sue »Ill pull my cloak more round me
Leaving Kennetbridge for this place is like coming from Caiaphas to Pilate
How do I look now dear«
»Nobody would notice it now« said Jude
There was one other house and they tried a third time The woman here was
more amiable but she had little room to spare and could only agree to take in
Sue and the children if her husband could go elsewhere This arrangement they
perforce adopted in the stress from delaying their search till so late They
came to terms with her though her price was rather high for their pockets But
they could not afford to be critical till Jude had time to get a more permanent
abode and in this house Sue took possession of a back room on the second floor
with an inner closetroom for the children Jude stayed and had a cup of tea
and was pleased to find that the window commanded the back of another of the
colleges Kissing all four he went to get a few necessaries and look for
lodgings for himself
When he was gone the landlady came up to talk a little with Sue and gather
something of the circumstances of the family she had taken in Sue had not the
art of prevarication and after admitting several facts as to their late
difficulties and wanderings she was startled by the landlady saying suddenly
»Are you really a married woman«
Sue hesitated and then impulsively told the woman that her husband and
herself had each been unhappy in their first marriages after which terrified
at the thought of a second irrevocable union and lest the conditions of the
contract should kill their love yet wishing to be together they had literally
not found the courage to repeat it though they had attempted it two or three
times Therefore though in her own sense of the words she was a married woman
in the landladys sense she was not
The housewife looked embarrassed and went downstairs Sue sat by the window
in a reverie watching the rain Her quiet was broken by the noise of some one
entering the house and then the voices of a man and woman in conversation in
the passage below The landladys husband had arrived and she was explaining to
him the incoming of the lodgers during his absence
His voice rose in sudden anger »Now who wants such a woman here and
perhaps a confinement Besides didnt I say I wouldnt have children The
hall and stairs fresh painted to be kicked about by them You must have known
all was not straight with em coming like that Taking in a family when I said
a single man«
The wife expostulated but as it seemed the husband insisted on his point
for presently a tap came to Sues door and the woman appeared
»I am sorry to tell you maam« she said »that I cant let you have the
room for the week after all My husband objects and therefore I must ask you to
go I dont mind your staying over tonight as it is getting late in the
afternoon but I shall be glad if you can leave early in the morning«
Though she knew that she was entitled to the lodging for a week Sue did not
wish to create a disturbance between the wife and husband and she said she
would leave as requested When the landlady had gone Sue looked out of the
window again Finding that the rain had ceased she proposed to the boy that
after putting the little ones to bed they should go out and search about for
another place and bespeak it for the morrow so as not to be so hard driven
then as they had been that day
Therefore instead of unpacking her boxes which had just been sent on from
the station by Jude they sallied out into the damp though not unpleasant
streets Sue resolving not to disturb her husband with the news of her notice to
quit while he was perhaps worried in obtaining a lodging for himself In the
company of the boy she wandered into this street and into that but though she
tried a dozen different houses she fared far worse alone than she had fared in
Judes company and could get nobody to promise her a room for the following
day Every householder looked askance at such a woman and child inquiring for
accommodation in the gloom
»I ought not to be born ought I« said the boy with misgiving
Thoroughly tired at last Sue returned to the place where she was not
welcome but where at least she had temporary shelter In her absence Jude had
left his address but knowing how weak he still was she adhered to her
determination not to disturb him till the next day
2
Sue sat looking at the bare floor of the room the house being little more than
an old intramural cottage and then she regarded the scene outside the
uncurtained window At some distance opposite the outer walls of Sarcophagus
College silent black and windowless threw their four centuries of gloom
bigotry and decay into the little room she occupied shutting out the moonlight
by night and the sun by day The outlines of Rubric College also were
discernible beyond the other and the tower of a third further off still She
thought of the strange operation of a simpleminded mans ruling passion that
it should have led Jude who loved her and the children so tenderly to place
them here in this depressing purlieu because he was still haunted by his dream
Even now he did not distinctly hear the freezing negative that those scholared
walls had echoed to his desire
The failure to find another lodging and the lack of room in this house for
his father had made a deep impression on the boy a brooding undemonstrative
horror seemed to have seized him The silence was broken by his saying »Mother
what shall we do tomorrow«
»I dont know« said Sue despondently »I am afraid this will trouble your
father«
»I wish father was quite well and there had been room for him Then it
wouldnt matter so much Poor father«
»It wouldnt«
»Can I do anything«
»No All is trouble adversity and suffering«
»Father went away to give us children room didnt he«
»Partly«
»It would be better to be out o the world than in it wouldnt it«
»It would almost dear«
»Tis because of us children too isnt it that you cant get a good
lodging«
»Well people do object to children sometimes«
»Then if children make so much trouble why do people have em«
»O because it is a law of nature«
»But we dont ask to be born«
»No indeed«
»And what makes it worse with me is that you are not my real mother and you
neednt have had me unless you liked I oughtnt to have come to ee thats
the real truth I troubled em in Australia and I trouble folk here I wish I
hadnt been born«
»You couldnt help it my dear«
»I think that whenever children be born that are not wanted they should be
killed directly before their souls come to em and not allowed to grow big and
walk about«
Sue did not reply She was doubtfully pondering how to treat this too
reflective child
She at last concluded that so far as circumstances permitted she would be
honest and candid with one who entered into her difficulties like an aged
friend
»There is going to be another in our family soon« she hesitatingly
remarked
»How«
»There is going to be another baby«
»What« The boy jumped up wildly »O God mother youve never asent for
another and such trouble with what youve got«
»Yes I have I am sorry to say« murmured Sue her eyes glistening with
suspended tears
The boy burst out weeping »O you dont care you dont care« he cried in
bitter reproach »How ever could you mother be so wicked and cruel as this
when you neednt have done it till we was better off and father well To
bring us all into more trouble No room for us and father aforced to go away
and we turned out tomorrow and yet you be going to have another of us soon
Tis done o purpose tis tis« He walked up and down sobbing
»Yyou must forgive me little Jude« she pleaded her bosom heaving now as
much as the boys »I cant explain I will when you are older It does seem
as if I had done it on purpose now we are in these difficulties I cant
explain dear But it is not quite on purpose I cant help it«
»Yes it is it must be For nobody would interfere with us like that
unless you agreed I wont forgive you ever ever Ill never believe you care
for me or father or any of us any more«
He got up and went away into the closet adjoining her room in which a bed
had been spread on the floor There she heard him say »If we children was gone
thered be no trouble at all«
»Dont think that dear« she cried rather peremptorily »But go to sleep«
The following morning she awoke at a little past six and decided to get up
and run across before breakfast to the inn which Jude had informed her to be his
quarters to tell him what had happened before he went out She arose softly to
avoid disturbing the children who as she knew must be fatigued by their
exertions of yesterday
She found Jude at breakfast in the obscure tavern he had chosen as a
counterpoise to the expense of her lodging and she explained to him her
homelessness He had been so anxious about her all night he said Somehow now
it was morning the request to leave the lodgings did not seem such a depressing
incident as it had seemed the night before nor did even her failure to find
another place affect her so deeply as at first Jude agreed with her that it
would not be worth while to insist upon her right to stay a week but to take
immediate steps for removal
»You must all come to this inn for a day or two« he said »It is a rough
place and it will not be so nice for the children but we shall have more time
to look round There are plenty of lodgings in the suburbs in my old quarter
of Beersheba Have breakfast with me now you are here my bird You are sure you
are well There will be plenty of time to get back and prepare the childrens
meal before they wake In fact Ill go with you«
She joined Jude in a hasty meal and in a quarter of an hour they started
together resolving to clear out from Sues too respectable lodging immediately
On reaching the place and going upstairs she found that all was quiet in the
childrens room and called to the landlady in timorous tones to please bring up
the teakettle and something for their breakfast This was perfunctorily done
and producing a couple of eggs which she had brought with her she put them into
the boiling kettle and summoned Jude to watch them for the youngsters while
she went to call them it being now about halfpast eight oclock
Jude stood bending over the kettle with his watch in his hand timing the
eggs so that his back was turned to the little inner chamber where the children
lay A shriek from Sue suddenly caused him to start round He saw that the door
of the room or rather closet which had seemed to go heavily upon its hinges
as she pushed it back was open and that Sue had sunk to the floor just within
it Hastening forward to pick her up he turned his eyes to the little bed spread
on the boards no children were there He looked in bewilderment round the room
At the back of the door were fixed two hooks for hanging garments and from
these the forms of the two youngest children were suspended by a piece of
boxcord round each of their necks while from a nail a few yards off the body
of little Jude was hanging in a similar manner An overturned chair was near the
elder boy and his glazed eyes were slanted into the room but those of the girl
and the baby boy were closed
Half paralyzed by the strange and consummate horror of the scene he let Sue
lie cut the cords with his pocketknife and threw the three children on the
bed but the feel of their bodies in the momentary handling seemed to say that
they were dead He caught up Sue who was in fainting fits and put her on the
bed in the other room after which he breathlessly summoned the landlady and ran
out for a doctor
When he got back Sue had come to herself and the two helpless women
bending over the children in wild efforts to restore them and the triplet of
little corpses formed a sight which overthrew his selfcommand The nearest
surgeon came in but as Jude had inferred his presence was superfluous The
children were past saving for though their bodies were still barely cold it was
conjectured that they had been hanging more than an hour The probability held
by the parents later on when they were able to reason on the case was that the
elder boy on waking looked into the outer room for Sue and finding her
absent was thrown into a fit of aggravated despondency that the events and
information of the evening before had induced in his morbid temperament
Moreover a piece of paper was found upon the floor on which was written in the
boys hand with the bit of lead pencil that he carried
»Done because we are too menny«
At sight of this Sues nerves utterly gave way an awful conviction that her
discourse with the boy had been the main cause of the tragedy throwing her into
a convulsive agony which knew no abatement They carried her away against her
wish to a room on the lower floor and there she lay her slight figure shaken
with her gasps and her eyes staring at the ceiling the woman of the house
vainly trying to soothe her
They could hear from this chamber the people moving about above and she
implored to be allowed to go back and was only kept from doing so by the
assurance that if there were any hope her presence might do harm and the
reminder that it was necessary to take care of herself lest she should endanger
a coming life Her inquiries were incessant and at last Jude came down and told
her there was no hope As soon as she could speak she informed him what she had
said to the boy and how she thought herself the cause of this
»No« said Jude »It was in his nature to do it The doctor says there are
such boys springing up amongst us boys of a sort unknown in the last
generation the outcome of new views of life They seem to see all its terrors
before they are old enough to have staying power to resist them He says it is
the beginning of the coming universal wish not to live Hes an advanced man
the doctor but he can give no consolation to «
Jude had kept back his own grief on account of her but he now broke down
and this stimulated Sue to efforts of sympathy which in some degree distracted
her from her poignant selfreproach When everybody was gone she was allowed to
see the children
The boys face expressed the whole tale of their situation On that little
shape had converged all the inauspiciousness and shadow which had darkened the
first union of Jude and all the accidents mistakes fears errors of the last
He was their nodal point their focus their expression in a single term For
the rashness of those parents he had groaned for their illassortment he had
quaked and for the misfortunes of these he had died
When the house was silent and they could do nothing but await the coroners
inquest a subdued large low voice spread into the air of the room from behind
the heavy walls at the back
»What is it« said Sue her spasmodic breathing suspended
»The organ of the College chapel The organist practising I suppose Its
the anthem from the seventythird Psalm Truly God is loving unto Israel«
She sobbed again »O O my babies They had done no harm Why should they
have been taken away and not I«
There was another stillness broken at last by two persons in conversation
somewhere without
»They are talking about us no doubt« moaned Sue »We are made a spectacle
unto the world and to angels and to men«
Jude listened »No they are not talking of us« he said »They are two
clergymen of different views arguing about the eastward position Good God
the eastward position and all creation groaning«
Then another silence till she was seized with another uncontrollable fit of
grief »There is something external to us which says You shant First it said
You shant learn Then it said You shant labour Now it says You shant
love«
He tried to soothe her by saying »Thats bitter of you darling«
»But its true«
Thus they waited and she went back again to her room The babys frock
shoes and socks which had been lying on a chair at the time of his death she
would not now have removed though Jude would fain have got them out of her
sight But whenever he touched them she implored him to let them lie and burst
out almost savagely at the woman of the house when she also attempted to put
them away
Jude dreaded her dull apathetic silences almost more than her paroxysms
»Why dont you speak to me Jude« she cried out after one of these »Dont
turn away from me I cant bear the loneliness of being out of your looks«
»There dear here I am« he said putting his face close to hers
»Yes O my comrade our perfect union our twoinoneness is now
stained with blood«
»Shadowed by death thats all«
»Ah but it was I who incited him really though I didnt know I was doing it I
talked to the child as one should only talk to people of mature age I said the
world was against us that it was better to be out of life than in it at this
price and he took it literally And I told him I was going to have another
child It upset him O how bitterly he upbraided me«
»Why did you do it Sue«
»I cant tell It was that I wanted to be truthful I couldnt bear
deceiving him as to the facts of life And yet I wasnt truthful for with a
false delicacy I told him too obscurely Why was I half wiser than my
fellowwomen and not entirely wiser Why didnt I tell him pleasant untruths
instead of half realities It was my want of selfcontrol so that I could
neither conceal things nor reveal them«
»Your plan might have been a good one for the majority of cases only in our
peculiar case it chanced to work badly perhaps He must have known sooner or
later«
»And I was just making my baby darling a new frock and now I shall never
see him in it and never talk to him any more My eyes are so swollen that I
can scarcely see and yet little more than a year ago I called myself happy We
went about loving each other too much indulging ourselves to utter selfishness
with each other We said do you remember that we would make a virtue of
joy I said it was Natures intention Natures law and raison dêtre that we
should be joyful in what instincts she afforded us instincts which
civilization had taken upon itself to thwart What dreadful things I said And
now Fate has given us this stab in the back for being such fools as to take
Nature at her word«
She sank into a quiet contemplation till she said »It is best perhaps
that they should be gone Yes I see it is Better that they should be
plucked fresh than stay to wither away miserably«
»Yes« replied Jude »Some say that the elders should rejoice when their
children die in infancy«
»But they dont know O my babies my babies could you be alive now You
may say the boy wished to be out of life or he wouldnt have done it It was
not unreasonable for him to die it was part of his incurably sad nature poor
little fellow But then the others my own children and yours«
Again Sue looked at the hanging little frock and at the socks and shoes
and her figure quivered like a string »I am a pitiable creature« she said
»good neither for earth nor heaven any more I am driven out of my mind by
things What ought to be done« She stared at Jude and tightly held his hand
»Nothing can be done« he replied »Things are as they are and will be
brought to their destined issue«
She paused »Yes Who said that« she asked heavily
»It comes in the chorus of the Agamemnon It has been in my mind continually
since this happened«
»My poor Jude how youve missed everything you more than I for I did
get you To think you should know that by your unassisted reading and yet be in
poverty and despair«
After such momentary diversions her grief would return in a wave
The jury duly came and viewed the bodies the inquest was held and next
arrived the melancholy morning of the funeral Accounts in the newspapers had
brought to the spot curious idlers who stood apparently counting the
windowpanes and the stones of the walls Doubt of the real relations of the
couple added zest to their curiosity Sue had declared that she would follow the
two little ones to the grave but at the last moment she gave way and the
coffins were quietly carried out of the house while she was lying down Jude got
into the vehicle and it drove away much to the relief of the landlord who now
had only Sue and her luggage remaining on his hands which he hoped to be also
clear of later on in the day and so to have freed his house from the
exasperating notoriety it had acquired during the week through his wifes
unlucky admission of these strangers In the afternoon he privately consulted
with the owner of the house and they agreed that if any objection to it arose
from the tragedy which had occurred there they would try to get its number
changed
When Jude had seen the two little boxes one containing little Jude and
the other the two smallest deposited in the earth he hastened back to Sue who
was still in her room and he therefore did not disturb her just then Feeling
anxious however he went again about four oclock The woman thought she was
still lying down but returned to him to say that she was not in her bedroom
after all Her hat and jacket too were missing she had gone out Jude hurried
off to the publichouse where he was sleeping She had not been there Then
bethinking himself of possibilities he went along the road to the cemetery
which he entered and crossed to where the interments had recently taken place
The idlers who had followed to the spot by reason of the tragedy were all gone
now A man with a shovel in his hands was attempting to earth in the common
grave of the three children but his arm was held back by an expostulating woman
who stood in the halffilled hole It was Sue whose coloured clothing which
she had never thought of changing for the mourning he had bought suggested to
the eye a deeper grief than the conventional garb of bereavement could express
»Hes filling them in and he shant till Ive seen my little ones again«
she cried wildly when she saw Jude »I want to see them once more O Jude
please Jude I want to see them I didnt know you would let them be taken away
while I was asleep You said perhaps I should see them once more before they
were screwed down and then you didnt but took them away O Jude you are
cruel to me too«
»Shes been wanting me to dig out the grave again and let her get to the
coffins« said the man with the spade »She ought to be took home by the look
o her She is hardly responsible poor thing seemingly Cant dig em up again
now maam Do ye go home with your husband and take it quiet and thank God
that therell be another soon to swage yer grief«
But Sue kept asking piteously »Cant I see them once more just once
Cant I Only just one little minute Jude It would not take long And I should
be so glad Jude I will be so good and not disobey you ever any more Jude if
you will let me I would go home quietly afterwards and not want to see them
any more Cant I Why cant I«
Thus she went on Jude was thrown into such acute sorrow that he almost felt
he would try to get the man to accede But it could do no good and might make
her still worse and he saw that it was imperative to get her home at once So
he coaxed her and whispered tenderly and put his arm round her to support her
till she helplessly gave in and was induced to leave the cemetery
He wished to obtain a fly to take her back in but economy being so
imperative she deprecated his doing so and they walked along slowly Jude in
black crape she in brown and red clothing They were to have gone to a new
lodging that afternoon but Jude saw that it was not practicable and in course
of time they entered the now hated house Sue was at once got to bed and the
doctor sent for
Jude waited all the evening downstairs At a very late hour the intelligence
was brought to him that a child had been prematurely born and that it like the
others was a corpse
3
Sue was convalescent though she had hoped for death and Jude had again
obtained work at his old trade They were in other lodgings now in the
direction of Beersheba and not far from the Church of Ceremonies Saint Silas
They would sit silent more bodeful of the direct antagonism of things than
of their insensate and stolid obstructiveness Vague and quaint imaginings had
haunted Sue in the days when her intellect scintillated like a star that the
world resembled a stanza or melody composed in a dream it was wonderfully
excellent to the halfaroused intelligence but hopelessly absurd at the full
waking that the First Cause worked automatically like a somnambulist and not
reflectively like a sage that at the framing of the terrestrial conditions
there seemed never to have been contemplated such a development of emotional
perceptiveness among the creatures subject to those conditions as that reached
by thinking and educated humanity But affliction makes opposing forces loom
anthropomorphous and those ideas were now exchanged for a sense of Jude and
herself fleeing from a persecutor
»We must conform« she said mournfully »All the ancient wrath of the Power
above us has been vented upon us His poor creatures and we must submit There
is no choice We must It is no use fighting against God«
»It is only against man and senseless circumstance« said Jude
»True« she murmured »What have I been thinking of I am getting as
superstitious as a savage But whoever or whatever our foe may be I am cowed
into submission I have no more fighting strength left no more enterprize I am
beaten beaten We are made a spectacle unto the world and to angels and to
men I am always saying that now«
»I feel the same«
»What shall we do You are in work now but remember it may only be because
our history and relations are not absolutely known Possibly if they knew
our marriage had not been formalized they would turn you out of your job as they
did at Aldbrickham«
»I hardly know Perhaps they would hardly do that However I think that we
ought to make it legal now as soon as you are able to go out«
»You think we ought«
»Certainly«
And Jude fell into thought »I have seemed to myself lately« he said »to
belong to that vast band of men shunned by the virtuous the men called
seducers It amazes me when I think of it I have not been conscious of it or
of any wrongdoing towards you whom I love more than myself Yet I am one of
those men I wonder if any other of them are the same purblind simple creatures
as I Yes Sue thats what I am I seduced you You were a distinct type
a refined creature intended by Nature to be left intact But I couldnt leave
you alone«
»No no Jude« she said quickly »Dont reproach yourself with being what
you are not If anybody is to blame it is I«
»I supported you in your resolve to leave Phillotson and without me perhaps
you wouldnt have urged him to let you go«
»I should have just the same As to ourselves the fact of our not having
entered into a legal contract is the saving feature in our union We have
thereby avoided insulting as it were the solemnity of our first marriages«
»Solemnity« Jude looked at her with some surprise and grew conscious that
she was not the Sue of their earlier time
»Yes« she said with a little quiver in her words »I have had dreadful
fears a dreadful sense of my own insolence of action I have thought that I
am still his wife«
»Whose«
»Richards«
»Good God dearest why«
»O I cant explain Only the thought comes to me«
»It is your weakness a sick fancy without reason or meaning Dont let it
trouble you«
Sue sighed uneasily
As a setoff against such discussions as these there had come an improvement
in their pecuniary position which earlier in their experience would have made
them cheerful Jude had quite unexpectedly found good employment at his old
trade almost directly he arrived the summer weather suiting his fragile
constitution and outwardly his days went on with that monotonous uniformity
which is in itself so grateful after vicissitude People seemed to have
forgotten that he had ever shown any awkward aberrancies and he daily mounted
to the parapets and copings of colleges he could never enter and renewed the
crumbling freestones of mullioned windows he would never look from as if he had
known no wish to do otherwise
There was this change in him that he did not often go to any service at the
churches now One thing troubled him more than any other that Sue and himself
had mentally travelled in opposite directions since the tragedy events which
had enlarged his own views of life laws customs and dogmas had not operated
in the same manner on Sues She was no longer the same as in the independent
days when her intellect played like lambent lightning over conventions and
formalities which he at that time respected though he did not now
On a particular Sunday evening he came in rather late She was not at home
but she soon returned when he found her silent and meditative
»What are you thinking of little woman« he asked curiously
»O I cant tell clearly I have thought that we have been selfish careless
even impious in our courses you and I Our life has been a vain attempt at
selfdelight But selfabnegation is the higher road We should mortify the
flesh the terrible flesh the curse of Adam«
»Sue« he murmured »What has come over you«
»We ought to be continually sacrificing ourselves on the altar of duty But
I have always striven to do what has pleased me I well deserved the scourging I
have got I wish something would take the evil right out of me and all my
monstrous errors and all my sinful ways«
»Sue my own too suffering dear theres no evil woman in you Your
natural instincts are perfectly healthy not quite so impassioned perhaps as I
could wish but good and dear and pure And as I have often said you are
absolutely the most ethereal least sensual woman I ever knew to exist without
inhuman sexlessness Why do you talk in such a changed way We have not been
selfish except when no one could profit by our being otherwise You used to say
that human nature was noble and longsuffering not vile and corrupt and at
last I thought you spoke truly And now you seem to take such a much lower
view«
»I want a humble heart and a chastened mind and I have never had them
yet«
»You have been fearless both as a thinker and as a feeler and you deserved
more admiration than I gave I was too full of narrow dogmas at that time to see
it«
»Dont say that Jude I wish my every fearless word and thought could be
rooted out of my history Selfrenunciation thats everything I cannot
humiliate myself too much I should like to prick myself all over with pins and
bleed out the badness thats in me«
»Hush« he said pressing her little face against his breast as if she were
an infant »It is bereavement that has brought you to this Such remorse is not
for you my sensitive plant but for the wicked ones of the earth who never
feel it«
»I ought not to stay like this« she murmured when she had remained in the
position a long while
»Why not«
»It is indulgence«
»Still on the same tack But is there anything better on earth than that we
should love one another«
»Yes It depends on the sort of love and yours ours is the wrong«
»I wont have it Sue Come when do you wish our marriage to be signed in a
vestry«
She paused and looked up uneasily »Never« she whispered
Not knowing the whole of her meaning he took the objection serenely and
said nothing Several minutes elapsed and he thought she had fallen asleep but
he spoke softly and found that she was wide awake all the time She sat upright
and sighed
»There is a strange indescribable perfume or atmosphere about you tonight
Sue« he said »I mean not only mentally but about your clothes also A sort
of vegetable scent which I seem to know yet cannot remember«
»It is incense«
»Incense«
»I have been to the service at St Silas and I was in the fumes of it«
»Oh St Silas«
»Yes I go there sometimes«
»Indeed You go there«
»You see Jude it is lonely here in the weekday mornings when you are at
work and I think and think of of my « She stopped till she could control the
lumpiness of her throat »And I have taken to go in there as it is so near«
»O well of course I say nothing against it Only it is odd for you They
little think what sort of chiel is amang them«
»What do you mean Jude«
»Well a sceptic to be plain«
»How can you pain me so dear Jude in my trouble Yet I know you didnt
mean it But you ought not to say that«
»I wont But I am much surprised«
»Well I want to tell you something else Jude You wont be angry will
you I have thought of it a good deal since my babies died I dont think I
ought to be your wife or as your wife any longer«
»What But you are«
»From your point of view but «
»Of course we were afraid of the ceremony and a good many others would have
been in our places with such strong reasons for fears But experience has
proved how we misjudged ourselves and overrated our infirmities and if you are
beginning to respect rites and ceremonies as you seem to be I wonder you dont
say it shall be carried out instantly You certainly are my wife Sue in all
but law What do you mean by what you said«
»I dont think I am«
»Not But suppose we had gone through the ceremony Would you feel that you
were then«
»No I should not feel even then that I was I should feel worse than I do
now«
»Why so in the name of all thats perverse my dear«
»Because I am Richards«
»Ah you hinted that absurd fancy to me before«
»It was only an impression with me then I feel more and more convinced as
time goes on that I belong to him or to nobody«
»My good heavens how we are changing places«
»Yes Perhaps so«
Some few days later in the dusk of the summer evening they were sitting in
the same small room downstairs when a knock came to the front door of the
carpenters house where they were lodging and in a few moments there was a tap
at the door of their room Before they could open it the comer did so and a
womans form appeared
»Is Mr Fawley here«
Jude and Sue started as he mechanically replied in the affirmative for the
voice was Arabellas
He formally requested her to come in and she sat down in the window bench
where they could distinctly see her outline against the light but no
characteristic that enabled them to estimate her general aspect and air Yet
something seemed to denote that she was not quite so comfortably circumstanced
nor so bouncingly attired as she had been during Cartletts lifetime
The three attempted an awkward conversation about the tragedy of which Jude
had felt it to be his duty to inform her immediately though she had never
replied to his letter
»I have just come from the cemetery« she said »I inquired and found the
childs grave I couldnt come to the funeral thank you for inviting me all
the same I read all about it in the papers and I felt I wasnt wanted No
I couldnt come to the funeral« repeated Arabella who seeming utterly unable
to reach the ideal of a catastrophic manner fumbled with iterations »But I am
glad I found the grave As tis your trade Jude youll be able to put up a
handsome stone to em«
»I shall put up a headstone« said Jude drearily
»He was my child and naturally I feel for him«
»I hope so We all did«
»The others that werent mine I didnt feel so much for as was natural«
»Of course«
A sigh came from the dark corner where Sue sat
»I had often wished I had mine with me« continued Mrs Cartlett »Perhaps
twouldnt have happened then But of course I didnt wish to take him away from
your wife«
»I am not his wife« came from Sue
The unexpectedness of her words struck Jude silent
»O I beg your pardon Im sure« said Arabella »I thought you were«
Jude had known from the quality of Sues tone that her new and
transcendental views lurked in her words but all except their obvious meaning
was naturally missed by Arabella The latter after evincing that she was
struck by Sues avowal recovered herself and went on to talk with placid
bluntness about her boy for whom though in his lifetime she had shown no care
at all she now exhibited a ceremonial mournfulness that was apparently
sustaining to the conscience She alluded to the past and in making some remark
appealed again to Sue There was no answer Sue had invisibly left the room
»She said she was not your wife« resumed Arabella in another voice »Why
should she do that«
»I cannot inform you« said Jude shortly
»She is isnt she She once told me so«
»I dont criticize what she says«
»Ah I see Well my time is up I am staying here tonight and thought I
could do no less than call after our mutual affliction I am sleeping at the
place where I used to be barmaid and tomorrow I go back to Alfredston Father
is come home again and I am living with him«
»He has returned from Australia« said Jude with languid curiosity
»Yes Couldnt get on there Had a rough time of it Mother died of dys
what do you call it in the hot weather and father and two of the young ones
have just got back He has got a cottage near the old place and for the present
I am keeping house for him«
Judes former wife had maintained a stereotyped manner of strict good
breeding even now that Sue was gone and limited her stay to a number of minutes
that should accord with the highest respectability When she had departed Jude
much relieved went to the stairs and called Sue feeling anxious as to what
had become of her
There was no answer and the carpenter who kept the lodgings said she had
not come in Jude was puzzled and became quite alarmed at her absence for the
hour was growing late The carpenter called his wife who conjectured that Sue
might have gone to St Silas church as she often went there
»Surely not at this time o night« said Jude »It is shut«
»She knows somebody who keeps the key and she has it whenever she wants
it«
»How long has she been going on with this«
»Oh some few weeks I think«
Jude went vaguely in the direction of the church which he had never once
approached since he lived out that way years before when his young opinions
were more mystical than they were now The spot was deserted but the door was
certainly unfastened he lifted the latch without noise and pushing to the door
behind him stood absolutely still inside The prevalent silence seemed to
contain a faint sound explicable as a breathing or a sobbing which came from
the other end of the building The floorcloth deadened his footsteps as he
moved in that direction through the obscurity which was broken only by the
faintest reflected nightlight from without
High overhead above the chancel steps Jude could discern a huge solidly
constructed Latin cross as large probably as the original it was designed to
commemorate It seemed to be suspended in the air by invisible wires it was set
with large jewels which faintly glimmered in some weak ray caught from outside
as the cross swayed to and fro in a silent and scarcely perceptible motion
Underneath upon the floor lay what appeared to be a heap of black clothes and
from this was repeated the sobbing that he had heard before It was his Sues
form prostrate on the paving
»Sue« he whispered
Something white disclosed itself she had turned up her face
»What do you want with me here Jude« she said almost sharply »You
shouldnt come I wanted to be alone Why did you intrude here«
»How can you ask« he retorted in quick reproach for his full heart was
wounded to its centre at this attitude of hers towards him »Why do I come Who
has a right to come I should like to know if I have not I who love you
better than my own self better O far better than you have loved me What
made you leave me to come here alone«
»Dont criticize me Jude I cant bear it I have often told you so You
must take me as I am I am a wretch broken by my distractions I couldnt bear
it when Arabella came I felt so utterly miserable I had to come away She
seems to be your wife still and Richard to be my husband«
»But they are nothing to us«
»Yes dear friend they are I see marriage differently now My babies have
been taken from me to show me this Arabellas child killing mine was a judgment
the right slaying the wrong What what shall I do I am such a vile creature
too worthless to mix with ordinary human beings«
»This is terrible« said Jude verging on tears »It is monstrous and
unnatural for you to be so remorseful when you have done no wrong«
»Ah you dont know my badness«
He returned vehemently »I do Every atom and dreg of it You make me hate
Christianity or mysticism or Sacerdotalism or whatever it may be called if
its that which has caused this deterioration in you That a womanpoet a
womanseer a woman whose soul shone like a diamond whom all the wise of the
world would have been proud of if they could have known you should degrade
herself like this I am glad I had nothing to do with Divinity damn glad if
its going to ruin you in this way«
»You are angry Jude and unkind to me and dont see how things are«
»Then come along home with me dearest and perhaps I shall I am
overburdened and you too are unhinged just now« He put his arm round her
and lifted her but though she came she preferred to walk without his support
»I dont dislike you Jude« she said in a sweet and imploring voice »I
love you as much as ever Only I ought not to love you any more O I must
not any more«
»I cant own it«
»But I have made up my mind that I am not your wife I belong to him I
sacramentally joined myself to him for life Nothing can alter it«
»But surely we are man and wife if ever two people were in this world
Natures own marriage it is unquestionably«
»But not Heavens Another was made for me there and ratified eternally in
the church at Melchester«
»Sue Sue affliction has brought you to this unreasonable state After
converting me to your views on so many things to find you suddenly turn to the
rightabout like this for no reason whatever confounding all you have
formerly said through sentiment merely You root out of me what little affection
and reverence I had left in me for the Church as an old acquaintance What I
cant understand in you is your extraordinary blindness now to your old logic
Is it peculiar to you or is it common to woman Is a woman a thinking unit at
all or a fraction always wanting its integer How you argued that marriage was
only a clumsy contract which it is how you showed all the objections to it
all the absurdities If two and two made four when we were happy together
surely they make four now I cant understand it I repeat«
»Ah dear Jude thats because you are like a totally deaf man observing
people listening to music You say What are they regarding Nothing is there
But something is«
»That is a hard saying from you and not a true parallel You threw off old
husks of prejudices and taught me to do it and now you go back upon yourself
I confess I am utterly stultified in my estimate of you«
»Dear friend my only friend dont be hard with me I cant help being as I
am I am convinced I am right that I see the light at last But O how to
profit by it«
They walked along a few more steps till they were outside the building and
she had returned the key »Can this be the girl« said Jude when she came back
feeling a slight renewal of elasticity now that he was in the open street »can
this be the girl who brought the Pagan deities into this most Christian city
who mimicked Miss Fontover when she crushed them with her heel quoted Gibbon
and Shelley and Mill Where are dear Apollo and dear Venus now«
»O dont dont be so cruel to me Jude and I so unhappy« she sobbed »I
cant bear it I was in error I cannot reason with you I was wrong proud in
my own conceit Arabellas coming was the finish Dont satirize me it cuts
like a knife«
He flung his arms round her and kissed her passionately there in the silent
street before she could hinder him They went on till they came to a little
coffeehouse »Jude« she said with suppressed tears »would you mind getting a
lodging here«
»I will if if you really wish But do you Let me go to our door and
understand you«
He went and conducted her in She said she wanted no supper and went in the
dark upstairs and struck a light Turning she found that Jude had followed her
and was standing at the chamber door She went to him put her hand in his and
said »Goodnight«
»But Sue Dont we live here«
»You said you would do as I wished«
»Yes Very well Perhaps it was wrong of me to argue distastefully as I
have done Perhaps as we couldnt conscientiously marry at first in the
oldfashioned way we ought to have parted Perhaps the world is not illuminated
enough for such experiments as ours Who were we to think we could act as
pioneers«
»I am so glad you see that much at any rate I never deliberately meant to
do as I did I slipped into my false position through jealousy and agitation«
»But surely through love you loved me«
»Yes But I wanted to let it stop there and go on always as mere lovers
until «
»But people in love couldnt live for ever like that«
»Women could men cant because they wont An average woman is in this
superior to an average man that she never instigates only responds We ought
to have lived in mental communion and no more«
»I was the unhappy cause of the change as I have said before Well as
you will But human nature cant help being itself«
»O yes thats just what it has to learn selfmastery«
»I repeat if either were to blame it was not you but I«
»No it was I Your wickedness was only the natural mans desire to possess
the woman Mine was not the reciprocal wish till envy stimulated me to oust
Arabella I had thought I ought in charity to let you approach me that it was
damnably selfish to torture you as I did my other friend But I shouldnt have
given way if you hadnt broken me down by making me fear you would go back to
her But dont let us say any more about it Jude will you leave me to
myself now«
»Yes But Sue my wife as you are« he burst out »my old reproach to
you was after all a true one You have never loved me as I love you never
never Yours is not a passionate heart your heart does not burn in a flame
You are upon the whole a sort of fay or sprite not a woman«
»At first I did not love you Jude that I own When I first knew you I
merely wanted you to love me I did not exactly flirt with you but that inborn
craving which undermines some womens morals almost more than unbridled passion
the craving to attract and captivate regardless of the injury it may do the
man was in me and when I found I had caught you I was frightened And then
I dont know how it was I couldnt bear to let you go possibly to Arabella
again and so I got to love you Jude But you see however fondly it ended it
began in the selfish and cruel wish to make your heart ache for me without
letting mine ache for you«
»And now you add to your cruelty by leaving me«
»Ah yes The further I flounder the more harm I do«
»O Sue« said he with a sudden sense of his own danger »Do not do an
immoral thing for moral reasons You have been my social salvation Stay with me
for humanitys sake You know what a weak fellow I am My two Arch Enemies you
know my weakness for womankind and my impulse to strong liquor Dont abandon
me to them Sue to save your own soul only They have been kept entirely at a
distance since you became my guardianangel Since I have had you I have been
able to go into any temptations of the sort without risk Isnt my safety worth
a little sacrifice of dogmatic principle I am in terror lest if you leave me
it will be with me another case of the pig that was washed turning back to his
wallowing in the mire«
Sue burst out weeping »O but you must not Jude You wont Ill pray for
you night and day«
»Well never mind dont grieve« said Jude generously »I did suffer God
knows about you at that time and now I suffer again But perhaps not so much
as you The woman mostly gets the worst of it in the long run«
»She does«
»Unless she is absolutely worthless and contemptible And this one is not
that anyhow«
Sue drew a nervous breath or two »She is I fear Now Jude
goodnight please«
»I mustnt stay Not just once more As it has been so many times O Sue
my wife why not«
»No no not wife I am in your hands Jude dont tempt me back now I
have advanced so far«
»Very well I do your bidding I owe that to you darling in penance for
how I overruled it at the first time My God how selfish I was Perhaps
perhaps I spoilt one of the highest and purest loves that ever existed between
man and woman Then let the veil of our temple be rent in two from this
hour«
He went to the bed removed one of the pair of pillows thereon and flung it
to the floor
Sue looked at him and bending over the bedrail wept silently »You dont
see that it is a matter of conscience with me and not of dislike to you« she
brokenly murmured »Dislike to you But I cant say any more it breaks my
heart it will be undoing all I have begun Jude goodnight«
»Goodnight« he said and turned to go
»O but you shall kiss me« said she starting up »I cant bear «
He clasped her and kissed her weeping face as he had scarcely ever done
before and they remained in silence till she said »Goodbye goodbye« And
then gently pressing him away she got free trying to mitigate the sadness by
saying »Well be dear friends just the same Jude wont we And well see each
other sometimes Yes and forget all this and try to be as we were long
ago«
Jude did not permit himself to speak but turned and descended the stairs
4
The man whom Sue in her mental volteface was now regarding as her inseparable
husband lived still at Marygreen
On the day before the tragedy of the children Phillotson had seen both her
and Jude as they stood in the rain at Christminster watching the procession to
the Theatre But he had said nothing of it at the moment to his companion
Gillingham who being an old friend was staying with him at the village
aforesaid and had indeed suggested the days trip to Christminster
»What are you thinking of« said Gillingham as they went home »The
University degree you never obtained«
»No no« said Phillotson gruffly »Of somebody I saw today« In a moment
he added »Susanna«
»I saw her too«
»You said nothing«
»I didnt wish to draw your attention to her But as you did see her you
should have said How dye do my dearthatwas«
»Ah well I might have But what do you think of this I have good reason
for supposing that she was innocent when I divorced her that I was all wrong
Yes indeed Awkward isnt it«
»She has taken care to set you right since anyhow apparently«
»Hm Thats a cheap sneer I ought to have waited unquestionably«
At the end of the week when Gillingham had gone back to his school near
Shaston Phillotson as was his custom went to Alfredston market ruminating
again on Arabellas intelligence as he walked down the long hill which he had
known before Jude knew it though his history had not beaten so intensely upon
its incline Arrived in the town he bought his usual weekly local paper and
when he had sat down in an inn to refresh himself for the five miles walk back
he pulled the paper from his pocket and read awhile The account of the »Strange
suicide of a stonemasons children« met his eye
Unimpassioned as he was it impressed him painfully and puzzled him not a
little for he could not understand the age of the elder child being what it was
stated to be However there was no doubt that the newspaper report was in some
way true
»Their cup of sorrow is now full« he said and thought and thought of Sue
and what she had gained by leaving him
Arabella having made her home at Alfredston and the schoolmaster coming to
market there every Saturday it was not wonderful that in a few weeks they met
again the precise time being just after her return from Christminster where
she had stayed much longer than she had at first intended keeping an interested
eye on Jude though Jude had seen no more of her Phillotson was on his way
homeward when he encountered Arabella and she was approaching the town
»You like walking out this way Mrs Cartlett« he said
»Ive just begun to again« she replied »It is where I lived as maid and
wife and all the past things of my life that are interesting to my feelings are
mixed up with this road And they have been stirred up in me too lately for
Ive been visiting at Christminster Yes Ive seen Jude«
»Ah How do they bear their terrible affliction«
»In a very strange way very strange She dont live with him any longer
I only heard of it as a certainty just before I left though I had thought
things were drifting that way from their manner when I called on them«
»Not live with her husband Why I should have thought twould have united
them more«
»Hes not her husband after all She has never really married him although
they have passed as man and wife so long And now instead of this sad event
making em hurry up and get the thing done legally shes took in a queer
religious way just as I was in my affliction at losing Cartlett only hers is
of a more sterical sort than mine And she says so I was told that shes your
wife in the eye of Heaven and the Church yours only and cant be anybody
elses by any act of man«
»Ah indeed Separated have they«
»You see the eldest boy was mine «
»O yours«
»Yes poor little fellow born in lawful wedlock thank God And perhaps
she feels over and above other things that I ought to have been in her place
I cant say However as for me I am soon off from here Ive got father to
look after now and we cant live in such a humdrum place as this I hope soon
to be in a bar again at Christminster or some other big town«
They parted When Phillotson had ascended the hill a few steps he stopped
hastened back and called her
»What is or was their address«
Arabella gave it
»Thank you Good afternoon«
Arabella smiled grimly as she resumed her way and practised dimplemaking
all along the road from where the pollard willows begin to the old almshouses in
the first street of the town
Meanwhile Phillotson ascended to Marygreen and for the first time during a
lengthened period he lived with a forward eye On crossing under the large trees
of the green to the humble schoolhouse to which he had been reduced he stood a
moment and pictured Sue coming out of the door to meet him No man had ever
suffered more inconvenience from his own charity Christian or heathen than
Phillotson had done in letting Sue go He had been knocked about from pillar to
post at the hands of the virtuous almost beyond endurance he had been nearly
starved and was now dependent entirely upon the very small stipend from the
school of this village where the parson had got illspoken of for befriending
him He had often thought of Arabellas remarks that he should have been more
severe with Sue that her recalcitrant spirit would soon have been broken Yet
such was his obstinate and illogical disregard of opinion and of the principles
in which he had been trained that his convictions on the rightness of his
course with his wife had not been disturbed
Principles which could be subverted by feeling in one direction were liable
to the same catastrophe in another The instincts which had allowed him to give
Sue her liberty now enabled him to regard her as none the worse for her life
with Jude He wished for her still in his curious way if he did not love her
and apart from policy soon felt that he would be gratified to have her again
as his always provided that she came willingly
But artifice was necessary he had found for stemming the cold and inhumane
blast of the worlds contempt And here were the materials ready made By
getting Sue back and remarrying her on the respectable plea of having
entertained erroneous views of her and gained his divorce wrongfully he might
acquire some comfort resume his old courses perhaps return to the Shaston
school if not even to the Church as a licentiate
He thought he would write to Gillingham to inquire his views and what he
thought of his Phillotsons sending a letter to her Gillingham replied
naturally that now she was gone it were best to let her be and considered that
if she were anybodys wife she was the wife of the man to whom she had borne
three children and owed such tragical adventures Probably as his attachment to
her seemed unusually strong the singular pair would make their union legal in
course of time and all would be well and decent and in order
»But they wont Sue wont« exclaimed Phillotson to himself »Gillingham
is so matteroffact Shes affected by Christminster sentiment and teaching I
can see her views on the indissolubility of marriage well enough and I know
where she got them They are not mine but I shall make use of them to further
mine«
He wrote a brief reply to Gillingham »I know I am entirely wrong but I
dont agree with you As to her having lived with and had three children by him
my feeling is though I can advance no logical or moral defence of it on the
old lines that it has done little more than finish her education I shall write
to her and learn whether what that woman said is true or no«
As he had made up his mind to do this before he had written to his friend
there had not been much reason for writing to the latter at all However it was
Phillotsons way to act thus
He accordingly addressed a carefully considered epistle to Sue and knowing
her emotional temperament threw a Rhadamanthine strictness into the lines here
and there carefully hiding his heterodox feelings not to frighten her He
stated that it having come to his knowledge that her views had considerably
changed he felt compelled to say that his own too were largely modified by
events subsequent to their parting He would not conceal from her that
passionate love had little to do with his communication It arose from a wish to
make their lives if not a success at least no such disastrous failure as they
threatened to become through his acting on what he had considered at the time a
principle of justice charity and reason
To indulge ones instinctive and uncontrolled sense of justice and right
was not he had found permitted with impunity in an old civilization like ours
It was necessary to act under an acquired and cultivated sense of the same if
you wished to enjoy an average share of comfort and honour and to let crude
lovingkindness take care of itself
He suggested that she should come to him there at Marygreen
On second thoughts he took out the last paragraph but one and having
rewritten the letter he despatched it immediately and in some excitement
awaited the issue
A few days after a figure moved through the white fog which enveloped the
Beersheba suburb of Christminster towards the quarter in which Jude Fawley had
taken up his lodging since his division from Sue A timid knock sounded upon the
door of his abode
It was evening so he was at home and by a species of divination he jumped
up and rushed to the door himself
»Will you come out with me I would rather not come in I want to to talk
with you and to go with you to the cemetery«
It had been in the trembling accents of Sue that these words came Jude put
on his hat »It is dreary for you to be out« he said »But if you prefer not to
come in I dont mind«
»Yes I do I shall not keep you long«
Jude was too much affected to go on talking at first she too was now such
a mere cluster of nerves that all initiatory power seemed to have left her and
they proceeded through the fog like Acherontic shades for a long while without
sound or gesture
»I want to tell you« she presently said her voice now quick now slow »so
that you may not hear of it by chance I am going back to Richard He has so
magnanimously agreed to forgive all«
»Going back How can you go «
»He is going to marry me again That is for forms sake and to satisfy the
world which does not see things as they are But of course I am his wife
already Nothing has changed that«
He turned upon her with an anguish that was wellnigh fierce
»But you are my wife Yes you are You know it I have always regretted
that feint of ours in going away and pretending to come back legally married to
save appearances I loved you and you loved me and we closed with each other
and that made the marriage We still love you as well as I I know it Sue
Therefore our marriage is not cancelled«
»Yes I know how you see it« she answered with despairing selfsuppression
»But I am going to marry him again as it would be called by you Strictly
speaking you too dont mind my saying it Jude you should take back
Arabella«
»I should Good God what next But how if you and I had married legally
as we were on the point of doing«
»I should have felt just the same that ours was not a marriage And I
would go back to Richard without repeating the sacrament if he asked me But
»the world and its ways have a certain worth« I suppose therefore I concede a
repetition of the ceremony Dont crush all the life out of me by satire and
argument I implore you I was strongest once I know and perhaps I treated you
cruelly But Jude return good for evil I am the weaker now Dont retaliate
upon me but be kind O be kind to me a poor wicked woman who is trying to
mend«
He shook his head hopelessly his eyes wet The blow of her bereavement
seemed to have destroyed her reasoning faculty The once keen vision was dimmed
»All wrong all wrong« he said huskily »Error perversity It drives me out
of my senses Do you care for him Do you love him You know you dont It will
be a fanatic prostitution God forgive me yes thats what it will be«
»I dont love him I must must own it in deepest remorse But I shall
try to learn to love him by obeying him«
Jude argued urged implored but her conviction was proof against all It
seemed to be the one thing on earth on which she was firm and that her firmness
in this had left her tottering in every other impulse and wish she possessed
»I have been considerate enough to let you know the whole truth and to tell
it you myself« she said in cut tones »that you might not consider yourself
slighted by hearing of it at secondhand I have even owned the extreme fact
that I do not love him I did not think you would be so rough with me for doing
so I was going to ask you«
»To give you away«
»No To send my boxes to me if you would But I suppose you wont«
»Why of course I will What isnt he coming to fetch you to marry you
from here He wont condescend to do that«
»No I wont let him I go to him voluntarily just as I went away from
him We are to be married at his little church at Marygreen«
She was so sadly sweet in what he called her wrongheadedness that Jude could
not help being moved to tears more than once for pity of her »I never knew such
a woman for doing impulsive penances as you Sue No sooner does one expect you
to go straight on as the one rational proceeding than you double round the
corner«
»Ah well let that go Jude I must say goodbye But I wanted you to go
to the cemetery with me Let our farewell be there beside the graves of those
who died to bring home to me the error of my views«
They turned in the direction of the place and the gate was opened to them
on application Sue had been there often and she knew the way to the spot in
the dark They reached it and stood still
»It is here I should like to part« said she
»So be it«
»Dont think me hard because I have acted on conviction Your generous
devotion to me is unparalleled Jude Your worldly failure if you have failed
is to your credit rather than to your blame Remember that the best and greatest
among mankind are those who do themselves no worldly good Every successful man
is more or less a selfish man The devoted fail Charity seeketh not her
own«
»In that chapter we are at one ever beloved darling and on it well part
friends Its verses will stand fast when all the rest that you call religion has
passed away«
»Well dont discuss it Goodbye Jude my fellowsinner and kindest
friend«
»Goodbye my mistaken wife Goodbye«
5
The next afternoon the familiar Christminster fog still hung over all things
Sues slim shape was only just discernible going towards the station
Jude had no heart to go to his work that day Neither could he go anywhere
in the direction by which she would be likely to pass He went in an opposite
one to a dreary strange flat scene where boughs dripped and coughs and
consumption lurked and where he had never been before
»Sues gone from me gone« he murmured miserably
She in the meantime had left by the train and reached Alfredston Road
where she entered the steamtram and was conveyed into the town It had been her
request to Phillotson that he should not meet her She wished she said to come
to him voluntarily to his very house and hearthstone
It was Friday evening which had been chosen because the schoolmaster was
disengaged at four oclock that day till the Monday morning following The
little car she hired at The Bear to drive her to Marygreen set her down at the
end of the lane halfamile from the village by her desire and preceded her
to the schoolhouse with such portion of her luggage as she had brought On its
return she encountered it and asked the driver if he had found the masters
house open The man informed her that he had and that her things had been taken
in by the schoolmaster himself
She could now enter Marygreen without exciting much observation She crossed
by the well and under the trees to the pretty new school on the other side and
lifted the latch of the dwelling without knocking Phillotson stood in the
middle of the room awaiting her as requested
»Ive come Richard« said she looking pale and shaken and sinking into a
chair »I cannot believe you forgive your wife«
»Everything darling Susanna« said Phillotson
She started at the endearment though it had been spoken advisedly without
fervour Then she nerved herself again
»My children are dead and it is right that they should be I am glad
almost They were sinbegotten They were sacrificed to teach me how to live
their death was the first stage of my purification Thats why they have not
died in vain You will take me back«
He was so stirred by her pitiful words and tone that he did more than he had
meant to do He bent and kissed her cheek
Sue imperceptibly shrank away her flesh quivering under the touch of his
lips
Phillotsons heart sank for desire was renascent in him »You still have an
aversion to me«
»O no dear I have been driving through the damp and I was chilly« she
said with a hurried smile of apprehension »When are we going to have the
marriage Soon«
»Tomorrow morning early I thought if you really wish I am sending
round to the vicar to let him know you are come I have told him all and he
highly approves he says it will bring our lives to a triumphant and
satisfactory issue But are you sure of yourself It is not too late to refuse
now if you think you cant bring yourself to it you know«
»Yes yes I can I want it done quick Tell him tell him at once My
strength is tried by the undertaking I cant wait long«
»Have something to eat and drink then and go over to your room at Mrs
Edlins Ill tell the vicar halfpast eight tomorrow before anybody is about
if thats not too soon for you My friend Gillingham is here to help us in the
ceremony Hes been good enough to come all the way from Shaston at great
inconvenience to himself«
Unlike a woman in ordinary whose eye is so keen for material things Sue
seemed to see nothing of the room they were in or any detail of her
environment But on moving across the parlour to put down her muff she uttered a
little »O« and grew paler than before Her look was that of the condemned
criminal who catches sight of his coffin
»What« said Phillotson
The flap of the bureau chanced to be open and in placing her muff upon it
her eye had caught a document which lay there »O only a funny surprise«
she said trying to laugh away her cry as she came back to the table
»Ah yes« said Phillotson »The license It has just come«
Gillingham now joined them from his room above and Sue nervously made
herself agreeable to him by talking on whatever she thought likely to interest
him except herself though that interested him most of all She obediently eat
some supper and prepared to leave for her lodging hard by Phillotson crossed
the green with her bidding her goodnight at Mrs Edlins door
The old woman accompanied Sue to her temporary quarters and helped her to
unpack Among other things she laid out a nightgown tastefully embroidered
»O I didnt know that was put in« said Sue quickly »I didnt mean it to
be Here is a different one« She handed a new and absolutely plain garment of
coarse and unbleached calico
»But this is the prettiest« said Mrs Edlin »That one is no better than
very sackcloth o Scripture«
»Yes I meant it to be Give me the other«
She took it and began rending it with all her might the tears resounding
through the house like a screechowl
»But my dear dear whatever«
»It is adulterous It signifies what I dont feel I bought it long ago
to please Jude It must be destroyed«
Mrs Edlin lifted her hands and Sue excitedly continued to tear the linen
into strips laying the pieces in the fire
»You med ha give it to me« said the widow »It do make my heart ache to
see such pretty openwork as that aburned by the flames not that ornamental
nightrails can be much use to a ould ooman like I My days for such be all
past and gone«
»It is an accursed thing it reminds me of what I want to forget« Sue
repeated »It is only fit for the fire«
»Lord you be too strict What do ye use such words for and condemn to hell
your dear little innocent children thats lost to ee Upon my life I dont call
that religion«
Sue flung her face upon the bed sobbing »O dont dont That kills me«
She remained shaken with her grief and slipped down upon her knees
»Ill tell ee what you ought not to marry this man again« said Mrs
Edlin indignantly »You are in love wi t other still«
»Yes I must I am his already«
»Pshoo You be t other mans If you didnt like to commit yourselves to
the binding vow again just at first twas all the more credit to your
consciences considering your reasons and you med ha lived on and made it all
right at last After all it concerned nobody but your own two selves«
»Richard says hell have me back and Im bound to go If he had refused it
might not have been so much my duty to give up Jude But « She remained with
her face in the bedclothes and Mrs Edlin left the room
Phillotson in the interval had gone back to his friend Gillingham who still
sat over the suppertable They soon rose and walked out on the green to smoke
awhile A light was burning in Sues room a shadow moving now and then across
the blind
Gillingham had evidently been impressed with the indefinable charm of Sue
and after a silence he said »Well youve all but got her again at last She
cant very well go a second time The pear has dropped into your hand«
»Yes I suppose I am right in taking her at her word I confess there
seems a touch of selfishness in it Apart from her being what she is of course
a luxury for a fogey like me it will set me right in the eyes of the clergy and
orthodox laity who have never forgiven me for letting her go So I may get back
in some degree into my old track«
»Well if youve got any sound reason for marrying her again do it now in
Gods name I was always against your opening the cagedoor and letting the bird
go in such an obviously suicidal way You might have been a school inspector by
this time or a reverend if you hadnt been so weak about her«
»I did myself irreparable damage I know it«
»Once youve got her housed again stick to her«
Phillotson was more evasive tonight He did not care to admit clearly that
his taking Sue to him again had at bottom nothing to do with repentance of
letting her go but was primarily a human instinct flying in the face of
custom and profession He said »Yes I shall do that I know woman better now
Whatever justice there was in releasing her there was little logic for one
holding my views on other subjects«
Gillingham looked at him and wondered whether it would ever happen that the
reactionary spirit induced by the worlds sneers and his own physical wishes
would make Phillotson more orthodoxly cruel to her than he had erstwhile been
informally and perversely kind
»I perceive it wont do to give way to impulse« Phillotson resumed feeling
more and more every minute the necessity of acting up to his position »I flew
in the face of the Churchs teaching but I did it without malice prepense
Women are so strange in their influence that they tempt you to misplaced
kindness However I know myself better now A little judicious severity
perhaps«
»Yes but you must tighten the reins by degrees only Dont be too strenuous
at first Shell come to any terms in time«
The caution was unnecessary though Phillotson did not say so »I remember
what my vicar at Shaston said when I left after the row that was made about my
agreeing to her elopement The only thing you can do to retrieve your position
and hers is to admit your error in not restraining her with a wise and strong
hand and to get her back again if shell come and be firm in the future But I
was so headstrong at that time that I paid no heed And that after the divorce
she should have thought of doing so I did not dream«
The gate of Mrs Edlins cottage clicked and somebody began crossing in the
direction of the school Phillotson said »Goodnight«
»O is that Mr Phillotson« said Mrs Edlin »I was going over to see ee
Ive been upstairs with her helping her to unpack her things and upon my word
sir I dont think this ought to be«
»What the wedding«
»Yes Shes forcing herself to it poor dear little thing and youve no
notion what shes suffering I was never much for religion nor against it but
it cant be right to let her do this and you ought to persuade her out of it
Of course everybody will say it was very good and forgiving of ee to take her
to ee again But for my part I dont«
»Its her wish and I am willing« said Phillotson with grave reserve
opposition making him illogically tenacious now »A great piece of laxity will
be rectified«
»I dont believe it Shes his wife if anybodys Shes had three children
by him and he loves her dearly and its a wicked shame to egg her on to this
poor little quivering thing Shes got nobody on her side The one man whod be
her friend the obstinate creature wont allow to come near her What first put
her into this mood o mind I wonder«
»I cant tell Not I certainly It is all voluntary on her part Now thats
all I have to say« Phillotson spoke stiffly »Youve turned round Mrs Edlin
It is unseemly of you«
»Well I knowed youd be affronted at what I had to say but I dont mind
that The truths the truth«
»Im not affronted Mrs Edlin Youve been too kind a neighbour for that
But I must be allowed to know whats best for myself and Susanna I suppose you
wont go to church with us then«
»No Be hanged if I can I dont know what the times be coming to Matrimony
have growed to be that serious in these days that one really do feel afeard to
move in it at all In my time we took it more careless and I dont know that we
was any the worse for it When I and my poor man were jined in it we kept up the
junketing all the week and drunk the parish dry and had to borrow halfacrown
to begin housekeeping«
When Mrs Edlin had gone back to her cottage Phillotson spoke moodily »I
dont know whether I ought to do it at any rate quite so rapidly«
»Why«
»If she is really compelling herself to this against her instincts merely
from this new sense of duty or religion I ought perhaps to let her wait a
bit«
»Now youve got so far you ought not to back out of it Thats my opinion«
»I cant very well put it off now thats true But I had a qualm when she
gave that little cry at sight of the license«
»Now never you have qualms old boy I mean to give her away tomorrow
morning and you mean to take her It has always been on my conscience that I
didnt urge more objections to your letting her go and now weve got to this
stage I shant be content if I dont help you to set the matter right«
Phillotson nodded and seeing how staunch his friend was became more frank
»No doubt when it gets known what Ive done I shall be thought a soft fool by
many But they dont know Sue as I do Though so elusive hers is such an honest
nature at bottom that I dont think she has ever done anything against her
conscience The fact of her having lived with Fawley goes for nothing At the
time she left me for him she thought she was quite within her right Now she
thinks otherwise«
The next morning came and the selfsacrifice of the woman on the altar of
what she was pleased to call her principles was acquiesced in by these two
friends each from his own point of view Phillotson went across to the Widow
Edlins to fetch Sue a few minutes after eight oclock The fog of the previous
day or two on the lowlands had travelled up here by now and the trees on the
green caught armfuls and turned them into showers of big drops The bride was
waiting ready bonnet and all on She had never in her life looked so much like
the lily her name connoted as she did in that pallid morning light Chastened
worldweary remorseful the strain on her nerves had preyed upon her flesh and
bones and she appeared smaller in outline than she had formerly done though
Sue had not been a large woman in her days of rudest health
»Prompt« said the schoolmaster magnanimously taking her hand But he
checked his impulse to kiss her remembering her start of yesterday which
unpleasantly lingered in his mind
Gillingham joined them and they left the house Widow Edlin continuing
steadfast in her refusal to assist in the ceremony
»Where is the church« said Sue She had not lived there for any length of
time since the old church was pulled down and in her preoccupation forgot the
new one
»Up here« said Phillotson and presently the tower loomed large and solemn
in the fog The vicar had already crossed to the building and when they entered
he said pleasantly »We almost want candles«
»You do wish me to be yours Richard« gasped Sue in a whisper
»Certainly dear above all things in the world«
Sue said no more and for the second or third time he felt he was not quite
following out the humane instinct which had induced him to let her go
There they stood five altogether the parson the clerk the couple and
Gillingham and the holy ordinance was resolemnized forthwith In the nave of
the edifice were two or three villagers and when the clergyman came to the
words »What God hath joined« a womans voice from among these was heard to
utter audibly
»God hath jined indeed«
It was like a reenactment by the ghosts of their former selves of the
similar scene which had taken place at Melchester years before When the books
were signed the vicar congratulated the husband and wife on having performed a
noble and righteous and mutually forgiving act »Alls well that ends well«
he said smiling »May you long be happy together after thus having been saved
as by fire«
They came down the nearly empty building and crossed to the schoolhouse
Gillingham wanted to get home that night and left early He too congratulated
the couple »Now« he said in parting from Phillotson who walked out a little
way »I shall be able to tell the people in your native place a good round tale
and theyll all say Well done depend on it«
When the schoolmaster got back Sue was making a pretence of doing some
housewifery as if she lived there But she seemed timid at his approach and
compunction wrought on him at sight of it
»Of course my dear I shant expect to intrude upon your personal privacy
any more than I did before« he said gravely »It is for our good socially to do
this and thats its justification if it was not my reason«
Sue brightened a little
6
The place was the door of Judes lodging in the outskirts of Christminster far
from the precincts of St Silas where he had formerly lived which saddened him
to sickness The rain was coming down A woman in shabby black stood on the
doorstep talking to Jude who held the door in his hand
»I am lonely destitute and houseless thats what I am Father has turned
me out of doors after borrowing every penny Id got to put it into his
business and then accusing me of laziness when I was only waiting for a
situation I am at the mercy of the world If you cant take me and help me
Jude I must go to the workhouse or to something worse Only just now two
undergraduates winked at me as I came along Tis hard for a woman to keep
virtuous where theres so many young men«
The woman in the rain who spoke thus was Arabella the evening being that of
the day after Sues remarriage with Phillotson
»I am sorry for you but I am only in lodgings« said Jude coldly
»Then you turn me away«
»Ill give you enough to get food and lodging for a few days«
»O but cant you have the kindness to take me in I cannot endure going to
a publichouse to lodge and I am so lonely Please Jude for old times sake«
»No no« said Jude hastily »I dont want to be reminded of those things
and if you talk about them I shall not help you«
»Then I suppose I must go« said Arabella She bent her head against the
doorpost and began sobbing
»The house is full« said Jude »And I have only a little extra room to my
own not much more than a closet where I keep my tools and templates and
the few books I have left«
»That would be a palace for me«
»There is no bedstead in it«
»A bit of a bed could be made on the floor It would be good enough for me«
Unable to be harsh with her and not knowing what to do Jude called the man
who let the lodgings and said this was an acquaintance of his in great distress
for want of temporary shelter
»You may remember me as barmaid at the Lamb and Flag formerly« spoke up
Arabella »My father has insulted me this afternoon and Ive left him though
without a penny«
The householder said he could not recall her features »But still if you
are a friend of Mr Fawleys well do what we can for a day or two if hell
make himself answerable«
»Yes yes« said Jude »She has really taken me quite unawares but I should
wish to help her out of her difficulty« And an arrangement was ultimately come
to under which a bed was to be thrown down in Judes lumberroom to make it
comfortable for Arabella till she could get out of the strait she was in not
by her own fault as she declared and return to her fathers again
While they were waiting for this to be done Arabella said »You know the
news I suppose«
»I guess what you mean but I know nothing«
»I had a letter from Anny at Alfredston today She had just heard that the
wedding was to be yesterday but she didnt know if it had come off«
»I dont wish to talk of it«
»No no of course you dont Only it shows what kind of woman «
»Dont speak of her I say Shes a fool And shes an angel too poor
dear«
»If its done hell have a chance of getting back to his old position by
everybodys account so Anny says All his wellwishers will be pleased
including the bishop himself«
»Do spare me Arabella«
Arabella was duly installed in the little attic and at first she did not
come near Jude at all She went to and fro about her own business which when
they met for a moment on the stairs or in the passage she informed him was that
of obtaining another place in the occupation she understood best When Jude
suggested London as affording the most likely opening in the liquor trade she
shook her head »No the temptations are too many« she said »Any humble
tavern in the country before that for me«
On the Sunday morning following when he breakfasted later than on other
days she meekly asked him if she might come in to breakfast with him as she
had broken her teapot and could not replace it immediately the shops being
shut
»Yes if you like« he said indifferently
While they sat without speaking she suddenly observed »You seem all in a
brood old man Im sorry for you«
»I am all in a brood«
»It is about her I know Its no business of mine but I could find out all
about the wedding if it really did take place if you wanted to know«
»How could you«
»I wanted to go to Alfredston to get a few things I left there And I could
see Anny wholl be sure to have heard all about it as she has friends at
Marygreen«
Jude could not bear to acquiesce in this proposal but his suspense pitted
itself against his discretion and won in the struggle »You can ask about it if
you like« he said »Ive not heard a sound from there It must have been very
private if they have married«
»I am afraid I havent enough cash to take me there and back or I should
have gone before I must wait till I have earned some«
»O I can pay the journey for you« he said impatiently And thus his
suspense as to Sues welfare and the possible marriage moved him to despatch
for intelligence the last emissary he would have thought of choosing
deliberately
Arabella went Jude requesting her to be home not later than by the seven
oclock train When she had gone he said »Why should I have charged her to be
back by a particular time Shes nothing to me nor the other neither«
But having finished work he could not help going to the station to meet
Arabella dragged thither by feverish haste to get the news she might bring and
know the worst Arabella had made dimples most successfully all the way home
and when she stepped out of the railway carriage she smiled He merely said
»Well« with the very reverse of a smile
»They are married«
»Yes of course they are« he returned She observed however the hard
strain upon his lip as he spoke
»Anny says she has heard from Belinda her relation out at Marygreen that
it was very sad and curious«
»How do you mean sad She wanted to marry him again didnt she and he
her«
»Yes that was it She wanted to in one sense but not in the other Mrs
Edlin was much upset by it all and spoke out her mind at Phillotson But Sue
was that excited about it that she burnt her best embroidery that shed worn
with you to blot you out entirely Well if a woman feels like it she ought
to do it I commend her for it though others dont« Arabella sighed »She felt
he was her only husband and that she belonged to nobody else in the sight of
God Amighty while he lived Perhaps another woman feels the same about herself
too« Arabella sighed again
»I dont want any cant« exclaimed Jude
»It isnt cant« said Arabella »I feel exactly the same as she«
He closed that issue by remarking abruptly »Well now I know all I wanted
to know Many thanks for your information I am not going back to my lodgings
just yet« And he left her straightway
In his misery and depression Jude walked to well every spot in the city
that he had visited with Sue thence he did not know whither and then thought
of going home to his usual evening meal But having all the vices of his
virtues and some to spare he turned into a publichouse for the first time
during many months Among the possible consequences of her marriage Sue had not
dwelt on this
Arabella meanwhile had gone back The evening passed and Jude did not
return At halfpast nine Arabella herself went out first proceeding to an
outlying district near the river where her father lived and had opened a small
and precarious porkshop lately
»Well« she said to him »for all your rowing me that night Ive called in
for I have something to tell you I think I shall get married and settled again
Only you must help me and you can do no less after what Ive stood ee«
»Ill do anything to get thee off my hands«
»Very well I am now going to look for my young man Hes on the loose Im
afraid and I must get him home All I want you to do tonight is not to fasten
the door in case I should want to sleep here and should be late«
»I thought youd soon get tired of giving yourself airs and keeping away«
»Well dont do the door Thats all I say«
She then sallied out again and first hastening back to Judes to make sure
that he had not returned began her search for him A shrewd guess as to his
probable course took her straight to the tavern which Jude had formerly
frequented and where she had been barmaid for a brief term She had no sooner
opened the door of the Private Bar than her eyes fell upon him sitting in the
shade at the back of the compartment with his eyes fixed on the floor in a
blank stare He was drinking nothing stronger than ale just then He did not
observe her and she entered and sat beside him
Jude looked up and said without surprise »Youve come to have something
Arabella Im trying to forget her thats all But I cant and I am going
home« She saw that he was a little way on in liquor but only a little as yet
»Ive come entirely to look for you dear boy You are not well Now you
must have something better than that« Arabella held up her finger to the
barmaid »You shall have a liqueur thats better fit for a man of education
than beer You shall have maraschino or curaçoa dry or sweet or cherry brandy
Ill treat you poor chap«
»I dont care which Say cherry brandy Sue has served me badly very
badly I didnt expect it of Sue I stuck to her and she ought to have stuck to
me Id have sold my soul for her sake but she wouldnt risk hers a jot for me
To save her own soul she lets mine go damn But it isnt her fault poor
little girl I am sure it isnt«
How Arabella had obtained money did not appear but she ordered a liqueur
each and paid for them When they had drunk these Arabella suggested another
and Jude had the pleasure of being as it were personally conducted through the
varieties of spirituous delectation by one who knew the landmarks well Arabella
kept very considerably in the rear of Jude but though she only sipped where he
drank she took as much as she could safely take without losing her head which
was not a little as the crimson upon her countenance showed
Her tone towards him tonight was uniformly soothing and cajoling and
whenever he said »I dont care what happens to me« a thing he did continually
she replied »But I do very much« The closing hour came and they were
compelled to turn out whereupon Arabella put her arm round his waist and
guided his unsteady footsteps
When they were in the streets she said »I dont know what our landlord will
say to my bringing you home in this state I expect we are fastened out so that
hell have to come down and let us in«
»I dont know I dont know«
»Thats the worst of not having a home of your own I tell you Jude what
we had best do Come round to my fathers I made it up with him a bit today
I can let you in and nobody will see you at all and by tomorrow morning
youll be all right«
»Anything anywhere« replied Jude »What the devil does it matter to me«
They went along together like any other fuddling couple her arm still
round his waist and his at last round hers though with no amatory intent
but merely because he was weary unstable and in need of support
»This is th Martyrs burningplace« he stammered as they dragged
across a broad street »I remember in old Fullers Holy State and I am
reminded of it by our passing by here old Fuller in his Holy State says
that at the burning of Ridley Doctor Smith preached sermon and took as his
text «Though I give my body to be burned and have not charity it profiteth me
nothing» Often think of it as I pass here Ridley was a «
»Yes Exactly Very thoughtful of you deary even though it hasnt much to
do with our present business«
»Why yes it has Im giving my body to be burned But ah you dont
understand it wants Sue to understand such things And I was her seducer
poor little girl And shes gone and I dont care about myself Do what you
like with me And yet she did it for conscience sake poor little Sue«
»Hang her I mean I think she was right« hiccupped Arabella »Ive my
feelings too like her and I feel I belong to you in Heavens eye and to
nobody else till death us do part It is hic never too late hic to
mend«
They had reached her fathers house and she softly unfastened the door
groping about for a light within
The circumstances were not altogether unlike those of their entry into the
cottage at Cresscombe such a long time before Nor were perhaps Arabellas
motives But Jude did not think of that though she did
»I cant find the matches dear« she said when she had fastened up the
door »But never mind this way As quiet as you can please«
»It is as dark as pitch« said Jude
»Give me your hand and Ill lead you Thats it Just sit down here and
Ill pull off your boots I dont want to wake him«
»Who«
»Father Hed make a row perhaps«
She pulled off his boots »Now« she whispered »take hold of me never
mind your weight Now first stair second stair «
»But are we out in our old house by Marygreen« asked the stupefied Jude
»I havent been inside it for years till now Hey And where are my books
Thats what I want to know«
»We are at my house dear where theres nobody to spy out how ill you are
Now third stair fourth stair thats it Now we shall get on«
7
Arabella was preparing breakfast in the downstairs back room of this small
recently hired tenement of her fathers She put her head into the little
porkshop in front and told Mr Donn it was ready Donn endeavouring to look
like a master porkbutcher in a greasy blue blouse and with a strap round his
waist from which a steel dangled came in promptly
»You must mind the shop this morning« he said casually »Ive to go and get
some inwards and half a pig from Lumsdon and to call elsewhere If you live
here you must put your shoulder to the wheel at least till I get the business
started«
»Well for today I cant say« She looked deedily into his face »Ive got
a prize upstairs«
»Oh Whats that«
»A husband almost«
»No«
»Yes Its Jude Hes come back to me«
»Your old original one Well Im damned«
»Well I always did like him that I will say«
»But how does he come to be up there« said Donn humourstruck and nodding
to the ceiling
»Dont ask inconvenient questions father What weve to do is to keep him
here till he and I are as we were«
»How was that«
»Married«
»Ah Well it is the rummest thing I ever heard of marrying an old
husband again and so much new blood in the world Hes no catch to my
thinking Id have had a new one while I was about it«
»It isnt rum for a woman to want her old husband back for respectability
though for a man to want his old wife back well perhaps it is funny rather«
And Arabella was suddenly seized with a fit of loud laughter in which her
father joined more moderately
»Be civil to him and Ill do the rest« she said when she had recovered
seriousness »He told me this morning that his head ached fit to burst and he
hardly seemed to know where he was And no wonder considering how he mixed his
drink last night We must keep him jolly and cheerful here for a day or two and
not let him go back to his lodging Whatever you advance Ill pay back to you
again But I must go up and see how he is now poor deary«
Arabella ascended the stairs softly opened the door of the first bedroom
and peeped in Finding that her shorn Samson was asleep she entered to the
bedside and stood regarding him The fevered flush on his face from the debauch
of the previous evening lessened the fragility of his ordinary appearance and
his long lashes dark brows and curly black hair and beard against the white
pillow completed the physiognomy of one whom Arabella as a woman of rank
passions still felt it worth while to recapture highly important to recapture
as a woman straitened both in means and in reputation Her ardent gaze seemed to
affect him his quick breathing became suspended and he opened his eyes
»How are you now dear« said she »It is I Arabella«
»Ah where O yes I remember You gave me shelter I am stranded
ill demoralized damn bad Thats what I am«
»Then do stay there Theres nobody in the house but father and me and you
can rest till you are thoroughly well Ill tell them at the stoneworks that
you are knocked up«
»I wonder what they are thinking at the lodgings«
»Ill go round and explain Perhaps you had better let me pay up or theyll
think weve run away«
»Yes Youll find enough money in my pocket there«
Quite indifferent and shutting his eyes because he could not bear the
daylight in his throbbing eyeballs Jude seemed to doze again Arabella took his
purse softly left the room and putting on her outdoor things went off to the
lodgings she and he had quitted the evening before
Scarcely halfanhour had elapsed ere she reappeared round the corner
walking beside a lad wheeling a truck on which were piled all Judes household
possessions and also the few of Arabellas things which she had taken to the
lodging for her short sojourn there Jude was in such physical pain from his
unfortunate breakdown of the previous night and in such mental pain from the
loss of Sue and from having yielded in his halfsomnolent state to Arabella
that when he saw his few chattels unpacked and standing before his eyes in this
strange bedroom intermixed with womans apparel he scarcely considered how
they had come there or what their coming signalized
»Now« said Arabella to her father downstairs »we must keep plenty of good
liquor going in the house these next few days I know his nature and if he once
gets into that fearfully low state that he does get into sometimes hell never
do the honourable thing by me in this world and I shall be left in the lurch
He must be kept cheerful He has a little money in the savingsbank and he has
given me his purse to pay for anything necessary Well that will be the
license for I must have that ready at hand to catch him the moment hes in the
humour You must pay for the liquor A few friends and a quiet convivial party
would be the thing if we could get it up It would advertise the shop and help
me too«
»That can be got up easy enough by anybody wholl afford victuals and
drink Well yes it would advertise the shop thats true«
Three days later when Jude had recovered somewhat from the fearful
throbbing of his eyes and brain but was still considerably confused in his mind
by what had been supplied to him by Arabella during the interval to keep him
jolly as she expressed it the quiet convivial gathering suggested by her to
wind Jude up to the striking point took place
Donn had only just opened his miserable little pork and sausage shop which
had as yet scarce any customers nevertheless that party advertised it well and
the Donns acquired a real notoriety among a certain class in Christminster who
knew not the colleges nor their works nor their ways Jude was asked if he
could suggest any guest in addition to those named by Arabella and her father
and in a saturnine humour of perfect recklessness mentioned Uncle Joe and
Stagg and the decayed auctioneer and others whom he remembered as having been
frequenters of the wellknown tavern during his bout therein years before He
also suggested Freckles and Bower o Bliss Arabella took him at his word so far
as the men went but drew the line at the ladies
Another man they knew Tinker Taylor though he lived in the same street
was not invited but as he went homeward from a late job on the evening of the
party he had occasion to call at the shop for trotters There were none in but
he was promised some the next morning While making his inquiry Taylor glanced
into the back room and saw the guests sitting round cardplaying and
drinking and otherwise enjoying themselves at Donns expense He went home to
bed and on his way out next morning wondered how the party went off He thought
it hardly worth while to call at the shop for his provisions at that hour Donn
and his daughter being probably not up if they caroused late the night before
However he found in passing that the door was open and he could hear voices
within though the shutters of the meatstall were not down He went and tapped
at the sittingroom door and opened it
»Well to be sure« he said astonished
Hosts and guests were sitting cardplaying smoking and talking precisely
as he had left them eleven hours earlier the gas was burning and the curtains
drawn though it had been broad daylight for two hours out of doors
»Yes« cried Arabella laughing »Here we are just the same We ought to be
ashamed of ourselves oughtnt we But it is a sort of housewarming you see
and our friends are in no hurry Come in Mr Taylor and sit down«
The tinker or rather reduced ironmonger was nothing loth and entered and
took a seat »I shall lose a quarter but never mind« he said »Well really I
could hardly believe my eyes when I looked in It seemed as if I was flung back
again into last night all of a sudden«
»So you are Pour out for Mr Taylor«
He now perceived that she was sitting beside Jude her arm being round his
waist Jude like the rest of the company bore on his face the signs of how
deeply he had been indulging
»Well weve been waiting for certain legal hours to arrive to tell the
truth« she continued bashfully and making her spirituous crimson look as much
like a maiden blush as possible »Jude and I have decided to make up matters
between us by tying the knot again as we find we cant do without one another
after all So as a bright notion we agreed to sit on till it was late enough
and go and do it offhand«
Jude seemed to pay no great heed to what she was announcing or indeed to
anything whatever The entrance of Taylor infused fresh spirit into the company
and they remained sitting till Arabella whispered to her father »Now we may as
well go«
»But the parson dont know«
»Yes I told him last night that we might come between eight and nine as
there were reasons of decency for doing it as early and quiet as possible on
account of it being our second marriage which might make people curious to look
on if they knew He highly approved«
»O very well Im ready« said her father getting up and shaking himself
»Now old darling« she said to Jude »Come along as you promised«
»When did I promise anything« asked he whom she had made so tipsy by her
special knowledge of that line of business as almost to have made him sober
again or to seem so to those who did not know him
»Why« said Arabella affecting dismay »Youve promised to marry me several
times as weve sat here tonight These gentlemen have heard you«
»I dont remember it« said Jude doggedly »Theres only one woman but I
wont mention her in this Capharnaum«
Arabella looked towards her father »Now Mr Fawley be honourable« said
Donn »You and my daughter have been living here together these three or four
days quite on the understanding that you were going to marry her Of course I
shouldnt have had such goings on in my house if I hadnt understood that As a
point of honour you must do it now«
»Dont say anything against my honour« enjoined Jude hotly standing up
»Id marry the W of Babylon rather than do anything dishonourable No
reflection on you my dear It is a mere rhetorical figure what they call in
the books hyperbole«
»Keep your figures for your debts to friends who shelter you« said Donn
»If I am bound in honour to marry her as I suppose I am though how I
came to be here with her I know no more than a dead man marry her I will so
help me God I have never behaved dishonourably to a woman or to any living
thing I am not a man who wants to save himself at the expense of the weaker
among us«
»There never mind him deary« said she putting her cheek against Judes
»Come up and wash your face and just put yourself tidy and off well go Make
it up with father«
They shook hands Jude went upstairs with her and soon came down looking
tidy and calm Arabella too had hastily arranged herself and accompanied by
Donn away they went
»Dont go« she said to the guests at parting »Ive told the little maid to
get the breakfast while we are gone and when we come back well all have some
A good strong cup of tea will set everybody right for going home«
When Arabella Jude and Donn had disappeared on their matrimonial errand the
assembled guests yawned themselves wider awake and discussed the situation with
great interest Tinker Taylor being the most sober reasoned the most lucidly
»I dont wish to speak against friends« he said »But it do seem a rare
curiosity for a couple to marry over again If they couldnt get on the first
time when their minds were limp they wont the second by my reckoning«
»Do you think hell do it«
»Hes been put upon his honour by the woman so he med«
»Hed hardly do it straight off like this Hes got no license nor
anything«
»Shes got that bless you Didnt you hear her say so to her father«
»Well« said Tinker Taylor relighting his pipe at the gasjet »Take her
all together limb by limb shes not such a badlooking piece particular by
candlelight To be sure halfpence that have been in circulation cant be
expected to look like new ones from the Mint But for a woman thats been
knocking about the four hemispheres for some time shes passable enough A
little bit thick in the flitch perhaps but I like a woman that a puff o wind
wont blow down«
Their eyes followed the movements of the little girl as she spread the
breakfastcloth on the table they had been using without wiping up the slops of
the liquor The curtains were undrawn and the expression of the house made to
look like morning Some of the guests however fell asleep in their chairs One
or two went to the door and gazed along the street more than once Tinker
Taylor was the chief of these and after a time he came in with a leer on his
face
»By Gad they are coming I think the deeds done«
»No« said Uncle Joe following him in »Take my word he turned rusty at
the last minute They are walking in a very onusual way and thats the meaning
of it«
They waited in silence till the wedding party could be heard entering the
house First into the room came Arabella boisterously and her face was enough
to show that her strategy had succeeded
»Mrs Fawley I presume« said Tinker Taylor with mock courtesy
»Certainly Mrs Fawley again« replied Arabella blandly pulling off her
glove and holding out her left hand »Theres the padlock see Well he was
a very nice gentlemanly man indeed I mean the clergyman He said to me as
gentle as a babe when all was done Mrs Fawley I congratulate you heartily he
says For having heard your history and that of your husband I think you have
both done the right and proper thing And for your past errors as a wife and
his as a husband I think you ought now to be forgiven by the world as you have
forgiven each other says he Yes he was a very nice gentlemanly man The
Church dont recognize divorce in her dogma strictly speaking he says and
bear in mind the words of the Service in your goings out and your comings in
What God hath joined together let no man put asunder Yes he was a very nice
gentlemanly man But Jude my dear you were enough to make a cat laugh You
walked that straight and held yourself that steady that one would have thought
you were going prentice to a judge though I knew you were seeing double all
the time from the way you fumbled with my finger«
»I said Id do anything to save a womans honour« muttered Jude »And
Ive done it«
»Well now old deary come along and have some breakfast«
»I want some more whisky« said Jude stolidly
»Nonsense dear Not now Theres no more left The tea will take the muddle
out of our heads and we shall be as fresh as larks«
»All right Ive married you She said I ought to marry you again and I
have straightway It is true religion Ha ha ha«
8
Michaelmas came and passed and Jude and his wife who had lived but a short
time in her fathers house after their remarriage were in lodgings on the top
floor of a dwelling nearer to the centre of the city
He had done a few days work during the two or three months since the event
but his health had been indifferent and it was now precarious He was sitting
in an armchair before the fire and coughed a good deal
»Ive got a bargain for my trouble in marrying thee over again« Arabella
was saying to him »I shall have to keep ee entirely thats what twill come
to I shall have to make blackpot and sausages and hawk em about the street
all to support an invalid husband Id no business to be saddled with at all Why
didnt you keep your health deceiving one like this You were well enough when
the wedding was«
»Ah yes« said he laughing acridly »I have been thinking of my foolish
feeling about the pig you and I killed during our first marriage I feel now
that the greatest mercy that could be vouchsafed to me would be that something
should serve me as I served that animal«
This was the sort of discourse that went on between them every day now The
landlord of the lodging who had heard that they were a queer couple had
doubted if they were married at all especially as he had seen Arabella kiss
Jude one evening when she had taken a little cordial and he was about to give
them notice to quit till by chance overhearing her one night haranguing Jude in
rattling terms and ultimately flinging a shoe at his head he recognized the
note of genuine wedlock and concluding that they must be respectable said no
more
Jude did not get any better and one day he requested Arabella with
considerable hesitation to execute a commission for him She asked him
indifferently what it was
»To write to Sue«
»What in the name do you want me to write to her for«
»To ask how she is and if shell come to see me because Im ill and
should like to see her once again«
»It is like you to insult a lawful wife by asking such a thing«
»It is just in order not to insult you that I ask you to do it You know I
love Sue I dont wish to mince the matter there stands the fact I love her
I could find a dozen ways of sending a letter to her without your knowledge But
I wish to be quite aboveboard with you and with her husband A message through
you asking her to come is at least free from any odour of intrigue If she
retains any of her old nature at all shell come«
»Youve no respect for marriage whatever or its rights and duties«
»What does it matter what my opinions are a wretch like me Can it matter
to anybody in the world who comes to see me for halfanhour here with one
foot in the grave Come please write Arabella« he pleaded »Repay my
candour by a little generosity«
»I should think not«
»Not just once O do« He felt that his physical weakness had taken away
all his dignity
»What do you want her to know how you are for She dont want to see ee
Shes the rat that forsook the sinking ship«
»Dont dont«
»And I stuck to un the more fool I Have that strumpet in the house
indeed«
Almost as soon as the words were spoken Jude sprang from the chair and
before Arabella knew where she was he had her on her back upon a little couch
which stood there he kneeling above her
»Say another word of that sort« he whispered »and Ill kill you here and
now Ive everything to gain by it my own death not being the least part So
dont think theres no meaning in what I say«
»What do you want me to do« gasped Arabella
»Promise never to speak of her«
»Very well I do«
»I take your word« he said scornfully as he loosened her »But what it is
worth I cant say«
»You couldnt kill the pig but you could kill me«
»Ah there you have me No I couldnt kill you even in a passion Taunt
away«
He then began coughing very much and she estimated his life with an
appraisers eye as he sank back ghastly pale »Ill send for her« Arabella
murmured »if youll agree to my being in the room with you all the time shes
here«
The softer side of his nature the desire to see Sue made him unable to
resist the offer even now provoked as he had been and he replied breathlessly
»Yes I agree Only send for her«
In the evening he inquired if she had written
»Yes« she said »I wrote a note telling her you were ill and asking her to
come tomorrow or the day after I havent posted it yet«
The next day Jude wondered if she really did post it but would not ask her
and foolish Hope that lives on a drop and a crumb made him restless with
expectation He knew the times of the possible trains and listened on each
occasion for sounds of her
She did not come but Jude would not address Arabella again thereon He
hoped and expected all the next day but no Sue appeared neither was there any
note of reply Then Jude decided in the privacy of his mind that Arabella had
never posted hers although she had written it There was something in her
manner which told it His physical weakness was such that he shed tears at the
disappointment when she was not there to see His suspicions were in fact well
founded Arabella like some other nurses thought that your duty towards your
invalid was to pacify him by any means short of really acting upon his fancies
He never said another word to her about his wish or his conjecture A
silent undiscerned resolve grew up in him which gave him if not strength
stability and calm One midday when after an absence of two hours she came
into the room she beheld the chair empty
Down she flopped on the bed and sitting meditated »Now where the devil is
my man gone to« she said
A driving rain from the northeast had been falling with more or less
intermission all the morning and looking from the window at the dripping spouts
it seemed impossible to believe that any sick man would have ventured out to
almost certain death Yet a conviction possessed Arabella that he had gone out
and it became a certainty when she had searched the house »If hes such a fool
let him be« she said »I can do no more«
Jude was at that moment in a railway train that was drawing near to
Alfredston oddly swathed pale as a monumental figure in alabaster and much
stared at by other passengers An hour later his thin form in the long
greatcoat and blanket he had come with but without an umbrella could have
been seen walking along the fivemile road to Marygreen On his face showed the
determined purpose that alone sustained him but to which his weakness afforded
a sorry foundation By the uphill walk he was quite blown but he pressed on
and at halfpast three oclock stood by the familiar well at Marygreen The rain
was keeping everybody indoors Jude crossed the green to the church without
observation and found the building open Here he stood looking forth at the
school whence he could hear the usual singsong tones of the little voices that
had not learnt Creations groan
He waited till a small boy came from the school one evidently allowed out
before hours for some reason or other Jude held up his hand and the child
came
»Please call at the schoolhouse and ask Mrs Phillotson if she will be kind
enough to come to the church for a few minutes«
The child departed and Jude heard him knock at the door of the dwelling He
himself went further into the church Everything was new except a few pieces of
carving preserved from the wrecked old fabric now fixed against the new walls
He stood by these they seemed akin to the perished people of that place who
were his ancestors and Sues
A light footstep which might have been accounted no more than an added drip
to the rainfall sounded in the porch and he looked round
»O I didnt think it was you I didnt O Jude« A hysterical catch in
her breath ended in a succession of them He advanced but she quickly recovered
and went back
»Dont go dont go« he implored »This is my last time I thought it
would be less intrusive than to enter your house And I shall never come again
Dont then be unmerciful Sue Sue we are acting by the letter and the letter
killeth«
»Ill stay I wont be unkind« she said her mouth quivering and her tears
flowing as she allowed him to come closer »But why did you come and do this
wrong thing after doing such a right thing as you have done«
»What right thing«
»Marrying Arabella again It was in the Alfredston paper She has never been
other than yours Jude in a proper sense And therefore you did so well O so
well in recognizing it and taking her to you again«
»God above and is that all Ive come to hear If there is anything more
degrading immoral unnatural than another in my life it is this meretricious
contract with Arabella which has been called doing the right thing And you too
you call yourself Phillotsons wife His wife You are mine«
»Dont make me rush away from you I cant bear much But on this point I
am decided«
»I cannot understand how you did it how you think it I cannot«
»Never mind that He is a kind husband to me And I Ive wrestled and
struggled and fasted and prayed I have nearly brought my body into complete
subjection And you mustnt will you wake «
»O you darling little fool where is your reason You seem to have suffered
the loss of your faculties I would argue with you if I didnt know that a woman
in your state of feeling is quite beyond all appeals to her brains Or is it
that you are humbugging yourself as so many women do about these things and
dont actually believe what you pretend to and only are indulging in the luxury
of the emotion raised by an affected belief«
»Luxury How can you be so cruel«
»You dear sad soft most melancholy wreck of a promising human intellect
that it has ever been my lot to behold Where is your scorn of convention gone
I would have died game«
»You crush almost insult me Jude Go away from me« She turned off
quickly
»I will I would never come to see you again even if I had the strength to
come which I shall not have any more Sue Sue you are not worth a mans
love«
Her bosom began to go up and down »I cant endure you to say that« she
burst out and her eye resting on him a moment she turned back impulsively
»Dont dont scorn me Kiss me O kiss me lots of times and say I am not a
coward and a contemptible humbug I cant bear it« She rushed up to him and
with her mouth on his continued »I must tell you O I must my darling Love
It has been only a church marriage an apparent marriage I mean He suggested
it at the very first«
»How«
»I mean it is a nominal marriage only It hasnt been more than that at all
since I came back to him«
»Sue« he said Pressing her to him in his arms he bruised her lips with
kisses »If misery can know happiness I have a moments happiness now Now in
the name of all you hold holy tell me the truth and no lie You do love me
still«
»I do You know it too well But I mustnt do this I mustnt kiss you
back as I would«
»But do«
»And yet you are so dear and you look so ill «
»And so do you Theres one more in memory of our dead little children
yours and mine«
The words struck her like a blow and she bent her head »I mustnt I
cant go on with this« she gasped presently »But there there darling I give
you back your kisses I do I do And now Ill hate myself for ever for my
sin«
»No let me make my last appeal Listen to this Weve both remarried out
of our senses I was made drunk to do it You were the same I was gindrunk
you were creeddrunk Either form of intoxication takes away the nobler
vision Let us then shake off our mistakes and run away together«
»No again no Why do you tempt me so far Jude It is too merciless
But Ive got over myself now Dont follow me dont look at me Leave me for
pitys sake«
She ran up the church to the east end and Jude did as she requested He did
not turn his head but took up his blanket which she had not seen and went
straight out As he passed the end of the church she heard his coughs mingling
with the rain on the windows and in a last instinct of human affection even
now unsubdued by her fetters she sprang up as if to go and succour him But she
knelt down again and stopped her ears with her hands till all possible sound of
him had passed away
He was by this time at the corner of the green from which the path ran
across the fields in which he had scared rooks as a boy He turned and looked
back once at the building which still contained Sue and then went on knowing
that his eyes would light on that scene no more
There are cold spots up and down Wessex in autumn and winter weather but
the coldest of all when a north or east wind is blowing is the crest of the down
by the Brown House where the road to Alfredston crosses the old Ridgeway Here
the first winter sleets and snows fall and lie and here the spring frost
lingers last unthawed Here in the teeth of the northeast wind and rain Jude
now pursued his way wet through the necessary slowness of his walk from lack
of his former strength being insufficient to maintain his heat He came to the
milestone and raining as it was spread his blanket and lay down there to
rest Before moving on he went and felt at the back of the stone for his own
carving It was still there but nearly obliterated by moss He passed the spot
where the gibbet of his ancestor and Sues had stood and descended the hill
It was dark when he reached Alfredston where he had a cup of tea the
deadly chill that began to creep into his bones being too much for him to endure
fasting To get home he had to travel by a steam tramcar and two branches of
railway with much waiting at a junction He did not reach Christminster till
ten oclock
9
On the platform stood Arabella She looked him up and down
»Youve been to see her« she asked
»I have« said Jude literally tottering with cold and lassitude
»Well now youd best march along home«
The water ran out of him as he went and he was compelled to lean against
the wall to support himself while coughing
»Youve done for yourself by this young man« said she »I dont know
whether you know it«
»Of course I do I meant to do for myself«
»What to commit suicide«
»Certainly«
»Well Im blest Kill yourself for a woman«
»Listen to me Arabella You think you are the stronger and so you are in
a physical sense now You could push me over like a ninepin You did not send
that letter the other day and I could not resent your conduct But I am not so
weak in another way as you think I made up my mind that a man confined to his
room by inflammation of the lungs a fellow who had only two wishes left in the
world to see a particular woman and then to die could neatly accomplish those
two wishes at one stroke by taking this journey in the rain That Ive done I
have seen her for the last time and Ive finished myself put an end to a
feverish life which ought never to have been begun«
»Lord you do talk lofty Wont you have something warm to drink«
»No thank you Lets get home«
They went along by the silent colleges and Jude kept stopping
»What are you looking at«
»Stupid fancies I see in a way those spirits of the dead again on this
my last walk that I saw when I first walked here«
»What a curious chap you are«
»I seem to see them and almost hear them rustling But I dont revere all
of them as I did then I dont believe in half of them The theologians the
apologists and their kin the metaphysicians the highhanded statesmen and
others no longer interest me All that has been spoilt for me by the grind of
stern reality«
The expression of Judes corpselike face in the watery lamplight was indeed
as if he saw people where there was nobody At moments he stood still by an
archway like one watching a figure walk out then he would look at a window
like one discerning a familiar face behind it He seemed to hear voices whose
words he repeated as if to gather their meaning
»They seem laughing at me«
»Who«
»O I was talking to myself The phantoms all about here in the college
archways and windows They used to look friendly in the old days particularly
Addison and Gibbon and Johnson and Dr Browne and Bishop Ken «
»Come along do Phantoms Theres neither living nor dead hereabouts except
a damn policeman I never saw the streets emptier«
»Fancy The Poet of Liberty used to walk here and the great Dissector of
Melancholy there«
»I dont want to hear about em They bore me«
»Walter Raleigh is beckoning to me from that lane Wycliffe Harvey
Hooker Arnold and a whole crowd of Tractarian Shades «
»I dont want to know their names I tell you What do I care about folk
dead and gone Upon my soul you are more sober when youve been drinking than
when you have not«
»I must rest a moment« he said and as he paused holding to the railings
he measured with his eye the height of a college front »This is old Rubric And
that Sarcophagus and up that lane Crozier and Tudor and all down there is
Cardinal with its long front and its windows with lifted eyebrows representing
the polite surprise of the University at the efforts of such as I«
»Come along and Ill treat you«
»Very well It will help me home for I feel the chilly fog from the meadows
of Cardinal as if deathclaws were grabbing me through and through As Antigone
said I am neither a dweller among men nor ghosts But Arabella when I am
dead youll see my spirit flitting up and down here among these«
»Pooh You maynt die after all You are tough enough yet old man«
It was night at Marygreen and the rain of the afternoon showed no sign of
abatement About the time at which Jude and Arabella were walking the streets of
Christminster homeward the Widow Edlin crossed the green and opened the back
door of the schoolmasters dwelling which she often did now before bedtime to
assist Sue in putting things away
Sue was muddling helplessly in the kitchen for she was not a good
housewife though she tried to be and grew impatient of domestic details
»Lord love ee what do ye do that yourself for when Ive come o purpose
You knew I should come«
»O I dont know I forgot No I didnt forget I did it to discipline
myself I have scrubbed the stairs since eight oclock I must practise myself
in my household duties Ive shamefully neglected them«
»Why should ye Hell get a better school perhaps be a parson in time and
youll keep two servants Tis a pity to spoil them pretty hands«
»Dont talk of my pretty hands Mrs Edlin This pretty body of mine has
been the ruin of me already«
»Pshoo youve got no body to speak of You put me more in mind of a
sperrit But there seems something wrong tonight my dear Husband cross«
»No He never is Hes gone to bed early«
»Then what is it«
»I cannot tell you I have done wrong today And I want to eradicate it
Well I will tell you this Jude has been here this afternoon and I find I
still love him O grossly I cannot tell you more«
»Ah said the widow I told ee how twould be«
»But it shant be I have not told my husband of his visit it is not
necessary to trouble him about it as I never mean to see Jude any more But I
am going to make my conscience right on my duty to Richard by doing a penance
the ultimate thing I must«
»I wouldnt since he agrees to it being otherwise and it has gone on
three months very well as it is«
»Yes he agrees to my living as I choose but I feel it is an indulgence I
ought not to exact from him It ought not to have been accepted by me To
reverse it will be terrible but I must be more just to him O why was I so
unheroic«
»What is it you dont like in him« asked Mrs Edlin curiously
»I cannot tell you It is something I cannot say The mournful thing is
that nobody would admit it as a reason for feeling as I do so that no excuse is
left me«
»Did you ever tell Jude what it was«
»Never«
»Ive heard strange tales o husbands in my time« observed the widow in a
lowered voice »They say that when the saints were upon the earth devils used to
take husbands forms o nights and get poor women into all sorts of trouble
But I dont know why that should come into my head for it is only a tale
What a wind and rain it is tonight Well dont be in a hurry to alter things
my dear Think it over«
»No no Ive screwed my weak soul up to treating him more courteously and
it must be now at once before I break down«
»I dont think you ought to force your nature No woman ought to be expected
to«
»It is my duty I will drink my cup to the dregs«
Halfanhour later when Mrs Edlin put on her bonnet and shawl to leave Sue
seemed to be seized with vague terror
»No no dont go Mrs Edlin« she implored her eyes enlarged and with a
quick nervous look over her shoulder
»But it is bedtime child«
»Yes but theres the little spare room my room that was It is quite
ready Please stay Mrs Edlin I shall want you in the morning«
»O well I dont mind if you wish Nothing will happen to my four old
walls whether I be there or no«
She then fastened up the doors and they ascended the stairs together
»Wait here Mrs Edlin« said Sue »Ill go into my old room a moment by
myself«
Leaving the widow on the landing Sue turned to the chamber which had been
hers exclusively since her arrival at Marygreen and pushing to the door knelt
down by the bed for a minute or two She then arose and taking her nightgown
from the pillow undressed and came out to Mrs Edlin A man could be heard
snoring in the room opposite She wished Mrs Edlin goodnight and the widow
entered the room that Sue had just vacated
Sue unlatched the other chamber door and as if seized with faintness sank
down outside it Getting up again she half opened the door and said »Richard«
As the word came out of her mouth she visibly shuddered
The snoring had quite ceased for some time but he did not reply Sue seemed
relieved and hurried back to Mrs Edlins chamber »Are you in bed Mrs
Edlin« she asked
»No dear« said the widow opening the door »I be old and slow and it takes
me a long while to unray I hant unlaced my jumps yet«
»I dont hear him And perhaps perhaps «
»What child«
»Perhaps hes dead« she gasped »And then I should be free and I could
go to Jude Ah no I forgot her and God«
»Lets go and hearken No hes snoring again But the rain and the wind is
so loud that you can hardly hear anything but between whiles«
Sue had dragged herself back »Mrs Edlin good night again I am sorry I
called you out« The widow retreated a second time
The strained resigned look returned to Sues face when she was alone »I
must do it I must I must drink to the dregs« she whispered »Richard« she
said again
»Hey what Is that you Susanna«
»Yes«
»What do you want Anything the matter Wait a moment« He pulled on some
articles of clothing and came to the door »Yes«
»When we were at Shaston I jumped out of the window rather than that you
should come near me I have never reversed that treatment till now when I have
come to beg your pardon for it and ask you to let me in«
»Perhaps you only think you ought to do this I dont wish you to come
against your impulses as I have said«
»But I beg to be admitted« She waited a moment and repeated »I beg to be
admitted I have been in error even today I have exceeded my rights I did
not mean to tell you but perhaps I ought I sinned against you this afternoon«
»How«
»I met Jude I didnt know he was coming And «
»Well«
»I kissed him and let him kiss me«
»O the old story«
»Richard I didnt know we were going to kiss each other till we did«
»How many times«
»A good many I dont know I am horrified to look back on it and the least
I can do after it is to come to you like this«
»Come this is pretty bad after what Ive done Anything else to confess«
»No« She had been intending to say »I called him my darling Love« But as
a contrite woman always keeps back a little that portion of the scene remained
untold She went on »I am never going to see him any more He spoke of some
things of the past and it overcame me He spoke of the children But as I
have said I am glad almost glad I mean that they are dead Richard It
blots out all that life of mine«
»Well about not seeing him again any more Come you really mean this«
There was something in Phillotsons tone now which seemed to show that his three
months of remarriage with Sue had somehow not been so satisfactory as his
magnanimity or amative patience had anticipated
»Yes yes«
»Perhaps youll swear it on the New Testament«
»I will«
He went back to the room and brought out a little brown Testament »Now
then So help you God«
She swore
»Very good«
»Now I supplicate you Richard to whom I belong and whom I wish to honour
and obey as I vowed to let me in«
»Think it over well You know what it means Having you back in the house
was one thing this another So think again«
»I have thought I wish this«
»Thats a complaisant spirit and perhaps you are right With a lover
hanging about a halfmarriage should be completed But I repeat my reminder
this third and last time«
»It is my wish O God«
»What did you say O God for«
»I dont know«
»Yes you do But« He gloomily considered her thin and fragile form a
moment longer as she crouched before him in her nightclothes »Well I thought
it might end like this« he said presently »I owe you nothing after these
signs but Ill take you in at your word and forgive you«
He put his arm round her to lift her up Sue started back
»Whats the matter« he asked speaking for the first time sternly »You
shrink from me again just as formerly«
»No Richard I I was not thinking «
»You wish to come in here«
»Yes«
»You still bear in mind what it means«
»Yes It is my duty«
Placing the candlestick on the chest of drawers he led her through the
doorway and lifting her bodily kissed her A quick look of aversion passed
over her face but clenching her teeth she uttered no cry
Mrs Edlin had by this time undressed and was about to get into bed when
she said to herself »Ah perhaps Id better go and see if the little thing is
all right How it do blow and rain«
The widow went out on the landing and saw that Sue had disappeared »Ah
Poor soul Weddings be funerals a blieve nowadays Fiftyfive years ago come
Fall since my man and I married Times have changed since then«
10
Despite himself Jude recovered somewhat and worked at his trade for several
weeks After Christmas however he broke down again
With the money he had earned he shifted his lodgings to a yet more central
part of the town But Arabella saw that he was not likely to do much work for a
long while and was cross enough at the turn affairs had taken since her
remarriage to him »Im hanged if you havent been clever in this last stroke«
she would say »to get a nurse for nothing by marrying me«
Jude was absolutely indifferent to what she said and indeed often
regarded her abuse in a humorous light Sometimes his mood was more earnest and
as he lay he often rambled on upon the defeat of his early aims
»Every man has some little power in some one direction« he would say »I
was never really stout enough for the stone trade particularly the fixing
Moving the blocks always used to strain me and standing the trying draughts in
buildings before the windows are in always gave me colds and I think that
began the mischief inside But I felt I could do one thing if I had the
opportunity I could accumulate ideas and impart them to others I wonder if
the Founders had such as I in their minds a fellow good for nothing else but
that particular thing I hear that soon there is going to be a better chance
for such helpless students as I was There are schemes afoot for making the
University less exclusive and extending its influence I dont know much about
it And it is too late too late for me Ah and for how many worthier ones
before me«
»How you keep amumbling« said Arabella »I should have thought youd have
got over all that craze about books by this time And so you would if youd had
any sense to begin with You are as bad now as when we were first married«
On one occasion while soliloquizing thus he called her Sue unconsciously
»I wish youd mind who you are talking to« said Arabella indignantly
»Calling a respectable married woman by the name of that « She remembered
herself and he did not catch the word
But in the course of time when she saw how things were going and how very
little she had to fear from Sues rivalry she had a fit of generosity »I
suppose you want to see your Sue« she said »Well I dont mind her coming
You can have her here if you like«
»I dont wish to see her again«
»O thats a change«
»And dont tell her anything about me that Im ill or anything She has
chosen her course Let her go«
One day he received a surprise Mrs Edlin came to see him quite on her own
account Judes wife whose feelings as to where his affections were centred had
reached absolute indifference by this time went out leaving the old woman
alone with Jude He impulsively asked how Sue was and then said bluntly
remembering what Sue had told him »I suppose they are still only husband and
wife in name«
Mrs Edlin hesitated »Well no its different now Shes begun it quite
lately all of her own free will«
»When did she begin« he asked quickly
»The night after you came But as a punishment to her poor self He didnt
wish it but she insisted«
»Sue my Sue you darling fool this is almost more than I can endure
Mrs Edlin dont be frightened at my rambling Ive got to talk to myself
lying here so many hours alone she was once a woman whose intellect was to
mine like a star to a benzoline lamp who saw all my superstitions as cobwebs
that she could brush away with a word Then bitter affliction came to us and
her intellect broke and she veered round to darkness Strange difference of
sex that time and circumstance which enlarge the views of most men narrow the
views of women almost invariably And now the ultimate horror has come her
giving herself like this to what she loathes in her enslavement to forms
she so sensitive so shrinking that the very wind seemed to blow on her with a
touch of deference As for Sue and me when we were at our own best long ago
when our minds were clear and our love of truth fearless the time was not
ripe for us Our ideas were fifty years too soon to be any good to us And so
the resistance they met with brought reaction in her and recklessness and ruin
on me There this Mrs Edlin is how I go on to myself continually as I
lie here I must be boring you awfully«
»Not at all my dear boy I could hearken to ee all day«
As Jude reflected more and more on her news and grew more restless he
began in his mental agony to use terribly profane language about social
conventions which started a fit of coughing Presently there came a knock at
the door downstairs As nobody answered it Mrs Edlin herself went down
The visitor said blandly »The doctor« The lanky form was that of Physician
Vilbert who had been called in by Arabella
»How is my patient at present« asked the physician
»O bad very bad Poor chap he got excited and do blaspeam terribly
since I let out some gossip by accident the more to my blame But there you
must excuse a man in suffering for what he says and I hope God will forgive
him«
»Ah Ill go up and see him Mrs Fawley at home«
»Shes not in at present but shell be here soon«
Vilbert went but though Jude had hitherto taken the medicines of that
skilful practitioner with the greatest indifference whenever poured down his
throat by Arabella he was now so brought to bay by events that he vented his
opinion of Vilbert in the physicians face and so forcibly and with such
striking epithets that Vilbert soon scurried downstairs again At the door he
met Arabella Mrs Edlin having left Arabella inquired how he thought her
husband was now and seeing that the doctor looked ruffled asked him to take
something He assented
»Ill bring it to you here in the passage« she said »Theres nobody but me
about the house today«
She brought him a bottle and a glass and he drank Arabella began shaking
with suppressed laughter »What is this my dear« he asked smacking his lips
»O a drop of wine and something in it« Laughing again she said »I
poured your own lovephilter into it that you sold me at the Agricultural Show
dont you remember«
»I do I do Clever woman But you must be prepared for the consequences«
Putting his arm round her shoulders he kissed her there and then
»Dont dont« she whispered laughing goodhumouredly »My man will hear«
She let him out of the house and as she went back she said to herself
»Well Weak women must provide for a rainy day And if my poor fellow upstairs
do go off as I suppose he will soon its well to keep chances open And I
cant pick and choose now as I could when I was younger And one must take the
old if one cant get the young«
11
The last pages to which the chronicler of these lives would ask the readers
attention are concerned with the scene in and out of Judes bedroom when leafy
summer came round again
His face was now so thin that his old friends would hardly have known him
It was afternoon and Arabella was at the lookingglass curling her hair which
operation she performed by heating an umbrellastay in the flame of a candle she
had lighted and using it upon the flowing lock When she had finished this
practised a dimple and put on her things she cast her eyes round upon Jude He
seemed to be sleeping though his position was an elevated one his malady
preventing him lying down
Arabella hatted gloved and ready sat down and waited as if expecting
some one to come and take her place as nurse
Certain sounds from without revealed that the town was in festivity though
little of the festival whatever it might have been could be seen here Bells
began to ring and the notes came into the room through the open window and
travelled round Judes head in a hum They made her restless and at last she
said to herself »Why ever doesnt father come«
She looked again at Jude critically gauged his ebbing life as she had done
so many times during the late months and glancing at his watch which was hung
up by way of timepiece rose impatiently Still he slept and coming to a
resolution she slipped from the room closed the door noiselessly and descended
the stairs The house was empty The attraction which moved Arabella to go
abroad had evidently drawn away the other inmates long before
It was a warm cloudless enticing day She shut the front door and
hastened round into Chief Street and when near the Theatre could hear the notes
of the organ a rehearsal for a coming concert being in progress She entered
under the archway of Oldgate College where men were putting up awnings round
the quadrangle for a ball in the Hall that evening People who had come up from
the country for the day were picnicking on the grass and Arabella walked along
the gravel paths and under the aged limes But finding this place rather dull
she returned to the streets and watched the carriages drawing up for the
concert numerous Dons and their wives and undergraduates with gay female
companions crowding up likewise When the doors were closed and the concert
began she moved on
The powerful notes of that concert rolled forth through the swinging yellow
blinds of the open windows over the housetops and into the still air of the
lanes They reached so far as to the room in which Jude lay and it was about
this time that his cough began again and awakened him
As soon as he could speak he murmured his eyes still closed »A little
water please«
Nothing but the deserted room received his appeal and he coughed to
exhaustion again saying still more feebly »Water some water Sue
Arabella«
The room remained still as before Presently he gasped again »Throat
water Sue darling drop of water please O please«
No water came and the organ notes faint as a bees hum rolled in as
before
While he remained his face changing shouts and hurrahs came from somewhere
in the direction of the river
»Ah yes The Remembrance games« he murmured »And I here And Sue
defiled«
The hurrahs were repeated drowning the faint organ notes Judes face
changed more he whispered slowly his parched lips scarcely moving
»Let the day perish wherein I was born and the night in which it was said
There is a man child conceived«
»Hurrah«
»Let that day be darkness let not God regard it from above neither let the
light shine upon it Lo let that night be solitary let no joyful voice come
therein«
»Hurrah«
»Why died I not from the womb Why did I not give up the ghost when I came
out of the belly For now should I have lain still and been quiet I should
have slept then had I been at rest«
»Hurrah«
»There the prisoners rest together they hear not the voice of the
oppressor The small and the great are there and the servant is free from
his master Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery and life unto the
bitter in soul«
Meanwhile Arabella in her journey to discover what was going on took a short
cut down a narrow street and through an obscure nook into the quad of Cardinal
It was full of bustle and brilliant in the sunlight with flowers and other
preparations for a ball here also A carpenter nodded to her one who had
formerly been a fellowworkman of Judes A corridor was in course of erection
from the entrance to the Hall staircase of gay red and buff bunting
Waggonloads of boxes containing bright plants in full bloom were being placed
about and the great staircase was covered with red cloth She nodded to one
workman and another and ascended to the Hall on the strength of their
acquaintance where they were putting down a new floor and decorating for the
dance The cathedral bell close at hand was sounding for five oclock service
»I should not mind having a spin there with a fellows arm round my waist«
she said to one of the men »But Lord I must be getting home again theres a
lot to do No dancing for me«
When she reached home she was met at the door by Stagg and one or two other
of Judes fellow stoneworkers »We are just going down to the river« said the
former »to see the boatbumping But weve called round on our way to ask how
your husband is«
»Hes sleeping nicely thank you« said Arabella
»Thats right Well now cant you give yourself halfanhours relaxation
Mrs Fawley and come along with us Twould do you good«
»I should like to go« said she »Ive never seen the boatracing and I
hear it is good fun«
»Come along«
»How I wish I could« She looked longingly down the street »Wait a minute
then Ill just run up and see how he is now Father is with him I believe so
I can most likely come«
They waited and she entered Downstairs the inmates were absent as before
having in fact gone in a body to the river where the procession of boats was
to pass When she reached the bedroom she found that her father had not even now
come
»Why couldnt he have been here« she said impatiently »He wants to see the
boats himself thats what it is«
However on looking round to the bed she brightened for she saw that Jude
was apparently sleeping though he was not in the usual halfelevated posture
necessitated by his cough He had slipped down and lay flat A second glance
caused her to start and she went to the bed His face was quite white and
gradually becoming rigid She touched his fingers they were cold though his
body was still warm She listened at his chest All was still within The
bumping of near thirty years had ceased
After her first appalled sense of what had happened the faint notes of a
military or other brass band from the river reached her ears and in a provoked
tone she exclaimed »To think he should die just now Why did he die just now«
Then meditating another moment or two she went to the door softly closed it as
before and again descended the stairs
»Here she is« said one of the workmen »We wondered if you were coming
after all Come along we must be quick to get a good place Well how is he
Sleeping well still Of course we dont want to drag ee away if «
»O yes sleeping quite sound He wont wake yet« she said hurriedly
They went with the crowd down Cardinal Street where they presently reached
the bridge and the gay barges burst upon their view Thence they passed by a
narrow slit down to the riverside path now dusty hot and thronged Almost as
soon as they had arrived the grand procession of boats began the oars smacking
with a loud kiss on the face of the stream as they were lowered from the
perpendicular
»O I say how jolly Im glad Ive come« said Arabella »And it cant
hurt my husband my being away«
On the opposite side of the river on the crowded barges were gorgeous
nosegays of feminine beauty fashionably arrayed in green pink blue and
white The blue flag of the Boat Club denoted the centre of interest beneath
which a band in red uniform gave out the notes she had already heard in the
deathchamber Collegians of all sorts in canoes with ladies watching keenly
for our boat darted up and down While she regarded the lively scene somebody
touched Arabella in the ribs and looking round she saw Vilbert
»That philter is operating you know« he said with a leer »Shame on ee to
wreck a heart so«
»I shant talk of love today«
»Why not It is a general holiday«
She did not reply Vilberts arm stole round her waist which act could be
performed unobserved in the crowd An arch expression overspread Arabellas face
at the feel of the arm but she kept her eyes on the river as if she did not
know of the embrace
The crowd surged pushing Arabella and her friends sometimes nearly into the
river and she would have laughed heartily at the horseplay that succeeded if
the imprint on her minds eye of a pale statuesque countenance she had lately
gazed upon had not sobered her a little
The fun on the water reached the acme of excitement there were immersions
there were shouts the race was lost and won the pink and blue and yellow
ladies retired from the barges and the people who had watched began to move
»Well its been awfully good« cried Arabella »But I think I must get
back to my poor man Father is there so far as I know but I had better get
back«
»Whats your hurry«
»Well I must go Dear dear this is awkward«
At the narrow gangway where the people ascended from the riverside path to
the bridge the crowd was literally jammed into one hot mass Arabella and
Vilbert with the rest and here they remained motionless Arabella exclaiming
»Dear dear« more and more impatiently for it had just occurred to her mind
that if Jude were discovered to have died alone an inquest might be deemed
necessary
»What a fidget you are my love« said the physician who being pressed
close against her by the throng had no need of personal effort for contact
»Just as well have patience theres no getting away yet«
It was nearly ten minutes before the wedged multitude moved sufficiently to
let them pass through As soon as she got up into the street Arabella hastened
on forbidding the physician to accompany her further that day She did not go
straight to her house but to the abode of a woman who performed the last
necessary offices for the poorer dead where she knocked
»My husband has just gone poor soul« she said »Can you come and lay him
out«
Arabella waited a few minutes and the two women went along elbowing their
way through the stream of fashionable people pouring out of Cardinal meadow and
being nearly knocked down by the carriages
»I must call at the sextons about the bell too« said Arabella »It is
just round here isnt it Ill meet you at my door«
By ten oclock that night Jude was lying on the bedstead at his lodging
covered with a sheet and straight as an arrow Through the partly opened window
the joyous throb of a waltz entered from the ballroom at Cardinal
Two days later when the sky was equally cloudless and the air equally still
two persons stood beside Judes open coffin in the same little bedroom On one
side was Arabella on the other the Widow Edlin They were both looking at
Judes face the worn old eyelids of Mrs Edlin being red
»How beautiful he is« said she
»Yes Hes a andsome corpse« said Arabella
The window was still open to ventilate the room and it being about noontide
the clear air was motionless and quiet without From a distance came voices and
an apparent noise of persons stamping
»Whats that« murmured the old woman
»Oh thats the doctors in the Theatre conferring Honorary degrees on the
Duke of Hamptonshire and a lot more illustrious gents of that sort Its
Remembrance Week you know The cheers come from the young men«
»Ay young and stronglunged Not like our poor boy here«
An occasional word as from some one making a speech floated from the open
windows of the Theatre across to this quiet corner at which there seemed to be
a smile of some sort upon the marble features of Jude while the old
superseded Delphin editions of Virgil and Horace and the dogeared Greek
Testament on the neighbouring shelf and the few other volumes of the sort that
he had not parted with roughened with stonedust where he had been in the habit
of catching them up for a few minutes between his labours seemed to pale to a
sickly cast at the sounds The bells struck out joyously and their
reverberations travelled round the bedroom
Arabellas eyes removed from Jude to Mrs Edlin »Dye think she will come«
she asked
»I could not say She swore not to see him again«
»How is she looking«
»Tired and miserable poor heart Years and years older than when you saw
her last Quite a staid worn woman now Tis the man she cant stomach un
even now«
»If Jude had been alive to see her he would hardly have cared for her any
more perhaps«
»Thats what we dont know Didnt he ever ask you to send for her since
he came to see her in that strange way«
»No Quite the contrary I offered to send and he said I was not to let her
know how ill he was«
»Did he forgive her«
»Not as I know«
»Well poor little thing tis to be believed shes found forgiveness
somewhere She said she had found peace«
»She may swear that on her knees to the holy cross upon her necklace till
shes hoarse but it wont be true« said Arabella »Shes never found peace
since she left his arms and never will again till shes as he is now«
Notes
1 William Barnes
2 Drayton