CHAPTER I Brian Falls in Love
Still humanity grows dearer
Being learned the more Jean Ingelow
There are three things in this world which deserve no
quarter—Hypocrisy Pharisaism and Tyranny F Robertson
People who have been brought up in the country or in small places where every neighbor is known by sight are apt to think that life in a large town must lack many of the interests which they have learned to find in their more limited communities In a somewhat bewildered way they gaze at the shifting crowd of strange faces and wonder whether it would be possible to feel completely at home where all the surroundings of life seem ever changing and unfamiliar
But those who have lived long in one quarter of London or of any other large town know that there are in reality almost as many links between the actors of the town lifedrama as between those of the country lifedrama
Silent recognitions pass between passengers who meet day after day in the same morning or evening train on the way to or from work the faces of omnibus conductors grow familiar we learn to know perfectly well on what day of the week and at what hour the wellknown organgrinder will make his appearance and in what street we shall meet the city clerk or the careworn little daily governess on their way to office or school It so happened that Brian Osmond a young doctor who had not been very long settled in the Bloomsbury regions had an engagement which took him every afternoon down Gower Street and here many faces had grown familiar to him He invariably met the same sallowfaced postman the same nasalvoiced milkman the same pompouslooking man with the bushy whiskers and the shiny black bag on his way home from the city But the only passenger in whom he took any interest was a certain brightfaced little girl whom he generally met just before the Montague Place crossing He always called her his little girl though she was by no means little in the ordinary acceptation of the word being at least sixteen and rather tall for her years But there was a sort of freshness and naivete and youthfulness about her which made him use that adjective She usually carried a pile of books in a strap so he conjectured that she must be coming from school and ever since he had first seen her she had worn the same rough blue serge dress and the same quaint little fur hat In other details however he could never tell in the least how he should find her She seemed to have a mood for every day Sometimes she would be in a great hurry and would almost run past him sometimes she would saunter along in the most unconventional way glancing from time to time at a book or a paper sometimes her eager face would look absolutely bewitching in its brightness sometimes scarcely less bewitching in a consuming anxiety which seemed unnatural in one so young
One rainy afternoon in November Brian was as usual making his way down Gower Street his umbrella held low to shelter him from the driving rain which seemed to come in all directions The milkmans shrill voice was still far in the distance the man of letters was still at work upon knockers some way off it was not yet time for his little girl to make her appearance and he was not even thinking of her when suddenly his umbrella was nearly knocked out of his hand by coming violently into collision with another umbrella Brought thus to a sudden stand he looked to see who it was who had charged him with such violence and found himself face to face with his unknown friend He had never been quite so close to her before Her quaint face had always fascinated him but on nearer view he thought it the loveliest face he had ever seen—it took his heart by storm
It was framed in soft silky masses of dusky auburn hair which hung over the broad white forehead but at the back was scarcely longer than a boys The features though not regular were delicate and piquant the usual faint roseflush on the cheeks deepened now to carnation perhaps because of the slight contretemps perhaps because of some deeper emotion—Brian fancied the latter for the clear goldenbrown eyes that were lifted to his seemed bright either with indignation or with unshed tears Today it was clear that the mood was not a happy one
I am very sorry she said looking up at him and speaking in a low musical voice but with the unembarrassed frankness of a child I really wasnt thinking or looking it was very careless of me
Brian of course took all the blame to himself and apologized profusely but though he would have given much to detain her if only a moment she gave him no opportunity but with a slight inclination passed rapidly on He stood quite still watching her till she was out of sight aware of a sudden change in his life He was a busy hardworking man not at all given to dreams and it was no dream that he was in now He knew perfectly well that he had met his ideal had spoken to her and she to him that somehow in a single moment a new world had opened out to him He had fallen in love
The trifling occurrence had made no great impression on the little girl herself She was rather vexed with herself for the carelessness but a much deeper trouble was filling her heart She soon forgot the passing interruption and the brownbearded man with the pleasant gray eyes who had apologized for what was quite her fault Something had gone wrong that day as Brian had surmised the eyes grew brighter the carnation flush deepened as she hurried along the delicate lips closed with a curiously hard expression the hands were clasped with unnecessary tightness round the umbrella
She passed up Guilford Square but did not turn into any of the old decayed houses her home was far less imposing At the corner of the square there is a narrow opening which leads into a sort of blind alley paved with grim flagstones Here facing a high blank wall are four or five very dreary houses She entered one of these put down her wet umbrella in the shabby little hall and opened the door of a barely furnished room the walls of which were however lined with books Beside the fire was the one really comfortable piece of furniture in the room an Ikeley couch and upon it lay a very wanlooking invalid who glanced up with a smile of welcome Why Erica you are home early today How is that
Oh I dont know said Erica tossing down her books in a way which showed her mother that she was troubled about something I suppose I tore along at a good rate and there was no temptation to stay at the High School
Come and tell me about it said the mother gently what has gone wrong little one
Everything exclaimed Erica vehemently Everything always does go wrong with us and always will I suppose I wish you had never sent me to school mother I wish I need never see the place again
But till today you enjoyed it so much
Yes the classes and the being with Gertrude But that will never be the same again Its just this mother Im never to speak to Gertrude again—to have noting more to do with her
Who said so And Why
Why Because Im myself said Erica with a bitter little laugh How I can help it nobody seems to think But Gertrudes father has come back from Africa and was horrified to learn that we were friends made her promise never to speak to me again and made her write this note about it Look and she took a crumpled envelope from her pocket
The mother read the note in silence and an expression of pain came over her face Erica who was very impetuous snatched it away from her when she saw that look of sadness
Dont read the horrid thing she exclaimed crushing it up in her hand There we will burn it and she threw it into the fire with a vehemence which somehow relieved her
You shouldnt have done that said her mother Your father will be sure to want to see it
No no no cried Erica passionately He must not know you must not tell him mother
Dear child have you not learned that it is impossible to keep anything from him He will find out directly that something is wrong
It will grieve him so he must not hear it said Erica He cares so much for what hurts us Oh Why are people so hard and cruel Why do they treat us like lepers It isnt all because of losing Gertrude I could bear that if there were some real reason—if she went away or died But theres no reason Its all prejudice and bigotry and injustice its that which makes it sting so
Erica was not at all given to tears but there was now a sort of choking in her throat and a sort of dimness in her eyes which made her rather hurriedly settle down on the floor in her own particular nook beside her mothers couch where her face could not be seen There was a silence Presently the mother spoke stroking back the wavy auburn hair with her thin white hand
For a long time I have dreaded this for you Erica I was afraid you didnt realize the sort of position the world will give you Till lately you have seen scarcely any but our own people but it can hardly be darling that you can go on much longer without coming into contact with others and then more and more you must realize that you are cut off from much that other girls may enjoy
Why questioned Erica Why cant they be friendly Why must they cut us off from everything
It does seem unjust but you must remember that we belong to an unpopular minority
But if I belonged to the larger party I would at least be just to the smaller said Erica How can they expect us to think their system beautiful when the very first thing they show us is hatred and meanness Oh If I belonged to the other side I would show them how different it might be
I believe you would said the mother smiling a little at the idea and at the vehemence of the speaker But as it is Erica I am afraid you must school yourself to endure After all I fancy you will be glad to share so soon in your fathers vexations
Yes said Erica pushing back the hair from her forehead and giving herself a kind of mental shaking I am glad of that After all they cant spoil the best part of our lives I shall go into the garden to get rid of my bad temper it doesnt rain now
She struggled to her feet picked up the little fur hat which had fallen off kissed her mother and went out of the room
The garden was Ericas favorite resort her own particular property It was about fifteen feet square and no one but a Londoner would have bestowed on it so dignified a name But Erica who was of an inventive turn had contrived to make the most of the little patch of ground had induced ivy to grow on the ugly brick walls and with infinite care and satisfaction had nursed a few flowers and shrubs into tolerably healthy though smutty life In one of the corners Tom Craigie her favorite cousin had put up a rough wooden bench for her and here she read and dreamed as contentedly as if her garden ground had been fairyland Here too she invariably came when anything had gone wrong when the endless troubles about money which had weighed upon her all her life became a little less bearable than usual or when some act of discourtesy or harshness to her father had roused in her a tingling burning sense of indignation
Erica was not one of those people who take life easily things went very deeply with her In spite of her brightness and vivacity in spite of her readiness to see the ludicrous in everything and her singularly quick perceptions she was also very keenly alive to other and graver impressions
Her anger had passed but still as she paced round and round her small domain her heart was very heavy Life seemed perplexing to her but her mother had somehow struck the right keynote when she had spoken of the vexations which might be shared There was something inspiriting in that thought certainly for Erica worshipped her father By degrees the trouble and indignation died away and a very sweet look stole over the grave little face
A smutty sparrow came and peered down at her from the ivycolored wall and chirped and twittered in quite a friendly way perhaps recognizing the scatter of its daily bread
After all though Erica with ourselves and the animals we might let the rest of the world treat us as they please I am glad they cant turn the animals and birds against us That would be worse than anything
Then suddenly turning from the abstract to the practical she took out of her pocket a shabby little sealskin purse
Still sixpence of my prize money over she remarked to herself Ill go and buy some scones for tea Father likes them
Ericas father was a Scotchman and though socalled scones were to be had at most shops there was only one place where she could buy scones which she considered worthy the name and that was at the Scotch bakers in Southampton Row She hurried along the wet pavements glad that the rain was over for as soon as her purchase was completed she made up her mind to indulge for a few minutes in what had lately become a very frequent treat namely a pause before a certain tempting store of secondhand books She had never had money enough to buy anything except the necessary school books and being a great lover of poetry she always seized with avidity on anything that was to be found outside the book shop Sometimes she would carry away a verse of Swinburne which would ring in her ears for days and days sometimes she would read as much as two or three pages of Shelley No one had every interrupted her and a certain sense of impropriety and daring was rather stimulating than otherwise It always brought to her mind a saying in the proverbs of Solomon Stolen waters are sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant
For three successive days she had found to her great delight Longfellows Hiawatha The strange meter the musical Indian names the delightfully described animals all served to make the poem wonderfully fascinating to her She thought a page or two of Hiawatha would greatly sweeten her somewhat bitter world this afternoon and with her bag of scones in one hand and the book in the other she read on happily quite unconscious that three pair of eyes were watching her from within the shop
The wrinkled old man who was the presiding genius of the place had two customers a tall graybearded clergyman with bright kindly eyes and his son the same Brian Osmond whom Erica had charged with her umbrella in Gower Street
An outside customer for you remarked Charles Osmond the clergyman glancing at the shop keeper Then to his son What a picture she makes
Brian looked up hastily from some medical books which he had been turning over
Why thats my little Gower Street friend he exclaimed the words being somehow surprised out of him though he would fain have recalled them the next minute
I dont interrupt her said the shop owner Her father has done a great deal of business with me and the little lady has a fancy for poetry and dont get much of it in her life Ill be bound
Why who is she asked Charles Osmond who was on very friendly terms with the old book collector
Shes the daughter of Luke Raeburn was the reply and whatever folks may say I know that Mr Raeburn leads a hard enough life
Brian turned away from the speakers a sickening sense of dismay at his heart His ideal was the daughter of Luke Raeburn And Luke Raeburn was an atheist leader
For a few minutes he lost consciousness of time and place though always seeing in a sort of dark mist Ericas lovely face bending over her book The shop keepers casual remark had been a fearful blow to him yet as he came to himself again his heart went out more and more to the beautiful girl who had been brought up in what seemed to him so barren a creed His dream of love which had been bright enough only an hour before was suddenly shadowed by an unthought of pain but presently began to shine with a new and altogether different luster He began to hear again what was passing between his father and the shop keeper
Theres a sight more good in him than folks think However wrong his views he believes them right and is ready to suffer for em too Bless me thats odd to be sure There is Mr Raeburn on the other side of the Row Finelooking man isnt he
Brian looking up eagerly fancied he must be mistaken for the only passenger in sight was a very tall man of remarkably benign aspect middleaged yet venerable—or perhaps better described by the word devotionallooking pervaded too by a certain majesty of calmness which seemed scarcely suited to his character of public agitator The cleanshaven and somewhat rugged face was unmistakably that of a Scotchman the thick waves of tawny hair overshadowing the wide brow and the clear goldenbrown eyes showed Brian at once that this could be no other than the father of his ideal
In the meantime Raeburn having caught sight of his daughter slowly crossed the road and coming noiselessly up to her suddenly took hold of the book she was reading and with laughter in his eyes said in a peremptory voice
Five shillings to pay if you please miss
Erica who had been absorbed in the poem looked up in dismay then seeing who had spoken she began to laugh
What a horrible fright you gave me father But do look at this its the loveliest thing in the world Ive just got to the very strong man Kwasind I think hes a little like you
Raeburn though no very great lover of poetry took the book and read a few lines
Long they lived in peace together Spake with naked hearts together Pondering much and much contriving How the tribes of men might prosper
Good That will do very well for you and me little one Im ready to be your Kwasind Whats the price of the thing Four and sixpence Too much for a luxury It must wait till our ship comes in
He put down the book and they moved on together but had not gone many paces before they were stopped by a most miserablelooking beggar child Brian standing now outside the shop saw and heard all that passed
Raeburn was evidently investigating the case Erica a little impatient of the interruption was remonstrating
I thought you never gave to beggars and I am sure that harrowing story is made up
Very likely replied the father but the hunger is real and I know well enough what hunger is What have you here he added indicating the paper bag which Erica held
Scones she said unwillingly
That will do he said taking them from her and giving them to the child He is too young to be anything but the victim of anothers laziness There Sit down and eat them while you can
The child sat down on the doorstep with the bag of scones clasped in both hands but he continued to gaze after his benefactor till he had passed out of sight and there was a strange look of surprise and gratification in his eyes That was a man who knew Many people had after hard begging thrown him pence many had warned him off harshly but this man had looked straight into his eyes and had at once stopped and questioned him had singled out the one true statement from a mass of lies and had given him—not a stale loaf with the top cut off a suspicious sort of charity which always angered the waif—but his own food bought for his own consumption Most wonderful of all too this man knew what it was to be hungry and had even the insight and shrewdness to be aware that the waifs best chance of eating the scones at all was to eat them then and there For the first time a feeling of reverence and admiration was kindled in the childs heart he would have done a great deal for his unknown friend
Raeburn and Erica had meanwhile walked on in the direction of Guilford Square
I had bought them for you said Erica reproachfully
And I ruthlessly gave them away said Raeburn smiling That was hard lines I though they were only household stock But after all it comes to the same thing in the end or better You have given them to me by giving them to the child Never mind Little son Eric
This was his pet name for her and it meant a great deal to them She was his only child and it had at first been a great disappointment to every one that she was not a boy But Raeburn had long ago ceased to regret this and the nickname referred more to Ericas capability of being both son and daughter to him able to help him in his work and at the same time to brighten his home Erica was very proud of her name for she had been called after her fathers greatest friend Eric Haeberlein a celebrated republican who once during a long exile had taken refuge in London His views were in some respects more extreme than Raeburns but in private life he was the gentlest and most fascinating of men and had quite won the heart of his little namesake
As Mrs Raeburn had surmised Ericas father had at once seen that something had gone wrong that day The allobserving eyes which had noticed the hungry look in the beggar childs face noticed at once that his own child had been troubled
Something has vexed you he said What is the matter Erica
I had rather not tell you father it isnt anything much said Erica casting down her eyes as if all at once the paving stones had become absorbingly interesting
I fancy I know already said Raeburn It is about your friend at the High School is it not I thought so This afternoon I had a letter from her father
What does he say May I see it asked Erica
I tore it up said Raeburn I thought you would ask to see it and the thing was really so abominably insolent that I didnt want you to How did you hear about it
Gertrude wrote me a note said Erica
At her fathers dictation no doubt said Raeburn I should know his style directly let me see it
I thought it was a pity to vex you so I burned it said Erica
Then unable to help being amused at their efforts to save each other they both laughed though the subject was rather a sore one
It is the old story said Raeburn Life only as Pope Innocent III benevolently remarked is to be left to the children of misbelievers and that only as an act of mercy You must make up your mind to bear the social stigma child Do you see the moral of this
No said Erica with something between a smile and a sigh
The moral of it is that you must be content with your own people said Raeburn There is this one good point about persecution—it does draw us all nearer together really strengthens us in a hundred ways So little one you must forswear school friends and be content with your very strong man Kwasind and we will
Live in peace together Speak with naked hearts together
By the bye it is rather doubtful if Tom will be able to come to the lecture tonight do you think you can take notes for me instead
This was in reality the most delicate piece of tact and consideration for it was of course Ericas delight and pride to help her father
CHAPTER II From Effect to Cause
Only the acrid spirit of the times Corroded this true
steel Longfellow
Not Thine the bigots partial plea
Not Thine the zealots ban
Thou well canst spare a love of Thee
Which ends in hate of man
Whittier
Luke Raeburn was the son of a Scotch clergyman of the Episcopal Church His history though familiar to his own followers and to them more powerfully convincing than many arguments against modern Christianity was not generally known The orthodox were apt to content themselves with shuddering at the mention of his name very few troubled themselves to think or inquire how this man had been driven into atheism Had they done so they might perhaps have treated him more considerately at any rate they must have learned that the muchdisliked prophet of atheism was the most disinterested of men one who had the courage of his opinions a man of fearless honesty
Raeburn had lost his mother very early his father a welltodo man had held for many years a small living in the west of Scotland He was rather a clever man but onesided and bigoted coldhearted too and caring very little for his children Of Luke however he was in his peculiar fashion very proud for at an early age the boy showed signs of genius The father was no great worker though shrewd and clever he had no ambition and was quietly content to live out his life in the retired little parsonage where with no parish to trouble him and a small and unexacting congregation on Sundays he could do pretty much as he pleased But for his son he was ambitious Ever since his sixteenth year—when at a public meeting the boy had to the astonishment of every one suddenly sprung to his feet and contradicted a false statement made by a great landowner as to the condition of the cottages on his estate—the father had foreseen future triumphs for his son For the speech though unpremeditated was marvelously clever and there was a power in it not to be accounted for by a certain ring of indignation it was the speech of a future orator
Then too Luke had by this time shown signs of religious zeal a zeal which his father though far from attempting to copy could not but admire His Sunday services over he relapsed into the comfortable easygoing life of a country gentleman for the rest of the week but his son was indefatigable and though little more than a boy himself gathered round him the roughest lads of the village and by his eloquence and a certain peculiar personal fascination which he retained all his life absolutely forced them to listen to him The father augured great things for him and invariably prophesied that he would live to see him a bishop yet
It was a settled thing that he should take Holy Orders and for some time Raeburn was only too happy to carry out his fathers plans In his very first term at Cambridge however he began to feel doubts and becoming convinced that he could never again accept the doctrines in which he had been educated he told his father that he must give up all thought of taking Orders
Now unfortunately Mr Raeburn was the very last man to understand or sympathize with any phase of life through which he had not himself passed He had never been troubled with religious doubts skepticism seemed to him monstrous and unnatural He met the confession which his son had made in pain and diffidence with a most deplorable want of tact In answer to the perplexing questions which were put to him he merely replied testily that Luke had been overworking himself and that he had no business to trouble his head with matters which were beyond him and would fain have dismissed the whole affair at once
But urged the son how is it possible for me to turn my back on these matters when I am preparing to teach them
Nonsense replied the father angrily Have not I taught all my life preached twice a Sunday these thirty years without perplexing myself with your questionings Be off to your shooting and your golf and let me have no more of this morbid fuss
No more was said but Luke Raeburn with his doubts and questions shut thus into himself drifted rapidly from skepticism to the most positive form of unbelief When he next came home for the long vacation his father was at length awakened to the fact that the son upon whom all his ambition was set was hopelessly lost to the Church and with this consciousness a most bitter sense of disappointment rose in his heart His pride the only side of fatherhood which he possessed was deeply wounded and his dreams of honorable distinction were laid low His wrath was great Luke found the home made almost unbearable to him His college career was of course at an end for his father would not hear of providing him with the necessary funds now that he had actually confessed his atheism He was hardly allowed to speak to his sisters every request for money to start him in some profession met with a sharp refusal and matters were becoming so desperate that he would probably have left the place of his own accord before long had not Mr Raeburn himself put an end to a state of things which had grown insufferable
With some lurking hope perhaps of convincing his son he resolved upon trying a course of argument To do him justice he really tried to prepare himself for it dragged down volumes of dusty divines and got up with much pains Paleys watch argument There was some honesty even perhaps a very little love in his mistaken endeavors but he did not recognize that while he himself was unforgiving unloving harsh and selfindulgent all his arguments for Christianity were of necessity null and void He argued for the existence of a perfectly loving good God all the while treating his son with injustice and tyranny Of course there could be only one result from a debate between the two Luke Raeburn with his honesty his great abilities his gift of reasoning above all his thorough earnestness had the best of it
To be beaten in argument was naturally the one thing which such a man as Mr Raeburn could not forgive He might in time have learned to tolerate a difference of opinion he would beyond a doubt have forgiven almost any of the failings that he could understand would have paid his sons college debts without a murmur would have overlooked anything connected with what he considered the necessary process of sowing his wild oats But that the fellow should presume to think out the greatest problems in the world should set up his judgment against Paleys and worst of all should actually and palpably beat HIM in argument—this was an unpardonable offense
A stormy scene ensued The father in ungovernable fury heaped upon the son every abusive epithet he could think of Luke Raeburn spoke not a word he was strong and selfcontrolled moreover he knew that he had had the best of the argument He was human however and his heart was wrung by his fathers bitterness Standing there on that summer day in the study of the Scotch parsonage the mans future was sealed He suffered there the loss of all things but at the very time there sprung up in him an enthusiasm for the cause of free thought a passionate burning zeal for the opinions for which he suffered which never left him but served as the great moving impulse of his whole subsequent life
I tell you you are not fit to be in a gentlemans house thundered the father A rank atheist a lying infidel It is against nature that you should call a parsonage your home
It is not particularly homelike said the son bitterly I can leave it when you please
Can exclaimed the father in a fury you WILL leave it sir and this very day too I disown you from this time Ill have no atheist for my son Change your views or leave the house at once
Perhaps he expected his son to make some compromise if so he showed what a very slight knowledge he had of his character Luke Raeburn had certainly not been prepared for such extreme harshness but with the pain and grief and indignation there rose in his heart a mighty resoluteness With a face as hard and rugged as the granite rocks without he wished his father goodbye and obeyed his orders
Then had followed such a struggle with the world as few men would have gone through with Cut off from all friends and relations by his avowal of atheism and baffled again and again in seeking to earn his living he had more than once been on the very brink of starvation By sheer force of will he had won his way had risen above adverse circumstances had fought down obstacles and conquered opposing powers Before long he had made fresh friends and gained many followers for there was an extraordinary magnetism about the man which almost compelled those who were brought into contact with him to reverence him
It was a curious history First there had been that time of grievous doubt then he had been thrown upon the world friendless and penniless with the beliefs and hopes hitherto most sacred to him dead and in their place an aching blank He had suffered much Treated on all sides with harshness and injustice it was indeed wonderful that he had not developed into a mere hater a passionate downpuller But there was in his character a nobility which would not allow him to rest at this low level The bitter hostility and injustice which he encountered did indeed warp his mind and every year of controversy made it more impossible for him to take an unprejudiced view of Christs teaching but nevertheless he could not remain a mere destroyer
In that time of blankness when he had lost all faith in God when he had been robbed of friendship and family love he had seized desperately on the one thing left him—the love of humanity To him atheism meant not only the assertion—The word God is a word without meaning it conveys nothing to my understanding He added to this barren confession of an intellectual state a singularly high code of duty Such a code as could only have emanated from one about whom there lingered what Carlyle has termed a great aftershine of Christianity He held that the only happiness worth having was that which came to a man while engaged in promoting the general good That the whole duty of man was to devote himself to the service of others And he lived his creed
Like other people he had his faults but he was always ready to spend and he spent for what he considered the good of others while every act of injustice called forth his unsparing rebuke and every oppressed person or cause was sure to meet with his support at whatever cost to himself His zeal for what he regarded as the gospel of atheism grew and strengthened year by year He was the untiring advocate of what he considered the truth Neither illness nor small results nor loss could quench his ardor while opposition invariably stimulated him to fresh efforts After long years of toil he had at length attained an influential position in the country and though crippled by debts incurred in the struggle for freedom of speech and living in absolute penury he was one of the most powerful men of the day
The old bookseller had very truly observed that there was more good in him than people thought he was in fact a noble character twisted the wrong way by clumsy and mistaken handling
Brian Osmond was by no means bigoted he had moreover known those who were intimate with Raeburn and consequently had heard enough of the truth about him to disbelieve the gross libels which were constantly being circulated by the unscrupulous among his opponents Still as on that November afternoon he watched Raeburn and his daughter down Southampton Row he was conscious that for the first time he fully regarded the atheist as a fellowman The fact was that Raeburn had for long years been the champion of a hated cause he had braved the full flood of opposition and like an isolated rock had been the mark for so much of the rage and fury of the elements that people who knew him only by name had really learned to regard him more as a target than as a man It was he who could hit hardest who could most effectually baffle and ruin him while the quieter spirits contented themselves with rarely mentioning his obnoxious name and endeavoring as far as possible to ignore his existence Brian felt that till now he had followed with the multitude to do evil He had as far as possible ignored his existence had even been rather annoyed when his father had once publicly urged that Raeburn should be treated with as much justice and courtesy and consideration as if he had been a Christian He had been vexed that his father should suffer on behalf of such a man had been half inclined to put down the scorn and contempt and anger of the narrowminded to the atheists account The feeling had perhaps been natural but all was changed now he only revered his father all the more for having suffered in an unpopular cause With some eagerness he went back into the shop to see if he could gather any more particulars from the old bookseller Charles Osmond had however finished his purchases and his conversation and was ready to go
The second house in Guilford Terrace you say he observed turning at the door Thank you I shall be sure to find it Good day Then turning to his son he added I had no idea we were such near neighbors Did you hear what he told me Mr Raeburn lives in Guilford Terrace
What that miserable blind alley do you mean at the other side of the square
Yes and I am just going round there now for our friend the bookworm tells me he has heard it rumored that some unscrupulous person who is going to answer Mr Raeburn this evening has hired a band of roughs to make a disturbance at the meeting Fancy how indignant Donovan would be I only wish he were here to take a word to Mr Raeburn
Will he not most likely have heard from some other source said Brian
Possibly but I shall go round and see Such abominations ought to be put down and if by our own side all the better
Brian was only too glad that his father should go and indeed he would probably have wished to take the message himself had not his mind been set upon getting the best edition of Longfellow to be found in all London for his ideal So at the turning into Guilford Square the father and son parted
The booksellers information had roused in Charles Osmond a keen sense of indignation he walked on rapidly as soon as he had left his son and in a very few minutes had reached the gloomy entrance to Guilford Terrace It was currently reported that Raeburn made fabulous sums by his work and lived in great luxury but the real fact was that whatever his income few men led so selfdenying a life or voluntarily endured such privations Charles Osmond could not help wishing that he could bring some of the intolerant with him down that gloomy little alley to the door of that comfortless lodging house He rang and was admitted into the narrow passage then shown into the private study of the great man The floor was uncarpeted the window uncurtained the room was almost dark but a redglow of fire light served to show a large writing table strewn with papers and walls literally lined with books also on the hearthrug a little figure curled up in the most unconventionally comfortable attitude dividing her attention between making toast and fondling a loudpurring cat
CHAPTER III Life From Another Point of View
Toleration an attack on Christianity What then are we to
come to this pass to suppose that nothing can support
Christianity but the principles of persecution I am
persuaded that toleration so far from being an attack on
Christianity becomes the best and surest support that can
possibly be given to it Toleration is good for all
or it is good for none God forbid I may be mistaken
but I take toleration to be a part of religion Burke
Erica was apparently well used to receiving strangers She put down the toasting fork but kept the cat in her arms as she rose to greet Charles Osmond and her frank and rather childlike manner fascinated him almost as much as it had fascinated Brian
My father will be home in a few minutes she said I almost wonder you didnt meet him in the square he has only just gone to send off a telegram Can you wait Or will you leave a message
I will wait if I may said Charles Osmond Oh dont trouble about a light I like this dimness very well and please dont let me interrupt you
Erica relinquished a vain search for candle lighters and took up her former position on the hearth rug with her toasting fork
I like the gloaming too she said Its almost the only nice thing which is economical Everything else that one likes specially costs too much I wonder whether people with money do enjoy all the great treats
Very soon grow blase I expect said Charles Osmond The essence of a treat is rarity you see
I suppose it is But I think I could enjoy ever so many things for years and years without growing blase said Erica
Sometimes I like just to fancy what life might be if there were no tiresome Christians and bigots and lawsuits
Charles Osmond laughed to himself in the dim light the remark was made with such perfect sincerity and it evidently had not dawned on the speaker that she could be addressing any but one of her fathers followers Yet the words saddened Him too He just caught a glimpse through them of life viewed from a directly opposite point
Your father has a lawsuit going on now has he not he observed after a little pause
Oh yes there is almost always one either looming in the distance or actually going on I dont think I can ever remember the time when we were quite free It must feel very funny to have no worries of that kind I think if there wasnt always this great load of debt tied round our necks like a millstone I should feel almost light enough to fly And then it IS hard to read in some of those horrid religious papers that father lives an easygoing life Did you see a dreadful paragraph last week in the Church Chronicle
Yes I did said Charles Osmond sadly
It always has been the same said Erica Father has a delightful story about an old gentleman who at one of his lectures accused him of being rich and selfindulgent—it was a great many years ago when I was a baby and father was nearly killing himself with overwork—and he just got up and gave the people the whole history of his day and it turned out that he had had nothing to eat Mustnt the old gentleman have felt delightfully done I always wonder how he looked when he heard about it and whether after that he believed that atheists are not necessarily everything thats bad
I hope such days as those are over for Mr Raeburn said Charles Osmond touched both by the anecdote and by the loving admiration of the speaker
I dont know said Erica sadly It has been getting steadily worse for the last few years we have had to give up thing after thing Before long I shouldnt wonder if these rooms in what father calls Persecution alley grew too expensive for us But after all it is this sort of thing which makes our own people love him so much dont you think
I have no doubt it is said Charles Osmond thoughtfully
And then for a minute or two there was silence Erica having finished her toasting stirred the fire into a blaze and Charles Osmond sat watching the fair childish face which looked lovelier than ever in the soft glow of the fire light What would her future be he wondered She seemed too delicate and sensitive for the stormy atmosphere in which she lived Would the hard life embitter her or would she sink under it But there was a certain curve of resoluteness about her wellformed chin which was sufficient answer to the second question while he could not but think that the best safeguard against the danger of bitterness lay in her very evident love and loyalty to her father
Erica in the meantime sat stroking her cat Friskarina and wondering a little who her visitor could be She liked him very much and could not help responding to the bright kindly eyes which seemed to plead for confidence though he was such an entire stranger she found herself quite naturally opening out her heart to him
I am to take notes at my fathers meeting tonight she said breaking the silence and perhaps write the account of it afterward too and theres such a delightfully funny man coming to speak on the other side
Mr Randolph is it not
Yes a sort of male Mrs Malaprop Oh such fun and at the remembrance of some past encounter Ericas eyes positively danced with laughter But the next minute she was very grave
I came to speak to Mr Raeburn about this evening said Charles Osmond Do you know if he has heard of a rumor that this Mr Randolph has hired a band of roughs to interrupt the meeting
Erica made an indignant exclamation
Perhaps that was what the telegram was about she continued after a moments thought We found it here when we came in Father said nothing but went out very quickly to answer it Oh Now we shall have a dreadful time of it I suppose and perhaps hell get hurt again I did hope they had given up that sort of thing
She looked so troubled that Charles Osmond regretted he had said anything and hastened to assure her that what he had heard was the merest rumor and very possibly not true
I am afraid she said it is too bad not to be true
It struck Charles Osmond that that was about the saddest little sentence he had ever heard
Partly wishing to change the subject party from real interest he made some remark about a lovely little picture the only one in the room its frame was lighted up by the flickering blaze and even in the imperfect light he could see that the subject was treated in no ordinary way It was a little bit of the Thames far away from London with a bank of manytinted trees on one side and out beyond a range of low hills purple in the evening light In the sky was a rosy sunset glow melted above into saffron color and this was reflected in the water gilding and mellowing the foreground of sedge and water lilies But what made the picture specially charming was that the artist had really caught the peculiar solemn stillness of evening merely to look at that quiet peaceful river brought a feeling of hush and calmness It seemed a strange picture to find as the sole ornament in the study of a man who had all his life been fighting the world
Erica brightened up again and seemed to forget her anxiety when he questioned her as to the artist
There is such a nice story about that picture she said I always like to look at it It was about two years ago one very cold winters day and a woman came with some oil paintings which she was trying to sell for her husband who was ill he was rather a good artist but had been in bad health for a long time till at last she had really come to hawking about his pictures in this way because they were in such dreadful distress Father was very much worried just then there was a horrid libel case going on and that morning he was very busy and he sent the woman away rather sharply and said he had no time to listen to her Then presently he was vexed with himself because she really had looked in great trouble and he thought he had been harsh and though he was dreadfully pressed for time he would go out into the square to see if he couldnt find her again I went with him and we had walked all round and had almost given her up when we caught sight of her coming out of a house on the opposite side And then it was so nice father spoke so kindly to her and found out more about her history and said that he was too poor to buy her pictures but she looked dreadfully tired and cold so he asked her to come in and rest and she came and sat by the fire and stayed to dinner with us and we looked at her pictures because she seemed so proud of them and liked us to One of them was that little river scene which father took a great fancy to and praised a great deal She left us her address and later on when the libel case was ended and father had got damages and so had a little spare money he sent some to this poor artist and they were so grateful though do you know I think the dinner pleased them more than the money and they would insist on sending this picture to father Ill light the gas and then youll see it better
She twisted a piece of paper into a spill and put an end to the gloaming Charles Osmond stood up to get a nearer view of the painting and Erica too drew nearer and looked at it for a minute in silence
Father took me up the Thames once she said by and by It was so lovely Some day when all these persecutions are over we are going to have a beautiful tour and see all sorts of places But I dont know when they will be over As soon as one bigot— she broke off suddenly with a stifled exclamation of dismay
Charles Osmond in the dim light with his long gray beard had not betrayed his clerical dress but glancing round at him now she saw at once that the stranger to whom she had spoken so unreservedly was by no means one of her fathers followers
Well he said smiling half understanding her confusion
You are a clergyman she almost gasped
Yes why not
I beg your pardon I never thought—you seemed so much too—
Too what urged Charles Osmond Then as she still hesitated Now you must really let me hear the end of that sentence or I shall imagine everything dreadful
Too nice murmured Erica wishing that she could sink through the floor
But the confession so tickled Charles Osmond that he laughed aloud and his laughter was so infectious that Erica in spite of her confusion could not help joining in it She had a very keen sense of the ludicrous and the position was undoubtedly a laughable one still there were certain appalling recollections of the past conversation which soon made her serious again She had talked of persecutions to one who was at any rate on the side of persecutors had alluded to bigots and worst of all had spoken in no measured terms of tiresome Christians
She turned rather shyly and yet with a touch of dignity to her visitor and said
It was very careless of me not to notice more but it was dark and I am not used to seeing any but our own people here I am afraid I said things which must have hurt you I wish you had stopped me
The beautiful color had spread and deepened in her cheeks and there was something indescribably sweet and considerate in her tone of apology Charles Osmond was touched by it
It is I who should apologize he said I am not at all sure that I was justified in sitting there quietly knowing that you were under a delusion but it is always very delightful to me in this artificial world to meet any one who talks quite naturally and the interest of hearing your view of the question kept me silent You must forgive me and as you know I am too nice to be a clergyman—
Oh I beg your pardon How rude I have been cried Erica blushing anew but you did make me say it
Of course and I take it as a high compliment from you said Charles Osmond laughing again at the recollection Come may we not seal our friendship We have been sufficiently frank with each other to be something more than acquaintances for the future
Erica held out her hand and found it taken in a strong firm clasp which somehow conveyed much more than an ordinary handshake
And after all you ARE too nice for a clergyman she thought to herself Then as a fresh idea crossed her mind she suddenly exclaimed But you came to tell us about Mr Randolphs roughs did you not How came you to care that we should know beforehand
Why naturally I hoped that a disturbance might be stopped
Is it natural questioned Erica I should have thought it more natural for you to think with your own party
But peace and justice and freedom of speech must all stand before party questions
Yet you think that we are wrong and that Christianity is right
Yes but to my mind perfect justice is part of Christianity
Oh said Erica in a tone which meant unutterable things
You think that Christians do not show perfect justice to you said Charles Osmond reading her thoughts
I cant say I think they do she replied Then suddenly firing up at the recollection of her afternoons experiences she said They are not just to us though they preach justice they are not loving though they talk about love If they want us to think their religion true I wonder they dont practice it a little more and preach it less What is the use of talking of brotherly kindness and charity when they hardly treat us like human beings when they make up wicked lies about us and will hardly let us sit in the same room with them
Come now we really are sitting in the same room said Charles Osmond smiling
Oh dear what am I to do exclaimed Erica I cant remember that you are one of them You are so very unlike most
I think said Charles Osmond you have come across some very bad specimens
Erica in her heart considered her visitor as the exception which proved the rule but not wishing to be caught tripping again she resolved to say no more upon the subject
Let us talk of something else she said
Something nicer said Charles Osmond with a little mischievous twinkle in his eyes
Safer said Erica laughing But stop I hear my father
She went out into the passage to meet him Charles Osmond heard her explaining his visit and the news he had brought heard Raeburns brief responses then in a few moments the two entered the room a picturesque looking couple the clergyman thought the tall stately man with his broad forehead and overshadowing masses of auburn hair the little eagerfaced impetuous girl so winsome in her unconventional frankness
The conversation became a trifle more ceremonious though with Erica perched on the arm of her fathers chair ready to squeeze his hand at every word which pleased her it could hardly become stiff Raeburn had just heard the report of Mr Randolphs scheme and had already taken precautionary measures but he was surprised and gratified that Charles Osmond should have troubled to bring him word about it The two men talked on with the most perfect friendliness and by and by to Ericas great delight Charles Osmond expressed a wish to be present at the meeting that night and made inquiries as to the time and place
Oh couldnt you stay to tea and go with us she exclaimed forgetting for the third time that he was a clergyman and offering the ready hospitality she would have offered to any one else
I should be delighted he said smiling if you can really put up with one of the cloth
Raeburn amused at his daughters spontaneous hospitality and pleased with the friendly acceptance it had met with was quite ready to second the invitation Erica was delighted she carried off the cat and the toast into the next room eager to tell her mother all about the visitor
The most delightful man mother not a bit like a clergyman I didnt find out for ever so long what he was and said all sorts of dreadful things but he didnt mind and was not the least offended
When will you learn to be cautious I wonder said Mrs Raeburn smiling You are a shocking little chatterbox
And as Erica flitted busily about arranging the tea table her mother watched her half musedly half anxiously She had always been remarkably frank and outspoken and there was something so transparently sincere about her that she seldom gave offense But the mother could not help wondering how it would be as she grew older and mixed with a greater variety of people In fact in every way she was anxious about the childs future for Ericas was a somewhat perplexing character and seemed very ill fitted for her position
Eric Haeberlein had once compared her to a violin and there was a good deal of truth in his idea She was very sensitive responding at once to the merest touch and easily moved to admiration and devoted love or to strong indignation Naturally highspirited she was subject too to fits of depression and was always either in the heights or the depths Yet with all these characteristics was blended her fathers indomitable courage and tenacity Though feeling the thorns of life far more keenly than most people she was one of those who will never yield though pricked and wounded by outward events she would never be conquered by circumstances At present her capabilities for adoration which were very great were lavished in two directions in the abstract she worshipped intellect in the concrete she worshipped her father
From the grief and indignation of the afternoon she had passed with extraordinary rapidity to a state of merriment which would have been incomprehensible to one who did not understand her peculiarly complex character Mrs Raeburn listened with a good deal of amusement to her racy description of Charles Osmond
Strange that this should have happened so soon after our talk this afternoon she said musingly Perhaps it is as well that you should have a glimpse of the other side against which you were inveighing or you might be growing narrow
He is much too good to belong to them said Erica enthusiastically
As she spoke Raeburn entered bringing the visitor with him and they all sat down to their meal Erica pouring out tea and attending to every ones wants fondling her cat and listening to the conversation with all the time a curious perception that to sit down to table with one of her fathers opponents was a very novel experience She could not help speculating as to the thoughts and impressions of her companions Her mother was she thought pleased and interested for about her worn face there was the look of contentment which invariably came when for a time the bitterness of the struggle of life was broken by any sign of friendliness Her father was—as he generally was in his own house—quiet gentle in manner ready to be both an attentive and an interested listener This gift he had almost as markedly as the gift of speech he at once perceived that his guest was no ordinary man and by a sort of instinct he had discovered on what subjects he was best calculated to speak and wherein they could gain most from him Charles Osmonds thoughts she could only speculate about but that he was ready to take them all as friends and did not regard them as a different order of being was plain
The conversation had drifted into regions of abstruse science when Erica who had been listening attentively was altogether diverted by the entrance of the servant who brought her a brownpaper parcel Eagerly opening it she was almost bewildered by the delightful surprise of finding a complete edition of Longfellows poems bound in dark blue morocco Inside was written From another admirer of Hiawatha
She started up with a rapturous exclamation and the two men paused in their talk each unable to help watching the beautiful little face all aglow with happiness Erica almost danced round the room with her new treasure
What HEAVENLY person can have sent me this she cried Look father Did you ever see such a beauty
Science went to the winds and Raeburn gave all his sympathy to Erica and Longfellow The very thing you were wishing for Who could have sent it
I cant think It cant be Tom because I know hes spent all his money and auntie would never call herself an admirer of Hiawatha nor Herr Haeberlein nor Monsieur Noirol nor any one I can think of
Dealings with the fairies said Raeburn smiling Your beggarchild with the scones suddenly transformed into a beneficent rewarder
Not from you father
Raeburn laughed
A pretty substantial fairy for you No no I had no hand in it I cant give you presents while I am in debt my bairn
Oh isnt it jolly to get what one wants said Erica with a fervor which made the three grownup people laugh
Very jolly said Raeburn giving her a little mute caress
But now Erica please to go back and eat something or I shall have my reporter fainting in the middle of a speech
She obeyed carrying away the book with her and enlivening them with extracts from it once delightedly discovering a most appropriate passage
Why of course she exclaimed you and Mr Osmond father are smoking the Peace Pipe And with much force and animation she read them bits from the first canto
Raeburn left the room before long to get ready for his meeting but
Erica still lingered over her new treasure putting it down at length
with great reluctance to prepare her notebook and sharpen her pencil
Isnt that a delightful bit where Hiawatha was angry she said it
has been running in my head all day—
For his heart was hot within him
Like a living coal his heart was
Thats what I shall feel like tonight when Mr Randolph attacks father
She ran upstairs to dress and as the door closed upon her Mrs Raeburn turned to Charles Osmond with a sort of apology
She finds it very hard not to speak out her thoughts it will often get her into trouble I am afraid
It is too fresh and delightful to be checked though said Charles Osmond I assure you she has taught me many a lesson tonight
The mother talked on almost unreservedly about the subject that was evidently nearest her heart—the difficulties of Ericas education the harshness they so often met with the harm it so evidently did the child—till the subject of the conversation came down again much too excited and happy to care just then for any unkind treatment Had she not got a Longfellow of her very own and did not that unexpected pleasure make up for a thousand privations and discomforts
Yet with all her childishness and impetuosity Erica was womanly too as Charles Osmond saw by the way she waited on her mother thinking of everything which the invalid could possibly want while they were gone brightening the whole place with her sunshiny presence Whatever else was lacking there was no lack of love in this house The tender considerateness which softened Ericas impetuosity in her mothers presence the loving comprehension between parent and child was very beautiful to see
CHAPTER IV Supposing it is true
A man who strives earnestly and perseveringly to convince
others at least convinces us that he is convinced himself
Guesses at Truth
The rainy afternoon had given place to a fine and starlit
night Erica apparently in high spirits walked between her
father and Charles Osmond
Mother wont be anxious about us she said She has not heard a word about Mr Randolphs plans I was so afraid some one would speak about it at tea time and then she would have been in a fright all the evening and would not have liked my going
Mr Randolph is both energetic and unscrupulous said Raeburn But I doubt if even he would set his roughs upon you little one unless he has become as blood thirsty as a certain old Scotch psalm we used to sing
What was that questioned Erica
I forget the beginning but the last verse always had a sort of horrible fascination for us—
How happy should that trooper be Who riding on a naggie Should take thy little children up And dash them gin the craggie
Charles Osmond and Erica laughed heartily
They will only dash you against metaphorical rocks in the nineteenth century continued Raeburn I remember wondering why the old clerk in my fathers church always sung that verse lustily but you see we have exactly the same spirit now only in a more civilized form barbarity changed to polite cruelty as for instance the way you were treated this afternoon
Oh dont talk about that said Erica quickly I am going to enjoy my Longfellow and forget the rest
In truth Charles Osmond was struck with this both in the father and daughter each had a way of putting back their bitter thoughts of dwelling whenever it was possible on the brighter side of life He knew that Raeburn was involved in most harassing litigation was burdened with debt was confronted everywhere with bitter and often violent opposition yet he seemed to live above it all for there was a wonderful repose about him an extraordinary serenity in his aspect which would have seemed better fitted to a hermit than to one who has spent his life in fighting against desperate odds One thing was quite clear the man was absolutely convinced that he was suffering for the truth and was ready to endure anything in what he considered the service of his fellow men He did not seem particularly anxious as to the evenings proceedings On the whole they were rather a merry party as they walked along Gower Street to the station
But when they got out again at their destination and walked through the busy streets to the hall where the lecture was to be given a sort of seriousness fell upon all three They were each going to work in their different ways for what they considered the good of humanity and instinctively a silence grew and deepened
Erica was the first to break it as they came in sight of the hall
What a crowd there is she exclaimed Are these Mr Randolphs roughs
We can put up with them outside said Raeburn but Charles Osmond noticed that as he spoke he drew the child nearer to him with a momentary look of trouble in his face as though he shrunk from taking her through the rabble Erica on the other hand looked interested and perfectly fearless With great difficulty they forced their way on hooted and yelled at by the mob who however made no attempt at violence At length reaching the shelter of the entrance lobby Raeburn left them for a moment pausing to give directions to the door keepers Just then to his great surprise Charles Osmond caught sight of his son standing only a few paces from them His exclamation of astonishment made Erica look up Brian came forward eagerly to meet them
You here exclaimed his father with a latent suspicion confirmed into a certainty This is my son Miss Raeburn
Brian had not dreamed of meeting her he had waited about curious to see how Raeburn would get on with the mob it was with a strange pang of rapture and dismay that he had seen his fair little ideal That she should be in the midst of that hooting mob made his heart throb with indignation yet there was something so sweet in her grave steadfast face that he was nevertheless glad to have witnessed the scene Her color was rather heightened her eyes bright but very quiet yet as Charles Osmond spoke and she looked at Brian her face all at once lighted up and with an irresistible smile she exclaimed in the most childlike of voices
Why its my umbrella man The informality of the exclamation seemed to make them at once something more than ordinary acquaintances They told Charles Osmond of their encounter in the afternoon and in a very few minutes Brian hardly knowing whether he was not in some strange dream found himself sitting with his father and Erica in a crowded lecture hall realizing with an intensity of joy and an intensity of pain how near he was to the queen of his heart and yet how far from her
The meeting was quite orderly Though Raeburn was addressing many who disagreed with him he had evidently got the whole and undivided attention of his audience and indeed his gifts both as rhetorician and orator were so great that they must have been either willfully deaf or obtuse who when under the spell of his extraordinary earnestness and eloquence could resist listening Not a word was lost on Brian every sentence which emphasized the great difference of belief between himself and his love seemed to engrave itself on his heart no minutest detail of that evening escaped him
He saw the tall commanding figure of the orator the vast sea of upturned faces below the eager attention imprinted on all sometimes a wave of sympathy and approval sweeping over them resulting in a storm of applause at times a more divided disapproval or a shout of No no which invariably roused the speaker to a more vigorous clear and emphatic repetition of the questioned statement And through all he was ever conscious of the young girl at his side who with her head bent over her notebook was absorbed in her work While the most vital questions of life were being discussed he was yet always aware of that hand traveling rapidly to and fro of the pages hurriedly turned of the quick yet wearylooking change of posture
Though not without a strong vein of sarcasm Raeburns speech was on the whole temperate it certainly should have been met with consideration But unfortunately Mr Randolph was incapable of seeing any good in his opponent his combative instincts were far stronger than his Christianity and Brian who had winced many times while listening to the champion of atheism was even more keenly wounded by the champion of his own cause Abusive epithets abounded in his retort at last he left the subject under discussion altogether and launched into personalities of the most objectionable kind Raeburn sat with folded arms listening with a sort of cold dignity He looked very different now from the genialmannered quiet man whom Charles Osmond had seen in his own home but an hour or two ago There was a peculiar look in his tawny eyes hardly to be described in words a look which was hard and cold and steady It told of an originally sensitive nature inured to ill treatment of a strong will which had long ago steeled itself to endure of a character which though absolutely refusing to yield to opposition had grown slightly bitter even slightly vindictive in the process
Brian could only watch in silent pain the little figure beside him Once at some violent term of abuse she looked up and glanced for a moment at the speaker he just caught a swift indignant flash from her bright eyes then her head was bent lower than before over her notebook and the carnation deepened in her cheek while her pencil sped over the paper fast and furiously Presently came a sharp retort from Raeburn ending with the perfectly warrantable accusation that Mr Randolph was wandering from the subject of the evening merely to indulge his personal spite The audience was beginning to be roused by the unfairness and a storm might have ensued had not Mr Randolph unintentionally turned the whole proceedings from tragedy to farce
Indignant at Raeburns accusation he sprung to his feet and began a vigorous protest
Mr Chairman I denounce my opponent as a liar His accusation is utterly false I deny the allegation and I scorn the alligator—
He was interrupted by a shout of laughter the whole assembly was convulsed even Ericas anger changed to mirth
Fit for Punch she whispered to Brian her face all beaming with merriment
Raeburn whose grave face had also relaxed into a smile suddenly stood up and with a sort of dry Scotch humor remarked
My enemies have compared me to many obnoxious things but never till tonight have I been called a crocodile Possibly Mr Randolph has been reading of the crocodiles recently dissected at Paris It has been discovered that they are almost brainless and being without reason are probably animated by a violent instinct of destruction I believe however that the power of their jaw is unsurpassed
Then amid shouts of laughter and applause he sat down again leaving the field to the much discomfited Mr Randolph
Much harm had been done that evening to the cause of Christianity The sympathies of the audience could not be with the weak and unmannerly Mr Randolph they were Englishmen and were of course inclined to side with the man who had been unjustly dealt with who moreover had really spoken to them—had touched their very hearts
The field was practically lost when to the surprise of all another speaker came forward Erica who knew that their side had had the best of it felt a thrill of admiration when she saw Charles Osmond move slowly to the front of the platform She was very tired but out of a sort of gratitude for his friendliness a readiness to do him honor she strained her energies to take down his speech verbatim It was not a long one it was hardly perhaps to be called a speech at all it was rather as if the man had thrown his very self into the breach made by the unhappy wrangle of the evening
He spoke of the universal brotherhood and of the wrong done to it by bitterness and strife he stood there as the very incarnation of brotherliness and the people whether they agreed with him or not loved him In the place where the religion of Christ had been reviled as well by the Christians as by the atheist he spoke of the revealer of the Father and a hush fell on the listening men he spoke of the Founder of the great brotherhood and by the very reality by the fervor of his convictions touched a new chord in many a heart It was no time for argument the meeting was almost over he scarcely attempted to answer to many of the difficulties and objections raised by Raeburn earlier in the evening But there was in his ten minutes speech the whole essence of Christianity the spirit of loving sacrifice to self the strength of an absolute certainty which no argument however logical can shake the extraordinary power which breathes in the assertion I KNOW Him whom I have believed
To more than one of Raeburns followers there came just the slightest agitation of doubt the questioning whether these things might not be For the first time in her life the question began to stir in Ericas heart She had heard many advocates of Christianity and had regarded them much as we might regard Buddhist missionaries speaking of a religion that had had its day and was now only fit to be discarded or perhaps studied as an interesting relic of the past about which in its later years many corruptions had gathered
Raeburn being above all things a just man had been determined to give her mind no bias in favor of his own views and as a child he had left her perfectly free But there was a certain Scotch proverb which he did not call to mind that As the auld cock crows the young cock learns When the time came at which he considered her old enough really to study the Bible for herself she had already learned from bitter experience that Christianity—at any rate what called itself Christianity—was the religion whose votaries were constantly slandering and illtreating her father and that all the privations and troubles of their life were directly or indirectly due to it She of course identified the conduct of the most unfriendly and persecuting with the religion itself it could hardly be otherwise
But tonight as she toiled away bravely acting up to her lights taking down the opponents speech to the best of her abilities though predisposed to think it all a meaningless rhapsody the faintest attempt at a question began to take shape in her mind It did not form itself exactly into words but just lurked there like a cloudshadow—supposing Christianity were true
All doubt is pain Even this faint beginning of doubt in her creed made Erica dreadfully uncomfortable Yet she could not regret that Charles Osmond had spoken even though she imagined him to be greatly mistaken and feared that that uncomfortable question might have been suggested to others among the audience She could not wish that the speech had not been made for it had revealed the nobility of the man his broadhearted love and she instinctively reverenced all the really great and good however widely different their creeds
Brian tried in vain to read her thoughts but as soon as the meeting was over her temporary seriousness vanished and she was once more almost a child again ready to be amused by anything She stood for a few minutes talking to the two Osmonds then catching sight of an acquaintance a little way off she bade them a hasty good night much to Brians chagrin and hurried forward with a warmth of greeting which he could only hope was appreciated by the thickset honestlooking mechanic who was the happy recipient When they left the hall she was still deep in conversation with him
The fates were kind however to Brian that day they were just too late for a train and before the next one arrived Raeburn and Erica were seen slowly coming down the steps and in another minute had joined them on the platform Charles Osmond and Raeburn fell into an amicable discussion and Brian to his great satisfaction was left to an uninterrupted teteatete with Erica There had been no further demonstration by the crowd and Erica now that the anxiety was over was ready to make fun of Mr Randolph and his band checking herself every now and then for fear of hurting her companion but breaking forth again and again into irresistible merriment as she recalled the alligator incident and other grotesque utterances All too soon they reached their destination There was still however a ten minutes walk before them a walk which Brian never forgot The wind was high and it seemed to excite Erica he could always remember exactly how she looked her eyes bright and shining her short auburn hair all blown about by the wind one stray wave lying across the quaint little sealskin hat He remembered too how in the middle of his argument Raeburn had stepped forward and had wrapped a white woolen scarf more closely round the child securing the fluttering ends Brian would have liked to do it himself had he dared and yet it pleased him too to see the fathers thoughtfulness perhaps in that touch of nature he for the first time fully recognized his kinship with the atheist
Erica talked to him in the meantime with a delicious childlike frankness gave him an enthusiastic account of her friend Hazeldine the working man whom he had seen her speaking to and unconsciously reveled in her free conversation a great deal of the life she led a busy earnest selfdenying life Brian could see When they reached the place of their afternoons encounter she alluded merrily to what she called the charge of umbrellas
Who would have thought now that in a few hours time we should have learned to know each other she exclaimed It has been altogether the very oddest day a sort of sandwich of good and bad two bits of the dry bread of persecution put in between you and Mr Osmond and my beautiful new Longfellow
Brian could not help laughing at the simile and was not a little pleased to hear the reference to his book but his amusement was soon dispelled by a grim little incident Just at that minute they happened to pass an undertakers cart which was standing at the door of one of the houses a coffin was born across the pavement in front of them Erica with a quick exclamation put her hand on his arm and shrank back to make room for the bearers to pass Looking down at her he saw that she was quite pale The coffin was carried into the house and they passed on
How I do hate seeing anything like that she exclaimed Then looking back and up to the windows of the house Poor people I wonder whether they are very sad It seems to make all the world dark when one comes across such things Father thinks it is good to be reminded of the end that it makes one more eager to work but he doesnt even wish for anything after death nor do any of the best people I know It is silly of me but I never can bear to think of quite coming to an end I suppose because I am not so unselfish as the others
Or may it not be a natural instinct which is implanted in all which perhaps you have not yet crushed by argument
Erica shook her head
More likely to be a little bit of one of my covenanting ancestors coming out in me Still I own that the hope of the hereafter is the one point in which you have the better of it Life must seem very easy if you believe that all will be made up to you and all wrong set right after you are dead You see we have rather hard measure here and dont expect anything at all by and by But all the same I am always rather ashamed of this instinct or selfishness or Scottish inheritance whichever it is
Ashamed Why should you be
It is a sort of weakness I think which strong characters like my father are without You see he cares so much for every one and thinks so much of making the world a little less miserable in this generation but most of my love is for him and for my mother and so when I think of death—of their death— she broke off abruptly
Yet do not call it selfishness said Brian with a slightly choked feeling for there had been a depth of pain in Ericas tone My father who has just that love of humanity of which you speak has still the most absolute belief in—yes and longing for—immortality It is no selfishness in him
I am sure it is not said Erica warmly I shouldnt think he could be selfish in any way I am glad he spoke tonight it does one good to hear a speech like that even if one doesnt agree with it I wish there were a few more clergymen like him then perhaps the tolerance and brotherliness he spoke of might become possible But it must be a long way off or it would not seem such an unheardof thing that I should be talking like this to you Why it is the first time in my whole life that I have spoken to a Christian except on the most everyday subjects
Then I hope you wont let it be the last said Brian
I should like to know Mr Osmond better said Erica for you know it seems very extraordinary to me that a clever scientific man can speak as he spoke tonight I should like to know how you reconcile all the contradictions how you can believe what seems to me so unlikely how even if you do believe in a God you can think Him good while the world is what it is If there is a good God why doesnt He make us all know Him and end all the evil and cruelty
Brian did not reply for a moment The familiar gaslit street the usual number of passengers the usual careworn or viceworn faces passing by damp pavements muddy roads fresh winter wind all seemed so natural but to talk of the deepest things in heaven and earth was so unnatural He was a very reserved man but looking down at the eager questioning face beside him his reserve all at once melted He spoke very quietly but in a voice which showed Erica that he was at least as she expressed it honestly deluded Evidently he did from his very heart believe what he said
But how are we to judge what is best he replied My belief is that God is slowly and gradually educating the world not forcing it on unnaturally but drawing it on step by step making it work out its own lessons as the best teachers do with their pupils To me the idea of a steady progression in which man himself may be a coworker with God is far more beautiful than the conception of a Being who does not work by natural laws at all but arbitrarily causes this and that to be or not to be
But then if your God is educating the world He is educating many of us in ignorance of Himself in atheism How can that be good or right Surely you for instance must be rather puzzled when you come across atheists if you believe in a perfect God and think atheism the most fearful mistake possible
If I could not believe that God can and does educate some of us through atheism I should indeed be miserable said Brian with a thrill of pain in his voice which startled Erica But I do believe that even atheism even blank ignorance of Him may be a stage through which alone some of us can be brought onward The noblest man I ever knew passed through that state and I cant think he would have been half the man he is if he had not passed through it
I have only known two or three people who from atheists became theists and they were horrid said Erica emphatically People always are spiteful to the side they have left
You could not say that of my friend said Brian musingly I wish you could meet him
They had reached the entrance to Guilford Terrace Raeburn and Charles Osmond overtook them and the conversation ended abruptly Perhaps because Erica had made no answer to the last remark and was conscious of a touch of malice in her former speech she put a little additional warmth into her farewell At any rate there was that which touched Brians very heart in the frank innocence of her hand clasp in the sweet yet questioning eyes that were raised to his
He turned away happier and yet sadder than he had ever been in his life Not a word passed between him and his father as they crossed the square but when they reached home they instinctively drew together over the study fire There was a long silence even then broken at last by Charles Osmond
Well my son he said
I cannot see how I can be of the least use to her said Brian abruptly as if his father had been following the whole of his train of thought which indeed to a certain extent he had
Was this afternoon your first meeting
Our first speaking I have seen her many times but only today realized what she is
Well your little Undine is very bewitching and much more than bewitching true to the core and loyal and loving If only the hardness of her life does not embitter her I think she will make a grand woman
Tell me what you did this afternoon said Brian you must have been some time with them
Charles Osmond told him all that had passed then continued
She is as I said a fascinating bright little Undine inclined to be willful I should fancy and with a sort of warmth and quickness about her whole character in many ways still a child and yet in others strangely old for her years on the whole I should say as fair a specimen of the purely natural being as you would often meet with The spiritual part of her is I fancy asleep
No I fancy tonight has made it stir for the first time said Brian and he told his father a little of what had passed between himself and Erica
And the Longfellow was I suppose from you said Charles Osmond I wish you could have seen her delight over it Words absolutely failed her I dont think any one else noticed it but her own vocabulary coming to an end she turned to ours it was What HEAVENLY person can have sent me this
Brian smiled but sighed too
One talks of the spiritual side remaining untouched he said yet how is it ever to be otherwise than chained and fettered while such men as that Randolph are recognized as the champions of our cause while injustice and unkindness meet her at every turn while it is something rare and extraordinary for a Christian to speak a kind word to her If today she has first realized that Christians need not necessarily behave as brutes I have realized a little what life is from her point of view
Then realizing that perhaps you may help her perhaps another chapter of the old legend may come true and you may be the means of waking the spirit in your Undine
I Oh no How can you think of it You or Donovan perhaps but even that idea seems to me wildly improbable
There was something in his humility and sadness which touched his father inexpressibly
Well he said after a pause if you are really prepared for all the suffering this love must bring you if you mean to take it and cherish it and live for it even though it brings you no gain but apparent pain and loss then I think it can only raise both you and your Undine
Brian knew that not one man in a thousand would have spoken in such a way his fathers unworldliness was borne in upon him as it had never been before Greatly as he had always reverenced and loved him tonight his love and reverence deepened unspeakably—the two were drawn nearer to each other than ever
It was not the habit in this house to make the most sacred ties of life the butt for illtimed and illjudged joking No knight of old thought or spoke more reverently or with greater reserve of his lady love than did Brian of Erica He regarded himself now as one bound to do her service consecrated from that day forward as her loyal knight
CHAPTER V Ericas Resolve
Men are tattooed with their special beliefs like so many
South Sea Islanders but a real human heart with Divine
love in it beats with the same glow under all the patterns
of all earths thousand tribes O Wendell Holmes
For the next fortnight Brian and Erica continued to pass each other every afternoon in Gower Street as they had done for so long the only difference was that now they greeted each other that occasionally Brian would be rendered happy for the rest of the day by some brief passing remark from his Undine or by one of her peculiarly bright smiles One day however she actually stopped her face was radiant
I must just tell you our good news she said My father has won his case and has got heavy damages
I am very glad said Brian It must be a great relief to you all to have it over
Immense Father looks as if a tons weight had been taken off his mind Now I hope we shall have a little peace
With a hasty good bye she hurried on an unusual elasticity in her light footsteps In Guilford Square she met a political friend of her fathers and was brought once more to a standstill This time it was a little unwillingly for M Noirol teased her unmercifully and at their last meeting had almost made her angry by talking of a friend of his at Paris who offered untold advantages to any clever and welleducated English girl who wished to learn the language and who would in return teach her own Erica had been made miserable by the mere suggestion that such a situation would suit her the slightest hint that it might be well for her to go abroad had roused in her a sort of terror lest her father might ever seriously think of the scheme She had not quite forgiven M Noirol for having spoken although the proposal had not been gravely made and probably only persevered in out of the spirit of teasing But today M Noirol looked very grave
You have heard our good news said Erica Now dont begin again about Madame Lemerciers school I dont want to be made cross today of all days when I am so happy
I will tease you no more dear mademoiselle said the Frenchman but he offered no congratulations and there was something in his manner which made Erica uneasy
Is anything wrong Has anything happened she asked quickly
The Frenchman shrugged his shoulders
Who knows It is an evil world Mademoiselle Erica as you will realize when you have lived in it as long as I have But I detain you Good bye AU REVOIR
He took off his hat with a flourish and passed on
Erica feeling baffled and a little cross hurried home M Noirol had not teased her today but he had been inscrutable and tiresome and he had made her feel uneasy She opened the front door and went at once to her fathers study pausing for a moment at the sound of voices within She recognized however that it was her cousin Tom Craigie who was speaking and without more delay she entered Then in a moment she understood why M Noirol had been so mysterious Tom was speaking quickly and strongly and there was a glow of anger on his face Her father was standing with his back to the mantlepiece and there was a sort of cold light in his eyes which filled Erica with dismay Never in the most anxious days had she seen him look at once so angry yet as weighed down with care
What is the matter she questioned breathlessly instinctively turning to Tom whose hot anger was more approachable
The scamp of a Christian has gone bankrupt he said referring to the defendant in the late action but too furious to speak very intelligibly
Mr Cheale you mean asked Erica
The scoundrel Yes So not a farthing of costs and damages shall we see It is the most fiendish thing ever heard of
Will the costs be very heavy
Heavy I should think they would indeed He named the probable sum it seemed a fearful addition to the already existing burden of debts
A look of such pain and perplexity came over Ericas face that Raeburn for the first time realizing what was passing in the room drew her toward him his face softening and the cold angry light in his eyes changing to sadness
Never mind my child he said with a sigh Tis a hard blow but we must bear up Injustice wont triumph in the end
There was something in his voice and look which made Erica feel dreadfully inclined to cry but that would have disgraced her forever in the eyes of stoical Tom so she only squeezed his hand hard and tried to think of that fardistant future of which she had spoken to Charles Osmond when there would be no tiresome Christians and bigots and lawsuits
There was however one person in the house who was invariably the recipient of all the troubled confidences of others In a very few minutes Erica had left the study and was curled up beside her mothers couch talking out unreservedly all her grief and anger and perplexity
Mrs Raeburn delicate and invalided as she was had nevertheless a great deal of influence though perhaps neither Raeburn nor Erica nor warmhearted Tom Craigie understood how much she did for them all She was so unassuming so little given to unnecessary speech so reticent that her life made very little show while it had become so entirely a matter of course that every one should bring his private troubles to her that it would have seemed extraordinary not to meet with exactly the sympathy and counsel needed Today however even Mrs Raeburn was almost too despondent to cheer the others It comforted Erica to talk to her but she could not help feeling very miserable as she saw the anxiety and sadness in her mothers face
What more can we do mother she questioned I cant think of a single thing we can give up
I really dont know dear said her mother with a sigh We have nothing but the absolute necessaries of life now except indeed your education at the High School and that is a very trifling expense and one which cannot be interfered with
Erica was easily depressed like most highspirited persons but she was not used to seeing either her father or her mother despondent and the mere strangeness kept her from going down to the very deepest depths She had the feeling that at least one of them must try to keep up Yet do what she would that evening was one of the saddest and dreariest she had ever spent All the excitement of contest was over and a sort of dead weight of gloom seemed to oppress them Raeburn was absolutely silent From the first Erica had never heard him complain but his anger and afterward his intense depression spoke volumes Even Tom her friend and play fellow seemed changed this evening grown somehow from a boy to a man for there was a sternness about him which she had never seen before and which made the days of their childhood seem far away And yet it was not so very long ago that she and Tom had been the most lighthearted and careless beings in the world and had imagined the chief interest of life to consist in tending dormice and tame rats and silk worms She wondered whether they could ever feel free again whether they could ever enjoy their long Saturday afternoon rambles or whether this weight of care would always be upon them
With a very heavy heart she prepared her lessons for the next day finding it hard to take much interest in Magna Charta and legal enactments in the time of King John when the legal enactments of today were so much more mindengrossing Tom was sitting opposite to her writing letters for Raeburn Once notwithstanding his grave looks she hazarded a question Tom she said shutting up her History of the English People Tom what do you think will happen
Tom looked across at her with angry yet sorrowful eyes
I think he said sternly that the chieftain will try to do the work of ten men at once and will pay off these debts or die in the attempt
The chieftain was a favorite name among the Raeburnites for their leader and there was a great deal of the clan feeling among them The majority of them were earnest hardworking thoughtful men and their society was both powerful and wellorganized while their personal devotion to Raeburn lent a vigor and vitality to the whole body which might otherwise have been lacking Perhaps comparatively few would have been enthusiastic for the cause of atheism had not that cause been represented by a highsouled selfdenying man whom they loved with all their hearts
The dreary evening ended at length Erica helped her mother to bed and then with slow steps climbed up to her little attic room It was cold and comfortless enough bare of all luxuries but even here the walls were lined with books and Ericas little iron bedstead looked somewhat incongruous surrounded as it was with dingylooking volumes dusky old legal books works of reference books atheistical theological metaphysical or scientific On one shelf amid this strangely heterogeneous collection she kept her own particular treasures—Brians Longfellow one or two of Dickenss books which Tom had given her and the beloved old Grimm and Hans Andersen which had been the friends of her childhood and which for old sakes sake she had never had the heart to sell The only other trace of her in the strange little bedroom was in a wonderful array of china animals on the mantlepiece She was a great animal lover and being a favorite with every one she received many votive offerings Her shrine was an amusing one to look at A green china frog played a tuneless guitar a pensive monkey gazed with clasped hands and dreadfully human eyes into futurity there were sagacious looking elephants placid rhinoceroses rampant hares two pug dogs clasped in an irrevocable embrace an enormous lobster a diminutive polar bear and in the center of all a most evillooking jackdaw about half an inch high
But tonight the childish side of Erica was in abeyance the cares of womanhood seemed gathering upon her She put out her candle and sat down in the dark racking her brain for some plan by which to relieve her father and mother Their life was growing harder and harder It seemed to her that poverty in itself was bearable enough but that the everincreasing load of debt was not bearable As long as she could remember it had always been like a millstone tied about their necks and the ceaseless petty economies and privations seemed of little avail she felt very much as if she were one of the Danaids doomed forever to pour water into a vessel with a hole in it
Yet in one sense she was better off than many for these debts were not selfish debts—no one had ever known Raeburn to spend an unnecessary sixpence on himself all this load had been incurred in the defense of what he considered the truth—by his unceasing struggles for liberty She was proud of the debts proud to suffer in what she regarded as the sacred cause but in spite of that she was almost in despair this evening the future looked so hopelessly black
Toms words rang in her head—The chieftain will try to do the work of ten men What if he overworked himself as he had done once a few years ago What if he died in the attempt She wished Tom had not spoken so strongly In the friendly darkness she did not try to check the tears which would come into her eyes at the thought Something must be done She must in some way help him And then all at once there flashed into her mind M Noirols teasing suggestion that she should go to Paris Here was a way in which free of all expense she might finish her education might practically earn her living In this way she might indeed help to lighten the load but it would be at the cost of absolute selfsacrifice She must leave home and father and mother and country
Erica was not exactly selfish but she was very young The thought of the voluntary sacrifice seemed quite unbearable she could not make up her mind to it
Why should I give up all this Why should prejudice and bigotry spoil my whole life she thought beginning to pace up and down the room with quick agitated steps Why should we suffer because that wretch has gone bankrupt It is unfair unjust it cant be right
She leaned her arms on the window sill and looked out into the silent night The stars were shining peacefully enough looking down on this world of strife and struggle Erica grew a little calmer as she looked Nature with its majesty of calmness seemed to quiet her troubled heart and sweep gradualgospels in
From some recess of memory there came to her some halfenigmatical words they had been quoted by Charles Osmond in his speech but she did not remember where she had heard them only they began to ring in her ears now
There is no gain except by loss There is no life except by death Nor glory but by bearing shame Nor justice but by taking blame
She did not altogether understand the verse but there was a truth in it which could hardly fail to come home to one who knew what persecution meant What if the very blame and injustice of the present brought in the future reign of justice She seemed to hear her fathers voice saying again We must bear up child injustice wont triumph in the end
There is no gain except by loss
What if her loss of home and friends brought gain to the world That was a thought which brought a glow of happiness to her even in the midst of her pain There was after all much of the highest Christianity about her though she would have been very much vexed if any one had told her so because Christianity meant to her narrowmindedness instead of brotherly love However it might be there was no denying that the child of the great teacher of atheism had grasped the true meaning of life had grasped it and was prepared to act on it too She had always lived with those who were ready to spend all in the promotion of the general good and all that was true all that was noble in her creed all that had filled her with admiration in the lives of those she loved came to her aid now
She went softly down the dark staircase to Raeburns study it was late and anxious not to disturb the rest of the house she opened the door noiselessly and crept in Her father was sitting at his desk writing he looked very stern but there was a sort of grandeur about his rugged face He was absorbed in his work and did not hear her and for a minute she stood quite still watching him realizing with pain and yet with a happy pride how greatly she loved him Her heart beat fast at the thought of helping him lightening his load even a little
Father she said softly
Raeburn was the sort of a man who could not be startled but he looked up quickly apparently returning from some speculative region with a slight effort He was the most practical of men and yet for a minute he felt as if he were living in a dream for Erica stood beside him pale and beautiful with a sort of heroic light about her whole face which transformed her from a merry child to a highsouled woman Instinctively he rose to speak to her
I will not disturb you for more than a minute father she said it is only that I have thought of a way in which I think I could help you if you would let me
Well dear what is it said Raeburn still watching half dreamily the exceeding beauty of the face before him Yet an undefined sense of dread chilled his heart Was anything too hard or high for her to propose He listened without a word to her account of M Noirols Parisian scheme to her voluntary suggestion that she should go into exile for two years At the end he merely put a brief question Are you ready to bear two years of loneliness
I am ready to help you she said with a little quiver in her voice and a cloud of pain in her eyes
Raeburn turned away from her and began to pace up and down the little room his eyes not altogether free from tears for pachydermatous as he was accounted by his enemies this man was very tender over his child he could hardly endure to see her pain Yet after all though she had given him a sharp pang she had brought him happiness which any father might envy He came back to her his stern face inexpressibly softened
And I am ready to be helped my child it shall be as you say
There was something in his voice and in the gentle acceptance of help from one so strong and selfreliant which touched Erica more than any praise or demonstrative thanks could have done They were going to work together he had promised that she should fight side by side with him
Lawsuits may ruin us said Raeburn but after all the evil has a way of helping out the good He put his arm round her and kissed her You have taught me little one how powerless and weak are these petty persecutions They can only prick and sting us Nothing can really hurt us while we love the truth and love each other
That was the happiest moment Erica had ever known already her loss had brought a rapturous gain
I shall never go to sleep tonight she said Let me help you with your letters
Raeburn demurred a little but yielded to her entreaties and for the next two hours the father and daughter worked in silence The bitterness which had lurked in the earlier part of the pamphlet that Raeburn had in hand was quite lacking in its close the writer had somehow been lifted into a higher purer atmosphere and if his pen flew less rapidly over the paper it at any rate wrote words which would long outlive the mere overflow of an angry heart
Coming back to the world of realities at last somewhere in the small hours he found his fire out a goodly pile of letters ready for his signature and his little amanuensis fast asleep in her chair Reproaching himself for having allowed her to sit up he took her in his strong arms as though she had been a mere baby and carried her up to her room so gently that she never woke The next morning she found herself so swathed in plaids and rugs and blankets that she could hardly move and in spite of a bad headache could not help beginning the day with a hearty laugh
Raeburn was not a man who ever let the grass grow under his feet his decisions were made with thought but with very rapid thought and his action was always prompt His case excited a good deal of attention but long before the newspapers had ceased to wage war either for or against him long before the weekly journals had ceased to teem with letters relating to the lawsuit he had formed his plans for the future His home was to be completely broken up Erica was to go to Paris his wife was to live with his sister Mrs Craigie and her son Tom who had agreed to keep on the lodgings in Guilford Terrace while for himself he had mapped out such a programme of work as could only have been undertaken by a man of Titanic energy and Herculean strength epithets which even the hostile press invariably bestowed on him How great the sacrifice was to him few people knew As we have said before the world regarded him as a target and would hardly have believed that he was in reality a man of the gentlest tastes as fond of his home as any man in England a faithful friend and a devoted father and perhaps all the more dependent on the sympathies of his own circle because of the bitter hostility he encountered from other quarters But he made his plans resolutely and said very little about them either one way or the other sometimes even checking Erica when she grumbled for him or gave vent to her indignation with regard to the defendant
We work for freedom little one he used to say and it is an honor to suffer in the cause of liberty
But every one says you will kill yourself with overwork said Erica and especially when you are in America
They dont know what stuff Im made of said Raeburn and even if it should use me up what then Its better to wear out than to rust out as a wise man once remarked
Yes said Erica rather faintly
But Ive no intention of wearing out just yet said Raeburn cheerfully You need not be afraid little son Eric and if at the end of those two years you do come back to find me gray and wrinkled what will that matter so long as we are free once more Theres a good time coming well have the coziest little home in London yet
With a garden for you to work in said Erica brightening up like a child at the castle in the air And well keep lots of animals and never bother again about money all our lives
Raeburn smiled at her ides of felicity—no cares and plenty of dogs and cats He did not anticipate any haven of rest at the end of the two years for himself He knew that his life must be a series of conflicts to the very end Still he hoped for relief from the load of debt and looked forward to the reestablishment of his home
Brian Osmond heard of the plans before long but he scarcely saw Erica the Christmas holidays began and he no longer met her each afternoon in Gower Street while the time drew nearer and nearer for her departure for Paris At length on the very last day it chanced that they were once more thrown together
Raeburn was a great lover of flowers and he very often received floral offerings from his followers It so happened that some beautiful hothouse flowers had been sent to him from a nursery garden one day in January and unwilling to keep them all he had suggested that Erica should take some to the neighboring hospitals Now there were two hospitals in Guilford Square Erica felt much more interested in the childrens hospital than in the one for grownup people but wishing to be impartial she arranged a basketful for each and well pleased to have anything to give hastened on her errand Much to her delight her first basket of flowers was not only accepted very gratefully but the lady superintendent took her over the hospital and let her distribute the flowers among the children She was very fond of children and was as happy as she could be passing up and down among the little beds while her bright manner attracted the little ones and made them unusually affectionate and responsive
Happy at having been able to give them pleasure and full of tender womanly thoughts she crossed the square to another small hospital she was absorbed in pitiful loving humanity had forgotten altogether that the world counted her as a heretic and wholly unprepared for what awaited her she was shown into the visitors room and asked to give her name Not only was Raeburn too notorious a name to pass muster but the head of the hospital knew Erica by sight and had often met her out of doors with her father She was a stiff narrowminded uncompromising sort of person and in her own words was determined to have no fellowship with the works of darkness How she could consider brightfaced Erica with her loving thought for others and her free gift a work of darkness it is hard to understand She was not at all disposed however to be under any sort of obligation to an atheist and the result of it was that after a three minutes interview Erica found herself once more in the square with her flowers still in her hand declined WITHOUT thanks
No one ever quite knew what the superintendent had said to her but apparently the rebuff had been very hard to bear Not content with declining any fellowship with the poor little work of darkness she had gone on in accordance with the letter of the text to reprove her and Erica left the house with burning cheeks and with a tumult of angry feeling stirred up in her heart She was far too angry to know or care what she was doing she walked down the quiet square in the very opposite direction to Persecution Alley and might have walked on for an indefinite time had not some one stopped her
I was hoping to see you before you left said a pleasant quiet voice close by her She looked up and saw Charles Osmond
Thus suddenly brought to a standstill she became aware that she was trembling from head to foot A little delicate sensitive thing the unsparing censure and the rude reception she had just met with had quite upset her
Charles Osmond retained her hand in his strong clasp and looked questioningly into her bright indignant eyes
What is the matter my child he asked
I am only angry said Erica rather breathlessly hurt and angry because one of your bigots has been rude to me
Come in and tell me all about it said Charles Osmond and there was something so irresistible in his manner that Erica at once allowed herself to be led into one of the tall oldfashioned houses and taken into a comfortable and roomy study the nicest room she had ever been in It was not luxurious indeed the Turkey carpet was shabby and the furniture well worn but it was homelike and warm and cheerful evidently a room which was dear to its owner Charles Osmond made her sit down in a capacious arm chair close to the fire
Well now who was the bigot he said in a voice that would have won the confidence of a flint
Erica told as much of the story as she could bring herself to repeat quite enough to show Charles Osmond the terrible harm which may be wrought by tactless modern Christianity He looked down very sorrowfully at the eager expressive face of the speaker it was at once very white and very pink for the child was sorely wounded as well as indignant She was evidently however a little vexed with herself for feeling the insult so keenly
It is very stupid of me she said laughing a little it is time I was used to it but I never can help shaking in this silly way when any one is rude to us Tom laughs at me and says I am made on wire springs like a twelfthcake butterfly But it is rather hard isnt it to be shut out from everything even from giving
I think it is both hard and wrong said Charles Osmond But we do not all shut you out
No said Erica You have always been kind you are not a bit like a Christian Would you—she hesitated a little—would you take the flowers instead
It was said with a shy grace inexpressibly winning Charles Osmond was touched and gratified
They will be a great treat to us he said My mother is very fond of flowers Will you come upstairs and see her We shall find afternoon tea going on I expect
So the rejected flowers found a resting place in the clergymans house and Brian coming in from his rounds was greeted by a sight which made his heart beat at double time In the drawing room beside his grandmother sat Erica her little fur hat pushed back her gloves off busily arranging Christmas roses and red camellias Her anger had died away she was talking quite merrily It seemed to Brian more like a beautiful dream than a bit of everyday life to have her sitting there so naturally in his home but the note of pain was struck before long
I must go home she said This is my last day you know I am going to Paris tomorrow
A sort of sadness seemed to fall on them at the words only gentle Mrs Osmond said cheerfully
You will come to see us again when you come back will you not
And then with the privilege of the aged she drew down the young fresh face to hers and kissed it
You will let me see you home said Brian It is getting dark
Erica laughingly protested that she was well used to taking care of herself but it ended in Brians triumphing So together they crossed the quiet square Erica chattered away merrily enough but as they reached the narrow entrance to Guilford Terrace a shadow stole over her face
Oh she exclaimed this is the last time I shall come home for two whole years
You go for so long said Brian stifling a sigh You wont forget your English friends
Do you mean that you count yourself our friend asked Erica smiling
If you will let me
That is a funny word to use she replied laughing You see we are treated as outlaws generally I dont think any one ever said will you let to me before This is our house thank you for seeing me home Then with a roguish look in her eyes she added demurely but with a slight emphasis on the last word Good bye my friend
Brian turned away sadly enough but he had not gone far when he heard flying footsteps and looking back saw Erica once more
Oh I just came to know whether by any chance you want a kitten she said I have a real beauty which I want to find a nice home for
Of course Brian wanted a kitten at once one would have imagined by the eagerness of his manner that he was devoted to the whole feline tribe
Well then will you come in and see it said Erica He really is a very nice kitten and I shall go away much happier if I can see him settled in life first
She took him in introduced him to her mother and ran off in search of the cat returning in a few minutes with a very playfullooking tabby
There he is she said putting the kitten on the table with an air of pride I dont believe he has an equal in all London
What do you call him asked Brian
His name is St Anthony said Erica Oh I hope by the bye you wont object to that it was no disrespect to St Anthony at all but only that he always will go and preach to my gold fish Well make him do it now to show you Come along Tony and give them a sermon theres a good little kit
She put him on a side table and he at once rested his front paws on a large glass bowl and peered down at the gold fish with great curiosity
I believe he would have drowned himself sooner or later like Grays cat so I dare say it is a good thing for him to leave You will be kind to him wont you
Brian promised that he should be well attended to and indeed there was little doubt that St Anthony would from that day forth be lapped in luxury He went away with his new master very contentedly Erica following them to the door with farewell injunctions
And youll be sure to butter his feet well or else he wont stay with you Good bye dear Tony Be a good little cat
Brian was pleased to have this token from his Undine but at the same time he could not help seeing that she cared much more about parting with the kitten than about saying good bye to him Well it was something to have that lucky St Anthony who had been fondled and kissed And after all it was Ericas very childishness and simplicity which made her so dear to him
As soon as they were out of sight Erica with the thought of the separation beginning to weigh upon her went back to her mother They knew that this was the last quiet time they would have together for many long months But last days are not good days for talking They spoke very little Every now and then Mrs Raeburn would make some inquiry about the packing or the journey or would try to cheer the child by speaking of the house they would have at the end of the two years But Erica was not to be comforted a dull pain was gnawing at her heart and the present was not to be displaced by any visions of a golden future If it were not for leaving you alone mother I shouldnt mind so much she said in a choked voice But it seems to me that you have the hardest part of all
Aunt Jean will be here and Tom said Mrs Raeburn
Aunt Jean is very kind said Erica doubtfully But she doesnt know how to nurse people Tom is the one hope and he has promised always to tell me the whole truth about you so if you get worse I shall come home directly
You mustnt grudge me my share of the work said Mrs Raeburn It would make me very miserable if I did hinder you or your father
Erica sighed You and father are so dreadfully publicspirited And yet oh mother What does the whole world matter to me if I think you are uncomfortable and wretched and alone
You will learn to think differently dear by and by said her mother kissing the eager troubled face And when you fancy me lonely you can picture me instead as proud and happy in thinking of my brave little daughter who has gone into exile of her own accord to help the cause of truth and liberty
They were inspiriting words and they brought a glow to Ericas face she choked down her own personal pain No religious martyr went through the time of trial more bravely than Luke Raeburns daughter lived through the next four and twenty hours She never forgot even the most trivial incident of that day it seemed burned in upon her brain The dreary waking on the dark winter morning the hurried farewells to her aunt and Tom the last long embrace from her mother the drive to the station her fathers recognition on the platform the rude staring and ruder comments to which they were subjected then the one supreme wrench of parting the look of pain in her fathers face the trembling of his voice the last long look as the train moved off and the utter loneliness of all that followed Then came dimmer recollections not less real but more confused of a merry set of fellow passengers who were going to enjoy themselves in the south of France of a certain little packet which her father had placed in her hand and which proved to be Mill on Liberty of her eager perusal of the first two or three chapters of the many instances of the tyranny of the majority which she had been able to produce not without a certain satisfaction And afterward more vividly she could recall the last look at England the dreary arrival at Boulogne the long weary railway journey and the friendly reception at Mme Lemerciers school No one could deny that her new life had been bravely begun
CHAPTER VI Paris
But we wake in the young morning when the light is breaking
forth And look out on its misty gleams as if the moon were
full And the Infinite around seems but a larger kind of
earth Ensphering this and measured by the selfsame handy
rule Hilda among the Broken Gods
Not unfrequently the most important years of a life the years which tell most on the character are unmarked by any notable events A steady orderly routine a gradual progression perseverance in hard work often do more to educate and form than a varied and eventful life Ericas two years of exile were as monotonous and quiet as the life of the secularists daughter could possibly be There came to her of course from the distance the echoes of her fathers strife but she was far removed from it all and there was little to disturb her mind in the quiet Parisian school There is no need to dwell on her uneventful life and a very brief description of her surroundings will be sufficient to show the sort of atmosphere in which she lived
The school was a large one and consisted principally of French provincial girls sent to Paris to finish their education Some of them Erica liked exceedingly every one of them was to her a curious and interesting study She liked to hear them talk about their home life and above all things to hear their simple naive remarks about religion Of course she was on her honor not to enter into discussions with them and they regarded all English as heretics and did not trouble themselves to distinguish between the different grades But there was nothing to prevent her from observing and listening and with some wonder she used to hear discussions about the dresses for the Premiere Communion remarks about the various services or laments over the confession papers The girls went to confession once a month and there was always a day in which they had to prepare and write out their misdemeanors One day a little thin delicate child from the south of France came up to Erica with her confession in her hand
Dear good Erica she said wearily have the kindness to read this and to correct my mistakes
Erica took the little thing on her knee and began to read the paper It was curiously spelled Before very long she came to the sentence Jai trop mange
Why Ninette exclaimed Erica you hardly eat enough to feed a sparrow it is nonsense to put that
Ah but it was a fast day signed Ninette And I felt hungry and did really eat more than I need have
Erica felt half angry and contemptuous half amused and could only hope that the priest would see the pale thin face of the little penitent and realize the ludicrousness of the confession
Another time all the girls had been to some special service on their return she asked what it had been about
Oh remarked a brightfaced girl it was about the seven joys—or the seven sorrows—of Mary
Do you mean to say you dont know whether it was very solemn or very joyful asked Erica astonished and amused
I am really not sure said the girl with the most placid goodtempered indifference
On the whole it was scarcely to be wondered at that Erica was not favorably impressed with Roman Catholicism
She was a great favorite with all the girls but though she was very patient and persevering she did not succeed in making any of them fluent English speakers and learned their language far better than they learned hers Her three special friends were not among the pupils but among the teachers Dear old Mme Lemercier with her goodhumored black eyes her kind demonstrative ways and her delightful stories about the time of the war and the siege was a friend worth having So was her husband M Lemercier the journalist He was a little driedup man with a fierce black mustache he was sarcastic and witty and he would talk politics by the hour together to any one who would listen to him especially if they would now and then ask a pertinent and intelligent question which gave him scope for an oration
Erica made a delightful listener for she was always anxious to learn and to understand and before long she was quite AU FAIT and understood a great deal about that exceedingly complicated thing the French political system M Lemercier was a fiery earnest little man with very strong convictions he had been exiled as a communist but had now returned and was a very vigorous and impassioned writer in one of the advanced Republican journals He and his wife became very fond of Erica Mme Lemercier loving her for her brightness and readiness to help and monsieur for her beauty and her quickness of perception It was surprising and gratifying to meet with a girl who without being a femme savante was yet capable of understanding the difference between the Extreme Left and the Left Center and who took a real interest in what was passing in the world
But Ericas greatest friend was a certain Fraulein Sonnenthal the German governess She was a kindeyed Hanoverian homely and by no means brilliantly clever but there was something in her unselfishness and in her unassuming humility that won Ericas heart She never would hear a word against the fraulein
Why do you care so much for Fraulein Sonnenthal she was often asked She seems uninteresting and dull to us
I love her because she is so good was Ericas invariable reply
She and the fraulein shared a bedroom and many were the arguments they had together The effect of being separated from her own people was very naturally to make Erica a more devoted secularist She was exceedingly enthusiastic for what she considered the truth and not unfrequently grieved and shocked the Lutheran fraulein by the vehemence of her statements Very often they would argue far on into the night they never quarreled however hot the dispute but the fraulein often had a sore time of it for naturally Luke Raeburns daughter was well up in all the debatable points and she had moreover a good deal of her fathers rapidity of thought and gift of speech She was always generous however and the fraulein had in some respects the advantage of her for they spoke in German
One scene in that little bedroom Erica never forgot They had gone to bed one Eastereve and had somehow fallen into a long and stormy argument about the resurrection and the doctrine of immortality Erica perhaps because she was conscious of the weakness she had confessed to Brian Osmond argued very warmly on the other side the poor little fraulein was grieved beyond measure and defended her faith gallantly though as she feared very ineffectually Her arguments seemed altogether extinguished by Ericas remorseless logic she was not nearly so clever and her very earnestness seemed to trip her up and make all her sentences broken and incomplete They discussed the subject till Erica was hoarse and at last from very weariness she fell asleep while the Lutheran was giving her a long quotation from St Paul
She slept for two or three hours when she woke the room was flooded with silvery moonlight the wooden cross which hung over the Germans bed stood out black and distinct but the bed was empty Erica looked round the room uneasily and saw a sight which she never forgot The fraulein was kneeling beside the window and even the cold moonlight could not chill or hide the wonderful brightness of her face She was a plain ordinary little woman but her face was absolutely transformed there was something so beautiful and yet so unusual in her expression that Erica could not speak or move but lay watching her almost breathlessly The spiritual world about which they had been speaking must be very real indeed to Thekla Sonnenthal Was it possible that this was the work of delusion While she mused her friend rose came straight to her bedside and bent over her with a look of such love and tenderness that Erica though not generally demonstrative could not resist throwing her arms round her neck
Dear Sunnyvale You look just like your name she exclaimed all brightness and humility What have you been doing to grow so like Murillos Madonna
I thought you were asleep said the fraulein Good night Herzolattchen or rather good morning for the Easter day has begun
Perhaps Erica liked her all the better for saying nothing more definite but in the ordinary sense of the word she did not have a good night for long after Thekla Sonnenthal was asleep and dreaming of her German home Luke Raeburns daughter lay awake thinking of the faith which to some was such an intense reality Had there been anything excited or unreal about her companions manner she would not have thought twice about it but her tranquillity and sweetness seemed to her very remarkable Moreover Fraulein Sonnenthal was strangely devoid of imagination she was a matteroffact little person not at all a likely subject for visions and delusions Erica was perplexed Once more there came to her that uncomfortable question Supposing Christianity were true
The moonlight paled and the Easter morn broke and still she tossed to and fro haunted by doubts which would not let her sleep But by and by she returned to the one thing which was absolutely certain namely that her German friend was lovable and to be loved whatever her creed
And since Ericas love was of the practical order it prompted her to get up early dress noiselessly and steal out of the room without waking her companion then with all the church bells ringing and the devout citizens hurrying to mass she ran to the nearest flower stall spent one of her very few halffrancs on the loveliest white rose to be had and carried it back as an Easter offering to the fraulein
It was fortunate in every way that Erica had the little German lady for her friend for she would often have fared badly without some one to nurse and befriend her
She was very delicate and worked far too hard for besides all her work in the school she was preparing for an English examination which she had set her heart on trying as soon as she went home Had it not been for Fraulein Sonnenthal she would more than once have thoroughly overworked herself and indeed as it was the strain of that two years told severely on her strength
But the time wore on rapidly as very fully occupied time always does and Ericas list of days grew shorter and shorter and the letters from her mother were more and more full of plans for the life they would lead when she came home The two years would actually end in January Erica was however to stay in Paris till the following Easter partly to oblige Mme Lemercier partly because by that time her father hoped to be in a great measure free from his embarrassments able once more to make a home for her
CHAPTER VII What the New Year Brought
A voice grows with the growing years
Earth hushing down her bitter cry
Looks upward from her graves and hears
The Resurrection and the Life am I
O love Divine—whose constant beam
Shines on the eyes that will not see
And waits to bless us while we dream
Thou leavest us because we turn from Thee
Nor bounds nor clime nor creed Thou knowst
Wide as our need Thy favors fall
The white wings of the Holy Ghost
Stoop seen or unseen oer the heads of all Whittier
It was the eve of the new year and great excitement prevailed in the Lemerciers house Many of the girls whose homes were at a distance had remained at school for the short winter holiday and on this particular afternoon a number of them were clustered round the stove talking about the festivities of the morrow and the presents they were likely to have
Erica who was now a tall and very pretty girl of eighteen was sitting on the hearth rug with Ninette on her lap she was in very high spirits and kept the little group in perpetual laughter so much so indeed that Fraulein Sonnenthal had more than once been obliged to interfere and do her best to quiet them
How wild thou art dear Erica she exclaimed What is it
I am happy that is all said Erica You would be happy if the year of freedom were just dawning for you Three months more and I shall be home
She was like a child in her exultant happiness far more childlike indeed than the grave little Ninette whom she was nursing
Thou art not dignified enough for a teacher said the fraulein laughingly
She is no teacher cried the girls It is holiday time and she need not talk that frightful English
Erica made a laughing defense of her native tongue and such a babel ensued that the fraulein had to interfere again
Liebe Erica Thou art beside thyself What has come to thee
Only joy dear Thekla at the thought of the beautiful new year which is coming cried Erica Father would say I was fey and should pay for all this fun with a bad headache or some misfortune Come give me the French David Copperfield and let me read you how Barkis Veut Bien and Mrs Gummidge a Pense de lAncien
The reading was more exquisitely ludicrous to Erica herself than to her hearers Still the wit of Charles Dickens even when translated called forth peals of laughter from the French girls too It was the brightest happiest little group imaginable perhaps it was scarcely wonderful that old Mme Lemercier when she came to break it up should find her eyes dim with tears
My dear Erica— she said and broke off abruptly
Erica looked up with laughing eyes
Dont scold dear madame she said coaxingly We have been very noisy but it is New years eve and we are so happy
Dear child it is not that said madame I want to speak to you for a minute come with me cherie
Still Erica noticed nothing did not detect the tone of pity did not wonder at the terms of endearment which were generally reserved for more private use She followed madame into the hall still chattering gayly
The David Copperfield is for monsieurs present tomorrow she said laughingly I knew he was too lazy to read it in English so I got him a translation
My dear said madame taking her hand try to be quiet a moment I—I have something to tell you My poor little one monsieur your father is arrived—
Father Father here exclaimed Erica in a transport of delight Where is he where Oh madame why didnt you tell me sooner
Mme Lemercier tried in vain to detain her as with cheeks all glowing with happiness and dancing eyes she ran at full speed to the salon
Father she cried throwing open the door and running to meet him Then suddenly she stood quite still as if petrified
Beside the crackling wood fire his arms on the chimney piece his face hidden stood a grayhaired man He raised himself as she spoke His news was in his face it was written all too plainly there
Father gasped Erica in a voice which seemed altogether different from the first exclamation almost as if it belonged to a different person
Raeburn took her in his arms
My child—my poor little Eric he said
She did not speak a word but clung to him as though to keep herself from falling In one instant it seemed as though her whole world had been wrecked her life shattered She could not even realize that her father was still left to her except in so far as the mere bodily support was concerned He was strong she clung to him as in a hurricane she would have clung to a rock
Say it she gasped after a timeless silence perhaps of minutes perhaps of hours it might have been centuries for aught she knew Say it in words
She wanted to know everything wanted to reduce this huge overwhelming sorrow to something intelligible Surely in words it would not be so awful—so limitless
And he said it speaking in a low repressed voice yet very tenderly as if she had been a little child She made a great effort to listen but the sentences only came to her disjointedly and as if from a great distance It had been very sudden—a two hours illness no very great suffering He had been lecturing at Birmingham—had been telegraphed for—had been too late
Erica made a desperate effort to realize it all at last she brought down the measureless agony to actual words repeating them over and over to herself—Mother is dead
At length she had grasped the idea Her heart seemed to die within her a strange blue shade passed over her face her limbs stiffened She felt her father carry her to the window was perfectly conscious of everything watched as in a dream while he wrenched open the clumsy fastening of the casement heard the voices in the street below heard too in the distance the sound of church bells was vaguely conscious of relief as the cold air blew upon her
She was lying on a couch and if left to herself might have lain there for hours in that strange state of absolute prostration But she was not alone and gradually she realized it Very slowly the rebeginning of life set in the consciousness of her fathers presence awakened her as it were from her dream of unmitigated pain She sat up put her arms round his neck and kissed him then for a minute let her aching head rest on his shoulder Presently in a low but steady voice she said What would you like me to do father
To come home with me now if you are able he said tomorrow morning though if you would rather wait dear
But the idea of waiting seemed intolerable to her The very sound of the word was hateful Had she not waited two weary years and this was the end of it all Any action any present doing however painful but no more waiting No terrible pause in which more thoughts and therefore more pain might grow Outside in the passage they met Mme Lemercier and presently Erica found herself surrounded by kind helpers wondering to find them all so tearful when her own eyes felt so hot and dry They were very good to her but separated from her father her sorrow again completely overwhelmed her she could not then feel the slightest gratitude to them or the slightest comfort from their sympathy She lay motionless on her little white bed her eyes fixed on the wooden cross on the opposite wall or from time to time glancing at Fraulein Sonnenthal who with little Ninette to help was busily packing her trunk And all the while she said again and again the words which summed up her sorrow Mother is dead Mother is dead
After a time her eyes fell on her elaborately drawn paper of days Every evening since her first arrival she had gone through the almost religious ceremony of marking off the day it had often been a great consolation to her The paper was much worn the weeks and days yet to be marked were few in number She looked at it now and if there can be a more to absolute grief an additional pang to unmitigated sorrow it came to her at the sight of that visible record of her long exile She snatched down the paper and tore it to pieces then sunk back again pale and breathless Fraulein Sonnenthal saw and understood She came to her and kissed her
Herzbluttchen she said almost in a whisper and after a moments pause Ein feste Burg ist unser Gott
Erica made an impatient gesture and turned away her head
Why does she choose this time of all others to tell me so she thought to herself Now when I cant argue or even think A sure tower Could a delusion make one feel that anything is sure but death at such a time as this Everything is gone—or going Mother is dead—mother is dead Yet she meant to be kind poor Thekla she didnt know it would hurt
Mme Lemercier came into the room with a cup of coffee and a brioche
You have a long journey before you my little one she said you must take this before you start
Yes there was the journey that was a comfort There was something to be done something hard and tiring—surely it would blunt her perceptions She started up with a strange sort of energy put on her hat and cloak swallowed the food with an effort helped to lock her trunk moved rapidly about the room looking for any chance possession which might have been left out There was such terrible anguish in her tearless eyes that little Ninette shrunk away from her in alarm Mme Lemercier who in the time of the siege had seen great suffering had never seen anything like this even Thekla Sonnenthal realized that for the time she was beyond the reach of human comfort
Before long the farewells were over Erica was once more alone with her father her cheeks wet with the tears of others her own eyes still hot and dry They were to catch the four oclock train the afternoon was dark and already the streets and shops were lighted Paris ever bright and gay seemed tonight brighter and gayer than ever She watched the placidlooking passengers the idle loungers at the cafes did they know what pain was Did they know that death was sure Presently she found herself in a secondclass carriage wedged in between her father and a heavyfeatured priest who diligently read a little dogseared breviary Opposite was a meek weaselfaced bourgeois with a managing wife who ordered him about then came a bushywhiskered Englishman and a newly married couple while in the further corner nearly hidden from view by the burly priest lurked a gentlelooking Sister of Mercy and a mischievous and fidgety school boy She watched them all as in a dream of pain Presently the priest left off muttering and began to snore and sleep fell too upon the occupants of the opposite seat The little weaselfaced man looked most uncomfortable for the Englishman used him as a prop on one side and the managing wife nearly overwhelmed him on the other he slept fitfully and always with the air of a martyr waking up every few minutes and vainly trying to shake off his burdens who invariably made stifled exclamations and sunk back again
That would have been funny once thought Erica to herself How I should have laughed Shall I always be like this all the rest of my life seeing what is ludicrous yet with all the fun taken out of it
But her brain reeled at the thought of the rest of life The blank of bereavement terrible to all was absolute and eternal to her and this was her first great sorrow She had known pain and privation and trouble and anxiety but actual anguish never Now it had come to her suddenly irrevocably never to be either more or less perhaps to be fitted on as a garment as time wore on and to become a natural part of her life but always to be the same a blank often felt always present till at length her end came and she too passed away into the great Silence
Despair—the deprivation of all hope—is sometimes wild but oftener calm with a deathly calmness Erica was absolutely still—she scarcely moved or spoke during the long weary journey to Calais Twice only did she feel the slightest desire for any outward vent At the Amiens station the school boy in the corner who had been growing more restless and excited every hour sprung from the carriage to greet a small crowd of relations who were waiting to welcome him She saw him rush to his mother heard a confused affectionate babel of inquiries congratulations laughter Oh To think of that happy lightheartedness and the contrast between it and her grief The laughter seemed positively to cut her she could have screamed from sheer pain And as if cruel contrasts were fated to confront her no sooner had her father established her in the cabin on board the steamer than two bright looking English girls settled themselves close by and began chatting merrily about the new year and the novel beginning it would be on board a Channel steamer Erica tried to stop her ears that she might not hear the discussion of all the forthcoming gayeties Lady Reedhams dance on Thursday our own you know next week etc etc But she could not shut out the sound of the merry voices or that wounding laughter
Presently an exclamation made her look and listen
Hark said one of her fellow passengers We shall start now I hear the clock striking twelve A happy new year to you Lily and all possible good fortune
Happy new year echoed from different corners of the cabin the little Sister of Mercy knelt down and told her beads the rest of the passengers talked congratulated laughed Erica would have given worlds to be able to cry but she could not The terrible mockery of her surroundings was too great however to be borne her heart seemed like ice her head like fire with a sort of feverish strength she rushed out of the cabin stumbled up the companion and ran as if by instinct to that part of the deck where a tall solitary figure stood up darkly in the dim light
Its too cold for you my child said Raeburn turning round at her approach
Oh father let me stay with you sobbed Erica I cant bear it alone
Perhaps he was glad to have her near him for his own sake perhaps he recognized the truth to which she unconsciously testified that human nature does at times cry out for something other than self stronger and higher
He raised no more objections they listened in silence till the sound of the church bells died away in the distance and then he found a more sheltered seat and wrapped her up closely in his own plaid and together they began their new year The first lull in Ericas pain came in that midnight crossing the heaving of the boat the angry dashing of the waves the foamladen wind all seemed to relieve her Above all there was comfort in the strong protecting arm round her Yet she was too crushed and numb to be able to wish for anything but that the end might come for her there that together they might sink down into the painless silence of death
Raeburn only spoke once throughout the passage instinctively he knew what was passing in Ericas mind He spoke the only word of comfort which he had to speak a noble one though just then very insufficient
There is work to be done
Then came the dreary landing in the middle of the dark winters night and presently they were again in a railway carriage but this time alone Raeburn made her lie down and himself fell asleep in the opposite corner he had been traveling uninterruptedly for twenty hours had received a shock which had tried him very greatly now from sheer exhaustion he slept But Erica to whom the grief was more new could not sleep Every minute the pain of realization grew keener Here she was in England once more this was the journey she had so often thought of and planned This was going home Oh the dreariness of the reality when compared with those bright expectations And yet it was neither this thought nor the actual fact of her mothers death which first brought the tears to her burning eyes
Wearily shifting her position she looked across to the other side of the carriage and saw as if in a picture her father Raeburn was a comparatively young man very little over forty but his anxieties and the almost incredible amount of hard work of the past two years had told upon him and had turned his hair gray There was something in his stern set face in the strong mans reserved grief in the pose of his grandlooking head dignified even in exhaustion that was strangely pathetic Erica scarcely seemed to realize that he was her father It was more as if she were gazing at some scene on the stage or on a wonderfully graphic and heartstirring picture The pathos and sadness of it took hold of her she burst into a passion of tears turned her face from the light and cried as if no power on earth could ever stop her her longdrawn sobs allowed to go unchecked since the noise of the train made them inaudible She was so little given to tears as a rule that now they positively frightened her nor could she understand how with a real and terrible grief for which she could not weep the mere pathetic sight should have brought down her tears like rain But the outburst brought relief with it for it left her so exhausted that for a brief half hour she slept and awoke just before they reached London with such a frightful headache that the physical pain numbed the mental
How soon shall we be— home she would have said but the word choked her How soon shall we get there she asked faintly She was so ill so weary that the mere thought of being still again—even in the deathvisited home—was a relief and she was really too much worn out to feel very acutely while they drove through the familiar streets
At last early in the cold new years morning they were set down in Guilford Square at the grim entrance to Persecution Alley She looked round at the gray old houses with a shudder then her father drew her arm within his and led her down the dreary little culdesac There was the house looking the same as ever and there was Aunt Jean coming forward to meet them with a strange new tenderness in her voice and look and there was Tom in the background seeming half shy and afraid to meet her in her grief and there above all was the one great eternal void
To watch beside the dying must be anguish and yet surely not such keen anguish as to have missed the last moments the last farewells the last chance of serving For those who have to come back to the empty house the home which never can be home again may God comfort them—no one else can
Stillness and food and brief snatches of sleep somewhat restored
Erica Late in the afternoon she was strong enough to go into her
mothers room for that last look so inexpressibly painful to all so
entirely void of hope or comfort to those who believe in no hereafter
Not even the peacefulness of death was there to give even a slight a
momentary relief to her pain she scarcely even recognized her mother
Was that indeed all that was left That pale rigid utterly changed
face and form Was that her mother Could that once have been her
mother Very often had she heard this great change wrought by death
referred to in discussions she knew well the arguments which were
brought forward by the believers in immortality the counter arguments
with which her father invariably met them and which had always seemed
to her conclusive But somehow that which seemed satisfactory in the
lecture hall did not answer in the room of death Her whole being seemed
to flow out into one longing question Might there not be a Beyond—an
Unseen Was this world indeed only
A place to stand and love in for an hour
With darkness and the deathhour rounding it
She had slept in the afternoon but at night when all was still she could not sleep The question still lurked in her mind her sorrow and loneliness grew almost unbearable She thought if she could only make herself cry again perhaps she might sleep and she took down a book about Giordano Bruno and read the account of his martyrdom an account which always moved her very much But tonight not even the description of the valiant unshrinking martyr of Freethought ascending the scaffold to meet his doom could in the slightest degree affect her She tried another book this time Dickenss Tale of Two Cities She had never read the last two chapters without feeling a great desire to cry but tonight she read with perfect unconcern of Sydney Cartons wanderings through Paris on the night before he gave himself up—read the last marvelously written scene without the slightest emotion It was evidently no use to try anything else she shut the book put out her candle and once more lay down in the dark
Then she began to think of the words which had so persistently haunted Sydney Carton I am the Resurrection and the Life She too seemed to be wandering about the Parisian streets hearing these words over and over again She knew that it was Jesus of Nazareth who had said this What an assertion it was for a man to make It was not even I BRING the resurrection or I GIVE the resurrection but I AM the Resurrection And yet according to her father his humility had been excessive carried almost to a fault Was he the most inconsistent man that ever lived or what was he At last she thought she would get up and see whether there was any qualifying context and when and where he had uttered this tremendous saying
Lighting her candle she crept a little shivering whiterobed figure round the booklined room scanning the titles on every shelf but bibles were too much in use in that house to be relegated to the attics she found only the least interesting and least serviceable of her fathers books There was nothing for it but to go down to the study so wrapping herself up for it was a freezing winters night she went noiselessly downstairs and soon found every possible facility for Biblical research
A little baffled and even disappointed to find the words in that which she regarded as the least authentic of the gospels she still resolved to read the account she read it indeed in two or three translations and compared each closely with the others but in all the words stood out in uncompromising greatness of assertion This man claimed to BE the resurrection of as Wyclif had it the agen risying and lyf
And then poor Erica read on to the end of the story and was quite thrown back upon herself by the account of the miracle which followed It was a beautiful story she said to herself poetically written graphically described but as to believing it to be true she could as soon have accepted the Midsummer Nights Dream as having actually taken place
Shivering with cold she put the books back on their shelf and stole upstairs once more to bear her comfortless sorrow as best she could
CHAPTER VIII Why Do You Believe It
Then the round of weary duties cold and formal came to
meet her With the life within departed that had given them
each a soul And her sick heart even slighted gentle words
that came to greet her For grief spread its shadowy pinions
like a blight upon the whole A A Proctor
The winter sunshine which glanced in a sidelong halfandhalf way into Persecution Alley and struggled in at the closed blinds of Ericas little attic streamed unchecked into a far more cheerful room in Guilford Square and illumined a breakfast table at which was seated one occupant only apparently making a late and rather hasty meal He was a man of about eightandtwenty and though he was not absolutely goodlooking his face was one which people turned to look at again not so much because it was in any way striking as far as features went but because of an unusual luminousness which pervaded it The eyes which were dark gray were peculiarly expressive and their softness which might to some have seemed a trifle unmasculine was counterbalanced by the straight dark noticeable eyebrows as well as by a thoroughly manly bearing and a general impression of unfailing energy which characterized the whole man His hair short beard and mustache were of a deep nutbrown He was of medium height and very muscular looking
On the whole it was as pleasant a face as you would often meet with and it was not to be wondered at that his old grandmother looked up pretty frequently from her arm chair by the fire and watched him with that beautiful loving pride which in the aged never seems exaggerated and very rarely misplaced
You were out very late were you not Brian she observed letting her knitting needles rest for a minute and scrutinizing the rather wearylooking man
Till halfpast five this morning he replied in a somewhat preoccupied voice
There was a sad look in his eyes too which his grandmother partly understood She knitted another round of her sock and then said
Have you seen Tom Craigie yet
Yes last night I came across him replied Brian He told me she had come home They traveled by night and got in early yesterday morning
Poor little thing sighed old Mrs Osmond What a homecoming it must have been
Grannie said Brian pushing back his chair and drawing nearer to the fire I want you to tell me what I ought to do I have a message to her from her mother there was no one else to take it you know except the landlady and I suppose she did not like that I want to know when I might see her one has no right to keep it back and yet how am I to know whether she is fit to bear it I cant write it down it wont somehow go on to paper yet I can hardly ask to see her
We cannot tell that the message might not comfort her said Mrs Osmond Then after a few minutes thought she added I think Brian if I were you I would write her a little note tell her why you want to see her and let her fix her own time You will leave it entirely in her own hands in that way
He mused for a minute seemed satisfied with the suggestion and moving across to the writing table began his first letter to his love Apparently it was hard to write for he wasted several sheets and much time that he could ill afford When it was at length finished it ran as follows
Dear Miss Raeburn—I hardly like to ask to see you yet for fear you should think me intrusive but a message was entrusted to me on Tuesday night which I dare not of myself keep back from you Will you see me If you are able to and will name the time which will suit you best I shall be very grateful Forgive me for troubling you and believe me Yours faithfully Brian Osmond
He sent it off a little doubtfully by no means satisfied that he had done a wise thing But when he returned from his rounds later in the day the reply set his fears at rest
It was written lengthways across a sheet of paper the small delicate writing was full of character but betrayed great physical exhaustion
It is good of you to think of us Please come this afternoon if you are able Erica
That very afternoon Now that his wish was granted now that he was indeed to see her Brian would have given worlds to have postponed the meeting He was well accustomed to visiting sorrowstricken people but from meeting such sorrow as that in the Raeburns house he shrunk back feeling his insufficiency Besides what words were delicate enough to convey all that had passed in that death scene How could he dare to attempt in speech all that the dying mother would fain have had conveyed to her child And then his own love Would not that be the greatest difficulty of all Feeling her grief as he did could he yet modify his manner to suit that of a mere outsider—almost a stranger He was very diffident though longing to see Erica he would yet have given anything to be able to transfer his work to his father This however was of course impossible
Strange though it might seem he—the most unsuitable of all men in his own eyes—was the man singled out to bear this message to go to the deathvisited household He went about his afternoon work in a sort of steady mechanical manner the outward veil of his inward agitation About four oclock he was free to go to Guilford Terrace
He was shown into the little sitting room it was the room in which Mrs Raeburn had died and the mere sight of the outer surroundings the wellworn furniture the booklined walls made the whole scene vividly present to him The room was empty there was a blazing fire but no other light for the blinds were down and even the winter twilight shut out Brian sat down and waited Presently the door opened he looked up and saw Erica approaching him She was taller than she had been when he last saw her and now grief had given her a peculiar dignity which made her much more like her father Every shade of color had left her face her eyes wee full of a limitless pain the eyelids were slightly reddened but apparently rather from sleeplessness than from tears the whole face was so altered that a mere casual acquaintance would hardly have recognized it except by the unchanged waves of short auburn hair which still formed the setting as it were to a picture lovely even now Only one thing was unchanged and that was the frank unconventional manner Even in her grief she could not be quite like other people
It is very good of you to let me see you said Brian you are sure you are doing right it will not be too much for you today
There is no great difference in says I think said Erica sitting down on a low chair beside the fire I do not very much believe in degrees in this kind of grief I do not see why it should be ever more or ever less Perhaps I am wrong it is all new to me
She spoke in a slow steady lowtoned voice There was an absolute hopelessness about her whole aspect which was terrible to see A moments pause followed then looking up at Brian she fancied that she read in his face something of hesitation of a consciousness that he could ill express what he wished to say and her innate courtesy made her even now hasten to relieve him
Dont be afraid of speaking she said a softer light coming into her eyes I dont know why people shrink from meeting trouble Even Tom is half afraid of me I am not changed I am still Erica cant you understand how much I want every one now
People differ so much said Brian a little huskily and then when one feels strongly words do not come easily
Do you think I would not rather have your sympathy than an oration from any one else You who were here to the end You who did everything for—for her My father has told me very little he was not able to but he told me of you how helpful you were how good not like an outsider at all
Evidently she clung to the comforting recollection that at least one trustable sympathetic person had been with her mother at the last Brian could only say how little he had done how much more he would fain have done had it been possible
I think you do comfort me by talking said Erica And now I want you if you dont mind to tell me all from the very first I cant torture my father by asking him and I couldnt hear it from the landlady But you were here you can tell me all Dont be afraid of hurting me cant you understand if the past were the only thing left to you you would want to know every tiniest detail
He looked searchingly into her eyes he thought she was right There were no degrees to pain like hers Besides it was quite possible that the lesser details of her mothers death might bring tears which would relieve her Very quietly very reverently he told her all that had passed—she already knew that her mother had died from aneurism of the heart—he told her how in the evening he had been summoned to her and from the first had known that it was hopeless had been obliged to tell her that the time for speech even was but short He had ordered a telegram to be sent to her father at Birmingham but Mrs Craigie and Tom were out for the evening and no one knew where they were to be found He and the landlady had been alone
She spoke constantly of you he continued The very last words she said were these Tell Erica that only love can keep from bitterness that love is stronger than the worlds unkindness Then after a minutes pause she added Be good to my little girl promise to be good to her After that speech became impossible but I do not think she suffered Once she motioned to me to give her the frame off the mantlepiece with your photograph she looked at it and kept it near her—she died with it in her hand
Erica hid her face that one trifling little incident was too much for her the tears rained down between her fingers That it should have come to that No one whom she loved there at the last—but she had looked at the photograph had held it to the very end the voiceless useless picture had been there the real Erica had been laughing and talking at Paris Brian talked on slowly soothingly Presently he paused then Erica suddenly looked up and dashing away her tears said in a voice which was terrible in its mingled pain and indignation
I might have been here I might have been with her It is the fault of that wretched man who went bankrupt the fault of the bigots who will not treat us fairly—who ruin us
She sobbed with passionate pain a vivid streak of crimson dyed her cheek contrasting strangely with the deathly whiteness of her brow
Forgive me if I pain you said Brian but have you forgotten the message I gave you It is only love that can keep from bitterness
Love cried Erica she could have screamed it if she had not been so physically exhausted Do you mean I am to love our enemies
It is only the love of all humanity that can keep from bitterness said Brian
Erica began to think over his reply and in thinking grew calm once more By and by she lifted up her face it was pale again now and still and perfectly hopeless
I suppose you think that only Christians can love all humanity she said a little coldly
I should call all true lovers of humanity Christians replied Brian whether they are consciously followers of Christ or not
She thought a little then with a curiously hard look in her face she suddenly flashed round upon him with a question much as her father was in the habit of doing when an adversary had made some broadhearted statement which had baffled him
Some of you give us a little more charity than others but what do you mean by Christianity You ask us to believe what is incredible WHY do you believe in the resurrection What reason have you for thinking it true
She expected him to go into the evidence question to quote the number of Christs appearances to speak of the five hundred witnesses of whom she was weary of hearing Her mind was proof against all this what could be more probable than that a number of devoted followers should be the victims of some optical delusion especially when their minds were disturbed by grief Here was a miracle supported on one side by the testimony of five hundred and odd spectators all longing to see their late Master and contradicted on the other side by common sense and the experience of the remainder of the human race during thousands of years She looked full at Brian a hard yet almost exultant expression in her eyes which spoke more plainly than words her perfect conviction
You cant set your evidences against my counterevidences You cant logically maintain that a few uneducated men are to have more weight than all the united experience of mankind
Never would she so gladly have believed in the doctrine of immortality as now yet with characteristic honesty and resoluteness she set herself into an attitude of rigid defense lest through strong desire or mere bodily weariness she should drift into the acceptance of what might be what indeed she considered to be error But to her surprise half to her disappointment Brian did not even mention the evidences She had braced herself up to withstand arguments drawn from the five hundred brothers but the preparation was useless
I believe in the resurrection said Brian because I cannot doubt Jesus Christ He is the most perfectly lovable and trustable being I know or can conceive of knowing He said He should rise again I believe that He did rise He was perfectly truthful therefore He could not mislead He KNEW therefore He could not be misled
We do not consider Him to be all that you assert said Erica Nor do His followers make one inclined to think that either He or His teaching were so perfect as you try to make out You are not so hardhearted as some of them—
She broke off seeing a look of pain on her companions face Oh what am I saying she cried in a very different tone you who have done so much—you who were always good to us—I did not indeed mean to hurt you it is your creed that I cant help hating not you You are our friend you said so long ago
Always said Brian never doubt that
Then you must forgive me for having wounded you said Erica her whole face softening You must remember how hard it all is and that I am so very very miserable
He would have given his life to bring her comfort but he was not a very great believer in words and besides he thought she had talked quite as long as she ought
I think he said that honestly acted out the message intrusted to me ought to comfort your misery
I cant act it out she said
You will begin to try was Brians answer and then with a very full heart he said goodbye and left his Undine sitting by the fire with her head resting on her hands and the words of her mothers message echoing in her ears It is only love that can keep from bitterness love is stronger than the worlds unkindness
Presently not daring to dwell too much on that last scene which Brian had described she turned to his strange unexpected reason for his belief in the resurrection and mused over the characteristics of his ideal Then she thought she would like to see again what her ideal man had to say about his and she got up and searched for a small book in a limp red cover labeled Life of Jesus of Nazareth—Luke Raeburn It was more than two years since she had seen it she read it through once more The style was vigorous the veiled sarcasms were not unpleasant to her she detected no unfairness in the mode of treatment the book satisfied her the conclusion arrived at seemed to her inevitable—Brian Osmonds ideal was not perfect
With a sigh of utter weariness she shut the book and leaned back in her chair with a still white hopeless face Presently Friskarina sprung up on her knee with a little sympathetic mew she had been too miserable as yet to notice even her favorite cat very much now a scarcely perceptible shade of relief came to her sadness she stroked the soft gray head But scarcely had she spoken to her favorite when the cat suddenly turned away sprung from her knee and trotted out of the room It seemed like actual desertion and Erica could ill bear it just then
What you too Friskie she said to herself are even you glad to keep away from me
She hid her face in her hands desolate and miserable as she had been before she now felt more completely alone
In a few minutes something warm touching her feet made her look up and with one bound Friskarina sprung into her lap carrying in her mouth a young kitten She purred contentedly looking first at her child and then at her mistress saying as plainly as if she had spoken
Will this comfort you
Erica stroked and kissed both cat and kitten and for the first time since her trouble a feeling of warmth came to her frozen heart
CHAPTER IX Rose
A life of unalloyed content
A life like that of landlocked seas
J R Lowell
Elspeth you really must tell me Im dying of curiosity and I can see by your face you know all about it How is it that grandpapas name is in the papers when he has been dead all these years I tell you I saw it a little paragraph in todays paper headed Mr Luke Raeburn Is this another namesake who has something to do with him
The speaker was a tall brightlooking girl of eighteen a blueeyed flaxenhaired blond with a saucy little mouth about which there now lurked an expression of undisguised curiosity Rose for that was her name was something of a coax and all her life long she had managed to get her own way she was an only child and had been not a little spoiled but in spite of many faults she was lovable and beneath her outer shell of vanity and selfsatisfaction there lay a sterling little heart
Her companion Elspeth was a wrinkled old woman whose smooth gray hair was almost hidden by a huge mobcap which in defiance of modern custom she wore tied under her chin She had nursed Rose and her mother before her and had now become more like a family friend than a servant
Miss Rose she replied looking up from her work if you go on chattermagging away like this therell be no frock ready for you tonight and with a most uncommunicative air the old woman turned away and gave a little impressive shake to the billowy mass of white tarletan to which she was putting the finishing touches
The white lilies just at the side said Rose her attention diverted for a moment Wont it be lovely The prettiest dress in the room Im sure Then her curiosity returning But Elspeth I shant enjoy the dance a bit unless you tell me what Mr Luke Raeburn has to do with us Listen and Ill tell you how I found out Papa brought the paper up to Mamma and said Did you see this And then mamma read it and the color came all over her face and she did not say a word but went out of the room pretty soon And then I took up the paper and looked at the page she had been reading and saw grandpapas name
What was it about asked old Elspeth
Thats just what I couldnt understand it was all about secularists What are secularists But it seems that this Luke Raeburn whoever he is has lost his wife While he was lecturing at Birmingham on the soul it is said his wife died and this paragraph said it seemed like a judgment which was rather cool I think
Poor laddie signed old Elspeth
Elspeth cried Rose do you know who the man is
Miss Rose said the old woman severely in my young days there was a saying that youd do well to lay to heart Ask no questions and youll be told no stories
It isnt your young days now its your old days Elsie said the imperturbable Rose I will ask you questions as much as I please and youll tell me what this mystery means theres a dear old nurse Have I not a right to know about my own relations
Oh bairn bairn If it were anything youd like to hear but why should you know what is all sad and gloomful No no go to your balls and think of your fine dresses and gran partners though for the matter of that it is but vanity of vanities—
Oh if youre going to quote Ecclesiastes I shall go said Rose pouting I wish that book wasnt in the Bible Im sure such an old grumbler ought to have been in the Apocrypha
Elspeth shook her head and muttered something about judgment and trouble Rose began to be doubly curious
Trouble sadness a mystery—perhaps a tragedy Rose had read of such things in books were there such things actually in the family and she had never known of them A few hours ago and she had been unable to think of anything but her first ball her new dress her flowers but she was seized now with the most intense desire to fathom this mystery That it bid fair to be a sad mystery only made her more eager and curious She was so young so ignorant there was still a halo of romance about those unknown things trouble and sadness
Elspeth you treat me like a child she exclaimed its really too bad of you
Maybe youre right bairn said the old nurse but its no doing of mine But look here Miss Rose you be persuaded by me go straight to your mamma and ask her yourself Maybe there is a doubt whether you oughtnt to know but there is no doubt that I mustnt tell you
Rose hesitated but presently her curiosity overpowered her reluctance
Mrs FaneSmith or as she had been called in her maiden days Isabel Raeburn was remarkably like her daughter in so far as features and coloring were concerned but she was exceedingly unlike her in character for whereas Rose was vain and selfconfident and had a decided will of her own her mother was diffident and exaggeratedly humble She was a kindhearted and a good woman but she was in danger of harassing herself with the question What will people say
She looked up apprehensively as her daughter came into the room Rose felt sure she had been crying her curiosity was still further stimulated and with all the persuasiveness at her command she urged her mother to tell her the meaning of the mysterious paragraph
I am sorry you have asked me said Mrs FaneSmith but perhaps since you are no longer a child you had better know It is a sad story however Rose and I should not have chosen to tell it to you today of all days
But I want to hear mamma said Rose decidedly Please begin Who is this Mr Raeburn
He is my brother said Mrs FaneSmith with a little quiver in her voice
Your brother My uncle cried Rose in amazement
Luke was the oldest of us said Mrs FaneSmith then came Jean and I was the youngest of all at least of those who lived
Then I have an aunt too an Aunt Jean exclaimed Rose
You shall hear the whole story replied her mother She thought for a minute then in rather a low voice she began Luke and Jean were always the clever ones Luke especially your grandfather had set his heart on his being a clergyman and you can fancy the grief it was to us when he threw up the whole idea and declared that he could never take Orders He was only nineteen when he renounced religion altogether he and my father had a great dispute and the end of it was that Luke was sent away from home and I never have seen him since He has become a very notorious infidel lecturer Jean was very much unsettled by his change of views and I believe her real reason for marrying old Mr Craigie was that she had made him promise to let her see Luke again She married young and settled down in London and when in a few years her husband died she too renounced Christianity
To tell the truth Rose was not deeply interested in the story it fell a little flat after her expectations of a tragedy It had moreover a sort of missionary flavor and she had till the last few months lived in India and had grown heartily tired of the details of mission work in which both her father and mother had been interested Conversions relapses heathenism belief and unbelief were words which had sounded so often in her ears that now they bored her as they were the merest words to her it could hardly be otherwise But Roses best point was her loyalty to her own family she had the clan feeling very strongly and she could not understand how her mother could have allowed such a complete estrangement to grow up between her and her nearest relations
Mamma she said quickly I should have gone to see Uncle Luke if I had been you
It is impossible dear replied Mrs FaneSmith Your father would not allow it for one thing and then only think what people would say This is partly my reason for telling you Rose I want to put you upon your guard We heard little or nothing of your uncle when we were in India but you will find it very different here He is one of the most notorious men in England you must never mention his name never allude to him do you understand me
Is he then so wicked
My dear consider what his teaching is that is sufficient I would not for the whole world allow our Greyshot friends to guess that we are connected with him in any way It might ruin all your prospects in life
Mamma said Rose I dont think Mr Raeburn will injure my prospects—of course you mean prospects of marrying If a man didnt care enough for me to take me whether I am the niece of the worst man in England or not do you think I would accept him
There was an angry ring in her voice as she spoke her little saucy mouth looked almost grand After a moments pause she added more quietly but with all the force of the true womans heart which lay hidden beneath her silliness and frivolity Besides mamma is it quite honest
We are not bound to publish our family history to the world Rose If any one asked me of course I should tell the truth if there was any way of helping my brother or his child I would gladly serve them even though the world would look coldly on me for doing so but while they remain atheists how is it possible
Then he has a child
One only I believe a girl of about your own age
Oh mamma how I should like to know her
My dear Rose how can you speak of such a thing You dont realize that she is an atheist has not even been baptized poor little thing
But she is my cousin and she is a girl just like me said Rose I should like to know her very much I wonder whether she has come out yet I wonder how she enjoyed her first ball
My dear They are not in society
How dull What does she do all day I wonder
I cannot tell I wish you would not talk about her Rose I should not wish you even to think about her except indeed to mention her in your prayers
Oh Id much rather have her here to stay said Rose with a little mischievous gleam in her eyes
Rose
Why mamma if she were a black unbeliever you would be delighted to have her it is only because she is white that you wont have anything to do with her You would have been as pleased as possible if I had made friends with any of the ladies in the Zenanas
Mrs FaneSmith looked uncomfortable and murmured that that was a very different question Rose seeing her advantage made haste to follow it up
At any rate mamma you will write to Uncle Luke now that he is in trouble and youll let me send a note to his daughter Only think mamma she has lost her mother so suddenly Just think how wretched she must be Oh mamma dear I cant think how she can bear it and Rose threw her arms round her mothers neck I should die too if you were to die Im sure I should
Rose was very persuasive Mrs FaneSmiths motherly heart was touched she sat down there and then and for the first time since the summer day when Luke Raeburn had been turned out of his fathers house she wrote to her brother Rose in the meantime had taken a piece of paper from her mothers writing desk and with a fat volume of sermons by way of a desk was scribbling away as fast as she could This was her letter
My dear cousin—I dont know your name and have only just heard anything about you and the first thing I heard was that you were in dreadful trouble I only write to send you my love and to say how very sorry I am for you We only came to England in the autumn I like it very much I am going to my first ball tonight and expect to enjoy it immensely My dress is to be white tarle—Oh dear How horrid of me to be writing like this to you Please forgive me I dont like to be so happy when you are unhappy but you see I have only just heard of you so it is a little difficult With love I remain your affectionate cousin Rose FaneSmith
That evening while Erica with eyes dim with grief and weariness was poring over the books in her fathers study Rose was being initiated into all the delights of the ballroom She was in her glory Everything was new to her she enjoyed dancing she knew that she looked pretty knew that her dress was charming knew that she was much admired and of course she liked it all But the chaperons shook their heads it was whispered that Miss FaneSmith was a terrible flirt she had danced no less than seven dances with Captain Golightly If her mother erred by thinking too much of what people said perhaps Rose erred in exactly the opposite way at any rate she managed to call down upon her silly but innocent little head an immense amount of blame from the mothers and elderly ladies
A glorious moonlight night said Captain Golightly What do you say Miss FaneSmith Shall we take a turn in the garden Or are you afraid of the cold
Afraid Oh dear no said Rose its the very thing I should enjoy I suppose I must get my shawl though it is upstairs
They were in the vestibule
Have my ulster said Captain Golightly Here it is just handy and it will keep you much warmer
Rose laughed and blushed and allowed herself to be put into her partners coat rather to the detriment of her billowy tarletan After a while they came back again from the dim garden to the brightly lighted vestibule and as ill luck would have it chanced to encounter a stream of people going into the supper room Every one stared at the apparition of Miss FaneSmith in Captain Golightlys coat With some difficulty she struggled out of it and with very hot cheeks sought shelter in the ballroom
How dreadfully they looked Do you think it was wrong of me she half whispered to her partner
Oh dear no Sensible and plucky and everything delightful You are much too charming to be bound down to silly conventionalities Come let us have this dance Im sure you are engaged to some one in the supper room who cant deserve such a delightful partner Let us have this TROIS TEMPS and hurl defiance at the Greyshot chaperons
Rose laughed and allowed herself to be borne off She had been excited before now she was doubly excited and Captain Golightly had the most delicious step imaginable
CHAPTER X Hard at Work
Longing is Gods fresh heavenward will
With our poor earthward striving
We quench it that we may be still
Content with merely living
But would we learn that hearts full scope
Which we are hourly wronging
Our lives must climb from hope to hope
And realize our longing J R Lowell
Perhaps it was only natural that there should be that winter a good deal of communication between the secularists house in Guilford Terrace and the clergymans house in Guilford Square
From the first Raeburn had taken a great fancy to Charles Osmond and now that Brian had become so closely connected with the memory of their sudden bereavement and had made himself almost one of them by his silent unobtrusive sympathy and by his numberless acts of delicate considerateness a tie was necessarily formed which promised to deepen into one of those close friendships that sometimes exist between two entire families
It was a bleak chilly afternoon in March when Charles Osmond returning from a long round of parish work thought he would look in for a few minutes at the Raeburns he had a proposal to make to Erica some fresh work which he thought might interest her He rang the bell at the now familiar door and was admitted it carried him back to the day when he had first called there and had been shown into the firelit room with the booklined walls and the pretty little girl curled up on the rug with her cat and her toasting fork Time had brought many changes since then This evening he was again shown into the study but this time the gas was lighted and there was no little girl upon the hearth rug Erica was sitting at her desk hard at work Her face lighted up at the sight of her visitor
Every one is out except me she said more brightly than he had heard her speak since her return Did you really come to see me How good of you
But you are busy said Charles Osmond glancing at the papers on the desk Press work
Yes my first article said Erica it is just finished but if youll excuse me for one minute I ought to correct it the office boy will call for it directly
Dont hurry I will wait and get warm in the meantime said Charles Osmond establishing himself by the fire
There was a silence broken only by the sound of Ericas pen as she crossed out a word or a line Charles Osmond watched her and mused This beautiful girl whose development he could trace now for more than two years back what would she grow into Already she was writing in the Idol Breaker He regretted it Yet it was obviously the most natural employment for her He looked at her everchanging face She was absorbed in her work her expression varying with the sentences she read now there was a look of triumphant happiness as she came to something which made her heart beat quickly again a shade of dissatisfaction at the consciousness of her inability to express what was in her mind He could not help thinking that it was one of the noblest faces he had ever seen and now that the eyes were downcast it was not so terribly sad there was moreover for the first time since her mothers death a faint tinge of color in her cheeks Before five minutes could have passed the bell rang again
That is my boy she exclaimed and hastily blotting her sheets she rolled them up gave them to the servant closed her desk and crossing the room knelt down in front of the fire to warm her hands which were stiff and chilly
How rude I have been to you she said smiling a little I always have been rude to you since the very first time we met
We were always frank with each other said Charles Osmond I remember you gave me your opinion as to bigots and Christians in the most delightfully open way So you have been writing your first article
Yes and she stretched herself as though she were rather tired and cramped I have had a delicious afternoon Yesterday I was in despair about it but today it just came—I wrote it straight off
And you are satisfied with it
Satisfied Oh no Is anybody ever satisfied By the time it is in print I shall want to alter every sixth line Still I dare say it will say a little of what I want said
Oh you do want something said
Of course she replied a little indignantly If not how could I write
I quite agree with you said Charles Osmond and you mean to take this up as your vocation
If I am thought worthy said Erica coloring a little
I see you have high ideas of the art said Charles Osmond and what is your reason for taking it up
First of all though it sounds rather illogical said Erica I write because I MUST there is something in me which will have its way Then too it is part of our creed that every one should do all in his power to help on the cause and of course if only for my fathers sake it would be my greatest pleasure Then last of all I write because I must earn my living
Good reasons all said Charles Osmond But I dont feel sure that you wont regret having written when you look back several years hence
Oh I dare say it will all seem crude and ridiculous then but one must make a beginning said Erica
And are you sure you have thought out these great questions so thoroughly and fairly that you are capable of teaching others about them
Ah Now I see what you mean exclaimed Erica you think I write in defense of atheism or as an attacker of Christianity I do nothing of the kind father would not allow me to he would not think me old enough Oh No I am only to write the lighter articles which are needed every now and then Today I had a delightful subject—Heroes—what are they
Well and what is your definition of a hero I wonder what are the qualities you think absolutely necessary to make one
I think I have only two absolutely necessary ones said Erica but my heroes must have these two they must have brains and goodness
A tolerably sweeping definition said Charles Osmond laughing almost equal to a friend of mine who wanted a wife and said there were only two things he would stipulate for—1500 a year and an angel But it brings us to another definition you see We shall agree as to the brains but how about goodness What is your definition of that very wide not to say vague term
I dont think I can define it she said but one knows it when one sees it
Do you mean by it unselfishness courage truthfulness or any other virtue
Oh it isnt any one virtue or even a parcel of virtues it will not go into words
It is then the nearest approach to some perfect ideal which is in your mind
I suppose it is she said slowly
How did that ideal come into your mind
I dont know I suppose I got it by inheritance
From the original moneron
You are laughing at me I dont know how of course but I have it which as far as I can see is all that matters
I am not sure of that said Charles Osmond The explanation of that ideal of goodness which more or less clearly exists in all our minds seems to me to rest only in the conviction that all are children of one perfect Father And I can give you our definition of goodness without hesitation it is summed up for us in one word—Christlikeness
I cannot see it it seems to me all exaggerated said Erica I believe it is only because people are educated to believe and predisposed to think it all good and perfect that there are so many Christians You may say it is we who are prejudiced If we are Im sure you Christians have done enough to make us so How could I for instance be anything but an atheist Shall I tell you the very first thing I can remember
Her eyes were flashing with indignant light
I was a little tiny child—only four years old—but there are some scenes one never forgets I can see it all as plainly as possible the room in a hotel the very doll I was playing with There was a great noise in the street trampling hissing hooting I ran to the window an immense crowd was coming nearer and nearer the street was black with the throng they were all shouting and yelling—Down with the infidel Kill the atheist Then I saw my father he was there strong and fearless one man against a thousand I tell you I saw him I can see him now fighting his way on singlehanded not one creature brave enough to stand up for him I saw him pushed struck spit upon stoned At last a great brick struck him on the head I think I must have been too sick or too angry to see any more after that The next thing I remember is lying on the floor sobbing and hearing father come into the room and say Why little son Eric did you think theyd killed me And he picked me up and let me sit on his knee but there was blood on his face and as he kissed me it dropped upon my forehead I tell you you Christians baptized me into atheism in my own fathers blood They were Christians who stoned him champions of religion and they were egged on by the clergy Did I not hear it all then in my babyhood And it is true it is all fact ask anybody you like I have not exaggerated
My dear child I know you have not said Charles Osmond putting his strong hand upon hers He could feel that she was all trembling with indignation Was it to be wondered at I remember those riots perfectly well he continued I think I felt and feel as indignant about them as yourself A fearful mistake was made—Mr Raeburn was shamefully treated But Erica—it was the first time he had called her by her name—you who pride yourself upon fairness you who make justice your watchword must be careful not to let the wrong doing of a few Christians prejudice you against Christianity You say that we are all predisposed to accept Christ but candidly you must allow I think that you are trebly prejudiced against the very name of Christian A Christian almost inevitably means to you only one of your fathers mistaken persecutors
Yes you are so much of an exception that I always forget you are one said Erica smiling a little Yet you are not like one of us—quite—you somehow stand alone you are unlike any one I ever met you and Thekla Sonnenthal and your son make to me a sort of new variety
Charles Osmond laughed and changed the subject You are busy with your examination work I suppose And the question led to a long talk about books and lectures
In truth Erica had plunged into work of all kinds not merely from love of it but because she felt the absolute need of fresh interests the great danger of dwelling unduly on her sorrow Then too she had just grasped a new idea an idea at once noble and inspiriting Hitherto she had thought of a happy future for herself of a home free from troubles and harassing cares That was all over now her golden dream had come to an end Hope dead lives nevermore The life she had pictured to herself could never be but her nature was too strong to be crushed by the sorrow physically the shock had weakened her far more than any one knew but mentally it had been a wonderful stimulant She rose above herself above her trouble and life began to mean something broader and deeper than before
Hitherto her great desire had been to be free from care and to be happy now the one important thing seemed not so much to be happy as to know To learn herself and to help others to learn became her chief object and with all the devotion of an earnest highsouled nature she set herself to act out these convictions She read hard attended lectures and twice a week taught in the night school attached to the Institute
Charles Osmond could not help smiling as she described her days to him She still retained something of the childishness of an Undine and as they talked she had taken up her old position on the hearth rug and Friskarina had crept on to her knee Here undoubtedly was one whom ignorant people would stigmatize as blue or as a femme savante they would of course be quite wrong and inexpressively foolish to use such terms and yet there was perhaps something a little incongruous in the two sides as it were of Ericas nature the keen intellect and the childlike devotion the great love of learning and the intense love of fun and humor Charles Osmond had only once in all his long years of experience met with a character which interested him so much
After all he said when they had talked for some time I have never told you that I came on a begging errand and I half fear that you will be too busy to undertake any more work
Ericas face brightened at the word was not work what she lived for
Oh I am not too busy for anything she exclaimed I shall quote Marcus Aurelius to you if you say I havent time What sort of work
Only when you can to come to us in the afternoon and read a little to my mother Do you think you could Her eyes are failing and Brian and I are hard at work all day I am afraid she is very dull
I should like to come very much said Erica really pleased at the suggestion What sort of books would Mrs Osmond like
Oh anything History travels science or even novels if you are not above reading them
I Of course not said Erica laughing Dont you think we enjoy them as much as other people When there is time to read them at least which isnt often
Charles Osmond laughed
Very well then you have a wide field From Carlyle to Miss Bird and from Ernst Haeckel to Charles Reade I should make them into a big sandwich if I were you
He said goodbye and left Erica still on the hearth rug her face brighter than it had been for months
I like that man she said to herself Hes honest and thorough and good all through Yet how in the world does he make himself believe in his creed Goodness Christlikeness He looked so grand too as he said that It is wonderful what a personal sort of devotion those three have for their ideal
She wandered away to recollections of Thekla Sonnenthal and that carried her back to the time of their last parting and the recollection of her sorrow All at once the loneliness of the present was borne in upon her overwhelmingly she looked around the little room the Ilkley couch was pushed away into a corner there was a pile of newspapers upon it A great sob escaped her For a minute she pressed her hands tightly together over her eyes then she hurriedly opened a book on Electricity and began to read as if for her life
She was roused in about an hours time by a laughing exclamation She started and looking up saw her cousin Tom
Talk about absorption and brown studies he cried why you eat everything I ever saw Ive been looking at you for at least three minutes
Tom was now about nineteen he had inherited the auburn coloring of the Raeburns but otherwise he was said to be much more like the Craigies He was nice looking but somewhat freckled and though he was tall and strongly built he somehow betrayed that he had led a sedentary life and looked in fact as if he wanted a training in gymnastics For the rest he was shrewd businesslike goodnatured and at present very conceited He had been Ericas friend and playfellow as long as she could remember they were brother and sister in all but the name for they had lived within a stones throw of each other all their lives and now shared the same house
I never heard you come in she said smiling a little You must have been very quiet
I dont believe youd hear a salute fired in the next room if you were reading you little book worm But look here Ive got a parody on the chieftain thatll make you cry with laughing You remember the smashed windows at the meeting at Rilchester last week
Erica remembered well enough she had felt sore and angry about it and the comments in the newspapers had not been consolatory She had learned to dread even the comic papers but there was nothing spiteful in the one which Tom produced that evening It was headed
Scotch song Tune—Twas within a mile of Edinborotown
Twas within a hall of Rilchester town
In the bleak springtime of the year
Luke Raeburn gave a lecture on the soul of man
And found that it cost him dear
Windows all were smashed that day
They said The atheist can pay
But Scottish Raeburn frowning cried
Na na it winna do
I canna canna winna winna munna pay for you
The parody ran on through the three verses of the song the conclusion was really witty and there was no sting in it Erica laughed over it as she had not laughed for weeks Tom who had been trying unsuccessfully to cheer her ever since her return was quite relieved
I believe the sixpence a day style suits you he said But I say isnt anything coming up Im as hungry as a hunter
Their elders being away for a few days Tom and Erica were amusing themselves by trying to live on the rather strange diet of the man who published his plan for living at the smallest possible cost They were already beginning to be rather weary of porridge pea soup and lentils This evening pea soup was in the ascendant and Erica tired with a long afternoons work felt as if she could almost as soon have eaten Thames mud
Dear me she said it never struck me this is our Lenten penance Now wouldnt any one looking in fancy we were poor Romanists without an indulgence
Certainly without any selfindulgence said Tom who never lost an opportunity of making a bad pun
It would be a great indulgence to stop eating said Erica sighing over the soup yet to be swallowed
Do you think it is more inspiriting to fast in order to save ones soul than it is to pay the chieftains debts I wish I could honestly say like the little French girl in her confession Jai trop mang
Tom dearly loved that story he was exceeding fond of getting choice little anecdotes from various religious newspapers especially those which dealt in much abuse of the Church of Rome and he retailed them CON AMORE Erica listened to several and laughed a good deal over them
I wonder though they dont see how they play into our hands by putting in these things she said after Tom had given her a description of some ludicrous attack made by a ritualist on an evangelical I should have thought they would have tried to agree whenever they could instead of which they seem almost as spiteful to each other as they are to us
Theyd know better if theyd more than a grain of sense between them said Tom sweepingly but they havent and as theyre always playing battledoor and shuttlecock with that it isnt much good to either Of course they play into our hands I believe the spiteful ultrahigh paper and the spiteful ultralow paper do more to promote atheism than the IdolBreaker itself
How dreadful it must be for men like Mr Osmond who see all round and yet cant stop what they must think the mischief Mr Osmond has been here this afternoon
Ah now hes a stunning fellow if you like said Tom Hes not one of the pigheaded narrowminded set How he comes to be a parson I cant make out
Well you see from their point of view it is the best thing to be I mean he gets plenty of scope for work I fancy he feels as much obliged to speak and teach as father does
Pity hes not on our side said Tom they say hes a firstrate speaker But Im afraid he is perfectly crazy on that point hell never come over
I dont think weve a right to put the whole of his religiousness down to a mania said Erica Besides he is not the sort of man to be even a little mad theres nothing the least fanatical about him
Call it delusion if you like it better Whats in a name The thing remains the same A man cant believe what is utterly against reason without becoming as far as that particular belief is concerned unreasonable beyond the pale of reason therefore deluded therefore mad
Erica looked perplexed she did not think Toms logic altogether good but she could not correct it There was however a want of generosity about the assertion which instantly appealed to her fine sense of honor
I cant argue it out she said at last but it doesnt seem to me fair to put down what we cant understand in other people to madness it never seemed to me quite fair for Festus to accuse Paul of madness when he really had made a splendid defense and it doesnt seem fair that you should accuse Mr Osmond of being mad
Only on that one point said Tom Just a little touched you know How else can you account for a man like that believing what he professes to believe
I dont know said Erica relapsing into perplexed silence
Besides continued Tom you cry out because I say they must be just a little touched but they accuse us of something far worse than madness they accuse us of absolute wickedness
Not all of them said Erica
The greater part said Tom How often do you think the chieftain meets with really fair treatment from the antagonists
Erica had nothing to say to this The harshness and intolerance which her father had constantly to encounter was the great grief of her life the perpetual source of indignation her strongest argument against Christianity
Have you much to do tonight she asked not anxious to stir up afresh the revolt against the worlds injustice which the merest touch would set working within her I was thinking that if there was time to spare we might go to see the professor he has promised to show me some experiments
Electricity Tom pricked up his ears Not half a bad idea If youll help me we can polish off the letters in an hour or so and be free by eight oclock
They set to work and between them disposed of the correspondence
It was a great relief to Erica after her long days work to be out in the cool evening air The night was fine but very windy indeed the sudden gusts at the street corners made her glad to take Toms arm Once as they rather slackened their speed half baffled by the storm a sentence from a passerby fell on their ears The speaker looked like a countryman
Give me a good gasburner with pipes and a meter that a honest man can understand Now this ere elective light I say its not canny Ive no belief in things o that kind it wont never—
The rest of the speech died away in the distance Tom and Erica laughed but the incident set Erica thinking Here was a man who would not believe what he could not understand who wanted pipes and a meter and for want of comprehensible outward signs poohpoohed the great new discovery
Tom she said slowly and with the manner of one who makes a very unpleasant suggestion reluctantly putting forward an unwelcome thought suppose if after all we are like that man and reject a grand discovery because we dont know and are too ignorant to understand Tom just suppose if after all Christianity should be true and we in the wrong
Just suppose if after all the earth should be a flat plain with the sun moving round it replied Tom scornfully
They were walking down the Strand he did not speak for some minutes in fact he was looking at the people who passed by them For the first time in his life a great contrast struck him Disreputable vulgarity wickedness and vice stared him in the face then involuntarily he turned to Erica and looked down at her scrutinizingly as he had never looked before She was evidently wrapped in thought but it was not the intellect in her face which he thought of just then though it was ever noticeable nor was it the actual beauty of feature which struck him it was rather an undefined consciousness that here was a purity which was adorable From that moment he became no longer a boy but a man with a high standard of womanhood Instantly he thought with regret of his scornful little speech—it was contemptible
I beg your pardon he said abruptly as if she had been following his whole train of thought Of course one is bound to study the question fairly but we have done that and all that remains for us is to live as usefully as we can and as creditably to the cause as may be
They had turned down one of the dingy little streets leading to the river and now stood outside Professor Gosses door Erica did not reply It was true she had heard arguments for and against Christianity all her life but had she ever studied it with strict impartiality Had she not always been strongly biased in favor of secularism Had not Mr Osmond gone unpleasantly near the mark when he warned her against being prejudiced by the wrongdoing of a few modern Christians against Christianity itself She was coming now for special instruction in science from one who was best calculated to teach she would not have dreamed of asking instruction from one who was a disbeliever in science Would the same apply in matters of religious belief Was she bound actually to ask instruction from Charles Osmond for instance even though she believed that he taught error—harmful error Yet who was to be the judge of what was error except by perfectly fair consideration of both sides of the case Had she been fair What was perfect fairness
But people must go on living and must speak and act even though their minds are in a chaos of doubts and questionings They had reached Professor Gosses study or as he himself called it his workshop and Erica turned with relief to the verifiable results of scientific inquiry
CHAPTER XI The Wheels Run Down
Great grace as saith Sir Thomas More
To him must needs be given
Who heareth heresy and leaves
The heretic to Heaven Whittier
The clock in a neighboring church tower was just striking five on a warm afternoon in June The pillar box stood at the corner of Guilford Square nearest the church and on this particular afternoon there chanced to be several people running at the last moment to post their letters Among others were Brian and Erica Brian with a great bundle of parish notices had just reached the box when running down the other side of the square at full speed he saw his Undine carrying a bagful of letters He had not met her for some weeks for it happened to have been a busy time with him and though she had been very good in coming to read to old Mrs Osmond he had always just missed her
This is a funny meeting place she exclaimed rather breathlessly It never struck me before what a truly national institution the post office is—a place where people of all creeds and opinions can meet together and are actually treated alike
Brian smiled
You have been very busy he said glancing at the innumerable envelopes which she was dropping as fast as might be into the narrow receptacle He could see that they were directed in her small clear delicate handwriting
And you too she said looking at his diminished bundle Mine are secularist circulars and yours I suppose are the other kind of thing but you see the same pillar eats them up quite contentedly The post office is beautifully national it sets a good example
She spoke lightly but there was a peculiar tone in her voice which betrayed great weariness It made Brian look at her more attentively than he had yet done—less from a lovers point of view more from a doctors She was very pale Though the running had brought a faint color to her cheeks her lips were white her forehead almost deathly He knew that she had never really been well since her mothers death but the change wrought within the last three weeks dismayed him she was the mere shadow of her former self
This hot weather is trying you he said
Something is she replied Work or weather or worry or the three combined
Come in and see my father said Brian and be idle for a little time you will be writing more circulars if you go home
No they are all done and my examination is over and there is nothing special going on just now I think that is why I feel so like breaking down
After a little more persuasion she consented to go in and see Mr Osmond The house always had a peculiarly restful feeling and the mere thought of rest was a relief to her she would have liked the wheels of life to stop for a little while and there was rest in the mere change of atmosphere On the doorstep Brian encountered a patient much to his vexation so he could only take Erica into the study and go in search of his father He lingered however just to tell him of his fears
She looks perfectly worn out you must find out what is wrong father and make her promise to see some one
His tone betrayed such anxiety that his father would not smile although he was secretly amused at the task deputed to him However clergyman as he was he had a good deal of the doctor about him and he had seen so much of sickness and disease during his long years of hard work among the poor that he was after all about as ready an observer and as good a judge as Brian could have selected
Erica leaning back in the great easy chair which had been moved into summer quarters beside the window heard the slow soft step she had learned to know so well and before she had time to get up found her hand in Charles Osmonds strong clasp
How comfortable your chair is she said smiling I believe I was nearly asleep
He looked at her attentively but without appearing to study her face in any way She was very pale and there was an indefinable look of pain in her eyes
Any news of the examination he asked sitting down opposite her
No it is too soon yet she replied I thought I should have felt so anxious about it but do you know now that it is over I cant make myself care a bit If I have failed altogether I dont believe I shall mind very much
Too tired to care for anything
Yes I seem to have come to the end I wish I were a watch and could run down and rest for a few days and be wound up again
He smiled What have you been doing with yourself to get so tired
Oh nothing particular it has been rather a long day Let me see In the morning there were two delegates from Rilchester who had to be kept in a good temper till my father was ready for them then there was fathers bag to be packed and a rush to get him off in time for the morning express to Longstaff Then I went to a lecture at South Kensington and then by train to Aldersgate Street to see Hazeldines wife who is unconscionable enough to live at the top of one of the model lodging houses Then she told me of another of our people whose child is ill and they lived in another row of Compton buildings up a hundred more steps which left my back nearly broken And the poor little child was fearfully ill and it is so dreadful to see pain you can do nothing for it has made me feel wretched ever since Then—let me think—oh I got home and found Aunt Jean with a heap of circulars to get off and there was a great rush to get them ready by post time
She paused Charles Osmond withdrew his eyes from the careful scrutiny of her face and noticed the position she had taken up in his chair She was leaning back with her arms resting on the arms of the chair not merely stretched out upon them but rather as if she used them for support His eyes wandered back again to her face After a short silence he spoke
You have been feeling very tired lately you have had unaccountable pains flying about all over you but specially your back has felt as you just said somewhat broken You have generally noticed this when you have been walking or bending over your desk writing for the IdolBreaker
She laughed
Now please dont turn into a clairvoyant I shall begin to think you uncanny and besides it would be an argument for Tom when we quarrel about you
Then my surmises are true
Substitute first person singular for second plural and it might have come from my own lips said Erica smiling But please stop Im afraid you will try to turn prophet next and Im sure you will prophesy something horrid
It would need no very clearsighted prophet to prophesy that you will have to let your wheels run down for a little while
Do you mean that you think I shall die asked Erica languidly It wouldnt be at all convenient just now father couldnt spare me Do you know and her face brightened he is really beginning to use me a good deal
I didnt mean that I thought your wheels would run down in that way said Charles Osmond touched by the pathos of her words I may even be wrong but I think you will want a long rest and I am quite sure you mustnt lose a day before seeing a doctor I should like my brother to see you Brian is only junior partner you know
What another Mr Osmond How muddled we shall get between you all said Erica laughing
I should think that Brian might be Brian by this time said Charles Osmond that will dispose of one and perhaps you would like to follow the example of one of my servants who I hear invariably speaks of me as the dear rev
Erica laughed
No I shall call you my prophet though it is true you have begun by being a prophet of evil By the bye you can not say again that I am not impartial What do you think Tom and I did last week
Read the New Testament backward
No we went to a Holy Scripture Society meeting at Exeter Hall
Hope you were edified said Charles Osmond with a little twinkle in his eye but he sighed nevertheless
Well said Erica it was rather curious to hear everything reversed and there was a good deal of fun altogether They talked a great deal about the numbers of bibles testaments and portions which had been sent out There was one man who spoke very broadly and kept on speaking of the PORTIONS and there was another whom we called the Great Door because eight times in his speech he said that a great door had been opened for them in Italy and other places Altogether I thought them rather smug and selfsatisfied especially one man whose face shone on the slightest provocation and who remarked in broad Lincolnshire that they had been aboondantly blessed After his speech a little short sleek oily man got up and talked about Providence Apparently it had been very kind to him and he thought the other sort of thing did best for those who got it But there were one or two really good speakers and I dare say they were all in earnest Still you know Tom and I felt rather like fish out of water and especially when they began to sing Oh Bible blessed Bible and a lady would make me share her hymn book Then too there was a collection and the man made quite a pause in front of us and of course we couldnt give anything Altogether I felt rather horrid and hypocritical for being there at all
Is that your only experience of one of our meetings
Oh no father took me with him two or three times to Westminster Abbey a good many years ago We heard the dean father admired him very much I like Westminster Abbey It seems to belong a little to us too because it is so national And then it is so beautiful and I liked hearing the music I wonder though that you are not little afraid of having it so much in your worship I remember hearing a beautiful anthem there once which just thrilled one all through I wonder that you dont fear that people should mistake that for what you call spiritual fervor
I think perhaps there is a danger in any undue introduction of externals but any one whose spirit has ever been awakened will never mistake the mere thrill of sensuous rapture for the quickening of the spirit by the Unseen
You are talking riddles to me now said Erica but I feel sure that some of the people who go to church regularly only like it because of that appeal to the senses I shall never forget going one afternoon into Notre Dame with Mme Lemercier A flood of crimson and purple light was shining in through the south transept windows You could see the whiterobed priests and choristers—there was one boy with the most perfect voice you can conceive I dont know what they were singing something very sweet and mournful and as that one voice rang up into the vaulted roof I saw Mme Lemercier fall down on her knees and pray in a sort of rapture Even I myself felt the tears come to my eyes just because of the loveliness and because the blood in ones veins seemed to bound And then still singing the procession passed into the nave and the lovely voice grew more and more distant It was a wonderful effect no doubt the congregation thought they felt devout but if so then I too felt devout—quite as religious as they Your spiritual fervor seems to me to resolve itself into artistic effect produced by an appeal to the senses and emotions
And I must repeat my riddle said Charles Osmond quietly No awakened spirit could ever mistake the one for the other It is impossible How impossible you will one day realize
One evil prophesy is enough for today said Erica laughing If I stay any longer you will be prophesying my acceptance of Christianity No no my father will be grieved enough if your first prediction comes true but if I were to turn Christian I think it would break his heart
She rose to go and Charles Osmond went with her to the door extracting a promise that she would discuss things with her aunt and if she approved send for Mr Osmond at once He watched her across the square then turning back into his study paced to and fro in deep thought Ericas words rang in his ears If I were to turn Christian I think it would break his heart How strangely this child was situated How almost impossible it seemed that she could ever in this world come to the light And yet the difficulty might perhaps be no hindrance to one so beautifully sincere so ready to endure anything and everything for the sake of what she now considered truth She had all her fathers zeal and selfdevotion surely the offering up of self even in a mistaken cause must sooner or later lead to the Originator of all selfsacrifice Surely some of those who seem only to thwart God honestly deeming Christianity a mischievous delusion are really acting more in His spirit unconsciously better doing His will than many who openly declare themselves on His side Yet as Charles Osmond mused over the past lives of Luke Raeburn and his daughter and pictured their probable future a great grief filled his heart They wee both so lovable so noble That they should miss in a great measure the best of life seemed such a grievous pity The chances that either of them would renounce atheism were he could not but feel infinitesimally small Much smaller for the father than for the child
It was true indeed that she had never fairly grasped any real idea of the character of Christ He had once grasped it to a certain extent and had lost the perception of its beauty and truth It was true also that Ericas transparent sincerity her quick perception of the beautiful might help very greatly to overcome her deeply ingrained prejudices But even then what an agony—what a fearful struggle would lie before her I think it would break his heart Charles Osmond felt his breath come fast and hard at the mere thought of such a difference between the father and daughter Could human strength possibly be equal to such a terrible trial For these two were everything to each other Erica worshipped her father and Raeburns fatherhood was the truest deepest tenderest part of his character No human strength could not do it but—
I am nyle ye drede
His eye fell on a little illuminated scroll above his mantelpiece Wycliffs rendering of Christs reassuring words to the fearful disciples Yes with the revelation of Himself He would give the strength make it possible to dread nothing not even the infliction of grief to ones nearest and dearest Much pain much sacrifice there would be in his service but dread—never The strength of the I am bade it forever cease In that strength the weakest could conquer
But he had wondered on into a dim future had pictured a struggle which in all probability would not take place Even were that the case however he needed these words of assurance all the more himself They wove themselves into his reverie as he paced to an fro they led him further and further away from perplexed surmises as to the future of Raeburn and Erica but closer to their souls because they took him straight to the God and father of all who is above all and through all and in all
The next morning as he was preparing a sermon for the following Sunday there came a knock at his study door His brother came in He was a fine looking man of two or threeandfifty
I cant stay he said Ive a long round but I just looked in to tell you about your little heretic
Charles Osmond looked up anxiously
It is as you thought continued his brother Slight curvature of the spine Shes a brave little thing I dont wonder you are interested in her
It means a long rest I suppose
Yes I told her a year in a recumbent posture for I fancy she is one of those restless beings who will do nothing at all unless you are pretty plain with them It is possible that six or eight months may be sufficient
How did she take it
Oh in the pluckiest way you can conceive Tried to laugh at the prospect wanted me to measure her to see how much she grew in the time and said she should expect at least three inches to reward her
A Raeburn could hardly be deficient in courage Luke Raeburn is without exception the bravest man I ever met
And Id back his daughter against any woman I know said the doctor
He left the room but the news he had brought caused a long pause in his brothers sermon
CHAPTER XII Raeburns Homecoming
He is a man both loving and severe
A tender heart a will inflexible Longfellow
Luke Raeburn had been lecturing in one of the large manufacturing towns It was the hottest part of a sultry day in June He was returning home and sat in a broiling thirdclass carriage reading a paper Apparently what he read was the reverse of gratifying for there was a look of annoyance on his usually serene face he was displeased with the report of his lecture given in the local papers it was calculated to mislead very greatly
Other matters too were harassing him just then and he was moreover paying the penalty of his two years campaign in which his almost superhuman exertions and the privations he had voluntarily endured had told severely upon his health Possessed of a singularly wellregulated mind and having in an unusual degree the inestimable gift of common sense he nevertheless often failed to use it in his personal affairs He had no idea of sparing himself no idea of husbanding his strength this was indeed great but he treated himself as if it were inexhaustible The months of trouble had turned his hair quite white he was now a more noticeablelooking man than ever
Not unfrequently he made friends with the men with whom he traveled he was always studying life from the workingmans point of view and there was such a charm in his genial manner and ready sympathy that he invariably succeeded in drawing people out But on this day he was not in the humor for it instead he thought over the abusive article and the mangled report in the Longstaff Mercury and debated within himself whether it were worth an action for libel His love of fighting said yes his common sense said no and in the end common sense won the day but left him doubly depressed He moved to the shady side of the carriage and looked out of the window He was a great lover of Nature and Nature was looking her loveliest just then The trees in all the freshness of early June lifted their foliage to the bluest of skies the meadows were golden with buttercups the cattle grazed peacefully the hay fields waved unmown in the soft summer air which though sparing no breath for the hot and dusty traveler was yet strong enough to sweep over the tall grasses in long undulating waves that made them shimmer in the sunlight
Raeburns face grew serene once more he had a very quick perception of the beautiful Presently he retired again behind a newspaper this time the Daily Review and again his brow grew stern for there was bad news from the seat of war he read the account of a great battle read the numbers of his slain countrymen and of those who had fallen on the enemys side It was an unrighteous war and his heart burned within him at the thought of the inhuman havoc thus caused by a false ambition Again as if he were fated that day to be confronted with the dark side of life the papers gave a long account of a discovery made in some charity school where young children had been hideously illtreated Raeburn who was the most fatherly of men could hardly restrain the expression of his righteous indignation All this mismanagement this reckless waste of life this shameful cruelty was going on in what was called Free England And here was he a middleaged man and time was passing on with frightful rapidity and though he had never lost an opportunity of lifting up his voice against oppression how little had he actually accomplished
So many worlds so much to do So little done such things to be
That was the burden of the unuttered cry which filled his whole being That was the point where his atheism often brought him to a noble despair But far from prompting him to repeat the maxim Let us eat and drink for tomorrow we die it spurred him rather to a sort of fiery energy never satisfied with what it had accomplished Neither the dissatisfaction however nor even the despair ever made him feel the need of any power above man On the contrary the unaccountable mystery of pain and evil was his strongest argument against the existence of a God Upon that rock he had foundered as a mere boy and no argument had ever been able to reconvince him Impatience of present ill had in this as in many other cases proved the bane of his life
He would write and speak about these cases of injustice he would hold them up to the obloquy they so richly deserved
Scathing sentences already took shape in his brain but deeper investigation would be necessary before he could write anything In the meantime to cool himself to bring himself into a judicial frame of mind he took a Hebrew book from his bag and spent the rest of the journey in hard study
Harassed and tired and out of spirits as he was he nevertheless felt a certain pleasurable sensation as he left St Pancras driving homeward through the hot crowded streets Erica would be waiting for him at home and he had a comparatively leisure afternoon There was the meeting on the Opium Trade at eight but he might take her for a turn in one of the parks beforehand She had always been a companion to him since her very babyhood but now he was able to enjoy her companionship even more than in the olden times Her keen intellect her ready sympathy her eagerness to learn made her the perfection of a disciple while not unnaturally he delighted in tracing the many similarities of character between himself and his child Then too in his hard argumentative fighting life it was an unspeakable relief to be able to retire every now and then into a home which no outer storms could shake or disturb Fond as he was of his sister Mrs Craigie and Tom they constituted rather the innermost circle of his friends and followers it was Erica who made the HOME though the others shared the house It was to Ericas pure childlike devotion that he invariably turned for comfort
Dismissing the cab at the corner of Guilford Square he walked down the dreary little passage looking up at the window to see if she were watching for him as usual But today there was no expectant face he recollected however that it was Thursday always a busy day with them
He opened the door with his latch key and went in still there was no sound in the house he half paused for an instant thinking that he should certainly hear her quick footsteps the opening of a door some sign of welcome but all was as silent as death Half angry with himself for having grown so expectant of that loving watch as to be seriously apprehensive at its absence he hastily put down his bag and walked into the sitting room his calm exterior belying a nameless fear at his heart
What the French call expressively a serrement de coeur seized him when he saw that Erica was indeed at home but that she was lying on the couch She did not even spring up to greet him
Is anything the matter dear Are you ill he asked hurriedly crossing the little room
Oh have you not seen Aunt Jean She was going to meet you at St Pancras said Erica her heart failing her a little at the prospect of telling her own bad news But the exceeding anxiety of her fathers face helped her to rise to the occasion She laughed and the laugh was natural enough to reassure him
It is nothing so very dreadful and all this time you have never even given me a kiss father She drew down the grandlooking white head and pressed her fair face to his He sat down beside her
Tell me dear what is wrong with you he repeated
Well I felt rather out of order and they said I ought to see some one and it seems that my tiresome spine is getting crooked and the long and the short of it is that Mr Doctor Osmond says I shall get quite well again if Im careful but she added lightly yet with the gentleness of one who thinks merely of the hearers point of view I shall have to be a passive verb for a year and you will have to be my very strong man Kwasind
A year he exclaimed in dismay
Brian half gave me hope that it might not be so long said Erica if Im very good and careful and of course I shall be both I am only sorry because it will make me very useless I did hope I should never have been a burden on you again father
Dont talk of such a thing my little son Eric he said very tenderly Who should take care of you if not your own father Besides if you never wrote another line for me you would help me by just being yourself A burden
Well Ive made you look as grave as half a dozen lawsuits said Erica pretending to stroke the lines of care from his forehead Ive had the morning to ruminate over the prospect and really now that you know it is not so very dreadful A year will soon pass
I look to you Eric said her father to show the world that we secularists know how to bear pain You wont waste the year if you can do it
Her face lighted up
It was like you to think of that she said that would indeed be worth doing
Still do what she would Erica could not talk him back to cheerfulness He was terribly distressed at her news and more so when he found that she was suffering a good deal He thought with a pang of the difference of the reality to his expectations No walk for them in the park that evening nor probably for many years to come Yet he was ignorant of these matters perhaps he exaggerated the danger or the duration he would go across and see Brian Osmond at once
Left once more to herself the color died out of Ericas cheeks she lay there pale and still but her face was almost rigid with resoluteness
I am not going to give way she thought to herself I wont shed a single tear Tears are wasteful luxuries bad for body and mind And yet yet oh it is hard just when I wanted to help father most Just when I wanted to keep him from being worried And a whole year How shall I bear it when even six hours has seemed half a life time This is what Thekla would call a cross but I only call it my horrid stupid idiotic old spine Well I must try to show them that Luke Raeburns daughter knows how to bear pain I must be patient however much I boil over in private Yet is it honest I wonder to keep a patient outside while inside you are all one big grumble Rather Pharisaical outside of the cup and platter but it is all I shall be able to do Im sure That is where Mr Osmonds Christianity would come in I do believe that goes right through his life privatest thoughts and all Odd that a delusion should have such power and over such a man There is Sir Michael Cunningham too one of the greatest and best men in England yet a Christian Great intellects and much study and still they remain Christians tis extraordinary But a Christian would have the advantage over me in a case like this First of all I suppose they would feel that they could serve their God as well on their backs as upright while all the help I shall be able to give the cause is dreadfully indirect and problematical Then certainly they would feel that they might be getting ready for the next world where all wrong is they believe to be set right while I am only terribly hindered in getting ready for this world a whole year without the chance of a lecture And then they have all kinds of nice theories about pain discipline and that sort of thing which no doubt make it more bearable while to me it is just the one unmitigated evil But oh They dont know what pain means For there is no death to them no endless separation What a delusion it is They ought to be happy enough Oh mother mother
After all what she really dreaded in her enforced pause was the leisure for thought She had plunged into work of all kinds had half killed herself with work had tried to hold her despair at arms length But now there was no help for it She must rest and the thoughts must come
CHAPTER XIII Losing One Friend to Gain Another
For toleration had its griefs
And charity its trial Whittier
Well Osmond you got into hot water a few years ago for defending Raeburn in public and by this time you will find it not merely hot but up to boiling point The fellow is more notorious than ever
The speaker was one of Charles Osmonds college friends a certain Mr Roberts who had been abroad for a good many years but having returned on account of his health had for a few months been acting as curate to his friend
A man who works as indefatigably as Mr Raeburn has done can hardly avoid being noticed replied Charles Osmond
You speak as if you admired the fellow
There is a good deal to admire in Mr Raeburn However greatly mistaken he is there is no doubt that he is a brave man and an honest man
You can speak in such a way of a man who makes his living by speaking and writing against God
I hope I can speak the truth of every man whether his creed agrees with mine or not
A man who grows rich on blasphemy Who sows poison among the people and reaps the harvest exclaimed Mr Roberts
That he teaches fearful error I quite allow said Charles Osmond but it is the grossest injustice to say that he does it for gain His atheism brought him to the very brink of starvation some years ago Even now he is so crippled by the endless litigation he has had that he lives in absolute penury
But that letter you sent to the Church Chronicle was so uncalled for you put the comparison so broadly
I put it in plain English said Charles Osmond I merely said as I think that he puts many of us to shame by his great devotion The letter was a reply to a very unfair article about the Rilchester riot it was absolutely necessary that some one should speak I tell you Roberts if you knew the man you could not speak so bitterly of him It is not true that he leads a selfish easygoing life he has spent thousands and thousands of pounds in the defense of his cause I dont believe there is a man in England who has led a more selfdenying life It may be very uncomfortable news for us but weve no right to shut our ears to it I wish that man could stir up an honest sense of shame in every sleepy Christian in the country I believe that indeed to be his rightful mission Raeburn is a grand text for a sermon which the nation sorely needs Here is a man who spends his whole strength in propagating his socalled gospel of atheism Do you spend your whole strength in spreading the gospel of Christ Here is a man willing to leave his home willing to live without one single luxury denying himself all that is not necessary to actual health Have you ever denied yourself anything Here is a man who spends his whole living all that he has on what he believes to be the truth What meager tithe do you bestow upon the religion of which you speak so much Here is a man who dares to stand up alone in defense of what he holds true a man who never flinches How far are you brave in the defense of your faith Do you never keep a prudent silence Do you never howl with the wolves
Thank Heaven you are not in the pulpit ejaculated Mr Roberts
I wish those words could be sent through the length and breadth of the land said Charles Osmond
No doubt Mr Raeburn would thank you said his friend with a sharpedged smile It would be a nice little advertisement for him Why from a Church of England parson it would make his fortune My dear Osmond you are the best fellow in the world but dont you see that you are playing into the enemys hands
I am trying to speak the words that God has given me to speak said Charles Osmond The result I can well trust to Him An uncomfortable truth will never be popular The words of our Lord Himself were not popular but they sunk into mens hearts and bore fruit though He was put to death as a blasphemer and a revolutionary
Well at least then if you must take up the cudgels in his defense do not dishonor the clerical profession by personal acquaintance with the man I hear that he has been seen actually in your house that you are even intimate with his family
Roberts I didnt think our beliefs were so very different In fact I used to think we were nearer to each other on these points than most men Surely we both own the universal Fatherhood of God
Of course of course said Mr Roberts quickly
And owning that we cannot help owning the universal brotherhood of men Why should you then cut yourself off from your brother Luke Raeburn
Hes no brother of mine said Mr Roberts in a tone of disgust
Charles Osmond smiled
We do not choose our brothers we have no voice in the growth of the family There they are
But the man says there is no God
Excuse me he has never said that What he says is that the word God conveys no meaning to him If you think that the best way to show your belief in the AllFather and your love to all His children lies in refusing so much as to touch those who dont know Him you are of course justified in shunning every atheist or agnostic in the world But I do not think that the best way It was not Christs way Therefore I hail every possible opportunity of meeting Mr Raeburn or his colleagues try to find all the points we have in common try as far as possible to meet them on their own ground
And the result will be that people will call you an atheist yourself broke in Mr Roberts
That would not greatly matter said Charles Osmond It would be a mere sting for the moment It is not what men call us that we have to consider but how we are fulfilling the work God has given us to do
Pon my life it makes me feel sick to hear you talk like this about that miserable Raeburn exclaimed Mr Roberts hotly I tell you Osmond that you are ruining your reputation losing all chance of preferment just because of this mistaken zeal It makes me furious to think that such a man as you should suffer for such a creature as Raeburn
Have you forgotten that such creatures as you and I and Luke Raeburn had such a Saviour as Jesus Christ Come Roberts in your heart you know you agree with me If one is indeed our Father then indeed we are all brethren
I do not hold with you retorted Mr Roberts the more angrily because he had really hoped to convince his friend I wouldnt sit in the same room with the fellow if you offered me the richest living in England I wouldnt shake hands with him to be made an archbishop I wouldnt touch him with a pair of tongs
Even less charitable than St Dunstan to the devil said Charles Osmond smiling a little but sadly Except in that old legend however I dont think Christianity ever mentions tongs If you cant love your enemies and pray for them and hold out a brotherly hand to them perhaps it were indeed better to hold aloof and keep as quiet as you can
It is clearly impossible for us to work together any longer Osmond said Mr Roberts rising I am sorry that such a cause should separate us but if you will persist in visiting an outcast of society a professed atheist the most bitter enemy of our church I cannot allow my name to be associated with yours it is impossible that I should hold office under you
So the two friends parted
Charles Osmond was human and almost inevitably a sort of reaction began in his mind the instant he was alone He had lost one of his best friends he knew as well as possible that they could never be on the same footing as before He had moreover lost in him a valuable coworker Then too it was true enough that his defense of Raeburn was bringing him into great disfavor with the religious world and he was a sensitive and naturally a proud man who found blame and reproach and contemptuous disapproval very hard to bear Years of hard fighting years of patient imitation of Christ had wonderfully ennobled him but he had not yet attained to the sublime humility which being free from all thought of self cares nothing scarcely even pauses to think of the worlds judgment too absorbed in the work of the Highest to have leisure for thought of the lowest too full of love for the race to have love to spare for self To this ideal he was struggling but he had not yet reached it and the thought of his own reputation his own feelings would creep in He was not a selfishly ambitious man but every one who is conscious of ability every one who feels within him energies lying fallow for want of opportunity must be ambitious for a larger sphere of work Just as he was beginning to dare to allow himself the hope of some change in his work some wider field just as he was growing sure enough of himself to dare to accept any greater work which might have been offered to him he must by bringing himself into evil repute lose every chance of preferment And for what For attempting to obtain a just judgment for the enemy of his faith for holding out a brotherly hand to a man who might very probably not care to take it for consorting with those who would at best regard him as an amiable fanatic Was this worth all it would cost Could the exceedingly problematical gain make up for the absolutely certain loss
He took up the days newspaper His eye was at once attracted to a paragraph headed Mr Raeburn at Longstaff The report sent from the same source as the report in the Longstaff Mercury which had so greatly displeased Raeburn that morning struck Charles Osmond in a most unfavorable light This bitter opponent of Christianity this unsparing denouncer of all that he held most sacred THIS was the man for whom he was sacrificing friendship reputation advancement A feeling of absolute disgust rose within him For a moment the thought came I cant have any more to do with the man
But he was too honest not to detect almost at once his own Pharisaical unChristlike spirit
Look not every man on his own things but every man also on the things of others Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus
He had been selfishly consulting his own happiness his own ease Worse still he of all men in the world had dared to set himself up as too virtuous forsooth to have anything to do with an atheist Was that the mind which was in Christ Was He a straitlaced selfrighteous Pharisee too good too religious to have anything to say to those who disagreed with Him Did He not live and die for those who are yet enemies to God Was not the work of reconciliation the work he came for Did He calculate the loss to Himself the risk of failure Ah no those who would imitate God must first give as a free gift without thought of self perfect love to all perfect justice through that love or else they are not like the Father who maketh His sun to shine on the evil and the good and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust
Charles Osmond paced to and fro the look of trouble gradually passing from his face Presently he paused beside the open window it looked upon the little back garden a tiny strip of ground indeed but just now bright with sunshine and fresh with the beauty of early summer The sunshine seemed to steal into his heart as he prayed
AllFather drive out my selfish cowardice my selfrighteous conceit Give me Thy spirit of perfect love to all give me Thy pure hatred of sin Melt my coldness with Thy burning charity and if it be possible make me fit to be Luke Raeburns friend
While he still stood by the window a visitor was announced He had been too much absorbed to catch the name but it seemed the most natural thing that on turning round he should find himself face to face with the prophet of atheism
There he stood a splendid specimen of humanity every line in his rugged Scottish face bespoke a character of extraordinary force but the eyes which in public Charles Osmond had seen flashing with the fire of the mans enthusiasm or gleaming with a cold metallic light which indicated exactly his steely endurance of ill treatment were now softened and deepened by sadness His heart went out to him Already he loved the man only hitherto the worlds opinions had crept into his heart between each meeting and had paralyzed the free Godlike love But it was to do so no longer That afternoon he had dealt it a final blow there was no more any room for it to rear its fairspeaking form no longer should its veiled selfishness its socalled virtuous indignation turn him into a Pharisaical judge
He received him with a hand shake which conveyed to Raeburn much of the warmth the reality the friendliness of the man He had always liked Charles Osmond but he had generally met him either in public or when he was harassed and preoccupied Now when he was at leisure when too he was in great trouble he instinctively perceived that Osmond had in a rare degree the broadhearted sympathy which he was just now in need of From that minute a lifelong friendship sprung up between the two men
I came really to see your son said Raeburn but they tell me he is out I wish to know the whole truth about Erica It was not his way to speak very much where he felt deeply and Charles Osmond could detect all the deep anxiety the halfindulged hope which lay hidden behind the strong reserved exterior He had heard enough of the case to be able to satisfy him to assure him that there was no danger that all must be left to time and patience and careful observance of the doctors regulations Raeburn sighed with relief at the repeated assurance that there was no danger that recovery was only a question of time Death had so recently visited his home that a grisly fear had taken possession of his heart Once free of that he could speak almost cheerfully of the lesser evil
It will be a great trial to her such absolute imprisonment she is never happy unless she is hard at work But she is brave and strongwilled Will you look in and see her when you can
Certainly said Charles Osmond We must do our best to keep up her spirits
Yes luckily she is a great reader otherwise such a long rest would be intolerable I should fancy
You do not object to my coming to see her said Charles Osmond looking full into his companions eyes You know that we discuss religious questions pretty freely
Religious questions always are freely discussed in my house said Raeburn It will be the greatest advantage to her to have to turn things well over in her mind Besides we always make a point of studying our adversaries case even more closely than our own and if she has a chance of doing it personally as well as through books all the better
But supposing that such an unlikely thing were to happen as that she should see reason to change her present views Supposing if you can suppose anything so unlikely she should ever in future years come to believe in Christianity
Raeburn smiled not quite pleasantly
It is as you say such a very remote contingency He paused grew grave then continued with all his native nobility Yet I like you the better for having brought forward such an idea improbable as I hope it may be considered I feel very sure of Erica She has thought a great deal she has had every possible advantage We never teach on authority she has been left perfectly free and has learned to weigh evidences and probabilities not to be led astray by any emotional fancies but to be guided by reason She has always heard both sides of the case she has lived as it were in an atmosphere of debate and has been and of course always will be quite free to form her own opinion on every subject It is not for nothing that we call ourselves Freethinkers Absolute freedom of thought and speech is part of our creed So far from objecting to your holding free discussions with my daughter I shall be positively grateful to you and particularly just now I fancy Erica has inherited enough of my nature to enjoy nothing better than a little opposition
I know you are a born fighter said Charles Osmond We sympathize with each other in that And next to the bliss of a hardwon victory I place the satisfaction of being well conquered
Raeburn laughed
I am glad we think alike there People are very fond of describing me as a big bull dog but if they would think a little they would see that the love of overcoming obstacles is deeply rooted in the heart of every true man What is the meaning of our English love of field sports What the explanation of the mania for Alpine climbing It is no despicable craving for distinction it is the innate love of fighting struggling and conquering
Well there are many obstacles which we can struggle to remove side by side said Charles Osmond We should be like one man I fancy on the question of the opium trade for instance
In a few vigorous words Raeburn denounced this monstrous national sin
Are you going to the meeting tonight he added after a pause
Yes I had thought of it Let us go together Shall you speak
Not tonight said Raeburn a smile flickering about his usually stern lips The Right Reverend Father etc etc who is to occupy the chair might object to announcing that Mr Raeburn would now address the meeting No this is not the time or place for me So prejudiced are people that the mere connection of my name with the question would probably do more harm than good I should like I confess to get up without introduction to speak not from the platform but from among the audience incognito But that is impossible for a man who has the misfortune to be five inches above the average height and whose white hair has become a proverb since some one made the unfortunate remark repeated in a hundred newspapers that the hoary head was only a crown of glory when found in the way of righteousness
Charles Osmond could not help laughing
The worst of these newspaper days is that one never can make an end of anything That remark has been made to me since at several meetings At the last I told the speaker that I was so tired of comments on my personal appearance that I should soon have to resort either to the dyer or the wigmaker But here am I wasting your time and my own and forgetting the poor little maid at home Goodbye Ill call in passing then at a quarter to eight Tom Craigie will probably be with me he is very rabid on the subject
Craigie and I are quite old friends said Charles Osmond
And then as on the preceding night he had stood at the door while Erica crossed the square so now involuntarily his eyes followed Raeburn In his very walk the character of the man was indicated firm steady imperturbable straightforward
CHAPTER XIV Charles Osmond Speaks His Mind
Fiat justitia ruat coelum Proverb
Justice the miracle worker among men John Bright July
14 1868
I thought you were never coming to see me said Erica putting down a newspaper and looking up with eager welcome at Charles Osmond who had just been announced
It has not been for want of will he replied sitting down near her couch but I have been overwhelmed with work the last few days How are you getting on Im glad you dont altogether refuse to see your prophet of evil
It would have been worse if you hadnt spoken she said in the tone of one trying hard to make the best of things I was rather rash though to say that I should like my wheels to run down I didnt know how terrible it is to be still One does so grudge all the lost time
But you will not let this be lost time you will read
Oh yes happily I can do that And Mrs McNaughton is going to give me physiology lessons and dear old Professor Gosse has promised to come and teach me whenever he can He is so devoted to father you know I think he would do anything for me just because I am his child It is a comfort that father has so many real good friends What I do so hate though is the thought of having to be a passive verb for so long Youve no idea how aggravating it is to lie here and listen to all that is going on to hear of great meetings and not to be able to go to hear of work to be done and not to be able to do it And I suppose one notices little things more when one is ill for just to lie still and watch our clumsy little servant lay the table for dinner clattering down the knives and forks and tossing down the plates makes me actually cross And then they let the room get so untidy just look at that stack of books for reviewing and that chaos of papers in the corner If I could but get up for just five minutes I shouldnt mind
Poor child said Charles Osmond this comes very hard on you
I know Im grumbling dreadfully but if you knew how horrid it is to be cut off from everything And of course it happens that another controversy is beginning about that Longstaff report I have been reading half a dozen of todays newspapers and each one is worse than the last Look here Just read that and try to imagine that its your father they are slandering Oh if I could but get up for one minute and stamp
And is this untrue asked Charles Osmond when he had finished the account in question
There is just enough truth in it to make it worse than a direct lie said Erica hotly They have quoted his own words but in a sense in which he never meant them or they have quite disregarded the context If you will give me those books on the table Ill just show you how they have misrepresented him by hacking out single sentences and twisting and distorting all he says in public
Charles Osmond looked at the passages referred to and saw that Erica had not complained without reason
Yes that is very unfair shamefully unfair he said Then after a pause he added abruptly Erica are you good at languages
I am very fond of them she said surprised at the sudden turn he had given to the conversation
Supposing that Mr Raeburns speeches and doings were a good deal spoken of in Europe as no doubt they are and that a long time after his death one of his successors made some converts to secularism in Italy and wrote in Italian all that he could remember of the life and words of his late teacher Then suppose that the Italian life of Raeburn was translated into Chinese and that hundreds of years after a heathen Chinee sat down to read it His Oriental mind found it hard to understand Mr Raeburns thoroughly Western mind he didnt see anything noble in Mr Raeburns character couldnt understand his mode of thought read through the life perhaps studied it after a fashion or believed he did then shut it up and said there might possibly have been such a man but the proofs were very weak and even if he had lived he didnt think he was any great shakes though the people did make such a fuss about him Would you call that heathen Chinee fair
Erica could not help smiling though she saw what he was driving at
But Charles Osmond felt much too keenly to continue in such a light strain He was no weakminded pleasant conversationalist but a prophet who knew how to speak hard truths sometimes
Erica he said almost sternly you talk much about those who quote your fathers words unfairly but have you never misquoted the words of Christ You deny Him and disbelieve in Him yet you have never really studied His life You have read the New Testament through a veil of prejudice Mind I am not saying one word in defense of those socalled Christians who treat you unfairly or uncharitably but I do say that as far as I can see you are quite as unfair to Christ as they are to your father Of course you may reply that Jesus of Nazareth lived nearly nineteen hundred years ago and that your father is still living that you have many difficulties and doubts to combat while our bigots can verify every fact or quotation with regard to Mr Raeburn with perfect ease and certainty That is true enough But the difficulties if honestly faced might be surmounted You dont honestly face them you say to yourself I have gone into all these matters carefully and now I have finally made up my mind there is an end of the matter You are naturally prejudiced against Christ every day your prejudices will deepen unless you strike out resolutely for yourself as a truthseeker as one who insists on always considering all sides of the question At present you are absolutely unfair you will not take the trouble to study the life of Christ
Few people like to be told of their faults Erica could just endure it from her father but from no one else She was besides too young yet to have learned even the meaning of the word humility Had Charles Osmond been a few years younger she would not even have listened to him As it was he was a grayhaired man whom she loved and revered he was moreover a guest She was very angry with him but she restrained her anger
He had watched her attentively while he spoke She had at first only been surprised then her anger had been kindled and she gave him one swift flash from eyes which looked like live coals Then she turned her face away from him so that he could only see one crimson cheek There was a pause after he had said his say Presently with a great effort Erica faced him once more and in a manner which would have been dignified had it not been a trifle too frigid made some casual remark upon a different subject He saw that to stay longer was mere waste of time
When the door had closed behind him Ericas anger blazed up once more That he should have dared to accuse her of unfairness That he should have dared actually to rebuke her If he had given her a good shaking she could not have felt more hurt and ruffled And then to choose this day of all others just when life was so hard to her just when she was condemned to a long imprisonment It was simply brutal of him If any one had told her that he would do such a thing she would not have believed them He had said nothing of the sort to her before though they had known each other so long but now that she was ill and helpless and unable to get away from him he had seen fit to come and lecture her Well he was a parson She might have known that sooner or later the horrid tyrannical priestly side of him would show And yet she had liked him so much trusted him so much It was indescribably bitter to think that he was no longer the hero she had thought him to be That after all he was not a grand noble selfdenying man but a faultfinding priest
She spent the rest of the afternoon in alternate wrath and grief In the evening Aunt Jean read her a somewhat dry book which required all her attention and consequently her anger cooled for want of thoughts to stimulate it Her father did not come in till late but as he carried her upstairs to bed she told him of Charles Osmonds interview
I told him you like a little opposition was his reply
I dont know about opposition but I didnt like him he showed his priestly side
I am sorry replied Raeburn For my part I genuinely like the man he seems to me a grand fellow and I should have said not in the least spoiled by his Christianity for he is neither exclusive nor narrowminded nor opposed to progress Infatuated on one point of course but a thorough man in spite of it
Left once more alone in her little attic room Erica began to think over things more quietly So her father had told him that she liked opposition and he had doled out to her a rebuke which was absolutely unanswerable But why unanswerable She had been too angry to reply at the time It was one of the few maxims her father had given her When you are angry be very slow to speak But she might write an answer a nice cold cutting answer respectful of course but very frigid She would clearly demonstrate to him that she was perfectly fair and that he her accuser was unfair
And then quite quietly she began to turn over the accusations in her mind Quoting the words of Christ without regard to the context twisting their meaning Neglecting real study of Christs character and life Seeing all through a veil of prejudice
She would begin like her father with a definition of terms What did he mean by study What did she mean by study Well such searching analysis for instance as she had applied to the character of Hamlet when she had had to get up one of Shakespeares plays for her examination She had worked very hard at that had really taken every one of his speeches and soliloquies and had tried to gather his true character from them as well as from his actions
At this point she wandered away from the subject a little and began to wonder when she should hear the result of the examination and to hope that she might get a first By and by she came to herself with a sudden and very uncomfortable shock If the sort of work she had given to Hamlet was study HAD she ever studied the character of Christ
She had all her life heard what her father had to say against Him and what a good many wellmeaning but not very convincing people had to say for Him She had heard a few sermons and several lectures on various subjects connected with Christs religion She had read many books both for and against Him She had read the New Testament But could she quite honestly say that she had STUDIED the character of Christ Had she not been predisposed to think her father in the right He would not at all approve of that Had she been a true Freethinker Had she not taken a good deal to be truth because he said it If so she was not a bit more fair than the majority of Christians who never took the trouble to go into things for themselves and study things from the point of view of an outsider
In the silence and darkness of her little room she began to suspect a good many unpleasant and hitherto unknown facts about herself
After all I do believe that Mr Osmond was right she confessed at length I am glad to get back my belief in him but Ive come to a horrid bit of lath and plaster in myself where I thought it was all good stone She fell asleep and dreamed of the heathen Chinee reading the translation of the translation of her fathers words and disbelieving altogether in that invented demagogue Luke Raeburn
The next day Charles Osmond sitting at work in his study and feeling more depressed and hopeless than he would have cared to own even to himself was roused by the arrival of a little threecornered note It was as follow
Dear Mr Osmond You made me feel very angry yesterday and sad too for of course it was a case of Et tu Brute But last night I came to the unpleasant conclusion that you were quite right and that I was quite wrong To prove to you that I am no longer angry I am going to ask you a great favor Will you teach me Greek Your parable of the heathen Chinee has set me thinking Yours very sincerely Erica Raeburn
Charles Osmond felt the tears come to his eyes The straightforward simplicity of the letter the candid avowal of having been quite wrong an avowal not easy for one of Ericas character to make touched him inexpressibly Taking a Greek grammar from his book shelves he set off at once for Guilford Terrace
He found Erica looking very white and fragile and with lines of suffering about her mouth but though physically weary her mind seemed as vigorous as ever She received him with her usual frankness and with more animation in her look than he had seen for some weeks
I did think you perfectly horrid yesterday she exclaimed And was miserable besides at the prospect of losing one of my heroes You can be very severe
The infliction of pain is only justified when the inflictor is certain or as nearly certain as he can be that the pain will be productive of good said Charles Osmond
I suppose that is the way you account for the origin of evil said Erica thoughtfully
Yes replied Charles Osmond pleased that she should have thought of the subject that to me seems the only possible explanation otherwise God would be either not perfectly good or not omnipotent His allwisdom enables Him to overrule that pain which He has willed to be the necessary outcome of infractions of His order Pain you see is made into a means of helping us to find out where that order has been broken and so teaching us to obey it in the long run
But if there is an allpowerful God wouldnt it have been much better if He had made it impossible for us to go wrong
It would have saved much trouble undoubtedly but do you think that which costs us least trouble is generally the most worth having I know a noble fellow who has fought his way upward through sins and temptations you would like him by the way for he was once an atheist He is by virtue of all he has passed through all he has overcome one of the fines men I have ever known
That is the friend I suppose whom your son mentioned to me But I dont see your argument for if there was an allpowerful God He could have caused the man you speak of to be as noble and good without passing through pain and temptation
But God does not work arbitrarily but by laws of progression Nor does His omnipotence include the working of contradictions He cannot both cause a thing to be and not to be at the same time If it is a law that that which has grown by struggle and effort shall be most noble God will not arbitrarily reverse that law or truth because the creation of sinless beings would involve less trouble
It all seems to me so unreal exclaimed Erica It seems like talking of thin air
I expect it does said Charles Osmond trying to realize to himself her position
There was a silence
How did this man of whom you speak come to desert our side asked Erica I suppose as you say he was one of the finest men you ever knew he must at least have had a great intellect How did he begin to think all these unlikely unreal things true
Donovan began by seeing the grandeur of the character of Christ He followed his example for many years calling himself all the time an atheist at last he realized that in Christ we see the Father
I am sorry we lost him if he is such a nice man was Ericas sole comment Then turning her beautiful eyes on Charles Osmond she said I hope my note did not convey to you more than I intended I asked you if you would teach me Greek and I mean to try to study the character of Christ but quite to speak the truth I dont really want to do it I only do it because I see I have not been fair
You do it for the sake of being a truthseeker the best possible reason
I thought you would think I was going to do it because I hoped to get something I thought one of your strong points was that people must come in a state of need and expecting to be satisfied I dont expect anything I am only doing it for the sake of honesty and thoroughness I dont expect any good at all
Is it likely that you can expect when you know so little what is there What can you bring better than an hones mind to the search Erica if I hadnt known that you were absolutely sincere I should not have dared to give you the pain I gave you yesterday It was my trust in your perfect sincerity which brought you that strong accusation Even then it was a sore piece of work
Did you mind it a little exclaimed Erica But directly she had spoken she felt that the question was absurd for she saw a look in Charles Osmonds eyes that made the word little a mockery
What makes that man so loving she thought to herself He reminded me almost of father yet I am no child of his I am opposed to all that he teaches I have spoken my mind out to him in a way which must sometimes have pained him Yet he cares for me so much that it pained him exceedingly to give me pain yesterday
His character puzzled her The loving breath the stern condemnation of whatever was not absolutely true the disregard of what the world said the hatred of shams and most puzzling of all the often apparent struggle with himself the unceasing effort to conquer his chief fault Yet this noble honest intellectual man was laboring under a great delusion a delusion which somehow gave him an extraordinary power of loving Ah no It could not be his Christianity though which made him loving for were not most Christians hard and bitter and narrowminded
I wish she said abruptly you would tell me what makes you willing to be friends with us I know well enough that the Church Chronicle has been punishing you for your defense of my father and that there must be a thousand disagreeables to encounter in your own set just because you visit us Why do you come
Because I care for you very much
But you care too perhaps for other people who will probably cut you for flying in the face of society and visiting social outcasts
I dont think I can explain it to you yet he replied You would only tell me as you told me once before that I was talking riddles to you When you have read your Greek Testament and really studied the life of Christ I think you will understand In the meantime St Paul I think answers your question better than I could but you wouldnt understand even his words I fancy There they are in the Greek he opened a Testament and showed her a passage I believe you would think the English almost as great gibberish as this looks to you in its unknown characters
Do you advise every one to learn Greek
No many have neither time nor ability and those who are not apt at languages would spend their time more usefully over good translations I think But you have time and brains so I am very glad to teach you
I am afraid I would much rather it were for any other purpose said Erica I am somehow weary of the very name of Christianity I have heard wrangling over the Bible till I am tired to death of it and discussions about the Atonement and the Incarnation and the Resurrection till the very words are hateful to me I am afraid I shock you but just put yourself in my place and imagine how you would feel It is not even as if I had to debate the various questions I have merely to sit and listen to a neverending dispute
You sadden me but it is quite natural that you should be weary of such debates I want you to realize though that in the stormy atmosphere of your fathers lecture hall in the din and strife of controversy it is impossible that you should gain any true idea of Christs real character Put aside all thought of the dogmas you have been wearied with and study the life of the Man
Then the lesson began It proved a treat to both teacher and pupil When Charles Osmond had left Erica still worked on
I should like at any rate to spell out his riddle she thought to herself turning back to the passage he had shown her And letter by letter and word by word she made out For the love of Christ—
The verb baffled her however and she lay on the sofa chafing at her helplessness till at length Tom happened to come in and brought her the English Testament she needed Ah There it was For the love of Christ constraineth us
Was THAT what had made him come Why that was the alleged reason for half the persecutions they met with Did the love of Christ constrain Charles Osmond to be their friend and at the same time constrain the clergy of X______ not many years before to incite the people to stone her father and offer him every sort of insult Was it possible that the love of Christ constrained Mr Osmond to endure contempt and censure on their behalf and constrained Mr Randolph to hire a band of roughs to interrupt her fathers speeches
He is a grand exception to the general rule she said to herself If there were many Christians like him I should begin to think there must be something more in Christianity than we thought Well if only to please him I must try to study the New Testament over again and as thoroughly as I can No not to please him though but for the sake of being quite honest I would much rather be working at that new book of Tyndalls
CHAPTER XV An Interval
How can man love but what he yearns to help R Browning
During the year of Ericas illness Brian began to realize his true position toward her better than he had hitherto done
He saw quite well that any intrusion of his love even any slight manifestation of it might do untold harm She was not ready for it yet why he could not have told
The truth was that his Undine although in many respects a highsouled woman was still in some respects a child She would have been merely embarrassed by his love she did not want it She liked him very much as an acquaintance he was to her Toms friend or her doctor or perhaps Mr Osmonds son In this way she liked him was even fond of him but as a lover he would have been a perplexing embarrassment
He knew well enough that her frank liking boded ill for his future success but in spite of that he could not help being glad to obtain any footing with her It was something even to be Toms friend Brian He delighted in hearing his name from her lips although knowing that it was no good augury He lived on from day to day thinking very little of the doubtful future as long as he could serve her in the present A reserved and silent man devoted to his profession and to practical science of every kind few people guessed that he could have any particular story of his own He was not at all the sort of man who would be expected to fall hopelessly in love at first sight nor would any one have selected him as a good modern specimen of the chivalrous knight of olden times he was so completely a nineteenthcentury man so progressive so scientific But though his devotion was of the silent order it was perhaps for that reason all the truer There was about him a sort of divine patience As long as he could serve Erica he was content to wait any number of years in the hope of winning her love He accepted his position readily He knew that she had not the slightest love for him He was quite secondary to his father even who was one of Ericas heroes He liked to make her talk of him her enthusiastic liking was delightful perhaps all the more so because she was far from agreeing with her prophet Brian with the wonderful selfforgetfulness of true love liked to hear the praises of all those whom she admired he liked to realize what were her ideals even when conscious how far he fell short of them
For it was unfortunately true that his was not the type of character she was most likely to admire As a friend she might like him much but he could hardly be her hero His wonderful patience was quite lost upon her she hardly counted patience as a virtue at all His grand humility merely perplexed her it was at present far beyond her comprehension While his willingness to serve every one even in the most trifling and petty concerns of daily life she often attributed to mere good nature Grand acts of selfsacrifice she admired enthusiastically but the more really difficult round of small denials and trifling services she did not in the least appreciate Absorbed in the contemplation as it were of the Hamlets in life she had no leisure to spare for the Horatios
She proved a capital patient her whole mind was set on getting well and her steady common sense and obedience to rules made her a great favorite with her elder doctor Really healthy and only invalided by the hard work and trouble she had undergone seven or eight months rest did wonders for her In the enforced quiet too she found plenty of time for study Charles Osmond had never had a better pupil They learned to know each other very well during those lessons and many were the perplexing questions which Erica started But they were not as before a mere repetition of the difficulties she had been primed with at her fathers lecture hall nor did she bring them forward with the triumphant conviction that they were unanswerable They were real honest questions desiring and seeking everywhere for the true answer which might be somewhere
The result of her study of the life of Christ was at first to make her a much better secularist She found to her surprise that there was much in His teaching that entirely harmonized with secularism that in fact He spoke a great deal about the improvement of this world and scarcely at all about that place in the clouds of which Christians made so much By the end of a year she had also reached the conviction that whatever interpolations there might be in the gospels no untrue writer no admiring but dishonest narrator COULD have conceived such a character as that of Christ For she had dug down to the very root of the matter She had left for the present the to her perplexing and almost irritating catalogue of miracles and had begun to perceive the strength and indomitable courage the grand selfdevotion the allembracing love of the man Very superficial had been her former view He had been to her a shadowy unreal being soft and gentle even a little effeminate speaking sometimes what seemed to her narrow words about only saving the lost sheep of the house of Israel A character somehow wanting in that Power and Intellect which she worshipped
But on a really deep study she saw how greatly she had been mistaken Extraordinarily mistaken both as to the character and the teaching Christ was without doubt a grand ideal To be as broadhearted as he was as universally loving it would be no bad aim And as in daily life Erica realized how hard was the practice of that love she realized at the same time the loftiness of the ideal and the weakness of her own powers
But though I do begin to see why you take this man as your ideal she said one day to Charles Osmond I can not of course accept a great deal that He is said to have taught When He speaks of love to men that is understandable one can try to obey but when he speaks about God then of course I can only think that He was deluded You may admire Joan of Arc and see the great beauty of her character yet at the same time believe that she was acting under a delusion you may admire the character of Gotama without considering Buddhism the true religion and so with Christ I may reverence and admire His character while believing Him to have been mistaken
Charles Osmond smiled He knew from many trifling signs unnoticed by others that Erica would have given a great deal to see her way to an honest acceptance of that teaching of Christ which spoke of an unseen but everywhere present Father of all of the everlastingness of love of a reunion with those who are dead She hardly allowed to herself that she longed to believe it she dreaded the least concession to that natural craving she distrusted her own truthfulness feared above all things that she might be deluded might imagine that to be true which was in reality false
And happily her prophet was too wise to attempt in any way to quicken the work which was going on within her he was one of those rare men who can be even in such a case content to wait He would as soon have thought of digging up a seed to see whether he could not quicken its slow development of root and stem as of interfering in any way with Erica He came and went taught her Greek and always day after day week after week month after month however much pressed by his parish work however harassed by private troubles he came to her with the genial sympathy the broadhearted readiness to hear calmly all sides of the question which had struck her so much the very first time she had met him
The other members of the family liked him almost as well although they did not know him so intimately as Erica Aunt Jean who had at first been a little prejudiced against him ended by singing his praises more loudly than any one perhaps conquered in spite of herself by the mans extraordinary power of sympathy his ready perception of good even in those with whom he disagreed most
Mrs Craigie was in many respects very like her brother and was a very useful worker though much of her work was little seen She did not speak in public all the oratorical powers of the family seemed to have concentrated themselves in Luke Raeburn but she wrote and worked indefatigably proving a very useful second to her brother A hard wearing life however had told a good deal upon her and trouble had somewhat imbittered her nature She had not the vein of humor which had stood Raeburn in such good stead Severely materoffact and almost despising those who had any poetry in their nature she did not always agree very well with Erica The two loved each other sincerely and were far too loyal both to clan and creed to allow their differences really to separate them but there was undoubtedly something in their natures which jarred Even Tom found it hard at times to bear the strong infusion of bitter criticism which his mother introduced into the home atmosphere He was something of a philosopher however and knowing that she had been through great trouble and had had much to try her he made up his mind that it was natural therefore inevitable therefore to be borne
The home life was not without its frets and petty trials but on one point there was perfect accord All were devoted to the head of the house would have sacrificed anything to bring him a few minutes peace
As for Raeburn when not occupied in actual conflict he lived in a sort of serene atmosphere of thought and study far removed from all the small differences and little cares of his household They invariably smoothed down all such roughnesses in his presence and probably in any case he would have been unable to see such microscopic grievances unless indeed they left any shade of annoyance on Ericas face and then his fatherhood detected at once what was wrong
It would be tedious however to follow the course of Ericas life for the next three years for though the time was that of her chief mental growth her days were of the quietest Not till she was twoandtwenty did she fully recover from the effects of her sudden sorrow and the subsequent overwork In the meantime her fathers influence steadily deepened and spread throughout the country and troubles multiplied
CHAPTER XVI Hyde Park
Who spouts his message to the wilderness
Lightens his soul and feels one burden less
But to the people preach and you will find
Theyll pay you back with thanks ill to your mind
Goethe Translated by JSB
Hyde Park is a truly national property and it is amusing and perhaps edifying to note the various uses to which it is often put In the morning it is the rendezvous of nurses and children in the afternoon of a fashionable throng on Sunday evenings it is the resort of hardworking men and women who have to content themselves with getting a breath of fresh air once a week But above all the park is the meeting place of the people the place for mass meetings and monster demonstrations
On a bright day in June when the trees were still in their freshest green the crowd of wealth and fashion had beaten an ignominious retreat before a great political demonstration to be held that afternoon
Every one knew that the meeting would be a very stormy one for it related to the most burning question of the day a question which was hourly growing more and more momentous and which for the time had divided England into two bitterly opposed factions
These years which Erica had passed so quietly had been eventful years for the country years of strife and bloodshed years of reckless expenditure years which deluded some and enraged others provoking most bitter animosity between the opposing parties The question was not a class question and a certain number of the working classes and a large number of the London roughs warmly espoused the cause of that party which appealed to their love of power and to a selfish patriotism The Hyde Park meeting would inevitably be a turbulent one Those who wished to run no risk remained at home Rotten Row was deserted the carriage road almost empty while from the gateways there poured in a never ending stream of people some seriouslooking some eager and excited some with a dangerously vindictive look some merely curious Every now and then the more motley and disorderly crowd was reinforced by a club with its brass band and banners and gradually the mass of human beings grew from hundreds to a thousand from one thousand to many thousands until indeed it became almost impossible to form any idea of the actual numbers so enormous was the gathering
We shall have a bad time of it today remarked Raeburn to Brian as they forced their way on If Im not very much mistaken too we are vastly outnumbered
He looked round the huge assembly from his vantage ground of six foot four his cool intrepidity not one whit shaken by the knowledge that by what he was about to say he should draw down on his own head all the wrath of the roughest portion of the crowd
Twill be against fearful odds said Tom elbowing vigorously to keep up with his companion
We fear nae foe said Raeburn quoting his favorite motto And after all it were no bad end to die protesting against wicked rapacity needless bloodshed
His eye kindled as he thought of the protest he hoped to make his heart beat high as he looked round upon the throng so largely composed of those hostile to himself Was there not a demand for his superabundant energy A demand for the tremendous powers of endurance of influence of devotion which were stored up within him As an athlete joys in trying a difficult feat as an artist joys in attempting a lofty subject so Raeburn in his consciousness of power in his absolute conviction of truth joyed in the prospect of a most dangerous conflict
Brian watching him presently from a little distance could not wonder at the immense influence he had gained in the country The mere physique of the man was wonderfully impressive the strong rugged Scottish face the latent power conveyed in his whole bearing He was no demagogue he never flattered the people he preached indeed a somewhat severe creed but even in his sternest mood the hold he got over the people the power he had of raising the most degraded to a higher level was marvelous It was not likely however that his protest of today would lead to anything but a free fight If he could make himself effectually heard he cared very little for what followed It was necessary that a protest should be made and he was the right man to make it therefore come ill or well he would go through with it and if he escaped with his life so much the better
The meeting began A moderate speaker was heard without interruption but the instant Raeburn stood up a chorus of yells arose For several minutes he made no attempt to speak but his dignity seemed to grow in proportion with the indignities offered him He stood there towering above the crowd like a rock of strength scanning the thousands of faces with the steady gaze of one who in thinking of the progress of the race had lost all consciousness of his own personality He had come there to protest against injustice to use his vast strength for others to spend and be spent for millions to die if need be Raeburn was made of the stuff of which martyrs are made standing there face to face with an angry crowd which might at any moment break loose and trample him to death or tear him to pieces his heart was nevertheless all aglow with the righteousness of his cause with the burning desire to make an availing protest against an evil which was desolating thousands of homes
The majesty of his calmness began to influence the mob the hisses and groans died away into silence such comparative silence that is as was compatible with the greatness of the assembly Then Raeburn braced himself up dignified before he now seemed even more erect and stately The knowledge that for the moment he had that huge crowd entirely under control was stimulating in the highest degree In a minute his stentorian voice was ringing out fearlessly into the vast arena thousands of hearts were vibrating to his impassioned appeal To each one it seemed as if he individually were addressed
You who call yourselves Englishmen I come to appeal to you today You who call yourselves freemen I come to tell you that you are acting like slaves
Then with rare tact he alluded to the strongest points of the British character touching with consummate skill the vulnerable parts of his audience He took for granted that their aims were pure their standard lofty and by the very supposition raised for a time the most abject of his hearers inspired them with his own enthusiasm
Presently when he felt secure enough to venture it when the crowd was hanging on his words with breathless attention he appealed no longer directly to the people but drew in graphic language the picture of the desolations brought by war The simplicity of his phrases his entire absence of showiness or bombast made his influence indescribably deep and powerful A mere ranter a frothy mob orator would have been silenced long before
But this man had somehow got hold of the great assembly had conquered them by sheer force of will in a battle of one will against thousands the one had conquered and would hold its own till it had administered the hard homethrust which would make the thousands wince and retaliate
Now under the power of that sledgehammer Saxon that marvelously graphic picture of misery and bereavement hardheaded and hitherto hard hearted men were crying like children Then came the rugged unvarnished statement shouted forth in the speakers sternest voice
All this is being done in your name men of England Not only in your name but at your cost You are responsible for this bloodshed this misery How long is it to go on How long are you free men going to allow yourselves to be bloody executioners How long are you to be slavish followers of that grasping ambition which veils its foulness under the fair name of patriotism
Loud murmurs began to arise at this and the orator knew that the ground swell betokened the coming storm He proceeded with tenfold energy his words came down like hailstones with a fiery indignation he delivered his mighty philippic in a torrent of forceful words he launched out the most tremendous denunciation he had ever uttered
The string had been gradually worked up to its highest possible tension at length when the strain was the greatest it suddenly snapped Raeburns will had held all those thousands in check he had kept his bitterest enemies hanging on his words he had lashed them into fury and still kept his grip over them he had worked them up gaining more and more power over them till at length as he shouted forth the last words of a grand peroration the bitterness and truth of his accusations proved keener than his restraining influence
He had foreseen that the spell would break and he knew the instant it was broken A moment before and he had been able to sway that huge crowd as he pleased now he was at their mercy No will power no force of language no strength of earnestness or truth would avail him now All that he had to trust to was his immense physical strength and what was that when measured against thousands
He saw the dangerous surging movement in the sea of heads and knew only too well what it betokened With a frightful yell of mingled hatred and execration the seething human mass bore down upon him His own followers and friends did what they could for him but that was very little His case was desperate Desperation however inspires some people with an almost superhuman energy Life was sweet and that day he fought for his life The very shouting and hooting of the mob the roar of the angry multitude which might well have filled even a brave man with panic stimulated him strengthened him to resist to the uttermost
He fought like a lion forcing his way through the furious crowd attacked in the most brutal way on every side yet ever struggling on if only by inches Never once did his steadfastness waver never for a single instant did his spirit sink His unfailing presence of mind enabled him to get through what would have been impossible to most men his great height and strength stood him in good stead while the meanness and the injustice of the attack the immense odds against which he was fighting nerved him for the struggle
It was more like a hideous nightmare than a piece of actual life those fierce tiger faces swarming around that roar of vindictive anger that frightful crushing that hail storm of savage blows But whether life or nightmare it must be gone through with In the thick of the fight a line of Goethe came to his mind one of his favorite mottoes Make good thy standing place and move the world
And even then he half smiled to himself at the forlornness of the hope that he should ever need a standing place again
With renewed vigor he fought his way on and with a sort of glow of triumph and newborn hope had almost seen his way to a place of comparative safety when a fearful blow hopelessly maimed him With a vain struggle to save himself he fell to the earth a vision of fierce faces green leaves and blue sky flashed before his eyes an inward vision of Erica a moments agony and then the surging crowd closed over him and he knew no more
CHAPTER XVII At Deaths Door
Sorrow and wrong are pangs of a new birth
All we who suffer bleed for one another
No life may live alone but all in all
We lie within the tomb of our dead selves
Waiting till One command us to arise Hon Boden Noel
Knowing that Erica would have a very anxious afternoon Charles Osmond gave up his brief midday rest snatched a hasty lunch at a thirdrate restaurant finished his parish visits sooner than usual and reached the little house in Guilford Terrace in time to share the worst part of her waiting He found her hard at work as usual her table strewn with papers and books of reference Raeburn had purposely left her some work to do for him which he knew would fully occupy her but the mere fact that she knew he had done it on purpose to engross her mind with other matters entirely prevented her from giving it her full attention She had never felt more thankful to see Charles Osmond than at that moment
When your whole heart and mind are in Hyde Park how are you to drag them back to what some vindictive old early Father said about the eternity of punishment she exclaimed with a smile which very thinly disguised her consuming anxiety
They sat down near the open window Erica taking possession of that side which commanded the view of the entrance of the culdesac Charles Osmond did not speak for a minute or two but sat watching her trying to realize to himself what such anxiety as hers must be She was evidently determined to keep outwardly calm not to let her fears gain undue power over her but she could not conceal the nervous trembling which beset her at every sound of wheels in the quiet square nor did she know that in her brave eyes there lurked the most visible manifestation possible of haggard anxious waiting She sat with her watch in her hand the little watch that Eric Haeberlein had given her when she was almost a child and which even in the days of their greatest poverty her father had never allowed her to part with What strange hours it had often measured for her Agelong hours of grief weary days of illness and pain times of eager expectation times of sickening anxiety times of mental conflict of baffling questions and perplexities How the hands seemed to creep on this afternoon at times almost to stand still
Now I suppose if you were in my case you would pray said Erica raising her eyes to Charles Osmond It must be a relief but yet when you come to analyze it it is most illogical a fearful waste of time If there is a God who works by fixed laws and who sees the whole maze of every ones life before hand then the particular time and manner of my fathers death must be already appointed and no prayer of mine that he may come safely through this afternoons danger can be of the least avail Besides if a God could be turned round from His original purpose by human wills and much speaking I hardly think He would be worth believing in
You are taking the lowest view of prayer mere petition but even that I think is set on its right footing as soon as we grasp the true conception of the ideal father Do you mean to say that because your fathers rules were unwavering and his days work marked out beforehand he did not like you to come to him when you were a little child with all your wishes and longings and requests even though they were sometimes childish and often impossible to gratify Would he have been better pleased if you had shut up everything in your own heart and never of your own accord told him anything about your babyish plans and wants
Still prayer seems to me a waste of time said Erica
What If it brings you a talk with your Father If it is a relief to you and a pleasure because a sign of trust and love to Him But in one way I entirely agree with you unless it is spontaneous it is not only useless but harmful Imagine a child forced to talk to its father And this seems to me the truest defense of prayer to the natural man it always will seem foolishness to the spiritual man to one who has recognized the AllFather it is the absolute necessity of life And I think by degrees one passes from eager petition for personal and physical good things into the truer and more Christlike spirit of prayer These are my fears these are my wishes but not my will but Thine be done Shakespeare had got hold of a grand truth it seems to me when he said
So find we profit by losing of our prayers
And yet your ideal man distinctly said Ask and ye shall receive said Erica There are no limitations For aught we know some pigheaded fanatic may be at this moment praying that God in His mercy would rid the earth of that most dangerous man Luke Raeburn while I might be of course I am not but it is conceivable that I might be praying for his safety Both of us might claim the same promise Ask and ye shall receive
You forget one thing said Charles Osmond You would both pray to the Father and His answer which you by the way might consider no answer would be the answer of a father Do you not think the fanatic would certainly find profit in having his most unbrotherly request disregarded And the true loss or gain of prayer would surely be in this The fanatic would by his unChristlike request put himself further from God you by your spontaneous and natural avowal of need and recognition of a Supreme loving will would draw nearer to God Nor do we yet at all understand the extraordinary influence exerted on others by any steady earnest concentration of thought science is but just awakening to the fact that there is an unknown power which we have hitherto never dreamed of I have great hope that in this direction as in all others science may show us the hidden workings of our Father
Erica forgot her anxiety for a moment she was watching Charles Osmonds face with mingled curiosity and perplexity To speak to one whose belief in the Unseen seemed stronger and more influential than most peoples belief in the seen was always very strange to her and with her prophet she was almost always conscious of this double life SHE considered it double a real outer and an imaginary inner His strong conviction the everyday language which he used in speaking of those truths which most people from a mistaken notion of reverence wrap up in a sort of ecclesiastical phraseology above all the carrying out in his life of the idea of universal brotherhood with so many a mere form of words all served to impress Erica very deeply She knew him too well and loved him too truly to pause often as it were to analyze his character Every now and then however some new phase was borne in upon her and some chance word emphasizing the difference between them forced her from sheer honesty to own how much that was noble seemed in him to be the outcome of faith in Christ
They went a little more deeply into the prayer question Then with the wonder growing on her more and more Erica suddenly exclaimed It is so wonderful to me that you can believe without logical proof believe a thing which affects your whole life so immensely and yet be unable to demonstrate the very existence of a God
Do you believe your father loves you asked Charles Osmond
My father Why of course
You cant logically prove that his love has any true existence
Why yes exclaimed Erica Not a day passes without some word look thought which would prove it to any one If there is one thing that I am certain of in the whole world it is that my father loves me Why you who know him so well you must know that You must have seen that
All his care of you may be mere selfinterest said Charles Osmond Perhaps he puts on a sort of appearance of affection for you just for the sake of what people would say not a very likely thing for Mr Raeburn to consider I own Still you cant demonstrate to me that his love is a reality
But I KNOW it is cried Erica vehemently
Of course you know my child you know in your heart and our hearts can teach us what no power of intellect no skill in logic can every teach us You cant logically prove the existence of your fathers love and I cant logically prove the existence of the allFather but in our hearts we both of us know The deepest most sacred realities are generally those of heartknowledge and quite out of the pale of logic
Erica did not speak but sat musing After all what COULD be proved with absolute certainty Why nothing except such bare facts as that two and two make four Was even mathematical proof so absolutely certain Were they not already beginning to talk of a possible fourth dimension of space when even that might no longer be capable of demonstration
Well setting aside actual proof she resumed after a silence how do you bring it down even to a probability that God is
We must all of us start with a supposition said Charles Osmond There must on the one hand either be everlasting matter or everlasting force whether these be two real existences or whether matter be only force conditioned or on the other hand you have the alternative of the everlasting He You at present base your belief on the first alternative I base mine on the last which I grant you is at the outset the most difficult of the two I find however that nine times out of ten the most difficult theory is the truest Granting the everlasting He you must allow selfconsciousness without which there could be no all powerful all knowledgefull and all lovefull We will not quarrel about names call the Everlasting what you please Father seems to me at once the highest and simplest name
But evil broke in Erica triumphantly If He originates all he must originate evil as well as good
Certainly said Charles Osmond He has expressly told us so I form the light and create darkness I make peace and create evil I the Lord do all these things
I recollect now we spoke of this two or three years ago said Erica You said that the highest good was attained by passing through struggles and temptations
Think of it in this way said Charles Osmond The Father is educating His children what education was ever brought about without pain The wise human father does not so much shield his child from small pains but encourages him to get wisdom from them for the future tries to teach him endurance and courage Pain is necessary as an element in education possibly there is no evolution possible without it The father may regret it but if he is wise knows that it must be He suffers twice as much as the child from the infliction of the pain The AllFather being at once allknowing and allloving can see the end of the education while we only see it in process and perhaps exclaim What a frightful state of things or like your favorite Stephen Blackpool Its all a muddle
And the end you consider to be perfection and eternal union with God How can you think immortality probable
It is the necessary outcome of belief in such a God such a Father as we have spoken of What Could God have willed that His children whom He really loves should after a time fade utterly away If so He would be less loving than an average earthly father If He did indeed love them and would fain have had them ever with Him but could not then He would not be allpowerful
I see you a universalist a great contrast to my Early Father here who gloats over the delightful prospect of watching from his comfortable heaven the tortures of all unbelievers But tell me what do you think would be our position in your unseen world I suppose the mere realization of having given ones life in a mistaken cause would be about the most terrible pain conceivable
I think said Charles Osmond with one of his grave quiet smiles that death will indeed be your gate of life that seeing the light you will come to your true self and exclaim Whod have thought it
The every day language sounded quaint it made Erica smile but Charles Osmond continued with a brightness in his eyes which she was far from understanding And you know there are to be those who shall say Lord when saw we Thee in distress and helped Thee They had not recognized Him here but He recognized them there They shared in the Come ye blessed of my Father
Well said Erica thoughtfully if any Christianity be true it must be your loving belief not the bloodthirsty scheme of the Calvinists If THAT could by any possibility be true I should greatly prefer like Kingsleys dear old Wulf to share hell with my own people
The words had scarcely left her lips when with a startled cry she sprung to her feet and hurried to the door The next moment Charles Osmond saw Tom pass the window he was unmistakably the bearer of bad news
His first panting words were reassuring Brian says you are not to be frightened but they were evidently the mere repetition of a message Tom himself was almost hopeless his wrath and grief become more apparent every minute as he gave an incoherent account of the afternoons work
The brutes the fiends had half killed the chieftain had set on him like so many tigers Brian and Hazeldine were bringing him home had sent him on to prepare
Erica had listened so far with a colorless face and hands tightly clasped but the word prepare seemed to bring new life to her In an instant she was her strongest self
They will never try to take him up that steep narrow staircase Quick Tom Help me to move this couch into the study
The little Irish servant was pressed into the service too and sent upstairs to fetch and carry and in a very few minutes the preparations were complete and Erica had at hand all the appliances most likely to be needed Just as all was done and she was beginning to feel that a minutes pause would be the last straw Tom heard the sound of wheels in the square and hurried out Erica stood in the doorway watching and presently saw a small crowd of helpers bearing a deathly looking burden Whiteness of death redness of blood The ground seemed rocking beneath her feet when a strong hand took hers and drew her into the house
Dont be afraid said a voice which she knew to be Brians though a black mist would not let her see him He was conscious a minute ago this is only from the pain of moving Which room
The study she replied recovering herself Give me something to do Brian quickly
He saw that in doing lay her safety and kept her fully employed so much so indeed that from sheer lack of time she was able to stave off the faintness which had threatened to overpower her After a time her father came to himself and Ericas face which had been the last in his mind in full consciousness was the first which now presented itself to his awakening gaze He smiled
Well Erica So after all they havent quite done for me Nine lives like a cat as I always told you
His voice was faint but with all his wonted energy he raised himself before they could remonstrate He was far more injured however than he knew with a stifled groan he fell back once more in a swoon and it was many hours before they were able to restore him
After that fever set in and a shadow as of death fell on the house in Guilford Terrace Doctors came and went Brian almost lived with his patient friends Raeburn had hosts of them came with help of every description The gloomy little alley admitted every day crowds of inquirers who came to the door read the bulletin glanced up at the windows and went away looking graver than when they came
Erica lost count of time altogether The past seemed blotted out the weight of the present was so great that she would not admit any thought of the future though conscious always of a blank dread which she dared not pause to analyze sufficient indeed for her day was the evil thereof She struggled on somehow with a sort of despairing strength only once or twice did she even recollect the outside world
It happened that on the first Wednesday after the Hyde Park meeting some one mentioned the day of the week in her hearing She was in the sickroom at the time but at once remembered that her weeks work was untouched that she had not written a line for the IdolBreaker Every idea seemed to have gone out of her head for a minute she felt that to save her life she could not write a line But still she conscientiously struggled to remember what subject had been allotted her and in the temporary stillness of the first nightwatch drew writing materials toward her and leaned her head on her hands until almost by an effort of will she at length recalled the theme for her article
Of course It was to be that disgraceful disturbance in the church at Z______ She remembered the whole affair now it all rose up before her graphically not a bad subject at all Their party might make a good deal by it Her article must be bright descriptive sarcastic Yet how was she to write such an article when her heart felt like lead An involuntary I cant rose to her lips and she glanced at her fathers motionless form her eyes filling with tears Then one of his sayings came to her mind No such word as Cant in the dictionary and began to write rapidly almost defiantly No sooner had she begun than her very exhaustion the lateness of the hour and the stress of circumstance came to her aid she had never before written so brilliantly
The humor of the scene struck her little flashes of mirth at the expense of both priest and people delicate sarcasms the more searching from their very refinement awoke in her brain and were swiftly transcribed In the middle of one of the most daring sentences Raeburn stirred Ericas pen was thrown down at once she was at his side absorbed once more in attending to his wants forgetful quite of religious controversy of the IdolBreaker of anything in fact in the whole world but her father Not till an hour had passed was she free to finish her writing but by the time her aunt came to relieve guard at two oclock the article was finished and Erica stole noiselessly into the next room to put it up
To her surprise she found that Tom had not gone to bed He was still toiling away at his desk with a towel round his head she could almost have smiled at the ludicrous mixture of grief and sleepiness on his face had not her own heart been so loaded with care and sadness The post brought in what Tom described as bushels of letters every day and he was working away at them now with sleepy heroism
How tired you look said Erica See I have brought in this for the Idol
Youve been writing it now That is good of you I was afraid we should have to make up with some wretched padding of Blanks
He took the sheets from her and began to read Laughter is often only one remove from grief and Tom though he was sadhearted enough could not keep his countenance through Ericas article First his shoulders began to shake then he burst into such a paroxysm of noiseless laughter that Erica fearing that he could not restrain himself and would be heard in the sickroom pulled the towel from his forehead over his mouth then conquered herself by the absurdity of his appearance she was obliged to bury her own face in her hands laughing more and more whenever the incongruousness of the laughter occurred to her When they had exhausted themselves the profound depression which had been the real cause of the violent reaction returned with double force Tom sighed heavily and finished reading the article with the gravest of faces He was astonished that Erica could have written at such a time an article positively scintillating with mirth
How did you manage anything so witty tonight of all nights he asked
Dont you remember Hans Andersens clown Punchinello said Erica He never laughed and joked so gayly as the night when his love died and his own heart was broken
There was a look in her eyes which made Tom reply quickly Dont write any more just now the professor has promised us something for next week Dont write any more till till the chieftain is well
After that she wished him good night rather hastily crept upstairs to her attic and threw herself down on her bed Why had he spoken of the future Why had his voice hesitated No she would not think she would not
So the article appeared in that weeks IdolBreaker and thousands and thousands of people laughed over it It even excited displeased comment from the other side and in many ways did a great deal of what in Guilford Terrace was considered good work For Erica herself it was long before she had time to give it another thought it was to her only a desperately hard duty which she had succeeded in doing Nobody every guessed how much it had cost her
The weary time dragged on days and weeks passed by Raeburn was growing weaker but clung to life with extraordinary tenacity And now very bitterly they felt the evils of this voluntarily embraced poverty for the summer heat was for a few days almost tropical and the tiny little rooms in the lodginghouse were stifling Brian was very anxious to have the patient moved across to his fathers house but though Charles Osmond said all he could in favor of the scheme the other doctors would not consent thinking the risk of removal too great And besides it would be useless they maintained the atheist was evidently dying Brian who was the youngest could not carry out his wishes in defiance of the others but he would not deny himself the hope of even yet saving Ericas father He devised punkahs became almost nurse and doctor in one and utterly refused to lose heart Erica herself was the only other person who shared his hopefulness or perhaps her feeling could hardly be described by that word she was not hopeful but she had so resolutely set herself to live in the present that she had managed altogether to crowd out the future and with it the worst fear
One day however it broke upon her suddenly Some one had left a newspaper in the sickroom it was weeks since she had seen one and in a brief interval while her father slept or seemed to sleep she took it up half mechanically How much it would have interested her a little while ago how meaningless it all seemed to her now Latest Telegrams News from the Seat of War Parliamentary Intelligence a speech by Sir Michael Cunningham one of her heroes on a question in which she was interested She could not read it all the life seemed gone out of it today the paper was nothing to her but a broad sheet with so many columns of printed matter But as she was putting it down their own name caught her eye All at once her benumbed faculties regained their power her heart began to beat wildly for there in clearest print in short choppy unequivocal sentences was the hideous fear which she had contrived so long to banish
Mr Raeburn is dying The bulletins have daily been growing less and less hopeful Yesterday doctor R______ who had been called in could only confirm the unfavorable opinion of the other doctors In all probability the days of the great apostle of atheism are numbered It rests with the Hyde Park rioters and those who by word and example have incited them to bear the responsibility of making a martyr of such a man as Mr Luke Raeburn Emphatically disclaiming the slightest sympathy with Mr Raeburns religious views we yet—
But Erica could read no more Whatever modicum of charity the writer ventured to put forth was lost upon her The opening sentence danced before her eyes in letters of fire That morning she met Brian in the passage and drew him into the sitting room He saw at once how it was with her
Look she said holding the newspaper toward him is that true Or is it only a sensation trap or written for party purposes
Her delicate lips were closed with their hardest expression her eyes only looked grave and questioning She watched his face as he read lost her last hope and with the look of such anguish as he had never before seen drew the paper from him and caught his hand in hers in wild entreaty
Oh Brian Brian Is there no hope Surely you can do something for him There MUST be hope he is so strong so full of life
He struggled hard for voice and words to answer her but the imploring pressure of her hands on his had nearly unnerved him Already the grief that kills lurked in her eyes he knew that if her father died she would not long survive him
Dont say what is untrue she continued Dont let me drive you into telling a lie but only tell me if there is indeed no hope no chance
It may be said Brian You must not expect for those far wiser than I say it can not be But I hope yes I still hope
On that crumb of comfort she lived but it was a weary day and for the first time she noticed that her father who was free from fever followed her everywhere with his eyes She knew intuitively that he thought himself dying
Toward evening she was sitting beside him slowly drawing her fingers through his thick masses of snowwhite hair in the way he liked best when he looked suddenly right into her eyes with his own strangely similar ones deep earnest eyes full now of a sort of dumb yearning
Little son Eric he said faintly you will go on with the work I am leaving
Yes father she replied firmly though her heart felt as if it would break
A harmful delusion he murmured half to himself taking up our best men Swallowing up the money of the people Whats that singing Erica
It is the children in the hospital she replied Ill shut the window if they disturb you father
No he said One can tolerate the delusion for them if it makes their pain more bearable Poor bairns Poor bairns Pain is an odd mystery
He drew down her hand and held it in his seeming to listen to the singing which floated in clearly through the open window at right angles with the back windows of the hospital Neither of them knew what the hymn was but the refrain which came after every verse as if even the tinies were joining in it was quite audible to Luke Raeburn and his daughter
Through lifes long day and deaths dark night Oh gentle Jesus be our light
Ericas breath came in gasps To be reminded then that life was long and that death was dark
She thought she had never prayed she had never consciously prayed but her whole life for the past three years had been an unspoken prayer Never was there a more true desire entirely unexpressed than the desire which now seemed to possess her whole being The darkness would soon hide forever the being she most loved Oh if she could but honestly think that He who called Himself the Light of the world was indeed still living still ready to help
But to allow her distress to gain the mastery over her would certainly disturb and grieve her father With a great effort she stifled the sobs which would rise in her throat and waited in rigid stillness When the last notes of the hymn had died away into silence she turned to look at her father He had fallen asleep
CHAPTER XVIII Answered or Unanswered
Glory to God to God he saith
Knowledge by suffering entereth
And life is perfected by death E B Browning
Mr Raeburn is curiously like the celebrated dog of nursery lore who appertained to the ancient and farfamed Mother Hubbard All the doctors gave him up all the secularists prepared mourning garments the printers were meditating black borders for the IdolBreaker the relative merits of burial and cremation were already in discussion when the dog we beg pardon the leader of atheism came to life again
She went to the joiners to buy him a coffin
But when she came back the dog was laughing
History as a great man was fond of remarking repeats itself
Raeburn laughed heartily over the accounts of his recovery in the comic papers No one better appreciated the very clever representation of himself as a huge bulldog starting up into life while Britannia in widows weeds brought in a parish coffin Erica would hardly look at the thing she had suffered too much to be able to endure any jokes on the subject and she felt hurt and angry that what had given her such anguish should be turned into a foolish jest
At length after many weeks of weary anxiety she was able to breathe freely once more for her father steadily regained his strength The devotion of her whole time and strength and thought to another had done wonders for her her character had strangely deepened and mellowed But no sooner was she free to begin her ordinary life than new perplexities beset her on every side
During her own long illness she had of course been debarred from attending any lectures or meetings whatever In the years following before she had quite regained her strength she had generally gone to hear her father but had never become again a regular attendant at the lecture hall Now that she was quite well however there was nothing to prevent her attending as many lectures as she pleased and naturally her position as Luke Raeburns daughter made her presence desirable So it came to pass one Sunday evening in July that she happened to be present at a lecture given by a Mr Masterman
He was a man whom they knew intimately Erica liked him sufficiently well in private life and he had been remarkably kind and helpful at the time of her fathers illness It was some years however since she had heard him lecture and this evening by the virulence of his attack on the character of Christ he revealed to her how much her ground had shifted since she had last heard him It was not that he was an opponent of existing Christianity her father was that she herself was that and felt bound to be as long as she considered it a lie but Mr Mastermans attack seemed to her grossly unfair almost willfully inaccurate and in addition his sarcasm and pleasantries seemed to her odiously vulgar He was answered by a most miserable representative of Christianity who made a foolish weak blustering speech and tried to pay the atheist back in his own coin Erica felt wretched She longed to get up and speak herself longing flatly to contradict the champion of her own cause then grew frightened at the strength of her feelings Could this be mere love of fair play and justice Was her feeling merely that of a barrister who would argue as well on one side as the other And yet her displeasure in itself proved little or nothing Would not Charles Osmond be displeased and indignant if he heard her father unjustly spoken of Yes but then Luke Raeburn was a living man and Christ was she even sure that he had ever lived Well yes sure of that but of how much more
When the assembly broke up her mind was in a miserable chaos of doubt
It was one of those delicious summer evenings when even in East London the skies are mellow and the air sweet and cool
Oh Tom let us walk home she exclaimed longing for change of scene and exercise
All right he replied Ill take you a short cut if you dont mind a few back slums to begin with
Now Erica was familiar enough with the sight of poverty and squalor she had not lived at the West End where you may entirely forget the existence of the poor The knowledge of evil had come to her of necessity much earlier than to most girls and tonight as Tom took her through a succession of narrow streets and dirty courts misery and vice and hopeless degradation met her on every side Swarms of filthy little children wrangled and fought in the gutters drunken women shouted foul language at one another everywhere was wickedness everywhere want Her heart felt as if it would break What was to reach these poor miserable fellow creatures of hers Who was to raise them out of their horrible plight The coarse distortion and the narrow contraction of Christs teaching which she had just heard offered no remedy for this evil Nor could she think that secularism would reach these To understand secularism you meed a fair share of intellect what intellect would these poor creatures have Why you might talk forever of the good of humanity and the duty of promoting the general good and they would not so much as grasp the idea of what good was they would sink back to their animallike state Instinctively her thoughts turned to the Radical Reformer who eighteen hundred years ago had lived among people just as wicked just as wretched How had He worked What had He done All through His words and actions had sounded the one keynote Your Father Always He had led them to look up to a perfect Being who loved them who was present with them
Was it possible that if Christians had indeed followed their Leader and not obscured His teaching with hideous secretions of doctrine which He had assuredly never taught was it possible that the Christgospel in its original simplicity would indeed be the remedy for all evil
They were coming into broader thoroughfares now A wailing childs voice fell on her ear A small crowd of disreputable idlers was hanging round the closed doors of a publichouse waiting eagerly for the opening which would take place at the close of servicetime The wailing childs voice grew more and more piteous Erica saw that it came from a poor little halfclad creature of three years old who was clinging to the skirts of a miserablelooking woman with a shawl thrown over her head Just as she drew near the woman with a fearful oath tried to shake herself free of the child then with uplifted arms was about to deal it a heavy blow when Erica caught her hand as it descended and held it fast in both her hands
Dont hurt him she said please dont hurt him
She looked into the prematurely wrinkled face into the halfdim eyes she held the hand fast with a pressure not of force but of entreaty Then they passed on the bystanders shouting out the derisive chorus of Come to Jesus with which London roughs delight in mocking any passenger whom they suspect of religious tendencies In all her sadness Erica could not help smiling to herself That she an atheist Luke Raeburns daughter should be hooted at as a follower of Jesus
In the meantime the woman she had spoken to stood still staring after her If an angel had suddenly appeared to her she could not have been more startled A human hand had given her coarse guilty trembling hand such a living pressure as it had never before received a pure loving face had looked at her a voice which was trembling with earnestness and full of the pathos of restrained tears had pleaded with her for her own child The womans dormant motherhood sprung into life Yes he was her own child after all She did not really want to hurt him but a sort of demon was inside her the demon of drink and sometimes it made her almost mad She looked down now with lovecleared eyes at the little crying child who still clung to her ragged skirt She stooped and picked him up and wrapped a bit of her shawl round him Presently after a fearful struggle she turned away from the publichouse and carried the child home to bed
The jeering chorus was soon checked for the shutters were taken down and the doors thrown wide and light and cheerfulness and shelter and the drink they were all craving for were temptingly displayed to draw in the waiting idlers
But the woman had gone home and one rather surly looking man still leaned against the wall looking up the street where Tom and Erica had disappeared
Blowed if that aint a bit of pluck he said to himself and therewith fell into a reverie
Tom talked of temperance work about which he was very eager all the way to Guilford Terrace Erica on reaching home went at once to her fathers room She found him propped up with pillows in his arm chair he was still only well enough to attempt the lightest of light literature and was looking at some old volumes of Punch which the Osmonds had sent across
You look tired Eric he exclaimed Was there a good attendance
Very she replied but so much less brightly than usual that Raeburn at once divined that something had annoyed her
Was Mr Masterman dull
Not dull she replied hesitatingly Then with more than her usual vehemence Father I cant endure him I wish we didnt have such men on our side He is so flippant so vulgar
Of course he never was a model of refinement said Raeburn but he is effective very effective It is impossible that you should like his style he is compared with you what a theatrical poster is to a delicate tetedegreuze How did he specially offend you tonight
It was all hateful from the very beginning said Erica And sprinkled all through with doubtful jests which of course pleased the people One despicable one about the Entry into Jerusalem which I believe he must have got from Strauss Im sure Strauss quotes it
You see what displeases an educated mind wins a rough uncultured one We may not altogether like it but we must put up with it We need our Moodys and Sankeys as well as the Christians
But father he seems to me so unfair
Raeburn looked grave
My dear he said after a minutes thought you are not in the least bound to go to hear Mr Masterman again unless you like But remember this Eric we are only a struggling minority and let me quote to you one of our Scottish proverbs Hawks shouldna pick out hawks een You are still a hawk are you not
Of course she said earnestly
Well then be leal to your brother hawks
A cloud of perplexed thought stole over Ericas face Raeburn noted it and did his best to divert her attention
Come he said let us have a chapter of Mark Twain to enliven us
But even Mark Twain was inadequate to check the thoughtstruggle which had begun in Ericas brain Desperate earnestness would not be conquered even by the most delightful of all humorous fiction
During the next few days this thoughtstruggle raged So great was Ericas fear of having biased either one way or the other that she would not even hint at her perplexity either to her father or to Charles Osmond And now the actual thoroughness of her character seemed a hindrance
She had imagination quick perception of the true and beautiful and an immense amount of steady common sense At the same time she was almost as keen and quite as slow of conviction as her father Honestly dreading to allow her poetic faculty due play she kept her imagination rigidly within the narrowest bounds She was thus honestly handicapped in the race the honesty was however a little mistaken and onesided for not the most vivid imagination could be considered as a setoff to the great the incalculable counterinfluence of her whole education and surroundings How she got through that black struggle was sometimes a mystery to her At last one evening when the load had grown intolerable she shut herself into her own room and forgetful of all her logical arguments spoke to the unknown God Her hopelessness her desperation drove her as a last resource to cry to the possibly Existent
She stood by the open window of her little room with her arms on the window sill looking out into the summer night just as years before she had stood when making up her mind to exile and sacrifice Then the wintery heavens had been blacker and the stars brighter now both sky and stars were dimmer because more light Over the roofs of the Guilford Square houses she could see Charles Wain and the Polestar but only faintly
God she cried I have no reason to think that Thou art except that there is such fearful need of Thee I can see no single proof in the world that Thou art here But if what Christ said was true then Thou must care that I should know Thee for I must be Thy child Oh God if Thou art oh Father if Thou art help us to know Thee Show us what is true
She waited and waited hoping for some sort of answer some thought some conviction But she found as many have found before her that the heavens were as brass
Of course it was no use she exclaimed impatiently yet with a blankness of disappointment which in itself proved the reality of her expectations
Just then she heard Toms voice at the foot of the stairs calling it seemed like the seal to her impatient of course There was no Unseen no Eternal of course not But there was a busy everyday life to be lived
All right she returned impatiently to Toms repeated calls dont make such a noise or else youll disturb father
He is wide awake said Tom and talking to the professor Just look here I couldnt help fetching you down did you ever see such a speech in your life A regular brick he must be
He held an evening paper in his hand Erica remembered that the debate was to be on a question affecting all freethinkers During the discussion of this some one had introduced a reference to the Hyde Park meeting and to Mr Raeburn and had been careful not to lose the opportunity of making a spiteful and misleading remark about the apostle of atheism Tom hurried her through this however to the speech that followed it
Wait a minute she said Who is Mr Farrant I never heard of him before
Member for Greyshot elected last spring dont you remember One of the byelections Licked the Tories all to fits This is his maiden speech and that makes it all the more plucky of him to take up the cudgels in our defense Here Let me read it to you
With the force of one who is fired with a new and hearty admiration he read the report The speech was undoubtedly a fine one it was a grand protest against intolerance a plea for justice The speaker had not hesitated for an instant to raise his voice in behalf of a very unpopular cause and his generous words even when read through the medium of an indifferent newspaper report awoke a strange thrill in Ericas heart The utter disregard of self the nobility of the whole speech struck her immensely The man who had dared to stand up for the first time in Parliament and speak thus must be one in a thousand Presently came the most daring and disinterested touch of all
The honorable member for Rilchester made what I can not but regard as a most misleading and unnecessary remark with reference to the recent occurrence in Hyde Park and to Mr Raeburn I listened to it with pain for if there can be degrees in the absolute evil of injustice and lack of charity it seems to me that the highest degree is reached in that uncharitableness which tries to blacken the character of an opponent Since the subject has been introduced the House will I hope bear with me if for the sake of justice I for a moment allude to a personal matter Some years ago I myself was an atheist and I can only say that speaking now from the directly opposite standpoint I can still look back and thank Mr Raeburn most heartily for the good service he did me He was the first man who ever showed me by words and example combined that life is only noble when lived for the race The statement made by the honorable member for Rilchester seems to me as incorrect as it was uncalled for Surely this assembly will best prove its high character not by loud religious protestations not by supporting a narrow Pharisaical measure but by impartiality by perfect justice by the manifestation in deed and word of that broadhearted charity that universal brotherliness which alone deserves the name of Christianity
The manifestation of the speakers generosity and universal brotherliness came like a light to Ericas darkness It did not end her struggle but it did end her despair A faint indefinable hope rose in her heart
Mr Farrants maiden speech made a considerable stir it met with some praise and much blame Erica learned from one of the papers that he was Mr Donovan Farrant and at once felt convinced that he was the Donovan whom both Charles Osmond and Brian had mentioned to her She seemed to know a good deal about him Probably they had never told her his surname because they knew that some day he would be a public character With instinctive delicacy she refrained from making any reference to his speech or any inquiry as to his identity with the Donovan of whose inner life she had heard Very soon after that too she went down to the sea side with her father and when they came back to town the Osmonds had gone abroad so it was not until the autumn that they again met
Her stay at Codrington wonderfully refreshed her it was the first time in her life that she had taken a thorough holiday with change of scene and restful idleness to complete it The time was outwardly uneventful enough but her father grew strong in body and she grew strong in mind
One absurd little incident she often laughed over afterward It happened that in the Onlooker there was a quotation from some unnamed medieval writer she and her father had a discussion as to whom it could be Raeburn maintaining that it was Thomas a Kempis Wishing to verify it Erica went to a booksellers and asked for the Imitation of Christ A rather primlooking dame presided behind the counter
We havent that book miss she said its quite out of fashion now
I agree with you said Erica greatly amused It must be quite out of fashion for I scarcely know half a dozen people who practice it However a second shop appeared to think differently for it had Thomas a Kempis in every conceivable size shape and binding Erica bought a little sixpenny copy and went back to the beach where she made her father laugh over her story
They verified the quotation and by and by Erica began to read the book On the very first page she came to words which made her pause and relapse into a deep reverie
But he who would fully and feelingly understand the words of Christ must study to make his whole life conformable to that of Christ
The thought linked itself in her mind with some words of John Stuart Mills which she had heard quoted till she was almost weary of them
Nor even now would it be easy even for an unbeliever to find a better translation for the rule of virtue from the abstract into the concrete than to endeavor so to live that Christ would approve our life
While she was still musing a sound of piteous crying attracted her notice Looking up she saw a tiny child wandering along the beach trailing a wooden spade after her and sobbing as if her heart would break In a moment Erica was beside her coaxing and consoling but at last finding it impossible to draw forth an intelligible word from the sobs and tears she took the little thing in her arms and carried her to her father Raeburn was a great child lover and had a habit of carrying goodies in his pocket much to the satisfaction of all the children with whom he was brought in contact He produced a bit of butterscotch which restored the small maidens serenity for a minute
She must have lost her way he said glancing from the lovely little tearstained face to the thinly shod feet and ungloved hands of the little one The butterscotch had won her heart Presently she volunteered a remark
Dolly putted on her own hat Dolly wanted to dig all alone Dolly ran away
Where is your home asked Erica
Me dont know Me dont know cried Dolly bursting into tears again and hiding her face on Raeburns coat Father Father Dolly wants father
We will come and look for him said Erica but you must stop crying and you know your father will be sure to come and look for you
At this the little one checked her tears and looked up as if expecting to see him close by
He isnt there she said piteously
Come and let us look for him said Erica
Dolly jumped up thrust her little hand into Ericas and toiled up the steep beach They had reached the road and Erica paused for a moment wondering which direction they had better take when a voice behind her made her start
Why Dorothy little one weve been hunting for you everywhere
Dolly let go Ericas hand and with a glad cry rushed into the arms of a tall dark rather foreignlooking man who caught her up and held her closely
He turned to Erica and thanked her very warmly for her help Erica thought his face the noblest she had ever seen
CHAPTER XIX At The Museum
Methought I heard one calling Child
And I replied My Lord
George Herbert
A favorite pastime with country children is to watch the gradual growth of the acorn into the oak tree They will suspend the acorn in a glass of water and watch the slow progress during long months First one tiny white thread is put forth then another until at length the glass is almost filled with a tangle of white fibers a sturdy little stem raises itself up and the baby tree if it is to live must be at once transplanted into good soil The process may be botanically interesting but there is something a little sickly about it too there is a feeling that after all the acorn would have done better in its natural ground hidden away in darkness
And if we have this feeling with regard to vegetable growth how much more with regard to spiritual growth To attempt to set up the gradually awakening spirit in an apparatus where it might be the observed of all observers would be at once repulsive and presumptuous Happily it is impossible We may trace influences and suggestions just as we may note the rain or drought the heat or cold that affect vegetable growth but the actual birth is ever hidden
To attempt even to shadow forth Ericas growth during the next year would be worse than presumptuous As to her outward life it was not greatly changed only intensified October always began their busiest six months There was the night school at which she was able to work again indefatigably There were lectures to be attended Above all there was an everincreasing amount of work to be done for her father In all the positive and constructive side of secularism in all the efforts made by it to better humanity she took an enthusiastic share Naturally she did not see so much of Charles Osmond now that she was strong again In the press of business in the hard everyday life there was little time for discussion They met frequently but never for one of their long teteatetes Perhaps Erica purposely avoided them She was strangely different now from the little impetuous girl who had come to his study years ago trembling with anger at the lady superintendents insult Insults had since then alas become so familiar to her that she had acquired a sort of patient dignity of endurance infinitely sad to watch in such a young girl
One morning in early June just a year after the memorable Hyde Park meeting Charles Osmond happened to be returning from the death bed of one of his parishioners when at the corner of Guilford Square he met Erica It might have been in part the contrast with the sad and painful scene he had just quitted but he thought she had never before looked so beautiful Her face seemed to have taken to itself the freshness and the glow of the summer morning
You are early abroad he said feeling older and grayer and more tired than ever as he paused to speak to her
I am off to the museum to read she said I like to get there by nine then you dont have to wait such an age for your books I cant bear waiting
What are you at work upon now
Oh today for the last time I am going to hunt up particulars about Livingstone Hazeldine was very anxious that a series of papers on his life should be written for our people What a grand fellow he was
I heard a characteristic anecdote of him the other day said Charles Osmond He was walking beside one of the African lakes which he had discovered when suddenly there dawned on him a new meaning to long familiar words The blood of Christ he exclaimed That must be Charity The blood of Christ that must be Charity A beautiful thought too seldom practically taught
Erica looked grave
Characteristic certainly of his broadheartedness but I dont think that anecdote will do for the readers of the IdolBreaker Then looking up at Charles Osmond she added in a rather lower tone Do you know I had no idea when I began what a difficult task I had got I thought in such an active life as that there would be little difficulty in keeping the religious part away from the secular but it is wonderful how Livingstone contrives to mix them up
You see if Christianity be true it must as you say mix up with everything There should be no rigid distinction between secular and religious said Charles Osmond
If it is true said Erica suddenly and with seeming irrelevance then sooner or later we must learn it to be so Truth MUST win in the end But it is worse to wait for perfect certainty than for books at the museum she added laughing It is five minutes to nine I shall be late
Charles Osmond walked home thoughtfully the meeting had somehow cheered him
Absolute conviction that truth must out that truth must make itself perceptible Ive not often come across a more beautiful faith than that Yes little Undine right you are Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free Here or there here or there
All things come round to him who will but wait
Theres one for yourself Charles Osmond None of your hurrying and meddling now old man youve just got to leave it to your betters
Soliloquizing after this fashion he reached home and was not sorry to find his breakfast awaiting him for he had been up the greater part of the night
The great domed library of the British Museum had become very homelike to Erica it was her ideal of comfort she went there whenever she wanted quiet for in the small and crowded lodgings she could never be secure from interruptions and interruptions resulted in bad work There was something too in the atmosphere of the museum which seemed to help her She liked the perfect stillness she liked the presence of all the books Above all too she liked the consciousness of possession There was no narrow exclusiveness about this place no one could look askance at her here The place belonged to the people and therefore belonged to her she heretic and atheist as she was had as much share in the ownership as the highest in the land She had her own peculiar nook over by the encyclopedias and being always an early comer seldom failed to secure her own particular chair and desk
On this morning she took her place as she had done hundreds of times before and was soon hard at work She was finishing her last paper on Livingstone when a book she had ordered was deposited on her desk by one of the noiseless attendants She wanted it to verify one or two dates and she half thought she would try to hunt up Charles Osmonds anecdote In order to write her series of papers she had been obliged to study the character of the great explorer pretty thoroughly She had always been able to see the nobility even of those differing most widely from herself in point of creed and the great beauty of Livingstones character had impressed her very much Today she happened to open on an entry in his journal which seemed particularly characteristic of the man He was in great danger from the hostile tribes at the union of the Zambesi and Loangwa and there was something about his spontaneous utterance which appealed very strongly to Erica
Felt much turmoil of spirit in view of having all my plans for the welfare of this great region and teeming population knocked on the head by savages tomorrow But I read that Jesus came and said All power is given unto me in Heaven and in earth Go ye therefore and teach all nations and lo I am with you always even unto the end of the world It is the word of a gentleman of the most sacred and strictest honor and theres an end ont I will not cross furtively by night as I intended Nay verily I shall take observations for latitude and longitude tonight though they may be the last
The courage the daring the perseverance the intense faith of the man shone out in these sentences Was it indeed a delusion such practical faith as that
Blackness of darkness seemed to hem her in She struggled through it once more by the one gleam of certainty which had come to her in the past year Truth must be selfrevealing Sooner or later if she were honest if she did not shut her mind deliberately up with the assurance You have thought out these matters fully and fairly enough Let us now rest content and if she were indeed a true Freethinker she MUST know And even as that conviction returned to her the words half quaint half pathetic came to her mind It is the word of a gentleman of the most sacred and strictest honor and theres an end ont
Yes there would be an end ont if she could feel sure that he too was not deluded
She turned over the pages of the book and toward the end found a copy of the inscription on Livingstones tomb Her eye fell on the words And other sheep I have which are not of this fold them also I must bring and they shall hear My voice
Somehow the mention of the lost sheep brought to her mind the little lost child on the beach at Codrington Dolly who had putted on her own hat who had wanted to be independent and to dig by herself She had run away from home and could not find the way back What a steep climb they had had up the beach how the little things tiny feet had slipped and stumbled over the stones and just when they were most perplexed the father had found them
Exactly how it all came to her Erica never knew nor could she ever put into words the story of the next few moments When Gods great sunrise finds us out we have need of something higher than human speech there ARE no words for it At the utmost she could only say that it was like coming out of the twilight that it seemed as if she were immersed in a great wave of all pervading light
All in a moment the Christ who had been to her merely a noble character of ancient history seemed to become to her the most real and living of all living realities Even her own existence seemed to fade into a vague and misty shadow in comparison with the intensity of this new consciousness this conviction of His being which surrounded her which she knew indeed to be way and truth and life They shall hear My voice In the silence of waiting in the faithfulness of honest searching Erica for the first time in her life heard it Yes she had been right truth was selfrevealing A few minutes ago those words had been to her an unfulfilled a vain promise the speaker broadhearted and loving as he was had doubtless been deluded But now the voice spoke to her called her by name told her what she wanted
Dolly became to her a parable of life She had been like that little child for years and years she had been toiling up over rough stones and slippery pebbles but at last she had heard the voice Was this the coming to the Father
That which often appears sudden and unaccountable is if we did but know it a slow beautiful evolution It was now very nearly seven years since the autumn afternoon when the man too nice to be a clergyman and not a bit like a Christian had come to Ericas home had shown her that at least one of them practiced the universal brotherliness which almost all preached It was nearly seven years since words of absolute conviction words of love and power had first sounded forth from Christian lips in her fathers lecture hall and had awakened in her mind that miserably uncomfortable question supposing Christianity should be true
All the most beautiful influences are quiet only the destructive agencies the stormy wind the heavy rain and hail are noisy Love of the deepest sort is wordless the sunshine steals down silently the dew falls noiselessly and the communion of spirit with spirit is calmer and quieter than anything else in the world quiet as the spontaneous turning of the sunflower to the sun when the heavy clouds have passed away and the light and warmth reveal themselves The subdued rustle of leaves the hushed footsteps sounded as usual in the great library but Erica was beyond the perception of either place or time
Presently she was recalled by the arrival of another student who took the chair next to hers a little deformed man with a face which looked prematurely old and sad restless eyes A few hours before she would have regarded him with a sort of shuddering compassion now with the compassion there came to her the thought of compensation which even here and now might make the poor fellow happy Was he not immortal Might he not here and now learn what she had just learned gain that unspeakable joy And might not the knowledge go on growing and increasing forever She took up her pen once more verified the dates rolled up her manuscript and with one look at Livingstoness journal returned it to the clerk and left the library
It was like coming into a new world even dingy Bloomsbury seemed beautiful Her face was so bright so like the face of a happy child that more than one passerby was startled by it lifted for a moment from sordid cares into a purer atmosphere She felt a longing to speak to some one who would understand her new happiness She had reached Guilford Square and looked doubtfully across to the Osmonds house They would understand But no she must tell her father first And then with a fearful pang she realized what her new conviction meant It meant bringing the sword into her fathers house it meant grieving him with a lifelong grief it meant leaving the persecuted minority and going over to the triumphant majority it meant unmitigated pain to all those she loved best
Erica had had her full share of pain but never had she known anything so agonizing as that moments sharp revulsion Mechanically she walked on until she reached home nobody was in She looked into the little sitting room but only Friskarina sat purring on the rug The table was strewn with the Saturday papers the midday post had just come She turned over the letters and found one for herself in her fathers handwriting It was the one thing needed to complete the realization of her pain She snatched it up with a stifled sob ran upstairs to her room and threw herself down on the bed in silent agony
A new joy had come to her which her father could not share a joy which he would call a delusion which he spent a great part of his life in combating To tell him that she was convinced of the truth of Christianity why it would almost break his heart
And yet she must inflict this terrible pain Her nature was far too noble to have dreamed for a single instant of temporizing of keeping her thoughts to herself A Raeburn was not likely to fail either in courage or in honesty but with her courage and honesty Erica had the violinlike sensitiveness of nature which Eric Haeberlein had noticed even in her childhood She saw in the future all the pain she must bring to her father intensified by her own sensitiveness She knew so well what her feelings would have been but a short time ago if any one she greatly loved had fallen back into Christianity How could she tell him How COULD she
Yet it was a thing which must be done Should she write to him No the letter might reach him when he was tired and worried yet to speak would be more painful
She got up and went to the window and let the summer wind blow on her heated forehead The world had seemed to her just before one glorious presencechamber full of sunshine and rejoicing But already the shadow of a lifelong pain had fallen on her heart A revealed Christ meant also a revealed cross and a right heavy one
It was only by degrees that she grew strong again and Livingstones text came back to her once more I am with you always
By and by she opened her fathers letter It ran as follows
I have just remembered that Monday will be your birthday Let us spend it together little son Erica A few days at Codrington would do us both good and I have a tolerably leisure week If you can come down on Saturday afternoon so much the better I will meet you there if you will telegraph reply as soon as you get this I have three lectures at Helmstone on Sunday but you will probably prefer a quiet day by the sea Bring me Westcotts new book and you might put in the chisel and hammer We will do a little geologizing for the professor if we have time Meeting here last night a great success Your loving father Luke Raeburn
He is only thinking how he can give me pleasure sighed Erica And I have nothing to give him but pain
She went at once however for the Bradshaw and looked out the afternoon trains to Codrington
CHAPTER XX Storm
And seems she mid deep silence to a strain
To listen which the soul alone can know
Saying Fear naught for Jesus came on earth
Jesus of endless joys the wide deep sea
To ease each heavy load of mortal birth
His waters ever clearest sweetest be
To him who in a lonely bark drifts forth
On His great deeps of goodness trustfully
From Vittoria Colonna
Codrington was one of the very few seaside places within fairly easy reach of London which had not been vulgarized into an ordinary watering place It was a primitive little place with one good oldestablished hotel and a limited number of villas and lodging houses which only served as a sort of ornamental fringe to the picturesque little fishing town
The fact was that it was just midway between two large and deservedly popular resorts and so it had been overlooked and to the regret of the thrifty inhabitants and the satisfaction of the visitors who came there for quiet its peaceful streets and its stony beach were never invaded by excursionists No cockneys came down for the Sunday to eat shrimps the shrimps were sent away by train to the more favored watering places and the Codrington shop keepers shook their heads and gave up expecting to make a fortune in such a conservative little place Erica said it reminded her of the dormouse in Alice In Wonderland tyrannized over by the hatter on one side and the March hare on the other and eventually put head foremost into the teapot Certainly Helmstone on the east and Westport on the west had managed to eclipse it altogether and its peaceful sleepiness made the dormouse comparison by no means inapt
It all looked wonderfully unchanged as she walked from the station that summer afternoon with her father The square gray tower of St Oswalds Church the little winding irregular streets the very shop windows seemed quite unaltered while at every turn familiar faces came into sight The shrewd old sailor with the telescope the prim old lady at the booksellers who had pronounced the Imitation of Christ to be quite out of fashion the sturdy milkman with white smockfrock and bright pails fastened to a wooden yoke and the coastguardsman who was always whistling Tom Bowling
The sea was as calm as a mill pond Raeburn suggested an hour or two on the water and Erica who was fond of boating gladly assented She had made up her ind not to speak to her father that evening he had a very hard days work before him on the Sunday they must have these few hours in peace She did not in the least dread any subject coming up which might put her into difficulty for on the rare days when her father allowed himself any recreation he entirely banished all controversial topics from his mind He asked no single question relating to the work or to business of any kind but gave himself up to the enjoyment of a muchneeded rest and relaxation He seemed in excellent spirits and Erica herself would have been rapturously happy if she had not been haunted by the thought of the pain that awaited him She knew that this was the last evening she and her father should ever spend together in the old perfect confidence division the most painful of all divisions lay before them
The next day she was left to herself She would not go to the old graytowered church though as an atheist she had gone to one or two churches to look and listen she felt that she could not honorably go as a worshiper till she had spoken to her father So she wandered about on the shore and in the restful quiet learned more and grew stronger and conquered the dread of the morrow She did not see her father again that day for he could not get back from Helmstone till a late train and she had promised not to sit up for him
The morning of her twentythird birthday was bright and sunshiny she had slept well but awoke with the oppressive consciousness that a terrible hard duty lay before her When she came down there was a serious look in her eyes which did not escape Raeburns keen observation He was down before her and had been out already for he had managed somehow to procure a lovely handful of red and white roses and mignonette
All good wishes for your birthday and sweets to the sweet as some one remarked on a more funereal occasion he said stooping to kiss her Dear little son Eric it is very jolly to have you to myself for once No disrespect to Aunt Jean and old Tom but two is company What lovely flowers exclaimed Erica How good of you Where did they come from
I made love to old Nicolls the florist to let me gather these myself he was very anxious to make a gorgeous arrangement done up in white paper with a lace edge and thought me a fearful Goth for preferring this disorderly bunch
They sat down to breakfast afterward the morning papers came in and Raeburn disappeared behind the Daily Review while the servant cleared the table Erica stood by the open French window she knew that in a few minutes she must speak and how to get what she had to say into words she did not know Her heart beat so fast that she felt almost choked In a sort of dream of pain she watched the passersby happy looking girls going down to bathe children with spades and pails Everything seemed so tranquil so ordinary while before her lay a duty which must change her whole world
Not much news said Raeburn coming toward her as the servant left the room For dullness commend me to a Monday paper Well Eric how are we to spend your twentythird birthday To think that I have actually a child of twentythree Why I ought to feel an old patriarch and in spite of white hair and lifelong badgering I dont you know Come what shall we do Where would you like to go
Father said Erica I want first to have a talk with you I—I have something to tell you
There was no longer any mistaking that the seriousness meant some kind of trouble Raeburn put his arm round her
Why my little girl he said tenderly You are trembling all over What is the matter
The matter is that what I have to say will pain you and it half kills me to do that But there is no choice tell you I must You would not wish me not to be true not to be honest
Utter perplexity filled Raeburns mind What phantom trouble was threatening him Had she been commissioned to tell him of some untoward event Some business calamity Had she fallen in love with some one he could not permit her to marry He looked questioningly at her but her expression only perplexed him still more she was trembling no longer and her eyes were clear and bright there was a strong look about her whole face
Father she said quietly I have learned to believe in Jesus Christ
He wrenched away his arm he started back from her as if she had stabbed him For a minute he looked perfectly dazed
At last after a silence which seemed to each of them agelong he spoke in the agitated voice of one who has just received a great blow
Do you know what you are saying Erica Do you know what such a confession as you have made will involve Do you mean that you accept the whole of Christs teaching
Yes she replied firmly I do
You intend to turn Christian
Yes to try to
How long have you and Mr Osmond been concocting this
I dont know what you mean said Erica terribly wounded by his tone
Did he send you down here to tell me
Mr Osmond knows nothing about it said Erica How could I tell any one before you father
Raeburn was touched by this He took several turns up and down the room before speaking again but the more he grasped the idea the deeper grew his grief and the hotter his anger He was a man of iron will however and he kept both under When at length he did speak his voice was quiet and cold and repressed
Sit down he said motioning her to a chair This is not a subject that we can dismiss in five minutes talk I must hear your reasons We will put aside all personal considerations I will consider you just as an ordinary opponent
His coldness chilled her to the heart Was it always to be like this How could she possibly endure it How was she to answer his questions how was she to vindicate her faith when the mere tone of his voice seemed to paralyze her heart He was indeed treating her with the cold formality of an opponent but never for a single instant could she forget that he was her father the being she loved best in the whole world
But Erica was brave and true she knew that this was a crisis in their lives and thrusting down her own personal pain she forced herself to give her whole heart and mind to the searching and perplexing questions with which her father intended to test the reality of her convictions Had she been unaccustomed to his mode of attack he would have hopelessly silenced her as far as argument goes in half an hour but not only was Ericas faith perfectly real but she had as it were herself traversed the whole of his objections and difficulties Though far from imagining that she understood everything she had yet so firmly grasped the innermost truth that all details as yet outside her vision were to her no longer hindrances and bugbears but so many new possibilities other hopes of fresh manifestations of God
She held her ground well and every minute Raeburn realized more keenly that whatever hopes he had entertained of reconvincing her were futile What made it all the more painful to him was that the thoroughness of the training he had given her now only told against him and the argument which he carried on in a cold metallic voice was really piercing his very heart for it was like arguing against another self the dearest part of himself gone over to the enemys side
At last he saw that argument was useless and then in his grief and despair he did for a time lose his selfcontrol Erica had often felt sorry for the poor creatures who had to bear the brunt of her fathers scathing sarcasm But platform irony was a trifle to the torrent which bore down upon her today When a strong man does lose his restraint upon himself the result is terrific Raeburn had never sufficiently cared for an adversary as to be moved beyond an anger which could be restricted and held within due bounds he of course cared more for the success of his cause and his own dignity But now his love drove him to despair his intolerable grief at the thought of having an opponent in his own child burst all restraining bonds Wounded to the quick he who had never in his life spoken a harsh word to his child now poured forth such a storm of anger and sarcasm and bitter reproach as might have made even an uninterested bystander tremble
Had Erica made any appeal had she even begun to cry his chivalry would have been touched he would have recognized her weakness and regained his self control But she was not weak she was strong she was his other self gone over to the opposite side that was what almost maddened him The torrent bore down upon her and she spoke not a word but just sat still and endured Only as the words grew more bitter and more wounding her lips grew white her hands were locked more tightly together At last it ended
You have cheated yourself into this belief said Raeburn you have given me the most bitter grief and disappointment of my whole life Have you anything else you wish to say to me
Nothing replied Erica not daring to venture more for if she had tried to speak she knew she must have burst into tears
But there was as much pain expressed in her voice as she spoke that one word as there had been in all her fathers outburst It appealed to him at once He said no more but stepped out of the French window and began to pace to an fro under the veranda
Erica did not stir she was like one crushed Sad and harassed as her life had been it yet seemed to her that she had never known such indescribably bitter pain The outside world looked bright and sunshiny she could see the waves breaking on the shore while beyond sailing out into the wide expanse was a brownsailed fishing boat Every now and then her vision was interrupted by a tall dark figure pacing to and fro every now and then the sunlight glinted on snowwhite hair and then a fresh stab of pain awoke in her heart
The brownsailed fishing boat dwindled into a tiny dark spot on the horizon the sea tossed and foamed and sparked in the sunshine Erica turned away she could not bear to look at it for just now it seemed to her merely the type of the terrible separation which had arisen between herself and her father She felt as if she were being borne away in the little fishing boat while he was left on the land and the distance between them slowly widened and widened
All through that grievous conversation she had held in her hand a little bit of mignonette She had held it unconsciously it was withered and drooping its sweetness seemed to her now sickly and hateful She identified it with her pain and years after the smell of mignonette was intolerable to her She would have thrown it away but remembered that her father had given it her And then with the recollection of her birthday gift came the realization of all the long years of unbroken and perfect love so rudely interrupted today Was it always to be like this Must they drift further and further apart
Her heart was almost breaking she had endured to the very uttermost when at length comfort came The sword had only come to bring the higher peace No terrible sea of division could part those whom love could bind together The peace of God stole once more into her heart
How loud soeer the world may roar We know love will be conqueror
Meanwhile Raeburn paced to and fro in grievous pain The fact that his pain could scarcely perhaps have been comprehended by the generality of people did not make it less real or less hard to bear A really honest atheist who is convinced that Christianity is false and misleading suffers as much at the sight of what he considers a mischievous belief as a Christian would suffer while watching a service in some heathen temple Rather his pain would be greater for his belief in the gradual progress of his creed is shadowy and dim compared with the Christians conviction that the Saviour of all men exists
Once some years before a very able man one of his most devoted followers had fallen back into Christianity That had been a bitter disappointment but that his own child whom he loved more than anything in the world should have forsaken him and gone over to the enemy was a grief wellnigh intolerable It was a grief he had never for one moment contemplated
Could anything be more improbable than that Erica carefully trained as she had been should relapse so strangely Her whole life had been spent among atheists there was not a single objection to Christianity which had not been placed before her She had read much thought much she had worked indefatigably to aid the cause Again and again she had braved personal insult and wounding injustice as an atheist She had voluntarily gone into exile to help her father in his difficulties Through the shameful injustice of a Christian she had missed the last years of her mothers life and had been absent from her death bed She had borne on behalf of her fathers cause a thousand irritating privations a thousand harassing cares she had been hardworking and loyal and devoted and now all at once she had turned completely round and placed herself in the opposing ranks
Raeburn had all his life been fighting against desperate odds and in the conflict he had lost wellnigh everything He had lost his home long ago he had lost his fathers good will he had lost the whole of his inheritance he had lost health and strength and reputation and money he had lost all the lesser comforts of life and now he said to himself that he was to lose his dearest treasure of all his child
Bitter hopeless lifelong division had arisen between them For twentythree years he had loved her as truly as ever father loved child and this was his reward A miserable sense of isolation arose in his heart Erica had been so much to him how could he live without her The muscles of his face quivered with emotion he clinched his hands almost fiercely
Then he tortured himself by letting his thoughts wander back to the past That very day years ago when he had first learned what fatherhood meant the pride of watching his little girl as the years rolled on the terrible anxiety of one long and dangerous illness she had passed through how well he remembered the time They were very poor could afford no expensive luxuries he had shared the nursing with his wife One night he remembered toiling away with his pen while the sick child was actually on his knee he always fancied that the pamphlet he had then been at work on was more bitterly sarcastic than anything he had ever written Then on once more into years of desperately hard work and disappointingly small results imbittered by persecution crippled by penalties and neverending litigation but always there had been the little child waiting for him at home who by her babylike freedom from care could make him smile when he was overwhelmed with anxiety How could he ever have endured the bitter obloquy the slanderous attacks the countless indignities which had met him on all sides if there had not been one little child who adored him who followed him about like a shadow who loved him and trusted him utterly
Busy as his life had been burdened as he had been for years with twice as much work as he could get through the child had never been crowded out of his life Even as a little thing of four years old Erica had been quite content to sit on the floor in his study by the hour together quietly amusing herself by cutting old newspapers into fantastic shapes or by drawing impossible cats and dogs and horses on the margins She had never disturbed him she used to talk to herself in whispers
Are you happy little one he used to ask from time to time with a sort of passionate desire that he should enjoy her unconscious childhood foreseeing care and trouble for her in the future
Yes very happy had been the invariable response and generally Erica would avail herself of the interruption to ask his opinion about some squareheaded cat with eyes askew and an astonishing number of legs which she had just drawn Then would come what she called a bears hug after which silence reigned again in the study while Raeburn would go on writing some argumentative pamphlet hard and clear as crystal his heart warmed by the little childs love the remains of a smile lingering about his lips at the recollection of the squareheaded cat
And the years passed on and every year deepened and strengthened their love And by slow degrees he had watched the development of her mind had gloried in her quick perception had learned to come to her for a second opinion every now and then had felt proud of her common sense her thoughtful judgments had delighted in her enthusiastic loving help All this was ended now Strange that just as he hoped most from her she should fail him It was a repetition of his own early history exactly reversed His thoughts went back to his fathers study in the old Scottish parsonage He remembered a long fierce argument he remembered a storm of abusive anger and a furious dismissal from the house The old pain came back to him vividly
And she loves me fifty thousand times more than I ever loved my father he reflected And though I was not abusive I was hard on her And however mistaken she was very brave very honest Oh I was cruel to her harsh and hateful My little child My poor little child It shall not it cannot divide us I am hers and she is mine nothing can ever alter that
He turned and went back into the room Never had he looked grander than at that minute this man who could hold thousands in breathless attention this man who was more passionately loved by his friends more passionately hated by his enemies than almost any man in England He was just the ideal father
Erica had not stirred she was leaning back in her chair looking very still and white He came close to her
Little son Eric he said with a whole world of love in his tone
She sprang up and wreathed her arms round his neck
By and by they began to talk in low tones to map out and piece together as well as they could the future life which was inevitably severed from the past by a deep gulf They spoke of the work which they could still share of the interests they should still have in common It was very sad work for Erica infinitely sadder for Raeburn but they were both of them brave and noble souls and they loved each other and so could get above the sadness One thing they both agreed upon They would never argue about their opinions They would as far as possible avoid any allusion to the grave differences that lay between them
Late in the afternoon a little group of fishermen and idlers stood on the beach They were looking out seaward with some anxiety for a sudden wind had arisen and there was what they called an ugly sea
I tell you it was madness to let em go alone on such a day said the old sailor with the telescope
And I tell you that the old gentleman pulls as good an oar as any of us retorted another man in a blue jersey and a souwester
Old gentleman indeed broke in the coast guardsman Better say devil at once Why man alive Your old gentleman is Luke Raeburn the atheist
God forbid exclaimed the first speaker lowering his telescope for a moment Why he be mighty friendly to us fishermen
Where be they now gaffer Dye see them asked a keenlooking lad of seventeen
Ay there they be There they be God have mercy on em Theyll be swamped sure as fate
The coast guardsman with provoked sangfroid and indifference began to sing
For though his bodys under hatches His soul is gone alooft
And then breaking off into a sort of recitative
Which is exactly the opposite quarter to what Luke Raeburns soul will go I guess
Blowed if I wouldnt pull an oar to save a mate if I were so mighty sure he was going to the devil observed a weatherbeaten seaman with gold earrings and a good deal of tattooing on his brawny arms
Would you now said the coast guardsman with a superior and sardonic smile Well in my umble opinion drownings too good for him
With which humane utterance the coast guardsman walked off singing of
Tom who
Never from his word departed
Whose heart was kind and soft
Well I for one will lend a hand to help them Now then mates Which of you is going to help to cheat the devil of his due said the man with the earrings
Three men proffered their services but the old seaman with the telescope checked them
Bide a bit mates bide a bit Im not sure youve a call to go He wiped the glasses of his telescope with a red handkerchief and then looked out seaward once more
In the meantime while their fate was being discussed on the shore Raeburn and Erica were face to face with death They were a long way from land before the wind had sprung up so strongly Raeburn who in his young days had been at once the pride and anxiety of the fishermen round his Scottish home and noted for his readiness and daring had now lost the freshness of his experience and had grown forgetful of weather tokens The danger was upon them before he had even thought of it The strong wind blowing upon them the delicious salt freshness even the brisk motion had been such a relief to them after the pain and excitement of the morning But all at once they began to realize that their peril was great Their little boat tossed so fearfully that Erica had to cling to the seat for safety one moment they were down in the hollow of a deep green wave the next they would be tossed up upon its crest as though their boat had been a mere cockle shell
Im afraid weve made a mistake Eric said Raeburn I ought to have seen this storm coming up
What cried Erica for the dashing of the waves made the end of the sentence inaudible
He looked across the boat at her and an almost paralyzing dread filled his heart For himself he could be brave for himself death had no terrors but for his child
A horrible vision rose before him He saw her lying stiff and cold with glazed eyes and drenched hair Was there to be a yet more terrible separation between them Was death to snatch her from him Ah no that should never be They would at least go down together
The vision faded he saw once more the fair eager face no longer pallid but flushed with excitement the brave eyes clear and bright but somewhat anxious The consciousness that everything depended on him helped him to rise above that overmastering horror He was once more his strongest self
The rudder had been left on the beach and it was only possible to steer by the oars He dismissed even the thought of Erica and concentrated his whole being on the difficult task before him So grand did he look in that tremendous endeavor that Erica almost forgot her anxiety there was something so forceful in his whole aspect that she could not be afraid Her heart beat quickly indeed but the consciousness of danger was stimulating
Yet the waves grew more and more furious rolling curling dashing up in angry white foam raging horribly At length came one which broke right over the little boat blinding and drenching its occupants
Another like that will do for us Said Raeburn in a quiet voice
The boat was half full of water Erica began to bale out with her fathers hat and each knew from the others face that their plight was hopeless
Raeburn had faced death many times He had faced it more than once on a sick bed he had faced it surrounded by yelling and furious mobs but he had never faced it side by side with his child Again he looked at the angry graygreen waves at the wreaths of curling white foam again that awful vision rose before him and brave man as he was he shuddered
Life was sweet even though he was harassed persecuted libeled Life was sweet even though his child had deserted his cause even though she had cheated herself into a belief Life was infinitely worth living mere existence an exquisite joy blank nothingness a hideous alternative
Bale out he cried despair in his eyes but a curve of resoluteness about his lips
A few more strokes warily pulled another huge wave sweeping along rearing itself up dashing down upon them The boat reeled and staggered To struggle longer was useless Raeburn threw his oars inboard caught hold of Erica and held her fast When they could see once more they found the boat quite three parts full
Child he said child But nothing more would come For once in his life words failed him the orator was speechless Was it a minute or an eternity that he waited there through that awful pause waited with his arm round Erica feeling the beating of her heart the heart which must soon cease beating forever feeling her warm breath on his cheek alas How few more breaths would she draw How soon would the cold water grave close over all that he—
His thoughts were abruptly checked That eternal minute of waiting was over It was coming death was coming riding along with mocking scorn on the crest of a giant wave Higher and higher rose the towering seagreen wall mockingly it rushed forward remorselessly swooped down upon them This time the boat was completely swamped
I will at least die fighting thought Raeburn a despairing defiant courage inspiring him with almost superhuman strength
Trust to me he cried Dont struggle And Erica who would naturally have fallen into that frantic and vain convulsion which seizes most people when they find themselves in peril of drowning by a supreme effort of will made no struggle at all but only clung to her father
Raeburn was a very strong man and an expert swimmer but it was a fearful sea They were dashed hither and thither they were buffeted and choked and blinded but never once did he lose his presence of mind Every now and then he even shouted out a few words to Erica How strange his voice sounded in that chaos in that raging symphony of winds and waves
Tell me when you cant hold any longer he cried
I cant leave go returned Erica
And even then in that desperate minute they both felt a momentary thrill of amusement The fact was that her effort of will had been so great when she had obeyed him and clung with all her might to him that now the muscles of her hands absolutely would not relax their hold
It seemed endless Over the cold green and white of the waves Raeburn seemed to see his whole life stretched out before him in a series of vivid pictures All the long struggles all the desperate fights wreathed themselves out in visions round this supreme death struggle And always there was the consciousness that he was toiling for Ericas life struggling agonizing straining every fiber of his being to save her
But what was this paralyzing cold creeping over his limbs What this pressure at his heart This dimness of his eyes Oh Was his strength failing him Was the last hope indeed gone Panting he struggled on
I will do thirty more strokes he said to himself And he did them
I will do ten more
And he forced himself to keep on
Ten more
He was gasping now Ericas weight seemed to be dragging him down down into nothingness
Six strokes painfully made Seven After all nothingness would mean rest Eight No pain to either since they were together Nine He should live on in the hearts of his people Ten Agony of failure He was beaten at last
What followed they neither of them knew only there was a shout an agony of sinking a vision of a dark form and a something solid which they grasped convulsively
When Erica came to herself they were by no means out of danger but there was something between them and the angry sea She was lying down at the bottom of a boat in close proximity to some silveryskinned fishes and her father was holding her hand
Wildly they tossed for what seemed to her a very long time but at length fresh voices were heard the keel grated on the shore she felt herself lifted up and carried on to the beach Then with an effort she stood up once more trembling and exhausted but conscious that mere existence was rapture
Raeburn paused to reward and thank the men who had rescued them in his most genial manner and Ericas happiness would have been complete had not the coast guardsman stepped up in an insolent and officious way and observed
It is a pity Mr Luke Raeburn that you dont bring yourself to offer thanks to God almighty
Sir replied Raeburn when I ask your opinion of my personal and private matters it will be fitting that you should speak not before
The man looked annihilated and turned away
Raeburn grasped the rough hands of his helpers and wellwishers gave his arm to Erica and led her up the steep beach
Later on in the evening they sat over the fire and talked over their adventure June though it was they had both been thoroughly chilled
What did you think of when we were in the water asked Erica
I made a deep calculation said Raeburn smiling and found that the sale of the plant and of all my books would about clear off the last of the debts and that I should die free After that I thought of Ciceros case of the two wise men struggling in the sea with one plank to rescue them sufficient only for one They were to decide which of their lives was most useful to the republic and the least useful man was to drop down quietly into the deep It struck me that you and I should hardly come to such a calculation I think we would have gone down together little one What did you think of
But Ericas thoughts could not so easily be put into words
For one thing she said I thought we should never be divided any more
She sighed a little for after all the death they had so narrowly escaped would have been so infinitely easier than the life which lay before her
Clearly we are inseparable said Raeburn In that sense little son Eric we can still say We fear nae foe
Perhaps the gentle words and the sadness which he could not entirely banish from his tone moved Erica almost more than his passionate utterances in the morning
The day was no bad miniature of her whole life Very sad very happy full of danger conflict and strife warmed by outside sympathy wounded by outside insolence
CHAPTER XXI What it Involved
Stronger than steel
Is the sword of the spirit
Swifter than arrows
The life of the truth is
Greater than anger
Is love and subdueth Longfellow
The two or three days at Codrington lengthened out into a week for both Raeburn and Erica felt a good deal exhausted after the eventful Monday Raeburn anxious to spare her as much as possible himself wrote to Mrs Craigie and told her of Ericas change of views
It is a great grief he wrote and she will be a serious loss to our cause but I am determined that we will not enact over again the course of action which drove both you and me from home Odd That she should just reverse our story Anyhow you and I Jean have been too much persecuted to turn into persecutors The child is as much in earnest for her delusion as we for our truth Argument and remonstrance will do no good and you must understand and make Tom understand that Ill not have her bullied Dont think that I am trying to make her mistaken way all easy for her She wont find it easy She will have a miserable time of it with our own set and how many Christians do you imagine will hold out a hand to Luke Raeburns daughter even though her views have changed Maybe half a dozen Not more I fancy unless she renounced us with atheism and that she never will do She will be between two fires and I believe between the two she will be worried to death in a year unless we can keep the peace at home I dont blame Osmond for this though at first I did suspect it was his doing but this has been no cramwork Erica has honestly faced the questions herself and has honestly arrived at this mistaken conclusion Osmonds kindness and generosity of course influenced her but for the rest they have only had the free discussions of which from the first I approved Years ago he said to me plainly What if she should see reasons to change her mind I scouted the notion then it seemed and still seems almost INCREDIBLE He has you see acted quite honorably It is Ericas own doing I remember telling him that our name of freethinkers was a reality and so it shall still be She shall be free to think the untrue is true she shall be free to confess herself a Christian before the whole world though it deal me the hardest of blows
This letter soon spread the news Aunt Jean was too much vexed and not deeply grieved enough to keep silence Vexation finds some relief in talking deep grief as a rule prefers not to speak Tom in his odd way felt the defection of his favorite cousin as much as anybody except Raeburn himself They had been playfellows they had always been like brother and sister together and he was astounded to think that Erica of all people in the world should have deserted the cause The letter had come by one of the evening posts He went out and paced up and down the square in the soft midsummer twilight trying to realize the facts of the case Presently he heard rapid steps behind him no one walked at that pace excepting Brian and Tom was quite prepared to feel an arm link itself within his
Hallo old fellow exclaimed Brian Moonlight meditations
Where did you drop from said Tom evasively
Broken leg round the corner a publichouse row What brutes men are exclaimed the young doctor hotly
Disappointing world altogether said Tom with a sigh What do you think we have just heard about Erica
Brians heart almost stopped beating he hardly knew what he feared
How can I tell he answered hoarsely No bad news I hope
Shes gone and turned Christian said Tom in a tone of deep disgust
Brian started
Thank God he exclaimed under his breath
Confound it cried Tom Id forgot youd be triumphant Good night and he marched off in high dudgeon
Brian did not even miss him How could he at such a time The weight of years had been lifted off his soul A consuming happiness took possession of him his whole being was a thanksgiving By and by he went home found his father in the study and was about to speak when Charles Osmond put an open letter into his hand While Raeburn had written to his sister Erica had written to her prophet a sad happy quaint letter exactly like herself Its straightforward simplicity brought the tears to Brians eyes
It will be a fearful life for her now he exclaimed She will never be able to endure it Father now at last I may surely speak to her
He spoke very eagerly Charles Osmond looked grave
My dear old fellow of course you must do as you think best he replied after a minutes pause but I doubt if it is wise just now
Why it is the very time of all others when she might be glad of me said Brian
But cant you see returned his father that Erica is the last girl in the world to marry a man because she was unhappy or because she had got a difficult bit of life in front of her Of course if you really think she cares for you it is different but—
She does not care for me said Brian quickly but in time I think she would I think I could make her happy
Yes I think you could but I fancy you will make shipwreck of your hopes if you speak to her now Have patience
I am sick of patience cried Brian desperately Have I not been patient for nearly seven years For what would you have me wait Am I to wait till between our injustice to secularists and their injustice to Christians she is half badgered out of life If she could but love me if she would marry me now I could save her from what must be a life of misery
If I could but get you to see it from what I am convinced is Ericas point of view exclaimed Charles Osmond Forget for a minute that you are her knight and champion and try to see things as she sees them Let us try to reverse things Just imagine for a minute that you are the child of some leading man the head and chief of a party or association well say that you are the child of an Archbishop of Canterbury You are carefully educated you become a zealous worker you enter into all your fathers interests you are able to help him in a thousand ways But by slow degrees we will say that you perceive a want in the system in which you have been educated and after many years of careful study and thought you are obliged to reject your former beliefs and to accept that other system which shall most recommend itself to you We will suppose for the sake of analogy that you become a secularist Knowing that your change of views will be a terrible grief to your father the archbishop it takes your whole strength to make your confession and you not only feel your fathers personal pain but you feel that his pain will be increased by his public position To make it worse too we must suppose that a number of people calling themselves atheists and in the name of atheism have at intervals for the last thirty years been annoying and insulting your father that in withstanding their attacks he has often received bodily injury and that the atheists have so often driven him into the law courts that he has been pretty nearly beggared All his privations you have shared for instance you went with him and lived for years in a poky little lodging and denied yourself every single luxury But now you have in spite of all these persecutions carried on in the name of secularism learned to see that the highest form of secularism is true The archbishop feels this terribly However being a very loving father he wisely refuses to indulge in perpetual controversy with his child You agree still to live together and each try with all your might to find all the possible points of union still left you Probably if you are such a child as I imagine you love your father ten times more than you did before Then just as you have made up your mind to try to be more to him when all you care about in life is to comfort and help him and when your heart is much occupied with your new opinions a friend of yours a secularist comes to you and says A miserable life lies before you The atheists will never thoroughly take up with you while you live with your father the archbishop and of course it is wretched for you to be surrounded by those of another creed Come with me I love you I will make you happy and save you from persecution
In spite of himself Brian had smiled many times at this putting of an Archbishop of Canterbury into the position of Luke Raeburn But the conclusion arrived at seemed to him to admit of only one answer and left him very grave
You may be right he said very sadly But to stand still and watch her suffer—
He broke off unable to finish his sentence
Charles Osmond took it up
To stand still and watch her suffer will be the terribly hard work of a brave man who takes a true deep view To rush in with offers of help would be the work of an impetuous man who took a very superficial view If Erica were selfish I would say go and appeal to her selfishness and marry her at once for selfishness will never do any good in Guilford Terrace But she is one of the most devoted women I know Your appeal would be rejected I believe she will feel herself in the right place there and as long as that is the case nothing will move her
Father said Brian rather desperately I would take your opinion before any other opinion in the world You know her well far better than I do Tell me honestly do you think she could ever love me
You have given me a hard task said Charles Osmond But you have asked for my honest opinion and you must have it As long as her father lives I dont believe Erica will ever love a man well enough to marry him I remember in my young days a beautiful girl in our neighborhood the belle of the whole county and years went by and she had countless offers but she rejected them all People used to remonstrate with her and ask her how it was Oh she used to reply that is very easily explained I never see a man I think equal to my own brothers Now whatever faults Raeburn has we may be sure Erica sees far less plainly than we see and nobody can deny that he is a grand fellow When one bears in mind all that he has had against him his nobility of character seems to me marvelous He puts us to shame And that is why he seems to me the wholesome though powerful medicine for this nineteenth century of ours with its great professions and its unChristlike lives
What is the use of patience what is the use of love exclaimed Brian if I am never to serve her
Never Who said so said his father smiling Why you have been serving her every blessed day since you first loved her Is unspoken love worth nothing Are prayers useless Is it of no service to let your light shine But I see how it is As a doctor you look upon pain as the one great enemy to be fought with to be bound down to be conquered You want to shield Erica from pain which she cant be shielded from if she is to go on growing
Knowledge by suffering entereth
No one would so willingly indorse the truth of that as she herself And it will be so to the end of the chapter You cant shut her up in a beautiful casket and keep her from all pain If you could she would no longer be the Erica you love As for the rest I may be wrong She may have room for wifely love even now I have only told you what I think And whether she ever be your wife or not and from my heart I hope she may be your love will in no case be wasted Pure love cant be wasted its an impossibility
Brian sighed heavily but made no answer Presently he took up his hat and went out He walked on and on without the faintest idea of time or place occupied only with the terrible struggle which was going on in his heart which seemed only endurable with the help of rapid and mechanical exercise When at length he came to himself he was miles away from home right down at Shepherds Bush and he heard the church clocks striking twelve Then he turned back and walked home more quietly his resolution made
If he told Erica of his love and she refused him now he should not only add to her troubles but he should inevitably put an end to the comfort of the close friendship which now existed between the two families He would keep silence
Erica and her father returned on the Saturday and then began a most trying time Tom seemed to shrink from her just as he had done at the time of her mothers death He was shy and vexed too and kept as much out of her way as possible Mrs Craigie on the contrary could not leave her alone In spite of her brothers words she tried every possible argument and remonstrance in the hope of reconvincing her niece With the best intentions she was often grossly unfair and Erica with a naturally quick temper and her Raeburn inheritance of fluency and satire found her patience sorely tried Raeburn was excessively busy and they saw very little of him perhaps he thought it expedient that Erica should fight her own battles and fully realize the seriousness of the steps she had taken
Have you thought urged Mrs Craigie as a last argument have you thought what offense you will give to our whole party What do you think they will slay when they learn that you of all people have deserted the cause
The tears started to Ericas eyes for naturally she did feel this a great deal But she answered bravely and with a sort of ring in her voice which made Tom look up from his newspaper
They will know that Luke Raeburns daughter must be true to her convictions at whatever cost
Will you go on writing in the Idol asked Tom for the first time making an observation to her which was not altogether necessary
No said Erica how can I
Tom shrugged his shoulders and made no further remark
Then how do you mean to live How else can you support yourself asked Aunt Jean
I dont know said Erica I must get some other work somewhere
But her heart failed her though she spoke firmly She knew that to find work in London was no easy matter
Offer yourself to the Church Chronicle said Mrs Craigie sarcastically or better still to the Watch Dog They always make a good deal of capital out of a convert
Erica colored and had to bite her lip hard to keep back the quick retort which occurred to her all too naturally
By and by Mr Masterman and another wellknown secularist walked in They both knew of Ericas defection Mr Masterman attacked her at once in a sort of bantering way
So Miss Raeburn now I understand why some time ago you walked out in the middle of my lecture one evening
And then followed a most irritating semiserious remonstrance in questionable taste Erica writhed under it A flippant canvassing of her most private and sacred thoughts was hard to bear but she held her ground and being not without a touch of her fathers dignity Mr Masterman presently beat a retreat not feeling quite so well satisfied with himself as usual His companion did not allude directly to her change of views but treated her with a sort of pitying condescension as if she had been a mild lunatic
There was some sort of committee being held in the study that evening The next person to arrive was Professor Gosse and almost immediately after came Mr Harmston a charming old man whom Erica had known from her childhood They came in and had some coffee before going into the study Mrs Craigie talked to Mr Harmston Erica looking her loveliest waited on them Tom watched them all philosophically from the hearth rug
I am sorry to hear you have deserted your colors said the professor looking more grave than she had ever seen him look before Then his voice softening a little as he looked at her I expect it all comes of that illness of yours I believe religion is just an outgrowth of bad health mens sana in corpore sano you know Never mind you must still come to my workshop and I shall see if science wont reconvert you
He moved away with his goodhumored shaggylooking face leaving Erica to old Mr Harmston
I am much grieved to hear this of you Erica he said lowering his voice and bringing his gray head near to hers as grieved as if you were my own child You will be a sore loss to us all
Erica felt this keenly for she was very fond of the old man
Do you think it does not hurt me to grieve you all she said piteously But one must be honest
Quite right my dear said the old man but that does not make our loss the less heavy We had hoped great things of you Erica It is grievous to me that you should have fallen back to the miserable superstitions against which your father has fought so bravely
Come Mr Harmston said the professor we are late I fancy
And before Erica could make any reply Mrs Craigie and the two visitors had adjourned to the committee room leaving her alone with Tom
Now for two or three days Erica had been enduring Toms coldness and Mrs Craigies unceasing remonstrances all the afternoon she had been having a long and painful discussion with her friend Mrs MacNaughton this evening she had seen plainly enough what her position would be for the future among all her old acquaintances and an aching sense of isolation filled her heart She was just going to run upstairs and yield to her longing for darkness and quiet when Tom called her back She could not refuse to hear for the coldness of her old playmate had made her very sad but she turned back rather reluctantly for her eyes were brimming with tears
Dont go said Tom quite in his natural voice Have you any coffee for me or did the old fogies finish it
Erica went back to the table and poured him out a cup of coffee but her hand trembled and before she could prevent it down splashed a great tear into the saucer
Come said Tom cheerfully Dont go and spoil my coffee with salt water All very well for David in a penitential psalm to drink tears but in the nineteenth century you know—
Erica began to laugh at this a fatal proceeding for afterward came a great sob and the tears came down in good earnest Philosophical Tom always professed great contempt for tears and he knew that Erica must be very much moved indeed to cry in his presence or indeed to cry at all for as he expressed it It was not in her line But somehow when for the first time he saw her cry he did not feel contemptuous instead he began to call himself a hardhearted brute and a narrowminded fool and to feel miserable and out of conceit with himself
I say Erica dont cry he pleaded Dont I say I cant bear to see you Ive been a coldblooded wretch Im awfully sorry
Its very cowardly of me sobbed Erica But—but— with a rush of tears you dont know how I love you all its like being killed by inches
Youre not cowardly said Tom warmly Youve been brave and plucky I only wish it were in a better cause Look here Erica only stop crying and promise me that youll not take this so dreadfully to heart Ill stand by you I will indeed even though I hate your cause But it shant come between us any longer the hateful delusion has spoiled enough lives already It shant spoil ours
Oh dont cried Erica wounded anew by this
Well said Tom gulping down his longing to inveigh against Christianity it goes hard with me not to say a word against the religion that has brought us all our misery but for your sake Ill try not when talking with you Now let us begin again on the old footing
Not quite on the old footing either said Erica who had conquered her tears I love you a thousand times more you dear old Tom
And Tom who was made of sterling stuff did from that day forward stand by her through everything and checked himself when harsh words about religious matters rose to his lips and tried his best to smooth what could not fail to be a rough bit of walking
The first meeting between Charles Osmond and Erica after her return from Codrington did not come about till the morning after her conversation with Tom They had each called on the other but had somehow managed to miss When at length Erica was shown into the study connected in her mind with so many warm discussions she found it empty She sat down in the great arm chair by the window wondering if she were indeed the same Erica who had sat there years before on the day when her prophet had foretold her illness What changes had come about since then
But her Prophet was unchanged his brisk Well Erica was exactly what it had been when she had come to him in the days of her atheism It had always been full of welcome and sympathy and now the only difference was that a great happiness shone in his eyes as he came forward with his soft steady tread and took her hand in both his
They sat silent for awhile then talked a little but reservedly for both felt that the subject which filled their thoughts was at once too sacred and too personal to be altogether put into words Then by and by they began to discuss the practical consequences of the change and especially the great difficulty as to Ericas means of supporting herself
Could you not try teaching said Charles Osmond
The market is already overstocked
True but I should think that your brains and certificates ought to secure you work in spite of that
I should like it in many ways said Erica but you see except at the night school it is out of the question and I could not live upon my grant even if every one of my class passed the examination For any other sort of teaching who do you imagine would have the courage to employ any one bearing the name of Raeburn Why I cant give an order in a shop without being looked all over by the person who takes the address No governessing would be all very well if one might assume a nom de guerre but that would not do you see
You couldnt find work of that sort among your own set I suppose
Not now said Erica You see naturally enough I am very much out of favor with them all
Falling between two stools said Charles Osmond half to himself But dont lose heart Erica A stone that is fit for the wall will not be left in the way there is work for you somewhere By the way I might see old Crutchley he knows all the literary folk and might get you an introduction to some one at any rate
Just as Erica was leaving Brian came in from his rounds and they met at the door Had he known her trouble and perplexity as to work no power on earth could have induced him to keep silence any longer but he knew nothing She looked a little pale but that was natural enough and in her eyes he could see a peace which he had never seen there before Then deep unselfish happiness filled his heart again and Erica recognized in his greeting a great deal more than an ordinary bystander would have seen She went away feeling bettered by that handclasp
That is a downright good man she thought to herself Perhaps by the time hes fiftyfive hell be almost equal to his father
CHAPTER XXII An Editor
Socrates How singular is the thing called pleasure and
how curiously related to pain which might be thought to be
the opposite for they never come to a man together and yet
he who pursues either of them is generally compelled to take
the other They are two and yet they grow together out of
one head or stem and I can not help thinking that if Aesop
had noticed them he would have made a fable about God
trying to reconcile their strife and when he could not he
fastened their heads together and this is the reason why
when one comes the other follows Plato
That Erica should live any longer upon the money which her father chiefly made by the dissemination of views with which she disagreed was clearly impossible at least impossible to one of her sincere and thorough nature But to find work was very difficult indeed After an anxious waiting and searching she was one day surprised by receiving through Charles Osmonds friend Mr Crutchley an introduction to the editor of a wellknown and widely read paper Every one congratulated her but she could not feel very hopeful it seemed too good to prove true it was in fact so exactly the position which she would herself have chosen that it seemed unlikely it should ever really be hers Still of course she hoped and arrangements were made for an interview with Mr Bircham editor and part proprietor of the Daily Review
Accordingly one hot summer morning Erica dressed herself carefully tried to look old and serious and set off with Tom to the city
Ill see you safe to the door of the lions den said Tom as they made their way along the crowded streets I only wish I could be under the table during the interview I should like to see you doing the dignified journalist
I wouldnt have you for the world said Erica laughing Then growing grave again Oh Tom How I wish it were over Its worse than three hundred visits to a dentist rolled into one
Appalling prospect said Tom I can exactly picture what it will be BIRCHAM Such a forbidding name for an editor Hell be a sort of editorial Mr Squeers hell talk in a loud blustering way and youll feel exactly like a journalistic Smike
No said Erica laughing Hell be a neat little dapper man very smooth and bland and hell talk patronizingly and raise my hopes and then in a few days time will send me a polite refusal
Tell him at once that you heroworship Sir Michael Cunningham the statesman of the age the most renowned Sly Bacon
Tom do be quiet said Erica I wish you had never thought of that horrid name
Horrid I mean to make my fortune out of it If you like you can offer the pun on reasonable terms to Mr Bircham
Why this is Fleet Street Doesnt it lead out of this said Erica with an indescribable feeling in the back of her neck We must be quite near
Nearer than near said Tom Now then left wheel Here we are you see Its a mercy that you turn pink with fright not green like the seagreen Robespierre Go in looking as pretty as that and Mr Squeers will graciously accept your services unless hes sandblind
What a tease you are Do be quiet implored Erica And then in what seemed to her an alarmingly short time she was actually left by herself to beard the lion and a clerk was assuring her that Mr Bircham was in and would she walk upstairs
For reasons best known to himself the editor of the Daily Review had his private room at the very top of the house A sedate clerk led the way up a dingy staircase and Erica toiled after him wondering how much breath she should have left by the time she reached the end On one of the landings she caught sight of a sandy cat and felt a little reassured at meeting such an everyday creature in this grim abode she gave it a furtive stroke as she passed and would have felt it a protection if she could have picked it up and taken it with her That would have been undignified however and by the time she reached the editors room only a very observant person could have discovered in her frank selfpossessed manner any trace of nervousness
So different was Mr Bircham from their preconceived notions that she could almost have laughed at the contrast He was very tall and pompous he wore a lank brown wig which looked as if it might come off at any moment he had little keen gray eyes which twinkled and a broad mouth which shut very closely whether it was grim or humorous she could not quite decide He was sitting in a swivel chair and the table strewn with letters and the desk with its pigeon holes crammed with papers looked so natural and so like her fathers that she began to feel a reassuring sense of fellowship with this entire stranger The inevitable pastepot and scissors the piles of newspapers the books of reference all looked homelike to her
Mr Bircham rose and bowed rather formally motioned her to a seat and swung round his own seat so that they faced one another Then he scanned her from head to foot with the sort of appraising glance to which she was only too well accustomed a glance which said as plainly as words Oh So you are that atheists daughter are you
But whatever impression Erica made upon Mr Bircham not a muscle of his face altered and he began to discuss business in a most formal and businesslike way Things did not seem very hopeful and Erica began to doubt more and ore whether she had the smallest chance of acceptance Something in the dry formal manner of the editor struck a chill to her heart So much so very much depended on this interview and already the prospect seemed far from hopeful
I should like to see some of your work observed Mr Bircham How long have you been in the habit of writing in Mr Raeburns organ
For the last five years said Erica
Mr Bircham lifted his shaggy eyebrows at this for Erica looked even younger than she really was However he made no comment but took up the end of a speaking tube
Send up Jones with the file of IdolBreakers I ordered
Ericas color rose Presently the answer from the lower regions appeared in the shape of the sedate clerk carrying a great bundle of last years IdolBreakers
Perhaps you will show me one or two of your average articles said Mr Bircham and while Erica searched through the bundle of papers he took up one of the copies which she had put aside and studied the outside page critically The IdolBreaker Advocate of Freethought and Secularism Edited by Luke Raeburn
They are slaves who dare not be In the right with two or three
Mr Bircham put it down and began to watch her attentively She was absorbed in her search and was quite unconscious of his scrutiny Even had she noticed him she would not have understood what was passing in his mind His little gray eyes grew bright then he pushed back his wig impatiently then he cleared his throat finally he took snuff sneezed violently and walked to the window When he returned he was even more dry and formal than before
These I think are fairly representative said Erica I have marked them on the margin
He took the three or four copies she handed to him and began to look through one of the articles muttering a sentence half aloud every now and then and making little ejaculations which might have been either approval or disapproval
Finally the interview ended Mr Bircham put down the papers with a sigh of utter weariness Erica thought
Well Miss Raeburn he remarked I will look at one or two of your other articles and will communicate with you in a few days time
Then he shook hands with her with frigid politeness and in another minute she was slowly making her way down the dingy staircase Partly from the reaction after her excitement partly from mental worry and physical weariness she felt by the time she was fairly out of the office as if she could hardly drag herself along Her heart was like lead blank loss of hope and weary anxiety as to the next effort to be made were weighing her down She was naturally highspirited but when highspirited people do get depressed they go down to the very deepest depths and her interview with Mr Bircham by its dry cheerlessness by its lack of human interest had chilled her all through If he had even made a remark on the weather she thought she could have liked him better if he had expressed an opinion on any subject even if she had disagreed with him it would have been a relief as it was he seemed to her more like a hard steel pen dressed in broadcloth than a man
As to his last remark that could only mean one thing He did not like to tell her to her face that she would not suit him but he would communicate with her in a few days and say it comfortably on paper
She had never felt quite so desolate and forlorn and helpless as she felt that day when she left the Daily Review office and found herself in the noise and bustle of Fleet Street The midday sun blazed down upon her in all its strength the pavements seemed to scorch her feet the weary succession of hurrying pushing jostling passengers seemed to add to her sense of isolation Presently a girl stopped her and asked the way to Basinghall Street She knew it well enough but felt too utterly stupid to direct her
You had better ask a policeman she replied wearily
Then recollecting that she had several commissions to do for her father besides a great deal to do at the stores she braced herself up and tried to forget Mr Bircham and to devote her whole mind to the petty details of shopping
The next evening she was in the study with her father when Tom brought in a bundle of letters One of them was for Erica She at once recognized Mr Birchams writing and a new pang of disappointment shot through her though she had really lost all hope on the previous day This very speedy communication could only mean that his mind had been practically made up before She began to think of her next chance of the next quarter she must try and slowly opened the unwelcome letter But in a moment she had sprung to her feet in an ecstasy of happiness
Oh father Oh Tom He will have me
Raeburn looked up from his correspondence and together they read Mr Birchams letter It was quite as businesslike as he himself had been at the interview
Dear Madame Having fully considered the matter we are prepared to offer you a place on our staff The work required was explained to you yesterday For this we offer a salary of 200 pounds per annum Should you signify your acceptance of these terms we will send you our usual form of agreement I am yours faithfully Jacob Bircham
To Miss Raeburn
Commend me to people who dont raise ones expectations said Erica rapturously Three cheers for my dear stiff old editor
So that anxiety was over and Erica was most thankful to have such a load taken off her mind The comfort of it helped her through a very trying summer
CHAPTER XXIII Erica to the Rescue
Isabel I have spirit to do anything that appears not foul
in the truth of my spirit
Duke Virtue is bold and goodness never fearful
Measure for Measure
It was the first of September Watering places were crowded with visitors destruction had begun among the partridges and a certain portion of the hardworking community were taking their annual holiday
Raeburn whose holidays were few and far between had been toiling away all through the summer months in town This evening as he sat in his stifling little study he had fallen into a blank fit of depression He could neither work nor read Strong as his nature was it was not always proof against this grim demon which avenged itself on him for overtasking his brain shortening his hours of sleep and in other ways sacrificing himself to his work Tonight however there was reason for his depression for while he sat fighting his demon at home Erica had gone to Charles Osmonds church it was the evening of her baptism
Of course it was the necessary sequence of the confession she had made a few months before and Raeburn had long known that it was inevitable but none the less did he this evening suffer more acutely than he had yet suffered realizing more fully his childs defection The private confession had startled shocked grieved him inexpressibly but the public profession with its sense of irrevocableness filled his heart with a grief for which he could find no single ray of comfort
Ericas brave endurance of all the trials and discomforts involved in her change of faith had impressed him not a little and even when most hurt and annoyed by her new views he had always tried to shield her but it had been a hard summer and the loss of the home unity had tried him sorely
Moreover the comparative quiet of the last year was now ended A new foe had arisen in the person of a certain retired cheesemonger who had sworn war to the knife against the apostle of atheism Unfortunately Mr Pogsons war was not undertaken in a Christlike spirit his zeal was fast changing into personal animosity and he had avowed the he would crush Raeburn though it should cost him the whole of his fortune This very day he had brought into action the mischievous and unfair blasphemy laws and to everybodys amazement had commenced a prosecution against Raeburn for a socalled blasphemous libel in one of his recent pamphlets An attack on the liberty of the press was to Raeburn what the sound of the trumpet is to the war horse Yet now that the first excitement was over he had somehow sunk into a fit of black depression How was it Was his strength failing Was he growing old unfit for his work
He was roused at length by a knock at his door The servant entered with a number of letters He turned them over mechanically until some handwriting which reminded him of his mothers made him pause The letter bore the Greyshot postmark it must be from his sister Isabel He opened it with some eagerness there had been no communication between them since the time of his wifes death and though he had hoped that the correspondence once begun might have been continued nothing more had come of it The letter proved short and not altogether palatable It began with rejoicings over Ericas change of views the report of which had reached Mrs FaneSmith It went on to regret that he did not share in the change Raeburns lip curled as he read Then came a request that Erica might be allowed to visit her relations and the letter ended with a kindlymeant but mistaken offer
My husband and I both feel that there are many objections to Ericas remaining in her present home We should be much pleased if she would live with us at any rate until she has met with some situation which would provide her with a suitable and permanent residence
The offer was not intended to be insulting but undoubtedly to such a father as Raeburn it was a gross insult His eyes flashed fire and involuntarily he crushed the letter in his hand then a little ashamed of the passionate act he forced himself deliberately to smooth it out again and folding it accurately put it in his pocket A note for Erica remained in the envelope he placed it on the mantel piece then fell back in his chair again and thought
After all might not the visit to Greyshot be a very good thing for her Of course she would never dream of living with her aunt would indeed be as angry at the proposal as he had been But might not a visit of two or three weeks open her eyes to her new position and prove to her that among Christians such people as the Osmonds were only in the minority He knew enough of society to be able to estimate the position it would accord to Erica He knew that her sensitiveness would be wounded again and again that that her honesty would be shocked her belief in the socalled Christian world shaken Might not all this be salutary And yet he did not like the thought he could not bear sending her out alone to fight her own battles could not endure the consciousness that she was bearing his reproach Oh why had this miserable desolating change ever occurred At this very moment she was making public profession of a faith which could only place her in the most trying of positions at this very moment she was pledging herself to a life of bondage and trouble while he standing aside could see all the dangers and difficulties of her future and could do absolutely nothing
It reminded him of one of the most horrible moments of his life Walking up Regent Street one afternoon years ago Erica walking with Mrs Craigie on the opposite side had caught sight of him and regardless of the fourfold chain of carriages had rushed across to him with the fearless daring of a sixyearold child to whom the danger of horses hoofs was a mere nothing when compared with the desire to get a walk with her father His heart beat quicker even now as he thought of the paralyzing dread of long ago nor had Miss Erica ever been scolded for her loving rashness in his relief he had been unable to do anything but clasp the little hand in his as though nothing should ever part them again
But her loving disregard of all danger and difficulty was no longer inspired by love of him but by love of what Raeburn considered a myth and a delusion
In that lay the real sting He courage her suffering all seemed to him wasted altogether on the wrong side Once more black gloom fell upon him The room grew dusk then dark but still he remained motionless
Again he was interrupted by a knock at his door
Signor Civita wished to speak to him
He braced himself up for an interview with some stranger and in walked a foreigner wrapped in a long cloak and looking exceedingly like a stage brigand
He bowed the brigand bowed too and said something rapid and unintelligible in Italian Then glanced at the door to see that it was safely closed he made a bound to the open window and shut it noiselessly Raeburn quietly reached down a loaded revolver which hung about the mantel piece and cocked it whereupon the brigand fell into a paroxysm of laughter and exclaimed in German
Why my good friend Do you not know me
Haeberlein exclaimed Raeburn in utter amazement submitting to a German embrace
Eric himself and no other returned the brigand Draw your curtains and lock your door and you shall see me in the flesh I am half stifled in this lordly wig
Wait said Raeburn Be cautious
He left him for a minute and Haeberlein heard him giving orders that no one else was to be admitted that evening Then he came back quietly bolted the door closed the shutters and lighted the gas In the meantime his friend threw off his cloak removed the wig of long dark hair and the drooping mustache and shaggy eyebrows revealing his natural face and form Raeburn grasped his hand once more
Now I feel that Ive got you Eric he exclaimed What lucky chance has brought you so unexpectedly
No lucky one said Haeberlein with an expressive motion of the shoulders But of that anon let me look at you old fellow why youre as white as a miller Call yourself sixandforty You might pass for my grandfather
Raeburn who had a large reserve fund of humor caught up his friends black wig from the table and put it on above his own thick white hair showing plainly enough that in face and spirits he was as young as ever It was seven years since they had met and they fell to talk of reminiscences and in the happiness of their meeting put off the more serious matters which must be discussed before long It was a good half hour before Haeberlein alluded to the occasion of his present visit
Bring actually in London I couldnt resist looking in upon you he said a cloud of care coming over his face I only hope it wont get you into a scrape I came over to try to avert this deplorable business about poor Kellner too late I fear And the worst of it is I must have blundered somehow for my coming leaked out and they are on the watch for me If I get safe across to France tonight I shall be lucky
Incautious as ever sighed Raeburn And that Kellner richly deserves his fate Why should you meddle
I was bound to said Haeberlein He did me many a good turn during my exile and though he has made a grave mistake yet—
Yet you must run your chivalrous head into a halter for his sake exclaimed Raeburn You were ever Quixote I shall live to see you hanged yet
Haeberlein laughed
No I dont think you will he said cheerfully Ive had some bad falls but Ive always fallen on my feet With a good cause a man has little to fear
If this WERE a good cause said Raeburn with significant emphasis
It was the least I could do said Haeberlein with the chivalrous disregard of self which was his chief characteristic I only fear that my coming here may involve you in it which Heaven forfend I should never forgive myself if I injured your reputation
Raeburn smiled rather bitterly
You need not fear that My reputation has long been at the mercy of all the lying braggarts in the country Men label me socialist one day individualist the next I become communist or egotist as is most convenient to the speaker and most damaging to myself But there he exclaimed regaining the tranquil serenity which characterized him why should I rail at the world when I might be talking to you How is my old friend Hans
The sound of a key in the latch startled them
It is only Erica said Raeburn I had forgotten she was out
My pretty little namesake I should like to see her Is she still a zealous little atheist
No she has become a Christian said Raeburn speaking with some effort
So exclaimed Haeberlein without further comment He himself was of no particular creed he was just indifferent and the zeal of his friend often surprised him
Raeburn went out into the passage drew Erica into the front sitting room and closed the door
There is an old friend of yours in my study he said He wishes to see you but you must promise secrecy for he is in danger
Is it Herr Haeberlein asked Erica
Yes on one of his rash kindly errands but one of which I dont approve However his work is over and we must try to get him safely off to France Come in with me if you will but I wanted to tell you about it first so that you should not be mixed up with this against your will which would be unfair
Would it said Erica smiling as she slipped her hand into his
Haeberlein had taken a newspaper out of his pocket and was searching for something The gas light fell on his cleanshaven face revealing a sweettempered mouth keen blue eyes a broad German forehead and closely cropped irongray hair Erica thought him scarcely altered since their last meeting He threw down his newspaper as she approached
Well my Herzblattchen he exclaimed saluting her with a double kiss so you are not ashamed of your old friend So holding her at arms length and regarding her critically Potztausend The English girls do beat ours all to nothing Well my Liebchen dost thou remember the day when thou carried the Casati dispatches in thy geography book under the very nose of a spy It was a brave deed that and it saved a brave mans life
Erica smiled and colored I was not so brave as I seemed she said My heart was beating so loud I thought people must hear it
Has thou never heard the saying of the first Napoleon The bravest man is he who can conceal his fear I do not come under that category for I never had fear never felt it Thou wouldst not dream Herzblattchen that spies are at this moment dogging my steps while I jest here with thee
Is that indeed true exclaimed Erica
They explained to her a little more of Haeberleins errand and the risk he ran he alluded to his hopes that Raeburn might not be involved in any unpleasant consequences Erica grew pale at the bare suggestion
See exclaimed Haeberlein the little one cares more for your reputation than you do yourself my friend See what it is to have a daughter who can be afraid for you though she can not be afraid for herself But Liebchen Thou must not blame me for coming to see him Think My best friend and unseen for seven years
It is worth a good deal of risk said Erica brightly But as the terror or having her fathers name mentioned in connection with Herr Kellners once more returned to her she added pleadingly And you WILL be careful when you leave the house
Yes indeed said Haeberlein See what a disguise I have
He hastily donned the black wig mustache and eyebrows and the long Italian cloak
Erica looked at him critically
Art thou not satisfied he asked
Not a bit she said promptly In London every one would turn to look twice at such a dress as that which is what you want to avoid Besides those eyebrows are so outrageous so evidently false
She thought for a minute
My brown Inverness suggested Raeburn
Too thick for a summer night said Erica and glancing from her father to Haeberlein too long to look natural I think Toms ulster and traveling hat would be better
Commend me to a woman when you want sound advice cried Haeberlein
Erica went to search Toms room for the ulster and in the meantime Haeberlein showed his friend a paragraph in one of the evening papers which proved to Raeburn that the risk was indeed very great They were discussing things much more gravely when Erica returned
The stations will be watched Haeberlein was saying
What station do you go to asked Erica
I thought of trying Cannon Street replied the German
Because continued Erica I think you had better let me see you off You will look like a young Englishman and I shall do all the talking so that you need not betray your accent They would never dream of Herr Haeberlein laughing and talking with a young girl
They would never dream that a young girl would be brave enough to run such a risk said Haeberlein No my sweet Herzblattchen I could not bring thee into danger
There will be none for me said Erica and it may save you from evil and my father from suspicion Father if you will let me it would be more of a disguise than anything
You might meet some one you know said Raeburn
Very unlikely she replied And even if I did what would it matter I need not tell them anything and Herr Haeberlein would get off all the same
He saw that she was too pure and too unconventional to understand his objection but his whole heart rebelled against the idea of letting her undertake the task and it was only after much persuasion that she drew from him a reluctant consent After all it would be a great safeguard to Haeberlein and Haeberlein was his dearest friend For no one else could he have risked what was so precious to him There was very little time for discussion The instant his permission was given Erica ran upstairs to Toms private den lighted his gas stove and made a cup of chocolate at the same time blackening a cork very carefully In a few minutes she returned to the study carrying the chocolate and a plate of rusks which she remembered were a particular weakness of Herr Haeberleins She found that in her absence the two had been discussing matters again for Haeberlein met her with another remonstrance
Liebe Erica he began I yielded just now to thy generous proposal but I think it will not do For myself I can be rash but not for thee Thou art too frail and lovely my little one to get mixed up with the grim realities of such a life as mine
She only laughed Why I have been mixed up with them ever since I was a baby
True but now it is different The world might judge thee harshly people might say things which would wound thee
They say LET them say quoted Erica smiling mens conscia recti will carry one through worse things than a little slander No no you must really let me have my own way It is right and theres an end of it
Raeburn let things run their course he agreed with Erica all the time though his heart impelled him to keep her at home And as to Eric Haeberlein it would have needed a far stronger mind than that of the sweettempered quixotic German to resist the generous help offered by such a lovely girl
There was no time to lose the latest train for the Continent left at 925 and before Haeberlein had adjusted his new disguise the clock struck nine Erica very carefully blackened his eyebrows and ruthlessly sheared the long black wig to an ordinary and unnoticeable length and when Toms ulster and hat were added the disguise was so perfect and made Haeberlein look so absurdly young that Raeburn himself could not possibly have recognized him
In past years Raeburn had often risked a great deal for his friend At one time his house had been watched day and night in consequence of his wellknown friendship with the Republican Don Quixote Unfortunately therefore it was only too probable that Haeberlein in risking his visit this evening might have run into a trap If he were being searched for his friends house would almost inevitably be watched
They exchanged farewells not without some show of emotion on each side and just at the last Raeburn hastily bent down and kissed Ericas forehead at his heart a sickening sense of anxiety She too was anxious but she was very happy to have found on the evening of her baptism so unusual a service to render to her father and besides the consciousness of danger always raised her spirits
When as they had half expected they found the wouldbe naturallooking detective prowling up and down the culdesac it was no effort to her to begin at once a laughing account of a school examination which Charles Osmond had told her about and so naturally and brightly did she talk that though actually brushing past the spy under the full light of the street lamp she entirely disarmed suspicion
It was a horrible moment however Her heart beat wildly as they passed on and every moment she thought she should hear quick steps behind them But nothing came of it and in a few minutes they were walking down Southampton Row When this was safely passed she began to feel comparatively at ease Haeberlein thought they might take a cab
Not a hansom she said quickly as he was on the point of hailing one You would be so much more exposed you know
Haeberlein extolled her common sense and they secured a fourwheeler and drove to Cannon Street
Talking now became more possible Haeberlein leaned far back in the corner and spoke in low tones
Thou has been my salvation Erica he said pressing her hand That fellow would never have let me pass in the Italian costume Thou wert right as usual it was theatrical how do you call stagey is it not
I am a little troubled about your mouth said Erica smiling the mustache doesnt disguise it and it looks so goodtempered and like itself Cant you feel severe just for half an hour
Haeberlein smiled his irresistibly sweet smile and tried to comply with her wishes but not very successfully
I think said Erica presently it will be the best way if you dont mind for you just to stroll through the booking office while I take your ticket I can meet you by the book stall and I will still talk for us both in case you betray your accent
HERZBLATTCHEN exclaimed Haeberlein how shall I ever repay thee Thou art a real canny little Scot I only wish I had half thy caution and forethought
Dont look like that said Erica laughing as the benignant expression once more came over his lips You really must try to turn down the corners Your character is a silent morose misanthrope I am the chatter box pure and simple
They were both laughing when they drew near to the station but a sense of the risk sobered Haeberlein and Erica carried out her programme to perfection It was rather a shock to her indeed to find a detective keenly inspecting all who went to the ticket office He stood so close to the pigeon hole that Erica doubted whether Herr Haeberleins eyebrows improved though they were could possibly have escaped detection It required all her self command to prevent her color from rising and her fingers from trembling as she received the ticket and change under that steady scrutiny Then she passed out on to the platform and found that Herr Haeberlein had been wise enough to buy the paper which least sympathized with his views and in a few minutes he was safely disposed in the middle of a wellfilled carriage
Erica took out her watch There were still three minutes before the train started three long interminable minutes She looked down the platform and her heart died within her for steadily advancing toward them she saw two men making careful search in every carriage
Herr Haeberlein was sitting with his back to the engine Between him and the door sat a lady with a copy of the Graphic on her knee If she could only have been persuaded to read it it might have made an effectual screen She tried to will her to take it up but without success And still the detectives moved steadily forward with their keen scrutiny
Erica was in despair Herr Haeberlein imagined himself safe now and she could not warn him without attracting the notice and rousing the suspicion of the passengers To complete her misery she saw that he had pushed his wig a little on one side and through the black hair she caught a glimpse of silver gray
Her heart beat so fast that it almost choked her but still she forced herself to talk and laugh though every moment the danger drew nearer At the very last moment an inspiration came to her The detectives were examining the next carriage
They are taking things in the most leisurely way tonight she exclaimed Im tired of waiting I shall say goodbye to you and go home I think
As she spoke she opened the carriage door stepped in and demonstratively kissed her silent companion much to the amusement of the passengers who had been a good deal diverted by her racy conversation and the grumpy replies of the traveler There was a smile on every face when one of the detectives looked in He glanced to the other side of the carriage and saw a darkhaired young man in an ulster and a pretty girl taking leave of her lover Ericas face entirely hid Herr Haeberliens from view and the man passed on with a shrug and a smile She had contrived to readjust his wig and with many last words managed to spin out the remaining time till at last the welcome signal of departure was given
Haeberleins mouth relaxed into a benignant smile as he nodded a farewell then he discreetly composed himself into a sleeping posture while Erica stood on the platform and waved her handkerchief
As she moved away the two detectives passed by her
Not there At any rate she heard one of them say Maybe they got him by the nine oclock at Waterloo
More likely trapped him in Guilford Terrace replied the other
Erica shaking with suppressed laughter saw the men leave the station and then springing into a cab drove to a street in the neighborhood of Guildford Square
Now that her work was over she began to feel what a terrible strain it had been At first she lay back in the corner of the cab in a state of dreamy peace watching the gaslighted streets the hurrying passengers with a comfortable sense of security and rest But when she was set down near Guilford Square her courage which in real danger had never failed her suddenly ebbed away and left her merely a young girl with aching back and weary limbs with a shrinking dislike of walking alone so late in the evening Worse of all her old childish panic had taken hold of her once more her knees trembled beneath her as she remembered that she must pass the spy who would assuredly still be keeping watch in Guilford Terrace The dread of being secretly watched had always been a torment to her Spies sometimes real sometimes imaginary had been the terror of her childhood had taken the place of the ghost and bogy panics which assail children brought up in other creeds
The fact was she had been living at very high pressure and she was too much exhausted to conquer her unreasonable fright which increased every moment until she was on the point of going to the Osmonds willing to frame any excuse for so late a visit if only she could get one of them to walk home with her Honesty and shame hindered her however With a great effort of will she forced herself to pass the door horrified to find how nearly selfish cowardice had induced her to draw her friends into suspicion Echoes of the hymns sung at her baptism and at the subsequent confirmation rang in her ears She walked on more bravely
By the time she reached Guilford Terrace she had herself quite in hand And it was well for as she walked down the dreary little alley a dark form emerged from the shadow and suddenly confronted her
Any one might reasonably be a little startled by having a sudden pause made before them by an unknown person on a dark night Erica thought she could exactly sympathize with a shying horse she felt very much inclined to swerve aside Fortunately she betrayed no fear only a little surprise as she lifted her head and looked the man full in the face then moved on with quiet dignity She felt him follow her to the very door and purposely she took out her latch key with great deliberation and allowed him if he pleased to take a quiet survey of the passage while she rubbed her boots on the mat then with a delicious sense of safety she closed the door on the unfriendly gaze
In the meantime Raeburn had spent a miserably anxious evening regretting his rash permission for Erica to go regretting his own enforced inaction regretting his wellknown and undisguisable face and form almost regretting that his friend had visited him Like Erica he was only personally brave he could not be brave for other people Actual risk he would have enjoyed but this anxious waiting was to him the keenest torture
When at length the agelong hour had passed and he heard the front door close he started up with an exclamation of relief and hurried out into the passage Erica greeted him with her brightest smile
All safe she said following him into the study He is well on his way to Folkestone and we have eluded three spies
Then with a good deal of humor she related the whole of the adventure at the same time taking off her hat and gloves
And you met no one you knew asked Raeburn
Only the bishop who baptized and confirmed me this evening and he of course did not recognize me
As she spoke she unbuttoned her ulster disclosing beneath it her white serge dress
Raeburn sighed Words and sight both reawakened a grief which he would fain have put from him
But Erica came and sat down on the hearth rug and nestled up to him just as usual I am so tired padre mio she exclaimed But it has been well worth it
Raeburn did not answer She looked up in his face
What are you thinking
I was thinking that few people had such an ending to their confirmation day said Raeburn
I thank God for it said Erica Oh father There is so much so very much we still have in common And I am so glad this happened tonight of all nights
He stroked her hair caressingly but did not speak
CHAPTER XXIV The New Relations
For all men live and judge amiss
Whose talents jump not just with his Hudibras
Comfortable moles whom what they do
Teaches the limit of the just and true
And for such doing they require not eyes Matthew Arnold
One bright afternoon about a week after this Erica found herself actually in the train and on her way to Greyshot At first she had disliked the idea but her father had evidently wished her to accept the invitation and a hope of uniting again the two families would have stimulated her to a much more formidable undertaking than a visit of a few weeks to perfect strangers She knew nothing of the proposal made to her father her own letter had been most kind and after all though she did not like the actual leaving home she could not but look forward to a rest and change after the long summer months in town Moreover Aunt Jean had just returned after a brief holiday and the home atmosphere for the last two or three days had been very trying she felt as if a change would make her better able to bear the small daily frets and annoyances and not unnaturally looked forward to the delicious rest of unity A Christian home ought to be delightful she had never stayed in one and had a high ideal
It was about six oclock by the time she reached her journeys end and waiting for her on the platform she had no difficulty in recognizing her aunt a taller and fairer edition of Mrs Craigie who received her with a kind nervous diffident greeting and seemed very anxious indeed about her luggage which was speedily brought to light by the footman and safely conveyed to the carriage Erica used to complete independence felt as if she were being transformed into a sort of grownup baby as she was relieved of her bag and umbrella and guided down the steps and assisted into the open landau and carefully tucked in with a carriage rug
I hope you are not overtired with the journey inquired her aunt with an air of the kindest and most anxious solicitude
Accustomed to a really hard life in London Erica almost laughed at the idea of being overtired by such a short journey
Oh I have enjoyed it thank you she replied What a lovely line it is
Is it said her aunt a little surprised I didnt know it was considered specially pretty and I myself am never able to look much at the scenery in traveling it always gives me a headache
What a pity said Erica It is such a treat I think In fact it is the only way in which I have seen what people call scenery I never stayed in the country in my life
My dear is it possible exclaimed Mrs FaneSmith in a horrified voice Yet you do not look pale Do you mean that you have spent your whole life in town
I was at Paris for two years said Erica and twice I have spent a little time at the seaside and years and years ago father was once taken ill at Southampton and we went to him there that was almost like the country I mean one could get country walks It was delightful there was a splendid avenue you know and oh such a common It was in the spring time I shall never forget the yellow gorse and the hawthorns and such beautiful velvety grass
Her enthusiasm pleased her aunt moreover it was a great relief to find the unknown niece wellbred and companionable and not overburdened with shyness Already Mrs FaneSmith loved her and felt that the invitation which she had given really from a strong sense of duty was likely to give her pleasure instead of discomfort All the way home while Erica admired the Greyshot streets and asked questions about the various buildings Mrs FaneSmith was rejoicing that so fair a brand as she mentally expressed it had been plucked from the burning and resolving that she would adopt her as a second daughter and if possible induce her to take their name and drop the notorious Raeburn The relief was great for on the way to the station Mrs FaneSmith had been revolving the unpleasant thought in her mind that really there was no knowing Erica might be anything since her mother was a nobody
At last they drew up before a large house in the most fashionable of the Greyshot squares the windows and balconies of which were gay with flowers
We shall find Rose at home I expect said Mrs FaneSmith leading Erica across a marblepaved hall and even as she spoke a merry voice came from the staircase and down ran a fairhaired girl with a charmingly eager and naive manner
Erica had guessed what she must be from the quaint and kindly meant letter which she had sent her years before and though five years in society had somewhat artificialized Rose she still retained much of her childishness and impetuous honesty She slipped her arm into her cousins and took her off to her room at once
I am so glad you have come she exclaimed I have been longing to see you for years and years Mamma has been talking so much about your cleverness and my stupidity that just at the last I felt quite in a fright lest you should be too dreadfully blue I looked out of the drawing room window for you and if you had been very forbidding I should have received you in state in the drawing room but you were so charmingly pretty that I was obliged to rush down headlong to meet you
Erica laughed and blushed not being used to such broad compliments In the meantime they had traversed several flights of stairs and Rose opening a door showed her into a spacious bedroom most luxuriously fitted up
This great big room for me exclaimed Erica
It isnt at all ghostly said Rose reassuringly Will you be afraid if you have a night light
Erica laughed at the idea of being afraid she was merely amused to think of herself established in such a palatial bedroom such a contrast to the little booklined room at home There was a dainty little book case here however with some beautifully bound books and in another minute she was delightedly scanning their titles and with a joyous exclamation had caught up Brownings Christmaseve and Easterday when a sound of dismay from her cousin made her laughingly put it down again
Oh dear me said Rose in a despairing voice I am afraid after all you are dreadfully blue Fancy snatching up a Browning like that
Erica began to unlock her trunk
Do you want your things out said Rose Ill ring for Gemma shell unpack for you
Oh thank you said Erica I would much rather do it myself
But it is nearly dinner time we are dining early this evening and you will want Gemma to help you to dress
Oh no said Erica laughing I never had a maid in my life
How funny said Rose I shouldnt know what to do without one Gemma does everything for me at least everything that Elspeth will let her
Is she Italian asked Erica
Oh no her name is really Jemima but that was quite too dreadfully ugly you know and she is such a pretty girl
She chattered on while Erica unpacked and put on her white serge then they went down to the drawing room where Erica was introduced to her host a small elderly man who looked as if the Indian sun had partially frizzled him He received her kindly but with a sort of ceremonious stiffness which made her feel less perfectly at her east than before and after the usual remarks about the length of the journey and the beauty of the weather he relapsed into silence surveying every one from his arm chair as though he were passing mental judgments on every foolish or trifling remark uttered In reality he was taking in every particular about Erica He looked at her broad forehead overshadowed by the thick smooth waves of short auburn hair observed her goldenbrown eyes which were just now as clear as amber noted the creamy whiteness and delicate coloring of her complexion which indeed defied criticism even the criticism of such a critical man as Mr FaneSmith The nose was perhaps a trifle too long the chin too prominent for ideal beauty but greater regularity of feature could but have rendered less quaint less powerful and less attractive the strangely winsome face It was only the mouth which he did not feel satisfied with it added character to the face but he somehow felt that it betokened a nature not easily led not so gentle and pliable as he could have wished It shut so very firmly and the under lip was a little thinner and straighter than the other and receded a little from it giving the impression that Erica had borne much suffering and had exercised great selfrestraint
Mrs FaneSmith saw in her a sort of miniature and feminine edition of the Luke Raeburn whom she remembered eightandtwenty years before in their Scottish home When Rose had gone into the back drawing room to fetch her crewels she drew Erica toward her and kissing her again said in a low almost frightened voice
You are very like what your father was
But just at that moment Mr FaneSmith asked some sudden question and his wife starting and coloring as though she had been detected in wrongdoing hurriedly and nervously devoted herself to what seemed to Erica a distractingly roundabout answer By the time it was fairly ended dinner was announced and the strangeness of the atmosphere of this new home struck more and more upon Erica and chilled her a little The massive grandeur of the old oak furniture the huge oil paintings which she wanted really to study the great silver candelabra even the two footmen and the solemn old butler seemed to oppress her The luxury was almost burdensome It was a treat indeed to see and use beautiful glass and china and pleasant to have beautiful fruit and flowers to look at but Erica was a bohemian and hated stiff ceremony Her heart failed her when she thought of sitting down night after night to such an interminable meal Worse still she had taken a dislike to her host Her likes and dislikes were always characterized by Highland intensity and something in her aunts husband seemed to rub her the wrong way Mr FaneSmith was a retired Indian judge a man much respected in the religious world and in his way a really good man but undoubtedly his sympathies were narrow and his creed hard Closely intwined with much true and active Christianity he had allowed to spring up a choking overgrowth of hard criticism of intolerance of domineering dogmatism He was one of those men who go about the world trying not to find points of union with all men but ferreting out the most trifling points of divergence He did this with the best intentions no doubt but as Ericas whole view of life and of Christian life in particular was the direct opposite of his their natures inevitably jarred
She knew that it was foolish to expect every Christian household to be equal to the Osmonds but nevertheless a bitter sense of disappointment stole over her that evening Where was the sense of restful unity which she had looked forward to The new atmosphere felt strange the new order of life this luxurious easy life was hard to comprehend
To add to her dislike Mr FaneSmith was something of an epicure and had a most fastidious palate Now Ericas father thought scarcely anything about what he ate it was indeed upon record that he had once in a fit of absence dined upon a plate of scraps intended for Friskarina while engaged in some scientific discussion with the professor Mr FaneSmith on the other hand though convinced that the motto of all atheists was Let us eat and drink for tomorrow we die criticized his food almost as severely as he criticized human beings The mulligatawny was not to his taste The curry was too not He was sure the jelly was made with that detestable stuff gelatine he wished his wife would forbid the cook to use it if she had seen old horses being led into a gelatine manufactory as he had seen she would be more particular
Interspersed between these compliments was conversation which irritated Erica even more It was chiefly about the sayings and doings of people whom she did not know and the doings of some clergyman in a neighboring town seemed to receive severe censure for Mr FaneSmith stigmatized him as A most dangerous man a Pelagian in disguise However he seemed to be fond of labeling people with the names of old heresies for presently when Rose said something about Mr Farrant her father replied contemptuously
Every one knows my dear that Mr Farrant holds unorthodox views Why a few years ago he was an atheist and now hes a mere Photinian
As no one but Mr FaneSmith had the faintest idea what a Photinian meant the accusation could neither be understood nor refuted Mrs FaneSmith looked very uncomfortable fearing that her niece might feel hurt at the tone in which He was an atheist had been spoken and indeed Ericas color did rise
Is that Mr Farrant the member she asked
Yes replied her aunt apprehensively Do you know him
Not personally but I shall always honor him for the splendid speech he made last year on religious toleration said Erica
Mr FaneSmith raised his eyebrows for the same speech had made him most indignant However he began to realize that before Erica could become a patient recipient of his opinions like his wife and daughter he must root out the false ideas which evidently still clung to her
Mr Farrant is no doubt a reformed character now he admitted But he is far from orthodox far from orthodox At one time I am told that he was one of the wildest young fellows in the neighborhood no decent person would speak to him and though no doubt he means well yet I could never have confidence in such a man
I have heard a good deal about him from my friends the Osmonds said Erica stimulated as usual to side with the abused Mr Osmond thinks him the finest character he ever knew
Is that the clergyman you told me of interposed Mrs FaneSmith anxious to turn the conversation
But her husband threw in a question too
What Charles Osmond do you mean the author of Essays on Modern Christianity
Yes replied Erica
I dont know that he is much more orthodox than Mr Farrant said Mr FaneSmith I consider that he has Noetian tendencies
Ericas color rose and her eyes flashed
I do not know whether he is what is called orthodox or not she said but I do know that he is the most Christlike man I ever met
Mr FaneSmith looked uncomfortable He would name any number of heresies and heretics but except at grace it was against his sense of etiquette to speak the name of Christ at table Even Rose looked surprised and Mrs FaneSmith colored and at once made the move to go
On the plea of fetching some work Erica escaped to her own room and there tried to cool her cheeks and her temper but the idea of such a man as Mr FaneSmith sitting in judgment on such men as Mr Farrant and Charles Osmond had thoroughly roused her and she went down still in a dangerous state a touch would make her anger blaze up
Are you fond of knitting asked her aunt making room for her on the sofa and much relieved to find that her niece was not of the unfeminine blue order
I dont really like any work said Erica but of course a certain amount must be done and I like to knit my fathers socks
Mr FaneSmith who had just joined them took note of this answer and it seemed to surprise and displease him though he made no remark
Did he think that atheists didnt wear socks Or that their daughters couldnt knit thought Erica to herself with a little resentful inward laugh
The fact was that Mr FaneSmith saw more and more plainly that the niece whom his wife was so anxious to adopt was by no means his ideal of a convert Of course he was really and honestly thankful that she had adopted Christianity but it chafed him sorely that she had not exactly adopted his own views He was a man absolutely convinced that there is but one form of truth and an exceedingly narrow form he made it for all mankind He Mr FaneSmith had exactly grasped the whole truth and whoever swerved to the right or to the left if only by a hairs breadth was he considered in a dangerous and lamentable condition Ah He thought to himself if only he had had from the beginning the opportunity of influencing Erica instead of that dangerously broad Charles Osmond It did not strike him that he HAD had the opportunity ever since his return to England but had entirely declined to admit an atheist to his house Other men had labored and he had entered into the fruit of their labors and not finding it quite to his taste fancied that he could have managed much better
There are few sadder things in the world than to see really good and wellintentioned men fighting for what they consider the religious cause with the devils weapons Mr FaneSmith would have been dismayed if any one could have shown him that all his life he had been struggling to suppress unbelief by what was infinitely worse than sincere unbelief denunciation often untrue always unjust invariably uncharitable He would have been almost brokenhearted could he ever have known that his hard intolerance his narrowness his domineering injustice had not deterred one soul from adopting the views he abhorred but had on the contrary done a great deal to drive into atheism those who were wavering And this evening even while lamenting that he had not been able to train up his niece exactly in the opinions he himself held he was all the time trying her faith more severely than a whole regiment of atheists could have tried it
The time passed heavily enough When two people in the room are unhappy and uncomfortable a sense of unrest generally falls upon the other occupants Rose yawned talked fitfully about the gayeties of the coming week worked half a leaf on an antimacassar and sang three or four silly little coquettish songs which somehow jarred on every one
Mrs FaneSmith feeling anxious and harassed afraid alike of vexing her husband and offending her niece talked kindly and laboriously Erica turned the heel of her sock and responded as well as she could her sensitiveness recoiling almost as much from the labored and therefore oppressive kindness as from the irritating and narrow censure which Mr FaneSmith dealt out to the world
Family prayers followed It was the first time she had ever been present at such a household gathering and the idea seemed to her a very beautiful one But the function proved so formal and lifeless that it chilled her more than anything Yet her relations were so very kind to her personally that she blamed herself for feeling disappointed and struggled hard to pierce through the outer shell which she knew only concealed their real goodness She knew too that she had herself to blame in part her oversensitiveness her quick temper her want of deep insight had all had their share in making that evening such a blank failure
Mrs FaneSmith went with her into her bedroom to see that she had all she wanted Though the September evening was mild a fire blazed in the grate much to Ericas astonishment Not on the most freezing of winter nights had she ever enjoyed such a luxury Her aunt explained that the room looked north and besides she thought a fire was cheerful and homelike
You are very kind said Erica warmly but you know I mustnt let you spoil me or I shall not be fit to go back to the home life and I want to go home much more fit for it
Something in the spontaneous warmth and confidence of this speech cheered Mrs FaneSmith She wished above all things to win her nieces love and confidence and she wisely reserved her proposal as to the matter of a home for another time It was necessary however that she should give Erica a hint as to the topics likely to irritate Mr FaneSmith
I think dear she began it would be as well if when my husband and Rose are present you are careful not to speak of your father You wont mind my saying this but I know it displeases my husband and I think you will understand that there are objections society you know and public opinion we must consult it a little
Mrs FaneSmith grew nervous and incoherent threw her arms round her nieces neck kissed her most affectionately and wished her good night
When she left the room Ericas repressed indignation blazed up We fear it must be recorded that she fairly stamped with anger
Wounded in her tenderest part indignant at the insult to her father ashamed of her own want of control miserably perplexed by her new surroundings it was long before she could compose herself She paced up and down the richly furnished room struggling hard to conquer her anger At length by a happy impulse she caught up her prayer book checked her longing to walk rapidly to and fro sat down on the Indian rug before the fire and read the evening psalm It happened to be the thirtyseventh Nothing could have calmed her so effectually as its tender exhortation its wonderful sympathy with human nature Fret not thyself else shalt thou be moved to do evil Put thou thy trust in the Lord and be doing good Put thy trust in Him and He will bring it to pass
She closed the book and sat musing her anger quite passed away
All at once she recollected old Elspeth the nurse Her father had charged her with many messages to the faithful old servant and so had her aunt She felt ashamed to think that she had been several hours in the house without delivering them Roses room was close to hers She went out and knocked softly at the door
I just came to see whether Elspeth was here she said rather dismayed to find the candles out and the room only lighted up by the red glow from the fire
Rose who had had no temper to conquer was already in bed Still in your dress she exclaimed I believe youve been at that Browning again But did no one come to help you I sent Gemma
I didnt want help thank you said Erica I only wanted to see Elspeth because I have a message for her
How conscientious you are said Rose laughing I always make a point of forgetting messages when I go from home Well you will find Elspeth in the little room on the next half landing the work room She was here not two minutes ago Good night Breakfast is at nine you know and theyll bring you a cup of tea when they call you
A little shyly Erica made her way to the work room where Elspeth was tacking frilling into one of Roses dresses The old woman started up with a quick exclamation when she appeared in the doorway
May I come in said Erica with all the charm of manner which she had inherited from her father Tis very late but I didnt like to go to bed without seeing you
I hope missie has everything she wants asked Elspeth anxiously
Yes indeed said Erica All I want is to see you and to give you my fathers love to ask how you are He and Aunt Jean have often told me about you You have not forgotten them
Forgotten No indeed cried old Elspeth When I saw you at Takin the book and saw you so like your poor father I could have cried You are Mr Lukes bairn and no mistake my bonny lassie Ah I mind the day well when he came to my room the auld nursery in the parsonage where I had reared him and told me that master had ordered him out of the house I pray God I may never again see a face look as his looked then
Tears started to her eyes at the recollection Erica threw her arms round her neck and kissed her
You love him still I see you love him she exclaimed all her feeling of isolation melting in the assurance of the old servants sympathy
So after all Erica had a maid in attendance for Elspeth insisted on seeing her to bed and since they talked all the time about the old Scotch days she was well content to renounce her independence for a little while
But whether because of the flickering fire light or because of the strangeness of the great brass bedstead with its silken hangings and manycolored Indian rezai Erica slept very little that night Perhaps the long talk about her fathers early days had taken too great a hold of her At any rate she tossed about very restlessly in her luxurious quarters and when for brief intervals she slept it was only to dream of her father taking leave of his Scottish home and always he bore that flintlike face that look of strong endurance and repressed passion which Elspeth had described and which in times of trouble and injustice Erica had learned to know so well
CHAPTER XXV Lady Carolines Dinner
The blank of amaze of your haughty gaze
The cold surprise of patrician eyes Lewis Morris
But the paucity of Christians is astonishing considering
the number of them Leigh Hunt
The irritation or at any rate the novelty of the luxury in the FaneSmiths household wore off after Erica had spent a few days at Greyshot She became accustomed to the great rooms and being artistic by nature and the reverse by education she began very much to enjoy the pictures the charming variety of foreign treasures and particularly all the lovely things of Indian workmanship with which the drawing room was crowded The long formal meals she learned to endure The absurdly large retinue of servants ceased to oppress her she used to amuse herself by speculating as to the political views of the menservants while the luxury of a daily drive with her aunt she very much appreciated
But though the mere externals were soon familiar enough she found that every day increased the difficulty she felt in becoming accustomed to the atmosphere of this family She had lived all her life with people who were overwhelmed with work and in a home where recreation was only the rare concession to actual health Here recreation seemed to be the business of life while work for the public was merely tacked on as a sort of ornamental fringe
Mr FaneSmith had indeed a few committee meetings to attend Mrs FaneSmith visited her district once a fortnight and distributed tracts and kind words and soup tickets and blanket tickets besides the most lavish gifts from her own purse Rose to please her mother taught a class of little girls on Sunday afternoon that is to say she did NOT teach them but she sat in a chair and heard them say collects and enforced orderly behavior upon them and read them a good little story book But these were merely rather tiresome duties which came in very often as provoking interruptions to the great business of life namely eating drinking dining out giving dinners or attending the endless succession of athomes dances musical evenings amateur theatricals by which Greyshot people tried to kill time
As to taking any intelligent interest in the political world no one seemed to dream of such a thing except Mr FaneSmith who read the paper at breakfast and hurled anathemas at all the statesmen whom Erica had learned to love and revere It taxed her patience to the utmost to sit through the daily diatribe against Sir Michael Cunningham her hero of heroes But even the violent opposition seemed preferable to the want of interest shown by the others Mrs FaneSmith had time to fritter away at least half an hour after breakfast in the most desultory conversation the most fruitless discussions with Rose as to some detail of dress but she always made the excuse that she had no time to read the papers and amused Erica not a little by asking her husband if anything particular had been happening lately when they were just starting for a dinner party Out of his little rechauffe of the weeks news she probably extracted enough information to enable her to display that wellbred interest that vague and superficial acquaintance with the subject which will pass muster in society and which probably explains alike the very vapid talk and the wildly false accusations which form the staple of ordinary conversation
Rose was even more perplexing She was not only ignorant but she boasted of her ignorance Again and again Erica heard her deprecate the introduction of any public question
Oh dont begin to talk of that she would exclaim I know nothing about it and never mean to know anything
Or there would be an imploring appeal
Why do you waste your time in talking politics when you have never told me a word about soandsos wedding
She occasionally read the Court Circular and was rather fond of one or two of the society papers from which she used to glean choice little paragraphs of personal gossip
Once one of these papers gave Erica an uncomfortable experience The elders of the party being out for the evening Rose and Erica had the drawing room to themselves and Erica was really enjoying the rare novelty of talking with a girl of her own age Rose although the most arrant little flirt was fond too of her girl friends and she really liked Erica and enjoyed the fun of initiating her into all the mysteries and delights of society
How did you get your name she asked suddenly It is so pretty and so uncommon
Oh said Erica without thinking I was called after my fathers friend Eric Haeberlein
Eric Haeberlein exclaimed Rose Why I was reading something about him this afternoon Here it is look And after searching the columns of her favorite society paper she pointed to the following paragraph
It is now known as a positive fact that the notorious Eric Haeberlein was actually in London last week in connection with the disgraceful Kellner business ON DIT that he escaped detection through the instrumentality of one of the fair sex whose audacity outweighed her modesty
Erica could hardly have restrained her indignation had not two real dangers drawn off her attention from her own wounded feelings Her father was there any hateful hint that he was mixed up with Herr Kellner She glanced anxiously down the page No at least that falsehood had not been promulgated She breathed more freely but there was danger still for Rose was watching her and feminine curiosity is hard to baffle
Did you know about it she asked
Erica did not reply for a moment but read on to gain time then she threw down the paper with an exclamation of disgust
How can you read such stuff
Yes but is that the Eric Haeberlein you were named after Did he really come to London and escape
There is only one Eric Haeberlein in the world that I know of said Erica But I think Rose I was wrong and foolish to mention him I cant tell you anything about him and even if I could there is my promise to Aunt Isabel If I am not to talk to you about my father I certainly ought not to talk about his friends
Rose acquiesced and never suspected any mystery She chatted on happily for the rest of the evening brought down a great collection of old ballcards and with a sort of loving recollection described each very minutely just as some old nurses have a way of doing with the funeral cards of their deceased friends This paved the way for a spontaneous confession that she really preferred Mr Torn the curate of St Matthews to Captain Golightly though people were so stupid and would say she was in love with him just because they flirted a little sometimes Rose had already imagined herself in love with at least a dozen people and was quite ready to discuss every one of her flirtations but she was disappointed to find that her cousin was either very reserved on the subject or else had nothing to say
Erica sat listening with a sort of wonder not unmixed with disgust Perhaps she might have shown her disapprobation had she not been thankful to have the conversation diverted from the dangerous topic besides the cruel words were still rankling in her heart and woven in with Roses chatter she heard continually whose audacity outweighed her modesty For the first time she fully understood why her father had so reluctantly consented to her scheme she began to feel the sting which lay beneath the words the veiled hints the implied evil more wounding more damaging than an outspoke lie Now that she understood the ways of society better she saw too that what had seemed to her an unquestionable duty would be regarded as a grave breach of custom and etiquette She began to question herself Had she been right It mattered very little what the writer of a society paper said of her if she had done the really right thing What had she done To save her fathers friend from danger to save her father from unmerited suspicion she had gone out late in the evening with a man considerably over fifty whom she had known from her babyhood He had it is true been in the disguise of a young man She had talked to him on the platform much as she would have talked to Tom and to save his almost certain detection had sprung into the carriage thrown her arms round his neck and kissed him HAD audacity outweighed her modesty Why all the time she had been thanking God for having allowed her to undertake the difficult task for her father on that particular evening She had done it in the sight of God and should she now make herself miserable because the world was wanting in that charity which thinketh no evil No she had been right of that she was certain Nevertheless she understood well enough that society would condemn her action and would with a smile condone Roses most outrageous flirtation
The first week in a new place always seems long and Erica felt as if she had been away from home for months by the time it was over Every one had been very kind to her so far but except when she was playing lawntennis she was somehow far from happy Her happiest moments were really those which she spent in her own room before breakfast writing and the Daily Review owed some very lively articles to the Greyshot visit Beyond a sort of clan feeling for her aunt and a real liking for Rose who in spite of her follies was goodhumored and very lovable she had not yet found one point of union with her new relations Even possible topics of conversation were hard to find They cared nothing for politics they cared nothing for science they were none of them book lovers and it was against their sense of etiquette to speak of anything but the externals of religion Worst of all any allusion to home matters any mention of her father had to be avoided Little was left but the mere gossip of the neighborhood which except as a social study could not interest Erica
Greyshot was an idle place the church seemed asleep a drowsy indifference hung about the richer inhabitants while the honest workers not unnaturally banded themself together against the sleepily respectable churchgoers and secularism and one or two other isms made rapid advances Then sleepy orthodoxy lifted its drowsy head for a minute noted the evil and abused Mr Raeburn and his fellow workers lamenting in manysyllable words the depravity of the working classes and the rapid spread of infidelity But nothing came of the lament it never seemed to strike them that they must act as well as talk that they must renounce their useless wasteful unChristian lives before they had even a right to lift up their voices against secularism which certainly did in some measure meet the needs of the people It never seemed to strike them that THEY were the real promoters of infidelity that they not only dishonored the name of Christ but by their inconsistent lives disgusted people with Christianity and then refused to have anything more to do with them Luke Raeburn if he pulled down with the one hand at any rate tried hard to build up with the other but the people of Greyshot caused in a great degree the ruin and down fall and then exclaimed How shocking and turned their backs thinking to shift their blame on to the secularist leaders
As far as society goes they succeeded in thus shifting the blame the world laid it all on Luke Raeburn he was a most convenient scapegoat and so widely does conventional Christianity differ from the religion founded by Christ it soon became among a certain set almost equivalent to a religious act to promulgate bits of personal scandal about him flavored of course with wordy lamentations as to the views he entertained Thus under the name of defenders of religion conventional Christians managed to appear very proper and orthodox and at the same time to dispose comfortably of all their sense of responsibility There was a meanness about their way of doing it which might have made the very angels weep Happily the judgments of society are not the judgments of God
One of the leaders of society was a certain Lady Caroline Kiteley she was a goodnatured hospitable creature very anxious that every one should enjoy life and a great favorite with all the young people because she made much of them and gave delightful dances The elders too liked her and were not oblivious to the fact that she was the daughter of an earl and the widow of a distinguished general Erica had seen her more than once during her visit and had been introduced to her by Mrs FaneSmith as my niece
Now it happened that Mr And Mrs FaneSmith and Rose were to dine with Lady Caroline the week after Ericas arrival On the very day of the dinner party however Rose was laid up with a bad cold and her mother was obliged to write and make her excuses Late in the afternoon there came in reply one of Lady Carolines impulsive notes
Dear Mrs FaneSmith Scold that silly daughter of yours for catching cold give her my love and tell her that I was counting on her very much Please bring your pretty niece instead Yours sincerely Caroline Kiteley
Mrs FaneSmith was glad and sorry at the same time and very much perplexed Such a peremptory but openhearted invitation could not be declined yet there were dangers in the acceptance If Ericas name should transpire it might be very awkward but she had not broached the suggested change of name to her and every day her courage dwindled every day that resolute mouth frightened her more She was quite aware that Ericas steady courageous honesty would unsparingly condemn all her small weaknesses and little expedients
Erica when told of the invitation was not particularly anxious to go for she and Rose had been planning a cozy evening at home over a new novel upon which their tastes really agreed However Rose assured her that Lady Carolines parties were always delightful and hunted her off to dress at least an hour before there was any necessity Rose was a great authority on dress and when her cousin returned began to study her attire critically
She wore a very simply made dress of mossgreen velveteen high to the throat and relieved by a deep falling collar of old point Elspeth had brought her a spray of white banksia roses but otherwise she wore no ornament Her style was very different from her cousins but Rose could not help approving of it its severity suited Erica
You look lovely she exclaimed Lady Caroline will quite lose her heart to you I think you should have that dress cut low in front though It is a shame not to show such a pretty neck as you must have
Oh no said Erica quickly father cant endure low dresses
One cant always dress to please ones father said Rose For the matter of that I believe papa doesnt like them but I always wear them You see it is more economical one must dress much more expensively if one goes in for high dresses A little display of neck and arms and any old rag will look dressy and fashionable and though I dont care about economy mamma does
You dont have an allowance then
No papa declared I ought to dress on eighty pounds a year but I never could make both ends meet and I got a tiresome long bill at Langdons and that vexed him so now I get what I like and mamma pays
Erica made no comment but was not a little amazed Presently Mrs FaneSmith came in and seemed well pleased with her nieces appearance
You have the old point she exclaimed
Aunt Jean gave it to me said Erica She never would part with it because it was grandmammas at least she did sell it once when father was ill years ago and we were at our wits end for money but she got it back again before the end of the year
Mrs FaneSmith colored deeply partly at the idea of her mothers lace being taken to a pawnbrokers partly to hear that her brother and sister had ever been reduced to such straits She made an excuse to take Erica away to her room and there questioned her more than she had yet done about her home
I thought your father was so strong she said Yet you speak as if he had had several illnesses
He has replied Erica Twice I can remember the time when they thought him dying besides after the riot last year Yes he is strong but you see he has such a hard life It is bad enough now and I doubt if any one knows how fearfully he overworked himself during the year in America The other day I had to look something up in his diary for him and not till then did I find out how terribly he must have taxed his strength On an average he got one nights rest in the week on the others he slept as well as he could in the long cars which are wretchedly uncomfortable the sleeping cars being expensive he wouldnt go in them
Mrs FaneSmith sighed Her brother was becoming more of a living reality to her she thought of him less as a type of wickedness The recollection too that she had been all her life enjoying the money which he and her sister Jean had forfeited by their opinions made her grieve the more over the little details of poverty and privation Old Mr Raeburn had left all his money to her bequeathing to his other daughter and his reprobate son the sum of one shilling with the hope that Heaven would bring them to a better mind It was some comfort to learn from Erica that at last the terrible load of debt had been cleared off and that they were comparatively free from trouble just at present
With these thoughts in her mind Mrs FaneSmith found herself on her way to Lady Carolines but her developing breadth of view was destined to receive a severe shock They were the last guests to arrive and at the very moment of their entrance Lady Caroline was talking in her most vivacious way to Mr Cuthbert a young clergyman the vicar of one of the Greyshot churches
I am going to give you a treat Mr Cuthbert she said laughingly I know you are artistic and so I intend you to take down that charming niece of Mrs FaneSmiths I assure you she is like a BurneJones angel
Mr Cuthbert smiled a quietly superior smile and coolly surveyed Erica as she came in Dinner was announced almost immediately and it was not until Mrs FaneSmith had been taken down that Lady Caroline brought Mr Cuthbert to Ericas side to introduce him Why your aunt has never told me your name she said smiling
My name is Erica Raeburn said Erica quite unconscious that this was a revelation to every one and that her aunt had purposely spoken of her everywhere as my niece
Lady Caroline gave a scarcely perceptible start of surprise and there was a curious touch of doubt and constraint in her voice as she pronounced the Mr Cuthbert Miss Raeburn Undoubtedly that name sounded rather strangely in her drawing room and awoke uncomfortable suggestions
Raeburn Erica Raeburn thought Mr Cuthbert to himself Uncommon name in England Connection I wonder Aunt hadnt given her name That looks odd Ill see if she has a Scotch accent
Are you staying in Greyshot he asked as they went down the broad staircase with its double border of flowering plants
Yes said Erica I came last week What lovely country it is about here
Country with its thrilled r betrayed her nationality though her accent was of the slightest Mr Cuthbert chuckled to himself for he thought he had caught Mrs FaneSmith tripping and he was a man who derived an immense amount of pleasure from making other people uncomfortable As a child he had been a tease as a big boy he had been a bully as a man he had become a malicious gossip monger Tonight he thought he saw a chance of good sport and directly he had said grace in the momentary pause which usually follows he turned to Erica with an abrupt though outwardly courteous question carried off with a little laugh
I hope you are no relation to that despicable infidel who bears your name Miss Raeburn
Ericas color deepened she almost annihilated him with a flash from her bright indignant eyes
I am Luke Raeburns daughter she said in her clearest voice and with a dignity which for the time spoiled Mr Cuthberts enjoyment
Many people had heard the vicars question during the pause and not a few listened curiously for the answer which though quietly spoken reached many ears for nothing gives so much penetrating power to words as concentrated will and keen indignation Before long every one in the room knew that Mrs FaneSmiths pretty niece was actually the daughter of that evil and notorious Raeburn
Mr Cuthbert had certainly got his malicious wish he had succeeded in making Mrs FaneSmith miserable in making his hostess furious in putting his little neighbor into the most uncomfortable of positions Of course he was not going to demean himself by talking to that atheists daughter He enjoyed the general discomfiture to his hearts content and then devoted himself to the lady on his other side
As for Erica her blood was up Forced to sit still forced even to eat at a table where she was an unwelcome guest her anger got the mastery of her for the time She was indignant at the insult to her father indignant too that her aunt had ever allowed her to get into such a false position The very constraint she was forced to put upon herself made her wrath all the deeper She was no angel yet though Mr BurneJones might have taken her for a model She was a quicktempered little piece of humanity her passions burned with Highland intensity her sense of indignation was strong and keen and the atmosphere of her home the hard struggle against intolerable bigotry and malicious persecution had from her very babyhood tended to increase this She had inherited all her fathers passion for justice and much of his excessive pride while her delicate physical frame made her far more sensitive Moreover though since that June morning in the museum she had gained a peace and happiness of which in the old days she had never dreamed yet the entire change had in many ways increased the difficulties of her life Such a wrench such an upheaval as it had involved could not but tell upon her immensely And besides she had in every way for the last three months been living at high pressure
The grief the disapproval the contemptuous pity of her secularist friends had taxed her strength to the utmost but she had stood firm and had indeed been living on the heights
Now the months of Charles Osmonds careful preparation were over her baptism was over and a little weary and overdone with all that she had lived through that summer she had come down to Greyshot expecting rest and behold fresh vexations had awaited her
A nice Christian world A nice type of a clergyman she thought to herself as bitterly as in the old days and with a touch of sorrow added The old lines from Hiawatha which had been so often on her lips now rang in her head
For his heart was hot within him Like a living coal his heart was
She longed to get up and go but that would have put her aunt in a yet more painful position and might have annoyed Lady Caroline even more than her presence She would have given anything to have fainted after the convenient fashion of the heroines of romance but never had she felt so completely strung up so conscious of intense vitality There was nothing for it but endurance And for two mortal hours she had to sit and endure Mr Cuthbert never spoke to her her neighbor on the other side glanced at her furtively from time to time but preserved a stony silence there was an uncomfortable cloud on her hostesss brow while her aunt whom she could see at some distance on the other side of the table looked very white and wretched
It is wonderful how rude people can be even in good society and the looks of blank amaze cold surprise and cool curiosity which Erica received would hardly be credited A greater purgatory to a sensitive girl whose pride was by no means conquered can hardly be conceived
She choked down a little food unable to reject everything but her throat almost refused to swallow it The glare of the lights the oppressive atmosphere the babel of tongues seemed to beat upon her brain and a sick longing for home almost overmastered her Oh to get away from these socalled Christians with their cruel judgments their luxuries their gayeties these hard rich bigots who yet belonged to the body she had just joined with who in the eyes of her old friends she should be identified Oh for the dear old booklined study at home For one moment with her father One word from a being who loved and trusted her Tears started to her eyes but the recollection that even home was no longer a place of refuge checked them There would be Aunt Jeans wearing remonstrances and sarcastic remarks there would be Mr Mastermans patronizing contempt and Toms studious avoidance of the matters she had most at heart Was it worse to be treated as a wellmeaning idiot or as an outcast and semiheretic Never till now had she so thoroughly realized her isolation and she felt so bruised and buffeted and weary that the realization at that particular time was doubly trying
Isolation is perhaps the greatest of all trials to a sensitive and warmhearted nature and nothing but the truest and deepest love for the whole race can possibly keep an isolated person from growing bitter Erica knew this had known it ever since Brian had brought her the message from her mother It is only love that can keep from bitterness All through these years she had been struggling hard and though there had been constant temptations though the harshness of the bigoted the insults offered to her father in the name of religion the countless slights and slanders had tried her to the utmost she had still struggled upward and in spite of all had grown in love But now for the first time she found herself completely isolated The injustice the hardness of it proved too much for her She forgot that those who would be peacemakers reconcilers must be content to receive the treatment which the Prince of Peace received she forgot that these rich contemptuous people were her brothers and sisters and that their hard judgment did not and could not alter their relationship she forgot all in a burning indignation in an angry revolt against the injustice of the world
She would study these people she would note all their little weaknesses and foibles Mr Bircham had given her carte blanche for these three weeks she would write him a deliciously sarcastic article on modern society The idea fixed her imagination she laughed to herself at the thought for however sad the fact it is nevertheless true that to ordinary mortals revenge is sweet Had she given herself time to think out matters calmly she would have seen that boh Christianity and the rules of art were opposed to her idea It is true that Michael Angelo and other painters used to revenge themselves on the cardinals or enemies they most hated by painting them in the guise of devils but both they and their art suffered by such a concession to an animal passion And Erica fell grievously that evening This is one of the evils of social ostracism It is unjust unnatural and selfish To preserve what it considers the dignity of society it drives human beings into an unnatural position it fosters the very evils which it denounces And society is grossly unfair A word a breath a false libel in a newspaper is quite sufficient It will never trouble itself to inquire minutely into the truth but will pronounce its hasty judgment and then ostracize
Erica began to listen attentively to the conversation and it must be owned that it was not very edifying Then she studied the faces and manners of her companions and being almost in the middle of the table she had a pretty good view Every creature she studied maliciously keenly sarcastically until she came to the end of the table and there a most beautiful face brought her back to herself for a minute with a sort of shock Where had she seen it before A strong manly face of the Roman type cleanshaven save for a very slight mustache which did not conceal the firm yet sensitive mouth dark eyes which even as she wondered met hers fully for an instant and gave her a strange feeling of protection She knew that at least one person in the room did not shudder at the idea of sitting at table with Luke Raeburns daughter
Better thoughts returned to her she grew a little ashamed of her malice and began to wonder who that ideal man could be Apparently he was one of the distinguished guests for he had taken down Lady Caroline herself Erica was just too far off to hear what he said and in another moment she was suddenly recalled to Mr Cuthbert He was talking to the old gentleman on her left hand who had been silently surveying her at intervals as though he fancied she could not be quite human
Have you been following this Kellner trial asked Mr Cuthbert Disgraceful affair isnt it
Then followed references to Eric Haeberlein and veiled hints about his London friends and associates more dangerous to the country than say foreigners traitors heady highminded etc etc Such evildoers always managed to keep within the letter of the law but for his part he thought they deserved to be shut up more than most of those who get penal servitude for life
Ericas wrath blazed up again Of course the veiled hints were intended to refer to her father and the cruelty and insolence of the speaker who knew that she understood his allusions scattered all her better thoughts It required a strong effort of will to keep her anger and distress from becoming plainly visible Her unwillingness to give Mr Cuthbert such a gratification could not have strengthened her sufficiently but love and loyalty to her father and Eric Haeberlein had carried her through worse ordeals than this
She showed no trace of embarrassment but moved a very little further back in her chair implying by a sort of quiet dignity of manner that she thought Mr Cuthbert exceedingly illmannered to talk across her
Feeling that his malicious endeavor had entirely failed and stung by her dignified disapproval Mr Cuthbert struck out vindictively Breaking the silence he had maintained toward her he suddenly flashed round upon her with a question
I suppose you are intimately acquainted with Eric Haeberlein
He tried to make his tone casual and seemingly courteous but failed
What makes you suppose that asked Erica in a cool quiet voice
Her perfect selfcontrol and her exceedingly embarrassing counterquestion quite took him aback At that very minute too there was the pause and the slight movement and the glance from Lady Caroline which reminded him that he was the only clergyman present and had to return thanks He bent forward and went through the usual form of For what we have received though all the time he was thinking of the countercheck quarrelsome he had received from his nextdoor neighbor When he raised his head again he found her awaiting his answer her clear steady eyes quietly fixed on his face with a look which was at once sad indignant and questioning
His question had been an insulting one He had meant it to prick and sting but it is one thing to be indirectly rude and another to give the lie direct Her quiet return question her dignity made it impossible for him to insult her openly He was at her mercy He colored a little stammered something incoherent about thinking it possible
You are perfectly right replied Erica still speaking in her quietly dignified voice I have known Herr Haeberlein since I was a baby so you will understand that it is quite impossible for me to speak with you about him after hearing the opinions you expressed just now
For once in his life Mr Cuthbert felt ashamed of himself He did not feel comfortable all through dessert and gave a sigh of relief when the ladies left the room
As for Ericas other neighbor he could not help reflecting that Luke Raeburns daughter had had the best of it in the encounter And he wondered a little that a man whom he had known to do many a kindly action should so completely have forgotten the rules of ordinary courtesy
CHAPTER XXVI A Friend
Then my friend we must not regard what the many say of us
but what he the one man who has understanding of just and
unjust will say and what the truth will say And
therefore you begin in error when you suggest that we should
regard the opinion of the many about just and unjust good
and evil honorable and dishonorable—Plato
In the drawing room Erica found the ostracism even more complete and more embarrassing Lady Caroline who was evidently much annoyed took not the slightest notice of her but was careful to monopolize the one friendly looking person in the room a young married lady in paleblue silk The other ladies separated into groups of two and threes and ignored her existence Lady Carolines little girl a child of twelve was well bred enough to come toward her with some shy remark but her mother called her to the other side of the room quite sharply and made some excuse to keep her there as if contact with Luke Raeburns daughter would have polluted her
A weary half hour passed Then the door opened and the gentlemen filed in Erica half angry half tired and wholly miserable was revolving in her brain some stinging sentences for her article when the beautiful face again checked her Her Roman as she called him had come in and was looking round the room apparently searching for some one At last their eyes met and with a look which said as plainly as words Oh there you are It was you I wanted he came straight towards her
You must forgive me Miss Raeburn for dispensing with an introduction he said but I hardly think we shall need any except the name of our mutual fried Charles Osmond
Ericas heart gave a bound The familiar name the consciousness that her wretched loneliness was at an end and above all the instantaneous perception of the speakers nobility and breadth of mind scattered for the time all her resentful thoughts made her again her best self
Then you must be Donovan she exclaimed with the quaint and winsome frankness which was one of her greatest charms I knew I was sure you were not like other people
He took her hand in his and no longer wondered at Brians seven years hopeless waiting But Erica began to realize that her exclamation had been appallingly unconventional and the beautiful color deepened in her cheeks
I beg your pardon she said remembering with horror that he was not only a stranger but an MP I I dont know what made me say that but they have always spoken of you by your Christian name and you have so long been Donovan in my mind that somehow it slipped out you didnt feel like a stranger
I am glad of that he said his dark and strangely powerful eyes looking right into hers Something in that look made her feel positively akin to him Like a stranger Of course he had not felt like one Never could be like anything but a friend You see he continued we have known of each other for years and we know that we have one great bond of union which others have not Dont retract the Donovan I like it Let it be the outward sign of the real and unusual likeness in the fight we have fought
She still half hesitated He was a man of fiveandthirty and she could not get over the feeling that her impulsive exclamation had been presumptuous He saw her uncertainty and perhaps liked her the better for it though the delicious naturalness the childlike recognition of a real though scarcely known friend had delighted him
We are a little more brother and sister than the rest of the world he said with the chivalrous manner which seemed to belong naturally to his peculiarly noble face And if I were to confess that I had not always thought of you as Miss Raeburn—
He paused and Erica laughed It was absurd to stand on ceremony with this kindred spirit
Have you seen the conservatory he asked Shall we come in there I want to hear all about the Osmonds
The relief of speaking with one who knew and loved Charles Osmond and did not for want of real knowledge brand him with the names of half a dozen heresies was very great It was not for some time that Erica even glanced at the lovely surroundings though she had inherited Raeburns great love of flowers At last however an exquisite white flower attracted her notice and she broke off in the middle of a sentence
Oh how lovely I never saw anything like that before What is it
It is the EUCHARIS AMAZONICA replied her companion About the most exquisite flower in the world I should think the dove flower as my little ones call it Ir you look at it from a distance the stamens really look like doves bending down to drink
It is perfect How I wish my father could see it
We have a fairly good one at Oakdene though not equal to this We must persuade you and Mr Raeburn to come and stay with us some day
The tears came into Ericas eyes so great was the contrast between his friendliness and the chilling discourtesy she had met with from others that evening
You are very good she said If you only knew how hard it is to be treated as if one were a sort of semicriminal
I do know he said It was this very society which goaded me into a sort of wild rebellion years ago I deserved its bad opinion in a measure and you do not but it was unfair enough to make one pretty desperate
If they were actual saints one might endure it cried Erica But to have such a man as my father condemned just as hearsay by people who are living lazy wasteful lives is really too much I came to Greyshot expecting at least unity at least peace in a Christian atmosphere and THIS is what I get
Donovan listened in silence a great sadness in his eyes There was a pause then Erica continued You think I speak hotly I cannot help it I think I do not much mind what they do to me but it is the injustice of the thing that makes one wild and worst of all the knowing that this is what drives people into atheism this is what dishonors the name of Christ
You are right he replied with a sigh that IS the worst of it I have come to the conclusion that to be tolerant to the intolerant is the most difficult thing in life
You must have plenty of practice in this dreadful place said Erica
He smiled a little
Why to be seen talking to ME will make people say all sorts of evil of you she added I wish I had thought of that before
You wouldnt have spoken to me asked Donovan laughing Then I am very glad it didnt occur to you But about that you may be quite easy nothing could make them think much worse of me than they do already I began life as the black sheep of the neighborhood and it is easier for the Ethiopian to change his skin than for a man to live down the past in public opinion I shall be at any rate the dusky gray sheep of the place to the end of my life
There was no bitterness no shade of complaint in his tone he merely stated a fact Erica was amazed she knew that he was about the only man who attempted to grapple with the evil and degradation and poverty of Greyshot
You see he continued with a bright look which seemed to raise Erica into purer atmosphere it is not the public estimation which makes a mans character There is one question which I think we ought never to ask ourselves and that is What will people think of me It should be instead How can I serve
But if they take away your power how can you serve
They cant take it away they may check and hinder for a time that is all I believe one may serve always and everywhere
You dont mean that I can serve that roomful of enemies in there
That is exactly what I do mean he answered smiling a little
In the meantime Lady Caroline was apologizing to Mr Cuthbert
I dont know when I have been so vexed she exclaimed It is really too bad of Mrs FaneSmith I had no idea that the BurneJones angel I promised you was the daughter of that disgraceful man What a horrible satire is it not
Pray dont apologize said Mr Cuthbert It was really rather amusing than otherwise and I fancy the young lady will be in no great hurry to force her way into society again
He laughed a soft malicious chuckling laugh
I should hope not indeed said Lady Caroline indignantly Where has she disappeared to
Need you ask said Mr Cuthbert smiling Our revered member secured her at once and has been talking to her in the conservatory for at least half an hour hatching radical plots I dare say and vowing vengeance on all aristocrats
Really it is too shocking said Lady Caroline Mr Farrant has no sense of what is fitting it is a trait which I have always noticed in Radicals He ought at least to have some respect for his position
Birds of a feather flock together suggested Mr Cuthbert with his malicious smile
Well I dont often defend Mr Farrant said Lady Caroline But he comes of a good old family and though a Radical he is at least respectable
Lady Caroline knew absolutely nothing about Erica but uttered the last sentence with its vague farreaching and most damaging hint without even a pricking of conscience
You will try to rescue the MP asked Mr Cuthbert
For the sake of his position yes said Lady Caroline entering the conservatory
Oh Mr Farrant she said with her most gracious smile I came to see whether you couldnt induce your wife to sing to us Now is it true that she has given up her music I assure you she and I have been battling the point ever since you came up Cant you persuade her to give us just one song I am really in despair for some music
I am afraid my wife is quite out of voice said Donovan Are there no other musical people
Not one It is really most astonishing I was counting on Miss FaneSmith but she has disappointed me and there is not another creature who will play or sing a note Greyshot is a terrible unmusical place
You do not belong to Greyshot so perhaps you may be able to come to the rescue said Donovan to Erica Scotch people can at any rate always play or sing their own national airs as no one else can
Lady Caroline did not really in the least care whether there were music or not but she had expressed herself very strongly and that tiresome Mr Farrant had taken her at her word and was trying to beat up recruits recruits that she did not want He had now whether intentionally or not put her in such a position that unless she were positively rude she must ask Erica to play or sing
Have you brought any music Miss Raeburn she asked turning to Erica with a chilling look as though she had just become aware of her presence
I have none to bring said Erica I do not profess to sing I only sing our own Scotch airs
Exactly what I said exclaimed Donovan And Scotch singing of Scotch airs is like nothing else in the world
Whether he mesmerized them both or whether his stronger will and higher purpose prevailed it would be hard to say Certainly Erica was quite as unwilling to sing as Lady Caroline was to favor her with a request Both had to yield however and Erica whether she would or not had to serve her roomful of enemies and a great deal of good it did her
Out of the quiet conservatory they came into the heat and glare and babel of voices Lady Caroline feeling as if she had been caught in her own trap Erica wavering between resentful defiance and the desire to substitute Donovans How can I serve for What do they think
She sat down to the piano which was in a faraway corner and soon she had forgotten her audience altogether Although she had had little time or opportunity for a thorough musical education she had great taste and was musical by nature she sang her national airs as very few could have sung them and so wild and pathetic was the air she had chosen The Flowers of the Forest that the roar of conversation at once ceased She knew nothing whatever about the listeners the air had taken her back to her fathers recovery at Codrington the year before She was singing to him once more
The old gentleman who had sat on her right hand at dinner came up now with his first remark
Thank you that was a real treat and a very rare treat I wonder whether you would sing an old favorite of mine Oh why did ye gang lassie
Erica at once complied and there was such pathos in her low clear voice that tears stood in the eyes of more than one listener She had never dared to sing that song at home since one evening some weeks before when her father had just walked out of the room unable to bear the mournful refrain I never never thought ye wad leave me The song was closely associated with the story of that summer and she sang it to perfection
Donovan Farrant came toward her again at the close
I want to introduce my wife to you he said
And Erica found that the young married lady in the paleblue silk whom she had singled out as the one approachable lady in the room was Mrs Farrant She was very bright and sunshiny and talkative Erica liked her and would have liked her still better had not the last week shown her so much of the unreality and insincerity of society that she half doubted whether any one she met in Greyshot could be quite true Mrs Farrants manner was charming but charming manners had often turned out to be exceedingly artificial and Erica who was in rather a hard mood would not let herself be won over but held her judgment in suspension responding brightly enough to her companions talk but keeping the best part of herself in reserve
At length the evening ended and the guests gradually dispersed Mr Cuthbert walked across the road to his vicarage still chuckling to himself as he thought of the general discomfiture caused by his question The musical old gentleman returned to his home revolving a startling new idea after all might not the Raeburns and such people be very much like the rest of the world Were they not probably as susceptible to pain and pleasure to comfort and discomfort to rudeness and civility He regretted very much that he had not broken the miserably uncomfortable silence at dinner
Donovan Farrant and his wife were already far from Greyshot driving along the quiet country road to Oakdene Manor
A lovely girl Mrs Farrant was saying I should like to know her better Tonight I had the feeling somehow that she was purposely keeping on the surface of things one came every now and then to a sort of wall a kind of hard reserve
Who can wonder exclaimed Donovan I am afraid Gladys the old proverb will have a very fair chance of being fulfilled That child has come out seeking wool and as likely as not shell go home shorn
Society can be very cruel signed Gladys I did so long to get to her after dinner but Lady Caroline kept me I do believe purposely
Lady Caroline and Mr Cuthbert will little dream of the harm they have done said Donovan I think I understand as I never understood before the burning indignation of that rebuke to the Pharisees Full well ye reject the commandment of god that ye may keep your own traditions
In the meantime there was dead silence in the FaneSmiths carriage an ominous silence There was an unmistakable cloud on Mr FaneSmiths face he had been exceedingly annoyed at what had taken place and with native perversity attributed it all to Erica His wife was miserable She felt that her intended kindness had proved a complete failure she was afraid of her husbands clouded brow still more afraid of her nieces firmly closed mouth most afraid of all at the thought of Lady Carolines displeasure Nervous and overwrought anxious to conciliate all parties and afraid of making matters worse she timidly went into Ericas room and after beating about the bush for a minute or two plunged rashly into the sore subject
I am so sorry dear about tonight she said I wish it could have been prevented
Erica standing up straight and tall in her velveteen dress with a white shawl half thrown back from her shoulders looked to her aunt terribly dignified and uncompromising
I cant say that I thought them courteous she replied
It was altogether unfortunate said Mrs FaneSmith hurriedly I hoped your name would not transpire I ought to have suggested the change to you before but—
What change asked Erica her forehead contracting a little
We thought we hoped that perhaps if you adopted our name it might prevent unpleasantness Such things are done you know and then too we might make some arrangement about your grandfathers money a part of which I feel is now yours by right Even now the change would show people the truth would save many disagreeables
During this speech Ericas face had been a study an angry glow of color rushed to her cheeks her eyes flashed dangerously She was a young girl but there was a good deal of the lion about her at that minute and her aunt trembled listening perforce to the indignant outburst
What truth would it show she cried I dont believe there is such a thing as truth among all these wretched shams I will never change my name to escape from prejudice and bigotry or to win a share in my grandfathers property What Give up my fathers name to gain the money which might have kept him from pain and ruin and semistarvation Take the money that might have brought comfort to my mother that might have kept me with her to the end I couldnt take it I would rather die than touch one penny of it It is too late now If you thought I would consent if that is the reason you asked me here I can go at once I would not willingly have brought shame upon you but neither will I dishonor myself nor insult my father by changing my name Why to do so would be to proclaim that I judged him as those Pharisees did tonight The hypocrites Which of them can show one grain of love for the race to set against my fathers life of absolute devotion They sit over their champagne and slander atheists and then have the face to call themselves Christians
My dear said Mrs FaneSmith nervously Our only wish is to do what is best for you but you are too tired and excited to discuss this now I will wish you good night
I never wish to discuss it again thank you said Erica submitting to a particularly warm embrace
Mrs FaneSmith was right in one way Erica was intensely excited When people have been riding roughshod over ones heart one is apt to be excited and Luke Raeburns daughter had inherited that burning sense of indignation which was so strongly marked a characteristic in Raeburn himself Violins can be more sweet and delicate in tone than any other instrument but they can also wail with greater pathos and produce a more fearful storm of passion
Declining any assistance from Gemma Erica locked her door caught up some sheets of foolscap snatched up her pen and began to write rapidly She knew well enough that she ought not to have written But when the heart is hot with indignation when the brain produces scathing sentences when the subject seems to have taken possession of the whole being to deny its utterance is quite the hardest thing in the world
Erica struggled to resist but at length yielded and out rushed sarcasms denunciations return blows innumerable The relief was great However her enjoyment was but short for by the time her article was rolled up for the post stamped and directed her physical powers gave way such blank exhaustion ensuing that all she could do was to drag herself across the room throw herself half dressed on the bed draw the rezai over her and yield to the heavy overpowering slumber of great weariness
It seemed to her that she slept about five minutes and was then roused by a knocking at her door She started up and found that it was morning Then she recollected bolting her door and sprung out of bed to undo it but was reminded at once that she had a spine She had quite recovered from the effects of her illness but overfatigue always brought back the old pain and warned her that she must be more careful in the future The house maid seemed a little surprised not to find her up and dressed as usual for Erica generally got through an hours writing before the nine oclock breakfast
Are you ill miss she asked glancing at the face which seemed almost as colorless as the pillow
Only very tired thank you said Erica glad enough today of the cup of tea and the thin bread and butter which before had seemed to her such an absurd luxury
Letters for the early post miss I suppose said the house maid taking up the fiery effusion
Please replied Erica not turning her head and far too weary to give a thought to her last nights work All she could think of just then was the usual waking reflection of a sufferer How in the world shall I get through the day
The recollection however of her parting conversation with her aunt made her determined to be down to breakfast Her absence might be misconstrued And though feeling illprepared for remonstrance or argument she was in her place when the gong sounded for prayers looking white and weary indeed but with a curve of resoluteness about her mouth Nobody found out how tired she was Mr FaneSmith was as blind as a bat and Mrs FaneSmith was too lowspirited and too much absorbed with her own cares to notice The events of last night looked more and more disagreeable and she was burdened with thoughts of what people would say moreover Roses cold was much worse and as her mother was miserable if even her little finger ached she was greatly disturbed and persuaded herself that her child was really in a most dangerous state
Breakfast proved a very silent meal that morning quite oppressively silent Erica felt like a child in disgrace Every now and then the grimness of it appealed to her sense of the ludicrous and she felt inclined to scream or do something desperate just to see what would happen At length the dreary repast came to an end and she had just taken up a newspaper with a sort of gasp of relief at the thought of escaping for a moment into a larger world when she was recalled to the narrow circle of Greyshot by a word from Mr FaneSmith
I wish to have a talk with you my dear will you come to the library at ten oclock
An interview by appointment That sounded formidable When the time came Erica went rather apprehensively to the library fearing that she was in for an argument and wishing that Mr FaneSmith had chosen a day on which she felt a little more up to things
He received her very kindly and drew an easy chair up to the fire for her no doubt doing as he would be done by for he was a chilly Indian mortal Erica had never been into the library before It was a delightful room furnished with old carved oak and carpeted with soft Indian rugs Though dignified by the name of library it was not nearly so crowded with books as the little study at home all the volumes were beautifully bound in muchbegilt calf or morocco but they had not the used loved look of her fathers books On the mantel piece there were some models of Indian idols exquisitely carved in soft greenishgray soapstone and behind these as if in protest lurked the only unornamental thing in the room a very ordinary missionary box covered with orangecolored paper and impressively black negroes
I am sure my dear said Mr FaneSmith that after what occurred last night you will see the desirability of thinking seriously about your plans for the future I have been intending to speak to you but waited until we had learned to know each other a little However I regret now that I delayed It is naturally far from desirable that you should remain an inmate of your fathers house and my wife and I should be very glad if you would make your home with us Of course when it was fully understood in Greyshot that you had utterly renounced your father and your former friends such unpleasantness as you encountered last night would not again occur indeed I fancy you would become exceedingly popular It would perhaps have been wiser if you would have taken our name but your aunt tells me you object to that
Yes said Erica who was writhing with anger and relieved herself by the slight sarcasm I do object to be Miss FeignFaneSmith
Well that must be as you please he resumed but I really think if you will accept our offer it will be for your ultimate good
He proceeded to enumerate all the benefits which would accrue to her then paused
Erica was silent for a minute When she spoke it was in the low voice of one who is struggling to restrain passion
I am sure you mean this very kindly she said I have tried to listen to your offer patiently though of course the moment you began I knew that I must entirely emphatically decline it I will NEVER leave my father
The last words were spoken with a sort of halfrestrained outburst as if the pentup passion must find some outlet
Mr FaneSmith was startled He so seldom thought of Luke Raeburn as a fellowbeing at all that perhaps it had never occurred to him that the love of parent to child and child to parent is quite independent of creed
But my dear he said you have been baptized
I have
You promised to renounce the devil and all his works
I did
Then how can you hesitate to renounce everything connected with your former life
Do you mean to imply that my father is the devil or one of his works
Mr FaneSmith was silent Erica continued
Gods Fatherhood does not depend on our knowledge of it or acceptance of it it is a fact a truth How then can any one dare to say that such a man as my farther is a work of the devil I thought the sin of sins was to attribute to the devil what belongs to God
You are in a very peculiar position said Mr FaneSmith uneasily And I have no doubt it is difficult for you to see things as they really are But I who can look at the matter dispassionately can see that your remaining in your old home would be most dangerous and not only that but most painful To live in a house where you hear all that you most reverence evil spoken of why the pain would be unspeakable
I know that said Erica in a low voice I have found that I admit that it is and always will be harder to bear than any one can conceive who has not tried But to shirk pain is not to follow Christ As to danger if you will forgive my saying so I should find a luxurious life in a place like Greyshot infinitely more trying
Then could you not take up nursing Or go into some sisterhood Nothing extreme you know but just a working sisterhood
Erica smiled and shook her head
Why should I try to make another vocation when God has already given me one
But my dear consider the benefit to your own soul
A very secondary consideration exclaimed Erica impetuously
I should have thought continued Mr FaneSmith that under such strange circumstances you would have seen how necessary it was to forsake all Think of St Matthew for instance he rose up at once forsook all and followed Him
Yes said Erica And what was the very first thing he was impelled to do by way of following Why to make a great feast and have in all his old friends all the despised publicans
My dear Erica said Mr FaneSmith feeling his theological arguments worsted we must discuss this matter on practical grounds In plain words your father is a very bad man and you ought to have nothing more to do with him
Ericas lips turned white with anger but she answered calmly
That is a very great accusation How do you know it is true
I know it well enough said Mr FaneSmith Why every one in England knows it
If you accept mere hearsay evidence you may believe anything of any one Have you ever read any of my fathers books
No
Or heard him lecture
No indeed I would not hear him on any account
Have you ever spoken with any of his intimate friends
Mr Raeburns acquaintances are not likely to mix with any one I should know
Then cried Erica how can you know anything whatever about him And how how DARE you say to me his child that he is a wicked man
It is a matter of common notoriety
No said Erica there you are wrong It is notorious that my father teaches conscientiously teaches much that we regard as error but people who openly accuse him of evil living find to their cost in the law courts that they have foully libeled him
She flushed even now at the thought of some of the hateful and wicked accusations of the past Then after a moments pause she continued more warmly
It is you people in society who get hold of some misquoted story some ridiculous libel long ago crushed at the cost of the libeler it is you who do untold mischief Only last summer I remember seeing in a paper the truest sentence that was ever written of my father and it was this Probably no one man has ever had to endure such gross personal insults such widespread hostility such perpetual calumny Why are you to judge him Even if you had a special call to it how could you justly judge him when you will not hear him or know him or fairly study his writings or question his friends How can you know anything whatever about him Why if he judged you and your party as you judge him you would be furious
My dear you speak with so much warmth if you would only discuss things calmly said Mr FaneSmith Remember what George Herbert says Calmness is a great advantage You bring too much feeling to the discussion
How can I help feeling when you are slandering my father exclaimed Erica I have tried to be calm but there are limits to endurance Would you like Rose to sit silently while my father told her without any ground that you were a wicked man
When matters were reversed in this crude way Mr FaneSmith winced a little
The cases are different he suggested
Do you think atheists dont love their children as much as Christians cried Erica half choked with indignant anger A vision of the past of her dead mother of her fathers neverfailing tenderness brought a cloud of tears to her eyes She brushed them away The cases are different as you say but does a man care less for his home when outside it he is badgered and insulted or does he care infinitely more Does a man care less for his child because to get her food he has had to go short himself or does he care more I think the man who has had to toil with all his might for his family loves it better than the rich man can You say I speak with too much warmth too much feeling My complaint is the other way I cant find words strong enough to give you any idea of what my father has always been to me To leave him would be to wrong my conscience and to forsake my duty and to distrust God I will NEVER leave him
With that she got up and left the room and Mr FaneSmith leaned back in his chair with a sigh his eyes fixed absently upon a portrait of Napoleon above his mantel piece his mind more completely shaken out of its ordinary grooves than it had been for years He was a narrowminded man but he was honest He saw that he had judged Raeburn very unfairly But perhaps what occupied his thoughts the most was the question Would Rose have been able to say of him all that Erica had said of her father He sighed many times but after awhile slid back into the old habits of thought
Erica is a brave noble little thing he said to himself but far from orthodox far from orthodox Socinian tendencies
CHAPTER XXVII At Oak Dene Manor
Ah To how many faith has been
No evidence of things unseen
But a dim shadow that recasts the creed of the Phantasiasts
For others a diviner creed
Is living in the life they lead
The passing of their beautiful feet
Blesses the pavement of the street
And all their looks and words repeat
Old Fullers saying wise and sweet
Not as a vulture but a dove
The Holy Ghost came from above
Tales of a Wayside Inn Longfellow
During the interview Erica had braced herself up to endure but when it was over her strength all at once evaporated She dragged herself upstairs somehow and had just reached her room when Mrs FaneSmith met her She was preoccupied with her own anxieties or Ericas exhaustion could not have escaped her notice
I am really quite unhappy about Rose she exclaimed We must send for Doctor L—— Her cough seems so much worse I fear it will turn to bronchitis Are you learned in such things
I helped to nurse Tom through a bad attack once said Erica
Oh Then come and see her said Mrs FaneSmith
Erica went without a word She would not have liked Mrs FaneSmiths fussing but yet the sight of her care for Rose made her feel more achingly conscious of the blank in her own life that blank which nothing could ever fill She wanted her own mother so terribly and just now Mrs FaneSmith had touched the old wound roughly
Rose seemed remarkably cheerful and not nearly so much invalided as her mother thought
Mamma always thinks I am going to die if Im at all out of sorts she remarked when Mrs FaneSmith had left the room to write to the doctor I believe you want doctoring much more than I do What is the matter You are as white as a sheet
I am tired and rather worried and my back is troublesome said Erica
Then youll just lie down on my sofa said Rose peremptorily If you dont I shall get out of bed and make you
Erica did not require much compulsion for every inch of her seemed to have a separate ache and she was still all quivering and tingling with the indignant anger stirred up by her interview with Mr FaneSmith She let Rose chatter away and tried hard to school herself into calmness By and by her efforts were rewarded she not only grew calm but fell asleep and slept like any baby till the gong sounded for luncheon
Luncheon proved a very silent meal it was if possible more trying that breakfast had been Mrs FaneSmith had heard all about the interview from her husband and they were both perplexed and disturbed Erica felt uncertain of her footing with them and could only wait for them to make the first move But the grim silence tickled her fancy
Really she thought to herself we might be so many horses munching away at mangers for all we have said to each other
But in spite of it she did not feel inclined to make conversation
Later on she went for a drive with her aunt the air revived her and she began to feel more like herself again They went out into the country but on the way home Mrs FaneSmith stopped at one of the shops in High Street leaving Erica in the carriage She was leaning back restfully watching a beautiful chestnut horse which was being held by a ragged boy at the door of the bank just opposite when her attention was suddenly aroused by an ominous howling and barking The chestnut horse began to kick and the boy had as much as he could to hold him Starting forward Erica saw that a fox terrier had been set upon by another and larger dog and that the two were having a desperate fight The fox terrier was evidently fighting against fearful odds for he was an old dog and not nearly so strong as his antagonist the howls and barks grew worse and worse some of the passengers ran off in a fright others watched from a safe distance but not one interfered
Now Erica was a great lover of animals and a passionate lover of justice Furious to see men and boys looking on without attempting to stop the mischief she sprang out of the carriage and rushing up to the combatants belabored the big dog with her parasol It had a strong stick but she hit so vehemently that it splintered all to bits and still the dog would not leave its victim Then in her desperation she hit on the right remedy with great difficulty she managed to grasp him by the throat and using all her force so nearly suffocated him that he was obliged to loosen his hold At that moment too a strong man rushed forward and dealt him such a blow that he bounded off with a yell of pain and ran howling down the street Erica bent over the fox terrier then the big dog had mangled it frightfully it was covered with blood and moaned piteously
Waif My poor waif exclaimed a voice which she seemed to know Has that brute killed you
She looked up and saw Donovan Farrant he recognized her but they were both too much absorbed in the poor dogs condition to think of any ordinary greeting
Where will you take him asked Erica
Donovan stooped down to examine poor Waifs injuries
I fear there is little to be done he said But we might take him across to the chemists opposite Will you hold my whip for me
She took it and with infinite skill and tenderness Donovan lifted the fox terrier while Erica hurried on in front to tell the chemist They took Waif into a little back room and did all they could for him but the chemist shrugged his shoulders
Better kill the poor brute at once Mr Farrant he said blandly
Donovan looked up with a strange gleam in his eyes
Not for the world he exclaimed with a touch of indignation in his tone
And after that he only spoke to Erica who seeing that the chemist had annoyed him undertook all the fetching and carrying never once shrinking though the sight was a horrible one At length the footman brought word that Mrs FaneSmith was waiting and she was obliged to go reluctantly enough
Youll let me know how he gets on she said
Yes indeed he replied not thanking her directly for her help but somehow sending her away with the consciousness that they had passed the bounds of mere acquaintanceship and were friends for life
She found that her aunt had been waylaid by Mr Cuthbert
If I were the owner of the dog I should have up our honorable member for assault I believe Miss Raeburn broke her umbrella over the poor thing
Erica was just in time to hear this
Were you watching it she exclaimed And you did nothing to help the fox terrier
I do not feel bound to champion every fighting cur who is getting the worst of it said Mr Cuthbert What has become of Mr Farrants favorite I suppose he is fussing over it instead of studying the affairs of the nation
I am afraid the dog is dying said Erica
A curious change passed over Mr Cuthberts face he looked a little shocked and turned away somewhat hastily
Come thought Erica to herself I am glad to have discovered a grain of good in you
The next day was Sunday it passed by very quietly But on the Monday when Erica opened the Daily Review there was her Society article staring her in the face It was clever and eminently readable but it was bitterly sarcastic she could not endure it It seemed to her that she had written what was positively bad calculated to mislead and to awaken bitterness not in the least likely to mend matters The fact was she had written it in a moment of passion and against her conscience and she regretted it now with far more compunction than she felt for anything she had written in former times in the IdolBreaker Then though indirectly and sometimes directly attacking Christianity she had written conscientiously now for the first time she felt that she had dishonored her pen She went down into the very deepest depths
The midday post brought her a letter from her stiff old editor who understood her better and thought more of her than she dreamed It informed her that another member of the staff had returned from his holiday and if she pleased she could be exempted from writing for a fortnight As usual Mr Bircham begged to remain hers faithfully
She hardly knew whether to regard this as a relief or as a punishment With a sigh she opened a second letter it was from Charles Osmond in reply to a despairing note which she had sent off just before her Saturday interview with Mr FaneSmith
It was one of his short characteristic letters
Dear Erica It all comes in the days work as the man said when the lion ate him You should have a letter but Im up to the eyes in parish maters All I can say is pray for that charity which covers the multitude of sins and then I think youll find the Greyshot folk become more bearable So you have met Donovan at last I am right glad Your father and I had a long walk together yesterday he seems very well Yours ever C O
This made her smile and she opened a third letter which ran as follows
My dear Miss Raeburn I should have called on you last Saturday but was not well enough to come in to Greyshot My husband told me all about your help and your kindness to our Waif I know you will be glad to hear that he is going on well he is much more to us all than an ordinary favorite some day you shall hear his story I am writing now to ask sans ceremonie if you will come and spend a few days with us It will be a great pleasure to us if you will say yes My husband will be in Greyshot on Monday afternoon and will call for your answer please come if you can Yours very sincerely Gladys Farrant
Erica showed this letter to her aunt and of course there was nothing to prevent her going indeed Mrs FaneSmith was really rather relieved for she thought a few days absence might make things more comfortable for Erica and besides Roses illness made the days dull for her
It was about four oclock when Donovan Farrant arrived Erica felt as though she were meeting an old friend when she went into the drawing room and found him standing on the hearth rug
You have had my wifes note he asked taking her hand
Yes she replied
And you will come
If you will have me
Thats right we had set our hearts on it You are looking very tired I hope Saturday did not upset you
No said Erica But there have been a good many worries and I have not yet learned the art of taking life quietly
You are overdone you want a rest said Donovan whose keen and practiced observation had at once noticed her delicate physique and peculiar temperament You are a poet you see and as a wise man once remarked The poetic temperament is one of singular irritability of nerve
Erica laughed
I am no poet
Not a writer of verses but a poet in the sense of a maker an artist As a reader of the Daily Review you must allow me to judge Brian once showed me one of your articles and I always recognize them now by the style
I dont deserve the name of artist one bit said Erica coloring I would give all I have to destroy my article of today You have not seen that or you would not have given me such a name
Yes I have seen it I read it this morning at breakfast and made up my mind that you wrote it on Friday evening after Lady Carolines dinner I can understand that you hate the thing now One gets a sharp lesson every now and then and it lasts one a life time
Erica signed He resumed
Well Are you coming to Oakdene with me
Did you mean now at once today
If you will
Oh I should so like to she cried But will Mrs Farrant be expecting me
She will be hoping for you and that is better
Erica was noted for the speed with which she could pack a portmanteau and it could not have been more than ten minutes before she was ready Mrs FaneSmith wished her goodbye with a sort of affectionate relief then Donovan helped her into the pony carriage and drove briskly off through the Greyshot streets
That is the place where I first heard your father he said indicating with his whip the town Hall It must be sixteen years ago I was quite a young fellow
Sixteen years Did you hear him so long ago as that said Erica thoughtfully Why that must have been about the time of the great Stockborough trial
It was I remember reference being made to it and how it stirred me up to think of Mr Raeburns gallant defense of freedom and all that it was costing him How well I remember too riding home that night along this very road with the thoughts of the good of the race the love of humanity touched into life for the first time When a selfish cynic first catches a glimpse of an honest man toiling for what he believes the good of humanity it is a wonderful moment for him Mr Raeburn was about the only man living that I believed in You can understand that I owe him an immense debt of gratitude
That is what you referred to in the House last year said Erica How curiously lives are linked together Words spoken by my father years ago set thoughts working in you you make a speech and refer to them I read a report of your speech in a time of chaotic wretchedness and it comes like an answer to a prayer
Another bond between us said Donovan
After that they were silent they had left the high road and were driving along winding country lanes catching glimpses every now and then of golden corn fields still unreaped or of fields just beginning to be dotted with sheaves where the men were at work It was a late harvest that year but a good one Presently they passed the tiny little village church which nestled under the brow of the hill and then came a steep ascent which made Donovan spring out of the pony chaise Ericas words had awakened a long train of thought had carried him back to the far past and had brought him fresh proof of that wonderful unity of Nature which though often little dreamed of binds man to man He gave the ponies a rest half way up the hill and stretching up into the high hedge gathered a beautiful spray of redberried briony for Erica
Do you remember that grand thought which Shakespeare puts into the mouth of Henry V
There is some soul of goodness in things evil
Tis wonderful to look back in life and trace it out
He spoke rather abruptly but Ericas thoughts had been following much the same bent and she understood him
Trust is easy on such a day as this and in such a place she said looking down to the beautiful valley and up to the green encircling hills
Donovan smiled and touched up the ponies
It seemed to Erica that they had turned their backs on bigotry and annoyance and care of every description and were driving right into a land of rest Presently they turned in at some iron gates and drove down a long approach bordered with fir trees At the end of this stood the manor a solid comfortable wellbuilt country house its rather plain exterior veiled with ivy and creepers Donovan led her into the hall where stately old highbacked chairs and a suit or two of old armor were intermixed with modern appliances fishing tackle a lawntennis box and a sprinkling of toys which indicated that there were children in the house
This fact was speedily indicated in another way for there came a rush and a scamper overhead and a boy of five or six years old ran down the broad oak staircase
Oh father May I ride round to the stables on Speedwell he cried in a desperate hurry to attract his fathers attention away from the servant and the portmanteau then catching sight of Erica he checked himself and held out his hand with a sort of shy courtesy He was exactly what Donovan must have been as a child as far as looks went
To the stables Ralph replied his father looking round Yes if you like Put on your hat though Wheres your mother
In the garden with Mr Cunningham he came a few minutes ago and hes got such a horse father A real beauty just like cocoa
A roan said Donovan laughing then as Ralph disappeared through the open door he turned to the servant
Is it Mr Cunningham of Blachingbury
No sir Mr Leslie Cunningham
Erica listened not without interest for she knew that Leslie Cunningham was the recently elected member for East Mountshire the eldest son of Sir Michael Cunningham
We must come and find them said Donovan and together they went out into the garden
Here on one of the broad grassy terraces under the shade of a copperbeech was afternoon tea on a wicker table Gladys was talking to Mr Cunningham but catching sight of her husband and Erica at the other end of the terrace she hurried forward to greet them
This is delightful she exclaimed I hoped that Donovan might unceremoniously carry you off today but hardly dared to expect it You are just in time for tea
Your arrival has caused quite a sensation in the nursery said Donovan to Leslie Cunningham My small boy is in raptures over your horse just like cocoa
Leslie gave rather an absent laugh He was watching Erica who was still at a little distance talking to Gladys
May I be introduced to your guest he said
Certainly said Donovan She is the daughter of Mr Raeburn
Leslie started
Indeed I have heard about her from old Bircham the editor He cant say enough of her
Apparently Leslie Cunningham could not look enough at her
Donovan thinking of Brian was perhaps a little vexed at the meeting However putting himself into his guests position he felt that the admiration was but natural and as to Brian if he chose to lose his heart to such a lovely girl he must expect to have many rivals
Ericas first thought as she glanced at Leslie Cunningham was one of disappointment He was not the least like his father However by degrees she began to like him—for his own sake He could not have been more than fiveandtwenty and looked even younger for he was faircomplexioned and cleanshaven His thick flaxen hair and rather pallid face were decidedly wanting in color but were relieved by very dark gray eyes His features were well cut and regular and the face was altogether a clever as well as an attractive one
Erica felt as if she had got into a very delicious new word The novelty of a meal AL FRESCO the lovely view the beautifully laid out grounds were charming externals and then there were the deeper enjoyments the lovability of her host and hostess the delightful atmosphere of broadhearted sympathy in which they seemed to live and move and above all the restfulness the freedom of not living in momentary expectation of being rubbed the wrong way by a vexing conversation on religious or political or personal topics It was like a beautiful dream quite unlike any part of real waking existence that she had ever before known The conversation was bright and lively They talked because they had something to say and wished to say it and the artificial element so prevalent in society talk was entirely absent
Presently Ralph came out of the house leading a fairylike little girl of four years old
Here come the children said Gladys The hour before dinner is their special time You have not seen Dolly have you
Dolly The name awoke some recollection of the past in Erica and as she kissed the little girl she looked at her closely Yes it was the same fascinating little baby face with its soft pink cheeks and little pointed chin its innocent bluegray eyes its tiny sweettempered mouth The sunny brown hair was longer and Dolly was an inch or two taller but she was undoubtedly the same
Now I know why I always felt that I knew your face exclaimed Erica turning to Donovan Was not Dolly lost at Codrington last year
On the beach replied Donovan Yes Why could it have been you who brought her back Of course it was Now it all comes back to me I had exactly the same feeling about knowing your face the other evening at Lady Carolines but put it down to your likeness to Mr Raeburn There is another bond between us
They both laughed Donovan took Dolly upon his knee
Do you remember Dolly when you were lost on the beach once
Yes said Dolly promptly I clied
Who found you
Farver said Dolly
Who brought you to father
Dolly searched her memory
An old gentleman gave Dolly sweets
My father said Erica smiling
And who helped you up the beach asked Gladys
A plitty lady did said Dolly
Was it this lady do you think said Donovan indicating Erica
Dolly trotted round with her dear little laughing face to make the scrutiny
I fink vis one is plittier she announced Whereupon every one began to laugh
The most charming compliment I ever heard said Leslie Cunningham Dolly ought to be patted on the back
Erica smiled and colored but as she looked again at Donovan and little Dolly her thoughts wandered away to that June day in the museum when they had been the parable which shadowed forth to her such a wonderful reality Truly there were links innumerable between her and Donovan
Leslie Cunningham seemed as if he intended to stay forever however every one was quite content to sit out on the lawn talking and watching the children at their play It was one of those still soft September evenings when one is glad of any excuse to keep out of doors
At last the dressing bell rang and Leslie took out his watch with an air of surprise
The afternoon has flown he exclaimed I had no idea it was so late I wanted to ask you by the bye whether I could see the coffee tavern at Greyshot We are going to start one down at our place and I want to see one or two wellmanaged ones first Whereabouts is it I think Ill ride on now and have a look at it
Dine with us first said Donovan and Ill ride over with you between eight and nine that is the best time for seeing it in full swing
So Leslie Cunningham stayed to dinner and talked a great deal about temperance work but did not succeed in blinding his host who knew well enough that Erica had been the real cause of his desire to go over to Greyshot
Temperance however proved a fortunate subject for it was of course one in which she was deeply interested all the more so now that it formed one of the strongest bonds remaining between herself and her fathers followers A large number of the Raeburnites were either teetotalers or very strong temperance advocates and Erica who was constantly out and about in the poorer parts of London had realized forcibly the terrible national evil and was an enthusiastic temperance worker
Donovan perhaps out of malice prepense administered a good many dry details about the management of coffee taverns personal supervision Etzenbergers machines the necessity of a good site and attractive building etc etc Erica only wished that Tom could have been there he would have been so thoroughly in his element By and by the conversation drifted away to other matters And as Leslie Cunningham was a good and very amusing talker and Gladys the perfection of a hostess the dinner proved very lively an extraordinary contrast to the dreary vapid table talk to which Erica had lately been accustomed After the ladies had left the room Donovan rather to his amusement found the talk veering round to Luke Raeburn Presently Leslie Cunningham hazarded a direct question about Erica in a wouldbe indifferent tone In reply Donovan told him briefly and without comment what he knew of her history keeping on the surface of things and speaking always with a sort of careful restraint He was never very fond of discussing people and perhaps in this case the realization of the thousand objections to any serious outcome of Leslies sudden admiration strengthened his reserve However fate was apparently kinder though perhaps really more cruel than the host for Donovan was summoned into the library to interview an aggrieved constituent and Leslie finding his way to the drawing room was only too delighted to meet Gladys going upstairs to see her children
The lamps were lighted in the drawing room but the curtains were not drawn and beside the open window he saw a slim whiterobed figure Erica was looking out into the gathering darkness He crossed the room and stood beside her his heart beating quickly all the more because she did not move or take any notice of his presence It was unconventional but perhaps because he was so weary of the ordinary young ladies who invariably smiled and fluttered the moment he approached them and were so perfectly ready to make much of him this unconventionality attracted him He watched her for a minute in silence She was very happy and was looking her loveliest Presently she turned
I think it is the stillness which is so wonderful she exclaimed
It was spoken with the frankness of a child with the spontaneous confidence of the pure childnature which instinctively recognizes all the lovable and trustable The clear golden eyes looked right into his for a moment A strange reverence awoke within him He had seen more beautiful eyes before but none so entirely wanting in that unreality of expression arising from a wish to produce an effect none so beautifully sincere
The country stillness you mean he replied
Yes it is rest in itself I have never stayed in the country before
Is it possible he exclaimed
He had often languidly discussed the comparative advantages of Murren and Zermatt with girls who took a yearly tour abroad as naturally as their dinner but to talk to one who had spent her whole life in towns who could enjoy a country evening so absolutely and unaffectedly was a strange and delightful novelty
You are one of those who can really enjoy he said You are not blasee you are one of the happy mortals who keep the faculty of enjoyment as strongly all through life as in childhood
Yes I think I can enjoy said Erica But I suppose we pay for our extra faculty of enjoyment
You mean by being more sensitive to pain
Yes though that sounds rather like Dickenss Mrs Gummidge when she thought she felt smoky chimneys more than other people
He laughed
How I wish you could turn over your work to me and go to Switzerland tomorrow in my place Only I should wish to be there too for the sake of seeing you enjoy it
Do you go tomorrow
Yes with my father
Ah How delightful I confess I do envy you a little I do long to see snow mountains Always living in London makes me—
He interrupted her with a sort of exclamation of horror
Oh Dont abuse London she said laughing If one must live all the year round in one place I would rather be there than anywhere When I hear people abusing it I always think they dont know how to use their eyes What can be more lovely for instance than the view from Greenwich Park by the observatory Dont you know that beautiful clump of Scotch firs in the foreground and then the glimpse of the river through the trees And then there is that lovely part by Queen Elizabeths oak The view in Hyde Park too over the Serpentine how exquisite that is on a summer afternoon with the Westminster towers standing up in a golden haze Or Kensington Gardens in the autumn when the leaves are turning and there is blue mist in the background against the dark tree trunks I think I love every inch of London
Leslie Cunningham would have listened to the praises of the Black Country if only for the sake of hearing her voice
Well as far as England goes you are in the right place for scenery now I know a few lovelier parts than this
What are those lights on the lower terrace asked Erica suddenly
Glow worms Have you never seen them Come and look at them nearer
Oh I should like to she said with the charming enthusiasm and eagerness which delighted him so much
To guide her down the steps in the dusky garden to feel her hand on his arm to hear her fresh naive remarks and then to recall what Donovan Farrant had just told him about her strange sad story all seemed to draw him on irresistibly He had had three or four tolerably serious flirtations but now he knew that he had never before really loved
Erica was delighted with the glow worms and delighted with the dewy fragrance of the garden and delighted with the soft balmy stillness of the night She was one of those who revel in Nature and all that she said was evidently the overflow of a rapturous happiness curiously contrasting with the ordinary set remarks of admiration or falsely sentimental outbursts too much in vogue But Leslie Cunningham found that the childlikeness was not only in manner but that Erica had no idea of flirting she was bright and merry and talkative but she had no thought no desire of attracting his attention She had actually and literally come out into the garden to see the glow worms not to monopolize the muchrunafter young MP and as soon as she had seen them she said she felt cold and suggested going back again
He was disappointed but the words were so perfectly sincere so free from suspicion of mere conventionality that there was nothing for it but to return Half amused half piqued but wholly in love he speedily forgot himself in real anxiety
I hope you havent taken cold he said with great solicitude
Oh no said Erica but I want to be careful for the nightschool work will be beginning soon and I must go home fresh for that
Something in her words broke the spell of perfect happiness which had hitherto held him Was it the mention of her everyday life with its surroundings unknown to him Or was it some faint perception that in the world of duty to which she referred their paths could not rightly converge A cold chill crept over him
You were quite right he said with an involuntary shiver It is decidedly cold out here the mist rises from the river I expect or else your reference to the workingday world has recalled me from fairyland You should not speak of work in such a place as this it is incongruous
She smiled
Ernst ist das leben she replied quietly One cant forget that even at such a time as this and in such a place
How is it that some never forget that for a moment while others never remember it at all he said musingly
Some of us have no excuse for ever forgetting she answered hardly a chance either
And though the words were vague they shadowed out to him much of her life a life never free from sorrow burdened with constant care and anxiety and ever confronted by some of the most perplexing world problems A longing to shield and protect and comfort her rose in his heart yet all the time he instinctively knew that hers was the stronger nature
It seemed that the seriousness of life was to be borne in upon them specially that evening for returning to the drawing room they found Donovan released from his interview and relating with some indignation the pitiable story he had just heard It only reached Leslie Cunningham in fragments however over crowding children sleeping six in a bed two of them with scarlet fever no fever hospital no accommodation for them an inspector medical officer the board how drearily dry all the details seemed to him He could do nothing but watch Ericas eager face with its evervarying play of expression He hardly knew whether to be angry with Donovan Farrant for alluding to matters which brought a look of sadness to her eyes or to thank him for the story which made her face light up with indignation and look if possible more beautiful than before
Dont offer to put up a fever shanty on the lawn said Gladys when her husband paused
I wish we had an empty cottage where we could put them said Donovan but I am afraid all I can do is to bring pressure to bear upon the authorities Well ride over together Cunningham and Jack Trevethan our manager shall show you the tavern while I rout out this medical officer
They had had tea there was no longer any excuse for delaying Leslie with an outward smile and an inward sigh turned to take leave of Erica She was bending over a basket in which was curled up the invalid fox terrier For a moment she left off stroking the white and tan head and held out her hand
Goodbye she said frankly
That was all And yet it made Leslies heart bound Was he indeed to go to Switzerland tomorrow He MUST manage to get out of it somehow
And all the way to Greyshot he listened to schemes for the work to be done next session from the ardent sanitary reformer though just then the devastation of all England would scarcely have roused him so long as he was assured of the safety of Luke Raeburns daughter
CHAPTER XXVIII The Happiest of Weeks
He went in the strength of dependence
To tread where his Master trod
To gather and knit together The Family of God
With a conscience freed from burdens
And a heart set free from care
To minister to every one
Always and everywhere
Author of Chronicles of the Schonberg Cotta Family
After this came a happy uneventful week at the manor Erica often thought of the definition of happiness which Charles Osmond had once given her Perfect harmony with your surroundings She had never been so happy in her life Waif who was slowly recovering grew pathetically fond of his rescuer The children were devoted to her and she to them She learned to love Gladys very much and from her she learned a good deal which helped her to understand Donovans past life Then too it was the first time in her life that she had ever been in a house where there were little children and probably Ralph and Dolly did more for her than countless sermons or whole libraries of theology could have done
Above all there was Donovan and the friendship of such a man was a thing which made life a sort of wordless thanksgiving At times even in those she loved best even in her father or Charles Osmond she was conscious of something which jarred a little but so perfect was her sympathy with Donovan so closely and strangely were their lives and characters linked together that never once was the restfulness of perfect harmony broken Nature and circumstances had as it were turned them to each other He could understand as no one else could understand the reversal of thought and feeling which she had passed through during the last few months
He could understand the perplexities of her present position suddenly confronted with the world of wealth and fashion and conventional religion and fresh from a circle where whatever the errors held and promulgated the life was so desperately earnest often so nobly selfdenying He knew that Mr FaneSmith good man as he was must have been about the severest of trials to a newborn faith He understood how Mr Cuthberts malice would tend to reawaken the harsh class judgment against which as a Christian Erica was bound to struggle He could fully realize the irritated ruffled state she was in she was overdone and wanted perfect rest and quiet perfect love and sympathy He and his wife gave her all these took her not only to their house but right into their home and how to do this no one knew so well as Donovan perhaps because he had once been in much the same position himself It was his most leisure month the time he always devoted to home and wife and children so that Erica saw a great deal of him He seemed to her the ideal head of an ideal yet real home It was one of those homes and thank God there are such where belief in the Unseen reacts upon the life in the seen making it so beautiful so lovable that when you go out once more into the ordinary world you go with a widened heart and the realization that the kingdom of Heaven of which Christ spoke does indeed begin upon earth
It is strange in tracing the growth of spontaneous love to notice how independent it is of time Love annihilates time with love as with God time is not Like the miracles it brings into use the aeonial measurement in which one day is a thousand years and a thousand years is one day A week even a few hours may give us love and knowledge and mutual sympathy with one which the intercourse of many years fails to give with another
The week at Oakdene was one which all her life long Erica looked back to with the loving remembrance which can gild and beautify the most sorrowful of lives It is surely a mistake to think that the memory of past delights makes present pain sharper If not why do we all so universally strive to make the lives of children happy Is it not because we know that happiness in the present will give a sort of reflected happiness even in the saddest future Is it not because we know how in lifes bitterest moments its most barren and desolate paths we feel a warmth about our heart a smile upon our lips when we remember the old home days with their eager childish interests and hopes their vividly recollected pleasures their sheltered luxuriance of fatherly and motherly love For how many thousands did the poet speak when he wrote
The thought of our past years in me doth breed Perpetual
benediction
A benediction which outlives the cares and troubles of later life which we may carry with us to our dying day and find perfected indeed in that Unseen where
All we have willed or hoped or dreamed of good shall
exist Not its semblance but itself
There was only one bit of annoyance during the whole time it was on the Sunday the day before Erica was to go back to Greyshot Gladys was not very well and stayed at home but Donovan and Erica went to church with the children starting rather early that they might enjoy the lovely autumn morning and also that they might put the weekly wreaths on two graves in the little church yard Donovan himself put the flowers upon the first Ralph and Dolly talking softly together about little Auntie Dot then running off hand in hand to make the captains glave plitty as Dolly expressed it Erica following them glanced at the plain white headstone and read the name John Frewin sometimes captain of the Metora
Then they went together into the little country church and all at once a shadow fell on her heart for as they entered at the west end the clergy and the choristers entered the chancel and she saw that Mr Cuthbert was to take the service The rector was taking his holiday and had enlisted help from Greyshot
Happily no man has it in his power to mar the Church of England service but by and by came the sermon Now Mr Cuthbert cordially detested Donovan he made no secret of it He opposed and thwarted him on every possible occasion and it is to be feared that personal malice had something to do with his choice of a subject for that mornings sermon
He had brought over to Oakdene a discourse on the eternity of punishment Perhaps he honestly believed that people could be frightened to heaven at any rate he preached a most ghastly sermon and what was worse preached it with vindictive energy The poor mangled muchdistorted text about the tree lying as it falls was brought to the fore once again and instead of bearing reference to universal charity and almsgiving as it was intended to do was ruthlessly torn from its context and turned into a parable about the state of the soul at death The words damned and damnation with all their falsely theologized significance rang through the little church and made people shudder though all the time the speaker knew well enough that there were no such words in the New Testament Had he been there himself to see he could not have described his material hell more graphically Presently leaning right over the pulpit his eyes fixed on the manor pew just beneath him he asked in thundering tones My brethren have you ever realized what the word LOST means Then came a long catalogue of those who in Mr Cuthberts opinion would undoubtedly be lost in which of course all Ericas friends and relatives were unhesitatingly placed
Now to hear what we sincerely believe to be error crammed down the throats of a congregation is at all times a great trial but when our nearest and dearest are remorselessly thrust down to the nethermost hell impatience is apt to turn to wrath Erica thought of her gentle loving unselfish mother and though nothing could alter her conviction that long ere now she had learned the truths hidden from her in life yet she could not listen to Mr Cuthberts horrible words without indignant emotion A movement from Donovan recalled her Little Dorothy was on his knees fast asleep he quietly reached out his hand took up Ericas prayer book which was nearest to him and wrote a few words on the fly leaf handling the book to her She read them Definition of LOST not found yet Then the anger and grief and pain died away and though the preacher still thundered overhead Gods truth stole into Ericas heart once more by means of one of his earliest consecrated preachers a little child Once more Dolly and her father were to her a parable and presently glancing away through the sunny south window her eye fell upon a small marble tablet just below it that she had not before noticed and this furnished her with thoughts which outlasted the sermon
At the top was a medallion the profile of the same fine soldierly
looking man whose portrait hung in Donovans study and which was
so wonderfully like both himself and little Ralph Beneath was the
following inscription
In loving Memory of RALPH FARRANT
Who died at Porthkerran Cornwall
May 3 18— Aged 45
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and
cometh down from the Father of lights with whom is no
variableness neither shadow of turning
The date was sixteen years back but the tablet was comparatively new and could not have been up more than six years at the outside Erica was able partly to understand why Donovan had chosen for it that particular text and nothing could more effectually have counteracted Mr Cuthberts sermon than the thoughts which it awoke in her
Nevertheless she did not quite get over the ruffled feeling which was now in a great measure physical and it was with a sense of relief that she found herself again in the open air in the warmth and sunshine and gladness of the September day Donovan did not say a word They passed through the little church yard and walked slowly up the winding lane the children who had stopped to gather a fine cluster of blackberries were close behind them In the silence every word of their talk could be distinctly heard
I dont like God exclaimed Ralph abruptly
Oh you naughty exclaimed Dolly much shocked
No it isnt naughty I dont think Hes good Why do you think father would let us be shut up in a horrid place for always and always Course he wouldnt I spects if wed got to go hed come too
Donovan and Erica looked at each other Donovan turned round and held out his hand at which both children rushed
Ralph he said if any one told you that I might some day leave off loving you leave off being your father what would you do
Id knock them down said Ralph clinching his small fist
Donovan laughed a little but did not then attempt to prove the questionable wisdom of such a proceeding
Why would you feel inclined to knock them down he asked
Because it would be a wicked lie cried Ralph Because I know you never could father
You are quite right Of course I never could You would never believe any one who told you that I could because you would know it was impossible But just now you believed what some one said about God though you wouldnt have believed it of me Never believe anything which contradicts Our Father It will be our father punishing us now and hereafter and you may be sure that He will do the best possible for all His children You are quite sure that I should only punish you to do you good and how much more sure may you be that God who loves you so much more will do the same and will never give you up
Ralph looked hard at his bunch of blackberries and was silent Many thoughts were working in his childish brain Presently he said meditatively
He did shout it out so loud and horrid I spose he had forgotten about Our Father But you see Dolly it was all a mistake Come along lets race down the drive
Off they ran Erica fancied that Donovan watched them rather sadly
I thought Ralph was listening in church she said Fancy a child of his age thinking it all out like that
Children think much more than people imagine said Donovan And a child invariably carries out a doctrine to its logical conclusion Tis wonderful the fine sense of justice which you always find in them
Ralph inherits that from you I should think How exactly like you he is especially when he is puzzling out some question in his own mind
A strange shadow passed over Donovans face He was silent for a moment
Tis hard to be brave for ones own child he said at last I confess that the thought that Ralph may have to live through what I have lived through is almost unendurable to me
How vexed you must have been that he heard todays sermon said Erica
Not now he replied He has heard and taken in the other side and has instinctively recognized the truth If I had had some one to say as much to me when I was his age it might have saved me twenty years of atheism
It is not only children who are repulsed by this said Erica Or learned men like James Mill I know well enough that hundreds of my fathers followers were driven away from Christianity merely by having this view constantly put before them How were they to know that half the words about it were mistranslations How were they to study when they were hard at work from weeks end to weeks end It seems to me downright wicked of scholars and learned men to keep their light hidden away under a bushel and then pretend that they fear the people are not ready for it
As though Gods truth needed bolstering up with error exclaimed Donovan As though to believe a hideous lie could ever be right or helpful Theres a vast amount of Jesuitry among wellmeaning Protestants
And always will be I should think said Erica As long as people will think of possible consequences instead of the absolutely true But I could forgive them all if their idea of the danger of telling the people were founded on real study of the people But is it How many of the conservers of half truths who talk so loudly about the effect on the masses have personally known the men who go to make up the masses
Yes you are right said Donovan As a rule I fancy the educated classes know less about the working classes than they do about the heathen and I am afraid care less about them You have an immense advantage there both as a writer and a worker for I suppose you really have been brought into contact with them
Yes said Erica all my life How I should like to confront Mr Cuthbert with a man like Hazeldine or with dozens of others whom I could name
Why asked Donovan
Because no one could really know such men without learning where the present systems want mending If Hazeldine could be shut into Mr Cuthberts study for a few hours and induced to tell the story of his life I believe he would have the effect of the ancient mariner on the wedding guest Only the worst of it is Im afraid the very look of Mr Cuthbert would quite shut him up
Tell me about him said Donovan
It is nothing at second hand said Erica He is a shoe maker as grandlooking a fellow as you ever saw fond of reading and very thoughtful and with more quiet common sense than almost any I ever met He had been brought up to believe in verbal inspiration that had been thoroughly crammed down his throat but no one had attempted to touch upon the contradictions the thousand and one difficulties which of course he found directly he began to study the Bible So he puzzled and puzzled and got more and more dissatisfied and never in church heard anything which explained his difficulties At last one day in his workshop a man lent him a number of the Idol Breaker and in it was a paper by my father on the Atonement It came to him like a great light in his darkness he says he shall never forget the sudden conviction that the man who wrote that article understood every one of his difficulties and would be able to clear them right away The next Sunday he went to hear my father lecture I believe it would make the veriest flint cry to hear his account of it to see the look of reverent love that comes over his face when he says And there I found Mr Raeburn ready to answer all my difficulties not holding one at arms length and talking big and patronizing for all he was so clever but just like a mate That man would die for my father any day hundreds of them would
I can well believe it said Donovan Then after a pause he added To induce Christians to take a fair unprejudiced look at true secularism and to induce secularists to take a fair unprejudiced view of true Christfollowing seems to me to be the great need of today
If one could said Erica with a longdrawn sigh
If any one can you can he replied
She looked up at him quickly awed by the earnestness of his tone Was she a young girl conscious of so many faults and failings conscious of being at the very threshold herself to dare even to attempt such a task Yet was it a question of daring to attempt Was it not rather the bit of work mapped out for her to undertake perhaps to fail in but still bravely to attempt He heart throbbed with eager yearning as the vision rose before her What was mere personal pain What was injustice What was misunderstanding Why in such a cause she could endure anything
I would die to help on that she said in a low voice
Will you live for it asked Donovan with his rare beautiful smile Live and do something more than endure the Lady Carolines and Mr Cuthberts
Few things are more inspiriting that the realization that we are called to some special work which will need our highest faculties our untiring exertions which will demand all that is good in us and will make growth in good imperative With the peacefulness of that country Sunday was interwoven a delicious perception that hard beautiful work lay beyond Erica wandered about the shady Mountshire woods with Gladys and the children and in the cool restfulness in the stillness and beauty got a firm hold on her lofty ideal and rose about the petty vexations and small frictions which had been spoiling her life at Greyshot
The manor grounds were always thrown open to the public on Sunday and a band in connection with one of the temperance societies played on the lawn Donovan had been much persecuted by the Sabbatarians for sanctioning this but though sorry to offend any one he could not allow what he considered mistaken scruples to interfere with such a boon to the public Crowds of workingmen and women came each week away from their densely packed homes into the pure country the place was for the time given up to them and they soon learned to love it to look upon it as a property to which they had a real and recognized share
Squire Ward who owned the neighboring estate grumbled a good deal at the intrusion of what he called the rabble into quiet Oakdene
Thats the worst of such men as Farrant he used to say They begin by rushing to one extreme and end by rushing to the other Such a want of steady conservative balance Hes a good man but poor fellow hell never be like other people never
Mrs Ward was almost inclined to think that he had been less obnoxious in the old times As a professed atheist he could be shunned and ignored but his uncomfortably practical Christianity had a way of shaking up the sleepy neighborhood and the neighborhood did not at all like being shaken
CHAPTER XXIX Greyshot Again
To what purpose do you profess to believe in the unity of
the human race which is the necessary consequence of the
unity of God if you do not strive to verify it by
destroying the arbitrary divisions and enmities that still
separate the different tribes of humanity Why do we talk
of fraternity while we allow any of our brethren to be
trampled on degraded or despised The earth is our
workshop We may not curse it we are bound to sanctify it
We must strive to make of humanity one single family
Mazzini
Ericas appearance at Lady Carolines dinner party had caused a sort of storm in a tea cup the small world of Greyshot was in a state of ferment and poor Mrs FaneSmith suffered a good deal from the consciousness that she and her family were the subject of all the gossip of the place Her little expedients had failed and she began to reflect ruefully that perfect sincerity plain honesty would have been the best policy after all By the time that a week had passed however censure and harsh comments began to give place to curiosity and the result of this was that on Monday which was Mrs FaneSmiths at home day Greyshot found it convenient to call in large numbers
Erica returning from Oakdene in the afternoon found her work awaiting her Her heart beat rather quickly when on entering the drawing room she found it full of visitors she half smiled to herself to find such an opportunity of beginning Donovans work And very bravely she set about it Those who had come from curiosity not unmixed with malice were won in spite of themselves even Mr Cuthbert who bore down upon her with the full intention of making her uncomfortable found himself checkmated as effectually as at Lady Carolines dinner table though in a very different way
I think I saw you in church yesterday morning he remarked by way of introducing a discordant subject
Yes replied Erica I have been staying at Oakdene Manor and had a most delicious time
Sharing Mr Farrants philanthropic labors asked Mr Cuthbert with his unpleasant smile
She laughed
No I have been thoroughly lazy and September is their holiday month too You would have been amused to see us the other evening all hard at work making paper frogs like so many children
Paper frogs said Mr Cuthbert with an intonation that suggested sarcasm
Yes have you ever seen them asked Erica I dont think many people know how to make them Feltrino taught me when I was a little girl Ill show you if you like
Did you ever meet Feltrino asked Lady Caroline
She knew very little of the Italian patriot In his life time he had been despised and rejected but he was now dead his biography a wellwritten one was in all the circulating libraries and even those who were far from agreeing with his political views had learned something of the nobility of his character So there was both surprise and envy in Lady Carolines tone she had a weakness for celebrities
I saw him once when I was seven years old said Erica He knew my father and one day we were overtaken by a tremendous shower and happened to meet Feltrino who made us come into his rooms and wait till it was over And while they talked Italian politics I sat and watched him He had the most wonderful eyes I ever saw and presently looking up and seeing me he laughed and took me on his knee saying that politics must not spoil my holiday and that he would show me how to make Japanese frogs Once when he was imprisoned and was hardly allowed to have any books the making of those frogs kept him from going mad he said
While she spoke she had been deftly folding a sheet of paper and several people were watching curiously Before very long the frog was completed and the imitation proved so clever that there was an unanimous chorus of approval and admiration Every one wanted to learn how to make them the Feltrino frogs became the topic of the afternoon and Erica fairly conquered the malicious tongues She was superintending Lady Carolines first attempt at a frog when a familiar name made her look up
Mr Cunningham Mr Leslie Cunningham
I thought you were in Switzerland she exclaimed as he crossed the room and shook hands with her
I never got further than Paris he said smiling My brother has gone instead and I am going to follow your example and study the beauties of English scenery
Perhaps Greyshot opinion was more conciliated by the long talk with Mr Leslie Cunningham MP than even by the Feltrino frogs To have Luke Raeburns daughter suddenly thrust into the midst of their select society at Lady Carolines dinner was one thing they had one and all shunned her But when she proved to be after all clever and fascinating and original when they knew that she had sat on Feltrinos knee as a little child above all when they saw that Leslie Cunningham was talking to her with mingled friendliness and deference they veered round Politically they hated Sir Michael Cunningham but in society they were pleased enough to meet him and in Greyshot naturally enough his son was a lion Greyshot made much of him during his stay at Blachingbury and he found it very convenient just then to be made much of
Hardly a day of that week passed in which he did not in some way meet Erica He met her in the park with her aunt he sat next to her at an evening concert he went to the theater and watched her all through Hamlet and came to the FaneSmiths box between the acts Yet desperately as he was in love he could not delude himself with the belief that she cared for him She was always bright talkative frank even friendly but that was all Yet her unlikeness to the monotonously same girls whom he was in the habit of meeting fascinated him more and more each day She was to go back to town on the Monday on Friday it so happened that she met Leslie Cunningham at a great flower show and with perfect unconsciousness piqued him almost beyond endurance Now at last he hoped to make her understand his admiration They discussed Hamlet and he had just brought the conversation adroitly round to the love scene in the third act when Erica suddenly dashed his hopes to the ground
Oh how lovely she exclaimed pausing before a beautiful exotic Surely that must be an orchid
And the reluctant Leslie found the conversation drifting round to botany about which he knew little and cared less Once more his hopes were raised only to be frustrated He was sitting besides Mrs FaneSmith and Erica and had managed to stem the tide of the botany The band was playing Erica half listening to the music and half attending to his talk looked dreamily peaceful surely now was the time But all at once the clear eyes looked up with their perfectly wideawake interest and she exclaimed
I do wish the Farrants would come They certainly meant to be here I cant make it out
Leslie patiently talked about the member for Greyshot but just when he hoped he was quit of the subject Erica gave an exclamation of such unfeigned delight that a consuming envy took possession of him
Oh there he is And Ralph and Dolly too
And in a moment the Oakdene party had joined them and Leslie saw that his chances for that day were over Before long he had made his escape leaving the grounds not moodily but with the light of a new and eager determination in his eye
Erica returning from the flower show late in the afternoon found a note awaiting her and opened it unconcernedly enough on her way up to her room But the first glance at it brought a glow of color to her face and a nameless fear to her heart She ran on quickly locked her door and by the ruddy firelight read in a sort of dumb dismay her first offer of marriage This then was the meaning of it all This was the cause of his hurried return to England this had brought her the long talks which had been so pleasant yes strangely unaccountably pleasant Yet for all that she knew well enough that she had nothing to give in return for the love revealed in every word of the letter She liked him liked to talk to him thought him clever and interesting but that was all His wife Oh no Impossible That could never be And then as usual even in the midst of her strange sense of discomfort and perplexity there came a flash of humor which made her laugh noiselessly in the dim light Tom would call me Mrs Sly Bacon
But a second reading of the letter made her look grave She was very much puzzled to know how to answer it how in refusing to give him least pain There was nothing else to hesitate about of her own mind she was quite sure There was only an hour till post time She must write at once and she must write in a way which could not be mistaken There was not a grain of coquetry about Erica After some thought she wrote the following lines
Dear Mr Cunningham Your letter surprised me very much and pained me too because in replying I fear I must give you pain I thank you for the honor you have done me but I can never be your wife Even if I could return your love which I can not it could never be right People are so prejudiced that the connection of our names might greatly injure your public work and besides you could not live in the circle in which I live and nothing could ever make it right for me to leave my own people I can not write as I should like to I can not say what I would or thank you as I would but please understand me and believe me yours very sincerely Erica Raeburn
Strange enough the writing of that letter the realization of the impossibility of accepting Leslie Cunninghams offer opened out to Erica a new region started her upon a new stage of her life progress In spite of her trouble at the thought of the pain she must give there was an indefinable sense that life and love meant much more than she had hitherto dreamed of and though for the next few days she was a little grave and silent there rang in her ears the refrain
Oh life oh beyond Thou art strange thou art sweet
She was not sorry that her visit was drawing to a close although the last week had gone much more smoothly Her vigorous nature began to long to return to the working day world and though she could very honestly thank Mr FaneSmith for his kindness she turned her back on his house with unmixed satisfaction
And you cannot change your ind as to my suggestion he asked sending off one parting arrow
I can not said Erica firmly he is my father
You must of course make your own choice he said with a sigh But you are sadly wrong sadly wrong In my opinion your father is—
Forgive me for interrupting you said Erica but by your own showing you have no right to have any opinion whatever about my father Until you have either learned to know him personally heard him speak or fairly and carefully studied his writings you have no grounds to form an opinion upon
But the current opinion is—
The current opinion is no more an opinion than yours It is the view of most bitter opponents And candidly WOULD you accept the current opinion held of any prominent statesman by his adversaries Why the best men living are represented as fiends in human shape by their enemies And if this is so in political matters how much more in such a case as my fathers
Mr FaneSmith who was a wellmeaning though narrow man sighed again it was always very painful to him to listen to views which did not coincide with his own
Well he said at length there is after all the hope that you may convert him
I hope you do not want me to turn into one of those hateful little prigs who go about lamenting over their unregenerate parents said Erica naughtily Then softening down she added I think I know what you mean perhaps I was wrong to speak like that only somehow knowing what my father is it does grate so to put it in that way But dont think I would not give my life for him to come to the light here and now for I would I would
She clasped her hands tightly together and turned quickly away
Mr FaneSmith was touched
Well my dear he said You may be right after all and I may be wrong All my anxiety is only for your ultimate good
The train was on the point of starting he gave her a warm hand shake and in spite of all that jarred in their respective natures Erica ended by liking him the best of her new relations
CHAPTER XXX Slander Leaves a Slur
For slander lives upon succession
Forever housed where it once
gets possession Comedy of Errors
Not out of malice but mere zeal
Because he was an infidel
Hudibras
Blessed old London how delightful it is to come back to it exclaimed Erica as she and Tom drove home from Paddington on the afternoon of her return from Greyshot Tell the man not to go through the back streets theres a good boy Ah hes doing it of his own accord Why the park trees are much browner than the Mountshire ones
We have been prophesying all manner of evil about your coming back said Tom looking her over critically from head to foot I believe mother thought you would never come that the good Christians down at Greyshot having caught you would keep you and even the chieftain was the least bit in the world uneasy
Nonsense said Erica laughing he knows better
But they did want to keep you
Yes
How did you get out of it
Said Much obliged to you but Id rather not Enacted Mrs Micawber you know I never will no I never will leave Mr Micawber
Mr FaneSmith must have been a brute ever to have proposed such a thing
Oh no Not at all Within certain limits he is a kindhearted man only he is one of those who believe in that hateful saying Men without the knowledge of God are cattle And believing that would treat atheists as I should be sorry to treat Friskarina
And what is the world of Greyshot like
It is very lukewarm about public questions and very boiling hot about its own private affairs said Erica But I have learned now how people in society can go on contentedly living their easy lives in the midst of such ignorance and misery They never investigate and when any painful instance is alluded to they say Oh But it CANT be true The other day they were speaking of Kingsleys pamphlet Cheap clothes and nasty and one lady said that was quite an evil of the past that the difficulty nowadays was to get things at reasonable prices When I told her that women only get twopence for doing all the machine work of an ulster and have to provide their machine cotton food light and fuel she exclaimed Oh that is incredible It must be exaggerated Such things couldnt be now When Aunt Isabel heard that I had known cases of men being refused admission to a hospital supported by public subscriptions on the ground of their atheism she said it was impossible And as to physical ill treatment or in fact any injustice having ever been shown by Christian to atheist she would not hear of it It was always My dear the atmosphere in which you have lived has distorted your vision or You have been told my dear that these things were so To tell her that they were facts which could be verified was not the smallest good for she wouldnt so much as touch any publication connected with secularism
None are so blind as those who will not see said Tom They will go on in this way till some great national crisis some crash which they cant ignore wakes them up from their comfortable state It cant be true is no doubt a capital narcotic
Father is at home I suppose How do you think he is
Oh very well but fearfully busy The Miracles trial will probably come on in November
Erica sighed There was a silence She looked out rather sadly at the familiar Oxford Street shops
You have not come back approving of the Blasphemy Laws I hope said Tom misinterpreting her sigh
Her eyes flashed
Of course not she said emphatically
Mr Osmond has as usual been getting into hot water for speaking a word on the chieftains behalf
Did he speak I am glad of that said Erica brightening I expect Mr Pogsons conduct will stir up a good many liberal Christians into showing their disapproval of bigotry and injustice Ah Here is the dear old square The statue looks ten degrees moldier than when I left
In fact everything looked as Erica expressed it moldier Persecution Alley the lodging house the very chairs and tables seemed to obtrude their shabbiness upon her Not that she cared in the least for however shabby it was home the home that she had longed for again and again in the luxury and ease of Greyshot
Raeburn looked up from a huge law book as she opened the door of his study
Why little son Eric he exclaimed You came so quietly that I never heard you Glad to have you home again my child The room looks as if it needed you doesnt it
Erica laughed for the study was indeed in a state of chaos Books were stacked up on the floor on the mantel piece on the chairs on the very steps of the book ladder The writing table was a sea of papers periodicals proofs and manuscripts upon which there floated with much difficulty Raeburns writing desk and the book he was reading some slight depression in the surrounding mass of papers showing where his elbows had been
About equal to Teufelsdrochs room isnt it he said smiling Everything united in a common element of dust But really after the first terrible day of your absence when I wasted at least an hour in hunting for things which the tidy domestic had carefully hidden I could stand it no longer and gave orders that no one was to bring brush or duster or spirit of tidiness within the place
We really must try to get you a larger room said Erica looking round How little and poky everything looks
Has Greyshot made you discontented
Only for you she replied laughing I was thinking of Mr FaneSmiths great study it seems such a pity that five foot three with few books and nothing to do should have all that space and six foot four with much work and many books be cramped up in this little room
What would you say to a move
It will be such an expensive year and theres that dreadful Mr Pogson always in the background
But if a house were given to us Wheres Tom Ive a letter here which concerns you both Do either of you remember anything about an old Mr Woodward who lived at 16 Guilford Square
Why yes Dont you remember Tom The old gentleman whose greenhouse we smashed
Rather said Tom Ive the marks of the beastly thing now
What was it Let me hear the story said Raeburn leaning back in his chair with a look of amusement flickering about his rather stern face
Why father it was years ago you were on your first tour in America I must have been about twelve and Tom fourteen We had only just settled in here you know and one unlucky Saturday we were playing in the garden at King of the Castle
Whats that asked Raeburn
Why Tom was king and I was the Republican Army and Tom was standing on the top of the wall trying to push me down He had to sing
Im the king of the castle Get down you dirty rascal
And somehow I dont know how it was instead of climbing up I pushed him backward by mistake and he went down with an awful crash into the next garden We knew it was the garden belonging to No 16 quite a large one it is for the hospital hasnt any And when at last I managed to scramble on to the wall there was Tom head downward with his feet sticking up through the roof of a greenhouse and the rest of him all among the flower pots
Raeburn laughed heartily
There was a brute of a cactus jammed against my face too said Tom How I ever got out alive was a marvel
Well what happened asked Raeburn
Why we went round to tell the No 16 people Tom waited outside because he was so frightfully cut about and I went in and saw an old old man a sort of Methusaleh who would ask my name and whether I had anything to do with you
What did you say to him
I cant remember except that I asked him to let us pay for the glass by installments and tried to assure him that secularists were not in the habit of smashing other peoples property He was a very jolly old man and of course he wouldnt let us pay for the glass though he frightened me dreadfully by muttering that he shouldnt wonder if the glass and the honesty combined cost him a pretty penny
Did you ever see him again
Not to speak to but we always nodded to each other when we passed in the square Ive not seen him for ages I thought he must be dead
He is dead said Raeburn and he has left you three hundred pounds and he has left me his furnished house with the sole proviso that I live in it
What a brick cried Tom and Erica in a breath Now fancy if we hadnt played at King of the Castle that day
And if Erica had not been such a zealous little Republican said Raeburn smiling
Why father the very greenhouse will belong to you and such a nice piece of garden Oh when can we go and see it and choose a nice room for your study
I will see Mr Woodwards executor tomorrow morning said Raeburn The sooner we move in the better for there are rocks ahead
The we refers only to you and Erica said Aunt Jean who had joined them Tom and I shall of course stay on here
Oh no auntie cried Erica in such genuine dismay that Aunt Jean was touched
I dont want you to feel at all bound to have us she said Now that the worst of the poverty is over there is no necessity for clubbing together
And after you have shared all the discomforts with us you think we should go off in such a doginthemangerish way as that cried Erica Besides it really was chiefly owing to Tom who was the one to get hurt into the bargain If you wont come I shall— she paused to think of a threat terrible enough I shall think again about living with the FaneSmiths
This led the conversation back to Greyshot and they lingered so long round the fire talking that Raeburn was for once unpunctual and kept an audience at least ten minutes waiting for him
No 16 Guilford Square proved to be much better inside than a casual passer in the street would have imagined Outside it was certainly a grimlooking house but within it was roomy and comfortable The lower rooms were wainscoted in a sort of yellowishbrown color the upper wainscoted in olivegreen There was no such thing as a wall paper in the whole house and indeed it was hard to imagine when once inside it that you were in nineteenthcentury London at all
Raeburn going over it with Erica the following evening was a little amused to think of himself domiciled in such an oldworld house Mr Woodwards housekeeper who was still taking care of the place assured them that one of the leaden pipes outside bore the date of the seventeenth century though the two last figures were so illegible that they might very possibly have stood for 1699
Erica was delighted with it all and went on private voyages of discovery while her father talked to the housekeeper taking stock of the furniture imagining how she would rearrange the rooms and planning many purchases to be made with her three hundred pounds She was singing to herself for very lightness of heart when her father called her from below She rand down again checking her inclination to sing as she remembered the old housekeeper who had but recently lost her master
Ive rather set my affections on this room said Raeburn leading her into what had formerly been the dining room
The very place where I came in fear and trembling to make my confession said Erica laughing This would make a capital study
Yes the good woman has gone to fetch an inch tape I want to measure for the book shelves How many of my books could I comfortably house in here do you think
A good many The room is high you see and those two long unbroken walls would take several hundred Ah Here is the measuring tape Now we can calculate
They were hard at work measuring when the door bell rang and Toms voice was heard in the passage asking for Raeburn
This way Tom called Erica Come and help us
But a laughing reference to the day of their childish disaster died on her lips when she caught sight of him for she knew that something was wrong Accustomed all her life to live in the region of storms she had learned to a nicety the tokens of rough weather
Hazeldine wishes to speak to you said Tom turning to Raeburn I brought him round here to save time
Oh All right said Raeburn too much absorbed in planning the arrangement of his treasures to notice the unusual graveness of Toms face Ask him in here Good evening Hazeldine You are the first to see us in our new quarters
Hazeldine bore traces of having lived from his childhood a hard but sedentary life He was undersized and narrow chested But the face was a very striking one the forehead finely developed the features clearly cut and the bright dark eyes looking out on the world with an almost defiant honesty a clearness bordering on hardness
Raeburn entirely putting aside for the time his own affairs and giving to his visitor his whole and undivided attention saw in an instant that the man was in trouble
Out of work again he asked Anything gone wrong
No sir replied Hazeldine but I came round to ask if youd seen that circular letter Twas sent me this morning by a mate of mine whos lately gone to Longstaff and he says that this Pogson is sowing them broadcast among the hands right through all the workshops in the place and in all England too for aught he knows I wouldnt so much as touch the dirty thing only I thought maybe you hadnt heard of it
Without a word Raeburn held out his hand for the printed letter Erica standing at a little distance watched the faces of the three men Tom grave yet somewhat flushed Hazeldine with a scornful glitter in his dark eyes her father Last of all she looked at him and looking learned the full gravity of this new trouble For as he read Raeburn grew white with the marble whiteness which means that intense anger has interfered with the action of the heart As he hastily perused the lines his eyes seemed to flash fire the hand which still held the measuring tape was clinched so tightly that the knuckle looked like polished ivory
Erica could not ask what was the matter but she came close to him When he had finished reading the first thing his eye fell upon was her face turned up to his with a mute appeal which in spite of the anxiety in it made her look almost like a child He shrank back as she held out her hand for the letter it was so foul a libel that it seemed intolerable to him that his own child should so much as read a line of it
What is it she asked at length speaking with difficulty
A filthy libel circulated by that liar Pogson A string of lies invented by his own evil brain Why should I keep it from you It is impossible The poisonous thing is sown broadcast through the land You are of age there read it and see how vile a Christian can be
He was writhing under the insult and was too furious to measure his words It was only when he saw Ericas brave lip quiver that he felt with remorse that he had doubled her pain
She had turned a little away from him ostensibly to be nearer to the gas but in reality that he might not see the crimson color which surged up into her face as she read Mr Pogson was as unscrupulous as fanatics invariably are With a view of warning the public and inducing them to help him in crushing the false doctrine he abhorred he had tried to stimulate them by publishing a sketch of Raeburns personal character and life drawn chiefly from his imagination or from distorted and misquoted anecdotes which had for years been bandied about among his opponents losing nothing in the process Hatred of the man Luke Raeburn was his own great stimulus and we are apt to judge others by ourselves The publication of this letter really seemed to him likely to do great good and the evil passions of hatred and bigotry had so inflamed his mind that it was perfectly easy for him to persuade himself that the statements were true Indeed he only followed with the multitude to do evil in this instance for not one in a thousand took the trouble to verify their facts or even their quotations when speaking of or quoting Raeburn The libel to put it briefly represented Raeburn as a man who had broken every one of the ten commandments
Erica read steadily on though every pulse in her beat at double time It was long before she finished it for a threefold chorus was going on in her brain Mr Pogsons libelous charges the talk between her father and Hazeldine which revealed all too plainly the harm already done to the cause of Christianity by this one unscrupulous man and her own almost despairing cry to the Unseen Oh Father How is he ever to learn to know Thee when such things as these are done in Thy name
That little sheet of paper had fallen among them like a thunderbolt
I have passed over a great deal Raeburn was saying when Erica looked up once more But I shall not pass over this Pogson shall pay dearly for it Many thanks Hazeldine for bringing me word I shall take steps about it at once
He left the room quickly and in another minute they heard the street door close behind him
That means an action for libel said Tom knitting his brows And goodness only knows what fearful work and worry for the chieftain
But good to the cause in the long run said Hazeldine And as for Mr Raeburn he only rises the higher the more they try to crush him Hes like the bird that rises out of its own ashes the phenix dont they call it
Erica smiled a little at the comparison but sadly
Dont judge Christianity by this one bad specimen she said as she shook hands with Hazeldine
How do Christians judge us Miss Erica he replied sternly
Then be more just than you think they are as generous as you would have them be
Its but a workingday world miss and Im but a workingday man I cant set up to be generous to them who treat a man as though he was the dirt in the street And if you will excuse me mentioning it miss I could wish that this shameful treatment would show to you what a delusion it is youve taken up of late
Mr Pogson can hurt me very much but not so fatally as that said Erica as much to herself as to Hazeldine
When he had gone she picked up the measure once more and turned to Tom
Help me just to finish this Tom she said We must try to move in as quickly as may be
Tom silently took the other end of the tape and they set to work again but all the enjoyment in the new house seemed quenched and destroyed by that blast of calumny They knew only too well that this was but the beginning of troubles
Raeburn remembering his hasty speech called Erica into the study the moment he heard her return He was still very pale and with a curiously rigid look about his face
I was right you see in my prophecy of rocks ahead he exclaimed throwing down his pen You have come home to a rough time Erica and to an overharassed father
The more harassed the father the more reason that he should have a child to help him said Erica sitting down on the arm of his chair and putting back the masses of white hair which hung over his forehead
Oh child he said with a sigh if I can but keep a cool head and a broad heart through the years of trouble before us
Years exclaimed Erica dismayed
This affair may drag on almost indefinitely and a personal strife is apt to be lowering
Yes said Erica musingly to be libeled does set ones back up dreadfully and to be much praised humbles one to the very dust
What will the FaneSmiths say to this Will they believe it of me
I cant tell said Erica hesitatingly
He thats evil deemed is half hanged said Raeburn bitterly Never was there a truer saying than that
Blaw the wind neer so fast it will lown at the last quoted Erica smiling Equally true PADRE MIO
Yes dear he said quietly but not in my life time You see if I let this pass the lies will be circulated and theyll say I cant contradict them If I bring an action against the fellow people will say I do it to flaunt my opinions in the face of the public As your hero Livingstone once remarked Isnt it interesting to get blamed for everything However we must make the best of it How about the new house When can we settle in I feel a longing for that study with its twentytwo feet o length for pacing
What are your engagements she asked taking up a book from the table Eleventh Newcastle 12th Nottingham 13th and 14th Plymouth Let me see that will bring you home on Monday the 15th and will leave us three clear days to get things straight that will do capitally
And youll be sure to see that the books are carefully moved said Raeburn I cant have the markers displaced
Erica laughed Her father had a habit of putting candle lighters in his books to mark places for references and the appearance of the book shelves all bristling with them had long been a family joke more especially as if a candle lighter happened to be wanted for its proper purpose there was never one to be found
I will pack them myself she said
CHAPTER XXXI Brian as Avenger
A paleness took the poets cheek
Must I drink here he seemed to seek
The ladys will with utterance meek
Ay ay she said it so must be
And this time she spake cheerfully
Behooves thee know worlds cruelty E B Browning
The trial of Luke Raeburn on the charge of having published a blasphemous libel in a pamphlet entitled Bible Miracles came on in the Court of Queens Bench early in December It excited a great deal of interest Some people hoped that the revival of an almost obsolete law would really help to check the spread of heterodox views and praised Mr Pogson for his energy and religious zeal These were chiefly wellmeaning folks not much given to the study of precedents Some people of a more liberal turn read the pamphlet in question and were surprised to see that matter quite as heterodox might be found in many highclass reviews which lay about on drawing room tables the only difference being that the articles in the reviews were written in somewhat ambiguous language by fashionable agnostics and that Bible Miracles was a plain blunt sixpenny tract avowedly written for the people by the peoples tribune
This general interest and attention once excited gave rise to the following results to an indiscriminate and wholesale condemnation of that odious Raeburn who was always seeking notoriety to an immense demand for Bible Miracles which in three months reached its fiftieth thousand and to a considerable crowd in Westminster Hall on the first day of the trial to watch the entrance and exit of the celebrities
Erica had been all day in the court She had written her article for the Daily Review in pencil during the break for luncheon but as time wore on the heated atmosphere of the place which was crammed to suffocation became intolerable to her She grew whiter and whiter began to hear the voices indistinctly and to feel as if her arms did not belong to her It would never do to faint in court and vexed as she was to leave she took the first opportunity of speaking to her father
I think I must go she whispered I cant stand this heat
Come now then said Raeburn and I can see you out This witness has nothing worth listening to Take notes for me Tom Ill be back directly
They had only just passed the door leading into Westminster Hall however when Tom sent a messenger hurrying after them An important witness had that minute been called and Raeburn who was as usual conducting his own case could not possibly miss the evidence
I can go alone said Erica Dont stop
But even in his haste Raeburn glancing at the crowd of curious faces was thoughtful for his child
No he said hurriedly Wait a moment and Ill send some one to you
She would have been wiser if she had followed him back into the court but having once escaped from the intolerable atmosphere she was not at all inclined to return to it She waited where he had left her just within Westminster Hall at the top of the steps leading from the entrance to the court The grandeur of the place its magnificent proportions terminating in the great upward sweep of steps and the mellow stained window struck her more than ever after coming from the crowded and inconvenient little court within The vaulted roof with its quaintly carved angels was for the most part dim and shadowy but here and there a ray of sunshine slanting in through the clerestory windows changed the sombre tones to a golden splendor Erica very susceptible to all high influences was more conscious of the ennobling influence of light and space and beauty than of the curious eyes which were watching her from below But all at once her attention was drawn to a group of men who stood near her and her thoughts were suddenly brought back to the hard everyday world from which for a brief moment she had escaped With a quick apprehensive glance she noted that among them was a certain Sir Algernon Wyte a man who never lost an opportunity of insulting her father
Did you see the fellow said one of the group He came to the door just now
And left his fair daughter to be a spectacle to men and angels said Sir Algernon
Then followed words so monstrous so intolerable that Erica accustomed as she was to discourtesies broke down altogether It was so heartless so cruelly false and she was so perfectly defenseless A wave of burning color swept over her face If she could but have gone away have hidden herself from those cruel eyes But her knees trembled so fearfully that had she tried to move she must have fallen Sick and giddy the flights of steps looked to her like a precipice She could only lean for support against the graystone moldings of the door way while tears which for once she could not restrain rushed to her eyes Oh If Tom or the professor or some one would but come to her Such moments as those are not measured by earthly time the misery seemed to her agelong though it was in reality brief enough for Brian coming into Westminster Hall had actually heard Sir Algernons shameful slander and pushing his way through the crowd was beside her almost immediately
The sight of his face checked her tears It positively frightened her by its restrained yet intense passion
Miss Raeburn he said in a clear distinct voice plainly heard by the group below this is not a fit place for you Let me take you home
He spoke much more formally than was his wont yet in his actions he used a sort of authority drawing her hand within his arm leading her rapidly through the crowd which opened before them For that one bittersweet moment she belonged to him He was her sole and therefore her rightful protector A minute more and they stood in Palace Yard He hastily called a hansom
In the pause she looked up at him and would have spoken her thanks but something in his manner checked her He had treated her so exactly as if she belonged to him that to thank him seemed almost as absurd as it would have done to thank her father Then a sudden fear made her say instead
Are you coming home
I will come to see that you are safely back presently he said in a voice unlike his own But I must see that man first
No no she said beginning to tremble again Dont go back Please please dont go
I must he said putting her into the hansom Then speaking very gently Dont be afraid I will be with you almost directly
He closed the doors gave the address to the driver and turned away
Erica was conscious of a vague relief as the fresh winter wind blew upon her She shut her eyes that she might not see the passersby only longing to get away right away somewhere beyond the reach of staring eyes and cruel tongues One evening years ago she remembered coming out of St Jamess Hall with Tom and having heard a woman in Regent Street insulted in precisely the same language that had been used to her today She remembered how the shrill passionate cry had rung down the street How dare you insult me And remembered too how she had wondered whether perfect innocence would have been able to give that retort She knew now that her surmise had been correct The insult had struck her dumb for the time Even now as the words returned to her with a pain intolerable her tears rained down It seemed to her that for once she could no more help crying than she could have helped bleeding when cut
Then once more her thoughts returned to Brian with a warmth of gratitude which in itself relieved her He was a man worth knowing a friend worth having Yet how awful his face had looked as he came toward her Only once in her whole life had she seen such a look on a mans face She had seen it in her childhood on her fathers face when he had first heard of a shameful libel which affected those nearest and dearest to him She had been far too young to understand the meaning of it but she well remembered that silent consuming wrath she remembered running away by herself with the sort of halffearful delight of a childs new discovery Now I know how men look when they KILL
All at once in the light of that old recollection the truth dashed upon her She smiled through her tears a soft glow stole over her face a warmth found its way to her aching heart For at last the love of seven years had found its way to her
She felt all in a glad tumult as that perception came to her It had in truth been an afternoon of revelations She had never until now in the least understood Brians character never in the least appreciated him And as to dreaming that his friendship had been love from the very first it had never occurred to her
The revelation did not bring her unalloyed happiness for there came a sharp pang as she recollected what he had gone back to do What if he should get into trouble on her behalf What if he should be hurt Accustomed always to fear for her father actual physical injury her thoughts at once flew to the same danger for Brian But however sick with anxiety she was obliged on reaching home to try and copy out her article which must be in type and upon thousands of breakfast tables by the next morning whether her heart ached or not whether her life were rough or smooth
In the meantime Brian having watched her cab drive off turned back into Westminster Hall He could see nothing but the one vision which filled his brain the face of the girl he loved a lovely pure face suffused with tears He could hear nothing but that intolerable slander which filled his heart with a burning raging indignation Straight as an arrow and as if by instinct he made his way to the place where Sir Algernon and three or four companions were pacing to and fro He confronted them bringing their walk to an enforced pause
I am here to demand an apology for the words you spoke just now about Miss Raeburn he said speaking in a voice which was none the less impressive because it trembled slightly as with a wrath restrained only by a great effort
Sir Algernon a florid lighthaired man of about thirty coolly stared at him for a moment
Who may you be sir who take up the cudgels so warmly in Miss Raeburns defense
A man who will not hear a defenseless girl insulted said Brian his voice rising Apologize
Defenseless girl repeated the other in a tone so insufferable that Brians passion leaped up like wild fire
You vile blackguard he cried what you said was an infernal lie and if you dont retract it this moment Ill thrash you within an inch of your life
Sir Algernon laughed and shrugged his shoulders
Pon my life he exclaimed turning to one of his companions if Id know that Miss Raeburn—
But the sentence was never ended for with a look of fury Brian sprung at him seized him by the collar of his coat and holding him like a vise with one hand with the other brought down his cane upon the slanderers shoulders with such energy that the wretch writhed beneath it
The onlookers being gentlemen and fully aware that Sir Algernon deserved all he was getting stood by not offering to interfere perhaps in their hearts rather sympathizing with the stranger whose righteous indignation had about it a manliness that appealed to them Presently Sir Algernon ceased to kick his struggles grew fainter Brian let his right arm pause then and with his left flung his foe into the corner as if he had been a mere chattel
There he exclaimed summons me for that when you please And handing his card to one of Sir Algernons companions he strode out of the hall
By the time he reached Guilford Square he was almost himself again a little paler than usual but outwardly quite calm He went at once to No 16 The Raeburns had now been settled in their new quarters for some weeks and the house was familiar enough to him he went up to the drawing room or as it was usually called the green room The gas was not lighted but a little reading lamp stood upon a table in one of the windows and the fire light made the paneled walls shine here and there though the corners and recesses were all in dusky shadow Erica had made this the most homelike room in the house it had the most beguiling easy chairs it had all Mr Woodwards best pictures it had fascinating little tables and a tempting set of books There was something in the sight of the familiar room which made Brians wrath flame up once more Ericas guileless life seemed to rise before him the years of patient study the beautiful filial love the pathetic endeavor to restrain her childlike impatience of conventionalities lest scandalmongers should have even a shadow of excuse for slandering Luke Raeburns daughter The brutality of the insult struck him more than ever Erica glancing up from her writing table saw that his face again bore that look of intolerable pain which had so greatly startled her in Westminster Hall
She had more than half dreaded his arrival had been wondering how they should meet after the strange revelation of the afternoon had been thinking of the most trite and commonplace remark with which she might greet him But when it actually came to the point she could not say a word only looked up at him with eyes full of anxious questioning
It is all right he said answering the mute question a great joy thrilling him as he saw that she had been anxious about him You should not have been afraid
I couldnt help it she said coloring he is such a hateful man A man who might do anything Tell me what happened
I gave him a thrashing which hell not soon forget said Brian But dont let us speak of him any more
Perhaps hell summons you said Erica
He wont dare to He knows that he deserved it What are you writing You ought to be resting
Only copying out my article The boy will be here before long
I am your doctor he said feeling her pulse and again assuming his authoritative manner I shall order you to rest on your couch at once I will copy this for you What is it on
Cremation said Erica smiling a little A nice funereal subject for a dreary day Generally if Im in wild spirits Mr Bircham sends me the very gloomiest subject to write on and if Im particularly blue he asks for a bright lively article
Oh He tells you what to write on
Yes did you think I had the luxury of choosing for myself Every day about eleven oclock a small boy brings me my fate on a slip of paper Let me dictate this to you Im sure you cant read that penciled scribble
Yes I can said Brian You go and rest
She obeyed him thankful enough to have a moments pause in which to think out the questions that came crowding into her mind She hardly dared to think what Brian might be to her for just now she needed him so sorely as friend and adviser that to admit that other perception which made her feel shy and constrained with him would have left her still in her isolation After all he was a seven years friend no mere acquaintance but an actual friend to whom she was her unreserved and perfectly natural self
Brian she said presently when he had finished her copying you dont think Im bound to tell my father about this afternoon do you
A burning painful blush the sort of blush that she never ought to have known never could have known but for that shameful slander spread over her face and neck as she spoke
Perhaps not said Brian since the man has been properly punished
I think I hope it need never get round to him in any other way said Erica He would be so fearfully angry and just now scarcely a day passes without bringing him some fresh worry
When will the Pogson affair come on
Oh I dont know Not just yet Im afraid Things in the legal world always move at the rate of a fly in a glue pot
What sort of man is Mr Pogson
He was in court today a little sleek narrowheaded man with cold gray eyes I have been trying to put myself in his place and realize the view he takes of things but it is very very hard You dont know what it is to live in this house and see the awful harm his intolerance is bringing about
In what way did you specially mean
Oh In a thousand ways It is bringing Christianity into discredit it is making them more bitter against it and who can wonder It is bringing hundreds of men to atheism it is enormously increasing the demand for all my fathers books and already even in these few months it has doubled the sale of the IdolBreakers In old times that would have been my consolation Oh It is heartbreaking to see how religious people injure their own cause Surely they might have learned by this time that punishment for opinion is never right that it brings only bitterness and misery and more error How is one to believe that this is right that God means all this bigotry and injustice to go on producing evil
Surely it will teach the sharp lesson that all pain teaches said Brian We Christians have broken His order have lost the true idea of brotherly love and from this arises pain and evil which at last when it touches our own selfish natures will rouse us wake us up sharply drive us back of necessity to the true Christfollowing Then persecution and injustice will die But we are so terribly asleep that the evil must grow desperate before we become conscious of it It seems to me that bigotry has at least one mortal foe though You are always here you must show them by your life what the Father is THAT is being a Christian
I know said Erica a look of almost passionate longing dawning in her eyes Oh What a thing it is to be crammed full of faults that hinder one from serving And all these worries do try ones temper fearfully If they had but a Donovan to live with them now But as for me I cant do much except love them
Brian loved her too truly to speak words of praise and commendation at such a time
Is not the love the crux of the whole he said quietly
I suppose it is said Erica pushing back her hair from her forehead in the way she always did when anything perplexed her But just at present my life is a sort of fugue on Brownings line
How very hard it is to be a Christian
Sometimes I cant help laughing to think that there was a time when I thought the teaching of Christ unpractical Do you mind ringing the bell for me the others will be in directly and will be glad of tea after that headachy place
Is there nothing else I can do for you asked Brian
Yes one thing more help me to remember the levers of the second order Its my physiology class tonight and I feel as Tom would express it like a boiled owl
Let me take the class for you
Oh no thank you she replied I wouldnt miss it for the world
It was not till Brian had left that Erica taking up the article on cremation was struck by some resemblance in the handwriting She must have seen Brians writing before but only this afternoon did she make that fresh discovery Crossing the room she took from one of the book shelves a dark blue morocco volume and compared the writing on the fly leaf with her MS
From another admirer of Hiawatha There could be no doubt that Brian had written that Had he cared for her so long Had he indeed loved her all these years She was interrupted by the maid bringing in the tea
Mr Birchams boy is here miss and if you please can cook speak to you a minute
Erica put down the Longfellow and rolled up Cremation
Im sure shes going to give warning she thought to herself What a day to choose for it Thats what I call an anticlimax
Her forebodings proved all too true In a minute more in walked the cook with the sort of conscious dignity of bearing which means I am no longer in your service
If you please miss I wish to leave this day month
I shall be sorry to lose you said Erica what are your reasons for leaving
Ive not been used miss to families as is in the law courts Ive been used to the best West End private families
I dont see how it can affect you said Erica feeling in spite of her annoyance much inclined to laugh
Indeed miss and it do Theres not a tradesmans boy but has his joke or his word about Mr Raeburn said the cook in an injured voice And last Sunday when I went to the minister to show my lines he said a member ought to be ashamed to take service with a hatheist and that I was in an ouse of ell Those was his very words miss an ouse of ell he said
Then it was exceedingly impertinent of him said Erica for he knew nothing whatever about it
After that there was nothing for it but to accept the resignation and to begin once more the weary search for that rara avis a good plain cook
Her interview had only just ended when she heard the front door open
She listened intently but apparently it was only Tom he came upstairs
singing a refrain with which just then she quite agreed
LAW law Rhymes very well with jaw
If youre fond of litigation
And sweet procrastination
Latin and botheration
I advise you to go to law
Halloo he exclaimed So you did get home all right I like your way of acting Casabianca The chieftain sent me tearing out after you and when I got there you had vanished
Brian came up just then said Erica and I thought it better not to wait Oh here comes father
Raeburn entered as she spoke No one who saw him would have guessed that he was an overworked overworried man for his face was a singularly peaceful one serene with the serenity of a strong nature convinced of its own integrity
Got some tea for us Eric he asked throwing himself back in a chair beside the fire
Some shade of trouble in her face invisible to any eye but that of a parent made him watch her intently while a new hope which made his heart beat more quickly sprang up within him Christians had not shown up well that day prosecuting and persecuting Christians are the most repulsive beings on earth Did she begin to feel a flaw in the system she had professed belief in Might she by this injustice come to realize that she had unconsciously cheated herself into a belief If such things might win her back to him might bridge over that miserable gulf between them then welcome any trouble any persecution welcome even ruin itself
But had he been able to see into Ericas heart he would have learned that the grief which had left its traces on her face was the grief of knowing that such days as these strengthened and confirmed him in his atheism Erica was indeed ever confronted with one of the most baffling of all baffling mysteries How was it that a man of such grand capacities a man with so many noble qualities yet remained in the darkness One day she put that question sadly enough to Charles Osmond
Not darkness child none of your honest secularists who live up to their creed are in darkness he replied However mistakenly they do try to promote what they consider the general good Were you in such absolute blackness before last summer
There was the love of Humanity said Erica musingly
Yes and what is that but a ray of the light of life promised to all who to any extent follow Christ It is only the absolutely selfish who are in the black shadow The honest atheist is in the penumbra and in his twilight sees a little bit of the true sun though he calls it Humanity instead of Christ
Oh if the shadows would but go exclaimed Erica
Would he said laughing gently Why child they will they must
But now I mean Here down as Mazzini would have said
You were ever an impatient little mortal
How can one help being impatient for this she said with a quick sigh
That is what I used to say myself seven years ago over you he said smiling But I learned that the Father knew best and that if we would work with Him we must wait with Him too You musnt waste your strength in impatience child you need every bit of it for the life before you
But patience did not come by nature to a Raeburn and Erica did not gain it in a day even by grace
CHAPTER XXXII Fiesole
And yet because I love thee I obtain
From that same love this vindicating grace
To live on still in love and yet in vain
To bless thee yet renounce thee to thy face E B Browning
Much has been said and written about the monotony of unalloyed pleasure and the necessity of shadows and dark places in life as well as in pictured landscape And certainly there can be but few in this world of stern realities who would dispute the fact that pleasure is doubled by its contrast with preceding pain Perhaps it was the vividness of this contrast that made Raeburn and Erica enjoy with a perfect rapture of enjoyment a beautiful view and a beautiful spring day in Italy Behind them lay a very sombre past they had escaped for a brief moment from the atmosphere of strife from the world of controversy from the scorching breath of slander from the baleful influences of persecution and injustice Before them lay the fairest of all the cities of Italy They were sitting in the Boboli gardens and from wooded heights looked down upon that loveliest of Italian valleys
The silver Arno wound its way between the green encircling hills then between the old houses of Florence its waters spanned now by a light suspension bridge token of modern times now by old brown arches strengthened and restored now by the most venerable looking of all the bridges the Ponte Vecchio with its double row of little shops Into the cloudless blue sky rose the pinnacles of Santa Croce the domes of San Spirito of the Baptistery of the Cathedral sharply defined in the clear atmosphere were the airy light Campanile of Giotto the more slender brown tower of the Palazzo Vecchio the spire of Santa Maria Novella Northward beyond the city rose the heights of Fiesole and to the east the green hills dotted all over with white houses swept away into the unseen distance
Raeburn had been selected as the English delegate to attend a certain political gathering held that year at Florence He had at first hesitated to accept the post for his work at home had enormously increased but the long months of wearing anxiety had so told upon him that his friends had at length persuaded him to go fully aware that the only chance of inducing him to take any rest was to get him out of the region of work
The Miracles trial was at length over but Mr Pogson had not obtained the desire of his heart namely the imprisonment and fining of Luke Raeburn The only results of the trial were the extensive advertisement of the pamphlet in question a great increase of bitterness on each side and a great waste of money Ericas sole consolation lay in the fact that a few of the more liberal thinkers were beginning to see the evil and to agitate for a repeal of the Blasphemy Laws As for the action for libel there was no chance of its coming on before June and in the meantime Mr Pogsons letter was obtaining a wider circulation and perhaps on the whole Luke Raeburn was just at that time the bestabused man in all England
There had been a long silence between the father and daughter who understood each other far too well to need many words at such a time but at length a sudden ejaculation from Raeburn made Erica turn her eye from Fiesole to the shady walk in the garden down which he was looking
Does any Italian walk at such a pace he exclaimed That must surely be Brian Osmond or his double in the shape of an English tourist
Oh impossible said Erica coloring a little and looking intently at the pedestrian who was still at some little distance
But it is said Raeburn height way of walking everything My dear Eric dont tell me I cant recognize the man who saved my life I should know him a mile off
What can have brought him here said Erica a certain joyous tumult in her heart checked by the dread of evil tidings a dread which was but natural to one who had lived her life
Come and meet him said Raeburn Ha Brian I recognized you ever so far off and couldnt persuade this child of your identity
Brian a little flushed with quick walking looked into Ericas face searchingly and was satisfied with what he read there satisfied with the soft glow of color that came to her cheeks and with the bright look of happiness that came into her eyes which as a rule were grave and when in repose even sad in expression
I owe this to a most considerate patient who thought fit to be taken ill at Genoa and to telegraph for me he said in explanation and being in Italy I thought I might as well take my yearly outing now
Capital idea said Raeburn You are the very man we wanted What with the meetings and interviews I dont get much peace even here and Erica is much in need of an escort sometimes How did you find us
They told me at the hotel that I should probably find you here though if I had known what a wilderness of a place it is I should have been rather hopeless
Erica left most of the talking to her father just then she felt no wish to put a single thought into words She wanted only to enjoy the blissful dreamlike happiness which was so new and rare and wonderful that it brought with it the feeling that any very definite thought or word must bring it to an end Perfect harmony with your surroundings Yes that was indeed a very true definition of happiness and of late the surroundings had been so grim and stormy She seemed to tread upon air as they roamed about the lovely walks The long green vistas were to her a veritable paradise Her father looked so happy too and had so entirely shaken off his cares and Brian who was usually rather silent seemed today a perfect fountain of talk
Since that December day in Westminster Hall a great change had come over Erica Not a soul besides Brian and herself knew anything about the scene with Sir Algernon Wyte Not a word had passed between them since upon the subject but perhaps because of the silence that day was all the more in the thoughts of each The revelation of Brians love revealed also to Erica much in his character which had hitherto perplexed her simply because she had not seen it in the true light There had always been about him a wistfulness bordering on sadness which had sometimes almost angered her For so little do even intimate friends know each other that lives which seem all peaceful and full of everything calculated to bring happiness are often the ones which are preyed upon by some grievous trouble or anxiety unknown to any outsider If he had indeed loved her all those seven years he must have suffered fearfully What the suffering had been Erica could from her present position understand well enough The thought of it touched her inexpressibly seemed to her as indeed it was the shadow of that Divine Love which had loved her eternally had waited for her through long years had served her and shielded her though she never recognized its existence till at length in one flash of light the revelation had come to her and she had learned the glory of Love the murky gloom of those past misunderstandings
Those were wonderful days that they spent together at Florence the sort of days that come but once in a life time for the joy of dawn is quite distinct from the bright noon day or the calm evening distinct too from that second and grander dawn which awaits us in the Unseen when the night of life is over Together they wandered through the long corridors of the Uffizzi together they returned again and again to the Tribune or traversed that interminable passage across the river which leads to the Pitti Gallery or roamed about among the old squares and palaces which are haunted by so many memories And every day Brian meant to speak but could not because the peace and restfulness and glamour of the present was so perfect and perhaps because unconsciously he felt that these were halcyon days
On Sunday he made up his mind that he certainly would speak before the day was over He went with Erica to see the old monastery of San Marco before morning service at the English church But though they were alone together he could not bring himself to speak there They wandered from cell to cell looking at those wonderful frescoes of the Crucifixion in each of which Fra Angelico seemed to gain some fresh thought some new view of his inexhaustible subject And Brian watching Erica thought how that old master would have delighted in the pure face and perfect coloring in the short auburn hair which was in itself a halo but could not somehow just then draw her thoughts away from the frescoes Together they stood in the little cells occupied once by Savonarola looked at the strange stern face which Bastianini chiseled so effectively stood by the old wooden desk where Savonarola had written and read saying very little to one another but each conscious that the silence was one of perfect understanding and sympathy Then came the service in a hideous church which yet seemed beautiful to them with indifferent singing which was somehow sweeter to them than the singing of a trained choir elsewhere
But on returning to the hotel Brian found that his chances for that day were over for all the afternoon Erica had to receive a constant succession of visitors who as she said turned her father for the time being into the British lion In the evening too when they walked in the Cascine they were no longer alone Raeburn went with then and as they paced along the broad avenue with the Arno gleaming through the fresh green of the trees talking of the discussions of the past week he inadvertently touched the note of pain in an otherwise cloudless day
The work is practically over now he said But I think I must take a day or two to see a little of Florence I must be at Salsburg to meet Hasenbalg by Wednesday week Can you be ready to leave here on Wednesday Eric
Oh yes father she said without hesitation or comment but with something in her voice which told Brian that she too felt a pang of regret at the thought that their days in that city of golden dreams were so soon to be ended
The Monday morning however proved so perfect a day that it dispelled the shadow that had fallen on them Raeburn wished to go to Fiesole and early in the morning Brian having secured a carriage and settled the terms with the craftylooking Italian driver they set off together The sunny streets looked sunnier than ever the Tornabuoni was as usual lively and bustling the flower market at the base of the Palazza Strozzi was gay with pinks and carnations and early roses They drove out of the city passed innumerable villas out into the open country where the only blot upon the fair landscape was a funeral train the coffin borne by those gruesome beings the Brothers of the Misericordia with their black robes and black face cloths pierced only with holes for the eyes
Is it necessary to make death so repulsive said Raeburn Our own black hearses are bad enough but upon my word I should be sorry to be carried to my grave by such grim beings
He took off his hat however as they passed and that not merely out of deference to the custom of the country but because of the deep reverence with which he invariably regarded the dead a reverence which in his own country was marked by the involuntary softening of his voice when he alluded to the death of others the token of a nature which though strangely twisted was in truth deeply reverential
Then began the long ascent the road as usual being lined with beggars who importunately followed the carriage while no sooner had they reached the village itself than they were besieged by at least a dozen women selling the straw baskets which are the specialty of Fiesole
Ecco signor Ecco signorina Vary sheep Vary sheep resounded on all sides each vendor thrusting her wares forward so that progress was impossible
What a plague this is said Raeburn Theyll never leave you in peace Erica they are too well used to the soft hearted signorina Inglese
Well then I shall leave you to settle them said Erica laughing and see if I cant sketch a little in the amphitheatre They cant torment us there because there is an entrance fee
All right and I will try this birds eye view of Florence said Raeburn establishing himself upon the seat which stands on the verge of the hill looking southward He was very fond of making penandink sketches and by his determined though perfectly courteous manner he at last succeeded in dismissing the basket women
Erica and Brian in the meantime walked down the steep little path which leads back to the village on their way encountering a second procession of Brothers bearing a coffin In a few minutes they had found their way to a quiet garden at the remote end of which far from the houses of Fiesole and sheltered on all sides by the green Apennines was an old Roman amphitheatre Grass and flowers had sprung up now on the arena where in olden times had been fearful struggles between men and beasts Wild roses and honeysuckle drooped over the gray old building and in between the great blocks of stone which formed the tiers of seats for the spectators sprung the yellow celandine and the white star of Bethlehem
Erica sat down upon one of the stony seats and began to sketch the outline of the hills and roughly to draw in the foreground the further side of the amphitheatre and broken column which lay in the middle
Would you mind fetching me some water she said to Brian
There was a little trickling stream close by half hidden by bramble bushes Brian filled her glass and watched her brush as she washed in the sky
Is that too blue do you think she asked glancing up at him with one of her bright looks
Nothing could be too deep for such a sky as this he replied half absently Then with a sudden change of tone Erica do you remember the first day you spoke to me
Under murky London skies very unlike these she said laughing a little but nervously You mean the day when our umbrellas collided
You mustnt abuse the murky skies said Brian smiling If the sun had been shining the collision would never have occurred Oh Erica What a life time it seems since that day in Gower Street I little thought then that I should have to wait more than seven years to tell you of my love or that at last I should tell you in a Roman amphitheatre under these blue skies Erica I think you have known it of late Have you my darling Have you known how I loved you
Yes she said looking down at her sketch book with glowing cheeks
Oh If you knew what a paradise of hope you opened to me that day last December and how different life has been ever since Those were gray years Erica when I dared not even hope to gain your love But lately darling I have hoped Was I wrong
No she said with a little quiver in her voice
You will love me
She looked up at him for a moment in silence a glorious light in her eyes her whole face radiant with joy
I do love you she said softly
He drew nearer to her held both her hands in his waiting only for the promise which would make her indeed his own
Will you be my wife darling
But the words had scarcely passed his lips when a look of anguish swept over Ericas face she snatched away her hands
Oh God help me she cried What have I done Ive been living in a dream Its impossible Brian Impossible
A gray look came over Brians face
How impossible he asked in a choked voice
I cant leave home she said clasping her hands tightly together I never can leave my father
I will wait said Brian recovering his voice I will wait any time for you only give me hope
I cant she sobbed I darent
But you have given it me he exclaimed You have said you loved me
I do I do she cried passionately But oh Brian Have pity on me dont make me say it again I must not think of it I can never be your wife
Her words were broken with sobs which she could not restrain
My darling he said growing calm and strong again at the sight of her agitation and once more possessing himself of her hand you have had a great many troubles lately and I can quite understand that just now you could not leave your father But I will wait till less troubled times then surely you will come to me
No she said quickly as if not daring to pause It will always be the same there never will be quiet times for us I cant leave my father It isnt as if he had other children I am the only one and must stay
Is this then to be the end of it all cried Brian My darling you can not be so cruel to me It can not be the end there is no end to love and we know that we love each other Erica give me some future to look to some hope
The terrible pain expressed in every line of his face wrung her heart
Oh wait she exclaimed Give me one moment to think
She buried her face in her hands shutting out the sunny Italian landscape the very beauty of which seemed to weaken her powers of endurance Truly she had been living lately in a golden dream and the waking was anguish Oh if she had but realized before the meaning of it all then she would have hidden her love so that he never would have guessed it She would have been to him the Erica of a year ago just a friend and nothing more But now she must give him the worst of pain perhaps ruin his whole life If she might but give him some promise What was the right How were love and duty to be reconciled
As she sat crouched up in her misery fighting the hardest battle of her life the bell in the campanile of the village church began to ring It was twelve oclock All through the land in remembrance of the hour when the true meaning of love and sacrifice was revealed to the human race there swept now the music of church bells bidding the people to pause in their work and pray Many a peasant raised his thoughts for a moment from sordid cares or hard labor and realized that there was an unseen world And here in the Roman amphitheatre where a conflict more painful than those physical conflicts of old time was going on a soul prayed in agony for the wisdom to see the right and the strength to do it
When at length Erica lifted her face she found that Brian was no longer beside her he was pacing to and fro in the arena waiting had grown unbearable to him She went down to him moving neither quickly nor hurriedly but at the steady right onward pace which suited her whole aspect
Brian she said in a low voice do you remember telling me that day that I must try to show them what the Father is You must help me now not hinder You will help me just because you do indeed love me
You will give me no promise even for the most distant future
I cant she replied faltering a little as she saw him turn deadly white If there were any engagement between us I should have to tell my father of it and that would only make our trouble his and defeat my whole object Oh Brian forgive me and just leave me I can have given you nothing but pain all these years Dont let me spoil your whole life
His face caught something of the noble purpose which made hers shine in spite of the sadness
Darling he said quickly I can thank God for you though you are never to be mine God bless you Erica
There was a moments pause he still kept her hands in his
Tell your father Ive gone for a walk over to those hills that I shall not be home till evening He felt her hands tremble and knew that he only tortured her by staying Will you kiss me once Erica he said
She lifted a pale steadfast face and quivering lips to his and after that one long embrace they parted When he turned away Erica stood quite still for a minute in the arena listening to his retreating footsteps Her heart which had throbbed painfully seemed now only to echo his steps to beat more faintly as they grew less audible At last came silence and then she crept up to the place where she had left her sketch book and paint box
The whole world seemed sliding away aching desolation overwhelmed her Brians face with its passion and pain rose before her dry burning eyes Then darkness came blotting out the sunshine the little stream trickling into its stony basin seemed to grow into a roaring cataract the waters to rush into her ears with a horrid gurgling while the stones of the amphitheatre seemed to change into blocks of ice and to freeze her as she lay
A few minutes later she gasped her way painfully back to life All was very peaceful now the water fell with its soft tinkling sound there was a low hum of insects beside her stony pillow grew some stars of Bethlehem and in between their delicate white and green she could see the arena and the tiers of seats opposite and out beyond the green encircling hills Golden sunshine lighted up the dark pines and spirelike cypresses in the distance there was an olive garden its soft graygreen foliage touched into silvery brightness
The beauty of the scene which in her struggle had seemed to weaken and unnerve her stole now into her heart and comforted her and all the time there rang in her ears the message that the bells had brought her Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross
Taking a siesta said a voice above her She looked up and saw her father
Ive rather a headache she replied
Enough to give you one my child to lie there in the sun without an umbrella he said putting up his own to shelter her Such a May noonday in Italy might give you a sunstroke What was your doctor thinking of to allow it
Brian Oh he has gone over to those hills we are not to wait for him he wanted a walk
Quite right said Raeburn I dont think he ought to waste his holiday in Italian cities he wants fresh air and exercise after his London life Wheres your handkerchief
He took it to the little stream put aside the overhanging bushes dipped it in the water and bringing it back laid it on her burning forehead
How you spoil me PADRE MIO she said with a little laugh that was sadder than tears and as she spoke she slipped down to a lower step and rested her head on his knee drawing down one of his strong hands to shade her eyes He talked of his sketch of his wordskirmish with the basket women of the view from the amphitheatre but she did not much hear what he said she was looking at the hand that shaded her eyes That strong hand which had toiled for her when she was a helpless baby the hand to which she had clung when every out her support had been wrenched away by death the hand which she had held in hers when she thought he was dying and the children had sung of Lifes long day and deaths dark night
All at once she drew it down and pressed it to her lips with a childs loving reverence Then she sat up with a sudden return of energy
There now let us go home she exclaimed My head aches a little still but we wont let it spoil our last day but one in Florence Didnt we talk of San Miniato for this afternoon
It was something of a relief to find on returning an invitation to dinner for that evening which Raeburn could not well refuse Erica kept up bravely through the afternoon but when she was once more alone her physical powers gave way She was lying on her bed sick and faint and weary and with the peculiarly desolate feeling which comes to most people when they are ill in a hotel with all the unheeding bustle going on around them Then came a knock at her door
Entrate she said quickly welcoming any fresh voice which would divert her mind from the weary longing for her mother A sort of wild hope sprung up within her that some woman friend would be sent to her that Gladys Farrant or old Mrs Osmond or her secularist friend Mrs MacNaughton whom she loved best of all would suddenly find themselves in Florence and come to her in her need
There entered a tall overworked waiter He looked first at her then at the note in his hand spelling out the direction with a puzzled face
Mess Rabi Rabi Rabi Rabi an he asked hesitatingly
Grazie she replied almost snatching it from him The color rushed to her cheeks as she saw the writing was Brians and the instant the waiter had closed the door she tore open the envelope with trembling hands
It was a last appeal written after he had returned from wandering among the Apennines worn out in body and shaken from the noble fortitude of the morning The strong passionate words woke an answering thrill in Ericas heart He asked her to think it all over once more he had gone away too hastily If she could change her mind could see any possible hope for the future would she write to him If he heard nothing from her he would understand what the silence meant This was in brief the substance of the letter but the words had a passionate unrestrained intensity which showed they had been written by a man of strong nature overwrought by suffering and excitement
He was here in the very hotel Might she not write to him Might she not send him some sort of message write just a word of indefinite hope which would comfort and relieve herself as well as him If I do not hear from you I shall understand what your silence means Ah But would he understand What had she said this morning to him Scarcely anything the merest broken bits of sentences the poorest coldest confession of love
Her writing case lay open on the table beside the bed with an unfinished letter to Aunt Jean begun before they had started for Fiesole She snatched up paper and pen and trembling so much that she could scarcely support herself she wrote two brief lines
Darling I love you and always must love you first and best
Then she lay back again exhausted looking at the poor little weak words which would not contain a thousandth part of the love in heart Yet though the words were true would they perhaps convey a wrong meaning to him Ought she to send them On the other hand would he indeed understand the silence the silence which seemed now intolerable to her She folded the note and directed it the tumult in her heart growing wilder as she did so Once more there raged the battle which she had fought in the amphitheatre that morning and she was not so strong now she was weakened by physical pain and to endure was far harder It seemed to her that her whole life would be unbearable if she did not send him that message And to send it was so fatally easy she had merely to ring and then in a few minutes the note would be in his hands
It was a little narrow slip of a room all her life long she could vividly recall it The single bed pushed close to the wall the writing table with its gaypatterned cloth the hanging wardrobe with glass doors the walls trellised with roses and on the ceiling a painting of some white swans eternally swimming in an ultramarine lake The window unshuttered but veiled by muslin curtains looked out upon the Arno from her bed she could see the lights on the further bank On the wall close beside her was a little round wooden projection If it had been a rattlesnake she could not have gazed at it more fixedly Then she looked at the printed card above and the words written in French and English German and Italian seemed to fall mechanically on her brain though burning thoughts seethed there too
Ring once for hot water twice for the chamber maid three times for the waiter
Merely to touch that ivory knob and then by the lightest pressure of the finger tips a whole world of love and happiness and rest might open for her and life would be changed forever
Again and again she was on the point of yielding but each time she resisted and each resistance made her stronger At length with a fearful effort she turned her face away and buried it in the pillow clinging with all her might to the ironwork of the bed
For at least an hour the most frightful hour of her life she did not dare to stir At last when her hands were stiff and sore with that rigid grasping when it seemed as if her heart had been wrenched out of her and had left nothing but an aching void she sat up and tore both Brians note and her reply into a thousand pieces then in a weary lifeless way made her preparations for the night
But sleep was impossible The struggle was over forever but the pain was but just begun and she was still a young girl with the best part of her life stretching out before her She did not toss about restlessly but lay very still just enduring her misery while all the everyday sounds came to her from without laughter in the next room from two talkative American girls doors opening and shutting boots thrown down electric bells rung presently her fathers step and voice
Has Miss Raeburn been up long
Sairtenlee sair yes replied the Englishspeaking waiter The signorina sleeps doubtless
Then came a pause and in another minute her fathers door was closed and locked
Noisy parties of men shouting out some chorus sung at one of the theatres passed along the Lung Arno and twanging mandolins wandered up and down in the moonlight The sound of that harshest and most jarring of all musical instruments was every after hateful to her She could not hear one played without a shudder
Slowly and wearily the night wore on Sometimes she stole to the window and looked out on the sleeping city on the peaceful Arno which was bathed in silvery moonlight and on the old irregular houses thinking what struggles and agonies this place had witnessed in past times and realizing what an infinitesimal bit of the worlds sufferings she was called to bear Sometimes she lighted a candle and read sometimes prayed but for the most part just lay still silently enduring learning though she did not think it the true meaning of pain
Somewhat later than usual she joined her father the next morning in the coffee room
Brian tells me he is off today was Raeburns greeting It seems that he must see that patient at Genoa again and he wants to get a clear fortnight in Switzerland
Is it nor rather early for Switzerland
I should have thought so but he knows more about it than I do He has written to try to persuade your friend Mr Farrant to join him in the Whitsuntide recess
Oh I am glad of that said Erica greatly relieved
Directly after breakfast she went out with her father going first of all to Frenchs bank where Raeburn had to change a circular note
It is upstairs he said as they reached the house Dont you trouble to come up youll have stairs enough presently at the Uffizzi
Very well she replied I will wait for you here
She stood in the doorway looking out thoughtfully at the busy Tornabuoni and its gay shops but in a minute a step she knew sounded on the staircase and the color rushed to her cheeks
I have just said goodbye to your father said Brian I am leaving Florence this morning You must forgive me for having written last night I ought not to have done it and I understood your silence
He spoke calmly in the repressed voice of a man who holds passion in a leash Erica was thankful to have the last sight of him thus calm and strong and selfrestrained It was a nobler side of love than that which had inspired his letter nobler because freer from thought of self
I am so glad you will have Donovan she said Goodbye
He took her hand in his pressed it and turned away without a word
CHAPTER XXXIII Right Onward
Therefore my Hope arose
From out her swound and gazed upon Thy face
And meeting there that soft subduing look
Which Peters spirit shook
Sunk downward in a rapture to embrace
Thy pierced hands and feet with kisses close
And prayed Thee to assist her evermore
To reach the things before E B Browning
Im really thankful it is the last time I shall have to get this abominable paper money said Raeburn coming down the stairs Just count these twos and fives for me dear fifteen of each there should be
At that moment Brian had just passed the tall white column disappearing into the street which leads to the Borgo Ogni Santi Erica turned to begin her new chapter of life heavily handicapped in the race for once more that deadly faintness crept over her a numbing stifling pressure as if Pain in physical form had seized her heart in his cold clasp But with all her strength she fought against it forcing herself to count the hateful little bits of paper and thankful that her father was too much taken up with the arrangement of his purse to notice her
I am glad we happened to meet Brian he remarked he goes by an earlier train that I thought Now little son Eric where shall we go Well have a day of unmitigated pleasure and throw care to the winds Ill even forswear Vieusseux there wont be much news today
Let us take the Pitti Palace first said Erica knowing that the fresh air and the walk would be the only chance for her
She walked very quickly with the feeling that if she were still for a single moment she should fall down And luckily Raeburn thought her paleness accounted for by yesterdays headache and the wakeful night and never suspected the true state of the case On they went past fascinating marble shops and jewelers windows filled with Florentine mosaics across the Ponte Vecchio down a shady street and into the roughhewn grimlooking palace It was to Erica like a dream of pain the surroundings were so lovely the sunshine so perfect and her own heart so sore
But within that old palace she found the true cure for sore hearts She remembered having looked with Brian at an Ecce Home by Carlo Dolci and thought she would like to see it again It was not a picture her father would have cared for and she left him looking at Raphaels Three Ages of Man and went by herself into the little room which is called the Hall of Ulysses The picture was a small one and had what are considered the usual faults of the painter but it was the first Ecce Homo that Erica had ever cared for and whatever the shortcomings of the execution the ideal was a most beautiful one The traces of physical pain were not brought into undue prominence appearing not at all in the face which was full of unutterable calm and dignity The deep brown eyes had the strange power which belongs to some pictures they followed you all over the room there was no escaping them They were hauntingly sad eyes eyes in which there lurked grief unspeakable not the grief which attends bodily pain but the grief which grieves for others the grief which grieves for humanity for its thousand ills and ignorances its doubts and denials its sins and sufferings There was no bitterness in it no restlessness no questioning It was the grief of a noble strong man whose heart is torn by the thought of the sin and misery of his brothers but who knows that the Father can and will turn the evil into the means of glorious gain
As Erica looked the true meaning of pain seemed to flash upon her Dimly she had apprehended it in the days of her atheism had clung to the hope that the pain of the few brought the gain of the many but now the hope became certainty the faith became open vision For was it not all here written in clearest characters in the life of the Ideal Man And is not what was true for him true for us too We talk much about Christ our example and struggle painfully along the uphill road of the Imitation of Christ meaning by that too often a vague endeavor to be good to be patient to be not entirely absorbed in the things which are seen But when pain comes when the immense misery and evil in the world are borne in upon us we too often stumble or fail utterly just because we do not understand our sonship because we forget that Christians must be sinbearers like their Master pain bearers like their Master because we will let ourselves be blinded by the mystery of evil and the mystery of pain instead of fixing our eyes as Christ did on the joy that those mysteries are sure to bring Lo I come to do Thy will And what is the will of even a good earthly father but the best possible for all his children
Erica saw for the first time that no pain she had ever suffered had been a wasted thing nor had it merely taught her personally some needful lesson it had been rather her allotted service her share of painbearing sinbearing Christfollowing her opportunity of doing the Will not selfchosen but given to her as one of the best of gifts by the Father Himself
Oh what a little fool Ive been she thought to herself with the strange pang of joy which comes when we make some discovery which sweetens the whole of life and which seems so selfevident that we can but wonder and wonder at our dense stupidity in not seeing it sooner Ive been grudging Brian what God sees he most wants Ive been groaning over the libels and injustices which seem to bring so much pain and evil when after all they will be in the long run the very things to show people the need of tolerance and to establish freedom of speech
Even this pain of renunciation seemed to gain a new meaning for her though she could not in the least fathom it even the unspeakable grief of feeling that her father was devoting much of his life to the propagation of error lost its bitterness though it retained its depth For with the true realization of Fatherhood and Sonship impatience and bitterness die and in their place rises the peace which passeth understanding
We will have a day of unmitigated pleasure her father had said to her and the words had at the time been like a sharp stab But after all might not this pain this unseen and dimly understood work for humanity be in very truth the truest pleasure What artist is there who would not gratefully receive from the Master an order to attempt the loftiest of subjects What poet is there whose heart would not bound when he knew he was called to write on the noblest of themes All the struggles all the weary days of failure all the misery of conscious incompleteness all the agony of soul these were but means to the end and so inseparably bound up with the end that they were no more evil but good their darkness over flooded with the light of the work achieved
Raeburn coming into the room saw what she was looking at and turned away Little as he could understand her thoughts he was not the sort of man to wound unnecessarily one who differed from him His words in public were sharp and uncompromising in debate he did not much care how he hit as long as he hit hard But apart from the excitement of such sword play he was when convinced that his hearers were honest Christians genuinely sorry to give them pain
Erica found him looking at a Sevres china vase in which he could not by any possibility have been interested
I feel Mr Ruskins wrathful eye upon me she said laughing Now after spending all that time before a Carlo Dolci we must really go to the Uffizzi and look at Botticellis Fortitude Brian and I nearly quarreled over it the last time we were there
So they wandered away together through the long galleries Erica pointing out her favorite pictures and hearing his opinion about them And indeed Raeburn was as good a companion as could be wished for in a picture gallery The intense development of the critical faculty which had really been the bane of his existence came here to his aid for he had a quick eye for all that was beautiful both in art and nature and wonderfully keen powers of observation The refreshment too of leaving for a moment his life of excessive toil was great Erica hoped that he really did find the day for once unmitigated pleasure
They went to Santa Croce they walked through the crowded market they had a merry dispute about ascending the campanile
Just this one you really must let me try said Erica they say it is very easy
To people without spines perhaps it may be said Raeburn
But think of the view from the top said Erica and it really wont hurt me Now padre mio Im sure its for the greatest happiness of the greatest number that I should go up
Its the old story said Raeburn smiling
Vain is the hope by any force or skill
To stem the current of a womans will
For if she will she will you may depend ont
And if she wont she wont and theres an end ont
However since this is probably the last time in our lives that we shall have the chance perhaps Ill not do the tyrannical father
They had soon climbed the steep staircase and were quite rewarded by the magnificent view from the top a grand panorama of city and river and green Apennines Erica looked northward to Fiesole with a fastthrobbing heart Yet it seemed as if half a life time lay between the passiontossed yesterday and the sad yet peaceful present Nor was the feeling a mere delusion she had indeed in those brief hours lived years of the spirit life
She did not stay long at that northern parapet thoughts of her own life or even of Brians would not do just then She had to think of her father to devote herself to him And somehow though her heart was sad yet her happiness was real as they tried together to make out the various buildings and her talk was unrestrained and even her laughter natural not forced for it is possible to those who really love to throw themselves altogether into the life of another and to lay aside all thought of self
Once or twice that day she half feared that her father must guess all that had happened He was so very careful of her so considerate and for Raeburn to be more considerate meant a great deal for in private he was always the most gentle man imaginable His opponents who often regarded him as a sort of fiend in human shape were strangely mistaken in their estimate of his character When treated with discourtesy or unfairness in public it was true that he hit back again and hit hard and since even in the nineteenth century we are so foolish as to use these weapons against the expression of opinions we deem mischievous Raeburn had had a great deal of practice in this retaliation He was a very proud and a very sensitive man not blessed with overmuch patience But he held his opinions honestly and had suffered much for them he had a real love for humanity and an almost passionate desire to better his generation To such a man it was no light thing to be deemed everything that is vile like poor Shelley he found it exceedingly bitter to let murderers and traitors take precedence of him in public opinion People in general took into account all his harsh utterances and some of them were very harsh but they rarely thought anything about the provocation received the excessively hard life that this man had lived the gross personal insults which he had had to put up with the galling injustice he had had to fight against Upon this side of the question they just turned their backs poohpoohed it or when it was forced upon their notice said unanswerable argument It wouldnt be so
When as they were making the descent Erica found the strong hand stretched out for hers the moment the way grew dark when she was warned of the slightest difficulty by Take care little one a narrow step or Tis rather broken here she almost trembled to think that in spite of all her efforts he might have learned how matters really were But by and by his serenity reassured her had he thought that she was in trouble his face would not have been so cloudless
And in truth Raeburn spite of his keen observation never thought for a moment of the true state of the case He was a very literal unimaginative man and having once learned to regard Brian as an old family friend and as his doctor he never dreamed of regarding him in the light of his daughters lover Also as is not unfrequently the case when a man has only one child he never could take in the fact that she was quite grown up Even when he read her articles in the Daily Review or discussed the most weighty topics with her she was always little son Eric or his little one And Ericas unquenchable high spirits served to keep up the delusion She would as often as not end a conversation on Darwinism by a romp with Friskarina or write a very thoughtful article on Scrutin de Liste and then spring up from her desk and play like any child with an Indiarubber ball nominally kept for children visitors
She managed to tide over those days bravely and even cheerfully for her fathers sake It was easier when they had left Florence with its overbright and oversad memories Peaceful old Verona was more in accordance with her state of mind and from thence they went to Trento and over the Brenner passing Botzen and Brixen in their lovely valley gaining a brief glimpse of the spirelike Dolomito and gradually ascending the pass leaving the river and its yellow reeds and passing through the rich pasture land where the fields were bright with buttercups and daisies gold and silver of the peoples property as Raeburn called them Then on once more between crimson and purple porphyry mountains nearer and nearer to the snowy mountain peaks and at last as the day drew to an end they descended again and saw down below them in the loveliest of valleys a little town its white houses suffused by a crimson sunset glow
Innsbruck madame Innsbruck said a fat old Tyrolean man who had been showing them all the beauties of his beloved country throughout the journey
And though nothing could ever again have for Erica the sweet glamour of an Italian city yet she was glad now to have seen the last of that sunny land and welcomed the homely little place with its matteroffact houses and prosperous comfort She felt somehow that it would be easier to endure now that she was fairly out of Italy
The day after their arrival at Innsbruck was Sunday There was no English service as yet for the season had not begun but Erica went to the little Lutheran church and Raeburn who had never been to a Lutheran service went with her for the sake of studying the congregation the preacher and the doctrine Also perhaps because he did not want her to feel lonely in a foreign place
All her life long Erica remembered that Sunday The peaceful little church with its high pews where they sat to sing and stood to pray the homely German pastor with his plain yet forcible sermon on Das Gebet the restful feeling of unity which so infinitely outweighed all the trifling differences and the comfort of the sweet old German chorales The words of one of them lingered always in her memory
Fuhlt Seel und Leib ein Wohl ergehen So treib es mich zum Dank dafur Last du mich deine Werke sehen So sey mein Ruhmen stets von dir Und find ich in der Welt nicht Ruh So steig mein Schmen Hinmel zu
After the service was ended they wandered out into the public gardens where birds were singing round the statue of Walter von der Vogelveice and a sparrow to Ericas great delight perched on his very shoulder Then they left the town altogether and roamed out into the open country crossing the river by a long and curiously constructed plank bridge and sauntering along the valley beneath the snowy mountains the river flowing smoothly onward the birds singing and a paradise of flowers on every side It was quite the hottest day they had had and they were not sorry to rest in the first shady place they came to
This is the right way to take pleasure said Raeburn enjoying as only an ardent lover of Nature can enjoy a mountain view Brief snatches in between hard work More than that is hardly admissible in such times as ours His words seemed to them prophetic later on for their pleasure was destined to be even briefer than they had anticipated The hotel at which they were staying was being painted Erica had a room on the second floor but Raeburn had been put at the top of the house They had just returned from a long drive and were quietly sitting in Ericas room writing letters thinking every moment that the gong would sound for the sixoclock TABLE DHOTE when a sound of many voices outside made Raeburn look up He went to the window
Haloo A fire engine he exclaimed
Erica hastily joined him a crowd was gathering beneath the window shouting waving gesticulating
Why they are pointing up here cried Erica The fire must be here
She rushed across the room and opened the door the whole place was in an uproar people rushing to and fro cries of FEUER FEUER a waiter with scared face hurrying from room to room with the announcement in broken English The hotel is on fire or sometimes in his haste and confusion The fire is on hotel For a moment Ericas heart stood still the very vagueness of the terror the uncertainty as to the extent of the danger or the possibility of escape was paralyzing Then with the natural instinct of a book lover she hastily picked up two or three volumes from the table and begged her father to come He made her put on her hat and cloak and shouldering her portmanteau led the way through the corridors and down the staircase steadily forcing a passage through the confused and terrified people and never pausing for an instant not even asking the whereabouts of the fire till he had got Erica safely out into the little platz and had set down her portmanteau under one of the trees
They looked up then and saw that the whole of the roof and the attics of the hotel were blazing Raeburns room was immediately below and was in great danger A sudden thought seemed to occur to him a look of dismay crossed his face he felt hurriedly in his pocket
Where did I change my coat Erica he asked
You went up to your room to change it just before the drive she replied
Then by all thats unlucky Ive left in it those papers for Hasenbalg Wait here Ill be back in a minute
He hurried off looking more anxious than Erica had ever seen him look before The papers which he had been asked to deliver to Herr Hasenbalg in no way concerned him but they had been intrusted to his care and were therefore of course more to be considered than the most valuable private property Much hindered by the crowd and by the fire engine itself which had been moved into the entrance hall he at length succeeded in fighting his way past an unceasing procession of furniture which was being rescued from the flames and pushing his way up the stairs had almost gained his room when a pitiful cry reached his ears It was impossible to a man of Raeburns nature not to turn aside the political dispatches might be very important but a deserted child in a burning house outweighed all other considerations He threw open the door of the room whence the cry had come the scaffolding outside had caught fire and the flames were darting in at the window Sitting up in a little wooden cot was a child of two or three years old his baby face wild with fright
Poor bairn exclaimed Raeburn taking him in his strong arms Have they forgotten you
The child was German and did not understand a word but it knew in a moment that this man so like a fairytale giant was a rescuer
Guter Riese it sobbed appealingly
The good giant snatched a blanket from the cot rolled it round the shivering little bit of humanity and carried him down into the platz
Keep this bairnie till his belongings claim him he said putting his charge into Ericas arms And then he hurried back again once more ran the gantlet of the descending wardrobes and bedsteads and at last reached his room It was bare of all furniture the lighter things his coat among them had been thrown out of the window the more solid things had been carried down stairs He stood there baffled and for once in his life bewildered
Halfchoked with the smoke he crossed the room and looked out of the window the hot breath of the flames from the scaffolding scorching his face But looking through that frame of fire he saw that a cordon had been drawn round the indiscriminate piles of rescued property that the military had been called out and that the most perfect order prevailed There was still a chance that he might recover the lost papers Then as there was no knowing that the roof would not fall in and crush him he made the best of his way down again among the still flowing stream of furniture
An immense crowd had gathered in the square outside the awestruck murmurs and exclamations sounded like the roar of distant thunder and the shouts of WASSER WASSER alternated with the winding of bugles as the soldiers moved now in one direction now in another their bright uniforms and the shining helmets of the fire brigade men flashing hither and thither among the dark mass of spectators Overhead the flames raged while the wind blew down bits of burning tinder upon the crowd Erica wedged in among the friendly Tyrolese people watched anxiously for her father not quite able to believe his assurance that there was no danger When at length she saw the tall commanding figure emerge from the burning hotel the white head towering over the crowd her heart gave a great bound of relief But she saw in a moment that he had been unsuccessful
It must have been thrown out of the window he said elbowing his way up to her The room was quite bare carpet and all gone nothing to be found but these valuables and with a smile he held up the last number of the IdolBreaker and a tooth brush
They are taking great care of the things said Erica Perhaps we shall find it by and by
We must find it said Raeburn his lips forming into the curve of resoluteness which they were wont to assume when any difficulty arose to be grappled with What has become of the bairn
A nurse came up and claimed it and was overwhelmingly grateful to you for your rescue She had put the child to bed early and had gone for a walk in the gardens Oh look how the fire is spreading
The scaffolding is terribly against saving it and the wind is high too said Raeburn scanning the place all over with his keen eyes Then as an idea seemed to strike him he suddenly hurried forward once more and Erica saw him speaking to two fire brigade men In another minute the soldiers motioned the crowd further back Raeburn rejoined Erica and picking up her portmanteau took her across the road to the steps of a neighboring hotel Ive suggested that they should cut down the scaffolding he said it is the only chance of saving the place
The whole of the woodwork was now on fire to cut it down was a somewhat dangerous task but the men worked gallantly and in a few minutes the huge blazing frame with its poles and cross poles ladders and platforms swayed quivered then fell forward with a crash into the garden beyond
Raeburn had as usual attracted to himself the persons most worth talking to in the crowd a shrewdlooking inhabitant of Innsbruck spectacled and somewhat sallow but with a face which was full of intellect He learned that although no one could speak positively as to the origin of the fire it was more than probable that it had been no mere accident The very Sunday before at exactly the same hour a large factory had been entirely destroyed by fire and it needed no very deep thinker to discover that a Sunday evening when every one would be outofdoors keeping holiday and the fire brigade men scattered and hard to summon was the very time for incendiarism They learned much from the shrewd citizen about the general condition of the place which seemed outwardly too peaceful and prosperous for such wild and senseless outbreaks
If as seems probable this is the act of some crazy socialist he has unwittingly done harm to the cause of reform in general said Raeburn to Erica when the informant had passed on Those papers for Hasenbalg were important ones and if laid hold of by unfriendly hands might do untold harm Socialism is the most foolish system on earth Inevitably it turns to this sort of violence when the uneducated have seized on its main idea
After all I believe they will save the house said Erica Just look at those men on the top how splendidly they are working
It was in truth a grand though a very horrible sight to see the dark forms toiling away hewing down the burning rafters with an absolute disregard to their personal safety These were not firemen but volunteers chimneysweeps as one of the crowd informed Raeburn and it was in the main owing to their exertions that the fire was at length extinguished
After the excitement was over they went into the neighboring hotel where there was some difficulty in obtaining rooms as all the burnedout people had taken refuge there However the utmost hospitality and friendliness prevailed and even hungry Englishmen cheated of their dinner were patient for once while the overtaxed waiters hurried to and fro preparing for the second and quite unexpected table dhote Everyone had something to tell either of his escape or his losses One lady had seen her night gown thrown out of the window and had managed adroitly to catch it some one else on rushing up to find his purse had been deluged by the fire engine and Raeburns story of the little German boy excited great interest The visitors were inclined to make a hero of him Once when he had left the room Erica heard a discussion about him with no little amusement
Who is the very tall whitehaired man
The man who saved the child I believe he must be the Bishop of Steneborough he is traveling in the Tyrol I know and Im sure that man is a somebody So much dignity and such power over everybody Didnt you see the way the captain of the fire brigade deferred to him
Well now I think of it replied the other he has an earnest devotional sort of face perhaps youre right Ill speak to him when he comes back Ah in a lower voice there he is And Confound it Hes got no gaiters Goodbye to my visions of lifelong friendship and a comfortable living for Dick
In spite of his anxiety about the lost packet Raeburn laughed heartily over Ericas account of this conversation He had obtained leave to search the deserted hotel and a little before ten oclock they made their way across the square over planks and charred rafters broken glass and pools of water which were hard to steer through in the darkness The fire was now quite out and they were beginning to move the furniture in again but the place had been entirely dismantled and looked eerie and forlorn On the staircase was a decapitated statue and broken and crushed plants were strewn about Ericas room was quite bare of furniture nor could she find any of the things she wanted The pen with which she had been writing lay on the floor and also a Japanese fan soaked with water but neither of these were very serviceable articles to a person bereft of every toilet requisite
I shall have to lie down tonight like a dog and get up in the morning and shake myself she said laughing
And probably a good many people in Innsbruck were that evening in like case
Notwithstanding the discomforts however and the past excitement that was the first night in which Erica had really slept since the day at Fiesole the first night unbroken by dreams about Brian unhaunted by that blanched rigid face which had stamped its image indelibly upon her brain in the amphitheatre She awoke too without that almost intolerable dread of the coming day which had hitherto made early morning hateful to her It was everything to have an actual and practicable duty ready to hand everything to have a busy present which would crowd out past and future if only for a few hours Also the disaster had its comic side Through the thin partition she could hear distinctly the complaints of the people in the next room
How ARE we to get on with no soap Do go and see if James has any
Then came steps in the passage and a loud knock at the opposite door
James
No answer A furiously loud second knock
JAMES
Whats the matter Another fire
Have you any soap
Any what sleepily
Any SOAP
Apparently James was not the happy possessor of that necessary of life for the steps retreated and the bell was violently rung
What no soap exclaimed Erica laughing so he died and she very imprudently married the barber etc
The chamber maid came to answer the bell
Send some one to the nearest shop please and get me some soap
And a sponge said another
And a brush and comb said the first
Oh And some hair pins echoed the other Why destruction She doesnt understand a word Whats the German for soap Give me Travel Talk
Its burned
Well then show her the soap dish Brush your hair with your hands This is something between Drum Crambo and Mulberry Bush
The whole day was not unlike a fatiguing game of hideandseek and had it not been for Raeburns great anxiety it would have been exceedingly amusing Everything was now inside the hotel again but of course in the wildest confusion The personal property of the visitors was placed as it came to light in the hall porters little room but things were to be met with in all directions At ten oclock one of Raeburns boots was found on the third story in the evening its fellow turned up in the entrance hall Distracted tourists were to be seen in all directions burrowing under heaps of clothes or vainly opening cupboards and drawers and the delight of finding even the most trifling possession was great For hours Raeburn and Erica searched for the lost papers in vain At length in the evening the coat was found but alas The pocket was empty
The envelope must have been taken out said Erica Was it directed
Unfortunately yes said Raeburn But after all there is still a
chance that it may have tumbled out as the coat fell If so we may find
it elsewhere Ive great faith in the honesty of these Innsbruck people
notwithstanding the craze of some of them that property is theft That
worthy man yesterday was right I expect I hear that the proprietor had
had a threatening letter not long ago to this effect
Sein thun unser Dreissig
Schuren thun wir fleissig
Dem Armen thats nichts
Dem Reichen schads nichts
That is tolerably unmistakable I think Ill have it in next weeks Idol with an article on the folly of socialism
Judicious offers of reward failed to bring the papers to light and Raeburn was so much vexed about it and so determined to search every nook and cranny of the hotel that it was hard to get him away even for meals Erica could not help feeling that it was hard that the brief days of relaxation he had allowed himself should be so entirely spoiled
Now if I were a model daughter I should dream where to find the thing she said laughingly as she wished him good night
She did not dream at all but she was up as soon as it was light searching once more with minute faithfulness in every part of the hotel At length she came to a room piled from floor to ceiling with linen blankets and coverlets
Have all these been shaken she asked of the maid servant who had been helping her
Well not shaken I think owned the servant We were in a hurry you see but they are all fresh folded
It might have slipped into one of them said Erica Help me to shake every one of these and I will give you two gulden
It was hard work and somewhat hopeless work but Erica set about it with all the earnestness and thoroughness of her Raeburn nature and at length came her reward At the very bottom of the huge pile they came to a counterpane and as they opened it out fell the large thick envelope directed to Herr Hasenbalg With a cry of joy Erica snatched it up pressed double the reward into the hands of the delighted servant and flew in search of her father She found him groping in a great heap of miscellaneous goods in the porters room
Ive found my razors he said looking up and every twopennyhalfpenny thing out of my traveling bag but the papers of course are nowhere
Whats your definition of nowhere asked Erica laughingly covering his eyes while she slipped the envelope into his hand
His look of relief made her happier than she had been for days He stood up quickly and turned the envelope over to see that it had not been tampered with
This is my definition of a dear good bairn he said putting his hand on her head You have taken a hundredweight off my heart Eric Where did you find it
She described her search to him
Well now nothing will satisfy me but a mountain said Raeburn Are you too tired We could have a good climb before dinner
Oh let us she exclaimed I have had such a longing to get nearer the snow
Each felt that the holiday had now begun They threw care to the winds and gave themselves up altogether to the enjoyment of the loveliest walk they had ever taken Crossing the Kreuzer bridge they made their way past little wooden chalets through groves of oak where the sunlight came flickering in between the leaves through pine woods whose long vistas were solemn as cathedral aisles until at last they gained the summit of the lower range of hills from which was a glorious view on every hand Down below lay the little town which would be forever memorable to them while above them rose the grand chain of snowy mountains which still seemed as lofty and unapproachable as ever though they themselves were on high ground Soft and velvety and green lay that great upward sweep in the sunshine shaded in some places by a dark patch of pines or gleaming with a heap of fallen snow Here and there some deep rugged cleft would be filled from top to bottom with the gleaming whiteness while above crowning the steep and barren height the snow reigned supreme unmelted as yet even by the hot May sun
And Erica was in spite of her sorrow unfeignedly happy She could not be sad when her father was so thoroughly enjoying himself when for once he was altogether removed from the baleful influences of hatred malice and all uncharitableness Here instead of sweeping denunciations which invariably drove him as they drove even the patient Job to an assertion of his own righteousness there was the silent yet most real teaching of Nature and he must be a smallsouled man indeed who in the presence of grand mountain scenery can not forget his own personality realizing the infinite beauty and the unspeakable greatness of nature Ericas father was unquestionably a largesouled man in every sense of the word a great man but the best man in the world is to a great extent dependent on circumstance and the circumstances of Raeburns life had been exceptionally hard Only two things on earth acted as a check upon the one great fault which marred an otherwise fine character Beauty of scenery made him for the time being as humble as a child and the devotion of his own followers sometimes made him ask himself whether he were worthy of such love
The following day the papers which had caused them so much trouble and anxiety were safely delivered to Herr Hasenbalg at Salzburg and then came one more perfect holiday In the months that followed Erica loved just to shut her eyes and forget a sad or stormy present to call up once more the remembrance of that time To the minutest details she always remembered it The start in the early morning which had seemed cloudy and unpromising the long beautiful drive to Berchtesgaden and on beyond to the Konigsee The perfect and unbroken calm of that loveliest of lakes so jealously guarded by its chain of mountains that only in two places is it possible to effect a landing The dark pines and silvery birches clothing the sides of the mountains the gray limestone cliffs rising step and sheer from the water in which their slim green skiff glided swiftly on the oars which were more like long brown spades pulled by a man and woman who took it in turns to sit and stand the man with gay tie and waistband Tyrolese hat and waving feather the woman wearing a similar hat over a gayly embroidered headdress ample white sleeves a squarecut bodice and blue plaid skirt
Here and there a group of lightgreen larches just caught the sunshine or a little boat coming in the opposite direction would suddenly glide round one of the bends in the lake its oars splashing a wide line of silvery brightness in the calm water in vivid contrast to the darkblue prow Then as they rounded one of the abrupt curves came a glorious view of snow mountains blue shadows below and above in the sunshine the most dazzling whiteness while close to the water from the sheer precipice of gray rock sprung here and there a hardy pine
They landed beside a quaint little church with cupolas and had an exquisite walk through the woods just at the foot of the mountains where the wealth of gentians and other Alpine flowers made Raeburns felicity complete
Presently came the return to the little boat and a quiet row back to the landing place where their carriage awaited them And then followed the delightful drive home past the river which tossed its green waters here and there into snowlike wreaths of foam over quaint and shaky wooden bridges between gray rocks and groves of plane trees whose trunks were half veiled in goldenbrown moss Then on beneath a hill catching faraway glimpses of a darkened and mysterious sky through the forest of stems Then past larger and taller pine trees which standing further apart let in more sky and left space for the brown earth to be flecked with sunshine And here in the most peaceful of all country regions they met a handsomelooking peasant in gay Tyrolean attire much adorned with silver chains since it was Ascension day and a festival He was leading by the hand his little daughter
That is a peaceful lot said Raeburn glancing at them Would we like to change places with them little son Eric
She laughed and shook her head and fell nevertheless into a reverie wondering what such a character as her fathers would have been under less hard circumstances trying to picture a possible life in that sheltered green valley All was so perfectly peaceful the very river grew broader and calmer cattle grazed by the road side women walked slowly along with their knitting in their hands the fruit trees were white with blossom As they reached the pretty village of Berchtesgaden the sun was setting the square comfortablelooking white houses with their broad dark eaves and balconies were bathed in a rosy glow the two spires of the little church stood out darkly against the evening sky in the platz women were filling their pitchers at a stone fountain made in the shape of a rampant lion while others were kneeling before the calvary at the entrance to the village praying with the reverence which is one of the characteristics of the Tyrolese Towering above all in the background rose the two Wartzmann peaks standing there white and majestic like guardian angels
What foolish being called seven the perfect number said Raeburn turning back from a last look at the twin mountains which were now assuming their cloud caps Two is the perfect number is it not little one
She smiled and slipped her hand into his
Then came a wild desolate part of the road which passed through a valley shut in on all sides by mountains some of them snowy all wild and precipitous and looking strangely desolate in the falling light Erica could not help contrasting it with the view from the amphitheatre at Fiesole of that wider amphitheatre of green hills all glowing with light and love But presently came more peaceful glimpses pretty little Schellenburg with its serpentine river winding again and again through the village street and the happylooking peasants chatting at their doors with here and there a whitecapped baby made much of by all
At last in the cool of the evening they reached Salsburg once more But the pleasures of the day were not yet over for as they drew up at the door of their hotel a wellknown figure suddenly emerged from the porch and hurried toward the carriage
Unexpected as a meteor said a hearty voice in slightly foreign accents Well my good friend well my guardian angel how are you both We meet under more auspicious circumstances this time
It was Eric Haeberlein
CHAPTER XXXIV The Most Unkindest Cut of All
Those who persecuted them supposed of course that they were
defending Christianity but Christianity can be defended in
no such way It forbids all persecution all persecution for
the sake of religion Force cannot possibly propagate the
truth or produce the faith or promote the love in which the
gospel consists Persecution can never arise from zeal
for the Gospel as truth from zeal for the Gospel properly
understood If ever due to zeal in any measure and not to
pride selfishness anger ambition and other hateful lusts
It must be to a zeal which is in alliance with error
The men atheists therefore who by their courage
and endurance were specially instrumental in convincing
their countrymen that persecution for the avowal and
advocacy even of atheism is a folly and a crime have really
rendered a service to the cause of Christian truth and
their names will not be recorded without honor when the
history of our century is impartially written Baird
Lectures 1877 R Flint DD Professor of Divinity
Edinburgh
A few days later the brief holiday ended and father and daughter were both hard at work again in London They had crossed from Antwerp by night and had reached home about ten oclock to find the usual busy life awaiting them
Tom and Aunt Jean who had been very dull in their absence were delighted to have them back again and though the air was thick with coming troubles yet it was nevertheless a real home coming while Erica in spite of her hidden sorrow had a very real enjoyment in describing her first foreign tour They were making a late breakfast while she talked Raeburn being more or less absorbed in the Daily Review
You see such an early newspaper is a luxury now said Erica Not that hes been behaving well abroad He promised me when we started that hed eschew newspapers altogether and give his brain an entire rest but there is a beguiling reading room at Florence and there was no keeping him away from it
Whats that What are you saying said Raeburn absently
That very soon father you will be as absentminded as King StarsandGarters in the fairy tale who one day in a fit of abstraction buttered his newspaper and tried to read his toast
Raeburn laughed and threw down the Daily Review
Saucier than ever isnt she Tom Well weve come back to a few disagreeables but then weve come back thank man To roast beef and Turkey towels and after kickshaws and table napkins one knows how to appreciate such things
We could have done with your kickshaws here said Tom If you hadnt come back soon Erica I should have gone to the bad altogether for home life with the cook to cater for one is intolerable That creature has only two ideas in her head We rang the changes on rice and stewed rhubarb The rhubarb in its oldest stage came up four days running We called it the widows curse Then the servants would make a point of eating onions for supper so that the house was insufferable And at last we were driven from pillar to post by a dreadful process called house cleaning in which undoubtedly life is not worth living In the end Mr Osmond took pity on me and lent me Brians study Imagine heretical writings emanating from that room
This led the conversation round to Brians visit to Florence and Erica was not sorry to be interrupted by a note from Mr Bircham requesting her to write an article on the Kilbeggan murder She found that the wheels of the household machinery would need a good deal of attention before they would move as smoothly as she generally contrived to make them Things had somehow got to wrongs in her absence And when at length she thought everything was in train and had got thoroughly into the spirit of a descriptive article on the Irish tragedy the cook of two ideas interrupted her with what seemed in contract the most trivial matters
If you please miss she said coming into the green room just as the three villains in black masks were in the act of killing their victim I thought youd wish to know that we are wanting a new set of kitchen cloths and if youll excuse me mentioning it miss theres Jane miss using glass cloths as tea cloths and dusters as knife cloths
Erica looked slightly distracted but diverted her mind from the state of Ireland to the state of the household linen and when left alone once more laughed to herself at the incongruity of the two subjects
It was nearly a fortnight before Brian returned from Switzerland Erica knew that he was in the wellknown house on the opposite side of the square and through the trees in the garden they could see each the others place of residence It was a sort of nineteenthcentury version of the Rhine legend in which the knight of Rolandseek looked down upon Nomenwerth where his lady love was immured in a convent
She had rather dreaded the first meeting but when it came she felt nothing of what she had feared She was in the habit of going on Sunday morning to the eight oclock service at the church in the square It was nearer than Charles Osmonds church and the hour interfered less with household arrangements Just at the corner of the square on the morning of Trinity Sunday she met Brian Her heart beat quickly as she shook hands with him but there was something in his bearing which set her entirely at her ease after just the first minute He looked much older and a certain restlessness in look and manner had quite left him giving place to a peculiar calm not unlike his fathers expression It was the expression which a man wears when he has lost the desire of his heart yet manfully struggles on allowing no bitterness to steal in facing unflinchingly the grayness of a crippled life Somehow joining in that thanksgiving service seemed to give them the true keynote for their divided lives As they came out into the porch he asked her a question
You are an authority on quotations I know my father wants to verify
one for his sermon this morning Can you help him It is this
Revealed in love and sacrifice
The Holiest passed before thine eyes
One and the same in threefold guise
It is Whittier I know said Erica promptly and I think it is in a poem called Trinitas Come home with me and we will hunt for it
So they walked back together silently and found the poem and at Raeburns request Brian stayed to breakfast and fell back naturally into his old place with them all
The following day Raeburn had to attend a meeting in the north of England he returned on the Tuesday afternoon looking Erica fancied tired and overdone
Railway journeys are not quite the rest they once were to me he confessed throwing himself down in a chair by the open window while she brought him some tea This is very beguiling little one but see Ive all these letters to answer before five
Your train must have been very late
Yes there was a block on the line and we stopped for half an hour in the middle of a bean field bliss that a Londoner cant often enjoy
Did you get out
Oh yes and sat upon the fence and meditated to the great delectation of my olfactory nerves
Ericas laugh was checked by a knock at the door The servant announced that a gentleman wanted to see Miss Raeburn
Some message from Mr Bircham I expect said Erica to her father Ask him upstairs please I only hope he doesnt want me to write another article at the eleventh hour If its the little Irish subeditor you must be very polite to him father for he has been kind to me
But it was no message from the Daily Review office a perfect stranger was shown into the room
He bowed slightly as he entered
Are you Miss Erica Raeburn he asked coming toward her
I am she replied What is your business with me
I have to place this document in your hands
He gave her a paper which she rapidly unfolded To her dying day she could always see that hateful bit of foolscap with its alternate printing and writing The words were to this effect
Writ Subpoena Ad Test at Sittings of High Court IN THE HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE QUEENS BENCH DIVISION Between Luke Raeburn Plaintiff and William Henry Pogson Defendant VICTORIA by the Grace of God of the United kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen Defender of the Faith To Erica Raeburn greeting We command you to attend at the sittings of the Queens Bench division of our High Court of Justice to be holden at Westminster on Tuesday the Twentieth day of June 18__ at the hour of half past Ten in the forenoon and so from day to day during the said sittings until the above cause is tried to give evidence on behalf of the Defendant Witness etc etc
Erica read the paper twice before she looked up she had grown white to the very lips Raeburn recognizing the form of a subpoena came hastily forward and in the merest glance saw how matters were By no possibility could the most malicious of opponents have selected a surer means of torturing him
Is this legal asked Erica lifting to him eyes that flashed with righteous indignation
Oh it is legal he replied bitterly the pound of flesh was legal A wife need not appear against her husband but a daughter may be dragged into court and forced to give evidence against her father
As he spoke such anger flashed from his eyes that the clerk shivered all down his backbone He thought he would take his departure as quickly as might be and drawing a little nearer put down a coin upon the table beside Erica
This fee is to cover your expenses madame he said
What exclaimed Erica her anger leaping up into a sudden flame do you think I shall take money from that man
She had an insane desire to snatch up the sovereign and fling it at the clerks head but restraining herself merely flicked it back across the table to him just touching it with the back of her hand as though it had been polluted
You can take that back again she said a look of scorn sweeping over her face Tell Mr Pogson that when he martyrs people he need not say The martyrdom will make you hungry here is luncheon money or The torture will tire you here is your cab fare
But madame excuse me said the clerk looking much embarrassed I must leave the money I am bound to leave it
If you leave it I shall just throw it into the fireplace before your eyes said Erica But if indeed it cant be sent back then give it to the first gutter child you meet do anything you like with it Hang it on your watch chain as a memento of the most cruel case your firm every had to do with
Her color had come back again her cheeks were glowing in her wrath she looked most beautiful the clerk would have been less than human if he had not felt sorry for her There was a moments silence he glanced from the daughter to the father whose face was still pale and rigid A great pity surged up in the clerks heart He was a father himself involuntarily his thoughts turned to the little home at Kilburn where Mary and Kitty would be waiting for him that evening What if they should ever be forced into a witness box to confirm a libel on his personal character A sort of moisture came to his eyes at the bare idea The counsel for the defense too was that Cringer Q C the greatest bully that ever wore silk Then he glanced once more at the silent majestic figure with the rigid face who though an atheist was yet a man and a father
Sir he said with the ring of real and deep feeling in his voice sir believe me if I had known what bringing this subpoena meant I would sooner have lost my situation
Raeburns face relaxed he spoke a few courteous dignified words accepting with a sort of unspoken gratitude the mans regret and in a few moments dismissing him But even in these few moments the clerk though by no means an impressionable man had felt the spell the strange power of fascination which Raeburn invariably exercised upon those he talked with that inexplicable influence which made cautious hardheaded mechanics ready to die for him ready to risk anything in his cause
The instant the man was gone Raeburn sat down at Ericas writing table and began to answer his letters His correspondents got very curt answers that day Erica could tell by the sound of his pan how sharp were the down strokes how short the rapidly written sentences
Can I help you she asked drawing nearer to him
He hastily selected two or three letters not bearing on his antireligious work gave her directions then plunged his pen in the ink once more and went on writing at lightning speed When at length the most necessary ones were done he pushed back his chair and getting up began to pace rapidly to and fro Presently he paused and leaned against the mantel piece his face half shaded by his hand
Erica stole up to him silently
Sometimes Eric he said abruptly I feel the need of the word DEVIL My vocabulary has nothing strong enough for that man
She was too heartsick to speak she drew closer to him with a mute caress
Eric he said holding her hands between his and looking down at her with an indescribably eager expression in his eyes Eric surely NOW you see that this persecuting religion this religion which has been persecuting innumerable people for hundreds of years is false worthless rotten to the core Child Child Surely you cant believe in a God whose followers try to promote His glory by sheer brutality like this
It was the first time he had spoken to her on this subject since their interview at Codrington They had resolved never to touch upon it again but a sort of consciousness that some good must come to him through this new bitterness a hope that it must and would reconvince his child impelled Raeburn to break his resolution
I could sooner doubt that you are standing here father with your arm round me said Erica than I could doubt the presence of your Father and mine the AllFather
Even though his followers are such lying scoundrels as that Pogson What do you make of that What do you think of that
I think she replied quietly that my father is too just a man to judge Christianity by the very worst specimen of a Christian to be met with Any one who does not judge secularism by its very best representatives dead or living is unfair and what is unfair in one case is unfair in another
Well if I judged it by you perhaps I might take a different view of it said Raeburn But then you had the advantage of some years of secularism
Not by me cried Erica How can it seem anything but very faulty when you judge it only by faulty people Why not judge it by the life and character of Christ
Raeburn turned away with a gesture of impatience
A myth A poetic creation long ago distorted out of its true proportions There child I see we must stop I only pain you and torture myself by arguing the question
One more thing said Erica before we go back to the old silence Father if you would only write a life of Christ I mean a really complete life the one you wrote years ago was scarcely more than a pamphlet
He smiled knowing that she thought the deep study necessary for such an undertaking would lead to a change in his views
My dear he said perhaps I would but just see how I am overdone I couldnt write an elaborate thing now Besides there is the book on the Pentateuch not half finished though it was promised months ago Perhaps a year or two hence when Pogson gives me time to draw a long breath Ill attempt it but I have an idea that one or other of us will have to be kilt intirely before that happy time arrives Perhaps we shall mutually do for each other and reenact the historical song And with laughter in his eyes he repeated
There once were two cats of Kilkenny Each thought there was one cat too many So they quarreled and spit and they scratched and they bit Till excepting their nails and the tips of their tails Instead of two cats there werent any
Erica smiled faintly but sighed the next minute
Well there Its too grave a matter to jest about said Raeburn Oh bairn If I could but save you from that brutes malice I should care very little for the rest
Since you only care about it for my sake and I only for yours I think we may as well give up caring at all said Erica looking up at him with a brave smile And after all Mr Cringer Q C can only keep me in purgatory for a few hours at the outside Dont you think too that such a cruel thing will damage Mr Pogson in the eyes of the jury
Unfortunately dear juries are seldom inclined to show any delicate considerateness to an atheist said Raeburn
And Erica knew that he spoke truly enough
No more was said just then Raeburn began rapidly to run through his remaining correspondence a truly miscellaneous collection Legal letters political letters business letters requests for his autograph for his help for his advice a challenge from a Presbyterian minister in the north of Scotland to meet him in debate the like from a Unitarian in Norfolk a coffin and some insulting verses in a match box and lastly an abrasive letter from a clergyman holding him responsible for some articles by Mr Masterman which he had nothing whatever to do with and of which he in fact disapproved
What would they think Eric if I insisted on holding the Bishop of London responsible for every utterance of every Christian in the diocese said Raeburn
They would think you were a fool said Erica cutting the coffin into little bits as she spoke
Raeburn smiled and penciled a word or two on the letter the pith of a stinging reply
CHAPTER XXXV Raeburn v Pogson
Oh God of mountains stars and boundless spaces
Oh God of freedom and of joyous hearts
When Thy face looketh forth from all mens faces
There will be room enough in crowded marts
Brood Thou around me and the noise is oer
Thy universe my closet with shut door
Heart heart awake The love that loveth all
Maketh a deeper calm than Horebs cave
God in thee can His childrens folly gall
Love may be hurt but shall not love be brave
Thy holy silence sinks in dews of balm
Thou art my solitude my mountain calm George MacDonald
When a particularly unpleasant event has long been hanging over ones head sure to come at some time though the precise date is unknown people of a certain disposition find it quite possible to live on pretty comfortably through the waiting time But when at length the date is fixed when you know that that which you dread will happen upon such and such a day then the waiting begins all at once to seem intolerable The vague date had been awaited calmly but the certain date is awaited with a wearing anxiety which tells fearfully on physical strength When Erica knew that the action for libel would begin in a fortnights time the comparative calmness of the nine months which had passed since the outset of the matter gave place to an agony of apprehension Night after night she had fearful dreams of being crossexamined by Mr Cringer QC who always forced her to say exactly what she did not mean Night after night coldly curious eyes stared down at her from all parts of a crowded court while her misery was completed by being perfectly conscious of what she ought to have said directly it was too late
By day she was too wise to allow herself to dwell on the future she worked doubly hard laid in a stock of particularly interesting books and threw herself as much as possible into the lives of others Happily the Farrants were in town and she was able to see a great deal of them while on the very day before the trial came a substantial little bit of happiness
She was sitting in the study doing some copying for her father when a brougham stopped at the door Erica who never failed to recognize a horse if she had once seen it before who even had favorites among the dozens of omnibus horses which she met daily in Oxford Street at once knew that either Donovan or Gladys had come to see her
She ran out into the hall to meet them but had no sooner opened the study door than the tiniest of dogs trotted into the room and began sniffing cautiously at her fathers clothes
Tottie has made a very unceremonious entrance said a clear mellow voice in the passage May we come in or are you too busy today
Oh please come in Father is home and I do so want you to meet said Erica You have brought Dolly too That is delightful We are dreadfully in want of something young and happy to cheer us up
The two men shook hands with the momentary keen glance into each others eyes which those give who have heard much of one another but have never been personally acquainted
As to Dolly said Donovan she requires no introduction to Mr Raeburn
No said Erica laughing she cried all over his coat two years ago
Dolly did not often wait for introductions unless she disliked people And no child could have found it in its heart to dislike anything so big and kind and fatherly as Luke Raeburn
We blought a little dog for Elica she said in her silvery treble
And the next moment she was established on Raeburns knee encouraged to thrust a little dimpled hand into his pocket for certain Edinburgh dainties
Dolly does not beat about the bush said Donovan smiling Would you at all care to have this small animal I knew you were fond of dogs and Gladys and I saw this little toy Esquimanx the other day and fell in love with him I find though that another dog rather hurts Waifs feelings so you will be doing a kindness to him as well if you will accept Tottie
Oh how delightful of you It was kind of you to think of it said Erica I have always so longed to have a dog of my own And this is such a little beauty Is it not a very rare breed
I believe it is and I think hes a loving little beggar too replied Donovan He is making himself quite at home here is he not
And in truth the small dog seemed deeply interested in his new residence He was the tiniest of his kind and was covered with long black hair which stood straight up on end his pointed nose bright brown eyes and cunning little ears set in the frame work of bushy hair gave him a most sagacious appearance And just now he was brimful of curiosity pattering all over the room poking his nose into a great pile of IdolBreakers sniffing at theological and antitheological books with perfect impartiality rubbing himself against Raeburns foot in the most ingratiating way and finally springing up on Ericas lap with the oddest mixture of defiance and devotion in his eyes which said as plainly as if he had spoken People may say what they like about you but Im your faithful dog from this day forward
Raeburn was obliged to go out almost directly as he had an appointment in the city but Erica knew that he had seen enough of Donovan to realize what he was and was satisfied
I am so glad you have just met she said when he had left the room And as to Dolly shes been a real godsend I havent seen my father smile before for a week
Strange is it not how almost always children instinctively take to those whom the world treats as outcasts I have a great belief that God lets the pure and innocent make up in part by their love for the uncharitableness of the rest of us
Thats a nice thought said Erica I have never had much to do with children except with this one And as she spoke she lifted Dolly on her lap beside Tottie
I have good reason to believe in both this kind and that said Donovan touching the dusky head of the dog and the sunny hair of the child As he spoke there was a look in his eyes which made Erica feel inclined almost to cry She knew that he was thinking of the past though there was no regret in his expression only a shade of additional gravity about his lips and an unusual light about his brow and eyes It was the face of a man who had known both the evil and the good and had now reached far into the Unseen
By and by they talked of Switzerland and of Brian Donovan telling her just what she wanted to know about him though he never let her feel that he knew all about the day at Fiesole And from that they passed to the coming trial of which he spoke in exactly the most helpful way not trying to assure her as some wellmeaning people had done that there was really nothing to be grieved or anxious about but fully sympathizing with the pain while he somehow led her on to the thought of the unseen good which would in the long run result from it
I do believe that now with all my heart she said
I knew you did he replied smiling a little You have learned it since you were at Greyshot last year And once learned it is learned forever
Yes she said musingly But oh How slowly one learns in such little bits Its a great mistake to think that we grasp the whole when the light first comes to us and yet it feels then like the whole
Because it was the whole you were then capable of said Donovan But you see you grow
Want to grow at any rate said Erica Grow conscious that there is an Infinite to grow to
Then as in a few minutes he rose to go
Well you have done me good you and Dolly and this blessed little dog Thank you very much for coming
She went out with them to the door and stood on the steps with Tottie in her arms smiling a goodbye to little Dolly
Thats the bravest woman I know thought Donovan to himself and the sweetest save one Poor Brian Though after all its a grand thing to love such as Erica even without hope
And all the afternoon there rang in his ears the line
A womans soul most soft yet strong
The next day troubles began in good earnest They were all very silent at breakfast Raeburn looked anxious and preoccupied and Erica not feeling sure that conversation would not worry him did not try to talk Once Aunt Jean looked up for a moment from her paper with a question
By the bye what are you going to wear Erica
Sackcloth I think said Erica it would be appropriate
Raeburn smiled a little at this
Something cool I should advise he said The place will be like a furnace today
He pushed back his chair as he spoke and went away to his study Tom had to hurry away too being due at his office by nine oclock and Erica began to rack her brains to devise the nicest of dinners for them that evening She dressed in good time and was waiting for her father in the green room when just before ten oclock the front door opened quick steps came up the stairs and to her amazement Tom entered
Back again she exclaimed Have you got a holiday
Ive got my conge he said in a hoarse voice throwing himself down in a chair by the window
Tom What do you mean she cried dismayed by the trouble in his face
Got the sack he said shortly
What Lost your situation But how Why
I was called this morning into Mr Ashgroves private room he informed me that he had just learned with great annoyance that I was the nephew of that you can supply his string of abusive adjectives Luke Raeburn Was it true I told him I had that honor Was I then an atheist Certainly A Raeburnite Naturally After which came a long oration at the end of which I found myself the wrong side of the office door with orders never to darken it again and next months salary in my hand Thats the matter in brief CUGINA
His face settled into a sort of blank despair so unlike its usual expression that Ericas wrath flamed up at the sight
Its a shame she cried a wicked shame Oh Tom dear I am so sorry for you I wish this had come upon me instead
I wouldnt care so much said poor Tom huskily if he hadnt chosen just this time for it but it will worry the chieftain now
Erica was on the verge of tears
Oh what shall we do what can we do she cried almost in despair I had not thought of that Father will feel it dreadfully
But to conceal the matter was now hopeless for as she spoke Raeburn came into the room
What shall I feel dreadfully he said smiling a little If any man ought to be casehardened I ought to be
But as he drew nearer and saw the faces of the two his own face grew stern and anxious
You at home Tom Whats the matter
Tom briefly told his tale trying to make as light of it as possible even trying to force a little humor into his account but with poor success There was absolute silence in the green room when he paused Raeburn said not a word but he grew very pale evidently in this matter being by no means casehardened A similar instance further removed from his immediate circle might have called forth a strong angry denunciation but he felt too deeply anything affecting his own family or friends to be able in the first keenness of his grief and anger to speak
My boy he said at last in a low musical voice whose perfect modulations taxed Toms powers of endurance to the utmost I am very sorry for this I cant say more now we will talk it over tonight Will you come to Westminster with us
And presently as they drove along the crowded streets he said with a bitter smile
Theres one Biblical woe which by no possibility can ever befall us
Whats that said Tom
Woe unto you when all men speak well of you said Raeburn
A few minutes later and the memorable trial of Raeburn v Pogson had at length begun Raeburns friends had done their best to dissuade him from conducting his own case but he always replied to them with one of his Scotch proverbs A mans a lion in his ain cause His opening speech was such an exceedingly powerful one that all felt on the first day that he had been right though inevitably it added not a little to the disagreeableness of the case
As soon as the court had risen Erica went home with her aunt and Tom thankful to feel that at least one day was well over but her father was closeted for some hours with his solicitor and did not rejoin them till late that evening He came in then looking fearfully tired and scarcely spoke all through dinner but afterward just as Tom was leaving the room he called him back
Ive been thinking things over he said What was your salary with Mr Ashgrove
One hundred pounds a year replied Tom wondering at what possible hour the chieftain had found a spare moment to bestow upon his affairs
Well then will you be my secretary for the same
For many years Tom had given all his spare time to helping Raeburn with his correspondence and for some time he had been the practical though unrecognized subeditor of the IdolBreaker but all his work had been done out of pure devotion to the cause Nothing could have pleased him more than to give his whole time to the work while his great love and admiration for Raeburn eminently qualified him for the service of a somewhat autocratic master
Raeburn with all his readiness to help those in any difficulty with all his geniality and thoroughness of character was by no means the easiest person to work with For in common with other strong and selfreliant characters he liked in all things to have his own way and being in truth a firstrate organizer he had scant patience with other peoples schemes Erica was very glad that he had made the proposal to Tom for though regretting that he should give his life to the furtherance of work much of which she strongly disapproved she could not but be relieved at anything which would save her father in some degree from the immense strain of work and anxiety which were now altogether beyond the endurance of a single man and bid fair to overtax even Raeburns giant strength
Both Charles Osmond and Brian appeared as voluntary witnesses on behalf of the plaintiff and naturally the first few days of the trial were endurable enough But on the Friday the defense began and it became evident that the most bitter spirit would pervade the rest of the proceedings Mr Pogson had spared neither trouble nor expense he had brought witnesses from all the ends of the earth to swear that in some cases twenty years ago they had heard the plaintiff speak such and such words or seen him do such and such deeds The array of witnesses appeared endless there seemed no reason why the trial ever should come to an end It bid fair to be a CAUSE CELEBRE while inevitably Raeburns notoriety made the public take a great interest in the proceedings It became the topic of the day Erica rarely went in any public conveyance without hearing it discussed
One day she heard the following cheering sentiment
Oh of course you know the jury will never give a verdict for such a fellow as Raeburn
I suppose they cant help being rather prejudiced against him because of his views but upon my word it seems a confounded shame Oh I dont see that replied the first speaker If he holds such views he must expect to suffer for them
Day after day passed and still the case dragged on Erica became so accustomed to spending the day in court that at last it seemed to her that she had never done anything else all her life Every day she hoped that she might be called longing to get the hateful piece of work over But days and weeks passed and still Mr Cringer and his learned friends examined other witnesses but kept her in reserve Mr Bircham had been exceedingly kind to her and in the Daily Review office where Erica was treated as a sort of queen great indignation had been caused by Mr Pogsons malice Our little lady her sobriquet there received the hearty support and sympathy of every man in the place from the editor himself to the printers devil Every morning the office boy brought her in court the allotted work for the day which she wrote as well as she could during the proceedings or at luncheon time with the happy consciousness that all her short comings would be set right by the little Irish subeditor who worshipped the ground she trod on and was always ready with courteous and unofficious help
There were many little pieces of kindness which served to heighten that dreary summer for Mr Pogsons illadvised zeal had stimulated all lovers of justice into a protest against a most glaring instance of bigotry and unfair treatment Many clergymen spoke out bravely and denounced the defendants intolerance many nonconformist ministers risked giving dire offense to their congregations by saying a good word for the plaintiff Each protest did its modicum of good but still the weary case dragged on and every day the bitterness on either side seemed to increase
Mr Pogson had by fair means or foul induced an enormous number of witnesses to come forward and prove the truth of his statement and day after day there were the most wearisome references to old diaries to reports of meetings held in obscure places perhaps more than a dozen years ago or to some hashed and mangled report of a debate which incredible though such meanness seems had been specially constructed by some unscrupulous opponent in such a way as to alter the entire meaning of Raeburns words—a process which may very easily be effected by a judicious omission of contexts Raeburn was cheered and encouraged however in spite of all the thousand cares and annoyances of that time by the rapidly increasing number of his followers and by many tokens of most touching devotion from the people for whom however mistakenly he had labored with unwearying patience and zeal Erica saw only too plainly that Mr Pogson was in truth fighting against Christianity and every day brought fresh proofs of the injury done to Christs cause by this modern instance of injustice and religious intolerance
It was a terribly trying position and any one a degree less brave and sincere would probably have lost all faith but the one visible good effected by that miserable struggle was the strange influence it exerted in developing her character She was one of those who seem to grow exactly in proportion to the trouble they have had to bear And so it came to pass that while evil was wrought in many quarters in this one good resulted good not in the least understood by Raeburn or Aunt Jean or Tom who merely knew that Erica was less hot and hasty than in former times and found it more of a relief than ever to come home to her loving sympathy
After all they used to say the miserable delusion hasnt been able to spoil her
One day just after the court had reassembled in the afternoon Erica was putting the finishing touches to a very sprightly criticism on a certain political speech when suddenly she heard the name for which she had waited so long called in the clerks most sonorous tones Erica Raeburn
She was conscious of a sudden white flash as every face in the crowded court turned towards her but more conscious of a strong Presence which seemed to wrap her in a calm so perfect that the disagreeable surroundings became a matter of very slight import Here were hostile eyes indeed but she was strong enough to face all the powers of evil at once A sort of murmur ran through the court as she entered the witness box but she did not heed it any more than she would have heeded the murmur of the summer wind without She just stood there strong in her truth and purity able if need be to set a whole world at defiance
Pogsons made a mistake in calling her said a briefless barrister to one of his companions in adversity they both spent their lives in hanging about the courts thankful when they could get a bit of deviling
Right you are replied the other putting up his eyeglass to look at Erica and letting it drop after a brief survey Id bet twenty to one that girl loses him his case And Im hanged if he doesnt deserve to
Well it is rather a brutal thing to make a mans own child give evidence against him Halloo Just look at Raeburn That mans either a consummate actor or else a living impersonation of righteous anger
No acting there replied the other putting up his eyeglass again Its lucky dueling is a thing of the past or I expect Pogson would have a bullet in his heart before the day was over I dont wonder hes furious poor fellow Now then heres old Cringer working himself up into his very worst temper
The whispered dialogue was interrupted for a few minutes but was continued at intervals
By Jove what a voice shes got The jury will be flints if they are not influenced by it Ah you great brute I wouldnt have asked her that question for a thousand pounds How lovely she looks when she blushes Hell confuse her though as sure as fate No not a bit of it That was dignified wasnt it How the words rang Of course not I say Jack this will be as good as a lesson in elocution for us
Raeburn looks up at that for the first time Well poor devil However much baited he can at any rate feel proud of his daughter
Then came a long pause For the fire of questions was so sharp that the two would not break the thread by speaking Once or twice some particularly irritating question was ruled by the judge to be inadmissible upon which Mr Cringer looked in a hesitatingly courteous manner toward him and obeyed orders with a smiling deference then facing round upon Erica with a little additional venom he visited his annoyance upon her by exerting all his unrivaled skill in endeavoring to make her contradict herself
Youll make nothing of this one Cringer one of his friends had said to him at the beginning of Ericas evidence And he had smiled confidently by way of reply All the more was he now determined not to be worsted by a young girl whom he ought to be able to put out of countenance in ten minutes
The result of this was that in the words of the newspaper reports the witnesss evidence was not concluded when the court rose This was perhaps the greatest part of the trial to Erica She had hoped not only for her own but for her fathers sake that her evidence might all be taken in one day and Mr Cringer while really harming his own cause by prolonging her evidence inflicted no slight punishment on the most troublesome witness he had ever had to deal with
The next morning it all came over again with increased disagreeableness
Erica always was the plucky one said Tom to his mother as they watched her enter the witness box She always did the confessing when we got into scrapes I only hope that brute of a Cringer wont put her out of countenance
He need not have feared though in truth Erica was tried to the utmost To begin with it was one of the very hottest of the dogdays and the court was crowded to suffocation This was what the public considered the most interesting day of the trial for it was the most personal one and the English have as great a taste for personalities as the Americans though it is not so constantly gratified Apparently Mr Cringer being a shrewd man had managed in the night watches to calculate Ericas one vulnerable point She was fatally clearheaded most aggravatingly and palpably truthful most unfortunately fascinating and though naturally quicktempered most annoyingly selfcontrolled But she was evidently delicate If he could sufficiently harass and tire her he might make her say pretty much what he pleased
This at least was the conclusion at which he had arrived And if it was indeed his duty to the defendant to exhaust both fair means and foul in the endeavor to win him his case then he certainly fulfilled his duty For six long hours with only a brief interval for luncheon Erica was baited badgered tormented with questions which in themselves were insults assured that she had said what she had not said tempted to say what she did not mean involved in fruitless discussions about places and dates and in fact so thoroughly tortured that most girls would long before have succumbed She did not succumb but she grew whiter and whiter save when some vile insinuation brought a momentary wave of crimson across her face
Tom listened breathlessly to the examination which went on in a constant crescendo of bitterness
The plaintiff was in the habit of doing this
Yes
Your suspicion was naturally excited then
Certainly not
Not excited incredulously
Not in the least
You are an inmate of the plaintiffs house I believe
I am
But this has not always been the case
All my life with the exception of two years
Your reason for the two years absence had a connection with the plaintiffs mode of life had it not
Not in the sense you wish to imply It had a connection with our extreme poverty
Though an inmate of you fathers house you are often away from home
No very rarely
Oblige me by giving a straightforward answer What do you mean by rarely
Very seldom
This is mere equivocation will you give me a straightforward reply
I cant make it more so said Erica keeping her temper perfectly and replying to the nagging interrogatories Do you mean once a year twice a year etc etc with a steady patience which foiled Mr Cringer effectually He opened a fresh subject
Do you remember the 1st of September last year
I do
Do you remember what happened then
Partridge shooting began
There was much laughter at this reply she made it partly because even now the comic side of everything struck her partly because she wanted to gain time What in the world was Mr Cringer driving at
Did not something occur that night in Guilford Terrace which you were anxious to conceal
For a moment Erica was dumfounded It flashed upon her that he knew of the Haeberlein adventure and meant to serve his purpose by distorting it into something very different Luckily she was almost as rapid a thinker as her father she saw that there was before her a choice of two evils She must either allow Mr Cringer to put an atrocious construction on her unqualified yes or she must boldly avow Haeberleins visit
With regard to my father there was nothing to conceal she replied
Will you swear that there was NOTHING to conceal
With regard to my father there was nothing to conceal she replied
Dont bandy words with me Will you repeat my formula Nothing to conceal
No I will not repeat that
You admit that there WAS something to conceal
If you call Eric Haeberlein something yes
There was a great sensation in the court at these words But Mr Cringer was nonplused The mysterious something out of which he had intended to make such capital was turned into a boldly avowed reality a reality which would avail him nothing Moreover most people would now see through his very unworthy maneuvers Furiously he hurled question upon question at Erica He surpassed himself in sheer bullying By this time too she was very weary The long hours of standing the insufferable atmosphere the incessant stabs at her fathers character made the examination almost intolerable And the difficulty of answering the fire of questions was great She struggled on however until the time came when Raeburn stood up to ask whether a certain question was allowable She looked at him then for the first time saw how terribly he was feeling her interminable examination and for a moment lost heart The rows of people grew hazy and indistinct Mr Cringers face got all mixed up with his wig she had to hold tightly to the railing How much longer could she endure
Yet you doubtless thought this probable continued her tormentor
Oh no On the contrary quite the reverse said Erica with a momentary touch of humor
Are you acquainted with the popular saying None are so blind as those who will not see
The tone was so insulting that indignation restored Erica to her full strength she was stung into giving a sharp retort
Yes she said very quietly It has often occurred to me during this action as strangely applicable to the defendant
Mr Cringer looked as if he could have eaten her There was a burst of applause which was speedily suppressed
Yet you do not of course mean to deny the whole allegation
Emphatically
Are you aware that people will think you either a deluded innocent or an infamous deceiver
I am not here to consider what people may think of me but to speak the truth
And as she spoke she involuntarily glanced toward those twelve fellowcountrymen of hers upon whose verdict so much depended Probably even the oldest even the coldest of the jurymen felt his heart beat a little faster as those beautiful sad honest eyes scanned the jury box As for the counsel for the defense he prudently accepted his defeat and as Raeburn would not ask a single question of his daughter in crossexamination another witness was called
Long after it was a favorite story among the young barristers of how Mr Cringer was checkmated by Raeburns daughter
The case dragged on its weary length till August At last when two months of the public time had been consumed when something like 20000 pounds had been spent when most bitter resentment had been stirred up among the secularists Mr Pogsons defense came to an end Raeburns reply was short but effective and the jury returned a verdict in his favor fixing the damages however at the very lowest sum not because they doubted that Raeburn had been most grossly libeled but because the plaintiff had the misfortune to be an atheist
CHAPTER XXXVI Roses Adventure
If Christians would teach Infidels to be just to
Christianity they should themselves be just to infidelity
John Stuart Mill
The green room was one of those rooms which show to most advantage on a winter evening attractive and comfortable at all times it nevertheless reached its highest degree of comfort when the dusky green curtains were drawn when the old wainscoted walls were lighted up by the red glow from the fire and the wellworn books on the shelves were mellowed by the soft light into a uniform and respectable brown One November evening when without was the thickest of London fogs Erica was sitting at her writing table with Friskarina on her lap and Tottie curled up at her feet preparing for one of her science classes when she was interrupted by the sound of a cab drawing up speedily followed by a loud ring at the bell
Surely Monsieur Noirol cant have come already she said to herself looking at her watch It was just six oclock a whole hour before dinner time Steps were approaching the door however and she was just inhospitably wishing her guest elsewhere when to her intense amazement the servant announced Miss FaneSmith
She started forward with an exclamation of incredulity for it seemed absurd to think of Rose actually coming to see her in her fathers house But incredulity was no longer possible when Rose herself entered in ulster and traveling hat with her saucy laughing face and her invariable content with herself and the world in general
Why Erica she cried kissing her on both cheeks I dont believe youre half properly glad to see me Did you think it was my wraith I assure you its my own self in the flesh and very cold flesh too What a delightful room Id no idea atheists homes were so much like other peoples You coldhearted little cousin why dont you welcome me
I am very glad to see you said Erica kissing her again But Rose what did bring you here
A fusty old cab a fourwheeler a growler dont you call them But if you knew why I have come to you in this unexpected way you would treat me like the heroine I am and not stand there like an incarnation of prudent hesitation Ive bee treated like the man in the parable Ive fallen among thieves and am left with my raiment certainly but not a farthing besides in the world And now of course youll enact the good Samaritan
Come and get warm said Erica drawing a chair toward the fire but still feeling uncomfortable at the idea of Mr FaneSmiths horror and dismay could he have seen his daughters situation
How do you come to be in town Rose and where were you robbed
Why I was going to stay with the Alburys at Sandgale and left home about three but at Paddington when I went to get my ticket lo and behold my purse had disappeared and I was left lamenting like Lord Ullin in the song
Have you any idea who took it
Yes I rather think it must have been a man on the Paddington platform who walked with a limp I remember his pushing up against me very roughly and I suppose that was when he took it The porters were all horrid about it though I could get no one to help me and I hadnt even the money to get my ticket At last an old lady who had heard of my penniless condition advised me to go to any friends I might happen to have in London and I bethought me of my cousin Erica You will befriend me wont you For it is impossible to get to Sandgale tonight there is no other train stopping there
I wish I knew what was right said Erica looking much perplexed You see Rose Im afraid Mr FaneSmith would not like you to come here
Oh nonsense said Rose laughing He couldnt mind in such a case as this Why I cant stay in the street all night Besides he doesnt know anything about your home how should he
This was true enough but still Erica hesitated
Who was that whitehaired patriarchallooking man whom I met in the hall asked Rose A sort of devotional quakerkind of man
Erica laughed aloud at this description
Thats my father she said and before she had quite recovered her gravity Raeburn came into the room with some papers which he wanted copied
Father said Erica this is Rose and she has come to ask our help because her purse has been stolen at Paddington and she is stranded in London with no money
It sounds dreadfully like begging said Rose looking up into the brown eyes which seemed half kindly half critical
They smiled at this and became at once only kind and hospitable
Not in the least he said I am very glad you came to us
And then he began to ask her many practical questions about her adventure ending by promising to put the matter at once into the hands of the police They were just discussing the impossibility of getting to Sandgale that evening when Tom came into the room
Where is mother he asked She has kept her cab at the door at least ten minutes I had to give the fellow an extra sixpence
That wasnt aunties cab said Erica she came home half an hour ago it was Roses cab I hope you didnt send away her boxes
I beg your pardon said Tom looking much surprised and a little amused The boxes are safe in the hall but Im afraid the cab is gone beyond recall
You see it is evidently meant that I should quarter myself upon you said Rose laughing
Upon which Raeburn with a grave and slightly repressive courtesy said they should be very happy if she would stay with them
That will make my adventure perfect said Rose her eyes dancing
At which Raeburn smiled again amused to think of the uneventful life in which such a trifling incident could seem an adventure
It seems very inhospitable said Erica but dont you think Rose you had better go back to Greyshot
No you tiresome piece of prudence I dont said Rose perversely And whats more I wont as Uncle Luke has asked me to stay
Erica felt very uncomfortable she could have spoken decidedly had she been alone with any of the three but she could not before them all say Mr FaneSmith thinks father an incarnation of wickedness and would be horrified if he knew that you were here
Tom had in the meantime walked to the window and drawn aside the curtain
The weather means to settle the question for you he said You really cant go off in such a fog as this it would take you hours to get to Paddington if you ever did get there which is doubtful
They looked out and saw that he had not exaggerated matters the fog had grown much worse since Roses arrival and it had been bad enough then to make traveling by no means safe Erica saw that there was no help for it Mr FaneSmiths anger must be incurred and Rose must stay with them She went away to see that her room was prepared and coming back a little later found that in that brief time Rose had managed to enthrall poor Tom who not being used to the genus was very easily caught his philosophy being by no means proof against a fairhaired brightlooking girl who in a very few moments made him feel that she thought most highly of him and cared as no one had ever cared before for his opinion She had not the smallest intention of doing harm but admiration was what she lived for and to flirt with every man she met had become almost as natural and necessary to her as to breathe
Erica out of loyalty to Mr FaneSmith and regard for Toms future happiness felt bound to be hardhearted and to separate them at dinner Tom used to sit at the bottom of the table as Raeburn did not care for the trouble of carving Erica was at the head with her father in his usual place at her right hand She put Rose in between him and the professor who generally dined with them on Saturday upon the opposite side were Aunt Jean and M Noirol Now Rose who had been quite in her element as long as she had been talking with Tom in the green room felt decidedly out of her element when she was safely ensconced between her whitehaired uncle and the shaggylooking professor If Erica had felt bewildered when first introduced to the gossip and small society talk of Greyshot Rose felt doubly bewildered when for the first time in her life she came into a thoroughly scientific atmosphere She realized that there were a few things which she had yet to learn She was not fond of learning so the discovery was the reverse of pleasant she felt ignorant and humbled liking to be AU FAIT at everything and to know things and do things just a little better than other people Having none of the humility of a true learner she only felt annoyed at her own ignorance not raised and bettered and stimulated by a glimpse of the infinite greatness of science
Raeburn seeing that she was not in the least interested in the discussion of the future of electricity left the professor to continue it with Tom and began to talk to her about the loss of her purse and to tell her of various losses which he had had But Rose had the mortifying consciousness that all the time he talked he was listening to the conversation between Erica and M Noirol As far as Rose could make out it was on French politics but they spoke so fast that her indifferent school French was of very little service to her By and by Raeburn was drawn into the discussion and Rose was left to amuse herself as well as she could by listening to a rapid flow of unintelligible French on one side and to equally unintelligible scientific talk on the other By and by this was merged into a discussion some recent book They seemed to get deeply interested in a dispute as to whether Spinoza was or was not at any time in his life a Cartesian
Rose really listened to this for want of something better to do and Raeburn thinking that he had been neglecting her and much relieved at the thought that he had at length found some point of mutual interest asked her whether she had read the book in question
Oh I have no time for reading said Rose
He looked a little amused at this statement Rose continued
Who was Spinoza I never heard any of his music
He was a philosopher not a composer said Raeburn keeping his countenance with difficulty
What dreadfully learned people you are said Rose with one of her arch smiles But do tell me how can a man be a Cartesian Ive heard of Cartesian wells but never—
She broke off for this was quite too much for Raeburns gravity he laughed but so pleasantly that she laughed too
You are thinking of artesian wells I fancy he said in his kindly voice and he began to give her a brief outline of Descartes philosophy which it is to be feared she did not at all appreciate She was not sorry when Erica appealed to him for some disputed fact in which they all seemed most extraordinarily interested for when the discussion had lasted some minutes Tom went off in the middle of dinner and fetched in two or three bulky books of reference these were eagerly seized upon to the entire disregard of the pudding which was allowed to get cold
Presently the very informal meal was ended by some excellent coffee in the place of the conventional dessert after which came a hurried dispersion as they were all going to some political meeting at the East End Cabs were unattainable and having secured a couple of linkboys they set off apparently in excellent spirits
Fancy turning out on such a night as this said Rose putting her arm within Ericas I am so glad you are not going for now we can really have a cozy talk Ive ever so much to tell you
Erica looked rather wistfully after the torches and the retreating forms as they made their way down the steps she was much disappointed at being obliged to miss this particular meeting but luckily Rose was not in the least likely to find this out for she could not imagine for a moment that any one really cared about missing a political meeting particularly when it would have involved turning out on such a disagreeable night
Erica had persuaded Rose to telegraph both to her friends at Sandgale and to her mother to tell of her adventure and to say that she would go on to Sandgale on the Monday For unfortunately the next day was Sunday and Rose looked so aghast at the very idea of traveling then that Erica could say nothing more though she surmised rightly enough that Mr FaneSmith would have preferred even Sunday traveling to a Sunday spent in Luke Raeburns house There was evidently however no help for it Rose was there and there she must stay all that Erica could do was to keep her as much as might be out of Toms way and to beg the others not to discuss any subjects bearing on their antireligious work and since there was not the smallest temptation to try to make Rose a convert to secularism they were all quite willing to avoid such topics
But in spite of all her care Erica failed most provokingly that day To begin with Rose pleaded a headache and would not go with her to the early service Erica was disappointed but when on coming home she found Rose in the dining room comfortably chatting over the fire to Tom who was evidently in the seventh heaven of happiness she felt as if she could have shaken them both By and by she tried to give Tom a hint which he did not take at all kindly
Women never like to see another woman admired he replied with a sarcastic smile
But Tom she pleaded her father would be so dreadfully angry if he saw the way you go on with her
Oh shut up do about her father said Tom crossly You have crammed him down our throats quite enough
It was of no use to say more but she went away feeling sore and ruffled She was just about to set off with Rose to Charles Osmonds church when the door of the study was hastily opened
Have you seen the last Longstaff Mercury said Raeburn in the voice which meant that he was worried and much pressed for time
It was in here yesterday said Erica
Then Tom you must have moved it said Raeburn sharply Its a most provoking thing I specially wanted to quote from it
Ive not touched it said Tom Its those servants they never can leave the papers alone
He was turning over the contents of a paper rack evidently not in the best of tempers Rose sprang forward
Let me help she said with one of her irresistible smiles
Erica felt more provoked than she would have cared to own It was very clear that those two would never find anything
Look here Erica said Raeburn do see if it isnt upstairs Tom is a terrible hand at finding things
So she searched in every nook and cranny of the house and at last found the torn remains of the paper in the house maids cupboard The rest of it had been used for lighting a fire
Raeburn was a good deal annoyed
Surely my dear such things might be prevented he said not crossly but in the sort of forbearing expostulatory tone which a woman dislikes more than anything specially if she happens to be a careful housekeeper
I told you it was your servants said Tom triumphantly
Theyve orders again and again not to touch the newspapers said Erica
Well come along Tom said Raeburn taking up his hat We are very late
They drove off and Erica and Rose made the best of their way to church to find the service begun and seats unattainable Rose was very goodnatured however about the standing She began faintly to perceive that Erica did not lead the easiest of lives also she saw with a sort of wonder what an influence she was in the house and how notwithstanding their difference in creed she was always ready to meet the others on every point where it was possible to do so Rose could not help thinking of a certain friend of hers who having become a ritualist never lost an opportunity of emphasizing the difference between her own views and the views of her family and of Kate Righton at Greyshot who had adopted the most rigid evangelical views and treated her good old father and mother as worldly and unconverted people
In the afternoon Tom had it all his own way Raeburn was in his study preparing for his evening lecture Mrs Craigie had a Bible class at the East End in which she showed up the difficulties and contradictions of the Old and New Testaments Erica had a Bible class in Charles Osmonds parish in which she tried to explain the same difficulties Rose was therefore alone in the green room and quite ready to attract Tom and keep him spellbound for the afternoon It is possible however that no great harm would have been done if the visit had come to a natural end the following day Rose would certainly have thought no more of Tom and Tom might very possibly have come to his senses when she was no longer there to fascinate him But on the Sunday evening when the toils of the day were over and they were all enjoying the restful home quiet which did not come very often in their busy lives Roses visit was brought to an abrupt close
Looked at by an impartial spectator the green room would surely have seemed a model of family peace and even of Sunday restfulness Rose was sitting at the piano playing Mendelssohns Christmas Pieces and giving great pleasure to every one for art was in this house somewhat overshadowed by science and it did not very often happen that they could listen to such playing as Roses which was for that reason a double pleasure Tom was sitting near her looking supremely peaceful On one side of the fireplace Mrs Craigie and Mrs MacNaughton were playing their weekly game of chess On the other side Raeburn had his usual Sunday evening recreation his microscope Erica knelt beside him her auburn head close to his white one as they arranged their specimens or consulted books of reference The professor who had looked in on his way home from the lecture to borrow a review was browsing contentedly among the books on the table with the comfortable sense that he might justifiably read in a desultory holiday fashion
It was upon this peaceful and almost Sabbatical group that a disturbing element entered in the shape of Mr FaneSmith He stood for an instant at the door taking in the scene or rather taking that superficial view which the narrowminded usually take He was shocked at the chessmen shocked at that profane microscope and those weekday sections of plants shocked at the music though he must have heard it played as a voluntary on many church organs and not only shocked but furious at finding his daughter in a very nest of secularists
Every one seemed a little taken aback when he entered He took no notice whatever of Raeburn but went straight up to Rose
Go and put on your things at once he said I have come to take you home
Oh papa began Rose how you—
Not a word Rose Go and dress and dont keep me waiting
Erica with a vain hope of making Mr FaneSmith behave at least civilly came forward and shook hands with him
I dont think you have met my father before she said
Raeburn had come a few steps forward Mr FaneSmith inclined his about a quarter of an inch Raeburn bowed then said to Erica
Perhaps Mr FaneSmith would prefer waiting in my study
Thanks I will wait where I am said Mr FaneSmith pointedly ignoring the master of the house and addressing Erica Thank you as she offered him a chair I prefer to stand Have the goodness to see that Rose is quick
Thinks the chairs atheistical remarked Tom to himself
Raeburn looking a degree more stately than usual stood on the hearth rug with his back to the fire not in the least forgiving his enemy but merely adopting for himself the most dignified role Mr FaneSmith a few paces off with his anger and illconcealed contempt did not show to advantage Something in the relative sizes of the two struck the professor as comically like Landseers Dignity and Impudence He would have smiled at the thought had he not been very angry at the discourteous treatment his friend was receiving Mrs MacNaughton sat with her queen in her hand as though meditating her next move but in reality absorbed in watching the game played by the living chessmen before her Tom at last broke the uncomfortable silence by asking the professor about some of Ericas specimens and at length Rose came down much to every ones relief followed by Erica who had been helping her to collect the things
Are you ready said her father Then come at once
Let me at least say goodbye papa said Rose very angry at being forced to make this undignified and as she rightly felt rude exit
Come at once said Mr FaneSmith in an inexorable voice As he left the room he turned and bowed stiffly
Go down and open the door for them Tom said Raeburn who throughout Mr FaneSmiths visit had maintained a stern stately silence
Tom nothing loth obeyed Erica was already half way downstairs with the guests but he caught them up and managed to say goodbye to Rose even to whisper a hope that they might meet again to which Rose replied with a charming blush and smile which Tom flattered himself meant that she really cared for him Had Rose gone quietly away the next morning he would not have been goaded into any such folly A cab was waiting but when Rose was once inside it her father recovered his power of speech and turned upon Erica as they stood by the front door
I should have thought he said in an angry voice that after our anxiety to persuade you to leave your home you might have known that I should never allow Rose to enter this hell to mix with blaspheming atheists to be contaminated by vile infidels
Ericas Highland hospitality and strong family loyalty were so outraged by the words that to keep silent was impossible
You forget to whom you are speaking she said quickly You forget that this is my fathers house
I would give a good deal to be able to forget said Mr FaneSmith I have tried to deal kindly with you tried to take you from this accursed place and you repay me by tempting Rose to stay with you
Erica had recovered herself by this time Tom watching her could not but wonder at her selfrestraint She did not retaliate did not even attempt to justify her conduct at such a moment words would have been worse than useless But Tom while fully appreciating the common sense of the nonresistance was greatly astonished Was this his old playmate who had always had the most deliciously aggravating retort ready Was this hottempered Erica That Mr FaneSmiths words were hurting her very much he could see he guessed too that the consciousness that he a secularist was looking on at this unfortunate display of Christian intolerance added a sting to her grief
It is useless to profess Christianity stormed Mr FaneSmith if you openly encourage infidelity by consorting with these blasphemers You are no Christian A mere Socinian a Latitudinarian
Ericas lips quivered a little at this but she remembered that Christ had been called harder names still by religious bigots of His day and she kept silence
But understand this continued Mr FaneSmith that I approve less than ever of your intimacy with Rose and until you come to see your folly in staying here your worse than folly your deliberate choice of home and refusal to put religious duty first there had better be no more intercourse between us
Can you indeed think that religious duty ever requires a child to break the fifth commandment said Erica with no anger but with a certain sadness in her tone Can you really think that by leaving my father I should be pleasing a perfectly loving God
You lean entirely on your own judgment said Mr FaneSmith if you were not too proud to be governed by authority you would see that precedent shows you to be entirely in the wrong St John rushed from the building polluted by the heretic Cerinthus a man who compared with your father was almost orthodox
Erica smiled faintly
If that story is indeed true I should think he remembered before long a reproof his intolerance brought him once Ye know not what spirit ye are of And really if we are to fall back upon tradition I may quote the story of Abraham turning the unbeliever out of his tent on a stormy night I have suffered him these hundred years was the Lords reproof though he dishonored Me and couldst thou not endure him for one night I am sorry to distress you but I must do what I know to be right
Dont talk to me of right exclaimed Mr FaneSmith with a shudder You are wilfully putting your blaspheming father before Christ But I see my words are wasted Let me pass The air of this house is intolerable to me
He hurried away his anger flaming up again when Tom followed him closing the door of the cab with punctilious politeness Rose was frightened
Oh papa she said trembling why are you so angry You havent been scolding Erica about it If there was any fault anywhere the fault was mine What did you say to her papa What have you been doing
Mr FaneSmith was in that stage of anger when it is pleasant to repeat all ones hot words to a second audience and moreover he wanted to impress Rose with the enormity of her visit He repeated all that he had said to Erica interspersed with yet harder words about her perverse selfreliance and disregard for authority
Rose listened but at the end she trembled no longer She had in her a bit of the true Raeburn nature with its love of justice and its readiness to stand up for the oppressed
Papa she said all her spoiledchild manners and little affectations giving place to the most perfect earnestness papa you must forgive me for contradicting you but you are indeed very much mistaken I may have been silly to go there Erica did try all she could to persuade me to go back to Greyshot yesterday but I am glad I stayed even though you are so angry about it If there is a noble brave girl on earth it is Erica You dont know what she is to them all and how they all love her I will tell you what this visit has done for me It has made me ashamed of myself and I am going to try to be wiser and less selfish
It was something of an effort to Rose to say this but she had been very much struck with the sight of Ericas home life and she wanted to prove to her father how greatly he had misjudged her cousin Unfortunately there are some people in this world who having once got an idea into their heads will keep it in the teeth of the very clearest evidence to the contrary
In the meantime Tom had rejoined Erica in the hall
How can such a brute have such a daughter he said Never mind Cugina you were a little brick and treated him much better than he deserved If that is a Christian and this a Latitudinarian and all the other heresies he threw at your head all I can say is commend me to your sort and may I never have the misfortune to encounter another of his
Erica did not reply she felt too sick at heart She walked slowly upstairs trying to stifle the weary longing for Brian which though very often present became a degree less bearable when her isolated position between two fires as it were had been specially emphasized
Thats a nice specimen of Christian charity said Aunt Jean as they returned to the green room
And he set upon Erica at the door and hurled hard names at her as fast as he could go said Tom proceeding to give a detailed account of Mr FaneSmiths parting utterances
Erica picked up Tottie and held him closely turning as all lovers of animals do in times of trouble to the comforting devotion of those dumb friends who do not season their love with curiosity or unasked advice or that pity which is less sympathetic than silence and burdens us with the feeling that our sad case will be gossiped over in the same pitying tones at afternoon teas and morning calls Tottie could not gossip but he could talk to her with his bright brown eyes and do something to fill a great blank in her life
Toms account of the scene in the hall made every one angry
And yet said Mrs MacNaughton these Christians who used to us such language as this own as their Master one who taught that a mere angry word which wounded a neighbor should receive severe punishment
Raeburn said nothing only watched Erica keenly She was leaning against the mantel piece her eyes very sadlooking and about her face that expression of earnest listening which is characteristic of those who are beginning to learn the true meaning of humility and righteous judgment She had pushed back the thick waves of hair which usually overshadowed her forehead and looked something between a lion with a tangled mane and a saint with a halo
Never mind said the professor cheerfully it is to bigotry like this that we shall owe our recovery of Erica And seriously what can you think of a religion which can make a man behave like this to one who had never injured him who on the contrary had befriended his child
It is not Christs religion which teaches him to do it said Erica it is the perversion of that religion
Then in all conscience the perversion is vastly more powerful and extended than what you deem the reality
Unfortunately yes said Erica sighing At present it is
At present retorted the professor why you have had more than eighteen hundred years to improve it
You yourself taught me to have patience with the slow processes of nature said Erica smiling a little If you allow unthinkable ages for the perfecting of a layer of rocks do you wonder that in a few hundred years a church is still far from perfect
I expect perfection in no human being said the professor taking up a Bible from the table and turning over the pages with the air of a man who knew its contents well when I see Christians in some sort obeying this I will believe that their system is the true system but not before He guided his finger slowly beneath the following lines Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evilspeaking be put away from you with all malice There is the precept you see and a very good precept to be found in the secularist creed as well but now let us look at the practice See how we secularists are treated Why we live as it were in a foreign land compelled to keep the law yet denied the protection of the law Outlaws of the constitution outlaws of the human race as Burke was kind enough to call us No When I see Christians no longer slandering our leaders no longer coining hateful lies about us out of their own evil imaginations when I see equal justice shown to all men of whatever creed then the allconquering love Christianity has yet to prove itself the religion of love at present it is the religion of exclusion
Mrs MacNaughton who was exceedingly fond of Erica looked sorry for her
You see Erica she said the professor judges by averages No one would deny that some of the greatest men in the world have been and are even in the present day Christians they have been brought up in it and cant free themselves from its trammels You have a few people like the Osmonds a few really liberal men but you have only to see how they are treated by their confreres to realize the illiberality of the religion as a whole
I think with you said Erica that if the revelation of Gods love and His purpose for all be only to be learned from the lives of Christians it is a bad lookout for us But God HAS given us one perfect revelation of Himself and the Perfect Son can make us see plainly even when the imperfect sons are holding up to us a distorted likeness of the Father
She had spoken quietly but with the tremulousness of strong feeling and moreover she was so sensitive that the weight of the hostile atmosphere oppressed her and made speaking a great difficulty When she had ended she turned away from the disapproving eyes to the only sympathetic eyes in the room the dogs They looked up into hers with that wistful endeavor to understand the meaning of something beyond their grasp which makes the eyes of animals so pathetic
There was a silence her use of the adjective perfect had been very trying to all her hearers who strongly disapproved of the whole sentence but then she was so evidently sincere and so thoroughly lovable that no one liked to give her pain
Aunt Jean was the only person who thought there was much chance of her ever returning to the ranks of secularism she was the only one who spoke now
Well well she said pityingly you are but young you will think very differently ten years hence
Erica kept back an angry retort with difficulty and Raeburn whose keen sense of justice was offended instantly came forward in her defense though her words had been like a fresh stab in the old wound
That is no argument Jean he said quickly It is the very unjust extinguisher which the elders use for the suppression of individuality in the young
As he spoke he readjusted a slide in his microscope making it plain to all that he intended the subject to be dropped He had a wonderful way of impressing his individuality on others and the household settled down once more into the Sabbatical calm which had been broken by a bigoted Sabbatarian
Nothing more was heard of Rose nor did Erica have an opportunity of talking over the events of that Sunday with her father for some days for he was exceedingly busy the long weeks wasted during the summer in the wearisome libel case having left upon his hands vast arrears of provincial work In some of the large iron foundries you may see hundreds of different machines all kept in action by a forty horsepower engine and Raeburn was the great motivepower which gave life to all the branches of Raeburnites which now stretched throughout the length and breadth of the land Without him they would have relapsed very probably into that fearfully widespread mass of indifference which is not touched by any form of Christianity or religious revival but which had responded to the practical secular teaching of the singularly powerful secularist leader He had a wonderful gift of stirring up the heretofore indifferent and making them take a really deep interest in national questions This was by far the happiest part of his life because it was the healthy part of it The sameness of his antitheological work and the barrenness of mere downpulling were distasteful enough to him he was often heartily sick of it all and had he not thought it a positive duty to attack what he deemed a very mischievous delusion he would gladly have handed over this part of his work to some one else and devoted himself entirely to national work
He had been away from home for several days lecturing in the north of England Erica was not expecting his return till the following day when one evening a telegram was brought in to her It was from her father to this effect
Expect me home by mail train about two AM Place too hot to hold me
He had now to a great extent lived down the opposition which had made lecturing in his younger days a matter of no small risk to life and limb but Erica knew that there were reasons which made the people of Ashborough particularly angry with him just now Ashborough was one of those strange towns which can never be depended upon It was renowned for its riots and was in fact to use a slang word a rowdy place More than once in the old days Raeburn had been roughly handled there and Erica bore a special grudge to it for it was the scene of her earliest recollection one of those dark pictures which having been indelibly traced on the heart of a child influence the whole character and the future life far more than some people think
It was perhaps old memory which made her waiting so anxious that evening Moreover she had at first no one to talk to which made it much worse Aunt Jean had gone to bed with a bad toothache and must on no account be disturbed and Tom had suddenly announced his intention that morning of going down to Brighton on his bicycle and had set off rather to Ericas dismay since in a letter to Charles Osmond Donovan happened to have mentioned that the FaneSmiths had taken a house there for six weeks She hated herself for being suspicious but Tom had been so unlike himself since Roses visit and it was such an unheardof thing that he should take a days holiday during her fathers absence that it was scarcely possible to avoid drawing the natural inference She was very unhappy about him but did not of course feel justified in saying a word to any one else about the matter Charles Osmond happened to look in for a few minutes later on expecting to find Raeburn at home and then in her relief she did give him an account of the unfortunate Sunday though avoiding all mention of Tom
It was just like you to come at the very time I was wanting some one to talk to she said sitting down in her favorite nook on the hearth rug with Friskie on her lap Not a word has been said of that miserable Sunday since though Im afraid a good deal has been thought After all you know there was a ludicrous side to it as well I shall never forget the look of them all when Rose and I came down again Mr FaneSmith standing there by the table the very incarnation of contemptuous anger and father just here looking like a tired thunder cloud But though one laughs at one aspect of it one could cry ones eyes out over the thing as a whole indeed just now I find myself agreeing with Mr Tulliver that its a puzzling world
The fact is said Charles Osmond that you consent patiently enough to share Gods pain over those who dont believe in Him but you grumble sorely at finding a lack of charity in the world yet that pain is Gods too
Yes sighed Erica but somehow from Christians it seems so hard
Quite true child he replied half absently It is hard most hard But dont let it make you uncharitable Erica You are sharing Gods pain but remember it is only His perfect love which makes that pain bearable
I do find it hard to love bigots said Erica sighing They What do they know about the thousand difficulties which have driven people into secularism If they could but see that they and their narrow theories and their false distortions of Christs Gospel are the real cause of it all there would be some hope But they either cant see it or wont
My dear were all a lot of blind puppies together said Charles Osmond We tumble up against each other just for want of eyes We shall see when we get to the end of the nine days you know
You see now said Erica you never hurt us and rub us the wrong way
Perhaps not he replied laughing But Mr Roberts and some of my other brethren would tell a different tale By the bye would you care to help another befogged mortal who is in the region you are safely out of The evolution theory is the difficulty and if you have time to enter into his trouble I think you could help him much better than I can If I could see him I might tackle him but I cant do it on paper You could I think and as the fellow lives at the other side of the world one can do nothing except by correspondence
Erica was delighted to undertake the task and she was particularly well fitted for it Perhaps no one is really qualified for the post of a clearer of doubts who has not himself faced and conquered doubts of a similar nature
So there was a new interest for her on that long lonely evening and as she waited for her fathers return she had time to think out quietly the various points which she would first take up By and by she slept a little and then in the silence of the night crept down to the lower regions to add something to the tempting little supper which she had ready in the green room But time crept on and in the silence she could hear dozens of clocks telling each hour and the train had been long due and still her father did not come
At last she became too anxious to read or think to any purpose she drew aside the curtain and in spite of the cold curled herself upon the window seat with her face pressed close to the glass Watching in a literal sense was impossible for there was a dense fog if possible worse than the fog of the preceding Saturday but she had the feeling that to be by the window made her in some unaccountable way nearer to her father and it certainly had the effect of showing her that there was a very good reason for unpunctuality
The old square was as quiet as death Once a policeman raised her hopes for a minute by pacing slowly up the pavement but he passed on and all was still once more except that every now and then the furniture in the room creaked making the eerie stillness all the more noticeable Erica began to shiver a little more from apprehension than from cold She wished the telegram had come from any other town in England and tried in vain not to conjure up a hundred horrible visions of possible catastrophes At length she heard steps in the distance and straining her eyes to penetrate the thick darkness of the murky night was able to make out just beneath the window a sort of yellow glare She ran downstairs at full speed to open the door and there upon the step stood a linkboy the tawny light from his torch showing up to perfection the magnificent proportions of the man in a shaggy brown Inverness who stood beside him and bringing into strong relief the masses of white hair and the rugged Scottish face which spite of cold and great weariness bore its usual expression of philosophic calm
I thought you were never coming said Erica Why you must be half frozen What a night it is
Weve been more than an hour groping our way from the station said Raeburn and cabs were unattainable Then turning to the linkboy Come in you are as cold and hungry as I am Have you got something hot Eric
Soup and coffee said Erica Which would he like best
The boy gave his vote for soup and having seen him thoroughly satisfied and well paid they sent him home and to his dying day he was proud to tell the story of the foggy night when the peoples tribune had given him half of his own supper The father and daughter were soon comfortably installed beside the green room fire Raeburn making a hearty meal though it was past three oclock
I never dreamed of finding you up little son Eric he said when the warmth and the food had revived him I only telegraphed for fear you should lock up for the night and leave me to shiver unknown on the doorstep
But what happened asked Erica Why couldnt you lecture
Ashborough had worked itself up into one of its tumults and the fools of authorities thought it would excite a breach of the peace which was excited quite as much and probably more by my not lecturing But Im not going to be beaten I shall go down there again in a few weeks
Was there any rioting
Well there was a roughish mob who prevented my eating my dinner in peace and pursued me even into my bedroom and some of the Ashborough lambs were kind enough to overturn my cab as I was going to the station But having escaped with nothing worse than a shaking Ill forgive them for that The fact is they had burned me in effigy on the 5th and had so much enjoyed the ceremony that when the original turned up they really couldnt be civil to him it would have been so very tame Im told the effigy was such a fearfullooking monster that it frightened the bairnies out of their wits specially as it was first carried all round the place on a parish coffin
What a hateful plan that effigyburning is said Erica Were you not really hurt at all when they upset your cab
Perhaps a little bruised said Raeburn and somewhat angry with my charitable opponents I didnt so much mind being overturned but I hate being balked They shall have the lecture however before long Im not going to be beaten On the whole they couldnt have chosen a worse night for their little game I seriously thought we should never grope our way home through that fog It has quite taken me back to my young days when this sort of thing met one on every hand and there was no little daughter to cheer me up then and very often no supper either
That was when you were living in Blank Street
Yes in a room about the size of a sentry box It was bearable all except the black beetles Ive never seen such beetles before or since twice the size of the ordinary ones I couldnt convince the landlady that they even existed she always maintained that they never rose to the attics but one night I armed myself with Crudens Concordance and thanks to its weight and my good aim killed six at a time and produced the corpses as evidence I shall never forget the good ladys face You see sir she said they never come by day they ates the light because their deeds is evil
Were the beetles banished after that asked Erica laughing
No they went on to the bitter end said Raeburn with one of his bright humorous looks And I believe the landlady put it all down to my atheistical views a just retribution for harboring such a notorious fellow in her house But there my child we mustnt sit up any longer gossiping run off to bed Ill see that the lights are all out
CHAPTER XXXVII Dreeing Out the Inch
Skepticism for that century we must consider as the decay of
old ways of believing the preparation afar off for new
better and wider ways an inevitable thing We will not
blame men for it we will lament their hard fate We will
understand that destruction of old forms is not destruction
of everlasting substances that skepticism as sorrowful and
hateful as we see it is not an end but a beginning
Carlyle
One June evening an elderly man with closely cropped irongray hair might have been seen in a certain railway carriage as the Folkestone train reached its destination The Cannon Street platform was as usual the scene of bustle and confusion most of the passengers were met by friends or relatives others formed a complete party in themselves and with the exception of the elderly man there was scarcely a unit among them The fact of his loneliness would not of course have been specially remarkable had it not been that he was evidently in the last stage of some painful illness he was also a foreigner and not being accustomed to the English luggage system he had failed to secure a porter as the train drew up and so while the others were fighting their way to the van he who needed assistance more than any of them was left to shift for himself He moved with great difficulty dragging down from the carriage a worn black bag and occasionally muttering to himself not as a peevish invalid would have done but as if it were a sort of solace to his loneliness
The hardest day Ive had this If I had but my Herzblattchen now how quickly she would pilot me through this throng Ah well Having managed to do the rest Ill not be beaten by this last bit Potztausend These English are all elbows
He frowned with pain as the selfseeking crowd pushed and jostled him but never once lost his temper and at length after long waiting his turn came and having secured his portmanteau he was before long driving away in the direction of Bloomsbury His strength was fast ebbing away and the merciless jolting of the cab evidently tried him to the utmost but he bore up with the strong endurance of one who knows that at the end of the struggle relief awaits him
If he is only at home he muttered to himself all will be well Hell know where I ought to go hell do it all for me in the best way ACH Gott in himmel But I need some one
With an excruciating jerk the cab drew up before a somewhat grimlooking house Had he arrived at the himmel he had just been speaking of the traveler could not have given an exclamation of greater relief He crawled up the steps overruled some question on the part of the servant and was shown into a brightly lighted room At one glance he had taken in the whole of that restful picture so welcome to his sore need It was a good sized room lined with books which had evidently seen good service many of them had been bought with the price of foregone meals almost all of them embodied some act of denial Above the mantel piece hung a little oil painting of a river scene the sole thing not strictly of a useful order for the rest of the contents of this study were all admirably adapted for working purposes but were the reverse of luxurious
Seated at the writing table was the master of the house who had impressed his character plainly enough on his surroundings He looked up with an expression of blank astonishment on hearing the name of his visitor then the astonishment changed to incredulity but when the weary traveler actually entered the room he started up with an exclamation of delight which very speedily gave place to dismay when he saw how ill his friend was
Why Haeberlein he said grasping his hand what has happened to you
Nothing very remarkable replied Haeberlein smiling Only a great wish to see you before I die Then seeing that Raeburns face changed fearfully at these words Yes it has come to that my friend Ive a very short time left and I wanted to see you can you tell me of rooms near here and of a decent doctor
Of a doctor yes said Raeburn of one who will save your life I hope and for rooms there are none that I know of except in this house where you will of course stay
With the little Herzblattchen to nurse me said Haeberlein with a sigh of weary content as he sank back in an arm chair That would be a very perfect ending but think what the world would say of you if I who have lent a hand to so much that you disapprove died in your house inevitably you would be associated with my views and my doings
May be said Raeburn But I hope I may say that Ive never refused to do what was right for fear of unpleasant consequences No no my friend you must stay here A hard life has taught me that for one in my position it is mere waste of time to consider what people will say they will say and believe the worst that can be said and believed about me and thirty years of this sort of thing has taught me to pay very little regard to appearances
As he spoke he took up the end of a speaking tube which communicated with the green room Haeberlein watching his movements with the placid weary indifference of one who is perfectly convinced that he is in the right hands Presently the door opened and Erica came in Haeberlein saw now what he had half fancied at Salzburg that although loving diminutives would always come naturally to the lips when speaking of Erica she had in truth lost the extreme youthfulness of manner which had always characterized her It had to a great extent been crushed out of her by the long months of wearing anxiety and though she was often as merry and kittenish as ever her habitual manner was that of a strong quick temperament kept in check The restraint showed in everything She was much more ready to hear and much less ready to criticize her humorous talk was freer from sarcasm her whole bearing characterized by a sort of quiet steadfastness which made her curiously like her father His philosophical calm had indeed been gained in a very different way but in each the calmness was the direct result of exceptionally trying circumstances brought to bear on a noble nature
Herr Haeberlein has come here to be nursed said Raeburn when the greetings were over Will you see that a room is got ready dear
He went out into the hall to dismiss the cab and Haeberlein seized the opportunity to correct his words
He thinks I shall get better but it is impossible my Herzblattchen it is only a question of weeks now possibly only of days Was I wrong to come to you
Of course not she said with the sort of tender deference with which she always spoke to him Did you think father would let you go anywhere else
I didnt think about it said Haeberlein wearily but he wouldnt you see
Raeburn returned while he was speaking and Erica went away quickly to see to the necessary preparations Herr Haeberlein had come and she did not for a moment question the rightness of her fathers decision but yet in her heart she was troubled about it and she could see that both her aunt and Tom were troubled too The fact was that for some time they had seen plainly enough that Raeburns health was failing and they dreaded any additional anxiety for him A man can not be involved in continual and harassing litigation and at the same time agitate perseveringly for reform edit a newspaper write books rush from Lands End to John OGroats deliver lectures speak at mass meetings teach science befriend every unjustly used person and go through the enormous amount of correspondence personal supervision and inevitable interviewing which falls to the lot of every popular leader without sooner or later breaking down
Haeberlein had come however and there was no help for it They all did their very utmost for him and those last weeks of tender nursing were perhaps the happiest of his life Raeburn never allowed any one to see how the lingering expectation the dark shadow of the coming sorrow tried him He lived his usual busy life snatching an hour whenever he could to help in the work of nursing and bringing into the sick room the strange influence of his strength and serenity
The time wore slowly on Haeberlein though growing perceptibly weaker still lingered able now and then to enter into conversation but for the most part just lying in patient silence listening with a curious impartiality to whatever they chose to read to him or whatever they began to talk about He had all his life been a man of no particular creed and he retained his curious indifference to the end though Erica found that he had a sort of vague belief in a First Cause and a shadowy expectation of a personal existence after death She found this out through Brian who had a way of getting at the minds of his patients
One very hot afternoon she had been with him for several hours when about five oclock her father came into the room Another prosecution under the blasphemy Laws had just commenced He had spent the whole day in a stifling law court and even to the dying man his exhaustion was apparent
Things gone badly he asked
Much as I expected said Raeburn taking up a Marechal Niel rose from the table and studying it abstractedly Ive had a sentence of Auerbachs in my head all day The martyrdom of the modern world consists of a long array of thousands of trifling annoyances These things are in themselves insignificant but multiplication makes them a great power You have been feeling this heat Im afraid I will relieve guard Erica Is your article ready
Not quite she replied pausing to arrange Haeberleins pillows while her father raised him
Thank you little Herzblattchen he said stroking her cheek auf wiedersehen
Auf wiedersehen she replied brightly and gathering up some papers ran downstairs to finish her work for the Daily Review
A few minutes later Brian came in for his second visit
Any change he asked
None I think she answered and went on with her writing with an apprehensive glance every now and then at the clock The office boy was mercifully late however and it must have been quite half an hour after she had left Haeberleins room that she heard his unwelcome ring Late as it was she was obliged to keep him waiting a few minutes for it was exceedingly difficult in those days to get her work done Not only was the time hard to obtain but the writing itself was a difficulty her mind was occupied with so many other things and her strength was so overtasked that it was often an effort almost intolerable to sit down and write on the appointed subject
She was in the hall giving her manuscript to the boy when she saw her father come downstairs she followed him into the study and one look at his face told her what had happened He was leaning back in the chair in which but a few weeks before she had seen Haeberlein himself it came over her with a shudder that he looked almost as ill now as his friend had looked She sat down on the arm of his chair and slipped her hand into his but did not dare to break the silence At last he looked up
I think you know it he said It is all over Erica
Was Brian there she asked
Happily yes but there was nothing to be done The end was strangely sudden and quite painless just what one would have wished for him But oh child I can ill spare such a friend just now
His voice failed and great tears gathered in his eyes He let his head rest for a minute on Ericas shoulder conscious of a sort of relief in the clasp of arms which had so often in weak babyhood clung to him for help conscious of the only comfort there could be for him as his childs kisses fell on his lips and brow and hair
I am overdone child he said at length as though to account for breaking down albeit by the confession which but a short time before he would never have made that his strength was failing
All through the dreary days that followed Erica was haunted by those words The work had to go on just as usual and it seemed to tell on her father fearfully The very cay after Haeberleins death it was necessary for him to speak at a mass meeting in the north of England and he came back from it almost voiceless and so ill that they were at their wits end to know what to do with him The morrow did not mend matters for the jury disagreed in the blasphemy trial and the whole thing had to be gone through again
A more trying combination of events could hardly have been imagined and Erica as she stood in the crowded cemetery next day at the funeral thought infinitely less of the quixotic Haeberlein whom she had nevertheless loved very sincerely than of her sorely overtasked father He was evidently in dread of breaking down and it was with the greatest difficulty that he got through his oration To all present the sight was a most painful one and although the musical voice was hoarse and strained seeming indeed to tear out each sentence by sheer force of will the orator had never carried his audience more completely with him Their tears were however more for the living than for the dead for the man who was struggling with all his might to restrain his emotion painfully spurring on his exhausted powers to fulfill the duty in hand More than once Erica thought he would have fainted and she was fully prepared for the small crowd of friends who gathered round her afterward begging her to persuade him to rest The worst of it was that she could see no prospect of rest for him though she knew how sorely he longed for it He spoke of it as they drove home
Ive an almost intolerable longing for quiet he said to her Do you remember Mills passage about the two main constituents of a satisfied life excitement and tranquillity How willingly would I change places today with that Tyrolese fellow whom we saw last year
Oh If we could but go to the Tyrol again exclaimed Erica but Raeburn shook his head
Out of the question just now my child but next week when this blasphemy trial is over I must try to get a few days holiday that is to say if I dont find myself in prison
She sighed the sigh of one who is burdened almost beyond endurance For recent events had proved to her only too plainly that her confidence that no jury would be found to convict a man under the old blasphemy laws was quite mistaken
That evening however her thoughts were a little diverted from her father For the first time for many months she had a letter from Rose It was to announce her engagement to Captain Golightly Rose seemed very happy but there was an undertone of regret about the letter which was uncomfortably suggestive of her flirtation with Tom Also there were sentences which to Erica were enigmatical about having been so foolish last summer and wishing that she could live that Brighton time over again All she could do was to choose the time and place for telling Tom with discrimination No opportunity presented itself till late in the evening when she went down as usual to say good night to him taking Roses letter with her Tom was in his den a small room consecrated to the goddess of disorder books papers electric batteries crucibles chemicals new temperance beverages and fishing rods were gathered together in wild confusion Tom himself was stirring something in a pipkin over the gas stove when Erica came in
An unfallible cure for the drunkards craving after alcohol he said looking up at her with a smile A thing of my own invention to quote the knight in Through the Looking Glass Try some
No thank you said Erica recoiling a little from the very odoriferous contents of the pipkin I have had a letter from Rose this evening
Tom started visibly
What has Mr FaneSmith relented he asked
Rose had something special to tell me said Erica unfolding the letter
But Tom just took it from her hands without ceremony and began to read it A dark flush came over his face Erica saw that much but afterward would not look at him feeling that it was hardly fair Presently he gave her the letter once more
Thank you he said in a voice so cold and bitter that she could hardly believe it to be his As you probably see I have been a fool I shall know better how to trust a woman in the future
Oh Tom she cried Dont let it—
He interrupted her
I dont wish to talk he said Least of all to one who has adopted the religion which Miss FaneSmith has been brought up in a religion which of necessity debases and degrades its votaries
Her eyes filled with tears but she new that Christianity would in this case be better vindicated by silence than by words however eloquent She just kissed him and wished him good night But as she reached the door his heart smote him
I dont say it has debased you he said but that that is its natural tendency You are better than your creed
He meant that by way of consolation thought Erica to herself as she went slowly upstairs fighting with her tears
But of course the consolation had been merely a sharper stab for to tell a Christian that he is better than his creed is the one intolerable thing
What had been the extent of the understanding with Rose Erica never learned but she feared that it must have been equivalent to a promise in Toms eyes and much more serious than mere flirtation in Roses otherwise the regret in the letter was from one of Roses way of thinking inexplicable From that time there was a marked change in Tom Erica was very unhappy about him but there was little to be done except indeed to share all his interests as much as she could and to try to make the home life pleasant But this was by no means easy To begin with Raeburn himself was more difficult than ever to work with and Tom who was in a hard cynical mood called him overbearing where in former times he would merely have called him decided The very best of men are occasionally irritable when they are nearly worked to death and under the severe strain of those days Raeburns philosophic calm more than once broke down and the quick Highland temper usually kept in admirable restraint made itself felt
It was not however for two or three days after Haeberleins funeral that he showed any other symptoms of illness One evening they were all present at a meeting at the East End at which Donovan Farrant was also speaking Raeburns voice had somewhat recovered and he was speaking with great force and fluency when all at once in the middle of a sentence he came to a dead pause For half a minute he stood motionless before him were the densely packed rows of listening faces but what they had come there to hear he had not the faintest notion His mind was exactly like a sheet of white paper all recollection of the subject he had been speaking on was entirely obliterated Some men would have pleaded illness and escaped others would have blundered on But Raeburn who never lost his presence of mind just turned to the audience and said quietly Will some one have the goodness to tell me what I was saying My memory has played me a trick
Taxation shouted the people
A shorthand writer close to the platform repeated his last sentence and Raeburn at once took the cue and finished his speech with perfect ease Every one felt however that it was an uncomfortable incident and though to the audience Raeburn chose to make a joke of it he knew well enough that it boded no good
You ought to take a rest said Donovan to him when the meeting was over
I own to needing it said Raeburn Pogsons last bit of malice will I hope be quashed in a few days and after that rest may be possible He is of opinion that there are mony ways of killing a dog though ye dinna hang him and upon my word hes not far wrong
He was besieged here by two or three people who wanted to ask his advice and Donovan turned to Erica
He has been feeling all this talk about Herr Haeberlein people say the most atrocious things about him just because he gave him shelter at the last she said Really sometimes the accusations are so absurd that we ourselves cant help laughing at them But though I dont believe in being done to death by slanderous tongues there is no doubt that the constant friction of these small annoyances does tell on my father very perceptibly After all you know the very worst form of torture is merely the perpetual falling of a drop of water on the victims head
I suppose since last summer this sort of thing has been on the increase
Indeed it has she replied It is worse I think than you have any idea of You read your daily paper and your weekly review but every malicious irritating word put forth by every local paper in England Scotland or Ireland comes to us not to speak of all that we get from private sources
On their way home they did all in their power to persuade Raeburn to take an immediate holiday but he only shook his head
Dree out the inch when ye have thold the span he said leaning back wearily in the cab but taking care to give the conversation an abrupt turn before relapsing into silence
At supper as ill luck would have it Aunt Jean relieved her fatigue and anxiety by entering upon one of her old remonstrances with Erica Raeburn was not sitting at the table he was in an easy chair at the other side of the room and possibly she forgot his presence But he heard every word that passed and at last started up with angry impatience
For goodness sake Jean leave the child alone he said Is it not enough for me to be troubled with bitterness and dissension outside without having my home turned into an arguing shop
Erica should have thought of that before she deserted her own party said Aunt Jean before to quote Strauss she had recourse to religious crutches It is she who has introduced the new element into the house
Ericas color rose but she said nothing Aunt Jean seemed rather baffled by her silence Tom watched the little scene with a sort of philosophic interest Raeburn conscious of having spoken sharply to his sister and fearing to lose his temper again paced the room silently Finally he went off to his study leaving them to the unpleasant consciousness that he had been driven out of his own dining room But when he had gone the quarrel was forgotten altogether they forgot differences of creed in a great mutual anxiety Raeburns manner had been so unnatural he had been so unlike himself that in their trouble about it they entirely passed over the original cause of his anger Aunt Jean was as much relieved as any one when before long he opened his door and called for Erica
I have lost my address book he said have you seen it about
She began to search for it fully aware that he had given her something to do for him just out of loving consideration and with the hope that it would take the sting from her aunts hard words When she brought him the book he took her face between both his hands looked at her steadily for a minute and then kissed her
All right little son Eric he said with a sigh We understand each other
But she went upstairs feeling miserable about him and an hour or two later when all the house was silent her feeling of coming trouble grew so much that at length she yielded to one of those strange blind impulses which come to some people and crept noiselessly out on to the dark landing At first all seemed to her perfectly still and perfectly dark but looking down the narrow well of the staircase she could see far below her a streak of light falling across the tiles in the passage She knew that it must come from beneath the door of the study and it meant that her father was still at work He had owned to having a bad headache and had promised not to be late It was perplexing She stole down the next flight of stairs and listened at Toms door then finding that he was still about knocked softly Tom with his feet on the mantel piece was solacing himself with a pipe and a novel he started up however as she came in
Whats the matter he asked is any one ill
I dont know said Erica shivering a little I came to know whether father had much to do tonight did he tell you
He was going to write to Jackson about a situation for the eldest son of that fellow who died the other day you know the widow poor creature is nearly worried out of her life she was here this afternoon The chieftain promised to see about it at once he wouldnt let me write and of course a letter from himself will be more likely to help the boy
But its after one oclock said Erica shivering again he cant have been all this time over it
Well perhaps he is working at something else said Tom Hes not been sleeping well lately I know Last night he got through thirtythree letters and the night before he wrote a long pamphlet
Erica did not look satisfied
Lend me your stove for a minute she said I shall make him a cup of tea
They talked a little about the curious failure of memory noticed for the first time that evening Tom was more like himself than he had been for several days he came downstairs with her to carry a light but she went alone into the study He had not gone up the first flight of stairs however when he heard a cry then his own name called twice in tones that made him thrill all over with a nameless fear He rushed down and pushed open the study door There stood Erica with blanched face Raeburn sat in his customary place at the writing table but his head had fallen forward and though the face was partly hidden by the desk they could see that it was rigid and deathly pale
He has fainted said Tom not allowing the worse fear to overmaster him Run quick and get some water Erica
She obeyed mechanically When she returned Tom had managed to get Raeburn on to the floor and had loosened his cravat he had also noticed that only one letter lay upon the desk abruptly terminating at I am yours sincerely Whether the Luke Raeburn would ever be added seemed to Tom at that moment very doubtful Leaving Erica with her father he rushed across the square to summon Brian returning in a very few minutes with the comforting news that he was at home and would be with them immediately Erica gave a sigh of relief when the quick firm steps were heard on the pavement outside Brian was so closely associated with all the wearing times of illness and anxiety which had come to them in the last six years that in her trouble she almost forgot the day at Fiesole regarding him not as her lover but as the man who had once before saved her fathers life His very presence inspired her with confidence the quiet authority of his manner the calm businesslike way in which he directed things Her anxiety faded away in the consciousness that he knew all about it and would do everything as it should be done Before very long Raeburn showed signs of returning consciousness sighed uneasily then opening his eyes regained his faculties as suddenly as he had lost them
Halloo he exclaimed starting up Whats all this coil about What are you doing to me
They explained things to him
Oh Fainted did I he said musingly I have felt a little faint once or twice lately What day is it What time is it Tom mentioned the meeting of the previous evening and Raeburn seemed to recollect himself He looked at his watch then at the letter on his desk Well its my way to do things thoroughly he said with a smile I must have been off for a couple of hours I am very sorry to have disturbed your slumbers in this way
As he spoke he sat down composedly at his desk picked up the pen and signed his name to the letter They stood and watched him while he folded the sheet and directed the envelope his writing bore a little more markedly than usual the tokens of strong selfrestraint
Perhaps youll just drop that in the pillar on your way home he said to Brian I want Jackson to get it by the first post If you will look in later on I should be glad to have a talk with you At present Im too tired to be overhauled
Then as Brian left the room he turned to Erica
I am sorry to have given you a fright my child but dont worry about me I am only a little overdone
Again that fatal admission which from Raeburns lips was more alarming than a long catalogue of dangerous symptoms from other men
There followed a disturbed night and a long day in a crowded law court then one of the most terrible hours they had ever had to endure while waiting for the verdict which would either consign Raeburn to prison or leave him to peace and freedom So horrible was the suspense that to draw each breath was to Erica a painful effort Even Raeburns composure was a little shaken as those eternal minutes dragged on
The foreman returned The court seemed to throb with excitement Raeburn lifted a calm stern face to hear his fate He knew what no one else in the court knew that this was to him a matter of life and death
Are you agreed gentlemen
Yes
People listened breathlessly
Do you find the defendant guilty or not
Not guilty
The reaction was so sharp as to be almost overpowering But poor Ericas joy was but shortlived She looked at her fathers face and knew that although one anxiety was ended another was already begun
CHAPTER XXXVIII Halcyon Days
There is a sweetness in autumnal days
Which many a lip doth praise
When the earth tired a little and grown mute
Of song and having borne its fruit
Rests for a little ere the winter come
It is not sad to turn the face toward home
Even though it show the journey nearly done
It is not sad to mark the westering sun
Even though we know the night doth come
Silence there is indeed for song
Twilight for noon
But for the steadfast soul and strong
Lifes autumn is as June From the Ode of Life
Anything in the papers this evening asked a young clergyman who was in one of the carriages of the Metropolitan Railway late in the afternoon of an August day
Nothing of much interest replied his wife handing him the newspaper she had been glancing through I see that wretched Raeburn is ill I wish hed die
Oh Broken down at last has he said the other Where is it Oh yes I see Ordered to take immediate and entire rest Will be paralyzed in a week if he doesnt Pleasant alternative that Result of excessive overwork Fancy calling this blasphemous teaching work I could hang that man with my own hands
Erica had had a long and harassing day She was returning from the city where she had gone to obtain leave of absence from Mr Bircham for her father was to go into the quietest country place that could be found and she of course was to accompany him At the Daily Review office she had met with the greatest kindness and she might have gone home cheered and comforted had it not been her lot to overhear this conversation Tom was with her She saw him hastily transcribing the uncharitable remarks and knew that the incident would figure in next weeks IdolBreaker It was only a traceable instance of the harm done by all such words
Will you change carriages asked Tom
Yes she said and as she rose to go she quietly handed her card to the lady who it is to be hoped learned a lesson thereby
But it would be unjust to show only the dark side of the picture Great sympathy and kindness was shown them at that time by many earnest and orthodox Christians and though Raeburn used to accept this sympathy with the remark You see humanity overcomes the baleful influences of religion in the long run yet he was always touched and pleased by the smallest signs of friendliness while to Erica such considerateness was an inestimable help The haste and confusion of those days added to the anxiety told severely on her strength but there is this amount of good in a trying bit of hurrying life the rest when it comes is doubly restful
It was about six oclock on an August evening when Raeburn and Erica reached the little country town of Firdale They were to take up their abode for the next six weeks at a village about three miles off one of the few remaining places in England which maintained its primitive simplicity its peaceful quiet having never been disturbed by shriek of whistle or snort of engine
The journey from town had been short and easy but Raeburn was terribly exhausted by it he complained of such severe headache that they made up their minds to stay that night at Firdale and were soon comfortably established in the most charming old inn which in coaching days had been a place of note Here they dined and afterward Raeburn fell asleep on a big oldfashioned sofa while Erica sat by the open window able in spite of her anxiety to take a sort of restful interest in watching the traffic in the street below Such a quiet easygoing life these Firdale people seemed to lead They moved in such a leisurely way bustle and hurry seemed an unknown thing And yet this was market day as was evident by the country women with their baskets and by occasional processions of sheep or cattle One man went slowly by driving a huge pig he was in sight for quite five minutes dawdling along and allowing the pig to have his own sweet will as far as speed was concerned but occasionally giving him a gentle poke with a stick when he paused to burrow his nose in the mud Small groups of men stood talking at the corner of the market place a big family went by evidently returning from a country walk presently the lamps were lighted and then immense excitement reigned in the little place for at the corner where the two main streets crossed each other at right angles a cheapjack had set up his stall and with flaring naptha lamps to show his goods was selling by auction the most wonderful clocks at the very lowest prices in fact the most superior glass china clothing and furniture that the people of Firdale had ever had the privilege of seeing Erica listened with no little amusement to his fervid appeals to the people not to lose this golden opportunity and to the shy responses of the small crowd which had been attracted and which lingered on tempted yet cautious until the cheapjack had worked himself up into a white heat of energetic oratory and the selling became brisk and lively
By and by the silvery moonlight began to flood the street contrasting strangely with the orange glare of the lamps Erica still leaned her head against the window frame still looked out dreamily at the Firdale life while the soft night wind lightly lifted the hair from her forehead and seemed to lull the pain at her heart
It was only in accordance with the general peacefulness when by and by her father crossed the room looking more like himself than he had done for some days
I am better Eric he said cheerfully better already It is just the consciousness that there is nothing that need be done I feel as if I should sleep tonight He looked out at the moonlit street What a perfect night it is He exclaimed What do you say little one shall we drive over to this rural retreat now The good folks were told to have everything ready and they can hardly lock up before ten
She was so glad to see him take an interest in anything and so greatly relieved by his recovery of strength and spirits that she gladly fell in with the plan and before long they set off in one of the wagonettes belonging to the Shrub Inn
Firdale wound its long street of redroofed houses along a sheltered valley in between fircrowned heights beyond the town lay rich fertilelooking meadows and a winding river bordered by pollard willows Looking across these meadows one could see the massive tower of the church its white pinnacles standing out sharp and clear in the moonlight As Raeburn and Erica crossed the bridge leading out of the town the clock in the tower struck nine and the old chimes began to play the tune which every three hours fell on the ears of the inhabitants of Firdale
Life let us cherish said Raeburn with a smile A good omen for us little one
And whether it was the mere fact that he looked so much more cheerful already or whether the dear old tune with its resolute good humor and determination to make the best of things acted upon Ericas sensitive nature it would be hard to say but she somehow shook off all her cares and enjoyed the novelty of the moonlight drive like a child Before long they were among the fir trees driving along the sandy road the sweet night laden with the delicious scent of pine needles and to the overworked Londoners in itself the most delicious refreshment All at once Raeburn ordered the driver to stop and getting out stooped down by the roadside
What is it asked Erica
Heather he exclaimed tearing it up by handfuls and returning to the carriage laden There Shut your eyes and bury your face in that and you can almost fancy youre on a Scottish mountain Brian deserves anything for sending us to the land of heather it makes me feel like a boy again
The three miles were all too short to please them but at last they reached the little village of Milford and were set down at a compactlooking white house known as Under the Oak
That direction is charming said Raeburn laughing imagine your business letters sent from the Daily Review office to Miss Raeburn Under the Oak Milford Theyll think were living in a tent Youll be nicknamed Deborah
It was not until the next morning that they fully understood the appropriateness of the direction The little white house had been built close to the grand old oak which was the pride of Milford It was indeed a giant of its kind there was something wonderfully fine about its vigorous spread of branches and its enormous girth Close by was a peacefullooking river flowing between green banks fringed with willow and marestail and pink riverherb The house itself had a nice little garden gay with geraniums and gladiolus and bounded by a hedge of sunflowers which would have gladdened the heart of an aesthete All was pure fresh cleanly and perfectly quiet
From the windows nothing was to be seen except the village green with its flocks of geese and its tall sign post the river describing a sort of horseshoe curve round it and spanned by two picturesque bridges In the distance was a small church and a little cluster of houses the village being completed by a blacksmiths forge and a post office To this latter place they had to pay a speedy visit for much to Raeburns amusement Erica had forgotten to bring any ink
To think that a writer in the Daily Review should forget such a necessary of life he said smiling One would think you were your little Cartesianwell cousin instead of a journalist
However the post office was capable of supplying almost anything likely to be needed in the depths of the country you could purchase there bread cakes groceries hobnailed boots paper ink and most delectable toffee
The relief of the country quiet was unlike anything which Erica had known before There was indeed at first a good deal of anxiety about her father His acquiescence in idleness his perfect readiness to spend whole days without even opening a book proved the seriousness of his condition For the first week he was more completely prostrated than she had ever known him to be He would spend whole days on the river too tired even to speak or would drag himself as far as the neighboring wood and stretch himself at full length under the trees while she sat by sketching or writing Bur Brian was satisfied with his improvement when he came down on one of his periodical visits and set Ericas mind at rest about him
You father has such a wonderful constitution he said as they paced to and fro in the little garden I should not be surprised if in a couple of months he is as strong as ever though most men would probably feel such an overstrain to the end of their days
After that the time at Milford was pure happiness Erica learned to love every inch of that lovely neighborhood from the hill of Rocksbury with its firclad heights to Trencharn Lake nestled down among the surrounding heath hills In after years she liked to recall all those peaceful days days when time had ceased to exist at any rate as an element of friction in life There was no hurrying here and the recollection of it afterward was a perpetual happiness The quiet river where they had one day seen an otter a marked event in their uneventful days the farm with its red gables and its crowd of gobbling turkeys the sweetsmelling fir groves with their sandy paths and their own particular wood where beeches oaks and silvery birch trees were intermingled with here and there a tall pine sometimes stately and erect sometimes blown aslant by the wind
Here the winding paths were bordered with golden moss and sheltered by a tangled growth of bracken and bramble with now and then a little clump of heather or a patch of blue harebells Every nook of that place grew familiar to them and had its special associations There was the shady part under the beeches where they spent the hot days and this was always associated with fragments of Macbeth and Julius Caesar There was the cozy nook on the fir hill where in cool September they had read volume after volume of Walter Scott Raeburn not being allowed to have anything but light literature and caring too little for society novels to listen to them even now There was the prettiest part of all down below the bit of sandy cliff riddled with nest holes by the sand martins here they discovered a little spring the natural basin scooped out in the rock festooned with ivy and thickly coated with the pretty green liverwort Never surely was water so cold and clear as that which flowed into the basin with its ground of white sand and overflowed into a little trickling stream while in the distance was heard the roar of the river as it fell into a small waterfall There was the ford from which the place was named and which Erica associated with a long happy day when Brian had come down to see her father She remembered how they had watched the carts and horses splashing though the clear water going in muddy on one side and coming out clean on the other She had just listened in silence to the talk between Brian and her father which happened to turn on Donovan Farrant
They discussed the effect of early education and surroundings upon the generality of men and Raeburn while prophesying great things for Donovans future and hoping that he might live to see his first Budget rather surprised them both by what he said about his tolerable wellknown early life He was a man who found it very difficult to make allowances for temptations he had never felt he was convinced that under Donovans circumstances he should have acted very differently and he made the common mistake of judging others by himself His ruggedly honest nature and stern sense of justice could not get over those past failings However this opinion about the past did not interfere with his present liking of the man He liked him much and when toward the end of their six weeks stay at Milford Donovan invited them to Oakdene he was really pleased to accept the invitation He hoped to be well enough to speak at an important political meeting at Ashborough about the middle of October and as Ashborough was not far from Oakdene Donovan wrote to propose a visit there en route
At length the last evening came Raeburn and Erica climbed Rocksbury for the last time and in the cool of the evening walked slowly home
I have always dreaded old age he said But I shall dread it no more This has been a foretaste of the autumn of life and it has been very peaceful I dont see why the winter should not be the same if I have you with me little one
You shall have me as long as I am alive she said giving his strong hand a little loving squeeze
Truth to tell said Raeburn I thought a few weeks ago that it would be a case of Here lies Luke Raeburn who died of litigation But after all to be able to work to the last is the happiest lot Tis an enviable thing to die in harness
They were walking up a hill a sort of ravine with steep high banks on either side and stately pines stretching their bluegreen foliage up against the evening sky A red glow of sunset made the dark stems look like fiery pillars and presently as they reached the brow of the hill the great crimson globe was revealed to them They both stood in perfect silence watching till it sunk below the horizon
And a great peace filled Ericas heart though at one time her fathers wish would have made her sad and apprehensive In former times she had set her whole heart on his learning before death that he was teaching error Now she had learned to add to Thy will be done the clause which it takes some of us a life time to say Not my will
CHAPTER XXXIX Ashborough
Theres a brave fellow
Theres a man of pluck
A man who is not afraid to say his say
Though a whole towns against him
Longfellow
A mans love is the measure of his fitness for good or bad
company here or elsewhere Oliver Wendell Holmes
The week at Oakdene proved in every way a success Raeburn liked his host heartily and the whole atmosphere of the house was a revelation to him The last morning there had been a little clouded for news had reached them of a terrible colliery accident in the north of England The calamity had a special gloom about it for it might very easily have been prevented the owners having long known that the mine was unsafe
I must say it is a little hard to see how such a horrible sin as carelessness of the lives of human beings can ever bring about the greater good which we believe evil to do said Erica as she took her last walk in the wood with Donovan
Tis hard to see at the time he replied But I am convinced that it is so The sin is never good never right but when men will sin then the result of the sin however frightful brings about more good that the perseverance in sin with no catastrophe would have done A longerdeferred good of course than the good which would have resulted by adhering from the first to the right and so far inferior
Of course said Erica I can see that a certain amount of immediate good may result from this disaster It will make the owners of other mines more careful
And what of the hundred unseen workings that will result from it said Donovan smiling In the first shock of horror one can not even glimpse the larger view but later on—
He paused for a minute they were down in the valley close to the little church he opened the gate and led the way to a bench under the great yew tree Sitting here they could see the recumbent white cross with its everfresh crown of white flowers Erica knew something of the story it told
Shall I tell you what turned me from an antitheist to an atheist said Donovan It was the horror of knowing that a little childs life had been ruined by carelessness I had been taught to believe in a terrific phantom who was severely just but when it seemed that the one quality of justice was gone then I took refuge in the conviction that there could be no God at all That WAS a refuge for the time for it is better to believe in no God than to believe in an immoral God and it was long years before a better refuge found me Yet looking back now over these sevenandtwenty years I see how that one little childs suffering has influenced countless lives How it was just the most beautiful thing that could have happened to her
Erica did not speak for a moment she read half dreamily the words engraved on the tombstone Nearly sixteen years since that short uneventful life had passed into the unseen and yet little Dot was at this moment influencing the worlds history
She was quite cheerful again as they walked home and indeed her relief about her fathers recovery was so great that she could not be unhappy for long about anything They found Raeburn on the terrace with Ralph and Dolly at his heels and the twoyearold baby who went by the name of Pickle on his shoulder
I shall quite miss these bairnies he said as Donovan joined them
Gee up horsey Gee up shouted Pickle from his lofty perch
And oh daddy may we go into Gleyshot wiv you said Dolly coaxingly Elicas fathers going to give me a playcat
And me a whip interposed Ralph We may come with you father maynt we
Oh Yes said Donovan smiling if Mr Raeburn doesnt mind a crowded carriage
Erica had gone into the house
I dont know how to let you go said Gladys We have so much enjoyed having you I think you had much better stay here will Monday and leave those two to take care of themselves at Ashborough
Oh no said Erica smiling that would never do You dont realize what an event this is to me It is the first time father has spoken since his illness Besides I have not yet quite learned to think him well enough to look after himself though of course he is getting quite strong again
Well since you will go come and choose a book for your journey said Gladys
Oh I should like that said Erica a nice homish sort of book please where the people lived in Arcadia and never heard of law courts
Early in the afternoon they drove to Greyshot stopping first of all at the toy shop Raeburn who was in excellent spirits fully entered into the difficulties of Dollys choice At length a huge toy cat was produced
Oh I should like that one said Dolly clapping her hands What a normous gleat big cat it is
I shouldnt have known what it was meant for said Raeburn scrutinizing the rather shapeless furry quadruped How is it that you cant make them more like cats than this
I dont know sir how it is said the shopwoman we get very good dogs and rabbits and donkeys but they dont seem to have attained to the making of cats
This view of the matter so tickled Raeburn that he left Ralph and Dolly to see the normous gleat big cat wrapped up and went out of the shop laughing
But just outside a haggard wildlooking man came up to him and began to address him in excited tones
You are the vile atheist Luke Raeburn he cried Oh I know you well enough I tell you you have lost my sons soul do you hear wretched infidel you destroyed my sons soul His guilt is upon you And I will have vengeance Vengeance
My friend said Raeburn quietly supposing your son had what you call a soul do you think that I a man should be able to destroy it
You have made him what you are yourself cried the man an accursed infidel an incarnate devil But I tell you I will have vengeance vengeance
Have the goodness not to come so near my daughter said Raeburn for the man was pushing up roughly against Erica who had just come out of the shop The words were spoken in such an authoritative manner that the man shrunk back awed and in another minute the children had rejoined them and they drove off to the station
What was that man saying asked Erica
Apparently his son has become a secularist and he means to revenge himself on me said Raeburn If it wouldnt have lost me this train I would have given him in charge for using threatening language But no doubt the poor fellow was halfwitted
Donovan had walked on to the station and so had missed this incident and though for the time it saddened Erica yet she speedily forgot it in talking to the children The arrival at Ashborough too was exciting and she was so delighted to see her father once more in the enjoyment of full health and strength that she could not long be disquieted about anything else It was a great happiness to her to hear him speak upon any subject on which they were agreed and his reception that evening at the Ashborough Town Hall was certainly a most magnificent one The ringing cheers made the tears start to her eyes The people had been roused by his late illness and though many of them disliked his theological views they felt that in political matters he was a man whom they could very ill spare His speech was a remarkably powerful one and calculated to do great good Ericas spirits rose to their very highest pitch and as they went back together to their hotel she kept both Raeburn and Donovan in fits of laughter It was long months since her father had seen her so brilliant and witty
You are fey little one he said I prophesy a headache for you tomorrow
And the prophecy came true for Erica awoke the next morning with a sense of miserable oppression The day too was gray and drearylooking it seemed like a different world altogether Raeburn was none the worse for his exertions he took a quiet day however went for a walk with Donovan in the afternoon and set off in good time for his evening lecture It was Sunday evening Erica was going to church with Donovan and had her walking things on when her father looked into the room to say goodbye
What going out he said You dont look fit for it Eric
Oh she said it is no use to give way to this sort of headache its only ones wretched nerves
Well take carte of yourself he said kissing her I believe you are worn out with all these weeks of attendance on a cantankerous old father
She laughed and brightened up going out with him to the head of the stairs and returning to watch him from the window Just as he left the door of the hotel a small child fell face downward on the pavement on the opposite side of the road and began to cry bitterly Raeburn crossed over and picked up the small elf they could hear him saying There there more frightened than hurt I think as he brushed the dust from the little things clothes
How exactly like father said Erica smiling he never would let us think ourselves hurt I believe it is thanks to him that Tom has grown up such a Stoic and that Im not a very lachrymose sort of being
A little later they started for church but toward the end of the Psalms Donovan felt a touch on his arm He turned to Erica she was a white as death and with a strange glassy look in her eyes
Come she said in a hoarse whisper come out with me
He thought she felt faint but she walked steadily down the aisle When they were outside she grasped his arm and seemed to make a great effort to speak naturally
Forgive me for disturbing you she said but I have such a dreadful feeling that something is going to happen I feel that I must go to my father
Donovan thought that she was probably laboring under a delusion He knew that she was always very anxious about her father and that Ashborough owing to various memories was exactly the place where this anxiety would be likely to weigh upon her He thought too that Raeburn was very likely right and that she was rather overdone by the strain of those long weeks of solitary attendance But he was much too wise to attempt to reason away her fears he knew that nothing but her fathers presence would set her at rest and they walked as fast as they could to the Town Hall He was just turning down a street which led into the High Street when Erica drew him instead in the direction of a narrow byway
Down here she said walking straight on as though she held some guiding clew in her hand
He was astonished as she could not possibly have been in this part of the town before Moreover her whole bearing was very strange she was still pale and trembling and her ungloved hands felt as cold as ice while although he had given her his arm he felt all the time that she was leading him
At length a sound of many voices was heard in the distance Donovan felt a sort of thrill pass through the hand that rested on his arm and Erica began to walk more quickly than ever A minute more and the little byway led them out into the market place It was lighted with the electric light and tonight the light was concentrated at one end the end at which stood the Town Hall Instinctively Donovans eyes were turned at once toward that brightest point and also toward the sound the subdued roar of the multitude which they had heard on their way There was another sound too a mans ringing voice a stentorian voice which reached them clearly even at that distance Raeburn stood alone facing an angry tumultuous throng with his back to the closed door of the building and his tawny eyes scanning the mass of hostile faces below
Every Englishman has a right to freedom of speech You shall not rob me or any other man of a right I have fought for this all my life and I will fight as long as Ive breath
That shall not be long shouted another speaker Forward brothers Down with the infidel Vengeance vengeance
The haggard wildlooking man who had addressed Raeburn the day before at Greyshot now sprang forward there was a surging movement in the crowd like wind in a corn field Donovan and Erica hurrying forward saw Raeburn surrounded on every side forced away from the door and at length half stunned by a heavy blow from the fanatical leader then taken thus at a disadvantage he was pushed backward They saw him fall heavily down the stone steps
With a low cry Erica rushed toward him breaking away from Donovan and forcing a way through that rough crowd as if by magic Donovan though so much taller and stronger was longer in reaching the foot of the steps and when at length he had pushed his way through the thickest part of the throng he was hindered for the haggardlooking man who had been the ringleader in the assault ran into his very arms He was evidently struck with horror at the result of his mad enterprise and now meditated flight But Donovan stopped him
You must come with me my friend he exclaimed seizing the fanatic by the collar
Nor did he pause till he had handed him over to a policeman Then once more he forced a passage through the hushed crowd and at last reached the foot of the steps He found Erica on the ground with her fathers head raised on her knees He was perfectly unconscious but it seemed as if his spirit and energy had been transmitted to his child Erica was giving orders so clearly and authoritatively that Donovan could only marvel at her strength and composure
Stand back she was saying as he approached How can he come to while you are shutting out the air Some one go quickly and fetch a door or a litter You go and you
She indicated two or three more respectablelooking men and they at once obeyed her She looked relieved to see Donovan
Wont you go inside and speak to the people she said I have sent for a doctor If some one doesnt go soon they will come out and then there might be a riot Tell them if they have any feeling for my father to separate quietly Dont let them all out upon these people there is sure to be fighting if they meet
Donovan could not bear to leave her in such a position but just then a doctor came up and the police began to drive back the crowd and since the people were rather awed by what had happened they dispersed meekly enough Donovan went into the Town Hall then and gradually learned what had taken place It seemed that soon after the beginning of Raeburns lecture a large crowd had gathered outside headed by a man named Drosser a street preacher wellknown in Ashborough and the neighborhood This crowd had stormed the doors of the hall and had created such an uproar that it was impossible to proceed with the lecture The doors had been quite unequal to the immense pressure from without and Raeburn foreseeing that they would give way and knowing that if the insurgents met his audience there would be serious risk to the lives of many had insisted on trying to dismiss the crowd without or at any rate to secure some sort of order Several had offered to go with him but he had begged the audience to keep still and had gone out alone the crowd being so astonished by this unexpected move that they fell back for a moment before him Apparently his plan would have succeeded very well had it not been for Drossers deliberate assault He had gained a hearing from the people and would probably have dispersed them had he not been borne down by brute force
It was no easy task to tell the audience what had happened but Donovan was popular and greatly respected and thanks to his tact their wrath though very great was restrained In fact Raeburn was so well known to disapprove of any sort of violence that Donovans appeal to them to preserve order for his sake met with a deep suppressed murmur of assent When all was safe he hurried back to the hotel where they were glad enough of his services Raeburn had recovered his senses for a minute but only to sink almost immediately into another swoon For many hours this went on he would partly revive even speak a few words and then sink back once more Every time Erica thought it would end in death nor could she gather comfort from the looks of either of the doctors or of Donovan
This is not the first time Ive been knocked down and trampled on said Raeburn faintly in one of his intervals of consciousness but it will be the last time
And though the words were spoken with a touch of his native humor and might have borne more than one interpretation yet they answered painfully to the conviction which lay deep in Ericas heart
Then let me send a telegram from the Ashborough Times office said Donovan to her in one of the momentary pauses I have sent for your cousin and Mrs Craigie and for Brian
For the first time Ericas outward composure gave way Her mouth began to quiver and her eyes to fill
Oh Thank you she said and there was something in her voice that went to Donovans heart
CHAPTER XL Mors Janua Vitae
Therefore to whom turn I but to Thee the ineffable Name
Builder and maker Thou of houses not made with hands
What have fear of change from Thee who art ever the same
Doubt that thy power can fill the heart that Thy power expands
And what is our failure here but a triumphs evidence
For the fullness of the days Have we withered or agonized
Why else was the pause prolonged but that singing might issue thence
Why rushed the discords in but that harmony should be prized
R Browning
Early on the Monday morning three anxiouslooking travelers arrived by the first train from London and drove as fast as might be to the Park Hotel at Ashborough They were evidently expected for the moment their cab stopped a door on one of the upper floors was opened and some one ran quickly down the stairs to meet them
Is he better asked Aunt Jean
Erica shook her head and indeed her face told them much more than the brief words of the telegram She was deathly white and had that weigheddown look which people wear when they have watched all night beside one who is hovering between life and death She seemed to recover herself a little as her hand rested for a moment in Brians
He has been asking for you she said Do go to him The faintness has quite passed off and they say inflammation has set in he is in frightful pain
Her lips grew a shade whiter as she spoke and with an effort she seemed to turn away from some horrible recollection
There is some breakfast ready for you in here she said to her aunt You must have something before you see him Oh I am so glad you have come auntie
Aunt Jean kissed her and cried a little trouble always brought these two together however much they disagreed at other times Tom did not say a word but began to cut a loaf to pieces as though they had the very largest appetites the great pile of slices lay untouched on the trencher but the cutting had served its purpose of a relief to his pentup feelings
Later on there was a consultation of doctors their verdict was perhaps a little more hopeful than Erica had dared to expect Her father had received a fearful internal injury and was in the greatest danger but there was still a chance that he might recover it was just possible and knowing how his constitution had rallied when every one had thought him dying three years before she grew very hopeful Without hope she could hardly have got through those days for the suffering was terrible She hardly knew which she dreaded most the nights of fever and delirium when groans of anguish came from the writhing lips or the days with their clear consciousness when her father never uttered a word of complaint but just silently endured the torture replying always if questioned as to the pain Its bearable
His great strength and vigor made it seem all the more piteous that he should now be lying in the very extremity of suffering unable to bear even the weight of the bed clothes But all through that weary time his fortitude never gave way and the vein of humor which had stood him in such good stead all his life did not fail him even now On the Monday when he was suffering torments they tried the application of leeches One leech escaped and they had a great hunt for it Raeburn astonishing them all by coming out with one of his quaint flashes of wit and positively making them laugh in spite of their anxiety and sorrow
The weary days dragged on the torture grew worse opium failed to deaden the pain and sleep except in the very briefest snatches was impossible But at last on the Thursday morning a change set in the suffering became less intense they knew however that it was only because the end was drawing near and the life energy failing
For the second time Sir John Larkom came down from London to see the patient but every one knew that there was nothing to be done Even Erica began to understand that the time left was to be measured only by hours She learned it in a few words which Sir John Larkom said to Donovan on the stairs She was in her own room with the door partly open eagerly waiting for permission to go back to her father
Oh its all up with the poor fellow she heard the London doctor say A wonderful constitution most men would not have held out so long
At the time the words did not convey any very clear meaning to Erica she felt no very sharp pang as she repeated the sentence to herself there was only a curious numb feeling at her heart and a sort of dull consciousness that she must move must get away somewhere do something active It was at first almost a relief to her when Donovan returned and knocked at her door
I am afraid we ought to come to the court he said They will I am sure take your evidence as quickly as possible
She remembered then that the man Drosser was to be brought up before the magistrates that morning she and Donovan had to appear as witnesses of the assault She went into her fathers room before she started he had specially asked to see her He was quite clearminded and calm and began to speak in a voice which though weak and low had the old musical ring about it
You are going to give evidence Eric he said holding her hand in his Now I dont forgive that fellow for having robbed me of life but one must be just even to ones foes They will ask you if you ever saw Drosser before you will have to tell them of that scene at Greyshot and you must be sure to say that I said as we drove off No doubt the poor fellow is halfwitted Those were my words do you remember
Yes she said repeating the words after him at his request I remember quite well
Those words may affect Drossers case very much and I dont wish any man to swing for me I have always disapproved of the death penalty Probably though it will be brought in as manslaughter yes almost certainly There go my child and come back to me as soon as you can
But the examination proved too much for Ericas physical powers she was greatly exhausted by the terrible strain of the long days and nights of nursing and when she found herself in a hot and crowded court pitilessly stared at confronted by the man who was in fact her fathers murderer and closely questioned by the magistrate about all the details of that Sunday evening her overtasked strength gave way suddenly
She had told clearly and distinctly about the meeting at Greyshot and had stated positively that in the Ashborough market place she had seen Drosser give her father a heavy blow and then push him down the Town Hall steps
Can you recollect whether others pushed your father at the same time asked the magistrate Dont answer hurriedly this is an important matter
All at once the whole scene came vividly before Erica the huge crowd the glare of the lights her father standing straight and tall as she should never see him again his thick white hair stirred by the wind his whole attitude that of indignant protest then the haggard face of the fanatic the surging movement in the black mass of people and that awful struggle and fall Was it he who was falling If so she was surely with him falling down down endlessly down
There was a sudden stir and commotion in the court a murmur of pity for Luke Raeburns daughter had fallen back senseless
When she came to herself she was lying on the floor of an officelike room with her head on Mrs MacNaughtons lap Brian was bending over her chafing her hands A clock in the building struck one and the sound seemed to recall things to her mind She started up
Oh she cried why am I not with my father Where have you taken me to
Its all right dear said Mrs MacNaughton soothingly you shall come back directly you are well enough
I remember it all now she said did I finish Must I go back there
It was some relief to know that Donovan had been able to supplement her evidence and that the examination was in fact over Drosser having been remanded for a week She insisted on going back to the hotel at once and spent the whole of the afternoon and evening with her father He was not in great pain now but very restless and growing weaker every hour He was able however to see several of his friends and though the farewells evidently tried him he would not refuse to see those who had come hundreds of miles for that last glimpse
What does it matter if I am exhausted he said when some one remonstrated with him It will make no difference at all as far as I am concerned and it will be a happiness to them for the rest of their lives Besides I shall not die today perhaps not tomorrow depend upon it I shall die hard
They persuaded Erica to rest for the first part of the night She left Tom and Brian to watch and went to her room making them promise to call her if there were any signs of change
At last the full realization had come to her though she hated leaving her father it was yet a sort of relief to get away into the dark to be able to give way for a moment
Anything but this oh God she sobbed anything but this
All else would have been easy enough to bear but that he should be killed by the violence and bigotry of one who at any rate called himself a Christian this seemed to her not tolerable The hope of years had received its death blow the life she most loved was sinking away in darkness the work which she had so bravely taken as her life work was all but over and she had failed Yes in spite of all her efforts all her longings all her love she had failed or at any rate apparently failed and in moments of great agony we do not in fact can not distinguish between the real and the apparent Christ Himself could not do it
She did not dare to let her sobs rise for it was one of the trials of that time that they were not in their own home but in a busy hotel where the partitions were thin and every sound could be heard in the adjoining rooms Moreover Aunt Jean was sleeping with her and must not be disturbed But as she lay on the floor trying to stifle the restrained sobs which shook her from head to foot trying to check the bitter tears which would come her thoughts were somehow lifted quite away from the present strange little memories of her childish days returned to her days when her father had been to her the living incarnation of all that was noble and good Often it is not the great events of a childs life which are so vividly remembered memory seems to be strangely capricious and will single out some special word or deed some trifling sign of love which has stamped itself indelibly upon the grain to bear its golden harvest of responding love through a life time Vividly there came back to her now the eager happiness with which she had awaited a long promised treat as a little thing of seven years old Her father was to take her on some special excursion she had long ago forgotten what the particular occasion was only it was something that could come but once the day lost the treat would be lost But the evening before when she was on the very tiptoe of expectation a celebrated action for libel had come to an end much sooner than was expected and when her father returned in the evening he had to tell her that his case was to come on the next day and that he could not possibly take her Even now she could recall the bitterness of the disappointment but not so vividly as the look in her fathers face as he lifted her off the floor where she had thrown herself in the abandonment of her grief He had not said a word then about the enormity of crying he had just held her closely in his arms feeling the disappointment a thousand times more than she felt it herself and fully realizing that the loss of such a longlookedfor happiness was to a child what the loss of thousands of pounds would be to a man He had been patient with her though she had entirely failed to see why he could not put off the case just for that day
Youll understand one day little one he had said and be glad that you have had your share of pain in a day that will advance the cause of liberty
She remembered protesting that that was impossible that she should always be miserable at which he had only smiled
Then it came to Erica that the life upon earth was after all as compared with the eternal life what the day is in the life of a child It seemed everything at the time but was in truth such a fragment And as she lay there in the immeasurably greater agony of later life once more sobbing I had hoped I had planned this is more than I can bear a Comforter infinitely grater a Father whose love was infinitely stronger drew her so near that the word near was but a mockery and told her as the earthly father had told her with such perfect truth One day you will understand child one day you will be glad to have shared the pain
In the next room there was for some time quiet Poor Tom heavy with grief and weariness fell asleep beside the fire Raeburn was for the most part very still as if wrapped in thought At length a heavy sigh made Brian ask if he were in pain
Pain of mind he said not of body Dont misunderstand me he said after a pause with the natural fear least Brian should fancy his secularism failed him at the near approach of death For myself I am content I have had a very full life and I have tried always yes I think I may say always—to work entirely for the good of Humanity But I am wretched about Erica I do not see how the home can be a very happy one for her when I am gone
For a minute Brian hesitated but it seemed to him when he thought out the matter that a father so loving as Raeburn would find no jealousy at the thought that the love he had deemed exclusively his own might after all have been given to another
I do not know whether I am right to tell you he said Would it make you happier to know that I love Erica that I have loved her for nearly nine years
Raeburn gave an ejaculation of astonishment There was a long silence for the idea once suggested to him he began to see what a likely thing it was and to wonder that he had not thought of it before
I think you are well suited to each other he said at last Now I understand your visit to Florence What took you away again so suddenly
Brian told him all about the day at Fiesole He seemed greatly touched all the little proofs and coincidences which had never struck him at the time were so plain now They were still discussing it when at about five oclock Erica returned She was pale and sad but the worn harassed miserable look had quite gone It was a strange time and place for a betrothal
Brian has been telling me about the day at Fiesole said Raeburn letting his weak nerveless hands play about in her hair as she knelt beside the bed You have been a leal bairn to me Eric I dont think I could have spared you then even though Brian so well deserved you But now it makes me very happy to leave you to him it takes away my only care
Erica had colored faintly but there was an absence of responsiveness in her manner which troubled Raeburn
You do still feel as you did at Fiesole he asked You are sure of your own mind You think you will be happy
I love Brian she said in a low voice But oh I cant think now about being happy She broke off suddenly and hid her face in the bed clothes
There was silence in the room In a minute she raised herself and turned to Brian who stood beside her
You will understand she said looking right into his eyes There is only one thing that I can feel just now You do understand I know
With a sudden impulse she threw her arms round his neck and kissed him
And Brian did understand He knew too that she wanted to have her father to herself Even in the very fulfillment of his desire he was obliged to stand aside obliged even yet to be patient Never surely had an impulsive impetuous man a longer training
When he had gone Raeburn talked for some time of Ericas future talked for so long indeed that she grew impatient How trifling now seemed the sacrifice she had made at Fiesole to which he kept on referring
Oh why do you waste the time in talking of me she said at last
Why he said smiling Because you are my bairn of what else should I speak or think For myself I am very content dear though I should have liked a few more years of work It was not to be you see and in the end no doubt this will work good to the cause of— he broke off unwilling to pain her
Ah child he said after a pause How miserable you and I might have been for these two years if we had not loved each other You are not to think little one that I have not known what your wishes have been for me You and Brian and Osmond and of late that noble fellow Farrant have often made me see that Christianity need not necessarily warp the intellect and cripple the life I believe that for you and such as you the system is not rooted in selfishness But dear you are but the exceptions the rare exceptions I know that you have wished with all your heart that I should come to think as you do while I have been wishing you back into the ranks of secularism Well It wasnt to be We each of us lost our wish But there is this left that we each know the other to be honest each deem it a case of honest mistake Ive felt that all along Weve a common love of truth and a common love of humanity Oh my child Spite of all the creeds we are very near to each other
Very near she whispered And words which Charles Osmond had spoken years ago returned to her memory I think death will be your gate of life You will wake up and exclaim Whod have thought it
After all death would in a sense make them yet nearer But human nature is weak and it is hard for us to realize the Unseen She could not then feel that it was anything but hard bitter heartbreaking that he should be leaving her in this way
The pain had now almost entirely ceased and Raeburn though very restless was better able to talk than on the previous day He asked for the first time what was passing in the world showed special interest in the accounts of the late colliery accident and was greatly touched by the gallant efforts of the rescuers who had to some extent been successful He insisted too on hearing what the various papers had to say about his own case listening sometimes with a quiet smile sometimes with a gleam of anger in his eyes After a very abusive article which he had specially desired to hear he leaned back with an air of weariness
Im rather tired of this sort of thing he said with a sigh What will the Herald do when it no longer has me to abuse
Of Drosser and of the events of that Sunday evening he spoke strangely little What he did say was for the most part said to Professor Gosse
You say I was rash to go alone he replied when the professor had opened the subject Well that may be It is not perhaps the first time that in personal matters Ive been lacking in due caution But I thought it would prevent a riot I still think it did so
And what is your feeling about the whole matter asked the professor Do you forgive Drosser for having given you this mortal injury
One must bow to necessity said Raeburn quietly When you speak of forgiving I dont quite understand you but I dont intend to hand down a legacy of revenge to my successors The law will duly punish the man and future atheists will reap the benefit of my death There is after all you know a certain satisfaction in feeling that I died as I have lived in defending the right of free speech I cant say that I could not have wished that Drosser had made an end of me at nineandseventy rather than at nineandforty I shall live on in their hearts and that is a glorious immortality The only immortality I have ever looked for
In the afternoon to the astonishment of all Mr FaneSmith came over from Greyshot horrified to hear that the man who he had once treated with scant justice and actual discourtesy was lying on his death bed a victim to religious fanaticism Spite of his very hard words to her Erica had always respected Mr FaneSmith and she was glad that he had come at the last Her aunt had not come she had hesitated long but in the end the recollection that Greyshot would be greatly scandalized and that too on the very eve of her daughters wedding turned the scale She sent affectionate messages and a small devotional book but stayed at home
Mr FaneSmith apologized frankly and fully to Raeburn for his former discourtesy and then plunged at once into eager questions and eager arguments He could not endure the thought that the man in whom at the last he was able to recognize a certain nobility of character should be sinking down into what he considered everlasting darkness Bitterly did he now regret the indifference of former years and the actual uncharitableness in which he had of late indulged
Raeburn lay very passively listening to an impassioned setting forth of the gospel his hands wandering about restlessly picking up little bits of the coverlet in that strange way so often noticed in dying people
You are mistaken he said when at length Mr FaneSmith ceased Had you argued with me in former years you would never have convinced me your books and tracts could never have altered my firm convictions All my life I have had tracts and leaflets showered down upon me with letters from pious folks desiring my conversion I have had innumerable letters telling me that the writers were praying for me Well I think they would have done better to pray for some of my orthodox opponents who are leading immoral lives but insofar as prayers show a certain amount of human interest I am very willing that they should pray for me though they would have shown better taste if they had not informed me of their supplications But dont mistake me it is not in this way that you will ever prove the truth of your religion You must show justice to your opponents first You must put a different spirit into your pet word Charity I dont think you can do it I think your religion false I consider that it is rooted in selfishness and superstition Being convinced of this when I was still young I had to find some other system to take its place That system I found in secularism For thirty years I have lived as a secularist and have been perfectly content notwithstanding that my life has been a very hard one As a secularist I now die content
Mr FaneSmith shuddered This was of course inexpressibly painful to him He could not see that what had disgusted Raeburn with religion had been the distortion of Christs teaching and that in truth the secularist creed embodied much of the truest and loftiest Christianity
Once more he reiterated his arguments striving hard to show by words the beauty of his religion But Christianity can only be vindicated by deeds can only be truly shown forth in lives The country the Christian Country as it was fond of styling itself had had thirty years in which to show to Raeburn the loving kindness the brotherhood the lofty generosity which each professed follower of Christ ought to show in his life Now the time was over and it was too late
The dying man bent forward and a hard look came into his eyes and a sternness overspread his calm face
What has Christianity done for me he asked Look at my life See how I have been treated
And Mr FaneSmith was speechless Consciencestricken he knew that to this there was no reply that HE could honestly make and a question dawned upon his mind Was his own Christianity really that of Christ
As evening drew on Raeburns life was slowly ebbing away Very slowly for to the last he fought for breath All his nearest friends were gathered round him and to the end he was clearly conscious and as in life calmly philosophical
I have been well friended all my life he said once looking round at the faces by his bedside
They were all too brokenhearted to respond and there were long silences broken only by the laboring breath and restless movements of the dying man
Toward midnight there was a low roll of distant thunder and gradually the storm drew nearer and nearer Raeburn asked to be raised in bed that he might watch the lightning which was unusually beautiful It was a strange weird scene the plainly furnished hotel room sparsely lighted by candles the sad group of watchers the pale beautiful face of the young girl bending over the pillow and the strong rugged Scotchman with his white hair and keen brown eyes upon whose face death had already set his pale tokens From the uncurtained window could be seen the dark outline of the adjacent houses and the lights lower down the hill scattered here and there throughout the sleeping city Upon all this the vivid lightning played and the distant thunder followed with its mighty crash rolling and echoing away among the surrounding hills
I am glad to have seen one more storm said Raeburn
But soon he grew weary tired just with the slight exertion of looking and listening He sighed To a strong healthy man in the very prime of life this failing of the powers was hard to bear Death was very near he knew it well enough knew it by this slow sure painless sinking
He held Ericas hand more closely and after that lay very still once or twice asking for more coverings over his feet The night wore on After a long silence he looked up once more and said to Tom
I promised Hazeldine a sovereign toward the fund for— he broke off with a look of intense weariness adding after an interval Hell tell you See that its paid
The storm had passed and the goldenred dawn was just breaking when once more the silence was broken
Come nearer Eric he whispered nearer
Then came a long pause
There was stillness that fearful stillness when the watchers begin to hush their very breath that they may catch the last faint breathings Poor Tom could stand it no longer he just buried his face in his hands and sobbed Perhaps Erica envied him Violent grief would surely have been more endurable than this terrible sinking this dread of not keeping up to the end Was she falling with him down those horrible steps Was she sinking with him beneath the cold green waves Oh death cruel death Why had he not taken them together on that summer day
Yet what was she saying The death angel was but Gods messenger and her father could never never be beyond the care of One who loved him infinitely eternally If He the Father were taking him from her why she would trust Him though it should crush her whole world
Nearer Eric nearer How those last words rang in her ears as she waited there with her hands in his She knew they would be the last for he was sinking away into a dreamily passive state just dying because too tired to live
Nearer nearer Was this agony indeed to heal the terrible division between them Ah mystery of evil mystery of pain mystery of death Only the love of the Infinitely Loving can fathom you only the trust in that Love give us a glimpse of your meaning
She felt a tightening of the fingers that clasped hers He was still conscious he smiled just such a smile as he used to give her when as a little thing she had fretted about his leaving home
She pressed her quivering lips to his clung to him and kissed him again and again There was a sigh A long interval and another sigh After that silence
CHAPTER XLI Results Closely Following
But that one man should die ignorant who had capacity for
knowledge this I call a tragedy Carlyle
Not what I think but what Thou art makes sure George MacDonald
A wave of strangely varied feeling swept through the country in the next fourandtwenty hours
From the Raeburnites came a burst of mingled wrath and grief and a bitter outcry against the religion which inevitably they thought tended to produce such fanatics as Drosser From the poor and oppressed came a murmur of blank despair they had looked upon Raeburn as the deliverer from so much that now weighed upon them and were so perfectly conscious that he understood their wants and difficulties in a way which others failed to do that his death in the very prime of manhood simply stunned them The liberalminded felt a thrill of horror and indignation at the thought that such deeds as this could take place in the nineteenth century realizing however with a shudder that the rash act of the ignorant fanatic was in truth no worse than the murder of hatred the perpetual calumny and injustice which thousands of professing Christians had meted out to Raeburn In nothing had the unChristlikeness of the age been more conspicuous than in the way in which Raeburn had all his life been treated
The fashionable world felt a sort of uncomfortableness The news reached them at their laziest time of year they came in from shooting parties to read the account in the papers they discussed it in ball rooms and at evening parties at Brighton and Greyshot and the other autumnal resorts So he was dead Well really they were tired of hearing his name It was rather horrible certainly that his daughter should have seen it all but such infamous creatures as Raeburn had no business to have daughters No doubt she would stand it very well anything you know for a little notoriety Such people lived for notoriety Of course the papers had put in a lot of twaddle that he had said on his death bed always had tried to work entirely for the good of humanity and that sort of nonsense This coffee ice is excellent Let me get you another after which the subject would be dropped and the speakers would return to the ball room to improve upon Raeburns life which they presumed so severely to criticize by a trois temps enlivened by a broad flirtation
Here and there a gleam of good was effected inasmuch as some of the excessively narrow began to see what narrowness leads to Mr Cuthbert coming home from his annual Swiss tour was leaning back sleepily in a firstclass carriage at the Folkestone station when the voice of a newsboy recalled him to the everyday world with a slight shock There was the usual list of papers he was sleepy and thought he would not get one but then came the loud voice not a couple of yards from his ear Death of Mr Raeburn Death of Luke Raeburn this daay
Mr Cuthbert had his head out of the window in a moment
Here paper
These boys will call anything to sell their papers he remarked to his companion I dare say its nothing more than a rumor
Precious good thing for the country if it was true replied the other a young fellow of twoandtwenty who dawdled through life upon an income of 5000 pounds a year and found it quite possible to combine the enjoyment of lax living with the due expression of very orthodox sentiments
Mr Cuthbert did not answer his eye was traveling down a column of the newspaper and he felt a curious pricking of remorse as he read He had once been rude to Erica Raeburn he had all his life retailed dubious stories about her father knowing all the time that had any one believed such stories of himself upon such shaky evidence he would have used very strong language about them And now this fellow was dead Curiously enough Mr Cuthbert who had many times remarked that Raeburn ought to be shut up or better still hung was now the one to wish him alive again Ugh It was a horrible story He quite shivered as he read the account of those days of torture
But in a room at the Park Hotel Ashborough two very different men were discussing the same subject Mr FaneSmith with all his faults had always been wellintentioned and though frightful harm may be done by people with good intentions they can never stand upon the same level as those who wilfully and maliciously offend All too plainly now he saw how grievously he had failed with regard to Raeburn and patiently did he listen to Donovans account of the really good work which Raeburn had effected in many instances
Much as you may hate his views you must at least see that as some one has well expressed it It takes a highsouled man to move the masses even to a cleaner sty And I say that a man who worked as he worked striving hard to teach the people to live for the general good advocating temperance promoting the spread of education and somehow winning those whom no one else had ever touched to take an intelligent interest in politics in science and in the future of the race that such a man claims our respect however much we may disagree with him
But that he should have died ignorant like this exclaimed Mr FaneSmith with a shudder
Tis in truth a tragedy said Donovan sighing But I can well believe that in another world the barriers which he allowed to distort his vision will be removed the very continuance of existence would surely be sufficient
You are a universalist said Mr FaneSmith not in the condemnatory tone he would once have assumed but humbly anxiously like one who gropes his way in a dark place
Yes replied Donovan Believing in a universal Father I am naturally that Upon any other system what do you make of the good which exists in so many of those who deny all in which you believe Where does the good go to I stood beside the death bed of that noble man this morning At the very last I saw most touching proofs of his strong sense of justice his honesty his desire to promote the good of others his devotion to his child Can you believe that all that goodness which of necessity comes from God is to go down into what you call everlasting punishment Dont mistake me Thank God there is a punishment which no one would wish to forego such punishment such drawing forth of the native good such careful help in the rooting out of what is evil as all good fathers give to their children
They were interrupted by the opening of the door Mr FaneSmith started and almost trembled when on turning round he saw Erica She was pale but preternaturally calm looking however they all felt as if in her fathers death she had received her own death blow
I thought I heard you she said in that strangely gravened voice which is sometimes one of the consequences of great and sudden trouble Has Donovan taken you into the next room Will you come
For his life Mr FaneSmith could not have refused anything which she asked him there was something in her manner that made the tears rush to his eyes though he was not as a rule easily moved
He followed her obediently though with a sort of reluctance but when he was once there he was glad Ever since the previous day he had not been able to rid himself of that stern hard look with which Raeburn had so terribly rebuked him it had persistently haunted him There was nothing stern in this dead face It was still and passionless bearing the look of repose which spite of a harassed life it had always borne in moments of leisure He hardly looked as though he were dead Erica could almost have fancied that he was but resting after the toils of a hard day having fallen asleep for a few minutes as she had often seen him in his arm chair on a Sunday evening
Mr FaneSmith did not say a word his eyes wandered from the calm face to the still hands which clasped some sprigs of his native heather the heather which Donovans children had sent only the day before but just in time to win one of his last smiles Donovan and Erica spoke together in low tones but something in the sound of that gravened voice arrested Mr FaneSmiths attention He had not heard what had passed before and there was nothing special in the words that fell now upon his ear it was rather that his own soul was in a state of receptivity and so through the first channel that came to hand he was able to receive a new truth
I am only his child God is his Father
And there by the lifeless body of Luke Raeburn one who during his life had judged him with the very hardest judgment learned for the first time what Fatherhood means
As long as there was anything to be done Erica struggled on although the days were terribly hard and were rendered infinitely harder by the sort of publicity which attended them There was the necessity of appearing at the inquest there was the necessity of reading every word that was written about her father She could not help reading the papers could not keep her hands off them though even now most cruel things were said There was the necessity of attending the great public funeral in London of seeing the thousands of griefstricken people of listening to the professors words so broken with sobs that they could hardly be heard A week later there was the necessity of going down to the Ashborough assizes to appear as a witness in the trial of Drosser
What do you feel toward this man some one asked her once
A great pity she replied It is not nearly so hard for me to forgive this poor fanatic as to forgive those who have taught him his dark creed or to forgive those who while calling themselves Christians have hated my father with the hatred that is quite as bad as murder
But when the trial was over and there was no longer any necessity to do anything Erica suddenly broke down She had never till now yielded though not a night had passed in which she had not been haunted by the frightful recollections of that Sunday evening and the days following But the evening she returned from Ashborough she could hold out no longer
Very quietly she bore that sad return to the empty house going into all the familiar rooms and showing no sign of grief because those she loved were with her watching her with the anxious solicitude which people cannot help showing at such a time though it is usually more of a trial than a comfort Erica longed inexpressibly to be alone and when at length deceived by her unnatural calm they were persuaded to leave her she crept down to the study and shut herself in and no longer tried to resist the inevitable the mere surroundings were quite sufficient to open the flood gates of her grief the books which her father had loved the table the empty chair the curious cactus which they had brought back from Italy and in the growth of which they had taken such an interest the desk at which her father had toiled for so many long years She hid her face from the light and broke into a passionate fit of weeping Then exhausted nerveless powerless she could no longer cope with that anguish of remembrance which was her nightly torment Once more there rose before her that horrible scene in the Ashborough market place once more she could see the glare of light the huge crowd the sudden treacherous movement the fall once more she heard the crash the hushed murmur once more felt the wild struggle to get through that pushing jostling throng that she might somehow reach him That nightmare recollection only gave place to a yet more painful one to the memory of days of such agony that to recall them was almost to risk her reason She had struggled bravely not to dwell upon these things but this night her strength was gone she could do nothing and Brian coming at last to seek her found that the climax he had long foreseen had come
Oh she sobbed if you love me Brian be willing to let me go Dont pray for me to live Promise that you will not
A shade came over Brians face Was the dead father still to absorb all her love Must he even now resign all to him Lose Erica at last after these long years of waiting There was a look of agony in his eyes but he answered quietly and firmly
I will pray only that Gods will may be done darling
A sort of relief was apparent in Ericas flushed tearstained face as though he had given her leave to be ill
After that for long weary weeks she lay at the very gate of death and those who watched by her had not the heart to wish her back to life again
CHAPTER XLII A New Years Dawn
And the murky planets I perceived were but cradles for the
infant spirits of the universe of light And in sight
of this immeasurability of life no sadness could endure
And I exclaimed Oh How beautiful is death seeing that
we die in a world of life and of creation without end And I
blessed God for my life upon earth but much more for the
life in those unseen depths of the universe which are
comprised of all but the Supreme Reality and where no
earthly life or perishable hope can enter Richter
For many weeks Erica had scarcely a conscious interval Now and then she had been dimly aware that Brian was in the room or that Aunt Jean and Mrs MacNaughton and her many secularist friends were nursing her but all had been vague dreamlike seen through the distorting fevermist On night however she woke after a sleep of many hours to see things once more as they really were There was her little room with its greenpaneled walls and its familiar pictures and familiar books There was Aunt Jean sitting beside the fire turning over the pages of an IdolBreaker while all the air seemed to be ringing and echoing with the sound of church bells
Auntie she said what day is it
Aunt Jean came at once to her bedside
It is New Years day she said it struck twelve about five minutes ago dear
Erica made no comment though the words brought back to her the sense of her desolation brought back to her too the remembrance of another New Years day long ago when she had stood beside her father on the deck of the steamer and the bells of Calais had gayly pealed in spite of her grief She took the food her aunt brought her and promised to go to sleep once more
I shall have to wake up again in this misery she thought to herself Oh if one could only sleep right on
But God sometimes saves us from what we have most dreaded and when at sunrise Erica woke once more before any recollection returned to her mind she became conscious of One who said to her Lo I am with you always Behold I make all things new
Streaks of golden light were stealing in between the window curtains She lay quite still able to face life once more in the strength of that Inner Presence able to endure the wellknown sights and sounds because she could once more realize that there was One who made even the wrath of man to praise Him who out of blackest evil and cruelest pain could at length bring good Presently passing from the restfulness of that conscious communion she remembered a strange dream she had had that night
She had dreamed that she was sitting with Donovan in the little church yard at Oakdene in her hand she held a Greek Testament but upon the page had only been able to see one sentence It ran thus Until the times of the Restitution of all things Donovan had insisted that the word should rightly be restoration She had clung to the old rendering While they discussed the distinction between the words a beautiful girl had all at once stood before them Erica knew in an instant who it must be by the light which shone in her companions face
You are quite right she had said turning her beautiful eyes upon him It is not the mere giving back of things that were it is the perfecting of that which was here only in ideal it is the carrying out of what might have been All the time there has been progress all the time growth and so restoration is better wider grander than anything we could dream of here
And as she left them there had come to both a sort of vision of the Infinite in sight of which the whole of earthly existence was but as an hour and the sum of human suffering but as the pin prick to a strong man and yet both human suffering and human existence were infinitely worth while And over them stole a wonderful peace as they realized the greatness of Gods universe and that in it was no wasted thing no wasted pain but order where there seemed confusion and a soul of goodness where there seemed evil
And after all what was this dream compared with the reality which she knew to exist Well it was perhaps a little fragment a dim shadow a seeing through the glass darkly but mostly it was a comfort because she was all the time conscious that there was an infinitely Better which it has not entered into the heart of man to conceive
Brian came in for his morning visit with a face so worn and anxious that it made her smile
Oh she said looking up at him with quiet shining eyes how I have been troubling you all these weeks But you are not to be troubled any more darling I am going to get better
And with a sort of grateful loving tenderness she drew his face down to hers and kissed him
Where is Tom she asked presently beginning for the first time to take an interest in the world again
Tom has gone to Oakdene for a day or two said Brian He is going to be Donovans private secretary
How glad I am she said Dear old Tom he does so deserve to be happy
They want you to go there as soon as you are well enough to be moved said Brian
I should like that she said with a touch of her old eagerness of manner I want to get well quickly there is so much work for us to do you know Oh Brian I feel that there is work which HE would wish me to do and Im so glad so glad to be left to do it
Brian thought of the enormous impetus given to the cause of secularism by Raeburns martyrdom The momentary triumph of bigotry and intolerance had as in all other ages been followed by this inevitable consequence a dead loss to the persecuting side Would people at length learn the lesson Would the reign of justice at length dawn Would the majority at length believe that the All Father needs not to be supported by persecuting laws and unjust restrictions
Yet it was not these thoughts which brought the tears to his eyes it was the rapture caused by Ericas words
My darling will live and is glad to live he thought Who could bear witness to the truth so well Who be so sweet a reconciler
Why Brian Brian exclaimed Erica as the great drops fell on her hand lying clasped in his
And there was that in tone and look and touch which made Brian more than content