Lewis Carroll
Alices Adventures in Wonderland
All in the Golden Afternoon
All in the golden afternoon
Full leisurely we glide
For both our oars with little skill
By little arms are plied
While little hands make vain pretence
Our wanderings to guide
Ah cruel Three In such an hour
Beneath such dreamy weather
To beg a tale of breath too weak
To stir the tiniest feather
Yet what can one poor voice avail
Against three tongues together
Imperious Prima flashes forth
Her edict »to begin it«
In gentler tones Secunda hopes
»There will be nonsense in it«
While Tertia interrupts the tale
Not more than once a minute
Anon to sudden silence won
In fancy they pursue
The dreamchild moving through a land
Of wonders wild and new
In friendly chat with bird or beast
And half believe it true
And ever as the story drained
The wells of fancy dry
And faintly strove that weary one
To put the subject by
»The rest next time « »It is next time«
The happy voices cry
Thus grew the tale of Wonderland
Thus slowly one by one
Its quaint events were hammered out
And now the tale is done
And home we steer a merry crew
Beneath the setting sun
Alice A childish story take
And with a gentle hand
Lay it where Childhoods dreams are twined
In Memorys mystic band
Like pilgrims witherd wreath of flowers
Pluckd in a faroff land
ChristmasGreetings
From a fairy to a child
Lady dear if Fairies may
For a moment lay aside
Cunning tricks and elfish play
Tis at happy Christmastide
We have heard the children say
Gentle children whom we love
Long ago on Christmas Day
Came a message from above
Still as Christmastide comes round
They remember it again
Echo still the joyful sound
»Peace on earth goodwill to men«
Yet the hearts must childlike be
Where such heavenly guests abide
Unto children in their glee
All the year is Christmastide
Thus forgetting tricks and play
For a moment Lady dear
We would wish you if we may
Merry Christmas glad New Year
Christmas 1867
Chapter I
Down the RabbitHole
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and
of having nothing to do once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister
was reading but it had no pictures or conversations in it »and what is the use
of a book« thought Alice »without pictures or conversations«
So she was considering in her own mind as well as she could for the hot
day made her feel very sleepy and stupid whether the pleasure of making a
daisychain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies
when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her
There was nothing so very remarkable in that nor did Alice think it so very
much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself »Oh dear Oh dear I shall
be too late« when she thought it over afterwards it occurred to her that she
ought to have wondered at this but at the time it all seemed quite natural
but when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoatpocket and
looked at it and then hurried on Alice started to her feet for it flashed
across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a
waistcoatpocket or a watch to take out of it and burning with curiosity she
ran across the field after it and was just in time to see it pop down a large
rabbithole under the hedge
In another moment down went Alice after it never once considering how in
the world she was to get out again
The rabbithole went straight on like a tunnel for some way and then dipped
suddenly down so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping
herself before she found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep
well
Either the well was very deep or she fell very slowly for she had plenty
of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to
happen next First she tried to look down and make out what she was coming to
but it was too dark to see anything then she looked at the sides of the well
and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and bookshelves here and
there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs She took down a jar from one of
the shelves as she passed it was labeled »ORANGE MARMALADE« but to her great
disappointment it was empty she did not like to drop the jar for fear of
killing somebody underneath so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
she fell past it
»Well« thought Alice to herself »After such a fall as this I shall think
nothing of tumbling downstairs How brave theyll all think me at home Why I
wouldnt say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house« Which
was very likely true
Down down down Would the fall never come to an end »I wonder how many
miles Ive fallen by this time« she said aloud »I must be getting somewhere
near the centre of the earth Let me see that would be four thousand miles
down I think « for you see Alice had learnt several things of this sort in
her lessons in the schoolroom and though this was not a very good opportunity
for showing off her knowledge as there was no one to listen to her still it
was good practice to say it over » yes thats about the right distance but
then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude Ive got to« Alice had not the
slightest idea what Latitude was or Longitude either but she thought they were
nice grand words to say
Presently she began again »I wonder if I shall fall right through the
earth How funny itll seem to come out among the people that walk with their
heads downwards The antipathies I think « she was rather glad there was no
one listening this time as it didnt sound at all the right word » but I
shall have to ask them what the name of the country is you know Please Maam
is this New Zealand Or Australia« and she tried to curtsey as she spoke
fancy curtseying as youre falling through the air Do you think you could
manage it »And what an ignorant little girl shell think me for asking No
itll never do to ask perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere«
Down down down There was nothing else to do so Alice soon began talking
again »Dinahll miss me very much tonight I should think« Dinah was the
cat »I hope theyll remember her saucer of milk at teatime Dinah my dear I
wish you were down here with me There are no mice in the air Im afraid but
you might catch a bat and thats very like a mouse you know But do cats eat
bats I wonder« And here Alice began to get rather sleepy and went on saying
to herself in a dreamy sort of way »Do cats eat bats Do cats eat bats« and
sometimes »Do bats eat cats« for you see as she couldnt answer either
question it didnt much matter which way she put it She felt that she was
dozing off and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with
Dinah and was saying to her very earnestly »Now Dinah tell me the truth
did you ever eat a bat« when suddenly thump thump down she came upon a heap
of sticks and dry leaves and the fall was over
Alice was not a bit hurt and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment she
looked up but it was all dark overhead before her was another long passage
and the White Rabbit was still in sight hurrying down it There was not a
moment to be lost away went Alice like the wind and was just in time to hear
it say as it turned a corner »Oh my ears and whiskers how late its getting«
She was close behind it when she turned the corner but the Rabbit was no longer
to be seen she found herself in a long low hall which was lit up by a row of
lamps hanging from the roof
There were doors all round the hall but they were all locked and when
Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other trying every door
she walked sadly down the middle wondering how she was ever to get out again
Suddenly she came upon a little threelegged table all made of solid glass
there was nothing on it but a tiny golden key and Alices first idea was that
this might belong to one of the doors of the hall but alas either the locks
were too large or the key was too small but at any rate it would not open any
of them However on the second time round she came upon a low curtain she had
not noticed before and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high
she tried the little golden key in the lock and to her great delight it fitted
Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage not much
larger than a rathole she knelt down and looked along the passage into the
loveliest garden you ever saw How she longed to get out of that dark hall and
wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains but
she could not even get her head through the doorway »and even if my head would
go through« thought poor Alice »it would be of very little use without my
shoulders Oh how I wish I could shut up like a telescope I think I could if
I only knew how to begin« For you see so many outoftheway things had
happened lately that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were
really impossible
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door so she went back to
the table half hoping she might find another key on it or at any rate a book
of rules for shutting people up like telescopes this time she found a little
bottle on it »which certainly was not here before« said Alice and tied
around the neck of the bottle was a paper label with the words »DRINK ME«
beautifully printed on it in large letters
It was all very well to say »Drink me« but the wise little Alice was not
going to do that in a hurry »No Ill look first« she said »and see whether
its marked poison or not« for she had read several nice little stories about
children who had got burnt and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant
things all because they would not remember the simple rules their friends had
taught them such as that a redhot poker will burn you if you hold it too
long and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife it usually
bleeds and she had never forgotten that if you drink much from a bottle marked
»poison« it is almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later
However this bottle was not marked »poison« so Alice ventured to taste it
and finding it very nice it had in fact a sort of mixed flavour of
cherrytart custard pineapple roast turkey toffy and hot buttered toast
she very soon finished it off
»What a curious feeling« said Alice »I must be shutting up like a telescope«
And so it was indeed she was now only ten inches high and her face
brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going through
the little door into that lovely garden First however she waited for a few
minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further she felt a little nervous
about this »for it might end you know« said Alice to herself »in my going
out altogether like a candle I wonder what I should be like then« And she
tried to fancy what the flame of a candle looks like after the candle is blown
out for she could not remember ever having seen such a thing
After a while finding that nothing more happened she decided on going into
the garden at once but alas for poor Alice when she got to the door she
found she had forgotten the little golden key and when she went back to the
table for it she found she could not possibly reach it she could see it quite
plainly through the glass and she tried her best to climb up one of the legs of
the table but it was too slippery and when she had tired herself out with
trying the poor little thing sat down and cried
»Come theres no use in crying like that« said Alice to herself rather
sharply »I advise you to leave off this minute« She generally gave herself
very good advice though she very seldom followed it and sometimes she scolded
herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes and once she remembered
trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she
was playing against herself for this curious child was very fond of pretending
to be two people »But its no use now« thought poor Alice »to pretend to be
two people Why theres hardly enough of me left to make one respectable
person«
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table she
opened it and found in it a very small cake on which the words »EAT ME« were
beautifully marked in currants »Well Ill eat it« said Alice »and if it
makes me grow larger I can reach the key and if it makes me grow smaller I
can creep under the door so either way Ill get into the garden and I dont
care which happens«
She ate a little bit and said anxiously to herself »Which way Which way«
holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing and
she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size To be sure
this is what generally happens when one eats cake but Alice had got so much
into the way of expecting nothing but outoftheway things to happen that it
seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way
So she set to work and very soon finished off the cake
Chapter II
The Pool of Tears
»Curiouser and curiouser« cried Alice she was so much surprised that for the
moment she quite forgot how to speak good English »Now Im opening out like
the largest telescope that ever was Goodbye feet« for when she looked down
at her feet they seemed to be almost out of sight they were getting so far
off »Oh my poor little feet I wonder who will put on your shoes and
stockings for you now dears Im sure I shant be able I shall be a great
deal too far off to trouble myself about you you must manage the best way you
can but I must be kind to them« thought Alice »or perhaps they wont walk
the way I want to go Let me see Ill give them a new pair of boots every
Christmas«
And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it »They must go
by the carrier« she thought »and how funny itll seem sending presents to
ones own feet And how odd the directions will look
Alices Right Foot Esq
Hearthrug
near the Fender
with Alices love
Oh dear what nonsense Im talking«
Just at this moment her head struck against the roof of the hall in fact
she was now rather more than nine feet high and she at once took up the little
golden key and hurried off to the garden door
Poor Alice It was as much as she could do lying down on one side to look
through into the garden with one eye but to get through was more hopeless than
ever she sat down and began to cry again
»You ought to be ashamed of yourself« said Alice »a great girl like you«
she might well say this »to go on crying in this way Stop this moment I
tell you« But she went on all the same shedding gallons of tears until there
was a large pool around her about four inches deep and reaching half down the
hall
After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance and she
hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming It was the White Rabbit
returning splendidly dressed with a pair of white kidgloves in one hand and a
large fan in the other he came trotting along in a great hurry muttering to
himself as he came »Oh The Duchess the Duchess Oh Wont she be savage if
Ive kept her waiting« Alice felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help
of any one so when the Rabbit came near her she began in a low timid voice
»If you please Sir « The Rabbit started violently dropped the white
kidgloves and the fan and scurried away into the darkness as hard as he could
go
Alice took up the fan and gloves and as the hall was very hot she kept
fanning herself all the time she went on talking »Dear dear How queer
everything is today And yesterday things went on just as usual I wonder if
Ive changed in the night Let me think was I the same when I got up this
morning I almost think I can remember feeling a little different But if Im
not the same the next question is Who in the world am I Ah thats the great
puzzle« And she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the
same age as herself to see if she could have been changed for any of them
»Im sure Im not Ada« she said »for her hair goes in such long ringlets
and mine doesnt go in ringlets at all and Im sure I cant be Mabel for I
know all sorts of things and she oh she knows such a very little Besides
shes she and Im I and oh dear how puzzling it all is Ill try if I know
all the things I used to know Let me see four times five is twelve and four
times six is thirteen and four times seven is oh dear I shall never get to
twenty at that rate However the Multiplication Table doesnt signify lets
try Geography London is the capital of Paris and Paris is the capital of Rome
and Rome no thats all wrong Im certain I must have been changed for
Mabel Ill try and say How doth the little « and she crossed her hands on her
lap as if she were saying lessons and began to repeat it but her voice sounded
hoarse and strange and the words did not come the same as they used to do
»How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale
How cheerfully he seems to grin
How neatly spreads his claws
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws«
»Im sure those are not the right words« said poor Alice and her eyes filled
with tears again as she went on »I must be Mabel after all and I shall have to
go and live in that poky little house and have next to no toys to play with
and oh ever so many lessons to learn No Ive made up my mind about it if Im
Mabel Ill stay down here Itll be no use their putting their heads down and
saying Come up again dear I shall only look up and say Who am I then Tell me
that first and then if I like being that person Ill come up if not Ill
stay down here till Im somebody else but oh dear« cried Alice with a
sudden burst of tears »I do wish they would put their heads down I am so very
tired of being all alone here«
As she said this she looked down at her hands and was surprised to see that
she had put on one of the Rabbits little white kidgloves while she was talking
»How can I have done that« she thought »I must be growing small again« She
got up and went to the table to measure herself by it and found that as nearly
as she could guess she was now about two feet high and was going on shrinking
rapidly she soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding
and she dropped it hastily just in time to save herself from shrinking away
altogether
»That was a narrow escape« said Alice a good deal frightened at the sudden
change but very glad to find herself still in existence »And now for the
garden« And she ran with all speed back to the little door but alas the
little door was shut again and the little golden key was lying on the glass
table as before »and things are worse than ever« thought the poor child »for
I never was so small as this before never And I declare its too bad that it
is«
As she said these words her foot slipped and in another moment splash she
was up to her chin in saltwater Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen
into the sea »and in that case I can go back by railway« she said to herself
Alice had been to the seaside once in her life and had come to the general
conclusion that wherever you go to on the English coast you find a number of
bathingmachines in the sea some children digging in the sand with wooden
spades then a row of lodginghouses and behind them a railway station
However she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept
when she was nine feet high
»I wish I hadnt cried so much« said Alice as she swam about trying to
find her way out »I shall be punished for it now I suppose by being drowned
in my own tears That will be a queer thing to be sure However everything is
queer today«
Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way off
and she swam nearer to make out what it was at first she thought it must be a
walrus or hippopotamus but then she remembered how small she was now and she
soon made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself
»Would it be of any use now« thought Alice »to speak to this mouse
Everything is so outoftheway down here that I should think very likely it
can talk at any rate theres no harm in trying« So she began »O Mouse do
you know the way out of this pool I am very tired of swimming about here O
Mouse« Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse she
had never done such a thing before but she remembered having seen in her
brothers Latin Grammar »A mouse of a mouse to a mouse a mouse O
mouse« The mouse looked at her rather inquisitively and seemed to her to wink
with one of its little eyes but it said nothing
»Perhaps it doesnt understand English« thought Alice »I daresay its a
French mouse come over with William the Conqueror« For with all her
knowledge of history Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had
happened So she began again »Ou est ma chatte« which was the first sentence
in her French lessonbook The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water and
seemed to quiver all over with fright »Oh I beg your pardon« cried Alice
hastily afraid that she had hurt the poor animals feelings »I quite forgot
you didnt like cats«
»Not like cats« cried the Mouse in a shrill passionate voice »Would you
like cats if you were me«
»Well perhaps not« said Alice in a soothing tone »dont be angry about
it And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah I think youd take a fancy to
cats if you could only see her She is such a dear quiet thing« Alice went on
half to herself as she swam lazily about in the pool »and she sits purring so
nicely by the fire licking her paws and washing her face and she is such a
nice soft thing to nurse and shes such a capital one for catching mice oh
I beg your pardon« cried Alice again for this time the Mouse was bristling all
over and she felt certain it must be really offended »We wont talk about her
any more if youd rather not«
»We indeed« cried the Mouse who was trembling down to the end of its
tail »As if I would talk on such a subject Our family always hated cats
nasty low vulgar things Dont let me hear the name again«
»I wont indeed« said Alice in a great hurry to change the subject of
conversation »Are you are you fond of of dogs« The Mouse did not answer
so Alice went on eagerly »There is such a nice little dog near our house I
should like to show you A little brighteyed terrier you know with oh such
long curly brown hair And itll fetch things when you throw them and itll sit
up and beg for its dinner and all sorts of things I cant remember half of
them and it belongs to a farmer you know and he says its so useful its
worth a hundred pounds He says it kills all the rats and oh dear« cried
Alice in a sorrowful tone »Im afraid Ive offended it again« For the Mouse
was swimming away from her as hard as it could go and making quite a commotion
in the pool as it went
So she called softly after it »Mouse dear Do come back again and we
wont talk about cats or dogs either if you dont like them« When the Mouse
heard this it turned round and swam slowly back to her its face was quite pale
with passion Alice thought and it said in a low trembling voice »Let us
get to the shore and then Ill tell you my history and youll understand why
it is I hate cats and dogs«
It was high time to go for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
birds and animals that had fallen into it there was a Duck and a Dodo a Lory
and an Eaglet and several other curious creatures Alice led the way and the
whole party swam to the shore
Chapter III
A CaucusRace and a Long Tale
They were indeed a queerlooking party that assembled on the bank the birds
with draggled feathers the animals with their fur clinging close to them and
all dripping wet cross and uncomfortable
The first question of course was how to get dry again they had a
consultation about this and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to
Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them as if she had known them all
her life Indeed she had quite a long argument with the Lory who at last
turned sulky and would only say »Im older than you and must know better«
And this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was and as the Lory
positively refused to tell its age there was no more to be said
At last the Mouse who seemed to be a person of some authority among them
called out »Sit down all of you and listen to me Ill soon make you dry
enough« They all sat down at once in a large ring with the Mouse in the
middle Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it for she felt sure she would
catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon
»Ahem« said the Mouse with an important air »Are you all ready This is
the driest thing I know Silence all round if you please William the
Conqueror whose cause was favoured by the pope was soon submitted to by the
English who wanted leaders and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation
and conquest Edwin and Morcar the earls of Mercia and Northumbria «
»Ugh« said the Lory with a shiver
»I beg your pardon« said the Mouse frowning but very politely »Did you
speak«
»Not I« said the Lory hastily
»I thought you did« said the Mouse »I proceed Edwin and Morcar the earls
of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him and even Stigand the patriotic
archbishop of Canterbury found it advisable «
»Found what« said the Duck
»Found it« the Mouse replied rather crossly »of course you know what it
means«
»I know what it means well enough when I find a thing« said the Duck
»its generally a frog or a worm The question is what did the archbishop
find«
The Mouse did not notice this question but hurriedly went on » found it
advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown
Williams conduct at first was moderate But the insolence of his Normans How
are you getting on now my dear« it continued turning to Alice as it spoke
»As wet as ever« said Alice in a melancholy tone »it doesnt seem to dry
me at all«
»In that case« said the Dodo solemnly rising to its feet »I move that the
meeting adjourn for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies «
»Speak English« said the Eaglet »I dont know the meaning of half those
long words and whats more I dont believe you do either« And the Eaglet
bent down its head to hide a smile some of the other birds tittered audibly
»What I was going to say« said the Dodo in an offended tone »was that the
best thing to get us dry would be a Caucusrace«
»What is a Caucusrace« said Alice not that she much wanted to know but
the Dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak and no one
else seemed inclined to say anything
»Why« said the Dodo »the best way to explain it is to do it« And as you
might like to try the thing yourself some winterday I will tell you how the
Dodo managed it
First it marked out a racecourse in a sort of circle »the exact shape
doesnt matter« it said and then all the party were placed along the course
here and there There was no »One two three and away« but they began
running when they liked and left off when they liked so that it was not easy
to know when the race was over However when they had been running half an hour
or so and were quite dry again the Dodo suddenly called out »The race is
over« and they all crowded round it panting and asking »But who has won«
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought and
it stood for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead the position
in which you usually see Shakespeare in the pictures of him while the rest
waited in silence At last the Dodo said »Everybody has won and all must have
prizes«
»But who is to give the prizes« quite a chorus of voices asked
»Why she of course« said the Dodo pointing to Alice with one finger and
the whole party at once crowded round her calling out in a confused way
»Prizes Prizes«
Alice had no idea what to do and in despair she put her hand in her pocket
and pulled out a box of comfits luckily the saltwater had not got into it and
handed them round as prizes There was exactly one apiece all round
»But she must have a prize herself you know« said the Mouse
»Of course« the Dodo replied very gravely »What else have you got in your
pocket« it went on turning to Alice
»Only a thimble« said Alice sadly
»Hand it over here« said the Dodo
Then they all crowded round her once more while the Dodo solemnly presented
the thimble saying »We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble« and when
it had finished this short speech they all cheered
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd but they all looked so grave that
she did not dare to laugh and as she could not think of anything to say she
simply bowed and took the thimble looking as solemn as she could
The next thing was to eat the comfits this caused some noise and confusion
as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs and the small
ones choked and had to be patted on the back However it was over at last and
they sat down again in a ring and begged the Mouse to tell them something more
»You promised to tell me your history you know« said Alice »and why it is
you hate C and D« she added in a whisper half afraid that it would be
offended again
»Mine is a long and sad tale« said the Mouse turning to Alice and
sighing
»It is a long tail certainly« said Alice looking down with wonder at the
Mouses tail »but why do you call it sad« And she kept on puzzling about it
while the mouse was speaking so that her idea of the tale was something like
this
»You are not attending« said the Mouse to Alice severely »What are you
thinking of«
»I beg your pardon« said Alice very humbly »you had got to the fifth bend
I think«
»I had not« cried the Mouse sharply and very angrily
»A knot« said Alice always ready to make herself useful and looking
anxiously about her »Oh do let me help to undo it«
»I shall do nothing of the sort« said the Mouse getting up and walking
away »You insult me by talking such nonsense«
»I didnt mean it« pleaded poor Alice »But youre so easily offended you
know«
The Mouse only growled in reply
»Please come back and finish your story« Alice called after it And the
others all joined in chorus »Yes please do« But the Mouse only shook its head
impatiently and walked a little quicker
»What a pity it wouldnt stay« sighed the Lory as soon as it was quite out
of sight And an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter »Ah my
dear Let this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper« »Hold your tongue
Ma« said the young Crab a little snappishly »Youre enough to try the
patience of an oyster«
»I wish I had our Dinah here I know I do« said Alice aloud addressing
nobody in particular »Shed soon fetch it back«
»And who is Dinah if I might venture to ask the question« said the Lory
Alice replied eagerly for she was always ready to talk about her pet
»Dinahs our cat And shes such a capital one for catching mice you cant
think And oh I wish you could see her after the birds Why shell eat a
little bird as soon as look at it«
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party Some of the birds
hurried off at once one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully
remarking »I really must be getting home the nightair doesnt suit my throat«
And a Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children »Come away my
dears Its high time you were all in bed« On various pretexts they all moved
off and Alice was soon left alone
»I wish I hadnt mentioned Dinah« she said to herself in a melancholy tone
»Nobody seems to like her down here and Im sure shes the best cat in the
world Oh my dear Dinah I wonder if I shall ever see you any more« And here
poor Alice began to cry again for she felt very lonely and lowspirited In a
little while however she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the
distance and she looked up eagerly half hoping that the Mouse had changed his
mind and was coming back to finish his story
Chapter IV
The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
It was the White Rabbit trotting slowly back again and looking anxiously about
as it went as if it had lost something and she heard it muttering to itself
»The Duchess The Duchess Oh my dear paws Oh my fur and whiskers Shell get
me executed as sure as ferrets are ferrets Where can I have dropped them I
wonder« Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair
of white kidgloves and she very goodnaturedly began hunting about for them
but they were nowhere to be seen everything seemed to have changed since her
swim in the pool and the great hall with the glass table and the little door
had vanished completely
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice as she went hunting about and called
out to her in an angry tone »Why Mary Ann what are you doing out here Run
home this moment and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan Quick now« And
Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it
pointed to without trying to explain the mistake that it had made
»He took me for his housemaid« she said to herself as she ran »How
surprised hell be when he finds out who I am But Id better take him his fan
and gloves that is if I can find them« As she said this she came upon a
neat little house on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name
»W RABBIT« engraved upon it She went in without knocking and hurried
upstairs in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann and be turned
out of the house before she had found the fan and gloves
»How queer it seems« Alice said to herself »to be going messages for a
rabbit I suppose Dinahll be sending me on messages next« And she began
fancying the sort of thing that would happen »Miss Alice Come here directly
and get ready for your walk Coming in a minute nurse But Ive got to watch
this mousehole till Dinah comes back and see that the mouse doesnt get out
Only I dont think« Alice went on »that theyd let Dinah stop in the house if
it began ordering people about like that«
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in
the window and on it as she had hoped a fan and two or three pairs of tiny
white kidgloves she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves and was just
going to leave the room when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near
the lookingglass There was no label this time with the words »DRINK ME« but
nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips »I know something
interesting is sure to happen« she said to herself »whenever I eat or drink
anything so Ill just see what this bottle does I do hope itll make me grow
large again for really Im quite tired of being such a tiny little thing«
It did so indeed and much sooner than she had expected before she had
drunk half the bottle she found her head pressing against the ceiling and had
to stoop to save her neck from being broken She hastily put down the bottle
saying to herself »Thats quite enough I hope I shant grow any more As it
is I cant get out at the door I do wish I hadnt drunk quite so much«
Alas It was too late to wish that She went on growing and growing and
very soon had to kneel down on the floor in another minute there was not even
room for this and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow against the
door and the other arm curled round her head Still she went on growing and
as a last resource she put one arm out of the window and one foot up the
chimney and said to herself »Now I can do no more whatever happens What will
become of me«
Luckily for Alice the little magic bottle had now had its full effect and
she grew no larger still it was very uncomfortable and as there seemed to be
no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again no wonder she felt
unhappy
»It was much pleasanter at home« thought poor Alice »when one wasnt
always growing larger and smaller and being ordered about by mice and rabbits
I almost wish I hadnt gone down that rabbithole and yet and yet its
rather curious you know this sort of life I do wonder what can have happened
to me When I used to read fairy tales I fancied that kind of thing never
happened and now here I am in the middle of one There ought to be a book
written about me that there ought And when I grow up Ill write one but Im
grown up now« she added in a sorrowful tone »at least theres no room to grow
up any more here«
»But then« thought Alice »shall I never get any older than I am now
Thatll be a comfort one way never to be an old woman but then always to
have lessons to learn Oh I shouldnt like that«
»Oh you foolish Alice« she answered herself »How can you learn lessons in
here Why theres hardly room for you and no room at all for any
lessonbooks«
And so she went on taking first one side and then the other and making
quite a conversation of it altogether but after a few minutes she heard a voice
outside and stopped to listen
»Mary Ann Mary Ann« said the voice »Fetch me my gloves this moment« Then
came a little pattering of feet on the stairs Alice knew it was the Rabbit
coming to look for her and she trembled till she shook the house quite
forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit and
had no reason to be afraid of it
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door and tried to open it but as the
door opened inwards and Alices elbow was pressed hard against it that attempt
proved a failure Alice heard it say to itself »Then Ill go round and get in at
the window«
»That you wont« thought Alice and after waiting till she fancied she
heard the Rabbit just under the window she suddenly spread out her hand and
made a snatch in the air She did not get hold of anything but she heard a
little shriek and a fall and a crash of broken glass from which she concluded
that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumberframe or something of
the sort
Next came an angry voice the Rabbits »Pat Pat Where are you« And
then a voice she had never heard before »Sure then Im here Digging for
apples yer honour«
»Digging for apples indeed« said the Rabbit angrily »Here Come help me
out of this« Sounds of more broken glass
»Now tell me Pat whats that in the window«
»Sure its an arm yer honour« He pronounced it »arrum«
»An arm you goose Who ever saw one that size Why it fills the whole
window«
»Sure it does yer honour but its an arm for all that«
»Well its got no business there at any rate go and take it away«
There was a long silence after this and Alice could only hear whispers now
and then such as »Sure I dont like it yer honour at all at all« »Do as I
tell you you coward« and at last she spread out her hand again and made
another snatch in the air This time there were two little shrieks and more
sounds of broken glass »What a number of cucumberframes there must be«
thought Alice »I wonder what theyll do next As for pulling me out of the
window I only wish they could Im sure I dont want to stay in here any
longer«
She waited for some time without hearing anything more at last came a
rumbling of little cartwheels and the sound of a good many voices all talking
together she made out the words »Wheres the other ladder Why I hadnt to
bring but one Bills got the other Bill Fetch it here lad Here put em
up at this corner No tie em together first they dont reach half high
enough yet Oh theyll do well enough Dont be particular Here Bill Catch
hold of this rope Will the roof bear Mind that loose slate Oh its
coming down Heads below« a loud crash »Now who did that It was Bill I
fancy Whos to go down the chimney Nay I shant You do it That I
wont then Bills got to go down Here Bill The master says youve got
to go down the chimney«
»Oh So Bills got to come down the chimney has he« said Alice to herself
»Why they seem to put everything upon Bill I wouldnt be in Bills place for a
good deal this fireplace is narrow to be sure but I think I can kick a
little«
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could and waited till she
heard a little animal she couldnt guess of what sort it was scratching and
scrambling about in the chimney close above her then saying to herself »This
is Bill« she gave one sharp kick and waited to see what would happen next
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of »There goes Bill« then
the Rabbits voice alone »Catch him you by the hedge« then silence and then
another confusion of voices »Hold up his head Brandy now Dont choke him
How was it old fellow What happened to you Tell us all about it«
Last came a little feeble squeaking voice »Thats Bill« thought Alice
»Well I hardly know No more thank ye Im better now but Im a deal too
flustered to tell you all I know is something comes at me like a
Jackinthebox and up I goes like a skyrocket«
»So you did old fellow« said the others
»We must burn the house down« said the Rabbits voice And Alice called
out as loud as she could »If you do Ill set Dinah at you«
There was a dead silence instantly and Alice thought to herself »I wonder
what they will do next If they had any sense theyd take the roof off« After
a minute or two they began moving about again and Alice heard the Rabbit say »A
barrowful will do to begin with«
»A barrowful of what« thought Alice But she had not long to doubt for the
next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window and some
of them hit her in the face »Ill put a stop to this« she said to herself and
shouted out »Youd better not do that again« which produced another dead
silence
Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
little cakes as they lay on the floor and a bright idea came into her head »If
I eat one of these cakes« she thought »its sure to make some change in my
size and as it cant possibly make me larger it must make me smaller I
suppose«
So she swallowed one of the cakes and was delighted to find that she began
shrinking directly As soon as she was small enough to get through the door she
ran out of the house and found quite a crowd of little animals and birds
waiting outside The poor little Lizard Bill was in the middle being held up
by two guineapigs who were giving it something out of a bottle They all made
a rush at Alice the moment she appeared but she ran off as hard as she could
and soon found herself safe in a thick wood
»The first thing Ive got to do« said Alice to herself as she wandered
about in the wood »is to grow to my right size again and the second thing is
to find my way into that lovely garden I think that will be the best plan«
It sounded an excellent plan no doubt and very neatly and simply arranged
the only difficulty was that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it
and while she was peering about anxiously among the trees a little sharp bark
just over her head made her look up in a great hurry
An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes and feebly
stretching out one paw trying to touch her »Poor little thing« said Alice in
a coaxing tone and she tried hard to whistle to it but she was terribly
frightened all the time at the thought that it might be hungry in which case it
would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing
Hardly knowing what she did she picked up a little bit of stick and held
it out to the puppy whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at
once with a yelp of delight and rushed at the stick and made believe to worry
it then Alice dodged behind a great thistle to keep herself from being run
over and the moment she appeared on the other side the puppy made another
rush at the stick and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to get hold of it
then Alice thinking it was very like having a game of play with a carthorse
and expecting every moment to be trampled under its feet ran round the thistle
again then the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick running a
very little way forwards each time and a long way back and barking hoarsely all
the while till at last it sat down a good way off panting with its tongue
hanging out of its mouth and its great eyes half shut
This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape so she set
off at once and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath and till the
puppys bark sounded quite faint in the distance
»And yet what a dear little puppy it was« said Alice as she leant against
a buttercup to rest herself and fanned herself with one of the leaves »I
should have liked teaching it tricks very much if if Id only been the right
size to do it Oh dear Id nearly forgotten that Ive got to grow up again Let
me see how is it to be managed I suppose I ought to eat or drink something or
other but the great question is What«
The great question certainly was »What« Alice looked all round her at the
flowers and the blades of grass but she could not see anything that looked like
the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances There was a large
mushroom growing near her about the same height as herself and when she had
looked under it and on both sides of it and behind it it occurred to her that
she might as well look and see what was on top of it
She stretched herself up on tiptoe and peeped over the edge of the
mushroom and her eyes immediately met those of a large blue caterpillar that
was sitting on the top with its arms folded quietly smoking a long hookah and
taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else
Chapter V
Advice from a Caterpillar
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence at last
the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and addressed her in a
languid sleepy voice
»Who are you« said the Caterpillar
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation Alice replied
rather shyly »I I hardly know Sir just at present at least I know who I
was when I got up this morning but I think I must have been changed several
times since then«
»What do you mean by that« said the Caterpillar sternly »Explain
yourself«
»I cant explain myself Im afraid Sir« said Alice »because Im not
myself you see«
»I dont see« said the Caterpillar
»Im afraid I cant put it more clearly« Alice replied very politely
»for I cant understand it myself to begin with and being so many different
sizes in a day is very confusing«
»It isnt« said the Caterpillar
»Well perhaps you havent found it so yet« said Alice »but when you have
to turn into a chrysalis you will some day you know and then after that
into a butterfly I should think youll feel it a little queer wont you«
»Not a bit« said the Caterpillar
»Well perhaps your feelings may be different« said Alice »all I know is
it would feel very queer to me«
»You« said the Caterpillar contemptuously »Who are you«
Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation Alice
felt a little irritated at the Caterpillars making such very short remarks and
she drew herself up and said very gravely »I think you ought to tell me who
you are first«
»Why« said the Caterpillar
Here was another puzzling question and as Alice could not think of any
good reason and the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of
mind she turned away
»Come back« the Caterpillar called after her »Ive something important to
say«
This sounded promising certainly Alice turned and came back again
»Keep your temper« said the Caterpillar
»Is that all« said Alice swallowing down her anger as well as she could
»No« said the Caterpillar
Alice thought she might as well wait as she had nothing else to do and
perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing For some minutes it
puffed away without speaking but at last it unfolded its arms took the hookah
out of its mouth again and said »So you think youre changed do you«
»Im afraid I am Sir« said Alice »I cant remember things as I used
and I dont keep the same size for ten minutes together«
»Cant remember what things« said the Caterpillar
»Well Ive tried to say How doth the little busy bee but it all came
different« Alice replied in a very melancholy voice
»Repeat You are old Father William« said the Caterpillar
Alice folded her hands and began
»You are old Father William« the young man said
»And your hair has become very white
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think at your age it is right«
»In my youth« Father William replied to his son
»I feared it might injure the brain
But now that Im perfectly sure I have none
Why I do it again and again«
»You are old« said the youth »as I mentioned before
And have grown most uncommonly fat
Yet you turned a backsomersault in at the door
Pray what is the reason of that«
»In my youth« said the sage as he shook his grey locks
»I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment one shilling the box
Allow me to sell you a couple«
»You are old« said the youth »and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet
Yet you finished the goose with the bones and the beak
Pray how did you manage to do it«
»In my youth« said his father »I took to the law
And argued each case with my wife
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life«
»You are old« said the youth »one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever«
»I have answered three questions and that is enough«
Said his father »Dont give yourself airs
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff
Be off or Ill kick you downstairs«
»That is not said right« said the Caterpillar
»Not quite right Im afraid« said Alice timidly »some of the words have
got altered«
»It is wrong from beginning to end« said the Caterpillar decidedly and
there was silence for some minutes
The Caterpillar was the first to speak
»What size do you want to be« it asked
»Oh Im not particular as to size« Alice hastily replied »only one
doesnt like changing so often you know«
»I dont know« said the Caterpillar
Alice said nothing she had never been so much contradicted in all her life
before and she felt that she was losing her temper
»Are you content now« said the Caterpillar
»Well I should like to be a little larger Sir if you wouldnt mind« said
Alice »three inches is such a wretched height to be«
»It is a very good height indeed« said the Caterpillar angrily rearing
itself upright as it spoke it was exactly three inches high
»But Im not used to it« pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone And she
thought to herself »I wish the creatures wouldnt be so easily offended«
»Youll get used to it in time« said the Caterpillar and it put the hookah
into its mouth and began smoking again
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again In a minute
or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or
twice and shook itself Then it got down off the mushroom and crawled away
into the grass merely remarking as it went »One side will make you grow
taller and the other side will make you grow shorter«
»One side of what The other side of what« thought Alice to herself
»Of the mushroom« said the Caterpillar just as if she had asked it aloud
and in another moment it was out of sight
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute trying to
make out which were the two sides of it and as it was perfectly round she
found this a very difficult question However at last she stretched her arms
round it as far as they would go and broke off a bit of the edge with each
hand
»And now which is which« she said to herself and nibbled a little of the
righthand bit to try the effect The next moment she felt a violent blow
underneath her chin it had struck her foot
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change but she felt that
there was no time to be lost as she was shrinking rapidly so she set to work
at once to eat some of the other bit Her chin was pressed so closely against
her foot that there was hardly room to open her mouth but she did it at last
and managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit
»Come my heads free at last« said Alice in a tone of delight which changed
into alarm in another moment when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to
be found all she could see when she looked down was an immense length of
neck which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay
far below her
»What can all that green stuff be« said Alice »And where have my shoulders
got to And oh my poor hands how is it I cant see you« She was moving them
about as she spoke but no result seemed to follow except a little shaking
among the distant green leaves
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head she
tried to get her head down to them and was delighted to find that her neck
would bend about easily in any direction like a serpent She had just
succeeding in curving it down into a graceful zigzag and was going to dive in
among the leaves which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under
which she had been wandering when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry a
large pigeon had flown into her face and was beating her violently with its
wings
»Serpent« screamed the Pigeon
»Im not a serpent« said Alice indignantly »Let me alone«
»Serpent I say again« repeated the Pigeon but in a more subdued tone and
added with a kind of sob »Ive tried every way but nothing seems to suit
them«
»I havent the least idea what youre talking about« said Alice
»Ive tried the roots of trees and Ive tried banks and Ive tried
hedges« the Pigeon went on without attending to her »but those serpents
Theres no pleasing them«
Alice was more and more puzzled but she thought there was no use in saying
anything more till the Pigeon had finished
»As if it wasnt trouble enough hatching the eggs« said the Pigeon »but I
must be on the lookout for serpents night and day Why I havent had a wink
of sleep these three weeks«
»Im very sorry youve been annoyed« said Alice who was beginning to see
its meaning
»And just as Id taken the highest tree in the wood« continued the Pigeon
raising its voice to a shriek »and just as I was thinking I should be free of
them at last they must needs come wriggling down from the sky Ugh Serpent«
»But Im not a serpent I tell you« said Alice »Im a Im a «
»Well What are you« said the Pigeon »I can see youre trying to invent
something«
»I Im a little girl« said Alice rather doubtfully as she remembered
the number of changes she had gone through that day
»A likely story indeed« said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt
»Ive seen a good many little girls in my time but never one with such a neck
as that No no Youre a serpent and theres no use denying it I suppose
youll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg«
»I have tasted eggs certainly« said Alice who was a very truthful child
»but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do you know«
»I dont believe it« said the Pigeon »but if they do why then theyre a
kind of serpent thats all I can say«
This was such a new idea to Alice that she was quite silent for a minute or
two which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding »Youre looking for eggs I
know that well enough and what does it matter to me whether youre a little
girl or a serpent«
»It matters a good deal to me« said Alice hastily »but Im not looking for
eggs as it happens and if I was I shouldnt want yours I dont like them
raw«
»Well be off then« said the Pigeon in a sulky tone as it settled down
again into its nest Alice crouched down among the trees as well as she could
for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches and every now and then
she had to stop and untwist it After a while she remembered that she still held
the pieces of mushroom in her hands and she set to work very carefully
nibbling first at one and then at the other and growing sometimes taller and
sometimes shorter until she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual
height
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size that it felt
quite strange at first but she got used to it in a few minutes and began
talking to herself as usual »Come theres half my plan done now How puzzling
all these changes are Im never sure what Im going to be from one minute to
another However Ive got back to my right size the next thing is to get into
that beautiful garden how is that to be done I wonder« As she said this she
came suddenly upon an open place with a little house in it about four feet
high »Whoever lives there« thought Alice »itll never do to come upon them
this size why I should frighten them out of their wits« So she began nibbling
at the righthand bit again and did not venture to go near the house till she
had brought herself down to nine inches high
Chapter VI
Pig and Pepper
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house and wondering what to do
next when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the wood she
considered him to be a footman because he was in livery otherwise judging by
his face only she would have called him a fish and rapped loudly at the door
with his knuckles It was opened by another footman in livery with a round
face and large eyes like a frog and both footmen Alice noticed had powdered
hair that curled all over their heads She felt very curious to know what it was
all about and crept a little way out of the wood to listen
The FishFootman began by producing from under his arm a great letter
nearly as large as himself and this he handed over to the other saying in a
solemn tone »For the Duchess An invitation from the Queen to play croquet«
The FrogFootman repeated in the same solemn tone only changing the order of
the words a little »From the Queen An invitation for the Duchess to play
croquet«
Then they both bowed and their curls got entangled together
Alice laughed so much at this that she had to run back into the wood for
fear of their hearing her and when she next peeped out the FishFootman was
gone and the other was sitting on the ground near the door staring stupidly up
into the sky
Alice went timidly up to the door and knocked
»Theres no sort of use in knocking« said the Footman »and that for two
reasons First because Im on the same side of the door as you are secondly
because theyre making such a noise inside no one could possibly hear you« And
certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within a constant
howling and sneezing and every now and then a great crash as if a dish or
kettle had been broken to pieces
»Please then« said Alice »how am I to get in«
»There might be some sense in your knocking« the Footman went on without
attending to her »if we had the door between us For instance if you were
inside you might knock and I could let you out you know« He was looking up
into the sky all the time he was speaking and this Alice thought decidedly
uncivil »But perhaps he cant help it« she said to herself »his eyes are so
very nearly at the top of his head But at any rate he might answer questions
How am I to get in« she repeated aloud
»I shall sit here« the Footman remarked »till tomorrow «
At this moment the door of the house opened and a large plate came skimming
out straight at the Footmans head it just grazed his nose and broke to
pieces against one of the trees behind him
» or next day maybe« the Footman continued in the same tone exactly as
if nothing had happened
»How am I to get in« asked Alice again in a louder tone
»Are you to get in at all« said the Footman »Thats the first question
you know«
It was no doubt only Alice did not like to be told so »Its really
dreadful« she muttered to herself »the way all the creatures argue Its
enough to drive one crazy«
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
remark with variations »I shall sit here« he said »on and off for days and
days«
»But what am I to do« said Alice
»Anything you like« said the Footman and began whistling
»Oh theres no use in talking to him« said Alice desperately »hes
perfectly idiotic« And she opened the door and went in
The door led right into a large kitchen which was full of smoke from one
end to the other the Duchess was sitting on a threelegged stool in the middle
nursing a baby the cook was leaning over the fire stirring a large cauldron
which seemed to be full of soup
»Theres certainly too much pepper in that soup« Alice said to herself as
well as she could for sneezing
There was certainly too much of it in the air Even the Duchess sneezed
occasionally and as for the baby it was sneezing and howling alternately
without a moments pause The only two creatures in the kitchen that did not
sneeze were the cook and a large cat which was lying on the hearth and
grinning from ear to ear
»Please would you tell me« said Alice a little timidly for she was not
quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first »why your cat
grins like that«
»Its a CheshireCat« said the Duchess »and thats why Pig«
She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped
but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby and not to her
so she took courage and went on again
»I didnt know that CheshireCats always grinned in fact I didnt know
that cats could grin«
»They all can« said the Duchess »and most of em do«
»I dont know of any that do« Alice said very politely feeling quite
pleased to have got into a conversation
»You dont know much« said the Duchess »and thats a fact«
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark and thought it would be
as well to introduce some other subject of conversation While she was trying to
fix on one the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire and at once set to
work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby the
fireirons came first then followed a shower of saucepans plates and dishes
The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit her and the baby was
howling so much already that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows
hurt it or not
»Oh please mind what youre doing« cried Alice jumping up and down in an
agony of terror »Oh there goes his precious nose« as an unusually large
saucepan flew close by it and very nearly carried it off
»If everybody minded their own business« the Duchess said in a hoarse
growl »the world would go round a deal faster than it does«
»Which would not be an advantage« said Alice who felt very glad to get an
opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge »Just think what work it
would make with the day and night You see the earth takes twentyfour hours to
turn round on its axis «
»Talking of axes« said the Duchess »chop off her head«
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook to see if she meant to take the
hint but the cook was busily stirring the soup and seemed not to be listening
so she went on again »Twentyfour hours I think or is it twelve I «
»Oh dont bother me« said the Duchess »I never could abide figures« And
with that she began nursing her child again singing a sort of lullaby to it as
she did so and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line
»Speak roughly to your little boy
And beat him when he sneezes
He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases«
Chorus
in which the cook and the baby joined
»Wow wow wow«
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song she kept tossing the baby
violently up and down and the poor little thing howled so that Alice could
hardly hear the words
»I speak severely to my boy
I beat him when he sneezes
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases«
Chorus
»Wow wow wow«
»Here You may nurse it a bit if you like« the Duchess said to Alice flinging
the baby at her as she spoke »I must go and get ready to play croquet with the
Queen« and she hurried out of the room The cook threw a fryingpan after her
as she went but it just missed her
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty as it was a queershaped little
creature and held out its arms and legs in all directions »just like a
starfish« thought Alice The poor little thing was snorting like a
steamengine when she caught it and kept doubling itself up and straightening
itself out again so that altogether for the first minute or two it was as
much as she could do to hold it
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it which was to twist
it up into a sort of knot and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left
foot so as to prevent its undoing itself she carried it out into the open
air »If I dont take this child away with me« thought Alice »theyre sure to
kill it in a day or two Wouldnt it be murder to leave it behind« She said the
last words out loud and the little thing grunted in reply it had left off
sneezing by this time »Dont grunt« said Alice »thats not at all a proper
way of expressing yourself«
The baby grunted again and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to see
what was the matter with it There could be no doubt that it had a very turnup
nose much more like a snout than a real nose also its eyes were getting
extremely small for a baby altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing
at all »But perhaps it was only sobbing« she thought and looked into its eyes
again to see if there were any tears
No there were no tears »If youre going to turn into a pig my dear« said
Alice seriously »Ill have nothing more to do with you Mind now« The poor
little thing sobbed again or grunted it was impossible to say which and they
went on for some while in silence
Alice was just beginning to think to herself »Now what am I to do with
this creature when I get it home« when it grunted again so violently that
she looked down into its face in some alarm This time there could be no mistake
about it it was neither more nor less than a pig and she felt that it would be
quite absurd for her to carry it any further
So she set the little creature down and felt quite relieved to see it trot
away quietly into the wood »If it had grown up« she said to herself »it would
have made a dreadfully ugly child but it makes rather a handsome pig I think«
And she began thinking over other children she knew who might do very well as
pigs and was just saying to herself »if one only knew the right way to change
them « when she was a little startled by seeing the CheshireCat sitting on a
bough of a tree a few yards off
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice It looked goodnatured she thought
still it had very long claws and a great many teeth so she felt that it ought
to be treated with respect
»CheshirePuss« she began rather timidly as she did not at all know
whether it would like the name however it only grinned a little wider »Come
its pleased so far« thought Alice and she went on »Would you tell me
please which way I ought to go from here«
»That depends a good deal on where you want to get to« said the Cat
»I dont much care where « said Alice
»Then it doesnt matter which way you go« said the Cat
» so long as I get somewhere« Alice added as an explanation
»Oh youre sure to do that« said the Cat »if you only walk long enough«
Alice felt that this could not be denied so she tried another question
»What sort of people live about here«
»In that direction« the Cat said waving its right paw round »lives a
Hatter and in that direction« waving the other paw »lives a March Hare Visit
either you like theyre both mad«
»But I dont want to go among mad people« Alice remarked
»Oh you cant help that« said the Cat »were all mad here Im mad
Youre mad«
»How do you know Im mad« said Alice
»You must be« said the Cat »or you wouldnt have come here«
Alice didnt think that proved it at all however she went on »And how do
you know that youre mad«
»To begin with« said the Cat »a dogs not mad You grant that«
»I suppose so« said Alice
»Well then« the Cat went on »you see a dog growls when its angry and
wags its tail when its pleased Now I growl when Im pleased and wag my tail
when Im angry Therefore Im mad«
»I call it purring not growling« said Alice
»Call it what you like« said the Cat »Do you play croquet with the Queen
today«
»I should like it very much« said Alice »but I havent been invited yet«
»Youll see me there« said the Cat and vanished
Alice was not much surprised at this she was getting so well used to queer
things happening While she was still looking at the place where it had been it
suddenly appeared again
»Bythebye what became of the baby« said the Cat »Id nearly forgotten
to ask«
»It turned into a pig« Alice answered very quietly just as if the Cat had
come back in a natural way
»I thought it would« said the Cat and vanished again
Alice waited a little half expecting to see it again but it did not
appear and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the
March Hare was said to live »Ive seen hatters before« she said to herself
»the March Hare will be much the most interesting and perhaps as this is May
it wont be raving mad at least not so mad as it was in March« As she said
this she looked up and there was the Cat again sitting on a branch of a tree
»Did you say pig or fig« said the Cat
»I said pig« replied Alice »and I wish you wouldnt keep appearing and
vanishing so suddenly you make one quite giddy«
»All right« said the Cat and this time it vanished quite slowly beginning
with the end of the tail and ending with the grin which remained some time
after the rest of it had gone
»Well Ive often seen a cat without a grin« thought Alice »but a grin
without a cat Its the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life«
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the
March Hare she thought it must be the right house because the chimneys were
shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur It was so large a house
that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the
lefthand bit of mushroom and raised herself to about two feet high even then
she walked up towards it rather timidly saying to herself »Suppose it should be
raving mad after all I almost wish Id gone to see the Hatter instead«
Chapter VII
A Mad TeaParty
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house and the March Hare
and the Hatter were having tea at it a Dormouse was sitting between them fast
asleep and the other two were using it as a cushion resting their elbows on
it and talking over its head »Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse« thought
Alice »only as its asleep I suppose it doesnt mind«
The table was a large one but the three were all crowded together at one
corner of it »No room No room« they cried out when they saw Alice coming
»Theres plenty of room« said Alice indignantly and she sat down in a large
armchair at one end of the table
»Have some wine« the March Hare said in an encouraging tone
Alice looked all round the table but there was nothing on it but tea »I
dont see any wine« she remarked
»There isnt any« said the March Hare
»Then it wasnt very civil of you to offer it« said Alice angrily
»It wasnt very civil of you to sit down without being invited« said the
March Hare
»I didnt know it was your table« said Alice »its laid for a great many
more than three«
»Your hair wants cutting« said the Hatter He had been looking at Alice for
some time with great curiosity and this was his first speech
»You should learn not to make personal remarks« Alice said with some
severity »its very rude«
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this but all he said was
»Why is a raven like a writingdesk«
»Come we shall have some fun now« thought Alice »Im glad theyve begun
asking riddles I believe I can guess that« she added aloud
»Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it« said the
March Hare
»Exactly so« said Alice
»Then you should say what you mean« the March Hare went on
»I do« Alice hastily replied »at least at least I mean what I say
thats the same thing you know«
»Not the same thing a bit« said the Hatter »Why you might just as well
say that I see what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see«
»You might just as well say« added the March Hare »that I like what I get
is the same thing as I get what I like«
»You might just as well say« added the Dormouse which seemed to be talking
in its sleep »that I breathe when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I
breathe«
»It is the same thing with you« said the Hatter and here the conversation
dropped and the party sat silent for a minute while Alice thought over all she
could remember about ravens and writingdesks which wasnt much
The Hatter was the first to break the silence »What day of the month is
it« he said turning to Alice he had taken his watch out of his pocket and
was looking at it uneasily shaking it every now and then and holding it to his
ear
Alice considered a little and then said »The fourth«
»Two days wrong« sighed the Hatter »I told you butter wouldnt suit the
works« he added looking angrily at the March Hare
»It was the best butter« the March Hare meekly replied
»Yes but some crumbs must have got in as well« the Hatter grumbled »you
shouldnt have put it in with the breadknife«
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily then he dipped it
into his cup of tea and looked at it again but he could think of nothing
better to say than his first remark »It was the best butter you know«
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity »What a funny
watch« she remarked »It tells the day of the month and doesnt tell what
oclock it is«
»Why should it« muttered the Hatter »Does your watch tell you what year it
is«
»Of course not« Alice replied very readily »but thats because it stays
the same year for such a long time together«
»Which is just the case with mine« said the Hatter
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled The Hatters remark seemed to her to have no
sort of meaning in it and yet it was certainly English »I dont quite
understand you« she said as politely as she could
»The Dormouse is asleep again« said the Hatter and he poured a little hot
tea upon its nose
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently and said without opening its eyes
»Of course of course just what I was going to remark myself«
»Have you guessed the riddle yet« the Hatter said turning to Alice again
»No I give it up« Alice replied »Whats the answer«
»I havent the slightest idea« said the Hatter
»Nor I« said the March Hare
Alice sighed wearily »I think you might do something better with the time«
she said »than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers«
»If you knew Time as well as I do« said the Hatter »you wouldnt talk
about wasting it Its him«
»I dont know what you mean« said Alice
»Of course you dont« the Hatter said tossing his head contemptuously »I
dare say you never even spoke to Time«
»Perhaps not« Alice cautiously replied »but I know I have to beat time
when I learn music«
»Ah That accounts for it« said the Hatter »He wont stand beating Now
if you only kept on good terms with him hed do almost anything you liked with
the clock For instance suppose it were nine oclock in the morning just time
to begin lessons youd only have to whisper a hint to Time and round goes the
clock in a twinkling Halfpast one time for dinner«
»I only wish it was« the March Hare said to itself in a whisper
»That would be grand certainly« said Alice thoughtfully »but then I
shouldnt be hungry for it you know«
»Not at first perhaps« said the Hatter »but you could keep it to
halfpast one as long as you liked«
»Is that the way you manage« Alice asked
The Hatter shook his head mournfully »Not I« he replied »We quarreled
last March just before he went mad you know « pointing his teaspoon at the
March Hare » it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts and I
had to sing
Twinkle twinkle little bat
How I wonder what youre at
You know the song perhaps«
»Ive heard something like it« said Alice
»It goes on you know« the Hatter continued »in this way
Up above the world you fly
Like a teatray in the sky
Twinkle twinkle «
Here the Dormouse shook itself and began singing in its sleep »Twinkle
twinkle twinkle twinkle « and went on so long that they had to pinch it to
make it stop
»Well Id hardly finished the first verse« said the Hatter »when the
Queen bawled out Hes murdering the time Off with his head«
»How dreadfully savage« exclaimed Alice
»And ever since that« the Hatter went on in a mournful tone »he wont do
a thing I ask Its always six oclock now«
A bright idea came into Alices head »Is that the reason so many teathings
are put out here« she asked
»Yes thats it« said the Hatter with a sigh »its always teatime and
weve no time to wash the things between whiles«
»Then you keep moving round I suppose« said Alice
»Exactly so« said the Hatter »as the things get used up«
»But what happens when you come to the beginning again« Alice ventured to
ask
»Suppose we change the subject« the March Hare interrupted yawning »Im
getting tired of this I vote the young lady tells us a story«
»Im afraid I dont know one« said Alice rather alarmed at the proposal
»Then the Dormouse shall« they both cried »Wake up Dormouse« And they
pinched it on both sides at once
The Dormouse slowly opened its eyes »I wasnt asleep« it said in a hoarse
feeble voice »I heard every word you fellows were saying«
»Tell us a story« said the March Hare
»Yes please do« pleaded Alice
»And be quick about it« added the Hatter »or youll be asleep again before
its done«
»Once upon a time there were three little sisters« the Dormouse began in a
great hurry »and their names were Elsie Lacie and Tillie and they lived at
the bottom of a well «
»What did they live on« said Alice who always took a great interest in
questions of eating and drinking
»They lived on treacle« said the Dormouse after thinking a minute or two
»They couldnt have done that you know« Alice gently remarked »Theyd
have been ill«
»So they were« said the Dormouse »very ill«
Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary way of
living would be like but it puzzled her too much so she went on »But why did
they live at the bottom of a well«
»Take some more tea« the March Hare said to Alice very earnestly
»Ive had nothing yet« Alice replied in an offended tone »so I cant take
more«
»You mean yon cant take less« said the Hatter »its very easy to take
more than nothing«
»Nobody asked your opinion« said Alice
»Whos making personal remarks now« the Hatter asked triumphantly
Alice did not quite know what to say to this so she helped herself to some
tea and breadandbutter and then turned to the Dormouse and repeated her
question »Why did they live at the bottom of a well«
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it and then said »It
was a treaclewell«
»Theres no such thing« Alice was beginning very angrily but the Hatter
and the March Hare went »Sh Sh« and the Dormouse sulkily remarked »If you
cant be civil youd better finish the story for yourself«
»No please go on« Alice said very humbly »I wont interrupt you again I
dare say there may be one«
»One indeed« said the Dormouse indignantly However he consented to go
on »And so these three little sisters they were learning to draw you know «
»What did they draw« said Alice quite forgetting her promise
»Treacle« said the Dormouse without considering at all this time
»I want a clean cup« interrupted the Hatter »lets all move one place on«
He moved on as he spoke and the Dormouse followed him the March Hare moved
into the Dormouses place and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the
March Hare The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change
and Alice was a good deal worse off than before as the March Hare had just
upset the milkjug into his plate
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again so she began very
cautiously »But I dont understand Where did they draw the treacle from«
»You can draw water out of a waterwell« said the Hatter »so I should
think you could draw treacle out of a treaclewell eh stupid«
»But they were in the well« Alice said to the Dormouse not choosing to
notice this last remark
»Of course they were« said the Dormouse »well in«
This answer so confused poor Alice that she let the Dormouse go on for some
time without interrupting it
»They were learning to draw« the Dormouse went on yawning and rubbing its
eyes for it was getting very sleepy »and they drew all manner of things
everything that begins with an M«
»Why with an M« said Alice
»Why not« said the March Hare
Alice was silent
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time and was going off into a
doze but on being pinched by the Hatter it woke up again with a little
shriek and went on » that begins with an M such as mousetraps and the
moon and memory and muchness you know you say things are much of a muchness
did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness«
»Really now you ask me« said Alice very much confused »I dont think «
»Then you shouldnt talk« said the Hatter
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear she got up in great
disgust and walked off the Dormouse fell asleep instantly and neither of the
others took the least notice of her going though she looked back once or twice
half hoping that they would call after her the last time she saw them they
were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot
»At any rate Ill never go there again« said Alice as she picked her way
through the wood »Its the stupidest teaparty I ever was at in all my life«
Just as she said this she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading
right into it »Thats very curious« she thought »But everythings curious
today I think I may as well go in at once« And in she went
Once more she found herself in the long hall and close to the little glass
table »Now Ill manage better this time« she said to herself and began by
taking the little golden key and unlocking the door that led into the garden
Then she set to work nibbling at the mushroom she had kept a piece of it in her
pocket till she was about a foot high then she walked down the little passage
and then she found herself at last in the beautiful garden among the bright
flowerbeds and the cool fountains
Chapter VIII
The Queens CroquetGround
A large rosetree stood near the entrance of the garden the roses growing on it
were white but there were three gardeners at it busily painting them red
Alice thought this a very curious thing and she went nearer to watch them and
just as she came up to them she heard one of them say »Look out now Five
Dont go splashing paint over me like that«
»I couldnt help it« said Five in a sulky tone »Seven jogged my elbow«
On which Seven looked up and said »Thats right Five Always lay the blame
on others«
»Youd better not talk« said Five »I heard the Queen say only yesterday
you deserved to be beheaded«
»What for« said the one who had spoken first
»Thats none of your business Two« said Seven
»Yes it is his business« said Five »And Ill tell him it was for
bringing the cook tuliproots instead of onions«
Seven flung down his brush and had just begun »Well of all the unjust
things « when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice as she stood watching them
and he checked himself suddenly the others looked round also and all of them
bowed low
»Would you tell me please« said Alice a little timidly »why you are
painting those roses«
Five and Seven said nothing but looked at Two Two began in a low voice
»Why the fact is you see Miss this here ought to have been a red rosetree
and we put a white one in by mistake and if the Queen was to find out we
should all have our heads cut off you know So you see Miss were doing our
best afore she comes to « At this moment Five who had been anxiously
looking across the garden called out »The Queen The Queen« and the three
gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces There was a sound of
many footsteps and Alice looked round eager to see the Queen
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs these were all shaped like the three
gardeners oblong and flat with their hands and feet at the corners next the
ten courtiers these were ornamented all over with diamonds and walked two and
two as the soldiers did After these came the royal children there were ten of
them and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand in couples
they were all ornamented with hearts Next came the guests mostly Kings and
Queens and among them Alice recognized the White Rabbit it was talking in a
hurried nervous manner smiling at everything that was said and went by without
noticing her Then followed the Knave of Hearts carrying the Kings crown on a
crimson velvet cushion and last of all this grand procession came THE KING
AND THE QUEEN OF HEARTS
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like
the three gardeners but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule
at processions »and besides what would be the use of a procession« thought
she »if people had all to lie down on their faces so that they couldnt see
it« So she stood where she was and waited
When the procession came opposite to Alice they all stopped and looked at
her and the Queen said severely »Who is this« She said it to the Knave of
Hearts who only bowed and smiled in reply
»Idiot« said the Queen tossing her head impatiently and turning to Alice
she went on »Whats your name child«
»My name is Alice so please your Majesty« said Alice very politely but
she added to herself »Why theyre only a pack of cards after all I neednt
be afraid of them«
»And who are these« said the Queen pointing to the three gardeners who
were lying round the rosetree for you see as they were lying on their faces
and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack she could
not tell whether they were gardeners or soldiers or courtiers or three of her
own children
»How should I know« said Alice surprised at her own courage »Its no
business of mine«
The Queen turned crimson with fury and after glaring at her for a moment
like a wild beast began screaming »Off with her head Off with «
»Nonsense« said Alice very loudly and decidedly and the Queen was silent
The King laid his hand upon her arm and timidly said »Consider my dear
she is only a child«
The Queen turned angrily away from him and said to the Knave »Turn them
over«
The Knave did so very carefully with one foot
»Get up« said the Queen in a shrill loud voice and the three gardeners
instantly jumped up and began bowing to the King the Queen the royal
children and everybody else
»Leave off that« screamed the Queen »You make me giddy« And then turning
to the rosetree she went on »What have you been doing here«
»May it please your Majesty« said Two in a very humble tone going down on
one knee as he spoke »we were trying «
»I see« said the Queen who had meanwhile been examining the roses »Off
with their heads« and the procession moved on three of the soldiers remaining
behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners who ran to Alice for protection
»You shant be beheaded« said Alice and she put them into a large
flowerpot that stood near The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or
two looking for them and then quietly marched off after the others
»Are their heads off« shouted the Queen
»Their heads are gone if it please your Majesty« the soldiers shouted in
reply
»Thats right« shouted the Queen »Can you play croquet«
The soldiers were silent and looked at Alice as the question was evidently
meant for her
»Yes« shouted Alice
»Come on then« roared the Queen and Alice joined the procession
wondering very much what would happen next
»Its its a very fine day« said a timid voice at her side She was
walking by the White Rabbit who was peeping anxiously into her face
»Very« said Alice »Wheres the Duchess«
»Hush Hush« said the Rabbit in a low hurried tone He looked anxiously
over his shoulder as he spoke and then raised himself upon tiptoe put his
mouth close to her ear and whispered »Shes under sentence of execution«
»What for« said Alice
»Did you say What a pity« the Rabbit said
»No I didnt« said Alice »I dont think its at all a pity I said What
for«
»She boxed the Queens ears « the Rabbit began Alice gave a little scream
of laughter »Oh hush« the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone »The Queen
will hear you You see she came rather late and the Queen said «
»Get to your places« shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder and people
began running about in all directions tumbling up against each other however
they got settled down in a minute or two and the game began
Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquetground in her life
it was all ridges and furrows the croquet balls were live hedgehogs and the
mallets live flamingoes and the soldiers had to double themselves up and stand
on their hands and feet to make the arches
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo she
succeeded in getting its body tucked away comfortably enough under her arm
with its legs hanging down but generally just as she had got its neck nicely
straightened out and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head it
would twist itself round and look up in her face with such a puzzled expression
that she could not help bursting out laughing and when she had got its head
down and was going to begin again it was very provoking to find that the
hedgehog had unrolled itself and was in the act of crawling away besides all
this there was generally a ridge or a furrow in the way wherever she wanted to
send the hedgehog to and as the doubledup soldiers were always getting up and
walking off to other parts of the ground Alice soon came to the conclusion that
it was a very difficult game indeed
The players all played at once without waiting for turns quarreling all
the while and fighting for the hedgehogs and in a very short time the Queen
was in a furious passion and went stamping about and shouting »Off with his
head« or »Off with her head« about once in a minute
Alice began to feel very uneasy to be sure she had not as yet had any
dispute with the Queen but she knew that it might happen any minute »and
then« thought she »what would become of me Theyre dreadfully fond of
beheading people here the great wonder is that theres any one left alive«
She was looking about for some way of escape and wondering whether she
could get away without being seen when she noticed a curious appearance in the
air it puzzled her very much at first but after watching it a minute or two
she made it out to be a grin and she said to herself »Its the CheshireCat
now I shall have somebody to talk to«
»How are you getting on« said the Cat as soon as there was mouth enough
for it to speak with
Alice waited till the eyes appeared and then nodded »Its no use speaking
to it« she thought »till its ears have come or at least one of them« In
another minute the whole head appeared and then Alice put down her flamingo
and began an account of the game feeling very glad she had some one to listen
to her The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight and no
more of it appeared
»I dont think they play at all fairly« Alice began in rather a
complaining tone »and they all quarrel so dreadfully one cant hear oneself
speak and they dont seem to have any rules in particular at least if there
are nobody attends to them and youve no idea how confusing it is all the
things being alive for instance theres the arch Ive got to go through next
walking about at the other end of the ground and I should have croqueted the
Queens hedgehog just now only it ran away when it saw mine coming«
»How do you like the Queen« said the Cat in a low voice
»Not at all« said Alice »shes so extremely « Just then she noticed that
the Queen was close behind her listening so she went on » likely to win that
its hardly worth while finishing the game«
The Queen smiled and passed on
»Who are you talking to« said the King coming up to Alice and looking at
the Cats head with great curiosity
»Its a friend of mine a CheshireCat« said Alice »allow me to introduce
it«
»I dont like the look of it at all« said the King »however it may kiss
my hand if it likes«
»Id rather not« the Cat remarked
»Dont be impertinent« said the King »and dont look at me like that« He
got behind Alice as he spoke
»A cat may look at a king« said Alice »Ive read that in some book but I
dont remember where«
»Well it must be removed« said the King very decidedly and he called to
the Queen who was passing at the moment »My dear I wish you would have this
cat removed«
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties great or small
»Off with his head« she said without even looking around
»Ill fetch the executioner myself« said the King eagerly and he hurried
off
Alice thought she might as well go back and see how the game was going on
as she heard the Queens voice in the distance screaming with passion She had
already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed
their turns and she did not like the look of things at all as the game was in
such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not So she went
off in search of her hedgehog
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog which seemed to
Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other the
only difficulty was that her flamingo was gone across the other side of the
garden where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into
a tree
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back the fight was
over and both the hedgehogs were out of sight »but it doesnt matter much«
thought Alice »as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground« So she
tucked it away under her arm that it might not escape again and went back to
have a little more conversation with her friend
When she got back to the CheshireCat she was surprised to find quite a
large crowd collected round it there was a dispute going on between the
executioner the King and the Queen who were all talking at once while all
the rest were quite silent and looked very uncomfortable
The moment Alice appeared she was appealed to by all three to settle the
question and they repeated their arguments to her though as they all spoke at
once she found it very hard to make out exactly what they said
The executioners argument was that you couldnt cut off a head unless
there was a body to cut it off from that he had never had to do such a thing
before and he wasnt going to begin at his time of life
The Kings argument was that anything that had a head could be beheaded and
that you werent to talk nonsense
The Queens argument was that if something wasnt done about it in less
than no time shed have everybody executed all round It was this last remark
that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious
Alice could think of nothing else to say but »It belongs to the Duchess
youd better ask her about it«
»Shes in prison« the Queen said to the executioner »fetch her here« And
the executioner went off like an arrow
The Cats head began fading away the moment he was gone and by the time he
had come back with the Duchess it had entirely disappeared so the King and the
executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it while the rest of the party
went back to the game
Chapter IX
The Mock Turtles Story
»You cant think how glad I am to see you again you dear old thing« said the
Duchess as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alices and they walked off
together
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper and thought to
herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage when
they met in the kitchen
»When Im a Duchess« she said to herself not in a very hopeful tone
though »I wont have any pepper in my kitchen at all Soup does very well
without Maybe its always pepper that makes people hottempered« she went on
very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule »and vinegar that
makes them sour and camomile that makes them bitter and and barleysugar
and such things that make children sweettempered I only wish people knew that
then they wouldnt be so stingy about it you know «
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time and was a little startled
when she heard her voice close to her ear »Youre thinking about something my
dear and that makes you forget to talk I cant tell you just now what the
moral of that is but I shall remember it in a bit«
»Perhaps it hasnt one« Alice ventured to remark
»Tut tut child« said the Duchess »Everythings got a moral if only you
can find it« And she squeezed herself up closer to Alices side as she spoke
Alice did not much like her keeping so close to her first because the
Duchess was very ugly and secondly because she was exactly the right height to
rest her chin on Alices shoulder and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin
However she did not like to be rude so she bore it as well as she could
»The games going on rather better now« she said by way of keeping up the
conversation a little
»Tis so« said the Duchess »and the moral of that is Oh tis love tis
love that makes the world go round«
»Somebody said« Alice whispered »that its done by everybody minding their
own business«
»Ah well It means much the same thing« said the Duchess digging her sharp
little chin into Alices shoulder as she added »and the moral of that is Take
care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves«
»How fond she is of finding morals in things« Alice thought to herself
»I dare say youre wondering why I dont put my arm round your waist« the
Duchess said after a pause »the reason is that Im doubtful about the temper
of your flamingo Shall I try the experiment«
»He might bite« Alice cautiously replied not feeling at all anxious to
have the experiment tried
»Very true« said the Duchess »flamingoes and mustard both bite And the
moral of that is Birds of a feather flock together«
»Only mustard isnt a bird« Alice remarked
»Right as usual« said the Duchess »what a clear way you have of putting
things«
»Its a mineral I think« said Alice
»Of course it is« said the Duchess who seemed ready to agree to everything
that Alice said »theres a large mustardmine near here And the moral of that
is The more there is of mine the less there is of yours«
»Oh I know« exclaimed Alice who had not attended to this last remark
»Its a vegetable It doesnt look like one but it is«
»I quite agree with you« said the Duchess »and the moral of that is Be
what you would seem to be or if youd like it put more simply Never imagine
yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you
were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have
appeared to them to be otherwise«
»I think I should understand that better« Alice said very politely »if I
had it written down but I cant quite follow it as you say it«
»Thats nothing to what I could say if I chose« the Duchess replied in a
pleased tone
»Pray dont trouble yourself to say it any longer than that« said Alice
»Oh dont talk about trouble« said the Duchess »I make you a present of
everything Ive said as yet«
»A cheap sort of present« thought Alice »Im glad people dont give
birthdaypresents like that« But she did not venture to say it out loud
»Thinking again« the Duchess asked with another dig of her sharp little
chin
»Ive a right to think« said Alice sharply for she was beginning to feel a
little worried
»Just about as much right« said the Duchess »as pigs have to fly and the
m«
But here to Alices great surprise the Duchesss voice died away even in
the middle of her favourite word »moral« and the arm that was linked into hers
began to tremble Alice looked up and there stood the Queen in front of them
with her arms folded frowning like a thunderstorm
»A fine day your Majesty« the Duchess began in a low weak voice
»Now I give you fair warning« shouted the Queen stamping on the ground as
she spoke »either you or your head must be off and that in about half no time
Take your choice«
The Duchess took her choice and was gone in a moment
»Lets go on with the game« the Queen said to Alice and Alice was too much
frightened to say a word but slowly followed her back to the croquetground
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queens absence and were
resting in the shade however the moment they saw her they hurried back to the
game the Queen merely remarking that a moments delay would cost them their
lives
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarreling with the
other players and shouting »Off with his head« or »Off with her head« Those
whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers who of course had to
leave off being arches to do this so that by the end of half an hour or so
there were no arches left and all the players except the King the Queen and
Alice were in custody and under sentence of execution
Then the Queen left off quite out of breath and said to Alice »Have you
seen the Mock Turtle yet«
»No« said Alice »I dont even know what a Mock Turtle is«
»Its the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from« said the Queen
»I never saw one or heard of one« said Alice
»Come on then« said the Queen »and he shall tell you his history«
As they walked off together Alice heard the King say in a low voice to the
company generally »You are all pardoned« »Come thats a good thing« she
said to herself for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the
Queen had ordered
They very soon came upon a Gryphon lying fast asleep in the sun If you
dont know what a Gryphon is look at the picture »Up lazy thing« said the
Queen »and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle and to hear his
history I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered« and she
walked off leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon Alice did not quite like the
look of the creature but on the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to
stay with it as to go after that savage Queen so she waited
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes then it watched the Queen till she
was out of sight then it chuckled »What fun« said the Gryphon half to
itself half to Alice
»What is the fun« said Alice
»Why she« said the Gryphon »Its all her fancy that they never executes
nobody you know Come on«
»Everybody says come on here« thought Alice as she went slowly after it
»I never was so ordered about before in all my life never«
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance
sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock and as they came nearer
Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break She pitied him deeply
»What is his sorrow« she asked the Gryphon And the Gryphon answered very
nearly in the same words as before »Its all his fancy that he hasnt got no
sorrow you know Come on«
So they went up to the Mock Turtle who looked at them with large eyes full
of tears but said nothing
»This here young lady« said the Gryphon »she wants for to know your
history she do«
»Ill tell it her« said the Mock Turtle in a deep hollow tone »Sit down
both of you and dont speak a word till Ive finished«
So they sat down and nobody spoke for some minutes Alice thought to
herself »I dont see how he can ever finish if he doesnt begin« But she
waited patiently
»Once« said the Mock Turtle at last with a deep sigh »I was a real
Turtle«
These words were followed by a very long silence broken only by an
occasional exclamation of »Hjckrrh« from the Gryphon and the constant heavy
sobbing of the Mock Turtle Alice was very nearly getting up and saying »Thank
you Sir for your interesting story« but she could not help thinking there
must be more to come so she sat still and said nothing
»When we were still little« the Mock Turtle went on at last more calmly
though still sobbing a little now and then »we went to school in the sea The
master was an old Turtle we used to call him Tortoise «
»Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasnt one« Alice asked
»We called him Tortoise because he taught us« said the Mock Turtle angrily
»Really you are very dull«
»You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question«
added the Gryphon and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice who
felt ready to sink into the earth At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle
»Drive on old fellow Dont be all day about it« and he went on in these
words
»Yes we went to school in the sea though you maynt believe it «
»I never said I didnt« interrupted Alice
»You did« said the Mock Turtle
»Hold your tongue« added the Gryphon before Alice could speak again The
Mock Turtle went on
»We had the best of educations in fact we went to school every day «
»Ive been to a dayschool too« said Alice »You neednt be so proud as
all that«
»With extras« asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously
»Yes« said Alice »we learned French and music«
»And washing« said the Mock Turtle
»Certainly not« said Alice indignantly
»Ah Then yours wasnt a really good school« said the Mock Turtle in a tone
of great relief »Now at ours they had at the end of the bill French music
and washing extra«
»You couldnt have wanted it much« said Alice »living at the bottom of the
sea«
»I couldnt afford to learn it« said the Mock Turtle with a sigh »I only
took the regular course«
»What was that« inquired Alice
»Reeling and Writhing of course to begin with« the Mock Turtle replied
»and then the different branches of Arithmetic Ambition Distraction
Uglification and Derision«
»I never heard of Uglification« Alice ventured to say »What is it«
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise »Never heard of uglifying«
it exclaimed »You know what to beautify is I suppose«
»Yes« said Alice doubtfully »it means to make anything prettier«
»Well then« the Gryphon went on »if you dont know what to uglify is you
are a simpleton«
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it so she
turned to the Mock Turtle and said »What else had you to learn«
»Well there was Mystery« the Mock Turtle replied counting off the
subjects on his flappers »Mystery ancient and modern with Seaography then
Drawling the Drawlingmaster was an old congereel that used to come once a
week he taught us Drawling Stretching and Fainting in Coils«
»What was that like« said Alice
»Well I cant show it you myself« the Mock Turtle said »Im too stiff
And the Gryphon never learnt it«
»Hadnt time« said the Gryphon »I went to the Classical master though He
was an old crab he was«
»I never went to him« the Mock Turtle said with a sigh »He taught Laughing
and Grief they used to say«
»So he did so he did« said the Gryphon sighing in his turn and both
creatures hid their faces in their paws
»And how many hours a day did you do lessons« said Alice in a hurry to
change the subject
»Ten hours the first day« said the Mock Turtle »nine the next and so on«
»What a curious plan« exclaimed Alice
»Thats the reason theyre called lessons« the Gryphon remarked »because
they lessen from day to day«
This was quite a new idea to Alice and she thought it over a little before
she made her next remark »Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday«
»Of course it was« said the Mock Turtle
»And how did you manage on the twelfth« Alice went on eagerly
»Thats enough about lessons« the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
tone »Tell her something about the games now«
Chapter X
The LobsterQuadrille
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply and drew the back of one flapper across his eyes
He looked at Alice and tried to speak but for a minute or two sobs choked his
voice »Same as if he had a bone in his throat« said the Gryphon and it set to
work shaking him and punching him in the back At last the Mock Turtle recovered
his voice and with tears running down his cheeks he went on again
»You may not have lived much under the sea « »I havent« said Alice
»and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster « Alice began to say
»I once tasted « but checked herself hastily and said »No never« » so you
can have no idea what a delightful thing a LobsterQuadrille is«
»No indeed« said Alice »What sort of a dance is it«
»Why« said the Gryphon »you first form into a line along the seashore «
»Two lines« cried the Mock Turtle »Seals turtles salmon and so on
then when youve cleared all the jellyfish out of the way «
»That generally takes some time« interrupted the Gryphon
» you advance twice «
»Each with a lobster as a partner« cried the Gryphon
»Of course« the Mock Turtle said »advance twice set to partners «
» change lobsters and retire in same order« continued the Gryphon
»Then you know« the Mock Turtle went on »you throw the «
»The lobsters« shouted the Gryphon with a bound into the air
» as far out to sea as you can «
»Swim after them« screamed the Gryphon
»Turn a somersault in the sea« cried the Mock Turtle capering wildly
about
»Change lobsters again« yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice
»Back to land again and thats all the first figure« said the Mock
Turtle suddenly dropping his voice and the two creatures who had been jumping
about like mad things all this time sat down again very sadly and quietly and
looked at Alice
»It must be a very pretty dance« said Alice timidly
»Would you like to see a little of it« said the Mock Turtle
»Very much indeed« said Alice
»Come lets try the first figure« said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon »We
can do it without lobsters you know Which shall sing«
»Oh you sing« said the Gryphon »Ive forgotten the words«
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice every now and then
treading on her toes when they passed too close and waving their forepaws to
mark the time while the Mock Turtle sang this very slowly and sadly
»Will you walk a little faster« said a whiting to a snail
»Theres a porpoise close behind us and hes treading on my tail
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance
They are waiting on the shingle will you come and join the dance
Will you wont you will you wont you will you join the dance
Will you wont you will you wont you wont you join the dance
You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us with the lobsters out to sea«
But the snail replied »Too far too far« and gave a look askance
Said he thanked the whiting kindly but he would not join the dance
Would not could not would not could not could not join the dance
Would not could not would not could not could not join the dance
»What matters it how far we go« his scaly friend replied
»There is another shore you know upon the other side
The further off from England the nearer is to France
Then turn not pale beloved snail but come and join the dance
Will you wont you will you wont you will you join the dance
Will you wont you will you wont you wont you join the dance«
»Thank you its a very interesting dance to watch« said Alice feeling very
glad that it was over at last »and I do so like that curious song about the
whiting«
»Oh as to the whiting« said the Mock Turtle »they youve seen them of
course«
»Yes« said Alice »Ive often seen them at dinn « she checked herself
hastily
»I dont know where Dinn may be« said the Mock Turtle »but if youve seen
them so often of course you know what theyre like«
»I believe so« Alice replied thoughtfully »They have their tails in their
mouths and theyre all over crumbs«
»Youre wrong about the crumbs« said the Mock Turtle »crumbs would all
wash off in the sea But they have their tails in their mouths and the reason
is « here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes »Tell her about the reason
and all that« he said to the Gryphon
»The reason is« said the Gryphon »that they would go with the lobsters to
the dance So they got thrown out to sea So they had to fall a long way So
they got their tails fast in their mouths So they couldnt get them out again
Thats all«
»Thank you« said Alice »its very interesting I never knew so much about
a whiting before«
»I can tell you more than that if you like« said the Gryphon »Do you know
why its called a whiting«
»I never thought about it« said Alice »Why«
»It does the boots and shoes« the Gryphon replied very solemnly
Alice was thoroughly puzzled »Does the boots and shoes« she repeated in a
wondering tone
»Why what are your shoes done with« said the Gryphon »I mean what makes
them so shiny«
Alice looked down at them and considered a little before she gave her
answer »Theyre done with blacking I believe«
»Boots and shoes under the sea« the Gryphon went on in a deep voice »are
done with whiting Now you know«
»And what are they made of« Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity
»Soles and eels of course« the Gryphon replied rather impatiently »any
shrimp could have told you that«
»If Id been the whiting« said Alice whose thoughts were still running on
the song »Id have said to the porpoise Keep back please We dont want you
with us«
»They were obliged to have him with them« the Mock Turtle said »No wise
fish would go anywhere without a porpoise«
»Wouldnt it really« said Alice in a tone of great surprise
»Of course not« said the Mock Turtle »Why if a fish came to me and told
me he was going a journey I should say With what porpoise«
»Dont you mean purpose« said Alice
»I mean what I say« the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone And the
Gryphon added »Come lets hear some of your adventures«
»I could tell you my adventures beginning from this morning« said Alice a
little timidly »but its no use going back to yesterday because I was a
different person then«
»Explain all that« said the Mock Turtle
»No no The adventures first« said the Gryphon in an impatient tone
»explanations take such a dreadful time«
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first saw
the White Rabbit She was a little nervous about it just at first the two
creatures got so close to her one on each side and opened their eyes and
mouths so very wide but she gained courage as she went on Her listeners were
perfectly quiet till she got to the part about her repeating »You are old
Father William« to the Caterpillar and the words all coming different and
then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath and said »Thats very curious«
»Its all about as curious as it can be« said the Gryphon
»It all came different« the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully »I should
like to hear her try and repeat something now Tell her to begin« He looked at
the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice
»Stand up and repeat Tis the voice of the sluggard« said the Gryphon
»How the creatures order one about and make one repeat lessons« thought
Alice »I might just as well be at school at once« However she got up and
began to repeat it but her head was so full of the LobsterQuadrille that she
hardly knew what she was saying and the words came very queer indeed
»Tis the voice of the Lobster I heard him declare
You have baked me too brown I must sugar my hair
As a duck with his eyelids so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons and turns out his toes
When the sands are all dry he is gay as a lark
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark
But when the tide rises and sharks are around
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound«
»Thats different from what I used to say when I was a child« said the Gryphon
»Well I never heard it before« said the Mock Turtle »but it sounds
uncommon nonsense«
Alice said nothing she had sat down with her face in her hands wondering
if anything would ever happen in a natural way again
»I should like to have it explained« said the Mock Turtle
»She cant explain it« said the Gryphon hastily »Go on with the next
verse«
»But about his toes« the Mock Turtle persisted »How could he turn them out
with his nose yon know«
»Its the first position in dancing« Alice said but she was dreadfully
puzzled by the whole thing and longed to change the subject
»Go on with the next verse« the Gryphon repeated »it begins I passed by
his garden«
Alice did not dare to disobey though she felt sure it would all come wrong
and she went on in a trembling voice
»I passed by his garden and marked with one eye
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie
The Panther took piecrust and gravy and meat
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat
When the pie was all finished the Owl as a boon
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl
And concluded the banquet by «
»What is the use of repeating all that stuff« the Mock Turtle interrupted »if
you dont explain it as you go on Its by far the most confusing thing that I
ever heard«
»Yes I think youd better leave off« said the Gryphon and Alice was only
too glad to do so
»Shall we try another figure of the LobsterQuadrille« the Gryphon went on
»Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you another song«
»Oh a song please if the Mock Turtle would be so kind« Alice replied so
eagerly that the Gryphon said in a rather offended tone »Hm No accounting for
tastes Sing her Turtle Soup will you old fellow«
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply and began in a voice choked with sobs to
sing this
»Beautiful Soup so rich and green
Waiting in a hot tureen
Who for such dainties would not stoop
Soup of the evening beautiful Soup
Soup of the evening beautiful Soup
Beauootiful Soooop
Beauootiful Soooop
Soooop of the eeevening
Beautiful beautiful Soup
Beautiful Soup Who cares for fish
Game or any other dish
Who would not give all else for two p
ennyworth only of beautiful Soup
Pennyworth only of beautiful soup
Beauootiful Soooop
Beauootiful Soooop
Soooop of the eeevening
Beautiful beautiFUL SOUP«
»Chorus again« cried the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat
it when a cry of »The trials beginning« was heard in the distance
»Come on« cried the Gryphon and taking Alice by the hand it hurried off
without waiting for the end of the song
»What trial is it« Alice panted as she ran but the Gryphon only answered
»Come on« and ran the faster while more and more faintly came carried on the
breeze that followed them the melancholy words
»Soooop of the eeevening
Beautiful beautiful Soup«
Chapter XI
Who Stole the Tarts
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived with
a great crowd assembled about them all sorts of little birds and beasts as
well as the whole pack of cards the Knave was standing before them in chains
with a soldier on each side to guard him and near the King was the White
Rabbit with a trumpet in one hand and a scroll of parchment in the other In
the very middle of the court was a table with a large dish of tarts upon it
they looked so good that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them »I wish
theyd get the trial done« she thought »and hand round the refreshments« But
there seemed to be no chance of this so she began looking at everything about
her to pass away the time
Alice had never been in a court of justice before but she had read about
them in books and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of
nearly everything there »Thats the judge« she said to herself »because of
his great wig«
The judge by the way was the King and as he wore his crown over the wig
look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it he did not look at
all comfortable and it was certainly not becoming
»And thats the jurybox« thought Alice »and those twelve creatures« she
was obliged to say »creatures« you see because some of them were animals and
some were birds »I suppose they are the jurors« She said this last word two
or three times over to herself being rather proud of it for she thought and
rightly too that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at
all However »jurymen« would have done just as well
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates »What are they
doing« Alice whispered to the Gryphon »They cant have anything to put down
yet before the trials begun«
»Theyre putting down their names« the Gryphon whispered in reply »for
fear they should forget them before the end of the trial«
»Stupid things« Alice began in a loud indignant voice but she stopped
herself hastily for the White Rabbit cried out »Silence in the court« and the
King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round to make out who was
talking
Alice could see as well as if she were looking over their shoulders that
all the jurors were writing down »Stupid things« on their slates and she could
even make out that one of them didnt know how to spell »stupid« and that he
had to ask his neighbour to tell him »A nice muddle their slatesll be in
before the trials over« thought Alice
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked This of course Alice could
not stand and she went round the court and got behind him and very soon found
an opportunity of taking it away She did it so quickly that the poor little
juror it was Bill the Lizard could not make out at all what had become of it
so after hunting all about for it he was obliged to write with one finger for
the rest of the day and this was of very little use as it left no mark on the
slate
»Herald read the accusation« said the King
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet and then unrolled
the parchmentscroll and read as follows
»The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts
All on a summer day
The Knave of Hearts he stole those tarts
And took them quite away«
»Consider your verdict« the King said to the jury
»Not yet not yet« the Rabbit hastily interrupted »Theres a great deal to
come before that«
»Call the first witness« said the King and the White Rabbit blew three
blasts on the trumpet and called out »First witness«
The first witness was the Hatter He came in with a teacup in one hand and a
piece of breadandbutter in the other »I beg pardon your Majesty« he began
»for bringing these in but I hadnt quite finished my tea when I was sent for«
»You ought to have finished« said the King »When did you begin«
The Hatter looked at the March Hare who had followed him into the court
arminarm with the Dormouse »Fourteenth of March I think it was« he said
»Fifteenth« said the March Hare
»Sixteenth« said the Dormouse
»Write that down« the King said to the jury and the jury eagerly wrote
down all three dates on their slates and then added them up and reduced the
answer to shillings and pence
»Take off your hat« the King said to the Hatter
»It isnt mine« said the Hatter
»Stolen« the King exclaimed turning to the jury who instantly made a
memorandum of the fact
»I keep them to sell« the Hatter added as an explanation »Ive none of my
own Im a hatter«
Here the Queen put on her spectacles and began staring hard at the Hatter
who turned pale and fidgeted
»Give your evidence« said the King »and dont be nervous or Ill have you
executed on the spot«
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all he kept shifting from one
foot to the other looking uneasily at the Queen and in his confusion he bit a
large piece out of his teacup instead of the breadandbutter
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation which puzzled her a
good deal until she made out what it was she was beginning to grow larger
again and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court but on
second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room
for her
»I wish you wouldnt squeeze so« said the Dormouse who was sitting next to
her »I can hardly breathe«
»I cant help it« said Alice very meekly »Im growing«
»Youve no right to grow here« said the Dormouse
»Dont talk nonsense« said Alice more boldly »you know youre growing
too«
»Yes but I grow at a reasonable pace« said the Dormouse »not in that
ridiculous fashion« And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other
side of the court
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter and just
as the Dormouse crossed the court she said to one of the officers of the
court »Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert« on which the
wretched Hatter trembled so that he shook off both his shoes
»Give your evidence« the King repeated angrily »or Ill have you executed
whether you are nervous or not«
»Im a poor man your Majesty« the Hatter began in a trembling voice »and
I hadnt begun my tea not above a week or so and what with the
breadandbutter getting so thin and the twinkling of the tea «
»The twinkling of what« said the King
»It began with the tea« the Hatter replied
»Of course twinkling begins with a T« said the King sharply »Do you take
me for a dunce Go on«
»Im a poor man« the Hatter went on »and most things twinkled after that
only the March Hare said «
»I didnt« the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry
»You did« said the Hatter
»I deny it« said the March Hare
»He denies it« said the King »leave out that part«
»Well at any rate the Dormouse said « the Hatter went on looking
anxiously around to see if he would deny it too but the Dormouse denied
nothing being fast asleep
»After that« continued the Hatter »I cut some more breadandbutter «
»But what did the Dormouse say« one of the jury asked
»That I cant remember« said the Hatter
»You must remember« remarked the King »or Ill have you executed«
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and breadandbutter and went down
on one knee »Im a poor man your Majesty« he began
»Youre a very poor speaker« said the King
Here one of the guineapigs cheered and was immediately suppressed by the
officers of the court As that is rather a hard word I will just explain to
you how it was done They had a large canvas bag which tied up at the mouth
with strings into this they slipped the guineapig head first and then sat
upon it
»Im glad Ive seen that done« thought Alice »Ive so often read in the
newspapers at the end of trials There was some attempt at applause which was
immediately suppressed by the officers of the court and I never understood what
it meant till now«
»If thats all you know about it you may stand down« continued the King
»I cant go no lower« said the Hatter »Im on the floor as it is«
»Then you may sit down« the King replied
Here the other guineapig cheered and was suppressed
»Come that finishes the guineapigs« thought Alice »Now we shall get on
better«
»Id rather finish my tea« said the Hatter with an anxious look at the
Queen who was reading the list of singers
»You may go« said the King and the Hatter hurriedly left the court
without even waiting to put his shoes on
» and just take his head off outside« the Queen added to one of the
officers but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the
door
»Call the next witness« said the King
The next witness was the Duchesss cook She carried the pepperbox in her
hand and Alice guessed who it was even before she got into the court by the
way the people near the door began sneezing all at once
»Give your evidence« said the King
»Shant« said the cook
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit who said in a low voice
»Your Majesty must crossexamine this witness«
»Well if I must I must« the King said with a melancholy air and after
folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of
sight he said in a deep voice »What are tarts made of«
»Pepper mostly« said the cook
»Treacle« said a sleepy voice behind her
»Collar that Dormouse« the Queen shrieked out »Behead that Dormouse Turn
that Dormouse out of court Suppress him Pinch him Off with his whiskers«
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion getting the Dormouse
turned out and by the time they had settled down again the cook had
disappeared
»Never mind« said the King with an air of great relief »Call the next
witness« And he added in an undertone to the Queen »Really my dear you
must crossexamine the next witness It quite makes my forehead ache«
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list feeling very
curious to see what the next witness would be like » for they havent got much
evidence yet« she said to herself Imagine her surprise when the White Rabbit
read out at the top of his shrill little voice the name »Alice«
Chapter XII
Alices Evidence
»Here« cried Alice quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large she
had grown in the last few minutes and she jumped up in such a hurry that she
tipped over the jurybox with the edge of her skirt upsetting all the jurymen
on to the heads of the crowd below and there they lay sprawling about
reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset the
week before
»Oh I beg your pardon« she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay and began
picking them up again as quickly as she could for the accident of the goldfish
kept running in her head and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be
collected at once and put back into the jurybox or they would die
»The trial cannot proceed« said the King in a very grave voice »until all
the jurymen are back in their proper places all« he repeated with great
emphasis looking hard at Alice as he said so
Alice looked at the jurybox and saw that in her haste she had put the
Lizard in head downwards and the poor little thing was waving its tail about in
a melancholy way being quite unable to move She soon got it out again and put
it right »not that it signifies much« she said to herself »I should think it
would be quite as much use in the trial one way up as the other«
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being upset
and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to them they set to
work very diligently to write out a history of the accident all except the
Lizard who seemed too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open
gazing up into the roof of the court
»What do you know about this business« the King said to Alice
»Nothing« said Alice
»Nothing whatever« persisted the King
»Nothing whatever« said Alice
»Thats very important« the King said turning to the jury They were just
beginning to write this down on their slates when the White Rabbit interrupted
»Unimportant your Majesty means of course« he said in a very respectful
tone but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke
»Unimportant of course I meant« the King hastily said and went on to
himself in an undertone »important unimportant unimportant important «
as if he were trying which word sounded best
Some of the jury wrote it down »important« and some »unimportant« Alice
could see this as she was near enough to look over their slates »but it
doesnt matter a bit« she thought to herself
At this moment the King who had been for some time busily writing in his
notebook called out »Silence« and read out from his book »Rule Fortytwo
All persons more than a mile high to leave the court«
Everybody looked at Alice
»Im not a mile high« said Alice
»You are« said the King
»Nearly two miles high« added the Queen
»Well I shant go at any rate« said Alice »besides thats not a
regular rule you invented it just now«
»Its the oldest rule in the book« said the King
»Then it ought to be Number One« said Alice
The King turned pale and shut his notebook hastily »Consider your
verdict« he said to the jury in a low trembling voice
»Theres more evidence to come yet please your Majesty« said the White
Rabbit jumping up in a great hurry »this paper has just been picked up«
»Whats in it« said the Queen
»I havent opened it yet« said the White Rabbit »but it seems to be a
letter written by the prisoner to to somebody«
»It must have been that« said the King »unless it was written to nobody
which isnt usual you know«
»Who is it directed to« said one of the jurymen
»It isnt directed at all« said the White Rabbit »in fact theres nothing
written on the outside« He unfolded the paper as he spoke and added »It isnt
a letter after all its a set of verses«
»Are they in the prisoners handwriting« asked another of the jurymen
»No theyre not« said the White Rabbit »and thats the queerest thing
about it« The jury all looked puzzled
»He must have imitated somebody elses hand« said the King The jury all
brightened up again
»Please your Majesty« said the Knave »I didnt write it and they cant
prove that I did theres no name signed at the end«
»If you didnt sign it« said the King »that only makes the matter worse
You must have meant some mischief or else youd have signed your name like an
honest man«
There was a general clapping of hands at this it was the first really
clever thing the King had said that day
»That proves his guilt of course« said the Queen »so off with «
»It doesnt prove anything of the sort« said Alice »Why you dont even
know what theyre about«
»Read them« said the King
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles »Where shall I begin please your
Majesty« he asked
»Begin at the beginning« the King said very gravely »and go on till you
come to the end then stop«
There was dead silence in the court whilst the White Rabbit read out these
verses
»They told me you had been to her
And mentioned me to him
She gave me a good character
But said I could not swim
He sent them word I had not gone
We know it to be true
If she should push the matter on
What would become of you
I gave her one they gave him two
You gave us three or more
They all returned from him to you
Though they were mine before
If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair
He trusts to you to set them free
Exactly as we were
My notion was that you had been
Before she had this fit
An obstacle that came between
Him and ourselves and it
Dont let him know she liked them best
For this must ever be
A secret kept from all the rest
Between yourself and me«
»Thats the most important piece of evidence weve heard yet« said the King
rubbing his hands »so now let the jury «
»If any one of them can explain it« said Alice she had grown so large in
the last few minutes that she wasnt a bit afraid of interrupting him »Ill
give him sixpence I dont believe theres an atom of meaning in it«
The jury all wrote down on their slates »She doesnt believe theres an
atom of meaning in it« but none of them attempted to explain the paper
»If theres no meaning in it« said the King »that saves a world of
trouble you know as we neednt try to find any And yet I dont know« he went
on spreading out the verses on his knee and looking at them with one eye »I
seem to see some meaning in them after all said I could not swim you
cant swim can you« he added turning to the Knave
The Knave shook his head sadly »Do I look like it« he said Which he
certainly did not being made entirely of cardboard
»All right so far« said the King and he went on muttering over the verses
to himself »We know it to be true thats the jury of course If she should
push the matter on that must be the Queen What would become of you What
indeed I gave her one they gave him two why that must be what he did with
the tarts you know «
»But it goes on they all returned from him to you« said Alice
»Why there they are« said the King triumphantly pointing to the tarts on
the table »Nothing can be clearer than that Then again before she had this
fit you never had fits my dear I think« he said to the Queen
»Never« said the Queen furiously throwing an inkstand at the Lizard as
she spoke The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his slate with
one finger as he found it made no mark but he now hastily began again using
the ink that was trickling down his face as long as it lasted
»Then the words dont fit you« said the King looking round the court with a
smile There was a dead silence
»Its a pun« the King added in an angry tone and everybody laughed »Let
the jury consider their verdict« the King said for about the twentieth time
that day
»No no« said the Queen »Sentence first verdict afterwards«
»Stuff and nonsense« said Alice loudly »The idea of having the sentence
first«
»Hold your tongue« said the Queen turning purple
»I wont« said Alice
»Off with her head« the Queen shouted at the top of her voice Nobody
moved
»Who cares for you« said Alice she had grown to her full size by this
time »Youre nothing but a pack of cards«
At this the whole pack rose up into the air and came flying down upon her
she gave a little scream half of fright and half of anger and tried to beat
them off and found herself lying on the bank with her head in the lap of her
sister who was gently brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down
from the trees upon her face
»Wake up Alice dear« said her sister »Why what a long sleep youve had«
»Oh Ive had such a curious dream« said Alice And she told her sister as
well as she could remember them all these strange Adventures of hers that you
have just been reading about when she had finished her sister kissed her and
said »It was a curious dream dear certainly but now run in to your tea its
getting late« So Alice got up and ran off thinking while she ran as well she
might what a wonderful dream it had been
But her sister sat still just as she left her leaning her head on her hand
watching the setting sun and thinking of little Alice and all her wonderful
Adventures till she too began dreaming after a fashion and this was her dream
First she dreamed about little Alice herself once again the tiny hands
were clasped upon her knee and the bright eager eyes were looking up into hers
she could hear the very tones of her voice and see that queer little toss of
her head to keep back the wandering hair that would always get into her eyes
and still as she listened or seemed to listen the whole place around her
became alive with the strange creatures of her little sisters dream
The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by the
frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool she could hear
the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their
neverending meal and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her
unfortunate guests to execution once more the pigbaby was sneezing on the
Duchesss knee while plates and dishes crashed around it once more the shriek
of the Gryphon the squeaking of the Lizards slatepencil and the choking of
the suppressed guineapigs filled the air mixed up with the distant sob of the
miserable Mock Turtle
So she sat on with closed eyes and half believed herself in Wonderland
though she knew she had but to open them again and all would change to dull
reality the grass would be only rustling in the wind and the pool rippling to
the waving of the reeds the rattling teacups would change to tinkling
sheepbells and the Queens shrill cries to the voice of the shepherdboy and
the sneeze of the baby the shriek of the Gryphon and all the other queer
noises would change she knew to the confused clamour of the busy farmyard
while the lowing of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock
Turtles heavy sobs
Lastly she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would
in the aftertime be herself a grown woman and how she would keep through all
her riper years the simple and loving heart of her childhood and how she would
gather about her other little children and make their eyes bright and eager
with many a strange tale perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago
and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows and find a pleasure in all
their simple joys remembering her own childlife and the happy summer days