Charles Dickens
Great Expectations
Chapter I
My fathers family name being Pirrip and my christian name Philip my infant
tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip So I
called myself Pip and came to be called Pip
I give Pirrip as my fathers family name on the authority of his tombstone
and my sister Mrs Joe Gargery who married the blacksmith As I never saw my
father or my mother and never saw any likeness of either of them for their
days were long before the days of photographs my first fancies regarding what
they were like were unreasonably derived from their tombstones The shape of
the letters on my fathers gave me an odd idea that he was a square stout
dark man with curly black hair From the character and turn of the inscription
»Also Georgiana Wife of the Above« I drew a childish conclusion that my mother
was freckled and sickly To five little stone lozenges each about a foot and a
half long which were arranged in a neat row beside their grave and were sacred
to the memory of five little brothers of mine who gave up trying to get a
living exceedingly early in that universal struggle I am indebted for a belief
I religiously entertained that they had all been born on their backs with their
hands in their trouserspockets and had never taken them out in this state of
existence
Ours was the marsh country down by the river within as the river wound
twenty miles of the sea My first most vivid and broad impression of the
identity of things seems to me to have been gained on a memorable raw afternoon
towards evening At such a time I found out for certain that this bleak place
overgrown with nettles was the churchyard and that Philip Pirrip late of this
parish and also Georgiana wife of the above were dead and buried and that
Alexander Bartholomew Abraham Tobias and Roger infant children of the
aforesaid were also dead and buried and that the dark flat wilderness beyond
the churchyard intersected with dykes and mounds and gates with scattered
cattle feeding on it was the marshes and that the low leaden line beyond was
the river and that the distant savage lair from which the wind was rushing was
the sea and that the small bundle of shivers growing afraid of it all and
beginning to cry was Pip
»Hold your noise« cried a terrible voice as a man started up from among
the graves at the side of the church porch »Keep still you little devil or
Ill cut your throat«
A fearful man all in coarse grey with a great iron on his leg A man with
no hat and with broken shoes and with an old rag tied round his head A man
who had been soaked in water and smothered in mud and lamed by stones and cut
by flints and stung by nettles and torn by briars who limped and shivered
and glared and growled and whose teeth chattered in his head as he seized me by
the chin
»O Dont cut my throat sir« I pleaded in terror »Pray dont do it sir«
»Tell us your name« said the man »Quick«
»Pip sir«
»Once more« said the man staring at me »Give it mouth«
»Pip Pip sir«
»Show us where you live« said the man »Pint out the place«
I pointed to where our village lay on the flat inshore among the
aldertrees and pollards a mile or more from the church
The man after looking at me for a moment turned me upside down and
emptied my pockets There was nothing in them but a piece of bread When the
church came to itself for he was so sudden and strong that he made it go head
over heels before me and I saw the steeple under my feet when the church came
to itself I say I was seated on a high tombstone trembling while he ate the
bread ravenously
»You young dog« said the man licking his lips »what fat cheeks you ha
got«
I believe they were fat though I was at that time undersized for my years
and not strong
»Darn Me if I couldnt eat em« said the man with a threatening shake of
his head »and if I hant half a mind tot«
I earnestly expressed my hope that he wouldnt and held tighter to the
tombstone on which he had put me partly to keep myself upon it partly to
keep myself from crying
»Now lookee here« said the man »Wheres your mother«
»There sir« said I
He started made a short run and stopped and looked over his shoulder
»There sir« I timidly explained »Also Georgiana Thats my mother«
»Oh« said he coming back »And is that your father alonger your mother«
»Yes sir« said I »him too late of this parish«
»Ha« he muttered then considering »Who dye live with supposin youre
kindly let to live which I hant made up my mind about«
»My sister sir Mrs Joe Gargery wife of Joe Gargery the blacksmith
sir«
»Blacksmith eh« said he And looked down at his leg
After darkly looking at his leg and at me several times he came closer to
my tombstone took me by both arms and tilted me back as far as he could hold
me so that his eyes looked most powerfully down into mine and mine looked most
helplessly up into his
»Now lookee here« he said »the question being whether youre to be let to
live You know what a file is«
»Yes sir«
»And you know what wittles is«
»Yes sir«
After each question he tilted me over a little more so as to give me a
greater sense of helplessness and danger
»You get me a file« He tilted me again »And you get me wittles« He tilted
me again »You bring em both to me« He tilted me again »Or Ill have your
heart and liver out« He tilted me again
I was dreadfully frightened and so giddy that I clung to him with both
hands and said »If you would kindly please to let me keep upright sir
perhaps I shouldnt be sick and perhaps I could attend more«
He gave me a most tremendous dip and roll so that the church jumped over
its own weathercock Then he held me by the arms in an upright position on the
top of the stone and went on in these fearful terms
»You bring me tomorrow morning early that file and them wittles You
bring the lot to me at that old Battery over yonder You do it and you never
dare to say a word or dare to make a sign concerning your having seen such a
person as me or any person sumever and you shall be let to live You fail or
you go from my words in any partickler no matter how small it is and your
heart and your liver shall be tore out roasted and ate Now I aint alone as
you may think I am Theres a young man hid with me in comparison with which
young man I am a Angel That young man hears the words I speak That young man
has a secret way pecooliar to himself of getting at a boy and at his heart
and at his liver It is in wain for a boy to attempt to hide himself from that
young man A boy may lock his door may be warm in bed may tuck himself up may
draw the clothes over his head may think himself comfortable and safe but that
young man will softly creep and creep his way to him and tear him open I am a
keeping that young man from harming of you at the present moment with great
difficulty I find it wery hard to hold that young man off of your inside Now
what do you say«
I said that I would get him the file and I would get him what broken bits
of food I could and I would come to him at the Battery early in the morning
»Say Lord strike you dead if you dont« said the man
I said so and he took me down
»Now« he pursued »you remember what youve undertook and you remember
that young man and you get home«
»Googood night sir« I faltered
»Much of that« said he glancing about him over the cold wet flat »I wish
I was a frog Or a eel«
At the same time he hugged his shuddering body in both his arms clasping
himself as if to hold himself together and limped towards the low church
wall As I saw him go picking his way among the nettles and among the brambles
that bound the green mounds he looked in my young eyes as if he were eluding
the hands of the dead people stretching up cautiously out of their graves to
get a twist upon his ankle and pull him in
When he came to the low church wall he got over it like a man whose legs
were numbed and stiff and then turned round to look for me When I saw him
turning I set my face towards home and made the best use of my legs But
presently I looked over my shoulder and saw him going on again towards the
river still hugging himself in both arms and picking his way with his sore
feet among the great stones dropped into the marshes here and there for
stepping when the rains were heavy or the tide was in
The marshes were just a long black horizontal line then as I stopped to
look after him and the river was just another horizontal line not nearly so
broad nor yet so black and the sky was just a row of long angry red lines and
dense black lines intermixed On the edge of the river I could faintly make out
the only two black things in all the prospect that seemed to be standing
upright one of these was the beacon by which the sailors steered like an
unhooped cask upon a pole an ugly thing when you were near it the other a
gibbet with some chains hanging to it which had once held a pirate The man was
limping on towards this latter as if he were the pirate come to life and come
down and going back to hook himself up again It gave me a terrible turn when I
thought so and as I saw the cattle lifting their heads to gaze after him I
wondered whether they thought so too I looked all round for the horrible young
man and could see no signs of him But now I was frightened again and ran home
without stopping
Chapter II
My sister Mrs Joe Gargery was more than twenty years older than I and had
established a great reputation with herself and the neighbours because she had
brought me up by hand Having at that time to find out for myself what the
expression meant and knowing her to have a hard and heavy hand and to be much
in the habit of laying it upon her husband as well as upon me I supposed that
Joe Gargery and I were both brought up by hand
She was not a goodlooking woman my sister and I had a general impression
that she must have made Joe Gargery marry her by hand Joe was a fair man with
curls of flaxen hair on each side of his smooth face and with eyes of such a
very undecided blue that they seemed to have somehow got mixed with their own
whites He was a mild goodnatured sweettempered easygoing foolish dear
fellow a sort of Hercules in strength and also in weakness
My sister Mrs Joe with black hair and eyes had such a prevailing redness
of skin that I sometimes used to wonder whether it was possible she washed
herself with a nutmeggrater instead of soap She was tall and bony and almost
always wore a coarse apron fastened over her figure behind with two loops and
having a square impregnable bib in front that was stuck full of pins and
needles She made it a powerful merit in herself and a strong reproach against
Joe that she wore this apron so much Though I really see no reason why she
should have worn it at all or why if she did wear it at all she should not
have taken it off every day of her life
Joes forge adjoined our house which was a wooden house as many of the
dwellings in our country were most of them at that time When I ran home from
the churchyard the forge was shut up and Joe was sitting alone in the kitchen
Joe and I being fellowsufferers and having confidences as such Joe imparted a
confidence to me the moment I raised the latch of the door and peeped in at him
opposite to it sitting in the chimney corner
»Mrs Joe has been out a dozen times looking for you Pip And shes out
now making it a bakers dozen«
»Is she«
»Yes Pip« said Joe »and whats worse shes got Tickler with her«
At this dismal intelligence I twisted the only button on my waistcoat round
and round and looked in great depression at the fire Tickler was a waxended
piece of cane worn smooth by collision with my tickled frame
»She sot down« said Joe »and she got up and she made a grab at Tickler
and she Rampaged out Thats what she did« said Joe slowly clearing the fire
between the lower bars with the poker and looking at it »she Rampaged out
Pip«
»Has she been gone long Joe« I always treated him as a larger species of
child and as no more than my equal
»Well« said Joe glancing up at the Dutch clock »shes been on the
Rampage this last spell about five minutes Pip Shes acoming Get behind
the door old chap and have the jacktowel betwixt you«
I took the advice My sister Mrs Joe throwing the door wide open and
finding an obstruction behind it immediately divined the cause and applied
Tickler to its further investigation She concluded by throwing me I often
served as a connubial missile at Joe who glad to get hold of me on any
terms passed me on into the chimney and quietly fenced me up there with his
great leg
»Where have you been you young monkey« said Mrs Joe stamping her foot
»Tell me directly what youve been doing to wear me away with fret and fright
and worrit or Id have you out of that corner if you was fifty Pips and he was
five hundred Gargerys«
»I have only been to the churchyard« said I from my stool crying and
rubbing myself
»Churchyard« repeated my sister »If it warnt for me youd have been to
the churchyard long ago and stayed there Who brought you up by hand«
»You did« said I
»And why did I do it I should like to know« exclaimed my sister
I whimpered »I dont know«
»I dont« said my sister »Id never do it again I know that I may truly
say Ive never had this apron of mine off since born you were Its bad enough
to be a blacksmiths wife and him a Gargery without being your mother«
My thoughts strayed from that question as I looked disconsolately at the
fire For the fugitive out on the marshes with the ironed leg the mysterious
young man the file the food and the dreadful pledge I was under to commit a
larceny on those sheltering premises rose before me in the avenging coals
»Hah« said Mrs Joe restoring Tickler to his station »Churchyard indeed
You may well say churchyard you two« One of us bythebye had not said it at
all »Youll drive me to the churchyard betwixt you one of these days and oh
a prrrecious pair youd be without me«
As she applied herself to set the teathings Joe peeped down at me over his
leg as if he were mentally casting me and himself up and calculating what kind
of pair we practically should make under the grievous circumstances
foreshadowed After that he sat feeling his rightside flaxen curls and
whisker and following Mrs Joe about with his blue eyes as his manner always
was at squally times
My sister had a trenchant way of cutting our breadandbutter for us that
never varied First with her left hand she jammed the loaf hard and fast
against her bib where it sometimes got a pin into it and sometimes a needle
which we afterwards got into our mouths Then she took some butter not too
much on a knife and spread it on the loaf in an apothecary kind of way as if
she were making a plaister using both sides of the knife with a slapping
dexterity and trimming and moulding the butter off round the crust Then she
gave the knife a final smart wipe on the edge of the plaister and then sawed a
very thick round off the loaf which she finally before separating from the
loaf hewed into two halves of which Joe got one and I the other
On the present occasion though I was hungry I dared not eat my slice I
felt that I must have something in reserve for my dreadful acquaintance and his
ally the still more dreadful young man I knew Mrs Joes housekeeping to be of
the strictest kind and that my larcenous researches might find nothing
available in the safe Therefore I resolved to put my hunk of breadandbutter
down the leg of my trousers
The effort of resolution necessary to the achievement of this purpose I
found to be quite awful It was as if I had to make up my mind to leap from the
top of a high house or plunge into a great depth of water And it was made the
more difficult by the unconscious Joe In our alreadymentioned freemasonry as
fellowsufferers and in his goodnatured companionship with me it was our
evening habit to compare the way we bit through our slices by silently holding
them up to each others admiration now and then which stimulated us to new
exertions Tonight Joe several times invited me by the display of his
fastdiminishing slice to enter upon our usual friendly competition but he
found me each time with my yellow mug of tea on one knee and my untouched
breadandbutter on the other At last I desperately considered that the thing
I contemplated must be done and that it had best be done in the least
improbable manner consistent with the circumstances I took advantage of a
moment when Joe had just looked at me and got my breadandbutter down my leg
Joe was evidently made uncomfortable by what he supposed to be my loss of
appetite and took a thoughtful bite out of his slice which he didnt seem to
enjoy He turned it about in his mouth much longer than usual pondering over it
a good deal and after all gulped it down like a pill He was about to take
another bite and had just got his head on one side for a good purchase on it
when his eye fell on me and he saw that my breadandbutter was gone
The wonder and consternation with which Joe stopped on the threshold of his
bite and stared at me were too evident to escape my sisters observation
»Whats the matter now« said she smartly as she put down her cup
»I say you know« muttered Joe shaking his head at me in a very serious
remonstrance »Pip old chap Youll do yourself a mischief Itll stick
somewhere You cant have chawed it Pip«
»Whats the matter now« repeated my sister more sharply than before
»If you can cough any trifle on it up Pip Id recommend you to do it«
said Joe all aghast »Manners is manners but still your elths your elth«
But this time my sister was quite desperate so she pounced on Joe and
taking him by the two whiskers knocked his head for a little while against the
wall behind him while I sat in the corner looking guiltily on
»Now perhaps youll mention whats the matter« said my sister out of
breath »you staring great stuck pig«
Joe looked at her in a helpless way then took a helpless bite and looked
at me again
»You know Pip« said Joe solemnly with his last bite in his cheek and
speaking in a confidential voice as if we two were quite alone »you and me is
always friends and Id be the last to tell upon you any time But such a« he
moved his chair and looked about the floor between us and then again at me
»such a most uncommon bolt as that«
»Been bolting his food has he« cried my sister
»You know old chap« said Joe looking at me and not at Mrs Joe with his
bite still in his cheek »I Bolted myself when I was your age frequent and
as a boy Ive been among a many Bolters but I never see your bolting equal yet
Pip and its a mercy you aint Bolted dead«
My sister made a dive at me and fished me up by the hair saying nothing
more than the awful words »You come along and be dosed«
Some medical beast had revived Tarwater in those days as a fine medicine
and Mrs Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard having a belief in its
virtues correspondent to its nastiness At the best of times so much of this
elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative that I was conscious of
going about smelling like a new fence On this particular evening the urgency
of my case demanded a pint of this mixture which was poured down my throat for
my greater comfort while Mrs Joe held my head under her arm as a boot would
be held in a bootjack Joe got off with half a pint but was made to swallow
that much to his disturbance as he sat slowly munching and meditating before
the fire because he had had a turn Judging from myself I should say he
certainly had a turn afterwards if he had had none before
Conscience is a dreadful thing when it accuses man or boy but when in the
case of a boy that secret burden cooperates with another secret burden down
the leg of his trousers it is as I can testify a great punishment The guilty
knowledge that I was going to rob Mrs Joe I never thought I was going to rob
Joe for I never thought of any of the housekeeping property as his united to
the necessity of always keeping one hand on my breadandbutter as I sat or
when I was ordered about the kitchen on any small errand almost drove me out of
my mind Then as the marsh winds made the fire glow and flare I thought I
heard the voice outside of the man with the iron on his leg who had sworn me to
secrecy declaring that he couldnt and wouldnt starve until tomorrow but
must be fed now At other times I thought What if the young man who was with
so much difficulty restrained from imbruing his hands in me should yield to a
constitutional impatience or should mistake the time and should think himself
accredited to my heart and liver tonight instead of tomorrow If ever
anybodys hair stood on end with terror mine must have done so then But
perhaps nobodys ever did
It was Christmas Eve and I had to stir the pudding for next day with a
copperstick from seven to eight by the Dutch clock I tried it with the load
upon my leg and that made me think afresh of the man with the load on his leg
and found the tendency of exercise to bring the breadandbutter out at my
ankle quite unmanageable Happily I slipped away and deposited that part of my
conscience in my garret bedroom
»Hark« said I when I had done my stirring and was taking a final warm in
the chimney corner before being sent up to bed »was that great guns Joe«
»Ah« said Joe »Theres another conwict off«
»What does that mean Joe« said I
Mrs Joe who always took explanations upon herself said snappishly
»Escaped Escaped« Administering the definition like Tarwater
While Mrs Joe sat with her head bending over her needlework I put my
mouth into the forms of saying to Joe »Whats a convict« Joe put his mouth
into the forms of returning such a highly elaborate answer that I could make
out nothing of it but the single word »Pip«
»There was a conwict off last night« said Joe aloud »after sunsetgun
And they fired warning of him And now it appears theyre firing warning of
another«
»Whos firing« said I
»Drat that boy« interposed my sister frowning at me over her work »what a
questioner he is Ask no questions and youll be told no lies«
It was not very polite to herself I thought to imply that I should be told
lies by her even if I did ask questions But she never was polite unless there
was company
At this point Joe greatly augmented my curiosity by taking the utmost pains
to open his mouth very wide and to put it into the form of a word that looked
to me like sulks Therefore I naturally pointed to Mrs Joe and put my mouth
into the form of saying »her« But Joe wouldnt hear of that at all and again
opened his mouth very wide and shook the form of a most emphatic word out of
it But I could make nothing of the word
»Mrs Joe« said I as a last resort »I should like to know if you
wouldnt much mind where the firing comes from«
»Lord bless the boy« exclaimed my sister as if she didnt quite mean that
but rather the contrary »From the Hulks«
»Ohh« said I looking at Joe »Hulks«
Joe gave a reproachful cough as much as to say »Well I told you so«
»And please whats Hulks« said I
»Thats the way with this boy« exclaimed my sister pointing me out with
her needle and thread and shaking her head at me »Answer him one question and
hell ask you a dozen directly Hulks are prisonships right cross th
meshes« We always used that name for marshes in our country
»I wonder whos put into prisonship and why theyre put there« said I in
a general way and with quiet desperation
It was too much for Mrs Joe who immediately rose »I tell you what young
fellow« said she »I didnt bring you up by hand to badger peoples lives out
It would be blame to me and not praise if I had People are put in the Hulks
because they murder and because they rob and forge and do all sorts of bad
and they always begin by asking questions Now you get along to bed«
I was never allowed a candle to light me to bed and as I went upstairs in
the dark with my head tingling from Mrs Joes thimble having played the
tambourine upon it to accompany her last words I felt fearfully sensible of
the great convenience that the hulks were handy for me I was clearly on my way
there I had begun by asking questions and I was going to rob Mrs Joe
Since that time which is far enough away now I have often thought that few
people know what secrecy there is in the young under terror No matter how
unreasonable the terror so that it be terror I was in mortal terror of the
young man who wanted my heart and liver I was in mortal terror of my
interlocutor with the iron leg I was in mortal terror of myself from whom an
awful promise had been extracted I had no hope of deliverance through my
allpowerful sister who repulsed me at every turn I am afraid to think of what
I might have done on requirement in the secrecy of my terror
If I slept at all that night it was only to imagine myself drifting down
the river on a strong springtide to the Hulks a ghostly pirate calling out to
me through a speakingtrumpet as I passed the gibbetstation that I had better
come ashore and be hanged there at once and not put it off I was afraid to
sleep even if I had been inclined for I knew that at the first faint dawn of
morning I must rob the pantry There was no doing it in the night for there was
no getting a light by easy friction then to have got one I must have struck it
out of flint and steel and have made a noise like the very pirate himself
rattling his chains
As soon as the great black velvet pall outside my little window was shot
with grey I got up and went downstairs every board upon the way and every
crack in every board calling after me »Stop thief« and »Get up Mrs Joe« In
the pantry which was far more abundantly supplied than usual owing to the
season I was very much alarmed by a hare hanging up by the heels whom I
rather thought I caught when my back was half turned winking I had no time
for verification no time for selection no time for anything for I had no time
to spare I stole some bread some rind of cheese about half a jar of mincemeat
which I tied up in my pockethandkerchief with my last nights slice some
brandy from a stone bottle which I decanted into a glass bottle I had secretly
used for making that intoxicating fluid Spanishliquoricewater up in my room
diluting the stone bottle from a jug in the kitchen cupboard a meat bone with
very little on it and a beautiful round compact pork pie I was nearly going
away without the pie but I was tempted to mount upon a shelf to look what it
was that was put away so carefully in a covered earthenware dish in a corner
and I found it was the pie and I took it in the hope that it was not intended
for early use and would not be missed for some time
There was a door in the kitchen communicating with the forge I unlocked and
unbolted that door and got a file from among Joes tools Then I put the
fastenings as I had found them opened the door at which I had entered when I
ran home last night shut it and ran for the misty marshes
Chapter III
It was a rimy morning and very damp I had seen the damp lying on the outside
of my little window as if some goblin had been crying there all night and
using the window for a pockethandkerchief Now I saw the damp lying on the bare
hedges and spare grass like a coarser sort of spiders webs hanging itself
from twig to twig and blade to blade On every rail and gate wet lay clammy
and the marshmist was so thick that the wooden finger on the post directing
people to our village a direction which they never accepted for they never
came there was invisible to me until I was quite close under it Then as I
looked up at it while it dripped it seemed to my oppressed conscience like a
phantom devoting me to the Hulks
The mist was heavier yet when I got out upon the marshes so that instead of
my running at everything everything seemed to run at me This was very
disagreeable to a guilty mind The gates and dykes and banks came bursting at me
through the mist as if they cried as plainly as could be »A boy with
Somebodyelses pork pie Stop him« The cattle came upon me with like
suddenness staring out of their eyes and steaming out of their nostrils
»Halloa young thief« One black ox with a white cravat on who even had to my
awakened conscience something of a clerical air fixed me so obstinately with
his eyes and moved his blunt head round in such an accusatory manner as I moved
round that I blubbered out to him »I couldnt help it sir It wasnt for
myself I took it« Upon which he put down his head blew a cloud of smoke out of
his nose and vanished with a kickup of his hindlegs and a flourish of his
tail
All this time I was getting on towards the river but however fast I went I
couldnt warm my feet to which the damp cold seemed riveted as the iron was
riveted to the leg of the man I was running to meet I knew my way to the
Battery pretty straight for I had been down there on a Sunday with Joe and
Joe sitting on an old gun had told me that when I was prentice to him
regularly bound we would have such Larks there However in the confusion of
the mist I found myself at last too far to the right and consequently had to
try back along the riverside on the bank of loose stones above the mud and the
stakes that staked the tide out Making my way along here with all despatch I
had just crossed a ditch which I knew to be very near the Battery and had just
scrambled up the mound beyond the ditch when I saw the man sitting before me
His back was towards me and he had his arms folded and was nodding forward
heavy with sleep
I thought he would be more glad if I came upon him with his breakfast in
that unexpected manner so I went forward softly and touched him on the
shoulder He instantly jumped up and it was not the same man but another man
And yet this man was dressed in coarse grey too and had a great iron on
his leg and was lame and hoarse and cold and was everything that the other
man was except that he had not the same face and had a flat broadbrimmed
lowcrowned felt hat on All this I saw in a moment for I had only a moment to
see it in he swore an oath at me made a hit at me it was a round weak blow
that missed me and almost knocked himself down for it made him stumble and
then he ran into the mist stumbling twice as he went and I lost him
»Its the young man« I thought feeling my heart shoot as I identified him
I dare say I should have felt a pain in my liver too if I had known where it
was
I was soon at the Battery after that and there was the right man hugging
himself and limping to and fro as if he had never all night left off hugging
and limping waiting for me He was awfully cold to be sure I half expected
to see him drop down before my face and die of deadly cold His eyes looked so
awfully hungry too that when I handed him the file and he laid it down on the
grass it occurred to me he would have tried to eat it if he had not seen my
bundle He did not turn me upside down this time to get at what I had but
left me right side upwards while I opened the bundle and emptied my pockets
»Whats in the bottle boy« said he
»Brandy« said I
He was already handing mincemeat down his throat in the most curious manner
more like a man who was putting it away somewhere in a violent hurry than a
man who was eating it but he left off to take some of the liquor He shivered
all the while so violently that it was quite as much as he could do to keep the
neck of the bottle between his teeth without biting it off
»I think you have got the ague« said I
»Im much of your opinion boy« said he
»Its bad about here« I told him »Youve been lying out on the meshes and
theyre dreadful aguish Rheumatic too«
»Ill eat my breakfast afore theyre the death of me« said he »Id do that
if I was going to be strung up to that there gallows as there is over there
directly arterwards Ill beat the shivers so far Ill bet you«
He was gobbling mincemeat meat bone bread cheese and pork pie all at
once staring distrustfully while he did so at the mist all round us and often
stopping even stopping his jaws to listen Some real or fancied sound some
clink upon the river or breathing of beast upon the marsh now gave him a start
and he said suddenly
»Youre not a deceiving imp You brought no one with you«
»No sir No«
»Nor giv no one the office to follow you«
»No«
»Well« said he »I believe you Youd be but a fierce young hound indeed
if at your time of life you could help to hunt a wretched warmint hunted as
near death and dunghill as this poor wretched warmint is«
Something clicked in his throat as if he had works in him like a clock and
was going to strike And he smeared his ragged rough sleeve over his eyes
Pitying his desolation and watching him as he gradually settled down upon
the pie I made bold to say »I am glad you enjoy it«
»Did you speak«
»I said I was glad you enjoyed it«
»Thankee my boy I do«
I had often watched a large dog of ours eating his food and I now noticed a
decided similarity between the dogs way of eating and the mans The man took
strong sharp sudden bites just like the dog He swallowed or rather snapped
up every mouthful too soon and too fast and he looked sideways here and there
while he ate as if he thought there was danger in every direction of somebodys
coming to take the pie away He was altogether too unsettled in his mind over
it to appreciate it comfortably I thought or to have anybody to dine with
him without making a chop with his jaws at the visitor In all of which
particulars he was very like the dog
»I am afraid you wont leave any of it for him« said I timidly after a
silence during which I had hesitated as to the politeness of making the remark
»Theres no more to be got where that came from« It was the certainty of this
fact that impelled me to offer the hint
»Leave any for him Whos him« said my friend stopping in his crunching of
piecrust
»The young man That you spoke of That was hid with you«
»Oh ah« he returned with something like a gruff laugh »Him Yes yes He
dont want no wittles«
»I thought he looked as if he did« said I
The man stopped eating and regarded me with the keenest scrutiny and the
greatest surprise
»Looked When«
»Just now«
»Where«
»Yonder« said I pointing »over there where I found him nodding asleep
and thought it was you«
He held me by the collar and stared at me so that I began to think his
first idea about cutting my throat had revived
»Dressed like you you know only with a hat« I explained trembling »and
and« I was very anxious to put this delicately »and with the same reason
for wanting to borrow a file Didnt you hear the cannon last night«
»Then there was firing« he said to himself
»I wonder you shouldnt have been sure of that« I returned »for we heard
it up at home and thats further away and we were shut in besides«
»Why see now« said he »When a mans alone on these flats with a light
head and a light stomach perishing of cold and want he hears nothin all
night but guns firing and voices calling Hears He sees the soldiers with
their red coats lighted up by the torches carried afore closing in round him
Hears his number called hears himself challenged hears the rattle of the
muskets hears the orders Make ready Present Cover him steady men and is
laid hands on and theres nothin Why if I see one pursuing party last night
coming up in order Damn em with their tramp tramp I see a hundred And
as to firing Why I see the mist shake with the cannon arter it was broad day
But this man« he had said all the rest as if he had forgotten my being there
»did you notice anything in him«
»He had a badly bruised face« said I recalling what I hardly knew I knew
»Not here« exclaimed the man striking his left cheek mercilessly with the
flat of his hand
»Yes there«
»Where is he« He crammed what little food was left into the breast of his
grey jacket »Show me the way he went Ill pull him down like a bloodhound
Curse this iron on my sore leg Give us hold of the file boy«
I indicated in what direction the mist had shrouded the other man and he
looked up at it for an instant But he was down on the rank wet grass filing at
his iron like a madman and not minding me or minding his own leg which had an
old chafe upon it and was bloody but which he handled as roughly as if it had
no more feeling in it than the file I was very much afraid of him again now
that he had worked himself into this fierce hurry and I was likewise very much
afraid of keeping away from home any longer I told him I must go but he took
no notice so I thought the best thing I could do was to slip off The last I
saw of him his head was bent over his knee and he was working hard at his
fetter muttering impatient imprecations at it and his leg The last I heard of
him I stopped in the mist to listen and the file was still going
Chapter IV
I fully expected to find a Constable in the kitchen waiting to take me up But
not only was there no Constable there but no discovery had yet been made of the
robbery Mrs Joe was prodigiously busy in getting the house ready for the
festivities of the day and Joe had been put upon the kitchen doorstep to keep
him out of the dustpan an article into which his destiny always led him
sooner or later when my sister was vigorously reaping the floors of her
establishment
»And where the deuce ha you been« was Mrs Joes Christmas salutation
when I and my conscience showed ourselves
I said I had been down to hear the Carols »Ah well« observed Mrs Joe
»You might ha done worse« Not a doubt of that I thought
»Perhaps if I warnt a blacksmiths wife and whats the same thing a
slave with her apron never off I should have been to hear the Carols« said
Mrs Joe »Im rather partial to Carols myself and thats tile best of reasons
for my never hearing any«
Joe who had ventured into the kitchen after me as the dustpan had retired
before us drew the back of his hand across his nose with a conciliatory air
when Mrs Joe darted a look at him and when her eyes were withdrawn secretly
crossed his two forefingers and exhibited them to me as our token that Mrs
Joe was in a cross temper This was so much her normal state that Joe and I
would often for weeks together be as to our fingers like monumental
Crusaders as to their legs
We were to have a superb dinner consisting of a leg of pickled pork and
greens and a pair of roast stuffed fowls A handsome mincepie had been made
yesterday morning which accounted for the mincemeat not being missed and the
pudding was already on the boil These extensive arrangements occasioned us to
be cut off unceremoniously in respect of breakfast »for I aint« said Mrs
Joe »I aint a going to have no formal cramming and busting and washing up now
with what Ive got before me I promise you«
So we had our slices served out as if we were two thousand troops on a
forced march instead of a man and boy at home and we took gulps of milk and
water with apologetic countenances from a jug on the dresser In the meantime
Mrs Joe put clean white curtains up and tacked a new floweredflounce across
the wide chimney to replace the old one and uncovered the little state parlour
across the passage which was never uncovered at any other time but passed the
rest of the year in a cool haze of silver paper which even extended to the four
little white crockery poodles on the mantelshelf each with a black nose and a
basket of flowers in his mouth and each the counterpart of the other Mrs Joe
was a very clean housekeeper but had an exquisite art of making her cleanliness
more uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself Cleanliness is next to
Godliness and some people do the same by their religion
My sister having so much to do was going to church vicariously that is to
say Joe and I were going In his working clothes Joe was a wellknit
characteristiclooking blacksmith in his holiday clothes he was more like a
scarecrow in good circumstances than anything else Nothing that he wore then
fitted him or seemed to belong to him and everything that he wore then grazed
him On the present festive occasion he emerged from his room when the blithe
bells were going the picture of misery in a full suit of Sunday penitentials
As to me I think my sister must have had some general idea that I was a young
offender whom an Accoucheur Policeman had taken up on my birthday and
delivered over to her to be dealt with according to the outraged majesty of the
law I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born in opposition to
the dictates of reason religion and morality and against the dissuading
arguments of my best friends Even when I was taken to have a new suit of
clothes the tailor had orders to make them like a kind of Reformatory and on
no account to let me have the free use of my limbs
Joe and I going to church therefore must have been a moving spectacle for
compassionate minds Yet what I suffered outside was nothing to what I
underwent within The terrors that had assailed me whenever Mrs Joe had gone
near the pantry or out of the room were only to be equalled by the remorse
with which my mind dwelt on what my hands had done Under the weight of my
wicked secret I pondered whether the Church would be powerful enough to shield
me from the vengeance of the terrible young man if I divulged to that
establishment I conceived the idea that the time when the banns were read and
when the clergyman said »Ye are now to declare it« would be the time for me to
rise and propose a private conference in the vestry I am far from being sure
that I might not have astonished our small congregation by resorting to this
extreme measure but for its being Christmas Day and no Sunday
Mr Wopsle the clerk at church was to dine with us and Mr Hubble the
wheelwright and Mrs Hubble and Uncle Pumblechook Joes uncle but Mrs Joe
appropriated him who was a welltodo cornchandler in the nearest town and
drove his own chaisecart The dinner hour was halfpast one When Joe and I got
home we found the table laid and Mrs Joe dressed and the dinner dressing
and the front door unlocked it never was at any other time for the company to
enter by and everything most splendid And still not a word of the robbery
The time came without bringing with it any relief to my feelings and the
company came Mr Wopsle united to a Roman nose and a large shining bald
forehead had a deep voice which he was uncommonly proud of indeed it was
understood among his acquaintance that if you could only give him his head he
would read the clergyman into fits he himself confessed that if the Church was
thrown open meaning to competition he would not despair of making his mark in
it The Church not being thrown open he was as I have said our clerk But he
punished the Amens tremendously and when he gave out the psalm always giving
the whole verse he looked all round the congregation first as much as to say
»You have heard our friend overhead oblige me with your opinion of this style«
I opened the door to the company making believe that it was a habit of
ours to open that door and I opened it first to Mr Wopsle next to Mr and
Mrs Hubble and last of all to Uncle Pumblechook NB I was not allowed to
call him uncle under the severest penalties
»Mrs Joe« said Uncle Pumblechook a large hardbreathing middleaged slow
man with a mouth like a fish dull staring eyes and sandy hair standing
upright on his head so that he looked as if he had just been all but choked
and had that moment come to »I have brought you as the compliments of the
season I have brought you Mum a bottle of sherry wine and I have brought
you Mum a bottle of port wine«
Every Christmas Day he presented himself as a profound novelty with
exactly the same words and carrying the two bottles like dumbbells Every
Christmas Day Mrs Joe replied as she now replied »Oh Uncle Pumblechook
This is kind« Every Christmas Day he retorted as he now retorted »Its no
more than your merits And now are you all bobbish and hows Sixpennorth of
halfpence« meaning me
We dined on these occasions in the kitchen and adjourned for the nuts and
oranges and apples to the parlour which was a change very like Joes change
from his working clothes to his Sunday dress My sister was uncommonly lively on
the present occasion and indeed was generally more gracious in the society of
Mrs Hubble than in other company I remember Mrs Hubble as a little curly
sharpedged person in skyblue who held a conventionally juvenile position
because she had married Mr Hubble I dont know at what remote period when
she was much younger than he I remember Mr Hubble as a tough highshouldered
stooping old man of a sawdusty fragrance with his legs extraordinarily wide
apart so that in my short days I always saw some miles of open country between
them when I met him coming up the lane
Among this good company I should have felt myself even if I hadnt robbed
the pantry in a false position Not because I was squeezed in at an acute angle
of the tablecloth with the table in my chest and the Pumblechookian elbow in
my eye nor because I was not allowed to speak I didnt want to speak nor
because I was regaled with the scaly tips of the drumsticks of the fowls and
with those obscure corners of pork of which the pig when living had had the
least reason to be vain No I should not have minded that if they would only
have left me alone But they wouldnt leave me alone They seemed to think the
opportunity lost if they failed to point the conversation at me every now and
then and stick the point into me I might have been an unfortunate little bull
in a Spanish arena I got so smartingly touched up by these moral goads
It began the moment we sat down to dinner Mr Wopsle said grace with
theatrical declamation as it now appears to me something like a religious
cross of the Ghost in Hamlet with Richard the Third and ended with the very
proper aspiration that we might be truly grateful Upon which my sister fixed me
with her eye and said in a low reproachful voice »Do you hear that Be
grateful«
»Especially« said Mr Pumblechook »be grateful boy to them which brought
you up by hand«
Mrs Hubble shook her head and contemplating me with a mournful
presentiment that I should come to no good asked »Why is it that the young are
never grateful« This moral mystery seemed too much for the company until Mr
Hubble tersely solved it by saying »Naterally wicious« Everybody then murmured
»True« and looked at me in a particularly unpleasant and personal manner
Joes station and influence were something feebler if possible when there
was company than when there was none But he always aided and comforted me when
he could in some way of his own and he always did so at dinnertime by giving
me gravy if there were any There being plenty of gravy today Joe spooned
into my plate at this point about half a pint
A little later on in the dinner Mr Wopsle reviewed the sermon with some
severity and intimated in the usual hypothetical case of the Church being
thrown open what kind of sermon he would have given them After favouring them
with some heads of that discourse he remarked that he considered the subject of
the days homily illchosen which was the less excusable he added when there
were so many subjects going about
»True again« said Uncle Pumblechook »Youve hit it sir Plenty of
subjects going about for them that know how to put salt upon their tails
Thats whats wanted A man neednt go far to find a subject if hes ready with
his saltbox« Mr Pumblechook added after a short interval of reflection
»Look at Pork alone Theres a subject If you want a subject look at Pork«
»True sir Many a moral for the young« returned Mr Wopsle and I knew he
was going to lug me in before he said it »might be deduced from that text«
You listen to this said my sister to me in a severe parenthesis
Joe gave me some more gravy
»Swine« pursued Mr Wopsle in his deepest voice and pointing his fork at
my blushes as if he were mentioning my christian name »Swine were the
companions of the prodigal The gluttony of Swine is put before us as an
example to the young« I thought this pretty well in him who had been praising
up the pork for being so plump and juicy »What is detestable in a pig is more
detestable in a boy«
»Or girl« suggested Mr Hubble
»Of course or girl Mr Hubble« assented Mr Wopsle rather irritably
»but there is no girl present«
»Besides« said Mr Pumblechook turning sharp on me »think what youve got
to be grateful for If youd been born a Squeaker «
»He was if ever a child was« said my sister most emphatically
Joe gave me some more gravy
»Well but I mean a fourfooted Squeaker« said Mr Pumblechook »If you had
been born such would you have been here now Not you «
»Unless in that form« said Mr Wopsle nodding towards the dish
»But I dont mean in that form sir« returned Mr Pumblechook who had an
objection to being interrupted »I mean enjoying himself with his elders and
betters and improving himself with their conversation and rolling in the lap
of luxury Would he have been doing that No he wouldnt And what would have
been your destination« turning on me again »You would have been disposed of
for so many shillings according to the market price of the article and
Dunstable the butcher would have come up to you as you lay in your straw and he
would have whipped you under his left arm and with his right he would have
tucked up his frock to get a penknife from out of his waistcoatpocket and he
would have shed your blood and had your life No bringing up by hand then Not a
bit of it«
Joe offered me more gravy which I was afraid to take
»He was a world of trouble to you maam« said Mrs Hubble commiserating
my sister
»Trouble« echoed my sister »trouble« And then entered on a fearful
catalogue of all the illnesses I had been guilty of and all the acts of
sleeplessness I had committed and all the high places I had tumbled from and
all the low places I had tumbled into and all the injuries I had done myself
and all the times she had wished me in my grave and I had contumaciously
refused to go there
I think the Romans must have aggravated one another very much with their
noses Perhaps they became the restless people they were in consequence
Anyhow Mr Wopsles Roman nose so aggravated me during the recital of my
misdemeanours that I should have liked to pull it until he howled But all I
had endured up to this time was nothing in comparison with the awful feelings
that took possession of me when the pause was broken which ensued upon my
sisters recital and in which pause everybody had looked at me as I felt
painfully conscious with indignation and abhorrence
»Yet« said Mr Pumblechook leading the company gently back to the theme
from which they had strayed »Pork regarded as biled is rich too aint
it«
»Have a little brandy uncle« said my sister
O Heavens it had come at last He would find it was weak he would say it
was weak and I was lost I held tight to the leg of the table under the cloth
with both hands and awaited my fate
My sister went for the stone bottle came back with the stone bottle and
poured his brandy out no one else taking any The wretched man trifled with his
glass took it up looked at it through the light put it down prolonged my
misery All this time Mrs Joe and Joe were briskly clearing the table for the
pie and pudding
I couldnt keep my eyes off him Always holding tight by the leg of the
table with my hands and feet I saw the miserable creature finger his glass
playfully take it up smile throw his head back and drink the brandy off
Instantly afterwards the company were seized with unspeakable consternation
owing to his springing to his feet turning round several times in an appalling
spasmodic whoopingcough dance and rushing out at the door he then became
visible through the window violently plunging and expectorating making the
most hideous faces and apparently out of his mind
I held on tight while Mrs Joe and Joe ran to him I didnt know how I had
done it but I had no doubt I had murdered him somehow In my dreadful
situation it was a relief when he was brought back and surveying the company
all round as if they had disagreed with him sank down into his chair with the
one significant gasp »Tar«
I had filled up the bottle from the tarwater jug I knew he would be worse
byandby I moved the table like a Medium of the present day by the vigour of
my unseen hold upon it
»Tar« cried my sister in amazement »Why how ever could Tar come there«
But Uncle Pumblechook who was omnipotent in that kitchen wouldnt hear
the word wouldnt hear of the subject imperiously waved it all away with his
hand and asked for hot ginandwater My sister who had begun to be alarmingly
meditative had to employ herself actively in getting the gin the hot water
the sugar and the lemonpeel and mixing them For the time at least I was
saved I still held on to the leg of the table but clutched it now with the
fervour of gratitude
By degrees I became calm enough to release my grasp and partake of
pudding Mr Pumblechook partook of pudding All partook of pudding The course
terminated and Mr Pumblechook had begun to beam under the genial influence of
ginandwater I began to think I should get over the day when my sister said
to Joe »Clean plates cold«
I clutched the leg of the table again immediately and pressed it to my
bosom as if it had been the companion of my youth and friend of my soul I
foresaw what was coming and I felt that this time I really was gone
»You must taste« said my sister addressing the guests with her best grace
»you must taste to finish with such a delightful and delicious present of
Uncle Pumblechooks«
Must they Let them not hope to taste it
»You must know« said my sister rising »its a pie a savoury pork pie«
The company murmured their compliments Uncle Pumblechook sensible of
having deserved well of his fellowcreatures said quite vivaciously all
things considered »Well Mrs Joe well do our best endeavours let us have a
cut at this same pie«
My sister went out to get it I heard her steps proceed to the pantry I saw
Mr Pumblechook balance his knife I saw reawakening appetite in the Roman
nostrils of Mr Wopsle I heard Mr Hubble remark that »a bit of savoury pork
pie would lay atop of anything you could mention and do no harm« and I heard
Joe say »You shall have some Pip« I have never been absolutely certain
whether I uttered a shrill yell of terror merely in spirit or in the bodily
hearing of the company I felt that I could bear no more and that I must run
away I released the leg of the table and ran for my life
But I ran no further than the house door for there I ran head foremost into
a party of soldiers with their muskets one of whom held out a pair of handcuffs
to me saying »Here you are look sharp come on«
Chapter V
The apparition of a file of soldiers ringing down the buttends of their loaded
muskets on our doorstep caused the dinnerparty to rise from table in
confusion and caused Mrs Joe reentering the kitchen emptyhanded to stop
short and stare in her wondering lament of »Gracious goodness gracious me
whats gone with the pie«
The sergeant and I were in the kitchen when Mrs Joe stood staring at which
crisis I partially recovered the use of my senses It was the sergeant who had
spoken to me and he was now looking round at the company with his handcuffs
invitingly extended towards them in his right hand and his left on my shoulder
»Excuse me ladies and gentlemen« said the sergeant »but as I have
mentioned at the door to this smart young shaver« which he hadnt »I am on a
chase in the name of the king and I want the blacksmith«
»And pray what might you want with him« retorted my sister quick to resent
his being wanted at all
»Missis« returned the gallant sergeant »speaking for myself I should
reply the honour and pleasure of his fine wifes acquaintance speaking for the
king I answer a little job done«
This was received as rather neat in the sergeant insomuch that Mr
Pumblechook cried audibly »Good again«
»You see blacksmith« said the sergeant who had by this time picked out
Joe with his eye »we have had an accident with these and I find the lock of
one of em goes wrong and the coupling dont act pretty As they are wanted for
immediate service will you throw your eye over them«
Joe threw his eye over them and pronounced that the job would necessitate
the lighting of his forge fire and would take nearer two hours than one »Will
it Then will you set about it at once blacksmith« said the offhand sergeant
»as its on his Majestys service And if my men can bear a hand anywhere
theyll make themselves useful« With that he called to his men who came
trooping into the kitchen one after another and piled their arms in a corner
And then they stood about as soldiers do now with their hands loosely clasped
before them now resting a knee or a shoulder now easing a belt or a pouch
now opening the door to spit stiffly over their high stocks out into the yard
All these things I saw without then knowing that I saw them for I was in an
agony of apprehension But beginning to perceive that the handcuffs were not
for me and that the military had so far got the better of the pie as to put it
in the background I collected a little more of my scattered wits
»Would you give me the Time« said the sergeant addressing himself to Mr
Pumblechook as to a man whose appreciative powers justified the inference that
he was equal to the time
»Its just gone halfpast two«
»Thats not so bad« said the sergeant reflecting »even if I was forced to
halt here nigh two hours thatll do How far might you call yourselves from the
marshes hereabouts Not above a mile I reckon«
»Just a mile« said Mrs Joe
»Thatll do We begin to close in upon em about dusk A little before dusk
my orders are Thatll do«
»Convicts sergeant« asked Mr Wopsle in a matterofcourse way
»Ay« returned the sergeant »two Theyre pretty well known to be out on
the marshes still and they wont try to get clear of em before dusk Anybody
here seen anything of any such game«
Everybody myself excepted said no with confidence Nobody thought of me
»Well« said the sergeant »theyll find themselves trapped in a circle I
expect sooner than they count on Now blacksmith If youre ready his Majesty
the King is«
Joe had got his coat and waistcoat and cravat off and his leather apron on
and passed into the forge One of the soldiers opened its wooden windows
another lighted the fire another turned to at the bellows the rest stood round
the blaze which was soon roaring Then Joe began to hammer and clink hammer
and clink and we all looked on
The interest of the impending pursuit not only absorbed the general
attention but even made my sister liberal She drew a pitcher of beer from the
cask for the soldiers and invited the sergeant to take a glass of brandy But
Mr Pumblechook said sharply »Give him wine Mum Ill engage theres no Tar in
that« so the sergeant thanked him and said that as he preferred his drink
without tar he would take wine if it was equally convenient When it was given
him he drank his Majestys health and compliments of the season and took it
all at a mouthful and smacked his lips
»Good stuff eh sergeant« said Mr Pumblechook
»Ill tell you something« returned the sergeant »I suspect that stuffs of
your providing«
Mr Pumblechook with a fat sort of laugh said »Ay ay Why«
»Because« returned the sergeant clapping him on the shoulder »youre a
man that knows whats what«
»Dye think so« said Mr Pumblechook with his former laugh »Have another
glass«
»With you Hob and nob« returned the sergeant »The top of mine to the foot
of yours the foot of yours to the top of mine Ring once ring twice the
best tune on the Musical Glasses Your health May you live a thousand years
and never be a worse judge of the right sort than you are at the present moment
of your life«
The sergeant tossed off his glass again and seemed quite ready for another
glass I noticed that Mr Pumblechook in his hospitality appeared to forget that
he had made a present of the wine but took the bottle from Mrs Joe and had all
the credit of handing it about in a gush of joviality Even I got some And he
was so very free of the wine that he even called for the other bottle and
handed that about with the same liberality when the first was gone
As I watched them while they all stood clustering about the forge enjoying
themselves so much I thought what terrible good sauce for a dinner my fugitive
friend on the marshes was They had not enjoyed themselves a quarter so much
before the entertainment was brightened with the excitement he furnished And
now when they were all in lively anticipation of the two villains being taken
and when the bellows seemed to roar for the fugitives the fire to flare for
them the smoke to hurry away in pursuit of them Joe to hammer and clink for
them and all the murky shadows on the wall to shake at them in menace as the
blaze rose and sank and the redhot sparks dropped and died the pale afternoon
outside almost seemed in my pitying young fancy to have turned pale on their
account poor wretches
At last Joes job was done and the ringing and roaring stopped As Joe got
on his coat he mustered courage to propose that some of us should go down with
the soldiers and see what came of the hunt Mr Pumblechook and Mr Hubble
declined on the plea of a pipe and ladies society but Mr Wopsle said he
would go if Joe would Joe said he was agreeable and would take me if Mrs
Joe approved We never should have got leave to go I am sure but for Mrs
Joes curiosity to know all about it and how it ended As it was she merely
stipulated »If you bring the boy back with his head blown to bits by a musket
dont look to me to put it together again«
The sergeant took a polite leave of the ladies and parted from Mr
Pumblechook as from a comrade though I doubt if he were quite as fully sensible
of that gentlemans merits under arid conditions as when something moist was
going His men resumed their muskets and fell in Mr Wopsle Joe and I
received strict charge to keep in the rear and to speak no word after we
reached the marshes When we were all out in the raw air and were steadily
moving towards our business I treasonably whispered to Joe »I hope Joe we
shant find them« And Joe whispered to me »Id give a shilling if they had cut
and run Pip«
We were joined by no stragglers from the village for the weather was cold
and threatening the way dreary the footing bad darkness coming on and the
people had good fires indoors and were keeping the day A few faces hurried to
glowing windows and looked after us but none came out We passed the
fingerpost and held straight on to the churchyard There we were stopped a
few minutes by a signal from the sergeants hand while two or three of his men
dispersed themselves among the graves and also examined the porch They came in
again without finding anything and then we struck out on the open marshes
through the gate at the side of the churchyard A bitter sleet came rattling
against us here on the east wind and Joe took me on his back
Now that we were out upon the dismal wilderness where they little thought I
had been within eight or nine hours and had seen both men hiding I considered
for the first time with great dread if we should come upon them would my
particular convict suppose that it was I who had brought the soldiers there He
had asked me if I was a deceiving imp and he said I should be a fierce young
hound if I joined the hunt against him Would he believe that I was both imp and
hound in treacherous earnest and had betrayed him
It was of no use asking myself this question now There I was on Joes
back and there was Joe beneath me charging at the ditches like a hunter and
stimulating Mr Wopsle not to tumble on his Roman nose and to keep up with us
The soldiers were in front of us extending into a pretty wide line with an
interval between man and man We were taking the course I had begun with and
from which I had diverged into the mist Either the mist was not out again yet
or the wind had dispelled it Under the low red glare of sunset the beacon and
the gibbet and the mound of the Battery and the opposite shore of the river
were plain though all of a watery lead colour
With my heart thumping like a blacksmith at Joes broad shoulder I looked
all about for any sign of the convicts I could see none I could hear none Mr
Wopsle had greatly alarmed me more than once by his blowing and hard breathing
but I knew the sounds by this time and could dissociate them from the object of
pursuit I got a dreadful start when I thought I heard the file still going
but it was only a sheep bell The sheep stopped in their eating and looked
timidly at us and the cattle their heads turned from the wind and sleet
stared angrily as if they held us responsible for both annoyances but except
these things and the shudder of the dying day in every blade of grass there
was no break in the bleak stillness of the marshes
The soldiers were moving on in the direction of the old Battery and we were
moving on a little way behind them when all of a sudden we all stopped For
there had reached us on the wings of the wind and rain a long shout It was
repeated It was at a distance towards the east but it was long and loud Nay
there seemed to be two or more shouts raised together if one might judge from
a confusion in the sound
To this effect the sergeant and the nearest men were speaking under their
breath when Joe and I came up After another moments listening Joe who was a
good judge agreed and Mr Wopsle who was a bad judge agreed The sergeant a
decisive man ordered that the sound should not be answered but that the course
should be changed and that his men should make towards it at the double So we
started to the right where the East was and Joe pounded away so wonderfully
that I had to hold on tight to keep my seat
It was a run indeed now and what Joe called in the only two words he spoke
all the time a Winder Down banks and up banks and over gates and splashing
into dykes and breaking among coarse rushes no man cared where he went As we
came nearer to the shouting it became more and more apparent that it was made
by more than one voice Sometimes it seemed to stop altogether and then the
soldiers stopped When it broke out again the soldiers made for it at a greater
rate than ever and we after them After a while we had so run it down that we
could hear one voice calling »Murder« and another voice »Convicts Runaways
Guard This way for the runaway convicts« Then both voices would seem to be
stifled in a struggle and then would break out again And when it had come to
this the soldiers ran like deer and Joe too
The sergeant ran in first when we had run the noise quite down and two of
his men ran in close upon him Their pieces were cocked and levelled when we all
ran in
»Here are both men« panted the sergeant struggling at the bottom of a
ditch »Surrender you two and confound you for two wild beasts Come asunder«
Water was splashing and mud was flying and oaths were being sworn and
blows were being struck when some more men went down into the ditch to help the
sergeant and dragged out separately my convict and the other one Both were
bleeding and panting and execrating and struggling but of course I knew them
both directly
»Mind« said my convict wiping blood from his face with his ragged sleeves
and shaking torn hair from his fingers »I took him I give him up to you Mind
that«
»Its not much to be particular about« said the sergeant »itll do you
small good my man being in the same plight yourself Handcuffs there«
»I dont expect it to do me any good I dont want it to do me more good
than it does now« said my convict with a greedy laugh »I took him He knows
it Thats enough for me«
The other convict was livid to look at and in addition to the old bruised
left side of his face seemed to be bruised and torn all over He could not so
much as get his breath to speak until they were both separately handcuffed but
leaned upon a soldier to keep himself from falling
»Take notice guard he tried to murder me« were his first words
»Tried to murder him« said my convict disdainfully »Try and not do it I
took him and giv him up thats what I done I not only prevented him getting
off the marshes but I dragged him here dragged him this far on his way back
Hes a gentleman if you please this villain Now the Hulks has got its
gentleman again through me Murder him Worth my while too to murder him
when I could do worse and drag him back«
The other one still gasped »He tried he tried to murder me Bear
bear witness«
»Lookee here« said my convict to the sergeant »Singlehanded I got clear
of the prisonship I made a dash and I done it I could ha got clear of these
deathcold flats likewise look at my leg you wont find much iron on it if
I hadnt made discovery that he was here Let him go free Let him profit by the
means as I found out Let him make a tool of me afresh and again Once more No
no no If I had died at the bottom there« and he made an emphatic swing at the
ditch with his manacled hands »Id have held to him with that grip that you
should have been safe to find him in my hold«
The other fugitive who was evidently in extreme horror of his companion
repeated »He tried to murder me I should have been a dead man if you had not
come up«
»He lies« said my convict with fierce energy »Hes a liar born and hell
die a liar Look at his face aint it written there Let him turn those eyes of
his on me I defy him to do it«
The other with an effort at a scornful smile which could not however
collect the nervous working of his mouth into any set expression looked at the
soldiers and looked about at the marshes and at the sky but certainly did not
look at the speaker
»Do you see him« pursued my convict »Do you see what a villain he is Do
you see those grovelling and wandering eyes Thats how he looked when we were
tried together He never looked at me«
The other always working and working his dry lips and turning his eyes
restlessly about him far and near did at last turn them for a moment on the
speaker with the words »You are not much to look at« and with a halftaunting
glance at the bound hands At that point my convict became so frantically
exasperated that he would have rushed upon him but for the interposition of the
soldiers »Didnt I tell you« said the other convict then »that he would
murder me if he could« And any one could see that he shook with fear and that
there broke out upon his lips curious white flakes like thin snow
»Enough of this parley« said the sergeant »Light those torches«
As one of the soldiers who carried a basket in lieu of a gun went down on
his knee to open it my convict looked round him for the first time and saw me
I had alighted from Joes back on the brink of the ditch when we came up and
had not moved since I looked at him eagerly when he looked at me and slightly
moved my hands and shook my head I had been waiting for him to see me that I
might try to assure him of my innocence It was not at all expressed to me that
he even comprehended my intention for he gave me a look that I did not
understand and it all passed in a moment But if he had looked at me for an
hour or for a day I could not have remembered his face ever afterwards as
having been more attentive
The soldier with the basket soon got a light and lighted three or four
torches and took one himself and distributed the others It had been almost
dark before but now it seemed quite dark and soon afterwards very dark Before
we departed from that spot four soldiers standing in a ring fired twice into
the air Presently we saw other torches kindled at some distance behind us and
others on the marshes on the opposite bank of the river »All right« said the
sergeant »March«
We had not gone far when three cannon were fired ahead of us with a sound
that seemed to burst something inside my ear »You are expected on board« said
the sergeant to my convict »they know you are coming Dont straggle my man
Close up here«
The two were kept apart and each walked surrounded by a separate guard I
had hold of Joes hand now and Joe carried one of the torches Mr Wopsle had
been for going back but Joe was resolved to see it out so we went on with the
party There was a reasonably good path now mostly on the edge of the river
with a divergence here and there where a dyke came with a miniature windmill on
it and a muddy sluicegate When I looked round I could see the other lights
coming in after us The torches we carried dropped great blotches of fire upon
the track and I could see those too lying smoking and flaring I could see
nothing else but black darkness Our lights warmed the air about us with their
pitchy blaze and the two prisoners seemed rather to like that as they limped
along in the midst of the muskets We could not go fast because of their
lameness and they were so spent that two or three times we had to halt while
they rested
After an hour or so of this travelling we came to a rough wooden hut and a
landingplace These was a guard in the hut and they challenged and the
sergeant answered Then we went into the hut where there was a smell of
tobacco and whitewash and a bright fire and a lamp and a stand of muskets
and a drum and a low wooden bedstead like an overgrown mangle without the
machinery capable of holding about a dozen soldiers all at once Three or four
soldiers who lay upon it in their greatcoats were not much interested in us
but just lifted their heads and took a sleepy stare and then lay down again
The sergeant made some kind of report and some entry in a book and then the
convict whom I call the other convict was drafted off with his guard to go on
board first
My convict never looked at me except that once While we stood in the hut
he stood before the fire looking thoughtfully at it or putting up his feet by
turns upon the hob and looking thoughtfully at them as if he pitied them for
their recent adventures Suddenly he turned to the sergeant and remarked
»I wish to say something respecting this escape It may prevent some persons
laying under suspicion alonger me«
»You can say what you like« returned the sergeant standing coolly looking
at him with his arms folded »but you have no call to say it here Youll have
opportunity enough to say about it and hear about it befores its done with
you know«
»I know but this is another pint a separate matter A man can cant
starve at least I cant I took some wittles up at the village over yonder
where the church stands amost out on the marshes«
»You mean stole« said the sergeant
»And Ill tell you where from From the blacksmiths«
»Halloa« said the sergeant staring at Joe
»Halloa Pip« said Joe staring at me
»It was some broken wittles thats what it was and a dram of liquor and
a pie«
»Have you happened to miss such an article as a pie blacksmith« asked the
sergeant confidentially
»My wife did at the very moment when you came in Dont you know Pip«
»So« said my convict turning his eyes on Joe in a moody manner and
without the least glance at me »so youre the blacksmith are you Then Im
sorry to say Ive eat your pie«
»God knows youre welcome to it so far as it was ever mine« returned Joe
with a saving remembrance of Mrs Joe »We dont know what you have done but we
wouldnt have you starved to death for it poor miserable fellowcreatur
Would us Pip«
The something that I had noticed before clicked in the mans throat again
and he turned his back The boat had returned and his guard were ready so we
followed him to the landingplace made of rough stakes and stones and saw him
put into the boat which was rowed by a crew of convicts like himself No one
seemed surprised to see him or interested in seeing him or glad to see him or
sorry to see him or spoke a word except that somebody in the boat growled as
if to dogs »Give way you« which was the signal for the dip of the oars By
the light of the torches we saw the black Hulk lying out a little way from the
mud of the shore like a wicked Noahs ark Cribbed and barred and moored by
massive rusty chains the prisonship seemed in my young eyes to be ironed like
the prisoners We saw the boat go alongside and we saw him taken up the side
and disappear Then the ends of the torches were flung hissing into the water
and went out as if it were all over with him
Chapter VI
My state of mind regarding the pilfering from which I had been so unexpectedly
exonerated did not impel me to frank disclosure but I hope it had some dregs
of good at the bottom of it
I do not recall that I felt any tenderness of conscience in reference to
Mrs Joe when the fear of being found out was lifted off me But I loved Joe
perhaps for no better reason in those early days than because the dear fellow
let me love him and as to him my inner self was not so easily composed It
was much upon my mind particularly when I first saw him looking about for his
file that I ought to tell Joe the whole truth Yet I did not and for the
reason that I mistrusted that if I did he would think me worse than I was The
fear of losing Joes confidence and of thenceforth sitting in the
chimneycorner at night staring drearily at my for ever lost companion and
friend tied up my tongue I morbidly represented to myself that if Joe knew it
I never afterwards could see him at the fireside feeling his fair whisker
without thinking that he was meditating on it That if Joe knew it I never
afterwards could see him glance however casually at yesterdays meat or
pudding when it came on todays table without thinking that he was debating
whether I had been in the pantry That if Joe knew it and at any subsequent
period of our joint domestic life remarked that his beer was flat or thick the
conviction that he suspected Tar in it would bring a rush of blood to my face
In a word I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right as I had been too
cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong I had had no intercourse with
the world at that time and I imitated none of its many inhabitants who act in
this manner Quite an untaught genius I made the discovery of the line of
action for myself
As I was sleepy before we were far away from the prisonship Joe took me on
his back again and carried me home He must have had a tiresome journey of it
for Mr Wopsle being knocked up was in such a very bad temper that if the
Church had been thrown open he would probably have excommunicated the whole
expedition beginning with Joe and myself In his lay capacity he persisted in
sitting down in the damp to such an insane extent that when his coat was taken
off to be dried at the kitchen fire the circumstantial evidence on his trousers
would have hanged him if it had been a capital offence
By that time I was staggering on the kitchen floor like a little drunkard
through having been newly set upon my feet and through having been fast asleep
and through waking in the heat and lights and noise of tongues As I came to
myself with the aid of a heavy thump between the shoulders and the restorative
exclamation »Yah Was there ever such a boy as this« from my sister I found
Joe telling them about the convicts confession and all the visitors suggesting
different ways by which he had got into the pantry Mr Pumblechook made out
after carefully surveying the premises that he had first got upon the roof of
the forge and had then got upon the roof of the house and had then let himself
down the kitchen chimney by a rope made of his bedding cut into strips and as
Mr Pumblechook was very positive and drove his own chaisecart over everybody
it was agreed that it must be so Mr Wopsle indeed wildly cried out »No«
with the feeble malice of a tired man but as he had no theory and no coat on
he was unanimously set at nought not to mention his smoking hard behind as he
stood with his back to the kitchen fire to draw the damp out which was not
calculated to inspire confidence
This was all I heard that night before my sister clutched me as a
slumberous offence to the companys eyesight and assisted me up to bed with
such a strong hand that I seemed to have fifty boots on and to be dangling them
all against the edges of the stairs My state of mind as I have described it
began before I was up in the morning and lasted long after the subject had died
out and had ceased to be mentioned saving on exceptional occasions
Chapter VII
At the time when I stood in the churchyard reading the family tombstones I had
just enough learning to be able to spell them out My construction even of their
simple meaning was not very correct for I read wife of the Above as a
complimentary reference to my fathers exaltation to a better world and if any
one of my deceased relations had been referred to as »Below« I have no doubt I
should have formed the worst opinions of that member of the family Neither were
my notions of the theological positions to which my Catechism bound me at all
accurate for I have a lively remembrance that I supposed my declaration that I
was to »walk in the same all the days of my life« laid me under an obligation
always to go through the village from our house in one particular direction and
never to vary it by turning down by the wheelwrights or up by the mill
When I was old enough I was to be apprenticed to Joe and until I could
assume that dignity I was not to be what Mrs Joe called Pompeyed or as I
render it pampered Therefore I was not only oddboy about the forge but if
any neighbour happened to want an extra boy to frighten birds or pick up
stones or do any such job I was favoured with the employment In order
however that our superior position might not be compromised thereby a
moneybox was kept on the kitchen mantelshelf into which it was publicly made
known that all my earnings were dropped I have an impression that they were to
be contributed eventually towards the liquidation of the National Debt but I
know I had no hope of any personal participation in the treasure
Mr Wopsles greataunt kept an evening school in the village that is to
say she was a ridiculous old woman of limited means and unlimited infirmity
who used to go to sleep from six to seven every evening in the society of youth
who paid twopence per week each for the improving opportunity of seeing her do
it She rented a small cottage and Mr Wopsle had the room upstairs where we
students used to overhear him reading aloud in a most dignified and terrific
manner and occasionally bumping on the ceiling There was a fiction that Mr
Wopsle examined the scholars once a quarter What he did on those occasions was
to turn up his cuffs stick up his hair and give us Mark Antonys oration over
the body of Cæsar This was always followed by Collinss Ode on the Passions
wherein I particularly venerated Mr Wopsle as Revenge throwing his
bloodstained sword in thunder down and taking the Wardenouncing trumpet with
a withering look It was not with me then as it was in later life when I fell
into the society of the Passions and compared them with Collins and Wopsle
rather to the disadvantage of both gentlemen
Mr Wopsles greataunt besides keeping this Educational Institution kept
in the same room a little general shop She had no idea what stock she had or
what the price of anything in it was but there was a little greasy
memorandumbook kept in a drawer which served as a Catalogue of Prices and by
this oracle Biddy arranged all the shop transactions Biddy was Mr Wopsles
greataunts granddaughter I confess myself quite unequal to the working out of
the problem what relation she was to Mr Wopsle She was an orphan like myself
like me too had been brought up by hand She was most noticeable I thought
in respect of her extremities for her hair always wanted brushing her hands
always wanted washing and her shoes always wanted mending and pulling up at
heel This description must be received with a weekday limitation On Sundays
she went to church elaborated
Much of my unassisted self and more by the help of Biddy than of Mr
Wopsles greataunt I struggled through the alphabet as if it had been a
bramblebush getting considerably worried and scratched by every letter After
that I fell among those thieves the nine figures who seemed every evening to
do something new to disguise themselves and baffle recognition But at last I
began in a purblind groping way to read write and cipher on the very
smallest scale
One night I was sitting in the chimneycorner with my slate expending
great efforts on the production of a letter to Joe I think it must have been a
full year after our hunt upon the marshes for it was a long time after and it
was winter and a hard frost With an alphabet on the hearth at my feet for
reference I contrived in an hour or two to print and smear this epistle
»MI DEER JO I OPE U R KRWITE WELL I OPE I SHAL SON B HABELL 4 2 TEEDGE U JO
AN THEN WE SHORL B SO GLODD AN WEN I M PRENGTD 2 U JO WOT LARX AN BLEVE ME INF
XN PIP«
There was no indispensable necessity for my communicating with Joe by
letter inasmuch as he sat beside me and we were alone But I delivered this
written communication slate and all with my own hand and Joe received it as
a miracle of erudition
»I say Pip old chap« cried Joe opening his blue eyes wide »what a
scholar you are Aint you«
»I should like to be« said I glancing at the slate as he held it with a
misgiving that the writing was rather hilly
»Why heres a J« said Joe »and a O equal to anythink Heres a J and a O
Pip and a JO Joe«
I had never heard Joe read aloud to any greater extent than this
monosyllable and I had observed at church last Sunday when I accidentally held
our Prayerbook upside down that it seemed to suit his convenience quite as
well as if it had been all right Wishing to embrace the present occasion of
finding out whether in teaching Joe I should have to begin quite at the
beginning I said »Ah But read the rest Joe«
»The rest eh Pip« said Joe looking at it with a slowly searching eye
»One two three Why heres three Js and three Os and three JO Joes in
it Pip«
I leaned over Joe and with the aid of my forefinger read him the whole
letter
»Astonishing« said Joe when I had finished »You ARE a scholar«
»How do you spell Gargery Joe« I asked him with a modest patronage
»I dont spell it at all« said Joe
»But supposing you did«
»It cant be supposed« said Joe »Tho Im oncommon fond of reading too«
»Are you Joe«
»Oncommon Give me« said Joe »a good book or a good newspaper and sit
me down afore a good fire and I ask no better Lord« he continued after
rubbing his knees a little »when you do come to a J and a O and says you
Here at last is a JO Joe how interesting reading is«
I derived from this last that Joes education like Steam was yet in its
infancy Pursuing the subject I inquired
»Didnt you ever go to school Joe when you were as little as me«
»No Pip«
»Why didnt you ever go to school Joe when you were as little as me«
»Well Pip« said Joe taking up the poker and settling himself to his
usual occupation when he was thoughtful of slowly raking the fire between the
lower bars »Ill tell you My father Pip he were given to drink and when he
were overtook with drink he hammered away at my mother most onmerciful It were
amost the only hammering he did indeed xcepting at myself And he hammered
at me with a wigour only to be equalled by the wigour with which he didnt
hammer at his anwil Youre alistening and understanding Pip«
»Yes Joe«
»Consequence my mother and me we ran away from my father several times
and then my mother shed go out to work and shed say Joe shed say now
please God you shall have some schooling child and shed put me to school
But my father were that good in his hart that he couldnt abear to be without
us So hed come with a most tremenjous crowd and make such a row at the doors
of the houses where we was that they used to be obligated to have no more to do
with us and to give us up to him And then he took us home and hammered us
Which you see Pip« said Joe pausing in his meditative raking of the fire
and looking at me »were a drawback on my learning«
»Certainly poor Joe«
»Though mind you Pip« said Joe with a judicial touch or two of the poker
on the top bar »rendering unto all their doo and maintaining equal justice
betwixt man and man my father were that good in his hart dont you see«
I didnt see but I didnt say so
»Well« Joe pursued »somebody must keep the pot abiling Pip or the pot
wont bile dont you know«
I saw that and said so
»Consequence my father didnt make objections to my going to work so I
went to work at my present calling which were his too if he would have
followed it and I worked tolerable hard I assure you Pip In time I were able
to keep him and I kep him till he went off in a purple leptic fit And it were
my intentions to have had put upon his tombstone that Whatsumeer the failings
on his part Remember reader he were that good in his hart«
Joe recited this couplet with such manifest pride and careful perspicuity
that I asked him if he had made it himself
»I made it« said Joe »my own self I made it in a moment It was like
striking out a horseshoe complete in a single blow I never was so much
surprised in all my life couldnt credit my own ed to tell you the truth
hardly believed it were my own ed As I was saying Pip it were my intentions
to have had it cut over him but poetry costs money cut it how you will small
or large and it were not done Not to mention bearers all the money that could
be spared were wanted for my mother She were in poor elth and quite broke She
warent long of following poor soul and her share of peace come round at
last«
Joes blue eyes turned a little watery he rubbed first one of them and
then the other in a most uncongenial and uncomfortable manner with the round
knob on the top of the poker
»It were but lonesome then« said Joe »living here alone and I got
acquainted with your sister Now Pip« Joe looked firmly at me as if he knew I
was not going to agree with him »your sister is a fine figure of a woman«
I could not help looking at the fire in an obvious state of doubt
»Whatever family opinions or whatever the worlds opinions on that subject
may be Pip your sister is« Joe tapped the top bar with the poker after every
word following »a fine figure of a woman«
I could think of nothing better to say than »I am glad you think so Joe«
»So am I« returned Joe catching me up »I am glad I think so Pip A
little redness or a little matter of Bone here or there what does it signify
to Me«
I sagaciously observed if it didnt signify to him to whom did it signify
»Certainly« assented Joe »Thats it Youre right old chap When I got
acquainted with your sister it were the talk how she was bringing you up by
hand Very kind of her too all the folks said and I said along with all the
folks As to you« Joe pursued with a countenance expressive of seeing
something very nasty indeed »if you could have been aware how small and flabby
and mean you was dear me youd have formed the most contemptible opinions of
yourself«
Not exactly relishing this I said »Never mind me Joe«
»But I did mind you Pip« he returned with tender simplicity »When I
offered to your sister to keep company and to be asked in church at such times
as she was willing and ready to come to the forge I said to her And bring the
poor little child God bless the poor little child I said to your sister
theres room for him at the forge «
I broke out crying and begging pardon and hugged Joe round the neck who
dropped the poker to hug me and to say »Ever the best of friends aint us
Pip Dont cry old chap«
When this little interruption was over Joe resumed
»Well you see Pip and here we are Thats about where it lights here we
are Now when you take me in hand in my learning Pip and I tell you
beforehand I am awful dull most awful dull Mrs Joe mustnt see too much of
what were up to It must be done as I may say on the sly And why on the sly
Ill tell you why Pip«
He had taken up the poker again without which I doubt if he could have
proceeded in his demonstration
»Your sister is given to government«
»Given to government Joe« I was startled for I had some shadowy idea and
I am afraid I must add hope that Joe had divorced her in favour of the Lords
of the Admiralty or Treasury
»Given to government« said Joe »Which I meantersay the government of you
and myself«
»Oh«
»And she aint over partial to having scholars on the premises« Joe
continued »and in partickler would not be over partial to my being a scholar
for fear as I might rise Like a sort of rebel dont you see«
I was going to retort with an inquiry and had got as far as »Why « when
Joe stopped me
»Stay a bit I know what youre agoing to say Pip stay a bit I dont
deny that your sister comes the Mogul over us now and again I dont deny that
she do throw us backfalls and that she do drop down upon us heavy At such
times as when your sister is on the Rampage Pip« Joe sank his voice to a
whisper and glanced at the door »candour compels fur to admit that she is a
Buster«
Joe pronounced this word as if it began with at least twelve capital Bs
»Why dont I rise That were your observation when I broke it off Pip«
»Yes Joe«
»Well« said Joe passing the poker into his left hand that he might feel
his whisker and I had no hope of him whenever he took to that placid
occupation »your sisters a mastermind A master
»Whats that« I asked in some hope of bringing him to a stand But Joe
was readier with his definition than I had expected and completely stopped me
by arguing circularly and answering with a fixed look »Her«
»And I aint a mastermind« Joe resumed when he had unfixed his look and
got back to his whisker »And last of all Pip and this I want to say very
serous to you old chap I see so much in my poor mother of a woman drudging
and slaving and breaking her honest hart and never getting no peace in her
mortal days that Im dead afeerd of going wrong in the way of not doing whats
right by a woman and Id fur rather of the two go wrong the tother way and be
a little illconwenienced myself I wish it was only me that got put out Pip I
wish there warnt no Tickler for you old chap I wish I could take it all on
myself but this is the upanddownandstraight on it Pip and I hope youll
overlook shortcomings«
Young as I was I believe that I dated a new admiration of Joe from that
night We were equals afterwards as we had been before but afterwards at
quiet times when I sat looking at Joe and thinking about him I had a new
sensation of feeling conscious that I was looking up to Joe in my heart
»However« said Joe rising to replenish the fire »heres the Dutchclock
aworking himself up to being equal to strike Eight of em and shes not come
home yet I hope Uncle Pumblechooks mare maynt have set a forefoot on a piece
o ice and gone down«
Mrs Joe made occasional trips with Uncle Pumblechook on marketdays to
assist him in buying such household stuffs and goods as required a womans
judgment Uncle Pumblechook being a bachelor and reposing no confidences in his
domestic servant This was marketday and Mrs Joe was out on one of these
expeditions
Joe made the fire and swept the hearth and then we went to the door to
listen for the chaisecart It was a dry cold night and the wind blew keenly
and the frost was white and hard A man would die tonight of lying out on the
marshes I thought And then I looked at the stars and considered how awful it
would be for a man to turn his face up to them as he froze to death and see no
help or pity in all the glittering multitude
»Here comes the mare« said Joe »ringing like a peal of bells«
The sound of her iron shoes upon the hard road was quite musical as she
came along at a much brisker trot than usual We got a chair out ready for Mrs
Joes alighting and stirred up the fire that they might see a bright window
and took a final survey of the kitchen that nothing might be out of its place
When we had completed these preparations they drove up wrapped to the eyes
Mrs Joe was soon landed and Uncle Pumblechook was soon down too covering the
mare with a cloth and we were soon all in the kitchen carrying so much cold
air with us that it seemed to drive all the heat out of the fire
»Now« said Mrs Joe unwrapping herself with haste and excitement and
throwing her bonnet back on her shoulders where it hung by the strings »if this
boy aint grateful this night he never will be«
I looked as grateful as any boy possibly could who was wholly uninformed
why he ought to assume that expression
»Its only to be hoped« said my sister »that he wont be Pompeyed But I
have my fears«
»She aint in that line Mum« said Mr Pumblechook »She knows better«
She I looked at Joe making the motion with my lips and eyebrows »She«
Joe looked at me making the motion with his lips and eyebrows »She« My sister
catching him in the act he drew the back of his hand across his nose with his
usual conciliatory air on such occasions and looked at her
»Well« said my sister in her snappish way »What are you staring at Is
the house afire«
» Which some individual« Joe politely hinted »mentioned she«
»And she is a she I suppose« said my sister »Unless you call Miss
Havisham a he And I doubt if even youll go so far as that«
»Miss Havisham up town« said Joe
»Is there any Miss Havisham down town« returned my sister »She wants this
boy to go and play there And of course hes going And he had better play
there« said my sister shaking her head at me as an encouragement to be
extremely light and sportive »or Ill work him«
I had heard of Miss Havisham up town everybody for miles round had heard
of Miss Havisham up town as an immensely rich and grim lady who lived in a
large and dismal house barricaded against robbers and who led a life of
seclusion
»Well to be sure« said Joe astounded »I wonder how she comes to know
Pip«
»Noodle« cried my sister »Who said she knew him«
» Which some individual« Joe again politely hinted »mentioned that she
wanted him to go and play there«
»And couldnt she ask Uncle Pumblechook if he knew of a boy to go and play
there Isnt it just barely possible that Uncle Pumblechook may be a tenant of
hers and that he may sometimes we wont say quarterly or halfyearly for
that would be requiring too much of you but sometimes go there to pay his
rent And couldnt she then ask Uncle Pumblechook if he knew of a boy to go and
play there And couldnt Uncle Pumblechook being always considerate and
thoughtful for us though you may not think it Joseph« in a tone of the
deepest reproach as if he were the most callous of nephews »then mention this
boy standing Prancing here« which I solemnly declare I was not doing »that
I have for ever been a willing slave to«
»Good again« cried Uncle Pumblechook »Well put Prettily pointed Good
indeed Now Joseph you know the case«
»No Joseph« said my sister still in a reproachful manner while Joe
apologetically drew the back of his hand across and across his nose »you do not
yet though you may not think it know the case You may consider that you do
but you do not Joseph For you do not know that Uncle Pumblechook being
sensible that for anything we can tell this boys fortune may be made by his
going to Miss Havishams has offered to take him into town tonight in his own
chaisecart and to keep him tonight and to take him with his own hands to
Miss Havishams tomorrow morning And Loramussyme« cried my sister casting
off her bonnet in sudden desperation »here I stand talking to mere Mooncalfs
with Uncle Pumblechook waiting and the mare catching cold at the door and the
boy grimed with crock and dirt from the hair of his head to the sole of his
foot«
With that she pounced on me like an eagle on a lamb and my face was
squeezed into wooden bowls in sinks and my head was put under taps of
waterbutts and I was soaped and kneaded and towelled and thumped and
harrowed and rasped until I really was quite beside myself I may here remark
that I suppose myself to be better acquainted than any living authority with
the ridgy effect of a weddingring passing unsympathetically over the human
countenance
When my ablutions were completed I was put into clean linen of the stiffest
character like a young penitent into sackcloth and was trussed up in my
tightest and fearfullest suit I was then delivered over to Mr Pumblechook who
formally received me as if he were the Sheriff and who let off upon me the
speech that I knew he had been dying to make all along »Boy be for ever
grateful to all friends but especially unto them which brought you up by hand«
»Goodbye Joe«
»God bless you Pip old chap«
I had never parted from him before and what with my feelings and what with
soapsuds I could at first see no stars from the chaisecart But they twinkled
out one by one without throwing any light on the questions why on earth I was
going to play at Miss Havishams and what on earth I was expected to play at
Chapter VIII
Mr Pumblechooks premises in the Highstreet of the market town were of a
peppercorny and farinaceous character as the premises of a cornchandler and
seedsman should be It appeared to me that he must be a very happy man indeed
to have so many little drawers in his shop and I wondered when I peeped into
one or two on the lower tiers and saw the tiedup brown paper packets inside
whether the flowerseeds and bulbs ever wanted of a fine day to break out of
those jails and bloom
It was in the early morning after my arrival that I entertained this
speculation On the previous night I had been sent straight to bed in an attic
with a sloping roof which was so low in the corner where the bedstead was that
I calculated the tiles as being within a foot of my eyebrows In the same early
morning I discovered a singular affinity between seeds and corduroys Mr
Pumblechook wore corduroys and so did his shopman and somehow there was a
general air and flavour about the corduroys so much in the nature of seeds and
a general air and flavour about the seeds so much in the nature of corduroys
that I hardly knew which was which The same opportunity served me for noticing
that Mr Pumblechook appeared to conduct his business by looking across the
street at the saddler who appeared to transact his business by keeping his eye
on the coachmaker who appeared to get on in life by putting his hands in his
pockets and contemplating the baker who in his turn folded his arms and stared
at the grocer who stood at his door and yawned at the chemist The watchmaker
always poring over a little desk with a magnifying glass at his eye and always
inspected by a group in smockfrocks poring over him through the glass of his
shopwindow seemed to be about the only person in the Highstreet whose trade
engaged his attention
Mr Pumblechook and I breakfasted at eight oclock in the parlour behind the
shop while the shopman took his mug of tea and hunch of breadandbutter on a
sack of peas in the front premises I considered Mr Pumblechook wretched
company Besides being possessed by my sisters idea that a mortifying and
penitential character ought to be imparted to my diet besides giving me as
much crumb as possible in combination with as little butter and putting such a
quantity of warm water into my milk that it would have been more candid to have
left the milk out altogether his conversation consisted of nothing but
arithmetic On my politely bidding him Good morning he said pompously »Seven
times nine boy« And how should I be able to answer dodged in that way in a
strange place on an empty stomach I was hungry but before I had swallowed a
morsel he began a running sum that lasted all through the breakfast »Seven«
»And four« »And eight« »And six« »And two« »And ten« And so on And after
each figure was disposed of it was as much as I could do to get a bite or a
sup before the next came while he sat at his ease guessing nothing and eating
bacon and hot roll in if I may be allowed the expression a gorging and
gormandising manner
For such reasons I was very glad when ten oclock came and we started for
Miss Havishams though I was not at all at my ease regarding the manner in
which I should acquit myself under that ladys roof Within a quarter of an hour
we came to Miss Havishams house which was of old brick and dismal and had a
great many iron bars to it Some of the windows had been walled up of those
that remained all the lower were rustily barred There was a courtyard in
front and that was barred so we had to wait after ringing the bell until
some one should come to open it While we waited at the gate I peeped in even
then Mr Pumblechook said »And fourteen« but I pretended not to hear him and
saw that at the side of the house there was a large brewery No brewing was
going on in it and none seemed to have gone on for a long time
A window was raised and a clear voice demanded »What name« To which my
conductor replied »Pumblechook« The voice returned »Quite right« and the
window was shut again and a young lady came across the courtyard with keys in
her hand
»This« said Mr Pumblechook »is Pip«
»This is Pip is it« returned the young lady who was very pretty and
seemed very proud »come in Pip«
Mr Pumblechook was coming in also when she stopped him with the gate
»Oh« she said »Did you wish to see Miss Havisham«
»If Miss Havisham wished to see me« returned Mr Pumblechook discomfited
»Ah« said the girl »but you see she dont«
She said it so finally and in such an undiscussible way that Mr
Pumblechook though in a condition of ruffled dignity could not protest But he
eyed me severely as if I had done anything to him and departed with the
words reproachfully delivered »Boy Let your behaviour here be a credit unto
them which brought you up by hand« I was not free from apprehension that he
would come back to propound through the gate »And sixteen« But he didnt
My young conductress locked the gate and we went across the courtyard It
was paved and clean but grass was growing in every crevice The brewery
buildings had a little lane of communication with it and the wooden gates of
that lane stood open and all the brewery beyond stood open away to the high
enclosing wall and all was empty and disused The cold wind seemed to blow
colder there than outside the gate and it made a shrill noise in howling in
and out at the open sides of the brewery like the noise of wind in the rigging
of a ship at sea
She saw me looking at it and she said »You could drink without hurt all
the strong beer thats brewed there now boy«
»I should think I could miss« said I in a shy way
»Better not try to brew beer there now or it would turn out sour boy
dont you think so«
»It looks like it miss«
»Not that anybody means to try« she added »for thats all done with and
the place will stand as idle as it is till it falls As to strong beer theres
enough of it in the cellars already to drown the Manor House«
»Is that the name of this house miss«
»One of its names boy«
»It has more than one then miss«
»One more Its other name was Satis which is Greek or Latin or Hebrew or
all three or all one to me for enough«
»Enough House« said I »thats a curious name miss«
»Yes« she replied »but it meant more than it said It meant when it was
given that whoever had this house could want nothing else They must have been
easily satisfied in those days I should think But dont loiter boy«
Though she called me boy so often and with a carelessness that was far from
complimentary she was of about my own age She seemed much older than I of
course being a girl and beautiful and selfpossessed and she was as scornful
of me as if she had been oneandtwenty and a queen
We went into the house by a side door the great front entrance had two
chains across it outside and the first thing I noticed was that the passages
were all dark and that she had left a candle burning there She took it up and
we went through more passages and up a staircase and still it was all dark and
only the candle lighted us
At last we came to the door of a room and she said »Go in«
I answered more in shyness than politeness »After you miss«
To this she returned »Dont be ridiculous boy I am not going in« And
scornfully walked away and what was worse took the candle with her
This was very uncomfortable and I was half afraid However the only thing
to be done being to knock at the door I knocked and was told from within to
enter I entered therefore and found myself in a pretty large room well
lighted with wax candles No glimpse of daylight was to be seen in it It was a
dressingroom as I supposed from the furniture though much of it was of forms
and uses then quite unknown to me But prominent in it was a draped table with a
gilded lookingglass and that I made out at first sight to be a fine ladys
dressingtable
Whether I should have made out this object so soon if there had been no
fine lady sitting at it I cannot say In an armchair with an elbow resting on
the table and her head leaning on that hand sat the strangest lady I have ever
seen or shall ever see
She was dressed in rich materials satins and lace and silks all of
white Her shoes were white And she had a long white veil dependent from her
hair and she had bridal flowers in her hair but her hair was white Some
bright jewels sparkled on her neck and on her hands and some other jewels lay
sparkling on the table Dresses less splendid than the dress she wore and
halfpacked trunks were scattered about She had not quite finished dressing
for she had but one shoe on the other was on the table near her hand her
veil was but half arranged her watch and chain were not put on and some lace
for her bosom lay with those trinkets and with her handkerchief and gloves
and some flowers and a Prayerbook all confusedly heaped about the
lookingglass
It was not in the first few moments that I saw all these things though I
saw more of them in the first moments than might be supposed But I saw that
everything within my view which ought to be white had been white long ago and
had lost its lustre and was faded and yellow I saw that the bride within the
bridal dress had withered like the dress and like the flowers and had no
brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes I saw that the dress had
been put upon the rounded figure of a young woman and that the figure upon
which it now hung loose had shrunk to skin and bone Once I had been taken to
see some ghastly waxwork at the Fair representing I know not what impossible
personage lying in state Once I had been taken to one of our old marsh
churches to see a skeleton in the ashes of a rich dress that had been dug out
of a vault under the church pavement Now waxwork and skeleton seemed to have
dark eyes that moved and looked at me I should have cried out if I could
»Who is it« said the lady at the table
»Pip maam«
»Pip«
»Mr Pumblechooks boy maam Come to play«
»Come nearer let me look at you Come close«
It was when I stood before her avoiding hey eyes that I took note of the
surrounding objects in detail and saw that her watch had stopped at twenty
minutes to nine and that a clock in the room had stopped at twenty minutes to
nine
»Look at me« said Miss Havisham »You are not afraid of a woman who has
never seen the sun since you were born«
I regret to state that I was not afraid of telling the enormous lie
comprehended in the answer »No«
»Do you know what I touch here« she said laying her hands one upon the
other on her left side
»Yes maam« It made me think of the young man
»What do I touch«
»Your heart«
»Broken«
She uttered the word with an eager look and with strong emphasis and with
a weird smile that had a kind of boast in it Afterwards she kept her hands
there for a little while and slowly took them away as if they were heavy
»I am tired« said Miss Havisham »I want diversion and I have done with
men and women Play«
I think it will be conceded by my most disputatious reader that she could
hardly have directed an unfortunate boy to do anything in the wide world more
difficult to be done under the circumstances
»I sometimes have sick fancies« she went on »and I have a sick fancy that
I want to see some play There there« with an impatient movement of the
fingers of her right hand »play play play«
For a moment with the fear of my sisters working me before my eyes I had
a desperate idea of starting round the room in the assumed character of Mr
Pumblechooks chaisecart But I felt myself so unequal to the performance that
I gave it up and stood looking at Miss Havisham in what I suppose she took for
a dogged manner inasmuch as she said when we had taken a good look at each
other
»Are you sullen and obstinate«
»No maam I am very sorry for you and very sorry I cant play just now
If you complain of me I shall get into trouble with my sister so I would do it
if I could but its so new here and so strange and so fine and melancholy
« I stopped fearing I might say too much or had already said it and we took
another look at each other
Before she spoke again she turned her eyes from me and looked at the dress
she wore and at the dressingtable and finally at herself in the looking
»So new to him« she muttered »so old to me so strange to him so familiar
to me so melancholy to both of us Call Estella«
As she was still looking at the reflection of herself I thought she was
still talking to herself and kept quiet
»Call Estella« she repeated flashing a look at me »You can do that Call
Estella At the door«
To stand in the dark in a mysterious passage of an unknown house bawling
Estella to a scornful young lady neither visible nor responsive and feeling it
a dreadful liberty so to roar out her name was almost as bad as playing to
order But she answered at last and her light came along the dark passage like
a star
Miss Havisham beckoned her to come close and took up a jewel from the
table and tried its effect upon her fair young bosom and against her pretty
brown hair »Your own one day my dear and you will use it well Let me see
you play cards with this boy«
»With this boy Why he is a common labouringboy«
I thought I overheard Miss Havisham answer only it seemed so unlikely
»Well You can break his heart«
»What do you play boy« asked Estella of myself with the greatest disdain
»Nothing but beggar my neighbour Miss«
»Beggar him« said Miss Havisham to Estella So we sat down to cards
It was then I began to understand that everything in the room had stopped
like the watch and the clock a long time ago I noticed that Miss Havisham put
down the jewel exactly on the spot from which she had taken it up As Estella
dealt the cards I glanced at the dressingtable again and saw that the shoe
upon it once white now yellow had never been worn I glanced down at the foot
from which the shoe was absent and saw that the silk stocking on it once
white now yellow had been trodden ragged Without this arrest of everything
this standing still of all the pale decayed objects not even the withered
bridal dress on the collapsed form could have looked so like graveclothes or
the long veil so like a shroud
So she sat corpselike as we played at cards the frillings and trimmings
on her bridal dress looking like earthy paper I knew nothing then of the
discoveries that are occasionally made of bodies buried in ancient times which
fall to powder in the moment of being distinctly seen but I have often thought
since that she must have looked as if the admission of the natural light of day
would have struck her to dust
»He calls the knaves Jacks this boy« said Estella with disdain before
our first game was out »And what coarse hands he has And what thick boots«
I had never thought of being ashamed of my hands before but I began to
consider them a very indifferent pair Her contempt for me was so strong that
it became infectious and I caught it
She won the game and I dealt I misdealt as was only natural when I knew
she was lying in wait for me to do wrong and she denounced me for a stupid
clumsy labouringboy
»You say nothing of her« remarked Miss Havisham to me as she looked on
»She says many hard things of you yet you say nothing of her What do you think
of her«
»I dont like to say« I stammered
»Tell me in my ear« said Miss Havisham bending down
»I think she is very proud« I replied in a whisper
»Anything else«
»I think she is very pretty«
»Anything else«
»I think she is very insulting« She was looking at me then with a look of
supreme aversion
»Anything else«
»I think I should like to go home«
»And never see her again though she is so pretty«
»I am not sure that I shouldnt like to see her again but I should like to
go home now«
»You shall go soon« said Miss Havisham aloud »Play the game out«
Saving for the one weird smile at first I should have felt almost sure that
Miss Havishams face could not smile It had dropped into a watchful and
brooding expression most likely when all the things about her had become
transfixed and it looked as if nothing could ever lift it up again Her chest
had dropped so that she stooped and her voice had dropped so that she spoke
low and with a dead lull upon her altogether she had the appearance of having
dropped body and soul within and without under the weight of a crushing blow
I played the game to an end with Estella and she beggared me She threw the
cards down on the table when she had won them all as if she despised them for
having been won of me
»When shall I have you here again« said Miss Havisham »Let me think«
I was beginning to remind her that today was Wednesday when she checked me
with her former impatient movement of the fingers of her right hand
»There there I know nothing of days of the week I know nothing of weeks
of the year Come again after six days You hear«
»Yes maam«
»Estella take him down Let him have something to eat and let him roam and
look about him while he eats Go Pip«
I followed the candle down as I had followed the candle up and she stood
it in the place where we had found it Until she opened the side entrance I had
fancied without thinking about it that it must necessarily be nighttime The
rush of the daylight quite confounded me and made me feel as if I had been in
the candlelight of the strange room many hours
»You are to wait here you boy« said Estella and disappeared and closed
the door
I took the opportunity of being alone in the courtyard to look at my
coarse hands and my common boots My opinion of those accessories was not
favourable They had never troubled me before but they troubled me now as
vulgar appendages I determined to ask Joe why he had ever taught me to call
those picturecards Jacks which ought to be called knaves I wished Joe had
been rather more genteelly brought up and then I should have been so too
She came back with some bread and meat and a little mug of beer She put
the mug down on the stones of the yard and gave me the bread and meat without
looking at me as insolently as if I were a dog in disgrace I was so
humiliated hurt spurned offended angry sorry I cannot hit upon the right
name for the smart God knows what its name was that tears started to my
eyes The moment they sprang there the girl looked at me with a quick delight
in having been the cause of them This gave me power to keep them back and to
look at her so she gave a contemptuous toss but with a sense I thought of
having made too sure that I was so wounded and left me
But when she was gone I looked about me for a place to hide my face in
and got behind one of the gates in the brewerylane and leaned my sleeve
against the wall there and leaned my forehead on it and cried As I cried I
kicked the wall and took a hard twist at my hair so bitter were my feelings
and so sharp was the smart without a name that needed counteraction
My sisters bringing up had made me sensitive In the little world in which
children have their existence whosoever brings them up there is nothing so
finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice It may be only small
injustice that the child can be exposed to but the child is small and its
world is small and its rockinghorse stands as many hands high according to
scale as a bigboned Irish hunter Within myself I had sustained from my
babyhood a perpetual conflict with injustice I had known from the time when I
could speak that my sister in her capricious and violent coercion was unjust
to me I had cherished a profound conviction that her bringing me up by hand
gave her no right to bring me up by jerks Through all my punishments
disgraces fasts and vigils and other penitential performances I had nursed
this assurance and to my communing so much with it in a solitary and
unprotected way I in great part refer the fact that I was morally timid and
very sensitive
I got rid of my injured feelings for the time by kicking them into the
brewerywall and twisting them out of my hair and then I smoothed my face with
my sleeve and came from behind the gate The bread and meat were acceptable
and the beer was warming and tingling and I was soon in spirits to look about
me
To be sure it was a deserted place down to the pigeonhouse in the
breweryyard which had been blown crooked on its pole by some high wind and
would have made the pigeons think themselves at sea if there had been any
pigeons there to be rocked by it But there were no pigeons in the dovecot no
horses in the stable no pigs in the sty no malt in the storehouse no smells
of grains and beer in the copper or the vat All the uses and scents of the
brewery might have evaporated with its last reek of smoke In a byyard there
was a wilderness of empty casks which had a certain sour remembrance of better
days lingering about them but it was too sour to be accepted as a sample of the
beer that was gone and in this respect I remember those recluses as being like
most others
Behind the furthest end of the brewery was a rank garden with an old wall
not so high but that I could struggle up and hold on long enough to look over
it and see that the rank garden was the garden of the house and that it was
overgrown with tangled weeds but that there was a track upon the green and
yellow paths as if some one sometimes walked there and that Estella was
walking away from me even then But she seemed to be everywhere For when I
yielded to the temptation presented by the casks and began to walk on them I
saw her walking on them at the end of the yard of casks She had her back
towards me and held her pretty brown hair spread out in her two hands and
never looked round and passed out of my view directly So in the brewery
itself by which I mean the large paved lofty place in which they used to make
the beer and where the brewing utensils still were When I first went into it
and rather oppressed by its gloom stood near the door looking about me I saw
her pass among the extinguished fires and ascend some light iron stairs and go
out by a gallery high overhead as if she were going out into the sky
It was in this place and at this moment that a strange thing happened to
my fancy I thought it a strange thing then and I thought it a stranger thing
long afterwards I turned my eyes a little dimmed by looking up at the frosty
light towards a great wooden beam in a low nook of the building near me on my
right hand and I saw a figure hanging there by the neck A figure all in yellow
white with but one shoe to the feet and it hung so that I could see that the
faded trimmings of the dress were like earthy paper and that the face was Miss
Havishams with a movement going over the whole countenance as if she were
trying to call to me In the terror of seeing the figure and in the terror of
being certain that it had not been there a moment before I at first ran from
it and then ran towards it And my terror was greatest of all when I found no
figure there
Nothing less than the frosty light of the cheerful sky the sight of people
passing beyond the bars of the courtyard gate and the reviving influence of
the rest of the bread and meat and beer could have brought me round Even with
those aids I might not have come to myself as soon as I did but that I saw
Estella approaching with the keys to let me out She would have some fair
reason for looking down upon me I thought if she saw me frightened and she
should have no fair reason
She gave me a triumphant glance in passing me as if she rejoiced that my
hands were so coarse and my boots were so thick and she opened the gate and
stood holding it I was passing out without looking at her when she touched me
with a taunting hand
»Why dont you cry«
»Because I dont want to«
»You do« said she »You have been crying till you are half blind and you
are near crying again now«
She laughed contemptuously pushed me out and locked the gate upon me I
went straight to Mr Pumblechooks and was immensely relieved to find him not
at home So leaving word with the shopman on what day I was wanted at Miss
Havishams again I set off on the fourmile walk to our forge pondering as I
went along on all I had seen and deeply revolving that I was a common
labouringboy that my hands were coarse that my boots were thick that I had
fallen into a despicable habit of calling knaves Jacks that I was much more
ignorant than I had considered myself last night and generally that I was in a
lowlived bad way
Chapter IX
When I reached home my sister was very curious to know all about Miss
Havishams and asked a number of questions And I soon found myself getting
heavily bumped from behind in the nape of the neck and the small of the back
and having my face ignominiously shoved against the kitchen wall because I did
not answer those questions at sufficient length
If a dread of not being understood be hidden in the breasts of other young
people to anything like the extent to which it used to be hidden in mine which
I consider probable as I have no particular reason to suspect myself of having
been a monstrosity it is the key to many reservations I felt convinced that
if I described Miss Havishams as my eyes had seen it I should not be
understood Not only that but I felt convinced that Miss Havisham too would not
be understood and although she was perfectly incomprehensible to me I
entertained an impression that there would be something coarse and treacherous
in my dragging her as she really was to say nothing of Miss Estella before the
contemplation of Mrs Joe Consequently I said as little as I could and had my
face shoved against the kitchen wall
The worst of it was that that bullying old Pumblechook preyed upon by a
devouring curiosity to be informed of all I had seen and heard came gaping over
in his chaisecart at teatime to have the details divulged to him And the
mere sight of the torment with his fishy eyes and mouth open his sandy hair
inquisitively on end and his waistcoat heaving with windy arithmetic made me
vicious in my reticence
»Well boy« Uncle Pumblechook began as soon as he was seated in the chair
of honour by the fire »How did you get on up town«
I answered »Pretty well sir« and my sister shook her fist at me
»Pretty well« Mr Pumblechook repeated »Pretty well is no answer Tell us
what you mean by pretty well boy«
Whitewash on the forehead hardens the brain into a state of obstinacy
perhaps Anyhow with whitewash from the wall on my forehead my obstinacy was
adamantine I reflected for some time and then answered as if I had discovered
a new idea »I mean pretty well«
My sister with an exclamation of impatience was going to fly at me I had
no shadow of defence for Joe was busy in the forge when Mr Pumblechook
interposed with »No Dont lose your temper Leave this lad to me maam leave
this lad to me« Mr Pumblechook then turned me towards him as if he were going
to cut my hair and said
»First to get our thoughts in order Fortythree pence«
I calculated the consequences of replying »Four Hundred Pound« and finding
them against me went as near the answer as I could which was somewhere about
eightpence off Mr Pumblechook then put me through my pencetable from twelve
pence make one shilling up to forty pence make three and fourpence and then
triumphantly demanded as if he had done for me »Now How much is fortythree
pence« To which I replied after a long interval of reflection »I dont know«
And I was so aggravated that I almost doubt if I did know
Mr Pumblechook worked his head like a screw to screw it out of me and
said »Is fortythree pence seven and sixpence three fardens for instance«
»Yes« said I And although my sister instantly boxed my ears it was highly
gratifying to me to see that the answer spoilt his joke and brought him to a
dead stop
»Boy What like is Miss Havisham« Mr Pumblechook began again when he had
recovered folding his arms tight on his chest and applying the screw
»Very tall and dark« I told him
»Is she uncle« asked my sister
Mr Pumblechook winked assent from which I at once inferred that he had
never seen Miss Havisham for she was nothing of the kind
»Good« said Mr Pumblechook conceitedly This is the way to have him We
are beginning to hold our own I think Mum
»I am sure uncle« returned Mrs Joe »I wish you had him always you know
so well how to deal with him«
»Now boy What was she a doing of when you went in today« asked Mr
Pumblechook
»She was sitting« I answered »in a black velvet coach«
Mr Pumblechook and Mrs Joe stared at one another as they well might
and both repeated »In a black velvet coach«
»Yes« said I »And Miss Estella thats her niece I think handed her in
cake and wine at the coachwindow on a gold plate And we all had cake and wine
on gold plates And I got up behind the coach to eat mine because she told me
to«
»Was anybody else there« asked Mr Pumblechook
»Four dogs« said I
»Large or small«
»Immense« said I »And they fought for vealcutlets out of a silver
basket«
Mr Pumblechook and Mrs Joe stared at one another again in utter
amazement I was perfectly frantic a reckless witness under the torture and
would have told them anything
»Where was this coach in the name of gracious« asked my sister
»In Miss Havishams room« They stared again »But there werent any horses
to it« I added this saving clause in the moment of rejecting four richly
caparisoned coursers which I had had wild thoughts of harnessing
»Can this be possible uncle« asked Mrs Joe »What can the boy mean«
»Ill tell you Mum« said Mr Pumblechook »My opinion is its a
sedanchair Shes flighty you know very flighty quite flighty enough to
pass her days in a sedanchair«
»Did you ever see her in it uncle« asked Mrs Joe
»How could I« he returned forced to the admission »when I never see her
in my life Never clapped eyes upon her«
»Goodness uncle And yet you have spoken to her«
»Why dont you know« said Mr Pumblechook testily »that when I have been
there I have been took up to the outside of her door and the door has stood
ajar and she has spoken to me that way Dont say you dont know that Mum
Howsever the boy went there to play What did you play at boy«
»We played with flags« I said I beg to observe that I think of myself
with amazement when I recall the lies I told on this occasion
»Flags« echoed my sister
»Yes« said I »Estella waved a blue flag and I waved a red one and Miss
Havisham waved one sprinkled all over with little gold stars out at the
coachwindow And then we all waved our swords and hurrahed«
»Swords« repeated my sister »Where did you get swords from«
»Out of a cupboard« said I »And I saw pistols in it and jam and pills
And there was no daylight in the room but it was all lighted up with candles«
»Thats true Mum« said Mr Pumblechook with a grave nod »Thats the
state of the case for that much Ive seen myself« And then they both stared at
me and I with an obtrusive show of artlessness on my countenance stared at
them and plaited the right leg of my trousers with my right hand
If they had asked me any more questions I should undoubtedly have betrayed
myself for I was even then on the point of mentioning that there was a balloon
in the yard and should have hazarded the statement but for my invention being
divided between that phenomenon and a bear in the brewery They were so much
occupied however in discussing the marvels I had already presented for their
consideration that I escaped The subject still held them when Joe came in from
his work to have a cup of tea To whom my sister more for the relief of her own
mind than for the gratification of his related my pretended experiences
Now when I saw Joe open his blue eyes and roll them all round the kitchen
in helpless amazement I was overtaken by penitence but only as regarded him
not in the least as regarded the other two Towards Joe and Joe only I
considered myself a young monster while they sat debating what results would
come to me from Miss Havishams acquaintance and favour They had no doubt that
Miss Havisham would do something for me their doubts related to the form that
something would take My sister stood out for property Mr Pumblechook was in
favour of a handsome premium for binding me apprentice to some genteel trade
say the corn and seed trade for instance Joe fell into the deepest disgrace
with both for offering the bright suggestion that I might only be presented
with one of the dogs who had fought for the vealcutlets »If a fools head
cant express better opinions than that« said my sister »and you have got any
work to do you had better go and do it« So he went
After Mr Pumblechook had driven off and when my sister was washing up I
stole into the forge to Joe and remained by him until he had done for the
night Then I said »Before the fire goes out Joe I should like to tell you
something«
»Should you Pip« said Joe drawing his shoeingstool near the forge »Then
tell us What is it Pip«
»Joe« said I taking hold of his rolledup shirt sleeve and twisting it
between my finger and thumb »you remember all that about Miss Havishams«
»Remember« said Joe »I believe you Wonderful«
»Its a terrible thing Joe it aint true«
»What are you telling of Pip« cried Joe falling back in the greatest
amazement »You dont mean to say its «
»Yes I do its lies Joe«
»But not all of it Why sure you dont mean to say Pip that there was no
black welwet coch« For I stood shaking my head »But at least there was
dogs Pip Come Pip« said Joe persuasively »if there warnt no wealcutlets
at least there was dogs«
»No Joe«
»A dog« said Joe »A puppy Come«
»No Joe there was nothing at all of the kind«
As I fixed my eyes hopelessly on Joe Joe contemplated me in dismay »Pip
old chap This wont do old fellow I say Where do you expect to go to«
»Its terrible Joe aint it«
»Terrible« cried Joe »Awful What possessed you«
»I dont know what possessed me Joe« I replied letting his shirt sleeve
go and sitting down in the ashes at his feet hanging my head »but I wish you
hadnt taught me to call Knaves at cards Jacks and I wish my boots werent so
thick nor my hands so coarse«
And then I told Joe that I felt very miserable and that I hadnt been able
to explain myself to Mrs Joe and Pumblechook who were so rude to me and that
there had been a beautiful young lady at Miss Havishams who was dreadfully
proud and that she had said I was common and that I knew I was common and
that I wished I was not common and that the lies had come of it somehow though
I didnt know how
This was a case of metaphysics at least as difficult for Joe to deal with
as for me But Joe took the case altogether out of the region of metaphysics
and by that means vanquished it
»Theres one thing you may be sure of Pip« said Joe after some
rumination »namely that lies is lies Howsever they come they didnt ought to
come and they come from the father of lies and work round to the same Dont
you tell no more of em Pip That aint the way to get out of being common old
chap And as to being common I dont make it out at all clear You are oncommon
in some things Youre oncommon small Likewise youre a oncommon scholar«
»No I am ignorant and backward Joe«
»Why see what a letter you wrote last night Wrote in print even Ive seen
letters Ah and from gentlefolks that Ill swear werent wrote in print«
said Joe
»I have learnt next to nothing Joe You think much of me Its only that«
»Well Pip« said Joe »be it so or be it sont you must be a common
scholar afore you can be a oncommon one I should hope The king upon his
throne with his crown upon his ed cant sit and write his acts of Parliament
in print without having begun when he were a unpromoted Prince with the
alphabet Ah« added Joe with a shake of the head that was full of meaning
»and begun at A too and worked his way to Z And I know what that is to do
though I cant say Ive exactly done it«
There was some hope in this piece of wisdom and it rather encouraged me
»Whether common ones as to callings and earnings« pursued Joe
reflectively »mightnt be the better of continuing for to keep company with
common ones instead of going out to play with oncommon ones which reminds me
to hope that there were a flag perhaps«
»No Joe«
»Im sorry there werent a flag Pip Whether that might be or mightnt
be is a thing as cant be looked into now without putting your sister on the
Rampage and thats a thing not to be thought of as being done intentional
Lookee here Pip at what is said to you by a true friend Which this to you the
true friend say If you cant get to be oncommon through going straight youll
never get to do it through going crooked So dont tell no more on em Pip and
live well and die happy«
»You are not angry with me Joe«
»No old chap But bearing in mind that them were which I meantersay of a
stunning and outdacious sort alluding to them which bordered on wealcutlets
and dogfighting a sincere wellwisher would adwise Pip their being dropped
into your meditations when you go upstairs to bed Thats all old chap and
dont never do it no more«
When I got up to my little room and said my prayers I did not forget Joes
recommendation and yet my young mind was in that disturbed and unthankful
state that I thought long after I laid me down how common Estella would
consider Joe a mere blacksmith how thick his boots and how coarse his hands
I thought how Joe and my sister were then sitting in the kitchen and how I had
come up to bed from the kitchen and how Miss Havisham and Estella never sat in
a kitchen but were far above the level of such common doings I fell asleep
recalling what I used to do when I was at Miss Havishams as though I had been
there weeks or months instead of hours and as though it were quite an old
subject of remembrance instead of one that had risen only that day
That was a memorable day to me for it made great changes in me But it is
the same with any life Imagine one selected day struck out of it and think how
different its course would have been Pause you who read this and think for a
moment of the long chain of iron or gold of thorns or flowers that would never
have bound you but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day
Chapter X
The felicitous idea occurred to me a morning or two later when I woke that the
best step I could take towards making myself uncommon was to get out of Biddy
everything she knew In pursuance of this luminous conception I mentioned to
Biddy when I went to Mr Wopsles greataunts at night that I had a particular
reason for wishing to get on in life and that I should feel very much obliged
to her if she would impart all her learning to me Biddy who was the most
obliging of girls immediately said she would and indeed began to carry out her
promise within five minutes
The Educational scheme or Course established by Mr Wopsles greataunt may
be resolved into the following synopsis The pupils ate apples and put straws
down one anothers backs until Mr Wopsles greataunt collected her energies
and made an indiscriminate totter at them with a birchrod After receiving the
charge with every mark of derision the pupils formed in line and buzzingly
passed a ragged book from hand to hand The book had an alphabet in it some
figures and tables and a little spelling that is to say it had had once As
soon as this volume began to circulate Mr Wopsles greataunt fell into a
state of coma arising either from sleep or a rheumatic paroxysm The pupils
then entered among themselves upon a competitive examination on the subject of
Boots with the view of ascertaining who could tread the hardest upon whose
toes This mental exercise lasted until Biddy made a rush at them and
distributed three defaced Bibles shaped as if they had been unskilfully cut off
the chumpend of something more illegibly printed at the best than any
curiosities of literature I have since met with speckled all over with
ironmould and having various specimens of the insect world smashed between
their leaves This part of the Course was usually lightened by several single
combats between Biddy and refractory students When the fights were over Biddy
gave out the number of a page and then we all read aloud what we could or
what we couldnt in a frightful chorus Biddy leading with a high shrill
monotonous voice and none of us having the least notion of or reverence for
what we were reading about When this horrible din had lasted a certain time it
mechanically awoke Mr Wopsles greataunt who staggered at a boy fortuitously
and pulled his ears This was understood to terminate the Course for the
evening and we emerged into the air with shrieks of intellectual victory It is
fair to remark that there was no prohibition against any pupils entertaining
himself with a slate or even with the ink when there was any but that it was
not easy to pursue that branch of study in the winter season on account of the
little general shop in which the classes were holden and which was also Mr
Wopsles greataunts sittingroom and bedchamber being but faintly
illuminated through the agency of one lowspirited dipcandle and no snuffers
It appeared to me that it would take time to become uncommon under these
circumstances nevertheless I resolved to try it and that very evening Biddy
entered on our special agreement by imparting some information from her little
catalogue of Prices under the head of moist sugar and lending me to copy at
home a large old English D which she had imitated from the heading of some
newspaper and which I supposed until she told me what it was to be a design
for a buckle
Of course there was a publichouse in the village and of course Joe liked
sometimes to smoke his pipe there I had received strict orders from my sister
to call for him at the Three Jolly Bargemen that evening on my way from
school and bring him home at my peril To the Three Jolly Bargemen therefore
I directed my steps
There was a bar at the Jolly Bargemen with some alarmingly long chalk
scores in it on the wall at the side of the door which seemed to me to be never
paid off They had been there ever since I could remember and had grown more
than I had But there was a quantity of chalk about our country and perhaps the
people neglected no opportunity of turning it to account
It being Saturday night I found the landlord looking rather grimly at these
records but as my business was with Joe and not with him I merely wished him
good evening and passed into the common room at the end of the passage where
there was a bright large kitchen fire and where Joe was smoking his pipe in
company with Mr Wopsle and a stranger Joe greeted me as usual with »Halloa
Pip old chap« and the moment he said that the stranger turned his head and
looked at me
He was a secretlooking man whom I had never seen before His head was all
on one side and one of his eyes was half shut up as if he were taking aim at
something with an invisible gun He had a pipe in his mouth and he took it out
and after slowly blowing all his smoke away and looking hard at me all the
time nodded So I nodded and then he nodded again and made room on the
settle beside him that I might sit down there
But as I was used to sit beside Joe whenever I entered that place of
resort I said »No thank you sir« and fell into the space Joe made for me on
the opposite settle The strange man after glancing at Joe and seeing that his
attention was otherwise engaged nodded to me again when I had taken my seat
and then rubbed his leg in a very odd way as it struck me
»You was saying« said the strange man turning to Joe »that you was a
blacksmith«
»Yes I said it you know« said Joe
»Whatll you drink Mr You didnt mention your name bythebye«
Joe mentioned it now and the strange man called him by it
»Whatll you drink Mr Gargery At my expense To top up with«
»Well« said Joe »to tell you the truth I aint much in the habit of
drinking at anybodys expense but my own«
»Habit No« returned the stranger »but once and away and on a Saturday
night too Come Put a name to it Mr Gargery«
»I wouldnt wish to be stiff company« said Joe »Rum«
»Rum« repeated the stranger »And will the other gentleman originate a
sentiment«
»Rum« said Mr Wopsle
»Three Rums« cried the stranger calling to the landlord »Glasses round«
»This other gentleman« observed Joe by way of introducing Mr Wopsle »is
a gentleman that you would like to hear give it out Our clerk at church«
»Aha« said the stranger quickly and cocking his eye at me »The lonely
church right out on the marshes with the graves round it«
»Thats it« said Joe
The stranger with a comfortable kind of grunt over his pipe put his legs
up on the settle that he had to himself He wore a flapping broadbrimmed
travellers hat and under it a handkerchief tied over his head in the manner of
a cap so that he showed no hair As he looked at the fire I thought I saw a
cunning expression followed by a halflaugh come into his face
»I am not acquainted with this country gentlemen but it seems a solitary
country towards the river«
»Most marshes is solitary« said Joe
»No doubt no doubt Do you find any gipsies now or tramps or vagrants of
any sort out there«
»No« said Joe »none but a runaway convict now and then And we dont find
them easy Eh Mr Wopsle«
Mr Wopsle with a majestic remembrance of old discomfiture assented but
not warmly
»Seems you have been out after such« asked the stranger
»Once« returned Joe »Not that we wanted to take them you understand we
went out as lookers on me and Mr Wopsle and Pip Didnt us Pip«
»Yes Joe«
The stranger looked at me again still cocking his eye as if he were
expressly taking aim at me with his invisible gun and said »Hes a likely
young parcel of bones that What is it you call him«
»Pip« said Joe
»Christened Pip«
»No not christened Pip«
»Surname Pip«
»No« said Joe »its a kind of a family name what he gave himself when a
infant and is called by«
»Son of yours«
»Well« said Joe meditatively not of course that it could be in anywise
necessary to consider about it but because it was the way at the Jolly Bargemen
to seem to consider deeply about everything that was discussed over pipes »well
no No he aint«
»Nevvy« said the strange man
»Well« said Joe with the same appearance of profound cogitation »he is
not no not to deceive you he is not my nevvy«
»What the Blue Blazes is he« asked the stranger Which appeared to me to be
an inquiry of unnecessary strength
Mr Wopsle struck in upon that as one who knew all about relationships
having professional occasion to bear in mind what female relations a man might
not marry and expounded the ties between me and Joe Having his hand in Mr
Wopsle finished off with a most terrifically snarling passage from Richard the
Third and seemed to think he had done quite enough to account for it when he
added »as the poet says«
And here I may remark that when Mr Wopsle referred to me he considered it
a necessary part of such reference to rumple my hair and poke it into my eyes I
cannot conceive why everybody of his standing who visited at our house should
always have put me through the same inflammatory process under similar
circumstances Yet I do not call to mind that I was ever in my earlier youth the
subject of remark in our social family circle but some largehanded person took
some such ophthalmic step to patronise me
All this while the strange man looked at nobody but me and looked at me as
if he were determined to have a shot at me at last and bring me down But he
said nothing after offering his Blue Blazes observation until the glasses of
rumandwater were brought and then he made his shot and a most extraordinary
shot it was
It was not a verbal remark but a proceeding in dumb show and was pointedly
addressed to me He stirred his rumandwater pointedly at me and he tasted his
rumandwater pointedly at me And he stirred it and he tasted it not with a
spoon that was brought to him but with a file
He did this so that nobody but I saw the file and when he had done it he
wiped the file and put it in a breastpocket I knew it to be Joes file and I
knew that he knew my convict the moment I saw the instrument I sat gazing at
him spellbound But he now reclined on his settle taking very little notice
of me and talking principally about turnips
There was a delicious sense of cleaningup and making a quiet pause before
going on in life afresh in our village on Saturday nights which stimulated Joe
to dare to stay out half an hour longer on Saturdays than at other times The
half hour and the rumandwater running out together Joe got up to go and took
me by the hand
»Stop half a moment Mr Gargery« said the strange man »I think Ive got a
bright new shilling somewhere in my pocket and if I have the boy shall have
it«
He looked it out from a handful of small change folded it in some crumpled
paper and gave it to me »Yours« said he »Mind Your own«
I thanked him staring at him far beyond the bounds of good manners and
holding tight to Joe He gave Joe goodnight and he gave Mr Wopsle goodnight
who went out with us and he gave me only a look with his aiming eye no not
a look for he shut it up but wonders may be done with an eye by hiding it
On the way home if I had been in a humour for talking the talk must have
been all on my side for Mr Wopsle parted from us at the door of the Jolly
Bargemen and Joe went all the way home with his mouth wide open to rinse the
rum out with as much air as possible But I was in a manner stupefied by this
turning up of my old misdeed and old acquaintance and could think of nothing
else
My sister was not in a very bad temper when we presented ourselves in the
kitchen and Joe was encouraged by that unusual circumstance to tell her about
the bright shilling »A bad un Ill be bound« said Mrs Joe triumphantly »or
he wouldnt have given it to the boy Lets look at it«
I took it out of the paper and it proved to be a good one »But whats
this« said Mrs Joe throwing down the shilling and catching up the paper »Two
OnePound notes«
Nothing less than two fat sweltering onepound notes that seemed to have
been on terms of the warmest intimacy with all the cattle markets in the county
Joe caught up his hat again and ran with them to the Jolly Bargemen to restore
them to their owner While he was gone I sat down on my usual stool and looked
vacantly at my sister feeling pretty sure that the man would not be there
Presently Joe came back saying that the man was gone but that he Joe
had left word at the Three Jolly Bargemen concerning the notes Then my sister
sealed them up in a piece of paper and put them under some dried roseleaves in
an ornamental teapot on the top of a press in the state parlour There they
remained a nightmare to me many and many a night and day
I had sadly broken sleep when I got to bed through thinking of the strange
man taking aim at me with his invisible gun and of the guiltily coarse and
common thing it was to be on secret terms of conspiracy with convicts a
feature in my low career that I had previously forgotten I was haunted by the
file too A dread possessed me that when I least expected it the file would
reappear I coaxed myself to sleep by thinking of Miss Havishams next
Wednesday and in my sleep I saw the file coming at me out of a door without
seeing who held it and I screamed myself awake
Chapter XI
At the appointed time I returned to Miss Havishams and my hesitating ring at
the gate brought out Estella She locked it after admitting me as she had done
before and again preceded me into the dark passage where her candle stood She
took no notice of me until she had the candle in her hand when she looked over
her shoulder superciliously saying »You are to come this way today« and took
me to quite another part of the house
The passage was a long one and seemed to pervade the whole square basement
of the Manor House We traversed but one side of the square however and at the
end of it she stopped and put her candle down and opened a door Here the
daylight reappeared and I found myself in a small paved courtyard the
opposite side of which was formed by a detached dwellinghouse that looked as
if it had once belonged to the manager or head clerk of the extinct brewery
There was a clock in the outer wall of this house Like the clock in Miss
Havishams room and like Miss Havishams watch it had stopped at twenty
minutes to nine
We went in at the door which stood open and into a gloomy room with a low
ceiling on the ground floor at the back There was some company in the room
and Estella said to me as she joined it »You are to go and stand there boy
till you are wanted« There being the window I crossed to it and stood there
in a very uncomfortable state of mind looking out
It opened to the ground and looked into a most miserable corner of the
neglected garden upon a rank ruin of cabbagestalks and one boxtree that had
been clipped round long ago like a pudding and had a new growth at the top of
it out of shape and of a different colour as if that part of the pudding had
stuck to the saucepan and got burnt This was my homely thought as I
contemplated the boxtree There had been some light snow overnight and it lay
nowhere else to my knowledge but it had not quite melted from the cold shadow
of this bit of garden and the wind caught it up in little eddies and threw it
at the window as if it pelted me for coming there
I divined that my coming had stopped conversation in the room and that its
other occupants were looking at me I could see nothing of the room except the
shining of the fire in the window glass but I stiffened in all my joints with
the consciousness that I was under close inspection
There were three ladies in the room and one gentleman Before I had been
standing at the window five minutes they somehow conveyed to me that they were
all toadies and humbugs but that each of them pretended not to know that the
others were toadies and humbugs because the admission that he or she did know
it would have made him or her out to be a toady and humbug
They all had a listless and dreary air of waiting somebodys pleasure and
the most talkative of the ladies had to speak quite rigidly to suppress a yawn
This lady whose name was Camilla very much reminded me of my sister with the
difference that she was older and as I found when I caught sight of her of a
blunter cast of features Indeed when I knew her better I began to think it was
a Mercy she had any features at all so very blank and high was the dead wall of
her face
»Poor dear soul« said this lady with an abruptness of manner quite my
sisters »Nobodys enemy but his own«
»It would be much more commendable to be somebody elses enemy« said the
gentleman »far more natural«
»Cousin Raymond« observed another lady »we are to love our neighbour«
»Sarah Pocket« returned Cousin Raymond »if a man is not his own neighbour
who is«
Miss Pocket laughed and Camilla laughed and said checking a yawn »The
idea« But I thought they seemed to think it rather a good idea too The other
lady who had not spoken yet said gravely and emphatically »Very true«
»Poor soul« Camilla presently went on I knew they had all been looking at
me in the mean time »he is so very strange Would any one believe that when
Toms wife died he actually could not be induced to see the importance of the
childrens having the deepest of trimmings to their mourning Good Lord says
he Camilla what can it signify so long as the poor bereaved little things are
in black So like Matthew The idea«
»Good points in him good points in him« said Cousin Raymond »Heaven
forbid I should deny good points in him but he never had and he never will
have any sense of the proprieties«
»You know I was obliged« said Camilla »I was obliged to be firm I said
It WILL NOT DO for the credit of the family I told him that without deep
trimmings the family was disgraced I cried about it from breakfast till
dinner I injured my digestion And at last he flung out in his violent way and
said with a D Then do as you like Thank Goodness it will always be a
consolation to me to know that I instantly went out in a pouring rain and bought
the things«
»He paid for them did he not« asked Estella
»Its not the question my dear child who paid for them« returned Camilla
»I bought them And I shall often think of that with peace when I wake up in
the night«
The ringing of a distant bell combined with the echoing of some cry or call
along the passage by which I had come interrupted the conversation and caused
Estella to say to me »Now boy« On my turning round they all looked at me
with the utmost contempt and as I went out I heard Sarah Pocket say »Well I
am sure What next« and Camilla add with indignation »Was there ever such a
fancy The idea«
As we were going with our candle along the dark passage Estella stopped all
of a sudden and facing round said in her taunting manner with her face quite
close to mine
»Well«
»Well miss« I answered almost falling over her and checking myself
She stood looking at me and of course I stood looking at her
»Am I pretty«
»Yes I think you are very pretty«
»Am I insulting«
»Not so much so as you were last time« said I
»Not so much so«
»No«
She fired when she asked the last question and she slapped my face with
such force as she had when I answered it
»Now« said she »You little coarse monster what do you think of me now«
»I shall not tell you«
»Because you are going to tell upstairs Is that it«
»No« said I »thats not it«
»Why dont you cry again you little wretch«
»Because Ill never cry for you again« said I Which was I suppose as
false a declaration as ever was made for I was inwardly crying for her then
and I know what I know of the pain she cost me afterwards
We went on our way upstairs after this episode and as we were going up
we met a gentleman groping his way down
»Whom have we here« asked the gentleman stopping and looking at me
»A boy« said Estella
He was a burly man of an exceedingly dark complexion with an exceedingly
large head and a corresponding large hand He took my chin in his large hand and
turned up my face to have a look at me by the light of the candle He was
prematurely bald on the top of his head and had bushy black eyebrows that
wouldnt lie down but stood up bristling His eyes were set very deep in his
head and were disagreeably sharp and suspicious He had a large watchchain
and strong black dots where his beard and whiskers would have been if he had let
them He was nothing to me and I could have had no foresight then that he ever
would be anything to me but it happened that I had this opportunity of
observing him well
»Boy of the neighbourhood Hey« said he
»Yes sir« said I
»How do you come here«
»Miss Havisham sent for me sir« I explained
»Well Behave yourself I have a pretty large experience of boys and youre
a bad set of fellows Now mind« said he biting the side of his great
forefinger as he frowned at me »you behave yourself«
With these words he released me which I was glad of for his hand smelt of
scented soap and went his way downstairs I wondered whether he could be a
doctor but no I thought he couldnt be a doctor or he would have a quieter
and more persuasive manner There was not much time to consider the subject for
we were soon in Miss Havishams room where she and everything else were just as
I had left them Estella left me standing near the door and I stood there until
Miss Havisham cast her eyes upon me from the dressingtable
»So« she said without being startled or surprised »the days have worn
away have they«
»Yes maam Today is «
»There there there« with the impatient movement of her fingers »I dont
want to know Are you ready to play«
I was obliged to answer in some confusion »I dont think I am maam«
»Not at cards again« she demanded with a searching look
»Yes maam I could do that if I was wanted«
»Since this house strikes you old and grave boy« said Miss Havisham
impatiently »and you are unwilling to play are you willing to work«
I could answer this inquiry with a better heart than I had been able to find
for the other question and I said I was quite willing
»Then go into that opposite room« said she pointing at the door behind me
with her withered hand »and wait there till I come«
I crossed the staircase landing and entered the room she indicated From
that room too the daylight was completely excluded and it had an airless
smell that was oppressive A fire had been lately kindled in the damp
oldfashioned grate and it was more disposed to go out than to burn up and the
reluctant smoke which hung in the room seemed colder than the clearer air like
our own marsh mist Certain wintry branches of candles on the high chimneypiece
faintly lighted the chamber or it would be more expressive to say faintly
troubled its darkness It was spacious and I dare say had once been handsome
but every discernible thing in it was covered with dust and mould and dropping
to pieces The most prominent object was a long table with a tablecloth spread
on it as if a feast had been in preparation when the house and the clocks all
stopped together An épergne or centrepiece of some kind was in the middle of
this cloth it was so heavily overhung with cobwebs that its form was quite
undistinguishable and as I looked along the yellow expanse out of which I
remember its seeming to grow like a black fungus I saw speckledlegged spiders
with blotchy bodies running home to it and running out from it as if some
circumstance of the greatest public importance had just transpired in the spider
community
I heard the mice too rattling behind the panels as if the same occurrence
were important to their interests But the blackbeetles took no notice of the
agitation and groped about the hearth in a ponderous elderly way as if they
were shortsighted and hard of hearing and not on terms with one another
These crawling things had fascinated my attention and I was watching them
from a distance when Miss Havisham laid a hand upon my shoulder In her other
hand she had a crutchheaded stick on which she leaned and she looked like the
Witch of the place
»This« said she pointing to the long table with her stick »is where I
will be laid when I am dead They shall come and look at me here«
With some vague misgiving that she might get upon the table then and there
and die at once the complete realisation of the ghastly waxwork at the Fair I
shrank under her touch
»What do you think that is« she asked me again pointing with her stick
»that where those cobwebs are«
»I cant guess what it is maam«
»Its a great cake A bridecake Mine«
She looked all round the room in a glaring manner and then said leaning on
me while her hand twitched my shoulder »Come come come Walk me walk me«
I made out from this that the work I had to do was to walk Miss Havisham
round and round the room Accordingly I started at once and she leaned upon my
shoulder and we went away at a pace that might have been an imitation founded
on my first impulse under that roof of Mr Pumblechooks chaisecart
She was not physically strong and after a little time said »Slower«
Still we went at an impatient fitful speed and as we went she twitched the
hand upon my shoulder and worked her mouth and led me to believe that we were
going fast because her thoughts went fast After a while she said »Call
Estella« so I went out on the landing and roared that name as I had done on the
previous occasion When her light appeared I returned to Miss Havisham and we
started away again round and round the room
If only Estella had come to be a spectator of our proceedings I should have
felt sufficiently discontented but as she brought with her the three ladies
and the gentleman whom I had seen below I didnt know what to do In my
politeness I would have stopped but Miss Havisham twitched my shoulder and we
posted on with a shamefaced consciousness on my part that they would think it
was all my doing
»Dear Miss Havisham« said Miss Sarah Pocket »How well you look«
»I do not« returned Miss Havisham »I am yellow skin and bone«
Camilla brightened when Miss Pocket met with this rebuff and she murmured
as she plaintively contemplated Miss Havisham »Poor dear soul Certainly not to
be expected to look well poor thing The idea«
»And how are you« said Miss Havisham to Camilla As we were close to
Camilla then I would have stopped as a matter of course only Miss Havisham
wouldnt stop We swept on and I felt that I was highly obnoxious to Camilla
»Thank you Miss Havisham« she returned »I am as well as can be expected«
»Why whats the matter with you« asked Miss Havisham with exceeding
sharpness
»Nothing worth mentioning« replied Camilla »I dont wish to make a display
of my feelings but I have habitually thought of you more in the night than I am
quite equal to«
»Then dont think of me« retorted Miss Havisham
»Very easily said« remarked Camilla amiably repressing a sob while a
hitch came into her upper lip and her tears overflowed »Raymond is a witness
what ginger and sal volatile I am obliged to take in the night Raymond is a
witness what nervous jerkings I have in my legs Chokings and nervous jerkings
however are nothing new to me when I think with anxiety of those I love If I
could be less affectionate and sensitive I should have a better digestion and
an iron set of nerves I am sure I wish if could be so But as to not thinking
of you in the night the idea« Here a burst of tears
The Raymond referred to I understood to be the gentleman present and him I
understood to be Mr Camilla He came to the rescue at this point and said in a
consolatory and complimentary voice »Camilla my dear it is well known that
your family feelings are gradually undermining you to the extent of making one
of your legs shorter than the other«
»I am not aware« observed the grave lady whose voice I had heard but once
»that to think of any person is to make a great claim upon that person my
dear«
Miss Sarah Pocket whom I now saw to be a little dry brown corrugated old
woman with a small face that might have been made of walnut shells and a large
mouth like a cats without the whiskers supported this position by saying »No
indeed my dear Hem«
»Thinking is easy enough« said the grave lady
»What is easier you know« assented Miss Sarah Pocket
»Oh yes yes« cried Camilla whose fermenting feelings appeared to rise
from her legs to her bosom »Its all very true Its a weakness to be so
affectionate but I cant help it No doubt my health would be much better if it
was otherwise still I wouldnt change my disposition if I could Its the cause
of much suffering but its a consolation to know I possess it when I wake up
in the night« Here another burst of feeling
Miss Havisham and I had never stopped all this time but kept going round
and round the room now brushing against the skirts of the visitors now
giving them the whole length of the dismal chambers
»Theres Matthew« said Camilla »Never mixing with any natural ties never
coming here to see how Miss Havisham is I have taken to the sofa with my
staylace cut and have lain there hours insensible with my head over the
side and my hair all down and my feet I dont know where «
Much higher than your head my love said Mr Camilla
»I have gone off into that state hours and hours on account of Matthews
strange and inexplicable conduct and nobody has thanked me«
»Really I must say I should think not« interposed the grave lady
»You see my dear« added Miss Sarah Pocket a blandly vicious personage
»the question to put to yourself is who did you expect to thank you my love«
»Without expecting any thanks or anything of the sort« resumed Camilla »I
have remained in that state hours and hours and Raymond is a witness of the
extent to which I have choked and what the total inefficacy of ginger has been
and I have been heard at the pianofortetuners across the street where the
poor mistaken children have even supposed it to be pigeons cooing at a distance
and now to be told « Here Camilla put her hand to her throat and began to be
quite chemical as to the formation of new combinations there
When this same Matthew was mentioned Miss Havisham stopped me and herself
and stood looking at the speaker This change had a great influence in bringing
Camillas chemistry to a sudden end
»Matthew will come and see me at last« said Miss Havisham sternly »when I
am laid on that table That will be his place there« striking the table with
her stick »at my head And yours will be there And your husbands there And
Sarah Pockets there And Georgianas there Now you all know where to take your
stations when you come to feast upon me And now go«
At the mention of each name she had struck the table with her stick in a
new place She now said »Walk me walk me« and we went on again
»I suppose theres nothing to be done« exclaimed Camilla »but comply and
depart Its something to have seen the object of ones love and duty even for
so short a time I shall think of it with a melancholy satisfaction when I wake
up in the night I wish Matthew could have that comfort but he sets it at
defiance I am determined not to make a display of my feelings hut its very
hard to be told one wants to feast on ones relations as if one was a Giant
and to be told to go The bare idea«
Mr Camilla interposing as Mrs Camilla laid her hand upon her heaving
bosom that lady assumed an unnatural fortitude of manner which I supposed to be
expressive of an intention to drop and choke when out of view and kissing her
hand to Miss Havisham was escorted forth Sarah Pocket and Georgiana contended
who should remain last but Sarah was too knowing to be outdone and ambled
round Georgiana with that artful slipperiness that the latter was obliged to
take precedence Sarah Pocket then made her separate effect of departing with
»Bless you Miss Havisham dear« and with a smile of forgiving pity on her
walnutshell countenance for the weaknesses of the rest
While Estella was away lighting them down Miss Havisham still walked with
her hand on my shoulder but more and more slowly At last she stopped before
the fire and said after muttering and looking at it some seconds
»This is my birthday Pip«
I was going to wish her many happy returns when she lifted her stick
»I dont suffer it to be spoken of I dont suffer those who were here just
now or any one to speak of it They come here on the day but they dare not
refer to it«
Of course I made no further effort to refer to it
»On this day of the year long before you were born this heap of decay«
stabbing with her crutched stick at the pile of cobwebs on the table but not
touching it »was brought here It and I have worn away together The mice have
gnawed at it and sharper teeth than teeth of mice have gnawed at me«
She held the head of her stick against her heart as she stood looking at the
table she in her once white dress all yellow and withered the once white
cloth all yellow and withered everything around in a state to crumble under a
touch
»When the ruin is complete« said she with a ghastly look »and when they
lay me dead in my brides dress on the brides table which shall be done and
which will be the finished curse upon him so much the better if it is done on
this day«
She stood looking at the table as if she stood looking at her own figure
lying there I remained quiet Estella returned and she too remained quiet It
seemed to me that we continued thus a long time In the heavy air of the room
and the heavy darkness that brooded in its remoter corners I even had an
alarming fancy that Estella and I might presently begin to decay
At length not coming out of her distraught state by degrees but in an
instant Miss Havisham said »Let me see you two play at cards why have you not
begun« With that we returned to her room and sat down as before I was
beggared as before and again as before Miss Havisham watched us all the
time directed my attention to Estellas beauty and made me notice it the more
by trying her jewels on Estellas breast and hair
Estella for her part likewise treated me as before except that she did
not condescend to speak When we had played some halfdozen games a day was
appointed for my return and I was taken down into the yard to be fed in the
former doglike manner There too I was again left to wander about as I liked
It is not much to the purpose whether a gate in that garden wall which I had
scrambled up to peep over on the last occasion was on that last occasion open
or shut Enough that I saw no gate then and that I saw one now As it stood
open and as I knew that Estella had let the visitors out for she had returned
with the keys in her hand I strolled into the garden and strolled all over
it It was quite a wilderness and there were old melonframes and
cucumberframes in it which seemed in their decline to have produced a
spontaneous growth of weak attempts at pieces of old hats and boots with now
and then a weedy offshoot into the likeness of a battered saucepan
When I had exhausted the garden and a greenhouse with nothing in it but a
fallendown grapevine and some bottles I found myself in the dismal corner
upon which I had looked out of window Never questioning for a moment that the
house was now empty I looked in at another window and found myself to my
great surprise exchanging a broad stare with a pale young gentleman with red
eyelids and light hair
This pale young gentleman quickly disappeared and reappeared beside me He
had been at his books when I had found myself staring at him and I now saw that
he was inky
»Halloa« said he »young fellow«
Halloa being a general observation which I had usually observed to be best
answered by itself I said »Halloa« politely omitting young fellow
»Who let you in« said he
»Miss Estella«
»Who gave you leave to prowl about«
»Miss Estella«
»Come and fight« said the pale young gentleman
What could I do but follow him I have often asked myself the question
since but what else could I do His manner was so final and I was so
astonished that I followed where he led as if I had been under a spell
»Stop a minute though« he said wheeling round before we had gone many
paces »I ought to give you a reason for fighting too There it is« In a most
irritating manner he instantly slapped his hands against one another daintily
flung one of his legs up behind him pulled my hair slapped his hands again
dipped his head and butted it into my stomach
The bulllike proceeding last mentioned besides that it was unquestionably
to be regarded in the light of a liberty was particularly disagreeable just
after bread and meat I therefore hit out at him and was going to hit out
again when he said »Aha Would you« and began dancing backwards and forwards
in a manner quite unparalleled within my limited experience
»Laws of the game« said he Here he skipped from his left leg on to his
right »Regular rules« Here he skipped from his right leg on to his left
»Come to the ground and go through the preliminaries« Here he dodged
backwards and forwards and did all sorts of things while I looked helplessly at
him
I was secretly afraid of him when I saw him so dexterous but I felt
morally and physically convinced that his light head of hair could have had no
business in the pit of my stomach and that I had a right to consider it
irrelevant when so obtruded on my attention Therefore I followed him without a
word to a retired nook of the garden formed by the junction of two walls and
screened by some rubbish On his asking me if I was satisfied with the ground
and on my replying Yes he begged my leave to absent himself for a moment and
quickly returned with a bottle of water and a sponge dipped in vinegar
»Available for both« he said placing these against the wall And then fell to
pulling off not only his jacket and waistcoat but his shirt too in a manner
at once lighthearted businesslike and bloodthirsty
Although he did not look very healthy having pimples on his face and a
breaking out on his mouth these dreadful preparations quite appalled me I
judged him to be about my own age but he was much taller and he had a way of
spinning himself about that was full of appearance For the rest he was a young
gentleman in a grey suit when not denuded for battle with his elbows knees
wrists and heels considerably in advance of the rest of him as to development
My heart failed me when I saw him squaring at me with every demonstration of
mechanical nicety and eyeing my anatomy as if he were minutely choosing his
bone I never have been so surprised in my life as I was when I let out the
first blow and saw him lying on his back looking up at me with a bloody nose
and his face exceedingly foreshortened
But he was on his feet directly and after sponging himself with a great
show of dexterity began squaring again The second greatest surprise I have ever
had in my life was seeing him on his back again looking up at me out of a black
eye
His spirit inspired me with great respect He seemed to have no strength
and he never once hit me hard and he was always knocked down but he would be
up again in a moment sponging himself or drinking out of the waterbottle with
the greatest satisfaction in seconding himself according to form and then came
at me with an air and a show that made me believe he really was going to do for
me at last He got heavily bruised for I am sorry to record that the more I hit
him the harder I hit him but he came up again and again and again until at
last he got a bad fall with the back of his head against the wall Even after
that crisis in our affairs he got up and turned round and round confusedly a
few times not knowing where I was but finally went on his knees to his sponge
and threw it up at the same time panting out »That means you have won«
He seemed so brave and innocent that although I had not proposed the
contest I felt but a gloomy satisfaction in my victory Indeed I go so far as
to hope that I regarded myself while dressing as a species of savage young
wolf or other wild beast However I got dressed darkly wiping my sanguinary
face at intervals and I said »Can I help you« and he said »No thankee« and
I said »Good afternoon« and he said »Same to you«
When I got into the courtyard I found Estella waiting with the keys But
she neither asked me where I had been nor why I had kept her waiting and there
was a bright flush upon her face as though something had happened to delight
her Instead of going straight to the gate too she stepped back into the
passage and beckoned me
»Come here You may kiss me if you like«
I kissed her cheek as she turned it to me I think I would have gone through
a great deal to kiss her cheek But I felt that the kiss was given to the
coarse common boy as a piece of money might have been and that it was worth
nothing
What with the birthday visitors and what with the cards and what with the
fight my stay had lasted so long that when I neared home the light on the spit
of sand off the point on the marshes was gleaming against a black nightsky and
Joes furnace was flinging a path of fire across the road
Chapter XII
My mind grew very uneasy on the subject of the pale young gentleman The more I
thought of the fight and recalled the pale young gentleman on his back in
various stages of puffy and incrimsoned countenance the more certain it
appeared that something would be done to me I felt that the pale young
gentlemans blood was on my head and that the Law would avenge it Without
having any definite idea of the penalties I had incurred it was clear to me
that village boys could not go stalking about the country ravaging the houses
of gentlefolks and pitching into the studious youth of England without laying
themselves open to severe punishment For some days I even kept close at home
and looked out at the kitchen door with the greatest caution and trepidation
before going on an errand lest the officers of the County Jail should pounce
upon me The pale young gentlemans nose had stained my trousers and I tried to
wash out that evidence of my guilt in the dead of night I had cut my knuckles
against the pale young gentlemans teeth and I twisted my imagination into a
thousand tangles as I devised incredible ways of accounting for that damnatory
circumstance when I should be haled before the Judges
When the day came round for my return to the scene of the deed of violence
my terrors reached their height Whether myrmidons of Justice specially sent
down from London would be lying in ambush behind the gate Whether Miss
Havisham preferring to take personal vengeance for an outrage done to her
house might rise in those graveclothes of hers draw a pistol and shoot me
dead Whether suborned boys a numerous band of mercenaries might be engaged
to fall upon me in the brewery and cuff me until I was no more It was high
testimony to my confidence in the spirit of the pale young gentleman that I
never imagined him accessory to these retaliations they always came into my
mind as the acts of injudicious relatives of his goaded on by the state of his
visage and an indignant sympathy with the family features
However go to Miss Havishams I must and go I did And behold nothing
came of the late struggle It was not alluded to in any way and no pale young
gentleman was to be discovered on the premises I found the same gate open and
I explored the garden and even looked in at the windows of the detached house
but my view was suddenly stopped by the closed shutters within and all was
lifeless Only in the corner where the combat had taken place could I detect
any evidence of the young gentlemans existence There were traces of his gore
in that spot and I covered them with gardenmould from the eye of man
On the broad landing between Miss Havishams own room and that other room in
which the long table was laid out I saw a gardenchair a light chair on
wheels that you pushed from behind It had been placed there since my last
visit and I entered that same day on a regular occupation of pushing Miss
Havisham in this chair when she was tired of walking with her hand upon my
shoulder round her own room and across the landing and round the other room
Over and over and over again we would make these journeys and sometimes they
would last as long as three hours at a stretch I insensibly fall into a general
mention of these journeys as numerous because it was at once settled that I
should return every alternate day at noon for these purposes and because I am
now going to sum up a period of at least eight or ten months
As we began to be more used to one another Miss Havisham talked more to me
and asked me such questions as what had I learnt and what was I going to be I
told her I was going to be apprenticed to Joe I believed and I enlarged upon
my knowing nothing and wanting to know everything in the hope that she might
offer some help towards that desirable end But she did not on the contrary
she seemed to prefer my being ignorant Neither did she ever give me any money
or anything but my daily dinner nor even stipulate that I should be paid for
my services
Estella was always about and always let me in and out but never told me I
might kiss her again Sometimes she would coldly tolerate me sometimes she
would condescend to me sometimes she would be quite familiar with me
sometimes she would tell me energetically that she hated me Miss Havisham
would often ask me in a whisper or when we were alone »Does she grow prettier
and prettier Pip« And when I said Yes for indeed she did would seem to
enjoy it greedily Also when we played at cards Miss Havisham would look on
with a miserly relish of Estellas moods whatever they were And sometimes
when her moods were so many and so contradictory of one another that I was
puzzled what to say or do Miss Havisham would embrace her with lavish fondness
murmuring something in her ear that sounded like »Break their hearts my pride
and hope break their hearts and have no mercy«
There was a song Joe used to hum fragments of at the forge of which the
burden was Old Clem This was not a very ceremonious way of rendering homage to
a patron saint but I believe Old Clem stood in that relation towards smiths It
was a song that imitated the measure of beating upon iron and was a mere
lyrical excuse for the introduction of Old Clems respected name Thus you were
to hammer boys round Old Clem With a thump and a sound Old Clem Beat it
out beat it out Old Clem With a clink for the stout Old Clem Blow the
fire blow the fire Old Clem Roaring dryer soaring higher Old Clem One
day soon after the appearance of the chair Miss Havisham suddenly saying to me
with the impatient movement of her fingers »There there there Sing« I was
surprised into crooning this ditty as I pushed her over the floor It happened
so to catch her fancy that she took it up in a low brooding voice as if she were
singing in her sleep After that it became customary with us to have it as we
moved about and Estella would often join in though the whole strain was so
subdued even when there were three of us that it made less noise in the grim
old house than the lightest breath of wind
What could I become with these surroundings How could my character fail to
be influenced by them Is it to be wondered at if my thoughts were dazed as my
eyes were when I came out into the natural light from the misty yellow rooms
Perhaps I might have told Joe about the pale young gentleman if I had not
previously been betrayed into those enormous inventions to which I had
confessed Under the circumstances I felt that Joe could hardly fail to discern
in the pale young gentleman an appropriate passenger to be put into the black
velvet coach therefore I said nothing of him Besides that shrinking from
having Miss Havisham and Estella discussed which had come upon me in the
beginning grew much more potent as time went on I reposed complete confidence
in no one but Biddy but I told poor Biddy everything Why it came natural for
me to do so and why Biddy had a deep concern in everything I told her I did
not know then though I think I know now
Meanwhile councils went on in the kitchen at home fraught with almost
insupportable aggravation to my exasperated spirit That ass Pumblechook used
often to come over of a night for the purpose of discussing my prospects with my
sister and I really do believe to this hour with less penitence than I ought
to feel that if these hands could have taken a linchpin out of his
chaisecart they would have done it The miserable man was a man of that
confined stolidity of mind that he could not discuss my prospects without
having me before him as it were to operate upon and he would drag me up
from my stool usually by the collar where I was quiet in a corner and
putting me before the fire as if I were going to be cooked would begin by
saying »Now Mum here is this boy Here is this boy which you brought up by
hand Hold up your head boy and be for ever grateful unto them which so did
do Now Mum with respections to this boy« And then he would rumple my hair
the wrong way which from my earliest remembrance as already hinted I have in
my soul denied the right of any fellowcreature to do and would hold me before
him by the sleeve a spectacle of imbecility only to be equalled by himself
Then he and my sister would pair off in such nonsensical speculations about
Miss Havisham and about what she would do with me and for me that I used to
want quite painfully to burst into spiteful tears fly at Pumblechook and
pummel him all over In these dialogues my sister spoke to me as if she were
morally wrenching one of my teeth out at every reference while Pumblechook
himself selfconstituted my patron would sit supervising me with a
depreciatory eye like the architect of my fortunes who thought himself engaged
in a very unremunerative job
In these discussions Joe bore no part But he was often talked at while
they were in progress by reason of Mrs Joes perceiving that he was not
favourable to my being taken from the forge I was fully old enough now to be
apprenticed to Joe and when Joe sat with the poker on his knees thoughtfully
raking out the ashes between the lower bars my sister would so distinctly
construe that innocent action into opposition on his part that she would dive
at him take the poker out of his hands shake him and put it away There was a
most irritating end to every one of these debates All in a moment with nothing
to lead up to it my sister would stop herself in a yawn and catching sight of
me as it were incidentally would swoop upon me with »Come theres enough of
you You get along to bed youve given trouble enough for one night I hope«
As if I had besought them as a favour to bother my life out
We went on in this way for a long time and it seemed likely that we should
continue to go on in this way for a long time when one day Miss Havisham
stopped short as she and I were walking she leaning on my shoulder and said
with some displeasure
»You are growing tall Pip«
I thought it best to hint through the medium of a meditative look that
this might be occasioned by circumstances over which I had no control
She said no more at the time but she presently stopped and looked at me
again and presently again and after that looked frowning and moody On the
next day of my attendance when our usual exercise was over and I had landed
her at her dressingtable she stayed me with a movement of her impatient
fingers
»Tell me the name again of that blacksmith of yours«
»Joe Gargery maam«
»Meaning the master you were to be apprenticed to«
»Yes Miss Havisham«
»You had better be apprenticed at once Would Gargery come here with you
and bring your indentures do you think«
I signified that I had no doubt he would take it as an honour to be asked
»Then let him come«
»At any particular time Miss Havisham«
»There there I know nothing about times Let him come soon and come along
with you«
When I got home at night and delivered this message for Joe my sister went
on the Rampage in a more alarming degree than at any previous period She asked
me and Joe whether we supposed she was doormats under our feet and how we
dared to use her so and what company we graciously thought she was fit for
When she had exhausted a torrent of such inquiries she threw a candlestick at
Joe burst into a loud sobbing got out the dustpan which was always a very
bad sign put on her coarse apron and began cleaning up to a terrible extent
Not satisfied with a dry cleaning she took to a pail and scrubbingbrush and
cleaned us out of house and home so that we stood shivering in the backyard
It was ten oclock at night before we ventured to creep in again and then she
asked Joe why he had not married a Negress Slave at once Joe offered no answer
poor fellow but stood feeling his whiskers and looking dejectedly at me as if
he thought it really might have been a better speculation
Chapter XIII
It was a trial to my feelings on the next day but one to see Joe arraying
himself in his Sunday clothes to accompany me to Miss Havishams However as he
thought his courtsuit necessary to the occasion it was not for me to tell him
that he looked far better in his working dress the rather because I knew he
made himself so dreadfully uncomfortable entirely on my account and that it
was for me he pulled up his shirtcollar so very high behind that it made the
hair on the crown of his head stand up like a tuft of feathers
At breakfasttime my sister declared her intention of going to town with
us and being left at Uncle Pumblechooks and called for when we had done with
our fine ladies a way of putting the case from which Joe appeared inclined to
augur the worst The forge was shut up for the day and Joe inscribed in chalk
upon the door as it was his custom to do on the very rare occasions when he was
not at work the monosyllable HOUT accompanied by a sketch of an arrow supposed
to be flying in the direction he had taken
We walked to town my sister leading the way in a very large beaver bonnet
and carrying a basket like the Great Seal of England in plaited straw a pair of
pattens a spare shawl and an umbrella though it was a fine bright day I am
not quite clear whether these articles were carried penitentially or
ostentatiously but I rather think they were displayed as articles of property
much as Cleopatra or any other sovereign lady on the Rampage might exhibit her
wealth in a pageant or procession
When we came to Pumblechooks my sister bounced in and left us As it was
almost noon Joe and I held straight on to Miss Havishams house Estella opened
the gate as usual and the moment she appeared Joe took his hat off and stood
weighing it by the brim in both his hands as if he had some urgent reason in
his mind for being particular to half a quarter of an ounce
Estella took no notice of either of us but led us the way that I knew so
well I followed next to her and Joe came last When I looked back at Joe in
the long passage he was still weighing his hat with the greatest care and was
coming after us in long strides on the tips of his toes
Estella told me we were both to go in so I took Joe by the coatcuff and
conducted him into Miss Havishams presence She was seated at her
dressingtable and looked round at us immediately
»Oh« said she to Joe »You are the husband of the sister of this boy«
I could hardly have imagined dear old Joe looking so unlike himself or so
like some extraordinary bird standing as he did speechless with his tuft of
feathers ruffled and his mouth open as if he wanted a worm
»You are the husband« repeated Miss Havisham »of the sister of this boy«
It was very aggravating but throughout the interview Joe persisted in
addressing Me instead of Miss Havisham
»Which I meantersay Pip« Joe now observed in a manner that was at once
expressive of forcible argumentation strict confidence and great politeness
»as I hup and married your sister and I were at the time what you might call
if you was any ways inclined a single man«
»Well« said Miss Havisham »And you have reared the boy with the intention
of taking him for your apprentice is that so Mr Gargery«
»You know Pip« replied Joe »as you and me were ever friends and it were
looked forard to betwixt us as being calclated to lead to larks Not but
what Pip if you had ever made objections to the business such as its being
open to black and sut or suchlike not but what they would have been attended
to dont you see«
»Has the boy« said Miss Havisham »ever made any objection Does he like
the trade«
»Which it is well beknown to yourself Pip« returned Joe strengthening his
former mixture of argumentation confidence and politeness »that it were the
wish of your own hart« I saw the idea suddenly break upon him that he would
adapt his epitaph to the occasion before he went on to say »And there werent
no objection on your part and Pip it were the great wish of your hart«
It was quite in vain for me to endeavour to make him sensible that he ought
to speak to Miss Havisham The more I made faces and gestures to him to do it
the more confidential argumentative and polite he persisted in being to Me
»Have you brought his indentures with you« asked Miss Havisham
»Well Pip you know« replied Joe as if that were a little unreasonable
»you yourself see me put em in my at and therefore you know as they are
here« With which he took them out and gave them not to Miss Havisham but to
me I am afraid I was ashamed of the dear good fellow I know I was ashamed of
him when I saw that Estella stood at the back of Miss Havishams chair and
that her eyes laughed mischievously I took the indentures out of his hand and
gave them to Miss Havisham
»You expected« said Miss Havisham as she looked them over »no premium
with the boy«
»Joe« I remonstrated for he made no reply at all »Why dont you answer «
»Pip« returned Joe cutting me short as if he were hurt »which I
meantersay that were not a question requiring a answer betwixt yourself and me
and which you know the answer to be full well No You know it to be No Pip and
wherefore should I say it«
Miss Havisham glanced at him as if she understood what he really was better
than I had thought possible seeing what he was there and took up a little bag
from the table beside her
»Pip has earned a premium here« she said »and here it is There are
fiveandtwenty guineas in this bag Give it to your master Pip«
As if he were absolutely out of his mind with the wonder awakened in him by
her strange figure and the strange room Joe even at this pass persisted in
addressing me
»This is very liberal on your part Pip« said Joe »and it is as such
received and grateful welcome though never looked for far nor near nor
nowheres And now old chap« said Joe conveying to me a sensation first of
burning and then of freezing for I felt as if that familiar expression were
applied to Miss Havisham »and now old chap may we do our duty May you and me
do our duty both on us by one and another and by them which your liberal
present have conweyed to be for the satisfaction of mind of them as
never « here Joe showed that he felt he had fallen into frightful difficulties
until he triumphantly rescued himself with the words »and from myself far be
it« These words had such a round and convincing sound for him that he said them
twice
»Goodbye Pip« said Miss Havisham »Let them out Estella«
»Am I to come again Miss Havisham« I asked
»No Gargery is your master now Gargery One word«
Thus calling him back as I went out of the door I heard her say to Joe in
a distinct emphatic voice »The boy has been a good boy here and that is his
reward Of course as an honest man you will expect no other and no more«
How Joe got out of the room I have never been able to determine but I
know that when he did get out he was steadily proceeding upstairs instead of
coming down and was deaf to all remonstrances until I went after him and laid
hold of him In another minute we were outside the gate and it was locked and
Estella was gone When we stood in the daylight alone again Joe backed up
against a wall and said to me »Astonishing« And there he remained so long
saying Astonishing at intervals so often that I began to think his senses were
never coming back At length he prolonged his remark into »Pip I do assure you
this is asTONishing« and so by degrees became conversational and able to
walk away
I have reason to think that Joes intellects were brightened by the
encounter they had passed through and that on our way to Pumblechooks he
invented a subtle and deep design My reason is to be found in what took place
in Mr Pumblechooks parlour where on our presenting ourselves my sister sat
in conference with that detested seedsman
»Well« cried my sister addressing us both at once »And whats happened to
you I wonder you condescend to come back to such poor society as this I am
sure I do«
»Miss Havisham« said Joe with a fixed look at me like an effort of
remembrance »made it wery partickler that we should give her were it
compliments or respects Pip«
»Compliments« I said
»Which that were my own belief« answered Joe »her compliments to Mrs J
Gargery «
»Much good theyll do me« observed my sister but rather gratified too
»And wishing« pursued Joe with another fixed look at me like another
effort of remembrance »that the state of Miss Havishams elth were sitch as
would have allowed were it Pip«
»Of her having the pleasure« I added
»Of ladies company« said Joe And drew a long breath
»Well« cried my sister with a mollified glance at Mr Pumblechook »She
might have had the politeness to send that message at first but its better
late than never And what did she give young Rantipole here«
»She giv him« said Joe »nothing«
Mrs Joe was going to break out but Joe went on
»What she giv« said Joe »she giv to his friends And by his friends
were her explanation I mean into the hands of his sister Mrs J Gargery Them
were her words Mrs J Gargery She maynt have knowd« added Joe with an
appearance of reflection »whether it were Joe or Jorge«
My sister looked at Pumblechook who smoothed the elbows of his wooden
armchair and nodded at her and at the fire as if he had known all about it
beforehand
»And how much have you got« asked my sister laughing Positively
laughing
»What would present company say to ten pound« demanded Joe
»Theyd say« returned my sister curtly »pretty well Not too much but
pretty well«
»Its more than that then« said Joe
That fearful impostor Pumblechook immediately nodded and said as he
rubbed the arms of his chair »Its more than that Mum«
»Why you dont mean to say « began my sister
»Yes I do Mum« said Pumblechook »but wait a bit Go on Joseph Good in
you Go on«
»What would present company say« proceeded Joe »to twenty pound«
»Handsome would be the word« returned my sister
»Well then« said Joe »its more than twenty pound«
That abject hypocrite Pumblechook nodded again and said with a
patronising laugh »Its more than that Mum Good again Follow her up
Joseph«
»Then to make an end of it« said Joe delightedly handing the bag to my
sister »its fiveandtwenty pound«
»Its fiveandtwenty pound Mum« echoed that basest of swindlers
Pumblechook rising to shake hands with her »and its no more than your merits
as I said when my opinion was asked and I wish you joy of the money«
If the villain had stopped here his case would have been sufficiently
awful but he blackened his guilt by proceeding to take me into custody with a
right of patronage that left all his former criminality far behind
»Now you see Joseph and wife« said Mr Pumblechook as he took me by the
arm above the elbow »I am one of them that always go right through with what
theyve begun This boy must be bound out of hand Thats my way Bound out of
hand«
»Goodness knows Uncle Pumblechook« said my sister grasping the money
»were deeply beholden to you«
»Never mind me Mum« returned that diabolical cornchandler »A pleasures
a pleasure all the world over But this boy you know we must have him bound I
said Id see to it to tell you the truth«
The Justices were sitting in the Town Hall near at hand and we at once went
over to have me bound apprentice to Joe in the Magisterial presence I say we
went over but I was pushed over by Pumblechook exactly as if I had that moment
picked a pocket or fired a rick indeed it was the general impression in Court
that I had been taken redhanded for as Pumblechook shoved me before him
through the crowd I heard some people say »Whats he done« and others »Hes
a young un too but looks bad dont he« One person of mild and benevolent
aspect even gave me a tract ornamented with a woodcut of a malevolent young man
fitted up with a perfect sausageshop of fetters and entitled TO BE READ IN MY
CELL
The Hall was a queer place I thought with higher pews in it than a church
and with people hanging over the pews looking on and with mighty Justices
one with a powdered head leaning back in chairs with folded arms or taking
snuff or going to sleep or writing or reading the newspapers and with some
shining black portraits on the walls which my unartistic eye regarded as a
composition of hardbake and stickingplaister Here in a corner my indentures
were duly signed and attested and I was bound Mr Pumblechook holding me all
the while as if we had looked in on our way to the scaffold to have those
little preliminaries disposed of
When we had come out again and had got rid of the boys who had been put
into great spirits by the expectation of seeing me publicly tortured and who
were much disappointed to find that my friends were merely rallying round me we
went back to Pumblechooks And there my sister became so excited by the
twentyfive guineas that nothing would serve her but we must have a dinner out
of that windfall at the Blue Boar and that Mr Pumblechook must go over in his
chaisecart and bring the Hubbles and Mr Wopsle
It was agreed to be done and a most melancholy day I passed For it
inscrutably appeared to stand to reason in the minds of the whole company that
I was an excrescence on the entertainment And to make it worse they all asked
me from time to time in short whenever they had nothing else to do why I
didnt enjoy myself And what could I possibly do then but say that I was
enjoying myself when I wasnt
However they were grown up and had their own way and made the most of it
That swindling Pumblechook exalted into the beneficent contriver of the whole
occasion actually took the top of the table and when he addressed them on the
subject of my being bound and had fiendishly congratulated them on my being
liable to imprisonment if I played at cards drank strong liquors kept late
hours or bad company or indulged in other vagaries which the form of my
indentures appeared to contemplate as next to inevitable he placed me standing
on a chair beside him to illustrate his remarks
My only other remembrances of the great festival are That they wouldnt let
me go to sleep but whenever they saw me dropping off woke me up and told me to
enjoy myself That rather late in the evening Mr Wopsle gave us Collinss ode
and threw his bloodstaind sword in thunder down with such effect that a
waiter came in and said »The Commercials underneath sent up their compliments
and it wasnt the Tumblers Arms« That they were all in excellent spirits on
the road home and sang O Lady Fair Mr Wopsle taking the bass and asserting
with a tremendously strong voice in reply to the inquisitive bore who leads
that piece of music in a most impertinent manner by wanting to know all about
everybodys private affairs that he was the man with his white locks flowing
and that he was upon the whole the weakest pilgrim going
Finally I remember that when I got into my little bedroom I was truly
wretched and had a strong conviction on me that I should never like Joes
trade I had liked it once but once was not now
Chapter XIV
It is a most miserable thing to feel ashamed of home There may be black
ingratitude in the thing and the punishment may be retributive and well
deserved but that it is a miserable thing I can testify
Home had never been a very pleasant place to me because of my sisters
temper But Joe had sanctified it and I believed in it I had believed in the
best parlour as a most elegant saloon I had believed in the front door as a
mysterious portal of the Temple of State whose solemn opening was attended with
a sacrifice of roast fowls I had believed in the kitchen as a chaste though not
magnificent apartment I had believed in the forge as the glowing road to
manhood and independence Within a single year all this was changed Now it was
all coarse and common and I would not have had Miss Havisham and Estella see it
on any account
How much of my ungracious condition of mind may have been my own fault how
much Miss Havishams how much my sisters is now of no moment to me or to any
one The change was made in me the thing was done Well or ill done excusably
or inexcusably it was done
Once it had seemed to me that when I should at last roll up my
shirtsleeves and go into the forge Joes prentice I should be distinguished
and happy Now the reality was in my hold I only felt that I was dusty with the
dust of the small coal and that I had a weight upon my daily remembrance to
which the anvil was a feather There have been occasions in my later life I
suppose as in most lives when I have felt for a time as if a thick curtain had
fallen on all its interest and romance to shut me out from anything save dull
endurance any more Never has that curtain dropped so heavy and blank as when
my way in life lay stretched out straight before me through the newlyentered
road of apprenticeship to Joe
I remember that at a later period of my time I used to stand about the
churchyard on Sunday evenings when night was falling comparing my own
perspective with the windy marsh view and making out some likeness between them
by thinking how flat and low both were and how on both there came an unknown
way and a dark mist and then the sea I was quite as dejected on the first
workingday of my apprenticeship as in that aftertime but I am glad to know
that I never breathed a murmur to Joe while my indentures lasted It is about
the only thing I am glad to know of myself in that connection
For though it includes what I proceed to add all the merit of what I
proceed to add was Joes It was not because I was faithful but because Joe was
faithful that I never ran away and went for a soldier or a sailor It was not
because I had a strong sense of the virtue of industry but because Joe had a
strong sense of the virtue of industry that I worked with tolerable zeal
against the grain It is not possible to know how far the influence of any
amiable honesthearted dutydoing man flies out into the world but it is very
possible to know how it has touched ones self in going by and I know right
well that any good that intermixed itself with my apprenticeship came of plain
contented Joe and not of restless aspiring discontented me
What I wanted who can say How can I say when I never knew What I dreaded
was that in some unlucky hour I being at my grimiest and commonest should
lift up my eyes and see Estella looking in at one of the wooden windows of the
forge I was haunted by the fear that she would sooner or later find me out
with a black face and hands doing the coarsest part of my work and would exult
over me and despise me Often after dark when I was pulling the bellows for
Joe and we were singing Old Clem and when the thought how we used to sing it
at Miss Havishams would seem to show me Estellas face in the fire with her
pretty hair fluttering in the wind and her eyes scorning me often at such a
time I would look towards those panels of black night in the wall which the
wooden windows then were and would fancy that I saw her just drawing her face
away and would believe that she had come at last
After that when we went in to supper the place and the meal would have a
more homely look than ever and I would feel more ashamed of home than ever in
my own ungracious breast
Chapter XV
As I was getting too big for Mr Wopsles greataunts room my education under
that preposterous female terminated Not however until Biddy had imparted to
me everything she knew from the little catalogue of prices to a comic song she
had once bought for a halfpenny Although the only coherent part of the latter
piece of literature were the opening lines
When I went to Lunnon town sirs
Too rul loo rul
Too rul loo rul
Wasnt I done very brown sirs
Too rul loo rul
Too rul loo rul
still in my desire to be wiser I got this composition by heart with the
utmost gravity nor do I recollect that I questioned its merit except that I
thought as I still do the amount of Too rul somewhat in excess of the poetry
In my hunger for information I made proposals to Mr Wopsle to bestow some
intellectual crumbs upon me with which he kindly complied As it turned out
however that he only wanted me for a dramatic layfigure to be contradicted
and embraced and wept over and bullied and clutched and stabbed and knocked
about in a variety of ways I soon declined that course of instruction though
not until Mr Wopsle in his poetic fury had severely mauled me
Whatever I acquired I tried to impart to Joe This statement sounds so
well that I cannot in my conscience let it pass unexplained I wanted to make
Joe less ignorant and common that he might be worthier of my society and less
open to Estellas reproach
The old Battery out on the marshes was our place of study and a broken
slate and a short piece of slate pencil were our educational implements to
which Joe always added a pipe of tobacco I never knew Joe to remember anything
from one Sunday to another or to acquire under my tuition any piece of
information whatever Yet he would smoke his pipe at the Battery with a far more
sagacious air than anywhere else even with a learned air as if he considered
himself to be advancing immensely Dear fellow I hope he did
It was pleasant and quiet out there with the sails on the river passing
beyond the earthwork and sometimes when the tide was low looking as if they
belonged to sunken ships that were still sailing on at the bottom of the water
Whenever I watched the vessels standing out to sea with their white sails
spread I somehow thought of Miss Havisham and Estella and whenever the light
struck aslant afar off upon a cloud or sail or green hillside or waterline
it was just the same Miss Havisham and Estella and the strange house and the
strange life appeared to have something to do with everything that was
picturesque
One Sunday when Joe greatly enjoying his pipe had so plumed himself on
being most awful dull that I had given him up for the day I lay on the
earthwork for some time with my chin on my hand descrying traces of Miss
Havisham and Estella all over the prospect in the sky and in the water until
at last I resolved to mention a thought concerning them that had been much in my
head
»Joe« said I »dont you think I ought to pay Miss Havisham a visit«
»Well Pip« returned Joe slowly considering »What for«
»What for Joe What is any visit made for«
»There is some wisits praps« said Joe »as for ever remains open to the
question Pip But in regard of wisiting Miss Havisham She might think you
wanted something expected something of her«
»Dont you think I might say that I did not Joe«
»You might old chap« said Joe »And she might credit it Similarly she
mightnt«
Joe felt as I did that he had made a point there and he pulled hard at
his pipe to keep himself from weakening it by repetition
»You see Pip« Joe pursued as soon as he was past that danger »Miss
Havisham done the handsome thing by you When Miss Havisham done the handsome
thing by you she called me back to say to me as that were all«
»Yes Joe I heard her«
»ALL« Joe repeated very emphatically
»Yes Joe I tell you I heard her«
»Which I meantersay Pip it might be that her meaning were Make a end on
it As you was Me to the North and you to the South Keep in sunders«
I had thought of that too and it was very far from comforting to me to find
that he had thought of it for it seemed to render it more probable
»But Joe«
»Yes old chap«
»Here am I getting on in the first year of my time and since the day of
my being bound I have never thanked Miss Havisham or asked after her or shown
that I remember her«
»Thats true Pip and unless you was to turn her out a set of shoes all
four round and which I meantersay as even a set of shoes all four round might
not act acceptable as a present in a total wacancy of hoofs «
»I dont mean that sort of remembrance Joe I dont mean a present«
But Joe had got the idea of a present in his head and must harp upon it »Or
even« said he »if you was helped to knocking her up a new chain for the front
door or say a gross or two of sharkheaded screws for general use or some
light fancy article such as a toastingfork when she took her muffins or a
gridiron when she took a sprat or such like «
»I dont mean any present at all Joe« I interposed
»Well« said Joe still harping on it as though I had particularly pressed
it »if I was yourself Pip I wouldnt No I would not For whats a
doorchain when shes got one always up And sharkheaders is open to
misrepresentations And if it was a toastingfork youd go into brass and do
yourself no credit And the oncommonest workman cant show himself oncommon in a
gridiron for a gridiron IS a gridiron« said Joe steadfastly impressing it
upon me as if he were endeavouring to rouse me from a fixed delusion »and you
may haim at what you like but a gridiron it will come out either by your leave
or again your leave and you cant help yourself «
»My dear Joe« I cried in desperation taking hold of his coat »dont go on
in that way I never thought of making Miss Havisham any present«
»No Pip« Joe assented as if he had been contending for that all along
»and what I say to you is you are right Pip«
»Yes Joe but what I wanted to say was that as we are rather slack just
now if you would give me a halfholiday tomorrow I think I would go uptown
and make a call on Miss Est Havisham«
»Which her name« said Joe gravely »aint Estavisham Pip unless she have
been rechrisened«
»I know Joe I know It was a slip of mine What do you think of it Joe«
In brief Joe thought that if I thought well of it he thought well of it
But he was particular in stipulating that if I were not received with
cordiality or if I were not encouraged to repeat my visit as a visit which had
no ulterior object but was simply one of gratitude for a favour received then
this experimental trip should have no successor By these conditions I promised
to abide
Now Joe kept a journeyman at weekly wages whose name was Orlick He
pretended that his christian name was Dolge a clear impossibility but he was
a fellow of that obstinate disposition that I believe him to have been the prey
of no delusion in this particular but wilfully to have imposed that name upon
the village as an affront to its understanding He was a broadshouldered
looselimbed swarthy fellow of great strength never in a hurry and always
slouching He never even seemed to come to his work on purpose but would slouch
in as if by mere accident and when he went to the Jolly Bargemen to eat his
dinner or went away at night he would slouch out like Cain or the Wandering
Jew as if he had no idea where he was going and no intention of ever coming
back He lodged at a sluicekeepers out on the marshes and on working days
would come slouching from his hermitage with his hands in his pockets and his
dinner loosely tied in a bundle round his neck and dangling on his back On
Sundays he mostly lay all day on sluicegates or stood against ricks and barns
He always slouched locomotively with his eyes on the ground and when
accosted or otherwise required to raise them he looked up in a half resentful
half puzzled way as though the only thought he ever had was that it was
rather an odd and injurious fact that he should never be thinking
This morose journeyman had no liking for me When I was very small and
timid he gave me to understand that the Devil lived in a black corner of the
forge and that he knew the fiend very well also that it was necessary to make
up the fire once in seven years with a live boy and that I might consider
myself fuel When I became Joes prentice Orlick was perhaps confirmed in some
suspicion that I should displace him howbeit he liked me still less Not that
he ever said anything or did anything openly importing hostility I only
noticed that he always beat his sparks in my direction and that whenever I sang
Old Clem he came in out of time
Dolge Orlick was at work and present next day when I reminded Joe of my
halfholiday He said nothing at the moment for he and Joe had just got a piece
of hot iron between them and I was at the bellows but byandby he said
leaning on his hammer
»Now master Sure youre not a going to favour only one of us If Young Pip
has a halfholiday do as much for Old Orlick« I suppose he was about
fiveandtwenty but he usually spoke of himself as an ancient person
»Why whatll you do with a halfholiday if you get it« said Joe
»Whatll I do with it Whatll he do with it Ill do as much with it as
him« said Orlick
»As to Pip hes going uptown« said Joe
»Well then as to Old Orlick hes a going uptown« retorted that worthy
»Two can go uptown Taint only one wot can go uptown«
»Dont lose your temper« said Joe
»Shall if I like« growled Orlick »Some and their uptowning Now master
Come No favouring in this shop Be a man«
The master refusing to entertain the subject until the journeyman was in a
better temper Orlick plunged at the furnace drew out a redhot bar made at me
with it as if he were going to run it through my body whisked it round my head
laid it on the anvil hammered it out as if it were I I thought and the
sparks were my spirting blood and finally said when he had hammered himself
hot and the iron cold and he again leaned on his hammer
»Now master«
»Are you all right now« demanded Joe
»Ah I am all right« said gruff Old Orlick
»Then as in general you stick to your work as well as most men« said Joe
»let it be a halfholiday for all«
My sister had been standing silent in the yard within hearing she was a
most unscrupulous spy and listener and she instantly looked in at one of the
windows
»Like you you fool« said she to Joe »giving holidays to great idle
hulkers like that You are a rich man upon my life to waste wages in that way
I wish I was his master«
»Youd be everybodys master if you durst« retorted Orlick with an
illfavoured grin
Let her alone said Joe
»Id be a match for all noodles and all rogues« returned my sister
beginning to work herself into a mighty rage »And I couldnt be a match for the
noodles without being a match for your master whos the dunderheaded king of
the noodles And I couldnt be a match for the rogues without being a match for
you who are the blackestlooking and the worst rogue between this and France
Now«
»Youre a foul shrew Mother Gargery« growled the journeyman »If that
makes a judge of rogues you ought to be a goodun«
Let her alone will you said Joe
»What did you say« cried my sister beginning to scream »What did you say
What did that fellow Orlick say to me Pip What did he call me with my husband
standing by O O O« Each of these exclamations was a shriek and I must
remark of my sister what is equally true of all the violent women I have ever
seen that passion was no excuse for her because it is undeniable that instead
of lapsing into passion she consciously and deliberately took extraordinary
pains to force herself into it and became blindly furious by regular stages
»what was the name that he gave me before the base man who swore to defend me
O Hold me O«
»Ahhh« growled the journeyman between his teeth »Id hold you if you
was my wife Id hold you under the pump and choke it out of you«
I tell you let her alone said Joe
»Oh To hear him« cried my sister with a clap of her hands and a scream
together which was her next stage »To hear the names hes giving me That
Orlick In my own house Me a married woman With my husband standing by O
O« Here my sister after a fit of clappings and screamings beat her hands upon
her bosom and upon her knees and threw her cap off and pulled her hair down
which were the last stages on her road to frenzy Being by this time a perfect
Fury and a complete success she made a dash at the door which I had
fortunately locked
What could the wretched Joe do now after his disregarded parenthetical
interruptions but stand up to his journeyman and ask him what he meant by
interfering betwixt himself and Mrs Joe and further whether he was man enough
to come on Old Orlick felt that the situation admitted of nothing less than
coming on and was on his defence straightway so without so much as pulling
off their singed and burnt aprons they went at one another like two giants
But if any man in that neighbourhood could stand up long against Joe I never
saw the man Orlick as if he had been of no more account than the pale young
gentleman was very soon among the coaldust and in no hurry to come out of it
Then Joe unlocked the door and picked up my sister who had dropped insensible
at the window but who had seen the fight first I think and who was carried
into the house and laid down and who was recommended to revive and would do
nothing but struggle and clench her hands in Joes hair Then came that singular
calm and silence which succeed all uproars and then with the vague sensation
which I have always connected with such a lull namely that it was Sunday and
somebody was dead I went upstairs to dress myself
When I came down again I found Joe and Orlick sweeping up without any
other traces of discomposure than a slit in one of Orlicks nostrils which was
neither expressive nor ornamental A pot of beer had appeared from the Jolly
Bargemen and they were sharing it by turns in a peaceable manner The lull had
a sedative and philosophical influence on Joe who followed me out into the road
to say as a parting observation that might do me good »On the Rampage Pip
and off the Rampage Pip such is Life«
With what absurd emotions for we think the feelings that are very serious
in a man quite comical in a boy I found myself again going to Miss Havishams
matters little here Nor how I passed and repassed the gate many times before I
could make up my mind to ring Nor how I debated whether I should go away
without ringing nor how I should undoubtedly have gone if my time had been my
own to come back
Miss Sarah Pocket came to the gate No Estella
»How then You here again« said Miss Pocket »What do you want«
When I said that I only came to see how Miss Havisham was Sarah evidently
deliberated whether or no she should send me about my business But unwilling
to hazard the responsibility she let me in and presently brought the sharp
message that I was to come up
Everything was unchanged and Miss Havisham was alone »Well« said she
fixing her eyes upon me »I hope you want nothing Youll get nothing«
»No indeed Miss Havisham I only wanted you to know that I am doing very
well in my apprenticeship and am always much obliged to you«
»There there« with the old restless fingers »Come now and then come on
your birthday Ay« she cried suddenly turning herself and her chair towards
me »You are looking round for Estella Hey«
I had been looking round in fact for Estella and I stammered that I
hoped she was well
»Abroad« said Miss Havisham »educating for a lady far out of reach
prettier than ever admired by all who see her Do you feel that you have lost
her«
There was such a malignant enjoyment in her utterance of the last words and
she broke into such a disagreeable laugh that I was at a loss what to say She
spared me the trouble of considering by dismissing me When the gate was closed
upon me by Sarah of the walnutshell countenance I felt more than ever
dissatisfied with my home and with my trade and with everything and that was
all I took by that motion
As I was loitering along the Highstreet looking in disconsolately at the
shop windows and thinking what I would buy if I were a gentleman who should
come out of the bookshop but Mr Wopsle Mr Wopsle had in his hand the
affecting tragedy of George Barnwell in which he had that moment invested
sixpence with the view of heaping every word of it on the head of Pumblechook
with whom he was going to drink tea No sooner did he see me than he appeared
to consider that a special Providence had put a prentice in his way to be read
at and he laid hold of me and insisted on my accompanying him to the
Pumblechookian parlour As I knew it would be miserable at home and as the
nights were dark and the way was dreary and almost any companionship on the
road was better than none I made no great resistance consequently we turned
into Pumblechooks just as the street and the shops were lighting up
As I never assisted at any other representation of George Barnwell I dont
know how long it may usually take but I know very well that it took until
halfpast nine oclock that night and that when Mr Wopsle got into Newgate I
thought he never would go to the scaffold he became so much slower than at any
former period of his disgraceful career I thought it a little too much that he
should complain of being cut short in his flower after all as if he had not
been running to seed leaf after leaf ever since his course began This
however was a mere question of length and wearisomeness What stung me was the
identification of the whole affair with my unoffending self When Barnwell began
to go wrong I declare I felt positively apologetic Pumblechooks indignant
stare so taxed me with it Wopsle too took pains to present me in the worst
light At once ferocious and maudlin I was made to murder my uncle with no
extenuating circumstances whatever Millwood put me down in argument on every
occasion it became sheer monomania in my masters daughter to care a button for
me and all I can say for my gasping and procrastinating conduct on the fatal
morning is that it was worthy of the general feebleness of my character Even
after I was happily hanged and Wopsle had closed the book Pumblechook sat
staring at me and shaking his head and saying »Take warning boy take
warning« as if it were a wellknown fact that I contemplated murdering a near
relation provided I could only induce one to have the weakness to become my
benefactor
It was a very dark night when it was all over and when I set out with Mr
Wopsle on the walk home Beyond town we found a heavy mist out and it fell wet
and thick The turnpike lamp was a blur quite out of the lamps usual place
apparently and its rays looked solid substance on the fog We were noticing
this and saying how that the mist rose with a change of wind from a certain
quarter of our marshes when we came upon a man slouching under the lee of the
turnpike house
»Halloa« we said stopping »Orlick there«
»Ah« he answered slouching out »I was standing by a minute on the
chance of company«
»You are late« I remarked
Orlick not unnaturally answered »Well And youre late«
»We have been« said Mr Wopsle exalted with his late performance »we have
been indulging Mr Orlick in an intellectual evening«
Old Orlick growled as if he had nothing to say about that and we all went
on together I asked him presently whether he had been spending his halfholiday
up and down town
»Yes« said he »all of it I come in behind yourself I didnt see you but
I must have been pretty close behind you Bythebye the guns is going again«
»At the Hulks« said I
»Ay Theres some of the birds flown from the cages The guns have been
going since dark about Youll hear one presently«
In effect we had not walked many yards further when the wellremembered
boom came towards us deadened by the mist and heavily rolled away along the
low grounds by the river as if it were pursuing and threatening the fugitives
»A good night for cutting off in« said Orlick »Wed be puzzled how to
bring down a jailbird on the wing tonight«
The subject was a suggestive one to me and I thought about it in silence
Mr Wopsle as the illrequited uncle of the evenings tragedy fell to
meditating aloud is his garden at Camberwell Orlick with his hands in his
pockets slouched heavily at my side It was very dark very wet very muddy
and so we splashed along Now and then the sound of the signal cannon broke
upon us again and again rolled sulkily along the course of the river I kept
myself to myself and my thoughts Mr Wopsle died amiably at Camberwell and
exceedingly game on Bosworth Field and in the greatest agonies at Glastonbury
Orlick sometimes growled »Beat it out beat it out Old Clem With a clink for
the stout Old Clem« I thought he had been drinking but he was not drunk
Thus we came to the village The way by which we approached it took us
past the Three Jolly Bargemen which we were surprised to find it being eleven
oclock in a state of commotion with the door wide open and unwonted lights
that had been hastily caught up and put down scattered about Mr Wopsle
dropped in to ask what was the matter surmising that a convict had been taken
but came running out in a great hurry
»Theres something wrong« said he without stopping »up at your place
Pip Run all«
»What is it« I asked keeping up with him So did Orlick at my side
»I cant quite understand The house seems to have been violently entered
when Joe Gargery was out Supposed by convicts Somebody has been attacked and
hurt«
We were running too fast to admit of more being said and we made no stop
until we got into our kitchen It was full of people the whole village was
there or in the yard and there was a surgeon and there was Joe and there was
a group of women all on the floor in the midst of the kitchen The unemployed
bystanders drew back when they saw me and so I became aware of my sister
lying without sense or movement on the bare boards where she had been knocked
down by a tremendous blow on the back of the head dealt by some unknown hand
when her face was turned towards the fire destined never to be on the Rampage
again while she was the wife of Joe
Chapter XVI
With my head full of George Barnwell I was at first disposed to believe that I
must have had some hand in the attack upon my sister or at all events that as
her near relation popularly known to be under obligations to her I was a more
legitimate object of suspicion than any one else But when in the clearer light
of next morning I began to reconsider the matter and to hear it discussed
around me on all sides I took another view of the case which was more
reasonable
Joe had been at the Three Jolly Bargemen smoking his pipe from a quarter
after eight oclock to a quarter before ten While he was there my sister had
been standing at the kitchen door and had exchanged Good Night with a
farmlabourer going home The man could not be more particular as to the time at
which he saw her he got into dense confusion when he tried to be than that it
must have been before nine When Joe went home at five minutes before ten he
found her struck down on the floor and promptly called in assistance The fire
had not then burnt unusually low nor was the snuff of the candle very long the
candle however had been blown out
Nothing had been taken away from any part of the house Neither beyond the
blowing out of the candle which stood on a table between the door and my
sister and was behind her when she stood facing the fire and was struck was
there any disarrangement of the kitchen excepting such as she herself had made
in falling and bleeding But there was one remarkable piece of evidence on the
spot She had been struck with something blunt and heavy on the head and spine
after the blows were dealt something heavy had been thrown down at her with
considerable violence as she lay on her face And on the ground beside her
when Joe picked her up was a convicts legiron which had been filed asunder
Now Joe examining this iron with a smiths eye declared it to have been
filed asunder some time ago The hue and cry going off to the Hulks and people
coming thence to examine the iron Joes opinion was corroborated They did not
undertake to say when it had left the prisonships to which it undoubtedly had
once belonged but they claimed to know for certain that that particular manacle
had not been worn by either of two convicts who had escaped last night Further
one of those two was already retaken and had not freed himself of his iron
Knowing what I knew I set up an inference of my own here I believed the
iron to be my convicts iron the iron I had seen and heard him filing at on
the marshes but my mind did not accuse him of having put it to its latest use
For I believed one of two other persons to have become possessed of it and to
have turned it to this cruel account Either Orlick or the strange man who had
shown me the file
Now as to Orlick he had gone to town exactly as he told us when we picked
him up at the turnpike he had been seen about town all the evening he had been
in divers companies in several publichouses and he had come back with myself
and Mr Wopsle There was nothing against him save the quarrel and my sister
had quarrelled with him and with everybody else about her ten thousand times
As to the strange man if he had come back for his two banknotes there could
have been no dispute about them because my sister was fully prepared to restore
them Besides there had been no altercation the assailant had come in so
silently and suddenly that she had been felled before she could look round
It was horrible to think that I had provided the weapon however
undesignedly but I could hardly think otherwise I suffered unspeakable trouble
while I considered and reconsidered whether I should at last dissolve that spell
of my childhood and tell Joe all the story For months afterwards I every day
settled the question finally in the negative and reopened and reargued it next
morning The contention came after all to this the secret was such an old
one now had so grown into me and become a part of myself that I could not tear
it away In addition to the dread that having led up to so much mischief it
would be now more likely than ever to alienate Joe from me if he believed it I
had a further restraining dread that he would not believe it but would assert
it with the fabulous dogs and vealcutlets as a monstrous invention However I
temporized with myself of course for was I not wavering between right and
wrong when the thing is always done and resolved to make a full disclosure
if I should see any such new occasion as a new chance of helping in the
discovery of the assailant
The Constables and the Bow Street men from London for this happened in
the days of the extinct redwaistcoated police were about the house for a week
or two and did pretty much what I have heard and read of like authorities doing
in other such cases They took up several obviously wrong people and they ran
their heads very hard against wrong ideas and persisted in trying to fit the
circumstances to the ideas instead of trying to extract ideas from the
circumstances Also they stood about the door of the Jolly Bargemen with
knowing and reserved looks that filled the whole neighbourhood with admiration
and they had a mysterious manner of taking their drink that was almost as good
as taking the culprit But not quite for they never did it
Long after these constitutional powers had dispersed my sister lay very ill
in bed Her sight was disturbed so that she saw objects multiplied and grasped
at visionary teacups and wineglasses instead of the realities her hearing was
greatly impaired her memory also and her speech was unintelligible When at
last she came round so far as to be helped downstairs it was still necessary
to keep my slate always by her that she might indicate in writing what she
could not indicate in speech As she was very bad handwriting apart a more
than indifferent speller and as Joe was a more than indifferent reader
extraordinary complications arose between them which I was always called in to
solve The administration of mutton instead of medicine the substitution of Tea
for Joe and the baker for bacon were among the mildest of my own mistakes
However her temper was greatly improved and she was patient A tremulous
uncertainty of the action of all her limbs soon became a part of her regular
state and afterwards at intervals of two or three months she would often put
her hands to her head and would then remain for about a week at a time in some
gloomy aberration of mind We were at a loss to find a suitable attendant for
her until a circumstance happened conveniently to relieve us Mr Wopsles
greataunt conquered a confirmed habit of living into which she had fallen and
Biddy became a part of our establishment
It may have been about a month after my sisters reappearance in the
kitchen when Biddy came to us with a small speckled box containing the whole of
her worldly effects and became a blessing to the household Above all she was a
blessing to Joe for the dear old fellow was sadly cut up by the constant
contemplation of the wreck of his wife and had been accustomed while attending
on her of an evening to turn to me every now and then and say with his blue
eyes moistened »Such a fine figure of a woman as she once were Pip« Biddy
instantly taking the cleverest charge of her as though she had studied her from
infancy Joe became able in some sort to appreciate the greater quiet of his
life and to get down to the Jolly Bargemen now and then for a change that did
him good It was characteristic of the police people that they had all more or
less suspected poor Joe though he never knew it and that they had to a man
concurred in regarding him as one of the deepest spirits they had ever
encountered
Biddys first triumph in her new office was to solve a difficulty that had
completely vanquished me I had tried hard at it but had made nothing of it
Thus it was
Again and again and again my sister had traced upon the slate a character
that looked like a curious T and then with the utmost eagerness had called our
attention to it as something she particularly wanted I had in vain tried
everything producible that began with a T from tar to toast and tub At length
it had come into my head that the sign looked like a hammer and on my lustily
calling that word in my sisters ear she had begun to hammer on the table and
had expressed a qualified assent Thereupon I had brought in all our hammers
one after another but without avail Then I bethought me of a crutch the shape
being much the same and I borrowed one in the village and displayed it to my
sister with considerable confidence But she shook her head to that extent when
she was shown it that we were terrified lest in her weak and shattered state
she should dislocate her neck
When my sister found that Biddy was very quick to understand her this
mysterious sign reappeared on the slate Biddy looked thoughtfully at it heard
my explanation looked thoughtfully at my sister looked thoughtfully at Joe
who was always represented on the slate by his initial letter and ran into
the forge followed by Joe and me
»Why of course« cried Biddy with an exultant face »Dont you see Its
him«
Orlick without a doubt She had lost his name and could only signify him
by his hammer We told him why we wanted him to come into the kitchen and he
slowly laid down his hammer wiped his brow with his arm took another wipe at
it with his apron and came slouching out with a curious loose vagabond bend in
the knees that strongly distinguished him
I confess that I expected to see my sister denounce him and that I was
disappointed by the different result She manifested the greatest anxiety to be
on good terms with him was evidently much pleased by his being at length
produced and motioned that she would have him given something to drink She
watched his countenance as if she were particularly wishful to be assured that
he took kindly to his reception she showed every possible desire to conciliate
him and there was an air of humble propitiation in all she did such as I have
seen pervade the bearing of a child towards a hard master After that day a day
rarely passed without her drawing the hammer on her slate and without Orlicks
slouching in and standing doggedly before her as if he knew no more than I did
what to make of it
Chapter XVII
I now fell into a regular routine of apprenticeship life which was varied
beyond the limits of the village and the marshes by no more remarkable
circumstance than the arrival of my birthday and my paying another visit to Miss
Havisham I found Miss Sarah Pocket still on duty at the gate I found Miss
Havisham just as I had left her and she spoke of Estella in the very same way
if not in the very same words The interview lasted but a few minutes and she
gave me a guinea when I was going and told me to come again on my next
birthday I may mention at once that this became an annual custom I tried to
decline taking the guinea on the first occasion but with no better effect than
causing her to ask me very angrily if I expected more Then and after that I
took it
So unchanging was the dull old house the yellow light in the darkened room
the faded spectre in the chair by the dressingtable glass that I felt as if
the stopping of the clocks had stopped Time in that mysterious place and while
I and everything else outside it grew older it stood still Daylight never
entered the house as to my thoughts and remembrances of it any more than as to
the actual fact It bewildered me and under its influence I continued at heart
to hate my trade and to be ashamed of home
Imperceptibly I became conscious of a change in Biddy however Her shoes
came up at the heel her hair grew bright and neat her hands were always clean
She was not beautiful she was common and could not be like Estella but she
was pleasant and wholesome and sweettempered She had not been with us more
than a year I remember her being newly out of mourning at the time it struck
me when I observed to myself one evening that she had curiously thoughtful and
attentive eyes eyes that were very pretty and very good
It came of my lifting up my own eyes from a task I was poring at writing
some passages from a book to improve myself in two ways at once by a sort of
stratagem and seeing Biddy observant of what I was about I laid down my pen
and Biddy stopped in her needlework without laying it down
»Biddy« said I »how do you manage it Either I am very stupid or you are
very clever«
»What is it that I manage I dont know« returned Biddy smiling
She managed her whole domestic life and wonderfully too but I did not mean
that though that made what I did mean more surprising
»How do you manage Biddy« said I »to learn everything that I learn and
always to keep up with me« I was beginning to be rather vain of my knowledge
for I spent my birthday guineas on it and set aside the greater part of my
pocketmoney for similar investment though I have no doubt now that the
little I knew was extremely dear at the price
»I might as well ask you« said Biddy »how you manage«
»No because when I come in from the forge of a night any one can see me
turning to at it But you never turn to at it Biddy«
»I suppose I must catch it like a cough« said Biddy quietly and went on
with her sewing
Pursuing my idea as I leaned back in my wooden chair and looked at Biddy
sewing away with her head on one side I began to think her rather an
extraordinary girl For I called to mind now that she was equally accomplished
in the terms of our trade and the names of our different sorts of work and our
various tools In short whatever I knew Biddy knew Theoretically she was
already as good a blacksmith as I or better
»You are one of those Biddy« said I »who make the most of every chance
You never had a chance before you came here and see how improved you are«
Biddy looked at me for an instant and went on with her sewing »I was your
first teacher though wasnt I« said she as she sewed
»Biddy« I exclaimed in amazement »Why you are crying«
»No I am not« said Biddy looking up and laughing »What put that in your
head«
What could have put it in my head but the glistening of a tear as it
dropped on her work I sat silent recalling what a drudge she had been until
Mr Wopsles greataunt successfully overcame that bad habit of living so
highly desirable to be got rid of by some people I recalled the hopeless
circumstances by which she had been surrounded in the miserable little shop and
the miserable little noisy evening school with that miserable old bundle of
incompetence always to be dragged and shouldered I reflected that even in those
untoward times there must have been latent in Biddy what was now developing
for in my first uneasiness and discontent I had turned to her for help as a
matter of course Biddy sat quietly sewing shedding no more tears and while I
looked at her and thought about it all it occurred to me that perhaps I had not
been sufficiently grateful to Biddy I might have been too reserved and should
have patronised her more though I did not use that precise word in my
meditations with my confidence
»Yes Biddy« I observed when I had done turning it over »you were my
first teacher and that at a time when we little thought of ever being together
like this in this kitchen«
»Ah poor thing« replied Biddy It was like her selfforgetfulness to
transfer the remark to my sister and to get up and be busy about her making
her more comfortable »thats sadly true«
»Well« said I »we must talk together a little more as we used to do And
I must consult you a little more as I used to do Let us have a quiet walk on
the marshes next Sunday Biddy and a long chat«
My sister was never left alone now but Joe more than readily undertook the
care of her on that Sunday afternoon and Biddy and I went out together It was
summertime and lovely weather When we had passed the village and the church
and the churchyard and were out on the marshes and began to see the sails of
the ships as they sailed on I began to combine Miss Havisham and Estella with
the prospect in my usual way When we came to the riverside and sat down on the
bank with the water rippling at our feet making it all more quiet than it
would have been without that sound I resolved that it was a good time and place
for the admission of Biddy into my inner confidence
»Biddy« said I after binding her to secrecy »I want to be a gentleman«
»Oh I wouldnt if I was you« she returned »I dont think it would
answer«
»Biddy« said I with some severity »I have particular reasons for wanting
to be a gentleman«
»You know best Pip but dont you think you are happier as you are«
»Biddy« I exclaimed impatiently »I am not at all happy as I am I am
disgusted with my calling and with my life I have never taken to either since I
was bound Dont be absurd«
»Was I absurd« said Biddy quietly raising her eyebrows »I am sorry for
that I didnt mean to be I only want you to do well and be comfortable«
»Well then understand once for all that I never shall or can be
comfortable or anything but miserable there Biddy unless I can lead a
very different sort of life from the life I lead now«
»Thats a pity« said Biddy shaking her head with a sorrowful air
Now I too had so often thought it a pity that in the singular kind of
quarrel with myself which I was always carrying on I was half inclined to shed
tears of vexation and distress when Biddy gave utterance to her sentiment and my
own I told her she was right and I knew it was much to be regretted but still
it was not to be helped
»If I could have settled down« I said to Biddy plucking up the short grass
within reach much as I had once upon a time pulled my feelings out of my hair
and kicked them into the brewery well »if I could have settled down and been
but half as fond of the forge as I was when I was little I know it would have
been much better for me You and I and Joe would have wanted nothing then and
Joe and I would perhaps have gone partners when I was out of my time and I
might even have grown up to keep company with you and we might have sat on this
very bank on a fine Sunday quite different people I should have been good
enough for you shouldnt I Biddy«
Biddy sighed as she looked at the ships sailing on and returned for answer
»Yes I am not overparticular« It scarcely sounded flattering but I knew she
meant well
»Instead of that« said I plucking up more grass and chewing a blade or
two »see how I am going on Dissatisfied and uncomfortable and what would
it signify to me being coarse and common if nobody had told me so«
Biddy turned her face suddenly towards mine and looked far more attentively
at me than she had looked at the sailing ships
»It was neither a very true nor a very polite thing to say« she remarked
directing her eyes to the ships again »Who said it«
I was disconcerted for I had broken away without quite seeing where I was
going to It was not to be shuffled off now however and I answered »The
beautiful young lady at Miss Havishams and shes more beautiful than anybody
ever was and I admire her dreadfully and I want to be a gentleman on her
account« Having made this lunatic confession I began to throw my tornup grass
into the river as if I had some thoughts of following it
»Do you want to be a gentleman to spite her or to gain her over« Biddy
quietly asked me after a pause
»I dont know« I moodily answered
»Because if it is to spite her« Biddy pursued »I should think but you
know best that might be better and more independently done by caring nothing
for her words And if it is to gain her over I should think but you know best
she was not worth gaining over«
Exactly what I myself had thought many times Exactly what was perfectly
manifest to me at the moment But how could I a poor dazed village lad avoid
that wonderful inconsistency into which the best and wisest of men fall every
day
»It may be all quite true« said I to Biddy »but I admire her dreadfully«
In short I turned over on my face when I came to that and got a good grasp
on the hair on each side of my head and wrenched it well All the while
knowing the madness of my heart to be so very mad and misplaced that I was
quite conscious it would have served my face right if I had lifted it up by my
hair and knocked it against the pebbles as a punishment for belonging to such
an idiot
Biddy was the wisest of girls and she tried to reason no more with me She
put her hand which was a comfortable hand though roughened by work upon my
hands one after another and gently took them out of my hair Then she softly
patted my shoulder in a soothing way while with my face upon my sleeve I cried
a little exactly as I had done in the brewery yard and felt vaguely
convinced that I was very much illused by somebody or by everybody I cant
say which
»I am glad of one thing« said Biddy »and that is that you have felt you
could give me your confidence Pip And I am glad of another thing and that is
that of course you know you may depend upon my keeping it and always so far
deserving it If your first teacher dear such a poor one and so much in need
of being taught herself had been your teacher at the present time she thinks
she knows what lesson she would set But it would be a hard one to learn and
you have got beyond her and its of no use now« So with a quiet sigh for me
Biddy rose from the bank and said with a fresh and pleasant change of voice
»Shall we walk a little further or go home«
»Biddy« I cried getting up putting my arm around her neck and giving her
a kiss »I shall always tell you everything«
»Till youre a gentleman« said Biddy
»You know I never shall be so thats always Not that I have any occasion
to tell you anything for you know everything I know as I told you at home the
other night«
»Ah« said Biddy quite in a whisper as she looked away at the ships And
then repeated with her former pleasant change »Shall we walk a little further
or go home«
I said to Biddy we would walk a little further and we did so and the
summer afternoon toned down into the summer evening and it was very beautiful
I began to consider whether I was not more naturally and wholesomely situated
after all in these circumstances than playing beggar my neighbour by
candlelight in the room with the stopped clocks and being despised by Estella
I thought it would be very good for me if I could get her out of my head with
all the rest of those remembrances and fancies and could go to work determined
to relish what I had to do and stick to it and make the best of it I asked
myself the question whether I did not surely know that if Estella were beside me
at that moment instead of Biddy she would make me miserable I was obliged to
admit that I did know it for a certainty and I said to myself »Pip what a
fool you are«
We talked a good deal as we walked and all that Biddy said seemed right
Biddy was never insulting or capricious or Biddy today and somebody else
tomorrow she would have derived only pain and no pleasure from giving me
pain she would far rather have wounded her own breast than mine How could it
be then that I did not like her much the better of the two
»Biddy« said I when we were walking homeward »I wish you could put me
right«
»I wish I could« said Biddy
»If I could only get myself to fall in love with you you dont mind my
speaking so openly to such an old acquaintance«
»Oh dear not at all« said Biddy »Dont mind me«
»If I could only get myself to do it that would be the thing for me«
»But you never will you see« said Biddy
It did not appear quite so unlikely to me that evening as it would have
done if we had discussed it a few hours before I therefore observed I was not
quite sure of that But Biddy said she was and she said it decisively In my
heart I believed her to be right and yet I took it rather ill too that she
should be so positive on the point
When we came near the churchyard we had to cross an embankment and get
over a stile near a sluice gate There started up from the gate or from the
rushes or from the ooze which was quite in his stagnant way Old Orlick
»Halloa« he growled »where are you two going«
»Where should we be going but home«
»Well then« said he »Im jiggered if I dont see you home«
This penalty of being jiggered was a favourite supposititious case of his
He attached no definite meaning to the word that I am aware of but used it
like his own pretended Christian name to affront mankind and convey an idea of
something savagely damaging When I was younger I had had a general belief that
if he had jiggered me personally he would have done it with a sharp and twisted
hook
Biddy was much against his going with us and said to me in a whisper
»Dont let him come I dont like him« As I did not like him either I took the
liberty of saying that we thanked him but we didnt want seeing home He
received that piece of information with a yell of laughter and dropped back
but came slouching after us at a little distance
Curious to know whether Biddy suspected him of having had a hand in that
murderous attack of which my sister had never been able to give any account I
asked her why she did not like him
»Oh« she replied glancing over her shoulder as he slouched after us
»because I I am afraid he likes me«
»Did he ever tell you he liked you« I asked indignantly
»No« said Biddy glancing over her shoulder again »he never told me so
but he dances at me whenever he can catch my eye«
However novel and peculiar this testimony of attachment I did not doubt the
accuracy of the interpretation I was very hot indeed upon Old Orlicks daring
to admire her as hot as if it were an outrage on myself
»But it makes no difference to you you know« said Biddy calmly
»No Biddy it makes no difference to me only I dont like it I dont
approve of it«
»Nor I neither« said Biddy »Though that makes no difference to you«
»Exactly« said I »but I must tell you I should have no opinion of you
Biddy if he danced at you with your own consent«
I kept an eye on Orlick after that night and whenever circumstances were
favourable to his dancing at Biddy got before him to obscure that
demonstration He had struck root in Joes establishment by reason of my
sisters sudden fancy for him or I should have tried to get him dismissed He
quite understood and reciprocated my good intentions as I had reason to know
thereafter
And now because my mind was not confused enough before I complicated its
confusion fifty thousandfold by having states and seasons when I was clear
that Biddy was immeasurably better than Estella and that the plain honest
working life to which I was born had nothing in it to be ashamed of but offered
me sufficient means of selfrespect and happiness At those times I would
decide conclusively that my disaffection to dear old Joe and the forge was
gone and that I was growing up in a fair way to be partners with Joe and to
keep company with Biddy when all in a moment some confounding remembrance of
the Havisham days would fall upon me like a destructive missile and scatter my
wits again Scattered wits take a long time picking up and often before I had
got them well together they would be dispersed in all directions by one stray
thought that perhaps after all Miss Havisham was going to make my fortune when
my time was out
If my time had run out it would have left me still at the height of my
perplexities I dare say It never did run out however but was brought to a
premature end as I proceed to relate
Chapter XVIII
It was in the fourth year of my apprenticeship to Joe and it was a Saturday
night There was a group assembled round the fire at the Three Jolly Bargemen
attentive to Mr Wopsle as he read the newspaper aloud Of that group I was one
A highly popular murder had been committed and Mr Wopsle was imbrued in
blood to the eyebrows He gloated over every abhorrent adjective in the
description and identified himself with every witness at the Inquest He
faintly moaned »I am done for« as the victim and he barbarously bellowed
»Ill serve you out« as the murderer He gave the medical testimony in pointed
imitation of our local practitioner and he piped and shook as the aged
turnpikekeeper who had heard blows to an extent so very paralytic as to
suggest a doubt regarding the mental competency of that witness The coroner in
Mr Wopsles hands became Timon of Athens the beadle Coriolanus He enjoyed
himself thoroughly and we all enjoyed ourselves and were delightfully
comfortable In this cosy state of mind we came to the verdict of Wilful Murder
Then and not sooner I became aware of a strange gentleman leaning over the
back of the settle opposite me looking on There was an expression of contempt
on his face and he bit the side of a great forefinger as he watched the group
of faces
»Well« said the stranger to Mr Wopsle when the reading was done »you
have settled it all to your own satisfaction I have no doubt«
Everybody started and looked up as if it were the murderer He looked at
everybody coldly and sarcastically
»Guilty of course« said he »Out with it Come«
»Sir« returned Mr Wopsle »without having the honour of your acquaintance
I do say Guilty« Upon this we all took courage to unite in a confirmatory
murmur
»I know you do« said the stranger »I knew you would I told you so But
now Ill ask you a question Do you know or do you not know that the law of
England supposes every man to be innocent until he is proved proved to be
guilty«
»Sir« Mr Wopsle began to reply »as an Englishman myself I «
»Come« said the stranger biting his forefinger at him »Dont evade the
question Either you know it or you dont know it Which is it to be«
He stood with his head on one side and himself on one side in a bullying
interrogative manner and he threw his forefinger at Mr Wopsle as it were to
mark him out before biting it again
»Now« said he »Do you know it or dont you know it«
»Certainly I know it« replied Mr Wopsle
»Certainly you know it Then why didnt you say so at first Now Ill ask
you another question« taking possession of Mr Wopsle as if he had a right to
him »Do you know that none of these witnesses have yet been crossexamined«
Mr Wopsle was beginning »I can only say « when the stranger stopped him
»What You wont answer the question yes or no Now Ill try you again«
Throwing his finger at him again »Attend to me Are you aware or are you not
aware that none of these witnesses have yet been crossexamined Come I only
want one word from you Yes or no«
Mr Wopsle hesitated and we all began to conceive rather a poor opinion of
him
»Come« said the stranger »Ill help you You dont deserve help but Ill
help you Look at that paper you hold in your hand What is it«
»What is it« repeated Mr Wopsle eyeing it much at a loss
»Is it« pursued the stranger in his most sarcastic and suspicious manner
»the printed paper you have just been reading from«
»Undoubtedly«
»Undoubtedly Now turn to that paper and tell me whether it distinctly
states that the prisoner expressly said that his legal advisers instructed him
altogether to reserve his defence«
»I read that just now« Mr Wopsle pleaded
»Never mind what you read just now sir I dont ask you what you read just
now You may read the Lords Prayer backwards if you like and perhaps have
done it before today Turn to the paper No no no my friend not to the top
of the column you know better than that to the bottom to the bottom« We all
began to think Mr Wopsle full of subterfuge »Well Have you found it«
»Here it is« said Mr Wopsle
»Now follow that passage with your eye and tell me whether it distinctly
states that the prisoner expressly said that he was instructed by his legal
advisers wholly to reserve his defence Come Do you make that of it«
Mr Wopsle answered »Those are not the exact words«
»Not the exact words« repeated the gentleman bitterly »Is that the exact
substance«
»Yes« said Mr Wopsle
»Yes« repeated the stranger looking round at the rest of the company with
his right hand extended towards the witness Wopsle »And now I ask you what you
say to the conscience of that man who with that passage before his eyes can
lay his head upon his pillow after having pronounced a fellowcreature guilty
unheard«
We all began to suspect that Mr Wopsle was not the man we had thought him
and that he was beginning to be found out
»And that same man remember« pursued the gentleman throwing his finger at
Mr Wopsle heavily »that same man might be summoned as a juryman upon this very
trial and having thus deeply committed himself might return to the bosom of
his family and lay his head upon his pillow after deliberately swearing that he
would well and truly try the issue joined between Our Sovereign Lord the King
and the prisoner at the bar and would a true verdict give according to the
evidence so help him God«
We were all deeply persuaded that the unfortunate Wopsle had gone too far
and had better stop in his reckless career while there was yet time
The strange gentleman with an air of authority not to be disputed and with
a manner expressive of knowing something secret about every one of us that would
effectually do for each individual if he chose to disclose it left the back of
the settle and came into the space between the two settles in front of the
fire where he remained standing his left hand in his pocket and he biting the
forefinger of his right
»From information I have received« said he looking round at us as we all
quailed before him »I have reason to believe there is a blacksmith among you
by name Joseph or Joe Gargery Which is the man«
»Here is the man« said Joe
The strange gentleman beckoned him out of his place and Joe went
»You have an apprentice« pursued the stranger »commonly known as Pip Is
he here«
»I am here« I cried
The stranger did not recognise me but I recognised him as the gentleman I
had met on the stairs on the occasion of my second visit to Miss Havisham I
had known him the moment I saw him looking over the settle and now that I stood
confronting him with his hand upon my shoulder I checked off again in detail
his large head his dark complexion his deepset eyes his bushy black
eyebrows his large watchchain his strong black dots of beard and whisker and
even the smell of scented soap on his great hand
»I wish to have a private conference with you two« said he when he had
surveyed me at his leisure »It will take a little time Perhaps we had better
go to your place of residence I prefer not to anticipate my communication here
you will impart as much or as little of it as you please to your friends
afterwards I have nothing to do with that«
Amidst a wondering silence we three walked out of the Jolly Bargemen and
in a wondering silence walked home While going along the strange gentleman
occasionally looked at me and occasionally bit the side of his finger As we
neared home Joe vaguely acknowledging the occasion as an impressive and
ceremonious one went on ahead to open the front door Our conference was held
in the state parlour which was feebly lighted by one candle
It began with the strange gentlemans sitting down at the table drawing the
candle to him and looking over some entries in his pocketbook He then put up
the pocketbook and set the candle a little aside after peering round it into
the darkness at Joe and me to ascertain which was which
»My name« he said »is Jaggers and I am a lawyer in London I am pretty
well known I have unusual business to transact with you and I commence by
explaining that it is not of my originating If my advice had been asked I
should not have been here It was not asked and you see me here What I have to
do as the confidential agent of another I do No less no more«
Finding that he could not see us very well from where he sat he got up and
threw one leg over the back of a chair and leaned upon it thus having one foot
on the seat of a chair and one foot on the ground
»Now Joseph Gargery I am the bearer of an offer to relieve you of this
young fellow your apprentice You would not object to cancel his indentures at
his request and for his good You would want nothing for so doing«
»Lord forbid that I should want anything for not standing in Pips way«
said Joe staring
»Lord forbidding is pious but not to the purpose« returned Mr Jaggers
»The question is Would you want anything Do you want anything«
»The answer is« returned Joe sternly »No«
I thought Mr Jaggers glanced at Joe as if he considered him a fool for his
disinterestedness But I was too much bewildered between breathless curiosity
and surprise to be sure of it
»Very well« said Mr Jaggers »Recollect the admission you have made and
dont try to go from it presently«
»Whos agoing to try« retorted Joe
»I dont say anybody is Do you keep a dog«
»Yes I do keep a dog«
»Bear in mind then that Brag is a good dog but that Holdfast is a better
Bear that in mind will you« repeated Mr Jaggers shutting his eyes and
nodding his head at Joe as if he were forgiving him something »Now I return
to this young fellow And the communication I have got to make is that he has
Great Expectations«
Joe and I gasped and looked at one another
»I am instructed to communicate to him« said Mr Jaggers throwing his
finger at me sideways »that he will come into a handsome property Further
that it is the desire of the present possessor of that property that he be
immediately removed from his present sphere of life and from this place and be
brought up as a gentleman in a word as a young fellow of great expectations«
My dream was out my wild fancy was surpassed by sober reality Miss
Havisham was going to make my fortune on a grand scale
»Now Mr Pip« pursued the lawyer »I address the rest of what I have to
say to you You are to understand first that it is the request of the person
from whom I take my instructions that you always bear the name of Pip You will
have no objection I dare say to your great expectations being encumbered with
that easy condition But if you have any objection this is the time to mention
it«
My heart was beating so fast and there was such a singing in my ears that
I could scarcely stammer I had no objection
»I should think not Now you are to understand secondly Mr Pip that the
name of the person who is your liberal benefactor remains a profound secret
until the person chooses to reveal it I am empowered to mention that it is the
intention of the person to reveal it at first hand by word of mouth to yourself
When or where that intention may be carried out I cannot say no one can say
It may be years hence Now you are distinctly to understand that you are most
positively prohibited from making any inquiry on this head or any allusion or
reference however distant to any individual whomsoever as the individual in
all the communications you may have with me If you have a suspicion in your own
breast keep that suspicion in your own breast It is not the least to the
purpose what the reasons of this prohibition are they may be the strongest and
gravest reasons or they may be a mere whim This is not for you to inquire
into The condition is laid down Your acceptance of it and your observance of
it as binding is the only remaining condition that I am charged with by the
person from whom I take my instructions and for whom I am not otherwise
responsible That person is the person from whom you derive your expectations
and the secret is solely held by that person and by me Again not a very
difficult condition with which to encumber such a rise in fortune but if you
have any objection to it this is the time to mention it Speak out«
Once more I stammered with difficulty that I had no objection
»I should think not Now Mr Pip I have done with stipulations« Though he
called me Mr Pip and began rather to make up to me he still could not get rid
of a certain air of bullying suspicion and even now he occasionally shut his
eyes and threw his finger at me while he spoke as much as to express that he
knew all kinds of things to my disparagement if he only chose to mention them
»We come next to mere details of arrangement You must know that although I use
the term expectations more than once you are not endowed with expectations
only There is already lodged in my hands a sum of money amply sufficient for
your suitable education and maintenance You will please consider me your
guardian Oh« for I was going to thank him »I tell you at once I am paid for
my services or I shouldnt render them It is considered that you must be
better educated in accordance with your altered position and that you will be
alive to the importance and necessity of at once entering on that advantage«
I said I had always longed for it
»Never mind what you have always longed for Mr Pip« he retorted »keep to
the record If you long for it now thats enough Am I answered that you are
ready to be placed at once under some proper tutor Is that it«
I stammered yes that was it
»Good Now your inclinations are to be consulted I dont think that wise
mind but its my trust Have you ever heard of any tutor whom you would prefer
to another«
I had never heard of any tutor but Biddy and Mr Wopsles greataunt so I
replied in the negative
»There is a certain tutor of whom I have some knowledge who I think might
suit the purpose« said Mr Jaggers »I dont recommend him observe because I
never recommend anybody The gentleman I speak of is one Mr Matthew Pocket«
Ah I caught at the name directly Miss Havishams relation The Matthew
whom Mr and Mrs Camilla had spoken of The Matthew whose place was to be at
Miss Havishams head when she lay dead in her brides dress on the brides
table
»You know the name« said Mr Jaggers looking shrewdly at me and then
shutting up his eyes while he waited for my answer
My answer was that I had heard of the name
»Oh« said he »You have heard of the name But the question is what do you
say of it«
I said or tried to say that I was much obliged to him for his
recommendation
»No my young friend« he interrupted shaking his great head very slowly
»Recollect yourself«
Not recollecting myself I began again that I was much obliged to him for
his recommendation
»No my young friend« he interrupted shaking his head and frowning and
smiling both at once »no no no its very well done but it wont do you are
too young to fix me with it Recommendation is not the word Mr Pip Try
another«
Correcting myself I said that I was much obliged to him for his mention of
Mr Matthew Pocket
»Thats more like it« cried Mr Jaggers
And I added I would gladly try that gentleman
»Good You had better try him in his own house The way shall be prepared
for you and you can see his son first who is in London When will you come to
London«
I said glancing at Joe who stood looking on motionless that I supposed
I could come directly
»First« said Mr Jaggers »you should have some new clothes to come in and
they should not be working clothes Say this day week Youll want some money
Shall I leave you twenty guineas«
He produced a long purse with the greatest coolness and counted them out
on the table and pushed them over to me This was the first time he had taken
his leg from the chair He sat astride of the chair when he had pushed the money
over and sat swinging his purse and eyeing Joe
»Well Joseph Gargery You look dumbfoundered«
»I am« said Joe in a very decided manner
»It was understood that you wanted nothing for yourself remember«
»It were understood« said Joe »And it are understood And it ever will be
similar according«
»But what« said Mr Jaggers swinging his purse »what if it was in my
instructions to make you a present as compensation«
»As compensation what for« Joe demanded
»For the loss of his services«
Joe laid his hand upon my shoulder with the touch of a woman I have often
thought him since like the steamhammer that can crush a man or pat an
eggshell in his combination of strength with gentleness »Pip is that hearty
welcome« said Joe »to go free with his services to honour and fortun as no
words can tell him But if you think as Money can make compensation to me for
the loss of the little child what come to the forge and ever the best of
friends «
O dear good Joe whom I was so ready to leave and so unthankful to I see
you again with your muscular blacksmiths arm before your eyes and your broad
chest heaving and your voice dying away O dear good faithful tender Joe I
feel the loving tremble of your hand upon my arm as solemnly this day as if it
had been the rustle of an angels wing
But I encouraged Joe at the time I was lost in the mazes of my future
fortunes and could not retrace the bypaths we had trodden together I begged
Joe to be comforted for as he said we had ever been the best of friends and
as I said we ever would be so Joe scooped his eyes with his disengaged wrist
as if he were bent on gouging himself but said not another word
Mr Jaggers had looked on at this as one who recognised in Joe the village
idiot and in me his keeper When it was over he said weighing in his hand the
purse he had ceased to swing
»Now Joseph Gargery I warn you this is your last chance No half measures
with me If you mean to take a present that I have it in charge to make you
speak out and you shall have it If on the contrary you mean to say « Here to
his great amazement he was stopped by Joes suddenly working round him with
every demonstration of a fell pugilistic purpose
»Which I meantersay« cried Joe »that if you come into my place
bullbaiting and badgering me come out Which I meantersay as sech if youre a
man come on Which I meantersay that what I say I meantersay and stand or fall
by«
I drew Joe away and he immediately became placable merely stating to me
in an obliging manner and as a polite expostulatory notice to any one whom it
might happen to concern that he were not agoing to be bullbaited and badgered
in his own place Mr Jaggers had risen when Joe demonstrated and had backed
near the door Without evincing any inclination to come in again he there
delivered his valedictory remarks They were these
»Well Mr Pip I think the sooner you leave here as you are to be a
gentleman the better Let it stand for this day week and you shall receive my
printed address in the meantime You can take a hackneycoach at the stagecoach
office in London and come straight to me Understand that I express no opinion
one way or other on the trust I undertake I am paid for undertaking it and I
do so Now understand that finally Understand that«
He was throwing his finger at both of us and I think would have gone on
but for his seeming to think Joe dangerous and going off
Something came into my head which induced me to run after him as he was
going down to the Jolly Bargemen where he had left a hired carriage
»I beg your pardon Mr Jaggers«
»Holloa« said he facing round »whats the matter«
»I wish to be quite right Mr Jaggers and to keep to your directions so I
thought I had better ask Would there be any objection to my taking leave of any
one I know about here before I go away«
»No« said he looking as if he hardly understood me
»I dont mean in the village only but uptown«
»No« said he »No objection«
I thanked him and ran home again and there I found that Joe had already
locked the front door and vacated the state parlour and was seated by the
kitchen fire with a hand on each knee gazing intently at the burning coals I
too sat down before the fire and gazed at the coals and nothing was said for a
long time
My sister was in her cushioned chair in her corner and Biddy sat at her
needlework before the fire and Joe sat next Biddy and I sat next Joe in the
corner opposite my sister The more I looked into the glowing coals the more
incapable I became of looking at Joe the longer the silence lasted the more
unable I felt to speak
At length I got out »Joe have you told Biddy«
»No Pip« returned Joe still looking at the fire and holding his knees
tight as if he had private information that they intended to make off
somewhere »which I left it to yourself Pip«
»I would rather you told Joe«
»Pips a gentleman of fortun then« said Joe »and God bless him in it«
Biddy dropped her work and looked at me Joe held his knees and looked at
me I looked at both of them After a pause they both heartily congratulated me
but there was a certain touch of sadness in their congratulations that I rather
resented
I took it upon myself to impress Biddy and through Biddy Joe with the
grave obligation I considered my friends under to know nothing and say nothing
about the maker of my fortune It would all come out in good time I observed
and in the meanwhile nothing was to be said save that I had come into great
expectations from a mysterious patron Biddy nodded her head thoughtfully at the
fire as she took up her work again and said she would be very particular and
Joe still detaining his knees said »Ay ay Ill be ekervally partickler
Pip« and then they congratulated me again and went on to express so much
wonder at the notion of my being a gentleman that I didnt half like it
Infinite pains were then taken by Biddy to convey to my sister some idea of
what had happened To the best of my belief those efforts entirely failed She
laughed and nodded her head a great many times and even repeated after Biddy
the words Pip and Property But I doubt if they had more meaning in them than an
election cry and I cannot suggest a darker picture of her state of mind
I never could have believed it without experience but as Joe and Biddy
became more at their cheerful ease again I became quite gloomy Dissatisfied
with my fortune of course I could not be but it is possible that I may have
been without quite knowing it dissatisfied with myself
Anyhow I sat with my elbow on my knee and my face upon my hand looking
into the fire as those two talked about my going away and about what they
should do without me and all that And whenever I caught one of them looking at
me though never so pleasantly and they often looked at me particularly
Biddy I felt offended as if they were expressing some mistrust in me Though
Heaven knows they never did by word or sign
At those times I would get up and look out at the door for our kitchen door
opened at once upon the night and stood open on summer evenings to air the
room The very stars to which I then raised my eyes I am afraid I took to be
but poor and humble stars for glittering on the rustic objects among which I had
passed my life
»Saturday night« said I when we sat at our supper of breadandcheese and
beer »Five more days and then the day before the day Theyll soon go«
»Yes Pip« observed Joe whose voice sounded hollow in his beer mug
»Theyll soon go«
»Soon soon go« said Biddy
»I have been thinking Joe that when I go down town on Monday and order my
new clothes I shall tell the tailor that Ill come and put them on there or
that Ill have them sent to Mr Pumblechooks It would be very disagreeable to
be stared at by all the people here«
»Mr and Mrs Hubble might like to see you in your new genteel figure too
Pip« said Joe industriously cutting his bread with his cheese on it in the
palm of his left hand and glancing at my untasted supper as if he thought of
the time when we used to compare slices »So might Wopsle And the Jolly
Bargemen might take it as a compliment«
»Thats just what I dont want Joe They would make such a business of it
such a coarse and common business that I couldnt bear myself«
»Ah that indeed Pip« said Joe »If you couldnt abear yourself «
Biddy asked me here as she sat holding my sisters plate »Have you thought
about when youll show yourself to Mr Gargery and your sister and me You
will show yourself to us wont you«
»Biddy« I returned with some resentment »you are so exceedingly quick that
its difficult to keep up with you«
»She always were quick« observed Joe
»If you had waited another moment Biddy you would have heard me say that I
shall bring my clothes here in a bundle one evening most likely on the evening
before I go away«
Biddy said no more Handsomely forgiving her I soon exchanged an
affectionate goodnight with her and Joe and went up to bed When I got into my
little room I sat down and took a long look at it as a mean little room that I
should soon be parted from and raised above for ever It was furnished with
fresh young remembrances too and even at the same moment I fell into much the
same confused division of mind between it and the better rooms to which I was
going as I had been in so often between the forge and Miss Havishams and
Biddy and Estella
The sun had been shining brightly all day on the roof of my attic and the
room was warm As I put the window open and stood looking out I saw Joe come
slowly forth at the dark door below and take a turn or two in the air and then
I saw Biddy come and bring him a pipe and light it for him He never smoked so
late and it seemed to hint to me that he wanted comforting for some reason or
other
He presently stood at the door immediately beneath me smoking his pipe and
Biddy stood there too quietly talking to him and I knew that they talked of
me for I heard my name mentioned in an endearing tone by both of them more than
once I would not have listened for more if I could have heard more so I drew
away from the window and sat down in my one chair by the bedside feeling it
very sorrowful and strange that this first night of my bright fortunes should be
the loneliest I had ever known
Looking towards the open window I saw light wreaths from Joes pipe
floating there and I fancied it was like a blessing from Joe not obtruded on
me or paraded before me but pervading the air we shared together I put my
light out and crept into bed and it was an uneasy bed now and I never slept
the old sound sleep in it any more
Chapter XIX
Morning made a considerable difference in my general prospect of Life and
brightened it so much that it scarcely seemed the same What lay heaviest on my
mind was the consideration that six days intervened between me and the day of
departure for I could not divest myself of a misgiving that something might
happen to London in the meanwhile and that when I got there it might be
either greatly deteriorated or clean gone
Joe and Biddy were very sympathetic and pleasant when I spoke of our
approaching separation but they only referred to it when I did After
breakfast Joe brought out my indentures from the press in the best parlour and
we put them in the fire and I felt that I was free With all the novelty of my
emancipation on me I went to church with Joe and thought perhaps the
clergyman wouldnt have read that about the rich man and the kingdom of Heaven
if he had known all
After our early dinner I strolled out alone proposing to finish off the
marshes at once and get them done with As I passed the church I felt as I
had felt during service in the morning a sublime compassion for the poor
creatures who were destined to go there Sunday after Sunday all their lives
through and to lie obscurely at last among the low green mounds I promised
myself that I would do something for them one of these days and formed a plan
in outline for bestowing a dinner of roastbeef and plumpudding a pint of ale
and a gallon of condescension upon everybody in the village
If I had often thought before with something allied to shame of my
companionship with the fugitive whom I had once seen limping among those graves
what were my thoughts on this Sunday when the place recalled the wretch ragged
and shivering with his felon iron and badge My comfort was that it happened a
long time ago and that he had doubtless been transported a long way off and
that he was dead to me and might be veritably dead into the bargain
No more low wet grounds no more dykes and sluices no more of these grazing
cattle though they seemed in their dull manner to wear a more respectful air
now and to face round in order that they might stare as long as possible at
the possessor of such great expectations farewell monotonous acquaintances of
my childhood henceforth I was for London and greatness not for smiths work in
general and for you I made my exultant way to the old Battery and lying down
there to consider the question whether Miss Havisham intended me for Estella
fell asleep
When I awoke I was much surprised to find Joe sitting beside me smoking
his pipe He greeted me with a cheerful smile on my opening my eyes and said
»As being the last time Pip I thought Id foller«
»And Joe I am very glad you did so«
»Thankee Pip«
»You may be sure dear Joe« I went on after we had shaken hands »that I
shall never forget you«
»No no Pip« said Joe in a comfortable tone »Im sure of that Ay ay
old chap Bless you it were only necessary to get it well round in a mans
mind to be certain on it But it took a bit of time to get it well round the
change come so oncommon plump didnt it«
Somehow I was not best pleased with Joes being so mightily secure of me I
should have liked him to have betrayed emotion or to have said »It does you
credit Pip« or something of that sort Therefore I made no remark on Joes
first head merely saying as to his second that the tidings had indeed come
suddenly but that I had always wanted to be a gentleman and had often and
often speculated on what I would do if I were one
»Have you though« said Joe »Astonishing«
»Its a pity now Joe« said I »that you did not get on a little more when
we had our lessons here isnt it«
»Well I dont know« returned Joe »Im so awful dull Im only master of
my own trade It were always a pity as I was so awful dull but its no more of
a pity now than it was this day twelvemonth dont you see«
What I had meant was that when I came into my property and was able to do
something for Joe it would have been much more agreeable if he had been better
qualified for a rise in station He was so perfectly innocent of my meaning
however that I thought I would mention it to Biddy in preference
So when we had walked home and had had tea I took Biddy into our little
garden by the side of the lane and after throwing out in a general way for the
elevation of her spirits that I should never forget her said I had a favour to
ask of her
»And it is Biddy« said I »that you will not omit any opportunity of
helping Joe on a little«
»How helping him on« asked Biddy with a steady sort of glance
»Well Joe is a dear good fellow in fact I think he is the dearest fellow
that ever lived but he is rather backward in some things For instance Biddy
in his learning and his manners«
Although I was looking at Biddy as I spoke and although she opened her eyes
very wide when I had spoken she did not look at me
»Oh his manners wont his manners do then« asked Biddy plucking a
blackcurrant leaf
»My dear Biddy they do very well here «
»Oh they do very well here« interrupted Biddy looking closely at the leaf
in her hand
»Hear me out but if I were to remove Joe into a higher sphere as I shall
hope to remove him when I fully come into my property they would hardly do him
justice«
»And dont you think he knows that« asked Biddy
It was such a provoking question for it had never in the most distant
manner occurred to me that I said snappishly »Biddy what do you mean«
Biddy having rubbed the leaf to pieces between her hands and the smell of
a blackcurrant bush has ever since recalled to me that evening in the little
garden by the side of the lane said »Have you never considered that he may be
proud«
»Proud« I repeated with disdainful emphasis
»Oh there are many kinds of pride« said Biddy looking full at me and
shaking her head »pride is not all of one kind «
»Well What are you stopping for« said I
»Not all of one kind« resumed Biddy »He may be too proud to let any one
take him out of a place that he is competent to fill and fills well and with
respect To tell you the truth I think he is though it sounds bold in me to
say so for you must know him far better than I do«
»Now Biddy« said I »I am very sorry to see this in you I did not expect
to see this in you You are envious Biddy and grudging You are dissatisfied
on account of my rise in fortune and you cant help showing it«
»If you have the heart to think so« returned Biddy »say so Say so over
and over again if you have the heart to think so«
»If you have the heart to be so you mean Biddy« said I in a virtuous and
superior tone »dont put it off upon me I am very sorry to see it and its a
its a bad side of human nature I did intend to ask you to use any little
opportunities you might have after I was gone of improving dear Joe But after
this I ask you nothing I am extremely sorry to see this in you Biddy« I
repeated »Its a its a bad side of human nature«
»Whether you scold me or approve of me« returned poor Biddy »you may
equally depend upon my trying to do all that lies in my power here at all
times And whatever opinion you take away of me shall make no difference in my
remembrance of you Yet a gentleman should not be unjust neither« said Biddy
turning away her head
I again warmly repeated that it was a bad side of human nature in which
sentiment waiving its application I have since seen reason to think I was
right and I walked down the little path away from Biddy and Biddy went into
the house and I went out at the garden gate and took a dejected stroll until
suppertime again feeling it very sorrowful and strange that this the second
night of my bright fortunes should be as lonely and unsatisfactory as the
first
But morning once more brightened my view and I extended my clemency to
Biddy and we dropped the subject Putting on the best clothes I had I went
into town as early as I could hope to find the shops open and presented myself
before Mr Trabb the tailor who was having his breakfast in the parlour behind
his shop and who did not think it worth his while to come out to me but called
me in to him
»Well« said Mr Trabb in a hailfellowwellmet kind of way »How are you
and what can I do for you«
Mr Trabb had sliced his hot rolls into three feather beds and was slipping
butter in between the blankets and covering it up He was a prosperous old
bachelor and his open window looked into a prosperous little garden and
orchard and there was a prosperous iron safe let into the wall at the side of
his fireplace and I did not doubt that heaps of his prosperity were put away in
it in bags
»Mr Trabb« said I »its an unpleasant thing to have to mention because
it looks like boasting but I have come into a handsome property«
A change passed over Mr Trabb He forgot the butter in bed got up from the
bedside and wiped his fingers on the tablecloth exclaiming »Lord bless my
soul«
»I am going up to my guardian in London« said I casually drawing some
guineas out of my pocket and looking at them »and I want a fashionable suit of
clothes to go in I wish to pay for them« I added otherwise I thought he
might only pretend to make them »with ready money«
»My dear sir« said Mr Trabb as he respectfully bent his body opened his
arms and took the liberty of touching me on the outside of each elbow »dont
hurt me by mentioning that May I venture to congratulate you Would you do me
the favour of stepping into the shop«
Mr Trabbs boy was the most audacious boy in all that countryside When I
had entered he was sweeping the shop and he had sweetened his labours by
sweeping over me He was still sweeping when I came out into the shop with Mr
Trabb and he knocked the broom against all possible corners and obstacles to
express as I understood it equality with any blacksmith alive or dead
»Hold that noise« said Mr Trabb with the greatest sternness »or Ill
knock your head off Do me the favour to be seated sir Now this« said Mr
Trabb taking down a roll of cloth and tiding it out in a flowing manner over
the counter preparatory to getting his hand under it to show the gloss »is a
very sweet article I can recommend it for your purpose sir because it really
is extra super But you shall see some others Give me Number Four you« To
the boy and with a dreadfully severe stare foreseeing the danger of that
miscreants brushing me with it or making some other sign of familiarity
Mr Trabb never removed his stern eye from the boy until he had deposited
number four on the counter and was at a safe distance again Then he commanded
him to bring number five and number eight »And let me have none of your tricks
here« said Mr Trabb »or you shall repent it you young scoundrel the longest
day you have to live«
Mr Trabb then bent over number four and in a sort of deferential
confidence recommended it to me as a light article for summer wear an article
much in vogue among the nobility and gentry an article that it would ever be an
honour to him to reflect upon a distinguished fellowtownsmans if he might
claim me for a fellowtownsman having worn »Are you bringing numbers five and
eight you vagabond« said Mr Trabb to the boy after that »or shall I kick you
out of the shop and bring them myself«
I selected the materials for a suit with the assistance of Mr Trabbs
judgment and reentered the parlour to be measured For although Mr Trabb had
my measure already and had previously been quite contented with it he said
apologetically that it »wouldnt do under existing circumstances sir wouldnt
do at all« So Mr Trabb measured and calculated me in the parlour as if I
were an estate and he the finest species of surveyor and gave himself such a
world of trouble that I felt that no suit of clothes could possibly remunerate
him for his pains When he had at last done and had appointed to send the
articles to Mr Pumblechooks on the Thursday evening he said with his hand
upon the parlour lock »I know sir that London gentlemen cannot be expected to
patronise local work as a rule but if you would give me a turn now and then in
the quality of a townsman I should greatly esteem it Good morning sir much
obliged Door«
The last word was flung at the boy who had not the least notion what it
meant But I saw him collapse as his master rubbed me out with his hands and my
first decided experience of the stupendous power of money was that it had
morally laid upon his back Trabbs boy
After this memorable event I went to the hatters and the bootmakers and
the hosiers and felt rather like Mother Hubbards dog whose outfit required
the services of so many trades I also went to the coachoffice and took my
place for seven oclock on Saturday morning It was not necessary to explain
everywhere that I had come into a handsome property but whenever I said
anything to that effect it followed that the officiating tradesman ceased to
have his attention diverted through the window by the Highstreet and
concentrated his mind upon me When I had ordered everything I wanted I
directed my steps towards Pumblechooks and as I approached that gentlemans
place of business I saw him standing at his door
He was waiting for me with great impatience He had been out early with the
chaisecart and had called at the forge and heard the news He had prepared a
collation for me in the Barnwell parlour and he too ordered his shopman to come
out of the gangway as my sacred person passed
»My dear friend« said Mr Pumblechook taking me by both hands when he and
I and the collation were alone »I give you joy of your good fortune Well
deserved well deserved«
This was coming to the point and I thought it a sensible way of expressing
himself
»To think« said Mr Pumblechook after snorting admiration at me for some
moments »that I should have been the humble instrument of leading up to this
is a proud reward«
I begged Mr Pumblechook to remember that nothing was to be ever said or
hinted on that point
»My dear young friend« said Mr Pumblechook »if you will allow me to call
you so «
I murmured »Certainly« and Mr Pumblechook took me by both hands again and
communicated a movement to his waistcoat which had an emotional appearance
though it was rather low down »My dear young friend rely upon my doing my
little all in your absence by keeping the fact before the mind of Joseph
Joseph« said Mr Pumblechook in the way of a compassionate adjuration
»Joseph Joseph« Thereupon he shook his head and tapped it expressing his
sense of deficiency in Joseph
»But my dear young friend« said Mr Pumblechook »you must be hungry you
must be exhausted Be seated Here is a chicken had round from the Boar here is
a tongue had round from the Boar heres one or two little things had round from
the Boar that I hope you may not despise But do I« said Mr Pumblechook
getting up again the moment after he had sat down »see afore me him as I ever
sported with in his times of happy infancy And may I may I «
This May I meant might he shake hands I consented and he was fervent and
then sat down again
»Here is wine« said Mr Pumblechook »Let us drink Thanks to Fortune and
may she ever pick out her favourites with equal judgment And yet I cannot«
said Mr Pumblechook getting up again »see afore me One and likewise drink
to One without again expressing May I may I «
I said he might and he shook hands with me again and emptied his glass and
turned it upside down I did the same and if I had turned myself upside down
before drinking the wine could not have gone more direct to my head
Mr Pumblechook helped me to the liver wing and to the best slice of tongue
none of those outoftheway No Thoroughfares of Pork now and took
comparatively speaking no care of himself at all »Ah poultry poultry You
little thought« said Mr Pumblechook apostrophising the fowl in the dish
»when you was a young fledgling what was in store for you You little thought
you was to be refreshment beneath this humble roof for one as Call it a
weakness if you will« said Mr Pumblechook getting up again »but may I may
I «
It began to be unnecessary to repeat the form of saying he might so he did
it at once How he ever did it so often without wounding himself with my knife
I dont know
»And your sister« he resumed after a little steady eating »which had the
honour of bringing you up by hand Its a sad picter to reflect that shes no
longer equal to fully understanding the honour May «
I saw he was about to come at me again and I stopped him
»Well drink her health« said I
»Ah« cried Mr Pumblechook leaning back in his chair quite flaccid with
admiration »thats the way you know em sir« I dont know who Sir was but
he certainly was not I and there was no third person present »thats the way
you know the nobleminded sir Ever forgiving and ever affable It might« said
the servile Pumblechook putting down his untasted glass in a hurry and getting
up again »to a common person have the appearance of repeating but may I «
When he had done it he resumed his seat and drank to my sister »Let us
never be blind« said Mr Pumblechook »to her faults of temper but it is to be
hoped she meant well«
At about this time I began to observe that he was getting flushed in the
face as to myself I felt all face steeped in wine and smarting
I mentioned to Mr Pumblechook that I wished to have my new clothes sent to
his house and he was ecstatic on my so distinguishing him I mentioned my
reason for desiring to avoid observation in the village and he lauded it to the
skies There was nobody but himself he intimated worthy of my confidence and
in short might he Then he asked me tenderly if I remembered our boyish games
at sums and how we had gone together to have me bound apprentice and in
effect how he had ever been my favourite fancy and my chosen friend If I had
taken ten times as many glasses of wine as I had I should have known that he
never had stood in that relation towards me and should in my heart of hearts
have repudiated the idea Yet for all that I remember feeling convinced that I
had been much mistaken in him and that he was a sensible practical goodhearted
prime fellow
By degrees he fell to reposing such great confidence in me as to ask my
advice in reference to his own affairs He mentioned that there was an
opportunity for a great amalgamation and monopoly of the corn and seed trade on
those premises if enlarged such as had never occurred before in that or any
other neighbourhood What alone was wanting to the realisation of a vast
fortune he considered to be More Capital Those were the two little words more
capital Now it appeared to him Pumblechook that if that capital were got into
the business through a sleeping partner sir which sleeping partner would
have nothing to do but walk in by self or deputy whenever he pleased and
examine the books and walk in twice a year and take his profits away in his
pocket to the tune of fifty per cent it appeared to him that that might be
an opening for a young gentleman of spirit combined with property which would
be worthy of his attention But what did I think He had great confidence in my
opinion and what did I think I gave it as my opinion »Wait a bit« The united
vastness and distinctness of this view so struck him that he no longer asked me
if he might shake hands with me but said he really must and did
We drank all the wine and Mr Pumblechook pledged himself over and over
again to keep Joseph up to the mark I dont know what mark and to render me
efficient and constant service I dont know what service He also made known
to me for the first time in my life and certainly after having kept his secret
wonderfully well that he had always said of me »That boy is no common boy and
mark me his fortun will be no common fortun« He said with a tearful smile
that it was a singular thing to think of now and I said so too Finally I went
out into the air with a dim perception that there was something unwonted in the
conduct of the sunshine and found that I had slumberously got to the turnpike
without having taken any account of the road
There I was roused by Mr Pumblechooks hailing me He was a long way down
the sunny street and was making expressive gestures for me to stop I stopped
and he came up breathless
»No my dear friend« said he when he had recovered wind for speech »Not
if I can help it This occasion shall not entirely pass without that affability
on your part May I as an old friend and wellwisher May I«
We shook hands for the hundredth time at least and he ordered a young
carter out of my way with the greatest indignation Then he blessed me and
stood waving his hand to me until I had passed the crook in the road and then I
turned into a field and had a long nap under a hedge before I pursued my way
home
I had scant luggage to take with me to London for little of the little I
possessed was adapted to my new station But I began packing that same
afternoon and wildly packed up things that I knew I should want next morning
in a fiction that there was not a moment to be lost
So Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday passed and on Friday morning I went
to Mr Pumblechooks to put on my new clothes and pay my visit to Miss
Havisham Mr Pumblechooks own room was given up to me to dress in and was
decorated with clean towels expressly for the event My clothes were rather a
disappointment of course Probably every new and eagerly expected garment ever
put on since clothes came in fell a trifle short of the wearers expectation
But after I had had my new suit on some half an hour and had gone through an
immensity of posturing with Mr Pumblechooks very limited dressingglass in
the futile endeavour to see my legs it seemed to fit me better It being market
morning at a neighbouring town some ten miles off Mr Pumblechook was not at
home I had not told him exactly when I meant to leave and was not likely to
shake hands with him again before departing This was all as it should be and I
went out in my new array fearfully ashamed of having to pass the shopman and
suspicious after all that I was at a personal disadvantage something like Joes
in his Sunday suit
I went circuitously to Miss Havishams by all the back ways and rang at the
bell constrainedly on account of the stiff long fingers of my gloves Sarah
Pocket came to the gate and positively reeled back when she saw me so changed
her walnutshell countenance likewise turned from brown to green and yellow
»You« said she »You Good gracious What do you want«
»I am going to London Miss Pocket« said I »and want to say goodbye to
Miss Havisham«
I was not expected for she left me locked in the yard while she went to
ask if I were to be admitted After a very short delay she returned and took me
up staring at me all the way
Miss Havisham was taking exercise in the room with the long spread table
leaning on her crutch stick The room was lighted as of yore and at the sound
of her entrance she stopped and turned She was then just abreast of the rotted
bridecake
»Dont go Sarah« she said »Well Pip«
»I start for London Miss Havisham tomorrow« I was exceedingly careful
what I said »and I thought you would kindly not mind my taking leave of you«
»This is a gay figure Pip« said she making her crutch stick play round
me as if she the fairy godmother who had changed me were bestowing the
finishing gift
»I have come into such good fortune since I saw you last Miss Havisham« I
murmured »And I am so grateful for it Miss Havisham«
»Ay ay« said she looking at the discomfited and envious Sarah with
delight »I have seen Mr Jaggers I have heard about it Pip So you go
tomorrow«
»Yes Miss Havisham«
»And you are adopted by a rich person«
»Yes Miss Havisham«
»Not named«
»No Miss Havisham«
»And Mr Jaggers is made your guardian«
»Yes Miss Havisham«
She quite gloated on these questions and answers so keen was her enjoyment
of Sarah Pockets jealous dismay »Well« she went on »you have a promising
career before you Be good deserve it and abide by Mr Jaggerss
instructions« She looked at me and looked at Sarah and Sarahs countenance
wrung out of her watchful face a cruel smile »Goodbye Pip you will always
keep the name of Pip you know«
»Yes Miss Havisham«
»Goodbye Pip«
She stretched out her hand and I went down on my knee and put it to my
lips I had not considered how I should take leave of her it came naturally to
me at the moment to do this She looked at Sarah Pocket with triumph in her
weird eyes and so I left my fairy godmother with both her hands on her crutch
stick standing in the midst of the dimly lighted room beside the rotten
bridecake that was hidden in cobwebs
Sarah Pocket conducted me down as if I were a ghost who must be seen out
She could not get over my appearance and was in the last degree confounded I
said »Goodbye Miss Pocket« but she merely stared and did not seem collected
enough to know that I had spoken Clear of the house I made the best of my way
back to Pumblechooks took off my new clothes made them into a bundle and
went back home in my older dress carrying it to speak the truth much more
at my ease too though I had the bundle to carry
And now those six days which were to have run out so slowly had run out
fast and were gone and tomorrow looked me in the face more steadily than I
could look at it As the six evenings had dwindled away to five to four to
three to two I had become more and more appreciative of the society of Joe and
Biddy On this last evening I dressed myself out in my new clothes for their
delight and sat in my splendour until bedtime We had a hot supper on the
occasion graced by the inevitable roast fowl and we had some flip to finish
with We were all very low and none the higher for pretending to be in spirits
I was to leave our village at five in the morning carrying my little
handportmanteau and I had told Joe that I wished to walk away all alone I am
afraid sore afraid that this purpose originated in my sense of the contrast
there would be between me and Joe if we went to the coach together I had
pretended with myself that there was nothing of this taint in the arrangement
but when I went up to my little room on this last night I felt compelled to
admit that it might be done so and had an impulse upon me to go down again and
entreat Joe to walk with me in the morning I did not
All night there were coaches in my broken sleep going to wrong places
instead of to London and having in the traces now dogs now cats now pigs
now men never horses Fantastic failures of journeys occupied me until the day
dawned and the birds were singing Then I got up and partly dressed and sat at
the window to take a last look out and in taking it fell asleep
Biddy was astir so early to get my breakfast that although I did not sleep
at the window an hour I smelt the smoke of the kitchen fire when I started up
with a terrible idea that it must be late in the afternoon But long after that
and long after I heard the clinking of the teacups and was quite ready I wanted
the resolution to go downstairs After all I remained up there repeatedly
unlocking and unstrapping my small portmanteau and locking and strapping it up
again until Biddy called to me that I was late
It was a hurried breakfast with no taste in it I got up from the meal
saying with a sort of briskness as if it had only just occurred to me »Well I
suppose I must be off« and then I kissed my sister who was laughing and
nodding and shaking in her usual chair and kissed Biddy and threw my arms
around Joes neck Then I took up my little portmanteau and walked out The last
I saw of them was when I presently heard a scuffle behind me and looking back
saw Joe throwing an old shoe after me and Biddy throwing another old shoe I
stopped then to wave my hat and dear old Joe waved his strong right arm above
his head crying huskily »Hooroar« and Biddy put her apron to her face
I walked away at a good pace thinking it was easier to go than I had
supposed it would be and reflecting that it would never have done to have an
old shoe thrown after the coach in sight of all the Highstreet I whistled and
made nothing of going But the village was very peaceful and quiet and the
light mists were solemnly rising as if to show me the world and I had been so
innocent and little there and all beyond was so unknown and great that in a
moment with a strong heave and sob I broke into tears It was by the fingerpost
at the end of the village and I laid my hand upon it and said »Goodbye O my
dear dear friend«
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears for they are rain upon
the blinding dust of earth overlying our hard hearts I was better after I had
cried than before more sorry more aware of my own ingratitude more gentle
If I had cried before I should have had Joe with me then
So subdued I was by those tears and by their breaking out again in the
course of the quiet walk that when I was on the coach and it was clear of the
town I deliberated with an aching heart whether I would not get down when we
changed horses and walk back and have another evening at home and a better
parting We changed and I had not made up my mind and still reflected for my
comfort that it would be quite practicable to get down and walk back when we
changed again And while I was occupied with those deliberations I would fancy
an exact resemblance to Joe in some man coming along the road towards us and my
heart would beat high As if he could possibly be there
We changed again and yet again and it was now too late and too far to go
back and I went on And the mists had all solemnly risen now and the world lay
spread before me
This Is the End of the First Stage of Pips Expectations
Chapter XX
The journey from our town to the metropolis was a journey of about five hours
It was a little past midday when the fourhorse stagecoach by which I was a
passenger got into the ravel of traffic frayed out about the Cross Keys
Woodstreet Cheapside London
We Britons had at that time particularly settled that it was treasonable to
doubt our having and our being the best of everything otherwise while I was
scared by the immensity of London I think I might have had some faint doubts
whether it was not rather ugly crooked narrow and dirty
Mr Jaggers had duly sent me his address it was Little Britain and he had
written after it on his card »just out of Smithfield and close by the
coachoffice« Nevertheless a hackneycoachman who seemed to have as many
capes to his greasy greatcoat as he was years old packed me up in his coach
and hemmed me in with a folding and jingling barrier of steps as if he were
going to take me fifty miles His getting on his box which I remember to have
been decorated with an old weatherstained peagreen hammercloth motheaten
into rags was quite a work of time It was a wonderful equipage with six great
coronets outside and ragged things behind for I dont know how many footmen to
hold on by and a harrow below them to prevent amateur footmen from yielding to
the temptation
I had scarcely had time to enjoy the coach and to think how like a
strawyard it was and yet how like a ragshop and to wonder why the horses
nosebags were kept inside when I observed the coachman beginning to get down
as if we were going to stop presently And stop we presently did in a gloomy
street at certain offices with an open door whereon was painted MR JAGGERS
»How much« I asked the coachman
The coachman answered »A shilling unless you wish to make it more«
I naturally said I had no wish to make it more
»Then it must be a shilling« observed the coachman »I dont want to get
into trouble I know him« He darkly closed an eye at Mr Jaggerss name and
shook his head
When he had got his shilling and had in course of time completed the ascent
to his box and had got away which appeared to relieve his mind I went into
the front office with my little portmanteau in my hand and asked was Mr
Jaggers at home
»He is not« returned the clerk »He is in Court at present Am I addressing
Mr Pip«
I signified that he was addressing Mr Pip
»Mr Jaggers left word would you wait in his room He couldnt say how long
he might be having a case on But it stands to reason his time being valuable
that he wont be longer than he can help«
With those words the clerk opened a door and ushered me into an inner
chamber at the back Here we found a gentleman with one eye in a velveteen suit
and kneebreeches who wiped his nose with his sleeve on being interrupted in
the perusal of the newspaper
»Go and wait outside Mike« said the clerk
I began to say that I hoped I was not interrupting when the clerk shoved
this gentleman out with as little ceremony as I ever saw used and tossing his
fur cap out after him left me alone
Mr Jaggerss room was lighted by a skylight only and was a most dismal
place the skylight eccentrically patched like a broken head and the distorted
adjoining houses looking as if they had twisted themselves to peep down at me
through it There were not so many papers about as I should have expected to
see and there were some odd objects about that I should not have expected to
see such as an old rusty pistol a sword in a scabbard several
strangelooking boxes and packages and two dreadful casts on a shelf of faces
peculiarly swollen and twitchy about the nose Mr Jaggerss own highbacked
chair was of deadly black horsehair with rows of brass nails round it like a
coffin and I fancied I could see how he leaned back in it and bit his
forefinger at the clients The room was but small and the clients seemed to
have had a habit of backing up against the wall the wall especially opposite
to Mr Jaggerss chair being greasy with shoulders I recalled too that the
oneeyed gentleman had shuffled forth against the wall when I was the innocent
cause of his being turned out
I sat down in the cliental chair placed over against Mr Jaggerss chair
and became fascinated by the dismal atmosphere of the place I called to mind
that the clerk had the same air of knowing something to everybody elses
disadvantage as his master had I wondered how many other clerks there were
upstairs and whether they all claimed to have the same detrimental mastery of
their fellowcreatures I wondered what was the history of all the odd litter
about the room and how it came there I wondered whether the two swollen faces
were of Mr Jaggerss family and if he were so unfortunate as to have had a
pair of such illlooking relations why he stuck them on that dusty perch for
the blacks and flies to settle on instead of giving them a place at home Of
course I had no experience of a London summer day and my spirits may have been
oppressed by the hot exhausted air and by the dust and grit that lay thick on
everything But I sat wondering and waiting in Mr Jaggerss close room until I
really could not bear the two casts on the shelf above Mr Jaggerss chair and
got up and went out
When I told the clerk that I would take a turn in the air while I waited he
advised me to go round the corner and I should come into Smithfield So I came
into Smithfield and the shameful place being all asmear with filth and fat and
blood and foam seemed to stick to me So I rubbed it off with all possible
speed by turning into a street where I saw the great black dome of Saint Pauls
bulging at me from behind a grim stone building which a bystander said was
Newgate Prison Following the wall of the jail I found the roadway covered with
straw to deaden the noise of passing vehicles and from this and from the
quantity of people standing about smelling strongly of spirits and beer I
inferred that the trials were on
While I looked about me here an exceedingly dirty and partially drunk
minister of justice asked me if I would like to step in and hear a trial or so
informing me that he could give me a front place for halfacrown whence I
should command a full view of the Lord Chief Justice in his wig and robes
mentioning that awful personage like waxwork and presently offering him at the
reduced price of eighteenpence As I declined the proposal on the plea of an
appointment he was so good as to take me into a yard and show me where the
gallows was kept and also where people were publicly whipped and then he
showed me the Debtors Door out of which culprits came to be hanged
heightening the interest of that dreadful portal by giving me to understand that
four on em would come out at that door the day after tomorrow at eight in the
morning to be killed in a row This was horrible and gave me a sickening idea
of London the more so as the Lord Chief Justices proprietor wore from his hat
down to his boots and up again to his pockethandkerchief inclusive mildewed
clothes which had evidently not belonged to him originally and which I took
it into my head he had bought cheap of the executioner Under these
circumstances I thought myself well rid of him for a shilling
I dropped into the office to ask if Mr Jaggers had come in yet and I found
he had not and I strolled out again This time I made the tour of Little
Britain and turned into Bartholomew Close and now I became aware that other
people were waiting about for Mr Jaggers as well as I There were two men of
secret appearance lounging in Bartholomew Close and thoughtfully fitting their
feet into the cracks of the pavement as they talked together one of whom said
to the other when they first passed me that »Jaggers would do it if it was to
be done« There was a knot of three men and two women standing at a corner and
one of the women was crying on her dirty shawl and the other comforted her by
saying as she pulled her own shawl over her shoulders »Jaggers is for him
Melia and what more could you have« There was a redeyed little Jew who came
into the Close while I was loitering there in company with a second little Jew
whom he sent upon an errand and while the messenger was gone I remarked this
Jew who was of a highly excitable temperament performing a jig of anxiety
under a lamppost and accompanying himself in a kind of frenzy with the
words »Oh Jaggerth Jaggerth Jaggerth all otherth ith CagMaggerth give me
Jaggerth« These testimonies to the popularity of my guardian made a deep
impression on me and I admired and wondered more than ever
At length as I was looking out at the iron gate of Bartholomew Close into
Little Britain I saw Mr Jaggers coming across the road towards me All the
others who were waiting saw him at the same time and there was quite a rush at
him Mr Jaggers putting a hand on my shoulder and walking me on at his side
without saying anything to me addressed himself to his followers
First he took the two secret men
»Now I have nothing to say to you« said Mr Jaggers throwing his finger
at them »I want to know no more than I know As to the result its a tossup
I told you from the first it was a tossup Have you paid Wemmick«
»We made the money up this morning sir« said one of the men submissively
while the other perused Mr Jaggerss face
»I dont ask you when you made it up or where or whether you made it up at
all Has Wemmick got it«
»Yes sir« said both the men together
»Very well then you may go Now I wont have it« said Mr Jaggers waving
his hand at them to put them behind him »If you say a word to me Ill throw up
the case«
»We thought Mr Jaggers « one of the men began pulling off his hat
»Thats what I told you not to do« said Mr Jaggers »You thought I think
for you thats enough for you If I want you I know where to find you I dont
want you to find me Now I wont have it I wont hear a word«
The two men looked at one another as Mr Jaggers waved them behind again
and humbly fell back and were heard no more
»And now you« said Mr Jaggers suddenly stopping and turning on the two
women with the shawls from whom the three men had meekly separated »Oh
Amelia is it«
»Yes Mr Jaggers«
»And do you remember« retorted Mr Jaggers »that but for me you wouldnt
be here and couldnt be here«
»Oh yes sir« exclaimed both women together »Lord bless you sir well we
knows that«
»Then why« said Mr Jaggers »do you come here«
»My Bill sir« the crying woman pleaded
»Now I tell you what« said Mr Jaggers »Once for all If you dont know
that your Bills in good hands I know it And if you come here bothering about
your Bill Ill make an example of both your Bill and you and let him slip
through my fingers Have you paid Wemmick«
»Oh yes sir Every farden«
»Very well Then you have done all you have got to do Say another word
one single word and Wemmick shall give you your money back«
This terrible threat caused the two women to fall off immediately No one
remained now but the excitable Jew who had already raised the skirts of Mr
Jaggerss coat to his lips several times
»I dont know this man« said Mr Jaggers in the most devasting strain
»What does this fellow want«
»Ma thear Mithter Jaggerth Hown brother to Habraham Latharuth«
»Whos he« said Mr Jaggers »Let go of my coat«
The suitor kissing the hem of the garment again before relinquishing it
replied »Habraham Latharuth on thuthpithion of plate«
»Youre too late« said Mr Jaggers »I am over the way«
»Holy father Mithter Jaggerth« cried my excitable acquaintance turning
white »dont thay youre again Habraham Latharuth«
»I am« said Mr Jaggers »and theres an end of it Get out of the way«
»Mithter Jaggerth Half a moment My hown cuthenth gone to Mithter Wemmick
at thith prethenth minute to hoffer him hany termth Mithter Jaggerth Half a
quarter of a moment If youd have the condethenthun to be bought off from the
tother thide at any thuperior prithe money no object Mithter Jaggerth
Mithter «
My guardian threw his supplicant off with supreme indifference and left him
dancing on the pavement as if it were redhot Without further interruption we
reached the front office where we found the clerk and the man in velveteen with
the fur cap
»Heres Mike« said the clerk getting down from his stool and approaching
Mr Jaggers confidentially
»Oh« said Mr Jaggers turning to the man who was pulling a lock of hair in
the middle of his forehead like the Bull in Cock Robin pulling at the
bellrope »your man comes on this afternoon Well«
»Well Masr Jaggers« returned Mike in the voice of a sufferer from a
constitutional cold »arter a deal o trouble Ive found one sir as might
do«
»What is he prepared to swear«
»Well Masr Jaggers« said Mike wiping his nose on his fur cap this time
»in a general way anythink«
Mr Jaggers suddenly became most irate »Now I warned you before« said he
throwing his forefinger at the terrified client »that if ever you presumed to
talk in that way here Id make an example of you You infernal scoundrel how
dare you tell ME that«
The client looked scared but bewildered too as if he were unconscious what
he had done
»Spooney« said the clerk in a low voice giving him a stir with his elbow
»Soft Head Need you say it face to face«
»Now I ask you you blundering booby« said my guardian very sternly
»once more and for the last time what the man you have brought here is prepared
to swear«
Mike looked hard at my guardian as if he were trying to learn a lesson from
his face and slowly replied »Ayther to character or to having been in his
company and never left him all the night in question«
»Now be careful In what station of life is this man«
Mike looked at his cap and looked at the floor and looked at the ceiling
and looked at the clerk and even looked at me before beginning to reply in a
nervous manner »Weve dressed him up like « when my guardian blustered out
»What You WILL will you«
»Spooney« added the clerk again with another stir
After some helpless casting about Mike brightened and began again
»He is dressed like a spectable pieman A sort of a pastrycook«
»Is he here« asked my guardian
»I left him« said Mike »a setting on some doorsteps round the corner«
»Take him past that window and let me see him«
The window indicated was the office window We all three went to it behind
the wire blind and presently saw the client go by in an accidental manner with
a murderouslooking tall individual in a short suit of white linen and a paper
cap This guileless confectioner was not by any means sober and had a black eye
in the green stage of recovery which was painted over
»Tell him to take his witness away directly« said my guardian to the clerk
in extreme disgust »and ask him what he means by bringing such a fellow as
that«
My guardian then took me into his own room and while he lunched standing
from a sandwichbox and a pocket flask of sherry he seemed to bully his very
sandwich as he ate it informed me what arrangements he had made for me I was
to go to Barnards Inn to young Mr Pockets rooms where a bed had been sent
in for my accommodation I was to remain with young Mr Pocket until Monday on
Monday I was to go with him to his fathers house on a visit that I might try
how I liked it Also I was told what my allowance was to be it was a very
liberal one and had handed to me from one of my guardians drawers the cards
of certain tradesmen with whom I was to deal for all kinds of clothes and such
other things as I could in reason want »You will find your credit good Mr
Pip« said my guardian whose flask of sherry smelt like a whole caskfull as
he hastily refreshed himself »but I shall by this means be able to check your
bills and to pull you up if I find you outrunning the constable Of course
youll go wrong somehow but thats no fault of mine«
After I had pondered a little over this encouraging sentiment I asked Mr
Jaggers if I could send for a coach He said it was not worth while I was so
near my destination Wemmick should walk round with me if I pleased
I then found that Wemmick was the clerk in the next room Another clerk was
rung down from upstairs to take his place while he was out and I accompanied
him into the street after shaking hands with my guardian We found a new set of
people lingering outside but Wemmick made a way among them by saying coolly yet
decisively »I tell you its no use he wont have a word to say to one of you«
and we soon got clear of them and went on side by side
Chapter XXI
Casting my eyes on Mr Wemmick as we went along to see what he was like in the
light of day I found him to be a dry man rather short in stature with a
square wooden face whose expression seemed to have been imperfectly chipped out
with a dulledged chisel There were some marks in it that might have been
dimples if the material had been softer and the instrument finer but which as
it was were only dints The chisel had made three or four of these attempts at
embellishment over his nose but had given them up without an effort to smooth
them off I judged him to be a bachelor from the frayed condition of his linen
and he appeared to have sustained a good many bereavements for he wore at least
four mourning rings besides a brooch representing a lady and a weeping willow
at a tomb with an urn on it I noticed too that several rings and seals hung
at his watchchain as if he were quite laden with remembrances of departed
friends He had glittering eyes small keen and black and thin wide mottled
lips He had had them to the best of my belief from forty to fifty years
»So you were never in London before« said Mr Wemmick to me
»No« said I
»I was new here once« said Mr Wemmick »Rum to think of now«
»You are well acquainted with it now«
»Why yes« said Mr Wemmick »I know the moves of it«
»Is it a very wicked place« I asked more for the sake of saying something
than for information
»You may get cheated robbed and murdered in London But there are plenty
of people anywhere wholl do that for you«
»If there is bad blood between you and them« said I to soften it off a
little
»Oh I dont know about bad blood« returned Mr Wemmick »Theres not much
bad blood about Theyll do it if theres anything to be got by it«
»That makes it worse«
»You think so« returned Mr Wemmick »Much about the same I should say«
He wore his hat on the back of his head and looked straight before him
walking in a selfcontained way as if there were nothing in the streets to claim
his attention His mouth was such a postoffice of a mouth that he had a
mechanical appearance of smiling We had got to the top of Holborn Hill before I
knew that it was merely a mechanical appearance and that he was not smiling at
all
»Do you know where Mr Matthew Pocket lives« I asked Mr Wemmick
»Yes« said he nodding in the direction »At Hammersmith west of London«
»Is that far«
»Well Say five miles«
»Do you know him«
»Why you are a regular crossexaminer« said Mr Wemmick looking at me
with an approving air »Yes I know him I know him«
There was an air of toleration or depreciation about his utterance of these
words that rather depressed me and I was still looking sideways at his block
of a face in search of any encouraging note to the text when he said here we
were at Barnards Inn My depression was not alleviated by the announcement
for I had supposed that establishment to be an hotel kept by Mr Barnard to
which the Blue Boar in our town was a mere publichouse Whereas I now found
Barnard to be a disembodied spirit or a fiction and his inn the dingiest
collection of shabby buildings ever squeezed together in a rank corner as a club
for Tomcats
We entered this haven through a wicketgate and were disgorged by an
introductory passage into a melancholy little square that looked to me like a
flat buryingground I thought it had the most dismal trees in it and the most
dismal sparrows and the most dismal cats and the most dismal houses in number
half a dozen or so that I had ever seen I thought the windows of the sets of
chambers into which those houses were divided were in every stage of
dilapidated blind and curtain crippled flowerpot cracked glass dusty decay
and miserable makeshift while To Let To Let To Let glared at me from empty
rooms as if no new wretches ever came there and the vengeance of the soul of
Barnard were being slowly appeased by the gradual suicide of the present
occupants and their unholy interment under the gravel A frouzy morning of soot
and smoke attired this forlorn creation of Barnard and it had strewed ashes on
its head and was undergoing penance and humiliation as a mere dusthole Thus
far my sense of sight while dry rot and wet rot and all the silent rots that
rot in neglected roof and cellar rot of rat and mouse and bug and
coachingstables near at hand besides addressed themselves faintly to my sense
of smell and moaned »Try Barnards Mixture«
So imperfect was this realisation of the first of my great expectations
that I looked in dismay at Mr Wemmick »Ah« said he mistaking me »the
retirement reminds you of the country So it does me«
He led me into a corner and conducted me up a flight of stairs which
appeared to me to be slowly collapsing into sawdust so that one of those days
the upper lodgers would look out at their doors and find themselves without the
means of coming down to a set of chambers on the top floor MR POCKET JUN
was painted on the door and there was a label on the letterbox »Return
shortly«
»He hardly thought youd come so soon« Mr Wemmick explained »You dont
want me any more«
»No thank you« said I
»As I keep the cash« Mr Wemmick observed »we shall most likely meet
pretty often Good day«
»Good day«
I put out my hand and Mr Wemmick at first looked at it as if he thought I
wanted something Then he looked at me and said correcting himself
»To be sure Yes Youre in the habit of shaking hands«
I was rather confused thinking it must be out of the London fashion but
said yes
»I have got so out of it« said Mr Wemmick »except at last Very glad
Im sure to make your acquaintance Good day«
When we had shaken hands and he was gone I opened the staircase window and
had nearly beheaded myself for the lines had rotted away and it came down like
the guillotine Happily it was so quick that I had not put my head out After
this escape I was content to take a foggy view of the Inn through the windows
encrusting dirt and to stand dolefully looking out saying to myself that
London was decidedly overrated
Mr Pocket Juniors idea of Shortly was not mine for I had nearly
maddened myself with looking out for half an hour and had written my name with
my finger several times in the dirt of every pane in the window before I heard
footsteps on the stairs Gradually there arose before me the hat head
neckcloth waistcoat trousers boots of a member of society of about my own
standing He had a paperbag under each arm and a pottle of strawberries in one
hand and was out of breath
»Mr Pip« said he
»Mr Pocket« said I
»Dear me« he exclaimed »I am extremely sorry but I knew there was a coach
from your part of the country at midday and I thought you would come by that
one The fact is I have been out on your account not that that is any excuse
for I thought coming from the country you might like a little fruit after
dinner and I went to Covent Garden Market to get it good«
For a reason that I had I felt as if my eyes would start out of my head I
acknowledged his attention incoherently and began to think this was a dream
»Dear me« said Mr Pocket Junior »This door sticks so«
As he was fast making jam of his fruit by wrestling with the door while the
paperbags were under his arms I begged him to allow me to hold them He
relinquished them with an agreeable smile and combated with the door as if it
were a wild beast It yielded so suddenly at last that he staggered back upon
me and I staggered back upon the opposite door and we both laughed But still
I felt as if my eyes must start out of my head and as if this must be a dream
»Pray come in« said Mr Pocket Junior »Allow me to lead the way I am
rather bare here but I hope youll be able to make out tolerably well till
Monday My father thought you would get on more agreeably through tomorrow with
me than with him and might like to take a walk about London I am sure I shall
be very happy to show London to you As to our table you wont find that bad I
hope for it will be supplied from our coffeehouse here and it is only right
I should add at your expense such being Mr Jaggerss directions As to our
lodging its not by any means splendid because I have my own bread to earn
and my father hasnt anything to give me and I shouldnt be willing to take it
if he had This is our sittingroom just such chairs and tables and carpet and
so forth you see as they could spare from home You mustnt give me credit for
the tablecloth and spoons and castors because they come for you from the
coffeehouse This is my little bedroom rather musty but Barnards is musty
This is your bedroom the furnitures hired for the occasion but I trust it
will answer the purpose if you should want anything Ill go and fetch it The
chambers are retired and we shall be alone together but we shant fight I
dare say But dear me I beg your pardon youre holding the fruit all this
time Pray let me take these bags from you I am quite ashamed«
As I stood opposite to Mr Pocket Junior delivering him the bags One
Two I saw the starting appearance come into his own eyes that I knew to be in
mine and he said falling back
»Lord bless me youre the prowling boy«
»And you« said I »are the pale young gentleman«
Chapter XXII
The pale young gentleman and I stood contemplating one another in Barnards Inn
until we both burst out laughing »The idea of its being you« said he »The
idea of its being you« said I And then we contemplated one another afresh and
laughed again »Well« said the pale young gentleman reaching out his hand
goodhumouredly »its all over now I hope and it will be magnanimous in you
if youll forgive me for having knocked you about so«
I derived from this speech that Mr Herbert Pocket for Herbert was the pale
young gentlemans name still rather confounded his intention with his
execution But I made a modest reply and we shook hands warmly
»You hadnt come into your good fortune at that time« said Herbert Pocket
»No« said I
»No« he acquiesced »I heard it had happened very lately I was rather on
the lookout for goodfortune then«
»Indeed«
»Yes Miss Havisham had sent for me to see if she could take a fancy to me
But she couldnt at all events she didnt«
I thought it polite to remark that I was surprised to hear that
»Bad taste« said Herbert laughing »but a fact Yes she had sent for me
on a trial visit and if I had come out of it successfully I suppose I should
have been provided for perhaps I should have been whatyoumaycalled it to
Estella«
»Whats that« I asked with sudden gravity
He was arranging his fruit in plates while we talked which divided his
attention and was the cause of his having made this lapse of a word
»Affianced« he explained still busy with the fruit »Betrothed Engaged
Whatshisnamed Any word of that sort«
»How did you bear your disappointment« I asked
»Pooh« said he »I didnt care much for it Shes a Tartar«
»Miss Havisham«
»I dont say no to that but I meant Estella That girls hard and haughty
and capricious to the last degree and has been brought up by Miss Havisham to
wreak revenge on all the male sex«
»What relation is she to Miss Havisham«
»None« said he »Only adopted«
»Why should she wreak revenge on all the male sex What revenge«
»Lord Mr Pip« said he »Dont you know«
»No« said I
»Dear me Its quite a story and shall be saved till dinnertime And now
let me take the liberty of asking you a question How did you come there that
day«
I told him and he was attentive until I had finished and then burst out
laughing again and asked me if I was sore afterwards I didnt ask him if he
was for my conviction on that point was perfectly established
»Mr Jaggers is your guardian I understand« he went on
»Yes«
»You know he is Miss Havishams man of business and solicitor and has her
confidence when nobody else has«
This was bringing me I felt towards dangerous ground I answered with a
constraint I made no attempt to disguise that I had seen Mr Jaggers in Miss
Havishams house on the very day of our combat but never at any other time and
that I believed he had no recollection of having ever seen me there
»He was so obliging as to suggest my father for your tutor and he called on
my father to propose it Of course he knew about my father from his connexion
with Miss Havisham My father is Miss Havishams cousin not that that implies
familiar intercourse between them for he is a bad courtier and will not
propitiate her«
Herbert Pocket had a frank and easy way with him that was very taking I had
never seen any one then and I have never seen any one since who more strongly
expressed to me in every look and tone a natural incapacity to do anything
secret and mean There was something wonderfully hopeful about his general air
and something that at the same time whispered to me he would never be successful
or rich I dont know how this was I became imbued with the notion on that
first occasion before we sat down to dinner but I cannot define by what means
He was still a pale young gentleman and had a certain conquered languor
about him in the midst of his spirits and briskness that did not seem
indicative of natural strength He had not a handsome face but it was better
than handsome being extremely amiable and cheerful His figure was a little
ungainly as in the days when my knuckles had taken such liberties with it but
it looked as if it would always be light and young Whether Mr Trabbs local
work would have sat more gracefully on him than on me may be a question but I
am conscious that he carried off his rather old clothes much better than I
carried off my new suit
As he was so communicative I felt that reserve on my part would be a bad
return unsuited to our years I therefore told him my small story and laid
stress on my being forbidden to inquire who my benefactor was I further
mentioned that as I had been brought up a blacksmith in a country place and
knew very little of the ways of politeness I would take it as a great kindness
in him if he would give me a hint whenever he saw me at a loss or going wrong
»With pleasure« said he »though I venture to prophesy that youll want
very few hints I dare say we shall be often together and I should like to
banish any needless restraint between us Will you do me the favour to begin at
once to call me by my christian name Herbert«
I thanked him and said I would I informed him in exchange that my
christian name was Philip
»I dont take to Philip« said he smiling »for it sounds like a moral boy
out of the spellingbook who was so lazy that he fell into a pond or so fat
that he couldnt see out of his eyes or so avaricious that he locked up his
cake till the mice ate it or so determined to go a birdsnesting that he got
himself eaten by bears who lived handy in the neighbourhood I tell you what I
should like We are so harmonious and you have been a blacksmith would you
mind it«
»I shouldnt mind anything that you propose« I answered »but I dont
understand you«
»Would you mind Handel for a familiar name Theres a charming piece of
music by Handel called the Harmonious Blacksmith«
»I should like it very much«
»Then my dear Handel« said he turning round as the door opened »here is
the dinner and I must beg of you to take the top of the table because the
dinner is of your providing«
This I would not hear of so he took the top and I faced him It was a nice
little dinner seemed to me then a very Lord Mayors Feast and it acquired
additional relish from being eaten under those independent circumstances with
no old people by and with London all around us This again was heightened by a
certain gipsy character that set the banquet off for while the table was as
Mr Pumblechook might have said the lap of luxury being entirely furnished
forth from the coffeehouse the circumjacent region of sittingroom was of a
comparatively pastureless and shifty character imposing on the waiter the
wandering habits of putting the covers on the floor where he fell over them
the melted butter in the armchair the bread on the bookshelves the cheese in
the coalscuttle and the boiled fowl into my bed in the next room where I
found much of its parsley and butter in a state of congelation when I retired
for the night All this made the feast delightful and when the waiter was not
there to watch me my pleasure was without alloy
We had made some progress in the dinner when I reminded Herbert of his
promise to tell me about Miss Havisham
»True« he replied »Ill redeem it at once Let me introduce the topic
Handel by mentioning that in London it is not the custom to put the knife in
the mouth for fear of accidents and that while the fork is reserved for that
use it is not put further in than necessary It is scarcely worth mentioning
only its as well to do as other people do Also the spoon is not generally
used overhand but under This has two advantages You get at your mouth better
which after all is the object and you save a good deal of the attitude of
opening oysters on the part of the right elbow«
He offered these friendly suggestions in such a lively way that we both
laughed and I scarcely blushed
»Now« he pursued »concerning Miss Havisham Miss Havisham you must know
was a spoilt child Her mother died when she was a baby and her father denied
her nothing Her father was a country gentleman down in your part of the world
and was a brewer I dont know why it should be a crack thing to be a brewer
but it is indisputable that while you cannot possibly be genteel and bake you
may be as genteel as never was and brew You see it every day«
»Yet a gentleman may not keep a publichouse may he« said I
»Not on any account« returned Herbert »but a publichouse may keep a
gentleman Well Mr Havisham was very rich and very proud So was his
daughter«
»Miss Havisham was an only child« I hazarded
»Stop a moment I am coming to that No she was not an only child she had
a halfbrother Her father privately married again his cook I rather think«
»I thought he was proud« said I
»My good Handel so he was He married his second wife privately because he
was proud and in course of time she died When she was dead I apprehend he
first told his daughter what he had done and then the son became a part of the
family residing in the house you are acquainted with As the son grew a young
man he turned out riotous extravagant undutiful altogether bad At last his
father disinherited him but he softened when he was dying and left him well
off though not nearly so well off as Miss Havisham Take another glass of
wine and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be
so strictly conscientious in emptying ones glass as to turn it bottom upwards
with the rim on ones nose«
I had been doing this in an excess of attention to his recital I thanked
him and apologised He said »Not at all« and resumed
»Miss Havisham was now an heiress and you may suppose was looked after as a
great match Her halfbrother had now ample means again but what with debts and
what with new madness wasted them most fearfully again There were stronger
differences between him and her than there had been between him and his father
and it is suspected that he cherished a deep and mortal grudge against her as
having influenced the fathers anger Now I come to the cruel part of the story
merely breaking off my dear Handel to remark that a dinnernapkin will not
go into a tumbler«
Why I was trying to pack mine into my tumbler I am wholly unable to say I
only know that I found myself with a perseverance worthy of a much better
cause making the most strenuous exertions to compress it within those limits
Again I thanked him and apologised and again he said in the cheerfullest
manner »Not at all I am sure« and resumed
»There appeared upon the scene say at the races or the public balls or
anywhere else you like a certain man who made love to Miss Havisham I never
saw him for this happened fiveandtwenty years ago before you and I were
Handel but I have heard my father mention that he was a showy man and the
kind of man for the purpose But that he was not to be without ignorance or
prejudice mistaken for a gentleman my father most strongly asseverates
because it is a principle of his that no man who was not a true gentleman at
heart ever was since the world began a true gentleman in manner He says no
varnish can hide the grain of the wood and that the more vanish you put on the
more the grain will express itself Well This man pursued Miss Havisham
closely and professed to be devoted to her I believe she had not shown much
susceptibility up to that time but all the susceptibility she possessed
certainly came out then and she passionately loved him There is no doubt that
she perfectly idolized him He practised on her affection in that systematic
way that he got great sums of money from her and he induced her to buy her
brother out of a share in the brewery which had been weakly left him by his
father at an immense price on the plea that when he was her husband he must
hold and manage it all Your guardian was not at that time in Miss Havishams
councils and she was too haughty and too much in love to be advised by any
one Her relations were poor and scheming with the exception of my father he
was poor enough but not timeserving or jealous The only independent one among
them he warned her that she was doing too much for this man and was placing
herself too unreservedly in his power She took the first opportunity of angrily
ordering my father out of the house in his presence and my father has never
seen her since«
I thought of her having said »Matthew will come and see me at last when I
am laid dead upon that table« and I asked Herbert whether his father was so
inveterate against her
»Its not that« said he »but she charged him in the presence of her
intended husband with being disappointed in the hope of fawning upon her for
his own advancement and if he were to go to her now it would look true even
to him and even to her To return to the man and make an end of him The
marriage day was fixed the wedding dresses were bought the wedding tour was
planned out the wedding guests were invited The day came but not the
bridegroom He wrote a letter «
»Which she received« I struck in »when she was dressing for her marriage
At twenty minutes to nine«
»At the hour and minute« said Herbert nodding »at which she afterwards
stopped all the clocks What was in it further than that it most heartlessly
broke the marriage off I cant tell you because I dont know When she
recovered from a bad illness that she had she laid the whole place waste as
you have seen it and she has never since looked upon the light of day«
»Is that all the story« I asked after considering it
»All I know of it and indeed I only know so much through piecing it out
for myself for my father always avoids it and even when Miss Havisham invited
me to go there told me no more of it than it was absolutely requisite I should
understand But I have forgotten one thing It has been supposed that the man to
whom she gave her misplaced confidence acted throughout in concert with her
halfbrother that it was a conspiracy between them and that they shared the
profits«
»I wonder he didnt marry her and get all the property« said I
»He may have been married already and her cruel mortification may have been
a part of her halfbrothers scheme« said Herbert »Mind I dont know that«
»What became of the two men« I asked after again considering the subject
»They fell into deeper shame and degradation if there can be deeper and
ruin«
»Are they alive now«
»I dont know«
»You said just now that Estella was not related to Miss Havisham but
adopted When adopted«
Herbert shrugged his shoulders »There has always been an Estella since I
have heard of a Miss Havisham I know no more And now Handel« said he
finally throwing off the story as it were »there is a perfectly open
understanding between us All I know about Miss Havisham you know«
»And all I know« I retorted »you know«
»I fully believe it So there can be no competition or perplexity between
you and me And as to the condition on which you hold your advancement in life
namely that you are not to inquire or discuss to whom you owe it you may be
very sure that it will never be encroached upon or even approached by me or
by any one belonging to me«
In truth he said this with so much delicacy that I felt the subject done
with even though I should be under his fathers roof for years and years to
come Yet he said it with so much meaning too that I felt he as perfectly
understood Miss Havisham to be my benefactress as I understood the fact myself
It had not occurred to me before that he had led up to the theme for the
purpose of clearing it out of our way but we were so much the lighter and
easier for having broached it that I now perceived this to be the case We were
very gay and sociable and I asked him in the course of conversation what he
was He replied »A capitalist an Insurer of Ships« I suppose he saw me
glancing about the room in search of some tokens of Shipping or capital for he
added »In the City«
I had grand ideas of the wealth and importance of Insurers of Ships in the
City and I began to think with awe of having laid a young Insurer on his back
blackened his enterprising eye and cut his responsible head open But again
there came upon me for my relief that odd impression that Herbert Pocket would
never be very successful or rich
»I shall not rest satisfied with merely employing my capital in insuring
ships I shall buy up some good Life Assurance shares and cut into the
Direction I shall also do a little in the mining way None of these things will
interfere with my chartering a few thousand tons on my own account I think I
shall trade« said he leaning back in his chair »to the East Indies for
silks shawls spices dyes drugs and precious woods Its an interesting
trade«
»And the profits are large« said I
»Tremendous« said he
I wavered again and began to think here were greater expectations than my
own
»I think I shall trade also« said he putting his thumbs in his waistcoat
pockets »to the West Indies for sugar tobacco and rum Also to Ceylon
especially for elephants tusks«
»You will want a good many ships« said I
»A perfect fleet« said he
Quite overpowered by the magnificence of these transactions I asked him
where the ships he insured mostly traded to at present
»I havent begun insuring yet« he replied »I am looking about me«
Somehow that pursuit seemed more in keeping with Barnards Inn I said in
a tone of conviction »Ahh«
»Yes I am in a countinghouse and looking about me«
»Is a countinghouse profitable« I asked
»To do you mean to the young fellow whos in it« he asked in reply
»Yes to you«
»Why nno not to me« He said this with the air of one carefully reckoning
up and striking a balance »Not directly profitable That is it doesnt pay me
anything and I have to keep myself«
This certainly had not a profitable appearance and I shook my head as if I
would imply that it would be difficult to lay by much accumulative capital from
such a source of income
»But the thing is« said Herbert Pocket »that you look about you Thats
the grand thing You are in a countinghouse you know and you look about you«
It struck me as a singular implication that you couldnt be out of a
countinghouse you know and look about you but I silently deferred to his
experience
»Then the time comes« said Herbert »when you see your opening And you go
in and you swoop upon it and you make your capital and then there you are
When you have once made your capital you have nothing to do but employ it«
This was very like his way of conducting that encounter in the garden very
like His manner of bearing his poverty too exactly corresponded to his manner
of bearing that defeat It seemed to me that he took all blows and buffets now
with just the same air as he had taken mine then It was evident that he had
nothing around him but the simplest necessaries for everything that I remarked
upon turned out to have been sent in on my account from the coffeehouse or
somewhere else
Yet having already made his fortune in his own mind he was so unassuming
with it that I felt quite grateful to him for not being puffed up It was a
pleasant addition to his naturally pleasant ways and we got on famously In the
evening we went out for a walk in the streets and went halfprice to the
Theatre and next day we went to church at Westminster Abbey and in the
afternoon we walked in the Parks and I wondered who shod all the horses there
and wished Joe did
On a moderate computation it was many months that Sunday since I had left
Joe and Biddy The space interposed between myself and them partook of that
expansion and our marshes were any distance off That I could have been at our
old church in my old churchgoing clothes on the very last Sunday that ever
was seemed a combination of impossibilities geographical and social solar and
lunar Yet in the London streets so crowded with people and so brilliantly
lighted in the dusk of evening there were depressing hints of reproaches for
that I had put the poor old kitchen at home so far away and in the dead of
night the footsteps of some incapable impostor of a porter mooning about
Barnards Inn under pretence of watching it fell hollow on my heart
On the Monday morning at a quarter before nine Herbert went to the
countinghouse to report himself to look about him too I suppose and I
bore him company He was to come away in an hour or two to attend me to
Hammersmith and I was to wait about for him It appeared to me that the eggs
from which young Insurers were hatched were incubated in dust and heat like
the eggs of ostriches judging from the places to which those incipient giants
repaired on a Monday morning Nor did the countinghouse where Herbert assisted
show in my eyes as at all a good Observatory being a back second floor up a
yard of a grimy presence in all particulars and with a look into another back
second floor rather than a look out
I waited about until it was noon and I went upon Change and I saw fluey
men sitting there under the bills about shipping whom I took to be great
merchants though I couldnt understand why they should all be out of spirits
When Herbert came we went and had lunch at a celebrated house which I then
quite venerated but now believe to have been the most abject superstition in
Europe and where I could not help noticing even then that there was much more
gravy on the tablecloths and knives and waiters clothes than in the steaks
This collation disposed of at a moderate price considering the grease which
was not charged for we went back to Barnards Inn and got my little
portmanteau and then took coach for Hammersmith We arrived there at two or
three oclock in the afternoon and had very little way to walk to Mr Pockets
house Lifting the latch of a gate we passed direct into a little garden
overlooking the river where Mr Pockets children were playing about And
unless I deceive myself on a point where my interests or prepossessions are
certainly not concerned I saw that Mr and Mrs Pockets children were not
growing up or being brought up but were tumbling up
Mrs Pocket was sitting on a garden chair under a tree reading with her
legs upon another garden chair and Mrs Pockets two nursemaids were looking
about them while the children played »Mamma« said Herbert »this is young Mr
Pip« Upon which Mrs Pocket received me with an appearance of amiable dignity
»Master Alick and Miss Jane« cried one of the nurses to two of the
children »if you go abouncing up against them bushes youll fall over into the
river and be drownded and whatll your pa say then«
At the same time this nurse picked up Mrs Pockets handkerchief and said
»If that dont make six times youve dropped it Mum« Upon which Mrs Pocket
laughed and said »Thank you Flopson« and settling herself in one chair only
resumed her book Her countenance immediately assumed a knitted and intent
expression as if she had been reading for a week but before she could have read
half a dozen lines she fixed her eyes upon me and said »I hope your mamma is
quite well« This unexpected inquiry put me into such a difficulty that I began
saying in the absurdest way that if there had been any such person I had no
doubt she would have been quite well and would have been very much obliged and
would have sent her compliments when the nurse came to my rescue
»Well« she cried picking up the pocket handkerchief »if that dont make
seven times What ARE you adoing of this afternoon Mum« Mrs Pocket received
her property at first with a look of unutterable surprise as if she had never
seen it before and then with a laugh of recognition and said »Thank you
Flopson« and forgot me and went on reading
I found now I had leisure to count them that there were no fewer than six
little Pockets present in various stages of tumbling up I had scarcely arrived
at the total when a seventh was heard as in the region of air wailing
dolefully
»If there aint Baby« said Flopson appearing to think it most surprising
»Make haste up Millers«
Millers who was the other nurse retired into the house and by degrees the
childs wailing was hushed and stopped as if it were a young ventriloquist with
something in its mouth Mrs Pocket read all the time and I was curious to know
what the book could be
We were waiting I suppose for Mr Pocket to come out to us at any rate we
waited there and so I had an opportunity of observing the remarkable family
phenomenon that whenever any of the children strayed near Mrs Pocket in their
play they always tripped themselves up and tumbled over her always very much
to her momentary astonishment and their own more enduring lamentation I was at
a loss to account for this surprising circumstance and could not help giving my
mind to speculations about it until byandby Millers came down with the baby
which Baby was handed to Flopson which Flopson was handing it to Mrs Pocket
when she too went fairly head foremost over Mrs Pocket baby and all and was
caught by Herbert and myself
»Gracious me Flopson« said Mrs Pocket looking off her book for a moment
»everybodys tumbling«
»Gracious you indeed Mum« returned Flopson very red in the face »what
have you got there«
»I got here Flopson« asked Mrs Pocket
»Why if it aint your footstool« cried Flopson »And if you keep it under
your skirts like that whos to help tumbling Here Take the baby Mum and
give me your book«
Mrs Pocket acted on the advice and inexpertly danced the infant a little
in her lap while the other children played about it This had lasted but a very
short time when Mrs Pocket issued summary orders that they were all to be
taken into the house for a nap Thus I made the second discovery on that first
occasion that the nurture of the little Pockets consisted of alternately
tumbling up and lying down
Under these circumstances when Flopson and Millers had got the children
into the house like a little flock of sheep and Mr Pocket came out of it to
make my acquaintance I was not much surprised to find that Mr Pocket was a
gentleman with a rather perplexed expression of face and with his very grey
hair disordered on his head as if he didnt quite see his way to putting
anything straight
Chapter XXIII
Mr Pocket said he was glad to see me and he hoped I was not sorry to see him
»For I really am not« he added with his sons smile »an alarming personage«
He was a younglooking man in spite of his perplexities and his very grey hair
and his manner seemed quite natural I use the word natural in the sense of its
being unaffected there was something comic in his distraught way as though it
would have been downright ludicrous but for his own perception that it was very
near being so When he had talked with me a little he said to Mrs Pocket with
a rather anxious contraction of his eyebrows which were black and handsome
»Belinda I hope you have welcomed Mr Pip« And she looked up from her book
and said »Yes« She then smiled upon me in an absent state of mind and asked
me if I liked the taste of orangeflower water As the question had no bearing
near or remote on any foregone or subsequent transactions I considered it to
have been thrown out like her previous approaches in general conversational
condescension
I found out within a few hours and may mention at once that Mrs Pocket
was the only daughter of a certain quite accidental deceased Knight who had
invented for himself a conviction that his deceased father would have been made
a Baronet but for somebodys determined opposition arising out of entirely
personal motives I forget whose if I ever knew the Sovereigns the Prime
Ministers the Lord Chancellors the Archbishop of Canterburys anybodys
and had tacked himself on to the nobles of the earth in right of this quite
supposititious fact I believe he had been knighted himself for storming the
English grammar at the point of the pen in a desperate address engrossed on
vellum on the occasion of the laying of the first stone of some building or
other and for handing some Royal Personage either the trowel or the mortar Be
that as it may he had directed Mrs Pocket to be brought up from her cradle as
one who in the nature of things must marry a title and who was to be guarded
from the acquisition of plebeian domestic knowledge
So successful a watch and ward had been established over the young lady by
this judicious parent that she had grown up highly ornamental but perfectly
helpless and useless With her character thus happily formed in the first bloom
of her youth she had encountered Mr Pocket who was also in the first bloom of
youth and not quite decided whether to mount to the Woolsack or to roof
himself in with a mitre As his doing the one or the other was a mere question
of time he and Mrs Pocket had taken Time by the forelock when to judge from
its length it would seem to have wanted cutting and had married without the
knowledge of the judicious parent The judicious parent having nothing to
bestow or withhold but his blessing had handsomely settled that dower upon them
after a short struggle and had informed Mr Pocket that his wife was a treasure
for a Prince Mr Pocket had invested the Princes treasure in the ways of the
world ever since and it was supposed to have brought him in but indifferent
interest Still Mrs Pocket was in general the object of a queer sort of
respectful pity because she had not married a title while Mr Pocket was the
object of a queer sort of forgiving reproach because he had never got one
Mr Pocket took me into the house and showed me my room which was a
pleasant one and so furnished as that I could use it with comfort for my own
private sittingroom He then knocked at the doors of two other similar rooms
and introduced me to their occupants by name Drummle and Startop Drummle an
oldlooking young man of a heavy order of architecture was whistling Startop
younger in years and appearance was reading and holding his head as if he
thought himself in danger of exploding it with too strong a charge of knowledge
Both Mr and Mrs Pocket had such a noticeable air of being in somebody
elses hands that I wondered who really was in possession of the house and let
them live there until I found this unknown power to be the servants It was a
smooth way of going on perhaps in respect of saving trouble but it had the
appearance of being expensive for the servants felt it a duty they owed to
themselves to be nice in their eating and drinking and to keep a deal of
company downstairs They allowed a very liberal table to Mr and Mrs Pocket
yet it always appeared to me that by far the best part of the house to have
boarded in would have been the kitchen always supposing the boarder capable
of selfdefence for before I had been there a week a neighbouring lady with
whom the family were personally unacquainted wrote in to say that she had seen
Millers slapping the baby This greatly distressed Mrs Pocket who burst into
tears on receiving the note and said that it was an extraordinary thing that
the neighbours couldnt mind their own business
By degrees I learnt and chiefly from Herbert that Mr Pocket had been
educated at Harrow and at Cambridge where he had distinguished himself but
that when he had had the happiness of marrying Mrs Pocket very early in life
he had impaired his prospects and taken up the calling of a Grinder After
grinding a number of dull blades of whom it was remarkable that their fathers
when influential were always going to help him to preferment but always forgot
to do it when the blades had left the Grindstone he had wearied of that poor
work and had come to London Here after gradually failing in loftier hopes he
had read with divers who had lacked opportunities or neglected them and had
refurbished divers others for special occasions and had turned his acquirements
to the account of literary compilation and correction and on such means added
to some very moderate private resources still maintained the house I saw
Mr and Mrs Pocket had a toady neighbour a widow lady of that highly
sympathetic nature that she agreed with everybody blessed everybody and shed
smiles and tears on everybody according to circumstances This ladys name was
Mrs Coiler and I had the honour of taking her down to dinner on the day of my
installation She gave me to understand on the stairs that it was a blow to
dear Mrs Pocket that dear Mr Pocket should be under the necessity of receiving
gentlemen to read with him That did not extend to me she told me in a gush of
love and confidence at that time I had known her something less than five
minutes if they were all like Me it would be quite another thing
»But dear Mrs Pocket« said Mrs Coiler »after her early disappointment
not that dear Mr Pocket was to blame in that requires so much luxury and
elegance «
»Yes maam« I said to stop her for I was afraid she was going to cry
»And she is of so aristocratic a disposition «
»Yes maam« I said again with the same object as before
» that it is hard« said Mrs Coiler »to have dear Mr Pockets time and
attention diverted from dear Mrs Pocket«
I could not help thinking that it might be harder if the butchers time and
attention were diverted from dear Mrs Pocket but I said nothing and indeed
had enough to do in keeping a bashful watch upon my companymanners
It came to my knowledge through what passed between Mrs Pocket and
Drummle while I was attentive to my knife and fork spoon glasses and other
instruments of selfdestruction that Drummle whose christian name was Bentley
was actually the next heir but one to a baronetcy It further appeared that the
book I had seen Mrs Pocket reading in the garden was all about titles and
that she knew the exact date at which her grandpapa would have come into the
book if he ever had come at all Drummle didnt say much but in his limited
way he struck me as a sulky kind of fellow he spoke as one of the elect and
recognised Mrs Pocket as a woman and a sister No one but themselves and Mrs
Coiler the toady neighbour showed any interest in this part of the
conversation and it appeared to me that it was painful to Herbert but it
promised to last a long time when the page came in with the announcement of a
domestic affliction It was in effect that the cook had mislaid the beef To
my unutterable amazement I now for the first time saw Mr Pocket relieve his
mind by going through a performance that struck me as very extraordinary but
which made no impression on anybody else and with which I soon became as
familiar as the rest He laid down the carvingknife and fork being engaged in
carving at the moment put his two hands into his disturbed hair and appeared
to make an extraordinary effort to lift himself up by it When he had done this
and had not lifted himself up at all he quietly went on with what he was about
Mrs Coiler then changed the subject and began to flatter me I liked it for
a few moments but she flattered me so very grossly that the pleasure was soon
over She had a serpentine way of coming close at me when she pretended to be
vitally interested in the friends and localities I had left which was
altogether snaky and forktongued and when she made an occasional bounce upon
Startop who said very little to her or upon Drummle who said less I rather
envied them for being on the opposite side of the table
After dinner the children were introduced and Mrs Coiler made admiring
comments on their eyes noses and legs a sagacious way of improving their
minds There were four little girls and two little boys besides the baby who
might have been either and the babys next successor who was as yet neither
They were brought in by Flopson and Millers much as though those two
noncommissioned officers had been recruiting somewhere for children and had
enlisted these while Mrs Pocket looked at the young Nobles that ought to have
been as if she rather thought she had had the pleasure of inspecting them
before but didnt quite know what to make of them
»Here Give me your fork Mum and take the baby« said Flopson »Dont take
it that way or youll get its head under the table«
Thus advised Mrs Pocket took it the other way and got its head upon the
table which was announced to all present by a prodigious concussion
»Dear dear give it me back Mum« said Flopson »and Miss Jane come and
dance the baby do«
One of the little girls a mere mite who seemed to have prematurely taken
upon herself some charge of the others stepped out of her place by me and
danced to and from the baby until it left off crying and laughed Then all the
children laughed and Mr Pocket who in the meantime had twice endeavoured to
lift himself up by the hair laughed and we all laughed and were glad
Flopson by dint of doubling the baby at the joints like a Dutch doll then
got it safely into Mrs Pockets lap and gave it the nutcrackers to play with
at the same time recommending Mrs Pocket to take notice that the handles of
that instrument were not likely to agree with its eyes and sharply charging
Miss Jane to look after the same Then the two nurses left the room and had a
lively scuffle on the staircase with a dissipated page who had waited at dinner
and who had clearly lost half his buttons at the gamingtable
I was made very uneasy in my mind by Mrs Pockets falling into a discussion
with Drummle respecting two baronetcies while she ate a sliced orange steeped in
sugar and wine and forgetting all about the baby on her lap who did most
appalling things with the nutcrackers At length little Jane perceived its young
brains to be imperilled softly left her place and with many small artifices
coaxed the dangerous weapon away Mrs Pocket finishing her orange at about the
same time and not approving of this said to Jane
»You naughty child how dare you Go and sit down this instant«
»Mamma dear« lisped the little girl »baby ood have put hith eyeth out«
»How dare you tell me so« retorted Mrs Pocket »Go and sit down in your
chair this moment«
Mrs Pockets dignity was so crushing that I felt quite abashed as if I
myself had done something to rouse it
»Belinda« remonstrated Mr Pocket from the other end of the table »how
can you be so unreasonable Jane only interfered for the protection of baby«
»I will not allow anybody to interfere« said Mrs Pocket »I am surprised
Matthew that you should expose me to the affront of interference«
»Good God« cried Mr Pocket in an outbreak of desolate desperation »Are
infants to be nutcrackered into their tombs and is nobody to save them«
»I will not be interfered with by Jane« said Mrs Pocket with a majestic
glance at that innocent little offender »I hope I know my poor grandpapas
position Jane indeed«
Mr Pocket got his hands in his hair again and this time really did lift
himself some inches out of his chair »Hear this« he helplessly exclaimed to
the elements »Babies are to be nutcrackered dead for peoples poor grandpapas
positions« Then he let himself down again and became silent
We all looked awkwardly at the tablecloth while this was going on A pause
succeeded during which the honest and irrepressible baby made a series of leaps
and crows at little Jane who appeared to me to be the only member of the family
irrespective of the servants with whom it had any decided acquaintance
»Mr Drummle« said Mrs Pocket »will you ring for Flopson Jane you
undutiful little thing go and lie down Now baby darling come with ma«
The baby was the soul of honour and protested with all its might It
doubled itself up the wrong way over Mrs Pockets arm exhibited a pair of
knitted shoes and dimpled ankles to the company in lieu of its soft face and
was carried out in the highest state of mutiny And it gained its point after
all for I saw it through the window within a few minutes being nursed by
little Jane
It happened that the other five children were left behind at the
dinnertable through Flopsons having some private engagement and their not
being anybody elses business I thus became aware of the mutual relations
between them and Mr Pocket which were exemplified in the following manner Mr
Pocket with the normal perplexity of his face heightened and his hair rumpled
looked at them for some minutes as if he couldnt make out how they came to be
boarding and lodging in that establishment and why they hadnt been billeted by
Nature on somebody else Then in a distant Missionary way he asked them
certain questions as why little Joe had that hole in his frill who said Pa
Flopson was going to mend it when she had time and how little Fanny came by
that whitlow who said Pa Millers was going to poultice it when she didnt
forget Then he melted into parental tenderness and gave them a shilling apiece
and told them to go and play and then as they went out with one very strong
effort to lift himself up by the hair he dismissed the hopeless subject
In the evening there was rowing on the river As Drummle and Startop had
each a boat I resolved to set up mine and to cut them both out I was pretty
good at most exercises in which countryboys are adepts but as I was conscious
of wanting elegance of style for the Thames not to say for other waters I at
once engaged to place myself under the tuition of the winner of a prizewherry
who plied at our stairs and to whom I was introduced by my new allies This
practical authority confused me very much by saying I had the arm of a
blacksmith If he could have known how nearly the compliment had lost him his
pupil I doubt if he would have paid it
There was a suppertray after we got home at night and I think we should
all have enjoyed ourselves but for a rather disagreeable domestic occurrence
Mr Pocket was in good spirits when a housemaid came in and said »If you
please sir I should wish to speak to you«
»Speak to your master« said Mrs Pocket whose dignity was roused again
»How can you think of such a thing Go and speak to Flopson Or speak to me at
some other time«
»Begging your pardon maam« returned the housemaid »I should wish to
speak at once and to speak to master«
Hereupon Mr Pocket went out of the room and we made the best of ourselves
until he came back
»This is a pretty thing Belinda« said Mr Pocket returning with a
countenance expressive of grief and despair »Heres the cook lying insensibly
drunk on the kitchen floor with a large bundle of fresh butter made up in the
cupboard ready to sell for grease«
Mrs Pocket instantly showed much amiable emotion and said »This is that
odious Sophias doing«
»What do you mean Belinda« demanded Mr Pocket
»Sophia has told you« said Mrs Pocket »Did I not see her with my own
eyes and hear her with my own ears come into the room just now and ask to
speak to you«
»But has she not taken me downstairs Belinda« returned Mr Pocket »and
shown me the woman and the bundle too«
»And do you defend her Matthew« said Mrs Pocket »for making mischief«
Mr Pocket uttered a dismal groan
»Am I grandpapas granddaughter to be nothing in the house« said Mrs
Pocket »Besides the cook has always been a very nice respectful woman and
said in the most natural manner when she came to look after the situation that
she felt I was born to be a Duchess«
There was a sofa where Mr Pocket stood and he dropped upon it in the
attitude of a Dying Gladiator Still in that attitude he said with a hollow
voice »Good night Mr Pip« when I deemed it advisable to go to bed and leave
him
Chapter XXIV
After two or three days when I had established myself in my room and had gone
backwards and forwards to London several times and had ordered all I wanted of
my tradesmen Mr Pocket and I had a long talk together He knew more of my
intended career than I knew myself for he referred to his having been told by
Mr Jaggers that I was not designed for any profession and that I should be
well enough educated for my destiny if I could hold my own with the average of
young men in prosperous circumstances I acquiesced of course knowing nothing
to the contrary
He advised my attending certain places in London for the acquisition of
such mere rudiments as I wanted and my investing him with the functions of
explainer and director of all my studies He hoped that with intelligent
assistance I should meet with little to discourage me and should soon be able
to dispense with any aid but his Through his way of saying this and much more
to similar purpose he placed himself on confidential terms with me in an
admirable manner and I may state at once that he was always so zealous and
honourable in fulfilling his compact with me that he made me zealous and
honourable in fulfilling mine with him If he had shown indifference as a
master I have no doubt I should have returned the compliment as a pupil he
gave me no such excuse and each of us did the other justice Nor did I ever
regard him as having anything ludicrous about him or anything but what was
serious honest and good in his tutor communication with me
When these points were settled and so far carried out as that I had begun
to work in earnest it occurred to me that if I could retain my bedroom in
Barnards Inn my life would be agreeably varied while my manners would be none
the worse for Herberts society Mr Pocket did not object to this arrangement
but urged that before any step could possibly be taken in it it must be
submitted to my guardian I felt that his delicacy arose out of the
consideration that the plan would save Herbert some expense so I went off to
Little Britain and imparted my wish to Mr Jaggers
»If I could buy the furniture now hired for me« said I »and one or two
other little things I should be quite at home there«
»Go it« said Mr Jaggers with a short laugh »I told you youd get on
Well How much do you want«
I said I didnt know how much
»Come« retorted Mr Jaggers »How much Fifty pounds«
»Oh not nearly so much«
»Five pounds« said Mr Jaggers
This was such a great fall that I said in discomfiture »Oh more than
that«
»More than that eh« retorted Mr Jaggers lying in wait for me with his
hands in his pockets his head on one side and his eyes on the wall behind me
»how much more«
»It is so difficult to fix a sum« said I hesitating
»Come« said Mr Jaggers »Lets get at it Twice five will that do Three
times five will that do Four times five will that do«
I said I thought that would do handsomely
»Four times five will do handsomely will it« said Mr Jaggers knitting
his brows »Now what do you make of four times five«
»What do I make of it«
»Ah« said Mr Jaggers »how much«
»I suppose you make it twenty pounds« said I smiling
»Never mind what I make it my friend« observed Mr Jaggers with a knowing
and contradictory toss of the head »I want to know what you make it«
»Twenty pounds of course«
»Wemmick« said Mr Jaggers opening his office door »Take Mr Pips
written order and pay him twenty pounds«
This strongly marked way of doing business made a strongly marked impression
on me and that not of an agreeable kind Mr Jaggers never laughed but he wore
great bright creaking boots and in poising himself on those boots with his
large head bent down and his eyebrows joined together awaiting an answer he
sometimes caused the boots to creak as if they laughed in a dry and suspicious
way As he happened to go out now and as Wemmick was brisk and talkative I
said to Wemmick that I hardly knew what to make of Mr Jaggerss manner
»Tell him that and hell take it as a compliment« answered Wemmick »he
dont mean that you should know what to make of it Oh« for I looked
surprised »its not personal its professional only professional«
Wemmick was at his desk lunching and crunching on a dry hard biscuit
pieces of which he threw from time to time into his slit of a mouth as if he
were posting them
»Always seems to me« said Wemmick »as if he had set a mantrap and was
watching it Suddenly click youre caught«
Without remarking that mantraps were not among the amenities of life I
said I supposed he was very skilful
»Deep« said Wemmick »as Australia« Pointing with his pen at the office
floor to express that Australia was understood for the purposes of the figure
to be symmetrically on the opposite spot of the globe »If there was anything
deeper« added Wemmick bringing his pen to paper »hed be it«
Then I said I supposed he had a fine business and Wemmick said
»Capital« Then I asked if there were many clerks to which he replied
»We dont run much into clerks because theres only one Jaggers and people
wont have him at secondhand There are only four of us Would you like to see
em You are one of us as I may say«
I accepted the offer When Mr Wemmick had put all the biscuit into the
post and had paid me my money from a cashbox in a safe the key of which safe
he kept somewhere down his back and produced from his coatcollar like an iron
pigtail we went upstairs The house was dark and shabby and the greasy
shoulders that had left their mark in Mr Jaggerss room seemed to have been
shuffling up and down the staircase for years In the front first floor a clerk
who looked something between a publican and a ratcatcher a large pale puffed
swollen man was attentively engaged with three or four people of shabby
appearance whom he treated as unceremoniously as everybody seemed to be treated
who contributed to Mr Jaggerss coffers »Getting evidence together« said Mr
Wemmick as we came out »for the Bailey« In the room over that a little
flabby terrier of a clerk with dangling hair his cropping seemed to have been
forgotten when he was a puppy was similarly engaged with a man with weak eyes
whom Mr Wemmick presented to me as a smelter who kept his pot always boiling
and who would melt me anything I pleased and who was in an excessive
whiteperspiration as if he had been trying his art on himself In a back room
a highshouldered man with a faceache tied up in dirty flannel who was dressed
in old black clothes that bore the appearance of having been waxed was stooping
over his work of making fair copies of the notes of the other two gentlemen for
Mr Jaggerss own use
This was all the establishment When we went downstairs again Wemmick led
me into my guardians room and said »This youve seen already«
»Pray« said I as the two odious casts with the twitchy leer upon them
caught my sight again »whose likenesses are those«
»These« said Wemmick getting upon a chair and blowing the dust off the
horrible heads before bringing them down »These are two celebrated ones Famous
clients of ours that got us a world of credit This chap why you must have come
down in the night and been peeping into the inkstand to get this blot upon your
eyebrow you old rascal murdered his master and considering that he wasnt
brought up to evidence didnt plan it badly«
»Is it like him« I asked recoiling from the brute as Wemmick spat upon
his eyebrow and gave it a rub with his sleeve
»Like him Its himself you know The cast was made in Newgate directly
after he was taken down You had a particular fancy for me hadnt you Old
Artful« said Wemmick He then explained this affectionate apostrophe by
touching his brooch representing the lady and the weeping willow at the tomb
with the urn upon it and said »Had it made for me express«
»Is the lady anybody« said I
»No« returned Wemmick »Only his game You liked your bit of game didnt
you No deuce a bit of a lady in the case Mr Pip except one and she
wasnt of this slender ladylike sort and you wouldnt have caught her looking
after this urn unless there was something to drink in it« Wemmicks attention
being thus directed to his brooch he put down the cast and polished the brooch
with his pockethandkerchief
»Did that other creature come to the same end« I asked »He has the same
look«
»Youre right« said Wemmick »its the genuine look Much as if one nostril
was caught up with a horsehair and a little fishhook Yes he came to the same
end quite the natural end here I assure you He forged wills this blade did
if he didnt also put the supposed testators to sleep too You were a
gentlemanly Cove though« Mr Wemmick was again apostrophising »and you said
you could write Greek Yah Bounceable What a liar you were I never met such a
liar as you« Before putting his late friend on his shelf again Wemmick touched
the largest of his mourning rings and said »Sent out to buy it for me only
the day before«
While he was putting up the other cast and coming down from the chair the
thought crossed my mind that all his personal jewellery was derived from like
sources As he had shown no diffidence on the subject I ventured on the liberty
of asking him the question when he stood before me dusting his hands
»Oh yes« he returned »these are all gifts of that kind One brings
another you see thats the way of it I always take em Theyre curiosities
And theyre property They may not be worth much but after all theyre
property and portable It dont signify to you with your brilliant lookout but
as to myself my guidingstar always is Get hold of portable property«
When I had rendered homage to this light he went on to say in a friendly
manner
»If at any odd time when you have nothing better to do you wouldnt mind
coming over to see me at Walworth I could offer you a bed and I should
consider it an honour I have not much to show you but such two or three
curiosities as I have got you might like to look over and I am fond of a bit
of garden and a summerhouse«
I said I should be delighted to accept his hospitality
»Thankee« said he »then well consider that its to come off when
convenient to you Have you dined with Mr Jaggers yet«
»Not yet«
»Well« said Wemmick »hell give you wine and good wine Ill give you
punch and not bad punch And now Ill tell you something When you go to dine
with Mr Jaggers look at his housekeeper«
»Shall I see something very uncommon«
»Well« said Wemmick »youll see a wild beast tamed Not so very uncommon
youll tell me I reply that depends on the original wildness of the beast and
the amount of taming It wont lower your opinion of Mr Jaggerss powers Keep
your eye on it«
I told him I would do so with all the interest and curiosity that his
preparation awakened As I was taking my departure he asked me if I would like
to devote five minutes to seeing Mr Jaggers »at it«
For several reasons and not least because I didnt clearly know what Mr
Jaggers would be found to be at I replied in the affirmative We dived into the
City and came up in a crowded policecourt where a bloodrelation in the
murderous sense of the deceased with the fanciful taste in brooches was
standing at the bar uncomfortably chewing something while my guardian had a
woman under examination or crossexamination I dont know which and was
striking her and the bench and everybody with awe If anybody of whatsoever
degree said a word that he didnt approve of he instantly required to have it
taken down If anybody wouldnt make an admission he said »Ill have it out of
you« and if anybody made an admission he said »Now I have got you« The
magistrates shivered under a single bite of his finger Thieves and thieftakers
hung in dread rapture on his words and shrank when a hair of his eyebrows
turned in their direction Which side he was on I couldnt make out for he
seemed to me to be grinding the whole place in a mill I only know that when I
stole out on tiptoe he was not on the side of the bench for he was making the
legs of the old gentleman who presided quite convulsive under the table by his
denunciations of his conduct as the representative of British law and justice in
that chair that day
Chapter XXV
Bentley Drummle who was so sulky a fellow that he even took up a book as if its
writer had done him an injury did not take up an acquaintance in a more
agreeable spirit Heavy in figure movement and comprehension in the sluggish
complexion of his face and in the large awkward tongue that seemed to loll
about in his mouth as he himself lolled about in a room he was idle proud
niggardly reserved and suspicious He came of rich people down in
Somersetshire who had nursed this combination of qualities until they made the
discovery that it was just of age and a blockhead Thus Bentley Drummle had
come to Mr Pocket when he was a head taller than that gentleman and half a
dozen heads thicker than most gentlemen
Startop had been spoiled by a weak mother and kept at home when he ought to
have been at school but he was devotedly attached to her and admired her
beyond measure He had a womans delicacy of feature and was »as you may see
though you never saw her« said Herbert to me »exactly like his mother« It
was but natural that I should take to him much more kindly than to Drummle and
that even in the earliest evenings of our boating he and I should pull
homeward abreast of one another conversing from boat to boat while Bentley
Drummle came up in our wake alone under the overhanging banks and among the
rushes He would always creep inshore like some uncomfortable amphibious
creature even when the tide would have sent him fast upon his way and I always
think of him as coming after us in the dark or by the backwater when our own
two boats were breaking the sunset or the moonlight in midstream
Herbert was my intimate companion and friend I presented him with a
halfshare in my boat which was the occasion of his often coming down to
Hammersmith and my possession of a halfshare in his chambers often took me up
to London We used to walk between the two places at all hours I have an
affection for the road yet though it is not so pleasant a road as it was then
formed in the impressibility of untried youth and hope
When I had been in Mr Pockets family a month or two Mr and Mrs Camilla
turned up Camilla was Mr Pockets sister Georgiana whom I had seen at Miss
Havishams on the same occasion also turned up She was a cousin an
indigestive single woman who called her rigidity religion and her liver love
These people hated me with the hatred of cupidity and disappointment As a
matter of course they fawned upon me in my prosperity with the basest meanness
Towards Mr Pocket as a grownup infant with no notion of his own interests
they showed the complacent forbearance I had heard them express Mrs Pocket
they held in contempt but they allowed the poor soul to have been heavily
disappointed in life because that shed a feeble reflected light upon
themselves
These were the surroundings among which I settled down and applied myself
to my education I soon contracted expensive habits and began to spend an
amount of money that within a few short months I should have thought almost
fabulous but through good and evil I stuck to my books There was no other
merit in this than my having sense enough to feel my deficiencies Between Mr
Pocket and Herbert I got on fast and with one or the other always at my elbow
to give me the start I wanted and clear obstructions out of my road I must
have been as great a dolt as Drummle if I had done less
I had not seen Mr Wemmick for some weeks when I thought I would write him
a note and propose to go home with him on a certain evening He replied that it
would give him much pleasure and that he would expect me at the office at six
oclock Thither I went and there I found him putting the key of his safe down
his back as the clock struck
»Did you think of walking down to Walworth« said he
»Certainly« said I »if you approve«
»Very much« was Wemmicks reply »for I have had my legs under the desk all
day and shall be glad to stretch them Now Ill tell you what Ive got for
supper Mr Pip I have got a stewed steak which is of home preparation and
a cold roast fowl which is from the cooksshop I think its tender because
the master of the shop was a Juryman in some cases of ours the other day and
we let him down easy I reminded him of it when I bought the fowl and I said
Pick us out a good one old Briton because if we had chosen to keep you in the
box another day or two we could have done it He said to that Let me make you
a present of the best fowl in the shop I let him of course As far as it goes
its property and portable You dont object to an aged parent I hope«
I really thought he was still speaking of the fowl until he added »Because
I have got an aged parent at my place« I then said what politeness required
»So you havent dined with Mr Jaggers yet« he pursued as we walked along
»Not yet«
»He told me so this afternoon when he heard you were coming I expect youll
have an invitation tomorrow Hes going to ask your pals too Three of em
aint there«
Although I was not in the habit of counting Drummle as one of my intimate
associates I answered »Yes«
»Well hes going to ask the whole gang« I hardly felt complimented by the
word »and whatever he gives you hell give you good Dont look forward to
variety but youll have excellence And theres another rum thing in his
house« proceeded Wemmick after a moments pause as if the remark followed on
the housekeeper understood »he never lets a door or window be fastened at
night«
»Is he never robbed«
»Thats it« returned Wemmick »He says and gives it out publicly I want
to see the man wholl rob me Lord bless you I have heard him a hundred times
if I have heard once say to regular cracksmen in our front office You know
where I live now no bolt is ever drawn there why dont you do a stroke of
business with me Come cant I tempt you Not a man of them sir would be bold
enough to try it on for love or money«
»They dread him so much« said I
»Dread him« said Wemmick »I believe you they dread him Not but what hes
artful even in his defiance of them No silver sir Britannia metal every
spoon«
»So they wouldnt have much« I observed »even if they «
»Ah But he would have much« said Wemmick cutting me short »and they know
it Hed have their lives and the lives of scores of em Hed have all he
could get And its impossible to say what he couldnt get if he gave his mind
to it«
I was falling into meditation on my guardians greatness when Wemmick
remarked
»As to the absence of plate thats only his natural depth you know A
rivers its natural depth and hes his natural depth Look at his watchchain
Thats real enough«
»Its very massive« said I
»Massive« repeated Wemmick »I think so And his watch is a gold repeater
and worth a hundred pound if its worth a penny Mr Pip there are about seven
hundred thieves in this town who know all about that watch theres not a man a
woman or a child among them who wouldnt identify the smallest link in that
chain and drop it as if it was redhot if inveigled into touching it«
At first with such discourse and afterwards with conversation of a more
general nature did Mr Wemmick and I beguile the time and the road until he
gave me to understand that we had arrived in the district of Walworth
It appeared to be a collection of black lanes ditches and little gardens
and to present the aspect of a rather dull retirement Wemmicks house was a
little wooden cottage in the midst of plots of garden and the top of it was cut
out and painted like a battery mounted with guns
»My own doing« said Wemmick »Looks pretty dont it«
I highly commended it I think it was the smallest house I ever saw with
the queerest gothic windows by far the greater part of them sham and a gothic
door almost too small to get in at
»Thats a real flagstaff you see« said Wemmick »and on Sundays I run up a
real flag Then look here After I have crossed this bridge I hoist it up so
and cut off the communication«
The bridge was a plank and it crossed a chasm about four feet wide and two
deep But it was very pleasant to see the pride with which he hoisted it up and
made it fast smiling as he did so with a relish and not merely mechanically
»At nine oclock every night Greenwich time« said Wemmick »the gun fires
There he is you see And when you hear him go I think youll say hes a
Stinger«
The piece of ordnance referred to was mounted in a separate fortress
constructed of latticework It was protected from the weather by an ingenious
little tarpaulin contrivance in the nature of an umbrella
»Then at the back« said Wemmick »out of sight so as not to impede the
idea of fortifications for its a principle with me if you have an idea
carry it out and keep it up I dont know whether thats your opinion «
I said decidedly
» At the back theres a pig and there are fowls and rabbits then I knock
together my own little frame you see and grow cucumbers and youll judge at
supper what sort of a salad I can raise So sir« said Wemmick smiling again
but seriously too as he shook his head »if you can suppose the little place
besieged it would hold out a devil of a time in point of provisions«
Then he conducted me to a bower about a dozen yards off but which was
approached by such ingenious twists of path that it took quite a long time to
get at and in this retreat our glasses were already set forth Our punch was
cooling in an ornamental lake on whose margin the bower was raised This piece
of water with an island in the middle which might have been the salad for
supper was of a circular form and he had constructed a fountain in it which
when you set a little mill going and took a cork out of a pipe played to that
powerful extent that it made the back of your hand quite wet
»I am my own engineer and my own carpenter and my own plumber and my own
gardener and my own Jack of all Trades« said Wemmick in acknowledging my
compliments »Well its a good thing you know It brushes the Newgate cobwebs
away and pleases the Aged You wouldnt mind being at once introduced to the
Aged would you It wouldnt put you out«
I expressed the readiness I felt and we went into the castle There we
found sitting by a fire a very old man in a flannel coat clean cheerful
comfortable and well cared for but intensely deaf
»Well aged parent« said Wemmick shaking hands with him in a cordial and
jocose way »how am you«
»All right John all right« replied the old man
»Heres Mr Pip aged parent« said Wemmick »and I wish you could hear his
name Nod away at him Mr Pip thats what he likes Nod away at him if you
please like winking«
»This is a fine place of my sons sir« cried the old man while I nodded
as hard as I possibly could »This is a pretty pleasureground sir This spot
and these beautiful works upon it ought to be kept together by the Nation after
my sons time for the peoples enjoyment«
»Youre as proud of it as Punch aint you Aged« said Wemmick
contemplating the old man with his hard face really softened »theres a nod
for you« giving him a tremendous one »theres another for you« giving him a
still more tremendous one »you like that dont you If youre not tired Mr
Pip though I know its tiring to strangers will you tip him one more You
cant think how it pleases him«
I tipped him several more and he was in great spirits We left him
bestirring himself to feed the fowls and we sat down to our punch in the
arbour where Wemmick told me as he smoked a pipe that it had taken him a good
many years to bring the property up to its present pitch of perfection
»Is it your own Mr Wemmick«
»O yes« said Wemmick »I have got hold of it a bit at a time Its a
freehold by George«
»Is it indeed I hope Mr Jaggers admires it«
»Never seen it« said Wemmick »Never heard of it Never seen the Aged
Never heard of him No the office is one thing and private life is another
When I go into the office I leave the Castle behind me and when I come into
the Castle I leave the office behind me If its not in any way disagreeable to
you youll oblige me by doing the same I dont wish it professionally spoken
about«
Of course I felt my good faith involved in the observance of his request
The punch being very nice we sat there drinking it and talking until it was
almost nine oclock »Getting near gunfire« said Wemmick then as he laid down
his pipe »its the Ageds treat«
Proceeding into the Castle again we found the Aged heating the poker with
expectant eyes as a preliminary to the performance of this great nightly
ceremony Wemmick stood with his watch in his hand until the moment was come for
him to take the redhot poker from the Aged and repair to the battery He took
it and went out and presently the Stinger went off with a bang that shook the
crazy little box of a cottage as if it must fall to pieces and made every glass
and teacup in it ring Upon this the Aged who I believe would have been blown
out of his armchair but for holding on by the elbows cried out exultingly
»Hes fired I heerd him« and I nodded at the old gentleman until it is no
figure of speech to declare that I absolutely could not see him
The interval between that time and supper Wemmick devoted to showing me his
collection of curiosities They were mostly of a felonious character comprising
the pen with which a celebrated forgery had been committed a distinguished
razor or two some locks of hair and several manuscript confessions written
under condemnation upon which Mr Wemmick set particular value as being to
use his own words »every one of em Lies sir« These were agreeably dispersed
among small specimens of china and glass various neat trifles made by the
proprietor of the museum and some tobaccostoppers carved by the Aged They
were all displayed in that chamber of the Castle into which I had been first
inducted and which served not only as the general sittingroom but as the
kitchen too if I might judge from a saucepan on the hob and a brazen bijou
over the fireplace designed for the suspension of a roastingjack
There was a neat little girl in attendance who looked after the Aged in the
day When she had laid the suppercloth the bridge was lowered to give her the
means of egress and she withdrew for the night The supper was excellent and
though the Castle was rather subject to dryrot insomuch that it tasted like a
bad nut and though the pig might have been farther off I was heartily pleased
with my whole entertainment Nor was there any drawback on my little turret
bedroom beyond there being such a very thin ceiling between me and the
flagstaff that when I lay down on my back in bed it seemed as if I had to
balance that pole on my forehead all night
Wemmick was up early in the morning and I am afraid I heard him cleaning my
boots After that he fell to gardening and I saw him from my gothic window
pretending to employ the Aged and nodding at him in a most devoted manner Our
breakfast was as good as the supper and at halfpast eight precisely we started
for Little Britain By degrees Wemmick got dryer and harder as we went along
and his mouth tightened into a postoffice again At last when we got to his
place of business and he pulled out his key from his coatcollar he looked as
unconscious of his Walworth property as if the Castle and the drawbridge and the
arbour and the lake and the fountain and the Aged had all been blown into space
together by the last discharge of the Stinger
Chapter XXVI
It fell out as Wemmick had told me it would that I had an early opportunity of
comparing my guardians establishment with that of his cashier and clerk My
guardian was in his room washing his hands with his scented soap when I went
into the office from Walworth and he called me to him and gave me the
invitation for myself and friends which Wemmick had prepared me to receive »No
ceremony« he stipulated »and no dinner dress and say tomorrow« I asked him
where we should come to for I had no idea where he lived and I believe it was
in his general objection to make anything like an admission that he replied
»Come here and Ill take you home with me« I embrace this opportunity of
remarking that he washed his clients off as if it were a surgeon or a dentist
He had a closet in his room fitted up for the purpose which smelt of the
scented soap like a perfumers shop It had an unusually large jacktowel on a
roller inside the door and he would wash his hands and wipe them and dry them
all over this towel whenever he came in from a policecourt or dismissed a
client from his room When I and my friends repaired to him at six oclock next
day he seemed to have been engaged on a case of a darker complexion than usual
for we found him with his head butted into this closet not only washing his
hands but laving his face and gargling his throat And even when he had done
all that and had gone all round the jacktowel he took out his penknife and
scraped the case out of his nails before he put his coat on
There were some people slinking about as usual when we passed out into the
street who were evidently anxious to speak with him but there was something so
conclusive in the halo of scented soap which encircled his presence that they
gave it up for that day As we walked along westward he was recognised ever and
again by some face in the crowd of the streets and whenever that happened he
talked louder to me but he never otherwise recognised anybody or took notice
that anybody recognised him
He conducted us to Gerrardstreet Soho to a house on the south side of
that street rather a stately house of its kind but dolefully in want of
painting and with dirty windows He took out his key and opened the door and
we all went into a stone hall bare gloomy and little used So up a dark
brown staircase into a series of three dark brown rooms on the first floor
There were carved garlands on the panelled walls and as he stood among them
giving us welcome I know what kind of loops I thought they looked like
Dinner was laid in the best of these rooms the second was his
dressingroom the third his bedroom He told us that he held the whole house
but rarely used more of it than we saw The table was comfortably laid no
silver in the service of course and at the side of his chair was a capacious
dumbwaiter with a variety of bottles and decanters on it and four dishes of
fruit for dessert I noticed throughout that he kept everything under his own
hand and distributed everything himself
There was a bookcase in the room I saw from the backs of the books that
they were about evidence criminal law criminal biography trials acts of
parliament and such things The furniture was all very solid and good like his
watchchain It had an official look however and there was nothing merely
ornamental to be seen In a corner was a little table of papers with a shaded
lamp so that he seemed to bring the office home with him in that respect too
and to wheel it out of an evening and fall to work
As he had scarcely seen my three companions until now for he and I had
walked together he stood on the hearthrug after ringing the bell and took a
searching look at them To my surprise he seemed at once to be principally if
not solely interested in Drummle
»Pip« said he putting his large hand on my shoulder and moving me to the
window »I dont know one from the other Whos the Spider«
»The spider« said I
»The blotchy sprawly sulky fellow«
»Thats Bentley Drummle« I replied »the one with the delicate face is
Startop«
Not making the least account of »the one with the delicate face« he
returned »Bentley Drummle is his name is it I like the look of that fellow«
He immediately began to talk to Drummle not at all deterred by his replying
in his heavy reticent way but apparently led on by it to screw discourse out of
him I was looking at the two when there came between me and them the
housekeeper with the first dish for the table
She was a woman of about forty I supposed but I may have thought her
younger than she was Rather tall of a lithe nimble figure extremely pale
with large faded eyes and a quantity of streaming hair I cannot say whether
any diseased affection of the heart caused her lips to be parted as if she were
panting and her face to bear a curious expression of suddenness and flutter
but I know that I had been to see Macbeth at the theatre a night or two before
and that her face looked to me as if it were all disturbed by fiery air like
the faces I had seen rise out of the Witches caldron
She set the dish on touched my guardian quietly on the arm with a finger to
notify that dinner was ready and vanished We took our seats at the round
table and my guardian kept Drummle on one side of him while Startop sat on the
other It was a noble dish of fish that the housekeeper had put on table and we
had a joint of equally choice mutton afterwards and then an equally choice
bird Sauces wines all the accessories we wanted and all of the best were
given out by our host from his dumbwaiter and when they had made the circuit
of the table he always put them back again Similarly he dealt us clean plates
and knives and forks for each course and dropped those just disused into two
baskets on the ground by his chair No other attendant than the housekeeper
appeared She set on every dish and I always saw in her face a face rising out
of the caldron Years afterwards I made a dreadful likeness of that woman by
causing a face that had no other natural resemblance to it than it derived from
flowing hair to pass behind a bowl of flaming spirits in a dark room
Induced to take particular notice of the housekeeper both by her own
striking appearance and by Wemmicks preparation I observed that whenever she
was in the room she kept her eyes attentively on my guardian and that she
would remove her hands from any dish she put before him hesitatingly as if she
dreaded his calling her back and wanted him to speak when she was nigh if he
had anything to say I fancied that I could detect in his manner a consciousness
of this and a purpose of always holding her in suspense
Dinner went off gaily and although my guardian seemed to follow rather
than originate subjects I knew that he wrenched the weakest part of our
dispositions out of us For myself I found that I was expressing my tendency to
lavish expenditure and to patronise Herbert and to boast of my great
prospects before I quite knew that I had opened my lips It was so with all of
us but with no one more than Drummle the development of whose inclination to
gird in a grudging and suspicious way at the rest was screwed out of him before
the fish was taken off
It was not then but when we had got to the cheese that our conversation
turned upon our rowing feats and that Drummle was rallied for coming up behind
of a night in that slow amphibious way of his Drummle upon this informed our
host that he much preferred our room to our company and that as to skill he was
more than our master and that as to strength he could scatter us like chaff By
some invisible agency my guardian wound him up to a pitch little short of
ferocity about this trifle and he fell to baring and spanning his arm to show
how muscular it was and we all fell to baring and spanning our arms in a
ridiculous manner
Now the housekeeper was at that time clearing the table my guardian
taking no heed of her but with the side of his face turned from her was
leaning back in his chair biting the side of his forefinger and showing an
interest in Drummle that to me was quite inexplicable Suddenly he clapped
his large hand on the housekeepers like a trap as she stretched it across the
table So suddenly and smartly did he do this that we all stopped in our
foolish contention
»If you talk of strength« said Mr Jaggers »Ill show you a wrist Molly
let them see your wrist«
Her entrapped hand was on the table but she had already put her other hand
behind her waist »Master« she said in a low voice with her eyes attentively
and entreatingly fixed upon him »Dont«
»Ill show you a wrist« repeated Mr Jaggers with an immovable
determination to show it »Molly let them see your wrist«
»Master« she again murmured »Please«
»Molly« said Mr Jaggers not looking at her but obstinately looking at
the opposite side of the room »let them see both your wrists Show them Come«
He took his hand from hers and turned that wrist up on the table She
brought her other hand from behind her and held the two out side by side The
last wrist was much disfigured deeply scarred and scarred across and across
When she held her hands out she took her eyes from Mr Jaggers and turned them
watchfully on every one of the rest of us in succession
»Theres power here« said Mr Jaggers coolly tracing out the sinews with
his forefinger »Very few men have the power of wrist that this woman has Its
remarkable what mere force of grip there is in these hands I have had occasion
to notice many hands but I never saw stronger in that respect mans or
womans than these«
While he said these words in a leisurely critical style she continued to
look at every one of us in regular succession as we sat The moment he ceased
she looked at him again »Thatll do Molly« said Mr Jaggers giving her a
slight nod »you have been admired and can go« She withdrew her hands and went
out of the room and Mr Jaggers putting the decanters on from his dumbwaiter
filled his glass and passed round the wine
»At halfpast nine gentlemen« said he »we must break up Pray make the
best use of your time I am glad to see you all Mr Drummle I drink to you«
If his object in singling out Drummle were to bring him out still more it
perfectly succeeded In a sulky triumph Drummle showed his morose depreciation
of the rest of us in a more and more offensive degree until he became
downright intolerable Through all his stages Mr Jaggers followed him with the
same strange interest He actually seemed to serve as a zest to Mr Jaggerss
wine
In our boyish want of discretion I dare say we took too much to drink and I
know we talked too much We became particularly hot upon some boorish sneer of
Drummles to the effect that we were too free with our money It led to my
remarking with more zeal than discretion that it came with a bad grace from
him to whom Startop had lent money in my presence but a week or so before
»Well« retorted Drummle »hell be paid«
»I dont mean to imply that he wont« said I »but it might make you hold
your tongue about us and our money I should think«
»You should think« retorted Drummle »Oh Lord«
»I dare say« I went on meaning to be very severe »that you wouldnt lend
money to any of us if we wanted it«
»You are right« said Drummle »I wouldnt lend one of you a sixpence I
wouldnt lend anybody a sixpence«
»Rather mean to borrow under those circumstances I should say«
»You should say« repeated Drummle »Oh Lord«
This was so very aggravating the more especially as I found myself making
no way against his surly obtuseness that I said disregarding Herberts
efforts to check me
»Come Mr Drummle since we are on the subject Ill tell you what passed
between Herbert here and me when you borrowed that money«
»I dont want to know what passed between Herbert there and you« growled
Drummle And I think he added in a lower growl that we might both go to the
devil and shake ourselves
»Ill tell you however« said I »whether you want to know or not We said
that as you put it into your pocket very glad to get it you seemed to be
immensely amused at his being so weak as to lend it«
Drummle laughed outright and sat laughing in our faces with his hands in
his pockets and his round shoulders raised plainly signifying that it was quite
true and that he despised us as asses all
Hereupon Startop took him in hand though with a much better grace than I
had shown and exhorted him to be a little more agreeable Startop being a
lively bright young fellow and Drummle being the exact opposite the latter was
always disposed to resent him as a direct personal affront He now retorted in a
coarse lumpish way and Startop tried to turn the discussion aside with some
small pleasantry that made us all laugh Resenting this little success more than
anything Drummle without any threat or warning pulled his hands out of his
pockets dropped his round shoulders swore took up a large glass and would
have flung it at his adversarys head but for our entertainers dexterously
seizing it at the instant when it was raised for that purpose
»Gentlemen« said Mr Jaggers deliberately putting down the glass and
hauling out his gold repeater by its massive chain »I am exceedingly sorry to
announce that its halfpast nine«
On this hint we all rose to depart Before we got to the street door
Startop was cheerily calling Drummle old boy as if nothing had happened But
the old boy was so far from responding that he would not even walk to
Hammersmith on the same side of the way so Herbert and I who remained in
town saw them going down the street on opposite sides Startop leading and
Drummle lagging behind in the shadow of the houses much as he was wont to
follow in his boat
As the door was not yet shut I thought I would leave Herbert there for a
moment and run upstairs again to say a word to my guardian I found him in his
dressingroom surrounded by his stock of boots already hard at it washing his
hands of us
I told him I had come up again to say how sorry I was that anything
disagreeable should have occurred and that I hoped he would not blame me much
»Pooh« said he sluicing his face and speaking through the waterdrops
»its nothing Pip I like that Spider though«
He had turned towards me now and was shaking his head and blowing and
towelling himself
»I am glad you like him sir« said I »but I dont«
»No no« my guardian assented »dont have too much to do with him Keep as
clear of him as you can But I like the fellow Pip he is one of the true sort
Why if I was a fortuneteller «
Looking out of the towel he caught my eye
»But I am not a fortuneteller« he said letting his head drop into a
festoon of towel and towelling away at his two ears »You know what I am dont
you Good night Pip«
»Good night sir«
In about a month after that the Spiders time with Mr Pocket was up for
good and to the great relief of all the house but Mrs Pocket he went home to
the family hole
Chapter XXVII
»My dear Mr Pip
I write this by request of Mr Gargery for to let you know that he
is going to London in company with Mr Wopsle and would be glad if
agreeable to be allowed to see you He would call at Barnards Hotel
Tuesday morning at nine oclock when if not agreeable please word Your
poor sister is much the same as when you left We talk of you in the
kitchen every night and wonder what you are saying and doing If now
considered in the light of a liberty excuse it for the love of poor old
days No more dear Mr Pip from
Your ever obliged and affectionate servant
BIDDY
PS He wishes me most particular to write what larks He says you will
understand I hope and do not doubt it will be agreeable to see him even
though a gentleman for you had ever a good heart and he is a worthy
worthy man I have read him all excepting only the last little sentence
and he wishes me most particular to write again what larks«
I received this letter by post on Monday morning and therefore its appointment
was for next day Let me confess exactly with what feelings I looked forward to
Joes coming
Not with pleasure though I was bound to him by so many ties no with
considerable disturbance some mortification and a keen sense of incongruity
If I could have kept him away by paying money I certainly would have paid
money My greatest reassurance was that he was coming to Barnards Inn not to
Hammersmith and consequently would not fall in Bentley Drummles way I had
little objection to his being seen by Herbert or his father for both of whom I
had a respect but I had the sharpest sensitiveness as to his being seen by
Drummle whom I held in contempt So throughout life our worst weaknesses and
meannesses are usually committed for the sake of the people whom we most
despise
I had begun to be always decorating the chambers in some quite unnecessary
and inappropriate way or other and very expensive those wrestles with Barnard
proved to be By this time the rooms were vastly different from what I had
found them and I enjoyed the honour of occupying a few prominent pages in the
books of a neighbouring upholsterer I had got on so fast of late that I had
even started a boy in boots top boots in bondage and slavery to whom I might
be said to pass my days For after I had made this monster out of the refuse
of my washerwomans family and had clothed him with a blue coat canary
waistcoat white cravat creamy breeches and the boots already mentioned I had
to find him a little to do and a great deal to eat and with both of these
horrible requirements he haunted my existence
This avenging phantom was ordered to be on duty at eight on Tuesday morning
in the hall it was two feet square as charged for floorcloth and Herbert
suggested certain things for breakfast that he thought Joe would like While I
felt sincerely obliged to him for being so interested and considerate I had an
odd halfprovoked sense of suspicion upon me that if Joe had been coming to see
him he wouldnt have been quite so brisk about it
However I came into town on the Monday night to be ready for Joe and I got
up early in the morning and caused the sittingroom and breakfasttable to
assume their most splendid appearance Unfortunately the morning was drizzly
and an angel could not have concealed the fact that Barnard was shedding sooty
tears outside the window like some weak giant of a Sweep
As the time approached I should have liked to run away but the Avenger
pursuant to orders was in the hall and presently I heard Joe on the staircase
I knew it was Joe by his clumsy manner of coming upstairs his state boots
being always too big for him and by the time it took him to read the names on
the other floors in the course of his ascent When at last he stopped outside
our door I could hear his finger tracing over the painted letters of my name
and I afterwards distinctly heard him breathing in at the keyhole Finally he
gave a faint single rap and Pepper such was the compromising name of the
avenging boy announced »Mr Gargery« I thought he never would have done
wiping his feet and that I must have gone out to lift him off the mat but at
last he came in
»Joe how are you Joe«
»Pip how AIR you Pip«
With his good honest face all glowing and shining and his hat put down on
the floor between us he caught both my hands and worked them straight up and
down as if I had been the lastpatented Pump
»I am glad to see you Joe Give me your hat«
But Joe taking it up carefully with both hands like a birdsnest with
eggs in it wouldnt hear of parting with that piece of property and persisted
in standing talking over it in a most uncomfortable way
»Which you have that growed« said Joe »and that swelled and that
gentlefolked« Joe considered a little before he discovered this word »as to
besure you are a honour to your king and country«
»And you Joe look wonderfully well«
»Thank God« said Joe »Im ekerval to most And your sister shes no worse
than she were And Biddy shes ever right and ready And all friends is no
backerder if not no forarder Ceptin Wopsle hes had a drop«
All this time still with both hands taking great care of the birdsnest
Joe was rolling his eyes round and round the room and round and round the
flowered pattern of my dressinggown
»Had a drop Joe«
»Why yes« said Joe lowering his voice »hes left the Church and went into
the playacting Which the playacting have likewise brought him to London along
with me And his wish were« said Joe getting the birdsnest under his left
arm for the moment and groping in it for an egg with his right »if no offence
as I would and you that«
I took what Joe gave me and found it to be the crumpled playbill of a small
metropolitan theatre announcing the first appearance in that very week of
»the celebrated Provincial Amateur of Roscian renown whose unique performance
in the highest tragic walk of our National Bard has lately occasioned so great a
sensation in local dramatic circles«
»Were you at his performance Joe« I inquired
»I were« said Joe with emphasis and solemnity
»Was there a great sensation«
»Why« said Joe »yes there certainly were a peck of orangepeel
Partickler when he see the ghost Though I put it to yourself sir whether it
were calclated to keep a man up to his work with a good hart to be
continiwally cutting in betwixt him and the Ghost with Amen A man may have had
a misfortun and been in the Church« said Joe lowering his voice to an
argumentative and feeling tone »but that is no reason why you should put him
out at such a time Which I meantersay if the ghost of a mans own father
cannot be allowed to claim his attention what can Sir Still more when his
mourning at is unfortunately made so small as that the weight of the black
feathers brings it off try to keep it on how you may«
A ghostseeing effect in Joes own countenance informed me that Herbert had
entered the room So I presented Joe to Herbert who held out his hand but Joe
backed from it and held on by the birdsnest
»Your servant Sir« said Joe »which I hope as you and Pip« here his eye
fell on the Avenger who was putting some toast on table and so plainly denoted
an intention to make that young gentleman one of the family that I frowned it
down and confused him more »I meantersay you two gentlemen which I hope as
you gets your elths in this close spot For the present may be a wery good inn
according to London opinions« said Joe confidentially »and I believe its
character do stand i but I wouldnt keep a pig in it myself not in the case
that I wished him to fatten wholesome and to eat with a meller flavour on him«
Having borne this flattering testimony to the merits of our dwellingplace
and having incidentally shown this tendency to call me sir Joe being invited
to sit down to table looked all round the room for a suitable spot on which to
deposit his hat as if it were only on some few very rare substances in nature
that it could find a restingplace and ultimately stood it on an extreme
corner of the chimneypiece from which it ever afterwards fell off at
intervals
»Do you take tea or coffee Mr Gargery« asked Herbert who always
presided of a morning
»Thankee Sir« said Joe stiff from head to foot »Ill take whichever is
most agreeable to yourself«
»What do you say to coffee«
»Thankee Sir« returned Joe evidently dispirited by the proposal »since
you are so kind as make chice of coffee I will not run contrairy to your own
opinions But dont you never find it a little eating«
»Say tea then« said Herbert pouring it out
Here Joes hat tumbled off the mantelpiece and he started out of his chair
and picked it up and fitted it to the same exact spot As if it were an
absolute point of good breeding that it should tumble off again soon
»When did you come to town Mr Gargery«
»Were it yesterday afternoon« said Joe after coughing behind his hand as
if he had had time to catch the whoopingcough since he came »No it were not
Yes it were Yes It were yesterday afternoon« with an appearance of mingled
wisdom relief and strict impartiality
»Have you seen anything of London yet«
»Why yes Sir« said Joe »me and Wopsle went off straight to look at the
Blacking Wareus But we didnt find that it come up to its likeness in the red
bills at the shop doors which I meantersay« added Joe in an explanatory
manner »as it is there drawd too architectooralooral«
I really believe Joe would have prolonged this word mightily expressive to
my mind of some architecture that I know into a perfect Chorus but for his
attention being providentially attracted by his hat which was toppling Indeed
it demanded from him a constant attention and a quickness of eye and hand very
like that exacted by wicketkeeping He made extraordinary play with it and
showed the greatest skill now rushing at it and catching it neatly as it
dropped now merely stopping it midway beating it up and humouring it in
various parts of the room and against a good deal of the pattern of the paper on
the wall before he felt it safe to close with it finally splashing it into the
slopbasin where I took the liberty of laying hands upon it
As to his shirtcollar and his coatcollar they were perplexing to reflect
upon insoluble mysteries both Why should a man scrape himself to that extent
before he could consider himself full dressed Why should he suppose it
necessary to be purified by suffering for his holiday clothes Then he fell into
such unaccountable fits of meditation with his fork midway between his plate
and his mouth had his eyes attracted in such strange directions was afflicted
with such remarkable coughs sat so far from the table and dropped so much more
than he ate and pretended that he hadnt dropped it that I was heartily glad
when Herbert left us for the city
I had neither the good sense nor the good feeling to know that this was all
my fault and that if I had been easier with Joe Joe would have been easier
with me I felt impatient of him and out of temper with him in which condition
he heaped coals of fire on my head
»Us two being now alone Sir« began Joe
»Joe« I interrupted pettishly »how can you call me Sir«
Joe looked at me for a single instant with something faintly like reproach
Utterly preposterous as his cravat was and as his collars were I was conscious
of a sort of dignity in the look
»Us two being now alone« resumed Joe »and me having the intentions and
abilities to stay not many minutes more I will now conclude leastways begin
to mention what have led to my having had the present honour For was it not«
said Joe with his old air of lucid exposition »that my only wish were to be
useful to you I should not have had the honour of breaking wittles in the
company and abode of gentlemen«
I was so unwilling to see the look again that I made no remonstrance
against this tone
»Well Sir« pursued Joe »this is how it were I were at the Bargemen
tother night Pip« whenever he subsided into affection he called me Pip and
whenever he relapsed into politeness he called me Sir »when there come up in
his shaycart Pumblechook Which that same identical« said Joe going down a
new track »do comb my air the wrong way sometimes awful by giving out up and
down town as it were him which ever had your infant companionation and were
looked upon as a playfellow by yourself«
»Nonsense It was you Joe«
»Which I fully believed it were Pip« said Joe slightly tossing his head
»though it signify little now Sir Well Pip this same identical which his
manners is given to blusterous come to me at the Bargemen wot a pipe and a
pint of beer do give refreshment to the workingman Sir and do not over
stimulate and his word were Joseph Miss Havisham she wish to speak to you «
»Miss Havisham Joe«
» She wished were Pumblechooks word to speak to you « Joe sat and rolled
his eyes at the ceiling
»Yes Joe Go on please«
»Next day Sir« said Joe looking at me as if I were a long way off
»having cleaned myself I go and I see Miss A«
»Miss A Joe Miss Havisham«
»Which I say Sir« replied Joe with an air of legal formality as if he
were making his will »Miss A or otherways Havisham Her expression air then
as follering Mr Gargery You air in correspondence with Mr Pip Having had a
letter from you I were able to say I am When I married your sister Sir I
said I will and when I answered your friend Pip I said I am Would you
tell him then said she that which Estella has come home and would be glad to
see him «
I felt my face fire up as I looked at Joe I hope one remote cause of its
firing may have been my consciousness that if I had known his errand I should
have given him more encouragement
»Biddy« pursued Joe »when I got home and asked her fur to write the
message to you a little hung back Biddy says I know he will be very glad to
have it by word of mouth it is holidaytime you want to see him go I have
now concluded Sir« said Joe rising from his chair »and Pip I wish you ever
well and ever prospering to a greater and greater height«
»But you are not going now Joe«
»Yes I am« said Joe
»But you are coming back to dinner Joe«
»No I am not« said Joe
Our eyes met and all the Sir melted out of that manly heart as he gave me
his hand
»Pip dear old chap life is made of ever so many partings welded together
as I may say and one mans a blacksmith and ones a whitesmith and ones a
goldsmith and ones a coppersmith Diwisions among such must come and must be
met as they come If theres been any fault at all today its mine You and me
is not two figures to be together in London nor yet anywheres else but what is
private and beknown and understood among friends It aint that I am proud
but that I want to be right as you shall never see me no more in these clothes
Im wrong in these clothes Im wrong out of the forge the kitchen or off th
meshes You wont find half so much fault in me if you think of me in my forge
dress with my hammer in my hand or even my pipe You wont find half so much
fault in me if supposing as you should ever wish to see me you come and put
your head in at the forge window and see Joe the blacksmith there at the old
anvil in the old burnt apron sticking to the old work Im awful dull but I
hope Ive beat out something nigh the rights of this at last And so GOD bless
you dear old Pip old chap GOD bless you«
I had not been mistaken in my fancy that there was a simple dignity in him
The fashion of his dress could no more come in its way when he spoke these
words than it could come in its way in Heaven He touched me gently on the
forehead and went out As soon as I could recover myself sufficiently I
hurried out after him and looked for him in the neighbouring streets but he was
gone
Chapter XXVIII
It was clear that I must repair to our town next day and in the first flow of
my repentance it was equally clear that I must stay at Joes But when I had
secured my boxplace by tomorrows coach and had been down to Mr Pockets and
back I was not by any means convinced on the last point and began to invent
reasons and make excuses for putting up at the Blue Boar I should be an
inconvenience at Joes I was not expected and my bed would not be ready I
should be too far from Miss Havishams and she was exacting and mightnt like
it All other swindlers upon earth are nothing to the selfswindlers and with
such pretences did I cheat myself Surely a curious thing That I should
innocently take a bad halfcrown of somebody elses manufacture is reasonable
enough but that I should knowingly reckon the spurious coin of my own make as
good money An obliging stranger under pretence of compactly folding up my
banknotes for securitys sake abstracts the notes and gives me nutshells but
what is his sleight of hand to mine when I fold up my own nutshells and pass
them on myself as notes
Having settled that I must go to the Blue Boar my mind was much disturbed
by indecision whether or no to take the Avenger It was tempting to think of
that expensive Mercenary publicly airing his boots in the archway of the Blue
Boars postingyard it was almost solemn to imagine him casually produced in
the tailors shop and confounding the disrespectful senses of Trabbs boy On
the other hand Trabbs boy might worm himself into his intimacy and tell him
things or reckless and desperate wretch as I knew he could be might hoot him
in the Highstreet My patroness too might hear of him and not approve On
the whole I resolved to leave the Avenger behind
It was the afternoon coach by which I had taken my place and as winter had
now come round I should not arrive at my destination until two or three hours
after dark Our time of starting from the Cross Keys was two oclock I arrived
on the ground with a quarter of an hour to spare attended by the Avenger if I
may connect that expression with one who never attended on me if he could
possibly help it
At that time it was customary to carry Convicts down to the dockyards by
stagecoach As I had often heard of them in the capacity of outside passengers
and had more than once seen them on the high road dangling their ironed legs
over the coach roof I had no cause to be surprised when Herbert meeting me in
the yard came up and told me there were two convicts going down with me But I
had a reason that was an old reason now for constitutionally faltering whenever
I heard the word convict
»You dont mind them Handel« said Herbert
»Oh no«
»I thought you seemed as if you didnt like them«
»I cant pretend that I do like them and I suppose you dont particularly
But I dont mind them«
»See There they are« said Herbert »coming out of the Tap What a degraded
and vile sight it is«
They had been treating their guard I suppose for they had a gaoler with
them and all three came out wiping their mouths on their hands The two
convicts were handcuffed together and had irons on their legs iron of a
pattern that I knew well They wore the dress that I likewise knew well Their
keeper had a brace of pistols and carried a thickknobbed bludgeon under his
arm but he was on terms of good understanding with them and stood with them
beside him looking on at the puttingto of the horses rather with an air as if
the convicts were an interesting Exhibition not formally open at the moment and
he the Curator One was a taller and stouter man than the other and appeared as
a matter of course according to the mysterious ways of the world both convict
and free to have had allotted to him the smaller suit of clothes His arms and
legs were like great pincushions of those shapes and his attire disguised him
absurdly but I knew his halfclosed eye at one glance There stood the man whom
I had seen on the settle at the Three Jolly Bargemen on a Saturday night and
who had brought me down with his invisible gun
It was easy to make sure that as yet he knew me no more than if he had never
seen me in his life He looked across at me and his eye appraised my
watchchain and then he incidentally spat and said something to the other
convict and they laughed and slued themselves round with a clink of their
coupling manacle and looked at something else The great numbers on their
backs as if they were street doors their coarse mangy ungainly outer surface
as if they were lower animals their ironed legs apologetically garlanded with
pockethandkerchiefs and the way in which all present looked at them and kept
from them made them as Herbert had said a most disagreeable and degraded
spectacle
But this was not the worst of it It came out that the whole of the back of
the coach had been taken by a family removing from London and that there were
no places for the two prisoners but on the seat in front behind the coachman
Hereupon a choleric gentleman who had taken the fourth place on that seat
flew into a most violent passion and said that it was a breach of contract to
mix him up with such villainous company and that it was poisonous and
pernicious and infamous and shameful and I dont know what else At this time
the coach was ready and the coachman impatient and we were all preparing to get
up and the prisoners had come over with their keeper bringing with them that
curious flavour of breadpoultice baize ropeyarn and hearthstone which
attends the convict presence
»Dont take it so much amiss sir« pleaded the keeper to the angry
passenger »Ill sit next you myself Ill put em on the outside of the row
They wont interfere with you sir You neednt know theyre there«
»And dont blame me« growled the convict I had recognised »I dont want to
go I am quite ready to stay behind As fur as I am concerned any ones welcome
to my place«
»Or mine« said the other gruffly »I wouldnt have incommoded none of you
if Id a had my way« Then they both laughed and began cracking nuts and
spitting the shells about As I really think I should have liked to do myself
if I had been in their place and so despised
At length it was voted that there was no help for the angry gentleman and
that he must either go in his chance company or remain behind So he got into
his place still making complaints and the keeper got into the place next him
and the convicts hauled themselves up as well as they could and the convict I
had recognised sat behind me with his breath on the hair of my head
»Goodbye Handel« Herbert called out as we started I thought what a
blessed fortune it was that he had found another name for me than Pip
It is impossible to express with what acuteness I felt the convicts
breathing not only on the back of my head but all along my spine The
sensation was like being touched in the marrow with some pungent and searching
acid and it set my very teeth on edge He seemed to have more breathing
business to do than another man and to make more noise in doing it and I was
conscious of growing highshouldered on one side in my shrinking endeavours to
fend him off
The weather was miserably raw and the two cursed the cold It made us all
lethargic before we had gone far and when we had left the Halfway House
behind we habitually dozed and shivered and were silent I dozed off myself
in considering the question whether I ought to restore a couple of pounds
sterling to this creature before losing sight of him and how it could best be
done In the act of dipping forward as if I were going to bathe among the
horses I woke in a fright and took the question up again
But I must have lost it longer than I had thought since although I could
recognise nothing in the darkness and the fitful lights and shadows of our
lamps I traced marsh country in the cold damp wind that blew at us Cowering
forward for warmth and to make me a screen against the wind the convicts were
closer to me than before The very first words I heard them interchange as I
became conscious were the words of my own thought »Two OnePound notes«
»How did he get em« said the convict I had never seen
»How should I know« returned the other »He had em stowed away somehows
Giv him by friends I expect«
»I wish« said the other with a bitter curse upon the cold »that I had em
here«
»Two onepound notes or friends«
»Two onepound notes Id sell all the friends I ever had for one and
think it a blessed good bargain Well So he says «
»So he says« resumed the convict I had recognised »it was all said and
done in half a minute behind a pile of timber in the Dockyard Youre a going
to be discharged Yes I was Would I find out that boy that had fed him and kep
his secret and give him them two onepound notes Yes I would And I did«
»More fool you« growled the other »Id have spent em on a Man in wittles
and drink He must have been a green one Mean to say he knowed nothing of you«
»Not a haporth Different gangs and different ships He was tried again for
prisonbreaking and got made a Lifer«
»And was that Honour the only time you worked out in this part of the
country«
»The only time«
»What might have been your opinion of the place«
»A most beastly place Mudbank mist swamp and work work swamp mist
and mudbank«
They both execrated the place in very strong language and gradually growled
themselves out and had nothing left to say
After overhearing this dialogue I should assuredly have got down and been
left in the solitude and darkness of the highway but for feeling certain that
the man had no suspicion of my identity Indeed I was not only so changed in
the course of nature but so differently dressed and so differently
circumstanced that it was not at all likely he could have known me without
accidental help Still the coincidence of our being together on the coach was
sufficiently strange to fill me with a dread that some other coincidence might
at any moment connect me in his hearing with my name For this reason I
resolved to alight as soon as we touched the town and put myself out of his
hearing This device I executed successfully My little portmanteau was in the
boot under my feet I had but to turn a hinge to get it out I threw it down
before me got down after it and was left at the first lamp on the first stones
of the town pavement As to the convicts they went their way with the coach
and I knew at what point they would be spirited off to the river In my fancy I
saw the boat with its convict crew waiting for them at the slimewashed stairs
again heard the gruff »Give way you« like an order to dogs again saw the
wicked Noahs Ark lying out on the black water
I could not have said what I was afraid of for my fear was altogether
undefined and vague but there was great fear upon me As I walked on to the
hotel I felt that a dread much exceeding the mere apprehension of a painful or
disagreeable recognition made me tremble I am confident that it took no
distinctness of shape and that it was the revival for a few minutes of the
terror of childhood
The coffeeroom at the Blue Boar was empty and I had not only ordered my
dinner there but had sat down to it before the waiter knew me As soon as he
had apologised for the remissness of his memory he asked me if he should send
Boots for Mr Pumblechook
»No« said I »certainly not«
The waiter it was he who had brought up the Great Remonstrance from the
Commercials on the day when I was bound appeared surprised and took the
earliest opportunity of putting a dirty old copy of a local newspaper so
directly in my way that I took it up and read this paragraph
»Our readers will learn not altogether without interest in reference
to the recent romantic rise in fortune of a young artificer in iron of
this neighbourhood what a theme by the way for the magic pen of our
as yet not universally acknowledged townsman TOOBY the poet of our
columns that the youths earliest patron companion and friend was a
highlyrespected individual not entirely unconnected with the corn and
seed trade and whose eminently convenient and commodious business
premises are situate within a hundred miles of the Highstreet It is
not wholly irrespective of our personal feelings that we record HIM as
the Mentor of our young Telemachus for it is good to know that our town
produced the founder of the latters fortunes Does the
thoughtcontracted brow of the local Sage or the lustrous eye of local
Beauty inquire whose fortunes We believe that Quintin Matsys was the
BLACKSMITH of Antwerp VERB SAP«
I entertain a conviction based upon large experience that if in the days of my
prosperity I had gone to the North Pole I should have met somebody there
wandering Esquimaux or civilised man who would have told me that Pumblechook
was my earliest patron and the founder of my fortunes
Chapter XXIX
Betimes in the morning I was up and out It was too early yet to go to Miss
Havishams so I loitered into the country on Miss Havishams side of town
which was not Joes side I could go there tomorrow thinking about my
patroness and painting brilliant pictures of her plans for me
She had adopted Estella she had as good as adopted me and it could not
fail to be her intention to bring us together She reserved it for me to restore
the desolate house admit the sunshine into the dark rooms set the clocks a
going and the cold hearths a blazing tear down the cobwebs destroy the vermin
in short do all the shining deeds of the young Knight of romance and marry
the Princess I had stopped to look at the house as I passed and its seared red
brick walls blocked windows and strong green ivy clasping even the stacks of
chimneys with its twigs and tendons as if with sinewy old arms had made up a
rich attractive mystery of which I was the hero Estella was the inspiration of
it and the heart of it of course But though she had taken such strong
possession of me though my fancy and my hope were so set upon her though her
influence on my boyish life and character had been allpowerful I did not even
that romantic morning invest her with any attributes save those she possessed
I mention this in this place of a fixed purpose because it is the clue by
which I am to be followed into my poor labyrinth According to my experience
the conventional notion of a lover cannot be always true The unqualified truth
is that when I loved Estella with the love of a man I loved her simply because
I found her irresistible Once for all I knew to my sorrow often and often if
not always that I loved her against reason against promise against peace
against hope against happiness against all discouragement that could be Once
for all I loved her none the less because I knew it and it had no more
influence in restraining me than if I had devoutly believed her to be human
perfection
I so shaped out my walk as to arrive at the gate at my old time When I had
rung at the bell with an unsteady hand I turned my back upon the gate while I
tried to get my breath and keep the beating of my heart moderately quiet I
heard the side door open and steps come across the courtyard but I pretended
not to hear even when the gate swung on its rusty hinges
Being at last touched on the shoulder I started and turned I started much
more naturally then to find myself confronted by a man in a sober grey dress
The last man I should have expected to see in that place of porter at Miss
Havishams door
»Orlick«
»Ah young master theres more changes than yours But come in come in
Its opposed to my orders to hold the gate open«
I entered and he swung it and locked it and took the key out »Yes« said
he facing round after doggedly preceding me a few steps towards the house
»Here I am«
»How did you come here«
»I come here« he retorted »on my legs I had my box brought alongside me
in a barrow«
»Are you here for good«
»I aint here for harm young master I suppose«
I was not so sure of that I had leisure to entertain the retort in my mind
while he slowly lifted his heavy glance from the pavement up my legs and arms
to my face
»Then you have left the forge« I said
»Do this look like a forge« replied Orlick sending his glance all round
him with an air of injury »Now do it look like it«
I asked him how long he had left Gargerys forge
»One day is so like another here« he replied »that I dont know without
casting it up However I come here some time since you left«
»I could have told you that Orlick«
»Ah« said he drily »But then youve got to be a scholar«
By this time we had come to the house where I found his room to be one just
within the side door with a little window in it looking on the courtyard In
its small proportions it was not unlike the kind of place usually assigned to a
gateporter in Paris Certain keys were hanging on the wall to which he now
added the gatekey and his patchworkcovered bed was in a little inner division
or recess The whole had a slovenly confined and sleepy look like a cage for a
human dormouse while he looming dark and heavy in the shadow of a corner by
the window looked like the human dormouse for whom it was fitted up as indeed
he was
»I never saw this room before« I remarked »but there used to be no Porter
here«
»No« said he »not till it got about that there was no protection on the
premises and it come to be considered dangerous with convicts and Tag and Rag
and Bobtail going up and down And then I was recommended to the place as a man
who could give another man as good as he brought and I took it Its easier
than bellowsing and hammering Thats loaded that is«
My eye had been caught by a gun with a brassbound stock over the
chimneypiece and his eye had followed mine
»Well« said I not desirous of more conversation »shall I go up to Miss
Havisham«
»Burn me if I know« he retorted first stretching himself and then shaking
himself »my orders ends here young master I give this here bell a rap with
this here hammer and you go on along the passage till you meet somebody«
»I am expected I believe«
»Burn me twice over if I can say« said he
Upon that I turned down the long passage which I had first trodden in my
thick boots and he made his bell sound At the end of the passage while the
bell was still reverberating I found Sarah Pocket who appeared to have now
become constitutionally green and yellow by reason of me
»Oh « said she »You is it Mr Pip«
»It is Miss Pocket I am glad to tell you that Mr Pocket and family are
all well«
»Are they any wiser« said Sarah with a dismal shake of the head »they had
better be wiser than well Ah Matthew Matthew You know your way sir«
Tolerably for I had gone up the staircase in the dark many a time I
ascended it now in lighter boots than of yore and tapped in my old way at the
door of Miss Havishams room »Pips rap« I heard her say immediately »come
in Pip«
She was in her chair near the old table in the old dress with her two
hands crossed on her stick her chin resting on them and her eyes on the fire
Sitting near her with the white shoe that had never been worn in her hand
and her head bent as she looked at it was an elegant lady whom I had never
seen
»Come in Pip« Miss Havisham continued to mutter without looking round or
up »come in Pip how do you do Pip so you kiss my hand as if I were a queen
eh Well«
She looked up at me suddenly only moving her eyes and repeated in a grimly
playful manner
»Well«
»I heard Miss Havisham« said I rather at a loss »that you were so kind
as to wish me to come and see you and I came directly«
»Well«
The lady whom I had never seen before lifted up her eyes and looked archly
at me and then I saw that the eyes were Estellas eyes But she was so much
changed was so much more beautiful so much more womanly in all things winning
admiration had made such wonderful advance that I seemed to have made none I
fancied as I looked at her that I slipped hopelessly back into the coarse and
common boy again O the sense of distance and disparity that came upon me and
the inaccessibility that came about her
She gave me her hand I stammered something about the pleasure I felt in
seeing her again and about my having looked forward to it for a long long
time
»Do you find her much changed Pip« asked Miss Havisham with her greedy
look and striking her stick upon a chair that stood between them as a sign to
me to sit down there
»When I came in Miss Havisham I thought there was nothing of Estella in
the face or figure but now it all settles down so curiously into the old «
»What You are not going to say into the old Estella« Miss Havisham
interrupted »She was proud and insulting and you wanted to go away from her
Dont you remember«
I said confusedly that that was long ago and that I knew no better then
and the like Estella smiled with perfect composure and said she had no doubt
of my having been quite right and of her having been very disagreeable
»Is he changed« Miss Havisham asked her
»Very much« said Estella looking at me
»Less coarse and common« said Miss Havisham playing with Estellas hair
Estella laughed and looked at the shoe in her hand and laughed again and
looked at me and put the shoe down She treated me as a boy still but she
lured me on
We sate in the dreamy room among the old strange influences which had so
wrought upon me and I learnt that she had but just come home from France and
that she was going to London Proud and wilful as of old she had brought those
qualities into such subjection to her beauty that it was impossible and out of
nature or I thought so to separate them from her beauty Truly it was
impossible to dissociate her presence from all those wretched hankerings after
money and gentility that had disturbed my boyhood from all those illregulated
aspirations that had first made me ashamed of home and Joe from all those
visions that had raised her face in the glowing fire struck it out of the iron
on the anvil extracted it from the darkness of night to look in at the wooden
window of the forge and flit away In a word it was impossible for me to
separate her in the past or in the present from the innermost life of my life
It was settled that I should stay there all the rest of the day and return
to the hotel at night and to London tomorrow When we had conversed for a
while Miss Havisham sent us two out to walk in the neglected garden on our
coming in byandby she said I should wheel her about a little as in times of
yore
So Estella and I went out into the garden by the gate through which I had
strayed to my encounter with the pale young gentleman now Herbert I trembling
in spirit and worshipping the very hem of her dress she quite composed and
most decidedly not worshipping the hem of mine As we drew near to the place of
encounter she stopped and said
»I must have been a singular little creature to hide and see that fight that
day but I did and I enjoyed it very much«
»You rewarded me very much«
»Did I« she replied in an incidental and forgetful way »I remember I
entertained a great objection to your adversary because I took it ill that he
should be brought here to pester me with his company«
»He and I are great friends now«
»Are you I think I recollect though that you read with his father«
»Yes«
I made the admission with reluctance for it seemed to have a boyish look
and she already treated me more than enough like a boy
»Since your change of fortune and prospects you have changed your
companions« said Estella
»Naturally« said I
»And necessarily« she added in a haughty tone »what was fit company for
you once would be quite unfit company for you now«
In my conscience I doubt very much whether I had any lingering intention
left of going to see Joe but if I had this observation put it to flight
»You had no idea of your impending good fortune in those times« said
Estella with a slight wave of her hand signifying the fighting times
»Not the least«
The air of completeness and superiority with which she walked at my side
and the air of youthfulness and submission with which I walked at hers made a
contrast that I strongly felt It would have rankled in me more than it did if
I had not regarded myself as eliciting it by being so set apart for her and
assigned to her
The garden was too overgrown and rank for walking in with ease and after we
had made the round of it twice or thrice we came out again into the brewery
yard I showed her to a nicety where I had seen her walking on the casks that
first old day and she said with a cold and careless look in that direction
»Did I« I reminded her where she had come out of the house and given me my meat
and drink and she said »I dont remember« »Not remember that you made me
cry« said I »No« said she and shook her head and looked about her I verily
believe that her not remembering and not minding in the least made me cry
again inwardly and that is the sharpest crying of all
»You must know« said Estella condescending to me as a brilliant and
beautiful woman might »that I have no heart if that has anything to do with
my memory«
I got through some jargon to the effect that I took the liberty of doubting
that That I knew better That there could be no such beauty without it
»Oh I have a heart to be stabbed in or shot in I have no doubt« said
Estella »and of course if it ceased to beat I should cease to be But you
know what I mean I have no softness there no sympathy sentiment
nonsense«
What was it that was borne in upon my mind when she stood still and looked
attentively at me Anything that I had seen in Miss Havisham No In some of her
looks and gestures there was that tinge of resemblance to Miss Havisham which
may often be noticed to have been acquired by children from grown persons with
whom they have been much associated and secluded and which when childhood is
passed will produce a remarkable occasional likeness of expression between
faces that are otherwise quite different And yet I could not trace this to Miss
Havisham I looked again and though she was still looking at me the suggestion
was gone
What was it
»I am serious« said Estella not so much with a frown for her brow was
smooth as with a darkening of her face »if we are to be thrown much together
you had better believe it at once No« imperiously stopping me as I opened my
lips »I have not bestowed my tenderness anywhere I have never had any such
thing«
In another moment we were in the brewery so long disused and she pointed to
the high gallery where I had seen her going out on that same first day and told
me she remembered to have been up there and to have seen me standing scared
below As my eyes followed her white hand again the same dim suggestion that I
could not possibly grasp crossed me My involuntary start occasioned her to lay
her hand upon my arm Instantly the ghost passed once more and was gone
What was it
»What is the matter« asked Estella »Are you scared again«
»I should be if I believed what you said just now« I replied to turn it
off
»Then you dont Very well It is said at any rate Miss Havisham will soon
be expecting you at your old post though I think that might be laid aside now
with other old belongings Let us make one more round of the garden and then go
in Come You shall not shed tears for my cruelty today you shall be my Page
and give me your shoulder«
Her handsome dress had trailed upon the ground She held it in one hand now
and with the other lightly touched my shoulder as we walked We walked round the
ruined garden twice or thrice more and it was all in bloom for me If the green
and yellow growth of weed in the chinks of the old wall had been the most
precious flowers that ever blew it could not have been more cherished in my
remembrance
There was no discrepancy of years between us to remove her far from me we
were of nearly the same age though of course the age told for more in her case
than in mine but the air of inaccessibility which her beauty and her manner
gave her tormented me in the midst of my delight and at the height of the
assurance I felt that our patroness had chosen us for one another Wretched boy
At last we went back into the house and there I heard with surprise that
my guardian had come down to see Miss Havisham on business and would come back
to dinner The old wintry branches of chandeliers in the room where the
mouldering table was spread had been lighted while we were out and Miss
Havisham was in her chair and waiting for me
It was like pushing the chair itself back into the past when we began the
old slow circuit round about the ashes of the bridal feast But in the funereal
room with that figure of the grave fallen back in the chair fixing its eyes
upon her Estella looked more bright and beautiful than before and I was under
stronger enchantment
The time so melted away that our early dinnerhour drew close at hand and
Estella left us to prepare herself We had stopped near the centre of the long
table and Miss Havisham with one of her withered arms stretched out of the
chair rested that clenched hand upon the yellow cloth As Estella looked back
over her shoulder before going out at the door Miss Havisham kissed that hand
to her with a ravenous intensity that was of its kind quite dreadful
Then Estella being gone and we two left alone she turned to me and said in
a whisper
»Is she beautiful graceful wellgrown Do you admire her«
»Everybody must who sees her Miss Havisham«
She drew an arm round my neck and drew my head close down to hers as she
sat in the chair »Love her love her love her How does she use you«
Before I could answer if I could have answered so difficult a question at
all she repeated »Love her love her love her If she favours you love her
If she wounds you love her If she tears your heart to pieces and as it gets
older and stronger it will tear deeper love her love her love her«
Never had I seen such passionate eagerness as was joined to her utterance of
these words I could feel the muscles of the thin arm round my neck swell with
the vehemence that possessed her
»Hear me Pip I adopted her to be loved I bred her and educated her to be
loved I developed her into what she is that she might be loved Love her«
She said the word often enough and there could be no doubt that she meant
to say it but if the often repeated word had been hate instead of love
despair revenge dire death it could not have sounded from her lips more
like a curse
»Ill tell you« said she in the same hurried passionate whisper »what
real love is It is blind devotion unquestioning selfhumiliation utter
submission trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world
giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter as I did«
When she came to that and to a wild cry that followed that I caught her
round the waist For she rose up in the chair in her shroud of a dress and
struck at the air as if she would as soon have struck herself against the wall
and fallen dead
All this passed in a few seconds As I drew her down into her chair I was
conscious of a scent that I knew and turning saw my guardian in the room
He always carried I have not yet mentioned it I think a
pockethandkerchief of rich silk and of imposing proportions which was of great
value to him in his profession I have seen him so terrify a client or a witness
by ceremoniously unfolding this pockethandkerchief as if he were immediately
going to blow his nose and then pausing as if he knew he should not have time
to do it before such client or witness committed himself that the
selfcommittal has followed directly quite as a matter of course When I saw
him in the room he had this expressive pockethandkerchief in both hands and
was looking at us On meeting my eye he said plainly by a momentary and silent
pause in that attitude »Indeed Singular« and then put the handkerchief to its
right use with wonderful effect
Miss Havisham had seen him as soon as I and was like everybody else
afraid of him She made a strong attempt to compose herself and stammered that
he was as punctual as ever
»As punctual as ever« he repeated coming up to us »How do you do Pip
Shall I give you a ride Miss Havisham Once round And so you are here Pip«
I told him when I had arrived and how Miss Havisham wished me to come and
see Estella To which he replied »Ah Very fine young lady« Then he pushed
Miss Havisham in her chair before him with one of his large hands and put the
other in his trouserspocket as if the pocket were full of secrets
»Well Pip How often have you seen Miss Estella before« said he when he
came to a stop
»How often«
»Ah How many times Ten thousand times«
»Oh Certainly not so many«
»Twice«
»Jaggers« interposed Miss Havisham much to my relief »leave my Pip alone
and go with him to your dinner«
He complied and we groped our way down the dark stairs together While we
were still on our way to those detached apartments across the paved yard at the
back he asked me how often I had seen Miss Havisham eat and drink offering me
a breadth of choice as usual between a hundred times and once
I considered and said »Never«
»And never will Pip« he retorted with a frowning smile »She has never
allowed herself to be seen doing either since she lived this present life of
hers She wanders about in the night and then lays hands on such food as she
takes«
»Pray sir« said I »may I ask you a question«
»You may« said he »and I may decline to answer it Put your question«
»Estellas name is it Havisham or « I had nothing to add
»Or what« said he
»Is it Havisham«
»It is Havisham«
This brought us to the dinnertable where she and Sarah Pocket awaited us
Mr Jaggers presided Estella sat opposite to him I faced my green and yellow
friend We dined very well and were waited on by a maidservant whom I had
never seen in all my comings and goings but who for anything I know had been
in that mysterious house the whole time After dinner a bottle of choice old
port was placed before my guardian he was evidently well acquainted with the
vintage and the two ladies left us
Anything to equal the determined reticence of Mr Jaggers under that roof I
never saw elsewhere even in him He kept his very looks to himself and
scarcely directed his eyes to Estellas face once during dinner When she spoke
to him he listened and in due course answered but never looked at her that I
could see On the other hand she often looked at him with interest and
curiosity if not distrust but his face never showed the least consciousness
Throughout dinner he took a dry delight in making Sarah Pocket greener and
yellower by often referring in conversation with me to my expectations but
here again he showed no consciousness and even made it appear that he
extorted and even did extort though I dont know how those references out
of my innocent self
And when he and I were left alone together he sat with an air upon him of
general lying by in consequence of information he possessed that really was too
much for me He crossexamined his very wine when he had nothing else in hand
He held it between himself and the candle tasted the port rolled it in his
mouth swallowed it looked at his glass again smelt the port tried it drank
it filled again and crossexamined the glass again until I was as nervous as
if I had known the wine to be telling him something to my disadvantage Three or
four times I feebly thought I would start conversation but whenever he saw me
going to ask him anything he looked at me with his glass in his hand and
rolling his wine about in his mouth as if requesting me to take notice that it
was of no use for he couldnt answer
I think Miss Pocket was conscious that the sight of me involved her in the
danger of being goaded to madness and perhaps tearing off her cap which was a
very hideous one in the nature of a muslin mop and strewing the ground with
her hair which assuredly had never grown on her head She did not appear when
we afterwards went up to Miss Havishams room and we four played at whist In
the interval Miss Havisham in a fantastic way had put some of the most
beautiful jewels from her dressingtable into Estellas hair and about her
bosom and arms and I saw even my guardian look at her from under his thick
eyebrows and raise them a little when her loveliness was before him with those
rich flushes of glitter and colour in it
Of the manner and extent to which he took our trumps into custody and came
out with mean little cards at the ends of hands before which the glory of our
Kings and Queens was utterly abased I say nothing nor of the feeling that I
had respecting his looking upon us personally in the light of three very
obvious and poor riddles that he had found out long ago What I suffered from
was the incompatibility between his cold presence and my feelings towards
Estella It was not that I knew I could never bear to speak to him about her
that I knew I could never bear to hear him creak his boots at her that I knew I
could never bear to see him wash his hands of her it was that my admiration
should be within a foot or two of him it was that my feelings should be in
the same place with him that was the agonising circumstance
We played until nine oclock and then it was arranged that when Estella
came to London I should be forewarned of her coming and should meet her at the
coach and then I took leave of her and touched her and left her
My guardian lay at the Boar in the next room to mine Far into the night
Miss Havishams words »Love her love her love her« sounded in my ears I
adapted them for my own repetition and said to my pillow »I love her I love
her I love her« hundreds of times Then a burst of gratitude came upon me
that she should be destined for me once the blacksmiths boy Then I thought
if she were as I feared by no means rapturously grateful for that destiny yet
when would she begin to be interested in me When should I awaken the heart
within her that was mute and sleeping now
Ah me I thought those were high and great emotions But I never thought
there was anything low and small in my keeping away from Joe because I knew she
would be contemptuous of him It was but a day gone and Joe had brought the
tears into my eyes they had soon dried God forgive me soon dried
Chapter XXX
After well considering the matter while I was dressing at the Blue Boar in the
morning I resolved to tell my guardian that I doubted Orlicks being the right
sort of man to fill a post of trust at Miss Havishams »Why of course he is
not the right sort of man Pip« said my guardian comfortably satisfied
beforehand on the general head »because the man who fills the post of trust
never is the right sort of man« It seemed quite to put him in spirits to find
that this particular post was not exceptionally held by the right sort of man
and he listened in a satisfied manner while I told him what knowledge I had of
Orlick »Very good Pip« he observed when I had concluded »Ill go round
presently and pay our friend off« Rather alarmed by this summary action I was
for a little delay and even hinted that our friend himself might be difficult
to deal with »Oh no he wont« said my guardian making his
pockethandkerchiefpoint with perfect confidence »I should like to see him
argue the question with me«
As we were going back together to London by the midday coach and as I
breakfasted under such terrors of Pumblechook that I could scarcely hold my cup
this gave me an opportunity of saying that I wanted a walk and that I would go
on along the Londonroad while Mr Jaggers was occupied if he would let the
coachman know that I would get into my place when overtaken I was thus enabled
to fly from the Blue Boar immediately after breakfast By then making a loop of
about a couple of miles into the open country at the back of Pumblechooks
premises I got round into the Highstreet again a little beyond that pitfall
and felt myself in comparative security
It was interesting to be in the quiet old town once more and it was not
disagreeable to be here and there suddenly recognised and stared after One or
two of the tradespeople even darted out of their shops and went a little way
down the street before me that they might turn as if they had forgotten
something and pass me face to face on which occasions I dont know whether
they or I made the worse pretence they of not doing it or I of not seeing it
Still my position was a distinguished one and I was not at all dissatisfied
with it until Fate threw me in the way of that unlimited miscreant Trabbs
boy
Casting my eyes along the street at a certain point of my progress I beheld
Trabbs boy approaching lashing himself with an empty blue bag Deeming that a
serene and unconscious contemplation of him would best beseem me and would be
most likely to quell his evil mind I advanced with that expression of
countenance and was rather congratulating myself on my success when suddenly
the knees of Trabbs boy smote together his hair uprose his cap fell off he
trembled violently in every limb staggered out into the road and crying to the
populace »Hold me Im so frightened« feigned to be in a paroxysm of terror
and contrition occasioned by the dignity of my appearance As I passed him his
teeth loudly chattered in his head and with every mark of extreme humiliation
he prostrated himself in the dust
This was a hard thing to bear but this was nothing I had not advanced
another two hundred yards when to my inexpressible terror amazement and
indignation I again beheld Trabbs boy approaching He was coming round a
narrow corner His blue bag was slung over his shoulder honest industry beamed
in his eyes a determination to proceed to Trabbs with cheerful briskness was
indicated in his gait With a shock he became aware of me and was severely
visited as before but this time his motion was rotatory and he staggered round
and round me with knees more afflicted and with uplifted hands as if beseeching
for mercy His sufferings were hailed with the greatest joy by a knot of
spectators and I felt utterly confounded
I had not got as much further down the street as the postoffice when I
again beheld Trabbs boy shooting round by a back way This time he was
entirely changed He wore the blue bag in the manner of my greatcoat and was
strutting along the pavement towards me on the opposite side of the street
attended by a company of delighted young friends to whom he from time to time
exclaimed with a wave of his hand »Dont know yah« Words cannot state the
amount of aggravation and injury wreaked upon me by Trabbs boy when passing
abreast of me he pulled up his shirtcollar twined his sidehair stuck an arm
akimbo and smirked extravagantly by wriggling his elbows and body and
drawling to his attendants »Dont know yah dont know yah pon my soul dont
know yah« The disgrace attendant on his immediately afterwards taking to
crowing and pursuing me across the bridge with crows as from an exceedingly
dejected fowl who had known me when I was a blacksmith culminated the disgrace
with which I left the town and was so to speak ejected by it into the open
country
But unless I had taken the life of Trabbs boy on that occasion I really do
not even now see what I could have done save endure To have struggled with him
in the street or to have exacted any lower recompense from him than his hearts
best blood would have been futile and degrading Moreover he was a boy whom no
man could hurt an invulnerable and dodging serpent who when chased into a
corner flew out again between his captors legs scornfully yelping I wrote
however to Mr Trabb by next days post to say that Mr Pip must decline to
deal further with one who could so far forget what he owed to the best interests
of society as to employ a boy who excited Loathing in every respectable mind
The coach with Mr Jaggers inside came up in due time and I took my
boxseat again and arrived in London safe but not sound for my heart was
gone As soon as I arrived I sent a penitential codfish and barrel of oysters
to Joe as reparation for not having gone myself and then went on to Barnards
Inn
I found Herbert dining on cold meat and delighted to welcome me back
Having despatched the Avenger to the coffeehouse for an addition to the dinner
I felt that I must open my breast that very evening to my friend and chum As
confidence was out of the question with the Avenger in the hall which could
merely be regarded in the light of an antechamber to the keyhole I sent him to
the Play A better proof of the severity of my bondage to that taskmaster could
scarcely be afforded than the degrading shifts to which I was constantly driven
to find him employment So mean is extremity that I sometimes sent him to Hyde
Park Corner to see what oclock it was
Dinner done and we sitting with our feet upon the fender I said to Herbert
»My dear Herbert I have something very particular to tell you«
»My dear Handel« he returned »I shall esteem and respect your confidence«
»It concerns myself Herbert« said I »and one other person«
Herbert crossed his feet looked at the fire with his head on one side and
having looked at it in vain for some time looked at me because I didnt go on
»Herbert« said I laying my hand upon his knee »I love I adore
Estella«
Instead of being transfixed Herbert replied in an easy matterofcourse
way »Exactly Well«
»Well Herbert Is that all you say Well«
»What next I mean« said Herbert »Of course I know that«
»How do you know it« said I
»How do I know it Handel Why from you«
»I never told you«
»Told me You have never told me when you have got your hair cut but I have
had senses to perceive it You have always adored her ever since I have known
you You brought your adoration and your portmanteau here together Told me
Why you have always told me all day long When you told me your own story you
told me plainly that you began adoring her the first time you saw her when you
were very young indeed«
»Very well then« said I to whom this was a new and not unwelcome light
»I have never left off adoring her And she has come back a most beautiful and
most elegant creature And I saw her yesterday And if I adored her before I
now doubly adore her«
»Lucky for you then Handel« said Herbert »that you are picked out for her
and allotted to her Without encroaching on forbidden ground we may venture to
say that there can be no doubt between ourselves of that fact Have you any idea
yet of Estellas views on the adoration question«
I shook my head gloomily »Oh She is thousands of miles away from me« said
I
»Patience my dear Handel time enough time enough But you have something
more to say«
»I am ashamed to say it« I returned »and yet its no worse to say it than
to think it You call me a lucky fellow Of course I am I was a blacksmiths
boy but yesterday I am what shall I say I am today«
»Say a good fellow if you want a phrase« returned Herbert smiling and
clapping his hands on the back of mine »a good fellow with impetuosity and
hesitation boldness and diffidence action and dreaming curiously mixed in
him«
I stopped for a moment to consider whether there really was this mixture in
my character On the whole I by no means recognised the analysis but thought
it not worth disputing
»When I ask what I am to call myself today Herbert« I went on »I suggest
what I have in my thoughts You say I am lucky I know I have done nothing to
raise myself in life and that Fortune alone has raised me that is being very
lucky And yet when I think of Estella «
»And when dont you you know« Herbert threw in with his eyes on the
fire which I thought kind and sympathetic of him
» Then my dear Herbert I cannot tell you how dependent and uncertain I
feel and how exposed to hundreds of chances Avoiding forbidden ground as you
did just now I may still say that on the constancy of one person naming no
person all my expectations depend And at the best how indefinite and
unsatisfactory only to know so vaguely what they are« In saying this I
relieved my mind of what had always been there more or less though no doubt
most since yesterday
»Now Handel« Herbert replied in his gay hopeful way »it seems to me that
in the despondency of the tender passion we are looking into our gifthorses
mouth with a magnifyingglass Likewise it seems to me that concentrating our
attention on the examination we altogether overlook one of the best points of
the animal Didnt you tell me that your guardian Mr Jaggers told you in the
beginning that you were not endowed with expectations only And even if he had
not told you so though that is a very large If I grant could you believe
that of all men in London Mr Jaggers is the man to hold his present relations
towards you unless he were sure of his ground«
I said I could not deny that this was a strong point I said it people
often do so in such cases like a rather reluctant concession to truth and
justice as if I wanted to deny it
»I should think it was a strong point« said Herbert »and I should think
you would be puzzled to imagine a stronger as to the rest you must bide your
guardians time and he must bide his clients time Youll be oneandtwenty
before you know where you are and then perhaps youll get some further
enlightenment At all events youll be nearer getting it for it must come at
last«
»What a hopeful disposition you have« said I gratefully admiring his
cheery ways
»I ought to have« said Herbert »for I have not much else I must
acknowledge bythebye that the good sense of what I have just said is not my
own but my fathers The only remark I ever heard him make on your story was
the final one The thing is settled and done or Mr Jaggers would not be in it
And now before I say anything more about my father or my fathers son and
repay confidence with confidence I want to make myself seriously disagreeable
to you for a moment positively repulsive«
»You wont succeed« said I
»Oh yes I shall« said he »One two three and now I am in for it
Handel my good fellow« though he spoke in this light tone he was very much in
earnest »I have been thinking since we have been talking with our feet on this
fender that Estella cannot surely be a condition of your inheritance if she
was never referred to by your guardian Am I right in so understanding what you
have told me as that he never referred to her directly or indirectly in any
way Never even hinted for instance that your patron might have views as to
your marriage ultimately«
»Never«
»Now Handel I am quite free from the flavour of sour grapes upon my soul
and honour Not being bound to her can you not detach yourself from her I
told you I should be disagreeable«
I turned my head aside for with a rush and a sweep like the old marsh
winds coming up from the sea a feeling like that which had subdued me on the
morning when I left the forge when the mists were solemnly rising and when I
laid my hand upon the village fingerpost smote upon my heart again There was
silence between us for a little while
»Yes but my dear Handel« Herbert went on as if we had been talking
instead of silent »its having been so strongly rooted in the breast of a boy
whom nature and circumstances made so romantic renders it very serious Think
of her bringingup and think of Miss Havisham Think of what she is herself
now I am repulsive and you abominate me This may lead to miserable things«
»I know it Herbert« said I with my head still turned away »but I cant
help it«
»You cant detach yourself«
»No Impossible«
»You cant try Handel«
»No Impossible«
»Well« said Herbert getting up with a lively shake as if he had been
asleep and stirring the fire »now Ill endeavour to make myself agreeable
again«
So he went round the room and shook the curtains out put the chairs in
their places tidied the books and so forth that were lying about looked into
the hall peeped into the letterbox shut the door and came back to his chair
by the fire when he sat down nursing his left leg in both arms
»I was going to say a word or two Handel concerning my father and my
fathers son I am afraid it is scarcely necessary for my fathers son to remark
that my fathers establishment is not particularly brilliant in its
housekeeping«
»There is always plenty Herbert« said I to say something encouraging
»Oh yes and so the dustman says I believe with the strongest approval
and so does the marinestore shop in the back street Gravely Handel for the
subject is grave enough you know how it is as well as I do I suppose there
was a time once when my father had not given matters up but if ever there was
the time is gone May I ask you if you have ever had an opportunity of
remarking down in your part of the country that the children of not exactly
suitable marriages are always most particularly anxious to be married«
This was such a singular question that I asked him in return »Is it so«
»I dont know« said Herbert »thats what I want to know Because it is
decidedly the case with us My poor sister Charlotte who was next me and died
before she was fourteen was a striking example Little Jane is the same In her
desire to be matrimonially established you might suppose her to have passed her
short existence in the perpetual contemplation of domestic bliss Little Alick
in a frock has already made arrangements for his union with a suitable young
person at Kew And indeed I think we are all engaged except the baby«
»Then you are« said I
»I am« said Herbert »but its a secret«
I assured him of my keeping the secret and begged to be favoured with
further particulars He had spoken so sensibly and feelingly of my weakness
that I wanted to know something about his strength
»May I ask the name« I said
»Name of Clara« said Herbert
»Live in London«
»Yes Perhaps I ought to mention« said Herbert who had become curiously
crestfallen and meek since we entered on the interesting theme »that she is
rather below my mothers nonsensical family notions Her father had to do with
the victualling of passengerships I think he was a species of purser«
»What is he now« said I
»Hes an invalid now« replied Herbert
»Living on «
»On the first floor« said Herbert Which was not at all what I meant for I
had intended my question to apply to his means »I have never seen him for he
has always kept his room overhead since I have known Clara But I have heard
him constantly He makes tremendous rows roars and pegs at the floor with
some frightful instrument« In looking at me and then laughing heartily Herbert
for the time recovered his usual lively manner
»Dont you expect to see him« said I
»Oh yes I constantly expect to see him« returned Herbert »because I never
hear him without expecting him to come tumbling through the ceiling But I
dont know how long the rafters may hold«
When he had once more laughed heartily he became meek again and told me
that the moment he began to realise Capital it was his intention to marry this
young lady He added as a selfevident proposition engendering low spirits
»But you cant marry you know while youre looking about you«
As we contemplated the fire and as I thought what a difficult vision to
realise this same Capital sometimes was I put my hands in my pockets A folded
piece of paper in one of them attracting my attention I opened it and found it
to be the playbill I had received from Joe relative to the celebrated
provincial amateur of Roscian renown »And bless my heart« I involuntarily
added aloud »its tonight«
This changed the subject in an instant and made us hurriedly resolve to go
to the play So when I had pledged myself to comfort and abet Herbert in the
affair of his heart by all practicable and impracticable means and when Herbert
had told me that his affianced already knew me by reputation and that I should
be presented to her and when we had warmly shaken hands upon our mutual
confidence we blew out our candles made up our fire locked our door and
issued forth in quest of Mr Wopsle and Denmark
Chapter XXXI
On our arrival in Denmark we found the king and queen of that country elevated
in two armchairs on a kitchentable holding a Court The whole of the Danish
nobility were in attendance consisting of a noble boy in the washleather boots
of a gigantic ancestor a venerable Peer with a dirty face who seemed to have
risen from the people late in life and the Danish chivalry with a comb in its
hair and a pair of white silk legs and presenting on the whole a feminine
appearance My gifted townsman stood gloomily apart with folded arms and I
could have wished that his curls and forehead had been more probable
Several curious little circumstances transpired as the action proceeded The
late king of the country not only appeared to have been troubled with a cough at
the time of his decease but to have taken it with him to the tomb and to have
brought it back The royal phantom also carried a ghostly manuscript round its
truncheon to which it had the appearance of occasionally referring and that
too with an air of anxiety and a tendency to lose the place of reference which
were suggestive of a state of mortality It was this I conceive which led to
the Shades being advised by the gallery to »turn over« a recommendation
which it took extremely ill It was likewise to be noted of this majestic spirit
that whereas it always appeared with an air of having been out a long time and
walked an immense distance it perceptibly came from a closelycontiguous wall
This occasioned its terrors to be received derisively The Queen of Denmark a
very buxom lady though no doubt historically brazen was considered by the
public to have too much brass about her her chin being attached to her diadem
by a broad band of that metal as if she had a gorgeous toothache her waist
being encircled by another and each of her arms by another so that she was
openly mentioned as the kettledrum The noble boy in the ancestral boots was
inconsistent representing himself as it were in one breath as an able seaman
a strolling actor a gravedigger a clergyman and a person of the utmost
importance at a Court fencingmatch on the authority of whose practised eye and
nice discrimination the finest strokes were judged This gradually led to a want
of toleration for him and even on his being detected in holy orders and
declining to perform the funeral service to the general indignation taking the
form of nuts Lastly Ophelia was a prey to such slow musical madness that
when in course of time she had taken off her white muslin scarf folded it up
and buried it a sulky man who had been long cooling his impatient nose against
an iron bar in the front row of the gallery growled »Now the babys put to
bed lets have supper« Which to say the least of it was out of keeping
Upon my unfortunate townsman all these incidents accumulated with playful
effect Whenever that undecided Prince had to ask a question or state a doubt
the public helped him out with it As for example on the question whether twas
nobler in the mind to suffer some roared yes and some no and some inclining
to both opinions said »toss up for it« and quite a Debating Society arose When
he asked what should such fellows as he do crawling between earth and heaven he
was encouraged with loud cries of »Hear hear« When he appeared with his
stocking disordered its disorder expressed according to usage by one very
neat fold in the top which I suppose to be always got up with a flat iron a
conversation took place in the gallery respecting the paleness of his leg and
whether it was occasioned by the turn the ghost had given him On his taking the
recorders very like a little black flute that had just been played in the
orchestra and handed out at the door he was called upon unanimously for Rule
Britannia When he recommended the player not to saw the air thus the sulky man
said »And dont you do it neither youre a deal worse than him« And I grieve
to add that peals of laughter greeted Mr Wopsle on every one of these
occasions
But his greatest trials were in the churchyard which had the appearance of
a primeval forest with a kind of small ecclesiastical washhouse on one side
and a turnpike gate on the other Mr Wopsle in a comprehensive black cloak
being descried entering at the turnpike the gravedigger was admonished in a
friendly way »Look out Heres the undertaker a coming to see how youre
getting on with your work« I believe it is well known in a constitutional
country that Mr Wopsle could not possibly have returned the skull after
moralising over it without dusting his fingers on a white napkin taken from his
breast but even that innocent and indispensable action did not pass without the
comment »Waiter« The arrival of the body for interment in an empty black box
with the lid tumbling open was the signal for a general joy which was much
enhanced by the discovery among the bearers of an individual obnoxious to
identification The joy attended Mr Wopsle through his struggle with Laertes on
the brink of the orchestra and the grave and slackened no more until he had
tumbled the king off the kitchentable and had died by inches from the ankles
upward
We had made some pale efforts in the beginning to applaud Mr Wopsle but
they were too hopeless to be persisted in Therefore we had sat feeling keenly
for him but laughing nevertheless from ear to ear I laughed in spite of
myself all the time the whole thing was so droll and yet I had a latent
impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr Wopsles elocution
not for old associations sake I am afraid but because it was very slow very
dreary very uphill and downhill and very unlike any way in which any man in
any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about
anything When the tragedy was over and he had been called for and hooted I
said to Herbert »Let us go at once or perhaps we shall meet him«
We made all the haste we could downstairs but we were not quick enough
either Standing at the door was a Jewish man with an unnatural heavy smear of
eyebrow who caught my eyes as we advanced and said when we came up with him
»Mr Pip and friend«
Identity of Mr Pip and friend confessed
»Mr Waldengarver« said the man »would be glad to have the honour«
»Waldengarver« I repeated when Herbert murmured in my ear »Probably
Wopsle«
»Oh« said I »Yes Shall we follow you«
»A few steps please« When we were in a side alley he turned and asked
»How do you think he looked I dressed him«
I dont know what he had looked like except a funeral with the addition of
a large Danish sun or star hanging round his neck by a blue ribbon that had
given him the appearance of being insured in some extraordinary Fire Office But
I said he had looked very nice
»When he come to the grave« said our conductor »he showed his cloak
beautiful But judging from the wing it looked to me that when he see the
ghost in the queens apartment he might have made more of his stockings«
I modestly assented and we all fell through a little dirty swing door into
a sort of hot packingcase immediately behind it Here Mr Wopsle was divesting
himself of his Danish garments and here there was just room for us to look at
him over one anothers shoulders by keeping the packingcase door or lid wide
open
»Gentlemen« said Mr Wopsle »I am proud to see you I hope Mr Pip you
will excuse my sending round I had the happiness to know you in former times
and the Drama has ever had a claim which has ever been acknowledged on the
noble and the affluent«
Meanwhile Mr Waldengarver in a frightful perspiration was trying to get
himself out of his princely sables
»Skin the stockings off Mr Waldengarver« said the owner of that property
»or youll bust em Bust em and youll bust fiveandthirty shillings
Shakspeare never was complimented with a finer pair Keep quiet in your chair
now and leave em to me«
With that he went upon his knees and began to flay his victim who on the
first stocking coming off would certainly have fallen over backward with his
chair but for there being no room to fall anyhow
I had been afraid until then to say a word about the play But then Mr
Waldengarver looked up at us complacently and said
»Gentlemen how did it seem to you to go in front«
Herbert said from behind at the same time poking me »capitally« So I
said »capitally«
»How did you like my reading of the character gentlemen« said Mr
Waldengarver almost if not quite with patronage
Herbert said from behind again poking me »massive and concrete« So I
said boldly as if I had originated it and must beg to insist upon it »massive
and concrete«
»I am glad to have your approbation gentlemen« said Mr Waldengarver with
an air of dignity in spite of his being ground against the wall at the time
and holding on by the seat of the chair
»But Ill tell you one thing Mr Waldengarver« said the man who was on his
knees »in which youre out in your reading Now mind I dont care who says
contrary I tell you so Youre out in your reading of Hamlet when you get your
legs in profile The last Hamlet as I dressed made the same mistakes in his
reading at rehearsal till I got him to put a large red wafer on each of his
shins and then at that rehearsal which was the last I went in front sir to
the back of the pit and whenever his reading brought him into profile I called
out I dont see no wafers And at night his reading was lovely«
Mr Waldengarver smiled at me as much as to say »a faithful dependent I
overlook his folly« and then said aloud »My view is a little too classic and
thoughtful for them here but they will improve they will improve«
Herbert and I said together Oh no doubt they would improve
»Did you observe gentlemen« said Mr Waldengarver »that there was a man
in the gallery who endeavoured to cast derision on the service I mean the
representation«
We basely replied that we rather thought we had noticed such a man I added
»He was drunk no doubt«
»Oh dear no sir« said Mr Wopsle »not drunk His employer would see to
that sir His employer would not allow him to be drunk«
»You know his employer« said I
Mr Wopsle shut his eyes and opened them again performing both ceremonies
very slowly »You must have observed gentlemen« said he »an ignorant and a
blatant ass with a rasping throat and a countenance expressive of low
malignity who went through I will not say sustained the rôle if I may use
a French expression of Claudius King of Denmark That is his employer
gentlemen Such is the profession«
Without distinctly knowing whether I should have been more sorry for Mr
Wopsle if he had been in despair I was so sorry for him as it was that I took
the opportunity of his turning round to have his braces put on which jostled
us out at the doorway to ask Herbert what he thought of having him home to
supper Herbert said he thought it would be kind to do so therefore I invited
him and he went to Barnards with us wrapped up to the eyes and we did our
best for him and he sat until two oclock in the morning reviewing his success
and developing his plans I forget in detail what they were but I have a
general recollection that he was to begin with reviving the Drama and to end
with crushing it inasmuch as his decease would leave it utterly bereft and
without a chance or hope
Miserably I went to bed after all and miserably thought of Estella and
miserably dreamed that my expectations were all cancelled and that I had to
give my hand in marriage to Herberts Clara or play Hamlet to Miss Havishams
Ghost before twenty thousand people without knowing twenty words of it
Chapter XXXII
One day when I was busy with my books and Mr Pocket I received a note by the
post the mere outside of which threw me into a great flutter for though I had
never seen the handwriting in which it was addressed I divined whose hand it
was It had no set beginning as Dear Mr Pip or Dear Pip or Dear Sir or Dear
Anything but ran thus
»I am to come to London the day after to morrow by the midday coach I
believe it was settled you should meet me At all events Miss Havisham
has that impression and I write in obedience to it She sends you her
regard Yours ESTELLA«
If there had been time I should probably have ordered several suits of clothes
for this occasion but as there was not I was fain to be content with those I
had My appetite vanished instantly and I knew no peace or rest until the day
arrived Not that its arrival brought me either for then I was worse than
ever and began haunting the coachoffice in Woodstreet Cheapside before the
coach had left the Blue Boar in our town For all that I knew this perfectly
well I still felt as if it were not safe to let the coachoffice be out of my
sight longer than five minutes at a time and in this condition of unreason I
had performed the first halfhour of a watch of four or five hours when Wemmick
ran against me
»Halloa Mr Pip« said he »how do you do I should hardly have thought
this was your beat«
I explained that I was waiting to meet somebody who was coming up by coach
and I inquired after the Castle and the Aged
»Both flourishing thankye« said Wemmick »and particularly the Aged Hes
in wonderful feather Hell be eightytwo next birthday I have a notion of
firing eightytwo times if the neighbourhood shouldnt complain and that
cannon of mine should prove equal to the pressure However this is not London
talk Where do you think I am going to«
»To the office« said I for he was tending in that direction
»Next thing to it« returned Wemmick »I am going to Newgate We are in a
bankersparcel case just at present and I have been down the road taking a
squint at the scene of action and thereupon must have a word or two with our
client«
»Did your client commit the robbery« I asked
»Bless your soul and body no« answered Wemmick very drily »But he is
accused of it So might you or I be Either of us might be accused of it you
know«
»Only neither of us is« I remarked
»Yah« said Wemmick touching me on the breast with his forefinger »youre
a deep one Mr Pip Would you like to have a look at Newgate Have you time to
spare«
I had so much time to spare that the proposal came as a relief
notwithstanding its irreconcilability with my latent desire to keep my eye on
the coachoffice Muttering that I would make the inquiry whether I had time to
walk with him I went into the office and ascertained from the clerk with the
nicest precision and much to the trying of his temper the earliest moment at
which the coach could be expected which I knew beforehand quite as well as
he I then rejoined Mr Wemmick and affecting to consult my watch and to be
surprised by the information I had received accepted his offer
We were at Newgate in a few minutes and we passed through the lodge where
some fetters were hanging up on the bare walls among the prison rules into the
interior of the jail At that time jails were much neglected and the period of
exaggerated reaction consequent on all public wrongdoing and which is always
its heaviest and longest punishment was still far off So felons were not
lodged and fed better than soldiers to say nothing of paupers and seldom set
fire to their prisons with the excusable object of improving the flavour of
their soup It was visiting time when Wemmick took me in and a potman was going
his rounds with beer and the prisoners behind bars in yards were buying beer
and talking to friends and a frouzy ugly disorderly depressing scene it was
It struck me that Wemmick walked among the prisoners much as a gardener
might walk among his plants This was first put into my head by his seeing a
shoot that had come up in the night and saying »What Captain Tom Are you
there Ah indeed« and also »Is that Black Bill behind the cistern Why I
didnt look for you these two months how do you find yourself« Equally in his
stopping at the bars and attending to anxious whisperers always singly
Wemmick with his postoffice in an immovable state looked at them while in
conference as if he were taking particular notice of the advance they had made
since last observed towards coming out in full blow at their trial
He was highly popular and I found that he took the familiar department of
Mr Jaggerss business though something of the state of Mr Jaggers hung about
him too forbidding approach beyond certain limits His personal recognition of
each successive client was comprised in a nod and in his settling his hat a
little easier on his head with both hands and then tightening the postoffice
and putting his hands in his pockets In one or two instances there was a
difficulty respecting the raising of fees and then Mr Wemmick backing as far
as possible from the insufficient money produced said »Its no use my boy I
am only a subordinate I cant take it Dont go on in that way with a
subordinate If you are unable to make up your quantum my boy you had better
address yourself to a principal there are plenty of principals in the
profession you know and what is not worth the while of one may be worth the
while of another thats my recommendation to you speaking as a subordinate
Dont try on useless measures Why should you Now whos next«
Thus we walked through Wemmicks greenhouse until he turned to me and
said »Notice the man I shall shake hands with« I should have done so without
the preparation as he had shaken hands with no one yet
Almost as soon as he had spoken a portly upright man whom I can see now
as I write in a wellworn olivecoloured frockcoat with a peculiar pallor
overspreading the red in his complexion and eyes that went wandering about when
he tried to fix them came up to a corner of the bars and put his hand to his
hat which had a greasy and fatty surface like cold broth with a halfserious
and halfjocose military salute
»Colonel to you« said Wemmick »how are you Colonel«
»All right Mr Wemmick«
»Everything was done that could be done but the evidence was too strong for
us Colonel«
»Yes it was too strong sir but I dont care«
»No no« said Wemmick coolly »you dont care« Then turning to me
»Served His Majesty this man Was a soldier in the line and bought his
discharge«
I said »Indeed« and the mans eyes looked at me and then looked over my
head and then looked all round me and then he drew his hand across his lips
and laughed
»I think I shall be out of this on Monday sir« he said to Wemmick
»Perhaps« returned my friend »but theres no knowing«
»I am glad to have the chance of bidding you goodbye Mr Wemmick« said
the man stretching out his hand between two bars
»Thankye« said Wemmick shaking hands with him »Same to you Colonel«
»If what I had upon me when taken had been real Mr Wemmick« said the
man unwilling to let his hand go »I should have asked the favour of your
wearing another ring in acknowledgment of your attentions«
»Ill accept the will for the deed« said Wemmick »Bythebye you were
quite a pigeonfancier« The man looked up at the sky »I am told you had a
remarkable breed of tumblers Could you commission any friend of yours to bring
me a pair if youve no further use for em«
»It shall be done sir«
»All right« said Wemmick »they shall be taken care of Good afternoon
Colonel Goodbye« They shook hands again and as we walked away Wemmick said
to me »A Coiner a very good workman The Recorders report is made today and
he is sure to be executed on Monday Still you see as far as it goes a pair of
pigeons are portable property all the same« With that he looked back and
nodded at his dead plant and then cast his eyes about him in walking out of the
yard as if he were considering what other pot would go best in its place
As we came out of the prison through the lodge I found that the great
importance of my guardian was appreciated by the turnkeys no less than by those
whom they held in charge »Well Mr Wemmick« said the turnkey who kept us
between the two studded and spiked lodge gates and who carefully locked one
before he unlocked the other »whats Mr Jaggers going to do with that
Waterside murder Is he going to make it manslaughter or what is he going to
make of it«
»Why dont you ask him« returned Wemmick
»Oh yes I dare say« said the turnkey
»Now thats the way with them here Mr Pip« remarked Wemmick turning to
me with his postoffice elongated »They dont mind what they ask of me the
subordinate but youll never catch em asking any questions of my principal«
»Is this young gentleman one of the prentices or articled ones of your
office« asked the turnkey with a grin at Mr Wemmicks humour
»There he goes again you see« cried Wemmick »I told you so Asks another
question of the subordinate before the first is dry Well supposing Mr Pip is
one of them«
»Why then« said the turnkey grinning again »he knows what Mr Jaggers
is«
»Yah« cried Wemmick suddenly hitting out at the turnkey in a facetious
way »youre as dumb as one of your own keys when you have to do with my
principal you know you are Let us out you old fox or Ill get him to bring
an action against you for false imprisonment«
The turnkey laughed and gave us good day and stood laughing at us over the
spikes of the wicket when we descended the steps into the street
»Mind you Mr Pip« said Wemmick gravely in my ear as he took my arm to
be more confidential »I dont know that Mr Jaggers does a better thing than
the way in which he keeps himself so high Hes always so high His constant
height is of a piece with his immense abilities That Colonel durst no more take
leave of him than that turnkey durst ask him his intentions respecting a case
Then between his height and them he slips in his subordinate dont you see
and so he has em soul and body«
I was very much impressed and not for the first time by my guardians
subtlety To confess the truth I very heartily wished and not for the first
time that I had had some other guardian of minor abilities
Mr Wemmick and I parted at the office in Little Britain where suppliants
for Mr Jaggerss notice were lingering about as usual and I returned to my
watch in the street of the coachoffice with some three hours on hand I
consumed the whole time in thinking how strange it was that I should be
encompassed by all this taint of prison and crime that in my childhood out on
our lonely marshes on a winter evening I should have first encountered it that
it should have reappeared on two occasions starting out like a stain that was
faded but not gone that it should in this new way pervade my fortune and
advancement While my mind was thus engaged I thought of the beautiful young
Estella proud and refined coming towards me and I thought with absolute
abhorrence of the contrast between the jail and her I wished that Wemmick had
not met me or that I had not yielded to him and gone with him so that of all
days in the year on this day I might not have had Newgate in my breath and on
my clothes I beat the prison dust off my feet as I sauntered to and fro and I
shook it out of my dress and I exhaled its air from my lungs So contaminated
did I feel remembering who was coming that the coach came quickly after all
and I was not yet free from the soiling consciousness of Mr Wemmicks
conservatory when I saw her face at the coach window and her hand waving to me
What was the nameless shadow which again in that one instant had passed
Chapter XXXIII
In her furred travellingdress Estella seemed more delicately beautiful than
she had ever seemed yet even in my eyes Her manner was more winning than she
had cared to let it be to me before and I thought I saw Miss Havishams
influence in the change
We stood in the Inn Yard while she pointed out her luggage to me and when
it was all collected I remembered having forgotten everything but herself in
the meanwhile that I knew nothing of her destination
»I am going to Richmond« she told me »Our lesson is that there are two
Richmonds one in Surrey and one in Yorkshire and that mine is the Surrey
Richmond The distance is ten miles I am to have a carriage and you are to
take me This is my purse and you are to pay my charges out of it Oh you must
take the purse We have no choice you and I but to obey our instructions We
are not free to follow our own devices you and I«
As she looked at me in giving me the purse I hoped there was an inner
meaning in her words She said them slightingly but not with displeasure
»A carriage will have to be sent for Estella Will you rest here a little«
»Yes I am to rest here a little and I am to drink some tea and you are to
take care of me the while«
She drew her arm through mine as if it must be done and I requested a
waiter who had been staring at the coach like a man who had never seen such a
thing in his life to show us a private sittingroom Upon that he pulled out a
napkin as if it were a magic clue without which he couldnt find the way
upstairs and led us to the black hole of the establishment fitted up with a
diminishing mirror quite a superfluous article considering the holes
proportions an anchovy saucecruet and somebodys pattens On my objecting to
this retreat he took us into another room with a dinnertable for thirty and
in the grate a scorched leaf of a copybook under a bushel of coaldust Having
looked at this extinct conflagration and shaken his head he took my order
which proving to be merely Some tea for the lady sent him out of the room in a
very low state of mind
I was and I am sensible that the air of this chamber in its strong
combination of stable with soupstock might have led one to infer that the
coaching department was not doing well and that the enterprising proprietor was
boiling down the horses for the refreshment department Yet the room was all in
all to me Estella being in it I thought that with her I could have been happy
there for life I was not at all happy there at the time observe and I knew
it well
»Where are you going to at Richmond« I asked Estella
»I am going to live« said she »at a great expense with a lady there who
has the power or says she has of taking me about and introducing me and
showing people to me and showing me to people«
»I suppose you will be glad of variety and admiration«
»Yes I suppose so«
She answered so carelessly that I said »You speak of yourself as if you
were some one else«
»Where did you learn how I speak of others Come come« said Estella
smiling delightfully »you must not expect me to go to school to you I must
talk in my own way How do you thrive with Mr Pocket«
»I live quite pleasantly there at least « It appeared to me that I was
losing a chance
»At least« repeated Estella
»As pleasantly as I could anywhere away from you«
»You silly boy« said Estella quite composedly »how can you talk such
nonsense Your friend Mr Matthew I believe is superior to the rest of his
family«
»Very superior indeed He is nobodys enemy «
» Dont add but his own« interposed Estella »for I hate that class of
man But he really is disinterested and above small jealousy and spite I have
heard«
»I am sure I have every reason to say so«
»You have not every reason to say so of the rest of his people« said
Estella nodding at me with an expression of face that was at once grave and
rallying »for they beset Miss Havisham with reports and insinuations to your
disadvantage They watch you misrepresent you write letters about you
anonymous sometimes and you are the torment and occupation of their lives
You can scarcely realise to yourself the hatred those people feel for you«
»They do me no harm I hope«
Instead of answering Estella burst out laughing This was very singular to
me and I looked at her in considerable perplexity When she left off and she
had not laughed languidly but with real enjoyment I said in my diffident way
with her
»I hope I may suppose that you would not be amused if they did me any harm«
»No no you may be sure of that« said Estella »You may be certain that I
laugh because they fail Oh those people with Miss Havisham and the tortures
they undergo« She laughed again and even now when she had told me why her
laughter was very singular to me for I could not doubt its being genuine and
yet it seemed too much for the occasion I thought there must really be
something more here than I knew she saw the thought in my mind and answered it
»It is not easy for even you« said Estella »to know what satisfaction it
gives me to see those people thwarted or what an enjoyable sense of the
ridiculous I have when they are made ridiculous For you were not brought up in
that strange house from a mere baby I was You had not your little wits
sharpened by their intriguing against you suppressed and defenceless under the
mask of sympathy and pity and what not that is soft and soothing I had You
did not gradually open your round childish eyes wider and wider to the discovery
of that impostor of a woman who calculates her stores of peace of mind for when
she wakes up in the night I did«
It was no laughing matter with Estella now nor was she summoning these
remembrances from any shallow place I would not have been the cause of that
look of hers for all my expectations in a heap
»Two things I can tell you« said Estella »First notwithstanding the
proverb that constant dropping will wear away a stone you may set your mind at
rest that these people never will never would in a hundred years impair your
ground with Miss Havisham in any particular great or small Second I am
beholden to you as the cause of their being so busy and so mean in vain and
there is my hand upon it«
As she gave it me playfully for her darker mood had been but momentary I
held it and put it to my lips »You ridiculous boy« said Estella »will you
never take warning Or do you kiss my hand in the same spirit in which I once
let you kiss my cheek«
»What spirit was that« said I
»I must think a moment A spirit of contempt for the fawners and plotters«
»If I say yes may I kiss the cheek again«
»You should have asked before you touched the hand But yes if you like«
I leaned down and her calm face was like a statues »Now« said Estella
gliding away the instant I touched her cheek »you are to take care that I have
some tea and you are to take me to Richmond«
Her reverting to this tone as if our association were forced upon us and we
were mere puppets gave me pain but everything in our intercourse did give me
pain Whatever her tone with me happened to be I could put no trust in it and
build no hope on it and yet I went on against trust and against hope Why
repeat it a thousand times So it always was
I rang for the tea and the waiter reappearing with his magic clue brought
in by degrees some fifty adjuncts to that refreshment but of tea not a glimpse
A teaboard cups and saucers plates knives and forks including carvers
spoons various saltcellars a meek little muffin confined with the utmost
precaution under a strong iron cover Moses in the bulrushes typified by a soft
bit of butter in a quantity of parsley a pale loaf with a powdered head two
proof impressions of the bars of the kitchen fireplace on triangular bits of
bread and ultimately a fat family urn which the waiter staggered in with
expressing in his countenance burden and suffering After a prolonged absence at
this stage of the entertainment he at length came back with a casket of
precious appearance containing twigs These I steeped in hot water and so from
the whole of these appliances extracted one cup of I dont know what for
Estella
The bill paid and the waiter remembered and the ostler not forgotten and
the chambermaid taken into consideration in a word the whole house bribed
into a state of contempt and animosity and Estellas purse much lightened we
got into our postcoach and drove away Turning into Cheapside and rattling up
Newgatestreet we were soon under the walls of which I was so ashamed
»What place is that« Estella asked me
I made a foolish pretence of not at first recognising it and then told her
As she looked at it and drew in her head again murmuring »Wretches« I would
not have confessed to my visit for any consideration
»Mr Jaggers« said I by way of putting it neatly on somebody else »has
the reputation of being more in the secrets of that dismal place than any man in
London«
»He is more in the secrets of every place I think« said Estella in a low
voice
»You have been accustomed to see him often I suppose«
»I have been accustomed to see him at uncertain intervals ever since I can
remember But I know him no better now than I did before I could speak plainly
What is your own experience of him Do you advance with him«
»Once habituated to his distrustful manner« said I »I have done very
well«
»Are you intimate«
»I have dined with him at his private house«
»I fancy« said Estella shrinking »that must be a curious place«
»It is a curious place«
I should have been chary of discussing my guardian too freely even with her
but I should have gone on with the subject so far as to describe the dinner in
Gerrardstreet if we had not then come into a sudden glare of gas It seemed
while it lasted to be all alight and alive with that inexplicable feeling I had
had before and when we were out of it I was as much dazed for a few moments as
if I had been in Lightning
So we fell into other talk and it was principally about the way by which
we were travelling and about what parts of London lay on this side of it and
what on that The great city was almost new to her she told me for she had
never left Miss Havishams neighbourhood until she had gone to France and she
had merely passed through London then in going and returning I asked her if my
guardian had any charge of her while she remained here To that she emphatically
said »God forbid« and no more
It was impossible for me to avoid seeing that she cared to attract me that
she made herself winning and would have won me even if the task had needed
pains Yet this made me none the happier for even if she had not taken that
tone of our being disposed of by others I should have felt that she held my
heart in her hand because she wilfully chose to do it and not because it would
have wrung any tenderness in her to crush it and throw it away
When we passed through Hammersmith I showed her where Mr Matthew Pocket
lived and said it was no great way from Richmond and that I hoped I should see
her sometimes
»Oh yes you are to see me you are to come when you think proper you are
to be mentioned to the family indeed you are already mentioned«
I inquired was it a large household she was going to be a member of
»No there are only two mother and daughter The mother is a lady of some
station though not averse to increasing her income«
»I wonder Miss Havisham could part with you again so soon«
»It is a part of Miss Havishams plans for me Pip« said Estella with a
sigh as if she were tired »I am to write to her constantly and see her
regularly and report how I go on I and the jewels for they are nearly all
mine now«
It was the first time she had ever called me by my name Of course she did
so purposely and knew that I should treasure it up
We came to Richmond all too soon and our destination there was a house by
the Green a staid old house where hoops and powder and patches embroidered
coats rolled stockings ruffles and swords had had their court days many a
time Some ancient trees before the house were still cut into fashions as formal
and unnatural as the hoops and wigs and stiff skirts but their own allotted
places in the great procession of the dead were not far off and they would soon
drop into them and go the silent way of the rest
A bell with an old voice which I dare say in its time had often said to
the house Here is the green farthingale Here is the diamondhilted sword Here
are the shoes with red heels and the blue solitaire sounded gravely in the
moonlight and two cherrycoloured maids came fluttering out to receive Estella
The doorway soon absorbed her boxes and she gave me her hand and a smile and
said good night and was absorbed likewise And still I stood looking at the
house thinking how happy I should be if I lived there with her and knowing
that I never was happy with her but always miserable
I got into the carriage to be taken back to Hammersmith and I got in with a
bad heartache and I got out with a worse heartache At our own door I found
little Jane Pocket coming home from a little party escorted by her little
lover and I envied her little lover in spite of his being subject to Flopson
Mr Pocket was out lecturing for he was a most delightful lecturer on
domestic economy and his treatises on the management of children and servants
were considered the very best textbooks on those themes But Mrs Pocket was at
home and was in a little difficulty on account of the babys having been
accommodated with a needlecase to keep him quiet during the unaccountable
absence with a relative in the Foot Guards of Millers And more needles were
missing than it could be regarded as quite wholesome for a patient of such
tender years either to apply externally or to take as a tonic
Mr Pocket being justly celebrated for giving most excellent practical
advice and for having a clear and sound perception of things and a highly
judicious mind I had some notion in my heartache of begging him to accept my
confidence But happening to look up at Mrs Pocket as she sat reading her book
of dignities after prescribing Bed as a sovereign remedy for baby I thought
Well No I wouldnt
Chapter XXXIV
As I had grown accustomed to my expectations I had insensibly begun to notice
their effect upon myself and those around me Their influence on my own
character I disguised from my recognition as much as possible but I knew very
well that it was not all good I lived in a state of chronic uneasiness
respecting my behaviour to Joe My conscience was not by any means comfortable
about Biddy When I woke up in the night like Camilla I used to think with
a weariness on my spirits that I should have been happier and better if I had
never seen Miss Havishams face and had risen to manhood content to be partners
with Joe in the honest old forge Many a time of an evening when I sat alone
looking at the fire I thought after all there was no fire like the forge fire
and the kitchen fire at home
Yet Estella was so inseparable from all my restlessness and disquiet of
mind that I really fell into confusion as to the limits of my own part in its
production That is to say supposing I had had no expectations and yet had had
Estella to think of I could not make out to my satisfaction that I should have
done much better Now concerning the influence of my position on others I was
in no such difficulty and so I perceived though dimly enough perhaps that
it was not beneficial to anybody and above all that it was not beneficial to
Herbert My lavish habits led his easy nature into expenses that he could not
afford corrupted the simplicity of his life and disturbed his peace with
anxieties and regrets I was not at all remorseful for having unwittingly set
those other branches of the Pocket family to the poor arts they practised
because such littlenesses were their natural bent and would have been evoked by
anybody else if I had left them slumbering But Herberts was a very different
case and it often caused me a twinge to think that I had done him evil service
in crowding his sparelyfurnished chambers with incongruous upholstery work and
placing the canarybreasted Avenger at his disposal
So now as an infallible way of making little ease great ease I began to
contract a quantity of debt I could hardly begin but Herbert must begin too so
he soon followed At Startops suggestion we put ourselves down for election
into a club called the Finches of the Grove the object of which institution I
have never divined if it were not that the members should dine expensively once
a fortnight to quarrel among themselves as much as possible after dinner and
to cause six waiters to get drunk on the stairs I know that these gratifying
social ends were so invariably accomplished that Herbert and I understood
nothing else to be referred to in the first standing toast of the society which
ran »Gentlemen may the present promotion of good feeling ever reign
predominant among the Finches of the Grove«
The Finches spent their money foolishly the Hotel we dined at was in Covent
Garden and the first Finch I saw when I had the honour of joining the Grove
was Bentley Drummle at that time floundering about town in a cab of his own
and doing a great deal of damage to the posts at the street corners
Occasionally he shot himself out of his equipage headforemost over the apron
and I saw him on one occasion deliver himself at the door of the Grove in this
unintentional way like coals But here I anticipate a little for I was not a
Finch and could not be according to the sacred laws of the society until I
came of age
In my confidence in my own resources I would willingly have taken Herberts
expenses on myself but Herbert was proud and I could make no such proposal to
him So he got into difficulties in every direction and continued to look
about him When we gradually fell into keeping late hours and late company I
noticed that he looked about him with a desponding eye at breakfasttime that
he began to look about him more hopefully about midday that he drooped when he
came into dinner that he seemed to descry Capital in the distance rather
clearly after dinner that he all but realised Capital towards midnight and
that about two oclock in the morning he became so deeply despondent again as
to talk of buying a rifle and going to America with a general purpose of
compelling buffaloes to make his fortune
I was usually at Hammersmith about half the week and when I was at
Hammersmith I haunted Richmond whereof separately byandby Herbert would
often come to Hammersmith when I was there and I think at those seasons his
father would occasionally have some passing perception that the opening he was
looking for had not appeared yet But in the general tumbling up of the family
his tumbling out in life somewhere was a thing to transact itself somehow In
the meantime Mr Pocket grew greyer and tried oftener to lift himself out of
his perplexities by the hair While Mrs Pocket tripped up the family with her
footstool read her book of dignities lost her pockethandkerchief told us
about her grandpapa and taught the young idea how to shoot by shooting it into
bed whenever it attracted her notice
As I am now generalising a period of my life with the object of clearing my
way before me I can scarcely do so better than by at once completing the
description of our usual manners and customs at Barnards Inn
We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could
make up their minds to give us We were always more or less miserable and most
of our acquaintance were in the same condition There was a gay fiction among us
that we were constantly enjoying ourselves and a skeleton truth that we never
did To the best of my belief our case was in the last aspect a rather common
one
Every morning with an air ever new Herbert went into the City to look
about him I often paid him a visit in the dark backroom in which he consorted
with an inkjar a hatpeg a coalbox a stringbox an almanack a desk and
stool and a ruler and I do not remember that I ever saw him do anything else
but look about him If we all did what we undertake to do as faithfully as
Herbert did we might live in a Republic of the Virtues He had nothing else to
do poor fellow except at a certain hour of every afternoon to go to Lloyds
in observance of a ceremony of seeing his principal I think He never did
anything else in connexion with Lloyds that I could find out except come back
again When he felt his case unusually serious and that he positively must find
an opening he would go on Change at a busy time and walk in and out in a
kind of gloomy country dance figure among the assembled magnates »For« says
Herbert to me coming home to dinner on one of those special occasions »I find
the truth to be Handel that an opening wont come to one but one must go to
it so I have been«
If we had been less attached to one another I think we must have hated one
another regularly every morning I detested the chambers beyond expression at
that period of repentance and could not endure the sight of the Avengers
livery which had a more expensive and a less remunerative appearance then than
at any other time in the fourandtwenty hours As we got more and more into
debt breakfast became a hollower and hollower form and being on one occasion
at breakfasttime threatened by letter with legal proceedings not unwholly
unconnected as my local paper might put it with jewellery I went so far as to
seize the Avenger by his blue collar and shake him off his feet so that he was
actually in the air like a booted Cupid for presuming to suppose that we
wanted a roll
At certain times meaning at uncertain times for they depended on our
humour I would say to Herbert as if it were a remarkable discovery
»My dear Herbert we are getting on badly«
»My dear Handel« Herbert would say to me in all sincerity »if you will
believe me those very words were on my lips by a strange coincidence«
»Then Herbert« I would respond »let us look into our affairs«
We always derived profound satisfaction from making an appointment for this
purpose I always thought this was business this was the way to confront the
thing this was the way to take the foe by the throat And I know Herbert
thought so too
We ordered something rather special for dinner with a bottle of something
similarly out of the common way in order that our minds might be fortified for
the occasion and we might come well up to the mark Dinner over we produced a
bundle of pens a copious supply of ink and a goodly show of writing and
blotting paper For there was something very comfortable in having plenty of
stationery
I would then take a sheet of paper and write across the top of it in a
neat hand the heading »Memorandum of Pips debts« with Barnards Inn and the
date very carefully added Herbert would also take a sheet of paper and write
across it with similar formalities »Memorandum of Herberts debts«
Each of us would then refer to a confused heap of papers at his side which
had been thrown into drawers worn into holes in pockets halfburnt in lighting
candles stuck for weeks into the lookingglass and otherwise damaged The
sound of our pens going refreshed us exceedingly insomuch that I sometimes
found it difficult to distinguish between this edifying business proceeding and
actually paying the money In point of meritorious character the two things
seemed about equal
When we had written a little while I would ask Herbert how he got on
Herbert probably would have been scratching his head in a most rueful manner at
the sight of his accumulating figures
»They are mounting up Handel« Herbert would say »upon my life they are
mounting up«
»Be firm Herbert« I would retort plying my own pen with great assiduity
»Look the thing in the face Look into your affairs Stare them out of
countenance«
»So I would Handel only they are staring me out of countenance«
However my determined manner would have its effect and Herbert would fall
to work again After a time he would give up once more on the plea that he had
not got Cobbss bill or Lobbss or Nobbss as the case might be
»Then Herbert estimate estimate it in round numbers and put it down«
»What a fellow of resource you are« my friend would reply with admiration
»Really your business powers are very remarkable«
I thought so too I established with myself on these occasions the
reputation of a firstrate man of business prompt decisive energetic clear
coolheaded When I had got all my responsibilities down upon my list I
compared each with the bill and ticked it off My selfapproval when I ticked
an entry was quite a luxurious sensation When I had no more ticks to make I
folded all my bills up uniformly docketed each on the back and tied the whole
into a symmetrical bundle Then I did the same for Herbert who modestly said he
had not my administrative genius and felt that I had brought his affairs into
a focus for him
My business habits had one other bright feature which I called leaving a
Margin For example supposing Herberts debts to be one hundred and sixtyfour
pounds fourandtwopence I would say »Leave a margin and put them down at two
hundred« Or supposing my own to be four times as much I would leave a margin
and put them down at seven hundred I had the highest opinion of the wisdom of
this same Margin but I am bound to acknowledge that on looking back I deem it
to have been an expensive device For we always ran into new debt immediately
to the full extent of the margin and sometimes in the sense of freedom and
solvency it imparted got pretty far on into another margin
But there was a calm a rest a virtuous hush consequent on these
examinations of our affairs that gave me for the time an admirable opinion of
myself Soothed by my exertions my method and Herberts compliments I would
sit with his symmetrical bundle and my own on the table before me among the
stationery and feel like a Bank of some sort rather than a private individual
We shut our outer door on these solemn occasions in order that we might not
be interrupted I had fallen into my serene state one evening when we heard a
letter dropped through the slit in the said door and fall on the ground »Its
for you Handel« said Herbert going out and coming back with it »and I hope
there is nothing the matter« This was in allusion to its heavy black seal and
border
The letter was signed TRABB amp Co and its contents were simply that I
was an honoured sir and that they begged to inform me that Mrs J Gargery had
departed this life on Monday last at twenty minutes past six in the evening and
that my attendance was requested at the interment on Monday next at three
oclock in the afternoon
Chapter XXXV
It was the first time that a grave had opened in my road of life and the gap it
made in the smooth ground was wonderful The figure of my sister in her chair by
the kitchen fire haunted me night and day That the place could possibly be
without her was something my mind seemed unable to compass and whereas she had
seldom or never been in my thoughts of late I had now the strangest idea that
she was coming towards me in the street or that she would presently knock at
the door In my rooms too with which she had never been at all associated
there was at once the blankness of death and a perpetual suggestion of the sound
of her voice or the turn of her face or figure as if she were still alive and
had been often there
Whatever my fortunes might have been I could scarcely have recalled my
sister with much tenderness But I suppose there is a shock of regret which may
exist without much tenderness Under its influence and perhaps to make up for
the want of the softer feeling I was seized with a violent indignation against
the assailant from whom she had suffered so much and I felt that on sufficient
proof I could have revengefully pursued Orlick or any one else to the last
extremity
Having written to Joe to offer him consolation and to assure him that I
would come to the funeral I passed the intermediate days in the curious state
of mind I have glanced at I went down early in the morning and alighted at the
Blue Boar in good time to walk over to the forge
It was fine summer weather again and as I walked along the times when I
was a little helpless creature and my sister did not spare me vividly
returned But they returned with a gentle tone upon them that softened even the
edge of Tickler For now the very breath of the beans and clover whispered to
my heart that the day must come when it would be well for my memory that others
walking in the sunshine should be softened as they thought of me
At last I came within sight of the house and saw that Trabb and Co had put
in a funereal execution and taken possession Two dismally absurd persons each
ostentatiously exhibiting a crutch done up in a black bandage as if that
instrument could possibly communicate any comfort to anybody were posted at
the front door and in one of them I recognised a postboy discharged from the
Boar for turning a young couple into a sawpit on their bridal morning in
consequence of intoxication rendering it necessary for him to ride his horse
clasped round the neck with both arms All the children of the village and most
of the women were admiring these sable warders and the closed windows of the
house and forge and as I came up one of the two warders the postboy knocked
at the door implying that I was far too much exhausted by grief to have
strength remaining to knock for myself
Another sable warder a carpenter who had once eaten two geese for a wager
opened the door and showed me into the best parlour Here Mr Trabb had taken
unto himself the best table and had got all the leaves up and was holding a
kind of black Bazaar with the aid of a quantity of black pins At the moment of
my arrival he had just finished putting somebodys hat into black longclothes
like an African baby so he held out his hand for mine But I misled by the
action and confused by the occasion shook hands with him with every testimony
of warm affection
Poor dear Joe entangled in a little black cloak tied in a large bow under
his chin was seated apart at the upper end of the room where as chief
mourner he had evidently been stationed by Trabb When I bent down and said to
him »Dear Joe how are you« he said »Pip old chap you knowd her when she
were a fine figure of a « and clasped my hand and said no more
Biddy looking very neat and modest in her black dress went quietly here
and there and was very helpful When I had spoken to Biddy as I thought it not
a time for talking I went and sat down near Joe and there began to wonder in
what part of the house it she my sister was The air of the parlour being
faint with the smell of sweet cake I looked about for the table of
refreshments it was scarcely visible until one had got accustomed to the gloom
but there was a cutup plumcake upon it and there were cutup oranges and
sandwiches and biscuits and two decanters that I knew very well as ornaments
but had never seen used in all my life one full of port and one of sherry
Standing at this table I became conscious of the servile Pumblechook in a black
cloak and several yards of hatband who was alternately stuffing himself and
making obsequious movements to catch my attention The moment he succeeded he
came over to me breathing sherry and crumbs and said in a subdued voice »May
I dear sir« and did I then descried Mr and Mrs Hubble the lastnamed in a
decent speechless paroxysm in a corner We were all going to follow and were
all in course of being tied up separately by Trabb into ridiculous bundles
»Which I meantersay Pip« Joe whispered me as we were being what Mr Trabb
called formed in the parlour two and two and it was dreadfully like a
preparation for some grim kind of dance »which I meantersay sir as I would in
preference have carried her to the church myself along with three or four
friendly ones wot come to it with willing harts and arms but it were considered
wot the neighbours would look down on such and would be of opinions as it were
wanting in respect«
»Pockethandkerchiefs out all« cried Mr Trabb at this point in a
depressed businesslike voice »Pockethandkerchiefs out We are ready«
So we all put our pockethandkerchiefs to our faces as if our noses were
bleeding and filed out two and two Joe and I Biddy and Pumblechook Mr and
Mrs Hubble The remains of my poor sister had been brought round by the kitchen
door and it being a point of Undertaking ceremony that the six bearers must be
stifled and blinded under a horrible black velvet housing with a white border
the whole looked like a blind monster with twelve human legs shuffling and
blundering along under the guidance of two keepers the postboy and his
comrade
The neighbourhood however highly approved of these arrangements and we
were much admired as we went through the village the more youthful and vigorous
part of the community making dashes now and then to cut us off and lying in
wait to intercept us at points of vantage At such times the more exuberant
among them called out in an excited manner on our emergence round some corner of
expectancy »Here they come« »Here they are« and we were all but cheered In
this progress I was much annoyed by the abject Pumblechook who being behind
me persisted all the way as a delicate attention in arranging my streaming
hatband and smoothing my cloak My thoughts were further distracted by the
excessive pride of Mr and Mrs Hubble who were surpassingly conceited and
vainglorious in being members of so distinguished a procession
And now the range of marshes lay clear before us with the sails of the
ships on the river growing out of it and we went into the churchyard close to
the graves of my unknown parents Philip Pirrip late of this parish and Also
Georgiana Wife of the Above And there my sister was laid quietly in the earth
while the larks sang high above it and the light wind strewed it with beautiful
shadows of clouds and trees
Of the conduct of the worldlyminded Pumblechook while this was doing I
desire to say no more than it was all addressed to me and that even when those
noble passages were read which reminded humanity how it brought nothing into the
world and can take nothing out and how it fleeth like a shadow and never
continueth long in one stay I heard him cough a reservation of the case of a
young gentleman who came unexpectedly into a large property When we got back
he had the hardihood to tell me that he wished my sister could have known I had
done her so much honour and to hint that she would have considered it
reasonably purchased at the price of her death After that he drank all the
rest of the sherry and Mr Hubble drank the port and the two talked which I
have since observed to be customary in such cases as if they were of quite
another race from the deceased and were notoriously immortal Finally he went
away with Mr and Mrs Hubble to make an evening of it I felt sure and to
tell the Jolly Bargemen that he was the founder of my fortunes and my earliest
benefactor
When they were all gone and when Trabb and his men but not his boy I
looked for him had crammed their mummery into bags and were gone too the
house felt wholesomer Soon afterwards Biddy Joe and I had a cold dinner
together but we dined in the best parlour not in the old kitchen and Joe was
so exceedingly particular what he did with his knife and fork and the
saltcellar and what not that there was great restraint upon us But after
dinner when I made him take his pipe and when I had loitered with him about
the forge and when we sat down together on the great block of stone outside it
we got on better I noticed that after the funeral Joe changed his clothes so
far as to make a compromise between his Sunday dress and working dress in
which the dear fellow looked natural and like the Man he was
He was very much pleased by my asking if I might sleep in my own little
room and I was pleased too for I felt that I had done rather a great thing in
making the request When the shadows of evening were closing in I took an
opportunity of getting into the garden with Biddy for a little talk
»Biddy« said I »I think you might have written to me about these sad
matters«
»Do you Mr Pip« said Biddy »I should have written if I had thought
that«
»Dont suppose that I mean to be unkind Biddy when I say I consider that
you ought to have thought that«
»Do you Mr Pip«
She was so quiet and had such an orderly good and pretty way with her
that I did not like the thought of making her cry again After looking a little
at her downcast eyes as she walked beside me I gave up that point
»I suppose it will be difficult for you to remain here now Biddy dear«
»Oh I cant do so Mr Pip« said Biddy in a tone of regret but still of
quiet conviction »I have been speaking to Mrs Hubble and I am going to her
tomorrow I hope we shall be able to take some care of Mr Gargery together
until he settles down«
»How are you going to live Biddy If you want any mo«
»How am I going to live« repeated Biddy striking in with a momentary
flush upon her face »Ill tell you Mr Pip I am going to try to get the place
of mistress in the new school nearly finished here I can be well recommended by
all the neighbours and I hope I can be industrious and patient and teach
myself while I teach others You know Mr Pip« pursued Biddy with a smile as
she raised her eyes to my face »the new schools are not like the old but I
learnt a good deal from you after that time and have had time since then to
improve«
»I think you would always improve Biddy under any circumstances«
»Ah Except in my bad side of human nature« murmured Biddy
It was not so much a reproach as an irresistible thinking aloud Well I
thought I would give up that point too So I walked a little further with
Biddy looking silently at her downcast eyes
»I have not heard the particulars of my sisters death Biddy«
»They are very slight poor thing She had been in one of her bad states
though they had got better of late rather than worse for four days when she
came out of it in the evening just at teatime and said quite plainly Joe As
she had never said any word for a long while I ran and fetched in Mr Gargery
from the forge She made signs to me that she wanted him to sit down close to
her and wanted me to put her arms round his neck So I put them round his neck
and she laid her head down on his shoulder quite content and satisfied And so
she presently said Joe again and once Pardon and once Pip And so she never
lifted her head up any more and it was just an hour later when we laid it down
on her own bed because we found she was gone«
Biddy cried the darkening garden and the lane and the stars that were
coming out were blurred in my own sight
»Nothing was ever discovered Biddy«
»Nothing«
»Do you know what is become of Orlick«
»I should think from the colour of his clothes that he is working in the
quarries«
»Of course you have seen him then Why are you looking at that dark tree
in the lane«
»I saw him there on the night she died«
»That was not the last time either Biddy«
»No I have seen him there since we have been walking here It is of no
use« said Biddy laying her hand upon my arm as I was for running out »you
know I would not deceive you he was not there a minute and he is gone«
It revived my utmost indignation to find that she was still pursued by this
fellow and I felt inveterate against him I told her so and told her that I
would spend any money or take any pains to drive him out of that country By
degrees she led me into more temperate talk and she told me how Joe loved me
and how Joe never complained of anything she didnt say of me she had no
need I knew what she meant but ever did his duty in his way of life with a
strong hand a quiet tongue and a gentle heart
»Indeed it would be hard to say too much for him« said I »and Biddy we
must often speak of these things for of course I shall be often down here now
I am not going to leave poor Joe alone«
Biddy said never a single word
»Biddy dont you hear me«
»Yes Mr Pip«
»Not to mention your calling me Mr Pip which appears to me to be in bad
taste Biddy what do you mean«
»What do I mean« asked Biddy timidly
»Biddy« said I in a virtuously selfasserting manner »I must request to
know what you mean by this«
»By this« said Biddy
»No dont echo« I retorted »You used not to echo Biddy«
»Used not« said Biddy »Oh Mr Pip Used«
Well I rather thought I would give up that point too After another silent
turn in the garden I fell back on the main position
»Biddy« said I »I made a remark respecting my coming down here often to
see Joe which you received with a marked silence Have the goodness Biddy to
tell me why«
»Are you quite sure then that you WILL come to see him often« asked
Biddy stopping in the narrow garden walk and looking at me under the stars
with a clear and honest eye
»Oh dear me« said I as I found myself compelled to give up Biddy in
despair »This really is a very bad side of human nature Dont say any more if
you please Biddy This shocks me very much«
For which cogent reason I kept Biddy at a distance during supper and when I
went up to my own old little room took as stately a leave of her as I could in
my murmuring soul deem reconcilable with the churchyard and the event of the
day As often as I was restless in the night and that was every quarter of an
hour I reflected what an unkindness what an injury what an injustice Biddy
had done me
Early in the morning I was to go Early in the morning I was out and
looking in unseen at one of the wooden windows of the forge There I stood
for minutes looking at Joe already at work with a glow of health and strength
upon his face that made it show as if the bright sun of the life in store for
him were shining on it
»Goodbye dear Joe No dont wipe it off for Gods sake give me your
blackened hand I shall be down soon and often«
»Never too soon sir« said Joe »and never too often Pip«
Biddy was waiting for me at the kitchen door with a mug of new milk and a
crust of bread »Biddy« said I when I gave her my hand at parting »I am not
angry but I am hurt«
»No dont be hurt« she pleaded quite pathetically »let only me be hurt
if I have been ungenerous«
Once more the mists were rising as I walked away If they disclosed to me
as I suspect they did that I should not come back and that Biddy was quite
right all I can say is they were quite right too
Chapter XXXVI
Herbert and I went on from bad to worse in the way of increasing our debts
looking into our affairs leaving Margins and the like exemplary transactions
and Time went on whether or no as he has a way of doing and I came of age
in fulfilment of Herberts prediction that I should do so before I knew where I
was
Herbert himself had come of age eight months before me As he had nothing
else than his majority to come into the event did not make a profound sensation
in Barnards Inn But we had looked forward to my oneandtwentieth birthday
with a crowd of speculations and anticipations for we had both considered that
my guardian could hardly help saying something definite on that occasion
I had taken care to have it well understood in Little Britain when my
birthday was On the day before it I received an official note from Wemmick
informing me that Mr Jaggers would be glad if I would call upon him at five in
the afternoon of the auspicious day This convinced us that something great was
to happen and threw me into an unusual flutter when I repaired to my guardians
office a model of punctuality
In the outer office Wemmick offered me his congratulations and incidentally
rubbed the side of his nose with a folded piece of tissuepaper that I liked the
look of But he said nothing respecting it and motioned me with a nod into my
guardians room It was November and my guardian was standing before his fire
leaning his back against the chimneypiece with his hands under his coattails
»Well Pip« said he »I must call you Mr Pip today Congratulations Mr
Pip«
We shook hands he was always a remarkably short shaker and I thanked
him
»Take a chair Mr Pip« said my guardian
As I sat down and he preserved his attitude and bent his brows at his
boots I felt at a disadvantage which reminded me of that old time when I had
been put upon a tombstone The two ghastly casts on the shelf were not far from
him and their expression was as if they were making a stupid apoplectic attempt
to attend to conversation
»Now my young friend« my guardian began as if I were a witness in the
box »I am going to have a word or two with you«
»If you please sir«
»What do you suppose« said Mr Jaggers bending forward to look at the
ground and then throwing his head back to look at the ceiling »what do you
suppose you are living at the rate of«
»At the rate of sir«
»At« repeated Mr Jaggers still looking at the ceiling »the rate of«
And then looked all round the room and paused with his pockethandkerchief in
his hand halfway to his nose
I had looked into my affairs so often that I had thoroughly destroyed any
slight notion I might ever have had of their bearings Reluctantly I confessed
myself quite unable to answer the question This reply seemed agreeable to Mr
Jaggers who said »I thought so« and blew his nose with an air of
satisfaction
»Now I have asked you a question my friend« said Mr Jaggers »Have you
anything to ask me«
»Of course it would be a great relief to me to ask you several questions
sir but I remember your prohibition«
»Ask one« said Mr Jaggers
»Is my benefactor to be made known to me today«
»No Ask another«
»Is that confidence to be imparted to me soon«
»Waive that a moment« said Mr Jaggers »and ask another«
I looked about me but there appeared to be now no possible escape from the
inquiry »Have I anything to receive sir« On that Mr Jaggers said
triumphantly »I thought we should come to it« and called to Wemmick to give
him that piece of paper Wemmick appeared handed it in and disappeared
»Now Mr Pip« said Mr Jaggers »attend if you please You have been
drawing pretty freely here your name occurs pretty often in Wemmicks
cashbook but you are in debt of course«
»I am afraid I must say yes sir«
»You know you must say yes dont you« said Mr Jaggers
»Yes sir«
»I dont ask you what you owe because you dont know and if you did know
you wouldnt tell me you would say less Yes yes my friend« cried Mr
Jaggers waving his forefinger to stop me as I made a show of protesting »its
likely enough that you think you wouldnt but you would Youll excuse me but
I know better than you Now take this piece of paper in your hand You have got
it Very good Now unfold it and tell me what it is«
»This is a banknote« said I »for five hundred pounds«
»That is a banknote« repeated Mr Jaggers »for five hundred pounds And a
very handsome sum of money too I think You consider it so«
»How could I do otherwise«
»Ah But answer the question« said Mr Jaggers
»Undoubtedly«
»You consider it undoubtedly a handsome sum of money Now that handsome
sum of money Pip is your own It is a present to you on this day in earnest
of your expectations And at the rate of that handsome sum of money per annum
and at no higher rate you are to live until the donor of the whole appears
That is to say you will now take your money affairs entirely into your own
hands and you will draw from Wemmick one hundred and twentyfive pounds per
quarter until you are in communication with the fountainhead and no longer
with the mere agent As I have told you before I am the mere agent I execute
my instructions and I am paid for doing so I think them injudicious but I am
not paid for giving any opinion on their merits«
I was beginning to express my gratitude to my benefactor for the great
liberality with which I was treated when Mr Jaggers stopped me »I am not
paid Pip« said he coolly »to carry your words to any one« and then gathered
up his coattails as he had gathered up the subject and stood frowning at his
boots as if he suspected them of designs against him
After a pause I hinted
»There was a question just now Mr Jaggers which you desired me to waive
for a moment I hope I am doing nothing wrong in asking it again«
»What is it« said he
I might have known that he would never help me out but it took me aback to
have to shape the question afresh as if it were quite new »Is it likely« I
said after hesitating »that my patron the fountainhead you have spoken of
Mr Jaggers will soon « there I delicately stopped
»Will soon what« asked Mr Jaggers »Thats no question as it stands you
know«
»Will soon come to London« said I after casting about for a precise form
of words »or summon me anywhere else«
»Now here« replied Mr Jaggers fixing me for the first time with his dark
deepset eyes »we must revert to the evening when we first encountered one
another in your village What did I tell you then Pip«
»You told me Mr Jaggers that it might be years hence when that person
appeared«
»Just so« said Mr Jaggers »thats my answer«
As we looked full at one another I felt my breath come quicker in my strong
desire to get something out of him And as I felt that it came quicker and as I
felt that he saw that it came quicker I felt that I had less chance than ever
of getting anything out of him
»Do you suppose it will still be years hence Mr Jaggers«
Mr Jaggers shook his head not in negativing the question but in
altogether negativing the notion that he could anyhow be got to answer it and
the two horrible casts of the twitched faces looked when my eyes strayed up to
them as if they had come to a crisis in their suspended attention and were
going to sneeze
»Come« said Mr Jaggers warming the backs of his legs with the backs of
his warmed hands »Ill be plain with you my friend Pip Thats a question I
must not be asked Youll understand that better when I tell you its a
question that might compromise me Come Ill go a little further with you Ill
say something more«
He bent down so low to frown at his boots that he was able to rub the
calves of his legs in the pause he made
»When that person discloses« said Mr Jaggers straightening himself »you
and that person will settle your own affairs When that person discloses my
part in this business will cease and determine When that person discloses it
will not be necessary for me to know anything about it And thats all I have
got to say«
We looked at one another until I withdrew my eyes and looked thoughtfully
at the floor From this last speech I derived the notion that Miss Havisham for
some reason or no reason had not taken him into her confidence as to her
designing me for Estella that he resented this and felt a jealousy about it
or that he really did object to that scheme and would have nothing to do with
it When I raised my eyes again I found that he had been shrewdly looking at me
all the time and was doing so still
»If that is all you have to say sir« I remarked »there can be nothing
left for me to say«
He nodded assent and pulled out his thiefdreaded watch and asked me where
I was going to dine I replied at my own chambers with Herbert As a necessary
sequence I asked him if he would favour us with his company and he promptly
accepted the invitation But he insisted on walking home with me in order that
I might make no extra preparation for him and first he had a letter or two to
write and of course had his hands to wash So I said I would go into the
outer office and talk to Wemmick
The fact was that when the five hundred pounds had come into my pocket a
thought had come into my head which had been often there before and it appeared
to me that Wemmick was a good person to advise with concerning such thought
He had already locked up his safe and made preparations for going home He
had left his desk brought out his two greasy office candlesticks and stood them
in line with the snuffers on a slab near the door ready to be extinguished he
had raked his fire low put his hat and greatcoat ready and was beating
himself all over the chest with his safekey as an athletic exercise after
business
»Mr Wemmick« said I »I want to ask your opinion I am very desirous to
serve a friend«
Wemmick tightened his postoffice and shook his head as if his opinion were
dead against any fatal weakness of that sort
»This friend« I pursued »is trying to get on in commercial life but has
no money and finds it difficult and disheartening to make a beginning Now I
want somehow to help him to a beginning«
»With money down« said Wemmick in a tone drier than any sawdust
»With some money down« I replied for an uneasy remembrance shot across me
of that symmetrical bundle of papers at home »with some money down and perhaps
some anticipation of my expectations«
»Mr Pip« said Wemmick »I should like just to run over with you on my
fingers if you please the names of the various bridges up as high as Chelsea
Reach Lets see theres London one Southwark two Blackfriars three
Waterloo four Westminster five Vauxhall six« He had checked off each
bridge in its turn with the handle of his safekey on the palm of his hand
»Theres as many as six you see to choose from«
»I dont understand you« said I
»Choose your bridge Mr Pip« returned Wemmick »and take a walk upon your
bridge and pitch your money into the Thames over the centre arch of your
bridge and you know the end of it Serve a friend with it and you may know the
end of it too but its a less pleasant and profitable end«
I could have posted a newspaper in his mouth he made it so wide after
saying this
»This is very discouraging« said I
»Meant to be so« said Wemmick
»Then is it your opinion« I inquired with some little indignation »that a
man should never «
» Invest portable property in a friend« said Wemmick »Certainly he should
not Unless he wants to get rid of the friend and then it becomes a question
how much portable property it may be worth to get rid of him«
»And that« said I »is your deliberate opinion Mr Wemmick«
»That« he returned »is my deliberate opinion in this office«
»Ah« said I pressing him for I thought I saw him near a loophole here
»but would that be your opinion at Walworth«
»Mr Pip« he replied with gravity »Walworth is one place and this office
is another Much as the Aged is one person and Mr Jaggers is another They
must not be confounded together My Walworth sentiments must be taken at
Walworth none but my official sentiments can be taken in this office«
»Very well« said I much relieved »then I shall look you up at Walworth
you may depend upon it«
»Mr Pip« he returned »you will be welcome there in a private and
personal capacity«
We had held this conversation in a low voice well knowing my guardians
ears to be the sharpest of the sharp As he now appeared in his doorway
towelling his hands Wemmick got on his greatcoat and stood by to snuff out the
candles We all three went into the street together and from the doorstep
Wemmick turned his way and Mr Jaggers and I turned ours
I could not help wishing more than once that evening that Mr Jaggers had
had an Aged in Gerrardstreet or a Stinger or a Something or a Somebody to
unbend his brows a little It was an uncomfortable consideration on a
twentyfirst birthday that coming of age at all seemed hardly worth while in
such a guarded and suspicious world as he made of it He was a thousand times
better informed and cleverer than Wemmick and yet I would a thousand times
rather have had Wemmick to dinner And Mr Jaggers made not me alone intensely
melancholy because after he was gone Herbert said of himself with his eyes
fixed on the fire that he thought he must have committed a felony and forgotten
the details of it he felt so dejected and guilty
Chapter XXXVII
Deeming Sunday the best day for taking Mr Wemmicks Walworth sentiments I
devoted the next ensuing Sunday afternoon to a pilgrimage to the Castle On
arriving before the battlements I found the Union Jack flying and the
drawbridge up but undeterred by this show of defiance and resistance I rang at
the gate and was admitted in a most pacific manner by the Aged
»My son sir« said the old man after securing the drawbridge »rather had
it in his mind that you might happen to drop in and he left word that he would
soon be home from his afternoons walk He is very regular in his walks is my
son Very regular in everything is my son«
I nodded at the old gentleman as Wemmick himself might have nodded and we
went in and sat down by the fireside
»You made acquaintance with my son sir« said the old man in his chirping
way while he warmed his hands at the blaze »at his office I expect« I
nodded »Hah I have heerd that my son is a wonderful hand at his business
sir« I nodded hard »Yes so they tell me His business is the Law« I nodded
harder »Which makes it more surprising in my son« said the old man »for he
was not brought up to the Law but to the WineCoopering«
Curious to know how the old gentleman stood informed concerning the
reputation of Mr Jaggers I roared that name at him He threw me into the
greatest confusion by laughing heartily and replying in a very sprightly manner
»No to be sure youre right« And to this hour I have not the faintest notion
of what he meant or what joke he thought I had made
As I could not sit there nodding at him perpetually without making some
other attempt to interest him I shouted an inquiry whether his own calling in
life had been the WineCoopering By dint of straining that term out of myself
several times and tapping the old gentleman on the chest to associate it with
him I at last succeeded in making my meaning understood
»No« said the old gentleman »the warehousing the warehousing First over
yonder« he appeared to mean up the chimney but I believe he intended to refer
me to Liverpool »and then in the City of London here However having an
infirmity for I am hard of hearing sir «
I expressed in pantomime the greatest astonishment
» Yes hard of hearing having that infirmity coming upon me my son he
went into the Law and he took charge of me and he by little and little made
out this elegant and beautiful property But returning to what you said you
know« pursued the old man again laughing heartily »what I say is No to be
sure youre right«
I was modestly wondering whether my utmost ingenuity would have enabled me
to say anything that would have amused him half as much as this imaginary
pleasantry when I was startled by a sudden click in the wall on one side of the
chimney and the ghostly tumbling open of a little wooden flap with John upon
it The old man following my eyes cried with great triumph »My sons come
home« and we both went out to the drawbridge
It was worth any money to see Wemmick waving a salute to me from the other
side of the moat when we might have shaken hands across it with the greatest
ease The Aged was so delighted to work the drawbridge that I made no offer to
assist him but stood quiet until Wemmick had come across and had presented me
to Miss Skiffins a lady by whom he was accompanied
Miss Skiffins was of a wooden appearance and was like her escort in the
postoffice branch of the service She might have been some two or three years
younger than Wemmick and I judged her to stand possessed of portable property
The cut of her dress from the waist upward both before and behind made her
figure very like a boys kite and I might have pronounced her gown a little too
decidedly orange and her gloves a little too intensely green But she seemed to
be a good sort of fellow and showed a high regard for the Aged I was not long
in discovering that she was a frequent visitor at the Castle for on our going
in and my complimenting Wemmick on his ingenious contrivance for announcing
himself to the Aged he begged me to give my attention for a moment to the other
side of the chimney and disappeared Presently another click came and another
little door tumbled open with Miss Skiffins on it then Miss Skiffins shut up
and John tumbled open then Miss Skiffins and John both tumbled open together
and finally shut up together On Wemmicks return from working these mechanical
appliances I expressed the great admiration with which I regarded them and he
said »Well you know theyre both pleasant and useful to the Aged And by
George sir its a thing worth mentioning that of all the people who come to
this gate the secret of those pulls is only known to the Aged Miss Skiffins
and me«
»And Mr Wemmick made them« added Miss Skiffins »with his own hands out of
his own head«
While Miss Skiffins was taking off her bonnet she retained her green gloves
during the evening as an outward and visible sign that there was company
Wemmick invited me to take a walk with him round the property and see how the
island looked in wintertime Thinking that he did this to give me an
opportunity of taking his Walworth sentiments I seized the opportunity as soon
as we were out of the Castle
Having thought of the matter with care I approached my subject as if I had
never hinted at it before I informed Wemmick that I was anxious in behalf of
Herbert Pocket and I told him how we had first met and how we had fought I
glanced at Herberts home and at his character and at his having no means but
such as he was dependent on his father for those uncertain and unpunctual I
alluded to the advantages I had derived in my first rawness and ignorance from
his society and I confessed that I feared I had but ill repaid them and that
he might have done better without me and my expectations Keeping Miss Havisham
in the background at a great distance I still hinted at the possibility of my
having competed with him in his prospects and at the certainty of his
possessing a generous soul and being far above any mean distrusts
retaliations or designs For all these reasons I told Wemmick and because
he was my young companion and friend and I had a great affection for him I
wished my own good fortune to reflect some rays upon him and therefore I sought
advice from Wemmicks experience and knowledge of men and affairs how I could
best try with my resources to help Herbert to some present income say of a
hundred a year to keep him in good hope and heart and gradually to buy him on
to some small partnership I begged Wemmick in conclusion to understand that
my help must always be rendered without Herberts knowledge or suspicion and
that there was no one else in the world with whom I could advise I wound up by
laying my hand upon his shoulder and saying »I cant help confiding in you
though I know it must be troublesome to you but that is your fault in having
ever brought me here«
Wemmick was silent for a little while and then said with a kind of start
»Well you know Mr Pip I must tell you one thing This is devilish good of
you«
»Say youll help me to be good then« said I
»Ecod« replied Wemmick shaking his head »thats not my trade«
»Nor is this your tradingplace« said I
»You are right« he returned »You hit the nail on the head Mr Pip Ill
put on my considering cap and I think all you want to do may be done by
degrees Skiffins thats her brother is an accountant and agent Ill look him
up and go to work for you«
»I thank you ten thousand times«
»On the contrary« said he »I thank you for though we are strictly in our
private and personal capacity still it may be mentioned that there are Newgate
cobwebs about and it brushes them away«
After a little further conversation to the same effect we returned into the
Castle where we found Miss Skiffins preparing tea The responsible duty of
making the toast was delegated to the Aged and that excellent old gentleman was
so intent upon it that he seemed to be in some danger of melting his eyes It
was no nominal meal that we were going to make but a vigorous reality The Aged
prepared such a haystack of buttered toast that I could scarcely see him over
it as it simmered on an iron stand hooked on to the topbar while Miss Skiffins
brewed such a jorum of tea that the pig in the back premises became strongly
excited and repeatedly expressed his desire to participate in the
entertainment
The flag had been struck and the gun had been fired at the right moment of
time and I felt as snugly cut off from the rest of Walworth as if the moat were
thirty feet wide by as many deep Nothing disturbed the tranquillity of the
Castle but the occasional tumbling open of John and Miss Skiffins which little
doors were a prey to some spasmodic infirmity that made me sympathetically
uncomfortable until I got used to it I inferred from the methodical nature of
Miss Skiffinss arrangements that she made tea there every Sunday night and I
rather suspected that a classic brooch she wore representing the profile of an
undesirable female with a very straight nose and a very new moon was a piece of
portable property that had been given her by Wemmick
We ate the whole of the toast and drank tea in proportion and it was
delightful to see how warm and greasy we all got after it The Aged especially
might have passed for some clean old chief of a savage tribe just oiled After
a short pause of repose Miss Skiffins in the absence of the little servant
who it seemed retired to the bosom of her family on Sunday afternoons washed
up the teathings in a trifling ladylike amateur manner that compromised none
of us Then she put on her gloves again and we drew round the fire and
Wemmick said »Now Aged Parent tip us the paper«
Wemmick explained to me while the Aged got his spectacles out that this
was according to custom and that it gave the old gentleman infinite
satisfaction to read the news aloud »I wont offer an apology« said Wemmick
»for he isnt capable of many pleasures are you Aged P«
»All right John all right« returned the old man seeing himself spoken
to
»Only tip him a nod every now and then when he looks off his paper« said
Wemmick »and hell be as happy as a king We are all attention Aged One«
»All right John all right« returned the cheerful old man so busy and so
pleased that it really was quite charming
The Ageds reading reminded me of the classes at Mr Wopsles greataunts
with the pleasanter peculiarity that it seemed to come through a keyhole As he
wanted the candles close to him and as he was always on the verge of putting
either his head or the newspaper into them he required as much watching as a
powdermill But Wemmick was equally untiring and gentle in his vigilance and
the Aged read on quite unconscious of his many rescues Whenever he looked at
us we all expressed the greatest interest and amazement and nodded until he
resumed again
As Wemmick and Miss Skiffins sat side by side and as I sat in a shadowy
corner I observed a slow and gradual elongation of Mr Wemmicks mouth
powerfully suggestive of his slowly and gradually stealing his arm round Miss
Skiffinss waist In course of time I saw his hand appear on the other side of
Miss Skiffins but at that moment Miss Skiffins neatly stopped him with the
green glove unwound his arm again as if it were an article of dress and with
the greatest deliberation laid it on the table before her Miss Skiffinss
composure while she did this was one of the most remarkable sights I have ever
seen and if I could have thought the act consistent with abstraction of mind I
should have deemed that Miss Skiffins performed it mechanically
Byandby I noticed Wemmicks arm beginning to disappear again and
gradually fading out of view Shortly afterwards his mouth began to widen
again After an interval of suspense on my part that was quite enthralling and
almost painful I saw his hand appear on the other side of Miss Skiffins
Instantly Miss Skiffins stopped it with the neatness of a placid boxer took
off that girdle or cestus as before and laid it on the table Taking the table
to represent the path of virtue I am justified in stating that during the whole
time of the Ageds reading Wemmicks arm was straying from the path of virtue
and being recalled to it by Miss Skiffins
At last the Aged read himself into a light slumber This was the time for
Wemmick to produce a little kettle a tray of glasses and a black bottle with a
porcelaintopped cork representing some clerical dignitary of a rubicund and
social aspect With the aid of these appliances we all had something warm to
drink including the Aged who was soon awake again Miss Skiffins mixed and I
observed that she and Wemmick drank out of one glass Of course I knew better
than to offer to see Miss Skiffins home and under the circumstances I thought I
had best go first which I did taking a cordial leave of the Aged and having
passed a pleasant evening
Before a week was out I received a note from Wemmick dated Walworth
stating that he hoped he had made some advance in that matter appertaining to
our private and personal capacities and that he would be glad if I could come
and see him again upon it So I went out to Walworth again and yet again and
yet again and I saw him by appointment in the City several times but never
held any communication with him on the subject in or near Little Britain The
upshot was that we found a worthy young merchant or shippingbroker not long
established in business who wanted intelligent help and who wanted capital
and who in due course of time and receipt would want a partner Between him and
me secret articles were signed of which Herbert was the subject and I paid him
half of my five hundred pounds down and engaged for sundry other payments
some to fall due at certain dates out of my income some contingent on my
coming into my property Miss Skiffinss brother conducted the negotiation
Wemmick pervaded it throughout but never appeared in it
The whole business was so cleverly managed that Herbert had not the least
suspicion of my hand being in it I never shall forget the radiant face with
which he came home one afternoon and told me as a mighty piece of news of his
having fallen in with one Clarriker the young merchants name and of
Clarrikers having shown an extraordinary inclination towards him and of his
belief that the opening had come at last Day by day as his hopes grew stronger
and his face brighter he must have thought me a more and more affectionate
friend for I had the greatest difficulty in restraining my tears of triumph
when I saw him so happy
At length the thing being done and he having that day entered Clarrikers
House and he having talked to me for a whole evening in a flush of pleasure and
success I did really cry in good earnest when I went to bed to think that my
expectations had done some good to somebody
A great event in my life the turningpoint of my life now opens on my
view But before I proceed to narrate it and before I pass on to all the
changes it involved I must give one chapter to Estella It is not much to give
to the theme that so long filled my heart
Chapter XXXVIII
If that staid old house near the Green at Richmond should ever come to be
haunted when I am dead it will be haunted surely by my ghost O the many
many nights and days through which the unquiet spirit within me haunted that
house when Estella lived there Let my body be where it would my spirit was
always wandering wandering wandering about that house
The lady with whom Estella was placed Mrs Brandley by name was a widow
with one daughter several years older than Estella The mother looked young and
the daughter looked old the mothers complexion was pink and the daughters
was yellow the mother set up for frivolity and the daughter for theology They
were in what is called a good position and visited and were visited by
numbers of people Little if any community of feeling subsisted between them
and Estella but the understanding was established that they were necessary to
her and that she was necessary to them Mrs Brandley had been a friend of Miss
Havishams before the time of her seclusion
In Mrs Brandleys house and out of Mrs Brandleys house I suffered every
kind and degree of torture that Estella could cause me The nature of my
relations with her which placed me on terms of familiarity without placing me
on terms of favour conduced to my distraction She made use of me to tease
other admirers and she turned the very familiarity between herself and me to
the account of putting a constant slight on my devotion to her If I had been
her secretary steward halfbrother poor relation if I had been a younger
brother of her appointed husband I could not have seemed to myself further
from my hopes when I was nearest to her The privilege of calling her by her
name and hearing her call me by mine became under the circumstances an
aggravation of my trials and while I think it likely that it almost maddened
her other lovers I knew too certainly that it almost maddened me
She had admirers without end No doubt my jealousy made an admirer of every
one who went near her but there were more than enough of them without that
I saw her often at Richmond I heard of her often in town and I used often
to take her and the Brandleys on the water there were picnics fête days
plays operas concerts parties all sorts of pleasures through which I
pursued her and they were all miseries to me I never had one hours happiness
in her society and yet my mind all round the fourand hours was harping on the
happiness of having her with me unto death
Throughout this part of our intercourse and it lasted as will presently
be seen for what I then thought a long time she habitually reverted to that
tone which expressed that our association was forced upon us There were other
times when she would come to a sudden check in this tone and in all her many
tones and would seem to pity me
»Pip Pip« she said one evening coming to such a check when we sat apart
at a darkening window of the house in Richmond »will you never take warning«
»Of what«
»Of me«
»Warning not to be attracted by you do you mean Estella«
»Do I mean If you dont know what I mean you are blind«
I should have replied that Love was commonly reputed blind but for the
reason that I always was restrained and this was not the least of my miseries
by a feeling that it was ungenerous to press myself upon her when she knew
that she could not choose but obey Miss Havisham My dread always was that this
knowledge on her part laid me under a heavy disadvantage with her pride and
made me the subject of a rebellious struggle in her bosom
»At any rate« said I »I have no warning given me just now for you wrote
to me to come to you this time«
»Thats true« said Estella with a cold careless smile that always chilled
me
After looking at the twilight without for a little while she went on to
say
»The time has come round when Miss Havisham wishes to have me for a day at
Satis You are to take me there and bring me back if you will She would
rather I did not travel alone and objects to receiving my maid for she has a
sensitive horror of being talked of by such people Can you take me«
»Can I take you Estella«
»You can then The day after tomorrow if you please You are to pay all
charges out of my purse You hear the condition of your going«
»And must obey« said I
This was all the preparation I received for that visit or for others like
it Miss Havisham never wrote to me nor had I ever so much as seen her
handwriting We went down on the next day but one and we found her in the room
where I had first beheld her and it is needless to add that there was no change
in Satis House
She was even more dreadfully fond of Estella than she had been when I last
saw them together I repeat the word advisedly for there was something
positively dreadful in the energy of her looks and embraces She hung upon
Estellas beauty hung upon her words hung upon her gestures and sat mumbling
her own trembling fingers while she looked at her as though she were devouring
the beautiful creature she had reared
From Estella she looked at me with a searching glance that seemed to pry
into my heart and probe its wounds »How does she use you Pip how does she use
you« she asked me again with her witchlike eagerness even in Estellas
hearing But when we sat by her flickering fire at night she was most weird
for then keeping Estellas hand drawn through her arm and clutched in her own
hand she extorted from her by dint of referring back to what Estella had told
her in her regular letters the names and conditions of the men whom she had
fascinated and as Miss Havisham dwelt upon this roll with the intensity of a
mind mortally hurt and diseased she sat with her other hand on her crutch
stick and her chin on that and her wan bright eyes glaring at me a very
spectre
I saw in this wretched though it made me and bitter the sense of
dependence even of degradation that it awakened I saw in this that Estella
was set to wreak Miss Havishams revenge on men and that she was not to be
given to me until she had gratified it for a term I saw in this a reason for
her being beforehand assigned to me Sending her out to attract and torment and
do mischief Miss Havisham sent her with the malicious assurance that she was
beyond the reach of all admirers and that all who staked upon that cast were
secured to lose I saw in this that I too was tormented by a perversion of
ingenuity even while the prize was reserved for me I saw in this the reason
for my being staved off so long and the reason for my late guardians declining
to commit himself to the formal knowledge of such a scheme In a word I saw in
this Miss Havisham as I had her then and there before my eyes and always had
had her before my eyes and I saw in this the distinct shadow of the darkened
and unhealthy house in which her life was hidden from the sun
The candles that lighted that room of hers were placed in sconces on the
wall They were high from the ground and they burnt with the steady dulness of
artificial light in air that is seldom renewed As I looked round at them and
at the pale gloom they made and at the stopped clock and at the withered
articles of bridal dress upon the table and the ground and at her own awful
figure with its ghostly reflection thrown large by the fire upon the ceiling and
the wall I saw in everything the construction that my mind had come to
repeated and thrown back to me My thoughts passed into the great room across
the landing where the table was spread and I saw it written as it were in the
falls of the cobwebs from the centrepiece in the crawlings of the spiders on
the cloth in the tracks of the mice as they betook their little quickened
hearts behind the panels and in the gropings and pausings of the beetles on the
floor
It happened on the occasion of this visit that some sharp words arose
between Estella and Miss Havisham It was the first time I had ever seen them
opposed
We were seated by the fire as just now described and Miss Havisham still
had Estellas arm drawn through her own and still clutched Estellas hand in
hers when Estella gradually began to detach herself She had shown a proud
impatience more than once before and had rather endured that fierce affection
than accepted or returned it
»What« said Miss Havisham flashing her eyes upon her »are you tired of
me«
»Only a little tired of myself« replied Estella disengaging her arm and
moving to the great chimneypiece where she stood looking down at the fire
»Speak the truth you ingrate« cried Miss Havisham passionately striking
her stick upon the floor »you are tired of me«
Estella looked at her with perfect composure and again looked down at the
fire Her graceful figure and her beautiful face expressed a selfpossessed
indifference to the wild heat of the other that was almost cruel
»You stock and stone« exclaimed Miss Havisham »You cold cold heart«
»What« said Estella preserving her attitude of indifference as she leaned
against the great chimneypiece and only moving her eyes »do you reproach me
for being cold You«
»Are you not« was the fierce retort
»You should know« said Estella »I am what you have made me Take all the
praise take all the blame take all the success take all the failure in
short take me«
»O look at her look at her« cried Miss Havisham bitterly »Look at her
so hard and thankless on the hearth where she was reared Where I took her into
this wretched breast when it was first bleeding from its stabs and where I have
lavished years of tenderness upon her«
»At least I was no party to the compact« said Estella »for if I could walk
and speak when it was made it was as much as I could do But what would you
have You have been very good to me and I owe everything to you What would you
have«
»Love« replied the other
»You have it«
»I have not« said Miss Havisham
»Mother by adoption« retorted Estella never departing from the easy grace
of her attitude never raising her voice as the other did never yielding either
to anger or tenderness »Mother by adoption I have said that I owe everything
to you All I possess is freely yours All that you have given me is at your
command to have again Beyond that I have nothing And if you ask me to give
you what you never gave me my gratitude and duty cannot do impossibilities«
»Did I never give her love« cried Miss Havisham turning wildly to me »Did
I never give her a burning love inseparable from jealousy at all times and
from sharp pain while she speaks thus to me Let her call me mad let her call
me mad«
»Why should I call you mad« returned Estella »I of all people Does any
one live who knows what set purposes you have half as well as I do Does any
one live who knows what a steady memory you have half as well as I do I who
have sat on this same hearth on the little stool that is even now beside you
there learning your lessons and looking up into your face when your face was
strange and frightened me«
»Soon forgotten« moaned Miss Havisham »Times soon forgotten«
»No not forgotten« retorted Estella »Not forgotten but treasured up in
my memory When have you found me false to your teaching When have you found me
unmindful of your lessons When have you found me giving admission here« she
touched her bosom with her hand »to anything that you excluded Be just to me«
»So proud so proud« moaned Miss Havisham pushing away her grey hair with
both her hands
»Who taught me to be proud« returned Estella »Who praised me when I learnt
my lesson«
»So hard so hard« moaned Miss Havisham with her former action
»Who taught me to be hard« returned Estella »Who praised me when I learnt
my lesson«
»But to be proud and hard to me« Miss Havisham quite shrieked as she
stretched out her arms »Estella Estella Estella to be proud and hard to me«
Estella looked at her for a moment with a kind of calm wonder but was not
otherwise disturbed when the moment was passed she looked down at the fire
again
»I cannot think« said Estella raising her eyes after a silence »why you
should be so unreasonable when I come to see you after a separation I have
never forgotten your wrongs and their causes I have never been unfaithful to
you or your schooling I have never shown any weakness that I can charge myself
with«
»Would it be weakness to return my love« exclaimed Miss Havisham »But yes
yes she would call it so«
»I begin to think« said Estella in a musing way after another moment of
calm wonder »that I almost understand how this comes about If you had brought
up your adopted daughter wholly in the dark confinement of these rooms and had
never let her know that there was such a thing as the daylight by which she has
never once seen your face if you had done that and then for a purpose had
wanted her to understand the daylight and know all about it you would have been
disappointed and angry«
Miss Havisham with her head in her hands sat making a low moaning and
swaying herself on her chair but gave no answer
»Or« said Estella » which is a nearer case if you had taught her from
the dawn of her intelligence with your utmost energy and might that there was
such a thing as daylight but that it was made to be her enemy and destroyer
and she must always turn against it for it had blighted you and would else
blight her if you had done this and then for a purpose had wanted her to
take naturally to the daylight and she could not do it you would have been
disappointed and angry«
Miss Havisham sat listening or it seemed so for I could not see her face
but still made no answer
»So« said Estella »I must be taken as I have been made The success is not
mine the failure is not mine but the two together make me«
Miss Havisham had settled down I hardly knew how upon the floor among the
faded bridal relics with which it was strewn I took advantage of the moment I
had sought one from the first to leave the room after beseeching Estellas
attention to her with a movement of my hand When I left Estella was yet
standing by the great chimneypiece just as she had stood throughout Miss
Havishams grey hair was all adrift upon the ground among the other bridal
wrecks and was a miserable sight to see
It was with a depressed heart that I walked in the starlight for an hour and
more about the courtyard and about the brewery and about the ruined garden
When I at last took courage to return to the room I found Estella sitting at
Miss Havishams knee taking up some stitches in one of those old articles of
dress that were dropping to pieces and of which I have often been reminded
since by the faded tatters of old banners that I have seen hanging up in
cathedrals Afterwards Estella and I played at cards as of yore only we were
skilful now and played French games and so the evening wore away and I went
to bed
I lay in that separate building across the courtyard It was the first time
I had ever lain down to rest in Satis House and sleep refused to come near me
A thousand Miss Havishams haunted me She was on this side of my pillow on
that at the head of the bed at the foot behind the halfopened door of the
dressingroom in the dressingroom in the room overhead in the room beneath
everywhere At last when the night was slow to creep on towards two oclock I
felt that I absolutely could no longer bear the place as a place to lie down in
and that I must get up I therefore got up and put on my clothes and went out
across the yard into the long stone passage designing to gain the outer
courtyard and walk there for the relief of my mind But I was no sooner in the
passage than I extinguished my candle for I saw Miss Havisham going along it
in a ghostly manner making a low cry I followed her at a distance and saw her
go up the staircase She carried a bare candle in her hand which she had
probably taken from one of the sconces in her own room and was a most unearthly
object by its light Standing at the bottom of the staircase I felt the
mildewed air of the feastchamber without seeing her open the door and I heard
her walking there and so across into her own room and so across again into
that never ceasing the low cry After a time I tried in the dark both to get
out and to go back but I could do neither until some streaks of day strayed in
and showed me where to lay my hands During the whole interval whenever I went
to the bottom of the staircase I heard her footstep saw her candle pass above
and heard her ceaseless low cry
Before we left next day there was no revival of the difference between her
and Estella nor was it ever revived on any similar occasion and there were
four similar occasions to the best of my remembrance Nor did Miss Havishams
manner towards Estella in anywise change except that I believed it to have
something like fear infused among its former characteristics
It is impossible to turn this leaf of my life without putting Bentley
Drummles name upon it or I would very gladly
On a certain occasion when the Finches were assembled in force and when
good feeling was being promoted in the usual manner by nobodys agreeing with
anybody else the presiding Finch called the Grove to order forasmuch as Mr
Drummle had not yet toasted a lady which according to the solemn constitution
of the society it was the brutes turn to do that day I thought I saw him leer
in an ugly way at me while the decanters were going round but as there was no
love lost between us that might easily be What was my indignant surprise when
he called upon the company to pledge him to »Estella«
»Estella who« said I
»Never you mind« retorted Drummle
»Estella of where« said I »You are bound to say of where« Which he was
as a Finch
»Of Richmond gentlemen« said Drummle putting me out of the question »and
a peerless beauty«
Much he knew about peerless beauties a mean miserable idiot I whispered
Herbert
»I know that lady« said Herbert across the table when the toast had been
honoured
»Do you« said Drummle
»And so do I« I added with a scarlet face
»Do you« said Drummle »Oh Lord«
This was the only retort except glass or crockery that the heavy
creature was capable of making but I became as highly incensed by it as if it
had been barbed with it and I immediately rose in my place and said that I
could not but regard it as being like the honourable Finchs impudence to come
down to that Grove we always talked about coming down to that Grove as a neat
Parliamentary turn of expression down to that Grove proposing a lady of whom
he knew nothing Mr Drummle upon this starting up demanded what I meant by
that Whereupon I made him the extreme reply that I believed he knew where I
was to be found
Whether it was possible in a Christian country to get on without blood
after this was a question on which the Finches were divided The debate upon it
grew so lively indeed that at least six more honourable members told six more
during the discussion that they believed they knew where they were to be found
However it was decided at last the Grove being a Court of Honour that if Mr
Drummle would bring never so slight a certificate from the lady importing that
he had the honour of her acquaintance Mr Pip must express his regret as a
gentleman and a Finch for having been betrayed into a warmth which Next day
was appointed for the production lest our honour should take cold from delay
and next day Drummle appeared with a polite little avowal in Estellas hand
that she had had the honour of dancing with him several times This left me no
course but to regret that I had been betrayed into a warmth which and on the
whole to repudiate as untenable the idea that I was to be found anywhere
Drummle and I then sat snorting at one another for an hour while the Grove
engaged in indiscriminate contradiction and finally the promotion of good
feeling was declared to have gone ahead at an amazing rate
I tell this lightly but it was no light thing to me For I cannot
adequately express what pain it gave me to think that Estella should show any
favour to a contemptible clumsy sulky booby so very far below the average To
the present moment I believe it to have been referable to some pure fire of
generosity and disinterestedness in my love for her that I could not endure the
thought of her stooping to that hound No doubt I should have been miserable
whomsoever she had favoured but a worthier object would have caused me a
different kind and degree of distress
It was easy for me to find out and I did soon find out that Drummle had
begun to follow her closely and that she allowed him to do it A little while
and he was always in pursuit of her and he and I crossed one another every day
He held on in a dull persistent way and Estella held him on now with
encouragement now with discouragement now almost flattering him now openly
despising him now knowing him very well now scarcely remembering who he was
The Spider as Mr Jaggers had called him was used to lying in wait
however and had the patience of his tribe Added to that he had a blockhead
confidence in his money and in his family greatness which sometimes did him
good service almost taking the place of concentration and determined purpose
So the Spider doggedly watching Estella outwatched many brighter insects and
would often uncoil himself and drop at the right nick of time
At a certain Assembly Ball at Richmond there used to be Assembly Balls at
most places then where Estella had outshone all other beauties this
blundering Drummle so hung about her and with so much toleration on her part
that I resolved to speak to her concerning him I took the next opportunity
which was when she was waiting for Mrs Brandley to take her home and was
sitting apart among some flowers ready to go I was with her for I almost
always accompanied them to and from such places
»Are you tired Estella«
»Rather Pip«
»You should be«
»Say rather I should not be for I have my letter to Satis House to write
before I go to sleep«
»Recounting tonights triumph« said I »Surely a very poor one Estella«
»What do you mean I didnt know there had been any«
»Estella« said I »do look at that fellow in the corner yonder who is
looking over here at us«
»Why should I look at him« returned Estella with her eyes on me instead
»What is there in that fellow in the corner yonder to use your words that I
need look at«
»Indeed that is the very question I want to ask you« said I »For he has
been hovering about you all night«
»Moths and all sorts of ugly creatures« replied Estella with a glance
towards him »hover about a lighted candle Can the candle help it«
»No« I returned »but cannot the Estella help it«
»Well« said she laughing after a moment »perhaps Yes Anything you
like«
»But Estella do hear me speak It makes me wretched that you should
encourage a man so generally despised as Drummle You know he is despised«
»Well« said she
»You know he is as ungainly within as without A deficient illtempered
lowering stupid fellow«
»Well« said she
»You know he has nothing to recommend him but money and a ridiculous roll
of addleheaded predecessors now dont you«
»Well« said she again and each time she said it she opened her lovely
eyes the wider
To overcome the difficulty of getting past that monosyllable I took it from
her and said repeating it with emphasis »Well Then that is why it makes me
wretched«
Now if I could have believed that she favoured Drummle with any idea of
making me me wretched I should have been in better heart about it but in
that habitual way of hers she put me so entirely out of the question that I
could believe nothing of the kind
»Pip« said Estella casting her glance over the room »dont be foolish
about its effect on you It may have its effect on others and may be meant to
have Its not worth discussing«
»Yes it is« said I »because I cannot bear that people should say she
throws away her graces and attractions on a mere boor the lowest in the crowd
«
»I can bear it« said Estella
»Oh dont be so proud Estella and so inflexible«
»Calls me proud and inflexible in this breath« said Estella opening her
hands »And in his last breath reproached me for stooping to a boor«
»There is no doubt you do« said I something hurriedly »for I have seen
you give him looks and smiles this very night such as you never give to me«
»Do you want me then« said Estella turning suddenly with a fixed and
serious if not angry look »to deceive and entrap you«
»Do you deceive and entrap him Estella«
»Yes and many others all of them but you Here is Mrs Brandley Ill say
no more«
And now that I have given the one chapter to the theme that so filled my heart
and so often made it ache and ache again I pass on unhindered to the event
that had impended over me longer yet the event that had begun to be prepared
for before I knew that the world held Estella and in the days when her baby
intelligence was receiving its first distortions from Miss Havishams wasting
hands
In the Eastern story the heavy slab that was to fall on the bed of state in
the flush of conquest was slowly wrought out of the quarry the tunnel for the
rope to hold it in its place was slowly carried through the leagues of rock the
slab was slowly raised and fitted in the roof the rope was rove to it and
slowly taken through the miles of hollow to the great iron ring All being made
ready with much labour and the hour come the sultan was aroused in the dead of
the night and the sharpened axe that was to sever the rope from the great iron
ring was put into his hand and he struck with it and the rope parted and
rushed away and the ceiling fell So in my case all the work near and afar
that tended to the end had been accomplished and in an instant the blow was
struck and the roof of my stronghold dropped upon me
Chapter XXXIX
I was threeandtwenty years of age Not another word had I heard to enlighten
me on the subject of my expectations and my twentythird birthday was a week
gone We had left Barnards Inn more than a year and lived in the Temple Our
chambers were in Gardencourt down by the river
Mr Pocket and I had for some time parted company as to our original
relations though we continued on the best terms Notwithstanding my inability
to settle to anything which I hope arose out of the restless and incomplete
tenure on which I held my means I had a taste for reading and read regularly
so many hours a day That matter of Herberts was still progressing and
everything with me was as I have brought it down to the close of the last
preceding chapter
Business had taken Herbert on a journey to Marseilles I was alone and had
a dull sense of being alone Dispirited and anxious long hoping that tomorrow
or next week would clear my way and long disappointed I sadly missed the
cheerful face and ready response of my friend
It was wretched weather stormy and wet stormy and wet mud mud mud deep
in all the streets Day after day a vast heavy veil had been driving over
London from the East and it drove still as if in the East there were an
eternity of cloud and wind So furious had been the gusts that high buildings
in town had had the lead stripped off their roofs and in the country trees had
been torn up and sails of windmills carried away and gloomy accounts had come
in from the coast of shipwreck and death Violent blasts of rain had
accompanied these rages of wind and the day just closed as I sat down to read
had been the worst of all
Alterations have been made in that part of the Temple since that time and
it has not now so lonely a character as it had then nor is it so exposed to the
river We lived at the top of the last house and the wind rushing up the river
shook the house that night like discharges of cannon or breakings of a sea
When the rain came with it and dashed against the windows I thought raising my
eyes to them as they rocked that I might have fancied myself in a stormbeaten
lighthouse Occasionally the smoke came rolling down the chimney as though it
could not bear to go out into such a night and when I set the doors open and
looked down the staircase the staircase lamps were blown out and when I shaded
my face with my hands and looked through the black windows opening them ever so
little was out of the question in the teeth of such wind and rain I saw that
the lamps in the court were blown out and that the lamps on the bridges and the
shore were shuddering and that the coal fires in barges on the river were being
carried away before the wind like redhot splashes in the rain
I read with my watch upon the table purposing to close my book at eleven
oclock As I shut it Saint Pauls and all the many churchclocks in the City
some leading some accompanying some following struck that hour The sound
was curiously flawed by the wind and I was listening and thinking how the wind
assailed and tore it when I heard a footstep on the stair
What nervous folly made me start and awfully connect it with the footstep
of my dead sister matters not It was past in a moment and I listened again
and heard the footstep stumble in coming on Remembering then that the
staircase lights were blown out I took up my readinglamp and went out to the
stairhead Whoever was below had stopped on seeing my lamp for all was quiet
»There is some one down there is there not« I called out looking down
»Yes« said a voice from the darkness beneath
»What floor do you want«
»The top Mr Pip«
»That is my name There is nothing the matter«
»Nothing the matter« returned the voice And the man came on
I stood with my lamp held out over the stairrail and he came slowly within
its light It was a shaded lamp to shine upon a book and its circle of light
was very contracted so that he was in it for a mere instant and then out of
it In the instant I had seen a face that was strange to me looking up with an
incomprehensible air of being touched and pleased by the sight of me
Moving the lamp as the man moved I made out that he was substantially
dressed but roughly like a voyager by sea That he had long irongrey hair
That his age was about sixty That he was a muscular man strong on his legs
and that he was browned and hardened by exposure to weather As he ascended the
last stair or two and the light of my lamp included us both I saw with a
stupid kind of amazement that he was holding out both his hands to me
»Pray what is your business« I asked him
»My business« he repeated pausing »Ah Yes I will explain my business
by your leave«
»Do you wish to come in«
»Yes« he replied »I wish to come in Master«
I had asked him the question inhospitably enough for I resented the sort of
bright and gratified recognition that still shone in his face I resented it
because it seemed to imply that he expected me to respond to it But I took him
into the room I had just left and having set the lamp on the table asked him
as civilly as I could to explain himself
He looked about him with the strangest air an air of wondering pleasure
as if he had some part in the things he admired and he pulled off a rough
outer coat and his hat Then I saw that his head was furrowed and bald and
that the long irongrey hair grew only on its sides But I saw nothing that in
the least explained him On the contrary I saw him next moment once more
holding out both his hands to me
»What do you mean« said I half suspecting him to be mad
He stopped in his looking at me and slowly rubbed his right hand over his
head »Its disappointing to a man« he said in a coarse broken voice »arter
having looked forard so distant and come so fur but youre not to blame for
that neither on us is to blame for that Ill speak in half a minute Give me
half a minute please«
He sat down on a chair that stood before the fire and covered his forehead
with his large brown veinous hands I looked at him attentively then and
recoiled a little from him but I did not know him
»Theres no one nigh« said he looking over his shoulder »is there«
»Why do you a stranger coming into my rooms at this time of the night ask
that question« said I
»Youre a game one« he returned shaking his head at me with a deliberate
affection at once most unintelligible and most exasperating »Im glad youve
growd up a game one But dont catch hold of me Youd be sorry arterwards to
have done it«
I relinquished the intention he had detected for I knew him Even yet I
could not recall a single feature but I knew him If the wind and the rain had
driven away the intervening years had scattered all the intervening objects
had swept us to the churchyard where we first stood face to face on such
different levels I could not have known my convict more distinctly than I knew
him now as he sat in the chair before the fire No need to take a file from his
pocket and show it to me no need to take the handkerchief from his neck and
twist it round his head no need to hug himself with both his arms and take a
shivering turn across the room looking back at me for recognition I knew him
before he gave me one of those aids though a moment before I had not been
conscious of remotely suspecting his identity
He came back to where I stood and again held out both his hands Not
knowing what to do for in my astonishment I had lost my selfpossession I
reluctantly gave him my hands He grasped them heartily raised them to his
lips kissed them and still held them
»You acted nobly my boy« said he »Noble Pip And I have never forgot it«
At a change in his manner as if he were even going to embrace me I laid a
hand upon his breast and put him away
»Stay« said I »Keep off If you are grateful to me for what I did when I
was a little child I hope you have shown your gratitude by mending your way of
life If you have come here to thank me it was not necessary Still however
you have found me out there must be something good in the feeling that has
brought you here and I will not repulse you but surely you must understand I
«
My attention was so attracted by the singularity of his fixed look at me
that the words died away on my tongue
»You was a saying« he observed when we had confronted one another in
silence »that surely I must understand What surely must I understand«
»That I cannot wish to renew that chance intercourse with you of long ago
under these different circumstances I am glad to believe you have repented and
recovered yourself I am glad to tell you so I am glad that thinking I deserve
to be thanked you have come to thank me But our ways are different ways none
the less You are wet and you look weary Will you drink something before you
go«
He had replaced his neckerchief loosely and had stood keenly observant of
me biting a long end of it »I think« he answered still with the end at his
mouth and still observant of me »that I will drink I thank you afore I go«
There was a tray ready on a sidetable I brought it to the table near the
fire and asked him what he would have He touched one of the bottles without
looking at it or speaking and I made him some hot rumandwater I tried to
keep my hand steady while I did so but his look at me as he leaned back in his
chair with the long draggled end of his neckerchief between his teeth
evidently forgotten made my hand very difficult to master When at last I put
the glass to him I saw with amazement that his eyes were full of tears
Up to this time I had remained standing not to disguise that I wished him
gone But I was softened by the softened aspect of the man and felt a touch of
reproach »I hope« said I hurriedly putting something into a glass for myself
and drawing a chair to the table »that you will not think I spoke harshly to
you just now I had no intention of doing it and I am sorry for it if I did I
wish you well and happy«
As I put my glass to my lips he glanced with surprise at the end of his
neckerchief dropping from his mouth when he opened it and stretched out his
hand I gave him mine and then he drank and drew his sleeve across his eyes
and forehead
»How are you living« I asked him
»Ive been a sheepfarmer stockbreeder other trades besides away in the
new world« said he »many a thousand mile of stormy water off from this«
»I hope you have done well«
»Ive done wonderful well Theres others went out alonger me as has done
well too but no man has done nigh as well as me Im famous for it«
»I am glad to hear it«
»I hope to hear you say so my dear boy«
Without stopping to try to understand those words or the tone in which they
were spoken I turned off to a point that had just come into my mind
»Have you ever seen a messenger you once sent to me« I inquired »since he
undertook that trust«
»Never set eyes upon him I warnt likely to it«
»He came faithfully and he brought me the two onepound notes I was a poor
boy then as you know and to a poor boy they were a little fortune But like
you I have done well since and you must let me pay them back You can put them
to some other poor boys use« I took out my purse
He watched me as I laid my purse upon the table and opened it and he
watched me as I separated two onepound notes from its contents They were clean
and new and I spread them out and handed them over to him Still watching me
he laid them one upon the other folded them longwise gave them a twist set
fire to them at the lamp and dropped the ashes into the tray
»May I make so bold« he said then with a smile that was like a frown and
with a frown that was like a smile »as ask you how you have done well since
you and me was out on them lone shivering marshes«
»How«
»Ah«
He emptied his glass got up and stood at the side of the fire with his
heavy brown hand on the mantelshelf He put a foot up to the bars to dry and
warm it and the wet boot began to steam but he neither looked at it nor at
the fire but steadily looked at me It was only now that I began to tremble
When my lips had parted and had shaped some words that were without sound
I forced myself to tell him though I could not do it distinctly that I had
been chosen to succeed to some property
»Might a mere warmint ask what property« said he
I faltered »I dont know«
»Might a mere warmint ask whose property« said he
I faltered again »I dont know«
»Could I make a guess I wonder« said the Convict »at your income since
you come of age As to the first figure now Five«
With my heart beating like a heavy hammer of disordered action I rose out
of my chair and stood with my hand upon the back of it looking wildly at him
»Concerning a guardian« he went on »There ought to have been some guardian
or suchlike whiles you was a minor Some lawyer maybe As to the first letter
of that lawyers name now Would it be J«
All the truth of my position came flashing on me and its disappointments
dangers disgraces consequences of all kinds rushed in in such a multitude
that I was borne down by them and had to struggle for every breath I drew »Put
it« he resumed »as the employer of that lawyer whose name begun with a J and
might be Jaggers put it as he had come over sea to Portsmouth and had landed
there and had wanted to come on to you However you have found me out you
says just now Well however did I find you out Why I wrote from Portsmouth to
a person in London for particulars of your address That persons name Why
Wemmick«
I could not have spoken one word though it had been to save my life I
stood with a hand on the chairback and a hand on my breast where I seemed to
be suffocating I stood so looking wildly at him until I grasped at the
chair when the room began to surge and turn He caught me drew me to the sofa
put me up against the cushions and bent on one knee before me bringing the
face that I now well remembered and that I shuddered at very near to mine
»Yes Pip dear boy Ive made a gentleman on you Its me wot has done it
I swore that time sure as ever I earned a guinea that guinea should go to you
I swore arterwards sure as ever I speclated and got rich you should get rich
I lived rough that you should live smooth I worked hard that you should be
above work What odds dear boy Do I tell it fur you to feel a obligation Not
a bit I tell it fur you to know as that there hunted dunghill dog wot you kep
life in got his head so high that he could make a gentleman and Pip youre
him«
The abhorrence in which I held the man the dread I had of him the
repugnance with which I shrank from him could not have been exceeded if he had
been some terrible beast
»Lookee here Pip Im your second father Youre my son more to me nor
any son Ive put away money only for you to spend When I was a hiredout
shepherd in a solitary hut not seeing no faces but faces of sheep till I half
forgot wot mens and womens faces wos like I see yourn I drops my knife many
a time in that hut when I was a eating my dinner or my supper and I says
Heres the boy again a looking at me whiles I eats and drinks I see you there
a many times as plain as ever I see you on them misty marshes Lord strike me
dead I says each time and I goes out in the open air to say it under the open
heavens but wot if I gets liberty and money Ill make that boy a gentleman
And I done it Why look at you dear boy Look at these here lodgings of yourn
fit for a lord A lord Ah You shall show money with lords for wagers and beat
em«
In his heat and triumph and in his knowledge that I had been nearly
fainting he did not remark on my reception of all this It was the one grain of
relief I had
»Lookee here« he went on taking my watch out of my pocket and turning
towards him a ring on my finger while I recoiled from his touch as if he had
been a snake »a gold un and a beauty thats a gentlemans I hope A diamond
all set round with rubies thats a gentlemans I hope Look at your linen
fine and beautiful Look at your clothes better aint to be got And your books
too« turning his eyes round the room »mounting up on their shelves by
hundreds And you read em dont you I see youd been a reading of em when I
come in Ha ha ha You shall read em to me dear boy And if theyre in
foreign languages wot I dont understand I shall be just as proud as if I did«
Again he took both my hands and put them to his lips while my blood ran
cold within me
»Dont you mind talking Pip« said he after again drawing his sleeve over
his eyes and forehead as the click came in his throat which I well remembered
and he was all the more horrible to me that he was so much in earnest »you
cant do better nor keep quiet dear boy You aint looked slowly forward to
this as I have you wosnt prepared for this as I wos But didnt you never
think it might be me«
»O no no no« I returned »Never never«
»Well you see it wos me and singlehanded Never a soul in it but my own
self and Mr Jaggers«
»Was there no one else« I asked
»No« said he with a glance of surprise »who else should there be And
dear boy how goodlooking you have growed Theres bright eyes somewheres eh
Isnt there bright eyes somewheres wot you love the thoughts on«
O Estella Estella
»They shall be yourn dear boy if money can buy em Not that a gentleman
like you so well set up as you cant win em off of his own game but money
shall back you Let me finish wot I was a telling you dear boy From that there
hut and that there hiringout I got money left me by my master which died and
had been the same as me and got my liberty and went for myself In every
single thing I went for I went for you Lord strike a blight upon it I says
wotever it was I went for if it aint for him It all prospered wonderful As I
giv you to understand just now Im famous for it It was the money left me
and the gains of the first few year wot I sent home to Mr Jaggers all for
you when he first come arter you agreeable to my letter«
O that he had never come That he had left me at the forge far from
contented yet by comparison happy
»And then dear boy it was a recompense to me lookee here to know in
secret that I was making a gentleman The blood horses of them colonists might
fling up the dust over me as I was walking what do I say I says to myself Im
making a better gentleman nor ever youll be When one of em says to one
another He was a convict a few years ago and is a ignorant common fellow now
for all hes lucky what do I say I says to myself If I aint a gentleman nor
yet aint got no learning Im the owner of such All on you owns stock and
land which on you owns a broughtup London gentleman This way I kep myself a
going And this way I held steady afore my mind that I would for certain come
one day and see my boy and make myself known to him on his own ground«
He laid his hand on my shoulder I shuddered at the thought that for
anything I knew his hand might be stained with blood
»It warnt easy Pip for me to leave them parts nor yet it warnt safe
But I held to it and the harder it was the stronger I held for I was
determined and my mind firm made up At last I done it Dear boy I done it«
I tried to collect my thoughts but I was stunned Throughout I had seemed
to myself to attend more to the wind and the rain than to him even now I could
not separate his voice from those voices though those were loud and his was
silent
»Where will you put me« he asked presently »I must be put somewheres
dear boy«
»To sleep« said I
»Yes And to sleep long and sound« he answered »for Ive been seatossed
and seawashed months and months«
»My friend and companion« said I rising from the sofa »is absent you
must have his room«
»He wont come back tomorrow will he«
»No« said I answering almost mechanically in spite of my utmost efforts
»not tomorrow«
»Because lookee here dear boy« he said dropping his voice and laying a
long finger on my breast is an impressive manner »caution is necessary«
»How do you mean Caution«
»By G its Death«
»Whats death«
»I was sent for life Its death to come back Theres been overmuch coming
back of late years and I should of a certainty be hanged if took«
Nothing was needed but this the wretched man after loading me with his
wretched gold and silver chains for years had risked his life to come to me
and I held it there in my keeping If I had loved him instead of abhorring him
if I had been attracted to him by the strongest admiration and affection
instead of shrinking from him with the strongest repugnance it could have been
no worse On the contrary it would have been better for his preservation would
then have naturally and tenderly addressed my heart
My first care was to close the shutters so that no light might be seen from
without and then to close and make fast the doors While I did so he stood at
the table drinking rum and eating biscuit and when I saw him thus engaged I
saw my convict on the marshes at his meal again It almost seemed to me as if he
must stoop down presently to file at his leg
When I had gone into Herberts room and had shut off any other
communication between it and the staircase than through the room in which our
conversation had been held I asked him if he would go to bed He said yes but
asked me for some of my »gentlemans linen« to put on in the morning I brought
it out and laid it ready for him and my blood again ran cold when he again
took me by both hands to give me good night
I got away from him without knowing how I did it and mended the fire in
the room where we had been together and sat down by it afraid to go to bed
For an hour or more I remained too stunned to think and it was not until I
began to think that I began fully to know how wrecked I was and how the ship
in which I had sailed was gone to pieces
Miss Havishams intentions towards me all a mere dream Estella not
designed for me I only suffered in Satis House as a convenience a sting for
the greedy relations a model with a mechanical heart to practise on when no
other practice was at hand those were the first smarts I had But sharpest and
deepest pain of all it was for the convict guilty of I knew not what crimes
and liable to be taken out of those rooms where I sat thinking and hanged at
the Old Bailey door that I had deserted Joe
I would not have gone back to Joe now I would not have gone back to Biddy
now for any consideration simply I suppose because my sense of my own
worthless conduct to them was greater than every consideration No wisdom on
earth could have given me the comfort that I should have derived from their
simplicity and fidelity but I could never never never undo what I had done
In every rage of wind and rush of rain I heard pursuers Twice I could
have sworn there was a knocking and whispering at the outer door With these
fears upon me I began either to imagine or recall that I had had mysterious
warnings of this mans approach That for weeks gone by I had passed faces in
the streets which I had thought like his That these likenesses had grown more
numerous as he coming over the sea had drawn nearer That his wicked spirit
had somehow sent these messengers to mine and that now on this stormy night he
was as good as his word and with me
Crowding up with these reflections came the reflection that I had seen him
with my childish eyes to be a desperately violent man that I had heard that
other convict reiterate that he had tried to murder him that I had seen him
down in the ditch tearing and fighting like a wild beast Out of such
remembrances I brought into the light of the fire a halfformed terror that it
might not be safe to be shut up there with him in the dead of the wild solitary
night This dilated until it filled the room and impelled me to take a candle
and go in and look at my dreadful burden
He had rolled a handkerchief round his head and his face was set and
lowering in his sleep But he was asleep and quietly too though he had a
pistol lying on the pillow Assured of this I softly removed the key to the
outside of his door and turned it on him before I again sat down by the fire
Gradually I slipped from the chair and lay on the floor When I awoke without
having parted in my sleep with the perception of my wretchedness the clocks of
the Eastward churches were striking five the candles were wasted out the fire
was dead and the wind and rain intensified the thick black darkness
This Is the End of the Second Stage of Pips Expectations
Chapter XL
It was fortunate for me that I had to take precautions to insure so far as I
could the safety of my dreaded visitor for this thought pressing on me when I
awoke held other thoughts in a confused concourse at a distance
The impossibility of keeping him concealed in the chambers was selfevident
It could not be done and the attempt to do it would inevitably engender
suspicion True I had no Avenger in my service now but I was looked after by
an inflammatory old female assisted by an animated ragbag whom she called her
niece and to keep a room secret from them would be to invite curiosity and
exaggeration They both had weak eyes which I had long attributed to their
chronically looking in at keyholes and they were always at hand when not
wanted indeed that was their only reliable quality besides larceny Not to get
up a mystery with these people I resolved to announce in the morning that my
uncle had unexpectedly come from the country
This course I decided on while I was yet groping about in the darkness for
the means of getting a light Not stumbling on the means after all I was fain
to go out to the adjacent Lodge and get the watchman there to come with his
lantern Now in groping my way down the black staircase I fell over something
and that something was a man crouching in a corner
As the man made no answer when I asked him what he did there but eluded my
touch in silence I ran to the Lodge and urged the watchman to come quickly
telling him of the incident on the way back The wind being as fierce as ever
we did not care to endanger the light in the lantern by rekindling the
extinguished lamp on the staircase but we examined the staircase from the
bottom to the top and found no one there It then occurred to me as possible
that the man might have slipped into my rooms so lighting my candle at the
watchmans and leaving him standing at the door I examined them carefully
including the room in which my dreaded guest lay asleep All was quiet and
assuredly no other man was in those chambers
It troubled me that there should have been a lurker on the stairs on that
night of all nights in the year and I asked the watchman on the chance of
eliciting some hopeful explanation as I handed him a dram at the door whether
he had admitted at his gate any gentleman who had perceptibly been dining out
Yes he said at different times of the night three One lived in Fountain
Court and the other two lived in the Lane and he had seen them all go home
Again the only other man who dwelt in the house of which my chambers formed a
part had been in the country for some weeks and he certainly had not returned
in the night because we had seen his door with his seal on it as we came
upstairs
»The night being so bad sir« said the watchman as he gave me back my
glass »uncommon few have come in at my gate Besides them three gentlemen that
I have named I dont call to mind another since about eleven oclock when a
stranger asked for you«
»My uncle« I muttered »Yes«
»You saw him sir«
»Yes Oh yes«
»Likewise the person with him«
»Person with him« I repeated
»I judged the person to be with him« returned the watchman »The person
stopped when he stopped to make inquiry of me and the person took this way
when he took this way«
»What sort of person«
The watchman had not particularly noticed he should say a working person
to the best of his belief he had a dustcoloured kind of clothes on under a
dark coat The watchman made more light of the matter than I did and naturally
not having my reason for attaching weight to it
When I had got rid of him which I thought it well to do without prolonging
explanations my mind was much troubled by these two circumstances taken
together Whereas they were easy of innocent solution apart as for instance
some dinerout or dinerathome who had not gone near this watchmans gate
might have strayed to my staircase and dropped asleep there and my nameless
visitor might have brought some one with him to show him the way still
joined they had an ugly look to one as prone to distrust and fear as the
changes of a few hours had made me
I lighted my fire which burnt with a raw pale flare at that time of the
morning and fell into a doze before it I seemed to have been dozing a whole
night when the clocks struck six As there was full an hour and a half between
me and daylight I dozed again now waking up uneasily with prolix
conversations about nothing in my ears now making thunder of the wind in the
chimney at length falling off into a profound sleep from which the daylight
woke me with a start
All this time I had never been able to consider my own situation nor could
I do so yet I had not the power to attend to it I was greatly dejected and
distressed but in an incoherent wholesale sort of way As to forming any plan
for the future I could as soon have formed an elephant When I opened the
shutters and looked out at the wet wild morning all of a leaden hue when I
walked from room to room when I sat down again shivering before the fire
waiting for my laundress to appear I thought how miserable I was but hardly
knew why or how long I had been so or on what day of the week I made the
reflection or even who I was that made it
At last the old woman and the niece came in the latter with a head not
easily distinguishable from her dusty broom and testified surprise at sight of
me and the fire To whom I imparted how my uncle had come in the night and was
then asleep and how the breakfast preparations were to be modified accordingly
Then I washed and dressed while they knocked the furniture about and made a
dust and so in a soft of dream or sleepwalking I found myself sitting by the
fire again waiting for Him to come to breakfast
Byandby his door opened and he came out I could not bring myself to bear
the sight of him and I thought he had a worse look by daylight
»I do not even know« said I speaking low as he took his seat at the table
»by what name to call you I have given out that you are my uncle«
»Thats it dear boy Call me uncle«
»You assumed some name I suppose on board ship«
»Yes dear boy I took the name of Provis«
»Do you mean to keep that name«
»Why yes dear boy its as good as another unless youd like another«
»What is your real name« I asked him in a whisper
»Magwitch« he answered in the same tone »chrisend Abel«
»What were you brought up to be«
»A warmint dear boy«
He answered quite seriously and used the word as if it denoted some
profession
»When you came into the Temple last night « said I pausing to wonder
whether that could really have been last night which seemed so long ago
»Yes dear boy«
»When you came in at the gate and asked the watchman the way here had you
any one with you«
»With me No dear boy«
»But there was some one there«
»I didnt take particular notice« he said dubiously »not knowing the ways
of the place But I think there was a person too come in alonger me«
»Are you known in London«
»I hope not« said he giving his neck a jerk with his forefinger that made
me turn hot and sick
»Were you known in London once«
»Not over and above dear boy I was in the provinces mostly«
»Were you tried in London«
»Which time« said he with a sharp look
»The last time«
He nodded »First knowed Mr Jaggers that way Jaggers was for me«
It was on my lips to ask him what he was tried for but he took up a knife
gave it a flourish and with the words »And what I done is worked out and paid
for« fell to at his breakfast
He ate in a ravenous way that was very disagreeable and all his actions
were uncouth noisy and greedy Some of his teeth had failed him since I saw
him eat on the marshes and as he turned his food in his mouth and turned his
head sideways to bring his strongest fangs to bear upon it he looked terribly
like a hungry old dog
If I had begun with any appetite he would have taken it away and I should
have sat much as I did repelled from him by an insurmountable aversion and
gloomily looking at the cloth
»Im a heavy grubber dear boy« he said as a polite kind of apology when
he had made an end of his meal »but I always was If it had been in my
constitution to be a lighter grubber I might ha got into lighter trouble
Similarly I must have my smoke When I was first hired out as shepherd tother
side the world its my belief I should ha turned into a molloncollymad sheep
myself if I hadnt a had my smoke«
As he said so he got up from table and putting his hand into the breast of
the peacoat he wore brought out a short black pipe and a handful of loose
tobacco of the kind that is called negrohead Having filled his pipe he put
the surplus tobacco back again as if his pocket were a drawer Then he took a
live coal from the fire with the tongs and lighted his pipe at it and then
turned round on the hearthrug with his back to the fire and went through his
favourite action of holding out both his hands for mine
»And this« said he dandling my hands up and down in his as he puffed at
his pipe »and this is the gentleman what I made The real genuine One It does
me good fur to look at you Pip All I stiplate is to stand by and look at
you dear boy«
I released my hands as soon as I could and found that I was beginning
slowly to settle down to the contemplation of my condition What I was chained
to and how heavily became intelligible to me as I heard his hoarse voice and
sat looking up at his furrowed bald head with its irongrey hair at the sides
»I mustnt see my gentleman a footing it in the mire of the streets there
mustnt be no mud on his boots My gentleman must have horses Pip Horses to
ride and horses to drive and horses for his servant to ride and drive as well
Shall colonists have their horses and blooduns if you please good Lord
and not my London gentleman No no Well show em another pair of shoes than
that Pip wont us«
He took out of his pocket a great thick pocketbook bursting with papers
and tossed it on the table
»Theres something worth spending in that there book dear boy Its yourn
All Ive got aint mine its yourn Dont you be afeerd on it Theres more
where that come from Ive come to the old country fur to see my gentleman spend
his money like a gentleman Thatll be my pleasure My pleasure ull be fur to
see him do it And blast you all« he wound up looking round the room and
snapping his fingers once with a loud snap »blast you every one from the judge
in his wig to the colonist a stirring up the dust Ill show a better gentleman
than the whole kit on you put together«
»Stop« said I almost in a frenzy of fear and dislike »I want to speak to
you I want to know what is to be done I want to know how you are to be kept
out of danger how long you are going to stay what projects you have«
»Lookee here Pip« said he laying his hand on my arm in a suddenly
altered and subdued manner »first of all lookee here I forgot myself half a
minute ago What I said was low thats what it was low Lookee here Pip
Look over it I aint a going to be low«
»First« I resumed halfgroaning »what precautions can be taken against
your being recognised and seized«
»No dear boy« he said in the same tone as before »that dont go first
Lowness goes first I aint took so many year to make a gentleman not without
knowing whats due to him Lookee here Pip I was low thats what I was low
Look over it dear boy«
Some sense of the grimlyludicrous moved me to a fretful laugh as I
replied »I have looked over it In Heavens name dont harp upon it«
»Yes but lookee here« he persisted »Dear boy I aint come so fur not
fur to be low Now go on dear boy You was a saying «
»How are you to be guarded from the danger you have incurred«
»Well dear boy the danger aint so great Without I was informed agen the
danger aint so much to signify Theres Jaggers and theres Wemmick and
theres you Who else is there to inform«
»Is there no chance person who might identify you in the street« said I
»Well« he returned »there aint many Nor yet I dont intend to advertise
myself in the newspapers by the name of AM come back from Botany Bay and
years have rolled away and whos to gain by it Still lookee here Pip If
the danger had been fifty times as great I should ha come to see you mind
you just the same«
»And how long do you remain«
»How long« said he taking his black pipe from his mouth and dropping his
jaw as he stared at me »Im not a going back Ive come for good«
»Where are you to live« said I »What is to be done with you Where will
you be safe«
»Dear boy« he returned »theres disguising wigs can be bought for money
and theres hair powder and spectacles and black clothes shorts and what
not Others has done it safe afore and what others has done afore others can
do agen As to the where and how of living dear boy give me your own opinions
on it«
»You take it smoothly now« said I »but you were very serious last night
when you swore it was Death«
»And so I swear it is Death« said he putting his pipe back in his mouth
»and Death by the rope in the open street not fur from this and its serious
that you should fully understand it to be so What then when thats once done
Here I am To go back now ud be as bad as to stand ground worse Besides
Pip Im here because Ive meant it by you years and years As to what I dare
Im a old bird now as has dared all manner of traps since first he was fledged
and Im not afeerd to perch upon a scarecrow If theres Death hid inside of it
there is and let him come out and Ill face him and then Ill believe in him
and not afore And now let me have a look at my gentleman agen«
Once more he took me by both hands and surveyed me with an air of admiring
proprietorship smoking with great complacency all the while
It appeared to me that I could do no better than secure him some quiet
lodging hard by of which he might take possession when Herbert returned whom I
expected in two or three days That the secret must be confided to Herbert as a
matter of unavoidable necessity even if I could have put the immense relief I
should derive from sharing it with him out of the question was plain to me But
it was by no means so plain to Mr Provis I resolved to call him by that name
who reserved his consent to Herberts participation until he should have seen
him and formed a favourable judgment of his physiognomy »And even then dear
boy« said he pulling a greasy little clasped black Testament out of his
pocket »well have him on his oath«
To state that my terrible patron carried this little black book about the
world solely to swear people on in cases of emergency would be to state what I
never quite established but this I can say that I never knew him put it to
any other use The book itself had the appearance of having been stolen from
some court of justice and perhaps his knowledge of its antecedents combined
with his own experience in that wise gave him a reliance on its powers as a
sort of legal spell or charm On this first occasion of his producing it I
recalled how he had made me swear fidelity in the churchyard long ago and how
he had described himself last night as always swearing to his resolutions in his
solitude
As he was at present dressed in a seafaring slop suit in which he looked as
if he had some parrots and cigars to dispose of I next discussed with him what
dress he should wear He cherished an extraordinary belief in the virtues of
shorts as a disguise and had in his own mind sketched a dress for himself that
would have made him something between a dean and a dentist It was with
considerable difficulty that I won him over to the assumption of a dress more
like a prosperous farmers and we arranged that he should cut his hair close
and wear a little powder Lastly as he had not yet been seen by the laundress
or her niece he was to keep himself out of their view until his change of dress
was made
It would seem a simple matter to decide on these precautions but in my
dazed not to say distracted state it took so long that I did not get out to
further them until two or three in the afternoon He was to remain shut up in
the chambers while I was gone and was on no account to open the door
There being to my knowledge a respectable lodginghouse in Essexstreet the
back of which looked into the Temple and was almost within hail of my windows
I first of all repaired to that house and was so fortunate as to secure the
second floor for my uncle Mr Provis I then went from shop to shop making
such purchases as were necessary to the change in his appearance This business
transacted I turned my face on my own account to Little Britain Mr Jaggers
was at his desk but seeing me enter got up immediately and stood before his
fire
»Now Pip« said he »be careful«
»I will sir« I returned For coming along I had thought well of what I
was going to say
»Dont commit yourself« said Mr Jaggers »and dont commit any one You
understand any one Dont tell me anything I dont want to know anything I
am not curious«
Of course I saw that he knew the man was come
»I merely want Mr Jaggers« said I »to assure myself what I have been
told is true I have no hope of its being untrue but at least I may verify
it«
Mr Jaggers nodded »But did you say told or informed« he asked me with
his head an one side and not looking at me but looking in a listening way at
the floor »Told would seem to imply verbal communication You cant have verbal
communication with a man in New South Wales you know«
»I will say informed Mr Jaggers«
»Good«
»I have been informed by a person named Abel Magwitch that he is the
benefactor so long unknown to me«
»That is the man« said Mr Jaggers » in New South Wales«
»And only he« said I
»And only he« said Mr Jaggers
»I am not so unreasonable sir as to think you at all responsible for my
mistakes and wrong conclusions but I always supposed it was Miss Havisham«
»As you say Pip« returned Mr Jaggers turning his eyes upon me coolly
and taking a bite at his forefinger »I am not at all responsible for that«
»And yet it looked so like it sir« I pleaded with a downcast heart
»Not a particle of evidence Pip« said Mr Jaggers shaking his head and
gathering up his skirts »Take nothing on its looks take everything on
evidence Theres no better rule«
»I have no more to say« said I with a sigh after standing silent for a
little while »I have verified my information and theres an end«
»And Magwitch in New South Wales having at last disclosed himself« said
Mr Jaggers »you will comprehend Pip how rigidly throughout my communication
with you I have always adhered to the strict line of fact There has never been
the least departure from the strict line of fact You are quite aware of that«
»Quite sir«
»I communicated to Magwitch in New South Wales when he first wrote to me
from New South Wales the caution that he must not expect me ever to deviate
from the strict line of fact I also communicated to him another caution He
appeared to me to have obscurely hinted in his letter at some distant idea of
seeing you in England here I cautioned him that I must hear no more of that
that he was not at all likely to obtain a pardon that he was expatriated for
the term of his natural life and that his presenting himself in this country
would be an act of felony rendering him liable to the extreme penalty of the
law I gave Magwitch that caution« said Mr Jaggers looking hard at me »I
wrote it to New South Wales He guided himself by it no doubt«
»No doubt« said I
»I have been informed by Wemmick« pursued Mr Jaggers still looking hard
at me »that he has received a letter under date Portsmouth from a colonist of
the name of Purvis or «
»Or Provis« I suggested
»Or Provis thank you Pip Perhaps it is Provis Perhaps you know its
Provis«
»Yes« said I
»You know its Provis A letter under date Portsmouth from a colonist of
the name of Provis asking for the particulars of your address on behalf of
Magwitch Wemmick sent him the particulars I understand by return of post
Probably it is through Provis that you have received the explanation of
Magwitch in New South Wales«
»It came through Provis« I replied
»Good day Pip« said Mr Jaggers offering his hand »glad to have seen
you In writing by post to Magwitch in New South Wales or in communicating
with him through Provis have the goodness to mention that the particulars and
vouchers of our long account shall be sent to you together with the balance
for there is still a balance remaining Good day Pip«
We shook hands and he looked hard at me as long as he could see me I
turned at the door and he was still looking hard at me while the two vile
casts on the shelf seemed to be trying to get their eyelids open and to force
out of their swollen throats »O what a man he is«
Wemmick was out and though he had been at his desk he could have done
nothing for me I went straight back to the Temple where I found the terrible
Provis drinking rumandwater and smoking negrohead in safety
Next day the clothes I had ordered all came home and he put them on
Whatever he put on became him less it dismally seemed to me than what he had
worn before To my thinking there was something in him that made it hopeless to
attempt to disguise him The more I dressed him and the better I dressed him
the more he looked like the slouching fugitive on the marshes This effect on my
anxious fancy was partly referable no doubt to his old face and manner growing
more familiar to me but I believed too that he dragged one of his legs as if
there were still a weight of iron on it and that from head to foot there was
Convict in the very grain of the man
The influences of his solitary hutlife were upon him besides and gave him
a savage air that no dress could tame added to these were the influences of his
subsequent branded life among men and crowning all his consciousness that he
was dodging and hiding now In all his ways of sitting and standing and eating
and drinking of brooding about in a highshouldered reluctant style of
taking out his great hornhandled jackknife and wiping it on his legs and
cutting his food of lifting light glasses and cups to his lips as if they
were clumsy pannikins of chopping a wedge off his bread and soaking up with
it the last fragments of gravy round and round his plate as if to make the most
of an allowance and then drying his fingers on it and then swallowing it in
these ways and a thousand other small nameless instances arising every minute in
the day there was Prisoner Felon Bondsman plain as plain could be
It had been his own idea to wear that touch of powder and I conceded the
powder after overcoming the shorts But I can compare the effect of it when on
to nothing but the probable effect of rouge upon the dead so awful was the
manner in which everything in him that it was most desirable to repress started
through that thin layer of pretence and seemed to come blazing out at the crown
of his head It was abandoned as soon as tried and he wore his grizzled hair
cut short
Words cannot tell what a sense I had at the same time of the dreadful
mystery that he was to me When he fell asleep of an evening with his knotted
hands clenching the sides of the easychair and his bald head tattooed with
deep wrinkles falling forward on his breast I would sit and look at him
wondering what he had done and loading him with all the crimes in the Calendar
until the impulse was powerful on me to start up and fly from him Every hour so
increased my abhorrence of him that I even think I might have yielded to this
impulse in the first agonies of being so haunted notwithstanding all he had
done for me and the risk he ran but for the knowledge that Herbert must soon
come back Once I actually did start out of bed in the night and begin to
dress myself in my worst clothes hurriedly intending to leave him there with
everything else I possessed and enlist for India as a private soldier
I doubt if a ghost could have been more terrible to me up in those lonely
rooms in the long evenings and long nights with the wind and the rain always
rushing by A ghost could not have been taken and hanged on my account and the
consideration that he could be and the dread that he would be were no small
addition to my horrors When he was not asleep or playing a complicated kind of
Patience with a ragged pack of cards of his own a game that I never saw before
or since and in which he recorded his winnings by sticking his jackknife into
the table when he was not engaged in either of these pursuits he would ask me
to read to him »Foreign language dear boy« While I complied he not
comprehending a single word would stand before the fire surveying me with the
air of an Exhibitor and I would see him between the fingers of the hand with
which I shaded my face appealing in dumb show to the furniture to take notice
of my proficiency The imaginary student pursued by the misshapen creature he
had impiously made was not more wretched than I pursued by the creature who
had made me and recoiling from him with a stronger repulsion the more he
admired me and the fonder he was of me
This is written of I am sensible as if it had lasted a year It lasted
about five days Expecting Herbert all the time I dared not go out except when
I took Provis for an airing after dark At length one evening when dinner was
over and I had dropped into a slumber quite worn out for my nights had been
agitated and my rest broken by fearful dreams I was roused by the welcome
footstep on the staircase Provis who had been asleep too staggered up at the
noise I made and in an instant I saw his jackknife shining in his hand
»Quiet Its Herbert« I said and Herbert came bursting in with the airy
freshness of six hundred miles of France upon him
»Handel my dear fellow how are you and again how are you and again how
are you I seem to have been gone a twelvemonth Why so I must have been for
you have grown quite thin and pale Handel my Halloa I beg your pardon«
He was stopped in his running on and in his shaking hands with me by seeing
Provis Provis regarding him with a fixed attention was slowly putting up his
jackknife and groping in another pocket for something else
»Herbert my dear friend« said I shutting the double doors while Herbert
stood staring and wondering »something very strange has happened This is a
visitor of mine«
»Its all right dear boy« said Provis coming forward with his little
clasped black book and then addressing himself to Herbert »Take it in your
right hand Lord strike you dead on the spot if ever you split in any way
sumever Kiss it«
»Do so as he wishes it« I said to Herbert So Herbert looking at me with
a friendly uneasiness and amazement complied and Provis immediately shaking
hands with him said »Now youre on your oath you know And never believe me
on mine if Pip shant make a gentleman on you«
Chapter XLI
In vain should I attempt to describe the astonishment and disquiet of Herbert
when he and I and Provis sat down before the fire and I recounted the whole of
the secret Enough that I saw my own feelings reflected in Herberts face and
not least among them my repugnance towards the man who had done so much for me
What would alone have set a division between that man and us if there had
been no other dividing circumstance was his triumph in my story Saving his
troublesome sense of having been low on one occasion since his return on which
point he began to hold forth to Herbert the moment my revelation was finished
he had no perception of the possibility of my finding any fault with my good
fortune His boast that he had made me a gentleman and that he had come to see
me support the character on his ample resources was made for me quite as much
as for himself And that it was a highly agreeable boast to both of us and that
we must both be very proud of it was a conclusion quite established in his own
mind
»Though lookee here Pips comrade« he said to Herbert after having
discoursed for some time »I know very well that once since I come back for
half a minute Ive been low I said to Pip I knowed as I had been low But
dont you fret yourself on that score I aint made Pip a gentleman and Pip
aint agoin to make you a gentleman not fur me not to know whats due to ye
both Dear boy and Pips comrade you two may count upon me always having a
genteel muzzle on Muzzled I have been since that half a minute when I was
betrayed into lowness muzzled I am at the present time muzzled I ever will
be«
Herbert said »Certainly« but looked as if there were no specific
consolation in this and remained perplexed and dismayed We were anxious for
the time when he would go to his lodging and leave us together but he was
evidently jealous of leaving us together and sat late It was midnight before I
took him round to Essexstreet and saw him safely in at his own dark door When
it closed upon him I experienced the first moment of relief I had known since
the night of his arrival
Never quite free from an uneasy remembrance of the man on the stairs I had
always looked about me in taking my guest out after dark and in bringing him
back and I looked about me now Difficult as it is in a large city to avoid the
suspicion of being watched when the mind is conscious of danger in that regard
I could not persuade myself that any of the people within sight cared about my
movements The few who were passing passed on their several ways and the
street was empty when I turned back into the Temple Nobody had come out at the
gate with us nobody went in at the gate with me As I crossed by the fountain
I saw his lighted back windows looking bright and quiet and when I stood for a
few moments in the doorway of the building where I lived before going up the
stairs Gardencourt was as still and lifeless as the staircase was when I
ascended it
Herbert received me with open arms and I had never felt before so
blessedly what it is to have a friend When he had spoken some sound words of
sympathy and encouragement we sat down to consider the question What was to be
done
The chair that Provis had occupied still remaining where it had stood for
he had a barrack way with him of hanging about one spot in one unsettled
manner and going through one round of observances with his pipe and his
negrohead and his jackknife and his pack of cards and what not as if it were
all put down for him on a slate I say his chair remaining where it had stood
Herbert unconsciously took it but next moment started out of it pushed it
away and took another He had no occasion to say after that that he had
conceived an aversion for my patron neither had I occasion to confess my own
We interchanged that confidence without shaping a syllable
»What« said I to Herbert when he was safe in another chair »what is to be
done«
»My poor dear Handel« he replied holding his head »I am too stunned to
think«
»So was I Herbert when the blow first fell Still something must be done
He is intent upon various new expenses horses and carriages and lavish
appearances of all kinds He must be stopped somehow«
»You mean that you cant accept «
»How can I« I interposed as Herbert paused »Think of him Look at him«
An involuntary shudder passed over both of us
»Yet I am afraid the dreadful truth is Herbert that he is attached to me
strongly attached to me Was there ever such a fate«
»My poor dear Handel« Herbert repeated
»Then« said I »after all stopping short here never taking another penny
from him think what I owe him already Then again I am heavily in debt very
heavily for me who have now no expectations and I have been bred to no
calling and I am fit for nothing«
»Well well well« Herbert remonstrated »Dont say fit for nothing«
»What am I fit for I know only one thing that I am fit for and that is to
go for a soldier And I might have gone my dear Herbert but for the prospect
of taking counsel with your friendship and affection«
Of course I broke down there and of course Herbert beyond seizing a warm
grip of my hand pretended not to know it
»Anyhow my dear Handel« said he presently »soldiering wont do If you
were to renounce this patronage and these favours I suppose you would do so
with some faint hope of one day repaying what you have already had Not very
strong that hope if you went soldiering Besides its absurd You would be
infinitely better in Clarrikers house small as it is I am working up towards
a partnership you know«
Poor fellow He little suspected with whose money
»But there is another question« said Herbert »This is an ignorant
determined man who has long had one fixed idea More than that he seems to me
I may misjudge him to be a man of a desperate and fierce character«
»I know he is« I returned »Let me tell you what evidence I have seen of
it« And I told him what I had not mentioned in my narrative of that encounter
with the other convict
»See then« said Herbert »think of this He comes here at the peril of his
life for the realisation of his fixed idea In the moment of realisation after
all his toil and waiting you cut the ground from under his feet destroy his
idea and make his gains worthless to him Do you see nothing that he might do
under the disappointment«
»I have seen it Herbert and dreamed of it ever since the fatal night of
his arrival Nothing has been in my thoughts so distinctly as his putting
himself in the way of being taken«
»Then you may rely upon it« said Herbert »that there would be great danger
of his doing it That is his power over you as long as he remains in England
and that would be his reckless course if you forsook him«
I was so struck by the horror of this idea which had weighed upon me from
the first and the working out of which would make me regard myself in some
sort as his murderer that I could not rest in my chair but began pacing to
and fro I said to Herbert meanwhile that even if Provis were recognised and
taken in spite of himself I should be wretched as the cause however
innocently Yes even though I was so wretched in having him at large and near
me and even though I would far rather have worked at the forge all the days of
my life than I would ever have come to this
But there was no staving off the question What was to be done
»The first and the main thing to be done« said Herbert »is to get him out
of England You will have to go with him and then he may be induced to go«
»But get him where I will could I prevent his coming back«
»My good Handel is it not obvious that with Newgate in the next street
there must be far greater hazard in your breaking your mind to him and making
him reckless here than elsewhere If a pretext to get him away could be made
out of that other convict or out of anything else in his life now«
»There again« said I stopping before Herbert with my open hands held out
as if they contained the desperation of the case »I know nothing of his life
It has almost made me mad to sit here of a night and see him before me so bound
up with my fortunes and misfortunes and yet so unknown to me except as the
miserable wretch who terrified me two days in my childhood«
Herbert got up and linked his arm in mine and we slowly walked to and fro
together studying the carpet
»Handel« said Herbert stopping »you feel convinced that you can take no
further benefits from him do you«
»Fully Surely you would too if you were in my place«
»And you feel convinced that you must break with him«
»Herbert can you ask me«
»And you have and are bound to have that tenderness for the life he has
risked on your account that you must save him if possible from throwing it
away Then you must get him out of England before you stir a finger to extricate
yourself That done extricate yourself in Heavens name and well see it out
together dear old boy«
It was a comfort to shake hands upon it and walk up and down again with
only that done
»Now Herbert« said I »with reference to gaining some knowledge of his
history There is but one way that I know of I must ask him pointblank«
»Yes Ask him« said Herbert »when we sit at breakfast in the morning«
For he had said on taking leave of Herbert that he would come to breakfast
with us
With this project formed we went to bed I had the wildest dreams
concerning him and woke unrefreshed I woke too to recover the fear which I
had lost in the night of his being found out as a returned transport Waking I
never lost that fear
He came round at the appointed time took out his jackknife and sat down
to his meal He was full of plans for his gentlemans coming out strong and
like a gentleman and urged me to begin speedily upon the pocketbook which he
had left in my possession He considered the chambers and his own lodging as
temporary residences and advised me to look out at once for a fashionable crib
near Hyde Park in which he could have a shakedown When he had made an end of
his breakfast and was wiping his knife on his leg I said to him without a
word of preface
»After you were gone last night I told my friend of the struggle that the
soldiers found you engaged in on the marshes when we came up You remember«
»Remember« said he »I think so«
»We want to know something about that man and about you It is strange to
know no more about either and particularly you than I was able to tell last
night Is not this as good a time as another for our knowing more«
»Well« he said after consideration »Youre on your oath you know Pips
comrade«
»Assuredly« replied Herbert
»As to anything I say you know« he insisted »The oath applies to all«
»I understand it to do so«
»And lookee here Wotever I done is worked out and paid for« he insisted
again
»So be it«
He took out his black pipe and was going to fill it with negrohead when
looking at the tangle of tobacco in his hand he seemed to think it might
perplex the thread of his narrative He put it back again stuck his pipe in a
buttonhole of his coat spread a hand on each knee and after turning an angry
eye on the fire for a few silent moments looked around at us and said what
follows
Chapter XLII
»Dear boy and Pips comrade I am not a going fur to tell you my life like a
song or a storybook But to give it you short and handy Ill put it at once
into a mouthful of English In jail and out of jail in jail and out of jail in
jail and out of jail There youve got it Thats my life pretty much down to
such times as I got shipped off arter Pip stood my friend
Ive been done everything to pretty well except hanged Ive been locked
up as much as a silver teakittle Ive been carted here and carted there and
put out of this town and put out of that town and stuck in the stocks and
whipped and worried and drove Ive no more notion where I was born than you
have if so much I first become aware of myself down in Essex a thieving
turnips for my living Summun had run away from me a man a tinker and hed
took the fire with him and left me wery cold
I knowd my name to be Magwitch chrisend Abel How did I know it Much as
I knowd the birds names in the hedges to be chaffinch sparrer thrush I
might have thought it was all lies together only as the birds names come out
true I supposed mine did
So fur as I could find there warnt a soul that see young Abel Magwitch
with as little on him as in him but wot caught fright at him and either drove
him off or took him up I was took up took up took up to that extent that I
reglarly growd up took up
This is the way it was that when I was a ragged little creetur as much to
be pitied as ever I see not that I looked in the glass for there warnt many
insides of furnished houses known to me I got the name of being hardened This
is a terrible hardened one they says to prison wisitors picking out me May be
said to live in jails this boy Then they looked at me and I looked at them
and they measured my head some on em they had better a measured my stomach
and others on em giv me tracts what I couldnt read and made me speeches what
I couldnt unnerstand They always went on agen me about the Devil But what the
devil was I to do I must put something into my stomach mustnt I
Howsomever Im a getting low and I know whats due Dear boy and Pips
comrade dont you be afeerd of me being low
Tramping begging thieving working sometimes when I could though that
warnt as often as you may think till you put the question whether you would
ha been overready to give me work yourselves a bit of a poacher a bit of a
labourer a bit of a waggoner a bit of a haymaker a bit of a hawker a bit of
most things that dont pay and lead to trouble I got to be a man A deserting
soldier in a Travellers Rest what lay hid up to the chin under a lot of
taturs learnt me to read and a travelling Giant what signed his name at a
penny a time learnt me to write I warnt locked up as often now as formerly
but I wore out my good share of keymetal still
At Epsom races a matter of over twenty year ago I got acquainted wi a man
whose skull Id crack wi this poker like the claw of a lobster if Id got it
on this hob His right name was Compeyson and thats the man dear boy what
you see me a pounding in the ditch according to what you truly told your
comrade arter I was gone last night
He set up fur a gentleman this Compeyson and hed been to a public
boardingschool and had learning He was a smooth one to talk and was a dab at
the ways of gentlefolks He was goodlooking too It was the night afore the
great race when I found him on the heath in a booth that I knowd on Him and
some more was a sitting among the tables when I went in and the landlord which
had a knowledge of me and was a sporting one called him out and said I think
this is a man that might suit you meaning I was
Compeyson he looks at me very noticing and I look at him He has a watch
and a chain and a ring and a breastpin and a handsome suit of clothes
To judge from appearances youre out of luck says Compeyson to me
Yes master and Ive never been in it much I had come out of Kingston
Jail last on a vagrancy committal Not but what it might have been for something
else but it warnt
Luck changes says Compeyson perhaps yours is going to change
I says I hope it may be so Theres room
What can you do says Compeyson
Eat and drink I says if youll find the materials
Compeyson laughed looked at me again very noticing giv me five shillings
and appointed me for next night Same place
I went to Compeyson next night same place and Compeyson took me on to be
his man and pardner And what was Compeysons business in which we was to go
pardners Compeysons business was the swindling handwriting forging stolen
banknote passing and suchlike All sorts of traps as Compeyson could set with
his head and keep his own legs out of and get the profits from and let another
man in for was Compeysons business Hed no more heart than a iron file he
was as cold as death and he had the head of the Devil afore mentioned
There was another in with Compeyson as was called Arthur not as being so
chrisend but as a surname He was in a Decline and was a shadow to look at
Him and Compeyson had been in a bad thing with a rich lady some years afore and
theyd made a pot of money by it but Compeyson betted and gamed and hed have
run through the kings taxes So Arthur was a dying and a dying poor and with
the horrors on him and Compeysons wife which Compeyson kicked mostly was a
having pity on him when she could and Compeyson was a having pity on nothing
and nobody
I might a took warning by Arthur but I didnt and I wont pretend I was
partickler for where ud be the good on it dear boy and comrade So I begun
wi Compeyson and a poor tool I was in his hands Arthur lived at the top of
Compeysons house over nigh Brentford it was and Compeyson kept a careful
account agen him for board and lodging in case he should ever get better to
work it out But Arthur soon settled the account The second or third time as
ever I see him he come a tearing down into Compeysons parlour late at night
in only a flannel gown with his hair all in a sweat and he says to Compeysons
wife Sally she really is upstairs alonger me now and I cant get rid of
her Shes all in white he says wi white flowers in her hair and shes awful
mad and shes got a shroud hanging over her arm and she says shell put it on
me at five in the morning
Says Compeyson Why you fool dont you know shes got a living body And
how should she be up there without coming through the door or in at the
window and up the stairs
I dont know how shes there says Arthur shivering dreadful with the
horrors but shes standing in the corner at the foot of the bed awful mad And
over where her hearts broke you broke it theres drops of blood
Compeyson spoke hardy but he was always a coward Go up alonger this
drivelling sick man he says to his wife and Magwitch lend her a hand will
you But he never come nigh himself
Compeysons wife and me took him up to bed agen and he raved most dreadful
Why look at her he cries out Shes a shaking the shroud at me Dont you see
her Look at her eyes Aint it awful to see her so mad Next he cries Shell
put it on me and then Im done for Take it away from her take it away And
then he catched hold of us and kep on a talking to her and answering of her
till I half believed I see her myself
Compeysons wife being used to him give him some liquor to get the horrors
off and byandby he quieted Oh shes gone Has her keeper been for her he
says Yes says Compeysons wife Did you tell him to lock and bar her in Yes
And to take that ugly thing away from her Yes yes all right Youre a good
creetur he says dont leave me whatever you do and thank you
He rested pretty quiet till it might want a few minutes of five and then he
starts up with a scream and screams out Here she is Shes got the shroud
again Shes unfolding it Shes coming out of the corner Shes coming to the
bed Hold me both on you one of each side dont let her touch me with it
Hah She missed me that time Dont let her throw it over my shoulders Dont
let her lift me up to get it round me Shes lifting me up Keep me down Then
he lifted himself up hard and was dead
Compeyson took it easy as a good riddance for both sides Him and me was
soon busy and first he swore me being ever artful on my own book this here
little black book dear boy what I swore your comrade on
Not to go into the things that Compeyson planned and I done which ud
take a week Ill simply say to you dear boy and Pips comrade that that man
got me into such nets as made me his black slave I was always in debt to him
always under his thumb always a working always a getting into danger He was
younger than me but hed got craft and hed got learning and he overmatched
me five hundred times told and no mercy My Missis as I had the hard time wi
Stop though I aint brought her in «
He looked about him in a confused way as if he had lost his place in the
book of his remembrance and he turned his face to the fire and spread his
hands broader on his knees and lifted them off and put them on again
»There aint no need to go into it« he said looking round once more »The
time wi Compeyson was amost as hard a time as ever I had that said alls
said Did I tell you as I was tried alone for misdemeanour while with
Compeyson«
I answered No
»Well« he said »I was and got convicted As to took up on suspicion that
was twice or three times in the four or five year that it lasted but evidence
was wanting At last me and Compeyson was both committed for felony on a
charge of putting stolen notes in circulation and there was other charges
behind Compeyson says to me Separate defences no communication and that was
all And I was so miserable poor that I sold all the clothes I had except what
hung on my back afore I could get Jaggers
When we was put in the dock I noticed first of all what a gentleman
Compeyson looked wi his curly hair and his black clothes and his white
pockethandkercher and what a common sort of a wretch I looked When the
prosecution opened and the evidence was put short aforehand I noticed how
heavy it all bore on me and how light on him When the evidence was giv in the
box I noticed how it was always me that had come forard and could be swore
to how it was always me that the money had been paid to how it was always me
that had seemed to work the thing and get the profit But when the defence come
on then I see the plan plainer for says the counsellor for Compeyson My lord
and gentlemen here you has afore you side by side two persons as your eyes
can separate wide one the younger well brought up who will be spoke to as
such one the elder ill brought up who will be spoke to as such one the
younger seldom if ever seen in these here transactions and only suspected
tother the elder always seen in em and always wi his guilt brought home
Can you doubt if there is but one in it which is the one and if there is two
in it which is much the worst one And suchlike And when it come to
character warnt it Compeyson as had been to school and warnt it his
schoolfellows as was in this position and in that and warnt it him as had been
knowd by witnesses in such clubs and societies and nowt to his disadvantage
And warnt it me as had been tried afore and as had been knowd up hill and
down dale in Bridewells and LockUps And when it come to speechmaking warnt
it Compeyson as could speak to em wi his face dropping every now and then into
his white pockethandkercher ah and wi verses in his speech too and
warnt it me as could only say Gentlemen this man at my side is a most
precious rascal And when the verdict come warnt it Compeyson as was
recommended to mercy on account of good character and bad company and giving up
all the information he could agen me and warnt it me as got never a word but
Guilty And when I says to Compeyson Once out of this court Ill smash that
face of yourn aint it Compeyson as prays the Judge to be protected and gets
two turnkeys stood betwixt us And when were sentenced aint it him as gets
seven year and me fourteen and aint it him as the Judge is sorry for because
he might a done so well and aint it me I as the Judge perceives to be a old
offender of wiolent passion likely to come to worse«
He had worked himself into a state of great excitement but he checked it
took two or three short breaths swallowed as often and stretching out his hand
towards me said in a reassuring manner »I aint a going to be low dear boy«
He had so heated himself that he took out his handkerchief and wiped his
face and head and neck and hands before he could go on
»I had said to Compeyson that Id smash that face of his and I swore Lord
smash mine to do it We was in the same prisonship but I couldnt get at him
for long though I tried At last I come behind him and hit him on the cheek to
turn him round and get a smashing one at him when I was seen and seized The
blackhole of that ship warnt a strong one to a judge of blackholes that
could swim and dive I escaped to the shore and I was a hiding among the graves
there envying them as was in em and all over when I first see my boy«
He regarded me with a look of affection that made him almost abhorrent to me
again though I had felt great pity for him
»By my boy I was giv to understand as Compeyson was out on them marshes
too Upon my soul I half believe he escaped in his terror to get quit of me
not knowing it was me as had got ashore I hunted him down I smashed his face
And now says I as the worst thing I can do caring nothing for myself Ill
drag you back And Id have swum off towing him by the hair if it had come to
that and Id a got him aboard without the soldiers
Of course hed much the best of it to the last his character was so good
He had escaped when he was made halfwild by me and my murderous intentions and
his punishment was light I was put in irons brought to trial again and sent
for life I didnt stop for life dear boy and Pips comrade being here«
He wiped himself again as he had done before and then slowly took his
tangle of tobacco from his pocket and plucked his pipe from his buttonhole
and slowly filled it and began to smoke
»Is he dead« I asked after a silence
»Is who dead dear boy«
»Compeyson«
»He hopes I am if hes alive you may be sure« with a fierce look »I
never heard no more of him«
Herbert had been writing with his pencil in the cover of a book He softly
pushed the book over to me as Provis stood smoking with his eyes on the fire
and I read in it
»Young Havishams name was Arthur Compeyson is the man who professed to
be Miss Havishams lover«
I shut the book and nodded slightly to Herbert and put the book by but we
neither of us said anything and both looked at Provis as he stood smoking by
the fire
Chapter XLIII
Why should I pause to ask how much of my shrinking from Provis might be traced
to Estella Why should I loiter on my road to compare the state of mind in
which I had tried to rid myself of the stain of the prison before meeting her at
the coachoffice with the state of mind in which I now reflected on the abyss
between Estella in her pride and beauty and the returned transport whom I
harboured The road would be none the smoother for it the end would be none the
better for it he would not be helped nor I extenuated
A new fear had been engendered in my mind by his narrative or rather his
narrative had given form and purpose to the fear that was already there If
Compeyson were alive and should discover his return I could hardly doubt the
consequence That Compeyson stood in mortal fear of him neither of the two
could know much better than I and that any such man as that man had been
described to be would hesitate to release himself for good from a dreaded enemy
by the safe means of becoming an informer was scarcely to be imagined
Never had I breathed and never would I breathe or so I resolved a word
of Estella to Provis But I said to Herbert that before I could go abroad I
must see both Estella and Miss Havisham This was when we were left alone on the
night of the day when Provis told us his story I resolved to go out to Richmond
next day and I went
On my presenting myself at Mrs Brandleys Estellas maid was called to
tell me that Estella had gone into the country Where To Satis House as usual
Not as usual I said for she had never yet gone there without me when was she
coming back There was an air of reservation in the answer which increased my
perplexity and the answer was that her maid believed she was only coming back
at all for a little while I could make nothing of this except that it was
meant that I should make nothing of it and I went home again in complete
discomfiture
Another nightconsultation with Herbert after Provis was gone home I always
took him home and always locked well about me led us to the conclusion that
nothing should be said about going abroad until I came back from Miss
Havishams In the meantime Herbert and I were to consider separately what it
would be best to say whether we should devise any pretence of being afraid that
he was under suspicious observation or whether I who had never yet been
abroad should propose an expedition We both knew that I had but to propose
anything and he would consent We agreed that his remaining many days in his
present hazard was not to be thought of
Next day I had the meanness to feign that I was under a binding promise to
go down to Joe but I was capable of almost any meanness towards Joe or his
name Provis was to be strictly careful while I was gone and Herbert was to
take the charge of him that I had taken I was to be absent only one night and
on my return the gratification of his impatience for my starting as a gentleman
on a greater scale was to be begun It occured to me then and as I afterwards
found to Herbert also that he might be best got away across the water on that
pretence as to make purchases or the like
Having thus cleared the way for my expedition to Miss Havishams I set off
by the early morning coach before it was yet light and was out in the open
countryroad when the day came creeping on halting and whimpering and
shivering and wrapped in patches of cloud and rags of mist like a beggar When
we drove up to the Blue Boar after a drizzly ride whom should I see come out
under the gateway toothpick in hand to look at the coach but Bentley Drummle
As he pretended not to see me I pretended not to see him It was a very
lame pretence on both sides the lamer because we both went into the
coffeeroom where he had just finished his breakfast and where I had ordered
mine It was poisonous to me to see him in the town for I very well knew why he
had come there
Pretending to read a smeary newspaper long out of date which had nothing
half so legible in its local news as the foreign matter of coffee pickles
fishsauces gravy melted butter and wine with which it was sprinkled all
over as if it had taken the measles in a highly irregular form I sat at my
table while he stood before the fire By degrees it became an enormous injury to
me that he stood before the fire And I got up determined to have my share of
it I had to put my hands behind his legs for the poker when I went up to the
fireplace to stir the fire but still pretended not to know him
»Is this a cut« said Mr Drummle
»Oh« said I poker in hand »its you is it How do you do I was
wondering who it was who kept the fire off«
With that I poked tremendously and having done so planted myself side by
side with Mr Drummle my shoulders squared and my back to the fire
»You have just come down« said Mr Drummle edging me a little away with
his shoulder
»Yes« said I edging him a little away with my shoulder
»Beastly place« said Drummle »Your part of the country I think«
»Yes« I assented »I am told its very like your Shropshire«
»Not in the least like it« said Drummle
Here Mr Drummle looked at his boots and I looked at mine and then Mr
Drummle looked at my boots and I looked at his
»Have you been here long« I asked determined not to yield an inch of the
fire
»Long enough to be tired of it« returned Drummle I pretending to yawn but
equally determined
»Do you stay here long«
»Cant say« answered Mr Drummle »Do you«
»Cant say« said I
I felt here through a tingling in my blood that if Mr Drummles shoulder
had claimed another hairs breadth of room I should have jerked him into the
window equally that if my shoulder had urged a similar claim Mr Drummle
would have jerked me into the nearest box He whistled a little So did I
»Large tract of marshes about here I believe« said Drummle
»Yes What of that« said I
Mr Drummle looked at me and then at my boots and then said »Oh« and
laughed
»Are you amused Mr Drummle«
»No« said he »not particularly I am going out for a ride in the saddle I
mean to explore those marshes for amusement Outoftheway villages there they
tell me Curious little publichouses and smithies and that Waiter«
»Yes sir«
»Is that horse of mine ready«
»Brought round to the door sir«
»I say Look here you sir The lady wont ride today the weather wont
do«
»Very good sir«
»And I dont dine because I am going to dine at the ladys«
»Very good sir«
Then Drummle glanced at me with an insolent triumph on his greatjowled
face that cut me to the heart dull as he was and so exasperated me that I
felt inclined to take him in my arms as the robber in the storybook is said to
have taken the old lady and seat him on the fire
One thing was manifest to both of us and that was that until relief came
neither of us could relinquish the fire There we stood well squared up before
it shoulder to shoulder and foot to foot with our hands behind us not budging
an inch The horse was visible outside in the drizzle at the door my breakfast
was put on table Drummles was cleared away the waiter invited me to begin I
nodded we both stood our ground
»Have you been to the Grove since« said Drummle
»No« said I »I had quite enough of the Finches the last time I was there«
»Was that when we had a difference of opinion«
»Yes« I replied very shortly
»Come come they let you off easily enough« sneered Drummle »You
shouldnt have lost your temper«
»Mr Drummle« said I »you are not competent to give advice on that
subject When I lose my temper not that I admit having done so on that
occasion I dont throw glasses«
»I do« said Drummle
After glancing at him once or twice in an increased state of smouldering
ferocity I said
»Mr Drummle I did not seek this conversation and I dont think its an
agreeable one«
»I am sure its not« said he superciliously over his shoulder »I dont
think anything about it«
»And therefore« I went on »with your leave I will suggest that we hold no
kind of communication in future«
»Quite my opinion« said Drummle »and what I should have suggested myself
or done more likely without suggesting But dont lose your temper Havent
you lost enough without that«
»What do you mean sir«
»Waiter« said Drummle by way of answering me
The waiter reappeared
»Look here you sir You quite understand that the young lady dont ride
today and that I dine at the young ladys«
»Quite so sir«
When the waiter had felt my fast cooling teapot with the palm of his hand
and had looked imploringly at me and had gone out Drummle careful not to
move the shoulder next me took a cigar from his pocket and bit the end off but
showed no sign of stirring Choking and boiling as I was I felt that we could
not go a word further without introducing Estellas name which I could not
endure to hear him utter and therefore I looked stonily at the opposite wall
as if there were no one present and forced myself to silence How long we might
have remained in this ridiculous position it is impossible to say but for the
incursion of three thriving farmers laid on by the waiter I think who came
into the coffeeroom unbuttoning their greatcoats and rubbing their hands and
before whom as they charged at the fire we were obliged to give way
I saw him through the window seizing his horses mane and mounting in his
blundering brutal manner and sidling and backing away I thought he was gone
when he came back calling for a light for the cigar in his mouth which he had
forgotten A man in a dustcoloured dress appeared with what was wanted I
could not have said from where whether from the inn yard or the street or
where not and as Drummle leaned down from the saddle and lighted his cigar and
laughed with a jerk of his head towards the coffeeroom windows the slouching
shoulders and ragged hair of this man whose back was towards me reminded me
of Orlick
Too heavily out of sorts to care much at the time whether it were he or no
or after all to touch the breakfast I washed the weather and the journey from
my face and hands and went out to the memorable old house that it would have
been so much the better for me never to have entered never to have seen
Chapter XLIV
In the room where the dressingtable stood and where the wax candles burnt on
the wall I found Miss Havisham and Estella Miss Havisham seated on a settee
near the fire and Estella on a cushion at her feet Estella was knitting and
Miss Havisham was looking on They both raised their eyes as I went in and both
saw an alteration in me I derived that from the look they interchanged
»And what wind« said Miss Havisham »blows you here Pip«
Though she looked steadily at me I saw that she was rather confused
Estella pausing a moment in her knitting with her eyes upon me and then going
on I fancied that I read in the action of her fingers as plainly as if she had
told me in the dumb alphabet that she perceived I had discovered my real
benefactor
»Miss Havisham« said I »I went to Richmond yesterday to speak to Estella
and finding that some wind had blown her here I followed«
Miss Havisham motioning to me for the third or fourth time to sit down I
took the chair by the dressingtable which I had often seen her occupy With
all that ruin at my feet and about me it seemed a natural place for me that
day
»What I had to say to Estella Miss Havisham I will say before you
presently in a few moments It will not surprise you it will not displease
you I am as unhappy as you can ever have meant me to be«
Miss Havisham continued to look steadily at me I could see in the action of
Estellas fingers as they worked that she attended to what I said but she did
not look up
»I have found out who my patron is It is not a fortunate discovery and is
not likely ever to enrich me in reputation station fortune anything There
are reasons why I must say no more of that It is not my secret but anothers«
As I was silent for a while looking at Estella and considering how to go
on Miss Havisham repeated »It is not your secret but anothers Well«
»When you first caused me to be brought here Miss Havisham when I belonged
to the village over yonder that I wish I had never left I suppose I did really
come here as any other chance boy might have come as a kind of servant to
gratify a want or a whim and to be paid for it«
»Ay Pip« replied Miss Havisham steadily nodding her head »you did«
»And that Mr Jaggers «
»Mr Jaggers« said Miss Havisham taking me up in a firm tone »had nothing
to do with it and knew nothing of it His being my lawyer and his being the
lawyer of your patron is a coincidence He holds the same relation towards
numbers of people and it might easily arise Be that as it may it did arise
and was not brought about by any one«
Any one might have seen in her haggard face that there was no suppression or
evasion so far
»But when I fell into the mistake I have so long remained in at least you
led me on« said I
»Yes« she returned again nodding steadily »I let you go on«
»Was that kind«
»Who am I« cried Miss Havisham striking her stick upon the floor and
flashing into wrath so suddenly that Estella glanced up at her in surprise »who
am I for Gods sake that I should be kind«
It was a weak complaint to have made and I had not meant to make it I told
her so as she sat brooding over this outburst
»Well well well« she said »What else«
»I was liberally paid for my old attendance here« I said to soothe her
»in being apprenticed and I have asked these questions only for my own
information What follows has another and I hope more disinterested purpose
In humouring my mistake Miss Havisham you punished practised on perhaps
you will supply whatever term expresses your intention without offence your
selfseeking relations«
»I did Why they would have it so So would you What has been my history
that I should be at the pains of entreating either them or you not to have it
so You made your own snares I never made them«
Waiting until she was quiet again for this too flashed out of her in a
wild and sudden way I went on
»I have been thrown among one family of your relations Miss Havisham and
have been constantly among them since I went to London I know them to have been
as honestly under my delusion as I myself And I should be false and base if I
did not tell you whether it is acceptable to you or no and whether you are
inclined to give credence to it or no that you deeply wrong both Mr Matthew
Pocket and his son Herbert if you suppose them to be otherwise than generous
upright open and incapable of anything designing or mean«
»They are your friends« said Miss Havisham
»They made themselves my friends« said I »when they supposed me to have
superseded them and when Sarah Pocket Miss Georgiana and Mistress Camilla
were not my friends I think«
This contrasting of them with the rest seemed I was glad to see to do them
good with her She looked at me keenly for a little while and then said
quietly
»What do you want for them«
»Only« said I »that you would not confound them with the others They may
be of the same blood but believe me they are not of the same nature«
Still looking at me keenly Miss Havisham repeated
»What do you want for them«
»I am not so cunning you see« I said in answer conscious that I reddened
a little »as that I could hide from you even if I desired that I do want
something Miss Havisham if you could spare the money to do my friend Herbert a
lasting service in life but which from the nature of the case must be done
without his knowledge I could show you how«
»Why must it be done without his knowledge« she asked settling her hands
upon her stick that she might regard me the more attentively
»Because« said I »I began the service myself more than two years ago
without his knowledge and I dont want to be betrayed Why I fail in my ability
to finish it I cannot explain It is a part of the secret which is another
persons and not mine«
She gradually withdrew her eyes from me and turned them on the fire After
watching it for what appeared in the silence and by the light of the slowly
wasting candles to be a long time she was roused by the collapse of some of the
red coals and looked towards me again at first vacantly then with a
gradually concentrating attention All this time Estella knitted on When Miss
Havisham had fixed her attention on me she said speaking as if there had been
no lapse in our dialogue
»What else«
»Estella« said I turning to her now and trying to command my trembling
voice »you know I love you You know that I have loved you long and dearly«
She raised her eyes to my face on being thus addressed and her fingers
plied their work and she looked at me with an unmoved countenance I saw that
Miss Havisham glanced from me to her and from her to me
»I should have said this sooner but for my long mistake It induced me to
hope that Miss Havisham meant us for one another While I thought you could not
help yourself as it were I refrained from saying it But I must say it now«
Preserving her unmoved countenance and with her fingers still going
Estella shook her head
»I know« said I in answer to that action »I know I have no hope that I
shall ever call you mine Estella I am ignorant what may become of me very
soon how poor I may be or where I may go Still I love you I have loved you
ever since I first saw you in this house«
Looking at me perfectly unmoved and with her fingers busy she shook her
head again
»It would have been cruel in Miss Havisham horribly cruel to practise on
the susceptibility of a poor boy and to torture me through all these years with
a vain hope and an idle pursuit if she had reflected on the gravity of what she
did But I think she did not I think that in the endurance of her own trial
she forgot mine Estella«
I saw Miss Havisham put her hand to her heart and hold it there as she sat
looking by turns at Estella and at me
»It seems« said Estella very calmly »that there are sentiments fancies
I dont know how to call them which I am not able to comprehend When you say
you love me I know what you mean as a form of words but nothing more You
address nothing in my breast you touch nothing there I dont care for what you
say at all I have tried to warn you of this now have I not«
I said in a miserable manner »Yes«
»Yes But you would not be warned for you thought I did not mean it Now
did you not think so«
»I thought and hoped you could not mean it You so young untried and
beautiful Estella Surely it is not in Nature«
»It is in my nature« she returned And then she added with a stress upon
the words »It is in the nature formed within me I make a great difference
between you and all other people when I say so much I can do no more«
»Is it not true« said I »that Bentley Drummle is in town here and
pursuing you«
»It is quite true« she replied referring to him with the indifference of
utter contempt
»That you encourage him and ride out with him and that he dines with you
this very day«
She seemed a little surprised that I should know it but again replied
»Quite true«
»You cannot love him Estella«
Her fingers stopped for the first time as she retorted rather angrily
»What have I told you Do you still think in spite of it that I do not mean
what I say«
»You would never marry him Estella«
She looked towards Miss Havisham and considered for a moment with her work
in her hands Then she said »Why not tell you the truth I am going to be
married to him«
I dropped my face into my hands but was able to control myself better than
I could have expected considering what agony it gave me to hear her say those
words When I raised my face again there was such a ghastly look upon Miss
Havishams that it impressed me even in my passionate hurry and grief
»Estella dearest dearest Estella do not let Miss Havisham lead you into
this fatal step Put me aside for ever you have done so I well know but
bestow yourself on some worthier person than Drummle Miss Havisham gives you to
him as the greatest slight and injury that could be done to the many far better
men who admire you and to the few who truly love you Among those few there
may be one who loves you even as dearly though he has not loved you as long as
I Take him and I can bear it better for your sake«
My earnestness awoke a wonder in her that seemed as if it would have been
touched with compassion if she could have rendered me at all intelligible to
her own mind
»I am going« she said again in a gentler voice »to be married to him The
preparations for my marriage are making and I shall be married soon Why do you
injuriously introduce the name of my mother by adoption It is my own act«
»Your own act Estella to fling yourself away upon a brute«
»On whom should I fling myself away« she retorted with a smile »Should I
fling myself away upon the man who would the soonest feel if people do feel
such things that I took nothing to him There It is done I shall do well
enough and so will my husband As to leading me into what you call this fatal
step Miss Havisham would have had me wait and not marry yet but I am tired of
the life I have led which has very few charms for me and I am willing enough
to change it Say no more We shall never understand each other«
»Such a mean brute such a stupid brute« I urged in despair
»Dont be afraid of my being a blessing to him« said Estella »I shall not
be that Come Here is my hand Do we part on this you visionary boy or
man«
»O Estella« I answered as my bitter tears fell fast on her hand do what I
would to restrain them »even if I remained in England and could hold my head up
with the rest how could I see you Drummles wife«
»Nonsense« she returned »nonsense This will pass in no time«
»Never Estella«
»You will get me out of your thoughts in a week«
»Out of my thoughts You are part of my existence part of myself You have
been in every line I have ever read since I first came here the rough common
boy whose poor heart you wounded even then You have been in every prospect I
have ever seen since on the river on the sails of the ships on the marshes
in the clouds in the light in the darkness in the wind in the woods in the
sea in the streets You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that
my mind has ever become acquainted with The stones of which the strongest
London buildings are made are not more real or more impossible to be displaced
by your hands than your presence and influence have been to me there and
everywhere and will be Estella to the last hour of my life you cannot choose
but remain part of my character part of the little good in me part of the
evil But in this separation I associate you only with the good and I will
faithfully hold you to that always for you must have done me far more good than
harm let me feel now what sharp distress I may O God bless you God forgive
you«
In what ecstasy of unhappiness I got these broken words out of myself I
dont know The rhapsody welled up within me like blood from an inward wound
and gushed out I held her hand to my lips some lingering moments and so I left
her But ever afterwards I remembered and soon afterwards with stronger
reason that while Estella looked at me merely with incredulous wonder the
spectral figure of Miss Havisham her hand still covering her heart seemed all
resolved into a ghastly stare of pity and remorse
All done all gone So much was done and gone that when I went out at the
gate the light of day seemed of a darker colour than when I went in For a
while I hid myself among some lanes and bypaths and then struck off to walk
all the way to London For I had by that time come to myself so far as to
consider that I could not go back to the inn and see Drummle there that I could
not bear to sit upon the coach and be spoken to that I could do nothing half so
good for myself as tire myself out
It was past midnight when I crossed London Bridge Pursuing the narrow
intricacies of the streets which at that time tended westward near the Middlesex
shore of the river my readiest access to the Temple was close by the
riverside through Whitefriars I was not expected till tomorrow but I had my
keys and if Herbert were gone to bed could get to bed myself without
disturbing him
As it seldom happened that I came in at that Whitefriars gate after the
Temple was closed and as I was very muddy and weary I did not take it ill that
the nightporter examined me with much attention as he held the gate a little
way open for me to pass in To help his memory I mentioned my name
»I was not quite sure sir but I thought so Heres a note sir The
messenger that brought it said would you be so good as read it by my lantern«
Much surprised by the request I took the note It was directed to Philip
Pip Esquire and on the top of the superscription were the words »PLEASE READ
THIS HERE« I opened it the watchman holding up his light and read inside in
Wemmicks writing
»DONT GO HOME«
Chapter XLV
Turning from the Temple gate as soon as I had read the warning I made the best
of my way to Fleetstreet and there got a late hackney chariot and drove to the
Hummums in Covent Garden In those times a bed was always to be got there at any
hour of the night and the chamberlain letting me in at his ready wicket
lighted the candle next in order on his shelf and showed me straight into the
bedroom next in order on his list It was a sort of vault on the ground floor at
the back with a despotic monster of a fourpost bedstead in it straddling over
the whole place putting one of his arbitrary legs into the fireplace and
another into the doorway and squeezing the wretched little washingstand in
quite a Divinely Righteous manner
As I had asked for a nightlight the chamberlain had brought me in before
he left me the good old constitutional rushlight of those virtuous days an
object like the ghost of a walkingcane which instantly broke its back if it
were touched which nothing could ever be lighted at and which was placed in
solitary confinement at the bottom of a high tin tower perforated with round
holes that made a staringly wideawake pattern on the walls When I had got into
bed and lay there footsore weary and wretched I found that I could no more
close my own eyes than I could close the eyes of this foolish Argus And thus
in the gloom and death of the night we stared at one another
What a doleful night How anxious how dismal how long There was an
inhospitable smell in the room of cold soot and hot dust and as I looked up
into the corners of the tester over my head I thought what a number of
bluebottle flies from the butchers and earwigs from the market and grubs
from the country must be holding on up there lying by for next summer This
led me to speculate whether any of them ever tumbled down and then I fancied
that I felt light falls on my face a disagreeable turn of thought suggesting
other and more objectionable approaches up my back When I had lain awake a
little while those extraordinary voices with which silence teems began to make
themselves audible The closet whispered the fireplace sighed the little
washingstand ticked and one guitarstring played occasionally in the chest of
drawers At about the same time the eyes on the wall acquired a new expression
and in every one of those staring rounds I saw written DONT GO HOME
Whatever nightfancies and nightnoises crowded on me they never warded off
this DONT GO HOME It plaited itself into whatever I thought of as a bodily
pain would have done Not long before I had read in the newspapers how a
gentleman unknown had come to the Hummums in the night and had gone to bed and
had destroyed himself and had been found in the morning weltering in blood It
came into my head that he must have occupied this very vault of mine and I got
out of bed to assure myself that there were no red marks about then opened the
door to look out into the passages and cheer myself with the companionship of a
distant light near which I knew the chamberlain to be dozing But all this
time why I was not to go home and what had happened at home and when I should
go home and whether Provis was safe at home were questions occupying my mind
so busily that one might have supposed there could be no more room in it for
any other theme Even when I thought of Estella and how we had parted that day
for ever and when I recalled all the circumstances of our parting and all her
looks and tones and the action of her fingers while she knitted even then I
was pursuing here and there and everywhere the caution Dont go home When at
last I dozed in sheer exhaustion of mind and body it became a vast shadowy
verb which I had to conjugate Imperative mood present tense Do not thou go
home let him not go home let us not go home do not ye or you go home let not
them go home Then potentially I may not and I cannot go home and I might
not could not would not and should not go home until I felt that I was going
distracted and rolled over on the pillow and looked at the staring rounds upon
the wall again
I had left directions that I was to be called at seven for it was plain
that I must see Wemmick before seeing any one else and equally plain that this
was a case in which his Walworth sentiments only could be taken It was a
relief to get out of the room where the night had been so miserable and I
needed no second knocking at the door to startle me from my uneasy bed
The Castle battlements arose upon my view at eight oclock The little
servant happening to be entering the fortress with two hot rolls I passed
through the postern and crossed the drawbridge in her company and so came
without announcement into the presence of Wemmick as he was making tea for
himself and the Aged An open door afforded a perspective view of the Aged in
bed
»Halloa Mr Pip« said Wemmick »You did come home then«
»Yes« I returned »but I didnt go home«
»Thats all right« said he rubbing his hands »I left a note for you at
each of the Temple gates on the chance Which gate did you come to«
I told him
»Ill go round to the others in the course of the day and destroy the
notes« said Wemmick »its a good rule never to leave documentary evidence if
you can help it because you dont know when it may be put in Im going to take
a liberty with you Would you mind toasting this sausage for the Aged P«
I said I should be delighted to do it
»Then you can go about your work Mary Anne« said Wemmick to the little
servant »which leaves us to ourselves dont you see Mr Pip« he added
winking as she disappeared
I thanked him for his friendship and caution and our discourse proceeded in
a low tone while I toasted the Ageds sausage and he buttered the crumb of the
Ageds roll
»Now Mr Pip you know« said Wemmick »you and I understand one another
We are in our private and personal capacities and we have been engaged in a
confidential transaction before today Official sentiments are one thing We
are extraofficial«
I cordially assented I was so very nervous that I had already lighted the
Ageds sausage like a torch and been obliged to blow it out
»I accidentally heard yesterday morning« said Wemmick »being in a certain
place where I once took you even between you and me its as well not to
mention names when avoidable «
»Much better not« said I »I understand you«
»I heard there by chance yesterday morning« said Wemmick »that a certain
person not altogether of uncolonial pursuits and not unpossessed of portable
property I dont know who it may really be we wont name this person «
»Not necessary« said I
» had made some little stir in a certain part of the world where a good
many people go not always in gratification of their own inclinations and not
quite irrespective of the government expense «
In watching his face I made quite a firework of the Ageds sausage and
greatly discomposed both my own attention and Wemmicks for which I apologised
» by disappearing from such place and being no more heard of thereabouts
From which« said Wemmick »conjectures had been raised and theories formed I
also heard that you at your chambers in Gardencourt Temple had been watched
and might be watched again«
»By whom« said I
»I wouldnt go into that« said Wemmick evasively »it might clash with
official responsibilities I heard it as I have in my time heard other curious
things in the same place I dont tell it you on information received I heard
it«
He took the toastingfork and sausage from me as he spoke and set forth the
Ageds breakfast neatly on a little tray Previous to placing it before him he
went into the Ageds room with a clean white cloth and tied the same under the
old gentlemans chin and propped him up and put his nightcap on one side and
gave him quite a rakish air Then he placed his breakfast before him with great
care and said »All right aint you Aged P« To which the cheerful Aged
replied »All right John my boy all right« As there seemed to be a tacit
understanding that the Aged was not in a presentable state and was therefore to
be considered invisible I made a pretence of being in complete ignorance of
these proceedings
»This watching of me at my chambers which I have once had reason to
suspect« I said to Wemmick when he came back »is inseparable from the person
to whom you have adverted is it«
Wemmick looked very serious »I couldnt undertake to say that of my own
knowledge I mean I couldnt undertake to say it was at first But it either
is or it will be or its in great danger of being«
As I saw that he was restrained by fealty to Little Britain from saying as
much as he could and as I knew with thankfulness to him how far out of his
way he went to say what he did I could not press him But I told him after a
little meditation over the fire that I would like to ask him a question
subject to his answering or not answering as he deemed right and sure that his
course would be right He paused in his breakfast and crossing his arms and
pinching his shirtsleeves his notion of indoor comfort was to sit without any
coat he nodded to me once to put my question
»You have heard of a man of bad character whose true name is Compeyson«
He answered with one other nod
»Is he living«
One other nod
»Is he in London«
He gave me one other nod compressed the postoffice exceedingly gave me
one last nod and went on with his breakfast
»Now« said Wemmick »questioning being over« which he emphasised and
repeated for my guidance »I come to what I did after hearing what I heard I
went to Gardencourt to find you not finding you I went to Clarrikers to find
Mr Herbert«
»And him you found« said I with great anxiety
»And him I found Without mentioning any names or going into any details I
gave him to understand that if he was aware of anybody Tom Jack or Richard
being about the chambers or about the immediate neighbourhood he had better
get Tom Jack or Richard out of the way while you were out of the way«
»He would be greatly puzzled what to do«
»He was puzzled what to do not the less because I gave him my opinion that
it was not safe to try to get Tom Jack or Richard too far out of the way at
present Mr Pip Ill tell you something Under existing circumstances there is
no place like a great city when you are once in it Dont break cover too soon
Lie close Wait till things slacken before you try the open even for foreign
air«
I thanked him for his valuable advice and asked him what Herbert had done
»Mr Herbert« said Wemmick »after being all of a heap for half an hour
struck out a plan He mentioned to me as a secret that he is courting a young
lady who has as no doubt you are aware a bedridden Pa Which Pa having been
in the Purser line of life lies abed in a bowwindow where he can see the
ships sail up and down the river You are acquainted with the young lady most
probably«
»Not personally« said I
The truth was that she had objected to me as an expensive companion who did
Herbert no good and that when Herbert had first proposed to present me to her
she had received the proposal with such very moderate warmth that Herbert had
felt himself obliged to confide the state of the case to me with a view to the
lapse of a little time before I made her acquaintance When I had begun to
advance Herberts prospects by stealth I had been able to bear this with
cheerful philosophy he and his affianced for their part had naturally not
been very anxious to introduce a third person into their interviews and thus
although I was assured that I had risen in Claras esteem and although the
young lady and I had long regularly interchanged messages and remembrances by
Herbert I had never seen her However I did not trouble Wemmick with those
particulars
»The house with the bowwindow« said Wemmick »being by the riverside
down the Pool there between Limehouse and Greenwich and being kept it seems
by a very respectable widow who has a furnished upper floor to let Mr Herbert
put it to me what did I think of that as a temporary tenement for Tom Jack or
Richard Now I thought very well of it for three reasons Ill give you That
is to say Firstly Its altogether out of all your beats and is well away from
the usual heap of streets great and small Secondly Without going near it
yourself you could always hear of the safety of Tom Jack or Richard through
Mr Herbert Thirdly After a while and when it might be prudent if you should
want to slip Tom Jack or Richard on board a foreign packetboat there he is
ready«
Much comforted by these considerations I thanked Wemmick again and again
and begged him to proceed
»Well sir Mr Herbert threw himself into the business with a will and by
nine oclock last night he housed Tom Jack or Richard whichever it may be
you and I dont want to know quite successfully At the old lodgings it was
understood that he was summoned to Dover and in fact he was taken down the
Dover road and cornered out of it Now another great advantage of all this is
that it was done without you and when if any one was concerning himself about
your movements you must be known to be ever so many miles off and quite
otherwise engaged This diverts suspicion and confuses it and for the same
reason I recommended that even if you came back last night you should not go
home It brings in more confusion and you want confusion«
Wemmick having finished his breakfast here looked at his watch and began
to get his coat on
»And now Mr Pip« said he with his hands still in the sleeves »I have
probably done the most I can do but if I can ever do more from a Walworth
point of view and in a strictly private and personal capacity I shall be glad
to do it Heres the address There can be no harm in your going here tonight
and seeing for yourself that all is well with Tom Jack or Richard before you
go home which is another reason for your not going home last night But after
you have gone home dont go back here You are very welcome I am sure Mr
Pip« his hands were now out of his sleeves and I was shaking them »and let me
finally impress one important point upon you« He laid his hands upon my
shoulders and added in a solemn whisper »Avail yourself of this evening to lay
hold of his portable property You dont know what may happen to him Dont let
anything happen to the portable property«
Quite despairing of making my mind clear to Wemmick on this point I forbore
to try
»Times up« said Wemmick »and I must be off If you had nothing more
pressing to do than to keep here till dark thats what I should advise You
look very much worried and it would do you good to have a perfectly quiet day
with the Aged hell be up presently and a little bit of you remember the
pig«
»Of course« said I
»Well and a little bit of him That sausage you toasted was his and he was
in all respects a firstrater Do try him if it is only for old acquaintance
sake Goodbye Aged Parent« in a cheery shout
»All right John all right my boy« piped the old man from within
I soon fell asleep before Wemmicks fire and the Aged and I enjoyed one
anothers society by falling asleep before it more or less all day We had loin
of pork for dinner and greens grown on the estate and I nodded at the Aged
with a good intention whenever I failed to do it drowsily When it was quite
dark I left the Aged preparing the fire for toast and I inferred from the
number of teacups as well as from his glances at the two little doors in the
wall that Miss Skiffins was expected
Chapter XLVI
Eight oclock had struck before I got into the air that was scented not
disagreeably by the chips and shavings of the longshore boatbuilders and
mast oar and block makers All that waterside region of the upper and lower
Pool below Bridge was unknown ground to me and when I struck down by the
river I found that the spot I wanted was not where I had supposed it to be and
was anything but easy to find It was called Mill Pond Bank Chinkss Basin and
I had no other guide to Chinkss Basin than the Old Green Copper RopeWalk
It matters not what stranded ships repairing in dry docks I lost myself
among what old hulls of ships in course of being knocked to pieces what ooze
and slime and other dregs of tide what yards of shipbuilders and
shipbreakers what rusty anchors blindly biting into the ground though for
years off duty what mountainous country of accumulated casks and timber how
many ropewalks that were not the Old Green Copper After several times falling
short of my destination and as often overshooting it I came unexpectedly round
a corner upon Mill Pond Bank It was a fresh kind of place all circumstances
considered where the wind from the river had room to turn itself round and
there were two or three trees in it and there was the stump of a ruined
windmill and there was the Old Green Copper RopeWalk whose long and narrow
vista I could trace in the moonlight along a series of wooden frames set in the
ground that looked like superannuated haymakingrakes which had grown old and
lost most of their teeth
Selecting from the few queer houses upon Mill Pond Bank a house with a
wooden front and three stories of bowwindow not baywindow which is another
thing I looked at the plate upon the door and read there Mrs Whimple That
being the name I wanted I knocked and an elderly woman of a pleasant and
thriving appearance responded She was immediately deposed however by Herbert
who silently led me into the parlour and shut the door It was an odd sensation
to see his very familiar face established quite at home in that very unfamiliar
room and region and I found myself looking at him much as I looked at the
corner cupboard with the glass and china the shells upon the chimneypiece and
the coloured engravings on the wall representing the death of Captain Cook a
shiplaunch and his Majesty King George the Third in a state coachmans wig
leather breeches and topboots on the terrace at Windsor
»All is well Handel« said Herbert »and he is quite satisfied though
eager to see you My dear girl is with her father and if youll wait till she
comes down Ill make you known to her and then well go upstairs Thats
her father«
I had become aware of an alarming growling overhead and had probably
expressed the fact in my countenance
»I am afraid he is a sad old rascal« said Herbert smiling »but I have
never seen him Dont you smell rum He is always at it«
»At rum« said I
»Yes« returned Herbert »and you may suppose how mild it makes his gout He
persists too in keeping all the provisions upstairs in his room and serving
them out He keeps them on shelves over his head and will weigh them all His
room must be like a chandlers shop«
While he thus spoke the growling noise became a prolonged roar and then
died away
»What else can be the consequence« said Herbert in explanation »if he
will cut the cheese A man with the gout in his right hand and everywhere else
cant expect to get through a Double Gloucester without hurting himself«
He seemed to have hurt himself very much for he gave another furious roar
»To have Provis for an upper lodger is quite a godsend to Mrs Whimple«
said Herbert »for of course people in general wont stand that noise A curious
place Handel isnt it«
It was a curious place indeed but remarkably well kept and clean
»Mrs Whimple« said Herbert when I told him so »is the best of
housewives and I really do not know what my Clara would do without her motherly
help For Clara has no mother of her own Handel and no relation in the world
but old Gruffandgrim«
»Surely thats not his name Herbert«
»No no« said Herbert »thats my name for him His name is Mr Barley But
what a blessing it is for the son of my father and mother to love a girl who
has no relations and who can never bother herself or anybody else about her
family«
Herbert had told me on former occasions and now reminded me that he first
knew Miss Clara Barley when she was completing her education at an establishment
at Hammersmith and that on her being recalled home to nurse her father he and
she had confided their affection to the motherly Mrs Whimple by whom it had
been fostered and regulated with equal kindness and discretion ever since It
was understood that nothing of a tender nature could possibly be confided to Old
Barley by reason of his being totally unequal to the consideration of any
subject more psychological than Gout Rum and Pursers stores
As we were thus conversing in a low tone while Old parleys sustained growl
vibrated in the beam that crossed the ceiling the room door opened and a very
pretty slight darkeyed girl of twenty or so came in with a basket in her
hand whom Herbert tenderly relieved of the basket and presented blushing as
Clara She really was a most charming girl and might have passed for a captive
fairy whom that truculent Ogre Old Barley had pressed into his service
»Look here« said Herbert showing me the basket with a compassionate and
tender smile after we had talked a little »heres poor Claras supper served
out every night Heres her allowance of bread and heres her slice of cheese
and heres her rum which I drink This is Mr Barleys breakfast for
tomorrow served out to be cooked Two mutton chops three potatoes some split
peas a little flour two ounces of butter a pinch of salt and all this black
pepper Its stewed up together and taken hot and its a nice thing for the
gout I should think«
There was something so natural and winning in Claras resigned way of
looking at these stores in detail as Herbert pointed them out and something
so confiding loving and innocent in her modest manner of yielding herself to
Herberts embracing arm and something so gentle in her so much needing
protection on Mill Pond Bank by Chinkss Basin and the Old Green Copper
RopeWalk with Old Barley growling in the beam that I would not have undone
the engagement between her and Herbert for all the money in the pocketbook I
had never opened
I was looking at her with pleasure and admiration when suddenly the growl
swelled into a roar again and a frightful bumping noise was heard above as if
a giant with a wooden leg were trying to bore it through the ceiling to come at
us Upon this Clara said to Herbert »Papa wants me darling« and ran away
»There is an unconscionable old shark for you« said Herbert »What do you
suppose he wants now Handel«
»I dont know« said I »Something to drink«
»Thats it« cried Herbert as if I had made a guess of extraordinary merit
»He keeps his grog readymixed in a little tub on the table Wait a moment and
youll hear Clara lift him up to take some There he goes« Another roar with
a prolonged shake at the end »Now« said Herbert as it was succeeded by
silence »hes drinking Now« said Herbert as the growl resounded in the beam
once more »hes down again on his back«
Clara returned soon afterwards and Herbert accompanied me upstairs to see
our charge As we passed Mr Barleys door he was heard hoarsely muttering
within in a strain that rose and fell like wind the following Refrain in
which I substitute good wishes for something quite the reverse
»Ahoy Bless your eyes heres old Bill Barley Heres old Bill Barley
bless your eyes Heres old Bill Barley on the flat of his back by the Lord
Lying on the flat of his back like a drifting old dead flounder heres your
old Bill Barley bless your eyes Ahoy Bless you«
In this strain of consolation Herbert informed me the invisible Barley
would commune with himself by the day and night together often while it was
light having at the same time one eye at a telescope which was fitted on his
bed for the convenience of sweeping the river
In his two cabin rooms at the top of the house which were fresh and airy
and in which Mr Barley was less audible than below I found Provis comfortably
settled He expressed no alarm and seemed to feel none that was worth
mentioning but it struck me that he was softened indefinably for I could not
have said how and could never afterwards recall how when I tried but
certainly
The opportunity that the days rest had given me for reflection had resulted
in my fully determining to say nothing to him respecting Compeyson For anything
I knew his animosity towards the man might otherwise lead to his seeking him
out and rushing on his own destruction Therefore when Herbert and I sat down
with him by his fire I asked him first of all whether he relied on Wemmicks
judgment and sources of information
»Ay ay dear boy« he answered with a grave nod »Jaggers knows«
»Then I have talked with Wemmick« said I »and have come to tell you what
caution he gave me and what advice«
This I did accurately with the reservation just mentioned and I told him
how Wemmick had heard in Newgate prison whether from officers or prisoners I
could not say that he was under some suspicion and that my chambers had been
watched how Wemmick had recommended his keeping close for a time and my
keeping away from him and what Wemmick had said about getting him abroad I
added that of course when the time came I should go with him or should
follow close upon him as might be safest in Wemmicks judgment What was to
follow that I did not touch upon neither indeed was I at all clear or
comfortable about it in my own mind now that I saw him in that softer
condition and in declared peril for my sake As to altering my way of living
by enlarging my expenses I put it to him whether in our present unsettled and
difficult circumstances it would not be simply ridiculous if it were no worse
He could not deny this and indeed was very reasonable throughout His
coming back was a venture he said and he had always known it to be a venture
He would do nothing to make it a desperate venture and he had very little fear
of his safety with such good help
Herbert who had been looking at the fire and pondering here said that
something had come into his thoughts arising out of Wemmicks suggestion which
it might be worth while to pursue »We are both good watermen Handel and could
take him down the river ourselves when the right time comes No boat would then
be hired for the purpose and no boatmen that would save at least a chance of
suspicion and any chance is worth saving Never mind the season dont you
think it might be a good thing if you began at once to keep a boat at the Temple
stairs and were in the habit of rowing up and down the river You fall into
that habit and then who notices or minds Do it twenty or fifty times and
there is nothing special in your doing it the twentyfirst or fiftyfirst«
I liked this scheme and Provis was quite elated by it We agreed that it
should be carried into execution and that Provis should never recognise us if
we came below Bridge and rowed past Mill Pond Bank But we further agreed that
he should pull down the blind in that part of his window which gave upon the
east whenever he saw us and all was right
Our conference being now ended and everything arranged I rose to go
remarking to Herbert that he and I had better not go home together and that I
would take half an hours start of him »I dont like to leave you here« I said
to Provis »though I cannot doubt your being safer here than near me Goodbye«
»Dear boy« he answered clasping my hands »I dont know when we may meet
again and I dont like Goodbye Say Good Night«
»Good night Herbert will go regularly between us and when the time comes
you may be certain I shall be ready Good night Good night«
We thought it best that he should stay in his own rooms and we left him on
the landing outside his door holding a light over the stairrail to light us
downstairs Looking back at him I thought of the first night of his return
when our positions were reversed and when I little supposed my heart could ever
be as heavy and anxious at parting from him as it was now
Old Barley was growling and swearing when we repassed his door with no
appearance of having ceased or of meaning to cease When we got to the foot of
the stairs I asked Herbert whether he had preserved the name of Provis He
replied certainly not and that the lodger was Mr Campbell He also explained
that the utmost known of Mr Campbell there was that he Herbert had Mr
Campbell consigned to him and felt a strong personal interest in his being well
cared for and living a secluded life So when we went into the parlour where
Mrs Whimple and Clara were seated at work I said nothing of my own interest in
Mr Campbell but kept it to myself
When I had taken leave of the pretty gentle darkeyed girl and of the
motherly woman who had not outlived her honest sympathy with a little affair of
true love I felt as if the Old Green Copper RopeWalk had grown quite a
different place Old Barley might be as old as the hills and might swear like a
whole field of troopers but there were redeeming youth and trust and hope
enough in Chinkss Basin to fill it to overflowing And then I thought of
Estella and of our parting and went home very sadly
All things were as quiet in the Temple as ever I had seen them The windows
of the rooms of that side lately occupied by Provis were dark and still and
there was no lounger in Gardencourt I walked past the fountain twice or thrice
before I descended the steps that were between me and my rooms but I was quite
alone Herbert coming to my bedside when he came in for I went straight to
bed dispirited and fatigued made the same report Opening one of the windows
after that he looked out into the moonlight and told me that the pavement was
as solemnly empty as the pavement of any Cathedral at that same hour
Next day I set myself to get the boat It was soon done and the boat was
brought round to the Temple stairs and lay where I could reach her within a
minute or two Then I began to go out as for training and practice sometimes
alone sometimes with Herbert I was often out in cold rain and sleet but
nobody took much note of me after I had been out a few times At first I kept
above Blackfriars Bridge but as the hours of the tide changed I took towards
London Bridge It was Old London Bridge in those days and at certain states of
the tide there was a race and a fall of water there which gave it a bad
reputation But I knew well enough how to shoot the bridge after seeing it done
and so began to row about among the shipping in the Pool and down to Erith The
first time I passed Mill Pond Bank Herbert and I were pulling a pair of oars
and both in going and returning we saw the blind towards the east come down
Herbert was rarely there less frequently than three times in a week and he
never brought me a single word of intelligence that was at all alarming Still
I knew that there was cause for alarm and I could not get rid of the notion of
being watched Once received it is a haunting idea how many undesigning
persons I suspected of watching me it would be hard to calculate
In short I was always full of fears for the rash man who was in hiding
Herbert had sometimes said to me that he found it pleasant to stand at one of
our windows after dark when the tide was running down and to think that it was
flowing with everything it bore towards Clara But I thought with dread that
it was flowing towards Magwitch and that any black mark on its surface might be
his pursuers going swiftly silently and surely to take him
Chapter XLVII
Some weeks passed without bringing any change We waited for Wemmick and he
made no sign If I had never known him out of Little Britain and had never
enjoyed the privilege of being on a familiar footing at the Castle I might have
doubted him not so for a moment knowing him as I did
My worldly affairs began to wear a gloomy appearance and I was pressed for
money by more than one creditor Even I myself began to know the want of money
I mean of ready money in my own pocket and to relieve it by converting some
easily spared articles of jewellery into cash But I had quite determined that
it would be a heartless fraud to take more money from my patron in the existing
state of my uncertain thoughts and plans Therefore I had sent him the unopened
pocketbook by Herbert to hold in his own keeping and I felt a kind of
satisfaction whether it was a false kind or a true I hardly know in not
having profited by his generosity since his revelation of himself
As the time wore on an impression settled heavily upon me that Estella was
married Fearful of having it confirmed though it was all but a conviction I
avoided the newspapers and begged Herbert to whom I had confided the
circumstances of our last interview never to speak of her to me Why I hoarded
up this last wretched little rag of the robe of hope that was rent and given to
the winds how do I know Why did you who read this commit that not dissimilar
inconsistency of your own last year last month last week
It was an unhappy life that I lived and its one dominant anxiety towering
over all its other anxieties like a high mountain above a range of mountains
never disappeared from my view Still no new cause for fear arose Let me start
from my bed as I would with the terror fresh upon me that he was discovered
let me sit listening as I would with dread for Herberts returning step at
night lest it should be fleeter than ordinary and winged with evil news for
all that and much more to like purpose the round of things went on Condemned
to inaction and a state of constant restlessness and suspense I rowed about in
my boat and waited waited waited as I best could
There were states of the tide when having been down the river I could not
get back through the eddychafed arches and starlings of Old London Bridge
then I left my boat at a wharf near the Custom House to be brought up
afterwards to the Temple stairs I was not averse to doing this as it served to
make me and my boat a commoner incident among the water people there From this
slight occasion sprang two meetings that I have now to tell of
One afternoon late in the month of February I came ashore at the wharf at
dusk I had pulled down as far as Greenwich with the ebb tide and had turned
with the tide It had been a fine bright day but had become foggy as the sun
dropped and I had had to feel my way back among the shipping pretty carefully
Both in going and returning I had seen the signal in his window All well
As it was a raw evening and I was cold I thought I would comfort myself
with dinner at once and as I had hours of dejection and solitude before me if I
went home to the Temple I thought I would afterwards go to the play The
theatre where Mr Wopsle had achieved his questionable triumph was in that
waterside neighbourhood it is nowhere now and to that theatre I resolved to
go I was aware that Mr Wopsle had not succeeded in reviving the Drama but on
the contrary had rather partaken of its decline He had been ominously heard
of through the playbills as a faithful Black in connexion with a little girl
of noble birth and a monkey And Herbert had seen him as a predatory Tartar of
comic propensities with a face like a red brick and an outrageous hat all over
bells
I dined at what Herbert and I used to call a Geographical chophouse where
there were maps of the world in porterpot rims on every halfyard of the
tablecloths and charts of gravy on every one of the knives to this day there
is scarcely a single chophouse within the Lord Mayors dominions which is not
Geographical and wore out the time in dozing over crumbs staring at gas and
baking in a hot blast of dinners Byandby I roused myself and went to the
play
There I found a virtuous boatswain in his Majestys service a most
excellent man though I could have wished his trousers not quite so tight in
some places and not quite so loose in others who knocked all the little mens
hats over their eyes though he was very generous and brave and who wouldnt
hear of anybodys paying taxes though he was very patriotic He had a bag of
money in his pocket like a pudding in the cloth and on that property married a
young person in bedfurniture with great rejoicings the whole population of
Portsmouth nine in number at the last Census turning out on the beach to rub
their own hands and shake everybody elses and sing »Fill fill« A certain
darkcomplexioned Swab however who wouldnt fill or do anything else that was
proposed to him and whose heart was openly stated by the boatswain to be as
black as his figurehead proposed to two other Swabs to get all mankind into
difficulties which was so effectually done the Swab family having considerable
political influence that it took half the evening to set things right and then
it was only brought about through an honest little grocer with a white hat
black gaiters and red nose getting into a clock with a gridiron and
listening and coming out and knocking everybody down from behind with the
gridiron whom he couldnt confute with what he had overheard This led to Mr
Wopsles who had never been heard of before coming in with a star and garter
on as a plenipotentiary of great power direct from the Admiralty to say that
the Swabs were all to go to prison on the spot and that he had brought the
boatswain down the Union Jack as a slight acknowledgment of his public
services The boatswain unmanned for the first time respectfully dried his
eyes on the Jack and then cheering up and addressing Mr Wopsle as Your Honour
solicited permission to take him by the fin Mr Wopsle conceding his fin with a
gracious dignity was immediately shoved into a dusty corner while everybody
danced a hornpipe and from that corner surveying the public with a
discontented eye became aware of me
The second piece was the last new grand comic Christmas pantomime in the
first scene of which it pained me to suspect that I detected Mr Wopsle with
red worsted legs under a highly magnified phosphoric countenance and a shock of
red curtainfringe for his hair engaged in the manufacture of thunderbolts in a
mine and displaying great cowardice when his gigantic master came home very
hoarse to dinner But he presently presented himself under worthier
circumstances for the Genius of Youthful Love being in want of assistance on
account of the parental brutality of an ignorant farmer who opposed the choice
of his daughters heart by purposely falling upon the object in a flour sack
out of the firstfloor window summoned a sententious Enchanter and he coming
up from the antipodes rather unsteadily after an apparently violent journey
proved to be Mr Wopsle in a highcrowned hat with a necromantic work in one
volume under his arm The business of this enchanter on earth being principally
to be talked at sung at butted at danced at and flashed at with fires of
various colours he had a good deal of time on his hands And I observed with
great surprise that he devoted it to staring in my direction as if he were lost
in amazement
There was something so remarkable in the increasing glare of Mr Wopsles
eye and he seemed to be turning so many things over in his mind and to grow so
confused that I could not make it out I sat thinking of it long after he had
ascended to the clouds in a large watchcase and still I could not make it out
I was still thinking of it when I came out of the theatre an hour afterwards
and found him waiting for me near the door
»How do you do« said I shaking hands with him as we turned down the street
together »I saw that you saw me«
»Saw you Mr Pip« he returned »Yes of course I saw you But who else was
there«
»Who else«
»It is the strangest thing« said Mr Wopsle drifting into his lost look
again »and yet I could swear to him«
Becoming alarmed I entreated Mr Wopsle to explain his meaning
»Whether I should have noticed him at first but for your being there« said
Mr Wopsle going on in the same lost way »I cant be positive yet I think I
should«
Involuntarily I looked round me as I was accustomed to look round me when I
went home for these mysterious words gave me a chill
»Oh He cant be in sight« said Mr Wopsle »He went out before I went
off I saw him go«
Having the reason that I had for being suspicious I even suspected this
poor actor I mistrusted a design to entrap me into some admission Therefore I
glanced at him as we walked on together but said nothing
»I had a ridiculous fancy that he must be with you Mr Pip till I saw that
you were quite unconscious of him sitting behind you there like a ghost«
My former chill crept over me again but I was resolved not to speak yet
for it was quite consistent with his words that he might be set on to induce me
to connect these references with Provis Of course I was perfectly sure and
safe that Provis had not been there
»I dare say you wonder at me Mr Pip indeed I see you do But it is so
very strange Youll hardly believe what I am going to tell you I could hardly
believe it myself if you told me«
»Indeed« said I
»No indeed Mr Pip you remember in old times a certain Christmas Day
when you were quite a child and I dined at Gargerys and some soldiers came to
the door to get a pair of handcuffs mended«
»I remember it very well«
»And you remember that there was a chase after two convicts and that we
joined in it and that Gargery took you on his back and that I took the lead
and you kept up with me as well as you could«
»I remember it all very well« Better than he thought except the last
clause
»And you remember that we came up with the two in a ditch and that there
was a scuffle between them and that one of them had been severely handled and
much mauled about the face by the other«
»I see it all before me«
»And that the soldiers lighted torches and put the two in the centre and
that we went on to see the last of them over the black marshes with the
torchlight shining on their faces I am particular about that with the
torchlight shining on their faces when there was an outer ring of dark night
all about us«
»Yes« said I »I remember all that«
»Then Mr Pip one of those two prisoners sat behind you tonight I saw
him over your shoulder«
»Steady« I thought I asked him then »Which of the two do you suppose you
saw«
»The one who had been mauled« he answered readily »and Ill swear I saw
him The more I think of him the more certain I am of him«
»This is very curious« said I with the best assumption I could put on of
its being nothing more to me »Very curious indeed«
I cannot exaggerate the enhanced disquiet into which this conversation threw
me or the special and peculiar terror I felt at Compeysons having been behind
me like a ghost For if he had ever been out of my thoughts for a few moments
together since the hiding had begun it was in those very moments when he was
closest to me and to think that I should be so unconscious and off my guard
after all my care was as if I had shut an avenue of a hundred doors to keep him
out and then had found him at my elbow I could not doubt either that he was
there because I was there and that however slight an appearance of danger
there might be about us danger was always near and active
I put such questions to Mr Wopsle as When did the man come in He could
not tell me that he saw me and over my shoulder he saw the man It was not
until he had seen him for some time that he began to identify him but he had
from the first vaguely associated him with me and known him as somehow
belonging to me in the old village time How was he dressed Prosperously but
not noticeably otherwise he thought in black Was his face at all disfigured
No he believed not I believed not too for although in my brooding state I
had taken no especial notice of the people behind me I thought it likely that a
face at all disfigured would have attracted my attention
When Mr Wopsle had imparted to me all that he could recall or I extract
and when I had treated him to a little appropriate refreshment after the
fatigues of the evening we parted It was between twelve and one oclock when I
reached the Temple and the gates were shut No one was near me when I went in
and went home
Herbert had come in and we held a very serious council by the fire But
there was nothing to be done saving to communicate to Wemmick what I had that
night found out and to remind him that we waited for his hint As I thought
that I might compromise him if I went too often to the Castle I made this
communication by letter I wrote it before I went to bed and went out and posted
it and again no one was near me Herbert and I agreed that we could do nothing
else but be very cautious And we were very cautious indeed more cautious than
before if that were possible and I for my part never went near Chinkss
Basin except when I rowed by and then I only looked at Mill Pond Bank as I
looked at anything else
Chapter XLVIII
The second of the two meetings referred to in the last chapter occurred about a
week after the first I had again left my boat at the wharf below Bridge the
time was an hour earlier in the afternoon and undecided where to dine I had
strolled up into Cheapside and was strolling along it surely the most
unsettled person in all the busy concourse when a large hand was laid upon my
shoulder by some one overtaking me It was Mr Jaggerss hand and he passed it
through my arm
»As we are going in the same direction Pip we may walk together Where are
you bound for«
»For the Temple I think« said I
»Dont you know« said Mr Jaggers
»Well« I returned glad for once to get the better of him in
crossexamination »I do not know for I have not made up my mind«
»You are going to dine« said Mr Jaggers »You dont mind admitting that I
suppose«
»No« I returned »I dont mind admitting that«
»And are not engaged«
»I dont mind admitting also that I am not engaged«
»Then« said Mr Jaggers »come and dine with me«
I was going to excuse myself when he added »Wemmicks coming« So I
changed my excuse into an acceptance the few words I had uttered serving for
the beginning of either and we went along Cheapside and slanted off to Little
Britain while the lights were springing up brilliantly in the shop windows and
the street lamplighters scarcely finding ground enough to plant their ladders
on in the midst of the afternoons bustle were skipping up and down and running
in and out opening more red eyes in the gathering fog than my rushlight tower
at the Hummums had opened white eyes in the ghostly wall
At the office in Little Britain there was the usual letterwriting
handwashing candlesnuffing and safelocking that closed the business of the
day As I stood idle by Mr Jaggerss fire its rising and falling flame made
the two casts on the shelf look as if they were playing a diabolical game at
bopeep with me while the pair of coarse fat office candles that dimly lighted
Mr Jaggers as he wrote in a corner were decorated with dirty windingsheets
as if in remembrance of a host of hanged clients
We went to Gerrardstreet all three together in a hackneycoach and as
soon as we got there dinner was served Although I should not have thought of
making in that place the most distant reference by so much as a look to
Wemmicks Walworth sentiments yet I should have had no objection to catching
his eye now and then in a friendly way But it was not to be done He turned his
eyes on Mr Jaggers whenever he raised them from the table and was as dry and
distant to me as if there were twin Wemmicks and this was the wrong one
»Did you send that note of Miss Havishams to Mr Pip Wemmick« Mr Jaggers
asked soon after we began dinner
»No sir« returned Wemmick »it was going by post when you brought Mr Pip
into the office Here it is« He handed it to his principal instead of to me
»Its a note of two lines Pip« said Mr Jaggers handing it on »sent up
to me by Miss Havisham on account of her not being sure of your address She
tells me that she wants to see you on a little matter of business you mentioned
to her Youll go down«
»Yes« said I casting my eyes over the note which was exactly in those
terms
»When do you think of going down«
»I have an impending engagement« said I glancing at Wemmick who was
putting fish into the postoffice »that renders me rather uncertain of my time
At once I think«
»If Mr Pip has the intention of going at once« said Wemmick to Mr
Jaggers »he neednt write an answer you know«
Receiving this as an intimation that it was best not to delay I settled
that I would go tomorrow and said so Wemmick drank a glass of wine and looked
with a grimly satisfied air at Mr Jaggers but not at me
»So Pip Our friend the Spider« said Mr Jaggers »has played his cards
He has won the pool«
It was as much as I could do to assent
»Hah He is a promising fellow in his way but he may not have it all his
own way The stronger will win in the end but the stronger has to be found out
first If he should turn to and beat her «
»Surely« I interrupted with a burning face and heart »you do not
seriously think that he is scoundrel enough for that Mr Jaggers«
»I didnt say so Pip I am putting a case If he should turn to and beat
her he may possibly get the strength on his side if it should be a question of
intellect he certainly will not It would be chance work to give an opinion how
a fellow of that sort will turn out in such circumstances because its a
tossup between two results«
»May I ask what they are«
»A fellow like our friend the Spider« answered Mr Jaggers »either beats
or cringes He may cringe and growl or cringe and not growl but he either
beats or cringes Ask Wemmick his opinion«
»Either beats or cringes« said Wemmick not at all addressing himself to
me
»So heres to Mrs Bentley Drummle« said Mr Jaggers taking a decanter of
choicer wine from his dumbwaiter and filling for each of us and for himself
»and may the question of supremacy be settled to the ladys satisfaction To the
satisfaction of the lady and the gentleman it never will be Now Molly Molly
Molly Molly how slow you are today«
She was at his elbow when he addressed her putting a dish upon the table
As she withdrew her hands from it she fell back a step or two nervously
muttering some excuse And a certain action of her fingers as she spoke arrested
my attention
»Whats the matter« said Mr Jaggers
»Nothing Only the subject we were speaking of« said I »was rather painful
to me«
The action of her fingers was like the action of knitting She stood looking
at her master not understanding whether she was free to go or whether he had
more to say to her and would call her back if she did go Her look was very
intent Surely I had seen exactly such eyes and such hands on a memorable
occasion very lately
He dismissed her and she glided out of the room But she remained before
me as plainly as if she were still there I looked at those hands I looked at
those eyes I looked at that flowing hair and I compared them with other hands
other eyes other hair that I knew of and with what those might be after
twenty years of a brutal husband and a stormy life I looked again at those
hands and eyes of the housekeeper and thought of the inexplicable feeling that
had come over me when I last walked not alone in the ruined garden and
through the deserted brewery I thought how the same feeling had come back when
I saw a face looking at me and a hand waving to me from a stagecoach window
and how it had come back again and had flashed about me like Lightning when I
had passed in a carriage not alone through a sudden glare of light in a dark
street I thought how one link of association had helped that identification in
the theatre and how such a link wanting before had been riveted for me now
when I had passed by a chance swift from Estellas name to the fingers with
their knitting action and the attentive eyes And I felt absolutely certain
that this woman was Estellas mother
Mr Jaggers had seen me with Estella and was not likely to have missed the
sentiments I had been at no pains to conceal He nodded when I said the subject
was painful to me clapped me on the back put round the wine again and went on
with his dinner
Only twice more did the housekeeper reappear and then her stay in the room
was very short and Mr Jaggers was sharp with her But her hands were Estellas
hands and her eyes were Estellas eyes and if she had reappeared a hundred
times I could have been neither more sure nor less sure that my conviction was
the truth
It was a dull evening for Wemmick drew his wine when it came round quite
as a matter of business just as he might have drawn his salary when that came
round and with his eyes on his chief sat in a state of perpetual readiness
for crossexamination As to the quantity of wine his postoffice was as
indifferent and ready as any other postoffice for its quantity of letters From
my point of view he was the wrong twin all the time and only externally like
the Wemmick of Walworth
We took our leave early and left together Even when we were groping among
Mr Jaggerss stock of boots for our hats I felt that the right twin was on his
way back and we had not gone half a dozen yards down Gerrardstreet in the
Walworth direction before I found that I was walking arminarm with the right
twin and that the wrong twin had evaporated into the evening air
»Well« said Wemmick »thats over Hes a wonderful man without his living
likeness but I feel that I have to screw myself up when I dine with him and I
dine more comfortably unscrewed«
I felt that this was a good statement of the case and told him so
»Wouldnt say it to anybody but yourself« he answered »I know that what is
said between you and me goes no further«
I asked him if he had ever seen Miss Havishams adopted daughter Mrs
Bentley Drummle He said no To avoid being too abrupt I then spoke of the
Aged and of Miss Skiffins He looked rather sly when I mentioned Miss Skiffins
and stopped in the street to blow his nose with a roll of the head and a
flourish not quite free from latent boastfulness
»Wemmick« said I »do you remember telling me before I first went to Mr
Jaggerss private house to notice that housekeeper«
»Did I« he replied »Ah I dare say I did Deuce take me« he added
sullenly »I know I did I find I am not quite unscrewed yet«
»A wild beast tamed you called her«
»And what did you call her«
»The same How did Mr Jaggers tame her Wemmick«
»Thats his secret She has been with him many a long year«
»I wish you would tell me her story I feel a particular interest in being
acquainted with it You know that what is said between you and me goes no
further«
»Well« Wemmick replied »I dont know her story that is I dont know all
of it But what I do know Ill tell you We are in our private and personal
capacities of course«
»Of course«
»A score or so of years ago that woman was tried at the Old Bailey for
murder and was acquitted She was a very handsome young woman and I believe had
some gipsy blood in her Anyhow it was hot enough when it was up as you may
suppose«
»But she was acquitted«
»Mr Jaggers was for her« pursued Wemmick with a look full of meaning
»and worked the case in a way quite astonishing It was a desperate case and it
was comparatively early days with him then and he worked it to general
admiration in fact it may almost be said to have made him He worked it
himself at the policeoffice day after day for many days contending against
even a committal and at the trial where he couldnt work it himself sat under
counsel and every one knew put in all the salt and pepper The murdered
person was a woman a woman a good ten years older very much larger and very
much stronger It was a case of jealousy They both led tramping lives and this
woman in Gerrardstreet here bad been married very young over the broomstick
as we say to a tramping man and was a perfect fury in point of jealousy The
murdered woman more a match for the man certainly in point of years was
found dead in a barn near Hounslow Heath There had been a violent struggle
perhaps a fight She was bruised and scratched and torn and had been held by
the throat at last and choked Now there was no reasonable evidence to
implicate any person but this woman and on the improbabilities of her having
been able to do it Mr Jaggers principally rested his case You may be sure«
said Wemmick touching me on the sleeve »that he never dwelt upon the strength
of her hands then though he sometimes does now«
I had told Wemmick of his showing us her wrists that day of the dinner
party
»Well sir« Wemmick went on »it happened happened dont you see that
this woman was so very artfully dressed from the time of her apprehension that
she looked much slighter than she really was in particular her sleeves are
always remembered to have been so skilfully contrived that her arms had quite a
delicate look She had only a bruise or two about her nothing for a tramp
but the backs of her hands were lacerated and the question was was it with
fingernails Now Mr Jaggers showed that she had struggled through a great lot
of brambles which were not as high as her face but which she could not have got
through and kept her hands out of and bits of those brambles were actually
found in her skin and put in evidence as well as the fact that the brambles in
question were found on examination to have been broken through and to have
little shreds of her dress and little spots of blood upon them here and there
But the boldest point he made was this It was attempted to be set up in proof
of her jealousy that she was under strong suspicion of having at about the
time of the murder frantically destroyed her child by this man some three
years old to revenge herself upon him Mr Jaggers worked that in this way
We say these are not marks of fingernails but marks of brambles and we show
you the brambles You say they are marks of fingernails and you set up the
hypothesis that she destroyed her child You must accept all consequences of
that hypothesis For anything we know she may have destroyed her child and the
child in clinging to her may have scratched her hands What then You are not
trying her for the murder of her child why dont you As to this case if you
will have scratches we say that for anything we know you may have accounted
for them assuming for the sake of argument that you have not invented them To
sum up sir« said Wemmick »Mr Jaggers was altogether too many for the Jury
and they gave in«
»Has she been in his service ever since«
»Yes but not only that« said Wemmick »she went into his service
immediately after her acquittal tamed as she is now She has since been taught
one thing and another in the way of her duties but she was tamed from the
beginning«
»Do you remember the sex of the child«
»Said to have been a girl«
»You have nothing more to say to me tonight«
»Nothing I got your letter and destroyed it Nothing«
We exchanged a cordial Good Night and I went home with new matter for my
thoughts though with no relief from the old
Chapter XLIX
Putting Miss Havishams note in my pocket that it might serve as my credentials
for so soon reappearing at Satis House in case her waywardness should lead her
to express any surprise at seeing me I went down again by the coach next day
But I alighted at the Halfway House and breakfasted there and walked the
rest of the distance for I sought to get into the town quietly by the
unfrequented ways and to leave it in the same manner
The best light of the day was gone when I passed along the quiet echoing
courts behind the Highstreet The nooks of ruin where the old monks had once
had their refectories and gardens and where the strong walls were now pressed
into the service of humble sheds and stables were almost as silent as the old
monks in their graves The cathedral chimes had at once a sadder and a more
remote sound to me as I hurried on avoiding observation than they had ever had
before so the swell of the old organ was borne to my ears like funeral music
and the rooks as they hovered about the grey tower and swung in the bare high
trees of the priorygarden seemed to call to me that the place was changed and
that Estella was gone out of it for ever
An elderly woman whom I had seen before as one of the servants who lived in
the supplementary house across the back courtyard opened the gate The lighted
candle stood in the dark passage within as of old and I took it up and
ascended the staircase alone Miss Havisham was not in her own room but was in
the larger room across the landing Looking in at the door after knocking in
vain I saw her sitting on the hearth in a ragged chair close before and lost
in the contemplation of the ashy fire
Doing as I had often done I went in and stood touching the old
chimneypiece where she could see me when she raised her eyes There was an air
of utter loneliness upon her that would have moved me to pity though she had
wilfully done me a deeper injury than I could charge her with As I stood
compassionating her and thinking how in the progress of time I too had come to
be a part of the wrecked fortunes of that house her eyes rested on me She
stared and said in a low voice »Is it real«
»It is I Pip Mr Jaggers gave me your note yesterday and I have lost no
time«
»Thank you Thank you«
As I brought another of the ragged chairs to the hearth and sat down I
remarked a new expression on her face as if she were afraid of me
»I want« she said »to pursue that subject you mentioned to me when you
were last here and to show you that I am not all stone But perhaps you can
never believe now that there is anything human in my heart«
When I said some reassuring words she stretched out her tremulous right
hand as though she was going to touch me but she recalled it again before I
understood the action or knew how to receive it
»You said speaking for your friend that you could tell me how to do
something useful and good Something that you would like done is it not«
»Something that I would like done very very much«
»What is it«
I began explaining to her that secret history of the partnership I had not
got far into it when I judged from her looks that she was thinking in a
discursive way of me rather than of what I said It seemed to be so for when
I stopped speaking many moments passed before she showed that she was conscious
of the fact
»Do you break off« she asked then with her former air of being afraid of
me »because you hate me too much to bear to speak to me«
»No no« I answered »how can you think so Miss Havisham I stopped
because I thought you were not following what I said«
»Perhaps I was not« she answered putting a hand to her head »Begin again
and let me look at something else Stay Now tell me«
She set her hand upon her stick in the resolute way that sometimes was
habitual to her and looked at the fire with a strong expression of forcing
herself to attend I went on with my explanation and told her how I had hoped
to complete the transaction out of my means but how in this I was disappointed
That part of the subject I reminded her involved matters which could form no
part of my explanation for they were the weighty secrets of another
»So« said she assenting with her head but not looking at me »And how
much money is wanting to complete the purchase«
I was rather afraid of stating it for it sounded a large sum »Nine hundred
pounds«
»If I give you the money for this purpose will you keep my secret as you
have kept your own«
»Quite as faithfully«
»And your mind will be more at rest«
»Much more at rest«
»Are you very unhappy now«
She asked this question still without looking at me but in an unwonted
tone of sympathy I could not reply at the moment for my voice foiled me She
put her left arm across the head of her stick and softly laid her forehead on
it
»I am far from happy Miss Havisham but I have other causes of disquiet
than any you know of They are the secrets I have mentioned«
After a little while she raised her head and looked at the fire again
»Tis noble in you to tell me that you have other causes of unhappiness Is
it true«
»Too true«
»Can I only serve you Pip by serving your friend Regarding that as done
is there nothing I can do for you yourself«
»Nothing I thank you for the question I thank you even more for the tone
of the question But there is nothing«
She presently rose from her seat and looked about the blighted room for the
means of writing There were none there and she took from her pocket a yellow
set of ivory tablets mounted in tarnished gold and wrote upon them with a
pencil in a case of tarnished gold that hung from her neck
»You are still on friendly terms with Mr Jaggers«
»Quite I dined with him yesterday«
»This is an authority to him to pay you that money to lay out at your
irresponsible discretion for your friend I keep no money here but if you would
rather Mr Jaggers knew nothing of the matter I will send it to you«
»Thank you Miss Havisham I have not the least objection to receiving it
from him«
She read me what she had written and it was direct and clear and evidently
intended to absolve me from any suspicion of profiting by the receipt of the
money I took the tablets from her hand and it trembled again and it trembled
more as she took off the chain to which the pencil was attached and put it in
mine All this she did without looking at me
»My name is on the first leaf If you can ever write under my name I
forgive her though ever so long after my broken heart is dust pray do it«
»O Miss Havisham« said I »I can do it now There have been sore mistakes
and my life has been a blind and thankless one and I want forgiveness and
direction far too much to be bitter with you«
She turned her face to me for the first time since she had averted it and
to my amazement I may even add to my terror dropped on her knees at my feet
with her folded hands raised to me in the manner in which when her poor heart
was young and fresh and whole they must often have been raised to Heaven from
her mothers side
To see her with her white hair and her worn face kneeling at my feet gave
me a shock through all my frame I entreated her to rise and got my arms about
her to help her up but she only pressed that hand of mine which was nearest to
her grasp and hung her head over it and wept I had never seen her shed a tear
before and in the hope that the relief might do her good I bent over her
without speaking She was not kneeling now but was down upon the ground
»O« she cried despairingly »What have I done What have I done«
»If you mean Miss Havisham what have you done to injure me let me answer
Very little I should have loved her under any circumstances Is she married«
»Yes«
It was a needless question for a new desolation in the desolate house had
told me so
»What have I done What have I done« She wrung her hands and crushed her
white hair and returned to this cry over and over again »What have I done«
I knew not how to answer or how to comfort her That she had done a
grievous thing in taking an impressionable child to mould into the form that her
wild resentment spurned affection and wounded pride found vengeance in I
knew full well But that in shutting out the light of day she had shut out
infinitely more that in seclusion she had secluded herself from a thousand
natural and healing influences that her mind brooding solitary had grown
diseased as all minds do and must and will that reverse the appointed order of
their Maker I knew equally well And could I look upon her without compassion
seeing her punishment in the ruin she was in her profound unfitness for this
earth on which she was placed in the vanity of sorrow which had become a master
mania like the vanity of penitence the vanity of remorse the vanity of
unworthiness and other monstrous vanities that have been curses in this world
»Until you spoke to her the other day and until I saw in you a
lookingglass that showed me what I once felt myself I did not know what I had
done What have I done What have I done« And so again twenty fifty times
over What had she done
»Miss Havisham« I said when her cry had died away »you may dismiss me
from your mind and conscience But Estella is a different case and if you can
ever undo any scrap of what you have done amiss in keeping a part of her right
nature away from her it will be better to do that than to bemoan the past
through a hundred years«
»Yes yes I know it But Pip my Dear« There was an earnest womanly
compassion for me in her new affection »My dear Believe this when she first
came to me I meant to save her from misery like my own At first I meant no
more«
»Well well« said I »I hope so«
»But as she grew and promised to be very beautiful I gradually did worse
and with my praises and with my jewels and with my teachings and with this
figure of myself always before her a warning to back and point my lessons I
stole her heart away and put ice in its place«
»Better« I could not help saying »to have left her a natural heart even
to be bruised or broken«
With that Miss Havisham looked distractedly at me for a while and then
burst out again What had she done
»If you knew all my story« she pleaded »you would have some compassion for
me and a better understanding of me«
»Miss Havisham« I answered as delicately as I could »I believe I may say
that I do know your story and have known it ever since I first left this
neighbourhood It has inspired me with great commiseration and I hope I
understand it and its influences Does what has passed between us give me any
excuse for asking you a question relative to Estella Not as she is but as she
was when she first came here«
She was seated on the ground with her arms on the ragged chair and her
head leaning on them She looked full at me when I said this and replied »Go
on«
»Whose child was Estella«
She shook her head
»You dont know«
She shook her head again
»But Mr Jaggers brought her here or sent her here«
»Brought her here«
»Will you tell me how that came about«
She answered in a low whisper and with caution »I had been shut up in these
rooms a long time I dont know how long you know what time the clocks keep
here when I told him that I wanted a little girl to rear and love and save
from my fate I had first seen him when I sent for him to lay this place waste
for me having read of him in the newspapers before I and the world parted He
told me that he would look about him for such an orphan child One night he
brought her here asleep and I called her Estella«
»Might I ask her age then«
»Two or three She herself knows nothing but that she was left an orphan
and I adopted her«
So convinced I was of that womans being her mother that I wanted no
evidence to establish the fact in my mind But to any mind I thought the
connection here was clear and straight
What more could I hope to do by prolonging the interview I had succeeded on
behalf of Herbert Miss Havisham had told me all she knew of Estella I had said
and done what I could to ease her mind No matter with what other words we
parted we parted
Twilight was closing in when I went downstairs into the natural air I
called to the woman who had opened the gate when I entered that I would not
trouble her just yet but would walk round the place before leaving For I had
a presentiment that I should never be there again and I felt that the dying
light was suited to my last view of it
By the wilderness of casks that I had walked on long ago and on which the
rain of years had fallen since rotting them in many places and leaving
miniature swamps and pools of water upon those that stood on end I made my way
to the ruined garden I went all round it round by the corner where Herbert and
I had fought our battle round by the paths where Estella and I had walked So
cold so lonely so dreary all
Taking the brewery on my way back I raised the rusty latch of a little door
at the garden end of it and walked through I was going out at the opposite
door not easy to open now for the damp wood had started and swelled and the
hinges were yielding and the threshold was encumbered with a growth of fungus
when I turned my head to look back A childish association revived with
wonderful force in the moment of the slight action and I fancied that I saw
Miss Havisham hanging to the beam So strong was the impression that I stood
under the beam shuddering from head to foot before I knew it was a fancy
though to be sure I was there in an instant
The mournfulness of the place and time and the great terror of this
illusion though it was but momentary caused me to feel an indescribable awe as
I came out between the open wooden gates where I had once wrung my hair after
Estella had wrung my heart Passing on into the front courtyard I hesitated
whether to call the woman to let me out at the locked gate of which she had the
key or first to go upstairs and assure myself that Miss Havisham was as safe
and well as I had left her I took the latter course and went up
I looked into the room where I had left her and I saw her seated in the
ragged chair upon the hearth close to the fire with her back towards me In the
moment when I was withdrawing my head to go quietly away I saw a great flaming
light spring up In the same moment I saw her running at me shrieking with a
whirl of fire blazing all about her and soaring at least as many feet above her
head as she was high
I had a doublecaped greatcoat on and over my arm another thick coat That
I got them off closed with her threw her down and got them over her that I
dragged the great cloth from the table for the same purpose and with it dragged
down the heap of rottenness in the midst and all the ugly things that sheltered
there that we were on the ground struggling like desperate enemies and that
the closer I covered her the more wildly she shrieked and tried to free
herself that this occurred I knew through the result but not through anything
I felt or thought or knew I did I knew nothing until I knew that we were on
the floor by the great table and that patches of tinder yet alight were
floating in the smoky air which a moment ago had been her faded bridal dress
Then I looked round and saw the disturbed beetles and spiders running away
over the floor and the servants coming in with breathless cries at the door I
still held her forcibly down with all my strength like a prisoner who might
escape and I doubt if I even knew who she was or why we had struggled or that
she had been in flames or that the flames were out until I saw the patches of
tinder that had been her garments no longer alight but falling in a black
shower around us
She was insensible and I was afraid to have her moved or even touched
Assistance was sent for and I held her until it came as if I unreasonably
fancied I think I did that if I let her go the fire would break out again and
consume her When I got up on the surgeons coming to her with other aid I was
astonished to see that both my hands were burnt for I had no knowledge of it
through the sense of feeling
On examination it was pronounced that she had received serious hurts but
that they of themselves were far from hopeless the danger lay mainly in the
nervous shock By the surgeons directions her bed was carried into that room
and laid upon the great table which happened to be well suited to the dressing
of her injuries When I saw her again an hour afterwards she lay indeed where
I had seen her strike her stick and had heard her say she would lie one day
Though every vestige of her dress was burnt as they told me she still had
something of her old ghastly bridal appearance for they had covered her to the
throat with whitecotton wool and as she lay with a white sheet loosely
overlying that the phantom air of something that had been and was changed was
still upon her
I found on questioning the servants that Estella was in Paris and I got a
promise from the surgeon that he would write by the next post Miss Havishams
family I took upon myself intending to communicate with Matthew Pocket only
and leave him to do as he liked about informing the rest This I did next day
through Herbert as soon as I returned to town
There was a stage that evening when she spoke collectedly of what had
happened though with a certain terrible vivacity Towards midnight she began to
wander in her speech and after that it gradually set in that she said
innumerable times in a low solemn voice »What have I done« And then »When she
first came I meant to save her from misery like mine« And then »Take the
pencil and write under my name I forgive her « She never changed the order of
these three sentences but she sometimes left out a word in one or other of
them never putting in another word but always leaving a blank and going on to
the next word
As I could do no service there and as I had nearer home that pressing
reason for anxiety and fear which even her wanderings could not drive out of my
mind I decided in the course of the night that I would return by the early
morning coach walking on a mile or so and being taken up clear of the town At
about six oclock of the morning therefore I leaned over her and touched her
lips with mine just as they said not stopping for being touched »Take the
pencil and write under my name I forgive her «
Chapter L
My hands had been dressed twice or thrice in the night and again in the
morning My left arm was a good deal burned to the elbow and less severely as
high as the shoulder it was very painful but the flames had set in that
direction and I felt thankful it was no worse My right hand was not so badly
burnt but that I could move the fingers It was bandaged of course but much
less inconveniently than my left hand and arm those I carried in a sling and I
could only wear my coat like a cloak loose over my shoulders and fastened at
the neck My hair had been caught by the fire but not my head or face
When Herbert had been down to Hammersmith and had seen his father he came
back to me at our chambers and devoted the day to attending on me He was the
kindest of nurses and at stated times took off the bandages and steeped them
in the cooling liquid that was kept ready and put them on again with a patient
tenderness that I was deeply grateful for
At first as I lay quiet on the sofa I found it painfully difficult I
might say impossible to get rid of the impression of the glare of the flames
their hurry and noise and the fierce burning smell If I dozed for a minute I
was awakened by Miss Havishams cries and by her running at me with all that
height of fire above her head This pain of the mind was much harder to strive
against than any bodily pain I suffered and Herbert seeing that did his
utmost to hold my attention engaged
Neither of us spoke of the boat but we both thought of it That was made
apparent by our avoidance of the subject and by our agreeing without
agreement to make my recovery of the use of my hands a question of so many
hours not of so many weeks
My first question when I saw Herbert had been of course whether all was
well down the river As he replied in the affirmative with perfect confidence
and cheerfulness we did not resume the subject until the day was wearing away
But then as Herbert changed the bandages more by the light of the fire than by
the outer light he went back to it spontaneously
»I sat with Provis last night Handel two good hours«
»Where was Clara«
»Dear little thing« said Herbert »She was up and down with Gruffandgrim
all the evening He was perpetually pegging at the floor the moment she left
his sight I doubt if he can hold out long though What with rum and pepper
and pepper and rum I should think his pegging must be nearly over«
»And then you will be married Herbert«
»How can I take care of the dear child otherwise Lay your arm out upon
the back of the sofa my dear boy and Ill sit down here and get the bandage
off so gradually that you shall not know when it comes I was speaking of
Provis Do you know Handel he improves«
»I said to you I thought he was softened when I last saw him«
»So you did And so he is He was very communicative last night and told me
more of his life You remember his breaking off here about some woman that he
had had great trouble with Did I hurt you«
I had started but not under his touch His words had given me a start
»I had forgotten that Herbert but I remember it now you speak of it«
»Well He went into that part of his life and a dark wild part it is Shall
I tell you Or would it worry you just now«
»Tell me by all means Every word«
Herbert bent forward to look at me more nearly as if my reply had been
rather more hurried or more eager than he could quite account for »Your head is
cool« he said touching it
»Quite« said I »Tell me what Provis said my dear Herbert«
»It seems« said Herbert » theres a bandage off most charmingly and now
comes the cool one makes you shrink at first my poor dear fellow dont it
but it will be comfortable presently it seems that the woman was a young
woman and a jealous woman and a revengeful woman revengeful Handel to the
last degree«
»To what last degree«
»Murder Does it strike too cold on that sensitive place«
»I dont feel it How did she murder Whom did she murder«
»Why the deed may not have merited quite so terrible a name« said Herbert
»but she was tried for it and Mr Jaggers defended her and the reputation of
that defence first made his name known to Provis It was another and a stronger
woman who was the victim and there had been a struggle in a barn Who began
it or how fair it was or how unfair may be doubtful but how it ended is
certainly not doubtful for the victim was found throttled«
»Was the woman brought in guilty«
»No she was acquitted My poor Handel I hurt you«
»It is impossible to be gentler Herbert Yes What else«
»This acquitted young woman and Provis had a little child a little child of
whom Provis was exceedingly fond On the evening of the very night when the
object of her jealousy was strangled as I tell you the young woman presented
herself before Provis for one moment and swore that she would destroy the child
which was in her possession and he should never see it again then she
vanished Theres the worst arm comfortably in the sling once more and now
there remains but the right hand which is a far easier job I can do it better
by this light than by a stronger for my hand is steadiest when I dont see the
poor blistered patches too distinctly You dont think your breathing is
affected my dear boy You seem to breathe quickly«
»Perhaps I do Herbert Did the woman keep her oath«
»There comes the darkest part of Proviss life She did«
»That is he says she did«
»Why of course my dear boy« returned Herbert in a tone of surprise and
again bending forward to get a nearer look at me »He says it all I have no
other information«
»No to be sure«
»Now whether« pursued Herbert »he had used the childs mother ill or
whether he had used the childs mother well Provis doesnt say but she had
shared some four or five years of the wretched life he described to us at this
fireside and he seems to have felt pity for her and forbearance towards her
Therefore fearing he should be called upon to depose about this destroyed
child and so be the cause of her death he hid himself much as he grieved for
the child kept himself dark as he says out of the way and out of the trial
and was only vaguely talked of as a certain man called Abel out of whom the
jealousy arose After the acquittal she disappeared and thus he lost the child
and the childs mother«
»I want to ask «
»A moment my dear boy and I have done That evil genius Compeyson the
worst of scoundrels among many scoundrels knowing of his keeping out of the way
at that time and of his reasons for doing so of course afterwards held the
knowledge over his head as a means of keeping him poorer and working him
harder It was clear last night that this barbed the point of Proviss
animosity«
»I want to know« said I »and particularly Herbert whether he told you
when this happened«
»Particularly Let me remember then what he said as to that His
expression was a round score o year ago and amost directly after I took up
wi Compeyson How old were you when you came upon him in the little
churchyard«
»I think in my seventh year«
»Ay It had happened some three or four years then he said and you brought
into his mind the little girl so tragically lost who would have been about your
age«
»Herbert« said I after a short silence in a hurried way »can you see me
best by the light of the window or the light of the fire«
»By the firelight« answered Herbert coming close again
»Look at me«
»I do look at you my dear boy«
»Touch me«
»I do touch you my dear boy«
»You are not afraid that I am in any fever or that my head is much
disordered by the accident of last night«
»Nno my dear boy« said Herbert after taking time to examine me »You are
rather excited but you are quite yourself«
»I know I am quite myself And the man we have in hiding down the river is
Estellas Father«
Chapter LI
What purpose I had in view when I was hot on tracing out and proving Estellas
parentage I cannot say It will presently be seen that the question was not
before me in a distinct shape until it was put before me by a wiser head than
my own
But when Herbert and I had held our momentous conversation I was seized
with a feverish conviction that I ought to hunt the matter down that I ought
not to let it rest but that I ought to see Mr Jaggers and come at the bare
truth I really do not know whether I felt that I did this for Estellas sake
or whether I was glad to transfer to the man in whose preservation I was so much
concerned some rays of the romantic interest that had so long surrounded me
Perhaps the latter possibility may be the nearer to the truth
Any way I could scarcely be withheld from going out to Gerrardstreet that
night Herberts representations that if I did I should probably be laid up and
stricken useless when our fugitives safety would depend upon me alone
restrained my impatience On the understanding again and again reiterated that
come what would I was to go to Mr Jaggers tomorrow I at length submitted to
keep quiet and to have my hurts looked after and to stay at home Early next
morning we went out together and at the corner of Giltspurstreet by
Smithfield I left Herbert to go his way into the City and took my way to
Little Britain
There were periodical occasions when Mr Jaggers and Mr Wemmick went over
the office accounts and checked off the vouchers and put all things straight
On these occasions Wemmick took his books and papers into Mr Jaggerss room
and one of the upstairs clerks came down into the outer office Finding such
clerk on Wemmicks post that morning I knew what was going on but I was not
sorry to have Mr Jaggers and Wemmick together as Wemmick would then hear for
himself that I said nothing to compromise him
My appearance with my arm bandaged and my coat loose over my shoulders
favoured my object Although I had sent Mr Jaggers a brief account of the
accident as soon as I had arrived in town yet I had to give him all the details
now and the specialty of the occasion caused our talk to be less dry and hard
and less strictly regulated by the rules of evidence than it had been before
White I described the disaster Mr Jaggers stood according to his wont before
the fire Wemmick leaned back in his chair staring at me with his hands in the
pockets of his trousers and his pen put horizontally into the post The two
brutal casts always inseparable in my mind from the official proceedings
seemed to be congestively considering whether they didnt smell fire at the
present moment
My narrative finished and their questions exhausted I then produced Miss
Havishams authority to receive the nine hundred pounds for Herbert Mr
Jaggerss eyes retired a little deeper into his head when I handed him the
tablets but he presently handed them over to Wemmick with instructions to draw
the cheque for his signature While that was in course of being done I looked
on at Wemmick as he wrote and Mr Jaggers poising and swaying himself on his
wellpolished boots looked on at me »I am sorry Pip« said he as I put the
cheque in my pocket when he had signed it »that we do nothing for you«
»Miss Havisham was good enough to ask me« I returned »whether she could do
nothing for me and I told her No«
»Everybody should know his own business« said Mr Jaggers And I saw
Wemmicks lips form the words portable property
»I should not have told her No if I had been you« said Mr Jaggers »but
every man ought to know his own business best«
»Every mans business« said Wemmick rather reproachfully towards me »is
portable property «
As I thought the time was now come for pursuing the theme I had at heart I
said turning on Mr Jaggers
»I did ask something of Miss Havisham however sir I asked her to give me
some information relative to her adopted daughter and she gave me all she
possessed«
»Did she« said Mr Jaggers bending forward to look at his boots and then
straightening himself »Hah I dont think I should have done so if I had been
Miss Havisham But she ought to know her own business best«
»I know more of the history of Miss Havishams adopted child than Miss
Havisham herself does sir I know her mother«
Mr Jaggers looked at me inquiringly and repeated »Mother«
»I have seen her mother within these three days«
»Yes« said Mr Jaggers
»And so have you sir And you have seen her still more recently«
»Yes« said Mr Jaggers
»Perhaps I know more of Estellas history than even you do« said I »I
know her father too«
A certain stop that Mr Jaggers came to in his manner he was too
selfpossessed to change his manner but he could not help its being brought to
an indefinably attentive stop assured me that he did not know who her father
was This I had strongly suspected from Proviss account as Herbert had
repeated it of his having kept himself dark which I pieced on to the fact that
he himself was not Mr Jaggerss client until some four years later and when he
could have no reason for claiming his identity But I could not be sure of this
unconsciousness on Mr Jaggerss part before though I was quite sure of it now
»So You know the young ladys father Pip« said Mr Jaggers
»Yes« I replied »and his name is Provis from New South Wales«
Even Mr Jaggers started when I said those words It was the slightest start
that could escape a man the most carefully repressed and the sooner checked
but he did start though he made it a part of the action of taking out his
pockethandkerchief How Wemmick received the announcement I am unable to say
for I was afraid to look at him just then lest Mr Jaggerss sharpness should
detect that there had been some communication unknown to him between us
»And on what evidence Pip« asked Mr Jaggers very coolly as he paused
with his handkerchief halfway to his nose »does Provis make this claim«
»He does not make it« said I »and has never made it and has no knowledge
or belief that his daughter is in existence«
For once the powerful pockethandkerchief failed My reply was so
unexpected that Mr Jaggers put the handkerchief back into his pocket without
completing the usual performance folded his arms and looked with stern
attention at me though with an immovable face
Then I told him all I knew and how I knew it with the one reservation that
I left him to infer that I knew from Miss Havisham what I in fact knew from
Wemmick I was very careful indeed as to that Nor did I look towards Wemmick
until I had finished all I had to tell and had been for some time silently
meeting Mr Jaggerss look When I did at last turn my eyes in Wemmicks
direction I found that he had unposted his pen and was intent upon the table
before him
»Hah« said Mr Jaggers at last as he moved towards the papers on the
table » What item was it you were at Wemmick when Mr Pip came in«
But I could not submit to be thrown off in that way and I made a
passionate almost an indignant appeal to him to be more frank and manly with
me I reminded him of the false hopes into which I had lapsed the length of
time they had lasted and the discovery I had made and I hinted at the danger
that weighed upon my spirits I represented myself as being surely worthy of
some little confidence from him in return for the confidence I had just now
imparted I said that I did not blame him or suspect him or mistrust him but
I wanted assurance of the truth from him And if he asked me why I wanted it and
why I thought I had any right to it I would tell him little as he cared for
such poor dreams that I had loved Estella dearly and long and that although I
had lost her and must live a bereaved life whatever concerned her was still
nearer and dearer to me than anything else in the world And seeing that Mr
Jaggers stood quite still and silent and apparently quite obdurate under this
appeal I turned to Wemmick and said »Wemmick I know you to be a man with a
gentle heart I have seen your pleasant home and your old father and all the
innocent cheerful playful ways with which you refresh your business life And I
entreat you to say a word for me to Mr Jaggers and to represent to him that
all circumstances considered he ought to be more open with me«
I have never seen two men look more oddly at one another than Mr Jaggers
and Wemmick did after this apostrophe At first a misgiving crossed me that
Wemmick would be instantly dismissed from his employment but it melted as I
saw Mr Jaggers relax into something like a smile and Wemmick become bolder
»Whats all this« said Mr Jaggers »You with an old father and you with
pleasant and playful ways«
»Well« returned Wemmick »If I dont bring em here what does it matter«
»Pip« said Mr Jaggers laying his hand upon my arm and smiling openly
»this man must be the most cunning impostor in all London«
»Not a bit of it« returned Wemmick growing bolder and bolder »I think
youre another«
Again they exchanged their former odd looks each apparently still
distrustful that the other was taking him in
»You with a pleasant home« said Mr Jaggers
»Since it dont interfere with business« returned Wemmick »let it be so
Now I look at you sir I shouldnt wonder if you might be planning and
contriving to have a pleasant home of your own one of these days when youre
tired of all this work«
Mr Jaggers nodded his head retrospectively two or three times and actually
drew a sigh »Pip« said he »we wont talk about poor dreams you know more
about such things than I having much fresher experience of that kind But now
about this other matter Ill put a case to you Mind I admit nothing«
He waited for me to declare that I quite understood that he expressly said
that he admitted nothing
»Now Pip« said Mr Jaggers »put this case Put the case that a woman
under such circumstances as you have mentioned held her child concealed and
was obliged to communicate the fact to her legal adviser on his representing to
her that he must know with an eye to the latitude of his defence how the fact
stood about that child Put the case that at the same time he held a trust to
find a child for an eccentric rich lady to adopt and bring up«
»I follow you sir«
»Put the case that he lived in an atmosphere of evil and that all he saw of
children was their being generated in great numbers for certain destruction
Put the case that he often saw children solemnly tried at a criminal bar where
they were held up to be seen put the case that he habitually knew of their
being imprisoned whipped transported neglected cast out qualified in all
ways for the hangman and growing up to be hanged Put the case that pretty nigh
all the children he saw in his daily business life he had reason to look upon
as so much spawn to develop into the fish that were to come to his net to be
prosecuted defended forsworn made orphans bedevilled somehow«
»I follow you sir«
»Put the case Pip that here was one pretty little child out of the heap
who could be saved whom the father believed dead and dared make no stir about
as to whom over the mother the legal adviser had this power I know what you
did and how you did it You came so and so you did such and such things to
divert suspicion I have tracked you through it all and I tell it you all Part
with the child unless it should be necessary to produce it to clear you and
then it shall be produced Give the child into my hands and I will do my best
to bring you off If you are saved your child will be saved too if you are
lost your child is still saved Put the case that this was done and that the
women was cleared«
»I understand you perfectly«
»But that I make no admissions«
»That you make no admissions« And Wemmick repeated »No admissions«
»Put the case Pip that passion and the terror of death had a little shaken
the womans intellects and that when she was set at liberty she was scared out
of the ways of the world and went to him to be sheltered Put the case that he
took her in and that he kept down the old wild violent nature whenever he saw
an inkling of its breaking out by asserting his power over her in the old way
Do you comprehend the imaginary case«
»Quite«
»Put the case that the child grew up and was married for money That the
mother was still living That the father was still living That the mother and
father unknown to one another were dwelling within so many miles furlongs
yards if you like of one another That the secret was still a secret except
that you had got wind of it Put that last case to yourself very carefully«
»I do«
»I ask Wemmick to put it to himself very carefully«
And Wemmick said »I do«
»For whose sake would you reveal the secret For the fathers I think he
would not be much the better for the mother For the mothers I think if she
had done such a deed she would be safer where she was For the daughters I
think it would hardly serve her to establish her parentage for the information
of her husband and to drag her back to disgrace after an escape of twenty
years pretty secure to last for life But add the case that you had loved her
Pip and had made her the subject of those poor dreams which have at one time
or another been in the heads of more men than you think likely then I tell you
that you had better and would much sooner when you had thought well of it
chop off that bandaged left hand of yours with your bandaged right hand and
then pass the chopper on to Wemmick there to cut that off too«
I looked at Wemmick whose face was very grave He gravely touched his lips
with his forefinger I did the same Mr Jaggers did the same »Now Wemmick«
said the latter then resuming his usual manner »what item was it you were at
when Mr Pip came in«
Standing by for a little while they were at work I observed that the odd
looks they had cast at one another were repeated several times with this
difference now that each of them seemed suspicious not to say conscious of
having shown himself in a weak and unprofessional light to the other For this
reason I suppose they were now inflexible with one another Mr Jaggers being
highly dictatorial and Wemmick obstinately justifying himself whenever there
was the smallest point in abeyance for a moment I had never seen them on such
ill terms for generally they got on very well indeed together
But they were both happily relieved by the opportune appearance of Mike
the client with the fur cap and the habit of wiping his nose on his sleeve
whom I had seen on the very first day of my appearance within those walls This
individual who either in his own person or in that of some member of his
family seemed to be always in trouble which in that place meant Newgate
called to announce that his eldest daughter was taken up on suspicion of
shoplifting As he imparted this melancholy circumstance to Wemmick Mr
Jaggers standing magisterially before the fire and taking no share in the
proceedings Mikes eye happened to twinkle with a tear
»What are you about« demanded Wemmick with the utmost indignation »What
do you come snivelling here for«
»I didnt go to do it Mr Wemmick«
»You did« said Wemmick »How dare you Youre not in a fit state to come
here if you cant come here without spluttering like a bad pen What do you
mean by it«
»A man cant help his feelings Mr Wemmick« pleaded Mike
»His what« demanded Wemmick quite savagely »Say that again«
»Now look here my man« said Mr Jaggers advancing a step and pointing to
the door »Get out of this office Ill have no feelings here Get out«
»It serves you right« said Wemmick »Get out«
So the unfortunate Mike very humbly withdrew and Mr Jaggers and Wemmick
appeared to have reestablished their good understanding and went to work again
with an air of refreshment upon them as if they had just had lunch
Chapter LII
From Little Britain I went with my cheque in my pocket to Miss Skiffinss
brother the accountant and Miss Skiffinss brother the accountant going
straight to Clarrikers and bringing Clarriker to me I had the great
satisfaction of concluding that arrangement It was the only good thing I had
done and the only completed thing I had done since I was first apprised of my
great expectations
Clarriker informing me on that occasion that the affairs of the House were
steadily progressing that he would now be able to establish a small
branchhouse in the East which was much wanted for the extension of the
business and that Herbert in his new partnership capacity would go out and take
charge of it I found that I must have prepared for a separation from my friend
even though my own affairs had been more settled And now indeed I felt as if my
last anchor were loosening its hold and I should soon be driving with the winds
and waves
But there was recompense in the joy with which Herbert would come home of a
night and tell me of these changes little imagining that he told me no news
and would sketch airy pictures of himself conducting Clara Barley to the land of
the Arabian Nights and of me going out to join them with a caravan of camels
I believe and of our all going up the Nile and seeing wonders Without being
sanguine as to my own part in those bright plans I felt that Herberts way was
clearing fast and that old Bill Barley had but to stick to his pepper and rum
and his daughter would soon be happily provided for
We had now got into the month of March My left arm though it presented no
bad symptoms took in the natural course so long to heal that I was still unable
to get a coat on My right arm was tolerably restored disfigured but fairly
serviceable
On a Monday morning when Herbert and I were at breakfast I received the
following letter from Wemmick by the post
»Walworth Burn this as soon as read Early in the week or say
Wednesday you might do what you know of if you felt disposed to try
it Now burn«
When I had shown this to Herbert and had put it in the fire but not before we
had both got it by heart we considered what to do For of course my being
disabled could now be no longer kept out of view
»I have thought it over again and again« said Herbert »and I think I know
a better course than taking a Thames waterman Take Startop A good fellow a
skilled hand fond of us and enthusiastic and honourable«
I had thought of him more than once
»But how much would you tell him Herbert«
»It is necessary to tell him very little Let him suppose it a mere freak
but a secret one until the morning comes then let him know that there is
urgent reason for your getting Provis aboard and away You go with him«
»No doubt«
»Where«
It had seemed to me in the many anxious considerations I had given the
point almost indifferent what port we made for Hamburg Rotterdam Antwerp
the place signified little so that he was out of England Any foreign steamer
that fell in our way and would take us up would do I had always proposed to
myself to get him well down the river in the boat certainly well beyond
Gravesend which was a critical place for search or inquiry if suspicion were
afoot As foreign steamers would leave London at about the time of highwater
our plan would be to get down the river by a previous ebbtide and lie by in
some quiet spot until we could pull off to one The time when one would be due
where we lay wherever that might be could be calculated pretty nearly if we
made inquiries beforehand
Herbert assented to all this and we went out immediately after breakfast to
pursue our investigations We found that a steamer for Hamburg was likely to
suit our purpose best and we directed our thoughts chiefly to that vessel But
we noted down what other foreign steamers would leave London with the same tide
and we satisfied ourselves that we knew the build and colour of each We then
separated for a few hours I to get at once such passports as were necessary
Herbert to see Startop at his lodgings We both did what we had to do without
any hindrance and when we met again at one oclock reported it done I for my
part was prepared with passports Herbert had seen Startop and he was more
than ready to join
Those two would pull a pair of oars we settled and I would steer our
charge would be sitter and keep quiet as speed was not our object we should
make way enough We arranged that Herbert should not come home to dinner before
going to Mill Pond Bank that evening that he should not go there at all
tomorrow evening Tuesday that he should prepare Provis to come down to some
Stairs hard by the house on Wednesday when he saw us approach and not sooner
that all the arrangements with him should be concluded that Monday night and
that he should be communicated with no more in any way until we took him on
board
These precautions well understood by both of us I went home
On opening the outer door of our chambers with my key I found a letter in
the box directed to me a very dirty letter though not illwritten It had
been delivered by hand of course since I left home and its contents were
these
»If you are not afraid to come to the old marshes tonight or tomorrow
night at Nine and to come to the little sluicehouse by the limekiln
you had better come If you want information regarding your uncle
Provis you had much better come and tell no one and lose no time You
must come alone Bring this with you«
I had had load enough upon my mind before the receipt of this strange letter
What to do now I could not tell And the worst was that I must decide quickly
or I should miss the afternoon coach which would take me down in time for
tonight Tomorrow night I could not think of going for it would be too close
upon the time of flight And again for anything I knew the proffered
information might have some important bearing on the flight itself
If I had had ample time for consideration I believe I should still have
gone Having hardly any time for consideration my watch showing me that the
coach started within half an hour I resolved to go I should certainly not
have gone but for the reference to my Uncle Provis That coming on Wemmicks
letter and the mornings busy preparation turned the scale
It is so difficult to become clearly possessed of the contents of almost any
letter in a violent hurry that I had to read this mysterious epistle again
twice before its injunction to me to be secret got mechanically into my mind
Yielding to it in the same mechanical kind of way I left a note in pencil for
Herbert telling him that as I should be so soon going away I knew not for how
long I had decided to hurry down and back to ascertain for myself how Miss
Havisham was faring I had then barely time to get my greatcoat lock up the
chambers and make for the coachoffice by the short byways If I had taken a
hackneychariot and gone by the streets I should have missed my aim going as I
did I caught the coach just as it came out of the yard I was the only inside
passenger jolting away kneedeep in straw when I came to myself
For I really had not been myself since the receipt of the letter it had so
bewildered me ensuing on the hurry of the morning The morning hurry and
flutter had been great for long and anxiously as I had waited for Wemmick his
hint had come like a surprise at last And now I began to wonder at myself for
being in the coach and to doubt whether I had sufficient reason for being
there and to consider whether I should get out presently and go back and to
argue against ever heeding an anonymous communication and in short to pass
through all those phases of contradiction and indecision to which I suppose very
few hurried people are strangers Still the reference to Provis by name
mastered everything I reasoned as I had reasoned already without knowing it
if that be reasoning in case any harm should befall him through my not going
how could I ever forgive myself
It was dark before we got down and the journey seemed long and dreary to me
who could see little of it inside and who could not go outside in my disabled
state Avoiding the Blue Boar I put up at an inn of minor reputation down the
town and ordered some dinner While it was preparing I went to Satis House and
inquired for Miss Havisham she was still very ill though considered something
better
My inn had once been a part of an ancient ecclesiastical house and I dined
in a little octagonal commonroom like a font As I was not able to cut my
dinner the old landlord with a shining bald head did it for me This bringing
us into conversation he was so good as to entertain me with my own story of
course with the popular feature that Pumblechook was my earliest benefactor and
the founder of my fortunes
»Do you know the young man« said I
»Know him« repeated the landlord »Ever since he was no height at all«
»Does he ever come back to this neighbourhood«
»Ay he comes back« said the landlord »to his great friends now and
again and gives the cold shoulder to the man that made him«
»What man is that«
»Him that I speak of« said the landlord »Mr Pumblechook«
»Is he ungrateful to no one else«
»No doubt he would be if he could« returned the landlord »but he cant
And why Because Pumblechook done everything for him«
»Does Pumblechook say so«
»Say so« replied the landlord »He hant no call to say so«
»But does he say so«
»It would turn a mans blood to white wine winegar to hear him tell of it
sir« said the landlord
I thought »Yet Joe dear Joe you never tell of it Longsuffering and
loving Joe you never complaint Nor you sweettempered Biddy«
»Your appetites been touched like by your accident« said the landlord
glancing at the bandaged arm under my coat »Try a tenderer bit«
»No thank you« I replied turning from the table to brood over the fire
»I can eat no more Please take it away«
I had never been struck at so keenly for my thanklessness to Joe as
through the brazen impostor Pumblechook The falser he the truer Joe the
meaner he the nobler Joe
My heart was deeply and most deservedly humbled as I mused over the fire for
an hour or more The striking of the clock aroused me but not from my dejection
or remorse and I got up and had my coat fastened round my neck and went out I
had previously sought in my pockets for the letter that I might refer to it
again but I could not find it and was uneasy to think that it must have been
dropped in the straw of the coach I knew very well however that the appointed
place was the little sluicehouse by the limekiln on the marshes and the hour
nine Towards the marshes I now went straight having no time to spare
Chapter LIII
It was a dark night though the full moon rose as I left the enclosed lands and
passed out upon the marshes Beyond their dark line there was a ribbon of clear
sky hardly broad enough to hold the red large moon In a few minutes she had
ascended out of that clear field in among the piled mountains of cloud
There was a melancholy wind and the marshes were very dismal A stranger
would have found them insupportable and even to me they were so oppressive that
I hesitated half inclined to go back But I knew them and could have found my
way on a far darker night and had no excuse for returning being there So
having come there against my inclination I went on against it
The direction that I took was not that in which my old home lay nor that
in which we had pursued the convicts My back was turned towards the distant
Hulks as I walked on and though I could see the old lights away on the spits
of sand I saw them over my shoulder I knew the limekiln as well as I knew the
old Battery but they were miles apart so that if a light had been burning at
each point that night there would have been a long strip of the blank horizon
between the two bright specks
At first I had to shut some gates after me and now and then to stand still
while the cattle that were lying in the bankedup pathway arose and blundered
down among the grass and reeds But after a little while I seemed to have the
whole flats to myself
It was another halfhour before I drew near to the kiln The lime was
burning with a sluggish stifling smell but the fires were made up and left and
no workmen were visible Hard by was a small stone quarry It lay directly in my
way and had been worked that day as I saw by the tools and barrows that were
lying about
Coming up again to the marsh level out of this excavation for the rude
path lay through it I saw a light in the old sluicehouse I quickened my
pace and knocked at the door with my hand Waiting for some reply I looked
about me noticing how the sluice was abandoned and broken and how the house
of wood with a tiled roof would not be proof against the weather much longer
if it were so even now and how the mud and ooze were coated with lime and how
the choking vapour of the kiln crept in a ghostly way towards me Still there
was no answer and I knocked again No answer still and I tried the latch
It rose under my hand and the door yielded Looking in I saw a lighted
candle on a table a bench and a mattress on a truckle bedstead As there was a
loft above I called »Is there any one here« but no voice answered Then I
looked at my watch and finding that it was past nine called again »Is there
any one here« There being still no answer I went out at the door irresolute
what to do
It was beginning to rain fast Seeing nothing save what I had seen already
I turned back into the house and stood just within the shelter of the doorway
looking out into the night While I was considering that some one must have been
there lately and must soon be coming back or the candle would not be burning
it came into my head to look if the wick were long I turned round to do so and
had taken up the candle in my hand when it was extinguished by some violent
shock and the next thing I comprehended was that I had been caught in a strong
running noose thrown over my head from behind
»Now« said a suppressed voice with an oath »Ive got you«
»What is this« I cried struggling »Who is it Help help help«
Not only were my arms pulled close to my sides but the pressure on my bad
arm caused me exquisite pain Sometimes a strong mans hand sometimes a strong
mans breast was set against my mouth to deaden my cries and with a hot breath
always close to me I struggled ineffectually in the dark while I was fastened
tight to the wall »And now« said the suppressed voice with another oath »call
out again and Ill make short work of you«
Faint and sick with the pain of my injured arm bewildered by the surprise
and yet conscious how easily this threat could be put in execution I desisted
and tried to ease my arm were it ever so little But it was bound too tight for
that I felt as if having been burnt before it were now being boiled
The sudden exclusion of the night and the substitution of black darkness in
its place warned me that the man had closed a shutter After groping about for
a little he found the flint and steel he wanted and began to strike a light I
strained my sight upon the sparks that fell among the tinder and upon which he
breathed and breathed match in hand but I could only see his lips and the
blue point of the match even those but fitfully The tinder was damp no
wonder there and one after another the sparks died out
The man was in no hurry and struck again with the flint and steel As the
sparks fell thick and bright about him I could see his hands and touches of his
face and could make out that he was seated and bending over the table but
nothing more Presently I saw his blue lips again breathing on the tinder and
then a flare of light flashed up and showed me Orlick
Whom I had looked for I dont know I had not looked for him Seeing him I
felt that I was in a dangerous strait indeed and I kept my eyes upon him
He lighted the candle from the flaring match with great deliberation and
dropped the match and trod it out Then he put the candle away from him on the
table so that he could see me and sat with his arms folded on the table and
looked at me I made out that I was fastened to a stout perpendicular ladder a
few inches from the wall a fixture there the means of ascent to the loft
above
»Now« said he when we had surveyed one another for some time »Ive got
you«
»Unbind me Let me go«
»Ah« he returned »Ill let you go Ill let you go to the moon Ill let
you go to the stars All in good time«
»Why have you lured me here«
»Dont you know« said he with a deadly look
»Why have you set upon me in the dark«
»Because I mean to do it all myself One keeps a secret better than two Oh
you enemy you enemy«
His enjoyment of the spectacle I furnished as he sat with his arms folded
on the table shaking his head at me and hugging himself had a malignity in it
that made me tremble As I watched him in silence he put his hand into the
corner at his side and took up a gun with a brassbound stock
»Do you know this« said he making as if he would take aim at me »Do you
know where you saw it afore Speak wolf«
»Yes« I answered
»You cost me that place You did Speak«
»What else could I do«
»You did that and that would be enough without more How dared you come
betwixt me and a young woman I liked«
»When did I«
»When didnt you It was you as always give Old Orlick a bad name to her«
»You gave it to yourself you gained it for yourself I could have done you
no harm if you had done yourself none«
»Youre a liar And youll take any pains and spend any money to drive me
out of this country will you« said he repeating my words to Biddy in the
last interview I had with her »Now Ill tell you a piece of information It
was never so worth your while to get me out of this country as it is tonight
Ah If it was all your money twenty times told to the last brass farden« As he
shook his heavy hand at me with his mouth snarling like a tigers I felt that
it was true
»What are you going to do to me«
»Im a going« said he bringing his fist down upon the table with a heavy
blow and rising as the blow fell to give it greater force »Im a going to
have your life«
He leaned forward staring at me slowly unclenched his hand and drew it
across his mouth as if his mouth watered for me and sat down again
»You was always in Old Orlicks way since ever you was a child You goes out
of his way this present night Hell have no more on you Youre dead«
I felt that I had come to the brink of my grave For a moment I looked
wildly round my trap for any chance of escape but there was none
»More than that« said he folding his arms on the table again »I wont
have a rag of you I wont have a bone of you left on earth Ill put your body
in the kiln Id carry two such to it on my shoulders and let people
suppose what they may of you they shall never know nothing«
My mind with inconceivable rapidity followed out all the consequences of
such a death Estellas father would believe I had deserted him would be taken
would die accusing me even Herbert would doubt me when he compared the letter
I had left for him with the fact that I had called at Miss Havishams gate for
only a moment Joe and Biddy would never know how sorry I had been that night
none would ever know what I had suffered how true I had meant to be what an
agony I had passed through The death close before me was terrible but far more
terrible than death was the dread of being misremembered after death And so
quick were my thoughts that I saw myself despised by unborn generations
Estellas children and their children while the wretchs words were yet on
his lips
»Now wolf« said he »afore I kill you like any other beast which is wot
I mean to do and wot I have tied you up for Ill have a good look at you and a
good goad at you Oh you enemy«
It had passed through my thoughts to cry out for help again though few
could know better than I the solitary nature of the spot and the hopelessness
of aid But as he sat gloating over me I was supported by a scornful
detestation of him that sealed my lips Above all things I resolved that I
would not entreat him and that I would die making some last poor resistance to
him Softened as my thoughts of all the rest of men were in that dire extremity
humbly beseeching pardon as I did of Heaven melted at heart as I was by the
thought that I had taken no farewell and never now could take farewell of
those who were dear to me or could explain myself to them or ask for their
compassion on my miserable errors still if I could have killed him even in
dying I would have done it
He had been drinking and his eyes were red and bloodshot Around his neck
was slung a tin bottle as I had often seen his meat and drink slung about him
in other days He brought the bottle to his lips and took a fiery drink from
it and I smelt the strong spirits that I saw flash into his face
»Wolf« said he folding his arms again »Old Orlicks a going to tell you
somethink It was you as did for your shrew sister«
Again my mind with its former inconceivable rapidity had exhausted the
whole subject of the attack upon my sister her illness and her death before
his slow and hesitating speech had formed those words
»It was you villain« said I
»I tell you it was your doing I tell you it was done through you« he
retorted catching up the gun and making a blow with the stock at the vacant
air between us »I come upon her from behind as I come upon you tonight I
giv it her I left her for dead and if there had been a limekiln as nigh her
as there is now nigh you she shouldnt have come to life again But it warnt
Old Orlick as did it it was you You was favoured and he was bullied and beat
Old Orlick bullied and beat eh Now you pays for it You done it now you pays
for it«
He drank again and became more ferocious I saw by his tilting of the
bottle that there was no great quantity left in it I distinctly understood that
he was working himself up with its contents to make an end of me I knew that
every drop it held was a drop of my life I knew that when I was changed into a
part of the vapour that had crept towards me but a little while before like my
own warning ghost he would do as he had done in my sisters case make all
haste to the town and be seen slouching about there drinking at the
alehouses My rapid mind pursued him to the town made a picture of the street
with him in it and contrasted its lights and life with the lonely marsh and the
white vapour creeping over it into which I should have dissolved
It was not only that I could have summed up years and years and years while
he said a dozen words but that what he did say presented pictures to me and
not mere words In the excited and exalted state of my brain I could not think
of a place without seeing it or of persons without seeing them It is
impossible to overstate the vividness of these images and yet I was so intent
all the time upon him himself who would not be intent on the tiger crouching
to spring that I knew of the slightest action of his fingers
When he had drunk this second time he rose from the bench on which he sat
and pushed the table aside Then he took up the candle and shading it with his
murderous hand so as to throw its light on me stood before me looking at me
and enjoying the sight
»Wolf Ill tell you something more It was Old Orlick as you tumbled over
on your stairs that night«
I saw the staircase with its extinguished lamps I saw the shadows of the
heavy stairrails thrown by the watchmans lantern on the wall I saw the rooms
that I was never to see again here a door half open there a door closed all
the articles of furniture around
»And why was Old Orlick there Ill tell you something more wolf You and
her have pretty well hunted me out of this country so far as getting a easy
living in it goes and Ive took up with new companions and new masters Some of
em writes my letters when I wants em wrote do you mind writes my letters
wolf They writes fifty hands theyre not like sneaking you as writes but one
Ive had a firm mind and a firm will to have your life since you was down here
at your sisters burying I hant seen a way to get you safe and Ive looked
arter you to know your ins and outs For says Old Orlick to himself Somehow or
another Ill have him What When I looks for you I finds your uncle Provis
eh«
Mill Pond Bank and Chinkss Basin and the Old Green Copper RopeWalk all
so clear and plain Provis in his rooms the signal whose use was over pretty
Clara the good motherly woman old Bill Barley on his back all drifting by as
on the swift stream of my life fast running out to sea
»You with a uncle too Why I knowed you at Gargerys when you was so small
a wolf that I could have took your weazen betwixt this finger and thumb and
chucked you away dead as Id thought o doing odd times when I saw you a
loitering among the pollards on a Sunday and you hadnt found no uncles then
No not you But when Old Orlick come for to hear that your uncle Provis had
mostlike wore the legiron wot Old Orlick had picked up filed asunder on these
meshes ever so many year ago and wot he kep by him till he dropped your sister
with it like a bullock as he means to drop you hey when he come for to
hear that hey «
In his savage taunting he flared the candle so close at me that I turned
my face aside to save it from the flame
»Ah« he cried laughing after doing it again »the burnt child dreads the
fire Old Orlick knowed you was burnt Old Orlick knowed you was a smuggling
your uncle Provis away Old Orlicks a match for you and knowd youd come
tonight Now Ill tell you something more wolf and this ends it Theres them
thats as good a match for your uncle Provis as Old Orlick has been for you Let
him ware them when hes lost his nevvy Let him ware them when no man cant
find a rag of his dear relations clothes nor yet a bone of his body Theres
them that cant and that wont have Magwitch yes I know the name alive in
the same land with them and thats had such sure information of him when he was
alive in another land as that he couldnt and shouldnt leave it unbeknown and
put them in danger Praps its them that writes fifty hands and thats not
like sneaking you as writes but one Ware Compeyson Magwitch and the
gallows«
He flared the candle at me again smoking my face and hair and for an
instant blinding me and turned his powerful back as he replaced the light on
the table I had thought a prayer and had been with Joe and Biddy and Herbert
before he turned towards me again
There was a clear space of a few feet between the table and the opposite
wall Within this space he now slouched backwards and forwards His great
strength seemed to sit stronger upon him than ever before as he did this with
his hands hanging loose and heavy at his sides and with his eyes scowling at
me I had no grain of hope left Wild as my inward hurry was and wonderful the
force of the pictures that rushed by me instead of thoughts I could yet clearly
understand that unless he had resolved that I was within a few moments of surely
perishing out of all human knowledge he would never have told me what he had
told
Of a sudden he stopped took the cork out of his bottle and tossed it
away Light as it was I heard it fall like a plummet He swallowed slowly
tilting up the bottle by little and little and now he looked at me no more The
last few drops of liquor he poured into the palm of his hand and licked up
Then with a sudden hurry of violence and swearing horribly he threw the bottle
from him and stooped and I saw in his hand a stonehammer with a long heavy
handle
The resolution I had made did not desert me for without uttering one vain
word of appeal to him I shouted out with all my might and struggled with all
my might It was only my head and my legs that I could move but to that extent
I struggled with all the force until then unknown that was within me In the
same instant I heard responsive shouts saw figures and a gleam of light dash in
at the door heard voices and tumult and saw Orlick emerge from a struggle of
men as if it were tumbling water clear the table at a leap and fly out into
the night
After a blank I found that I was lying unbound on the floor in the same
place with my head on some ones knee My eyes were fixed on the ladder against
the wall when I came to myself had opened on it before my mind saw it and
thus as I recovered consciousness I knew that I was in the place where I had
lost it
Too indifferent at first even to look round and ascertain who supported me
I was lying looking at the ladder when there came between me and it a face
The face of Trabbs boy
»I think hes all right« said Trabbs boy in a sober voice »but aint he
just pale though«
At these words the face of him who supported me looked over into mine and
I saw my supporter to be
»Herbert Great Heaven«
»Softly« said Herbert »Gently Handel Dont be too eager«
»And our old comrade Startop« I cried as he too bent over me
»Remember what he is going to assist us in« said Herbert »and be calm«
The allusion made me spring up though I dropped again from the pain in my
arm »The time has not gone by Herbert has it What night is tonight How
long have I been here« For I had a strange and strong misgiving that I had
been lying there a long time a day and a night two days and nights more
»The time has not gone by It is still Monday night«
»Thank God«
»And you have all tomorrow Tuesday to rest in« said Herbert »But you
cant help groaning my dear Handel What hurt have you got Can you stand«
»Yes yes« said I »I can walk I have no hurt but in this throbbing arm«
They laid it bare and did what they could It was violently swollen and
inflamed and I could scarcely endure to have it touched But they tore up their
handkerchiefs to make fresh bandages and carefully replaced it in the sling
until we could get to the town and obtain some cooling lotion to put upon it In
a little while we had shut the door of the dark and empty sluicehouse and were
passing through the quarry on our way back Trabbs boy Trabbs overgrown
young man now went before us with a lantern which was the light I had seen
come in at the door But the moon was a good two hours higher than when I had
last seen the sky and the night though rainy was much lighter The white vapour
of the kiln was passing from us as we went by and as I had thought a prayer
before I thought a thanksgiving now
Entreating Herbert to tell me how he had come to my rescue which at first
he had flatly refused to do but had insisted on my remaining quiet I learnt
that I had in my hurry dropped the letter open in our chambers where he
coming home to bring with him Startop whom he had met in the street on his way
to me found it very soon after I was gone Its tone made him uneasy and the
more so because of the inconsistency between it and the hasty letter I had left
for him His uneasiness increasing instead of subsiding after a quarter of an
hours consideration he set off for the coachoffice with Startop who
volunteered his company to make inquiry when the next coach went down Finding
that the afternoon coach was gone and finding that his uneasiness grew into
positive alarm as obstacles came in his way he resolved to follow in a
postchaise So he and Startop arrived at the Blue Boar fully expecting there
to find me or tidings of me but finding neither went on to Miss Havishams
where they lost me Hereupon they went back to the hotel doubtless at about the
time when I was hearing the popular local version of my own story to refresh
themselves and to get some one to guide them out upon the marshes Among the
loungers under the Boars archway happened to be Trabbs boy true to his
ancient habit of happening to be everywhere where he had no business and
Trabbs boy had seen me passing from Miss Havishams in the direction of my
diningplace Thus Trabbs boy became their guide and with him they went out
to the sluicehouse though by the town way to the marshes which I had avoided
Now as they went along Herbert reflected that I might after all have been
brought there on some genuine and serviceable errand tending to Proviss safety
and bethinking himself that in that case interruption might be mischievous left
his guide and Startop on the edge of the quarry and went on by himself and
stole round the house two or three times endeavouring to ascertain whether all
was right within As he could hear nothing but indistinct sounds of one deep
rough voice this was while my mind was so busy he even at last began to doubt
whether I was there when suddenly I cried out loudly and he answered the
cries and rushed in closely followed by the other two
When I told Herbert what had passed within the house he was for our
immediately going before a magistrate in the town late at night as it was and
getting out a warrant But I had already considered that such a course by
detaining us there or binding us to come back might be fatal to Provis There
was no gainsaying this difficulty and we relinquished all thoughts of pursuing
Orlick at that time For the present under the circumstances we deemed it
prudent to make rather light of the matter to Trabbs boy who I am convinced
would have been much affected by disappointment if he had known that his
intervention saved me from the limekiln Not that Trabbs boy was of a malignant
nature but that he had too much spare vivacity and that it was in his
constitution to want variety and excitement at anybodys expense When we
parted I presented him with two guineas which seemed to meet his views and
told him that I was sorry ever to have had an ill opinion of him which made no
impression on him at all
Wednesday being so close upon us we determined to go back to London that
night three in the postchaise the rather as we should then be clear away
before the nights adventure began to be talked of Herbert got a large bottle
of stuff for my arm and by dint of having this stuff dropped over it all the
night through I was just able to bear its pain on the journey It was daylight
when we reached the Temple and I went at once to bed and lay in bed all day
My terror as I lay there of falling ill and being unfitted for tomorrow
was so besetting that I wonder it did not disable me of itself It would have
done so pretty surely in conjunction with the mental wear and tear I had
suffered but for the unnatural strain upon me that tomorrow was So anxiously
looked forward to charged with such consequences its results so impenetrably
hidden though so near
No precaution could have been more obvious than our refraining from
communication with him that day yet this again increased my restlessness I
started at every footstep and every sound believing that he was discovered and
taken and this was the messenger to tell me so I persuaded myself that I knew
he was taken that there was something more upon my mind than a fear or a
presentiment that the fact had occurred and I had a mysterious knowledge of
it As the day wore on and no ill news came as the day closed in and darkness
fell my overshadowing dread of being disabled by illness before tomorrow
morning altogether mastered me My burning arm throbbed and my burning head
throbbed and I fancied I was beginning to wander I counted up to high numbers
to make sure of myself and repeated passages that I knew in prose and verse It
happened sometimes that in the mere escape of a fatigued mind I dozed for some
moments or forgot then I would say to myself with a start »Now it has come
and I am turning delirious«
They kept me very quiet all day and kept my arm constantly dressed and
gave me cooling drinks Whenever I fell asleep I awoke with the notion I had
had in the sluicehouse that a long time had elapsed and the opportunity to
save him was gone About midnight I got out of bed and went to Herbert with the
conviction that I had been asleep for fourandtwenty hours and that Wednesday
was past It was the last selfexhausting effort of my fretfulness for after
that I slept soundly
Wednesday morning was dawning when I looked out of window The winking
lights upon the bridges were already pale the coming sun was like a marsh of
fire on the horizon The river still dark and mysterious was spanned by
bridges that were turning coldly grey with here and there at top a warm touch
from the burning in the sky As I looked along the clustered roofs with church
towers and spires shooting into the unusually clear air the sun rose up and a
veil seemed to be drawn from the river and millions of sparkles burst out upon
its waters From me too a veil seemed to be drawn and I felt strong and well
Herbert lay asleep in his bed and our old fellowstudent lay asleep on the
sofa I could not dress myself without help but I made up the fire which was
still burning and got some coffee ready for them In good time they too started
up strong and well and we admitted the sharp morning air at the windows and
looked at the tide that was still flowing towards us
»When it turns at nine oclock« said Herbert cheerfully »look out for us
and stand ready you over there at Mill Pond Bank«
Chapter LIV
It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold
when it is summer in the light and winter in the shade We had our peacoats
with us and I took a bag Of all my worldly possessions I took no more than the
few necessaries that filled the bag Where I might go what I might do or when
I might return were questions utterly unknown to me nor did I vex my mind with
them for it was wholly set on Proviss safety I only wondered for the passing
moment as I stopped at the door and looked back under what altered
circumstances I should next see those rooms if ever
We loitered down to the Temple stairs and stood loitering there as if we
were not quite decided to go upon the water at all Of course I had taken care
that the boat should be ready and everything in order After a little show of
indecision which there were none to see but the two or three amphibious
creatures belonging to our Temple stairs we went on board and cast off Herbert
in the bow I steering It was then about highwater halfpast eight
Our plan was this The tide beginning to run down at nine and being with
us until three we intended still to creep on after it had turned and row
against it until dark We should then be well in those long reaches below
Gravesend between Kent and Essex where the river is broad and solitary where
the waterside inhabitants are very few and where lone publichouses are
scattered here and there of which we could choose one for a restingplace
There we meant to lie by all night The steamer for Hamburg and the steamer
for Rotterdam would start from London at about nine on Thursday morning We
should know at what time to expect them according to where we were and would
hail the first so that if by any accident we were not taken aboard we should
have another chance We knew the distinguishing marks of each vessel
The relief of being at last engaged in the execution of the purpose was so
great to me that I felt it difficult to realise the condition in which I had
been in a few hours before The crisp air the sunlight the movement on the
river and the moving river itself the road that ran with us seeming to
sympathise with us animate us and encourage us on freshened me with new
hope I felt mortified to be of so little use in the boat but there were few
better oarsmen than my two friends and they rowed with a steady stroke that was
to last all day
At that time the steamtraffic on the Thames was far below its present
extent and watermens boats were far more numerous Of barges sailing
colliers and coasting traders there were perhaps as many as now but of
steamships great and small not a tithe or a twentieth part so many Early as
it was there were plenty of scullers going here and there that morning and
plenty of barges dropping down with the tide the navigation of the river
between bridges in an open boat was a much easier and commoner matter in those
days than it is in these and we went ahead among many skiffs and wherries
briskly
Old London Bridge was soon passed and old Billingsgate market with its
oysterboats and Dutchmen and the White Tower and Traitors Gate and we were
in among the tiers of shipping Here were the Leith Aberdeen and Glasgow
steamers loading and unloading goods and looking immensely high out of the
water as we passed alongside here were colliers by the score and score with
the coalwhippers plunging off stages on deck as counterweights to measures of
coal swinging up which were then rattled over the side into barges here at
her moorings was tomorrows steamer for Rotterdam of which we took good
notice and here tomorrows for Hamburg under whose bowsprit we crossed And
now I sitting in the stern could see with a faster beating heart Mill Pond
Bank and Mill Pond stairs
»Is he there« said Herbert
»Not yet«
»Right He was not to come down till he saw us Can you see his signal«
»Not well from here but I think I see it Now I see him Pull both Easy
Herbert Oars«
We touched the stairs lightly for a single moment and he was on board and
we were off again He had a boatcloak with him and a black canvas bag and he
looked as like a riverpilot as my heart could have wished
»Dear boy« he said putting his arm on my shoulder as he took his seat
»Faithful dear boy well done Thankye thankye«
Again among the tiers of shipping in and out avoiding rusty chaincables
frayed hempen hawsers and bobbing buoys sinking for the moment floating broken
baskets scattering floating chip of wood and shaving cleaving floating scum of
coal in and out under the figurehead of the John of Sunderland making a
speech to the winds as is done by many Johns and the Betsy of Yarmouth with a
firm formality of bosom and her knobby eyes starting two inches out of her head
in and out hammers going in shipbuilders yards saws going at timber
clashing engines going at things unknown pumps going in leaky ships capstans
going ships going out to sea and unintelligible seacreatures roaring curses
over the bulwarks at respondent lightermen in and out out at last upon the
clearer river where the ships boys might take their fenders in no longer
fishing in troubled waters with them over the side and where the festooned
sails might fly out to the wind
At the Stairs where we had taken him aboard and ever since I had looked
warily for any token of our being suspected I had seen none We certainly had
not been and at that time as certainly we were not either attended or followed
by any boat If we had been waited on by any boat I should have run in to
shore and have obliged her to go on or to make her purpose evident But we
held our own without any appearance of molestation
He had his boatcloak on him and looked as I have said a natural part of
the scene It was remarkable but perhaps the wretched life he had led accounted
for it that he was the least anxious of any of us He was not indifferent for
he told me that he hoped to live to see his gentleman one of the best of
gentlemen in a foreign country he was not disposed to be passive or resigned
as I understood it but he had no notion of meeting danger halfway When it
came upon him he confronted it but it must come before he troubled himself
»If you knowed dear boy« he said to me »what it is to sit here alonger my
dear boy and have my smoke arter having been day by day betwixt four walls
youd envy me But you dont know what it is«
»I think I know the delights of freedom« I answered
»Ah« said he shaking his head gravely »But you dont know it equal to me
You must have been under lock and key dear boy to know it equal to me but I
aint a going to be low«
It occurred to me as inconsistent that for any mastering idea he should
have endangered his freedom and even his life But I reflected that perhaps
freedom without danger was too much apart from all the habit of his existence to
be to him what it would be to another man I was not far out since he said
after smoking a little
»You see dear boy when I was over yonder tother side the world I was
always a looking to this side and it come flat to be there for all I was a
growing rich Everybody knowed Magwitch and Magwitch could come and Magwitch
could go and nobodys head would be troubled about him They aint so easy
concerning me here dear boy wouldnt be leastwise if they knowed where I
was«
»If all goes well« said I »you will be perfectly free and safe again
within a few hours«
»Well« he returned drawing a long breath »I hope so«
»And think so«
He dipped his hand in the water over the boats gunwale and said smiling
with that softened air upon him which was not new to me
»Ay I spose I think so dear boy Wed be puzzled to be more quiet and
easygoing than we are at present But its a flowing so soft and pleasant
through the water praps as makes me think it I was a thinking through my
smoke just then that we can no more see to the bottom of the next few hours
than we can see to the bottom of this river what I catches hold of Nor yet we
cant no more hold their tide than I can hold this And its run through my
fingers and gone you see« holding up his dripping hand
»But for your face I should think you were a little despondent« said I
»Not a bit on it dear boy It comes of flowing on so quiet and of that
there rippling at the boats head making a sort of a Sunday tune Maybe Im a
growing a trifle old besides«
He put his pipe back in his mouth with an undisturbed expression of face
and sat as composed and contented as if we were already out of England Yet he
was as submissive to a word of advice as if he had been in constant terror for
when we ran ashore to get some bottles of beer into the boat and he was
stepping out I hinted that I thought he would be safest where he was and he
said »Do you dear boy« and quietly sat down again
The air felt cold upon the river but it was a bright day and the sunshine
was very cheering The tide ran strong I took care to lose none of it and our
steady stroke carried us on thoroughly well By imperceptible degrees as the
tide ran out we lost more and more of the nearer woods and hills and dropped
lower and lower between the muddy banks but the tide was yet with us when we
were off Gravesend As our charge was wrapped in his cloak I purposely passed
within a boat or twos length of the floating Custom House and so out to catch
the stream alongside of two emigrant ships and under the bows of a large
transport with troops on the forecastle looking down at us And soon the tide
began to slacken and the craft lying at anchor to swing and presently they had
all swung round and the ships that were taking advantage of the new tide to get
up to the Pool began to crowd upon us in a fleet and we kept under the shore
as much out of the strength of the tide now as we could standing carefully off
from low shallows and mudbanks
Our oarsmen were so fresh by dint of having occasionally let her drive with
the tide for a minute or two that a quarter of an hours rest proved full as
much as they wanted We got ashore among some slippery stones while we ate and
drank what we had with us and looked about It was like my own marsh country
flat and monotonous and with a dim horizon while the winding river turned and
turned and the great floating buoys upon it turned and turned and everything
else seemed stranded and still For now the last of the fleet of ships was
round the last low point we had headed and the last green barge strawladen
with a brown sail had followed and some ballastlighters shaped like a
childs first rude imitation of a boat lay low in the mud and a little squat
shoallighthouse on open piles stood crippled in the mud on stilts and
crutches and slimy stakes stuck out of the mud and slimy stones stuck out of
the mud and red landmarks and tidemarks stuck out of the mud and an old
landingstage and an old roofless building slipped into the mud and all about
us was stagnation and mud
We pushed off again and made what way we could It was much harder work
now but Herbert and Startop persevered and rowed and rowed and rowed until
the sun went down By that time the river had lifted us a little so that we
could see above the bank There was the red sun on the low level of the shore
in a purple haze fast deepening into black and there was the solitary flat
marsh and far away there were the rising grounds between which and us there
seemed to be no life save here and there in the foreground a melancholy gull
As the night was fast falling and as the moon being past the full would
not rise early we held a little council a short one for clearly our course
was to lie by at the first lonely tavern we could find So they plied their oars
once more and I looked out for anything like a house Thus we held on speaking
little for four or five dull miles It was very cold and a collier coming by
us with her galleyfire smoking and flaring looked like a comfortable home
The night was dark by this time as it would be until morning what light we had
seemed to come more from the river than the sky as the oars in their dipping
struck at a few reflected stars
At this dismal time we were evidently all possessed by the idea that we were
followed As the tide made it flapped heavily at irregular intervals against
the shore and whenever such a sound came one or other of us was sure to start
and look in that direction Here and there the set of the current had worn down
the bank into a little creek and we were all suspicious of such places and
eyed them nervously Sometimes »What was that ripple« one of us would say in a
low voice Or another »Is that a boat yonder« And afterwards we would fall
into a dead silence and I would sit impatiently thinking with what an unusual
amount of noise the oars worked in the thowels
At length we descried a light and a roof and presently afterwards ran
alongside a little causeway made of stones that had been picked up hard by
Leaving the rest in the boat I stepped ashore and found the light to be in the
window of a publichouse It was a dirty place enough and I dare say not
unknown to smuggling adventurers but there was a good fire in the kitchen and
there were eggs and bacon to eat and various liquors to drink Also there were
two doublebedded rooms »such as they were« the landlord said No other
company was in the house than the landlord his wife and a grizzled male
creature the Jack of the little causeway who was as slimy and smeary as if he
had been low watermark too
With this assistant I went down to the boat again and we all came ashore
and brought out the oars and rudder and boathook and all else and hauled
her up for the night We made a very good meal by the kitchen fire and then
apportioned the bedrooms Herbert and Startop were to occupy one I and our
charge the other We found the air as carefully excluded from both as if air
were fatal to life and there were more dirty clothes and bandboxes under the
beds than I should have thought the family possessed But we considered
ourselves well off notwithstanding for a more solitary place we could not have
found
While we were comforting ourselves by the fire after our meal the Jack
who was sitting in a corner and who had a bloated pair of shoes on which he
had exhibited while we were eating our eggs and bacon as interesting relics
that he had taken a few days ago from the feet of a drowned seaman washed ashore
asked me if we had seen a fouroared galley going up with the tide When I
told him No he said she must have gone down then and yet she took up too when
she left there
»They must ha thought better ont for some reason or another« said the
Jack »and gone down«
»A fouroared galley did you say« said I
»A four« said the Jack »and two sitters«
»Did they come ashore here«
»They put in with a stone twogallon jar for some beer Id ha been glad
to pison the beer myself« said the Jack »or put some rattling physic in it«
»Why«
»I know why« said the Jack He spoke in a slushy voice as if much mud had
washed into his throat
»He thinks« said the landlord a weakly meditative man with a pale eye who
seemed to rely greatly on his Jack »he thinks they was what they wasnt«
»I knows what I thinks« observed the Jack
»You thinks Custom Us Jack« said the landlord
»I do« said the Jack
»Then youre wrong Jack«
»AM I«
In the infinite meaning of his reply and his boundless confidence in his
views the Jack took one of his bloated shoes off looked into it knocked a few
stones out of it on the kitchen floor and put it on again He did this with the
air of a Jack who was so right that he could afford to do anything
»Why what do you make out that they done with their buttons then Jack«
asked the landlord vacillating weakly
»Done with their buttons« returned the Jack »Chucked em overboard
Swallered em Sowed em to come up small salad Done with their buttons«
»Dont be cheeky Jack« remonstrated the landlord in a melancholy and
pathetic way
»A Custom Us officer knows what to do with his Buttons« said the Jack
repeating the obnoxious word with the greatest contempt »when they comes
betwixt him and his own light A Four and two sitters dont go hanging and
hovering up with one tide and down with another and both with and against
another without there being Custom Us at the bottom of it« Saying which he
went out in disdain and the landlord having no one to rely upon found it
impracticable to pursue the subject
This dialogue made us all uneasy and me very uneasy The dismal wind was
muttering round the house the tide was flapping at the shore and I had a
feeling that we were caged and threatened A fouroared galley hovering about in
so unusual a way as to attract this notice was an ugly circumstance that I
could not get rid of When I had induced Provis to go up to bed I went outside
with my two companions Startop by this time knew the state of the case and
held another council Whether we should remain at the house until near the
steamers time which would be about one in the afternoon or whether we should
put off early in the morning was the question we discussed On the whole we
deemed it the better course to lie where we were until within an hour or so of
the steamers time and then to get out in her track and drift easily with the
tide Having settled to do this we returned into the house and went to bed
I lay down with the greater part of my clothes on and slept well for a few
hours When I awoke the wind had risen and the sign of the house the Ship
was creaking and banging about with noises that startled me Rising softly for
my charge lay fast asleep I looked out of the window It commanded the causeway
where we had hauled up our boat and as my eyes adapted themselves to the light
of the clouded moon I saw two men looking into her They passed by under the
window looking at nothing else and they did not go down to the landingplace
which I could discern to be empty but struck across the marsh in the direction
of the Nore
My first impulse was to call up Herbert and show him the two men going
away But reflecting before I got into his room which was at the back of the
house and adjoined mine that he and Startop had had a harder day than I and
were fatigued I forbore Going back to my window I could see the two men moving
over the marsh In that light however I soon lost them and feeling very cold
lay down to think of the matter and fell asleep again
We were up early As we walked to and fro all four together before
breakfast I deemed it right to recount what I had seen Again our charge was
the least anxious of the party It was very likely that the men belonged to the
Custom House he said quietly and that they had no thought of us I tried to
persuade myself that it was so as indeed it might easily be However I
proposed that he and I should walk away together to a distant point we could
see and that the boat should take us aboard there or as near there as might
prove feasible at about noon This being considered a good precaution soon
after breakfast he and I set forth without saying anything at the tavern
He smoked his pipe as we went along and sometimes stopped to clap me on the
shoulder One would have supposed that it was I who was in danger not he and
that he was reassuring me We spoke very little As we approached the point I
begged him to remain in a sheltered place while I went on to reconnoitre for
it was towards it that the men had passed in the night He complied and I went
on alone There was no boat off the point nor any boat drawn up anywhere near
it nor were there any signs of the men having embarked there But to be sure
the tide was high and there might have been some footprints under water
When he looked out from his shelter in the distance and saw that I waved my
hat to him to come up he rejoined me and there we waited sometimes lying on
the bank wrapped in our coats and sometimes moving about to warm ourselves
until we saw our boat coming round We got aboard easily and rowed out into the
track of the steamer By that time it wanted but ten minutes of one oclock and
we began to look out for her smoke
But it was halfpast one before we saw her smoke and soon after we saw
behind it the smoke of another steamer As they were coming on at full speed we
got the two bags ready and took that opportunity of saying goodbye to Herbert
and Startop We had all shaken hands cordially and neither Herberts eyes nor
mine were quite dry when I saw a fouroared galley shoot out from under the
bank but a little way ahead of us and row out into the same track
A stretch of shore had been as yet between us and the steamers smoke by
reason of the bend and wind of the river but now she was visible coming head
on I called to Herbert and Startop to keep before the tide that she might see
us lying by for her and adjured Provis to sit quite still wrapped in his
cloak He answered cheerily »Trust to me dear boy« and sat like a statue
Meanwhile the galley which was skilfully handled had crossed us let us come
up with her and fallen alongside Leaving just room enough for the play of the
oars she kept alongside drifting when we drifted and pulling a stroke or two
when we pulled Of the two sitters one held the rudder lines and looked at us
attentively as did all the rowers the other sitter was wrapped up much as
Provis was and seemed to shrink and whisper some instruction to the steerer as
he looked at us Not a word was spoken in either boat
Startop could make out after a few minutes which steamer was first and
gave me the word Hamburg in a low voice as we sat face to face She was nearing
us very fast and the beating of her paddles grew louder and louder I felt as
if her shadow were absolutely upon us when the galley hailed us I answered
»You have a returned transport there« said the man who held the lines
»Thats the man wrapped in the cloak His name is Abel Magwitch otherwise
Provis I apprehend that man and call upon him to surrender and you to
assist«
At the same moment without giving any audible direction to his crew he ran
the galley aboard of us They had pulled one sudden stroke ahead had got their
oars in had run athwart us and were holding on to our gunwale before we knew
what they were doing This caused great confusion on board of the steamer and I
heard them calling to us and heard the order given to stop the paddles and
heard them stop but felt her driving down upon us irresistibly In the same
moment I saw the steersman of the galley lay his hand on his prisoners
shoulder and saw that both boats were swinging round with the force of the
tide and saw that all hands on board the steamer were running forward quite
frantically Still in the same moment I saw the prisoner start up lean across
his captor and pull the cloak from the neck of the shrinking sitter in the
galley Still in the same moment I saw that the face disclosed was the face of
the other convict of long ago Still in the same moment I saw the face tilt
backward with a white terror on it that I shall never forget and heard a great
cry on board the steamer and a loud splash in the water and felt the boat sink
from under me
It was but for an instant that I seemed to struggle with a thousand
millweirs and a thousand flashes of light that instant past I was taken on
board the galley Herbert was there and Startop was there but our boat was
gone and the two convicts were gone
What with the cries aboard the steamer and the furious blowing off of her
steam and her driving on and our driving on I could not at first distinguish
sky from water or shore from shore but the crew of the galley righted her with
great speed and pulling certain swift strong strokes ahead lay upon their
oars every man looking silently and eagerly at the water astern Presently a
dark object was seen in it bearing towards us on the tide No man spoke but
the steersman held up his hand and all softly backed water and kept the boat
straight and true before it As it came nearer I saw it to be Magwitch
swimming but not swimming freely He was taken on board and instantly manacled
at the wrists and ankles
The galley was kept steady and the silent eager lookout at the water was
resumed But the Rotterdam steamer now came up and apparently not understanding
what had happened came on at speed By the time she had been hailed and
stopped both steamers were drifting away from us and we were rising and
falling in a troubled wake of water The lookout was kept long after all was
still again and the two steamers were gone but everybody knew that it was
hopeless now
At length we gave it up and pulled under the shore towards the tavern we
had lately left where we were received with no little surprise Here I was
able to get some comforts for Magwitch Provis no longer who had received
some very severe injury in the chest and a deep cut in the head
He told me that he believed himself to have gone under the keel of the
steamer and to have been struck on the head in rising The injury to his chest
which rendered his breathing extremely painful he thought he had received
against the side of the galley He added that he did not pretend to say what he
might or might not have done to Compeyson but that in the moment of his laying
his hand on his cloak to identify him that villain had staggered up and
staggered back and they had both gone overboard together when the sudden
wrenching of him Magwitch out of our boat and the endeavour of his captor to
keep him in it had capsized us He told me in a whisper that they had gone
down fiercely locked in each others arms and that there had been a struggle
under water and that he had disengaged himself struck out and swam away
I never had any reason to doubt the exact truth of what he had told me The
officer who steered the galley gave the same account of their going overboard
When I asked this officers permission to change the prisoners wet clothes
by purchasing any spare garments I could get at the publichouse he gave it
readily merely observing that he must take charge of everything his prisoner
had about him So the pocketbook which had once been in my hands passed into
the officers He further gave me leave to accompany the prisoner to London
but declined to accord that grace to my two friends
The Jack at the Ship was instructed where the drowned man had gone down and
undertook to search for the body in the places where it was likeliest to come
ashore His interest in its recovery seemed to me to be much heightened when he
heard that it had stockings on Probably it took about a dozen drowned men to
fit him out completely and that may have been the reason why the different
articles of his dress were in various stages of decay
We remained at the publichouse until the tide turned and then Magwitch was
carried down to the galley and put on board Herbert and Startop were to get to
London by land as soon as they could We had a doleful parting and when I took
my place by Magwitchs side I felt that that was my place henceforth while he
lived
For now my repugnance to him had all melted away and in the hunted
wounded shackled creature who held my hand in his I only saw a man who had
meant to be my benefactor and who had felt affectionately gratefully and
generously towards me with great constancy through a series of years I only
saw in him a much better man than I had been to Joe
His breathing became more difficult and painful as the night drew on and
often he could not repress a groan I tried to rest him on the arm I could use
in any easy position but it was dreadful to think that I could not be sorry at
heart for his being badly hurt since it was unquestionably best that he should
die That there were still living people enough who were able and willing to
identify him I could not doubt That he would be leniently treated I could not
hope He who had been presented in the worst light at his trial who had since
broken prison and been tried again who had returned from transportation under a
life sentence and who had occasioned the death of the man who was the cause of
his arrest
As we returned towards the setting sun we had yesterday left behind us and
as the stream of our hopes seemed all running back I told him how grieved I was
to think he had come home for my sake
»Dear boy« he answered »Im quite content to take my chance Ive seen my
boy and he can be a gentleman without me«
No I had thought about that while we had been there side by side No Apart
from any inclinations of my own I understand Wemmicks hint now I foresaw
that being convicted his possessions would be forfeited to the Crown
»Lookee here dear boy« said he »Its best as a gentleman should not be
knowed to belong to me now Only come to see me as if you come by chance alonger
Wemmick Sit where I can see you when I am swore to for the last o many times
and I dont ask no more«
»I will never stir from your side« said I »when I am suffered to be near
you Please God I will be as true to you as you have been to me«
I felt his hand tremble as it held mine and he turned his face away as he
lay in the bottom of the boat and I heard that old sound in his throat
softened now like all the rest of him It was a good thing that he had touched
this point for it put into my mind what I might not otherwise have thought of
until too late that he need never know how his hopes of enriching me had
perished
Chapter LV
He was taken to the Police Court next day and would have been immediately
committed for trial but that it was necessary to send down for an old officer
of the prisonship from which he had once escaped to speak to his identity
Nobody doubted it but Compeyson who had meant to depose to it was tumbling
on the tides dead and it happened that there was not at that time any prison
officer in London who could give the required evidence I had gone direct to Mr
Jaggers at his private house on my arrival overnight to retain his
assistance and Mr Jaggers on the prisoners behalf would admit nothing It was
the sole resource for he told me that the case must be over in five minutes
when the witness was there and that no power on earth could prevent its going
against us
I imparted to Mr Jaggers my design of keeping him in ignorance of the fate
of his wealth Mr Jaggers was querulous and angry with me for having let it
slip through my fingers and said we must memorialise byandby and try at all
events for some of it But he did not conceal from me that although there might
be many cases in which forfeiture would not be exacted there were no
circumstances in this case to make it one of them I understood that very well
I was not related to the outlaw or connected with him by any recognisable tie
he had put his hand to no writing or settlement in my favour before his
apprehension and to do so now would be idle I had no claim and I finally
resolved and ever afterwards abided by the resolution that my heart should
never be sickened with the hopeless task of attempting to establish one
There appeared to be reason for supposing that the drowned informer had
hoped for a reward out of this forfeiture and had obtained some accurate
knowledge of Magwitchs affairs When his body was found many miles from the
scene of his death and so horribly disfigured that he was only recognisable by
the contents of his pockets notes were still legible folded in a case he
carried Among these were the name of a bankinghouse in New South Wales where a
sum of money was and the designation of certain lands of considerable value
Both those heads of information were in a list that Magwitch while in prison
gave to Mr Jaggers of the possessions he supposed I should inherit His
ignorance poor fellow at last served him he never mistrusted but that my
inheritance was quite safe with Mr Jaggerss aid
After three days delay during which the crown prosecution stood over for
the production of the witness from the prisonship the witness came and
completed the easy case He was committed to take his trial at the next Session
which would come on in a month
It was at this dark time of my life that Herbert returned home one evening
a good deal cast down and said
»My dear Handel I fear I shall soon have to leave you«
His partner having prepared me for that I was less surprised than he
thought
»We shall lose a fine opportunity if I put off going to Cairo and I am very
much afraid I must go Handel when you most need me«
»Herbert I shall always need you because I shall always love you but my
need is no greater now than at another time«
»You will be so lonely«
»I have not leisure to think of that« said I »You know that I am always
with him to the full extent of the time allowed and that I should be with him
all day long if I could And when I come away from him you know that my
thoughts are with him«
The dreadful condition to which he was brought was so appalling to both of
us that we could not refer to it in plainer words
»My dear fellow« said Herbert »let the near prospect of our separation
for it is very near be my justification for troubling you about yourself Have
you thought of your future«
»No for I have been afraid to think of any future«
»But yours cannot be dismissed indeed my dear dear Handel it must not be
dismissed I wish you would enter on it now as far as a few friendly words go
with me«
»I will« said I
»In this branch house of ours Handel we must have a «
I saw that his delicacy was avoiding the right word so I said »A clerk«
»A clerk And I hope it is not at all unlikely that he may expand as a
clerk of your acquaintance has expanded into a partner Now Handel in
short my dear boy will you come to me«
There was something charmingly cordial and engaging in the manner in which
after saying »Now Handel« as if it were the grave beginning of a portentous
business exordium he had suddenly given up that tone stretched out his honest
hand and spoken like a schoolboy
»Clara and I have talked about it again and again« Herbert pursued »and
the dear little thing begged me only this evening with tears in her eyes to
say to you that if you will live with us when we come together she will do her
best to make you happy and to convince her husbands friend that he is her
friend too We should get on so well Handel«
I thanked her heartily and I thanked him heartily but said I could not yet
make sure of joining him as he so kindly offered Firstly my mind was too
preoccupied to be able to take in the subject clearly Secondly Yes Secondly
there was a vague something lingering in my thoughts that will come out very
near the end of this slight narrative
»But if you thought Herbert that you could without doing any injury to
your business leave the question open for a little while «
»For any while« cried Herbert »Six months a year«
»Not so long as that« said I »Two or three months at most«
Herbert was highly delighted when we shook hands on this arrangement and
said he could now take courage to tell me that he believed he must go away at
the end of the week
»And Clara« said I
»The dear little thing« returned Herbert »holds dutifully to her father as
long as he lasts but he wont last long Mrs Whimple confides to me that he is
certainly going«
»Not to say an unfeeling thing« said I »he cannot do better than go«
»I am afraid that must be admitted« said Herbert »and then I shall come
back for the dear little thing and the dear little thing and I will walk
quietly into the nearest church Remember The blessed darling comes of no
family my dear Handel and never looked into the red book and hasnt a notion
about her grandpapa What a fortune for the son of my mother«
On the Saturday in that same week I took my leave of Herbert full of
bright hope but sad and sorry to leave me as he sat on one of the seaport
mail coaches I went into a coffeehouse to write a little note to Clara
telling her he had gone off sending his love to her over and over again and
then went to my lonely home if it deserved the name for it was now no home to
me and I had no home anywhere
On the stairs I encountered Wemmick who was coming down after an
unsuccessful application of his knuckles to my door I had not seen him alone
since the disastrous issue of the attempted flight and he had come in his
private and personal capacity to say a few words of explanation in reference to
that failure
»The late Compeyson« said Wemmick »had by little and little got at the
bottom of half of the regular business now transacted and it was from the talk
of some of his people in trouble some of his people being always in trouble
that I heard what I did I kept my ears open seaming to have them shut until I
heard that he was absent and I thought that would be the best time for making
the attempt I can only suppose now that it was a part of his policy as a very
clever man habitually to deceive his own instruments You dont blame me I
hope Mr Pip Im sure I tried to serve you with all my heart«
»I am as sure of that Wemmick as you can be and I thank you most
earnestly for all your interest and friendship«
»Thank you thank you very much Its a bad job« said Wemmick scratching
his head »and I assure you I havent been so cut up for a long time What I
look at is the sacrifice of so much portable property Dear me«
»What I think of Wemmick is the poor owner of the property«
»Yes to be sure« said Wemmick »Of course there can be no objection to
your being sorry for him and Id put down a fivepound note myself to get him
out of it But what I look at is this The late Compeyson having been
beforehand with him in intelligence of his return and being so determined to
bring him to book I do not think he could have been saved Whereas the
portable property certainly could have been saved Thats the difference between
the property and the owner dont you see«
I invited Wemmick to come upstairs and refresh himself with a glass of
grog before walking to Walworth He accepted the invitation While he was
drinking his moderate allowance he said with nothing to lead up to it and
after having appeared rather fidgety
»What do you think of my meaning to take a holiday on Monday Mr Pip«
»Why I suppose you have not done such a thing these twelve months«
»These twelve years more likely« said Wemmick »Yes Im going to take a
holiday More than that Im going to take a walk More than that Im going to
ask you to take a walk with me«
I was about to excuse myself as being but a bad companion just then when
Wemmick anticipated me
»I know your engagements« said he »and I know you are out of sorts Mr
Pip But if you could oblige me I should take it as a kindness It aint a long
walk and its an early one Say it might occupy you including breakfast on the
walk from eight to twelve Couldnt you stretch a point and manage it«
He had done so much for me at various times that this was very little to do
for him I said I could manage it would manage it and he was so very much
pleased by my acquiescence that I was pleased too At his particular request I
appointed to call for him at the Castle at halfpast eight on Monday morning
and so we parted for the time
Punctual to my appointment I rang at the Castle gate on the Monday morning
and was received by Wemmick himself who struck me as looking tighter than
usual and having a sleeker hat on Within there were two glasses of
rumandmilk prepared and two biscuits The Aged must have been stirring with
the lark for glancing into the perspective of his bedroom I observed that his
bed was empty
When we had fortified ourselves with the rumandmilk and biscuits and were
going out for the walk with that training preparation on us I was considerably
surprised to see Wemmick take up a fishingrod and put it over his shoulder
»Why we are not going fishing« said I »No« returned Wemmick »but I like to
walk with one«
I thought this odd however I said nothing and we set off We went towards
Camberwell Green and when we were thereabouts Wemmick said suddenly
»Halloa Heres a church«
There was nothing very surprising in that but again I was rather
surprised when he said as if he were animated by a brilliant idea
»Lets go in«
We went in Wemmick leaving his fishingrod in the porch and looked all
round In the mean time Wemmick was diving into his coatpockets and getting
something out of paper there
»Halloa« said he »Heres a couple of pair of gloves Lets put em on«
As the gloves were white kid gloves and as the postoffice was widened to
its utmost extent I now began to have my strong suspicions They were
strengthened into certainty when I beheld the Aged enter at a side door
escorting a lady
»Halloa« said Wemmick »Heres Miss Skiffins Lets have a wedding«
That discreet damsel was attired as usual except that she was now engaged
in substituting for her green kid gloves a pair of white The Aged was likewise
occupied in preparing a similar sacrifice for the altar of Hymen The old
gentleman however experienced so much difficulty in getting his gloves on
that Wemmick found it necessary to put him with his back against a pillar and
then to get behind the pillar himself and pull away at them while I for my part
held the old gentleman round the waist that he might present an equal and safe
resistance By dint of this ingenious scheme his gloves were got on to
perfection
The clerk and clergyman then appearing we were ranged in order at those
fatal rails True to his notion of seeming to do it all without preparation I
heard Wemmick say to himself as he took something out of his waistcoatpocket
before the service began »Halloa Heres a ring«
I acted in the capacity of backer or bestman to the bridegroom while a
little limp pewopener in a soft bonnet like a babys made a feint of being the
bosom friend of Miss Skiffins The responsibility of giving the lady away
devolved upon the Aged which led to the clergymans being unintentionally
scandalised and it happened thus When he said »Who giveth this woman to be
married to this man« the old gentleman not in the least knowing what point of
the ceremony we had arrived at stood most amiably beaming at the ten
commandments Upon which the clergyman said again »WHO giveth this woman to be
married to this man« The old gentleman being still in a state of most estimable
unconsciousness the bridegroom cried out in his accustomed voice »Now Aged
P you know who giveth« To which the Aged replied with great briskness
before saying that he gave »All right John all right my boy« And the
clergyman came to so gloomy a pause upon it that I had doubts for the moment
whether we should get completely married that day
It was completely done however and when we were going out of church
Wemmick took the cover off the font and put his white gloves in it and put the
cover on again Mrs Wemmick more heedful of the future put her white gloves
in her pocket and assumed her green »Now Mr Pip« said Wemmick triumphantly
shouldering the fishingrod as we came out »let me ask you whether anybody
would suppose this to be a weddingparty«
Breakfast had been ordered at a pleasant little tavern a mile or so away
upon the rising ground beyond the green and there was a bagatelle board in the
room in case we should desire to unbend our minds after the solemnity It was
pleasant to observe that Mrs Wemmick no longer unwound Wemmicks arm when it
adapted itself to her figure but sat in a highbacked chair against the wall
like a violoncello in its case and submitted to be embraced as that melodious
instrument might have done
We had an excellent breakfast and when any one declined anything on table
Wemmick said »Provided by contract you know dont be afraid of it« I drank
to the new couple drank to the Aged drank to the Castle saluted the bride at
parting and made myself as agreeable as I could
Wemmick came down to the door with me and I again shook hands with him and
wished him joy
»Thankee« said Wemmick rubbing his hands »Shes such a manager of fowls
you have no idea You shall have some eggs and judge for yourself I say Mr
Pip« calling me back and speaking low »This is altogether a Walworth
sentiment please«
»I understand Not to be mentioned in Little Britain« said I
Wemmick nodded »After what you let out the other day Mr Jaggers may as
well not know of it He might think my brain was softening or something of the
kind«
Chapter LVI
He lay in prison very ill during the whole interval between his committal for
trial and the coming round of the Sessions He had broken two ribs they had
wounded one of his lungs and he breathed with great pain and difficulty which
increased daily It was a consequence of his hurt that he spoke so low as to be
scarcely audible therefore he spoke very little But he was ever ready to
listen to me and it became the first duty of my life to say to him and read to
him what I knew he ought to hear
Being far too ill to remain in the common prison he was removed after the
first day or so into the infirmary This gave me opportunities of being with
him that I could not otherwise have had And but for his illness he would have
been put in irons for he was regarded as a determined prisonbreaker and I
know not what else
Although I saw him every day it was for only a short time hence the
regularly recurring spaces of our separation were long enough to record on his
face any slight changes that occurred in his physical state I do not recollect
that I once saw any change in it for the better he wasted and became slowly
weaker and worse day by day from the day when the prison door closed upon him
The kind of submission or resignation that he showed was that of a man who
was tired out I sometimes derived an impression from his manner or from a
whispered word or two which escaped him that he pondered over the question
whether he might have been a better man under better circumstances But he
never justified himself by a hint tending that way or tried to bend the past
out of its eternal shape
It happened on two or three occasions in my presence that his desperate
reputation was alluded to by one or other of the people in attendance on him A
smile crossed his face then and he turned his eyes on me with a trustful look
as if he were confident that I had seen some small redeeming touch in him even
so long ago as when I was a little child As to all the rest he was humble and
contrite and I never knew him complain
When the Sessions came round Mr Jaggers caused an application to be made
for the postponement of his trial until the following Sessions It was obviously
made with the assurance that he could not live so long and was refused The
trial came on at once and when he was put to the bar he was seated in a chair
No objection was made to my getting close to the dock on the outside of it and
holding the hand that he stretched forth to me
The trial was very short and very clear Such things as could be said for
him were said how he had taken to industrious habits and had thriven
lawfully and reputably But nothing could unsay the fact that he had returned
and was there in presence of the Judge and Jury It was impossible to try him
for that and do otherwise than find him guilty
At that time it was the custom as I learnt from my terrible experience of
that Sessions to devote a concluding day to the passing of Sentences and to
make a finishing effect with the Sentence of Death But for the indelible
picture that my remembrance now holds before me I could scarcely believe even
as I write these words that I saw twoandthirty men and women put before the
Judge to receive that sentence together Foremost among the twoandthirty was
he seated that he might get breath enough to keep life in him
The whole scene starts out again in the vivid colours of the moment down to
the drops of April rain on the windows of the court glittering in the rays of
April sun Penned in the dock as I again stood outside it at the corner with
his hand in mine were the twoandthirty men and women some defiant some
stricken with terror some sobbing and weeping some covering their faces some
staring gloomily about There had been shrieks from among the women convicts
but they had been stilled and a hush had succeeded The sheriffs with their
great chains and nosegays other civic gewgaws and monsters criers ushers a
great gallery full of people a large theatrical audience looked on as the
twoandthirty and the Judge were solemnly confronted Then the Judge addressed
them Among the wretched creatures before him whom he must single out for
special address was one who almost from his infancy had been an offender
against the laws who after repeated imprisonments and punishments had been at
length sentenced to exile for a term of years and who under circumstances of
great violence and daring had made his escape and been resentenced to exile
for life That miserable man would seem for a time to have become convinced of
his errors when far removed from the scenes of his old offences and to have
lived a peaceable and honest life But in a fatal moment yielding to those
propensities and passions the indulgence of which had so long rendered him a
scourge to society he had quitted his haven of rest and repentance and had
come back to the country where he was proscribed Being here presently
denounced he had for a time succeeded in evading the officers of Justice but
being at length seized while in the act of flight he had resisted them and had
he best knew whether by express design or in the blindness of his hardihood
caused the death of his denouncer to whom his whole career was known The
appointed punishment for his return to the land that had cast him out being
Death and his case being this aggravated case he must prepare himself to Die
The sun was striking in at the great windows of the court through the
glittering drops of rain upon the glass and it made a broad shaft of light
between the twoandthirty and the Judge linking both together and perhaps
reminding some among the audience how both were passing on with absolute
equality to the greater Judgment that knoweth all things and cannot err Rising
for a moment a distinct speck of face in this way of light the prisoner said
»My Lord I have received my sentence of Death from the Almighty but I bow to
yours« and sat down again There was some hushing and the Judge went on with
what he had to say to the rest Then they were all formally doomed and some of
them were supported out and some of them sauntered out with a haggard look of
bravery and a few nodded to the gallery and two or three shook hands and
others went out chewing the fragments of herb they had taken from the sweet
herbs lying about He went last of all because of having to be helped from his
chair and to go very slowly and he held my hand while all the others were
removed and while the audience got up putting their dresses right as they
might at church or elsewhere and pointed down at this criminal or at that and
most of all at him and me
I earnestly hoped and prayed that he might die before the Recorders Report
was made but in the dread of his lingering on I began that night to write out
a petition to the Home Secretary of State setting forth my knowledge of him
and how it was that he had come back for my sake I wrote it as fervently and
pathetically as I could and when I had finished it and sent it in I wrote out
other petitions to such men in authority as I hoped were the most merciful and
drew up one to the Crown itself For several days and nights after he was
sentenced I took no rest except when I fell asleep in my chair but was wholly
absorbed in these appeals And after I had sent them in I could not keep away
from the places where they were but felt as if they were more hopeful and less
desperate when I was near them In this unreasonable restlessness and pain of
mind I would roam the streets of an evening wandering by those offices and
houses where I had left the petitions To the present hour the weary western
streets of London on a cold dusty spring night with their ranges of stern
shutup mansions and their long rows of lamps are melancholy to me from this
association
The daily visits I could make him were shortened now and he was more
strictly kept Seeing or fancying that I was suspected of an intention of
carrying poison to him I asked to be searched before I sat down at his bedside
and told the officer who was always there that I was willing to do anything
that would assure him of the singleness of my designs Nobody was hard with him
or with me There was duty to be done and it was done but not harshly The
officer always gave me the assurance that he was worse and some other sick
prisoners in the room and some other prisoners who attended on them as sick
nurses malefactors but not incapable of kindness GOD be thanked always
joined in the same report
As the days went on I noticed more and more that he would lie placidly
looking at the white ceiling with an absence of light in his face until some
word of mine brightened it for an instant and then it would subside again
Sometimes he was almost or quite unable to speak then he would answer me
with slight pressures on my hand and I grew to understand his meaning very
well
The number of the days had risen to ten when I saw a greater change in him
than I had seen yet His eyes were turned towards the door and lighted up as I
entered
»Dear boy« he said as I sat down by his bed »I thought you was late But
I knowed you couldnt be that«
»It is just the time« said I »I waited for it at the gate«
»You always waits at the gate dont you dear boy«
»Yes Not to lose a moment of the time«
»Thankee dear boy thankee God bless you Youve never deserted me dear
boy«
I pressed his hand in silence for I could not forget that I had once meant
to desert him
»And whats the best of all« he said »youve been more comfortable alonger
me since I was under a dark cloud than when the sun shone Thats best of
all«
He lay on his back breathing with great difficulty Do what he would and
love me though he did the light left his face ever and again and a film came
over the placid look at the white ceiling
»Are you in much pain today«
»I dont complain of none dear boy«
»You never do complain«
He had spoken his last words He smiled and I understood his touch to mean
that he wished to lift my hand and lay it on his breast I laid it there and
he smiled again and put both his hands upon it
The allotted time ran out while we were thus but looking round I found
the governor of the prison standing near me and he whispered »You neednt go
yet« I thanked him gratefully and asked »Might I speak to him if he can hear
me«
The governor stepped aside and beckoned the officer away The change
though it was made without noise drew back the film from the placid look at the
white ceiling and he looked most affectionately at me
»Dear Magwitch I must tell you now at last You understand what I say«
A gentle pressure on my hand
»You had a child once whom you loved and lost«
A stronger pressure on my hand
»She lived and found powerful friends She is living now She is a lady and
very beautiful And I love her«
With a last faint effort which would have been powerless but for my
yielding to it and assisting it he raised my hand to his lips Then he gently
let it sink upon his breast again with his own hands lying on it The placid
look at the white ceiling came back and passed away and his head dropped
quietly on his breast
Mindful then of what we had read together I thought of the two men who
went up into the Temple to pray and I know there were no better words that I
could say beside his bed than »O Lord be merciful to him a sinner«
Chapter LVII
Now that I was left wholly to myself I gave notice of my intention to quit the
chambers in the Temple as soon as my tenancy could legally determine and in the
meanwhile to underlet them At once I put bills up in the windows for I was in
debt and had scarcely any money and began to be seriously alarmed by the state
of my affairs I ought rather to write that I should have been alarmed if I had
had energy and concentration enough to help me to the clear perception of any
truth beyond the fact that I was falling very ill The late stress upon me had
enabled me to put off illness but not to put it away I knew that it was coming
on me now and I knew very little else and was even careless as to that
For a day or two I lay on the sofa or on the floor anywhere according
as I happened to sink down with a heavy head and aching limbs and no purpose
and no power Then there came one night which appeared of great duration and
which teemed with anxiety and horror and when in the morning I tried to sit up
in my bed and think of it I found I could not do so
Whether I really had been down in Gardencourt in the dead of the night
groping about for the boat that I supposed to be there whether I had two or
three times come to myself on the staircase with great terror not knowing how I
had got out of bed whether I had found myself lighting the lamp possessed by
the idea that he was coming up the stairs and that the lights were blown out
whether I had been inexpressibly harassed by the distracted talking laughing
and groaning of some one and had half suspected those sounds to be of my own
making whether there had been a closed iron furnace in a dark corner of the
room and a voice had called out over and over again that Miss Havisham was
consuming within it these were things that I tried to settle with myself and
get into some order as I lay that morning on my bed But the vapour of a
limekiln would come between me and them disordering them all and it was
through the vapour at last that I saw two men looking at me
»What do you want« I asked starting »I dont know you«
»Well sir« returned one of them bending down and touching me on the
shoulder »this is a matter that youll soon arrange I dare say but youre
arrested«
»What is the debt«
»Hundred and twentythree pound fifteen six Jewellers account I think«
»What is to be done«
»You had better come to my house« said the man »I keep a very nice house«
I made some attempt to get up and dress myself When I next attended to
them they were standing a little off from the bed looking at me I still lay
there
»You see my state« said I »I would come with you if I could but indeed I
am quite unable If you take me from here I think I shall die by the way«
Perhaps they replied or argued the point or tried to encourage me to
believe that I was better than I thought Forasmuch as they hang in my memory by
only this one slender thread I dont know what they did except that they
forbore to remove me
That I had a fever and was avoided that I suffered greatly that I often
lost my reason that the time seemed interminable that I confounded impossible
existences with my own identity that I was a brick in the house wall and yet
entreating to be released from the giddy place where the builders had set me
that I was a steel beam of a vast engine clashing and whirling over a gulf and
yet that I implored in my own person to have the engine stopped and my part in
it hammered off that I passed through these phases of disease I know of my own
remembrance and did in some sort know at the time That I sometimes struggled
with real people in the belief that they were murderers and that I would all
at once comprehend that they meant to do me good and would then sink exhausted
in their arms and suffer them to lay me down I also knew at the time But
above all I knew that there was a constant tendency in all these people who
when I was very ill would present all kinds of extraordinary transformations of
the human face and would be much dilated in size above all I say I knew
that there was an extraordinary tendency in all these people sooner or later
to settle down into the likeness of Joe
After I had turned the worst point of my illness I began to notice that
while all its other features changed this one consistent feature did not
change Whoever came about me still settled down into Joe I opened my eyes in
the night and I saw in the great chair at the bedside Joe I opened my eyes in
the day and sitting on the windowseat smoking his pipe in the shaded open
window still I saw Joe I asked for cooling drink and the dear hand that gave
it me was Joes I sank back on my pillow after drinking and the face that
looked so hopefully and tenderly upon me was the face of Joe
At last one day I took courage and said »Is it Joe«
And the dear old homevoice answered »Which it air old chap«
»O Joe you break my heart Look angry at me Joe Strike me Joe Tell me
of my ingratitude Dont be so good to me«
For Joe had actually laid his head down on the pillow at my side and put
his arm round my neck in his joy that I knew him
»Which dear old Pip old chap« said Joe »you and me was ever friends And
when youre well enough to go out for a ride what larks«
After which Joe withdrew to the window and stood with his back towards me
wiping his eyes And as my extreme weakness prevented me from getting up and
going to him I lay there penitently whispering »O God bless him O God bless
this gentle Christian man«
Joes eyes were red when I next found him beside me but I was holding his
hand and we both felt happy
»How long dear Joe«
»Which you meantersay Pip how long have your illness lasted dear old
chap«
»Yes Joe«
»Its the end of May Pip Tomorrow is the first of June«
»And have you been here all the time dear Joe«
»Pretty nigh old chap For as I says to Biddy when the news of your being
ill were brought by letter which it were brought by the post and being
formerly single he is now married though underpaid for a deal of walking and
shoeleather but wealth were not a object on his part and marriage were the
great wish of his hart «
»It is so delightful to hear you Joe But I interrupt you in what you said
to Biddy«
»Which it were« said Joe »that how you might be amongst strangers and
that how you and me having been ever friends a wisit at such a moment might not
prove unacceptabobble And Biddy her word were Go to him without loss of
time That« said Joe summing up with his judicial air »were the word of
Biddy Go to him Biddy say without loss of time In short I shouldnt greatly
deceive you« Joe added after a little grave reflection »if I represented to
you that the word of that young woman were without a minutes loss of time «
There Joe cut himself short and informed me that I was to be talked to in
great moderation and that I was to take a little nourishment at stated frequent
times whether I felt inclined for it or not and that I was to submit myself to
all his orders So I kissed his hand and lay quiet while he proceeded to
indite a note to Biddy with my love in it
Evidently Biddy had taught Joe to write As I lay in bed looking at him it
made me in my weak state cry again with pleasure to see the pride with which
he set about his letter My bedstead divested of its curtains had been
removed with me upon it into the sittingroom as the airiest and largest and
the carpet had been taken away and the room kept always fresh and wholesome
night and day At my own writingtable pushed into a corner and cumbered with
little bottles Joe now sat down to his great work first choosing a pen from
the pentray as if it were a chest of large tools and tucking up his sleeves as
if he were going to wield a crowbar or sledgehammer It was necessary for Joe
to hold on heavily to the table with his left elbow and to get his right leg
well out behind him before he could begin and when he did begin he made every
downstroke so slowly that it might have been six feet long while at every
upstroke I could hear his pen spluttering extensively He had a curious idea
that the inkstand was on the side of him where it was not and constantly dipped
his pen into space and seemed quite satisfied with the result Occasionally he
was tripped up by some orthographical stumblingblock but on the whole he got
on very well indeed and when he had signed his name and had removed a
finishing blot from the paper to the crown of his head with his two forefingers
he got up and hovered about the table trying the effect of his performance from
various points of view as it lay there with unbounded satisfaction
Not to make Joe uneasy by talking too much even if I had been able to talk
much I deferred asking him about Miss Havisham until next day He shook his
head when I then asked him if she had recovered
»Is she dead Joe«
»Why you see old chap« said Joe in a tone of remonstrance and by way of
getting at it by degrees »I wouldnt go so far as to say that for thats a
deal to say but she aint «
»Living Joe«
»Thats nigher where it is« said Joe »she aint living«
»Did she linger long Joe«
»Arter you was took ill pretty much about what you might call if you was
put to it a week« said Joe still determined on my account to come at
everything by degrees
»Dear Joe have you heard what becomes of her property«
»Well old chap« said Joe »it do appear that she had settled the most of
it which I meantersay tied it up on Miss Estella But she had wrote out a
little coddleshell in her own hand a day or two afore the accident leaving a
cool four thousand to Mr Matthew Pocket And why do you suppose above all
things Pip she left that cool four thousand unto him Because of Pips account
of him the said Matthew I am told by Biddy that air the writing« said Joe
repeating the legal turn as if it did him infinite good » account of him the
said Matthew And a cool four thousand Pip«
I never discovered from whom Joe derived the conventional temperature of the
four thousand pounds but it appeared to make the sum of money more to him and
he had a manifest relish in insisting on its being cool
This account gave me great joy as it perfected the only good thing I had
done I asked Joe whether he had heard if any of the other relations had any
legacies
»Miss Sarah« said Joe »she have twentyfive pound perannium fur to buy
pills on account of being bilious Miss Georgiana she have twenty pound down
Mrs whats the name of them wild beasts with humps old chap«
»Camels« said I wondering why he could possibly want to know
Joe nodded »Mrs Camels« by which I presently understood he meant Camilla
»she have five pound fur to buy rushlights to put her in spirits when she wake
up in the night«
The accuracy of these recitals was sufficiently obvious to me to give me
great confidence in Joes information »And now« said Joe »you aint that
strong yet old chap that you can take in more nor one additional shovelfull
today Old Orlick hes been a bustin open a dwellingouse«
»Whose« said I
»Not I grant you but what his manners is given to blusterous« said Joe
apologetically »still a Englishmans ouse is his Castle and castles must not
be busted cept when done in war time And wotsumeer the failings on his part
he were a corn and seedsman in his hart«
»Is it Pumblechooks house that has been broken into then«
»Thats it Pip« said Joe »and they took his till and they took his
cashbox and they drinked his wine and they partook of his wittles and they
slapped his face and they pulled his nose and they tied him up to his bedpust
and they giv him a dozen and they stuffed his mouth full of flowering annuals
to perwent his crying out But he knowed Orlick and Orlicks in the county
jail«
By these approaches we arrived at unrestricted conversation I was slow to
gain strength but I did slowly and surely become less weak and Joe stayed with
me and I fancied I was little Pip again
For the tenderness of Joe was so beautifully proportioned to my need that
I was like a child in his hands He would sit and talk to me in the old
confidence and with the old simplicity and in the old unassertive protecting
way so that I would half believe that all my life since the days of the old
kitchen was one of the mental troubles of the fever that was gone He did
everything for me except the household work for which he had engaged a very
decent woman after paying off the laundress on his first arrival »Which I do
assure you Pip« he would often say in explanation of that liberty »I found
her a tapping the spare bed like a cask of beer and drawing off the feathers
in a bucket for sale Which she would have tapped yourn next and drawd it off
with you a laying on it and was then a carrying away the coals gradiwally in
the souptureen and wegetable dishes and the wine and spirits in your
Wellington boots«
We looked forward to the day when I should go out for a ride as we had once
looked forward to the day of my apprenticeship And when the day came and an
open carriage was got into the Lane Joe wrapped me up took me in his arms
carried me down to it and put me in as if I were still the small helpless
creature to whom he had so abundantly given of the wealth of his great nature
And Joe got in beside me and we drove away together into the country where
the rich summer growth was already on the trees and on the grass and sweet
summer scents filled all the air The day happened to be Sunday and when I
looked on the loveliness around me and thought how it had grown and changed
and how the little wild flowers had been forming and the voices of the birds
had been strengthening by day and by night under the sun and under the stars
while poor I lay burning and tossing on my bed the mere remembrance of having
burned and tossed there came like a check upon my peace But when I heard the
Sunday bells and looked around a little more upon the outspread beauty I felt
that I was not nearly thankful enough that I was too weak yet to be even that
and I laid my head on Joes shoulder as I had laid it long ago when he had
taken me to the Fair or where not and it was too much for my young senses
More composure came to me after a while and we talked as we used to talk
lying on the grass at the old Battery There was no change whatever in Joe
Exactly what he had been in my eyes then he was in my eyes still just as
simply faithful just as simply right
When we got back again and he lifted me out and carried me so easily
across the court and up the stairs I thought of that eventful Christmas Day
when he had carried me over the marshes We had not yet made any allusion to my
change of fortune nor did I know how much of my late history he was acquainted
with I was so doubtful of myself now and put so much trust in him that I
could not satisfy myself whether I ought to refer to it when he did not
»Have you heard Joe« I asked him that evening upon further consideration
as he smoked his pipe at the window »who my patron was«
»I heerd« returned Joe »as it were not Miss Havisham old chap«
»Did you hear who it was Joe«
»Well I heerd as it were a person what sent the person what giv you the
banknotes at the Jolly Bargemen Pip«
»So it was«
»Astonishing« said Joe in the placidest way
»Did you hear that he was dead Joe« I presently asked with increasing
diffidence
»Which Him as sent the banknotes Pip«
»Yes«
»I think« said Joe after meditating a long time and looking rather
evasively at the windowseat »as I did hear tell that how he were something or
another in a general way in that direction«
»Did you hear anything of his circumstances Joe«
»Not partickler Pip«
»If you would like to hear Joe « I was beginning when Joe got up and came
to my sofa
»Lookee here old chap« said Joe bending over me »Ever the best of
friends aint us Pip«
I was ashamed to answer him
»Werry good then« said Joe as if I had answered »thats all right
thats agreed upon Then why go into subjects old chap which as betwixt two
sech must be for ever onnecessary Theres subjects enough as betwixt two sech
without onnecessary ones Lord To think of your poor sister and her Rampages
And dont you remember Tickler«
»I do indeed Joe«
»Lookee here old chap« said Joe »I done what I could to keep you and
Tickler in sunders but my power were not always fully equal to my inclinations
For when your poor sister had a mind to drop into you it were not so much«
said Joe in his favourite argumentative way »that she dropped into me too if
I put myself in opposition to her but that she dropped into you always heavier
for it I noticed that It aint a grab at a mans whisker nor yet a shake or
two of a man to which your sister was quite welcome that ud put a man off
from getting a little child out of punishment But when that little child is
dropped into heavier for that grab of whisker or shaking then that man
naterally up and says to himself Where is the good as you are a doing I grant
you I see the arm says the man but I dont see the good I call upon you
sir therefore to pint out the good «
»The man says« I observed as Joe waited for me to speak
»The man says« Joe assented »Is he right that man«
»Dear Joe he is always right«
»Well old chap« said Joe »then abide by your words If hes always right
which in general hes more likely wrong hes right when he says this
Supposing ever you kep any little matter to yourself when you was a little
child you kep it mostly because you knowd as J Gargerys power to part you
and Tickler in sunders were not fully equal to his inclinations Theerfore
think no more of it as betwixt two sech and do not let us pass remarks upon
onnecessary subjects Biddy giv herself a deal o trouble with me afore I left
for I am most awful dull as I should view it in this light and viewing it
in this light as I should ser put it Both of which« said Joe quite charmed
with his logical arrangement »being done now this to you a true friend say
Namely You mustnt go a overdoing on it but you must have your supper and
your wineandwater and you must be put betwixt the sheets«
The delicacy with which Joe dismissed this theme and the sweet tact and
kindness with which Biddy who with her womans wit had found me out so soon
had prepared him for it made a deep impression on my mind But whether Joe knew
how poor I was and how my great expectations had all dissolved like our own
marsh mists before the sun I could not understand
Another thing in Joe that I could not understand when it first began to
develop itself but which I soon arrived at a sorrowful comprehension of was
this As I became stronger and better Joe became a little less easy with me In
my weakness and entire dependence on him the dear fellow had fallen into the
old tone and called me by the old names the dear old Pip old chap that now
were music in my ears I too had fallen into the old ways only happy and
thankful that he let me But imperceptibly though I held by them fast Joes
hold upon them began to slacken and whereas I wondered at this at first I
soon began to understand that the cause of it was in me and that the fault of
it was all mine
Ah Had I given Joe no reason to doubt my constancy and to think that in
prosperity I should grow cold to him and cast him off Had I given Joes
innocent heart no cause to feel instinctively that as I got stronger his hold
upon me would be weaker and that he had better loosen it in time and let me go
before I plucked myself away
It was on the third or fourth occasion of my going out walking in the Temple
Gardens leaning on Joes arm that I saw this change in him very plainly We
had been sitting in the bright warm sunlight looking at the river and I
chanced to say as we got up
»See Joe I can walk quite strongly Now you shall see me walk back by
myself«
»Which do not overdo it Pip« said Joe »but I shall be happy fur to see
you able sir«
The last word grated on me but how could I remonstrate I walked no further
than the gate of the gardens and then pretended to be weaker than I was and
asked Joe for his arm Joe gave it me but was thoughtful
I for my part was thoughtful too for how best to check this growing
change in Joe was a great perplexity to my remorseful thoughts That I was
ashamed to tell him exactly how I was placed and what I had come down to I do
not seek to conceal but I hope my reluctance was not quite an unworthy one He
would want to help me out of his little savings I knew and I knew that he
ought not to help me and that I must not suffer him to do it
It was a thoughtful evening with both of us But before we went to bed I
had resolved that I would wait over tomorrow tomorrow being Sunday and would
begin my new course with the new week On Monday morning I would speak to Joe
about this change I would lay aside this last vestige of reserve I would tell
him what I had in my thoughts that Secondly not yet arrived at and why I had
not decided to go out to Herbert and then the change would be conquered for
ever As I cleared Joe cleared and it seemed as though he had sympathetically
arrived at a resolution too
We had a quiet day on the Sunday and we rode out into the country and then
walked in the fields
»I feel thankful that I have been ill Joe« I said
»Dear old Pip old chap youre amost come round sir«
»It has been a memorable time for me Joe«
»Likeways for myself sir« Joe returned
»We have had a time together Joe that I can never forget There were days
once I know that I did for a while forget but I never shall forget these«
»Pip« said Joe appearing a little hurried and troubled »there has been
larks And dear sir what have been betwixt us have been«
At night when I had gone to bed Joe came into my room as he had done all
through my recovery He asked me if I felt sure that I was as well as in the
morning
»Yes dear Joe quite«
»And are always a getting stronger old chap«
»Yes dear Joe steadily«
Joe patted the coverlet on my shoulder with his great good hand and said
in what I thought a husky voice »Good night«
When I got up in the morning refreshed and stronger yet I was full of my
resolution to tell Joe all without delay I would tell him before breakfast I
would dress at once and go to his room and surprise him for it was the first
day I had been up early I went to his room and he was not there Not only was
he not there but his box was gone
I hurried then to the breakfasttable and on it found a letter These were
its brief contents
»Not wishful to intrude I have departured fur you are well again dear
Pip and will do better without
JO
PS Ever the best of friends«
Enclosed in the letter was a receipt for the debt and costs on which I had been
arrested Down to that moment I had vainly supposed that my creditor had
withdrawn or suspended proceedings until I should be quite recovered I had
never dreamed of Joes having paid the money but Joe had paid it and the
receipt was in his name
What remained for me now but to follow him to the dear old forge and there
to have out my disclosure to him and my penitent remonstrance with him and
there to relieve my mind and heart of that reserved Secondly which had begun as
a vague something lingering in my thoughts and had formed into a settled
purpose
The purpose was that I would go to Biddy that I would show her how humbled
and repentant I came back that I would tell her how I had lost all I once hoped
for that I would remind her of our old confidences in my first unhappy time
Then I would say to her »Biddy I think you once liked me very well when my
errant heart even while it strayed away from you was quieter and better with
you than it ever has been since If you can like me only half as well once more
if you can take me with all my faults and disappointments on my head if you can
receive me like a forgiven child and indeed I am as sorry Biddy and have as
much need of a hushing voice and a soothing hand I hope I am a little worthier
of you than I was not much but a little And Biddy it shall rest with you
to say whether I shall work at the forge with Joe or whether I shall try for
any different occupation down in this country or whether we shall go away to a
distant place where an opportunity awaits me which I set aside when it was
offered until I knew your answer And now dear Biddy if you can tell me that
you will go through the world with me you will surely make it a better world
for me and me a better man for it and I will try hard to make it a better
world for you«
Such was my purpose After three days more of recovery I went down to the
old place to put it in execution And how I sped in it is all I have left to
tell
Chapter LVIII
The tidings of my high fortunes having had a heavy fall had got down to my
native place and its neighbourhood before I got there I found the Blue Boar in
possession of the intelligence and I found that it made a great change in the
Boars demeanour Whereas the Boar had cultivated my good opinion with warm
assiduity when I was coming into property the Boar was exceedingly cool on the
subject now that I was going out of property
It was evening when I arrived much fatigued by the journey I had so often
made so easily The Boar could not put me into my usual bedroom which was
engaged probably by some one who had expectations and could only assign me a
very indifferent chamber among the pigeons and postchaises up the yard But I
had as sound a sleep in that lodging as in the most superior accommodation the
Boar could have given me and the quality of my dreams was about the same as in
the best bedroom
Early in the morning while my breakfast was getting ready I strolled round
by Satis House There were printed bills on the gate and on bits of carpet
hanging out of the windows announcing a sale by auction of the Household
Furniture and Effects next week The House itself was to be sold as old
building materials and pulled down LOT 1 was marked in whitewashed knockknee
letters on the brewhouse LOT 2 on that part of the main building which had
been so long shut up Other lots were marked off on other parts of the
structure and the ivy had been torn down to make room for the inscriptions and
much of it trailed low in the dust and was withered already Stepping in for a
moment at the open gate and looking around me with the uncomfortable air of a
stranger who had no business there I saw the auctioneers clerk walking on the
casks and telling them off for the information of a catalogue compiler pen in
hand who made a temporary desk of the wheeled chair I had so often pushed along
to the tune of Old Clem
When I got back to my breakfast in the Boars coffeeroom I found Mr
Pumblechook conversing with the landlord Mr Pumblechook not improved in
appearance by his late nocturnal adventure was waiting for me and addressed me
in the following terms
»Young man I am sorry to see you brought low But what else could be
expected what else could be expected«
As he extended his hand with a magnificently forgiving air and as I was
broken by illness and unfit to quarrel I took it
»William« said Mr Pumblechook to the waiter »put a muffin on table And
has it come to this Has it come to this«
I frowningly sat down to my breakfast Mr Pumblechook stood over me and
poured out my tea before I could touch the teapot with the air of a
benefactor who was resolved to be true to the last
»William« said Mr Pumblechook mournfully »put the salt on In happier
times« addressing me »I think you took sugar And did you take milk You did
Sugar and milk William bring a watercress«
»Thank you« said I shortly »but I dont eat watercresses«
»You dont eat em« returned Mr Pumblechook sighing and nodding his head
several times as if he might have expected that and as if abstinence from
watercresses were consistent with my downfall »True The simple fruits of the
earth No You neednt bring any William«
I went on with my breakfast and Mr Pumblechook continued to stand over me
staring fishily and breathing noisily as he always did
»Little more than skin and bone« mused Mr Pumblechook aloud »And yet
when he went away from here I may say with my blessing and I spread afore him
my humble store like the Bee he was as plump as a Peach«
This reminded me of the wonderful difference between the servile manner in
which he had offered his hand in my new prosperity saying »May I« and the
ostentatious clemency with which he had just now exhibited the same fat five
fingers
»Hah« he went on handing me the breadandbutter »And air you a going to
Joseph«
»In Heavens name« said I firing in spite of myself »what does it matter
to you where I am going Leave that teapot alone«
It was the worst course I could have taken because it gave Pumblechook the
opportunity he wanted
»Yes young man« said he releasing the handle of the article in question
retiring a step or two from my table and speaking for the behoof of the
landlord and waiter at the door »I will leave that teapot alone You are right
young man For once you are right I forgit myself when I take such an interest
in your breakfast as to wish your frame exhausted by the debilitating effects
of prodigygality to be stimilated by the olesome nourishment of your
forefathers And yet« said Pumblechook turning to the landlord and waiter and
pointing me out at arms length »this is him as I ever sported with in his days
of happy infancy Tell me not it cannot be I tell you this is him«
A low murmur from the two replied The waiter appeared to be particularly
affected
»This is him« said Pumblechook »as I have rode in my shaycart This is
him as I have seen brought up by hand This is him untoe the sister of which I
was uncle by marriage as her name was Georgiana Mria from her own mother let
him deny it if he can«
The waiter seemed convinced that I could not deny it and that it gave the
case a black look
»Young man« said Pumblechook screwing his head at me in the old fashion
»you air a going to Joseph What does it matter to me you ask me where you air
a going I say to you Sir you air a going to Joseph«
The waiter coughed as if he modestly invited me to get over that
»Now« said Pumblechook and all this with a most exasperating air of saying
in the cause of virtue what was perfectly convincing and conclusive »I will
tell you what to say to Joseph Here is Squires of the Boar present known and
respected in this town and here is William which his fathers name was Potkins
if I do not deceive myself«
»You do not sir« said William
»In their presence« pursued Pumblechook »I will tell you young man what
to say to Joseph Says you Joseph I have this day seen my earliest benefactor
and the founder of my fortuns I will name no names Joseph but so they are
pleased to call him uptown and I have seen that man «
»I swear I dont see him here« said I
»Say that likewise« retorted Pumblechook »Say you said that and even
Joseph will probably betray surprise«
»There you quite mistake him« said I »I know better«
»Says you« Pumblechook went on » Joseph I have seen that man and that
man bears you no malice and bears me no malice He knows your character Joseph
and is well acquainted with your pigheadedness and ignorance and he knows my
character Joseph and he knows my want of gratitoode Yes Joseph says you«
here Pumblechook shook his head and hand at me » he knows my total deficiency
of common human gratitoode He knows it Joseph as none can You do not know
it Joseph having no call to know it but that man do «
Windy donkey as he was it really amazed me that he could have the face to
talk thus to mine
»Says you Joseph he gave me a little message which I will now repeat It
was that in my being brought low he saw the finger of Providence He knowed
that finger when he saw it Joseph and he saw it plain It pinted out this
writing Joseph Reward of ingratitoode to earliest benefactor and founder of
fortuns But that man said that he did not repent of what he had done Joseph
Not at all It was right to do it it was kind to do it it was benevolent to do
it and he would do it again «
»Its a pity« said I scornfully as I finished my interrupted breakfast
»that the man did not say what he had done and would do again«
»Squires of the Boar« Pumblechook was now addressing the landlord »and
William I have no objections to your mentioning either uptown or downtown
if such should be your wishes that it was right to do it kind to do it
benevolent to do it and that I would do it again«
With those words the Impostor shook them both by the hand with an air and
left the house leaving me much more astonished than delighted by the virtues of
that same indefinite it I was not long after him in leaving the house too and
when I went down the Highstreet I saw him holding forth no doubt to the same
effect at his shop door to a select group who honoured me with very
unfavourable glances as I passed on the opposite side of the way
But it was only the pleasanter to turn to Biddy and to Joe whose great
forbearance shone more brightly than before if that could be contrasted with
this brazen pretender I went towards them slowly for my limbs were weak but
with a sense of increasing relief as I drew nearer to them and a sense of
leaving arrogance and untruthfulness further and further behind
The June weather was delicious The sky was blue the larks were soaring
high over the green corn I thought all that countryside more beautiful and
peaceful by far than I had ever known it to be yet Many pleasant pictures of
the life that I would lead there and of the change for the better that would
come over my character when I had a guiding spirit at my side whose simple faith
and clear homewisdom I had proved beguiled my way They awakened a tender
emotion in me for my heart was softened by my return and such a change had
come to pass that I felt like one who was toiling home barefoot from distant
travel and whose wanderings had lasted many years
The schoolhouse where Biddy was mistress I had never seen but the little
roundabout lane by which I entered the village for quietness sake took me past
it I was disappointed to find that the day was a holiday no children were
there and Biddys house was closed Some hopeful notion of seeing her busily
engaged in her daily duties before she saw me had been in my mind and was
defeated
But the forge was a very short distance off and I went towards it under
the sweet green limes listening for the clink of Joes hammer Long after I
ought to have heard it and long after I had fancied I heard it and found it but
a fancy all was still The limes were there and the white thorns were there
and the chestnuttrees were there and their leaves rustled harmoniously when I
stopped to listen but the clink of Joes hammer was not in the midsummer wind
Almost fearing without knowing why to come in view of the forge I saw it
at last and saw that it was closed No gleam of fire no glittering shower of
sparks no roar of bellows all shut up and still
But the house was not deserted and the best parlour seemed to be in use
for there were white curtains fluttering in its window and the window was open
and gay with flowers I went softly towards it meaning to peep over the
flowers when Joe and Biddy stood before me arm in arm
At first Biddy gave a cry as if she thought it was my apparition but in
another moment she was in my embrace I wept to see her and she wept to see me
I because she looked so fresh and pleasant she because I looked so worn and
white
»But dear Biddy how smart you are«
»Yes dear Pip«
»And Joe how smart you are«
»Yes dear old Pip old chap«
I looked at both of them from one to the other and then
»Its my weddingday« cried Biddy in a burst of happiness »and I am
married to Joe«
They had taken me into the kitchen and I had laid my head down on the old deal
table Biddy held one of my hands to her lips and Joes restoring touch was on
my shoulder »Which he warnt strong enough my dear fur to be surprised« said
Joe And Biddy said »I ought to have thought of it dear Joe but I was too
happy« They were both so overjoyed to see me so proud to see me so touched by
my coming to them so delighted that I should have come by accident to make
their day complete
My first thought was one of great thankfulness that I had never breathed
this last baffled hope to Joe How often while he was with me in my illness
had it risen to my lips How irrevocable would have been his knowledge of it if
he had remained with me but another hour
»Dear Biddy« said I »you have the best husband in the whole world and if
you could have seen him by my bed you would have But no you couldnt love him
better than you do«
»No I couldnt indeed« said Biddy
»And dear Joe you have the best wife in the whole world and she will make
you as happy as even you deserve to be you dear good noble Joe«
Joe looked at me with a quivering lip and fairly put his sleeve before his
eyes
»And Joe and Biddy both as you have been to church today and are in
charity and love with all mankind receive my humble thanks for all you have
done for me and all I have so ill repaid And when I say that I am going away
within the hour for I am soon going abroad and that I shall never rest until I
have worked for the money with which you have kept me out of prison and have
sent it to you dont think dear Joe and Biddy that if I could repay it a
thousand times over I suppose I could cancel a farthing of the debt I owe you
or that I would do so if I could«
They were both melted by these words and both entreated me to say no more
»But I must say more Dear Joe I hope you will have children to love and
that some little fellow will sit in this chimney corner of a winter night who
may remind you of another little fellow gone out of it for ever Dont tell him
Joe that I was thankless dont tell him Biddy that I was ungenerous and
unjust only tell him that I honoured you both because you were both so good
and true and that as your child I said it would be natural to him to grow up
a much better man than I did«
»I aint a going« said Joe from behind his sleeve »to tell him nothink o
that natur Pip Nor Biddy aint Nor yet no one aint«
»And now though I know you have already done it in your own kind hearts
pray tell me both that you forgive me Pray let me hear you say the words
that I may carry the sound of them away with me and then I shall be able to
believe that you can trust me and think better of me in the time to come«
»O dear old Pip old chap« said Joe »God knows as I forgive you if I have
anythink to forgive«
»Amen And God knows I do« echoed Biddy
»Now let me go up and look at my old little room and rest there a few
minutes by myself And then when I have eaten and drunk with you go with me as
far as the fingerpost dear Joe and Biddy before we say goodbye«
I sold all I had and put aside as much as I could for a composition with my
creditors who gave me ample time to pay them in full and I went out and
joined Herbert Within a month I had quitted England and within two months I
was clerk to Clarriker and Co and within four months I assumed my first
undivided responsibility For the beam across the parlour ceiling at Mill Pond
Bank had then ceased to tremble under old Bill Barleys growls and was at
peace and Herbert had gone away to marry Clara and I was left in sole charge
of the Eastern Branch until he brought her back
Many a year went round before I was a partner in the House but I lived
happily with Herbert and his wife and lived frugally and paid my debts and
maintained a constant correspondence with Biddy and Joe It was not until I
became third in the Firm that Clarriker betrayed me to Herbert but he then
declared that the secret of Herberts partnership had been long enough upon his
conscience and he must tell it So he told it and Herbert was as much moved
as amazed and the dear fellow and I were not the worse friends for the long
concealment I must not leave it to be supposed that we were ever a great House
or that we made mints of money We were not in a grand way of business but we
had a good name and worked for our profits and did very well We owed so much
to Herberts ever cheerful industry and readiness that I often wondered how I
had conceived that old idea of his inaptitude until I was one day enlightened
by the reflection that perhaps the inaptitude had never been in him at all but
had been in me
Chapter LIX
For eleven years I had not seen Joe nor Biddy with my bodily eyes though they
had both been often before my fancy in the East when upon an evening in
December an hour or two after dark I laid my hand softly on the latch of the
old kitchen door I touched it so softly that I was not heard and I looked in
unseen There smoking his pipe in the old place by the kitchen firelight as
hale and as strong as ever though a little grey sat Joe and there fenced
into the corner with Joes leg and sitting on my own little stool looking at
the fire was I again
»We giv him the name of Pip for your sake dear old chap« said Joe
delighted when I took another stool by the childs side but I did not rumple
his hair »and we hoped he might grow a little bit like you and we think he
do«
I thought so too and I took him out for a walk next morning and we talked
immensely understanding one another to perfection And I took him down to the
churchyard and set him on a certain tombstone there and he showed me from that
elevation which stone was sacred to the memory of Philip Pirrip late of this
Parish and Also Georgiana Wife of the Above
»Biddy« said I when I talked with her after dinner as her little girl lay
sleeping in her lap »you must give Pip to me one of these days or lend him
at all events«
»No no« said Biddy gently »You must marry«
»So Herbert and Clara say but I dont think I shall Biddy I have so
settled down in their home that its not at all likely I am already quite an
old bachelor«
Biddy looked down at her child and put its little hand to her lips and
then put the good matronly hand with which she had touched it into mine There
was something in the action and in the light pressure of Biddys weddingring
that had a very pretty eloquence in it
»Dear Pip« said Biddy »you are sure you dont fret for her«
»O no I think not Biddy«
»Tell me as an old friend Have you quite forgotten her«
»My dear Biddy I have forgotten nothing in my life that ever had a foremost
place there and little that ever had any place there But that poor dream as I
once used to call it has all gone by Biddy all gone by«
Nevertheless I knew while I said those words that I secretly intended to
revisit the site of the old house that evening alone for her sake Yes even
so For Estellas sake
I had heard of her as leading a most unhappy life and as being separated
from her husband who had used her with great cruelty and who had become quite
renowned as a compound of pride avarice brutality and meanness And I had
heard of the death of her husband from an accident consequent on his
illtreatment of a horse This release had befallen her some two years before
for anything I knew she was married again
The early dinnerhour at Joes left me abundance of time without hurrying
my talk with Biddy to walk over to the old spot before dark But what with
loitering on the way to look at old objects and to think of old times the day
had quite declined when I came to the place
There was no house now no brewery no building whatever left but the wall
of the old garden The cleared space had been enclosed with a rough fence and
looking over it I saw that some of the old ivy had struck root anew and was
growing green on low quiet mounds of ruin A gate in the fence standing ajar I
pushed it open and went in
A cold silvery mist had veiled the afternoon and the moon was not yet up to
scatter it But the stars were shining beyond the mist and the moon was
coming and the evening was not dark I could trace out where every part of the
old house had been and where the brewery had been and where the gates and
where the casks I had done so and was looking along the desolate gardenwalk
when I beheld a solitary figure in it
The figure showed itself aware of me as I advanced It had been moving
towards me but it stood still As I drew nearer I saw it to be the figure of a
woman As I drew nearer yet it was about to turn away when it stopped and let
me come up with it Then it faltered as if much surprised and uttered my name
and I cried out
»Estella«
»I am greatly changed I wonder you know me«
The freshness of her beauty was indeed gone but its indescribable majesty
and its indescribable charm remained Those attractions in it I had seen
before what I had never seen before was the saddened softened light of the
once proud eyes what I had never felt before was the friendly touch of the
once insensible hand
We sat down on a bench that was near and I said »After so many years it
is strange that we should thus meet again Estella here where our first meeting
was Do you often come back«
»I have never been here since«
»Nor I«
The moon began to rise and I thought of the placid look at the white
ceiling which had passed away The moon began to rise and I thought of the
pressure on my hand when I had spoken the last words he had heard on earth
Estella was the next to break the silence that ensued between us
»I have very often hoped and intended to come back but have been prevented
by many circumstances Poor poor old place«
The silvery mist was touched with the first rays of the moonlight and the
same rays touched the tears that dropped from her eyes Not knowing that I saw
them and setting herself to get the better of them she said quietly
»Were you wondering as you walked along how it came to be left in this
condition«
»Yes Estella«
»The ground belongs to me It is the only possession I have not
relinquished Everything else has gone from me little by little but I have
kept this It was the subject of the only determined resistance I made in all
the wretched years«
»Is it to be built on«
»At last it is I came here to take leave of it before its change And you«
she said in a voice of touching interest to a wanderer »you live abroad
still«
»Still«
»And do well I am sure«
»I work pretty hard for a sufficient living and therefore Yes I do
well«
»I have often thought of you« said Estella
»Have you«
»Of late very often There was a long hard time when I kept far from me the
remembrance of what I had thrown away when I was quite ignorant of its worth
But since my duty has not been incompatible with the admission of that
remembrance I have given it a place in my heart«
»You have always held your place in my heart« I answered
And we were silent again until she spoke
»I little thought« said Estella »that I should take leave of you in taking
leave of this spot I am very glad to do so«
»Glad to part again Estella To me parting is a painful thing To me the
remembrance of our last parting has been ever mournful and painful«
»But you said to me« returned Estella very earnestly » God bless you God
forgive you And if you could say that to me then you will not hesitate to say
that to me now now when suffering has been stronger than all other teaching
and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be I have been bent and
broken but hope into a better shape Be as considerate and good to me as
you were and tell me we are friends«
»We are friends« said I rising and bending over her as she rose from the
bench
»And will continue friends apart« said Estella
I took her hand in mine and we went out of the ruined place and as the
morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge so the evening
mists were rising now and in all the broad expanse of tranquil light they
showed to me I saw no shadow of another parting from her