George Eliot
Daniel Deronda
Book I
The Spoiled Child
Chapter I
Men can do nothing without the makebelieve of a beginning Even
Science the strict measurer is obliged to start with a make
believe unit and must fix on a point in the stars unceasing
journey when his sidereal clock shall pretend that time is at
Nought His less accurate grandmother Poetry has always been
understood to start in the middle but on reflection it appears that
her proceeding is not very different from his since Science too
reckons backwards as well as forwards divides his unit into
billions and with his clockfinger at Nought really sets off in
medias res No retrospect will take us to the true beginning and
whether our prologue be in heaven or on earth it is but a fraction
of that all presupposing fact with which our story sets out
Was she beautiful or not beautiful and what was the secret of form or
expression which gave the dynamic quality to her glance Was the good or the
evil genius dominant in those beams Probably the evil else why was the effect
that of unrest rather than of undisturbed charm Why was the wish to look again
felt as coercion and not as a longing in which the whole being consents
She who raised these questions in Daniel Derondas mind was occupied in
gambling not in the open air under a southern sky tossing coppers on a ruined
wall with rags about her limbs but in one of those splendid resorts which the
enlightenment of ages has prepared for the same species of pleasure at a heavy
cost of gilt mouldings darktoned colour and chubby nudities all
correspondingly heavy forming a suitable condenser for human breath belonging
in great part to the highest fashion and not easily procurable to be breathed
in elsewhere in the like proportion at least by persons of little fashion
It was near four oclock on a September day so that the atmosphere was
wellbrewed to a visible haze There was deep stillness broken only by a light
rattle a light chink a small sweeping sound and an occasional monotone in
French such as might be expected to issue from an ingeniously constructed
automaton Round two long tables were gathered two serried crowds of human
beings all save one having their faces and attention bent on the tables The
one exception was a melancholy little boy with his knees and calves simply in
their natural clothing of epidermis but for the rest of his person in a fancy
dress He alone had his face turned towards the doorway and fixing on it the
blank gaze of a bedizened child stationed as a masquerading advertisement on the
platform of an itinerant show stood close behind a lady deeply engaged at the
roulettetable
About this table fifty or sixty persons were assembled many in the outer
rows where there was occasionally a deposit of new comers being mere
spectators only that one of them usually a woman might now and then be
observed putting down a fivefranc piece with a simpering air just to see what
the passion of gambling really was Those who were taking their pleasure at a
higher strength and were absorbed in play showed very distant varieties of
European type Livonian and Spanish GræcoItalian and miscellaneous German
English aristocratic and English plebeian Here certainly was a striking
admission of human equality The white bejewelled fingers of an English countess
were very near touching a bony yellow crablike hand stretching a bared wrist
to clutch a heap of coin a hand easy to sort with the square gaunt face
deepset eyes grizzled eyebrows and illcombed scanty hair which seemed a
slight metamorphosis of the vulture And where else would her ladyship have
graciously consented to sit by that drylipped feminine figure prematurely old
withered after short bloom like her artificial flowers holding a shabby velvet
reticule before her and occasionally putting in her mouth the point with which
she pricked her card There too very near the fair countess was a respectable
London tradesman blond and softhanded his sleek hair scrupulously parted
behind and before conscious of circulars addressed to the nobility and gentry
whose distinguished patronage enabled him to take his holidays fashionably and
to a certain extent in their distinguished company Not his the gamblers
passion that nullifies appetite but a wellfed leisure which in the intervals
of winning money in business and spending it showily sees no better resource
than winning money in play and spending it yet more showily reflecting always
that Providence had never manifested any disapprobation of his amusement and
dispassionate enough to leave off if the sweetness of winning much and seeing
others lose had turned to the sourness of losing much and seeing others win For
the vice of gambling lay in losing money at it In his bearing there might be
something of the tradesman but in his pleasures he was fit to rank with the
owners of the oldest titles Standing close to his chair was a handsome Italian
calm statuesque reaching across him to place the first pile of napoleons from
a new bagful just brought him by an envoy with a scrolled mustache The pile was
in half a minute pushed over to an old bewigged woman with eyeglasses pinching
her nose There was a slight gleam a faint mumbling smile about the lips of the
old woman but the statuesque Italian remained impassive and probably secure
in an infallible system which placed his foot on the neck of chance
immediately prepared a new pile So did a man with the air of an emaciated beau
or wornout libertine who looked at life through one eyeglass and held out
his hand tremulously when he asked for change It could surely be no severity of
system but rather some dream of white crows or the induction that the eighth
of the month was lucky which inspired the fierce yet tottering impulsiveness of
his play
But while every single player differed markedly from every other there was
a certain uniform negativeness of expression which had the effect of a mask as
if they had all eaten of some root that for the time compelled the brains of
each to the same narrow monotony of action
Derondas first thought when his eyes fell on this scene of dull
gaspoisoned absorption was that the gambling of Spanish shepherdboys had
seemed to him more enviable so far Rousseau might be justified in maintaining
that art and science had done a poor service to mankind But suddenly he felt
the moment become dramatic His attention was arrested by a young lady who
standing at an angle not far from him was the last to whom his eyes travelled
She was bending and speaking English to a middleaged lady seated at play beside
her but the next instant she returned to her play and showed the full height
of a graceful figure with a face which might possibly be looked at without
admiration but could hardly be passed with indifference
The inward debate which she raised in Deronda gave to his eyes a growing
expression of scrutiny tending farther and farther away from the glow of
mingled undefined sensibilities forming admiration At one moment they followed
the movements of the figure of the arms and hands as this problematic sylph
bent forward to deposit her stake with an air of firm choice and the next they
returned to the face which at present unaffected by beholders was directed
steadily towards the game The sylph was a winner and as her taper fingers
delicately gloved in palegrey were adjusting the coins which had been pushed
towards her in order to pass them back again to the winning point she looked
round her with a survey too markedly cold and neutral not to have in it a little
of that nature which we call art concealing an inward exultation
But in the course of that survey her eyes met Derondas and instead of
averting them as she would have desired to do she was unpleasantly conscious
that they were arrested how long The darting sense that he was measuring her
and looking down on her as an inferior that he was of different quality from
the human dross around her that he felt himself in a region outside and above
her and was examining her as a specimen of a lower order roused a tingling
resentment which stretched the moment with conflict It did not bring the blood
to her cheeks but sent it away from her lips She controlled herself by the
help of an inward defiance and without other sign of emotion than this
lippaleness turned to her play But Derondas gaze seemed to have acted as an
evil eye Her stake was gone No matter she had been winning ever since she
took to roulette with a few napoleons at command and had a considerable
reserve She had begun to believe in her luck others had begun to believe in
it she had visions of being followed by a cortège who would worship her as a
goddess of luck and watch her play as a directing augury Such things had been
known of male gamblers why should not a woman have a like supremacy Her friend
and chaperon who had not wished her to play at first was beginning to approve
only administering the prudent advice to stop at the right moment and carry
money back to England advice to which Gwendolen had replied that she cared for
the excitement of play not the winnings On that supposition the present moment
ought to have made the floodtide in her eager experience of gambling Yet when
her next stake was swept away she felt the orbits of her eyes getting hot and
the certainty she had without looking of that man still watching her was
something like a pressure which begins to be torturing The more reason to her
why she should not flinch but go on playing as if she were indifferent to loss
or gain Her friend touched her elbow and proposed that they should quit the
table For reply Gwendolen put ten louis on the same spot she was in that mood
of defiance in which the mind loses sight of any end beyond the satisfaction of
enraged resistance and with the puerile stupidity of a dominant impulse
includes luck among its objects of defiance Since she was not winning
strikingly the next best thing was to lose strikingly She controlled her
muscles and showed no tremor of mouth or hands Each time her stake was swept
off she doubled it Many were now watching her but the sole observation she was
conscious of was Derondas who though she never looked towards him she was
sure had not moved away Such a drama takes no long while to play out
development and catastrophe can often be measured by nothing clumsier than the
momenthand »Faites votre jeu mesdames et messieurs« said the automatic voice
of destiny from between the mustache and imperial of the croupier and
Gwendolens arm was stretched to deposit her last poor heap of napoleons »Le
jeu ne va plus« said destiny And in five seconds Gwendolen turned from the
table but turned resolutely with her face towards Deronda and looked at him
There was a smile of irony in his eyes as their glances met but it was at least
better that he should have kept his attention fixed on her than that he should
have disregarded her as one of an insect swarm who had no individual
physiognomy Besides in spite of his superciliousness and irony it was
difficult to believe that he did not admire her spirit as well as her person he
was young handsome distinguished in appearance not one of those ridiculous
and dowdy Philistines who thought it incumbent on them to blight the
gamingtable with a sour look of protest as they passed by it The general
conviction that we are admirable does not easily give way before a single
negative rather when any of Vanitys large family male or female find their
performance received coldly they are apt to believe that a little more of it
will win over the unaccountable dissident In Gwendolens habits of mind it had
been taken for granted that she knew what was admirable and that she herself was
admired This basis of her thinking had received a disagreeable concussion and
reeled a little but was not easily to be overthrown
In the evening the same room was more stiflingly heated was brilliant with
gas and with the costumes of many ladies who floated their trains along it or
were seated on the ottomans
The Nereid in seagreen robes and silver ornaments with a pale seagreen
feather fastened in silver falling backward over her green hat and lightbrown
hair was Gwendolen Harleth She was under the wing or rather soared by the
shoulder of the lady who had sat by her at the roulettetable and with them was
a gentleman with a white mustache and clipped hair solidbrowed stiff and
German They were walking about or standing to chat with acquaintances and
Gwendolen was much observed by the seated groups
»A striking girl that Miss Harleth unlike others«
»Yes she has got herself up as a sort of serpent now all green and silver
and winds her neck about a little more than usual«
»Oh she must always be doing something extraordinary She is that kind of
girl I fancy Do you think her pretty Mr Vandernoodt«
»Very A man might risk hanging for her I mean a fool might«
»You like a nez retroussé then and long narrow eyes«
»When they go with such an ensemble«
»The ensemble du serpent«
»If you will Woman was tempted by a serpent why not man«
»She is certainly very graceful But she wants a tinge of colour in her
cheeks it is a sort of Lamia beauty she has«
»On the contrary I think her complexion one of her chief charms It is a
warm paleness it looks thoroughly healthy And that delicate nose with its
gradual little upward curve is distracting And then her mouth there never was
a prettier mouth the lips curl backward so finely eh Mackworth«
»Think so I cannot endure that sort of mouth It looks so selfcomplacent
as if it knew its own beauty the curves are too immovable I like a mouth that
trembles more«
»For my part I think her odious« said a dowager »It is wonderful what
unpleasant girls get into vogue Who are these Langens Does anybody know them«
»They are quite comme il faut I have dined with them several times at the
Russie The baroness is English Miss Harleth calls her cousin The girl herself
is thoroughly wellbred and as clever as possible«
»Dear me And the baron«
»A very good furniture picture«
»Your baroness is always at the roulettetable« said Mackworth »I fancy
she has taught the girl to gamble«
»Oh the old woman plays a very sober game drops a tenfranc piece here and
there The girl is more headlong But it is only a freak«
»I hear she has lost all her winnings today Are they rich Who knows«
»Ah who knows Who knows that about anybody« said Mr Vandernoodt moving
off to join the Langens
The remark that Gwendolen wound her neck about more than usual this evening
was true But it was not that she might carry out the serpent idea more
completely it was that she watched for any chance of seeing Deronda so that
she might inquire about this stranger under whose measuring gaze she was still
wincing At last her opportunity came
»Mr Vandernoodt you know everybody« said Gwendolen not too eagerly
rather with a certain languor of utterance which she sometimes gave to her clear
soprano »Who is that near the door«
»There are halfadozen near the door Do you mean that old Adonis in the
George the Fourth wig«
»No no the darkhaired young man on the right with the dreadful
expression«
»Dreadful do you call it I think he is an uncommonly fine fellow«
»But who is he«
»He is lately come to our hotel with Sir Hugo Mallinger«
»Sir Hugo Mallinger«
»Yes Do you know him«
»No« Gwendolen coloured slightly »He has a place near us but he never
comes to it What did you say was the name of that gentleman near the door«
»Deronda Mr Deronda«
»What a delightful name Is he an Englishman«
»Yes He is reported to be rather closely related to the baronet You are
interested in him«
»Yes I think he is not like young men in general«
»And you dont admire young men in general«
»Not in the least I always know what they will say I cant at all guess
what this Mr Deronda would say What does he say«
»Nothing chiefly I sat with his party for a good hour last night on the
terrace and he never spoke and was not smoking either He looked bored«
»Another reason why I should like to know him I am always bored«
»I should think he would be charmed to have an introduction Shall I bring
it about Will you allow it baroness«
»Why not since he is related to Sir Hugo Mallinger It is a new rôle of
yours Gwendolen to be always bored« continued Madame von Langen when Mr
Vandernoodt had moved away »Until now you have always seemed eager about
something from morning till night«
»That is just because I am bored to death If I am to leave off play I must
break my arm or my collarbone I must make something happen unless you will go
into Switzerland and take me up the Matterhorn«
»Perhaps this Mr Derondas acquaintance will do instead of the Matterhorn«
»Perhaps«
But Gwendolen did not make Derondas acquaintance on this occasion Mr
Vandernoodt did not succeed in bringing him up to her that evening and when she
reentered her own room she found a letter recalling her home
Chapter II
This man contrives a secret twixt us two
That he may quell me with his meeting eyes
Like one who quells a lioness at bay
This was the letter Gwendolen found on her table
Dearest child I have been expecting to hear from you for a week In
your last you said the Langens thought of leaving Leubronn and going to
Baden How could you be so thoughtless as to leave me in uncertainty
about your address I am in the greatest anxiety lest this should not
reach you In any case you were to come home at the end of September
and I must now entreat you to return as quickly as possible for if you
spent all your money it would be out of my power to send you any more
and you must not borrow of the Langens for I could not repay them This
is the sad truth my child I wish I could prepare you for it better
but a dreadful calamity has befallen us all You know nothing about
business and will not understand it but Grapnell amp Co have failed
for a million and we are totally ruined your aunt Gascoigne as well as
I only that your uncle has his benefice so that by putting down their
carriage and getting interest for the boys the family can go on All
the property our poor father saved for us goes to pay the liabilities
There is nothing I can call my own It is better you should know this at
once though it rends my heart to have to tell it you Of course we
cannot help thinking what a pity it was that you went away just when you
did But I shall never reproach you my dear child I would save you
from all trouble if I could On your way home you will have time to
prepare yourself for the change you will find We shall perhaps leave
Offendene at once for we hope that Mr Haynes who wanted it before
may be ready to take it off my hands Of course we cannot go to the
Rectory there is not a corner there to spare We must get some hut or
other to shelter us and we must live on your uncle Gascoignes charity
until I see what else can be done I shall not be able to pay the debts
to the tradesmen besides the servants wages Summon up your fortitude
my dear child we must resign ourselves to Gods will But it is hard to
resign ones self to Mr Lassmans wicked recklessness which they say
was the cause of the failure Your poor sisters can only cry with me and
give me no help If you were once here there might be a break in the
cloud I always feel it impossible that you can have been meant for
poverty If the Langens wish to remain abroad perhaps you can put
yourself under some one elses care for the journey But come as soon as
you can to your afflicted and loving mamma
FANNY DAVILOW
The first effect of this letter on Gwendolen was half stupefying The implicit
confidence that her destiny must be one of luxurious ease where any trouble
that occurred would be well clad and provided for had been stronger in her own
mind than in her mammas being fed there by her youthful blood and that sense
of superior claims which made a large part of her consciousness It was almost
as difficult for her to believe suddenly that her position had become one of
poverty and humiliating dependence as it would have been to get into the strong
current of her blooming life the chill sense that her death would really come
She stood motionless for a few minutes then tossed off her hat and
automatically looked in the glass The coils of her smooth lightbrown hair were
still in order perfect enough for a ballroom and as on other nights Gwendolen
might have looked lingeringly at herself for pleasure surely an allowable
indulgence but now she took no conscious note of her reflected beauty and
simply stared right before her as if she had been jarred by a hateful sound and
was waiting for any sign of its cause Byandby she threw herself in the corner
of the red velvet sofa took up the letter again and read it twice deliberately
letting it at last fall on the ground while she rested her clasped hands on her
lap and sat perfectly still shedding no tears Her impulse was to survey and
resist the situation rather than to wail over it There was no inward
exclamation of »Poor mamma« Her mamma had never seemed to get much enjoyment
out of life and if Gwendolen had been at this moment disposed to feel pity she
would have bestowed it on herself for was she not naturally and rightfully the
chief object of her mammas anxiety too But it was anger it was resistance
that possessed her it was bitter vexation that she had lost her gains at
roulette whereas if her luck had continued through this one day she would have
had a handsome sum to carry home or she might have gone on playing and won
enough to support them all Even now was it not possible She had only four
napoleons left in her purse but she possessed some ornaments which she could
sell a practice so common in stylish society at German baths that there was no
need to be ashamed of it and even if she had not received her mammas letter
she would probably have decided to get money for an Etruscan necklace which she
happened not to have been wearing since her arrival nay she might have done so
with an agreeable sense that she was living with some intensity and escaping
humdrum With ten louis at her disposal and a return of her former luck which
seemed probable what could she do better than go on playing for a few days If
her friends at home disapproved of the way in which she got the money as they
certainly would still the money would be there Gwendolens imagination dwelt
on this course and created agreeable consequences but not with unbroken
confidence and rising certainty as it would have done if she had been touched
with the gamblers mania She had gone to the roulettetable not because of
passion but in search of it her mind was still sanely capable of picturing
balanced probabilities and while the chance of winning allured her the chance
of losing thrust itself on her with alternate strength and made a vision from
which her pride shrank sensitively For she was resolved not to tell the Langens
that any misfortune had befallen her family or to make herself in any way
indebted to their compassion and if she were to part with her jewellery to any
observable extent they would interfere by inquiries and remonstrances The
course that held the least risk of intolerable annoyance was to raise money on
her necklace early in the morning tell the Langens that her mamma desired her
immediate return without giving a reason and take the train for Brussels that
evening She had no maid with her and the Langens might make difficulties about
her returning alone but her will was peremptory
Instead of going to bed she made as brilliant a light as she could and began
to pack working diligently though all the while visited by the scenes that
might take place on the coming day now by the tiresome explanations and
farewells and the whirling journey towards a changed home now by the
alternative of staying just another day and standing again at the
roulettetable But always in this latter scene there was the presence of that
Deronda watching her with exasperating irony and the two keen experiences
were inevitably revived together beholding her again forsaken by luck This
importunate image certainly helped to sway her resolve on the side of immediate
departure and to urge her packing to the point which would make a change of
mind inconvenient It had struck twelve when she came into her room and by the
time she was assuring herself that she had left out only what was necessary the
faint dawn was stealing through the white blinds and dulling her candles What
was the use of going to bed Her cold bath was refreshment enough and she saw
that a slight trace of fatigue about the eyes only made her look the more
interesting Before six oclock she was completely equipped in her grey
travelling dress even to her felt hat for she meant to walk out as soon as she
could count on seeing other ladies on their way to the springs And happening to
be seated sideways before the long strip of mirror between her two windows she
turned to look at herself leaning her elbow on the back of the chair in an
attitude that might have been chosen for her portrait It is possible to have a
strong selflove without any selfsatisfaction rather with a selfdiscontent
which is the more intense because ones own little core of egoistic sensibility
is a supreme care but Gwendolen knew nothing of such inward strife She had a
naïve delight in her fortunate self which any but the harshest saintliness will
have some indulgence for in a girl who had every day seen a pleasant reflection
of that self in her friends flattery as well as in the lookingglass And even
in this beginning of troubles while for lack of anything else to do she sat
gazing at her image in the growing light her face gathered a complacency
gradual as the cheerfulness of the morning Her beautiful lips curled into a
more and more decided smile till at last she took off her hat leaned forward
and kissed the cold glass which had looked so warm How could she believe in
sorrow If it attacked her she felt the force to crush it to defy it or run
away from it as she had done already Anything seemed more possible than that
she could go on bearing miseries great or small
Madame von Langen never went out before breakfast so that Gwendolen could
safely end her early walk by taking her way homeward through the Obere Strasse
in which was the needed shop sure to be open after seven At that hour any
observers whom she minded would be either on their walks in the region of the
springs or would be still in their bedrooms but certainly there was one grand
hotel the Czarina from which eyes might follow her up to Mr Wieners door
This was a chance to be risked might she not be going in to buy something which
had struck her fancy This implicit falsehood passed through her mind as she
remembered that the Czarina was Derondas hotel but she was then already far up
the Obere Strasse and she walked on with her usual floating movement every
line in her figure and drapery falling in gentle curves attractive to all eyes
except those which discerned in them too close a resemblance to the serpent and
objected to the revival of serpentworship She looked neither to the right hand
nor to the left and transacted her business in the shop with a coolness which
gave little Mr Wiener nothing to remark except her proud grace of manner and
the superior size and quality of the three central turquoises in the necklace
she offered him They had belonged to a chain once her fathers but she had
never known her father and the necklace was in all respects the ornament she
could most conveniently part with Who supposes that it is an impossible
contradiction to be superstitious and rationalising at the same time Roulette
encourages a romantic superstition as to the chances of the game and the most
prosaic rationalism as to human sentiments which stand in the way of raising
needful money Gwendolens dominant regret was that after all she had only nine
louis to add to the four in her purse these Jew dealers were so unscrupulous in
taking advantage of Christians unfortunate at play But she was the Langens
guest in their hired apartment and had nothing to pay there thirteen louis
would do more than take her home even if she determined on risking three the
remaining ten would more than suffice since she meant to travel right on day
and night As she turned homewards nay entered and seated herself in the salon
to await her friends and breakfast she still wavered as to her immediate
departure or rather she had concluded to tell the Langens simply that she had
had a letter from her mamma desiring her return and to leave it still undecided
when she should start It was already the usual breakfast time and hearing some
one enter as she was leaning back rather tired and hungry with her eyes shut
she rose expecting to see one or other of the Langens the words which might
determine her lingering at least another day readyformed to pass her lips But
it was the servant bringing in a small packet for Miss Harleth which had that
moment been left at the door Gwendolen took it in her hand and immediately
hurried into her own room She looked paler and more agitated than when she had
first read her mammas letter Something she never quite knew what revealed
to her before she opened the packet that it contained the necklace she had just
parted with Underneath the paper it was wrapt in a cambric handkerchief and
within this was a scrap of tornoff notepaper on which was written with a
pencil in clear but rapid handwriting »A stranger who has found Miss Harleths
necklace returns it to her with the hope that she will not again risk the loss
of it«
Gwendolen reddened with the vexation of wounded pride A large corner of the
handkerchief seemed to have been recklessly torn off to get rid of a mark but
she at once believed in the first image of »the stranger« that presented itself
to her mind It was Deronda he must have seen her go into the shop he must
have gone in immediately after and repurchased the necklace He had taken an
unpardonable liberty and had dared to place her in a thoroughly hateful
position What could she do Not assuredly act on her conviction that it was
he who had sent her the necklace and straightway send it back to him that would
be to face the possibility that she had been mistaken nay even if the
»stranger« were he and no other it would be something too gross for her to let
him know that she had divined this and to meet him again with that recognition
in their minds He knew very well that he was entangling her in helpless
humiliation it was another way of smiling at her ironically and taking the air
of a supercilious mentor Gwendolen felt the bitter tears of mortification
rising and rolling down her cheeks No one had ever before dared to treat her
with irony and contempt One thing was clear she must carry out her resolution
to quit this place at once it was impossible for her to reappear in the public
salon still less stand at the gamingtable with the risk of seeing Deronda Now
came an importunate knock at the door breakfast was ready Gwendolen with a
passionate movement thrust necklace cambric scrap of paper and all into her
nécessaire pressed her handkerchief against her face and after pausing a
minute or two to summon back her proud selfcontrol went to join her friends
Such signs of tears and fatigue as were left seemed accordant enough with the
account she at once gave of her having been called home for some reason which
she feared might be a trouble of her mammas and of her having sat up to do her
packing instead of waiting for help from her friends maid There was much
protestation as she had expected against her travelling alone but she
persisted in refusing any arrangements for companionship She would be put into
the ladies compartment and go right on She could rest exceedingly well in the
train and was afraid of nothing
In this way it happened that Gwendolen never reappeared at the
roulettetable but that Thursday evening left Leubronn for Brussels and on
Saturday morning arrived at Offendene the home to which she and her family were
soon to say a last goodbye
Chapter III
»Let no flower of the spring pass by us let us crown ourselves with
rosebuds before they be withered«
Book of Wisdom
Pity that Offendene was not the home of Miss Harleths childhood or endeared to
her by family memories A human life I think should be well rooted in some
spot of a native land where it may get the love of tender kinship for the face
of earth for the labours men go forth to for the sounds and accents that haunt
it for whatever will give that early home a familiar unmistakable difference
amidst the future widening of knowledge a spot where the definiteness of early
memories may be inwrought with affection and kindly acquaintance with all
neighbours even to the dogs and donkeys may spread not by sentimental effort
and reflection but as a sweet habit of the blood At five years old mortals
are not prepared to be citizens of the world to be stimulated by abstract
nouns to soar above preference into impartiality and that prejudice in favour
of milk with which we blindly begin is a type of the way body and soul must get
nourished at least for a time The best introduction to astronomy is to think of
the nightly heavens as a little lot of stars belonging to ones own homestead
But this blessed persistence in which affection can take root had been
wanting in Gwendolens life It was only a year before her recall from Leubronn
that Offendene had been chosen as her mammas home simply for its nearness to
Pennicote Rectory and that Mrs Davilow Gwendolen and her four halfsisters
the governess and the maid following in another vehicle had been driven along
the avenue for the first time on a late October afternoon when the rooks were
cawing loudly above them and the yellow elmleaves were whirling
The season suited the aspect of the old oblong redbrick house rather too
anxiously ornamented with stone at every line not excepting the double row of
narrow windows and the large square portico The stone encouraged a greenish
lichen the brick a powdery grey so that though the building was rigidly
rectangular there was no harshness in the physiognomy which it turned to the
three avenues cut east west and south in the hundred yards breadth of old
plantation encircling the immediate grounds One would have liked the house to
have been lifted on a knoll so as to look beyond its own little domain to the
long thatched roofs of the distant villages the church towers the scattered
homesteads the gradual rise of surging woods and the green breadths of
undulating park which made the beautiful face of the earth in that part of
Wessex But though standing thus behind a screen amid flat pastures it had on
one side a glimpse of the wider world in the lofty curves of the chalk downs
grand steadfast forms played over by the changing days
The house was but just large enough to be called a mansion and was
moderately rented having no manor attached to it and being rather difficult to
let with its sombre furniture and faded upholstery But inside and outside it
was what no beholder could suppose to be inhabited by retired tradespeople a
certainty which was worth many conveniences to tenants who not only had the
taste that shrinks from new finery but also were in that borderterritory of
rank where annexation is a burning topic and to take up her abode in a house
which had once sufficed for dowager countesses gave a perceptible tinge to Mrs
Davilows satisfaction in having an establishment of her own This rather
mysteriously to Gwendolen appeared suddenly possible on the death of her
stepfather Captain Davilow who had for the last nine years joined his family
only in a brief and fitful manner enough to reconcile them to his long
absences but she cared much more for the fact than for the explanation All her
prospects had become more agreeable in consequence She had disliked their
former way of life roving from one foreign wateringplace or Parisian apartment
to another always feeling new antipathies to new suites of hired furniture and
meeting new people under conditions which made her appear of little importance
and the variation of having passed two years at a showy school where on all
occasions of display she had been put foremost had only deepened her sense that
so exceptional a person as herself could hardly remain in ordinary circumstances
or in a social position less than advantageous Any fear of this latter evil was
banished now that her mamma was to have an establishment for on the point of
birth Gwendolen was quite easy She had no notion how her maternal grandfather
got the fortune inherited by his two daughters but he had been a West Indian
which seemed to exclude further question and she knew that her fathers family
was so high as to take no notice of her mamma who nevertheless preserved with
much pride the miniature of a Lady Molly in that connection She would probably
have known much more about her father but for a little incident which happened
when she was twelve years old Mrs Davilow had brought out as she did only at
wide intervals various memorials of her first husband and while showing his
miniature to Gwendolen recalled with a fervour which seemed to count on a
peculiar filial sympathy the fact that dear papa had died when his little
daughter was in long clothes Gwendolen immediately thinking of the unlovable
stepfather whom she had been acquainted with the greater part of her life while
her frocks were short said
»Why did you marry again mamma It would have been nicer if you had not«
Mrs Davilow coloured deeply a slight convulsive movement passed over her
face and straightway shutting up the memorials she said with a violence quite
unusual in her
»You have no feeling child«
Gwendolen who was fond of her mamma felt hurt and ashamed and had never
since dared to ask a question about her father
This was not the only instance in which she had brought on herself the pain
of some filial compunction It was always arranged when possible that she
should have a small bed in her mammas room for Mrs Davilows motherly
tenderness clung chiefly to her eldest girl who had been born in her happier
time One night under an attack of pain she found that the specific regularly
placed by her bedside had been forgotten and begged Gwendolen to get out of bed
and reach it for her That healthy young lady snug and warm as a rosy infant in
her little couch objected to step out into the cold and lying perfectly still
grumbled a refusal Mrs Davilow went without the medicine and never reproached
her daughter but the next day Gwendolen was keenly conscious of what must be in
her mammas mind and tried to make amends by caresses which cost her no effort
Having always been the pet and pride of the household waited on by mother
sisters governess and maids as if she had been a princess in exile she
naturally found it difficult to think her own pleasure less important than
others made it and when it was positively thwarted felt an astonished
resentment apt in her cruder days to vent itself in one of those passionate
acts which look like a contradiction of habitual tendencies Though never even
as a child thoughtlessly cruel nay delighting to rescue drowning insects and
watch their recovery there was a disagreeable silent remembrance of her having
strangled her sisters canarybird in a final fit of exasperation at its shrill
singing which had again and again jarringly interrupted her own She had taken
pains to buy a white mouse for her sister in retribution and though inwardly
excusing herself on the ground of a peculiar sensitiveness which was a mark of
her general superiority the thought of that infelonious murder had always made
her wince Gwendolens nature was not remorseless but she liked to make her
penances easy and now that she was twenty and more some of her native force
had turned into a selfcontrol by which she guarded herself from penitential
humiliation There was more show of fire and will in her than ever but there
was more calculation underneath it
On this day of arrival at Offendene which not even Mrs Davilow had seen
before the place having been taken for her by her brotherinlaw Mr Gascoigne
when all had got down from the carriage and were standing under the porch in
front of the open door so that they could have both a general view of the
place and a glimpse of the stone hall and staircase hung with sombre pictures
but enlivened by a bright wood fire no one spoke mamma the four sisters and
the governess all looked at Gwendolen as if their feelings depended entirely on
her decision Of the girls from Alice in her sixteenth year to Isabel in her
tenth hardly anything could be said on a first view but that they were
girlish and that their black dresses were getting shabby Miss Merry was
elderly and altogether neutral in expression Mrs Davilows worn beauty seemed
the more pathetic for the look of entire appeal which she cast at Gwendolen who
was glancing round at the house the landscape and the entrancehall with an
air of rapid judgment Imagine a young racehorse in the paddock among untrimmed
ponies and patient hacks
»Well dear what do you think of the place« said Mrs Davilow at last in
a gentle deprecatory tone
»I think it is charming« said Gwendolen quickly »A romantic place
anything delightful may happen in it it would be a good background for
anything No one need be ashamed of living here«
»There is certainly nothing common about it«
»Oh it would do for fallen royalty or any sort of grand poverty We ought
properly to have been living in splendour and have come down to this It would
have been as romantic as could be But I thought my uncle and aunt Gascoigne
would be here to meet us and my cousin Anna« added Gwendolen her tone changed
to sharp surprise
»We are early« said Mrs Davilow and entering the hall she said to the
housekeeper who came forward »You expect Mr and Mrs Gascoigne«
»Yes madam they were here yesterday to give particular orders about the
fires and the dinner But as to fires Ive bad em in all the rooms for the
last week and everything is well aired I could wish some of the furniture paid
better for all the cleaning its had but I think youll see the brasses have
been done justice to I think when Mr and Mrs Gascoigne come theyll tell you
nothings been neglected Theyll be here at five for certain«
This satisfied Gwendolen who was not prepared to have their arrival treated
with indifference and after tripping a little way up the matted stone staircase
to take a survey there she tripped down again and followed by all the girls
looked into each of the rooms opening from the hall the diningroom all dark
oak and worn red satin damask with a copy of snarling worrying dogs from
Snyders over the sideboard and a Christ breaking bread over the mantelpiece
the library with a general aspect and smell of old brown leather and lastly
the drawingroom which was entered through a small antechamber crowded with
venerable knickknacks
»Mamma mamma pray come here« said Gwendolen Mrs Davilow having followed
slowly in talk with the housekeeper »Here is an organ I will be Saint Cecilia
some one shall paint me as Saint Cecilia Jocosa this was her name for Miss
Merry let down my hair See mamma«
She had thrown off her hat and gloves and seated herself before the organ
in an admirable pose looking upward while the submissive and sad Jocosa took
out the one comb which fastened the coil of hair and then shook out the mass
till it fell in a smooth lightbrown stream far below its owners slim waist
Mrs Davilow smiled and said »A charming picture my dear« not indifferent
to the display of her pet even in the presence of a housekeeper Gwendolen rose
and laughed with delight All this seemed quite to the purpose on entering a new
house which was so excellent a background
»What a queer quaint picturesque room« she went on looking about her »I
like these old embroidered chairs and the garlands on the wainscot and the
pictures that may be anything That one with the ribs nothing but ribs and
darkness I should think that is Spanish mamma«
»Oh Gwendolen« said the small Isabel in a tone of astonishment while she
held open a hinged panel of the wainscot at the other end of the room
Every one Gwendolen first went to look The opened panel had disclosed the
picture of an upturned dead face from which an obscure figure seemed to be
fleeing with outstretched arms »How horrible« said Mrs Davilow with a look
of mere disgust but Gwendolen shuddered silently and Isabel a plain and
altogether inconvenient child with an alarming memory said
»You will never stay in this room by yourself Gwendolen«
»How dare you open things which were meant to be shut up you perverse
little creature« said Gwendolen in her angriest tone Then snatching the panel
out of the hand of the culprit she closed it hastily saying »There is a lock
where is the key Let the key be found or else let one be made and let
nobody open it again or rather let the key be brought to me«
At this command to everybody in general Gwendolen turned with a face which
was flushed in reaction from her chill shudder and said »Let us go up to our
own room mamma«
The housekeeper on searching found the key in the drawer of a cabinet close
by the panel and presently handed it to Bugle the ladysmaid telling her
significantly to give it to her Royal Highness
»I dont know who you mean Mrs Startin« said Bugle who had been busy
upstairs during the scene in the drawingroom and was rather offended at this
irony in a new servant
»I mean the young lady thats to command us all and well worthy for looks
and figure« replied Mrs Startin in propitiation »Shell know what key it is«
»If you have laid out what we want go and see to the others Bugle«
Gwendolen had said when she and Mrs Davilow entered their black and yellow
bedroom where a pretty little white couch was prepared by the side of the black
and yellow catafalque known as the best bed »I will help mamma«
But her first movement was to go to the tall mirror between the windows
which reflected herself and the room completely while her mamma sat down and
also looked at the reflection
»That is a becoming glass Gwendolen or is it the black and gold colour
that sets you off« said Mrs Davilow as Gwendolen stood obliquely with her
threequarter face turned towards the mirror and her left hand brushing back
the stream of hair
»I should make a tolerable Saint Cecilia with some white roses on my head«
said Gwendolen »only how about my nose mamma I think saints noses never
in the least turn up I wish you had given me your perfectly straight nose it
would have done for any sort of character a nose of all work Mine is only a
happy nose it would not do so well for tragedy«
»Oh my dear any nose will do to be miserable with in this world« said
Mrs Davilow with a deep weary sigh throwing her black bonnet on the table
and resting her elbow near it
»Now mamma« said Gwendolen in a strongly remonstrant tone turning away
from the glass with an air of vexation »dont begin to be dull here It spoils
all my pleasure and everything may be so happy now What have you to be gloomy
about now«
»Nothing dear« said Mrs Davilow seeming to rouse herself and beginning
to take off her dress »It is always enough for me to see you happy«
»But you should be happy yourself« said Gwendolen still discontentedly
though going to help her mamma with caressing touches »Can nobody be happy
after they are quite young You have made me feel sometimes as if nothing were
of any use With the girls so troublesome and Jocosa so dreadfully wooden and
ugly and everything makeshift about us and you looking so dull what was the
use of my being anything But now you might be happy«
»So I shall dear« said Mrs Davilow patting the cheek that was bending
near her
»Yes but really Not with a sort of makebelieve« said Gwendolen with
resolute perseverance »See what a hand and arm much more beautiful than
mine Any one can see you were altogether more beautiful«
»No no dear I was always heavier Never half so charming as you are«
»Well but what is the use of my being charming if it is to end in my being
dull and not minding anything Is that what marriage always comes to«
»No child certainly not Marriage is the only happy state for a woman as
I trust you will prove«
»I will not put up with it if it is not a happy state I am determined to be
happy at least not to go on muddling away my life as other people do being
and doing nothing remarkable I have made up my mind not to let other people
interfere with me as they have done Here is some warm water ready for you
mamma« Gwendolen ended proceeding to take off her own dress and then waiting
to have her hair wound up by her mamma
There was silence for a minute or two till Mrs Davilow said while coiling
the daughters hair »I am sure I have never crossed you Gwendolen«
»You often want me to do what I dont like«
»You mean to give Alice lessons«
»Yes And I have done it because you asked me But I dont see why I should
else It bores me to death she is so slow She has no ear for music or
language or anything else It would be much better for her to be ignorant
mamma it is her rôle she would do it well«
»That is a hard thing to say of your poor sister Gwendolen who is so good
to you and waits on you hand and foot«
»I dont see why it is hard to call things by their right names and put
them in their proper places The hardship is for me to have to waste my time on
her Now let me fasten up your hair mamma«
»We must make haste your uncle and aunt will be here soon For heavens
sake dont be scornful to them my dear child or to your cousin Anna whom you
will always be going out with Do promise me Gwendolen You know you cant
expect Anna to be equal to you«
»I dont want her to be equal« said Gwendolen with a toss of her head and
a smile and the discussion ended there
When Mr and Mrs Gascoigne and their daughter came Gwendolen far from
being scornful behaved as prettily as possible to them She was introducing
herself anew to relatives who had not seen her since the comparatively
unfinished age of sixteen and she was anxious no not anxious but resolved
that they should admire her
Mrs Gascoigne bore a family likeness to her sister But she was darker and
slighter her face was unworn by grief her movements were less languid her
expression more alert and critical as that of a rectors wife bound to exert a
beneficent authority Their closest resemblance lay in a nonresistant
disposition inclined to imitation and obedience but this owing to the
difference in their circumstances had led them to very different issues The
younger sister had been indiscreet or at least unfortunate in her marriages
the elder believed herself the most enviable of wives and her pliancy had ended
in her sometimes taking shapes of surprising definiteness Many of her opinions
such as those on church government and the character of Archbishop Laud seemed
too decided under every alteration to have been arrived at otherwise than by a
wifely receptiveness And there was much to encourage trust in her husbands
authority He had some agreeable virtues some striking advantages and the
failings that were imputed to him all leaned toward the side of success
One of his advantages was a fine person which perhaps was even more
impressive at fiftyseven than it had been earlier in life There were no
distinctively clerical lines in the face no official reserve or ostentatious
benignity of expression no tricks of starchiness or of affected ease in his
Inverness cape he could not have been identified except as a gentleman with
handsome dark features a nose which began with an intention to be aquiline but
suddenly became straight and irongrey hair Perhaps he owed this freedom from
the sort of professional makeup which penetrates skin tones and gestures and
defies all drapery to the fact that he had once been Captain Gaskin having
taken orders and a diphthong but shortly before his engagement to Miss Armyn If
any one had objected that his preparation for the clerical function was
inadequate his friends might have asked who made a better figure in it who
preached better or had more authority in his parish He had a native gift for
administration being tolerant both of opinions and conduct because he felt
himself able to overrule them and was free from the irritations of conscious
feebleness He smiled pleasantly at the foible of a taste which he did not share
at floriculture or antiquarianism for example which were much in vogue among
his fellowclergymen in the diocese for himself he preferred following the
history of a campaign or divining from his knowledge of Nesselrodes motives
what would have been his conduct if our cabinet had taken a different course
Mr Gascoignes tone of thinking after some longquieted fluctuations had become
ecclesiastical rather than theological not the modern Anglican but what he
would have called sound English free from nonsense such as became a man who
looked at a national religion by daylight and saw it in its relations to other
things No clerical magistrate had greater weight at sessions or less of
mischievous impracticableness in relation to worldly affairs Indeed the worst
imputation thrown out against him was worldliness it could not be proved that
he forsook the less fortunate but it was not to be denied that the friendships
he cultivated were of a kind likely to be useful to the father of six sons and
two daughters and bitter observers for in Wessex say ten years ago there
were persons whose bitterness may now seem incredible remarked that the colour
of his opinions had changed in consistency with this principle of action But
cheerful successful worldliness has a false air of being more selfish than the
acrid unsuccessful kind whose secret history is summed up in the terrible
words »Sold but not paid for«
Gwendolen wondered that she had not better remembered how very fine a man
her uncle was but at the age of sixteen she was a less capable and more
indifferent judge At present it was a matter of extreme interest to her that
she was to have the near countenance of a dignified male relative and that the
family life would cease to be entirely insipidly feminine She did not intend
that her uncle should control her but she saw at once that it would be
altogether agreeable to her that he should be proud of introducing her as his
niece And there was every sign of his being likely to feel that pride He
certainly looked at her with admiration as he said
»You have outgrown Anna my dear« putting his arm tenderly round his
daughter whose shy face was a tiny copy of his own and drawing her forward
»She is not so old as you by a year but her growing days are certainly over I
hope you will be excellent companions«
He did give a comparing glance at his daughter but if he saw her
inferiority he might also see that Annas timid appearance and miniature figure
must appeal to a different taste from that which was attracted by Gwendolen and
that the girls could hardly be rivals Gwendolen at least was aware of this
and kissed her cousin with real cordiality as well as grace saying »A
companion is just what I want I am so glad we are come to live here And mamma
will be much happier now she is near you aunt«
The aunt trusted indeed that it would be so and felt it a blessing that a
suitable home had been vacant in their uncles parish Then of course notice
had to be taken of the four other girls whom Gwendolen had always felt to be
superfluous all of a girlish average that made four units utterly unimportant
and yet from her earliest days an obtrusive influential fact in her life She
was conscious of having been much kinder to them than could have been expected
And it was evident to her that her uncle and aunt also felt it a pity there were
so many girls what rational person could feel otherwise except poor mamma
who never would see how Alice set up her shoulders and lifted her eyebrows till
she had no forehead left how Bertha and Fanny whispered and tittered together
about everything or how Isabel was always listening and staring and forgetting
where she was and treading on the toes of her suffering elders
»You have brothers Anna« said Gwendolen while the sisters were being
noticed »I think you are enviable there«
»Yes« said Anna simply »I am very fond of them but of course their
education is a great anxiety to papa He used to say they made me a tomboy I
really was a great romp with Rex I think you will like Rex He will come home
before Christmas«
»I remember I used to think you rather wild and shy but it is difficult now
to imagine you a romp« said Gwendolen smiling
»Of course I am altered now I am come out and all that But in reality I
like to go blackberrying with Edwy and Lotta as well as ever I am not very
fond of going out but I daresay I shall like it better now you will be often
with me I am not at all clever and I never know what to say It seems so
useless to say what everybody knows and I can think of nothing else except
what papa says«
»I shall like going out with you very much« said Gwendolen well disposed
towards this naïve cousin »Are you fond of riding«
»Yes but we have only one Shetland pony amongst us Papa says he cant
afford more besides the carriagehorses and his own nag he has so many
expenses«
»I intend to have a horse and ride a great deal now« said Gwendolen in a
tone of decision »Is the society pleasant in this neighbourhood«
»Papa says it is very There are the clergymen all about you know and the
Quallons and the Arrowpoints and Lord Brackenshaw and Sir Hugo Mallingers
place where there is nobody thats very nice because we make picnics there
and two or three families at Wanchester oh and old Mrs Vulcany at
Nuttingwood and «
But Anna was relieved of this tax on her descriptive powers by the
announcement of dinner and Gwendolens question was soon indirectly answered by
her uncle who dwelt much on the advantages he had secured for them in getting a
place like Offendene Except the rent it involved no more expense than an
ordinary house at Wanchester would have done
»And it is always worth while to make a little sacrifice for a good style of
house« said Mr Gascoigne in his easy pleasantly confident tone which made
the world in general seem a very manageable place of residence »especially
where there is only a lady at the head All the best people will call upon you
and you need give no expensive dinners Of course I have to spend a good deal in
that way it is a large item But then I get my house for nothing If I had to
pay three hundred ayear for my house I could not keep a table My boys are too
great a drain on me You are better off than we are in proportion there is no
great drain on you now after your house and carriage«
»I assure you Fanny now the children are growing up I am obliged to cut
and contrive« said Mrs Gascoigne »I am not a good manager by nature but
Henry has taught me He is wonderful for making the best of everything he
allows himself no extras and gets his curates for nothing It is rather hard
that he has not been made a prebendary or something as others have been
considering the friends he has made and the need there is for men of moderate
opinions in all respects If the Church is to keep its position ability and
character ought to tell«
»Oh my dear Nancy you forget the old story thank Heaven there are three
hundred as good as I And ultimately we shall have no reason to complain I am
pretty sure There could hardly be a more thorough friend than Lord Brackenshaw
your landlord you know Fanny Lady Brackenshaw will call upon you And I
have spoken for Gwendolen to be a member of our Archery Club the Brackenshaw
Archery Club the most select thing anywhere That is if she has no
objection« added Mr Gascoigne looking at Gwendolen with pleasant irony
»I should like it of all things« said Gwendolen »There is nothing I enjoy
more than taking aim and hitting« she ended with a pretty nod and smile
»Our Anna poor child is too shortsighted for archery But I consider
myself a firstrate shot and you shall practise with me I must make you an
accomplished archer before our great meeting in July In fact as to
neighbourhood you could hardly be better placed There are the Arrowpoints
they are some of our best people Miss Arrowpoint is a delightful girl she
has been presented at Court They have a magnificent place Quetcham Hall
worth seeing in point of art and their parties to which you are sure to be
invited are the best things of the sort we have The archdeacon is intimate
there and they have always a good kind of people staying in the house Mrs
Arrowpoint is peculiar certainly something of a caricature in fact but
wellmeaning And Miss Arrowpoint is as nice as possible It is not all young
ladies who have mothers as handsome and graceful as yours and Annas«
Mrs Davilow smiled faintly at this little compliment but the husband and
wife looked affectionately at each other and Gwendolen thought »My uncle and
aunt at least are happy they are not dull and dismal« Altogether she felt
satisfied with her prospects at Offendene as a great improvement on anything
she had known Even the cheap curates she incidentally learned were almost
always young men of family and Mr Middleton the actual curate was said to be
quite an acquisition it was only a pity he was so soon to leave
But there was one point which she was so anxious to gain that she could not
allow the evening to pass without taking her measures towards securing it Her
mamma she knew intended to submit entirely to her uncles judgment with regard
to expenditure and the submission was not merely prudential for Mrs Davilow
conscious that she had always been seen under a cloud as poor dear Fanny who
had made a sad blunder with her second marriage felt a hearty satisfaction in
being frankly and cordially identified with her sisters family and in having
her affairs canvassed and managed with an authority which presupposed a genuine
interest Thus the question of a suitable saddlehorse which had been
sufficiently discussed with mamma had to be referred to Mr Gascoigne and
after Gwendolen had played on the piano which had been provided from
Wanchester had sung to her hearers admiration and had induced her uncle to
join her in a duet what more softening influence than this on any uncle who
would have sung finely if his time had not been too much taken up by graver
matters she seized the opportune moment for saying »Mamma you have not
spoken to my uncle about my riding«
»Gwendolen desires above all things to have a horse to ride a pretty
light ladys horse« said Mrs Davilow looking at Mr Gascoigne »Do you think
we can manage it«
Mr Gascoigne projected his lower lip and lifted his handsome eyebrows
sarcastically at Gwendolen who had seated herself with much grace on the elbow
of her mammas chair
»We could lend her the pony sometimes« said Mrs Gascoigne watching her
husbands face and feeling quite ready to disapprove if he did
»That might be inconveniencing others aunt and would be no pleasure to me
I cannot endure ponies« said Gwendolen »I would rather give up some other
indulgence and have a horse« Was there ever a young lady or gentleman not
ready to give up an unspecified indulgence for the sake of the favourite one
specified
»She rides so well She has had lessons and the ridingmaster said she had
so good a seat and hand she might be trusted with any mount« said Mrs Davilow
who even if she had not wished her darling to have the horse would not have
dared to be lukewarm in trying to get it for her
»There is the price of the horse a good sixty with the best chance and
then his keep« said Mr Gascoigne in a tone which though demurring betrayed
the inward presence of something that favoured the demand »There are the
carriagehorses already a heavy item And remember what you ladies cost in
toilet now«
»I really wear nothing but two black dresses« said Mrs Davilow hastily
»And the younger girls of course require no toilet at present Besides
Gwendolen will save me so much by giving her sisters lessons« Here Mrs
Davilows delicate cheek showed a rapid blush »If it were not for that I must
really have a more expensive governess and masters besides«
Gwendolen felt some anger with her mamma but carefully concealed it
»That is good that is decidedly good« said Mr Gascoigne heartily
looking at his wife And Gwendolen who it must be owned was a deep young
lady suddenly moved away to the other end of the long drawingroom and busied
herself with arranging pieces of music
»The dear child has had no indulgences no pleasures« said Mrs Davilow in
a pleading undertone »I feel the expense is rather imprudent in this first year
of our settling But she really needs the exercise she needs cheering And if
you were to see her on horseback it is something splendid«
»It is what we could not afford for Anna« said Mrs Gascoigne »But she
dear child would ride Lottas donkey and think it good enough« Anna was
absorbed in a game with Isabel who had hunted out an old backgammonboard and
had begged to sit up an extra hour
»Certainly a fine woman never looks better than on porseback« said Mr
Gascoigne »And Gwendolen has the figure for it I dont say the thing should
not be considered«
»We might try it for a time at all events It can be given up if
necessary« said Mrs Davilow
»Well I will consult Lord Brackenshaws head groom He is my fidus Achates
in the horsey way«
»Thanks« said Mrs Davilow much relieved »You are very kind«
»That he always is« said Mrs Gascoigne And later that night when she and
her husband were in private she said
»I thought you were almost too indulgent about the horse for Gwendolen She
ought not to claim so much more than your own daughter would think of
Especially before we see how Fanny manages on her income And you really have
enough to do without taking all this trouble on yourself«
»My dear Nancy one must look at things from every point of view This girl
is really worth some expense you dont often see her equal She ought to make a
firstrate marriage and I should not be doing my duty if I spared my trouble in
helping her forward You know yourself she has been under a disadvantage with
such a fatherinlaw and a second family keeping her always in the shade I
feel for the girl And I should like your sister and her family now to have the
benefit of your having married rather a better specimen of our kind than she
did«
»Rather better I should think so However it is for me to be grateful that
you will take so much on your shoulders for the sake of my sister and her
children I am sure I would not grudge anything to poor Fanny But there is one
thing I have been thinking of though you have never mentioned it«
»What is that«
»The boys I hope they will not be falling in love with Gwendolen«
»Dont presuppose anything of the kind my dear and there will be no
danger Rex will never be at home for long together and Warham is going to
India It is the wiser plan to take it for granted that cousins will not fall in
love If you begin with precautions the affair will come in spite of them One
must not undertake to act for Providence in these matters which can no more be
held under the hand than a brood of chickens The boys will have nothing and
Gwendolen will have nothing They cant marry At the worst there would only be
a little crying and you cant save boys and girls from that«
Mrs Gascoignes mind was satisfied if anything did happen there was the
comfort of feeling that her husband would know what was to be done and would
have the energy to do it
Chapter IV
»Gorgibus Je te dis que le mariage est une chose sainte et
sacrée et que cest faire en honnêtes gens que de débuter par là
Madelon Mon Dieu que si tout le monde vous ressemblait un
roman serait bientôt fini La belle chose que ce serait si dabord
Cyrus épousait Mandane et quAronce de plainpied fût marié à
Clélie Laisseznous faire à loisir le tissu de notre roman et
nen pressez pas tant la conclusion«
Molière Les Précieuses Ridicules
It would be a little hard to blame the Rector of Pennicote that in the course of
looking at things from every point of view he looked at Gwendolen as a girl
likely to make a brilliant marriage Why should he be expected to differ from
his contemporaries in this matter and wish his niece a worse end of her
charming maidenhood than they would approve as the best possible It is rather
to be set down to his credit that his feelings on the subject were entirely
goodnatured And in considering the relation of means to ends it would have
been mere folly to have been guided by the exceptional and idyllic to have
recommended that Gwendolen should wear a gown as shabby as Griseldas in order
that a marquis might fall in love with her or to have insisted that since a
fair maiden was to be sought she should keep herself out of the way Mr
Gascoignes calculations were of the kind called rational and he did not even
think of getting a too frisky horse in order that Gwendolen might be threatened
with an accident and be rescued by a man of property He wished his niece well
and he meant her to be seen to advantage in the best society of the
neighbourhood
Her uncles intention fell in perfectly with Gwendolens own wishes But let
no one suppose that she also contemplated a brilliant marriage as the direct end
of her witching the world with her grace on horseback or with any other
accomplishment That she was to be married some time or other she would have
felt obliged to admit and that her marriage would not be of a middling kind
such as most girls were contented with she felt quietly unargumentatively
sure But her thoughts never dwelt on marriage as the fulfilment of her
ambition the dramas in which she imagined herself a heroine were not wrought up
to that close To be very much sued or hopelessly sighed for as a bride was
indeed an indispensable and agreeable guarantee of womanly power but to become
a wife and wear all the domestic fetters of that condition was on the whole a
vexatious necessity Her observation of matrimony had inclined her to think it
rather a dreary state in which a woman could not do what she liked had more
children than were desirable was consequently dull and became irrevocably
immersed in humdrum Of course marriage was social promotion she could not look
forward to a single life but promotions have sometimes to be taken with bitter
herbs a peerage will not quite do instead of leadership to the man who meant
to lead and this delicatelimbed sylph of twenty meant to lead For such
passions dwell in feminine breasts also In Gwendolens however they dwelt
among strictly feminine furniture and had no disturbing reference to the
advancement of learning or the balance of the constitution her knowledge being
such as with no sort of standingroom or length of lever could have been
expected to move the world She meant to do what was pleasant to herself in a
striking manner or rather whatever she could do so as to strike others with
admiration and get in that reflected way a more ardent sense of living seemed
pleasant to her fancy
»Gwendolen will not rest without having the world at her feet« said Miss
Merry the meek governess hyperbolical words which have long come to carry
the most moderate meanings for who has not heard of private persons having the
world at their feet in the shape of some halfdozen items of flattering regard
generally known in a genteel suburb And words could hardly be too wide or vague
to indicate the prospect that made a hazy largeness about poor Gwendolen on the
heights of her young selfexultation Other people allowed themselves to be made
slaves of and to have their lives blown hither and thither like empty ships in
which no will was present it was not to be so with her she would no longer be
sacrificed to creatures worth less than herself but would make the very best of
the chances that life offered her and conquer circumstance by her exceptional
cleverness Certainly to be settled at Offendene with the notice of Lady
Brackenshaw the archery club and invitations to dine with the Arrowpoints as
the highest lights in her scenery was not a position that seemed to offer
remarkable chances but Gwendolens confidence lay chiefly in herself She felt
well equipped for the mastery of life With regard to much in her lot hitherto
she held herself rather hardly dealt with but as to her »education« she would
have admitted that it had left her under no disadvantages In the schoolroom her
quick mind had taken readily that strong starch of unexplained rules and
disconnected facts which saves ignorance from any painful sense of limpness and
what remained of all things knowable she was conscious of being sufficiently
acquainted with through novels plays and poems About her French and music
the two justifying accomplishments of a young lady she felt no ground for
uneasiness and when to all these qualifications negative and positive we add
the spontaneous sense of capability some happy persons are born with so that
any subject they turn attention to impresses them with their own power of
forming a correct judgment on it who can wonder if Gwendolen felt ready to
manage her own destiny
There were many subjects in the world perhaps the majority in which she
felt no interest because they were stupid for subjects are apt to appear
stupid to the young as light seems dim to the old but she would not have felt
at all helpless in relation to them if they had turned up in conversation It
must be remembered that no one had disputed her power or her general
superiority As on the arrival at Offendene so always the first thought of
those about her had been what will Gwendolen think if the footman trod
heavily in creaking boots or if the laundresss work was unsatisfactory the
maid said »This will never do for Miss Harleth« if the wood smoked in the
bedroom fireplace Mrs Davilow whose own weak eyes suffered much from this
inconvenience spoke apologetically of it to Gwendolen If when they were under
the stress of travelling she did not appear at the breakfasttable till every
one else had finished the only question was how Gwendolens coffee and toast
should still be of the hottest and crispest and when she appeared with her
freshlybrushed lightbrown hair streaming backward and awaiting her mammas
hand to coil it up her long brown eyes glancing bright as a wavewashed onyx
from under their long lashes it was always she herself who had to be tolerant
to beg that Alice who sat waiting on her would not stick up her shoulders in
that frightful manner and that Isabel instead of pushing up to her and asking
questions would go away to Miss Merry
Always she was the princess in exile who in time of famine was to have her
breakfastroll made of the finestbolted flour from the seven thin ears of
wheat and in a general decampment was to have her silver fork kept out of the
baggage How was this to be accounted for The answer may seem to lie quite on
the surface in her beauty a certain unusualness about her a decision of
will which made itself felt in her graceful movements and clear unhesitating
tones so that if she came into the room on a rainy day when everybody else was
flaccid and the use of things in general was not apparent to them there seemed
to be a sudden sufficient reason for keeping up the forms of life and even the
waiters at hotels showed the more alacrity in doing away with crumbs and creases
and dregs with struggling flies in them This potent charm added to the fact
that she was the eldest daughter towards whom her mamma had always been in an
apologetic state of mind for the evils brought on her by a stepfather may seem
so full a reason for Gwendolens domestic empire that to look for any other
would be to ask the reason of daylight when the sun is shining But beware of
arriving at conclusions without comparison I remember having seen the same
assiduous apologetic attention awarded to persons who were not at all beautiful
or unusual whose firmness showed itself in no very graceful or euphonious way
and who were not eldest daughters with a tender timid mother compunctious at
having subjected them to inconveniences Some of them were a very common sort of
men And the only point of resemblance among them all was a strong determination
to have what was pleasant with a total fearlessness in making themselves
disagreeable or dangerous when they did not get it Who is so much cajoled and
served with trembling by the weak females of a household as the unscrupulous
male capable if he has not free way at home of going and doing worse
elsewhere Hence I am forced to doubt whether even without her potent charm and
peculiar filial position Gwendolen might not still have played the queen in
exile if only she had kept her inborn energy of egoistic desire and her power
of inspiring fear as to what she might say or do However she had the charm
and those who feared her were also fond of her the fear and the fondness being
perhaps both heightened by what may be called the iridescence of her character
the play of various nay contrary tendencies For Macbeths rhetoric about the
impossibility of being many opposite things in the same moment referred to the
clumsy necessities of action and not to the subtler possibilities of feeling We
cannot speak a loyal word and be meanly silent we cannot kill and not kill in
the same moment but a moment is room wide enough for the loyal and mean desire
for the outlash of a murderous thought and the sharp backward stroke of
repentance
Chapter V
»Her wit
Values itself so highly that to her
All matter else seems weak«
Much Ado about Nothing
Gwendolens reception in the neighbourhood fulfilled her uncles expectations
From Brackenshaw Castle to the Firs at Wanchester where Mr Quallon the banker
kept a generous house she was welcomed with manifest admiration and even those
ladies who did not quite like her felt a comfort in having a new striking girl
to invite for hostesses who entertain much must make up their parties as
ministers make up their cabinets on grounds other than personal liking Then
in order to have Gwendolen as a guest it was not necessary to ask any one who
was disagreeable for Mrs Davilow always made a quiet picturesque figure as a
chaperon and Mr Gascoigne was everywhere in request for his own sake
Among the houses where Gwendolen was not quite liked and yet invited was
Quetcham Hall One of her first invitations was to a large dinnerparty there
which made a sort of general introduction for her to the society of the
neighbourhood for in a select party of thirty and of wellcomposed proportions
as to age few visitable families could be entirely left out No youthful figure
there was comparable to Gwendolens as she passed through the long suite of
rooms adorned with light and flowers and visible at first as a slim figure
floating along in white drapery approached through one wide doorway after
another into fuller illumination and definiteness She had never had that sort
of promenade before and she felt exultingly that it befitted her any one
looking at her for the first time might have supposed that long galleries and
lackeys had always been a matter of course in her life while her cousin Anna
who was really more familiar with these things felt almost as much embarrassed
as a rabbit suddenly deposited in that welllit space
»Who is that with Gascoigne« said the archdeacon neglecting a discussion
of military manoeuvres on which as a clergyman he was naturally appealed to
And his son on the other side of the room a hopeful young scholar who had
already suggested some »not less elegant than ingenious« emendations of Greek
texts said nearly at the same time »By George who is that girl with the
awfully wellset head and jolly figure«
But to a mind of general benevolence wishing everybody to look well it was
rather exasperating to see how Gwendolen eclipsed others how even the handsome
Miss Lawe explained to be the daughter of Lady Lawe looked suddenly broad
heavy and inanimate and how Miss Arrowpoint unfortunately also dressed in
white immediately resembled a cartedevisite in which one would fancy the
skirt alone to have been charged for Since Miss Arrowpoint was generally liked
for the amiable unpretending way in which she wore her fortunes and made a
softening screen for the oddities of her mother there seemed to be some
unfitness in Gwendolens looking so much more like a person of social
importance
»She is not really so handsome if you come to examine her features« said
Mrs Arrowpoint later in the evening confidentially to Mrs Vulcany »It is a
certain style she has which produces a great effect at first but afterwards
she is less agreeable«
In fact Gwendolen not intending it but intending the contrary had
offended her hostess who though not a splenetic or vindictive woman had her
susceptibilities Several conditions had met in the Lady of Quetcham which to
the reasoners in that neighbourhood seemed to have an essential connection with
each other It was occasionally recalled that she had been the heiress of a
fortune gained by some moist or dry business in the city in order fully to
account for her having a squat figure a harsh parrotlike voice and a
systematically high headdress and since these points made her externally rather
ridiculous it appeared to many only natural that she should have what are
called literary tendencies A little comparison would have shown that all these
points are to be found apart daughters of aldermen being often wellgrown and
wellfeatured pretty women having sometimes harsh or husky voices and the
production of feeble literature being found compatible with the most diverse
forms of physique masculine as well as feminine
Gwendolen who had a keen sense of absurdity in others but was kindly
disposed towards any one who could make life agreeable to her meant to win Mrs
Arrowpoint by giving her an interest and attention beyond what others were
probably inclined to show But selfconfidence is apt to address itself to an
imaginary dulness in others as people who are well off speak in a cajoling tone
to the poor and those who are in the prime of life raise their voice and talk
artificially to seniors hastily conceiving them to be deaf and rather imbecile
Gwendolen with all her cleverness and purpose to be agreeable could not escape
that form of stupidity it followed in her mind unreflectingly that because
Mrs Arrowpoint was ridiculous she was also likely to be wanting in penetration
and she went through her little scenes without suspicion that the various shades
of her behaviour were all noted
»You are fond of books as well as of music riding and archery I hear«
Mrs Arrowpoint said going to her for a têteàtête in the drawingroom after
dinner »Catherine will be very glad to have so sympathetic a neighbour« This
little speech might have seemed the most graceful politeness spoken in a low
melodious tone but with a twang fatally loud it gave Gwendolen a sense of
exercising patronage when she answered gracefully
»It is I who am fortunate Miss Arrowpoint will teach me what good music is
I shall be entirely a learner I hear that she is a thorough musician«
»Catherine has certainly had every advantage We have a firstrate musician
in the house now Herr Klesmer perhaps you know all his compositions You must
allow me to introduce him to you You sing I believe Catherine plays three
instruments but she does not sing I hope you will let us hear you I
understand you are an accomplished singer«
»Oh no die Kraft ist schwach allein die Lust ist gross as
Mephistopheles says«
»Ah you are a student of Goethe Young ladies are so advanced now I
suppose you have read everything«
»No really I shall be so glad if you will tell me what to read I have
been looking into all the books in the library at Offendene but there is
nothing readable The leaves all stick together and smell musty I wish I could
write books to amuse myself as you can How delightful it must be to write
books after ones own taste instead of reading other peoples Homemade books
must be so nice«
For an instant Mrs Arrowpoints glance was a little sharper but the
perilous resemblance to satire in the last sentence took the hue of girlish
simplicity when Gwendolen added
»I would give anything to write a book«
»And why should you not« said Mrs Arrowpoint encouragingly »You have but
to begin as I did Pen ink and paper are at everybodys command But I will
send you all I have written with pleasure«
»Thanks I shall be so glad to read your writings Being acquainted with
authors must give a peculiar understanding of their books one would he able to
tell then which parts were funny and which serious I am sure I often laugh in
the wrong place« Here Gwendolen herself became aware of danger and added
quickly »In Shakespeare you know and other great writers that we can never
see But I always want to know more than there is in the books«
»If you are interested in any of my subjects I can lend you many extra
sheets in manuscript« said Mrs Arrowpoint while Gwendolen felt herself
painfully in the position of the young lady who professed to like potted sprats
»These are things I daresay I shall publish eventually several friends have
urged me to do so and one doesnt like to be obstinate My Tasso for example
I could have made it twice the size«
»I dote on Tasso« said Gwendolen
»Well you shall have all my papers if you like So many you know have
written about Tasso but they are all wrong As to the particular nature of his
madness and his feelings for Leonora and the real cause of his imprisonment
and the character of Leonora who in my opinion was a coldhearted woman else
she would have married him in spite of her brother they are all wrong I
differ from everybody«
»How very interesting« said Gwendolen »I like to differ from everybody I
think it is so stupid to agree That is the worst of writing your opinions you
make people agree with you«
This speech renewed a slight suspicion in Mrs Arrowpoint and again her
glance became for a moment examining But Gwendolen looked very innocent and
continued with a docile air
»I know nothing of Tasso except the Gerusalemme Liberata which we read and
learned by heart at school«
»Ah his life is more interesting than his poetry I have constructed the
early part of his life as a sort of romance When one thinks of his father
Bernardo and so on there is so much that must be true«
»Imagination is often truer than fact« said Gwendolen decisively though
she could no more have explained these glib words than if they had been Coptic
or Etruscan »I shall be so glad to learn all about Tasso and his madness
especially I suppose poets are always a little mad«
»To be sure the poets eye in a fine frenzy rolling and somebody says of
Marlowe
For that fine madness still he did maintain
Which always should possess the poets brain«
»But it was not always found out was it« said Gwendolen innocently »I
suppose some of them rolled their eyes in private Mad people are often very
cunning«
Again a shade flitted over Mrs Arrowpoints face but the entrance of the
gentlemen prevented any immediate mischief between her and this too quick young
lady who had overacted her naïveté
»Ah here comes Herr Klesmer« said Mrs Arrowpoint rising and presently
bringing him to Gwendolen she left them to a dialogue which was agreeable on
both sides Herr Klesmer being a felicitous combination of the German the
Sclave and the Semite with grand features brown hair floating in artistic
fashion and brown eyes in spectacles His English had little foreignness except
its fluency and his alarming cleverness was made less formidable just then by a
certain softening air of silliness which will sometimes befall even Genius in
the desire of being agreeable to Beauty
Music was soon begun Miss Arrowpoint and Herr Klesmer played a fourhanded
piece on two pianos which convinced the company in general that it was long and
Gwendolen in particular that the neutral placidfaced Miss Arrowpoint had a
mastery of the instrument which put her own execution out of the question
though she was not discouraged as to her oftenpraised touch and style After
this every one became anxious to hear Gwendolen sing especially Mr Arrowpoint
as was natural in a host and a perfect gentleman of whom no one had anything to
say but that he had married Miss Cuttler and imported the best cigars and he
led her to the piano with easy politeness Herr Klesmer closed the instrument in
readiness for her and smiled with pleasure at her approach then placed himself
at the distance of a few feet so that he could see her as she sang
Gwendolen was not nervous what she undertook to do she did without
trembling and singing was an enjoyment to her Her voice was a moderately
powerful soprano some one had told her it was like Jenny Linds her ear good
and she was able to keep in tune so that her singing gave pleasure to ordinary
hearers and she had been used to unmingled applause She had the rare advantage
of looking almost prettier when she was singing than at other times and that
Herr Klesmer was in front of her seemed not disagreeable Her song determined
on beforehand was a favourite aria of Bellinis in which she felt quite sure
of herself
»Charming« said Mr Arrowpoint who had remained near and the word was
echoed around without more insincerity than we recognise in a brotherly way as
human But Herr Klesmer stood like a statue if a statue can be imagined in
spectacles at least he was as mute as a statue Gwendolen was pressed to keep
her seat and double the general pleasure and she did not wish to refuse but
before resolving to do so she moved a little towards Herr Klesmer saying with
a look of smiling appeal »It would be too cruel to a great musician You cannot
like to hear poor amateur singing«
»No truly but that makes nothing« said Herr Klesmer suddenly speaking in
an odious German fashion with staccato endings quite unobservable in him
before and apparently depending on a change of mood as Irishmen resume their
strongest brogue when they are fervid or quarrelsome »That makes nothing It is
always acceptable to see you sing«
Was there ever so unexpected an assertion of superiority at least before
the late Teutonic conquest Gwendolen coloured deeply but with her usual
presence of mind did not show an ungraceful resentment by moving away
immediately and Miss Arrowpoint who had been near enough to overhear and also
to observe that Herr Klesmers mode of looking at Gwendolen was more
conspicuously admiring than was quite consistent with good taste now with the
utmost tact and kindness came close to her and said
»Imagine what I have to go through with this professor He can hardly
tolerate anything we English do in music We can only put up with his severity
and make use of it to find out the worst that can be said of us It is a little
comfort to know that and one can bear it when every one else is admiring«
»I should be very much obliged to him for telling me the worst« said
Gwendolen recovering herself »I daresay I have been extremely ill taught in
addition to having no talent only liking for music« This was very well
expressed considering that it had never entered her mind before
»Yes it is true you have not been well taught« said Herr Klesmer
quietly Woman was dear to him but music was dearer »Still you are not quite
without gifts You sing in tune and you have a pretty fair organ But you
produce your notes badly and that music which you sing is beneath you It is a
form of melody which expresses a puerile state of culture a dandling canting
seesaw kind of stuff the passion and thought of people without any breadth of
horizon There is a sort of selfsatisfied folly about every phrase of such
melody no cries of deep mysterious passion no conflict no sense of the
universal It makes men small as they listen to it Sing now something larger
And I shall see«
»Oh not now byandby« said Gwendolen with a sinking of heart at the
sudden width of horizon opened round her small musical performance For a young
lady desiring to lead this first encounter in her campaign was startling But
she was bent on not behaving foolishly and Miss Arrowpoint helped her by saying
»Yes byandby I always require half an hour to get up my courage after
being criticised by Herr Klesmer We will ask him to play to us now he is bound
to show us what is good music«
To be quite safe on this point Herr Klesmer played a composition of his own
a fantasia called Freudvoll Leidvoll Gedankenvoll an extensive commentary on
some melodic ideas not too grossly evident and he certainly fetched as much
variety and depth of passion out of the piano as that moderately responsive
instrument lends itself to having an imperious magic in his fingers that seemed
to send a nervethrill through ivory key and wooden hammer and compel the
strings to make a quivering lingering speech for him Gwendolen in spite of her
wounded egoism had fulness of nature enough to feel the power of this playing
and it gradually turned her inward sob of mortification into an excitement which
lifted her for the moment into a desperate indifference about her own doings or
at least a determination to get a superiority over them by laughing at them as
if they belonged to somebody else Her eyes had become brighter her cheeks
slightly flushed and her tongue ready for any mischievous remarks
»I wish you would sing to us again Miss Harleth« said young Clintock the
archdeacons classical son who had been so fortunate as to take her to dinner
and came up to renew conversation as soon as Herr Klesmers performance was
ended »That is the style of music for me I never can make anything of this
tiptop playing It is like a jar of leeches where you can never tell either
beginnings or endings I could listen to your singing all day«
»Yes we should be glad of something popular now another song from you
would be a relaxation« said Mrs Arrowpoint who had also come near with polite
intentions
»That must be because you are in a puerile state of culture and have no
breadth of horizon I have just learned that I have been taught how bad my
taste is and am feeling growing pains They are never pleasant« said
Gwendolen not taking any notice of Mrs Arrowpoint and looking up with a
bright smile at young Clintock
Mrs Arrowpoint was not insensible to this rudeness but merely said »Well
we will not press anything disagreeably« and as there was a perceptible outrush
of imprisoned conversation just then and a movement of guests seeking each
other she remained seated where she was and looked round her with the relief
of the hostess at finding she is not needed
»I am glad you like this neighbourhood« said young Clintock well pleased
with his station in front of Gwendolen
»Exceedingly There seems to be a little of everything and not much of
anything«
»That is rather equivocal praise«
»Not with me I like a little of everything a little absurdity for
example is very amusing I am thankful for a few queer people but much of them
is a bore«
Mrs Arrowpoint who was hearing this dialogue perceived quite a new tone
in Gwendolens speech and felt a revival of doubt as to her interest in Tassos
madness
»I think there should be more croquet for one thing« said young Clintock
»I am usually away but if I were more here I should go in for a croquet club
You are one of the archers I think But depend upon it croquet is the game of
the future It wants writing up though One of our best men has written a poem
on it in four cantos as good as Pope I want him to publish it You never
read anything better«
»I shall study croquet tomorrow I shall take to it instead of singing«
»No no not that but do take to croquet I will send you Jennings poem
if you like I have a manuscript copy«
»Is he a great friend of yours«
»Well rather«
»Oh if he is only rather I think I will decline Or if you send it me
will you promise not to catechise me upon it and ask me which part I like best
Because it is not so easy to know a poem without reading it as to know a sermon
without listening«
»Decidedly« Mrs Arrowpoint thought »this girl is double and satirical I
shall be on my guard against her«
But Gwendolen nevertheless continued to receive polite attentions from the
family at Quetcham not merely because invitations have larger grounds than
those of personal liking but because the trying little scene at the piano had
awakened a kindly solicitude towards her in the gentle mind of Miss Arrowpoint
who managed all the invitations and visits her mother being otherwise occupied
Chapter VI
»Croyez vous mavoir humiliée pour mavoir appris que la terre
tourne autour du soleil Je vous jure que je ne men estime pas
moins«
Fontenelle Pluralité des Mondes
That lofty criticism had caused Gwendolen a new sort of pain She would not have
chosen to confess how unfortunate she thought herself in not having had Miss
Arrowpoints musical advantages so as to be able to question Herr Klesmers
taste with the confidence of thorough knowledge still less to admit even to
herself that Miss Arrowpoint each time they met raised an unwonted feeling of
jealousy in her not in the least because she was an heiress but because it was
really provoking that a girl whose appearance you could not characterise except
by saying that her figure was slight and of middle stature her features small
her eyes tolerable and her complexion sallow had nevertheless a certain mental
superiority which could not be explained away an exasperating thoroughness in
her musical accomplishment a fastidious discrimination in her general tastes
which made it impossible to force her admiration and kept you in awe of her
standard This insignificantlooking young lady of fourandtwenty whom any
ones eyes would have passed over negligently if she had not been Miss
Arrowpoint might be suspected of a secret opinion that Miss Harleths
acquirements were rather of a common order and such an opinion was not made
agreeable to think of by being always veiled under a perfect kindness of manner
But Gwendolen did not like to dwell on facts which threw an unfavourable
light on herself The musical Magus who had so suddenly widened her horizon was
not always on the scene and his being constantly backwards and forwards between
London and Quetcham soon began to be thought of as offering opportunities for
converting him to a more admiring state of mind Meanwhile in the manifest
pleasure her singing gave at Brackenshaw Castle the Firs and elsewhere she
recovered her equanimity being disposed to think approval more trustworthy than
objection and not being one of the exceptional persons who have a parching
thirst for a perfection undemanded by their neighbours Perhaps it would have
been rash to say then that she was at all exceptional inwardly or that the
unusual in her was more than her rare grace of movement and bearing and a
certain daring which gave piquancy to a very common egoistic ambition such as
exists under many clumsy exteriors and is taken no notice of For I suppose that
the set of the head does not really determine the hunger of the inner self for
supremacy it only makes a difference sometimes as to the way in which the
supremacy is held attainable and a little also to the degree in which it can be
attained especially when the hungry one is a girl whose passion for doing what
is remarkable has an ideal limit in consistency with the highest breeding and
perfect freedom from the sordid need of income Gwendolen was as inwardly
rebellious against the restraints of family conditions and as ready to look
through obligations into her own fundamental want of feeling for them as if she
had been sustained by the boldest speculations but she really had no such
speculations and would at once have marked herself off from any sort of
theoretical or practically reforming women by satirising them She rejoiced to
feel herself exceptional but her horizon was that of the genteel romance where
the heroines soul poured out in her journal is full of vague power
originality and general rebellion while her life moves strictly in the sphere
of fashion and if she wanders into a swamp the pathos lies partly so to
speak in her having on her satin shoes Here is a restraint which nature and
society have provided on the pursuit of striking adventure so that a soul
burning with a sense of what the universe is not and ready to take all
existence as fuel is nevertheless held captive by the ordinary wirework of
social forms and does nothing particular
This commonplace result was what Gwendolen found herself threatened with
even in the novelty of the first winter at Offendene What she was clear upon
was that she did not wish to lead the same sort of life as ordinary young
ladies did but what she was not clear upon was how she should set about
leading any other and what were the particular acts which she would assert her
freedom by doing Offendene remained a good background if anything would happen
there but on the whole the neighbourhood was in fault
Beyond the effect of her beauty on a first presentation there was not much
excitement to be got out of her earliest invitations and she came home after
little sallies of satire and knowingness such as had offended Mrs Arrowpoint
to fill the intervening days with the most girlish devices The strongest
assertion she was able to make of her individual claims was to leave out Alices
lessons on the principle that Alice was more likely to excel in ignorance and
to employ her with Miss Merry and the maid who was understood to wait on all
the ladies in helping to arrange various dramatic costumes which Gwendolen
pleased herself with having in readiness for some future occasions of acting in
charades or theatrical pieces occasions which she meant to bring about by force
of will or contrivance She had never acted only made a figure in tableaux
vivans at school but she felt assured that she could act well and having been
once or twice to the Théâtre Français and also heard her mamma speak of Rachel
her waking dreams and cogitations as to how she would manage her destiny
sometimes turned on the question whether she would become an actress like
Rachel since she was more beautiful than that thin Jewess Meanwhile the wet
days before Christmas were passed pleasantly in the preparation of costumes
Greek Oriental and Composite in which Gwendolen attitudinised and speechified
before a domestic audience including even the housekeeper who was once pressed
into it that she might swell the notes of applause but having shown herself
unworthy by observing that Miss Harleth looked far more like a queen in her own
dress than in that baggy thing with her arms all bare she was not invited a
second time
»Do I look as well as Rachel mamma« said Gwendolen one day when she had
been showing herself in her Greek dress to Anna and going through scraps of
scenes with much tragic intention
»You have better arms than Rachel« said Mrs Davilow »your arms would do
for anything Gwen But your voice is not so tragic as hers it is not so deep«
»I can make it deeper if I like« said Gwendolen provisionally then she
added with decision »I think a higher voice is more tragic it is more
feminine and the more feminine a woman is the more tragic it seems when she
does desperate actions«
»There may be something in that« said Mrs Davilow languidly »But I dont
know what good there is in making ones blood creep And if there is anything
horrible to be done I should like it to be left to the men«
»Oh mamma you are so dreadfully prosaic As if all the great poetic
criminals were not women I think the men are poor cautious creatures«
»Well dear and you who are afraid to be alone in the night I dont
think you would be very bold in crime thank God«
»I am not talking about reality mamma« said Gwendolen impatiently Then
her mamma being called out of the room she turned quickly to her cousin as if
taking an opportunity and said »Anna do ask my uncle to let us get up some
charades at the Rectory Mr Middleton and Warham could act with us just for
practice Mamma says it will not do to have Mr Middleton consulting and
rehearsing here He is a stick but we could give him suitable parts Do ask or
else I will«
»Oh not till Rex comes He is so clever and such a dear old thing and he
will act Napoleon looking over the sea He looks just like Napoleon Rex can do
anything«
»I dont in the least believe in your Rex Anna« said Gwendolen laughing
at her »He will turn out to be like those wretched blue and yellow
watercolours of his which you hang up in your bedroom and worship«
»Very well you will see« said Anna »It is not that I know what is clever
but he has got a scholarship already and papa says he will get a fellowship
and nobody is better at games He is cleverer than Mr Middleton and everybody
but you calls Mr Middleton clever«
»So he may be in a darklantern sort of way But he is a stick If he had to
say Perdition catch my soul but I do love her he would say it in just the
same tone as Here endeth the second lesson«
»Oh Gwendolen« said Anna shocked at these promiscuous allusions »And it
is very unkind of you to speak so of him for he admires you very much I heard
Warham say one day to mamma Middleton is regularly spoony upon Gwendolen She
was very angry with him but I know what it means It is what they say at
college for being in love«
»How can I help it« said Gwendolen rather contemptuously »Perdition catch
my soul if I love him«
»No of course papa I think would not wish it And he is to go away soon
But it makes me sorry when you ridicule him«
»What shall you do to me when I ridicule Rex« said Gwendolen wickedly
»Now Gwendolen dear you will not« said Anna her eyes filling with
tears »I could not bear it But there really is nothing in him to ridicule
Only you may find out things For no one ever thought of laughing at Mr
Middleton before you Every one said he was nicelooking and his manners
perfect I am sure I have always been frightened at him because of his learning
and his squarecut coat and his being a nephew of the bishops and all that
But you will not ridicule Rex promise me« Anna ended with a beseeching look
which touched Gwendolen
»You are a dear little coz« she said just touching the tip of Annas chin
with her thumb and forefinger »I dont ever want to do anything that will vex
you Especially if Rex is to make everything come off charades and
everything«
And when at last Rex was there the animation he brought into the life at
Offendene and the Rectory and his ready partnership in Gwendolens plans left
her no inclination for any ridicule that was not of an open and flattering kind
such as he himself enjoyed He was a fine openhearted youth with a handsome
face strongly resembling his fathers and Annas but softer in expression than
the one and larger in scale than the other a bright healthy loving nature
enjoying ordinary innocent things so much that vice had no temptation for him
and what he knew of it lay too entirely in the outer courts and littlevisited
chambers of his mind for him to think of it with great repulsion Vicious habits
were with him »what some fellows did« »stupid stuff« which he liked to keep
aloof from He returned Annas affection as fully as could be expected of a
brother whose pleasures apart from her were more than the sum total of hers and
he had never known a stronger love
The cousins were continually together at the one house or the other
chiefly at Offendene where there was more freedom or rather where there was a
more complete sway for Gwendolen and whatever she wished became a ruling
purpose for Rex The charades came off according to her plans and also some
other little scenes not contemplated by her in which her acting was more
impromptu It was at Offendene that the charades and tableaux were rehearsed and
presented Mrs Davilow seeing no objection even to Mr Middletons being
invited to share in them now that Rex too was there especially as his
services were indispensable Warham who was studying for India with a
Wanchester »coach« having no time to spare and being generally dismal under a
cram of everything except the answers needed at the forthcoming Examination
which might disclose the welfare of our Indian Empire to be somehow connected
with a quotable knowledge of Brownes Pastorals
Mr Middleton was persuaded to play various grave parts Gwendolen having
flattered him on his enviable immobility of countenance and at first a little
pained and jealous at her comradeship with Rex he presently drew encouragement
from the thought that this sort of cousinly familiarity excluded any serious
passion Indeed he occasionally felt that her more formal treatment of himself
was such a sign of favour as to warrant his making advances before he left
Pennicote though he had intended to keep his feelings in reserve until his
position should be more assured Miss Gwendolen quite aware that she was adored
by this unexceptionable young clergyman with pale whiskers and squarecut
collar felt nothing more on the subject than that she had no objection to be
adored she turned her eyes on him with calm mercilessness and caused him many
mildly agitating hopes by seeming always to avoid dramatic contact with him
for all meanings we know depend on the key of interpretation
Some persons might have thought beforehand that a young man of Anglican
leanings having a sense of sacredness much exercised on small things as well as
great rarely laughing save from politeness and in general regarding the
mention of spades by their naked names as rather coarse would not have seen a
fitting bride for himself in a girl who was daring in ridicule and showed none
of the special grace required in the clergymans wife or that a young man
informed by theological reading would have reflected that he was not likely to
meet the taste of a lively restless young lady like Miss Harleth But are we
always obliged to explain why the facts are not what some persons thought
beforehand The apology lies on their side who had that erroneous way of
thinking
As for Rex who would possibly have been sorry for poor Middleton if he had
been aware of the excellent curates inward conflict he was too completely
absorbed in a first passion to have observation for any person or thing He did
not observe Gwendolen he only felt what she said or did and the back of his
head seemed to be a good organ of information as to whether she was in the room
or out Before the end of the first fortnight he was so deeply in love that it
was impossible for him to think of his life except as bound up with Gwendolens
He could see no obstacles poor boy his own love seemed a guarantee of hers
since it was one with the unperturbed delight in her image so that he could no
more dream of her giving him pain than an Egyptian could dream of snow She sang
and played to him whenever he liked was always glad of his companionship in
riding though his borrowed steeds were often comic was ready to join in any
fun of his and showed a right appreciation of Anna No mark of sympathy seemed
absent That because Gwendolen was the most perfect creature in the world she
was to make a grand match had not occurred to him He had no conceit at
least not more than goes to make up the necessary gum and consistence of a
substantial personality it was only that in the young bliss of loving he took
Gwendolens perfection as part of that good which had seemed one with life to
him being the outcome of a happy wellembodied nature
One incident which happened in the course of their dramatic attempts
impressed Rex as a sign of her unusual sensibility It showed an aspect of her
nature which could not have been preconceived by any one who like him had only
seen her habitual fearlessness in active exercises and her high spirits in
society
After a good deal of rehearsing it was resolved that a select party should
be invited to Offendene to witness the performances which went with so much
satisfaction to the actors Anna had caused a pleasant surprise nothing could
be neater than the way in which she played her little parts one would even have
suspected her of hiding much sly observation under her simplicity And Mr
Middleton answered very well by not trying to be comic The main source of doubt
and retardation had been Gwendolens desire to appear in her Greek dress No
word for a charade would occur to her either waking or dreaming that suited her
purpose of getting a statuesque pose in this favourite costume To choose a
motive from Racine was of no use I since Rex and the others could not declaim
French verse and improvised speeches would turn the scene into burlesque
Besides Mr Gascoigne prohibited the acting of scenes from plays he usually
protested against the notion that an amusement which was fitting for every one
else was unfitting for a clergyman but he would not in this matter overstep the
line of decorum as drawn in that part of Wessex which did not exclude his
sanction of the young peoples acting charades in his sisterinlaws house a
very different affair from private theatricals in the full sense of the word
Everybody of course was concerned to satisfy this wish of Gwendolens and
Rex proposed that they should wind up with a tableau in which the effect of her
majesty would not be marred by any ones speech This pleased her thoroughly
and the only question was the choice of the tableau
»Something pleasant children I beseech you« said Mrs Davilow »I cant
have any Greek wickedness«
»It is no worse than Christian wickedness mamma« said Gwendolen whose
mention of Rachelesque heroines had called forth that remark
»And less scandalous« said Rex »Besides one thinks of it as all gone by
and done with What do you say to Briseis being led away I would be Achilles
and you would be looking round at me after the print we have at the Rectory«
»That would be a good attitude for me« said Gwendolen in a tone of
acceptance But afterwards she said with decision »No It will not do There
must be three men in proper costume else it will be ridiculous«
»I have it« said Rex after a little reflection »Hermione as the statue in
the Winters Tale I will be Leontes and Miss Merry Paulina one on each side
Our dress wont signify« he went on laughingly »it will be more Shakespearian
and romantic if Leontes looks like Napoleon and Paulina like a modern
spinster«
And Hermione was chosen all agreeing that age was of no consequence but
Gwendolen urged that instead of the mere tableau there should be just enough
acting of the scene to introduce the striking up of the music as a signal for
her to step down and advance when Leontes instead of embracing her was to
kneel and kiss the hem of her garment and so the curtain was to fall The
antechamber with folding doors lent itself admirably to the purposes of a stage
and the whole of the establishment with the addition of Jarrett the village
carpenter was absorbed in the preparations for an entertainment which
considering that it was an imitation of acting was likely to be successful
since we know from ancient fable that an imitation may have more chance of
success than the original
Gwendolen was not without a special exultation in the prospect of this
occasion for she knew that Herr Klesmer was again at Quetcham and she had
taken care to include him among the invited
Klesmer came He was in one of his placid silent moods and sat in serene
contemplation replying to all appeals in benignantsounding syllables more or
less articulate as taking up his cross meekly in a world overgrown with
amateurs or as careful how he moved his lion paws lest he should crush a
rampant and vociferous mouse
Everything indeed went off smoothly and according to expectation all that
was improvised and accidental being of a probable sort until the incident
occurred which showed Gwendolen in an unforeseen phase of emotion How it came
about was at first a mystery
The tableau of Hermione was doubly striking from its dissimilarity with what
had gone before it was answering perfectly and a murmur of applause had been
gradually suppressed while Leontes gave his permission that Paulina should
exercise her utmost art and make the statue move
Hermione her arm resting on a pillar was elevated by about six inches
which she counted on as a means of showing her pretty foot and instep when at
the given signal she should advance and descend
»Music awake her strike« said Paulina Mrs Davilow who by special
entreaty had consented to take the part in a white burnous and hood
Herr Klesmer who had been goodnatured enough to seat himself at the piano
struck a thunderous chord but in the same instant and before Hermione had put
forth her foot the movable panel which was on a line with the piano flew open
on the right opposite the stage and disclosed the picture of the dead face and
the fleeing figure brought out in pale definiteness by the position of the
waxlights Every one was startled but all eyes in the act of turning towards
the opened panel were recalled by a piercing cry from Gwendolen who stood
without change of attitude but with a change of expression that was terrifying
in its terror She looked like a statue into which a soul of Fear had entered
her pallid lips were parted her eyes usually narrowed under their long lashes
were dilated and fixed Her mother less surprised than alarmed rushed towards
her and Rex too could not help going to her side But the touch of her mothers
arm had the effect of an electric charge Gwendolen fell on her knees and put
her hands before her face She was still trembling but mute and it seemed that
she had selfconsciousness enough to aim at controlling her signs of terror for
she presently allowed herself to be raised from her kneeling posture and led
away while the company were relieving their minds by explanation
»A magnificent bit of plastik that« said Klesmer to Miss Arrowpoint And a
quick fire of undertoned question and answer went round
»Was it part of the play«
»Oh no surely not Miss Harleth was too much affected A sensitive
creature«
»Dear me I was not aware that there was a painting behind that panel were
you«
»No how should I Some eccentricity in one of the Earls family long ago I
suppose«
»How very painful Pray shut it up«
»Was the door locked It is very mysterious It must be the spirits«
»But there is no medium present«
»How do you know that We must conclude that there is when such things
happen«
»Oh the door was not locked it was probably the sudden vibration from the
piano that sent it open«
This conclusion came from Mr Gascoigne who begged Miss Merry if possible
to get the key But this readiness to explain the mystery was thought by Mrs
Vulcany unbecoming in a clergyman and she observed in an undertone that Mr
Gascoigne was always a little too worldly for her taste However the key was
produced and the rector turned it in the lock with an emphasis rather
offensively rationalising as who should say »It will not start open again«
putting the key in his pocket as a security
However Gwendolen soon reappeared showing her usual spirits and evidently
determined to ignore as far as she could the striking change she had made in the
part of Hermione
But when Klesmer said to her »We have to thank you for devising a perfect
climax you could not have chosen a finer bit of plastik« there was a flush of
pleasure in her face She liked to accept as a belief what was really no more
than delicate feigning He divined that the betrayal into a passion of fear had
been mortifying to her and wished her to understand that he took it for good
acting Gwendolen cherished the idea that now he was struck with her talent as
well as her beauty and her uneasiness about his opinion was half turned to
complacency
But too many were in the secret of what had been included in the rehearsals
and what had not and no one besides Klesmer took the trouble to soothe
Gwendolens imagined mortification The general sentiment was that the incident
should be let drop
There had really been a medium concerned in the starting open of the panel
one who had quitted the room in haste and crept to bed in much alarm of
conscience It was the small Isabel whose intense curiosity unsatisfied by the
brief glimpse she had had of the strange picture on the day of arrival at
Offendene had kept her on the watch for an opportunity of finding out where
Gwendolen had put the key of stealing it from the discovered drawer when the
rest of the family were out and getting on a stool to unlock the panel While
she was indulging her thirst for knowledge in this way a noise which she feared
was an approaching footstep alarmed her she closed the door and attempted
hurriedly to look it but failing and not daring to linger she withdrew the key
and trusted that the panel would stick as it seemed well inclined to do In
this confidence she had returned the key to its former place stilling any
anxiety by the thought that if the door were discovered to be unlocked nobody
could know how the unlocking came about The inconvenient Isabel like other
offenders did not foresee her own impulse to confession a fatality which came
upon her the morning after the party when Gwendolen said at the
breakfasttable »I know the door was looked before the housekeeper gave me the
key for I tried it myself afterwards Some one must have been to my drawer and
taken the key«
It seemed to Isabel that Gwendolens awful eyes had rested on her more than
on the other sisters and without any time for resolve she said with a trembling
lip »Please forgive me Gwendolen«
The forgiveness was sooner bestowed than it would have been if Gwendolen had
not desired to dismiss from her own and every one elses memory any case in
which she had shown her susceptibility to terror She wondered at herself in
these occasional experiences which seemed like a brief remembered madness an
unexplained exception from her normal life and in this instance she felt a
peculiar vexation that her helpless fear had shown itself not as usual in
solitude but in welllit company Her ideal was to be daring in speech and
reckless in braving dangers both moral and physical and though her practice
fell far behind her ideal this shortcoming seemed to be due to the pettiness of
circumstances the narrow theatre which life offers to a girl of twenty who
cannot conceive herself as anything else than a lady or as in any position
which would lack the tribute of respect She had no permanent consciousness of
other fetters or of more spiritual restraints having always disliked whatever
was presented to her under the name of religion in the same way that some
people dislike arithmetic and accounts it had raised no other emotion in her
no alarm no longing so that the question whether she believed it had not
occurred to her any more than it had occurred to her to inquire into the
conditions of colonial property and banking on which as she had had many
opportunities of knowing the family fortune was dependent All these facts
about herself she would have been ready to admit and even more or less
indirectly to state What she unwillingly recognised and would have been glad
for others to be unaware of was that liability of hers to fits of spiritual
dread though this fountain of awe within her had not found its way into
connection with the religion taught her or with any human relations She was
ashamed and frightened as at what might happen again in remembering her tremor
on suddenly feeling herself alone when for example she was walking without
companionship and there came some rapid change in the light Solitude in any
wide scene impressed her with an undefined feeling of immeasurable existence
aloof from her in the midst of which she was helplessly incapable of asserting
herself The little astronomy taught her at school used sometimes to set her
imagination at work in a way that made her tremble but always when some one
joined her she recovered her indifference to the vastness in which she seemed an
exile she found again her usual world in which her will was of some avail and
the religious nomenclature belonging to this world was no more identified for
her with those uneasy impressions of awe than her uncles surplices seen out of
use at the Rectory With human ears and eyes about her she had always hitherto
recovered her confidence and felt the possibility of winning empire
To her mamma and others her fits of timidity or terror were sufficiently
accounted for by her »sensitiveness« or the »excitability of her nature« but
these explanatory phrases required conciliation with much that seemed to be
blank indifference or rare selfmastery Heat is a great agent and a useful
word but considered as a means of explaining the universe it requires an
extensive knowledge of differences and as a means of explaining character
»sensitiveness« is in much the same predicament But who loving a creature like
Gwendolen would not be inclined to regard every peculiarity in her as a mark of
pre That was what Rex did After the Hermione scene he was more persuaded than
ever that she must be instinct with all feeling and not only readier to respond
to a worshipful love but able to love better than other girls Rex felt the
summer on his young wings and soared happily
Chapter VII
»Perigot
As the bonny lasse passed bye
Willie Hey ho bonnilasse
P She roode at me with glauncing eye
W As clear as the crystall glasse
P All as the sunny beame so bright
W Hey ho the sunnebeame
P Glaunceth from Phoebus face forthright
W So love into thy heart did streame«
Spenser Shepheards Calendar
»The kindliest symptom yet the most alarming crisis in the ticklish
state of youth the nourisher and destroyer of hopeful wits the
servitude above freedom the gentle minds religion the liberal
superstition«
Charles Lamb
The first sign of the unimagined snowstorm was like the transparent white cloud
that seems to set off the blue Anna was in the secret of Rexs feeling though
for the first time in their lives he had said nothing to her about what he most
thought of and he only took it for granted that she knew it For the first
time too Anna could not say to Rex what was continually in her mind Perhaps
it might have been a pain which she would have had to conceal that he should so
soon care for some one else more than for herself if such a feeling had not
been thoroughly neutralised by doubt and anxiety on his behalf Anna admired her
cousin would have said with simple sincerity »Gwendolen is always very good
to me« and held it in the order of things for herself to be entirely subject to
this cousin but she looked at her with mingled fear and distrust with a
puzzled contemplation as of some wondrous and beautiful animal whose nature was
a mystery and who for anything Anna knew might have an appetite for devouring
all the small creatures that were her own particular pets And now Annas heart
was sinking under the heavy conviction which she dared not utter that Gwendolen
would never care for Rex What she herself held in tenderness and reverence had
constantly seemed indifferent to Gwendolen and it was easier to imagine her
scorning Rex than returning any tenderness of his Besides she was always
thinking of being something extraordinary And poor Rex Papa would be angry
with him if he knew And of course he was too young to be in love in that way
and she Anna had thought that it would be years and years before anything of
that sort came and that she would be Rexs housekeeper ever so long But what a
heart must that be which did not return his love Anna in the prospect of his
suffering was beginning to dislike her too fascinating cousin
It seemed to her as it did to Rex that the weeks had been filled with a
tumultuous life evident to all observers if he had been questioned on the
subject he would have said that he had no wish to conceal what he hoped would be
an engagement which he should immediately tell his father of and yet for the
first time in his life he was reserved not only about his feelings but which
was more remarkable to Anna about certain actions She on her side was
nervous each time her father or mother began to speak to her in private lest
they should say anything about Rex and Gwendolen But the elders were not in the
least alive to this agitating drama which went forward chiefly in a sort of
pantomime extremely lucid in the minds thus expressing themselves but easily
missed by spectators who were running their eyes over the Guardian or the
Clerical Gazette and regarded the trivialities of the young ones with scarcely
more interpretation than they gave to the actions of lively ants
»Where are you going Rex« said Anna one grey morning when her father had
set off in the carriage to the sessions Mrs Gascoigne with him and she had
observed that her brother had on his antigropelos the utmost approach he
possessed to a hunting equipment
»Going to see the hounds throw off at the Three Barns«
»Are you going to take Gwendolen« said Anna timidly
»She told you did she«
»No but I thought Does papa know you are going«
»Not that I am aware of I dont suppose he would trouble himself about the
matter«
»You are going to use his horse«
»He knows I do that whenever I can«
»Dont let Gwendolen ride after the hounds Rex« said Anna whose fears
gifted her with secondsight
»Why not« said Rex smiling rather provokingly
»Papa and mamma and aunt Davilow all wish her not to They think it is not
right for her«
»Why should you suppose she is going to do what is not right«
»Gwendolen minds nobody sometimes« said Anna getting bolder by dint of a
little anger
»Then she would not mind me« said Rex perversely making a joke of poor
Annas anxiety
»Oh Rex I cannot bear it You will make yourself very unhappy« Here Anna
burst into tears
»Nannie Nannie what on earth is the matter with you« said Rex a little
impatient at being kept in this way hat on and whip in hand
»She will not care for you one bit I know she never will« said the poor
child in a sobbing whisper She had lost all control of herself
Rex reddened and hurried away from her out of the hall door leaving her to
the miserable consciousness of having made herself disagreeable in vain
He did think of her words as he rode along they had the unwelcomeness which
all unfavourable fortunetelling has even when laughed at but he quickly
explained them as springing from little Annas tenderness and began to be sorry
that he was obliged to come away without soothing her Every other feeling on
the subject however was quickly merged in a resistant belief to the contrary
of hers accompanied with a new determination to prove that he was right This
sort of certainty had just enough kinship to doubt and uneasiness to hurry on a
confession which an untouched security might have delayed
Gwendolen was already mounted and riding up and down the avenue when Rex
appeared at the gate She had provided herself against disappointment in case he
did not appear in time by having the groom ready behind her for she would not
have waited beyond a reasonable time But now the groom was dismissed and the
two rode away in delightful freedom Gwendolen was in her highest spirits and
Rex thought that she had never looked so lovely before her figure her long
white throat and the curves of her cheek and chin were always set off to
perfection by the compact simplicity of her riding dress He could not conceive
a more perfect girl and to a youthful lover like Rex it seems that the
fundamental identity of the good the true and the beautiful is already extant
and manifest in the object of his love Most observers would have held it more
than equally accountable that a girl should have like impressions about Rex for
in his handsome face there was nothing corresponding to the undefinable stinging
quality as it were a trace of demon ancestry which made some beholders
hesitate in their admiration of Gwendolen
It was an exquisite January morning in which there was no threat of rain
but a grey sky making the calmest background for the charms of a mild winter
scene the grassy borders of the lanes the hedgerows sprinkled with red
berries and haunted with low twitterings the purple bareness of the elms the
rich brown of the furrows The horses hoofs made a musical chime accompanying
their young voices She was laughing at his equipment for he was the reverse of
a dandy and he was enjoying her laughter the freshness of the morning mingled
with the freshness of their youth and every sound that came from their clear
throats every glance they gave each other was the bubbling outflow from a
spring of joy It was all morning to them within and without And thinking of
them in these moments one is tempted to that futile sort of wishing if only
things could have been a little otherwise then so as to have been greatly
otherwise after if only these two beautiful young creatures could have
pledged themselves to each other then and there and never through life have
swerved from that pledge For some of the goodness which Rex believed in was
there Goodness is a large often a prospective word like harvest which at one
stage when we talk of it lies all underground with an indeterminate future is
the germ prospering in the darkness at another it has put forth delicate green
blades and byandby the trembling blossoms are ready to be dashed off by an
hour of rough wind or rain Each stage has its peculiar blight and may have the
healthy life choked out of it by a particular action of the foul land which
rears or neighbours it or by damage brought from foulness afar
»Anna had got it into her head that you would want to ride after the hounds
this morning« said Rex whose secret associations with Annas words made this
speech seem quite perilously near the most momentous of subjects
»Did she« said Gwendolen laughingly »What a little clairvoyante she is«
»Shall you« said Rex who had not believed in her intending to do it if the
elders objected but confided in her having good reasons
»I dont know I cant tell what I shall do till I get there Clairvoyantes
are often wrong they foresee what is likely I am not fond of what is likely
it is always dull I do what is unlikely«
»Ah there you tell me a secret When once I knew what people in general
would be likely to do I should know you would do the opposite So you would
have come round to a likelihood of your own sort I shall be able to calculate
on you You couldnt surprise me«
»Yes I could I should turn round and do what was likely for people in
general« said Gwendolen with a musical laugh
»You see you cant escape some sort of likelihood And contradictoriness
makes the strongest likelihood of all You must give up a plan«
»No I shall not My plan is to do what pleases me« Here should any young
lady incline to imitate Gwendolen let her consider the set of her head and
neck if the angle there had been different the chin protrusive and the
cervical vertebræ a trifle more curved in their position ten to one Gwendolens
words would have had a jar in them for the sweetnatured Rex But everything odd
in her speech was humour and pretty banter which he was only anxious to turn
towards one point
»Can you manage to feel only what pleases you« said he
»Of course not that comes from what other people do But if the world were
pleasanter one would only feel what was pleasant Girls lives are so stupid
they never do what they like«
»I thought that was more the case of the men They are forced to do hard
things and are often dreadfully bored and knocked to pieces too And then if
we love a girl very dearly we want to do as she likes so after all you have
your own way«
»I dont believe it I never saw a married woman who had her own way«
»What should you like to do« said Rex quite guilelessly and in real
anxiety
»Oh I dont know go to the North Pole or ride steeplechases or go to
be a queen in the East like Lady Hester Stanhope« said Gwendolen flightily
Her words were born on her lips but she would have been at a loss to give an
answer of deeper origin
»You dont mean you would never be married«
»No I didnt say that Only when I married I should not do as other women
do«
»You might do just as you liked if you married a man who loved you more
dearly than anything else in the world« said Rex who poor youth was moving
in themes outside the curriculum in which he had promised to win distinction »I
know one who does«
»Dont talk of Mr Middleton for heavens sake« said Gwendolen hastily a
quick blush spreading over her face and neck »that is Annas chant I hear the
hounds Let us go on«
She put her chestnut to a canter and Rex had no choice but to follow her
Still he felt encouraged Gwendolen was perfectly aware that her cousin was in
love with her but she had no idea that the matter was of any consequence
having never had the slightest visitation of painful love herself She wished
the small romance of Rexs devotion to fill up the time of his stay at
Pennicote and to avoid explanations which would bring it to an untimely end
Besides she objected with a sort of physical repulsion to being directly made
love to With all her imaginative delight in being adored there was a certain
fierceness of maidenhood in her
But all other thoughts were soon lost for her in the excitement of the scene
at the Three Barns Several gentlemen of the hunt knew her and she exchanged
pleasant greetings Rex could not get another word with her The colour the
stir of the field had taken possession of Gwendolen with a strength which was
not due to habitual association for she had never yet ridden after the hounds
only said she should like to do it and so drawn forth a prohibition her mamma
dreading the danger and her uncle declaring that for his part he held that kind
of violent exercise unseemly in a woman and that whatever might be done in
other parts of the country no lady of good position followed the Wessex hunt
no one but Mrs Gadsby the yeomanry captains wife who had been a kitchenmaid
and still spoke like one This last argument had some effect on Gwendolen and
had kept her halting between her desire to assert her freedom and her horror of
being classed with Mrs Gadsby
Some of the most unexceptionable women in the neighbourhood occasionally
went to see the hounds throw off but it happened that none of them were present
this morning to abstain from following while Mrs Gadsby with her doubtful
antecedents grammatical and otherwise was not visible to make following seem
unbecoming Thus Gwendolen felt no check on the animal stimulus that came from
the stir and tongue of the hounds the pawing of the horses the varying voices
of men the movement hither and thither of vivid colour on the background of
green and grey stillness that utmost excitement of the coming chase which
consists in feeling something like a combination of dog and horse with the
superadded thrill of social vanities and consciousness of centaurpower which
belong to humankind
Rex would have felt more of the same enjoyment if he could have kept nearer
to Gwendolen and not seen her constantly occupied with acquaintances or looked
at by wouldbe acquaintances all on lively horses which veered about and swept
the surrounding space as effectually as a revolving lever
»Glad to see you here this fine morning Miss Harleth« said Lord
Brackenshaw a middleaged peer of aristocratic seediness in stained pink with
easygoing manners which would have made the threatened Deluge seem of no
consequence »We shall have a firstrate run A pity you dont go with us Have
you ever tried your little chestnut at a ditch you wouldnt be afraid eh«
»Not the least in the world« said Gwendolen And this was true she was
never fearful in action and companionship »I have often taken him at some rails
and a ditch too near «
»Ah by Jove« said his lordship quietly in notation that something was
happening which must break off the dialogue and as he reined off his horse Rex
was bringing his sober hackney up to Gwendolens side when the hounds gave
tongue and the whole field was in motion as if the whirl of the earth were
carrying it Gwendolen along with everything else no word of notice to Rex who
without a second thought followed too Could he let Gwendolen go alone under
other circumstances he would have enjoyed the run but he was just now perturbed
by the check which had been put on the impetus to utter his love and get
utterance in return an impetus which could not at once resolve itself into a
totally different sort of chase at least with the consciousness of being on his
fathers grey nag a good horse enough in his way but of sober years and
ecclesiastical habits Gwendolen on her spirited little chestnut was up with the
best and felt as secure as an immortal goddess having if she had thought of
risk a core of confidence that no ill luck would happen to her But she thought
of no such thing and certainly not of any risk there might be for her cousin
If she had thought of him it would have struck her as a droll picture that he
should be gradually falling behind and looking round in search of gates a fine
lithe youth whose heart must be panting with all the Spirit of a beagle stuck
as if under a wizards spell on a stiff clerical hackney would have made her
laugh with a sense of fun much too strong for her to reflect on his
mortification But Gwendolen was apt to think rather of those who saw her than
of those whom she could not see and Rex was soon so far behind that if she had
looked she would not have seen him For I grieve to say that in the search for a
gate along a lane lately mended Primrose fell broke his knees and
undesignedly threw Rex over his head
Fortunately a blacksmiths son who also followed the hounds under
disadvantages namely on foot a loose way of hunting which had struck some
even frivolous minds as immoral was naturally also in the rear and happened
to be within sight of Rexs misfortune He ran to give help which was greatly
needed for Rex was a good deal stunned and the complete recovery of sensation
came in the form of pain Joel Dagge on this occasion showed himself that most
useful of personages whose knowledge is of a kind suited to the immediate
occasion he not only knew perfectly well what was the matter with the horse
how far they were both from the nearest publichouse and from Pennicote Rectory
and could certify to Rex that his shoulder was only a bit out of joint but also
offered experienced surgical aid
»Lord sir let me shove it in again for you Is see Nash the bonesetter
do it and done it myself for our little Sally twice over Its all one and the
same shoulders is If youll trusten to me and tighten your mind up a bit Ill
do it for you in no time«
»Come then old fellow« said Rex who could tighten his mind better than
his seat in the saddle And Joel managed the operation though not without
considerable expense of pain to his patient who turned so pitiably pale while
tightening his mind that Joel remarked »Ah sir you arent used to it thats
how it is Is see lots and lots o joints out I see a man with his eye pushed
out once that was a rum go as ever I see You cant have a bit o fun wiout
such a sort o things But it went in again Is swallowed three teeth mysen as
sure as Im alive Now sirrey« this was addressed to Primrose »come alonk
you mustnt make believe as you cant«
Joel being clearly a low character it is happily not necessary to say more
of him to the refined reader than that he helped Rex to get home with as little
delay as possible There was no alternative but to get home though all the
while he was in anxiety about Gwendolen and more miserable in the thought that
she too might have had an accident than in the pain of his own bruises and the
annoyance he was about to cause his father He comforted himself about her by
reflecting that every one would be anxious to take care of her and that some
acquaintance would be sure to conduct her home
Mr Gascoigne was already at home and was writing letters in his study
when he was interrupted by seeing poor Rex come in with a face which was not the
less handsome and ingratiating for being pale and a little distressed He was
secretly the favourite son and a young portrait of the father who however
never treated him with any partiality rather with an extra rigour Mr
Gascoigne having inquired of Anna knew that Rex had gone with Gwendolen to the
meet at the Three Barns
»Whats the matter« he said hastily not laying down his pen
»Im very sorry sir Primrose has fallen down and broken his knees«
»Where have you been with him« said Mr Gascoigne with a touch of
severity He rarely gave way to temper
»To the Three Barns to see the hounds throw off«
»And you were fool enough to follow«
»Yes sir I didnt go at any fences but the horse got his leg into a
hole«
»And you got hurt yourself I hope eh«
»I got my shoulder put out but a young blacksmith put it in again for me
Im just a little battered thats all«
»Well sit down«
»Im very sorry about the horse sir I knew it would be a vexation to you«
»And what has become of Gwendolen« said Mr Gascoigne abruptly Rex who
did not imagine that his father had made any inquiries about him answered at
first with a blush which was the more remarkable for his previous paleness Then
he said nervously
»I am anxious to know I should like to go or send at once to Offendene
but she rides so well and I think she would keep up there would most likely
be many round her«
»I suppose it was she who led you on eh« said Mr Gascoigne laying down
his pen leaning back in his chair and looking at Rex with more marked
examination
»It was natural for her to want to go she didnt intend it beforehand she
was led away by the spirit of the thing And of course I went when she went«
Mr Gascoigne left a brief interval of silence and then said with quiet
irony »But now you observe young gentleman that you are not furnished with a
horse which will enable you to play the squire to your cousin You must give up
that amusement You have spoiled my nag for me and that is enough mischief for
one vacation I shall beg you to get ready to start for Southampton tomorrow
and join Stilfox till you go up to Oxford with him That will be good for your
bruises as well as your studies«
Poor Rex felt his heart swelling and comporting itself as if it had been no
better than a girls
»I hope you will not insist on my going immediately sir«
»Do you feel too ill«
»No not that but « here Rex bit his lips and felt the tears starting
to his great vexation then he rallied and tried to say more firmly »I want to
go to Offendene but I can go this evening«
»I am going there myself I can bring word about Gwendolen if that is what
you want«
Rex broke down He thought he discerned an intention fatal to his happiness
nay his life He was accustomed to believe in his fathers penetration and to
expect firmness »Father I cant go away without telling her that I love her
and knowing that she loves me«
Mr Gascoigne was inwardly going through some selfrebuke for not being more
wary and was now really sorry for the lad but every consideration was
subordinate to that of using the wisest tactics in the case He had quickly made
up his mind and could answer the more quietly
»My dear boy you are too young to be taking momentous decisive steps of
that sort This is a fancy which you have got into your head during an idle week
or two you must set to work at something and dismiss it There is every reason
against it An engagement at your age would be totally rash and unjustifiable
and moreover alliances between first cousins are undesirable Make up your mind
to a brief disappointment Life is full of them We have all got to be broken
in and this is a mild beginning for you«
»No not mild I cant bear it I shall be good for nothing I shouldnt
mind anything if it were settled between us I could do anything then« said
Rex impetuously »But its of no use to pretend that I will obey you I cant
do it If I said I would I should be sure to break my word I should see
Gwendolen again«
»Well wait till tomorrow morning that we may talk of the matter again
you will promise me that« said Mr Gascoigne quietly and Rex did not could
not refuse
The Rector did not even tell his wife that he had any other reason for going
to Offendene that evening than his desire to ascertain that Gwendolen had got
home safely He found her more than safe elated Mr Quallon who had won the
brush had delivered the trophy to her and she had brought it before her
fastened on the saddle more than that Lord Brackenshaw had conducted her home
and had shown himself delighted with her spirited riding All this was told at
once to her uncle that he might see how well justified she had been in acting
against his advice and the prudential Rector did feel himself in a slight
difficulty for at that moment he was particularly sensible that it was his
nieces serious interest to be well regarded by the Brackenshaws and their
opinion as to her following the hounds really touched the essence of his
objection However he was not obliged to say anything immediately for Mrs
Davilow followed up Gwendolens brief triumphant phrases with
»Still I do hope you will not do it again Gwendolen I should never have a
moments quiet Her father died by an accident you know«
Here Mrs Davilow had turned away from Gwendolen and looked at Mr
Gascoigne
»Mamma dear« said Gwendolen kissing her merrily and passing over the
question of the fears which Mrs Davilow had meant to account for »children
dont take after their parents in broken legs«
Not one word had yet been said about Rex In fact there had been no anxiety
about him at Offendene Gwendolen had observed to her mamma »Oh he must have
been left far behind and gone home in despair« and it could not be denied that
this was fortunate so far as it made way for Lord Brackenshaws bringing her
home But now Mr Gascoigne said with some emphasis looking at Gwendolen
»Well the exploit has ended better for you than for Rex«
»Yes I daresay he had to make a terrible round You have not taught
Primrose to take the fences uncle« said Gwendolen without the faintest shade
of alarm in her looks and tone
»Rex has had a fall« said Mr Gascoigne curtly throwing himself into an
armchair resting his elbows and fitting his palms and fingers together while
he closed his lips and looked at Gwendolen who said
»Oh poor fellow he is not hurt I hope« with a correct look of anxiety
such as elated mortals try to superinduce when their pulses are all the while
quick with triumph and Mrs Davilow in the same moment uttered a low »Good
heavens There«
Mr Gascoigne went on »He put his shoulder out and got some bruises I
believe« Here he made another little pause of observation but Gwendolen
instead of any such symptoms as pallor and silence had only deepened the
compassionateness of her brow and eyes and said again »Oh poor fellow it is
nothing serious then« and Mr Gascoigne held his diagnosis complete But he
wished to make assurance doubly sure and went on still with a purpose
»He got his arm set again rather oddly Some blacksmith not a parishioner
of mine was on the field a loose fish I suppose but handy and set the arm
for him immediately So after all I believe I and Primrose come off worst The
horses knees are cut to pieces He came down in a hole it seems and pitched
Rex over his head«
Gwendolens face had allowably become contented again since Rexs arm had
been reset and now at the descriptive suggestions in the latter part of her
uncles speech her elated spirits made her features less manageable than usual
the smiles broke forth and finally a descending scale of laughter
»You are a pretty young lady to laugh at other peoples calamities« said
Mr Gascoigne with a milder sense of disapprobation than if he had not had
counteracting reasons to be glad that Gwendolen showed no deep feeling on the
occasion
»Pray forgive me uncle Now Rex is safe it is so droll to fancy the figure
he and Primrose would cut in a lane all by themselves only a blacksmith
running up It would make a capital caricature of Following the hounds«
Gwendolen rather valued herself on her superior freedom in laughing where
others might only see matter for seriousness Indeed the laughter became her
person so well that her opinion of its gracefulness was often shared by others
and it even entered into her uncles course of thought at this moment that it
was no wonder a boy should be fascinated by this young witch who however was
more mischievous than could be desired
»How can you laugh at broken bones child« said Mrs Davilow still under
her dominant anxiety »I wish we had never allowed you to have the horse You
will see that we were wrong« she added looking with a grave nod at Mr
Gascoigne »at least I was to encourage her in asking for it«
»Yes seriously Gwendolen« said Mr Gascoigne in a judicious tone of
rational advice to a person understood to be altogether rational »I strongly
recommend you I shall ask you to oblige me so far not to repeat your
adventure of today Lord Brackenshaw is very kind but I feel sure that he
would concur with me in what I say To be spoken of as the young lady who hunts
by way of exception would give a tone to the language about you which I am sure
you would not like Depend upon it his lordship would not choose that Lady
Beatrice or Lady Maria should hunt in this part of the country if they were old
enough to do so When you are married it will be different you may do whatever
your husband sanctions But if you intend to hunt you must marry a man who can
keep horses«
»I dont know why I should do anything so horrible as to marry without that
prospect at least« said Gwendolen pettishly Her uncles speech had given her
annoyance which she could not show more directly but she felt that she was
committing herself and after moving carelessly to another part of the room
went out
»She always speaks in that way about marriage« said Mrs Davilow »but it
will be different when she has seen the right person«
»Her heart has never been in the least touched that you know of« said Mr
Gascoigne
Mrs Davilow shook her head silently »It was only last night she said to
me Mamma I wonder how girls manage to fall in love It is easy to make them do
it in books But men are too ridiculous«
Mr Gascoigne laughed a little and made no further remark on the subject
The next morning at breakfast he said
»How are your bruises Rex«
»Oh not very mellow yet sir only beginning to turn a little«
»You dont feel quite ready for a journey to Southampton«
»Not quite« answered Rex with his heart metaphorically in his mouth
»Well you can wait till tomorrow and go to say goodbye to them at
Offendene«
Mrs Gascoigne who now knew the whole affair looked steadily at her coffee
lest she also should begin to cry as Anna was doing already
Mr Gascoigne felt that he was applying a sharp remedy to poor Rexs acute
attack but he believed it to be in the end the kindest To let him know the
hopelessness of his love from Gwendolens own lips might be curative in more
ways than one
»I can only be thankful that she doesnt care about him« said Mrs
Gascoigne when she joined her husband in his study »There are things in
Gwendolen I cannot reconcile myself to My Anna is worth two of her with all
her beauty and talent It looks so very ill in her that she will not help in the
schools with Anna not even in the Sundayschool What you or I advise is of no
consequence to her and poor Fanny is completely under her thumb But I know you
think better of her« Mrs Gascoigne ended with a deferential hesitation
»Oh my dear there is no harm in the girl It is only that she has a high
spirit and it will not do to hold the reins too tight The point is to get her
well married She has a little too much fire in her for her present life with
her mother and sisters It is natural and right that she should be married soon
not to a poor man but one who can give her a fitting position«
Presently Rex with his arm in a sling was on his two miles walk to
Offendene He was rather puzzled by the unconditional permission to see
Gwendolen but his fathers real ground of action could not enter into his
conjectures If it had he would first have thought it horribly coldblooded
and then have disbelieved in his fathers conclusions
When he got to the house everybody was there but Gwendolen The four girls
hearing him speak in the hall rushed out of the library which was their
schoolroom and hung round him with compassionate inquiries about his arm Mrs
Davilow wanted to know exactly what had happened and where the blacksmith
lived that she might make him a present while Miss Merry who took a subdued
and melancholy part in all family affairs doubted whether it would not be
giving too much encouragement to that kind of character Rex had never found the
family troublesome before but just now he wished them all away and Gwendolen
there and he was too uneasy for goodnatured feigning When at last he had
said »Where is Gwendolen« and Mrs Davilow had told Alice to go and see if her
sister were come down adding »I sent up her breakfast this morning She needed
a long rest« Rex took the shortest way out of his endurance by saying almost
impatiently »Aunt I want to speak to Gwendolen I want to see her alone«
»Very well dear go into the drawingroom I will send her there« said
Mrs Davilow who had observed that he was fond of being with Gwendolen as was
natural but had not thought of this as having any bearing on the realities of
life it seemed merely part of the Christmas holidays which were spinning
themselves out
Rex for his part felt that the realities of life were all hanging on this
interview He had to walk up and down the drawingroom in expectation for nearly
ten minutes ample space for all imaginative fluctuations yet strange to say
he was unvaryingly occupied in thinking what and how much he could do when
Gwendolen had accepted him to satisfy his father that the engagement was the
most prudent thing in the world since it inspired him with double energy for
work He was to be a lawyer and what reason was there why he should not rise as
high as Eldon did He was forced to look at life in the light of his fathers
mind
But when the door opened and she whose presence he was longing for entered
there came over him suddenly and mysteriously a state of tremor and distrust
which he had never felt before Miss Gwendolen simple as she stood there in
her black silk cut square about the round white pillar of her throat a black
band fastening her hair which streamed backwards in smooth silky abundance
seemed more queenly than usual Perhaps it was that there was none of the latent
fun and tricksiness which had always pierced in her greeting of Rex How much of
this was due to her presentiment from what he had said yesterday that he was
going to talk of love How much from her desire to show regret about his
accident Something of both But the wisdom of ages has hinted that there is a
side of the bed which has a malign influence if you happen to get out on it and
this accident befalls some charming persons rather frequently Perhaps it had
befallen Gwendolen this morning The hastening of her toilet the way in which
Bugle used the brush the quality of the shilling serial mistakenly written for
her amusement the probabilities of the coming day and in short social
institutions generally were all objectionable to her It was not that she was
out of temper but that the world was not equal to the demands of her fine
organism
However it might be Rex saw an awful majesty about her as she entered and
put out her hand to him without the least approach to a smile in eyes or mouth
The fun which had moved her in the evening had quite evaporated from the image
of his accident and the whole affair seemed stupid to her But she said with
perfect propriety »I hope you are not much hurt Rex I deserve that you should
reproach me for your accident«
»Not at all« said Rex feeling the soul within him spreading itself like an
attack of illness »There is hardly anything the matter with me I am so glad
you had the pleasure I would willingly pay for it by a tumble only I was sorry
to break the horses knees«
Gwendolen walked to the hearth and stood looking at the fire in the most
inconvenient way for conversation so that he could only get a side view of her
face
»My father wants me to go to Southampton for the rest of the vacation« said
Rex his barytone trembling a little
»Southampton Thats a stupid place to go to isnt it« said Gwendolen
chilly
»It would be to me because you would not be there«
Silence
»Should you mind about my going away Gwendolen«
»Of course Every one is of consequence in this dreary country« said
Gwendolen curtly The perception that poor Rex wanted to be tender made her
curl up and harden like a seaanemone at the touch of a finger
»Are you angry with me Gwendolen Why do you treat me in this way all at
once« said Rex flushing and with more spirit in his voice as if he too were
capable of being angry
Gwendolen looked round at him and smiled »Treat you Nonsense I am only
rather cross Why did you come so very early You must expect to find tempers in
dishabille«
»Be as cross with me as you like only dont treat me with indifference«
said Rex imploringly »All the happiness of my life depends on your loving me
if only a little better than any one else«
He tried to take her hand but she hastily eluded his grasp and moved to the
other end of the hearth facing him
»Pray dont make love to me I hate it« She looked at him fiercely
Rex turned pale and was silent but could not take his eyes off her and the
impetus was not yet exhausted that made hers dart death at him Gwendolen
herself could not have foreseen that she should feel in this way It was all a
sudden new experience to her The day before she had been quite aware that her
cousin was in love with her she did not mind how much so that he said nothing
about it and if any one had asked her why she objected to lovemaking speeches
she would have said laughingly »Oh I am tired of them all in the books« But
now the life of passion had begun negatively in her She felt passionately
averse to this volunteered love
To Rex at twenty the joy of life seemed at an end more absolutely than it
can do to a man at forty But before they had ceased to look at each other he
did speak again
»Is that the last word you have to say to me Gwendolen Will it always be
so«
She could not help seeing his wretchedness and feeling a little regret for
the old Rex who had not offended her Decisively but yet with some return of
kindliness she said
»About making love Yes But I dont dislike you for anything else«
There was just a perceptible pause before he said a low »goodbye« and
passed out of the room Almost immediately after she heard the heavy halldoor
bang behind him
Mrs Davilow too had heard Rexs hasty departure and presently came into
the drawingroom where she found Gwendolen seated on the low couch her face
buried and her hair falling over her figure like a garment She was sobbing
bitterly »My child my child what is it« cried the mother who had never
before seen her darling struck down in this way and felt something of the
alarmed anguish that women feel at the sight of overpowering sorrow in a strong
man for this child had been her ruler Sitting down by her with circling arms
she pressed her cheek against Gwendolens head and then tried to draw it
upward Gwendolen gave way and letting her head rest against her mother cried
out sobbingly »Oh mamma what can become of my life there is nothing worth
living for«
»Why dear« said Mrs Davilow Usually she herself had been rebuked by her
daughter for involuntary signs of despair
»I shall never love anybody I cant love people I hate them«
»The time will come dear the time will come«
Gwendolen was more and more convulsed with sobbing but putting her arms
round her mothers neck with an almost painful clinging she said brokenly »I
cant bear any one to be very near me but you«
Then the mother began to sob for this spoiled child had never shown such
dependence on her before and so they clung to each other
Chapter VIII
What name doth Joy most borrow
When life is fair
»Tomorrow«
What name doth best fit Sorrow
In young despair
»Tomorrow«
There was a much more lasting trouble at the Rectory Rex arrived there only to
throw himself on his bed in a state of apparent apathy unbroken till the next
day when it began to be interrupted by more positive signs of illness Nothing
could be said about his going to Southampton instead of that the chief thought
of his mother and Anna was how to tend this patient who did not want to be well
and from being the brightest most grateful spirit in the household was
metamorphosed into an irresponsive dulleyed creature who met all affectionate
attempts with a murmur of »Let me alone« His father looked beyond the crisis
and believed it to be the shortest way out of an unlucky affair but he was
sorry for the inevitable suffering and went now and then to sit by him in
silence for a few minutes parting with a gentle pressure of his hand on Rexs
blank brow and a »God bless you my boy« Warham and the younger children used
to peep round the edge of the door to see this incredible thing of their lively
brother being laid low but fingers were immediately shaken at them to drive
them back The guardian who was always there was Anna and her little hand was
allowed to rest within her brothers though he never gave it a welcoming
pressure Her soul was divided between anguish for Rex and reproach of
Gwendolen
»Perhaps it is wicked of me but I think I never can love her again« came
as the recurrent burthen of poor little Annas inward monody And even Mrs
Gascoigne had an angry feeling towards her niece which she could not refrain
from expressing apologetically to her husband
»I know of course it is better and we ought to be thankful that she is not
in love with the poor boy but really Henry I think she is hard she has the
heart of a coquette I cannot help thinking that she must have made him believe
something or the disappointment would not have taken hold of him in that way
And some blame attaches to poor Fanny she is quite blind about that girl«
Mr Gascoigne answered imperatively »The less said on that point the
better Nancy I ought to have been more awake myself As to the boy be
thankful if nothing worse ever happens to him Let the thing die out as quickly
as possible and especially with regard to Gwendolen let it be as if it had
never been«
The Rectors dominant feeling was that there had been a great escape
Gwendolen in love with Rex in return would have made a much harder problem the
solution of which might have been taken out of his hands But he had to go
through some further difficulty
One fine morning Rex asked for his bath and made his toilet as usual Anna
full of excitement at this change could do nothing but listen for his coming
down and at last hearing his step ran to the foot of the stairs to meet him
For the first time he gave her a faint smile but it looked so melancholy on his
pale face that she could hardly help crying
»Nannie« he said gently taking her hand and leading her slowly along with
him to the drawingroom His mother was there and when she came to kiss him he
said »What a plague I am«
Then he sat still and looked out of the bowwindow on the lawn and shrubs
covered with hoarfrost across which the sun was sending faint occasional
gleams something like that sad smile on Rexs face Anna thought He felt as
if he had had a resurrection into a new world and did not know what to do with
himself there the old interests being left behind Anna sat near him
pretending to work but really watching him with yearning looks Beyond the
garden hedge there was a road where waggons and carts sometimes went on
fieldwork a railed opening was made in the hedge because the upland with its
bordering wood and clump of ashtrees against the sky was a pretty sight
Presently there came along a waggon laden with timber the horses were straining
their grand muscles and the driver having cracked his whip ran along anxiously
to guide the leaders head fearing a swerve Rex seemed to be shaken into
attention rose and looked till the last quivering trunk of the timber had
disappeared and then walked once or twice along the room Mrs Gascoigne was no
longer there and when he came to sit down again Anna seeing a return of
speech in her brothers eyes could not resist the impulse to bring a little
stool and seat herself against his knee looking up at him with an expression
which seemed to say »Do speak to me« And he spoke
»Ill tell you what Im thinking of Nannie I will go to Canada or
somewhere of that sort« Rex had not studied the character of our colonial
possessions
»Oh Rex not for always«
»Yes to get my bread there I should like to build a hut and work hard at
clearing and have everything wild about me and a great wide quiet«
»And not take me with you« said Anna the big tears coming fast
»How could I«
»I should like it better than anything and settlers go with their families
I would sooner go there than stay here in England I could make the fires and
mend the clothes and cook the food and I could learn how to make the bread
before we went It would be nicer than anything like playing at life over
again as we used to do when we made our tent with the drugget and had our
little plates and dishes«
»Father and mother would not let you go«
»Yes I think they would when I explained everything It would save money
and papa would have more to bring up the boys with«
There was further talk of the same practical kind at intervals and it ended
in Rexs being obliged to consent that Anna should go with him when he spoke to
his father on the subject
Of course it was when the Rector was alone in his study Their mother would
become reconciled to whatever he decided on but mentioned to her first the
question would have distressed her
»Well my children« said Mr Gascoigne cheerfully as they entered It was
a comfort to see Rex about again
»May we sit down with you a little papa« said Anna »Rex has something to
say«
»With all my heart«
It was a noticeable group that these three creatures made each of them with
a face of the same structural type the straight brow the nose suddenly
straightened from an intention of being aquiline the short upper lip the short
but strong and wellhung chin there was even the same tone of complexion and
set of the eye The greyhaired father was at once massive and keenlooking
there was a perpendicular line in his brow which when he spoke with any force of
interest deepened and the habit of ruling gave him an air of reserved
authoritativeness Rex would have seemed a vision of the fathers youth if it
had been possible to imagine Mr Gascoigne without distinct plans and without
command smitten with a heart sorrow and having no more notion of concealment
than a sick animal and Anna was a tiny copy of Rex with hair drawn back and
knotted her face following his in its changes of expression as if they had one
soul between them
»You know all about what has upset me father« Rex began and Mr Gascoigne
nodded
»I am quite done up for life in this part of the world I am sure it will be
no use my going back to Oxford I couldnt do any reading I should fail and
cause you expense for nothing I want to have your consent to take another
course sir«
Mr Gascoigne nodded more slowly the perpendicular line on his brow
deepened and Annas trembling increased
»If you would allow me a small outfit I should like to go to the colonies
and work on the land there« Rex thought the vagueness of the phrase prudential
»the colonies« necessarily embracing more advantages and being less capable of
being rebutted on a single ground than any particular settlement
»Oh and with me papa« said Anna not bearing to be left out from the
proposal even temporarily »Rex would want some one to take care of him you
know some one to keep house And we shall never either of us be married And
I should cost nothing and I should be so happy I know it would be hard to
leave you and mamma but there are all the others to bring up and we two should
be no trouble to you any more«
Anna had risen from her seat and used the feminine argument of going closer
to her papa as she spoke He did not smile but he drew her on his knee and held
her there as if to put her gently out of the question while he spoke to Rex
»You will admit that my experience gives me some power of judging for you
and that I can probably guide you in practical matters better than you can guide
yourself«
Rex was obliged to say »Yes sir«
»And perhaps you will admit though I dont wish to press that point that
you are bound in duty to consider my judgment and wishes«
»I have never yet placed myself in opposition to you sir« Rex in his
secret soul could not feel that he was bound not to go to the colonies but to
go to Oxford again which was the point in question
»But you will do so if you persist in setting your mind towards a rash and
foolish procedure and deafening yourself to considerations which my experience
of life assures me of You think I suppose that you have had a shock which has
changed all your inclinations stupefied your brains unfitted you for anything
but manual labour and given you a dislike to society Is that what you
believe«
»Something like that I shall never be up to the sort of work I must do to
live in this part of the world I have not the spirit for it I shall never be
the same again And without any disrespect to you father I think a young
fellow should be allowed to choose his way of life if he does nobody any harm
There are plenty to stay at home and those who like might be allowed to go
where there are empty places«
»But suppose I am convinced on good evidence as I am that this state of
mind of yours is transient and that if you went off as you propose you would
byandby repent and feel that you had let yourself slip back from the point
you have been gaining by your education till now Have you not strength of mind
enough to see that you had better act on my assurance for a time and test it
In my opinion so far from agreeing with you that you should be free to turn
yourself into a colonist and work in your shirtsleeves with spade and hatchet
in my opinion you have no right whatever to expatriate yourself until you have
honestly endeavoured to turn to account the education you have received here I
say nothing of the grief to your mother and me«
»Im very sorry but what can I do I cant study thats certain« said
Rex
»Not just now perhaps You will have to miss a term I have made
arrangements for you how you are to spend the next two months But I confess I
am disappointed in you Rex I thought you had more sense than to take up such
ideas to suppose that because you have fallen into a very common trouble such
as most men have to go through you are loosened from all bonds of duty just
as if your brain had softened and you were no longer a responsible being«
What could Rex say Inwardly he was in a state of rebellion but he had no
arguments to meet his fathers and while he was feeling in spite of anything
that might he said that he should like to go off to »the colonies« tomorrow
it lay in a deep fold of his consciousness that he ought to feel if he had
been a better fellow he would have felt more about his old ties This is the
sort of faith we live by in our soulsicknesses
Rex got up from his seat as if he held the conference to be at an end »You
assent to my arrangement then« said Mr Gascoigne with that distinct
resolution of tone which seems to hold one in a vice
There was a little pause before Rex answered »Ill try what I can do sir
I cant promise« His thought was that trying would be of no use
Her father kept Anna holding her fast though she wanted to follow Rex »Oh
papa« she said the tears coming with her words when the door had closed »it
is very hard for him Doesnt he look ill«
»Yes but he will soon be better it will all blow over And now Anna be
as quiet as a mouse about it all Never let it be mentioned when he is gone«
»No papa But I would not be like Gwendolen for anything to have people
fall in love with me so It is very dreadful«
Anna dared not say that she was disappointed at not being allowed to go to
the colonies with Rex but that was her secret feeling and she often afterwards
went inwardly over the whole affair saying to herself »I should have done with
going out and gloves and crinoline and having to talk when I am taken to
dinner and all that«
I like to mark the time and connect the course of individual lives with the
historic stream for all classes of thinkers This was the period when the
broadening of gauge in crinolines seemed to demand an agitation for the general
enlargement of churches ballrooms and vehicles But Anna Gascoignes figure
would only allow the size of skirt manufactured for young ladies of fourteen
Chapter IX
Ill tell thee Berthold what mens hopes are like
A silly child that quivering with joy
Would cast its little mimic fishingline
Baited with loadstone for a bowl of toys
In the salt ocean
Eight months after the arrival of the family at Offendene that is to say in the
end of the following June a rumour was spread in the neighbourhood which to
many persons was matter of exciting interest It had no reference to the results
of the American war but it was one which touched all classes within a certain
circuit round Wanchester the cornfactors the brewers the horsedealers and
saddlers all held it a laudable thing and one which was to be rejoiced in on
abstract grounds as showing the value of an aristocracy in a free country like
England the blacksmith in the hamlet of Diplow felt that a good time had come
round the wives of labouring men hoped their nimble boys of ten or twelve would
be taken into employ by the gentlemen in livery and the farmers about Diplow
admitted with a tincture of bitterness and reserve that a man might now again
perhaps have an easier market or exchange for a rick of old hay or a waggonload
of straw If such were the hopes of low persons not in society it may be easily
inferred that their betters had better reasons for satisfaction probably
connected with the pleasures of life rather than its business Marriage
however must be considered as coming under both heads and just as when a visit
of majesty is announced the dream of knighthood or a baronetcy is to be found
under various municipal nightcaps so the news in question raised a floating
indeterminate vision of marriage in several wellbred imaginations
The news was that Diplow Hall Sir Hugo Mallingers place which had for a
couple of years turned its white windowshutters in a painfully walleyed manner
on its fine elms and beeches its lilied pool and grassy acres specked with
deer was being prepared for a tenant and was for the rest of the summer and
through the hunting season to be inhabited in a fitting style both as to house
and stable But not by Sir Hugo himself by his nephew Mr Mallinger Grandcourt
who was presumptive heir to the baronetcy his uncles marriage having produced
nothing but girls Nor was this the only contingency with which fortune
flattered young Grandcourt as he was pleasantly called for while the chance of
the baronetcy came through his father his mother had given a baronial streak to
his blood so that if certain intervening persons slightly painted in the middle
distance died he would become a baron and peer of this realm
It is the uneven allotment of nature that the male bird alone has the tuft
but we have not yet followed the advice of hasty philosophers who would have us
copy nature entirely in these matters and if Mr Mallinger Grandcourt became a
baronet or a peer his wife would share the title which in addition to his
actual fortune was certainly a reason why that wife being at present unchosen
should be thought of by more than one person with sympathetic interest as a
woman sure to be well provided for
Some readers of this history will doubtless regard it as incredible that
people should construct matrimonial prospects on the mere report that a bachelor
of good fortune and possibilities was coming within reach and will reject the
statement as a mere outflow of gall they will aver that neither they nor their
first cousins have minds so unbridled and that in fact this is not human
nature which would know that such speculations might turn out to be fallacious
and would therefore not entertain them But let it be observed nothing is here
narrated of human nature generally the history in its present stage concerns
only a few people in a corner of Wessex whose reputation however was
unimpeached and who I am in the proud position of being able to state were
all on visiting terms with persons of rank
There were the Arrowpoints for example in their beautiful place at
Quetcham no one could attribute sordid views in relation to their daughters
marriage to parents who could leave her at least half a million but having
affectionate anxieties about their Catherines position she having resolutely
refused Lord Slogan an unexceptionable Irish peer whose estate wanted nothing
but drainage and population they wondered perhaps from something more than a
charitable impulse whether Mr Grandcourt was goodlooking of sound
constitution virtuous or at least reformed and if liberalconservative not
too liberalconservative and without wishing anybody to die thought his
succession to the title an event to be desired
If the Arrowpoints had such ruminations it is the less surprising that they
were stimulated in Mr Gascoigne who for being a clergyman was not the less
subject to the anxieties of a parent and guardian and we have seen how both he
and Mrs Gascoigne might by this time have come to feel that he was overcharged
with the management of young creatures who were hardly to be held in with bit or
bridle or any sort of metaphor that would stand for judicious advice
Naturally people did not tell each other all they felt and thought about
young Grandcourts advent on no subject is this openness found prudentially
practicable not even on the generation of acids or the destination of the
fixed stars for either your contemporary with a mind turned towards the same
subjects may find your ideas ingenious and forestall you in applying them or he
may have other views on acids and fixed stars and think ill of you in
consequence Mr Gascoigne did not ask Mr Arrowpoint if he had any trustworthy
source of information about Grandcourt considered as a husband for a charming
girl nor did Mrs Arrowpoint observe to Mrs Davilow that if the possible peer
sought a wife in the neighbourhood of Diplow the only reasonable expectation
was that he would offer his hand to Catherine who however would not accept
him unless he were in all respects fitted to secure her happiness Indeed even
to his wife the Rector was silent as to the contemplation of any matrimonial
result from the probability that Mr Grandcourt would see Gwendolen at the next
Archery Meeting though Mrs Gascoignes mind was very likely still more active
in the same direction She had said interjectionally to her sister »It would be
a mercy Fanny if that girl were well married« to which Mrs Davilow
discerning some criticism of her darling in the fervour of that wish had not
chosen to make any audible reply though she had said inwardly »You will not
get her to marry for your pleasure« the mild mother becoming rather saucy when
she identified herself with her daughter
To her husband Mrs Gascoigne said »I hear Mr Grandcourt has two places of
his own but he comes to Diplow for the hunting It is to be hoped he will set a
good example in the neighbourhood Have you heard what sort of young man he is
Henry«
Mr Gascoigne had not heard at least if his male acquaintances had
gossiped in his hearing he was not disposed to repeat their gossip or give it
any emphasis in his own mind He held it futile even if it had been becoming
to show any curiosity as to the past of a young man whose birth wealth and
consequent leisure made many habits venial which under other circumstances would
have been inexcusable Whatever Grandcourt had done he had not ruined himself
and it is well known that in gambling for example whether of the business or
holiday sort a man who has the strength of mind to leave off when he has only
ruined others is a reformed character This is an illustration merely Mr
Gascoigne had not heard that Grandcourt had been a gambler and we can hardly
pronounce him singular in feeling that a landed proprietor with a mixture of
noble blood in his veins was not to be an object of suspicious inquiry like a
reformed character who offers himself as your butler or footman Reformation
where a man can afford to do without it can hardly be other than genuine
Moreover it was not certain on any showing hitherto that Mr Grandcourt had
needed reformation more than other young men in the ripe youth of
fiveandthirty and at any rate the significance of what he had been must be
determined by what he actually was
Mrs Davilow too although she would not respond to her sisters pregnant
remark could not be inwardly indifferent to an event that might promise a
brilliant lot for Gwendolen A little speculation on »what may be« comes
naturally without encouragement comes inevitably in the form of images when
unknown persons are mentioned and Mr Grandcourts name raised in Mrs
Davilows mind first of all the picture of a handsome accomplished excellent
young man whom she would be satisfied with as a husband for her daughter but
then came the further speculation would Gwendolen be satisfied with him There
was no knowing what would meet that girls taste or touch her affections it
might be something else than excellence and thus the image of the perfect
suitor gave way before a fluctuating combination of qualities that might be
imagined to win Gwendolens heart In the difficulty of arriving at the
particular combination which would insure that result the mother even said to
herself »It would not signify about her being in love if she would only accept
the right person« For whatever marriage had been for herself how could she the
less desire it for her daughter The difference her own misfortunes made was
that she never dared to dwell much to Gwendolen on the desirableness of
marriage dreading an answer something like that of the future Madame Roland
when her gentle mother urging the acceptance of a suitor said »Tu seras
heureuse ma chère« »Oui maman comme toi«
In relation to the problematic Mr Grandcourt least of all would Mrs
Davilow have willingly let fall a hint of the aerial castlebuilding which she
had the good taste to be ashamed of for such a hint was likely enough to give
an adverse poise to Gwendolens own thought and make her detest the desirable
husband beforehand Since that scene after poor Rexs farewell visit the mother
had felt a new sense of peril in touching the mystery of her childs feeling
and in rashly determining what was her welfare only she could think of welfare
in no other shape than marriage
The discussion of the dress that Gwendolen was to wear at the Archery
Meeting was a relevant topic however and when it had been decided that as a
touch of colour on her white cashmere nothing for her complexion was
comparable to pale green a feather which she was trying in her hat before the
lookingglass having settled the question Mrs Davilow felt her ears tingle
when Gwendolen suddenly throwing herself into the attitude of drawing her bow
said with a look of comic enjoyment
»How I pity all the other girls at the Archery Meeting all thinking of Mr
Grandcourt And they have not a shadow of a chance«
Mrs Davilow had not presence of mind to answer immediately and Gwendolen
turned quickly round towards her saying wickedly
»Now you know they have not mamma You and my uncle and aunt you all
intend him to fall in love with me«
Mrs Davilow piqued into a little stratagem said »Oh my dear that is
not so certain Miss Arrowpoint has charms which you have not«
»I know but they demand thought My arrow will pierce him before he has
time for thought He will declare himself my slave I shall send him round the
world to bring me back the weddingring of a happy woman in the meantime all
the men who are between him and the title will die of different diseases he
will come back Lord Grandcourt but without the ring and fall at my feet I
shall laugh at him he will rise in resentment I shall laugh more he will
call for his steed and ride to Quetcham where he will find Miss Arrowpoint just
married to a needy musician Mrs Arrowpoint tearing her cap off and Mr
Arrowpoint standing by Exit Lord Grandcourt who returns to Diplow and like
M Jabot change de linge«
Was ever any young witch like this You thought of hiding things from her
sat upon your secret and looked innocent and all the while she knew by the
corner of your eye that it was exactly five pounds ten you were sitting on As
well turn the key to keep out the damp It was probable that by dint of
divination she already knew more than any one else did of Mr Grandcourt That
idea in Mrs Davilows mind prompted the sort of question which often comes
without any other apparent reason than the faculty of speech and the not knowing
what to do with it
»Why what kind of man do you imagine him to be Gwendolen«
»Let me see« said the witch putting her forefinger to her lips with a
little frown and then stretching out the finger with decision »Short just
above my shoulder trying to make himself tall by turning up his mustache and
keeping his beard long a glass in his right eye to give him an air of
distinction a strong opinion about his waistcoat but uncertain and trimming
about the weather on which he will try to draw me out He will stare at me all
the while and the glass in his eye will cause him to make horrible faces
especially when he smiles in a flattering way I shall cast down my eyes in
consequence and he will perceive that I am not indifferent to his attentions I
shall dream that night that I am looking at the extraordinary face of a
magnified insect and the next morning he will make me an offer of his hand
the sequel as before«
»That is a portrait of some one you have seen already Gwen Mr Grandcourt
may be a delightful young man for what you know«
»Oh yes« said Gwendolen with a high note of careless admission taking off
her best hat and turning it round on her hand contemplatively »I wonder what
sort of behaviour a delightful young man would have« Then with a merry change
of face »I know he would have hunters and racers and a London house and two
countryhouses one with battlements and another with a veranda And I feel
sure that with a little murdering he might get a title«
The irony of this speech was of the doubtful sort that has some genuine
belief mixed up with it Poor Mrs Davilow felt uncomfortable under it Her own
meanings being usually literal and in intention innocent and she said with a
distressed brow
»Dont talk in that way child for heavens sake you do read such books
they give you such ideas of everything I declare when your aunt and I were your
age we knew nothing about wickedness I think it was better so«
»Why did you not bring me up in that way mamma« said Gwendolen But
immediately perceiving in the crushed look and rising sob that she had given a
deep wound she tossed down her hat and knelt at her mothers feet crying
»Mamma mamma I was only speaking in fun I meant nothing«
»How could I Gwendolen« said poor Mrs Davilow unable to hear the
retractation and sobbing violently while she made the effort to speak »Your
will was always too strong for me if everything else had been different«
This disjointed logic was intelligible enough to the daughter »Dear mamma
I dont find fault with you I love you« said Gwendolen really compunctious
»How can you help what I am Besides I am very charming Come now« Here
Gwendolen with her handkerchief gently rubbed away her mothers tears »Really
I am contented with myself I like myself better than I should have liked my
aunt and you How dreadfully dull you must have been«
Such tender cajolery served to quiet the mother as it had often done before
after like collisions Not that the collisions had often been repeated at the
same point for in the memory of both they left an association of dread with the
particular topics which had occasioned them Gwendolen dreaded the unpleasant
sense of compunction towards her mother which was the nearest approach to
selfcondemnation and selfdistrust that she had known and Mrs Davilows timid
maternal conscience dreaded whatever had brought on the slightest hint of
reproach Hence after this little scene the two concurred in excluding Mr
Grandcourt from their conversation
When Mr Gascoigne once or twice referred to him Mrs Davilow feared lest
Gwendolen should betray some of her alarming keensightedness about what was
probably in her uncles mind but the fear was not justified Gwendolen knew
certain differences in the characters with which she was concerned as birds know
climate and weather and for the very reason that she was determined to evade
her uncles control she was determined not to clash with him The good
understanding between them was much fostered by their enjoyment of archery
together Mr Gascoigne as one of the best bowmen in Wessex was gratified to
find the elements of like skill in his niece and Gwendolen was the more careful
not to lose the shelter of his fatherly indulgence because since the trouble
with Rex both Mrs Gascoigne and Anna had been unable to hide what she felt to
be a very unreasonable alienation from her Towards Anna she took some pains to
behave with a regretful affectionateness but neither of them dared to mention
Rexs name and Anna to whom the thought of him was part of the air she
breathed was ill at ease with the lively cousin who had ruined his happiness
She tried dutifully to repress any sign of her changed feeling but who in pain
can imitate the glance and handtouch of pleasure
This unfair resentment had rather a hardening effect on Gwendolen and threw
her into a more defiant temper Her uncle too might be offended if she refused
the next person who fell in love with her and one day when that idea was in her
mind she said
»Mamma I see now why girls are glad to be married to escape being
expected to please everybody but themselves«
Happily Mr Middleton was gone without having made any avowal and
notwithstanding the admiration for the handsome Miss Harleth extending perhaps
over thirty square miles in a part of Wessex well studded with families whose
members included several disengaged young men each glad to seat himself by the
lively girl with whom it was so easy to get on in conversation
notwithstanding these grounds for arguing that Gwendolen was likely to have
other suitors more explicit than the cautious curate the fact was not so
Care has been taken not only that the trees should not sweep the stars down
but also that every man who admires a fair girl should not be enamoured of her
and even that every man who is enamoured should not necessarily declare himself
There are various refined shapes in which the price of corn known to be a
potent cause in this relation might if inquired into show why a young lady
perfect in person accomplishments and costume has not the trouble of
rejecting many offers and natures order is certainly benignant in not obliging
us one and all to be desperately in love with the most admirable mortal we have
ever seen Gwendolen we know was far from holding that supremacy in the minds
of all observers Besides it was but a poor eight months since she had come to
Offendene and some inclinations become manifest slowly like the sunward
creeping of plants
In face of this fact that not one of the eligible young men already in the
neighbourhood had made Gwendolen an offer why should Mr Grandcourt be thought
of as likely to do what they had left undone
Perhaps because he was thought of as still more eligible since a great deal
of what passes for likelihood in the world is simply the reflex of a wish Mr
and Mrs Arrowpoint for example having no anxiety that Miss Harleth should
make a brilliant marriage had quite a different likelihood in their minds
Chapter X
1st Gent
What woman should be Sir consult the taste
Of marriageable men This planets store
In iron cotton wool or chemicals
All matter rendered to our plastic skill
Is wrought in shapes responsive to demand
The markets pulse makes index high or low
By rule sublime Our daughters must be wives
And to be wives must be what men will choose
Mens taste is womens test You mark the phrase
Tis good I think the sense well winged and poised
With ts and ss
2d Gent
Nay but turn it round
Give us the test of taste A fine menu
Is it today what Roman epicures
Insisted that a gentleman must eat
To earn the dignity of dining well
Brackenshaw Park where the Archery Meeting was held looked out from its gentle
heights far over the neighbouring valley to the outlying eastern downs and the
broad slow rise of cultivated country hanging like a vast curtain towards the
west The castle which stood on the highest platform of the clustered hills
was built of roughhewn limestone full of lights and shadows made by the dark
dust of lichens and the washings of the rain Masses of beech and fir sheltered
it on the north and spread down here and there along the green slopes like
flocks seeking the water which gleamed below The archeryground was a
carefullykept enclosure on a bit of tableland at the farthest end of the park
protected towards the southwest by tall elms and a thick screen of hollies
which kept the gravel walk and the bit of newlymown turf where the targets were
placed in agreeable afternoon shade The Archery Hall with an arcade in front
showed like a white temple against the greenery on the northern side
What could make a better background for the flowergroups of ladies moving
and bowing and turning their necks as it would become the leisurely lilies to do
if they took to locomotion The sounds too were very pleasant to hear even when
the military band from Wanchester ceased to play musical laughs in all the
registers and a harmony of happy friendly speeches now rising towards mild
excitement now sinking to an agreeable murmur
No openair amusement could be much freer from those noisy crowding
conditions which spoil most modern pleasures no Archery Meeting could be more
select the number of friends accompanying the members being restricted by an
award of tickets so as to keep the maximum within the limits of convenience for
the dinner and ball to be held in the castle Within the enclosure no plebeian
spectators were admitted except Lord Brackenshaws tenants and their families
and of these it was chiefly the feminine members who used the privilege
bringing their little boys and girls or younger brothers and sisters The males
among them relieved the insipidity of the entertainment by imaginative betting
in which the stake was »anything you like« on their favourite archers but the
young maidens having a different principle of discrimination were considering
which of those sweetlydressed ladies they would choose to be if the choice
were allowed them Probably the form these rural souls would most have striven
for as a tabernacle was some other than Gwendolens one with more pink in her
cheeks and hair of the most fashionable yellow but among the male judges in the
ranks immediately surrounding her there was unusual unanimity in pronouncing her
the finest girl present
No wonder she enjoyed her existence on that July day Preeminence is sweet
to those who love it even under mediocre circumstances perhaps it is not quite
mythical that a slave has been proud to be bought first and probably a
barndoor fowl on sale though he may not have understood himself to be called
the best of a bad lot may have a selfinformed consciousness of his relative
importance and strut consoled But for complete enjoyment the outward and the
inward must concur And that concurrence was happening to Gwendolen
Who can deny that bows and arrows are among the prettiest weapons in the
world for feminine forms to play with They prompt attitudes full of grace and
power where that fine concentration of energy seen in all marksmanship is
freed from associations of bloodshed The timehonoured British resource of
»killing something« is no longer carried on with bow and quiver bands defending
their passes against an invading nation fight under another sort of shade than a
cloud of arrows and poisoned darts are harmless survivals either in rhetoric or
in regions comfortably remote Archery has no ugly smell of brimstone breaks
nobodys shins breeds no athletic monsters its only danger is that of failing
which for generous blood is enough to mould skilful action And among the
Brackenshaw archers the prizes were all of the nobler symbolic kind not
property to be carried off in a parcel degrading honour into gain but the gold
arrow and the silver the gold star and the silver to be worn for a time in
sign of achievement and then transferred to the next who did excellently These
signs of preeminence had the virtue of wreaths without their inconveniences
which might have produced a melancholy effect in the heat of the ballroom
Altogether the Brackenshaw Archery Club was an institution framed with good
taste so as not to have by necessity any ridiculous incidents
And today all incalculable elements were in its favour There was mild
warmth and no wind to disturb either hair or drapery or the course of the
arrow all skilful preparation had fair play and when there was a general march
to extract the arrows the promenade of joyous young creatures in light speech
and laughter the graceful movement in common towards a common object was a
show worth looking at Here Gwendolen seemed a Calypso among her nymphs It was
in her attitudes and movements that every one was obliged to admit her
surpassing charm
»That girl is like a highmettled racer« said Lord Brackenshaw to young
Clintock one of the invited spectators
»First chop tremendously pretty too« said the elegant Grecian who had
been paying her assiduous attention »I never saw her look better«
Perhaps she had never looked so well Her face was beaming with young
pleasure in which there were no malign rays of discontent for being satisfied
with her own chances she felt kindly towards everybody and was satisfied with
the universe Not to have the highest distinction in rank not to be marked out
as an heiress like Miss Arrowpoint gave an added triumph in eclipsing those
advantages For personal recommendation she would not have cared to change the
family group accompanying her for any other her mammas appearance would have
suited an amiable duchess her uncle and aunt Gascoigne with Anna made equally
gratifying figures in their way and Gwendolen was too full of joyous belief in
herself to feel in the least jealous though Miss Arrowpoint was one of the best
archeresses
Even the reappearance of the formidable Herr Klesmer which caused some
surprise in the rest of the company seemed only to fall in with Gwendolens
inclination to be amused Short of Apollo himself what great musical maestro
could make a good figure at an archery meeting There was a very satirical light
in Gwendolens eyes as she looked towards the Arrowpoint party on their first
entrance when the contrast between Klesmer and the average group of English
county people seemed at its utmost intensity in the close neighbourhood of his
hosts or patrons as Mrs Arrowpoint would have liked to hear them called
that she might deny the possibility of any longer patronising genius its
royalty being universally acknowledged The contrast might have amused a graver
personage than Gwendolen We English are a miscellaneous people and any chance
fifty of us will present many varieties of animal architecture or facial
ornament but it must be admitted that our prevailing expression is not that of
a lively impassioned race preoccupied with the ideal and carrying the real as
a mere makeweight The strong point of the English gentleman pure is the easy
style of his figure and clothing he objects to marked ins and outs in his
costume and he also objects to looking inspired
Fancy an assemblage where the men had all that ordinary stamp of the
wellbred Englishman watching the entrance of Herr Klesmer his mane of hair
floating backward in massive inconsistency with the chimneypot hat which had
the look of having been put on for a joke above his pronounced but wellmodelled
features and powerful clearshaven mouth and chin his tall thin figure clad in
a way which not being strictly English was all the worse for its apparent
emphasis of intention Draped in a loose garment with a Florentine berretta on
his head he would have been fit to stand by the side of Leonardo da Vinci but
how when he presented himself in trousers which were not what English feeling
demanded about the knees and when the fire that showed itself in his glances
and the movements of his head as he looked round him with curiosity was turned
into comedy by a hat which ruled that mankind should have wellcropped hair and
a staid demeanour such for example as Mr Arrowpoints whose nullity of face
and perfect tailoring might pass everywhere without ridicule One sees why it is
often better for greatness to be dead and to have got rid of the outward man
Many present knew Klesmer or knew of him but they had only seen him on
candlelight occasions when he appeared simply as a musician and he had not yet
that supreme worldwide celebrity which makes an artist great to the most
ordinary people by their knowledge of his great expensiveness It was literally
a new light for them to see him in presented unexpectedly on this July
afternoon in an exclusive society some were inclined to laugh others felt a
little disgust at the want of judgment shown by the Arrowpoints in this use of
an introductory card
»What extreme guys those artistic fellows usually are« said young Clintock
to Gwendolen »Do look at the figure he cuts bowing with his hand on his heart
to Lady Brackenshaw and Mrs Arrowpoints feather just reaching his shoulder«
»You are one of the profane« said Gwendolen »You are blind to the majesty
of genius Herr Klesmer smites me with awe I feel crushed in his presence my
courage all oozes from me«
»Ah you understand all about his music«
»No indeed« said Gwendolen with a light laugh »it is he who understands
all about mine and thinks it pitiable« Klesmers verdict on her singing had
been an easier joke to her since he had been struck by her plastik
»It is not addressed to the ears of the future I suppose Im glad of that
it suits mine«
»Oh you are very kind But how remarkably well Miss Arrowpoint looks
today She would make quite a fine picture in that goldcoloured dress«
»Too splendid dont you think«
»Well perhaps a little too symbolical too much like the figure of Wealth
in an allegory«
This speech of Gwendolens had rather a malicious sound but it was not
really more than a bubble of fun She did not wish Miss Arrowpoint or any one
else to be out of the way believing in her own good fortune even more than in
her skill The belief in both naturally grew stronger as the shooting went on
for she promised to achieve one of the best scores a success which astonished
every one in a new member and to Gwendolens temperament one success determined
another She trod on air and all things pleasant seemed possible The hour was
enough for her and she was not obliged to think what she should do next to keep
her life at the due pitch
»How does the scoring stand I wonder« said Lady Brackenshaw a gracious
personage who adorned with two fair little girls and a boy of stout make sat
as lady paramount Her lord had come up to her in one of the intervals of
shooting »It seems to me that Miss Harleth is likely to win the gold arrow«
»Gad I think she will if she carries it on she is running Juliet Fenn
hard It is wonderful for one in her first year Catherine is not up to her
usual mark« continued his lordship turning to the heiresss mother who sat
near »But she got the gold arrow last time And theres a luck even in these
games of skill Thats better It gives the hinder ones a chance«
»Catherine will be very glad for others to win« said Mrs Arrowpoint »she
is so magnanimous It was entirely her considerateness that made us bring Herr
Klesmer instead of Canon Stopley who had expressed a wish to come For her own
pleasure I am sure she would rather have brought the Canon but she is always
thinking of others I told her it was not quite en règle to bring one so far out
of our own set but she said Genius itself is not en règle it comes into the
world to make new rules And one must admit that«
»Ay to be sure« said Lord Brackenshaw in a tone of careless dismissal
adding quickly »For my part I am not magnanimous I should like to win But
confound it I never have the chance now Im getting old and idle The young
ones beat me As old Nestor says the gods dont give us everything at one
time I was a young fellow once and now I am getting an old and wise one Old
at any rate which is a gift that comes to everybody if they live long enough
so it raises no jealousy« The Earl smiled comfortably at his wife
»Oh my lord people who have been neighbours twenty years must not talk to
each other about age« said Mrs Arrowpoint »Years as the Tuscans say are
made for the letting of houses But where is our new neighbour I thought Mr
Grandcourt was to be here today«
»Ah by the way so he was The times getting on too« said his lordship
looking at his watch »But he only got to Diplow the other day He came to us on
Tuesday and said he had been a little bothered He may have been pulled in
another direction Why Gascoigne« the Rector was just then crossing at a
little distance with Gwendolen on his arm and turned in compliance with the
call »this is a little too bad you not only beat us yourself but you bring
up your niece to beat all the archeresses«
»It is rather scandalous in her to get the better of elder members« said
Mr Gascoigne with much inward satisfaction curling his short upper lip »But
it is not my doing my lord I only meant her to make a tolerable figure
without surpassing any one«
»It is not my fault either« said Gwendolen with pretty archness »If I am
to aim I cant help hitting«
»Ay ay that may be a fatal business for some people« said Lord
Brackenshaw goodhumouredly then taking out his watch and looking at Mrs
Arrowpoint again »The times getting on as you say But Grandcourt is always
late I notice in town hes always late and hes no bowman understands
nothing about it But I told him he must come he would see the flower of the
neighbourhood here He asked about you had seen Arrowpoints card I think you
had not made his acquaintance in town He has been a good deal abroad People
dont know him much«
»No we are strangers« said Mrs Arrowpoint »But that is not what might
have been expected For his uncle Sir Hugo Mallinger and I are great friends
when we meet«
»I dont know uncles and nephews are not so likely to be seen together as
uncles and nieces« said his lordship smiling towards the Rector »But just
come with me one instant Gascoigne will you I want to speak a word about the
cloutshooting«
Gwendolen chose to go too and be deposited in the same group with her mamma
and aunt until she had to shoot again That Mr Grandcourt might after all not
appear on the archeryground had begun to enter into Gwendolens thought as a
possible deduction from the completeness of her pleasure Under all her saucy
satire provoked chiefly by her divination that her friends thought of him as a
desirable match for her she felt something very far from indifference as to the
impression she would make on him True he was not to have the slightest power
over her for Gwendolen had not considered that the desire to conquer is itself
a sort of subjection she had made up her mind that he was to be one of those
complimentary and assiduously admiring men of whom even her narrow experience
had shown her several with variouscoloured beards and various styles of
bearing and the sense that her friends would want her to think him delightful
gave her a resistant inclination to presuppose him ridiculous But that was no
reason why she could spare his presence and even a passing prevision of trouble
in case she despised and refused him raised not the shadow of a wish that he
should save her that trouble by showing no disposition to make her an offer Mr
Grandcourt taking hardly any notice of her and becoming shortly engaged to Miss
Arrowpoint was not a picture which flattered her imagination
Hence Gwendolen had been all ear to Lord Brackenshaws mode of accounting
for Grandcourts nonappearance and when he did arrive no consciousness not
even Mrs Arrowpoints or Mr Gascoignes was more awake to the fact than
hers although she steadily avoided looking towards any point where he was
likely to be There should be no slightest shifting of angles to betray that it
was of any consequence to her whether the muchtalkedof Mr Mallinger
Grandcourt presented himself or not She became again absorbed in the shooting
and so resolutely abstained from looking round observantly that even supposing
him to have taken a conspicuous place among the spectators it might be clear
she was not aware of him And all the while the certainty that he was there made
a distinct thread in her consciousness Perhaps her shooting was the better for
it at any rate it gained in precision and she at last raised a delightful
storm of clapping and applause by three hits running in the gold a feat which
among the Brackenshaw archers had not the vulgar reward of a shilling polltax
but that of a special gold star to be worn on the breast That moment was not
only a happy one to herself it was just what her mamma and her uncle would
have chosen for her There was a general falling into ranks to give her space
that she might advance conspicuously to receive the gold star from the hands of
Lady Brackenshaw and the perfect movement of her fine form was certainly a
pleasant thing to behold in the clear afternoon light when the shadows were long
and still She was the central object of that pretty picture and every one
present must gaze at her That was enough she herself was determined to see
nobody in particular or to turn her eyes any way except towards Lady
Brackenshaw but her thoughts undeniably turned in other ways It entered a
little into her pleasure that Herr Klesmer must be observing her at a moment
when music was out of the question and his superiority very far in the
background for vanity is as ill at ease under indifference as tenderness is
under a love which it cannot return and the unconquered Klesmer threw a trace
of his malign power even across her pleasant consciousness that Mr Grandcourt
was seeing her to the utmost advantage and was probably giving her an
admiration unmixed with criticism She did not expect to admire him but that
was not necessary to her peace of mind
Gwendolen met Lady Brackenshaws gracious smile without blushing which only
came to her when she was taken by surprise but with a charming gladness of
expression and then bent with easy grace to have the star fixed near her
shoulder That little ceremony had been over long enough for her to have
exchanged playful speeches and received congratulations as she moved among the
groups who were now interesting themselves in the results of the scoring but it
happened that she stood outside examining the point of an arrow with rather an
absent air when Lord Brackenshaw came up to her and said
»Miss Harleth here is a gentleman who is not willing to wait any longer for
an introduction He has been getting Mrs Davilow to send me with him Will you
allow me to introduce Mr Mallinger Grandcourt«
Book II
Meeting Streams
Chapter XI
The beginning of an acquaintance whether with persons or things is
to get a definite outline for our ignorance
Mr Grandcourts wish to be introduced had no suddenness for Gwendolen but when
Lord Brackenshaw moved aside a little for the prefigured stranger to come
forward and she felt herself face to face with the real man there was a little
shock which flushed her cheeks and vexatiously deepened with her consciousness
of it The shock came from the reversal of her expectations Grandcourt could
hardly have been more unlike all her imaginary portraits of him He was slightly
taller than herself and their eyes seemed to be on a level there was not the
faintest smile on his face as he looked at her not a trace of
selfconsciousness or anxiety in his bearing when he raised his hat he showed
an extensive baldness surrounded with a mere fringe of reddishblond hair but
he also showed a perfect hand the line of feature from brow to chin undisguised
by beard was decidedly handsome with only moderate departures from the
perpendicular and the slight whisker too was perpendicular It was not possible
for a human aspect to be freer from grimace or solicitous wrigglings also it
was perhaps not possible for a breathing man wide awake to look less animated
The correct Englishman drawing himself up from his bow into rigidity assenting
severely and seeming to be in a state of internal drill suggests a suppressed
vivacity and may be suspected of letting go with some violence when he is
released from parade but Grandcourts bearing had no rigidity it inclined
rather to the flaccid His complexion had a faded fairness resembling that of an
actress when bare of the artificial white and red his long narrow grey eyes
expressed nothing but indifference Attempts at description are stupid who can
all at once describe a human being even when he is presented to us we only
begin that knowledge of his appearance which must be completed by innumerable
impressions under differing circumstances We recognise the alphabet we are not
sure of the language I am only mentioning the points that Gwendolen saw by the
light of a prepared contrast in the first minutes of her meeting with
Grandcourt they were summed up in the words »He is not ridiculous« But
forthwith Lord Brackenshaw was gone and what is called conversation had begun
the first and constant element in it being that Grandcourt looked at Gwendolen
persistently with a slightly exploring gaze but without change of expression
while she only occasionally looked at him with a flash of observation a little
softened by coquetry Also after her answers there was a longer or shorter
pause before he spoke again
»I used to think archery was a great bore« Grandcourt began He spoke with
a fine accent but with a certain broken drawl as of a distinguished personage
with a distinguished cold on his chest
»Are you converted today« said Gwendolen
Pause during which she imagined various degrees and modes of opinion about
herself that might be entertained by Grandcourt
»Yes since I saw you shooting In things of this sort one generally sees
people missing and simpering«
»I suppose you are a firstrate shot with a rifle«
Pause during which Gwendolen having taken a rapid observation of
Grandcourt made a brief graphic description of him to an indefinite hearer
»I have left off shooting«
»Oh then you are a formidable person People who have done things once and
left them off make one feel very contemptible as if one were using castoff
fashions I hope you have not left off all follies because I practise a great
many«
Pause during which Gwendolen made several interpretations of her own
speech
»What do you call follies«
»Well in general I think whatever is agreeable is called a folly But you
have not left off hunting I hear«
Pause wherein Gwendolen recalled what she had heard about Grandcourts
position and decided that he was the most aristocraticlooking man she had ever
seen
»One must do something«
»And do you care about the turf or is that among the things you have left
off«
Pause during which Gwendolen thought that a man of extremely calm cold
manners might be less disagreeable as a husband than other men and not likely
to interfere with his wifes preferences
»I run a horse now and then but I dont go in for the thing as some men do
Are you fond of horses«
»Yes indeed I never like my life so well as when I am on horseback having
a great gallop I think of nothing I only feel myself strong and happy«
Pause wherein Gwendolen wondered whether Grandcourt would like what she
said but assured herself that she was not going to disguise her tastes
»Do you like danger«
»I dont know When I am on horseback I never think of danger It seems to
me that if I broke my bones I should not feel it I should go at anything that
came in my way«
Pause during which Gwendolen had run through a whole hunting season with
two chosen hunters to ride at will
»You would perhaps like tigerhunting or pigsticking I saw some of that for
a season or two in the East Everything here is poor stuff after that«
»You are fond of danger then«
Pause wherein Gwendolen speculated on the probability that the men of
coldest manners were the most adventurous and felt the strength of her own
insight supposing the question had to be decided
»One must have something or other But one gets used to it«
»I begin to think I am very fortunate because everything is new to me it
is only that I cant get enough of it I am not used to anything except being
dull which I should like to leave off as you have left off shooting«
Pause during which it occurred to Gwendolen that a man of cold and
distinguished manners might possibly be a dull companion but on the other hand
she thought that most persons were dull that she had not observed husbands to
be companions and that after all she was not going to accept Grandcourt
»Why are you dull«
»This is a dreadful neighbourhood There is nothing to be done in it That
is why I practised my archery«
Pause during which Gwendolen reflected that the life of an unmarried woman
who could not go about and had no command of anything must necessarily be dull
through all the degrees of comparison as time went on
»You have made yourself queen of it I imagine you will carry the first
prize«
»I dont know that I have great rivals Did you not observe how well Miss
Arrowpoint shot«
Pause wherein Gwendolen was thinking that men had been known to choose
some one else than the woman they most admired and recalled several experiences
of that kind in novels
»Miss Arrowpoint No that is yes«
»Shall we go now and hear what the scoring says Every one is going to the
other end now shall we join them I think my uncle is looking towards me He
perhaps wants me«
Gwendolen found a relief for herself by thus changing the situation not
that the têteàtête was quite disagreeable to her but while it lasted she
apparently could not get rid of the unwonted flush in her cheeks and the sense
of surprise which made her feel less mistress of herself than usual And this
Mr Grandcourt who seemed to feel his own importance more than he did hers a
sort of unreasonableness few of us can tolerate must not take for granted that
he was of great moment to her or that because others speculated on him as a
desirable match she held herself altogether at his beck How Grandcourt had
filled up the pauses will be more evident hereafter
»You have just missed the gold arrow Gwendolen« said Mr Gascoigne »Miss
Juliet Fenn scores eight above you«
»I am very glad to hear it I should have felt that I was making myself too
disagreeable taking the best of everything« said Gwendolen quite easily
It was impossible to be jealous of Juliet Fenn a girl as middling as
midday market in everything but her archery and her plainness in which last
she was noticeably like her father underhung and with receding brow resembling
that of the more intelligent fishes Surely considering the importance which
is given to such an accident in female offspring marriageable men or what the
new English calls »intending bridegrooms« should look at themselves
dispassionately in the glass since their natural selection of a mate prettier
than themselves is not certain to bar the effect of their own ugliness
There was now a lively movement in the mingling groups which carried the
talk along with it Every one spoke to every one else by turns and Gwendolen
who chose to see what was going on around her now observed that Grandcourt was
having Klesmer presented to him by some one unknown to her a middleaged man
with dark full face and fat hands who seemed to be on the easiest terms with
both and presently led the way in joining the Arrowpoints whose acquaintance
had already been made by both him and Grandcourt Who this stranger was she did
not care much to know but she wished to observe what was Grandcourts manner
towards others than herself Precisely the same except that he did not look
much at Miss Arrowpoint but rather at Klesmer who was speaking with animation
now stretching out his long fingers horizontally now pointing downwards with
his forefinger now folding his arms and tossing his mane while he addressed
himself first to one and then the other including Grandcourt who listened with
an impassive face and narrow eyes his left forefinger in his waistcoatpocket
and his right slightly touching his thin whisker
»I wonder which style Miss Arrowpoint admires most« was a thought that
glanced through Gwendolens mind while her eyes and lips gathered rather a
mocking expression But she would not indulge her sense of amusement by watching
as if she were curious and she gave all her animation to those immediately
around her determined not to care whether Mr Grandcourt came near her again or
not
He did come however and at a moment when he could propose to conduct Mrs
Davilow to her carriage »Shall we meet again in the ballroom« she said as he
raised his hat at parting The »yes« in reply had the usual slight drawl and
perfect gravity
»You were wrong for once Gwendolen« said Mrs Davilow during their few
minutes drive to the castle
»In what mamma«
»About Mr Grandcourts appearance and manners You cant find anything
ridiculous in him«
»I suppose I could if I tried but I dont want to do it« said Gwendolen
rather pettishly and her mamma was afraid to say more
It was the rule on these occasions for the ladies and gentlemen to dine
apart so that the dinner might make a time of comparative ease and rest for
both Indeed the gentlemen had a set of archery stories about the epicurism of
the ladies who had somehow been reported to show a revolting masculine judgment
in venison even asking for the fat a proof of the frightful rate at which
corruption might go on in women but for severe social restraint And every year
the amiable Lord Brackenshaw who was something of a gourmet mentioned Byrons
opinion that a woman should never be seen eating introducing it with a
confidential »The fact is« as if he were for the first time admitting his
concurrence in that sentiment of the refined poet
In the ladies diningroom it was evident that Gwendolen was not a general
favourite with her own sex there were no beginnings of intimacy between her and
other girls and in conversation they rather noticed what she said than spoke to
her in free exchange Perhaps it was that she was not much interested in them
and when left alone in their company had a sense of empty benches Mrs Vulcany
once remarked that Miss Harleth was too fond of the gentlemen but we know that
she was not in the least fond of them she was only fond of their homage and
women did not give her homage The exception to this willing aloofness from her
was Miss Arrowpoint who often managed unostentatiously to be by her side and
talked to her with quiet friendliness
»She knows as I do that our friends are ready to quarrel over a husband
for us« thought Gwendolen »and she is determined not to enter into the
quarrel«
»I think Miss Arrowpoint has the best manners I ever saw« said Mrs
Davilow when she and Gwendolen were in a dressingroom with Mrs Gascoigne and
Anna but at a distance where they could have their talk apart
»I wish I were like her« said Gwendolen
»Why Are you getting discontented with yourself Gwen«
»No but I am discontented with things She seems contented«
»I am sure you ought to be satisfied today You must have enjoyed the
shooting I saw you did«
»Oh that is over now and I dont know what will come next« said
Gwendolen stretching herself with a sort of moan and throwing up her arms They
were bare now it was the fashion to dance in the archery dress throwing off
the jacket and the simplicity of her white cashmere with its border of pale
green set off her form to the utmost A thin line of gold round her neck and
the gold star on her breast were her only ornaments Her smooth soft hair piled
up into a grand crown made a clear line about her brow Sir Joshua would have
been glad to take her portrait and he would have had an easier task than the
historian at least in this that he would not have had to represent the truth of
change only to give stability to one beautiful moment
»The dancing will come next« said Mrs Davilow »You are sure to enjoy
that«
»I shall only dance in the quadrille I told Mr Clintock so I shall not
waltz or polk with any one«
»Why in the world do you say that all on a sudden«
»I cant bear having ugly people so near me«
»Whom do you mean by ugly people«
»Oh plenty«
»Mr Clintock for example is not ugly« Mrs Davilow dared not mention
Grandcourt
»Well I hate woollen cloth touching me«
»Fancy« said Mrs Davilow to her sister who now came up from the other end
of the room »Gwendolen says she will not waltz or polk«
»She is rather given to whims I think« said Mrs Gascoigne gravely »It
would be more becoming in her to behave as other young ladies do on such an
occasion as this especially when she has had the advantage of firstrate
dancing lessons«
»Why should I waltz if I dont like it aunt It is not in the Catechism«
»My dear« said Mrs Gascoigne in a tone of severe check and Anna looked
frightened at Gwendolens daring But they all passed on without saying more
Apparently something had changed Gwendolens mood since the hour of exulting
enjoyment in the archeryground But she did not look the worse under the
chandeliers in the ballroom where the soft splendour of the scene and the
pleasant odours from the conservatory could not but be soothing to the temper
when accompanied with the consciousness of being preeminently sought for
Hardly a dancing man but was anxious to have her for a partner and each whom
she accepted was in a state of melancholy remonstrance that she would not waltz
or polk
»Are you under a vow Miss Harleth« »Why are you so cruel to us all«
»You waltzed with me in February« »And you who waltz so perfectly« were
exclamations not without piquancy for her The ladies who waltzed naturally
thought that Miss Harleth only wanted to make herself particular but her uncle
when he overheard her refusal supported her by saying
»Gwendolen has usually good reasons« He thought she was certainly more
distinguished in not waltzing and he wished her to be distinguished The
archery ball was intended to be kept at the subdued pitch that suited all
dignities clerical and secular it was not an escapement for youthful high
spirits and he himself was of opinion that the fashionable dances were too much
of a romp
Among the remonstrant dancing men however Mr Grandcourt was not numbered
After standing up for a quadrille with Miss Arrowpoint it seemed that he meant
to ask for no other partner Gwendolen observed him frequently with the
Arrowpoints but he never took an opportunity of approaching her Mr Gascoigne
was sometimes speaking to him but Mr Gascoigne was everywhere It was in her
mind now that she would probably after all not have the least trouble about him
perhaps he had looked at her without any particular admiration and was too much
used to everything in the world to think of her as more than one of the girls
who were invited in that part of the country Of course It was ridiculous of
elders to entertain notions about what a man would do without having seen him
even through a telescope Probably he meant to marry Miss Arrowpoint Whatever
might come she Gwendolen was not going to be disappointed the affair was a
joke whichever way it turned for she had never committed herself even by a
silent confidence in anything Mr Grandcourt would do Still she noticed that
he did sometimes quietly and gradually change his position according to hers so
that he could see her whenever she was dancing and if he did not admire her
so much the worse for him
This movement for the sake of being in sight of her was more direct than
usual rather late in the evening when Gwendolen had accepted Klesmer as a
partner and that wideglancing personage who saw everything and nothing by
turns said to her when they were walking »Mr Grandcourt is a man of taste He
likes to see you dancing«
»Perhaps he likes to look at what is against his taste« said Gwendolen
with a light laugh she was quite courageous with Klesmer now »He may be so
tired of admiring that he likes disgust for a variety«
»Those words are not suitable to your lips« said Klesmer quickly with one
of his grand frowns while he shook his hand as if to banish the discordant
sounds
»Are you as critical of words as of music«
»Certainly I am I should require your words to be what your face and form
are always among the meanings of a noble music«
»That is a compliment as well as a correction I am obliged for both But do
you know I am bold enough to wish to correct you and require you to understand
a joke«
»One may understand jokes without liking them« said the terrible Klesmer
»I have had opera books sent me full of jokes it was just because I understood
them that I did not like them The comic people are ready to challenge a man
because he looks grave You dont see the witticism sir No sir but I see
what you meant Then I am what we call ticketed as a fellow without esprit But
in fact« said Klesmer suddenly dropping from his quick narrative to a
reflective tone with an impressive frown »I am very sensible to wit and
humour«
»I am glad you tell me that« said Gwendolen not without some wickedness of
intention But Klesmers thoughts had flown off on the wings of his own
statement as their habit was and she had the wickedness all to herself »Pray
who is that standing near the cardroom door« she went on seeing there the
same stranger with whom Klesmer had been in animated talk on the archeryground
»He is a friend of yours I think«
»No no an amateur I have seen in town Lush a Mr Lush too fond of
Meyerbeer and Scribe too fond of the mechanicaldramatic«
»Thanks I wanted to know whether you thought his face and form required
that his words should be among the meanings of noble music« Klesmer was
conquered and flashed at her a delightful smile which made them quite friendly
until she begged to be deposited by the side of her mamma
Three minutes afterwards her preparations for Grandcourts indifference were
all cancelled Turning her head after some remark to her mother she found that
he had made his way up to her
»May I ask if you are tired of dancing Miss Harleth« he began looking
down with his former unperturbed expression
»Not in the least«
»Will you do me the honour the next or another quadrille«
»I should have been very happy« said Gwendolen looking at her card »but I
am engaged for the next to Mr Clintock and indeed I perceive that I am doomed
for every quadrille I have not one to dispose of« She was not sorry to punish
Mr Grandcourts tardiness yet at the same time she would have liked to dance
with him She gave him a charming smile as she looked up to deliver her answer
and he stood still looking down at her with no smile at all
»I am unfortunate in being too late« he said after a moments pause
»It seemed to me that you did not care for dancing« said Gwendolen »I
thought it might be one of the things you had left off«
»Yes but I have not begun to dance with you« said Grandcourt Always there
was the same pause before he took up his cue »You make dancing a new thing as
you make archery«
»Is novelty always agreeable«
»No no not always«
»Then I dont know whether to feel flattered or not When you had once
danced with me there would be no more novelty in it«
»On the contrary there would probably be much more«
»That is deep I dont understand«
»Is it difficult to make Miss Harleth understand her power« Here Grandcourt
had turned to Mrs Davilow who smiling gently at her daughter said
»I think she does not generally strike people as slow to understand«
»Mamma« said Gwendolen in a deprecating tone »I am adorably stupid and
want everything explained to me when the meaning is pleasant«
»If you are stupid I admit that stupidity is adorable« returned
Grandcourt after the usual pause and without change of tone But clearly he
knew what to say
»I begin to think that my cavalier has forgotten me« Gwendolen observed
after a little while »I see the quadrille is being formed«
»He deserves to be renounced« said Grandcourt
»I think he is very pardonable« said Gwendolen
»There must have been some misunderstanding« said Mrs Davilow »Mr
Clintock was too anxious about the engagement to have forgotten it«
But now Lady Brackenshaw came up and said »Miss Harleth Mr Clintock has
charged me to express to you his deep regret that he was obliged to leave
without having the pleasure of dancing with you again An express came from his
father the archdeacon something important he was obliged to go He was au
désespoir«
»Oh he was very good to remember the engagement under the circumstances«
said Gwendolen »I am sorry he was called away« It was easy to be politely
sorrowful on so felicitous an occasion
»Then I can profit by Mr Clintocks misfortune« said Grandcourt »May I
hope that you will let me take his place«
»I shall be very happy to dance the next quadrille with you«
The appropriateness of the event seemed an augury and as Gwendolen stood up
for the quadrille with Grandcourt there was a revival in her of the exultation
the sense of carrying everything before her which she had felt earlier in the
day No man could have walked through the quadrille with more irreproachable
ease than Grandcourt and the absence of all eagerness in his attention to her
suited his partners taste She was now convinced that he meant to distinguish
her to mark his admiration of her in a noticeable way and it began to appear
probable that she would have it in her power to reject him whence there was a
pleasure in reckoning up the advantages which would make her rejection splendid
and in giving Mr Grandcourt his utmost value It was also agreeable to divine
that his exclusive selection of her to dance with from among all the unmarried
ladies present would attract observation though she studiously avoided seeing
this and at the end of the quadrille walked away on Grandcourts arm as if she
had been one of the shortest sighted instead of the longest and widest sighted
of mortals They encountered Miss Arrowpoint who was standing with Lady
Brackenshaw and a group of gentlemen The heiress looked at Gwendolen invitingly
and said »I hope you will vote with us Miss Harleth and Mr Grandcourt too
though he is not an archer« Gwendolen and Grandcourt paused to join the group
and found that the voting turned on the project of a picnic archery meeting to
be held in Cardell Chase where the evening entertainment would be more poetic
than a ball under chandeliers a feast of sunset lights along the glades and
through the branches and over the solemn treetops
Gwendolen thought the scheme delightful equal to playing Robin Hood and
Maid Marian and Mr Grandcourt when appealed to a second time said it was a
thing to be done whereupon Mr Lush who stood behind Lady Brackenshaws elbow
drew Gwendolens notice by saying with a familiar look and tone to Grandcourt
»Diplow would be a good place for the meeting and more convenient theres a
fine bit between the oaks towards the north gate«
Impossible to look more unconscious of being addressed than Grandcourt but
Gwendolen took a new survey of the speaker deciding first that he must be on
terms of intimacy with the tenant of Diplow and secondly that she would
never if she could help it let him come within a yard of her She was subject
to physical antipathies and Mr Lushs prominent eyes fat though not clumsy
figure and strong black greybesprinkled hair of frizzy thickness which with
the rest of his prosperous person was enviable to many created one of the
strongest of her antipathies To be safe from his looking at her she murmured
to Grandcourt »I should like to continue walking«
He obeyed immediately but when they were thus away from any audience he
spoke no word for several minutes and she out of a halfamused halfserious
inclination for experiment would not speak first They turned into the large
conservatory beautifully lit up with Chinese lamps The other couples there
were at a distance which would not have interfered with any dialogue but still
they walked in silence until they had reached the farther end where there was a
flush of pink light and the second wide opening into the ballroom Grandcourt
when they had half turned round paused and said languidly
»Do you like this kind of thing«
If the situation had been described to Gwendolen half an hour before she
would have laughed heartily at it and could only have imagined herself
returning a playful satirical answer But for some mysterious reason it was a
mystery of which she had a faint wondering consciousness she dared not be
satirical she had begun to feel a wand over her that made her afraid of
offending Grandcourt
»Yes« she said quietly without considering what »kind of thing« was meant
whether the flowers the scents the ball in general or this episode of
walking with Mr Grandcourt in particular And they returned along the
conservatory without farther interpretation She then proposed to go and sit
down in her old place and they walked among scattered couples preparing for the
waltz to the spot where Mrs Davilow had been seated all the evening As they
approached it her seat was vacant but she was coming towards it again and to
Gwendolens shuddering annoyance with Mr Lush at her elbow There was no
avoiding the confrontation her mamma came close to her before they had reached
the seats and after a quiet greeting smile said innocently »Gwendolen dear
let me present Mr Lush to you« Having just made the acquaintance of this
personage as an intimate and constant companion of Mr Grandcourts Mrs
Davilow imagined it altogether desirable that her daughter also should make the
acquaintance
It was hardly a bow that Gwendolen gave rather it was the slightest
forward sweep of the head away from the physiognomy that inclined itself towards
her and she immediately moved towards her seat saying »I want to put on my
burnous« No sooner had she reached it than Mr Lush was there and had the
burnous in his hand to annoy this supercilious young lady he would incur the
offence of forestalling Grandcourt and holding up the garment close to
Gwendolen he said »Pray permit me« But she wheeling away from him as if he
had been a muddy hound glided on to the ottoman saying »No thank you«
A man who forgave this would have much Christian feeling supposing he had
intended to be agreeable to the young lady but before he seized the burnous Mr
Lush had ceased to have that intention Grandcourt quietly took the drapery from
him and Mr Lush with a slight bow moved away
»You had perhaps better put it on« said Mr Grandcourt looking down on her
without change of expression
»Thanks perhaps it would be wise« said Gwendolen rising and submitting
very gracefully to take the burnous on her shoulders
After that Mr Grandcourt exchanged a few polite speeches with Mrs
Davilow and in taking leave asked permission to call at Offendene the next
day He was evidently not offended by the insult directed towards his friend
Certainly Gwendolens refusal of the burnous from Mr Lush was open to the
interpretation that she wished to receive it from Mr Grandcourt But she poor
child had had no design in this action and was simply following her antipathy
and inclination confiding in them as she did in the more reflective judgments
into which they entered as sap into leafage Gwendolen had no sense that these
men were dark enigmas to her or that she needed any help in drawing conclusions
about them Mr Grandcourt at least The chief question was how far his
character and ways might answer her wishes and unless she were satisfied about
that she had said to herself that she would not accept his offer
Could there be a slenderer more insignificant thread in human history than this
consciousness of a girl busy with her small inferences of the way in which she
could make her life pleasant in a time too when ideas were with fresh
vigour making armies of themselves and the universal kinship was declaring
itself fiercely when women on the other side of the world would not mourn for
the husbands and sons who died bravely in a common cause and men stinted of
bread on our side of the world heard of that willing loss and were patient a
time when the soul of man was waking to pulses which had for centuries been
beating in him unfelt until their full sum made a new life of terror or of joy
What in the midst of that mighty drama are girls and their blind visions
They are the Yea or Nay of that good for which men are enduring and fighting In
these delicate vessels is borne onward through the ages the treasure of human
affections
Chapter XII
»O gentlemen the time of life is short
To spend that shortness basely were too long
If life did ride upon a dials point
Still ending at the arrival of an hour«
Shakespeare Henry IV
On the second day after the Archery Meeting Mr Henleigh Mallinger Grandcourt
was at his breakfasttable with Mr Lush Everything around them was agreeable
the summer air through the open windows at which the dogs could walk in from
the old green turf on the lawn the soft purplish colouring of the park beyond
stretching towards a mass of bordering wood the still life in the room which
seemed the stiller for its sober antiquated elegance as if it kept a conscious
wellbred silence unlike the restlessness of vulgar furniture
Whether the gentlemen were agreeable to each other was less evident Mr
Grandcourt had drawn his chair aside so as to face the lawn and with his left
leg over another chair and his right elbow on the table was smoking a large
cigar while his companion was still eating The dogs halfadozen of various
kinds were moving lazily in and out or taking attitudes of brief attention
gave a vacillating preference first to one gentleman then to the other being
dogs in such good circumstances that they could play at hunger and liked to be
served with delicacies which they declined to put into their mouths all except
Fetch the beautiful livercoloured waterspaniel which sat with its forepaws
firmly planted and its expressive brown face turned upward watching Grandcourt
with unshaken constancy He held in his lap a tiny Maltese dog with a tiny
silver collar and bell and when he had a hand unused by cigar or coffeecup it
rested on this small parcel of animal warmth I fear that Fetch was jealous and
wounded that her master gave her no word or look at last it seemed that she
could bear this neglect no longer and she gently put her large silky paw on her
masters leg Grandcourt looked at her with unchanged face for half a minute
and then took the trouble to lay down his cigar while he lifted the
unimpassioned Fluff close to his chin and gave it caressing pats all the while
gravely watching Fetch who poor thing whimpered interruptedly as if trying
to repress that sign of discontent and at last rested her head beside the
appealing paw looking up with piteous beseeching So at least a lover of dogs
must have interpreted Fetch and Grandcourt kept so many dogs that he was
reputed to love them at any rate his impulse to act just in this way started
from such an interpretation But when the amusing anguish burst forth in a
howling bark Grandcourt pushed Fetch down without speaking and depositing
Fluff carelessly on the table where his black nose predominated over a
saltcellar began to look to his cigar and found with some annoyance against
Fetch as the cause that the brute of a cigar required relighting Fetch having
begun to wail found like others of her sex that it was not easy to leave off
indeed the second howl was a louder one and the third was like unto it
»Turn out that brute will you« said Grandcourt to Lush without raising
his voice or looking at him as if he counted on attention to the smallest
sign
And Lush immediately rose lifted Fetch though she was rather heavy and he
was not fond of stooping and carried her out disposing of her in some way that
took him a couple of minutes before he returned He then lit a cigar placed
himself at an angle where he could see Grandcourts face without turning and
presently said
»Shall you ride or drive to Quetcham today«
»I am not going to Quetcham«
»You did not go yesterday«
Grandcourt smoked in silence for half a minute and then said
»I suppose you sent my card and inquiries«
»I went myself at four and said you were sure to be there shortly They
would suppose some accident prevented you from fulfilling the intention
Especially if you go today«
Silence for a couple of minutes Then Grandcourt said »What men are invited
here with their wives«
Lush drew out a notebook »The Captain and Mrs Torrington come next week
Then there are Mr Hollis and Lady Flora and the Cushats and the Gogoffs«
»Rather a ragged lot« remarked Grandcourt after a while »Why did you ask
the Gogoffs When you write invitations in my name be good enough to give me a
list instead of bringing down a giantess on me without my knowledge She spoils
the look of the room«
»You invited the Gogoffs yourself when you met them in Paris«
»What has my meeting them in Paris to do with it I told you to give me a
list«
Grandcourt like many others had two remarkably different voices Hitherto
we have heard him speaking in a superficial interrupted drawl suggestive chiefly
of languor and ennui But this last brief speech was uttered in subdued inward
yet distinct tones which Lush had long been used to recognise as the expression
of a peremptory will
»Are there any other couples you would like to invite«
»Yes think of some decent people with a daughter or two And one of your
damned musicians But not a comic fellow«
»I wonder if Klesmer would consent to come to us when he leaves Quetcham
Nothing but firstrate music will go down with Miss Arrowpoint«
Lush spoke carelessly but he was really seizing an opportunity and fixing
an observant look on Grandcourt who now for the first time turned his eyes
towards his companion but slowly and without speaking until he had given two
long luxurious puffs when he said perhaps in a lower tone than ever but with
a perceptible edge of contempt
»What in the name of nonsense have I to do with Miss Arrowpoint and her
music«
»Well something« said Lush jocosely »You need not give yourself much
trouble perhaps But some forms must be gone through before a man can marry a
million«
»Very likely But I am not going to marry a million«
»Thats a pity to fling away an opportunity of this sort and knock down
your own plans«
»Your plans I suppose you mean«
»You have some debts you know and things may turn out inconveniently after
all The heirship is not absolutely certain«
Grandcourt did not answer and Lush went on
»It really is a fine opportunity The father and mother ask for nothing
better I can see and the daughters looks and manners require no allowances
any more than if she hadnt a sixpence She is not beautiful but equal to
carrying any rank And she is not likely to refuse such prospects as you can
offer her«
»Perhaps not«
»The father and mother would let you do anything you liked with them«
»But I should not like to do anything with them«
Here it was Lush who made a little pause before speaking again and then he
said in a deep voice of remonstrance »Good God Grandcourt after your
experience will you let a whim interfere with your comfortable settlement in
life«
»Spare your oratory I know what I am going to do«
»What« Lush put down his cigar and thrust his hands into his side pockets
as if he had to face something exasperating but meant to keep his temper
»I am going to marry the other girl«
»Have you fallen in love« This question carried a strong sneer
»I am going to marry her«
»You have made her an offer already then«
»No«
»She is a young lady with a will of her own I fancy Extremely well fitted
to make a rumpus She would know what she liked«
»She doesnt like you« said Grandcourt with the ghost of a smile
»Perfectly true« said Lush adding again in a markedly sneering tone
»However if you and she are devoted to each other that will be enough«
Grandcourt took no notice of this speech but sipped his coffee rose and
strolled out on the lawn all the dogs following him
Lush glanced after him a moment then resumed his cigar and lit it but
smoked slowly consulting his beard with inspecting eyes and fingers till he
finally stroked it with an air of having arrived at some conclusion and said
in a subdued voice
»Check old boy«
Lush being a man of some ability had not known Grandcourt for fifteen
years without learning what sort of measures were useless with him though what
sort might be useful remained often dubious In the beginning of his career he
held a fellowship and was near taking orders for the sake of a college living
but not being fond of that prospect accepted instead the office of travelling
companion to a marquess and afterwards to young Grandcourt who had lost his
father early and who found Lush so convenient that he had allowed him to become
prime minister in all his more personal affairs The habit of fifteen years had
made Grandcourt more and more in need of Lushs handiness and Lush more and
more in need of the lazy luxury to which his transactions on behalf of
Grandcourt made no interruption worth reckoning I cannot say that the same
lengthened habit had intensified Grandcourts want of respect for his companion
since that want had been absolute from the beginning but it had confirmed his
sense that he might kick Lush if he chose only he never did choose to kick any
animal because the act of kicking is a compromising attitude and a gentlemans
dogs should be kicked for him He only said things which might have exposed
himself to be kicked if his confidant had been a man of independent spirit But
what son of a vicar who has stinted his wife and daughters of calico in order to
send his male offspring to Oxford can keep an independent spirit when he is
bent on dining with high discrimination riding good horses living generally in
the most luxuriant honeyblossomed clover and all without working Mr Lush
had passed for a scholar once and had still a sense of scholarship when he was
not trying to remember much of it but the bachelors and other arts which
soften manners are a timehonoured preparation for sinecures and Lushs present
comfortable provision was as good as a sinecure in not requiring more than the
odour of departed learning He was not unconscious of being held kickable but
he preferred counting that estimate among the peculiarities of Grandcourts
character which made one of his incalculable moods or judgments as good as
another Since in his own opinion he had never done a bad action it did not
seem necessary to consider whether he should be likely to commit one if his love
of ease required it Lushs love of ease was well satisfied at present and if
his puddings were rolled towards him in the dust he took the inside bits and
found them relishing
This morning for example though he had encountered more annoyance than
usual he went to his private sittingroom and played a good hour on the
violoncello
Chapter XIII
»Philistia be thou glad of me«
Grandcourt having made up his mind to marry Miss Harleth showed a power of
adapting means to ends During the next fortnight there was hardly a day on
which by some arrangement or other he did not see her or prove by emphatic
attentions that she occupied his thoughts His cousin Mrs Torrington was now
doing the honours of his house so that Mrs Davilow and Gwendolen could be
invited to a large party at Diplow in which there were many witnesses how the
host distinguished the dowerless beauty and showed no solicitude about the
heiress The world I mean Mr Gascoigne and all the families worth speaking of
within visiting distance of Pennicote felt an assurance on the subject which
in the Rectors mind converted itself into a resolution to do his duty by his
niece and see that the settlements were adequate Indeed the wonder to him and
Mrs Davilow was that the offer for which so many suitable occasions presented
themselves had not been already made and in this wonder Grandcourt himself was
not without a share When he had told his resolution to Lush he had thought that
the affair would be concluded more quickly and to his own surprise he had
repeatedly promised himself in a morning that he would today give Gwendolen the
opportunity of accepting him and had found in the evening that the necessary
formality was still unaccomplished This remarkable fact served to heighten his
determination on another day He had never admitted to himself that Gwendolen
might refuse him but heaven help us all we are often unable to act on our
certainties our objection to a contrary issue were it possible is so strong
that it rises like a spectral illusion between us and our certainty we are
rationally sure that the blindworm cannot bite us mortally but it would be so
intolerable to be bitten and the creature has a biting look we decline to
handle it
He had asked leave to have a beautiful horse of his brought for Gwendolen to
ride Mrs Davilow was to accompany her in the carriage and they were to go to
Diplow to lunch Grandcourt conducting them It was a fine midharvest time not
too warm for a noonday ride of five miles to be delightful the poppies glowed
on the borders of the fields there was enough breeze to move gently like a
social spirit among the ears of uncut corn and to wing the shadow of a cloud
across the soft grey downs here the sheaves were standing there the horses
were straining their muscles under the last load from a wide space of stubble
but everywhere the green pastures made a broader setting for the cornfields
and the cattle took their rest under wide branches The road lay through a bit
of country where the dairyfarms looked much as they did in the days of our
forefathers where peace and permanence seemed to find a home away from the
busy change that sent the railway train flying in the distance
But the spirit of peace and permanence did not penetrate poor Mrs Davilows
mind so as to overcome her habit of uneasy foreboding Gwendolen and Grandcourt
cantering in front of her and then slackening their pace to a conversational
walk till the carriage came up with them again made a gratifying sight but it
served chiefly to keep up the conflict of hopes and fears about her daughters
lot Here was an irresistible opportunity for a lover to speak and put an end to
all uncertainties and Mrs Davilow could only hope with trembling that
Gwendolens decision would be favourable Certainly if Rexs love had been
repugnant to her Mr Grandcourt had the advantage of being in complete contrast
with Rex and that he had produced some quite novel impression on her seemed
evident in her marked abstinence from satirical observations nay her total
silence about his characteristics a silence which Mrs Davilow did not dare to
break »Is he a man she would be happy with« was a question that inevitably
arose in the mothers mind »Well perhaps as happy as she would be with any one
else or as most other women are« was the answer with which she tried to
quiet herself for she could not imagine Gwendolen under the influence of any
feeling which would make her satisfied in what we traditionally call »mean
circumstances«
Grandcourts own thought was looking in the same direction he wanted to
have done with the uncertainty that belonged to his not having spoken As to any
further uncertainty well it was something without any reasonable basis some
quality in the air which acted as an irritant to his wishes
Gwendolen enjoyed the riding but her pleasure did not break forth in
girlish unpremeditated chat and laughter as it did on that morning with Rex She
spoke a little and even laughed but with a lightness as of a faroff echo for
her too there was some peculiar quality in the air not she was sure any
subjugation of her will by Mr Grandcourt and the splendid prospects he meant
to offer her for Gwendolen desired every one that dignified gentleman himself
included to understand that she was going to do just as she liked and that
they had better not calculate on her pleasing them If she chose to take this
husband she would have him know that she was not going to renounce her freedom
or according to her favourite formula »not going to do as other women did«
Grandcourts speeches this morning were as usual all of that brief sort
which never fails to make a conversational figure when the speaker is held
important in his circle Stopping so soon they give signs of a suppressed and
formidable ability to say more and have also the meritorious quality of
allowing lengthiness to others
»How do you like Criterions paces« he said after they had entered the
park and were slackening from a canter to a walk
»He is delightful to ride I should like to have a leap with him if it
would not frighten mamma There was a good wide channel we passed five minutes
ago I should like to have a gallop back and take it«
»Pray do We can take it together«
»No thanks Mamma is so timid if she saw me it might make her ill«
»Let me go and explain Criterion would take it without fail«
»No indeed you are very kind but it would alarm her too much I dare
take any leap when she is not by but I do it and dont tell her about it«
»We can let the carriage pass and then set off«
»No no pray dont think of it any more I spoke quite randomly« said
Gwendolen she began to feel a new objection to carrying out her own
proposition
»But Mrs Davilow knows I shall take care of you«
»Yes but she would think of you as having to take care of my broken neck«
There was a considerable pause before Grandcourt said looking towards her
»I should like to have the right always to take care of you«
Gwendolen did not turn her eyes on him it seemed to her a long while that
she was first blushing and then turning pale but to Grandcourts rate of
judgment she answered soon enough with the lightest flutetone and a careless
movement of the head »Oh I am not sure that I want to be taken care of if I
chose to risk breaking my neck I should like to be at liberty to do it«
She checked her horse as she spoke and turned in her saddle looking
towards the advancing carriage Her eyes swept across Grandcourt as she made
this movement but there was no language in them to correct the carelessness of
her reply At that very moment she was aware that she was risking something
not her neck but the possibility of finally checking Grandcourts advances and
she did not feel contented with the possibility
»Damn her« thought Grandcourt as he too checked his horse He was not a
wordy thinker and this explosive phrase stood for mixed impressions which
eloquent interpreters might have expanded into some sentences full of an
irritated sense that he was being mystified and a determination that this girl
should not make a fool of him Did she want him to throw himself at her feet and
declare that he was dying for her It was not by that gate that she would enter
on the privileges he could give her Or did she expect him to write his
proposals Equally a delusion He would not make his offer in any way that could
place him definitely in the position of being rejected But as to her accepting
him she had done it already in accepting his marked attentions and anything
which happened to break them off would be understood to her disadvantage She
was merely coquetting then
However the carriage came up and no further têteàtête could well occur
before their arrival at the house where there was abundant company to whom
Gwendolen clad in ridingdress with her hat laid aside clad also in the
repute of being chosen by Mr Grandcourt was naturally a centre of observation
and since the objectionable Mr Lush was not there to look at her this stimulus
of admiring attention heightened her spirits and dispersed for the time the
uneasy consciousness of divided impulses which threatened her with repentance of
her own acts Whether Grandcourt had been offended or not there was no judging
his manners were unchanged but Gwendolens acuteness had not gone deeper than
to discern that his manners were no clue for her and because these were
unchanged she was not the less afraid of him
She had not been at Diplow before except to dine and since certain points
of view from the windows and the garden were worth showing Lady Flora Hollis
proposed after luncheon when some of the guests had dispersed and the sun was
sloping towards four oclock that the remaining party should make a little
exploration Here came frequent opportunities when Grandcourt might have
retained Gwendolen apart and have spoken to her unheard But no He indeed
spoke to no one else but what he said was nothing more eager or intimate than
it had been in their first interview He looked at her not less than usual and
some of her defiant spirit having come back she looked full at him in return
not caring rather preferring that his eyes had no expression in them
But at last it seemed as if he entertained some contrivance After they had
nearly made the tour of the grounds the whole party paused by the pool to be
amused with Fetchs accomplishment of bringing a waterlily to the bank like
Cowpers spaniel Beau and having been disappointed in his first attempt
insisted on his trying again
Here Grandcourt who stood with Gwendolen outside the group turned
deliberately and fixing his eyes on a knoll planted with American shrubs and
having a winding path up it said languidly
»This is a bore Shall we go up there«
»Oh certainly since we are exploring« said Gwendolen She was rather
pleased and yet afraid
The path was too narrow for him to offer his arm and they walked up in
silence When they were on the bit of platform at the summit Grandcourt said
»There is nothing to be seen here the thing was not worth climbing«
How was it that Gwendolen did not laugh She was perfectly silent holding
up the folds of her robe like a statue and giving a harder grasp to the handle
of her whip which she had snatched up automatically with her hat when they had
first set off
»What sort of place do you like« said Grandcourt
»Different places are agreeable in their way On the whole I think I
prefer places that are open and cheerful I am not fond of anything sombre«
»Your place at Offendene is too sombre«
»It is rather«
»You will not remain there long I hope«
»Oh yes I think so Mamma likes to be near her sister«
Silence for a short space
»It is not to be supposed that you will always live there though Mrs
Davilow may«
»I dont know We women cant go in search of adventures to find out the
NorthWest Passage or the source of the Nile or to hunt tigers in the East We
must stay where we grow or where the gardeners like to transplant us We are
brought up like the flowers to look as pretty as we can and be dull without
complaining That is my notion about the plants they are often bored and that
is the reason why some of them have got poisonous What do you think« Gwendolen
had run on rather nervously lightly whipping the rhododendron bush in front of
her
»I quite agree Most things are bores« said Grandcourt his mind having
been pushed into an easy current away from its intended track But after a
moments pause he continued in his broken refined drawl
»But a woman can be married«
»Some women can«
»You certainly unless you are obstinately cruel«
»I am not sure that I am not both cruel and obstinate« Here Gwendolen
suddenly turned her head and looked full at Grandcourt whose eyes she had felt
to be upon her throughout their conversation She was wondering what the effect
of looking at him would be on herself rather than on him
He stood perfectly still half a yard or more away from her and it flashed
through her thought that a sort of lotoseaters stupor had begun in him and was
taking possession of her Then he said
»Are you as uncertain about yourself as you make others about you«
»I am quite uncertain about myself I dont know how uncertain others may
be«
»And you wish them to understand that you dont care« said Grandcourt with
a touch of new hardness in his tone
»I did not say that« Gwendolen replied hesitatingly and turning her eyes
away whipped the rhododendron bush again She wished she were on horseback that
she might set off on a canter It was impossible to set off running down the
knoll
»You do care then« said Grandcourt not more quickly but with a softened
drawl
»Ha my whip« said Gwendolen in a little scream of distress She had let
it go what could be more natural in a slight agitation and but this
seemed less natural in a goldhandled whip which had been left altogether to
itself it had gone with some force over the immediate shrubs and had lodged
itself in the branches of an azalea halfway down the knoll She could run down
now laughing prettily and Grandcourt was obliged to follow but she was
beforehand with him in rescuing the whip and continued on her way to the level
ground when she paused and looked at Grandcourt with an exasperating brightness
in her glance and a heightened colour as if she had carried a triumph and
these indications were still noticeable to Mrs Davilow when Gwendolen and
Grandcourt joined the rest of the party
»It is all coquetting« thought Grandcourt »the next time I beckon she will
come down«
It seemed to him likely that this final beckoning might happen the very next
day when there was to be a picnic archery meeting in Cardell Chase according
to the plan projected on the evening of the ball
Even in Gwendolens mind that result was one of two likelihoods that
presented themselves alternately one of two decisions towards which she was
being precipitated as if they were two sides of a boundaryline and she did
not know on which she should fall This subjection to a possible self a self
not to be absolutely predicted about caused her some astonishment and terror
her favourite key of life doing as she liked seemed to fail her and she
could not foresee what at a given moment she might like to do The prospect of
marrying Grandcourt really seemed more attractive to her than she had believed
beforehand that any marriage could be the dignities the luxuries the power of
doing a great deal of what she liked to do which had now come close to her and
within her choice to secure or to lose took hold of her nature as if it had
been the strong odour of what she had only imagined and longed for before And
Grandcourt himself He seemed as little of a flaw in his fortunes as a lover and
husband could possibly be Gwendolen wished to mount the chariot and drive the
plunging horses herself with a spouse by her side who would fold his arms and
give her his countenance without looking ridiculous Certainly with all her
perspicacity and all the reading which seemed to her mamma dangerously
instructive her judgment was consciously a little at fault before Grandcourt
He was adorably quiet and free from absurdities he would be a husband to suit
with the best appearance a woman could make But what else was he He had been
everywhere and seen everything That was desirable and especially gratifying
as a preamble to his supreme preference for Gwendolen Harleth He did not appear
to enjoy anything much That was not necessary and the less he had of
particular tastes or desires the more freedom his wife was likely to have in
following hers Gwendolen conceived that after marriage she would most probably
be able to manage him thoroughly
How was it that he caused her unusual constraint now that she was less
daring and playful in her talk with him than with any other admirer she had
known That absence of demonstrativeness which she was glad of acted as a charm
in more senses than one and was slightly benumbing Grandcourt after all was
formidable a handsome lizard of a hitherto unknown species not of the lively
darting kind But Gwendolen knew hardly any thing about lizards and ignorance
gives one a large range of probabilities This splendid specimen was probably
gentle suitable as a boudoir pet what may not a lizard be if you know nothing
to the contrary Her acquaintance with Grandcourt was such that no
accomplishment suddenly revealed in him would have surprised her And he was so
little suggestive of drama that it hardly occurred to her to think with any
detail how his life of thirtysix years had been passed in general she
imagined him always cold and dignified not likely ever to have committed
himself He had hunted the tiger had he ever been in love or made love The
one experience and the other seemed alike remote in Gwendolens fancy from the
Mr Grandcourt who had come to Diplow in order apparently to make a chief epoch
in her destiny perhaps by introducing her to that state of marriage which she
had resolved to make a state of greater freedom than her girlhood And on the
whole she wished to marry him he suited her purpose her prevailing deliberate
intention was to accept him
But was she going to fulfil her deliberate intention She began to be afraid
of herself and to find out a certain difficulty in doing as she liked Already
her assertion of independence in evading his advances had been carried farther
than was necessary and she was thinking with some anxiety what she might do on
the next occasion
Seated according to her habit with her back to the horses on their drive
homewards she was completely under the observation of her mamma who took the
excitement and changefulness in the expression of her eyes her unwonted absence
of mind and total silence as unmistakeable signs that something unprecedented
had occurred between her and Grandcourt Mrs Davilows uneasiness determined
her to risk some speech on the subject the Gascoignes were to dine at
Offendene and in what had occurred this morning there might be some reason for
consulting the Rector not that she expected him any more than herself to
influence Gwendolen but that her anxious mind wanted to be disburthened
»Something has happened dear« she began in a tender tone of question
Gwendolen looked round and seeming to be roused to the consciousness of her
physical self took off her gloves and then her hat that the soft breeze might
blow on her head They were in a retired bit of the road where the long
afternoon shadows from the bordering trees fell across it and no observers were
within sight Her eyes continued to meet her mothers but she did not speak
»Mr Grandcourt has been saying something Tell me dear« The last words
were uttered beseechingly
»What am I to tell you mamma« was the perverse answer
»I am sure something has agitated you You ought to confide in me Gwen You
ought not to leave me in doubt and anxiety« Mrs Davilows eyes filled with
tears
»Mamma dear please dont be miserable« said Gwendolen with pettish
remonstrance »It only makes me more so I am in doubt myself«
»About Mr Grandcourts intentions« said Mrs Davilow gathering
determination from her alarms
»No not at all« said Gwendolen with some curtness and a pretty little
toss of the head as she put on her hat again
»About whether you will accept him then«
»Precisely«
»Have you given him a doubtful answer«
»I have given him no answer at all«
»He has spoken so that you could not misunderstand him«
»As far as I would let him speak«
»You expect him to persevere« Mrs Davilow put this question rather
anxiously and receiving no answer asked another »You dont consider that you
have discouraged him«
»I daresay not«
»I thought you liked him dear« said Mrs Davilow timidly
»So I do mamma as liking goes There is less to dislike about him than
about most men He is quiet and distingué« Gwendolen so far spoke with a
pouting sort of gravity but suddenly she recovered some of her mischievousness
and her face broke into a smile as she added »Indeed he has all the qualities
that would make a husband tolerable battlement veranda stables ampc no
grins and no glass in his eye«
»Do be serious with me for a moment dear Am I to understand that you mean
to accept him«
»Oh pray mamma leave me to myself« said Gwendolen with a pettish
distress in her voice
And Mrs Davilow said no more
When they got home Gwendolen declared that she would not dine She was
tired and would come down in the evening after she had taken some rest The
probability that her uncle would hear what had passed did not trouble her She
was convinced that whatever he might say would be on the side of her accepting
Grandcourt and she wished to accept him if she could At this moment she would
willingly have had weights hung on her own caprice
Mr Gascoigne did hear not Gwendolens answers repeated verbatim but a
softened generalised account of them The mother conveyed as vaguely as the keen
Rectors questions would let her the impression that Gwendolen was in some
uncertainty about her own mind but inclined on the whole to acceptance The
result was that the uncle felt himself called on to interfere he did not
conceive that he should do his duty in withholding direction from his niece in a
momentous crisis of this kind Mrs Davilow ventured a hesitating opinion that
perhaps it would be safer to say nothing Gwendolen was so sensitive she did
not like to say wilful But the Rectors was a firm mind grasping its first
judgments tenaciously and acting on them promptly whence counterjudgments were
no more for him than shadows fleeting across the solid ground to which he
adjusted himself
This match with Grandcourt presented itself to him as a sort of public
affair perhaps there were ways in which it might even strengthen the
Establishment To the Rector whose father nobody would have suspected it and
nobody was told had risen to be a provincial corndealer aristocratic heirship
resembled regal heirship in excepting its possessor from the ordinary standard
of moral judgments Grandcourt the almost certain baronet the probable peer
was to be ranged with public personages and was a match to be accepted on broad
general grounds national and ecclesiastical Such public personages it is true
are often in the nature of giants which an ancient community may have felt pride
and safety in possessing though regarded privately these born eminences must
often have been inconvenient and even noisome But of the future husband
personally Mr Gascoigne was disposed to think the best Gossip is a sort of
smoke that comes from the dirty tobaccopipes of those who diffuse it it proves
nothing but the bad taste of the smoker But if Grandcourt had really made any
deeper or more unfortunate experiments in folly than were common in young men of
high prospects he was of an age to have finished them All accounts can be
suitably wound up when a man has not ruined himself and the expense may be
taken as an insurance against future error This was the view of practical
wisdom with reference to higher views repentance had a supreme moral and
religious value There was every reason to believe that a woman of
wellregulated mind would be happy with Grandcourt
It was no surprise to Gwendolen on coming down to tea to be told that her
uncle wished to see her in the diningroom He threw aside the paper as she
entered and greeted her with his usual kindness As his wife had remarked he
always »made much« of Gwendolen and her importance had risen of late »My
dear« he said in a fatherly way moving a chair for her as he held her hand
»I want to speak to you on a subject which is more momentous than any other with
regard to your welfare You will guess what I mean But I shall speak to you
with perfect directness in such matters I consider myself bound to act as your
father You have no objection I hope«
»Oh dear no uncle You have always been very kind to me« said Gwendolen
frankly This evening she was willing if it were possible to be a little
fortified against her troublesome self and her resistant temper was in
abeyance The Rectors mode of speech always conveyed a thrill of authority as
of a word of command it seemed to take for granted that there could be no
wavering in the audience and that every one was going to be rationally
obedient
»It is naturally a satisfaction to me that the prospect of a marriage for
you advantageous in the highest degree has presented itself so early I do
not know exactly what has passed between you and Mr Grandcourt but I presume
there can be little doubt from the way in which he has distinguished you that
he desires to make you his wife«
Gwendolen did not speak immediately and her uncle said with more emphasis
»Have you any doubt of that yourself my dear«
»I suppose that is what he has been thinking of But he may have changed his
mind tomorrow« said Gwendolen
»Why tomorrow Has he made advances which you have discouraged«
»I think he meant he began to make advances but I did not encourage
them I turned the conversation«
»Will you confide in me so far as to tell me your reasons«
»I am not sure that I had any reasons uncle« Gwendolen laughed rather
artificially
»You are quite capable of reflecting Gwendolen You are aware that this is
not a trivial occasion and it concerns your establishment for life under
circumstances which may not occur again You have a duty here both to yourself
and your family I wish to understand whether you have any ground for hesitating
as to your acceptance of Mr Grandcourt«
»I suppose I hesitate without grounds« Gwendolen spoke rather poutingly
and her uncle grew suspicious
»Is he disagreeable to you personally«
»No«
»Have you heard anything of him which has affected you disagreeably« The
Rector thought it impossible that Gwendolen could have heard the gossip he had
heard but in any case he must endeavour to put all things in the right light
for her
»I have heard nothing about him except that he is a great match« said
Gwendolen with some sauciness »and that affects me very agreeably«
»Then my dear Gwendolen I have nothing further to say than this you hold
your fortune in your own hands a fortune such as rarely happens to a girl in
your circumstances a fortune in fact which almost takes the question out of
the range of mere personal feeling and makes your acceptance of it a duty If
Providence offers you power and position especially when unclogged by any
conditions that are repugnant to you your course is one of responsibility
into which caprice must not enter A man does not like to have his attachment
trifled with he may not be at once repelled these things are matters of
individual disposition But the trifling may be carried too far And I must
point out to you that in case Mr Grandcourt were repelled without your having
refused him without your having intended ultimately to refuse him your
situation would be a humiliating and painful one I for my part should regard
you with severe disapprobation as the victim of nothing else than your own
coquetry and folly«
Gwendolen became pallid as she listened to this admonitory speech The ideas
it raised had the force of sensations Her resistant courage would not help her
here because her uncle was not urging her against her own resolve he was
pressing upon her the motives of dread which she already felt he was making her
more conscious of the risks that lay within herself She was silent and the
Rector observed that he had produced some strong effect
»I mean this in kindness my dear« His tone had softened
»I am aware of that uncle« said Gwendolen rising and shaking her head
back as if to rouse herself out of painful passivity »I am not foolish I know
that I must be married some time before it is too late And I dont see how I
could do better than marry Mr Grandcourt I mean to accept him if possible«
She felt as if she were reinforcing herself by speaking with this decisiveness
to her uncle
But the Rector was a little startled by so bare a version of his own meaning
from those young lips He wished that in her mind his advice should be taken in
an infusion of sentiments proper to a girl and such as are presupposed in the
advice of a clergyman although he may not consider them always appropriate to
be put forward He wished his niece parks carriages a title everything that
would make this world a pleasant abode but he wished her not to be cynical to
be on the contrary religiously dutiful and have warm domestic affections
»My dear Gwendolen« he said rising also and speaking with benignant
gravity »I trust that you will find in marriage a new fountain of duty and
affection Marriage is the only true and satisfactory sphere of a woman and if
your marriage with Mr Grandcourt should be happily decided upon you will have
probably an increasing power both of rank and wealth which may be used for the
benefit of others These considerations are something higher than romance You
are fitted by natural gifts for a position which considering your birth and
early prospects could hardly be looked forward to as in the ordinary course of
things and I trust that you will grace it not only by those personal gifts but
by a good and consistent life«
»I hope mamma will be the happier« said Gwendolen in a more cheerful way
lifting her hands backward to her neck and moving towards the door She wanted
to waive those higher considerations
Mr Gascoigne felt that he had come to a satisfactory understanding with his
niece and had furthered her happy settlement in life by furthering her
engagement to Grandcourt Meanwhile there was another person to whom the
contemplation of that issue had been a motive for some activity and who
believed that he too on this particular day had done something towards bringing
about a favourable decision in his sense which happened to be the reverse of
the Rectors
Mr Lushs absence from Diplow during Gwendolens visit had been due not to
any fear on his part of meeting that supercilious young lady or of being
abashed by her frank dislike but to an engagement from which he expected
important consequences He was gone in fact to the Wanchester Station to meet a
lady accompanied by a maid and two children whom he put into a fly and
afterwards followed to the hotel of the Golden Keys in that town An impressive
woman whom many would turn to look at again in passing her figure was slim and
sufficiently tall her face rather emaciated so that its sculpturesque beauty
was the more pronounced her crisp hair perfectly black and her large anxious
eyes also what we call black Her dress was soberly correct her age perhaps
physically more advanced than the number of years would imply but hardly less
than sevenandthirty An uneasylooking woman her glance seemed to presuppose
that people and things were going to be unfavourable to her while she was
nevertheless ready to meet them with resolution The children were lovely a
darkhaired girl of six or more a fairer boy of five When Lush incautiously
expressed some surprise at her having brought the children she said with a
sharpedged intonation
»Did you suppose I should come wandering about here by myself Why should I
not bring all four if I liked«
»Oh certainly« said Lush with his usual fluent nonchalance
He stayed an hour or so in conference with her and rode back to Diplow in a
state of mind that was at once hopeful and busily anxious as to the execution of
the little plan on which his hopefulness was based Grandcourts marriage to
Gwendolen Harleth would not he believed be much of a good to either of them
and it would plainly be fraught with disagreeables to himself But now he felt
confident enough to say inwardly »I will take nay I will lay odds that the
marriage will never happen«
Chapter XIV
I will not clothe myself in wreck wear gems
Sawed from cramped fingerbones of women drowned
Feel chilly vaporous hands of ireful ghosts
Clutching my necklace trick my maiden breast
With orphans heritage Let your dead love
Marry its dead
Gwendolen looked lovely and vigorous as a tall newlyopened lily the next
morning there was a reaction of young energy in her and yesterdays
selfdistrust seemed no more than the transient shiver on the surface of a full
stream The roving archery match in Cardell Chase was a delightful prospect for
the sports sake she felt herself beforehand moving about like a woodnymph
under the beeches in appreciative company and the imagined scene lent a charm
to further advances on the part of Grandcourt not an impassioned lyrical
Daphnis for the woodnymph certainly but so much the better Today Gwendolen
foresaw him making slow conversational approaches to a declaration and foresaw
herself awaiting and encouraging it according to the rational conclusion which
she had expressed to her uncle
When she came down to breakfast after every one had left the table except
Mrs Davilow there were letters on her plate One of them she read with a
gathering smile and then handed it to her mamma who on returning it smiled
also finding new cheerfulness in the good spirits her daughter had shown ever
since waking and said
»You dont feel inclined to go a thousand miles away«
»Not exactly so far«
»It was a sad omission not to have written again before this Cant you
write now before we set out this morning«
»It is not so pressing Tomorrow will do You see they leave town today I
must write to Dover They will be there till Monday«
»Shall I write for you dear if it teases you«
Gwendolen did not speak immediately but after sipping her coffee answered
brusquely »Oh no let it be I will write tomorrow« Then feeling a touch of
compunction she looked up and said with playful tenderness »Dear old
beautiful mamma«
»Old child truly«
»Please dont mamma I meant old for darling You are hardly twentyfive
years older than I am When you talk in that way my life shrivels up before me«
»One can have a great deal of happiness in twentyfive years my dear«
»I must lose no time in beginning« said Gwendolen merrily »The sooner I
get my palaces and coaches the better«
»And a good husband who adores you Gwen« said Mrs Davilow encouragingly
Gwendolen put out her lips saucily and said nothing
It was a slight drawback on her pleasure in starting that the Rector was
detained by magistrates business and would probably not be able to get to
Cardell Chase at all that day She cared little that Mrs Gascoigne and Anna
chose not to go without him but her uncles presence would have seemed to make
it a matter of course that the decision taken would be acted on For decision in
itself began to be formidable Having come close to accepting Grandcourt
Gwendolen felt this lot of unhopedfor fulness rounding itself too definitely
when we take to wishing a great deal for ourselves whatever we get soon turns
into mere limitation and exclusion Still there was the reassuring thought that
marriage would be the gate into a larger freedom
The place of meeting was a grassy spot called Green Arbour where a bit of
hanging wood made a sheltering amphitheatre It was here that the coachful of
servants with provisions had to prepare the picnic meal and the warden of the
Chase was to guide the roving archers so as to keep them within the due distance
from this centre and hinder them from wandering beyond the limit which had been
fixed on a curve that might be drawn through certain wellknown points such
as the Double Oak the Whispering Stones and the High Cross The plan was to
take only a preliminary stroll before luncheon keeping the main roving
expedition for the more exquisite lights of the afternoon The muster was rapid
enough to save every one from dull moments of waiting and when the groups began
to scatter themselves through the light and shadow made here by closely
neighbouring beeches and there by rarer oaks one may suppose that a painter
would have been glad to look on This roving archery was far prettier than the
stationary game but success in shooting at variable marks was less favoured by
practice and the hits were distributed among the volunteer archers otherwise
than they would have been in targetshooting From this cause perhaps as well
as from the twofold distraction of being preoccupied and wishing not to betray
her preoccupation Gwendolen did not greatly distinguish herself in these first
experiments unless it were by the lively grace with which she took her
comparative failure She was in her white and green as on the day of the former
archery meeting when it made an epoch for her that she was introduced to
Grandcourt he was continually by her side now yet it would have been hard to
tell from mere looks and manners that their relation to each other had at all
changed since their first conversation Still there were other grounds that made
most persons conclude them to be if not engaged already on the eve of being
so And she believed this herself As they were all returning towards Green
Arbour in divergent groups not thinking at all of taking aim but merely
chattering words passed which seemed really the beginning of that end the
beginning of her acceptance Grandcourt said »Do you know how long it is since
I first saw you in this dress«
»The archery meeting was on the 25th and this is the 13th« said Gwendolen
laughingly »I am not good at calculating but I will venture to say that it
must be nearly three weeks«
A little pause and then he said »That is a great loss of time«
»That your knowing me has caused you Pray dont be uncomplimentary I dont
like it«
Pause again »It is because of the gain that I feel the loss«
Here Gwendolen herself left a pause She was thinking »He is really very
ingenious He never speaks stupidly« Her silence was so unusual that it seemed
the strongest of favourable answers and he continued
»The gain of knowing you makes me feel the time I lose in uncertainty Do
you like uncertainty«
»I think I do rather« said Gwendolen suddenly beaming on him with a
playful smile »There is more in it«
Grandcourt met her laughing eyes with a slow steady look right into them
which seemed like vision in the abstract and said »Do you mean more torment
for me«
There was something so strange to Gwendolen in this moment that she was
quite shaken out of her usual selfconsciousness Blushing and turning away her
eyes she said »No that would make me sorry«
Grandcourt would have followed up this answer which the change in her
manner made apparently decisive of her favourable intention but he was not in
any way overcome so as to be unaware that they were now within sight of
everybody descending the slope into Green Arbour and descending it at an
illchosen point where it began to be inconveniently steep This was a reason
for offering his hand in the literal sense to help her she took it and they
came down in silence much observed by those already on the level among others
by Mrs Arrowpoint who happened to be standing with Mrs Davilow That lady had
now made up her mind that Grandcourts merits were not such as would have
induced Catherine to accept him Catherine having so high a standard as to have
refused Lord Slogan Hence she looked at the tenant of Diplow with dispassionate
eyes
»Mr Grandcourt is not equal as a man to his uncle Sir Hugo Mallinger too
languid To be sure Mr Grandcourt is a much younger man but I shouldnt
wonder if Sir Hugo were to outlive him notwithstanding the difference of years
It is ill calculating on successions« concluded Mrs Arrowpoint rather too
loudly
»It is indeed« said Mrs Davilow able to assent with quiet cheerfulness
for she was so well satisfied with the actual situation of affairs that her
habitual melancholy in their general unsatisfactoriness was altogether in
abeyance
I am not concerned to tell of the food that was eaten in that green
refectory or even to dwell on the glories of the forest scenery that spread
themselves out beyond the level front of the hollow being just now bound to
tell a story of life at a stage when the blissful beauty of earth and sky
entered only by narrow and oblique inlets into the consciousness which was busy
with a small social drama almost as little penetrated by a feeling of wider
relations as if it had been a puppetshow It will be understood that the food
and champagne were of the best the talk and laughter too in the sense of
belonging to the best society where no one makes an invidious display of
anything in particular and the advantages of the world are taken with that
highbred depreciation which follows from being accustomed to them Some of the
gentlemen strolled a little and indulged in a cigar there being a sufficient
interval before four oclock the time for beginning to rove again Among
these strange to say was Grandcourt but not Mr Lush who seemed to be taking
his pleasure quite generously today by making himself particularly serviceable
ordering everything for everybody and by this activity becoming more than ever
a blot on the scene to Gwendolen though he kept himself amiably aloof from her
and never even looked at her obviously When there was a general move to prepare
for starting it appeared that the bows had all been put under the charge of
Lord Brackenshaws valet and Mr Lush was concerned to save ladies the trouble
of fetching theirs from the carriage where they were propped He did not intend
to bring Gwendolens but she fearful lest he should do so hurried to fetch it
herself The valet seeing her approach met her with it and in giving it into
her hand gave also a letter addressed to her She asked no question about it
perceived at a glance that the address was in a ladys handwriting of the
delicate kind which used to be esteemed feminine before the present uncial
period and moving away with her bow in her hand saw Mr Lush coming to fetch
other bows To avoid meeting him she turned aside and walked with her back
towards the stand of carriages opening the letter It contained these words
»If Miss Harleth is in doubt whether she should accept Mr Grandcourt
let her break from her party after they have passed the Whispering
Stones and return to that spot She will then hear somethiny to decide
her but she can only hear it by keeping this letter a strict secret
from every one If she does not act according to this letter she will
repent as the woman who writes it has repented The secrecy Miss
Harleth will feel herself bound in honour to guard«
Gwendolen felt an inward shock but her immediate thought was »It is come in
time« It lay in her youthfulness that she was absorbed by the idea of the
revelation to be made and had not even a momentary suspicion of contrivance
that could justify her in showing the letter Her mind gathered itself up at
once into the resolution that she would manage to go unobserved to the
Whispering Stones and thrusting the letter into her pocket she turned back to
rejoin the company with that sense of having something to conceal which to her
nature had a bracing quality and helped her to be mistress of herself
It was a surprise to every one that Grandcourt was not like the other
smokers on the spot in time to set out roving with the rest »We shall alight on
him byandby« said Lord Brackenshaw »he cant be gone far« At any rate no
man could be waited for This apparent forgetfulness might be taken for the
distraction of a lover so absorbed in thinking of the beloved object as to
forget an appointment which would bring him into her actual presence And the
goodnatured Earl gave Gwendolen a distant jocose hint to that effect which she
took with suitable quietude But the thought in her own mind was »Can he too be
starting away from a decision« It was not exactly a pleasant thought to her
but it was near the truth »Starting away« however was not the right
expression for the languor of intention that came over Grandcourt like a fit of
diseased numbness when an end seemed within easy reach to desist then when
all expectation was to the contrary became another gratification of mere will
sublimely independent of definite motive At that moment he had begun a second
large cigar in a vague hazy obstinacy which if Lush or any other mortal who
might be insulted with impunity had interrupted by overtaking him with a request
for his return would have expressed itself by a slow removal of his cigar to
say in an undertone »Youll be kind enough to go to the devil will you«
But he was not interrupted and the rovers set off without any visible
depression of spirits leaving behind only a few of the less vigorous ladies
including Mrs Davilow who preferred a quiet stroll free from obligation to
keep up with others The enjoyment of the day was soon at its highest pitch the
archery getting more spirited and the changing scenes of the forest from roofed
grove to open glade growing lovelier with the lengthening shadows and the
deeply felt but undefinable gradations of the mellowing afternoon It was agreed
that they were playing an extemporised »As you like it« and when a pretty
compliment had been turned to Gwendolen about her having the part of Rosalind
she felt the more compelled to be surpassing in liveliness This was not very
difficult to her for the effect of what had happened today was an excitement
which needed a vent a sense of adventure rather than alarm and a straining
towards the management of her retreat so as not to be impeded
The roving had been lasting nearly an hour before the arrival at the
Whispering Stones two tall conical blocks that leaned towards each other like
gigantic greymantled figures They were soon surveyed and passed by with the
remark that they would be good ghosts on a starlit night But a soft sunlight
was on them now and Gwendolen felt daring The stones were near a fine grove of
beeches where the archers found plenty of marks
»How far are we from Green Arbour now« said Gwendolen having got in front
by the side of the warden
»Oh not more than half a mile taking along the avenue were going to cross
up there but I shall take round a couple of miles by the High Cross«
She was falling back among the rest when suddenly they seemed all to be
hurrying obliquely forward under the guidance of Mr Lush and lingering a
little where she was she perceived her opportunity of slipping away Soon she
was out of sight and without running she seemed to herself to fly along the
ground and count the moments nothing till she found herself back again at the
Whispering Stones They turned their blank grey sides to her what was there on
the other side If there were nothing after all That was her only dread now
to have to turn back again in mystification and walking round the righthand
stone without pause she found herself in front of some one whose large dark
eyes met hers at a foots distance In spite of expectation she was startled and
shrank back but in doing so she could take in the whole figure of this stranger
and perceive that she was unmistakeably a lady and one who must once have been
exceedingly handsome She perceived also that a few yards from her were two
children seated on the grass
»Miss Harleth« said the lady
»Yes« All Gwendolens consciousness was wonder
»Have you accepted Mr Grandcourt«
»No«
»I have promised to tell you something And you will promise to keep my
secret However you may decide you will not tell Mr Grandcourt or any one
else that you have seen me«
»I promise«
»My name is Lydia Glasher Mr Grandcourt ought not to marry any one but me
I left my husband and child for him nine years ago Those two children are his
and we have two others girls who are older My husband is dead now and Mr
Grandcourt ought to marry me He ought to make that boy his heir«
She looked towards the boy as she spoke and Gwendolens eyes followed hers
The handsome little fellow was puffing out his cheeks in trying to blow a tiny
trumpet which remained dumb His hat hung backward by a string and his brown
curls caught the sunrays He was a cherub
The two womens eyes met again and Gwendolen said proudly »I will not
interfere with your wishes« She looked as if she were shivering and her lips
were pale
»You are very attractive Miss Harleth But when he first knew me I too was
young Since then my life has been broken up and embittered It is not fair that
he should be happy and I miserable and my boy thrust out of sight for another«
These words were uttered with a biting accent but with a determined
abstinence from anything violent in tone or manner Gwendolen watching Mrs
Glashers face while she spoke felt a sort of terror it was as if some ghastly
vision had come to her in a dream and said »I am a womans life«
»Have you anything more to say to me« she asked in a low tone but still
proudly and coldly The revulsion within her was not tending to soften her
Every one seemed hateful
»Nothing You know what I wished you to know You can inquire about me if
you like My husband was Colonel Glasher«
»Then I will go« said Gwendolen moving away with a ceremonious
inclination which was returned with equal grace
In a few minutes Gwendolen was in the beech grove again but her party had
gone out of sight and apparently had not sent in search of her for all was
solitude till she had reached the avenue pointed out by the warden She
determined to take this way back to Green Arbour which she reached quickly
rapid movements seeming to her just now a means of suspending the thoughts which
might prevent her from behaving with due calm She had already made up her mind
what step she would take
Mrs Davilow was of course astonished to see Gwendolen returning alone and
was not without some uneasiness which the presence of other ladies hindered her
from showing In answer to her words of surprise Gwendolen said
»Oh I have been rather silly I lingered behind to look at the Whispering
Stones and the rest hurried on after something so I lost sight of them I
thought it best to come home by the short way the avenue that the warden had
told me of Im not sorry after all I had had enough walking«
»Your party did not meet Mr Grandcourt I presume« said Mrs Arrowpoint
not without intention
»No« said Gwendolen with a little flash of defiance and a light laugh
»And we didnt see any carvings on the trees either Where can he be I should
think he has fallen into the pool or had an apoplectic fit«
With all Gwendolens resolve not to betray any agitation she could not help
it that her tone was unusually high and hard and her mother felt sure that
something unpropitious had happened
Mrs Arrowpoint thought that the selfconfident young lady was much piqued
and that Mr Grandcourt was probably seeing reason to change his mind
»If you have no objection mamma I will order the carriage« said
Gwendolen »I am tired And every one will be going soon«
Mrs Davilow assented but by the time the carriage was announced as ready
the horses having to be fetched from the stables on the wardens premises the
roving party reappeared and with them Mr Grandcourt
»Ah there you are« said Lord Brackenshaw going up to Gwendolen who was
arranging her mammas shawl for the drive »We thought at first you had alighted
on Grandcourt and he had taken you home Lush said so But after that we met
Grandcourt However we didnt suppose you could be in any danger The warden
said he had told you a near way back«
»You are going« said Grandcourt coming up with his usual air as if he did
not conceive that there had been any omission on his part Lord Brackenshaw gave
place to him and moved away
»Yes we are going« said Gwendolen looking busily at her scarf which she
was arranging across her shoulders Scotch fashion
»May I call at Offendene tomorrow«
»Oh yes if you like« said Gwendolen sweeping him from a distance with her
eyelashes Her voice was light and sharp as the first touch of frost
Mrs Davilow accepted his arm to lead her to the carriage but while that
was happening Gwendolen with incredible swiftness had got in advance of them
and had sprung into the carriage
»I got in mamma because I wished to be on this side« she said
apologetically But she had avoided Grandcourts touch he only lifted his hat
and walked away with the not unsatisfactory impression that she meant to show
herself offended by his neglect
The mother and daughter drove for five minutes in silence Then Gwendolen
said »I intend to join the Langens at Dover mamma I shall pack up immediately
on getting home and set off by the early train I shall be at Dover almost as
soon as they are we can let them know by telegraph«
»Good heavens child what can be your reason for saying so«
»My reason for saying it mamma is that I mean to do it«
»But why do you mean to do it«
»I wish to go away«
»Is it because you are offended with Mr Grandcourts odd behaviour in
walking off today«
»It is useless to enter into such questions I am not going in any case to
marry Mr Grandcourt Dont interest yourself further about him«
»What can I say to your uncle Gwendolen Consider the position you place me
in You led him to believe only last night that you had made up your mind in
favour of Mr Grandcourt«
»I am very sorry to cause you annoyance mamma dear but I cant help it«
said Gwendolen with still harder resistance in her tone »Whatever you or my
uncle may think or do I shall not alter my resolve and I shall not tell my
reason I dont care what comes of it I dont care if I never marry any one
There is nothing worth caring for I believe all men are bad and I hate them«
»But need you set off in this way Gwendolen« said Mrs Davilow miserable
and helpless
»Now mamma dont interfere with me If you have ever had any trouble in
your own life remember it and dont interfere with me If I am to be miserable
let it be by my own choice«
The mother was reduced to trembling silence She began to see that the
difficulty would be lessened if Gwendolen went away
And she did go The packing was all carefully done that evening and not
long after dawn the next day Mrs Davilow accompanied her daughter to the
railway station The sweet dews of morning the cows and horses looking over the
hedges without any particular reason the early travellers on foot with their
bundles seemed all very melancholy and purposeless to them both The dingy
torpor of the railway station before the ticket could be taken was still
worse Gwendolen had certainly hardened in the last twentyfour hours her
mothers trouble evidently counted for little in her present state of mind
which did not essentially differ from the mood that makes men take to worse
conduct when their belief in persons or things is upset Gwendolens
uncontrolled reading though consisting chiefly in what are called pictures of
life had somehow not prepared her for this encounter with reality Is that
surprising It is to be believed that attendance at the opéra bouffe in the
present day would not leave mens minds entirely without shock if the manners
observed there with some applause were suddenly to start up in their own
families Perspective as its inventor remarked is a beautiful thing What
horrors of damp huts where human beings languish may not become picturesque
through aerial distance What hymning of cancerous vices may we not languish
over as sublimest art in the safe remoteness of a strange language and
artificial phrase Yet we keep a repugnance to rheumatism and other painful
effects when presented in our personal experience
Mrs Davilow felt Gwendolens new phase of indifference keenly and as she
drove back alone the brightening morning was sadder to her than before
Mr Grandcourt called that day at Offendene but nobody was at home
Chapter XV
»Festina lente celerity should
be contempered with cunctation«
Sir Thomas Browne
Gwendolen we have seen passed her time abroad in the new excitement of
gambling and in imagining herself an empress of luck having brought from her
late experience a vague impression that in this confused world it signified
nothing what any one did so that they amused themselves We have seen too
that certain persons mysteriously symbolised as Grapnell and Co having also
thought of reigning in the realm of luck and being also bent on amusing
themselves no matter how had brought about a painful change in her family
circumstances whence she had returned home carrying with her against her
inclination a necklace which she had pawned and some one else had redeemed
While she was going back to England Grandcourt was coming to find her
coming that is after his own manner not in haste by express straight from
Diplow to Leubronn where she was understood to be but so entirely without
hurry that he was induced by the presence of some Russian acquaintances to
linger at BadenBaden and make various appointments with them which however
his desire to be at Leubronn ultimately caused him to break Grandcourts
passions were of the intermittent flickering kind never flaming out strongly
But a great deal of life goes on without strong passion myriads of cravats are
carefully tied dinners attended even speeches made proposing the health of
august personages without the zest arising from a strong desire And a man may
make a good appearance in high social positions may be supposed to know the
classics to have his reserves on science a strong though repressed opinion on
politics and all the sentiments of the English gentleman at a small expense of
vital energy Also he may be obstinate or persistent at the same low rate and
may even show sudden impulses which have a false air of dæmonic strength because
they seem inexplicable though perhaps their secret lies merely in the want of
regulated channels for the soul to move in good and sufficient ducts of habit
without which our nature easily turns to mere ooze and mud and at any pressure
yields nothing but a spurt or a puddle
Grandcourt had not been altogether displeased by Gwendolens running away
from the splendid chance he was holding out to her The act had some piquancy
for him He liked to think that it was due to resentment of his careless
behaviour in Cardell Chase which when he came to consider it did appear
rather cool To have brought her so near a tender admission and then to have
walked headlong away from further opportunities of winning the consent which he
had made her understand him to be asking for was enough to provoke a girl of
spirit and to be worth his mastering it was proper that she should have some
spirit Doubtless she meant him to follow her and it was what he meant too But
for a whole week he took no measures towards starting and did not even inquire
where Miss Harleth was gone Mr Lush felt a triumph that was mingled with much
distrust for Grandcourt had said no word to him about her and looked as
neutral as an alligator there was no telling what might turn up in the
slowlychurning chances of his mind Still to have put off a decision was to
have made room for the waste of Grandcourts energy
The guests at Diplow felt more curiosity than their host How was it that
nothing more was heard of Miss Harleth Was it credible that she had refused Mr
Grandcourt Lady Flora Hollis a lively middleaged woman well endowed with
curiosity felt a sudden interest in making a round of calls with Mrs
Torrington including the Rectory Offendene and Quetcham and thus not only
got twice over but also discussed with the Arrowpoints the information that
Miss Harleth was gone to Leubronn with some old friends the Baron and Baroness
von Langen for the immediate agitation and disappointment of Mrs Davilow and
the Gascoignes had resolved itself into a wish that Gwendolens disappearance
should not be interpreted as anything eccentric or needful to be kept secret
The Rectors mind indeed entertained the possibility that the marriage was
only a little deferred for Mrs Davilow had not dared to tell him of the bitter
determination with which Gwendolen had spoken And in spite of his practical
ability some of his experience had petrified into maxims and quotations
Amaryllis fleeing desired that her hidingplace should be known and that love
will find out the way »over the mountain and over the wave« may be said without
hyperbole in this age of steam Gwendolen he conceived was an Amaryllis of
excellent sense but coquettish daring the question was whether she had dared
too much
Lady Flora coming back charged with news about Miss Harleth saw no good
reason why she should not try whether she could electrify Mr Grandcourt by
mentioning it to him at table and in doing so shot a few hints of a notion
having got abroad that he was a disappointed adorer Grandcourt heard with
quietude but with attention and the next day he ordered Lush to bring about a
decent reason for breaking up the party at Diplow by the end of another week as
he meant to go yachting to the Baltic or somewhere it being impossible to stay
at Diplow as if he were a prisoner on parole with a set of people whom he had
never wanted Lush needed no clearer announcement that Grandcourt was going to
Leubronn but he might go after the manner of a creeping billiardball and stick
on the way What Mr Lush intended was to make himself indispensable so that he
might go too and he succeeded Gwendolens repulsion for him being a fact that
only amused his patron and made him none the less willing to have Lush always
at hand
This was how it happened that Grandcourt arrived at the Czarina on the fifth
day after Gwendolen had left Leubronn and found there his uncle Sir Hugo
Mallinger with his family including Deronda It is not necessarily a pleasure
either to the reigning power or the heir presumptive when their separate affairs
a touch of gout say in the one and a touch of wilfulness in the other
happen to bring them to the same spot Sir Hugo was an easytempered man
tolerant both of differences and defects but a point of view different from his
own concerning the settlement of the family estates fretted him rather more than
if it had concerned Church discipline or the ballot and faults were the less
venial for belonging to a person whose existence was inconvenient to him In no
case could Grandcourt have been a nephew after his own heart but as the
presumptive heir to the Mallinger estates he was the sign and embodiment of a
chief grievance in the baronets life the want of a son to inherit the lands
in no portion of which had he himself more than a lifeinterest For in the
illadvised settlement which his father Sir Francis had chosen to make by
will even Diplow with its modicum of land had been left under the same
conditions as the ancient and wide inheritance of the two Toppings Diplow
where Sir Hugo had lived and hunted through many a season in his younger years
and where his wife and daughters ought to have been able to retire after his
death
This grievance had naturally gathered emphasis as the years advanced and
Lady Mallinger after having had three daughters in quick succession had
remained for eight years till now that she was over forty without producing so
much as another girl while Sir Hugo almost twenty years older was at a time
of life when notwithstanding the fashionable retardation of most things from
dinners to marriages a mans hopefulness is apt to show signs of wear until
restored by second childhood
In fact he had begun to despair of a son and this confirmation of
Grandcourts interest in the estates certainly tended to make his image and
presence the more unwelcome but on the other hand it carried circumstances
which disposed Sir Hugo to take care that the relation between them should be
kept as friendly as possible It led him to dwell on a plan which had grown up
side by side with his disappointment of an heir namely to try and secure
Diplow as a future residence for Lady Mallinger and her daughters and keep this
pretty bit of the family inheritance for his own offspring in spite of that
disappointment Such knowledge as he had of his nephews disposition and affairs
encouraged the belief that Grandcourt might consent to a transaction by which he
would get a good sum of ready money as an equivalent for his prospective
interest in the domain of Diplow and the moderate amount of land attached to it
If after all the unhopedfor son should be born the money would have been
thrown away and Grandcourt would have been paid for giving up interests that
had turned out good for nothing but Sir Hugo set down this risk as nil and of
late years he had husbanded his fortune so well by the working of mines and the
sale of leases that he was prepared for an outlay
Here was an object that made him careful to avoid any quarrel with
Grandcourt Some years before when he was making improvements at the Abbey and
needed Grandcourts concurrence in his felling an obstructive mass of timber on
the demesne he had congratulated himself on finding that there was no active
spite against him in his nephews peculiar mind and nothing had since occurred
to make them hate each other more than was compatible with perfect politeness
or with any accommodation that could be strictly mutual
Grandcourt on his side thought his uncle a superfluity and a bore and
felt that the list of things in general would be improved whenever Sir Hugo came
to be expunged But he had been made aware through Lush always a useful medium
of the baronets inclinations concerning Diplow and he was gratified to have
the alternative of the money in his mind even if he had not thought it in the
least likely that he would choose to accept it his sense of power would have
been flattered by his being able to refuse what Sir Hugo desired The hinted
transaction had told for something among the motives which had made him ask for
a years tenancy of Diplow which it had rather annoyed Sir Hugo to grant
because the excellent hunting in the neighbourhood might decide Grandcourt not
to part with his chance of future possession a man who has two places in one
of which the hunting is less good naturally desiring a third where it is
better Also Lush had thrown out to Sir Hugo the probability that Grandcourt
would woo and win Miss Arrowpoint and in that case ready money might be less of
a temptation to him Hence on this unexpected meeting at Leubronn the baronet
felt much curiosity to know how things had been going on at Diplow was bent on
being as civil as possible to his nephew and looked forward to some private
chat with Lush
Between Deronda and Grandcourt there was a more faintly marked but peculiar
relation depending on circumstances which have yet to be made known But on no
side was there any sign of suppressed chagrin on the first meeting at the table
dhôte an hour after Grandcourts arrival and when the quartette of gentlemen
afterwards met on the terrace without Lady Mallinger they moved off together
to saunter through the rooms Sir Hugo saying as they entered the large saal
»Did you play much at Baden Grandcourt«
»No I looked on and betted a little with some Russians there«
»Had you luck«
»What did I win Lush«
»You brought away about two hundred« said Lush
»You are not here for the sake of the play then« said Sir Hugo
»No I dont care about play now Its a confounded strain« said
Grandcourt whose diamond ring and demeanour as he moved along playing slightly
with his whisker were being a good deal stared at by rouged foreigners
interested in a new milord
»The fact is somebody should invent a mill to do amusements for you my
dear fellow« said Sir Hugo »as the Tartars get their praying done But I agree
with you I never cared for play Its monotonous knits the brain up into
meshes And it knocks me up to watch it now I suppose one gets poisoned with
the bad air I never stay here more than ten minutes But wheres your gambling
beauty Deronda Have you seen her lately«
»Shes gone« said Deronda curtly
»An uncommonly fine girl a perfect Diana« said Sir Hugo turning to
Grandcourt again »Really worth a little straining to look at her I saw her
winning and she took it as coolly as if she had known it all beforehand The
same day Deronda happened to see her losing like wildfire and she bore it with
immense pluck I suppose she was cleaned out or was wise enough to stop in
time How do you know shes gone«
»Oh by the Visitorlist« said Deronda with a scarcely perceptible shrug
»Vandernoodt told me her name was Harleth and she was with the Baron and
Baroness von Langen I saw by the list that Miss Harleth was no longer there«
This held no further information for Lush than that Gwendolen had been
gambling He had already looked at the list and ascertained that Gwendolen had
gone but he had no intention of thrusting this knowledge on Grandcourt before
he asked for it and he had not asked finding it enough to believe that the
object of search would turn up somewhere or other
But now Grandcourt had heard what was rather piquant and not a word about
Miss Harleth had been missed by him After a moments pause he said to Deronda
»Do you know those people the Langens«
»I have talked with them a little since Miss Harleth went away I knew
nothing of them before«
»Where is she gone do you know«
»She is gone home« said Deronda coldly as if he wished to say no more
But then from a fresh impulse he turned to look markedly at Grandcourt and
added »But it is possible you know her Her home is not far from Diplow
Offendene near Wanchester«
Deronda turning to look straight at Grandcourt who was on his left hand
might have been a subject for those old painters who liked contrasts of
temperament There was a calm intensity of life and richness of tint in his face
that on a sudden gaze from him was rather startling and often made him seem to
have spoken so that servants and officials asked him automatically »What did
you say sir« when he had been quite silent Grandcourt himself felt an
irritation which he did not show except by a slight movement of the eyelids at
Derondas turning round on him when he was not asked to do more than speak But
he answered with his usual drawl »Yes I know her« and paused with his
shoulder towards Deronda to look at the gambling
»What of her eh« asked Sir Hugo of Lush as the three moved on a little
way »She must be a newcomer at Offendene Old Blenny lived there after the
dowager died«
»A little too much of her« said Lush in a low significant tone not sorry
to let Sir Hugo know the state of affairs
»Why how« said the baronet They all moved out of the salon into a more
airy promenade
»He has been on the brink of marrying her« Lush went on »But I hope its
off now Shes a niece of the clergyman Gascoigne at Pennicote Her mother
is a widow with a brood of daughters This girl will have nothing and is as
dangerous as gunpowder It would be a foolish marriage But she has taken a
freak against him for she ran off here without notice when he had agreed to
call the next day The fact is hes here after her but he was in no great
hurry and between his caprice and hers they are likely enough not to get
together again But of course he has lost his chance with the heiress«
Grandcourt joining them said »What a beastly den this is a worse hole
than Baden I shall go back to the hotel«
When Sir Hugo and Deronda were alone the baronet began
»Rather a pretty story That girl has something in her She must be worth
running after has de limprévu I think her appearance on the scene has
bettered my chance of getting Diplow whether the marriage comes off or not«
»I should hope a marriage like that would not come off« said Deronda in a
tone of disgust
»What are you a little touched with the sublime lash« said Sir Hugo
putting up his glasses to help his short sight in looking at his companion »Are
you inclined to run after her«
»On the contrary« said Deronda »I should rather be inclined to run away
from her«
»Why you would easily cut out Grandcourt A girl with her spirit would
think you the finer match of the two« said Sir Hugo who often tried Derondas
patience by finding a joke in impossible advice A difference of taste in jokes
is a great strain on the affections
»I suppose pedigree and land belong to a fine match« said Deronda coldly
»The best horse will win in spite of pedigree my boy You remember
Napoleons mot Je suis un ancêtre« said Sir Hugo who habitually undervalued
birth as men after dining well often agree that the good of life is distributed
with wonderful equality
»I am not sure that I want to be an ancestor« said Deronda »It doesnt
seem to me the rarest sort of origination«
»You wont run after the pretty gambler then« said Sir Hugo putting down
his glasses
»Decidedly not«
This answer was perfectly truthful nevertheless it had passed through
Derondas mind that under other circumstances he should have given way to the
interest this girl had raised in him and tried to know more of her But his
history had given him a stronger bias in another direction He felt himself in
no sense free
Chapter XVI
Men like planets have both a visible and an invisible history The
astronomer threads the darkness with strict deduction accounting so
for every visible arc in the wanderers orbit and the narrator of
human actions if he did his work with the same completeness would
have to thread the hidden pathways of feeling and thought which lead
up to every moment of action and to those moments of intense
suffering which take the quality of action like the cry of
Prometheus whose chained anguish seems a greater energy than the
sea and sky he invokes and the deity he defies
Derondas circumstances indeed had been exceptional One moment had been burnt
into his life as its chief epoch a moment full of July sunshine and large pink
roses shedding their last petals on a grassy court enclosed on three sides by a
Gothic cloister Imagine him in such a scene a boy of thirteen stretched prone
on the grass where it was in shadow his curly head propped on his arms over a
book while his tutor also reading sat on a campstool under shelter Derondas
book was Sismondis History of the Italian Republics the lad had a passion
for history eager to know how time had been filled up since the Flood and how
things were carried on in the dull periods Suddenly he let down his left arm
and looked at his tutor saying in purest boyish tones
»Mr Fraser how was it that the popes and cardinals always had so many
nephews«
The tutor an able young Scotchman who acted as Sir Hugo Mallingers
secretary roused rather unwillingly from his political economy answered with
the clearcut emphatic chant which makes a truth doubly telling in Scotch
utterance
»Their own children were called nephews«
»Why« said Deronda
»It was just for the propriety of the thing because as you know very well
priests dont marry and the children were illegitimate«
Mr Fraser thrusting out his lower lip and making his chant of the last
word the more emphatic for a little impatience at being interrupted had already
turned his eyes on his book again while Deronda as if something had stung him
started up in a sitting attitude with his back to the tutor
He had always called Sir Hugo Mallinger his uncle and when it once occurred
to him to ask about his father and mother the baronet had answered »You lost
your father and mother when you were quite a little one that is why I take care
of you« Daniel then straining to discern something in that early twilight had
a dim sense of having been kissed very much and surrounded by thin cloudy
scented drapery till his fingers caught in something hard which hurt him and
he began to cry Every other memory he had was of the little world in which he
still lived And at that time he did not mind about learning more for he was
too fond of Sir Hugo to be sorry for the loss of unknown parents Life was very
delightful to the lad with an uncle who was always indulgent and cheerful a
fine man in the bright noon of life whom Daniel thought absolutely perfect and
whose place was one of the finest in England at once historical romantic and
homelike a picturesque architectural outgrowth from an abbey which had still
remnants of the old monastic trunk Diplow lay in another county and was a
comparatively landless place which had come into the family from a rich lawyer
on the female side who wore the perruque of the Restoration whereas the
Mallingers had the grant of Monks Topping under Henry the Eighth and ages
before had held the neighbouring lands of Kings Topping tracing indeed their
origin to a certain Hugues le Malingre who came in with the Conqueror and
also apparently with a sickly complexion which had been happily corrected in his
descendants Two rows of these descendants direct and collateral females of
the male line and males of the female looked down in the gallery over the
cloisters on the nephew Daniel as he walked there men in armour with pointed
beards and arched eyebrows pinched ladies in hoops and ruffs with no face to
speak of gravelooking men in black velvet and stuffed hips and fair
frightened women holding little boys by the hand smiling politicians in
magnificent perruques and ladies of the prizeanimal kind with rosebud mouths
and full eyelids according to Lely then a generation whose faces were revised
and embellished in the taste of Kneller and so on through refined editions of
the family types in the time of Reynolds and Romney till the line ended with
Sir Hugo and his younger brother Henleigh This last had married Miss
Grandcourt and taken her name along with her estates thus making a junction
between two equally old families impaling the three Saracens heads proper and
three bezants of the one with the tower and falcons argent of the other and as
it happened uniting their highest advantages in the prospects of that Henleigh
Mallinger Grandcourt who is at present more of an acquaintance to us than either
Sir Hugo or his nephew Daniel Deronda
In Sir Hugos youthful portrait with rolled collar and high cravat Sir
Thomas Lawrence had done justice to the agreeable alacrity of expression and
sanguine temperament still to be seen in the original but had done something
more than justice in slightly lengthening the nose which was in reality shorter
than might have been expected in a Mallinger Happily the appropriate nose of
the family reappeared in his younger brother and was to be seen in all its
refined regularity in his nephew Mallinger Grandcourt But in the nephew Daniel
Deronda the family faces of various types seen on the walls of the gallery
found no reflex Still he was handsomer than any of them and when he was
thirteen might have served as model for any painter who wanted to image the most
memorable of boys you could hardly have seen his face thoroughly meeting yours
without believing that human creatures had done nobly in times past and might
do more nobly in time to come The finest childlike faces have this consecrating
power and make us shudder anew at all the grossness and baselywrought griefs
of the world lest they should enter here and defile
But at this moment on the grass among the rosepetals Daniel Deronda was
making a first acquaintance with those griefs A new idea had entered his mind
and was beginning to change the aspect of his habitual feelings as happy
careless voyagers are changed when the sky suddenly threatens and the thought of
danger arises He sat perfectly still with his back to the tutor while his face
expressed rapid inward transition The deep blush which had come when he first
started up gradually subsided but his features kept that indescribable look of
subdued activity which often accompanies a new mental survey of familiar facts
He had not lived with other boys and his mind showed the same blending of
childs ignorance with surprising knowledge which is oftener seen in bright
girls Having read Shakespeare as well as a great deal of history he could have
talked with the wisdom of a bookish child about men who were born out of wedlock
and were held unfortunate in consequence being under disadvantages which
required them to be a sort of heroes if they were to work themselves up to an
equal standing with their legally born brothers But he had never brought such
knowledge into any association with his own lot which had been too easy for him
ever to think about it until this moment when there had darted into his mind
with the magic of quick comparison the possibility that here was the secret of
his own birth and that the man whom he called uncle was really his father Some
children even younger than Daniel have known the first arrival of care like
an ominous irremovable guest in their tender lives on the discovery that their
parents whom they had imagined able to buy everything were poor and in hard
money troubles Daniel felt the presence of a new guest who seemed to come with
an enigmatic veiled face and to carry dimlyconjectured dreaded revelations
The ardour which he had given to the imaginary world in his books suddenly
rushed towards his own history and spent its pictorial energy there explaining
what he knew representing the unknown The uncle whom he loved very dearly took
the aspect of a father who held secrets about him who had done him a wrong
yes a wrong and what had become of his mother from whom he must have been
taken away Secrets about which he Daniel could never inquire for to speak
or be spoken to about these new thoughts seemed like falling flakes of fire to
his imagination Those who have known an impassioned childhood will understand
this dread of utterance about any shame connected with their parents The
impetuous advent of new images took possession of him with the force of fact for
the first time told and left him no immediate power for the reflection that he
might be trembling at a fiction of his own The terrible sense of collision
between a strong rush of feeling and the dread of its betrayal found relief at
length in big slow tears which fell without restraint until the voice of Mr
Fraser was heard saying
»Daniel do you see that you are sitting on the bent pages of your book«
Daniel immediately moved the book without turning round and after holding
it before him for an instant rose with it and walked away into the open
grounds where he could dry his tears unobserved The first shock of suggestion
past he could remember that he had no certainty how things really had been and
that he had been making conjectures about his own history as he had often made
stories about Pericles or Columbus just to fill up the blanks before they
became famous Only there came back certain facts which had an obstinate
reality almost like the fragments of a bridge telling you unmistakeably how
the arches lay And again there came a mood in which his conjectures seemed like
a doubt of religion to be banished as an offence and a mean prying after what
he was not meant to know for there was hardly a delicacy of feeling this lad
was not capable of But the summing up of all his fluctuating experience at this
epoch was that a secret impression had come to him which had given him
something like a new sense in relation to all the elements of his life And the
idea that others probably knew things concerning him which they did not choose
to mention and which he would not have had them mention set up in him a
premature reserve which helped to intensify his inward experience His ears were
open now to words which before that July day would have passed by him unnoted
and round every trivial incident which imagination could connect with his
suspicions a newlyroused set of feelings were ready to cluster themselves
One such incident a month later wrought itself deeply into his life Daniel
had not only one of those thrilling boy voices which seem to bring an idyllic
heaven and earth before our eyes but a fine musical instinct and had early
made out accompaniments for himself on the piano while he sang from memory
Since then he had had some teaching and Sir Hugo who delighted in the boy
used to ask for his music in the presence of guests One morning after he had
been singing »Sweet Echo« before a small party of gentlemen whom the rain had
kept in the house the baronet passing from a smiling remark to his next
neighbour said
»Come here Dan«
The boy came forward with unusual reluctance He wore an embroidered holland
blouse which set off the rich colouring of his head and throat and the
resistant gravity about his mouth and eyes as he was being smiled upon made
their beauty the more impressive Every one was admiring him
»What do you say to being a great singer Should you like to be adored by
the world and take the house by storm like Mario and Tamberlik«
Daniel reddened instantaneously but there was a just perceptible interval
before he answered with angry decision
»No I should hate it«
»Well well well« said Sir Hugo with surprised kindliness intended to be
soothing But Daniel turned away quickly left the room and going to his own
chamber threw himself on the broad windowsill which was a favourite retreat of
his when he had nothing particular to do Here he could see the rain gradually
subsiding with gleams through the parting clouds which lit up a great reach of
the park where the old oaks stood apart from each other and the bordering wood
was pierced with a green glade which met the eastern sky This was a scene which
had always been part of his home part of the dignified ease which had been a
matter of course in his life And his ardent clinging nature had appropriated it
all with affection He knew a great deal of what it was to be a gentleman by
inheritance and without thinking much about himself for he was a boy of
active perceptions and easily forgot his own existence in that of Robert Bruce
he had never supposed that he could be shut out from such a lot or have a very
different part in the world from that of the uncle who petted him It is
possible though not greatly believed in at present to be fond of poverty and
take it for a bride to prefer scoured deal red quarries and whitewash for
ones private surroundings to delight in no splendour but what has open doors
for the whole nation and to glory in having no privilege except such as nature
insists on and noblemen have been known to run away from elaborate ease and the
option of idleness that they might bind themselves for small pay to hardhanded
labour But Daniels tastes were altogether in keeping with his nurture his
disposition was one in which everyday scenes and habits beget not ennui or
rebellion but delight affection aptitudes and now the lad had been stung to
the quick by the idea that his uncle perhaps his father thought of a career
for him which was totally unlike his own and which he knew very well was not
thought of among possible destinations for the sons of English gentlemen He had
often stayed in London with Sir Hugo who to indulge the boys ear had carried
him to the opera to hear the great tenors so that the image of a singer taking
the house by storm was very vivid to him but now spite of his musical gift he
set himself bitterly against the notion of being dressed up to sing before all
those fine people who would not care about him except as a wonderful toy That
Sir Hugo should have thought of him in that position for a moment seemed to
Daniel an unmistakeable proof that there was something about his birth which
threw him out from the class of gentlemen to which the baronet belonged Would
it ever be mentioned to him Would the time come when his uncle would tell him
everything He shrank from the prospect in his imagination he preferred
ignorance If his father had been wicked Daniel inwardly used strong words
for he was feeling the injury done him as a maimed boy feels the crushed limb
which for others is merely reckoned in an average of accidents if his father
had done any wrong he wished it might never be spoken of to him it was already
a cutting thought that such knowledge might be in other minds Was it in Mr
Frasers probably not else he would not have spoken in that way about the
popes nephews Daniel fancied as older people do that every one elses
consciousness was as active as his own on a matter which was vital to him Did
Turvey the valet know and old Mrs French the housekeeper and Banks the
bailiff with whom he had ridden about the farms on his pony And now there
came back the recollection of a day some years before when he was drinking Mrs
Bankss whey and Banks said to his wife with a wink and a cunning laugh »He
features the mother eh« At that time little Daniel had merely thought that
Banks made a silly face as the common farming men often did laughing at what
was not laughable and he rather resented being winked at and talked of as if he
did not understand everything But now that small incident became information
it was to be reasoned on How could he be like his mother and not like his
father His mother must have been a Mallinger if Sir Hugo were his uncle But
no His father might have been Sir Hugos brother and have changed his name as
Mr Henleigh Mallinger did when he married Miss Grandcourt But then why had he
never heard Sir Hugo speak of his brother Deronda as he spoke of his brother
Grandcourt Daniel had never before cared about the family tree only about
that ancestor who had killed three Saracens in one encounter But now his mind
turned to a cabinet of estatemaps in the library where he had once seen an
illuminated parchment hanging out that Sir Hugo said was the family tree The
phrase was new and odd to him he was a little fellow then hardly more than
half his present age and he gave it no precise meaning He knew more now and
wished that he could examine that parchment He imagined that the cabinet was
always locked and longed to try it But here he checked himself He might be
seen and he would never bring himself near even a silent admission of the sore
that had opened in him
It is in such experiences of boy or girlhood while elders are debating
whether most education lies in science or literature that the main lines of
character are often laid down If Daniel had been of a less ardently
affectionate nature the reserve about himself and the supposition that others
had something to his disadvantage in their minds might have turned into a hard
proud antagonism But inborn lovingness was strong enough to keep itself level
with resentment There was hardly any creature in his habitual world that he was
not fond of teasing them occasionally of course all except his uncle or
»Nunc« as Sir Hugo had taught him to say for the baronet was the reverse of a
straitlaced man and left his dignity to take care of itself Him Daniel loved
in that deeprooted filial way which makes children always the happier for being
in the same room with father or mother though their occupations may be quite
apart Sir Hugos watchchain and seals his handwriting his mode of smoking
and of talking to his dogs and horses had all a rightness and charm about them
to the boy which went along with the happiness of morning and breakfast time
That Sir Hugo had always been a Whig made Tories and Radicals equally opponents
of the truest and best and the books he had written were all seen under the
same consecration of loving belief which differenced what was his from what was
not his in spite of general resemblance Those writings were various from
volumes of travel in the brilliant style to articles on things in general and
pamphlets on political crises but to Daniel they were alike in having an
unquestionable rightness by which other peoples information could be tested
Who cannot imagine the bitterness of a first suspicion that something in
this object of complete love was not quite right Children demand that their
heroes should be fleckless and easily believe them so perhaps a first
discovery to the contrary is hardly a less revolutionary shock to a passionate
child than the threatened downfull of habitual beliefs which makes the world
seem to totter for us in maturer life
But some time after this renewal of Daniels agitation it appeared that Sir
Hugo must have been making a merely playful experiment in his question about the
singing He sent for Daniel into the library and looking up from his writing as
the boy entered threw himself sideways in his armchair »Ah Dan« he said
kindly drawing one of the old embroidered stools close to him »Come and sit
down here«
Daniel obeyed and Sir Hugo put a gentle hand on his shoulder looking at
him affectionately
»What is it my boy Have you heard anything that has put you out of spirits
lately«
Daniel was determined not to let the tears come but he could not speak
»All changes are painful when people have been happy you know« said Sir
Hugo lifting his hand from the boys shoulder to his dark curls and rubbing
them gently »You cant be educated exactly as I wish you to be without our
parting And I think you will find a great deal to like at school«
This was not what Daniel expected and was so far a relief which gave him
spirit to answer
»Am I to go to school«
»Yes I mean you to go to Eton I wish you to have the education of an
English gentleman and for that it is necessary that you should go to a public
school in preparation for the university Cambridge I mean you to go to it was
my own university«
Daniels colour came and went
»What do you say sirrah« said Sir Hugo smiling
»I should like to be a gentleman« said Daniel with firm distinctness »and
go to school if that is what a gentlemans son must do«
Sir Hugo watched him silently for a few moments thinking he understood now
why the lad had seemed angry at the notion of becoming a singer Then he said
tenderly
»And so you wont mind about leaving your old Nunc«
»Yes I shall« said Daniel clasping Sir Hugos caressing arm with both his
hands »But shant I come home and be with you in the holidays«
»Oh yes generally« said Sir Hugo »But now I mean you to go at once to a
new tutor to break the change for you before you go to Eton«
After this interview Daniels spirit rose again He was meant to be a
gentleman and in some unaccountable way it might be that his conjectures were
all wrong The very keenness of the lad taught him to find comfort in his
ignorance While he was busying his mind in the construction of possibilities
it became plain to him that there must be possibilities of which he knew
nothing He left off brooding young joy and the spirit of adventure not being
easily quenched within him and in the interval before his going away he sang
about the house danced among the old servants making them parting gifts and
insisted many times to the groom on the care that was to be taken of the black
pony
»Do you think I shall know much less than the other boys Mr Fraser« said
Daniel It was his bent to think that every stranger would be surprised at his
ignorance
»There are dunces to be found everywhere« said the judicious Fraser
»Youll not be the biggest but youve not the makings of a Porson in you or a
Leibnitz either«
»I dont want to be a Porson or a Leibnitz« said Daniel »I would rather be
a greater leader like Pericles or Washington«
»Ay ay youve a notion they did with little parsing and less algebra«
said Fraser But in reality he thought his pupil a remarkable lad to whom one
thing was as easy as another if he had only a mind to it
Things went very well with Daniel in his new world except that a boy with
whom he was at once inclined to strike up a close friendship talked to him a
great deal about his home and parents and seemed to expect a like expansiveness
in return Daniel immediately shrank into reserve and this experience remained
a check on his naturally strong bent towards the formation of intimate
friendships Every one his tutor included set him down as a reserved boy
though he was so goodhumoured and unassuming as well as quick both at study
and sport that nobody called his reserve disagreeable Certainly his face had a
great deal to do with that favourable interpretation but in this instance the
beauty of the closed lips told no falsehood
A surprise that came to him before his first vacation strengthened the
silent consciousness of a grief within which might be compared in some ways
with Byrons susceptibility about his deformed foot Sir Hugo wrote word that he
was married to Miss Raymond a sweet lady whom Daniel must remember having seen
The event would make no difference about his spending the vacation at the Abbey
he would find Lady Mallinger a new friend whom he would be sure to love and
much more to the usual effect when a man having done something agreeable to
himself is disposed to congratulate others on his own good fortune and the
deducible satisfactoriness of events in general
Let Sir Hugo be partly excused until the grounds of his action can be more
fully known The mistakes in his behaviour to Deronda were due to that dulness
towards what may be going on in other minds especially the minds of children
which is among the commonest deficiencies even in goodnatured men like him
when life has been generally easy to themselves and their energies have been
quietly spent in feeling gratified No one was better aware than he that Daniel
was generally suspected to be his own son But he was pleased with that
suspicion and his imagination had never once been troubled with the way in
which the boy himself might be affected either then or in the future by the
enigmatic aspect of his circumstances He was as fond of him as could be and
meant the best by him And considering the lightness with which the preparation
of young lives seems to lie on respectable consciences Sir Hugo Mallinger can
hardly be held open to exceptional reproach He had been a bachelor till he was
fiveand had always been regarded as a fascinating man of elegant tastes what
could be more natural even according to the index of language than that he
should have a beautiful boy like the little Deronda to take care of The mother
might even perhaps be in the great world met with in Sir Hugos residences
abroad The only person to feel any objection was the boy himself who could not
have been consulted And the boys objections had never been dreamed of by
anybody but himself
By the time Deronda was ready to go to Cambridge Lady Mallinger had already
three daughters charming babies all three but whose sex was announced as a
melancholy alternative the offspring desired being a son if Sir Hugo had no
son the succession must go to his nephew Mallinger Grandcourt Daniel no longer
held a wavering opinion about his own birth His fuller knowledge had tended to
convince him that Sir Hugo was his father and he conceived that the baronet
since he never approached a communication on the subject wished him to have a
tacit understanding of the fact and to accept in silence what would be
generally considered more than the due love and nurture Sir Hugos marriage
might certainly have been felt as a new ground of resentment by some youths in
Derondas position and the timid Lady Mallinger with her fastcoming little
ones might have been images to scowl at as likely to divert much that was
disposable in the feelings and possessions of the baronet from one who felt his
own claim to be prior But hatred of innocent human obstacles was a form of
moral stupidity not in Derondas grain even the indignation which had long
mingled itself with his affection for Sir Hugo took the quality of pain rather
than of temper and as his mind ripened to the idea of tolerance towards error
he habitually linked the idea with his own silent grievances
The sense of an entailed disadvantage the deformed foot doubtfully hidden
by the shoe makes a restlessly active spiritual yeast and easily turns a
selfcentred unloving nature into an Ishmaelite But in the rarer sort who
presently see their own frustrated claim as one among a myriad the inexorable
sorrow takes the form of fellowship and makes the imagination tender Derondas
earlywakened susceptibility charged at first with ready indignation and
resistant pride had raised in him a premature reflection on certain questions
of life it had given a bias to his conscience a sympathy with certain ills
and a tension of resolve in certain directions which marked him off from other
youths much more than any talents he possessed
One day near the end of the Long Vacation when he had been making a tour in
the Rhineland with his Eton tutor and was come for a farewell stay at the Abbey
before going to Cambridge he said to Sir Hugo
»What do you intend me to be sir« They were in the library and it was the
fresh morning Sir Hugo had called him in to read a letter from a Cambridge Don
who was to be interested in him and since the baronet wore an air at once
businesslike and leisurely the moment seemed propitious for entering on a grave
subject which had never yet been thoroughly discussed
»Whatever your inclination leads you to my boy I thought it right to give
you the option of the army but you shut the door on that and I was glad I
dont expect you to choose just yet byandby when you have looked about you
a little more and tried your mettle among older men The university has a good
wide opening into the forum There are prizes to be won and a bit of good
fortune often gives the turn to a mans taste From what I see and hear I
should think you can take up anything you like You are in deeper water with
your classics than I ever got into and if you are rather sick of that swimming
Cambridge is the place where you can go into mathematics with a will and
disport yourself on the dry sand as much as you like I floundered along like a
carp«
»I suppose money will make some difference sir« said Daniel blushing »I
shall have to keep myself byandby«
»Not exactly I recommend you not to be extravagant yes yes I know you
are not inclined to that but you need not take up anything against the
grain You will have a bachelors income enough for you to look about with
Perhaps I had better tell you that you may consider yourself secure of seven
hundred ayear You might make yourself a barrister be a writer take up
politics I confess that is what would please me best I should like to have you
at my elbow and pulling with me«
Deronda looked embarrassed He felt that he ought to make some sign of
gratitude but other feelings clogged his tongue A moment was passing by in
which a question about his birth was throbbing within him and yet it seemed
more impossible than ever that the question should find vent more impossible
than ever that he could hear certain things from Sir Hugos lips The liberal
way in which he was dealt with was the more striking because the baronet had of
late cared particularly for money and for making the utmost of his
lifeinterest in the estate by way of providing for his daughters and as all
this flashed through Daniels mind it was momentarily within his imagination
that the provision for him might come in some way from his mother But such
vaporous conjecture passed away as quickly as it came
Sir Hugo appeared not to notice anything peculiar in Daniels manner and
presently went on with his usual chatty liveliness
»I am glad you have done some good reading outside your classics and have
got a grip of French and German The truth is unless a man can get the prestige
and income of a Don and write donnish books its hardly worth while for him to
make a Greek and Latin machine of himself and be able to spin you out pages of
the Greek dramatists at any verse youll give him as a cue Thats all very
fine but in practical life nobody does give you the cue for pages of Greek In
fact its a nicety of conversation which I would have you attend to much
quotation of any sort even in English is bad It tends to choke ordinary
remark One couldnt carry on life comfortably without a little blindness to the
fact that everything has been said better than we can put it ourselves But
talking of Dons I have seen Dons make a capital figure in society and
occasionally he can shoot you down a cartload of learning in the right place
which will tell in politics Such men are wanted and if you have any turn for
being a Don I say nothing against it«
»I think theres not much chance of that Quicksett and Puller are both
stronger than I am I hope you will not be much disappointed if I dont come out
with high honours«
»No no I should like you to do yourself credit but for Gods sake dont
come out as a superior expensive kind of idiot like young Brecon who got a
Double First and has been learning to knit braces ever since What I wish you
to get is a passport in life I dont go against our university system we want
a little disinterested culture to make head against cotton and capital
especially in the House My Greek has all evaporated if I had to construe a
verse on a sudden I should get an apoplectic fit But it formed my taste I
daresay my English is the better for it«
On this point Daniel kept a respectful silence The enthusiastic belief in
Sir Hugos writings as a standard and in the Whigs as the chosen race among
politicians had gradually vanished along with the seraphic boys face He had
not been the hardest of workers at Eton Though some kinds of study and reading
came as easily as boating to him he was not of the material that usually makes
the firstrate Eton scholar There had sprung up in him a meditative yearning
after wide knowledge which is likely always to abate ardour in the fight for
prize acquirement in narrow tracks Happily he was modest and took any
secondrateness in himself simply as a fact not as a marvel necessarily to be
accounted for by a superiority Still Mr Frasers high opinion of the lad had
not been altogether belied by the youth Daniel had the stamp of rarity in a
subdued fervour of sympathy an activity of imagination on behalf of others
which did not show itself effusively but was continually seen in acts of
considerateness that struck his companions as moral eccentricity »Deronda would
have been firstrate if he had had more ambition« was a frequent remark about
him But how could a fellow push his way properly when he objected to swop for
his own advantage knocked under by choice when he was within an inch of
victory and unlike the great Clive would rather be the calf than the butcher
It was a mistake however to suppose that Deronda had not his share of
ambition we know he had suffered keenly from the belief that there was a tinge
of dishonour in his lot but there are some cases and his was one of them in
which the sense of injury breeds not the will to inflict injuries and climb
over them as a ladder but a hatred of all injury He had his flashes of
fierceness and could hit out upon occasion but the occasions were not always
what might have been expected For in what related to himself his resentful
impulses had been early checked by a mastering affectionateness Love has a
habit of saying »Never mind« to angry self who sitting down for the nonce in
the lower place byandby gets used to it So it was that as Deronda approached
manhood his feeling for Sir Hugo while it was getting more and more mixed with
criticism was gaining in that sort of allowance which reconciles criticism with
tenderness The dear old beautiful home and everything within it Lady Mallinger
and her little ones included were consecrated for the youth as they had been
for the boy only with a certain difference of light on the objects The
altarpiece was no longer miraculously perfect painted under infallible
guidance but the human hand discerned in the work was appealing to a reverent
tenderness safer from the gusts of discovery Certainly Derondas ambition even
in his springtime lay exceptionally aloof from conspicuous vulgar triumph
and from other ugly forms of boyish energy perhaps because he was early
impassioned by ideas and burned his fire on those heights One may spend a good
deal of energy in disliking and resisting what others pursue and a boy who is
fond of somebody elses pencilcase may not be more energetic than another who
is fond of giving his own pencilcase away Still it was not Derondas
disposition to escape from ugly scenes he was more inclined to sit through them
and take care of the fellow least able to take care of himself It had helped to
make him popular that he was sometimes a little compromised by this apparent
comradeship For a meditative interest in learning how human miseries are
wrought as precocious in him as another sort of genius in the poet who writes
a Queen Mab at nineteen was so infused with kindliness that it easily passed
for comradeship Enough In many of our neighbours lives there is much not
only of error and lapse but of a certain exquisite goodness which can never be
written or even spoken only divined by each of us according to the inward
instruction of our own privacy
The impression he made at Cambridge corresponded to his position at Eton
Every one interested in him agreed that he might have taken a high place if his
motives had been of a more pushing sort and if he had not instead of regarding
studies as instruments of success hampered himself with the notion that they
were to feed motive and opinion a notion which set him criticising methods and
arguing against his freight and harness when he should have been using all his
might to pull In the beginning his work at the university had a new zest for
him indifferent to the continuation of the Eton classical drill he applied
himself vigorously to mathematics for which he had shown an early aptitude
under Mr Fraser and he had the delight of feeling his strength in a
comparatively fresh exercise of thought That delight and the favourable
opinion of his tutor determined him to try for a mathematical scholarship in
the Easter of his second year he wished to gratify Sir Hugo by some
achievement and the study of the higher mathematics having the growing
fascination inherent in all thinking which demands intensity was making him a
more exclusive worker than he had been before
But here came the old check which had been growing with his growth He found
the inward bent towards comprehension and thoroughness diverging more and more
from the track marked out by the standards of examination he felt a heightening
discontent with the wearing futility and enfeebling strain of a demand for
excessive retention and dexterity without any insight into the principles which
form the vital connections of knowledge Derondas undergraduateship occurred
fifteen years ago when the perfection of our university methods was not yet
indisputable In hours when his dissatisfaction was strong upon him he
reproached himself for having been attracted by the conventional advantage of
belonging to an English university and was tempted towards the project of
asking Sir Hugo to let him quit Cambridge and pursue a more independent line of
study abroad The germs of this inclination had been already stirring in his
boyish love of universal history which made him want to be at home in foreign
countries and follow in imagination the travelling students of the middle ages
He longed now to have the sort of apprenticeship to life which would not shape
him too definitely and rob him of the choice that might come from a free
growth One sees that Derondas demerits were likely to be on the side of
reflective hesitation and this tendency was encouraged by his position there
was no need for him to get an immediate income or to fit himself in haste for a
profession and his sensibility to the halfknown facts of his parentage made
him an excuse for lingering longer than others in a state of social neutrality
Other men he inwardly said had a more definite place and duties But the
project which flattered his inclination might not have gone beyond the stage of
ineffective brooding if certain circumstances had not quickened it into action
The circumstances arose out of an enthusiastic friendship which extended
into his afterlife Of the same year with himself and occupying small rooms
close to his was a youth who had come as an exhibitioner from Christs
Hospital and had eccentricities enough for a Charles Lamb Only to look at his
pinched features and blond hair hanging over his collar reminded one of pale
quaint heads by early German painters and when this faint colouring was lit up
by a joke there came sudden creases about the mouth and eyes which might have
been moulded by the soul of an aged humorist His father an engraver of some
distinction had been dead eleven years and his mother had three girls to
educate and maintain on a meagre annuity Hans Meyrick he had been daringly
christened after Holbein felt himself the pillar or rather the knotted and
twisted trunk round which these feeble climbing plants must cling There was no
want of ability or of honest wellmeaning affection to make the prop
trustworthy the ease and quickness with which he studied might serve him to win
prizes at Cambridge as he had done among the Blue Coats in spite of
irregularities The only danger was that the incalculable tendencies in him
might be fatally timed and that his good intentions might be frustrated by some
act which was not due to habit but to capricious scattered impulses He could
not be said to have any one bad habit yet at longer or shorter intervals he had
fits of impish recklessness and did things that would have made the worst
habits
Hans in his right mind however was a lovable creature and in Deronda he
had happened to find a friend who was likely to stand by him with the more
constancy from compassion for these brief aberrations that might bring a long
repentance Hans indeed shared Derondas rooms nearly as much as he used his
own to Deronda he poured himself out on his studies his affairs his hopes
the poverty of his home and his love for the creatures there the itching of
his fingers to draw and his determination to fight it away for the sake of
getting some sort of plum that he might divide with his mother and the girls He
wanted no confidence in return but seemed to take Deronda as an Olympian who
needed nothing an egotism in friendship which is common enough with mercurial
expansive natures Deronda was content and gave Meyrick all the interest he
claimed getting at last a brotherly anxiety about him looking after him in his
erratic moments and contriving by adroitly delicate devices not only to make up
for his friends lack of pence but to save him from threatening chances Such
friendship easily becomes tender the one spreads strong sheltering wings that
delight in spreading the other gets the warm protection which is also a
delight Meyrick was going in for a classical scholarship and his success in
various ways momentous was the more probable from the steadying influence of
Derondas friendship
But an imprudence of Meyricks committed at the beginning of the autumn
term threatened to disappoint his hopes With his usual alternation between
unnecessary expense and selfprivation he had given too much money for an old
engraving which fascinated him and to make up for it had come from London in a
thirdclass carriage with his eyes exposed to a bitter wind and any irritating
particles the wind might drive before it The consequence was a severe
inflammation of the eyes which for some time hung over him the threat of a
lasting injury This crushing trouble called out all Derondas readiness to
devote himself and he made every other occupation secondary to that of being
companion and eyes to Hans working with him and for him at his classics that
if possible his chance of the classical scholarship might be saved Hans to
keep the knowledge of his suffering from his mother and sisters alleged his
work as a reason for passing the Christmas at Cambridge and his friend stayed
up with him
Meanwhile Deronda relaxed his hold on his mathematics and Hans reflecting
on this at length said »Old fellow while you are hoisting me you are risking
yourself With your mathematical cram one may be like Moses or Mahomet or
somebody of that sort who had to cram and forgot in one day what it had taken
him forty to learn«
Deronda would not admit that he cared about the risk and he had really been
beguiled into a little indifference by double sympathy he was very anxious that
Hans should not miss the muchneeded scholarship and he felt a revival of
interest in the old studies Still when Hans rather late in the day got able
to use his own eyes Deronda had tenacity enough to try hard and recover his
lost ground He failed however but he had the satisfaction of seeing Meyrick
win
Success as a sort of beginning that urged completion might have reconciled
Deronda to his university course but the emptiness of all things from politics
to pastimes is never so striking to us as when we fail in them The loss of the
personal triumph had no severity for him but the sense of having spent his time
ineffectively in a mode of working which had been against the grain gave him a
distaste for any renewal of the process which turned his imagined project of
quitting Cambridge into a serious intention In speaking of his intention to
Meyrick he made it appear that he was glad of the turn events had taken glad
to have the balance dip decidedly and feel freed from his hesitations but he
observed that he must of course submit to any strong objection on the part of
Sir Hugo
Meyricks joy and gratitude were disturbed by much uneasiness He believed
in Derondas alleged preference but he felt keenly that in serving him Daniel
had placed himself at a disadvantage in Sir Hugos opinion and he said
mournfully »If you had got the scholarship Sir Hugo would have thought that
you asked to leave us with a better grace You have spoilt your luck for my
sake and I can do nothing to mend it«
»Yes you can you are to be a firstrate fellow I call that a firstrate
investment of my luck«
»Oh confound it You save an ugly mongrel from drowning and expect him to
cut a fine figure The poets have made tragedies enough about signing ones self
over to wickedness for the sake of getting something plummy I shall write a
tragedy of a fellow who signed himself over to be good and was uncomfortable
ever after«
But Hans lost no time in secretly writing the history of the affair to Sir
Hugo making it plain that but for Derondas generous devotion he could hardly
have failed to win the prize he had been working for
The two friends went up to town together Meyrick to rejoice with his mother
and the girls in their little home at Chelsea Deronda to carry out the less
easy task of opening his mind to Sir Hugo He relied a little on the baronets
general tolerance of eccentricities but he expected more opposition than he met
with He was received with even warmer kindness than usual the failure was
passed over lightly and when he detailed his reasons for wishing to quit the
university and go to study abroad Sir Hugo sat for some time in a silence which
was rather meditative than surprised At last he said looking at Daniel with
examination »So you dont want to be an Englishman to the backbone after all«
»I want to be an Englishman but I want to understand other points of view
And I want to get rid of a merely English attitude in studies«
»I see you dont want to be turned out in the same mould as every other
youngster And I have nothing to say against your doffing some of our national
prejudices I feel the better myself for having spent a good deal of my time
abroad But for Gods sake keep an English cut and dont become indifferent
to bad tobacco And my dear boy it is good to be unselfish and generous but
dont carry that too far It will not do to give yourself to be melted down for
the benefit of the tallowtrade you must know where to find yourself However
I shall put no veto on your going Wait until I can get off Committee and Ill
run over with you«
So Deronda went according to his will But not before he had spent some
hours with Hans Meyrick and been introduced to the mother and sisters in the
Chelsea home The shy girls watched and registered every look of their brothers
friend declared by Hans to have been the salvation of him a fellow like nobody
else and in fine a brick They so thoroughly accepted Deronda as an ideal
that when he was gone the youngest set to work under the criticism of the two
elder girls to paint him as Prince Camaralzaman
Chapter XVII
»This is truth the poet sings
That a sorrows crown of sorrow is
remembering happier things«
Tennyson Locksley Hall
On a fine evening near the end of July Deronda was rowing himself on the
Thames It was already a year or more since he had come back to England with
the understanding that his education was finished and that he was somehow to
take his place in English society but though in deference to Sir Hugos wish
and to fence off idleness he had begun to read law this apparent decision had
been without other result than to deepen the roots of indecision His old love
of boating had revived with the more force now that he was in town with the
Mallingers because he could nowhere else get the same still seclusion which the
river gave him He had a boat of his own at Putney and whenever Sir Hugo did
not want him it was his chief holiday to row till past sunset and come in again
with the stars Not that he was in a sentimental stage but he was in another
sort of contemplative mood perhaps more common in the young men of our day
that of questioning whether it were worth while to take part in the battle of
the world I mean of course the young men in whom the unproductive labour of
questioning is sustained by three or five per cent on capital which somebody
else has battled for It puzzled Sir Hugo that one who made a splendid contrast
with all that was sickly and puling should be hampered with ideas which since
they left an accomplished Whig like himself unobstructed could be no better
than spectral illusions especially as Deronda set himself against authorship
a vocation which is understood to turn foolish thinking into funds
Rowing in his darkblue shirt and skullcap his curls closely clipped his
mouth beset with abundant soft waves of beard he bore only disguised traces of
the seraphic boy »trailing clouds of glory« Still even one who had never seen
him since his boyhood might have looked at him with slow recognition due
perhaps to the peculiarity of the gaze which Gwendolen chose to call »dreadful«
though it had really a very mild sort of scrutiny The voice sometimes audible
in subdued snatches of song had turned out merely a high barytone indeed only
to look at his lithe powerful frame and the firm gravity of his face would have
been enough for an experienced guess that he had no rare and ravishing tenor
such as nature reluctantly makes at some sacrifice Look at his hands they are
not small and dimpled with tapering fingers that seem to have only a
deprecating touch they are long flexible firmlygrasping hands such as
Titian has painted in a picture where he wanted to show the combination of
refinement with force And there is something of a likeness too between the
faces belonging to the hands in both the uniform palebrown skin the
perpendicular brow the calmly penetrating eyes Not seraphic any longer
thoroughly terrestrial and manly but still of a kind to raise belief in a human
dignity which can afford to acknowledge poor relations
Such types meet us here and there among average conditions in a workman
for example whistling over a bit of measurement and lifting his eyes to answer
our question about the road And often the grand meanings of faces as well as of
written words may lie chiefly in the impressions of those who look on them But
it is precisely such impressions that happen just now to be of importance in
relation to Deronda rowing on the Thames in a very ordinary equipment for a
young Englishman at leisure and passing under Kew Bridge with no thought of an
adventure in which his appearance was likely to play any part In fact he
objected very strongly to the notion which others had not allowed him to
escape that his appearance was of a kind to draw attention and hints of this
intended to be complimentary found an angry resonance in him coming from
mingled experiences to which a clue has already been given His own face in the
glass had during many years been associated for him with thoughts of some one
whom he must be like one about whose character and lot he continually
wondered and never dared to ask
In the neighbourhood of Kew Bridge between six and seven oclock the river
was no solitude Several persons were sauntering on the towingpath and here
and there a boat was plying Deronda had been rowing fast to get over this spot
when becoming aware of a great barge advancing towards him he guided his boat
aside and rested on his oar within a couple of yards of the riverbrink He was
all the while unconsciously continuing the lowtoned chant which had haunted his
throat all the way up the river the gondoliers song in the Otello where
Rossini has worthily set to music the immortal words of Dante
»Nessun maggior dolore
Che ricordarsi del tempo felice
Nella miseria«1
and as he rested on his oar the pianissimo fall of the melodic wail »nella
miseria« was distinctly audible on the brink of the water Three or four persons
had paused at various spots to watch the barge passing the bridge and doubtless
included in their notice the young gentleman in the boat but probably it was
only to one ear that the low vocal sounds came with more significance than if
they had been an insectmurmur amidst the sum of current noises Deronda
awaiting the barge now turned his head to the riverside and saw at a few
yards distance from him a figure which might have been an impersonation of the
misery he was unconsciously giving voice to a girl hardly more than eighteen
of low slim figure with most delicate little face her dark curls pushed behind
her ears under a large black hat a long woollen cloak over her shoulders Her
hands were hanging down clasped before her and her eyes were fixed on the river
with a look of immovable statuelike despair This strong arrest of his
attention made him cease singing apparently his voice had entered her inner
world without her having taken any note of whence it came for when it suddenly
ceased she changed her attitude slightly and looking round with a frightened
glance met Derondas face It was but a couple of moments but that seems a
long while for two people to look straight at each other Her look was something
like that of a fawn or other gentle animal before it turns to run away no
blush no special alarm but only some timidity which yet could not hinder her
from a long look before she turned In fact it seemed to Deronda that she was
only half conscious of her surroundings was she hungry or was there some other
cause of bewilderment He felt an outleap of interest and compassion towards
her but the next instant she had turned and walked away to a neighbouring bench
under a tree He had no right to linger and watch her poorlydressed
melancholy women are common sights it was only the delicate beauty the
picturesque lines and colour of the image that were exceptional and these
conditions made it the more markedly impossible that he should obtrude his
interest upon her He began to row away and was soon far up the river but no
other thoughts were busy enough quite to expel that pale image of unhappy
girlhood He fell again and again to speculating on the probable romance that
lay behind that loneliness and look of desolation then to smile at his own
share in the prejudice that interesting faces must have interesting adventures
then to justify himself for feeling that sorrow was the more tragic when it
befell delicate childlike beauty
»I should not have forgotten the look of misery if she had been ugly and
vulgar« he said to himself But there was no denying that the attractiveness of
the image made it likelier to last It was clear to him as an onyx cameo the
brownblack drapery the white face with small small features and dark
longlashed eyes His mind glanced over the girltragedies that are going on in
the world hidden unheeded as if they were but tragedies of the copse or
hedgerow where the helpless drag wounded wings forsakenly and streak the
shadowed moss with the red momenthand of their own death Deronda of late in
his solitary excursions had been occupied chiefly with uncertainties about his
own course but those uncertainties being much at their leisure were wont to
have such widesweeping connections with all life and history that the new image
of helpless sorrow easily blent itself with what seemed to him the strong array
of reasons why he should shrink from getting into that routine of the world
which makes men apologise for all its wrongdoing and take opinions as mere
professional equipment why he should not draw strongly at any thread in the
hopelesslyentangled scheme of things
He used his oars little satisfied to go with the tide and be taken back by
it It was his habit to indulge himself in that solemn passivity which easily
comes with the lengthening shadows and mellowing light when thinking and
desiring melt together imperceptibly and what in other hours may have seemed
argument takes the quality of passionate vision By the time he had come back
again with the tide past Richmond Bridge the sun was near setting and the
approach of his favourite hour with its deepening stillness and darkening
masses of tree and building between the double glow of the sky and the river
disposed him to linger as if they had been an unfinished strain of music He
looked out for a perfectly solitary spot where he could lodge his boat against
the bank and throwing himself on his back with his head propped on the
cushions could watch out the light of sunset and the opening of that beadroll
which some oriental poet describes as Gods call to the little stars who each
answer »Here am I« He chose a spot in the bend of the river just opposite Kew
Gardens where he had a great breadth of water before him reflecting the glory
of the sky while he himself was in shadow He lay with his hands behind his
head propped on a level with the boats edge so that he could see all around
him but could not be seen by any one at a few yards distance and for a long
while he never turned his eyes from the view right in front of him He was
forgetting everything else in a halfspeculative halfinvoluntary
identification of himself with the objects he was looking at thinking how far
it might be possible habitually to shift his centre till his own personality
would be no less outside him than the landscape when the sense of something
moving on the bank opposite him where it was bordered by a line of
willowbushes made him turn his glance thitherward In the first moment he had
a darting presentiment about the moving figure and now he could see the small
face with the strange dying sunlight upon it He feared to frighten her by a
sudden movement and watched her with motionless attention She looked round
but seemed only to gather security from the apparent solitude hid her hat among
the willows and immediately took off her woollen cloak Presently she seated
herself and deliberately dipped the cloak in the water holding it there a
little while then taking it out with effort rising from her seat as she did
so By this time Deronda felt sure that she meant to wrap the wet cloak round
her as a drowningshroud there was no longer time to hesitate about frightening
her He rose and seized his oar to ply across happily her position lay a little
below him The poor thing overcome with terror at this sign of discovery from
the opposite bank sank down on the brink again holding her cloak but half out
of the water She crouched and covered her face as if she kept a faint hope that
she had not been seen and that the boatman was accidentally coming towards her
But soon he was within brief space of her steadying his boat against the bank
and speaking but very gently
»Dont be afraid You are unhappy Pray trust me Tell me what
I can do to help you«
She raised her head and looked up at him His face now was towards the
light and she knew it again But she did not speak for a few moments which were
a renewal of their former gaze at each other At last she said in a low sweet
voice with an accent so distinct that it suggested foreignness and yet was not
foreign »I saw you before« and then added dreamily after a like pause
»nella miseria«
Deronda not understanding the connection of her thought supposed that her
mind was weakened by distress and hunger
»It was you singing« she went on hesitatingly »Nessun maggior dolore«
The mere words themselves uttered in her sweet undertones seemed to give the
melody to Derondas ear
»Ah yes« he said understanding now »I am often singing them But I fear
you will injure yourself staying here Pray let me carry you in my boat to some
place of safety And that wet cloak let me take it«
He would not attempt to take it without her leave dreading lest he should
scare her Even at his words he fancied that she shrank and clutched the cloak
more tenaciously But her eyes were fixed on him with a question in them as she
said »You look good Perhaps it is Gods command«
»Do trust me Let me help you I will die before I will let any harm come to
you«
She rose from her sitting posture first dragging the saturated cloak and
then letting it fall on the ground it was too heavy for her tired arms Her
little womans figure as she laid her delicate chilled hands together one over
the other against her waist and went a step backward while she leaned her head
forward as if not to lose her sight of his face was unspeakably touching
»Great God« the words escaped Deronda in a tone so low and solemn that they
seemed like a prayer become unconsciously vocal The agitating impression this
forsaken girl was making on him stirred a fibre that lay close to his deepest
interest in the fates of women »perhaps my mother was like this one« The old
thought had come now with a new impetus of mingled feeling and urged that
exclamation in which both East and West have for ages concentrated their awe in
the presence of inexorable calamity
The lowtoned words seemed to have some reassurance in them for the hearer
she stepped forward close to the boats side and Deronda put out his hand
hoping now that she would let him help her in She had already put her tiny hand
into his which closed round it when some new thought struck her and drawing
back she said
»I have nowhere to go nobody belonging to me in all this land«
»I will take you to a lady who has daughters« said Deronda immediately He
felt a sort of relief in gathering that the wretched home and cruel friends he
imagined her to be fleeing from were not in the near background Still she
hesitated and said more timidly than ever
»Do you belong to the theatre«
»No I have nothing to do with the theatre« said Deronda in a decided
tone Then beseechingly »I will put you in perfect safety at once with a lady
a good woman I am sure she will be kind Let us lose no time you will make
yourself ill Life may still become sweet to you There are good people there
are good women who will take care of you«
She drew backward no more but stepped in easily as if she were used to
such action and sat down on the cushions
»You had a covering for you head« said Deronda
»My hat« she lifted up her hands to her head »It is quite hidden in the
bush«
»I will find it« said Deronda putting out his hand deprecatingly as she
attempted to rise »The boat is fixed«
He jumped out found the hat and lifted up the saturated cloak wringing it
and throwing it into the bottom of the boat
»We must carry the cloak away to prevent any one who may have noticed you
from thinking you have been drowned« he said cheerfully as he got in again and
presented the old hat to her »I wish I had any other garment than my coat to
offer you But shall you mind throwing it over your shoulders while we are on
the water It is quite an ordinary thing to do when people return late and are
not enough provided with wraps« He held out the coat towards her with a smile
and there came a faint melancholy smile in answer as she took it and put it on
very cleverly
»I have some biscuits should you like them« said Deronda
»No I cannot eat I had still some money left to buy bread«
He began to ply his oar without further remark and they went along swiftly
for many minutes without speaking She did not look at him but was watching the
oar leaning forward in an attitude of repose as if she were beginning to feel
the comfort of returning warmth and the prospect of life instead of death The
twilight was deepening the red flush was all gone and the little stars were
giving their answer one after another The moon was rising but was still
entangled among trees and buildings The light was not such that he could
distinctly discern the expression of her features or her glance but they were
distinctly before him nevertheless features and a glance which seemed to have
given a fuller meaning for him to the human face Among his anxieties one was
dominant his first impression about her that her mind might be disordered had
not been quite dissipated the project of suicide was unmistakeable and gave a
deeper colour to every other suspicious sign He longed to begin a conversation
but abstained wishing to encourage the confidence that might induce her to
speak first At last she did speak
»I like to listen to the oar«
»So do I«
»If you had not come I should have been dead now«
»I cannot bear you to speak of that I hope you will never be sorry that I
came«
»I cannot see how I shall be glad to live The maggior dolore and the
miseria have lasted longer than the tempo felice« She paused and then went on
dreamily »Dolore miseria I think those words are alive«
Deronda was mute to question her seemed an unwarrantable freedom he shrank
from appearing to claim the authority of a benefactor or to treat her with the
less reverence because she was in distress She went on musingly
»I thought it was not wicked Death and life are one before the Eternal I
know our fathers slew their children and then slew themselves to keep their
souls pure I meant it so But now I am commanded to live I cannot see how I
shall live«
»You will find friends I will find them for you«
She shook her head and said mournfully »Not my mother and brother I cannot
find them«
»You are English You must be speaking English so perfectly«
She did not answer immediately but looked at Deronda again straining to
see him in the doubtful light Until now she had been watching the oar It
seemed as if she were half roused and wondered which part of her impressions
was dreaming and which waking Sorrowful isolation had benumbed her sense of
reality and the power of distinguishing outward and inward was continually
slipping away from her Her look was full of wondering timidity such as the
forsaken one in the desert might have lifted to the angelic vision before she
knew whether his message were in anger or in pity
»You want to know if I am English« she said at last while Deronda was
reddening nervously under a gaze which he felt more fully than he saw
»I want to know nothing except what you like to tell me« he said still
uneasy in the fear that her mind was wandering »Perhaps it is not good for you
to talk«
»Yes I will tell you I am Englishborn But I am a Jewess«
Deronda was silent inwardly wondering that he had not said this to himself
before though any one who had seen delicatefaced Spanish girls might simply
have guessed her to be Spanish
»Do you despise me for it« she said presently in low tones which had a
sadness that pierced like a cry from a small dumb creature in fear
»Why should I« said Deronda »I am not so foolish«
»I know many Jews are bad«
»So are many Christians But I should not think it fair for you to despise
me because of that«
»My mother and brother were good But I shall never find them I am come a
long way from abroad I ran away but I cannot tell you I cannot speak of
it I thought I might find my mother again God would guide me But then I
despaired This morning when the light came I felt as if one word kept sounding
within me Never never But now I begin to think « her words were broken
by rising sobs »I am commanded to live perhaps we are going to her«
With an outburst of weeping she buried her head on her knees He hoped that
this passionate weeping might relieve her excitement Meanwhile he was inwardly
picturing in much embarrassment how he should present himself with her in Park
Lane the course which he had at first unreflectingly determined on No one
kinder and more gentle than Lady Mallinger but it was hardly probable that she
would be at home and he had a shuddering sense of a lackey staring at this
delicate sorrowful image of womanhood of glaring lights and fine staircases
and perhaps chilling suspicious manners from ladysmaid and housekeeper that
might scare the mind already in a state of dangerous susceptibility But to take
her to any other shelter than a home already known to him was not to be
contemplated he was full of fears about the issue of the adventure which had
brought on him a responsibility all the heavier for the strong and agitating
impression this childlike creature had made on him But another resource came to
mind he could venture to take her to Mrs Meyricks to the small home at
Chelsea where he had been often enough since his return from abroad to feel
sure that he could appeal there to generous hearts which had a romantic
readiness to believe in innocent need and to help it Hans Meyrick was safe away
in Italy and Deronda felt the comfort of presenting himself with his charge at
a house where he would be met by a motherly figure of quakerish neatness and
three girls who hardly knew of any evil closer to them than what lay in history
books and dramas and would at once associate a lovely Jewess with Rebecca in
Ivanhoe besides thinking that everything they did at Derondas request would be
done for their idol Hans The vision of the Chelsea home once raised Deronda
no longer hesitated
The rumbling thither in the cab after the stillness of the water seemed
long Happily his charge had been quiet since her fit of weeping and submitted
like a tired child When they were in the cab she laid down her hat and tried
to rest her head but the jolting movement would not let it rest still she
dozed and her sweet head hung helpless first on one side then on the other
»They are too good to have any fear about taking her in« thought Deronda
Her person her voice her exquisite utterance were one strong appeal to belief
and tenderness Yet what had been the history which had brought her to this
desolation He was going on a strange errand to ask shelter for this waif
Then there occurred to him the beautiful story Plutarch somewhere tells of the
Delphic women how when the Mænads outworn with their torchlit wanderings lay
down to sleep in the marketplace the matrons came and stood silently round
them to keep guard over their slumbers then when they waked ministered to
them tenderly and saw them safely to their own borders He could trust the women
he was going to for having hearts as good
Deronda felt himself growing older this evening and entering on a new phase
in finding a life to which his own had come perhaps as a rescue but how to
make sure that snatching from death was rescue The moment of finding a
fellowcreature is often as full of mingled doubt and exultation as the moment
of finding an idea
Chapter XVIII
Life is a various mother now she dons
Her plumes and brilliants climbs the marble stairs
With head aloft nor ever turns her eyes
On lackeys who attend her now she dwells
Grimclad up darksome alleys breathes hot gin
And screams in pauper riot
But to these
She came a frugal matron neat and deft
With cheerful morning thoughts and quick device
To find the much in little
Mrs Meyricks house was not noisy the front parlour looked on the river and
the back on gardens so that though she was reading aloud to her daughters the
window could be left open to freshen the air of the small double room where a
lamp and two candles were burning The candles were on a table apart for Kate
who was drawing illustrations for a publisher the lamp was not only for the
reader but for Amy and Mab who were embroidering satin cushions for »the great
world«
Outside the house looked very narrow and shabby the bright light through
the holland blind showing the heavy oldfashioned windowframe but it is
pleasant to know that many such grimwalled slices of space in our foggy London
have been and still are the homes of a culture the more spotlessly free from
vulgarity because poverty has rendered everything like display an impersonal
question and all the grand shows of the world simply a spectacle which rouses
no petty rivalry or vain effort after possession
The Meyricks was a home of that kind and they all clung to this particular
house in a row because its interior was filled with objects always in the same
places which for the mother held memories of her marriage time and for the
young ones seemed as necessary and uncriticised a part of their world as the
stars of the Great Bear seen from the back windows Mrs Meyrick had borne much
stint of other matters that she might be able to keep some engravings specially
cherished by her husband and the narrow spaces of wall held a worldhistory in
scenes and heads which the children had early learned by heart The chairs and
tables were also old friends preferred to new But in these two little parlours
with no furniture that a broker would have cared to cheapen except the prints
and piano there was space and apparatus for a wideglancing nicelyselect
life open to the highest things in music painting and poetry I am not sure
that in the times of greatest scarcity before Kate could get paid work these
ladies had always had a servant to light their fires and sweep their rooms yet
they were fastidious in some points and could not believe that the manners of
ladies in the fashionable world were so full of coarse selfishness petty
quarrelling and slang as they are represented to be in what are called literary
photographs The Meyricks had their little oddities streaks of eccentricity
from the mothers blood as well as the fathers their minds being like mediæval
houses with unexpected recesses and openings from this into that flights of
steps and sudden outlooks
But mother and daughters were all united by a triple bond family love
admiration for the finest work the best action and habitual industry Hanss
desire to spend some of his money in making their lives more luxurious had been
resisted by all of them and both they and he had been thus saved from regrets
at the threatened triumph of his yearning for art over the attractions of
secured income a triumph that would byandby oblige him to give up his
fellowship They could all afford to laugh at his Gavarnicaricatures and to
hold him blameless in following a natural bent which their unselfishness and
independence had left without obstacle It was enough for them to go on in their
old way only having a grand treat of operagoing to the gallery when Hans
came home on a visit
Seeing the group they made this evening one could hardly wish them to
change their way of life They were all alike small and so in due proportion
with their miniature rooms Mrs Meyrick was reading aloud from a French book
she was a lively little woman half French half Scotch with a pretty
articulateness of speech that seemed to make daylight in her hearers
understanding Though she was not yet fifty her rippling hair covered by a
quakerish net cap was chiefly grey but her eyebrows were brown as the bright
eyes below them her black dress almost like a priests cassock with its row of
buttons suited a neat figure hardly five feet high The daughters were to match
the mother except that Mab had Hanss light hair and complexion with a bossy
irregular brow and other quaintnesses that reminded one of him Everything about
them was compact from the firm coils of their hair fastened back à la
Chinoise to their grey skirts in puritan nonconformity with the fashion which
at that time would have demanded that four feminine circumferences should fill
all the free space in the front parlour All four if they had been waxwork
might have been packed easily in a fashionable ladys travelling trunk Their
faces seemed full of speech as if their minds had been shelled after the
manner of horsechestnuts and become brightly visible The only large thing of
its kind in the room was Hafiz the Persian cat comfortably poised on the brown
leather back of a chair and opening his large eyes now and then to see that the
lower animals were not in any mischief
The book Mrs Meyrick had before her was ErckmannChatrians Histoire dun
Conscrit She had just finished reading it aloud and Mab who had let her work
fall on the ground while she stretched her head forward and fixed her eyes on
the reader exclaimed
»I think that is the finest story in the world«
»Of course Mab« said Amy »it is the last you have heard Everything that
pleases you is the best in its turn«
»It is hardly to be called a story« said Kate »It is a bit of history
brought near us with a strong telescope We can see the soldiers faces no it
is more than that we can hear everything we can almost hear their hearts
beat«
»I dont care what you call it« said Mab flirting away her thimble »Call
it a chapter in Revelations It makes me want to do something good something
grand It makes me so sorry for everybody It makes me like Schiller I want to
take the world in my arms and kiss it I must kiss you instead little mother«
She threw her arms round her mothers neck
»Whenever you are in that mood Mab down goes your work« said Amy »It
would be doing something good to finish your cushion without soiling it«
»Oh oh oh« groaned Mab as she stooped to pick up her work and thimble
»I wish I had three wounded conscripts to take care of«
»You would spill their beeftea while you were talking« said Amy
»Poor Mab dont be hard on her« said the mother »Give me the embroidery
now child You go on with your enthusiasm and I will go on with the pink and
white poppy«
»Well ma I think you are more caustic than Amy« said Kate while she drew
her head back to look at her drawing
»Oh oh oh« cried Mab again rising and stretching her arms »I wish
something wonderful would happen I feel like the deluge The waters of the
great deep are broken up and the windows of heaven are opened I must sit down
and play the scales«
Mab was opening the piano while the others were laughing at this climax
when a cab stopped before the house and there forthwith came a quick rap of the
knocker
»Dear me« said Mrs Meyrick starting up »it is after ten and Phoebe is
gone to bed« She hastened out leaving the parlour door open
»Mr Deronda« The girls could hear this exclamation from their mamma Mab
clasped her hands saying in a loud whisper »There now something is going to
happen« Kate and Amy gave up their work in amazement But Derondas tone in
reply was so low that they could not hear his words and Mrs Meyrick
immediately closed the parlour door
»I know I am trusting to your goodness in a most extraordinary way« Deronda
went on after giving his brief narrative »but you can imagine how helpless I
feel with a young creature like this on my hands I could not go with her among
strangers and in her nervous state I should dread taking her into a house full
of servants I have trusted to your mercy I hope you will not think my act
unwarrantable«
»On the contrary You have honoured me by trusting me I see your
difficulty Pray bring her in I will go and prepare the girls«
While Deronda went back to the cab Mrs Meyrick turned into the parlour
again and said »Here is somebody to take care of instead of your wounded
conscripts Mab a poor girl who was going to drown herself in despair Mr
Deronda found her only just in time to save her He brought her along in his
boat and did not know what else it would be safe to do with her so he has
trusted us and brought her here It seems she is a Jewess but quite refined he
says knowing Italian and music«
The three girls wondering and expectant came forward and stood near each
other in mute confidence that they were all feeling alike under this appeal to
their compassion Mab looked rather awestricken as if this answer to her wish
were something preternatural
Meanwhile Deronda going to the door of the cab where the pale face was now
gazing out with roused observation said »I have brought you to some of the
kindest people in the world there are daughters like you It is a happy home
Will you let me take you to them«
She stepped out obediently putting her hand in his and forgetting her hat
and when Deronda led her into the full light of the parlour where the four
little women stood awaiting her she made a picture that would have stirred much
duller sensibilities than theirs At first she was a little dazed by the sudden
light and before she had concentrated her glance he had put her hand into the
mothers He was inwardly rejoicing that the Meyricks were so small the
darkcurled head was the highest among them The poor wanderer could not be
afraid of these gentle faces so near hers and now she was looking at each of
them in turn while the mother said »You must be weary poor child«
»We will take care of you we will comfort you we will love you« cried
Mab no longer able to restrain herself and taking the small right hand
caressingly between both her own This gentle welcoming warmth was penetrating
the bewildered one she hung back just enough to see better the four faces in
front of her whose goodwill was being reflected in hers not in any smile but
in that undefinable change which tells us that anxiety is passing into
contentment For an instant she looked up at Deronda as if she were referring
all this mercy to him and then again turning to Mrs Meyrick said with more
collectedness in her sweet tones than he had heard before
»I am a stranger I am a Jewess You might have thought I was wicked«
»No we are sure you are good« burst out Mab
»We think no evil of you poor child You shall be safe with us« said Mrs
Meyrick »Come now and sit down You must have some food and then go to rest«
The stranger looked up again at Deronda who said
»You will have no more fears with these friends You will rest tonight«
»Oh I should not fear I should rest I think these are the ministering
angels«
Mrs Meyrick wanted to lead her to a seat but again hanging back gently
the poor weary thing spoke as if with a scruple at being received without a
further account of herself
»My name is Mirah Lapidoth I am come a long way all the way from Prague by
myself I made my escape I ran away from dreadful things I came to find my
mother and brother in London I had been taken from my mother when I was little
but I thought I could find her again I had trouble the houses were all gone
I could not find her It has been a long while and I had not much money That
is why I am in distress«
»Our mother will be good to you« cried Mab »See what a nice little mother
she is«
»Do sit down now« said Kate moving a chair forward while Amy ran to get
some tea
Mirah resisted no longer but seated herself with perfect grace crossing
her little feet laying her hands one over the other on her lap and looking at
her friends with placid reverence whereupon Hafiz who had been watching the
scene restlessly came forward with tail erect and rubbed himself against her
ankles Deronda felt it time to take his leave
»Will you allow me to come again and inquire perhaps at five tomorrow«
he said to Mrs Meyrick
»Yes pray we shall have had time to make acquaintance then«
»Goodbye« said Deronda looking down at Mirah and putting out his hand
She rose as she took it and the moment brought back to them both strongly the
other moment when she had first taken that outstretched hand She lifted her
eyes to his and said with reverential fervour »The God of our fathers bless you
and deliver you from all evil as you have delivered me I did not believe there
was any man so good None before have thought me worthy of the best You found
me poor and miserable yet you have given me the best«
Deronda could not speak but with silent adieux to the Meyricks hurried
away
Book III
Maidens Choosing
Chapter XIX
»I pity the man who can travel from Dan to Beersheba and say Tis
all barren and so it is and so is all the world to him who will
not cultivate the fruits it offers«
Sterne Sentimental Journey
To say that Deronda was romantic would be to misrepresent him but under his
calm and somewhat selfrepressed exterior there was a fervour which made him
easily find poetry and romance among the events of everyday life And perhaps
poetry and romance are as plentiful as ever in the world except for those
phlegmatic natures who I suspect would in any age have regarded them as a dull
form of erroneous thinking They exist very easily in the same room with the
microscope and even in railway carriages what banishes them is the vacuum in
gentlemen and lady passengers How should all the apparatus of heaven and earth
from the farthest firmament to the tender bosom of the mother who nourished us
make poetry for a mind that has no movements of awe and tenderness no sense of
fellowship which thrills from the near to the distant and back again from the
distant to the near
To Deronda this event of finding Mirah was as heartstirring as anything
that befell Orestes or Rinaldo He sat up half the night living again through
the moments since he had first discerned Mirah on the riverbrink with the
fresh and fresh vividness which belongs to emotive memory When he took up a
book to try and dull this urgency of inward vision the printed words were no
more than a network through which he saw and heard everything as clearly as
before saw not only the actual events of two hours but possibilities of what
had been and what might be which those events were enough to feed with the warm
blood of passionate hope and fear Something in his own experience caused
Mirahs search after her mother to lay hold with peculiar force on his
imagination The first prompting of sympathy was to aid her in the search if
given persons were extant in London there were ways of finding them as subtle
as scientific experiment the right machinery being set at work But here the
mixed feelings which belonged to Derondas kindred experience naturally
transfused themselves into his anxiety on behalf of Mirah
The desire to know his own mother or to know about her was constantly
haunted with dread and in imagining what might befall Mirah it quickly occurred
to him that finding the mother and brother from whom she had been parted when
she was a little one might turn out to be a calamity When she was in the boat
she said that her mother and brother were good but the goodness might have been
chiefly in her own ignorant innocence and yearning memory and the ten or twelve
years since the parting had been time enough for much worsening Spite of his
strong tendency to side with the objects of prejudice and in general with those
who got the worst of it his interest had never been practically drawn towards
existing Jews and the facts he knew about them whether they walked conspicuous
in fine apparel or lurked in bystreets were chiefly of the sort most repugnant
to him Of learned and accomplished Jews he took it for granted that they had
dropped their religion and wished to be merged in the people of their native
lands Scorn flung at a Jew as such would have roused all his sympathy in griefs
of inheritance but the indiscriminate scorn of a race will often strike a
specimen who has well earned it on his own account and might fairly be gibbeted
as a rascally son of Adam It appears that the Caribs who know little of
theology regard thieving as a practice peculiarly connected with Christian
tenets and probably they could allege experimental grounds for this opinion
Deronda could not escape who can knowing ugly stories of Jewish
characteristics and occupations and though one of his favourite protests was
against the severance of past and present history he was like others who shared
his protest in never having cared to reach any more special conclusions about
actual Jews than that they retained the virtues and vices of a longoppressed
race But now that Mirahs longing roused his mind to a closer survey of
details very disagreeable images urged themselves of what it might be to find
out this middleaged Jewess and her son To be sure there was the exquisite
refinement and charm of the creature herself to make a presumption in favour of
her immediate kindred but he must wait to know more perhaps through Mrs
Meyrick he might gather some guiding hints from Mirahs own lips Her voice her
accent her looks all the sweet purity that clothed her as with a consecrating
garment made him shrink the more from giving her either ideally or practically
an association with what was hateful or contaminating But these fine words with
which we fumigate and becloud unpleasant facts are not the language in which we
think Derondas thinking went on in rapid images of what might be he saw
himself guided by some official scout into a dingy street he entered through a
dim doorway and saw a hawkeyed woman roughheaded and unwashed cheapening a
hungry girls last bit of finery or in some quarter only the more hideous for
being smarter he found himself under the breath of a young Jew talkative and
familiar willing to show his acquaintance with gentlemens tastes and not
fastidious in any transactions with which they would favour him and so on
through the brief chapter of his experience in this kind Excuse him his mind
was not apt to run spontaneously into insulting ideas or to practise a form of
wit which identifies Moses with the advertisement sheet but he was just now
governed by dread and if Mirahs parents had been Christian the chief
difference would have been that his forebodings would have been fed with wider
knowledge It was the habit of his mind to connect dread with unknown parentage
and in this case as well as his own there was enough to make the connection
reasonable
But what was to be done with Mirah She needed shelter and protection in the
fullest sense and all his chivalrous sentiment roused itself to insist that the
sooner and the more fully he could engage for her the interest of others besides
himself the better he should fulfil her claims on him He had no right to
provide for her entirely though he might be able to do so the very depth of
the impression she had produced made him desire that she should understand
herself to be entirely independent of him and vague visions of the future which
he tried to dispel as fantastic left their influence in an anxiety stronger than
any motive he could give for it that those who saw his actions closely should
be acquainted from the first with the history of his relation to Mirah He had
learned to hate secrecy about the grand ties and obligations of his life to
hate it the more because a strong spell of interwoven sensibilities hindered him
from breaking such secrecy Deronda had made a vow to himself that since the
truths which disgrace mortals are not all of their own making the truth should
never be made a disgrace to another by his act He was not without terror lest
he should break this vow and fall into the apologetic philosophy which explains
the world into containing nothing better than ones own conduct
At one moment he resolved to tell the whole of his adventure to Sir Hugo and
Lady Mallinger the next morning at breakfast but the possibility that something
quite new might reveal itself on his next visit to Mrs Meyricks checked this
impulse and he finally went to sleep on the conclusion that he would wait until
that visit had been made
Chapter XX
»It will hardly be denied that even in this frail and corrupted
world we sometimes meet persons who in their very mien and aspect
as well as in the whole habit of life manifest such a signature and
stamp of virtue as to make our judgment of them a matter of
intuition rather than the result of continued examination«
Alexander Knox quoted in
Southeys Life of Wesley
Mirah said that she had slept well that night and when she came down in Mabs
black dress her dark hair curling in fresh fibrils as it gradually dried from
its plenteous bath she looked like one who was beginning to take comfort after
the long sorrow and watching which had paled her cheek and made deep blue
semicircles under her eyes It was Mab who carried her breakfast and ushered her
down with some pride in the effect produced by a pair of tiny felt slippers
which she had rushed out to buy because there were no shoes in the house small
enough for Mirah whose borrowed dress ceased about her ankles and displayed the
cheap clothing that moulding itself on her feet seemed an adornment as choice as
the sheaths of buds The farthing buckles were bijoux
»Oh if you please mamma« cried Mab clasping her hands and stooping
towards Mirahs feet as she entered the parlour »look at the slippers how
beautifully they fit I declare she is like the Queen Budoor two delicate
feet the work of the protecting and allrecompensing Creator support her and
I wonder how they can sustain what is above them«
Mirah looked down at her own feet in a childlike way and then smiled at Mrs
Meyrick who was saying inwardly »One could hardly imagine this creature having
an evil thought But wise people would tell me to be cautious« She returned
Mirahs smile and said »I fear the feet have had to sustain their burthen a
little too often lately But today she will rest and be my companion«
»And she will tell you so many things and I shall not hear them« grumbled
Mab who felt herself in the first volume of a delightful romance and obliged to
miss some chapters because she had to go to pupils
Kate was already gone to make sketches along the river and Amy was away on
business errands It was what the mother wished to be alone with this stranger
whose story must be a sorrowful one yet was needful to be told
The small front parlour was as good as a temple that morning The sunlight
was on the river and soft air came in through the open window the walls showed
a glorious silent cloud of witnesses the Virgin soaring amid her cherubic
escort grand Melancholia with her solemn universe the Prophets and Sibyls the
School of Athens the Last Supper mystic groups where faroff ages made one
moment grave Holbein and Rembrandt heads the Tragic Muse lastcentury
children at their musings or their play Italian poets all were there through
the medium of a little black and white The neat mother who had weathered her
troubles and come out of them with a face still cheerful was sorting coloured
wools for her embroidery Hafiz purred on the windowledge the clock on the
mantelpiece ticked without hurry and the occasional sound of wheels seemed to
lie outside the more massive central quiet Mrs Meyrick thought that this quiet
might be the best invitation to speech on the part of her companion and chose
not to disturb it by remark Mirah sat opposite in her former attitude her
hands clasped on her lap her ankles crossed her eyes at first travelling
slowly over the objects around her but finally resting with a sort of placid
reverence on Mrs Meyrick At length she began to speak softly
»I remember my mothers face better than anything yet I was not seven when
I was taken away and I am nineteen now«
»I can understand that« said Mrs Meyrick »There are some earliest things
that last the longest«
»Oh yes it was the earliest I think my life began with waking up and
loving my mothers face it was so near to me and her arms were round me and
she sang to me One hymn she sang so often so often and then she taught me to
sing it with her it was the first I ever sang They were always Hebrew hymns
she sang and because I never knew the meaning of the words they seemed full of
nothing but our love and happiness When I lay in my little bed and it was all
white above me she used to bend over me between me and the white and sing in a
sweet low voice I can dream myself back into that time when I am awake and
often it comes back to me in my sleep my hand is very little I put it up to
her face and she kisses it Sometimes in my dream I begin to tremble and think
that we are both dead but then I wake up and my hand lies like this and for a
moment I hardly know myself But if I could see my mother again I should know
her«
»You must expect some change after twelve years« said Mrs Meyrick gently
»See my grey hair ten years ago it was bright brown The days and the months
pace over us like restless little birds and leave the marks of their feet
backwards and forwards especially when they are like birds with heavy hearts
then they tread heavily«
»Ah I am sure her heart has been heavy for want of me But to feel her joy
if we could meet again and I could make her know how I love her and give her
deep comfort after all her mourning If that could be I should mind nothing I
should be glad that I have lived through my trouble I did despair The world
seemed miserable and wicked none helped me so that I could bear their looks and
words I felt that my mother was dead and death was the only way to her But
then in the last moment yesterday when I longed for the water to close over
me and I thought that death was the best image of mercy then goodness came
to me living and I felt trust in the living And it is strange but I began
to hope that she was living too And now I am with you here this morning
peace and hope have come into me like a flood I want nothing I can wait
because I hope and believe and am grateful oh so grateful You have not
thought evil of me you have not despised me«
Mirah spoke with lowtoned fervour and sat as still as a picture all the
while
»Many others would have felt as we do my dear« said Mrs Meyrick feeling
a mist come over her eyes as she looked at her work
»But I did not meet them they did not come to me«
»How was it that you were taken from your mother«
»Ah I am a long while coming to that It is dreadful to speak of yet I
must tell you I must tell you everything My father it was he who took me
away I thought we were only going on a little journey and I was pleased There
was a box with all my little things in But we went on board a ship and got
farther and farther away from the land Then I was ill and I thought it would
never end it was the first misery and it seemed endless But at last we
landed I knew nothing then and believed what my father said He comforted me
and told me I should go back to my mother But it was America we had reached
and it was long years before we came back to Europe At first I often asked my
father when we were going back and I tried to learn writing fast because I
wanted to write to my mother but one day when he found me trying to write a
letter he took me on his knee and told me that my mother and brother were dead
that was why we did not go back I remember my brother a little he carried me
once but he was not always at home I believed my father when he said that they
were dead I saw them under the earth when he said they were there with their
eyes for ever closed I never thought of its not being true and I used to cry
every night in my bed for a long while Then when she came so often to me in my
sleep I thought she must be living about me though I could not always see her
and that comforted me I was never afraid in the dark because of that and very
often in the day I used to shut my eyes and bury my face and try to see her and
to hear her singing I came to do that at last without shutting my eyes«
Mirah paused with a sweet content in her face as if she were having her
happy vision while she looked out towards the river
»Still your father was not unkind to you I hope« said Mrs Meyrick after
a minute anxious to recall her
»No he petted me and took pains to teach me He was an actor and I found
out after that the Coburg I used to hear of his going to at home was a
theatre But he had more to do with the theatre than acting He had not always
been an actor he had been a teacher and knew many languages His acting was
not very good I think but he managed the stage and wrote and translated
plays An Italian lady a singer lived with us a long time They both taught
me and I had a master besides who made me learn by heart and recite I worked
quite hard though I was so little and I was not nine when I first went on the
stage I could easily learn things and I was not afraid But then and ever
since I hated our way of life My father had money and we had finery about us
in a disorderly way always there were men and women coming and going there was
loud laughing and disputing strutting snapping of fingers jeering faces I
did not like to look at though many petted and caressed me But then I
remembered my mother Even at first when I understood nothing I shrank away
from all those things outside me into companionship with thoughts that were not
like them and I gathered thoughts very fast because I read many things plays
and poetry Shakespeare and Schiller and learned evil and good My father began
to believe that I might be a great singer my voice was considered wonderful for
a child and he had the best teaching for me But it was painful that he boasted
of me and set me to sing for show at any minute as if I had been a musical
box Once when I was nine years old I played the part of a little girl who had
been forsaken and did not know it and sat singing to herself while she played
with flowers I did it without any trouble but the clapping and all the sounds
of the theatre were hateful to me and I never liked the praise I had because
it seemed all very hard and unloving I missed the love and the trust I had been
born into I made a life in my own thoughts quite different from everything
about me I chose what seemed to me beautiful out of the plays and everything
and made my world out of it and it was like a sharp knife always grazing me
that we had two sorts of life which jarred so with each other women looking
good and gentle on the stage and saying good things as if they felt them and
directly after I saw them with coarse ugly manners My father sometimes noticed
my shrinking ways and Signora said one day when I had been rehearsing She will
never be an artist she has no notion of being anybody but herself That does
very well now but byandby you will see she will have no more face and
action than a singingbird My father was angry and they quarrelled I sat
alone and cried because what she had said was like a long unhappy future
unrolled before me I did not want to be an artist but this was what my father
expected of me After a while Signora left us and a governess used to come and
give me lessons in different things because my father began to be afraid of my
singing too much but I still acted from time to time Rebellious feelings grew
stronger in me and I wished to get away from this life but I could not tell
where to go and I dreaded the world Besides I felt it would be wrong to leave
my father I dreaded doing wrong for I thought I might get wicked and hateful
to myself in the same way that many others seemed hateful to me For so long
so long I had never felt my outside world happy and if I got wicked I should
lose my world of happy thoughts where my mother lived with me That was my
childish notion all through those years Oh how long they were«
Mirah fell to musing again
»Had you no teaching about what was your duty« said Mrs Meyrick She did
not like to say »religion« finding herself on inspection rather dim as to what
the Hebrew religion might have turned into at this date
»No only that I ought to do what my father wished He did not follow our
religion at New York and I think he wanted me not to know much about it But
because my mother used to take me to the synagogue and I remembered sitting on
her knee and looking through the railing and hearing the chanting and singing I
longed to go One day when I was quite small I slipped out and tried to find the
synagogue but I lost myself a long while till a pedlar questioned me and took
me home My father missing me had been in much fear and was very angry I too
had been so frightened at losing myself that it was long before I thought of
venturing out again But after Signora left us we went to rooms where our
landlady was a Jewess and observed her religion I asked her to take me with her
to the synagogue and I read in her prayerbooks and Bible and when I had money
enough I asked her to buy me books of my own for these books seemed a closer
companionship with my mother I knew that she must have looked at the very words
and said them In that way I have come to know a little of our religion and the
history of our people besides piecing together what I read in plays and other
books about Jews and Jewesses because I was sure that my mother obeyed her
religion I had left off asking my father about her It is very dreadful to say
it but I began to disbelieve him I had found that he did not always tell the
truth and made promises without meaning to keep them and that raised my
suspicion that my mother and brother were still alive though he had told me that
they were dead For in going over the past again and again as I got older and
knew more I felt sure that my mother had been deceived and had expected to see
us back again after a very little while and my father taking me on his knee and
telling me that my mother and brother were both dead seemed to me now nothing
but a bit of acting to set my mind at rest The cruelty of that falsehood sank
into me and I hated all untruth because of it I wrote to my mother secretly I
knew the street Colman Street where we lived and that it was near Blackfriars
Bridge and the Coburg and that our name was Cohen then though my father called
us Lapidoth because he said it was a name of his forefathers in Poland I
sent my letter secretly but no answer came and I thought there was no hope for
me Our life in America did not last much longer My father suddenly told me we
were to pack up and go to Hamburg and I was rather glad I hoped we might get
among a different sort of people and I knew German quite well some German
plays almost all by heart My father spoke it better than he spoke English I
was thirteen then and I seemed to myself quite old I knew so much and yet so
little I think other children cannot feel as I did I had often wished that I
had been drowned when I was going away from my mother But I set myself to obey
and suffer what else could I do One day when we were on our voyage a new
thought came into my mind I was not very ill that time and I kept on deck a
good deal My father acted and sang and joked to amuse people on board and I
used often to overhear remarks about him One day when I was looking at the sea
and nobody took notice of me I overheard a gentleman say Oh he is one of
those clever Jews a rascal I shouldnt wonder Theres no race like them for
cunning in the men and beauty in the women I wonder what market he means that
daughter for When I heard this it darted into my mind that the unhappiness in
my life came from my being a Jewess and that always to the end the world would
think slightly of me and that I must bear it for I should be judged by that
name and it comforted me to believe that my suffering was part of the
affliction of my people my part in the long song of mourning that has been
going on through ages and ages For if many of our race were wicked and made
merry in their wickedness what was that but part of the affliction borne by
the just among them who were despised for the sins of their brethren But you
have not rejected me«
Mirah had changed her tone in this last sentence having suddenly reflected
that at this moment she had reason not for complaint but for gratitude
»And we will try to save you from being judged unjustly by others my poor
child« said Mrs Meyrick who had now given up all attempt at going on with her
work and sat listening with folded hands and a face hardly less eager than
Mabs would have been »Go on go on tell me all«
»After that we lived in different towns Hamburg and Vienna the longest I
began to study singing again and my father always got money about the theatres
I think he brought a good deal of money from America I never knew why we left
For some time he was in great spirits about my singing and he made me rehearse
parts and act continually He looked forward to my coming out in the opera But
byandby it seemed that my voice would never be strong enough it did not
fulfil its promise My master at Vienna said Dont strain it further it will
never do for the public it is gold but a thread of gold dust My father was
bitterly disappointed we were not so well off at that time I think I have not
quite told you what I felt about my father I knew he was fond of me and meant
to indulge me and that made me afraid of hurting him but he always mistook
what would please me and give me happiness It was his nature to take everything
lightly and I soon left off asking him any question about things that I cared
for much because he always turned them off with a joke He would even ridicule
our own people and once when he had been imitating their movements and their
tones in praying only to make others laugh I could not restrain myself for I
always had an anger in my heart about my mother and when we were alone I
said Father you ought not to mimic our own people before Christians who mock
them would it not be bad if I mimicked you that they might mock you But he
only shrugged his shoulders and laughed and pinched my chin and said You
couldnt do it my dear It was this way of turning off everything that made a
great wall between me and my father and whatever I felt most I took the most
care to hide from him For there were some things when they were laughed at I
could not bear it the world seemed like a hell to me Is this world and all the
life upon it only like a farce or a vaudeville where you find no great
meanings Why then are there tragedies and grand operas where men do difficult
things and choose to suffer I think it is silly to speak of all things as a
joke And I saw that his wishing me to sing the greatest music and parts in
grand operas was only wishing for what would fetch the greatest price That
hemmed in my gratitude for his affectionateness and the tenderest feeling I had
towards him was pity Yes I did sometimes pity him He had aged and changed
Now he was no longer so lively I thought he seemed worse less good to others
and to me Every now and then in the latter years his gaiety went away suddenly
and he would sit at home silent and gloomy or he would come in and fling
himself down and sob just as I have done myself when I have been in trouble If
I put my hand on his knee and said What is the matter father he would make no
answer but would draw my arm round his neck and put his arm round me and go on
crying There never came any confidence between us but oh I was sorry for him
At those moments I knew he must feel his life bitter and I pressed my cheek
against his head and prayed Those moments were what most bound me to him and I
used to think how much my mother once loved him else she would not have married
him
But soon there came the dreadful time We had been at Pesth and we came back
to Vienna In spite of what my master Leo had said my father got me an
engagement not at the opera but to take singing parts at a suburb theatre in
Vienna He had nothing to do with the theatre then I did not understand what he
did but I think he was continually at a gamblinghouse though he was careful
always about taking me to the theatre I was very miserable The plays I acted
in were detestable to me Men came about us and wanted to talk to me women and
men seemed to look at me with a sneering smile it was no better than a fiery
furnace Perhaps I make it worse than it was you dont know that life but the
glare and the faces and my having to go on and act and sing what I hated and
then see people who came to stare at me behind the scenes it was all so much
worse than when I was a little girl I went through with it I did it I had set
my mind to obey my father and work for I saw nothing better that I could do
But I felt that my voice was getting weaker and I knew that my acting was not
good except when it was not really acting but the part was one that I could be
myself in and some feeling within me carried me along That was seldom
Then in the midst of all this the news came to me one morning that my
father had been taken to prison and he had sent for me He did not tell me the
reason why he was there but he ordered me to go to an address he gave me to
see a Count who would be able to get him released The address was to some
public rooms where I was to ask for the Count and beg him to come to my father
I found him and recognised him as a gentleman whom I had seen the other night
for the first time behind the scenes That agitated me for I remembered his way
of looking at me and kissing my hand I thought it was in mockery But I
delivered my errand and he promised to go immediately to my father who came
home again that very evening bringing the Count with him I now began to feel a
horrible dread of this man for he worried me with his attentions his eyes were
always on me I felt sure that whatever else there might be in his mind towards
me below it all there was scorn for the Jewess and the actress And when he
came to me the next day in the theatre and would put my shawl round me a terror
took hold of me I saw that my father wanted me to look pleased The Count was
neither very young nor very old his hair and eyes were pale he was tall and
walked heavily and his face was heavy and grave except when he looked at me He
smiled at me and his smile went through me with horror I could not tell why he
was so much worse to me than other men Some feelings are like our hearing they
come as sounds do before we know their reason My father talked to me about him
when we were alone and praised him said what a good friend he had been I
said nothing because I supposed he had got my father out of prison When the
Count came again my father left the room He asked me if I liked being on the
stage I said No I only acted in obedience to my father He always spoke
French and called me petit ange and such things which I felt insulting I knew
he meant to make love to me and I had it firmly in my mind that a nobleman and
one who was not a Jew could have no love for me that was not half contempt But
then he told me that I need not act any longer he wished me to visit him at his
beautiful place where I might be queen of everything It was difficult to me to
speak I felt so shaken with anger I could only say I would rather stay on the
stage for ever and I left him there Hurrying out of the room I saw my father
sauntering in the passage My heart was crushed I went past him and locked
myself up It had sunk into me that my father was in a conspiracy with that man
against me But the next day he persuaded me to come out he said that I had
mistaken everything and he would explain if I did not come out and act and
fulfil my engagement we should be ruined and he must starve So I went on
acting and for a week or more the Count never came near me My father changed
our lodgings and kept at home except when he went to the theatre with me He
began one day to speak discouragingly of my acting and say I could never go on
singing in public I should lose my voice I ought to think of my future and
not put my nonsensical feelings between me and my fortune He said What will
you do You will be brought down to sing and beg at peoples doors You have had
a splendid offer and ought to accept it I could not speak a horror took
possession of me when I thought of my mother and of him I felt for the first
time that I should not do wrong to leave him But the next day he told me that
he had put an end to my engagement at the theatre and that we were to go to
Prague I was getting suspicious of everything and my will was hardening to act
against him It took us two days to pack and get ready and I had it in my mind
that I might be obliged to run away from my father and then I would come to
London and try if it were possible to find my mother I had a little money and
I sold some things to get more I packed a few clothes in a little bag that I
could carry with me and I kept my mind on the watch My fathers silence his
letting drop that subject of the Counts offer made me feel sure that there
was a plan against me I felt as if it had been a plan to take me to a madhouse
I once saw a picture of a madhouse that I could never forget it seemed to me
very much like some of the life I had seen the people strutting quarrelling
leering the faces with cunning and malice in them It was my will to keep
myself from wickedness and I prayed for help I had seen what despised women
were and my heart turned against my father for I saw always behind him that
man who made me shudder You will think I had not enough reason for my
suspicions and perhaps I had not outside my own feeling but it seemed to me
that my mind had been lit up and all that might be stood out clear and sharp
If I slept it was only to see the same sort of things and I could hardly sleep
at all Through our journey I was everywhere on the watch I dont know why but
it came before me like a real event that my father would suddenly leave me and
I should find myself with the Count where I could not get away from him I
thought God was warning me my mothers voice was in my soul It was dark when
we reached Prague and though the strange bunches of lamps were lit it was
difficult to distinguish faces as we drove along the street My father chose to
sit outside he was always smoking now and I watched everything in spite of
the darkness I do believe I could see better then than ever I did before the
strange clearness within seemed to have got outside me It was not my habit to
notice faces and figures much in the street but this night I saw every one and
when we passed before a great hotel I caught sight only of a back that was
passing in the light of the great bunch of lamps a good way off fell on it I
knew it before the face was turned as it fell into shadow I knew who it was
Help came to me I feel sure help came to me I did not sleep that night I put
on my plainest things the cloak and hat I have worn ever since and I sat
watching for the light and the sound of the doors being unbarred Some one rose
early at four oclock to go to the railway That gave me courage I slipped
out with my little bag under my cloak and none noticed me I had been a long
while attending to the railway guide that I might learn the way to England and
before the sun had risen I was in the train for Dresden Then I cried for joy I
did not know whether my money would last out but I trusted I could sell the
things in my bag and the little rings in my ears and I could live on bread
only My only terror was lest my father should follow me But I never paused I
came on and on and on only eating bread now and then When I got to Brussels
I saw that I should not have enough money and I sold all that I could sell but
here a strange thing happened Putting my hand into the pocket of my cloak I
found a halfnapoleon Wondering and wondering how it came there I remembered
that on the way from Cologne there was a young workman sitting against me I was
frightened at every one and did not like to be spoken to At first he tried to
talk but when he saw that I did not like it he left off It was a long
journey I ate nothing but a bit of bread and he once offered me some of the
food he brought in but I refused it I do believe it was he who put that bit of
gold in my pocket Without it I could hardly have got to Dover and I did walk a
good deal of the way from Dover to London I knew I should look like a miserable
beggargirl I wanted not to look very miserable because if I found my mother
it would grieve her to see me so But oh how vain my hope was that she would be
there to see me come As soon as I set foot in London I began to ask for
Lambeth and Blackfriars Bridge but they were a long way off and I went wrong
At last I got to Blackfriars Bridge and asked for Colman Street People shook
their heads None knew it I saw it in my mind our doorsteps and the white
tiles hung in the windows and the large brick building opposite with wide
doors But there was nothing like it At last when I asked a tradesman where the
Coburg Theatre and Colman Street were he said Oh my little woman thats all
done away with The old streets have been pulled down everything is new I
turned away and felt as if death had laid a hand on me He said Stop stop
young woman what is it youre wanting with Colman Street eh meaning well
perhaps But his tone was what I could not bear and how could I tell him what I
wanted I felt blinded and bewildered with a sudden shock I suddenly felt that
I was very weak and weary and yet where could I go for I looked so poor and
dusty and had nothing with me I looked like a streetbeggar And I was afraid
of all places where I could enter I lost my trust I thought I was forsaken It
seemed that I had been in a fever of hope delirious all the way from Prague
I thought that I was helped and I did nothing but strain my mind forward and
think of finding my mother and now there I stood in a strange world All who
saw me would think ill of me and I must herd with beggars I stood on the
bridge and looked along the river People were going on to a steamboat Many of
them seemed poor and I felt as if it would be a refuge to get away from the
streets perhaps the boat would take me where I could soon get into a solitude
I had still some pence left and I bought a loaf when I went on the boat I
wanted to have a little time and strength to think of life and death How could
I live And now again it seemed that if ever I were to find my mother again
death was the way to her I ate that I might have strength to think The boat
set me down at a place along the river I dont know where and it was late in
the evening I found some large trees apart from the road and I sat down under
them that I might rest through the night Sleep must have soon come to me and
when I awoke it was morning The birds were singing the dew was white about me
I felt chill and oh so lonely I got up and walked and followed the river a long
way and then turned back again There was no reason why I should go anywhere
The world about me seemed like a vision that was hurrying by while I stood still
with my pain My thoughts were stronger than I was they rushed in and forced me
to see all my life from the beginning ever since I was carried away from my
mother I had felt myself a lost child taken up and used by strangers who did
not care what my life was to me but only what I could do for them It seemed
all a weary wandering and heartloneliness as if I had been forced to go to
merrymakings without the expectation of joy And now it was worse I was lost
again and I dreaded lest any stranger should notice me and speak to me I had a
terror of the world None knew me all would mistake me I had seen so many in
my life who made themselves glad with scorning and laughed at anothers shame
What could I do This life seemed to be closing in upon me with a wall of fire
everywhere there was scorching that made me shrink The high sunlight made me
shrink And I began to think that my despair was the voice of God telling me to
die But it would take me long to die of hunger Then I thought of my People
how they had been driven from land to land and been afflicted and multitudes
had died of misery in their wandering was I the first And in the wars and
troubles when Christians were cruelest our fathers had sometimes slain their
children and afterwards themselves it was to save them from being false
apostates That seemed to make it right for me to put an end to my life for
calamity had closed me in too and I saw no pathway but to evil But my mind got
into war with itself for there were contrary things in it I knew that some had
held it wrong to hasten their own death though they were in the midst of
flames and while I had some strength left it was a longing to bear if I ought
to bear else where was the good of all my life It had not been happy since
the first years when the light came every morning I used to think I will bear
it But always before I had some hope now it was gone With these thoughts I
wandered and wandered inwardly crying to the Most High from whom I should not
flee in death more than in life though I had no strong faith that He cared for
me The strength seemed departing from my soul deep below all my cries was the
feeling that I was alone and forsaken The more I thought the wearier I got
till it seemed I was not thinking at all but only the sky and the river and the
Eternal God were in my soul And what was it whether I died or lived If I lay
down to die in the river was it more than lying down to sleep for there too
I committed my soul I gave myself up I could not hear memories any more I
could only feel what was present in me it was all one longing to cease from my
weary life which seemed only a pain outside the great peace that I might enter
into That was how it was When the evening came and the sun was gone it seemed
as if that was all I had to wait for And a new strength came into me to will
what I would do You know what I did I was going to die You know what happened
did he not tell you Faith came to me again I was not forsaken He told you
how he found me«
Mrs Meyrick gave no audible answer but pressed her lips against Mirahs
forehead
»Shes just a pearl the mud has only washed her« was the fervid little womans
closing commentary when têteàtête with Deronda in the back parlour that
evening she had conveyed Mirahs story to him with much vividness
»What is your feeling about a search for this mother« said Deronda »Have
you no fears I have I confess«
»Oh I believe the mothers good« said Mrs Meyrick with rapid
decisiveness »or was good She may be dead thats my fear A good woman you
may depend you may know it by the scoundrel the father is Where did the child
get her goodness from Wheaten flour has to be accounted for«
Deronda was rather disappointed at this answer he had wanted a confirmation
of his own judgment and he began to put in demurrers The argument about the
mother would not apply to the brother and Mrs Meyrick admitted that the
brother might be an ugly likeness of the father Then as to advertising if the
name was Cohen you might as well advertise for two undescribed terriers and
here Mrs Meyrick helped him for the idea of an advertisement already
mentioned to Mirah had roused the poor childs terror she was convinced that
her father would see it he saw everything in the papers Certainly there were
safer means than advertising men might be set to work whose business it was to
find missing persons but Deronda wished Mrs Meyrick to feel with him that it
would be wiser to wait before seeking a dubious perhaps a deplorable result
especially as he was engaged to go abroad the next week for a couple of months
If a search were made he would like to be at hand so that Mrs Meyrick might
not be unaided in meeting any consequences supposing that she would generously
continue to watch over Mirah
»We should be very jealous of any one who took the task from us« said Mrs
Meyrick »She will stay under my roof there is Hanss old room for her«
»Will she be content to wait« said Deronda anxiously
»No trouble there It is not her nature to run into planning and devising
only to submit See how she submitted to that father It was a wonder to herself
how she found the will and contrivance to run away from him About finding her
mother her only notion now is to trust since you were sent to save her and we
are good to her she trusts that her mother will be found in the same unsought
way And when she is talking I catch her feeling like a child«
Mrs Meyrick hoped that the sum Deronda put into her hands as a provision
for Mirahs wants was more than would be needed after a little while Mirah
would perhaps like to occupy herself as the other girls did and make herself
independent Deronda pleaded that she must need a long rest
»Oh yes we will hurry nothing« said Mrs Meyrick »Rely upon it she shall
be taken tender care of If you like to give me your address abroad I will
write to let you know how we get on It is not fair that we should have all the
pleasure of her salvation to ourselves And besides I want to make believe that
I am doing something for you as well as for Mirah«
»That is no makebelieve What should I have done without you last night
Everything would have gone wrong I shall tell Hans that the best of having him
for a friend is knowing his mother«
After that they joined the girls in the other room where Mirah was seated
placidly while the others were telling her what they knew about Mr Deronda
his goodness to Hans and all the virtues that Hans had reported of him
»Kate burns a pastille before his portrait every day« said Mab »And I
carry his signature in a little blacksilk bag round my neck to keep off the
cramp And Amy says the multiplicationtable in his name We must all do
something extra in honour of him now he has brought you to us«
»I suppose he is too great a person to want anything« said Mirah smiling
at Mab and appealing to the graver Amy »He is perhaps very high in the world«
»He is very much above us in rank« said Amy »He is related to grand
people I daresay he leans on some of the satin cushions we prick our fingers
over«
»I am glad he is of high rank« said Mirah with her usual quietness
»Now why are you glad of that« said Amy rather suspicious of this
sentiment and on the watch for Jewish peculiarities which had not appeared
»Because I have always disliked men of high rank before«
»Oh Mr Deronda is not so very high« said Kate »He need not hinder us
from thinking ill of the whole peerage and baronetage if we like«
When he entered Mirah rose with the same look of grateful reverence that
she had lifted to him the evening before impossible to see a creature freer at
once from embarrassment and boldness Her theatrical training had left no
recognisable trace probably her manners had not much changed since she played
the forsaken child at nine years of age and she had grown up in her simplicity
and truthfulness like a little flowerseed that absorbs the chance confusion of
its surroundings into its own definite mould of beauty Deronda felt that he was
making acquaintance with something quite new to him in the form of womanhood
For Mirah was not childlike from ignorance her experience of evil and trouble
was deeper and stranger than his own He felt inclined to watch her and listen
to her as if she had come from a faroff shore inhabited by a race different
from our own
But for that very reason he made his visit brief with his usual activity of
imagination as to how his conduct might affect others he shrank from what might
seem like curiosity or the assumption of a right to know as much as he pleased
of one to whom he had done a service For example he would have liked to hear
her sing but he would have felt the expression of such a wish to be a rudeness
in him since she could not refuse and he would all the while have a sense
that she was being treated like one whose accomplishments were to be ready on
demand And whatever reverence could be shown to woman he was bent on showing
to this girl Why He gave himself several good reasons but whatever one does
with a strong unhesitating outflow of will has a store of motive that it would
be hard to put into words Some deeds seem little more than interjections which
give vent to the long passion of a life
So Deronda soon took his farewell for the two months during which he
expected to be absent from London and in a few days he was on his way with Sir
Hugo and Lady Mallinger to Leubronn
He had fulfilled his intention of telling them about Mirah The baronet was
decidedly of opinion that the search for the mother and brother had better be
let alone Lady Mallinger was much interested in the poor girl observing that
there was a Society for the Conversion of the Jews and that it was to be hoped
Mirah would embrace Christianity but perceiving that Sir Hugo looked at her
with amusement she concluded that she had said something foolish Lady
Mallinger felt apologetically about herself as a woman who had produced nothing
but daughters in a case where sons were required and hence regarded the
apparent contradictions of the world as probably due to the weakness of her own
understanding But when she was much puzzled it was her habit to say to
herself »I will ask Daniel« Deronda was altogether a convenience in the
family and Sir Hugo too after intending to do the best for him had begun to
feel that the pleasantest result would be to have this substitute for a son
always ready at his elbow
This was the history of Deronda so far as he knew it up to the time of
that visit to Leubronn in which he saw Gwendolen Harleth at the gamingtable
Chapter XXI
It is a common sentence that Knowledge is power but who hath duly
considered or set forth the power of Ignorance Knowledge slowly
builds up what Ignorance in an hour pulls down Knowledge through
patient and frugal centuries enlarges discovery and makes record of
it Ignorance wanting its days dinner lights a fire with the
record and gives a flavour to its one roast with the burnt souls of
many generations Knowledge instructing the sense refining and
multiplying needs transforms itself into skill and makes life
various with a new six days work comes Ignorance drunk on the
seventh with a firkin of oil and a match and an easy »Let there not
be« and the manycoloured creation is shrivelled up in blackness
Of a truth Knowledge is power but it is a power reined by scruple
having a conscience of what must be and what may be whereas
Ignorance is a blind giant who let him but wax unbound would make
it a sport to seize the pillars that hold up the longwrought fabric
of human good and turn all the places of joy dark as a buried
Babylon And looking at life parcel wise in the growth of a single
lot who having a practised vision may not see that ignorance of the
true bond between events and false conceit of means whereby
sequences may be compelled like that falsity of eyesight which
overlooks the gradations of distance seeing that which is afar off
as if it were within a step or a grasp precipitates the mistaken
soul on destruction
It was halfpast ten in the morning when Gwendolen Harleth after her gloomy
journey from Leubronn arrived at the station from which she must drive to
Offendene No carriage or friend was awaiting her for in the telegram she had
sent from Dover she had mentioned a later train and in her impatience of
lingering at a London station she had set off without picturing what it would be
to arrive unannounced at half an hours drive from home at one of those
stations which have been fixed on not as near anywhere but as equidistant from
everywhere Deposited as a feme sole with her large trunks and having to wait
while a vehicle was being got from the largesized lantern called the Railway
Inn Gwendolen felt that the dirty paint in the waitingroom the dusty decanter
of flat water and the texts in large letters calling on her to repent and be
converted were part of the dreary prospect opened by her family troubles and
she hurried away to the outer door looking towards the lane and fields But here
the very gleams of sunshine seemed melancholy for the autumnal leaves and grass
were shivering and the wind was turning up the feathers of a cock and two
croaking hens which had doubtless parted with their grownup offspring and did
not know what to do with themselves The railway official also seemed without
resources and his innocent demeanour in observing Gwendolen and her trunks was
rendered intolerable by the cast in his eye especially since being a new man
he did not know her and must conclude that she was not very high in the world
The vehicle a dirty old barouche was within sight and was being slowly
prepared by an elderly labourer Contemptible details these to make part of a
history yet the turn of most lives is hardly to be accounted for without them
They are continually entering with cumulative force into a mood until it gets
the mass and momentum of a theory or a motive Even philosophy is not quite free
from such determining influences and to be dropt solitary at an ugly
irrelevantlooking spot with a sense of no income on the mind might well prompt
a man to discouraging speculation on the origin of things and the reason of a
world where a subtle thinker found himself so badly off How much more might
such trifles tell on a young lady equipped for society with a fastidious taste
an Indian shawl over her arm some twenty cubic feet of trunks by her side and
a mortal dislike to the new consciousness of poverty which was stimulating her
imagination of disagreeables At any rate they told heavily on poor Gwendolen
and helped to quell her resistant spirit What was the good of living in the
midst of hardships ugliness and humiliation This was the beginning of being
at home again and it was a sample of what she had to expect
Here was the theme on which her discontent rung its sad changes during her
slow drive in the uneasy barouche with one great trunk squeezing the meek
driver and the other fastened with a rope on the seat in front of her Her
ruling vision all the way from Leubronn had been that the family would go abroad
again for of course there must be some little income left her mamma did not
mean that they would have literally nothing To go to a dull place abroad and
live poorly was the dismal future that threatened her she had seen plenty of
poor English people abroad and imagined herself plunged in the despised dulness
of their illplenished lives with Alice Bertha Fanny and Isabel all growing
up in tediousness around her while she advanced towards thirty and her mamma
got more and more melancholy But she did not mean to submit and let misfortune
do what it would with her she had not yet quite believed in the misfortune but
weariness and disgust with this wretched arrival had begun to affect her like
an uncomfortable waking worse than the uneasy dreams which had gone before The
selfdelight with which she had kissed her image in the glass had faded before
the sense of futility in being anything whatever charming clever resolute
what was the good of it all Events might turn out anyhow and men were hateful
Yes men were hateful Those few words were filled out with very vivid memories
But in these last hours a certain change had come over their meaning It is one
thing to hate stolen goods and another thing to hate them the more because
their being stolen hinders us from making use of them Gwendolen had begun to be
angry with Grandcourt for being what had hindered her from marrying him angry
with him as the cause of her present dreary lot
But the slow drive was nearly at an end and the lumbering vehicle coming up
the avenue was within sight of the windows A figure appearing under the portico
brought a rush of new and less selfish feeling in Gwendolen and when springing
from the carriage she saw the dear beautiful face with fresh lines of sadness in
it she threw her arms round her mothers neck and for the moment felt all
sorrows only in relation to her mothers feeling about them
Behind of course were the sad faces of the four superfluous girls each
poor thing like those other many thousand sisters of us all having her
peculiar world which was of no importance to any one else but all of them
feeling Gwendolens presence to be somehow a relenting of misfortune where
Gwendolen was something interesting would happen even her hurried submission
to their kisses and »Now go away girls« carried the sort of comfort which all
weakness finds in decision and authoritativeness Good Miss Merry whose air of
meek depression hitherto held unaccountable in a governess affectionately
attached to the family was now at the general level of circumstances did not
expect any greeting but busied herself with the trunks and the coachmans pay
while Mrs Davilow and Gwendolen hastened upstairs and shut themselves in the
black and yellow bedroom
»Never mind mamma dear« said Gwendolen tenderly pressing her handkerchief
against the tears that were rolling down Mrs Davilows cheeks »Never mind I
dont mind I will do something I will be something Things will come right It
seemed worse because I was away Come now you must be glad because I am here«
Gwendolen felt every word of that speech A rush of compassionate tenderness
stirred all her capability of generous resolution and the selfconfident
projects which had vaguely glanced before her during her journey sprang
instantaneously into new definiteness Suddenly she seemed to perceive how she
could be »something« It was one of her best moments and the fond mother
forgetting everything below that tidemark looked at her with a sort of
adoration She said
»Bless you my good good darling I can be happy if you can«
But later in the day there was an ebb the old slippery rocks the old weedy
places reappeared Naturally there was a shrinking of courage as misfortune
ceased to be a mere announcement and began to disclose itself as a grievous
tyrannical inmate At first that ugly drive at an end it was still Offendene
that Gwendolen had come home to and all surroundings of immediate consequence
to her were still there to secure her personal ease the roomy stillness of the
large solid house while she rested all the luxuries of her toilet cared for
without trouble to her and a little tray with her favourite food brought to her
in private For she had said »Keep them all away from us today mamma Let you
and me be alone together«
When Gwendolen came down into the drawingroom fresh as a newlydipped
swan and sat leaning against the cushions of the settee beside her mamma their
misfortune had not yet turned its face and breath upon her She felt prepared to
hear everything and began in a tone of deliberate intention
»What have you thought of doing exactly mamma«
»Oh my dear the next thing to be done is to move away from this house Mr
Haynes most fortunately is as glad to have it now as he would have been when we
took it Lord Brackenshaws agent is to arrange everything with him to the best
advantage for us Bazley you know not at all an illnatured man«
»I cannot help thinking that Lord Brackenshaw would let you stay here
rentfree mamma« said Gwendolen whose talents had not been applied to
business so much as to discernment of the admiration excited by her charms
»My dear child Lord Brackenshaw is in Scotland and knows nothing about us
Neither your uncle nor I would choose to apply to him Besides what could we do
in this house without servants and without money to warm it The sooner we are
out the better We have nothing to carry but our clothes you know«
»I suppose you mean to go abroad then« said Gwendolen After all this is
what she had familiarised her mind with
»Oh no dear no How could we travel You never did learn anything about
income and expenses« said Mrs Davilow trying to smile and putting her hand
on Gwendolens as she added mournfully »that makes it so much harder for you
my pet«
»But where are we to go« said Gwendolen with a trace of sharpness in her
tone She felt a new current of fear passing through her
»It is all decided A little furniture is to be got in from the rectory
all that can be spared« Mrs Davilow hesitated She dreaded the reality for
herself less than the shock she must give Gwendolen who looked at her with
tense expectancy but was silent
»It is Sawyers Cottage we are to go to«
At first Gwendolen remained silent paling with anger justifiable anger
in her opinion Then she said with haughtiness
»That is impossible Something else than that ought to have been thought of
My uncle ought not to allow that I will not submit to it«
»My sweet child what else could have been thought of Your uncle I am
sure is as kind as he can be but he is suffering himself he has his family to
bring up And do you quite understand You must remember we have nothing We
shall have absolutely nothing except what he and my sister give us They have
been as wise and active as possible and we must try to earn something I and
the girls are going to work a tablecloth border for the Ladies Charity at
Wanchester and a communion cloth that the parishioners are to present to
Pennicote Church«
Mrs Davilow went into these details timidly but how else was she to bring
the fact of their position home to this poor child who alas must submit at
present whatever might be in the background for her and she herself had a
superstition that there must be something better in the background
»But surely somewhere else than Sawyers Cottage might have been found«
Gwendolen persisted taken hold of as if in a nightmare by the image of this
house where an exciseman had lived
»No indeed dear Yon know houses are scarce and we may be thankful to get
anything go private It is not so very bad There are two little parlours and
four bedrooms You shall sit alone whenever you like«
The ebb of sympathetic care for her mamma had gone so low just now that
Gwendolen took no notice of these deprecatory words
»I cannot conceive that all your property is gone at once mamma How can
you be sure in so short a time It is not a week since you wrote to me«
»The first news came much earlier dear But I would not spoil your pleasure
till it was quite necessary«
»Oh how vexatious« said Gwendolen colouring with fresh anger »If I had
known I could have brought home the money I had won and for want of knowing I
stayed and lost it I had nearly two hundred pounds and it would have done for
us to live on a little while till I could carry out some plan« She paused an
instant and then added more impetuously »Everything has gone against me People
have come near me only to blight me«
Among the »people« she was including Deronda If he had not interfered in
her life she would have gone to the gamingtable again with a few napoleons and
might have won back her losses
»We must resign ourselves to the will of Providence my child« said poor
Mrs Davilow startled by this revelation of the gambling but not daring to say
more She felt sure that »people« meant Grandcourt about whom her lips were
sealed And Gwendolen answered immediately
»But I dont resign myself I shall do what I can against it What is the
good of calling peoples wickedness Providence You said in your letter it was
Mr Lassmanns fault we had lost our money Has he run away with it all«
»No dear you dont understand There were great speculations he meant to
gain It was all about mines and things of that sort He risked too much«
»I dont call that Providence it was his improvidence with our money and
he ought to be punished Cant we go to law and recover our fortune My uncle
ought to take measures and not sit down by such wrongs We ought to go to law«
»My dear child law can never bring back money lost in that way Your uncle
says it is milk spilt upon the ground Besides one must have a fortune to get
any law there is no law for people who are ruined And our money has only gone
along with other peoples We are not the only sufferers others have to resign
themselves besides us«
»But I dont resign myself to live at Sawyers Cottage and see you working
for sixpences and shillings because of that I shall not do it I shall do what
is more befitting our rank and education«
»I am sure your uncle and all of us will approve of that dear and admire
you the more for it« said Mrs Davilow glad of an unexpected opening for
speaking on a difficult subject »I didnt mean that you should resign yourself
to worse when anything better offered itself Both your uncle and aunt have felt
that your abilities and education were a fortune for you and they have already
heard of something within your reach«
»What is that mamma« Some of Gwendolens anger gave way to interest and
she was not without romantic conjectures
»There are two situations that offer themselves One is in a bishops
family where there are three daughters and the other is in quite a high class
of school and in both your French and music and dancing and then your
manners and habits as a lady are exactly what is wanted Each is a hundred
ayear and just for the present« Mrs Davilow had become frightened and
hesitating »to save you from the petty common way of living that we must go
to you would perhaps accept one of the two«
»What be like Miss Graves at Madame Meuniers No«
»I think myself that Dr Momperts would be more suitable There could be
no hardship in a bishops family«
»Excuse me mamma There are hardships everywhere for a governess And I
dont see that it would be pleasanter to be looked down on in a bishops family
than in any other Besides you know very well I hate teaching Fancy me shut up
with three awkward girls something like Alice I would rather emigrate than be a
governess«
What it precisely was to emigrate Gwendolen was not called on to explain
Mrs Davilow was mute seeing no outlet and thinking with dread of the
collision that might happen when Gwendolen had to meet her uncle and aunt There
was an air of reticence in Gwendolens haughty resistant speeches which implied
that she had a definite plan in reserve and her practical ignorance
continually exhibited could not nullify the mothers belief in the
effectiveness of that forcible will and daring which had held the mastery over
herself
»I have some ornaments mamma and I could sell them« said Gwendolen »They
would make a sum I want a little sum just to go on with I daresay Marshall
at Wanchester would take them I know he showed me some bracelets once that he
said he had bought from a lady Jocosa might go and ask him Jocosa is going to
leave us of course But she might do that first«
»She would do anything she could poor dear soul I have not told you yet
she wanted me to take all her savings her three hundred pounds I tell her to
set up a little school It will be hard for her to go into a new family now she
has been so long with us«
»Oh recommend her for the bishops daughters« said Gwendolen with a
sudden gleam of laughter in her face »I am sure she will do better than I
should«
»Do take care not to say such things to your uncle« said Mrs Davilow »He
will be hurt at your despising what he has exerted himself about But I daresay
you have something else in your mind that he might not disapprove if you
consulted him«
»There is some one else I want to consult first Are the Arrowpoints at
Quetcham still and is Herr Klesmer there But I daresay you know nothing about
it poor dear mamma Can Jeffries go on horseback with a note«
»Oh my dear Jeffries is not here and the dealer has taken the horses But
some one could go for us from Leeks farm The Arrowpoints are at Quetcham I
know Miss Arrowpoint left her card the other day I could not see her But I
dont know about Herr Klesmer Do you want to send before tomorrow«
»Yes as soon as possible I will write a note« said Gwendolen rising
»What can you be thinking of Gwen« said Mrs Davilow relieved in the
midst of her wonderment by signs of alacrity and better humour
»Dont mind what theres a dear good mamma« said Gwendolen reseating
herself a moment to give atoning caresses »I mean to do something Never mind
what until it is all settled And then you shall be comforted The dear face
it is ten years older in these three weeks Now now now dont cry«
Gwendolen holding her mammas head with both hands kissed the trembling
eyelids »But mind you dont contradict me or put hindrances in my way I must
decide for myself I cannot be dictated to by my uncle or any one else My life
is my own affair And I think« here her tone took an edge of scorn »I think
I can do better for you than let you live in Sawyers Cottage«
In uttering this last sentence Gwendolen again rose and went to a desk
where she wrote the following note to Klesmer
»Miss Harleth presents her compliments to Herr Klesmer and ventures to
request of him the very great favour that he will call upon her if
possible tomorrow Her reason for presuming so far on his kindness is
of a very serious nature Unfortunate family circumstances have obliged
her to take a course in which she can only turn for advice to the great
knowledge and judgment of Herr Klesmer«
»Pray get this sent to Quetcham at once mamma« said Gwendolen as she
addressed the letter »The man must be told to wait for an answer Let no time
be lost«
For the moment the absorbing purpose was to get the letter despatched but
when she had been assured on this point another anxiety arose and kept her in a
state of uneasy excitement If Klesmer happened not to be at Quetcham what
could she do next Gwendolens belief in her star so to speak had had some
bruises Things had gone against her A splendid marriage which presented itself
within reach had shown a hideous flaw The chances of roulette had not adjusted
themselves to her claims and a man of whom she knew nothing had thrust himself
between her and her intentions The conduct of those uninteresting people who
managed the business of the world had been culpable just in the points most
injurious to her in particular Gwendolen Harleth with all her beauty and
conscious force felt the close threats of humiliation for the first time the
conditions of this world seemed to her like a hurrying roaring crowd in which
she had got astray no more cared for and protected than a myriad of other
girls in spite of its being a peculiar hardship to her If Klesmer were not at
Quetcham that would be all of a piece with the rest the unwelcome negative
urged itself as a probability and set her brain working at desperate
alternatives which might deliver her from Sawyers Cottage or the ultimate
necessity of »taking a situation« a phrase that summed up for her the
disagreeables most wounding to her pride most irksome to her tastes at least
so far as her experience enabled her to imagine disagreeables
Still Klesmer might be there and Gwendolen thought of the result in that
case with a hopefulness which even cast a satisfactory light over her peculiar
troubles as what might well enter into the biography of celebrities and
remarkable persons And if she had heard her immediate acquaintances
crossexamined as to whether they thought her remarkable the first who said
»No« would have surprised her
Chapter XXII
We please our fancy with ideal webs
Of innovation but our life meanwhile
Is in the loom where busy passion plies
The shuttle to and fro and gives our deeds
The accustomed pattern
Gwendolens note coming »pat betwixt too early and too late« was put into
Klesmers hands just when he was leaving Quetcham and in order to meet her
appeal to his kindness he with some inconvenience to himself spent the night at
Wanchester There were reasons why he would not remain at Quetcham
That magnificent mansion fitted with regard to the greatest expense had in
fact become too hot for him its owners having like some great politicians
been astonished at an insurrection against the established order of things
which we plain people after the event can perceive to have been prepared under
their very noses
There were as usual many guests in the house and among them one in whom
Miss Arrowpoint foresaw a new pretender to her hand a political man of good
family who confidently expected a peerage and felt on public grounds that he
required a larger fortune to support the title properly Heiresses vary and
persons interested in one of them beforehand are prepared to find that she is
too yellow or too red tall and toppling or short and square violent and
capricious or moony and insipid but in every case it is taken for granted that
she will consider herself an appendage to her fortune and marry where others
think her fortune ought to go Nature however not only accommodates herself
ill to our favourite practices by making »only children« daughters but also now
and then endows the misplaced daughter with a clear head and a strong will The
Arrowpoints had already felt some anxiety owing to these endowments of their
Catherine She would not accept the view of her social duty which required her
to marry a needy nobleman or a commoner on the ladder towards nobility and they
were not without uneasiness concerning her persistence in declining suitable
offers As to the possibility of her being in love with Klesmer they were not at
all uneasy a very common sort of blindness For in general mortals have a
great power of being astonished at the presence of an effect towards which they
have done everything and at the absence of an effect towards which they have
done nothing but desire it Parents are astonished at the ignorance of their
sons though they have used the most timehonoured and expensive means of
securing it husbands and wives are mutually astonished at the loss of affection
which they have taken no pains to keep and all of us in our turn are apt to be
astonished that our neighbours do not admire us In this way it happens that the
truth seems highly improbable The truth is something different from the
habitual lazy combinations begotten by our wishes The Arrowpoints hour of
astonishment was come
When there is a passion between an heiress and a proud independentspirited
man it is difficult for them to come to an understanding but the difficulties
are likely to be overcome unless the proud man secures himself by a constant
alibi Brief meetings after studied absence are potent in disclosure but more
potent still is frequent companionship with full sympathy in taste and
admirable qualities on both sides especially where the one is in the position
of teacher and the other is delightedly conscious of receptive ability which
also gives the teacher delight The situation is famous in history and has no
less charm now than it had in the days of Abelard
But this kind of comparison had not occurred to the Arrowpoints when they
first engaged Klesmer to come down to Quetcham To have a firstrate musician in
your house is a privilege of wealth Catherines musical talent demanded every
advantage and she particularly desired to use her quieter time in the country
for more thorough study Klesmer was not yet a Liszt understood to be adored by
ladies of all European countries with the exception of Lapland and even with
that understanding it did not follow that he would make proposals to an heiress
No musician of honour would do so Still less was it conceivable that Catherine
would give him the slightest pretext for such daring The large cheque that Mr
Arrowpoint was to draw in Klesmers name seemed to make him as safe an inmate as
a footman Where marriage is inconceivable a girls sentiments are safe
Klesmer was eminently a man of honour but marriages rarely begin with
formal proposals and moreover Catherines limit of the conceivable did not
exactly correspond with her mothers
Outsiders might have been more apt to think that Klesmers position was
dangerous for himself if Miss Arrowpoint had been an acknowledged beauty not
taking into account that the most powerful of all beauty is that which reveals
itself after sympathy and not before it There is a charm of eye and lip which
comes with every little phrase that certifies delicate perception or fine
judgment with every unostentatious word or smile that shows a heart awake to
others and no sweep of garment or turn of figure is more satisfying than that
which enters as a restoration of confidence that one person is present on whom
no intention will be lost What dignity of meaning goes on gathering in frowns
and laughs which are never observed in the wrong place what suffused
adorableness in a human frame where there is a mind that can flash out
comprehension and hands that can execute finely The more obvious beauty also
adorable sometimes one may say it without blasphemy begins by being an
apology for folly and ends like other apologies in becoming tiresome by
iteration and that Klesmer though very susceptible to it should have a
passionate attachment to Miss Arrowpoint was no more a paradox than any other
triumph of a manifold sympathy over a monotonous attraction We object less to
be taxed with the enslaving excess of our passions than with our deficiency in
wider passion but if the truth were known our reputed intensity is often the
dulness of not knowing what else to do with ourselves Tannhäuser one suspects
was a knight of illfurnished imagination hardly of larger discourse than a
heavy Guardsman Merlin had certainly seen his best days and was merely
repeating himself when he fell into that hopeless captivity and we know that
Ulysses felt so manifest an ennui under similar circumstances that Calypso
herself furthered his departure There is indeed a report that he afterwards
left Penelope but since she was habitually absorbed in worsted work and it was
probably from her that Telemachus got his mean pettifogging disposition always
anxious about the property and the daily consumption of meat no inference can
be drawn from this already dubious scandal as to the relation between
companionship and constancy
Klesmer was as versatile and fascinating as a young Ulysses on a sufficient
acquaintance one whom nature seemed to have first made generously and then to
have added music as a dominant power using all the abundant rest and as in
Mendelssohn finding expression for itself not only in the highest finish of
execution but in that fervour of creative work and theoretic belief which
pierces the whole future of a life with the light of congruous devoted purpose
His foibles of arrogance and vanity did not exceed such as may be found in the
best English families and Catherine Arrowpoint had no corresponding
restlessness to clash with his notwithstanding her native kindliness she was
perhaps too coolly firm and selfsustained But she was one of those
satisfactory creatures whose intercourse has the charm of discovery whose
integrity of faculty and expression begets a wish to know what they will say on
all subjects or how they will perform whatever they undertake so that they end
by raising not only a continual expectation but a continual sense of fulfilment
the systole and diastole of blissful companionship In such cases the outward
presentment easily becomes what the image is to the worshipper It was not long
before the two became aware that each was interesting to the other but the how
far remained a matter of doubt Klesmer did not conceive that Miss Arrowpoint
was likely to think of him as a possible lover and she was not accustomed to
think of herself as likely to stir more than a friendly regard or to fear the
expression of more from any man who was not enamoured of her fortune Each was
content to suffer some unshared sense of denial for the sake of loving the
others society a little too well and under these conditions no need had been
felt to restrict Klesmers visits for the last year either in country or in
town He knew very well that if Miss Arrowpoint had been poor he would have made
ardent love to her instead of sending a storm through the piano or folding his
arms and pouring out a hyperbolical tirade about something as impersonal as the
north pole and she was not less aware that if it had been possible for Klesmer
to wish for her hand she would have found overmastering reasons for giving it to
him Here was the safety of full cups which are as secure from overflow as the
halfempty always supposing no disturbance Naturally silent feeling had not
remained at the same point any more than the stealthy dialhand and in the
present visit to Quetcham Klesmer had begun to think that he would not come
again while Catherine was more sensitive to his frequent brusquerie which she
rather resented as a needless effort to assert his footing of superior in every
sense except the conventional
Meanwhile enters the expectant peer Mr Bult an esteemed party man who
rather neutral in private life had strong opinions concerning the districts of
the Niger was much at home also in the Brazils spoke with decision of affairs
in the South Seas was studious of his Parliamentary and itinerant speeches and
had the general solidity and suffusive pinkness of a healthy Briton on the
central tableland of life Catherine aware of a tacit understanding that he
was an undeniable husband for an heiress had nothing to say against him but
that he was thoroughly tiresome to her Mr Bult was amiably confident and had
no idea that his insensibility to counterpoint could ever be reckoned against
him Klesmer he hardly regarded in the light of a serious human being who ought
to have a vote and he did not mind Miss Arrowpoints addiction to music any
more than her probable expenses in antique lace He was consequently a little
amazed at an afterdinner outburst of Klesmers on the lack of idealism in
English politics which left all mutuality between distant races to be
determined simply by the need of a market the crusades to his mind had at
least this excuse that they had a banner of sentiment round which generous
feelings could rally of course the scoundrels rallied too but what then they
rally in equal force round your advertisement van of »Buy cheap sell dear« On
this theme Klesmers eloquence gesticulatory and other went on for a little
while like stray fireworks accidentally ignited and then sank into immovable
silence Mr Bult was not surprised that Klesmers opinions should be flighty
but was astonished at his command of English idiom and his ability to put a
point in a way that would have told at a constituents dinner to be accounted
for probably by his being a Pole or a Czech or something of that fermenting
sort in a state of political refugeeism which had obliged him to make a
profession of his music and that evening in the drawingroom he for the first
time went up to Klesmer at the piano Miss Arrowpoint being near and said
»I had no idea before that you were a political man« Klesmers only answer
was to fold his arms put out his nether lip and stare at Mr Bult
»You must have been used to public speaking You speak uncommonly well
though I dont agree with you From what you said about sentiment I fancy you
are a Panslavist«
»No my name is Elijah I am the Wandering Jew« said Klesmer flashing a
smile at Miss Arrowpoint and suddenly making a mysterious windlike rush
backwards and forwards on the piano Mr Bult felt this buffoonery rather
offensive and Polish but Miss Arrowpoint being there did not like to move
away
»Herr Klesmer has cosmopolitan ideas« said Miss Arrowpoint trying to make
the best of the situation »He looks forward to a fusion of races«
»With all my heart« said Mr Bult willing to be gracious »I was sure he
had too much talent to be a mere musician«
»Ah sir you are under some mistake there« said Klesmer firing up »No
man has too much talent to be a musician Most men have too little A creative
artist is no more a mere musician than a great statesman is a mere politician
We are not ingenious puppets sir who live in a box and look out on the world
only when it is gaping for amusement We help to rule the nations and make the
age as much as any other public men We count ourselves on level benches with
legislators And a man who speaks effectively through music is compelled to
something more difficult than parliamentary eloquence«
With the last word Klesmer wheeled from the piano and walked away
Miss Arrowpoint coloured and Mr Bult observed with his usual phlegmatic
stolidity »Your pianist does not think small beer of himself«
»Herr Klesmer is something more than a pianist« said Miss Arrowpoint
apologetically »He is a great musician in the fullest sense of the word He
will rank with Schubert and Mendelssohn«
»Ah you ladies understand these things« said Mr Bult none the less
convinced that these things were frivolous because Klesmer had shown himself a
coxcomb
Catherine always sorry when Klesmer gave himself airs found an opportunity
the next day in the musicroom to say »Why were you so heated last night with
Mr Bult He meant no harm«
»You wish me to be complaisant to him« said Klesmer rather fiercely
»I think it is hardly worth your while to be other than civil«
»You find no difficulty in tolerating him then you have a respect for a
political platitudinarian as insensible as an ox to everything he cant turn
into political capital You think his monumental obtuseness suited to the
dignity of the English gentleman«
»I did not say that«
»You mean that I acted without dignity and you are offended with me«
»Now you are slightly nearer the truth« said Catherine smiling
»Then I had better put my burialclothes in my portmanteau and set off at
once«
»I dont see that If I have to bear your criticism of my operetta you
should not mind my criticism of your impatience«
»But I do mind it You would have wished me to take his ignorant
impertinence about a mere musician without letting him know his place I am to
hear my gods blasphemed as well as myself insulted But I beg pardon It is
impossible you should see the matter as I do Even you cant understand the
wrath of the artist he is of another caste for you«
»That is true« said Catherine with some betrayal of feeling »He is of a
caste to which I look up a caste above mine«
Klesmer who had been seated at a table looking over scores started up and
walked to a little distance from which he said
»That is finely felt I am grateful But I had better go all the same I
have made up my mind to go for good and all You can get on exceedingly well
without me your operetta is on wheels it will go of itself And your Mr
Bults company fits me wie die Faust ins Auge I am neglecting my engagements I
must go off to St Petersburg«
There was no answer
»You agree with me that I had better go« said Klesmer with some
irritation
»Certainly if that is what your business and feeling prompt I have only to
wonder that you have consented to give us so much of your time in the last year
There must be treble the interest to you anywhere else I have never thought of
your consenting to come here as anything else than a sacrifice«
»Why should I make the sacrifice« said Klesmer going to seat himself at
the piano and touching the keys so as to give with the delicacy of an echo in
the far distance a melody which he had set to Heines »Ich hab dich geliebet
und liebe dich noch«
»That is the mystery« said Catherine not wanting to affect anything but
from mere agitation From the same cause she was tearing a piece of paper into
minute morsels as if at a task of utmost multiplication imposed by a cruel
fairy
»You can conceive no motive« said Klesmer folding his arms
»None that seems in the least probable«
»Then I shall tell you It is because you are to me the chief woman in the
world the throned lady whose colours I carry between my heart and my armour«
Catherines hands trembled so much that she could no longer tear the paper
still less could her lips utter a word Klesmer went on
»This would be the last impertinence in me if I meant to found anything
upon it That is out of the question I mean no such thing But you once said it
was your doom to suspect every man who courted you of being an adventurer and
what made you angriest was mens imputing to you the folly of believing that
they courted you for your own sake Did you not say so«
»Very likely« was the answer in a low murmur
»It was a bitter word Well at least one man who has seen women as plenty
as flowers in May has lingered about you for your own sake And since he is one
whom you can never marry you will believe him That is an argument in favour of
some other man But dont give yourself for a meal to a minotaur like Bult I
shall go now and pack I shall make my excuses to Mrs Arrowpoint« Klesmer rose
as he ended and walked quickly towards the door
»You must take this heap of manuscript then« said Catherine suddenly
making a desperate effort She had risen to fetch the heap from another table
Klesmer came back and they had the length of the folio sheets between them
»Why should I not marry the man who loves me if I love him« said
Catherine To her the effort was something like the leap of a woman from the
deck into the lifeboat
»It would be too hard impossible you could not carry it through I am
not worth what you would have to encounter I will not accept the sacrifice It
would be thought a mésalliance for you and I should be liable to the worst
accusations«
»Is it the accusations you are afraid of I am afraid of nothing but that we
should miss the passing of our lives together«
The decisive word had been spoken there was no doubt concerning the end
willed by each there only remained the way of arriving at it and Catherine
determined to take the straightest possible She went to her father and mother
in the library and told them that she had promised to marry Klesmer
Mrs Arrowpoints state of mind was pitiable Imagine Jean Jacques after
his essay on the corrupting influence of the arts waking up among children of
nature who had no idea of grilling the raw bone they offered him for breakfast
with the primitive flint knife or Saint Just after fervidly denouncing all
recognition of preeminence receiving a vote of thanks for the unbroken
mediocrity of his speech which warranted the dullest patriots in delivering
themselves at equal length Something of the same sort befell the authoress of
Tasso when what she had safely demanded of the dead Leonora was enacted by her
own Catherine It is hard for us to live up to our own eloquence and keep pace
with our winged words while we are treading the solid earth and are liable to
heavy dining Besides it has long been understood that the proprieties of
literature are not those of practical life Mrs Arrowpoint naturally wished for
the best of everything She not only liked to feel herself at a higher level of
literary sentiment than the ladies with whom she associated she wished not to
be below them in any point of social consideration While Klesmer was seen in
the light of a patronised musician his peculiarities were picturesque and
acceptable but to see him by a sudden flash in the light of her soninlaw gave
her a burning sense of what the world would say And the poor lady had been used
to represent her Catherine as a model of excellence
Under the first shock she forgot everything but her anger and snatched at
any phrase that would serve as a weapon
»If Klesmer has presumed to offer himself to you your father shall
horsewhip him off the premises Pray speak Mr Arrowpoint«
The father took his cigar from his mouth and rose to the occasion by
saying »This will never do Cath«
»Do« cried Mrs Arrowpoint »who in their senses ever thought it would do
You might as well say poisoning and strangling will not do It is a comedy you
have got up Catherine Else you are mad«
»I am quite sane and serious mamma and Herr Klesmer is not to blame He
never thought of my marrying him I found out that he loved me and loving him
I told him I would marry him«
»Leave that unsaid Catherine« said Mrs Arrowpoint bitterly »Every one
else will say it for you You will be a public fable Every one will say that
you must have made the offer to a man who has been paid to come to the house
who is nobody knows what a gypsy a Jew a mere bubble of the earth«
»Never mind mamma« said Catherine indignant in her turn »We all know he
is a genius as Tasso was«
»Those times were not these nor is Klesmer Tasso« said Mrs Arrowpoint
getting more heated »There is no sting in that sarcasm except the sting of
undutifulness«
»I am sorry to hurt you mamma But I will not give up the happiness of my
life to ideas that I dont believe in and customs I have no respect for«
»You have lost all sense of duty then You have forgotten that you are our
only child that it lies with you to place a great property in the right
hands«
»What are the right hands My grandfather gained the property in trade«
»Mr Arrowpoint will you sit by and hear this without speaking«
»I am a gentleman Cath We expect you to marry a gentleman« said the
father exerting himself
»And a man connected with the institutions of this country« said the
mother »A woman in your position has serious duties Where duty and inclination
clash she must follow duty«
»I dont deny that« said Catherine getting colder in proportion to her
mothers heat »But one may say very true things and apply them falsely People
can easily take the sacred word duty as a name for what they desire any one else
to do«
»Your parents desire makes no duty for you then«
»Yes within reason But before I give up the happiness of my life «
»Catherine Catherine it will not be your happiness« said Mrs Arrowpoint
in her most ravenlike tones
»Well what seems to me my happiness before I give it up I must see some
better reason than the wish that I should marry a nobleman or a man who votes
with a party that he may be turned into a nobleman I feel at liberty to marry
the man I love and think worthy unless some higher duty forbids«
»And so it does Catherine though you are blinded and cannot see it It is
a womans duty not to lower herself You are lowering yourself Mr Arrowpoint
will you tell your daughter what is her duty«
»You must see Catherine that Klesmer is not the man for you« said Mr
Arrowpoint »He wont do at the head of estates He has a deuced foreign look
is an unpractical man«
»I really cant see what that has to do with it papa The land of England
has often passed into the hands of foreigners Dutch soldiers sons of foreign
women of bad character if our land were sold tomorrow it would very likely
pass into the hands of some foreign merchant on Change It is in everybodys
mouth that successful swindlers may buy up half the land in the country How can
I stem that tide«
»It will never do to argue about marriage Cath« said Mr Arrowpoint »Its
no use getting up the subject like a parliamentary question We must do as other
people do We must think of the nation and the public good«
»I cant see any public good concerned here papa« said Catherine »Why is
it to be expected of an heiress that she should carry the property gained in
trade into the hands of a certain class That seems to me a ridiculous mishmash
of superannuated customs and false ambition I should call it a public evil
People had better make a new sort of public good by changing their ambitions«
»That is mere sophistry Catherine« said Mrs Arrowpoint »Because you
dont wish to marry a nobleman you are not obliged to marry a mountebank or a
charlatan«
»I cannot understand the application of such words mamma«
»No I daresay not« rejoined Mrs Arrowpoint with significant scorn »You
have got to a pitch at which we are not likely to understand each other«
»It cant be done Cath« said Mr Arrowpoint wishing to substitute a
betterhumoured reasoning for his wifes impetuosity »A man like Klesmer cant
marry such a property as yours It cant be done«
»It certainly will not be done« said Mrs Arrowpoint imperiously »Where
is the man Let him be fetched«
»I cannot fetch him to be insulted« said Catherine »Nothing will be
achieved by that«
»I suppose you would wish him to know that in marrying you he will not marry
your fortune« said Mrs Arrowpoint
»Certainly if it were so I should wish him to know it«
»Then you had better fetch him«
Catherine only went into the musicroom and said »Come« she felt no need
to prepare Klesmer
»Herr Klesmer« said Mrs Arrowpoint with a rather contemptuous
stateliness »it is unnecessary to repeat what has passed between us and our
daughter Mr Arrowpoint will tell you our resolution«
»Your marrying is quite out of the question« said Mr Arrowpoint rather
too heavily weighted with his task and standing in an embarrassment unrelieved
by a cigar »It is a wild scheme altogether A man has been called out for
less«
»You have taken a base advantage of our confidence« burst in Mrs
Arrowpoint unable to carry out her purpose and leave the burthen of speech to
her husband
Klesmer made a low bow in silent irony
»The pretension is ridiculous You had better give it up and leave the house
at once« continued Mr Arrowpoint He wished to do without mentioning the
money
»I can give up nothing without reference to your daughters wish« said
Klesmer »My engagement is to her«
»It is useless to discuss the question« said Mrs Arrowpoint »We shall
never consent to the marriage If Catherine disobeys us we shall disinherit her
You will not marry her fortune It is right you should know that«
»Madam her fortune has been the only thing I have had to regret about her
But I must ask her if she will not think the sacrifice greater than I am worthy
of«
»It is no sacrifice to me« said Catherine »except that I am sorry to hurt
my father and mother I have always felt my fortune to be a wretched fatality of
my life«
»You mean to defy us then« said Mrs Arrowpoint
»I mean to marry Herr Klesmer« said Catherine firmly
»He had better not count on our relenting« said Mrs Arrowpoint whose
manners suffered from that impunity in insult which has been reckoned among the
privileges of women
»Madam« said Klesmer »certain reasons forbid me to retort But understand
that I consider it out of the power either of you or of your fortune to confer
on me anything that I value My rank as an artist is of my own winning and I
would not exchange it for any other I am able to maintain your daughter and I
ask for no change in my life but her companionship«
»You will leave the house however« said Mrs Arrowpoint
»I go at once« said Klesmer bowing and quitting the room
»Let there be no misunderstanding mamma« said Catherine »I consider
myself engaged to Herr Klesmer and I intend to marry him«
The mother turned her head away and waved her hand in sign of dismissal
»Its all very fine« said Mr Arrowpoint when Catherine was gone »but
what the deuce are we to do with the property«
»There is Harry Brendall He can take the name«
»Harry Brendall will get through it all in no time« said Mr Arrowpoint
relighting his cigar
And thus with nothing settled but the determination of the lovers Klesmer
had left Quetcham
Chapter XXIII
Among the heirs of Art as at the division of the promised land
each has to win his portion by hard fighting the bestowal is after
the manner of prophecy and is a title without possession To carry
the map of an ungotten estate in your pocket is a poor sort of
copyhold And in fancy to cast his shoe over Edom is little warrant
that a man shall ever set the sole of his foot on an acre of his own
there
The most obstinate beliefs that mortals entertain about themselves
are such as they have no evidence for beyond a constant spontaneous
pulsing of their selfsatisfaction as it were a hidden seed of
madness a confidence that they can move the world without precise
notion of standingplace or lever
»Pray go to church mamma« said Gwendolen the next morning »I prefer seeing
Herr Klesmer alone« He had written in reply to her note that he would be with
her at eleven
»That is hardly correct I think« said Mrs Davilow anxiously
»Our affairs are too serious for us to think of such nonsensical rules«
said Gwendolen contemptuously »They are insulting as well as ridiculous«
»You would not mind Isabel sitting with you She would be reading in a
corner«
»No she could not she would bite her nails and stare It would be too
irritating Trust my judgment mamma I must be alone Take them all to church«
Gwendolen had her way of course only that Miss Merry and two of the girls
stayed at home to give the house a look of habitation by sitting at the
diningroom windows
It was a delicious Sunday morning The melancholy waning sunshine of autumn
rested on the leafstrown grass and came mildly through the windows in slanting
bands of brightness over the old furniture and the glass panel that reflected
the furniture over the tapestried chairs with their faded flowerwreaths the
dark enigmatic pictures the superannuated organ at which Gwendolen had pleased
herself with acting Saint Cecilia on her first joyous arrival the crowd of
pallid dusty knickknacks seen through the open doors of the antechamber where
she had achieved the wearing of her Greek dress as Hermione This last memory
was just now very busy in her for had not Klesmer then been struck with
admiration of her pose and expression Whatever he had said whatever she
imagined him to have thought was at this moment pointed with keenest interest
for her perhaps she had never before in her life felt so inwardly dependent so
consciously in need of another persons opinion There was a new fluttering of
spirit within her a new element of deliberation in her selfestimate which had
hitherto been a blissful gift of intuition Still it was the recurrent burthen
of her inward soliloquy that Klesmer had seen but little of her and any
unfavourable conclusion of his must have too narrow a foundation She really
felt clever enough for anything
To fill up the time she collected her volumes and pieces of music and
laying them on the top of the piano set herself to classify them Then catching
the reflection of her movements in the glass panel she was diverted to the
contemplation of the image there and walked towards it Dressed in black
without a single ornament and with the warm whiteness of her skin set off
between her lightbrown coronet of hair and her squarecut bodice she might
have tempted an artist to try again the Roman trick of a statue in black white
and tawny marble Seeing her image slowly advancing she thought »I am
beautiful« not exultingly but with grave decision Being beautiful was after
all the condition on which she most needed external testimony If any one
objected to the turn of her nose or the form of her neck and chin she had not
the sense that she could presently show her power of attainment in these
branches of feminine perfection
There was not much time to fill up in this way before the sound of wheels
the loud ring and the opening doors assured her that she was not by any
accident to be disappointed This slightly increased her inward flutter In
spite of her selfconfidence she dreaded Klesmer as part of that unmanageable
world which was independent of her wishes something vitriolic that would not
cease to burn because you smiled or frowned at it Poor thing she was at a
higher crisis of her womans fate than in her past experience with Grandcourt
The questioning then was whether she should take a particular man as a husband
The inmost fold of her questioning now was whether she need take a husband at
all whether she could not achieve substantiality for herself and know
gratified ambition without bondage
Klesmer made his most deferential bow in the wide doorway of the
antechamber showing also the deference of the finest grey kerseymere trousers
and perfect gloves the masters of those who know are happily altogether human
Gwendolen met him with unusual gravity and holding out her hand said »It is
most kind of you to come Herr Klesmer I hope you have not thought me
presumptuous«
»I took your wish as a command that did me honour« said Klesmer with
answering gravity He was really putting by his own affairs in order to give his
utmost attention to what Gwendolen might have to say but his temperament was
still in a state of excitation from the events of yesterday likely enough to
give his expressions a more than usually biting edge
Gwendolen for once was under too great a strain of feeling to remember
formalities She continued standing near the piano and Klesmer took his stand
at the other end of it with his back to the light and his terribly omniscient
eyes upon her No affectation was of use and she began without delay
»I wish to consult you Herr Klesmer We have lost all our fortune we have
nothing I must get my own bread and I desire to provide for my mamma so as to
save her from any hardship The only way I can think of and I should like it
better than anything is to be an actress to go on the stage But of course I
should like to take a high position and I thought if you thought I could«
here Gwendolen became a little more nervous »it would be better for me to be
a singer to study singing also«
Klesmer put down his hat on the piano and folded his arms as if to
concentrate himself
»I know« Gwendolen resumed turning from pale to pink and back again »I
know that my method of singing is very defective but I have been ill taught I
could be better taught I could study And you will understand my wish to
sing and act too like Grisi is a much higher position Naturally I should
wish to take as high a rank as I can And I can rely on your judgment I am sure
you will tell me the truth«
Gwendolen somehow had the conviction that now she made this serious appeal
the truth would be favourable
Still Klesmer did not speak He drew off his gloves quickly tossed them
into his hat rested his hands on his hips and walked to the other end of the
room He was filled with compassion for this girl he wanted to put a guard on
his speech When he turned again he looked at her with a mild frown of inquiry
and said with gentle though quick utterance »You have never seen anything I
think of artists and their lives I mean of musicians actors artists of
that kind«
»Oh no« said Gwendolen not perturbed by a reference to this obvious fact
in the history of a young lady hitherto well provided for
»You are pardon me« said Klesmer again pausing near the piano »in
coming to a conclusion on such a matter as this everything must be taken into
consideration you are perhaps twenty«
»I am twentyone« said Gwendolen a slight fear rising in her »Do you
think I am too old«
Klesmer pouted his under lip and shook his long fingers upward in a manner
totally enigmatic
»Many persons begin later than others« said Gwendolen betrayed by her
habitual consciousness of having valuable information to bestow
Klesmer took no notice but said with more studied gentleness than ever
»You have probably not thought of an artistic career until now you did not
entertain the notion the longing what shall I say you did not wish
yourself an actress or anything of that sort till the present trouble«
»Not exactly but I was fond of acting I have acted you saw me if you
remember you saw me here in charades and as Hermione« said Gwendolen really
fearing that Klesmer had forgotten
»Yes yes« he answered quickly »I remember I remember perfectly« and
again walked to the other end of the room It was difficult for him to refrain
from this kind of movement when he was in any argument either audible or silent
Gwendolen felt that she was being weighed The delay was unpleasant But she
did not yet conceive that the scale could dip on the wrong side and it seemed
to her only graceful to say »I shall be very much obliged to you for taking the
trouble to give me your advice whatever it may be«
»Miss Harleth« said Klesmer turning towards her and speaking with a slight
increase of accent »I will veil nothing from you in this matter I should
reckon myself guilty if I put a false visage on things made them too black or
too white The gods have a curse for him who willingly tells another the wrong
road And if I misled one who is so young so beautiful who I trust will
find her happiness along the right road I should regard myself as a
Bösewicht« In the last word Klesmers voice had dropped to a loud whisper
Gwendolen felt a sinking of heart under this unexpected solemnity and kept
a sort of fascinated gaze on Klesmers face while he went on
»You are a beautiful young lady you have been brought up in ease you
have done what you would you have not said to yourself I must know this
exactly I must understand this exactly I must do this exactly« in uttering
these three terrible musts Klesmer lifted up three long fingers in succession
»In sum you have not been called upon to be anything but a charming young lady
whom it is an impoliteness to find fault with«
He paused an instant then resting his fingers on his hips again and
thrusting out his powerful chin he said
»Well then with that preparation you wish to try the life of the artist
you wish to try a life of arduous unceasing work and uncertain praise Your
praise would have to be earned like your bread and both would come slowly
scantily what do I say they might hardly come at all«
This tone of discouragement which Klesmer half hoped might suffice without
anything more unpleasant roused some resistance in Gwendolen With a slight
turn of her head away from him and an air of pique she said
»I thought that you being an artist would consider the life one of the
most honourable and delightful And if I can do nothing better I suppose I
can put up with the same risks as other people do«
»Do nothing better« said Klesmer a little fired »No my dear Miss
Harleth you could do nothing better neither man nor woman could do anything
better if you could do what was best or good of its kind I am not decrying
the life of the true artist I am exalting it I say it is out of the reach of
any but choice organisations natures framed to love perfection and to labour
for it ready like all true lovers to endure to wait to say I am not yet
worthy but she Art my mistress is worthy and I will live to merit her An
honourable life Yes But the honour comes from the inward vocation and the
hardwon achievement there is no honour in donning the life as a livery«
Some excitement of yesterday had revived in Klesmer and hurried him into
speech a little aloof from his immediate friendly purpose He had wished as
delicately as possible to rouse in Gwendolen a sense of her unfitness for a
perilous difficult course but it was his wont to be angry with the pretensions
of incompetence and he was in danger of getting chafed Conscious of this he
paused suddenly But Gwendolens chief impression was that he had not yet denied
her the power of doing what would be good of its kind Klesmers fervour seemed
to be a sort of glamour such as he was prone to throw over things in general
and what she desired to assure him of was that she was not afraid of some
preliminary hardships The belief that to present herself in public on the stage
must produce an effect such as she had been used to feel certain of in private
life was like a bit of her flesh it was not to be peeled off readily but
must come with blood and pain She said in a tone of some insistance
»I am quite prepared to bear hardships at first Of course no one can become
celebrated all at once And it is not necessary that every one should be
firstrate either actresses or singers If you would be so kind as to tell me
what steps I should take I shall have the courage to take them I dont mind
going up hill It will be easier than the dead level of being a governess I
will take any steps you recommend«
Klesmer was more convinced now that he must speak plainly
»I will tell you the steps not that I recommend but that will be forced
upon you It is all one so far what your goal may be excellence celebrity
second third rateness it is all one You must go to town under the protection
of your mother You must put yourself under training musical dramatic
theatrical whatever you desire to do you have to learn « here Gwendolen
looked as if she were going to speak but Klesmer lifted up his hand and said
decisively »I know You have exercised your talents you recite you sing
from the drawingroom standpunkt My dear Fräulein you must unlearn all that
You have not yet conceived what excellence is you must unlearn your mistaken
admirations You must know what you have to strive for and then you must subdue
your mind and body to unbroken discipline Your mind I say For you must not be
thinking of celebrity put that candle out of your eyes and look only at
excellence You would of course earn nothing you could get no engagement for a
long while You would need money for yourself and your family But that« here
Klesmer frowned and shook his fingers as if to dismiss a triviality »that
could perhaps be found«
Gwendolen turned pink and pale during this speech Her pride had felt a
terrible knifeedge and the last sentence only made the smart keener She was
conscious of appearing moved and tried to escape from her weakness by suddenly
walking to a seat and pointing out a chair to Klesmer He did not take it but
turned a little in order to face her and leaned against the piano At that
moment she wished that she had not sent for him this first experience of being
taken on some other ground than that of her social rank and her beauty was
becoming bitter to her Klesmer preoccupied with a serious purpose went on
without change of tone
»Now what sort of issue might be fairly expected from all this selfdenial
You would ask that It is right that your eyes should be open to it I will tell
you truthfully The issue would be uncertain and most probably would not be
worth much«
At these relentless words Klesmer put out his lip and looked through his
spectacles with the air of a monster impenetrable by beauty
Gwendolens eyes began to burn but the dread of showing weakness urged her
to added selfcontrol She compelled herself to say in a hard tone
»You think I want talent or am too old to begin«
Klesmer made a sort of hum and then descended on an emphatic »Yes The
desire and the training should have begun seven years ago or a good deal
earlier A mountebanks child who helps her father to earn shillings when she is
six years old a child that inherits a singing throat from a long line of
choristers and learns to sing as it learns to talk has a likelier beginning
Any great achievement in acting or in music grows with the growth Whenever an
artist has been able to say I came I saw I conquered it has been at the end
of patient practice Genius at first is little more than a great capacity for
receiving discipline Singing and acting like the fine dexterity of the juggler
with his cups and balls require a shaping of the organs towards a finer and
finer certainty of effect Your muscles your whole frame must go like a
watch true true true to a hair That is the work of springtime before
habits have been determined«
»I did not pretend to genius« said Gwendolen still feeling that she might
somehow do what Klesmer wanted to represent as impossible »I only supposed that
I might have a little talent enough to improve«
»I dont deny that« said Klesmer »If you had been put in the right track
some years ago and had worked well you might now have made a public singer
though I dont think your voice would have counted for much in public For the
stage your personal charms and intelligence might then have told without the
present drawback of inexperience lack of discipline lack of instruction«
Certainly Klesmer seemed cruel but his feeling was the reverse of cruel
Our speech even when we are most singleminded can never take its line
absolutely from one impulse but Klesmers was as far as possible directed by
compassion for poor Gwendolens ignorant eagerness to enter on a course of which
he saw all the miserable details with a definiteness which he could not if he
would have conveyed to her mind
Gwendolen however was not convinced Her selfopinion rallied and since
the counsellor whom she had called in gave a decision of such severe
peremptoriness she was tempted to think that his judgment was not only fallible
but biassed It occurred to her that a simpler and wiser step for her to have
taken would have been to send a letter through the post to the manager of a
London theatre asking him to make an appointment She would make no further
reference to her singing Klesmer she saw had set himself against her singing
But she felt equal to arguing with him about her going on the stage and she
answered in a resistant tone
»I understand of course that no one can be a finished actress at once It
may be impossible to tell beforehand whether I should succeed but that seems to
me a reason why I should try I should have thought that I might have taken an
engagement at a theatre meanwhile so as to earn money and study at the same
time«
»Cant be done my dear Miss Harleth I speak plainly it cant be done I
must clear your mind of these notions which have no more resemblance to reality
than a pantomime Ladies and gentlemen think that when they have made their
toilet and drawn on their gloves they are as presentable on the stage as in a
drawingroom No manager thinks that With all your grace and charm if you were
to present yourself as an aspirant to the stage a manager would either require
you to pay as an amateur for being allowed to perform or he would tell you to
go and be taught trained to bear yourself on the stage as a horse however
beautiful must be trained for the circus to say nothing of that study which
would enable you to personate a character consistently and animate it with the
natural language of face gesture and tone For you to get an engagement fit
for you straight away is out of the question«
»I really cannot understand that« said Gwendolen rather haughtily then
checking herself she added in another tone »I shall be obliged to you if you
will explain how it is that such poor actresses get engaged I have been to the
theatre several times and I am sure there were actresses who seemed to me to
act not at all well and who were quite plain«
»Ah my dear Miss Harleth that is the easy criticism of the buyer We who
buy slippers toss away this pair and the other as clumsy but there went an
apprenticeship to the making of them Excuse me you could not at present teach
one of those actresses but there is certainly much that she could teach you
For example she can pitch her voice so as to be heard ten to one you could not
do it till after many trials Merely to stand and move on the stage is an art
requires practice It is understood that we are not now talking of a comparse in
a petty theatre who earns the wages of a needlewoman That is out of the
question for you«
»Of course I must earn more than that« said Gwendolen with a sense of
wincing rather than of being refuted »but I think I could soon learn to do
tolerably well all those little things you have mentioned I am not so very
stupid And even in Paris I am sure I saw two actresses playing important
ladies parts who were not at all ladies and quite ugly I suppose I have no
particular talent but I must think it is an advantage even on the stage to be
a lady and not a perfect fright«
»Ah let us understand each other« said Klesmer with a flash of new
meaning »I was speaking of what you would have to go through if you aimed at
becoming a real artist if you took music and the drama as a higher vocation in
which you would strive after excellence On that head what I have said stands
fast You would find after your education in doing things slackly for
oneandtwenty years great difficulties in study you would find
mortifications in the treatment you would get when you presented yourself on the
footing of skill You would be subjected to tests people would no longer feign
not to see your blunders You would at first only be accepted on trial You
would have to bear what I may call a glaring insignificance any success must be
won by the utmost patience You would have to keep your place in a crowd and
after all it is likely you would lose it and get out of sight If you determine
to face these hardships and still try you will have the dignity of a high
purpose even though you may have chosen unfortunately You will have some
merit though you may win no prize You have asked my judgment on your chances
of winning I dont pretend to speak absolutely but measuring probabilities my
judgment is you will hardly achieve more than mediocrity«
Klesmer had delivered himself with emphatic rapidity and now paused a
moment Gwendolen was motionless looking at her hands which lay over each
other on her lap till the deeptoned longdrawn »But« with which he resumed
had a startling effect and made her look at him again
»But there are certainly other ideas other dispositions with which a
young lady may take up an art that will bring her before the public She may
rely on the unquestioned power of her beauty as a passport She may desire to
exhibit herself to an admiration which dispenses with skill This goes a certain
way on the stage not in music but on the stage beauty is taken when there is
nothing more commanding to be had Not without some drilling however as I have
said before technicalities have in any case to be mastered But these excepted
we have here nothing to do with art The woman who takes up this career is not
an artist she is usually one who thinks of entering on a luxurious life by a
short and easy road perhaps by marriage that is her most brilliant chance
and the rarest Still her career will not be luxurious to begin with she can
hardly earn her own poor bread independently at once and the indignities she
will be liable to are such as I will not speak of«
»I desire to be independent« said Gwendolen deeply stung and confusedly
apprehending some scorn for herself in Klesmers words »That was my reason for
asking whether I could not get an immediate engagement Of course I cannot know
how things go on about theatres But I thought that I could have made myself
independent I have no money and I will not accept help from any one«
Her wounded pride could not rest without making this disclaimer It was
intolerable to her that Klesmer should imagine her to have expected other help
from him than advice
»That is a hard saying for your friends« said Klesmer recovering the
gentleness of tone with which he had begun the conversation »I have given you
pain That was inevitable I was bound to put the truth the unvarnished truth
before you I have not said I will not say you will do wrong to choose the
hard climbing path of an endeavouring artist You have to compare its
difficulties with those of any less hazardous any more private course which
opens itself to you If you take that more courageous resolve I will ask leave
to shake hands with you on the strength of our freemasonry where we are all
vowed to the service of Art and to serve her by helping every fellowservant«
Gwendolen was silent again looking at her hands She felt herself very far
away from taking the resolve that would enforce acceptance and after waiting an
instant or two Klesmer went on with deepened seriousness
»Where there is the duty of service there must be the duty of accepting it
The question is not one of personal obligation And in relation to practical
matters immediately affecting your future excuse my permitting myself to
mention in confidence an affair of my own I am expecting an event which would
make it easy for me to exert myself on your behalf in furthering your
opportunities of instruction and residence in London under the care that is
of your family without need for anxiety on your part If you resolve to take
art as a breadstudy you need only undertake the study at first the bread will
be found without trouble The event I mean is my marriage in fact you will
receive this as a matter of confidence my marriage with Miss Arrowpoint
which will more than double such right as I have to be trusted by you as a
friend Your friendship will have greatly risen in value for her by your having
adopted that generous labour«
Gwendolens face had begun to burn That Klesmer was about to marry Miss
Arrowpoint caused her no surprise and at another moment she would have amused
herself in quickly imagining the scenes that must have occurred at Quetcham But
what engrossed her feeling what filled her imagination now was the panorama of
her own immediate future that Klesmers words seemed to have unfolded The
suggestion of Miss Arrowpoint as a patroness was only another detail added to
its repulsiveness Klesmers proposal to help her seemed an additional
irritation after the humiliating judgment he had passed on her capabilities His
words had really bitten into her selfconfidence and turned it into the pain of
a bleeding wound and the idea of presenting herself before other judges was now
poisoned with the dread that they also might be harsh they also would not
recognise the talent she was conscious of But she controlled herself and rose
from her seat before she made any answer It seemed natural that she should
pause She went to the piano and looked absently at leaves of music pinching up
the corners At last she turned towards Klesmer and said with almost her usual
air of proud equality which in this interview had not been hitherto
perceptible
»I congratulate you sincerely Herr Klesmer I think I never saw any one
more admirable than Miss Arrowpoint And I have to thank you for every sort of
kindness this morning But I cant decide now If I make the resolve you have
spoken of I will use your permission I will let you know But I fear the
obstacles are too great In any case I am deeply obliged to you It was very
bold of me to ask you to take this trouble«
Klesmers inward remark was »She will never let me know« But with the most
thorough respect in his manner he said »Command me at any time There is an
address on this card which will always find me with little delay«
When he had taken up his hat and was going to make his bow Gwendolens
better self conscious of an ingratitude which the clearseeing Klesmer must
have penetrated made a desperate effort to find its way above the stifling
layers of egoistic disappointment and irritation Looking at him with a glance
of the old gaiety she put out her hand and said with a smile »If I take the
wrong road it will not be because of your flattery«
»God forbid that you should take any road but one where you will find and
give happiness« said Klesmer fervently Then in foreign fashion he touched
her fingers lightly with his lips and in another minute she heard the sound of
his departing wheels getting more distant on the gravel
Gwendolen had never in her life felt so miserable No sob came no passion
of tears to relieve her Her eyes were burning and the noonday only brought
into more dreary clearness the absence of interest from her life All memories
all objects the pieces of music displayed the open piano the very reflection
of herself in the glass seemed no better than the packedup shows of a
departing fair For the first time since her consciousness began she was having
a vision of herself on the common level and had lost the innate sense that
there were reasons why she should not be alighted elbowed jostled treated
like a passenger with a thirdclass ticket in spite of private objections on
her own part She did not move about the prospects begotten by disappointment
were too oppressively preoccupying she threw herself into the shadiest corner
of a settee and pressed her fingers over her burning eyelids Every word that
Klesmer had said seemed to have been branded into her memory as most words are
which bring with them a new set of impressions and make an epoch for us Only a
few hours before the dawning smile of selfcontentment rested on her lips as
she vaguely imagined a future suited to her wishes it seemed but the affair of
a year or so for her to become the most approved Juliet of the time or if
Klesmer encouraged her idea of being a singer to proceed by more gradual steps
to her place in the opera while she won money and applause by occasional
performances Why not At home at school among acquaintances she had been
used to have her conscious superiority admitted and she had moved in a society
where everything from low arithmetic to high art is of the amateur kind
politely supposed to fall short of perfection only because gentlemen and ladies
are not obliged to do more than they like otherwise they would probably give
forth abler writings and show themselves more commanding artists than any the
world is at present obliged to put up with The selfconfident visions that had
beguiled her were not of a highly exceptional kind and she had at least shown
some nationality in consulting the person who knew the most and had flattered
her the least In asking Klesmers advice however she had rather been borne up
by a belief in his latent admiration than bent on knowing anything more
unfavourable that might have lain behind his slight objections to her singing
and the truth she had asked for with an expectation that it would be agreeable
had come like a lacerating thong
»Too old should have begun seven years ago you will not at best
achieve more than mediocrity hard incessant work uncertain praise bread
coming slowly scantily perhaps not at all mortifications people no longer
feigning not to see your blunders glaring insignificance« all these phrases
rankled in her and even more galling was the hint that she could only be
accepted on the stage as a beauty who hoped to get a husband The »indignities«
that she might be visited with had no very definite form for her but the mere
association of anything called »indignity« with herself roused a resentful
alarm And along with the vaguer images which were raised by those biting words
came the more precise conception of disagreeables which her experience enabled
her to imagine How could she take her mamma and the four sisters to London if
it were not possible for her to earn money at once And as for submitting to be
a protégée and asking her mamma to submit with her to the humiliation of being
supported by Miss Arrowpoint that was as bad as being a governess nay worse
for suppose the end of all her study to be as worthless as Klesmer clearly
expected it to be the sense of favours received and never repaid would
embitter the miseries of disappointment Klesmer doubtless had magnificent ideas
about helping artists but how could he know the feelings of ladies in such
matters It was all over she had entertained a mistaken hope and there was an
end of it
»An end of it« said Gwendolen aloud starting from her seat as she heard
the steps and voices of her mamma and sisters coming in from church She hurried
to the piano and began gathering together her pieces of music with assumed
diligence while the expression on her pale face and in her burning eyes was
what would have suited a woman enduring a wrong which she might not resent but
would probably revenge
»Well my darling« said gentle Mrs Davilow entering »I see by the
wheelmarks that Klesmer has been here Have you been satisfied with the
interview« She had some guesses as to its object but felt timid about implying
them
»Satisfied mamma oh yes« said Gwendolen in a high hard tone for which
she must be excused because she dreaded a scene of emotion If she did not set
herself resolutely to feign proud indifference she felt that she must fall into
a passionate outburst of despair which would cut her mamma more deeply than all
the rest of their calamities
»Your uncle and aunt were disappointed at not seeing you« said Mrs
Davilow coming near the piano and watching Gwendolens movements »I only said
that you wanted rest«
»Quite right mamma« said Gwendolen in the same tone turning to put away
some music
»Am I not to know anything now Gwendolen Am I always to be in the dark«
said Mrs Davilow too keenly sensitive to her daughters manner and expression
not to fear that something painful had occurred
»There is really nothing to tell now mamma« said Gwendolen in a still
higher voice »I had a mistaken idea about something I could do Herr Klesmer
has undeceived me That is all«
»Dont look and speak in that way my dear child I cannot bear it« said
Mrs Davilow breaking down She felt an undefinable terror
Gwendolen looked at her a moment in silence biting her inner lip then she
went up to her and putting her hands on her mammas shoulders said with a
drop of her voice to the lowest undertone »Mamma dont speak to me now It is
useless to cry and waste our strength over what cant be altered You will live
at Sawyers Cottage and I am going to the bishops daughters There is no more
to be said Things cannot be altered and who cares It makes no difference to
any one else what we do We must try not to care ourselves We must not give
way I dread giving way Help me to be quiet«
Mrs Davilow was like a frightened child under her daughters face and
voice her tears were arrested and she went away in silence
Chapter XXIV
»I question things and do not find
One that will answer to my mind
And all the world appears unkind«
Wordsworth
Gwendolen was glad that she had got through her interview with Klesmer before
meeting her uncle and aunt She had made up her mind now that there were only
disagreeables before her and she felt able to maintain a dogged calm in the
face of any humiliation that might be proposed
The meeting did not happen until the Monday when Gwendolen went to the
Rectory with her mamma They had called at Sawyers Cottage by the way and had
seen every cranny of the narrow rooms in a midday light unsoftened by blinds
and curtains for the furnishing to be done by gleanings from the Rectory had
not yet begun
»How shall you endure it mamma« said Gwendolen as they walked away She
had not opened her lips while they were looking round at the bare walls and
floors and the little garden with the cabbagestalks and the yew arbour all
dust and cobwebs within »You and the four girls all in that closet of a room
with the green and yellow paper pressing on your eyes And without me«
»It will be some comfort that you have not to bear it too dear«
»If it were not that I must get some money I would rather be there than go
to be a governess«
»Dont set yourself against it beforehand Gwendolen If you go to the
palace you will have every luxury about you And you know how much you have
always cared for that You will not find it so hard as going up and down those
steep narrow stairs and hearing the crockery rattle through the house and the
dear girls talking«
»It is like a bad dream« said Gwendolen impetuously »I cannot believe
that my uncle will let you go to such a place He ought to have taken some other
steps«
»Dont be unreasonable dear child What could he have done«
»That was for him to find out It seems to me a very extraordinary world if
people in our position must sink in this way all at once« said Gwendolen the
other worlds with which she was conversant being constructed with a sense of
fitness that arranged her own future agreeably
It was her temper that framed her sentences under this entirely new pressure
of evils she could have spoken more suitably on the vicissitudes in other
peoples lives though it was never her aspiration to express herself virtuously
so much as cleverly a point to be remembered in extenuation of her words
which were usually worse than she was
And notwithstanding the keen sense of her own bruises she was capable of
some compunction when her uncle and aunt received her with a more affectionate
kindness than they had ever shown before She could not but be struck by the
dignified cheerfulness with which they talked of the necessary economies in
their way of living and in the education of the boys Mr Gascoignes worth of
character a little obscured by worldly opportunities as the poetic beauty of
women is obscured by the demands of fashionable dressing showed itself to
great advantage under this sudden reduction of fortune Prompt and methodical
he had set himself not only to put down his carriage but to reconsider his worn
suits of clothes to leave off meat for breakfast to do without periodicals to
get Edwy from school and arrange hours of study for all the boys under himself
and to order the whole establishment on the sparest footing possible For all
healthy people economy has its pleasures and the Rectors spirit had spread
through the household Mrs Gascoigne and Anna who always made papa their
model really did not miss anything they cared about for themselves and in all
sincerity felt that the saddest part of the family losses was the change for
Mrs Davilow and her children
Anna for the first time could merge her resentment on behalf of Rex in her
sympathy with Gwendolen and Mrs Gascoigne was disposed to hope that trouble
would have a salutary effect on her niece without thinking it her duty to add
any bitters by way of increasing the salutariness They had both been busy
devising how to get blinds and curtains for the cottage out of the household
stores but with delicate feeling they left these matters in the background and
talked at first of Gwendolens journey and the comfort it was to her mamma to
have her at home again
In fact there was nothing for Gwendolen to take as a justification for
extending her discontent with events to the persons immediately around her and
she felt shaken into a more alert attention as if by a call to drill that
everybody else was obeying when her uncle began in a voice of firm kindness to
talk to her of the efforts he bad been making to get her a situation which would
offer her as many advantages as possible Mr Gascoigne had not forgotten
Grandcourt but the possibility of further advances from that quarter was
something too vague for a man of his good sense to be determined by it
uncertainties of that kind must not now slacken his action in doing the best he
could for his niece under actual conditions
»I felt that there was no time to be lost Gwendolen for a position in a
good family where you will have some consideration is not to be had at a
moments notice And however long we waited we could hardly find one where you
would be better off than at Bishop Momperts I am known to both him and Mrs
Mompert and that of course is an advantage for you Our correspondence has gone
on favourably but I cannot be surprised that Mrs Mompert wishes to see you
before making an absolute engagement She thinks of arranging for you to meet
her at Wanchester when she is on her way to town I daresay you will feel the
interview rather trying for you my dear but you will have a little time to
prepare your mind«
»Do you know why she wants to see me uncle« said Gwendolen whose mind had
quickly gone over various reasons that an imaginary Mrs Mompert with three
daughters might be supposed to entertain reasons all of a disagreeable kind to
the person presenting herself for inspection
The Rector smiled »Dont be alarmed my dear She would like to have a more
precise idea of you than my report can give And a mother is naturally
scrupulous about a companion for her daughters I have told her you are very
young But she herself exercises a close supervision over her daughters
education and that makes her less anxious as to age She is a woman of taste
and also of strict principle and objects to having a French person in the
house I feel sure that she will think your manners and accomplishments as good
as she is likely to find and over the religious and moral tone of the education
she and indeed the bishop himself will preside«
Gwendolen dared not answer but the repression of her decided dislike to the
whole prospect sent an unusually deep flush over her face and neck subsiding as
quickly as it came Anna full of tender fears put her little hand into her
cousins and Mr Gascoigne was too kind a man not to conceive something of the
trial which this sudden change must be for a girl like Gwendolen Bent on giving
a cheerful view of things he went on in an easy tone of remark not as if
answering supposed objections
»I think so highly of the position that I should have been tempted to try
and get it for Anna if she had been at all likely to meet Mrs Momperts wants
It is really a home with a continuance of education in the highest sense
governess is a misnomer The bishops views are of a more decidedly Low Church
colour than my own he is a close friend of Lord Grampians but though
privately strict he is not by any means narrow in public matters Indeed he
has created as little dislike in his diocese as any bishop on the bench He has
always remained friendly to me though before his promotion when he was an
incumbent of this diocese we had a little controversy about the Bible Society«
The Rectors words were too pregnant with satisfactory meaning to himself
for him to imagine the effect they produced on the mind of his niece
»Continuance of education« »bishops views« »privately strict« »Bible
Society« it was as if he had introduced a few snakes at large for the
instruction of ladies who regarded them as all alike furnished with poisonbags
and biting or stinging according to convenience To Gwendolen already shrinking
from the prospect opened to her such phrases came like the growing heat of a
burningglass not at all as the links of persuasive reflection which they
formed for the good uncle She began desperately to seek an alternative
»There was another situation I think mamma spoke of« she said with
determined selfmastery
»Yes« said the Rector in rather a depreciatory tone »but that is in a
school I should not have the same satisfaction in your taking that It would be
much harder work you are aware and not so good in any other respect Besides
you have not an equal chance of getting it«
»Oh dear no« said Mrs Gascoigne »it would be much harder for you my dear
much less appropriate You might not have a bedroom to yourself« And
Gwendolens memories of school suggested other particulars which forced her to
admit to herself that this alternative would be no relief She turned to her
uncle again and said apparently in acceptance of his ideas
»When is Mrs Mompert likely to send for me«
»That is rather uncertain but she has promised not to entertain any other
proposal till she has seen you She has entered with much feeling into your
position It will be within the next fortnight probably But I must be off now
I am going to let part of my glebe uncommonly well«
The Rector ended very cheerfully leaving the room with the satisfactory
conviction that Gwendolen was going to adapt herself to circumstances like a
girl of good sense Having spoken appropriately he naturally supposed that the
effects would be appropriate being accustomed as a household and parish
authority to be asked to »speak to« refractory persons with the understanding
that the measure was morally coercive
»What a stay Henry is to us all« said Mrs Gascoigne when her husband had
left the room
»He is indeed« said Mrs Davilow cordially »I think cheerfulness is a
fortune in itself I wish I had it«
»And Rex is just like him« said Mrs Gascoigne »I must tell you the
comfort we have had in a letter from him I must read you a little bit« she
added taking the letter from her pocket while Anna looked rather frightened
she did not know why except that it had been a rule with her not to mention Rex
before Gwendolen
The proud mother ran her eyes over the letter seeking for sentences to read
aloud But apparently she had found it sown with what might seem to be closer
allusions than she desired to the recent past for she looked up folding the
letter and saying
»However he tells us that our trouble has made a man of him he sees a
reason for any amount of work he means to get a fellowship to take pupils to
set one of his brothers going to be everything that is most remarkable The
letter is full of fun just like him He says Tell mother she has put out an
advertisement for a jolly good hardworking son in time to hinder me from
taking ship and I offer myself for the place The letter came on Friday I
never saw my husband so much moved by anything since Rex was born It seemed a
gain to balance our loss«
This letter in fact was what had helped both Mrs Gascoigne and Anna to
show Gwendolen an unmixed kindliness and she herself felt very amiably about
it smiling at Anna and pinching her chin as much as to say »Nothing is wrong
with you now is it« She had no gratuitously illnatured feeling or egoistic
pleasure in making men miserable She only had an intense objection to their
making her miserable
But when the talk turned on furniture for the cottage Gwendolen was not
roused to show even a languid interest She thought that she had done as much as
could be expected of her this morning and indeed felt at an heroic pitch in
keeping to herself the struggle that was going on within her The recoil of her
mind from the only definite prospect allowed her was stronger than even she had
imagined beforehand The idea of presenting herself before Mrs Mompert in the
first instance to be approved or disapproved came as pressure on an already
painful bruise even as a governess it appeared she was to be tested and was
liable to rejection After she had done herself the violence to accept the
bishop and his wife they were still to consider whether they would accept her
it was at her peril that she was to look speak or be silent And even when she
had entered on her dismal task of selfconstraint in the society of three girls
whom she was bound incessantly to edify the same process of inspection was to
go on there was always to be Mrs Momperts supervision always something or
other would be expected of her to which she had not the slightest inclination
and perhaps the bishop would examine her on serious topics Gwendolen lately
used to the social successes of a handsome girl whose lively venturesomeness of
talk has the effect of wit and who six weeks before would have pitied the
dulness of the bishop rather than have been embarrassed by him saw the life
before her as an entrance into a penitentiary Wild thoughts of running away to
be an actress in spite of Klesmer came to her with the lure of freedom but
his words still hung heavily on her soul they had alarmed her pride and even
her maidenly dignity dimly she conceived herself getting amongst vulgar people
who would treat her with rude familiarity odious men whose grins and smirks
would not be seen through the strong grating of polite society Gwendolens
daring was not in the least that of the adventuress the demand to be held a
lady was in her very marrow and when she had dreamed that she might be the
heroine of the gamingtable it was with the understanding that no one should
treat her with the less consideration or presume to look at her with irony as
Deronda had done To be protected and petted and to have her susceptibilities
consulted in every detail had gone along with her food and clothing as matters
of course in her life even without any such warning as Klesmers she could not
have thought it an attractive freedom to be thrown in solitary dependence on the
doubtful civility of strangers The endurance of the episcopal penitentiary was
less repulsive than that though here too she would certainly never be petted or
have her susceptibilities consulted Her rebellion against this hard necessity
which had come just to her of all people in the world to her whom all
circumstances had concurred in preparing for something quite different was
exaggerated instead of diminished as one hour followed another filled with the
imagination of what she might have expected in her lot and what it was actually
to be The family troubles she thought were easier for every one than for her
even for poor dear mamma because she had always used herself to not enjoying
As to hoping that if she went to the Momperts and was patient a little while
things might get better it would be stupid to entertain hopes for herself
after all that had happened her talents it appeared would never be recognised
as anything remarkable and there was not a single direction in which
probability seemed to flatter her wishes Some beautiful girls who like her
had read romances where even plain governesses are centres of attraction and are
sought in marriage might have solaced themselves a little by transporting such
pictures into their own future but even if Gwendolens experience had led her
to dwell on lovemaking and marriage as her elysium her heart was too much
oppressed by what was near to her in both the past and the future for her to
project her anticipations very far off She had a worldnausea upon her and saw
no reason all through her life why she should wish to live No religious view of
trouble helped her her troubles had in her opinion all been caused by other
peoples disagreeable or wicked conduct and there was really nothing pleasant
to be counted on in the world that was her feeling everything else she had
heard said about trouble was mere phrasemaking not attractive enough for her to
have caught it up and repeated it As to the sweetness of labour and fulfilled
claims the interest of inward and outward activity the impersonal delights of
life as a perpetual discovery the dues of courage fortitude industry which
it is mere baseness not to pay towards the common burthen the supreme worth of
the teachers vocation these even if they had been eloquently preached to
her could have been no more than faintly apprehended doctrines the fact which
wrought upon her was her invariable observation that for a lady to become a
governess to »take a situation« was to descend in life and to be treated at
best with a compassionate patronage And poor Gwendolen had never dissociated
happiness from personal pre and éclat That where these threatened to forsake
her she should take life to be hardly worth the having cannot make her so
unlike the rest of us men or women that we should cast her out of our
compassion our moments of temptation to a mean opinion of things in general
being usually dependent on some susceptibility about ourselves and some dulness
to subjects which every one else would consider more important Surely a young
creature is pitiable who has the labyrinth of life before her and no clue to
whom distrust in herself and her good fortune has come as a sudden shock like a
rent across the path that she was treading carelessly
In spite of her healthy frame her irreconcilable repugnance affected her
even physically she felt a sort of numbness and could set about nothing the
least urgency even that she should take her meals was an irritation to her
the speech of others on any subject seemed unreasonable because it did not
include her feeling and was an ignorant claim on her It was not in her nature
to busy herself with the fancies of suicide to which disappointed young people
are prone what occupied and exasperated her was the sense that there was
nothing for her but to live in a way she hated She avoided going to the Rectory
again it was too intolerable to have to look and talk as if she were compliant
and she could not exert herself to show interest about the furniture of that
horrible cottage Miss Merry was staying on purpose to help and such people as
Jocosa liked that sort of thing Her mother had to make excuses for her not
appearing even when Anna came to see her For that calm which Gwendolen had
promised herself to maintain had changed into sick motivelessness she thought
»I suppose I shall begin to pretend byandby but why should I do it now«
Her mother watched her with silent distress and lapsing into the habit of
indulgent tenderness she began to think what she imagined that Gwendolen was
thinking and to wish that everything should give way to the possibility of
making her darling less miserable
One day when she was in the black and yellow bedroom and her mother was
lingering there under the pretext of considering and arranging Gwendolens
articles of dress she suddenly roused herself to fetch the casket which
contained her ornaments
»Mamma« she began glancing over the upper layer »I had forgotten these
things Why didnt you remind me of them Do see about getting them sold You
will not mind about parting with them You gave them all to me long ago«
She lifted the upper tray and looked below
»If we can do without them darling I would rather keep them for you« said
Mrs Davilow seating herself beside Gwendolen with a feeling of relief that she
was beginning to talk about something The usual relation between them had
become reversed It was now the mother who tried to cheer the daughter »Why
how came you to put that pockethandkerchief in here«
It was the handkerchief with the corner torn off which Gwendolen had thrust
in with the turquoise necklace
»It happened to be with the necklace I was in a hurry« said Gwendolen
taking the handkerchief away and putting it in her pocket »Dont sell the
necklace mamma« she added a new feeling having come over her about that
rescue of it which had formerly been so offensive
»No dear no it was made out of your dear fathers chain And I should
prefer not selling the other things None of them are of any great value All my
best ornaments were taken from me long ago«
Mrs Davilow coloured She usually avoided any reference to such facts about
Gwendolens stepfather as that he had carried off his wifes jewellery and
disposed of it After a moments pause she went on
»And these things have not been reckoned on for any expenses Carry them
with you«
»That would be quite useless mamma« said Gwendolen coldly »Governesses
dont wear ornaments You had better get me a grey frieze livery and a straw
poke such as my aunts charity children wear«
»No dear no dont take that view of it I feel sure the Momperts will
like you the better for being graceful and elegant«
»I am not at all sure what the Momperts will like me to be It is enough
that I am expected to be what they like« said Gwendolen bitterly
»If there is anything you would object to less anything that could be done
instead of your going to the bishops do say so Gwendolen Tell me what is
in your heart I will try for anything you wish« said the mother beseechingly
»Dont keep things away from me Let us bear them together«
»Oh mamma there is nothing to tell I cant do anything better I must
think myself fortunate if they will have me I shall get some money for you
That is the only thing I have to think of I shall not spend any money this
year you will have all the eighty pounds I dont know how far that will go in
housekeeping but you need not stitch your poor fingers to the bone and stare
away all the sight that the tears have left in your dear eyes«
Gwendolen did not give any caresses with her words as she had been used to
do She did not even look at her mother but was looking at the turquoise
necklace as she turned it over her fingers
»Bless you for your tenderness my good darling« said Mrs Davilow with
tears in her eyes »Dont despair because there are clouds now You are so
young There may be great happiness in store for you yet«
»I dont see any reason for expecting it mamma« said Gwendolen in a hard
tone and Mrs Davilow was silent thinking as she had often thought before
»What did happen between her and Mr Grandcourt«
»I will keep this necklace mamma« said Gwendolen laying it apart and then
closing the casket »But do get the other things sold even if they will not
bring much Ask my uncle what to do with them I shall certainly not use them
again I am going to take the veil I wonder if all the poor wretches who have
ever taken it felt as I do«
»Dont exaggerate evils dear«
»How can any one know that I exaggerate when I am speaking of my own
feeling I did not say what any one else felt«
She took out the torn handkerchief from her pocket again and wrapt it
deliberately round the necklace Mrs Davilow observed the action with some
surprise but the tone of the last words discouraged her from asking any
question
The »feeling« Gwendolen spoke of with an air of tragedy was not to be
explained by the mere fact that she was going to be a governess she was
possessed by a spirit of general disappointment It was not simply that she had
a distaste for what she was called on to do the distaste spread itself over the
world outside her penitentiary since she saw nothing very pleasant in it that
seemed attainable by her even if she were free Naturally her grievances did not
seem to her smaller than some of her male contemporaries held theirs to be when
they felt a profession too narrow for their powers and had an à priori
conviction that it was not worth while to put forth their latent abilities
Because her education had been less expensive than theirs it did not follow
that she should have wider emotions or a keener intellectual vision Her griefs
were feminine but to her as a woman they were not the less hard to bear and
she felt an equal right to the Promethean tone
But the movement of mind which led her to keep the necklace to fold it up
in the handkerchief and rise to put it in her nécessaire where she had first
placed it when it had been returned to her was more peculiar and what would be
called less reasonable It came from that streak of superstition in her which
attached itself both to her confidence and her terror a superstition which
lingers in an intense personality even in spite of theory and science any dread
or hope for self being stronger than all reasons for or against it Why she
should suddenly determine not to part with the necklace was not much clearer to
her than why she should sometimes have been frightened to find herself in the
fields alone she had a confused state of emotion about Deronda was it wounded
pride and resentment or a certain awe and exceptional trust It was something
vague and yet mastering which impelled her to this action about the necklace
There is a great deal of unmapped country within us which would have to be taken
into account in an explanation of our gusts and storms
Chapter XXV
How trace the why and wherefore in a mind reduced to the barrenness
of a fastidious egoism in which all direct desires are dulled and
have dwindled from motives into a vacillating expectation of
motives a mind made up of moods where a fitful impulse springs
here and there conspicuously rank amid the general weediness Tis a
condition apt to befall a life too much at large unmoulded by the
pressure of obligation Nam deteriores omnes sumus licentiæ saith
Terence or as a more familiar tongue might deliver it As you like
is a bad fingerpost
Potentates make known their intentions and affect the funds at a small expense
of words So when Grandcourt after learning that Gwendolen had left Leubronn
incidentally pronounced that resort of fashion a beastly hole worse than Baden
the remark was conclusive to Mr Lush that his patron intended straightway to
return to Diplow The execution was sure to be slower than the intention and in
fact Grandcourt did loiter through the next day without giving any distinct
orders about departure perhaps because he discerned that Lush was expecting
them he lingered over his toilet and certainly came down with a faded aspect
of perfect distinction which made fresh complexions and hands with the blood in
them seem signs of raw vulgarity he lingered on the terrace in the
gamblingrooms in the readingroom occupying himself in being indifferent to
everybody and everything around him When he met Lady Mallinger however he
took some trouble raised his hat paused and proved that he listened to her
recommendation of the waters by replying »Yes I heard somebody say how
providential it was that there always happened to be springs at gambling
places«
»Oh that was a joke« said innocent Lady Mallinger misled by Grandcourts
languid seriousness »in imitation of the old one about the towns and the
rivers you know«
»Ah perhaps« said Grandcourt without change of expression Lady Mallinger
thought this worth telling to Sir Hugo who said »Oh my dear he is not a
fool You must not suppose that he cant see a joke He can play his cards as
well as most of us«
»He has never seemed to me a very sensible man« said Lady Mallinger in
excuse of herself She had a secret objection to meeting Grandcourt who was
little else to her than a large living sign of what she felt to be her failure
as a wife the not having presented Sir Hugo with a son Her constant
reflection was that her husband might fairly regret his choice and if he had
not been very good might have treated her with some roughness in consequence
gentlemen naturally disliking to be disappointed
Deronda too had a recognition from Grandcourt for which he was not
grateful though he took care to return it with perfect civility No reasoning
as to the foundations of custom could do away with the earlyrooted feeling that
his birth had been attended with injury for which his father was to blame and
seeing that but for this injury Grandcourts prospect might have been his he
was proudly resolute not to behave in any way that might be interpreted into
irritation on that score He saw a very easy descent into mean unreasoning
rancour and triumph in others frustration and being determined not to go down
that ugly pit he turned his back on it clinging to the kindlier affections
within him as a possession Pride certainly helped him well the pride of not
recognising a disadvantage for ones self which vulgar minds are disposed to
exaggerate such as the shabby equipage of poverty he would not have a man like
Grandcourt suppose himself envied by him But there is no guarding against
interpretation Grandcourt did believe that Deronda poor devil who he had no
doubt was his cousin by the fathers side inwardly winced under their mutual
position wherefore the presence of that less lucky person was more agreeable to
him than it would otherwise have been An imaginary envy the idea that others
feel their comparative deficiency is the ordinary cortège of egoism and his
pet dogs were not the only beings that Grandcourt liked to feel his power over
in making them jealous Hence he was civil enough to exchange several words with
Deronda on the terrace about the hunting round Diplow and even said »You had
better come over for a run or two when the season begins«
Lush not displeased with delay amused himself very well partly in
gossiping with Sir Hugo and in answering his questions about Grandcourts
affairs so far as they might affect his willingness to part with his interest in
Diplow Also about Grandcourts personal entanglements the baronet knew enough
already for Lush to feel released from silence on a sunny autumn day when there
was nothing more agreeable to do in lounging promenades than to speak freely of
a tyrannous patron behind his back Sir Hugo willingly inclined his ear to a
little goodhumoured scandal which he was fond of calling traits de moeurs but
he was strict in keeping such communications from hearers who might take them
too seriously Whatever knowledge he had of his nephews secrets he had never
spoken of it to Deronda who considered Grandcourt a paleblooded mortal but
was far from wishing to hear how the red corpuscles had been washed out of him
It was Lushs policy and inclination to gratify everybody when he had no reason
to the contrary and the baronet always treated him well as one of those
easyhandled personages who frequenting the society of gentlemen without being
exactly gentlemen themselves can be the more serviceable like the secondbest
articles of our wardrobe which we use with a comfortable freedom from anxiety
»Well you will let me know the turn of events« said Sir Hugo »if this
marriage seems likely to come off after all or if anything else happens to make
the want of money more pressing My plan would be much better for him than
burthening Ryelands«
»Thats true« said Lush »only it must not be urged on him just placed in
his way that the scent may tickle him Grandcourt is not a man to be always led
by what makes for his own interest especially if you let him see that it makes
for your interest too Im attached to him of course Ive given up everything
else for the sake of keeping by him and it has lasted a good fifteen years now
He would not easily get any one else to fill my place Hes a peculiar
character is Henleigh Grandcourt and it has been growing on him of late years
However Im of a constant disposition and Ive been a sort of guardian to him
since he was twenty an uncommonly fascinating fellow he was then to be sure
and could be now if he liked Im attached to him and it would be a good deal
worse for him if he missed me at his elbow«
Sir Hugo did not think it needful to express his sympathy or even assent
and perhaps Lush himself did not expect this sketch of his motives to be taken
as exact But how can a man avoid himself as a subject in conversation And he
must make some sort of decent toilet in words as in cloth and linen Lushs
listener was not severe a member of Parliament could allow for the necessities
of verbal toilet and the dialogue went on without any change of mutual
estimate
However Lushs easy prospect of indefinite procrastination was cut off the
next morning by Grandcourts saluting him with the question
»Are you making all the arrangements for our starting by the Paris train«
»I didnt know you meant to start« said Lush not exactly taken by
surprise
»You might have known« said Grandcourt looking at the burnt length of his
cigar and speaking in that lowered tone which was usual with him when he meant
to express disgust and be peremptory »Just see to everything will you and
mind no brute gets into the same carriage with us And leave my PPC at the
Mallingers«
In consequence they were at Paris the next day but here Lush was gratified
by the proposal or command that he should go straight on to Diplow and see that
everything was right while Grandcourt and the valet remained behind and it was
not until several days later that Lush received the telegram ordering the
carriage to the Wanchester station
He had used the interim actively not only in carrying out Grandcourts
orders about the stud and household but in learning all he could of Gwendolen
and how things were going on at Offendene What was the probable effect that the
news of the family misfortunes would have on Grandcourts fitful obstinacy he
felt to be quite incalculable So far as the girls poverty might be an argument
that she would accept an offer from him now in spite of any previous coyness it
might remove that bitter objection to risk a repulse which Lush divined to be
one of Grandcourts deterring motives on the other hand the certainty of
acceptance was just »the sort of thing« to make him lapse hither and thither
with no more apparent will than a moth Lush had had his patron under close
observation for many years and knew him perhaps better than he knew any other
subject but to know Grandcourt was to doubt what he would do in any particular
case It might happen that he would behave with an apparent magnanimity like
the hero of a modern French drama whose sudden start into moral splendour after
much lying and meanness leaves you little confidence as to any part of his
career that may follow the fall of the curtain Indeed what attitude would have
been more honourable for a final scene than that of declining to seek an heiress
for her money and determining to marry the attractive girl who had none But
Lush had some general certainties about Grandcourt and one was that of all
inward movements those of generosity were the least likely to occur in him Of
what use however is a general certainty that an insect will not walk with his
head hindmost when what you need to know is the play of inward stimulus that
sends him hither and thither in a network of possible paths Thus Lush was much
at fault as to the probable issue between Grandcourt and Gwendolen when what he
desired was a perfect confidence that they would never be married He would have
consented willingly that Grandcourt should marry an heiress or that he should
marry Mrs Glasher in the one match there would have been the immediate
abundance that prospective heirship could not supply in the other there would
have been the security of the wifes gratitude for Lush had always been Mrs
Glashers friend and that the future Mrs Grandcourt should not be socially
received could not affect his private comfort He would not have minded either
that there should be no marriage in question at all but he felt himself
justified in doing his utmost to hinder a marriage with a girl who was likely to
bring nothing but trouble to her husband not to speak of annoyance if not
ultimate injury to her husbands old companion whose future Mr Lush earnestly
wished to make as easy as possible considering that he had well deserved such
compensation for leading a dogs life though that of a dog who enjoyed many
tastes undisturbed and who profited by a large establishment He wished for
himself what he felt to be good and was not conscious of wishing harm to any
one else unless perhaps it were just now a little harm to the inconvenient and
impertinent Gwendolen But the easiesthumoured amateur of luxury and music the
toadeater the least liable to nausea must be expected to have his
susceptibilities And Mr Lush was accustomed to be treated by the world in
general as an apt agreeable fellow he had not made up his mind to be insulted
by more than one person
With this imperfect preparation of a war policy Lush was awaiting
Grandcourts arrival doing little more than wondering how the campaign would
begin The first day Grandcourt was much occupied with the stables and amongst
other things he ordered a groom to put a sidesaddle on Criterion and let him
review the horses paces This marked indication of purpose set Lush on
considering over again whether he should incur the ticklish consequences of
speaking first while he was still sure that no compromising step had been
taken and he rose the next morning almost resolved that if Grandcourt seemed in
as good a humour as yesterday and entered at all into talk he would let drop
the interesting facts about Gwendolen and her family just to see how they would
work and to get some guidance But Grandcourt did not enter into talk and in
answer to a question even about his own convenience no fish could have
maintained a more unwinking silence After he had read his letters he gave
various orders to be executed or transmitted by Lush and then thrust his
shoulders towards that useful person who accordingly rose to leave the room
But before he was out of the door Grandcourt turned his head slightly and gave a
broken languid »Oh«
»What is it« said Lush who it must have been observed did not take his
dusty puddings with a respectful air
»Shut the door will you I cant speak into the corridor«
Lush closed the door came forward and chose to sit down
After a little pause Grandcourt said »Is Miss Harleth at Offendene« He was
quite certain that Lush had made it his business to inquire about her and he
had some pleasure in thinking that Lush did not want him to inquire
»Well I hardly know« said Lush carelessly »The familys utterly done up
They and the Gascoignes too have lost all their money Its owing to some
rascally banking business The poor mother hasnt a sou it seems She and the
girls have to huddle themselves into a little cottage like a labourers«
»Dont lie to me if you please« said Grandcourt in his lowest audible
tone »Its not amusing and it answers no other purpose«
»What do you mean« said Lush more nettled than was common with him the
prospect before him being more than commonly disturbing
»Just tell me the truth will you«
»Its no invention of mine I have heard the story from several Bazley
Brackenshaws man for one He is getting a new tenant for Offendene«
»I dont mean that Is Miss Harleth there or is she not« said Grandcourt
in his former tone
»Upon my soul I cant tell« said Lush rather sulkily »She may have left
yesterday I heard she had taken a situation as governess she may be gone to it
for what I know But if you wanted to see her no doubt the mother would send for
her back« This sneer slipped off his tongue without strict intention
»Send Hutchins to inquire whether she will be there tomorrow«
Lush did not move Like many persons who have thought over beforehand what
they shall say in given cases he was impelled by an unexpected irritation to
say some of those prearranged things before the cases were given Grandcourt in
fact was likely to get into a scrape so tremendous that it was impossible to
let him take the first step towards it without remonstrance Lush retained
enough caution to use a tone of rational friendliness still he felt his own
value to his patron and was prepared to be daring
»It would be as well for you to remember Grandcourt that you are coming
under closer fire now There can be none of the ordinary flirting done which
may mean everything or nothing You must make up your mind whether you wish to
be accepted and more than that how you would like being refused Either one or
the other You cant be philandering after her again for six weeks«
Grandcourt said nothing but pressed the newspaper down on his knees and
began to light another cigar Lush took this as a sign that he was willing to
listen and was the more bent on using the opportunity he wanted if possible to
find out which would be the more potent cause of hesitation probable
acceptance or probable refusal
»Everything has a more serious look now than it had before There is her
family to be provided for You could not let your wifes mother live in beggary
It will be a confoundedly hampering affair Marriage will pin you down in a way
you havent been used to and in point of money you have not too much
elbowroom And after all what will you get by it You are master over your
estates present or future as far as choosing your heir goes its a pity to go
on encumbering them for a mere whim which you may repent of in a twelvemonth I
should be sorry to see you making a mess of your life in that way If there were
anything solid to be gained by the marriage that would be a different affair«
Lushs tone had gradually become more and more unctuous in its friendliness
of remonstrance and he was almost in danger of forgetting that he was merely
gambling in argument When he left off Grandcourt took his cigar out of his
mouth and looking steadily at the moist end while he adjusted the leaf with his
delicate fingertips said
»I knew before that you had an objection to my marrying Miss Harleth« Here
he made a little pause before he continued »But I never considered that a
reason against it«
»I never supposed you did« answered Lush not unctuously but drily »It
was not that I urged as a reason I should have thought it might have been a
reason against it after all your experience that you would be acting like the
hero of a ballad and making yourself absurd and all for what You know you
couldnt make up your mind before Its impossible you can care much about her
And as for the tricks she is likely to play you may judge of that from what you
heard at Leubronn However what I wished to point out to you was that there
can be no shillyshally now«
»Perfectly« said Grandcourt looking round at Lush and fixing him with
narrow eyes »I dont intend that there should be I daresay its disagreeable
to you But if you suppose I care a damn for that you are most stupendously
mistaken«
»Oh well« said Lush rising with his hands in his pockets and feeling
some latent venom still within him »if you have made up your mind only
theres another aspect of the affair I have been speaking on the supposition
that it was absolutely certain she would accept you and that destitution would
have no choice But I am not so sure that the young lady is to be counted on
She is kittle cattle to shoe I think And she had her reasons for running away
before« Lush had moved a step or two till he stood nearly in front of
Grandcourt though at some distance from him He did not feel himself much
restrained by consequences being aware that the only strong hold he had on his
present position was his serviceableness and even after a quarrel the want of
him was likely sooner or later to recur He foresaw that Gwendolen would cause
him to be ousted for a time and his temper at this moment urged him to risk a
quarrel
»She had her reasons« he repeated more significantly
»I had come to that conclusion before« said Grandcourt with contemptuous
irony
»Yes but I hardly think you know what her reasons were«
»You do apparently« said Grandcourt not betraying by so much as an
eyelash that he cared for the reasons
»Yes and you had better know too that you may judge of the influence you
have over her if she swallows her reasons and accepts you For my own part I
would take odds against it She saw Lydia in Cardell Chase and heard the whole
story«
Grandcourt made no immediate answer and only went on smoking He was so
long before he spoke that Lush moved about and looked out of the windows
unwilling to go away without seeing some effect of his daring move He had
expected that Grandcourt would tax him with having contrived the affair since
Mrs Glasher was then living at Gadsmere a hundred miles off and he was
prepared to admit the fact what he cared about was that Grandcourt should be
staggered by the sense that his intended advances must be made to a girl who had
that knowledge in her mind and had been scared by it At length Grandcourt
seeing Lush turn towards him looked at him again and said contemptuously
»What follows«
Here certainly was a »mate« in answer to Lushs »check« and though his
exasperation with Grandcourt was perhaps stronger than it had ever been before
it would have been mere idiocy to act as if any further move could be useful He
gave a slight shrug with one shoulder and was going to walk away when
Grandcourt turning on his seat towards the table said as quietly as if
nothing had occurred »Oblige me by pushing that pen and paper here will you«
No thunderous bullying superior could have exercised the imperious spell
that Grandcourt did Why instead of being obeyed he had never been told to go
to a warmer place was perhaps a mystery to several who found themselves obeying
him The pen and paper were pushed to him and as he took them he said »Just
wait for this letter«
He scrawled with ease and the brief note was quickly addressed »Let
Hutchins go with it at once will you« said Grandcourt pushing the letter away
from him
As Lush had expected it was addressed to Miss Harleth Offendene When his
irritation had cooled down he was glad there had been no explosive quarrel but
he felt sure that there was a notch made against him and that somehow or other
he was intended to pay It was also clear to him that the immediate effect of
his revelation had been to harden Grandcourts previous determination But as to
the particular movements which made this process in his baffling mind Lush
could only toss up his chin in despair of a theory
Chapter XXVI
He brings white asses laden with the freight
Of Tyrian vessels purple gold and balm
To bribe my will Ill bid them chase him forth
Nor let him breathe the taint of his surmise
On my secure resolve
Ay tis secure
And therefore let him come to spread his freight
For firmness hath its appetite and craves
The stronger lure more strongly to resist
Would know the touch of gold to fling it off
Scent wine to feel its lip the soberer
Behold soft byssus ivory and plumes
To say »Theyre fair but I will none of them«
And flout Enticement in the very face
Mr Gascoigne one day came to Offendene with what he felt to be the satisfactory
news that Mrs Mompert had fixed Tuesday in the following week for her interview
with Gwendolen at Wanchester He said nothing of his having incidentally heard
that Mr Grandcourt had returned to Diplow knowing no more than she did that
Leubronn had been the goal of her admirers journeying and feeling that it
would be unkind uselessly to revive the memory of a brilliant prospect under the
present reverses In his secret soul he thought of his nieces unintelligible
caprice with regret but he vindicated her to himself by considering that
Grandcourt had been the first to behave oddly in suddenly walking away when
there had been the best opportunity for crowning his marked attentions The
Rectors practical judgment told him that his chief duty to his niece now was to
encourage her resolutely to face the change in her lot since there was no
manifest promise of any event that would avert it
»You will find an interest in varied experience my dear and I have no
doubt you will be a more valuable woman for having sustained such a part as you
are called to«
»I cannot pretend to believe that I shall like it« said Gwendolen for the
first time showing her uncle some petulance »But I am quite aware that I am
obliged to bear it«
She remembered having submitted to his admonition on a different occasion
when she was expected to like a very different prospect
»And your good sense will teach you to behave suitably under it« said Mr
Gascoigne with a shade more gravity »I feel sure that Mrs Mompert will be
pleased with you You will know how to conduct yourself to a woman who holds in
all senses the relation of superior to you This trouble has come on you young
but that makes it in some respects easier and there is benefit in all
chastisement if we adjust our minds to it«
This was precisely what Gwendolen was unable to do and after her uncle was
gone the bitter tears which had rarely come during the late trouble rose and
fell slowly as she sat alone Her heart denied that the trouble was easier
because she was young When was she to have any happiness if it did not come
while she was young Not that her visions of possible happiness for herself were
as unmixed with necessary evil as they used to be not that she could still
imagine herself plucking the fruits of life without suspicion of their core But
this general disenchantment with the world nay with herself since it
appeared that she was not made for easy preeminence only intensified her
sense of forlornness it was a visibly sterile distance enclosing the dreary
path at her feet in which she had no courage to tread She was in that first
crisis of passionate youthful rebellion against what is not fitly called pain
but rather the absence of joy that first rage of disappointment in lifes
morning which we whom the years have subdued are apt to remember but dimly as
part of our own experience and so to be intolerant of its selfenclosed
unreasonableness and impiety What passion seems more absurd when we have got
outside it and looked at calamity as a collective risk than this amazed anguish
that I and not Thou He or She should be just the smitten one Yet perhaps
some who have afterwards made themselves a willing fence before the breast of
another and have carried their own heartwound in heroic silence some who
have made their latter deeds great nevertheless began with this angry amazement
at their own smart and on the mere denial of their fantastic desires raged as
if under the sting of wasps which reduced the universe for them to an unjust
infliction of pain This was nearly poor Gwendolens condition What though such
a reverse as hers had often happened to other girls The one point she had been
all her life learning to care for was that it had happened to her it was what
she felt under Klesmers demonstration that she was not remarkable enough to
command fortune by force of will and merit it was what she would feel under the
rigours of Mrs Momperts constant expectation under the dull demand that she
should be cheerful with three Miss Momperts under the necessity of showing
herself entirely submissive and keeping her thoughts to herself To be a queen
disthroned is not so hard as some other downstepping imagine one who had been
made to believe in his own divinity finding all homage withdrawn and himself
unable to perform a miracle that would recall the homage and restore his own
confidence Something akin to this illusion and this helplessness had befallen
the poor spoiled child with the lovely lips and eyes and the majestic figure
which seemed now to have no magic in them
She rose from the low ottoman where she had been sitting purposeless and
walked up and down the drawingroom resting her elbow on one palm while she
leaned down her cheek on the other and a slow tear fell She thought »I have
always ever since I was little felt that mamma was not a happy woman and now
I daresay I shall be more unhappy than she has been« Her mind dwelt for a few
moments on the picture of herself losing her youth and ceasing to enjoy not
minding whether she did this or that but such picturing inevitably brought back
the image of her mother »Poor mamma it will be still worse for her now I can
get a little money for her that is all I shall care about now« And then with
an entirely new movement of her imagination she saw her mother getting quite
old and white and herself no longer young but faded and their two faces
meeting still with memory and love and she knowing what was in her mothers
mind »Poor Gwen too is sad and faded now« and then for the first time she
sobbed not in anger but with a sort of tender misery
Her face was towards the door and she saw her mother enter She barely saw
that for her eyes were large with tears and she pressed her handkerchief
against them hurriedly Before she took it away she felt her mothers arms round
her and this sensation which seemed a prolongation of her inward vision
overcame her will to be reticent she sobbed anew in spite of herself as they
pressed their cheeks together
Mrs Davilow had brought something in her hand which had already caused her
an agitating anxiety and she dared not speak until her darling had become
calmer But Gwendolen with whom weeping had always been a painful manifestation
to be resisted if possible again pressed her handkerchief against her eyes and
with a deep breath drew her head backward and looked at her mother who was pale
and tremulous
»It was nothing mamma« said Gwendolen thinking that her mother had been
moved in this way simply by finding her in distress »It is all over now«
But Mrs Davilow had withdrawn her arms and Gwendolen perceived a letter in
her hand
»What is that letter worse news still« she asked with a touch of
bitterness
»I dont know what you will think it dear« said Mrs Davilow keeping the
letter in her hand »You will hardly guess where it comes from«
»Dont ask me to guess anything« said Gwendolen rather impatiently as if
a bruise were being pressed
»It is addressed to you dear«
Gwendolen gave the slightest perceptible toss of the head
»It comes from Diplow« said Mrs Davilow giving her the letter
She knew Grandcourts indistinct handwriting and her mother was not
surprised to see her blush deeply but watching her as she read and wondering
much what was the purport of the letter she saw the colour die out Gwendolens
lips even were pale as she turned the open note towards her mother The words
were few and formal
»Mr Grandcourt presents his compliments to Miss Harleth and begs to know
whether he may be permitted to call at Offendene tomorrow after two and to see
her alone Mr Grandcourt has just returned from Leubronn where he had hoped to
find Miss Harleth«
Mrs Davilow read and then looked at her daughter inquiringly leaving the
note in her hand Gwendolen let it fall on the floor and turned away
»It must be answered darling« said Mrs Davilow timidly »The man waits«
Gwendolen sank on the settee clasped her hands and looked straight before
her not at her mother She had the expression of one who had been startled by a
sound and was listening to know what would come of it The sudden change of the
situation was bewildering A few minutes before she was looking along an
inescapable path of repulsive monotony with hopeless inward rebellion against
the imperious lot which left her no choice and lo now a moment of choice was
come Yet was it triumph she felt most or terror Impossible for Gwendolen not
to feel some triumph in a tribute to her power at a time when she was first
tasting the bitterness of insignificance again she seemed to be getting a sort
of empire over her own life But how to use it Here came the terror Quick
quick like pictures in a book beaten open with a sense of hurry came back
vividly yet in fragments all that she had gone through in relation to
Grandcourt the allurements the vacillations the resolve to accede the final
repulsion the incisive face of that darkeyed lady with the lovely boy her own
pledge was it a pledge not to marry him the new disbelief in the worth of
men and things for which that scene of disclosure had become a symbol That
unalterable experience made a vision at which in the first agitated moment
before tempering reflections could suggest themselves her native terror shrank
Where was the good of choice coming again What did she wish Anything
different No and yet in the dark seedgrowths of consciousness a new wish was
forming itself »I wish I had never known it« Something anything she wished
for that would have saved her from the dread to let Grandcourt come
It was no long while yet it seemed long to Mrs Davilow before she
thought it well to say gently
»It will be necessary for you to write dear Or shall I write an answer for
you which you will dictate«
»No mamma« said Gwendolen drawing a deep breath »But please lay me out
the pen and paper«
That was gaining time Was she to decline Grandcourts visit close the
shutters not even look out on what would happen though with the assurance
that she should remain just where she was The young activity within her made a
warm current through her terror and stirred towards something that would be an
event towards an opportunity in which she could look and speak with the former
effectiveness The interest of the morrow was no longer at a deadlock
»There is really no reason on earth why you should be so alarmed at the
mans waiting a few minutes mamma« said Gwendolen remonstrantly as Mrs
Davilow having prepared the writing materials looked towards her expectantly
»Servants expect nothing else than to wait It is not to be supposed that I must
write on the instant«
»No dear« said Mrs Davilow in the tone of one corrected turning to sit
down and take up a bit of work that lay at hand »he can wait another quarter of
an hour if you like«
It was very simple speech and action on her part but it was what might have
been subtly calculated Gwendolen felt a contradictory desire to be hastened
hurry would save her from deliberate choice
»I did not mean him to wait long enough for that needlework to be finished«
she said lifting her hands to stroke the backward curves of her hair while she
rose from her seat and stood still
»But if you dont feel able to decide« said Mrs Davilow sympathisingly
»I must decide« said Gwendolen walking to the writingtable and seating
herself All the while there was a busy undercurrent in her like the thought of
a man who keeps up a dialogue while he is considering how he can slip away Why
should she not let him come It bound her to nothing He had been to Leubronn
after her of course he meant a direct unmistakeable renewal of the suit which
before had been only implied What then She could reject him Why was she to
deny herself the freedom of doing this which she would like to do
»If Mr Grandcourt has only just returned from Leubronn« said Mrs Davilow
observing that Gwendolen leaned back in her chair after taking the pen in her
hand »I wonder whether he has heard of our misfortunes«
»That could make no difference to a man in his position« said Gwendolen
rather contemptuously
»It would to some men« said Mrs Davilow »They would not like to take a
wife from a family in a state of beggary almost as we are Here we are at
Offendene with a great shell over us as usual But just imagine his finding us
at Sawyers Cottage Most men are afraid of being bored or taxed by a wifes
family If Mr Grandcourt did know I think it a strong proof of his attachment
to you«
Mrs Davilow spoke with unusual emphasis it was the first time she had
ventured to say anything about Grandcourt which would necessarily seem intended
as an argument in favour of him her habitual impression being that such
arguments would certainly be useless and might be worse The effect of her words
now was stronger than she could imagine they raised a new set of possibilities
in Gwendolens mind a vision of what Grandcourt might do for her mother if
she Gwendolen did what she was not going to do She was so moved by a new
rush of ideas that like one conscious of being urgently called away she felt
that the immediate task must be hastened the letter must be written else it
might be endlessly deferred After all she acted in a hurry as she had wished
to do To act in a hurry was to have a reason for keeping away from an absolute
decision and to leave open as many issues as possible
She wrote »Miss Harleth presents her compliments to Mr Grandcourt She
will be at home after two oclock tomorrow«
Before addressing the note she said »Pray ring the bell mamma if there is
any one to answer it« She really did not know who did the work of the house
It was not till after the letter had been taken away and Gwendolen had risen
again stretching out one arm and then resting it on her head with a long moan
which had a sound of relief in it that Mrs Davilow ventured to ask
»What did you say Gwen«
»I said that I should be at home« answered Gwendolen rather loftily Then
after a pause »You must not expect because Mr Grandcourt is coming that
anything is going to happen mamma«
»I dont allow myself to expect anything dear I desire you to follow your
own feeling You have never told me what that was«
»What is the use of telling« said Gwendolen hearing a reproach in that
true statement »When I have anything pleasant to tell you may be sure I will
tell you«
»But Mr Grandcourt will consider that you have already accepted him in
allowing him to come His note tells you plainly enough that he is coming to
make you an offer«
»Very well and I wish to have the pleasure of refusing him«
Mrs Davilow looked up in wonderment but Gwendolen implied her wish not to
be questioned further by saying
»Put down that detestable needlework and let us walk in the avenue I am
stifled«
Chapter XXVII
Desire has trimmed the sails and Circumstance
Brings but the breeze to fill them
While Grandcourt on his beautiful black Yarico the groom behind him on
Criterion was taking the pleasant ride from Diplow to Offendene Gwendolen was
seated before the mirror while her mother gathered up the lengthy mass of
lightbrown hair which she had been carefully brushing
»Only gather it up easily and make a coil mamma« said Gwendolen
»Let me bring you some earrings Gwen« said Mrs Davilow when the hair
was adjusted and they were both looking at the reflection in the glass It was
impossible for them not to notice that the eyes looked brighter than they had
done of late that there seemed to be a shadow lifted from the face leaving all
the lines once more in their placid youthfulness The mother drew some
inferences that made her voice rather cheerful »You do want your earrings«
»No mamma I shall not wear any ornaments and I shall put on my black
silk Black is the only wear when one is going to refuse an offer« said
Gwendolen with one of her old smiles at her mother while she rose to throw off
her dressinggown
»Suppose the offer is not made after all« said Mrs Davilow not without a
sly intention
»Then that will be because I refuse it beforehand« said Gwendolen »It
comes to the same thing«
There was a proud little toss of her head as she said this and when she
walked downstairs in her long black robes there was just that firm poise of
head and elasticity of form which had lately been missing as in a parched
plant Her mother thought »She is quite herself again It must be pleasure in
his coming Can her mind be really made up against him«
Gwendolen would have been rather angry if that thought had been uttered
perhaps all the more because through the last twenty hours with a brief
interruption of sleep she had been so occupied with perpetually alternating
images and arguments for and against the possibility of her marrying Grandcourt
that the conclusion which she had determined on beforehand ceased to have any
hold on her consciousness the alternate dip of counterbalancing thoughts
begotten of counterbalancing desires had brought her into a state in which no
conclusion could look fixed to her She would have expressed her resolve as
before but it was a form out of which the blood had been sucked no more a
part of quivering life than the »Gods will be done« of one who is eagerly
watching chances She did not mean to accept Grandcourt from the first moment
of receiving his letter she had meant to refuse him still that could not but
prompt her to look the unwelcome reasons full in the face until she had a little
less awe of them could not hinder her imagination from filling out her
knowledge in various ways some of which seemed to change the aspect of what she
knew By dint of looking at a dubious object with a constructive imagination
one can give it twenty different shapes Her indistinct grounds of hesitation
before the interview at the Whispering Stones at present counted for nothing
they were all merged in the final repulsion If it had not been for that day in
Cardell Chase she said to herself now there would have been no obstacle to her
marrying Grandcourt On that day and after it she had not reasoned and
balanced she had acted with a force of impulse against which all questioning
was no more than a voice against a torrent The impulse had come not only from
her maidenly pride and jealousy not only from the shock of another womans
calamity thrust close on her vision but from her dread of wrongdoing which
was vague it is true and aloof from the daily details of her life but not the
less strong Whatever was accepted as consistent with being a lady she had no
scruple about but from the dim region of what was called disgraceful wrong
guilty she shrank with mingled pride and terror and even apart from shame her
feeling would have made her place any deliberate injury of another in the region
of guilt
But now did she know exactly what was the state of the case with regard to
Mrs Glasher and her children She had given a sort of promise had said »I
will not interfere with your wishes« But would another woman who married
Grandcourt be in fact the decisive obstacle to her wishes or be doing her and
her boy any real injury Might it not be just as well nay better that
Grandcourt should marry For what could not a woman do when she was married if
she knew how to assert herself Here all was constructive imagination Gwendolen
had about as accurate a conception of marriage that is to say of the mutual
influences demands duties of man and woman in the state of matrimony as she
had of magnetic currents and the law of storms
»Mamma managed badly« was her way of summing up what she had seen of her
mothers experience she herself would manage quite differently And the trials
of matrimony were the last theme into which Mrs Davilow could choose to enter
fully with this daughter
»I wonder what mamma and my uncle would say if they knew about Mrs
Glasher« thought Gwendolen in her inward debating not that she could imagine
herself telling them even if she had not felt bound to silence »I wonder what
anybody would say or what they would say to Mr Grandcourts marrying some one
else and having other children« To consider what »anybody« would say was to be
released from the difficulty of judging where everything was obscure to her when
feeling had ceased to be decisive She had only to collect her memories which
proved to her that »anybody« regarded illegitimate children as more rightfully
to be looked shy on and deprived of social advantages than illegitimate fathers
The verdict of »anybody« seemed to be that she had no reason to concern herself
greatly on behalf of Mrs Glasher and her children
But there was another way in which they had caused her concern What others
might think could not do away with a feeling which in the first instance would
hardly be too strongly described as indignation and loathing that she should
have been expected to unite herself with an outworn life full of backward
secrets which must have been more keenly felt than any associations with her
True the question of love on her own part had occupied her scarcely at all in
relation to Grandcourt The desirability of marriage for her had always seemed
due to other feelings than love and to be enamoured was the part of the man on
whom the advances depended Gwendolen had found no objection to Grandcourts way
of being enamoured before she had had that glimpse of his past which she
resented as if it had been a deliberate offence against her His advances to her
were deliberate and she felt a retrospective disgust for them Perhaps other
mens lives were of the same kind full of secrets which made the ignorant
suppositions of the woman they wanted to marry a farce at which they were
laughing in their sleeves
These feelings of disgust and indignation had sunk deep and though other
troublous experience in the last weeks had dulled them from passion into
remembrance it was chiefly their reverberating activity which kept her firm to
the understanding with herself that she was not going to accept Grandcourt She
had never meant to form a new determination she had only been considering what
might be thought or said If anything could have induced her to change it would
have been the prospect of making all things easy for »poor mamma« that she
admitted was a temptation But no she was going to refuse him Meanwhile the
thought that he was coming to be refused was inspiriting she had the white
reins in her hands again there was a new current in her frame reviving her
from the beatendown consciousness in which she had been left by the interview
with Klesmer She was not now going to crave an opinion of her capabilities she
was going to exercise her power
Was this what made her heart palpitate annoyingly when she heard the horses
footsteps on the gravel when Miss Merry who opened the door to Grandcourt
came to tell her that he was in the drawingroom The hours of preparation and
the triumph of the situation were apparently of no use she might as well have
seen Grandcourt coming suddenly on her in the midst of her despondency While
walking into the drawingroom she had to concentrate all her energy in that
selfcontrol which made her appear gravely gracious as she gave her hand to him
and answered his hope that she was quite well in a voice as low and languid as
his own A moment afterwards when they were both of them seated on two of the
wreathpainted chairs Gwendolen upright with downcast eyelids Grandcourt
about two yards distant leaning one arm over the back of his chair and looking
at her while he held his hat in his left hand any one seeing them as a
picture would have concluded that they were in some stage of lovemaking
suspense And certainly the lovemaking had begun she already felt herself
being wooed by this silent man seated at an agreeable distance with the
subtlest atmosphere of atta of roses and an attention bent wholly on her And he
also considered himself to be wooing he was not a man to suppose that his
presence carried no consequences and he was exactly the man to feel the utmost
piquancy in a girl whom he had not found quite calculable
»I was disappointed not to find you at Leubronn« he began his usual broken
drawl having just a shade of amorous languor in it »The place was intolerable
without you A mere kennel of a place Dont you think so«
»I cant judge what it would be without myself« said Gwendolen turning her
eyes on him with some recovered sense of mischief »With myself I liked it well
enough to have stayed longer if I could But I was obliged to come home on
account of family troubles«
»It was very cruel of you to go to Leubronn« said Grandcourt taking no
notice of the troubles on which Gwendolen she hardly knew why wished that
there should be a clear understanding at once »You must have known that it
would spoil everything you knew you were the heart and soul of everything that
went on Are you quite reckless about me«
It was impossible to say »yes« in a tone that would be taken seriously
equally impossible to say »no« but what else could she say In her difficulty
she turned down her eyelids again and blushed over face and neck Grandcourt saw
her in a new phase and believed that she was showing her inclination But he
was determined that she should show it more decidedly
»Perhaps there is some deeper interest Some attraction some engagement
which it would have been only fair to make me aware of Is there any man who
stands between us«
Inwardly the answer framed itself »No but there is a woman« Yet how could
she utter this Even if she had not promised that woman to be silent it would
have been impossible for her to enter on the subject with Grandcourt But how
could she arrest this wooing by beginning to make a formal speech »I perceive
your intention it is most flattering c« A fish honestly invited to come
and be eaten has a clear course in declining but how if it finds itself
swimming against a net And apart from the network would she have dared at once
to say anything decisive Gwendolen had not time to be clear on that point As
it was she felt compelled to silence and after a pause Grandcourt said
»Am I to understand that some one else is preferred«
Gwendolen now impatient of her own embarrassment determined to rush at the
difficulty and free herself She raised her eyes again and said with something
of her former clearness and defiance »No« wishing him to understand »What
then I may not be ready to take you« There was nothing that Grandcourt could
not understand which he perceived likely to affect his amour propre
»The last thing I would do is to importune you I should not hope to win
you by making myself a bore If there were no hope for me I would ask you to
tell me so at once that I might just ride away to no matter where«
Almost to her own astonishment Gwendolen felt a sudden alarm at the image
of Grandcourt finally riding away What would be left her then Nothing but the
former dreariness She liked him to be there She snatched at the subject that
would defer any decisive answer
»I fear you are not aware of what has happened to us I have lately had to
think so much of my mammas troubles that other subjects have been quite thrown
into the background She has lost all her fortune and we are going to leave
this place I must ask you to excuse my seeming preoccupied«
In eluding a direct appeal Gwendolen recovered some of her selfpossession
She spoke with dignity and looked straight at Grandcourt whose long narrow
impenetrable eyes met hers and mysteriously arrested them mysteriously for
the subtlyvaried drama between man and woman is often such as can hardly be
rendered in words put together like dominoes according to obvious fixed marks
The word of all work Love will no more express the myriad modes of mutual
attraction than the word Thought can inform you what is passing through your
neighbours mind It would be hard to tell on which side Gwendolens or
Grandcourts the influence was more mixed At that moment his strongest wish
was to be completely master of this creature this piquant combination of
maidenliness and mischief that she knew things which had made her start away
from him spurred him to triumph over that repugnance and he was believing that
he should triumph And she ah piteous equality in the need to dominate she
was overcome like the thirsty one who is drawn towards the seeming water in the
desert overcome by the suffused sense that here in this mans homage to her lay
the rescue from helpless subjection to an oppressive lot
All the while they were looking at each other and Grandcourt said slowly
and languidly as if it were of no importance other things having been settled
»You will tell me now I hope that Mrs Davilows loss of fortune will not
trouble you further You will trust me to prevent it from weighing upon her You
will give me the claim to provide against that«
The little pauses and refined drawlings with which this speech was uttered
gave time for Gwendolen to go through the dream of a life As the words
penetrated her they had the effect of a draught of wine which suddenly makes
all things easier desirable things not so wrong and people in general less
disagreeable She had a momentary phantasmal love for this man who chose his
words so well and who was a mere incarnation of delicate homage Repugnance
dread scruples these were dim as remembered pains while she was already
tasting relief under the immediate pain of hopelessness She imagined herself
already springing to her mother and being playful again Yet when Grandcourt
had ceased to speak there was an instant in which she was conscious of being at
the turning of the ways
»You are very generous« she said not moving her eyes and speaking with a
gentle intonation
»You accept what will make such things a matter of course« said Grandcourt
without any new eagerness »You consent to become my wife«
This time Gwendolen remained quite pale Something made her rise from her
seat in spite of herself and walk to a little distance Then she turned and with
her hands folded before her stood in silence
Grandcourt immediately rose too resting his hat on the chair but still
keeping hold of it The evident hesitation of this destitute girl to take his
splendid offer stung him into a keenness of interest such as he had not known
for years None the less because he attributed her hesitation entirely to her
knowledge about Mrs Glasher In that attitude of preparation he said
»Do you command me to go« No familiar spirit could have suggested to him
more effective words
»No« said Gwendolen She could not let him go that negative was a clutch
She seemed to herself to be after all only drifted towards the tremendous
decision but drifting depends on something besides the currents when the
sails have been set beforehand
»You accept my devotion« said Grandcourt holding his hat by his side and
looking straight into her eyes without other movement Their eyes meeting in
that way seemed to allow any length of pause but wait as long as she would how
could she contradict herself What had she detained him for He had shut out any
explanation
»Yes« came as gravely from Gwendolens lips as if she had been answering to
her name in a court of justice He received it gravely and they still looked at
each other in the same attitude Was there ever before such a way of accepting
the blissgiving »Yes« Grandcourt liked better to be at that distance from her
and to feel under a ceremony imposed by an indefinable prohibition that breathed
from Gwendolens bearing
But he did at length lay down his hat and advance to take her hand just
pressing his lips upon it and letting it go again She thought his behaviour
perfect and gained a sense of freedom which made her almost ready to be
mischievous Her »Yes« entailed so little at this moment that there was nothing
to screen the reversal of her gloomy prospects her vision was filled by her own
release from the Momperts and her mothers release from Sawyers Cottage With
a happy curl of the lips she said
»Will you not see mamma I will fetch her«
»Let us wait a little« said Grandcourt in his favourite attitude having
his left forefinger and thumb in his waistcoatpocket and with his right
caressing his whisker while he stood near Gwendolen and looked at her not
unlike a gentleman who has a felicitous introduction at an evening party
»Have you anything else to say to me« said Gwendolen playfully
»Yes I know having things said to you is a great bore« said Grandcourt
rather sympathetically
»Not when they are things I like to hear«
»Will it bother you to be asked how soon we can be married«
»I think it will today« said Gwendolen putting up her chin saucily
»Not today then but tomorrow Think of it before I come tomorrow In a
fortnight or three weeks as soon as possible«
»Ah you think you will be tired of my company« said Gwendolen »I notice
when people are married the husband is not so much with his wife as when they
were engaged But perhaps I shall like that better too«
She laughed charmingly
»You shall have whatever you like« said Grandcourt
»And nothing that I dont like please say that because I think I dislike
what I dont like more than I like what I like« said Gwendolen finding herself
in the womans paradise where all her nonsense is adorable
Grandcourt paused these were subtilties in which he had much experience of
his own »I dont know this is such a brute of a world things are always
turning up that one doesnt like I cant always hinder your being bored If you
like to hunt Criterion I cant hinder his coming down by some chance or other«
»Ah my friend Criterion how is he«
»He is outside I made the groom ride him that you might see him He had
the sidesaddle on for an hour or two yesterday Come to the window and look at
him«
They could see the two horses being taken slowly round the sweep and the
beautiful creatures in their fine grooming sent a thrill of exultation through
Gwendolen They were the symbols of command and luxury in delightful contrast
with the ugliness of poverty and humiliation at which she had lately been
looking close
»Will you ride Criterion tomorrow« said Grandcourt »If you will
everything shall be arranged«
»I should like it of all things« said Gwendolen »I want to lose myself in
a gallop again But now I must go and fetch mamma«
»Take my arm to the door then« said Grandcourt and she accepted Their
faces were very near each other being almost on a level and he was looking at
her She thought his manners as a lover more agreeable than any she had seen
described She had no alarm lest he meant to kiss her and was so much at her
ease that she suddenly paused in the middle of the room and said half archly
half earnestly
»Oh while I think of it there is something I dislike that you can save me
from I do not like Mr Lushs company«
»You shall not have it Ill get rid of him«
»You are not fond of him yourself«
»Not in the least I let him hang on me because he has always been a poor
devil« said Grandcourt in an adagio of utter indifference »They got him to
travel with me when I was a lad He was always that coarsehaired kind of brute
a sort of cross between a hog and a dilettante«
Gwendolen laughed All that seemed kind and natural enough Grandcourts
fastidiousness enhanced the kindness And when they reached the door his way of
opening it for her was the perfection of easy homage Really she thought he
was likely to be the least disagreeable of husbands
Mrs Davilow was waiting anxiously in her bedroom when Gwendolen entered
stepped towards her quickly and kissing her on both cheeks said in a low tone
»Come down mamma and see Mr Grandcourt I am engaged to him«
»My darling child« said Mrs Davilow with a surprise that was rather
solemn than glad
»Yes« said Gwendolen in the same tone and with a quickness which implied
that it was needless to ask questions »Everything is settled You are not going
to Sawyers Cottage I am not going to be inspected by Mrs Mompert and
everything is to be as I like So come down with me immediately«
Book IV
Gwendolen Gets Her Choice
Chapter XXVIII
»Il est plus aisé de connoître lhomme en général que de connoître
un homme en particulier«
La Rochefoucauld
An hour after Grandcourt had left the important news of Gwendolens engagement
was known at the Rectory and Mr and Mrs Gascoigne with Anna spent the
evening at Offendene
»My dear let me congratulate you on having created a strong attachment«
said the Rector »You look serious and I dont wonder at it a lifelong union
is a solemn thing But from the way Mr Grandcourt has acted and spoken I think
we may already see some good arising out of our adversity It has given you an
opportunity of observing your future husbands delicate liberality«
Mr Gascoigne referred to Grandcourts mode of implying that he would
provide for Mrs Davilow a part of the lovemaking which Gwendolen had
remembered to cite to her mother with perfect accuracy
»But I have no doubt that Mr Grandcourt would have behaved quite as
handsomely if you had not gone away to Germany Gwendolen and had been engaged
to him as you no doubt might have been more than a month ago« said Mrs
Gascoigne feeling that she had to discharge a duty on this occasion »But now
there is no more room for caprice indeed I trust you have no inclination to
any A woman has a great debt of gratitude to a man who perseveres in making her
such an offer But no doubt you feel properly«
»I am not at all sure that I do aunt« said Gwendolen with saucy gravity
»I dont know everything it is proper to feel on being engaged«
The Rector patted her shoulder and smiled as at a bit of innocent
naughtiness and his wife took his behaviour as an indication that she was not
to be displeased As for Anna she kissed Gwendolen and said »I do hope you
will be happy« but then sank into the background and tried to keep the tears
back too In the late days she had been imagining a little romance about Rex
how if he still longed for Gwendolen her heart might be softened by trouble into
love so that they could byandby be married And the romance had turned to a
prayer that she Anna might be able to rejoice like a good sister and only
think of being useful in working for Gwendolen as long as Rex was not rich But
now she wanted grace to rejoice in something else Miss Merry and the four
girls Alice with the high shoulders Bertha and Fanny the whisperers and
Isabel the listener were all present on this family occasion when everything
seemed appropriately turning to the honour and glory of Gwendolen and real life
was as interesting as »Sir Charles Grandison« The evening passed chiefly in
decisive remarks from the Rector in answer to conjectures from the two elder
ladies According to him the case was not one in which he could think it his
duty to mention settlements everything must and doubtless would safely be left
to Mr Grandcourt
»I should like to know exactly what sort of places Ryelands and Gadsmere
are« said Mrs Davilow
»Gadsmere I believe is a secondary place« said Mr Gascoigne »But
Ryelands I know to be one of our finest seats The park is extensive and the
woods of a very valuable order The house was built by Inigo Jones and the
ceilings are painted in the Italian style The estate is said to be worth twelve
thousand ayear and there are two livings one a rectory in the gift of the
Grandcourts There may be some burthens on the land Still Mr Grandcourt was
an only child«
»It would be most remarkable« said Mrs Gascoigne »if he were to become
Lord Stannery in addition to everything else Only think there is the
Grandcourt estate the Mallinger estate and the baronetcy and the peerage«
she was marking off the items on her fingers and paused on the fourth while she
added »but they say there will be no land coming to him with the peerage« It
seemed a pity there was nothing for the fifth finger
»The peerage« said the Rector judiciously »must be regarded as a remote
chance There are two cousins between the present peer and Mr Grandcourt It is
certainly a serious reflection how death and other causes do sometimes
concentrate inheritances on one man But an excess of that kind is to be
deprecated To be Sir Mallinger Grandcourt Mallinger I suppose that will be
his style with the corresponding properties is a valuable talent enough for
any man to have committed to him Let us hope it will be well used«
»And what a position for the wife Gwendolen« said Mrs Gascoigne »a great
responsibility indeed But you must lose no time in writing to Mrs Mompert
Henry It is a good thing that you have an engagement of marriage to offer as an
excuse else she might feel offended She is rather a high woman«
»I am rid of that horror« thought Gwendolen to whom the name of Mompert
had become a sort of Mumbojumbo She was very silent through the evening and
that night could hardly sleep at all in her little white bed It was a rarity in
her strong youth to be wakeful and perhaps a still greater rarity for her to be
careful that her mother should not know of her restlessness But her state of
mind was altogether new she who had been used to feel sure of herself and
ready to manage others had just taken a decisive step which she had beforehand
thought that she would not take nay perhaps was bound not to take She could
not go backward now she liked a great deal of what lay before her and there
was nothing for her to like if she went back But her resolution was dogged by
the shadow of that previous resolve which had at first come as the undoubting
movement of her whole being While she lay on her pillow with wideopen eyes
»looking on darkness which the blind do see« she was appalled by the idea that
she was going to do what she had once started away from with repugnance It was
new to her that a question of right or wrong in her conduct should rouse her
terror she had known no compunction that atoning caresses and presents could
not lay to rest But here had come a moment when something like a new
consciousness was awaked She seemed on the edge of adopting deliberately as a
notion for all the rest of her life what she had rashly said in her bitterness
when her discovery had driven her away to Leubronn that it did not signify
what she did she had only to amuse herself as best she could That lawlessness
that casting away of all care for justification suddenly frightened her it
came to her with the shadowy array of possible calamity behind it calamity
which had ceased to be a mere name for her and all the infiltrated influences
of disregarded religious teaching as well as the deeper impressions of
something awful and inexorable enveloping her seemed to concentrate themselves
in the vague conception of avenging power The brilliant position she had longed
for the imagined freedom she would create for herself in marriage the
deliverance from the dull insignificance of her girlhood all were immediately
before her and yet they had come to her hunger like food with the taint of
sacrilege upon it which she must snatch with terror In the darkness and
loneliness of her little bed her more resistant self could not act against the
first onslaught of dread after her irrevocable decision That unhappyfaced
woman and her children Grandcourt and his relations with her kept repeating
themselves in her imagination like the clinging memory of a disgrace and
gradually obliterated all other thought leaving only the consciousness that she
had taken those scenes into her life Her long wakefulness seemed a delirium a
faint faint light penetrated beside the windowcurtain the chillness
increased She could bear it no longer and cried »Mamma«
»Yes dear« said Mrs Davilow immediately in a wakeful voice
»Let me come to you«
She soon went to sleep on her mothers shoulder and slept on till late
when dreaming of a litup ballroom she opened her eyes on her mother standing
by the bedside with a small packet in her hand
»I am sorry to wake you darling but I thought it better to give you this
at once The groom has brought Criterion he has come on another horse and says
he is to stay here«
Gwendolen sat up in bed and opened the packet It was a delicate little
enamelled casket and inside was a splendid diamond ring with a letter which
contained a folded bit of coloured paper and these words
»Pray wear this ring when I come at twelve in sign of our betrothal I
enclose a cheque drawn in the name of Mr Gascoigne for immediate
expenses Of course Mrs Davilow will remain at Offendene at least for
some time I hope when I come you will have granted me an early day
when you may begin to command me at a shorter distance
Yours devotedly
HM GRANDCOURT«
The cheque was for five hundred pounds and Gwendolen turned it towards her
mother with the letter
»How very kind and delicate« said Mrs Davilow with much feeling »But I
really should like better not to be dependent on a soninlaw I and the girls
could get along very well«
»Mamma if you say that again I will not marry him« said Gwendolen
angrily
»My dear child I trust you are not going to marry only for my sake« said
Mrs Davilow deprecatingly
Gwendolen tossed her head on the pillow away from her mother and let the
ring lie She was irritated at this attempt to take away a motive Perhaps the
deeper cause of her irritation was the consciousness that she was not going to
marry solely for her mammas sake that she was drawn towards the marriage in
ways against which stronger reasons than her mothers renunciation were yet not
strong enough to hinder her She had waked up to the signs that she was
irrevocably engaged and all the ugly visions the alarms the arguments of the
night must be met by daylight in which probably they would show themselves
weak
»What I long for is your happiness dear« continued Mrs Davilow
pleadingly »I will not say anything to vex you Will you not put on the ring«
For a few moments Gwendolen did not answer but her thoughts were active At
last she raised herself with a determination to do as she would do if she had
started on horseback and go on with spirit whatever ideas might be running in
her head
»I thought the lover always put on the betrothal ring himself« she said
laughingly slipping the ring on her finger and looking at it with a charming
movement of her head »I know why he has sent it« she added nodding at her
mamma
»Why«
»He would rather make me put it on than ask me to let him do it Aha he is
very proud But so am I We shall match each other I should hate a man who went
down on his knees and came fawning on me He really is not disgusting«
»That is very moderate praise Gwen«
»No it is not for a man« said Gwendolen gaily »But now I must get up
and dress Will you come and do my hair mamma dear« she went on drawing down
her mammas face to caress it with her own cheeks »and not be so naughty any
more as to talk of living in poverty You must bear to be made comfortable even
if you dont like it And Mr Grandcourt behaves perfectly now does he not«
»Certainly he does« said Mrs Davilow encouraged and persuaded that after
all Gwendolen was fond of her betrothed She herself thought him a man whose
attentions were likely to tell on a girls feeling Suitors must often be judged
as words are by the standing and the figure they make in polite society it is
difficult to know much else of them And all the mothers anxiety turned not on
Grandcourts character but on Gwendolens mood in accepting him
The mood was necessarily passing through a new phase this morning Even in
the hour of making her toilet she had drawn on all the knowledge she had for
grounds to justify her marriage And what she most dwelt on was the
determination that when she was Grandcourts wife she would urge him to the
most liberal conduct towards Mrs Glashers children
»Of what use would it be to her that I should not marry him He could have
married her if he had liked but he did not like Perhaps she is to blame for
that There must be a great deal about her that I know nothing of And he must
have been good to her in many ways else she would not have wanted to marry
him«
But that last argument at once began to appear doubtful Mrs Glasher
naturally wished to exclude other children who would stand between Grandcourt
and her own and Gwendolens comprehension of this feeling prompted another way
of reconciling claims
»Perhaps we shall have no children I hope we shall not And he might leave
the estate to the pretty little boy My uncle said that Mr Grandcourt could do
as he liked with the estates Only when Sir Hugo Mallinger dies there will be
enough for two«
This made Mrs Glasher appear quite unreasonable in demanding that her boy
should be sole heir and the double property was a security that Grandcourts
marriage would do her no wrong when the wife was Gwendolen Harleth with all her
proud resolution not to be fairly accused This maiden had been accustomed to
think herself blameless other persons only were faulty
It was striking that in the hold which this argument of her doing no wrong
to Mrs Glasher had taken on her mind her repugnance to the idea of
Grandcourts past had sunk into a subordinate feeling The terror she had felt
in the nightwatches at overstepping the border of wickedness by doing what she
had at first felt to be wrong had dulled any emotions about his conduct She
was thinking of him whatever he might be as a man over whom she was going to
have indefinite power and her loving him having never been a question with her
any agreeableness he had was so much gain Poor Gwendolen had no awe of
unmanageable forces in the state of matrimony but regarded it as altogether a
matter of management in which she would know how to act In relation to
Grandcourts past she encouraged new doubts whether he were likely to have
differed much from other men and she devised little schemes for learning what
was expected of men in general
But whatever else might be true in the world her hair was dressed suitably
for riding and she went down in her ridinghabit to avoid delay before getting
on horseback She wanted to have her blood stirred once more with the
intoxication of youth and to recover the daring with which she had been used to
think of her course in life Already a load was lifted off her for in daylight
and activity it was less oppressive to have doubts about her choice than to
feel that she had no choice but to endure insignificance and servitude
»Go back and make yourself look like a duchess mamma« she said turning
suddenly as she was going downstairs »Put your pointlace over your head I
must have you look like a duchess You must not take things humbly«
When Grandcourt raised her left hand gently and looked at the ring she said
gravely »It was very good of you to think of everything and send me that
packet«
»You will tell me if there is anything I forget« he said keeping the hand
softly within his own »I will do anything you wish«
»But I am very unreasonable in my wishes« said Gwendolen smiling
»Yes I expect that Women always are«
»Then I will not be unreasonable« said Gwendolen taking away her hand and
tossing her head saucily »I will not be told that I am what women always are«
»I did not say that« said Grandcourt looking at her with his usual
gravity »You are what no other woman is«
»And what is that pray« said Gwendolen moving to a distance with a little
air of menace
Grandcourt made his pause before he answered »You are the woman I love«
»Oh what nice speeches« said Gwendolen laughing The sense of that love
which he must once have given to another woman under strange circumstances was
getting familiar
»Give me a nice speech in return Say when we are to be married«
»Not yet Not till we have had a gallop over the downs I am so thirsty for
that I can think of nothing else I wish the hunting had begun Sunday the
twentieth twentyseventh Monday Tuesday« Gwendolen was counting on her
fingers with the prettiest nod while she looked at Grandcourt and at last swept
one palm over the other while she said triumphantly »It will begin in ten
days«
»Let us be married in ten days then« said Grandcourt »and we shall not be
bored about the stables«
»What do women always say in answer to that« said Gwendolen mischievously
»They agree to it« said the lover rather off his guard
»Then I will not« said Gwendolen taking up her gauntlets and putting them
on while she kept her eyes on him with gathering fun in them
The scene was pleasant on both sides A cruder lover would have lost the
view of her pretty ways and attitudes and spoiled all by stupid attempts at
caresses utterly destructive of drama Grandcourt preferred the drama and
Gwendolen left at ease found her spirits rising continually as she played at
reigning Perhaps if Klesmer had seen more of her in this unconscious kind of
acting instead of when she was trying to be theatrical he might have rated her
chance higher
When they had had a glorious gallop however she was in a state of
exhilaration that disposed her to think well of hastening the marriage which
would make her life all of a piece with this splendid kind of enjoyment She
would not debate any more about an act to which she had committed herself and
she consented to fix the wedding on that day three weeks notwithstanding the
difficulty of fulfilling the customary laws of the trousseau
Lush of course was made aware of the engagement by abundant signs without
being formally told But he expected some communication as a consequence of it
and after a few days he became rather impatient under Grandcourts silence
feeling sure that the change would affect his personal prospects and wishing to
know exactly how His tactics no longer included any opposition which he did
not love for its own sake He might easily cause Grandcourt a great deal of
annoyance but it would be to his own injury and to create annoyance was not a
motive with him Miss Gwendolen he would certainly not have been sorry to
frustrate a little but after all there was no knowing what would come It was
nothing new that Grandcourt should show a perverse wilfulness yet in his freak
about this girl he struck Lush rather newly as something like a man who was fey
led on by an ominous fatality and that one born to his fortune should make a
worse business of his life than was necessary seemed really pitiable Having
protested against the marriage Lush had a secondsight for its evil
consequences Grandcourt had been taking the pains to write letters and give
orders himself instead of employing Lush and appeared to be ignoring his
usefulness even choosing against the habit of years to breakfast alone in his
dressingroom But a têteàtête was not to be avoided in a house empty of
guests and Lush hastened to use an opportunity of saying it was one day after
dinner for there were difficulties in Grandcourts dining at Offendene
»And when is the marriage to take place«
Grandcourt who drank little wine had left the table and was lounging
while he smoked in an easychair near the hearth where a fire of oak boughs
was gaping to its glowing depths and edging them with a delicate tint of ashes
delightful to behold The chair of redbrown velvet brocade was a becoming
background for his paletinted wellcut features and exquisite long hands
omitting the cigar you might have imagined him a portrait by Moroni who would
have rendered wonderfully the impenetrable gaze and air of distinction and a
portrait by that great master would have been quite as lively a companion as
Grandcourt was disposed to be But he answered without unusual delay
»On the tenth«
»I suppose you intend to remain here«
»We shall go to Ryelands for a little while but we shall return here for
the sake of the hunting«
After this word there was the languid inarticulate sound frequent with
Grandcourt when he meant to continue speaking and Lush waited for something
more Nothing came and he was going to put another question when the
inarticulate sound began again and introduced the mildlyuttered suggestion
»You had better make some new arrangement for yourself«
»What I am to cut and run« said Lush prepared to be goodtempered on the
occasion
»Something of that kind«
»The bride objects to me I hope she will make up to you for the want of my
services«
»I cant help your being so damnably disagreeable to women« said
Grandcourt in soothing apology
»To one woman if you please«
»It makes no difference since she is the one in question«
»I suppose I am not to be turned adrift after fifteen years without some
provision«
»You must have saved something out of me«
»Deuced little I have often saved something for you«
»You can have three hundred ayear But you must live in town and be ready
to look after things for me when I want you I shall be rather hard up«
»If you are not going to be at Ryelands this winter I might run down there
and let you know how Swinton goes on«
»If you like I dont care a toss where you are so that you keep out of
sight«
»Much obliged« said Lush able to take the affair more easily than he had
expected He was supported by the secret belief that he should byandby be
wanted as much as ever
»Perhaps you will not object to packing up as soon as possible« said
Grandcourt »The Torringtons are coming and Miss Harleth will be riding over
here«
»With all my heart Cant I be of use in going to Gadsmere«
»No I am going myself«
»About your being rather hard up Have you thought of that plan «
»Just leave me alone will you« said Grandcourt in his lowest audible
tone tossing his cigar into the fire and rising to walk away
He spent the evening in the solitude of the smaller drawingroom where
with various new publications on the table of the kind a gentleman may like to
have at hand without touching he employed himself as a philosopher might have
done in sitting meditatively on a sofa and abstaining from literature
political comic cynical or romantic In this way hours may pass surprisingly
soon without the arduous invisible chase of philosophy not from love of
thought but from hatred of effort from a state of the inward world something
like premature age where the need for action lapses into a mere image of what
has been is and may or might be where impulse is born and dies in a
phantasmal world pausing in rejection even of a shadowy fulfilment That is a
condition which often comes with whitening hair and sometimes too an intense
obstinacy and tenacity of rule like the main trunk of an exorbitant egoism
conspicuous in proportion as the varied susceptibilities of younger years are
stripped away
But Grandcourts hair though he had not much of it was of a fine sunny
blond and his moods were not entirely to be explained as ebbing energy We
mortals have a strange spiritual chemistry going on within us so that a lazy
stagnation or even a cottony milkiness may be preparing one knows not what
biting or explosive material The navvy waking from sleep and without malice
heaving a stone to crush the life out of his still sleeping comrade is
understood to lack the trained motive which makes a character fairly calculable
in its actions but by a roundabout course even a gentleman may make of himself
a chancy personage raising an uncertainty as to what he may do next which
sadly spoils companionship
Grandcourts thoughts this evening were like the circlets one sees in a dark
pool continually dying out and continually started again by some impulse from
below the surface The deeper central impulse came from the image of Gwendolen
but the thoughts it stirred would be imperfectly illustrated by a reference to
the amatory poets of all ages It was characteristic that he got none of his
satisfaction from the belief that Gwendolen was in love with him and that love
had overcome the jealous resentment which had made her run away from him On the
contrary he believed that this girl was rather exceptional in the fact that in
spite of his assiduous attention to her she was not in love with him and it
seemed to him very likely that if it had not been for the sudden poverty which
had come over her family she would not have accepted him From the very first
there had been an exasperating fascination in the tricksiness with which she had
not met his advances but wheeled away from them She had been brought to
accept him in spite of everything brought to kneel down like a horse under
training for the arena though she might have an objection to it all the while
On the whole Grandcourt got more pleasure out of this notion than he could have
done out of winning a girl of whom he was sure that she had a strong inclination
for him personally And yet this pleasure in mastering reluctance flourished
along with the habitual persuasion that no woman whom he favoured could be quite
indifferent to his personal influence and it seemed to him not unlikely that
byandby Gwendolen might be more enamoured of him than he of her In any case
she would have to submit and he enjoyed thinking of her as his future wife
whose pride and spirit were suited to command every one but himself He had no
taste for a woman who was all tenderness to him full of petitioning solicitude
and willing obedience He meant to be master of a woman who would have liked to
master him and who perhaps would have been capable of mastering another man
Lush having failed in his attempted reminder to Grandcourt thought it well
to communicate with Sir Hugo in whom as a man having perhaps interest enough
to command the bestowal of some place where the work was light gentlemanly and
not illpaid he was anxious to cultivate a sense of friendly obligation not
feeling at all secure against the future need of such a place He wrote the
following letter and addressed it to Park Lane whither he knew the family had
returned from Leubronn
»My dear Sir Hugo Since we came home the marriage has been absolutely
decided on and is to take place in less than three weeks It is so far
the worse for him that her mother has lately lost all her fortune and
he will have to find supplies Grandcourt I know is feeling the want
of cash and unless some other plan is resorted to he will be raising
money in a foolish way I am going to leave Diplow immediately and I
shall not be able to start the topic What I should advise is that Mr
Deronda who I know has your confidence should propose to come and pay
a short visit here according to invitation there are going to be other
people in the house and that you should put him fully in possession of
your wishes and the possible extent of your offer Then that he should
introduce the subject to Grandcourt so as not to imply that you suspect
any particular want of money on his part but only that there is a
strong wish on yours What I have formerly said to him has been in the
way of a conjecture that you might be willing to give a good sum for his
chance of Diplow but if Mr Deronda came armed with a definite offer
that would take another sort of hold Ten to one he will not close for
some time to come but the proposal will have got a stronger lodgment in
his mind and though at present he has a great notion of the hunting
here I see a likelihood under the circumstances that he will get a
distaste for the neighbourhood and there will be the notion of the
money sticking by him without being urged I would bet on your ultimate
success As I am not to be exiled to Siberia but am to be within call
it is possible that byand by I may be of more service to you But at
present I can think of no medium so good as Mr Deronda Nothing puts
Grandcourt in worse humour than having the lawyers thrust their paper
under his nose uninvited
Trusting that your visit to Leubronn has put you in excellent
condition for the winter I remain my dear Sir Hugo yours very
faithfully
THOMAS CRANMER LUSH«
Sir Hugo having received this letter at breakfast handed it to Deronda who
though he had chambers in town was somehow hardly ever in them Sir Hugo not
being contented without him The chatty baronet would have liked a young
companion even if there had been no peculiar reasons for attachment between
them one with a fine harmonious unspoiled face fitted to keep up a cheerful
view of posterity and inheritance generally notwithstanding particular
disappointments and his affection for Deronda was not diminished by the
deeplying though not obtrusive difference in their notions and tastes Perhaps
it was all the stronger acting as the same sort of difference does between a
man and a woman in giving a piquancy to the attachment which subsists in spite
of it Sir Hugo did not think unapprovingly of himself but he looked at men and
society from a liberalmenagerie point of view and he had a certain pride in
Derondas differing from him which if it had found voice might have said
»You see this fine young fellow not such as you see every day is he he
belongs to me in a sort of way I brought him up from a child but you would not
ticket him off easily he has notions of his own and hes as far as the poles
asunder from what I was at his age« This state of feeling was kept up by the
mental balance in Deronda who was moved by an affectionateness such as we are
apt to call feminine disposing him to yield in ordinary details while he had a
certain inflexibility of judgment and independence of opinion held to be
rightfully masculine
When he had read the letter he returned it without speaking inwardly
wincing under Lushs mode of attributing a neutral usefulness to him in the
family affairs
»What do you say Dan It would be pleasant enough for you You have not
seen the place for a good many years now and you might have a famous run with
the harriers if you went down next week« said Sir Hugo
»I should not go on that account« said Deronda buttering his bread
attentively He had an objection to this transparent kind of persuasiveness
which all intelligent animals are seen to treat with indifference If he went to
Diplow he should be doing something disagreeable to oblige Sir Hugo
»I think Lushs notion is a good one And it would be a pity to lose the
occasion«
»That is a different matter if you think my going of importance to your
object« said Deronda still with that aloofness of manner which implied some
suppression He knew that the baronet had set his heart on the affair
»Why you will see the fair gambler the Leubronn Diana I shouldnt
wonder« said Sir Hugo gaily »We shall have to invite her to the Abbey when
they are married Louisa« he added turning to Lady Mallinger as if she too
had read the letter
»I cannot conceive whom you mean« said Lady Mallinger who in fact had not
been listening her mind having been taken up with her first sips of coffee the
objectionable cuff of her sleeve and the necessity of carrying Theresa to the
dentist innocent and partly laudable preoccupations as the gentle ladys
usually were Should her appearance be inquired after let it be said that she
had reddish blond hair the hair of the period a small Roman nose rather
prominent blue eyes and delicate eyelids with a figure which her thinner
friends called fat her hands showing curves and dimples like a magnified
babys
»I mean that Grandcourt is going to marry the girl you saw at Leubronn
dont you remember her the Miss Harleth who used to play at roulette«
»Dear me Is that a good match for him«
»That depends on the sort of goodness he wants« said Sir Hugo smiling
»However she and her friends have nothing and she will bring him expenses
Its a good match for my purposes because if I am willing to fork out a sum of
money he may be willing to give up his chance of Diplow so that we shall have
it out and out and when I die you will have the consolation of going to the
place you would like to go to wherever I may go«
»I wish you would not talk of dying in that light way dear«
»Its rather a heavy way Lou for I shall have to pay a heavy sum forty
thousand at least«
»But why are we to invite them to the Abbey« said Lady Mallinger »I do not
like women who gamble like Lady Cragstone«
»Oh you will not mind her for a week Besides she is not like Lady
Cragstone because she gambled a little any more than I am like a broker because
Im a Whig I want to keep Grandcourt in good humour and to let him see plenty
of this place that he may think the less of Diplow I dont know yet whether I
shall get him to meet me in this matter And if Dan were to go over on a visit
there he might hold out the bait to him It would be doing me a great service«
This was meant for Deronda
»Daniel is not fond of Mr Grandcourt I think is he« said Lady Mallinger
looking at Deronda inquiringly
»There is no avoiding everybody one doesnt happen to be fond of« said
Deronda »I will go to Diplow I dont know that I have anything better to do
since Sir Hugo wishes it«
»Thats a trump« said Sir Hugo well pleased »And if you dont find it
very pleasant its so much experience Nothing used to come amiss to me when I
was young You must see men and manners«
»Yes but I have seen that man and something of his manners too« said
Deronda
»Not nice manners I think« said Lady Mallinger
»Well you see they succeed with your sex« said Sir Hugo provokingly »And
he was an uncommonly goodlooking fellow when he was two or three and twenty
like his father He doesnt take after his father in marrying the heiress
though If he had got Miss Arrowpoint and my land too confound him he would
have had a fine principality«
Deronda in anticipating the projected visit felt less disinclination than
when consenting to it The story of that girls marriage did interest him what
he had heard through Lush of her having run away from the suit of the man she
was now going to take as a husband had thrown a new sort of light on her
gambling and it was probably the transition from that fevered worldliness into
poverty which had urged her acceptance where she must in some way have felt
repulsion All this implied a nature liable to difficulty and struggle
elements of life which had a predominant attraction for his sympathy due
perhaps to his early pain in dwelling on the conjectured story of his own
existence Persons attracted him as Hans Meyrick had done in proportion to the
possibility of his defending them rescuing them telling upon their lives with
some sort of redeeming influence and he had to resist an inclination easily
accounted for to withdraw coldly from the fortunate But in the movement which
had led him to repurchase Gwendolens necklace for her and which was at work in
him still there was something beyond his habitual compassionate fervour
something due to the fascination of her womanhood He was very open to that sort
of charm and mingled it with the consciously Utopian pictures of his own
future yet any one able to trace the folds of his character might have
conceived that he would be more likely than many less passionate men to love a
woman without telling her of it Sprinkle food before a delicateeared bird
there is nothing he would more willingly take yet he keeps aloof because of
his sensibility to checks which to you are imperceptible And one man differs
from another as we all differ from the Bosjesman in a sensibility to checks
that come from variety of needs spiritual or other It seemed to foreshadow
that capability of reticence in Deronda that his imagination was much occupied
with two women to neither of whom would he have held it possible that he should
ever make love Hans Meyrick had laughed at him for having something of the
knighterrant in his disposition and he would have found his proof if he had
known what was just now going on in Derondas mind about Mirah and Gwendolen
Deronda wrote without delay to announce the visit to Diplow and received in
reply a polite assurance that his coming would give great pleasure That was not
altogether untrue Grandcourt thought it probable that the visit was prompted by
Sir Hugos desire to court him for a purpose which he did not make up his mind
to resist and it was not a disagreeable idea to him that this fine fellow whom
he believed to be his cousin under the rose would witness perhaps with some
jealousy Henleigh Mallinger Grandcourt play the commanding part of betrothed
lover to a splendid girl whom the cousin had already looked at with admiration
Grandcourt himself was not jealous of anything unless it threatened his
mastery which he did not think himself likely to lose
Chapter XXIX
»Surely whoever speaks to me in the right voice
him or her I shall follow
As the water follows the moon silently
with fluid steps anywhere around the globe«
Walt Whitman
»Now my cousins are at Diplow« said Grandcourt »will you go there
tomorrow The carriage shall come for Mrs Davilow You can tell me what you
would like done in the rooms Things must be put in decent order while we are
away at Ryelands And tomorrow is the only day«
He was sitting sideways on a sofa in the drawingroom at Offendene one hand
and elbow resting on the back and the other hand thrust between his crossed
knees in the attitude of a man who is much interested in watching the person
next to him Gwendolen who had always disliked needlework had taken to it with
apparent zeal since her engagement and now held a piece of white embroidery
which on examination would have shown many false stitches During the last eight
or nine days their hours had been chiefly spent on horseback but some margin
had always been left for this more difficult sort of companionship which
however Gwendolen had not found disagreeable She was very well satisfied with
Grandcourt His answers to her lively questions about what he had seen and done
in his life bore drawling very well From the first she had noticed that he
knew what to say and she was constantly feeling not only that he had nothing of
the fool in his composition but that by some subtle means he communicated to
her the impression that all the folly lay with other people who did what he did
not care to do A man who seems to have been able to command the best has a
sovereign power of depreciation Then Grandcourts behaviour as a lover had
hardly at all passed the limit of an amorous homage which was inobtrusive as a
wafted odour of roses and spent all its effect in a gratified vanity One day
indeed he had kissed not her cheek but her neck a little below her ear and
Gwendolen taken by surprise had started up with a marked agitation which made
him rise too and say »I beg your pardon did I annoy you« »Oh it was
nothing« said Gwendolen rather afraid of herself »only I cannot bear to be
kissed under my ear« She sat down again with a little playful laugh but all
the while she felt her heart beating with a vague fear she was no longer at
liberty to flout him as she had flouted poor Rex Her agitation seemed not
uncomplimentary and he had been contented not to transgress again
Today a slight rain hindered riding but to compensate a package had come
from London and Mrs Davilow had just left the room after bringing in for
admiration the beautiful things of Grandcourts ordering which lay scattered
about on the tables Gwendolen was just then enjoying the scenery of her life
She let her hands fall on her lap and said with a pretty air of perversity
»Why is tomorrow the only day«
»Because the next day is the first with the hounds« said Grandcourt
»And after that«
»After that I must go away for a couple of days its a bore but I shall
go one day and come back the next« Grandcourt noticed a change in her face and
releasing his hand from under his knees he laid it on hers and said »You
object to my going away«
»It is no use objecting« said Gwendolen coldly She was resisting to the
utmost her temptation to tell him that she suspected to whom he was going and
the temptation to make a clean breast speaking without restraint
»Yes it is« said Grandcourt enfolding her hand »I will put off going And
I will travel at night so as only to be away one day« He thought that he knew
the reason of what he inwardly called this bit of temper and she was
particularly fascinating to him at this moment
»Then dont put off going but travel at night« said Gwendolen feeling
that she could command him and finding in this peremptoriness a small outlet
for her irritation
»Then you will go to Diplow tomorrow«
»Oh yes if you wish it« said Gwendolen in a high tone of careless assent
Her concentration in other feelings had really hindered her from taking notice
that her hand was being held
»How you treat us poor devils of men« said Grandcourt lowering his tone
»We are always getting the worst of it«
»Are you« said Gwendolen in a tone of inquiry looking at him more naïvely
than usual She longed to believe this commonplace badinage as the serious truth
about her lover in that case she too was justified If she knew everything
Mrs Glasher would appear more blamable than Grandcourt »Are you always getting
the worst«
»Yes Are you as kind to me as I am to you« said Grandcourt looking into
her eyes with his narrow gaze
Gwendolen felt herself stricken She was conscious of having received so
much that her sense of command was checked and sank away in the perception
that look around her as she might she could not turn back it was as if she
had consented to mount a chariot where another held the reins and it was not in
her nature to leap out in the eyes of the world She had not consented in
ignorance and all she could say now would be a confession that she had not been
ignorant Her right to explanation was gone All she had to do now was to adjust
herself so that the spikes of that unwilling penance which conscience imposed
should not gall her With a sort of mental shiver she resolutely changed her
mental attitude There had been a little pause during which she had not turned
away her eyes and with a sudden break into a smile she said
»If I were as kind to you as you are to me that would spoil your
generosity it would no longer be as great as it could be and it is that now«
»Then I am not to ask for one kiss« said Grandcourt contented to pay a
large price for this new kind of lovemaking which introduced marriage by the
finest contrast
»Not one« said Gwendolen getting saucy and nodding at him defiantly
He lifted her little left hand to his lips and then released it
respectfully Clearly it was faint praise to say of him that he was not
disgusting he was almost charming and she felt at this moment that it was not
likely she could ever have loved another man better than this one His reticence
gave her some inexplicable delightful consciousness
»Apropos« she said taking up her work again »is there any one besides
Captain and Mrs Torrington at Diplow or do you leave them têteàtête I
suppose he converses in cigars and she answers with her chignon«
»She has a sister with her« said Grandcourt with his shadow of a smile
»and there are two men besides one of them you know I believe«
»Ah then I have a poor opinion of him« said Gwendolen shaking her head
»You saw him at Leubronn young Deronda a young fellow with the
Mallingers«
Gwendolen felt as if her heart were making a sudden gambol and her fingers
which tried to keep a firm hold on her work got cold
»I never spoke to him« she said dreading any discernible change in
herself »Is he not disagreeable«
»No not particularly« said Grandcourt in his most languid way »He thinks
a little too much of himself I thought he had been introduced to you«
»No Some one told me his name the evening before I came away that was all
What is he«
»A sort of ward of Sir Hugo Mallingers Nothing of any consequence«
»Oh poor creature How very unpleasant for him« said Gwendolen speaking
from the lip and not meaning any sarcasm »I wonder if it has left off
raining« she added rising and going to look out of the window
Happily it did not rain the next day and Gwendolen rode to Diplow on
Criterion as she had done on that former day when she returned with her mother
in the carriage She always felt the more daring for being in her ridingdress
besides having the agreeable belief that she looked as well as possible in it
a sustaining consciousness in any meeting which seems formidable Her anger
towards Deronda had changed into a superstitious dread due perhaps to the
coercion he had exercised over her thought lest that first interference of his
in her life might foreshadow some future influence It is of such stuff that
superstitions are commonly made an intense feeling about ourselves which makes
the evening star shine at us with a threat and the blessing of a beggar
encourage us And superstitions carry consequences which often verify their hope
or their foreboding
The time before luncheon was taken up for Gwendolen by going over the rooms
with Mrs Torrington and Mrs Davilow and she thought it likely that if she saw
Deronda there would hardly be need for more than a bow between them She meant
to notice him as little as possible
And after all she found herself under an inward compulsion too strong for
her pride From the first moment of their being in the room together she seemed
to herself to be doing nothing but notice him everything else was automatic
performance of an habitual part
When he took his place at lunch Grandcourt had said »Deronda Miss Harleth
tells me you were not introduced to her at Leubronn«
»Miss Harleth hardly remembers me I imagine« said Deronda looking at her
quite simply as they bowed »She was intensely occupied when I saw her«
Now did he suppose that she had not suspected him of being the person who
redeemed her necklace
»On the contrary I remember you very well« said Gwendolen feeling rather
nervous but governing herself and looking at him in return with new
examination »You did not approve of my playing at roulette«
»How did you come to that conclusion« said Deronda gravely
»Oh you cast an evil eye on my play« said Gwendolen with a turn of her
head and a smile »I began to lose as soon as you came to look on I had always
been winning till then«
»Roulette in such a kennel as Leubronn is a horrid bore« said Grandcourt
»I found it a bore when I began to lose« said Gwendolen Her face was
turned towards Grandcourt as she smiled and spoke but she gave a sidelong
glance at Deronda and saw his eyes fixed on her with a look so gravely
penetrating that it had a keener edge for her than his ironical smile at her
losses a keener edge than Klesmers judgment She wheeled her neck round as if
she wanted to listen to what was being said by the rest while she was only
thinking of Deronda His face had that disturbing kind of form and expression
which threatens to affect opinion as if ones standard were somehow wrong
Who has not seen men with faces of this corrective power till they frustrated
it by speech or action His voice heard now for the first time was to
Grandcourts toneless drawl which had been in her ears every day as the deep
notes of a violoncello to the broken discourse of poultry and other lazy gentry
in the afternoon sunshine Grandcourt she inwardly conjectured was perhaps
right in saying that Deronda thought too much of himself a favourite way of
explaining a superiority that humiliates However the talk turned on the
rinderpest and Jamaica and no more was said about roulette Grandcourt held
that the Jamaican negro was a beastly sort of baptist Caliban Deronda said he
had always felt a little with Caliban who naturally had his own point of view
and could sing a good song Mrs Davilow observed that her father had an estate
in Barbadoes but that she herself had never been in the West Indies Mrs
Torrington was sure she should never sleep in her bed if she lived among blacks
her husband corrected her by saying that the blacks would be manageable enough
if it were not for the halfbreeds and Deronda remarked that the whites had to
thank themselves for the halfbreeds
While this polite peashooting was going on Gwendolen trifled with her
jelly and looked at every speaker in turn that she might feel at ease in
looking at Deronda
»I wonder what he thinks of me really He must have felt interested in me
else he would not have sent me my necklace I wonder what he thinks of my
marriage What notions has he to make him so grave about things Why is he come
to Diplow«
These questions ran in her mind as the voice of an uneasy longing to be
judged by Deronda with unmixed admiration a longing which had had its seed in
her first resentment at his critical glance Why did she care so much about the
opinion of this man who was »nothing of any consequence« She had no time to
find the reason she was too much engaged in caring In the drawingroom when
something had called Grandcourt away she went quite unpremeditatedly up to
Deronda who was standing at a table apart turning over some prints and said
to him
»Shall you hunt tomorrow Mr Deronda«
»Yes I believe so«
»You dont object to hunting then«
»I find excuses for it It is a sin I am inclined to when I cant get
boating or cricketing«
»Do you object to my hunting« said Gwendolen with a saucy movement of the
chin
»I have no right to object to anything you choose to do«
»You thought you had a right to object to my gambling« persisted Gwendolen
»I was sorry for it I am not aware that I told you of my objection« said
Deronda with his usual directness of gaze a largeeyed gravity innocent of
any intention His eyes had a peculiarity which has drawn many men into trouble
they were of a dark yet mild intensity which seemed to express a special
interest in every one on whom he fixed them and might easily help to bring on
him those claims which ardently sympathetic people are often creating in the
minds of those who need help In mendicant fashion we make the goodness of
others a reason for exorbitant demands on them That sort of effect was
penetrating Gwendolen
»You hindered me from gambling again« she answered But she had no sooner
spoken than she blushed over face and neck and Deronda blushed too conscious
that in the little affair of the necklace he had taken a questionable freedom
It was impossible to speak further and she turned away to a window feeling
that she had stupidly said what she had not meant to say and yet being rather
happy that she had plunged into this mutual understanding Deronda also did not
dislike it Gwendolen seemed more decidedly attractive than before and
certainly there had been changes going on within her since that time at
Leubronn the struggle of mind attending a conscious error had wakened something
like a new soul which had better but also worse possibilities than her former
poise of crude selfconfidence among the forces she had come to dread was
something within her that troubled satisfaction
That evening Mrs Davilow said »Was it really so or only a joke of yours
about Mr Derondas spoiling your play Gwen«
Her curiosity had been excited and she could venture to ask a question that
did not concern Mr Grandcourt
»Oh it merely happened that he was looking on when I began to lose« said
Gwendolen carelessly »I noticed him«
»I dont wonder at that he is a striking young man He puts me in mind of
Italian paintings One would guess without being told that there was foreign
blood in his veins«
»Is there« said Gwendolen
»Mrs Torrington says so I asked particularly who he was and she told me
that his mother was some foreigner of high rank«
»His mother« said Gwendolen rather sharply »Then who was his father«
»Well every one says he is the son of Sir Hugo Mallinger who brought him
up though he passes for a ward She says if Sir Hugo Mallinger could have done
as he liked with his estates he would have left them to this Mr Deronda since
he has no legitimate son«
Gwendolen was silent but her mother observed so marked an effect in her
face that she was angry with herself for having repeated Mrs Torringtons
gossip It seemed on reflection unsuited to the ear of her daughter for whom
Mrs Davilow disliked what is called knowledge of the world and indeed she
wished that she herself had not had any of it thrust upon her
An image which had immediately arisen in Gwendolens mind was that of the
unknown mother no doubt a darkeyed woman probably sad Hardly any face
could be less like Derondas than that represented as Sir Hugos in a crayon
portrait at Diplow A darkeyed beautiful woman no longer young had become
»stuff o the conscience« to Gwendolen
That night when she had got into her little bed and only a dim light was
burning she said
»Mamma have men generally children before they are married«
»No dear no« said Mrs Davilow »Why do you ask such a question« But
she began to think that she saw the why
»If it were so I ought to know« said Gwendolen with some indignation
»You are thinking of what I said about Mr Deronda and Sir Hugo Mallinger
That is a very unusual case dear«
»Does Lady Mallinger know«
»She knows enough to satisfy her That is quite clear because Mr Deronda
has lived with them«
»And people think no worse of him«
»Well of course he is under some disadvantage it is not as if he were Lady
Mallingers son He does not inherit the property and he is not of any
consequence in the world But people are not obliged to know anything about his
birth you see he is very well received«
»I wonder whether he knows about it and whether he is angry with his
father«
»My dear child why should you think of that«
»Why« said Gwendolen impetuously sitting up in her bed »Havent children
reason to be angry with their parents How can they help their parents marrying
or not marrying«
But a consciousness rushed upon her which made her fall back again on her
pillow It was not only what she would have felt months before that she might
seem to be reproaching her mother for that second marriage of hers what she
chiefly felt now was that she had been led on to a condemnation which seemed to
make her own marriage a forbidden thing
There was no further talk and till sleep came over her Gwendolen lay
struggling with the reasons against that marriage reasons which pressed upon
her newly now that they were unexpectedly mirrored in the story of a man whose
slight relations with her had by some hidden affinity bitten themselves into
the most permanent layers of feeling It was characteristic that with all her
debating she was never troubled by the question whether the indefensibleness of
her marriage did not include the fact that she had accepted Grandcourt solely as
the man whom it was convenient for her to marry not in the least as one to whom
she would be binding herself in duty Gwendolens ideas were pitiably crude but
many grand difficulties of life are apt to force themselves on us in our
crudity And to judge wisely I suppose we must know how things appear to the
unwise that kind of appearance making the larger part of the worlds history
In the morning there was a double excitement for her She was going to
hunt from which scruples about propriety had threatened to hinder her until it
was found that Mrs Torrington was horsewoman enough to accompany her going
to hunt for the first time since her escapade with Rex and she was going again
to see Deronda in whom since last night her interest had so gathered that she
expected as people do about revealed celebrities to see something in his
appearance which she had missed before What was he going to be What sort of
life had he before him he being nothing of any consequence And with only a
little difference in events he might have been as important as Grandcourt nay
her imagination inevitably went in that direction might have held the very
estates which Grandcourt was to have But now Deronda would probably some day
see her mistress of the Abbey at Topping see her bearing the title which would
have been his own wifes These obvious futile thoughts of what might have
been made a new epoch for Gwendolen She whose unquestioning habit it had been
to take the best that came to her for less than her own claim had now to see
the position which tempted her in a new light as a hard unfair exclusion of
others What she had now heard about Deronda seemed to her imagination to throw
him into one group with Mrs Glasher and her children before whom she felt
herself in an attitude of apology she who had hitherto been surrounded by a
group that in her opinion had need be apologetic to her Perhaps Deronda himself
was thinking of these things Could he know of Mrs Glasher If he knew that she
knew he would despise her but he could have no such knowledge Would he
without that despise her for marrying Grandcourt His possible judgment of her
actions was telling on her as importunately as Klesmers judgment of her powers
but she found larger room for resistance to a disapproval of her marriage
because it is easier to make our conduct seem justifiable to ourselves than to
make our ability strike others »How can I help it« is not our favourite
apology for incompetence But Gwendolen felt some strength in saying
»How can I help what other people have done Things would not come right if
I were to turn round now and declare that I would not marry Mr Grandcourt« And
such turning round was out of the question The horses in the chariot she had
mounted were going at full speed
This mood of youthful elated desperation had a tidal recurrence She could
dare anything that lay before her sooner than she could choose to go backward
into humiliation and it was even soothing to think that there would now be as
much illdoing in the one as in the other But the immediate delightful fact was
the hunt where she would see Deronda and where he would see her for always
lurking ready to obtrude before other thoughts about him was the impression that
he was very much interested in her But today she was resolved not to repeat
her folly of yesterday as if she were anxious to say anything to him Indeed
the hunt would be too absorbing
And so it was for a long while Deronda was there and within her sight very
often but this only added to the stimulus of a pleasure which Gwendolen had
only once before tasted and which seemed likely always to give a delight
independent of any crosses except such as took away the chance of riding No
accident happened to throw them together the run took them within convenient
reach of home and in the agreeable sombreness of the grey November afternoon
with a long stratum of yellow light in the west Gwendolen was returning with
the company from Diplow who were attending her on the way to Offendene Now
that the sense of glorious excitement was over and gone she was getting
irritably disappointed that she had had no opportunity of speaking to Deronda
whom she would not see again since he was to go away in a couple of days What
was she going to say That was not quite certain She wanted to speak to him
Grandcourt was by her side Mrs Torrington her husband and another gentleman
in advance and Derondas horse she could hear behind The wish to speak to him
and have him speaking to her was becoming imperious and there was no chance of
it unless she simply asserted her will and defied everything Where the order of
things could give way to Miss Gwendolen it must be made to do so They had
lately emerged from a wood of pines and beeches where the twilight stillness
had a repressing effect which increased her impatience The horsehoofs again
heard behind at some little distance were a growing irritation She reined in
her horse and looked behind her Grandcourt after a few paces also paused but
she waving her whip and nodding sideways with playful imperiousness said »Go
on I want to speak to Mr Deronda«
Grandcourt hesitated but that he would have done after any proposition It
was an awkward situation for him No gentleman before marriage could give the
emphasis of refusal to a command delivered in this playful way He rode on
slowly and she waited till Deronda came up He looked at her with tacit
inquiry and she said at once letting her horse go alongside of his
»Mr Deronda you must enlighten my ignorance I want to know why you
thought it wrong for me to gamble Is it because I am a woman«
»Not altogether but I regretted it the more because you were a woman« said
Deronda with an irrepressible smile Apparently it must be understood between
them now that it was he who sent the necklace »I think it would be better for
men not to gamble It is a besotting kind of taste likely to turn into a
disease And besides there is something revolting to me in raking a heap of
money together and internally chuckling over it when others are feeling the
loss of it I should even call it base if it were more than an exceptional
lapse There are enough inevitable turns of fortune which force us to see that
our gain is anothers loss that is one of the ugly aspects of life One would
like to reduce it as much as one could not get amusement out of exaggerating
it« Derondas voice had gathered some indignation while he was speaking
»But you do admit that we cant help things« said Gwendolen with a drop in
her tone The answer had not been anything like what she had expected »I mean
that things are so in spite of us we cant always help it that our gain is
anothers loss«
»Clearly Because of that we should help it where we can«
Gwendolen biting her lip inside paused a moment and then forcing herself
to speak with an air of playfulness again said
»But why should you regret it more because I am a woman«
»Perhaps because we need that you should be better than we are«
»But suppose we need that men should be better than we are« said Gwendolen
with a little air of »check«
»That is rather a difficulty« said Deronda smiling »I suppose I should
have said we each of us think it would be better for the other to be good«
»You see I needed you to be better than I was and you thought so« said
Gwendolen nodding and laughing while she put her horse forward and joined
Grandcourt who made no observation
»Dont you want to know what I had to say to Mr Deronda« said Gwendolen
whose own pride required her to account for her conduct
»A no« said Grandcourt coldly
»Now that is the first impolite word you have spoken that you dont wish
to hear what I had to say« said Gwendolen playing at a pout
»I wish to hear what you say to me not to other men« said Grandcourt
»Then you wish to hear this I wanted to make him tell me why he objected to
my gambling and he gave me a little sermon«
»Yes but excuse me the sermon« If Gwendolen imagined that Grandcourt
cared about her speaking to Deronda he wished her to understand that she was
mistaken But he was not fond of being told to ride on She saw he was piqued
but did not mind She had accomplished her object of speaking again to Deronda
before he raised his hat and turned with the rest towards Diplow while her
lover attended her to Offendene where he was to bid farewell before a whole
days absence on the unspecified journey Grandcourt had spoken truth in calling
the journey a bore he was going by train to Gadsmere
Chapter XXX
No penitence and no confessional
No priest ordains it yet theyre forced to sit
Amid deep ashes of their vanished years
Imagine a rambling patchy house the best part built of grey stone and
redtiled a round tower jutting at one of the corners the mellow darkness of
its conical roof surmounted by a weathercock making an agreeable object either
amidst the gleams and greenth of summer or the lowhanging clouds and snowy
branches of winter the ground shady with spreading trees a great cedar
flourishing on one side backward some Scotch firs on a broken bank where the
roots hung naked and beyond a rookery on the other side a pool overhung with
bushes where the waterfowl fluttered and screamed all around a vast meadow
which might be called a park bordered by an old plantation and guarded by stone
lodges which looked like little prisons Outside the gate the country once
entirely rural and lovely now black with coalmines was chiefly peopled by men
and brethren with candles stuck in their hats and with a diabolic complexion
which laid them peculiarly open to suspicion in the eyes of the children at
Gadsmere Mrs Glashers four beautiful children who had dwelt there for about
three years Now in November when the flowerbeds were empty the trees
leafless and the pool blackly shivering one might have said that the place was
sombrely in keeping with the black roads and black mounds which seemed to put
the district in mourning except when the children were playing on the gravel
with the dogs for their companions But Mrs Glasher under her present
circumstances liked Gadsmere as well as she would have liked any other abode
The complete seclusion of the place which the unattractiveness of the country
secured was exactly to her taste When she drove her two ponies with a waggonet
full of children there were no gentry in carriages to be met only men of
business in gigs at church there were no eyes she cared to avoid for the
curates wife and the curate himself were either ignorant of anything to her
disadvantage or ignored it to them she was simply a widow lady the tenant of
Gadsmere and the name of Grandcourt was of little interest in that district
compared with the names of Fletcher and Gawcome the lessees of the collieries
It was full ten years since the elopement of an Irish officers beautiful
wife with young Grandcourt and a consequent duel where the bullets wounded the
air only had made some little noise Most of those who remembered the affair
now wondered what had become of that Mrs Glasher whose beauty and brilliancy
had made her rather conspicuous to them in foreign places where she was known
to be living with young Grandcourt
That he should have disentangled himself from that connection seemed only
natural and desirable As to her it was thought that a woman who was understood
to have forsaken her child along with her husband had probably sunk lower
Grandcourt had of course got weary of her He was much given to the pursuit of
women but a man in his position would by this time desire to make a suitable
marriage with the fair young daughter of a noble house No one talked of Mrs
Glasher now any more than they talked of the victim in a trial for manslaughter
ten years before she was a lost vessel after whom nobody would send out an
expedition of search but Grandcourt was seen in harbour with his colours
flying registered as seaworthy as ever
Yet in fact Grandcourt had never disentangled himself from Mrs Glasher His
passion for her had been the strongest and most lasting he had ever known and
though it was now as dead as the music of a cracked flute it had left a certain
dull disposedness which on the death of her husband three years before had
prompted in him a vacillating notion of marrying her in accordance with the
understanding often expressed between them during the days of his first ardour
At that early time Grandcourt would willingly have paid for the freedom to be
won by a divorce but the husband would not oblige him not wanting to be
married again himself and not wishing to have his domestic habits printed in
evidence
The altered poise which the years had brought in Mrs Glasher was just the
reverse At first she was comparatively careless about the possibility of
marriage It was enough that she had escaped from a disagreeable husband and
found a sort of bliss with a lover who had completely fascinated her young
handsome amorous and living in the best style with equipage and conversation
of the kind to be expected in young men of fortune who have seen everything She
was an impassioned vivacious woman fond of adoration exasperated by five
years of marital rudeness and the sense of release was so strong upon her that
it stilled anxiety for more than she actually enjoyed An equivocal position was
of no importance to her then she had no envy for the honours of a dull
disregarded wife the one spot which spoiled her vision of her new pleasant
world was the sense that she had left her threeyearold boy who died two
years afterwards and whose first tones saying »mamma« retained a difference
from those of the children that came after But now the years had brought many
changes besides those in the contour of her cheek and throat and that
Grandcourt should marry her had become her dominant desire The equivocal
position which she had not minded about for herself was now telling upon her
through her children whom she loved with a devotion charged with the added
passion of atonement She had no repentance except in this direction If
Grandcourt married her the children would be none the worse off for what had
passed they would see their mother in a dignified position and they would be
at no disadvantage with the world her son could be made his fathers heir It
was the yearning for this result which gave the supreme importance to
Grandcourts feeling for her her love for him had long resolved itself into
anxiety that he should give her the unique permanent claim of a wife and she
expected no other happiness in marriage than the satisfaction of her maternal
love and pride including her pride for herself in the presence of her
children For the sake of that result she was prepared even with a tragic
firmness to endure anything quietly in marriage and she had had acuteness
enough to cherish Grandcourts flickering purpose negatively by not molesting
him with passionate appeals and with scenemaking In her as in every one else
who wanted anything of him his incalculable turns and his tendency to harden
under beseeching had created a reasonable dread a slow discovery of which
no presentiment had been given in the bearing of a youthful lover with a fine
line of face and the softest manners But reticence had necessarily cost
something to this impassioned woman and she was the bitterer for it There is
no quailing even that forced on the helpless and injured which has not an
ugly obverse the withheld sting was gathering venom She was absolutely
dependent on Grandcourt for though he had been always liberal in expenses for
her he had kept everything voluntary on his part and with the goal of marriage
before her she would ask for nothing less He had said that he would never
settle anything except by will and when she was thinking of alternatives for
the future it often occurred to her that even if she did not become
Grandcourts wife he might never have a son who would have a legitimate claim
on him and the end might be that her son would be made heir to the best part of
his estates No son at that early age could promise to have more of his fathers
physique But her becoming Grandcourts wife was so far from being an
extravagant notion of possibility that even Lush had entertained it and had
said that he would as soon bet on it as on any other likelihood with regard to
his familiar companion Lush indeed on inferring that Grandcourt had a
preconception of using his residence at Diplow in order to win Miss Arrowpoint
had thought it well to fan that project taking it as a tacit renunciation of
the marriage with Mrs Glasher which had long been a mark for the hovering and
wheeling of Grandcourts caprice But both prospects had been negatived by
Gwendolens appearance on the scene and it was natural enough for Mrs Glasher
to enter with eagerness into Lushs plan of hindering that new danger by setting
up a barrier in the mind of the girl who was being sought as a bride She
entered into it with an eagerness which had passion in it as well as purpose
some of the storedup venom delivering itself in that way
After that she had heard from Lush of Gwendolens departure and the
probability that all danger from her was got rid of but there had been no
letter to tell her that the danger had returned and had become a certainty She
had since then written to Grandcourt as she did habitually and he had been
longer than usual in answering She was inferring that he might intend coming to
Gadsmere at the time when he was actually on the way and she was not without
hope what construction of anothers mind is not strong wishing equal to
that a certain sickening from that frustrated courtship might dispose him to
slip the more easily into the old track of intention
Grandcourt had two grave purposes in coming to Gadsmere to convey the news
of his approaching marriage in person in order to make this first difficulty
final and to get from Lydia his mothers diamonds which long ago he had
confided to her and wished her to wear Her person suited diamonds and made them
look as if they were worth some of the money given for them These particular
diamonds were not mountains of light they were mere peas and haricots for the
ears neck and hair but they were worth some thousands and Grandcourt
necessarily wished to have them for his wife Formerly when he had asked Lydia
to put them into his keeping again simply on the ground that they would be
safer and ought to be deposited at the bank she had quietly but absolutely
refused declaring that they were quite safe and at last had said »If you ever
marry another woman I will give them up to her are you going to marry another
woman« At that time Grandcourt had no motive which urged him to persist and he
had this grace in him that the disposition to exercise power either by cowing
or disappointing others or exciting in them a rage which they dared not express
a disposition which was active in him as other propensities became languid
had always been in abeyance before Lydia A severe interpreter might say that
the mere facts of their relation to each other the melancholy position of this
woman who depended on his will made a standing banquet for his delight in
dominating But there was something else than this in his forbearance towards
her there was the surviving though metamorphosed effect of the power she had
had over him and it was this effect the fitful dull lapse towards
solicitations that once had the zest now missing from life which had again and
again inclined him to espouse a familiar past rather than rouse himself to the
expectation of novelty But now novelty had taken hold of him and urged him to
make the most of it
Mrs Glasher was seated in the pleasant room where she habitually passed her
mornings with her children round her It had a square projecting window and
looked on broad gravel and grass sloping towards a little brook that entered
the pool The top of a low black cabinet the old oak table the chairs in tawny
leather were littered with the childrens toys books and garden garments at
which a maternal lady in pastel looked down from the walls with smiling
indulgence The children were all there The three girls seated round their
mother near the window were miniature portraits of her darkeyed
delicatefeatured brunettes with a rich bloom on their cheeks their little
nostrils and eyebrows singularly finished as if they were tiny women the eldest
being barely nine The boy was seated on the carpet at some distance bending
his blond head over the animals from a Noahs ark admonishing them separately
in a voice of threatening command and occasionally licking the spotted ones to
see if the colours would hold Josephine the eldest was having her French
lesson and the others with their dolls on their laps sat demurely enough for
images of the Madonna Mrs Glashers toilet had been made very carefully each
day now she said to herself that Grandcourt might come in Her head which
spite of emaciation had an ineffaceable beauty in the fine profile crisp
curves of hair and clearlymarked eyebrows rose impressively above her
bronzecoloured silk and velvet and the gold necklace which Grandcourt had
first clasped round her neck years ago Not that she had any pleasure in her
toilet her chief thought of herself seen in the glass was »How changed« but
such good in life as remained to her she would keep If her chief wish were
fulfilled she could imagine herself getting the comeliness of a matron fit for
the highest rank The little faces beside her almost exact reductions of her
own seemed to tell of the blooming curves which had once been where now was
sunken pallor But the children kissed the pale cheeks and never found them
deficient That love was now the one end of her life
Suddenly Mrs Glasher turned away her head from Josephines book and
listened »Hush dear I think some one is coming«
Henleigh the boy jumped up and said » Mamma is it the miller with my
donkey«
He got no answer and going up to his mammas knee repeated his question in
an insistent tone But the door opened and the servant announced Mr
Grandcourt Mrs Glasher rose in some agitation Henleigh frowned at him in
disgust at his not being the miller and the three little girls lifted up their
dark eyes to him timidly They had none of them any particular liking for this
friend of mammas in fact when he had taken Mrs Glashers hand and then
turned to put his other hand on Henleighs head that energetic scion began to
beat the friends arm away with his fists The little girls submitted bashfully
to be patted under the chin and kissed but on the whole it seemed better to
send them into the garden where they were presently dancing and chatting with
the dogs on the gravel
»How far are you come« said Mrs Glasher as Grandcourt put away his hat
and overcoat
»From Diplow« he answered slowly seating himself opposite her and looking
at her with an unnoting gaze which she noted
»You are tired then«
»No I rested at the Junction a hideous hole These railway journeys are
always a confounded bore But I had coffee and smoked«
Grandcourt drew out his handkerchief rubbed his face and in returning the
handkerchief to his pocket looked at his crossed knee and blameless boot as if
any stranger were opposite to him instead of a woman quivering with a suspense
which every word and look of his was to incline towards hope or dread But he
was really occupied with their interview and what it was likely to include
Imagine the difference in rate of emotion between this woman whom the years had
worn to a more conscious dependence and sharper eagerness and this man whom
they were dulling into a more and more neutral obstinacy
»I expected to see you it was so long since I had heard from you I
suppose the weeks seem longer at Gadsmere than they do at Diplow« said Mrs
Glasher She had a quick incisive way of speaking that seemed to go with her
features as the tone and timbre of a violin go with its form
»Yes« drawled Grandcourt »But you found the money paid into the bank«
»Oh yes« said Mrs Glasher curtly tingling with impatience Always before
at least she fancied so Grandcourt had taken more notice of her and the
children than he did today
»Yes« he resumed playing with his whisker and at first not looking at
her »the time has gone on at rather a rattling pace with me generally it is
slow enough But there has been a good deal happening as you know« here he
turned his eyes upon her
»What do I know« said she sharply
He left a pause before he said without change of manner »That I was
thinking of marrying You saw Miss Harleth«
»She told you that«
The pale cheeks looked even paler perhaps from the fierce brightness in the
eyes above them
»No Lush told me« was the slow answer It was as if the thumbscrew and
the ironboot were being placed by creeping hands within sight of the expectant
victim
»Good God say at once that you are going to marry her« she burst out
passionately her knee shaking and her hands tightly clasped
»Of course this kind of thing must happen some time or other Lydia« said
he really now the thumbscrew was on not wishing to make the pain worse
»You didnt always see the necessity«
»Perhaps not I see it now«
In those few undertoned words of Grandcourts she felt as absolute a
resistance as if her thin fingers had been pushing at a fastshut iron door She
knew her helplessness and shrank from testing it by any appealshrank from
crying in a dead ear and clinging to dead knees only to see the immovable face
and feel the rigid limbs She did not weep nor speak she was too hard pressed
by the sudden certainty which had as much of chill sickness in it as of thought
and emotion The defeated clutch of struggling hope gave her in these first
moments a horrible sensation At last she rose with a spasmodic effort and
unconscious of everything but her wretchedness pressed her forehead against the
hard cold glass of the window The children playing on the gravel took this as
a sign that she wanted them and running forward stood in front of her with
their sweet faces upturned expectantly This roused her she shook her head at
them waved them off and overcome with this painful exertion sank back in the
nearest chair
Grandcourt had risen too He was doubly annoyed at the scene itself and
at the sense that no imperiousness of his could save him from it but the task
had to be gone through and there was the administrative necessity of arranging
things so that there should be as little annoyance as possible in future He was
leaning against the corner of the fireplace She looked up at him and said
bitterly
»All this is of no consequence to you I and the children are importunate
creatures You wish to get away again and be with Miss Harleth«
»Dont make the affair more disagreeable than it need be Lydia It is of no
use to harp on things that cant be altered Of course its deucedly
disagreeable to me to see you making yourself miserable Ive taken this journey
to tell you what you must make up your mind to you and the children will be
provided for as usual and theres an end of it«
Silence She dared not answer This woman with the intense eager look had
had the iron of the mothers anguish in her soul and it had made her sometimes
capable of a repression harder than shrieking and struggle But underneath the
silence there was an outlash of hatred and vindictiveness she wished that the
marriage might make two others wretched besides herself Presently he went on
»It will be better for you You may go on living here But I think of
byandby settling a good sum on you and the children and you can live where
you like There will be nothing for you to complain of then Whatever happens
you will feel secure Nothing could be done beforehand Everything has gone on
in a hurry«
Grandcourt ceased his slow delivery of sentences He did not expect her to
thank him but he considered that she might reasonably be contented if it were
possible for Lydia to be contented She showed no change and after a minute he
said
»You have never had any reason to fear that I should be illiberal I dont
care a curse about the money«
»If you did care about it I suppose you would not give it us« said Lydia
The sarcasm was irrepressible
»Thats a devilishly unfair thing to say« Grandcourt replied in a lower
tone »and I advise you not to say that sort of thing again«
»Should you punish me by leaving the children in beggary« In spite of
herself the one outlet of venom had brought the other
»There is no question about leaving the children in beggary« said
Grandcourt still in his low voice »I advise you not to say things that you
will repent of«
»I am used to repenting« said she bitterly »Perhaps you will repent You
have already repented of loving me«
»All this will only make it uncommonly difficult for us to meet again What
friend have you besides me«
»Quite true«
The words came like a low moan At the same moment there flashed through her
the wish that after promising himself a better happiness than that he had had
with her he might feel a misery and loneliness which would drive him back to
her to find some memory of a time when he was young glad and hopeful But no
he would go scathless it was she who had to suffer
With this the scorching words were ended Grandcourt had meant to stay till
evening he wished to curtail his visit but there was no suitable train earlier
than the one he had arranged to go by and he had still to speak to Lydia on the
second object of his visit which like a second surgical operation seemed to
require an interval The hours had to go by there was eating to be done the
children came in again all this mechanism of life had to be gone through with
the dreary sense of constraint which is often felt in domestic quarrels of a
commoner kind To Lydia it was some slight relief for her stifled fury to have
the children present she felt a savage glory in their loveliness as if it
would taunt Grandcourt with his indifference to her and them a secret darting
of venom which was strongly imaginative He acquitted himself with all the
advantage of a man whose grace of bearing has long been moulded on an experience
of boredom nursed the little Antonia who sat with her hands crossed and eyes
upturned to his bald head which struck her as worthy of observation and
propitated Henleigh by promising him a beautiful saddle and bridle It was only
the two eldest girls who had known him as a continual presence and the
intervening years had overlaid their infantine memories with a bashfulness which
Grandcourts bearing was not likely to dissipate He and Lydia occasionally in
the presence of the servants made a conventional remark otherwise they never
spoke and the stagnant thought in Grandcourts mind all the while was of his
own infatuation in having given her those diamonds which obliged him to incur
the nuisance of speaking about them He had an ingrained care for what he held
to belong to his caste and about property he liked to be lordly also he had a
consciousness of indignity to himself in having to ask for anything in the
world But however he might assert his independence of Mrs Glashers past he
had made a past for himself which was a stronger yoke than any he could impose
He must ask for the diamonds which he had promised to Gwendolen
At last they were alone again with the candles above them face to face
with each other Grandcourt looked at his watch and then said in an apparently
indifferent drawl »There is one thing I had to mention Lydia My diamonds
you have them«
»Yes I have them« she answered promptly rising and standing with her arms
thrust down and her fingers threaded while Grandcourt sat still She had
expected the topic and made her resolve about it But she meant to carry out
her resolve if possible without exasperating him During the hours of silence
she had longed to recall the words which had only widened the breach between
them
»They are in this house I suppose«
»No not in this house«
»I thought you said you kept them by you«
»When I said so it was true They are in the bank at Dudley«
»Get them away will you I must make an arrangement for your delivering
them to some one«
»Make no arrangement They shall be delivered to the person you intended
them for I will make the arrangement«
»What do you mean«
»What I say I have always told you that I would give them up to your wife
I shall keep my word She is not your wife yet«
»This is foolery« said Grandcourt with undertoned disgust It was too
irritating that his indulgence of Lydia had given her a sort of mastery over him
in spite of her dependent condition
She did not speak He also rose now but stood leaning against the
mantelpiece with his sideface towards her
»The diamonds must be delivered to me before my marriage« he began again
»What is your weddingday«
»The tenth There is no time to be lost«
»And where do you go after the marriage«
He did not reply except by looking more sullen Presently he said »You must
appoint a day before then to get them from the bank and meet me or somebody
else I will commission its a great nuisance Mention a day«
»No I shall not do that They shall be delivered to her safely I shall
keep my word«
»Do you mean to say« said Grandcourt just audibly turning to face her
»that you will not do as I tell you«
»Yes I mean that« was the answer that leaped out while her eyes flashed
close to him The poor creature was immediately conscious that if her words had
any effect on her own lot the effect must be mischievous and might nullify all
the remaining advantage of her long patience But the word had been spoken
He was in a position the most irritating to him He could not shake her nor
touch her hostilely and if he could the process would not bring the diamonds
He shrank from the only sort of threat that would frighten her if she believed
it And in general there was nothing he hated more than to be forced into
anything like violence even in words his will must impose itself without
trouble After looking at her for a moment he turned his sideface towards her
again leaning as before and said
»Infernal idiots that women are«
»Why will you not tell me where you are going after the marriage I could be
at the wedding if I liked and learn in that way« said Lydia not shrinking
from the one suicidal form of threat within her power
»Of course if you like you can play the mad woman« said Grandcourt with
sotto voce scorn »It is not to be supposed that you will wait to think what
good will come of it or what you owe to me«
He was in a state of disgust and embitterment quite new in the history of
their relation to each other It was undeniable that this woman whose life he
had allowed to send such deep suckers into his had a terrible power of annoyance
in her and the rash hurry of his proceedings had left her opportunities open
His pride saw very ugly possibilities threatening it and he stood for several
minutes in silence reviewing the situation considering how he could act upon
her Unlike himself she was of a direct nature with certain simple
stronglycoloured tendencies and there was one oftenexperienced effect which
he thought he could count upon now As Sir Hugo had said of him Grandcourt knew
how to play his cards upon occasion
He did not speak again but looked at his watch rang the bell and ordered
the vehicle to be brought round immediately Then he removed farther from her
walked as if in expectation of a summons and remained silent without turning
his eyes upon her
She was suffering the horrible conflict of selfreproach and tenacity She
saw beforehand Grandcourt leaving her without even looking at her again
herself left behind in lonely uncertainty hearing nothing from him not
knowing whether she had done her children harm feeling that she had perhaps
made him hate her all the wretchedness of a creature who had defeated her own
motives And yet she could not bear to give up a purpose which was a sweet
morsel to her vindictiveness If she had not been a mother she would willingly
have sacrificed herself to her revenge to what she felt to be the justice of
hindering another from getting happiness by willingly giving her over to misery
The two dominant passions were at struggle She must satisfy them both
»Dont let us part in anger Henleigh« she began without changing her
place or attitude »it is a very little thing I ask If I were refusing to give
anything up that you call yours it would be different that would be a reason
for treating me as if you hated me But I ask such a little thing If you will
tell me where you are going on the weddingday I will take care that the
diamonds shall be delivered to her without scandal Without scandal« she
repeated entreatingly
»Such preposterous whims make a woman odious« said Grandcourt not giving
way in look or movement »What is the use of talking to mad people«
»Yes I am foolish loneliness has made me foolish indulge me« Sobs rose
as she spoke »If you will indulge me in this one folly I will be very meek I
will never trouble you« She burst into hysterical crying and said again almost
with a scream »I will be very meek after that«
There was a strange mixture of acting and reality in this passion She kept
hold of her purpose as a child might tighten its hand over a small stolen thing
crying and denying all the while Even Grandcourt was wrought upon by surprise
this capricious wish this childish violence was as unlike Lydias bearing as
it was incongruous with her person Both had always had a stamp of dignity on
them Yet she seemed more manageable in this state than in her former attitude
of defiance He came close up to her again and said in his low imperious tone
»Be quiet and hear what I tell you I will never forgive you if you present
yourself again and make a scene«
She pressed her handkerchief against her face and when she could speak
firmly said in the muffled voice that follows sobbing »I will not if you
will let me have my way I promise you not to thrust myself forward again I
have never broken my word to you how many have you broken to me When you gave
me the diamonds to wear you were not thinking of having another wife And I now
give them up I dont reproach you I only ask you to let me give them up in
my own way Have I not borne it well Everything is to be taken away from me
and when I ask for a straw a chip you deny it me« She had spoken rapidly
but after a little pause she said more slowly her voice freed from its muffled
tone »I will not bear to have it denied me«
Grandcourt had a baffling sense that he had to deal with something like
madness he could only govern by giving way The servant came to say the fly was
ready When the door was shut again Grandcourt said sullenly »We are going to
Ryelands then«
»They shall be delivered to her there« said Lydia with decision
»Very well I am going« He felt no inclination even to take her hand she
had annoyed him too sorely But now that she had gained her point she was
prepared to humble herself that she might propitiate him
»Forgive me I will never vex you again« she said with beseeching looks
Her inward voice said distinctly »It is only I who have to forgive« Yet she
was obliged to ask forgiveness
»You had better keep that promise You have made me feel uncommonly ill with
your folly« said Grandcourt apparently choosing this statement as the
strongest possible use of language
»Poor thing« said Lydia with a faint smile was he aware of the minor
fact that he had made her feel ill this morning
But with the quick transition natural to her she was now ready to coax him
if he would let her that they might part in some degree reconciled She
ventured to lay her hand on his shoulder and he did not move away from her she
had so far succeeded in alarming him that he was not sorry for these proofs of
returned subjection
»Light a cigar« she said soothingly taking the case from his
breastpocket and opening it
Amidst such caressing signs of mutual fear they parted The effect that
clung and gnawed within Grandcourt was a sense of imperfect mastery
Chapter XXXI
»A wild dedication of yourselves
To unpathd waters undreamd shores«
Shakespeare
On the day when Gwendolen Harleth was married and became Mrs Grandcourt the
morning was clear and bright and while the sun was low a slight frost crisped
the leaves The bridal party was worth seeing and half Pennicote turned out to
see it lining the pathway up to the church An old friend of the Rectors
performed the marriage ceremony the Rector himself acting as father to the
great advantage of the procession Only two faces it was remarked showed signs
of sadness Mrs Davilows and Annas The mothers delicate eyelids were pink
as if she had been crying half the night and no one was surprised that
splendid as the match was she should feel the parting from a daughter who was
the flower of her children and of her own life It was less understood why Anna
should be troubled when she was being so well set off by the bridesmaids dress
Every one else seemed to reflect the brilliancy of the occasion the bride most
of all Of her it was agreed that as to figure and carriage she was worthy to be
a »lady o title« as to face perhaps it might be thought that a title required
something more rosy but the bridegroom himself not being freshcoloured being
indeed as the millers wife observed very much of her own husbands complexion
the match was the more complete Anyhow he must be very fond of her and it
was to be hoped that he would never cast it up to her that she had been going
out to service as a governess and her mother to live at Sawyers Cottage
vicissitudes which had been much spoken of in the village The millers daughter
of fourteen could not believe that high gentry behaved badly to their wives but
her mother instructed her »Oh child mens men gentle or simple theyre
much of a muchness Ive heard my mother say Squire Pelton used to take his dogs
and a long whip into his wifes room and flog em there to frighten her and my
mother was ladysmaid there at the very time«
»Thats unlucky talk for a wedding Mrs Girdle« said the tailor »A
quarrel may end wi the whip but it begins wi the tongue and its the women
have got the most o that«
»The Lord gave it em to use I suppose« said Mrs Girdle »He never meant
you to have it all your own way«
»By what I can make out from the gentleman as attends to the grooming at
Offendene« said the tailor »this Mr Grandcourt has wonderful little tongue
Everything must be done dummylike without his ordering«
»Then hes the more whip I doubt« said Mrs Girdle »Shes got tongue
enough I warrant her See there they come out together«
»What wonderful long corners shes got to her eyes« said the tailor »She
makes you feel comical when she looks at you«
Gwendolen in fact never showed more elasticity in her bearing more lustre
in her long brown glance she had the brilliancy of strong excitement which
will sometimes come even from pain It was not pain however that she was
feeling she had wrought herself up to much the same condition as that in which
she stood at the gamblingtable when Deronda was looking at her and she began
to lose There was enjoyment in it whatever uneasiness a growing conscience had
created was disregarded as an ailment might have been amidst the gratification
of that ambitious vanity and desire for luxury within her which it would take a
great deal of slow poisoning to kill This morning she could not have said truly
that she repented her acceptance of Grandcourt or that any fears in hazy
perspective could hinder the glowing effects of the immediate scene in which she
was the central object That she was doing something wrong that a punishment
might be hanging over her that the woman to whom she had given a promise and
broken it was thinking of her in bitterness and misery with a just reproach
that Deronda with his way of looking into things very likely despised her for
marrying Grandcourt as he had despised her for gambling above all that the
cord which united her with this lover and which she had hitherto held by the
hand was now being flung over her neck all this yeasty mingling of dimly
understood facts with vague but deep impressions and with images half real
half fantastic had been disturbing her during the weeks of her engagement Was
that agitating experience nullified this morning No it was surmounted and
thrust down with a sort of exulting defiance as she felt herself standing at the
game of life with many eyes upon her daring everything to win much or if to
lose still with éclat and a sense of importance But this morning a losing
destiny for herself did not press upon her as a fear she thought that she was
entering on a fuller power of managing circumstance with all the official
strength of marriage which some women made so poor a use of That intoxication
of youthful egoism out of which she had been shaken by trouble humiliation and
a new sense of culpability had returned upon her under the newlyfed strength
of the old fumes She did not in the least present the ideal of the tearful
tremulous bride Poor Gwendolen whom some had judged much too forward and
instructed in the worlds ways with her erect head and elastic footstep she
was walking amid illusions and yet too there was an underconsciousness in
her that she was a little intoxicated
»Thank God you bear it so well my darling« said Mrs Davilow when she had
helped Gwendolen to doff her bridal white and put on her travelling dress All
the trembling had been done by the poor mother and her agitation urged
Gwendolen doubly to take the morning as if it were a triumph
»Why you might have said that if I had been going to Mrs Momperts you
dear sad incorrigible mamma« said Gwendolen just putting her hands to her
mothers cheeks with laughing tenderness then retreating a little and
spreading out her arms as if to exhibit herself »Here am I Mrs Grandcourt
what else would you have me but what I am sure to be You know you were ready
to die with vexation when you thought that I would not be Mrs Grandcourt«
»Hush hush my child for heavens sake« said Mrs Davilow almost in a
whisper »How can I help feeling it when I am parting from you But I can bear
anything gladly if you are happy«
»Not gladly mamma no« said Gwendolen shaking her head with a bright
smile »Willingly you would bear it but always sorrowfully Sorrowing is your
sauce you can take nothing without it« Then clasping her mothers shoulders
and raining kisses first on one cheek and then on the other between her words
she said gaily »And you shall sorrow over my having everything at my beck
and enjoying everything gloriously splendid houses and horses and
diamonds I shall have diamonds and going to court and being Lady Certainly
and Lady Perhaps and grand here and tantivy there and always loving you
better than anybody else in the world«
»My sweet child But I shall not be jealous if you love your husband
better and he will expect to be first«
Gwendolen thrust out her lips and chin with a pretty grimace saying
»Rather a ridiculous expectation However I dont mean to treat him ill unless
he deserves it«
Then the two fell into a clinging embrace and Gwendolen could not hinder a
rising sob when she said »I wish you were going with me mamma«
But the slight dew on her long eyelashes only made her the more charming
when she gave her hand to Grandcourt to be led to the carriage
The Rector looked in on her to give a final »Goodbye God bless you we
shall see you again before long« and then returned to Mrs Davilow saying half
cheerfully half solemnly
»Let us be thankful Fanny She is in a position well suited to her and
beyond what I should have dared to hope for And few women can have been chosen
more entirely for their own sake You should feel yourself a happy mother«
There was a railway journey of some fifty miles before the new husband and wife
reached the station near Ryelands The sky had veiled itself since the morning
and it was hardly more than twilight when they entered the parkgates but still
Gwendolen looking out of the carriagewindow as they drove rapidly along could
see the grand outlines and the nearer beauties of the scene the long winding
drive bordered with evergreens backed by huge grey stems then the opening of
wide grassy spaces and undulations studded with dark clumps till at last came a
wide level where the white house could be seen with a hanging wood for a
background and the rising and sinking balustrade of a terrace in front
Gwendolen had been at her liveliest during the journey chatting
incessantly ignoring any change in their mutual position since yesterday and
Grandcourt had been rather ecstatically quiescent while she turned his gentle
seizure of her hand into a grasp of his hand by both hers with an increased
vivacity as of a kitten that will not sit quiet to be petted She was really
getting somewhat febrile in her excitement and now in this drive through the
park her usual susceptibility to changes of light and scenery helped to make her
heart palpitate newly Was it at the novelty simply or the almost incredible
fulfilment about to be given to her girlish dreams of being »somebody« walking
through her own furlong of corridors and under her own ceilings of an
outofsight loftiness where her own painted Spring was shedding painted
flowers and her own foreshortened Zephyrs were blowing their trumpets over
her while her own servants lackeys in clothing but men in bulk and shape were
as nought in her presence and revered the propriety of her insolence to them
being in short the heroine of an admired play without the pains of art Was it
alone the closeness of this fulfilment which made her heart flutter or was it
some dim forecast the insistent penetration of suppressed experience mixing
the expectation of a triumph with the dread of a crisis Hers was one of the
natures in which exultation inevitably carries an infusion of dread ready to
curdle and declare itself
She fell silent in spite of herself as they approached the gates and when
her husband said »Here we are at home« and for the first time kissed her on
the lips she hardly knew of it it was no more than the passive acceptance of a
greeting in the midst of an absorbing show Was not all her hurrying life of the
last three months a show in which her consciousness was a wondering spectator
After the halfwilful excitement of the day a numbness had come over her
personality
But there was a brilliant light in the hall warmth matting carpets full
length portraits Olympian statues assiduous servants Not many servants
however only a few from Diplow in addition to those constantly in charge of the
house and Gwendolens new maid who had come with her was taken under guidance
by the housekeeper Gwendolen felt herself being led by Grandcourt along a
subtlyscented corridor then into an anteroom where she saw an open doorway
sending out a rich glow of light and colour
»These are our dens« said Grandcourt »You will like to be quiet here till
dinner We shall dine early«
He pressed her hand to his lips and moved away more in love than he had
ever expected to be
Gwendolen yielding up her hat and mantle threw herself into a chair by the
glowing hearth and saw herself repeated in glass panels with all her
faintgreen satin surroundings The housekeeper had passed into this boudoir
from the adjoining dressingroom and seemed disposed to linger Gwendolen
thought in order to look at the new mistress of Ryelands who however being
impatient for solitude said to her »Will you tell Hudson when she has put out
my dress to leave everything I shall not want her again unless I ring«
The housekeeper coming forward said »Here is a packet madam which I was
ordered to give into nobodys hands but yours when you were alone The person
who brought it said it was a present particularly ordered by Mr Grandcourt but
he was not to know of its arrival till he saw you wear it Excuse me madam I
felt it right to obey orders«
Gwendolen took the packet and let it lie on her lap till she heard the doors
close It came into her mind that the packet might contain the diamonds which
Grandcourt had spoken of as being deposited somewhere and to be given to her on
her marriage In this moment of confused feeling and creeping luxurious languor
she was glad of this diversion glad of such an event as having her own
diamonds to try on
Within all the sealed paper coverings was a box but within the box there
was a jewelcase and now she felt no doubt that she had the diamonds But on
opening the case in the same instant that she saw their gleam she saw a letter
lying above them She knew the handwriting of the address It was as if an adder
had lain on them Her heart gave a leap which seemed to have spent all her
strength and as she opened the bit of thin paper it shook with the trembling
of her hands But it was legible as print and thrust its words upon her
»These diamonds which were once given with ardent love to Lydia Glasher
she passes on to you You have broken your word to her that you might possess
what was hers Perhaps you think of being happy as she once was and of having
beautiful children such as hers who will thrust hers aside God is too just for
that The man you have married has a withered heart His best young love was
mine you could not take that from me when you took the rest It is dead but I
am the grave in which your chance of happiness is buried as well as mine You
had your warning You have chosen to injure me and my children He had meant to
marry me He would have married me at last if you had not broken your word You
will have your punishment I desire it with all my soul
Will you give him this letter to set him against me and ruin us more me
and my children Shall you like to stand before your husband with these diamonds
on you and these words of mine in his thoughts and yours Will he think you
have any right to complain when he has made you miserable You took him with
your eyes open The willing wrong you have done me will be your curse«
It seemed at first as if Gwendolens eyes were spellbound in reading the
horrible words of the letter over and over again as a doom of penance but
suddenly a new spasm of terror made her lean forward and stretch out the paper
towards the fire lest accusation and proof at once should meet all eyes It
flew like a feather from her trembling fingers and was caught up in the great
draught of flame In her movement the casket fell on the floor and the diamonds
rolled out She took no notice but fell back in her chair again helpless She
could not see the reflections of herself then they were like so many women
petrified white but coming near herself you might have seen the tremor in her
lips and hands She sat so for a long while knowing little more than that she
was feeling ill and that those written words kept repeating themselves in her
Truly here were poisoned gems and the poison had entered into this poor
young creature
After that long while there was a tap at the door and Grandcourt entered
dressed for dinner The sight of him brought a new nervous shock and Gwendolen
screamed again and again with hysterical violence He had expected to see her
dressed and smiling ready to be led down He saw her pallid shrieking as it
seemed with terror the jewels scattered around her on the floor Was it a fit
of madness
In some form or other the Furies had crossed his threshold
Chapter XXXII
In all ages it hath been a favourite text that a potent love hath
the nature of an isolated fatality whereto the minds opinions and
wonted resolves are altogether alien as for example Daphnis his
frenzy wherein it had little availed him to have been convinced of
Heraclitus his doctrine or the philtrebred passion of Tristan
who though he had been as deep as Duns Scotus would have had his
reasoning marred by that cup too much or Romeo in his sudden taking
for Juliet wherein any objections he might have held against
Ptolemy had made little difference to his discourse under the
balcony Yet all love is not such even though potent nay this
passion hath as large scope as any for allying itself with every
operation of the soul so that it shall acknowledge an effect from
the imagined light of unproven firmaments and have its scale set to
the grander orbits of what hath been and shall be
Deronda on his return to town could assure Sir Hugo of his having lodged in
Grandcourts mind a distinct understanding that he could get fifty thousand
pounds by giving up a prospect which was probably distant and not absolutely
certain but he had no further sign of Grandcourts disposition in the matter
than that he was evidently inclined to keep up friendly communications
»And what did you think of the future bride on a nearer survey« said Sir
Hugo
»I thought better of her than I did at Leubronn Roulette was not a good
setting for her it brought out something of the demon At Diplow she seemed
much more womanly and attractive less hard and selfpossessed I thought her
mouth and eyes had quite a different expression«
»Dont flirt with her too much Dan« said Sir Hugo meaning to be agreeably
playful »If you make Grandcourt savage when they come to the Abbey at
Christmas it will interfere with my affairs«
»I can stay in town sir«
»No no Lady Mallinger and the children cant do without you at Christmas
Only dont make mischief unless you can get up a duel and manage to shoot
Grandcourt which might be worth a little inconvenience«
»I dont think you ever saw me flirt« said Deronda not amused
»Oh havent I though« said Sir Hugo provokingly »You are always looking
tenderly at the women and talking to them in a Jesuitical way You are a
dangerous young fellow a kind of Lovelace who will make the Clarissas run
after you instead of your running after them«
What was the use of being exasperated at a tasteless joke only the
exasperation comes before the reflection on utility Few friendly remarks are
more annoying than the information that we are always seeming to do what we
never mean to do Sir Hugos notion of flirting it was to be hoped was rather
peculiar for his own part Deronda was sure that he had never flirted But he
was glad that the baronet had no knowledge about the repurchase of Gwendolens
necklace to feed his taste for this kind of rallying
He would be on his guard in future for example in his behaviour at Mrs
Meyricks where he was about to pay his first visit since his arrival from
Leubronn For Mirah was certainly a creature in whom it was difficult not to
show a tender kind of interest both by looks and speech
Mrs Meyrick had not failed to send Deronda a report of Mirahs wellbeing in
her family »We are getting fonder of her every day« she had written »At
breakfasttime we all look towards the door with expectation to see her come in
and we watch her and listen to her as if she were a native from a new country I
have not heard a word from her lips that gives me a doubt about her She is
quite contented and full of gratitude My daughters are learning from her and
they hope to get her other pupils for she is anxious not to eat the bread of
idleness but to work like my girls Mab says our life has become like a fairy
tale and all she is afraid of is that Mirah will turn into a nightingale again
and fly away from us Her voice is just perfect not loud and strong but
searching and melting like the thoughts of what has been That is the way old
people like me feel a beautiful voice«
But Mrs Meyrick did not enter into particulars which would have required
her to say that Amy and Mab who had accompanied Mirah to the synagogue found
the Jewish faith less reconcilable with their wishes in her case than in that of
Scotts Rebecca They kept silence out of delicacy to Mirah with whom her
religion was too tender a subject to be touched lightly but after a while Amy
who was much of a practical reformer could not restrain a question
»Excuse me Mirah but does it seem quite right to you that the women should
sit behind rails in a gallery apart«
»Yes I never thought of anything else« said Mirah with mild surprise
»And you like better to see the men with their hats on« said Mab
cautiously proposing the smallest item of difference
»Oh yes I like what I have always seen there because it brings back to me
the same feelings the feelings I would not part with for anything else in the
world«
After this any criticism whether of doctrine or of practice would have
seemed to these generous little people an inhospitable cruelty Mirahs religion
was of one fibre with her affections and had never presented itself to her as a
set of propositions
»She says herself she is a very bad Jewess and does not half know her
peoples religion« said Amy when Mirah was gone to bed »Perhaps it would
gradually melt away from her and she would pass into Christianity like the rest
of the world if she got to love us very much and never found her mother It is
so strange to be of the Jews religion now«
»Oh oh oh« cried Mab »I wish I were not such a hideous Christian How
can an ugly Christian who is always dropping her work convert a beautiful
Jewess who has not a fault«
»It may be wicked of me« said shrewd Kate »but I cannot help wishing that
her mother may not be found There might be something unpleasant«
»I dont think it my dear« said Mrs Meyrick »I believe Mirah is cut out
after the pattern of her mother And what a joy it would be to her to have such
a daughter brought back again But a mothers feelings are not worth reckoning
I suppose« she shot a mischievous glance at her own daughters »and a dead
mother is worth more than a living one«
»Well and so she may be little mother« said Kate »but we would rather
hold you cheaper and have you alive«
Not only the Meyricks whose various knowledge had been acquired by the
irregular foraging to which clever girls have usually been reduced but Deronda
himself with all his masculine instruction had been roused by this apparition
of Mirah to the consciousness of knowing hardly anything about modern Judaism or
the inner Jewish history The Chosen People have been commonly treated as a
people chosen for the sake of somebody else and their thinking as something no
matter exactly what that ought to have been entirely otherwise and Deronda
like his neighbours had regarded Judaism as a sort of eccentric fossilised form
which an accomplished man might dispense with studying and leave to
specialists But Mirah with her terrified flight from one parent and her
yearning after the other had flashed on him the hitherto neglected reality that
Judaism was something still throbbing in human lives still making for them the
only conceivable vesture of the world and in the idling excursion on which he
immediately afterwards set out with Sir Hugo he began to look for the outsides
of synagogues and the titles of books about the Jews This wakening of a new
interest this passing from the supposition that we hold the right opinions on
a subject we are careless about to a sudden care for it and a sense that our
opinions were ignorance is an effectual remedy for ennui which unhappily
cannot be secured on a physicians prescription but Deronda had carried it with
him and endured his weeks of lounging all the better It was on this journey
that he first entered a Jewish synagogue at Frankfort where his party rested
on a Friday In exploring the Judengasse which he had seen long before he
remembered well enough its picturesque old houses what his eyes chiefly dwelt
on now were the human types there and his thought busily connecting them with
the past phases of their race stirred that fibre of historic sympathy which had
helped to determine in him certain traits worth mentioning for those who are
interested in his future True when a young man has a fine person no
eccentricity of manners the education of a gentleman and a present income it
is not customary to feel a prying curiosity about his way of thinking or his
peculiar tastes He may very well be settled in life as an agreeable clever
young fellow without passing a special examination on those heads Later when
he is getting rather slovenly and portly his peculiarities are more distinctly
discerned and it is taken as a mercy if they are not highly objectionable But
any one wishing to understand the effect of afterevents on Deronda should know
a little more of what he was at fiveandtwenty than was evident in ordinary
intercourse
It happened that the very vividness of his impressions had often made him
the more enigmatic to his friends and had contributed to an apparent
indefiniteness in his sentiments His earlywakened sensibility and
reflectiveness had developed into a manysided sympathy which threatened to
hinder any persistent course of action as soon as he took up any antagonism
though only in thought he seemed to himself like the Sabine warriors in the
memorable story with nothing to meet his spear but flesh of his flesh and
objects that he loved His imagination had so wrought itself to the habit of
seeing things as they probably appeared to others that a strong partisanship
unless it were against an immediate oppression had become an insincerity for
him His plenteous flexible sympathy had ended by falling into one current with
that reflective analysis which tends to neutralise sympathy Few men were able
to keep themselves clearer of vices than he yet he hated vices mildly being
used to think of them less in the abstract than as a part of mixed human natures
having an individual history which it was the bent of his mind to trace with
understanding and pity With the same innate balance he was fervidly democratic
in his feeling for the multitude and yet through his affections and
imagination intensely conservative voracious of speculations on government and
religion yet loath to part with longsanctioned forms which for him were
quick with memories and sentiments that no argument could lay dead We fall on
the leaning side and Deronda suspected himself of loving too well the losing
causes of the world Martyrdom changes sides and he was in danger of changing
with it having a strong repugnance to taking up that clue of success which the
order of the world often forces upon us and makes it treason against the common
weal to reject And yet his fear of falling into an unreasoning narrow hatred
made a check for him he apologised for the heirs of privilege he shrank with
dislike from the losers bitterness and the denunciatory tone of the unaccepted
innovator A too reflective and diffusive sympathy was in danger of paralysing
in him that indignation against wrong and that selectness of fellowship which
are the conditions of moral force and in the last few years of confirmed
manhood he had become so keenly aware of this that what he most longed for was
either some external event or some inward light that would urge him into a
definite line of action and compress his wandering energy He was ceasing to
care for knowledge he had no ambition for practice unless they could both be
gathered up into one current with his emotions and he dreaded as if it were a
dwellingplace of lost souls that dead anatomy of culture which turns the
universe into a mere ceaseless answer to queries and knows not everything but
everything else about everything as if one should be ignorant of nothing
concerning the scent of violets except the scent itself for which one had no
nostril But how and whence was the needed event to come the influence that
would justify partiality and make him what he longed to be yet was unable to
make himself an organic part of social life instead of roaming in it like a
yearning disembodied spirit stirred with a vague social passion but without
fixed local habitation to render fellowship real To make a little difference
for the better was what he was not contented to live without but how make it
It is one thing to see your road another to cut it He found some of the fault
in his birth and the way he had been brought up which had laid no special
demands on him and given him no fixed relationship except one of a doubtful
kind but he did not attempt to hide from himself that he had fallen into a
meditative numbness and was gliding farther and farther from that life of
practically energetic sentiment which he would have proclaimed if he had been
inclined to proclaim anything to be the best of all life and for himself the
only life worth living He wanted some way of keeping emotion and its progeny of
sentiments which make the savours of life substantial and strong in the face
of a reflectiveness that threatened to nullify all differences To pound the
objects of sentiment into small dust yet keep sentiment alive and active was
something like the famous recipe for making cannon to first take a round hole
and then enclose it with iron whatever you do keeping fast hold of your round
hole Yet how distinguish what our will may wisely save in its completeness
from the heaping of catmummies and the expensive cult of enshrined
putrefactions
Something like this was the common undercurrent in Derondas mind while he
was reading law or imperfectly attending to polite conversation Meanwhile he
had not set about one function in particular with zeal and steadiness Not an
admirable experience to be proposed as an ideal but a form of struggle before
break of day which some young men since the patriarch have had to pass through
with more or less of bruising if not laming
I have said that under his calm exterior he had a fervour which made him
easily feel the presence of poetry in everyday events and the forms of the
Juden rousing the sense of union with what is remote set him musing on two
elements of our historic life which that sense raises into the same region of
poetry the faint beginnings of faiths and institutions and their obscure
lingering decay the dust and withered remnants with which they are apt to be
covered only enhancing for the awakened perception the impressiveness either of
a sublimely penetrating life as in the twin green leaves that will become the
sheltering tree or of a pathetic inheritance in which all the grandeur and the
glory have become a sorrowing memory
This imaginative stirring as he turned out of the Judengasse and
continued to saunter in the warm evening air meaning to find his way to the
synagogue neutralised the repellent effect of certain ugly little incidents on
his way Turning into an old bookshop to ask the exact time of service at the
synagogue he was affectionately directed by a precocious Jewish youth who
entered cordially into his wanting not the fine new building of the Reformed but
the old Rabbinical school of the orthodox and then cheated him like a pure
Teuton only with more amenity in his charge for a book quite out of request as
one »nicht so leicht zu bekommen« Meanwhile at the opposite counter a deaf and
grisly tradesman was casting a flinty look at certain cards apparently
combining advantages of business with religion and shoutingly proposed to him
in Jewdialect by a dingy man in a tall coat hanging from neck to heel a bag in
hand and a broad low hat surmounting his chosen nose who had no sooner
disappeared than another dingy man of the same pattern issued from the backward
glooms of the shop and also shouted in the same dialect In fact Deronda saw
various queerlooking Israelites not altogether without guile and just
distinguishable from queerlooking Christians of the same mixed morale In his
anxiety about Mirahs relatives he had lately been thinking of vulgar Jews with
a sort of personal alarm But a little comparison will often diminish our
surprise and disgust at the aberrations of Jews and other dissidents whose lives
do not offer a consistent or lovely pattern of their creed and this evening
Deronda becoming more conscious that he was falling into unfairness and
ridiculous exaggeration began to use that corrective comparison he paid his
thaler too much without prejudice to his interests in the Hebrew destiny or
his wish to find the Rabbinische Schule which he arrived at by sunset and
entered with a good congregation of men
He happened to take his seat in a line with an elderly man from whom he was
distant enough to glance at him more than once as rather a noticeable figure
his ample white beard and felt hat framing a profile of that fine contour which
may as easily be Italian as Hebrew He returned Derondas notice till at last
their eyes met an undesirable chance with unknown persons and a reason to
Deronda for not looking again but he immediately found an open prayerbook
pushed towards him and had to bow his thanks However the congregation had
mustered the reader had mounted to the almemor or platform and the service
began Deronda having looked enough at the German translation of the Hebrew in
the book before him to know that he was chiefly hearing Psalms and Old Testament
passages or phrases gave himself up to that strongest effect of chanted
liturgies which is independent of detailed verbal meaning like the effect of
an Allegris Miserere or a Palestrinas Magnificat The most powerful movement
of feeling with a liturgy is the prayer which seeks for nothing special but is
a yearning to escape from the limitations of our own weakness and an invocation
of all Good to enter and abide with us or else a selfoblivious lifting up of
gladness a Gloria in excelsis that such Good exists both the yearning and the
exultation gathering their utmost force from the sense of communion in a form
which has expressed them both for long generations of struggling fellowmen
The Hebrew liturgy like others has its transitions of litany lyric
proclamation dry statement and blessing but this evening all were one for
Deronda the chant of the Chazans or Readers grand wideranging voice with its
passage from monotony to sudden cries the outburst of sweet boys voices from
the little quire the devotional swaying of mens bodies backwards and forwards
the very commonness of the building and shabbiness of the scene where a national
faith which had penetrated the thinking of half the world and moulded the
splendid forms of that worlds religion was finding a remote obscure echo
all were blent for him as one expression of a binding history tragic and yet
glorious He wondered at the strength of his own feeling it seemed beyond the
occasion what one might imagine to be a divine influx in the darkness before
there was any vision to interpret The whole scene was a coherent strain its
burthen a passionate regret which if he had known the liturgy for the Day of
Reconciliation he might have clad in its antithetic burthen »Happy the eye
which saw all these things but verily to hear only of them afflicts our soul
Happy the eye that saw our temple and the joy of our congregation but verily to
hear only of them afflicts our soul Happy the eye that saw the fingers when
tuning every kind of song but verily to hear only of them afflicts our soul«
But with the cessation of the devotional sounds and the movement of many
indifferent faces and vulgar figures before him there darted into his mind the
frigid idea that he had probably been alone in his feeling and perhaps the only
person in the congregation for whom the service was more than a dull routine
There was just time for this chilling thought before he had bowed to his civil
neighbour and was moving away with the rest when he felt a hand on his arm
and turning with the rather unpleasant sensation which this abrupt sort of claim
is apt to bring he saw close to him the whitebearded face of that neighbour
who said to him in German »Excuse me young gentleman allow me what is your
parentage your mothers family her maiden name«
Deronda had a strongly resistant feeling he was inclined to shake off
hastily the touch on his arm but he managed to slip it away and said coldly »I
am an Englishman«
The questioner looked at him dubiously still for an instant then just
lifted his hat and turned away whether under a sense of having made a mistake
or of having been repulsed Deronda was uncertain In his walk back to the hotel
he tried to still any uneasiness on the subject by reflecting that he could not
have acted differently How could he say that he did not know the name of his
mothers family to that total stranger who indeed had taken an unwarrantable
liberty in the abruptness of his question dictated probably by some fancy of
likeness such as often occurs without real significance The incident he said
to himself was trivial but whatever import it might have his inward shrinking
on the occasion was too strong for him to be sorry that he had cut it short It
was a reason however for his not mentioning the synagogue to the Mallingers in
addition to his usual inclination to reticence on anything that the baronet
would have been likely to call Quixotic enthusiasm Hardly any man could be more
goodnatured than Sir Hugo indeed in his kindliness especially to women he
did actions which others would have called romantic but he never took a
romantic view of them and in general smiled at the introduction of motives on a
grand scale or of reasons that lay very far off This was the point of
strongest difference between him and Deronda who rarely ate his breakfast
without some silent discursive flight after grounds for filling up his day
according to the practice of his contemporaries
This halt at Frankfort was taken on their way home and its impressions were
kept the more actively vibrating in him by the duty of caring for Mirahs
welfare That question about his parentage which if he had not both inwardly
and outwardly shaken it off as trivial would have seemed a threat rather than a
promise of revelation had reinforced his anxiety as to the effect of finding
Mirahs relatives and his resolve to proceed with caution If he made any
unpleasant discovery was he bound to a disclosure that might cast a new net of
trouble around her
He had written to Mrs Meyrick to announce his visit at four oclock and he
found Mirah seated at work with only Mrs Meyrick and Mab the open piano and
all the glorious company of engravings The dainty neatness of her hair and
dress the glow of tranquil happiness in a face where a painter need have
changed nothing if he had wanted to put it in front of the host singing »peace
on earth and goodwill to men« made a contrast to his first vision of her that
was delightful to Derondas eyes Mirah herself was thinking of it and
immediately on their greeting said
»See how different I am from that miserable creature by the river all
because you found me and brought me to the very best«
»It was my good chance to find you« said Deronda »Any other man would have
been glad to do what I did«
»That is not the right way of thinking about it« said Mirah shaking her
head with decisive gravity »I think of what really was It was you and not
another who found me and were good to me«
»I agree with Mirah« said Mrs Meyrick »Saint Anybody is a bad saint to
pray to«
»Besides Anybody could not have brought me to you« said Mirah smiling at
Mrs Meyrick »And I would rather be with you than with any one else in the
world except my mother I wonder if ever a poor little bird that was lost and
could not fly was taken and put into a warm nest where there was a mother and
sisters who took to it so that everything came naturally as if it had been
always there I hardly thought before that the world could ever be as happy and
without fear as it is to me now« She looked meditative a moment and then said
»Sometimes I am a little afraid«
»What is it you are afraid of« said Deronda with anxiety
»That when I am turning at the corner of a street I may meet my father It
seems dreadful that I should be afraid of meeting him That is my only sorrow«
said Mirah plaintively
»It is surely not very probable« said Deronda wishing that it were less
so then not to let the opportunity escape »Would it be a great grief to you
now if you were never to meet your mother«
She did not answer immediately but meditated again with her eyes fixed on
the opposite wall Then she turned them on Deronda and said firmly as if she
had arrived at the exact truth »I want her to know that I have always loved
her and if she is alive I want to comfort her She may be dead If she were I
should long to know where she was buried and to know whether my brother lives
so that we can remember her together But I will try not to grieve I have
thought much for so many years of her being dead And I shall have her with me
in my mind as I have always had We can never be really parted I think I have
never sinned against her I have always tried not to do what would hurt her
Only she might be sorry that I was not a good Jewess«
»In what way are you not a good Jewess« said Deronda
»I am ignorant and we never observed the laws but lived among Christians
just as they did But I have heard my father laugh at the strictness of the Jews
about their food and all customs and their not liking Christians I think my
mother was strict but she could never want me not to like those who are better
to me than any of my own people I have ever known I think I could obey in other
things that she wished but not in that It is so much easier to me to share in
love than in hatred I remember a play I read in German since I have been
here it has come into my mind where the heroine says something like that«
»Antigone« said Deronda
»Ah you know it But I do not believe that my mother would wish me not to
love my best friends She would be grateful to them« Here Mirah had turned to
Mrs Meyrick and with a sudden lighting up of her whole countenance she said
»Oh if we ever do meet and know each other as we are now so that I could tell
what would comfort her I should be so full of blessedness my soul would know
no want but to love her«
»God bless you child« said Mrs Meyrick the words escaping involuntarily
from her motherly heart But to relieve the strain of feeling she looked at
Deronda and said »It is curious that Mirah who remembers her mother so well
it is as if she saw her cannot recall her brother the least bit except the
feeling of having been carried by him when she was tired and of his being near
her when she was in her mothers lap It must be that he was rarely at home He
was already grown up It is a pity her brother should be quite a stranger to
her«
»He is good I feel sure Ezra is good« said Mirah eagerly »He loved my
mother he would take care of her I remember more of him than that I remember
my mothers voice once calling Ezra and then his answering from the distance
Mother« Mirah had changed her voice a little in each of these words and had
given them a loving intonation »and then he came close to us I feel sure he
is good I have always taken comfort from that«
It was impossible to answer this either with agreement or doubt Mrs
Meyrick and Deronda exchanged a quick glance about this brother she felt as
painfully dubious as he did But Mirah went on absorbed in her memories
»Is it not wonderful how I remember the voices better than anything else I
think they must go deeper into us than other things I have often fancied heaven
might be made of voices«
»Like your singing yes« said Mab who had hitherto kept a modest silence
and now spoke bashfully as was her wont in the presence of Prince Camaralzaman
»Ma do ask Mirah to sing Mr Deronda has not heard her«
»Would it be disagreeable to you to sing now« said Deronda with a more
deferential gentleness than he had ever been conscious of before
»Oh I shall like it« said Mirah »My voice has come back a little with
rest«
Perhaps her ease of manner was due to something more than the simplicity of
her nature The circumstances of her life had made her think of everything she
did as work demanded from her in which affectation had nothing to do and she
had begun her work before selfconsciousness was born
She immediately rose and went to the piano a somewhat worn instrument that
seemed to get the better of its infirmities under the firm touch of her small
fingers as she preluded Deronda placed himself where he could see her while she
sang and she took everything as quietly as if she had been a child going to
breakfast
Imagine her it is always good to imagine a human creature in whom bodily
loveliness seems as properly one with the entire being as the bodily loveliness
of those wondrous transparent orbs of life that we find in the sea imagine her
with her dark hair brushed from her temples but yet showing certain tiny rings
there which had cunningly found their own way back the mass of it hanging
behind just to the nape of the little neck in curly fibres such as renew
themselves at their own will after being bathed into straightness like that of
watergrasses Then see the perfect cameo her profile makes cut in a duskish
shell where by some happy fortune there pierced a gemlike darkness for the eye
and eyebrow the delicate nostrils defined enough to be ready for sensitive
movements the finished ear the firm curves of the chin and neck entering into
the expression of a refinement which was not feebleness
She sang Beethovens »Per pietà non dirmi addio« with a subdued but
searching pathos which had that essential of perfect singing the making one
oblivious of art or manner and only possessing one with the song It was the
sort of voice that gives the impression of being meant like a birds wooing for
an audience near and beloved Deronda began by looking at her but felt himself
presently covering his eyes with his hand wanting to seclude the melody in
darkness then he refrained from what might seem oddity and was ready to meet
the look of mute appeal which she turned towards him at the end
»I think I never enjoyed a song more than that« he said gratefully
»You like my singing I am so glad« she said with a smile of delight »It
has been a great pain to me because it failed in what it was wanted for But
now we think I can use it to get my bread I have really been taught well And
now I have two pupils that Miss Meyrick found for me They pay me nearly two
crowns for their two lessons«
»I think I know some ladies who would find you many pupils after Christmas«
said Deronda »You would not mind singing before any one who wished to hear
you«
»Oh no I want to do something to get money I could teach reading and
speaking Mrs Meyrick thinks But if no one would learn of me that is
difficult« Mirah smiled with a touch of merriment he had not seen in her
before »I daresay I should find her poor I mean my mother I should want to
get money for her And I cannot always live on charity though« here she
turned so as to take all three of her companions in one glance »it is the
sweetest charity in all the world«
»I should think you can get rich« said Deronda smiling »Great ladies will
perhaps like you to teach their daughters We shall see But now do sing again
to us«
She went on willingly singing with ready memory various things by
Gordigiani and Schubert then when she had left the piano Mab said
entreatingly »Oh Mirah if you would not mind singing the little hymn«
»It is too childish« said Mirah »It is like lisping«
»What is the hymn« said Deronda
»It is the Hebrew hymn she remembers her mother singing over her when she
lay in her cot« said Mrs Meyrick
»I should like very much to hear it« said Deronda »if you think I am
worthy to hear what is so sacred«
»I will sing it if you like« said Mirah »but I dont sing real words
only here and there a syllable like hers the rest is lisping Do you know
Hebrew because if you do my singing will seem childish nonsense«
Deronda shook his head »It will be quite good Hebrew to me«
Mirah crossed her little feet and hands in her easiest attitude and then
lifted up her head at an angle which seemed to be directed to some invisible
face bent over her while she sang a little hymn of quaint melancholy intervals
with syllables that really seemed childish lisping to her audience but the
voice in which she gave it forth had gathered even a sweeter more cooing
tenderness than was heard in her other songs
»If I were ever to know the real words I should still go on in my old way
with them« said Mirah when she had repeated the hymn several times
»Why not« said Deronda »The lisped syllables are very full of meaning«
»Yes indeed« said Mrs Meyrick »A mother hears something like a lisp in
her childrens talk to the very last Their words are not just what everybody
else says though they may be spelt the same If I were to live till my Hans got
old I should still see the boy in him A mothers love I often say is like a
tree that has got all the wood in it from the very first it made«
»Is not that the way with friendship too« said Deronda smiling »We must
not let mothers be too arrogant«
The bright little woman shook her head over her darning
»It is easier to find an old mother than an old friend Friendships begin
with liking or gratitude roots that can be pulled up Mothers love begins
deeper down«
»Like what you were saying about the influence of voices« said Deronda
looking at Mirah »I dont think your hymn would have had more expression for me
if I had known the words I went to the synagogue at Frankfort before I came
home and the service impressed me just as much as if I had followed the words
perhaps more«
»Oh was it great to you Did it go to your heart« said Mirah eagerly »I
thought none but our people would feel that I thought it was all shut away like
a river in a deep valley where only heaven saw I mean « she hesitated
feeling that she could not disentangle her thought from its imagery
»I understand« said Deronda »But there is not really such a separation
deeper down as Mrs Meyrick says Our religion is chiefly a Hebrew religion
and since Jews are men their religious feelings must have much in common with
those of other men just as their poetry though in one sense peculiar has a
great deal in common with the poetry of other nations Still it is to be
expected that a Jew would feel the forms of his peoples religion more than one
of another race and yet« here Deronda hesitated in his turn »that is
perhaps not always so«
»Ah no« said Mirah sadly »I have seen that I have seen them mock Is it
not like mocking your parents like rejoicing in your parents shame«
»Some minds naturally rebel against whatever they were brought up in and
like the opposite they see the faults in what is nearest to them« said
Deronda apologetically
»But you are not like that« said Mirah looking at him with unconscious
fixedness
»No I think not« said Deronda »but you know I was not brought up as a
Jew«
»Ah I am always forgetting« said Mirah with a look of disappointed
recollection and slightly blushing
Deronda also felt rather embarrassed and there was an awkward pause which
he put an end to by saying playfully
»Whichever way we take it we have to tolerate each other for if we all
went in opposition to our teaching we must end in difference just the same«
»To be sure We should go on for ever in zigzags« said Mrs Meyrick »I
think it is very weakminded to make your creed up by the rule of contrary
Still one may honour ones parents without following their notions exactly any
more than the exact cut of their clothing My father was a Scotch Calvinist and
my mother was a French Calvinist I am neither quite Scotch nor quite French
nor two Calvinists rolled into one yet I honour my parents memory«
»But I could not make myself not a Jewess« said Mirah insistently »even
if I changed my belief«
»No my dear But if Jews and Jewesses went on changing their religion and
making no difference between themselves and Christians there would come a time
when there would be no Jews to be seen« said Mrs Meyrick taking that
consummation very cheerfully
»Oh please not to say that« said Mirah the tears gathering »It is the
first unkind thing you ever said I will not begin that I will never separate
myself from my mothers people I was forced to fly from my father but if he
came back in age and weakness and want and needed me should I say This is not
my father If he had shame I must share it It was he who was given to me for
my father and not another And so it is with my people I will always be a
Jewess I will love Christians when they are good like you But I will always
cling to my people I will always worship with them«
As Mirah had gone on speaking she had become possessed with a sorrowful
passion fervent not violent Holding her little hands tightly clasped and
looking at Mrs Meyrick with beseeching she seemed to Deronda a personification
of that spirit which impelled men after a long inheritance of professed
Catholicism to leave wealth and high place and risk their lives in flight that
they might join their own people and say »I am a Jew«
»Mirah Mirah my dear child you mistake me« said Mrs Meyrick alarmed
»God forbid I should want you to do anything against your conscience I was only
saying what might be if the world went on But I had better have left the world
alone and not wanted to be overwise Forgive me come we will not try to take
you from anybody you feel has more right to you«
»I would do anything else for you I owe you my life« said Mirah not yet
quite calm
»Hush hush now« said Mrs Meyrick »I have been punished enough for
wagging my tongue foolishly making an almanac for the Millennium as my
husband used to say«
»But everything in the world must come to an end some time We must bear to
think of that« said Mab unable to hold her peace on this point She had
already suffered from a bondage of tongue which threatened to become severe if
Mirah were to be too much indulged in this inconvenient susceptibility to
innocent remarks
Deronda smiled at the irregular blond face brought into strange contrast
by the side of Mirahs smiled Mab thought rather sarcastically as he said
»That prospect of everything coming to an end will not guide us far in practice
Mirahs feelings she tells us are concerned with what is«
Mab was confused and wished she had not spoken since Mr Deronda seemed to
think that she had found fault with Mirah but to have spoken once is a
tyrannous reason for speaking again and she said
»I only meant that we must have courage to hear things else there is hardly
anything we can talk about« Mab felt herself unanswerable here inclining to
the opinion of Socrates »What motive has a man to live if not for the
pleasures of discourse«
Deronda took his leave soon after and when Mrs Meyrick went outside with
him to exchange a few words about Mirah he said »Hans is to share my chambers
when he comes at Christmas«
»You have written to Rome about that« said Mrs Meyrick her face lighting
up »How very good and thoughtful of you You mentioned Mirah then«
»Yes I referred to her I concluded he knew everything from you«
»I must confess my folly I have not yet written a word about her I have
always been meaning to do it and yet have ended my letter without saying a
word And I told the girls to leave it to me However Thank you a thousand
times«
Deronda divined something of what was in the mothers mind and his
divination reinforced a certain anxiety already present in him His inward
colloquy was not soothing He said to himself that no man could see this
exquisite creature without feeling it possible to fall in love with her but all
the fervour of his nature was engaged on the side of precaution There are
personages who feel themselves tragic because they march into a palpable morass
dragging another with them and then cry out against all the gods Derondas
mind was strongly set against imitating them
»I have my hands on the reins now« he thought »and I will not drop them I
shall go there as little as possible«
He saw the reasons acting themselves out before him How could he be Mirahs
guardian and claim to unite with Mrs Meyrick to whose charge he had committed
her if he showed himself as a lover whom she did not love whom she would
not marry And if he encouraged any germ of lovers feeling in himself it would
lead up to that issue Mirahs was not a nature that would bear dividing against
itself and even if love won her consent to marry a man who was not of her race
and religion she would never be happy in acting against that strong native bias
which would still reign in her conscience as remorse
Deronda saw these consequences as we see any danger of marring our own work
well begun It was a delight to have rescued this child acquainted with sorrow
and to think of having placed her little feet in protected paths The creature
we help to save though only a halfreared linnet bruised and lost by the
wayside how we watch and fence it and dote on its signs of recovery Our
pride becomes loving our self is a notself for whose sake we become virtuous
when we set to some hidden work of reclaiming a life from misery and look for
our triumph in the secret joy »This one is the better for me«
»I would as soon hold out my finger to be bitten off as set about spoiling
her peace« said Deronda »It was one of the rarest bits of fortune that I
should have had friends like the Meyricks to place her with generous delicate
friends without any loftiness in their ways so that her dependence on them is
not only safety but happiness There could be no refuge to replace that if it
were broken up But what is the use of my taking the vows and settling
everything as it should be if that marplot Hans comes and upsets it all«
Few things were more likely Hans was made for mishaps his very limbs
seemed more breakable than other peoples his eyes more of a resort for
uninvited flies and other irritating guests But it was impossible to forbid
Hanss coming to London He was intending to get a studio there and make it his
chief home and to propose that he should defer coming on some ostensible
ground concealing the real motive of winning time for Mirahs position to
become more confirmed and independent was impracticable Having no other
resource Deronda tried to believe that both he and Mrs Meyrick were foolishly
troubling themselves about one of those endless things called probabilities
which never occur but he did not quite succeed in his trying on the contrary
he found himself going inwardly through a scene where on the first discovery of
Hanss inclination he gave him a very energetic warning suddenly checked
however by the suspicion of personal feeling that his warmth might be creating
in Hans He could come to no result but that the position was peculiar and
that he could make no further provision against dangers until they came nearer
To save an unhappy Jewess from drowning herself would not have seemed a
startling variation among police reports but to discover in her so rare a
creature as Mirah was an exceptional event which might well bring exceptional
consequences Deronda would not let himself for a moment dwell on any
supposition that the consequences might enter deeply into his own life The
image of Mirah had never yet had that penetrating radiation which would have
been given to it by the idea of her loving him When this sort of effluence is
absent from the fancy whether from the fact or not a man may go far in
devotedness without perturbation
As to the search for Mirahs mother and brother Deronda took what she had
said today as a warrant for deferring any immediate measures His conscience
was not quite easy in this desire for delay any more than it was quite easy in
his not attempting to learn the truth about his own mother in both cases he
felt that there might be an unfulfilled duty to a parent but in both cases
there was an overpowering repugnance to the possible truth which threw a
turning weight into the scale of argument
»At least I will look about« was his final determination »I may find some
special Jewish machinery I will wait till after Christmas«
What should we all do without the calendar when we want to put off a
disagreeable duty The admirable arrangements of the solar system by which our
time is measured always supply us with a term before which it is hardly worth
while to set about anything we are disinclined to
Chapter XXXIII
»No man« says a Rabbi by way of indisputable instance »may turn
the bones of his father and mother into spoons« sure that his
hearers felt the checks against that form of economy The market for
spoons has never expanded enough for any one to say »Why not« and
to argue that human progress lies in such an application of
material The only check to be alleged is a sentiment which will
coerce none who do not hold that sentiments are the better part of
the worlds wealth
Deronda meanwhile took to a less fashionable form of exercise than riding in
Rotten Row He went often rambling in those parts of London which are most
inhabited by common Jews he walked to the synagogues at times of service he
looked into shops he observed faces a process not very promising of
particular discovery Why did he not address himself to an influential Rabbi or
other member of a Jewish community to consult on the chances of finding a
mother named Cohen with a son named Ezra and a lost daughter named Mirah He
thought of doing so after Christmas The fact was notwithstanding all his
sense of poetry in common things Deronda where a keen personal interest was
aroused could not more than the rest of us continuously escape suffering from
the pressure of that hard unaccommodating Actual which has never consulted our
taste and is entirely unselect Enthusiasm we know dwells at ease among ideas
tolerates garlic breathed in the middle ages and sees no shabbiness in the
official trappings of classic processions it gets squeamish when ideals press
upon it as something warmly incarnate and can hardly face them without
fainting Lying dreamily in a boat imagining ones self in quest of a beautiful
maidens relatives in Cordova elbowed by Jews in the time of IbnGebirol all
the physical incidents can be borne without shock Or if the scenery of St Mary
Axe and Whitechapel were imaginatively transported to the borders of the Rhine
at the end of the eleventh century when in the ears listening for the signals
of the Messiah the Hep Hep Hep of the Crusaders came like the bay of
bloodhounds and in the presence of those devilish missionaries with sword and
firebrand the crouching figure of the reviled Jew turned round erect heroic
flashing with sublime constancy in the face of torture and death what would
the dingy shops and unbeautiful faces signify to the thrill of contemplative
emotion But the fervour of sympathy with which we contemplate a grandiose
martyrdom is feeble compared with the enthusiasm that keeps unslacked where
there is no danger no challenge nothing but impartial midday falling on
commonplace perhaps halfrepulsive objects which are really the beloved ideas
made flesh Here undoubtedly lies the chief poetic energy in the force of
imagination that pierces or exalts the solid fact instead of floating among
cloudpictures To glory in a prophetic vision of knowledge covering the earth
is an easier exercise of believing imagination than to see its beginning in
newspaper placards staring at yon from a bridge beyond the cornfields and it
might well happen to most of us dainty people that we were in the thick of the
battle of Armageddon without being aware of anything more than the annoyance of
a little explosive smoke and struggling on the ground immediately about us
It lay in Derondas nature usually to contemn the feeble fastidious
sympathy which shrinks from the broad life of mankind but now with Mirah
before him as a living reality whose experience he had to care for he saw every
common Jew and Jewess in the light of comparison with her and had a
presentiment of the collision between her idea of the unknown mother and brother
and the discovered fact a presentiment all the keener in him because of a
suppressed consciousness that a not unlike possibility of collision might lie
hidden in his own lot Not that he would have looked with more complacency of
expectation at wealthy Jews outdoing the lords of the Philistines in their
sports but since there was no likelihood of Mirahs friends being found among
that class their habits did not immediately affect him In this mood he
rambled without expectation of a more pregnant result than a little preparation
of his own mind perhaps for future theorising as well as practice very much
as if Mirah being related to Welsh miners he had gone to look more closely at
the ways of those people not without wishing at the same time to get a little
light of detail on the history of Strikes
He really did not long to find anybody in particular and when as his habit
was he looked at the name over a shopdoor he was well content that it was not
Ezra Cohen I confess he particularly desired that Ezra Cohen should not keep a
shop Wishes are held to be ominous according to which belief the order of the
world is so arranged that if you have an impious objection to a squint your
offspring is the more likely to be born with one also that if you happened to
desire a squint you would not get it This desponding view of probability the
hopeful entirely reject taking their wishes as good and sufficient security for
all kinds of fulfilment Who is absolutely neutral Deronda happening one
morning to turn into a little side street out of the noise and obstructions of
Holborn felt the scale dip on the desponding side
He was rather tired of the streets and had paused to hail a hansom cab which
he saw coming when his attention was caught by some fine old clasps in chased
silver displayed in the window at his right hand His first thought was that
Lady Mallinger who had a strictly Protestant taste for such Catholic spoils
might like to have these missalclasps turned into a bracelet then his eyes
travelled over the other contents of the window and he saw that the shop was
that kind of pawnbrokers where the lead is given to jewellery lace and all
equivocal objects introduced as bricabrac A placard in one corner announced
Watches and Jewellery exchanged and repaired But his survey had been noticed
from within and a figure appeared at the door looking round at him and saying
in a tone of cordial encouragement »Good day sir« The instant was enough for
Deronda to see that the face unmistakeably Jewish belonged to a young man
about thirty and wincing from the shopkeepers persuasiveness that would
probably follow he had no sooner returned the »good day« than he passed to the
other side of the street and beckoned to the cabman to draw up there From that
station he saw the name over the shopwindow Ezra Cohen
There might be a hundred Ezra Cohens lettered above shopwindows but
Deronda had not seen them Probably the young man interested in a possible
customer was Ezra himself and he was about the age to be expected in Mirahs
brother who was grown up while she was still a little child But Derondas
first endeavour as he drove homewards was to convince himself that there was not
the slightest warrantable presumption of this Ezra being Mirahs brother and
next that even if in spite of good reasoning he turned out to be that
brother while on inquiry the mother was found to be dead it was not his
Derondas duty to make known the discovery to Mirah In inconvenient
disturbance of this conclusion there came his latelyacquired knowledge that
Mirah would have a religious desire to know of her mothers death and also to
learn whether her brother were living How far was he justified in determining
another life by his own notions Was it not his secret complaint against the way
in which others had ordered his own life that he had not open daylight on all
its relations so that he had not like other men the full guidance of primary
duties
The immediate relief from this inward debate was the reflection that he had
not yet made any real discovery and that by looking into the facts more closely
he should be certified that there was no demand on him for any decision
whatever He intended to return to that shop as soon as he could conveniently
and buy the clasps for Lady Mallinger But he was hindered for several days by
Sir Hugo who about to make an afterdinner speech on a burning topic wanted
Deronda to forage for him on the legal part of the question besides wasting
time every day on argument which always ended in a drawn battle As on many
other questions they held different sides but Sir Hugo did not mind this and
when Deronda put his point well said with a mixture of satisfaction and regret
»Confound it Dan why dont you make an opportunity of saying these things
in public Youre wrong you know You wont succeed Youve got the massive
sentiment the heavy artillery of the country against you But its all the
better ground for a young man to display himself on When I was your age I
should have taken it And it would be quite as well for you to be in opposition
to me here and there It would throw you more into relief If you would seize an
occasion of this sort to make an impression yon might be in Parliament in no
time And you know that would gratify me«
»I am sorry not to do what would gratify you sir« said Deronda »But I
cannot persuade myself to look at politics as a profession«
»Why not If a man is not born into public life by his position in the
country theres no way for him but to embrace it by his own efforts The
business of the country must be done her Majestys Government carried on as
the old Duke said And it never could be my boy if everybody looked at
politics as if they were prophecy and demanded an inspired vocation If you are
to get into Parliament it wont do to sit still and wait for a call either from
heaven or constituents«
»I dont want to make a living out of opinions« said Deronda »especially
out of borrowed opinions Not that I mean to blame other men I daresay many
better fellows than I dont mind getting on to a platform to praise themselves
and giving their word of honour for a party«
»Ill tell you what Dan« said Sir Hugo »a man who sets his face against
every sort of humbug is simply a threecornered impracticable fellow Theres a
bad style of humbug but there is also a good style one that oils the wheels
and makes progress possible If you are to rule men you must rule them through
their own ideas and I agree with the Archbishop at Naples who had a St
Januarius procession against the plague Its no use having an Order in Council
against popular shallowness There is no action possible without a little
acting«
»One may be obliged to give way to an occasional necessity« said Deronda
»But it is one thing to say In this particular case I am forced to put on this
foolscap and grin and another to buy a pocket foolscap and practise myself in
grinning I cant see any real public expediency that does not keep an ideal
before it which makes a limit of deviation from the direct path But if I were
to set up for a public man I might mistake my own success for public
expediency«
It was after this dialogue which was rather jarring to him that Deronda
set out on his meditated second visit to Ezra Cohens He entered the street at
the end opposite to the Holborn entrance and an inward reluctance slackened his
pace while his thoughts were transferring what he had just been saying about
public expediency to the entirely private difficulty which brought him back
again into this unattractive thoroughfare It might soon become an immediate
practical question with him how far he could call it a wise expediency to
conceal the fact of close kindred Such questions turning up constantly in life
are often decided in a rough and ready way and to many it will appear an
overrefinement in Deronda that he should make any great point of a matter
confined to his own knowledge But we have seen the reasons why he had come to
regard concealment as a bane of life and the necessity of concealment as a mark
by which lines of action were to be avoided The prospect of being urged against
the confirmed habit of his mind was naturally grating He even paused here and
there before the most plausible shopwindows for a gentleman to look into half
inclined to decide that he would not increase his knowledge about that modern
Ezra who was certainly not a leader among his people a hesitation which
proved how in a man much given to reasoning a bare possibility may weigh more
than the bestclad likelihood for Derondas reasoning had decided that all
likelihood was against this mans being Mirahs brother
One of the shopwindows he paused before was that of a secondhand
bookshop where on a narrow table outside the literature of the ages was
represented in judicious mixture from the immortal verse of Homer to the mortal
prose of the railway novel That the mixture was judicious was apparent from
Derondas finding in it something that he wanted namely that wonderful bit of
autobiography the life of the Polish Jew Salomon Maimon which as he could
easily slip it into his pocket he took from its place and entered the shop to
pay for expecting to see behind the counter a grimy personage showing that
nonchalance about sales which seems to belong universally to the secondhand
bookbusiness In most other trades you find generous men who are anxious to
sell you their wares for your own welfare but even a Jew will not urge Simsons
Euclid on you with an affectionate assurance that you will have pleasure in
reading it and that he wishes he had twenty more of the article so much is it
in request One is led to fear that a secondhand bookseller may belong to that
unhappy class of men who have no belief in the good of what they get their
living by yet keep conscience enough to be morose rather than unctuous in their
vocation
But instead of the ordinary tradesman he saw on the dark background of
books in the long narrow shop a figure that was somewhat startling in its
unusualness A man in threadbare clothing whose age was difficult to guess
from the dead yellowish flatness of the flesh something like an old ivory
carving was seated on a stool against some bookshelves that projected beyond
the short counter doing nothing more remarkable than reading the yesterdays
Times but when he let the paper rest on his lap and looked at the incoming
customer the thought glanced through Deronda that precisely such a physiognomy
as that might possibly have been seen in a prophet of the Exile or in some New
Hebrew poet of the mediæval time It was a finely typical Jewish face wrought
into intensity of expression apparently by a strenuous eager experience in which
all the satisfaction had been indirect and far off and perhaps by some bodily
suffering also which involved that absence of ease in the present The features
were clearcut not large the brow not high but broad and fully defined by the
crisp black hair It might never have been a particularly handsome face but it
must always have been forcible and now with its dark faroff gaze and yellow
pallor in relief on the gloom of the backward shop one might have imagined
ones self coming upon it in some past prison of the Inquisition which a mob
had suddenly burst open while the look fixed on an incidental customer seemed
eager and questioning enough to have been turned on one who might have been a
messenger either of delivery or of death The figure was probably familiar and
unexciting enough to the inhabitants of this street but to Derondas mind it
brought so strange a blending of the unwonted with the common that there was a
perceptible interval of mutual observation before he asked his question »What
is the price of this book«
After taking the book and examining the flyleaves without rising the
supposed bookseller said »There is no mark and Mr Ram is not in now I am
keeping the shop while he is gone to dinner What are you disposed to give for
it« He held the book closed on his lap with his hand on it and looked
examiningly at Deronda over whom there came the disagreeable idea that
possibly this striking personage wanted to see how much could be got out of a
customers ignorance of prices But without further reflection he said »Dont
you know how much it is worth«
»Not its marketprice May I ask have you read it«
»No I have read an account of it which makes me want to buy it«
»You are a man of learning you are interested in Jewish history« This was
said in a deepened tone of eager inquiry
»I am certainly interested in Jewish history« said Deronda quietly
curiosity overcoming his dislike to the sort of inspection as well as
questioning he was under
But immediately the strange Jew rose from his sitting posture and Deronda
felt a thin hand pressing his arm tightly while a hoarse excited voice not
much above a loud whisper said
»You are perhaps of our race«
Deronda coloured deeply not liking the grasp and then answered with a
slight shake of the head »No« The grasp was relaxed the hand withdrawn the
eagerness of the face collapsed into uninterested melancholy as if some
possessing spirit which had leaped into the eyes and gestures had sunk back
again to the inmost recesses of the frame and moving further off as he held out
the little book the stranger said in a tone of distant civility »I believe Mr
Ram will be satisfied with halfacrown sir«
The effect of this change on Deronda he afterwards smiled when he recalled
it was oddly embarrassing and humiliating as if some high dignitary had found
him deficient and given him his congé There was nothing further to be said
however he paid his halfcrown and carried off his Salomon Maimons
Lebensgeschichte with a mere »good morning«
He felt some vexation at the sudden arrest of the interview and the
apparent prohibition that he should know more of this man who was certainly
something out of the common way as different probably as a Jew could well be
from Ezra Cohen through whose door Deronda was presently entering and whose
flourishing face glistening on the way to fatness was hanging over the counter
in negotiation with some one on the other side of the partition concerning two
plated stoppers and three teaspoons which lay spread before him Seeing Deronda
enter he called out »Mother Mother« and then with a familiar nod and smile
said »Coming sir coming directly«
Deronda could not help looking towards the door from the back with some
anxiety which was not soothed when he saw a vigorous woman beyond fifty enter
and approach to serve him Not that there was anything very repulsive about her
the worst that could be said was that she had that look of having made her
toilet with little water and by twilight which is common to unyouthful people
of her class and of having presumably slept in her large earrings if not in
her rings and necklace In fact what caused a sinking of heart in Deronda was
her not being so coarse and ugly as to exclude the idea of her being Mirahs
mother Any one who has looked at a face to try and discern signs of known
kinship in it will understand his process of conjecture how he tried to think
away the fat which had gradually disguised the outlines of youth and to discern
what one may call the elementary expressions of the face He was sorry to see no
absolute negative to his fears Just as it was conceivable that this Ezra
brought up to trade might resemble the scapegrace father in everything but his
knowledge and talent so it was not impossible that this mother might have had a
lovely refined daughter whose type of feature and expression was like Mirahs
The eyebrows had a vexatious similarity of line and who shall decide how far a
face may be masked when the uncherishing years have thrust it far onward in the
evernew procession of youth and age The goodhumour of the glance remained and
shone out in a motherly way at Deronda as she said in a mild guttural tone
»How can I serve you sir«
»I should like to look at the silver clasps in the window« said Deronda
»the larger ones please in the corner there«
They were not quite easy to get at from the mothers station and the son
seeing this called out »Ill reach em mother Ill reach em« running
forward with alacrity and then handing the clasps to Deronda with the smiling
remark
»Mothers too proud she wants to do everything herself Thats why I called
her to wait on you sir When theres a particular gentleman customer sir I
darent do any other than call her But I cant let her do herself a mischief
with stretching«
Here Mr Cohen made way again for his parent who gave a little guttural
amiable laugh while she looked at Deronda as much as to say »This boy will be
at his jokes but you see hes the best son in the world« and evidently the son
enjoyed pleasing her though he also wished to convey an apology to his
distinguished customer for not giving him the advantage of his own exclusive
attention
Deronda began to examine the clasps as if he had many points to observe
before he could come to a decision
»They are only three guineas sir« said the mother encouragingly
»Firstrate workmanship sir worth twice the money only I got em a
bargain from Cologne« said the son parenthetically from a distance
Meanwhile two new customers entered and the repeated call »Addy« brought
from the back of the shop a group that Deronda turned frankly to stare at
feeling sure that the stare would be held complimentary The group consisted of
a blackeyed young woman who carried a blackeyed little one its head already
well covered with black curls and deposited it on the counter from which
station it looked round with even more than the usual intelligence of babies
also a robust boy of six and a younger girl both with black eyes and
blackringed hair looking more Semitic than their parents as the puppy lions
show the spots of faroff progenitors The young woman answering to »Addy« a
sort of paroquet in a bright blue dress with coral necklace and earrings her
hair set up in a huge bush looked as complacently lively and unrefined as her
husband and by a certain difference from the mother deepened in Deronda the
unwelcome impression that the latter was not so utterly common a Jewess as to
exclude her being the mother of Mirah While that thought was glancing through
his mind the boy had run forward into the shop with an energetic stamp and
setting himself about four feet from Deronda with his hands in the pockets of
his miniature knickerbockers looked at him with a precocious air of survey
Perhaps it was chiefly with a diplomatic design to linger and ingratiate himself
that Deronda patted the boys head saying
»What is your name sirrah«
»Jacob Alexander Cohen« said the small man with much ease and
distinctness
»You are not named after your father then«
»No after my grandfather He sells knives and razors and scissors my
grandfather does« said Jacob wishing to impress the stranger with that high
connection »He gave me this knife« Here a pocketknife was drawn forth and
the small fingers both naturally and artificially dark opened two blades and a
corkscrew with much quickness
»Is not that a dangerous plaything« said Deronda turning to the
grandmother
»Hell never hurt himself bless you« said she contemplating her grandson
with placid rapture
»Have you got a knife« says Jacob coming closer His small voice was
hoarse in its glibness as if it belonged to an aged commercial soul fatigued
with bargaining through many generations
»Yes Do you want to see it« said Deronda taking a small penknife from his
waistcoatpocket
Jacob seized it immediately and retreated a little holding the two knives
in his palms and bending over them in meditative comparison By this time the
other clients were gone and the whole family had gathered to the spot
centering their attention on the marvellous Jacob the father mother and
grandmother behind the counter with baby held staggering thereon and the
little girl in front leaning at her brothers elbow to assist him in looking at
the knives
»Mines the best« said Jacob at last returning Derondas knife as if he
had been entertaining the idea of exchange and had rejected it
Father and mother laughed aloud with delight »You wont find Jacob choosing
the worst« said Mr Cohen winking with much confidence in the customers
admiration Deronda looking at the grandmother who had only an inward silent
laugh said
»Are these the only grandchildren you have«
»All This is my only son« she answered in a communicative tone Derondas
glance and manner as usual conveying the impression of sympathetic interest
which on this occasion answered his purpose well It seemed to come naturally
enough that he should say
»And you have no daughter«
There was an instantaneous change in the mothers face Her lips closed more
firmly she looked down swept her hands outward on the counter and finally
turned her back on Deronda to examine some Indian handkerchiefs that hung in
pawn behind her Her son gave a significant glance set up his shoulders an
instant and just put his finger to his lips then said quickly »I think
youre a firstrate gentleman in the city sir if I may be allowed to guess«
»No« said Deronda with a preoccupied air »I have nothing to do with the
city«
»Thats a bad job I thought you might be the young principal of a
firstrate firm« said Mr Cohen wishing to make amends for the check on his
customers natural desire to know more of him and his »But you understand
silverwork I see«
»A little« said Deronda taking up the clasps a moment and laying them down
again That unwelcome bit of circumstantial evidence had made his mind busy with
a plan which was certainly more like acting than anything he had been aware of
in his own conduct before But the bare possibility that more knowledge might
nullify the evidence now overpowered the inclination to rest in uncertainty
»To tell you the truth« he went on »my errand is not so much to buy as to
borrow I daresay you go into rather heavy transactions occasionally«
»Well sir Ive accommodated gentlemen of distinction Im proud to say
it I wouldnt exchange my business with any in the world Theres none more
honourable nor more charitable nor more necessary for all classes from the
good lady who wants a little of the ready for the baker to a gentleman like
yourself sir who may want it for amusement I like my business I like my
street and I like my shop I wouldnt have it a door further down And I
wouldnt be without a pawnshop sir to be the Lord Mayor It puts you in
connection with the world at large I say its like the Government revenue it
embraces the brass as well as the gold of the country And a man who doesnt get
money sir cant accommodate Now what can I do for you sir«
If an amiable selfsatisfaction is the mark of earthly bliss Solomon in all
his glory was a pitiable mortal compared with Mr Cohen clearly one of those
persons who being in excellent spirits about themselves are willing to cheer
strangers by letting them know it While he was delivering himself with lively
rapidity he took the baby from his wife and holding it on his arm presented his
features to be explored by its small fists Deronda not in a cheerful mood was
rashly pronouncing this Ezra Cohen to be the most unpoetic Jew he had ever met
with in books or life his phraseology was as little as possible like that of
the Old Testament and no shadow of a Suffering Race distinguished his vulgarity
of soul from that of a prosperous pinkandwhite huckster of the purest English
lineage It is naturally a Christian feeling that a Jew ought not to be
conceited However this was no reason for not persevering in his project and
he answered at once in adventurous ignorance of technicalities
»I have a fine diamond ring to offer as security not with me at this
moment unfortunately for I am not in the habit of wearing it But I will come
again this evening and bring it with me Fifty pounds at once would be a
convenience to me«
»Well you know this evening is the Sabbath young gentleman« said Cohen
»and I go to the Shool The shop will be closed But accommodation is a work of
charity if you cant get here before and are any ways pressed why Ill look
at your diamond Youre perhaps from the West End a longish drive«
»Yes and your Sabbath begins early at this season I could be here by five
will that do« Deronda had not been without hope that by asking to come on a
Friday evening he might get a better opportunity of observing points in the
family character and might even be able to put some decisive question
Cohen assented but here the marvellous Jacob whose physique supported a
precocity that would have shattered a Gentile of his years showed that he had
been listening with much comprehension by saying »You are coming again Have
you got any more knives at home«
»I think I have one« said Deronda smiling down at him
»Has it two blades and a hook and a white handle like that« said Jacob
pointing to the waistcoatpocket
»I daresay it has«
»Do you like a corkscrew« said Jacob exhibiting that article in his own
knife again and looking up with serious inquiry
»Yes« said Deronda experimentally
»Bring your knife then and well shwop« said Jacob returning the knife
to his pocket and stamping about with the sense that he had concluded a good
transaction
The grandmother had now recovered her usual manners and the whole family
watched Deronda radiantly when he caressingly lifted the little girl to whom he
had not hitherto given attention and seating her on the counter asked for her
name also She looked at him in silence and put her fingers to her gold
earrings which he did not seem to have noticed
»Adelaide Rebekah is her name« said her mother proudly »Speak to the
gentleman lovey«
»Shlavm Shabbes fyock on« said Adelaide Rebekah
»Her Sabbath frock she means« said the father in explanation »Shell
have her Sabbath frock on this evening«
»And will you let me see you in it Adelaide« said Deronda with that
gentle intonation which came very easily to him
»Say yes lovey yes if you please sir« said her mother enchanted with
this handsome young gentleman who appreciated remarkable children
»And will you give me a kiss this evening« said Deronda with a hand on
each of her little brown shoulders
Adelaide Rebekah her miniature crinoline and monumental features
corresponded with the combination of her names immediately put up her lips to
pay the kiss in advance whereupon her father rising into still more glowing
satisfaction with the general meritoriousness of his circumstances and with the
stranger who was an admiring witness said cordially
»You see theres somebody will be disappointed if you dont come this
evening sir You wont mind sitting down in our family place and waiting a bit
for me if Im not in when you come sir Ill stretch a point to accommodate a
gent of your sort Bring the diamond and Ill see what I can do for you«
Deronda thus left the most favourable impression behind him as a
preparation for more easy intercourse But for his own part those amenities had
been carried on under the heaviest spirits If these were really Mirahs
relatives he could not imagine that even her fervid filial piety could give the
reunion with them any sweetness beyond such as could be found in the strict
fulfilment of a painful duty What did this vaunting brother need And with the
most favourable supposition about the hypothetic mother Deronda shrank from the
image of a first meeting between her and Mirah and still more from the idea of
Mirahs domestication with this family He took refuge in disbelief To find an
Ezra Cohen when the name was running in your head was no more extraordinary than
to find a Josiah Smith under like circumstances and as to the coincidence about
the daughter it would probably turn out to be a difference If however
further knowledge confirmed the more undesirable conclusion what would be wise
expediency to try and determine the best consequences by concealment or to
brave other consequences for the sake of that openness which is the sweet fresh
air of our moral life
Chapter XXXIV
»Er ist geheissen
Israel Ihn hat verwandelt
Hexenspruch in einen Hund
Aber jeden Freitag Abend
In der Dämmrungstunde plötzlich
Weicht der Zauber und der Hund
Wird aufs Neu ein menschlich Wesen«
Heine Prinzessin Sabbath
When Deronda arrived at five oclock the shop was closed and the door was
opened for him by the Christian servant When she showed him into the room
behind the shop he was surprised at the prettiness of the scene The house was
old and rather extensive at the back probably the large room he now entered
was gloomy by daylight but now it was agreeably lit by a fine old brass lamp
with seven oillights hanging above the snowwhite cloth spread on the central
table The ceiling and walls were smoky and all the surroundings were dark
enough to throw into relief the human figures which had a Venetian glow of
colouring The grandmother was arrayed in yellowish brown with a large gold
chain in lieu of the necklace and by this light her yellow face with its
darklymarked eyebrows and framing roll of grey hair looked as handsome as was
necessary for picturesque effect Young Mrs Cohen was clad in red and black
with a string of large artificial pearls wound round and round her neck the
baby lay asleep in the cradle under a scarlet counterpane Adelaide Rebekah was
in braided amber and Jacob Alexander was in black velveteen with scarlet
stockings As the four pairs of black eyes all glistened a welcome at Deronda
he was almost ashamed of the supercilious dislike these happylooking creatures
had raised in him by daylight Nothing could be more cordial than the greeting
he received and both mother and grandmother seemed to gather more dignity from
being seen on the private hearth showing hospitality He looked round with some
wonder at the old furniture the oaken bureau and high side table must surely be
mere matters of chance and economy and not due to the family taste A large
dish of blueandyellow ware was set up on the side table and flanking it were
two old silver vessels in front of them a large volume in darkened vellum with
a deepribbed back In the corner at the farther end was an open door into an
inner room where there was also a light
Deronda took in these details by parenthetic glances while he met Jacobs
pressing solicitude about the knife He had taken the pains to buy one with the
requisites of the hook and white handle and produced it on demand saying
»Is that the sort of thing you want Jacob«
It was subjected to a severe scrutiny the hook and blades were opened and
the article of barter with the corkscrew was drawn forth for comparison
»Why do you like a hook better than a corkscrew« said Deronda
»Caush I can get hold of things with a hook A corkscrew wont go into
anything but corks But its better for you you can draw corks«
»You agree to change then« said Deronda observing that the grandmother
was listening with delight
»What else have you got in your pockets« said Jacob with deliberative
seriousness
»Hush hush Jacob love« said the grandmother And Deronda mindful of
discipline answered
»I think I must not tell you that Our business was with the knives«
Jacob looked up into his face scanningly for a moment or two and apparently
arriving at his conclusions said gravely
»Ill shwop« handing the corkscrew knife to Deronda who pocketed it with
corresponding gravity
Immediately the small son of Shem ran off into the next room whence his
voice was heard in rapid chat and then ran back again when seeing his father
enter he seized a little velveteen hat which lay on a chair and put it on to
approach him Cohen kept on his own hat and took no notice of the visitor but
stood still while the two children went up to him and clasped his knees then he
laid his hands on each in turn and uttered his Hebrew benediction whereupon the
wife who had lately taken baby from the cradle brought it up to her husband and
held it under his outstretched hands to be blessed in its sleep For the moment
Deronda thought that this pawnbroker proud of his vocation was not utterly
prosaic
»Well sir you found your welcome in my family I think« said Cohen
putting down his hat and becoming his former self »And youve been punctual
Nothing like a little stress here« he added tapping his side pocket as he sat
down »Its good for us all in our turn Ive felt it when Ive had to make up
payments I began early had to turn myself about and put myself into shapes to
fit every sort of box Its bracing to the mind Now then let us see let us
see«
»That is the ring I spoke of« said Deronda taking it from his finger »I
believe it cost a hundred pounds It will be a sufficient pledge to you for
fifty I think I shall probably redeem it in a month or so«
Cohens glistening eyes seemed to get a little nearer together as he met the
ingenuous look of this crude young gentleman who apparently supposed that
redemption was a satisfaction to pawnbrokers He took the ring examined and
returned it saying with indifference »Good good Well talk of it after our
meal Perhaps youll join us if youve no objection Me and my wifell feel
honoured and so will mother wont you mother«
The invitation was doubly echoed and Deronda gladly accepted it All now
turned and stood round the table No dish was at present seen except one covered
with a napkin and Mrs Cohen had placed a china bowl near her husband that he
might wash his hands in it But after putting on his hat again he paused and
called in a loud voice »Mordecai«
Can this be part of the religious ceremony thought Deronda not knowing
what might be expected of the ancient hero But he heard a »Yes« from the next
room which made him look towards the open door and there to his astonishment
he saw the figure of the enigmatic Jew whom he had this morning met with in the
bookshop Their eyes met and Mordecai looked as much surprised as Deronda
neither in his surprise making any sign of recognition But when Mordecai was
seating himself at the end of the table he just bent his head to the guest in a
cold and distant manner as if the disappointment of the morning remained a
disagreeable association with this new acquaintance
Cohen now washed his hands pronouncing Hebrew words the while afterwards
he took off the napkin covering the dish and disclosed the two long flat loaves
besprinkled with seed the memorial of the manna that fed the wandering
forefathers and breaking off small pieces gave one to each of the family
including Adelaide Rebekah who stood on the chair with her whole length
exhibited in her ambercoloured garment her little Jewish nose lengthened by
compression of the lip in the effort to make a suitable appearance Cohen then
uttered another Hebrew blessing and after that the male heads were uncovered
all seated themselves and the meal went on without any peculiarity that
interested Deronda He was not very conscious of what dishes he ate from being
preoccupied with a desire to turn the conversation in a way that would enable
him to ask some leading question and also with thinking of Mordecai between
whom and himself there was an exchange of fascinated halffurtive glances
Mordecai had no handsome Sabbath garment but instead of the threadbare rusty
black coat of the morning he wore one of light drab which looked as if it had
once been a handsome loose paletot now shrunk with washing and this change of
clothing gave a still stronger accentuation to his darkhaired eager face
which might have belonged to the prophet Ezekiel also probably not modish in
the eyes of contemporaries It was noticeable that the thin tails of the fried
fish were given to Mordecai and in general the sort of share assigned to a poor
relation no doubt a »survival« of prehistoric practice not yet generally
admitted to be superstitious
Mr Cohen kept up the conversation with much liveliness introducing as
subjects always in taste the Jew is proud of his loyalty the Queen and the
Royal Family the Emperor and Empress of the French into which both
grandmother and wife entered with zest Mrs Cohen the younger showed an
accurate memory of distinguished birthdays and the elder assisted her son in
informing the guest of what occurred when the Emperor and Empress were in
England and visited the city ten years before
»I daresay you know all about it better than we do sir« said Cohen
repeatedly by way of preface to full information and the interesting
statements were kept up in a trio
»Our baby is named Eugenie Esther« said young Mrs Cohen vivaciously
»Its wonderful how the Emperors like a cousin of mine in the face« said
the grandmother »it struck me like lightning when I caught sight of him I
couldnt have thought it«
»Mother and me went to see the Emperor and Empress at the Crystal Palace«
said Mr Cohen »I had a fine piece of work to take care of mother she might
have been squeezed flat though she was pretty near as lusty then as she is
now I said if I had a hundred mothers Id never take one of em to see the
Emperor and Empress at the Crystal Palace again and you may think a man cant
afford it when hes got but one mother not if hed ever so big an insurance on
her« He stroked his mothers shoulder affectionately and chuckled a little at
his own humour
»Your mother has been a widow a long while perhaps« said Deronda seizing
his opportunity »That has made your care for her the more needful«
»Ay ay its a good many yorezeit since I had to manage for her and
myself« said Cohen quickly »I went early to it Its that makes you a sharp
knife«
»What does what makes a sharp knife father« said Jacob his cheek very
much swollen with sweetcake
The father winked at his guest and said »Having your nose put on the
grindstone«
Jacob slipped from his chair with the piece of sweetcake in his hand and
going close up to Mordecai who had been totally silent hitherto said »What
does that mean putting my nose to the grindstone«
»It means that you are to bear being hurt without making a noise« said
Mordecai turning his eyes benignantly on the small face close to his Jacob put
the corner of the cake into Mordecais mouth as an invitation to bite saying
meanwhile »I shant though« and keeping his eyes on the cake to observe how
much of it went in this act of generosity Mordecai took a bite and smiled
evidently meaning to please the lad and the little incident made them both look
more lovable Deronda however felt with some vexation that he had taken little
by his question
»I fancy that is the right quarter for learning« said he carrying on the
subject that he might have an excuse for addressing Mordecai to whom he turned
and said »You have been a great student I imagine«
»I have studied« was the quiet answer »And you You know German by the
book you were buying«
»Yes I have studied in Germany Are you generally engaged in bookselling«
said Deronda
»No I only go to Mr Rams shop every day to keep it while he goes to
meals« said Mordecai who was now looking at Deronda with what seemed a revival
of his original interest it seemed as if the face had some attractive
indication for him which now neutralised the former disappointment After a
slight pause he said »Perhaps you know Hebrew«
»I am sorry to say not at all«
Mordecais countenance fell he cast down his eyelids looking at his hands
which lay crossed before him and said no more Deronda had now noticed more
decisively than in their former interview a difficulty of breathing which he
thought must be a sign of consumption
»Ive had something else to do than to get booklearning« said Mr Cohen
»Ive had to make myself knowing about useful things I know stones well«
here he pointed to Derondas ring »Im not afraid of taking that ring of yours
at my own valuation But now« he added with a certain drop in his voice to a
lower more familiar nasal »what do you want for it«
»Fifty or sixty pounds« Deronda answered rather too carelessly
Cohen paused a little thrust his hands into his pockets fixed on Deronda a
pair of glistening eyes that suggested a miraculous guineapig and said
»Couldnt do you that Happy to oblige but couldnt go that lengths Forty
pound say forty Ill let you have forty on it«
Deronda was aware that Mordecai had looked up again at the words implying a
monetary affair and was now examining him again while he said »Very well I
shall redeem it in a month or so«
»Good Ill make you out the ticket byandby« said Cohen indifferently
Then he held up his finger as a sign that conversation must be deferred He
Mordecai and Jacob put on their hats and Cohen opened a thanksgiving which
was carried on by responses till Mordecai delivered himself alone at some
length in a solemn chanting tone with his chin slightly uplifted and his thin
hands clasped easily before him Not only in his accent and tone but in his
freedom from the selfconsciousness which has reference to others approbation
there could hardly have been a stronger contrast to the Jew at the other end of
the table It was an unaccountable conjunction the presence among these
common prosperous shopkeeping types of a man who in an emaciated threadbare
condition imposed a certain awe on Deronda and an embarrassment at not meeting
his expectations
No sooner had Mordecai finished his devotional strain than rising with a
slight bend of his head to the stranger he walked back into his room and shut
the door behind him
»That seems to be rather a remarkable man« said Deronda turning to Cohen
who immediately set up his shoulders put out his tongue slightly and tapped
his own brow It was clearly to be understood that Mordecai did not come up to
the standard of sanity which was set by Mr Cohens view of men and things
»Does he belong to your family« said Deronda
This idea appeared to be rather ludicrous to the ladies as well as to Cohen
and the family interchanged looks of amusement
»No no« said Cohen »Charity charity He worked for me and when he got
weaker and weaker I took him in Hes an encumbrance but he brings a blessing
down and he teaches the boy Besides he does the repairing at the watches and
jewellery«
Deronda hardly abstained from smiling at this mixture of kindliness and the
desire to justify it in the light of a calculation but his willingness to speak
further of Mordecai whose character was made the more enigmatically striking by
these new details was baffled Mr Cohen immediately dismissed the subject by
reverting to the »accommodation« which was also an act of charity and
proceeded to make out the ticket get the forty pounds and present them both in
exchange for the diamond ring Deronda feeling that it would be hardly delicate
to protract his visit beyond the settlement of the business which was its
pretext had to take his leave with no more decided result than the advance of
forty pounds and the pawnticket in his breastpocket to make a reason for
returning when he came up to town after Christmas He was resolved that he would
then endeavour to gain a little more insight into the character and history of
Mordecai from whom also he might gather something decisive about the Cohens
for example the reason why it was forbidden to ask Mrs Cohen the elder whether
she had a daughter
Book V
Mordecai
Chapter XXXV
Were uneasiness of conscience measured by extent of crime human
history had been different and one should look to see the
contrivers of greedy wars and the mighty marauders of the
moneymarket in one troop of selflacerating penitents with the
meaner robber and cutpurse and the murderer that doth his butchery
in small with his own hand No doubt wickedness hath its rewards to
distribute but whoso wins in this devils game must needs be baser
more cruel more brutal than the order of this planet will allow for
the multitude born of woman the most of these carrying a form of
conscience a fear which is the shadow of justice a pity which is
the shadow of love that hindereth from the prize of serene
wickedness itself difficult of maintenance in our composite flesh
On the 29th of December Deronda knew that the Grandcourts had arrived at the
Abbey but he had had no glimpse of them before he went to dress for dinner
There had been a splendid fall of snow allowing the party of children the rare
pleasures of snowballing and snowbuilding and in the Christmas holidays the
Mallinger girls were content with no amusement unless it were joined in and
managed by »cousin« as they had always called Deronda After that outdoor
exertion he had been playing billiards and thus the hours had passed without
his dwelling at all on the prospect of meeting Gwendolen at dinner Nevertheless
that prospect was interesting to him and when a little tired and heated with
working at amusement he went to his room before the halfhour bell had rung he
began to think of it with some speculation on the sort of influence her marriage
with Grandcourt would have on her and on the probability that there would be
some discernible shades of change in her manner since he saw her at Diplow just
as there had been since his first vision of her at Leubronn
»I fancy there are some natures one could see growing or degenerating every
day if one watched them« was his thought »I suppose some of us go on faster
than others and I am sure she is a creature who keeps strong traces of anything
that has once impressed her That little affair of the necklace and the idea
that somebody thought her gambling wrong had evidently bitten into her But
such impressibility tells both ways it may drive one to desperation as soon as
to anything better And whatever fascinations Grandcourt may have for capricious
tastes good heavens who can believe that he would call out the tender
affections in daily companionship One might be tempted to horsewhip him for the
sake of getting some show of passion into his face and speech Im afraid she
married him out of ambition to escape poverty But why did she run out of his
way at first The poverty came after though Poor thing she may have been
urged into it How can one feel anything else than pity for a young creature
like that full of unused life ignorantly rash hanging all her blind
expectations on that remnant of a human being«
Doubtless the phrases which Derondas meditation applied to the bridegroom
were the less complimentary for the excuses and pity in which it clad the bride
His notion of Grandcourt as a »remnant« was founded on no particular knowledge
but simply on the impression which ordinary polite intercourse had given him
that Grandcourt had worn out all his natural healthy interest in things
In general one may be sure that whenever a marriage of any mark takes
place male acquaintances are likely to pity the bride female acquaintances the
bridegroom each it is thought might have done better and especially where
the bride is charming young gentlemen on the scene are apt to conclude that she
can have no real attachment to a fellow so uninteresting to themselves as her
husband but has married him on other grounds Who under such circumstances
pities the husband Even his female friends are apt to think his position
retributive he should have chosen some one else But perhaps Deronda may be
excused that he did not prepare any pity for Grandcourt who had never struck
acquaintances as likely to come out of his experiences with more suffering than
he inflicted whereas for Gwendolen young headlong eager for pleasure fed
with the flattery which makes a lovely girl believe in her divine right to rule
how quickly might life turn from expectancy to a bitter sense of the
irremediable After what he had seen of her he must have had rather dull
feelings not to have looked forward with some interest to her entrance into the
room Still since the honeymoon was already three weeks in the distance and
Gwendolen had been enthroned not only at Ryelands but at Diplow she was likely
to have composed her countenance with suitable manifestation or concealment not
being one who would indulge the curious by a helpless exposure of her feelings
A various party had been invited to meet the new couple the old aristocracy
was represented by Lord and Lady Pentreath the old gentry by young Mr and Mrs
Fitzadam of the Worcestershire branch of the Fitzadams politics and the public
good as specialised in the cider interest by Mr Fenn member for West
Orchards accompanied by his two daughters Lady Mallingers family by her
brother Mr Raymond and his wife the useful bachelor element by Mr Sinker
the eminent counsel and by Mr Vandernoodt whose acquaintance Sir Hugo had
found pleasant enough at Leubronn to be adopted in England
All had assembled in the drawingroom before the new couple appeared
Meanwhile the time was being passed chiefly in noticing the children various
little Raymonds nephews and nieces of Lady Mallingers with her own three
girls who were always allowed to appear at this hour The scene was really
delightful enlarged by fulllength portraits with deep backgrounds inserted
in the cedar panelling surmounted by a ceiling that glowed with the rich
colours of the coats of arms ranged between the sockets illuminated almost as
much by the red fire of oakboughs as by the pale waxlights stilled by the
deeppiled carpet and by the high English breeding that subdues all voices
while the mixture of ages from the whitehaired Lord and Lady Pentreath to the
fouryearold Edgar Raymond gave a varied charm to the living groups Lady
Mallinger with fair matronly roundness and mildly prominent blue eyes moved
about in her black velvet carrying a tiny white dog on her arm as a sort of
finish to her costume the children were scattered among the ladies while most
of the gentlemen were standing rather aloof conversing with that very moderate
vivacity observable during the long minutes before dinner Deronda was a little
out of the circle in a dialogue fixed upon him by Mr Vandernoodt a man of the
best Dutch blood imported at the revolution for the rest one of those
commodious persons in society who are nothing particular themselves but are
understood to be acquainted with the best in every department closeclipped
paleeyed nonchalant as good a foil as could well be found to the intense
colouring and vivid gravity of Deronda
He was talking of the bride and bridegroom whose appearance was being
waited for Mr Vandernoodt was an industrious gleaner of personal details and
could probably tell everything about a great philosopher or physicist except his
theories or discoveries he was now implying that he had learned many facts
about Grandcourt since meeting him at Leubronn
»Men who have seen a good deal of life dont always end by choosing their
wives so well He has had rather an anecdotic history gone rather deep into
pleasures I fancy lazy as he is But of course you know all about him«
»No really« said Deronda in an indifferent tone »I know little more of
him than that he is Sir Hugos nephew«
But now the door opened and deferred any satisfaction of Mr Vandernoodts
communicativeness
The scene was one to set off any figure of distinction that entered on it
and certainly when Mr and Mrs Grandcourt entered no beholder could deny that
their figures had distinction The bridegroom had neither more nor less easy
perfection of costume neither more nor less wellcut impassibility of face
than before his marriage It was to be supposed of him that he would put up with
nothing less than the best in outward equipment wife included and the bride
was what he might have been expected to choose »By George I think shes
handsomer if anything« said Mr Vandernoodt And Deronda was of the same
opinion but he said nothing The white silk and diamonds it may seem strange
but she did wear the diamonds on her neck in her ears in her hair might have
something to do with the new imposingness of her beauty which flashed on him as
more unquestionable if not more thoroughly satisfactory than when he had first
seen her at the gamingtable Some faces which are peculiar in their beauty are
like original works of art for the first time they are almost always met with
question But in seeing Gwendolen at Diplow Deronda had discerned in her more
than he had expected of that tender appealing charm which we call womanly Was
there any new change since then He distrusted his impressions but as he saw
her receiving greetings with what seemed a proud cold quietude and a
superficial smile there seemed to be at work within her the same demonic force
that had possessed her when she took him in her resolute glance and turned away
a loser from the gamingtable There was no time for more of a conclusion no
time even for him to give his greeting before the summons to dinner
He sat not far from opposite to her at table and could sometimes hear what
she said in answer to Sir Hugo who was at his liveliest in conversation with
her but though he looked towards her with the intention of bowing she gave him
no opportunity of doing so for some time At last Sir Hugo who might have
imagined that they had already spoken to each other said »Deronda you will
like to hear what Mrs Grandcourt tells me about your favourite Klesmer«
Gwendolens eyelids had been lowered and Deronda already looking at her
thought he discovered a quivering reluctance as she was obliged to raise them
and return his unembarrassed bow and smile her own smile being one of the lip
merely It was but an instant and Sir Hugo continued without pause
»The Arrowpoints have condoned the marriage and he is spending the
Christmas with his bride at Quetcham«
»I suppose he will be glad of it for the sake of his wife else I daresay he
would not have minded keeping at a distance« said Deronda
»Its a sort of troubadour story« said Lady Pentreath an easy deepvoiced
old lady »Im glad to find a little romance left among us I think our young
people now are getting too worldly wise«
»It shows the Arrowpoints good sense however to have adopted the affair
after the fuss in the papers« said Sir Hugo »And disowning your own child
because of a mésalliance is something like disowning your one eye everybody
knows its yours and you have no other to make an appearance with«
»As to mésalliance theres no blood on any side« said Lady Pentreath »Old
Admiral Arrowpoint was one of Nelsons men you know a doctors son And we
all know how the mothers money came«
»If there were any mésalliance in the case I should say it was on Klesmers
side« said Deronda
»Ah you think it is a case of the immortal marrying the mortal What is
your opinion« said Sir Hugo looking at Gwendolen
»I have no doubt that Herr Klesmer thinks himself immortal But I daresay
his wife will burn as much incense before him as he requires« said Gwendolen
She had recovered any composure that she might have lost
»Dont you approve of a wife burning incense before her husband« said Sir
Hugo with an air of jocoseness
»Oh yes« said Gwendolen »if it were only to make others believe in him«
She paused a moment and then said with more gaiety »When Herr Klesmer admires
his own genius it will take off some of the absurdity if his wife says Amen«
»Klesmer is no favourite of yours I see« said Sir Hugo
»I think very highly of him I assure you« said Gwendolen »His genius is
quite above my judgment and I know him to be exceedingly generous«
She spoke with the sudden seriousness which is often meant to correct an
unfair or indiscreet sally having a bitterness against Klesmer in her secret
soul which she knew herself unable to justify Deronda was wondering what he
should have thought of her if he had never heard of her before probably that
she put on a little hardness and defiance by way of concealing some painful
consciousness if indeed he could imagine her manners otherwise than in the
light of his suspicion But why did she not recognise him with more
friendliness
Sir Hugo by way of changing the subject said to her »Is not this a
beautiful room It was part of the refectory of the Abbey There was a division
made by those pillars and the three arches and afterwards they were built up
Else it was half as large again originally There used to be rows of
Benedictines sitting where we are sitting Suppose we were suddenly to see the
lights burning low and the ghosts of the old monks rising behind all our
chairs«
»Please dont« said Gwendolen with a playful shudder »It is very nice to
come after ancestors and monks but they should know their places and keep
underground I should be rather frightened to go about this house all alone I
suppose the old generations must be angry with us because we have altered things
so much«
»Oh the ghosts must be of all political parties« said Sir Hugo »And those
fellows who wanted to change things while they lived and couldnt do it must be
on our side But if you would not like to go over the house alone you will like
to go in company I hope You and Grandcourt ought to see it all And we will
ask Deronda to go round with us He is more learned about it than I am« The
baronet was in the most complaisant of humours
Gwendolen stole a glance at Deronda who must have heard what Sir Hugo said
for he had his face turned towards them helping himself to an entrée but he
looked as impassive as a picture At the notion of Derondas showing her and
Grandcourt the place which was to be theirs and which she with painful emphasis
remembered might have been his perhaps if others had acted differently
certain thoughts had rushed in thoughts often repeated within her but now
returning on an occasion embarrassingly new and she was conscious of something
furtive and awkward in her glance which Sir Hugo must have noticed With her
usual readiness of resource against betrayal she said playfully »You dont
know how much I am afraid of Mr Deronda«
»Hows that Because you think him too learned« said Sir Hugo whom the
peculiarity of her glance had not escaped
»No It is ever since I first saw him at Leubronn Because when he came to
look on at the roulettetable I began to lose He cast an evil eye on my play
He didnt approve it He has told me so And now whatever I do before him I am
afraid he will cast an evil eye upon it«
»Gad Im rather afraid of him myself when he doesnt approve« said Sir
Hugo glancing at Deronda and then turning his face towards Gwendolen he said
less audibly »I dont think ladies generally object to have his eyes upon
them« The baronets small chronic complaint of facetiousness was at this moment
almost as annoying to Gwendolen as it often was to Deronda
»I object to any eyes that are critical« she said in a cool high voice
with a turn of her neck »Are there many of these old rooms left in the Abbey«
»Not many There is a fine cloistered court with a long gallery above it
But the finest bit of all is turned into stables It is part of the old church
When I improved the place I made the most of every other bit but it was out of
my reach to change the stables so the horses have the benefit of the fine old
choir You must go and see it«
»I shall like to see the horses as well as the building« said Gwendolen
»Oh I have no stud to speak of Grandcourt will look with contempt at my
horses« said Sir Hugo »Ive given up hunting and go on in a jogtrot way as
becomes an old gentleman with daughters The fact is I went in for doing too
much at this place We all lived at Diplow for two years while the alterations
were going on Do you like Diplow«
»Not particularly« said Gwendolen with indifference One would have
thought that the young lady had all her life had more family seats than she
cared to go to
»Ah it will not do after Ryelands« said Sir Hugo well pleased
»Grandcourt I know took it for the sake of the hunting But he found something
so much better there« added the baronet lowering his voice »that he might
well prefer it to any other place in the world«
»It has one attraction for me« said Gwendolen passing over this compliment
with a chill smile »that it is within reach of Offendene«
»I understand that« said Sir Hugo and then let the subject drop
What amiable baronet can escape the effect of a strong desire for a
particular possession Sir Hugo would have been glad that Grandcourt with or
without reason should prefer any other place to Diplow but inasmuch as in the
pure process of wishing we can always make the conditions of our gratification
benevolent he did wish that Grandcourts convenient disgust for Diplow should
not be associated with his marriage of this very charming bride Gwendolen was
much to the baronets taste but as he observed afterwards to Lady Mallinger
he should never have taken her for a young girl who had married beyond her
expectations
Deronda had not heard much of this conversation having given his attention
elsewhere but the glimpses he had of Gwendolens manner deepened the impression
that it had something newly artificial
Later in the drawingroom Deronda at somebodys request sat down to the
piano and sang Afterwards Mrs Raymond took his place and on rising he
observed that Gwendolen had left her seat and had come to this end of the room
as if to listen more fully but was now standing with her back to every one
apparently contemplating a fine cowled head carved in ivory which hung over a
small table He longed to go to her and speak Why should he not obey such an
impulse as he would have done towards any other lady in the room Yet he
hesitated some moments observing the graceful lines of her back but not
moving
If you have any reason for not indulging a wish to speak to a fair woman it
is a bad plan to look long at her back the wish to see what it screens becomes
the stronger There may be a very sweet smile on the other side Deronda ended
by going to the end of the small table at right angles to Gwendolens position
but before he could speak she had turned on him no smile but such an appealing
look of sadness so utterly different from the chill effort of her recognition
at table that his speech was checked For what was an appreciable space of time
to both though the observation of others could not have measured it they
looked at each other she seeming to take the deep rest of confession he with
an answering depth of sympathy that neutralised other feelings
»Will you not join in the music« he said by way of meeting the necessity
for speech
That her look of confession had been involuntary was shown by that just
perceptible shake and change of countenance with which she roused herself to
reply calmly »I join in it by listening I am fond of music«
»Are you not a musician«
»I have given a great deal of time to music But I have not talent enough to
make it worth while I shall never sing again«
»But if you are fond of music it will always be worth while in private for
your own delight I make it a virtue to be content with my middlingness« said
Deronda smiling »it is always pardonable so that one does not ask others to
take it for superiority«
»I cannot imitate you« said Gwendolen recovering her tone of artificial
vivacity »To be middling with me is another phrase for being dull And the
worst fault I have to find with the world is that it is dull Do you know I am
going to justify gambling in spite of you It is a refuge from dulness«
»I dont admit the justification« said Deronda »I think what we call the
dulness of things is a disease in ourselves Else how could any one find an
intense interest in life And many do«
»Ah I see The fault I find in the world is my own fault« said Gwendolen
smiling at him Then after a moment looking up at the ivory again she said
»Do you never find fault with the world or with others«
»Oh yes When I am in a grumbling mood«
»And hate people Confess you hate them when they stand in your way when
their gain is your loss That is your own phrase you know«
»We are often standing in each others way when we cant help it I think it
is stupid to hate people on that ground«
»But if they injure you and could have helped it« said Gwendolen with a
hard intensity unaccountable in incidental talk like this
Deronda wondered at her choice of subjects A painful impression arrested
his answer a moment but at last he said with a graver deeper intonation »Why
then after all I prefer my place to theirs«
»There I believe you are right« said Gwendolen with a sudden little laugh
and turned to join the group at the piano
Deronda looked round for Grandcourt wondering whether he followed his
brides movements with any attention but it was rather undiscerning in him to
suppose that he could find out the fact Grandcourt had a delusive mood of
observing whatever had an interest for him which could be surpassed by no
sleepyeyed animal on the watch for prey At that moment he was plunged in the
depth of an easychair being talked to by Mr Vandernoodt who apparently
thought the acquaintance of such a bridegroom worth cultivating and an
incautious person might have supposed it safe to telegraph secrets in front of
him the common prejudice being that your quick observer is one whose eyes have
quick movements Not at all If you want a respectable witness who will see
nothing inconvenient choose a vivacious gentleman very much on the alert with
two eyes wide open a glass in one of them and an entire impartiality as to the
purpose of looking If Grandcourt cared to keep any one under his power he saw
them out of the corners of his long narrow eyes and if they went behind him he
had a constructive process by which he knew what they were doing there He knew
perfectly well where his wife was and how she was behaving Was he going to be
a jealous husband Deronda imagined that to be likely but his imagination was
as much astray about Grandcourt as it would have been about an unexplored
continent where all the species were peculiar He did not conceive that he
himself was a likely subject of jealousy or that he should give any pretext for
it but the suspicion that a wife is not happy naturally leads one to speculate
on the husbands private deportment and Deronda found himself after one oclock
in the morning in the rather ludicrous position of sitting up severely holding a
Hebrew grammar in his hands for somehow in deference to Mordecai he had begun
to study Hebrew with the consciousness that he had been in that attitude
nearly an hour and had thought of nothing but Gwendolen and her husband To be
an unusual young man means for the most part to get a difficult mastery over the
usual which is often like the sprite of illluck you pack up your goods to
escape from and see grinning at you from the top of your luggagevan The
peculiarities of Derondas nature had been acutely touched by the brief
incidents and words which made the history of his intercourse with Gwendolen
and this evenings slight addition had given them an importunate recurrence It
was not vanity it was ready sympathy that had made him alive to a certain
appealingness in her behaviour towards him and the difficulty with which she
had seemed to raise her eyes to bow to him in the first instance was to be
interpreted now by that unmistakeable look of involuntary confidence which she
had afterwards turned on him under the consciousness of his approach
»What is the use of it all« thought Deronda as he threw down his grammar
and began to undress »I cant do anything to help her nobody can if she has
found out her mistake already And it seems to me that she has a dreary lack of
the ideas that might help her Strange and piteous to think what a centre of
wretchedness a delicate piece of human flesh like that might be wrapped round
with fine raiment her ears pierced for gems her head held loftily her mouth
all smiling pretence the poor soul within her sitting in sick distaste of all
things But what do I know of her There may be a demon in her to match the
worst husband for what I can tell She was clearly an illeducated worldly
girl perhaps she is a coquette«
This last reflection not much believed in was a selfadministered dose of
caution prompted partly by Sir Hugos muchcontemned joking on the subject of
flirtation Deronda resolved not to volunteer any têteàtête with Gwendolen
during the few days of her stay at the Abbey and he was capable of keeping a
resolve in spite of much inclination to the contrary
But a man cannot resolve about a womans actions least of all about those
of a woman like Gwendolen in whose nature there was a combination of proud
reserve with rashness of perilouslypoised terror with defiance which might
alternately flatter and disappoint control Few words could less represent her
than »coquette« She had a native love of homage and belief in her own power
but no cold artifice for the sake of enslaving And the poor things belief in
her power with her other dreams before marriage had often to be thrust aside
now like the toys of a sick child which it looks at with dull eyes and has no
heart to play with however it may try
The next day at lunch Sir Hugo said to her »The thaw has gone on like
magic and its so pleasant out of doors just now shall we go and see the
stables and the other old bits about the place«
»Yes pray« said Gwendolen »You will like to see the stables Henleigh«
she added looking at her husband
»Uncommonly« said Grandcourt with an indifference which seemed to give
irony to the word as he returned her look It was the first time Deronda had
seen them speak to each other since their arrival and he thought their exchange
of looks as cold and official as if it had been a ceremony to keep up a charter
Still the English fondness for reserve will account for much negation and
Grandcourts manners with an extra veil of reserve over them might be expected
to present the extreme type of the national taste
»Who else is inclined to make the tour of the house and premises« said Sir
Hugo »The ladies must muffle themselves there is only just about time to do it
well before sunset You will go Dan wont you«
»Oh yes« said Deronda carelessly knowing that Sir Hugo would think any
excuse disobliging
»All meet in the library then when they are ready say in half an hour«
said the baronet Gwendolen made herself ready with wonderful quickness and in
ten minutes came down into the library in her sables plume and little thick
boots As soon as she entered the room she was aware that some one else was
there it was precisely what she had hoped for Deronda was standing with his
back towards her at the far end of the room and was looking over a newspaper
How could little thick boots make any noise on an Axminster carpet And to cough
would have seemed an intended signalling which her pride could not condescend
to also she felt bashful about walking up to him and letting him know that she
was there though it was her hunger to speak to him which had set her
imagination on constructing this chance of finding him and had made her hurry
down as birds hover near the water which they dare not drink Always uneasily
dubious about his opinion of her she felt a peculiar anxiety today lest he
might think of her with contempt as one triumphantly conscious of being
Grandcourts wife the future lady of this domain It was her habitual effort
now to magnify the satisfactions of her pride on which she nourished her
strength but somehow Derondas being there disturbed them all There was not
the faintest touch of coquetry in the attitude of her mind towards him he was
unique to her among men because he had impressed her as being not her admirer
but her superior in some mysterious way he was becoming a part of her
conscience as one woman whose nature is an object of reverential belief may
become a new conscience to a man
And now he would not look round and find out that she was there The paper
crackled in his hand his head rose and sank exploring those stupid columns
and he was evidently stroking his beard as if this world were a very easy
affair to her Of course all the rest of the company would soon be down and the
opportunity of her saying something to efface her flippancy of the evening
before would be quite gone She felt sick with irritation so fast do young
creatures like her absorb misery through invisible suckers of their own fancies
and her face had gathered that peculiar expression which comes with a
mortification to which tears are forbidden
At last he threw down the paper and turned round
»Oh you are there already« he said coming forward a step or two »I must
go and put on my coat«
He turned aside and walked out of the room This was behaving quite badly
Mere politeness would have made him stay to exchange some words before leaving
her alone It was true that Grandcourt came in with Sir Hugo immediately after
so that the words must have been too few to be worth anything As it was they
saw him walking from the library door
»A you look rather ill« said Grandcourt going straight up to her
standing in front of her and looking into her eyes »Do you feel equal to the
walk«
»Yes I shall like it« said Gwendolen without the slightest movement
except this of the lips
»We could put off going over the house you know and only go out of doors«
said Sir Hugo kindly while Grandcourt turned aside
»Oh dear no« said Gwendolen speaking with determination »let us put off
nothing I want a long walk«
The rest of the walking party two ladies and two gentlemen besides Deronda
had now assembled and Gwendolen rallying went with due cheerfulness by the
side of Sir Hugo paying apparently an equal attention to the commentaries
Deronda was called upon to give on the various architectural fragments and to
Sir Hugos reasons for not attempting to remedy the mixture of the undisguised
modern with the antique which in his opinion only made the place the more
truly historical On their way to the buttery and kitchen they took the outside
of the house and paused before a beautiful pointed doorway which was the only
old remnant in the east front
»Well now to my mind« said Sir Hugo »that is more interesting standing
as it is in the middle of what is frankly four centuries later than if the
whole front had been dressed up in a pretence of the thirteenth century
Additions ought to smack of the time when they are made and carry the stamp of
their period I wouldnt destroy any old bits but that notion of reproducing
the old is a mistake I think At least if a man likes to do it he must pay for
his whistle Besides where are you to stop along that road making loopholes
where you dont want to peep and so on You may as well ask me to wear out the
stones with kneeling eh Grandcourt«
»A confounded nuisance« drawled Grandcourt »I hate fellows wanting to howl
litanies acting the greatest bores that have ever existed«
»Well yes thats what their romanticism must come to« said Sir Hugo in a
tone of confidential assent »that is if they carry it out logically«
»I think that way of arguing against a course because it may be ridden down
to an absurdity would soon bring life to a standstill« said Deronda »It is not
the logic of human action but of a roastingjack that must go on to the last
turn when it has been once wound up We can do nothing safely without some
judgment as to where we are to stop«
»I find the rule of the pocket the best guide« said Sir Hugo laughingly
»And as for most of your newold building you had need to hire men to scratch
and chip it all over artistically to give it an elderlylooking surface which
at the present rate of labour would not answer«
»Do you want to keep up the old fashions then Mr Deronda« said
Gwendolen taking advantage of the freedom of grouping to fall back a little
while Sir Hugo and Grandcourt went on
»Some of them I dont see why we should not use our choice there as we do
elsewhere or why either age or novelty by itself is an argument for or
against To delight in doing things because our fathers did them is good if it
shuts out nothing better it enlarges the range of affection and affection is
the broadest basis of good in life«
»Do you think so« said Gwendolen with a little surprise »I should have
thought you cared most about ideas knowledge wisdom and all that«
»But to care about them is a sort of affection« said Deronda smiling at
her sudden naïveté »Call it attachment interest willingness to bear a great
deal for the sake of being with them and saving them from injury Of course it
makes a difference if the objects of interest are human beings but generally in
all deep affections the objects are a mixture half persons and half ideas
sentiments and affections flow in together«
»I wonder whether I understand that« said Gwendolen putting up her chin in
her old saucy manner »I believe I am not very affectionate perhaps you mean to
tell me that is the reason why I dont see much good in life«
»No I did not mean to tell you that but I admit that I should think it
true if I believed what you say of yourself« said Deronda gravely
Here Sir Hugo and Grandcourt turned round and paused
»I never can get Mr Deronda to pay me a compliment« said Gwendolen »I
have quite a curiosity to see whether a little flattery can be extracted from
him«
»Ah« said Sir Hugo glancing at Deronda »the fact is it is hopeless to
flatter a bride We give it up in despair She has been so fed on sweet speeches
that everything we say seems tasteless«
»Quite true« said Gwendolen bending her head and smiling »Mr Grandcourt
won me by neatlyturned compliments If there had been one word out of place it
would have been fatal«
»Do you hear that« said Sir Hugo looking at the husband
»Yes« said Grandcourt without change of countenance »It is a deucedly
hard thing to keep up though«
All this seemed to Sir Hugo a natural playfulness between such a husband and
wife but Deronda wondered at the misleading alternations in Gwendolens manner
which at one moment seemed to invite sympathy by childlike indiscretion at
another to repel it by proud concealment He tried to keep out of her way by
devoting himself to Miss Juliet Fenn a young lady whose profile had been so
unfavourably decided by circumstances over which she had no control that
Gwendolen some months ago had felt it impossible to be jealous of her
Nevertheless when they were seeing the kitchen a part of the original building
in perfect preservation the depth of shadow in the niches of the stone walls
and groined vault the play of light from the huge glowing fire on polished tin
brass and copper the fine resonance that came with every sound of voice or
metal were all spoiled for Gwendolen and Sir Hugos speech about them was made
rather importunate because Deronda was discoursing to the other ladies and kept
at a distance from her It did not signify that the other gentlemen took the
opportunity of being near her of what use in the world was their admiration
while she had an uneasy sense that there was some standard in Derondas mind
which measured her into littleness Mr Vandernoodt who had the mania of always
describing one thing while you were looking at another was quite intolerable
with his insistance on Lord Bloughs kitchen which he had seen in the north
»Pray dont ask us to see two kitchens at once It makes the heat double I
must really go out of it« she cried at last marching resolutely into the open
air and leaving the others in the rear Grandcourt was already out and as she
joined him he said
»I wondered how long you meant to stay in that damned place« one of the
freedoms he had assumed as a husband being the use of his strongest epithets
Gwendolen turning to see the rest of the party approach said
»It was certainly rather too warm in ones wraps«
They walked on the gravel across a green court where the snow still lay in
islets on the grass and in masses on the boughs of the great cedar and the
crenelated coping of the stone walls and then into a larger court where there
was another cedar to find the beautiful choir long ago turned into stables in
the first instance perhaps after an impromptu fashion by troopers who had a
pious satisfaction in insulting the priests of Baal and the images of Ashtoreth
the queen of heaven The exterior its west end save for the stable door
walled in with brick and covered with ivy was much defaced maimed of finial
and gurgoyle the friable limestone broken and fretted and lending its soft
grey to a powdery dark lichen the long windows too were filled in with brick
as far as the springing of the arches the broad clerestory windows with wire or
ventilating blinds With the low wintry afternoon sun upon it sending shadows
from the cedar boughs and lighting up the touches of snow remaining on every
ledge it had still a scarcely disturbed aspect of antique solemnity which gave
the scene in the interior rather a startling effect though ecclesiastical or
reverential indignation apart the eyes could hardly help dwelling with pleasure
on its piquant picturesqueness Each finelyarched chapel was turned into a
stall where in the dusty glazing of the windows there still gleamed patches of
crimson orange blue and palest violet for the rest the choir had been
gutted the floor levelled paved and drained according to the most approved
fashion and a line of looseboxes erected in the middle a soft light fell from
the upper windows on sleek brown or grey flanks and haunches on mild equine
faces looking out with active nostrils over the varnished brown boarding on the
hay hanging from racks where the saints once looked down from the altarpieces
and on the pale golden straw scattered or in heaps on a little
whiteandlivercoloured spaniel making his bed on the back of an elderly
hackney and on four ancient angels still showing signs of devotion like
mutilated martyrs while over all the grand pointed roof untouched by
reforming wash showed its lines and colours mysteriously through veiling shadow
and cobweb and a hoof now and then striking against the boards seemed to fill
the vault with thunder while outside there was the answering bay of the
bloodhounds
»Oh this is glorious« Gwendolen burst forth in forgetfulness of
everything but the immediate impression there had been a little intoxication
for her in the grand spaces of courts and building and the fact of her being an
important person among them »This is glorious Only I wish there were a horse
in every one of the boxes I would ten times rather have these stables than
those at Diplow«
But she had no sooner said this than some consciousness arrested her and
involuntarily she turned her eyes towards Deronda who oddly enough had taken
off his felt hat and stood holding it before him as if they had entered a room
or an actual church He like others happened to be looking at her and their
eyes met to her intense vexation for it seemed to her that by looking at him
she had betrayed the reference of her thoughts and she felt herself blushing
she exaggerated the impression that even Sir Hugo as well as Deronda would have
of her bad taste in referring to the possession of anything at the Abbey as for
Deronda she had probably made him despise her Her annoyance at what she
imagined to be the obviousness of her confusion robbed her of her usual facility
in carrying it off by playful speech and turning up her face to look at the
roof she wheeled away in that attitude If any had noticed her blush as
significant they had certainly not interpreted it by the secret windings and
recesses of her feeling A blush is no language only a dubious flagsignal
which may mean either of two contradictories Deronda alone had a faint guess at
some part of her feeling but while he was observing her he was himself under
observation
»Do you take off your hat to the horses« said Grandcourt with a slight
sneer
»Why not« said Deronda covering himself He had really taken off the hat
automatically and if he had been an ugly man might doubtless have done so with
impunity ugliness having naturally the air of involuntary exposure and beauty
of display
Gwendolens confusion was soon merged in the survey of the horses which
Grandcourt politely abstained from appraising languidly assenting to Sir Hugos
alternate depreciation and eulogy of the same animal as one that he should not
have bought when he was younger and piqued himself on his horses but yet one
that had better qualities than many more expensive brutes
»The fact is stables dive deeper and deeper into the pocket nowadays and I
am very glad to have got rid of that démangeaison« said Sir Hugo as they were
coming out
»What is a man to do though« said Grandcourt »He ust ride I dont see
what else there is to do And I dont call it riding to sit astride a set of
brutes with every deformity under the sun«
This delicate diplomatic way of characterising Sir Hugos stud did not
require direct notice and the baronet feeling that the conversation had worn
rather thin said to the party generally »Now we are going to see the cloister
the finest bit of all in perfect preservation the monks might have been
walking there yesterday«
But Gwendolen had lingered behind to look at the kennelled bloodhounds
perhaps because she felt a little dispirited and Grandcourt waited for her
»You had better take my arm« he said in his low tone of command and she
took it
»Its a great bore being dragged about in this way and no cigar« said
Grandcourt
»I thought you would like it«
»Like it one eternal chatter And encouraging those ugly girls inviting
one to meet such monsters How that fat Deronda can bear looking at her «
»Why do you call him a fat Do you object to him so much«
»Object no What do I care about his being a fat Its of no consequence to
me Ill invite him to Diplow again if you like«
»I dont think he would come He is too clever and learned to care about us
« said Gwendolen thinking it useful for her husband to be told privately that
it was possible for him to be looked down upon
»I never saw that make much difference in a man Either he is a gentleman
or he is not« said Grandcourt
That a new husband and wife should snatch a moments têteàtête was what
could be understood and indulged and the rest of the party left them in the
rear till reentering the garden they all paused in that cloistered court
where among the falling rosepetals thirteen years before we saw a boy
becoming acquainted with his first sorrow This cloister was built of harder
stone than the church and had been in greater safety from the wearing weather
It was a rare example of a northern cloister with arched and pillared openings
not intended for glazing and the delicatelywrought foliage of the capitals
seemed still to carry the very touches of the chisel Gwendolen had dropped her
husbands arm and joined the other ladies to whom Deronda was noticing the
delicate sense which had combined freedom with accuracy in the imitation of
natural forms
»I wonder whether one oftener learns to love real objects through their
representations or the representations through the real objects« he said
after pointing out a lovely capital made by the curled leaves of greens showing
their reticulated underside with the firm gradual swell of its central rib
»When I was a little fellow these capitals taught me to observe and delight in
the structure of leaves«
»I suppose you can see every line of them with your eyes shut« said Juliet
Fenn
» Yes I was always repeating them because for a good many years this court
stood for me as my only image of a convent and whenever I read of monks and
monasteries this was my scenery for them«
»You must love this place very much« said Miss Fenn innocently not
thinking of inheritance »So many homes are like twenty others But this is
unique and you seem to know every cranny of it I daresay you could never love
another home so well«
»Oh I carry it with me« said Deronda quietly being used to all possible
thoughts of this kind »To most men their early home is no more than a memory of
their early years and Im not sure but they have the best of it The image is
never marred Theres no disappointment in memory and ones exaggerations are
always on the good side«
Gwendolen felt sure that he spoke in that way out of delicacy to her and
Grandcourt because he knew they must hear him and that he probably thought of
her as a selfish creature who only cared about possessing things in her own
person But whatever he might say it must have been a secret hardship to him
that any circumstances of his birth had shut him out from the inheritance of his
fathers position and if he supposed that she exulted in her husbands taking
it what could he feel for her but scornful pity Indeed it seemed clear to her
that he was avoiding her and preferred talking to others which nevertheless
was not kind in him
With these thoughts in her mind she was prevented by a mixture of pride and
timidity from addressing him again and when they were looking at the rows of
quaint portraits in the gallery above the cloisters she kept up her air of
interest and made her vivacious remarks without any direct appeal to Deronda
But at the end she was very weary of her assumed spirits and as Grandcourt
turned into the billiardroom she went to the pretty boudoir which had been
assigned to her and shut herself up to look melancholy at her ease No chemical
process shows a more wonderful activity than the transforming influence of the
thoughts we imagine to be going on in another Changes in theory religion
admirations may begin with a suspicion of dissent or disapproval even when the
grounds of disapproval are but matter of searching conjecture
Poor Gwendolen was conscious of an uneasy transforming process all the
old nature shaken to its depths its hopes spoiled its pleasures perturbed but
still showing wholeness and strength in the will to reassert itself After every
new shock of humiliation she tried to adjust herself and seize her old supports
proud concealment trust in new excitements that would make life go by without
much thinking trust in some deed of reparation to nullify her selfblame and
shield her from a vague evervisiting dread of some horrible calamity trust in
the hardening effect of use and wont that would make her indifferent to her
miseries
Yes miseries This beautiful healthy young creature with her
twoandtwenty years and her gratified ambition no longer felt inclined to kiss
her fortunate image in the glass she looked at it with wonder that she could be
so miserable One belief which had accompanied her through her unmarried life as
a selfcajoling superstition encouraged by the subordination of every one about
her the belief in her own power of dominating was utterly gone Already in
seven short weeks which seemed half her life her husband had gained a mastery
which she could no more resist than she could have resisted the benumbing effect
from the touch of a torpedo Gwendolens will had seemed imperious in its small
girlish sway but it was the will of a creature with a large discourse of
imaginative fears a shadow would have been enough to relax its hold And she
had found a will like that of a crab or a boaconstrictor which goes on pinching
or crushing without alarm at thunder Not that Grandcourt was without
calculation of the intangible effects which were the chief means of mastery
indeed he had a surprising acuteness in detecting that situation of feeling in
Gwendolen which made her proud and rebellious spirit dumb and helpless before
him
She had burnt Lydia Glashers letter with an instantaneous terror lest other
eyes should see it and had tenaciously concealed from Grandcourt that there was
any other cause of her violent hysterics than the excitement and fatigue of the
day she had been urged into an implied falsehood »Dont ask me it was my
feeling about everything it was the sudden change from home« The words of
that letter kept repeating themselves and hung on her consciousness with the
weight of a prophetic doom »I am the grave in which your chance of happiness is
buried as well as mine You had your warning You have chosen to injure me and
my children He had meant to marry me He would have married me at last if you
had not broken your word You will have your punishment I desire it with all my
soul Will you give him this letter to set him against me and ruin us more me
and my children Shall you like to stand before your husband with these diamonds
on you and these words of mine in his thoughts and yours Will he think you
have any right to complain when he has made you miserable You took him with
your eyes open The willing wrong you have done me will be your curse«
The words had nestled their venomous life within her and stirred
continually the vision of the scene at the Whispering Stones That scene was now
like an accusing apparition she dreaded that Grandcourt should know of it so
far out of her sight now was that possibility she had once satisfied herself
with of speaking to him about Mrs Glasher and her children and making them
rich amends Any endurance seemed easier than the mortal humiliation of
confessing that she knew all before she married him and in marrying him had
broken her word For the reasons by which she had justified herself when the
marriage tempted her and all her easy arrangement of her future power over her
husband to make him do better than he might be inclined to do were now as
futile as the burntout lights which set off a childs pageant Her sense of
being blameworthy was exaggerated by a dread both definite and vague The
definite dread was lest the veil of secrecy should fall between her and
Grandcourt and give him the right to taunt her With the reading of that letter
had begun her husbands empire of fear
And her husband all the while knew it He had not indeed any distinct
knowledge of her broken promise and would not have rated highly the effect of
that breach on her conscience but he was aware not only of what Lush had told
him about the meeting at the Whispering Stones but also of Gwendolens
concealment as to the cause of her sudden illness He felt sure that Lydia had
enclosed something with the diamonds and that this something whatever it was
had at once created in Gwendolen a new repulsion for him and a reason for not
daring to manifest it He did not greatly mind or feel as many men might have
felt that his hopes in marriage were blighted he had wanted to marry
Gwendolen and he was not a man to repent Why should a gentleman whose other
relations in life are carried on without the luxury of sympathetic feeling be
supposed to require that kind of condiment in domestic life What he chiefly
felt was that a change had come over the conditions of his mastery which far
from shaking it might establish it the more thoroughly And it was established
He judged that he had not married a simpleton unable to perceive the
impossibility of escape or to see alternative evils he had married a girl who
had spirit and pride enough not to make a fool of herself by forfeiting all the
advantages of a position which had attracted her and if she wanted pregnant
hints to help her in making up her mind properly he would take care not to
withhold them
Gwendolen indeed with all that gnawing trouble in her consciousness had
hardly for a moment dropped the sense that it was her part to bear herself with
dignity and appear what is called happy In disclosure of disappointment or
sorrow she saw nothing but a humiliation which would have been vinegar to her
wounds Whatever her husband might come at last to be to her she meant to wear
the yoke so as not to be pitied For she did think of the coming years with
presentiment she was frightened at Grandcourt The poor thing had passed from
her girlish sauciness of superiority over this inert specimen of personal
distinction into an amazed perception of her former ignorance about the possible
mental attitude of a man towards the woman he sought in marriage of her
present ignorance as to what their life with each other might turn into For
novelty gives immeasurableness to fear and fills the early time of all sad
changes with phantoms of the future Her little coquetries voluntary or
involuntary had told on Grandcourt during courtship and formed a medium of
communication between them showing him in the light of a creature such as she
could understand and manage but marriage had nullified all such interchange
and Grandcourt had become a blank uncertainty to her in everything but this
that he would do just what he willed and that she had neither devices at her
command to determine his will nor any rational means of escaping it
What had occurred between them about her wearing the diamonds was typical
One evening shortly before they came to the Abbey they were going to dine at
Brackenshaw Castle Gwendolen had said to herself that she would never wear
those diamonds they had horrible words clinging and crawling about them as
from some bad dream whose images lingered on the perturbed sense She came down
dressed in her white with only a streak of gold and a pendant of emeralds
which Grandcourt had given her round her neck and little emerald stars in her
ears
Grandcourt stood with his back to the fire and looked at her as she entered
»Am I altogether as you like« she said speaking rather gaily She was not
without enjoyment in this occasion of going to Brackenshaw Castle with her new
dignities upon her as men whose affairs are sadly involved will enjoy dining
out among persons likely to be under a pleasant mistake about them
»No« said Grandcourt
Gwendolen felt suddenly uncomfortable wondering what was to come She was
not unprepared for some struggle about the diamonds but suppose he were going
to say in low contemptuous tones »You are not in any way what I like« It was
very bad for her to be secretly hating him but it would be much worse when he
gave the first sign of hating her
»Oh mercy« she exclaimed the pause lasting till she could bear it no
longer »How am I to alter myself«
»Put on the diamonds« said Grandcourt looking straight at her with his
narrow glance
Gwendolen paused in her turn afraid of showing any emotion and feeling
that nevertheless there was some change in her eyes as they met his But she was
obliged to answer and said as indifferently as she could »Oh please not I
dont think diamonds suit me«
»What you think has nothing to do with it« said Grandcourt his sotto voce
imperiousness seeming to have an evening quietude and finish like his toilet
»I wish you to wear the diamonds«
»Pray excuse me I like these emeralds« said Gwendolen frightened in spite
of her preparation That white hand of his which was touching his whisker was
capable she fancied of clinging round her neck and threatening to throttle
her for her fear of him mingling with the vague foreboding of some retributive
calamity which hung about her life had reached a superstitious point
»Oblige me by telling me your reason for not wearing the diamonds when I
desire it« said Grandcourt His eyes were still fixed upon her and she felt
her own eyes narrowing under them as if to shut out an entering pain
Of what use was the rebellion within her She could say nothing that would
not hurt her worse than submission Turning slowly and covering herself again
she went to her dressingroom As she reached out the diamonds it occurred to
her that her unwillingness to wear them might have already raised a suspicion in
Grandcourt that she had some knowledge about them which he had not given her
She fancied that his eyes showed a delight in torturing her How could she be
defiant She had nothing to say that would touch him nothing but what would
give him a more painful grasp on her consciousness
»He delights in making the dogs and horses quail that is half his pleasure
in calling them his« she said to herself as she opened the jewelcase with a
shivering sensation »It will come to be so with me and I shall quail What
else is there for me I will not say to the world Pity me«
She was about to ring for her maid when she heard the door open behind her
It was Grandcourt who came in
»You want some one to fasten them« he said coming towards her
She did not answer but simply stood still leaving him to take out the
ornaments and fasten them as he would Doubtless he had been used to fasten them
on some one else With a bitter sort of sarcasm against herself Gwendolen
thought »What a privilege this is to have robbed another woman of«
»What makes you so cold« said Grandcourt when he had fastened the last
earring »Pray put plenty of furs on I hate to see a woman come into a room
looking frozen If you are to appear as a bride at all appear decently«
This marital speech was not exactly persuasive but it touched the quick of
Gwendolens pride and forced her to rally The words of the bad dream crawled
about the diamonds still but only for her to others they were brilliants that
suited her perfectly and Grandcourt inwardly observed that she answered to the
rein
»Oh yes mamma quite happy« Gwendolen had said on her return to Diplow
»Not at all disappointed in Ryelands It is a much finer place than this
larger in every way But dont you want some more money«
»Did you not know that Mr Grandcourt left me a letter on your weddingday
I am to have eight hundred ayear He wishes me to keep Offendene for the
present while you are at Diplow But if there were some pretty cottage near the
park at Ryelands we might live there without much expense and I should have you
most of the year perhaps«
»We must leave that to Mr Grandcourt mamma«
»Oh certainly It is exceedingly handsome of him to say that he will pay
the rent for Offendene till June And we can go on very well without any
manservant except Crane just for out of doors Our good Merry will stay with
us and help me to manage everything It is natural that Mr Grandcourt should
wish me to live in a good style of house in your neighbourhood and I cannot
decline So he said nothing about it to you«
»No he wished me to hear it from you I suppose«
Gwendolen in fact had been very anxious to have some definite knowledge of
what would be done for her mother but at no moment since her marriage had she
been able to overcome the difficulty of mentioning the subject to Grandcourt
Now however she had a sense of obligation which would not let her rest without
saying to him »It is very good of you to provide for mamma You took a great
deal on yourself in marrying a girl who had nothing but relations belonging to
her«
Grandcourt was smoking and only said carelessly »Of course I was not going
to let her live like a gamekeepers mother«
»At least he is not mean about money« thought Gwendolen »and mamma is the
better off for my marriage«
She often pursued the comparison between what might have been if she had
not married Grandcourt and what actually was trying to persuade herself that
life generally was barren of satisfaction and that if she had chosen
differently she might now have been looking back with a regret as bitter as the
feeling she was trying to argue away Her mothers dulness which used to
irritate her she was at present inclined to explain as the ordinary result of
womens experience True she still saw that she would »manage differently from
mamma« but her management now only meant that she would carry her troubles with
spirit and let none suspect them Byandby she promised herself that she
should get used to her heartsores and find excitements that would carry her
through life as a hard gallop carried her through some of the morning hours
There was gambling she had heard stories at Leubronn of fashionable women who
gambled in all sorts of ways It seemed very flat to her at this distance but
perhaps if she began to gamble again the passion might awake Then there was
the pleasure of producing an effect by her appearance in society what did
celebrated beauties do in town when their husbands could afford display All men
were fascinated by them they had a perfect equipage and toilet walked into
public places and bowed and made the usual answers and walked out again
perhaps they bought china and practised accomplishments If she could only feel
a keen appetite for those pleasures could only believe in pleasure as she used
to do Accomplishments had ceased to have the exciting quality of promising any
preeminence to her and as for fascinated gentlemen adorers who might hover
round her with languishment and diversify married life with the romantic stir
of mystery passion and danger which her French reading had given her some
girlish notion of they presented themselves to her imagination with the fatal
circumstance that instead of fascinating her in return they were clad in her
own weariness and disgust The admiring male rashly adjusting the expression of
his features and the turn of his conversation to her supposed tastes had always
been an absurd object to her and at present seemed rather detestable Many
courses are actually pursued follies and sins both convenient and inconvenient
without pleasure or hope of pleasure but to solace ourselves with imagining
any course beforehand there must be some foretaste of pleasure in the shape of
appetite and Gwendolens appetite had sickened Let her wander over the
possibilities of her life as she would an uncertain shadow dogged her Her
confidence in herself and her destiny had turned into remorse and dread she
trusted neither herself nor her future
This hidden helplessness gave fresh force to the hold Deronda had from the
first taken on her mind as one who had an unknown standard by which he judged
her Had he some way of looking at things which might be a new footing for her
an inward safeguard against possible events which she dreaded as storedup
retribution It is one of the secrets in that change of mental poise which has
been fitly named conversion that to many among us neither heaven nor earth has
any revelation till some personality touches theirs with a peculiar influence
subduing them into receptiveness It had been Gwendolens habit to think of the
persons around her as stale books too familiar to be interesting Deronda had
lit up her attention with a sense of novelty not by words only but by imagined
facts his influence had entered into the current of that selfsuspicion and
selfblame which awakens a new consciousness
»I wish he could know everything about me without my telling him« was one
of her thoughts as she sat leaning over the end of a couch supporting her head
with her hand and looking at herself in a mirror not in admiration but in a
sad kind of companionship »I wish he knew that I am not so contemptible as he
thinks me that I am in deep trouble and want to be something better if I
could« Without the aid of sacred ceremony or costume her feelings had turned
this man only a few years older than herself into a priest a sort of trust
less rare than the fidelity that guards it Young reverence for one who is also
young is the most coercive of all there is the same level of temptation and
the higher motive is believed in as a fuller force not suspected to be a mere
residue from weary experience
But the coercion is often stronger on the one who takes the reverence Those
who trust us educate us And perhaps in that ideal consecration of Gwendolens
some education was being prepared for Deronda
Chapter XXXVI
»Rien ne pèse tant quun secret
Le porter loin est difficile aux dames
Et je sçais mesme sur ce fait
Bon nombre dhommes qui sont femmes«
La Fontaine
Meanwhile Deronda had been fastened and led off by Mr Vandernoodt who wished
for a brisker walk a cigar and a little gossip Since we cannot tell a man his
own secrets the restraint of being in his company often breeds a desire to pair
off in conversation with some more ignorant person and Mr Vandernoodt
presently said
»What a washedout piece of cambric Grandcourt is But if he is a favourite
of yours I withdraw the remark«
»Not the least in the world« said Deronda
»I thought not One wonders how he came to have a great passion again and
he must have had to marry in this way Though Lush his old chum hints that
he married this girl out of obstinacy By George it was a very accountable
obstinacy A man might make up his mind to marry her without the stimulus of
contradiction But he must have made himself a pretty large drain of money eh«
»I know nothing of his affairs«
»What not of the other establishment he keeps up«
»Diplow Of course He took that of Sir Hugo But merely for the year«
»No no not Diplow Gadsmere Sir Hugo knows Ill answer for it«
Deronda said nothing He really began to feel some curiosity but he foresaw
that he should hear what Mr Vandernoodt had to tell without the condescension
of asking
»Lush would not altogether own to it of course Hes a confidant and
gobetween of Grandcourts But I have it on the best authority The fact is
theres another lady with four children at Gadsmere She has had the upper hand
of him these ten years and more and by what I can understand has it still
left her husband for him and used to travel with him everywhere Her husbands
dead now I found a fellow who was in the same regiment with him and knew this
Mrs Glasher before she took wing A fiery darkeyed woman a noted beauty at
that time he thought she was dead They say she has Grandcourt under her thumb
still and its a wonder he didnt marry her for theres a very fine boy and I
understand Grandcourt can do absolutely as he pleases with the estates Lush
told me as much as that«
»What right had he to marry this girl« said Deronda with disgust
Mr Vandernoodt adjusting the end of his cigar shrugged his shoulders and
put out his lips
»She can know nothing of it« said Deronda emphatically But that positive
statement was immediately followed by an inward query »Could she have known
anything of it«
»Its rather a piquant picture« said Mr Vandernoodt »Grandcourt between
two fiery women For depend upon it this lighthaired one has plenty of devil in
her I formed that opinion of her at Leubronn Its a sort of Medea and Creüsa
business Fancy the two meeting Grandcourt is a new kind of Jason I wonder
what sort of a part hell make of it Its a dogs part at best I think I hear
Ristori now saying Jasone Jasone These fine women generally get hold of a
stick«
»Grandcourt can bite I fancy« said Deronda »He is no stick«
»No no I meant Jason I cant quite make out Grandcourt But hes a keen
fellow enough uncommonly well built too And if he comes into all this
property the estates will bear dividing This girl whose friends had come to
beggary I understand may think herself lucky to get him I dont want to be
hard on a man because he gets involved in an affair of that sort But he might
make himself more agreeable I was telling him a capital story last night and
he got up and walked away in the middle I felt inclined to kick him Do you
suppose that is inattention or insolence now«
»Oh a mixture He generally observes the forms but he doesnt listen
much« said Deronda Then after a moments pause he went on »I should think
there must be some exaggeration or inaccuracy in what you have heard about this
lady at Gadsmere«
»Not a bit depend upon it it has all lain snug of late years People have
forgotten all about it But there the nest is and the birds are in it And I
know Grandcourt goes there I have good evidence that he goes there However
thats nobodys business but his own The affair has sunk below the surface«
»I wonder you could have learned so much about it« said Deronda rather
drily
»Oh there are plenty of people who knew all about it but such stories get
packed away like old letters They interest me I like to know the manners of my
time contemporary gossip not antediluvian These Dryasdust fellows get a
reputation by raking up some small scandal about Semiramis or Nitocris and then
we have a thousand and one poems written upon it by all the warblers big and
little But I dont care a straw about the faux pas of the mummies You do
though You are one of the historical men more interested in a lady when shes
got a rag face and skeleton toes peeping out Does that flatter your
imagination«
»Well if she had any woes in her love one has the satisfaction of knowing
that shes well out of them«
»Ah you are thinking of the Medea I see«
Deronda then chose to point to some giant oaks worth looking at in their
bareness He also felt an interest in this piece of contemporary gossip but he
was satisfied that Mr Vandernoodt had no more to tell about it
Since the early days when he tried to construct the hidden story of his own
birth his mind had perhaps never been so active in weaving probabilities about
any private affair as it had now begun to be about Gwendolens marriage This
unavowed relation of Grandcourts could she have gained some knowledge of it
which caused her to shrink from the match a shrinking finally overcome by the
urgence of poverty He could recall almost every word she had said to him and
in certain of these words he seemed to discern that she was conscious of having
done some wrong inflicted some injury His own acute experience made him alive
to the form of injury which might affect the unavowed children and their mother
Was Mrs Grandcourt under all her determined show of satisfaction gnawed by a
double a trebleheaded grief selfreproach disappointment jealousy He
dwelt especially on all the slight signs of selfreproach he was inclined to
judge her tenderly to excuse to pity He thought he had found a key now by
which to interpret her more clearly what magnifying of her misery might not a
young creature get into who had wedded her fresh hopes to old secrets He
thought he saw clearly enough now why Sir Hugo had never dropped any hint of
this affair to him and immediately the image of this Mrs Glasher became
painfully associated with his own hidden birth Gwendolen knowing of that woman
and her children marrying Grandcourt and showing herself contented would have
been among the most repulsive of beings to him but Gwendolen tasting the
bitterness of remorse for having contributed to their injury was brought very
near to his fellowfeeling If it were so she had got to a common plane of
understanding with him on some difficulties of life which a woman is rarely able
to judge of with any justice or generosity for according to precedent
Gwendolens view of her position might easily have been no other than that her
husbands marriage with her was his entrance on the path of virtue while Mrs
Glasher represented his forsaken sin And Deronda had naturally some resentment
on behalf of the Hagars and Ishmaels
Undeniably Derondas growing solicitude about Gwendolen depended chiefly on
her peculiar manner towards him and I suppose neither man nor woman would be
the better for an utter insensibility to such appeals One sign that his
interest in her had changed its footing was that he dismissed any caution
against her being a coquette setting snares to involve him in a vulgar
flirtation and determined that he would not again evade any opportunity of
talking with her He had shaken off Mr Vandernoodt and got into a solitary
corner in the twilight but half an hour was long enough to think of those
possibilities in Gwendolens position and state of mind and on forming the
determination not to avoid her he remembered that she was likely to be at tea
with the other ladies in the drawingroom The conjecture was true for
Gwendolen after resolving not to go down again for the next four hours began
to feel at the end of one that in shutting herself up she missed all chances
of seeing and hearing and that her visit would only last two days more She
adjusted herself put on her little air of selfpossession and going down made
herself resolutely agreeable Only ladies were assembled and Lady Pentreath was
amusing them with a description of a drawingroom under the Regency and the
figure that was cut by ladies and gentlemen in 1819 the year she was presented
when Deronda entered
»Shall I be acceptable« he said »Perhaps I had better go back and look for
the others I suppose they are in the billiardroom«
»No no stay where you are« said Lady Pentreath »They were all getting
tired of me let us hear what you have to say«
»That is rather an embarrassing appeal« said Deronda drawing up a chair
near Lady Mallingers elbow at the teatable »I think I had better take the
opportunity of mentioning our songstress« he added looking at Lady Mallinger
»unless you have done so«
»Oh the little Jewess« said Lady Mallinger »No I have not mentioned her
It never entered my head that any one here wanted singing lessons«
»All ladies know some one else who wants singing lessons« said Deronda »I
have happened to find an exquisite singer« here he turned to Lady Pentreath
»She is living with some ladies who are friends of mine the mother and sisters
of a man who was my chum at Cambridge She was on the stage at Vienna but she
wants to leave that life and maintain herself by teaching«
»There are swarms of those people arent there« said the old lady »Are
her lessons to be very cheap or very expensive Those are the two baits I know
of«
»There is another bait for those who hear her« said Deronda »Her singing
is something quite exceptional I think She has had such firstrate teaching
or rather firstrate instinct with her teaching that you might imagine her
singing all came by nature«
»Why did she leave the stage then« said Lady Pentreath »Im too old to
believe in firstrate people giving up firstrate chances«
»Her voice was too weak It is a delicious voice for a room You who put up
with my singing of Schubert would be enchanted with hers« said Deronda looking
at Mrs Raymond »And I imagine she would not object to sing at private parties
or concerts Her voice is quite equal to that«
»I am to have her in my drawingroom when we go up to town« said Lady
Mallinger »You shall hear her then I have not heard her myself yet but I
trust Daniels recommendation I mean my girls to have lessons of her«
»Is it a charitable affair« said Lady Pentreath »I cant bear charitable
music«
Lady Mallinger who was rather helpless in conversation and felt herself
under an engagement not to tell anything of Mirahs story had an embarrassed
smile on her face and glanced at Deronda
»It is a charity to those who want to have a good model of feminine
singing« said Deronda »I think everybody who has ears would benefit by a
little improvement on the ordinary style If you heard Miss Lapidoth« here he
looked at Gwendolen »perhaps you would revoke your resolution to give up
singing«
»I should rather think my resolution would be confirmed« said Gwendolen »I
dont feel able to follow your advice of enjoying my own middlingness«
»For my part« said Deronda »people who do anything finely always inspirit
me to try I dont mean that they make me believe I can do it as well But they
make the thing whatever it may be seem worthy to be done I can bear to think
my own music not good for much but the world would be more dismal if I thought
music itself not good for much Excellence encourages one about life generally
it shows the spiritual wealth of the world«
»But then if we cant imitate it it only makes our own life seem the
tamer« said Gwendolen in a mood to resent encouragement founded on her own
insignificance
»That depends on the point of view I think« said Deronda »We should have
a poor life of it if we were reduced for all our pleasure to our own
performances A little private imitation of what is good is a sort of private
devotion to it and most of us ought to practise art only in the light of
private study preparation to understand and enjoy what the few can do for us
I think Miss Lapidoth is one of the few«
»She must be a very happy person dont you think« said Gwendolen with a
touch of sarcasm and a turn of her neck towards Mrs Raymond
»I dont know« answered the independent lady »I must hear more of her
before I said that«
»It may have been a bitter disappointment to her that her voice failed her
for the stage« said Juliet Fenn sympathetically
»I suppose shes past her best though« said the deep voice of Lady
Pentreath
»On the contrary she has not reached it« said Deronda »She is barely
twenty«
»And very pretty« interposed Lady Mallinger with an amiable wish to help
Deronda »And she has very good manners Im sorry she is a bigoted Jewess I
should not like it for anything else but it doesnt matter in singing«
»Well since her voice is too weak for her to scream much Ill tell Lady
Clementina to set her on my nine granddaughters« said Lady Pentreath »and I
hope shell convince eight of them that they have not voice enough to sing
anywhere but at church My notion is that many of our girls nowadays want
lessons not to sing«
»I have had my lessons in that« said Gwendolen looking at Deronda »You
see Lady Pentreath is on my side«
While she was speaking Sir Hugo entered with some of the other gentlemen
including Grandcourt and standing against the group at the low teatable said
»What imposition is Deronda putting on you ladies slipping in among you by
himself«
»Wanting to pass off an obscurity on us as better than any celebrity« said
Lady Pentreath »a pretty singing Jewess who is to astonish these young people
You and I who heard Catalani in her prime are not so easily astonished«
Sir Hugo listened with his goodhumoured smile as he took a cup of tea from
his wife and then said »Well you know a Liberal is bound to think that there
have been singers since Catalanis time«
»Ah you are younger than I am I daresay you are one of the men who ran
after Alcharisi But she married off and left you all in the lurch«
»Yes yes its rather too bad when these great singers marry themselves
into silence before they have a crack in their voices And the husband is a
public robber I remember Leroux saying A man might as well take down a fine
peal of church bells and carry them off to the steppes« said Sir Hugo setting
down his cup and turning away while Deronda who had moved from his place to
make room for others and felt that he was not in request sat down a little
apart Presently he became aware that in the general dispersion of the group
Gwendolen had extricated herself from the attentions of Mr Vandernoodt and had
walked to the piano where she stood apparently examining the music which lay on
the desk Will any one be surprised at Derondas concluding that she wished him
to join her Perhaps she wanted to make amends for the unpleasant tone of
resistance with which she had met his recommendation of Mirah for he had
noticed that her first impulse often was to say what she afterwards wished to
retract He went to her side and said
»Are you relenting about the music and looking for something to play or
sing«
»I am not looking for anything but I am relenting« said Gwendolen
speaking in a submissive tone
»May I know the reason«
»I should like to hear Miss Lapidoth and have lessons from her since you
admire her so much that is of course when we go to town I mean lessons in
rejoicing at her excellence and my own deficiency« said Gwendolen turning on
him a sweet open smile
»I shall be really glad for you to see and hear her« said Deronda
returning the smile in kind
»Is she as perfect in everything else as in her music«
»I cant vouch for that exactly I have not seen enough of her But I have
seen nothing in her that I could wish to be different She has had an unhappy
life Her troubles began in early childhood and she has grown up among very
painful surroundings But I think you will say that no advantages could have
given her more grace and truer refinement«
»I wonder what sort of troubles hers were«
»I have not any very precise knowledge But I know that she was on the brink
of drowning herself in despair«
»And what hindered her« said Gwendolen quickly looking at Deronda
»Some ray or other came which made her feel that she ought to live that
it was good to live« he answered quietly »She is full of piety and seems
capable of submitting to anything when it takes the form of duty«
»Those people are not to be pitied« said Gwendolen impatiently »I have no
sympathy with women who are always doing right I dont believe in their great
sufferings« Her fingers moved quickly among the edges of the music
»It is true« said Deronda »that the consciousness of having done wrong is
something deeper more bitter I suppose we faulty creatures can never feel so
much for the irreproachable as for those who are bruised in the struggle with
their own faults It is a very ancient story that of the lost sheep but it
comes up afresh every day«
»That is a way of speaking it is not acted on it is not real« said
Gwendolen bitterly »You admire Miss Lapidoth because you think her blameless
perfect And you know you would despise a woman who had done something you
thought very wrong«
»That would depend entirely on her own view of what she had done« said
Deronda
»You would be satisfied if she were very wretched I suppose« said
Gwendolen impetuously
»No not satisfied full of sorrow for her It was not a mere way of
speaking I did not mean to say that the finer nature is not more adorable I
meant that those who would be comparatively uninteresting beforehand may become
worthier of sympathy when they do something that awakens in them a keen remorse
Lives are enlarged in different ways I daresay some would never get their eyes
opened if it were not for a violent shock from the consequences of their own
actions And when they are suffering in that way one must care for them more
than for the comfortably selfsatisfied« Deronda forgot everything but his
vision of what Gwendolens experience had probably been and urged by compassion
let his eyes and voice express as much interest as they would
Gwendolen had slipped on to the musicstool and looked up at him with pain
in her long eyes like a wounded animal asking help
»Are you persuading Mrs Grandcourt to play to us Dan« said Sir Hugo
coming up and putting his hand on Derondas shoulder with a gentle admonitory
pinch
»I cannot persuade myself« said Gwendolen rising
Others had followed Sir Hugos lead and there was an end of any liability
to confidences for that day But the next was New Years Eve and a grand dance
to which the chief tenants were invited was to be held in the picturegallery
above the cloister the sort of entertainment in which numbers and general
movement may create privacy When Gwendolen was dressing she longed in
remembrance of Leubronn to put on the old turquoise necklace for her sole
ornament but she dared not offend her husband by appearing in that shabby way
on an occasion when he would demand her utmost splendour Determined to wear the
memorial necklace somehow she wound it thrice round her wrist and made a
bracelet of it having gone to her room to put it on just before the time of
entering the ballroom
It was always a beautiful scene this dance on New Years Eve which had
been kept up by family tradition as nearly in the old fashion as inexorable
change would allow Red carpet was laid down for the occasion hothouse plants
and evergreens were arranged in bowers at the extremities and in every recess of
the gallery and the old portraits stretching back through generations even to
the preportraying period made a piquant line of spectators Some neighbouring
gentry major and minor were invited and it was certainly an occasion when a
prospective master and mistress of Abbots and Kings Topping might see their
future glory in an agreeable light as a picturesque provincial supremacy with a
rentroll personified by the most prosperouslooking tenants Sir Hugo expected
Grandcourt to feel flattered by being asked to the Abbey at a time which
included this festival in honour of the family estate but he also hoped that
his own hale appearance might impress his successor with the probable length of
time that would elapse before the succession came and with the wisdom of
preferring a good actual sum to a minor property that must be waited for All
present down to the least important farmers daughter knew that they were to
see »young Grandcourt« Sir Hugos nephew the presumptive heir and future
baronet now visiting the Abbey with his bride after an absence of many years
any coolness between uncle and nephew having it was understood given way to a
friendly warmth The bride opening the ball with Sir Hugo was necessarily the
cynosure of all eyes and less than a year before if some magic mirror could
have shown Gwendolen her actual position she would have imagined herself moving
in it with a glow of triumphant pleasure conscious that she held in her hands a
life full of favourable chances which her cleverness and spirit would enable her
to make the best of And now she was wondering that she could get so little joy
out of the exaltation to which she had been suddenly lifted away from the
distasteful petty empire of her girlhood with its irksome lack of distinction
and superfluity of sisters She would have been glad to be even unreasonably
elated and to forget everything but the flattery of the moment but she was
like one courting sleep in whom thoughts insist like wilful tormentors
Wondering in this way at her own dulness and all the while longing for an
excitement that would deaden importunate aches she was passing through files of
admiring beholders in the countrydance with which it was traditional to open
the ball and was being generally regarded by her own sex as an enviable woman
It was remarked that she carried herself with a wonderful air considering that
she had been nobody in particular and without a farthing to her fortune If she
had been a dukes daughter or one of the royal princesses she could not have
taken the honours of the evening more as a matter of course Poor Gwendolen It
would byandby become a sort of skill in which she was automatically practised
to bear this last great gambling loss with an air of perfect selfpossession
The next couple that passed were also worth looking at Lady Pentreath had
said »I shall stand up for one dance but I shall choose my partner Mr
Deronda you are the youngest man I mean to dance with you Nobody is old
enough to make a good pair with me I must have a contrast« And the contrast
certainly set off the old lady to the utmost She was one of those women who are
never handsome till they are old and she had had the wisdom to embrace the
beauty of age as early as possible What might have seemed harshness in her
features when she was young had turned now into a satisfactory strength of form
and expression which defied wrinkles and was set off by a crown of white hair
her wellbuilt figure was well covered with black drapery her ears and neck
comfortably caressed with lace showing none of those withered spaces which one
would think it a pitiable condition of poverty to expose She glided along
gracefully enough her dark eyes still with a mischievous smile in them as she
observed the company Her partners young richness of tint against the flattened
hues and rougher forms of her aged head had an effect something like that of a
fine flower against a lichenous branch Perhaps the tenants hardly appreciated
this pair Lady Pentreath was nothing more than a straight active old lady Mr
Deronda was a familiar figure regarded with friendliness but if he had been the
heir it would have been regretted that his face was not as unmistakeably
English as Sir Hugos
Grandcourts appearance when he came up with Lady Mallinger was not
impeached with foreignness still the satisfaction in it was not complete It
would have been matter of congratulation if one who had the luck to inherit two
old family estates had had more hair a fresher colour and a look of greater
animation but that fine families dwindled off into females and estates ran
together into the single heirship of a mealycomplexioned male was a tendency
in things which seemed to be accounted for by a citation of other instances It
was agreed that Mr Grandcourt could never be taken for anything but what he was
a born gentleman and that in fact he looked like an heir Perhaps the
person least complacently disposed towards him at that moment was Lady
Mallinger to whom going in procession up this countrydance with Grandcourt was
a blazonment of herself as the infelicitous wife who had produced nothing but
daughters little better than no children poor dear things except for her own
fondness and for Sir Hugos wonderful goodness to them But such inward
discomfort could not prevent the gentle lady from looking fair and stout to
admiration or her full blue eyes from glancing mildly at her neighbours All
the mothers and fathers held it a thousand pities that she had not had a fine
boy or even several which might have been expected to look at her when she
was first married
The gallery included only three sides of the quadrangle the fourth being
shut off as a lobby or corridor one side was used for dancing and the opposite
side for the suppertable while the intermediate part was less brilliantly lit
and fitted with comfortable seats Later in the evening Gwendolen was in one of
these seats and Grandcourt was standing near her They were not talking to each
other she was leaning backward in her chair and he against the wall and
Deronda happening to observe this went up to ask her if she had resolved not
to dance any more Having himself been doing hard duty in this way among the
guests he thought he had earned the right to sink for a little while into the
background and he had spoken little to Gwendolen since their conversation at
the piano the day before Grandcourts presence would only make it the easier to
show that pleasure in talking to her even about trivialities which would be a
sign of friendliness and he fancied that her face looked blank A smile beamed
over it as she saw him coming and she raised herself from her leaning posture
Grandcourt had been grumbling at the ennui of staying so long in this stupid
dance and proposing that they should vanish she had resisted on the ground of
politeness not without being a little frightened at the probability that he
was silently angry with her She had her reason for staying though she had
begun to despair of the opportunity for the sake of which she had put the old
necklace on her wrist But now at last Deronda had come
»Yes I shall not dance any more Are you not glad« she said with some
gaiety »You might have felt obliged humbly to offer yourself as a partner and
I feel sure you have danced more than you like already«
»I will not deny that« said Deronda »since you have danced as much as you
like«
»But will you take trouble for me in another way and fetch me a glass of
that fresh water«
It was but a few steps that Deronda had to go for the water Gwendolen was
wrapped in the lightest softest of white woollen burnouses under which her
hands were hidden While he was gone she had drawn off her glove which was
finished with a lace ruffle and when she put up her hand to take the glass and
lifted it to her mouth the necklacebracelet which in its triple winding
adapted itself clumsily to her wrist was necessarily conspicuous Grandcourt
saw it and saw that it was attracting Derondas notice
»What is that hideous thing you have got on your wrist« said the husband
»That« said Gwendolen composedly pointing to the turquoises while she
still held the glass »it is an old necklace that I like to wear I lost it
once and some one found it for me«
With that she gave the glass again to Deronda who immediately carried it
away and on returning said in order to banish any consciousness about the
necklace
»It is worth while for you to go and look out at one of the windows on that
side You can see the finest possible moonlight on the stone pillars and
carving and shadows waving across it in the wind«
»I should like to see it Will you go« said Gwendolen looking up at her
husband
He cast his eyes down at her and saying »No Deronda will take you«
slowly moved from his leaning attitude and slowly walked away
Gwendolens face for a moment showed a fleeting vexation she resented this
show of indifference towards her Deronda felt annoyed chiefly for her sake
and with a quick sense that it would relieve her most to behave as if nothing
peculiar had occurred he said »Will you take my arm and go while only
servants are there« He thought that he understood well her action in drawing
his attention to the necklace she wished him to infer that she had submitted
her mind to rebuke her speech and manner had from the first fluctuated towards
that submission and that she felt no lingering resentment Her evident
confidence in his interpretation of her appealed to him as a peculiar claim
When they were walking together Gwendolen felt as if the annoyance which
had just happened had removed another film of reserve from between them and she
had more right than before to be as open as she wished She did not speak being
filled with the sense of silent confidence until they were in front of the
window looking out on the moonlit court A sort of bower had been made round the
window turning it into a recess Quitting his arm she folded her hands in her
burnous and pressed her brow against the glass He moved slightly away and
held the lapels of his coat with his thumbs under the collar as his manner was
he had a wonderful power of standing perfectly still and in that position
reminded one sometimes of Dantes spiriti magni con occhi tardi e gravi
Doubtless some of these danced in their youth doubted of their own vocation
and found their own times too modern He abstained from remarking on the scene
before them fearing that any indifferent words might jar on her already the
calm light and shadow the ancient steadfast forms had aloofness enough from
those inward troubles which he felt sure were agitating her And he judged
aright she would have been impatient of polite conversation The incidents of
the last minute or two had receded behind former thoughts which she had imagined
herself uttering to Deronda and which now urged themselves to her lips In a
subdued voice she said
»Suppose I had gambled again and lost the necklace again what should you
have thought of me«
»Worse than I do now«
»Then you are mistaken about me You wanted me not to do that not to make
my gain out of anothers loss in that way and I have done a great deal worse«
»I can imagine temptations« said Deronda »Perhaps I am able to understand
what you mean At least I understand selfreproach« In spite of preparation he
was almost alarmed at Gwendolens precipitancy of confidence towards him in
contrast with her habitual resolute concealment
»What should you do if you were like me feeling that you were wrong and
miserable and dreading everything to come« It seemed that she was hurrying to
make the utmost use of this opportunity to speak as she would
»That is not to be amended by doing one thing only but many« said
Deronda decisively
»What« said Gwendolen hastily moving her brow from the glass and looking
at him
He looked full at her in return with what she thought was severity He felt
that it was not a moment in which he must let himself be tender and flinch from
implying a hard opinion
»I mean there are many thoughts and habits that may help us to bear
inevitable sorrow Multitudes have to bear it«
She turned her brow to the window again and said impatiently »You must
tell me then what to think and what to do else why did you not let me go on
doing as I liked and not minding If I had gone on gambling I might have won
again and I might have got not to care for anything else You would not let me
do that Why shouldnt I do as I like and not mind Other people do« Poor
Gwendolens speech expressed nothing very clearly except her irritation
»I dont believe you would ever get not to mind« said Deronda with
deeptoned decision »If it were true that baseness and cruelty made an escape
from pain what difference would that make to people who cant be quite base or
cruel Idiots escape some pain but you cant be an idiot Some may do wrong to
another without remorse but suppose one does feel remorse I believe you could
never lead an injurious life all reckless lives are injurious pestilential
without feeling remorse« Derondas unconscious fervour had gathered as he went
on he was uttering thoughts which he had used for himself in moments of painful
meditation
»Then tell me what better I can do« said Gwendolen insistently
»Many things Look on other lives besides your own See what their troubles
are and how they are borne Try to care about something in this vast world
besides the gratification of small selfish desires Try to care for what is best
in thought and action something that is good apart from the accidents of your
own lot«
For an instant or two Gwendolen was mute Then again moving her brow from
the glass she said
»You mean that I am selfish and ignorant«
He met her fixed look in silence before he answered firmly
»You will not go on being selfish and ignorant«
She did not turn away her glance or let her eyelids fall but a change came
over her face that subtle change in nerve and muscle which will sometimes give
a childlike expression even to the elderly it is the subsidence of
selfassertion
»Shall I lead you back« said Deronda gently turning and offering her his
arm again She took it silently and in that way they came in sight of
Grandcourt who was walking slowly near their former place Gwendolen went up to
him and said »I am ready to go now Mr Deronda will excuse us to Lady
Mallinger«
»Certainly« said Deronda »Lord and Lady Pentreath disappeared some time
ago«
Grandcourt gave his arm in silent compliance nodding over his shoulder to
Deronda and Gwendolen too only half turned to bow and say »Thanks« The
husband and wife left the gallery and paced the corridors in silence When the
door had closed on them in the boudoir Grandcourt threw himself into a chair
and said with undertoned peremptoriness »Sit down« She already in the
expectation of something unpleasant had thrown off her burnous with nervous
unconsciousness and immediately obeyed Turning his eyes towards her he began
»Oblige me in future by not showing whims like a mad woman in a play«
»What do you mean« said Gwendolen
»I suppose there is some understanding between you and Deronda about that
thing you have on your wrist If you have anything to say to him say it But
dont carry on a telegraphing which other people are supposed not to see Its
damnably vulgar«
»You can know all about the necklace« said Gwendolen her angry pride
resisting the nightmare of fear
»I dont want to know Keep to yourself whatever you like« Grandcourt
paused between each sentence and in each his speech seemed to become more
preternaturally distinct in its inward tones »What I care to know I shall know
without your telling me Only you will please to behave as becomes my wife And
not make a spectacle of yourself«
»Do you object to my talking to Mr Deronda«
»I dont care two straws about Deronda or any other conceited hangeron
You may talk to him as much as you like He is not going to take my place You
are my wife And you will either fill your place properly to the world and to
me or you will go to the devil«
»I never intended anything but to fill my place properly« said Gwendolen
with bitterest mortification in her soul
»You put that thing on your wrist and hid it from me till you wanted him to
see it Only fools go into that deaf and dumb talk and think theyre secret
You will understand that you are not to compromise yourself Behave with
dignity Thats all I have to say«
With that last word Grandcourt rose turned his back to the fire and looked
down on her She was mute There was no reproach that she dared to fling at him
in return for these insulting admonitions and the very reason she felt them to
be insulting was that their purport went with the most absolute dictate of her
pride What she would least like to incur was the making a fool of herself and
being compromised It was futile and irrelevant to try and explain that Deronda
too had only been a monitor the strongest of all monitors Grandcourt was
contemptuous not jealous contemptuously certain of all the subjection he cared
for Why could she not rebel and defy him She longed to do it But she might
as well have tried to defy the texture of her nerves and the palpitation of her
heart Her husband had a ghostly army at his back that could close round her
wherever she might turn She sat in her splendid attire like a white image of
helplessness and he seemed to gratify himself with looking at her She could
not even make a passionate exclamation or throw up her arms as she would have
done in her maiden days The sense of his scorn kept her still
»Shall I ring« he said after what seemed to her a long while She moved
her head in assent and after ringing he went to his dressingroom
Certain words were gnawing within her »The wrong you have done me will be
your own curse« As he closed the door the bitter tears rose and the gnawing
words provoked an answer »Why did you put your fangs into me and not into him«
It was uttered in a whisper as the tears came up silently But immediately she
pressed her handkerchief against her eyes and checked her tendency to sob
The next day recovered from the shuddering fit of this evening scene she
determined to use the charter which Grandcourt had scornfully given her and to
talk as much as she liked with Deronda but no opportunities occurred and any
little devices she could imagine for creating them were rejected by her pride
which was now doubly active Not towards Deronda himself she was curiously
free from alarm lest he should think her openness wanting in dignity it was
part of his power over her that she believed him free from all misunderstanding
as to the way in which she appealed to him or rather that he should
misunderstand her had never entered into her mind But the last morning came
and still she had never been able to take up the dropped thread of their talk
and she was without devices She and Grandcourt were to leave at three oclock
It was too irritating that after a walk in the grounds had been planned in
Derondas hearing he did not present himself to join in it Grandcourt was gone
with Sir Hugo to Kings Topping to see the old manorhouse others of the
gentlemen were shooting she was condemned to go and see the decoy and the
waterfowl and everything else that she least wanted to see with the ladies
with old Lord Pentreath and his anecdotes with Mr Vandernoodt and his admiring
manners The irritation became too strong for her without premeditation she
took advantage of the winding road to linger a little out of sight and then set
off back to the house almost running when she was safe from observation She
entered by a side door and the library was on her left hand Deronda she knew
was often there why might she not turn in there as well as into any other room
in the house She had been taken there expressly to see the illuminated family
tree and other remarkable things what more natural than that she should like
to look in again The thing most to be feared was that the room would be empty
of Deronda for the door was ajar She pushed it gently and looked round it He
was there writing busily at a distant table with his back towards the door in
fact Sir Hugo had asked him to answer some constituents letters which had
become pressing An enormous logfire with the scent of russia from the books
made the great room as warmly odorous as a private chapel in which the censers
have been swinging It seemed too daring to go in too rude to speak and
interrupt him yet she went in on the noiseless carpet and stood still for two
or three minutes till Deronda having finished a letter pushed it aside for
signature and threw himself back to consider whether there were anything else
for him to do or whether he could walk out for the chance of meeting the party
which included Gwendolen when he heard her voice saying »Mr Deronda«
It was certainly startling He rose hastily turned round and pushed away
his chair with a strong expression of surprise
»Am I wrong to come in« said Gwendolen
»I thought you were far on your walk« said Deronda
»I turned back« said Gwendolen
»Do you not intend to go out again I could join you now if you would allow
me«
»No I want to say something and I cant stay long« said Gwendolen
speaking quickly in a subdued tone while she walked forward and rested her arms
and muff on the back of the chair he had pushed away from him »I want to tell
you that it is really so I cant help feeling remorse for having injured
others That was what I meant when I said that I had done worse than gamble
again and pawn the necklace again something more injurious as you called it
And I cant alter it I am punished but I cant alter it You said I could do
many things Tell me again What should you do what should you feel if you
were in my place«
The hurried directness with which she spoke the absence of all her little
airs as if she were only concerned to use the time in getting an answer that
would guide her made her appeal unspeakably touching
Deronda said »I should feel something of what you feel deep sorrow«
»But what would you try to do« said Gwendolen with urgent quickness
»Order my life so as to make any possible amends and keep away from doing
any sort of injury again« said Deronda catching her sense that the time for
speech was brief
»But I cant I cant I must go on« said Gwendolen in a passionate loud
whisper »I have thrust out others I have made my gain out of their loss
tried to make it tried And I must go on I cant alter it«
It was impossible to answer this instantaneously Her words had confirmed
his conjecture and the situation of all concerned rose in swift images before
him His feeling for those who had been »thrust out« sanctioned her remorse he
could not try to nullify it yet his heart was full of pity for her But as soon
as he could he answered taking up her last words
»That is the bitterest of all to wear the yoke of our own wrongdoing But
if you submitted to that as men submit to maiming or a lifelong incurable
disease and made the unalterable wrong a reason for more effort towards a
good that may do something to counterbalance the evil One who has committed
irremediable errors may be scourged by that consciousness into a higher course
than is common There are many examples Feeling what it is to have spoiled one
life may well make us long to save other lives from being spoiled«
»But you have not wronged any one or spoiled their lives« said Gwendolen
hastily »It is only others who have wronged you«
Deronda coloured slightly but said immediately »I suppose our keen
feeling for ourselves might end in giving us a keen feeling for others if when
we are suffering acutely we were to consider that others go through the same
sharp experience That is a sort of remorse before commission Cant you
understand that«
»I think I do now« said Gwendolen »But you were right I am selfish I
have never thought much of any ones feelings except my mothers I have not
been fond of people But what can I do« she went on more quickly »I must
get up in the morning and do what every one else does It is all like a dance
set beforehand I seem to see all that can be and I am tired and sick of it
And the world is all confusion to me« she made a gesture of disgust »You say
I am ignorant But what is the good of trying to know more unless life were
worth more«
»This good« said Deronda promptly with a touch of indignant severity
which he was inclined to encourage as his own safeguard »life would be worth
more to you some real knowledge would give you an interest in the world beyond
the small drama of personal desires It is the curse of your life forgive me
of so many lives that all passion is spent in that narrow round for want of
ideas and sympathies to make a larger home for it Is there any single
occupation of mind that you care about with passionate delight or even
independent interest«
Deronda paused but Gwendolen looking startled and thrilled as by an
electric shock said nothing and he went on more insistently
»I take what you said of music for a small example it answers for all
larger things you will not cultivate it for the sake of a private joy in it
What sort of earth or heaven would hold any spiritual wealth in it for souls
pauperised by inaction If one firmament has no stimulus for our attention and
awe I dont see how four would have it We should stamp every possible world
with the flatness of our own inanity which is necessarily impious without
faith or fellowship The refuge you are needing from personal trouble is the
higher the religious life which holds an enthusiasm for something more than
our own appetites and vanities The few may find themselves in it simply by an
elevation of feeling but for us who have to struggle for our wisdom the higher
life must be a region in which the affections are clad with knowledge«
The halfindignant remonstrance that vibrated in Derondas voice came as
often happens from the habit of inward argument with himself rather than from
severity towards Gwendolen but it had a more beneficent effect on her than any
soothings Nothing is feebler than the indolent rebellion of complaint and to
be roused into selfjudgment is comparative activity For the moment she felt
like a shaken child shaken out of its wailings into awe and she said humbly
»I will try I will think«
They both stood silent for a minute as if some third presence had arrested
them for Deronda too was under that sense of pressure which is apt to come
when our own winged words seem to be hovering around us till Gwendolen began
again
»You said affection was the best thing and I have hardly any none about
me If I could I would have mamma but that is impossible Things have changed
to me so in such a short time What I used not to like I long for now I
think I am almost getting fond of the old things now they are gone« Her lip
trembled
»Take the present suffering as a painful letting in of light« said Deronda
more gently »You are conscious of more beyond the round of your own
inclinations you know more of the way in which your life presses on others
and their life on yours I dont think you could have escaped the painful
process in some form or other«
»But it is a very cruel form« said Gwendolen beating her foot on the
ground with returning agitation »I am frightened at everything I am frightened
at myself When my blood is fired I can do daring things take any leap but
that makes me frightened at myself« She was looking at nothing outside her but
her eyes were directed toward the window away from Deronda who with quick
comprehension said
»Turn your fear into a safeguard Keep your dread fixed on the idea of
increasing that remorse which is so bitter to you Fixed meditation may do a
great deal towards defining our longing or dread We are not always in a state
of strong emotion and when we are calm we can use our memories and gradually
change the bias of our fear as we do our tastes Take your fear as a safeguard
It is like quickness of hearing It may make consequences passionately present
to you Try to take hold of your sensibility and use it as if it were a
faculty like vision« Deronda uttered each sentence more urgently he felt as
if he were seizing a faint chance of rescuing her from some indefinite danger
»Yes I know I understand what you mean« said Gwendolen in her loud
whisper not turning her eyes but lifting up her small gloved hand and waving
it in deprecation of the notion that it was easy to obey that advice »But if
feelings rose there are some feelings hatred and anger how can I be good
when they keep rising And if there came a moment when I felt stifled and could
bear it no longer « She broke off and with agitated lips looked at Deronda
but the expression on his face pierced her with an entirely new feeling He was
under the baffling difficulty of discerning that what he had been urging on her
was thrown into the pallid distance of mere thought before the outburst of her
habitual emotion It was as if he saw her drowning while his limbs were bound
The pained compassion which was spread over his features as he watched her
affected her with a compunction unlike any she had felt before and in a changed
imploring tone she said
»I am grieving you I am ungrateful You can help me I will think of
everything I will try Tell me it will not be a pain to you that I have dared
to speak of my trouble to you You began it you know when you rebuked me«
There was a melancholy smile on her lips as she said that but she added more
entreatingly »It will not be a pain to you«
»Not if it does anything to save you from an evil to come« said Deronda
with strong emphasis »otherwise it will be a lasting pain«
»No no it shall not be It may be it shall be better with me because I
have known you« She turned immediately and quitted the room
When she was on the first landing of the staircase Sir Hugo passed across
the hall on his way to the library and saw her Grandcourt was not with him
Deronda when the baronet entered was standing in his ordinary attitude
grasping his coatcollar with his back to the table and with that indefinable
expression by which we judge that a man is still in the shadow of a scene which
he has just gone through He moved however and began to arrange the letters
»Has Mrs Grandcourt been in here« said Sir Hugo
»Yes she has«
»Where are the others«
»I believe she left them somewhere in the grounds«
After a moments silence in which Sir Hugo looked at a letter without
reading it he said »I hope you are not playing with fire Dan you understand
me«
»I believe I do sir« said Deronda after a slight hesitation which had
some repressed anger in it »But there is nothing answering to your metaphor
no fire and therefore no chance of scorching«
Sir Hugo looked searchingly at him and then said »So much the better For
between ourselves I fancy there may be some hidden gunpowder in that
establishment«
Chapter XXXVII
Aspern Pardon my lord I speak for Sigismund
Fronsberg For him Oh ay for him I always hold
A pardon safe in bank sure he will draw
Sooner or later on me What his need
Mad project broken fine mechanic wings
That would not fly durance assault on watch
Bill for Epernay not a crust to eat
Aspern Oh none of these my lord he has escaped
From Circes herd and seeks to win the love
Of your fair ward Cecilia but would win
First your consent You frown
Fronsberg Distinguish words
I said I held a pardon not consent
In spite of Derondas reasons for wishing to be in town again reasons in which
his anxiety for Mirah was blent with curiosity to know more of the enigmatic
Mordecai he did not manage to go up before Sir Hugo who preceded his family
that he might be ready for the opening of Parliament on the 6th of February
Deronda took up his quarters in Park Lane aware that his chambers were
sufficiently tenanted by Hans Meyrick This was what he expected but he found
other things not altogether according to his expectations
Most of us remember Retzschs drawing of destiny in the shape of
Mephistopheles playing at chess with man for his soul a game in which we may
imagine the clever adversary making a feint of unintended moves so as to set the
beguiled mortal on carrying his defensive pieces away from the true point of
attack The fiend makes preparation his favourite object of mockery that he may
fatally persuade us against our best safeguard he even meddles so far as to
suggest our taking out waterproofs when he is well aware the sky is going to
clear foreseeing that the imbecile will turn this delusion into a prejudice
against waterproofs instead of giving a closer study to the weathersigns It is
a peculiar test of a mans metal when after he has painfully adjusted himself
to what seems a wise provision he finds all his mental precaution a little
beside the mark and his excellent intentions no better than miscalculated
dovetails accurately cut from a wrong startingpoint His magnanimity has got
itself ready to meet misbehaviour and finds quite a different call upon it
Something of this kind happened to Deronda
His first impression was one of pure pleasure and amusement at finding his
sittingroom transformed into an atelier strewed with miscellaneous drawings and
with the contents of two chests from Rome the lower half of the windows
darkened with baize and the blond Hans in his weird youth as the presiding
genius of the littered place his hair longer than of old his face more
whimsically creased and his high voice as usual getting higher under the
excitement of rapid talk The friendship of the two had been kept up warmly
since the memorable Cambridge time not only by correspondence but by little
episodes of companionship abroad and in England and the original relation of
confidence on one side and indulgence on the other had been developed in
practice as is wont to be the case where such spiritual borrowing and lending
has been well begun
»I knew you would like to see my casts and antiquities« said Hans after
the first hearty greetings and inquiries »so I didnt scruple to unlade my
chests here But Ive found two rooms at Chelsea not many hundred yards from my
mother and sisters and I shall soon be ready to hang out there when theyve
scraped the walls and put in some new lights Thats all Im waiting for But
you see I dont wait to begin work you cant conceive what a great fellow Im
going to be The seed of immortality has sprouted within me«
»Only a fungoid growth I daresay a crowing disease in the lungs« said
Deronda accustomed to treat Hans in brotherly fashion He was walking towards
some drawings propped on the ledge of his bookcases five rapidlysketched heads
different aspects of the same face He stood at a convenient distance from
them without making any remark Hans too was silent for a minute took up his
palette and began touching the picture on his easel
»What do you think of them« he said at last
»The full face looks too massive otherwise the likenesses are good« said
Deronda more coldly than was usual with him
»No it is not too massive« said Hans decisively »I have noted that
There is always a little surprise when one passes from the profile to the full
face But I shall enlarge her scale for Berenice I am making a Berenice series
look at the sketches along there and now I think of it you are just the
model I want for the Agrippa« Hans still with pencil and palette in hand had
moved to Derondas side while he said this but he added hastily as if
conscious of a mistake »No no I forgot you dont like sitting for your
portrait confound you However Ive picked up a capital Titus There are to be
five in the series The first is Berenice clasping the knees of Gessius Florus
and beseeching him to spare her people Ive got that on the easel Then this
where she is standing on the Xystus with Agrippa entreating the people not to
injure themselves by resistance«
»Agrippas legs will never do« said Deronda
»The legs are good realistically« said Hans his face creasing drolly
»public men are often shaky about the legs Their legs the emblem of their
various thought as somebody says in the Rehearsal«
»But these are as impossible as the legs of Raphaels Alcibiades« said
Deronda
»Then they are good ideally« said Hans »Agrippas legs were possibly bad
I idealise that and make them impossibly bad Art my Eugenius must intensify
But never mind the legs now the third sketch in the series is Berenice exulting
in the prospect of being Empress of Rome when the news has come that Vespasian
is declared Emperor and her lover Titus his successor«
»You must put a scroll in her mouth else people will not understand that
You cant tell that in a picture«
»It will make them feel their ignorance then an excellent æsthetic effect
The fourth is Titus sending Berenice away from Rome after she has shared his
palace for ten years both reluctant both sad invitus invitam as Suetonius
hath it Ive found a model for the Roman brute«
»Shall you make Berenice look fifty She must have been that«
»No no a few mature touches to show the lapse of time Darkeyed beauty
wears well hers particularly But now here is the fifth Berenice seated
lonely on the ruins of Jerusalem That is pure imagination That is what ought
to have been perhaps was Now see how I tell a pathetic negative Nobody
knows what became of her that is finely indicated by the series coming to a
close There is no sixth picture« Here Hans pretended to speak with a gasping
sense of sublimity and drew back his head with a frown as if looking for a
like impression on Deronda »I break off in the Homeric style The story is
chipped off so to speak and passes with a ragged edge into nothing le néant
can anything be more sublime especially in French The vulgar would desire to
see her corpse and burial perhaps her will read and her linen distributed But
now come and look at this on the easel I have made some way there«
»That beseeching attitude is really good« said Deronda after a moments
contemplation »You have been very industrious in the Christmas holidays for I
suppose you have taken up the subject since you came to London« Neither of them
had yet mentioned Mirah
»No« said Hans putting touches to his picture »I made up my mind to the
subject before I take that lucky chance for an augury that I am going to burst
on the world as a great painter I saw a splendid woman in the Trastevere the
grandest women there are half Jewesses and she set me hunting for a fine
situation of a Jewess at Rome Like other men of vast learning I ended by
taking what lay on the surface Ill show you a sketch of the Trasteverinas
head when I can lay my hands on it«
»I should think she would be a more suitable model for Berenice« said
Deronda not knowing exactly how to express his discontent
»Not a bit of it The model ought to be the most beautiful Jewess in the
world and I have found her«
»Have you made yourself sure that she would like to figure in that
character I should think no woman would be more abhorrent to her Does she
quite know what you are doing«
»Certainly I got her to throw herself precisely into this attitude Little
mother sat for Gessius Florus and Mirah clasped her knees« Here Hans went a
little way off and looked at the effect of his touches
»I daresay she knows nothing about Berenices history« said Deronda
feeling more indignation than he would have been able to justify
»Oh yes she does ladies edition Berenice was a fervid patriot but was
beguiled by love and ambition into attaching herself to the archenemy of her
people Whence the Nemesis Mirah takes it as a tragic parable and cries to
think what the penitent Berenice suffered as she wandered back to Jerusalem and
sat desolate amidst desolation That was her own phrase I couldnt find in my
heart to tell her I invented that part of the story«
»Show me your Trasteverina« said Deronda chiefly in order to hinder
himself from saying something else
»Shall you mind turning over that folio« said Hans »My studies of heads
are all there But they are in confusion You will perhaps find her next to a
cropeared undergraduate«
After Deronda had been turning over the drawings a minute or two he said
»These seem to be all Cambridge heads and bits of country Perhaps I had
better begin at the other end«
»No youll find her about the middle I emptied one folio into another«
»Is this one of your undergraduates« said Deronda holding up a drawing
»Its an unusually agreeable face«
»That Oh thats a man named Gascoigne Rex Gascoigne An uncommonly good
fellow his upper lip too is good I coached him before he got his
scholarship He ought to have taken honours last Easter But he was ill and has
had to stay up another year I must look him up I want to know how hes going
on«
»Here she is I suppose« said Deronda holding up a sketch of the
Trasteverina
»Ah« said Hans looking at it rather contemptuously »too coarse I was
unregenerate then«
Deronda was silent while he closed the folio leaving the Trasteverina
outside Then grasping his coatcollar and turning towards Hans he said »I
daresay my scruples are excessive Meyrick but I must ask you to oblige me by
giving up this notion«
Hans threw himself into a tragic attitude and screamed »What my series
my immortal Berenice series Think of what you are saying man destroying as
Milton says not a life but an immortality Wait before you answer that I may
deposit the implements of my art and be ready to uproot my hair«
Here Hans laid down his pencil and palette threw himself backward into a
great chair and hanging limply over the side shook his long hair half over his
face lifted his hooked fingers on each side his head and looked up with comic
terror at Deronda who was obliged to smile as he said
»Paint as many Berenices as you like but I wish you could feel with me
perhaps you will on reflection that you should choose another model«
»Why« said Hans standing up and looking serious again
»Because she may get into such a position that her face is likely to be
recognised Mrs Meyrick and I are anxious for her that she should be known as
an admirable singer It is right and she wishes it that she should make
herself independent And she has excellent chances One good introduction is
secured already And I am going to speak to Klesmer Her face may come to be
very well known and well it is useless to attempt to explain unless you
feel as I do I believe that if Mirah saw the circumstances clearly she would
strongly object to being exhibited in this way to allowing herself to be used
as a model for a heroine of this sort«
As Hans stood with his thumbs in the belt of his blouse listening to this
speech his face showed a growing surprise melting into amusement that at last
would have its way in an explosive laugh but seeing that Deronda looked gravely
offended he checked himself to say »Excuse my laughing Deronda You never
gave me an advantage over you before If it had been about anything but my own
pictures I should have swallowed every word because you said it And so you
actually believe that I should get my five pictures hung on the line in a
conspicuous position and carefully studied by the public Zounds man
cidercup and conceit never gave me half such a beautiful dream My pictures are
likely to remain as private as the utmost hypersensitiveness could desire«
Hans turned to paint again as a way of filling up awkward pauses Deronda
stood perfectly still recognising his mistake as to publicity but also
conscious that his repugnance was not much diminished He was the reverse of
satisfied either with himself or with Hans but the power of being quiet carries
a man well through moments of embarrassment Hans had a reverence for his friend
which made him feel a sort of shyness at Derondas being in the wrong but it
was not in his nature to give up anything readily though it were only a whim
or rather especially if it were a whim and he presently went on painting the
while
»But even supposing I had a public rushing after my pictures as if they were
a railway series including nurses babies and bonnetboxes I cant see any
justice in your objection Every painter worth remembering has painted the face
he admired most as often as he could It is a part of his soul that goes out
into his pictures He diffuses its influence in that way He puts what he hates
into a caricature He puts what he adores into some sacred heroic form If a
man could paint the woman he loves a thousand times as the Stella Maris to put
courage into the sailors on board a thousand ships so much the more honour to
her Isnt that better than painting a piece of staring immodesty and calling it
by a worshipful name«
»Every objection can be answered if you take broad ground enough Hans no
special question of conduct can be properly settled in that way« said Deronda
with a touch of peremptoriness »I might admit all your generalities and yet be
right in saying you ought not to publish Mirahs face as a model for Berenice
But I give up the question of publicity I was unreasonable there« Deronda
hesitated a moment »Still even as a private affair there might be good
reasons for your not indulging yourself too much in painting her from the point
of view you mention You must feel that her situation at present is a very
delicate one and until she is in more independence she should be kept as
carefully as a bit of Venetian glass for fear of shaking her out of the safe
place she is lodged in Are you quite sure of your own discretion Excuse me
Hans My having found her binds me to watch over her Do you understand me«
»Perfectly« said Hans turning his face into a goodhumoured smile »You
have the very justifiable opinion of me that I am likely to shatter all the
glass in my way and break my own skull into the bargain Quite fair Since I
got into the scrape of being born everything I have liked best has been a
scrape either for myself or somebody else Everything I have taken to heartily
has somehow turned into a scrape My painting is the last scrape and I shall be
all my life getting out of it You think now I shall get into a scrape at home
No I am regenerate You think I must be over head and ears in love with Mirah
Quite right so I am But you think I shall scream and plunge and spoil
everything There you are mistaken excusably but transcendently mistaken I
have undergone baptism by immersion Awe takes care of me Ask the little
mother«
»You dont reckon a hopeless love among your scrapes then« said Deronda
whose voice seemed to get deeper as Hanss went higher
»I dont mean to call mine hopeless« said Hans with provoking coolness
laying down his tools thrusting his thumbs into his belt and moving away a
little as if to contemplate his picture more deliberately
»My dear fellow you are only preparing misery for yourself« said Deronda
decisively »She would not marry a Christian even if she loved him Have you
heard her of course you have heard her speak of her people and her
religion«
»That cant last« said Hans »She will see no Jew who is tolerable Every
male of that race is insupportable insupportably advancing his nose«
»She may rejoin her family That is what she longs for Her mother and
brother are probably strict Jews«
»Ill turn proselyte if she wishes it« said Hans with a shrug and a laugh
»Dont talk nonsense Hans I thought you professed a serious love for her«
said Deronda getting heated
»So I do You think it desperate but I dont«
»I know nothing I cant tell what has happened We must be prepared for
surprises But I can hardly imagine a greater surprise to me than that there
should have seemed to be anything in Mirahs sentiments for you to found a
romantic hope on« Deronda felt that he was too contemptuous
»I dont found my romantic hopes on a womans sentiments« said Hans
perversely inclined to be the merrier when he was addressed with gravity »I go
to science and philosophy for my romance Nature designed Mirah to fall in love
with me The amalgamation of races demands it the mitigation of human ugliness
demands it the affinity of contrasts assures it I am the utmost contrast to
Mirah a bleached Christian who cant sing two notes in tune Who has a chance
against me«
»I see now it was all persiflage You dont mean a word of what you say
Meyrick« said Deronda laying his hand on Meyricks shoulder and speaking in a
tone of cordial relief »I was a wiseacre to answer you seriously«
»Upon my honour I do mean it though« said Hans facing round and laying
his left hand on Derondas shoulder so that their eyes fronted each other
closely »I am at the confessional I meant to tell you as soon as you came My
mother says you are Mirahs guardian and she thinks herself responsible to you
for every breath that falls on Mirah in her house Well I love her I worship
her I wont despair I mean to deserve her«
»My dear fellow you cant do it« said Deronda quickly
»I should have said I mean to try«
»You cant keep your resolve Hans You used to resolve what you would do
for your mother and sisters«
»You have a right to reproach me old fellow« said Hans gently
»Perhaps I am ungenerous« said Deronda not apologetically however »Yet
it cant be ungenerous to warn you that you are indulging mad Quixotic
expectations«
»Who will be hurt but myself then« said Hans putting out his lip »I am
not going to say anything to her unless I felt sure of the answer I dare not
ask the oracles I prefer a cheerful caliginosity as Sir Thomas Browne might
say I would rather run my chance there and lose than be sure of winning
anywhere else And I dont mean to swallow the poison of despair though you are
disposed to thrust it on me I am giving up wine so let me get a little drunk
on hope and vanity«
»With all my heart if it will do you any good« said Deronda loosing
Hanss shoulder with a little push He made his tone kindly but his words were
from the lip only As to his real feeling he was silenced
He was conscious of that peculiar irritation which will sometimes befall the
man whom others are inclined to trust as a mentor the irritation of perceiving
that he is supposed to be entirely off the same plane of desire and temptation
as those who confess to him Our guides we pretend must be sinless as if
those were not often the best teachers who only yesterday got corrected for
their mistakes Throughout their friendship Deronda had been used to Hanss
egotism but he had never before felt intolerant of it when Hans habitually
pouring out his own feelings and affairs had never cared for any detail in
return and if he chanced to know any had soon forgotten it Deronda had been
inwardly as well as outwardly indulgent nay satisfied But now he noted with
some indignation all the stronger because it must not be betrayed Hanss
evident assumption that for any danger of rivalry or jealousy in relation to
Mirah Deronda was as much out of the question as the angel Gabriel It is one
thing to be resolute in placing ones self out of the question and another to
endure that others should perform that exclusion for us He had expected that
Hans would give him trouble what he had not expected was that the trouble would
have a strong element of personal feeling And he was rather ashamed that Hanss
hopes caused him uneasiness in spite of his wellwarranted conviction that they
would never be fulfilled They had raised an image of Mirah changing and
however he might protest that the change would not happen the protest kept up
the unpleasant image Altogether poor Hans seemed to be entering into Derondas
experience in a disproportionate manner going beyond his part of rescued
prodigal and rousing a feeling quite distinct from compassionate affection
When Deronda went to Chelsea he was not made as comfortable as he ought to
have been by Mrs Meyricks evident release from anxiety about the beloved but
incalculable son Mirah seemed livelier than before and for the first time he
saw her laugh It was when they were talking of Hans he being naturally the
mothers first topic Mirah wished to know if Deronda had seen Mr Hans going
through a sort of character piece without changing his dress
»He passes from one figure to another as if he were a bit of flame where you
fancied the figures without seeing them« said Mirah full of her subject »he
is so wonderfully quick I used never to like comic things on the stage they
were dwelt on too long but all in one minute Mr Hans makes himself a blind
bard and then Rienzi addressing the Romans and then an operadancer and then
a desponding young gentleman I am sorry for them all and yet I laugh all in
one« here Mirah gave a little laugh that might have entered into a song
»We hardly thought that Mirah could laugh till Hans came« said Mrs
Meyrick seeing that Deronda like herself was observing the pretty picture
»Hans seems in great force just now« said Deronda in a tone of
congratulation »I dont wonder at his enlivening you«
»Hes been just perfect ever since he came back« said Mrs Meyrick keeping
to herself the next clause »if it will but last«
»It is a great happiness« said Mirah »to see the son and brother come into
this dear home And I hear them all talk about what they did together when they
were little That seems like heaven to have a mother and brother who talk in
that way I have never had it«
»Nor I« said Deronda involuntarily
»No« said Mirah regretfully »I wish you had I wish you had had every
good« The last words were uttered with a serious ardour as if they had been
part of a litany while her eyes were fixed on Deronda who with his elbow on
the back of his chair was contemplating her by the new light of the impression
she had made on Hans and the possibility of her being attracted by that
extraordinary contrast It was no more than what had happened on each former
visit of his that Mirah appeared to enjoy speaking of what she felt very much
as a little girl fresh from school pours forth spontaneously all the
longrepressed chat for which she has found willing ears For the first time in
her life Mirah was among those whom she entirely trusted and her original
visionary impression that Deronda was a divinelysent messenger hung about his
image still stirring always anew the disposition to reliance and openness It
was in this way she took what might have been the injurious flattery of admiring
attention into which her helpless dependence had been suddenly transformed
every one around her watched for her looks and words and the effect on her was
simply that of having passed from a stifling imprisonment into an exhilarating
air which made speech and action a delight To her mind it was all a gift from
others goodness But that word of Derondas implying that there had been some
lack in his life which might be compared with anything she had known in hers
was an entirely new inlet of thought about him After her first expression of
sorrowful surprise she went on
»But Mr Hans said yesterday that you thought so much of others you hardly
wanted anything for yourself He told us a wonderful story of Bouddha giving
himself to the famished tigress to save her and her little ones from starving
And he said you were like Bouddha That is what we all imagine of you«
»Pray dont imagine that« said Deronda who had lately been finding such
suppositions rather exasperating »Even if it were true that I thought so much
of others it would not follow that I had no wants for myself When Bouddha let
the tigress eat him he might have been very hungry himself«
»Perhaps if he was starved he would not mind so much about being eaten«
said Mab shyly
»Please dont think that Mab it takes away the beauty of the action« said
Mirah
»But if it were true Mirah« said the rational Amy having a halfholiday
from her teaching »you always take what is beautiful as if it were true«
»So it is« said Mirah gently »If people have thought what is the most
beautiful and the best thing it must be true It is always there«
»Now Mirah what do you mean« said Amy
»I understand her« said Deronda coming to the rescue »It is a truth in
thought though it may never have been carried out in action It lives as an
idea Is that it« He turned to Mirah who was listening with a blind look in
her lovely eyes
»It must be that because you understand me but I cannot quite explain«
said Mirah rather abstractedly still searching for some expression
»But was it beautiful for Bouddha to let the tiger eat him« said Amy
changing her ground »It would be a bad pattern«
»The world would get full of fat tigers« said Mab
Deronda laughed but defended the myth »It is like a passionate word« he
said »the exaggeration is a flash of fervour It is an extreme image of what is
happening every day the transmutation of self«
»I think I can say what I mean now« said Mirah who had not heard the
intermediate talk »When the best thing comes into our thoughts it is like what
my mother has been to me She has been just as really with me as all the other
people about me often more really with me«
Deronda inwardly wincing under this illustration which brought other
possible realities about that mother vividly before him presently turned the
conversation by saying »But we must not get too far away from practical
matters I came for one thing to tell of an interview I had yesterday which I
hope Mirah will find to have been useful to her It was with Klesmer the great
pianist«
»Ah« said Mrs Meyrick with satisfaction »You think he will help her«
»I hope so He is very much occupied but has promised to fix a time for
receiving and hearing Miss Lapidoth as we must learn to call her« here
Deronda smiled at Mirah »if she consents to go to him«
»I shall be very grateful« said Mirah calmly »He wants to hear me sing
before he can judge whether I ought to be helped«
Deronda was struck with her plain sense about these matters of practical
concern
»It will not be at all trying to you I hope if Mrs Meyrick will kindly go
with you to Klesmers house«
»Oh no not at all trying I have been doing that all my life I mean told
to do things that others may judge of me And I have gone through a bad trial of
that sort I am prepared to bear it and do some very small thing Is Klesmer a
severe man«
»He is peculiar but I have not had experience enough of him to know whether
he would be what you would call severe I know he is kindhearted kind in
action if not in speech«
»I have been used to be frowned at and not praised« said Mirah
»By the by Klesmer frowns a good deal« said Deronda »but there is often a
sort of smile in his eyes all the while Unhappily he wears spectacles so you
must catch him in the right light to see the smile«
»I shall not be frightened« said Mirah »If he were like a roaring lion he
only wants me to sing I shall do what I can«
»Then I feel sure you will not mind being invited to sing in Lady
Mallingers drawingroom« said Deronda »She intends to ask you next month and
will invite many ladies to hear you who are likely to want lessons from you for
their daughters«
»How fast we are mounting« said Mrs Meyrick with delight »You never
thought of getting grand so quickly Mirah«
»I am a little frightened at being called Miss Lapidoth« said Mirah
colouring with a new uneasiness »Might I be called Cohen«
»I understand you« said Deronda promptly »But I assure you you must not
be called Cohen The name is inadmissible for a singer This is one of the
trifles in which we must conform to vulgar prejudice We could choose some other
name however such as singers ordinarily choose an Italian or Spanish name
which would suit your physique« To Deronda just now the name Cohen was
equivalent to the ugliest of yellow badges
Mirah reflected a little anxiously then said »No If Cohen will not do I
will keep the name I have been called by I will not hide myself I have friends
to protect me And now if my father were very miserable and wanted help no«
she said looking at Mrs Meyrick »I should think then that he was perhaps
crying as I used to see him and had nobody to pity him and I had hidden myself
from him He had none belonging to him but me Others that made friends with him
always left him«
»Keep to what you feel right my dear child« said Mrs Meyrick »I would
not persuade you to the contrary« For her own part she had no patience or pity
for that father and would have left him to his crying
Deronda was saying to himself »I am rather base to be angry with Hans How
can he help being in love with her But it is too absurdly presumptuous for him
even to frame the idea of appropriating her and a sort of blasphemy to suppose
that she could possibly give herself to him«
What would it be for Daniel Deronda to entertain such thoughts He was not
one who could quite naïvely introduce himself where he had just excluded his
friend yet it was undeniable that what had just happened made a new stage in
his feeling towards Mirah But apart from other grounds for selfrepression
reasons both definite and vague made him shut away that question as he might
have shut up a halfopened writing that would have carried his imagination too
far and given too much shape to presentiments Might there not come a disclosure
which would hold the missing determination of his course What did he really
know about his origin Strangely in these latter months when it seemed right
that he should exert his will in the choice of a destination the passion of his
nature had got more and more locked by this uncertainty The disclosure might
bring its pain indeed the likelihood seemed to him to be all on that side but
if it helped him to make his life a sequence which would take the form of duty
if it saved him from having to make an arbitrary selection where he felt no
preponderance of desire Still more he wanted to escape standing as a critic
outside the activities of men stiffened into the ridiculous attitude of
selfassigned superiority His chief tether was his early inwrought affection
for Sir Hugo making him gratefully deferential to wishes with which he had
little agreement but gratitude had been sometimes disturbed by doubts which
were near reducing it to a fear of being ungrateful Many of us complain that
half our birthright is sharp duty Deronda was more inclined to complain that he
was robbed of this half yet he accused himself as he would have accused
another of being weakly selfconscious and wanting in resolve He was the
reverse of that type painted for us in Faulconbridge and Edmund of Gloster
whose coarse ambition for personal success is inflamed by a defiance of
accidental disadvantages To Daniel the words Father and Mother had the
altarfire in them and the thought of all closest relations of our nature held
still something of the mystic power which had made his neck and ears burn in
boyhood The average man may regard this sensibility on the question of birth as
preposterous and hardly credible but with the utmost respect for his knowledge
as the rock from which all other knowledge is hewn it must be admitted that
many wellproved facts are dark to the average man even concerning the action
of his own heart and the structure of his own retina A century ago he and all
his forefathers had not had the slightest notion of that electric discharge by
means of which they had all wagged their tongues mistakenly any more than they
were awake to the secluded anguish of exceptional sensitiveness into which many
a carelesslybegotten child of man is born
Perhaps the ferment was all the stronger in Derondas mind because he had
never had a confidant to whom he could open himself on these delicate subjects
He had always been leaned on instead of being invited to lean Sometimes he had
longed for the sort of friend to whom he might possibly unfold his experience a
young man like himself who sustained a private grief and was not too confident
about his own career speculative enough to understand every moral difficulty
yet socially susceptible as he himself was and having every outward sign of
equality either in bodily or spiritual wrestling for he had found it
impossible to reciprocate confidences with one who looked up to him But he had
no expectation of meeting the friend he imagined Derondas was not one of those
quiveringlypoised natures that lend themselves to secondsight
Chapter XXXVIII
There be who hold that the deeper tragedy were a Prometheus Bound
not after but before he had well got the celestial fire into the
narthx whereby it might be conveyed to mortals thrust by the Kratos
and Bia of instituted methods into a solitude of despised ideas
fastened in throbbing helplessness by the fatal pressure of poverty
and disease a solitude where many pass by but none regard
Secondsight is a flag over disputed ground But it is matter of knowledge that
there are persons whose yearnings conceptions nay travelled conclusions
continually take the form of images which have a foreshadowing power the deed
they would do starts up before them in complete shape making a coercive type
the event they hunger for or dread rises into vision with a seedlike growth
feeding itself fast on unnumbered impressions They are not always the less
capable of the argumentative process nor less sane than the commonplace
calculators of the market sometimes it may be that their natures have manifold
openings like the hundredgated Thebes where there may naturally be a greater
and more miscellaneous inrush than through a narrow beadlewatched portal No
doubt there are abject specimens of the visionary as there is a minim mammal
which you might imprison in the finger of your glove That small relative of the
elephant has no harm in him but what great mental or social type is free from
specimens whose insignificance is both ugly and noxious One is afraid to think
of all that the genus patriot embraces or of the elbowing there might be at the
day of judgment for those who ranked as authors and brought volumes either in
their hands or on trucks
This apology for inevitable kinship is meant to usher in some facts about
Mordecai whose figure had bitten itself into Derondas mind as a new question
which he felt an interest in getting answered But the interest was no more than
a vaguelyexpectant suspense the consumptivelooking Jew apparently a fervid
student of some kind getting his crust by a quiet handicraft like Spinoza
fitted into none of Derondas anticipations
It was otherwise with the effect of their meeting on Mordecai For many
winters while he had been conscious of an ebbing physical life and a widening
spiritual loneliness all his passionate desire had concentred itself in the
yearning for some young ear into which he could pour his mind as a testament
some soul kindred enough to accept the spiritual product of his own brief
painful life as a mission to be executed It was remarkable that the
hopefulness which is often the beneficent illusion of consumptive patients was
in Mordecai wholly diverted from the prospect of bodily recovery and carried
into the current of this yearning for transmission The yearning which had
panted upward from out of overwhelming discouragements had grown into a hope
the hope into a confident belief which instead of being checked by the clear
conception he had of his hastening decline took rather the intensity of
expectant faith in a prophecy which has only brief space to get fulfilled in
Some years had now gone since he had first begun to measure men with a keen
glance searching for a possibility which became more and more a distinct
conception Such distinctness as it had at first was reached chiefly by a method
of contrast he wanted to find a man who differed from himself Tracing reasons
in that self for the rebuffs he had met with and the hindrances that beset him
he imagined a man who would have all the elements necessary for sympathy with
him but in an embodiment unlike his own he must be a Jew intellectually
cultured morally fervid in all this a nature ready to be plenished from
Mordecais but his face and frame must be beautiful and strong he must have
been used to all the refinements of social life his voice must flow with a full
and easy current his circumstances be free from sordid need he must glorify
the possibilities of the Jew not sit and wander as Mordecai did bearing the
stamp of his people amid the signs of poverty and waning breath Sensitive to
physical characteristics he had both abroad and in England looked at pictures
as well as men and in a vacant hour he had sometimes lingered in the National
Gallery in search of paintings which might feed his hopefulness with grave and
noble types of the human form such as might well belong to men of his own race
But he returned in disappointment The instances are scattered but thinly over
the galleries of Europe in which the fortune or selection even of the chief
masters has given to Art a face at once young grand and beautiful where if
there is any melancholy it is no feeble passivity but enters into the
foreshadowed capability of heroism
Some observant persons may perhaps remember his emaciated figure and dark
eyes deep in their sockets as he stood in front of a picture that had touched
him either to new or habitual meditation he commonly wore a cloth cap with
black fur round it which no painter would have asked him to take off But
spectators would be likely to think of him as an oddlooking Jew who probably
got money out of pictures and Mordecai when he noticed them was perfectly
aware of the impression he made Experience had rendered him morbidly alive to
the effect of a mans poverty and other physical disadvantages in cheapening his
ideas unless they are those of a Peter the Hermit who has a tocsin for the
rabble But he was too sane and generous to attribute his spiritual banishment
solely to the excusable prejudices of others certain incapacities of his own
had made the sentence of exclusion and hence it was that his imagination had
constructed another man who would be something more ample than the second soul
bestowed according to the notion of the Cabbalists to help out the
insufficient first who would be a blooming human life ready to incorporate
all that was worthiest in an existence whose visible palpable part was burning
itself fast away His inward need for the conception of this expanded prolonged
self was reflected as an outward necessity The thoughts of his heart that
ancient phrase best shadows the truth seemed to him too precious too closely
inwoven with the growth of things not to have a further destiny And as the more
beautiful the stronger the more executive self took shape in his mind he
loved it beforehand with an affection half identifying half contemplative and
grateful
Mordecais mind wrought so constantly in images that his coherent trains of
thought often resembled the significant dreams attributed to sleepers by waking
persons in their most inventive moments nay they often resembled genuine
dreams in their way of breaking off the passage from the known to the unknown
Thus for a long while he habitually thought of the Being answering to his need
as one distantly approaching or turning his back towards him darkly painted
against a golden sky The reason of the golden sky lay in one of Mordecais
habits He was keenly alive to some poetic aspects of London and a favourite
resort of his when strength and leisure allowed was to some one of the
bridges especially about sunrise or sunset Even when he was bending over
watchwheels and trinkets or seated in a small upper room looking out on dingy
bricks and dingy cracked windows his imagination spontaneously planted him on
some spot where he had a farstretching scene his thought went on in wide
spaces and whenever he could he tried to have in reality the influences of a
large sky Leaning on the parapet of Blackfriars Bridge and gazing
meditatively the breadth and calm of the river with its long vista half hazy
half luminous the grand dim masses or tell forms of buildings which were the
signs of worldcommerce the oncoming of boats and barges from the still
distance into sound and colour entered into his mood and blent themselves
indistinguishably with his thinking as a fine symphony to which we can hardly
be said to listen makes a medium that bears up our spiritual wings Thus it
happened that the figure representative of Mordecais longing was mentally seen
darkened by the excess of light in the aerial background But in the inevitable
progress of his imagination towards fuller detail he ceased to see the figure
with its back towards him It began to advance and a face became discernible
the words youth beauty refinement Jewish birth noble gravity turned into
hardly individual but typical form and colour gathered from his memory of faces
seen among the Jews of Holland and Bohemia and from the paintings which revived
that memory Reverently let it be said of this mature spiritual need that it was
akin to the boys and girls picturing of the future beloved but the stirrings
of such young desire are feeble compared with the passionate current of an ideal
life straining to embody itself made intense by resistance to imminent
dissolution The visionary form became a companion and auditor keeping a place
not only in the waking imagination but in those dreams of lighter slumber of
which it is truest to say »I sleep but my heart waketh« when the disturbing
trivial story of yesterday is charged with the impassioned purpose of years
Of late the urgency of irredeemable time measured by the gradual choking of
life had turned Mordecais trust into an agitated watch for the fulfilment that
must be at hand Was the bell on the verge of tolling the sentence about to be
executed The deliverers footstep must be near the deliverer who was to
rescue Mordecais spiritual travail from oblivion and give it an abiding place
in the best heritage of his people An insane exaggeration of his own value
even if his ideas had been as true and precious as those of Columbus or Newton
many would have counted this yearning taking it as the sublimer part for a man
to say »If not I then another« and to hold cheap the meaning of his own life
But the fuller nature desires to be an agent to create and not merely to look
on strong love hungers to bless and not merely to behold blessing And while
there is warmth enough in the sun to feed an energetic life there will still be
men to feel »I am lord of this moments change and will charge it with my
soul«
But with that mingling of inconsequence which belongs to us all and not
unhappily since it saves us from many effects of mistake Mordecais confidence
in the friend to come did not suffice to make him passive and he tried
expedients pathetically humble such as happened to be within his reach for
communicating something of himself It was now two years since he had taken up
his abode under Ezra Cohens roof where he was regarded with much goodwill as a
compound of workman dominie vessel of charity inspired idiot man of piety
and if he were inquired into dangerous heretic During that time little Jacob
had advanced into knickerbockers and into that quickness of apprehension which
has been already made manifest in relation to hardware and exchange He had also
advanced in attachment to Mordecai regarding him as an inferior but liking him
none the worse and taking his helpful cleverness as he might have taken the
services of an enslaved Djinn As for Mordecai he had given Jacob his first
lessons and his habitual tenderness easily turned into the teachers
fatherhood Though he was fully conscious of the spiritual distance between the
parents and himself and would never have attempted any communication to them
from his peculiar world the boy moved him with that idealising affection which
merges the qualities of the individual child in the glory of childhood and the
possibilities of a long future And this feeling had drawn him on at first
without premeditation and afterwards with conscious purpose to a sort of
outpouring in the ear of the boy which might have seemed wild enough to any
excellent man of business who overheard it But none overheard when Jacob went
up to Mordecais room on a day for example in which there was little work to
be done or at an hour when the work was ended and after a brief lesson in
English reading or in numeration was induced to remain standing at his
teachers knees or chose to jump astride them often to the patient fatigue of
the wasted limbs The inducement was perhaps the mending of a toy or some
little mechanical device in which Mordecais wellpractised fingertips had an
exceptional skill and with the boy thus tethered he would begin to repeat a
Hebrew poem of his own into which years before he had poured his first youthful
ardours for that conception of a blended past and future which was the mistress
of his soul telling Jacob to say the words after him
»The boy will get them engraved within him« thought Mordecai »it is a way
of printing«
None readier than Jacob at this fascinating game of imitating unintelligible
words and if no opposing diversion occurred he would sometimes carry on his
share in it as long as the teachers breath would last out For Mordecai threw
into each repetition the fervour befitting a sacred occasion In such instances
Jacob would show no other distraction than reaching out and surveying the
contents of his pockets or drawing down the skin of his cheeks to make his eyes
look awful and rolling his head to complete the effect or alternately handling
his own nose and Mordecais as if to test the relation of their masses Under
all this the fervid reciter would not pause satisfied if the young organs of
speech would submit themselves But most commonly a sudden impulse sent Jacob
leaping away into some antic or active amusement when instead of following the
recitation he would return upon the foregoing words most ready to his tongue
and mouth or gabble with a seesaw suited to the action of his limbs a verse
on which Mordecai had spent some of his too scanty hearts blood Yet he waited
with such patience as a prophet needs and began his strange printing again
undiscouraged on the morrow saying inwardly
»My words may rule him some day Their meaning may flash out on him It is
so with a nation after many days«
Meanwhile Jacobs sense of power was increased and his time enlivened by a
store of magical articulation with which he made the baby crow or drove the
large cat into a dark corner or promised himself to frighten any incidental
Christian of his own years One week he had unfortunately seen a street
mountebank and this carried off his muscular imitativeness in sad divergence
from New Hebrew poetry after the model of Jehuda haLevi Mordecai had arrived
at a fresh passage in his poem for as soon as Jacob had got well used to one
portion he was led on to another and a fresh combination of sounds generally
answered better in keeping him fast for a few minutes The consumptive voice
originally a strong high baritone with its variously mingling hoarseness like a
haze amidst illuminations and its occasional incipient gasp had more than the
usual excitement while it gave forth Hebrew verses with a meaning something
like this
»Away from me the garment of forgetfulness
Withering the heart
The oil and wine from presses of the Goyim
Poisoned with scorn
Solitude is on the sides of Mount Nebo
In its heart a tomb
There the buried ark and golden cherubim
Make hidden light
There the solemn faces gaze unchanged
The wings are spread unbroken
Shut beneath in silent awful speech
The Law lies graven
Solitude and darkness are my covering
And my heart a tomb
Smite and shatter it O Gabriel
Shatter it as the clay of the founder
Around the golden image«
In the absorbing enthusiasm with which Mordecai had intoned rather than spoken
this last invocation he was unconscious that Jacob had ceased to follow him and
had started away from his knees but pausing he saw as by a sudden flash that
the lad had thrown himself on his hands with his feet in the air mountebank
fashion and was picking up with his lips a bright farthing which was a
favourite among his pocket treasures This might have been reckoned among the
tricks Mordecai was used to but at this moment it jarred him horribly as if it
had been a Satanic grin upon his prayer
»Child child« he called out with a strange cry that startled Jacob to his
feet and then he sank backward with a shudder closing his eyes
»What« said Jacob quickly Then not getting an immediate answer he
pressed Mordecais knees with a shaking movement in order to rouse him
Mordecai opened his eyes with a fierce expression in them leaned forward
grasped the little shoulders and said in a quick hoarse whisper
»A curse is on your generation child They will open the mountain and drag
forth the golden wings and coin them into money and the solemn faces they will
break up into earrings for wanton women And they shall get themselves a new
name but the angel of ignominy with the fiery brand shall know them and
their heart shall be the tomb of dead desires that turn their life to
rottenness«
The aspect and action of Mordecai were so new and mysterious to Jacob they
carried such a burthen of obscure threat it was as if the patient indulgent
companion had turned into something unknown and terrific the sunken dark eyes
and hoarse accents close to him the thin grappling fingers shook Jacobs
little frame into awe and while Mordecai was speaking he stood trembling with a
sense that the house was tumbling in and they were not going to have dinner any
more But when the terrible speech had ended and the pinch was relaxed the
shock resolved itself into tears Jacob lifted up his small patriarchal
countenance and wept aloud This sign of childish grief at once recalled
Mordecai to his usual gentle self he was not able to speak again at present
but with a maternal action he drew the curly head towards him and pressed it
tenderly against his breast On this Jacob feeling the danger wellnigh over
howled at ease beginning to imitate his own performance and improve upon it a
sort of transition from impulse into art often observable Indeed the next day
he undertook to terrify Adelaide Rebekah in like manner and succeeded very
well
But Mordecai suffered a check which lasted long from the consciousness of a
misapplied agitation sane as well as excitable he judged severely his moments
of aberration into futile eagerness and felt discredited with himself All the
more his mind was strained towards the discernment of that friend to come with
whom he would have a calm certainty of fellowship and understanding
It was just then that in his usual midday guardianship of the old
bookshop he was struck by the appearance of Deronda and it is perhaps
comprehensible now why Mordecais glance took on a sudden eager interest as he
looked at the newcomer he saw a face and frame which seemed to him to realise
the longconceived type But the disclaimer of Jewish birth was for the moment a
backward thrust of double severity the particular disappointment tending to
shake his confidence in the more indefinite expectation Nevertheless when he
found Deronda seated at the Cohens table the disclaimer was for the moment
nullified the first impression returned with added force seeming to be
guaranteed by this second meeting under circumstances more peculiar than the
former and in asking Deronda if he knew Hebrew Mordecai was so possessed by
the new inrush of belief that he had forgotten the absence of any other
condition to the fulfilment of his hopes But the answering »No« struck them all
down again and the frustration was more painful than before After turning his
back on the visitor that Sabbath evening Mordecai went through days of a deep
discouragement like that of men on a doomed ship who having strained their
eyes after a sail and beheld it with rejoicing behold it never advance and
say »Our sick eyes make it« But the longcontemplated figure had come as an
emotional sequence of Mordecais firmest theoretic convictions it had been
wrought from the imagery of his most passionate life and it inevitably
reappeared reappeared in a more specific selfasserting form than ever
Deronda had that sort of resemblance to the preconceived type which a finely
individual bust or portrait has to the more generalised copy left in our minds
after a long interval we renew our memory with delight but we hardly know with
how much correction And now his face met Mordecais inward gaze as if it had
always belonged to the awaited friend raying out moreover some of that
influence which belongs to breathing flesh till byandby it seemed that
discouragement had turned into a new obstinacy of resistance and the
everrecurrent vision had the force of an outward call to disregard
counterevidence and keep expectation awake It was Deronda now who was seen in
the often painful nightwatches when we are all liable to be held with the
clutch of a single thought whose figure never with its back turned was seen
in moments of soothed reverie or soothed dozing painted on that golden sky
which was the doubly blessed symbol of advancing day and of approaching rest
Mordecai knew that the nameless stranger was to come and redeem his ring
and in spite of contrary chances the wish to see him again was growing into a
belief that he should see him In the January weeks he felt an increasing
agitation of that subdued hidden quality which hinders nervous people from any
steady occupation on the eve of an anticipated change He could not go on with
his printing of Hebrew on little Jacobs mind or with his attendance at a
weekly club which was another effort of the same forlorn hope something else
was coming The one thing he longed for was to get as far as the river which he
could do but seldom and with difficulty He yearned with a poets yearning for
the wide sky the farreaching vista of bridges the tender and fluctuating
lights on the water which seems to breathe with a life that can shiver and
mourn be comforted and rejoice
Chapter XXXIX
»Vor den Wissenden sich stellen
Sicher ists in allen Fällen
Wenn du lange dich gequälet
Weiss er gleich wo dir es fehlet
Auch auf Beifall darfst du hoffen
Denn er weiss wo dus getroffen«
Goethe Westöstlicher Divan
Momentous things happened to Deronda the very evening of that visit to the small
house at Chelsea when there was the discussion about Mirahs public name But
for the family group there what appeared to be the chief sequence connected
with it occurred two days afterwards About four oclock wheels paused before
the door and there came one of those knocks with an accompanying ring which
serve to magnify the sense of social existence in a region where the most
enlivening signals are usually those of the muffinman All the girls were at
home and the two rooms were thrown together to make space for Kates drawing
as well as a great length of embroidery which had taken the place of the satin
cushions a sort of pièce de résistance in the courses of needlework taken up
by any clever fingers that happened to be at liberty It stretched across the
front room picturesquely enough Mrs Meyrick bending over it at one corner Mab
in the middle and Amy at the other end Mirah whose performances in point of
sewing were on the makeshift level of the tailorbirds her education in that
branch having been much neglected was acting as reader to the party seated on
a campstool in which position she also served Kate as model for a titlepage
vignette symbolising a fair public absorbed in the successive volumes of the
Family Teatable She was giving forth with charming distinctness the delightful
Essay of Elia »The Praise of ChimneySweeps« and all were smiling over the
innocent blacknesses when the imposing knock and ring called their thoughts to
loftier spheres and they looked up in wonderment
»Dear me« said Mrs Meyrick »can it be Lady Mallinger Is there a grand
carriage Amy«
»No only a hansom cab It must be a gentleman«
»The Prime Minister I should think« said Kate drily »Hans says the
greatest man in London may get into a hansom cab«
»Oh oh oh« cried Mab »Suppose it should be Lord Russell«
The five bright faces were all looking amused when the old maidservant
bringing in a card distractedly left the parlourdoor open and there was seen
bowing towards Mrs Meyrick a figure quite unlike that of the respected Premier
tall and physically impressive even in his kid and kerseymere with massive
face flamboyant hair and gold spectacles in fact as Mrs Meyrick saw from
the card Julius Klesmer
Even embarrassment could hardly have made the little mother awkward but
quick in her perceptions she was at once aware of the situation and felt well
satisfied that the great personage had come to Mirah instead of requiring her to
come to him taking it as a sign of active interest But when he entered the
rooms shrank into closets the cottage piano Mab thought seemed a ridiculous
toy and the entire family existence as petty and private as an establishment of
mice in the Tuileries Klesmers personality especially his way of glancing
round him immediately suggested vast areas and a multitudinous audience and
probably they made the usual scenery of his consciousness for we all of us
carry on our thinking in some habitual locus where there is a presence of other
souls and those who take in a larger sweep than their neighbours are apt to
seem mightily vain and affected Klesmer was vain but not more so than many
contemporaries of heavy aspect whose vanity leaps out and startles one like a
spear out of a walkingstick as to his carriage and gestures these were as
natural to him as the length of his fingers and the rankest affectation he
could have shown would have been to look diffident and demure While his
grandiose air was making Mab feel herself a ridiculous toy to match the cottage
piano he was taking in the details around him with a keen and thoroughly kind
sensibility He remembered a home no larger than this on the outskirts of
Bohemia and in the figurative Bohemia too he had had large acquaintance with
the variety and romance which belong to small incomes He addressed Mrs Meyrick
with the utmost deference
»I hope I have not taken too great a freedom Being in the neighbourhood I
ventured to save time by calling Our friend Mr Deronda mentioned to me an
understanding that I was to have the honour of becoming acquainted with a young
lady here Miss Lapidoth«
Klesmer had really discerned Mirah in the first moment of entering but with
subtle politeness he looked round bowingly at the three sisters as if he were
uncertain which was the young lady in question
»Those are my daughters this is Miss Lapidoth« said Mrs Meyrick waving
her hand towards Mirah
»Ah« said Klesmer in a tone of gratified expectation turning a radiant
smile and deep bow to Mirah who instead of being in the least taken by
surprise had a calm pleasure in her face She liked the look of Klesmer
feeling sure that he would scold her like a great musician and a kind man
»You will not object to beginning our acquaintance by singing to me« he
added aware that they would all be relieved by getting rid of preliminaries
»I shall be very glad It is good of you to be willing to listen to me«
said Mirah moving to the piano »Shall I accompany myself«
»By all means« said Klesmer seating himself at Mrs Meyricks invitation
where he could have a good view of the singer The acute little mother would not
have acknowledged the weakness but she really said to herself »He will like
her singing better if he sees her«
All the feminine hearts except Mirahs were beating fast with anxiety
thinking Klesmer terrific as he sat with his listening frown on and only daring
to look at him furtively If he did say anything severe it would be so hard for
them all They could only comfort themselves with thinking that Prince
Camaralzaman who had heard the finest things preferred Mirahs singing to any
other also she appeared to be doing her very best as if she were more
instead of less at ease that usual
The song she had chosen was a fine setting of some words selected from
Leopardis grand Ode to Italy
»O patria mia vedo le mura e gli archi
E le colonne e i simulacri e lerme
Torri degli avi nostri«
This was recitative then followed
»Ma la gloria non vedo«
a mournful melody a rhythmic plaint After this came a climax of devout triumph
passing from the subdued adoration of a happy Andante in the words
»Beatissimi voi
Che offriste il petto alle nemiche lance
Per amor di costei che al sol vi diede«
to the joyous outburst of an exultant Allegro in
»Oh viva oh viva
Beatissimi voi
Mentre nel mondo si favelli o scriva«
When she had ended Klesmer said after a moment
»That is Joseph Leos music«
»Yes he was my lost master at Vienna so fierce and so good« said Mirah
with a melancholy smile »He prophesied that my voice would not do for the
stage And he was right«
»Continue if you please« said Klesmer putting out his lips and shaking
his long fingers while he went on with a smothered articulation quite
unintelligible to the audience
The three girls detested him unanimously for not saying one word of praise
Mrs Meyrick was a little alarmed
Mirah simply bent on doing what Klesmer desired and imagining that he
would now like to hear her sing some German went through Prince Radzivills
music to Gretchens songs in the »Faust« one after the other without any
interrogatory pause When she had finished he rose and walked to the extremity
of the small space at command then walked back to the piano where Mirah had
risen from her seat and stood looking towards him with her little hands crossed
before her meekly awaiting judgment then with a sudden unknitting of his brow
and with beaming eyes he put out his hand and said abruptly »Let us shake
hands you are a musician«
Mab felt herself beginning to cry and all the three girls held Klesmer
adorable Mrs Meyrick took a long breath
But straightway the frown came again the long hand back uppermost was
stretched out in quite a different sense to touch with fingertip the back of
Mirahs and with protruded lip he said
»Not for great tasks No high roofs We are no skylarks We must be modest«
Klesmer paused here And Mab ceased to think him adorable as if Mirah had shown
the least sign of conceit
Mirah was silent knowing that there was a specific opinion to be waited
for and Klesmer presently went on
»I would not advise I would not further your singing in any larger space
than a private drawingroom But you will do there And here in London that is
one of the best careers open Lessons will follow Will you come and sing at a
private concert at my house on Wednesday«
»Oh I shall be grateful« said Mirah putting her hands together devoutly
»I would rather get my bread in that way than by anything more public I will
try to improve What should I work at most«
Klesmer made a preliminary answer in noises which sounded like words bitten
in two and swallowed before they were half out shaking his fingers the while
before he said quite distinctly »I shall introduce you to Astorga he is the
fosterfather of good singing and will give you advice« Then addressing Mrs
Meyrick he added »Mrs Klesmer will call before Wednesday with your
permission«
»We shall feel that to be a great kindness« said Mrs Meyrick
»You will sing to her« said Klesmer turning again to Mirah »She is a
thorough musician and has a soul with more ears to it than you will often get
in a musician Your singing will satisfy her
Vor den Wissenden sich stellen
you know the rest«
»Sicher ists in allen Fällen«
said Mirah promptly And Klesmer saying »Schön« put out his hand again as a
goodbye
He had certainly chosen the most delicate way of praising Mirah and the
Meyrick girls had now given him all their esteem But imagine Mabs feeling
when suddenly fixing his eyes on her he said decisively »That young lady is
musical I see« She was a mere blush and sense of scorching
»Yes« said Mirah on her behalf »And she has a touch«
»Oh please Mirah a scramble not a touch« said Mab in anguish with a
horrible fear of what the next thing might be this dreadfully divining
personage evidently Satan in grey trousers might order her to sit down to
the piano and her heart was like molten wax in the midst of her But this was
cheap payment for her amazed joy when Klesmer said benignantly turning to Mrs
Meyrick »Will she like to accompany Miss Lapidoth and hear the music on
Wednesday«
»There could hardly be a greater pleasure for her« said Mrs Meyrick »She
will be most glad and grateful«
Thereupon Klesmer bowed round to the three sisters more grandly than they
had ever been bowed to before Altogether it was an amusing picture the little
room with so much of its diagonal taken up in Klesmers magnificent bend to the
small feminine figures like images a little less than lifesize the grave
Holbein faces on the walls as many as were not otherwise occupied looking hard
at this stranger who by his face seemed a dignified contemporary of their own
but whose garments seemed a deplorable mockery of the human form
Mrs Meyrick could not help going out of the room with Klesmer and closing
the door behind her He understood her and said with a frowning nod
»She will do if she doesnt attempt too much and her voice holds out she
can make an income I know that is the great point Deronda told me You are
taking care of her She looks like a good girl«
»She is an angel« said the warmhearted woman
»No« said Klesmer with a playful nod »she is a pretty Jewess the angels
must not get the credit of her But I think she has found a guardian angel« he
ended bowing himself out in this amiable way
The four young creatures had looked at each other mutely till the door
banged and Mrs Meyrick reentered Then there was an explosion Mab clapped her
hands and danced everywhere inconveniently Mrs Meyrick kissed Mirah and
blessed her Amy said emphatically »We can never get her a new dress before
Wednesday« and Kate exclaimed »Thank heaven my table is not knocked over«
Mirah had reseated herself on the musicstool without speaking and the
tears were rolling down her cheeks as she looked at her friends
»Now now Mab« said Mrs Meyrick »come and sit down reasonably and let us
talk«
»Yes let us talk« said Mab cordially coming back to her low seat and
caressing her knees »I am beginning to feel large again Hans said he was
coming this afternoon I wish he had been here only there would have been no
room for him Mirah what are you looking sad for«
»I am too happy« said Mirah »I feel so full of gratitude to you all and
he was so very kind«
»Yes at last« said Mab sharply »But he might have said something
encouraging sooner I thought him dreadfully ugly when he sat frowning and only
said Continue I hated him all the long way from the top of his hair to the too
of his polished boot«
»Nonsense Mab he has a splendid profile« said Kate
»Now but not then I cannot bear people to keep their minds bottled up for
the sake of letting them off with a pop They seem to grudge making you happy
unless they can make you miserable beforehand However I forgive him
everything« said Mab with a magnanimous air »because he has invited me I
wonder why he fixed on me as the musical one Was it because I have a bulging
forehead ma and peep from under it like a newt from under a stone«
»It was your way of listening to the singing child« said Mrs Meyrick »He
has magic spectacles and sees everything through them depend upon it But what
was that German quotation you were so ready with Mirah you learned puss«
»Oh that was not learning« said Mirah her tearful face breaking into an
amused smile »I said it so many times for a lesson It means that it is safer
to do anything singing or anything else before those who know and understand
all about it«
»That was why you were not one bit frightened I suppose« said Amy »But
now what we have to talk about is a dress for you on Wednesday«
»I dont want anything better than this black merino« said Mirah rising to
show the effect »Some white gloves and some new bottines« She put out her
little foot clad in the famous felt slipper
»There comes Hans« said Mrs Meyrick »Stand still and let us hear what he
says about the dress Artists are the best people to consult about such things«
»You dont consult me ma« said Kate lifting up her eyebrow with a playful
complainingness »I notice mothers are like the people I deal with the girls
doings are always priced low«
»My dear child the boys are such a trouble we could never put up with
them if we didnt make believe they were worth more« said Mrs Meyrick just
as her boy entered »Hans we want your opinion about Mirahs dress A great
event has happened Klesmer has been here and she is going to sing at his house
on Wednesday among grand people She thinks this dress will do«
»Let me see« said Hans Mirah in her childlike way turned towards him to be
looked at and he going to a little further distance knelt with one knee on a
hassock to survey her
»This would be thought a very good stagedress for me« she said
pleadingly »in a part where I was to come on as a poor Jewess and sing to
fashionable Christians«
»It would be effective« said Hans with a considering air »it would stand
out well among the fashionable chiffons«
»But you ought not to claim all the poverty on your side Mirah« said Amy
»There are plenty of poor Christians and dreadfully rich Jews and fashionable
Jewesses«
»I didnt mean any harm« said Mirah »Only I have been used to thinking
about my dress for parts in plays And I almost always had a part with a plain
dress«
»That makes me think it questionable« said Hans who had suddenly become as
fastidious and conventional on this occasion as he had thought Deronda was
apropos of the Berenicepictures »It looks a little too theatrical We must not
make you a rôle of the poor Jewess or of being a Jewess at all« Hans had a
secret desire to neutralise the Jewess in private life which he was in danger
of not keeping secret
»But it is what I am really I am not pretending anything I shall never be
anything else« said Mirah »I always feel myself a Jewess«
»But we cant feel that about you« said Hans with a devout look »What
does it signify whether a perfect woman is a Jewess or not«
»That is your kind way of praising me I never was praised so before« said
Mirah with a smile which was rather maddening to Hans and made him feel still
more of a cosmopolitan
»People dont think of me as a British Christian« he said his face
creasing merrily »They think of me as an imperfectly handsome young man and an
unpromising painter«
»But you are wandering from the dress« said Amy »If that will not do how
are we to get another before Wednesday and tomorrow Sunday«
»Indeed this will do« said Mirah entreatingly »It is all real you know«
here she looked at Hans »even if it seemed theatrical Poor Berenice sitting
on the ruins any one might say that was theatrical but I know that is just
what she would do«
»I am a scoundrel« said Hans overcome by this misplaced trust »That is my
invention Nobody knows that she did that Shall you forgive me for not saying
so before«
»Oh yes« said Mirah after a momentary pause of surprise »You knew it was
what she would be sure to do a Jewess who had not been faithful who had done
what she did and was penitent She could have no joy but to afflict herself and
where else would she go I think it is very beautiful that you should enter so
into what a Jewess would feel«
»The Jewesses of that time sat on ruins« said Hans starting up with a
sense of being checkmated »That makes them convenient for pictures«
»But the dress the dress« said Amy »is it settled«
»Yes is it not« said Mirah looking doubtfully at Mrs Meyrick who in her
turn looked up at her son and said »What do you think Hans«
»That dress will not do« said Hans decisively »She is not going to sit on
ruins You must jump into a cab with her little mother and go to Regent
Street Its plenty of time to get anything you like a black silk dress such
as ladies wear She must not be taken for an object of charity She has talents
to make people indebted to her«
»I think it is what Mr Deronda would like for her to have a handsome
dress« said Mrs Meyrick deliberating
»Of course it is« said Hans with some sharpness »You may take my word for
what a gentleman would feel«
»I wish to do what Mr Deronda would like me to do« said Mirah gravely
seeing that Mrs Meyrick looked towards her and Hans turning on his heel went
to Kates table and took up one of her drawings as if his interest needed a new
direction
»Shouldnt you like to make a study of Klesmers head Hans« said Kate »I
suppose you have often seen him«
»Seen him« exclaimed Hans immediately throwing back his head and mane
seating himself at the piano and looking round him as if he were surveying an
amphitheatre while he held his fingers down perpendicularly towards the keys
But then in another instant he wheeled round on the stool looked at Mirah and
said half timidly »Perhaps you dont like this mimicry you must always stop
my nonsense when you dont like it«
Mirah had been smiling at the swiftlymade image and she smiled still but
with a touch of something else than amusement as she said »Thank you But you
have never done anything I did not like I hardly think he could belonging to
you« she added looking at Mrs Meyrick
In this way Hans got food for his hope How could the rose help it when
several bees in succession took its sweet odour as a sign of personal
attachment
Chapter XL
»Within the soul a faculty abides
That with interpositions which would hide
And darken so can deal that they become
Contingencies of pomp and serve to exalt
Her native brightness as the ample moon
In the deep stillness of a summer even
Rising behind a thick and lofty grove
Burns like an unconsuming fire of light
In the green trees and kindling on all sides
Their leafy umbrage turns the dusky veil
Into a substance glorious as her own
Yea with her own incorporated by power
Capacious and serene«
Wordsworth Excursion B IV
Deronda came out of the narrow house at Chelsea in a frame of mind that made him
long for some good bodily exercise to carry off what he was himself inclined to
call the fumes of his temper He was going towards the city and the sight of
the Chelsea Stairs with the waiting boats at once determined him to avoid the
irritating inaction of being driven in a cab by calling a wherry and taking an
oar
His errand was to go to Rams bookshop where he had yesterday arrived too
late for Mordecais midday watch and had been told that he invariably came
there again between five and six Some further acquaintance with this remarkable
inmate of the Cohens was particularly desired by Deronda as a preliminary to
redeeming his ring he wished that their conversation should not again end
speedily with that drop of Mordecais interest which was like the removal of a
drawbridge and threatened to shut out any easy communication in future As he
got warmed with the use of the oar fixing his mind on the errand before him and
the ends he wanted to achieve on Mirahs account he experienced as was wont
with him a quick change of mental light shifting his point of view to that of
the person whom he had been thinking of hitherto chiefly as serviceable to his
own purposes and was inclined to taunt himself with being not much better than
an enlisting sergeant who never troubles himself with the drama that brings him
the needful recruits
»I suppose if I got from this man the information I am most anxious about«
thought Deronda »I should be contented enough if he felt no disposition to tell
me more of himself or why he seemed to have some expectation from me which was
disappointed The sort of curiosity he stirs would die out and yet it might be
that he had neared and parted as one can imagine two ships doing each freighted
with an exile who would have recognised the other if the two could have looked
out face to face Not that there is any likelihood of a peculiar tie between me
and this poor fellow whose voyage I fancy must soon be over But I wonder
whether there is much of that momentous mutual missing between people who
interchange blank looks or even long for one anothers absence in a crowded
place However one makes ones self chances of missing by going on the
recruitingsergeants plan«
When the wherry was approaching Blackfriars Bridge where Deronda meant to
land it was halfpast four and the grey day was dying gloriously its western
clouds all broken into narrowing purple strata before a widespreading saffron
clearness which in the sky had a monumental calm but on the river with its
changing objects was reflected as a luminous movement the alternate flash of
ripples or currents the sudden glow of the brown sail the passage of laden
barges from blackness into colour making an active response to that brooding
glory
Feeling well heated by this time Deronda gave up the oar and drew over him
again his Inverness cape As he lifted up his head while fastening the topmost
button his eyes caught a wellremembered face looking towards him over the
parapet of the bridge brought out by the western light into startling
distinctness and brilliancy an illuminated type of bodily emaciation and
spiritual eagerness It was the face of Mordecai who also in his watch towards
the west had caught sight of the advancing boat and had kept it fast within
his gaze at first simply because it was advancing then with a recovery of
impressions that made him quiver as with a presentiment till at last the
nearing figure lifted up its face towards him the face of his visions and
then immediately with white uplifted hand beckoned again and again
For Deronda anxious that Mordecai should recognise and await him had lost
no time before signalling and the answer came straightway Mordecai lifted his
cap and waved it feeling in that moment that his inward prophecy was
fulfilled Obstacles incongruities all melted into the sense of completion
with which his soul was flooded by this outward satisfaction of his longing His
exultation was not widely different from that of the experimenter bending over
the first stirrings of change that correspond to what in the fervour of
concentrated prevision his thought has foreshadowed The prefigured friend had
come from the golden background and had signalled to him this actually was
the rest was to be
In three minutes Deronda had landed had paid his boatman and was joining
Mordecai whose instinct it was to stand perfectly still and wait for him
»I was very glad to see you standing here« said Deronda »for I was
intending to go on to the bookshop and look for you again I was there
yesterday perhaps they mentioned it to you«
»Yes« said Mordecai »that was the reason I came to the bridge«
This answer made with simple gravity was startlingly mysterious to
Deronda Were the peculiarities of this man really associated with any sort of
mental alienation according to Cohens hint
»You knew nothing of my being at Chelsea« he said after a moment
»No but I expected you to come down the river I have been waiting for you
these five years« Mordecais deepsunk eyes were fixed on those of the friend
who had at lost arrived with a look of affectionate dependence at once pathetic
and solemn Derondas sensitiveness was not the less responsive because he could
not but believe that this strangely disclosed relation was founded on an
illusion
»It will be a satisfaction to me if I can be of any real use to you« he
answered very earnestly »Shall we get into a cab and drive to wherever you
wish to go You have probably had walking enough with your short breath«
»Let us go to the bookshop It will soon be time for me to be there But
now look up the river« said Mordecai turning again towards it and speaking in
undertones of what may be called an excited calm so absorbed by a sense of
fulfilment that he was conscious of no barrier to a complete understanding
between him and Deronda »See the sky how it is slowly fading I have always
loved this bridge I stood on it when I was a little boy It is a meetingplace
for the spiritual messengers It is true what the Masters said that each
order of things has its angel that means the fall message of each from what is
afar Here I have listened to the messages of earth and sky when I was stronger
I used to stay and watch for the stars in the deep heavens But this time just
about sunset was always what I loved best It has sunk into me and dwelt with me
fading slowly fading it was my own decline it paused it waited till at
last it brought me my new life my new self who will live when this breath is
all breathed out«
Deronda did not speak He felt himself strangely wrought upon The
firstprompted suspicion that Mordecai might be liable to hallucinations of
thought might have become a monomaniac on some subject which had given too
severe a strain to his diseased organism gave way to a more submissive
expectancy His nature was too large too ready to conceive regions beyond his
own experience to rest at once in the easy explanation madness whenever a
consciousness showed some fulness and conviction where his own was blank It
accorded with his habitual disposition that he should meet rather than resist
any claim on him in the shape of anothers need and this claim brought with it
a sense of solemnity which seemed a radiation from Mordecai as utterly
nullifying his outward poverty and lifting him into authority as if he had been
that preternatural guide seen in the universal legend who suddenly drops his
mean disguise and stands a manifest Power That impression was the more
sanctioned by a sort of resolved quietude which the persuasion of fulfilment had
produced in Mordecais manner After they had stood a moment in silence he said
»Let us go now« and when they were walking he added »We will get down at the
end of the street and walk to the shop You can look at the books and Mr Ram
will be going away directly and leave us alone«
It seemed that this enthusiast was just as cautious just as much alive to
judgments in other minds as if he had been that antipole of all enthusiasm
called a man of the world
While they were rattling along in the cab Mirah was still present with
Deronda in the midst of this strange experience but he foresaw that the course
of conversation would be determined by Mordecai not by himself he was no
longer confident what questions he should be able to ask and with a reaction on
his own mood he inwardly said »I suppose I am in a state of complete
superstition just as if I were awaiting the destiny that could interpret the
oracle But some strong relation there must be between me and this man since he
feels it strongly Great heaven what relation has proved itself more potent in
the world than faith even when mistaken than expectation even when perpetually
disappointed Is my side of the relation to be disappointing or fulfilling
well if it is ever possible for me to fulfil I will not disappoint«
In ten minutes the two men with as intense a consciousness as if they had
been two undeclared lovers felt themselves alone in the small gaslit bookshop
and turned face to face each baring his head from an instinctive feeling that
they wished to see each other fully Mordecai came forward to lean his back
against the little counter while Deronda stood against the opposite wall hardly
more than four feet off I wish I could perpetuate those two faces as Titians
»Tribute Money« has perpetuated two types presenting another sort of contrast
Imagine we all of us can the pathetic stamp of consumption with its
brilliancy of glance to which the sharplydefined structure of features
reminding one of a forsaken temple give already a faroff look as of one
getting unwillingly out of reach and imagine it on a Jewish face naturally
accentuated for the expression of an eager mind the face of a man little above
thirty but with that age upon it which belongs to time lengthened by suffering
the hair and beard still black throwing out the yellow pallor of the skin the
difficult breathing giving more decided marking to the mobile nostril the
wasted yellow hands conspicuous on the folded arms then give to the yearning
consumptive glance something of the slowly dying mothers look when her one
loved son visits her bedside and the flickering power of gladness leaps out as
she says »My boy« for the sense of spiritual perpetuation in another
resembles that maternal transference of self
Seeing such a portrait you would see Mordecai And opposite to him was a
face not more distinctively oriental than many a type seen among what we call
the Latin races rich in youthful health and with a forcible masculine gravity
in its repose that gave the value of judgment to the reverence with which he
met the gaze of this mysterious son of poverty who claimed him as a
longexpected friend The more exquisite quality of Derondas nature that
keenly perceptive sympathetic emotiveness which ran along with his speculative
tendency was never more thoroughly tested He felt nothing that could be
called belief in the validity of Mordecais impressions concerning him or in the
probability of any greatly effective issue what he felt was a profound
sensibility to a cry from the depths of another soul and accompanying that the
summons to be receptive instead of superciliously prejudging Receptiveness is a
rare and massive power like fortitude and this state of mind now gave
Derondas face its utmost expression of calm benignant force an expression
which nourished Mordecais confidence and made an open way before him He began
to speak
»You cannot know what has guided me to you and brought us together at this
moment You are wondering«
»I am not impatient« said Deronda »I am ready to listen to whatever you
may wish to disclose«
»You see some of the reasons why I needed you« said Mordecai speaking
quietly as if he wished to reserve his strength »You see that I am dying You
see that I am as one shut up behind bars by the wayside who if he spoke to any
would be met only by headshaking and pity The day is closing the light is
fading soon we should not have been able to discern each other But you have
come in time«
»I rejoice that I am come in time« said Deronda feelingly He would not
say »I hope you are not mistaken in me« the very word mistaken he thought
would be a cruelty at that moment
»But the hidden reasons why I need you began afar off« said Mordecai
»began in my early years when I was studying in another land Then ideas
beloved ideas came to me because I was a Jew They were a trust to fulfil
because I was a Jew They were an inspiration because I was a Jew and felt the
heart of my race beating within me They were my life I was not fully born till
then I counted this heart and this breath and this right hand« Mordecai had
pathetically pressed his hand against his breast and then stretched its wasted
fingers out before him »I counted my sleep and my waking and the work I fed
my body with and the sights that fed my eyes I counted them but as fuel to
the divine name But I had done as one who wanders and engraves his thought in
rocky solitudes and before I could change my course came care and labour and
disease and blocked the way before me and bound me with the iron that eats
itself into the soul Then I said How shall I save the life within me from
being stifled with this stifled breath«
Mordecai paused to rest that poor breath which had been taxed by the rising
excitement of his speech And also he wished to check that excitement Deronda
dared not speak the very silence in the narrow space seemed alive with mingled
awe and compassion before this struggling fervour And presently Mordecai went
on
»But you may misunderstand me I speak not as an ignorant dreamer as one
bred up in the inland valleys thinking ancient thoughts anew and not knowing
them ancient never having stood by the great waters where the worlds knowledge
passes to and fro English is my mothertongue England is the native land of
this body which is but as a breaking put of earth around the fruitbearing
tree whose seed might make the desert rejoice But my true life was nourished
in Holland at the feet of my mothers brother a Rabbi skilled in special
learning and when he died I went to Hamburg to study and afterwards to
Göttingen that I might take a larger outlook on my people and on the Gentile
world and drink knowledge at all sources I was a youth I felt free I saw our
chief seats in Germany I was not then in utter poverty And I had possessed
myself of a handicraft For I said I care not if my lot be as that of Joshua
ben Chananja after the lost destruction he earned his bread by making needles
but in his youth he had been a singer on the steps of the Temple and had a
memory of what was before the glory departed I said let my body dwell in
poverty and my hands be as the hands of the toiler but let my soul be as a
temple of remembrance where the treasures of knowledge enter and the inner
sanctuary is hope I knew what I chose They said He feeds himself on visions
and I denied not for visions are the creators and feeders of the world I see
I measure the world as it is which the vision will create anew You are not
listening to one who raves aloof from the lives of his fellows«
Mordecai paused and Deronda feeling that the pause was expectant said
»Do me the justice to believe that I was not inclined to call your words raving
I listen that I may know without prejudgment I have had experience which gives
me a keen interest in the story of a spiritual destiny embraced willingly and
embraced in youth«
»A spiritual destiny embraced willingly in youth« Mordecai repeated in a
corrective tone »It was the soul fully born within me and it came in my
boyhood It brought its own world a mediæval world where there were men who
made the ancient language live again in new psalms of exile They had absorbed
the philosophy of the Gentile into the faith of the Jew and they still yearned
toward a centre for our race One of their souls was born again within me and
awaked amid the memories of their world It travelled into Spain and Provence
it debated with AbenEzra it took ship with Jehuda haLevi it heard the roar
of the Crusaders and the shrieks of tortured Israel And when its dumb tongue
was loosed it spoke the speech they had made alive with the new blood of their
ardour their sorrow and their martyred trust it sang with the cadence of
their strain«
Mordecai paused again and then said in a loud hoarse whisper
»While it is imprisoned in me it will never learn another«
»Have you written entirely in Hebrew then« said Deronda remembering with
some anxiety the former question as to his own knowledge of that tongue
»Yes yes« said Mordecai in a tone of deep sadness »in my youth I
wandered toward that solitude not feeling that it was a solitude I had the
ranks of the great dead around me the martyrs gathered and listened But soon I
found that the living were deaf to me At first I saw my life spread as a long
future I said part of my Jewish heritage is an unbreaking patience part is
skill to seek divers methods and find a rootingplace where the planters
despair But there came new messengers from the Eternal I had to bow under the
yoke that presses on the great multitude born of woman family troubles called
me I had to work to care not for myself alone I was left solitary again
but already the angel of death had turned to me and beckoned and I felt his
skirts continually on my path I loosed not my effort I besought hearing and
help I spoke I went to men of our people to the rich in influence or
knowledge to the rich in other wealth But I found none to listen with
understanding I was rebuked for error I was offered a small sum in charity No
wonder I looked poor I carried a bundle of Hebrew manuscript with me I said
our chief teachers are misleading the hope of our race Scholar and merchant
were both too busy to listen Scorn stood as interpreter between me and them
One said The Book of Mormon would never have answered in Hebrew and if you
mean to address our learned men it is not likely you can teach them anything
He touched a truth there«
The last words had a perceptible irony in their hoarsened tone
»But though you had accustomed yourself to write in Hebrew few surely can
use English better« said Deronda wanting to hint consolation in a new effort
for which he could smooth the way
Mordecai shook his head slowly and answered
»Too late too late I can write no more My writing would be like this
gasping breath But the breath may wake the fount of pity the writing not If
I could write now and used English I should be as one who beats a board to
summon those who have been used to no signal but a bell My soul has an ear to
hear the faults of its own speech New writing of mine would be like this body«
Mordecai spread his arms »within it there might be the Ruachhakodesh the
breath of divine thought but men would smile at it and say A poor Jew and
the chief smilers would be of my own people«
Mordecai let his hands fall and his head sink in melancholy for the moment
he had lost hold of his hope Despondency conjured up by his own words had
floated in and hovered above him with eclipsing wings He had sunk into
momentary darkness
»I feel with you I feel strongly with you« said Deronda in a clear deep
voice which was itself a cordial apart from the words of sympathy »But
forgive me if I speak hastily for what you have actually written there need
be no utter burial The means of publication are within reach If you will rely
on me I can assure you of all that is necessary to that end«
»That is not enough« said Mordecai quickly looking up again with the
flash of recovered memory and confidence »That is not all my trust in you You
must be not only a hand to me but a soul believing my belief being moved by
my reasons hoping my hope seeing the vision I point to beholding a glory
where I behold it« Mordecai had taken a step nearer as he spoke and now laid
his hand on Derondas arm with a tight grasp his face little more than a foot
off had something like a pale flame in it an intensity of reliance that acted
as a peremptory claim while he went on »You will be my life it will be
planted afresh it will grow You shall take the inheritance it has been
gathering for ages The generations are crowding on my narrow life as a bridge
what has been and what is to be are meeting there and the bridge is breaking
But I have found you You have come in time You will take the inheritance which
the base son refuses because of the tombs which the plough and harrow may not
pass over or the goldseeker disturb you will take the sacred inheritance of
the Jew«
Deronda had become as pallid as Mordecai Quick as an alarm of flood or
fire there spread within him not only a compassionate dread of discouraging
this fellowman who urged a prayer as of one in the last agony but also the
opposing dread of fatally feeding an illusion and being hurried on to a
selfcommittal which might turn into a falsity The peculiar appeal to his
tenderness overcame the repulsion that most of us experience under a grasp and
speech which assume to dominate The difficulty to him was to inflict the
accents of hesitation and doubt on this ardent suffering creature who was
crowding too much of his brief being into a moment of perhaps extravagant trust
With exquisite instinct Deronda before he opened his lips placed his palm
gently on Mordecais straining hand an act just then equal to many speeches
And after that he said without haste as if conscious that he might be wrong
»Do you forget what I told you when we first saw each other Do you remember
that I said I was not of your race«
»It cant be true« Mordecai whispered immediately with no sign of shock
The sympathetic hand still upon him had fortified the feeling which was stronger
than those words of denial There was a perceptible pause Deronda feeling it
impossible to answer conscious indeed that the assertion It cant be true
had the pressure of argument for him Mordecai too entirely possessed by the
supreme importance of the relation between himself and Deronda to have any other
care in his speech followed up that assertion by a second which came to his
lips as a mere sequence of his longcherished conviction
»You are not sure of your own origin«
»How do you know that« said Daniel with an habitual shrinking which made
him remove his hand from Mordecais who also relaxed his hold and fell back
into his former leaning position
»I know it I know it what is my life else« said Mordecai with a low cry
of impatience »Tell me everything tell me why you deny«
He could have no conception what that demand was to the hearer how
probingly it touched the hidden sensibility the vividly conscious reticence of
years how the uncertainty he was insisting on as part of his own hope had
always for Daniel been a threatening possibility of painful revelation about his
mother But the moment had influences which were not only new but solemn to
Deronda any evasion here might turn out to be a hateful refusal of some task
that belonged to him some act of due fellowship in any case it would be a
cruel rebuff to a being who was appealing to him as a forlorn hope under the
shadow of a coming doom After a few moments he said with a great effort over
himself determined to tell all the truth briefly
»I have never known my mother I have no knowledge about her I have never
called any man father But I am convinced that my father is an Englishman«
Derondas deep tones had a tremor in them as he uttered this confession and
all the while there was an undercurrent of amazement in him at the strange
circumstances under which he uttered it It seemed as if Mordecai were hardly
overrating his own power to determine the action of the friend whom he had
mysteriously chosen
»It will be seen it will be declared« said Mordecai triumphantly »The
world grows and its frame is knit together by the growing soul dim dim at
first then clearer and more clear the consciousness discerns remote stirrings
As thoughts move within us darkly and shake us before they are fully discerned
so events so beings they are knit with us in the growth of the world You
have risen within me like a thought not fully spelled my soul is shaken before
the words are all there The rest will come it will come«
»We must not lose sight of the fact that the outward event has not always
been a fulfilment of the firmest faith« said Deronda in a tone that was made
hesitating by the painfully conflicting desires not to give any severe blow to
Mordecai and not to give his confidence a sanction which might have the
severest of blows in reserve
Mordecais face which had been illuminated to the utmost in that last
declaration of his confidence changed under Derondas words but not into any
show of collapsed trust the force did not disappear from the expression but
passed from the triumphant into the firmly resistant
»You would remind me that I may be under an illusion that the history of
our peoples trust has been full of illusion I face it all« Here Mordecai
paused a moment Then bending his head a little forward he said in his hoarse
whisper »So it might be with my trust if you would make it an illusion But
you will not«
The very sharpness with which these words penetrated Deronda made him feel
the more that here was a crisis in which he must be firm
»What my birth was does not lie in my will« he answered »My sense of
claims on me cannot be independent of my knowledge there And I cannot promise
you that I will try to hasten a disclosure Feelings which have struck root
through half my life may still hinder me from doing what I have never yet been
able to do Everything must be waited for I must know more of the truth about
my own life and I must know more of what it would become if it were made a part
of yours«
Mordecai had folded his arms again while Deronda was speaking and now
answered with equal firmness though with difficult breathing
»You shall know What are we met for but that you should know Your doubts
lie as light as dust on my belief I know the philosophies of this time and of
other times if I chose I could answer a summons before their tribunals I could
silence the beliefs which are the mothertongue of my soul and speak with the
rotelearned language of a system that gives you the spelling of all things
sure of its alphabet covering them all I could silence them may not a man
silence his awe or his love and take to finding reasons which others demand
But if his love lies deeper than any reasons to be found Man finds his
pathways at first they were foottracks as those of the beast in the
wilderness now they are swift and invisible his thought dives through the
ocean and his wishes thread the air has he found all the pathways yet What
reaches him stays with him rules him he must accept it not knowing its
pathway Say my expectation of you has grown but as false hopes grow That
doubt is in your mind Well my expectation was there and you are come Men
have died of thirst But I was thirsty and the water is on my lips What are
doubts to me In the hour when you come to me and say I reject your soul I
know that I am not a Jew we have no lot in common I shall not doubt I shall
be certain certain that I have been deluded That hour will never come«
Deronda felt a new chord sounding in this speech it was rather imperious
than appealing had more of conscious power than of the yearning need which had
acted as a beseeching grasp on him before And usually though he was the
reverse of pugnacious such a change of attitude towards him would have weakened
his inclination to admit a claim But here there was something that balanced his
resistance and kept it aloof This strong man whose gaze was sustainedly calm
and his fingernails pink with health who was exercised in all questioning and
accused of excessive mental independence still felt a subduing influence over
him in the tenacious certitude of the fragile creature before him whose pallid
yellow nostril was tense with effort as his breath laboured under the burthen of
eager speech The influence seemed to strengthen the bond of sympathetic
obligation In Deronda at this moment the desire to escape what might turn into
a trying embarrassment was no more likely to determine action than the
solicitations of indolence are likely to determine it in one with whom industry
is a daily law He answered simply
»It is my wish to meet and satisfy your wishes wherever that is possible to
me It is certain to me at least that I desire not to undervalue your toil and
your suffering Let me know your thoughts But where can we meet«
»I have thought of that« said Mordecai »It is not hard for you to come
into this neighbourhood later in the evening You did so once«
»I can manage it very well occasionally« said Deronda »You live under the
same roof with the Cohens I think«
Before Mordecai could answer Mr Ram reentered to take his place behind
the counter He was an elderly son of Abraham whose childhood had fallen on the
evil times at the beginning of this century and who remained amid this smart
and instructed generation as a preserved specimen soaked through and through
with the effect of the poverty and contempt which were the common heritage of
most English Jews seventy years ago He had none of the oily cheerfulness
observable in Mr Cohens aspect his very features broad and chubby showed
that tendency to look mongrel without due cause which in a miscellaneous London
neighbourhood may perhaps be compared with the marvels of imitation in insects
and may have been natures imperfect effort on behalf of the purer Caucasian to
shield him from the shame and spitting to which purer features would have been
exposed in the times of zeal Mr Ram dealt ably in books in the same way that
he would have dealt in tins of meat and other commodities without knowledge or
responsibility as to the proportion of rottenness or nourishment they might
contain But he believed in Mordecais learning as something marvellous and was
not sorry that his conversation should be sought by a bookish gentleman whose
visits had twice ended in a purchase He greeted Deronda with a crabbed
goodwill and putting on large silver spectacles appeared at once to abstract
himself in the daily accounts
But Deronda and Mordecai were soon in the street together and without any
explicit agreement as to their direction were walking towards Ezra Cohens
»We cant meet there my room is too narrow« said Mordecai taking up the
thread of talk where they had dropped it »But there is a tavern not far from
here where I sometimes go to a club It is the Hand and Banner in the street at
the next turning five doors down We can have the parlour there any evening«
»We can try that for once« said Deronda »But you will perhaps let me
provide you with some lodging which would give you more freedom and comfort
than where you are«
»No I need nothing My outer life is as nought I will take nothing less
precious from you than your souls brotherhood I will think of nothing else
yet But I am glad you are rich You did not need money on that diamond ring
You had some other motive for bringing it«
Deronda was a little startled by this clearsightedness but before he could
reply Mordecai added »It is all one Had you been in need of the money the
great end would have been that we should meet again But you are rich« he
ended in a tone of interrogation
»Not rich except in the sense that every one is rich who has more than he
needs for himself«
»I desired that your life should be free« said Mordecai dreamily »mine
has been a bondage«
It was clear that he had no interest in the fact of Derondas appearance at
the Cohens beyond its relation to his own ideal purpose Despairing of leading
easily up to the question he wished to ask Deronda determined to put it
abruptly and said
»Can you tell me why Mrs Cohen the mother must not be spoken to about her
daughter«
There was no immediate answer and he thought that he should have to repeat
the question The fact was that Mordecai had heard the words but had to drag
his mind to a new subject away from his passionate preoccupation After a few
moments he replied with a careful effort such as he would have used if he had
been asked the road to Holborn
»I know the reason But I will not speak even of trivial family affairs
which I have heard in the privacy of the family I dwell in their tent as in a
sanctuary Their history so far as they injure none other is their own
possession«
Deronda felt the blood mounting to his cheeks as a sort of rebuke he was
little used to and he also found himself painfully baffled where he had
reckoned with some confidence on getting decisive knowledge He became the more
conscious of emotional strain from the excitements of the day and although he
had the money in his pocket to redeem his ring he recoiled from the further
task of a visit to the Cohens which must be made not only under the former
uncertainty but under a new disappointment as to the possibility of its
removal
»I will part from you now« he said just before they could reach Cohens
door and Mordecai paused looking up at him with an anxious fatigued face under
the gaslight
»When will you come back« he said with slow emphasis
»May I leave that unfixed May I ask for you at the Cohens any evening
after your hour at the bookshop There is no objection I suppose to their
knowing that you and I meet in private«
»None« said Mordecai »But the days I wait now are longer than the years of
my strength Life shrinks what was but a tithe is now the half My hope abides
in you«
»I will be faithful« said Deronda he could not have left those words
unuttered »I will come the first evening I can after seven on Saturday or
Monday if possible Trust me«
He put out his ungloved hand Mordecai clasping it eagerly seemed to feel
a new instreaming of confidence and he said with some recovered energy »This
is come to pass and the rest will come«
That was their goodbye
Book VI
Revelations
Chapter XLI
»This too is probable according to that saying of Agathon It is
a part of probability that many improbable things will happen«
Aristotle Poetics
Imagine the conflict in a mind like Derondas given not only to feel strongly
but to question actively on the evening after that interview with Mordecai To
a young man of much duller susceptibilities the adventure might have seemed
enough out of the common way to divide his thoughts but it had stirred Deronda
so deeply that with the usual reaction of his intellect he began to examine the
grounds of his emotion and consider how far he must resist its guidance The
consciousness that he was half dominated by Mordecais energetic certitude and
still more by his fervent trust roused his alarm It was his characteristic
bias to shrink from the moral stupidity of valuing lightly what had come close
to him and of missing blindly in his own life of today the crises which he
recognised as momentous and sacred in the historic life of men If he had read
of this incident as having happened centuries ago in Rome Greece Asia Minor
Palestine Cairo to some man young as himself dissatisfied with his neutral
life and wanting some closer fellowship some more special duty to give him
ardour for the possible consequences of his work it would have appeared to him
quite natural that the incident should have created a deep impression on that
faroff man whose clothing and action would have been seen in his imagination
as part of an age chiefly known to us through its more serious effects Why
should he be ashamed of his own agitated feeling merely because he dressed for
dinner wore a white tie and lived among people who might laugh at his owning
any conscience in the matter as the solemn folly of taking himself too
seriously that bugbear of circles in which the lack of grave emotion passes
for wit From such cowardice before modish ignorance and obtuseness Deronda
shrank But he also shrank from having his course determined by mere contagion
without consent of reason or from allowing a reverential pity for spiritual
struggle to hurry him along a dimlyseen path
What after all had really happened He knew quite accurately the answer
Sir Hugo would have given »A consumptive Jew possessed by a fanaticism which
obstacles and hastening death intensified had fixed on Deronda as the antitype
of some visionary image the offspring of wedded hope and despair despair of
his own life irrepressible hope in the propagation of his fanatical beliefs
The instance was perhaps odd exceptional in its form but substantially it was
not rare Fanaticism was not so common as bankruptcy but taken in all its
aspects it was abundant enough While Mordecai was waiting on the bridge for the
fulfilment of his visions another man was convinced that he had the
mathematical key of the universe which would supersede Newton and regarded all
known physicists as conspiring to stifle his discovery and keep the universe
locked another that he had the metaphysical key with just that hairsbreadth
of difference from the old wards which would make it fit exactly Scattered here
and there in every direction you might find a terrible person with more or less
power of speech and with an eye either glittering or preternaturally dull on
the lookout for the man who must hear him and in most cases he had volumes
which it was difficult to get printed or if printed to get read This Mordecai
happened to have a more pathetic aspect a more passionate penetrative speech
than was usual with such monomaniacs he was more poetical than a social
reformer with coloured views of the new moral world in parallelograms or than
an enthusiast in sewage still he came under the same class It would be only
right and kind to indulge him a little to comfort him with such help as was
practicable but what likelihood was there that his notions had the sort of
value he ascribed to them In such cases a man of the world knows what to think
beforehand And as to Mordecais conviction that he had found a new executive
self it might be preparing for him the worst of disappointments that which
presents itself as final«
Derondas ear caught all these negative whisperings nay he repeated them
distinctly to himself It was not the first but it was the most pressing
occasion on which he had had to face this question of the family likeness among
the heirs of enthusiasm whether prophets or dreamers of dreams whether the
»Great benefactors of mankind deliverers«
or the devotees of phantasmal discovery from the first believer in his own
unmanifested inspiration down to the last inventor of an ideal machine that
will achieve perpetual motion The kinship of human passion the sameness of
mortal scenery inevitably fill fact with burlesque and parody Error and folly
have had their hecatombs of martyrs Reduce the grandest type of man hitherto
known to an abstract statement of his qualities and efforts and he appears in
dangerous company say that like Copernicus and Galileo he was immovably
convinced in the face of hissing incredulity but so is the contriver of
perpetual motion We cannot fairly try the spirits by this sort of test If we
want to avoid giving the dose of hemlock or the sentence of banishment in the
wrong case nothing will do but a capacity to understand the subjectmatter on
which the immovable man is convinced and fellowship with human travail both
near and afar to hinder us from scanning any deep experience lightly Shall we
say »Let the ages try the spirits and see what they are worth« Why we are
the beginning of the ages which can only be just by virtue of just judgments in
separate human breasts separate yet combined Even steamengines could not
have got made without that condition but must have stayed in the mind of James
Watt
This track of thinking was familiar enough to Deronda to have saved him from
any contemptuous prejudgment of Mordecai even if their communication had been
free from that peculiar claim on himself strangely ushered in by some
longgrowing preparation in the Jews agitated mind This claim indeed
considered in what is called a rational way might seem justifiably dismissed as
illusory and even preposterous but it was precisely what turned Mordecais hold
on him from an appeal to his ready sympathy into a clutch on his struggling
conscience Our consciences are not all of the same pattern an inner
deliverance of fixed laws they are the voice of sensibilities as various as our
memories which also have their kinship and likeness And Derondas conscience
included sensibilities beyond the common enlarged by his early habit of
thinking himself imaginatively into the experience of others
What was the claim this eager soul made upon him »You must believe my
beliefs be moved by my reasons hope my hopes see the vision I point to
behold a glory where I behold it« To take such a demand in the light of an
obligation in any direct sense would have been preposterous to have seemed to
admit it would have been dishonesty and Deronda looking on the agitation of
those moments felt thankful that in the midst of his compassion he had
preserved himself from the bondage of false concessions The claim hung too on
a supposition which might be nay probably was in discordance with the full
fact the supposition that he Deronda was of Jewish blood Was there ever a
more hypothetic appeal
But since the age of thirteen Deronda had associated the deepest experience
of his affections with what was a pure supposition namely that Sir Hugo was
his father that was a hypothesis which had been the source of passionate
struggle within him by its light he had been accustomed to subdue feelings and
to cherish them He had been well used to find a motive in a conception which
might be disproved and he had been also used to think of some revelation that
might influence his view of the particular duties belonging to him To be in a
state of suspense which was also one of emotive activity and scruple was a
familiar attitude of his conscience
And now suppose that wishbegotten belief in his Jewish birth and that
extravagant demand of discipleship to be the foreshadowing of an actual
discovery and a genuine spiritual result suppose that Mordecais ideas made a
real conquest over Derondas conviction Nay it was conceivable that as
Mordecai needed and believed that he had found an active replenishment of
himself so Deronda might receive from Mordecais mind the complete ideal shape
of that personal duty and citizenship which lay in his own thought like
sculptured fragments certifying some beauty yearned after but not traceable by
divination
As that possibility presented itself in his meditations he was aware that
it would be called dreamy and began to defend it If the influence he imagined
himself submitting to had been that of some honoured professor some authority
in a seat of learning some philosopher who had been accepted as a voice of the
age would a thorough receptiveness towards direction have been ridiculed Only
by those who hold it a sign of weakness to be obliged for an idea and prefer to
hint that they have implicitly held in a more correct form whatever others have
stated with a sadly shortcoming explicitness After all what was there but
vulgarity in taking the fact that Mordecai was a poor Jewish workman and that
he was to be met perhaps on a sanded floor in the parlour of the Hand and
Banner as a reason for determining beforehand that there was not some spiritual
force within him that might have a determining effect on a whitehanded
gentleman There is a legend told of the Emperor Domitian that having heard of
a Jewish family of the house of David whence the ruler of the world was to
spring he sent for its members in alarm but quickly released them on observing
that they had the hands of workpeople being of just the opposite opinion with
that Rabbi who stood waiting at the gate of Rome in confidence that the Messiah
would be found among the destitute who entered there Both Emperor and Rabbi
were wrong in their trust of outward signs poverty and poor clothes are no sign
of inspiration said Deronda to his inward objector but they have gone with it
in some remarkable cases And to regard discipleship as out of the question
because of them would be mere dulness of imagination
A more plausible reason for putting discipleship out of the question was the
strain of visionary excitement in Mordecai which turned his wishes into
overmastering impressions and made him read outward facts as fulfilment Was
such a temper of mind likely to accompany that wise estimate of consequences
which is the only safeguard from fatal error even to ennobling motive But it
remained to be seen whether that rare conjunction existed or not in Mordecai
perhaps his might be one of the natures where a wise estimate of consequences is
fused in the fires of that passionate belief which determines the consequences
it believes in The inspirations of the world have come in that way too even
strictlymeasuring science could hardly have got on without that forecasting
ardour which feels the agitations of discovery beforehand and has a faith in
its preconception that surmounts many failures of experiment And in relation to
human motives and actions passionate belief has a fuller efficacy Here
enthusiasm may have the validity of proof and happening in one soul give the
type of what will one day be general
At least Deronda argued Mordecais visionary excitability was hardly a
reason for concluding beforehand that he was not worth listening to except for
pitys sake Suppose he had introduced himself as one of the strictest
reasoners do they form a body of men hitherto free from false conclusions and
illusory speculations The driest argument has its hallucinations too hastily
concluding that its net will now at last be large enough to hold the universe
Men may dream in demonstrations and cut out an illusory world in the shape of
axioms definitions and propositions with a final exclusion of fact signed
QED No formulas for thinking will save us mortals from mistake in our
imperfect apprehension of the matter to be thought about And since the
unemotional intellect may carry us into a mathematical dreamland where nothing
is but what is not perhaps an emotional intellect may have absorbed into its
passionate vision of possibilities some truth of what will be the more
comprehensive massive life feeding theory with new material as the sensibility
of the artist seizes combinations which science explains and justifies At any
rate presumptions to the contrary are not to be trusted We must be patient
with the inevitable makeshift of our human thinking whether in its sum total or
in the separate minds that have made the sum Columbus had some impressions
about himself which we call superstitions and used some arguments which we
disapprove but he had also some true physical conceptions and he had the
passionate patience of genius to make them tell on mankind The world has made
up its mind rather contemptuously about those who were deaf to Columbus
»My contempt for them binds me to see that I dont adopt their mistake on a
small scale« said Deronda »and make myself deaf with the assumption that there
cannot be any momentous relation between this Jew and me simply because he has
clad it in illusory notions What I can be to him or he to me may not at all
depend on his persuasion about the way we came together To me the way seems
made up of plainly discernible links If I had not found Mirah it is probable
that I should not have begun to be specially interested in the Jews and
certainly I should not have gone on that loitering search after an Ezra Cohen
which made me pause at Rams bookshop and ask the price of Maimon Mordecai on
his side had his visions of a disciple and he saw me by their light I
corresponded well enough with the image his longing had created He took me for
one of his race Suppose that his impression the elderly Jew at Frankfort
seemed to have something like it suppose in spite of all presumptions to the
contrary that his impression should somehow be proved true and that I should
come actually to share any of the ideas he is devoted to This is the only
question which really concerns the effect of our meeting on my life
But if the issue should be quite different well there will be something
painful to go through I shall almost inevitably have to be an active cause of
that poor fellows crushing disappointment Perhaps this issue is the one I had
need prepare myself for I fear that no tenderness of mine can make his
suffering lighter Would the alternative that I should not disappoint him be
less painful to me«
Here Deronda wavered Feelings had lately been at work within him which had
very much modified the reluctance he would formerly have had to think of himself
as probably a Jew And if you like he was romantic That young energy and
spirit of adventure which have helped to create the worldwide legends of
youthful heroes going to seek the hidden tokens of their birth and its
inheritance of tasks gave him a certain quivering interest in the bare
possibility that he was entering on a like track all the more because the
track was one of thought as well as action
The bare possibility He could not admit it to be more The belief that his
father was an Englishman only grew firmer under the weak assaults of unwarranted
doubt And that a moment should ever come in which that belief was declared a
delusion was something of which Deronda would not say »I should be glad« His
lifelong affection for Sir Hugo stronger than all his resentment made him
shrink from admitting that wish
Which way soever the truth might lie he repeated to himself what he had
said to Mordecai that he could not without farther reason undertake to hasten
its discovery Nay he was tempted now to regard his uncertainty as a condition
to be cherished for the present If further intercourse revealed nothing but
illusions as what he was expected to share in the want of any valid evidence
that he was a Jew might save Mordecai the worst shock in the refusal of
fraternity It might even be justifiable to use the uncertainty on this point in
keeping up a suspense which would induce Mordecai to accept those offices of
friendship that Deronda longed to urge on him
These were the meditations that busied Deronda in the interval of four days
before he could fulfil his promise to call for Mordecai at Ezra Cohens Sir
Hugos demands on him often lasting to an hour so late as to put the evening
expedition to Holborn out of the question
Chapter XLII
»Wenn es eine Stufenleiter von Leiden giebt so hat Israel die
höchste Staffel erstiegen wenn die Dauer der Schmerzen und die
Geduld mit welcher sie ertragen werden adeln so nehmen es die
Juden mit den Hochgeborenen aller Länder auf wenn eine Literatur
reich genannt wird die wenige klassische Trauerspiele besitzt
welcher Platz gebührt dann einer Tragödie die anderthalb
Jahrtausende währt gedichtet und dargestellt von den Helden
selber«
Zunz Die Synagogale Poesie des Mittelalters
»If there are ranks in suffering Israel takes precedence of all the nations
if the duration of sorrows and the patience with which they are borne ennoble
the Jews are among the aristocracy of every land if a literature is called
rich in the possession of a few classic tragedies what shall we say to a
National Tragedy lasting for fifteen hundred years in which the poets and the
actors were also the heroes«
Deronda had lately been reading that passage of Zunz and it occurred to him
by way of contrast when he was going to the Cohens who certainly bore no
obvious stamp of distinction in sorrow or in any other form of aristocracy Ezra
Cohen was not clad in the sublime pathos of the martyr and his taste for
moneygetting seemed to be favoured with that success which has been the most
exasperating difference in the greed of Jews during all the ages of their
dispersion This Jeshurun of a pawnbroker was not a symbol of the great Jewish
tragedy and yet was there not something typical in the fact that a life like
Mordecais a frail incorporation of the national consciousness breathing with
difficult breath was nested in the selfgratulating ignorant prosperity of the
Cohens
Glistening was the gladness in their faces when Deronda reappeared among
them Cohen himself took occasion to intimate that although the diamond ring
let alone a little longer would have bred more money he did not mind that
not a sixpence when compared with the pleasure of the women and children in
seeing a young gentleman whose first visit had been so agreeable that they had
done nothing but talk of it ever since Young Mrs Cohen was very sorry that
baby was asleep and then very glad that Adelaide was not yet gone to bed
entreating Deronda not to stay in the shop but to go forthwith into the parlour
to see mother and the children He willingly accepted the invitation having
provided himself with portable presents a set of paper figures for Adelaide
and an ivory cup and ball for Jacob
The grandmother had a pack of cards before her and was making plates with
the children A plate had just been thrown down and kept itself whole
»Stop« said Jacob running up to Deronda as he entered »Dont tread on my
plate Stop and see me throw it up again«
Deronda complied exchanging a smile of understanding with the grandmother
and the plate bore several tossings before it came to pieces then the visitor
was allowed to come forward and seat himself He observed that the door from
which Mordecai had issued on the former visit was now closed but he wished to
show his interest in the Cohens before disclosing a yet stronger interest in
their singular inmate
It was not until he had Adelaide on his knee and was setting up the paper
figures in their dance on the table while Jacob was already practising with the
cup and ball that Deronda said
»Is Mordecai in just now«
»Where is he Addy« said Cohen who had seized an interval of business to
come and look on
»In the workroom there« said his wife nodding towards the closed door
»The fact is sir« said Cohen »we dont know whats come to him this last
day or two Hes always what I may call a little touched you know« here Cohen
pointed to his own forehead »not quite to say rational in all things like you
and me but hes mostly wonderful regular and industrious as far as a poor
creature can be and takes as much delight in the boy as anybody could But this
last day or two hes been moving about like a sleepwalker or else sitting as
still as a wax figure«
»Its the disease poor dear creature« said the grandmother tenderly »I
doubt whether he can stand long against it«
»No I think its only something hes got in his head« said Mrs Cohen the
younger »Hes been turning over writing continually and when I speak to him it
takes him ever so long to hear and answer«
»You may think us a little weak ourselves« said Cohen apologetically »But
my wife and mother wouldnt part with him if he was a still worse encumbrance
It isnt that we dont know the long and short of matters but its our
principle Theres fools do business at a loss and dont know it Im not one of
em«
»Oh Mordecai carries a blessing inside him« said the grandmother
»Hes got something the matter inside him« said Jacob coming up to correct
this erratum of his grandmothers »He said he couldnt talk to me and he
wouldnt have a hit o bun«
»So far from wondering at your feeling for him« said Deronda »I already
feel something of the same sort myself I have lately talked to him at Rams
bookshop in fact I promised to call for him here that we might go out
together«
»Thats it then« said Cohen slapping his knee »Hes been expecting you
and its taken hold of him I suppose he talks about his learning to you Its
uncommonly kind of you sir for I dont suppose theres much to be got out of
it else it wouldnt have left him where he is But theres the shop« Cohen
hurried out and Jacob who had been listening inconveniently near to Derondas
elbow said to him with obliging familiarity »Ill call Mordecai for you if
you like«
»No Jacob« said his mother »open the door for the gentleman and let him
go in himself Hush dont make a noise«
Skilful Jacob seemed to enter into the play and turned the handle of the
door as noiselessly as possible while Deronda went behind him and stood on the
threshold The small room was lit only by a dying fire and one candle with a
shade over it On the board fixed under the window various objects of jewellery
were scattered some books were heaped in the corner beyond them Mordecai was
seated on a high chair at the board with his back to the door his hands resting
on each other and on the board a watch propped on a stand before him He was in
a state of expectation as sickening as that of a prisoner listening for the
delayed deliverance when he heard Derondas voice saying »I am come for you
Are you ready«
Immediately he turned without speaking seized his furred cap which lay
near and moved to join Deronda It was but a moment before they were both in
the sittingroom and Jacob noticing the change in his friends air and
expression seized him by the arm and said »See my cup and ball« sending the
ball up close to Mordecais face as something likely to cheer a convalescent
It was a sign of the relieved tension in Mordecais mind that he could smile and
say »Fine fine«
»You have forgotten your greatcoat and comforter« said young Mrs Cohen
and he went back into the workroom and got them
»Hes come to life again do you see« said Cohen who had reentered
speaking in an undertone »I told you so Im mostly right« Then in his usual
voice »Well sir we mustnt detain you now I suppose but I hope this isnt
the last time we shall see you«
»Shall you come again« said Jacob advancing »See I can catch the ball
Ill bet I catch it without stopping if you come again«
»He has clever hands« said Deronda looking at the grandmother »Which side
of the family does he get them from«
But the grandmother only nodded towards her son who said promptly »My
side My wifes family are not in that line But bless your soul ours is a
sort of cleverness as good as gutta percha you can twist it which way you like
Theres nothing some old gentlemen wont do if you set em to it« Here Cohen
winked down at Jacobs back but it was doubtful whether this judicious
allusiveness answered its purpose for its subject gave a nasal whinnying laugh
and stamped about singing »Old gentlemen old gentlemen« in chiming cadence
Deronda thought »I shall never know anything decisive about these people
until I ask Cohen pointblank whether he lost a sister named Mirah when she was
six years old« The decisive moment did not yet seem easy for him to face Still
his first sense of repulsion at the commonness of these people was beginning to
be tempered with kindlier feeling However unrefined their airs and speech might
be he was forced to admit some moral refinement in their treatment of the
consumptive workman whose mental distinction impressed them chiefly as a
harmless silent raving
»The Cohens seem to have an affection for you« said Deronda as soon as he
and Mordecai were off the doorstep
»And I for them« was the immediate answer »They have the heart of the
Israelite within them though they are as the horse and the mule without
understanding beyond the narrow path they tread«
»I have caused you some uneasiness I fear« said Deronda »by my slowness
in fulfilling my promise I wished to come yesterday but I found it
impossible«
»Yes yes I trusted you But it is true I have been uneasy for the spirit
of my youth has been stirred within me and this body is not strong enough to
bear the beating of its wings I am as a man bound and imprisoned through long
years behold him brought to speech of his fellow and his limbs get free he
weeps he totters the joy within him threatens to break and overthrow the
tabernacle of flesh«
»You must not speak too much in this evening air« said Deronda feeling
Mordecais words of reliance like so many cords binding him painfully »Cover
your mouth with the woollen scarf We are going to the Hand and Banner I
suppose and shall be in private there«
»No that is my trouble that you did not come yesterday For this is the
evening of the club I spoke of and we might not have any minutes alone until
late when all the rest are gone Perhaps we had better seek another place But
I am used to that only In new places the outer world presses on me and narrows
the inward vision And the people there are familiar with my face«
»I dont mind the club if I am allowed to go in« said Deronda »It is
enough that you like this place best If we have not enough time I will come
again What sort of club is it«
»It is called The Philosophers They are few like the cedars of Lebanon
poor men given to thought But none so poor as I am and sometimes visitors of
higher worldly rank have been brought We are allowed to introduce a friend who
is interested in our topics Each orders beer or some other kind of drink in
payment for the room Most of them smoke I have gone when I could for there
are other men of my race who come and sometimes I have broken silence I have
pleased myself with a faint likeness between these poor philosophers and the
Masters who handed down the thought of our race the great Transmitters who
laboured with their hands for scant bread but preserved and enlarged for us the
heritage of memory and saved the soul of Israel alive as a seed among the
tombs The heart pleases itself with faint resemblances«
»I shall be very glad to go and sit among them if that will suit you It is
a sort of meeting I should like to join in« said Deronda not without relief in
the prospect of an interval before he went through the strain of his next
private conversation with Mordecai
In three minutes they had opened the glazed door with the red curtain and
were in the little parlour hardly much more than fifteen feet square where the
gaslight shone through a slight haze of smoke on what to Deronda was a new and
striking scene Halfadozen men of various ages from between twenty and thirty
to fifty all shabbily dressed most of them with clay pipes in their mouths
were listening with a look of concentrated intelligence to a man in a
pepperandsalt dress with blond hair short nose broad forehead and general
breadth who holding his pipe slightly uplifted in the left hand and beating
his knee with the right was just finishing a quotation from Shelley the
comparison of the avalanche in his Prometheus Unbound
»As thought by thought is piled till some great truth
Is loosened and the nations echo round«
The entrance of the newcomers broke the fixity of attention and called for a
rearrangement of seats in the too narrow semicircle round the fireplace and the
table holding the glasses spare pipes and tobacco This was the soberest of
clubs but sobriety is no reason why smoking and taking something should be less
imperiously needed as a means of getting a decent status in company and debate
Mordecai was received with welcoming voices which had a slight cadence of
compassion in them but naturally all glances passed immediately to his
companion
»I have brought a friend who is interested in our subjects« said Mordecai
»He has travelled and studied much«
»Is the gentleman anonymous Is he a Great Unknown« said the broadchested
quoter of Shelley with a humorous air
»My name is Daniel Deronda I am unknown but not in any sense great« The
smile breaking over the strangers grave face as he said this was so agreeable
that there was a general indistinct murmur equivalent to a »Hear hear« and
the broad man said
»You recommend the name sir and are welcome Here Mordecai come to this
corner against me« he added evidently wishing to give the coziest place to the
one who most needed it
Deronda was well satisfied to get a seat on the opposite side where his
general survey of the party easily included Mordecai who remained an eminently
striking object in this group of sharplycharacterised figures more than one of
whom even to Daniels little exercised discrimination seemed probably of
Jewish descent
In fact pure English blood if leech or lancet can furnish us with the
precise product did not declare itself predominantly in the party at present
assembled Miller the broad man an exceptional secondhand bookseller who knew
the insides of books had at least grandparents who called themselves German
and possibly faraway ancestors who denied themselves to be Jews Buchan the
saddler was Scotch Pash the watchmaker was a small dark vivacious
triplebaked Jew Gideon the optical instrument maker was a Jew of the
redhaired generousfeatured type easily passing for Englishmen of unusually
cordial manners and Croop the darkeyed shoemaker was probably more Celtic
than he knew Only three would have been discernible everywhere as Englishmen
the woodinlayer Goodwin wellbuilt openfaced pleasantvoiced the florid
laboratory assistant Marrables and Lilly the pale neatfaced copying clerk
whose lightbrown hair was set up in a small parallelogram above his wellfilled
forehead and whose shirt taken with an otherwise seedy costume had a
freshness that might be called insular and perhaps even something narrower
Certainly a company select of the select among poor men being drawn
together by a taste not prevalent even among the privileged heirs of learning
and its institutions and not likely to amuse any gentleman in search of crime
or low comedy as the ground of interest in people whose weekly income is only
divisible into shillings Deronda even if he had not been more than usually
inclined to gravity under the influence of what was pending between him and
Mordecai would not have set himself to find food for laughter in the various
shades of departure from the tone of polished society sure to be observable in
the air and talk of these men who had probably snatched knowledge as most of us
snatch indulgences making the utmost of scant opportunity He looked around him
with the quiet air of respect habitual to him among equals ordered whisky and
water and offered the contents of his cigarcase which characteristically
enough he always carried and hardly ever used for his own behoof having
reasons for not smoking himself but liking to indulge others Perhaps it was
his weakness to be afraid of seeming straitlaced and turning himself into a
sort of diagram instead of a growth which can exercise the guiding attraction of
fellowship That he made a decidedly winning impression on the company was
proved by their showing themselves no less at ease than before and desirous of
quickly resuming their interrupted talk
»This is what I call one of our touch and go nights sir« said Miller who
was implicitly accepted as a sort of moderator addressing Deronda by way of
explanation and nodding toward each person whose name he mentioned »Sometimes
we stick pretty close to the point But tonight our friend Pash there brought
up the law of progress and we got on statistics then Lilly there saying we
knew well enough before counting that in the same state of society the same sort
of things would happen and it was no more wonder that quantities should remain
the same than that qualities should remain the same for in relation to society
numbers are qualities the number of drunkards is a quality in society the
numbers are an index to the qualities and give us no instruction only setting
us to consider the causes of difference between different social states Lilly
saying this we went off on the causes of social change and when you came in I
was going upon the power of ideas which I hold to be the main transforming
cause«
»I dont hold with you there Miller« said Goodwin the inlayer more
concerned to carry on the subject than to wait for a word from the new guest
»For either you mean so many sorts of things by ideas that I get no knowledge by
what you say any more than if you said light was a cause or else you mean a
particular sort of ideas and then I go against your meaning as too narrow For
look at it in one way all actions men put a bit of thought into are ideas
say sowing seed or making a canoe or baking clay and such ideas as these
work themselves into life and go on growing with it but they cant go apart
from the material that set them to work and makes a medium for them Its the
nature of wood and stone yielding to the knife that raises the idea of shaping
them and with plenty of wood and stone the shaping will go on I look at it
that such ideas as are mixed straight away with all the other elements of life
are powerful along with em The slower the mixing the less power they have
And as to the causes of social change I look at it in this way ideas are a
sort of parliament but theres a commonwealth outside and a good deal of the
commonwealth is working at change without knowing what the parliament is doing«
»But if you take ready mixing as your test of power« said Pash »some of
the least practical ideas beat everything They spread without being understood
and enter into the language without being thought of«
»They may act by changing the distribution of gases« said Marrables
»instruments are getting so fine now men may come to register the spread of a
theory by observed changes in the atmosphere and corresponding changes in the
nerves«
»Yes« said Pash his dark face lighting up rather impishly »there is the
idea of nationalities I daresay the wild asses are snuffing it and getting
more gregarious«
»You dont share that idea« said Deronda finding a piquant incongruity
between Pashs sarcasm and the strong stamp of race on his features
»Say rather he does not share that spirit« said Mordecai who had turned a
melancholy glance on Pash »Unless nationality is a feeling what force can it
have as an idea«
»Granted Mordecai« said Pash quite goodhumouredly »And as the feeling
of nationality is dying I take the idea to be no better than a ghost already
walking to announce the death«
»A sentiment may seem to be dying and yet revive into strong life« said
Deronda »Nations have revived We may live to see a great outburst of force in
the Arabs who are being inspired with a new zeal«
»Amen amen« said Mordecai looking at Deronda with a delight which was the
beginning of recovered energy his attitude was more upright his face was less
worn
»That may hold with backward nations« said Pash »but with us in Europe the
sentiment of nationality is destined to die out It will last a little longer in
the quarters where oppression lasts but nowhere else The whole current of
progress is setting against it«
»Ay« said Buchan in a rapid thin Scotch tone which was like the letting in
of a little cool air on the conversation »yeve done well to bring us round to
the point Yere all agreed that societies change not always and everywhere
but on the whole and in the longrun Now with all deference I would beg
tobserve that we have got to examine the nature of changes before we have a
warrant to call them progress which word is supposed to include a bettering
though I apprehend it to be ill chosen for that purpose since mere motion
onward may carry us to a bog or a precipice And the questions I would put are
three Is all change in the direction of progress if not how shall we discern
which change is progress and which not and thirdly how far and in what ways
can we act upon the course of change so as to promote it where it is beneficial
and divert it where it is injurious«
But Buchans attempt to impose his method on the talk was a failure Lilly
immediately said
»Change and progress are merged in the idea of development The laws of
development are being discovered and changes taking place according to them are
necessarily progressive that is to say if we have any notion of progress or
improvement opposed to them the notion is a mistake«
»I really cant see how you arrive at that sort of certitude about changes
by calling them development« said Deronda »There will still remain the degrees
of inevitableness in relation to our own will and acts and the degrees of
wisdom in hastening or retarding there will still remain the danger of
mistaking a tendency which should be resisted for an inevitable law that we must
adjust ourselves to which seems to me as bad a superstition or false god as
any that has been set up without the ceremonies of philosophising«
»That is a truth« said Mordecai »Woe to the men who see no place for
resistance in this generation I believe in a growth a passage and a new
unfolding of life whereof the seed is more perfect more charged with the
elements that are pregnant with diviner form The life of a people grows it is
knit together and yet expanded in joy and sorrow in thought and action it
absorbs the thought of other nations into its own forms and gives back the
thought as new wealth to the world it is a power and an organ in the great body
of the nations But there may come a check an arrest memories may be stifled
and love may be faint for the lack of them or memories may shrink into withered
relics the soul of a people whereby they know themselves to be one may seem
to be dying for want of common action But who shall say The fountain of their
life is dried up they shall for ever cease to be a nation Who shall say it
Not he who feels the life of his people stirring within his own Shall he say
That way events are wending I will not resist His very soul is resistance and
is as a seed of fire that may enkindle the souls of multitudes and make a new
pathway for events«
»I dont deny patriotism« said Gideon »but we all know you have a
particular meaning Mordecai You know Mordecais way of thinking I suppose«
Here Gideon had turned to Deronda who sat next to him but without waiting for
an answer he went on » Im a rational Jew myself I stand by my people as a
sort of family relations and I am for keeping up our worship in a rational way
I dont approve of our people getting baptised because I dont believe in a
Jews conversion to the Gentile part of Christianity And now we have political
equality theres no excuse for a pretence of that sort But I am for getting
rid of all our superstitions and exclusiveness Theres no reason now why we
shouldnt melt gradually into the populations we live among Thats the order of
the day in point of progress I would as soon my children married Christians as
Jews And Im for the old maxim A mans country is where hes well off«
»That countrys not so easy to find Gideon« said the rapid Pash with a
shrug and grimace »You get ten shillings aweek more than I do and have only
half the number of children If somebody will introduce a brisk trade in watches
among the Jerusalem wares Ill go eh Mordecai what do you say«
Deronda all ear for these hints of Mordecais opinion was inwardly
wondering at his persistence in coming to this club For an enthusiastic spirit
to meet continually the fixed indifference of men familiar with the object of
his enthusiasm is the acceptance of a slow martyrdom beside which the fate of a
missionary tomahawked without any considerate rejection of his doctrines seems
hardly worthy of compassion But Mordecai gave no sign of shrinking this was a
moment of spiritual fulness and he cared more for the utterance of his faith
than for its immediate reception With a fervour which had no temper in it but
seemed rather the rush of feeling in the opportunity of speech he answered
Pash
»What I say is let every man keep far away from the brotherhood and the
inheritance he despises Thousands on thousands of our race have mixed with the
Gentile as Celt with Saxon and they may inherit the blessing that belongs to
the Gentile You cannot follow them You are one of the multitudes over this
globe who must walk among the nations and be known as Jews and with words on
their lips which mean I wish I had not been born a Jew I disown any bond with
the long travail of my race I will outdo the Gentile in mocking at our
separateness they all the while feel breathing on them the breath of contempt
because they are Jews and they will breathe it back poisonously Can a
freshmade garment of citizenship weave itself straightway into the flesh and
change the slow deposit of eighteen centuries What is the citizenship of him
who walks among a people he has no hearty kindred and fellowship with and has
lost the sense of brotherhood with his own race It is a charter of selfish
ambition and rivalry in low greed He is an alien in spirit whatever he may be
in form he sucks the blood of mankind he is not a man Sharing in no love
sharing in no subjection of the soul he mocks at all Is it not truth I speak
Pash«
»Not exactly Mordecai« said Pash »if you mean that I think the worse of
myself for being a Jew What I thank our fathers for is that there are fewer
blockheads among us than among other races But perhaps you are right in
thinking the Christians dont like me so well for it«
»Catholics and Protestants have not liked each other much better« said the
genial Gideon »We must wait patiently for prejudices to die out Many of our
people are on a footing with the best and theres been a good filtering of our
blood into high families I am for making our expectations rational«
»And so am I« said Mordecai quickly leaning forward with the eagerness of
one who pleads in some decisive crisis his long thin hands clasped together on
his lap »I too claim to be a rational Jew But what is it to be rational what
is it to feel the light of the divine reason growing stronger within and
without It is to see more and more of the hidden bonds that bind and consecrate
change as a dependent growth yea consecrate it with kinship the past becomes
my parent and the future stretches towards me the appealing arms of children
Is it rational to drain away the sap of special kindred that makes the families
of man rich in interchanged wealth and various as the forests are various with
the glory of the cedar and the palm When it is rational to say I know not my
father or my mother let my children be aliens to me that no prayer of mine may
touch them then it will be rational for the Jew to say I will seek to know no
difference between me and the Gentile I will not cherish the prophetic
consciousness of our nationality let the Hebrew cease to be and let all his
memorials be antiquarian trifles dead as the wallpaintings of a conjectured
race Yet let his child learn by rote the speech of the Greek where he adjures
his fellowcitizens by the bravery of those who fought foremost at Marathon
let him learn to say that was noble in the Greek that is the spirit of an
immortal nation But the Jew has no memories that bind him to action let him
laugh that his nation is degraded from a nation let him hold the monuments of
his law which carried within its frame the breath of social justice of charity
and of household sanctities let him hold the energy of the prophets the
patient care of the Masters the fortitude of martyred generations as mere
stuff for a professorship The business of the Jew in all things is to be even
as the rich Gentile«
Mordecai threw himself back in his chair and there was a moments silence
Not one member of the club shared his point of view or his emotion but his
whole personality and speech had on them the effect of a dramatic representation
which had some pathos in it though no practical consequences and usually he
was at once indulged and contradicted Derondas mind went back on what must
have been the tragic pressure of outward conditions hindering this man whose
force he felt to be telling on himself from making any world for his thought in
the minds of others like a poet among people of a strange speech who may have
a poetry of their own but have no ear for his cadence no answering thrill to
his discovery of latent virtues in his mother tongue
The cool Buchan was the first to speak and hint the loss of time »I
submit« said he »that yere travelling away from the questions I put
concerning progress«
»Say theyre levanting Buchan« said Miller who liked his joke and would
not have objected to be called Voltairian »Never mind Let us have a Jewish
night weve not had one for a long while Let us take the discussion on Jewish
ground I suppose weve no prejudice here were all philosophers and we like
our friends Mordecai Pash and Gideon as well as if they were no more kin to
Abraham than the rest of us Were all related through Adam until further
showing to the contrary and if you look into history weve all got some
discreditable forefathers So I mean no offence when I say I dont think any
great things of the part the Jewish people have played in the world What then
I think they were iniquitously dealt by in past times And I suppose we dont
want any men to be maltreated white black brown or yellow I know Ive just
given my halfcrown to the contrary And that reminds me Ive a curious old
German book I cant read it myself but a friend was reading out of it to me
the other day about the prejudices against the Jews and the stories used to
be told against em and what do you think one was Why that theyre punished
with a bad odour in their bodies and that says the author date 1715 Ive
just been pricing and marking the book this very morning that is true for
the ancients spoke of it But then he says the other things are fables such
as that the odour goes away all at once when theyre baptised and that every
one of the ten tribes mind you all the ten being concerned in the crucifixion
has got a particular punishment over and above the smell Asher I remember
has the right arm a handbreadth shorter than the left and Naphthali has pigs
ears and a smell of live pork What do you think of that Theres been a good
deal of fun made of rabbinical fables but in point of fables my opinion is
that all over the world its six of one and halfadozen of the other However
as I said before I hold with the philosophers of the last century that the Jews
have played no great part as a people though Pash will have it theyre clever
enough to beat all the rest of the world But if so I ask why havent they
done it«
»For the same reason that the cleverest men in the country dont get
themselves or their ideas into Parliament« said the ready Pash »because the
blockheads are too many for em«
»That is a vain question« said Mordecai »whether our people would beat the
rest of the world Each nation has its own work and is a member of the world
enriched by the work of each But it is true as JehudahaLevi first said that
Israel is the heart of mankind if we mean by heart the core of affection which
binds a race and its families in dutiful love and the reverence for the human
body which lifts the needs of our animal life into religion and the tenderness
which is merciful to the poor and weak and to the dumb creature that wears the
yoke for us«
»Theyre not behind any nation in arrogance« said Lilly »and if they have
got in the rear it has not been because they were overmodest«
»Oh every nation brags in its turn« said Miller
»Yes« said Pash »and some of them in the Hebrew text«
»Well whatever the Jews contributed at one time they are a standstill
people« said Lilly »They are the type of obstinate adherence to the
superannuated They may show good abilities when they take up liberal ideas but
as a race they have no development in them«
»That is false« said Mordecai leaning forward again with his former
eagerness »Let their history be known and examined let the seed be sifted let
its beginning be traced to the weed of the wilderness the more glorious will
be the energy that transformed it Where else is there a nation of whom it may
be as truly said that their religion and law and moral life mingled as the
stream of blood in the heart and made one growth where else a people who kept
and enlarged their spiritual store at the very time when they were hunted with a
hatred as fierce as the forest fires that chase the wild beast from his covert
There is a fable of the Roman that swimming to save his life he held the roll
of his writings between his teeth and saved them from the waters But how much
more than that is true of our race They struggled to keep their place among the
nations like heroes yea when the hand was hacked off they clung with the
teeth but when the plough and the harrow had passed over the last visible signs
of their national covenant and the fruitfulness of their land was stifled with
the blood of the sowers and planters they said The spirit is alive let us
make it a lasting habitation lasting because movable so that it may be
carried from generation to generation and our sons unborn may be rich in the
things that have been and possess a hope built on an unchangeable foundation
They said it and they wrought it though often breathing with scant life as in
a coffin or as lying wounded amid a heap of slain Hooted and scared like the
unknown dog the Hebrew made himself envied for his wealth and wisdom and was
bled of them to fill the bath of Gentile luxury he absorbed knowledge he
diffused it his dispersed race was a new Phoenicia working the mines of Greece
and carrying their products to the world The native Spirit of our tradition was
not to stand still but to use records as a seed and draw out the compressed
virtues of law and prophecy and while the Gentile who had said What is yours
is ours and no longer yours was reading the letter of our law as a dark
inscription or was turning its parchments into shoesoles for an army rabid
with lust and cruelty our Masters were still enlarging and illuminating with
freshfed interpretation But the dispersion was wide the yoke of oppression
was a spiked torture as well as a load the exile was forced afar among brutish
people where the consciousness of his race was no clearer to him than the light
of the sun to our fathers in the Roman persecution who had their hidingplace
in a cave and knew not that it was day save by the dimmer burning of their
candles What wonder that multitudes of our people are ignorant narrow
superstitious What wonder«
Here Mordecai whose seat was next the fireplace rose and leaned his arm on
the little shelf his excitement had risen though his voice which had begun
with unusual strength was getting hoarser
»What wonder The night is unto them that they have no vision in their
darkness they are unable to divine the sun is gone down over the prophets and
the day is dark above them their observances are as nameless relics But which
among the chief of the Gentile nations has not an ignorant multitude They scorn
our peoples ignorant observance but the most accursed ignorance is that which
has no observance sunk to the cunning greed of the fox to which all law is no
more than a trap or the cry of the worrying hound There is a degradation deep
down below the memory that has withered into superstition In the multitudes of
the ignorant on three continents who observe our rites and make the confession
of the divine Unity the soul of Judaism is not dead Revive the organic centre
let the unity of Israel which has made the growth and form of its religion be an
outward reality Looking towards a land and a polity our dispersed people in
all the ends of the earth may share the dignity of a national life which has a
voice among the peoples of the East and the West which will plant the wisdom
and skill of our race so that it may be as of old a medium of transmission and
understanding Let that come to pass and the living warmth will spread to the
weak extremities of Israel and superstition will vanish not in the lawlessness
of the renegade but in the illumination of great facts which widen feeling and
make all knowledge alive as the young offspring of beloved memories«
Mordecais voice had sunk but with the hectic brilliancy of his gaze it was
not the less impressive His extraordinary excitement was certainly due to
Derondas presence it was to Deronda that he was speaking and the moment had a
testamentary solemnity for him which rallied all his powers Yet the presence of
those other familiar men promoted expression for they embodied the indifference
which gave a resistant energy to his speech Not that he looked at Deronda he
seemed to see nothing immediately around him and if any one had grasped him he
would probably not have known it Again the former words came back to Derondas
mind »You must hope my hopes see the vision I point to behold a glory
where I behold it« They came now with gathered pathos Before him stood as a
living suffering reality what hitherto he had only seen as an effort of
imagination which in its comparative faintness yet carried a suspicion of
being exaggerated a man steeped in poverty and obscurity weakened by disease
consciously within the shadow of advancing death but living an intense life in
an invisible past and future careless of his personal lot except for its
possibly making some obstruction to a conceived good which he would never share
except as a brief inward vision a day afar off whose sun would never warm
him but into which he threw his souls desire with a passion often wanting to
the personal motives of healthy youth It was something more than a grandiose
transfiguration of the parental love that toils renounces endures resists the
suicidal promptings of despair all because of the little ones whose future
becomes present to the yearning gaze of anxiety
All eyes were fixed on Mordecai as he sat down again and none with
unkindness but it happened that the one who felt the most kindly was the most
prompted to speak in opposition This was the genial and rational Gideon who
also was not without a sense that he was addressing the guest of the evening He
said
»You have your own way of looking at things Mordecai and as you say your
own way seems to you rational I know you dont hold with the restoration to
Judea by miracle and so on but you are as well aware as I am that the subject
has been mixed with a heap of nonsense both by Jews and Christians And as to
the connection of our race with Palestine it has been perverted by superstition
till its as demoralising as the old poorlaw The raff and scum go there to be
maintained like ablebodied paupers and to be taken special care of by the
angel Gabriel when they die Its no use fighting against facts We must look
where they point thats what I call rationality The most learned and liberal
men among us who are attached to our religion are for clearing our liturgy of
all such notions as a literal fulfilment of the prophecies about restoration
and so on Prune it of a few useless rites and literal interpretations of that
sort and our religion is the simplest of all religions and makes no barrier
but a union between us and the rest of the world«
»As plain as a pikestaff« said Pash with an ironical laugh »You pluck it
up by the roots strip off the leaves and bark shave off the knots and smooth
it at top and bottom put it where you will it will do no harm it will never
sprout You may make a handle of it or you may throw it on the bonfire of
scoured rubbish I dont see why our rubbish is to be held sacred any more than
the rubbish of Brahmanism or Bouddhism«
»No« said Mordecai »no Pash because you have lost the heart of the Jew
Community was felt before it was called good I praise no superstition I praise
the living fountains of enlarging belief What is growth completion
development You began with that question I apply it to the history of our
people I say that the effect of our separateness will not be completed and have
its highest transformation unless our race takes on again the character of a
nationality That is the fulfilment of the religious trust that moulded them
into a people whose life has made half the inspiration of the world What is it
to me that the ten tribes are lost untraceably or that multitudes of the
children of Judah have mixed themselves with the Gentile populations as a river
with rivers Behold our people still Their skirts spread afar they are torn
and soiled and trodden on but there is a jewelled breastplate Let the wealthy
men the monarchs of commerce the learned in all knowledge the skilful in all
arts the speakers the political counsellors who carry in their veins the
Hebrew blood which has maintained its vigour in all climates and the pliancy of
the Hebrew genius for which difficulty means new device let them say we will
lift up a standard we will unite in a labour hard but glorious like that of
Moses and Ezra a labour which shall be a worthy fruit of the long anguish
whereby our fathers maintained their separateness refusing the ease of
falsehood They have wealth enough to redeem the soil from debauched and
paupered conquerors they have the skill of the statesman to devise the tongue
of the orator to persuade And is there no prophet or poet among us to make the
ears of Christian Europe tingle with shame at the hideous obloquy of Christian
strife which the Turk gazes at as at the fighting of beasts to which he has lent
an arena There is store of wisdom among us to found a new Jewish polity grand
simple just like the old a republic where there is equality of protection
an equality which shone like a star on the forehead of our ancient community
and gave it more than the brightness of Western freedom amid the despotisms of
the East Then our race shall have an organic centre a heart and brain to watch
and guide and execute the outraged Jew shall have a defence in the court of
nations as the outraged Englishman or American And the world will gain as
Israel gains For there will be a community in the van of the East which carries
the culture and the sympathies of every great nation in its bosom there will be
a land set for a haltingplace of enmities a neutral ground for the East as
Belgium is for the West Difficulties I know there are difficulties But let
the spirit of sublime achievement move in the great among our people and the
work will begin«
»Ay we may safely admit that Mordecai« said Pash »When there are great
men on Change and highflying professors converted to your doctrine
difficulties will vanish like smoke«
Deronda inclined by nature to take the side of those on whom the arrows of
scorn were falling could not help replying to Pashs outfling and said
»If we look back to the history of efforts which have made great changes it
is astonishing how many of them seemed hopeless to those who looked on in the
beginning Take what we have all heard and seen something of the effort after
the unity of Italy which we are sure soon to see accomplished to the very last
boundary Look into Mazzinis account of his first yearning when he was a boy
after a restored greatness and a new freedom to Italy and of his first efforts
as a young man to rouse the same feelings in other young men and get them to
work towards a united nationality Almost everything seemed against him his
countrymen were ignorant or indifferent governments hostile Europe
incredulous Of course the scorners often seemed wise Yet you see the prophecy
lay with him As long as there is a remnant of national consciousness I suppose
nobody will deny that there may be a new stirring of memories and hopes which
may inspire arduous action«
»Amen« said Mordecai to whom Derondas words were a cordial »What is
needed is the leaven what is needed is the seed of fire The heritage of
Israel is beating in the pulses of millions it lives in their veins as a power
without understanding like the morning exultation of herds it is the inborn
half of memory moving as in a dream among writings on the walls which it sees
dimly but cannot divide into speech Let the torch of visible community be lit
Let the reason of Israel disclose itself in a great outward deed and let there
be another great migration another choosing of Israel to be a nationality whose
members may still stretch to the ends of the earth even as the sons of England
and Germany whom enterprise carries afar but who still have a national hearth
and a tribunal of national opinion Will any say It cannot be Baruch Spinoza
had not a faithful Jewish heart though he had sucked the life of his intellect
at the breasts of Jewish tradition He laid bare his fathers nakedness and
said They who scorn him have the higher wisdom Yet Baruch Spinoza confessed
he saw not why Israel should not again be a chosen nation Who says that the
history and literature of our race are dead Are they not as living as the
history and literature of Greece and Rome which have inspired revolutions
enkindled the thought of Europe and made the unrighteous powers tremble These
were an inheritance dug from the tomb Ours is an inheritance that has never
ceased to quiver in millions of human frames«
Mordecai had stretched his arms upward and his long thin hands quivered in
the air for a moment after he had ceased to speak Gideon was certainly a little
moved for though there was no long pause before he made a remark in objection
his tone was more mild and deprecatory than before Pash meanwhile pressing
his lips together rubbing his black head with both his hands and wrinkling his
brow horizontally with the expression of one who differs from every speaker
but does not think it worth while to say so There is a sort of human paste that
when it comes near the fire of enthusiasm is only baked into harder shape
»It may seem well enough on one side to make so much of our memories and
inheritance as you do Mordecai« said Gideon »but theres another side It
isnt all gratitude and harmless glory Our people have inherited a good deal of
hatred Theres a pretty lot of curses still flying about and stiff settled
rancour inherited from the times of persecution How will you justify keeping
one sort of memory and throwing away the other There are ugly debts standing on
both sides«
»I justify the choice as all other choice is justified« said Mordecai »I
cherish nothing for the Jewish nation I seek nothing for them but the good
which promises good to all the nations The spirit of our religious life which
is one with our national life is not hatred of aught but wrong The Masters
have said an offence against man is worse than an offence against God But what
wonder if there is hatred in the breasts of Jews who are children of the
ignorant and oppressed what wonder since there is hatred in the breasts of
Christians Our national life was a growing light Let the central fire be
kindled again and the light will reach afar The degraded and scorned of our
race will learn to think of their sacred land not as a place for saintly
beggary to await death in loathsome idleness but as a republic where the Jewish
spirit manifests itself in a new order founded on the old purified enriched by
the experience our greatest sons have gathered from the life of the ages How
long is it only two centuries since a vessel carried over the ocean the
beginning of the great North American nation The people grew like meeting
waters they were various in habit and sect there came a time a century ago
when they needed a polity and there were heroes of peace among them What had
they to form a polity with but memories of Europe corrected by the vision of a
better Let our wise and wealthy show themselves heroes They have the memories
of the East and West and they have the full vision of a better A new Persia
with a purified religion magnified itself in art and wisdom So will a new
Judæa poised between East and West a covenant of reconciliation Will any
say the prophetic vision of your race has been hopelessly mixed with folly and
bigotry the angel of progress has no message for Judaism it is a halfburied
city for the paid workers to lay open the waters are rushing by it as a
forsaken field I say that the strongest principle of growth lies in human
choice The sons of Judah have to choose that God may again choose them The
Messianic time is the time when Israel shall will the planting of the national
ensign The Nile overflowed and rushed onward the Egyptian could not choose the
overflow but he chose to work and make channels for the fructifying waters and
Egypt because the land of corn Shall man whose soul is set in the royalty of
discernment and resolve deny his rank and say I am an onlooker ask no choice
or purpose of me That is the blasphemy of this time The divine principle of
our race is action choice resolved memory Let us contradict the blasphemy
and help to will our own better future and the better future of the world not
renounce our higher gift and say Let us be as if we were not among the
populations but choose our full heritage claim the brotherhood of our nation
and carry into it a new brotherhood with the nations of the Gentiles The vision
is there it will be fulfilled«
With the last sentence which was no more than a loud whisper Mordecai let
his chin sink on his breast and his eyelids fall No one spoke It was not the
first time that he had insisted on the same ideas but he was seen tonight in a
new phase The quiet tenacity of his ordinary self differed as much from his
present exaltation of mood as a man in private talk giving reasons for a
revolution of which no sign is discernible differs from one who feels himself
an agent in a revolution begun The dawn of fulfilment brought to his hope by
Derondas presence had wrought Mordecais conception into a state of impassioned
conviction and he had found strength in his excitement to pour forth the
unlocked floods of emotive argument with a sense of haste as at a crisis which
must be seized But now there had come with the quiescence of fatigue a sort of
thankful wonder that he had spoken a contemplation of his life as a journey
which had come at last to this bourne After a great excitement the ebbing
strength of impulse is apt to leave us in this aloofness from our active self
And in the moments after Mordecai had sunk his head his mind was wandering
along the paths of his youth and all the hopes which had ended in bringing him
hither
Every one felt that the talk was ended and the tone of phlegmatic
discussion made unseasonable by Mordecais highpitched solemnity It was as if
they had come together to hear the blowing of the shophar and had nothing to do
now but to disperse The movement was unusually general and in less than ten
minutes the room was empty of all except Mordecai and Deronda Goodnights had
been given to Mordecai but it was evident he had not heard them for he
remained rapt and motionless Deronda would not disturb this needful rest but
waited for a spontaneous movement
Chapter XLIII
»My spirit is too weak mortality
Weighs heavily on me like unwilling sleep
And each imagined pinnacle and steep
Of godlike hardship tells me I must die
Like a sick eagle looking at the sky«
Keats
After a few minutes the unwonted stillness had penetrated Mordecais
consciousness and he looked up at Deronda not in the least with bewilderment
and surprise but with a gaze full of reposing satisfaction Deronda rose and
placed his chair nearer where there could be no imagined need for raising the
voice Mordecai felt the action as a patient feels the gentleness that eases his
pillow He began to speak in a low tone as if he were only thinking
articulately not trying to reach an audience
»In the doctrine of the Cabbala souls are born again and again in new
bodies till they are perfected and purified and a soul liberated from a
wornout body may join the fellowsoul that needs it that they may be perfected
together and their earthly work accomplished Then they will depart from the
mortal region and leave place for new souls to be born out of the store in the
eternal bosom It is the lingering imperfection of the souls already born into
the mortal region that hinders the birth of new souls and the preparation of the
Messianic time thus the mind has given shape to what is hidden as the shadow
of what is known and has spoken truth though it were only in parable When my
longwandering soul is liberated from this weary body it will join yours and
its work will be perfected«
Mordecais pause seemed an appeal which Derondas feeling would not let him
leave unanswered He tried to make it truthful but for Mordecais ear it was
inevitably filled with unspoken meanings He only said
»Everything I can in conscience do to make your life effective I will do«
»I know it« said Mordecai in the tone of quiet certainty which dispenses
with further assurance »I heard it You see it all you are by my side on the
mount of vision and behold the paths of fulfilment which others deny«
He was silent a moment or two and then went on meditatively
»You will take up my life where it was broken I feel myself back in that
day when my life was broken The bright morning sun was on the quay it was at
Trieste the garments of men from all nations shone like jewels the boats
were pushing off the Greek vessel that would land us at Beyrout was to start
in an hour I was going with a merchant as his clerk and companion I said I
shall behold the lands and people of the East and I shall speak with a fuller
vision I breathed then as you do without labour I had the light step and the
endurance of youth I could fast I could sleep on the hard ground I had wedded
poverty and I loved my bride for poverty to me was freedom My heart exulted
as if it had been the heart of Moses ben Maimon strong with the strength of
threescore years and knowing the work that was to fill them It was the first
time I had been south the soul within me felt its former sun and standing on
the quay where the ground I stood on seemed to send forth light and the
shadows had an azure glory as of spirits become visible I felt myself in the
flood of a glorious life wherein my own small yearcounted existence seemed to
melt so that I knew it not and a great sob arose within me as at the rush of
waters that were too strong a bliss So I stood there awaiting my companion and
I saw him not till he said Ezra I have been to the post and there is your
letter«
»Ezra« exclaimed Deronda unable to contain himself
»Ezra« repeated Mordecai affirmatively engrossed in memory »I was
expecting a letter for I wrote continually to my mother And that sound of my
name was like the touch of a wand that recalled me to the body wherefrom I had
been released as it were to mingle with the ocean of human existence free from
the pressure of individual bondage I opened the letter and the name came again
as a cry that would have disturbed me in the bosom of heaven and made me yearn
to reach where that sorrow was Ezra my son«
Mordecai paused again his imagination arrested by the grasp of that
longpast moment Derondas mind was almost breathlessly suspended on what was
coming A strange possibility had suddenly presented itself Mordecais eyes
were cast down in abstracted contemplation and in a few moments he went on
»She was a mother of whom it might have come yea might have come to be
said Her children arise up and call her blessed In her I understood the
meaning of that Master who perceiving the footsteps of his mother rose up and
said The majesty of the Eternal cometh near And that letter was her cry from
the depths of anguish and desolation the cry of a mother robbed of her little
one I was her eldest Death had taken four babes one after the other Then
came late my little sister who was more than all the rest the desire of her
mothers eyes and the letter was a piercing cry to me Ezra my son I am
robbed of her He has taken her away and left disgrace behind They will never
come again« Here Mordecai lifted his eyes suddenly laid his hand on
Derondas arm and said »Mine was the lot of Israel For the sin of the father
my soul must go into exile For the sin of the father the work was broken and
the day of fulfilment delayed She who bore me was desolate disgraced
destitute I turned back On the instant I turned her spirit and the spirit
of her fathers who had worthy Jewish hearts moved within me and drew me God
in whom dwells the universe was within me as the strength of obedience I
turned and travelled with hardship to save the scant money which she would
need I left the sunshine and travelled into freezing cold In the last stage I
spent a night in exposure to cold and snow And that was the beginning of this
slow death«
Mordecai let his eyes wander again and removed his hand Deronda resolutely
repressed the questions which urged themselves within him While Mordecai was in
this state of emotion no other confidence must be sought than what came
spontaneously nay he himself felt a kindred emotion which made him dread his
own speech as too momentous
»But I worked We were destitute everything had been seized And she was
ill the clutch of anguish was too strong for her and wrought with some lurking
disease At times she could not stand for the beating of her heart and the
images in her brain became as chambers of terror where she beheld my sister
reared in evil In the dead of night I heard her crying for her child Then I
rose and we stretched forth our arms together and prayed We poured forth our
souls in desire that Mirah might be delivered from evil«
»Mirah« Deronda repeated wishing to assure himself that his ears had not
been deceived by a forecasting imagination »Did you say Mirah«
»That was my little sisters name After we had prayed for her my mother
would rest awhile It lasted hardly four years and in the minutes before she
died we were praying the same prayer I aloud she silently Her soul went out
upon its wings«
»Have you never since heard of your sister« said Deronda as quietly as he
could
»Never Never have I heard whether she was delivered according to our
prayer I know not I know not Who shall say where the pathways lie The
poisonous will of the wicked is strong It poisoned my life it is slowly
stifling this breath Death delivered my mother and I felt it a blessedness
that I was alone in the winters of suffering But what are the winters now
they are far off« here Mordecai again rested his hand on Derondas arm and
looked at him with that joy of the hectic patient which pierces us to sadness
»there is nothing to wail in the withering of my body The work will be the
better done Once I said the work of this beginning is mine I am born to do
it Well I shall do it I shall live in you I shall live in you«
His grasp had become convulsive in its force and Deronda agitated as he
had never been before the certainty that this was Mirahs brother suffusing
his own strange relation to Mordecai with a new solemnity and tenderness felt
his strong young heart beating faster and his lips paling He shrank from
speech He feared in Mordecais present state of exaltation already an
alarming strain on his feeble frame to utter a word of revelation about Mirah
He feared to make an answer below that high pitch of expectation which resembled
a flash from a dying fire making watchers fear to see it dying the faster His
dominant impulse was to do as he had once done before he laid his firm gentle
hand on the hand that grasped him Mordecais as if it had a soul of its own
for he was not distinctly willing to do what he did relaxed its grasp and
turned upward under Derondas As the two palms met and pressed each other
Mordecai recovered some sense of his surroundings and said
»Let us go now I cannot talk any longer«
And in fact they parted at Cohens door without having spoken to each other
again merely with another pressure of the hands
Deronda felt a weight on him which was half joy half anxiety The joy of
finding in Mirahs brother a nature even more than worthy of that relation to
her had the weight of solemnity and sadness the reunion of brother and sister
was in reality the first stage of a supreme parting like that farewell kiss
which resembles greeting that last glance of love which becomes the sharpest
pang of sorrow Then there was the weight of anxiety about the revelation of the
fact on both sides and the arrangements it would be desirable to make
beforehand I suppose we should all have felt as Deronda did without sinking
into snobbishness or the notion that the primal duties of life demand a morning
and an evening suit that it was an admissible desire to free Mirahs first
meeting with her brother from all jarring outward conditions His own sense of
deliverance from the dreaded relationship of the other Cohens notwithstanding
their good nature made him resolve if possible to keep them in the background
for Mirah until her acquaintance with them would be an unmarred rendering of
gratitude for any kindness they had shown towards her brother On all accounts
he wished to give Mordecai surroundings not only more suited to his frail bodily
condition but less of a hindrance to easy intercourse even apart from the
decisive prospect of Mirahs taking up her abode with her brother and tending
him through the precious remnant of his life In the heroic drama great
recognitions are not encumbered with these details and certainly Deronda had as
reverential an interest in Mordecai and Mirah as he could have had in the
offspring of Agamemnon but he was caring for destinies still moving in the dim
streets of our earthly life not yet lifted among the constellations and his
task presented itself to him as difficult and delicate especially in persuading
Mordecai to change his abode and habits Concerning Mirahs feeling and resolve
he had no doubt there would be a complete union of sentiment towards the
departed mother and Mirah would understand her brothers greatness Yes
greatness that was the word which Deronda now deliberately chose to signify the
impression that Mordecai made on him He said to himself perhaps rather
defiantly towards the more negative spirit within him that this man however
erratic some of his interpretations might be this consumptive Jewish workman
in threadbare clothing lodged by charity delivering himself to hearers who
took his thoughts without attaching more consequences to them than the Flemings
to the ethereal chimes ringing above their marketplaces had the chief
elements of greatness a mind consciously energetically moving with the larger
march of human destinies but not the less full of conscience and tender heart
for the footsteps that tread near and need a leaningplace capable of
conceiving and choosing a lifes task with faroff issues yet capable of the
unapplauded heroism which turns off the road of achievement at the call of the
nearer duty whose effect lies within the beatings of the hearts that are close
to us as the hunger of the unfledged bird to the breast of its parent
Deronda tonight was stirred with the feeling that the brief remnant of this
fervid life had become his charge He had been peculiarly wrought on by what he
had seen at the club of the friendly indifference which Mordecai must have gone
on encountering His own experience of the small room that ardour can make for
itself in ordinary minds had had the effect of increasing his reserve and while
tolerance was the easiest attitude to him there was another bent in him also
capable of becoming a weakness the dislike to appear exceptional or to risk an
ineffective insistance on his own opinion But such caution appeared
contemptible to him just now when he for the first time saw in a complete
picture and felt as a reality the lives that burn themselves out in solitary
enthusiasm martyrs of obscure circumstance exiled in the rarity of their own
minds whose deliverances in other ears are no more than a long passionate
soliloquy unless perhaps at last when they are nearing the invisible shores
signs of recognition and fulfilment may penetrate the cloud of loneliness or
perhaps it may be with them as with the dying Copernicus made to touch the first
printed copy of his book when the sense of touch was gone seeing it only as a
dim object through the deepening dusk
Deronda had been brought near to one of those spiritual exiles and it was
in his nature to feel the relation as a strong claim nay to feel his
imagination moving without repugnance in the direction of Mordecais desires
With all his latent objection to schemes only definite in their generality and
nebulous in detail in the poise of his sentiments he felt at one with this man
who had made a visionary selection of him the lines of what may be called their
emotional theory touched He had not the Jewish consciousness but he had a
yearning grown the stronger for the denial which had been his grievance after
the obligation of avowed filial and social ties His feeling was ready for
difficult obedience In this way it came that he set about his new task
ungrudgingly and again he thought of Mrs Meyrick as his chief helper To her
first he must make known the discovery of Mirahs brother and with her he must
consult on all preliminaries of bringing the mutually lost together Happily the
best quarter for a consumptive patient did not lie too far off the small house
at Chelsea and the first office Deronda had to perform for this Hebrew prophet
who claimed him as a spiritual inheritor was to get him a healthy lodging Such
is the irony of earthly mixtures that the heroes have not always had carpets
and teacups of their own and seen through the open window by the
mackerelvendor may have been invited with some hopefulness to pay three
hundred per cent in the form of fourpence However Derondas mind was busy with
a prospective arrangement for giving a furnished lodging some faint likeness to
a refined home by dismantling his own chambers of his best old books in vellum
his easiest chair and the basreliefs of Milton and Dante
But was not Mirah to be there What furniture can give such finish to a room
as a tender womans face and is there any harmony of tints that has such
stirrings of delight as the sweet modulations of her voice Here is one good at
least thought Deronda that comes to Mordecai from his having fixed his
imagination on me He has recovered a perfect sister whose affection is waiting
for him
Chapter XLIV
Fairy folk alistening
Hear the seed sprout in the spring
And for music to their dance
Hear the hedgerows wake from trance
Sap that trembles into buds
Sending little rhythmic floods
Of fairy sound in fairy ears
Thus all beauty that appears
Has birth as sound to finer sense
And lighterclad intelligence
And Gwendolen She was thinking of Deronda much more than he was thinking of
her often wondering what were his ideas »about things« and how his life was
occupied But a lapdog would be necessarily at a loss in framing to itself the
motives and adventures of doghood at large and it was as far from Gwendolens
conception that Derondas life could be determined by the historical destiny of
the Jews as that he could rise into the air on a brazen horse and so vanish
from her horizon in the form of a twinkling star
With all the sense of inferiority that had been forced upon her it was
inevitable that she should imagine a larger place for herself in his thoughts
than she actually possessed They must be rather old and wise persons who are
not apt to see their own anxiety or elation about themselves reflected in other
minds and Gwendolen with her youth and inward solitude may be excused for
dwelling on signs of special interest in her shown by the one person who had
impressed her with the feeling of submission and for mistaking the colour and
proportion of those signs in the mind of Deronda
Meanwhile what would he tell her that she ought to do »He said I must get
more interest in others and more knowledge and that I must care about the best
things but how am I to begin« She wondered what books he would tell her to
take up to her own room and recalled the famous writers that she had either not
looked into or had found the most unreadable with a halfsmiling wish that she
could mischievously ask Deronda if they were not the books called »medicine for
the mind« Then she repented of her sauciness and when she was safe from
observation carried up a miscellaneous selection Descartes Bacon Locke
Butler Burke Guizot knowing as a clever young lady of education that these
authors were ornaments of mankind feeling sure that Deronda had read them and
hoping that by dipping into them all in succession with her rapid understanding
she might get a point of view nearer to his level
But it was astonishing how little time she found for these vast mental
excursions Constantly she had to be on the scene as Mrs Grandcourt and to
feel herself watched in that part by the exacting eyes of a husband who had
found a motive to exercise his tenacity that of making his marriage answer all
the ends he chose and with the more completeness the more he discerned any
opposing will in her And she herself whatever rebellion might be going on
within her could not have made up her mind to failure in her representation No
feeling had yet reconciled her for a moment to any act word or look that would
be a confession to the world and what she most dreaded in herself was any
violent impulse that would make an involuntary confession it was the will to be
silent in every other direction that had thrown the more impetuosity into her
confidences towards Deronda to whom her thought continually turned as a help
against herself Her riding her hunting her visiting and receiving of visits
were all performed in a spirit of achievement which served instead of zest and
young gladness so that all round Diplow in those weeks of the New Year Mrs
Grandcourt was regarded as wearing her honours with triumph
»She disguises it under an air of taking everything as a matter of course«
said Mrs Arrowpoint »A stranger might suppose that she had condescended rather
than risen I always noticed that doubleness in her«
To her mother most of all Gwendolen was bent on acting complete
satisfaction and poor Mrs Davilow was so far deceived that she took the
unexpected distance at which she was kept in spite of what she felt to be
Grandcourts handsome behaviour in providing for her as a comparative
indifference in her daughter now that marriage had created new interests To be
fetched to lunch and then to dinner along with the Gascoignes to be driven back
soon after breakfast the next morning and to have brief calls from Gwendolen in
which her husband waited for her outside either on horseback or sitting in the
carriage was all the intercourse allowed to the mother
The truth was that the second time Gwendolen proposed to invite her mother
with Mr and Mrs Gascoigne Grandcourt had at first been silent and then
drawled »We cant be having those people always Gascoigne talks too much
Country clergy are always bores with their confounded fuss about everything«
That speech was full of foreboding for Gwendolen To have her mother classed
under »those people« was enough to confirm the previous dread of bringing her
too near Still she could not give the true reasons she could not say to her
mother »Mr Grandcourt wants to recognise you as little as possible and
besides it is better you should not see much of my married life else you might
find out that I am miserable« So she waived as lightly as she could every
allusion to the subject and when Mrs Davilow again hinted the possibility of
her having a house close to Ryelands Gwendolen said »It would not be so nice
for you as being near the Rectory here mamma We shall perhaps be very little
at Ryelands You would miss my aunt and uncle«
And all the while this contemptuous veto of her husbands on any intimacy
with her family making her proudly shrink from giving them the aspect of
troublesome pensioners was rousing more inward inclination towards them She
had never felt so kindly towards her uncle so much disposed to look back on his
cheerful complacent activity and spirit of kind management even when mistaken
as more of a comfort than the neutral loftiness which was every day chilling
her And here perhaps she was unconsciously finding some of that mental
enlargement which it was hard to get from her occasional dashes into difficult
authors who instead of blending themselves with her daily agitations required
her to dismiss them
It was a delightful surprise one day when Mr and Mrs Gascoigne were at
Offendene to see Gwendolen ride up without her husband with the groom only
All including the four girls and Miss Merry seated in the diningroom at
lunch could see the welcome approach and even the elder ones were not without
something of Isabels romantic sense that the beautiful sister on the splendid
chesnut which held its head as if proud to bear her was a sort of Harriet
Byron or Miss Wardour reappearing out of her »happiness ever after«
Her uncle went to the door to give her his hand and she sprang from her
horse with an air of alacrity which might well encourage that notion of
guaranteed happiness for Gwendolen was particularly bent today on setting her
mothers heart at rest and her unusual sense of freedom in being able to make
this visit alone enabled her to bear up under the pressure of painful facts
which were urging themselves anew The seven family kisses were not so tiresome
as they used to be
»Mr Grandcourt is gone out so I determined to fill up the time by coming
to you mamma« said Gwendolen as she laid down her hat and seated herself next
to her mother and then looking at her with a playfully monitory air »That is a
punishment to you for not wearing better lace on your head You didnt think I
should come and detect you you dreadfully carelessaboutyourself mamma« She
gave a caressing touch to the dear head
»Scold me dear« said Mrs Davilow her delicate worn face flushing with
delight »But I wish there was something you could eat after your ride instead
of these scraps Let Jocosa make you a cup of chocolate in your old way You
used to like that«
Miss Merry immediately rose and went out though Gwendolen said »Oh no a
piece of bread or one of those hard biscuits I cant think about eating I am
come to say goodbye«
»What going to Ryelands again« said Mr Gascoigne
»No we are going to town« said Gwendolen beginning to break up a piece of
bread but putting no morsel into her mouth
»It is rather early to go to town« said Mrs Gascoigne »and Mr Grandcourt
not in Parliament«
»Oh there is only one more days hunting to be had and Henleigh has some
business in town with lawyers I think« said Gwendolen »I am very glad I
shall like to go to town«
»You will see your house in Grosvenor Square« said Mrs Davilow She and
the girls were devouring with their eyes every movement of their goddess soon
to vanish
»Yes« said Gwendolen in a tone of assent to the interest of that
expectation »And there is so much to be seen and done in town«
»I wish my dear Gwendolen« said Mr Gascoigne in a tone of cordial
advice »that you would use your influence with Mr Grandcourt to induce him to
enter Parliament A man of his position should make his weight felt in politics
The best judges are confident that the ministry will have to appeal to the
country on this question of further Reform and Mr Grandcourt should be ready
for the opportunity I am not quite sure that his opinions and mine accord
entirely I have not heard him express himself very fully But I dont look at
the matter from that point of view I am thinking of your husbands standing in
the country And he has now come to that stage of life when a man like him
should enter into public affairs A wife has great influence with her husband
Use yours in that direction my dear«
The Rector felt that he was acquitting himself of a duty here and giving
something like the aspect of a public benefit to his nieces match To Gwendolen
the whole speech had the flavour of bitter comedy If she had been merry she
must have laughed at her uncles explanation to her that he had not heard
Grandcourt express himself very fully on politics And the wifes great
influence General maxims about husbands and wives seemed now of a precarious
usefulness Gwendolen herself had once believed in her future influence as an
omnipotence in managing she did not know exactly what But her chief concern
at present was to give an answer that would be felt appropriate
»I should be very glad uncle But I think Mr Grandcourt would not like the
trouble of an election at least unless it could be without his making
speeches I thought candidates always made speeches«
»Not necessarily to any great extent« said Mr Gascoigne »A man of
position and weight can get on without much of it A county member need have
very little trouble in that way and both out of the House and in it is liked
the better for not being a speechifier Tell Mr Grandcourt that I say so«
»Here comes Jocosa with my chocolate after all« said Gwendolen escaping
from a promise to give information that would certainly have been received in a
way inconceivable to the good Rector who pushing his chair a little aside from
the table and crossing his leg looked as well as felt like a worthy specimen of
a clergyman and magistrate giving experienced advice Mr Gascoigne had come to
the conclusion that Grandcourt was a proud man but his own selflove calmed
through life by the consciousness of his general value and personal advantages
was not irritable enough to prevent him from hoping the best about his nieces
husband because her uncle was kept rather haughtily at a distance A certain
aloofness must be allowed to the representative of an old family you would not
expect him to be on intimate terms even with abstractions But Mrs Gascoigne
was less dispassionate on her husbands account and felt Grandcourts
haughtiness as something a little blameable in Gwendolen
»Your uncle and Anna will very likely be in town about Easter« she said
with a vague sense of expressing a slight discontent »Dear Rex hopes to come
out with honours and a fellowship and he wants his father and Anna to meet him
in London that they may be jolly together as he says I shouldnt wonder if
Lord Brackenshaw invited them he has been so very kind since he came back to
the Castle«
»I hope my uncle will bring Anna to stay in Grosvenor Square« said
Gwendolen risking herself so far for the sake of the present moment but in
reality wishing that she might never be obliged to bring any of her family near
Grandcourt again »I am very glad of Rexs good fortune«
»We must not be premature and rejoice too much beforehand« said the
Rector to whom this topic was the happiest in the world and altogether
allowable now that the issue of that little affair about Gwendolen had been so
satisfactory »Not but that I am in correspondence with impartial judges who
have the highest hopes about my son as a singularly clearheaded young man And
of his excellent disposition and principle I have had the best evidence«
»We shall have him a great lawyer some time« said Mrs Gascoigne
»How very nice« said Gwendolen with a concealed scepticism as to niceness
in general which made the word quite applicable to lawyers
»Talking of Lord Brackenshaws kindness« said Mrs Davilow »you dont know
how delightful he has been Gwendolen He has begged me to consider myself his
guest in this house till I can get another that I like he did it in the most
graceful way But now a house has turned up Old Mr Jodson is dead and we can
have his house It is just what I want small but with nothing hideous to make
you miserable thinking about it And it is only a mile from the Rectory You
remember the low white house nearly hidden by the trees as we turn up the lane
to the church«
»Yes but you have no furniture poor mamma« said Gwendolen in a
melancholy tone
»Oh I am saving money for that You know who has made me rather rich
dear« said Mrs Davilow laying her hand on Gwendolens »And Jocosa really
makes so little do for housekeeping it is quite wonderful«
»Oh please let me go upstairs with you and arrange my hat mamma« said
Gwendolen suddenly putting up her hand to her hair and perhaps creating a
desired disarrangement Her heart was swelling and she was ready to cry Her
mother must have been worse off if it had not been for Grandcourt »I suppose I
shall never see all this again« said Gwendolen looking round her as they
entered the black and yellow bedroom and then throwing herself into a chair in
front of the glass with a little groan as of bodily fatigue In the resolve not
to cry she had become very pale
»You are not well dear« said Mrs Davilow
»No that chocolate has made me sick« said Gwendolen putting up her hand
to be taken
»I should be allowed to come to you if you were ill darling« said Mrs
Davilow rather timidly as she pressed the hand to her bosom Something had
made her sure today that her child loved her needed her as much as ever
»Oh yes« said Gwendolen leaning her head against her mother though
speaking as lightly as she could »But you know I never am ill I am as strong
as possible and you must not take to fretting about me but make yourself as
happy as you can with the girls They are better children to you than I have
been you know« She turned up her face with a smile
»You have always been good my darling I remember nothing else«
»Why what did I ever do that was good to you except marry Mr Grandcourt«
said Gwendolen starting up with a desperate resolve to be playful and keep no
more on the perilous edge of agitation »And I should not have done that unless
it had pleased myself« She tossed up her chin and reached her hat
»God forbid child I would not have had you marry for my sake Your
happiness by itself is half mine«
»Very well« said Gwendolen arranging her hat fastidiously »then you will
please to consider that you are half happy which is more than I am used to
seeing you« With the last words she again turned with her old playful smile to
her mother »Now I am ready but oh mamma Mr Grandcourt gives me a quantity
of money and expects me to spend it and I cant spend it and you know I cant
bear charity children and all that and here are thirty pounds I wish the girls
would spend it for me on little things for themselves when you go to the new
house Tell them so« Gwendolen put the notes into her mothers hand and looked
away hastily moving towards the door
»God bless you dear« said Mrs Davilow »It will please them so that you
should have thought of them in particular«
»Oh they are troublesome things but they dont trouble me now« said
Gwendolen turning and nodding playfully She hardly understood her own feeling
in this act towards her sisters but at any rate she did not wish it to be taken
as anything serious She was glad to have got out of the bedroom without showing
more signs of emotion and she went through the rest of her visit and all the
goodbyes with a quiet propriety that made her say to herself sarcastically as
she rode away »I think I am making a very good Mrs Grandcourt«
She believed that her husband was gone to Gadsmere that day had inferred
this as she had long ago inferred who were the inmates of what he had described
as »a doghutch of a place in a black country« and the strange conflict of
feeling within her had had the characteristic effect of sending her to Offendene
with a tightened resolve a form of excitement which was native to her
She wondered at her own contradictions Why should she feel it bitter to her
that Grandcourt showed concern for the beings on whose account she herself was
undergoing remorse Had she not before her marriage inwardly determined to speak
and act on their behalf and since he had lately implied that he wanted to be
in town because he was making arrangements about his will she ought to have
been glad of any sign that he kept a conscience awake towards those at Gadsmere
and yet now that she was a wife the sense that Grandcourt was gone to Gadsmere
was like red heat near a burn She had brought on herself this indignity in her
own eyes this humiliation of being doomed to a terrified silence lest her
husband should discover with what sort of consciousness she had married him and
as she had said to Deronda she »must go on« After the intensest moments of
secret hatred towards this husband who from the very first had cowed her there
always came back the spiritual pressure which made submission inevitable There
was no effort at freedom that would not bring fresh and worse humiliation
Gwendolen could dare nothing except in impulsive action least of all could she
dare premeditatedly a vague future in which the only certain condition was
indignity In spite of remorse it still seemed the worst result of her marriage
that she should in any way make a spectacle of herself and her humiliation was
lightened by her thinking that only Mrs Glasher was aware of the fact which
caused it For Gwendolen had never referred the interview at the Whispering
Stones to Lushs agency her disposition to vague terror investing with shadowy
omnipresence any threat of fatal power over her and so hindering her from
imagining plans and channels by which news had been conveyed to the woman who
had the poisoning skill of a sorceress To Gwendolens mind the secret lay with
Mrs Glasher and there were words in the horrible letter which implied that
Mrs Glasher would dread disclosure to the husband as much as the usurping Mrs
Grandcourt
Something else too she thought of as more of a secret from her husband
than it really was namely that suppressed struggle of desperate rebellion
which she herself dreaded Grandcourt could not indeed fully imagine how things
affected Gwendolen he had no imagination of anything in her but what affected
the gratification of his own will but on this point he had the sensibility
which seems like divination What we see exclusively we are apt to see with some
mistake of proportions and Grandcourt was not likely to be infallible in his
judgments concerning this wife who was governed by many shadowy powers to him
nonexistent He magnified her inward resistance but that did not lessen his
satisfaction in the mastery of it
Chapter XLV
Behold my ladys carriage stop the way
With powdered lacquey and with champing bay
She sweeps the matting treads the crimson stair
Her arduous function solely »to be there«
Like Sirius rising oer the silent sea
She hides her heart in lustre loftily
So the Grandcourts were in Grosvenor Square in time to receive a card for the
musical party at Lady Mallingers there being reasons of business which made
Sir Hugo know beforehand that his illbeloved nephew was coming up It was only
the third evening after their arrival and Gwendolen made rather an
absentminded acquaintance with her new ceilings and furniture preoccupied with
the certainty that she was going to speak to Deronda again and also to see the
Miss Lapidoth who had gone through so much and was »capable of submitting to
anything in the form of duty« For Gwendolen had remembered nearly every word
that Deronda had said about Mirah and especially that phrase which she
repeated to herself bitterly having an illdefined consciousness that her own
submission was something very different She would have been obliged to allow
if any one had said it to her that what she submitted to could not take the
shape of duty but was submission to a yoke drawn on her by an action she was
ashamed of and worn with a strength of selfish motives that left no weight for
duty to carry
The drawingrooms in Park Lane all white gold and pale crimson were
agreeably furnished and not crowded with guests before Mr and Mrs Grandcourt
entered and more than half an hour of instrumental music was being followed by
an interval of movement and chat Klesmer was there with his wife and in his
generous interest for Mirah he proposed to accompany her singing of Leos »O
patria mia« which he had before recommended her to choose as more distinctive
of her than better known music He was already at the piano and Mirah was
standing there conspicuously when Gwendolen magnificent in her pale green
velvet and poisoned diamonds was ushered to a seat of honour well in view of
them With her long sight and selfcommand she had the rare power of quickly
distinguishing persons and objects on entering a full room and while turning
her glance towards Mirah she did not neglect to exchange a bow and smile with
Klesmer as she passed The smile seemed to each a lightningflash back on that
morning when it had been her ambition to stand as the »little Jewess« was
standing and survey a grand audience from the higher rank of her talent
instead of which she was one of the ordinary crowd in silk and gems whose
utmost performance it must be to admire or find fault »He thinks I am in the
right road now« said the lurking resentment within her
Gwendolen had not caught sight of Deronda in her passage and while she was
seated acquitting herself in chat with Sir Hugo she glanced round her with
careful ease bowing a recognition here and there and fearful lest an
anxiouslooking exploration in search of Deronda might be observed by her
husband and afterwards rebuked as something »damnably vulgar« But all
travelling even that of a slow gradual glance round a room brings a liability
to undesired encounters and amongst the eyes that met Gwendolens forcing her
into a slight bow were those of the »amateur too fond of Meyerbeer« Mr Lush
whom Sir Hugo continued to find useful as a halfcaste among gentlemen He was
standing near her husband who however turned a shoulder towards him and was
being understood to listen to Lord Pentreath How was it that at this moment
for the first time there darted through Gwendolen like a disagreeable
sensation the idea that this man knew all about her husbands life He had been
banished from her sight according to her will and she had been satisfied he
had sunk entirely into the background of her thoughts screened away from her by
the agitating figures that kept up an inward drama in which Lush had no place
Here suddenly he reappeared at her husbands elbow and there sprang up in her
like an instantaneously fabricated memory in a dream the sense of his being
connected with the secrets that made her wretched She was conscious of effort
in turning her head away from him trying to continue her wandering survey as if
she had seen nothing of more consequence than the picture on the wall till she
discovered Deronda But he was not looking towards her and she withdrew her
eyes from him without having got any recognition consoling herself with the
assurance that he must have seen her come in In fact he was standing not far
from the door with Hans Meyrick whom he had been careful to bring into Lady
Mallingers list They were both a little more anxious than was comfortable lest
Mirah should not be heard to advantage Deronda even felt himself on the brink
of betraying emotion Mirahs presence now being linked with crowding images of
what had gone before and was to come after all centring in the brother whom he
was soon to reveal to her and he had escaped as soon as he could from the side
of Lady Pentreath who had said in her violoncello voice
»Well your Jewess is pretty theres no denying that But where is her
Jewish impudence She looks as demure as a nun I suppose she learned that on
the stage«
He was beginning to feel on Mirahs behalf something of what he had felt for
himself in his seraphic boyish time when Sir Hugo asked him if he would like to
be a great singer an indignant dislike to her being remarked on in a free and
easy way as if she were an imported commodity disdainfully paid for by the
fashionable public and he winced the more because Mordecai he knew would feel
that the name »Jewess« was taken as a sort of stamp like the lettering of
Chinese silk In this susceptible mood he saw the Grandcourts enter and was
immediately appealed to by Hans about »that Vandyke duchess of a beauty« Pray
excuse Deronda that in this moment he felt a transient renewal of his first
repulsion from Gwendolen as if she and her beauty and her failings were to
blame for the undervaluing of Mirah as a woman a feeling something like class
animosity which affection for what is not fully recognised by others whether
in persons or in poetry rarely allows us to escape To Hans admiring Gwendolen
with his habitual hyperbole he answered with a sarcasm that was not quite
goodhumoured
»I thought you could admire no style of woman but your Berenice«
»That is the style I worship not admire« said Hans »Other styles of
woman I might make myself wicked for but for Berenice I could make myself
well pretty good which is something much more difficult«
»Hush« said Deronda under the pretext that the singing was going to begin
He was not so delighted with the answer as might have been expected and was
relieved by Hanss movement to a more advanced spot
Deronda had never before heard Mirah sing »O patria mia« He knew well
Leopardis fine Ode to Italy when Italy sat like a disconsolate mother in
chains hiding her face on her knees and weeping and the few selected words
were filled for him with the grandeur of the whole which seemed to breathe as
inspiration through the music Mirah singing this made Mordecai more than ever
one presence with her Certain words not included in the song nevertheless rang
within Deronda as harmonies from one invisible
»Non ti difende
Nessun de tuoi Larmi qua larmi io solo
Combatterò procomberò sol io«2
they seemed the very voice of that heroic passion which is falsely said to
devote itself in vain when it achieves the godlike end of manifesting unselfish
love And that passion was present to Deronda now as the vivid image of a man
dying helplessly away from the possibility of battle
Mirah was equal to his wishes While the general applause was sounding
Klesmer gave a more valued testimony audible to her only »Good good the
crescendo better than before« But her chief anxiety was to know that she had
satisfied Mr Deronda any failure on her part this evening would have pained
her as an especial injury to him Of course all her prospects were due to what
he had done for her still this occasion of singing in the house that was his
home brought a peculiar demand She looked towards him in the distance and he
could see that she did but he remained where he was and watched the stream of
emulous admirers closing round her till presently they parted to make way for
Gwendolen who was taken up to be introduced by Mrs Klesmer Easier now about
»the little Jewess« Daniel relented towards poor Gwendolen in her splendour
and his memory went back with some penitence for his momentary hardness over
all the signs and confessions that she too needed a rescue and one much more
difficult than that of the wanderer by the river a rescue for which he felt
himself helpless The silent question »But is it not cowardly to make that a
reason for turning away« was the form in which he framed his resolve to go near
her on the first opportunity and show his regard for her past confidence in
spite of Sir Hugos unwelcome hints
Klesmer having risen to Gwendolen as she approached and being included by
her in the opening conversation with Mirah continued near them a little while
looking down with a smile which was rather in his eyes than on his lips at the
piquant contrast of the two charming young creatures seated on the red divan
The solicitude seemed to be all on the side of the splendid one
»You must let me say how much I am obliged to you« said Gwendolen »I had
heard from Mr Deronda that I should have a great treat in your singing but I
was too ignorant to imagine how great«
»You are very good to say so« answered Mirah her mind chiefly occupied in
contemplating Gwendolen It was like a new kind of stageexperience to her to be
close to genuine grand ladies with genuine brilliants and complexions and they
impressed her vaguely as coming out of some unknown drama in which their parts
perhaps got more tragic as they went on
»We shall all want to learn of you I at least« said Gwendolen »I sing
very badly as Herr Klesmer will tell you« here she glanced upward to that
higher power rather archly and continued »but I have been rebuked for not
liking to be middling since I can be nothing more I think that is a different
doctrine from yours« She was still looking at Klesmer who said quickly
»Not if it means that it would be worth while for you to study further and
for Miss Lapidoth to have the pleasure of helping you« With that he moved away
and Mirah taking everything with naïve seriousness said
»If you think I could teach you I shall be very glad I am anxious to
teach but I have only just begun If I do it well it must be by remembering
how my master taught me«
Gwendolen was in reality too uncertain about herself to be prepared for this
simple promptitude of Mirahs and in her wish to change the subject said with
some lapse from the good taste of her first address
»You have not been long in London I think but you were perhaps
introduced to Mr Deronda abroad«
»No« said Mirah »I never saw him before I came to England in the summer«
»But he has seen you often and heard you sing a great deal has he not«
said Gwendolen led on partly by the wish to hear anything about Deronda and
partly by the awkwardness which besets the readiest person in carrying on a
dialogue when empty of matter »He spoke of you to me with the highest praise
He seemed to know you quite well«
»Oh I was poor and needed help« said Mirah in a new tone of feeling »and
Mr Deronda has given me the best friends in the world That is the only way he
came to know anything about me because he was sorry for me I had no friends
when I came I was in distress I owe everything to him«
Poor Gwendolen who had wanted to be a struggling artist herself could
nevertheless not escape the impression that a mode of inquiry which would have
been rather rude towards herself was an amiable condescension to this Jewess who
was ready to give her lessons The only effect on Mirah as always on any
mention of Deronda was to stir reverential gratitude and anxiety that she
should be understood to have the deepest obligation to him
But both he and Hans who were noticing the pair from a distance would have
felt rather indignant if they had known that the conversation had led up to
Mirahs representation of herself in this light of neediness In the movement
that prompted her however there was an exquisite delicacy which perhaps she
could not have stated explicitly the feeling that she ought not to allow any
one to assume in Deronda a relation of more equality or less generous interest
towards her than actually existed Her answer was delightful to Gwendolen she
thought of nothing but the ready compassion which in another form she had
trusted in and found for herself and on the signals that Klesmer was about to
play she moved away in much content entirely without presentiment that this
Jewish protégée would ever make a more important difference in her life than the
possible improvement of her singing if the leisure and spirits of a Mrs
Grandcourt would allow of other lessons than such as the world was giving her at
rather a high charge
With her wonted alternation from resolute care of appearances to some rash
indulgence of an impulse she chose under the pretext of getting farther from
the instrument not to go again to her former seat but placed herself on a
settee where she could only have one neighbour She was nearer to Deronda than
before was it surprising that he came up in time to shake hands before the
music began then that after he had stood a little while by the elbow of the
settee at the empty end the torrentlike confluences of bass and treble seemed
like a convulsion of nature to cast the conduct of petty mortals into
insignificance and to warrant his sitting down
But when at the end of Klesmers playing there came the outburst of talk
under which Gwendolen had hoped to speak as she would to Deronda she observed
that Mr Lush was within hearing leaning against the wall close by them She
could not help her flush of anger but she tried to have only an air of polite
indifference in saying
»Miss Lapidoth is everything you described her to be«
»You have been very quick in discovering that« said Deronda ironically
»I have not found out all the excellences you spoke of I dont mean that«
said Gwendolen »but I think her singing is charming and herself too Her face
is lovely not in the least common and she is such a complete little person I
should think she will be a great success«
This speech was grating to Deronda and he would not answer it but looked
gravely before him She knew that he was displeased with her and she was
getting so impatient under the neighbourhood of Mr Lush which prevented her
from saying any word she wanted to say that she meditated some desperate step
to get rid of it and remained silent too That constraint seemed to last a long
while neither Gwendolen nor Deronda looking at the other till Lush slowly
relieved the wall of his weight and joined some one at a distance
Gwendolen immediately said »You despise me for talking artificially«
»No« said Deronda looking at her coolly »I think that is quite excusable
sometimes But I did not think what you were last saying was altogether
artificial«
»There was something in it that displeased you« said Gwendolen »What was
it«
»It is impossible to explain such things« said Deronda »One can never
communicate niceties of feeling about words and manner«
»You think I am shut out from understanding them« said Gwendolen with a
slight tremor in her voice which she was trying to conquer »Have I shown
myself so very dense to everything you have said« There was an indescribable
look of suppressed tears in her eyes which were turned on him
»Not at all« said Deronda with some softening of voice »But experience
differs for different people We dont all wince at the same things I have had
plenty of proof that you are not dense« He smiled at her
»But one may feel things and not be able to do anything better for all
that« said Gwendolen not smiling in return the distance to which Derondas
words seemed to throw her chilling her too much »I begin to think we can only
get better by having people about us who raise good feelings You must not be
surprised at anything in me I think it is too late for me to alter I dont
know how to set about being wise as you told me to be«
»I seldom find I do any good by my preaching I might as well have kept from
meddling« said Deronda thinking rather sadly that his interference about that
unfortunate necklace might end in nothing but an added pain to him in seeing her
after all hardened to another sort of gambling than roulette
»Dont say that« said Gwendolen hurriedly feeling that this might be her
only chance of getting the words uttered and dreading the increase of her own
agitation »If you despair of me I shall despair Your saying that I should not
go on being selfish and ignorant has been some strength to me If you say you
wish you had not meddled that means you despair of me and forsake me And
then you will decide for me that I shall not be good It is you who will decide
because you might have made me different by keeping as near to me as you could
and believing in me«
She had not been looking at him as she spoke but at the handle of the fan
which she held closed With the last words she rose and left him returning to
her former place which had been left vacant while every one was settling into
quietude in expectation of Mirahs voice which presently with that wonderful
searching quality of subdued song in which the melody seems simply an effect of
the emotion gave forth Per pietà non dirmi addio
In Derondas ear the strain was for the moment a continuance of Gwendolens
pleading a painful urging of something vague and difficult irreconcilable
with pressing conditions and yet cruel to resist However strange the mixture
in her of a resolute pride and a precocious air of knowing the world with a
precipitate guileless indiscretion he was quite sure now that the mixture
existed Sir Hugos hints had made him alive to dangers that his own disposition
might have neglected but that Gwendolens reliance on him was unvisited by any
dream of his being a man who could misinterpret her was as manifest as morning
and made an appeal which wrestled with his sense of present dangers and with
his foreboding of a growing incompatible claim on him in her mind There was a
foreshadowing of some painful collision on the one side the grasp of Mordecais
dying hand on him with all the ideals and prospects it aroused on the other
this fair creature in silk and gems with her hidden wound and her selfdread
making a trustful effort to lean and find herself sustained It was as if he had
a vision of himself besought with outstretched arms and cries while he was
caught by the waves and compelled to mount the vessel bound for a faroff coast
That was the strain of excited feeling in him that went along with the notes of
Mirahs song but when it ceased he moved from his seat with the reflection that
he had been falling into an exaggeration of his own importance and a ridiculous
readiness to accept Gwendolens view of himself as if he could really have any
decisive power over her
»What an enviable fellow you are« said Hans to him »sitting on a sofa with
that young duchess and having an interesting quarrel with her«
»Quarrel with her« repeated Deronda rather uncomfortably
»Oh about theology of course nothing personal But she told you what you
ought to think and then left you with a grand air which was admirable Is she
an Antinomian if so tell her I am an Antinomian painter and introduce me I
should like to paint her and her husband He has the sort of handsome physique
that the Duke ought to have in Lucrezia Borgia if it could go with a fine
baritone which it cant«
Deronda devoutly hoped that Hanss account of the impression his dialogue
with Gwendolen had made on a distant beholder was no more than a bit of
fantastic representation such as was common with him
And Gwendolen was not without her afterthoughts that her husbands eyes
might have been on her extracting something to reprove some offence against
her dignity as his wife her consciousness telling her that she had not kept up
the perfect air of equability in public which was her own ideal But Grandcourt
made no observation on her behaviour All he said as they were driving home was
»Lush will dine with us among the other people tomorrow You will treat him
civilly«
Gwendolens heart began to beat violently The words that she wanted to
utter as one wants to return a blow were »You are breaking your promise to me
the first promise you made me« But she dared not utter them She was as
frightened at a quarrel as if she had foreseen that it would end with throttling
fingers on her neck After a pause she said in the tone rather of defeat than
resentment
»I thought you did not intend him to frequent the house again«
»I want him just now He is useful to me and he must be treated civilly«
Silence There may come a moment when even an excellent husband who has
dropt smoking under more or less of a pledge during courtship for the first
time will introduce his cigarsmoke between himself and his wife with the tacit
understanding that she will have to put up with it Mr Lush was so to speak a
very large cigar
If these are the sort of lovers vows at which Jove laughs he must have a
merry time of it
Chapter XLVI
»If any one should importune me to give a reason why I loved him I
feel it could no otherwise be expressed than by making answer
Because it was he because it was I There is beyond what I am able
to say I know not what inexplicable and inevitable power that
brought on this union«
Montaigne On Friendship
The time had come to prepare Mordecai for the revelation of the restored sister
and for the change of abode which was desirable before Mirahs meeting with her
brother Mrs Meyrick to whom Deronda had confided everything except Mordecais
peculiar relation to himself had been active in helping him to find a suitable
lodging in Brompton not many minutes walk from her own house so that the
brother and sister would be within reach of her motherly care Her happy mixture
of Scottish caution with her Scottish fervour and Gallic liveliness had enabled
her to keep the secret close from the girls as well as from Hans any betrayal
to them being likely to reach Mirah in some way that would raise an agitating
suspicion and spoil the important opening of that work which was to secure her
independence as we rather arbitrarily call one of the more arduous and
dignified forms of our dependence And both Mrs Meyrick and Deronda had more
reasons than they could have expressed for desiring that Mirah should be able to
maintain herself Perhaps »the little mother« was rather helped in her secrecy
by some dubiousness in her sentiment about the remarkable brother described to
her and certainly if she felt any joy and anticipatory admiration it was due
to her faith in Derondas judgment The consumption was a sorrowful fact that
appealed to her tenderness but how was she to be very glad of an enthusiasm
which to tell the truth she could only contemplate as Jewish pertinacity and
as rather an undesirable introduction among them all of a man whose conversation
would not be more modern and encouraging than that of Scotts Covenanters Her
mind was anything but prosaic and she had her soberer share of Mabs delight in
the romance of Mirahs story and of her abode with them but the romantic or
unusual in real life requires some adaptation We sit up at night to read about
SakyaMouni Saint Francis or Oliver Cromwell but whether we should be glad
for any one at all like them to call on us the next morning still more to
reveal himself as a new relation is quite another affair Besides Mrs Meyrick
had hoped as her children did that the intensity of Mirahs feeling about
Judaism would slowly subside and be merged in the gradually deepening current
of loving interchange with her new friends In fact her secret favourite
continuation of the romance had been no discovery of Jewish relations but
something much more favourable to the hopes she discerned in Hans And now
here was a brother who would dip Mirahs mind over again in the deepest dye of
Jewish sentiment She could not help saying to Deronda
»I am as glad as you are that the pawnbroker is not her brother there are
Ezras and Ezras in the world and really it is a comfort to think that all Jews
are not like those shopkeepers who will not let you get out of their shops and
besides what he said to you about his mother and sister makes me bless him I
am sure hes good But I never did like anything fanatical I suppose I heard a
little too much preaching in my youth and lost my palate for it«
»I dont think you will find that Mordecai obtrudes any preaching« said
Deronda »He is not what I should call fanatical I call a man fanatical when
his enthusiasm is narrow and hoodwinked so that he has no sense of proportions
and becomes unjust and unsympathetic to men who are out of his own track
Mordecai is an enthusiast I should like to keep that word for the highest order
of minds those who care supremely for grand and general benefits to mankind
He is not a strictly orthodox Jew and is full of allowances for others his
conformity in many things is an allowance for the condition of other Jews The
people he lives with are as fond of him as possible and they cant in the least
understand his ideas«
»Oh well I can live up to the level of the pawnbrokers mother and like
him for what I see to be good in him and for what I dont see the merits of I
will take your word According to your definition I suppose one might be
fanatical in worshipping commonsense for my husband used to say the world
would be a poor place if there were nothing but commonsense in it However
Mirahs brother will have good bedding that I have taken care of and I shall
have this extra window pasted up with paper to prevent draughts« The
conversation was taking place in the destined lodging »It is a comfort to
think that the people of the house are no strangers to me no hypocritical
harpies And when the children know we shall be able to make the rooms much
prettier«
»The next stage of the affair is to tell all to Mordecai and get him to
move which may be a more difficult business« said Deronda
»And will you tell Mirah before I say anything to the children« said Mrs
Meyrick But Deronda hesitated and she went on in a tone of persuasive
deliberation »No I think not Let me tell Hans and the girls the evening
before and they will be away the next morning«
»Yes that will be best But do justice to my account of Mordecai or Ezra
as I suppose Mirah will wish to call him dont assist their imagination by
referring to Habakkuk Mucklewrath« said Deronda smiling Mrs Meyrick
herself having used the comparison of the Covenanters
»Trust me trust me« said the little mother »I shall have to persuade them
so hard to be glad that I shall convert myself When I am frightened I find it
a good thing to have somebody to be angry with for not being brave it warms the
blood«
Deronda might have been more argumentative or persuasive about the view to
be taken of Mirahs brother if he had been less anxiously preoccupied with the
more important task immediately before him which he desired to acquit himself
of without wounding the Cohens Mordecai by a memorable answer had made it
evident that he would be keenly alive to any inadvertence in relation to their
feelings In the interval he had been meeting Mordecai at the Hand and Banner
but now after due reflection he wrote to him saying that he had particular
reasons for wishing to see him in his own home the next evening and would beg
to sit with him in his workroom for an hour if the Cohens would not regard it
as an intrusion He would call with the understanding that if there were any
objection Mordecai would accompany him elsewhere Deronda hoped in this way to
create a little expectation that would have a preparatory effect
He was received with the usual friendliness some additional costume in the
women and children and in all the elders a slight air of wondering which even
in Cohen was not allowed to pass the bounds of silence the guests
transactions with Mordecai being a sort of mystery which he was rather proud to
think lay outside the sphere of light which enclosed his own understanding But
when Deronda said »I suppose Mordecai is at home and expecting me« Jacob who
had profited by the family remarks went up to his knee and said »What do you
want to talk to Mordecai about«
»Something that is very interesting to him« said Deronda pinching the
lads ear »but that you cant understand«
»Can you say this« said Jacob immediately giving forth a string of his
rotelearned Hebrew verses with a wonderful mixture of the throaty and the
nasal and nodding his small head at his hearer with a sense of giving
formidable evidence which might rather alter their mutual position
»No really« said Deronda keeping grave »I cant say anything like it«
»I thought not« said Jacob performing a dance of triumph with his small
scarlet legs while he took various objects out of the deep pockets of his
knickerbockers and returned them thither as a slight hint of his resources
after which running to the door of the workroom he opened it wide set his back
against it and said »Mordecai heres the young swell« a copying of his
fathers phrase which seemed to him well fitted to cap the recitation of Hebrew
He was called back with hushes by mother and grandmother and Deronda
entering and closing the door behind him saw that a bit of carpet had been laid
down a chair placed and the fire and lights attended to in sign of the
Cohens respect As Mordecai rose to greet him Deronda was struck with the air
of solemn expectation in his face such as would have seemed perfectly natural
if his letter had declared that some revelation was to be made about the lost
sister Neither of them spoke till Deronda with his usual tenderness of
manner had drawn the vacant chair from the opposite side of the hearth and had
seated himself near to Mordecai who then said in a tone of fervid certainty
»You are come to tell me something that my soul longs for«
»It is true that I have something very weighty to tell you something I
trust that you will rejoice in« said Deronda on his guard against the
probability that Mordecai had been preparing himself for something quite
different from the fact
»It is all revealed it is made clear to you« said Mordecai more eagerly
leaning forward with clasped hands »You are even as my brother that sucked the
breasts of my mother the heritage is yours there is no doubt to divide us«
»I have learned nothing new about myself« said Deronda The disappointment
was inevitable it was better not to let the feeling be strained longer in a
mistaken hope
Mordecai sank back in his chair unable for the moment to care what was
really coming The whole day his mind had been in a state of tension towards one
fulfilment The reaction was sickening and he closed his eyes
»Except« Deronda went on gently after a pause »except that I had really
some time ago come into another sort of hidden connection with you besides what
you have spoken of as existing in your own feeling«
The eyes were not opened but there was a fluttering in the lids
»I had made the acquaintance of one in whom you are interested«
Mordecai opened his eyes and fixed them in a quiet gaze on Deronda the
former painful check repressed all activity of conjecture
»One who is closely related to your departed mother« Deronda went on
wishing to make the disclosure gradual but noticing a shrinking movement in
Mordecai he added »whom she and you held dear above all others«
Mordecai with a sudden start laid a spasmodic grasp on Derondas wrist
there was a great terror in him And Deronda divined it A tremor was
perceptible in his clear tones as he said
»What was prayed for has come to pass Mirah has been delivered from evil«
Mordecais grasp relaxed a little but he was panting with a sort of
tearless sob
Deronda went on »Your sister is worthy of the mother you honoured«
He waited there and Mordecai throwing himself backward in his chair again
closed his eyes uttering himself almost inaudibly for some minutes in Hebrew
and then subsiding into a happylooking silence Deronda watching the
expression in his uplifted face could have imagined that he was speaking with
some beloved object there was a new suffused sweetness something like that on
the faces of the beautiful dead For the first time Deronda thought he discerned
a family resemblance to Mirah
Presently when Mordecai was ready to listen the rest was told But in
accounting for Mirahs flight he made the statements about the fathers conduct
as vague as he could and threw the emphasis on her yearning to come to England
as the place where she might find her mother Also he kept back the fact of
Mirahs intention to drown herself and his own part in rescuing her merely
describing the home she had found with friends of his whose interest in her and
efforts for her he had shared What he dwelt on finally was Mirahs feeling
about her mother and brother and in relation to this he tried to give every
detail
»It was in search of them« said Deronda smiling »that I turned into this
house the name Ezra Cohen was just then the most interesting name in the world
to me I confess I had a fear for a long while Perhaps you will forgive me now
for having asked you that question about the elder Mrs Cohens daughter I
cared very much what I should find Mirahs friends to be But I had found a
brother worthy of her when I knew that her Ezra was disguised under the name of
Mordecai«
»Mordecai is really my name Ezra Mordecai Cohen«
»Is there any kinship between this family and yours« said Deronda
»Only the kinship of Israel My soul clings to these people who have
sheltered me and given me succour out of the affection that abides in Jewish
hearts as a sweet odour in things long crushed and hidden from the outer air
It is good for me to bear with their ignorance and be bound to them in
gratitude that I may keep in mind the spiritual poverty of the Jewish million
and not put impatient knowledge in the stead of loving wisdom«
»But you dont feel bound to continue with them now there is a closer tie to
draw you« said Deronda not without fear that he might find an obstacle to
overcome »It seems to me right now is it not that you should live with
your sister and I have prepared a home to take you to in the neighbourhood of
her friends that she may join you there Pray grant me this wish It will
enable me to be with you often in the hours when Mirah is obliged to leave you
That is my selfish reason But the chief reason is that Mirah will desire to
watch over you and that you ought to give to her the guardianship of a
brothers presence You shall have books about you I shall want to learn of
you and to take you out to see the river and trees And you will have the rest
and comfort that you will be more and more in need of nay that I need for
you This is the claim I make on you now that we have found each other«
Deronda spoke in a tone of earnest affectionate pleading such as he might
have used to a venerated elder brother Mordecais eyes were fixed on him with a
listening contemplation and he was silent for a little while after Deronda had
ceased to speak Then he said with an almost reproachful emphasis
»And you would have me hold it doubtful whether you were born a Jew Have we
not from the first touched each other with invisible fibres have we not
quivered together like the leaves from a common stem with stirrings from a
common root I know what I am outwardly I am one among the crowd of poor I
am stricken I am dying But our souls know each other They gazed in silence as
those who have long been parted and meet again but when they found voice they
were assured and all their speech is understanding The life of Israel is in
your veins«
Deronda sat perfectly still but felt his face tingling It was impossible
either to deny or assent He waited hoping that Mordecai would presently give
him a more direct answer And after a pause of meditation he did say firmly
»What you wish of me I will do And our mother may the blessing of the
Eternal be with her in our souls would have wished it too I will accept what
your lovingkindness has prepared and Mirahs home shall be mine« He paused a
moment and then added in a more melancholy tone »But I shall grieve to part
from these parents and the little ones You must tell them for my heart would
fail me«
»I felt that you would want me to tell them Shall we go now at once« said
Deronda much relieved by this unwavering compliance
»Yes let us not defer it It must be done« said Mordecai rising with the
air of a man who has to perform a painful duty Then came as an afterthought
»But do not dwell on my sister more than is needful«
When they entered the parlour he said to the alert Jacob »Ask your father
to come and tell Sarah to mind the shop My friend has something to say« he
continued turning to the elder Mrs Cohen It seemed part of Mordecais
eccentricity that he should call this gentleman his friend and the two women
tried to show their better manners by warm politeness in begging Deronda to seat
himself in the best place
When Cohen entered with a pen behind his ear he rubbed his hands and said
with loud satisfaction »Well sir Im glad youre doing us the honour to join
our family party again We are pretty comfortable I think«
He looked round with shiny gladness And when all were seated on the hearth
the scene was worth peeping in upon on one side Baby under her scarlet quilt in
the corner being rocked by the young mother and Adelaide Rebekah seated on the
grandmothers knee on the other Jacob between his fathers legs while the two
markedly different figures of Deronda and Mordecai were in the middle Mordecai
a little backward in the shade anxious to conceal his agitated susceptibility
to what was going on around him The chief light came from the fire which
brought out the rich colour on a depth of shadow and seemed to turn into speech
the dark gems of eyes that looked at each other kindly
»I have just been telling Mordecai of an event that makes a great change in
his life« Deronda began »but I hope you will agree with me that it is a joyful
one Since he thinks of you as his best friends he wishes me to tell you for
him at once«
»Relations with money sir« burst in Cohen feeling a power of divination
which it was a pity to nullify by waiting for the fact
»No not exactly« said Deronda smiling »But a very precious relation
wishes to be reunited to him a very good and lovely young sister who will
care for his comfort in every way«
»Married sir«
»No not married«
»But with a maintenance«
»With talents which will secure her a maintenance A home is already
provided for Mordecai«
There was silence for a moment or two before the grandmother said in a
wailing tone
»Well well and so youre going away from us Mordecai«
»And where theres no children as there is here« said the mother catching
the wail
»No Jacob and no Adelaide and no Eugenie« wailed the grandmother again
»Ay ay Jacobs learning ill all wear out of him He must go to school
Itll be hard times for Jacob« said Cohen in a tone of decision
In the wideopen ears of Jacob his fathers words sounded like a doom
giving an awful finish to the dirgelike effect of the whole announcement His
face had been gathering a wondering incredulous sorrow at the notion of
Mordecais going away he was unable to imagine the change as anything lasting
but at the mention of »hard times for Jacob« there was no further suspense of
feeling and he broke forth in loud lamentation Adelaide Rebekah always cried
when her brother cried and now began to howl with astonishing suddenness
whereupon baby awaking contributed angry screams and required to be taken out
of the cradle A great deal of hushing was necessary and Mordecai feeling the
cries pierce him put out his arms to Jacob who in the midst of his tears and
sobs was turning his head right and left for general observation His father
who had been saying »Never mind old man you shall go to the riders« now
released him and he went to Mordecai who clasped him and laid his cheek on
the little black head without speaking But Cohen sensible that the master of
the family must make some apology for all this weakness and that the occasion
called for a speech addressed Deronda with some elevation of pitch squaring
his elbows and resting a hand on each knee
»Its not as were the people to grudge anybodys good luck sir or the
portion of their cup being made fuller as I may say Im not an envious man
and if anybody offered to set up Mordecai in a shop of my sort two doors lower
down I shouldnt make wry faces about it Im not one of them that had need
have a poor opinion of themselves and be frightened at anybody else getting a
chance If Im offal let a wise man come and tell me for Ive never heard it
yet And in point of business Im not a class of goods to be in danger If
anybody takes to rolling me I can pack myself up like a caterpillar and find
my feet when Im let alone And though as I may say youre taking some of our
good works from us which is a property bearing interest Im not saying but we
can afford that though my mother and my wife had the good will to wish and do
for Mordecai to the last and a Jew must not be like a servant who works for
reward though I see nothing against a reward if I can get it And as to the
extra outlay in schooling Im neither poor nor greedy I wouldnt hang myself
for sixpence nor half a crown neither But the truth of it is the women and
children are fond of Mordecai You may partly see how it is sir by your own
sense A Jewish man is bound to thank God day by day that he was not made a
woman but a woman has to thank God that He has made her according to His will
And we all know what He has made her a childbearing tenderhearted thing is
the woman of our people Her children are mostly stout as I think youll say
Addys are and shes not mushy but her heart is tender So you must excuse
present company sir for not being glad all at once And as to this young lady
for by what you say young lady is the proper term« Cohen here threw some
additional emphasis into his look and tone »we shall all be glad for
Mordecais sake byandby when we cast up our accounts and see where we are«
Before Deronda could summon any answer to this oddly mixed speech Mordecai
exclaimed
»Friends friends For food and raiment and shelter I would not have sought
better than you have given me You have sweetened the morsel with love and what
I thought of as a joy that would be left to me even in the last months of my
waning strength was to go on teaching the lad But now I am as one who had clad
himself beforehand in his shroud and used himself to making the grave his bed
when the divine command sounded in his ears Arise and go forth the night is
not yet come For no light matter would I have turned away from your kindness to
take anothers But it has been taught us as you know that the reward of one
duty is the power to fulfil another so said Ben Azai You have made your duty
to one of the poor among your brethren a joy to you and me and your reward
shall be that you will not rest without the joy of like deeds in the time to
come And may not Jacob come and visit me«
Mordecai had turned with this question to Deronda who said
»Surely that can be managed It is no further than Brompton«
Jacob who had been gradually calmed by the need to hear what was going
forward began now to see some daylight on the future the word »visit« having
the lively charm of cakes and general relaxation at his grandfathers the
dealer in knives He danced away from Mordecai and took up a station of survey
in the middle of the hearth with his hands in his knickerbockers
»Well« said the grandmother with a sigh of resignation »I hope therell
be nothing in the way of your getting kosher meat Mordecai For youll have to
trust to those you live with«
»Thats all right thats all right you may be sure mother« said Cohen
as if anxious to cut off inquiry on matters in which he was uncertain of the
guests position »So sir« he added turning with a look of amused
enlightenment to Deronda »it was better than learning you had to talk to
Mordecai about I wondered to myself at the time I thought somehow there was a
something«
»Mordecai will perhaps explain to you how it was that I was seeking him«
said Deronda feeling that he had better go and rising as he spoke
It was agreed that he should come again and the final move be made on the
next day but one but when he was going Mordecai begged to walk with him to the
end of the street and wrapped himself in coat and comforter It was a March
evening and Deronda did not mean to let him go far but he understood the wish
to be outside the house with him in communicative silence after the exciting
speech that had been filling the last hour No word was spoken until Deronda had
proposed parting when he said
»Mirah would wish to thank the Cohens for their goodness You would wish her
to do so to come and see them would you not«
Mordecai did not answer immediately but at length said
»I cannot tell I fear not There is a family sorrow and the sight of my
sister might be to them as the fresh bleeding of wounds There is a daughter and
sister who will never be restored as Mirah is But who knows the pathways We
are all of us denying or fulfilling prayers and men in their careless deeds
walk amidst invisible outstretched arms and pleadings made in vain In my ears I
have the prayers of generations past and to come My life is as nothing to me
but the beginning of fulfilment And yet I am only another prayer which you
will fulfil«
Deronda pressed his hand and they parted
Chapter XLVII
»And you must love him ere to you
He will seem worthy of your love«
Wordsworth
One might be tempted to envy Deronda providing new clothes for Mordecai and
pleasing himself as if he were sketching a picture in imagining the effect of
the fine grey flannel shirts and a dressinggown very much like a Franciscans
brown frock with Mordecais head and neck above them Half his pleasure was the
sense of seeing Mirahs brother through her eyes and securing her fervid joy
from any perturbing impression And yet after he had made all things ready he
was visited with a doubt whether he were not mistaking her and putting the
lower effect for the higher was she not just as capable as he himself had been
of feeling the impressive distinction in her brother all the more for that
aspect of poverty which was among the memorials of his past But there were the
Meyricks to be propitiated towards this too Judaic brother and Deronda detected
himself piqued into getting out of sight everything that might feed the ready
repugnance in minds unblessed with that »precious seeing« that bathing of all
objects in a solemnity as of sunsetglow which is begotten of a loving
reverential emotion
And his inclination would have been the more confirmed if he had heard the
dialogue round Mrs Meyricks fire late in the evening after Mirah had gone to
her room Hans settled now in his Chelsea rooms had stayed late and Mrs
Meyrick poking the fire into a blaze said
»Now Kate put out your candle and all come round the fire cosily Hans
dear do leave off laughing at those poems for the ninetyninth time and come
too I have something wonderful to tell you«
»As if I didnt know that ma I have seen it in the corner of your eye ever
so long and in your pretence of errands« said Kate while the girls came to
put their feet on the fender and Hans pushing his chair near them sat astride
it resting his fists and chin on the back
»Well then if you are so wise perhaps you know that Mirahs brother is
found« said Mrs Meyrick in her clearest accents
»Oh confound it« said Hans in the same moment
»Hans that is wicked« said Mab »Suppose we had lost you«
»I can not help being rather sorry« said Kate »And her mother where is
she«
»Her mother is dead«
»I hope the brother is not a bad man« said Amy
»Nor a fellow all smiles and jewellery a Crystal Palace Assyrian with a
hat on« said Hans in the worst humour
»Were there ever such unfeeling children« said Mrs Meyrick a little
strengthened by the need for opposition »You dont think the least bit of
Mirahs joy in the matter«
»You know ma Mirah hardly remembers her brother« said Kate
»People who are lost for twelve years should never come back again« said
Hans »They are always in the way«
»Hans« said Mrs Meyrick reproachfully »If you had lost me for twenty
years I should have thought «
»I said twelve years« Hans broke in »Anywhere about twelve years is the
time at which lost relations should keep out of the way«
»Well but its nice finding people there is something to tell« said Mab
clasping her knees »Did Prince Camaralzaman find him«
Then Mrs Meyrick in her neat narrative way told all she knew without
interruption »Mr Deronda has the highest admiration for him« she ended
»seems quite to look up to him And he says Mirah is just the sister to
understand this brother«
»Deronda is getting perfectly preposterous about those Jews« said Hans with
disgust rising and setting his chair away with a bang »He wants to do
everything he can to encourage Mirah in her prejudices«
»Oh for shame Hans to speak in that way of Mr Deronda« said Mab And
Mrs Meyricks face showed something like an undercurrent of expression not
allowed to get to the surface
»And now we shall never be all together« Hans went on walking about with
his hands thrust into the pockets of his brown velveteen coat »but we must have
this prophet Elijah to tea with us and Mirah will think of nothing but sitting
on the ruins of Jerusalem She will be spoiled as an artist mind that she
will get as narrow as a nun Everything will be spoiled our home and
everything I shall take to drinking«
»Oh really Hans« said Kate impatiently »I do think men are the most
contemptible animals in all creation Every one of them must have everything to
his mind else he is unbearable«
»Oh oh oh its very dreadful« cried Mab »I feel as if ancient Nineveh
were come again«
»I should like to know what is the good of having gone to the university and
knowing everything if you are so childish Hans« said Amy »You ought to put
up with a man that Providence sends you to be kind to We shall have to put up
with him«
»I hope you will all of you like the new Lamentations of Jeremiah to be
continued in our next thats all« said Hans seizing his wideawake »Its no
use being one thing more than another if one has to endure the company of those
men with a fixed idea staring blankly at you and requiring all your remarks
to be small footnotes to their text If youre to be under a petrifying well
youd better be an old boot I dont feel myself an old boot« Then abruptly
»Goodnight little mother« bending to kiss her brow in a hasty desperate
manner and condescendingly on his way to the door »Goodnight girls«
»Suppose Mirah knew how you are behaving« said Kate But her answer was a
slam of the door »I should like to see Mirah when Mr Deronda tells her« she
went on to her mother »I know she will look so beautiful«
But Deronda on second thoughts had written a letter which Mrs Meyrick
received the next morning begging her to make the revelation instead of waiting
for him not giving the real reason that he shrank from going again through a
narrative in which he seemed to be making himself important and giving himself
a character of general beneficence but saying that he wished to remain with
Mordecai while Mrs Meyrick would bring Mirah on what was to be understood as a
visit so that there might be a little interval before that change of abode
which he expected that Mirah herself would propose
Deronda secretly felt some wondering anxiety how far Mordecai after years
of solitary preoccupation with ideas likely to have become the more exclusive
from continual diminution of bodily strength would allow him to feel a tender
interest in his sister over and above the rendering of pious duties His feeling
for the Cohens and especially for little Jacob showed a persistent activity of
affection but those objects had entered into his daily life for years and
Deronda felt it noticeable that Mordecai asked no new questions about Mirah
maintaining indeed an unusual silence on all subjects and appearing simply to
submit to the changes that were coming over his personal life He donned his new
clothes obediently but said afterwards to Deronda with a faint smile »I must
keep my old garments by me for a remembrance« And when they were seated
awaiting Mirah he uttered no word keeping his eyelids closed but yet showing
restless feeling in his face and hands In fact Mordecai was undergoing that
peculiar nervous perturbation only known to those whose minds long and
habitually moving with strong impetus in one current are suddenly compelled
into a new or reopened channel Susceptible people whose strength has been long
absorbed by a dominant bias dread an interview that imperiously revives the
past as they would dread a threatening illness Joy may be there but joy too
is terrible
Deronda felt the infection of excitement and when he heard the ring at the
door he went out not knowing exactly why that he might see and greet Mirah
beforehand He was startled to find that she had on the hat and cloak in which
he had first seen her the memorable cloak that had once been wetted for a
windingsheet She had come downstairs equipped in this way and when Mrs
Meyrick said in a tone of question »You like to go in that dress dear« she
answered »My brother is poor and I want to look as much like him as I can
else he may feel distant from me« imagining that she should meet him in the
workmans dress Deronda could not make any remark but felt secretly rather
ashamed of his own fastidious arrangements They shook hands silently for Mirah
looked pale and awed
When Deronda opened the door for her Mordecai had risen and had his eyes
turned towards it with an eager gaze Mirah took only two or three steps and
then stood still They looked at each other motionless It was less their own
presence that they felt than anothers they were meeting first in memories
compared with which touch was no union Mirah was the first to break the
silence standing where she was
»Ezra« she said in exactly the same tone as when she was telling of her
mothers call to him
Mordecai with a sudden movement advanced and laid his hands on her
shoulders He was the head taller and looked down at her tenderly while he
said »That was our mothers voice You remember her calling me«
»Yes and how you answered her Mother and I knew you loved her« Mirah
threw her arms round her brothers neck clasped her little hands behind it and
drew down his face kissing it with childlike lavishness Her hat fell backward
on the ground and disclosed all her curls
»Ah the dear head the dear head« said Mordecai in a low loving tone
laying his thin hand gently on the curls
»You are very ill Ezra« said Mirah sadly looking at him with more
observation
»Yes dear child I shall not be long with you in the body« was the quiet
answer
»Oh I will love you and we will talk to each other« said Mirah with a
sweet outpouring of her words as spontaneous as birdnotes »I will tell you
everything and you will teach me you will teach me to be a good Jewess
what she would have liked me to be I shall always be with you when I am not
working For I work now I shall get money to keep us Oh I have had such good
friends«
Mirah until now had quite forgotten that any one was by but here she turned
with the prettiest attitude keeping one hand on her brothers arm while she
looked at Mrs Meyrick and Deronda The little mothers happy emotion in
witnessing this meeting of brother and sister had already won her to Mordecai
who seemed to her really to have more dignity and refinement than she had felt
obliged to believe in from Derondas account
»See this dear lady« said Mirah »I was a stranger a poor wanderer and
she believed in me and has treated me as a daughter Please give my brother
your hand« she added beseechingly taking Mrs Meyricks hand and putting it
in Mordecais then pressing them both with her own and lifting them to her
lips
»The Eternal Goodness has been with you« said Mordecai »You have helped to
fulfil our mothers prayer«
»I think we will go now shall we and return later« said Deronda laying
a gentle pressure on Mrs Meyricks arm and she immediately complied He was
afraid of any reference to the facts about himself which he had kept back from
Mordecai and he felt no uneasiness now in the thought of the brother and sister
being alone together
Chapter XLVIII
Tis a hard and illpaid task to order all things beforehand by the
rule of our own security as is well hinted by Machiavelli
concerning Cæsar Borgia who saith he had thought of all that
might occur on his fathers death and had provided against every
evil chance save only one it had never come into his mind that when
his father died his own death would quickly follow
Grandcourts importance as a subject of this realm was of the grandly passive
kind which consists in the inheritance of land Political and social movements
touched him only through the wire of his rental and his most careful biographer
need not have read up on SchleswigHolstein the policy of Bismarck
tradeunions household suffrage or even the last commercial panic He glanced
over the best newspaper columns on these topics and his views on them can
hardly be said to have wanted breadth since he embraced all Germans all
commercial men and all voters liable to use the wrong kind of soap under the
general epithet of »brutes« but he took no action on these much agitated
questions beyond looking from under his eyelids at any man who mentioned them
and retaining a silence which served to shake the opinions of timid thinkers
But Grandcourt within his own sphere of interest showed some of the
qualities which have entered into triumphal diplomacy of the widest continental
sort
No movement of Gwendolen in relation to Deronda escaped him He would have
denied that he was jealous because jealousy would have implied some doubt of
his own power to hinder what he had determined against That his wife should
have more inclination to another mans society than to his own would not pain
him what he required was that she should be as fully aware as she would have
been of a locked handcuff that her inclination was helpless to decide anything
in contradiction with his resolve However much of vacillating whim there might
have been in his entrance on matrimony there was no vacillating in his
interpretation of the bond He had not repented of his marriage it had really
brought more of aim into his life new objects to exert his will upon and he
had not repented of his choice His taste was fastidious and Gwendolen
satisfied it he would not have liked a wife who had not received some elevation
of rank from him nor one who did not command admiration by her mien and beauty
nor one whose nails were not of the right shape nor one the lobe of whose ear
was at all too large and red nor one who even if her nails and ears were
right was at the same time a ninny unable to make spirited answers These
requirements may not seem too exacting to refined contemporaries whose own
ability to fall in love has been held in suspense for lack of indispensable
details but fewer perhaps may follow him in his contentment that his wife
should be in a temper which would dispose her to fly out if she dared and that
she should have been urged into marrying him by other feelings than passionate
attachment Still for those who prefer command to love one does not see why
the habit of mind should change precisely at the point of matrimony
Grandcourt did not feel that he had chosen the wrong wife and having taken
on himself the part of husband he was not going in any way to be fooled or
allow himself to be seen in a light that could be regarded as pitiable This was
his state of mind not jealousy still his behaviour in some respects was as
like jealousy as yellow is to yellow which colour we know may be the effect of
very different causes
He had come up to town earlier than usual because he wished to be on the
spot for legal consultation as to the arrangements of his will the transference
of mortgages and that transaction with his uncle about the succession to
Diplow which the bait of ready money adroitly dangled without importunity had
finally won him to agree upon But another acceptable accompaniment of his being
in town was the presentation of himself with the beautiful bride whom he had
chosen to marry in spite of what other people might have expected of him It is
true that Grandcourt went about with the sense that he did not care a languid
curse for any ones admiration but this state of notcaring just as much as
desire required its related object namely a world of admiring or envying
spectators for if you are fond of looking stonily at smiling persons the
persons must be there and they must smile a rudimentary truth which is surely
forgotten by those who complain of mankind as generally contemptible since any
other aspect of the race must disappoint the voracity of their contempt
Grandcourt in town for the first time with his wife had his noncaring
abstinence from curses enlarged and diversified by splendid receptions by
conspicuous rides and drives by presentations of himself with her on all
distinguished occasions He wished her to be sought after he liked that
»fellows« should be eager to talk with her and escort her within his
observation there was even a kind of lofty coquetry on her part that he would
not have objected to But what he did not like were her ways in relation to
Deronda
After the musical party at Lady Mallingers when Grandcourt had observed
the dialogue on the settee as keenly as Hans had done it was characteristic of
him that he named Deronda for invitation along with the Mallingers tenaciously
avoiding the possible suggestion to anybody concerned that Derondas presence or
absence could be of the least importance to him and he made no direct
observation to Gwendolen on her behaviour that evening lest the expression of
his disgust should be a little too strong to satisfy his own pride But a few
days afterwards he remarked without being careful of the à propos
»Nothing makes a woman more of a gawky than looking out after people and
showing tempers in public A woman ought to have fine manners Else its
intolerable to appear with her«
Gwendolen made the expected application and was not without alarm at the
notion of being a gawky For she too with her melancholy distaste for things
preferred that her distaste should include admirers But the sense of
overhanging rebuke only intensified the strain of expectation towards any
meeting with Deronda The novelty and excitement of her town life was like the
hurry and constant change of foreign travel whatever might be the inward
despondency there was a programme to be fulfilled not without gratification to
manysided self But as always happens with a deep interest the comparatively
rare occasions on which she could exchange any words with Deronda had a
diffusive effect in her consciousness magnifying their communication with each
other and therefore enlarging the place she imagined it to have in his mind
How could Deronda help this He certainly did not avoid her rather he wished to
convince her by every delicate indirect means that her confidence in him had not
been indiscreet since it had not lowered his respect Moreover he liked being
near her how could it be otherwise She was something more than a problem she
was a lovely woman for the turn of whose mind and fate he had a care which
however futile it might be kept soliciting him as a responsibility perhaps all
the more that when he dared to think of his own future he saw it lying far
away from this splendid sadhearted creature who because he had once been
impelled to arrest her attention momentarily as he might have seized her arm
with warning to hinder her from stepping where there was danger had turned to
him with a beseeching persistent need
One instance in which Grandcourt stimulated a feeling in Gwendolen that he
would have liked to suppress without seeming to care about it had relation to
Mirah Gwendolens inclination lingered over the project of the singing lessons
as a sort of obedience to Derondas advice but day followed day with that want
of perceived leisure which belongs to lives where there is no work to mark off
intervals and the continual liability to Grandcourts presence and surveillance
seemed to flatten every effort to the level of the boredom which his manner
expressed his negative mind was as diffusive as fog clinging to all objects
and spoiling all contact
But one morning when they were breakfasting Gwendolen in a recurrent fit
of determination to exercise her old spirit said dallying prettily over her
prawns without eating them
»I think of making myself accomplished while we are in town and having
singing lessons«
»Why« said Grandcourt languidly
»Why« echoed Gwendolen playing at sauciness »because I cant eat pâté de
foie gras to make me sleepy and I cant smoke and I cant go to the club to
make me like to come away again I want a variety of ennui What would be the
most convenient time when you are busy with your lawyers and people for me to
have lesson from that little Jewess whose singing is getting all the rage«
»Whenever you like« said Grandcourt pushing away his plate and leaning
back in his chair while he looked at her with his most lizardlike expression
and played with the ears of the tiny spaniel on his lap Gwendolen had taken a
dislike to the dogs because they fawned on him
Then he said languidly »I dont see why a lady should sing Amateurs make
fools of themselves A lady cant risk herself in that way in company And one
doesnt want to hear squalling in private«
»I like frankness that seems to me a husbands great charm« said
Gwendolen with her little upward movement of her chin as she turned her eyes
away from his and lifting a prawn before her looked at the boiled
ingenuousness of its eyes as preferable to the lizards »But« she added
having devoured her mortification »I suppose you dont object to Miss
Lapidoths singing at our party on the 4th I thought of engaging her Lady
Brackenshaw had her you know and the Raymonds who are very particular about
their music And Mr Deronda who is a musician himself and a firstrate judge
says that there is no singing in such good taste as hers for a drawingroom I
think his opinion is an authority«
She meant to sling a small stone at her husband in that way
»Its very indecent of Deronda to go about praising that girl« said
Grandcourt in a tone of indifference
»Indecent« exclaimed Gwendolen reddening and looking at him again
overcome by startled wonder and unable to reflect on the probable falsity of
the phrase »to go about praising«
»Yes and especially when she is patronised by Lady Mallinger He ought to
hold his tongue about her Men can see what is his relation to her«
»Men who judge of others by themselves« said Gwendolen turning white after
her redness and immediately smitten with a dread of her own words
»Of course And a woman should take their judgment else she is likely to
run her head into the wrong place« said Grandcourt conscious of using pincers
on that white creature »I suppose you take Deronda for a saint«
»Oh dear no« said Gwendolen summoning desperately her almost miraculous
power of selfcontrol and speaking in a high hard tone »Only a little less of
a monster«
She rose pushed her chair away without hurry and walked out of the room
with something like the care of a man who is afraid of showing that he has taken
more wine than usual She turned the keys inside her dressingroom doors and
sat down for some time looking as pale and quiet as when she was leaving the
breakfastroom Even in the moments after reading the poisonous letter she had
hardly had more cruel sensations than now for emotion was at the acute point
where it is not distinguishable from sensation Deronda unlike what she had
believed him to be was an image which affected her as a hideous apparition
would have done quite apart from the way in which it was produced It had taken
hold of her as pain before she could consider whether it were fiction or truth
and further to hinder her power of resistance came the sudden perception how
very slight were the grounds of her faith in Deronda how little she knew of
his life how childish she had been in her confidence His rebukes and his
severity to her began to seem odious along with all the poetry and lofty
doctrine in the world whatever it might be and the grave beauty of his face
seemed the most unpleasant mask that the common habits of men could put on
All this went on in her with the rapidity of a sick dream and her start
into resistance was very much like a waking Suddenly from out the grey sombre
morning there came a stream of sunshine wrapping her in warmth and light where
she sat in stony stillness She moved gently and looked round her there was a
world outside this bad dream and the dream proved nothing she rose stretching
her arms upward and clasping her hands with her habitual attitude when she was
seeking relief from oppressive feeling and walked about the room in this flood
of sunbeams
»It is not true What does it matter whether he believes it or not« This
was what she repeated to herself but this was not her faith come back again
it was only the desperate cry of faith finding suffocation intolerable And how
could she go on through the day in this state With one of her impetuous
alternations her imagination flew to wild actions by which she would convince
herself of what she wished she would go to Lady Mallinger and question her
about Mirah she would write to Deronda and upbraid him with making the world
all false and wicked and hopeless to her to him she dared pour out all the
bitter indignation of her heart No she would go to Mirah This last form taken
by her need was more definitely practicable and quickly became imperious No
matter what came of it She had the pretext of asking Mirah to sing at her party
on the 4th What was she going to say besides How satisfy herself She did not
foresee she could not wait to foresee If that idea which was maddening her
had been a living thing she would have wanted to throttle it without waiting to
foresee what would come of the act She rang her bell and asked if Mr
Grandcourt were gone out finding that he was she ordered the carriage and
began to dress for the drive then she went down and walked about the large
drawingroom like an imprisoned dumb creature not recognising herself in the
glass panels not noting any object around her in the painted gilded prison Her
husband would probably find out where she had been and punish her in some way
or other no matter she could neither desire nor fear anything just now but
the assurance that she had not been deluding herself in her trust
She was provided with Mirahs address Soon she was on the way with all the
fine equipage necessary to carry about her poor uneasy heart depending in its
palpitations on some answer or other to questioning which she did not know how
she should put She was as heedless of what happened before she found that Miss
Lapidoth was at home as one is of lobbies and passages on the way to a court of
justice heedless of everything till she was in a room where there were
foldingdoors and she heard Derondas voice behind it Doubtless the
identification was helped by forecast but she was as certain of it as if she
had seen him She was frightened at her own agitation and began to unbutton her
gloves that she might button them again and bite her lips over the pretended
difficulty while the door opened and Mirah presented herself with perfect
quietude and a sweet smile of recognition There was relief in the sight of her
face and Gwendolen was able to smile in return while she put out her hand in
silence and as she seated herself all the while hearing the voice she felt
some reflux of energy in the confused sense that the truth could not be anything
that she dreaded Mirah drew her chair very near as if she felt that the sound
of the conversation should be subdued and looked at her visitor with placid
expectation while Gwendolen began in a low tone with something that seemed
like bashfulness
»Perhaps you wonder to see me perhaps I ought to have written but I
wished to make a particular request«
»I am glad to see you instead of having a letter« said Mirah wondering at
the changed expression and manner of the »Vandyke duchess« as Hans had taught
her to call Gwendolen The rich colour and the calmness of her own face were in
strong contrast with the pale agitated beauty under the plumed hat
»I thought« Gwendolen went on »at least I hoped you would not object to
sing at our house on the 4th in the evening at a party like Lady
Brackenshaws I should be so much obliged«
»I shall be very happy to sing for you At ten« said Mirah while Gwendolen
seemed to get more instead of less embarrassed
»At ten please« she answered then paused and felt that she had nothing
more to say She could not go It was impossible to rise and say goodbye
Derondas voice was in her ears She must say it she could contrive no other
sentence
»Mr Deronda is in the next room«
»Yes« said Mirah in her former tone »He is reading Hebrew with my
brother«
»You have a brother« said Gwendolen who had heard this from Lady
Mallinger but had not minded it then
»Yes a dear brother who is ill consumptive and Mr Deronda is the best
of friends to him as he has been to me« said Mirah with the impulse that will
not let us pass the mention of a precious person indifferently
»Tell me« said Gwendolen putting her hand on Mirahs and speaking hardly
above a whisper »tell me tell me the truth You are sure he is quite good
You know no evil of him Any evil that people say of him is false«
Could the proudspirited woman have behaved more like a child But the
strange words penetrated Mirah with nothing but a sense of solemnity and
indignation With a sudden light in her eyes and a tremor in her voice she said
»Who are the people that say evil of him I would not believe any evil of
him if an angel came to tell it me He found me when I was so miserable I was
going to drown myself I looked so poor and forsaken you would have thought I
was a beggar by the wayside And he treated me as if I had been a kings
daughter He took me to the best of women He found my brother for me And he
honours my brother though he too was poor oh almost as poor as he could be
And my brother honours him That is no light thing to say« here Mirahs tone
changed to one of proud emphasis and she shook her head backward »for my
brother is very learned and greatminded And Mr Deronda says there are few men
equal to him« Some Jewish defiance had flamed into her indignant gratitude and
her anger could not help including Gwendolen since she seemed to have doubted
Derondas goodness
But Gwendolen was like one parched with thirst drinking the fresh water
that spreads through the frame as a sufficient bliss She did not notice that
Mirah was angry with her she was not distinctly conscious of anything but of
the penetrating sense that Deronda and his life were no more like her husbands
conception than the morning in the horizon was like the morning mixed with
street gas even Mirahs words seemed to melt into the indefiniteness of her
relief She could hardly have repeated them or said how her whole state of
feeling was changed She pressed Mirahs hand and said »Thank you thank you«
in a hurried whisper then rose and added with only a hazy consciousness »I
must go I shall see you on the 4th I am so much obliged« bowing herself
out automatically while Mirah opening the door for her wondered at what
seemed a sudden retreat into chill loftiness
Gwendolen indeed had no feeling to spare in any effusiveness towards the
creature who had brought her relief The passionate need of contradiction to
Grandcourts estimate of Deronda a need which had blunted her sensibility to
everything else was no sooner satisfied than she wanted to be gone she began
to be aware that she was out of place and to dread Derondas seeing her And
once in the carriage again she had the vision of what awaited her at home When
she drew up before the door in Grosvenor Square her husband was arriving with a
cigar between his fingers He threw it away and handed her out accompanying her
upstairs She turned into the drawingroom lest he should follow her farther
and give her no place to retreat to then sat down with a weary air taking off
her gloves rubbing her hand over her forehead and making his presence as much
of a cipher as possible But he sat too and not far from her just in front
where to avoid looking at him must have the emphasis of effort
»May I ask where you have been at this extraordinary hour« said Grandcourt
»Oh yes I have been to Miss Lapidoths to ask her to come and sing for us«
said Gwendolen laying her gloves on the little table beside her and looking
down at them
»And to ask her about her relations with Deronda« said Grandcourt with the
coldest possible sneer in his low voice which in poor Gwendolens ear was
diabolical
For the first time since their marriage she flashed out upon him without
inward check Turning her eyes full on his she said in a biting tone
»Yes and what you said is false a low wicked falsehood«
»She told you so did she« returned Grandcourt with a more thoroughly
distilled sneer
Gwendolen was mute The daring anger within her was turned into the rage of
dumbness What reasons for her belief could she give All the reasons that
seemed so strong and living within her she saw them suffocated and shrivelled
up under her husbands breath There was no proof to give but her own
impression which would seem to him her own folly She turned her head quickly
away from him and looked angrily towards the end of the room she would have
risen but he was in her way
Grandcourt saw his advantage »Its of no consequence so far as her singing
goes« he said in his superficial drawl »You can have her to sing if you
like« Then after a pause he added in his lowest imperious tone »But you will
please to observe that you are not to go near that house again As my wife you
must take my word about what is proper for you When you undertook to be Mrs
Grandcourt you undertook not to make a fool of yourself You have been making a
fool of yourself this morning and if you were to go on as you have begun you
might soon get yourself talked of at the clubs in a way you would not like What
do you know about the world You have married me and must be guided by my
opinion«
Every slow sentence of that speech had a terrific mastery in it for
Gwendolens nature If the low tones had come from a physician telling her that
her symptoms were those of a fatal disease and prognosticating its course she
could not have been more helpless against the argument that lay in it But she
was permitted to move now and her husband never again made any reference to
what had occurred this morning He knew the force of his own words If this
whitehanded man with the perpendicular profile had been sent to govern a
difficult colony he might have won reputation among his contemporaries He had
certainly ability would have understood that it was safer to exterminate than
to cajole superseded proprietors and would not have flinched from making things
safe in that way
Gwendolen did not for all this part with her recovered faith rather
she kept it with a more anxious tenacity as a Protestant of old kept his Bible
hidden or a Catholic his crucifix according to the side favoured by the civil
arm and it was characteristic of her that apart from the impression gained
concerning Deronda in that visit her imagination was little occupied with Mirah
or the eulogised brother The one result established for her was that Deronda
had acted simply as a generous benefactor and the phrase »reading Hebrew« had
fleeted unimpressively across her sense of hearing as a stray stork might have
made its peculiar flight across her landscape without rousing any surprised
reflection on its natural history
But the issue of that visit as it regarded her husband took a strongly
active part in the process which made an habitual conflict within her and was
the cause of some external change perhaps not observed by any one except
Deronda As the weeks went on bringing occasional transient interviews with her
he thought that he perceived in her an intensifying of her superficial hardness
and resolute display which made her abrupt betrayals of agitation the more
marked and disturbing to him
In fact she was undergoing a sort of discipline for the refractory which
as little as possible like conversion bends half the self with a terrible
strain and exasperates the unwillingness of the other half Grandcourt had an
active divination rather than discernment of refractoriness in her and what had
happened about Mirah quickened his suspicion that there was an increase of it
dependent on the occasions when she happened to see Deronda there was some
»confounded nonsense« between them he did not imagine it exactly as flirtation
and his imagination in other branches was rather restricted but it was nonsense
that evidently kept up a kind of simmering in her mind an inward action which
might become disagreeably outward Husbands in the old time are known to have
suffered from a threatening devoutness in their wives presenting itself first
indistinctly as oddity and ending in that mild form of lunatic asylum a
nunnery Grandcourt had a vague perception of threatening moods in Gwendolen
which the unity between them in his views of marriage required him peremptorily
to check Among the means he chose one was peculiar and was less ably
calculated than the speeches we have just heard
He determined that she should know the main purport of the will he was
making but he could not communicate this himself because it involved the fact
of his relation to Mrs Glasher and her children and that there should be any
overt recognition of this between Gwendolen and himself was supremely repugnant
to him Like all proud closelywrapped natures he shrank from explicitness and
detail even on trivialities if they were personal a valet must maintain a
strict reserve with him on the subject of shoes and stockings And clashing was
intolerable to him his habitual want was to put collision out of the question
by the quiet massive pressure of his rule But he wished Gwendolen to know that
before he made her an offer it was no secret to him that she was aware of his
relations with Lydia her previous knowledge being the apology for bringing the
subject before her now Some men in his place might have thought of writing what
he wanted her to know in the form of a letter But Grandcourt hated writing
even writing a note was a bore to him and he had long been accustomed to have
all his writing done by Lush We know that there are persons who will forego
their own obvious interest rather than do anything so disagreeable as to write
letters and it is not probable that these imperfect utilitarians would rush
into manuscript and syntax on a difficult subject in order to save anothers
feelings To Grandcourt it did not even occur that he should would or could
write to Gwendolen the information in question and the only medium of
communication he could use was Lush who to his mind was as much of an
implement as pen and paper But here too Grandcourt had his reserves and would
not have uttered a word likely to encourage Lush in an impudent sympathy with
any supposed grievance in a marriage which had been discommended by him Who
that has a confidant escapes believing too little in his penetration and too
much in his discretion Grandcourt had always allowed Lush to know his external
affairs indiscriminately irregularities debts want of ready money he had
only used discrimination about what he would allow his confidant to say to him
and he had been so accustomed to this human tool that the having him at call in
London was a recovery of lost ease It followed that Lush knew all the
provisions of the will more exactly than they were known to the testator
himself
Grandcourt did not doubt that Gwendolen since she was a woman who could put
two and two together knew or suspected Lush to be the contriver of her
interview with Lydia and that this was the reason why her first request was for
his banishment But the bent of a womans inferences on mixed subjects which
excite mixed passions is not determined by her capacity for simple addition and
here Grandcourt lacked the only organ of thinking that could have saved him from
mistake namely some experience of the mixed passions concerned He had
correctly divined one half of Gwendolens dread all that related to her
personal pride and her perception that his will must conquer hers but the
remorseful half even if he had known of her broken promise was as much out of
his imagination as the other side of the moon What he believed her to feel
about Lydia was solely a tonguetied jealousy and what he believed Lydia to
have written with the jewels was the fact that she had once been used to wearing
them with other amenities such as he imputed to the intercourse of jealous
women He had the triumphant certainty that he could aggravate the jealousy and
yet smite it with a more absolute dumbness His object was to engage all his
wifes egoism on the same side as his own and in his employment of Lush he did
not intend an insult to her she ought to understand that he was the only
possible envoy Grandcourts view of things was considerably fenced in by his
general sense that what suited him others must put up with There is no
escaping the fact that want of sympathy condemns us to a corresponding
stupidity Mephistopheles thrown upon real life and obliged to manage his own
plots would inevitably make blunders
One morning he went to Gwendolen in the boudoir beyond the back
drawingroom hat and gloves in hand and said with his besttempered most
persuasive drawl standing before her and looking down on her as she sat with a
book on her lap
»A Gwendolen theres some business about property to be explained I have
told Lush to come and explain it to you He knows all about these things I am
going out He can come up now Hes the only person who can explain I suppose
youll not mind«
»You know that I do mind« said Gwendolen angrily starting up »I shall
not see him« She showed the intention to dart away to the door Grandcourt was
before her with his back towards it He was prepared for her anger and showed
none in return saying with the same sort of remonstrant tone that he might
have used about an objection to dining out
»Its no use making a fuss There are plenty of brutes in the world that one
has to talk to People with any savoir vivre dont make a fuss about such
things Some business must be done You dont expect agreeable people to do it
If I employ Lush the proper thing for you is to take it as a matter of course
Not to make a fuss about it Not to toss your head and bite your lips about
people of that sort«
The drawling and the pauses with which this speech was uttered gave time for
crowding reflections in Gwendolen quelling her resistance What was there to be
told her about property This word had certain dominant associations for her
first with her mother then with Mrs Glasher and her children What would be
the use if she refused to see Lush Could she ask Grandcourt to tell her
himself That might be intolerable even if he consented which it was certain
he would not if he had made up his mind to the contrary The humiliation of
standing an obvious prisoner with her husband barring the door was not to be
borne any longer and she turned away to lean against a cabinet while
Grandcourt again moved towards her
»I have arranged with Lush to come up now while I am out« he said after a
long organ stop during which Gwendolen made no sign »Shall I tell him he may
come«
Yet another pause before she could say »Yes« her face turned obliquely and
her eyes cast down
»I shall come back in time to ride if you like to get ready« said
Grandcourt No answer »She is in a desperate rage« thought he But the rage
was silent and therefore not disagreeable to him It followed that he turned
her chin and kissed her while she still kept her eyelids down and she did not
move them until he was on the other side of the door
What was she to do Search where she would in her consciousness she found
no plea to justify a plaint Any romantic illusions she had had in marrying this
man had turned on her power of using him as she liked He was using her as he
liked
She sat awaiting the announcement of Lush as a sort of searing operation
that she had to go through The facts that galled her gathered a burning power
when she thought of their lying in his mind It was all a part of that new
gambling in which the losing was not simply a minus but a terrible plus that
had never entered into her reckoning
Lush was neither quite pleased nor quite displeased with his task
Grandcourt had said to him by way of conclusion »Dont make yourself more
disagreeable than nature obliges you«
»That depends« thought Lush But he said »I will write a brief abstract
for Mrs Grandcourt to read« He did not suggest that he should make the whole
communication in writing which was a proof that the interview did not wholly
displease him
Some provision was being made for himself in the will and he had no reason
to be in a bad humour even if a bad humour had been common with him He was
perfectly convinced that he had penetrated all the secrets of the situation but
he had no diabolic delight in it He had only the small movements of gratified
selfloving resentment in discerning that this marriage fulfilled his own
foresight in not being as satisfactory as the supercilious young lady had
expected it to be and as Grandcourt wished to feign that it was He had no
persistent spite much stronger than what gives the seasoning of ordinary scandal
to those who repeat it and exaggerate it by their conjectures With no active
compassion or goodwill he had just as little active malevolence being chiefly
occupied in liking his particular pleasures and not disliking anything but what
hindered those pleasures everything else ranking with the last murder and the
last opera buffa under the head of things to talk about Nevertheless he was
not indifferent to the prospect of being treated uncivilly by a beautiful woman
or to the counterbalancing fact that his present commission put into his hands
an official power of humiliating her He did not mean to use it needlessly but
there are some persons so gifted in relation to us that their »How do you do«
seems charged with offence
By the time that Mr Lush was announced Gwendolen had braced herself to a
bitter resolve that he should not witness the slightest betrayal of her feeling
whatever he might have to tell She invited him to sit down with stately
quietude After all what was this man to her He was not in the least like her
husband Her power of hating a coarse familiarmannered man with clumsy hands
was now relaxed by the intensity with which she hated his contrast
He held a small paper folded in his hand while he spoke
»I need hardly say that I should not have presented myself if Mr Grandcourt
had not expressed a strong wish to that effect as no doubt he has mentioned to
you«
From some voices that speech might have sounded entirely reverential and
even timidly apologetic Lush had no intention to the contrary but to
Gwendolens ear his words had as much insolence in them as his prominent eyes
and the pronoun »you« was too familiar He ought to have addressed the
foldingscreen and spoken of her as Mrs Grandcourt She gave the smallest sign
of a bow and Lush went on with a little awkwardness getting entangled in what
is elegantly called tautology
»My having been in Mr Grandcourts confidence for fifteen years or more
since he was a youth in fact of course gives me a peculiar position He can
speak to me of affairs that he could not mention to any one else and in fact
he could not have employed any one else in this affair I have accepted the task
out of friendship for him Which is my apology for accepting the task if you
would have preferred some one else«
He paused but she made no sign and Lush to give himself a countenance in
an apology which met no acceptance opened the folded paper and looked at it
vaguely before he began to speak again
»This paper contains some information about Mr Grandcourts will an
abstract of a part he wished you to know if youll be good enough to cast your
eyes over it But there is something I had to say by way of introduction which
I hope youll pardon me for if its not quite agreeable« Lush found that he
was behaving better than he had expected and had no idea how insulting he made
himself with his »not quite agreeable«
»Say what you have to say without apologising please« said Gwendolen with
the air she might have bestowed on a dogstealer come to claim a reward for
finding the dog he had stolen
»I have only to remind you of something that occurred before your engagement
to Mr Grandcourt« said Lush not without the rise of some willing insolence in
exchange for her scorn »You met a lady in Cardell Chase if you remember who
spoke to you of her position with regard to Mr Grandcourt She had children
with her one a very fine boy«
Gwendolens lips were almost as pale as her cheeks her passion had no
weapons words were no better than chips This mans speech was like a sharp
knifeedge drawn across her skin but even her indignation at the employment of
Lush was getting merged in a crowd of other feelings dim and alarming as a
crowd of ghosts
»Mr Grandcourt was aware that you were acquainted with this unfortunate
affair beforehand and he thinks it only right that his position and intentions
should be made quite clear to you It is an affair of property and prospects
and if there were any objection you had to make if you would mention it to me
it is a subject which of course he would rather not speak about himself if you
will be good enough just to read this« With the last words Lush rose and
presented the paper to her
When Gwendolen resolved that she would betray no feeling in the presence of
this man she had not prepared herself to hear that her husband knew the silent
consciousness the silently accepted terms on which she had married him She
dared not raise her hand to take the paper lest it should visibly tremble For
a moment Lush stood holding it towards her and she felt his gaze on her as
ignominy before she could say even with lowtoned haughtiness
»Lay it on the table And go into the next room please«
Lush obeyed thinking as he took an easychair in the back drawingroom »My
lady winces considerably She didnt know what would be the charge for that
superfine article Henleigh Grandcourt« But it seemed to him that a penniless
girl had done better than she had any right to expect and that she had been
uncommonly knowing for her years and opportunities her words to Lydia meant
nothing and her running away had probably been part of her adroitness It had
turned out a masterstroke
Meanwhile Gwendolen was rallying her nerves to the reading of the paper She
must read it Her whole being pride longing for rebellion dreams of freedom
remorseful conscience dread of fresh visitation all made one need to know
what the paper contained But at first it was not easy to take in the meaning of
the words When she had succeeded she found that in the case of there being no
son as issue of her marriage Grandcourt had made the small Henleigh his heir
that was all she cared to extract from the paper with any distinctness The
other statements as to what provision would be made for her in the same case
she hurried over getting only a confused perception of thousands and Gadsmere
It was enough She could dismiss the man in the next room with the defiant
energy which had revived in her at the idea that this question of property and
inheritance was meant as a finish to her humiliations and her thraldom
She thrust the paper between the leaves of her book which she took in her
hand and walked with her stateliest air into the next room where Lush
immediately rose awaiting her approach When she was four yards from him it
was hardly an instant that she paused to say in a high tone while she swept him
with her eyelashes
»Tell Mr Grandcourt that his arrangements are just what I desired«
passing on without haste and leaving Lush time to mingle some admiration of her
graceful back with that halfamused sense of her spirit and impertinence which
he expressed by raising his eyebrows and just thrusting his tongue between his
teeth He really did not want her to be worse punished and he was glad to think
that it was time to go and lunch at the club where he meant to have a lobster
salad
What did Gwendolen look forward to When her husband returned he found her
equipped in her ridingdress ready to ride out with him She was not again
going to be hysterical or take to her bed and say she was ill That was the
implicit resolve adjusting her muscles before she could have framed it in words
as she walked out of the room leaving Lush behind her She was going to act in
the spirit of her message and not to give herself time to reflect She rang the
bell for her maid and went with the usual care through her change of toilet
Doubtless her husband had meant to produce a great effect on her byandby
perhaps she would let him see an effect the very opposite of what he intended
but at present all that she could show was a defiant satisfaction in what had
been presumed to be disagreeable It came as an instinct rather than a thought
that to show any sign which could be interpreted as jealousy when she had just
been insultingly reminded that the conditions were what she had accepted with
her eyes open would be the worst selfhumiliation She said to herself that she
had not time today to be clear about her future actions all she could be clear
about was that she would match her husband in ignoring any ground for
excitement She not only rode but went out with him to dine contributing
nothing to alter their mutual manner which was never that of rapid interchange
in discourse and curiously enough she rejected a handkerchief on which her maid
had by mistake put the wrong scent a scent that Grandcourt had once objected
to Gwendolen would not have liked to be an object of disgust to this husband
whom she hated she liked all disgust to be on her side
But to defer thought in this way was something like trying to talk down the
singing in her own ears The thought that is bound up with our passion is as
penetrative as air everything is porous to it bows smiles conversation
repartee are mere honeycombs where such thought rushes freely not always with
a taste of honey And without shutting herself up in any solitude Gwendolen
seemed at the end of nine or ten hours to have gone through a labyrinth of
reflection in which already the same succession of prospects had been repeated
the same fallacious outlets rejected the same shrinking from the necessities of
every course Already she was undergoing some hardening effect from feeling that
she was under eyes which saw her past actions solely in the light of her lowest
motives She lived back in the scenes of her courtship with the new bitter
consciousness of what had been in Grandcourts mind certain now with her
present experience of him that he had had a peculiar triumph in conquering her
dumb repugnance and that ever since their marriage he had had a cold exultation
in knowing her fancied secret Her imagination exaggerated every tyrannical
impulse he was capable of »I will insist on being separated from him« was her
first darting determination then »I will leave him whether he consents or
not If this boy becomes his heir I have made an atonement« But neither in
darkness nor in daylight could she imagine the scenes which must carry out those
determinations with the courage to feel them endurable How could she run away
to her own family carry distress among them and render herself an object of
scandal in the society she had left behind her What future lay before her as
Mrs Grandcourt gone back to her mother who would be made destitute again by
the rupture of the marriage for which one chief excuse had been that it had
brought that mother a maintenance She had lately been seeing her uncle and Anna
in London and though she had been saved from any difficulty about inviting them
to stay in Grosvenor Square by their wish to be with Rex who would not risk a
meeting with her the transient visit she had had from them helped now in giving
stronger colour to the picture of what it would be for her to take refuge in her
own family What could she say to justify her flight Her uncle would tell her
to go back Her mother would cry Her aunt and Anna would look at her with
wondering alarm Her husband would have power to compel her She had absolutely
nothing that she could allege against him in judicious or judicial ears And to
»insist on separation« That was an easy combination of words but considered as
an action to be executed against Grandcourt it would be about as practicable as
to give him a pliant disposition and a dread of other peoples unwillingness
How was she to begin What was she to say that would not be a condemnation of
herself »If I am to have misery anyhow« was the bitter refrain of her
rebellious dreams »I had better have the misery that I can keep to my self«
Moreover her capability of rectitude told her again and again that she had no
right to complain of her contract or to withdraw from it
And always among the images that drove her back to submission was Deronda
The idea of herself separated from her husband gave Deronda a changed
perturbing painful place in her consciousness instinctively she felt that the
separation would be from him too and in the prospective vision of herself as a
solitary dubiously regarded woman she felt some tingling bashfulness at the
remembrance of her behaviour towards him The association of Deronda with a
dubious position for herself was intolerable And what would he say if he knew
everything Probably that she ought to bear what she had brought on herself
unless she were sure that she could make herself a better woman by taking any
other course And what sort of woman was she to be solitary sickened of life
looked at with a suspicious kind of pity even if she could dream of success
in getting that dreary freedom Mrs Grandcourt »run away« would be a more
pitiable creature than Gwendolen Harleth condemned to teach the bishops
daughters and to be inspected by Mrs Mompert
One characteristic trait in her conduct is worth mentioning She would not
look a second time at the paper Lush had given her and before ringing for her
maid she locked it up in a travellingdesk which was at hand proudly resolved
against curiosity about what was allotted to herself in connection with Gadsmere
feeling herself branded in the minds of her husband and his confidant with the
meanness that would accept marriage and wealth on any conditions however
dishonourable and humiliating
Day after day the same pattern of thinking was repeated There came nothing
to change the situation no new elements in the sketch only a recurrence
which engraved it The May weeks went on into June and still Mrs Grandcourt
was outwardly in the same place presenting herself as she was expected to do in
the accustomed scenes with the accustomed grace beauty and costume from
church at one end of the week through all the scale of desirable receptions to
opera at the other Church was not markedly distinguished in her mind from the
other forms of selfpresentation for marriage had included no instruction that
enabled her to connect liturgy and sermon with any larger order of the world
than that of unexplained and perhaps inexplicable social fashions While a
laudable zeal was labouring to carry the light of spiritual law up the alleys
where law is chiefly known as the policeman the brilliant Mrs Grandcourt
condescending a little to a fashionable Rector and conscious of a feminine
advantage over a learned Dean was so far as pastoral care and religious
fellowship were concerned in as complete a solitude as a man in a lighthouse
Can we wonder at the practical submission which hid her constructive
rebellion The combination is common enough as we know from the number of
persons who make us aware of it in their own case by a clamorous unwearied
statement of the reasons against their submitting to a situation which on
inquiry we discover to be the least disagreeable within their reach Poor
Gwendolen had both too much and too little mental power and dignity to make
herself exceptional No wonder that Deronda now marked some hardening in a look
and manner which were schooled daily to the suppression of feeling
For example One morning riding in Rotten Row with Grandcourt by her side
she saw standing against the railing at the turn just facing them a darkeyed
lady with a little girl and a blond boy whom she at once recognised as the
beings in all the world the most painful for her to behold She and Grandcourt
had just slackened their pace to a walk he being on the outer side was the
nearer to the unwelcome vision and Gwendolen had not presence of mind to do
anything but glance away from the dark eyes that met hers piercingly towards
Grandcourt who wheeled past the group with an unmoved face giving no sign of
recognition
Immediately she felt a rising rage against him mingling with her shame for
herself and the words »You might at least have raised your hat to her« flew
impetuously to her lips but did not pass them If as her husband in her
company he chose to ignore these creatures whom she herself had excluded from
the place she was filling how could she be the person to reproach him She was
dumb
It was not chance but her own design that had brought Mrs Glasher there
with her boy She had come to town under the pretext of making purchases
really wanting educational apparatus for the children and had had interviews
with Lush in which he had not refused to soothe her uneasy mind by representing
the probabilities as all on the side of her ultimate triumph Let her keep
quiet and she might live to see the marriage dissolve itself in one way or
other Lush hinted at several ways leaving the succession assured to her boy
She had had an interview with Grandcourt too who had as usual told her to
behave like a reasonable woman and threatened punishment if she were
troublesome but had also as usual vindicated himself from any wish to be
stingy the money he was receiving from Sir Hugo on account of Diplow
encouraging his disposition to be lavish Lydia feeding on the probabilities in
her favour devoured her helpless wrath along with that pleasanter nourishment
but she could not let her discretion go entirely without the reward of making a
Medusaapparition before Gwendolen vindictiveness and jealousy finding relief
in an outlet of venom though it were as futile as that of a viper already flung
to the other side of the hedge Hence each day after finding out from Lush the
likely time for Gwendolen to be riding she had watched at that post daring
Grandcourt so far Why should she not take little Henleigh into the Park
The Medusaapparition was made effective beyond Lydias conception by the
shock it gave Gwendolen actually to see Grandcourt ignoring this woman who had
once been the nearest in the world to him along with the children she had borne
him And all the while the dark shadow thus cast on the lot of a woman destitute
of acknowledged social dignity spread itself over her visions of a future that
might be her own and made part of her dread on her own behalf She shrank all
the more from any lonely action What possible release could there be for her
from this hated vantageground which yet she dared not quit any more than if
fire had been raining outside it What release but death Not her own death
Gwendolen was not a woman who could easily think of her own death as a near
reality or front for herself the dark entrance on the untried and invisible It
seemed more possible that Grandcourt should die and yet not likely The power
of tyranny in him seemed a power of living in the presence of any wish that he
should die The thought that his death was the only possible deliverance for her
was one with the thought that deliverance would never come the double
deliverance from the injury with which other beings might reproach her and from
the yoke she had brought on her own neck No she foresaw him always living and
her own life dominated by him the »always« of her young experience not
stretching beyond the few immediate years that seemed immeasurably long with her
passionate weariness The thought of his dying would not subsist it turned as
with a dreamchange into the terror that she should die with his throttling
fingers on her neck avenging that thought Fantasies moved within her like
ghosts making no break in her more acknowledged consciousness and finding no
obstruction in it dark rays doing their work invisibly in the broad light
Only an evening or two after that encounter in the Park there was a grand
concert at Klesmers who was living rather magnificently now in one of the
large houses in Grosvenor Place a patron and prince among musical professors
Gwendolen had looked forward to this occasion as one on which she was sure to
meet Deronda and she had been meditating how to put a question to him which
without containing a word that she would feel a dislike to utter would yet be
explicit enough for him to understand it The struggle of opposite feelings
would not let her abide by her instinct that the very idea of Derondas relation
to her was a discouragement to any desperate step towards freedom The next wave
of emotion was a longing for some word of his to enforce a resolve The fact
that her opportunities of conversation with him had always to be snatched in the
doubtful privacy of large parties caused her to live through them many times
beforehand imagining how they would take place and what she would say The
irritation was proportionate when no opportunity came and this evening at
Klesmers she included Deronda in her anger because he looked as calm as
possible at a distance from her while she was in danger of betraying her
impatience to every one who spoke to her She found her only safety in a chill
haughtiness which made Mr Vandernoodt remark that Mrs Grandcourt was becoming
a perfect match for her husband When at last the chances of the evening brought
Deronda near her Sir Hugo and Mrs Raymond were close by and could hear every
word she said No matter her husband was not near and her irritation passed
without check into a fit of daring which restored the security of her
selfpossession Deronda was there at last and she would compel him to do what
she pleased Already and without effort rather queenly in her air as she stood
in her white lace and green leaves she threw a royal permissiveness into her
way of saying »I wish you would come and see me tomorrow between five and six
Mr Deronda«
There could be but one answer at that moment »Certainly« with a tone of
obedience
Afterwards it occurred to Deronda that he would write a note to excuse
himself He had always avoided making a call at Grandcourts But he could not
persuade himself to any step that might hurt her and whether his excuse were
taken for indifference or for the affectation of indifference it would be
equally wounding He kept his promise Gwendolen had declined to ride out on the
plea of not feeling well enough having left her refusal to the last moment when
the horses were soon to be at the door not without alarm lest her husband
should say that he too would stay at home Become almost superstitious about his
power of suspicious divination she had a glancing forethought of what she would
do in that case namely have herself denied as not well But Grandcourt
accepted her excuse without remark and rode off
Nevertheless when Gwendolen found herself alone and had sent down the order
that only Mr Deronda was to be admitted she began to be alarmed at what she
had done and to feel a growing agitation in the thought that he would soon
appear and she should soon be obliged to speak not of trivialities as if she
had had no serious motive in asking him to come and yet what she had been for
hours determining to say began to seem impossible For the first time the
impulse of appeal to him was being checked by timidity and now that it was too
late she was shaken by the possibility that he might think her invitation
unbecoming If so she would have sunk in his esteem But immediately she
resisted this intolerable fear as an infection from her husbands way of
thinking That he would say she was making a fool of herself was rather a reason
why such a judgment would be remote from Derondas mind But that she could not
rid herself from this sudden invasion of womanly reticence was manifest in a
kind of action which had never occurred to her before In her struggle between
agitation and the effort to suppress it she was walking up and down the length
of two drawingrooms where at one end a long mirror reflected her in her black
dress chosen in the early morning with a halfadmitted reference to this hour
But above this black dress her head on its white pillar of a neck showed to
advantage Some consciousness of this made her turn hastily and hurry to the
boudoir where again there was glass but also tossed over a chair a large
piece of black lace which she snatched and tied over her crown of hair so as
completely to conceal her neck and leave only her face looking out from the
black frame In this manifest contempt of appearance she thought it possible to
be freer from nervousness but the black lace did not take away the uneasiness
from her eyes and lips
She was standing in the middle of the room when Deronda was announced and
as he approached her she perceived that he too for some reason was not his usual
self She could not have defined the change except by saying that he looked less
happy than usual and appeared to be under some effort in speaking to her And
yet the speaking was the slightest possible They both said »How do you do«
quite curtly and Gwendolen instead of sitting down moved to a little
distance resting her arms slightly on the tall back of a chair while Deronda
stood where he was both feeling it difficult to say anything more though the
preoccupation in his mind could hardly have been more remote than it was from
Gwendolens conception She naturally saw in his embarrassment some reflection
of her own Forced to speak she found all her training in concealment and
selfcommand of no use to her and began with timid awkwardness
»You will wonder why I begged you to come I wanted to ask you something
You said I was ignorant That is true And what can I do but ask you«
And at this moment she was feeling it utterly impossible to put the
questions she had intended Something new in her nervous manner roused Derondas
anxiety lest there might be a new crisis He said with the sadness of affection
in his voice
»My only regret is that I can be of so little use to you« The words and
the tone touched a new spring in her and she went on with more sense of
freedom yet still not saying anything she had designed to say and beginning to
hurry that she might somehow arrive at the right words
»I wanted to tell you that I have always been thinking of your advice but
is it any use I cant make myself different because things about me raise
bad feelings and I must go on I can alter nothing it is no use«
She paused an instant with the consciousness that she was not finding the
right words but began again as hurriedly »But if I go on I shall get worse I
want not to get worse I should like to be what you wish There are people who
are good and enjoy great things I know there are I am a contemptible
creature I feel as if I should get wicked with hating people I have tried to
think that I would go away from everybody But I cant There are so many things
to hinder me You think perhaps that I dont mind But I do mind I am afraid
of everything I am afraid of getting wicked Tell me what I can do«
She had forgotten everything but that image of her helpless misery which she
was trying to make present to Deronda in broken allusive speech wishing to
convey but not express all her need Her eyes were tearless and had a look of
smarting in their dilated brilliancy there was a subdued sob in her voice which
was more and more veiled till it was hardly above a whisper She was hurting
herself with the jewels that glittered on her tightlyclasped fingers pressed
against her heart
The feeling Deronda endured in these moments he afterwards called horrible
Words seemed to have no more rescue in them than if he had been beholding a
vessel in peril of wreck the poor ship with its manylived anguish beaten by
the inescapable storm How could he grasp the longgrowing process of this young
creatures wretchedness how arrest and change it with a sentence He was
afraid of his own voice The words that rushed into his mind seemed in their
feebleness nothing better than despair made audible or than that insensibility
to anothers hardship which applies precept to soothe pain He felt himself
holding a crowd of words imprisoned within his lips as if the letting them
escape would be a violation of awe before the mysteries of our human lot The
thought that urged itself foremost was »Confess everything to your husband
leave nothing concealed« the words carried in his mind a vision of reasons
which would have needed much fuller expression for Gwendolen to apprehend them
but before he had begun to utter those brief sentences the door opened and the
husband entered
Grandcourt had deliberately gone out and turned back to satisfy a suspicion
What he saw was Gwendolens face of anguish framed black like a nuns and
Deronda standing three yards from her with a look of sorrow such as he might
have bent on the last struggle of life in a beloved object Without any show of
surprise Grandcourt nodded to Deronda gave a second look at Gwendolen passed
on and seated himself easily at a little distance crossing his legs taking
out his handkerchief and trifling with it elegantly
Gwendolen had shrunk and changed her attitude on seeing him but she did not
turn or move from her place It was not a moment in which she could feign
anything or manifest any strong revulsion of feeling the passionate movement
of her last speech was still too strong within her What she felt besides was a
dull despairing sense that her interview with Deronda was at an end a curtain
had fallen But he naturally was urged into selfpossession and effort by
susceptibility to what might follow for her from being seen by her husband in
this betrayal of agitation and feeling that any pretence of ease in prolonging
his visit would only exaggerate Grandcourts possible conjectures of duplicity
he merely said
»I will not stay longer now Goodbye«
He put out his hand and she let him press her poor little chill fingers
but she said no goodbye
When he had left the room Gwendolen threw herself into a seat with an
expectation as dull as her despair the expectation that she was going to be
punished But Grandcourt took no notice he was satisfied to have let her know
that she had not deceived him and to keep a silence which was formidable with
omniscience He went out that evening and her plea of feeling ill was accepted
without even a sneer
The next morning at breakfast he said »I am going yachting to the
Mediterranean«
»When« said Gwendolen with a leap of heart which had hope in it
»The day after tomorrow The yacht is at Marseilles Lush is gone to get
everything ready«
»Shall I have mamma to stay with me then« said Gwendolen the new sudden
possibility of peace and affection filling her mind like a burst of morning
light
»No you will go with me«
Chapter XLIX
Ever in his soul
That larger justice which makes gratitude
Triumphed above resentment Tis the mark
Of regal natures with the wider life
And fuller capability of joy
Not wits exultant in the strongest lens
To show you goodness vanished into pulp
Never worth »thank you« theyre the devils friars
Vowed to be poor as he in love and trust
Yet must go begging of a world that keeps
Some human property
Deronda in parting from Gwendolen had abstained from saying »I shall not see
you again for a long while I am going away« lest Grandcourt should understand
him to imply that the fact was of importance to her
He was actually going away under circumstances so momentous to himself that
when he set out to fulfil his promise of calling on her he was already under
the shadow of a solemn emotion which revived the deepest experience of his life
Sir Hugo had sent for him to his chambers with the note »Come immediately
Something has happened« a preparation that caused him some relief when on
entering the baronets study he was received with grave affection instead of
the distress which he had apprehended
»It is nothing to grieve you sir« said Deronda in a tone rather of
restored confidence than question as he took the hand held out to him There
was an unusual meaning in Sir Hugos look and a subdued emotion in his voice
as he said
»No Dan no Sit down I have something to say«
Deronda obeyed not without presentiment It was extremely rare for Sir Hugo
to show so much serious feeling
»Not to grieve me my boy no At least if there is nothing in it that will
grieve you too much But I hardly expected that this just this would ever
happen There have been reasons why I have never prepared you for it There have
been reasons why I have never told you anything about your parentage But I have
striven in every way not to make that an injury to you«
Sir Hugo paused but Deronda could not speak He could not say »I have
never felt it an injury« Even if that had been true he could not have trusted
his voice to say anything Far more than any one but himself could know of was
hanging on this moment when the secrecy was to be broken Sir Hugo had never
seen the grand face he delighted in so pale the lips pressed together with
such a look of pain He went on with a more anxious tenderness as if he had a
new fear of wounding
»I have acted in obedience to your mothers wishes The secrecy was her
wish But now she desires to remove it She desires to see you I will put this
letter into your hands which you can look at byandby It will merely tell you
what she wishes you to do and where you will find her«
Sir Hugo held out a letter written on foreign paper which Deronda thrust
into his breastpocket with a sense of relief that he was not called on to read
anything immediately The emotion on Daniels face had gained on the baronet
and was visibly shaking his composure Sir Hugo found it difficult to say more
And Derondas whole soul was possessed by a question which was the hardest in
the world to utter Yet he could not bear to delay it This was a sacramental
moment If he let it pass he could not recover the influences under which it
was possible to utter the words and meet the answer For some moments hiseyes
were cast down and it seemed to both as if thoughts were in the air between
them But at last Deronda looked at Sir Hugo and said with a tremulous
reverence in his voice dreading to convey indirectly the reproach that
affection had for years been stifling
»Is my father also living«
The answer came immediately in a low emphatic tone
»No«
In the mingled emotions which followed that answer it was impossible to
distinguish joy from pain
Some new light had fallen on the past for Sir Hugo too in this interview
After a silence in which Deronda felt like one whose creed is gone before he has
religiously embraced another the baronet said in a tone of confession
»Perhaps I was wrong Dan to undertake what I did And perhaps I liked it a
little too well having you all to myself But if you have had any pain which I
might have helped I ask you to forgive me«
»The forgiveness has long been there« said Deronda »The chief pain has
always been on account of some one else whom I never knew whom I am now to
know It has not hindered me from feeling an affection for you which has made a
large part of all the life I remember«
It seemed one impulse that made the two men clasp each others hand for a
moment
Book VII
The Mother and the Son
Chapter L
»If some mortal born too soon
Were laid away in some great trance the ages
Coming and going all the while till dawned
His true times advent and could then record
The words they spoke who kept watch by his bed
Then I might tell more of the breath so light
Upon my eyelids and the fingers warm
Among my hair Youth is confused yet never
So dull was I but when that spirit passed
I turned to him scarce consciously as turns
A watersnake when fairies cross his sleep«
Browning Paracelsus
This was the letter which Sir Hugo put into Derondas hands
To my son Daniel Deronda
My good friend and yours Sir Hugo Mallinger will have told you
that I wish to see you My health is shaken and I desire there should
be no time lost before I deliver to you what I have long withheld Let
nothing hinder you from being at the Albergo dell Italia in Genoa by
the fourteenth of this month Wait for me there I am uncertain when I
shall be able to make the journey from Sepia where I shall be staying
That will depend on several things Wait for me the Princess
HalmEberstein Bring with you the diamond ring that Sir Hugo gave you
I shall like to see it again Your unknown mother
LEONORA HALMEBERSTEIN
This letter with its colourless wording gave Deronda no clue to what was in
reserve for him but he could not do otherwise than accept Sir Hugos reticence
which seemed to imply some pledge not to anticipate the mothers disclosures
and the discovery that his lifelong conjectures had been mistaken checked
further surmise Deronda could not hinder his imagination from taking a quick
flight over what seemed possibilities but he refused to contemplate any one of
them as more likely than another lest he should be nursing it into a dominant
desire or repugnance instead of simply preparing himself with resolve to meet
the fact bravely whatever it might turn out to be
In this state of mind he could not have communicated to any one the reason
for the absence which in some quarters he was obliged to mention beforehand
least of all to Mordecai whom it would affect as powerfully as it did himself
only in rather a different way If he were to say »I am going to learn the
truth about my birth« Mordecais hope would gather what might prove a painful
dangerous excitement To exclude suppositions he spoke of his journey as being
undertaken by Sir Hugos wish and threw as much indifference as he could into
his manner of announcing it saying he was uncertain of its duration but it
would perhaps be very short
»I will ask to have the child Jacob to stay with me« said Mordecai
comforting himself in this way after the first mournful glances
»I will drive round and ask Mrs Cohen to let him come« said Mirah
»The grandmother will deny you nothing« said Deronda »Im glad you were a
little wrong as well as I« he added smiling at Mordecai »You thought that old
Mrs Cohen would not bear to see Mirah«
»I undervalued her heart« said Mordecai »She is capable of rejoicing that
anothers plant blooms though her own be withered«
»Oh they are dear good people I feel as if we all belonged to each other«
said Mirah with a tinge of merriment in her smile
»What should you have felt if that Ezra had been your brother« said
Deronda mischievously a little provoked that she had taken kindly at once to
people who had caused him so much prospective annoyance on her account
Mirah looked at him with a slight surprise for a moment and then said »He
is not a bad man I think he would never forsake any one« But when she had
uttered the words she blushed deeply and glancing timidly at Mordecai turned
away to some occupation Her father was in her mind and this was a subject on
which she and her brother had a painful mutual consciousness »If he should come
and find us« was a thought which to Mirah sometimes made the street daylight as
shadowy as a haunted forest where each turn screened for her an imaginary
apparition
Deronda felt what was her involuntary allusion and understood the blush
How could he be slow to understand feelings which now seemed nearer than ever to
his own for the words of his mothers letter implied that his filial relation
was not to be freed from painful conditions indeed singularly enough that
letter which had brought his mother nearer as a living reality had thrown her
into more remoteness for his affections The tender yearning after a being whose
life might have been the worse for not having his care and love the image of a
mother who had not had all her dues whether of reverence or compassion had long
been secretly present with him in his observation of all the women he had come
near But it seemed now that this picturing of his mother might fit the facts no
better than his former conceptions about Sir Hugo He wondered to find that when
this mothers very handwriting had come to him with words holding her actual
feeling his affections had suddenly shrunk into a state of comparative
neutrality towards her A veiled figure with enigmatic speech had thrust away
that image which in spite of uncertainty his clinging thought had gradually
modelled and made the possessor of his tenderness and duteous longing When he
set off to Genoa the interest really uppermost in his mind had hardly so much
relation to his mother as to Mordecai and Mirah
»God bless you Dan« Sir Hugo had said when they shook hands »Whatever
else changes for you it cant change my being the oldest friend you have known
and the one who has all along felt the most for you I couldnt have loved you
better if youd been my own only I should have been better pleased with
thinking of you always as the future master of the Abbey instead of my fine
nephew and then you would have seen it necessary for you to take a political
line However things must be as they may« It was a defensive measure of the
baronets to mingle purposeless remarks with the expression of serious feeling
When Deronda arrived at the Italia in Genoa no Princess HalmEberstein was
there but on the second day there was a letter for him saying that her arrival
might happen within a week or might be deferred a fortnight and more she was
under circumstances which made it impossible for her to fix her journey more
precisely and she entreated him to wait as patiently as he could
With this indefinite prospect of suspense on matters of supreme moment to
him Deronda set about the difficult task of seeking amusement on philosophic
grounds as a means of quieting excited feeling and giving patience a lift over
a weary road His former visit to the superb city had been only cursory and
left him much to learn beyond the prescribed round of sightseeing by spending
the cooler hours in observant wandering about the streets the quay and the
environs and he often took a boat that he might enjoy the magnificent view of
the city and harbour from the sea All sights all subjects even the expected
meeting with his mother found a central union in Mordecai and Mirah and the
ideas immediately associated with them and among the thoughts that most filled
his mind while his boat was pushing about within view of the grand harbour was
that of the multitudinous Spanish Jews centuries ago driven destitute from their
Spanish homes suffered to land from the crowded ships only for brief rest on
this grand quay of Genoa overspreading it with a pall of famine and plague
dying mothers with dying children at their breasts fathers and sons agaze at
each others haggardness like groups from a hundred Hungertowers turned out
beneath the midday sun Inevitably dreamy constructions of a possible ancestry
for himself would weave themselves with historic memories which had begun to
have a new interest for him on his discovery of Mirah and now under the
influence of Mordecai had become irresistibly dominant He would have sealed
his mind against such constructions if it had been possible and he had never
yet fully admitted to himself that he wished the facts to verify Mordecais
conviction he inwardly repeated that he had no choice in the matter and that
wishing was folly nay on the question of parentage wishing seemed part of
that meanness which disowns kinship it was a disowning by anticipation What he
had to do was simply to accept the fact and he had really no strong presumption
to go upon now that he was assured of his mistake about Sir Hugo There had
been a resolved concealment which made all inference untrustworthy and the very
name he bore might be a false one If Mordecai were wrong if he the socalled
Daniel Deronda were held by ties entirely aloof from any such course as his
friends pathetic hope had marked out he would not say »I wish« but he could
not help feeling on which side the sacrifice lay
Across these two importunate thoughts which he resisted as much as one can
resist anything in that unstrung condition which belongs to suspense there came
continually an anxiety which he made no effort to banish dwelling on it rather
with a mournfulness which often seems to us the best atonement we can make to
one whose need we have been unable to meet The anxiety was for Gwendolen In
the wonderful mixtures of our nature there is a feeling distinct from that
exclusive passionate love of which some men and women by no means all are
capable which yet is not the same with friendship nor with a merely benevolent
regard whether admiring or compassionate a man say for it is a man who is
here concerned hardly represents to himself this shade of feeling towards a
woman more nearly than in the words »I should have loved her if « the »if«
covering some prior growth in the inclinations or else some circumstances which
have made an inward prohibitory law as a stay against the emotions ready to
quiver out of balance The »if« in Derondas case carried reasons of both kinds
yet he had never throughout his relations with Gwendolen been free from the
nervous consciousness that there was something to guard against not only on her
account but on his own some precipitancy in the manifestation of impulsive
feeling some ruinous inroad of what is but momentary on the permanent chosen
treasure of the heart some spoiling of her trust which wrought upon him now
as if it had been the retreating cry of a creature snatched and carried out of
his reach by swift horsemen or swifter waves while his own strength was only a
stronger sense of weakness How could his feeling for Gwendolen ever be exactly
like his feeling for other women even when there was one by whose side he
desired to stand apart from them Strangely her figure entered into the pictures
of his present and future strangely and now it seemed sadly their two lots
had come in contact hers narrowly personal his charged with farreaching
sensibilities perhaps with durable purposes which were hardly more present to
her than the reasons why men migrate are present to the birds that come as usual
for the crumbs and find them no more Not that Deronda was too ready to imagine
himself of supreme importance to a woman but her words of insistance that he
»must remain near her must not forsake her« continually recurred to him with
the clearness and importunity of imagined sounds such as Dante has said pierce
us like arrows whose points carry the sharpness of pity
»Lamenti saettaron me diversi
Che di pietà ferrati avean gli strali«
Day after day passed and the very air of Italy seemed to carry the
consciousness that war had been declared against Austria and every day was a
hurrying march of crowded Time towards the worldchanging battle of Sadowa
Meanwhile in Genoa the noons were getting hotter the converging outer roads
getting deeper with white dust the oleanders in the tubs along the wayside
gardens looking more and more like fatigued holidaymakers and the sweet
evening changing her office scattering abroad those whom the midday had sent
under shelter and sowing all paths with happy social sounds little tinklings
of mulebells and whirrings of thrumbed strings light footsteps and voices if
not leisurely then with the hurry of pleasure in them while the encircling
heights crowned with forts skirted with fine dwellings and gardens seemed
also to come forth and gaze in fulness of beauty after their long siesta till
all strong colour melted in the stream of moonlight which made the streets a new
spectacle with shadows both still and moving on cathedral steps and against
the façades of massive palaces and then slowly with the descending moon all
sank in deep night and silence and nothing shone but the port lights of the
great Lanterna in the blackness below and the glimmering stars in the blackness
above Deronda in his suspense watched this revolving of the days as he might
have watched a wonderful clock where the striking of the hours was made solemn
with antique figures advancing and retreating in monitory procession while he
still kept his ear open for another kind of signal which would have its
solemnity too He was beginning to sicken of occupation and found himself
contemplating all activity with the aloofness of a prisoner awaiting ransom In
his letters to Mordecai and Hans he had avoided writing about himself but he
was really getting into that state of mind to which all subjects become
personal and the few books he had brought to make him a refuge in study were
becoming unreadable because the point of view that life would make for him was
in that agitating moment of uncertainty which is close upon decision
Many nights were watched through by him in gazing from the open window of
his room on the double faintly pierced darkness of the sea and the heavens
often in struggling under the oppressive scepticism which represented his
particular lot with all the importance he was allowing Mordecai to give it as
of no more lasting effect than a dream a set of changes which made passion to
him but beyond his consciousness were no more than an imperceptible difference
of mass or shadow sometimes with a reaction of emotive force which gave even to
sustained disappointment even to the fulfilled demand of sacrifice the nature
of a satisfied energy and spread over his young future whatever it might be
the attraction of devoted service sometimes with a sweet irresistible
hopefulness that the very best of human possibilities might befall him the
blending of a complete personal love in one current with a larger duty and
sometimes again in a mood of rebellion what human creature escapes it against
things in general because they are thus and not otherwise a mood in which
Gwendolen and her equivocal fate moved as busy images of what was amiss in the
world along with the concealments which he had felt as a hardship in his own
life and which were acting in him now under the form of an afflicting
doubtfulness about the mother who had announced herself coldly and still kept
away
But at last she was come One morning in his third week of waiting there was
a new kind of knock at the door A servant in chasseurs livery entered and
delivered in French the verbal message that the Princess HalmEberstein had
arrived that she was going to rest during the day but would be obliged if
Monsieur would dine early so as to be at liberty at seven when she would be
able to receive him
Chapter LI
She held the spindle as she sat
Erinna with the thickcoiled mat
Of raven hair and deepest agate eyes
Gazing with a sad surprise
At surging visions of her destiny
To spin the byssus drearily
In insectlabour while the throng
Of gods and men wrought deeds
that poets wrought in song
When Deronda presented himself at the door of his mothers apartment in the
Italia he felt some revival of his boyhood with its premature agitations The
two servants in the antechamber looked at him markedly a little surprised that
the doctor their lady had come to consult was this striking young gentleman
whose appearance gave even the severe lines of an evening dress the credit of
adornment But Deronda could notice nothing until the second door being opened
he found himself in the presence of a figure which at the other end of the large
room stood awaiting his approach
She was covered except as to her face and part of her arms with black lace
hanging loosely from the summit of her whitening hair to the long train
stretching from her tall figure Her arms naked from the elbow except for some
rich bracelets were folded before her and the fine poise of her head made it
look handsomer than it really was But Deronda felt no interval of observation
before he was close in front of her holding the hand she had put out and then
raising it to his lips She still kept her hand in his and looked at him
examiningly while his chief consciousness was that her eyes were piercing and
her face so mobile that the next moment she might look like a different person
For even while she was examining him there was a play of the brow and nostril
which made a tacit language Deronda dared no movement not able to conceive
what sort of manifestation her feeling demanded but he felt himself changing
colour like a girl and yet wondering at his own lack of emotion he had lived
through so many ideal meetings with his mother and they had seemed more real
than this He could not even conjecture in what language she would speak to him
He imagined it would not be English Suddenly she let fall his hand and placed
both hers on his shoulders while her face gave out a flash of admiration in
which every worn line disappeared and seemed to leave a restored youth
»You are a beautiful creature« she said in a low melodious voice with
syllables which had what might be called a foreign but agreeable outline »I
knew you would be« Then she kissed him on each cheek and he returned her
kisses But it was something like a greeting between royalties
She paused a moment while the lines were coming back into her face and
then said in a colder tone »I am your mother But you can have no love for me«
»I have thought of you more than of any other being in the world« said
Deronda his voice trembling nervously
»I am not like what you thought I was« said the mother decisively
withdrawing her hands from his shoulders and folding her arms as before looking
at him as if she invited him to observe her He had often pictured her face in
his imagination as one which had a likeness to his own he saw some of the
likeness now but amidst more striking differences She was a remarkablelooking
being What was it that gave her son a painful sense of aloofness Her worn
beauty had a strangeness in it as if she were not quite a human mother but a
Melusina who had ties with some world which is independent of ours
»I used to think that you might be suffering« said Deronda anxious above
all not to wound her »I used to wish that I could be a comfort to you«
»I am suffering But with a suffering that you cant comfort« said the
Princess in a harder voice than before moving to a sofa where cushions had
been carefully arranged for her »Sit down« She pointed to a seat near her and
then discerning some distress in Derondas face she added more gently »I am
not suffering at this moment I am at ease now I am able to talk«
Deronda seated himself and waited for her to speak again It seemed as if he
were in the presence of a mysterious Fate rather than of the longedfor mother
He was beginning to watch her with wonder from the spiritual distance to which
she had thrown him
»No« she began »I did not send for you to comfort me I could not know
beforehand I dont know now what you will feel towards me I have not the
foolish notion that you can love me merely because I am your mother when you
have never seen or heard of me all your life But I thought I chose something
better for you than being with me I did not think that I deprived you of
anything worth having«
»You cannot wish me to believe that your affection would not have been worth
having« said Deronda finding that she paused as if she expected him to make
some answer
»I dont mean to speak ill of myself« said the Princess with proud
impetuosity »but I had not much affection to give you I did not want
affection I had been stifled with it I wanted to live out the life that was in
me and not to be hampered with other lives You wonder what I was I was no
princess then« She rose with a sudden movement and stood as she had done
before Deronda immediately rose too he felt breathless
»No princess in this tame life that I live in now I was a great singer and
I acted as well as I sang All the rest were poor beside me Men followed me
from one country to another I was living a myriad lives in one I did not want
a child«
There was a passionate selfdefence in her tone She had cast all precedent
out of her mind Precedent had no excuse for her and she could only seek a
justification in the intensest words she could find for her experience She
seemed to fling out the last words against some possible reproach in the mind of
her son who had to stand and hear them clutching his coatcollar as if he
were keeping himself above water by it and feeling his blood in the sort of
commotion that might have been excited if he had seen her going through some
strange rite of a religion which gave a sacredness to crime What else had she
to tell him She went on with the same intensity and a sort of pale illumination
in her face
»I did not want to marry I was forced into marrying your father forced I
mean by my fathers wishes and commands and besides it was my best way of
getting some freedom I could rule my husband but not my father I had a right
to be free I had a right to seek my freedom from a bondage that I hated«
She seated herself again while there was that subtle movement in her eyes
and closed lips which is like the suppressed continuation of speech Deronda
continued standing and after a moment or two she looked up at him with a less
defiant pleading as she said
»And the bondage I hated for myself I wanted to keep you from What better
could the most loving mother have done I relieved you from the bondage of
having been born a Jew«
»Then I am a Jew« Deronda burst out with a deepvoiced energy that made his
mother shrink a little backward against her cushions »My father was a Jew and
you are a Jewess«
»Yes your father was my cousin« said the mother watching him with a
change in her look as if she saw something that she might have to be afraid of
»I am glad of it« said Deronda impetuously in the veiled voice of
passion He could not have imagined beforehand how he would come to say that
which he had never hitherto admitted He could not have dreamed that it would be
in impulsive opposition to his mother He was shaken by a mixed anger which no
reflection could come soon enough to check against this mother who it seemed
had borne him unwillingly had willingly made herself a stranger to him and
perhaps was now making herself known unwillingly This last suspicion seemed
to flash some explanation over her speech
But the mother was equally shaken by an anger differently mixed and her
frame was less equal to any repression The shaking with her was visibly
physical and her eyes looked the larger for her pallid excitement as she said
violently
»Why do you say you are glad You are an English gentleman I secured you
that«
»You did not know what you secured me How could you choose my birthright
for me« said Deronda throwing himself sideways into his chair again almost
unconsciously and leaning his arm over the back while he looked away from his
mother
He was fired with an intolerance that seemed foreign to him But he was now
trying hard to master himself and keep silence A horror had swept in upon his
anger lest he should say something too hard in this moment which made an epoch
never to be recalled There was a pause before his mother spoke again and when
she spoke her voice had become more firmly resistant in its finely varied tones
»I chose for you what I would have chosen for myself How could I know that
you would have the spirit of my father in you How could I know that you would
love what I hated if you really love to be a Jew« The last words had such
bitterness in them that any one overhearing might have supposed some hatred had
arisen between the mother and son
But Deronda had recovered his fuller self He was recalling his
sensibilities to what life had been and actually was for her whose best years
were gone and who with the signs of suffering in her frame was now exerting
herself to tell him of a past which was not his alone but also hers His
habitual shame at the acceptance of events as if they were his only helped him
even here As he looked at his mother silently after her last words his face
regained some of its penetrative calm yet it seemed to have a strangely
agitating influence over her her eyes were fixed on him with a sort of
fascination but not with any repose of maternal delight
»Forgive me if I speak hastily« he said with diffident gravity »Why have
you resolved now on disclosing to me what you took care to have me brought up in
ignorance of Why since you seem angry that I should be glad«
»Oh the reasons of our actions« said the Princess with a ring of
something like sarcastic scorn »When you are as old as I am it will not seem
so simple a question Why did you do this People talk of their motives in a
cut and dried way Every woman is supposed to have the same set of motives or
else to be a monster I am not a monster but I have not felt exactly what other
women feel or say they feel for fear of being thought unlike others When you
reproach me in your heart for sending you away from me you mean that I ought to
say I felt about you as other women say they feel about their children I did
not feel that I was glad to be freed from you But I did well for you and I
gave you your fathers fortune Do I seem now to be revoking everything Well
there are reasons I feel many things that I cant understand A fatal illness
has been growing in me for a year I shall very likely not live another year I
will not deny anything I have done I will not pretend to love where I have no
love But shadows are rising round me Sickness makes them If I have wronged
the dead I have but little time to do what I left undone«
The varied transitions of tone with which this speech was delivered were as
perfect as the most accomplished actress could have made them The speech was in
fact a piece of what may be called sincere acting this womans nature was one
in which all feeling and all the more when it was tragic as well as real
immediately became matter of conscious representation experience immediately
passed into drama and she acted her own emotions In a minor degree this is
nothing uncommon but in the Princess the acting had a rare perfection of
physiognomy voice and gesture It would not be true to say that she felt less
because of this double consciousness she felt that is her mind went through
all the more but with a difference each nucleus of pain or pleasure had a
deep atmosphere of the excitement or spiritual intoxication which at once exalts
and deadens But Deronda made no reflection of this kind All his thoughts hung
on the purport of what his mother was saying her tones and her wonderful face
entered into his agitation without being noted What he longed for with an awed
desire was to know as much as she would tell him of the strange mental conflict
under which it seemed that he had been brought into the world what his
compassionate nature made the controlling idea within him were the suffering and
the confession that breathed through her later words and these forbade any
further question when she paused and remained silent with her brow knit her
head turned a little away from him and her large eyes fixed as if on something
incorporeal He must wait for her to speak again She did so with strange
abruptness turning her eyes upon him suddenly and saying more quickly
»Sir Hugo has written much about you He tells me you have a wonderful mind
you comprehend everything you are wiser than he is with all his sixty years
You say you are glad to know that you were born a Jew I am not going to tell
you that I have changed my mind about that Your feelings are against mine You
dont thank me for what I did Shall you comprehend your mother or only blame
her«
»There is not a fibre within me but makes me wish to comprehend her« said
Deronda meeting her sharp gaze solemnly »It is a bitter reversal of my longing
to think of blaming her What I have been most trying to do for fifteen years is
to have some understanding of those who differ from myself«
»Then you have become unlike your grandfather in that« said the mother
»though you are a young copy of him in your face He never comprehended me or
if he did he only thought of fettering me into obedience I was to be what he
called the Jewish woman under pain of his curse I was to feel everything I did
not feel and believe everything I did not believe I was to feel awe for the
bit of parchment in the mezuza over the door to dread lest a bit of butter
should touch a bit of meat to think it beautiful that men should bind the
tephillin on them and women not to adore the wisdom of such laws however
silly they might seem to me I was to love the long prayers in the ugly
synagogue and the howling and the gabbling and the dreadful fasts and the
tiresome feasts and my fathers endless discoursing about Our People which was
a thunder without meaning in my ears I was to care for ever about what Israel
had been and I did not care at all I cared for the wide world and all that I
could represent in it I hated living under the shadow of my fathers
strictness Teaching teaching for everlasting this you must be that you must
not be pressed on me like a frame that got tighter and tighter as I grew I
wanted to live a large life with freedom to do what every one else did and be
carried along in a great current not obliged to care Ah« here her tone
changed to one of a more bitter incisiveness »you are glad to have been born a
Jew You say so That is because you have not been brought up as a Jew That
separateness seems sweet to you because I saved you from it«
»When you resolved on that you meant that I should never know my origin«
said Deronda impulsively »You have at least changed in your feeling on that
point«
»Yes that was what I meant That is what I persevered in And it is not
true to say that I have changed Things have changed in spite of me I am still
the same Leonora« she pointed with her forefinger to her breast »here within
me is the same desire the same will the same choice but« she spread out her
hands palm upwards on each side of her as she paused with a bitter
compression of her lip then let her voice fall into muffled rapid utterance
»events come upon us like evil enchantments and thoughts feelings apparitions
in the darkness are events are they not I dont consent We only consent to
what we love I obey something tyrannic« she spread out her hands again »I
am forced to be withered to feel pain to be dying slowly Do I love that
Well I have been forced to obey my dead father I have been forced to tell you
that you are a Jew and deliver to you what he commanded me to deliver«
»I beseech you to tell me what moved you when you were young I mean to
take the course you did« said Deronda trying by this reference to the past to
escape from what to him was the heartrending piteousness of this mingled
suffering and defiance »I gather that my grandfather opposed your bent to be an
artist Though my own experience has been quite different I enter into the
painfulness of your struggle I can imagine the hardship of an enforced
renunciation«
»No« said the Princess shaking her head and folding her arms with an air
of decision »You are not a woman You may try but you can never imagine what
it is to have a mans force of genius in you and yet to suffer the slavery of
being a girl To have a pattern cut out this is the Jewish woman this is what
you must be this is what you are wanted for a womans heart must be of such a
size and no larger else it must be pressed small like Chinese feet her
happiness is to be made as cakes are by a fixed receipt That was what my
father wanted He wished I had been a son he cared for me as a makeshift link
His heart was set on his Judaism He hated that Jewish women should be thought
of by the Christian world as a sort of ware to make public singers and actresses
of As if we were not the more enviable for that That is a chance of escaping
from bondage«
»Was my grandfather a learned man« said Deronda eager to know particulars
that he feared his mother might not think of
She answered impatiently putting up her hand »Oh yes and a clever
physician and good I dont deny that he was good A man to be admired in a
play grand with an iron will Like the old Foscari before he pardons But
such men turn their wives and daughters into slaves They would rule the world
if they could but not ruling the world they throw all the weight of their will
on the necks and souls of women But nature sometimes thwarts them My father
had no other child than his daughter and she was like himself«
She had folded her arms again and looked as if she were ready to face some
impending attempt at mastery
»Your father was different Unlike me all lovingness and affection I knew
I could rule him and I made him secretly promise me before I married him that
he would put no hindrance in the way of my being an artist My father was on his
deathbed when we were married from the first he had fixed his mind on my
marrying my cousin Ephraim And when a womans will is as strong as the mans
who wants to govern her half her strength must be concealment I meant to have
my will in the end but I could only have it by seeming to obey I had an awe of
my father always I had had an awe of him it was impossible to help it I
hated to feel awed I wished I could have defied him openly but I never could
It was what I could not imagine I could not act it to myself that I should
begin to defy my father openly and succeed And I never would risk failure«
That last sentence was uttered with an abrupt emphasis and she paused after
it as if the words had raised a crowd of remembrances which obstructed speech
Her son was listening to her with feelings more and more highly mixed the first
sense of being repelled by the frank coldness which had replaced all his
preconceptions of a mothers tender joy in the sight of him the first impulses
of indignation at what shocked his most cherished emotions and principles all
these busy elements of collision between them were subsiding for a time and
making more and more room for that effort at just allowance and that admiration
of a forcible nature whose errors lay along high pathways which he would have
felt if instead of being his mother she had been a stranger who had appealed
to his sympathy Still it was impossible to be dispassionate he trembled lest
the next thing she had to say would be more repugnant to him than what had gone
before he was afraid of the strange coercion she seemed to be under to lay her
mind bare he almost wished he could say »Tell me only what is necessary« and
then again he felt the fascination that made him watch her and listen to her
eagerly He tried to recall her to particulars by asking
»Where was my grandfathers home«
»Here in Genoa when I was married and his family had lived here
generations ago But my father had been in various countries«
»You must surely have lived in England«
»My mother was English a Jewess of Portuguese descent My father married
her in England Certain circumstances of that marriage made all the difference
in my life through that marriage my father thwarted his own plans My mothers
sister was a singer and afterwards she married the English partner of a
merchants house here in Genoa and they came and lived here eleven years My
mother died when I was eight years old and then my father allowed me to be
continually with my aunt Leonora and be taught under her eyes as if he had not
minded the danger of her encouraging my wish to be a singer as she had been
But this was it I saw it again and again in my father he did not guard
against consequences because he felt sure he could hinder them if he liked
Before my aunt left Genoa I had had enough teaching to bring out the born
singer and actress within me my father did not know everything that was done
but he knew that I was taught music and singing he knew my inclination That
was nothing to him he meant that I should obey his will And he was resolved
that I should marry my cousin Ephraim the only one left of my fathers family
that he knew
I wanted not to many I thought of all plans to resist it but at last I
found that I could rule my cousin and I consented My father died three weeks
after we were married and then I had my way« She uttered these words almost
exultantly but after a little pause her face changed and she said in a biting
tone »It has not lasted though My father is getting his way now«
She began to look more contemplatively again at her son and presently said
»You are like him but milder there is something of your own father in
you and he made it the labour of his life to devote himself to me wound up his
moneychanging and banking and lived to wait upon me he went against his
conscience for me As I loved the life of my art so he loved me Let me look at
your hand again the hand with the ring on It was your fathers ring«
He drew his chair nearer to her and gave her his hand We know what kind of
hand it was her own very much smaller was of the same type As he felt the
smaller hand holding his as he saw nearer to him the face that held the
likeness of his own aged not by time but by intensity the strong bent of his
nature towards a reverential tenderness asserted itself above every other
impression and in his most fervent tone he said
»Mother take us all into your heart the living and the dead Forgive
everything that hurts you in the past Take my affection«
She looked at him admiringly rather than lovingly then kissed him on the
brow and saying sadly »I reject nothing but I have nothing to give« she
released his hand and sank back on her cushions Deronda turned pale with what
seems always more of a sensation than an emotion the pain of repulsed
tenderness She noticed the expression of pain and said still with melodious
melancholy in her tones
»It is better so We must part again soon and you owe me no duties I did
not wish you to be born I parted with you willingly When your father died I
resolved that I would have no more ties but such as I could free myself from I
was the Alcharisi you have heard of the name had magic wherever it was carried
Men courted me Sir Hugo Mallinger was one who wished to marry me He was madly
in love with me One day I asked him Is there a man capable of doing something
for love of me and expecting nothing in return He said What is it you want
done I said Take my boy and bring him up as an Englishman and let him never
know anything about his parents You were little more than two years old and
were sitting on his foot He declared that he would pay money to have such a
boy I had not meditated much on the plan beforehand but as soon as I had
spoken about it it took possession of me as something I could not rest without
doing At first he thought I was not serious but I convinced him and he was
never surprised at anything He agreed that it would be for your good and the
finest thing for you A great singer and actress is a queen but she gives no
royalty to her son All that happened at Naples And afterwards I made Sir
Hugo the trustee of your fortune That is what I did and I had a joy in doing
it My father had tyrannised over me he cared more about a grandson to come
than he did about me I counted as nothing You were to be such a Jew as he you
were to be what he wanted But you were my son and it was my turn to say what
you should be I said you should not know you were a Jew«
»And for months events have been preparing me to be glad that I am a Jew«
said Deronda his opposition roused again The point touched the quick of his
experience »It would always have been better that I should have known the
truth I have always been rebelling against the secrecy that looked like shame
It is no shame to have Jewish parents the shame is to disown it«
»You say it was a shame to me then that I used that secrecy« said his
mother with a flash of new anger »There is no shame attaching to me I have no
reason to be ashamed I rid myself of the Jewish tatters and gibberish that make
people nudge each other at sight of us as if we were tattoed under our clothes
though our faces are as whole as theirs I delivered you from the pelting
contempt that pursues Jewish separateness I am not ashamed that I did it It
was the better for you«
»Then why have you now undone the secrecy no not undone it the effects
will never be undone But why have you now sent for me to tell me that I am a
Jew« said Deronda with an intensity of opposition in feeling that was almost
bitter It seemed as if her words had called out a latent obstinacy of race in
him
»Why ah why« said the Princess rising quickly and walking to the other
side of the room where she turned round and slowly approached him as he too
stood up Then she began to speak again in a more veiled voice »I cant
explain I can only say what is I dont love my fathers religion now any more
than I did then Before I married the second time I was baptised I made myself
like the people I lived among I had a right to do it I was not like a brute
obliged to go with my own herd I have not repented I will not say that I have
repented But yet« here she had come near to her son and paused then again
retreated a little and stood still as if resolute not to give way utterly to an
imperious influence but as she went on speaking she became more and more
unconscious of anything but the awe that subdued her voice »It is illness I
dont doubt that it has been gathering illness my mind has gone back more
than a year ago it began You see my grey hair my worn look it has all come
fast Sometimes I am in an agony of pain I daresay I shall be tonight Then
it is as if all the life I have chosen to live all thoughts all will forsook
me and left me alone in spots of memory and I cant get away my pain seems to
keep me there My childhood my girlhood the day of my marriage the day of
my fathers death there seems to be nothing since Then a great horror comes
over me what do I know of life or death and what my father called right may be
a power that is laying hold of me that is clutching me now Well I will
satisfy him I cannot go into the darkness without satisfying him I have hidden
what was his I thought once I would burn it I have not burnt it I thank God I
have not burnt it«
She threw herself on her cushions again visibly fatigued Deronda moved
too strongly by her suffering for other impulses to act within him drew near
her and said entreatingly
»Will you not spare yourself this evening Let us leave the rest till
tomorrow«
»No« she said decisively »I will confess it all now that I have come up
to it Often when I am at ease it all fades away my whole self comes quite
back but I know it will sink away again and the other will come the poor
solitary forsaken remains of self that can resist nothing It was my nature to
resist and say I have a right to resist Well I say so still when I have any
strength in me You have heard me say it and I dont withdraw it But when my
strength goes some other right forces itself upon me like iron in an inexorable
hand and even when I am at ease it is beginning to make ghosts upon the
daylight And now you have made it worse for me« she said with a sudden return
of impetuosity »but I shall have told you everything And what reproach is
there against me« she added bitterly »since I have made you glad to be a Jew
Joseph Kalonymos reproached me he said you had been turned into a proud
Englishman who resented being touched by a Jew I wish you had« she ended
with a new marvellous alternation It was as if her mind were breaking into
several one jarring the other into impulsive action
»Who is Joseph Kalonymos« said Deronda with a darting recollection of that
Jew who touched his arm in the Frankfort synagogue
»Ah some vengeance sent him back from the East that he might see you and
come to reproach me He was my fathers friend He knew of your birth he knew
of my husbands death and once twenty years ago after he had been away in the
Levant he came to see me and inquire about you I told him that you were dead
I meant you to be dead to all the world of my childhood If I had said you were
living he would have interfered with my plans he would have taken on him to
represent my father and have tried to make me recall what I had done What
could I do but say you were dead The act was done If I had told him of it
there would have been trouble and scandal and all to conquer me who would not
have been conquered I was strong then and I would have had my will though
there might have been a hard fight against me I took the way to have it without
any fight I felt then that I was not really deceiving it would have come to
the same in the end or if not to the same to something worse He believed me
and begged that I would give up to him the chest that my father had charged me
and my husband to deliver to our eldest son I knew what was in the chest
things that had been dinned in my ears since I had had any understanding
things that were thrust on my mind that I might feel them like a wall around my
life my life that was growing like a tree Once after my husband died I was
going to burn the chest But it was difficult to burn and burning a chest and
papers looks like a shameful act I have committed no shameful act except what
Jews would call shameful I had kept the chest and I gave it to Joseph
Kalonymos He went away mournful and said If you marry again and if another
grandson is born to him who is departed I will deliver up the chest to him I
bowed in silence I meant not to marry again no more than I meant to be the
shattered woman that I am now«
She ceased speaking and her head sank back while she looked vaguely before
her Her thought was travelling through the years and when she began to speak
again her voice had lost its argumentative spirit and had fallen into a veiled
tone of distress
»But months ago this Kalonymos saw you in the synagogue at Frankfort He saw
you enter the hotel and he went to ask your name There was nobody else in the
world to whom the name would have told anything about me«
»Then it is not my real name« said Deronda with a dislike even to this
trifling part of the disguise which had been thrown round him
»Oh as real as another« said his mother indifferently »The Jews have
always been changing their names My fathers family had kept the name of
Charisi my husband was a Charisi When I came out as a singer we made it
Alcharisi But there had been a branch of the family my father had lost sight of
who called themselves Deronda and when I wanted a name for you and Sir Hugo
said Let it be a foreign name I thought of Deronda But Joseph Kalonymos had
heard my father speak of the Deronda branch and the name confirmed his
suspicion He began to suspect what had been done It was as if everything had
been whispered to him in the air He found out where I was He took a journey
into Russia to see me he found me weak and shattered He had come back again
with his white hair and with rage in his soul against me He said I was going
down to the grave clad in falsehood and robbery falsehood to my father and
robbery of my own child He accused me of having kept the knowledge of your
birth from you and having brought you up as if you had been the son of an
English gentleman Well it was true and twenty years before I would have
maintained that I had a right to do it But I can maintain nothing now No faith
is strong within me My father may have God on his side This mans words were
like lions teeth upon me My fathers threats eat into me with my pain If I
tell everything if I deliver up everything what else can be demanded of me
I cannot make myself love the people I have never loved is it not enough that
I lost the life I did love«
She had leaned forward a little in her lowtoned pleading that seemed like
a smothered cry her arms and hands were stretched out at full length as if
strained in beseeching Derondas soul was absorbed in the anguish of
compassion He could not mind now that he had been repulsed before His pity
made a flood of forgiveness within him His single impulse was to kneel by her
and take her hand gently between his palms while he said in that exquisite
voice of soothing which expresses oneness with the sufferer
»Mother take comfort«
She did not seem inclined to repulse him now but looked down at him and let
him take both her hands to fold between his Gradually tears gathered but she
pressed her handkerchief against her eyes and then leaned her cheek against his
brow as if she wished that they should not look at each other
»Is it not possible that I could be near you often and comfort you« said
Deronda He was under that stress of pity that propels us on sacrifices
»No not possible« she answered lifting up her head again and withdrawing
her hand as if she wished him to move away »I have a husband and five children
None of them know of your existence«
Deronda felt painfully silenced He rose and stood at a little distance
»You wonder why I married« she went on presently under the influence of a
newlyrecurring thought »I meant never to marry again I meant to be free and
to live for my art I had parted with you I had no bonds For nine years I was
a queen I enjoyed the life I had longed for But something befell me It was
like a fit of forgetfulness I began to sing out of tune They told me of it
Another woman was thrusting herself in my place I could not endure the prospect
of failure and decline It was horrible to me« She started up again with a
shudder and lifted screening hands like one who dreads missiles »It drove me
to marry I made believe that I preferred being the wife of a Russian noble to
being the greatest lyric actress of Europe I made believe I acted that part
It was because I felt my greatness sinking away from me as I feel my life
sinking now I would not wait till men said She had better go«
She sank into her seat again and looked at the evening sky as she went on
»I repented It was a resolve taken in desperation That singing out of tune was
only like a fit of illness it went away I repented but it was too late I
could not go back All things hindered me all things«
A new haggardness had come in her face but her son refrained from again
urging her to leave further speech till the morrow there was evidently some
mental relief for her in an outpouring such as she could never have allowed
herself before He stood still while she maintained silence longer than she
knew and the light was perceptibly fading At last she turned to him and said
»I can bear no more now« She put out her hand but then quickly withdrew it
saying »Stay How do I know that I can see you again I cannot bear to be seen
when I am in pain«
She drew forth a pocketbook and taking out a letter said »This is
addressed to the bankinghouse in Mainz where you are to go for your
grandfathers chest It is a letter written by Joseph Kalonymos if he is not
there himself this order of his will be obeyed«
When Deronda had taken the letter she said with effort but more gently
than before »Kneel again and let me kiss you«
He obeyed and holding his head between her hands she kissed him solemnly on
the brow »You see I had no life left to love you with« she said in a low
murmur »But there is more fortune for you Sir Hugo was to keep it in reserve
I gave you all your fathers fortune They can never accuse me of robbery
there«
»If you had needed anything I would have worked for you« said Deronda
conscious of a disappointed yearning a shutting out for ever from long early
vistas of affectionate imagination
»I need nothing that the skill of man can give me« said his mother still
holding his head and perusing his features »But perhaps now I have satisfied
my fathers will your face will come instead of his your young loving face«
»But you will see me again« said Deronda anxiously
»Yes perhaps Wait wait Leave me now«
Chapter LII
»La même fermeté qui sert à résister à lamour sert aussi à le
rendre violent et durable et les personnes foibles qui sont
toujours agitées des passions nen sont presque jamais véritablement
remplies«
La Rochefoucauld
Among Derondas letters the next morning was one from Hans Meyrick of four
quarto pages in the small beautiful handwriting which ran in the Meyrick family
My dear Deronda In return for your sketch of Italian movements and
your view of the worlds affairs generally I may say that here at home
the most judicious opinion going as to the effects of present causes is
that »time will show« As to the present causes of past effects it is
now seen that the late swindling telegrams account for the last years
cattle plague which is a refutation of philosophy falsely so called
and justifies the compensation to the farmers My own idea that a
murrain will shortly break out in the commercial class and that the
cause will subsequently disclose itself in the ready sale of all
rejected pictures has been called an unsound use of analogy but there
are minds that will not hesitate to rob even the neglected painter of
his solace To my feeling there is great beauty in the conception that
some bad judge might give a high price for my Berenice series and that
the men in the city would have already been punished for my illmerited
luck
Meanwhile I am consoling myself for your absence by finding my
advantage in it shining like Hesperus when Hyperion has departed
sitting with our Hebrew prophet and making a study of his head in the
hours when he used to be occupied with you getting credit with him as
a learned young Gentile who would have been a Jew if he could and
agreeing with him in the general principle that whatever is best is for
that reason Jewish I never held it my forte to be a severe reasoner
but I can see that if whatever is best is A and B happens to be best B
must be A however little you might have expected it beforehand On that
principle I could see the force of a pamphlet I once read to prove that
all good art was Protestant However our prophet is an uncommonly
interesting sitter a better model than Rembrandt had for his Rabbi
and I never come away from him without a new discovery For one thing
it is a constant wonder to me that with all his fiery feeling for his
race and their traditions he is no straitlaced Jew spitting after the
word Christian and enjoying the prospect that the Gentile mouth will
water in vain for a slice of the roasted Leviathan while Israel will be
sending up plates for more ad libitum You perceive that my studies
had taught me what to expect from the orthodox Jew I confess that I
have always held lightly by your account of Mordecai as apologetic and
merely part of your disposition to take an antediluvian point of view
lest you should do injustice to the megatherium But now I have given
ear to him in his proper person I find him really a sort of
philosophical allegoricalmystical believer and yet with a sharp
dialectic point so that any argumentative rattler of peas in a bladder
might soon be pricked into silence by him The mixture may be one of the
Jewish prerogatives for what I know In fact his mind seems so broad
that I find my own correct opinions lying in it quite commodiously and
how they are to be brought into agreement with the vast remainder is his
affair not mine I leave it to him to settle our basis never yet
having seen a basis which is not a world supporting elephant more or
less powerful and expensive to keep My means will not allow me to keep
a private elephant I go into mystery instead as cheaper and more
lasting a sort of gas which is likely to be continually supplied by
the decomposition of the elephants And if I like the look of an
opinion I treat it civilly without suspicious inquiries I have quite
a friendly feeling towards Mordecais notion that a whole Christian is
threefourths a Jew and that from the Alexandrian time downward the
most comprehensive minds have been Jewish for I think of pointing out
to Mirah that Arabic and other accidents of life apart there is really
little difference between me and Maimonides But I have lately been
finding out that it is your shallow lover who cant help making a
declaration If Mirahs ways were less distracting and it were less of
a heaven to be in her presence and watch her I must long ago have flung
myself at her feet and requested her to tell me with less
indirectness whether she wished me to blow my brains out I have a
knack of hoping which is as good as an estate in reversion if one can
keep from the temptation of turning it into certainty which may spoil
all My Hope wanders among the orchardblossoms feels the warm snow
falling on it through the sunshine and is in doubt of nothing but
catching sight of Certainty in the distance sees an ugly Janusfaced
deity with a dubious wink on the hither side of him and turns quickly
away But you with your supreme reasonableness and selfnullification
and preparation for the worst you know nothing about Hope that
immortal delicious maiden for ever courted for ever propitious whom
fools have called deceitful as if it were Hope that carried the cup of
disappointment whereas it is her deadly enemy Certainty whom she only
escapes by transformation You observe my new vein of allegory
Seriously however I must be permitted to allege that truth will
prevail that prejudice will melt before it that diversity accompanied
by merit will make itself felt as fascination and that no virtuous
aspiration will be frustrated all which if I mistake not are
doctrines of the schools and all imply that the Jewess I prefer will
prefer me Any blockhead can cite generalities but the mastermind
discerns the particular cases they represent
I am less convinced that my society makes amends to Mordecai for
your absence but another substitute occasionally comes in the form of
Jacob Cohen It is worth while to catch our prophets expression when he
has that remarkable type of young Israel on his knee and pours forth
some Semitic inspiration with a sublime look of melancholy patience and
devoutness Sometimes it occurs to Jacob that Hebrew will be more
edifying to him if he stops his ears with his palms and imitates the
venerable sounds as heard through that muffling medium When Mordecai
gently draws down the little fists and holds them fast Jacobs features
all take on an extraordinary activity very much as if he were walking
through a menagerie and trying to imitate every animal in turn
succeeding best with the owl and the peccary But I daresay you have
seen something of this He treats me with the easiest familiarity and
seems in general to look at me as a secondhand Christian commodity
likely to come down in price remarking on my disadvantages with a
frankness which seems to imply some thoughts of future purchase It is
pretty though to see the change in him if Mirah happens to come in He
turns child suddenly his age usually strikes one as being like the
Israelitish garments in the desert perhaps near forty yet with an air
of recent production But with Mirah he reminds me of the dogs that
have been brought up by women and remain manageable by them only
Still the dog is fond of Mordecai too and brings sugar plums to share
with him filling his own mouth to rather an embarrassing extent and
watching how Mordecai deals with a smaller supply Judging from this
modern Jacob at the age of six my astonishment is that his race has not
bought us all up long ago and pocketed our feebler generations in the
form of stock and scrip as so much slave property There is one Jewess
I should not mind being slave to But I wish I did not imagine that
Mirah gets a little sadder and tries all the while to hide it It is
natural enough of course while she has to watch the slow death of this
brother whom she has taken to worshipping with such looks of loving
devoutness that I am ready to wish myself in his place
For the rest we are a little merrier than usual Rex Gascoigne
you remember a head you admired among my sketches a fellow with a good
upper lip reading law has got some rooms in town now not far off us
and has had a neat sister upper lip also good staying with him the
last fortnight I have introduced them both to my mother and the girls
who have found out from Miss Gascoigne that she is cousin to your
Vandyke duchess I put the notes of exclamation to mark the surprise
that the information at first produced on my feeble understanding On
reflection I discovered that there was not the least ground for
surprise unless I had beforehand believed that nobody could be
anybodys cousin without my knowing it This sort of surprise I take
it depends on a liveliness of the spine with a more or less constant
nullity of brain There was a fellow I used to meet at Rome who was in
an effervescence of surprise at contact with the simplest information
Tell him what you would that you were fond of easy boots he would
always say »No are you« with the same energy of wonder the very
fellow of whom pastoral Browne wrote prophetically
»A wretch so empty that if eer there be
In nature found the least vacuity
Twill be in him«
I have accounted for it all he had a lively spine
However this cousinship with the duchess came out by chance one day
that Mirah was with them at home and they were talking about the
Mallingers Apropos I am getting so important that I have rival
invitations Gascoigne wants me to go down with him to his fathers
rectory in August and see the country round there But I think
selfinterest well understood will take me to Topping Abbey for Sir
Hugo has invited me and proposes God bless him for his rashness
that I should make a picture of his three daughters sitting on a bank
as he says in the Gainsborough style He came to my studio the other
day and recommended me to apply myself to portrait Of course I know
what that means »My good fellow your attempts at the historic and
poetic are simply pitiable Your brush is just that of a successful
portrait painter it has a little truth and a great facility in
falsehood your idealism will never do for gods and goddesses and
heroic story but it may fetch a high price as flattery Fate my
friend has made you the hinder wheel rota posterior curras et in axe
secundo run behind because you cant help it« What great effort it
evidently costs our friends to give us these candid opinions I have
even known a man take the trouble to call in order to tell me that I
had irretrievably exposed my want of judgment in treating my subject
and that if I had asked him he would have lent me his own judgment Such
was my ingratitude and my readiness at composition that even while he
was speaking I inwardly sketched a Last Judgment with that candid
friends physiognomy on the left But all this is away from Sir Hugo
whose manner of implying that ones gifts are not of the highest order
is so exceedingly goodnatured and comfortable that I begin to feel it
an advantage not to be among those poor fellows at the tip top And his
kindness to me tastes all the better because it comes out of his love
for you old boy His chat is uncommonly amusing By the way he told me
that your Vandyke duchess is gone with her husband yachting to the
Mediterranean I bethink me that it is possible to land from a yacht or
to be taken on to a yacht from the land Shall you by chance have an
opportunity of continuing your theological discussion with the fair
Supralapsarian I think you said her tenets were of that complexion Is
Duke Alphonso also theological perhaps an Arian who objects to
triplicity Stage direction While D is reading a profound scorn
gathers in his face till at the last word he flings down the letter
grasps his coat collar in a statuesque attitude and so remains with a
look generally tremendous throughout the following soliloquy »O night
O blackness etc etc«
Excuse the brevity of this letter You are not used to more from me
than a bare statement of facts without comment or digression One fact
I have omitted that the Klesmers on the eve of departure have behaved
magnificently shining forth as might be expected from the planets of
genius and fortune in conjunction Mirah is rich with their oriental
gifts
What luck it will be if you come back and present yourself at the
Abbey while I am there I am going to behave with consummate discretion
and win golden opinions But I shall run up to town now and then just
for a peep into Gan Eden You see how far I have got in Hebrew lore up
with my Lord Bolingbroke who knew no Hebrew but »understood that sort
of learning and what is writ about it« If Mirah commanded I would go
to a depth below the triliteral roots Already it makes no difference
to me whether the points are there or not But while her brothers life
lasts I suspect she would not listen to a lover even one whose »hair is
like a flock of goats on Mount Gilead« and I flatter myself that few
heads would bear that trying comparison better than mine So I stay with
my hope among the orchardblossoms Your devoted
HANS MEYRICK
Some months before this letter from Hans would have divided Derondas thoughts
irritatingly its romancing about Mirah would have had an unpleasant edge
scarcely anointed with any commiseration for his friends probable
disappointment But things had altered since March Mirah was no longer so
critically placed with regard to the Meyricks and Derondas own position had
been undergoing a change which had just been crowned by the revelation of his
birth The new opening towards the future though he would not trust in any
definite visions inevitably shed new lights and influenced his mood towards
past and present hence what Hans called his hope now seemed to Deronda not a
mischievous unreasonableness which roused his indignation but an unusually
persistent birddance of an extravagant fancy and he would have felt quite able
to pity any consequent suffering of his friends if he had believed in the
suffering as probable But some of the busy thought filling that long day which
passed without his receiving any new summons from his mother was given to the
argument that Hans Meyricks nature was not one in which love could strike the
deep roots that turn disappointment into sorrow it was too restless too
readily excitable by novelty too ready to turn itself into imaginative
material and wear its grief as a fantastic costume »Already he is beginning to
play at love he is taking the whole affair as a comedy« said Deronda to
himself »he knows very well that there is no chance for him Just like him
never opening his eyes on any possible objection I could have to receive his
outpourings about Mirah Poor old Hans If we were under a fiery hail together
he would howl like a Greek and if I did not howl too it would never occur to
him that I was as badly off as he And yet he is tenderhearted and affectionate
in intention and I cant say that he is not active in imagining what goes on in
other people but then he always imagines it to fit his own inclination«
With this touch of causticity Deronda got rid of the slight heat at present
raised by Hanss naïve expansiveness The nonsense about Gwendolen conveying
the fact that she was gone yachting with her husband only suggested a
disturbing sequel to his own strange parting with her But there was one
sentence in the letter which raised a more immediate active anxiety Hanss
suspicion of a hidden sadness in Mirah was not in the direction of his wishes
and hence instead of distrusting his observation here Deronda began to
conceive a cause for the sadness Was it some event that had occurred during his
absence or only the growing fear of some event Was it something perhaps
alterable in the new position which had been made for her Or had Mordecai
against his habitual resolve communicated to her those peculiar cherished hopes
about him Deronda and had her quickly sensitive nature been hurt by the
discovery that her brothers will or tenacity of visionary conviction had acted
coercively on their friendship been hurt by the fear that there was more of
pitying selfsuppression than of equal regard in Derondas relation to him For
amidst all Mirahs quiet renunciation the evident thirst of soul with which she
received the tribute of equality implied a corresponding pain if she found that
what she had taken for a purely reverential regard towards her brother had its
mixture of condescension
In this last conjecture of Derondas he was not wrong as to the quality in
Mirahs nature on which he was founding the latent protest against the
treatment she had all her life been subject to until she met him For that
gratitude which would not let her pass by any notice of their acquaintance
without insisting on the depth of her debt to him took half its fervour from
the keen comparison with what others had thought enough to render to her
Derondas affinity in feeling enabled him to penetrate such secrets But he was
not near the truth in admitting the idea that Mordecai had broken his
characteristic reticence To no soul but Deronda himself had he yet breathed the
history of their relation to each other or his confidence about his friends
origin it was not only that these subjects were for him too sacred to be spoken
of without weighty reason but that he had discerned Derondas shrinking at any
mention of his birth and the severity of reserve which had hindered Mordecai
from answering a question on a private affair of the Cohen family told yet more
strongly here
»Ezra how is it« Mirah one day said to him »I am continually going to
speak to Mr Deronda as if he were a Jew«
He smiled at her quietly and said »I suppose it is because he treats us as
if he were our brother But he loves not to have the difference of birth dwelt
upon«
»He has never lived with his parents Mr Hans says« continued Mirah to
whom this was necessarily a question of interest about every one for whom she
had a regard
»Seek not to know such things from Mr Hans« said Mordecai gravely laying
his hand on her curls as he was wont »What Daniel Deronda wishes us to know
about himself is for him to tell us«
And Mirah felt herself rebuked as Deronda had done But to be rebuked in
this way by Mordecai made her rather proud
»I see no one so great as my brother« she said to Mrs Meyrick one day that
she called at the Chelsea house on her way home and according to her hope
found the little mother alone »It is difficult to think that he belongs to the
same world as those people I used to live amongst I told you once that they
made life seem like a madhouse but when I am with Ezra he makes me feel that
his life is a great good though he has suffered so much not like me who
wanted to die because I had suffered a little and only for a little while His
soul is so full it is impossible for him to wish for death as I did I get the
same sort of feeling from him that I got yesterday when I was tired and came
home through the park after the sweet rain had fallen and the sunshine lay on
the grass and flowers Everything in the sky and under the sky looked so pure
and beautiful that the weariness and trouble and folly seemed only a small part
of what is and I became more patient and hopeful«
A dovelike note of melancholy in this speech caused Mrs Meyrick to look at
Mirah with new examination After laying down her hat and pushing her curls
flat with an air of fatigue she had placed herself on a chair opposite her
friend in her habitual attitude her feet and hands just crossed and at a
distance she might have seemed a coloured statue of serenity But Mrs Meyrick
discerned a new look of suppressed suffering in her face which corresponded to
the hint that to be patient and hopeful required some extra influence
»Is there any fresh trouble on your mind my dear« said Mrs Meyrick
giving up her needlework as a sign of concentrated attention
Mirah hesitated before she said »I am too ready to speak of troubles I
think It seems unkind to put anything painful into other peoples minds unless
one were sure it would hinder something worse And perhaps I am too hasty and
fearful«
»Oh my dear mothers are made to like pain and trouble for the sake of
their children Is it because the singing lessons are so few and are likely to
fall off when the season comes to an end Success in these things cant come all
at once« Mrs Meyrick did not believe that she was touching the real grief but
a guess that could be corrected would make an easier channel for confidence
»No not that« said Mirah shaking her head gently »I have been a little
disappointed because so many ladies said they wanted me to give them or their
daughters lessons and then I never heard of them again But perhaps after the
holidays I shall teach in some schools Besides you know I am as rich as a
princess now I have not touched the hundred pounds that Mrs Klesmer gave me
and I should never be afraid that Ezra would be in want of anything because
there is Mr Deronda and he said It is the chief honour of my life that your
brother will share anything with me Oh no Ezra and I can have no fears for
each other about such things as food and clothing«
»But there is some other fear on your mind« said Mrs Meyrick not without
divination »a fear of something that may disturb your peace Dont be
forecasting evil dear child unless it is what you can guard against Anxiety
is good for nothing if we cant turn it into a defence But theres no defence
against all the things that might be Have you any more reason for being anxious
now than you had a month ago«
»Yes I have« said Mirah »I have kept it from Ezra I have not dared to
tell him Pray forgive me that I cant do without telling you I have more
reason for being anxious It is five days ago now I am quite sure I saw my
father«
Mrs Meyrick shrank into smaller space packing her arms across her chest
and leaning forward to hinder herself from pelting that father with her worst
epithets
»The year has changed him« Mirah went on »He had already been much altered
and worn in the time before I left him You remember I said how he used
sometimes to cry He was always excited one way or the other I have told Ezra
everything that I told you and he says that my father had taken to gambling
which makes people easily distressed and then again exalted And now it was
only a moment that I saw him his face was more haggard and his clothes were
shabby He was with a much worselooking man who carried something and they
were hurrying along after an omnibus«
»Well child he did not see you I hope«
»No I had just come from Mrs Raymonds and I was waiting to cross near
the Marble Arch Soon he was on the omnibus and gone out of sight It was a
dreadful moment My old life seemed to have come back again and it was worse
than it had ever been before And I could not help feeling it a new deliverance
that he was gone out of sight without knowing that I was there And yet it hurt
me that I was feeling so it seemed hateful in me almost like words I once
had to speak in a play that I had warmed my hands in the blood of my kindred
For where might my father be going What may become of him And his having a
daughter who would own him in spite of all might have hindered the worst Is
there any pain like seeing what ought to be the best things in life turned into
the worst All those opposite feelings were meeting and pressing against each
other and took up all my strength No one could act that Acting is slow and
poor to what we go through within I dont know how I called a cab I only
remember that I was in it when I began to think I cannot tell Ezra he must not
know«
»You are afraid of grieving him« Mrs Meyrick asked when Mirah had paused
a little
»Yes and there is something more« said Mirah hesitatingly as if she
were examining her feeling before she would venture to speak of it »I want to
tell you I could not tell any one else I could not have told my own mother I
should have closed it up before her I feel shame for my father and it is
perhaps strange but the shame is greater before Ezra than before any one else
in the world He desired me to tell him all about my life and I obeyed him But
it is always like a smart to me to know that those things about my father are in
Ezras mind And can you believe it when the thought haunts me how it would
be if my father were to come and show himself before us both what seems as if
it would scorch me most is seeing my father shrinking before Ezra That is the
truth I dont know whether it is a right feeling But I cant help thinking
that I would rather try to maintain my father in secret and bear a great deal
in that way if I could hinder him from meeting my brother«
»You must not encourage that feeling Mirah« said Mrs Meyrick hastily
»It would be very dangerous it would be wrong You must not have concealments
of that sort«
»But ought I now to tell Ezra that I have seen my father« said Mirah with
deprecation in her tone
»No« Mrs Meyrick answered dubitatively »I dont know that it is
necessary to do that Your father may go away with the birds It is not clear
that he came after you you may never see him again And then your brother will
have been spared a useless anxiety But promise me that if your father sees you
gets hold of you in any way again you will let us all know Promise me that
solemnly Mirah I have a right to ask it«
Mirah reflected a little then leaned forward to put her hands in Mrs
Meyricks and said »Since you ask it I do promise I will bear this feeling
of shame I have been so long used to think that I must bear that sort of inward
pain But the shame for my father burns me more when I think of his meeting
Ezra« She was silent a moment or two and then said in a new tone of yearning
compassion »And we are his children and he was once young like us and my
mother loved him Oh I cannot help seeing it all close and it hurts me like a
cruelty«
Mirah shed no tears the discipline of her whole life had been against
indulgence in such manifestation which soon falls under the control of strong
motives but it seemed that the more intense expression of sorrow had entered
into her voice Mrs Meyrick with all her quickness and loving insight did not
quite understand that filial feeling in Mirah which had active roots deep below
her indignation for the worst offences She could conceive that a mother would
have a clinging pity and shame for a reprobate son but she was out of patience
with what she held an exaggerated susceptibility on behalf of this father whose
reappearance inclined her to wish him under the care of a turnkey Mirahs
promise however was some security against her weakness
That incident was the only reason that Mirah herself could have stated for
the hidden sadness which Hans had divined Of one element in her changed mood
she could have given no definite account it was something as dim as the sense
of approaching weatherchange and had extremely slight external promptings
such as we are often ashamed to find all we can allege in support of the busy
constructions that go on within us not only without effort but even against it
under the influence of any blind emotional stirring Perhaps the first leaven of
uneasiness was laid by Gwendolens behaviour on that visit which was entirely
superfluous as a means of engaging Mirah to sing and could have no other motive
than the excited and strange questioning about Deronda Mirah had instinctively
kept the visit a secret but the active remembrance of it had raised a new
susceptibility in her and made her alive as she had never been before to the
relations Deronda must have with that society which she herself was getting
frequent glimpses of without belonging to it Her peculiar life and education
had produced in her an extraordinary mixture of unworldliness with knowledge of
the worlds evil and even this knowledge was a strange blending of direct
observation with the effects of reading and theatrical study Her memory was
furnished with abundant passionate situation and intrigue which she never made
emotionally her own but felt a repelled aloofness from as she had done from
the actual life around her Some of that imaginative knowledge began now to
weave itself around Mrs Grandcourt and though Mirah would admit no position
likely to affect her reverence for Deronda she could not avoid a new painfully
vivid association of his general life with a world away from her own where
there might be some involvement of his feeling and action with a woman like
Gwendolen who was increasingly repugnant to her increasingly even after she
had ceased to see her for liking and disliking can grow in meditation as fast
as in the more immediate kind of presence Any disquietude consciously due to
the idea that Derondas deepest care might be for something remote not only from
herself but even from his friendship for her brother she would have checked
with rebuking questions What was she but one who had shared his generous
kindness with many others and his attachment to her brother was it not begun
late to be soon ended Other ties had come before and others would remain after
this had been cut by swiftcoming death But her uneasiness had not reached that
point of selfrecognition in which she would have been ashamed of it as an
indirect presumptuous claim on Derondas feeling That she or any one else
should think of him as her possible lover was a conception which had never
entered her mind indeed it was equally out of the question with Mrs Meyrick
and the girls who with Mirah herself regarded his intervention in her life as
something exceptional and were so impressed by his mission as her deliverer and
guardian that they would have held it an offence to hint at his holding any
other relation towards her a point of view which Hans also had readily adopted
It is a little hard upon some men that they appear to sink for us in becoming
lovers But precisely to this innocence of the Meyricks was owing the
disturbance of Mirahs unconsciousness The first occasion could hardly have
been more trivial but it prepared her emotive nature for a deeper effect from
what happened afterwards
It was when Anna Gascoigne visiting the Meyricks was led to speak of her
cousinship with Gwendolen The visit had been arranged that Anna might see
Mirah the three girls were at home with their mother and there was naturally a
flux of talk among six feminine creatures free from the presence of a
distorting male standard Anna Gascoigne felt herself much at home with the
Meyrick girls who knew what it was to have a brother and to be generally
regarded as of minor importance in the world and she had told Rex that she
thought the University very nice because brothers made friends there whose
families were not rich and grand and yet like the University were very nice
The Meyricks seemed to her almost alarmingly clever and she consulted them much
on the best mode of teaching Lotta confiding to them that she herself was the
least clever of her family Mirah had lately come in and there was a complete
bouquet of young faces round the teatable Hafiz seated a little aloft with
large eyes on the alert regarding the whole scene as an apparatus for supplying
his allowance of milk
»Think of our surprise Mirah« said Kate »We were speaking of Mr Deronda
and the Mallingers and it turns out that Miss Gascoigne knows them«
»I only know about them« said Anna a little flushed with excitement what
she had heard and now saw of the lovely Jewess being an almost startling novelty
to her »I have not even seen them But some months ago my cousin married Sir
Hugo Mallingers nephew Mr Grandcourt who lived in Sir Hugos place at
Diplow near us«
»There« exclaimed Mab clasping her hands »Something must come of that
Mrs Grandcourt the Vandyke duchess is your cousin«
»Oh yes I was her bridesmaid« said Anna »Her mamma and mine are sisters
My aunt was much richer before last year but then she and mamma lost all their
fortune Papa is a clergyman you know so it makes very little difference to
us except that we keep no carriage and have no dinnerparties and I like it
better But it was very sad for poor Aunt Davilow for she could not live with
us because she has four daughters besides Gwendolen but then when she married
Mr Grandcourt it did not signify so much because of his being so rich«
»Oh this finding out relationships is delightful«
said Mab »It is like a Chinese puzzle that one has to fit together I feel
sure something wonderful may be made of it but I cant tell what«
»Dear me Mab« said Amy »relationships must branch out The only
difference is that we happen to know some of the people concerned Such things
are going on every day«
»And pray Amy why do you insist on the number nine being so wonderful«
said Mab »I am sure that is happening every day Never mind Miss Gascoigne
please go on And Mr Deronda have you never seen Mr Deronda You must bring
him in«
»No I have not seen him« said Anna »but he was at Diplow before my cousin
was married and I have heard my aunt speaking of him to papa She said what you
have been saying about him only not so much I mean about Mr Deronda living
with Sir Hugo Mallinger and being so nice she thought We talk a great deal
about every one who comes near Pennicote because it is so seldom there is any
one new But I remember when I asked Gwendolen what she thought of Mr Deronda
she said Dont mention it Anna but I think his hair is dark That was her
droll way of answering she was always so lively It is really rather wonderful
that I should come to hear so much about him all through Mr Hans knowing Rex
and then my having the pleasure of knowing you« Anna ended looking at Mrs
Meyrick with a shy grace
»The pleasure is on our side too but the wonder would have been if you had
come to this house without hearing of Mr Deronda wouldnt it Mirah« said
Mrs Meyrick
Mirah smiled acquiescently but had nothing to say A confused discontent
took possession of her at the mingling of names and images to which she had been
listening
»My son calls Mrs Grandcourt the Vandyke duchess« continued Mrs Meyrick
turning again to Anna »he thinks her so striking and picturesque«
»Yes« said Anna »Gwendolen was always so beautiful people fell
dreadfully in love with her I thought it a pity because it made them unhappy«
»And how do you like Mr Grandcourt the happy lover« said Mrs Meyrick
who in her way was as much interested as Mab in the hints she had been hearing
of vicissitude in the life of a widow with daughters
»Papa approved of Gwendolens accepting him and my aunt says he is very
generous« said Anna beginning with a virtuous intention of repressing her own
sentiments but then unable to resist a rare occasion for speaking them freely
she went on »else I should have thought he was not very nice rather proud
and not at all lively like Gwendolen I should have thought some one younger
and more lively would have suited her better But perhaps having a brother who
seems to us better than any one makes us think worse of others«
»Wait till you see Mr Deronda« said Mab nodding significantly »Nobodys
brother will do after him«
»Our brothers must do for peoples husbands« said Kate curtly »because
they will not get Mr Deronda No woman will do for him to marry«
»No woman ought to want him to marry him« said Mab with indignation »I
never should Fancy finding out that he had a tailors bill and used
boothooks like Hans Who ever thought of his marrying«
»I have« said Kate »When I drew a wedding for a frontispiece to Hearts and
Diamonds I made a sort of likeness of him for the bridegroom and I went about
looking for a grand woman who would do for his countess but I saw none that
would not be poor creatures by the side of him«
»You should have seen this Mrs Grandcourt then« said Mrs Meyrick »Hans
says that she and Mr Deronda set each other off when they are side by side She
is tall and fair But you know her Mirah you can always say something
descriptive What do you think of Mrs Grandcourt«
»I think she is like the Princess of Eboli in Don Carlos« said Mirah with
a quick intensity She was pursuing an association in her own mind not
intelligible to her hearers an association with a certain actress as well as
the part she represented
»Your comparison is a riddle for me my dear« said Mrs Meyrick smiling
»You said that Mrs Grandcourt was tall and fair« continued Mirah slightly
paler »That is quite true«
Mrs Meyricks quick eye and ear detected something unusual but immediately
explained it to herself Fine ladies had often wounded Mirah by caprices of
manner and intention
»Mrs Grandcourt had thought of having lessons from Mirah« she said
turning to Anna »But many have talked of having lessons and then have found no
time Fashionable ladies have too much work to do«
And the chat went on without further insistance on the Princess of Eboli
That comparison escaped Mirahs lips under the urgency of a pang unlike anything
she had felt before The conversation from the beginning had revived unpleasant
impressions and Mrs Meyricks suggestion of Gwendolens figure by the side of
Derondas had the stinging effect of a voice outside her confirming her secret
conviction that this tall and fair woman had some hold on his lot For a long
while afterwards she felt as if she had had a jarring shock through her frame
In the evening putting her cheek against her brothers shoulder as she was
sitting by him while he sat propped up in bed under a new difficulty of
breathing she said
»Ezra does it ever hurt your love for Mr Deronda that so much of his life
was all hidden away from you that he is amongst persons and cares about
persons who are all so unlike us I mean unlike you«
»No assuredly no« said Mordecai »Rather it is a precious thought to me
that he has a preparation which I lacked and is an accomplished Egyptian«
Then recollecting that his words had a reference which his sister must not yet
understand he added »I have the more to give him since his treasure differs
from mine That is a blessedness in friendship«
Mirah mused a little
»Still« she said »it would be a trial to your love for him if that other
part of his life were like a crowd in which he had got entangled so that he was
carried away from you I mean in his thoughts and not merely carried out of
sight as he is now and not merely for a little while but continually How
should you bear that Our religion commands us to bear But how should you bear
it«
»Not well my sister not well but it will never happen« said Mordecai
looking at her with a tender smile He thought that her heart needed comfort on
his account
Mirah said no more She mused over the difference between her own state of
mind and her brothers and felt her comparative pettiness Why could she not be
completely satisfied with what satisfied his larger judgment She gave herself
no fuller reason than a painful sense of unfitness in what Airy possibilities
to which she could give no outline but to which one name and one figure gave
the wandering persistency of a blot in her vision Here lay the vaguer source of
the hidden sadness rendered noticeable to Hans by some diminution of that sweet
ease that ready joyousness of response in her speech and smile which had come
with the new sense of freedom and safety and had made her presence like the
freshlyopened daisies and clear birdnotes after the rain She herself regarded
her uneasiness as a sort of ingratitude and dulness of sensibility towards the
great things that had been given her in her new life and whenever she threw
more energy than usual into her singing it was the energy of indignation
against the shallowness of her own content In that mood she once said »Shall I
tell you what is the difference between you and me Ezra You are a spring in
the drought and I am an acorncup the waters of heaven fill me but the least
little shake leaves me empty«
»Why what has shaken thee« said Mordecai He fell into this antique form
of speech habitually in talking to his sister and to the Cohen children
»Thoughts« said Mirah »thoughts that come like the breeze and shake me
bad people wrong things misery and how they might touch our life«
»We must take our portion Mirah It is there On whose shoulder would we
lay it that we might be free«
The one voluntary sign that she made of her inward care was this distant
allusion
Chapter LIII
»My desolation does begin to make
A better life«
Shakespeare Antony and Cleopatra
Before Deronda was summoned to a second interview with his mother a day had
passed in which she had only sent him a message to say that she was not yet well
enough to receive him again but on the third morning he had a note saying »I
leave today Come and see me at once«
He was shown into the same room as before but it was much darkened with
blinds and curtains The Princess was not there but she presently entered
dressed in a loose wrap of some soft silk in colour a dusky orange her head
again with black lace floating about it her arms showing themselves bare from
under her wide sleeves Her face seemed even more impressive in the sombre
light the eyes larger the lines more vigorous You might have imagined her a
sorceress who would stretch forth her wonderful hand and arm to mix
youthpotions for others but scorned to mix them for herself having had enough
of youth
She put her arms on her sons shoulders at once and kissed him on both
cheeks then seated herself among her cushions with an air of assured firmness
and dignity unlike her fitfulness in their first interview and told Deronda to
sit down by her He obeyed saying »You are quite relieved now I trust«
»Yes I am at ease again Is there anything more that you would like to ask
me« she said with the manner of a queen rather than of a mother
»Can I find the house in Genoa where you used to live with my grandfather«
said Deronda
»No« she answered with a deprecating movement of her arm »it is pulled
down not to be found But about our family and where my father lived at
various times you will find all that among the papers in the chest better
than I can tell you My father I told you was a physician My mother was a
Morteira I used to hear all those things without listening You will find them
all I was born amongst them without my will I banished them as soon as I
could«
Deronda tried to hide his pained feeling and said »Anything else that I
should desire to know from you could only be what it is some satisfaction to
your own feeling to tell me«
»I think I have told you everything that could be demanded of me« said the
Princess looking coldly meditative It seemed as if she had exhausted her
emotion in their former interview The fact was she had said to herself »I
have done it all I have confessed all I will not go through it again I will
save myself from agitation« And she was acting out that theme
But to Derondas nature the moment was cruel it made the filial yearning of
his life a disappointed pilgrimage to a shrine where there were no longer the
symbols of sacredness It seemed that all the woman lacking in her was present
in him as he said with some tremor in his voice
»Then are we to part and I never be anything to you«
»It is better so« said the Princess in a softer mellower voice »There
could be nothing but hard duty for you even if it were possible for you to take
the place of my son You would not love me Dont deny it« she said abruptly
putting up her hand »I know what is the truth You dont like what I did You
are angry with me You think I robbed you of something You are on your
grandfathers side and you will always have a condemnation of me in your
heart«
Deronda felt himself under a ban of silence He rose from his seat by her
preferring to stand if he had to obey that imperious prohibition of any
tenderness But his mother now looked up at him with a new admiration in her
glance saying
»You are wrong to be angry with me You are the better for what I did«
After pausing a little she added abruptly »And now tell me what you shall
do«
»Do you mean now immediately« said Deronda »or as to the course of my
future life«
»I mean in the future What difference will it make to you that I have told
you about your birth«
»A very great difference« said Deronda emphatically »I can hardly think
of anything that would make a greater difference«
»What shall you do then« said the Princess with more sharpness »Make
yourself just like your grandfather be what he wished you turn yourself into
a Jew like him«
»That is impossible The effect of my education can never be done away with
The Christian sympathies in which my mind was reared can never die out of me«
said Deronda with increasing tenacity of tone »But I consider it my duty it
is the impulse of my feeling to identify myself as far as possible with my
hereditary people and if I can see any work to be done for them that I can give
my soul and hand to I shall choose to do it«
His mother had her eyes fixed on him with a wondering speculation examining
his face as if she thought that by close attention she could read a difficult
language there He bore her gaze very firmly sustained by a resolute
opposition which was the expression of his fullest self She bent towards him a
little and said with a decisive emphasis
»You are in love with a Jewess«
Deronda coloured and said »My reasons would be independent of any such
fact«
»I know better I have seen what men are« said the Princess peremptorily
»Tell me the truth She is a Jewess who will not accept any one but a Jew There
are a few such« she added with a touch of scorn
Deronda had that objection to answer which we all have known in speaking to
those who are too certain of their own fixed interpretations to be enlightened
by anything we may say But besides this the point immediately in question was
one on which he felt a repugnance either to deny or affirm He remained silent
and she presently said
»You love her as your father loved me and she draws you after her as I drew
him«
Those words touched Derondas filial imagination and some tenderness in his
glance was taken by his mother as an assent She went on with rising passion
»But I was leading him the other way And now your grandfather is getting his
revenge«
»Mother« said Deronda remonstrantly »dont let us think of it in that
way I will admit that there may come some benefit from the education you chose
for me I prefer cherishing the benefit with gratitude to dwelling with
resentment on the injury I think it would have been right that I should have
been brought up with the consciousness that I was a Jew but it must always have
been a good to me to have as wide an instruction and sympathy as possible And
now you have restored me my inheritance events have brought a fuller
restitution than you could have made you have been saved from robbing my
people of my service and me of my duty can you not bring your whole soul to
consent to this«
Deronda paused in his pleading his mother looked at him listeningly as if
the cadence of his voice were taking her ear yet she shook her head slowly He
began again even more urgently
»You have told me that you sought what you held the best for me open your
heart to relenting and love towards my grandfather who sought what he held the
best for you«
»Not for me no« she said shaking her head with more absolute denial and
folding her arms tightly »I tell you he never thought of his daughter except
as an instrument Because I had wants outside his purpose I was to be put in a
frame and tortured If that is the right law for the world I will not say that
I love it If my acts were wrong if it is God who is exacting from me that I
should deliver up what I withheld who is punishing me because I deceived my
father and did not warn him that I should contradict his trust well I have
told everything I have done what I could And your soul consents That is
enough I have after all been the instrument my father wanted I desire a
grandson who shall have a true Jewish heart Every Jew should rear his family as
if he hoped that a Deliverer might spring from it«
In uttering these last sentences the Princess narrowed her eyes waved her
head up and down and spoke slowly with a new kind of chestvoice as if she
were quoting unwillingly
»Were those my grandfathers words« said Deronda
»Yes yes and you will find them written I wanted to thwart him« said the
Princess with a sudden outburst of the passion she had shown in the former
interview Then she added more slowly »You would have me love what I have hated
from the time I was so high« here she held her left hand a yard from the
floor »That can never be But what does it matter His yoke has been on me
whether I loved it or not You are the grandson he wanted You speak as men do
as if you felt yourself wise What does it all mean«
Her tone was abrupt and scornful Deronda in his pained feeling and under
the solemn urgency of the moment had to keep a clutching remembrance of their
relationship lest his words should become cruel He began in a deep entreating
tone
»Mother dont say that I feel myself wise We are set in the midst of
difficulties I see no other way to get any clearness than by being truthful
not by keeping back facts which may which should carry obligation within them
which should make the only guidance towards duty Ho wonder if such facts come
to reveal themselves in spite of concealments The effects prepared by
generations are likely to triumph over a contrivance which would bend them all
to the satisfaction of self Your will was strong but my grandfathers trust
which you accepted and did not fulfil what you call his yoke is the
expression of something stronger with deeper fartherspreading roots knit
into the foundations of sacredness for all men You renounced me you still
banish me as a son« there was an involuntary movement of indignation in
Derondas voice »But that stronger Something has determined that I shall be
all the more the grandson whom also you willed to annihilate«
His mother was watching him fixedly and again her face gathered admiration
After a moments silence she said in a low persuasive tone
»Sit down again« and he obeyed placing himself beside her She laid her
hand on his shoulder and went on
»You rebuke me Well I am the loser And you are angry because I banish
you What could you do for me but weary your own patience Your mother is a
shattered woman My sense of life is little more than a sense of what was
except when the pain is present You reproach me that I parted with you I had
joy enough without you then Now you are come back to me and I cannot make you
a joy Have you the cursing spirit of the Jew in you Are you not able to
forgive me Shall you be glad to think that I am punished because I was not a
Jewish mother to you«
»How can you ask me that« said Deronda remonstrantly »Have I not besought
you that I might now at least be a son to you My grief is that you have
declared me helpless to comfort you I would give up much that is dear for the
sake of soothing your anguish«
»You shall give up nothing« said his mother with the hurry of agitation
»You shall be happy You shall let me think of you as happy I shall have done
you no harm You have no reason to curse me You shall feel for me as they feel
for the dead whom they say prayers for you shall long that I may be freed from
all suffering from all punishment And I shall see you instead of always
seeing your grandfather Will any harm come to me because I broke his trust in
the daylight after he was gone into darkness I cannot tell if you think
Kaddish will help me say it say it You will come between me and the dead
When I am in your mind you will look as you do now always as if you were a
tender son always as if I had been a tender mother«
She seemed resolved that her agitation should not conquer her but he felt
her hand trembling on his shoulder Deep deep compassion hemmed in all words
With a face of beseeching he put his arm round her and pressed her head tenderly
under his They sat so for some moments Then she lifted her head again and rose
from her seat with a great sigh as if in that breath she were dismissing a
weight of thoughts Deronda standing in front of her felt that the parting was
near But one of her swift alternations had come upon his mother
»Is she beautiful« she said abruptly
»Who« said Deronda changing colour
»The woman you love«
It was not a moment for deliberate explanation He was obliged to say
»Yes«
»Not ambitious«
»No I think not«
»Not one who must have a path of her own«
»I think her nature is not given to make great claims«
»She is not like that« said the Princess taking from her wallet a
miniature with jewels round it and holding it before her son It was her own in
all the fire of youth and as Deronda looked at it with admiring sadness she
said »Had I not a rightful claim to be something more than a mere daughter and
mother The voice and the genius matched the face Whatever else was wrong
acknowledge that I had a right to be an artist though my fathers will was
against it My nature gave me a charter«
»I do acknowledge that« said Deronda looking from the miniature to her
face which even in its worn pallor had an expression of living force beyond
anything that the pencil could show
»Will you take the portrait« said the Princess more gently »If she is a
kind woman teach her to think of me kindly«
»I shall be grateful for the portrait« said Deronda »but I ought to say
I have no assurance that she whom I love will have any love for me I have kept
silence«
»Who and what is she« said the mother The question seemed a command
»She was brought up as a singer for the stage« said Deronda with inward
reluctance »Her father took her away early from her mother and her life has
been unhappy She is very young only twenty Her father wished to bring her up
in disregard even in dislike of her Jewish origin but she has clung with all
her affection to the memory of her mother and the fellowship of her people«
»Ah like you She is attached to the Judaism she knows nothing of« said
the Princess peremptorily »That is poetry fit to last through an opera
night Is she fond of her artists life is her singing worth anything«
»Her singing is exquisite But her voice is not suited to the stage I think
that the artists life has been made repugnant to her«
»Why she is made for you then Sir Hugo said you were bitterly against
being a singer and I can see that you would never have let yourself be merged
in a wife as your father was«
»I repeat« said Deronda emphatically »I repeat that I have no assurance
of her love for me of the possibility that we can ever be united Other things
painful issues may lie before me I have always felt that I should prepare
myself to renounce not cherish that prospect But I suppose I might feel so of
happiness in general Whether it may come or not one should try and prepare
ones self to do without it«
»Do you feel in that way« said his mother laying her hands on his
shoulders and perusing his face while she spoke in a low meditative tone
pausing between her sentences »Poor boy I wonder how it would have been if
I had kept you with me whether you would have turned your heart to the old
things against mine and we should have quarrelled your grandfather
would have been in you and you would have hampered my life with your young
growth from the old root«
»I think my affection might have lasted through all our quarrelling« said
Deronda saddened more and more »and that would not have hampered surely it
would have enriched your life«
»Not then not then I did not want it then I might have been glad of
it now« said the mother with a bitter melancholy »if I could have been glad
of anything«
»But you love your other children and they love you« said Deronda
anxiously
»Oh yes« she answered as to a question about a matter of course while she
folded her arms again »But« she added in a deeper tone »I am not a
loving woman That is the truth It is a talent to love I lacked it Others
have loved me and I have acted their love I know very well what love makes of
men and women it is subjection It takes another for a larger self enclosing
this one« she pointed to her own bosom »I was never willingly subject to any
man Men have been subject to me«
»Perhaps the man who was subject was the happier of the two« said Deronda
not with a smile but with a grave sad sense of his mothers privation
»Perhaps but I was happy for a few years I was happy If I had not been
afraid of defeat and failure I might have gone on I miscalculated What then
It is all over Another life Men talk of another life as if it only began on
the other side of the grave I have long entered on another life« With the last
words she raised her arms till they were bare to the elbow her brow was
contracted in one deep fold her eyes were closed her voice was smothered in
her dusky flamecoloured garment she looked like a dreamed visitant from some
region of departed mortals
Derondas feeling was wrought to a pitch of acuteness in which he was no
longer quite master of himself He gave an audible sob His mother opening her
eyes and letting her hands again rest on his shoulders said
»Goodbye my son goodbye We shall hear no more of each other Kiss me«
He clasped his arms round her neck and they kissed each other
Deronda did not know how he got out of the room He felt an older man All
his boyish yearnings and anxieties about his mother had vanished He had gone
through a tragic experience which must for ever solemnise his life and deepen
the significance of the acts by which he bound himself to others
Chapter LIV
»The unwilling brain
Feigns often what it would not and we trust
Imagination with such phantasies
As the tongue dares not fashion into words
Which have no words their horror makes them dim
To the minds eye«
Shelley
Madonna Pia whose husband feeling himself injured by her took her to his
castle amid the swampy flats of the Maremma and got rid of her there makes a
pathetic figure in Dantes Purgatory among the sinners who repented at the last
and desire to be remembered compassionately by their fellowcountrymen We know
little about the grounds of mutual discontent between the Siennese couple but
we may infer with some confidence that the husband had never been a very
delightful companion and that on the flats of the Maremma his disagreeable
manners had a background which threw them out remarkably whence in his desire
to punish his wife to the uttermost the nature of things was so far against him
that in relieving himself of her he could not avoid making the relief mutual
And thus without any hardness to the poor Tuscan lady who had her deliverance
long ago one may feel warranted in thinking of her with a less sympathetic
interest than of the better known Gwendolen who instead of being delivered from
her errors on earth and cleansed from their effect in purgatory is at the very
height of her entanglement in those fatal meshes which are woven within more
closely than without and often make the inward torture disproportionate to what
is discernible as outward cause
In taking his wife with him on a yachting expedition Grandcourt had no
intention to get rid of her on the contrary he wanted to feel more securely
that she was his to do as he liked with and to make her feel it also Moreover
he was himself very fond of yachting its dreamy donothing absolutism
unmolested by social demands suited his disposition and he did not in the
least regard it as an equivalent for the dreariness of the Maremma He had his
reasons for carrying Gwendolen out of reach but they were not reasons that can
seem black in the mere statement He suspected a growing spirit of opposition in
her and his feeling about the sentimental inclination she betrayed for Deronda
was what in another man he would have called jealousy In himself it seemed
merely a resolution to put an end to such foolery as must have been going on in
that prearranged visit of Derondas which he had divined and interrupted
And Grandcourt might have pleaded that he was perfectly justified in taking
care that his wife should fulfil the obligations she had accepted Her marriage
was a contract where all the ostensible advantages were on her side and it was
only one of those advantages that her husband should use his power to hinder her
from any injurious selfcommittal or unsuitable behaviour He knew quite well
that she had not married him had not overcome her repugnance to certain facts
out of love to him personally he had won her by the rank and luxuries he had
to give her and these she had got he had fulfilled his side of the contract
And Gwendolen we know was thoroughly aware of the situation She could not
excuse herself by saying that there had been a tacit part of the contract on her
side namely that she meant to rule and have her own way With all her early
indulgence in the disposition to dominate she was not one of the narrowbrained
women who through life regard all their own selfish demands as rights and every
claim upon themselves as an injury She had a root of conscience in her and the
process of purgatory had begun for her on the green earth she knew that she had
been wrong
But now enter into the soul of this young creature as she found herself
with the blue Mediterranean dividing her from the world on the tiny
plankisland of a yacht the domain of the husband to whom she felt that she had
sold herself and had been paid the strict price nay paid more than she had
dared to ask in the handsome maintenance of her mother the husband to whom
she had sold her truthfulness and sense of justice so that he held them
throttled into silence collared and dragged behind him to witness what he
would without remonstrance
What had she to complain of The yacht was of the prettiest the cabin
fitted up to perfection smelling of cedar softcushioned hung with silk
expanded with mirrors the crew such as suited an elegant toy one of them
having even ringlets as well as a bronze complexion and fine teeth and Mr
Lush was not there for he had taken his way back to England as soon as he had
seen all and everything on board Moreover Gwendolen herself liked the sea it
did not make her ill and to observe the rigging of the vessel and forecast the
necessary adjustments was a sort of amusement that might have gratified her
activity and enjoyment of imaginary rule the weather was fine and they were
coasting southward where even the rainfurrowed heatcracked clay becomes
gemlike with purple shadows and where one may float between blue and blue in
an openeyed dream that the world has done with sorrow
But what can still that hunger of the heart which sickens the eye for
beauty and makes sweetscented ease an oppression What sort of Moslem paradise
would quiet the terrible fury of moral repulsion and cowed resistance which
like an eating pain intensifying into torture concentrates the mind in that
poisonous misery While Gwendolen throned on her cushions at evening and
beholding the glory of sea and sky softening as if with boundless love around
her was hoping that Grandcourt in his march up and down was not going to pause
near her not going to look at her or speak to her some woman under a smoky
sky obliged to consider the price of eggs in arranging her dinner was
listening for the music of a footstep that would remove all risk from her
foretaste of joy some couple bending cheek by cheek over a bit of work done
by the one and delighted in by the other were reckoning the earnings that would
make them rich enough for a holiday among the furze and heather
Had Grandcourt the least conception of what was going on in the breast of
this wife He conceived that she did not love him but was that necessary She
was under his power and he was not accustomed to soothe himself as some
cheerfullydisposed persons are with the conviction that he was very generally
and justly beloved But what lay quite away from his conception was that she
could have any special repulsion for him personally How could she He himself
knew what personal repulsion was nobody better his mind was much furnished
with a sense of what brutes his fellowcreatures were both masculine and
feminine what odious familiarities they had what smirks what modes of
flourishing their handkerchiefs what costume what lavender water what bulging
eyes and what foolish notions of making themselves agreeable by remarks which
were not wanted In this critical view of mankind there was an affinity between
him and Gwendolen before their marriage and we know that she had been
attractingly wrought upon by the refined negations he presented to her Hence he
understood her repulsion for Lush But how was he to understand or conceive her
present repulsion for Henleigh Grandcourt Some men bring themselves to believe
and not merely maintain the nonexistence of an external world a few others
believe themselves objects of repulsion to a woman without being told so in
plain language But Grandcourt did not belong to this eccentric body of
thinkers He had all his life had reason to take a flattering view of his own
attractiveness and to place himself in fine antithesis to the men who he saw
at once must be revolting to a woman of taste He had no idea of a moral
repulsion and could not have believed if he had been told it that there may
be a resentment and disgust which will gradually make beauty more detestable
than ugliness through exasperation at that outward virtue in which hateful
things can flaunt themselves or find a supercilious advantage
How then could Grandcourt divine what was going on in Gwendolens breast
For their behaviour to each other scandalised no observer not even the
foreign maid warranted against seasickness nor Grandcourts own experienced
valet still less the picturesque crew who regarded them as a model couple in
high life Their companionship consisted chiefly in a wellbred silence
Grandcourt had no humorous observations at which Gwendolen could refuse to
smile no chitchat to make small occasions of dispute He was perfectly polite
in arranging an additional garment over her when needful and in handing her any
object that he perceived her to need and she could not fall into the vulgarity
of accepting or rejecting such politeness rudely
Grandcourt put up his telescope and said »Theres a plantation of
sugarcanes at the foot of that rock should you like to look«
Gwendolen said »Yes please« remembering that she must try and interest
herself in sugarcanes as something outside her personal affairs Then
Grandcourt would walk up and down and smoke for a long while pausing
occasionally to point out a sail on the horizon and at last would seat himself
and look at Gwendolen with his narrow immovable gaze as if she were part of
the complete yacht while she conscious of being looked at was exerting her
ingenuity not to meet his eyes At dinner he would remark that the fruit was
getting stale and they must put in somewhere for more or observing that she
did not drink the wine he asked her if she would like any other kind better A
lady was obliged to respond to these things suitably and even if she had not
shrunk from quarrelling on other grounds quarrelling with Grandcourt was
impossible she might as well have made angry remarks to a dangerous serpent
ornamentally coiled in her cabin without invitation And what sort of dispute
could a woman of any pride and dignity begin on a yacht
Grandcourt had an intense satisfaction in leading his wife captive after
this fashion it gave their life on a small scale a royal representation and
publicity in which everything familiar was got rid of and everybody must do
what was expected of them whatever might be their private protest the protest
kept strictly private adding to the piquancy of despotism
To Gwendolen who even in the freedom of her maiden time had had very faint
glimpses of any heroism or sublimity the medium that now thrust itself
everywhere before her view was this husband and her relation to him The beings
closest to us whether in love or hate are often virtually our interpreters of
the world and some featherheaded gentleman or lady whom in passing we regret
to take as legal tender for a human being may be acting as a melancholy theory
of life in the minds of those who live with them like a piece of yellow and
wavy glass that distorts form and makes colour an affliction Their trivial
sentences their petty standards their low suspicions their loveless ennui
may be making somebody elses life no better than a promenade through a pantheon
of ugly idols Gwendolen had that kind of window before her affecting the
distant equally with the near Some unhappy wives are soothed by the possibility
that they may become mothers but Gwendolen felt that to desire a child for
herself would have been a consenting to the completion of the injury she had
been guilty of She was reduced to dread lest she should become a mother It was
not the image of a new sweetlybudding life that came as a vision of deliverance
from the monotony of distaste it was an image of another sort In the
irritable fluctuating stages of despair gleams of hope came in the form of
some possible accident To dwell on the benignity of accident was a refuge from
worse temptation
The embitterment of hatred is often as unaccountable to onlookers as the
growth of devoted love and it not only seems but is really out of direct
relation with any outward causes to be alleged Passion is of the nature of
seed and finds nourishment within tending to a predominance which determines
all currents towards itself and makes the whole life its tributary And the
intensest form of hatred is that rooted in fear which compels to silence and
drives vehemence into a constructive vindictiveness an imaginary annihilation
of the detested object something like the hidden rites of vengeance with which
the persecuted have made a dark vent for their rage and soothed their suffering
into dumbness Such hidden rites went on in the secrecy of Gwendolens mind but
not with soothing effect rather with the effect of a struggling terror Side
by side with the dread of her husband had grown the selfdread which urged her
to flee from the pursuing images wrought by her pentup impulse The vision of
her past wrongdoing and what it had brought on her came with a pale ghastly
illumination over every imagined deed that was a rash effort at freedom such as
she had made in her marriage Moreover she had learned to see all her acts
through the impression they would make on Deronda whatever relief might come to
her she could not sever it from the judgment of her that would be created in
his mind Not one word of flattery of indulgence of dependence on her favour
could be fastened on by her in all their intercourse to weaken his restraining
power over her in this way Derondas effort over himself was repaid and amid
the dreary uncertainties of her spoiled life the possible remedies that lay in
his mind nay the remedy that lay in her feeling for him made her only hope
He seemed to her a terriblebrowed angel from whom she could not think of
concealing any deed so as to win an ignorant regard from him it belonged to the
nature of their relation that she should be truthful for his power over her had
begun in the raising of a selfdiscontent which could be satisfied only by
genuine change But in no concealment had she now any confidence her vision of
what she had to dread took more decidedly than ever the form of some fiercely
impulsive deed committed as in a dream that she would instantaneously wake from
to find the effects real though the images had been false to find death under
her hands but instead of darkness daylight instead of satisfied hatred the
dismay of guilt instead of freedom the palsy of a new terror a white dead
face from which she was for ever trying to flee and for ever held back She
remembered Derondas words they were continually recurring in her thought
»Turn your fear into a safeguard Keep your dread fixed on the idea of
increasing your remorse Take your fear as a safeguard It is like
quickness of hearing It may make consequences passionately present to you«
And so it was In Gwendolens consciousness Temptation and Dread met and
stared like two pale phantoms each seeing itself in the other each obstructed
by its own image and all the while her fuller self beheld the apparitions and
sobbed for deliverance from them
Inarticulate prayers no more definite than a cry often swept out from her
into the vast silence unbroken except by her husbands breathing or the plash
of the wave or the creaking of the masts but if ever she thought of definite
help it took the form of Derondas presence and words of the sympathy he might
have for her of the direction he might give her It was sometimes after a
whitelipped fierceeyed temptation with murdering fingers had made its
demonvisit that these best moments of inward crying and clinging for rescue
would come to her and she would lie with wideopen eyes in which the rising
tears seemed a blessing and the thought »I will not mind if I can keep from
getting wicked« seemed an answer to the indefinite prayer
So the days passed taking them with light breezes beyond and about the
Balearic Isles and then to Sardinia and then with gentle change persuading
them northward again towards Corsica But this floating gentlywafted
existence with its apparently peaceful influences was becoming as bad as a
nightmare to Gwendolen
»How long are we to be yachting« she ventured to ask one day after they had
been touching at Ajaccio and the mere fact of change in going ashore had given
her a relief from some of the thoughts which seemed now to cling about the very
rigging of the vessel mix with the air in the red silk cabin below and make
the smell of the sea odious
»What else should we do« said Grandcourt »Im not tired of it I dont see
why we shouldnt stay out any length of time Theres less to bore one in this
way And where would you go to Im sick of foreign places And we shall have
enough of Ryelands Would you rather be at Ryelands«
»Oh no« said Gwendolen indifferently finding all places alike undesirable
as soon as she imagined herself and her husband in them »I only wondered how
long you would like this«
»I like yachting longer than I like anything else« said Grandcourt »and I
had none last year I suppose you are beginning to tire of it Women are so
confoundedly whimsical They expect everything to give way to them«
»Oh dear no« said Gwendolen letting out her scorn in a flutelike tone
»I never expect you to give way«
»Why should I« said Grandcourt with his inward voice looking at her and
then choosing an orange for they were at table
She made up her mind to a length of yachting that she could not see beyond
but the next day after a squall which had made her rather ill for the first
time he came down to her and said
»Theres been the devils own work in the night The skipper says we shall
have to stay at Genoa for a week while things are set right«
»Do you mind that« said Gwendolen who lay looking very white amidst her
white drapery
»I should think so Who wants to be broiling at Genoa«
»It will be a change« said Gwendolen made a little incautious by her
languor
»I dont want any change Besides the place is intolerable and one cant
move along the roads I shall go out in a boat as I used to do and manage it
myself One can get rid of a few hours every day in that way instead of stiving
in a damnable hotel«
Here was a prospect which held hope in it Gwendolen thought of hours when
she would be alone since Grandcourt would not want to take her in the said
boat and in her exultation at this unlookedfor relief she had wild
contradictory fancies of what she might do with her freedom that »running
away« which she had already innumerable times seen to be a worse evil than any
actual endurance now finding new arguments as an escape from her worse self
Also visionary relief on a par with the fancy of a prisoner that the night wind
may blow down the wall of his prison and save him from desperate devices
insinuated itself as a better alternative lawful to wish for
The fresh current of expectation revived her energies and enabled her to
take all things with an air of cheerfulness and alacrity that made a change
marked enough to be noticed by her husband She watched through the evening
lights to the sinking of the moon with less of awed loneliness than was habitual
to her nay with a vague impression that in this mighty frame of things there
might be some preparation of rescue for her Why not since the weather had
just been on her side This possibility of hoping after her long fluctuation
amid fears was like a first return of hunger to the longlanguishing patient
She was waked the next morning by the casting of the anchor in the port of
Genoa waked from a strangelymixed dream in which she felt herself escaping
over the Mont Cenis and wondering to find it warmer even in the moonlight on
the snow till suddenly she met Deronda who told her to go back
In an hour or so from that dream she actually met Deronda But it was on the
palatial staircase of the Italia where she was feeling warm in her light
woollen dress and straw hat and her husband was by her side
There was a start of surprise in Deronda before he could raise his hat and
pass on The moment did not seem to favour any closer greeting and the
circumstances under which they had last parted made him doubtful whether
Grandcourt would be civilly inclined to him
The doubt might certainly have been changed into a disagreeable certainty
for Grandcourt on this unaccountable appearance of Deronda at Genoa of all
places immediately tried to conceive how there could have been an arrangement
between him and Gwendolen It is true that before they were well in their rooms
he had seen how difficult it was to shape such an arrangement with any
probability being too coolheaded to find it at once easily credible that
Gwendolen had not only while in London hastened to inform Deronda of the
yachting project but had posted a letter to him from Marseilles or Barcelona
advising him to travel to Genoa in time for the chance of meeting her there or
of receiving a letter from her telling of some other destination all which
must have implied a miraculous foreknowledge in her and in Deronda a birdlike
facility in flying about and perching idly Still he was there and though
Grandcourt would not make a fool of himself by fabrications that others might
call preposterous he was not for all that disposed to admit fully that
Derondas presence was so far as Gwendolen was concerned a mere accident It was
a disgusting fact that was enough and no doubt she was well pleased A man out
of temper does not wait for proofs before feeling towards all things animate and
inanimate as if they were in a conspiracy against him but at once thrashes his
horse or kicks his dog in consequence Grandcourt felt towards Gwendolen and
Deronda as if he knew them to be in a conspiracy against him and here was an
event in league with them What he took for clearly certain and so far he
divined the truth was that Gwendolen was now counting on an interview with
Deronda whenever her husbands back was turned
As he sat taking his coffee at a convenient angle for observing her he
discerned something which he felt sure was the effect of a secret delight some
fresh ease in moving and speaking some peculiar meaning in her eyes whatever
she looked on Certainly her troubles had not marred her beauty Mrs Grandcourt
was handsomer than Gwendolen Harleth her grace and expression were informed by
a greater variety of inward experience giving new play to her features new
attitudes in movement and repose her whole person and air had the nameless
something which often makes a woman more interesting after marriage than before
less confident that all things are according to her opinion and yet with less
of deerlike shyness more fully a human being
This morning the benefits of the voyage seemed to be suddenly revealing
themselves in a new elasticity of mien As she rose from the table and put her
two heavilyjewelled hands on each side of her neck according to her wont she
had no art to conceal that sort of joyous expectation which makes the present
more bearable than usual just as when a man means to go out he finds it easier
to be amiable to the family for a quarter of an hour beforehand It is not
impossible that a terrier whose pleasure was concerned would perceive those
amiable signs and know their meaning know why his master stood in a peculiar
way talked with alacrity and even had a peculiar gleam in his eye so that on
the least movement towards the door the terrier would scuttle to be in time
And in dog fashion Grandcourt discerned the signs of Gwendolens expectation
interpreting them with the narrow correctness which leaves a world of unknown
feeling behind
»A just ring please and tell Gibbs to order some dinner for us at
three« said Grandcourt as he too rose took out a cigar and then stretched
his hand towards the hat that lay near »Im going to send Angus to find me a
little sailingboat for us to go out in one that I can manage with you at the
tiller Its uncommonly pleasant these fine evenings the least boring of
anything we can do«
Gwendolen turned cold there was not only the cruel disappointment there
was the immediate conviction that her husband had determined to take her because
he would not leave her out of his sight and probably this dual solitude in a
boat was the more attractive to him because it would be wearisome to her They
were not on the plankisland she felt it the more possible to begin a contest
But the gleaming content had died out of her There was a change in her like
that of a glacier after sunset
»I would rather not go in the boat« she said »Take some one else with
you«
»Very well if you dont go I shall not go« said Grandcourt »We shall
stay suffocating here thats all«
»I cant bear going in a boat« said Gwendolen angrily
»That is a sudden change« said Grandcourt with a slight sneer »But since
you decline we shall stay indoors«
He laid down his hat again lit his cigar and walked up and down the room
pausing now and then to look out of the windows Gwendolens temper told her to
persist She knew very well now that Grandcourt would not go without her but if
he must tyrannise over her he should not do it precisely in the way he would
choose She would oblige him to stay in the hotel Without speaking again she
passed into the adjoining bedroom and threw herself into a chair with her
anger seeing no purpose or issue only feeling that the wave of evil had
rushed back upon her and dragged her away from her momentary breathingplace
Presently Grandcourt came in with his hat on but threw it off and sat down
sideways on a chair nearly in front of her saying in his superficial drawl
»Have you come round yet or do you find it agreeable to be out of temper
You make things uncommonly pleasant for me«
»Why do you want to make them unpleasant for me« said Gwendolen getting
helpless again and feeling the hot tears rise
»Now will you be good enough to say what it is you have to complain of«
said Grandcourt looking into her eyes and using his most inward voice »Is it
that I stay indoors when you stay«
She could give no answer The sort of truth that made any excuse for her
anger could not be uttered In the conflict of despair and humiliation she began
to sob and the tears rolled down her cheeks a form of agitation which she had
never shown before in her husbands presence
»I hope this is useful« said Grandcourt after a moment or two »All I can
say is its most confoundedly unpleasant What the devil women can see in this
kind of thing I dont know You see something to be got by it of course All I
can see is that we shall be shut up here when we might have been having a
pleasant sail«
»Let us go then« said Gwendolen impetuously »Perhaps we shall be
drowned« She began to sob again
This extraordinary behaviour which had evidently some relation to Deronda
gave more definiteness to Grandcourts conclusions He drew his chair quite
close in front of her and said in a low tone »Just be quiet and listen will
you«
There seemed to be a magical effect in this close vicinity Gwendolen shrank
and ceased to sob She kept her eyelids down and clasped her hands tightly
»Let us understand each other« said Grandcourt in the same tone »I know
very well what this nonsense means But if you suppose I am going to let you
make a fool of me just dismiss that notion from your mind What are you looking
forward to if you cant behave properly as my wife There is disgrace for you
if you like to have it but I dont know anything else and as to Deronda its
quite clear that he hangs back from you«
»It is all false« said Gwendolen bitterly »You dont in the least imagine
what is in my mind I have seen enough of the disgrace that comes in that way
And you had better leave me at liberty to speak with any one I like It would be
better for you«
»You will allow me to judge of that« said Grandcourt rising and moving to
a little distance towards the window but standing there playing with his
whiskers as if he were awaiting something
Gwendolens words had so clear and tremendous a meaning for herself that
she thought they must have expressed it to Grandcourt and had no sooner uttered
them than she dreaded their effect But his soul was garrisoned against
presentiments and fears he had the courage and confidence that belong to
domination and he was at that moment feeling perfectly satisfied that he held
his wife with bit and bridle By the time they had been married a year she would
cease to be restive He continued standing with his air of indifference till
she felt her habitual stifling consciousness of having an immovable obstruction
in her life like the nightmare of beholding a single form that serves to arrest
all passage though the wide country lies open
»What decision have you come to« he said presently looking at her »What
orders shall I give«
»Oh let us go« said Gwendolen The walls had begun to be an imprisonment
and while there was breath in this man he would have the mastery over her His
words had the power of thumbscrews and the cold touch of the rack To resist
was to act like a stupid animal unable to measure results
So the boat was ordered She even went down to the quay again with him to
see it before midday Grandcourt had recovered perfect quietude of temper and
had a scornful satisfaction in the attention given by the nautical groups to the
milord owner of the handsome yacht which had just put in for repairs and who
being an Englishman was naturally so at home on the sea that he could manage a
sail with the same ease that he could manage a horse The sort of exultation he
had discerned in Gwendolen this morning she now thought that she discerned in
him and it was true that he had set his mind on this boating and carried out
his purpose as something that people might not expect him to do with the
gratified impulse of a strong will which had nothing better to exert itself
upon He had remarkable physical courage and was proud of it or rather he had
a great contempt for the coarser bulkier men who generally had less Moreover
he was ruling that Gwendolen should go with him
And when they came down again at five oclock equipped for their boating
the scene was as good as a theatrical representation for all beholders This
handsome fairskinned English couple manifesting the usual eccentricity of
their nation both of them proud pale and calm without a smile on their
faces moving like creatures who were fulfilling a supernatural destiny it was
a thing to go out and see a thing to paint The husbands chest back and
arms showed very well in his closefitting dress and the wife was declared to
be like a statue
Some suggestions were proffered concerning a possible change in the breeze
and the necessary care in putting about but Grandcourts manner made the
speakers understand that they were too officious and that he knew better than
they
Gwendolen keeping her impassible air as they moved away from the strand
felt her imagination obstinately at work She was not afraid of any outward
dangers she was afraid of her own wishes which were taking shapes possible
and impossible like a cloud of demonfaces She was afraid of her own hatred
which under the cold iron touch that had compelled her today had gathered a
fierce intensity As she sat guiding the tiller under her husbands eyes doing
just what he told her the strife within her seemed like her own effort to
escape from herself She clung to the thought of Deronda she persuaded herself
that he would not go away while she was there he knew that she needed help
The sense that he was there would save her from acting out the evil within And
yet quick quick came images plans of evil that would come again and seize her
in the night like furies preparing the deed that they would straightway avenge
They were taken out of the port and carried eastward by a gentle breeze
Some clouds tempered the sunlight and the hour was always deepening towards the
supreme beauty of evening Sails larger and smaller changed their aspect like
sensitive things and made a cheerful companionship alternately near and far
The grand city shone more vaguely the mountains looked out above it and there
was stillness as in an island sanctuary Yet suddenly Gwendolen let her hands
fall and said in a scarcely audible tone »God help me«
»What is the matter« said Grandcourt not distinguishing the words
»Oh nothing« said Gwendolen rousing herself from her momentary
forgetfulness and resuming the ropes
»Dont you find this pleasant« said Grandcourt
»Very«
»You admit now we couldnt have done anything better«
»No I see nothing better I think we shall go on always like the Flying
Dutchman« said Gwendolen wildly
Grandcourt gave her one of his narrow examining glances and then said »If
you like we can go to Spezia in the morning and let them take us up there«
»No I shall like nothing better than this«
»Very well well do the same tomorrow But we must be turning in soon I
shall put about«
Chapter LV
»Ritorna a tua scienza
Che vuol quanto la cosa è più perfetta
Più senta il bene e così la doglienza«
Dante
When Deronda met Gwendolen and Grandcourt on the staircase his mind was
seriously preoccupied He had just been summoned to the second interview with
his mother
In two hours after his parting from her he knew that the Princess
HalmEberstein had left the hotel and so far as the purpose of his journey to
Genoa was concerned he might himself have set off on his way to Mainz to
deliver the letter from Joseph Kalonymos and get possession of the family
chest But mixed mental conditions which did not resolve themselves into
definite reasons hindered him from departure Long after the farewell he was
kept passive by a weight of retrospective feeling He lived again with the new
keenness of emotive memory through the exciting scenes which seemed past only
in the sense of preparation for their actual presence in his soul He allowed
himself in his solitude to sob with perhaps more than a womans acuteness of
compassion over that womans life so near to his and yet so remote He beheld
the world changed for him by the certitude of ties that altered the poise of
hopes and fears and gave him a new sense of fellowship as if under cover of
the night he had joined the wrong band of wanderers and found with the rise of
morning that the tents of his kindred were grouped far off He had a quivering
imaginative sense of close relation to the grandfather who had been animated by
strong impulses and beloved thoughts which were now perhaps being roused from
their slumber within himself And through all this passionate meditation
Mordecai and Mirah were always present as beings who clasped hands with him in
sympathetic silence
Of such quick responsive fibre was Deronda made under that mantle of
selfcontrolled reserve into which early experience had thrown so much of his
young strength
When the persistent ringing of a bell as a signal reminded him of the hour
he thought of looking into Bradshaw and making the brief necessary preparations
for starting by the next train thought of it but made no movement in
consequence Wishes went to Mainz and what he was to get possession of there
to London and the beings there who made the strongest attachments of his life
but there were other wishes that clung in these moments to Genoa and they kept
him where he was by that force which urges us to linger over an interview that
carries a presentiment of final farewell or of overshadowing sorrow Deronda
did not formally say »I will stay over tonight because it is Friday and I
should like to go to the evening service at the synagogue where they must all
have gone and besides I may see the Grandcourts again« But simply instead of
packing and ringing for his bill he sat doing nothing at all while his mind
went to the synagogue and saw faces there probably little different from those
of his grandfathers time and heard the SpanishHebrew liturgy which had lasted
through the seasons of wandering generations like a plant with wandering seed
that gives the faroff lands a kinship to the exiles home while also his
mind went towards Gwendolen with anxious remembrance of what had been and with
a halfadmitted impression that it would be hardness in him willingly to go away
at once without making some effort in spite of Grandcourts probable dislike
to manifest the continuance of his sympathy with her since their abrupt parting
In this state of mind he deferred departure ate his dinner without sense of
flavour rose from it quickly to find the synagogue and in passing the porter
asked if Mr and Mrs Grandcourt were still in the hotel and what was the
number of their apartment The porter gave him the number but added that they
were gone out boating That information had somehow power enough over Deronda to
divide his thoughts with the memories wakened among the sparse talithim and keen
dark faces of worshippers whose way of taking awful prayers and invocations with
the easy familiarity which might be called Hebrew dyed Italian made him reflect
that his grandfather according to the Princesss hints of his character must
have been almost as exceptional a Jew as Mordecai But were not men of ardent
zeal and farreaching hope everywhere exceptional the men who had the visions
which as Mordecai said were the creators and feeders of the world moulding
and feeding the more passive life which without them would dwindle and shrivel
into the narrow tenacity of insects unshaken by thoughts beyond the reaches of
their antennæ Something of a mournful impatience perhaps added itself to the
solicitude about Gwendolen a solicitude that had room to grow in his present
release from immediate cares as an incitement to hasten from the synagogue and
choose to take his evening walk towards the quay always a favourite haunt with
him and just now attractive with the possibility that he might be in time to
see the Grandcourts come in from their boating In this case he resolved that
he would advance to greet them deliberately and ignore any grounds that the
husband might have for wishing him elsewhere
The sun had set behind a bank of cloud and only a faint yellow light was
giving its farewell kisses to the waves which were agitated by an active
breeze Deronda sauntering slowly within sight of what took place on the
strand observed the groups there concentrating their attention on a sailing
boat which was advancing swiftly landward being rowed by two men Amidst the
clamorous talk in various languages Deronda held it the surer means of getting
information not to ask questions but to elbow his way to the foreground and be
an unobstructed witness of what was occurring Telescopes were being used and
loud statements made that the boat held somebody who had been drowned One said
it was the milord who had gone out in a sailing boat another maintained that
the prostrate figure he discerned was miladi a Frenchman who had no glass would
rather say that it was milord who had probably taken his wife out to drown her
according to the national practice a remark which an English skipper
immediately commented on in our native idiom as nonsense which had undergone
a mining operation and further dismissed by the decision that the reclining
figure was a woman For Deronda terribly excited by fluctuating fears the
strokes of the oars as he watched them were divided by swift visions of events
possible and impossible which might have brought about this issue or this
brokenoff fragment of an issue with a worse half undisclosed if this woman
apparently snatched from the waters were really Mrs Grandcourt
But soon there was no longer any doubt the boat was being pulled to land
and he saw Gwendolen half raising herself on her hands by her own effort under
her heavy covering of tarpaulin and peajackets pale as one of the sheeted
dead shivering with wet hair streaming a wild amazed consciousness in her
eyes as if she had waked up in a world where some judgment was impending and
the beings she saw around were coming to seize her The first rower who jumped
to land was also wet through and ran off the sailors close about the boat
hindered Deronda from advancing and he could only look on while Gwendolen gave
scared glances and seemed to shrink with terror as she was carefully tenderly
helped out and led on by the strong arms of those rough bronzed men her wet
clothes clinging about her limbs and adding to the impediment of her weakness
Suddenly her wandering eyes fell on Deronda standing before her and
immediately as if she had been expecting him and looking for him she tried to
stretch out her arms which were held back by her supporters saying in a
muffled voice
»It is come it is come He is dead«
»Hush hush« said Deronda in a tone of authority »quiet yourself« Then
to the men who were assisting her »I am a connection of this ladys husband If
you will get her on to the Italia as quickly as possible I will undertake
everything else«
He stayed behind to hear from the remaining boatman that her husband had
gone down irrecoverably and that his boat was left floating empty He and his
comrade had heard a cry had come up in time to see the lady jump in after her
husband and had got her out fast enough to save her from much damage
After this Deronda hastened to the hotel to assure himself that the best
medical help would be provided and being satisfied on this point he
telegraphed the event to Sir Hugo begging him to come forthwith and also to
Mr Gascoigne whose address at the Rectory made his nearest known way of
getting the information to Gwendolens mother Certain words of Gwendolens in
the past had come back to him with the effectiveness of an inspiration in
moments of agitated confession she had spoken of her mothers presence as a
possible help if she could have had it
Chapter LVI
»The pang the curse with which they died
Had never passed away
I could not draw my eyes from theirs
Nor lift them up to pray«
Coleridge
Deronda did not take off his clothes that night Gwendolen after insisting on
seeing him again before she would consent to be undrest had been perfectly
quiet and had only asked him with a whispering repressed eagerness to
promise that he would come to her when she sent for him in the morning Still
the possibility that a change might come over her the danger of a supervening
feverish condition and the suspicion that something in the late catastrophe was
having an effect which might betray itself in excited words acted as a
foreboding within him He mentioned to her attendant that he should keep himself
ready to be called if there were any alarming change of symptoms making it
understood by all concerned that he was in communication with her friends in
England and felt bound meanwhile to take all care on her behalf a position
which it was the easier for him to assume because he was well known to
Grandcourts valet the only old servant who had come on the late voyage
But when fatigue from the strangely various emotion of the day at last sent
Deronda to sleep he remained undisturbed except by the morning dreams which
came as a tangled web of yesterdays events and finally waked him with an image
drawn by his pressing anxiety
Still it was morning and there had been no summons an augury which
cheered him while he made his toilet and reflected that it was too early to
send inquiries Later he learned that she had passed a too wakeful night but
had shown no violent signs of agitation and was at last sleeping He wondered
at the force that dwelt in this creature so alive to dread for he had an
irresistible impression that even under the effects of a severe physical shock
she was mastering herself with a determination of concealment For his own part
he thought that his sensibilities had been blunted by what he had been going
through in the meeting with his mother he seemed to himself now to be only
fulfilling claims and his more passionate sympathy was in abeyance He had
lately been living so keenly in an experience quite apart from Gwendolens lot
that his present cares for her were like a revisiting of scenes familiar in the
past and there was not yet a complete revival of the inward response to them
Meanwhile he employed himself in getting a formal legallyrecognised
statement from the fishermen who had rescued Gwendolen Few details came to
light The boat in which Grandcourt had gone out had been found drifting with
its sail loose and had been towed in The fishermen thought it likely that he
had been knocked overboard by the flapping of the sail while putting about and
that he had not known how to swim but though they were near their attention
had been first arrested by a cry which seemed like that of a man in distress
and while they were hastening with their oars they heard a shriek from the
lady and saw her jump in
On reentering the hotel Deronda was told that Gwendolen had risen and was
desiring to see him He was shown into a room darkened by blinds and curtains
where she was seated with a white shawl wrapped round her looking towards the
opening door like one waiting uneasily But her long hair was gathered up and
coiled carefully and through all the blue stars in her ears had kept their
place as she started impulsively to her full height sheathed in her white
shawl her face and neck not less white except for a purple line under her
eyes her lips a little apart with the peculiar expression of one accused and
helpless she looked like the unhappy ghost of that Gwendolen Harleth whom
Deronda had seen turning with firm lips and proud selfpossession from her
losses at the gamingtable The sight pierced him with pity and the effects of
all their past relation began to revive within him
»I beseech you to rest not to stand« said Deronda as he approached her
and she obeyed falling back into her chair again
»Will you sit down near me« she said »I want to speak very low«
She was in a large armchair and he drew a small one near to her side The
action seemed to touch her peculiarly turning her pale face full upon his
which was very near she said in the lowest audible tone »You know I am a
guilty woman«
Deronda himself turned paler as he said »I know nothing« He did not dare
to say more
»He is dead« She uttered this with the same undertoned decision
»Yes« said Deronda in a mournful suspense which made him reluctant to
speak
»His face will not be seen above the water again« said Gwendolen in a tone
that was not louder but of a suppressed eagerness while she held both her
hands clenched
»No«
»Not by any one else only by me a dead face I shall never get away
from it«
It was with an inward voice of desperate selfrepression that she spoke
these last words while she looked away from Deronda towards something at a
distance from her on the floor Was she seeing the whole event her own acts
included through an exaggerating medium of excitement and horror Was she in a
state of delirium into which there entered a sense of concealment and necessity
for selfrepression Such thoughts glanced through Deronda as a sort of hope
But imagine the conflict of feeling that kept him silent She was bent on
confession and he dreaded hearing her confession Against his better will he
shrank from the task that was laid on him he wished and yet rebuked the wish
as cowardly that she could bury her secrets in her own bosom He was not a
priest He dreaded the weight of this womans soul flung upon his own with
imploring dependence But she spoke again hurriedly looking at him
»You will not say that I ought to tell the world you will not say that I
ought to be disgraced I could not do it I could not bear it I cannot have my
mother know Not if I were dead I could not have her know I must tell you but
you will not say that any one else should know«
»I can say nothing in my ignorance« said Deronda mournfully »except that
I desire to help you«
»I told you from the beginning as soon as I could I told you I was
afraid of myself« There was a piteous pleading in the low murmur to which
Deronda turned his ear only Her face afflicted him too much »I felt a hatred
in me that was always working like an evil spirit contriving things
Everything I could do to free myself came into my mind and it got worse all
things got worse That was why I asked you to come to me in town I thought then
I would tell you the worst about myself I tried But I could not tell
everything And he came in«
She paused while a shudder passed through her but soon went on
»I will tell you everything now Do you think a woman who cried and prayed
and struggled to be saved from herself could be a murderess«
»Great God« said Deronda in a deep shaken voice »dont torture me
needlessly You have not murdered him You threw yourself into the water with
the impulse to save him Tell me the rest afterwards This death was an accident
that you could not have hindered«
»Dont be impatient with me« The tremor the childlike beseeching in these
words compelled Deronda to turn his head and look at her face The poor
quivering lips went on »You said you used to say you felt more for those
who had done something wicked and were miserable you said they might get better
they might be scourged into something better If you had not spoken in that
way everything would have been worse I did remember all you said to me It
came to me always It came to me at the very last that was the reason why I
But now if you cannot bear with me when I tell you everything if you turn
away from me and forsake me what shall I do Am I worse than I was when you
found me and wanted to make me better All the wrong I have done was in me then
and more and more if you had not come and been patient with me And now
will you forsake me«
Her hands which had been so tightly clenched some minutes before were now
helplessly relaxed and trembling on the arm of her chair Her quivering lips
remained parted as she ceased speaking Deronda could not answer he was obliged
to look away He took one of her hands and clasped it as if they were going to
walk together like two children it was the only way in which he could answer
»I will not forsake you« And all the while he felt as if he were putting his
name to a blank paper which might be filled up terribly Their attitude his
averted face with its expression of a suffering which he was solemnly resolved
to undergo might have told half the truth of the situation to a beholder who
had suddenly entered
That grasp was an entirely new experience to Gwendolen she had never before
had from any man a sign of tenderness which her own being had needed and she
interpreted its powerful effect on her into a promise of inexhaustible patience
and constancy The stream of renewed strength made it possible for her to go on
as she had begun with that fitful wandering confession where the sameness of
experience seems to nullify the sense of time or of order in events She began
again in a fragmentary way
»All sorts of contrivances in my mind but all so difficult And I fought
against them I was terrified at them I saw his dead face« here her voice
sank almost to a whisper close to Derondas ear »ever so long ago I saw it
and I wished him to be dead And yet it terrified me I was like two creatures
I could not speak I wanted to kill it was as strong as thirst and then
directly I felt beforehand I had done something dreadful unalterable that
would make me like an evil spirit And it came it came«
She was silent a moment or two as if her memory had lost itself in a web
where each mesh drew all the rest
»It had all been in my mind when I first spoke to you when we were at the
Abbey I had done something then I could not tell you that It was the only
thing I did towards carrying out my thoughts They went about over everything
but they all remained like dreadful dreams all but one I did one act and I
never undid it it is there still as long ago as when we were at Ryelands
There it was something my fingers longed for among the beautiful toys in the
cabinet in my boudoir small and sharp like a long willow leaf in a silver
sheath I locked it in the drawer of my dressingcase I was continually haunted
with it and how I should use it I fancied myself putting it under my pillow
But I never did I never looked at it again I dared not unlock the drawer it
had a key all to itself and not long ago when we were in the yacht I dropped
the key into the deep water It was my wish to drop it and deliver myself After
that I began to think how I could open the drawer without the key and when I
found we were to stay at Genoa it came into my mind that I could get it opened
privately at the hotel But then when we were going up the stairs I met you
and I thought I should talk to you alone and tell you this everything I could
not tell you in town and then I was forced to go out in the boat«
A sob had for the first time risen with the last words and she sank back in
her chair The memory of that acute disappointment seemed for the moment to
efface what had come since Deronda did not look at her but he said
insistently »And it has all remained in your imagination It has gone on only
in your thought To the last the evil temptation has been resisted«
There was silence The tears had rolled down her cheeks She pressed her
handkerchief against them and sat upright She was summoning her resolution and
again leaning a little towards Derondas ear she began in a whisper
»No no I will tell you everything as God knows it I will tell you no
falsehood I will tell you the exact truth What should I do else I used to
think I could never be wicked I thought of wicked people as if they were a long
way off me Since then I have been wicked I have felt wicked And everything
has been a punishment to me all the things I used to wish for it is as if
they had been made redhot The very daylight has often been a punishment to me
Because you know I ought not to have married That was the beginning of it
I wronged some one else I broke my promise I meant to get pleasure for myself
and it all turned to misery I wanted to make my gain out of anothers loss
you remember it was like roulette and the money burnt into me And I could
not complain It was as if I had prayed that another should lose and I should
win And I had won I knew it all I knew I was guilty When we were on the
sea and I lay awake at night in the cabin I sometimes felt that everything I
had done lay open without excuse nothing was hidden how could anything be
known to me only it was not my own knowledge it was Gods that had entered
into me and even the stillness everything held a punishment for me
everything but you I always thought that you would not want me to be punished
you would have tried and helped me to be better And only thinking of that
helped me You will not change you will not want to punish me now«
Again a sob had risen
»God forbid« groaned Deronda But he sat motionless
This long wandering with the poor consciencestricken one over her past was
difficult to bear but he dared not again urge her with a question He must let
her mind follow its own need She unconsciously left intervals in her
retrospect not clearly distinguishing between what she said and what she had
only an inward vision of Her next words came after such an interval
»That all made it so hard when I was forced to go in the boat Because when
I saw you it was an unexpected joy and I thought I could tell you everything
about the lockedup drawer and what I had not told you before And if I had told
you and knew it was in your mind it would have less power over me I hoped and
trusted in that For after all my struggles and my crying the hatred and rage
the temptation that frightened me the longing the thirst for what I dreaded
always came back And that disappointment when I was quite shut out from
speaking to you and I was driven to go in the boat brought all the evil back
as if I had been locked in a prison with it and no escape Oh it seems so long
ago now since I stepped into that boat I could have given up everything in that
moment to have the forked lightning for a weapon to strike him dead«
Some of the compressed fierceness that she was recalling seemed to find its
way into her undertoned utterance After a little silence she said with
agitated hurry
»If he were here again what should I do I cannot wish him here and yet I
cannot bear his dead face I was a coward I ought to have borne contempt I
ought to have gone away gone and wandered like a beggar rather than stay to
feel like a fiend But turn where I would there was something I could not bear
Sometimes I thought he would kill me if I resisted his will But now his dead
face is there and I cannot bear it«
Suddenly loosing Derondas hand she started up stretching her arms to
their full length upward and said with a sort of moan
»I have been a cruel woman What can I do but cry for help I am sinking
Die die you are forsaken go down go down into darkness Forsaken no
pity I shall be forsaken«
She sank in her chair again and broke into sobs Even Deronda had no place
in her consciousness at that moment He was completely unmanned Instead of
finding as he had imagined that his late experience had dulled his
susceptibility to fresh emotion it seemed that the lot of this young creature
whose swift travel from her bright rash girlhood into this agony of remorse he
had had to behold in helplessness pierced him the deeper because it came close
upon another sad revelation of spiritual conflict he was in one of those
moments when the very anguish of passionate pity makes us ready to choose that
we will know pleasure no more and live only for the stricken and afflicted He
had risen from his seat while he watched that terrible outburst which seemed
the more awful to him because even in this supreme agitation she kept the
suppressed voice of one who confesses in secret At last he felt impelled to
turn his back towards her and walk to a distance
But presently there was stillness Her mind had opened to the sense that he
had gone away from her When Deronda turned round to approach her again he saw
her face bent towards him her eyes dilated her lips parted She was an image
of timid forlorn beseeching too timid to entreat in words while he kept
himself aloof from her Was she forsaken by him now already But his eyes
met hers sorrowfully met hers for the first time fully since she had said
»You know I am a guilty woman« and that full glance in its intense mournfulness
seemed to say »I know it but I shall all the less forsake you« He sat down by
her side again in the same attitude without turning his face towards her and
without again taking her hand
Once more Gwendolen was pierced as she had been by his face of sorrow at
the Abbey with a compunction less egoistic than that which urged her to
confess and she said in a tone of loving regret
»I make you very unhappy«
Deronda gave an indistinct »Oh« just shrinking together and changing his
attitude a little Then he had gathered resolution enough to say clearly »There
is no question of being happy or unhappy What I most desire at this moment is
what will most help you Tell me all you feel it a relief to tell«
Devoted as these words were they widened his spiritual distance from her
and she felt it more difficult to speak she had a vague need of getting nearer
to that compassion which seemed to be regarding her from a halo of superiority
and the need turned into an impulse to humble herself more She was ready to
throw herself on her knees before him but no her wonderfully mixed
consciousness held checks on that impulse and she was kept silent and
motionless by the pressure of opposing needs Her stillness made Deronda at last
say
»Perhaps you are too weary Shall I go away and come again whenever you
wish it«
»No no« said Gwendolen the dread of his leaving her bringing back her
power of speech She went on with her lowtoned eagerness »I want to tell you
what it was that came over me in that boat I was full of rage at being obliged
to go full of rage and I could do nothing but sit there like a galleyslave
And then we got away out of the port into the deep and everything was
still and we never looked at each other only he spoke to order me and the
very light about me seemed to hold me a prisoner and force me to sit as I did
It came over me that when I was a child I used to fancy sailing away into a
world where people were not forced to live with any one they did not like I
did not like my fatherinlaw to come home And now I thought just the
opposite had come to me I had stept into a boat and my life was a sailing and
sailing away gliding on and no help always into solitude with him away from
deliverance And because I felt more helpless than ever my thoughts went out
over worse things I longed for worse things I had cruel wishes I fancied
impossible ways of I did not want to die myself I was afraid of our being
drowned together If it had been any use I should have prayed I should have
prayed that something might befall him I should have prayed that he might sink
out of my sight and leave me alone I knew no way of killing him there but I
did I did kill him in my thoughts«
She sank into silence for a minute submerged by the weight of memory which
no words could represent
»But yet all the while I felt that I was getting more wicked And what had
been with me so much came to me just then what you once said about dreading
to increase my wrongdoing and my remorse I should hope for nothing then It
was all like a writing of fire within me Getting wicked was misery being shut
out for ever from knowing what you what better lives were That had always
been coming back to me in the midst of bad thoughts it came back to me then
but yet with a despair a feeling that it was no use evil wishes were too
strong I remember then letting go the tiller and saying God help me But then I
was forced to take it again and go on and the evil longings the evil prayers
came again and blotted everything else dim till in the midst of them I dont
know how it was he was turning the sail there was a gust he was struck I
know nothing I only know that I saw my wish outside me«
She began to speak more hurriedly and in more of a whisper
»I saw him sink and my heart gave a leap as if it were going out of me I
think I did not move I kept my hands tight It was long enough for me to be
glad and yet to think it was no use he would come up again And he was come
farther off the boat had moved It was all like lightning The rope he called
out in a voice not his own I hear it now and I stooped for the rope I
felt I must I felt sure he could swim and he would come back whether or not
and I dreaded him That was in my mind he would come back But he was gone
down again and I had the rope in my hand no there he was again his face
above the water and he cried again and I held my hand and my heart said
Die and he sank and I felt It is done I am wicked I am lost and I had
the rope in my hand I dont know what I thought I was leaping away from
myself I would have saved him then I was leaping from my crime and there it
was close to me as I fell there was the dead face dead dead It can never
be altered That was what happened That was what I did You know it all It can
never be altered«
She sank back in her chair exhausted with the agitation of memory and
speech Deronda felt the burden on his spirit less heavy than the foregoing
dread The word »guilty« had held a possibility of interpretations worse than
the fact and Gwendolens confession for the very reason that her conscience
made her dwell on the determining power of her evil thoughts convinced him the
more that there had been throughout a counterbalancing struggle of her better
will It seemed almost certain that her murderous thought had had no outward
effect that quite apart from it the death was inevitable Still a question
as to the outward effectiveness of a criminal desire dominant enough to impel
even a momentary act cannot alter our judgment of the desire and Deronda
shrank from putting that question forward in the first instance He held it
likely that Gwendolens remorse aggravated her inward guilt and that she gave
the character of decisive action to what had been an inappreciably instantaneous
glance of desire But her remorse was the precious sign of a recoverable nature
it was the culmination of that selfdisapproval which had been the awakening of
a new life within her it marked her off from the criminals whose only regret is
failure in securing their evil wish Deronda could not utter one word to
diminish that sacred aversion to her worst self that thornpressure which must
come with the crowning of the sorrowful Better suffering because of the Worse
All this mingled thought and feeling kept him silent speech was too momentous
to be ventured on rashly There were no words of comfort that did not carry some
sacrilege If he had opened his lips to speak he could only have echoed »It
can never be altered it remains unaltered to alter other things« But he was
silent and motionless he did not know how long before he turned to look at
her and saw her sunk back with closed eyes like a lost weary stormbeaten
white doe unable to rise and pursue its unguided way He rose and stood before
her The movement touched her consciousness and she opened her eyes with a
slight quivering that seemed like fear
»You must rest now Try to rest try to sleep And may I see you again this
evening tomorrow when you have had some rest Let us say no more now«
The tears came and she could not answer except by a slight movement of the
head Deronda rang for attendance spoke urgently of the necessity that she
should be got to rest and then left her
Chapter LVII
»The unripe grape the ripe and the dried All things are changes
not into nothing but into that which is not at present«
Marcus Aurelius
Deeds are the pulse of Time his beating life
And righteous or unrighteous being done
Must throb in afterthrobs till Time itself
Be laid in stillness and the universe
Quiver and breathe upon no mirror mor
In the evening she sent for him again It was already near the hour at which she
had been brought in from the sea the evening before and the light was subdued
enough with blinds drawn up and windows open She was seated gazing fixedly on
the sea resting her cheek on her hand looking lees shattered than when he had
left her but with a deep melancholy in her expression which as Deronda
approached her passed into an anxious timidity She did not put out her hand
but said »How long ago it is« Then »Will you sit near me again a little
while«
He placed himself by her side as he had done before and seeing that she
turned to him with that indefinable expression which implies a wish to say
something he waited for her to speak But again she looked towards the window
silently and again turned with the same expression which yet did not issue in
speech There was some fear hindering her and Deronda wishing to relieve her
timidity averted his face Presently he heard her cry imploringly
»You will not say that any one else should know«
»Most decidedly not« said Deronda »There is no action that ought to be
taken in consequence There is no injury that could be righted in that way
There is no retribution that any mortal could apportion justly«
She was so still during a pause that she seemed to be holding her breath
before she said
»But if I had not had that murderous will that moment if I had thrown
the rope on the instant perhaps it would have hindered death«
»No I think not« said Deronda slowly »If it were true that he could
swim he must have been seized with cramp With your quickest utmost effort it
seems impossible that you could have done anything to save him That momentary
murderous will cannot I think have altered the course of events Its effect is
confined to the motives in your own breast Within ourselves our evil will is
momentous and sooner or later it works its way outside us it may be in the
vitiation that breeds evil acts but also it may be in the selfabhorrence that
stings us into better striving«
»I am saved from robbing others there are others they will have
everything they will have what they ought to have I knew that some time
before I left town You do not suspect me of wrong desires about those things«
She spoke hesitatingly
»I had not thought of them« said Deronda »I was thinking too much of the
other things«
»Perhaps you dont quite know the beginning of it all« said Gwendolen
slowly as if she were overcoming her reluctance »There was some one else he
ought to have married And I knew it and I told her I would not hinder it And
I went away that was when you first saw me But then we became poor all at
once and I was very miserable and I was tempted I thought I shall do as I
like and make everything right I persuaded myself And it was all different It
was all dreadful Then came hatred and wicked thoughts That was how it all
came I told you I was afraid of myself And I did what you told me I did try
to make my fear a safeguard I thought of what would be if I I felt what
would come how I should dread the morning wishing it would be always night
and yet in the darkness always seeing something seeing death If you did not
know how miserable I was you might but now it has all been no use I can
care for nothing but saving the rest from knowing poor mamma who has never
been happy«
There was silence again before she said with a repressed sob »You cannot
bear to look at me any more You think I am too wicked You do not believe that
I can become any better worth anything worthy enough I shall always be too
wicked to « The voice broke off helpless
Derondas heart was pierced He turned his eyes on her poor beseeching face
and said »I believe that you may become worthier than you have ever yet been
worthy to lead a life that may be a blessing No evil dooms us hopelessly except
the evil we love and desire to continue in and make no effort to escape from
You have made efforts you will go on making them«
»But you were the beginning of them You must not forsake me« said
Gwendolen leaning with her clasped hands on the arm of her chair and looking at
him while her face bore piteous traces of the lifeexperience concentrated in
the twentyfour hours that new terrible life lying on the other side of the
deed which fulfils a criminal desire »I will bear any penance I will lead any
life you tell me But you must not forsake me You must be near If you had been
near me if I could have said everything to you I should have been different
You will not forsake me«
»It could never be my impulse to forsake you« said Deronda promptly with
that voice which like his eyes had the unintentional effect of making his
ready sympathy seem more personal and special than it really was And in that
moment he was not himself quite free from a foreboding of some such
selfcommitting effect His strong feeling for this stricken creature could not
hinder rushing images of future difficulty He continued to meet her appealing
eyes as he spoke but it was with the painful consciousness that to her ear his
words might carry a promise which one day would seem unfulfilled he was making
an indefinite promise to an indefinite hope Anxieties both immediate and
distant crowded on his thought and it was under their influence that after a
moments silence he said
»I expect Sir Hugo Mallinger to arrive by tomorrow night at least and I am
not without hope that Mrs Davilow may shortly follow him Her presence will be
the greatest comfort to you it will give you a motive to save her from
unnecessary pain«
»Yes yes I will try And you will not go away«
»Not till after Sir Hugo has come«
»But we shall all go to England«
»As soon as possible« said Deronda not wishing to enter into particulars
Gwendolen looked towards the window again with an expression which seemed
like a gradual awakening to new thoughts The twilight was perceptibly
deepening but Deronda could see a movement in her eyes and hands such as
accompanies a return of perception in one who has been stunned
»You will always be with Sir Hugo now« she said presently looking at him
»You will always live at the Abbey or else at Diplow«
»I am quite uncertain where I shall live« said Deronda colouring
She was warned by his changed colour that she had spoken too rashly and
fell silent After a little while she began again looking away
»It is impossible to think how my life will go on I think now it would be
better for me to be poor and obliged to work«
»New promptings will come as the days pass When you are among your friends
again you will discern new duties« said Deronda »Make it a task now to get as
well and calm as much like yourself as you can before « He hesitated
»Before my mother comes« said Gwendolen »Ah I must be changed I have not
looked at myself Should you have known me« she added turning towards him »if
you had met me now should you have known me for the one you saw at Leubronn«
»Yes I should have known you« said Deronda mournfully »The outside
change is not great I should have seen at once that it was you and that you
had gone through some great sorrow«
»Dont wish now that you had never seen me dont wish that« said
Gwendolen imploringly while the tears gathered
»I should despise myself for wishing it« said Deronda »How could I know
what I was wishing We must find our duties in what comes to us not in what we
imagine might have been If I took to foolish wishing of that sort I should
wish not that I had never seen you but that I had been able to save you from
this«
»You have saved me from worse« said Gwendolen in a sobbing voice »I
should have been worse if it had not been for you If you had not been good I
should have been more wicked than I am«
»It will be better for me to go now« said Deronda worn in spirit by the
perpetual strain of this scene »Remember what we said of your task to get
well and calm before other friends come«
He rose as he spoke and she gave him her hand submissively But when he had
left her she sank on her knees in hysterical crying The distance between them
was too great She was a banished soul beholding a possible life which she had
sinned herself away from
She was found in this way crushed on the floor Such grief seemed natural
in a poor lady whose husband had been drowned in her presence
Book VIII
Fruit and Seed
Chapter LVIII
»Much adoe there was God wot
He wold love and she wold not«
Nicholas Breton
Extension we know is a very imperfect measure of things and the length of the
suns journeying can no more tell us how far life has advanced than the acreage
of a field can tell us what growths may be active within it A man may go south
and stumbling over a bone may meditate upon it till he has found a new
startingpoint for anatomy or eastward and discover a new key to language
telling a new story of races or he may head an expedition that opens new
continental pathways get himself maimed in body and go through a whole heroic
poem of resolve and endurance and at the end of a few months he may come back
to find his neighbours grumbling at the same parish grievance as before or to
see the same elderly gentleman treading the pavement in discourse with himself
shaking his head after the same percussive butchers boy and pausing at the
same shopwindow to look at the same prints If the swiftest thinking has about
the pace of a greyhound the slowest must be supposed to move like the limpet
by an apparent sticking which after a good while is discerned to be a slight
progression Such differences are manifest in the variable intensity which we
call human experience from the revolutionary rush of change which makes a new
inner and outer life to that quiet recurrence of the familiar which has no
other epochs than those of hunger and the heavens
Something of this contrast was seen in the years experience which had
turned the brilliant selfconfident Gwendolen Harleth of the Archery Meeting
into the crushed penitent impelled to confess her unworthiness where it would
have been her happiness to be held worthy while it had left her family in
Pennicote without deeper change than that of some outward habits and some
adjustment of prospects and intentions to reduced income fewer visits and
fainter compliments The Rectory was as pleasant a home as before the red and
pink peonies on the lawn the rows of hollyhocks by the hedges had bloomed as
well this year as last the Rector maintained his cheerful confidence in the
goodwill of patrons and his resolution to deserve it by diligence in the
fulfilment of his duties whether patrons were likely to hear of it or not
doing nothing solely with an eye to promotion except perhaps the writing of
two ecclesiastical articles which having no signature were attributed to some
one else except by the patrons who had a special copy sent them and these
certainly knew the author but did not read the articles The Rector however
chewed no poisonous cud of suspicion on this point he made marginal notes on
his own copies to render them a more interesting loan and was gratified that
the Archdeacon and other authorities had nothing to say against the general
tenor of his argument Peaceful authorship living in the air of the fields
and downs and not in the thricebreathed breath of criticism bringing no
Dantesque leanness rather assisting nutrition by complacency and perhaps
giving a more suffusive sense of achievement than the production of a whole
Divina Commedia Then there was the fathers recovered delight in his favourite
son which was a happiness outweighing the loss of eighteen hundred ayear Of
whatever nature might be the hidden change wrought in Rex by the disappointment
of his first love it was apparently quite secondary to that evidence of more
serious ambition which dated from the family misfortune indeed Mr Gascoigne
was inclined to regard the little affair which had caused him so much anxiety
the year before as an evaporation of superfluous moisture a kind of finish to
the baking process which the human dough demands Rex had lately come down for a
summer visit to the Rectory bringing Anna home and while he showed nearly the
old liveliness with his brothers and sisters he continued in his holiday the
habits of the eager student rising early in the morning and shutting himself up
early in the evenings to carry on a fixed course of study
»You dont repent the choice of the law as a profession Rex« said his
father
»There is no profession I would choose before it« said Rex »I should like
to end my life as a firstrate judge and help to draw up a code I reverse the
famous dictum I should say Give me something to do with making the laws and
let who will make the songs«
»You will have to stow in an immense amount of rubbish I suppose thats
the worst of it« said the Rector
»I dont see that lawrubbish is worse than any other sort It is not so bad
as the rubbishy literature that people choke their minds with It doesnt make
one so dull Our wittiest men have often been lawyers Any orderly way of
looking at things as cases and evidence seems to me better than a perpetual wash
of odds and ends bearing on nothing in particular And then from a higher point
of view the foundations and the growth of law make the most interesting aspects
of philosophy and history Of course there will be a good deal that is
troublesome drudging perhaps exasperating But the great prizes in life cant
be won easily I see that«
»Well my boy the best augury of a mans success in his profession is that
he thinks it the finest in the world But I fancy it is so with most work when a
man goes into it with a will Brewitt the blacksmith said to me the other day
that his prentice had no mind to his trade and yet sir said Brewitt what
would a young fellow have if he doesnt like the blacksmithing«
The Rector cherished a fatherly delight which he allowed to escape him only
in moderation Warham who had gone to India he had easily borne parting with
but Rex was that romance of later life which a man sometimes finds in a son whom
he recognises as superior to himself picturing a future eminence for him
according to a variety of famous examples It was only to his wife that he said
with decision »Rex will be a distinguished man Nancy I am sure of it as
sure as Paleys father was about his son«
»Was Paley an old bachelor« said Mrs Gascoigne
»That is hardly to the point my dear« said the Rector who did not
remember that irrelevant detail And Mrs Gascoigne felt that she had spoken
rather weakly
This quiet trotting of time at the Rectory was shared by the group who had
exchanged the faded dignity of Offendene for the low white house not a mile off
well enclosed with evergreens and known to the villagers as »Jodsons« Mrs
Davilows delicate face showed only a slight deepening of its mild melancholy
her hair only a few more silver lines in consequence of the last years trials
the four girls had bloomed out a little from being less in the shade and the
good Jocosa preserved her serviceable neutrality towards the pleasures and
glories of the world as things made for those who were not »in a situation«
The low narrow drawingroom enlarged by two quaint projecting windows with
lattices wide open on a July afternoon to the scent of monthly roses the faint
murmurs of the garden and the occasional rare sound of hoofs and wheels seeming
to clarify the succeeding silence made rather a crowded lively scene Rex and
Anna being added to the usual group of six Anna always a favourite with her
younger cousins had much to tell of her new experience and the acquaintances
she had made in London and when on her first visit she came alone many
questions were asked her about Gwendolens house in Grosvenor Square what
Gwendolen herself had said and what any one else had said about Gwendolen Had
Anna been to see Gwendolen after she had known about the yacht No an answer
which left speculation free concerning everything connected with that
interesting unknown vessel beyond the fact that Gwendolen had written just
before she set out to say that Mr Grandcourt and she were going yachting in the
Mediterranean and again from Marseilles to say that she was sure to like the
yachting the cabins were very elegant and she would probably not send another
letter till she had written quite a long diary filled with dittos Also this
movement of Mr and Mrs Grandcourt had been mentioned in »the newspaper« so
that altogether this new phase of Gwendolens exalted life made a striking part
of the sisters romance the bookdevouring Isabel throwing in a corsair or two
to make an adventure that might end well
But when Rex was present the girls according to instructions never
started this fascinating topic and today there had only been animated
descriptions of the Meyricks and their extraordinary Jewish friends which
caused some astonished questioning from minds to which the idea of live Jews
out of a book suggested a difference deep enough to be almost zoological as of
a strange race in Plinys Natural History that might sleep under the shade of
its own ears Bertha could not imagine what Jews believed now and had a dim
idea that they rejected the Old Testament since it proved the New Miss Merry
thought that Mirah and her brother could »never have been properly argued with«
and the amiable Alice did not mind what the Jews believed she was sure she
»couldnt bear them« Mrs Davilow corrected her by saying that the great Jewish
families who were in society were quite what they ought to be both in London and
Paris but admitted that the commoner unconverted Jews were objectionable and
Isabel asked whether Mirah talked just as they did or whether you might be with
her and not find out that she was a Jewess
Rex who had no partisanship with the Israelites having made a troublesome
acquaintance with the minutiæ of their ancient history in the form of »cram«
was amusing himself by playfully exaggerating the notion of each speaker while
Anna begged them all to understand that he was only joking when the laughter
was interrupted by the bringing in of a letter for Mrs Davilow A messenger had
run with it in great haste from the Rectory It enclosed a telegram and as Mrs
Davilow read and reread it in silence and agitation all eyes were turned on
her with anxiety but no one dared to speak Looking up at last and seeing the
young faces »painted with fear« she remembered that they might be imagining
something worse than the truth something like her own first dread which made
her unable to understand what was written and she said with a sob which was
half relief
»My dears Mr Grandcourt « She paused an instant and then began again
»Mr Grandcourt is drowned«
Rex started up as if a missile had been suddenly thrown into the room He
could not help himself and Annas first look was at him But then gathering
some selfcommand while Mrs Davilow was reading what the Rector had written on
the enclosing paper he said
»Can I do anything aunt Can I carry any word to my father from you«
»Yes dear Tell him I will be ready he is very good He says he will go
with me to Genoa he will be here at halfpast six Jocosa and Alice help me
to get ready She is safe Gwendolen is safe but she must be ill I am sure
she must be very ill Rex dear Rex and Anna go and tell your father I will
be quite ready I would not for the world lose another night And bless him for
being ready so soon I can travel night and day till we get there«
Rex and Anna hurried away through the sunshine which was suddenly solemn to
them without uttering a word to each other she chiefly possessed by solicitude
about any reopening of his wound he struggling with a tumultuary crowd of
thoughts that were an offence against his better will The oppression being
undiminished when they were at the Rectory gate he said
»Nannie I will leave you to say everything to my father If he wants me
immediately let me know I shall stay in the shrubbery for ten minutes only
ten minutes«
Who has been quite free from egoistic escapes of the imagination picturing
desirable consequences on his own future in the presence of anothers
misfortune sorrow or death The expected promotion or legacy is the common
type of a temptation which makes speech and even prayer a severe avoidance of
the most insistent thoughts and sometimes raises an inward shame a
selfdistaste that is worse than any other form of unpleasant companionship In
Rexs nature the shame was immediate and overspread like an ugly light all the
hurrying images of what might come which thrust themselves in with the idea
that Gwendolen was again free overspread them perhaps the more persistently
because every phantasm of a hope was quickly nullified by a more substantial
obstacle Before the vision of »Gwendolen free« rose the impassable vision of
»Gwendolen rich exalted courted« and if in the former time when both their
lives were fresh she had turned from his love with repugnance what ground was
there for supposing that her heart would be more open to him in the future
These thoughts which he wanted to master and suspend were like a
tumultuary ringing of opposing chimes that he could not escape from by running
During the last year he had brought himself into a state of calm resolve and
now it seemed that three words had been enough to undo all that difficult work
and cast him back into the wretched fluctuations of a longing which he
recognised as simply perturbing and hopeless And at this moment the activity of
such longing had an untimeliness that made it repulsive to his better self
Excuse poor Rex it was not much more than eighteen months since he had been
laid low by an archer who sometimes touches his arrow with a subtle lingering
poison The disappointment of a youthful passion has effects as incalculable as
those of smallpox which may make one person plain and a genius another less
plain and more foolish another plain without detriment to his folly and leave
perhaps the majority without obvious change Everything depends not on the
mere fact of disappointment but on the nature affected and the force that
stirs it In Rexs wellendowed nature brief as the hope had been the
passionate stirring had gone deep and the effect of disappointment was
revolutionary though fraught with a beneficent new order which retained most of
the old virtues in certain respects he believed that it had finally determined
the bias and colour of his life Now however it seemed that his inward peace
was hardly more stable than that of republican Florence and his heart no better
than the alarmbell that made work slack and tumult busy
Rexs love had been of that sudden penetrating clinging sort which the
ancients knew and sung and in singing made a fashion of talk for many moderns
whose experience has been by no means of a fiery dæmonic character To have the
consciousness suddenly steeped with anothers personality to have the strongest
inclinations possessed by an image which retains its dominance in spite of
change and apart from worthiness nay to feel a passion which clings the
faster for the tragic pangs inflicted by a cruel recognised unworthiness is a
phase of love which in the feeble and commonminded has a repulsive likeness to
a blind animalism insensible to the higher sway of moral affinity or heavenlit
admiration But when this attaching force is present in a nature not of brutish
unmodifiableness but of a human dignity that can risk itself safely it may
even result in a devotedness not unfit to be called divine in a higher sense
than the ancient Phlegmatic rationality stares and shakes its head at these
unaccountable prepossessions but they exist as undeniably as the winds and
waves determining here a wreck and there a triumphant voyage
This sort of passion had nested in the sweetnatured strong Rex and he had
made up his mind to its companionship as if it had been an object supremely
dear stricken dumb and helpless and turning all the future of tenderness into
a shadow of the past But he had also made up his mind that his life was not to
be pauperised because he had had to renounce one sort of joy rather he had
begun life again with a new countingup of the treasures that remained to him
and he had even felt a release of power such as may come from ceasing to be
afraid of your own neck
And now here he was pacing the shrubbery angry with himself that the sense
of irrevocableness in his lot which ought in reason to have been as strong as
ever had been shaken by a change of circumstances that could make no change in
relation to him He told himself the truth quite roughly
»She would never love me and that is not the question I could never
approach her as a lover in her present position I am exactly of no consequence
at all and am not likely to be of much consequence till my head is turning
grey But what has that to do with it She would not have me on any terms and I
would not ask her It is a meanness to be thinking about it now no better than
lurking about the battlefield to strip the dead but there never was more
gratuitous sinning I have nothing to gain there absolutely nothing Then
why cant I face the facts and behave as they demand instead of leaving my
father to suppose that there are matters he cant speak to me about though I
might be useful in them«
That last thought made one wave with the impulse that sent Rex walking
firmly into the house and through the open door of the study where he saw his
father packing a travellingdesk
»Can I be of any use sir« said Rex with rallied courage as his father
looked up at him
»Yes my boy when I am gone just see to my letters and answer where
necessary and send me word of everything Dymock will manage the parish very
well and you will stay with your mother or at least go up and down again
till I come back whenever that may be«
»You will hardly be very long sir I suppose« said Rex beginning to strap
a railway rug »You will perhaps bring my cousin back to England« He forced
himself to speak of Gwendolen for the first time and the Rector noticed the
epoch with satisfaction
»That depends« he answered taking the subject as a matter of course
between them »Perhaps her mother may stay there with her and I may come back
very soon This telegram leaves us in an ignorance which is rather anxious But
no doubt the arrangements of the will lately made are satisfactory and there
may possibly be an heir yet to be born In any case I feel confident that
Gwendolen will be liberally I should expect splendidly provided for«
»It must have been a great shock for her« said Rex getting more resolute
after the first twinge had been borne »I suppose he was a devoted husband«
»No doubt of it« said the Rector in his most decided manner »Few men of
his position would have come forward as he did under the circumstances«
Rex had never seen Grandcourt had never been spoken to about him by any one
of the family and knew nothing of Gwendolens flight from her suitor to
Leubronn He only knew that Grandcourt being very much in love with her had
made her an offer in the first weeks of her sudden poverty and had behaved very
handsomely in providing for her mother and sisters That was all very natural
and what Rex himself would have liked to do Grandcourt had been a lucky fellow
and had had some happiness before he got drowned Yet Rex wondered much whether
Gwendolen had been in love with the successful suitor or had only forborne to
tell him that she hated being made love to
Chapter LIX
»I count myself in nothing else so happy
As in a soul remembering my good friends«
Shakespeare
Sir Hugo Mallinger was not so prompt in starting for Genoa as Mr Gascoigne had
been and Deronda on all accounts would not take his departure till he had seen
the baronet There was not only Grandcourts death but also the late crisis in
his own life to make reasons why his oldest friend would desire to have the
unrestrained communication of speech with him for in writing he had not felt
able to give any details concerning the mother who had come and gone like an
apparition It was not till the fifth evening that Deronda according to
telegram waited for Sir Hugo at the station where he was to arrive between
eight and nine and while he was looking forward to the sight of the kind
familiar face which was part of his earliest memories something like a smile
in spite of his late tragic experience might have been detected in his eyes and
the curve of his lips at the idea of Sir Hugos pleasure in being now master of
his estates able to leave them to his daughters or at least according to a
view of inheritance which had just been strongly impressed on Derondas
imagination to take makeshift feminine offspring as intermediate to a
satisfactory heir in a grandson We should be churlish creatures if we could
have no joy in our fellowmortals joy unless it were in agreement with our
theory of righteous distribution and our highest ideal of human good what sour
corners our mouths would get our eyes what frozen glances and all the while
our own possessions and desires would not exactly adjust themselves to our
ideal We must have some comradeship with imperfection and it is happily
possible to feel gratitude even where we discern a mistake that may have been
injurious the vehicle of the mistake being an affectionate intention prosecuted
through a lifetime of kindly offices Derondas feeling and judgment were
strongly against the action of Sir Hugo in making himself the agent of a falsity
yes a falsity he could give no milder name to the concealment under which he
had been reared But the baronet had probably had no clear knowledge concerning
the mothers breach of trust and with his light easy way of taking life had
held it a reasonable preference in her that her son should be made an English
gentleman seeing that she had the eccentricity of not caring to part from her
child and be to him as if she were not Daniels affectionate gratitude towards
Sir Hugo made him wish to find grounds of excuse rather than blame for it is as
possible to be rigid in principle and tender in blame as it is to suffer from
the sight of things hung awry and yet to be patient with the hanger who sees
amiss If Sir Hugo in his bachelorhood had been beguiled into regarding children
chiefly as a product intended to make life more agreeable to the fullgrown
whose convenience alone was to be consulted in the disposal of them why he
had shared an assumption which if not formally avowed was massively acted on
at that date of the worlds history and Deronda with all his keen memory of
the painful inward struggle he had gone through in his boyhood was able also to
remember the many signs that his experience had been entirely shut out from Sir
Hugos conception Ignorant kindness may have the effect of cruelty but to be
angry with it as if it were direct cruelty would be an ignorant unkindness the
most remote from Derondas large imaginative lenience towards others And
perhaps now after the searching scenes of the last ten days in which the
curtain had been lifted for him from the secrets of lives unlike his own he was
more than ever disposed to check that rashness of indignation or resentment
which has an unpleasant likeness to the love of punishing When he saw Sir
Hugos familiar figure descending from the railway carriage the lifelong
affection which had been well accustomed to make excuses flowed in and
submerged all newer knowledge that might have seemed fresh ground for blame
»Well Dan« said Sir Hugo with a serious fervour grasping Derondas hand
He uttered no other words of greeting there was too strong a rush of mutual
consciousness The next thing was to give orders to the courier and then to
propose walking slowly in the mild evening there being no hurry to get to the
hotel
»I have taken my journey easily and am in excellent condition« he said as
he and Deronda came out under the starlight which was still faint with the
lingering sheen of day »I didnt hurry in setting off because I wanted to
inquire into things a little and so I got sight of your letter to Lady
Mallinger before I started But now how is the widow«
»Getting calmer« said Deronda »She seems to be escaping the bodily illness
that one might have feared for her after her plunge and terrible excitement
Her uncle and mother came two days ago and she is being well taken care of«
»Any prospect of an heir being born«
»From what Mr Gascoigne said to me I conclude not He spoke as if it were
a question whether the widow would have the estates for her life«
»It will not be much of a wrench to her affections I fancy this loss of
the husband« said Sir Hugo looking round at Deronda
»The suddenness of the death has been a great blow to her« said Deronda
quietly evading the question
»I wonder whether Grandcourt gave her any notion what were the provisions of
his will« said Sir Hugo
»Do you know what they are sir« parried Deronda
»Yes I do« said the baronet quickly »Gad if there is no prospect of a
legitimate heir he has left everything to a boy he had by a Mrs Glasher you
know nothing about the affair I suppose but she was a sort of wife to him for
a good many years and there are three older children girls The boy is to
take his fathers name he is Henleigh already and he is to be Henleigh
Mallinger Grandcourt The Mallinger will be of no use to him I am happy to say
but the young dog will have more than enough with his fourteen years minority
no need to have had holes filled up with my fifty thousand for Diplow that he
had no right to and meanwhile my beauty the young widow is to put up with a
poor two thousand ayear and the house at Gadsmere a nice kind of banishment
for her if she chose to shut herself up there which I dont think she will The
boys mother has been living there of late years Im perfectly disgusted with
Grandcourt I dont know that Im obliged to think the better of him because
hes drowned though so far as my affairs are concerned nothing in his life
became him like the leaving it«
»In my opinion he did wrong when he married this wife not in leaving his
estates to the son« said Deronda rather drily
»I say nothing against his leaving the land to the lad« said Sir Hugo »but
since he had married this girl he ought to have given her a handsome provision
such as she could live on in a style fitted to the rank he had raised her to
She ought to have had four or five thousand ayear and the London house for her
life thats what I should have done for her I suppose as she was penniless
her friends couldnt stand out for a settlement else its ill trusting to the
will a man may make after hes married Even a wise man generally lets some
folly ooze out of him in his will my father did I know and if a fellow has
any spite or tyranny in him hes likely to bottle off a good deal for keeping
in that sort of document Its quite clear Grandcourt meant that his death
should put an extinguisher on his wife if she bore him no heir«
»And in the other case I suppose everything would have been reversed
illegitimacy would have had the extinguisher« said Deronda with some scorn
»Precisely Gadsmere and the two thousand Its queer One nuisance is that
Grandcourt has made me an executor but seeing he was the son of my only
brother I cant refuse to act And I shall mind it less if I can be of any use
to the widow Lush thinks she was not in ignorance about the family under the
rose and the purport of the will He hints that there was no very good
understanding between the couple But I fancy you are the man who knew most
about what Mrs Grandcourt felt or did not feel eh Dan« Sir Hugo did not put
this question with his usual jocoseness but rather with a lowered tone of
interested inquiry and Deronda felt that any evasion would be misinterpreted
He answered gravely
»She was certainly not happy They were unsuited to each other But as to
the disposal of the property from all I have seen of her I should predict
that she will be quite contented with it«
»Then she is not much like the rest of her sex thats all I can say« said
Sir Hugo with a slight shrug »However she ought to be something
extraordinary for there must be an entanglement between your horoscope and hers
eh When that tremendous telegram came the first thing Lady Mallinger said
was How very strange that it should be Daniel who sends it But I have had
something of the same sort in my own life I was once at a foreign hotel where a
lady had been left by her husband without money When I heard of it and came
forward to help her who should she be but an early flame of mine who had been
fool enough to marry an Austrian baron with a long moustache and short
affection But it was an affair of my own that called me there nothing to do
with knighterrantry any more than your coming to Genoa had to do with the
Grandcourts«
There was silence for a little while Sir Hugo had begun to talk of the
Grandcourts as the less difficult subject between himself and Deronda but they
were both wishing to overcome a reluctance to perfect frankness on the events
which touched their relation to each other Deronda felt that his letter after
the first interview with his mother had been rather a thickening than a
breaking of the ice and that he ought to wait for the first opening to come
from Sir Hugo Just when they were about to lose sight of the port the baronet
turned and pausing as if to get a last view said in a tone of more serious
feeling
»And about the main business of your coming to Genoa Dan You have not been
deeply pained by anything you have learned I hope There is nothing that you
feel need change your position in any way You know whatever happens to you
must always be of importance to me«
»I desire to meet your goodness by perfect confidence sir« said Deronda
»But I cant answer those questions truly by a simple yes or no Much that I
have heard about the past has pained me And it has been a pain to meet and part
with my mother in her suffering state as I have been compelled to do But it is
no pain it is rather a clearing up of doubts for which I am thankful to know
my parentage As to the effect on my position there will be no change in my
gratitude to you sir for the fatherly care and affection you have always shown
me But to know that I was born a Jew may have a momentous influence on my
life which I am hardly able to tell you of at present«
Deronda spoke the last sentence with a resolve that overcame some
diffidence He felt that the differences between Sir Hugos nature and his own
would have byandby to disclose themselves more markedly than had ever yet
been needful The baronet gave him a quick glance and turned to walk on After
a few moments silence in which he had reviewed all the material in his memory
which would enable him to interpret Derondas words he said
»I have long expected something remarkable from you Dan but for Gods
sake dont go into any eccentricities I can tolerate any mans difference of
opinion but let him tell it me without getting himself up as a lunatic At this
stage of the world if a man wants to be taken seriously he must keep clear of
melodrama Dont misunderstand me I am not suspecting you of setting up any
lunacy on your own account I only think you might easily be led arm in arm with
a lunatic especially if he wanted defending You have a passion for people who
are pelted Dan Im sorry for them too but so far as company goes its a bad
ground of selection However I dont ask you to anticipate your inclination in
anything you have to tell me When you make up your mind to a course that
requires money I have some sixteen thousand pounds that have been accumulating
for you over and above what you have been having the interest of as income And
now I am come I suppose you want to get back to England as soon as you can«
»I must go first to Mainz to get away a chest of my grandfathers and
perhaps to see a friend of his« said Deronda »Although the chest has been
lying there these twenty years I have an unreasonable sort of nervous eagerness
to get it away under my care as if it were more likely now than before that
something might happen to it And perhaps I am the more uneasy because I
lingered after my mother left instead of setting out immediately Yet I cant
regret that I was here else Mrs Grandcourt would have had none but servants
to act for her«
»Yes yes« said Sir Hugo with a flippancy which was an escape of some
vexation hidden under his more serious speech »I hope you are not going to set
a dead Jew above a living Christian«
Deronda coloured and repressed a retort They were just turning into the
Italia
Chapter LX
»But I shall say no more of this at this time for this is to be
felt and not to be talked of and they who never touched it with
their fingers may secretly perhaps laugh at it in their hearts and
be never the wiser«
Jeremy Taylor
The Roman Emperor in the legend put to death ten learned Israelites
to avenge the sale of Joseph by his brethren And there have always
been enough of his kidney whose piety lies in punishing who can see
the justice of grudges but not of gratitude For you shall never
convince the stronger feeling that it hath not the stronger reason
or incline him who hath no love to believe that there is good ground
for loving As we may learn from the order of wordmaking wherein
love precedeth lovable
When Deronda presented his letter at the bankinghouse in the Schuster Strasse
at Mainz and asked for Joseph Kalonymos he was presently shown into an inner
room where seated at a table arranging open letters was the whitebearded man
whom he had seen the year before in the synagogue at Frankfort He wore his hat
it seemed to be the same old felt hat as before and near him was a packed
portmanteau with a wrap and overcoat upon it On seeing Deronda enter he rose
but did not advance or put out his hand Looking at him with small penetrating
eyes which glittered like black gems in the midst of his yellowish face and
white hair he said in German »Good It is now you who seek me young man«
»Yes I seek you with gratitude as a friend of my grandfathers« said
Deronda »and I am under an obligation to you for giving yourself much trouble
on my account« He spoke without difficulty in that liberal German tongue which
takes many strange accents to its maternal bosom
Kalonymos now put out his hand and said cordially »So you are no longer
angry at being something more than an Englishman«
»On the contrary I thank you heartily for helping to save me from remaining
in ignorance of my parentage and for taking care of the chest that my
grandfather left in trust for me«
»Sit down sit down« said Kalonymos in a quick undertone seating himself
again and pointing to a chair near him Then deliberately laying aside his hat
and showing a head thickly covered with white hair he stroked and clutched his
beard while he looked examiningly at the young face before him The moment
wrought strongly on Derondas imaginative susceptibility in the presence of one
linked still in zealous friendship with the grandfather whose hope had yearned
towards him when he was unborn and who though dead was yet to speak with him in
those written memorials which says Milton »contain a potency of life in them
to be as active as that soul whose progeny they are« he seemed to himself to be
touching the electric chain of his own ancestry and he bore the scrutinising
look of Kalonymos with a delighted awe something like what one feels in the
solemn commemoration of acts done long ago but still telling markedly on the
life of today Impossible for men of duller fibre men whose affection is not
ready to diffuse itself through the wide travel of imagination to comprehend
perhaps even to credit this sensibility of Derondas but it subsisted like
their own dulness notwithstanding their lack of belief in it and it gave his
face an expression which seemed very satisfactory to the observer
He said in Hebrew quoting from one of the fine hymns in the Hebrew liturgy
»As thy goodness has been great to the former generations even so may it be to
the latter« Then after pausing a little he began »Young man I rejoice that I
was not yet set off again on my travels and that you are come in time for me to
see the image of my friend as he was in his youth no longer perverted from the
fellowship of your people no longer shrinking in proud wrath from the touch of
him who seemed to be claiming you as a Jew You come with thankfulness yourself
to claim the kindred and heritage that wicked contrivance would have robbed you
of You come with a willing soul to declare I am the grandson of Daniel
Charisi Is it not so«
»Assuredly it is« said Deronda »But let me say that I should at no time
have been inclined to treat a Jew with incivility simply because he was a Jew
You can understand that I shrank from saying to a stranger I know nothing of my
mother«
»A sin a sin« said Kalonymos putting up his hand and closing his eyes in
disgust »A robbery of our people as when our youths and maidens were reared
for the Roman Edom But it is frustrated I have frustrated it When Daniel
Charisi may his Rock and his Redeemer guard him when Daniel Charisi was a
stripling and I was a lad little above his shoulder we made a solemn vow always
to be friends He said Let us bind ourselves with duty as if we were sons of
the same mother That was his bent from first to last as he said to fortify
his soul with bonds It was a saying of his Let us bind love with duty for
duty is the love of law and law is the nature of the Eternal So we bound
ourselves And though we were much apart in our later life the bond has never
been broken When he was dead they sought to rob him but they could not rob
him of me I rescued that remainder of him which he had prized and preserved for
his offspring And I have restored to him the offspring they had robbed him of
I will bring you the chest forthwith«
Kalonymos left the room for a few minutes and returned with a clerk who
carried the chest set it down on the floor drew off a leather cover and went
out again It was not very large but was made heavy by ornamental bracers and
handles of gilt iron The wood was beautifully incised with Arabic lettering
»So« said Kalonymos returning to his seat »And here is the curious key«
he added taking it from a small leathern bag »Bestow it carefully I trust you
are methodic and wary« He gave Deronda the monitory and slightly suspicious
look with which age is apt to commit any object to the keeping of youth
»I shall be more careful of this than of any other property« said Deronda
smiling and putting the key in his breastpocket »I never before possessed
anything that was a sign to me of so much cherished hope and effort And I shall
never forget that the effort was partly yours Have you time to tell me more of
my grandfather Or shall I be trespassing in staying longer«
»Stay yet a while In an hour and eighteen minutes I start for Trieste«
said Kalonymos looking at his watch »and presently my sons will expect my
attention Will you let me make you known to them so that they may have the
pleasure of showing hospitality to my friends grandson They dwell here in ease
and luxury though I choose to be a wanderer«
»I shall be glad if you will commend me to their acquaintance for some
future opportunity« said Deronda »There are pressing claims calling me to
England friends who may be much in need of my presence I have been kept away
from them too long by unexpected circumstances But to know more of you and your
family would be motive enough to bring me again to Mainz«
»Good Me you will hardly find for I am beyond my threescore years and ten
and I am a wanderer carrying my shroud with me But my sons and their children
dwell here in wealth and unity The days are changed for us in Mainz since our
people were slaughtered wholesale if they wouldnt be baptised wholesale they
are changed for us since Karl the Great fetched my ancestors from Italy to bring
some tincture of knowledge to our rough German brethren I and my contemporaries
have had to fight for it too Our youth fell on evil days but this we have won
we increase our wealth in safety and the learning of all Germany is fed and
fattened by Jewish brains though they keep not always their Jewish hearts
Have you been left altogether ignorant of your peoples life young man«
»No« said Deronda »I have lately before I had any true suspicion of my
parentage been led to study everything belonging to their history with more
interest than any other subject It turns out that I have been making myself
ready to understand my grandfather a little« He was anxious lest the time
should be consumed before this circuitous course of talk could lead them back to
the topic he most cared about Age does not easily distinguish between what it
needs to express and what youth needs to know distance seeming to level the
objects of memory and keenly active as Joseph Kalonymos showed himself an
inkstand in the wrong place would have hindered his imagination from getting to
Beyrout he had been used to unite restless travel with punctilious observation
But Derondas last sentence answered its purpose
»So you would perhaps have been such a man as he if your education had not
hindered for you are like him in features yet not altogether young man He
had an iron will in his face it braced up everybody about him When he was
quite young he had already got one deep upright line in his brow I see none of
that in you Daniel Charisi used to say Better a wrong will than a wavering
better a steadfast enemy than an uncertain friend better a false belief than no
belief at all What he despised most was indifference He had longer reasons
than I can give you«
»Yet his knowledge was not narrow« said Deronda with a tacit reference to
the usual excuse for indecision that it comes from knowing too much
»Narrow no« said Kalonymos shaking his head with a compassionate smile
»From his childhood upward he drank in learning as easily as the plant sucks up
water But he early took to medicine and theories about life and health He
travelled to many countries and spent much of his substance in seeing and
knowing What he used to insist on was that the strength and wealth of mankind
depended on the balance of separateness and communication and he was bitterly
against our people losing themselves among the Gentiles Its no better said
he than the many sorts of grain going back from their variety into sameness He
mingled all sorts of learning and in that he was like our Arabic writers in the
golden time We studied together but he went beyond me Though we were bosom
friends and he poured himself out to me we were as different as the inside and
the outside of the bowl I stood up for no notions of my own I took Charisis
sayings as I took the shape of the trees they were there not to be disputed
about It came to the same thing in both of us we were both faithful Jews
thankful not to be Gentiles And since I was a ripe man I have been what I am
now for all but age loving to wander loving transactions loving to behold
all things and caring nothing about hardship Charisi thought continually of
our peoples future he went with all his soul into that part of our religion
I not So we have freedom I am content Our people wandered before they were
driven Young man when I am in the East I lie much on deck and watch the
greater stars The sight of them satisfies me I know them as they rise and
hunger not to know more Charisi was satisfied with no sight but pieced it out
with what had been before and what would come after Yet we loved each other
and as he said we bound our love with duty we solemnly pledged ourselves to
help and defend each other to the last I have fulfilled my pledge« Here
Kalonymos rose and Deronda rising also said
»And in being faithful to him you have caused justice to be done to me It
would have been a robbery of me too that I should never have known of the
inheritance he had prepared for me I thank you with my whole soul«
»Be worthy of him young man What is your vocation« This question was put
with a quick abruptness which embarrassed Deronda who did not feel it quite
honest to allege his lawreading as a vocation He answered
»I cannot say that I have any«
»Get one get one The Jew must be diligent You will call yourself a Jew
and profess the faith of your fathers« said Kalonymos putting his hand on
Derondas shoulder and looking sharply in his face
»I shall call myself a Jew« said Deronda deliberately becoming slightly
paler under the piercing eyes of his questioner »But I will not say that I
shall profess to believe exactly as my fathers have believed Our fathers
themselves changed the horizon of their belief and learned of other races But I
think I can maintain my grandfathers notion of separateness with communication
I hold that my first duty is to my own people and if there is anything to be
done towards restoring or perfecting their common life I shall make that my
vocation«
It happened to Deronda at that moment as it has often happened to others
that the need for speech made an epoch in resolve His respect for the
questioner would not let him decline to answer and by the necessity to answer
he found out the truth for himself
»Ah you argue and you look forward you are Daniel Charisis grandson«
said Kalonymos adding a benediction in Hebrew
With that they parted and almost as soon as Deronda was in London the aged
man was again on shipboard greeting the friendly stars without any eager
curiosity
Chapter LXI
»Within the gentle heart Love shelters him
As birds within the green shade of the grove
Before the gentle heart in Natures scheme
Love was not nor the gentle heart ere Love«
Guido Guinicelli Rossettis Translation
There was another house besides the white house at Pennicote another breast
besides Rex Gascoignes in which the news of Grandcourts death caused both
strong agitation and the effort to repress it
It was Hans Meyricks habit to send or bring in the Times for his mothers
reading She was a great reader of news from the widestreaching politics to
the list of marriages the latter she said giving her the pleasant sense of
finishing the fashionable novels without having read them and seeing the heroes
and heroines happy without knowing what poor creatures they were On a
Wednesday there were reasons why Hans always chose to bring the paper and to
do so about the time that Mirah had nearly ended giving Mab her weekly lesson
avowing that he came then because he wanted to hear Mirah sing But on the
particular Wednesday now in question after entering the house as quietly as
usual with his latchkey he appeared in the parlour shaking the Times aloft
with a crackling noise in remorseless interruption of Mabs attempt to render
Lascia chio pianga with a remote imitation of her teacher Piano and song
ceased immediately Mirah who had been playing the accompaniment involuntarily
started up and turned round the crackling sound after the occasional trick of
sounds having seemed to her something thunderous and Mab said
»Ooo Hans why do you bring a more horrible noise than my singing«
»What on earth is the wonderful news« said Mrs Meyrick who was the only
other person in the room »Anything about Italy anything about the Austrians
giving up Venice«
»Nothing about Italy but something from Italy« said Hans with a
peculiarity in his tone and manner which set his mother interpreting Imagine
how some of us feel and behave when an event not disagreeable seems to be
confirming and carrying out our private constructions We say »What do you
think« in a pregnant tone to some innocent person who has not embarked his
wisdom in the same boat with ours and finds our information flat
»Nothing bad« said Mrs Meyrick anxiously thinking immediately of
Deronda and Mirahs heart had been already clutched by the same thought
»Not bad for anybody we care much about« said Hans quickly »rather
uncommonly lucky I think I never knew anybody die conveniently before
Considering what a dear gazelle I am I am constantly wondering to find myself
alive«
»Oh me Hans« said Mab impatiently »if you must talk of yourself let it
be behind your own back What is it that has happened«
»Duke Alfonso is drowned and the Duchess is alive thats all« said Hans
putting the paper before Mrs Meyrick with his finger against a paragraph »But
more than all is Deronda was at Genoa in the same hotel with them and he saw
her brought in by the fishermen who had got her out of the water time enough to
save her from any harm It seems they saw her jump in after her husband which
was a less judicious action than I should have expected of the Duchess However
Deronda is a lucky fellow in being there to take care of her«
Mirah had sunk on the musicstool again with her eyelids down and her hands
tightly clasped and Mrs Meyrick giving up the paper to Mab said
»Poor thing she must have been fond of her husband to jump in after him«
»It was an inadvertence a little absence of mind« said Hans creasing his
face roguishly and throwing himself into a chair not far from Mirah »Who can
be fond of a jealous baritone with freezing glances always singing asides
that was the husbands rôle depend upon it Nothing can be neater than his
getting drowned The Duchess is at liberty now to marry a man with a fine head
of hair and glances that will melt instead of freezing her And I shall be
invited to the wedding«
Here Mirah started from her sitting posture and fixing her eyes on Hans
with an angry gleam in them she said in the deeplyshaken voice of indignation
»Mr Hans you ought not to speak in that way Mr Deronda would not like
you to speak so Why will you say he is lucky why will you use words of that
sort about life and death when what is life to one is death to another How do
you know it would be lucky if he loved Mrs Grandcourt It might be a great evil
to him She would take him away from my brother I know she would Mr Deronda
would not call that lucky to pierce my brothers heart«
All three were struck with the sudden transformation Mirahs face with a
look of anger that might have suited Ithuriel pale even to the lips that were
usually so rich of tint was not far from poor Hans who sat transfixed
blushing under it as if he had been the girl while he said nervously
»I am a fool and a brute and I withdraw every word Ill go and hang myself
like Judas if its allowable to mention him« Even in Hanss sorrowful
moments his improvised words had inevitably some drollery
But Mirahs anger was not appeased how could it be She had burst into
indignant speech as creatures in intense pain bite and make their teeth meet
even through their own flesh by way of making their agony bearable She said no
more but seating herself at the piano pressed the sheet of music before her
as if she thought of beginning to play again
It was Mab who spoke while Mrs Meyricks face seemed to reflect some of
Hanss discomfort
»Mirah is quite right to scold you Hans You are always taking Mr
Derondas name in vain And it is horrible joking in that way about his
marrying Mrs Grandcourt Mens minds must be very black I think« ended Mab
with much scorn
»Quite true my dear« said Hans in a low tone rising and turning on his
heel to walk towards the back window
»We had better go on Mab you have not given your full time to the lesson«
said Mirah in a higher tone than usual »Will you sing this again or shall I
sing it to you«
»Oh please sing it to me« said Mab rejoiced to take no more notice of
what had happened
And Mirah immediately sang Lascia chio pianga giving forth its melodious
sobs and cries with new fulness and energy Hans paused in his walk and leaned
against the mantelpiece keeping his eyes carefully away from his mothers When
Mirah had sung her last note and touched the last chord she rose and said »I
must go home now Ezra expects me«
She gave her hand silently to Mrs Meyrick and hung back a little not
daring to look at her instead of kissing her as usual But the little mother
drew Mirahs face down to hers and said soothingly »God bless you my dear«
Mirah felt that she had committed an offence against Mrs Meyrick by angrily
rebuking Hans and mixed with the rest of her suffering was the sense that she
had shown something like a proud ingratitude an unbecoming assertion of
superiority And her friend had divined this compunction
Meanwhile Hans had seized his wideawake and was ready to open the door
»Now Hans« said Mab with what was really a sisters tenderness cunningly
disguised »you are not going to walk home with Mirah I am sure she would
rather not You are so dreadfully disagreeable today«
»I shall go to take care of her if she does not forbid me« said Hans
opening the door
Mirah said nothing and when he had opened the outer door for her and closed
it behind him he walked by her side unforbidden She had not the courage to
begin speaking to him again conscious that she had perhaps been unbecomingly
severe in her words to him yet finding only severer words behind them in her
heart Besides she was pressed upon by a crowd of thoughts thrusting themselves
forward as interpreters of that consciousness which still remained unuttered to
herself
Hans on his side had a mind equally busy Mirahs anger had waked in him a
new perception and with it the unpleasant sense that he was a dolt not to have
had it before Suppose Mirahs heart were entirely preoccupied with Deronda in
another character than that of her own and her brothers benefactor the
supposition was attended in Hanss mind with anxieties which to do him justice
were not altogether selfish He had a strong persuasion which only direct
evidence to the contrary could have dissipated that there was a serious
attachment between Deronda and Mrs Grandcourt he had pieced together many
fragments of observation and gradually gathered knowledge completed by what his
sisters had heard from Anna Gascoigne which convinced him not only that Mrs
Grandcourt had a passion for Deronda but also notwithstanding his friends
austere selfrepression that Derondas susceptibility about her was the sign of
concealed love Some men having such a conviction would have avoided allusions
that could have roused that susceptibility but Hanss talk naturally fluttered
towards mischief and he was given to a form of experiment on live animals which
consisted in irritating his friends playfully His experiments had ended in
satisfying him that what he thought likely was true
On the other hand any susceptibility Deronda had manifested about a lovers
attentions being shown to Mirah Hans took to be sufficiently accounted for by
the alleged reason namely her dependent position for he credited his friend
with all possible unselfish anxiety for those whom he could rescue or protect
And Derondas insistence that Mirah would never marry one who was not a Jew
necessarily seemed to exclude himself since Hans shared the ordinary opinion
which he knew nothing to disturb that Deronda was the son of Sir Hugo
Mallinger
Thus he felt himself in clearness about the state of Derondas affections
but now the events which really struck him as concurring towards the desirable
union with Mrs Grandcourt had called forth a flash of revelation from Mirah
a betrayal of her passionate feeling on this subject which made him melancholy
on her account as well as his own yet on the whole less melancholy than if he
had imagined Derondas hopes fixed on her It is not sublime but it is common
for a man to see the beloved object unhappy because his rival loves another
with more fortitude and a milder jealousy than if he saw her entirely happy in
his rival At least it was so with the mercurial Hans who fluctuated between
the contradictory states of feeling wounded because Mirah was wounded and of
being almost obliged to Deronda for loving somebody else It was impossible for
him to give Mirah any direct sign of the way in which he had understood her
anger yet he longed that his speechless companionship should be eloquent in a
tender penitent sympathy which is an admissible form of wooing a bruised heart
Thus the two went side by side in a companionship that yet seemed an
agitated communication like that of two chords whose quick vibrations lie
outside our hearing But when they reached the door of Mirahs home and Hans
said »Goodbye« putting out his hand with an appealing look of penitence she
met the look with melancholy gentleness and said »Will you not come in and see
my brother«
Hans could not but interpret this invitation as a sign of pardon He had not
enough understanding of what Mirahs nature had been wrought into by her early
experience to divine how the very strength of her late excitement had made it
pass the more quickly into a resolute acceptance of pain When he had said »If
you will let me« and they went in together half his grief was gone and he was
spinning a little romance of how his devotion might make him indispensable to
Mirah in proportion as Deronda gave his devotion elsewhere This was quite fair
since his friend was provided for according to his own heart and on the
question of Judaism Hans felt thoroughly fortified who ever heard in tale or
history that a womans love went in the track of her race and religion Moslem
and Jewish damsels were always attracted towards Christians and now if Mirahs
heart had gone forth too precipitately towards Deronda here was another case in
point Hans was wont to make merry with his own arguments to call himself a
Giaour and antithesis the sole clue to events but he believed a little in what
he laughed at And thus his birdlike hope constructed on the lightest
principles soared again in spite of heavy circumstance
They found Mordecai looking singularly happy holding a closed letter in his
hand his eyes glowing with a quiet triumph which in his emaciated face gave the
idea of a conquest over assailing death After the greeting between him and
Hans Mirah put her arm round her brothers neck and looked down at the letter
in his hand without the courage to ask about it though she felt sure that it
was the cause of his happiness
»A letter from Daniel Deronda« said Mordecai answering her look »Brief
only saying that he hopes soon to return Unexpected claims have detained him
The promise of seeing him again is like the bow in the cloud to me« continued
Mordecai looking at Hans »and to you also it must be a gladness For who has
two friends like him«
While Hans was answering Mirah slipped away to her own room but not to
indulge in any outburst of the passion within her If the angels once supposed
to watch the toilet of women had entered the little chamber with her and let her
shut the door behind them they would only have seen her take off her hat sit
down and press her hands against her temples as if she had suddenly reflected
that her head ached then rise to dash cold water on her eyes and brow and hair
till her backward curls were full of crystal beads while she had dried her brow
and looked out like a freshlyopened flower from among the dewy tresses of the
woodland then give deep sighs of relief and putting on her little slippers
sit still after that action for a couple of minutes which seemed to her so
long so full of things to come that she rose with an air of recollection and
went down to make tea
Something of the old life had returned She had been used to remember that
she must learn her part must go to rehearsal must act and sing in the evening
must hide her feelings from her father and the more painful her life grew the
more she had been used to hide The force of her nature had long found its chief
action in resolute endurance and today the violence of feeling which had
caused the first jet of anger had quickly transformed itself into a steady
facing of trouble the wellknown companion of her young years But while she
moved about and spoke as usual a close observer might have discerned a
difference between this apparent calm which was the effect of restraining
energy and the sweet genuine calm of the months when she first felt a return of
her infantine happiness
Those who have been indulged by fortune and have always thought of calamity
as what happens to others feel a blind incredulous rage at the reversal of
their lot and half believe that their wild cries will alter the course of the
storm Mirah felt no such surprise when familiar Sorrow came back from brief
absence and sat down with her according to the old use and wont And this habit
of expecting trouble rather than joy hindered her from having any persistent
belief in opposition to the probabilities which were not merely suggested by
Hans but were supported by her own private knowledge and longgrowing
presentiment An attachment between Deronda and Mrs Grandcourt to end in their
future marriage had the aspect of a certainty for her feeling There had been
no fault in him facts had ordered themselves so that there was a tie between
him and this woman who belonged to another world than her own and Ezras nay
who seemed another sort of being than Deronda something foreign that would be a
disturbance in his life instead of blending with it Well well but if it
could have been deferred go as to make no difference while Ezra was there She
did not know all the momentousness of the relation between Deronda and her
brother but she had seen and instinctively felt enough to forebode its being
incongruous with any close tie to Mrs Grandcourt at least this was the
clothing that Mirah first gave to her mortal repugnance But in the still quick
action of her consciousness thoughts went on like changing states of sensation
unbroken by her habitual acts and this inward language soon said distinctly
that the mortal repugnance would remain even if Ezra were secured from loss
»What I have read about and sung about and seen acted is happening to me
this that I am feeling is the love that makes jealousy« so impartially Mirah
summed up the charge against herself But what difference could this pain of
hers make to any one else It must remain as exclusively her own and hidden as
her early yearning and devotion towards her lost mother But unlike that
devotion it was something that she felt to be a misfortune of her nature a
discovery that what should have been pure gratitude and reverence had sunk into
selfish pain that the feeling she had hitherto delighted to pour out in words
was degraded into something she was ashamed to betray an absurd longing that
she who had received all and given nothing should be of importance where she was
of no importance an angry feeling towards another woman who possessed the good
she wanted But what notion what vain reliance could it be that had lain darkly
within her and was now burning itself into sight as disappointment and jealousy
It was as if her soul had been steeped in poisonous passion by forgotten dreams
of deep sleep and now flamed out in this unaccountable misery For with her
waking reason she had never entertained what seemed the wildly unfitting thought
that Deronda could love her The uneasiness she had felt before had been
comparatively vague and easily explained as part of a general regret that he was
only a visitant in her and her brothers world from which the world where his
home lay was as different as a portico with lights and lacqueys was different
from the door of a tent where the only splendour came from the mysterious
inaccessible stars But her feeling was no longer vague the cause of her pain
the image of Mrs Grandcourt by Derondas side drawing him farther and farther
into the distance was as definite as pincers on her flesh In the Psychemould
of Mirahs frame there rested a fervid quality of emotion sometimes rashly
supposed to require the bulk of a Cleopatra her impressions had the
thoroughness and tenacity that give to the first selection of passionate feeling
the character of a lifelong faithfulness And now a selection had declared
itself which gave love a cruel heart of jealousy she had been used to a strong
repugnance towards certain objects that surrounded her and to walk inwardly
aloof from them while they touched her sense And now her repugnance
concentrated itself on Mrs Grandcourt of whom she involuntarily conceived more
evil than she knew »I could bear everything that used to be but this is worse
this is worse I used not to have horrible feelings« said the poor child in
a loud whisper to her pillow Strange that she should have to pray against any
feeling which concerned Deronda
But this conclusion had been reached through an evening spent in attending
to Mordecai whose exaltation of spirit in the prospect of seeing his friend
again disposed him to utter many thoughts aloud to Mirah though such
communication was often interrupted by intervals apparently filled with an
inward utterance that animated his eyes and gave an occasional silent action to
his lips One thought especially occupied him
»Seest thou Mirah« he said once after a long silence »the Shemah
wherein we briefly confess the divine Unity is the chief devotional exercise of
the Hebrew and this made our religion the fundamental religion for the whole
world for the divine Unity embraced as its consequence the ultimate unity of
mankind See then the nation which has been scoffed at for its separateness
has given a binding theory to the human race Now in complete unity a part
possesses the whole as the whole possesses every part and in this way human
life is tending toward the image of the Supreme Unity for as our life becomes
more spiritual by capacity of thought and joy therein possession tends to
become more universal being independent of gross material contact so that in a
brief day the soul of a man may know in fuller volume the good which has been
and is nay is to come than all he could possess in a whole life where he had
to follow the creeping paths of the senses In this moment my sister I hold
the joy of anothers future within me a future which these eyes will not see
and which my spirit may not then recognise as mine I recognise it now and love
it so that I can lay down this poor life upon its altar and say Burn burn
indiscernibly into that which shall be which is my love and not me Dost thou
understand Mirah«
»A little« said Mirah faintly »but my mind is too poor to have felt it«
»And yet« said Mordecai rather insistently »women are specially framed
for the love which feels possession in renouncing and is thus a fit image of
what I mean Somewhere in the later Midrash I think is the story of a Jewish
maiden who loved a Gentile king so well that this was what she did She
entered into prison and changed clothes with the woman who was beloved by the
king that she might deliver that woman from death by dying in her stead and
leave the king to be happy in his love which was not for her This is the
surpassing love that loses self in the object of love«
»No Ezra no« said Mirah with lowtoned intensity »that was not it She
wanted the king when she was dead to know what she had done and feel that she
was better than the other It was her strong self wanting to conquer that made
her die«
Mordecai was silent a little and then argued
»That might be Mirah But if she acted so believing the king would never
know«
»You can make the story so in your mind Ezra because you are great and
like to fancy the greatest that could be But I think it was not really like
that The Jewish girl must have had jealousy in her heart and she wanted
somehow to have the first place in the kings mind That is what she would die
for«
»My sister thou hast read too many plays where the writers delight in
showing the human passions as indwelling demons unmixed with the relenting and
devout elements of the soul Thou judgest by the plays and not by thy own
heart which is like our mothers«
Mirah made no answer
Chapter LXII
»Das Glück ist eine leichte Dirne
Und weilt nicht gern am selben Ort
Sie streicht das Haar dir von der Stirne
Und küsst dich rasch und flattert fort
Frau Unglück hat im Gegentheile
Dich liebefest ans Herz gedrückt
Sie sagt sie habe keine Eile
Setzt sich zu dir ans Bett und strickt«
Heine
Something which Mirah had lately been watching for as the fulfilment of a
threat seemed now the continued visit of that familiar sorrow which had lately
come back bringing abundant luggage
Turning out of Knightsbridge after singing at a charitable morning concert
in a wealthy house where she had been recommended by Klesmer and where there
had been the usual groups outside to see the departing company she began to
feel herself dogged by footsteps that kept an even pace with her own Her
concert dress being simple black over which she had thrown a dust cloak could
not make her an object of unpleasant attention and render walking an
imprudence but this reflection did not occur to Mirah another kind of alarm
lay uppermost in her mind She immediately thought of her father and could no
more look round than if she had felt herself tracked by a ghost To turn and
face him would be voluntarily to meet the rush of emotions which beforehand
seemed intolerable If it were her father he must mean to claim recognition
and he would oblige her to face him She must wait for that compulsion She
walked on not quickening her pace of what use was that but picturing what
was about to happen as if she had the full certainty that the man behind her was
her father and along with her picturing went a regret that she had given her
word to Mrs Meyrick not to use any concealment about him The regret at last
urged her at least to try and hinder any sudden betrayal that would cause her
brother an unnecessary shock Under the pressure of this motive she resolved to
turn before she reached her own door and firmly will the encounter instead of
merely submitting to it She had already reached the entrance of the small
square where her home lay and had made up her mind to turn when she felt her
embodied presentiment getting closer to her then slipping to her side grasping
her wrist and saying with a persuasive curl of accent »Mirah«
She paused at once without any start it was the voice she expected and she
was meeting the expected eyes Her face was as grave as if she had been looking
at her executioner while his was adjusted to the intention of soothing and
propitiating her Once a handsome face with bright colour it was now sallow
and deeplined and had that peculiar impress of impudent suavity which comes
from courting favour while accepting disrespect He was lightly made and active
with something of youth about him which made the signs of age seem a disguise
and in reality he was hardly fiftyseven His dress was shabby as when she had
seen him before The presence of this unreverend father now more than ever
affected Mirah with the mingled anguish of shame and grief repulsion and pity
more than ever now that her own world was changed into one where there was no
comradeship to fence him from scorn and contempt
Slowly with a sad tremulous voice she said »It is you father«
»Why did you run away from me child« he began with rapid speech which was
meant to have a tone of tender remonstrance accompanied with various quick
gestures like an abbreviated fingerlanguage »What were you afraid of You knew
I never made you do anything against your will It was for your sake I broke up
your engagement in the Vorstadt because I saw it didnt suit you and you
repaid me by leaving me to the bad times that came in consequence I had made an
easier engagement for you at the Vorstadt Theatre in Dresden I didnt tell you
because I wanted to take you by surprise And you left me planted there
obliged to make myself scarce because I had broken contract That was hard lines
for me after I had given up everything for the sake of getting you an education
which was to be a fortune to you What father devoted himself to his daughter
more than I did to you You know how I bore that disappointment in your voice
and made the best of it and when I had nobody besides you and was getting
broken as a man must who has had to fight his way with his brains you chose
that time to leave me Who else was it you owed everything to if not to me and
where was your feeling in return For what my daughter cared I might have died
in a ditch«
Lapidoth stopped short here not from lack of invention but because he had
reached a pathetic climax and gave a sudden sob like a womans taking out
hastily an old yellow silk handkerchief He really felt that his daughter had
treated him ill a sort of sensibility which is naturally strong in
unscrupulous persons who put down what is owing to them without any per
contra Mirah in spite of that sob had energy enough not to let him suppose
that he deceived her She answered more firmly though it was the first time she
had ever used accusing words to him
»You know why I left you father and I had reason to distrust you because
I felt sure that you had deceived my mother If I could have trusted you I
would have stayed with you and worked for you«
»I never meant to deceive your mother Mirah« said Lapidoth putting back
his handkerchief but beginning with a voice that seemed to struggle against
further sobbing »I meant to take you back to her but chances hindered me just
at the time and then there came information of her death It was better for you
that I should stay where I was and your brother could take care of himself
Nobody had any claim on me but you I had word of your mothers death from a
particular friend who had undertaken to manage things for me and I sent him
over money to pay expenses Theres one chance to be sure« Lapidoth had
quickly conceived that he must guard against something unlikely yet possible
»he may have written me lies for the sake of getting the money out of me«
Mirah made no answer she could not bear to utter the only true one »I
dont believe one word of what you say« and she simply showed a wish that they
should walk on feeling that their standing still might draw down unpleasant
notice Even as they walked along their companionship might well have made a
passerby turn back to look at them The figure of Mirah with her beauty set
off by the quiet careful dress of an English lady made a strange pendant to
this shabby foreignlooking eager and gesticulating man who withal had an
ineffaceable jauntiness of air perhaps due to the bushy curls of his grizzled
hair the smallness of his hands and feet and his light walk
»You seem to have done well for yourself Mirah You are in no want I see«
said the father looking at her with emphatic examination
»Good friends who found me in distress have helped me to get work« said
Mirah hardly knowing what she actually said from being occupied with what she
would presently have to say »I give lessons I have sung in private houses I
have just been singing at a private concert« She paused and then added with
significance »I have very good friends who know all about me«
»And you would be ashamed they should see your father in this plight No
wonder I came to England with no prospect but the chance of finding you It
was a mad quest but a fathers heart is superstitious feels a loadstone
drawing it somewhere or other I might have done very well staying abroad when
I hadnt you to take care of I could have rolled or settled as easily as a
ball but its hard being lonely in the world when your spirits beginning to
break And I thought my little Mirah would repent leaving her father when she
came to look back Ive had a sharp pinch to work my way I dont know what I
shall come down to next Talents like mine are no use in this country When a
mans getting out at elbows nobody will believe in him I couldnt get any
decent employ with my appearance Ive been obliged to go pretty low for a
shilling already«
Mirahs anxiety was quick enough to imagine her fathers sinking into a
further degradation which she was bound to hinder if she could But before she
could answer his string of inventive sentences delivered with as much glibness
as if they had been learned by rote he added promptly
»Where do you live Mirah«
»Here in this square We are not far from the house«
»In lodgings«
»Yes«
»Any one to take care of you«
»Yes« said Mirah again looking full at the keen face which was turned
towards hers »my brother«
The fathers eyelids fluttered as if the lightning had come across them and
there was a slight movement of the shoulders But he said after a just
perceptible pause »Ezra How did you know how did you find him«
»That would take long to tell Here we are at the door My brother would not
wish me to close it on you«
Mirah was already on the doorstep but had her face turned towards her
father who stood below her on the pavement Her heart had begun to beat faster
with the prospect of what was coming in the presence of Ezra and already in
this attitude of giving leave to the father whom she had been used to obey in
this sight of him standing below her with a perceptible shrinking from the
admission which he had been indirectly asking for she had a pang of the
peculiar sympathetic humiliation and shame the stabbed heart of reverence
which belongs to a nature intensely filial
»Stay a minute Liebchen« said Lapidoth speaking in a lowered tone »what
sort of man has Ezra turned out«
»A good man a wonderful man« said Mirah with slow emphasis trying to
master the agitation which made her voice more tremulous as she went on She
felt urged to prepare her father for the complete penetration of himself which
awaited him »But he was very poor when my friends found him for me a poor
workman Once twelve years ago he was strong and happy going to the East
which he loved to think of and my mother called him back because because she
had lost me And he went to her and took care of her through great trouble and
worked for her till she died died in grief And Ezra too had lost his health
and strength The cold had seized him coming back to my mother because she was
forsaken For years he has been getting weaker always poor always working
but full of knowledge and greatminded All who come near him honour him To
stand before him is like standing before a prophet of God« Mirah ended with
difficulty her heart throbbing »falsehoods are no use«
She had cast down her eyes that she might not see her father while she spoke
the last words unable to bear the ignoble look of frustration that gathered in
his face But he was none the less quick in invention and decision
»Mirah Liebchen« he said in the old caressing way »shouldnt you like me
to make myself a little more respectable before my son sees me If I had a
little sum of money I could fit myself out and come home to you as your father
ought and then I could offer myself for some decent place With a good shirt
and coat on my back people would be glad enough to have me I could offer
myself for a courier if I didnt look like a brokendown mountebank I should
like to be with my children and forget and forgive But you have never seen
your father look like this before If you had ten pounds at hand or I could
appoint you to bring it me somewhere I could fit myself out by the day after
tomorrow«
Mirah felt herself under a temptation which she must try to overcome She
answered obliging herself to look at him again
»I dont like to deny you what you ask father but I have given a promise
not to do things for you in secret It is hard to see you looking needy but we
will bear that for a little while and then you can have new clothes and we can
pay for them« Her practical sense made her see now what was Mrs Meyricks
wisdom in exacting a promise from her
Lapidoths good humour gave way a little He said with a sneer »You are a
hard and fast young lady youve been learning useful virtues keeping
promises not to help your father with a pound or two when you are getting money
to dress yourself in silk your father who made an idol of you and gave up the
best part of his life to providing for you«
»It seems cruel I know it seems cruel« said Mirah feeling this a worse
moment than when she meant to drown herself Her lips were suddenly pale »But
father it is more cruel to break the promises people trust in That broke my
mothers heart it has broken Ezras life You and I must eat now this
bitterness from what has been Bear it Bear to come in and be cared for as you
are«
»Tomorrow then« said Lapidoth almost turning on his heel away from this
pale trembling daughter who seemed now to have got the inconvenient world to
back her but he quickly turned on it again with his hands feeling about
restlessly in his pockets and said with some return to his appealing tone
»Im a little cut up with all this Mirah I shall get up my spirits by
tomorrow If youve a little money in your pocket I suppose it isnt against
your promise to give me a trifle to buy a cigar with«
Mirah could not ask herself another question could not do anything else
than put her cold trembling hands in her pocket for her portemonnaie and hold it
out Lapidoth grasped it at once pressed her fingers the while said
»Goodbye my little girl tomorrow then« and left her He had not taken many
steps before he looked carefully into all the folds of the purse found two
halfsovereigns and odd silver and pasted against the folding cover a bit of
paper on which Ezra had inscribed in a beautiful Hebrew character the name of
his mother the days of her birth marriage and death and the prayer »May
Mirah be delivered from evil« It was Mirahs liking to have this little
inscription on many articles that she used The father read it and had a quick
vision of his marriage day and the bright unblamed young fellow he was in that
time teaching many things but expecting byandby to get money more easily by
writing and very fond of his beautiful bride Sara crying when she expected
him to cry and reflecting every phase of her feeling with mimetic
susceptibility Lapidoth had travelled a long way from that young self and
thought of all that this inscription signified with an unemotional memory which
was like the ocular perception of a touch to one who has lost the sense of
touch or like morsels on an untasting palate having shape and grain but no
flavour Among the things we may gamble away in a lazy selfish life is the
capacity for ruth compunction or any unselfish regret which we may come to
long for as one in slow death longs to feel laceration rather than be conscious
of a widening margin where consciousness once was Mirahs purse was a handsome
one a gift to her which she had been unable to reflect about giving away
and Lapidoth presently found himself outside of his reverie considering what
the purse would fetch in addition to the sum it contained and what prospect
there was of his being able to get more from his daughter without submitting to
adopt a penitential form of life under the eyes of that formidable son On such
a subject his susceptibilities were still lively
Meanwhile Mirah had entered the house with her power of reticence overcome
by the cruelty of her pain She found her brother quietly reading and sifting
old manuscripts of his own which he meant to consign to Deronda In the
reaction from the long effort to master herself she fell down before him and
clasped his knees sobbing and crying »Ezra Ezra«
He did not speak His alarm for her was spending itself on conceiving the
cause of her distress the more striking from the novelty in her of this violent
manifestation But Mirahs own longing was to be able to speak and tell him the
cause Presently she raised her hand and still sobbing said brokenly
»Ezra my father our father He followed me I wanted him to come in I
said you would let him come in And he said No he would not not now but
tomorrow And he begged for money from me And I gave him my purse and he went
away«
Mirahs words seemed to herself to express all the misery she felt in them
Her brother found them less grievous than his preconceptions and said gently
»Wait for calm Mirah and then tell me all« putting off her hat and laying
his hands tenderly on her head She felt the soothing influence and in a few
minutes told him as exactly as she could all that had happened
»He will not come tomorrow« said Mordecai Neither of them said to the
other what they both thought namely that he might watch for Mirahs outgoings
and beg from her again
»Seest thou« he presently added »our lot is the lot of Israel The grief
and the glory are mingled as the smoke and the flame It is because we children
have inherited the good that we feel the evil These things are wedded for us
as our father was wedded to our mother«
The surroundings were of Brompton but the voice might have come from a
Rabbi transmitting the sentences of an elder time to be registered in Babli by
which to our ears affectionatesounding diminutive is meant the voluminous
Babylonian Talmud »The Omnipresent« said a Rabbi »is occupied in making
marriages« The levity of the saying lies in the ear of him who hears it for by
marriages the speaker meant all the wondrous combinations of the universe whose
issue makes our good and evil
Chapter LXIII
»Moses trotz seiner Befeindung der Kunst dennoch selber ein
grosser Künstler war und den wahren Künstlergeist besass Nur war
dieser Künstlergeist bei ihm wie bei seinen ägyptischen
Landsleuten nur auf das Colossale und Unverwüstliche gerichtet
Aber nicht wie die Aegypter formirte er seine Kunstwerke aus
Backstein und Granit sondern er baute Menschenpyramiden er
meisselte Menschen Obelisken er nahm einen armen Hirtenstamm und
Schuf daraus ein Volk das ebenfalls den Jahrhunderten trotzen
sollte er Schuf Israel«
Heine Geständnisse
Imagine the difference in Derondas state of mind when he left England and when
he returned to it He had set out for Genoa in total uncertainty how far the
actual bent of his wishes and affections would be encouraged how far the
claims revealed to him might draw him into new paths far away from the tracks
his thoughts had lately been pursuing with a consent of desire which uncertainty
made dangerous He came back with something like a discovered charter warranting
the inherited right that his ambition had begun to yearn for he came back with
what was better than freedom with a duteous bond which his experience had been
preparing him to accept gladly even if it had been attended with no promise of
satisfying a secret passionate longing never yet allowed to grow into a hope
But now he dared avow to himself the hidden selection of his love Since the
hour when he left the house at Chelsea in fullhearted silence under the effect
of Mirahs farewell look and words their exquisite appealingness stirring in
him that deeplylaid care for womanhood which had begun when his own lip was
like a girls her hold on his feeling had helped him to be blameless in word
and deed under the difficult circumstances we know of There seemed no
likelihood that he could ever woo this creature who had become dear to him
amidst associations that forbade wooing yet she had taken her place in his soul
as a beloved type reducing the power of other fascination and making a
difference in it that became deficiency The influence had been continually
strengthened It had lain in the course of poor Gwendolens lot that her
dependence on Deronda tended to rouse in him the enthusiasm of selfmartyring
pity rather than of personal love and his less constrained tenderness flowed
with the fuller stream towards an indwelling image in all things unlike
Gwendolen Still more his relation to Mordecai had brought with it a new
nearness to Mirah which was not the less agitating because there was no apparent
change in his position towards her and she had inevitably been bound up in all
the thoughts that made him shrink from an issue disappointing to her brother
This process had not gone on unconsciously in Deronda he was conscious of it as
we are of some covetousness that it would be better to nullify by encouraging
other thoughts than to give it the insistency of confession even to ourselves
but the jealous fire had leaped out at Hanss pretensions and when his mother
accused him of being in love with a Jewess any evasion suddenly seemed an
infidelity His mother had compelled him to a decisive acknowledgment of his
love as Joseph Kalonymos had compelled him to a definite expression of his
resolve This new state of decision wrought on Deronda with a force which
surprised even himself There was a release of all the energy which had long
been spent in selfchecking and suppression because of doubtful conditions and
he was ready to laugh at his own impetuosity when as he neared England on his
way from Mainz he felt the remaining distance more and more of an obstruction
It was as if he had found an added soul in finding his ancestry his judgment
no longer wandering in the mazes of impartial sympathy but choosing with that
noble partiality which is mans best strength the closer fellowship that makes
sympathy practical exchanging that birdseye reasonableness which soars to
avoid preference and loses all sense of quality for the generous reasonableness
of drawing shoulder to shoulder with men of like inheritance He wanted now to
be again with Mordecai to pour forth instead of restraining his feeling to
admit agreement and maintain dissent and all the while to find Mirahs presence
without the embarrassment of obviously seeking it to see her in the light of a
new possibility to interpret her looks and words from a new startingpoint He
was not greatly alarmed about the effect of Hanss attentions but he had a
presentiment that her feeling towards himself had from the first lain in a
channel from which it was not likely to be diverted into love To astonish a
woman by turning into her lover when she has been thinking of you merely as a
Lord Chancellor is what a man naturally shrinks from he is anxious to create an
easier transition
What wonder that Deronda saw no other course than to go straight from the
London railway station to the lodgings in that small square in Brompton Every
argument was in favour of his losing no time He had promised to run down the
next day to see Lady Mallinger at the Abbey and it was already sunset He
wished to deposit the precious chest with Mordecai who would study its
contents both in his absence and in company with him and that he should pay
this visit without pause would gratify Mordecais heart Hence and for other
reasons it gratified Derondas heart The strongest tendencies of his nature
were rushing in one current the fervent affectionateness which made him
delight in meeting the wish of beings near to him and the imaginative need of
some farreaching relation to make the horizon of his immediate daily acts It
has to be admitted that in this classical romantic worldhistoric position of
his bringing as it were from its hidingplace his hereditary armour he wore
but so one must suppose did the most ancient heroes whether Semitic or
Japhetic the summer costume of his contemporaries He did not reflect that the
drab tints were becoming to him for he rarely went to the expense of such
thinking but his own depth of colouring which made the becomingness got an
added radiance in the eyes a fleeting and returning glow in the skin as he
entered the house wondering what exactly he should find He made his entrance
as noiseless as possible
It was the evening of that same afternoon on which Mirah had had the
interview with her father Mordecai penetrated by her grief and also by the
sad memories which the incident had awakened had not resumed his task of
sifting papers some of them had fallen scattered on the floor in the first
moments of anxiety and neither he nor Mirah had thought of laying them in order
again They had sat perfectly still together not knowing how long while the
clock ticked on the mantelpiece and the light was fading Mirah unable to
think of the food that she ought to have been taking had not moved since she
had thrown off her dustcloak and sat down beside Mordecai with her hand in his
while he had laid his head backward with closed eyes and difficult breathing
looking Mirah thought as he would look when the soul within him could no
longer live in its straitened home The thought that his death might be near was
continually visiting her when she saw his face in this way without its vivid
animation and now to the rest of her grief was added the regret that she had
been unable to control the violent outburst which had shaken him She sat
watching him her oval cheeks pallid her eyes with the sorrowful brilliancy
left by young tears her curls in as much disorder as a justwakened childs
watching that emaciated face where it might have been imagined that a veil had
been drawn never to be lifted as if it were her dead joy which had left her
strong enough to live on in sorrow And life at that moment stretched before
Mirah with more than a repetition of former sadness The shadow of the father
was there and more than that a double bereavement of one living as well as
one dead
But now the door was opened and while none entered a wellknown voice
said »Daniel Deronda may he come in«
»Come come« said Mordecai immediately rising with an irradiated face and
opened eyes apparently as little surprised as if he had seen Deronda in the
morning and expected this evening visit while Mirah started up blushing with
confused halfalarmed expectation
Yet when Deronda entered the sight of him was like the clearness after
rain no clouds to come could hinder the cherishing beam of that moment As he
held out his right hand to Mirah who was close to her brothers left he laid
his other hand on Mordecais right shoulder and stood so a moment holding them
both at once uttering no word but reading their faces till he said anxiously
to Mirah »Has anything happened any trouble«
»Talk not of trouble now« said Mordecai saving her from the need to
answer »There is joy in your face let the joy be ours«
Mirah thought »It is for something he cannot tell us« But they all sat
down Deronda drawing a chair close in front of Mordecai
»That is true« he said emphatically »I have a joy which will remain to us
even in the worst trouble I did not tell you the reason of my journey abroad
Mordecai because never mind I went to learn my parentage And you were
right I am a Jew«
The two men clasped hands with a movement that seemed part of the flash from
Mordecais eyes and passed through Mirah like an electric shock But Deronda
went on without pause speaking from Mordecais mind as much as from his own
»We have the same people Our souls have the same vocation We shall not be
separated by life or by death«
Mordecais answer was uttered in Hebrew and in no more than a loud whisper
It was in the liturgical words which express the religious bond »Our God and
the God of our fathers«
The weight of feeling pressed too strongly on that readywinged speech which
usually moved in quick adaptation to every stirring of his fervour
Mirah fell on her knees by her brothers side and looked at his now
illuminated face which had just before been so deathly The action was an
inevitable outlet of the violent reversal from despondency to a gladness which
came over her as solemnly as if she had been beholding a religious rite For the
moment she thought of the effect on her own life only through the effect on her
brother
»And it is not only that I am a Jew« Deronda went on enjoying one of those
rare moments when our yearnings and our acts can be completely one and the real
we behold is our ideal good »but I come of a strain that has ardently
maintained the fellowship of our race a line of Spanish Jews that has borne
many students and men of practical power And I possess what will give us a sort
of communion with them My grandfather Daniel Charisi preserved manuscripts
family records stretching far back in the hope that they would pass into the
hands of his grandson And now his hope is fulfilled in spite of attempts to
thwart it by hiding my parentage from me I possess the chest containing them
with his own papers and it is down below in this house I mean to leave it with
you Mordecai that you may help me to study the manuscripts Some of them I can
read easily enough those in Spanish and Italian Others are in Hebrew and I
think Arabic but there seem to be Latin translations I was only able to look
at them cursorily while I stayed at Mainz We will study them together«
Deronda ended with that bright smile which beaming out from the habitual
gravity of his face seemed a revelation the reverse of the continual smile
that discredits all expression But when this happy glance passed from Mordecai
to rest on Mirah it acted like a little too much sunshine and made her change
her attitude She had knelt under an impulse with which any personal
embarrassment was incongruous and especially any thoughts about how Mrs
Grandcourt might stand to this new aspect of things thoughts which made her
colour under Derondas glance and rise to take her seat again in her usual
posture of crossed hands and feet with the effort to look as quiet as possible
Deronda equally sensitive imagined that the feeling of which he was conscious
had entered too much into his eyes and had been repugnant to her He was ready
enough to believe that any unexpected manifestation might spoil her feeling
towards him and then his precious relation to brother and sister would be
marred If Mirah could have no love for him any advances of love on his part
would make her wretched in that continual contact with him which would remain
inevitable
While such feelings were pulsating quickly in Deronda and Mirah Mordecai
seeing nothing in his friends presence and words but a blessed fulfilment was
already speaking with his old sense of enlargement in utterance
»Daniel from the first I have said to you we know not all the pathways
Has there not been a meeting among them as of the operations in one soul where
an idea being born and breathing draws the elements towards it and is fed and
grows For all things are bound together in that Omnipresence which is the place
and habitation of the world and events are as a glass wherethrough our eyes
see some of the pathways And if it seems that the erring and unloving wills of
men have helped to prepare you as Moses was prepared to serve your people the
better that depends on another order than the law which must guide our
footsteps For the evil will of man makes not a peoples good except by stirring
the righteous will of man and beneath all the clouds with which our thought
encompasses the Eternal this is clear that a people can be blessed only by
having counsellors and a multitude whose will moves in obedience to the laws of
justice and love For see now it was your loving will that made a chief
pathway and resisted the effect of evil for by performing the duties of
brotherhood to my sister and seeking out her brother in the flesh your soul
has been prepared to receive with gladness this message of the Eternal behold
the multitude of your brethren«
»It is quite true that you and Mirah have been my teachers« said Deronda
»If this revelation had been made to me before I knew you both I think my mind
would have rebelled against it Perhaps I should have felt then If I could
have chosen I would not have been a Jew What I feel now is that my whole
being is a consent to the fact But it has been the gradual accord between your
mind and mine which has brought about that full consent«
At the moment Deronda was speaking that first evening in the bookshop was
vividly in his remembrance with all the struggling aloofness he had then felt
from Mordecais prophetic confidence It was his nature to delight in satisfying
to the utmost the eagerlyexpectant soul which seemed to be looking out from
the face before him like the longenduring watcher who at last sees the
mounting signalflame and he went on with fuller fervour
»It is through your inspiration that I have discerned what may be my lifes
task It is you who have given shape to what I believe was an inherited
yearning the effect of brooding passionate thoughts in many ancestors
thoughts that seem to have been intensely present in my grandfather Suppose the
stolen offspring of some mountain tribe brought up in a city of the plain or
one with an inherited genius for painting and born blind the ancestral life
would lie within them as a dim longing for unknown objects and sensations and
the spellbound habit of their inherited frames would be like a
cunninglywrought musical instrument never played on but quivering throughout
in uneasy mysterious moanings of its intricate structure that under the right
touch gives music Something like that I think has been my experience Since
I began to read and know I have always longed for some ideal task in which I
might feel myself the heart and brain of a multitude some social captainship
which would come to me as a duty and not be striven for as a personal prize
You have raised the image of such a task for me to bind our race together in
spite of heresy You have said to me Our religion united us before it divided
us it made us a people before it made Rabbanites and Karaites I mean to try
what can be done with that union I mean to work in your spirit Failure will
not be ignoble but it would be ignoble for me not to try«
»Even as my brother that fed at the breasts of my mother« said Mordecai
falling back in his chair with a look of exultant repose as after some finished
labour
To estimate the effect of this ardent outpouring from Deronda we must
remember his former reserve his careful avoidance of premature assent or
delusive encouragement which gave to this decided pledge of himself a
sacramental solemnity both for his own mind and Mordecais On Mirah the effect
was equally strong though with a difference she felt a surprise which had no
place in her brothers mind at Derondas suddenly revealed sense of nearness to
them there seemed to be a breaking of day around her which might show her other
facts unlike her forebodings in the darkness But after a moments silence
Mordecai spoke again
»It has begun already the marriage of our souls It waits but the passing
away of this body and then they who are betrothed shall unite in a stricter
bond and what is mine shall be thine Call nothing mine that I have written
Daniel for though our Masters delivered rightly that everything should be
quoted in the name of him that said it and their rule is good yet it does
not exclude the willing marriage which melts soul into soul and makes thought
fuller as the clear waters are made fuller where the fulness is inseparable and
the clearness is inseparable For I have judged what I have written and I
desire the body that I gave my thought to pass away as this fleshly body will
pass but let the thought be born again from our fuller soul which shall be
called yours«
»You must not ask me to promise that« said Deronda smiling »I must be
convinced first of special reasons for it in the writings themselves And I am
too backward a pupil yet That blent transmission must go on without any choice
of ours but what we cant hinder must not make our rule for what we ought to
choose I think our duty is faithful tradition where we can attain it And so
you would insist for any one but yourself Dont ask me to deny my spiritual
parentage when I am finding the clue of my life in the recognition of my
natural parentage«
»I will ask for no promise till you see the reason« said Mordecai »You
have said the truth I would obey the Masters rule for another But for years
my hope nay my confidence has been not that the imperfect image of my
thought which is as the illshapen work of the youthful carver who has seen a
heavenly pattern and trembles in imitating the vision not that this should
live but that my vision and passion should enter into yours yea into yours
for he whom I longed for afar was he not you whom I discerned as mine when you
came near Nevertheless you shall judge For my soul is satisfied« Mordecai
paused and then began in a changed tone reverting to previous suggestions from
Derondas disclosure »What moved your parents « but he immediately checked
himself and added »Nay I ask not that you should tell me aught concerning
others unless it is your pleasure«
»Some time gradually you will know all« said Deronda »But now tell me
more about yourselves and how the time has passed since I went away I am sure
there has been some trouble Mirah has been in distress about something«
He looked at Mirah but she immediately turned to her brother appealing to
him to give the difficult answer She hoped he would not think it necessary to
tell Deronda the facts about her father on such an evening as this Just when
Deronda had brought himself so near and identified himself with her brother it
was cutting to her that he should hear of this disgrace clinging about them
which seemed to have become partly his To relieve herself she rose to take up
her hat and cloak thinking she would go to her own room perhaps they would
speak more easily when she had left them But meanwhile Mordecai said
»Today there has been a grief A duty which seemed to have gone far into
the distance has come back and turned its face upon us and raised no gladness
has raised a dread that we must submit to But for the moment we are delivered
from any visible yoke Let us defer speaking of it as if this evening which is
deepening about us were the beginning of the festival in which we must offer the
firstfruits of our joy and mingle no mourning with them«
Deronda divined the hinted grief and left it in silence rising as he saw
Mirah rise and saying to her »Are you going I must leave almost immediately
when I and Mrs Adam have mounted the precious chest and I have delivered the
key to Mordecai no Ezra may I call him Ezra now I have learned to think
of him as Ezra since I have heard you call him so«
»Please call him Ezra« said Mirah faintly feeling a new timidity under
Derondas glance and near presence Was there really something different about
him or was the difference only in her feeling The strangely various emotions
of the last few hours had exhausted her she was faint with fatigue and want of
food Deronda observing her pallor and tremulousness longed to show more
feeling but dared not She put out her hand with an effort to smile and then
he opened the door for her That was all
A man of refined pride shrinks from making a lovers approaches to a woman
whose wealth or rank might make them appear presumptuous or lowmotived but
Deronda was finding a more delicate difficulty in a position which
superficially taken was the reverse of that though to an ardent reverential
love the loved woman has always a kind of wealth and rank which makes a man
keenly susceptible about the aspect of his addresses Derondas difficulty was
what any generous man might have felt in some degree but it affected him
peculiarly through his imaginative sympathy with a mind in which gratitude was
strong Mirah he knew felt herself bound to him by deep obligations which to
her sensibilities might give every wish of his the aspect of a claim and an
inability to fulfil it would cause her a pain continually revived by their
inevitable communion in care for Ezra Here were fears not of pride only but of
extreme tenderness Altogether to have the character of a benefactor seemed to
Derondas anxiety an insurmountable obstacle to confessing himself a lover
unless in some inconceivable way it could be revealed to him that Mirahs heart
had accepted him beforehand And the agitation on his own account too was not
small
Even a man who has practised himself in lovemaking till his own glibness
has rendered him sceptical may at last be overtaken by the lovers awe may
tremble stammer and show other signs of recovered sensibility no more in the
range of his acquired talents than pins and needles after numbness how much
more may that energetic timidity possess a man whose inward history has
cherished his susceptibilities instead of dulling them and has kept all the
language of passion fresh and rooted as the lovely leafage about the hillside
spring
As for Mirah her dear head lay on its pillow that night with its former
suspicions thrown out of shape but still present like an ugly story which has
been discredited but not therefore dissipated All that she was certain of about
Deronda seemed to prove that he had no such fetters upon him as she had been
allowing herself to believe in His whole manner as well as his words implied
that there were no hidden bonds remaining to have any effect in determining his
future But notwithstanding this plainly reasonable inference uneasiness still
clung about Mirahs heart Deronda was not to blame but he had an importance
for Mrs Grandcourt which must give her some hold on him And the thought of any
close confidence between them stirred the little biting snake that had long lain
curled and harmless in Mirahs gentle bosom
But did she this evening feel as completely as before that her jealousy was
no less remote from any possibility for herself personally than if her human
soul had been lodged in the body of a fawn that Deronda had saved from the
archers Hardly Something indefinable had happened and made a difference The
soft warm rain of blossoms which had fallen just where she was did it really
come because she was there What spirit was there among the boughs
Chapter LXIV
»Questa montagna è tale
Che sempre al cominciar di sotto è grave
E quanto uom più va su e men fa male«
Dante Il Purgatorio
It was not many days after her mothers arrival that Gwendolen would consent to
remain at Genoa Her desire to get away from that gem of the sea helped to
rally her strength and courage For what place though it were the flowery vale
of Enna may not the inward sense turn into a circle of punishment where the
flowers are no better than a crop of flametongues burning the soles of our
feet
»I shall never like to see the Mediterranean again« said Gwendolen to her
mother who thought that she quite understood her childs feeling even in her
tacit prohibition of any express reference to her late husband
Mrs Davilow indeed though compelled formally to regard this time as one
of severe calamity was virtually enjoying her life more than she had ever done
since her daughters marriage It seemed that her darling was brought back to
her not merely with all the old affection but with a conscious cherishing of
her mothers nearness such as we give to a possession that we have been on the
brink of losing
»Are you there mamma« cried Gwendolen in the middle of the night a bed
had been made for her mother in the same room with hers very much as she would
have done in her early girlhood if she had felt frightened in lying awake
»Yes dear can I do anything for you«
»No thank you only I like so to know you are there Do you mind my waking
you« This question would hardly have been Gwendolens in her early girlhood
»I was not asleep darling«
»It seemed not real that you were with me I wanted to make it real I can
bear things if you are with me But you must not lie awake being anxious about
me You must be happy now You must let me make you happy now at last else
what shall I do«
»God bless you dear I have the best happiness I can have when you make
much of me«
But the next night hearing that she was sighing and restless Mrs Davilow
said »Let me give you your sleepingdraught Gwendolen«
»No mamma thank you I dont want to sleep«
»It would be so good for you to sleep more my darling«
»Dont say what would be good for me mamma« Gwendolen answered
impetuously »You dont know what would be good for me You and my uncle must
not contradict me and tell me anything is good for me when I feel it is not
good«
Mrs Davilow was silent not wondering that the poor child was irritable
Presently Gwendolen said
»I was always naughty to you mamma«
»No dear no«
»Yes I was« said Gwendolen insistently »It is because I was always
wicked that I am miserable now«
She burst into sobs and cries The determination to be silent about all the
facts of her married life and its close reacted in these escapes of enigmatic
excitement
But dim lights of interpretation were breaking on the mothers mind through
the information that came from Sir Hugo to Mr Gascoigne and with some
omissions from Mr Gascoigne to herself The goodnatured baronet while he was
attending to all decent measures in relation to his nephews death and the
possible washing ashore of the body thought it the kindest thing he could do to
use his present friendly intercourse with the Rector as an opportunity for
communicating to him in the mildest way the purport of Grandcourts will so
as to save him the additional shock that would be in store for him if he carried
his illusions all the way home Perhaps Sir Hugo would have been communicable
enough without that kind motive but he really felt the motive He broke the
unpleasant news to the Rector by degrees at first he only implied his fear that
the widow was not so splendidly provided for as Mr Gascoigne nay as the
baronet himself had expected and only at last after some previous vague
reference to large claims on Grandcourt he disclosed the prior relations which
in the unfortunate absence of a legitimate heir had determined all the
splendour in another direction
The Rector was deeply hurt and remembered more vividly than he had ever
done before how offensively proud and repelling the manners of the deceased had
been towards him remembered also that he himself in that interesting period
just before the arrival of the new occupant at Diplow had received hints of
former entangling dissipations and an undue addiction to pleasure though he
had not foreseen that the pleasure which had probably so to speak been swept
into private rubbishheaps would ever present itself as an array of live
caterpillars disastrous to the green meat of respectable people But he did not
make these retrospective thoughts audible to Sir Hugo or lower himself by
expressing any indignation on merely personal grounds but behaved like a man of
the world who had become a conscientious clergyman His first remark was
»When a young man makes his will in health he usually counts on living a
long while Probably Mr Grandcourt did not believe that this will would ever
have its present effect« After a moment he added »The effect is painful in
more ways than one Female morality is likely to suffer from this marked
advantage and prominence being given to illegitimate offspring«
»Well in point of fact« said Sir Hugo in his comfortable way »since the
boy is there this was really the best alternative for the disposal of the
estates Grandcourt had nobody nearer than his cousin And its a chilling
thought that you go out of this life only for the benefit of a cousin A man
gets a little pleasure in making his will if its for the good of his own curly
heads but its a nuisance when youre giving and bequeathing to a usedup
fellow like yourself and one you dont care two straws for Its the next worse
thing to having only a life interest in your estates No I forgive Grandcourt
for that part of his will But between ourselves what I dont forgive him for
is the shabby way he has provided for your niece our niece I will say no
better a position than if she had been a doctors widow Nothing grates on me
more than that posthumous grudgingness towards a wife A man ought to have some
pride and fondness for his widow I should I know I take it as a test of a
man that he feels the easier about his death when he can think of his wife and
daughters being comfortable after it I like that story of the fellows in the
Crimean war who were ready to go to the bottom of the sea if their widows were
provided for«
»It has certainly taken me by surprise« said Mr Gascoigne »all the more
because as the one who stood in the place of father to my niece I had shown my
reliance on Mr Grandcourts apparent liberality in money matters by making no
claims for her beforehand That seemed to me due to him under the circumstances
Probably you think me blamable«
»Not blamable exactly I respect a man for trusting another But take my
advice If you marry another niece though it may be to the Archbishop of
Canterbury bind him down Your niece cant be married for the first time twice
over And if hes a good fellow hell wish to be bound But as to Mrs
Grandcourt I can only say that I feel my relation to her all the nearer because
I think that she has not been well treated And I hope you will urge her to rely
on me as a friend«
Thus spake the chivalrous Sir Hugo in his disgust at the young and
beautiful widow of a Mallinger Grandcourt being left with only two thousand
ayear and a house in a coalmining district To the Rector that income
naturally appeared less shabby and less accompanied with mortifying privations
but in this conversation he had devoured a much keener sense than the baronets
of the humiliation cast over his niece and also over her nearest friends by
the conspicuous publishing of her husbands relation to Mrs Glasher And like
all men who are good husbands and fathers he felt the humiliation through the
minds of the women who would be chiefly affected by it so that the annoyance of
first hearing the facts was far slighter than what he felt in communicating them
to Mrs Davilow and in anticipating Gwendolens feeling whenever her mother saw
fit to tell her of them For the good Rector had an innocent conviction that his
niece was unaware of Mrs Glashers existence arguing with masculine soundness
from what maidens and wives were likely to know do and suffer and having had
a most imperfect observation of the particular maiden and wife in question Not
so Gwendolens mother who now thought that she saw an explanation of much that
had been enigmatic in her childs conduct and words before and after her
engagement concluding that in some inconceivable way Gwendolen had been
informed of this lefthanded marriage and the existence of the children She
trusted to opportunities that would arise in moments of affectionate confidence
before and during their journey to England when she might gradually learn how
far the actual state of things was clear to Gwendolen and prepare her for
anything that might be a disappointment But she was spared from devices on the
subject
»I hope you dont expect that I am going to be rich and grand mamma« said
Gwendolen not long after the Rectors communication »perhaps I shall have
nothing at all«
She was drest and had been sitting long in quiet meditation Mrs Davilow
was startled but said after a moments reflection
»Oh yes dear you will have something Sir Hugo knows all about the will«
»That will not decide« said Gwendolen abruptly
»Surely dear Sir Hugo says you are to have two thousand ayear and the
house at Gadsmere«
»What I have will depend on what I accept« said Gwendolen »You and my
uncle must not attempt to cross me and persuade me about this I will do
everything I can do to make you happy but in anything about my husband I must
not be interfered with Is eight hundred ayear enough for you mamma«
»More than enough dear You must not think of giving me so much« Mrs
Davilow paused a little and then said »Do you know who is to have the estates
and the rest of the money«
»Yes« said Gwendolen waving her hand in dismissal of the subject »I know
everything It is all perfectly right and I wish never to have it mentioned«
The mother was silent looked away and rose to fetch a fanscreen with a
slight flush on her delicate cheeks Wondering imagining she did not like to
meet her daughters eyes and sat down again under a sad constraint What
wretchedness her child had perhaps gone through which yet must remain as it
always had been locked away from their mutual speech But Gwendolen was
watching her mother with that new divination which experience had given her and
in tender relenting at her own peremptoriness she said »Come and sit nearer to
me mamma and dont be unhappy«
Mrs Davilow did as she was told but bit her lips in the vain attempt to
hinder smarting tears Gwendolen leaned towards her caressingly and said »I
mean to be very wise I do really And good oh so good to you dear old
sweet mamma you wont know me Only you must not cry«
The resolve that Gwendolen had in her mind was that she would ask Deronda
whether she ought to accept any of her husbands money whether she might
accept what would enable her to provide for her mother The poor thing felt
strong enough to do anything that would give her a higher place in Derondas
mind
An invitation that Sir Hugo pressed on her with kind urgency was that she
and Mrs Davilow should go straight with him to Park Lane and make his house
their abode as long as mourning and other details needed attending to in London
Town he insisted was just then the most retired of places and he proposed to
exert himself at once in getting all articles belonging to Gwendolen away from
the house in Grosvenor Square No proposal could have suited her better than
this of staying a little while in Park Lane It would be easy for her there to
have an interview with Deronda if she only knew how to get a letter into his
hands asking him to come to her During the journey Sir Hugo having understood
that she was acquainted with the purport of her husbands will ventured to talk
before her and to her about her future arrangements referring here and there to
mildly agreeable prospects as matters of course and otherwise shedding a
decorous cheerfulness over her widowed position It seemed to him really the
more graceful course for a widow to recover her spirits on finding that her
husband had not dealt as handsomely by her as he might have done it was the
testators fault if he compromised all her grief at his departure by giving a
testamentary reason for it so that she might be supposed to look sad not
because he had left her but because he had left her poor The baronet having
his kindliness doubly fanned by the favourable wind on his own fortunes and by
compassion for Gwendolen had become quite fatherly in his behaviour to her
called her »my dear« and in mentioning Gadsmere to Mr Gascoigne with its
various advantages and disadvantages spoke of what »we« might do to make the
best of that property Gwendolen sat by in pale silence while Sir Hugo with his
face turned towards Mrs Davilow or Mr Gascoigne conjectured that Mrs
Grandcourt might perhaps prefer letting Gadsmere to residing there during any
part of the year in which case he thought that it might be leased on capital
terms to one of the fellows engaged with the coal Sir Hugo had seen enough of
the place to know that it was as comfortable and picturesque a box as any man
need desire providing his desires were circumscribed within a coal area
»I shouldnt mind about the soot myself« said the baronet with that
dispassionateness which belongs to the potential mood »Nothing is more healthy
And if ones business lay there Gadsmere would be a paradise It makes quite a
feature in Scroggs history of the county with the little tower and the fine
piece of water the prettiest print in the book«
»A more important place than Offendene I suppose« said Mr Gascoigne
»Much« said the baronet decisively »I was there with my poor brother it
is more than a quarter of a century ago but I remember it very well The rooms
may not be larger but the grounds are on a different scale«
»Our poor dear Offendene is empty after all« said Mrs Davilow »When it
came to the point Mr Haynes declared off and there has been no one to take it
since I might as well have accepted Lord Brackenshaws kind offer that I should
remain in it another year rentfree for I should have kept the place aired and
warmed«
»I hope you have got something snug instead« said Sir Hugo
»A little too snug« said Mr Gascoigne smiling at his sisterinlaw »You
are rather thick upon the ground«
Gwendolen had turned with a changed glance when her mother spoke of
Offendene being empty This conversation passed during one of the long
unaccountable pauses often experienced in foreign trains at some country
station There was a dreamy sunny stillness over the hedgeless fields
stretching to the boundary of poplars and to Gwendolen the talk within the
carriage seemed only to make the dreamland larger with an indistinct region of
coalpits and a purgatorial Gadsmere which she would never visit till at her
mothers words this mingled dozing view seemed to dissolve and give way to a
more wakeful vision of Offendene and Pennicote under their cooler lights She
saw the grey shoulders of the downs the cattlespecked fields the shadowy
plantations with rutted lanes where the barked timber lay for a wayside seat
the neatlyclipped hedges on the road from the parsonage to Offendene the
avenue where she was gradually discerned from the windows the halldoor
opening and her mother or one of the troublesome sisters coming out to meet
her All that brief experience of a quiet home which had once seemed a dulness
to be fled from now came back to her as a restful escape a station where she
found the breath of morning and the unreproaching voice of birds after
following a lure through a long Satanic masquerade which she had entered on
with an intoxicated belief in its disguises and had seen the end of in
shrieking fear lest she herself had become one of the evil spirits who were
dropping their human mummery and hissing around her with serpent tongues
In this way Gwendolens mind paused over Offendene and made it the scene of
many thoughts but she gave no further outward sign of interest in this
conversation any more than in Sir Hugos opinion on the telegraphic cable or
her uncles views of the Church Rate Abolition Bill What subjects will not our
talk embrace in leisurely dayjourneying from Genoa to London Even strangers
after glancing from China to Peru and opening their mental stores with a
liberality threatening a mutual impression of poverty on any future meeting are
liable to become excessively confidential But the baronet and the Rector were
under a still stronger pressure towards cheerful communication they were like
acquaintances compelled to a long drive in a mourningcoach who having first
remarked that the occasion is a melancholy one naturally proceed to enliven it
by the most miscellaneous discourse »I dont mind telling you« said Sir Hugo
to the Rector in mentioning some private detail while the Rector without
saying so did not mind telling the baronet about his sons and the difficulty
of placing them in the world By dint of discussing all persons and things
within drivingreach of Diplow Sir Hugo got himself wrought to a pitch of
interest in that former home and of conviction that it was his pleasant duty to
regain and strengthen his personal influence in the neighbourhood that made him
declare his intention of taking his family to the place for a month or two
before the autumn was over and Mr Gascoigne cordially rejoiced in that
prospect Altogether the journey was continued and ended with mutual liking
between the male fellowtravellers
Meanwhile Gwendolen sat by like one who had visited the spiritworld and was
full to the lips of an unutterable experience that threw a strange unreality
over all the talk she was hearing of her own and the worlds business and Mrs
Davilow was chiefly occupied in imagining what her daughter was feeling and in
wondering what was signified by her hinted doubt whether she would accept her
husbands bequest Gwendolen in fact had before her the unscaled wall of an
immediate purpose shutting off every other resolution How to scale the wall
She wanted again to see and consult Deronda that she might secure herself
against any act he would disapprove Would her remorse have maintained its power
within her or would she have felt absolved by secrecy if it had not been for
that outer conscience which was made for her by Deronda It is hard to say how
much we could forgive ourselves if we were secure from judgment by another whose
opinion is the breathingmedium of all our joy who brings to us with close
pressure and immediate sequence that judgment of the Invisible and Universal
which selfflattery and the worlds tolerance would easily melt and disperse In
this way our brother may be in the stead of God to us and his opinion which has
pierced even to the joints and marrow may be our virtue in the making That
mission of Deronda to Gwendolen had begun with what she had felt to be his
judgment of her at the gamingtable He might easily have spoiled it much of
our lives is spent in marring our own influence and turning others belief in us
into a widely concluding unbelief which they call knowledge of the world while
it is really disappointment in you or me Deronda had not spoiled his mission
But Gwendolen had forgotten to ask him for his address in case she wanted to
write and her only way of reaching him was through Sir Hugo She was not in the
least blind to the construction that all witnesses might put on her giving signs
of dependence on Deronda and her seeking him more than he sought her
Grandcourts rebukes had sufficiently enlightened her pride But the force the
tenacity of her nature had thrown itself into that dependence and she would no
more let go her hold on Derondas help or deny herself the interview her soul
needed because of witnesses than if she had been in prison in danger of being
condemned to death When she was in Park Lane and knew that the baronet would be
going down to the Abbey immediately just to see his family for a couple of days
and then return to transact needful business for Gwendolen she said to him
without any air of hesitation while her mother was present
»Sir Hugo I wish to see Mr Deronda again as soon as possible I dont know
his address Will you tell it me or let him know that I want to see him«
A quick thought passed across Sir Hugos face but made no difference to the
ease with which he said »Upon my word I dont know whether hes at his
chambers or the Abbey at this moment But Ill make sure of him Ill send a
note now to his chambers telling him to come and if hes at the Abbey I can
give him your message and send him up at once I am sure he will want to obey
your wish« the baronet ended with grave kindness as if nothing could seem to
him more in the appropriate course of things than that she should send such a
message
But he was convinced that Gwendolen had a passionate attachment to Deronda
the seeds of which had been laid long ago and his former suspicion now recurred
to him with more strength than ever that her feeling was likely to lead her
into imprudences in which kindhearted Sir Hugo was determined to screen and
defend her as far as lay in his power To him it was as pretty a story as need
be that this fine creature and his favourite Dan should have turned out to be
formed for each other and that the unsuitable husband should have made his exit
in such excellent time Sir Hugo liked that a charming woman should be made as
happy as possible In truth what most vexed his mind in this matter at present
was a doubt whether the too lofty and inscrutable Dan had not got some scheme or
other in his head which would prove to be dearer to him than the lovely Mrs
Grandcourt and put that neatlyprepared marriage with her out of the question
It was among the usual paradoxes of feeling that Sir Hugo who had given his
fatherly cautions to Deronda against too much tenderness in his relations with
the bride should now feel rather irritated against him by the suspicion that he
had not fallen in love as he ought to have done Of course all this thinking on
Sir Hugos part was eminently premature only a fortnight or so after
Grandcourts death But it is the trick of thinking to be either premature or
behindhand
However he sent the note to Derondas chambers and it found him there
Chapter LXV
»O welcome pureeyed Faith whitehanded Hope
Thou hovering angel girt with golden wings«
Milton
Deronda did not obey Gwendolens new summons without some agitation Not his
vanity but his keen sympathy made him susceptible to the danger that anothers
heart might feel larger demands on him than he would be able to fulfil and it
was no longer a matter of argument with him but of penetrating consciousness
that Gwendolens soul clung to his with a passionate need We do not argue the
existence of the anger or the scorn that thrills through us in a voice we
simply feel it and it admits of no disproof Deronda felt this womans destiny
hanging on his over a precipice of despair Any one who knows him cannot wonder
at his inward confession that if all this had happened little more than a year
ago he would hardly have asked himself whether he loved her the impetuous
determining impulse which would have moved him would have been to save her from
sorrow to shelter her life for evermore from the dangers of loneliness and
carry out to the last the rescue he had begun in that monitory redemption of the
necklace But now love and duty had thrown other bonds around him and that
impulse could no longer determine his life still it was present in him as a
compassionate yearning a painful quivering at the very imagination of having
again and again to meet the appeal of her eyes and words The very strength of
the bond the certainty of the resolve that kept him asunder from her made him
gaze at her lot apart with the more aching pity
He awaited her coming in the back drawingroom part of that white and
crimson space where they had sat together at the musical party where Gwendolen
had said for the first time that her lot depended on his not forsaking her and
her appeal had seemed to melt into the melodic cry Per pietà non dirmi addio
But the melody had come from Mirahs dear voice
Deronda walked about this room which he had for years known by heart with
a strange sense of metamorphosis in his own life The familiar objects around
him from Lady Mallingers gently smiling portrait to the also human and urbane
faces of the lions on the pilasters of the chimneypiece seemed almost to
belong to a previous state of existence which he was revisiting in memory only
not in reality so deep and transforming had been the impressions he had lately
experienced so new were the conditions under which he found himself in the
house he had been accustomed to think of as a home standing with his hat in
his hand awaiting the entrance of a young creature whose life had also been
undergoing a transformation a tragic transformation towards a wavering result
in which he felt with apprehensiveness that his own action was still bound up
But Gwendolen was come in looking changed not only by her mourning dress
but by a more satisfied quietude of expression than he had seen in her face at
Genoa Her satisfaction was that Deronda was there but there was no smile
between them as they met and clasped hands each was full of remembrances full
of anxious prevision She said »It was good of you to come Let us sit down«
immediately seating herself in the nearest chair He placed himself opposite to
her
»I asked you to come because I want you to tell me what I ought to do« she
began at once »Dont be afraid of telling me what you think is right because
it seems hard I have made up my mind to do it I was afraid once of being poor
I could not bear to think of being under other people and that was why I did
something why I married I have borne worse things now I think I could bear
to be poor if you think I ought Do you know about my husbands will«
»Yes Sir Hugo told me« said Deronda already guessing the question she had
to ask
»Ought I to take anything he has left me I will tell you what I have been
thinking« said Gwendolen with a more nervous eagerness »Perhaps you may not
quite know that I really did think a good deal about my mother when I married I
was selfish but I did love her and feel about her poverty and what comforted
me most at first when I was miserable was her being better off because I had
married The thing that would be hardest to me now would be to see her in
poverty again and I have been thinking that if I took enough to provide for
her and no more nothing for myself it would not be wrong for I was very
precious to my mother and he took me from her and he meant and if she had
known «
Gwendolen broke off She had been preparing herself for this interview by
thinking of hardly anything else than this question of right towards her mother
but the question had carried with it thoughts and reasons which it was
impossible for her to utter and these perilous remembrances swarmed between her
words making her speech more and more agitated and tremulous She looked down
helplessly at her hands now unladen of all rings except her weddingring
»Do not hurt yourself by speaking of that« said Deronda tenderly »There
is no need the case is very simple I think I can hardly judge wrongly about
it You consult me because I am the only person to whom you have confided the
most painful part of your experience and I can understand your scruples« He
did not go on immediately waiting for her to recover herself The silence
seemed to Gwendolen full of the tenderness that she heard in his voice and she
had courage to lift up her eyes and look at him as he said »You are conscious
of something which you feel to be a crime towards one who is dead You think
that you have forfeited all claim as a wife You shrink from taking what was
his You want to keep yourself pure from profiting by his death Your feeling
even urges you to some selfpunishment some scourging of the self that
disobeyed your better will the will that struggled against temptation I have
known something of that myself Do I understand you«
»Yes at least I want to be good not like what I have been« said
Gwendolen »I will try to bear what you think I ought to bear I have tried to
tell you the worst about myself What ought I to do«
»If no one but yourself were concerned in this question of income« said
Deronda »I should hardly dare to urge you against any remorseful prompting but
I take as a guide now your feeling about Mrs Davilow which seems to me quite
just I cannot think that your husbands dues even to yourself are nullified by
any act you have committed He voluntarily entered into your life and affected
its course in what is always the most momentous way But setting that aside it
was due from him in his position that he should provide for your mother and he
of course understood that if this will took effect she would share the provision
he had made for you«
»She has had eight hundred ayear What I thought of was to take that and
leave the rest« said Gwendolen She had been so long inwardly arguing for this
as a permission that her mind could not at once take another attitude
»I think it is not your duty to fix a limit in that way« said Deronda
»You would be making a painful enigma for Mrs Davilow an income from which you
shut yourself out must be embittered to her And your own course would become
too difficult We agreed at Genoa that the burthen on your conscience is what no
one ought to be admitted to the knowledge of The future beneficence of your
life will be best furthered by your saving all others from the pain of that
knowledge In my opinion you ought simply to abide by the provisions of your
husbands will and let your remorse tell only on the use that you will make of
your monetary independence«
In uttering the last sentence Deronda automatically took up his hat which
he had laid on the floor beside him Gwendolen sensitive to his slightest
movement felt her heart giving a great leap as if it too had a consciousness
of its own and would hinder him from going in the same moment she rose from
her chair unable to reflect that the movement was an acceptance of his apparent
intention to leave her and Deronda of course also rose advancing a little
»I will do what you tell me« said Gwendolen hurriedly »but what else
shall I do« No other than these simple words were possible to her and even
these were too much for her in a state of emotion where her proud secrecy was
disenthroned as the childlike sentences fell from her lips they reacted on her
like a picture of her own helplessness and she could not check the sob which
sent the large tears to her eyes Deronda too felt a crushing pain but
imminent consequences were visible to him and urged him to the utmost exertion
of conscience When she had pressed her tears away he said in a gently
questioning tone
»You will probably be soon going with Mrs Davilow into the country«
»Yes in a week or ten days« Gwendolen waited an instant turning her eyes
vaguely towards the window as if looking at some imagined prospect »I want to
be kind to them all they can be happier than I can Is that the best I can
do«
»I think so It is a duty that cannot be doubtful« said Deronda He paused
a little between his sentences feeling a weight of anxiety on all his words
»Other duties will spring from it Looking at your life as a debt may seem the
dreariest view of things at a distance but it cannot really be so What makes
life dreary is the want of motive but once beginning to act with that
penitential loving purpose you have in your mind there will be unexpected
satisfactions there will be newlyopening needs continually coming to carry
you on from day to day You will find your life growing like a plant«
Gwendolen turned her eyes on him with the look of one athirst towards the
sound of unseen waters Deronda felt the look as if she had been stretching her
arms towards him from a forsaken shore His voice took an affectionate
imploringness when he said
»This sorrow which has cut down to the root has come to you while you are
so young try to think of it not as a spoiling of your life but as a
preparation for it Let it be a preparation « Any one overhearing his tones
would have thought he was entreating for his own happiness »See you have been
saved from the worst evils that might have come from your marriage which you
feel was wrong You have had a vision of injurious selfish action a vision of
possible degradation think that a severe angel seeing you along the road of
error grasped you by the wrist and showed you the horror of the life you must
avoid And it has come to you in your springtime Think of it as a preparation
You can you will be among the best of women such as make others glad that
they were born«
The words were like the touch of a miraculous hand to Gwendolen Mingled
emotions streamed through her frame with a strength that seemed the beginning of
a new existence having some new powers or other which stirred in her vaguely
So pregnant is the divine hope of moral recovery with the energy that fulfils
it So potent in us is the infused action of another soul before which we bow
in complete love But the new existence seemed inseparable from Deronda the
hope seemed to make his presence permanent It was not her thought that he
loved her and would cling to her a thought would have tottered with
improbability it was her spiritual breath For the first time since that
terrible moment on the sea a flush rose and spread over her cheek brow and
neck deepened an instant or two and then gradually disappeared She did not
speak
Deronda advanced and put out his hand saying »I must not weary you«
She was startled by the sense that he was going and put her hand in his
still without speaking
»You look ill yet unlike yourself« he added while he held her hand
»I cant sleep much« she answered with some return of her dispirited
manner »Things repeat themselves in me so They come back they will all come
back« she ended shudderingly a chill fear threatening her
»By degrees they will be less insistent« said Deronda He could not drop
her hand or move away from her abruptly
»Sir Hugo says he shall come to stay at Diplow« said Gwendolen snatching
at previously intended words which had slipped away from her »You will come
too«
»Probably« said Deronda and then feeling that the word was cold he added
correctively »Yes I shall come« and then released her hand with the final
friendly pressure of one who has virtually said goodbye
»And not again here before I leave town« said Gwendolen with timid
sadness looking as pallid as ever
What could Deronda say »If I can be of any use if you wish me certainly
I will«
»I must wish it« said Gwendolen impetuously »you know I must wish it
What strength have I Who else is there« Again a sob was rising
Deronda felt a pang which showed itself in his face He looked miserable as
he said »I will certainly come«
Gwendolen perceived the change in his face but the intense relief of
expecting him to come again could not give way to any other feeling and there
was a recovery of the inspired hope and courage in her
»Dont be unhappy about me« she said in a tone of affectionate assurance
»I shall remember your words every one of them I shall remember what you
believe about me I shall try«
She looked at him firmly and put out her hand again as if she had forgotten
what had passed since those words of his which she promised to remember But
there was no approach to a smile on her lips She had never smiled since her
husbands death When she stood still and in silence she looked like a
melancholy statue of the Gwendolen whose laughter had once been so ready when
others were grave
It is only by remembering the searching anguish which had changed the aspect
of the world for her that we can understand her behaviour to Deronda the
unreflecting openness nay the importunate pleading with which she expressed
her dependence on him Considerations such as would have filled the minds of
indifferent spectators could not occur to her any more than if flames had been
mounting around her and she had flung herself into his opened arms and clung
about his neck that he might carry her into safety She identified him with the
struggling regenerative process in her which had begun with his action Is it
any wonder that she saw her own necessity reflected in his feeling She was in
that state of unconscious reliance and expectation which is a common experience
with us when we are preoccupied with our own trouble or our own purposes We
diffuse our feeling over others and count on their acting from our motives Her
imagination had not been turned to a future union with Deronda by any other than
the spiritual tie which had been continually strengthening but also it had not
been turned towards a future separation from him Lovemaking and marriage how
could they now be the imagery in which poor Gwendolens deepest attachment could
spontaneously clothe itself Mighty Love had laid his hand upon her but what
had he demanded of her Acceptance of rebuke the hard task of selfchange
confession endurance If she cried towards him what then She cried as the
child cries whose little feet have fallen backward cried to be taken by the
hand lest she should lose herself
The cry pierced Deronda What position could have been more difficult for a
man full of tenderness yet with clear foresight He was the only creature who
knew the real nature of Gwendolens trouble to withdraw himself from any appeal
of hers would be to consign her to a dangerous loneliness He could not
reconcile himself to the cruelty of apparently rejecting her dependence on him
and yet in the nearer or farther distance he saw a coming wrench which all
present strengthening of their bond would make the harder
He was obliged to risk that He went once and again to Park Lane before
Gwendolen left but their interviews were in the presence of Mrs Davilow and
were therefore less agitating Gwendolen since she had determined to accept her
income had conceived a project which she liked to speak of it was to place
her mother and sisters with herself in Offendene again and as she said piece
back her life on to that time when they first went there and when everything
was happiness about her only she did not know it The idea had been mentioned
to Sir Hugo who was going to exert himself about the letting of Gadsmere for a
rent which would more than pay the rent of Offendene All this was told to
Deronda who willingly dwelt on a subject that seemed to give some soothing
occupation to Gwendolen He said nothing and she asked nothing of what chiefly
occupied himself Her mind was fixed on his coming to Diplow before the autumn
was over and she no more thought of the Lapidoths the little Jewess and her
brother as likely to make a difference in her destiny than of the fermenting
political and social leaven which was making a difference in the history of the
world In fact poor Gwendolens memory had been stunned and all outside the
lavalit track of her troubled conscience and her effort to get deliverance
from it lay for her in dim forgetfulness
Chapter LXVI
»One day still fierce mid many a day struck calm«
Browning The Ring and the Book
Meanwhile Ezra and Mirah whom Gwendolen did not include in her thinking about
Deronda were having their relation to him drawn closer and brought into fuller
light
The father Lapidoth had quitted his daughter at the doorstep ruled by that
possibility of staking something in play or betting which presented itself with
the handling of any sum beyond the price of staying actual hunger and left no
care for alternative prospects or resolutions Until he had lost everything he
never considered whether he would apply to Mirah again or whether he would brave
his sons presence In the first moment he had shrunk from encountering Ezra as
he would have shrunk from any other situation of disagreeable constraint and
the possession of Mirahs purse was enough to banish the thought of future
necessities The gambling appetite is more absolutely dominant than bodily
hunger which can be neutralised by an emotional or intellectual excitation but
the passion for watching chances the habitual suspensive poise of the mind in
actual or imaginary play nullifies the susceptibility to other excitation In
its final imperious stage it seems the unjoyous dissipation of demons seeking
diversion on the burning marl of perdition
But every form of selfishness however abstract and unhuman requires the
support of at least one meal aday and though Lapidoths appetite for food and
drink was extremely moderate he had slipped into a shabby unfriended form of
life in which the appetite could not be satisfied without some ready money
When in a brief visit at a house which announced »Pyramids« on the
windowblind he had first doubled and trebled and finally lost Mirahs thirty
shillings he went out with her empty purse in his pocket already balancing in
his mind whether he should get another immediate stake by pawning the purse or
whether he should go back to her giving himself a good countenance by restoring
the purse and declaring that he had used the money in paying a score that was
standing against him Besides among the sensibilities still left strong in
Lapidoth was the sensibility to his own claims and he appeared to himself to
have a claim on any property his children might possess which was stronger than
the justice of his sons resentment After all to take up his lodging with his
children was the best thing he could do and the more he thought of meeting Ezra
the less he winced from it his imagination being more wrought on by the chances
of his getting something into his pocket with safety and without exertion than
by the threat of a private humiliation Luck had been against him lately he
expected it to turn and might not the turn begin with some opening of supplies
which would present itself through his daughters affairs and the good friends
she had spoken of Lapidoth counted on the fascination of his cleverness an
old habit of mind which early experience had sanctioned and it is not only
women who are unaware of their diminished charm or imagine that they can feign
not to be worn out
The result of Lapidoths rapid balancing was that he went towards the little
square in Brompton with the hope that by walking about and watching he might
catch sight of Mirah going out or returning in which case his entrance into the
house would be made easier But it was already evening the evening of the day
next to that on which he had first seen her and after a little waiting
weariness made him reflect that he might ring and if she were not at home he
might ask the time at which she was expected But on coming near the house he
knew that she was at home he heard her singing
Mirah seated at the piano was pouring forth »Herz mein Herz« while Ezra
was listening with his eyes shut when Mrs Adam opened the door and said in
some embarrassment
»A gentleman below says he is your father miss«
»I will go down to him« said Mirah starting up immediately and looking
towards her brother
»No Mirah not so« said Ezra with decision »Let him come up Mrs Adam«
Mirah stood with her hands pinching each other and feeling sick with
anxiety while she continued looking at Ezra who had also risen and was
evidently much shaken But there was an expression in his face which she had
never seen before his brow was knit his lips seemed hardened with the same
severity that gleamed from his eyes
When Mrs Adam opened the door to let in the father she could not help
casting a look at the group and after glancing from the younger man to the
elder said to herself as she closed the door »Father sure enough« The
likeness was that of outline which is always most striking at the first moment
the expression had been wrought into the strongest contrast by such hidden or
inconspicuous differences as can make the genius of a Cromwell within the
outward type of a father who was no more than a respectable parishioner
Lapidoth had put on a melancholy expression beforehand but there was some
real wincing in his frame as he said
»Well Ezra my boy you hardly know me after so many years«
»I know you too well father« said Ezra with a slow biting solemnity
which made the word father a reproach
»Ah you are not pleased with me I dont wonder at it Appearances have
been against me When a man gets into straits he cant do just as he would by
himself or anybody else Ive suffered enough I know« said Lapidoth quickly
In speaking he always recovered some glibness and hardihood and now turning
towards Mirah he held out her purse saying »Heres your little purse my
dear I thought youd be anxious about it because of that bit of writing Ive
emptied it youll see for I had a score to pay for food and lodging I knew
you would like me to clear myself and here I stand without a single farthing
in my pocket at the mercy of my children You can turn me out if you like
without getting a policeman Say the word Mirah say Father Ive had enough
of you you made a pet of me and spent your all on me when I couldnt have
done without you but I can do better without you now say that and Im gone
out like a spark I shant spoil your pleasure again« The tears were in his
voice as usual before he had finished
»You know I could never say it father« answered Mirah with not the less
anguish because she felt the falsity of everything in his speech except the
implied wish to remain in the house
»Mirah my sister leave us« said Ezra in a tone of authority
She looked at her brother falteringly beseechingly in awe of his
decision yet unable to go without making a plea for this father who was like
something that had grown in her flesh with pain but that she could never have
cut away without worse pain She went close to her brother and putting her hand
in his said in a low voice but not so low as to be unheard by Lapidoth
»Remember Ezra you said my mother would not have shut him out«
»Trust me and go« said Ezra
She left the room but after going a few steps up the stairs sat down with
a palpitating heart If because of anything her brother said to him he went
away
Lapidoth had some sense of what was being prepared for him in his sons
mind but he was beginning to adjust himself to the situation and find a point
of view that would give him a cool superiority to any attempt at humiliating
him This haggard son speaking as from a sepulchre had the incongruity which
selfish levity learns to see in suffering and death until the unrelenting
pincers of disease clutch its own flesh Whatever preaching he might deliver
must be taken for a matter of course as a man finding shelter from hail in an
open cathedral might take a little religious howling that happened to be going
on there
Lapidoth was not born with this sort of callousness he had achieved it
»This home that we have here« Ezra began »is maintained partly by the
generosity of a beloved friend who supports me and partly by the labours of my
sister who supports herself While we have a home we will not shut you out from
it We will not cast you out to the mercy of your vices For you are our father
and though you have broken your bond we acknowledge ours But I will never
trust you You absconded with money leaving your debts unpaid you forsook my
mother you robbed her of her little child and broke her heart you have become
a gambler and where shame and conscience were there sits an insatiable desire
you were ready to sell my sister you had sold her but the price was denied
you The man who has done these things must never expect to be trusted any more
We will share our food with you you shall have a bed and clothing We will do
this duty to you because you are our father But you will never be trusted You
are an evil man you made the misery of our mother That such a man is our
father is a brand on our flesh which will not cease smarting But the Eternal
has laid it upon us and though human justice were to flog you for crimes and
your body fell helpless before the public scorn we would still say This is
our father make way that we may carry him out of your sight «
Lapidoth in adjusting himself to what was coming had not been able to
foresee the exact intensity of the lightning or the exact course it would take
that it would not fall outside his frame but through it He could not foresee
what was so new to him as this voice from the soul of his son It touched that
spring of hysterical excitability which Mirah used to witness in him when he sat
at home and sobbed As Ezra ended Lapidoth threw himself into a chair and cried
like a woman burying his face against the table and yet strangely while
this hysterical crying was an inevitable reaction in him under the stress of his
sons words it was also a conscious resource in a difficulty just as in early
life when he was a brightfaced curly young man he had been used to avail
himself of this subtlypoised physical susceptibility to turn the edge of
resentment or disapprobation
Ezra sat down again and said nothing exhausted by the shock of his own
irrepressible utterance the outburst of feelings which for years he had borne
in solitude and silence His thin hands trembled on the arms of the chair he
would hardly have found voice to answer a question he felt as if he had taken a
step towards beckoning Death Meanwhile Mirahs quick expectant ear detected a
sound which her heart recognised she could not stay out of the room any longer
But on opening the door her immediate alarm was for Ezra and it was to his side
that she went taking his trembling hand in hers which he pressed and found
support in but he did not speak or even look at her The father with his face
buried was conscious that Mirah had entered and presently lifted up his head
pressed his handkerchief against his eyes put out his hand towards her and
said with plaintive hoarseness »Goodbye Mirah your father will not trouble
you again He deserves to die like a dog by the roadside and he will If your
mother had lived she would have forgiven me thirtyfour years ago I put the
ring on her finger under the Chuppa and we were made one She would have
forgiven me and we should have spent our old age together But I havent
deserved it Goodbye«
He rose from the chair as he said the last »goodbye« Mirah had put her
hand in his and held him She was not tearful and grieving but frightened and
awestruck as she cried out
»No father no« Then turning to her brother »Ezra you have not forbidden
him Stay father and leave off wrong things Ezra I cannot bear it How can
I say to my father Go and die«
»I have not said it« Ezra answered with great effort »I have said stay
and be sheltered«
»Then you will stay father and be taken care of and come with me« said
Mirah drawing him towards the door
This was really what Lapidoth wanted And for the moment he felt a sort of
comfort in recovering his daughters dutiful tendance that made a change of
habits seem possible to him She led him down to the parlour below and said
»This is my sittingroom when I am not with Ezra and there is a bedroom
behind which shall be yours You will stay and be good father Think that you
are come back to my mother and that she has forgiven you she speaks to you
through me« Mirahs tones were imploring but she could not give one of her
former caresses
Lapidoth quickly recovered his composure began to speak to Mirah of the
improvement in her voice and other easy subjects and when Mrs Adam came to
lay out his supper entered into converse with her in order to show her that he
was not a common person though his clothes were just now against him
But in his usual wakefulness at night he fell to wondering what money Mirah
had by her and went back over old Continental hours at Roulette reproducing
the method of his play and the chances that had frustrated it He had had his
reasons for coming to England but for most things it was a cursed country
These were the stronger visions of the night with Lapidoth and not the worn
frame of his ireful son uttering a terrible judgment Ezra did pass across the
gamingtable and his words were audible but he passed like an insubstantial
ghost and his words had the heart eaten out of them by numbers and movements
that seemed to make the very tissue of Lapidoths consciousness
Chapter LXVII
The godhead in us wrings our nobler deeds
From our reluctant selves
It was an unpleasant surprise to Deronda when he returned from the Abbey to find
the undesirable father installed in the lodgings at Brompton Mirah had felt it
necessary to speak of Deronda to her father and even to make him as fully aware
as she could of the way in which the friendship with Ezra had begun and of the
sympathy which had cemented it She passed more lightly over what Deronda had
done for her omitting altogether the rescue from drowning and speaking of the
shelter she had found in Mrs Meyricks family so as to leave her father to
suppose that it was through these friends Deronda had become acquainted with
her She could not persuade herself to more completeness in her narrative she
could not let the breath of her fathers soul pass over her relation to Deronda
And Lapidoth for reasons was not eager in his questioning about the
circumstances of her flight and arrival in England But he was much interested
in the fact of his children having a beneficent friend apparently high in the
world
It was the brother who told Deronda of this new condition added to their
life »I am become calm in beholding him now« Ezra ended »and I try to think
it possible that my sisters tenderness and the daily tasting a life of peace
may win him to remain aloof from temptation I have enjoined her and she has
promised to trust him with no money I have convinced her that he will buy with
it his own destruction«
Deronda first came on the third day from Lapidoths arrival The new clothes
for which he had been measured were not yet ready and wishing to make a
favourable impression he did not choose to present himself in the old ones He
watched for Derondas departure and getting a view of him from the window was
rather surprised at his youthfulness which Mirah had not mentioned and which
he had somehow thought out of the question in a personage who had taken up a
grave friendship and hoary studies with the sepulchral Ezra Lapidoth began to
imagine that Derondas real or chief motive must be that he was in love with
Mirah And so much the better for a tie to Mirah had more promise of indulgence
for her father than the tie to Ezra and Lapidoth was not without the hope of
recommending himself to Deronda and of softening any hard prepossessions He
was behaving with much amiability and trying in all ways at his command to get
himself into easy domestication with his children entering into Mirahs music
showing himself docile about smoking which Mrs Adam could not tolerate in her
parlour and walking out in the square with his German pipe and the tobacco with
which Mirah supplied him He was too acute to venture any present remonstrance
against the refusal of money which Mirah told him that she must persist in as a
solemn duty promised to her brother He was comfortable enough to wait
The next time Deronda came Lapidoth equipped in his new clothes and
satisfied with his own appearance was in the room with Ezra who was teaching
himself as part of his severe duty to tolerate his fathers presence whenever
it was imposed Deronda was cold and distant the first sight of this man who
had blighted the lives of his wife and children creating in him a repulsion
that was even a physical discomfort But Lapidoth did not let himself be
discouraged asked leave to stay and hear the reading of papers from the old
chest and actually made himself useful in helping to decipher some difficult
German manuscript This led him to suggest that it might be desirable to make a
transcription of the manuscript and he offered his services for this purpose
and also to make copies of any papers in Roman characters Though Ezras young
eyes he observed were getting weak his own were still strong Deronda
accepted the offer thinking that Lapidoth showed a sign of grace in the
willingness to be employed usefully and he saw a gratified expression in Ezras
face who however presently said »Let all the writing be done here for I
cannot trust the papers out of my sight lest there be an accident by burning or
otherwise« Poor Ezra felt very much as if he had a convict on leave under his
charge Unless he saw his father working it was not possible to believe that he
would work in good faith But by this arrangement he fastened on himself the
burthen of his fathers presence which was made painful not only through his
deepest longest associations but also through Lapidoths restlessness of
temperament which showed itself the more as he became familiarised with his
situation and lost any awe he had felt of his son The fact was he was putting
a strong constraint on himself in confining his attention for the sake of
winning Derondas favour and like a man in an uncomfortable garment he gave
himself relief at every opportunity going out to smoke or moving about and
talking or throwing himself back in his chair and remaining silent but
incessantly carrying on a dumb language of facial movement or gesticulation and
if Mirah were in the room he would fall into his old habit of talk with her
gossiping about their former doings and companions or repeating quirks and
stories and plots of the plays he used to adapt in the belief that he could at
will command the vivacity of his earlier time All this was a mortal infliction
to Ezra and when Mirah was at home she tried to relieve him by getting her
father down into the parlour and keeping watch over him there What duty is made
of a single difficult resolve The difficulty lies in the daily unflinching
support of consequences that mar the blessed return of morning with the prospect
of irritation to be suppressed or shame to be endured And such consequences
were being borne by these as by many other heroic children of an unworthy
father with the prospect at least to Mirah of their stretching onward
through the solid part of life
Meanwhile Lapidoths presence had raised a new impalpable partition between
Deronda and Mirah each of them dreading the soiling inferences of his mind
each of them interpreting mistakenly the increased reserve and diffidence of the
other But it was not very long before some light came to Deronda
As soon as he could after returning from his brief visit to the Abbey he
had called at Hans Meyricks rooms feeling it on more grounds than one a due
of friendship that Hans should be at once acquainted with the reasons of his
late journey and the changes of intention it had brought about Hans was not
there he was said to be in the country for a few days and Deronda after
leaving a note waited a week rather expecting a note in return But receiving
no word and fearing some freak of feeling in the incalculably susceptible Hans
whose proposed sojourn at the Abbey he knew had been deferred he at length made
a second call and was admitted into the paintingroom where he found his
friend in a light coat without a waistcoat his long hair still wet from a
bath but with a face looking worn and wizened anything but countrylike He
had taken up his palette and brushes and stood before his easel when Deronda
entered but the equipment and attitude seemed to have been got up on short
notice
As they shook hands Deronda said »You dont look much as if you had been
in the country old fellow Is it Cambridge you have been to«
»No« said Hans curtly throwing down his palette with the air of one who
has begun to feign by mistake then pushing forward a chair for Deronda he
threw himself into another and leaned backward with his hands behind his head
while he went on »Ive been to Idontknowwhere No mans land and a
mortally unpleasant country it is«
»You dont mean to say you have been drinking Hans« said Deronda who had
seated himself opposite in anxious survey
»Nothing so good Ive been smoking opium I always meant to do it some time
or other to try how much bliss could be got by it and having found myself just
now rather out of other bliss I thought it judicious to seize the opportunity
But I pledge you my word I shall never tap a cask of that bliss again It
disagrees with my constitution«
»What has been the matter You were in good spirits enough when you wrote to
me«
»Oh nothing in particular The world began to look seedy a sort of
cabbagegarden with all the cabbages cut A malady of genius you may be sure«
said Hans creasing his face into a smile »and in fact I was tired of being
virtuous without reward especially in this hot London weather«
»Nothing else No real vexation« said Deronda
Hans shook his head
»I came to tell you of my own affairs but I cant do it with a good grace
if you are to hide yours«
»Havent an affair in the world« said Hans in a flighty way »except a
quarrel with a bricàbrac man Besides as it is the first time in our lives
that you ever spoke to me about your own affairs you are only beginning to pay
a pretty long debt«
Deronda felt convinced that Hans was behaving artificially but he trusted
to a return of the old frankness byandby if he gave his own confidence
»You laughed at the mystery of my journey to Italy Hans« he began »It was
for an object that touched my happiness at the very roots I had never known
anything about my parents and I really went to Genoa to meet my mother My
father has been long dead died when I was an infant My mother was the
daughter of an eminent Jew my father was her cousin Many things had caused me
to think of this origin as almost a probability before I set out I was so far
prepared for the result that I was glad of it glad to find myself a Jew«
»You must not expect me to look surprised Deronda« said Hans who had
changed his attitude laying one leg across the other and examining the heel of
his slipper
»You knew it«
»My mother told me She went to the house the morning after you had been
there brother and sister both told her You may imagine we cant rejoice as
they do But whatever you are glad of I shall come to be glad of in the end
when exactly the end may be I cant predict« said Hans speaking in a low tone
which was as unusual with him as it was to be out of humour with his lot and
yet bent on making no fuss about it
»I quite understand that you cant share my feeling« said Deronda »but I
could not let silence lie between us on what casts quite a new light over my
future I have taken up some of Mordecais ideas and I mean to try and carry
them out so far as one mans efforts can go I daresay I shall byandby travel
to the East and be away for some years«
Hans said nothing but rose seized his palette and began to work his brush
on it standing before his picture with his back to Deronda who also felt
himself at a break in his path embarrassed by Hanss embarrassment
Presently Hans said again speaking low and without turning »Excuse the
question but does Mrs Grandcourt know of all this«
»No and I must beg of you Hans« said Deronda rather angrily »to cease
joking on that subject Any notions you have are wide of the truth are the
very reverse of the truth«
»I am no more inclined to joke than I shall be at my own funeral« said
Hans »But I am not at all sure that you are aware what are my notions on that
subject«
»Perhaps not« said Deronda »But let me say once for all that in relation
to Mrs Grandcourt I never have had and never shall have the position of a
lover If you have ever seriously put that interpretation on anything you have
observed you are supremely mistaken«
There was silence a little while and to each the silence was like an
irritating air exaggerating discomfort
»Perhaps I have been mistaken in another interpretation also« said Hans
presently
»What is that«
»That you had no wish to hold the position of a lover towards another woman
who is neither wife nor widow«
»I cant pretend not to understand you Meyrick It is painful that our
wishes should clash But I hope you will tell me if you have any ground for
supposing that you would succeed«
»That seems rather a superfluous inquiry on your part Deronda« said Hans
with some irritation
»Why superfluous«
»Because you are perfectly convinced on the subject and probably you have
had the very best evidence to convince you«
»I will be more frank with you than you are with me« said Deronda still
heated by Hanss show of temper and yet sorry for him »I have never had the
slightest evidence that I should succeed myself In fact I have very little
hope«
Hans looked round hastily at his friend but immediately turned to his
picture again
»And in our present situation« said Deronda hurt by the idea that Hans
suspected him of insincerity and giving an offended emphasis to his words »I
dont see how I can deliberately make known my feeling to her If she could not
return it I should have embittered her best comfort for neither she nor I can
be parted from her brother and we should have to meet continually If I were to
cause her that sort of pain by an unwilling betrayal of my feeling I should be
no better than a mischievous animal«
»I dont know that I have ever betrayed my feeling to her« said Hans as if
he were vindicating himself
»You mean that we are on a level then you have no reason to envy me«
»Oh not the slightest« said Hans with bitter irony »You have measured my
conceit and know that it outtops all your advantages«
»I am a nuisance to you Meyrick I am sorry but I cant help it« said
Deronda rising »After what passed between us before I wished to have this
explanation and I dont see that any pretensions of mine have made a real
difference to you They are not likely to make any pleasant difference to myself
under present circumstances Now the father is there did you know that the
father is there«
»Yes If he were not a Jew I would permit myself to damn him with faint
praise I mean« said Hans but with no smile
»She and I meet under greater constraint than ever Things might go on in
this way for two years without my getting any insight into her feeling towards
me That is the whole state of affairs Hans Neither you nor I have injured the
other that I can see We must put up with this sort of rivalry in a hope that
is likely enough to come to nothing Our friendship can bear that strain
surely«
»No it cant« said Hans impetuously throwing down his tools thrusting
his hands into his coatpockets and turning round to face Deronda who drew
back a little and looked at him with amazement Hans went on in the same tone
»Our friendship my friendship cant bear the strain of behaving to you
like an ungrateful dastard and grudging you your happiness For you are the
happiest dog in the world If Mirah loves anybody better than her brother you
are the man«
Hans turned on his heel and threw himself into his chair looking up at
Deronda with an expression the reverse of tender Something like a shock passed
through Deronda and after an instant he said
»It is a goodnatured fiction of yours Hans«
»I am not in a goodnatured mood I assure you I found the fact disagreeable
when it was thrust on me all the more or perhaps all the less because I
believed then that your heart was pledged to the Duchess But now confound you
you turn out to be in love in the right place a Jew and everything
eligible«
»Tell me what convinced you theres a good fellow« said Deronda
distrusting a delight that he was unused to
»Dont ask Little mother was witness The upshot is that Mirah is jealous
of the Duchess and the sooner you relieve her mind the better There Ive
cleared off a score or two and may be allowed to swear at you for getting what
you deserve which is just the very best luck I know of«
»God bless you Hans« said Deronda putting out his hand which the other
took and wrung in silence
Chapter LXVIII
»All thoughts all passions all delights
Whatever stirs this mortal frame
All are but ministers of Love
And feed his sacred flam
Coleridge
Derondas eagerness to confess his love could hardly have had a stronger
stimulus than Hans had given it in his assurance that Mirah needed relief from
jealousy He went on his next visit to Ezra with the determination to be
resolute in using nay in requesting an opportunity of private conversation
with her If she accepted his love he felt courageous about all other
consequences and as her betrothed husband he would gain a protective authority
which might be a desirable defence for her in future difficulties with her
father Deronda had not observed any signs of growing restlessness in Lapidoth
or of diminished desire to recommend himself but he had forebodings of some
future struggle some mortification or some intolerable increase of domestic
disquietude in which he might save Ezra and Mirah from being helpless victims
His forebodings would have been strengthened if he had known what was going
on in the fathers mind That amount of restlessness that desultoriness of
attention which made a small torture to Ezra was to Lapidoth an irksome
submission to restraint only made bearable by his thinking of it as a means of
byandby securing a wellconditioned freedom He began with the intention of
awaiting some really good chance such as an opening for getting a considerable
sum from Deronda but all the while he was looking about curiously and trying
to discover where Mirah deposited her money and her keys The imperious gambling
desire within him which carried on its activity through every other occupation
and made a continuous web of imagination that held all else in its meshes would
hardly have been under the control of a protracted purpose if he had been able
to lay his hand on any sum worth capturing But Mirah with her practical
clearsightedness guarded against any frustration of the promise she had given
Ezra by confiding all money except what she was immediately in want of to
Mrs Meyricks care and Lapidoth felt himself under an irritating completeness
of supply in kind as in a lunatic asylum where everything was made safe against
him To have opened a desk or drawer of Mirahs and pocketed any banknotes
found there would have been to his mind a sort of domestic appropriation which
had no disgrace in it the degrees of liberty a man allows himself with other
peoples property being often delicately drawn even beyond the boundary where
the law begins to lay its hold which is the reason why spoons are a safer
investment than mining shares Lapidoth really felt himself injuriously treated
by his daughter and thought that he ought to have had what he wanted of her
other earnings as he had of her appletart But he remained submissive indeed
the indiscretion that most tempted him was not any insistence with Mirah but
some kind of appeal to Deronda Clever persons who have nothing else to sell can
often put a good price on their absence and Lapidoths difficult search for
devices forced upon him the idea that his family would find themselves happier
without him and that Deronda would be willing to advance a considerable sum for
the sake of getting rid of him But in spite of wellpractised hardihood
Lapidoth was still in some awe of Ezras imposing friend and deferred his
purpose indefinitely
On this day when Deronda had come full of a gladdened consciousness which
inevitably showed itself in his air and speech Lapidoth was at a crisis of
discontent and longing that made his mind busy with schemes of freedom and
Derondas new amenity encouraged them This preoccupation was at last so strong
as to interfere with his usual show of interest in what went forward and his
persistence in sitting by even when there was reading which he could not follow
After sitting a little while he went out to smoke and walk in the square and
the two friends were all the easier Mirah was not at home but she was sure to
be in again before Deronda left and his eyes glowed with a secret anticipation
he thought that when he saw her again he should see some sweetness of
recognition for himself to which his eyes had been sealed before There was an
additional playful affectionateness in his manner towards Ezra
»This little room is too close for you Ezra« he said breaking off his
reading »The weeks heat we sometimes get here is worse than the heat in Genoa
where one sits in the shaded coolness of large rooms You must have a better
home now I shall do as I like with you being the stronger half« He smiled
toward Ezra who said
»I am straitened for nothing except breath But you who might be in a
spacious palace with the wide green country around you find this a narrow
prison Nevertheless I cannot say Go «
»Oh the country would be a banishment while you are here« said Deronda
rising and walking round the double room which yet offered no long promenade
while he made a great fan of his handkerchief »This is the happiest room in the
world to me Besides I will imagine myself in the East since I am getting
ready to go there some day Only I will not wear a cravat and a heavy ring
there« he ended emphatically pausing to take off those superfluities and
deposit them on a small table behind Ezra who had the table in front of him
covered with books and papers
»I have been wearing my memorable ring ever since I came home« he went on
as he reseated himself »But I am such a Sybarite that I constantly put it off
as a burthen when I am doing anything I understand why the Romans had summer
rings if they had them Now then I shall get on better«
They were soon absorbed in their work again Deronda was reading a piece of
rabbinical Hebrew under Ezras correction and comment and they took little
notice when Lapidoth reentered and seated himself somewhat in the background
His rambling eyes quickly alighted on the ring that sparkled on the bit of
dark mahogany During his walk his mind had been occupied with the fiction of
an advantageous opening for him abroad only requiring a sum of ready money
which on being communicated to Deronda in private might immediately draw from
him a question as to the amount of the required sum and it was this part of his
forecast that Lapidoth found the most debateable there being a danger in asking
too much and a prospective regret in asking too little His own desire gave him
no limit and he was quite without guidance as to the limit of Derondas
willingness But now in the midst of these airy conditions preparatory to a
receipt which remained indefinite this ring which on Derondas finger had
become familiar to Lapidoths envy suddenly shone detached and within easy
grasp Its value was certainly below the smallest of the imaginary sums that his
purpose fluctuated between but then it was before him as a solid fact and his
desire at once leaped into the thought not yet an intention that if he were
quietly to pocket that ring and walk away he would have the means of comfortable
escape from present restraint without trouble and also without danger for any
property of Derondas available without his formal consent was all one with
his childrens property since their father would never be prosecuted for taking
it The details of this thinking followed each other so quickly that they seemed
to rise before him as one picture Lapidoth had never committed larceny but
larceny is a form of appropriation for which people are punished by law and to
take this ring from a virtual relation who would have been willing to make a
much heavier gift would not come under the head of larceny Still the heavier
gift was to be preferred if Lapidoth could only make haste enough in asking for
it and the imaginary action of taking the ring which kept repeating itself
like an inward tune sank into a rejected idea He satisfied his urgent longing
by resolving to go below and watch for the moment of Derondas departure when
he would ask leave to join him in his walk and boldly carry out his meditated
plan He rose and stood looking out of the window but all the while he saw what
lay behind him the brief passage he would have to make to the door close by
the table where the ring was However he was resolved to go down but by no
distinct change of resolution rather by a dominance of desire like the thirst
of the drunkard it so happened that in passing the table his fingers fell
noiselessly on the ring and he found himself in the passage with the ring in
his hand It followed that he put on his hat and quitted the house The
possibility of again throwing himself on his children receded into the
indefinite distance and before he was out of the square his sense of haste had
concentrated itself on selling the ring and getting on shipboard
Deronda and Ezra were just aware of his exit that was all But byandby
Mirah came in and made a real interruption She had not taken off her hat and
when Deronda rose and advanced to shake hands with her she said in a confusion
at once unaccountable and troublesome to herself
»I only came in to see that Ezra had his new draught I must go directly to
Mrs Meyricks to fetch something«
»Pray allow me to walk with you« said Deronda urgently »I must not tire
Ezra any further besides my brains are melting I want to go to Mrs
Meyricks may I go with you«
»Oh yes« said Mirah blushing still more with the vague sense of something
new in Deronda and turning away to pour out Ezras draught Ezra meanwhile
throwing back his head with his eyes shut unable to get his mind away from the
ideas that had been filling it while the reading was going on Deronda for a
moment stood thinking of nothing but the walk till Mirah turned round again and
brought the draught when he suddenly remembered that he had laid aside his
cravat and saying »Pray excuse my dishabille I did not mean you to see it«
he went to the little table took up his cravat and exclaimed with a violent
impulse of surprise »Good heavens where is my ring gone« beginning to search
about on the floor
Ezra looked round the corner of his chair Mirah quick as thought went to
the spot where Deronda was seeking and said »Did you lay it down«
»Yes« said Deronda still unvisited by any other explanation than that the
ring had fallen and was lurking in shadow indiscernible on the variegated
carpet He was moving the bits of furniture near and searching in all possible
and impossible places with hand and eyes
But another explanation had visited Mirah and taken the colour from her
cheek She went to Ezras ear and whispered »Was my father here« He bent his
head in reply meeting her eyes with terrible understanding She darted back to
the spot where Deronda was still casting down his eyes in that hopeless
exploration which we are apt to carry on over a space we have examined in vain
»You have not found it« she said hurriedly
He meeting her frightened gaze immediately caught alarm from it and
answered »I perhaps put it in my pocket« professing to feel for it there
She watched him and said »It is not there you put it on the table« with
a penetrating voice that would not let him feign to have found it in his pocket
and immediately she rushed out of the room Deronda followed her she was gone
into the sittingroom below to look for her father she opened the door of the
bedroom to see if he were there she looked where his hat usually hung she
turned with her hands clasped tight and her lips pale gazing despairingly out
of the window Then she looked up at Deronda who had not dared to speak to her
in her white agitation She looked up at him unable to utter a word the look
seemed a tacit acceptance of the humiliation she felt in his presence But he
taking her clasped hands between both his said in a tone of reverent adoration
»Mirah let me think that he is my father as well as yours that we can
have no sorrow no disgrace no joy apart I will rather take your grief to be
mine than I would take the brightest joy of another woman Say you will not
reject me say you will take me to share all things with you Say you will
promise to be my wife say it now I have been in doubt so long I have had to
hide my love so long Say that now and always I may prove to you that I love you
with complete love«
The change in Mirah had been gradual She had not passed at once from
anguish to the full blessed consciousness that in this moment of grief and
shame Deronda was giving her the highest tribute man can give to woman With
the first tones and the first words she had only a sense of solemn comfort
referring this goodness of Derondas to his feeling for Ezra But by degrees the
rapturous assurance of unhopedfor good took possession of her frame her face
glowed under Derondas as he bent over her yet she looked up still with intense
gravity as when she had first acknowledged with religious gratitude that he had
thought her »worthy of the best« and when he had finished she could say
nothing she could only lift up her lips to his and just kiss them as if that
were the simplest »yes« They stood then only looking at each other he holding
her hands between his too happy to move meeting so fully in their new
consciousness that all signs would have seemed to throw them farther apart till
Mirah said in a whisper »Let us go and comfort Ezra«
Chapter LXIX
»The human nature unto which I felt
That I belonged and reverenced with love
Was not a punctual presence but a spirit
Diffused through time and space with aid derived
Of evidence from monuments erect
Prostrate or leaning towards their common rest
In earth the widely scattered wreck sublime
Of vanished nations
Wordsworth The Prelude
Sir Hugo carried out his plan of spending part of the autumn at Diplow and by
the beginning of October his presence was spreading some cheerfulness in the
neighbourhood among all ranks and persons concerned from the stately homes of
Brackenshaw and Quetcham to the respectable shopparlours in Wanchester For Sir
Hugo was a man who liked to show himself and be affable a Liberal of good
lineage who confided entirely in Reform as not likely to make any serious
difference in English habits of feeling one of which undoubtedly is the liking
to behold society well fenced and adorned with hereditary rank Hence he made
Diplow a most agreeable house extending his invitations to old Wanchester
solicitors and young village curates but also taking some care in the
combination of his guests and not feeding all the common poultry together so
that they should think their meal no particular compliment Easygoing Lord
Brackenshaw for example would not mind meeting Robinson the attorney but
Robinson would have been naturally piqued if he had been asked to meet a set of
people who passed for his equals On all these points Sir Hugo was well informed
enough at once to gain popularity for himself and give pleasure to others two
results which eminently suited his disposition The Rector of Pennicote now
found a reception at Diplow very different from the haughty tolerance he had
undergone during the reign of Grandcourt It was not only that the baronet liked
Mr Gascoigne it was that he desired to keep up a marked relation of
friendliness with him on account of Mrs Grandcourt for whom Sir Hugos
chivalry had become more and more engaged Why The chief reason was one that he
could not fully communicate even to Lady Mallinger for he would not tell what
he thought one womans secret to another even though the other was his wife
which shows that his chivalry included a rare reticence
Deronda after he had become engaged to Mirah felt it right to make a full
statement of his position and purposes to Sir Hugo and he chose to make it by
letter He had more than a presentiment that his fatherly friend would feel some
dissatisfaction if not pain at this turn of his destiny In reading unwelcome
news instead of hearing it there is the advantage that one avoids a hasty
expression of impatience which may afterwards be repented of Deronda dreaded
that verbal collision which makes otherwise pardonable feeling lastingly
offensive
And Sir Hugo though not altogether surprised was thoroughly vexed His
immediate resource was to take the letter to Lady Mallinger who would be sure
to express an astonishment which her husband could argue against as
unreasonable and in this way divide the stress of his discontent And in fact
when she showed herself astonished and distressed that all Daniels wonderful
talents and the comfort of having him in the house should have ended in his
going mad in this way about the Jews the baronet could say
»Oh nonsense my dear depend upon it Dan will not make a fool of himself
He has large notions about Judaism political views which you cant understand
No fear but Dan will keep himself head uppermost«
But with regard to the prospective marriage she afforded him no
counterirritant The gentle lady observed without rancour that she had little
dreamed of what was coming when she had Mirah to sing at her musical party and
give lessons to Amabel After some hesitation indeed she confessed it had
passed through her mind that after a proper time Daniel might marry Mrs
Grandcourt because it seemed so remarkable that he should be at Genoa just at
that time and although she herself was not fond of widows she could not help
thinking that such a marriage would have been better than his going altogether
with the Jews But Sir Hugo was so strongly of the same opinion that he could
not correct it as a feminine mistake and his illhumour at the disproof of his
agreeable conclusions on behalf of Gwendolen was left without vent He desired
Lady Mallinger not to breathe a word about the affair till further notice
saying to himself »If it is an unkind cut to the poor thing« meaning
Gwendolen »the longer she is without knowing it the better in her present
nervous state And she will best learn it from Dan himself« Sir Hugos
conjectures had worked so industriously with his knowledge that he fancied
himself well informed concerning the whole situation
Meanwhile his residence with his family at Diplow enabled him to continue
his fatherly attentions to Gwendolen and in these Lady Mallinger
notwithstanding her small liking for widows was quite willing to second him
The plan of removal to Offendene had been carried out and Gwendolen in
settling there maintained a calm beyond her mothers hopes She was
experiencing some of that peaceful melancholy which comes from the renunciation
of demands for self and from taking the ordinary good of existence and
especially kindness even from a dog as a gift above expectation Does one who
has been all but lost in a pit of darkness complain of the sweet air and the
daylight There is a way of looking at our life daily as an escape and taking
the quiet return of morn and evening still more the starlike outglowing of
some pure fellowfeeling some generous impulse breaking our inward darkness
as a salvation that reconciles us to hardship Those who have a selfknowledge
prompting such selfaccusation as Hamlets can understand this habitual feeling
of rescue And it was felt by Gwendolen as she lived through and through again
the terrible history of her temptations from their first form of illusory
selfpleasing when she struggled away from the hold of conscience to their
latest form of an urgent hatred dragging her towards its satisfaction while she
prayed and cried for the help of that conscience which she had once forsaken
She was now dwelling on every word of Derondas that pointed to her past
deliverance from the worst evil in herself and the worst infliction of it on
others and on every word that carried a force to resist selfdespair
But she was also upborne by the prospect of soon seeing him again she did
not imagine him otherwise than always within her reach her supreme need of him
blinding her to the separateness of his life the whole scene of which she
filled with his relation to her no unique preoccupation of Gwendolens for we
are all apt to fall into this passionate egoism of imagination not only towards
our fellowmen but towards God And the future which she turned her face to
with a willing step was one where she would be continually assimilating herself
to some type that he would hold before her Had he not first risen on her vision
as a corrective presence which she had recognised in the beginning with
resentment and at last with entire love and trust She could not spontaneously
think of an end to that reliance which had become to her imagination like the
firmness of the earth the only condition of her walking
And Deronda was not long before he came to Diplow which was at a more
convenient distance from town than the Abbey He had wished to carry out a plan
for taking Ezra and Mirah to a mild spot on the coast while he prepared another
home that Mirah might enter as his bride and where they might unitedly watch
over her brother But Ezra begged not to be removed unless it were to go with
them to the East All outward solicitations were becoming more and more of a
burthen to him but his mind dwelt on the possibility of this voyage with a
visionary joy Deronda in his preparations for the marriage which he hoped
might not be deferred beyond a couple of months wished to have fuller
consultation as to his resources and affairs generally with Sir Hugo and here
was a reason for not delaying his visit to Diplow But he thought quite as much
of another reason his promise to Gwendolen The sense of blessedness in his
own lot had yet an aching anxiety at its heart this may be held paradoxical
for the beloved lover is always called happy and happiness is considered as a
wellfleshed indifference to sorrow outside it But human experience is usually
paradoxical if that means incongruous with the phrases of current talk or even
current philosophy It was no treason to Mirah but a part of that full nature
which made his love for her the more worthy that his joy in her could hold by
its side the care for another For what is love itself for the one we love
best an enfolding of immeasurable cares which yet are better than any joys
outside our love
Deronda came twice to Diplow and saw Gwendolen twice and yet he went back
to town without having told her anything about the change in his lot and
prospects He blamed himself but in all momentous communication likely to give
pain we feel dependent on some preparatory turn of words or associations some
agreement of the others mood with the probable effect of what we have to
impart In the first interview Gwendolen was so absorbed in what she had to say
to him so full of questions which he must answer about the arrangement of her
life what she could do to make herself less ignorant how she could be kindest
to everybody and make amends for her selfishness and try to be rid of it that
Deronda utterly shrank from waiving her immediate wants in order to speak of
himself nay from inflicting a wound on her in these moments when she was
leaning on him for help in her path In the second interview when he went with
new resolve to command the conversation into some preparatory track he found
her in a state of deep depression overmastered by those distasteful miserable
memories which forced themselves on her as something more real and ample than
any new material out of which she could mould her future She cried
hysterically and said that he would always despise her He could only seek
words of soothing and encouragement and when she gradually revived under them
with that pathetic look of renewed childlike interest which we see in eyes where
the lashes are still beaded with tears it was impossible to lay another burthen
on her
But time went on and he felt it a pressing duty to make the difficult
disclosure Gwendolen it was true never recognised his having any affairs and
it had never even occurred to her to ask him why he happened to be at Genoa But
this unconsciousness of hers would make a sudden revelation of affairs that were
determining his course in life all the heavier blow to her and if he left the
revelation to be made by indifferent persons she would feel that he had treated
her with cruel inconsiderateness He could not make the communication in
writing his tenderness could not bear to think of her reading his virtual
farewell in solitude and perhaps feeling his words full of a hard gladness for
himself and indifference for her He went down to Diplow again feeling that
every other peril was to be incurred rather than that of returning and leaving
her still in ignorance
On this third visit Deronda found Hans Meyrick installed with his easel at
Diplow beginning his picture of the three daughters sitting on a bank »in the
Gainsborough style« and varying his work by rambling to Pennicote to sketch the
village children and improve his acquaintance with the Gascoignes Hans appeared
to have recovered his vivacity but Deronda detected some feigning in it as we
detect the artificiality of a ladys bloom from its being a little too
hightoned and steadily persistent a »Fluctuating Rouge« not having yet
appeared among the advertisements Also with all his grateful friendship and
admiration for Deronda Hans could not help a certain irritation against him
such as extremely incautious open natures are apt to feel when the breaking of
a friends reserve discloses a state of things not merely unsuspected but the
reverse of what had been hoped and ingeniously conjectured It is true that poor
Hans had always cared chiefly to confide in Deronda and had been quite
incurious as to any confidence that might have been given in return but what
outpourer of his own affairs is not tempted to think any hint of his friends
affairs as an egoistic irrelevance That was no reason why it was not rather a
sore reflection to Hans that while he had been all along naïvely opening his
heart about Mirah Deronda had kept secret a feeling of rivalry which now
revealed itself as the important determining fact Moreover it is always at
their peril that our friends turn out to be something more than we were aware
of Hans must be excused for these promptings of bruised sensibility since he
had not allowed them to govern his substantial conduct he had the consciousness
of having done right by his fortunate friend or as he told himself »his metal
had given a better ring than he would have sworn to beforehand« For Hans had
always said that in point of virtue he was a dilettante which meant that he was
very fond of it in other people but if he meddled with it himself he cut a poor
figure Perhaps in reward of his good behaviour he gave his tongue the more
freedom and he was too fully possessed by the notion of Derondas happiness to
have a conception of what he was feeling about Gwendolen so that he spoke of
her without hesitation
»When did you come down Hans« said Deronda joining him in the grounds
where he was making a study of the requisite bank and trees
»Oh ten days ago before the time Sir Hugo fixed I ran down with Rex
Gascoigne and stayed at the Rectory a day or two Im up in all the gossip of
these parts I know the state of the wheelwrights interior and have assisted
at an infant school examination Sister Anna with the good upper lip escorted
me else I should have been mobbed by three urchins and an idiot because of my
long hair and a general appearance which departs from the Pennicote type of the
beautiful Altogether the village is idyllic Its only fault is a dark curate
with broad shoulders and broad trousers who ought to have gone into the heavy
drapery line The Gascoignes are perfect besides being related to the Vandyke
duchess I caught a glimpse of her in her black robes at a distance though she
doesnt show to visitors«
»She was not staying at the Rectory« said Deronda
»No but I was taken to Offendene to see the old house and as a consequence
I saw the duchesss family I suppose you have been there and know all about
them«
»Yes I have been there« said Deronda quietly
»A fine old place An excellent setting for a widow with romantic fortunes
And she seems to have had several romances I think I have found out that there
was one between her and my friend Rex«
»Not long before her marriage then« said Deronda really interested »for
they had only been a year at Offendene How came you to know anything of it«
»Oh not ignorant of what it is to be a miserable devil I learn to gloat
on the signs of misery in others I found out that Rex never goes to Offendene
and has never seen the duchess since she came back and Miss Gascoigne let fall
something in our talk about charadeacting for I went through some of my
nonsense to please the young ones something which proved to me that Rex was
once hovering about his fair cousin close enough to get singed I dont know
what was her part in the affair Perhaps the duke came in and carried her off
That is always the way when an exceptionally worthy young man forms an
attachment I understand now why Gascoigne talks of making the law his mistress
and remaining a bachelor But these are green resolves Since the duke did not
get himself drowned for your sake it may turn out to be for my friend Rexs
sake Who knows«
»Is it absolutely necessary that Mrs Grandcourt should marry again« said
Deronda ready to add that Hanss success in constructing her fortunes hitherto
had not been enough to warrant a new attempt
»You monster« retorted Hans »do you want her to wear weeds for you all her
life burn herself in perpetual suttee while you are alive and merry«
Deronda could say nothing but he looked so much annoyed that Hans turned
the current of his chat and when he was alone shrugged his shoulders a little
over the thought that there really had been some stronger feeling between
Deronda and the duchess than Mirah would like to know of »Why didnt she fall
in love with me« thought Hans laughing at himself »She would have had no
rivals No woman ever wanted to discuss theology with me«
No wonder that Deronda winced under that sort of joking with a whiplash It
touched sensibilities that were already quivering with the anticipation of
witnessing some of that pain to which even Hanss light words seemed to give
more reality any sort of recognition by another giving emphasis to the subject
of our anxiety And now he had come down with the firm resolve that he would not
again evade the trial The next day he rode to Offendene He had sent word that
he intended to call and to ask if Gwendolen could receive him and he found her
awaiting him in the old drawingroom where some chief crises of her life had
happened She seemed less sad than he had seen her since her husbands death
there was no smile on her face but a placid selfpossession in contrast with
the mood in which he had last found her She was all the more alive to the
sadness perceptible in Deronda and they were no sooner seated he at a little
distance opposite to her than she said
»You were afraid of coming to see me because I was so full of grief and
despair the last time But I am not so today I have been sorry ever since I
have been making it a reason why I should keep up my hope and be as cheerful as
I can because I would not give you any pain about me«
There was an unwonted sweetness in Gwendolens tone and look as she uttered
these words that seemed to Deronda to infuse the utmost cruelty into the task
now laid upon him But he felt obliged to make his answer a beginning of the
task
»I am in some trouble today« he said looking at her rather mournfully
»but it is because I have things to tell you which you will almost think it a
want of confidence on my part not to have spoken of before They are things
affecting my own life my own future I shall seem to have made an ill return
to you for the trust you have placed in me never to have given you an idea of
events that make great changes for me But when we have been together we have
hardly had time to enter into subjects which at the moment were really less
pressing to me than the trials you have been going through« There was a sort of
timid tenderness in Derondas deep tones and he paused with a pleading look as
if it had been Gwendolen only who had conferred anything in her scenes of
beseeching and confession
A thrill of surprise was visible in her Such meaning as she found in his
words had shaken her but without causing fear Her mind had flown at once to
some change in his position with regard to Sir Hugo and Sir Hugos property She
said with a sense of comfort from Derondas way of asking her pardon
»You never thought of anything but what you could do to help me and I was
so troublesome How could you tell me things«
»It will perhaps astonish you« said Deronda »that I have only quite lately
known who were my parents«
Gwendolen was not astonished she felt the more assured that her
expectations of what was coming were right Deronda went on without check
»The reason why you found me in Italy was that I had gone there to learn
that in fact to meet my mother It was by her wish that I was brought up in
ignorance of my parentage She parted with me after my fathers death when I
was a little creature But she is now very ill and she felt that the secrecy
ought not to be any longer maintained Her chief reason had been that she did
not wish me to know I was a Jew«
»A Jew« Gwendolen exclaimed in a low tone of amazement with an utterly
frustrated look as if some confusing potion were creeping through her system
Deronda coloured and did not speak while Gwendolen with her eyes fixed on
the floor was struggling to find her way in the dark by the aid of various
reminiscences She seemed at last to have arrived at some judgment for she
looked up at Deronda again and said as if remonstrating against the mothers
conduct
»What difference need that have made«
»It has made a great difference to me that I have known it« said Deronda
emphatically but he could not go on easily the distance between her ideas and
his acted like a difference of native language making him uncertain what force
his words would carry
Gwendolen meditated again and then said feelingly »I hope there is nothing
to make you mind You are just the same as if you were not a Jew«
She meant to assure him that nothing of that external sort could affect the
way in which she regarded him or the way in which he could influence her
Deronda was a little helped by this misunderstanding
»The discovery was far from being painful to me« he said »I had been
gradually prepared for it and I was glad of it I had been prepared for it by
becoming intimate with a very remarkable Jew whose ideas have attracted me so
much that I think of devoting the best part of my life to some effort at giving
them effect«
Again Gwendolen seemed shaken again there was a look of frustration but
this time it was mingled with alarm She looked at Deronda with lips childishly
parted It was not that she had yet connected his words with Mirah and her
brother but that they had inspired her with a dreadful presentiment of
mountainous travel for her mind before it could reach Derondas Great ideas in
general which she had attributed to him seemed to make no great practical
difference and were not formidable in the same way as these
mysteriouslyshadowed particular ideas He could not quite divine what was going
on within her he could only seek the least abrupt path of disclosure
»That is an object« he said after a moment »which will byandby force me
to leave England for some time for some years I have purposes which will take
me to the East«
Here was something clearer but all the more immediately agitating
Gwendolens lip began to tremble »But you will come back« she said tasting
her own tears as they fell before she thought of drying them
Deronda could not sit still He rose and went to prop himself against the
corner of the mantelpiece at a different angle from her face But when she had
pressed her handkerchief against her cheeks she turned and looked up at him
awaiting an answer
»If I live« said Deronda »some time«
They were both silent He could not persuade himself to say more unless she
led up to it by a question and she was apparently meditating something that she
had to say
»What are you going to do« she asked at last very timidly »Can I
understand the ideas or am I too ignorant«
»I am going to the East to become better acquainted with the condition of my
race in various countries there« said Deronda gently anxious to be as
explanatory as he could on what was the impersonal part of their separateness
from each other »The idea that I am possessed with is that of restoring a
political existence to my people making them a nation again giving them a
national centre such as the English have though they too are scattered over
the face of the globe That is a task which presents itself to me as a duty I
am resolved to begin it however feebly I am resolved to devote my life to it
At the least I may awaken a movement in other minds such as has been awakened
in my own«
There was a long silence between them The world seemed getting larger round
poor Gwendolen and she more solitary and helpless in the midst The thought
that he might come back after going to the East sank before the bewildering
vision of these widestretching purposes in which she felt herself reduced to a
mere speck There comes a terrible moment to many souls when the great movements
of the world the larger destinies of mankind which have lain aloof in
newspapers and other neglected reading enter like an earthquake into their own
lives when the slow urgency of growing generations turns into the tread of an
invading army or the dire clash of civil war and grey fathers know nothing to
seek for but the corpses of their blooming sons and girls forget all vanity to
make lint and bandages which may serve for the shattered limbs of their
betrothed husbands Then it is as if the Invisible Power that has been the
object of lipworship and lipresignation became visible according to the
imagery of the Hebrew poet making the flames his chariot and riding on the
wings of the wind till the mountains smoke and the plains shudder under the
rolling fiery visitation Often the good cause seems to lie prostrate under the
thunder of unrelenting force the martyrs live reviled they die and no angel
is seen holding forth the crown and the palm branch Then it is that the
submission of the soul to the Highest is tested and even in the eyes of
frivolity life looks out from the scene of human struggle with the awful face of
duty and a religion shows itself which is something else than a private
consolation
That was the sort of crisis which was at this moment beginning in
Gwendolens small life she was for the first time feeling the pressure of a
vast mysterious movement for the first time being dislodged from her supremacy
in her own world and getting a sense that her horizon was but a dipping onward
of an existence with which her own was revolving All the troubles of her
wifehood and widowhood had still left her with the implicit impression which had
accompanied her from childhood that whatever surrounded her was somehow
specially for her and it was because of this that no personal jealousy had been
roused in her in relation to Deronda she could not spontaneously think of him
as rightfully belonging to others more than to her But here had come a shock
which went deeper than personal jealousy something spiritual and vaguely
tremendous that thrust her away and yet quelled all anger into
selfhumiliation
There had been a long silence Deronda had stood still even thankful for an
interval before he needed to say more and Gwendolen had sat like a statue with
her wrists lying over each other and her eyes fixed the intensity of her
mental action arresting all other excitation At length something occurred to
her that made her turn her face to Deronda and say in a trembling voice
»Is that all you can tell me«
The question was like a dart to him »The Jew whom I mentioned just now« he
answered not without a certain tremor in his tones too »the remarkable man who
has greatly influenced my mind has not perhaps been totally unheard of by you
He is the brother of Miss Lapidoth whom you have often heard sing«
A great wave of remembrance passed through Gwendolen and spread as a deep
painful flush over face and neck It had come first as the scene of that morning
when she had called on Mirah and heard Derondas voice reading and been told
without then heeding it that he was reading Hebrew with Mirahs brother
»He is very ill very near death now« Deronda went on nervously and then
stopped short He felt that he must wait Would she divine the rest
»Did she tell you that I went to her« said Gwendolen abruptly looking up
at him
»No« said Deronda »I dont understand you«
She turned away her eyes again and sat thinking Slowly the colour died out
of face and neck and she was as pale as before with that almost withered
paleness which is seen after a painful flush At last she said without turning
towards him in a low measured voice as if she were only thinking aloud in
preparation for future speech
»But can you marry«
»Yes« said Deronda also in a low voice »I am going to marry«
At first there was no change in Gwendolens attitude she only began to
tremble visibly then she looked before her with dilated eyes as at something
lying in front of her till she stretched her arms out straight and cried with
a smothered voice
»I said I should be forsaken I have been a cruel woman And I am forsaken«
Derondas anguish was intolerable He could not help himself He seized her
outstretched hands and held them together and kneeled at her feet She was the
victim of his happiness
»I am cruel too I am cruel« he repeated with a sort of groan looking up
at her imploringly
His presence and touch seemed to dispel a horrible vision and she met his
upward look of sorrow with something like the return of consciousness after
fainting Then she dwelt on it with that growing pathetic movement of the brow
which accompanies the revival of some tender recollection The look of sorrow
brought back what seemed a very faroff moment the first time she had ever
seen it in the library at the Abbey Sobs rose and great tears fell fast
Deronda would not let her hands go held them still with one of his and
himself pressed her handkerchief against her eyes She submitted like a
halfsoothed child making an effort to speak which was hindered by struggling
sobs At last she succeeded in saying brokenly
»I said I said it should be better better with me for having
known you«
His eyes too were larger with tears She wrested one of her hands from his
and returned his action pressing his tears away
»We shall not be quite parted« he said »I will write to you always when I
can and yon will answer«
He waited till she said in a whisper »I will try«
»I shall be more with you than I used to be« Deronda said with gentle
urgency releasing her hands and rising from his kneeling posture »If we had
been much together before we should have felt our differences more and seemed
to get farther apart Now we can perhaps never see each other again But our
minds may get nearer«
Gwendolen said nothing but rose too automatically Her withered look of
grief such as the sun often shines on when the blinds are drawn up after the
burial of lifes joy made him hate his own words they seemed to have the
hardness of easy consolation in them She felt that he was going and that
nothing could hinder it The sense of it was like a dreadful whisper in her ear
which dulled all other consciousness and she had not known that she was rising
Deronda could not speak again He thought that they must part in silence
but it was difficult to move towards the parting till she looked at him with a
sort of intention in her eyes which helped him He advanced to put out his hand
silently and when she had placed hers within it she said what her mind had
been labouring with
»You have been very good to me I have deserved nothing I will try try to
live I shall think of you What good have I been Only harm Dont let me be
harm to you It shall be the better for me «
She could not finish It was not that she was sobbing but that the intense
effort with which she spoke made her too tremulous The burthen of that
difficult rectitude towards him was a weight her frame tottered under
She bent forward to kiss his cheek and he kissed hers Then they looked at
each other for an instant with clasped hands and he turned away
When he was quite gone her mother came in and found her sitting motionless
»Gwendolen dearest you look very ill« she said bending over her and
touching her cold hands
»Yes mamma But dont be afraid I am going to live« said Gwendolen
bursting out hysterically
Her mother persuaded her to go to bed and watched by her Through the day
and half the night she fell continually into fits of shrieking but cried in the
midst of them to her mother »Dont be afraid I shall live I mean to live«
After all she slept and when she waked in the morning light she looked up
fixedly at her mother and said tenderly »Ah poor mamma You have been sitting
up with me Dont be unhappy I shall live I shall be better«
Chapter LXX
In the chequered area of human experience the seasons are all
mingled as in the golden age fruit and blossom hang together in
the same moment the sickle is reaping and the seed is sprinkled one
tends the green cluster and another treads the winepress Nay in
each of our lives harvest and springtime are continually one until
Death himself gathers us and sows us anew in his invisible fields
Among the blessings of love there is hardly one more exquisite than the sense
that in uniting the beloved life to ours we can watch over its happiness bring
comfort where hardship was and over memories of privation and suffering open
the sweetest fountains of joy Derondas love for Mirah was strongly imbued with
that blessed protectiveness Even with infantine feet she had begun to tread
among thorns and the first time he had beheld her face it had seemed to him the
girlish image of despair
But now she was glowing like a darktipped yet delicate ivorytinted flower
in the warm sunlight of content thinking of any possible grief as part of that
life with Deronda which she could call by no other name than good And he
watched the sober gladness which gave new beauty to her movements and her
habitual attitudes of repose with a delight which made him say to himself that
it was enough of personal joy for him to save her from pain She knew nothing of
Hanss struggle or of Gwendolens pang for after the assurance that Derondas
hidden love had been for her she easily explained Gwendolens eager solicitude
about him as part of a grateful dependence on his goodness such as she herself
had known And all Derondas words about Mrs Grandcourt confirmed that view of
their relation though he never touched on it except in the most distant manner
Mirah was ready to believe that he had been a rescuing angel to many besides
herself The only wonder was that she among them all was to have the bliss of
being continually by his side
So when the bridal veil was around Mirah it hid no doubtful tremors only
a thrill of awe at the acceptance of a great gift which required great uses And
the velvet canopy never covered a more goodly bride and bridegroom to whom
their people might more wisely wish offspring more truthful lips never touched
the sacramental marriagewine the marriageblessing never gathered stronger
promise of fulfilment than in the integrity of their mutual pledge Naturally
they were married according to the Jewish rite And since no religion seems yet
to have demanded that when we make a feast we should invite only the highest
rank of our acquaintances few it is to be hoped will be offended to learn
that among the guests at Derondas little weddingfeast was the entire Cohen
family with the one exception of the baby who carried on her teething
intelligently at home How could Mordecai have borne that those friends of his
adversity should have been shut out from rejoicing in common with him
Mrs Meyrick so fully understood this that she had quite reconciled herself
to meeting the Jewish pawnbroker and was there with her three daughters all
of them enjoying the consciousness that Mirahs marriage to Deronda crowned a
romance which would always make a sweet memory to them For which of them
mother or girls had not had a generous part in it giving their best in
feeling and in act to her who needed If Hans could have been there it would
have been better but Mab had already observed that men must suffer for being so
inconvenient suppose she Kate and Amy had all fallen in love with Mr
Deronda but being women they were not so ridiculous
The Meyricks were rewarded for conquering their prejudices by hearing a
speech from Mr Cohen which had the rare quality among speeches of not being
quite after the usual pattern Jacob ate beyond his years and contributed
several small whinnying laughs as a free accompaniment of his fathers speech
not irreverently but from a lively sense that his family was distinguishing
itself while Adelaide Rebekah in a new Sabbath frock maintained throughout a
grave air of responsibility
Mordecais brilliant eyes sunken in their large sockets dwelt on the scene
with the cherishing benignancy of a spirit already lifted into an aloofness
which nullified only selfish requirements and left sympathy alive But
continually after his gaze had been travelling round on the others it returned
to dwell on Deronda with a fresh gleam of trusting affection
The weddingfeast was humble but Mirah was not without splendid
weddinggifts As soon as the bethrothal had been known there were friends who
had entertained graceful devices Sir Hugo and Lady Mallinger had taken trouble
to provide a complete equipment for Eastern travel as well as a precious locket
containing an inscription »To the bride of our dear Daniel Deronda all
blessings H amp LM« The Klesmers sent a perfect watch also with a
pretty inscription
But something more precious than gold and gems came to Deronda from the
neighbourhood of Diplow on the morning of his marriage It was a letter
containing these words
Do not think of me sorrowfully on your weddingday I have remembered
your words that I may live to be one of the best of women who make
others glad that they were born I do not yet see how that can be but
you know better than I If it ever comes true it will be because you
helped me I only thought of myself and I made you grieve It hurts me
now to think of your grief You must not grieve any more for me It is
better it shall be better with me because I have known you
GWENDOLEN GRANDCOURT
The preparations for the departure of all three to the East began at once for
Deronda could not deny Ezras wish that they should set out on the voyage
forthwith so that he might go with them instead of detaining them to watch
over him He had no belief that Ezras life would last through the voyage for
there were symptoms which seemed to show that the last stage of his malady had
set in But Ezra himself had said »Never mind where I die so that I am with
you«
He did not set out with them One morning early he said to Deronda »Do not
quit me today I shall die before it is ended«
He chose to be dressed and sit up in his easychair as usual Deronda and
Mirah on each side of him and for some hours he was unusually silent not even
making the effort to speak but looking at them occasionally with eyes full of
some restful meaning as if to assure them that while this remnant of
breathingtime was difficult he felt an ocean of peace beneath him
It was not till late in the afternoon when the light was falling that he
took a hand of each in his and said looking at Deronda »Death is coming to me
as the divine kiss which is both parting and reunion which takes me from your
bodily eyes and gives me full presence in your soul Where thou goest Daniel I
shall go Is it not begun Have I not breathed my soul into you We shall live
together«
He paused and Deronda waited thinking that there might be another word for
him But slowly and with effort Ezra pressing on their hands raised himself
and uttered in Hebrew the confession of the divine Unity which for long
generations has been on the lips of the dying Israelite
He sank back gently into his chair and did not speak again But it was some
hours before he had ceased to breathe with Mirahs and Derondas arms around
him
»Nothing is here for tears nothing to wail
Or knock the breast no weakness no contempt
Dispraise or blame nothing but well and fair
And what may quiet us in a death so noble«
Notes
1 Dantes words are best rendered by our own poet in the lines at the head of
the chapter
2 Do none of thy children defend thee Arms bring me arms alone I will fight
alone I will fall