Gaskell Elizabeth Cleghorn
Ruth
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Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell
Ruth
Chapter I
The Dressmakers Apprentice at Work
There is an assizetown in one of the eastern counties which was much
distinguished by the Tudor sovereigns and in consequence of their favour and
protection attained a degree of importance that surprises the modern traveller
A hundred years ago its appearance was that of picturesque grandeur The old
houses which were the temporary residences of such of the county families as
contented themselves with the gaieties of a provincial town crowded the
streets and gave them the irregular but noble appearance yet to be seen in the
cities of Belgium The sides of the streets had a quaint richness from the
effect of the gables and the stacks of chimneys which cut against the blue sky
above while if the eye fell lower down the attention was arrested by all
kinds of projections in the shape of balcony and oriel and it was amusing to
see the infinite variety of windows that had been crammed into the walls long
before Mr Pitts days of taxation The streets below suffered from all these
projections and advanced storeys above they were dark and illpaved with
large round jolting pebbles and with no sidepath protected by kerbstones
there were no lampposts for long winter nights and no regard was paid to the
wants of the middle class who neither drove about in coaches of their own nor
were carried by their own men in their own sedans into the very halls of their
friends The professional men and their wives the shopkeepers and their
spouses and all such people walked about at considerable peril both night and
day The broad unwieldy carriages hemmed them up against the houses in the
narrow streets The inhospitable houses projected their flights of steps almost
into the carriageway forcing pedestrians again into the danger they had
avoided for twenty or thirty paces Then at night the only light was derived
from the glaring flaring oillamps hung above the doors of the more
aristocratic mansions just allowing space for the passersby to become visible
before they again disappeared into the darkness where it was no uncommon thing
for robbers to be in waiting for their prey
The traditions of those bygone times even to the smallest social
particular enable one to understand more clearly the circumstances which
contributed to the formation of character The daily life into which people are
bom and into which they are absorbed before they are well aware forms chains
which only one in a hundred has moral strength enough to despise and to break
when the right time comes when an inward necessity for independent individual
action arises which is superior to all outward conventionalities Therefore it
is well to know what were the chains of daily domestic habit which were the
natural leadingstrings of our forefathers before they learnt to go alone
The picturesqueness of those ancient streets has departed now The Astleys
the Dunstans the Waverhams names of power in that district go up duly to
London in the season and have sold their residences in the county town fiftyyears ago or more And when the county town lost its attraction for the
Astleys the Dunstans the Waverhams how could it be supposed that the
Domvilles the Bextons and the Wildes would continue to go and winter there in
their secondrate houses and with their increased expenditure So the grand old
houses stood empty awhile and then speculators ventured to purchase and to
turn the deserted mansions into many smaller dwellings fitted for professional
men or even bend your ear lower lest the shade of Marmaduke first Baron
Waverham hear into shops
Even that was not so very bad compared with the next innovation on the old
glories The shopkeepers found out that the once fashionable street was dark
and that the dingy light did not show off their goods to advantage the surgeon
could not see to draw his patients teeth the lawyer had to ring for candles an
hour earlier than he was accustomed to do when living in a more plebeian street
In short by mutual consent the whole front of one side of the street was
pulled down and rebuilt in the flat mean unrelieved style of George the
Third The body of the houses was too solidly grand to submit to alteration so
people were occasionally surprised after passing through a commonplacelooking
shop to find themselves at the foot of a grand carved oaken staircase lighted
by a window of stained glass storied all over with armorial bearings
Up such a stair past such a window through which the moonlight fell on
her with a glory of many colours Ruth Hilton passed wearily one January
night now many years ago I call it night but strictly speaking it was
morning Two oclock in the morning chimed forth the old bells of St Saviours
And yet more than a dozen girls still sat in the room into which Ruth entered
stitching away as if for very life not daring to gape or show any outward
manifestation of sleepiness They only sighed a little when Ruth told Mrs Mason
the hour of the night as the result of her errand for they knew that stay up
as late as they might the workhours of the next day must begin at eight and
their young limbs were very weary
Mrs Mason worked away as hard as any of them but she was older and
tougher and besides the gains were hers But even she perceived that some
rest was needed »Young ladies there will be an interval allowed of
halfanhour Ring the bell Miss Sutton Martha shall bring you up some bread
and cheese and beer You will be so good as to eat it standing away from the
dresses and to have your hands washed ready for work when I return In
halfanhour« said she once more very distinctly and then she left the room
It was curious to watch the young girls as they instantaneously availed
themselves of Mrs Masons absence One fat particularly heavylooking damsel
laid her head on her folded arms and was asleep in a moment refusing to be
wakened for her share in the frugal supper but springing up with a frightened
look at the sound of Mrs Masons returning footstep even while it was still
far off on the echoing stairs Two or three others huddled over the scanty
fireplace which with every possible economy of space and no attempt whatever
at anything of grace or ornament was inserted in the slight flatlooking wall
that had been run up by the present owner of the property to portion off this
division of the grand old drawingroom of the mansion Some employed the time in
eating their bread and cheese with as measured and incessant a motion of the
jaws and almost as stupidly placid an expression of countenance as you may
see in cows ruminating in the first meadow you happen to pass
Some held up admiringly the beautiful balldress in progress while others
examined the effect backing from the object to be criticised in the true
artistic manner Others stretched themselves into all sorts of postures to
relieve the weary muscles one or two gave vent to all the yawns coughs and
sneezes that had been pent up so long in the presence of Mrs Mason But Ruth
Hilton sprang to the large old window and pressed against it as a bird presses
against the bars of its cage She put back the blind and gazed into the quiet
moonlight night It was doubly light almost as much so as day for everything
was covered with the deep snow which had been falling silently ever since the
evening before The window was in a square recess the old strange little panes
of glass had been replaced by those which gave more light A little distance
off the feathery branches of a larch waved softly to and fro in the scarcely
perceptible nightbreeze Poor old larch the time had been when it had stood in
a pleasant lawn with the tender grass creeping caressingly up its very trunk
but now the lawn was divided into yards and squalid back premises and the larch
was pent up and girded about with flagstones The snow lay thick on its boughs
and now and then fell noiselessly down The old stables had been added to and
altered into a dismal street of meanlooking houses back to back with the
ancient mansions And over all these changes from grandeur to squalor bent down
the purple heavens with their unchanging splendour
Ruth pressed her hot forehead against the cold glass and strained her
aching eyes in gazing out on the lovely sky of a winters night The impulse was
strong upon her to snatch up a shawl and wrapping it round her head to sally
forth and enjoy the glory and time was when that impulse would have been
instantly followed but now Ruths eyes filled with tears and she stood quite
still dreaming of the days that were gone Some one touched her shoulder while
her thoughts were far away remembering past January nights which had resembled
this and were yet so different
»Ruth love« whispered a girl who had unwillingly distinguished herself by
a long hard fit of coughing »come and have some supper You dont know yet how
it helps one through the night«
»One run one blow of the fresh air would do me more good« said Ruth
»Not such a night as this« replied the other shivering at the very
thought
»And why not such a night as this Jenny« answered Ruth »Oh at home I
have many a time run up the lane all the way to the mill just to see the
icicles hang on the great wheel and when I was once out I could hardly find
in my heart to come in even to mother sitting by the fire even to mother«
she added in a low melancholy tone which had something of inexpressible
sadness in it »Why Jenny« said she rousing herself but not before her eyes
were swimming in tears »own now that you never saw those dismal hateful
tumbledown old houses there look half so what shall I call them almost
beautiful as they do now with that soft pure exquisite covering and if
they are so improved think of what trees and grass and ivy must be on such a
night as this«
Jenny could not be persuaded into admiring the winters night which to her
came only as a cold and dismal time when her cough was more troublesome and
the pain in her side worse than usual But she put her arm round Ruths neck
and stood by her glad that the orphan apprentice who was not yet inured to the
hardship of a dressmakers workroom should find so much to give her pleasure in
such a common occurrence as a frosty night
They remained deep in separate trains of thought till Mrs Masons step was
heard when each returned supperless but refreshed to her seat
Ruths place was the coldest and the darkest in the room although she liked
it the best she had instinctively chosen it for the sake of the wall opposite
to her on which was a remnant of the beauty of the old drawingroom which must
once have been magnificent to judge from the faded specimen left It was
divided into panels of pale seagreen picked out with white and gold and on
these panels were painted were thrown with the careless triumphant hand of a
master the most lovely wreaths of flowers profuse and luxuriant beyond
description and so reallooking that you could almost fancy you smelt their
fragrance and heard the south wind go softly rustling in and out among the
crimson roses the branches of purple and white lilac the floating
goldentressed laburnum boughs Besides these there were stately white lilies
sacred to the Virgin hollyhocks fraxinella monkshood pansies primroses
every flower which blooms profusely in charming oldfashioned country gardens
was there depicted among its graceful foliage but not in the wild disorder in
which I have enumerated them At the bottom of the panel lay a holly branch
whose stiff straightness was ornamented by a twining drapery of English ivy and
mistletoe and winter aconite while down either side hung pendent garlands of
spring and autumn flowers and crowning all came gorgeous summer with the
sweet muskroses and the richcoloured flowers of June and July
Surely Monnoyer or whoever the deadandgone artist might be would have
been gratified to know the pleasure his handiwork even in its wane had power
to give to the heavy heart of a young girl for they conjured up visions of
other sisterflowers that grew and blossomed and withered away in her early
home
Mrs Mason was particularly desirous that her workwomen should exert
themselves tonight for on the next the annual huntball was to take place
It was the one gaiety of the town since the assizeballs had been discontinued
Many were the dresses she had promised should be sent home without fail the next
morning she had not let one slip through her fingers for fear if it did it
might fall into the hands of the rival dressmaker who had just established
herself in the very same street
She determined to administer a gentle stimulant to the flagging spirits and
with a little preliminary cough to attract attention she began
»I may as well inform you young ladies that I have been requested this
year as on previous occasions to allow some of my young people to attend in
the antechamber of the assemblyroom with sandal ribbon pins and such little
matters and to be ready to repair any accidental injury to the ladies dresses
I shall send four of the most diligent« She laid a marked emphasis on the
last words but without much effect they were too sleepy to care for any of the
pomps and vanities or indeed for any of the comforts of this world excepting
one sole thing their beds
Mrs Mason was a very worthy woman but like many other worthy women she
had her foibles and one very natural to her calling was to pay an extreme
regard to appearances Accordingly she had already selected in her own mind the
four girls who were most likely to do credit to the establishment and these
were secretly determined upon although it was very well to promise the reward
to the most diligent She was really not aware of the falseness of this conduct
being an adept in that species of sophistry with which people persuade
themselves that what they wish to do is right
At last there was no resisting the evidence of weariness They were told to
go to bed but even that welcome command was languidly obeyed Slowly they
folded up their work heavily they moved about until at length all was put
away and they trooped up the wide dark staircase
»Oh how shall I get through five years of these terrible nights in that
close room and in that oppressive stillness which lets every sound of the
thread be heard as it goes eternally backwards and forwards« sobbed out Ruth
as she threw herself on her bed without even undressing herself
»Nay Ruth you know it wont be always as it has been tonight We often
get to bed by ten oclock and byandby you wont mind the closeness of the
room Youre wornout tonight or you would not have minded the sound of the
needle I never hear it Come let me unfasten you« said Jenny
»What is the use of undressing We must be up again and at work in three
hours«
»And in those three hours you may get a great deal of rest if you will but
undress yourself and fairly go to bed Come love«
Jennys advice was not resisted but before Ruth went to sleep she said
»Oh I wish I was not so cross and impatient I dont think I used to be«
»No I am sure not Most new girls get impatient at first but it goes off
and they dont care much for anything after a while Poor child shes asleep
already« said Jenny to herself
She could not sleep or rest The tightness at her side was worse than usual
She almost thought she ought to mention it in her letters home but then she
remembered the premium her father had struggled hard to pay and the large
family younger than herself that had to be cared for and she determined to
bear on and trust that when the warm weather came both the pain and the cough
would go away She would be prudent about herself
What was the matter with Ruth She was crying in her sleep as if her heart
would break Such agitated slumber could be no rest so Jenny wakened her
»Ruth Ruth«
»Oh Jenny« said Ruth sitting up in bed and pushing back the masses of
hair that were heating her forehead »I thought I saw mamma by the side of the
bed coming as she used to do to see if I were asleep and comfortable and when
I tried to take hold of her she went away and left me alone I dont know
where so strange«
»It was only a dream you know youd been talking about her to me and
youre feverish with sitting up late Go to sleep again and Ill watch and
waken you if you seem uneasy«
»But youll be so tired Oh dear dear« Ruth was asleep again even while
she sighed
Morning came and though their rest had been short the girls arose
refreshed
»Miss Sutton Miss Jennings Miss Booth and Miss Hilton you will see that
you are ready to accompany me to the shirehall by eight oclock«
One or two of the girls looked astonished but the majority having
anticipated the selection and knowing from experience the unexpressed rule by
which it was made received it with the sullen indifference which had become
their feeling with regard to most events a deadened sense of life consequent
upon their unnatural mode of existence their sedentary days and their frequent
nights of late watching
But to Ruth it was inexplicable She had yawned and loitered and looked
off at the beautiful panel and lost herself in thoughts of home until she
fully expected the reprimand which at any other time she would have been sure to
receive and now to her surprise she was singled out as one of the most
diligent
Much as she longed for the delight of seeing the noble shirehall the
boast of the county and of catching glimpses of the dancers and hearing the
band much as she longed for some variety to the dull monotonous life she was
leading she could not feel happy to accept a privilege granted as she
believed in ignorance of the real state of the case so she startled her
companions by rising abruptly and going up to Mrs Mason who was finishing a
dress which ought to have been sent home two hours before
»If you please Mrs Mason I was not one of the most diligent I am afraid
I believe I was not diligent at all I was very tired and I could not help
thinking and when I think I cant attend to my work« She stopped believing
she had sufficiently explained her meaning but Mrs Mason would not understand
and did not wish for any further elucidation
»Well my dear you must learn to think and work too or if you cant do
both you must leave off thinking Your guardian you know expects you to make
great progress in your business and I am sure you wont disappoint him«
But that was not to the point Ruth stood still an instant although Mrs
Mason resumed her employment in a manner which any one but a new girl would have
known to be intelligible enough that she did not wish for any more conversation
just then
»But as I was not diligent I ought not to go maam Miss Wood was far more
industrious than I and many of the others«
»Tiresome girl« muttered Mrs Mason »Ive half a mind to keep her at home
for plaguing me so« But looking up she was struck afresh with the remarkable
beauty which Ruth possessed such a credit to the house with her waving outline
of figure her striking face with dark eyebrows and dark lashes combined with
auburn hair and a fair complexion No diligent or idle Ruth Hilton must appear
tonight
»Miss Hilton« said Mrs Mason with stiff dignity »I am not accustomed as
these young ladies can tell you to have my decisions questioned What I say I
mean and I have my reasons So sit down if you please and take care and be
ready by eight Not a word more« as she fancied she saw Ruth again about to
speak
»Jenny you ought to have gone not me« said Ruth in no low voice to Miss
Wood as she sat down by her
»Hush Ruth I could not go if I might because of my cough I would rather
give it up to you than any one if it were mine to give And suppose it is then
take the pleasure as my present and tell me every bit about it when you come
home tonight«
»Well I shall take it in that way and not as if Id earned it which I
havent So thank you You cant think how I shall enjoy it now I did work
diligently for five minutes last night after I heard of it I wanted to go so
much But I could not keep it up Oh dear and I shall really hear a band and
see the inside of that beautiful shirehall«
Chapter II
Ruth Goes to the ShireHall
In due time that evening Mrs Mason collected her young ladies for an
inspection of their appearance before proceeding to the shirehall Her eager
important hurried manner of summoning them was not unlike that of a hen
clucking her chickens together and to judge from the close investigation they
had to undergo it might have been thought that their part in the evenings
performance was to be far more important than that of temporary ladiesmaids
»Is that your best frock Miss Hilton« asked Mrs Mason in a
halfdissatisfied tone turning Ruth about for it was only her Sunday black
silk and was somewhat worn and shabby
»Yes maam« answered Ruth quietly
»Oh indeed Then it will do« still the halfsatisfied tone »Dress young
ladies you know is a very secondary consideration Conduct is everything
Still Miss Hilton I think you should write and ask your guardian to send you
some money for another gown I am sorry I did not think of it before«
»I do not think he would send any if I wrote« answered Ruth in a low
voice »He was angry when I wanted a shawl when the cold weather set in«
Mrs Mason gave her a little push of dismissal and Ruth fell into the ranks
by her friend Miss Wood
»Never mind Ruthie youre prettier than any of them« said a merry
goodnatured girl whose plainness excluded her from any of the envy of rivalry
»Yes I know I am pretty« said Ruth sadly »but I am sorry I have no better
gown for this is very shabby I am ashamed of it myself and I can see Mrs
Mason is twice as much ashamed I wish I need not go I did not know we should
have to think about our own dress at all or I should not have wished to go«
»Never mind Ruth« said Jenny »youve been looked at now and Mrs Mason
will soon be too busy to think about you and your gown«
»Did you hear Ruth Hilton say she knew she was pretty« whispered one girl
to another so loudly that Ruth caught the words
»I could not help knowing« answered she simply »for many people have told
me so«
At length these preliminaries were over and they were walking briskly
through the frosty air the free motion was so inspiriting that Ruth almost
danced along and quite forgot all about shabby gowns and grumbling guardians
The shirehall was even more striking than she had expected The sides of the
staircase were painted with figures that showed ghostly in the dim light for
only their faces looked out of the dark dingy canvas with a strange fixed
stare of expression
The young milliners had to arrange their wares on tables in the anteroom
and make all ready before they could venture to peep into the ballroom where
the musicians were already tuning their instruments and where one or two
charwomen strange contrast with their dirty loose attire and their incessant
chatter to the grand echoes of the vaulted room were completing the dusting
of benches and chairs
They quitted the place as Ruth and her companions entered They had talked
lightly and merrily in the anteroom but now their voices were hushed awed by
the old magnificence of the vast apartment It was so large that objects showed
dim at the further end as through a mist Fulllength figures of county
worthies hung around in all varieties of costume from the days of Holbein to
the present time The lofty roof was indistinct for the lamps were not fully
lighted yet while through the richlypainted Gothic window at one end the
moonbeams fell manytinted on the floor and mocked with their vividness the
struggles of the artificial light to illuminate its little sphere
High above sounded the musicians fitfully trying some strain of which they
were not certain Then they stopped playing and talked and their voices
sounded goblinlike in their dark recess where candles were carried about in an
uncertain wavering manner reminding Ruth of the flickering zigzag motion of
the willothewisp
Suddenly the room sprang into the full blaze of light and Ruth felt less
impressed with its appearance and more willing to obey Mrs Masons sharp
summons to her wandering flock than she had been when it was dim and
mysterious They had presently enough to do in rendering offices of assistance
to the ladies who thronged in and whose voices drowned all the muffled sound of
the band Ruth had longed so much to hear Still if one pleasure was less
another was greater than she had anticipated
On condition of such a number of little observances that Ruth thought Mrs
Mason would never have ended enumerating them they were allowed during the
dances to stand at a sidedoor and watch And what a beautiful sight it was
Floating away to that bounding musicnow far away like garlands of fairies now
near and showing as lovely women with every ornament of graceful dress the
élite of the county danced on little caring whose eyes gazed and were dazzled
Outside all was cold and colourless and uniform one coating of snow over
all But inside it was warm and glowing and vivid flowers scented the air
and wreathed the head and rested on the bosom as if it were midsummer Bright
colours flashed on the eye and were gone and succeeded by others as lovely in
the rapid movement of the dance Smiles dimpled every face and low tones of
happiness murmured indistinctly through the room in every pause of the music
Ruth did not care to separate figures that formed a joyous and brilliant
whole it was enough to gaze and dream of the happy smoothness of the lives in
which such music and such profusion of flowers of jewels elegance of every
description and beauty of all shapes and hues were everyday things She did
not want to know who the people were although to hear a catalogue of names
seemed to be the great delight of most of her companions
In fact the enumeration rather disturbed her and to avoid the shock of
too rapid a descent into the commonplace world of Miss Smiths and Mr Thomsons
she returned to her post in the anteroom There she stood thinking or
dreaming She was startled back to actual life by a voice close to her One of
the dancing young ladies had met with a misfortune Her dress of some gossamer
material had been looped up by nosegays of flowers and one of these had fallen
off in the dance leaving her gown to trail To repair this she had begged her
partner to bring her to the room where the assistants should have been None
were there but Ruth
»Shall I leave you« asked the gentleman »Is my absence necessary«
»Oh no« replied the lady »a few stitches will set all to rights Besides
I dare not enter that room by myself« So far she spoke sweetly and prettily
But now she addressed Ruth »Make haste dont keep me an hour« And her voice
became cold and authoritative
She was very pretty with long dark ringlets and sparkling black eyes These
had struck Ruth in the hasty glance she had taken before she knelt down to her
task She also saw that the gentleman was young and elegant
»Oh that lovely galop how I long to dance to it Will it never be done
What a frightful time you are taking and Im dying to return in time for this
galop«
By way of showing a pretty childlike impatience she began to beat time
with her feet to the spirited air the band was playing Ruth could not darn the
rent in her dress with this continual motion and she looked up to remonstrate
As she threw her head back for this purpose she caught the eye of the gentleman
who was standing by it was so expressive of amusement at the airs and graces of
his pretty partner that Ruth was infected by the feeling and had to bend her
face down to conceal the smile that mantled there But not before he had seen
it and not before his attention had been thereby drawn to consider the kneeling
figure that habited in black up to the throat with the noble head bent down
to the occupation in which she was engaged formed such a contrast to the
flippant bright artificial girl who sat to be served with an air as haughty
as a queen on her throne
»Oh Mr Bellingham Im ashamed to detain you so long I had no idea any
one could have spent so much time over a little tear No wonder Mrs Mason
charges so much for dressmaking if her workwomen are so slow«
It was meant to be witty but Mr Bellingham looked grave He saw the
scarlet colour of annoyance flush to that beautiful cheek which was partially
presented to him He took a candle from the table and held it so that Ruth had
more light She did not look up to thank him for she felt ashamed that he
should have seen the smile which she had caught from him
»I am sorry I have been so long maam« said she gently as she finished
her work »I was afraid it might tear out again if I did not do it carefully«
She rose
»I would rather have had it torn than have missed that charming galop« said
the young lady shaking out her dress as a bird shakes its plumage »Shall we
go Mr Bellingham« looking up at him
He was surprised that she gave no word or sign of thanks to the assistant
He took up a camellia that some one had left on the table
»Allow me Miss Duncombe to give this in your name to this young lady as
thanks for her dexterous help«
»Oh of course« said she
Ruth received the flower silently but with a grave modest motion of her
head They had gone and she was once more alone Presently her companions
returned
»What was the matter with Miss Duncombe Did she come here« asked they
»Only her lace dress was torn and I mended it« answered Ruth quickly
»Did Mr Bellingham come with her they say hes going to be married to
her Did he come Ruth«
»Yes« said Ruth and relapsed into silence
Mr Bellingham danced on gaily and merrily through the night and flirted
with Miss Duncombe as he thought good But he looked often to the sidedoor
where the milliners apprentices stood and once he recognised the tall slight
figure and the rich auburn hair of the girl in black and then his eye sought
for the camellia It was there snowy white in her bosom And he danced on more
gaily than ever
The cold grey dawn was drearily lighting up the streets when Mrs Mason and
her company returned home The lamps were extinguished yet the shutters of the
shops and dwellinghouses were not opened All sounds had an echo unheard by day
One or two houseless beggars sat on doorsteps and shivering slept with heads
bowed on their knees or resting against the cold hard support afforded by the
wall
Ruth felt as if a dream had melted away and she were once more in the
actual world How long it would be even in the most favourable chance before
she should again enter the shirehall or hear a band of music or even see
again those bright happy people as much without any semblance of care or woe
as if they belonged to another race of beings Had they ever to deny themselves
a wish much less a want Literally and figuratively their lives seemed to
wander through flowery pleasurepaths Here was cold biting midwinter for her
and such as her for those poor beggars almost a season of death but to Miss
Duncombe and her companions a happy merry time when flowers still bloomed
and fires crackled and comforts and luxuries were piled around them like fairy
gifts What did they know of the meaning of the word so terrific to the poor
What was winter to them But Ruth fancied that Mr Bellingham looked as if he
could understand the feelings of those removed from him by circumstance and
station He had drawn up the windows of his carriage it is true with a
shudder
Ruth then had been watching him
Yet she had no idea that any association made her camellia precious to her
She believed it was solely on account of its exquisite beauty that she tended it
so carefully She told Jenny every particular of its presentation with open
straightlooking eye and without the deepening of a shade of colour
»Was it not kind of him You cant think how nicely he did it just when I
was a little bit mortified by her ungracious ways«
»It was very nice indeed« replied Jenny »Such a beautiful flower I wish
it had some scent«
»I wish it to be exactly as it is it is perfect So pure« said Ruth
almost clasping her treasure as she placed it in water »Who is Mr Bellingham«
»He is son to that Mrs Bellingham of the Priory for whom we made the grey
satin pelisse« answered Jenny sleepily
»That was before my time« said Ruth But there was no answer Jenny was
asleep
It was long before Ruth followed her example Even on a winter day it was
clear morning light that fell upon her face as she smiled in her slumber Jenny
would not waken her but watched her face with admiration it was so lovely in
its happiness
»She is dreaming of last night« thought Jenny
It was true she was but one figure flitted more than all the rest through
her visions He presented flower after flower to her in that baseless morning
dream which was all too quickly ended The night before she had seen her dead
mother in her sleep and she wakened weeping And now she dreamed of Mr
Bellingham and smiled
And yet was this a more evil dream than the other
The realities of life seemed to cut more sharply against her heart than
usual that morning The late hours of the preceding nights and perhaps the
excitement of the evening before had indisposed her to bear calmly the rubs and
crosses which beset all Mrs Masons young ladies at times
For Mrs Mason though the first dressmaker in the county was human after
all and suffered like her apprentices from the same causes that affected
them This morning she was disposed to find fault with everything and
everybody She seemed to have risen with the determination of putting the world
and all that it contained her world at least to rights before night and
abuses and negligences which had long passed unreproved or winked at were
today to be dragged to light and sharply reprimanded Nothing less than
perfection would satisfy Mrs Mason at such times
She had her ideas of justice too but they were not divinely beautiful and
true ideas they were something more resembling a grocers or teadealers ideas
of equal right A little overindulgence last night was to be balanced by a good
deal of overseverity today and this manner of rectifying previous errors
fully satisfied her conscience
Ruth was not inclined for or capable of much extra exertion and it would
have tasked all her powers to have pleased her superior The workroom seemed
filled with sharp calls »Miss Hilton where have you put the blue Persian
Whenever things are mislaid I know it has been Miss Hiltons evening for siding
away«
»Miss Hilton was going out last night so I offered to clear the workroom
for her I will find it directly maam« answered one of the girls
»Oh I am well aware of Miss Hiltons custom of shuffling off her duties
upon any one who can be induced to relieve her« replied Mrs Mason
Ruth reddened and tears sprang to her eyes but she was so conscious of the
falsity of the accusation that she rebuked herself for being moved by it and
raising her head gave a proud look round as if in appeal to her companions
»Where is the skirt of Lady Farnhams dress The flounces not put on I am
surprised May I ask to whom this work was entrusted yesterday« inquired Mrs
Mason fixing her eyes on Ruth
»I was to have done it but I made a mistake and had to undo it I am very
sorry«
»I might have guessed certainly There is little difficulty to be sure in
discovering when work has been neglected or spoilt into whose hands it has
fallen«
Such were the speeches which fell to Ruths share on this day of all days
when she was least fitted to bear them with equanimity
In the afternoon it was necessary for Mrs Mason to go a few miles into the
country She left injunctions and orders and directions and prohibitions
without end but at last she was gone and in the relief of her absence Ruth
laid her arms on the table and burying her head began to cry aloud with
weak unchecked sobs
»Dont cry Miss Hilton« »Ruthie never mind the old dragon« »How will
you bear on for five years if you dont spirit yourself up not to care a straw
for what she says« were some of the modes of comfort and sympathy
administered by the young workwomen
Jenny with a wiser insight into the grievance and its remedy said
»Suppose Ruth goes out instead of you Fanny Barton to do the errands The
fresh air will do her good and you know you dislike the cold east winds while
Ruth says she enjoys frost and snow and all kinds of shivery weather«
Fanny Barton was a great sleepylooking girl huddling over the fire No one
so willing as she to relinquish the walk on this bleak afternoon when the east
wind blew keenly down the street drying up the very snow itself There was no
temptation to come abroad for those who were not absolutely obliged to leave
their warm rooms indeed the dusk hour showed that it was the usual teatime
for the humble inhabitants of that part of the town through which Ruth had to
pass on her shopping expedition As she came to the high ground just above the
river where the street sloped rapidly down to the bridge she saw the flat
country beyond all covered with snow making the black dome of the cloudladen
sky appear yet blacker as if the winters night had never fairly gone away but
had hovered on the edge of the world all through the short bleak day Down by
the bridge where there was a little shelving bank used as a landingplace for
any pleasureboats that could float on that shallow stream some children were
playing and defying the cold one of them had got a large washingtub and with
the use of a broken oar kept steering and pushing himself hither and thither in
the little creek much to the admiration of his companions who stood gravely
looking on immovable in their attentive observation of the hero although their
faces were blue with cold and their hands crammed deep into their pockets with
some faint hope of finding warmth there Perhaps they feared that if they
unpacked themselves from their lumpy attitudes and began to move about the
cruel wind would find its way into every cranny of their tattered dress They
were all huddled up and still with eyes intent on the embryo sailor At last
one little man envious of the reputation that his playfellow was acquiring by
his daring called out
»Ill set thee a craddy Tom Thou darnt go over yon black line in the
water out into the real river«
Of course the challenge was not to be refused and Tom paddled away towards
the dark line beyond which the river swept with smooth steady current Ruth a
child in years herself stood at the top of the declivity watching the
adventurer but as unconscious of any danger as the group of children below At
their playfellows success they broke through the calm gravity of observation
into boisterous marks of applause clapping their hands and stamping their
impatient little feet and shouting »Well done Tom thou hast done it rarely«
Tom stood in childish dignity for a moment facing his admirers then in an
instant his washingtub boat was whirled round and he lost his balance and
fell out and both he and his boat were carried away slowly but surely by the
strong full river which eternally moved onwards to the sea
The children shrieked aloud with terror and Ruth flew down to the little
bay and far into its shallow waters before she felt how useless such an action
was and that the sensible plan would have been to seek for efficient help
Hardly had this thought struck her when louder and sharper than the sullen
roar of the stream that was ceaselessly and unrelentingly flowing on came the
splash of a horse galloping through the water in which she was standing Past
her like lightning down in the stream swimming along with the current a
stooping rider an outstretched grasping arm a little life redeemed and a
child saved to those who loved it Ruth stood dizzy and sick with emotion while
all this took place and when the rider turned the swimming horse and slowly
breasted up the river to the landingplace she recognised him as the Mr
Bellingham of the night before He carried the unconscious child across his
horse the body hung in so lifeless a manner that Ruth believed it was dead and
her eyes were suddenly blinded with tears She waded back to the beach to the
point towards which Mr Bellingham was directing his horse
»Is he dead« asked she stretching out her arms to receive the little
fellow for she instinctively felt that the position in which he hung was not
the most conducive to returning consciousness if indeed it would ever return
»I think not« answered Mr Bellingham as he gave the child to her before
springing off his horse »Is he your brother Do you know who he is«
»Look« said Ruth who had sat down upon the ground the better to prop the
poor lad »his hand twitches he lives oh sir he lives Whose boy is he« to
the people who came hurrying and gathering to the spot at the rumour of an
accident
»Hes old Nelly Brownsons« said they »Her grandson«
»We must take him into a house directly« said she »Is his home far off«
»No no its just close by«
»One of you go for a doctor at once« said Mr Bellingham authoritatively
»and bring him to the old womans without delay You must not hold him any
longer« he continued speaking to Ruth and remembering her face now for the
first time »your dress is dripping wet already Here you fellow take him up
dye see«
But the childs hand had nervously clenched Ruths dress and she would not
have him disturbed She carried her heavy burden very tenderly towards a mean
little cottage indicated by the neighbours an old crippled woman was coming out
of the door shaking all over with agitation
»Dear heart« said she »hes the last of em all and hes gone afore me«
»Nonsense« said Mr Bellingham »the boy is alive and likely to live«
But the old woman was helpless and hopeless and insisted on believing that
her grandson was dead and dead he would have been if it had not been for Ruth
and one or two of the more sensible neighbours who under Mr Bellinghams
directions bustled about and did all that was necessary until animation was
restored
»What a confounded time those people are in fetching the doctor« said Mr
Bellingham to Ruth between whom and himself a sort of silent understanding had
sprung up from the circumstance of their having been the only two besides mere
children who had witnessed the accident and also the only two to whom a
certain degree of cultivation had given the power of understanding each others
thoughts and even each others words
»It takes so much to knock an idea into such stupid peoples heads They
stood gaping and asking which doctor they were to go for as if it signified
whether it was Brown or Smith so long as he had his wits about him I have no
more time to waste here either I was on the gallop when I caught sight of the
lad and now he has fairly sobbed and opened his eyes I see no use in my
staying in this stifling atmosphere May I trouble you with one thing Will you
be so good as to see that the little fellow has all that he wants If youll
allow me Ill leave you my purse« continued he giving it to Ruth who was
only too glad to have this power entrusted to her of procuring one or two
requisites which she had perceived to be wanted But she saw some gold between
the network she did not like the charge of such riches
»I shall not want so much really sir One sovereign will be plenty more
than enough May I take that out and I will give you back what is left of it
when I see you again or perhaps I had better send it to you sir
I think you had better keep it all at present Oh what a horrid dirty place
this is insufferable two minutes longer You must not stay here youll be
poisoned with this abominable air Come towards the door I beg Well if you
think one sovereign will be enough I will take my purse only remember you
apply to me if you think they want more«
They were standing at the door where some one was holding Mr Bellinghams
horse Ruth was looking at him with her earnest eyes Mrs Mason and her errands
quite forgotten in the interest of the afternoons event her whole thoughts
bent upon rightly understanding and following out his wishes for the little
boys welfare and until now this had been the first object in his own mind But
at this moment the strong perception of Ruths exceeding beauty came again upon
him He almost lost the sense of what he was saying he was so startled with
admiration The night before he had not seen her eyes and now they looked
straight and innocently full at him grave earnest and deep But when she
instinctively read the change in the expression of his countenance she dropped
her large white veiling lids and he thought her face was lovelier still
The irresistible impulse seized him to arrange matters so that he might see
her again before long
»No« said he »I see it would be better that you should keep the purse
Many things may be wanted for the lad which we cannot calculate upon now If I
remember rightly there are three sovereigns and some loose change I shall
perhaps see you again in a few days when if there be any money left in the
purse you can restore it to me«
»Oh yes sir« said Ruth alive to the magnitude of the wants to which she
might have to administer and yet rather afraid of the responsibility implied in
the possession of so much money
»Is there any chance of my meeting you again in this house« asked he
»I hope to come whenever I can sir but I must run in errandtimes and I
dont know when my turn may be«
»Oh« he did not fully understand this answer »I should like to know how
you think the boy is going on if it is not giving you too much trouble do you
ever take walks«
»Not for walkings sake sir«
»Well« said he »you go to church I suppose Mrs Mason does not keep you
at work on Sundays I trust«
»Oh no sir I go to church regularly«
»Then perhaps you will be so good as to tell me what church you go to and
I will meet you there next Sunday afternoon«
»I go to St Nicholas sir I will take care and bring you word how the boy
is and what doctor they get and I will keep an account of the money I spend«
»Very well thank you Remember I trust to you«
He meant that he relied on her promise to meet him but Ruth thought that he
was referring to the responsibility of doing the best she could for the child
He was going away when a fresh thought struck him and he turned back into the
cottage once more and addressed Ruth with a halfsmile on his countenance
»It seems rather strange but we have no one to introduce us my name is
Bellingham yours is«
»Ruth Hilton sir« she answered in a low voice for now that the
conversation no longer related to the boy she felt shy and restrained
He held out his hand to shake hers and just as she gave it to him the old
grandmother came tottering up to ask some question The interruption jarred upon
him and made him once more keenly alive to the closeness of the air and the
squalor and dirt by which he was surrounded
»My good woman« said he to Nelly Brownson »could you not keep your place a
little neater and cleaner It is more fit for pigs than human beings The air in
this room is quite offensive and the dirt and filth is really disgraceful«
By this time he was mounted and bowing to Ruth he rode away
Then the old womans wrath broke out
»Who may you be that knows no better manners than to come into a poor
womans house to abuse it fit for pigs indeed What dye call yon fellow«
»He is Mr Bellingham« said Ruth shocked at the old womans apparent
ingratitude »It was he that rode into the water to save your grandson He would
have been drowned but for Mr Bellingham I thought once they would both have
been swept away by the current it was so strong«
»The river is none so deep either« the old woman said anxious to diminish
as much as possible the obligation she was under to one who had offended her
»Some one else would have saved him if this fine young spark had never been
here Hes an orphan and God watches over orphans they say Id rather it had
been any one else as had picked him out than one who comes into a poor bodys
house only to abuse it«
»He did not come in only to abuse it« said Ruth gently »He came with
little Tom he only said it was not quite so clean as it might be«
»What youre taking up the cry are you Wait till you are an old woman
like me crippled with rheumatiz and a lad to see after like Tom who is always
in mud when he isnt in water and his food and mine to scrape together God
knows were often short and do the best I can and water to fetch up that
steep brow«
She stopped to cough and Ruth judiciously changed the subject and began to
consult the old woman as to the wants of her grandson in which consultation
they were soon assisted by the medical man
When Ruth had made one or two arrangements with a neighbour whom she asked
to procure the most necessary things and had heard from the doctor that all
would be right in a day or two she began to quake at the recollection of the
length of time she had spent at Nelly Brownsons and to remember with some
affright the strict watch kept by Mrs Mason over her apprentices outgoings
and incomings on workingdays She hurried off to the shops and tried to recall
her wandering thoughts to the respective merits of pink and blue as a match to
lilac found she had lost her patterns and went home with illchosen things
and in a fit of despair at her own stupidity
The truth was that the afternoons adventure filled her mind only the
figure of Tom who was now safe and likely to do well was receding into the
background and that of Mr Bellingham becoming more prominent than it had been
His spirited and natural action of galloping into the water to save the child
was magnified by Ruth into the most heroic deed of daring his interest about
the boy was tender thoughtful benevolence in her eyes and his careless
liberality of money was fine generosity for she forgot that generosity implies
some degree of selfdenial She was gratified too by the power of dispensing
comfort he had entrusted to her and was busy with Alnaschar visions of wise
expenditure when the necessity of opening Mrs Masons housedoor summoned her
back into actual present life and the dread of an immediate scolding
For this time however she was spared but spared for such a reason that
she would have been thankful for some blame in preference to her impunity
During her absence Jennys difficulty of breathing had suddenly become worse
and the girls had on their own responsibility put her to bed and were
standing round her in dismay when Mrs Masons return home only a few minutes
before Ruth arrived fluttered them back into the workroom
And now all was confusion and hurry a doctor to be sent for a mind to be
unburdened of directions for a dress to a forewoman who was too ill to
understand scoldings to be scattered with no illiberal hand amongst a group of
frightened girls hardly sparing the poor invalid herself for her inopportune
illness In the middle of all this turmoil Ruth crept quietly to her place with
a heavy saddened heart at the indisposition of the gentle forewoman She would
gladly have nursed Jenny herself and often longed to do it but she could not
be spared Hands unskilful in fine and delicate work would be well enough
qualified to tend the sick until the mother arrived from home Meanwhile extra
diligence was required in the workroom and Ruth found no opportunity of going
to see little Tom or to fulfil the plans for making him and his grandmother
more comfortable which she had proposed to herself She regretted her rash
promise to Mr Bellingham of attending to the little boys welfare all that
she could do was done by means of Mrs Masons servant through whom she made
inquiries and sent the necessary help
The subject of Jennys illness was the prominent one in the house Ruth told
of her own adventure to be sure but when she was at the very crisis of the
boys fall into the river the more fresh and vivid interest of some tidings of
Jenny was brought into the room and Ruth ceased almost blaming herself for
caring for anything besides the question of life or death to be decided in that
very house
Then a pale gentlelooking woman was seen moving softly about and it was
whispered that this was the mother come to nurse her child Everybody liked her
she was so sweetlooking and gave so little trouble and seemed so patient and
so thankful for any inquiries about her daughter whose illness it was
understood although its severity was mitigated was likely to be long and
tedious While all the feelings and thoughts relating to Jenny were predominant
Sunday arrived Mrs Mason went the accustomed visit to her fathers making
some little show of apology to Mrs Wood for leaving her and her daughter the
apprentices dispersed to the various friends with whom they were in the habit of
spending the day and Ruth went to St Nicholas with a sorrowful heart
depressed on account of Jenny and selfreproachful at having rashly undertaken
what she had been unable to perform
As she came out of church she was joined by Mr Bellingham She had half
hoped that he might have forgotten the arrangement and yet she wished to
relieve herself of her responsibility She knew his step behind her and the
contending feelings made her heart beat hard and she longed to run away
»Miss Hilton I believe« said he overtaking her and bowing forward so as
to catch a sight of her rosered face »How is our little sailor going on Well
I trust from the symptoms the other day«
»I believe sir he is quite well now I am very sorry but I have not been
able to go and see him I am so sorry I could not help it But I have got one
or two things through another person I have put them down on this slip of
paper and here is your purse sir for I am afraid I can do nothing more for
him We have illness in the house and it makes us very busy«
Ruth had been so much accustomed to blame of late that she almost
anticipated some remonstrance or reproach now for not having fulfilled her
promise better She little guessed that Mr Bellingham was far more busy trying
to devise some excuse for meeting her again during the silence that succeeded
her speech than displeased with her for not bringing a more particular account
of the little boy in whom he had ceased to feel any interest
She repeated after a minutes pause
»I am very sorry I have done so little sir«
»Oh yes I am sure you have done all you could It was thoughtless in me to
add to your engagements«
»He is displeased with me« thought Ruth »for what he believes to have been
neglect of the boy whose life he risked his own to save If I told all he
would see that I could not do more but I cannot tell him all the sorrows and
worries that have taken up my time«
»And yet I am tempted to give you another little commission if it is not
taking up too much of your time and presuming too much on your good nature«
said he a bright idea having just struck him »Mrs Mason lives in Heneage
Place does not she My mothers ancestors lived there and once when the house
was being repaired she took me in to show me the old place There was an old
huntingpiece painted on a panel over one of the chimneypieces the figures
were portraits of my ancestors I have often thought I should like to purchase
it if it still remained there Can you ascertain this for me and bring me word
next Sunday«
»Oh yes sir« said Ruth glad that this commission was completely within
her power to execute and anxious to make up for her previous seeming neglect
»Ill look directly I get home and ask Mrs Mason to write and let you know«
»Thank you« said he only half satisfied »I think perhaps however it
might be as well not to trouble Mrs Mason about it you see it would compromise
me and I am not quite determined to purchase the picture if you would
ascertain whether the painting is there and tell me I would take a little time
to reflect and afterwards I could apply to Mrs Mason myself«
»Very well sir I will see about it« So they parted
Before the next Sunday Mrs Wood had taken her daughter to her distant home
to recruit in that quiet place Ruth watched her down the street from an upper
window and sighing deep and long returned to the workroom whence the warning
voice and gentle wisdom had departed
Chapter III
Sunday at Mrs Masons
Mr Bellingham attended afternoon service at St Nicholas church the next
Sunday His thoughts had been far more occupied by Ruth than hers by him
although his appearance upon the scene of her life was more an event to her than
it was to him He was puzzled by the impression she had produced on him though
he did not in general analyse the nature of his feelings but simply enjoyed
them with the delight which youth takes in experiencing new and strong emotion
He was old compared to Ruth but young as a man hardly threeandtwenty
The fact of his being an only child had given him as it does to many a sort of
inequality in those parts of the character which are usually formed by the
number of years that a person has lived
The unevenness of discipline to which only children are subjected the
thwarting resulting from overanxiety the indiscreet indulgence arising from
a love centred all in one object had been exaggerated in his education
probably from the circumstance that his mother his only surviving parent had
been similarly situated to himself
He was already in possession of the comparatively small property he
inherited from his father The estate on which his mother lived was her own and
her income gave her the means of indulging or controlling him after he had
grown to mans estate as her wayward disposition and her love of power prompted
her
Had he been doubledealing in his conduct towards her had he condescended
to humour her in the least her passionate love for him would have induced her
to strip herself of all her possessions to add to his dignity or happiness But
although he felt the warmest affection for her the regardlessness which she had
taught him by example perhaps more than by precept of the feelings of
others was continually prompting him to do things that she for the time being
resented as mortal affronts He would mimic the clergyman she specially
esteemed even to his very face he would refuse to visit her schools for months
and months and when wearied into going at last revenge himself by puzzling
the children with the most ridiculous questions gravely put that he could
imagine
All these boyish tricks annoyed and irritated her far more than the accounts
which reached her of more serious misdoings at college and in town Of these
grave offences she never spoke of the smaller misdeeds she hardly ever ceased
speaking
Still at times she had great influence over him and nothing delighted her
more than to exercise it The submission of his will to hers was sure to be
liberally rewarded for it gave her great happiness to extort from his
indifference or his affection the concessions which she never sought by force
of reason or by appeals to principle concessions which he frequently
withheld solely for the sake of asserting his independence of her control
She was anxious for him to marry Miss Duncombe He cared little or nothing
about it it was time enough to be married ten years hence and so he was
dawdling through some months of his life sometimes flirting with the
nothingloth Miss Duncombe sometimes plaguing and sometimes delighting his
mother at all times taking care to please himself when he first saw Ruth
Hilton and a new passionate hearty feeling shot through his whole being He
did not know why he was so fascinated by her She was very beautiful but he had
seen others equally beautiful and with many more agaceries calculated to set
off the effect of their charms
There was perhaps something bewitching in the union of the grace and
loveliness of womanhood with the naïveté simplicity and innocence of an
intelligent child There was a spell in the shyness which made her avoid and
shun all admiring approaches to acquaintance It would be an exquisite delight
to attract and tame her wildness just as he had often allured and tamed the
timid fawns in his mothers park
By no overbold admiration or rash passionate word would he startle her
and surely in time she might be induced to look upon him as a friend if not
something nearer and dearer still
In accordance with this determination he resisted the strong temptation of
walking by her side the whole distance home after church He only received the
intelligence she brought respecting the panel with thanks spoke a few words
about the weather bowed and was gone Ruth believed she should never see him
again and in spite of sundry selfupbraidings for her folly she could not
help feeling as if a shadow were drawn over her existence for several days to
come
Mrs Mason was a widow and had to struggle for the sake of the six or seven
children left dependent on her exertions thus there was some reason and great
excuse for the pinching economy which regulated her household affairs
On Sundays she chose to conclude that all her apprentices had friends who
would be glad to see them to dinner and give them a welcome reception for the
remainder of the day while she and those of her children who were not at
school went to spend the day at her fathers house several miles out of the
town Accordingly no dinner was cooked on Sundays for the young workwomen no
fires were lighted in any rooms to which they had access On this morning they
breakfasted in Mrs Masons own parlour after which the room was closed against
them through the day by some understood though unspoken prohibition
What became of such as Ruth who had no home and no friends in that large
populous desolate town She had hitherto commissioned the servant who went to
market on Saturdays for the family to buy her a bun or biscuit whereon she
made her fasting dinner in the deserted workroom sitting in her walkingdress
to keep off the cold which clung to her in spite of shawl and bonnet Then she
would sit at the window looking out on the dreary prospect till her eyes were
often blinded by tears and partly to shake off thoughts and recollections the
indulgence in which she felt to be productive of no good and partly to have
some ideas to dwell upon during the coming week beyond those suggested by the
constant view of the same room she would carry her Bible and place herself
upon the windowseat on the wide landing which commanded the street in front of
the house From thence she could see the irregular grandeur of the place she
caught a view of the grey churchtower rising hoary and massive into midair
she saw one or two figures loiter along on the sunny side of the street in all
the enjoyment of their fine clothes and Sunday leisure and she imagined
histories for them and tried to picture to herself their homes and their daily
doings
And before long the bells swung heavily in the churchtower and struck
out with musical clang the first summons to afternoon church
After church was over she used to return home to the same windowseat and
watch till the winter twilight was over and gone and the stars came out over
the black masses of houses And then she would steal down to ask for a candle
as a companion to her in the deserted workroom Occasionally the servant would
bring her up some tea but of late Ruth had declined taking any as she had
discovered she was robbing the kindhearted creature of part of the small
provision left out for her by Mrs Mason She sat on hungry and cold trying to
read her Bible and to think the old holy thoughts which had been her childish
meditations at her mothers knee until one after another the apprentices
returned weary with their days enjoyment and their weeks late watching too
weary to make her in any way a partaker of their pleasure by entering into
details of the manner in which they had spent their day
And last of all Mrs Mason returned and summoning her young people once
more into the parlour she read a prayer before dismissing them to bed She
always expected to find them all in the house when she came home but asked no
questions as to their proceedings through the day perhaps because she dreaded
to hear that one or two had occasionally nowhere to go to and that it would be
sometimes necessary to order a Sundays dinner and leave a lighted fire on that
day
For five months Ruth had been an inmate at Mrs Masons and such had been
the regular order of the Sundays While the forewoman stayed there it is true
she was ever ready to give Ruth the little variety of hearing of recreations in
which she was no partaker and however tired Jenny might be at night she had
ever some sympathy to bestow on Ruth for the dull length of day she had passed
After her departure the monotonous idleness of the Sunday seemed worse to bear
than the incessant labour of the workdays until the time came when it seemed to
be a recognised hope in her mind that on Sunday afternoons she should see Mr
Bellingham and hear a few words from him as from a friend who took an interest
in her thoughts and proceedings during the past week
Ruths mother had been the daughter of a poor curate in Norfolk and early
left without parents or home she was thankful to marry a respectable farmer a
good deal older than herself After their marriage however everything seemed
to go wrong Mrs Hilton fell into a delicate state of health and was unable to
bestow the everwatchful attention to domestic affairs so requisite in a
farmers wife Her husband had a series of misfortunes of a more important
kind than the death of a whole brood of turkeys from getting among the nettles
or the year of bad cheeses spoilt by a careless dairymaid which were the
consequences so the neighbours said of Mr Hiltons mistake in marrying a
delicate fine lady His crops failed his horses died his barn took fire in
short if he had been in any way a remarkable character one might have supposed
him to be the object of an avenging fate so successive were the evils which
pursued him but as he was only a somewhat commonplace farmer I believe we
must attribute his calamities to some want in his character of the one quality
required to act as keystone to many excellences While his wife lived all
worldly misfortunes seemed as nothing to him her strong sense and lively
faculty of hope upheld him from despair her sympathy was always ready and the
invalids room had an atmosphere of peace and encouragement which affected all
who entered it But when Ruth was about twelve one morning in the busy haytime
Mrs Hilton was left alone for some hours This had often happened before nor
had she seemed weaker than usual when they had gone forth to the field but on
their return with merry voices to fetch the dinner prepared for the haymakers
they found an unusual silence brooding over the house no low voice called out
gently to welcome them and ask after the days progress and on entering the
little parlour which was called Mrs Hiltons and was sacred to her they
found her lying dead on her accustomed sofa Quite calm and peaceful she lay
there had been no struggle at last the struggle was for the survivors and one
sank under it Her husband did not make much ado at first at least not in
outward show her memory seemed to keep in check all external violence of grief
but day by day dating from his wifes death his mental powers decreased He
was still a halelooking elderly man and his bodily health appeared as good as
ever but he sat for hours in his easychair looking into the fire not moving
nor speaking unless when it was absolutely necessary to answer repeated
questions If Ruth with coaxings and draggings induced him to come out with
her he went with measured steps around his fields his head bent to the ground
with the same abstracted unseeing look never smiling never changing the
expression of his face not even to one of deeper sadness when anything
occurred which might be supposed to remind him of his dead wife But in this
abstraction from all outward things his worldly affairs went ever lower down
He paid money away or received it as if it had been so much water the gold
mines of Potosi could not have touched the deep grief of his soul but God in
His mercy knew the sure balm and sent the Beautiful Messenger to take the weary
one home
After his death the creditors were the chief people who appeared to take
any interest in the affairs and it seemed strange to Ruth to see people whom
she scarcely knew examining and touching all that she had been accustomed to
consider as precious and sacred Her father had made his will at her birth With
the pride of newly and lateacquired paternity he had considered the office of
guardian to his little darling as one which would have been an additional honour
to the lordlieutenant of the county but as he had not the pleasure of his
lordships acquaintance he selected the person of most consequence amongst
those whom he did know not any very ambitious appointment in those days of
comparative prosperity but certainly the flourishing maltster of Skelton was a
little surprised when fifteen years later he learnt that he was executor to a
will bequeathing many vanished hundreds of pounds and guardian to a young girl
whom he could not remember ever to have seen
He was a sensible hardheaded man of the world having a very fair
proportion of conscience as consciences go indeed perhaps more than many
people for he had some ideas of duty extending to the circle beyond his own
family and did not as some would have done decline acting altogether but
speedily summoned the creditors examined into the accounts sold up the
farmingstock and discharged all the debts paid about £80 into the Skelton
bank for a week while he inquired for a situation or apprenticeship of some
kind for poor heartbroken Ruth heard of Mrs Masons arranged all with her in
two short conversations drove over for Ruth in his gig waited while she and
the old servant packed up her clothes and grew very impatient while she ran
with her eyes streaming with tears round the garden tearing off in a passion
of love whole boughs of favourite China and damask roses late flowering against
the casementwindow of what had been her mothers room When she took her seat
in the gig she was little able even if she had been inclined to profit by her
guardians lectures on economy and selfreliance but she was quiet and silent
looking forward with longing to the nighttime when in her bedroom she might
give way to all her passionate sorrow at being wrenched from the home where she
had lived with her parents in that utter absence of any anticipation of change
which is either the blessing or the curse of childhood But at night there were
four other girls in her room and she could not cry before them She watched and
waited till one by one they dropped off to sleep and then she buried her face
in the pillow and shook with sobbing grief and then she paused to conjure up
with fond luxuriance every recollection of the happy days so little valued in
their uneventful peace while they lasted so passionately regretted when once
gone for ever to remember every look and word of the dear mother and to moan
afresh over the change caused by her death the first clouding in of Ruths day
of life It was Jennys sympathy on this first night when awakened by Ruths
irrepressible agony that had made the bond between them But Ruths loving
disposition continually sending forth fibres in search of nutriment found no
other object for regard among those of her daily life to compensate for the want
of natural ties
But almost insensibly Jennys place in Ruths heart was filled up there
was some one who listened with tender interest to all her little revelations
who questioned her about her early days of happiness and in return spoke of
his own childhood not so golden in reality as Ruths but more dazzling when
recounted with stories of the beautiful creamcoloured Arabian pony and the old
picturegallery in the house and avenues and terraces and fountains in the
garden for Ruth to paint with all the vividness of imagination as scenery and
background for the figure which was growing by slow degrees most prominent in
her thoughts
It must not be supposed that this was affected all at once though the
intermediate stages have been passed over On Sunday Mr Bellingham only spoke
to her to receive the information about the panel nor did he come to St
Nicholas the next nor yet the following Sunday But the third he walked by
her side a little way and seeing her annoyance he left her and then she
wished for him back again and found the day very dreary and wondered why a
strange undefined feeling had made her imagine she was doing wrong in walking
alongside of one so kind and good as Mr Bellingham it had been very foolish of
her to be selfconscious all the time and if ever he spoke to her again she
would not think of what people might say but enjoy the pleasure which his kind
words and evident interest in her might give Then she thought it was very
likely he never would notice her again for she knew she had been very rude with
her short answers it was very provoking that she had behaved so rudely She
would be sixteen in another month and she was still childish and awkward Thus
she lectured herself after parting with Mr Bellingham and the consequence
was that on the following Sunday she was ten times as blushing and conscious
and Mr Bellingham thought ten times more beautiful than ever He suggested
that instead of going straight home through High Street she should take the
round by the Leasowes at first she declined but then suddenly wondering and
questioning herself why she refused a thing which was as far as reason and
knowledge her knowledge went so innocent and which was certainly so tempting
and pleasant she agreed to go the round and when she was once in the meadows
that skirted the town she forgot all doubt and awkwardness nay almost forgot
the presence of Mr Bellingham in her delight at the new tender beauty of an
early spring day in February Among the last years brown ruins heaped together
by the wind in the hedgerows she found the fresh green crinkled leaves and
pale starlike flowers of the primroses Here and there a golden celandine made
brilliant the sides of the little brook that full of water in February
filldyke bubbled along by the side of the path the sun was low in the
horizon and once when they came to a higher part of the Leasowes Ruth burst
into an exclamation of delight at the evening glory of mellow light which was in
the sky behind the purple distance while the brown leafless woods in the
foreground derived an almost metallic lustre from the golden mist and haze of
sunset It was but threequarters of a mile round by the meadows but somehow it
took them an hour to walk it Ruth turned to thank Mr Bellingham for his
kindness in taking her home by this beautiful way but his look of admiration at
her glowing animated face made her suddenly silent and hardly wishing him
goodbye she quickly entered the house with a beating happy agitated heart
»How strange it is« she thought that evening »that I should feel as if
this charming afternoons walk were somehow not exactly wrong but yet as if
it were not right Why can it be I am not defrauding Mrs Mason of any of her
time that I know would be wrong I am left to go where I like on Sundays I
have been to church so it cant be because I have missed doing my duty If I
had gone this walk with Jenny I wonder whether I should have felt as I do now
There must be something wrong in me myself to feel so guilty when I have done
nothing which is not right and yet I can thank God for the happiness I have had
in this charming spring walk which dear mamma used to say was a sign when
pleasures were innocent and good for us«
She was not conscious as yet that Mr Bellinghams presence had added any
charm to the ramble and when she might have become aware of this as week
after week Sunday after Sunday loitering ramble after loitering ramble
succeeded each other she was too much absorbed with one set of thoughts to have
much inclination for selfquestioning
»Tell me everything Ruth as you would to a brother let me help you if I
can in your difficulties« he said to her one afternoon And he really did try
to understand and to realise how an insignificant and paltry person like Mason
the dressmaker could be an object of dread and regarded as a person having
authority by Ruth He flamed up with indignation when by way of impressing him
with Mrs Masons power and consequence Ruth spoke of some instance of the
effects of her employers displeasure He declared his mother should never have
a gown made again by such a tyrant such a Mrs Brownrigg that he would
prevent all his acquaintances from going to such a cruel dressmaker till Ruth
was alarmed at the threatened consequences of her onesided account and pleaded
for Mrs Mason as earnestly as if a young mans menace of this description were
likely to be literally fulfilled
»Indeed sir I have been very wrong if you please sir dont be so angry
She is often very good to us it is only sometimes she goes into a passion and
we are very provoking I dare say I know I am for one I have often to undo my
work and you cant think how it spoils anything particularly silk to be
unpicked and Mrs Mason has to bear all the blame Oh I am sorry I said
anything about it Dont speak to your mother about it pray sir Mrs Mason
thinks so much of Mrs Bellinghams custom«
»Well I wont this time« recollecting that there might be some
awkwardness in accounting to his mother for the means by which he had obtained
his very correct information as to what passed in Mrs Masons workroom »but
if ever she does so again Ill not answer for myself«
»I will take care and not tell again sir« said Ruth in a low voice
»Nay Ruth you are not going to have secrets from me are you Dont you
remember your promise to consider me as a brother Go on telling me everything
that happens to you pray you cannot think how much interest I take in all your
interests I can quite fancy that charming home at Milham you told me about last
Sunday I can almost fancy Mrs Masons workroom and that surely is a proof
either of the strength of my imagination or of your powers of description«
Ruth smiled »It is indeed sir Our workroom must be so different to
anything you ever saw I think you must have passed through Milham often on your
way to Lowford«
»Then you dont think it is any stretch of fancy to have so clear an idea as
I have of Milham Grange On the lefthand of the road is it Ruth«
»Yes sir just over the bridge and up the hill where the elmtrees meet
overhead and make a green shade and then comes the dear old Grange that I
shall never see again«
»Never Nonsense Ruthie it is only six miles off you may see it any day
It is not an hours ride«
»Perhaps I may see it again when I am grown old I did not think exactly
what never meant it is so very long since I was there and I dont see any
chance of my going for years and years at any rate«
»Why Ruth you we may go next Sunday afternoon if you like«
She looked up at him with a lovely light of pleasure in her face at the
idea »How sir Can I walk it between afternoonservice and the time Mrs Mason
comes home I would go for only one glimpse but if I could get into the house
oh sir if I could just see mammas room again«
He was revolving plans in his head for giving her this pleasure and he had
also his own in view If they went in any of his carriages the loitering charm
of the walk would be lost and they must to a certain degree be encumbered by
and exposed to the notice of servants
»Are you a good walker Ruth Do you think you can manage six miles If we
set off at two oclock we shall be there by four without hurrying or say
halfpast four Then we might stay two hours and you could show me all the old
walks and old places you love and we could still come leisurely home Oh its
all arranged directly«
»But do you think it would be right sir It seems as if it would be such a
great pleasure that it must be in some way wrong«
»Why you little goose what can be wrong in it«
»In the first place I miss going to church by setting out at two« said
Ruth a little gravely
»Only for once Surely you dont see any harm in missing church for once
You will go in the morning you know«
»I wonder if Mrs Mason would think it right if she would allow it«
»No I dare say not But you dont mean to be governed by Mrs Masons
notions of right and wrong She thought it right to treat that poor girl Palmer
in the way you told me about You would think that wrong you know and so would
every one of sense and feeling Come Ruth dont pin your faith on any one but
judge for yourself The pleasure is perfectly innocent it is not a selfish
pleasure either for I shall enjoy it to the full as much as you will I shall
like to see the places where you spent your childhood I shall almost love them
as much as you do« He had dropped his voice and spoke in low persuasive
tones Ruth hung down her head and blushed with exceeding happiness but she
could not speak even to urge her doubts afresh Thus it was in a manner
settled
How delightfully happy the plan made her through the coming week She was
too young when her mother died to have received any cautions or words of advice
respecting the subject of a womans life if indeed wise parents ever
directly speak of what in its depth and power cannot be put into words which
is a brooding spirit with no definite form or shape that men should know it but
which is there and present before we have recognised and realised its
existence Ruth was innocent and snowpure She had heard of falling in love
but did not know the signs and symptoms thereof nor indeed had she troubled
her head much about them Sorrow had filled up her days to the exclusion of all
lighter thoughts than the consideration of present duties and the remembrance
of the happy time which had been But the interval of blank after the loss of
her mother and during her fathers lifeindeath had made her all the more
ready to value and cling to sympathy first from Jenny and now from Mr
Bellingham To see her home again and to see it with him to show him secure
of his interest the haunts of former times each with its little tale of the
past of deadandgone events No coming shadow threw its gloom over this
weeks dream of happiness a dream which was too bright to be spoken about to
common and indifferent ears
Chapter IV
Treading in Perilous Places
Sunday came as brilliant as if there were no sorrow or death or guilt in the
world a day or two of rain had made the earth fresh and brave as the blue
heavens above Ruth thought it was too strong a realisation of her hopes and
looked for an overclouding at noon but the glory endured and at two oclock
she was in the Leasowes with a beating heart full of joy longing to stop the
hours which would pass too quickly through the afternoon
They sauntered through the fragrant lanes as if their loitering would
prolong the time and check the fieryfooted steeds galloping apace towards the
close of the happy day It was past five oclock before they came to the great
millwheel which stood in Sabbath idleness motionless in a brown mass of
shade and still wet with yesterdays immersion in the deep transparent water
beneath They clambered the little hill not yet fully shaded by the overarching
elms and then Ruth checked Mr Bellingham by a slight motion of the hand which
lay within his arm and glanced up into his face to see what that face should
express as it looked on Milham Grange now lying still and peaceful in its
afternoon shadows It was a house of after thoughts building materials were
plentiful in the neighbourhood and every successive owner had found a necessity
for some addition or projection till it was a picturesque mass of irregularity
of broken light and shadow which as a whole gave a full and complete idea
of a Home All its gables and nooks were blended and held together by the tender
green of the climbing roses and young creepers An old couple were living in the
house until it should be let but they dwelt in the back part and never used
the front door so the little birds had grown tame and familiar and perched
upon the windowsills and porch and on the old stone cistern which caught the
water from the roof
They went silently through the untrimmed garden full of the palecoloured
flowers of spring A spider had spread her web over the front door The sight of
this conveyed a sense of desolation to Ruths heart she thought it was possible
the stateentrance had never been used since her fathers dead body had been
borne forth and without speaking a word she turned abruptly away and went
round the house to another door Mr Bellingham followed without questioning
little understanding her feelings but full of admiration for the varying
expression called out upon her face
The old woman had not yet returned from church or from the weekly gossip or
neighbourly tea which succeeded The husband sat in the kitchen spelling the
psalms for the day in his Prayerbook and reading the words out aloud a habit
he had acquired from the double solitude of his life for he was deaf He did
not hear the quiet entrance of the pair and they were struck with the sort of
ghostly echo which seems to haunt halffurnished and uninhabited houses The
verses he was reading were the following
»Why art thou so vexed O my soul and why art thou so disquieted within me
O put thy trust in God for I will yet thank him which is the help of my
countenance and my God«
And when he had finished he shut the book and sighed with the satisfaction
of having done his duty The words of holy trust though perhaps they were not
fully understood carried a faithful peace down into the depths of his soul As
he looked up he saw the young couple standing in the middle of the floor He
pushed his ironrimmed spectacles on to his forehead and rose to greet the
daughter of his old master and everhonoured mistress
»God bless thee lass God bless thee My old eyes are glad to see thee
again«
Ruth sprang forward to shake the horny hand stretched forward in the action
of blessing She pressed it between both of hers as she rapidly poured out
questions Mr Bellingham was not altogether comfortable at seeing one whom he
had already begun to appropriate as his own so tenderly familiar with a
hardfeatured meanlydressed daylabourer He sauntered to the window and
looked out into the grassgrown farmyard but he could not help overhearing some
of the conversation which seemed to him carried on too much in the tone of
equality »And whos yon« asked the old labourer at last »Is he your
sweetheart Your mississ son I reckon Hes a spruce young chap anyhow«
Mr Bellinghams blood of all the Howards rose and tingled about his ears
so that he could not hear Ruths answer It began by »Hush Thomas pray hush«
but how it went on he did not catch The idea of his being Mrs Masons son It
was really too ridiculous but like most things which are too ridiculous it
made him very angry He was hardly himself again when Ruth shyly came to the
windowrecess and asked him if he would like to see the houseplace into which
the frontdoor entered many people thought it very pretty she said
halftimidly for his face had unconsciously assumed a hard and haughty
expression which he could not instantly soften down He followed her however
but before he left the kitchen he saw the old man standing looking at Ruths
companion with a strange grave air of dissatisfaction
They went along one or two zigzag dampsmelling stone passages and then
entered the houseplace or common sittingroom for a farmers family in that
part of the country The front door opened into it and several other apartments
issued out of it such as the dairy the state bedroom which was halfparlour
as well and a small room which had been appropriated to the late Mrs Hilton
where she sat or more frequently lay commanding through the open door the
comings and goings of her household In those days the houseplace had been a
cheerful room full of life with the passing to and fro of husband child and
servants with a great merry woodfire crackling and blazing away every evening
and hardly let out in the very heat of summer for with the thick stone walls
and the deep windowseats and the drapery of vineleaves and ivy that room
with its flagfloor seemed always to want the sparkle and cheery warmth of a
fire But now the green shadows from without seemed to have become black in the
uninhabited desolation The oaken shovelboard the heavy dresser and the
carved cupboards were now dull and damp which were formerly polished up to the
brightness of a lookingglass where the fireblaze was for ever glinting they
only added to the oppressive gloom the flagfloor was wet with heavy moisture
Ruth stood gazing into the room seeing nothing of what was present She saw a
vision of former days an evening in the days of her childhood her father
sitting in the masters corner near the fire sedately smoking his pipe while
he dreamily watched his wife and child her mother reading to her as she sat on
a little stool at her feet It was gone all gone into the land of shadows but
for the moment it seemed so present in the old room that Ruth believed her
actual life to be the dream Then still silent she went on into her mothers
parlour But there the bleak look of what had once been full of peace and
mothers love struck cold on her heart She uttered a cry and threw herself
down by the sofa hiding her face in her hands while her frame quivered with
her repressed sobs
»Dearest Ruth dont give way so It can do no good it cannot bring back
the dead« said Mr Bellingham distressed at witnessing her distress
»I know it cannot« murmured Ruth »and that is why I cry I cry because
nothing will ever bring them back again« She sobbed afresh but more gently
for his kind words soothed her and softened if they could not take away her
sense of desolation
»Come away I cannot have you stay here full of painful associations as
these rooms must be Come« raising her with gentle violence »show me your
little garden you have often told me about Near the window of this very room
is it not See how well I remember everything you tell me«
He led her round through the back part of the house into the pretty
oldfashioned garden There was a sunny border just under the windows and
clipped box and yewtrees by the grassplat further away from the house and
she prattled again of her childish adventures and solitary plays When they
turned round they saw the old man who had hobbled out with the help of his
stick and was looking at them with the same grave sad look of anxiety
Mr Bellingham spoke rather sharply
»Why does that old man follow us about in that way It is excessively
impertinent of him I think«
»Oh dont call old Thomas impertinent He is so good and kind he is like a
father to me I remember sitting on his knee many and many a time when I was a
child whilst he told me stories out of the Pilgrims Progress He taught me to
suck up milk through a straw Mamma was very fond of him too He used to sit
with us always in the evenings when papa was away at market for mamma was
rather afraid of having no man in the house and used to beg old Thomas to stay
and he would take me on his knee and listen just as attentively as I did while
mamma read aloud«
»You dont mean to say you have sat upon that old fellows knee«
»Oh yes many and many a time«
Mr Bellingham looked graver than he had done while witnessing Ruths
passionate emotion in her mothers room But he lost his sense of indignity in
admiration of his companion as she wandered among the flowers seeking for
favourite bushes or plants to which some history or remembrance was attached
She wound in and out in natural graceful wavy lines between the luxuriant and
overgrown shrubs which were fragrant with a leafy smell of spring growth she
went on careless of watching eyes indeed unconscious for the time of their
existence Once she stopped to take hold of a spray of jessamine and softly
kiss it it had been her mothers favourite flower
Old Thomas was standing by the horsemount and was also an observer of all
her goingson But while Mr Bellinghams feeling was that of passionate
admiration mingled with a selfish kind of love the old man gazed with tender
anxiety and his lips moved in words of blessing
»Shes a pretty creature with a glint of her mother about her and shes
the same kind lass as ever Not a bit set up with yon fine mantymakers shop
shes in I misdoubt that young fellow though for all she called him a real
gentleman and checked me when I asked if he was her sweetheart If his are not
sweethearts looks Ive forgotten all my young days Here theyre going I
suppose Look he wants her to go without a word to the old man but she is none
so changed as that I reckon«
Not Ruth indeed She never perceived the dissatisfied expression of Mr
Bellinghams countenance visible to the old mans keen eye but came running up
to Thomas to send her love to his wife and to shake him many times by the hand
»Tell Mary Ill make her such a fine gown as soon as ever I set up for
myself it shall be all in the fashion big gigot sleeves that she shall not
know herself in them Mind you tell her that Thomas will you«
»Ay that I will lass and I reckon shell be pleased to hear thou hast not
forgotten thy old merry ways The Lord bless thee the Lord lift up the light
of His countenance upon thee«
Ruth was halfway towards the impatient Mr Bellingham when her old friend
called her back He longed to give her a warning of the danger that he thought
she was in and yet he did not know how When she came up all he could think of
to say was a text indeed the language of the Bible was the language in which
he thought whenever his ideas went beyond practical everyday life into
expressions of emotion or feeling »My dear remember the devil goeth about as a
roaring lion seeking whom he may devour remember that Ruth«
The words fell on her ear but gave no definite idea The utmost they
suggested was the remembrance of the dread she felt as a child when this verse
came into her mind and how she used to imagine a lions head with glaring eyes
peering out of the bushes in a dark shady part of the wood which for this
reason she had always avoided and even now could hardly think of without a
shudder She never imagined that the grim warning related to the handsome young
man who awaited her with a countenance beaming with love and tenderly drew her
hand within his arm
The old man sighed as he watched them away »The Lord may help her to guide
her steps aright He may But Im afeard shes treading in perilous places Ill
put my missis up to going to the town and getting speech of her and telling her
a bit of her danger An old motherly woman like our Mary will set about it
better nor a stupid fellow like me«
The poor old labourer prayed long and earnestly that night for Ruth He
called it wrestling for her soul and I think that his prayers were heard for
God judgeth not as man judgeth
Ruth went on her way all unconscious of the dark phantoms of the future
that were gathering around her her melancholy turned with the pliancy of
childish years at sixteen not yet lost into a softened manner which was
infinitely charming Byandby she cleared up into sunny happiness The evening
was still and full of mellow light and the newborn summer was so delicious
that in common with all young creatures she shared its influence and was glad
They stood together at the top of a steep ascent the hill of the hundred
At the summit there was a level space sixty or seventy yards square of
unenclosed and broken ground over which the golden bloom of the gorse cast a
rich hue while its delicious scent perfumed the fresh and nimble air On one
side of this common the ground sloped down to a clear bright pond in which
were mirrored the rough sandcliffs that rose abrupt on the opposite bank
hundreds of martens found a home there and were now wheeling over the
transparent water and dipping in their wings in their evening sport Indeed
all sorts of birds seemed to haunt the lonely pool the waterwagtails were
scattered around its margin the linnets perched on the topmost sprays of the
gorsebushes and other hidden warblers sang their vespers on the uneven ground
beyond On the far side of the green waste close by the road and well placed
for the requirements of horses or their riders who might be weary with the
ascent of the hill there was a publichouse which was more of a farm than an
inn It was a long low building rich in dormerwindows on the weather side
which were necessary in such an exposed situation and with odd projections and
unlookedfor gables on every side there was a deep porch in front on whose
hospitable benches a dozen persons might sit and enjoy the balmy air A noble
sycamore grew right before the house with seats all round it such tents the
patriarchs loved and a nondescript sign hung from a branch on the side next to
the road which being wisely furnished with an interpretation was found to
mean King Charles in the oak
Near this comfortable quiet unfrequented inn there was another pond for
household and farmyard purposes from which the cattle were drinking before
returning to the fields after they had been milked Their very motions were so
lazy and slow that they served to fill up the mind with the sensation of dreamy
rest Ruth and Mr Bellingham plunged through the broken ground to regain the
road near the wayside inn Handinhand now pricked by the farspreading gorse
now ankledeep in sand now pressing the soft thick heath which should make so
brave an autumn show and now over wild thyme and other fragrant herbs they
made their way with many a merry laugh Once on the road at the summit Ruth
stood silent in breathless delight at the view before her The hill fell
suddenly down into the plain extending for a dozen miles or more There was a
clump of dark Scotch firs close to them which cut clear against the western
sky and threw back the nearest levels into distance The plain below them was
richly wooded and was tinted by the young tender hues of the earliest summer
for all the trees of the wood had donned their leaves except the cautious ash
which here and there gave a soft pleasant greyness to the landscape Far away
in the champaign were spires and towers and stacks of chimneys belonging to
some distant hidden farmhouse which were traced downwards through the golden
air by the thin columns of blue smoke sent up from the evening fires The view
was bounded by some rising ground in deep purple shadow against the sunset sky
When first they stopped silent with sighing pleasure the air seemed full
of pleasant noises distant churchbells made harmonious music with the little
singingbirds near at hand nor were the lowings of the cattle nor the calls of
the farmservants discordant for the voices seemed to be hushed by the brooding
consciousness of the Sabbath They stood loitering before the house quietly
enjoying the view The clock in the little inn struck eight and it sounded
clear and sharp in the stillness
»Can it be so late« asked Ruth
»I should not have thought it possible« answered Mr Bellingham »But
never mind you will be at home long before nine Stay there is a shorter road
I know through the fields just wait a moment while I go in and ask the exact
way« He dropped Ruths arm and went into the publichouse
A gig had been slowly toiling up the sandy hill behind unperceived by the
young couple and now it reached the tableland and was close upon them as they
separated Ruth turned round when the sound of the horses footsteps came
distinctly as he reached the level She faced Mrs Mason
They were not ten no not five yards apart At the same moment they
recognised each other and what was worse Mrs Mason had clearly seen with
her sharp needlelike eyes the attitude in which Ruth had stood with the young
man who had just quitted her Ruths hand had been lying in his arm and fondly
held there by his other hand
Mrs Mason was careless about the circumstances of temptation into which the
girls entrusted to her as apprentices were thrown but severely intolerant if
their conduct was in any degree influenced by the force of these temptations
She called this intolerance »keeping up the character of her establishment« It
would have been a better and more Christian thing if she had kept up the
character of her girls by tender vigilance and maternal care
This evening too she was in an irritated state of temper Her brother had
undertaken to drive her round by Henbury in order to give her the unpleasant
information of the misbehaviour of her eldest son who was an assistant in a
drapers shop in a neighbouring town She was full of indignation against want
of steadiness though not willing to direct her indignation against the right
object her neerdoweel darling While she was thus charged with anger for
her brother justly defended her sons master and companions from her attacks
she saw Ruth standing with a lover far away from home at such a time in the
evening and she boiled over with intemperate displeasure
»Come here directly Miss Hilton« she exclaimed sharply Then dropping her
voice to low bitter tones of concentrated wrath she said to the trembling
guilty Ruth
»Dont attempt to show your face at my house again after this conduct I saw
you and your spark too Ill have no slurs on the character of my apprentices
Dont say a word I saw enough I shall write and tell your guardian tomorrow«
The horse started away for he was impatient to be off and Ruth was left
standing there stony sick and pale as if the lightning had torn up the
ground beneath her feet She could not go on standing she was so sick and
faint she staggered back to the broken sandbank and sank down and covered
her face with her hands
»My dearest Ruth are you ill Speak darling My love my love do speak to
me«
What tender words after such harsh ones They loosened the fountain of
Ruths tears and she cried bitterly
»Oh did you see her did you hear what she said«
»She Who my darling Dont sob so Ruth tell me what it is Who has been
near you who has been speaking to you to make you cry so«
»Oh Mrs Mason« And there was a fresh burst of sorrow
»You dont say so are you sure I was not away five minutes«
»Oh yes sir Im quite sure She was so angry she said I must never show
my face there again Oh dear what shall I do«
It seemed to the poor child as if Mrs Masons words were irrevocable and
that being so she was shut out from every house She saw how much she had done
that was deserving of blame now when it was too late to undo it She knew with
what severity and taunts Mrs Mason had often treated her for involuntary
failings of which she had been quite unconscious and now she had really done
wrong and shrank with terror from the consequences Her eyes were so blinded by
the fastfalling tears she did not see nor had she seen would she have been
able to interpret the change in Mr Bellinghams countenance as he stood
silently watching her He was silent so long that even in her sorrow she began
to wonder that he did not speak and to wish to hear his soothing words once
more
»It is very unfortunate« he began at last and then he stopped then he
began again »It is very unfortunate for you see I did not like to name it to
you before but I believe I have business in fact which obliges me to go to
town tomorrow to London I mean and I dont know when I shall be able to
return«
»To London« cried Ruth »are you going away Oh Mr Bellingham« She wept
afresh giving herself up to the desolate feeling of sorrow which absorbed all
the terror she had been experiencing at the idea of Mrs Masons anger It
seemed to her at this moment as though she could have borne everything but his
departure but she did not speak again and after two or three minutes had
elapsed he spoke not in his natural careless voice but in a sort of
constrained agitated tone
»I can hardly bear the idea of leaving you my own Ruth In such distress
too for where you can go I do not know at all From all you have told me of
Mrs Mason I dont think she is likely to mitigate her severity in your case«
No answer but tears quietly incessantly flowing Mrs Masons displeasure
seemed a distant thing his going away was the present distress He went on
»Ruth would you go with me to London My darling I cannot leave you here
without a home the thought of leaving you at all is pain enough but in these
circumstances so friendless so homeless it is impossible You must come
with me love and trust to me«
Still she did not speak Remember how young and innocent and motherless
she was It seemed to her as if it would be happiness enough to be with him and
as for the future he would arrange and decide for that The future lay wrapped
in a golden mist which she did not care to penetrate but if he her sun was
out of sight and gone the golden mist became dark heavy gloom through which no
hope could come He took her hand
»Will you not come with me Do you not love me enough to trust me Oh Ruth
reproachfully can you not trust me«
She had stopped crying but was sobbing sadly
»I cannot bear this love Your sorrow is absolute pain to me but it is
worse to feel how indifferent you are how little you care about our
separation«
He dropped her hand She burst into a fresh fit of crying
»I may have to join my mother in Paris I dont know when I shall see you
again Oh Ruth« said he vehemently »do you love me at all«
She said something in a very low voice he could not hear it though he bent
down his head but he took her hand again
»What was it you said love Was it not that you did love me My darling
you do I can tell it by the trembling of this little hand then you will not
suffer me to go away alone and unhappy most anxious about you There is no
other course open to you my poor girl has no friends to receive her I will go
home directly and return in an hour with a carriage You make me too happy by
your silence Ruth«
»Oh what can I do« exclaimed Ruth »Mr Bellingham you should help me
and instead of that you only bewilder me«
»How my dearest Ruth Bewilder you It seems so clear to me Look at the
case fairly Here you are an orphan with only one person to love you poor
child thrown off for no fault of yours by the only creature on whom you have
a claim that creature a tyrannical inflexible woman what is more natural
and being natural more right than that you should throw yourself upon the
care of the one who loves you dearly who would go through fire and water for
you who would shelter you from all harm Unless indeed as I suspect you do
not care for him If so Ruth if you do not care for me we had better part I
will leave you at once it will be better for me to go if you do not care for
me«
He said this very sadly it seemed so to Ruth at least and made as though
he would have drawn his hand from hers but now she held it with soft force
»Dont leave me please sir It is very true I have no friend but you
Dont leave me please But oh do tell me what I must do«
»Will you do it if I tell you If you will trust me I will do my very best
for you I will give you my best advice You see your position Mrs Mason
writes and gives her own exaggerated account to your guardian he is bound by no
great love to you from what I have heard you say and throws you off I who
might be able to befriend you through my mother perhaps I who could at
least comfort you a little could not I Ruth am away far away for an
indefinite time that is your position at present Now what I advise is this
Come with me into this little inn I will order tea for you I am sure you
require it sadly and I will leave you there and go home for the carriage I
will return in an hour at the latest Then we are together come what may that
is enough for me is it not for you Ruth Say yes say it ever so low but
give me the delight of hearing it Ruth say yes«
Low and soft with much hesitation came the »Yes« the fatal word of which
she so little imagined the infinite consequences The thought of being with him
was all and everything
»How you tremble my darling You are cold love Come into the house and
Ill order tea directly and be off«
She rose and leaning on his arm went into the house She was shaking and
dizzy with the agitation of the last hour He spoke to the civil
farmerlandlord who conducted them into a neat parlour with windows opening
into the garden at the back of the house They had admitted much of the
evenings fragrance through their open casements before they were hastily closed
by the attentive host
»Tea directly for this lady« The landlord vanished
»Dearest Ruth I must go there is not an instant to be lost Promise me to
take some tea for you are shivering all over and deadly pale with the fright
that abominable woman has given you I must go I shall be back in halfanhour
and then no more partings darling«
He kissed her pale cold face and went away The room whirled round before
Ruth it was a dream a strange varying shifting dream with the old home of
her childhood for one scene with the terror of Mrs Masons unexpected
appearance for another and then strangest dizziest happiest of all there
was the consciousness of his love who was all the world to her and the
remembrance of the tender words which still kept up their low soft echo in her
heart
Her head ached so much that she could hardly see even the dusky twilight
was a dazzling glare to her poor eyes and when the daughter of the house
brought in the sharp light of the candles preparatory for tea Ruth hid her
face in the sofa pillows with a low exclamation of pain
»Does your head ache miss« asked the girl in a gentle sympathising
voice »Let me make you some tea miss it will do you good Manys the time
poor mothers headaches were cured by good strong tea«
Ruth murmured acquiescence the young girl about Ruths own age but who
was the mistress of the little establishment owing to her mothers death made
tea and brought Ruth a cup to the sofa where she lay Ruth was feverish and
thirsty and eagerly drank it off although she could not touch the bread and
butter which the girl offered her She felt better and fresher though she was
still faint and weak
»Thank you« said Ruth »Dont let me keep you perhaps you are busy You
have been very kind and the tea has done me a great deal of good«
The girl left the room Ruth became as hot as she had previously been cold
and went and opened the window and leant out into the still sweet evening
air The bush of sweetbrier underneath the window scented the place and the
delicious fragrance reminded her of her old home I think scents affect and
quicken the memory more than either sights or sound for Ruth had instantly
before her eyes the little garden beneath the window of her mothers room with
the old man leaning on his stick watching her just as he had done not three
hours before on that very afternoon
»Dear old Thomas he and Mary would take me in I think they would love me
all the more if I were cast off And Mr Bellingham would perhaps not be so
very long away and he would know where to find me if I stayed at Milham Grange
Oh would it not be better to go to them I wonder if he would be very sorry I
could not bear to make him sorry so kind as he has been to me but I do believe
it would be better to go to them and ask their advice at any rate He would
follow me there and I could talk over what I had better do with the three best
friends I have in the world the only friends I have«
She put on her bonnet and opened the parlourdoor but then she saw the
square figure of the landlord standing at the open housedoor smoking his
evening pipe and looming large and distinct against the dark air and landscape
beyond Ruth remembered the cup of tea she had drunk it must be paid for and
she had no money with her She feared that he would not let her quit the house
without paying She thought that she would leave a note for Mr Bellingham
saying where she was gone and how she had left the house in debt for like a
child all dilemmas appeared of equal magnitude to her and the difficulty of
passing the landlord while he stood there and of giving him an explanation of
the circumstances as far as such explanation was due to him appeared
insuperable and as awkward and fraught with inconvenience as far more serious
situations She kept peeping out of her room after she had written her little
pencilnote to see if the outer door was still obstructed There he stood
motionless enjoying his pipe and looking out into the darkness which gathered
thick with the coming night The fumes of the tobacco were carried by the air
into the house and brought back Ruths sick headache Her energy left her she
became stupid and languid and incapable of spirited exertion she modified her
plan of action to the determination of asking Mr Bellingham to take her to
Milham Grange to the care of her humble friends instead of to London And she
thought in her simplicity that he would instantly consent when he had heard
her reasons
She started up A carriage dashed up to the door She hushed her beating
heart and tried to stop her throbbing head to listen She heard him speaking
to the landlord though she could not distinguish what he said heard the
jingling of money and in another moment he was in the room and had taken her
arm to lead her to the carriage
»Oh sir I want you to take me to Milham Grange« said she holding back
»old Thomas would give me a home«
»Well dearest well talk of all that in the carriage I am sure you will
listen to reason Nay if you will go to Milham you must go in the carriage«
said he hurriedly She was little accustomed to oppose the wishes of any one
obedient and docile by nature and unsuspicious and innocent of any harmful
consequences She entered the carriage and drove towards London
Chapter V
In North Wales
The June of 18 had been glorious and sunny and full of flowers but July came
in with pouring rain and it was a gloomy time for travellers and for
weatherbound tourists who lounged away the days in touching up sketches
dressing flies and reading over again for the twentieth time the few volumes
they had brought with them A number of the Times five days old had been in
constant demand in all the sittingrooms of a certain inn in a little mountain
village of North Wales through a long July morning The valleys around were
filled with thick cold mist which had crept up the hillsides till the hamlet
itself was folded in its white dense curtain and from the innwindows nothing
was seen of the beautiful scenery around The tourists who thronged the rooms
might as well have been wi their dear little bairnies at hame and so some of
them seemed to think as they stood with their faces flattened against the
windowpanes looking abroad in search of an event to fill up the dreary time
How many dinners were hastened that day by way of getting through the morning
let the poor Welsh kitchenmaid say The very village children kept indoors or
if one or two more adventurous stole out into the land of temptation and
puddles they were soon clutched back by angry and busy mothers
It was only four oclock but most of the inmates of the inn thought it must
be between six and seven the morning had seemed so long so many hours had
passed since dinner when a Welsh car drawn by two horses rattled briskly up
to the door Every window of the ark was crowded with faces at the sound the
leathern curtains were undrawn to their curious eyes and out sprang a
gentleman who carefully assisted a wellcloakedup lady into the little inn
despite the landladys assurances of not having a room to spare
The gentleman it was Mr Bellingham paid no attention to the speeches of
the hostess but quietly superintended the unpacking of the carriage and paid
the postillion then turning round with his face to the light he spoke to the
landlady whose voice had been rising during the last five minutes
»Nay Jenny youre strangely altered if you can turn out an old friend on
such an evening as this If I remember right Pen trê Voelas is twenty miles
across the bleakest mountainroad I ever saw«
»Indeed sir and I did not know you Mr Bellingham I believe Indeed
sir Pen trê Voelas is not above eighteen miles we only charge for eighteen
it may not be much above seventeen and were quite full indeed mores the
pity«
»Well but Jenny to oblige me an old friend you can find lodgings out
for some of your people that house across for instance«
»Indeed sir and its at liberty perhaps you would not mind lodging there
yourself I could get you the best rooms and send over a trifle or so of
furniture if they werent as youd wish them to be«
»No Jenny here I stay Youll not induce me to venture over into those
rooms whose dirt I know of old Cant you persuade some one who is not an old
friend to move across Say if you like that I had written beforehand to
bespeak the rooms Oh I know you can manage it I know your goodnatured
ways«
»Indeed sir Well Ill see if you and the lady will just step into the
backparlour sir theres no one there just now the lady is keeping her bed
today for a cold and the gentleman is having a rubber at whist in number
three Ill see what I can do«
»Thank you thank you Is there a fire if not one must be lighted Come
Ruthie come«
He led the way into a large bowwindowed room which looked gloomy enough
that afternoon but which I have seen bright and buoyant with youth and hope
within and sunny lights creeping down the purple mountain slope and stealing
over the green soft meadows till they reached the little garden full of roses
and lavenderbushes lying close under the window I have seen but I shall see
no more
»I did not know you had been here before« said Ruth as Mr Bellingham
helped her off with her cloak
»Oh yes three years ago I was here on a reading party We were here above
two months attracted by Jennys kind heart and oddities but driven away
finally by the insufferable dirt However for a week or two it wont much
signify«
»But can she take us in I thought I heard her saying her house was full«
»Oh yes I dare say it is but I shall pay her well She can easily make
excuses to some poor devil and send him over to the other side and for a day
or two so that we have shelter it does not much signify«
»Could not we go to the house on the other side«
»And have our meals carried across to us in a halfwarm state to say
nothing of having no one to scold for bad cooking You dont know these
outoftheway Welsh inns yet Ruthie«
»No I only thought it seemed rather unfair« said Ruth gently but she did
not end her sentence for Mr Bellingham formed his lips into a whistle and
walked to the window to survey the rain
The remembrance of his former good payment prompted many little lies of
which Mrs Morgan was guilty that afternoon before she succeeded in turning out
a gentleman and lady who were only planning to remain till the ensuing Saturday
at the outside so if they did fulfil their threat and leave on the next day
she would be no very great loser
These household arrangements complete she solaced herself with tea in her
own little parlour and shrewdly reviewed the circumstances of Mr Bellinghams
arrival
»Indeed and shes not his wife« thought Jenny »thats clear as day His
wife would have brought her maid and given herself twice as many airs about the
sittingrooms while this poor miss never spoke but kept as still as a mouse
Indeed and young men will be young men and as long as their fathers and
mothers shut their eyes its none of my business to go about asking questions«
In this manner they settled down to a weeks enjoyment of that Alpine
country It was most true enjoyment to Ruth It was opening a new sense vast
ideas of beauty and grandeur filled her mind at the sight of the mountains now
first beheld in full majesty She was almost overpowered by the vague and solemn
delight but byandby her love for them equalled her awe and in the nighttime
she would softly rise and steal to the window to see the white moonlight which
gave a new aspect to the everlasting hills that girdle the mountain village
Their breakfasthour was late in accordance with Mr Bellinghams tastes
and habits but Ruth was up betimes and out and away brushing the dewdrops
from the short crisp grass the lark sung high above her head and she knew not
if she moved or stood still for the grandeur of this beautiful earth absorbed
all idea of separate and individual existence Even rain was a pleasure to her
She sat in the windowseat of their parlour she would have gone out gladly but
that such a proceeding annoyed Mr Bellingham who usually at such times lounged
away the listless hours on a sofa and relieved himself by abusing the weather
she saw the swiftfleeting showers come athwart the sunlight like a rush of
silver arrows she watched the purple darkness on the heathery mountainside
and then the pale golden gleam which succeeded There was no change or
alteration of nature that had not its own peculiar beauty in the eyes of Ruth
but if she had complained of the changeable climate she would have pleased Mr
Bellingham more her admiration and her content made him angry until her pretty
motions and loving eyes soothed down his impatience
»Really Ruth« he exclaimed one day when they had been imprisoned by rain
a whole morning »one would think you had never seen a shower of rain before it
quite wearies me to see you sitting there watching this detestable weather with
such a placid countenance and for the last two hours you have said nothing more
amusing or interesting than Oh how beautiful or Theres another cloud
coming across Moel Wynn«
Ruth left her seat very gently and took up her work She wished she had the
gift of being amusing it must be dull for a man accustomed to all kinds of
active employments to be shut up in the house She was recalled from her
absolute selfforgetfulness What could she say to interest Mr Bellingham
While she thought he spoke again
»I remember when we were reading here three years ago we had a week of just
such weather as this but Howard and Johnson were capital whistplayers and
Wilbraham not bad so we got through the days famously Can you play écarté
Ruth or picquet«
»No I have sometimes played at beggarmyneighbour« answered Ruth humbly
regretting her own deficiencies
He murmured impatiently and there was silence for another halfhour Then
he sprang up and rang the bell violently »Ask Mrs Morgan for a pack of cards
Ruthie Ill teach you écarté« said he
But Ruth was stupid not so good as a dummy he said and it was no fun
betting against himself So the cards were flung across the table on the floor
anywhere Ruth picked them up As she rose she sighed a little with the
depression of spirits consequent upon her own want of power to amuse and occupy
him she loved
»Youre pale love« said he half repenting of his anger at her blunders
over the cards »Go out before dinner you know you dont mind this cursed
weather and see that you come home full of adventures to relate Come little
blockhead give me a kiss and begone«
She left the room with a feeling of relief for if he were dull without her
she should not feel responsible and unhappy at her own stupidity The open air
that kind of soothing balm which gentle mother Nature offers to us all in our
seasons of depression relieved her The rain had ceased though every leaf and
blade was loaded with trembling glittering drops Ruth went down to the circular
dale into which the brown foaming mountain river fell and made a deep pool
and after resting there for a while ran on between broken rocks down to the
valley below The waterfall was magnificent as she had anticipated she longed
to extend her walk to the other side of the stream so she sought the
steppingstones the usual crossingplace which were overshadowed by trees a
few yards from the pool The waters ran high and rapidly as busy as life
between the pieces of grey rock but Ruth had no fear and went lightly and
steadily on About the middle however there was a great gap either one of the
stones was so covered with water as to be invisible or it had been washed lower
down at any rate the spring from stone to stone was long and Ruth hesitated
for a moment before taking it The sound of rushing waters was in her ears to
the exclusion of every other noise her eyes were on the current running swiftly
below her feet and thus she was startled to see a figure close before her on
one of the stones and to hear a voice offering help
She looked up and saw a man who was apparently long past middle life and
of the stature of a dwarf a second glance accounted for the low height of the
speaker for then she saw he was deformed As the consciousness of this
infirmity came into her mind it must have told itself in her softened eyes for
a faint flush of colour came into the pale face of the deformed gentleman as he
repeated his words
»The water is very rapid will you take my hand Perhaps I can help you«
Ruth accepted the offer and with this assistance she was across in a
moment He made way for her to precede him in the narrow wood path and then
silently followed her up the glen
When they had passed out of the wood into the pastureland beyond Ruth once
more turned to mark him She was struck afresh with the mild beauty of the face
though there was something in the countenance which told of the bodys
deformity something more and beyond the pallor of habitual illhealth
something of a quick spiritual light in the deepset eyes a sensibility about
the mouth but altogether though a peculiar it was a most attractive face
»Will you allow me to accompany you if you are going the round by Cwm Dhu
as I imagine you are The handrail is blown away from the little wooden bridge
by the storm last night and the rush of waters below may make you dizzy and it
is really dangerous to fall there the stream is so deep«
They walked on without much speech She wondered who her companion might be
She should have known him if she had seen him among the strangers at the inn
and yet he spoke English too well to be a Welshman he knew the country and the
paths so perfectly he must be a resident and so she tossed him from England to
Wales and back again in her imagination
»I only came here yesterday« said he as a widening in the path permitted
them to walk abreast »Last night I went to the higher waterfalls they are most
splendid«
»Did you go out in all that rain« asked Ruth timidly
»Oh yes Rain never hinders me from walking Indeed it gives a new beauty
to such a country as this Besides my time for my excursion is so short I
cannot afford to waste a day«
»Then you do not live here« asked Ruth
»No my home is in a very different place I live in a busy town where at
times it is difficult to feel the truth that
There are in this loud stunning tide
Of human care and crime
With whom the melodies abide
Of th everlasting chime
Who carry music in their heart
Through dusky lane and crowded mart
Plying their task with busier feet
Because their secret souls a holy strain repeat
I have an annual holiday which I generally spend in Wales and often in this
immediate neighbourhood«
»I do not wonder at your choice« replied Ruth »It is a beautiful country«
»It is indeed and I have been inoculated by an old innkeeper at Conway
with a love for its people and history and traditions I have picked up enough
of the language to understand many of their legends and some are very fine and
aweinspiring others very poetic and fanciful«
Ruth was too shy to keep up the conversation by any remark of her own
although his gentle pensive manner was very winning
»For instance« said he touching a long budladen stem of foxglove in the
hedgeside at the bottom of which one or two crimsonspeckled flowers were
bursting from their green sheaths »I dare say you dont know what makes this
foxglove bend and sway so gracefully You think it is blown by the wind dont
you« He looked at her with a grave smile which did not enliven his thoughtful
eyes but gave an inexpressible sweetness to his face
»I always thought it was the wind What is it« asked Ruth innocently
»Oh the Welsh tell you that this flower is sacred to the fairies and that
it has the power of recognising them and all spiritual beings who pass by and
that it bows in deference to them as they waft along Its Welsh name is Maneg
Ellyllyn the good peoples glove and hence I imagine our folksglove or
foxglove«
»Its a very pretty fancy« said Ruth much interested and wishing that he
would go on without expecting her to reply
But they were already at the wooden bridge he led her across and then
bowing his adieu he had taken a different path even before Ruth had thanked him
for his attention
It was an adventure to tell Mr Bellingham however and it aroused and
amused him till dinnertime came after which he sauntered forth with a cigar
»Ruth« said he when he returned »Ive seen your little hunchback He
looks like RiquetwiththeTuft Hes not a gentleman though If it had not
been for his deformity I should not have made him out from your description
you called him a gentleman«
»And dont you« asked Ruth surprised
»Oh no hes regularly shabby and seedy in his appearance lodging too
the ostler told me over that horrible candleandcheese shop the smell of
which is insufferable twenty yards off no gentleman could endure it he must
be a traveller or artist or something of that kind«
»Did you see his face« asked Ruth
»No but a mans back his tout ensemble has character enough in it to
decide his rank«
»His face was very singular quite beautiful« said she softly but the
subject did not interest Mr Bellingham and he let it drop
Chapter VI
Troubles Gather about Ruth
The next day the weather was brave and glorious a perfect bridal of the earth
and sky and every one turned out of the inn to enjoy the fresh beauty of
nature Ruth was quite unconscious of being the object of remark and in her
light rapid passings to and fro had never looked at the doors and windows
where many watchers stood observing her and commenting upon her situation or
her appearance
»Shes a very lovely creature« said one gentleman rising from the
breakfasttable to catch a glimpse of her as she entered from her mornings
ramble »Not above sixteen I should think Very modest and innocentlooking in
her white gown«
His wife busy administering to the wants of a fine little boy could only
say without seeing the young girls modest ways and gentle downcast
countenance
»Well I do think its a shame such people should be allowed to come here
To think of such wickedness under the same roof Do come away my dear and
dont flatter her by such notice«
The husband returned to the breakfasttable he smelt the broiled ham and
eggs and he heard his wifes commands Whether smelling or hearing had most to
do in causing his obedience I cannot tell perhaps you can
»Now Harry go and see if nurse and baby are ready to go out with you You
must lose no time this beautiful morning«
Ruth found Mr Bellingham was not yet come down so she sallied out for an
additional halfhours ramble Flitting about through the village trying to
catch all the beautiful sunny peeps at the scenery between the cold stone
houses which threw the radiant distance into aërial perspective far away she
passed by the little shop and just issuing from it came the nurse and baby
and little boy The baby sat in placid dignity in her nurses arms with a face
of queenly calm Her fresh soft peachy complexion was really tempting and
Ruth who was always fond of children went up to coo and to smile at the little
thing and after some peepboing she was about to snatch a kiss when Harry
whose face had been reddening ever since the play began lifted up his sturdy
little right arm and hit Ruth a great blow on the face
»Oh for shame sir« said the nurse snatching back his hand »how dare you
do that to the lady who is so kind as to speak to Sissy«
»Shes not a lady« said he indignantly »Shes a bad naughty girl mamma
said so she did and she shant kiss our baby«
The nurse reddened in her turn She knew what he must have heard but it was
awkward to bring it out standing face to face with the elegant young lady
»Children pick up such notions maam« said she at last apologetically to
Ruth who stood white and still with a new idea running through her mind
»Its no notion its true nurse and I heard you say it yourself Go away
naughty woman« said the boy in infantile vehemence of passion to Ruth
To the nurses infinite relief Ruth turned away humbly and meekly with
bent head and slow uncertain steps But as she turned she saw the mild sad
face of the deformed gentleman who was sitting at the open window above the
shop he looked sadder and graver than ever and his eyes met her glance with an
expression of deep sorrow And so condemned alike by youth and age she stole
with timid step into the house Mr Bellingham was awaiting her in the
sittingroom The glorious day restored all his buoyancy of spirits He talked
gaily away without pausing for a reply while Ruth made tea and tried to calm
her heart which was yet beating with the agitation of the new ideas she had
received from the occurrence of the morning Luckily for her the only answers
required for some time were monosyllables but those few words were uttered in
so depressed and mournful a tone that at last they struck Mr Bellingham with
surprise and displeasure as the condition of mind they unconsciously implied
did not harmonise with his own
»Ruth what is the matter this morning You really are very provoking
Yesterday when everything was gloomy and you might have been aware that I was
out of spirits I heard nothing but expressions of delight today when every
creature under heaven is rejoicing you look most deplorable and woebegone You
really should learn to have a little sympathy«
The tears fell quickly down Ruths cheeks but she did not speak She could
not put into words the sense she was just beginning to entertain of the
estimation in which she was henceforward to be held She thought he would be as
much grieved as she was at what had taken place that morning she fancied she
should sink in his opinion if she told him how others regarded her besides it
seemed ungenerous to dilate upon the suffering of which he was the cause
»I will not« thought she »embitter his life I will try and be cheerful I
must not think of myself so much If I can but make him happy what need I care
for chance speeches«
Accordingly she made every effort possible to be as lighthearted as he
was but somehow the moment she relaxed thoughts would intrude and wonders
would force themselves upon her mind so that altogether she was not the gay and
bewitching companion Mr Bellingham had previously found her
They sauntered out for a walk The path they chose led to a wood on the side
of a hill and they entered glad of the shade of the trees At first it
appeared like any common grove but they soon came to a deep descent on the
summit of which they stood looking down on the treetops which were softly
waving far beneath their feet There was a path leading sharp down and they
followed it the ledge of rock made it almost like going down steps and their
walk grew into a bounding and their bounding into a run before they reached
the lowest plane A green gloom reigned there it was the still hour of noon
the little birds were quiet in some leafy shade They went on a few yards and
then they came to a circular pool overshadowed by the trees whose highest
boughs had been beneath their feet a few minutes before The pond was hardly
below the surface of the ground and there was nothing like a bank on any side
A heron was standing there motionless but when he saw them he flapped his wings
and slowly rose and soared above the green heights of the wood up into the very
sky itself for at that depth the trees appeared to touch the round white clouds
which brooded over the earth The speedwell grew in the shallowest water of the
pool and all around its margin but the flowers were hardly seen at first so
deep was the green shadow cast by the trees In the very middle of the pond the
sky was mirrored clear and dark a blue which looked as if a black void lay
behind
»Oh there are waterlilies« said Ruth her eye catching on the farther
side »I must go and get some«
»No I will get them for you The ground is spongy all round there Sit
still Ruth this heap of grass will make a capital seat«
He went round and she waited quietly for his return When he came back he
took off her bonnet without speaking and began to place his flowers in her
hair She was quite still while he arranged her coronet looking up in his face
with loving eyes with a peaceful composure She knew that he was pleased from
his manner which had the joyousness of a child playing with a new toy and she
did not think twice of his occupation It was pleasant to forget everything
except his pleasure When he had decked her out he said
»There Ruth now youll do Come and look at yourself in the pond Here
where there are no weeds Come«
She obeyed and could not help seeing her own loveliness it gave her a
sense of satisfaction for an instant as the sight of any other beautiful object
would have done but she never thought of associating it with herself She knew
that she was beautiful but that seemed abstract and removed from herself Her
existence was in feeling and thinking and loving
Down in that green hollow they were quite in harmony Her beauty was all
that Mr Bellingham cared for and it was supreme It was all he recognised of
her and he was proud of it She stood in her white dress against the trees
which grew around her face was flushed into a brilliancy of colour which
resembled that of a rose in June the great heavy white flowers drooped on
either side of her beautiful head and if her brown hair was a little
disordered the very disorder only seemed to add a grace She pleased him more
by looking so lovely than by all her tender endeavours to fall in with his
varying humour
But when they left the wood and Ruth had taken out her flowers and resumed
her bonnet as they came near the inn the simple thought of giving him pleasure
was not enough to secure Ruths peace She became pensive and sad and could not
rally into gaiety
»Really Ruth« said he that evening »you must not encourage yourself in
this habit of falling into melancholy reveries without any cause You have been
sighing twenty times during the last halfhour Do be a little cheerful
Remember I have no companion but you in this outoftheway place«
»I am very sorry« said Ruth her eyes filling with tears and then she
remembered that it was very dull for him to be alone with her heavyhearted as
she had been all day She said in a sweet penitent tone
»Would you be so kind as to teach me one of those games at cards you were
speaking about yesterday I would do my best to learn«
Her soft murmuring voice won its way They rang for the cards and he soon
forgot that there was such a thing as depression or gloom in the world in the
pleasure of teaching such a beautiful ignoramus the mysteries of cardplaying
»There« said he at last »thats enough for one lesson Do you know
little goose your blunders have made me laugh myself into one of the worst
headaches I have had for years«
He threw himself on the sofa and in an instant she was by his side
»Let me put my cool hands on your forehead« she begged »that used to do
mamma good«
He lay still his face away from the light and not speaking Presently he
fell asleep Ruth put out the candles and sat patiently by him for a long time
fancying he would awaken refreshed The room grew cold in the night air but
Ruth dared not rouse him from what appeared to be sound restoring slumber She
covered him with her shawl which she had thrown over a chair on coming in from
their twilight ramble She had ample time to think but she tried to banish
thought At last his breathing became quick and oppressed and after listening
to it for some minutes with increasing affright Ruth ventured to awaken him He
seemed stupefied and shivery Ruth became more and more terrified all the
household were asleep except one servantgirl who was wearied out of what
little English she had knowledge of in more waking hours and could only answer
»Iss indeed maam« to any question put to her by Ruth
She sat by the bedside all night long He moaned and tossed but never spoke
sensibly It was a new form of illness to the miserable Ruth Her yesterdays
suffering went into the black distance of longpast years The present was all
in all When she heard people stirring she went in search of Mrs Morgan whose
shrewd sharp manners unsoftened by inward respect for the poor girl had awed
Ruth even when Mr Bellingham was by to protect her
»Mrs Morgan« she said sitting down in the little parlour appropriated to
the landlady for she felt her strength suddenly desert her »Mrs Morgan Im
afraid Mr Bellingham is very ill« here she burst into tears but instantly
checking herself »Oh what must I do« continued she »I dont think he has
known anything all through the night and he looks so strange and wild this
morning«
She gazed up into Mrs Morgans face as if reading an oracle
»Indeed miss maam and its a very awkward thing But dont cry that can
do no good deed it cant Ill go and see the poor young man myself and then
I can judge if a doctor is wanting«
Ruth followed Mrs Morgan upstairs When they entered the sickroom Mr
Bellingham was sitting up in bed looking wildly about him and as he saw them
he exclaimed
»Ruth Ruth come here I wont be left alone« and then he fell down
exhausted on the pillow Mrs Morgan went up and spoke to him but he did not
answer or take any notice
»Ill send for Mr Jones my dear deed and I will well have him here in
a couple of hours please God«
»Oh cant he come sooner« asked Ruth wild with terror
»Deed no he lives at Llanglâs when hes at home and thats seven mile
away and he may be gone a round eight or nine mile on the other side Llanglâs
but Ill send a boy on the pony directly«
Saying this Mrs Morgan left Ruth alone There was nothing to be done for
Mr Bellingham had again fallen into heavy sleep Sounds of daily life began
bells rang breakfastservices clattered up and down the passages and Ruth sat
on shivering by the bedside in that darkened room Mrs Morgan sent her
breakfast upstairs by a chambermaid but Ruth motioned it away in her sick
agony and the girl had no right to urge her to partake of it That alone broke
the monotony of the long morning She heard the sound of merry parties setting
out on excursions on horseback or in carriages and once stiff and wearied
she stole to the window and looked out on one side of the blind but the day
looked bright and discordant to her aching anxious heart The gloom of the
darkened room was better and more befitting
It was some hours after he was summoned before the doctor made his
appearance He questioned his patient and receiving no coherent answer he
asked Ruth concerning the symptoms but when she questioned him in turn he only
shook his head and looked grave He made a sign to Mrs Morgan to follow him out
of the room and they went down to her parlour leaving Ruth in a depth of
despair lower than she could have thought it possible there remained for her to
experience an hour before
»I am afraid this is a bad case« said Mr Jones to Mrs Morgan in Welsh »A
brainfever has evidently set in«
»Poor young gentleman poor young man He looked the very picture of
health«
»That very appearance of robustness will in all probability make his
disorder more violent However we must hope for the best Mrs Morgan Who is
to attend upon him He will require careful nursing Is that young lady his
sister She looks too young to be his wife«
»No indeed Gentlemen like you must know Mr Jones that we cant always
look too closely into the ways of young men who come to our houses Not but what
I am sorry for her for shes an innocent inoffensive young creature I always
think it right for my own morals to put a little scorn into my manners when
such as her come to stay here but indeed shes so gentle Ive found it hard
work to show the proper contempt«
She would have gone on to her inattentive listener if she had not heard a
low tap at the door which recalled her from her morality and Mr Jones from
his consideration of the necessary prescriptions
»Come in« said Mrs Morgan sharply And Ruth came in She was white and
trembling but she stood in that dignity which strong feeling kept down by
selfcommand always imparts
»I wish you sir to be so kind as to tell me clearly and distinctly what
I must do for Mr Bellingham Every direction you give me shall be most
carefully attended to You spoke about leeches I can put them on and see
about them Tell me everything sir that you wish to have done«
Her manner was calm and serious and her countenance and deportment showed
that the occasion was calling out strength sufficient to meet it Mr Jones
spoke with a deference which he had not thought of using upstairs even while he
supposed her to be the sister of the invalid Ruth listened gravely she
repeated some of the injunctions in order that she might be sure that she fully
comprehended them and then bowing left the room
»She is no common person« said Mr Jones »Still she is too young to have
the responsibility of such a serious case Have you any idea where his friends
live Mrs Morgan«
»Indeed and I have His mother as haughty a lady as you would wish to see
came travelling through Wales last year she stopped here and I warrant you
nothing was good enough for her she was real quality She left some clothes and
books behind her for the maid was almost as fine as the mistress and little
thought of seeing after her ladys clothes having a taste for going to see
scenery along with the man and we had several letters from her I have them
locked in the drawers in the bar where I keep such things«
»Well I should recommend your writing to the lady and telling her her
sons state«
»It would be a favour Mr Jones if you would just write it yourself
English writing comes so strange to my pen«
The letter was written and in order to save time Mr Jones took it to the
Llanglâs postoffice
Chapter VII
The Crisis Watching and Waiting
Ruth put away every thought of the past or future everything that could unfit
her for the duties of the present Exceeding love supplied the place of
experience She never left the room after the first day she forced herself to
eat because his service needed her strength She did not indulge in any tears
because the weeping she longed for would make her less able to attend upon him
She watched and waited and prayed prayed with an utter forgetfulness of self
only with a consciousness that God was allpowerful and that he whom she loved
so much needed the aid of the Mighty One
Day and night the summer night seemed merged into one She lost count of
time in the hushed and darkened room One morning Mrs Morgan beckoned her out
and she stole on tiptoe into the dazzling gallery on one side of which the
bedrooms opened
»Shes come« whispered Mrs Morgan looking very much excited and
forgetting that Ruth had never heard that Mrs Bellingham had been summoned
»Who is come« asked Ruth The idea of Mrs Mason flashed through her mind
but with a more terrible because a more vague dread she heard that it was his
mother the mother of whom he had always spoken as a person whose opinion was to
be regarded more than that of any other individual
»What must I do Will she be angry with me« said she relapsing into her
childlike dependence on others and feeling that even Mrs Morgan was some one
to stand between her and Mrs Bellingham
Mrs Morgan herself was a little perplexed Her morality was rather shocked
at the idea of a proper real lady like Mrs Bellingham discovering that she had
winked at the connection between her son and Ruth She was quite inclined to
encourage Ruth in her inclination to shrink out of Mrs Bellinghams
observation an inclination which arose from no definite consciousness of having
done wrong but principally from the representations she had always heard of the
ladys awfulness Mrs Bellingham swept into her sons room as if she were
unconscious what poor young creature had lately haunted it while Ruth hurried
into some unoccupied bedroom and alone there she felt her selfrestraint
suddenly give way and burst into the saddest most utterly wretched weeping she
had ever known She was worn out with watching and exhausted by passionate
crying and she lay down on the bed and fell asleep The day passed on she
slumbered unnoticed and unregarded she awoke late in the evening with a sense
of having done wrong in sleeping so long the strain upon her responsibility had
not yet left her Twilight was closing fast around she waited until it had
become night and then she stole down to Mrs Morgans parlour
»If you please may I come in« asked she
Jenny Morgan was doing up the hieroglyphics which she called her accounts
she answered sharp enough but it was a permission to enter and Ruth was
thankful for it
»Will you tell me how he is Do you think I may go back to him«
»No indeed that you may not Nest who has made his room tidy these many
days is not fit to go in now Mrs Bellingham has brought her own maid and the
family nurse and Mr Bellinghams man such a tribe of servants and no end to
packages waterbeds coming by the carrier and a doctor from London coming down
tomorrow as if featherbeds and Mr Jones was not good enough Why she wont
let a soul of us into the room theres no chance for you«
Ruth sighed »How is he« she inquired after a pause
»How can I tell indeed when I am not allowed to go near him Mr Jones
said tonight was a turningpoint but I doubt it for it is four days since he
was taken ill and who ever heard of a sick person taking a turn on an even
number of days Its alway on the third or the fifth or seventh or so on
Hell not turn till tomorrow night take my word for it and their fine London
doctor will get all the credit and honest Mr Jones will be thrown aside I
dont think he will get better myself though Gelert does not howl for
nothing My patience whats the matter with the girl Lord child youre
never going to faint and be ill on my hands« Her sharp voice recalled Ruth
from the sick unconsciousness that had been creeping over her as she listened to
the latter part of this speech She sat down and could not speak the room
whirled round and round her white feebleness touched Mrs Morgans heart
»Youve had no tea I guess Indeed and the girls are very careless« She
rang the bell with energy and seconded her pull by going to the door and
shouting out sharp directions in Welsh to Nest and Gwen and three or four
other rough kind slatternly servants
They brought her tea which was comfortable according to the idea of
comfort prevalent in that rude hospitable place there was plenty to eat too
much indeed for it revolted the appetite it was intended to provoke But the
heartiness with which the kind rosy waiter pressed her to eat and the scolding
Mrs Morgan gave her when she found the buttered toast untouched toast on which
she had herself desired that the butter might not be spared did Ruth more good
than the tea She began to hope and to long for the morning when hope might
have become certainty It was all in vain that she was told that the room she
had been in all day was at her service she did not say a word but she was not
going to bed that night of all nights in the year when life or death hung
trembling in the balance She went into the bedroom till the bustling house was
still and heard busy feet passing to and fro into the room she might not enter
and voices imperious though hushed down to a whisper ask for innumerable
things Then there was silence and when she thought that all were dead asleep
except the watchers she stole out into the gallery On the other side were two
windows cut into the thick stone wall and flowerpots were placed on the
shelves thus formed where great untrimmed straggling geraniums grew and
strove to reach the light The window near Mr Bellinghams door was open the
soft warmscented nightair came sighing in in faint gusts and then was still
It was summer there was no black darkness in the twentyfour hours only the
light grew dusky and colour disappeared from objects of which the shape and
form remained distinct A soft grey oblong of barred light fell on the flat wall
opposite to the windows and deeper grey shadows marked out the tracery of the
plants more graceful thus than in reality Ruth crouched where no light fell
She sat on the ground close by the door her whole existence was absorbed in
listening all was still it was only her heart beating with the strong heavy
regular sound of a hammer She wished she could stop its rushing incessant
clang She heard a rustle of a silken gown and knew it ought not to have been
worn in a sickroom for her senses seemed to have passed into the keeping of
the invalid and to feel only as he felt The noise was probably occasioned by
some change of posture in the watcher inside for it was once more deadstill
The soft wind outside sank with a low long distant moan among the windings of
the hills and lost itself there and came no more again But Ruths heart beat
loud She rose with as little noise as if she were a vision and crept to the
open window to try and lose the nervous listening for the everrecurring sound
Out beyond under the calm sky veiled with a mist rather than with a cloud
rose the high dark outlines of the mountains shutting in that village as if it
lay in a nest They stood like giants solemnly watching for the end of Earth
and Time Here and there a black round shadow reminded Ruth of some Cwm or
hollow where she and her lover had rambled in sun and in gladness She then
thought the land enchanted into everlasting brightness and happiness she
fancied then that into a region so lovely no bale or woe could enter but
would be charmed away and disappear before the sight of the glorious guardian
mountains Now she knew the truth that earth has no barrier which avails
against agony It comes lightninglike down from heaven into the mountain house
and the town garret into the palace and into the cottage The garden lay close
under the house a bright spot enough by day for in that soil whatever was
planted grew and blossomed in spite of neglect The white roses glimmered out in
the dusk all the night through the red were lost in shadow Between the low
boundary of the garden and the hills swept one or two green meadows Ruth looked
into the grey darkness till she traced each separate wave of outline Then she
heard a little restless bird chirp out its wakefulness from a nest in the ivy
round the walls of the house But the motherbird spread her soft feathers and
hushed it into silence Presently however many little birds began to scent the
coming dawn and rustled among the leaves and chirruped loud and clear Just
above the horizon too the mist became a silvery grey cloud hanging on the edge
of the world presently it turned shimmering white and then in an instant it
flushed into rose and the mountaintops sprang into heaven and bathed in the
presence of the shadow of God With a bound the sun of a molten fiery red came
above the horizon and immediately thousands of little birds sang out for joy
and a soft chorus of mysterious glad murmurs came forth from the earth the low
whispering wind left its hidingplace among the clefts and hollows of the hills
and wandered among the rustling herbs and trees waking the flowerbuds to the
life of another day Ruth gave a sigh of relief that the night was over and
gone for she knew that soon suspense would be ended and the verdict known
whether for life or for death She grew faint and sick with anxiety it almost
seemed as if she must go into the room and learn the truth Then she heard
movements but they were not sharp nor rapid as if prompted by any emergency
then again it was still She sat curled up upon the floor with her head
thrown back against the wall and her hands clasped round her knees She had yet
to wait Meanwhile the invalid was slowly rousing himself from a long deep
sound healthgiving sleep His mother had sat by him the night through and was
now daring to change her position for the first time she was even venturing to
give directions in a low voice to the old nurse who had dozed away in an
armchair ready to obey any summons of her mistress Mrs Bellingham went on
tiptoe towards the door and chiding herself because her stiff weary limbs made
some slight noise She had an irrepressible longing for a few minutes change of
scene after her night of watching She felt that the crisis was over and the
relief to her mind made her conscious of every bodily feeling and irritation
which had passed unheeded as long as she had been in suspense
She slowly opened the door Ruth sprang upright at the first sound of the
creaking handle Her very lips were stiff and unpliable with the force of the
blood which rushed to her head It seemed as if she could not form words She
stood right before Mrs Bellingham »How is he madam«
Mrs Bellingham was for a moment surprised at the white apparition which
seemed to rise out of the ground But her quick proud mind understood it all in
an instant This was the girl then whose profligacy had led her son astray
had raised up barriers in the way of her favourite scheme of his marriage with
Miss Duncombe nay this was the real cause of his illness his mortal danger at
this present time and of her bitter keen anxiety If under any circumstances
Mrs Bellingham could have been guilty of the illbreeding of not answering a
question it was now and for a moment she was tempted to pass on in silence
Ruth could not wait she spoke again
»For the love of God madam speak How is he Will he live«
If she did not answer her she thought the creature was desperate enough to
force her way into his room So she spoke
»He has slept well he is better«
»Oh my God I thank thee« murmured Ruth sinking back against the wall
It was too much to hear this wretched girl thanking God for her sons life
as if in fact she had any lot or part in him And to dare to speak to the
Almighty on her sons behalf Mrs Bellingham looked at her with cold
contemptuous eyes whose glances were like icebolts and made Ruth shiver up
away from them
»Young woman if you have any propriety or decency left I trust that you
will not dare to force yourself into his room«
She stood for a moment as if awaiting an answer and half expecting it to be
a defiance But she did not understand Ruth She did not imagine the faithful
trustfulness of her heart Ruth believed that if Mr Bellingham was alive and
likely to live all was well When he wanted her he would send for her ask for
her yearn for her till every one would yield before his steadfast will At
present she imagined that he was probably too weak to care or know who was about
him and though it would have been an infinite delight to her to hover and brood
around him yet it was of him she thought and not of herself She gently drew
herself on one side to make way for Mrs Bellingham to pass
By and by Mrs Morgan came up Ruth was still near the door from which it
seemed as if she could not tear herself away
»Indeed miss and you must not hang about the door in this way it is not
pretty manners Mrs Bellingham has been speaking very sharp and cross about it
and I shall lose the character of my inn if people take to talking as she does
Did I not give you a room last night to keep in and never be seen or heard of
and did I not tell you what a particular lady Mrs Bellingham was but you must
come out here right in her way Indeed it was not pretty nor grateful to me
Jenny Morgan and that I must say«
Ruth turned away like a chidden child Mrs Morgan followed her to her room
scolding as she went and then having cleared her heart after her wont by
uttering hasty words her real kindness made her add in a softened tone
»You stop up here like a good girl Ill send you your breakfast byandby
and let you know from time to time how he is and you can go out for a walk you
know but if you do Ill take it as a favour if youll go out by the sidedoor
It will maybe save scandal«
All that day long Ruth kept herself close prisoner in the room to which
Mrs Morgan accorded her all that day and many succeeding days But at nights
when the house was still and even the little brown mice had gathered up the
crumbs and darted again to their holes Ruth stole out and crept to his door
to catch if she could the sound of his beloved voice She could tell by its
tones how he felt and how he was getting on as well as any of the watchers in
the room She yearned and pined to see him once more but she had reasoned
herself down into something like patience When he was well enough to leave his
room when he had not always one of the nurses with him then he would send for
her and she would tell him how very patient she had been for his dear sake But
it was long to wait even with this thought of the manner in which the waiting
would end Poor Ruth her faith was only building up vain castles in the air
they towered up into heaven it is true but after all they were but visions
Chapter VIII
Mrs Bellingham »Does the Thing Handsomely«
If Mr Bellingham did not get rapidly well it was more owing to the morbid
querulous fancy attendant on great weakness than from any unfavourable medical
symptom But he turned away with peevish loathing from the very sight of food
prepared in the slovenly manner which had almost disgusted him when he was well
It was of no use telling him that Simpson his mothers maid had superintended
the preparation at every point He offended her by detecting something offensive
and to be avoided in her daintiest messes and made Mrs Morgan mutter many a
hasty speech which however Mrs Bellingham thought it better not to hear
until her son should be strong enough to travel
»I think you are better today« said she as his man wheeled his sofa to
the bedroom window »We shall get you downstairs tomorrow«
»If you were to get away from this abominable place I could go down today
but I believe Im to be kept prisoner here for ever I shall never get well
here Im sure«
He sank back on his sofa in impatient despair The surgeon was announced
and eagerly questioned by Mrs Bellingham as to the possibility of her sons
removal and he having heard the same anxiety for the same end expressed by
Mrs Morgan in the regions below threw no great obstacles in the way After the
doctor had taken his departure Mrs Bellingham cleared her throat several
times Mr Bellingham knew the prelude of old and winced with nervous
annoyance
»Henry there is something I must speak to you about an unpleasant subject
certainly but one which has been forced upon me by the very girl herself you
must be aware to what I refer without giving me the pain of explaining myself«
Mr Bellingham turned himself sharply round to the wall and prepared
himself for a lecture by concealing his face from her notice but she herself
was in too nervous a state to be capable of observation
»Of course« she continued »it was my wish to be as blind to the whole
affair as possible though you cant imagine how Mrs Mason has blazoned it
abroad all Fordham rings with it but of course it could not be pleasant or
indeed I may say correct for me to be aware that a person of such improper
character was under the same I beg your pardon dear Henry what do you say«
»Ruth is no improper character mother you do her injustice«
»My dear boy you dont mean to uphold her as a paragon of virtue«
»No mother but I led her wrong I«
»We will let all discussions into the cause or duration of her present
character drop if you please« said Mrs Bellingham with the sort of dignified
authority which retained a certain power over her son a power which originated
in childhood and which he only defied when he was roused into passion He was
too weak in body to oppose himself to her and fight the ground inch by inch
»As I have implied I do not wish to ascertain your share of blame from what I
saw of her one morning I am convinced of her forward intrusive manners
utterly without shame or even common modesty«
»What are you referring to« asked Mr Bellingham sharply
»Why when you were at the worst and I had been watching you all night and
had just gone out in the morning for a breath of fresh air this girl pushed
herself before me and insisted upon speaking to me I really had to send Mrs
Morgan to her before I could return to your room A more impudent hardened
manner I never saw«
»Ruth was neither impudent nor hardened she was ignorant enough and might
offend from knowing no better«
He was getting weary of the discussion and wished it had never been begun
From the time he had become conscious of his mothers presence he had felt the
dilemma he was in in regard to Ruth and various plans had directly crossed his
brain but it had been so troublesome to weigh and consider them all properly
that they had been put aside to be settled when he grew stronger But this
difficulty in which he was placed by his connection with Ruth associated the
idea of her in his mind with annoyance and angry regret at the whole affair He
wished in the languid way in which he wished and felt everything not
immediately relating to his daily comfort that he had never seen her It was a
most awkward a most unfortunate affair Notwithstanding this annoyance
connected with and arising out of Ruth he would not submit to hear her abused
and something in his manner impressed this on his mother for she immediately
changed her mode of attack
»We may as well drop all dispute as to the young womans manners but I
suppose you do not mean to defend your connection with her I suppose you are
not so lost to all sense of propriety as to imagine it fit or desirable that
your mother and this degraded girl should remain under the same roof liable to
meet at any hour of the day« She waited for an answer but no answer came
»I ask you a simple question is it or is it not desirable«
»I suppose it is not« he replied gloomily
»And I suppose from your manner that you think the difficulty would be
best solved by my taking my departure and leaving you with your vicious
companion«
Again no answer but inward and increasing annoyance of which Mr
Bellingham considered Ruth the cause At length he spoke
»Mother you are not helping me in my difficulty I have no desire to banish
you nor to hurt you after all your care for me Ruth has not been so much to
blame as you imagine that I must say but I do not wish to see her again if
you can tell me how to arrange it otherwise without behaving unhandsomely Only
spare me all this worry a while I am so weak I put myself in your hands
Dismiss her as you wish it but let it be done handsomely and let me hear no
more about it I cannot bear it let me have a quiet life without being
lectured while I am pent up here and unable to shake off unpleasant thoughts«
»My dear Henry rely upon me«
»No more mother its a bad business and I can hardly avoid blaming myself
in the matter I dont want to dwell upon it«
»Dont be too severe in your selfreproaches while you are so feeble dear
Henry it is right to repent but I have no doubt in my own mind she led you
wrong with her artifices But as you say everything should be done handsomely
I confess I was deeply grieved when I first heard of the affair but since I
have seen the girl Well Ill say no more about her since I see it
displeases you but I am thankful to God that you see the error of your ways«
She sat silent thinking for a little while and then sent for her
writingcase and began to write Her son became restless and nervously
irritated
»Mother« he said »this affair worries me to death I cannot shake off the
thoughts of it«
»Leave it to me Ill arrange it satisfactorily«
»Could we not leave tonight I should not be so haunted by this annoyance
in another place I dread seeing her again because I fear a scene and yet I
believe I ought to see her in order to explain«
»You must not think of such a thing Henry« said she alarmed at the very
idea »Sooner than that we will leave in halfanhour and try to get to Pen
trê Voelas tonight It is not yet three and the evenings are very long
Simpson should stay and finish the packing she could go straight to London and
meet us there Macdonald and nurse could go with us Could you bear twenty
miles do you think«
Anything to get rid of his uneasiness He felt that he was not behaving as
he should do to Ruth though the really right never entered his head But it
would extricate him from his present dilemma and save him many lectures he
knew that his mother always liberal where money was concerned would do the
thing handsomely and it would always be easy to write and give Ruth what
explanation he felt inclined in a day or two so he consented and soon lost
some of his uneasiness in watching the bustle of the preparation for their
departure
All this time Ruth was quietly spending in her room beguiling the waiting
weary hours with pictures of the meeting at the end Her room looked to the
back and was in a sidewing away from the principal state apartments
consequently she was not roused to suspicion by any of the commotion but
indeed if she had heard the banging of doors the sharp directions the
carriagewheels she would still not have suspected the truth her own love was
too faithful
It was four oclock and past when some one knocked at her door and on
entering gave her a note which Mrs Bellingham had left That lady had found
some difficulty in wording it so as to satisfy herself but it was as follows
»My son on recovering from his illness is I thank God happily
conscious of the sinful way in which he has been living with you By his
earnest desire and in order to avoid seeing you again we are on the
point of leaving this place but before I go I wish to exhort you to
repentance and to remind you that you will not have your own guilt
alone upon your head but that of any young man whom you may succeed in
entrapping into vice I shall pray that you may turn to an honest life
and I strongly recommend you if indeed you are not dead in trespasses
and sins to enter some penitentiary In accordance with my sons
wishes I forward you in this envelope a banknote of fifty pounds
MARGARET BELLINGHAM«
Was this the end of all Had he indeed gone She started up and asked this
last question of the servant who half guessing at the purport of the note had
lingered about the room curious to see the effect produced
»Iss indeed miss the carriage drove from the door as I came upstairs
Youll see it now on the Yspytty road if youll please to come to the window of
No 24«
Ruth started up and followed the chambermaid Ay there it was slowly
winding up the steep white road on which it seemed to move at a snails pace
She might overtake him she might she might speak one farewell word to
him print his face on her heart with a last look nay when he saw her he
might retract and not utterly for ever leave her Thus she thought and she
flew back to her room and snatching up her bonnet ran tying the strings with
her trembling hands as she went down the stairs out at the nearest door little
heeding the angry words of Mrs Morgan for the hostess more irritated at Mrs
Bellinghams severe upbraiding at parting than mollified by her ample payment
was offended by the circumstance of Ruth in her wild haste passing through the
prohibited front door
But Ruth was away before Mrs Morgan had finished her speech out and away
scudding along the road thoughtlost in the breathless rapidity of her motion
Though her heart and head beat almost to bursting what did it signify if she
could but overtake the carriage It was a nightmare constantly evading the most
passionate wishes and endeavours and constantly gaining ground Every time it
was visible it was in fact more distant but Ruth would not believe it If she
could but gain the summit of that weary everlasting hill she believed that she
could run again and would soon be nigh upon the carriage As she ran she prayed
with wild eagerness she prayed that she might see his face once more even if
she died on the spot before him It was one of those prayers which God is too
merciful to grant but despairing and wild as it was Ruth put her soul into
it and prayed it again and yet again
Wave above wave of the everrising hills were gained were crossed and at
last Ruth struggled up to the very top and stood on the bare table of moor
brown and purple stretching far away till it was lost in the haze of the summer
afternoon the white road was all flat before her but the carriage she sought
and the figure she sought had disappeared There was no human being there a
few wild blackfaced mountain sheep quietly grazing near the road as if it
were long since they had been disturbed by the passing of any vehicle was all
the life she saw on the bleak moorland
She threw herself down on the ling by the side of the road in despair Her
only hope was to die and she believed she was dying She could not think she
could believe anything Surely life was a horrible dream and God would
mercifully awaken her from it She had no penitence no consciousness of error
or offence no knowledge of any one circumstance but that he was gone Yet
afterwards long afterwards she remembered the exact motion of a bright green
beetle busily meandering among the wild thyme near her and she recalled the
musical balanced wavering drop of a skylark into her nest near the
heatherbed where she lay The sun was sinking low the hot air had ceased to
quiver near the hotter earth when she bethought her once more of the note which
she had impatiently thrown down before half mastering its contents »Oh
perhaps« she thought »I have been too hasty There may be some words of
explanation from him on the other side of the page to which in my blind
anguish I never turned I will go and find it«
She lifted herself heavily and stiffly from the crushed heather She stood
dizzy and confused with her change of posture and was so unable to move at
first that her walk was but slow and tottering but byandby she was tasked
and goaded by thoughts which forced her into rapid motion as if by it she
could escape from her agony She came down on the level ground just as many gay
or peaceful groups were sauntering leisurely home with hearts at ease with low
laughs and quiet smiles and many an exclamation at the beauty of the summer
evening
Ever since her adventure with the little boy and his sister Ruth had
habitually avoided encountering these happy innocents may I call them
these happy fellowmortals And even now the habit grounded on sorrowful
humiliation had power over her she paused and then on looking back she saw
more people who had come into the main road from a sidepath She opened a gate
into a pasturefield and crept up to the hedgebank until all should have
passed by and she could steal into the inn unseen She sat down on the sloping
turf by the roots of an old hawthorn tree which grew in the hedge she was still
tearless with hot burning eyes she heard the merry walkers pass by she heard
the footsteps of the village children as they ran along to their evening play
she saw the small black cows come into the fields after being milked and life
seemed yet abroad When would the world be still and dark and fit for such a
deserted desolate creature as she was Even in her hidingplace she was not
long at peace The little children with their curious eyes peering here and
there had peeped through the hedge and through the gate and now they gathered
from all the four corners of the hamlet and crowded round the gate and one
more adventurous than the rest had run into the field to cry »Gi me a
halfpenny« which set the example to every little one emulous of his boldness
and there where she sat low on the ground and longing for the sure
hidingplace earth gives to the weary the children kept running in and pushing
one another forwards and laughing Poor things their time had not come for
understanding what sorrow is Ruth would have begged them to leave her alone
and not madden her utterly but they knew no English save the one eternal »Gi
me a halfpenny« She felt in her heart that there was no pity anywhere
Suddenly while she thus doubted God a shadow fell across her garments on
which her miserable eyes were bent She looked up The deformed gentleman she
had twice before seen stood there He had been attracted by the noisy little
crowd and had questioned them in Welsh but not understanding enough of the
language to comprehend their answers he had obeyed their signs and entered the
gate to which they pointed There he saw the young girl whom he had noticed at
first for her innocent beauty and the second time for the idea he had gained
respecting her situation there he saw her crouched up like some hunted
creature with a wild scared look of despair which almost made her lovely face
seem fierce he saw her dress soiled and dim her bonnet crushed and battered
with her tossings to and fro on the moorland bed he saw the poor lost
wanderer and when he saw her he had compassion on her
There was some look of heavenly pity in his eyes as gravely and sadly they
met her upturned gaze which touched her stony heart Still looking at him as
if drawing some good influence from him she said low and mournfully »He has
left me sir sir he has indeed he has gone and left me«
Before he could speak a word to comfort her she had burst into the wildest
dreariest crying ever mortal cried The settled form of the event when put into
words went sharp to her heart her moans and sobs wrung his soul but as no
speech of his could be heard if he had been able to decide what best to say he
stood by her in apparent calmness while she wretched wailed and uttered her
woe But when she lay worn out and stupefied into silence she heard him say to
himself in a low voice
»Oh my God for Christs sake pity her«
Ruth lifted up her eyes and looked at him with a dim perception of the
meaning of his words She regarded him fixedly in a dreamy way as if they
struck some chord in her heart and she were listening to its echo and so it
was His pitiful look or his words reminded her of the childish days when she
knelt at her mothers knee and she was only conscious of a straining longing
desire to recall it all
He let her take her time partly because he was powerfully affected himself
by all the circumstances and by the sad pale face upturned to his and partly
by an instinctive consciousness that the softest patience was required But
suddenly she startled him as she herself was startled into a keen sense of the
suffering agony of the present she sprang up and pushed him aside and went
rapidly towards the gate of the field He could not move as quickly as most men
but he put forth his utmost speed He followed across the road on to the rocky
common but as he went along with his uncertain gait in the dusk gloaming he
stumbled and fell over some sharp projecting stone The acute pain which shot
up his back forced a short cry from him and when bird and beast are hushed
into rest and the stillness of night is over all a highpitched sound like the
voice of pain is carried far in the quiet air Ruth speeding on in her
despair heard the sharp utterance and stopped suddenly short It did what no
remonstrance could have done it called her out of herself The tender nature
was in her still in that hour when all good angels seemed to have abandoned
her In the old days she could never bear to hear or see bodily suffering in any
of Gods meanest creatures without trying to succour them and now in her rush
to the awful death of the suicide she stayed her wild steps and turned to find
from whom that sharp sound of anguish had issued
He lay among the white stones too faint with pain to move but with an
agony in his mind far keener than any bodily pain as he thought that by his
unfortunate fall he had lost all chance of saving her He was almost overpowered
by his intense thankfulness when he saw her white figure pause and stand
listening and turn again with slow footsteps as if searching for some lost
thing He could hardly speak but he made a sound which though his heart was
inexpressibly glad was like a groan She came quickly towards him
»I am hurt« said he »do not leave me« his disabled and tender frame was
overcome by the accident and the previous emotions and he fainted away Ruth
flew to the little mountain stream the dashing sound of whose waters had been
tempting her but a moment before to seek forgetfulness in the deep pool into
which they fell She made a basin of her joined hands and carried enough of the
cold fresh water back to dash into his face and restore him to consciousness
While he still kept silence uncertain what to say best fitted to induce her to
listen to him she said softly
»Are you better sir are you very much hurt«
»Not very much I am better Any quick movement is apt to cause me a sudden
loss of power in my back and I believe I stumbled over some of these projecting
stones It will soon go off and you will help me to go home I am sure«
»Oh yes Can you go now I am afraid of your lying too long on this
heather there is a heavy dew«
He was so anxious to comply with her wish and not weary out her thought for
him and so turn her back upon herself that he tried to rise The pain was
acute and this she saw
»Dont hurry yourself sir I can wait«
Then came across her mind the recollection of the business that was thus
deferred but the few homely words which had been exchanged between them seemed
to have awakened her from her madness She sat down by him and covering her
face with her hands cried mournfully and unceasingly She forgot his presence
and yet she had a consciousness that some one looked for her kind offices that
she was wanted in the world and must not rush hastily out of it The
consciousness did not take this definite form it did not become a thought but
it kept her still and it was gradually soothing her
»Can you help me to rise now« said he after a while She did not speak
but she helped him up and then he took her arm and she led him tenderly
through all the little velvet paths where the turf grew short and soft between
the rugged stones Once more on the highway they slowly passed along in the
moonlight He guided her by a slight motion of the arm through the more
unfrequented lanes to his lodgings at the shop for he thought for her and
conceived the pain she would have in seeing the lighted windows of the inn He
leant more heavily on her arm as they awaited the opening of the door
»Come in« said he not relaxing his hold and yet dreading to tighten it
lest she should defy restraint and once more rush away
They went slowly into the little parlour behind the shop The bonnylooking
hostess Mrs Hughes by name made haste to light the candle and then they saw
each other face to face The deformed gentleman looked very pale but Ruth
looked as if the shadow of death was upon her
Chapter IX
The StormSpirit Subdued
Mrs Hughes bustled about with many a sympathetic exclamation now in pretty
broken English now in more fluent Welsh which sounded as soft as Russian or
Italian in her musical voice Mr Benson for that was the name of the
hunchback lay on the sofa thinking while the tender Mrs Hughes made every
arrangement for his relief from pain He had lodged with her for three
successive years and she knew and loved him
Ruth stood in the little bowwindow looking out Across the moon and over
the deep blue heavens large torn irregularshaped clouds went hurrying as if
summoned by some stormspirit The work they were commanded to do was not here
the mighty gatheringplace lay eastward immeasurable leagues and on they went
chasing each other over the silent earth now black now silverwhite at one
transparent edge now with the moon shining like Hope through their darkest
centre now again with a silver lining and now utterly black they sailed
lower in the lift and disappeared behind the immovable mountains they were
rushing in the very direction in which Ruth had striven and struggled to go that
afternoon they in their wild career would soon pass over the very spot where
he her worlds he was lying sleeping or perhaps not sleeping perhaps
thinking of her The storm was in her mind and rent and tore her purposes into
forms as wild and irregular as the heavenly shapes she was looking at If like
them she could pass the barrier horizon in the night she might overtake him
Mr Benson saw her look and read it partially He saw her longing gaze
outwards upon the free broad world and thought that the siren waters whose
deadly music yet rang in his ears were again tempting her He called her to
him praying that his feeble voice might have power
»My dear young lady I have much to say to you and God has taken my
strength from me now when I most need it Oh I sin to speak so but for His
sake I implore you to be patient here if only till tomorrow morning« He
looked at her but her face was immovable and she did not speak She could not
give up her hope her chance her liberty till tomorrow
»God help me« said he mournfully »my words do not touch her« and still
holding her hand he sank back on the pillows Indeed it was true that his
words did not vibrate in her atmosphere The stormspirit raged there and
filled her heart with the thought that she was an outcast and the holy words
for His sake were answered by the demon who held possession with a
blasphemous defiance of the merciful God
»What have I to do with Thee«
He thought of every softening influence of religion which over his own
disciplined heart had power but put them aside as useless Then the still small
voice whispered and he spake
»In your mothers name whether she be dead or alive I command you to stay
here until I am able to speak to you«
She knelt down at the foot of the sofa and shook it with her sobs Her
heart was touched and he hardly dared to speak again At length he said
»I know you will not go you could not for her sake You will not will
you«
»No« whispered Ruth and then there was a great blank in her heart She had
given up her chance She was calm in the utter absence of all hope
»And now you will do what I tell you« said he gently but unconsciously to
himself in the tone of one who has found the hidden spell by which to rule
spirits
She slowly said »Yes« But she was subdued
He called Mrs Hughes She came from her adjoining shop
»You have a bedroom within yours where your daughter used to sleep I
think I am sure you will oblige me and I shall consider it as a great favour
if you will allow this young lady to sleep there tonight Will you take her
there now Go my dear I have full trust in your promise not to leave until I
can speak to you« His voice died away to silence but as Ruth rose from her
knees at his bidding she looked at his face through her tears His lips were
moving in earnest unspoken prayer and she knew it was for her
That night although his pain was relieved by rest he could not sleep and
as in fever the coming events kept unrolling themselves before him in every
changing and fantastic form He met Ruth in all possible places and ways and
addressed her in every manner he could imagine most calculated to move and
affect her to penitence and virtue Towards morning he fell asleep but the same
thoughts haunted his dreams he spoke but his voice refused to utter aloud and
she fled relentless to the deep black pool
But God works in His own way
The visions melted into deep unconscious sleep He was awakened by a knock
at the door which seemed a repetition of what he had heard in his last sleeping
moments
It was Mrs Hughes She stood at the first word of permission within the
room
»Please sir I think the young lady is very ill indeed sir perhaps you
would please to come to her«
»How is she ill« said he much alarmed
»Quite quietlike sir but I think she is dying thats all indeed sir«
»Go away I will be with you directly« he replied his heart sinking within
him
In a very short time he was standing with Mrs Hughes by Ruths bedside She
lay as still as if she were dead her eyes shut her wan face numbed into a
fixed anguish of expression She did not speak when they spoke though after a
while they thought she strove to do so But all power of motion and utterance
had left her She was dressed in everything except her bonnet as she had been
the day before although sweet thoughtful Mrs Hughes had provided her with
nightgear which lay on the little chest of drawers that served as a
dressingtable Mr Benson lifted up her arm to feel her feeble fluttering
pulse and when he let go her hand it fell upon the bed in a dull heavy way
as if she were already dead
»You gave her some food« said he anxiously to Mrs Hughes
»Indeed and I offered her the best in the house but she shook her poor
pretty head and only asked if I would please to get her a cup of water I
brought her some milk though and deed I think shed rather have had the
water but not to seem sour and cross she took some milk« By this time Mrs
Hughes was fairly crying
»When does the doctor come up here«
»Indeed sir and hes up nearly every day now the inn is so full«
»Ill go for him And can you manage to undress her and lay her in bed Open
the window too and let in the air if her feet are cold put bottles of hot
water to them«
It was a proof of the true love which was the nature of both that it never
crossed their minds to regret that this poor young creature had been thus thrown
upon their hands On the contrary Mrs Hughes called it a blessing
»It blesseth him that gives and him that takes«
Chapter X
A Note and the Answer
At the inn everything was life and bustle Mr Benson had to wait long in Mrs
Morgans little parlour before she could come to him and he kept growing more
and more impatient At last she made her appearance and heard his story
People may talk as they will about the little respect that is paid to
virtue unaccompanied by the outward accidents of wealth or station but I
rather think it will be found that in the long run true and simple virtue
always has its proportionate reward in the respect and reverence of every one
whose esteem is worth having To be sure it is not rewarded after the way of
the world as mere worldly possessions are with low obeisance and lipservice
but all the better and more noble qualities in the hearts of others make ready
and go forth to meet it on its approach provided only it be pure simple and
unconscious of its own existence
Mr Benson had little thought for outward tokens of respect just then nor
had Mrs Morgan much time to spare but she smoothed her ruffled brow and
calmed her bustling manner as soon as ever she saw who it was that awaited her
for Mr Benson was well known in the village where he had taken up his summer
holiday among the mountains year after year always a resident at the shop and
seldom spending a shilling at the inn
Mrs Morgan listened patiently for her
»Mr Jones will come this afternoon But it is a shame you should be
troubled with such as her I had but little time yesterday but I guessed there
was something wrong and Gwen has just been telling me her bed has not been
slept in They were in a pretty hurry to be gone yesterday for all that the
gentleman was not fit to travel to my way of thinking indeed William Wynn
the postboy said he was weary enough before he got to the end of that Yspytty
road and he thought they would have to rest there a day or two before they
could go further than Pen trê Voelas Indeed and anyhow the servant is to
follow them with the baggage this very morning and now I remember William Wynn
said they would wait for her Youd better write a note Mr Benson and tell
them her state«
It was sound though unpalatable advice It came from one accustomed to
bring excellent if unrefined sense to bear quickly upon any emergency and to
decide rapidly She was in truth so little accustomed to have her authority
questioned that before Mr Benson had made up his mind she had produced
paper pens and ink from the drawer in her bureau placed them before him and
was going to leave the room
»Leave the note on this shelf and trust me that it goes by the maid The
boy that drives her there in the car shall bring you an answer back«
She was gone before he could rally his scattered senses enough to remember
that he had not the least idea of the name of the person to whom he was to
write The quiet leisure and peace of his little study at home favoured his
habit of reverie and long deliberation just as her position as mistress of an
inn obliged her to quick decisive ways
Her advice though good in some points was unpalatable in others It was
true that Ruths condition ought to be known by those who were her friends but
were these people to whom he was now going to write friends He knew there was a
rich mother and a handsome elegant son and he had also some idea of the
circumstances which might a little extenuate their mode of quitting Ruth He had
wideenough sympathy to understand that it must have been a most painful
position in which the mother had been placed on finding herself under the same
roof with a girl who was living with her son as Ruth was And yet he did not
like to apply to her to write to the son was still more out of the question as
it seemed like asking him to return But through one or the other lay the only
clue to her friends who certainly ought to be made acquainted with her
position At length he wrote
»Madam I write to tell you of the condition of the poor young woman«
here came a long pause of deliberation »who accompanied your son
on his arrival here and who was left behind on your departure
yesterday She is lying as it appears to me in a very dangerous state
at my lodgings and if I may suggest it would be kind to allow your
maid to return and attend upon her until she is sufficiently recovered
to be restored to her friends if indeed they could not come to take
charge of her themselves I remain madam your obedient servant
THURSTAN BENSON
«
The note was very unsatisfactory after all his consideration but it was the
best he could do He made inquiry of a passing servant as to the ladys name
directed the note and placed it on the indicated shelf He then returned to his
lodgings to await the doctors coming and the postboys return There was no
alteration in Ruth she was as one stunned into unconsciousness she did not
move her posture she hardly breathed From time to time Mrs Hughes wetted her
mouth with some liquid and there was a little mechanical motion of the lips
that was the only sign of life she gave The doctor came and shook his head
»a thorough prostration of strength occasioned by some great shock on the
nerves« and prescribed care and quiet and mysterious medicines but
acknowledged that the result was doubtful very doubtful After his departure
Mr Benson took his Welsh grammar and tried again to master the everpuzzling
rules for the mutations of letters but it was of no use for his thoughts were
absorbed by the lifeindeath condition of the young creature who was lately
bounding and joyous
The maid and the luggage the car and the driver had arrived before noon at
their journeys end and the note had been delivered It annoyed Mrs Bellingham
exceedingly It was the worst of these kind of connections there was no
calculating the consequences they were neverending All sorts of claims seemed
to be established and all sorts of people to step in to their settlement The
idea of sending her maid Why Simpson would not go if she asked her She
soliloquised thus while reading the letter and then suddenly turning round to
the favourite attendant who had been listening to her mistresss remarks with
no inattentive ear she asked
»Simpson would you go and nurse this creature as this« she looked at
the signature »Mr Benson whoever he is proposes«
»Me no indeed maam« said the maid drawing herself up stiff in her
virtue »Im sure maam you would not expect it of me I could never have the
face to dress a lady of character again«
»Well well dont be alarmed I cannot spare you by the way just attend
to the strings on my dress the chambermaid here pulled them into knots and
broke them terribly last night It is awkward though very« said she
relapsing into a musing fit over the condition of Ruth
»If youll allow me maam I think I might say something that would alter
the case I believe maam you put a banknote into the letter to the young
woman yesterday«
Mrs Bellingham bowed acquiescence and the maid went on
»Because maam when the little deformed man wrote that note hes Mr
Benson maam I have reason to believe neither he nor Mrs Morgan knew of any
provision being made for the young woman Me and the chambermaid found your
letter and the banknote lying quite promiscuous like waste paper on the floor
of her room for I believe she rushed out like mad after you left«
»That as you say alters the case This letter then is principally a sort
of delicate hint that some provision ought to have been made which is true
enough only it has been attended to already What became of the money«
»Law maam do you ask Of course as soon as I saw it I picked it up and
took it to Mrs Morgan in trust for the young person«
»Oh thats right What friends has she Did you ever hear from Mason
perhaps they ought to know where she is«
»Mrs Mason did tell me maam she was an orphan with a guardian who was
noways akin and who washed his hands of her when she ran off But Mrs Mason
was sadly put out and went into hysterics for fear you would think she had not
seen after her enough and that she might lose your custom she said it was no
fault of hers for the girl was always a forward creature boasting of her
beauty and saying how pretty she was and striving to get where her good looks
could be seen and admired one night in particular maam at a county ball
and how Mrs Mason had found out she used to meet Mr Bellingham at an old
womans house who was a regular old witch maam and lives in the lowest part
of the town where all the bad characters haunt«
»There thats enough« said Mrs Bellingham sharply for the maids
chattering had outrun her tact and in her anxiety to vindicate the character of
her friend Mrs Mason by blackening that of Ruth she had forgotten that she a
little implicated her mistresss son whom his proud mother did not like to
imagine as ever passing through a low and degraded part of the town
»If she has no friends and is the creature you describe which is confirmed
by my own observation the best place for her is as I said before the
Penitentiary Her fifty pounds will keep her a week or so if she is really
unable to travel and pay for her journey and if on her return to Fordham she
will let me know I will undertake to obtain her admission immediately«
»Im sure its well for her she has to do with a lady who will take any
interest in her after what has happened«
Mrs Bellingham called for her writingdesk and wrote a few hasty lines to
be sent by the postboy who was on the point of starting
»Mrs Bellingham presents her compliments to her unknown correspondent Mr
Benson and begs to inform him of a circumstance of which she believes he was
ignorant when he wrote the letter with which she has been favoured namely that
provision to the amount of £50 was left for the unfortunate young person who is
the subject of Mr Bensons letter This sum is in the hands of Mrs Morgan as
well as a note from Mrs Bellingham to the miserable girl in which she proposes
to procure her admission into the Fordham Penitentiary the best place for such
a character as by this profligate action she has forfeited the only friend
remaining to her in the world This proposition Mrs Bellingham repeats and
they are the young womans best friends who most urge her to comply with the
course now pointed out«
»Take care Mr Bellingham hears nothing of this Mr Bensons note« said Mrs
Bellingham as she delivered the answer to her maid »he is so sensitive just
now that it would annoy him sadly I am sure«
Chapter XI
Thurstan and Faith Benson
You have now seen the note which was delivered into Mr Bensons hands as the
cool shades of evening stole over the glowing summer sky When he had read it
he again prepared to write a few hasty lines before the post went out The
postboy was even now sounding his horn through the village as a signal for
letters to be ready and it was well that Mr Benson in his long mornings
meditation had decided upon the course to be pursued in case of such an answer
as that which he had received from Mrs Bellingham His present note was as
follows
»Dear Faith You must come to this place directly where I earnestly
desire you and your advice I am well myself so do not be alarmed I
have no time for explanation but I am sure you will not refuse me let
me trust that I shall see you on Saturday at the latest You know the
mode by which I came it is the best both for expedition and cheapness
Dear Faith do not fail me Your affectionate brother
THURSTAN BENSON
PS I am afraid the money I left may be running short Do not let
this stop you Take my Facciolati to Johnsons he will advance upon it
it is the third row bottom shelf Only come«
When this letter was despatched he had done all he could and the next two days
passed like a long monotonous dream of watching thought and care undisturbed
by any event hardly by the change from day to night which now the harvest
moon was at her full was scarcely perceptible On Saturday morning the answer
came
»Dearest Thurstan Your incomprehensible summons has just reached me
and I obey thereby proving my right to my name of Faith I shall be
with you almost as soon as this letter I cannot help feeling anxious
as well as curious I have money enough and it is well I have for
Sally who guards your room like a dragon would rather see me walk the
whole way than have any of your things disturbed Your affectionate
sister
FAITH BENSON«
It was a great relief to Mr Benson to think that his sister would so soon be
with him He had been accustomed from childhood to rely on her prompt judgment
and excellent sense and to her care he felt that Ruth ought to be consigned as
it was too much to go on taxing good Mrs Hughes with night watching and sick
nursing with all her other claims on her time He asked her once more to sit by
Ruth while he went to meet his sister
The coach passed by the foot of the steep ascent which led up to Llandhu
He took a boy to carry his sisters luggage when they arrived they were too
soon at the bottom of the hill and the boy began to make ducks and drakes in
the shallowest part of the stream which there flowed glassy and smooth while
Mr Benson sat down on a great stone under the shadow of an alderbush which
grew where the green flat meadow skirted the water It was delightful to be once
more in the open air and away from the scenes and thoughts which had been
pressing on him for the last three days There was a new beauty in everything
from the blue mountains which glimmered in the distant sunlight down to the
flat rich peaceful vale with its calm round shadows where he sat The very
margin of white pebbles which lay on the banks of the stream had a sort of
cleanly beauty about it He felt calmer and more at ease than he had done for
some days and yet when be began to think it was rather a strange story which
he had to tell his sister in order to account for his urgent summons Here was
he sole friend and guardian of a poor sick girl whose very name he did not
know about whom all that he did know was that she had been the mistress of a
man who had deserted her and that he feared he believed she had
contemplated suicide The offence too was one for which his sister good and
kind as she was had little compassion Well he must appeal to her love for
him which was a very unsatisfactory mode of proceeding as he would far rather
have had her interest in the girl founded on reason or some less personal
basis than showing it merely because her brother wished it
The coach came slowly rumbling over the stony road His sister was outside
but got down in a brisk active way and greeted her brother heartily and
affectionately She was considerably taller than he was and must have been very
handsome her black hair was parted plainly over her forehead and her dark
expressive eyes and straight nose still retained the beauty of her youth I do
not know whether she was older than her brother but probably owing to his
infirmity requiring her care she had something of a mothers manner towards
him
»Thurstan you are looking pale I do not believe you are well whatever you
may say Have you had the old pain in your back«
»No a little never mind that dearest Faith Sit down here while I send
the boy up with your box« And then with some little desire to show his sister
how well he was acquainted with the language he blundered out his directions in
very grammatical Welsh so grammatical in fact and so badly pronounced that
the boy scratching his head made answer
»Dim Saesoneg«
So he had to repeat it in English
»Well now Thurstan here I sit as you bid me But dont try me too long
tell me why you sent for me«
Now came the difficulty and oh for a seraphs tongue and a seraphs
powers of representation But there was no seraph at hand only the soft running
waters singing a quiet tune and predisposing Miss Benson to listen with a
soothed spirit to any tale not immediately involving her brothers welfare
which had been the cause of her seeing that lovely vale
»It is an awkward story to tell Faith but there is a young woman lying ill
at my lodgings whom I wanted you to nurse«
He thought he saw a shadow on his sisters face and detected a slight
change in her voice as she spoke
»Nothing very romantic I hope Thurstan Remember I cannot stand much
romance I always distrust it«
»I dont know what you mean by romance The story is real enough and not
out of the common way Im afraid«
He paused he did not get over the difficulty
»Well tell it me at once Thurstan I am afraid you have let some one or
perhaps only your own imagination impose upon you but dont try my patience
too much you know Ive no great stock«
»Then Ill tell you The young girl was brought to the inn here by a
gentleman who has left her she is very ill and has no one to see after her«
Miss Benson had some masculine tricks and one was whistling a long low
whistle when surprised or displeased She had often found it a useful vent for
feelings and she whistled now Her brother would rather she had spoken
»Have you sent for her friends« she asked at last
»She has none«
Another pause and another whistle but rather softer and more wavering than
the last
»How is she ill«
»Pretty nearly as quiet as if she were dead She does not speak or move or
even sigh«
»It would be better for her to die at once I think«
»Faith«
That one word put them right It was spoken in the tone which had authority
over her it was so full of grieved surprise and mournful upbraiding She was
accustomed to exercise a sway over him owing to her greater decision of
character and probably if everything were traced to its cause to her
superior vigour of constitution but at times she was humbled before his pure
childlike nature and felt where she was inferior She was too good and true to
conceal this feeling or to resent its being forced upon her After a time she
said
»Thurstan dear let us go to her«
She helped him with tender care and gave him her arm up the long and
tedious hill but when they approached the village without speaking a word on
the subject they changed their position and she leant apparently on him He
stretched himself up into as vigorous a gait as he could when they drew near to
the abodes of men
On the way they had spoken but little He had asked after various members of
his congregation for he was a Dissenting minister in a country town and she
had answered but they neither of them spoke of Ruth though their minds were
full of her
Mrs Hughes had tea ready for the traveller on her arrival Mr Benson
chafed a little internally at the leisurely way in which his sister sipped and
sipped and paused to tell him some trifling particular respecting home affairs
which she had forgotten before
»Mr Bradshaw has refused to let the children associate with the Dixons any
longer because one evening they played at acting charades«
»Indeed A little more bread and butter Faith«
»Thank you this Welsh air does make one hungry Mrs Bradshaw is paying
poor old Maggies rent to save her from being sent into the workhouse«
»Thats right Wont you have another cup of tea«
»I have had two However I think Ill take another«
Mr Benson could not refrain from a little sigh as he poured it out He
thought he had never seen his sister so deliberately hungry and thirsty before
He did not guess that she was feeling the meal rather a respite from a
distasteful interview which she was aware was awaiting her at its conclusion
But all things come to an end and so did Miss Bensons tea
»Now will you go and see her«
»Yes«
And so they went Mrs Hughes had pinned up a piece of green calico by way
of a Venetian blind to shut out the afternoon sun and in the light thus shaded
lay Ruth still and wan and white Even with her brothers account of Ruths
state such deathlike quietness startled Miss Benson startled her into pity
for the poor lovely creature who lay thus stricken and felled When she saw her
she could no longer imagine her to be an impostor or a hardened sinner such
prostration of woe belonged to neither Mr Benson looked more at his sisters
face than at Ruths he read her countenance as a book
Mrs Hughes stood by crying
Mr Benson touched his sister and they left the room together
»Do you think she will live« asked he
»I cannot tell« said Miss Benson in a softened voice »But how young she
looks quite a child poor creature When will the doctor come Thurstan Tell
me all about her you have never told me the particulars«
Mr Benson might have said she had never cared to hear them before and had
rather avoided the subject but he was too happy to see this awakening of
interest in his sisters warm heart to say anything in the least reproachful He
told her the story as well as he could and as he felt it deeply he told it
with hearts eloquence and as he ended and looked at her there were tears in
the eyes of both
»And what does the doctor say« asked she after a pause
»He insists upon quiet he orders medicines and strong broth I cannot tell
you all Mrs Hughes can She has been so truly good Doing good hoping for
nothing again«
»She looks very sweet and gentle I shall sit up tonight and watch her
myself and I shall send you and Mrs Hughes early to bed for you have both a
worn look about you I dont like Are you sure the effect of that fall has gone
off Do you feel anything of it in your back still After all I owe her
something for turning back to your help Are you sure she was going to drown
herself«
»I cannot be sure for I have not questioned her She has not been in a
state to be questioned but I have no doubt whatever about it But you must not
think of sitting up after your journey Faith«
»Answer me Thurstan Do you feel any bad effect from that fall«
»No hardly any Dont sit up Faith tonight«
»Thurstan its no use talking for I shall and if you go on opposing me
I dare say I shall attack your back and put a blister on it Do tell me what
that hardly any means Besides to set you quite at ease you know I have never
seen mountains before and they fill me and oppress me so much that I could not
sleep I must keep awake this first night and see that they dont fall on the
earth and overwhelm it And now answer my questions about yourself«
Miss Benson had the power which some people have of carrying her wishes
through to their fulfilment her will was strong her sense was excellent and
people yielded to her they did not know why Before ten oclock she reigned
sole power and potentate in Ruths little chamber Nothing could have been
better devised for giving her an interest in the invalid The very dependence of
one so helpless upon her care inclined her heart towards her She thought she
perceived a slight improvement in the symptoms during the night and she was a
little pleased that this progress should have been made while she reigned
monarch of the sickroom Yes certainly there was an improvement There was
more consciousness in the look of the eyes although the whole countenance still
retained its painful traces of acute suffering manifested in an anxious
startled uneasy aspect It was broad morning light though barely five oclock
when Miss Benson caught the sight of Ruths lips moving as if in speech Miss
Benson stooped down to listen
»Who are you« asked Ruth in the faintest of whispers
»Miss Benson Mr Bensons sister« she replied
The words conveyed no knowledge to Ruth on the contrary weak as a babe in
mind and body as she was her lips began to quiver and her eyes to show a
terror similar to that of any little child who wakens in the presence of a
stranger and sees no dear familiar face of mother or nurse to reassure its
trembling heart
Miss Benson took her hand in hers and began to stroke it caressingly
»Dont be afraid dear Im a friend come to take care of you Would you
like some tea now my love«
The very utterance of these gentle words was unlocking Miss Bensons heart
Her brother was surprised to see her so full of interest when he came to inquire
later on in the morning It required Mrs Hughess persuasions as well as his
own to induce her to go to bed for an hour or two after breakfast and before
she went she made them promise that she should be called when the doctor came
He did not come until late in the afternoon The invalid was rallying fast
though rallying to a consciousness of sorrow as was evinced by the tears which
came slowly rolling down her pale sad cheeks tears which she had not the power
to wipe away
Mr Benson had remained in the house all day to hear the doctors opinion
and now that he was relieved from the charge of Ruth by his sisters presence
he had the more time to dwell upon the circumstances of her case so far as
they were known to him He remembered his first sight of her her lithe figure
swaying to and fro as she balanced herself on the slippery stones half smiling
at her own dilemma with a bright happy light in the eyes that seemed like a
reflection from the glancing waters sparkling below Then he recalled the
changed affrighted look of those eyes as they met his after the childs rebuff
of her advances how that little incident filled up the tale at which Mrs
Hughes had hinted in a kind of sorrowful way as if loath as a Christian
should be to believe evil Then that fearful evening when he had only just
saved her from committing suicide and that nightmare sleep And now lost
forsaken and but just delivered from the jaws of death she lay dependent for
everything on his sister and him utter strangers a few weeks ago »Where was
her lover Could he be easy and happy Could he grow into perfect health with
these great sins pressing on his conscience with a strong and hard pain Or had
he a conscience«
Into whole labyrinths of social ethics Mr Bensons thoughts wandered when
his sister entered suddenly and abruptly
»What does the doctor say Is she better«
»Oh yes shes better« answered Miss Benson sharp and short Her brother
looked at her in dismay She bumped down into a chair in a cross disconcerted
manner They were both silent for a few minutes only Miss Benson whistled and
clucked alternately
»What is the matter Faith You say she is better«
»Why Thurstan there is something so shocking the matter that I cannot
tell you«
Mr Benson changed colour with affright All things possible and impossible
crossed his mind but the right one I said »all things possible« I made a
mistake He never believed Ruth to be more guilty than she seemed
»Faith I wish you would tell me and not bewilder me with those noises of
yours« said he nervously
»I beg your pardon but something so shocking has just been discovered I
dont know how to word it she will have a child The doctor says so«
She was allowed to make noises unnoticed for a few minutes Her brother did
not speak At last she wanted his sympathy
»Isnt it shocking Thurstan You might have knocked me down with a straw
when he told me«
»Does she know«
»Yes and I am not sure that that isnt the worst part of all«
»How what do you mean«
»Oh I was just beginning to have a good opinion of her but Im afraid she
is very depraved After the doctor was gone she pulled the bedcurtain aside
and looked as if she wanted to speak to me I cant think how she heard for we
were close to the window and spoke very low Well I went to her though I
really had taken quite a turn against her And she whispered quite eagerly Did
he say I should have a baby Of course I could not keep it from her but I
thought it my duty to look as cold and severe as I could She did not seem to
understand how it ought to be viewed but took it just as if she had a right to
have a baby She said Oh my God I thank Thee Oh I will be so good I had no
patience with her then so I left the room«
»Who is with her«
»Mrs Hughes She is not seeing the thing in a moral light as I should have
expected«
Mr Benson was silent again After some time he began
»Faith I dont see this affair quite as you do I believe I am right«
»You surprise me brother I dont understand you«
»Wait awhile I want to make my feelings very clear to you but I dont know
where to begin or how to express myself«
»It is indeed an extraordinary subject for us to have to talk about but
if once I get clear of this girl Ill wash my hands of all such cases again«
Her brother was not attending to her he was reducing his own ideas to form
»Faith do you know I rejoice in this childs advent«
»May God forgive you Thurstan if you know what you are saying But
surely it is a temptation dear Thurstan«
»I do not think it is a delusion The sin appears to me to be quite distinct
from its consequences«
»Sophistry and a temptation« said Miss Benson decidedly
»No it is not« said her brother with equal decision »In the eye of God
she is exactly the same as if the life she has led had left no trace behind We
knew her errors before Faith«
»Yes but not this disgrace this badge of her shame«
»Faith Faith let me beg of you not to speak so of the little innocent
babe who may be Gods messenger to lead her back to Him Think again of her
first words the burst of nature from her heart Did she not turn to God and
enter into a covenant with Him I will be so good Why it draws her out of
herself If her life has hitherto been selfseeking and wickedly thoughtless
here is the very instrument to make her forget herself and be thoughtful for
another Teach her and God will teach her if man does not come between to
reverence her child and this reverence will shut out sin will be
purification«
He was very much excited he was even surprised at his own excitement but
his thoughts and meditations through the long afternoon had prepared his mind
for this manner of viewing the subject
»These are quite new ideas to me« said Miss Benson coldly »I think you
Thurstan are the first person I ever heard rejoicing over the birth of an
illegitimate child It appears to me I must own rather questionable morality«
»I do not rejoice I have been all this afternoon mourning over the sin
which has blighted this young creature I have been dreading lest as she
recovered consciousness there should be a return of her despair I have been
thinking of every holy word every promise to the penitent of the tenderness
which led the Magdalen aright I have been feeling severely and reproachfully
the timidity which has hitherto made me blink all encounter with evils of this
particular kind O Faith once for all do not accuse me of questionable
morality when I am trying more than ever I did in my life to act as my blessed
Lord would have done«
He was very much agitated His sister hesitated and then she spoke more
softly than before
»But Thurstan everything might have been done to lead her right as you
call it without this child this miserable offspring of sin«
»The world has indeed made such children miserable innocent as they are
but I doubt if this be according to the will of God unless it be His punishment
for the parents guilt and even then the worlds way of treatment is too apt to
harden the mothers natural love into something like hatred Shame and the
terror of friends displeasure turn her mad defile her holiest instincts
and as for the fathers God forgive them I cannot at least not just now«
Miss Benson thought on what her brother said At length she asked »Thurstan
remember Im not convinced how would you have this girl treated according to
your theory«
»It will require some time and much Christian love to find out the best
way I know Im not very wise but the way I think it would be right to act in
would be this« He thought for some time before he spoke and then said
»She has incurred a responsibility that we both acknowledge She is about
to become a mother and have the direction and guidance of a little tender life
I fancy such a responsibility must be serious and solemn enough without making
it into a heavy and oppressive burden so that human nature recoils from bearing
it While we do all we can to strengthen her sense of responsibility I would
likewise do all we can to make her feel that it is responsibility for what may
become a blessing«
»Whether the children are legitimate or illegitimate« asked Miss Benson
dryly
»Yes« said her brother firmly »The more I think the more I believe I am
right No one« said he blushing faintly as he spoke »can have a greater
recoil from profligacy than I have You yourself have not greater sorrow over
this young creatures sin than I have the difference is this you confuse the
consequences with the sin«
»I dont understand metaphysics«
»I am not aware that I am talking metaphysics I can imagine that if the
present occasion be taken rightly and used well all that is good in her may be
raised to a height unmeasured but by God while all that is evil and dark may
by His blessing fade and disappear in the pure light of her childs presence
Oh Father listen to my prayer that her redemption may date from this time
Help us to speak to her in the loving spirit of thy Holy Son«
The tears were full in his eyes he almost trembled in his earnestness He
was faint with the strong power of his own conviction and with his inability to
move his sister But she was shaken She sat very still for a quarter of an hour
or more while he leaned back exhausted by his own feelings
»The poor child« said she at length »the poor poor child what it will
have to struggle through and endure Do you remember Thomas Wilkins and the way
he threw the registry of his birth and baptism back in your face Why he would
not have the situation he went to sea and was drowned rather than present the
record of his shame«
»I do remember it all It has often haunted me She must strengthen her
child to look to God rather than to mans opinion It will be the discipline
the penance she has incurred She must teach it to be humanly speaking
selfdependent«
»But after all« said Miss Benson for she had known and esteemed poor
Thomas Wilkins and had mourned over his untimely death and the recollection
thereof softened her »after all it might be concealed The very child need
never know its illegitimacy«
»How« asked her brother
»Why we know so little about her yet but in that letter it said she had
no friends now could she not go into quite a fresh place and be passed off
as a widow«
Ah tempter unconscious tempter Here was a way of evading the trials for
the poor little unborn child of which Mr Benson had never thought It was the
decision the pivot on which the fate of years moved and he turned it the
wrong way But it was not for his own sake For himself he was brave enough to
tell the truth for the little helpless baby about to enter a cruel biting
world he was tempted to evade the difficulty He forgot what he had just said
of the discipline and the penance to the mother consisting in strengthening her
child to meet trustfully and bravely the consequences of her own weakness He
remembered more clearly the wild fierceness the Cainlike look of Thomas
Wilkins as the obnoxious word in the baptismal registry told him that he must
go forth branded into the world with his hand against every mans and every
mans against him
»How could it be managed Faith«
»Nay I must know much more which she alone can tell us before I can see
how it is to be managed It is certainly the best plan«
»Perhaps it is« said her brother thoughtfully but no longer clearly or
decidedly and so the conversation dropped
Ruth moved the bedcurtain aside in her soft manner when Miss Benson
reentered the room she did not speak but she looked at her as if she wished
her to come near Miss Benson went and stood by her Ruth took her hand in hers
and kissed it as if fatigued even by this slight movement she fell asleep
Miss Benson took up her work and thought over her brothers speeches She
was not convinced but she was softened and bewildered
Chapter XII
Losing Sight of the Welsh Mountains
Miss Benson continued in an undecided state of mind for the two next days but
on the third as they sat at breakfast she began to speak to her brother
»That young creatures name is Ruth Hilton«
»Indeed how did you find it out«
»From herself of course She is much stronger I slept with her last night
and I was aware she was awake long before I liked to speak but at last I began
I dont know what I said or how it went on but I think it was a little relief
to her to tell me something about herself She sobbed and cried herself to
sleep I think she is asleep now«
»Tell me what she said about herself«
»Oh it was really very little it was evidently a most painful subject She
is an orphan without brother or sister and with a guardian whom I think she
said she never saw but once He apprenticed her after her fathers death to a
dressmaker This Mr Bellingham got acquainted with her and they used to meet
on Sunday afternoons One day they were late lingering on the road when the
dressmaker came up by accident She seems to have been very angry and not
unnaturally so The girl took fright at her threats and the lover persuaded her
to go off with him to London there and then Last May I think it was Thats
all«
»Did she express any sorrow for her error«
»No not in words but her voice was broken with sobs though she tried to
make it steady After a while she began to talk about her baby but shyly and
with much hesitation She asked me how much I thought she could earn as a
dressmaker by working very very hard and that brought us round to her child
I thought of what you had said Thurstan and I tried to speak to her as you
wished me I am not sure if it was right I am doubtful in my own mind still«
»Dont be doubtful Faith Dear Faith I thank you for your kindness«
»There is really nothing to thank me for It is almost impossible to help
being kind to her there is something so meek and gentle about her so patient
and so grateful«
»What does she think of doing«
»Poor child she thinks of taking lodgings very cheap ones she says
there she means to work night and day to earn enough for her child For she said
to me with such pretty earnestness It must never know want whatever I do I
have deserved suffering but it will be such a little innocent darling Her
utmost earnings would not be more than seven or eight shillings a week Im
afraid and then she is so young and so pretty«
»There is that fifty pounds Mrs Morgan brought me and those two letters
Does she know about them yet«
»No I did not like to tell her till she is a little stronger Oh Thurstan
I wish there was not this prospect of a child I cannot help it I do I could
see a way in which we might help her if it were not for that«
»How do you mean«
»Oh its no use thinking of it as it is Or else we might have taken her
home with us and kept her till she had got a little dressmaking in the
congregation but for this meddlesome child that spoils everything You must
let me grumble to you Thurstan I was very good to her and spoke as tenderly
and respectfully of the little thing as if it were the Queens and born in
lawful matrimony«
»Thats right my dear Faith Grumble away to me if you like Ill forgive
you for the kind thought of taking her home with us But do you think her
situation is an insuperable objection«
»Why Thurstan its so insuperable it puts it quite out of the
question«
»How thats only repeating your objection Why is it out of the
question«
»If there had been no child coming we might have called her by her right
name Miss Hilton thats one thing Then another is the baby in our house
Why Sally would go distraught«
»Never mind Sally If she were an orphan relation of our own left widowed«
said he pausing as if in doubt »You yourself suggested she should be
considered as a widow for the childs sake Im only taking up your ideas dear
Faith I respect you for thinking of taking her home it is just what we ought
to do Thank you for reminding me of my duty«
»Nay it was only a passing thought Think of Mr Bradshaw Oh I tremble at
the thought of his grim displeasure«
»We must think of a higher than Mr Bradshaw I own I should be a very
coward if he knew He is so severe so inflexible But after all he sees so
little of us he never comes to tea you know but is always engaged when Mrs
Bradshaw comes I dont think he knows of what our household consists«
»Not know Sally Oh yes but he does He asked Mrs Bradshaw one day if she
knew what wages we gave her and said we might get a far more efficient and
younger servant for the money And speaking about money think what our
expenses would be if we took her home for the next six months«
That consideration was a puzzling one and both sat silent and perplexed for
a time Miss Benson was as sorrowful as her brother for she was becoming as
anxious as he was to find it possible that her plan could be carried out
»Theres the fifty pounds« said he with a sigh of reluctance at the idea
»Yes theres the fifty pounds« echoed his sister with the same sadness in
her tone »I suppose it is hers«
»I suppose it is and being so we must not think who gave it to her It
will defray her expenses I am very sorry but I think we must take it«
»It would never do to apply to him under the present circumstances« said
Miss Benson in a hesitating manner
»No that we wont« said her brother decisively »If she consents to let us
take care of her we will never let her stoop to request anything from him even
for his child She can live on bread and water we can all live on bread and
water rather than that«
»Then I will speak to her and propose the plan Oh Thurstan from a child
you could persuade me to anything I hope I am doing right However much I
oppose you at first I am sure to yield soon almost in proportion to my
violence at first I think I am very weak«
»No not in this instance We are both right I in the way in which the
child ought to be viewed you dear good Faith for thinking of taking her home
with us God bless you dear for it«
When Ruth began to sit up and the strange new delicious prospect of
becoming a mother seemed to give her some mysterious source of strength so that
her recovery was rapid and swift from that time Miss Benson brought her the
letters and the banknote
»Do you recollect receiving this letter Ruth« asked she with grave
gentleness Ruth changed colour and took it and read it again without making
any reply to Miss Benson Then she sighed and thought a while and then took up
and read the second note the note which Mrs Bellingham had sent to Mr Benson
in answer to his After that she took up the banknote and turned it round and
round but not as if she saw it Miss Benson noticed that her fingers trembled
sadly and that her lips were quivering for some time before she spoke
»If you please Miss Benson I should like to return this money«
»Why my dear«
»I have a strong feeling against taking it While he« said she deeply
blushing and letting her large white lids drop down and veil her eyes »loved
me he gave me many things my watch oh many things and I took them from
him gladly and thankfully because he loved me for I would have given him
anything and I thought of them as signs of love But this money pains my
heart He has left off loving me and has gone away This money seems oh Miss
Benson it seems as if he could comfort me for being forsaken by money« And
at that word the tears so long kept back and repressed forced their way like
rain
She checked herself however in the violence of her emotion for she
thought of her child
»So will you take the trouble of sending it back to Mrs Bellingham«
»That I will my dear I am glad of it that I am They dont deserve to
have the power of giving they dont deserve that you should take it«
Miss Benson went and enclosed it up there and then simply writing these
words in the envelope »From Ruth Hilton«
»And now we wash our hands of these Bellinghams« said she triumphantly But
Ruth looked tearful and sad not about returning the note but from the
conviction that the reason she had given for the ground of her determination was
true he no longer loved her
To cheer her Miss Benson began to speak of the future Miss Benson was one
of those people who the more she spoke of a plan in its details and the more
she realised it in her own mind the more firmly she became a partisan of the
project Thus she grew warm and happy in the idea of taking Ruth home but Ruth
remained depressed and languid under the conviction that he no longer loved her
No home no future but the thought of her child could wean her from this
sorrow Miss Benson was a little piqued and this pique showed itself afterwards
in talking to her brother of the mornings proceedings in the sick chamber
»I admired her at the time for sending away her fifty pounds so proudly but
I think she has a cold heart she hardly thanked me at all for my proposal of
taking her home with us«
»Her thoughts are full of other things just now and people have such
different ways of showing feeling some by silence some by words At any rate
it is unwise to expect gratitude«
»What do you expect not indifference or ingratitude«
»It is better not to expect or calculate consequences The longer I live
the more fully I see that Let us try simply to do right actions without
thinking of the feelings they are to call out in others We know that no holy or
selfdenying effort can fall to the ground vain and useless but the sweep of
eternity is large and God alone knows when the effect is to be produced We are
trying to do right now and to feel right dont let us perplex ourselves with
endeavouring to map out how she should feel or how she should show her
feelings«
»Thats all very fine and I dare say very true« said Miss Benson a little
chagrined »But a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush and I would rather
have had one good hearty Thank you now for all I have been planning to do
for her than the grand effects you promise me in the sweep of eternity Dont
be grave and sorrowful Thurstan or Ill go out of the room I can stand
Sallys scoldings but I cant bear your look of quiet depression whenever I am
a little hasty or impatient I had rather you would give me a good box on the
ear«
»And I would often rather you would speak if ever so hastily instead of
whistling So if I box your ears when I am vexed with you will you promise to
scold me when you are put out of the way instead of whistling«
»Very well thats a bargain You box and I scold But seriously I began
to calculate our money when she so cavalierly sent off the fiftypound note I
cant help admiring her for it and I am very much afraid we shall not have
enough to pay the doctors bill and take her home with us«
»She must go inside the coach whatever we do« said Mr Benson decidedly
»Whos there Come in Oh Mrs Hughes Sit down«
»Indeed sir and I cannot stay but the young lady has just made me find up
her watch for her and asked me to get it sold to pay the doctor and the little
things she has had since she came and please sir indeed I dont know where to
sell it nearer than Caernarvon«
»That is good of her« said Miss Benson her sense of justice satisfied
and remembering the way in which Ruth had spoken of the watch she felt what a
sacrifice it must have been to resolve to part with it
»And her goodness just helps us out of our dilemma« said her brother who
was unaware of the feelings with which Ruth regarded her watch or perhaps he
might have parted with his Facciolati
Mrs Hughes patiently awaited their leisure for answering her practical
question Where could the watch be sold Suddenly her face brightened
»Mr Jones the doctor is just going to be married perhaps he would like
nothing better than to give this pretty watch to his bride indeed and I think
its very likely and hell pay money for it as well as letting alone his bill
Ill ask him sir at any rate«
Mr Jones was only too glad to obtain possession of so elegant a present at
so cheap a rate He even as Mrs Hughes had foretold »paid money for it« more
than was required to defray the expenses of Ruths accommodation as most of the
articles of food she had were paid for at the time by Mr or Miss Benson but
they strictly forbade Mrs Hughes to tell Ruth of this
»Would you object to my buying you a black gown« said Miss Benson to her
the day after the sale of the watch She hesitated a little and then went on
»My brother and I think it would be better to call you as if in fact you
were a widow It will save much awkwardness and it will spare your child
much« mortification she was going to have added but that word did not
exactly do But at the mention of her child Ruth started and turned rubyred
as she always did when allusion was made to it
»Oh yes certainly Thank you much for thinking of it Indeed« said she
very low as if to herself »I dont know how to thank you for all you are
doing but I do love you and will pray for you if I may«
»If you may Ruth« repeated Miss Benson in a tone of surprise
»Yes if I may If you will let me pray for you«
»Certainly my dear My dear Ruth you dont know how often I sin I do so
wrong with my few temptations We are both of us great sinners in the eyes of
the Most Holy let us pray for each other Dont speak so again my dear at
least not to me«
Miss Benson was actually crying She had always looked upon herself as so
inferior to her brother in real goodness had seen such heights above her that
she was distressed by Ruths humility After a short time she resumed the
subject
»Then I may get you a black gown and we may call you Mrs Hilton«
»No not Mrs Hilton« said Ruth hastily
Miss Benson who had hitherto kept her eyes averted from Ruths face from a
motive of kindly delicacy now looked at her with surprise
»Why not« asked she
»It was my mothers name« said Ruth in a low voice »I had better not be
called by it«
»Then let us call you by my mothers name« said Miss Benson tenderly »She
would have But Ill talk to you about my mother some other time Let me call
you Mrs Denbigh It will do very well too People will think you are a distant
relation«
When she told Mr Benson of this choice of name he was rather sorry it was
like his sisters impulsive kindness impulsive in everything and he could
imagine how Ruths humility had touched her He was sorry but he said nothing
And now the letter was written home announcing the probable arrival of the
brother and sister on a certain day »with a distant relation early left a
widow« as Miss Benson expressed it She desired the spare room might be
prepared and made every provision she could think of for Ruths comfort for
Ruth still remained feeble and weak
When the black gown at which she had stitched away incessantly was
finished when nothing remained but to rest for the next days journey Ruth
could not sit still She wandered from window to window learning off each rock
and tree by heart Each had its tale which it was agony to remember but which
it would have been worse agony to forget The sound of running waters she heard
that quiet evening was in her ears as she lay on her deathbed so well had she
learnt their tune
And now all was over She had driven in to Llandhu sitting by her lovers
side living in the bright present and strangely forgetful of the past or the
future she had dreamed out her dream and she had awakened from the vision of
love She walked slowly and sadly down the long hill her tears fast falling
but as quickly wiped away while she strove to make steady the low quivering
voice which was often called upon to answer some remark of Miss Bensons
They had to wait for the coach Ruth buried her face in some flowers which
Mrs Hughes had given her on parting and was startled when the mail drew up
with a sudden pull which almost threw the horses on their haunches She was
placed inside and the coach had set off again before she was fully aware that
Mr and Miss Benson were travelling on the outside but it was a relief to feel
she might now cry without exciting their notice The shadow of a heavy
thundercloud was on the valley but the little upland villagechurch that
showed the spot in which so much of her life was passed stood out clear in the
sunshine She grudged the tears that blinded her as she gazed There was one
passenger who tried after a while to comfort her
»Dont cry miss« said the kindhearted woman »Youre parting from
friends maybe Well thats bad enough but when you come to my age youll
think none of it Why Ive three sons and theyre soldiers and sailors all of
them here there and everywhere One is in America beyond the seas another
is in China making tea and another is at Gibraltar three miles from Spain
and yet you see I can laugh and eat and enjoy myself I sometimes think Ill
try and fret a bit just to make myself a better figure but Lord its no use
its against my nature so I laugh and grow fat again Id be quite thankful for
a fit of anxiety as would make me feel easy in my clothes which them
mantymakers will make so tight Im fairly throttled«
Ruth durst cry no more it was no relief now she was watched and noticed
and plied with a sandwich or a gingerbread each time she looked sad She lay
back with her eyes shut as if asleep and went on and on the sun never
seeming to move from his high place in the sky nor the bright hot day to show
the least sign of waning Every now and then Miss Benson scrambled down and
made kind inquiries of the pale weary Ruth and once they changed coaches and
the fat old lady left her with a hearty shake of the hand
»It is not much further now« said Miss Benson apologetically to Ruth
»See we are losing sight of the Welsh mountains We have about eighteen miles
of plain and then we come to the moors and the rising ground amidst which
Eccleston lies I wish we were there for my brother is sadly tired«
The first wonder in Ruths mind was why then if Mr Benson was so tired
did they not stop where they were for the night for she knew little of the
expenses of a night at an inn The next thought was to beg that Mr Benson
would take her place inside the coach and allow her to mount up by Miss Benson
She proposed this and Miss Benson was evidently pleased
»Well if youre not tired it would be a rest and a change for him to be
sure and if you were by me I could show you the first sight of Eccleston if we
reach there before it is quite dark«
So Mr Benson got down and changed places with Ruth
She hardly yet understood the numerous small economies which he and his
sister had to practise the little daily selfdenials all endured so
cheerfully and simply that they had almost ceased to require an effort and it
had become natural to them to think of others before themselves Ruth had not
understood that it was for economy that their places had been taken on the
outside of the coach while hers as an invalid requiring rest was to be the
inside and that the biscuits which supplied the place of a dinner were in
fact chosen because the difference in price between the two would go a little
way towards fulfilling their plan for receiving her as an inmate Her thought
about money had been hitherto a childs thought the subject had never touched
her but afterwards when she had lived a little while with the Bensons her
eyes were opened and she remembered their simple kindness on the journey and
treasured the remembrance of it in her heart
A low grey cloud was the first sign of Eccleston it was the smoke of the
town hanging over the plain Beyond the place where she was expected to believe
it existed arose round waving uplands nothing to the fine outlines of the
Welsh mountains but still going up nearer to heaven than the rest of the flat
world into which she had now entered Rumbling stones lampposts a sudden
stop and they were in the town of Eccleston and a strange uncouth voice on
the dark side of the coach was heard to say
»Be ye there measter«
»Yes yes« said Miss Benson quickly »Did Sally send you Ben Get the
ostlers lantern and look out the luggage«
Chapter XIII
The Dissenting Ministers Household
Miss Benson had resumed every morsel of the briskness which she had rather lost
in the middle of the day her foot was on her native stones and a very rough
set they were and she was near her home and among known people Even Mr Benson
spoke very cheerfully to Ben and made many inquiries of him respecting people
whose names were strange to Ruth She was cold and utterly weary She took Miss
Bensons offered arm and could hardly drag herself as far as the little quiet
street in which Mr Bensons house was situated The street was so quiet that
their footsteps sounded like a loud disturbance and announced their approach
as effectually as the trumpets lordly blare did the coming of Abdallah A door
flew open and a lighted passage stood before them As soon as they had entered
a stout elderly servant emerged from behind the door her face radiant with
welcome
»Eh bless ye are ye back again I thought I should ha been lost without
ye«
She gave Mr Benson a hearty shake of the hand and kissed Miss Benson
warmly then turning to Ruth she said in a loud whisper
»Whos yon«
Mr Benson was silent and walked a step onwards Miss Benson said boldly
out
»The lady I named in my note Sally Mrs Denbigh a distant relation«
»Ay but you said hoo was a widow Is this chit a widow«
»Yes this is Mrs Denbigh« answered Miss Benson
»If Id been her mother Id ha given her a lollypop instead on a husband
Hoo looks fitter for it«
»Hush Sally Sally Look theres your master trying to move that heavy
box« Miss Benson calculated well when she called Sallys attention to her
master for it was believed by every one and by Sally herself that his
deformity was owing to a fall he had had when he was scarcely more than a baby
and intrusted to her care a little nursegirl as she then was not many years
older than himself For years the poor girl had cried herself to sleep on her
pallet bed moaning over the blight her carelessness had brought upon her
darling nor was this selfreproach diminished by the forgiveness of the gentle
mother from whom Thurstan Benson derived so much of his character The way in
which comfort stole into Sallys heart was in the graduallyformed resolution
that she would never leave him nor forsake him but serve him faithfully all her
life long and she had kept to her word She loved Miss Benson but she almost
worshipped the brother The reverence for him was in her heart however and did
not always show itself in her manners But if she scolded him herself she
allowed no one else that privilege If Miss Benson differed from her brother
and ventured to think his sayings or doings might have been improved Sally came
down upon her like a thunderclap
»My goodness gracious Master Thurstan when will you learn to leave off
meddling with other folks business Here Ben help me up with these trunks«
The little narrow passage was cleared and Miss Benson took Ruth into the
sittingroom There were only two sittingrooms on the groundfloor one behind
the other Out of the back room the kitchen opened and for this reason the back
parlour was used as the family sittingroom or else being with its garden
aspect so much the pleasanter of the two both Sally and Miss Benson would have
appropriated it for Mr Bensons study As it was the front room which looked
to the street was his room and many a person coming for help help of which
giving money was the lowest kind was admitted and let forth by Mr Benson
unknown to any one else in the house To make amends for his having the least
cheerful room on the groundfloor he had the garden bedroom while his sister
slept over his study There were two more rooms again over these with sloping
ceilings though otherwise large and airy The attic looking into the garden was
the spare bedroom while the front belonged to Sally There was no room over the
kitchen which was in fact a supplement to the house The sittingroom was
called by the pretty oldfashioned name of the parlour while Mr Bensons room
was styled the study
The curtains were drawn in the parlour there was a bright fire and a clean
hearth indeed exquisite cleanliness seemed the very spirit of the household
for the door which was open to the kitchen showed a delicatelywhite and
spotless floor and bright glittering tins on which the ruddy firelight
danced
From the place in which Ruth sat she could see all Sallys movements and
though she was not conscious of close or minute observation at the time her
body being weary and her mind full of other thoughts yet it was curious how
faithfully that scene remained depicted on her memory in after years The warm
light filled every corner of the kitchen in strong distinction to the faint
illumination of the one candle in the parlour whose radiance was confined and
was lost in the dead folds of windowcurtains carpet and furniture The
square stout bustling figure neat and clean in every respect but dressed in
the peculiar oldfashioned costume of the county namely a darkstriped
linseywoolsey petticoat made very short displaying sturdy legs in woollen
stockings beneath a loose kind of jacket called there a bedgown made of pink
print a snowwhite apron and cap both of linen and the latter made in the
shape of a mutch these articles completed Sallys costume and were painted
on Ruths memory Whilst Sally was busied in preparing tea Miss Benson took off
Ruths things and the latter instinctively felt that Sally in the midst of her
movements was watching their proceedings Occasionally she also put in a word
in the conversation and these little sentences were uttered quite in the tone
of an equal if not of a superior She had dropped the more formal you with
which at first she had addressed Miss Benson and thoud her quietly and
habitually
All these particulars sank unconsciously into Ruths mind but they did not
rise to the surface and become perceptible for a length of time She was weary
and much depressed Even the very kindness that ministered to her was
overpowering But over the dark misty moor a little light shone a beacon and
on that she fixed her eyes and struggled out of her present deep dejection
the little child that was coming to her
Mr Benson was as languid and weary as Ruth and was silent during all this
bustle and preparation His silence was more grateful to Ruth than Miss Bensons
many words although she felt their kindness After tea Miss Benson took her
upstairs to her room The white dimity bed and the walls stained green had
something of the colouring and purity of effect of a snowdrop while the floor
rubbed with a mixture that turned it into a rich darkbrown suggested the idea
of the gardenmould out of which the snowdrop grows As Miss Benson helped the
pale Ruth to undress her voice became less fulltoned and hurried the hush of
approaching night subdued her into a softened solemn kind of tenderness and
the murmured blessing sounded like granted prayer
When Miss Benson came downstairs she found her brother reading some letters
which had been received during his absence She went and softly shut the door of
communication between the parlour and the kitchen and then fetching a grey
worsted stocking which she was knitting sat down near him her eyes not looking
at her work but fixed on the fire while the eternal rapid click of the
knittingneedles broke the silence of the room with a sound as monotonous and
incessant as the noise of a handloom She expected him to speak but he did
not She enjoyed an examination into and discussion of her feelings it was an
interest and amusement to her while he dreaded and avoided all such
conversation There were times when his feelings which were always earnest and
sometimes morbid burst forth and defied control and overwhelmed him when a
force was upon him compelling him to speak But he in general strove to
preserve his composure from a fear of the compelling pain of such times and
the consequent exhaustion His heart had been very full of Ruth all day long
and he was afraid of his sister beginning the subject so he read on or seemed
to do so though he hardly saw the letter he held before him It was a great
relief to him when Sally threw open the middle door with a bang which did not
indicate either calmness of mind or sweetness of temper
»Is yon young woman going to stay any length o time with us« asked she of
Miss Benson
Mr Benson put his hand gently on his sisters arm to check her from making
any reply while he said
»We cannot exactly tell Sally She will remain until after her
confinement«
»Lord bless us and save us a baby in the house Nay then my times come
and Ill pack up and begone I never could abide them things Id sooner have
rats in the house«
Sally really did look alarmed
»Why Sally« said Mr Benson smiling »I was not much more than a baby
when you came to take care of me«
»Yes you were Master Thurstan you were a fine bouncing lad of three year
old and better«
Then she remembered the change she had wrought in the fine bouncing lad and
her eyes filled with tears which she was too proud to wipe away with her apron
for as she sometimes said to herself »she could not abide crying before folk«
»Well its no use talking Sally« said Miss Benson too anxious to speak to
be any longer repressed »Weve promised to keep her and we must do it youll
have none of the trouble Sally so dont be afraid«
»Well I never as if I minded trouble You might ha known me better nor
that Ive scoured masters room twice over just to make the boards look white
though the carpet is to cover them and now you go and cast up about me minding
my trouble If thems the fashions youve learnt in Wales Im thankful Ive
never been there«
Sally looked red indignant and really hurt Mr Benson came in with his
musical voice and soft words of healing
»Faith knows you dont care for trouble Sally she is only anxious about
this poor young woman who has no friends but ourselves We know there will be
more trouble in consequence of her coming to stay with us and I think though
we never spoke about it that in making our plans we reckoned on your kind help
Sally which has never failed us yet when we needed it«
»Youve twice the sense of your sister Master Thurstan that you have Boys
always has Its truth there will be more trouble and I shall have my share
ont I reckon I can face it if Im told out and out but I cannot abide the
way some folk has of denying theres trouble or pain to be met just as if their
saying there was none would do away with it Some folk treats one like a babby
and I dont like it Im not meaning you Master Thurstan«
»No Sally you need not say that I know well enough who you mean when you
say some folk However I admit I was wrong in speaking as if you minded
trouble for there never was a creature minded it less But I want you to like
Mrs Denbigh« said Miss Benson
»I dare say I should if youd let me alone I did na like her sitting down
in masters chair Set her up indeed in an armchair wi cushions Wenches in
my day were glad enough of stools«
»She was tired tonight« said Mr Benson »We are all tired so if you have
done your work Sally come in to reading«
The three quiet people knelt down side by side and two of them prayed
earnestly for »them that had gone astray« Before ten oclock the household
were in bed
Ruth sleepless weary restless with the oppression of a sorrow which she
dared not face and contemplate bravely kept awake all the early part of the
night Many a time did she rise and go to the long casement window and looked
abroad over the still and quiet town over the grey stone walls and chimneys
and old highpointed roofs on to the faraway hilly line of the horizon lying
calm under the bright moonshine It was late in the morning when she woke from
her longdeferred slumbers and when she went downstairs she found Mr and Miss
Benson awaiting her in the parlour That homely pretty oldfashioned little
room How bright and still and clean it looked The window all the windows at
the back of the house were casements was open to let in the sweet morning air
and streaming eastern sunshine The long jessamine sprays with their
whitescented stars forced themselves almost into the room The little square
garden beyond with grey stone walls all round was rich and mellow in its
autumnal colouring running from deep crimson hollyhocks up to amber and gold
nasturtiums and all toned down by the clear and delicate air It was so still
that the gossamer laden with dew did not tremble or quiver in the least but
the sun was drawing to himself the sweet incense of many flowers and the
parlour was scented with the odours of mignonette and stocks Miss Benson was
arranging a bunch of China and damask roses in an oldfashioned jar they lay
all dewy and fresh on the white breakfastcloth when Ruth entered Mr Benson
was reading in some large folio With gentle morning speech they greeted her
but the quiet repose of the scene was instantly broken by Sally popping in from
the kitchen and glancing at Ruth with sharp reproach She said
»I reckon I may bring in breakfast now« with a strong emphasis on the last
word
»I am afraid I am very late« said Ruth
»Oh never mind« said Mr Benson gently »It was our fault for not telling
you our breakfast hour We always have prayers at halfpast seven and for
Sallys sake we never vary from that time for she can so arrange her work if
she knows the hour of prayers as to have her mind calm and untroubled«
»Ahem« said Miss Benson rather inclined to testify against the invariable
calmness of Sallys mind at any hour of the day but her brother went on as if
he did not hear her
»But the breakfast does not signify being delayed a little and I am sure
you were sadly tired with your long day yesterday«
Sally came slapping in and put down some withered tough dry toast with
»Its not my doing if it is like leather« but as no one appeared to hear
her she withdrew to her kitchen leaving Ruths cheeks like crimson at the
annoyance she had caused
All day long she had that feeling common to those who go to stay at a fresh
house among comparative strangers a feeling of the necessity that she should
become accustomed to the new atmosphere in which she was placed before she
could move and act freely it was indeed a purer ether a diviner air which
she was breathing in now than what she had been accustomed to for long months
The gentle blessed mother who had made her childhoods home holy ground was
in her very nature so far removed from any of earths stains and temptations
that she seemed truly one of those
»Who ask not if Thine eye
Be on them who in love and truth
Where no misgiving is rely
Upon the genial sense of youth«
In the Bensons house there was the same unconsciousness of individual merit
the same absence of introspection and analysis of motive as there had been in
her mother but it seemed that their lives were pure and good not merely from a
lovely and beautiful nature but from some law the obedience to which was of
itself harmonious peace and which governed them almost implicitly and with as
little questioning on their part as the glorious stars which haste not rest
not in their eternal obedience This household had many failings they were but
human and with all their loving desire to bring their lives into harmony with
the will of God they often erred and fell short but somehow the very errors
and faults of one individual served to call out higher excellences in another
and so they reacted upon each other and the result of short discords was
exceeding harmony and peace But they had themselves no idea of the real state
of things they did not trouble themselves with marking their progress by
selfexamination if Mr Benson did sometimes in hours of sick incapacity for
exertion turn inwards it was to cry aloud with almost morbid despair »God be
merciful to me a sinner« But he strove to leave his life in the hands of God
and to forget himself
Ruth sat still and quiet through the long first day She was languid and
weary from her journey she was uncertain what help she might offer to give in
the household duties and what she might not And in her languor and in her
uncertainty it was pleasant to watch the new ways of the people among whom she
was placed After breakfast Mr Benson withdrew to his study Miss Benson took
away the cups and saucers and leaving the kitchendoor open talked sometimes
to Ruth sometimes to Sally while she washed them up Sally had upstairs duties
to perform for which Ruth was thankful as she kept receiving rather angry
glances for her unpunctuality as long as Sally remained downstairs Miss Benson
assisted in the preparation for the early dinner and brought some kidneybeans
to shred into a basin of bright pure springwater which caught and danced in
the sunbeams as she sat near the open casement of the parlour talking to Ruth
of things and people which as yet the latter did not understand and could not
arrange and comprehend She was like a child who gets a few pieces of a
dissected map and is confused until a glimpse of the whole unity is shown him
Mr and Mrs Bradshaw were the centre pieces in Ruths map their children
their servants were the accessories and one or two other names were
occasionally mentioned Ruth wondered and almost wearied at Miss Bensons
perseverance in talking to her about people whom she did not know but in
truth Miss Benson heard the longdrawn quivering sighs which came from the
poor heavy heart when it was left to silence and had leisure to review the
past and her quick accustomed ear caught also the low mutterings of the thunder
in the distance in the shape of Sallys soliloquies which like the asides at
a theatre were intended to be heard Suddenly Miss Benson called Ruth out of
the room upstairs into her own bedchamber and then began rummaging in little
oldfashioned boxes drawn out of an equally oldfashioned bureau halfdesk
halftable and wholly drawers
»My dear Ive been very stupid and thoughtless Oh Im so glad I thought
of it before Mrs Bradshaw came to call Here it is« and she pulled out an old
weddingring and hurried it on Ruths finger Ruth hung down her head and
reddened deep with shame her eyes smarted with the hot tears that filled them
Miss Benson talked on in a nervous hurried way
»It was my grandmothers its very broad they made them so then to hold a
posy inside theres one in that
Thine own sweetheart
Till death doth part
I think it is There there Run away and look as if youd always worn it«
Ruth went up to her room and threw herself down on her knees by the
bedside and cried as if her heart would break and then as if a light had come
down into her soul she calmed herself and prayed no words can tell how
humbly and with what earnest feeling When she came down she was tearstained
and wretchedly pale but even Sally looked at her with new eyes because of the
dignity with which she was invested by an earnestness of purpose which had her
child for its object She sat and thought but she no longer heaved those bitter
sighs which had wrung Miss Bensons heart in the morning In this way the day
wore on early dinner early tea seemed to make it preternaturally long to Ruth
the only event was some unexplained absence of Sallys who had disappeared out
of the house in the evening much to Miss Bensons surprise and somewhat to her
indignation
At night after Ruth had gone up to her room this absence was explained to
her at least She had let down her long waving glossy hair and was standing
absorbed in thought in the middle of the room when she heard a round clumping
knock at her door different from that given by the small knuckles of delicate
fingers and in walked Sally with a judgelike severity of demeanour holding
in her hand two widows caps of commonest make and coarsest texture Queen
Eleanor herself when she presented the bowl to Fair Rosamond had not a more
relentless purpose stamped on her demeanour than had Sally at this moment She
walked up to the beautiful astonished Ruth where she stood in her long soft
white dressinggown with all her luxuriant brown hair hanging dishevelled down
her figure and thus Sally spoke
»Missus or miss as the case may be Ive my doubts as to you Im not
going to have my master and Miss Faith put upon or shame come near them Widows
wears these sort o caps and has their hair cut off and whether widows wears
weddingrings or not they shall have their hair cut off they shall Ill have
no half work in this house Ive lived with the family fortynine year come
Michaelmas and Ill not see it disgraced by any ones fine long curls Sit
down and let me snip off your hair and let me see you sham decently in a
widows cap tomorrow or Ill leave the house Whattens come over Miss Faith
as used to be as mim a lady as ever was to be taken by such as you I dunnot
know Here sit down with ye and let me crop you«
She laid no light hand on Ruths shoulder and the latter partly
intimidated by the old servant who had hitherto only turned her vixen lining to
observation and partly because she was brokenspirited enough to be indifferent
to the measure proposed quietly sat down Sally produced the formidable pair of
scissors that always hung at her side and began to cut in a merciless manner
She expected some remonstrance or some opposition and had a torrent of words
ready to flow forth at the least sign of rebellion but Ruth was still and
silent with meeklybowed head under the strange hands that were shearing her
beautiful hair into the clipped shortness of a boys Long before she had
finished Sally had some slight misgivings as to the fancied necessity of her
task but it was too late for half the curls were gone and the rest must now
come off When she had done she lifted up Ruths face by placing her hand under
the round white chin She gazed into the countenance expecting to read some
anger there though it had not come out in words but she only met the large
quiet eyes that looked at her with sad gentleness out of their finelyhollowed
orbits Ruths soft yet dignified submission touched Sally with compunction
though she did not choose to show the change in her feelings She tried to hide
it indeed by stooping to pick up the long bright tresses and holding them up
admiringly and letting them drop down and float on the air like the pendent
branches of the weeping birch she said »I thought we should ha had some
crying I did Theyre pretty curls enough youve not been so bad to let them
be cut off neither You see Master Thurstan is no wiser than a babby in some
things and Miss Faith just lets him have his own way so its all left to me to
keep him out of scrapes Ill wish you a very good night Ive heard many a one
say as long hair was not wholesome Good night«
But in a minute she popped her head into Ruths room once more
»Youll put on them caps tomorrow morning Ill make you a present on
them«
Sally had carried away the beautiful curls and she could not find it in her
heart to throw such lovely chestnut tresses away so she folded them up
carefully in paper and placed them in a safe corner of her drawer
Chapter XIV
Ruths First Sunday at Eccleston
Ruth felt very shy when she came down at halfpast seven the next morning in
her widows cap Her smooth pale face with its oval untouched by time looked
more young and childlike than ever when contrasted with the headgear usually
associated with ideas of age She blushed very deeply as Mr and Miss Benson
showed the astonishment which they could not conceal in their looks She said
in a low voice to Miss Benson
»Sally thought I had better wear it«
Miss Benson made no reply but was startled at the intelligence which she
thought was conveyed in this speech of Sallys acquaintance with Ruths real
situation She noticed Sallys looks particularly this morning The manner in
which the old servant treated Ruth had in it far more of respect than there had
been the day before but there was a kind of satisfied way of braving out Miss
Bensons glances which made the latter uncertain and uncomfortable
She followed her brother into his study
»Do you know Thurstan I am almost certain Sally suspects«
Mr Benson sighed That deception grieved him and yet he thought he saw its
necessity
»What makes you think so« asked he
»Oh many little things It was her odd way of ducking her head about as if
to catch a good view of Ruths left hand that made me think of the
weddingring and once yesterday when I thought I had made up quite a natural
speech and was saying how sad it was for so young a creature to be left a widow
she broke in with widow be farred in a very strange contemptuous kind of
manner«
»If she suspects we had far better tell her the truth at once She will
never rest till she finds it out so we must make a virtue of necessity«
»Well brother you shall tell her then for I am sure I darent I dont
mind doing the thing since you talked to me that day and since I have got to
know Ruth but I do mind all the clatter people will make about it«
»But Sally is not people«
»Oh I see it must be done shell talk as much as all the other persons put
together so thats the reason I call her people Shall I call her« For the
house was too homely and primitive to have bells
Sally came fully aware of what was now going to be told her and determined
not to help them out in telling their awkward secret by understanding the
nature of it before it was put into the plainest language In every pause when
they hoped she had caught the meaning they were hinting at she persisted in
looking stupid and perplexed and in saying »Well« as if quite unenlightened
as to the end of the story
When it was all complete and before her she said honestly enough
»Its just as I thought it was and I think you may thank me for having had
the sense to put her into widows caps and clip off that bonny brown hair that
was fitter for a bride in lawful matrimony than for such as her She took it
very well though She was as quiet as a lamb and I clipped her pretty roughly
at first I must say though if Id ha known who your visitor was Id ha
packed up my things and cleared myself out of the house before such as her came
into it As its done I suppose I must stand by you and help you through with
it I only hope I shant lose my character and me a parishclerks daughter«
»O Sally people know you too well to think any ill of you« said Miss
Benson who was pleased to find the difficulty so easily got over for in
truth Sally had been much softened by the unresisting gentleness with which
Ruth had submitted to the clipping of the night before
»If Id been with you Master Thurstan Id ha seen sharp after you for
youre always picking up some one or another as nobody else would touch with a
pair of tongs Why there was that Nelly Brandons child as was left at our
door if I hadnt gone to th overseer we should have had that Irish tramps
babby saddled on us for life but I went off and told th overseer and the
mother was caught«
»Yes« said Mr Benson sadly »and I often lie awake and wonder what is the
fate of that poor little thing forced back on the mother who tried to get quit
of it I often doubt whether I did right but its no use thinking about it
now«
»Im thankful it isnt« said Sally »and now if weve talked doctrine long
enough Ill make th beds Yon girls secret is safe enough for me«
Saying this she left the room and Miss Benson followed She found Ruth busy
washing the breakfast things and they were done in so quiet and orderly a
manner that neither Miss Benson nor Sally both particular enough had any of
their little fancies or prejudices annoyed She seemed to have an instinctive
knowledge of the exact period when her help was likely to become a hindrance
and withdrew from the busy kitchen just at the right time
That afternoon as Miss Benson and Ruth sat at their work Mrs and Miss
Bradshaw called Miss Benson was so nervous as to surprise Ruth who did not
understand the probable and possible questions which might be asked respecting
any visitor at the ministers house Ruth went on sewing absorbed in her own
thoughts and glad that the conversation between the two elder ladies and the
silence of the younger one who sat at some distance from her gave her an
opportunity of retreating into the haunts of memory and soon the work fell from
her hands and her eyes were fixed on the little garden beyond but she did not
see its flowers or its walls she saw the mountains which girdled Llandhu and
saw the sun rise from behind their iron outline just as it had done how long
ago was it months or was it years since she had watched the night through
crouched up at his door Which was the dream and which the reality that distant
life or this His moans rang more clearly in her ears than the buzzing of the
conversation between Mrs Bradshaw and Miss Benson
At length the subdued scaredlooking little lady and her brighteyed silent
daughter rose to take leave Ruth started into the present and stood up and
curtseyed and turned sick at heart with sudden recollection
Miss Benson accompanied Mrs Bradshaw to the door and in the passage gave
her a long explanation of Ruths fictitious history Mrs Bradshaw looked so
much interested and pleased that Miss Benson enlarged a little more than was
necessary and rounded off her invention with one or two imaginary details
which she was quite unconscious were overheard by her brother through the
halfopen study door
She was rather dismayed when he called her into his room after Mrs
Bradshaws departure and asked her what she had been saying about Ruth
»Oh I thought it was better to explain it thoroughly I mean to tell the
story we wished to have believed once for all you know we agreed about that
Thurstan« deprecatingly
»Yes but I heard you saying you believed her husband had been a young
surgeon did I not«
»Well Thurstan you know he must have been something and young surgeons
are so in the way of dying it seemed very natural Besides« said she with
sudden boldness »I do think Ive a talent for fiction it is so pleasant to
invent and make the incidents dovetail together and after all if we are to
tell a lie we may as well do it thoroughly or else its of no use A bungling
lie would be worse than useless And Thurstan it may be very wrong but I
believe I am afraid I enjoy not being fettered by truth Dont look so grave
You know it is necessary if ever it was to tell falsehoods now and dont be
angry with me because I do it well«
He was shading his eyes with his hand and did not speak for some time At
last he said
»If it were not for the child I would tell all but the world is so cruel
You dont know how this apparent necessity for falsehood pains me Faith or you
would not invent all these details which are so many additional lies«
»Well well I will restrain myself if I have to talk about Ruth again But
Mrs Bradshaw will tell every one who need to know You dont wish me to
contradict it Thurstan surely it was such a pretty probable story«
»Faith I hope God will forgive us if we are doing wrong and pray dear
dont add one unnecessary word that is not true«
Another day elapsed and then it was Sunday and the house seemed filled
with a deep peace Even Sallys movements were less hasty and abrupt Mr Benson
seemed invested with a new dignity which made his bodily deformity be forgotten
in his calm grave composure of spirit Every trace of weekday occupation was
put away the night before a bright new handsome tablecloth had been smoothed
down over the table and the jars had been freshly filled with flowers Sunday
was a festival and a holyday in the house After the very early breakfast
little feet pattered into Mr Bensons study for he had a class for boys a
sort of domestic Sundayschool only that there was more talking between
teachers and pupils than dry absolute lessons going on Miss Benson too had
her little neattippeted maidens sitting with her in the parlour and she was
far more particular in keeping them to their reading and spelling than her
brother was with his boys Sally too put in her word of instruction from the
kitchen helping as she fancied though her assistance was often rather
malàpropos for instance she called out to a little fat stupid rolypoly
girl to whom Miss Benson was busy explaining the meaning of the word quadruped
»Quadruped a thing wi four legs Jenny a chair is a quadruped child«
But Miss Benson had a deaf manner sometimes when her patience was not too
severely tried and she put it on now Ruth sat on a low hassock and coaxed the
least of the little creatures to her and showed it pictures till it fell asleep
in her arms and sent a thrill through her at the thought of the tiny darling
who would lie on her breast before long and whom she would have to cherish and
to shelter from the storms of the world
And then she remembered that she was once white and sinless as the wee
lassie who lay in her arms and she knew that she had gone astray Byandby the
children trooped away and Miss Benson summoned her to put on her things for
chapel
The chapel was up a narrow street or rather culdesac close by It stood
on the outskirts of the town almost in fields It was built about the time of
Matthew and Philip Henry when the Dissenters were afraid of attracting
attention or observation and hid their places of worship in obscure and
outoftheway parts of the towns in which they were built Accordingly it
often happened as in the present case that the buildings immediately
surrounding as well as the chapels themselves looked as if they carried you
back to a period a hundred and fifty years ago The chapel had a picturesque and
oldworld look for luckily the congregation had been too poor to rebuild it or
newface it in George the Thirds time The staircases which led to the
galleries were outside at each end of the building and the irregular roof and
worn stone steps looked grey and stained by time and weather The grassy
hillocks each with a little upright headstone were shaded by a grand old
wychelm A lilacbush or two a white rosetree and a few laburnums all old
and gnarled enough were planted round the chapel yard and the casement windows
of the chapel were made of heavyleaded diamondshaped panes almost covered
with ivy producing a green gloom not without its solemnity within This ivy
was the home of an infinite number of little birds which twittered and warbled
till it might have been thought that they were emulous of the power of praise
possessed by the human creatures within with such earnest longdrawn strains
did this crowd of winged songsters rejoice and be glad in their beautiful gift
of life The interior of the building was plain and simple as plain and simple
could be When it was fitted up oaktimber was much cheaper than it is now so
the woodwork was all of that description but roughly hewed for the early
builders had not much wealth to spare The walls were whitewashed and were
recipients of the shadows of the beauty without on their white plains the
tracery of the ivy might be seen now still now stirred by the sudden flight of
some little bird The congregation consisted of here and there a farmer with his
labourers who came down from the uplands beyond the town to worship where their
fathers worshipped and who loved the place because they knew how much those
fathers had suffered for it although they never troubled themselves with the
reason why they left the parish church and of a few shopkeepers far more
thoughtful and reasoning who were Dissenters from conviction unmixed with old
ancestral association and of one or two families of still higher worldly
station With many poor who were drawn there by love for Mr Bensons
character and by a feeling that the faith which made him what he was could not
be far wrong for the base of the pyramid and with Mr Bradshaw for its apex
the congregation stood complete
The country people came in sleeking down their hair and treading with
earnest attempts at noiseless lightness of step over the floor of the aisle
and byandby when all were assembled Mr Benson followed unmarshalled and
unattended When he had closed the pulpitdoor and knelt in prayer for an
instant or two he gave out a psalm from the dear old Scottish paraphrase with
its primitive inversion of the simple perfect Bible words and a kind of
precentor stood up and having sounded the note on a pitchpipe sang a couple
of lines by way of indicating the tune then all the congregation stood up and
sang aloud Mr Bradshaws great bass voice being half a note in advance of the
others in accordance with his place of precedence as principal member of the
congregation His powerful voice was like an organ very badly played and very
much out of tune but as he had no ear and no diffidence it pleased him very
much to hear the fine loud sound He was a tall largeboned iron man stern
powerful and authoritative in appearance dressed in clothes of the finest
broadcloth and scrupulously illmade as if to show that he was indifferent to
all outward things His wife was sweet and gentlelooking but as if she was
thoroughly broken into submission
Ruth did not see this or hear aught but the words which were reverently
oh how reverently spoken by Mr Benson He had had Ruth present in his
thoughts all the time he had been preparing for his Sunday duty and he had
tried carefully to eschew everything which she might feel as an allusion to her
own case He remembered how the Good Shepherd in Poussins beautiful picture
tenderly carried the lambs which had wearied themselves by going astray and
felt how like tenderness was required towards poor Ruth But where is the
chapter which does not contain something which a broken and contrite spirit may
not apply to itself And so it fell out that as he read Ruths heart was
smitten and she sank down and down till she was kneeling on the floor of the
pew and speaking to God in the spirit if not in the words of the Prodigal
Son »Father I have sinned against Heaven and before Thee and am no more
worthy to be called Thy child« Miss Benson was thankful although she loved
Ruth the better for this selfabandonment that the ministers seat was far in
the shade of the gallery She tried to look most attentive to her brother in
order that Mr Bradshaw might not suspect anything unusual while she stealthily
took hold of Ruths passive hand as it lay helpless on the cushion and pressed
it softly and tenderly But Ruth sat on the ground bowed down and crushed in
her sorrow till all was ended
Miss Benson loitered in her seat divided between the consciousness that
she as locum tenens for the ministers wife was expected to be at the door to
receive the kind greetings of many after her absence from home and her
unwillingness to disturb Ruth who was evidently praying and by her quiet
breathing receiving grave and solemn influences into her soul At length she
rose up calm and composed even to dignity The chapel was still and empty but
Miss Benson heard the buzz of voices in the chapelyard without They were
probably those of people waiting for her and she summoned courage and taking
Ruths arm in hers and holding her hand affectionately they went out into the
broad daylight As they issued forth Miss Benson heard Mr Bradshaws strong
bass voice speaking to her brother and winced as she knew he would be wincing
under the broad praise which is impertinence however little it may be intended
or esteemed as such
»Oh yes my wife told me yesterday about her her husband was a surgeon
my father was a surgeon too as I think you have heard Very much to your
credit I must say Mr Benson with your limited means to burden yourself with
a poor relation Very creditable indeed«
Miss Benson glanced at Ruth she either did not hear or did not understand
but passed on into the awful sphere of Mr Bradshaws observation unmoved He
was in a bland and condescending humour of universal approval and when he saw
Ruth he nodded his head in token of satisfaction That ordeal was over Miss
Benson thought and in the thought rejoiced
»After dinner you must go and lie down my dear« said she untying Ruths
bonnetstrings and kissing her »Sally goes to church again but you wont mind
staying alone in the house I am sorry we have so many people to dinner but my
brother will always have enough on Sundays for any old or weak people who may
have come from a distance to stay and dine with us and today they all seem to
have come because it is his first Sabbath at home«
In this way Ruths first Sunday passed over
Chapter XV
Mother and Child
»Here is a parcel for you Ruth« said Miss Benson on the Tuesday morning
»For me« said Ruth all sorts of rushing thoughts and hopes filling her
mind and turning her dizzy with expectation If it had been from him the
newborn resolutions would have had a hard struggle for existence
»It is directed Mrs Denbigh« said Miss Benson before giving it up »It is
in Mrs Bradshaws handwriting« and far more curious than Ruth she awaited
the untying of the closeknotted string When the paper was opened it displayed
a whole piece of delicate cambric muslin and there was a short note from Mrs
Bradshaw to Ruth saying her husband had wished her to send this muslin in aid
of any preparations Mrs Denbigh might have to make Ruth said nothing but
coloured up and sat down again to her employment
»Very fine muslin indeed« said Miss Benson feeling it and holding it up
against the light with the air of a connoisseur yet all the time she was
glancing at Ruths grave face The latter kept silence and showed no wish to
inspect her present further At last she said in a low voice
»I suppose I may send it back again«
»My dear child send it back to Mr Bradshaw Youd offend him for life You
may depend upon it he means it as a mark of high favour«
»What right had he to send it me« asked Ruth still in her quiet voice
»What right Mr Bradshaw thinks I dont know exactly what you mean by
right«
Ruth was silent for a moment and then said
»There are people to whom I love to feel that I owe gratitude gratitude
which I cannot express and had better not talk about but I cannot see why a
person whom I do not know should lay me under an obligation Oh dont say I
must take this muslin please Miss Benson«
What Miss Benson might have said if her brother had not just then entered
the room neither he nor any other person could tell but she felt his presence
was most opportune and called him in as umpire He had come hastily for he had
much to do but he no sooner heard the case than he sat down and tried to draw
some more explicit declaration of her feeling from Ruth who had remained silent
during Miss Bensons explanation
»You would rather send this present back« said he
»Yes« she answered softly »Is it wrong«
»Why do you want to return it«
»Because I feel as if Mr Bradshaw had no right to offer it me«
Mr Benson was silent
»Its beautifully fine« said Miss Benson still examining the piece
»You think that it is a right which must be earned«
»Yes« said she after a minutes pause »Dont you«
»I understand what you mean It is a delight to have gifts made to you by
those whom you esteem and love because then such gifts are merely to be
considered as fringes to the garment as inconsiderable additions to the mighty
treasure of their affection adding a grace but no additional value to what
before was precious and proceeding as naturally out of that as leaves burgeon
out upon the trees but you feel it to be different when there is no regard for
the giver to idealise the gift when it simply takes its stand among your
property as so much moneys value Is this it Ruth«
»I think it is I never reasoned why I felt as I did I only knew that Mr
Bradshaws giving me a present hurt me instead of making me glad«
»Well but there is another side of the case we have not looked at yet we
must think of that too You know who said Do unto others as ye would that they
should do unto you Mr Bradshaw may not have had that in his mind when he
desired his wife to send you this he may have been selfseeking and only
anxious to gratify his love of patronising that is the worst motive we can
give him and that would be no excuse for your thinking only of yourself and
returning his present«
»But you would not have me pretend to be obliged« asked Ruth
»No I would not I have often been similarly situated to you Ruth Mr
Bradshaw has frequently opposed me on the points on which I feel the warmest
am the most earnestly convinced He no doubt thinks me Quixotic and often
speaks of me and to me with great contempt when he is angry I suppose he has
a little fit of penitence afterwards or perhaps he thinks he can pay for
ungracious speeches by a present so formerly he invariably sent me something
after these occasions It was a time of all others to feel as you are doing
now but I became convinced it would be right to accept them giving only the
very cool thanks which I felt This omission of all show of much gratitude had
the best effect the presents have much diminished but if the gifts have
lessened the unjustifiable speeches have decreased in still greater proportion
and I am sure we respect each other more Take this muslin Ruth for the reason
I named and thank him as your feelings prompt you Overstrained expressions of
gratitude always seem like an endeavour to place the receiver of these
expressions in the position of debtor for future favours But you wont fall
into this error«
Ruth listened to Mr Benson but she had not yet fallen sufficiently into
the tone of his mind to understand him fully She only felt that he comprehended
her better than Miss Benson who once more tried to reconcile her to her
present by calling her attention to the length and breadth thereof
»I will do what you wish me« she said after a little pause of
thoughtfulness »May we talk of something else«
Mr Benson saw that his sisters frame of mind was not particularly
congenial with Ruths any more than Ruths was with Miss Bensons and putting
aside all thought of returning to the business which had appeared to him so
important when he came into the room but which principally related to himself
he remained above an hour in the parlour interesting them on subjects far
removed from the present and left them at the end of that time soothed and
calm
But the present gave a new current to Ruths ideas Her heart was as yet too
sore to speak but her mind was crowded with plans She asked Sally to buy her
with the money produced by the sale of a ring or two the coarsest linen the
homeliest dark blue print and similar materials on which she set busily to
work to make clothes for herself and as they were made she put them on and as
she put them on she gave a grace to each which such homely material and simple
shaping had never had before Then the fine linen and delicate soft white
muslin which she had chosen in preference to more expensive articles of dress
when Mr Bellingham had given her carte blanche in London were cut into small
garments most daintily stitched and made ready for the little creature for
whom in its white purity of soul nothing could be too precious
The love which dictated this extreme simplicity and coarseness of attire
was taken for stiff hard economy by Mr Bradshaw when he deigned to observe
it And economy by itself without any soul or spirit in it to make it living
and holy was a great merit in his eyes Indeed Ruth altogether found favour
with him Her quiet manner subdued by an internal consciousness of a deeper
cause for sorrow than he was aware of he interpreted into a very proper and
becoming awe of him He looked off from his own prayers to observe how well she
attended to hers at chapel when he came to any verse in the hymn relating to
immortality or a future life he sung it unusually loud thinking he should thus
comfort her in her sorrow for her deceased husband He desired Mrs Bradshaw to
pay her every attention she could and even once remarked that he thought her
so respectable a young person that he should not object to her being asked to
tea the next time Mr and Miss Benson came He added that he thought indeed
Benson had looked last Sunday as if he rather hoped to get an invitation and it
was right to encourage the ministers and to show them respect even though
their salaries were small The only thing against this Mrs Denbigh was the
circumstance of her having married too early and without any provision for a
family Though Ruth pleaded delicacy of health and declined accompanying Mr
and Miss Benson on their visit to Mr Bradshaw she still preserved her place in
his esteem and Miss Benson had to call a little upon her talent for fiction to
spare Ruth from the infliction of further presents in making which his love of
patronising delighted
The yellow and crimson leaves came floating down on the still October air
November followed bleak and dreary it was more cheerful when the earth put on
her beautiful robe of white which covered up all the grey naked stems and
loaded the leaves of the hollies and evergreens each with its burden of feathery
snow When Ruth sat down to languor and sadness Miss Benson trotted upstairs
and rummaged up every article of spare or wornout clothing and bringing down a
variety of strange materials she tried to interest Ruth in making them up into
garments for the poor But though Ruths fingers flew through the work she
still sighed with thought and remembrance Miss Benson was at first
disappointed and then she was angry When she heard the low long sigh and saw
the dreamy eyes filling with glittering tears she would say »What is the
matter Ruth« in a halfreproachful tone for the sight of suffering was
painful to her she had done all in her power to remedy it and though she
acknowledged a cause beyond her reach for Ruths deep sorrow and in fact
loved and respected her all the more for these manifestations of grief yet at
the time they irritated her Then Ruth would snatch up the dropped work and
stitch away with drooping eyes from which the hot tears fell fast and Miss
Benson was then angry with herself yet not at all inclined to agree with Sally
when she asked her mistress »why she kept mithering the poor lass with asking
her for ever what was the matter as if she did not know well enough« Some
element of harmony was wanting some little angel of peace in loving whom all
hearts and natures should be drawn together and their discords hushed
The earth was still hiding her guilty front with innocent snow when a
little baby was laid by the side of the pale white mother It was a boy
beforehand she had wished for a girl as being less likely to feel the want of a
father as being what a mother worse than widowed could most effectually
shelter But now she did not think or remember this What it was she would not
have exchanged for a wilderness of girls It was her own her darling her
individual baby already though not an hour old separate and sole in her
heart strangely filling up its measure with love and peace and even hope For
here was a new pure beautiful innocent life which she fondly imagined in
that early passion of maternal love she could guard from every touch of
corrupting sin by ever watchful and most tender care And her mother had thought
the same most probably and thousands of others think the same and pray to God
to purify and cleanse their souls that they may be fit guardians for their
little children Oh how Ruth prayed even while she was yet too weak to speak
and how she felt the beauty and significance of the words Our Father
She was roused from this holy abstraction by the sound of Miss Bensons
voice It was very much as if she had been crying
»Look Ruth« it said softly »my brother sends you these They are the
first snowdrops in the garden« And she put them on the pillow by Ruth the baby
lay on the opposite side
»Wont you look at him« said Ruth »he is so pretty«
Miss Benson had a strange reluctance to see him To Ruth in spite of all
that had come and gone she was reconciled nay more she was deeply attached
but over the baby there hung a cloud of shame and disgrace Poor little
creature her heart was closed against it firmly as she thought But she
could not resist Ruths low faint voice nor her pleading eyes and she went
round to peep at him as he lay on his mothers arm as yet his shield and guard
»Sally says he will have black hair she thinks« said Ruth »His little
hand is quite a mans already Just feel how firmly he closes it« and with her
own weak fingers she opened his little red fist and taking Miss Bensons
reluctant hand placed one of her fingers in his grasp That babytouch called
out her love the doors of her heart were thrown open wide for the little infant
to go in and take possession
»Ah my darling« said Ruth falling back weak and weary »If God will but
spare you to me never mother did more than I will I have done you a grievous
wrong but if I may but live I will spend my life in serving you«
»And in serving God« said Miss Benson with tears in her eyes »You must
not make him into an idol or God will perhaps punish you through him«
A pang of affright shot through Ruths heart at these words had she already
sinned and made her child into an idol and was there punishment already in
store for her through him But then the internal voice whispered that God was
Our Father and that He knew our frame and knew how natural was the first
outburst of a mothers love so although she treasured up the warning she
ceased to affright herself for what had already gushed forth
»Now go to sleep Ruth« said Miss Benson kissing her and darkening the
room But Ruth could not sleep if her heavy eyes closed she opened them again
with a start for sleep seemed to be an enemy stealing from her the
consciousness of being a mother That one thought excluded all remembrance and
all anticipation in those first hours of delight
But soon remembrance and anticipation came There was the natural want of
the person who alone could take an interest similar in kind though not in
amount to the mothers And sadness grew like a giant in the still watches of
the night when she remembered that there would be no father to guide and
strengthen the child and place him in a favourable position for fighting the
hard Battle of Life She hoped and believed that no one would know the sin of
his parents and that that struggle might be spared to him But a fathers
powerful care and mighty guidance would never be his and then in those hours
of spiritual purification came the wonder and the doubt of how far the real
father would be the one to whom with her desire of heaven for her child
whatever might become of herself she would wish to intrust him Slight
speeches telling of a selfish worldly nature unnoticed at the time came back
upon her ear having a new significance They told of a low standard of
impatient selfindulgence of no acknowledgment of things spiritual and
heavenly Even while this examination was forced upon her by the new spirit of
maternity that had entered into her and made her childs welfare supreme she
hated and reproached herself for the necessity there seemed upon her of
examining and judging the absent father of her child And so the compelling
presence that had taken possession of her wearied her into a kind of feverish
slumber in which she dreamt that the innocent babe that lay by her side in soft
ruddy slumber had started up into mans growth and instead of the pure and
noble being whom she had prayed to present as her child to Our Father in heaven
he was a repetition of his father and like him lured some maiden who in her
dream seemed strangely like herself only more utterly sad and desolate even
than she into sin and left her there to even a worse fate than that of
suicide For Ruth believed there was a worse She dreamt she saw the girl
wandering lost and that she saw her son in high places prosperous but with
more than blood on his soul She saw her son dragged down by the clinging girl
into some pit of horrors into which she dared not look but from whence his
fathers voice was heard crying aloud that in his day and generation he had
not remembered the words of God and that now he was tormented in this flame
Then she started in sick terror and saw by the dim rushlight Sally nodding
in an armchair by the fire and felt her little soft warm babe nestled up
against her breast rocked by her heart which yet beat hard from the effects of
the evil dream She dared not go to sleep again but prayed And every time she
prayed she asked with a more complete wisdom and a more utter and
selfforgetting faith Little child thy angel was with God and drew her nearer
and nearer to Him whose face is continually beheld by the angels of little
children
Chapter XVI
Sally Tells of Her Sweethearts and Discourses on the Duties of Life
Sally and Miss Benson took it in turns to sit up or rather they took it in
turns to nod by the fire for if Ruth was awake she lay very still in the
moonlight calm of her sick bed That time resembled a beautiful August evening
such as I have seen The white snowy rolling mist covers up under its great
sheet all trees and meadows and tokens of earth but it cannot rise high enough
to shut out the heavens which on such nights seem bending very near and to be
the only real and present objects and so near so real and present did heaven
and eternity and God seem to Ruth as she lay encircling her mysterious holy
child
One night Sally found out she was not asleep
»Im a rare hand at talking folks to sleep« said she »Ill try on thee
for thou must get strength by sleeping and eating What must I talk to thee
about I wonder Shall I tell thee a love story or a fairy story such as Ive
telled Master Thurstan many a time and many a time for all his father set his
face again fairies and called it vain talking or shall I tell you the dinner I
once cooked when Mr Harding as was Miss Faiths sweetheart came unlooked
for and wed nought in the house but a neck of mutton out of which I made
seven dishes all with a different name«
»Who was Mr Harding« asked Ruth
»Oh he was a grand gentleman from Lunnon as had seen Miss Faith and been
struck by her pretty looks when she was out on a visit and came here to ask her
to marry him She said No she would never leave Master Thurstan as could
never marry but she pined a deal at after he went away She kept up afore
Master Thurstan but I seed her fretting though I never let on that I did for
I thought shed soonest get over it and be thankful at after shed the strength
to do right However Ive no business to be talking of Miss Bensons concerns
Ill tell you of my own sweethearts and welcome or Ill tell you of the dinner
which was the grandest thing I ever did in my life but I thought a Lunnoner
should never think country folks knew nothing and my word I puzzled him with
his dinner Im doubting whether to this day he knows whether what he was eating
was fish flesh or fowl Shall I tell you how I managed«
But Ruth said she would rather hear about Sallys sweethearts much to the
disappointment of the latter who considered the dinner by far the greatest
achievement
»Well you see I dont know as I should call them sweethearts for
excepting John Rawson who was shut up in a madhouse the next week I never had
what you may call a downright offer of marriage but once But I had once and so
I may say I had a sweetheart I was beginning to be afeard though for one likes
to be axed thats but civility and I remember after I had turned forty and
afore Jeremiah Dixon had spoken I began to think John Rawson had perhaps not
been so very mad and that Id done ill to lightly his offer as a madmans if
it was to be the only one I was ever to have I dont mean as Id have had him
but I thought if it was to come oer again Id speak respectful of him to
folk and say it were only his way to go about on allfours but that he was a
sensible man in most things However Id had my laugh and so had others at my
crazy lover and it was late now to set him up as a Solomon However I thought
it would be no bad thing to be tried again but I little thought the trial would
come when it did You see Saturday night is a leisure night in countinghouses
and suchlike places while its the busiest of all for servants Well it was a
Saturday night and Id my baize apron on and the tails of my bedgown pinned
together behind down on my knees pipeclaying the kitchen when a knock comes
to the back door Come in says I but it knocked again as if it were too
stately to open the door for itself so I got up rather cross and opened the
door and there stood Jerry Dixon Mr Holts headclerk only he was not
headclerk then So I stood stopping up the door fancying he wanted to speak
to master but he kind of pushed past me and telling me summut about the
weather as if I could not see it for myself he took a chair and sat down by
the oven Cool and easy thought I meaning hisself not his place which I knew
must be pretty hot Well it seemed no use standing waiting for my gentleman to
go not that he had much to say either but he kept twirling his hat round and
round and smoothing the nap ont with the back of his hand So at last I
squatted down to my work and thinks I I shall be on my knees all ready if he
puts up a prayer for I knew he was a Methodee by bringingup and had only
lately turned to masters way of thinking and them Methodees are terrible hands
at unexpected prayers when one least looks for em I cant say I like their way
of taking one by surprise as it were but then Im a parishclerks daughter
and could never demean myself to dissenting fashions always save and except
Master Thurstans bless him However Id been caught once or twice unawares
so this time I thought Id be up to it and I moved a dry duster wherever I
went to kneel upon in case he began when I were in a wet place Byandby I
thought if the man would pray it would be a blessing for it would prevent his
sending his eyes after me wherever I went for when they takes to praying they
shuts their eyes and quivers th lids in a queer kind o way them Dissenters
does I can speak pretty plain to you for youre bred in the Church like
mysel and must find it as out o the way as I do to be among dissenting folk
God forbid I should speak disrespectful of Master Thurstan and Miss Faith
though I never think on them as Church or Dissenters but just as Christians
But to come back to Jerry First I tried always to be cleaning at his back but
when he wheeled round so as always to face me I thought Id try a different
game So says I Master Dixon I ax your pardon but I must pipeclay under your
chair Will you please to move Well he moved and byandby I was at him again
with the same words and at after that again and again till he were always
moving about wi his chair behind him like a snail as carries its house on its
back And the great gaupus never seed that I were pipeclaying the same places
twice over At last I got desperate cross he were so in my way so I made two
big crosses on the tails of his brown coat for you see wherever he went up or
down he drew out the tails of his coat from under him and stuck them through
the bars of the chair and flesh and blood could not resist pipeclaying them for
him and a pretty brushing hed have I reckon to get it off again Well at
length he clears his throat uncommon loud so I spreads my duster and shuts my
eyes all ready but when nought comed of it I opened my eyes a little bit to
see what he were about My word if there he wasnt down on his knees right
facing me staring as hard as he could Well I thought it would be hard work to
stand that if he made a long ado so I shut my eyes again and tried to think
serious as became what I fancied were coming but forgive me but I thought why
couldnt the fellow go in and pray wi Master Thurstan as had always a calm
spirit ready for prayer instead o me who had my dresser to scour let alone an
apron to iron At last he says says he Sally will you oblige me with your
hand So I thought it were maybe Methodee fashion to pray hand in hand and
Ill not deny but I wished Id washed it better after blackleading the kitchen
fire I thought Id better tell him it were not so clean as I could wish so
says I Master Dixon you shall have it and welcome if I may just go and wash
em first But says he My dear Sally dirty or clean its all the same to me
seeing Im only speaking in a figuring way What Im asking on my bended knees
is that youd please to be so kind as to be my wedded wife week after next
will suit me if its agreeable to you My word I were up on my feet in an
instant It were odd now werent it I never thought of taking the fellow and
getting married for all Ill not deny I had been thinking it would be
agreeable to be axed But all at once I couldnt abide the chap Sir says I
trying to look shamefaced as became the occasion but for all that feeling a
twittering round my mouth that I were afeard might end in a laugh Master
Dixon Im obleeged to you for the compliment and thank ye all the same but I
think Id prefer a single life He looked mighty taken aback but in a minute he
cleared up and was as sweet as ever He still kept on his knees and I wished
hed take himself up but I reckon he thought it would give force to his
words says he Think again my dear Sally Ive a fourroomed house and
furniture conformable and eighty pound a year You may never have such a chance
again There were truth enough in that but it was not pretty in the man to say
it and it put me up a bit As for that neither you nor I can tell Master
Dixon Youre not the first chap as Ive had down on his knees afore me axing
me to marry him you see I were thinking of John Rawson only I thought there
were no need to say he were on allfours it were truth he were on his knees
you know and maybe youll not be the last Anyhow Ive no wish to change my
condition just now Ill wait till Christmas says he Ive a pig as will be
ready for killing then so I must get married before that Well now would you
believe it the pig was a temptation Id a receipt for curing hams as Miss
Faith would never let me try saying the old way were good enough However I
resisted Says I very stern because I felt Id been wavering Master Dixon
once for all pig or no pig Ill not marry you And if youll take my advice
youll get up off your knees The flags is but damp yet and it would be an
awkward thing to have rheumatiz just before winter With that he got up stiff
enough He looked as sulky a chap as ever I clapped eyes on And as he were so
black and cross I thought Id done well whatever came of the pig to say No to
him You may live to repent this says he very red But Ill not be hard upon
ye Ill give you another chance Ill let you have the night to think about it
and Ill just call in to hear your second thoughts after chapel tomorrow
Well now did ever you hear the like But that is the way with all of them men
thinking so much of theirselves and that its but ask and have Theyve never
had me though and I shall be sixtyone next Martinmas so theres not much
time left for them to try me I reckon Well when Jeremiah said that he put me
up more than ever and I says My first thoughts second thoughts and third
thoughts is all one and the same youve but tempted me once and that was when
you spoke of your pig But of yoursel youre nothing to boast on and so Ill
bid you good night and Ill keep my manners or else if I told the truth I
should say it had been a great loss of time listening to you But Ill be civil
so good night He never said a word but went off as black as thunder
slamming the door after him The master called me in to prayers but I cant say
I could put my mind to them for my heart was beating so However it was a
comfort to have had an offer of holy matrimony and though it flustered me it
made me think more of myself In the night I began to wonder if Id not been
cruel and hard to him You see I were feverishlike and the old song of
Barbary Allen would keep running in my head and I thought I were Barbary and
he were young Jemmy Gray and that maybe hed die for love of me and I pictured
him to mysel lying on his deathbed with his face turned to the wall wi
deadly sorrow sighing and I could ha pinched mysel for having been so like
cruel Barbary Allen And when I got up next day I found it hard to think on the
real Jerry Dixon I had seen the night before apart from the sad and sorrowful
Jerry I thought on adying when I were between sleeping and waking And for
many a day I turned sick when I heard the passing bell for I thought it were
the bell loudknelling which were to break my heart wi a sense of what Id
missed in saying No to Jerry and so killing him with cruelty But in less than
a three week I heard parish bells aringing merrily for a wedding and in the
course of the morning some one says to me Hark how the bells is ringing for
Jerry Dixons wedding And all on a sudden he changed back again from a
heartbroken young fellow like Jemmy Gray into a stout middleaged man
ruddycomplexioned with a wart on his left cheek like life«
Sally waited for some exclamation at the conclusion of her tale but
receiving none she stepped softly to the bedside and there lay Ruth peaceful
as death with her baby on her breast
»I thought Id lost some of my gifts if I could not talk a body to sleep«
said Sally in a satisfied and selfcomplacent tone
Youth is strong and powerful and makes a hard battle against sorrow So
Ruth strove and strengthened and her baby flourished accordingly and before
the little celandines were out on the hedgebanks or the white violets had sent
forth their fragrance from the border under the south wall of Miss Bensons
small garden Ruth was able to carry her baby into that sheltered place on sunny
days
She often wished to thank Mr Benson and his sister but she did not know
how to tell the deep gratitude she felt and therefore she was silent But they
understood her silence well One day as she watched her sleeping child she
spoke to Miss Benson with whom she happened to be alone
»Do you know of any cottage where the people are clean and where they would
not mind taking me in« asked she
»Taking you in What do you mean« said Miss Benson dropping her knitting
in order to observe Ruth more closely
»I mean« said Ruth »where I might lodge with my baby any very poor place
would do only it must be clean or he might be ill«
»And what in the world do you want to go and lodge in a cottage for« said
Miss Benson indignantly
Ruth did not lift up her eyes but she spoke with a firmness which showed
that she had considered the subject
»I think I could make dresses I know I did not learn as much as I might
but perhaps I might do for servants and people who are not particular«
»Servants are as particular as any one« said Miss Benson glad to lay hold
of the first objection that she could
»Well somebody who would be patient with me« said Ruth
»Nobody is patient over an illfitting gown« put in Miss Benson »Theres
the stuff spoilt and what not«
»Perhaps I could find plain work to do« said Ruth very meekly »That I can
do very well mamma taught me and I liked to learn from her If you would be so
good Miss Benson you might tell people I could do plain work very neatly and
punctually and cheaply«
»Youd get sixpence a day perhaps« said Miss Benson »and who would take
care of baby I should like to know Prettily hed be neglected would not he
Why hed have the croup and the typhus fever in no time and be burnt to ashes
after«
»I have thought of all Look how he sleeps Hush darling« for just at this
point he began to cry and to show his determination to be awake as if in
contradiction to his mothers words Ruth took him up and carried him about the
room while she went on speaking
»Yes just now I know he will not sleep but very often he will and in the
night he always does«
»And so youd work in the night and kill yourself and leave your poor baby
an orphan Ruth Im ashamed of you Now brother« Mr Benson had just come
in »is not this too bad of Ruth here she is planning to go away and leave us
just as we as I at least have grown so fond of baby and hes beginning to
know me«
»Where were you thinking of going to Ruth« interrupted Mr Benson with
mild surprise
»Anywhere to be near you and Miss Benson in any poor cottage where I might
lodge very cheaply and earn my livelihood by taking in plain sewing and
perhaps a little dressmaking and where I could come and see you and dear Miss
Benson sometimes and bring baby«
»If he was not dead before then of some fever or burn or scald poor
neglected child or you had not worked yourself to death with never sleeping«
said Miss Benson
Mr Benson thought a minute or two and then he spoke to Ruth
»Whatever you may do when this little fellow is a year old and able to
dispense with some of a mothers care let me beg you Ruth as a favour to me
as a still greater favour to my sister is it not Faith«
»Yes you may put it so if you like«
»To stay with us« continued he »till then When baby is twelve months old
well talk about it again and very likely before then some opening may be shown
us Never fear leading an idle life Ruth Well treat you as a daughter and
set you all the household tasks and it is not for your sake that we ask you to
stay but for this little dumb helpless childs and it is not for our sake that
you must stay but for his«
Ruth was sobbing
»I do not deserve your kindness« said she in a broken voice »I do not
deserve it«
Her tears fell fast and soft like summer rain but no further word was
spoken Mr Benson quietly passed on to make the inquiry for which he had
entered the room
But when there was nothing to decide upon and no necessity for entering
upon any new course of action Ruths mind relaxed from its strungup state She
fell into trains of reverie and mournful regretful recollections which rendered
her languid and tearful This was noticed both by Miss Benson and Sally and as
each had kind sympathies and felt depressed when they saw any one near them
depressed and as each without much reasoning on the cause or reason for such
depression felt irritated at the uncomfortable state into which they themselves
were thrown they both resolved to speak to Ruth on the next fitting occasion
Accordingly one afternoon the morning of that day had been spent by Ruth
in housework for she had insisted on Mr Bensons words and had taken Miss
Bensons share of the more active and fatiguing household duties but she went
through them heavily and as if her heart was far away in the afternoon when
she was nursing her child Sally on coming into the back parlour found her
there alone and easily detected the fact that she was crying
»Wheres Miss Benson« asked Sally gruffly
»Gone out with Mr Benson« answered Ruth with an absent sadness in her
voice and manner Her tears scarce checked while she spoke began to fall
afresh and as Sally stood and gazed she saw the babe look back in his mothers
face and his little lip begin to quiver and his open blue eye to grow
overclouded as with some mysterious sympathy with the sorrowful face bent over
him Sally took him briskly from his mothers arms Ruth looked up in grave
surprise for in truth she had forgotten Sallys presence and the suddenness of
the motion startled her
»My bonny boy are they letting the salt tears drop on thy sweet face before
thourt weaned Little somebody knows how to be a mother I could make a better
myself Dance thumbkin dance dance ye merry men every one Ay thats it
smile my pretty Any one but a child like thee« continued she turning to
Ruth »would have known better than to bring illluck on thy babby by letting
tears fall on its face before it was weaned But thourt not fit to have a
babby and so Ive said many a time Ive a great mind to buy thee a doll and
take thy babby mysel«
Sally did not look at Ruth for she was too much engaged in amusing the baby
with the tassel of the string to the windowblind or else she would have seen
the dignity which the mothers soul put into Ruth at that moment Sally was
quelled into silence by the gentle composure the selfcommand over her
passionate sorrow which gave to Ruth an unconscious grandeur of demeanour as
she came up to the old servant
»Give him back to me please I did not know it brought illluck or if my
heart broke I would not have let a tear drop on his face I never will again
Thank you Sally« as the servant relinquished him to her who came in the name
of a mother Sally watched Ruths grave sweet smile as she followed up Sallys
play with the tassel and imitated with all the docility inspired by love
every movement and sound which had amused her babe
»Thoult be a mother after all« said Sally with a kind of admiration of
the control which Ruth was exercising over herself »But why talk of thy heart
breaking I dont question thee about whats past and gone but now thourt
wanting for nothing nor thy child either the time to come is the Lords and in
His hands and yet thou goest about asighing and amoaning in a way that I
cant stand or thole«
»What do I do wrong« said Ruth »I try to do all I can«
»Yes in a way« said Sally puzzled to know how to describe her meaning
»Thou dost it but theres a right and a wrong way of setting about everything
and to my thinking the right way is to take a thing up heartily if it is
only making a bed Why dear ah me making a bed may be done after a Christian
fashion I take it or else whats to come of such as me in heaven whove had
little enough time on earth for clapping ourselves down on our knees for set
prayers When I was a girl and wretched enough about Master Thurstan and the
crook on his back which came of the fall I gave him I took to praying and
sighing and giving up the world and I thought it were wicked to care for the
flesh so I made heavy puddings and was careless about dinner and the rooms
and thought I was doing my duty though I did call myself a miserable sinner
But one night the old missus Master Thurstans mother came in and sat down
by me as I was ascolding myself without thinking of what I was saying and
says she Sally what are you blaming yourself about and groaning over We hear
you in the parlour every night and it makes my heart ache Oh maam says I
Im a miserable sinner and Im travailing in the new birth Was that the
reason says she why the pudding was so heavy today Oh maam maam said I
if you would not think of the things of the flesh but trouble yourself about
your immortal soul And I sat ashaking my head to think about her soul But
says she in her sweet dropping voice I do try to think of my soul every hour
of the day if by that you mean trying to do the will of God but well talk now
about the pudding Master Thurstan could not eat it and I know youll be sorry
for that Well I was sorry but I didnt choose to say so as she seemed to
expect me so says I Its a pity to see children brought up to care for things
of the flesh and then I could have bitten my tongue out for the missus looked
so grave and I thought of my darling little lad pining for want of his food At
last says she Sally do you think God has put us into the world just to be
selfish and do nothing but see after our own souls or to help one another with
heart and hand as Christ did to all who wanted help I was silent for you
see she puzzled me So she went on What is that beautiful answer in your
Church catechism Sally I were pleased to hear a Dissenter as I did not think
would have done it speak so knowledgeably about the catechism and she went on
»to do my duty in that station of life unto which it shall please God to call
me« well your station is a servant and it is as honourable as a kings if you
look at it right you are to help and serve others in one way just as a king is
to help others in another Now what way are you to help and serve or to do your
duty in that station of life unto which it has pleased God to call you Did it
answer Gods purpose and serve Him when the food was unfit for a child to eat
and unwholesome for any one Well I would not give it up I was so pigheaded
about my soul so says I I wish folks would be content with locusts and wild
honey and leave other folks in peace to work out their salvation and I groaned
out pretty loud to think of missuss soul I often think since she smiled a bit
at me but she said Well Sally tomorrow you shall have time to work out
your salvation but as we have no locusts in England and I dont think theyd
agree with Master Thurstan if we had I will come and make the pudding but I
shall try and do it well not only for him to like it but because everything
may be done in a right way or a wrong the right way is to do it as well as we
can as in Gods sight the wrong is to do it in a selfseeking spirit which
either leads us to neglect it to follow out some device of our own for our own
ends or to give up too much time and thought to it both before and after the
doing Well I thought of old missuss words this morning when I saw you making
the beds You sighed so you could not half shake the pillows your heart was
not in your work and yet it was the duty God had set you I reckon I know its
not the work parsons preach about though I dont think they go so far off the
mark when they read whatsoever thy hand findeth to do that do with all thy
might Just try for a day to think of all the odd jobs as to be done well and
truly as in Gods sight not just slurred over anyhow and youll go through
them twice as cheerfully and have no thought to spare for sighing or crying«
Sally bustled off to set on the kettle for tea and felt half ashamed in
the quiet of the kitchen to think of the oration she had made in the parlour
But she saw with much satisfaction that henceforward Ruth nursed her boy with a
vigour and cheerfulness that were reflected back from him and the household
work was no longer performed with a languid indifference as if life and duty
were distasteful Miss Benson had her share in this improvement though Sally
placidly took all the credit to herself One day as she and Ruth sat together
Miss Benson spoke of the child and thence went on to talk about her own
childhood By degrees they spoke of education and the booklearning that forms
one part of it and the result was that Ruth determined to get up early all
through the bright summer mornings to acquire the knowledge hereafter to be
given to her child Her mind was uncultivated her reading scant beyond the
mere mechanical arts of education she knew nothing but she had a refined taste
and excellent sense and judgment to separate the true from the false With these
qualities she set to work under Mr Bensons directions She read in the early
morning the books that he marked out she trained herself with strict
perseverance to do all thoroughly she did not attempt to acquire any foreign
language although her ambition was to learn Latin in order to teach it to her
boy Those summer mornings were happy for she was learning neither to look
backwards nor forwards but to live faithfully and earnestly in the present She
rose while the hedgesparrow was yet singing his réveil to his mate she dressed
and opened her window shading the softblowing air and the sunny eastern light
from her baby If she grew tired she went and looked at him and all her
thoughts were holy prayers for him Then she would gaze awhile out of the high
upper window on to the moorlands that swelled in waves one behind the other in
the grey cool morning light These were her occasional relaxations and after
them she returned with strength to her work
Chapter XVII
Leonards Christening
In that body of Dissenters to which Mr Benson belonged it is not considered
necessary to baptize infants as early as the ceremony can be performed and many
circumstances concurred to cause the solemn thanksgiving and dedication of the
child for so these Dissenters looked upon christenings to be deferred until it
was probably somewhere about six months old There had been many conversations
in the little sittingroom between the brother and sister and their protégée
which had consisted of questions betraying a thoughtful wondering kind of
ignorance on the part of Ruth and answers more suggestive than explanatory from
Mr Benson while Miss Benson kept up a kind of running commentary always
simple and often quaint but with that intuition into the very heart of all
things truly religious which is often the gift of those who seem at first
sight to be only affectionate and sensible When Mr Benson had explained his
own views of what a christening ought to be considered and by calling out
Ruths latent feelings into pious earnestness brought her into a right frame of
mind he felt that he had done what he could to make the ceremony more than a
mere form and to invest it quiet humble and obscure as it must necessarily
be in outward shape mournful and anxious as many of its antecedents had
rendered it with the severe grandeur of an act done in faith and truth
It was not far to carry the little one for as I said the chapel almost
adjoined the ministers house The whole procession was to have consisted of Mr
and Miss Benson Ruth carrying her babe and Sally who felt herself as a
ChurchofEngland woman to be condescending and kind in requesting leave to
attend a baptism among them Dissenters but unless she had asked permission she
would not have been desired to attend so careful was the habit of her master
and mistress that she should be allowed that freedom which they claimed for
themselves But they were glad she wished to go they liked the feeling that all
were of one household and that the interests of one were the interests of all
It produced a consequence however which they did not anticipate Sally was
full of the event which her presence was to sanction and as it were to redeem
from the character of being utterly schismatic she spoke about it with an air
of patronage to three or four and among them to some of the servants at Mr
Bradshaws
Miss Benson was rather surprised to receive a call from Jemima Bradshaw on
the very morning of the day on which little Leonard was to be baptized Miss
Bradshaw was rosy and breathless with eagerness Although the second in the
family she had been at school when her younger sisters had been christened and
she was now come in the full warmth of a girls fancy to ask if she might be
present at the afternoons service She had been struck with Mrs Denbighs
grace and beauty at the very first sight when she had accompanied her mother to
call upon the Bensons on their return from Wales and had kept up an
enthusiastic interest in the widow only a little older than herself whose very
reserve and retirement but added to her unconscious power of enchantment
»Oh Miss Benson I never saw a christening papa says I may go if you
think Mr Benson and Mrs Denbigh would not dislike it and I will be quite
quiet and sit up behind the door or anywhere and that sweet little baby I
should so like to see him christened is he to be called Leonard did you say
After Mr Denbigh is it«
»No not exactly« said Miss Benson rather discomfited
»Was not Mr Denbighs name Leonard then Mamma thought it would be sure to
be called after him and so did I But I may come to the christening may I not
dear Miss Benson«
Miss Benson gave her consent with a little inward reluctance Both her
brother and Ruth shared in this feeling although no one expressed it and it
was presently forgotten
Jemima stood grave and quiet in the oldfashioned vestry adjoining the
chapel as they entered with steps subdued to slowness She thought Ruth looked
so pale and awed because she was left a solitary parent but Ruth came to the
presence of God as one who had gone astray and doubted her own worthiness to
be called His child she came as a mother who had incurred a heavy
responsibility and who entreated His almighty aid to enable her to discharge
it full of passionate yearning love which craved for more faith in God to
still her distrust and fear of the future that might hang over her darling When
she thought of her boy she sickened and trembled but when she heard of Gods
lovingkindness far beyond all tender mothers love she was hushed into peace
and prayer There she stood her fair pale cheek resting on her babys head as
he slumbered on her bosom her eyes went slanting down under their halfclosed
white lids but their gaze was not on the primitive cottagelike room it was
earnestly fixed on a dim mist through which she fain would have seen the life
that lay before her child but the mist was still and dense too thick a veil
for anxious human love to penetrate The future was hid with God
Mr Benson stood right under the casement window that was placed high up in
the room he was almost in shade except for one or two marked lights which fell
on hair already silvery white his voice was always low and musical when he
spoke to few it was too weak to speak so as to be heard by many without
becoming harsh and strange but now it filled the little room with a loving
sound like the stockdoves brooding murmur over her young He and Ruth forgot
all in their earnestness of thought and when he said »Let us pray« and the
little congregation knelt down you might have heard the babys faint breathing
scarcely sighing out upon the stillness so absorbed were all in the solemnity
But the prayer was long thought followed thought and fear crowded upon fear
and all were to be laid bare before God and His aid and counsel asked Before
the end Sally had shuffled quietly out of the vestry into the green
chapelyard upon which the door opened Miss Benson was alive to this movement
and so full of curiosity as to what it might mean that she could no longer
attend to her brother and felt inclined to rush off and question Sally the
moment all was ended Miss Bradshaw hung about the babe and Ruth and begged to
be allowed to carry the child home but Ruth pressed him to her as if there was
no safe harbour for him but in his mothers breast Mr Benson saw her feeling
and caught Miss Bradshaws look of disappointment
»Come home with us« said he »and stay to tea You have never drunk tea
with us since you went to school«
»I wish I might« said Miss Bradshaw colouring with pleasure »But I must
ask papa May I run home and ask«
»To be sure my dear«
Jemima flew off and fortunately her father was at home for her mothers
permission would have been deemed insufficient She received many directions
about her behaviour
»Take no sugar in your tea Jemima I am sure the Bensons ought not to be
able to afford sugar with their means And do not eat much you can have plenty
at home on your return remember Mrs Denbighs keep must cost them a great
deal«
So Jemima returned considerably sobered and very much afraid of her hunger
leading her to forget Mr Bensons poverty Meanwhile Miss Benson and Sally
acquainted with Mr Bensons invitation to Jemima set about making some capital
teacakes on which they piqued themselves They both enjoyed the offices of
hospitality and were glad to place some homemade tempting dainty before their
guests
»What made ye leave the chapelvestry before my brother had ended« inquired
Miss Benson
»Indeed maam I thought master had prayed so long hed be drouthy So I
just slipped out to put on the kettle for tea«
Miss Benson was on the point of reprimanding her for thinking of anything
besides the object of the prayer when she remembered how she herself had been
unable to attend after Sallys departure for wondering what had become of her
so she was silent
It was a disappointment to Miss Bensons kind and hospitable expectation
when Jemima as hungry as a hound confined herself to one piece of the cake
which her hostess had had such pleasure in making And Jemima wished she had not
a prophetic feeling all teatime of the manner in which her father would inquire
into the particulars of the meal elevating his eyebrows at every viand named
beyond plain breadandbutter and winding up with some such sentence as this
»Well I marvel how with Bensons salary he can afford to keep such a table«
Sally could have told of selfdenial when no one was by when the left hand did
not know what the right hand did on the part of both her master and mistress
practised without thinking even to themselves that it was either a sacrifice or
a virtue in order to enable them to help those who were in need or even to
gratify Miss Bensons kind oldfashioned feelings on such occasions as the
present when a stranger came to the house Her homely affectionate pleasure in
making others comfortable might have shown that such little occasional
extravagances were not waste but a good work and were not to be gauged by the
standard of moneyspending This evening her spirits were damped by Jemimas
refusal to eat Poor Jemima the cakes were so good and she was so hungry but
still she refused
While Sally was clearing away the teathings Miss Benson and Jemima
accompanied Ruth upstairs when she went to put little Leonard to bed
»A christening is a very solemn service« said Miss Bradshaw »I had no idea
it was so solemn Mr Benson seemed to speak as if he had a weight of care on
his heart that God alone could relieve or lighten«
»My brother feels these things very much« said Miss Benson rather wishing
to cut short the conversation for she had been aware of several parts in the
prayer which she knew were suggested by the peculiarity and sadness of the case
before him
»I could not quite follow him all through« continued Jemima »What did he
mean by saying This child rebuked by the world and bidden to stand apart Thou
wilt not rebuke but wilt suffer it to come to Thee and be blessed with Thine
almighty blessing Why is this little darling to be rebuked I do not think I
remember the exact words but he said something like that«
»My dear your gown is dripping wet it must have dipped into the tub let
me wring it out«
»Oh thank you Never mind my gown« said Jemima hastily and wanting to
return to her question but just then she caught the sight of tears falling fast
down the cheeks of the silent Ruth as she bent over her child crowing and
splashing away in his tub With a sudden consciousness that unwittingly she had
touched on some painful chord Jemima rushed into another subject and was
eagerly seconded by Miss Benson The circumstance seemed to die away and leave
no trace but in after years it rose vivid and significant before Jemimas
memory At present it was enough for her if Mrs Denbigh would let her serve
her in every possible way Her admiration for beauty was keen and little
indulged at home and Ruth was very beautiful in her quiet mournfulness her
mean and homely dress left herself only the more open to admiration for she
gave it a charm by her unconscious wearing of it that made it seem like the
drapery of an old Greek statue subordinate to the figure it covered yet
imbued by it with an unspeakable grace Then the pretended circumstances of her
life were such as to catch the imagination of a young romantic girl Altogether
Jemima could have kissed her hand and professed herself Ruths slave She moved
away all the articles used at this little coucher she folded up Leonards
dayclothes she felt only too much honoured when Ruth trusted him to her for a
few minutes only too amply rewarded when Ruth thanked her with a grave sweet
smile and a grateful look of her loving eyes
When Jemima had gone away with the servant who was sent to fetch her there
was a little chorus of praise
»Shes a warmhearted girl« said Miss Benson »She remembers all the old
days before she went to school She is worth two of Mr Richard Theyre each of
them just the same as they were when they were children when they broke that
window in the chapel and he ran away home and she came knocking at our door
with a single knock just like a beggars and I went to see who it was and was
quite startled to see her round brown honest face looking up at me
halffrightened and telling me what she had done and offering me the money in
her savings bank to pay for it We never should have heard of Master Richards
share in the business if it had not been for Sally«
»But remember« said Mr Benson »how strict Mr Bradshaw has always been
with his children It is no wonder if poor Richard was a coward in those days«
»He is now or Im much mistaken« answered Miss Benson »And Mr Bradshaw
was just as strict with Jemima and shes no coward But Ive no faith in
Richard He has a look about him that I dont like And when Mr Bradshaw was
away on business in Holland last year for those months my young gentleman did
not come half as regularly to chapel and I always believe that story of his
being seen out with the hounds at Smithiles«
»Those are neither of them great offences in a young man of twenty« said
Mr Benson smiling
»No I dont mind them in themselves but when he could change back so
easily to being regular and mim when his father came home I dont like that«
»Leonard shall never be afraid of me« said Ruth following her own train of
thought »I will be his friend from the very first and I will try and learn how
to be a wise friend and you will teach me wont you sir«
»What made you wish to call him Leonard Ruth« asked Miss Benson
»It was my mothers fathers name and she used to tell me about him and his
goodness and I thought if Leonard could be like him«
»Do you remember the discussion there was about Miss Bradshaws name
Thurstan Her father wanting her to be called Hephzibah but insisting that she
was to have a Scripture name at any rate and Mrs Bradshaw wanting her to be
Juliana after some novel she had read not long before and at last Jemima was
fixed upon because it would do either for a Scripture name or a name for a
heroine out of a book«
»I did not know Jemima was a Scripture name« said Ruth
»Oh yes it is One of Jobs daughters Jemima Kezia and KerenHappuch
There are a good many Jemimas in the world and some Kezias but I never heard
of a KerenHappuch and yet we know just as much of one as of another People
really like a pretty name whether in Scripture or out of it«
»When there is no particular association with the name« said Mr Benson
»Now I was called Faith after the cardinal virtue and I like my name
though many people would think it too Puritan that was according to our gentle
mothers pious desire And Thurstan was called by his name because my father
wished it for although he was what people called a radical and a democrat in
his ways of talking and thinking he was very proud in his heart of being
descended from some old Sir Thurstan who figured away in the French wars«
»The difference between theory and practice thinking and being« put in Mr
Benson who was in a mood for allowing himself a little social enjoyment He
leaned back in his chair with his eyes looking at but not seeing the ceiling
Miss Benson was clicking away with her eternal knittingneedles looking at her
brother and seeing him too Ruth was arranging her childs clothes against the
morrow It was but their usual way of spending an evening the variety was given
by the different tone which the conversation assumed on the different nights
Yet somehow the peacefulness of the time the window open into the little
garden the scents that came stealing in and the clear summer heaven above
made the time be remembered as a happy festival by Ruth Even Sally seemed more
placid than usual when she came in to prayers and she and Miss Benson followed
Ruth to her bedroom to look at the beautiful sleeping Leonard
»God bless him« said Miss Benson stooping down to kiss his little dimpled
hand which lay outside the coverlet tossed abroad in the heat of the evening
»Now dont get up too early Ruth Injuring your health will be
shortsighted wisdom and poor economy Good night«
»Good night dear Miss Benson Good night Sally« When Ruth had shut her
door she went again to the bed and looked at her boy till her eyes filled with
tears
»God bless thee darling I only ask to be one of His instruments and not
thrown aside as useless or worse than useless«
So ended the day of Leonards christening
Mr Benson had sometimes taught the children of different people as an
especial favour when requested by them But then his pupils were only children
and by their progress he was little prepared for Ruths She had had early
teaching of that kind which need never be unlearnt from her mother enough to
unfold many of her powers they had remained inactive now for several years but
had grown strong in the dark and quiet time Her tutor was surprised at the
bounds by which she surmounted obstacles the quick perception and ready
adaptation of truths and first principles and her immediate sense of the
fitness of things Her delight in what was strong and beautiful called out her
masters sympathy but most of all he admired the complete unconsciousness of
uncommon power or unusual progress It was less of a wonder than he considered
it to be it is true for she never thought of comparing what she was now with
her former self much less with another Indeed she did not think of herself at
all but of her boy and what she must learn in order to teach him to be and to
do as suited her hope and her prayer If any ones devotion could have flattered
her into selfconsciousness it was Jemimas Mr Bradshaw never dreamed that
his daughter could feel herself inferior to the ministers protégée but so it
was and no knighterrant of old could consider himself more honoured by his
ladyes commands than did Jemima if Ruth allowed her to do anything for her or
for her boy Ruth loved her heartily even while she was rather annoyed at the
open expression Jemima used of admiration
»Please I really would rather not be told if people do think me pretty«
»But it was not merely beautiful it was sweetlooking and good Mrs
Postlethwaite called you« replied Jemima
»All the more I would rather not hear it I may be pretty but I know I am
not good Besides I dont think we ought to hear what is said of us behind our
backs«
Ruth spoke so gravely that Jemima feared lest she was displeased
»Dear Mrs Denbigh I never will admire or praise you again Only let me
love you«
»And let me love you« said Ruth with a tender kiss
Jemima would not have been allowed to come so frequently if Mr Bradshaw had
not been possessed with the idea of patronising Ruth If the latter had chosen
she might have gone dressed from head to foot in the presents which he wished to
make her but she refused them constantly occasionally to Miss Bensons great
annoyance But if he could not load her with gifts he could show his
approbation by asking her to his house and after some deliberation she
consented to accompany Mr and Miss Benson there The house was square and
massylooking with a great deal of drabcolour about the furniture Mrs
Bradshaw in her lackadaisical sweettempered way seconded her husband in his
desire of being kind to Ruth and as she cherished privately a great taste for
what was beautiful or interesting as opposed to her husbands love of the
purely useful this taste of hers had rarely had so healthy and true a mode of
gratification as when she watched Ruths movements about the room which seemed
in its unobtrusiveness and poverty of colour to receive the requisite ornament
of light and splendour from Ruths presence Mrs Bradshaw sighed and wished
she had a daughter as lovely about whom to weave a romance for
castlebuilding after the manner of the Minerva Press was the outlet by which
she escaped from the pressure of her prosaic life as Mr Bradshaws wife Her
perception was only of external beauty and she was not always alive to that or
she might have seen how a warm affectionate ardent nature free from all envy
or carking care of self gave an unspeakable charm to her plain brightfaced
daughter Jemima whose dark eyes kept challenging admiration for her friend The
first evening spent at Mr Bradshaws passed like many succeeding visits there
There was tea the equipage for which was as handsome and as ugly as money could
purchase Then the ladies produced their sewing while Mr Bradshaw stood before
the fire and gave the assembled party the benefit of his opinions on many
subjects The opinions were as good and excellent as the opinions of any man can
be who sees one side of a case very strongly and almost ignores the other They
coincided in many points with those held by Mr Benson but he once or twice
interposed with a plea for those who might differ and then he was heard by Mr
Bradshaw with a kind of evident and indulgent pity such as one feels for a
child who unwittingly talks nonsense Byandby Mrs Bradshaw and Miss Benson
fell into one têteàtête and Ruth and Jemima into another Two wellbehaved
but unnaturally quiet children were sent to bed early in the evening in an
authoritative voice by their father because one of them had spoken too loud
while he was enlarging on an alteration in the tariff Just before the
suppertray was brought in a gentleman was announced whom Ruth had never
previously seen but who appeared well known to the rest of the party It was
Mr Farquhar Mr Bradshaws partner he had been on the Continent for the last
year and had only recently returned He seemed perfectly at home but spoke
little He leaned back in his chair screwed up his eyes and watched everybody
yet there was nothing unpleasant or impertinent in his keenness of observation
Ruth wondered to hear him contradict Mr Bradshaw and almost expected some
rebuff but Mr Bradshaw if he did not yield the point admitted for the first
time that evening that it was possible something might be said on the other
side Mr Farquhar differed also from Mr Benson but it was in a more
respectful manner than Mr Bradshaw had done For these reasons although Mr
Farquhar had never spoken to Ruth she came away with the impression that he was
a man to be respected and perhaps liked
Sally would have thought herself mightily aggrieved if on their return she
had not heard some account of the evening As soon as Miss Benson came in the
old servant began
»Well and who was there and what did they give you for supper«
»Only Mr Farquhar besides ourselves and sandwiches spongecake and wine
there was no occasion for anything more« replied Miss Benson who was tired and
preparing to go upstairs
»Mr Farquhar Why they do say hes thinking of Miss Jemima«
»Nonsense Sally why hes old enough to be her father« said Miss Benson
halfway up the first flight
»Theres no need for it to be called nonsense though he may be ten year
older« muttered Sally retreating towards the kitchen »Bradshaws Betsy knows
what shes about and wouldnt have said it for nothing«
Ruth wondered a little about it She loved Jemima well enough to be
interested in what related to her but after thinking for a few minutes she
decided that such a marriage was and would ever be very unlikely
Chapter XVIII
Ruth Becomes a Governess in Mr Bradshaws Family
One afternoon not long after this Mr and Miss Benson set off to call upon a
farmer who attended the chapel but lived at some distance from the town They
intended to stay to tea if they were invited and Ruth and Sally were left to
spend a long afternoon together At first Sally was busy in her kitchen and
Ruth employed herself in carrying her baby out into the garden It was now
nearly a year since she came to the Bensons it seemed like yesterday and yet
as if a lifetime had gone between The flowers were budding now that were all
in bloom when she came down on the first autumnal morning into the sunny
parlour The yellow jessamine that was then a tender plant had now taken firm
root in the soil and was sending out strong shoots the wallflowers which
Miss Benson had sown on the wall a day or two after her arrival were scenting
the air with their fragrant flowers Ruth knew every plant now it seemed as
though she had always lived here and always known the inhabitants of the house
She heard Sally singing her accustomed song in the kitchen a song she never
varied over her afternoons work It began
»As I was going to Derby sir
Upon a marketday«
And if music is a necessary element in a song perhaps I had better call it by
some other name
But the strange change was in Ruth herself She was conscious of it though
she could not define it and did not dwell upon it Life had become significant
and full of duty to her She delighted in the exercise of her intellectual
powers and liked the idea of the infinite amount of which she was ignorant for
it was a grand pleasure to learn to crave and be satisfied She strove to
forget what had gone before this last twelve months She shuddered up from
contemplating it it was like a bad unholy dream And yet there was a strange
yearning kind of love for the father of the child whom she pressed to her heart
which came and she could not bid it begone as sinful it was so pure and
natural even when thinking of it as in the sight of God Little Leonard cooed
to the flowers and stretched after their bright colours and Ruth laid him on
the dry turf and pelted him with the gay petals He chinked and crowed with
laughing delight and clutched at her cap and pulled it off Her short rich
curls were goldenbrown in the slanting sunlight and by their very shortness
made her more childlike She hardly seemed as if she could be the mother of the
noble babe over whom she knelt now snatching kisses now matching his cheek
with roseleaves All at once the bells of the old church struck the hour and
far away high up in the air began slowly to play the old tune of Life let us
cherish they had played it for years for the life of man and it always
sounded fresh and strange and aërial Ruth was still in a moment she knew not
why and the tears came into her eyes as she listened When it was ended she
kissed her baby and bade God bless him
Just then Sally came out dressed for the evening with a leisurely look
about her She had done her work and she and Ruth were to drink tea together in
the exquisitely clean kitchen but while the kettle was boiling she came out to
enjoy the flowers She gathered a piece of southernwood and stuffed it up her
nose by way of smelling it
»Whatten you call this in your country« asked she
»Oldman« replied Ruth
»We call it here ladslove It and peppermint drops always reminds me of
going to church in the country Here Ill get you a blackcurrant leaf to put
in the teapot It gives it a flavour We had bees once against this wall but
when missus died we forgot to tell em and put em in mourning and in course
they swarmed away without our knowing and the next winter came a hard frost
and they died Now I dare say the water will be boiling and its time for
little master there to come in for the dew is falling See all the daisies is
shutting themselves up«
Sally was most gracious as a hostess She quite put on her company manners
to receive Ruth in the kitchen They laid Leonard to sleep on the sofa in the
parlour that they might hear him the more easily and then they sat quietly
down to their sewing by the bright kitchen fire Sally was as usual the
talker and as usual the subject was the family of whom for so many years she
had formed a part
»Ay things was different when I was a girl« quoth she »Eggs was thirty
for a shilling and butter only sixpence a pound My wage when I came here was
but three pound and I did on it and was always clean and tidy which is more
than many a lass can say now who gets seven and eight pound a year and tea was
kept for an afternoon drink and pudding was eaten afore meat in them days and
the upshot was people paid their debts better ay ay wen gone backwards and
we thinken wen gone forrards«
After shaking her head a little over the degeneracy of the times Sally
returned to a part of the subject on which she thought she had given Ruth a
wrong idea
»Youll not go for to think now that Ive not more than three pound a year
Ive a deal above that now First of all old missus gave me four pound for she
said I were worth it and I thought in my heart that I were so I took it
without more ado but after her death Master Thurstan and Miss Faith took a fit
of spending and says they to me one day as I carried tea in Sally we think
your wages ought to be raised What matter what you think said I pretty sharp
for I thought theyd ha shown more respect to missus if theyd let things
stand as they were in her time and theyd gone and moved the sofa away from the
wall to where it stands now already that very day So I speaks up sharp and
says I As long as Im content I think its no business of yours to be meddling
wi me and my money matters But says Miss Faith shes always the one to speak
first if youll notice though its master that comes in and clinches the matter
with some reason shed never ha thought of he were always a sensible lad
Sally all the servants in the town have six pound and better and you have as
hard a place as any of em Did you ever hear me grumble about my work that you
talk about it in that way wait till I grumble says I but dont meddle wi me
till then So I flung off in a huff but in the course of the evening Master
Thurstan came in and sat down in the kitchen and hes such winning ways he
wiles one over to anything and besides a notion had come into my head now
youll not tell« said she glancing round the room and hitching her chair
nearer to Ruth in a confidential manner Ruth promised and Sally went on
»I thought I should like to be an heiress wi money and leave it all to
Master and Miss Faith and I thought if Id six pound a year I could may be
get to be an heiress all I was feared on was that some chap or other might
marry me for my money but Ive managed to keep the fellows off so I looks mim
and grateful and I thanks Master Thurstan for his offer and I takes the wages
and what do you think Ive done« asked Sally with an exultant air
»What have you done« asked Ruth
»Why« replied Sally slowly and emphatically »Ive saved thirty pound but
thats not it Ive getten a lawyer to make me a will thats it wench« said
she slapping Ruth on the back
»How did you manage it« asked Ruth
»Ay that was it« said Sally »I thowt about it many a night before I hit
on the right way I was afeared the money might be thrown into Chancery if I
didnt make it all safe and yet I could na ask Master Thurstan At last and
at length John Jackson the grocer had a nephew come to stay a week with him
as was prentice to a lawyer in Liverpool so now was my time and here was my
lawyer Wait a minute I could tell you my story better if I had my will in my
hand and Ill scomfish you if ever you go for to tell«
She held up her hand and threatened Ruth as she left the kitchen to fetch
the will
When she came back she brought a parcel tied up in a blue
pockethandkerchief she sat down squared her knees untied the handkerchief
and displayed a small piece of parchment
»Now do you know what this is« said she holding it up »Its parchment
and its the right stuff to make wills on People gets into Chancery if they
dont make them o this stuff and I reckon Tom Jackson thowt hed have a fresh
job on it if he could get it into Chancery for the rascal went and wrote it on
a piece of paper at first and came and read it me out aloud off a piece of
paper no better than what one writes letters upon I were up to him and thinks
I Come come my lad Im not a fool though you may think so I know a paper
will wont stand but Ill let you run your rig So I sits and I listens And
would you believe me he read it out as if it were as clear a business as your
giving me that thimble no more ado though it were thirty pound I could
understand it mysel that were no law for me I wanted summat to consider
about and for th meaning to be wrapped up as I wrap up my best gown So says
I Tom its not on parchment I mun have it on parchment This ll do as well
says he Well get it witnessed and it will stand good Well I liked the
notion of having it witnessed and for a while that soothed me but after a bit
I felt I should like it done according to law and not plain out as anybody
might ha done it I mysel if I could have written So says I Tom I mun have
it on parchment Parchment costs money says he very grave Oh oh my lad are
ye there thinks I Thats the reason Im clipped of law So says I Tom I mun
have it on parchment Ill pay the money and welcome Its thirty pound and
what I can lay to it Ill make it safe It shall be on parchment and Ill tell
thee what lad Ill gie ye sixpence for every good lawword you put in it
sounding like and not to be caught up as a person runs Your master had need to
be ashamed of you as a prentice if you cant do a thing more tradesmanlike
than this Well he laughed above a bit but I were firm and stood to it So he
made it out on parchment Now woman try and read it« said she giving it to
Ruth
Ruth smiled and began to read Sally listening with rapt attention When
Ruth came to the word testatrix Sally stopped her
»That was the first sixpence« said she »I thowt he was going to fob me off
again wi plain language but when that word came I out wi my sixpence and
gave it to him on the spot Now go on«
Presently Ruth read accruing
»That was the second sixpence Four sixpences it were in all besides
sixandeightpence as we bargained at first and threeandfourpence parchment
There thats what I call a will witnessed according to law and all Master
Thurstan will be prettily taken in when I die and he finds all his extra wage
left back to him But it will teach him its not so easy as he thinks for to
make a woman give up her way«
The time was now drawing near when little Leonard might be weaned the time
appointed by all three for Ruth to endeavour to support herself in some way more
or less independent of Mr and Miss Benson This prospect dwelt much in all of
their minds and was in each shaded with some degree of perplexity but they
none of them spoke of it for fear of accelerating the event If they had felt
clear and determined as to the best course to be pursued they were none of them
deficient in courage to commence upon that course at once Miss Benson would
perhaps have objected the most to any alteration in their present daily mode of
life but that was because she had the habit of speaking out her thoughts as
they arose and she particularly disliked and dreaded change Besides this she
had felt her heart open out and warm towards the little helpless child in a
strong and powerful manner Nature had intended her warm instincts to find vent
in a mothers duties her heart had yearned after children and made her
restless in her childless state without her well knowing why but now the
delight she experienced in tending nursing and contriving for the little boy
even contriving to the point of sacrificing many of her cherished whims
made her happy and satisfied and peaceful It was more difficult to sacrifice
her whims than her comforts but all had been given up when and where required
by the sweet lordly baby who reigned paramount in his very helplessness
From some cause or other an exchange of ministers for one Sunday was to be
effected with a neighbouring congregation and Mr Benson went on a short
absence from home When he returned on Monday he was met at the housedoor by
his sister who had evidently been looking out for him for some time She
stepped out to greet him
»Dont hurry yourself Thurstan alls well only I wanted to tell you
something Dont fidget yourself baby is quite well bless him Its only good
news Come into your room and let me talk a little quietly with you«
She drew him into his study which was near the outer door and then she
took off his coat and put his carpetbag in a corner and wheeled a chair to
the fire before she would begin
»Well now to think how often things fall out just as we want them
Thurstan Have not you often wondered what was to be done with Ruth when the
time came at which we promised her she should earn her living I am sure you
have because I have so often thought about it myself And yet I never dared to
speak out my fear because that seemed giving it a shape And now Mr Bradshaw
has put all to rights He invited Mr Jackson to dinner yesterday just as we
were going into chapel and then he turned to me and asked me if I would come to
tea straight from afternoon chapel because Mrs Bradshaw wanted to speak to
me He made it very clear I was not to bring Ruth and indeed she was only too
happy to stay at home with baby And so I went and Mrs Bradshaw took me into
her bedroom and shut the doors and said Mr Bradshaw had told her that he did
not like Jemima being so much confined with the younger ones while they were at
their lessons and that he wanted some one above a nursemaid to sit with them
while their masters were there some one who would see about their learning
their lessons and who would walk out with them a sort of nursery governess I
think she meant though she did not say so and Mr Bradshaw for of course I
saw his thoughts and words constantly peeping out though he had told her to
speak to me believed that our Ruth would be the very person Now Thurstan
dont look so surprised as if she had never come into your head I am sure I
saw what Mrs Bradshaw was driving at long before she came to the point and I
could scarcely keep from smiling and saying Wed jump at the proposal long
before I ought to have known anything about it«
»Oh I wonder what we ought to do« said Mr Benson »Or rather I believe
I see what we ought to do if I durst but do it«
»Why what ought we to do« asked his sister in surprise
»I ought to go and tell Mr Bradshaw the whole story«
»And get Ruth turned out of our house« said Miss Benson indignantly
»They cant make us do that« said her brother »I do not think they would
try«
»Yes Mr Bradshaw would try and he would blazon out poor Ruths sin and
there would not be a chance for her left I know him well Thurstan and why
should he be told now more than a year ago«
»A year ago he did not want to put her in a situation of trust about his
children«
»And you think shell abuse that trust do you Youve lived a twelvemonth
in the house with Ruth and the end of it is you think she will do his children
harm Besides who encouraged Jemima to come to the house so much to see Ruth
Did you not say it would do them both good to see something of each other«
Mr Benson sat thinking
»If you had not known Ruth as well as you do if during her stay with us
you had marked anything wrong or forward or deceitful or immodest I would
say at once Dont allow Mr Bradshaw to take her into his house but still I
would say Dont tell of her sin and sorrow to so severe a man so unpitiful a
judge But here I ask you Thurstan can you or I or Sally quickeyed as she
is say that in any one thing we have had true just occasion to find fault
with Ruth I dont mean that she is perfect she acts without thinking her
temper is sometimes warm and hasty but have we any right to go and injure her
prospects for life by telling Mr Bradshaw all we know of her errors only
sixteen when she did so wrong and never to escape from it all her many years to
come to have the despair which would arise from its being known clutching her
back into worse sin What harm do you think she can do What is the risk to
which you think you are exposing Mr Bradshaws children« She paused out of
breath her eyes glittering with tears of indignation and impatient for an
answer that she might knock it to pieces
»I do not see any danger that can arise« said he at length and with slow
difficulty as if not fully convinced »I have watched Ruth and I believe she
is pure and truthful and the very sorrow and penitence she has felt the very
suffering she has gone through has given her a thoughtful conscientiousness
beyond her age«
»That and the care of her baby« said Miss Benson secretly delighted at the
tone of her brothers thoughts
»Ah Faith that baby you so much dreaded once is turning out a blessing
you see« said Thurstan with a faint quiet smile
»Yes any one might be thankful and better too for Leonard but how could
I tell that it would be like him«
»But to return to Ruth and Mr Bradshaw What did you say«
»Oh with my feelings of course I was only too glad to accept the
proposal and so I told Mrs Bradshaw then and I afterwards repeated it to Mr
Bradshaw when he asked me if his wife had mentioned their plans They would
understand that I must consult you and Ruth before it could be considered as
finally settled«
»And have you named it to her«
»Yes« answered Miss Benson half afraid lest he should think she had been
too precipitate
»And what did she say« asked he after a little pause of grave silence
»At first she seemed very glad and fell into my mood of planning how it
should all be managed how Sally and I should take care of the baby the hours
that she was away at Mr Bradshaws but byandby she became silent and
thoughtful and knelt down by me and hid her face in my lap and shook a little
as if she was crying and then I heard her speak in a very low smothered voice
for her head was still bent down quite hanging down indeed so that I could
not see her face so I stooped to listen and I heard her say Do you think I
should be good enough to teach little girls Miss Benson She said it so humbly
and fearfully that all I thought of was how to cheer her and I answered and
asked her if she did not hope to be good enough to bring up her own darling to
be a brave Christian man And she lifted up her head and I saw her eyes looking
wild and wet and earnest and she said With Gods help that will I try to make
my child And I said then Ruth as you strive and as you pray for your own
child so you must strive and pray to make Mary and Elizabeth good if you are
trusted with them And she said out quite clear though her face was hidden from
me once more I will strive and I will pray You would not have had any fears
Thurstan if you could have heard and seen her last night«
»I have no fear« said he decidedly »Let the plan go on« After a minute
he added »But I am glad it was so far arranged before I heard of it My
indecision about right and wrong my perplexity as to how far we are to
calculate consequences grows upon me I fear«
»You look tired and weary dear You should blame your body rather than your
conscience at these times«
»A very dangerous doctrine«
The scroll of Fate was closed and they could not foresee the Future and
yet if they could have seen it though they might have shrunk fearfully at
first they would have smiled and thanked God when all was done and said
Chapter XIX
After Five Years
The quiet days grew into weeks and months and even years without any event to
startle the little circle into the consciousness of the lapse of time One who
had known them at the date of Ruths becoming a governess in Mr Bradshaws
family and had been absent until the time of which I am now going to tell you
would have noted some changes which had imperceptibly come over all but he
too would have thought that the life which had brought so little of turmoil
and vicissitude must have been calm and tranquil and in accordance with the
bygone activity of the town in which their existence passed away
The alterations that he would have perceived were those caused by the
natural progress of time The Benson home was brightened into vividness by the
presence of the little Leonard now a noble boy of six large and grand in limb
and stature and with a face of marked beauty and intelligence Indeed he might
have been considered by many as too intelligent for his years and often the
living with old and thoughtful people gave him beyond most children the
appearance of pondering over the mysteries which meet the young on the threshold
of life but which fade away as advancing years bring us more into contact with
the practical and tangible fade away and vanish until it seems to require the
agitation of some great storm of the soul before we can again realise spiritual
things
But at times Leonard seemed oppressed and bewildered after listening
intent with grave and wondering eyes to the conversation around him at
others the bright animal life shone forth radiant and no three months kitten
no foal suddenly tossing up its heels by the side of its sedate dam and
careering around the pasture in pure mad enjoyment no young creature of any
kind could show more merriment and gladness of heart
»For ever in mischief« was Sallys account of him at such times but it was
not intentional mischief and Sally herself would have been the first to scold
any one else who had used the same words in reference to her darling Indeed
she was once nearly giving warning because she thought the boy was being
illused The occasion was this Leonard had for some time shown a strange odd
disregard of truth he invented stories and told them with so grave a face
that unless there was some internal evidence of their incorrectness such as
describing a cow with a bonnet on he was generally believed and his
statements which were given with the full appearance of relating a real
occurrence had once or twice led to awkward results All the three whose
hearts were pained by this apparent unconsciousness of the difference between
truth and falsehold were unaccustomed to children or they would have
recognised this as a stage through which most infants who would have lively
imaginations pass and accordingly there was a consultation in Mr Bensons
study one morning Ruth was there quiet very pale and with compressed lips
sick at heart as she heard Miss Bensons arguments for the necessity of
whipping in order to cure Leonard of his storytelling Mr Benson looked
unhappy and uncomfortable Education was but a series of experiments to them
all and they all had a secret dread of spoiling the noble boy who was the
darling of their hearts And perhaps this very intensity of love begot an
impatient unnecessary anxiety and made them resolve on sterner measures than
the parent of a large family where love was more spread abroad would have
dared to use At any rate the vote for whipping carried the day and even Ruth
trembling and cold agreed that it must be done only she asked in a meek sad
voice if she need be present Mr Benson was to be the executioner the scene
the study and being instantly told that she had better not she went slowly
and languidly up to her room and kneeling down she closed her ears and
prayed
Miss Benson having carried her point was very sorry for the child and
would have begged him off but Mr Benson had listened more to her arguments
than now to her pleadings and only answered »If it is right it shall be
done« He went into the garden and deliberately almost as if he wished to gain
time chose and cut off a little switch from the laburnumtree Then he returned
through the kitchen and gravely taking the awed and wondering little fellow by
the hand he led him silently into the study and placing him before him began
an admonition on the importance of truthfulness meaning to conclude with what
he believed to be the moral of all punishment »As you cannot remember this of
yourself I must give you a little pain to make you remember it I am sorry it
is necessary and that you cannot recollect without my doing so«
But before he had reached this very proper and desirable conclusion and
while he was yet working his way his heart aching with the terrified look of
the child at the solemnly sad face and words of upbraiding Sally burst in
»And what may ye be going to do with that fine switch I saw ye gathering
Master Thurstan« asked she her eyes gleaming with anger at the answer she knew
must come if answer she had at all
»Go away Sally« said Mr Benson annoyed at the fresh difficulty in his
path
»Ill not stir never a step till you give me that switch as youve got for
some mischief Ill be bound«
»Sally remember where it is said He that spareth the rod spoileth the
child« said Mr Benson austerely
»Ay I remember and I remember a bit more than you want me to remember I
reckon It were King Solomon as spoke them words and it were King Solomons son
that were King Rehoboam and no great shakes either I can remember what is said
on him 2 Chronicles xii chapter 14th v And he thats King Rehoboam the
lad that tasted the rod did evil because he prepared not his heart to seek
the Lord Ive not been reading my chapters every night for fifty year to be
caught napping by a Dissenter neither« said she triumphantly »Come along
Leonard« She stretched out her hand to the child thinking that she had
conquered
But Leonard did not stir He looked wistfully at Mr Benson »Come« said
she impatiently The boys mouth quivered
»If you want to whip me uncle you may do it I dont much mind«
Put in this form it was impossible to carry out his intentions and so Mr
Benson told the lad he might go that he would speak to him another time
Leonard went away more subdued in spirit than if he had been whipped Sally
lingered a moment She stopped to add »I think its for them without sin to
throw stones at a poor child and cut up good laburnumbranches to whip him I
only do as my betters do when I call Leonards mother Mrs Denbigh« The moment
she had said this she was sorry it was an ungenerous advantage after the enemy
had acknowledged himself defeated Mr Benson dropped his head upon his hands
and hid his face and sighed deeply
Leonard flew in search of his mother as in search of a refuge If he had
found her calm he would have burst into a passion of crying after his
agitation as it was he came upon her kneeling and sobbing and he stood quite
still Then he threw his arms round her neck and said »Mamma mamma I will be
good I make a promise I will speak true I make a promise« And he kept his
word
Miss Benson piqued herself upon being less carried away by her love for this
child than any one else in the house she talked severely and had capital
theories but her severity ended in talk and her theories would not work
However she read several books on education knitting socks for Leonard all the
while and upon the whole I think the hands were more usefully employed than
the head and the good honest heart better than either She looked older than
when we first knew her but it was a ripe kindly age that was coming over her
Her excellent practical sense perhaps made her a more masculine character than
her brother He was often so much perplexed by the problems of life that he let
the time for action go by but she kept him in check by her clear pithy talk
which brought back his wandering thoughts to the duty that lay straight before
him waiting for action and then he remembered that it was the faithful part to
wait patiently upon God and leave the ends in His hands who alone knows why
Evil exists in this world and why it ever hovers on either side of Good In
this respect Miss Benson had more faith than her brother or so it seemed for
quick resolute action in the next step of Life was all she required while he
deliberated and trembled and often did wrong from his very deliberation when
his first instinct would have led him right
But although decided and prompt as ever Miss Benson was grown older since
the summer afternoon when she dismounted from the coach at the foot of the long
Welsh hill that led to Llandhu where her brother awaited her to consult her
about Ruth Though her eye was as bright and straightlooking as ever quick and
brave in its glances her hair had become almost snowy white and it was on this
point she consulted Sally soon after the date of Leonards last untruth The
two were arranging Miss Bensons room one morning when after dusting the
lookingglass she suddenly stopped in her operation and after a close
inspection of herself startled Sally by this speech
»Sally Im looking a great deal older than I used to do«
Sally who was busy dilating on the increased price of flour considered
this remark of Miss Bensons as strangely irrelevant to the matter in hand and
only noticed it by a
»To be sure I suppose we all on us do But twoandfourpence a dozen is too
much to make us pay for it«
Miss Benson went on with her inspection of herself and Sally with her
economical projects
»Sally« said Miss Benson »my hair is nearly white The last time I looked
it was only pepperandsalt What must I do«
»Do why what would the wench do« asked Sally contemptuously »Yere
never going to be taken in at your time of life by hairdyes and such
gimcracks as can only take in young girls whose wisdomteeth are not cut«
»And who are not very likely to want them« said Miss Benson quietly »No
but you see Sally its very awkward having such grey hair and feeling so
young Do you know Sally Ive as great a mind for dancing when I hear a
lively tune on the streetorgans as ever and as great a mind to sing when Im
happy to sing in my old way Sally you know«
»Ay you had it from a girl« said Sally »and many a time when the doors
been shut I did not know if it was you in the parlour or a big bumblebee in
the kitchen as was making that drumbling noise I heard you at it yesterday«
»But an old woman with grey hair ought not to have a fancy for dancing or
singing« continued Miss Benson
»Whatten nonsense are ye talking« said Sally roused to indignation
»Calling yoursel an old woman when youre better than ten years younger than
me and many a girl has grey hair at fiveandtwenty«
»But Im more than fiveandtwenty Sally Im fiftyseven next May«
»More shame for ye then not to know better than to talk of dyeing your
hair I cannot abide such vanities«
»Oh dear Sally when will you understand what I mean I want to know how
Im to keep remembering how old I am so as to prevent myself from feeling so
young I was quite startled just now to see my hair in the glass for I can
generally tell if my cap is straight by feeling Ill tell you what Ill do
Ill cut off a piece of my grey hair and plait it together for a marker in my
Bible« Miss Benson expected applause for this bright idea but Sally only made
answer
»Youll be taking to painting your cheeks next now youve once thought of
dyeing your hair« So Miss Benson plaited her grey hair in silence and
quietness Leonard holding one end of it while she wove it and admiring the
colour and texture all the time with a sort of implied dissatisfaction at the
auburn colour of his own curls which was only halfcomforted away by Miss
Bensons information that if he lived long enough his hair would be like
hers
Mr Benson who had looked old and frail while he was yet but young was now
stationary as to the date of his appearance But there was something more of
nervous restlessness in his voice and ways than formerly that was the only
change five years had brought to him And as for Sally she chose to forget age
and the passage of years altogether and had as much work in her to use her own
expression as she had at sixteen nor was her appearance very explicit as to
the flight of time Fifty sixty or seventy she might be not more than the
last not less than the first though her usual answer to any circuitous
inquiry as to her age was now what it had been for many years past »Im
feared I shall never see thirty again«
Then as to the house It was not one where the sittingrooms are refurnished
every two or three years not now even since Ruth came to share their living
a place where as an article grew shabby or worn a new one was purchased The
furniture looked poor and the carpets almost threadbare but there was such a
dainty spirit of cleanliness abroad such exquisite neatness of repair and
altogether so bright and cheerful a look about the rooms everything so
aboveboard no shifts to conceal poverty under flimsy ornament that many a
splendid drawingroom would give less pleasure to those who could see evidences
of character in inanimate things But whatever poverty there might be in the
house there was full luxuriance in the little square wallencircled garden on
two sides of which the parlour and kitchen looked The laburnumtree which when
Ruth came was like a twig stuck into the ground was now a golden glory in
spring and a pleasant shade in summer The wild hop that Mr Benson had
brought home from one of his country rambles and planted by the parlourwindow
while Leonard was yet a baby in his mothers arms was now a garland over the
casement hanging down long tendrils that waved in the breezes and threw
pleasant shadows and traceries like some old Bacchanalian carving on the
parlourwalls at morn or dusky eve The yellow rose had clambered up to the
window of Mr Bensons bedroom and its blossomladen branches were supported by
a jargonelle peartree rich in autumnal fruit
But perhaps in Ruth herself there was the greatest external change for of
the change which had gone on in her heart and mind and soul or if there had
been any neither she nor any one around her was conscious but sometimes Miss
Benson did say to Sally »How very handsome Ruth is grown« To which Sally made
ungracious answer »Yes shes well enough Beauty is deceitful and favour a
snare and Im thankful the Lord has spared me from such mantraps and
springguns« But even Sally could not help secretly admiring Ruth If her early
brilliancy of colouring was gone a clear ivory skin as smooth as satin told
of complete and perfect health and was as lovely if not so striking in effect
as the banished lilies and roses Her hair had grown darker and deeper in the
shadow that lingered in its masses her eyes even if you could have guessed
that they had shed bitter tears in their day had a thoughtful spiritual look
about them that made you wonder at their depth and look and look again The
increase of dignity in her face had been imparted to her form I do not know if
she had grown taller since the birth of her child but she looked as if she had
And although she had lived in a very humble home yet there was something about
either it or her or the people amongst whom she had been thrown during the last
few years which had so changed her that whereas six or seven years ago you
would have perceived that she was not altogether a lady by birth and education
yet now she might have been placed among the highest in the land and would have
been taken by the most critical judge for their equal although ignorant of
their conventional etiquette an ignorance which she would have acknowledged in
a simple childlike way being unconscious of any false shame
Her whole heart was in her boy She often feared that she loved him too much
more than God Himself yet she could not bear to pray to have her love for
her child lessened But she would kneel down by his little bed at night at the
deep still midnight with the stars that kept watch over Rizpah shining down
upon her and tell God what I have now told you that she feared she loved her
child too much yet could not would not love him less and speak to Him of her
one treasure as she could speak to no earthly friend And so unconsciously her
love for her child led her up to love to God to the Allknowing who read her
heart
It might be superstition I dare say it was but somehow she never lay
down to rest without saying as she looked her last on her boy »Thy will not
mine be done« and even while she trembled and shrank with infinite dread from
sounding the depths of what that will might be she felt as if her treasure were
more secure to waken up rosy and bright in the morning as one over whose
slumbers Gods holy angels had watched for the very words which she had turned
away in sick terror from realising the night before
Her daily absence at her duties to the Bradshaw children only ministered to
her love for Leonard Everything does minister to love when its foundation lies
deep in a true heart and it was with an exquisite pang of delight that after a
moment of vague fear
»Oh mercy to myself I said
If Lucy should be dead«
she saw her childs bright face of welcome as he threw open the door every
afternoon on her return home For it was his silentlyappointed work to listen
for her knock and rush breathless to let her in If he were in the garden or
upstairs among the treasures of the lumberroom either Miss Benson or her
brother or Sally would fetch him to his happy little task no one so sacred as
he to the allotted duty And the joyous meeting was not deadened by custom to
either mother or child
Ruth gave the Bradshaws the highest satisfaction as Mr Bradshaw often said
both to her and to the Bensons indeed she rather winced under his pompous
approbation But his favourite recreation was patronising and when Ruth saw how
quietly and meekly Mr Benson submitted to gifts and praise when an honest word
of affection or a tacit implied acknowledgment of equality would have been
worth everything said and done she tried to be more meek in spirit and to
recognise the good that undoubtedly existed in Mr Bradshaw He was richer and
more prosperous than ever a keen farseeing man of business with an
undisguised contempt for all who failed in the success which he had achieved
But it was not alone those who were less fortunate in obtaining wealth than
himself that he visited with severity of judgment every moral error or
delinquency came under his unsparing comment Stained by no vice himself either
in his own eyes or in that of any human being who cared to judge him having
nicely and wisely proportioned and adapted his means to his ends he could
afford to speak and act with a severity which was almost sanctimonious in its
ostentation of thankfulness as to himself Not a misfortune or a sin was brought
to light but Mr Bradshaw could trace to its cause in some former mode of
action which he had long ago foretold would lead to shame If anothers son
turned out wild or bad Mr Bradshaw had little sympathy it might have been
prevented by a stricter rule or more religious life at home young Richard
Bradshaw was quiet and steady and other fathers might have had sons like him if
they had taken the same pains to enforce obedience Richard was an only son and
yet Mr Bradshaw might venture to say he had never had his own way in his life
Mrs Bradshaw was he confessed Mr Bradshaw did not dislike confessing his
wifes errors rather less firm than he should have liked with the girls and
with some people he believed Jemima was rather headstrong but to his wishes
she had always shown herself obedient All children were obedient if their
parents were decided and authoritative and every one would turn out well if
properly managed If they did not prove good they might take the consequences
of their errors
Mrs Bradshaw murmured faintly at her husband when his back was turned but
if his voice was heard or his footsteps sounded in the distance she was mute
and hurried her children into the attitude or action most pleasing to their
father Jemima it is true rebelled against this manner of proceeding which
savoured to her a little of deceit but even she had not as yet overcome her
awe of her father sufficiently to act independently of him and according to her
own sense of right or rather I should say according to her own warm
passionate impulses Before him the wilfulness which made her dark eyes blaze
out at times was hushed and still he had no idea of her selftormenting no
notion of the almost southern jealousy which seemed to belong to her brunette
complexion Jemima was not pretty the flatness and shortness of her face made
her almost plain yet most people looked twice at her expressive countenance at
the eyes which flamed or melted at every trifle at the rich colour which came
at every expressed emotion into her usually sallow face at the faultless teeth
which made her smile like a sunbeam But then again when she thought she was
not kindly treated when a suspicion crossed her mind or when she was angry
with herself her lips were tightpressed together her colour was wan and
almost livid and a stormy gloom clouded her eyes as with a film But before her
father her words were few and he did not notice looks or tones
Her brother Richard had been equally silent before his father in boyhood and
early youth but since he had gone to be a clerk in a London house preparatory
to assuming his place as junior partner in Mr Bradshaws business he spoke
more on his occasional visits at home And very proper and highly moral was his
conversation set sentences of goodness which were like the flowers that
children stick in the ground and that have not sprung upwards from roots deep
down in the hidden life and experience of the heart He was as severe a judge as
his father of other peoples conduct but you felt that Mr Bradshaw was sincere
in his condemnation of all outward error and vice and that he would try himself
by the same laws as he tried others somehow Richards words were frequently
heard with a lurking distrust and many shook their heads over the pattern son
but then it was those whose sons had gone astray and been condemned in no
private or tender manner by Mr Bradshaw so it might be revenge in them
Still Jemima felt that all was not right her heart sympathised in the
rebellion against his fathers commands which her brother had confessed to her
in an unusual moment of confidence but her uneasy conscience condemned the
deceit which he had practised
The brother and sister were sitting alone over a blazing Christmas fire and
Jemima held an old newspaper in her hand to shield her face from the hot light
They were talking of family events when during a pause Jemimas eye caught
the name of a great actor who had lately given prominence and life to a
character in one of Shakspeares plays The criticism in the paper was fine and
warmed Jemimas heart
»How I should like to see a play« exclaimed she
»Should you« said her brother listlessly
»Yes to be sure Just hear this« and she began to read a fine passage of
criticism
»Those newspaper people can make an article out of anything« said he
yawning »Ive seen the man myself and it was all very well but nothing to
make such a fuss about«
»You you seen Have you seen a play Richard Oh why did you never tell
me before Tell me all about it Why did you never name seeing in your
letters«
He half smiled contemptuously enough »Oh at first it strikes one rather
but after a while one cares no more for the theatre than one does for
mincepies«
»Oh I wish I might go to London« said Jemima impatiently »Ive a great
mind to ask papa to let me go to the George Smiths and then I could see I
would not think him like mincepies«
»You must not do any such thing« said Richard now neither yawning nor
contemptuous »My father would never allow you to go to the theatre and the
George Smiths are such old fogeys they would be sure to tell«
»How do you go then Does my father give you leave«
»Oh many things are right for men which are not for girls«
Jemima sat and pondered Richard wished he had not been so confidential
»You need not name it« said he rather anxiously
»Name what« said she startled for her thoughts had gone far afield
»Oh name my going once or twice to the theatre«
»No I shant name it« said she »No one here would care to hear it«
But it was with some little surprise and almost with a feeling of disgust
that she heard Richard join with her father in condemning some one and add to
Mr Bradshaws list of offences by alleging that the young man was a playgoer
He did not think his sister heard his words
Mary and Elizabeth were the two girls whom Ruth had in charge they
resembled Jemima more than their brother in character The household rules were
occasionally a little relaxed in their favour for Mary the elder was nearly
eight years younger than Jemima and three intermediate children had died They
loved Ruth dearly made a great pet of Leonard and had many profound secrets
together most of which related to their wonders if Jemima and Mr Farquhar
would ever be married They watched their sister closely and every day had some
fresh confidence to make to each other confirming or discouraging to their
hopes
Ruth rose early and shared the household work with Sally and Miss Benson
till seven and then she helped Leonard to dress and had a quiet time alone
with him till prayers and breakfast At nine she was to be at Mr Bradshaws
house She sat in the room with Mary and Elizabeth during the Latin the
writing and arithmetic lessons which they received from masters then she
read and walked with them clinging to her as to an elder sister she dined
with her pupils at the family lunch and reached home by four That happy home
those quiet days
And so the peaceful days passed on into weeks and months and years and
Ruth and Leonard grew and strengthened into the riper beauty of their respective
ages while as yet no touch of decay had come on the quaint primitive elders of
the household
Chapter XX
Jemima Refuses to Be Managed
It was no wonder that the lookerson were perplexed as to the state of affairs
between Jemima and Mr Farquhar for they two were sorely puzzled themselves at
the sort of relationship between them Was it love or was it not that was the
question in Mr Farquhars mind He hoped it was not he believed it was not
and yet he felt as if it were There was something preposterous he thought in
a man nearly forty years of age being in love with a girl of twenty He had gone
on reasoning through all the days of his manhood on the idea of a staid
nobleminded wife grave and sedate the fit companion in experience of her
husband He had spoken with admiration of reticent characters full of
selfcontrol and dignity and he hoped he trusted that all this time he had
not been allowing himself unconsciously to fall in love with a wildhearted
impetuous girl who knew nothing of life beyond her fathers house and who
chafed under the strict discipline enforced there For it was rather a
suspicious symptom of the state of Mr Farquhars affections that he had
discovered the silent rebellion which continued in Jemimas heart unperceived
by any of her own family against the severe laws and opinions of her father
Mr Farquhar shared in these opinions but in him they were modified and took a
milder form Still he approved of much that Mr Bradshaw did and said and this
made it all the more strange that he should wince so for Jemima whenever
anything took place which he instinctively knew that she would dislike After an
evening at Mr Bradshaws when Jemima had gone to the very verge of questioning
or disputing some of her fathers severe judgments Mr Farquhar went home in a
dissatisfied restless state of mind which he was almost afraid to analyse He
admired the inflexible integrity and almost the pomp of principle evinced by
Mr Bradshaw on every occasion he wondered how it was that Jemima could not see
how grand a life might be whose every action was shaped in obedience to some
eternal law instead of which he was afraid she rebelled against every law and
was only guided by impulse Mr Farquhar had been taught to dread impulses as
promptings of the devil Sometimes if he tried to present her fathers opinion
before her in another form so as to bring himself and her rather more into that
state of agreement he longed for she flashed out upon him with the indignation
of difference that she dared not show to or before her father as if she had
some diviner instinct which taught her more truly than they knew with all their
experience at least in her first expressions there seemed something good and
fine but opposition made her angry and irritable and the arguments which he
was constantly provoking whenever he was with her in her fathers absence
frequently ended in some vehemence of expression on her part that offended Mr
Farquhar who did not see how she expiated her anger in tears and
selfreproaches when alone in her chamber Then he would lecture himself
severely on the interest he could not help feeling in a wilful girl he would
determine not to interfere with her opinions in future and yet the very next
time they differed he strove to argue her into harmony with himself in spite
of all resolutions to the contrary
Mr Bradshaw saw just enough of this interest which Jemima had excited in
his partners mind to determine him in considering their future marriage as a
settled affair The fitness of the thing had long ago struck him her fathers
partner so the fortune he meant to give her might continue in the business a
man of such steadiness of character and such a capital eye for a desirable
speculation as Mr Farquhar just the right age to unite the paternal with the
conjugal affection and consequently the very man for Jemima who had something
unruly in her which might break out under a régime less wisely adjusted to the
circumstances than was Mr Bradshaws in his own opinion a house ready
furnished at a convenient distance from her home no near relations on Mr
Farquhars side who might be inclined to consider his residence as their own
for an indefinite time and so add to the household expenses in short what
could be more suitable in every way Mr Bradshaw respected the very
selfrestraint he thought he saw in Mr Farquhars demeanour attributing it to
a wise desire to wait until trade should be rather more slack and the man of
business more at leisure to become the lover
As for Jemima at times she thought she almost hated Mr Farquhar
»What business has he« she would think »to lecture me Often I can hardly
bear it from papa and I will not bear it from him He treats me just like a
child and as if I should lose all my present opinions when I know more of the
world I am sure I should like never to know the world if it was to make me
think as he does hard man that he is I wonder what made him take Jem Brown on
as gardener again if he does not believe that above one criminal in a thousand
is restored to goodness Ill ask him some day if that was not acting on
impulse rather than principle Poor impulse how you do get abused But I will
tell Mr Farquhar I will not let him interfere with me If I do what papa bids
me no one has a right to notice whether I do it willingly or not«
So then she tried to defy Mr Farquhar by doing and saying things that she
knew he would disapprove She went so far that he was seriously grieved and did
not even remonstrate and lecture and then she was disappointed and irritated
for somehow with all her indignation at interference she liked to be lectured
by him not that she was aware of this liking of hers but still it would have
been more pleasant to be scolded than so quietly passed over Her two little
sisters with their wideawake eyes had long ago put things together and
conjectured Every day they had some fresh mystery together to be imparted in
garden walks and whispered talks
»Lizzie did you see how the tears came into Mimies eyes when Mr Farquhar
looked so displeased when she said good people were always dull I think shes
in love« Mary said the last words with grave emphasis and felt like an oracle
of twelve years of age
»I dont« said Lizzie »I know I cry often enough when papa is cross and
Im not in love with him«
»Yes but you dont look as Mimie did«
»Dont call her Mimie you know papa does not like it«
»Yes but there are so many things papa does not like I can never remember
them all Never mind about that but listen to something Ive got to tell you
if youll never never tell«
»No indeed I wont Mary What is it«
»Not to Mrs Denbigh«
»No not even to Mrs Denbigh«
»Well then the other day last Friday Mimie«
»Jemima« interrupted the more conscientious Elizabeth
»Jemima if it must be so« jerked out Mary »sent me to her desk for an
envelope and what do you think I saw«
»What« asked Elizabeth expecting nothing else than a redhot Valentine
signed Walter Farquhar pro Bradshaw Farquhar amp Co in full
»Why a piece of paper with dulllooking lines upon it just like the
scientific dialogues and I remember all about it It was once when Mr Farquhar
had been telling us that a bullet does not go in a straight line but in a
something curve and he drew some lines on a piece of paper and Mimie«
»Jemima« put in Elizabeth
»Well well She had treasured it up and written in a comer WF April
3rd Now thats rather like love is not it For Jemima hates useful
information just as much as I do and thats saying a great deal and yet she
had kept this paper and dated it«
»If thats all I know Dick keeps a paper with Miss Bensons name written on
it and yet hes not in love with her and perhaps Jemima may like Mr Farquhar
and he may not like her It seems such a little while since her hair was turned
up and he has always been a grave middleaged man ever since I can recollect
and then have you never noticed how often he finds fault with her almost
lectures her«
»To be sure« said Mary »but he may be in love for all that Just think
how often papa lectures mamma and yet of course theyre in love with each
other«
»Well we shall see« said Elizabeth
Poor Jemima little thought of the four sharp eyes that watched her daily
course while she sat alone as she fancied with her secret in her own room
For in a passionate fit of grieving at the impatient hasty temper which had
made her so seriously displease Mr Farquhar that he had gone away without
remonstrance without more leavetaking than a distant bow she had begun to
suspect that rather than not be noticed at all by him rather than be an object
of indifference to him oh far rather would she be an object of anger and
upbraiding and the thoughts that followed this confession to herself stunned
and bewildered her and for once that they made her dizzy with hope ten times
they made her sick with fear For an instant she planned to become and to be all
he could wish her to change her very nature for him And then a great gush of
pride came over her and she set her teeth tight together and determined that
he should either love her as she was or not at all Unless he could take her
with all her faults she would not care for his regard love was too noble a
word to call such cold calculating feeling as his must be who went about with
a pattern idea in his mind trying to find a wife to match Besides there was
something degrading Jemima thought in trying to alter herself to gain the love
of any human creature And yet if he did not care for her if this late
indifference were to last what a great shroud was drawn over life Could she
bear it
From the agony she dared not look at but which she was going to risk
encountering she was aroused by the presence of her mother
»Jemima your father wants to speak to you in the diningroom«
»What for« asked the girl
»Oh he is fidgeted by something Mr Farquhar said to me and which I
repeated I am sure I thought there was no harm in it and your father always
likes me to tell him what everybody says in his absence«
Jemima went with a heavy heart into her fathers presence
He was walking up and down the room and did not see her at first
»O Jemima is that you Has your mother told you what I want to speak to you
about«
»No« said Jemima »Not exactly«
»She has been telling me what proves to me how very seriously you must have
displeased and offended Mr Farquhar before he could have expressed himself to
her as he did when he left the house You know what he said«
»No« said Jemima her heart swelling within her »He has no right to say
anything about me« She was desperate or she durst not have said this before
her father
»No right what do you mean Jemima« said Mr Bradshaw turning sharp
round »Surely you must know that I hope he may one day be your husband that is
to say if you prove yourself worthy of the excellent training I have given you
I cannot suppose Mr Farquhar would take any undisciplined girl as a wife«
Jemima held tight by a chair near which she was standing She did not speak
her father was pleased by her silence it was the way in which he liked his
projects to be received
»But you cannot suppose« he continued »that Mr Farquhar will consent to
marry you«
»Consent to marry me« repeated Jemima in a low tone of brooding
indignation were those the terms upon which her rich womans heart was to be
given with a calm consent of acquiescent acceptance but a little above
resignation on the part of the receiver
»if you give way to a temper which although you have never dared to show
it to me I am well aware exists although I hoped the habits of
selfexamination I had instilled had done much to cure you of manifesting it At
one time Richard promised to be the more headstrong of the two now I must
desire you to take pattern by him Yes« he continued falling into his old
train of thought »it would be a most fortunate connection for you in every way
I should have you under my own eye and could still assist you in the formation
of your character and I should be at hand to strengthen and confirm your
principles Mr Farquhars connection with the firm would be convenient and
agreeable to me in a pecuniary point of view He« Mr Bradshaw was going on
in his enumeration of the advantages which he in particular and Jemima in the
second place would derive from this marriage when his daughter spoke at first
so low that he could not hear her as he walked up and down the room with his
creaking boots and he had to stop to listen
»Has Mr Farquhar ever spoken to you about it« Jemimas cheek was flushed
as she asked the question she wished that she might have been the person to
whom he had first addressed himself
Mr Bradshaw answered
»No not spoken It has been implied between us for some time At least I
have been so aware of his intentions that I have made several allusions in the
course of business to it as a thing that might take place He can hardly have
misunderstood he must have seen that I perceived his design and approved of
it« said Mr Bradshaw rather doubtfully as he remembered how very little in
fact passed between him and his partner which could have reference to the
subject to any but a mind prepared to receive it Perhaps Mr Farquhar had not
really thought of it but then again that would imply that his own penetration
had been mistaken a thing not impossible certainly but quite beyond the range
of probability So he reassured himself and as he thought his daughter by
saying
»The whole thing is so suitable the advantages arising from the connection
are so obvious besides which I am quite aware from many little speeches of
Mr Farquhars that he contemplates marriage at no very distant time and he
seldom leaves Eccleston and visits few families besides our own certainly
none that can compare with ours in the advantages you have all received in moral
and religious training« But then Mr Bradshaw was checked in his implied
praises of himself and only himself could be his martingale when he once set
out on such a career by a recollection that Jemima must not feel too secure as
she might become if he dwelt too much on the advantages of her being her
fathers daughter Accordingly he said »But you must be aware Jemima that
you do very little credit to the education I have given you when you make such
an impression as you must have done today before Mr Farquhar could have said
what he did of you«
»What did he say« asked Jemima still in the low husky tone of suppressed
anger
»Your mother says he remarked to her What a pity it is that Jemima cannot
maintain her opinions without going into a passion and what a pity it is that
her opinions are such as to sanction rather than curb these fits of rudeness
and anger«
»Did he say that« said Jemima in a still lower tone not questioning her
father but speaking rather to herself
»I have no doubt he did« replied her father gravely »Your mother is in the
habit of repeating accurately to me what takes place in my absence besides
which the whole speech is not one of hers she has not altered a word in the
repetition I am convinced I have trained her to habits of accuracy very
unusual in a woman«
At another time Jemima might have been inclined to rebel against this
system of carrying constant intelligence to headquarters which she had long ago
felt as an insurmountable obstacle to any free communication with her mother
but now her fathers means of acquiring knowledge faded into insignificance
before the nature of the information he imparted She stood quite still
grasping the chairback longing to be dismissed
»I have said enough now I hope to make you behave in a becoming manner to
Mr Farquhar if your temper is too unruly to be always under your own control
at least have respect to my injunctions and take some pains to curb it before
him«
»May I go« asked Jemima chafing more and more
»You may« said her father When she left the room he gently rubbed his
hands together satisfied with the effect he had produced and wondering how it
was that one so well brought up as his daughter could ever say or do anything to
provoke such a remark from Mr Farquhar as that which he had heard repeated
»Nothing can be more gentle and docile than she is when spoken to in the
proper manner I must give Farquhar a hint« said Mr Bradshaw to himself
Jemima rushed upstairs and locked herself into her room She began pacing up
and down at first without shedding a tear but then she suddenly stopped and
burst out crying with passionate indignation
»So I am to behave well not because it is right not because it is right
but to show off before Mr Farquhar Oh Mr Farquhar« said she suddenly
changing to a sort of upbraiding tone of voice »I did not think so of you an
hour ago I did not think you could choose a wife in that coldhearted way
though you did profess to act by rule and line but you think to have me do
you because it is fitting and suitable and you want to be married and cant
spare time for wooing« she was lashing herself up by an exaggeration of all her
father had said »And how often I have thought you were too grand for me but
now I know better Now I can believe that all you do is done from calculation
you are good because it adds to your business credit you talk in that high
strain about principle because it sounds well and is respectable and even
these things are better than your cold way of looking out for a wife just as
you would do for a carpet to add to your comforts and settle you respectably
But I wont be that wife You shall see something of me which shall make you not
acquiesce so quietly in the arrangements of the firm« She cried too vehemently
to go on thinking or speaking Then she stopped and said
»Only an hour ago I was hoping I dont know what I was hoping but I
thought oh how I was deceived I thought he had a true deep loving manly
heart which God might let me win but now I know he has only a calm
calculating head«
If Jemima had been vehement and passionate before this conversation with her
father it was better than the sullen reserve she assumed now whenever Mr
Farquhar came to the house He felt it deeply no reasoning with himself took
off the pain he experienced He tried to speak on the subjects she liked in the
manner she liked until he despised himself for the unsuccessful efforts
He stood between her and her father once or twice in obvious inconsistency
with his own previously expressed opinions and Mr Bradshaw piqued himself upon
his admirable management in making Jemima feel that she owed his indulgence or
forbearance to Mr Farquhars interference but Jemima perverse miserable
Jemima thought that she hated Mr Farquhar all the more She respected her
father inflexible much more than her father pompously giving up to Mr
Farquhars subdued remonstrances on her behalf Even Mr Bradshaw was perplexed
and shut himself up to consider how Jemima was to be made more fully to
understand his wishes and her own interests But there was nothing to take hold
of as a ground for any further conversation with her Her actions were so
submissive that they were spiritless she did all her father desired she did it
with a nervous quickness and haste if she thought that otherwise Mr Farquhar
would interfere in any way She wished evidently to owe nothing to him She had
begun by leaving the room when he came in after the conversation she had had
with her father but at Mr Bradshaws first expression of his wish that she
should remain she remained silent indifferent inattentive to all that was
going on at least there was this appearance of inattention She would work away
at her sewing as if she were to earn her livelihood by it the light was gone
out of her eyes as she lifted them up heavily before replying to any question
and the eyelids were often swollen with crying
But in all this there was no positive fault Mr Bradshaw could not have
told her not to do this or to do that without her doing it for she had become
much more docile of late
It was a wonderful proof of the influence Ruth had gained in the family
that Mr Bradshaw after much deliberation congratulated himself on the wise
determination he had made of requesting her to speak to Jemima and find out
what feeling was at the bottom of all this change in her ways of going on
He rang the bell
»Is Mrs Denbigh here« he inquired of the servant who answered it
»Yes sir she has just come«
»Beg her to come to me in this room as soon as she can leave the young
ladies«
Ruth came
»Sit down Mrs Denbigh sit down I want to have a little conversation with
you not about your pupils they are going on well under your care I am sure
and I often congratulate myself on the choice I made I assure you I do But
now I want to speak to you about Jemima She is very fond of you and perhaps
you could take an opportunity of observing to her in short of saying to her
that she is behaving very foolishly in fact disgusting Mr Farquhar who was
I know inclined to like her by the sullen sulky way she behaves in when he
is by«
He paused for the ready acquiescence he expected But Ruth did not quite
comprehend what was required of her and disliked the glimpse she had gained of
the task very much
»I hardly understand sir You are displeased with Miss Bradshaws manners
to Mr Farquhar«
»Well well not quite that I am displeased with her manners they are
sulky and abrupt particularly when he is by and I want you of whom she is so
fond to speak to her about it«
»But I have never had the opportunity of noticing them Whenever I have seen
her she has been most gentle and affectionate«
»But I think you do not hesitate to believe me when I say that I have
noticed the reverse« said Mr Bradshaw drawing himself up
»No sir I beg your pardon if I have expressed myself so badly as to seem
to doubt But am I to tell Miss Bradshaw that you have spoken of her faults to
me« asked Ruth a little astonished and shrinking more than ever from the
proposed task
»If you would allow me to finish what I have got to say without
interruption I could then tell you what I do wish«
»I beg your pardon sir« said Ruth gently
»I wish you to join our circle occasionally in an evening Mrs Bradshaw
shall send you an invitation when Mr Farquhar is likely to be here Warned by
me and consequently with your observation quickened you can hardly fail to
notice instances of what I have pointed out and then I will trust to your own
good sense« Mr Bradshaw bowed to her at this part of his sentence »to find an
opportunity to remonstrate with her«
Ruth was beginning to speak but he waved his hand for another minute of
silence
»Only a minute Mrs Denbigh I am quite aware that in requesting your
presence occasionally in the evening I shall be trespassing upon the time which
is in fact your money you may be assured that I shall not forget this little
circumstance and you can explain what I have said on this head to Benson and
his sister«
»I am afraid I cannot do it« Ruth began but while she was choosing words
delicate enough to express her reluctance to act as he wished he had almost
bowed her out of the room and thinking that she was modest in her estimate of
her qualifications for remonstrating with his daughter he added blandly
»No one so able Mrs Denbigh I have observed many qualities in you
observed when perhaps you have little thought it«
If he had observed Ruth that morning he would have seen an absence of mind
and depression of spirits not much to her credit as a teacher for she could not
bring herself to feel that she had any right to go into the family purposely to
watch over and find fault with any one member of it If she had seen anything
wrong in Jemima Ruth loved her so much that she would have told her of it in
private and with many doubts how far she was the one to pull out the mote from
any ones eye even in the most tender manner she would have had to conquer
reluctance before she could have done even this but there was something
indefinably repugnant to her in the manner of acting which Mr Bradshaw had
proposed and she determined not to accept the invitations which were to place
her in so false a position
But as she was leaving the house after the end of the lessons while she
stood in the hall tying on her bonnet and listening to the last small
confidences of her two pupils she saw Jemima coming in through the gardendoor
and was struck by the change in her looks The large eyes so brilliant once
were dim and clouded the complexion sallow and colourless a lowering
expression was on the dark brow and the corners of her mouth drooped as with
sorrowful thoughts She looked up and her eyes met Ruths
»Oh you beautiful creature« thought Jemima »with your still calm
heavenly face what are you to know of earths trials You have lost your
beloved by death but that is a blessed sorrow the sorrow I have pulls me down
and down and makes me despise and hate every one not you though« And her
face changing to a soft tender look she went up to Ruth and kissed her fondly
as if it were a relief to be near some one on whose true pure heart she relied
Ruth returned the caress and even while she did so she suddenly rescinded her
resolution to keep clear of what Mr Bradshaw had desired her to do On her way
home she resolved if she could to find out what were Jemimas secret feelings
and if as from some previous knowledge she suspected they were morbid and
exaggerated in any way to try and help her right with all the wisdom which true
love gives It was time that some one should come to still the storm in Jemimas
turbulent heart which was daily and hourly knowing less and less of peace The
irritating difficulty was to separate the two characters which at two different
times she had attributed to Mr Farquhar the old one which she had formerly
believed to be true that he was a man acting up to a high standard of lofty
principle and acting up without a struggle and this last had been the
circumstance which had made her rebellious and irritable once the new one
which her father had excited in her suspicious mind that Mr Farquhar was cold
and calculating in all he did and that she was to be transferred by the former
and accepted by the latter as a sort of stockintrade these were the two Mr
Farquhars who clashed together in her mind And in this state of irritation and
prejudice she could not bear the way in which he gave up his opinions to please
her that was not the way to win her she liked him far better when he
inflexibly and rigidly adhered to his idea of right and wrong not even allowing
any force to temptation and hardly any grace to repentance compared with that
beauty of holiness which had never yielded to sin He had been her idol in those
days as she found out now however much at the time she had opposed him with
violence
As for Mr Farquhar he was almost weary of himself no reasoning even no
principle seemed to have influence over him for he saw that Jemima was not at
all what he approved of in woman He saw her uncurbed and passionate affecting
to despise the rules of life he held most sacred and indifferent to if not
positively disliking him and yet he loved her dearly But he resolved to make
a great effort of will and break loose from these trammels of sense And while
he resolved some old recollection would bring her up hanging on his arm in
all the confidence of early girlhood looking up in his face with her soft dark
eyes and questioning him upon the mysterious subjects which had so much
interest for both of them at that time although they had become only matter for
dissension in these later days
It was also true as Mr Bradshaw had said Mr Farquhar wished to marry
and had not much choice in the small town of Eccleston He never put this so
plainly before himself as a reason for choosing Jemima as her father had done
to her but it was an unconscious motive all the same However now he had
lectured himself into the resolution to make a pretty long absence from
Eccleston and see if amongst his distant friends there was no woman more in
accordance with his ideal who could put the naughty wilful plaguing Jemima
Bradshaw out of his head if he did not soon perceive some change in her for the
better
A few days after Ruths conversation with Mr Bradshaw the invitation she
had been expecting yet dreading came It was to her alone Mr and Miss Benson
were pleased at the compliment to her and urged her acceptance of it She
wished that they had been included she had not thought it right or kind to
Jemima to tell them why she was going and she feared now lest they should feel
a little hurt that they were not asked too But she need not have been afraid
They were glad and proud of the attention to her and never thought of
themselves
»Ruthie what gown shall you wear tonight Your darkgrey one I suppose«
asked Miss Benson
»Yes I suppose so I never thought of it but that is my best«
»Well then I shall quill up a ruff for you You know I am a famous quiller
of net«
Ruth came downstairs with a little flush on her cheeks when she was ready to
go She held her bonnet and shawl in her hand for she knew Miss Benson and
Sally would want to see her dressed
»Is not mamma pretty« asked Leonard with a childs pride
»She looks very nice and tidy« said Miss Benson who had an idea that
children should not talk or think about beauty
»I think my ruff looks so nice« said Ruth with gentle pleasure And
indeed it did look nice and set off the pretty round throat most becomingly
Her hair now grown long and thick was smoothed as close to her head as its
waving nature would allow and plaited up in a great rich knot low down behind
The grey gown was as plain as plain could be
»You should have light gloves Ruth« said Miss Benson She went upstairs
and brought down a delicate pair of Limerick ones which had been long treasured
up in a walnutshell
»They say them gloves is made of chickensskins« said Sally examining
them curiously »I wonder how they set about skinning em«
»Here Ruth« said Mr Benson coming in from the garden »heres a rose or
two for you I am sorry there are no more I hoped I should have had my yellow
rose out by this time but the damask and the white are in a warmer comer and
have got the start«
Miss Benson and Leonard stood at the door and watched her down the little
passagestreet till she was out of sight
She had hardly touched the bell at Mr Bradshaws door when Mary and
Elizabeth opened it with boisterous glee
»We saw you coming weve been watching for you we want you to come round
the garden before tea papa is not come in yet Do come«
She went round the garden with a little girl clinging to each arm It was
full of sunshine and flowers and this made the contrast between it and the
usual large family room which fronted the northeast and therefore had no
evening sun to light up its cold drab furniture more striking than usual It
looked very gloomy There was the great diningtable heavy and square the
range of chairs straight and square the workboxes useful and square the
colouring of walls and carpets and curtains all of the coldest description
everything was handsome and everything was ugly Mrs Bradshaw was asleep in
her easychair when they came in Jemima had just put down her work and lost
in thought she leaned her cheek on her hand When she saw Ruth she brightened a
little and went to her and kissed her Mrs Bradshaw jumped up at the sound of
their entrance and was wide awake in a moment
»Oh I thought your father was here« said she evidently relieved to find
that he had not come in and caught her sleeping
»Thank you Mrs Denbigh for coming to us tonight« said she in the quiet
tone in which she generally spoke in her husbands absence When he was there a
sort of constant terror of displeasing him made her voice sharp and nervous the
children knew that many a thing passed over by their mother when their father
was away was sure to be noticed by her when he was present and noticed too in
a cross and querulous manner for she was so much afraid of the blame which on
any occasion of their misbehaviour fell upon her And yet she looked up to her
husband with a reverence and regard and a faithfulness of love which his
decision of character was likely to produce on a weak and anxious mind He was a
rest and a support to her on whom she cast all her responsibilities she was an
obedient unremonstrating wife to him no stronger affection had ever brought
her duty into conflict with any desire of her heart She loved her children
dearly though they all perplexed her very frequently Her son was her especial
darling because he very seldom brought her into any scrapes with his father he
was so cautious and prudent and had the art of keeping a calm sough about any
difficulty he might be in With all her dutiful sense of the obligation which
her husband enforced upon her to notice and tell him everything that was going
wrong in the household and especially among his children Mrs Bradshaw
somehow contrived to be honestly blind to a good deal that was not praiseworthy
in Master Richard
Mr Bradshaw came in before long bringing with him Mr Farquhar Jemima had
been talking to Ruth with some interest before then but on seeing Mr
Farquhar she bent her head down over her work went a little paler and turned
obstinately silent Mr Bradshaw longed to command her to speak but even he had
a suspicion that what she might say when so commanded might be rather worse in
its effect than her gloomy silence so he held his peace and a discontented
angry kind of peace it was Mrs Bradshaw saw that something was wrong but
could not tell what only she became every moment more trembling and nervous
and irritable and sent Mary and Elizabeth off on all sorts of contradictory
errands to the servants and made the tea twice as strong and sweetened it
twice as much as usual in hopes of pacifying her husband with good things
Mr Farquhar had gone for the last time or so he thought He had resolved
for the fifth time that he would go and watch Jemima once more and if her
temper got the better of her and she showed the old sullenness again and gave
the old proofs of indifference to his good opinion he would give her up
altogether and seek a wife elsewhere He sat watching her with folded arms and
in silence Altogether they were a pleasant family party
Jemima wanted to wind a skein of wool Mr Farquhar saw it and came to her
anxious to do her this little service She turned away pettishly and asked Ruth
to hold it for her
Ruth was hurt for Mr Farquhar and looked sorrowfully at Jemima but Jemima
would not see her glance of upbraiding as Ruth hoping that she would relent
delayed a little to comply with her request Mr Farquhar did and went back to
his seat to watch them both He saw Jemima turbulent and stormy in look he saw
Ruth to all appearance heavenly calm as the angels or with only that little
tinge of sorrow which her friends behaviour had called forth He saw the
unusual beauty of her face and form which he had never noticed before and he
saw Jemima with all the brilliancy she once possessed in eyes and complexion
dimmed and faded He watched Ruth speaking low and soft to the little girls
who seemed to come to her in every difficulty and he remarked her gentle
firmness when their bedtime came and they pleaded to stay up longer their
father was absent in his countinghouse or they would not have dared to do so
He liked Ruths soft distinct unwavering »No you must go You must keep to
what is right« far better than the goodnatured yielding to entreaty he had
formerly admired in Jemima He was wandering off into this comparison while
Ruth with delicate and unconscious tact was trying to lead Jemima into some
subject which should take her away from the thoughts whatever they were that
made her so ungracious and rude
Jemima was ashamed of herself before Ruth in a way which she had never been
before any one else She valued Ruths good opinion so highly that she dreaded
lest her friend should perceive her faults She put a check upon herself a
check at first but after a little time she had forgotten something of her
trouble and listened to Ruth and questioned her about Leonard and smiled at
his little witticisms and only the sighs that would come up from the very
force of habit brought back the consciousness of her unhappiness Before the
end of the evening Jemima had allowed herself to speak to Mr Farquhar in the
old way questioning differing disputing She was recalled to the remembrance
of that miserable conversation by the entrance of her father After that she was
silent But he had seen her face more animated and bright with a smile as she
spoke to Mr Farquhar and although he regretted the loss of her complexion for
she was still very pale he was highly pleased with the success of his project
He never doubted but that Ruth had given her some sort of private exhortation to
behave better He could not have understood the pretty art with which by simply
banishing unpleasant subjects and throwing a wholesome natural sunlit tone over
others Ruth had insensibly drawn Jemima out of her gloom He resolved to buy
Mrs Denbigh a handsome silk gown the very next day He did not believe she had
a silk gown poor creature He had noticed that darkgrey stuff this long long
time as her Sunday dress He liked the colour the silk one should be just the
same tinge Then he thought that it would perhaps be better to choose a
lighter shade one which might be noticed as different to the old gown For he
had no doubt she would like to have it remarked and perhaps would not object
to tell people that it was a present from Mr Bradshaw a token of his
approbation He smiled a little to himself as he thought of this additional
source of pleasure to Ruth She in the meantime was getting up to go home
While Jemima was lighting the bedcandle at the lamp Ruth came round to bid
goodnight Mr Bradshaw could not allow her to remain till the morrow uncertain
whether he was satisfied or not
»Goodnight Mrs Denbigh« said he »Goodnight Thank you I am obliged to
you I am exceedingly obliged to you«
He laid emphasis on these words for he was pleased to see Mr Farquhar step
forward to help Jemima in her little office
Mr Farquhar offered to accompany Ruth home but the streets that intervened
between Mr Bradshaws and the Chapelhouse were so quiet that he desisted when
he learnt from Ruths manner how much she disliked his proposal Mr Bradshaw
too instantly observed
»Oh Mrs Denbigh need not trouble you Farquhar I have servants at liberty
at any moment to attend on her if she wishes it«
In fact he wanted to make hay while the sun shone and to detain Mr
Farquhar a little longer now that Jemima was so gracious She went upstairs
with Ruth to help her to put on her things
»Dear Jemima« said Ruth »I am so glad to see you looking better tonight
You quite frightened me this morning you looked so ill«
»Did I« replied Jemima »O Ruth I have been so unhappy lately I want you
to come and put me to rights« she continued half smiling »You know Im a sort
of outpupil of yours though we are so nearly of an age You ought to lecture
me and make me good«
»Should I dear« said Ruth »I dont think Im the one to do it«
»Oh yes you are youve done me good tonight«
»Well if I can do anything for you tell me what it is« asked Ruth
tenderly
»Oh not now not now« replied Jemima »I could not tell you here Its a
long story and I dont know that I can tell you at all Mamma might come up at
any moment and papa would be sure to ask what we had been talking about so
long«
»Take your own time love« said Ruth »only remember as far as I can how
glad I am to help you«
»Youre too good my darling« said Jemima fondly
»Dont say so« replied Ruth earnestly almost as if she were afraid »God
knows I am not«
»Well were none of us too good« answered Jemima »I know that But you
are very good Nay I wont call you so if it makes you look so miserable But
come away downstairs«
With the fragrance of Ruths sweetness lingering about her Jemima was her
best self during the next halfhour Mr Bradshaw was more and more pleased and
raised the price of the silk which he was going to give Ruth sixpence a yard
during the time Mr Farquhar went home through the gardenway happier than he
had been this long time He even caught himself humming the old refrain
»On revient on revient toujours
A ses premiers amours«
But as soon as he was aware of what he was doing he cleared away the remnants
of the song into a cough which was sonorous if not perfectly real
Chapter XXI
Mr Farquhars Attentions Transferred
The next morning as Jemima and her mother sat at their work it came into the
head of the former to remember her fathers very marked way of thanking Ruth the
evening before
»What a favourite Mrs Denbigh is with papa« said she »I am sure I dont
wonder at it Did you notice mamma how he thanked her for coming here last
night«
»Yes dear but I dont think it was all« Mrs Bradshaw stopped short
She was never certain if it was right or wrong to say anything
»Not all what« asked Jemima when she saw her mother was not going to
finish the sentence
»Not all because Mrs Denbigh came to tea here« replied Mrs Bradshaw
»Why what else could he be thanking her for What has she done« asked
Jemima stimulated to curiosity by her mothers hesitating manner
»I dont know if I ought to tell you« said Mrs Bradshaw
»Oh very well« said Jemima rather annoyed
»Nay dear your papa never said I was not to tell perhaps I may«
»Never mind I dont want to hear« in a piqued tone
There was silence for a little while Jemima was trying to think of
something else but her thoughts would revert to the wonder what Mrs Denbigh
could have done for her father
»I think I may tell you though« said Mrs Bradshaw half questioning
Jemima had the honour not to urge any confidence but she was too curious to
take any active step towards repressing it
Mrs Bradshaw went on »I think you deserve to know It is partly your
doing that papa is so pleased with Mrs Denbigh He is going to buy her a silk
gown this morning and I think you ought to know why«
»Why« asked Jemima
»Because papa is so pleased to find that you mind what she says«
»I mind what she says To be sure I do and always did But why should papa
give her a gown for that I think he ought to give it me rather« said Jemima
half laughing
»I am sure he would dear he will give you one I am certain if you want
one He was so pleased to see you like your old self to Mr Farquhar last night
We neither of us could think what had come over you this last month but now all
seems right«
A dark cloud came over Jemimas face She did not like this close
observation and constant comment upon her manners and what had Ruth to do with
it
»I am glad you were pleased« said she very coldly Then after a pause
she added »But you have not told me what Mrs Denbigh had to do with my good
behaviour«
»Did not she speak to you about it« asked Mrs Bradshaw looking up
»No Why should she She has no right to criticise what I do She would not
be so impertinent« said Jemima feeling very uncomfortable and suspicious
»Yes love she would have had a right for papa had desired her to do it«
»Papa desired her What do you mean mamma«
»Oh dear I dare say I should not have told you« said Mrs Bradshaw
perceiving from Jemimas tone of voice that something had gone wrong »Only
you spoke as if it would be impertinent in Mrs Denbigh and I am sure she would
not do anything that was impertinent You know it would be but right for her to
do what papa told her and he said a great deal to her the other day about
finding out why you were so cross and bringing you right And you are right
now dear« said Mrs Bradshaw soothingly thinking that Jemima was annoyed
like a good child at the recollection of how naughty she had been
»Then papa is going to give Mrs Denbigh a gown because I was civil to Mr
Farquhar last night«
»Yes dear« said Mrs Bradshaw more and more frightened at Jemimas angry
manner of speaking lowtoned but very indignant
Jemima remembered with smouldered anger Ruths pleading way of wiling her
from her sullenness the night before Management everywhere but in this case it
was peculiarly revolting so much so that she could hardly bear to believe that
the seemingly transparent Ruth had lent herself to it
»Are you sure mamma that papa asked Mrs Denbigh to make me behave
differently It seems so strange«
»I am quite sure He spoke to her last Friday morning in the study I
remember it was Friday because Mrs Dean was working here«
Jemima remembered now that she had gone into the schoolroom on the Friday
and found her sisters lounging about and wondering what papa could possibly
want with Mrs Denbigh
After this conversation Jemima repulsed all Ruths timid efforts to
ascertain the cause of her disturbance and to help her if she could Ruths
tender sympathising manner as she saw Jemima daily looking more wretched was
distasteful to the latter in the highest degree She could not say that Mrs
Denbighs conduct was positively wrong it might even be quite right but it
was inexpressibly repugnant to her to think of her father consulting with a
stranger a week ago she almost considered Ruth as a sister how to manage his
daughter so as to obtain the end he wished for yes even if that end was for
her own good
She was thankful and glad to see a brown paper parcel lying on the
halltable with a note in Ruths handwriting addressed to her father She knew
what it was the grey silk dress That she was sure Ruth would never accept
No one henceforward could induce Jemima to enter into conversation with Mr
Farquhar She suspected manoeuvring in the simplest actions and was miserable
in this constant state of suspicion She would not allow herself to like Mr
Farquhar even when he said things the most after her own heart She heard him
one evening talking with her father about the principles of trade Her father
stood out for the keenest sharpest work consistent with honesty if he had not
been her father she would perhaps have thought some of his sayings
inconsistent with true Christian honesty He was for driving hard bargains
exacting interest and payment of just bills to a day That was he said the
only way in which trade could be conducted Once allow a margin of uncertainty
or where feelings instead of maxims were to be the guide and all hope of
there ever being any good men of business was ended
»Suppose a delay of a month in requiring payment might save a mans credit
prevent his becoming a bankrupt« put in Mr Farquhar
»I would not give it him I would let him have money to set up again as soon
as he had passed the Bankruptcy Court if he never passed I might in some
cases make him an allowance but I would always keep my justice and my charity
separate«
»And yet charity in your sense of the word degrades justice tempered
with mercy and consideration elevates«
»That is not justice justice is certain and inflexible No Mr Farquhar
you must not allow any Quixotic notions to mingle with your conduct as a
tradesman«
And so they went on Jemimas face glowing with sympathy in all Mr Farquhar
said till once on looking up suddenly with sparkling eyes she saw a glance of
her fathers which told her as plain as words can say that he was watching
the effect of Mr Farquhars speeches upon his daughter She was chilled
thenceforward she thought her father prolonged the argument in order to call
out those sentiments which he knew would most recommend his partner to his
daughter She would so fain have let herself love Mr Farquhar but this
constant manoeuvring in which she did not feel clear that he did not take a
passive part made her sick at heart She even wished that they might not go
through the form of pretending to try to gain her consent to the marriage if it
involved all this premeditated action and speechmaking such moving about of
every one into their right places like pieces at chess She felt as if she
would rather be bought openly like an Oriental daughter where no one is
degraded in their own eyes by being parties to such a contract The consequences
of all this admirable management of Mr Bradshaws would have been very
unfortunate to Mr Farquhar who was innocent of all connivance in any of the
plots indeed would have been as much annoyed at them as Jemima had he been
aware of them but that the impression made upon him by Ruth on the evening I
have so lately described was deepened by the contrast which her behaviour made
to Miss Bradshaws on one or two more recent occasions
There was no use he thought in continuing attentions so evidently
distasteful to Jemima To her a young girl hardly out of the schoolroom he
probably appeared like an old man and he might even lose the friendship with
which she used to regard him and which was and ever would be very dear to
him if he persevered in trying to be considered as a lover He should always
feel affectionately towards her her very faults gave her an interest in his
eyes for which he had blamed himself most conscientiously and most uselessly
when he was looking upon her as his future wife but which the said conscience
would learn to approve of when she sank down to the place of a young friend
over whom he might exercise a good and salutary interest Mrs Denbigh if not
many months older in years had known sorrow and cares so early that she was
much older in character Besides her shy reserve and her quiet daily walk
within the lines of duty were much in accordance with Mr Farquhars notion of
what a wife should be Still it was a wrench to take his affections away from
Jemima If she had not helped him to do so by every means in her power he could
never have accomplished it
Yes by every means in her power had Jemima alienated her lover her beloved
for so he was in fact And now her quicksighted eyes saw he was gone for ever
past recall for did not her jealous sore heart feel even before he himself
was conscious of the fact that he was drawn towards sweet lovely composed
and dignified Ruth one who always thought before she spoke as Mr Farquhar
used to bid Jemima do who never was tempted by sudden impulse but walked the
world calm and selfgoverned What now availed Jemimas reproaches as she
remembered the days when he had watched her with earnest attentive eyes as he
now watched Ruth and the times since when led astray by her morbid fancy she
had turned away from all his advances
»It was only in March last March he called me dear Jemima Ah dont I
remember it well The pretty nosegay of greenhouse flowers that he gave me in
exchange for the wild daffodils and how he seemed to care for the flowers I
gave him and how he looked at me and thanked me that is all gone and over
now«
Her sisters came in bright and glowing
»O Jemima how nice and cool you are sitting in this shady room« she had
felt it even chilly »We have been such a long walk We are so tired It is so
hot«
»Why did you go then« said she
»Oh we wanted to go We would not have stayed at home on any account It
has been so pleasant« said Mary
»Weve been to Scaurside Wood to gather wild strawberries« said Elizabeth
»Such a quantity Weve left a whole basketful in the dairy Mr Farquhar says
hell teach us how to dress them in the way he learnt in Germany if we can get
him some hock Do you think papa will let us have some«
»Was Mr Farquhar with you« asked Jemima a dull light coming into her
eyes
»Yes we told him this morning that mamma wanted us to take some old linen
to the lame man at Scaurside Farm and that we meant to coax Mrs Denbigh to let
us go into the wood and gather strawberries« said Elizabeth
»I thought he would make some excuse and come« said the quickwitted Mary
as eager and thoughtless an observer of one loveaffair as of another and quite
forgetting that not many weeks ago she had fancied an attachment between him
and Jemima
»Did you I did not« replied Elizabeth »At least I never thought about it
I was quite startled when I heard his horses feet behind us on the road«
»He said he was going to the farm and could take our basket Was it not
kind of him« Jemima did not answer so Mary continued
»You know its a great pull up to the farm and we were so hot already The
road was quite white and baked it hurt my eyes terribly I was so glad when
Mrs Denbigh said we might turn into the wood The light was quite green there
the branches are so thick overhead«
»And there are whole beds of wild strawberries« said Elizabeth taking up
the tale now Mary was out of breath Mary fanned herself with her bonnet while
Elizabeth went on
»You know where the grey rock crops out dont you Jemima Well there was
a complete carpet of strawberryrunners So pretty And we could hardly step
without treading the little bright scarlet berries under foot«
»We did so wish for Leonard« put in Mary
»Yes but Mrs Denbigh gathered a great many for him And Mr Farquhar gave
her all his«
»I thought you said he had gone on to Dawsons farm« said Jemima
»Oh yes he just went up there and then he left his horse there like a
wise man and came to us in the pretty cool green wood O Jemima it was so
pretty little flecks of light coming down here and there through the leaves
and quivering on the ground You must go with us tomorrow«
»Yes« said Mary »were going again tomorrow We could not gather nearly
all the strawberries«
»And Leonard is to go too tomorrow«
»Yes we thought of such a capital plan Thats to say Mr Farquhar thought
of it we wanted to carry Leonard up the hill in a kings cushion but Mrs
Denbigh would not hear of it«
»She said it would tire us so and yet she wanted him to gather
strawberries«
»And so« interrupted Mary for by this time the two girls were almost
speaking together »Mr Farquhar is to bring him up before him on his horse«
»Youll go with us wont you dear Jemima« asked Elizabeth »it will be
at«
»No I cant go« said Jemima abruptly »Dont ask me I cant«
The little girls were hushed into silence by her manner for whatever she
might be to those above her in age and position to those below her Jemima was
almost invariably gentle She felt that they were wondering at her
»Go upstairs and take off your things You know papa does not like you to
come into this room in the shoes in which you have been out«
She was glad to cut her sisters short in the details which they were so
mercilessly inflicting details which she must harden herself to before she
could hear them quietly and unmoved She saw that she had lost her place as the
first object in Mr Farquhars eyes a position she had hardly cared for while
she was secure in the enjoyment of it but the charm of it now was redoubled in
her acute sense of how she had forfeited it by her own doing and her own fault
For if he were the cold calculating man her father had believed him to be and
had represented him as being to her would he care for a portionless widow in
humble circumstances like Mrs Denbigh no money no connection encumbered
with her boy The very action which proved Mr Farquhar to be lost to Jemima
reinstated him on his throne in her fancy And she must go on in hushed
quietness quivering with every fresh token of his preference for another That
other too one so infinitely more worthy of him than herself so that she could
not have even the poor comfort of thinking that he had no discrimination and
was throwing himself away on a common or worthless person Ruth was beautiful
gentle good and conscientious The hot colour flushed up into Jemimas sallow
face as she became aware that even while she acknowledged these excellences on
Mrs Denbighs part she hated her The recollection of her marble face wearied
her even to sickness the tones of her low voice were irritating from their very
softness Her goodness undoubted as it was was more distasteful than many
faults which had more savour of human struggle in them
»What was this terrible demon in her heart« asked Jemimas better angel
»Was she indeed given up to possession Was not this the old stinging hatred
which had prompted so many crimes The hatred of all sweet virtues which might
win the love denied to us The old anger that wrought in the elder brothers
heart till it ended in the murder of the gentle Abel while yet the world was
young«
»O God help me I did not know I was so wicked« cried Jemima aloud in her
agony It had been a terrible glimpse into the dark lurid gulf the capability
for evil in her heart She wrestled with the demon but he would not depart it
was to be a struggle whether or not she was to be given up to him in this her
time of sore temptation
All the next day long she sat and pictured the happy strawberrygathering
going on even then in pleasant Scaurside Wood Every touch of fancy which
could heighten her idea of their enjoyment and of Mr Farquhars attention to
the blushing conscious Ruth every such touch which would add a pang to her
selfreproach and keen jealousy was added by her imagination She got up and
walked about to try and stop her overbusy fancy by bodily exercise But she had
eaten little all day and was weak and faint in the intense heat of the sunny
garden Even the long grasswalk under the filberthedge was parched and dry in
the glowing August sun Yet her sisters found her there when they returned
walking quickly up and down as if to warm herself on some winters day They
were very weary and not half so communicative as on the day before now that
Jemima was craving for every detail to add to her agony
»Yes Leonard came up before Mr Farquhar Oh how hot it is Jemima Do sit
down and Ill tell you about it but I cant if you keep walking so«
»I cant sit still today« said Jemima springing up from the turf as soon
as she had sat down »Tell me I can hear you while I walk about«
»Oh but I cant shout I can hardly speak I am so tired Mr Farquhar
brought Leonard«
»Youve told me that before« said Jemima sharply
»Well I dont know what else to tell Somebody had been since yesterday
and gathered nearly all the strawberries off the grey rock Jemima Jemima«
said Elizabeth faintly »I am so dizzy I think I am ill«
The next minute the tired girl lay swooning on the grass It was an outlet
for Jemimas fierce energy With a strength she had never again and never had
known before she lifted up her fainting sister and bidding Mary run and clear
the way she carried her in through the open gardendoor up the wide
oldfashioned stairs and laid her on the bed in her own room where the breeze
from the window came softly and pleasantly through the green shade of the
vineleaves and jessamine
»Give me the water Run for mamma Mary« said Jemima as she saw that the
faintingfit did not yield to the usual remedy of a horizontal position and the
watersprinkling
»Dear dear Lizzie« said Jemima kissing the pale unconscious face »I
think you loved me darling«
The long walk on the hot day had been too much for the delicate Elizabeth
who was fast outgrowing her strength It was many days before she regained any
portion of her spirit and vigour After that faintingfit she lay listless and
weary without appetite or interest through the long sunny autumn weather on
the bed or on the couch in Jemimas room whither she had been carried at first
It was a comfort to Mrs Bradshaw to be able at once to discover what it was
that had knocked up Elizabeth she did not rest easily until she had settled
upon a cause for every ailment or illness in the family It was a stern
consolation to Mr Bradshaw during his time of anxiety respecting his daughter
to be able to blame somebody He could not like his wife have taken comfort
from an inanimate fact he wanted the satisfaction of feeling that some one had
been in fault or else this never could have happened Poor Ruth did not need
his implied reproaches When she saw her gentle Elizabeth lying feeble and
languid her heart blamed her for thoughtlessness so severely as to make her
take all Mr Bradshaws words and hints as too light censure for the careless
way in which to please her own child she had allowed her two pupils to fatigue
themselves with such long walks She begged hard to take her share of nursing
Every spare moment she went to Mr Bradshaws and asked with earnest humility
to be allowed to pass them with Elizabeth and as it was often a relief to have
her assistance Mrs Bradshaw received these entreaties very kindly and desired
her to go upstairs where Elizabeths pale countenance brightened when she saw
her but where Jemima sat in silent annoyance that her own room was now become
open ground for one whom her heart rose up against to enter in and be
welcomed Whether it was that Ruth who was not an inmate of the house brought
with her a fresher air more change of thought to the invalid I do not know
but Elizabeth always gave her a peculiarly tender greeting and if she had sunk
down into languid fatigue in spite of all Jemimas endeavours to interest her
she roused up into animation when Ruth came in with a flower a book or a brown
and ruddy pear sending out the warm fragrance it retained from the sunny
gardenwall at Chapelhouse
The jealous dislike which Jemima was allowing to grow up in her heart
against Ruth was as she thought never shown in word or deed She was cold in
manner because she could not be hypocritical but her words were polite and
kind in purport and she took pains to make her actions the same as formerly
But rule and line may measure out the figure of a man it is the soul that gives
it life and there was no soul no inner meaning breathing out in Jemimas
actions Ruth felt the change acutely She suffered from it some time before she
ventured to ask what had occasioned it One day she took Miss Bradshaw by
surprise when they were alone together for a few minutes by asking her if she
had vexed her in any way she was so changed It is sad when friendship has
cooled so far as to render such a question necessary Jemima went rather paler
than usual and then made answer
»Changed How do you mean How am I changed What do I say or do different
from what I used to do«
But the tone was so constrained and cold that Ruths heart sank within her
She knew now as well as words could have told her that not only had the old
feeling of love passed away from Jemima but that it had gone unregretted and
no attempt had been made to recall it Love was very precious to Ruth now as of
old time It was one of the faults of her nature to be ready to make any
sacrifices for those who loved her and to value affection almost above its
price She had yet to learn the lesson that it is more blessed to love than to
be beloved and lonely as the impressible years of her youth had been without
parents without brother or sister it was perhaps no wonder that she clung
tenaciously to every symptom of regard and could not relinquish the love of any
one without a pang
The doctor who was called in to Elizabeth prescribed seaair as the best
means of recruiting her strength Mr Bradshaw who liked to spend money
ostentatiously went down straight to Abermouth and engaged a house for the
remainder of the autumn for as he told the medical man money was no object to
him in comparison with his childrens health and the doctor cared too little
about the mode in which his remedy was administered to tell Mr Bradshaw that
lodgings would have done as well or better than the complete house he had seen
fit to take For it was now necessary to engage servants and take much trouble
which might have been obviated and Elizabeths removal effected more quietly
and speedily if she had gone into lodgings As it was she was weary of hearing
all the planning and talking and deciding and undeciding and redeciding
before it was possible for her to go Her only comfort was in the thought that
dear Mrs Denbigh was to go with her
It had not been entirely by way of pompously spending his money that Mr
Bradshaw had engaged this seaside house He was glad to get his little girls and
their governess out of the way for a busy time was impending when he should
want his head clear for electioneering purposes and his house clear for
electioneering hospitality He was the mover of a project for bringing forward a
man on the Liberal and Dissenting interest to contest the election with the old
Tory member who had on several successive occasions walked over the course as
he and his family owned half the town and votes and rent were paid alike to the
landlord
Kings of Eccleston had Mr Cranworth and his ancestors been this many a long
year their right was so little disputed that they never thought of
acknowledging the allegiance so readily paid to them The old feudal feeling
between landowner and tenant did not quake prophetically at the introduction of
manufactures the Cranworth family ignored the growing power of the
manufacturers more especially as the principal person engaged in the trade was
a Dissenter But notwithstanding this lack of patronage from the one great
family in the neighbourhood the business flourished increased and spread
wide and the Dissenting head thereof looked around about the time of which I
speak and felt himself powerful enough to defy the great Cranworth interest
even in their hereditary stronghold and by so doing avenge the slights of
many years slights which rankled in Mr Bradshaws mind as much as if he did
not go to chapel twice every Sunday and pay the largest pewrent of any member
of Mr Bensons congregation
Accordingly Mr Bradshaw had applied to one of the Liberal parliamentary
agents in London a man whose only principle was to do wrong on the Liberal
side he would not act right or wrong for a Tory but for a Whig the latitude
of his conscience had never yet been discovered It was possible Mr Bradshaw
was not aware of the character of this agent at any rate he knew he was the
man for his purpose which was to hear of some one who would come forward as a
candidate for the representation of Eccleston on the Dissenting interest
»There are in round numbers about six hundred voters« said he »two hundred
are decidedly in the Cranworth interest dare not offend Mr Cranworth poor
souls Two hundred more we may calculate upon as pretty certain factory hands
or people connected with our trade in some way or another who are indignant at
the stubborn way in which Cranworth has contested the right of water two
hundred are doubtful«
»Dont much care either way« said the parliamentary agent »Of course we
must make them care«
Mr Bradshaw rather shrank from the knowing look with which this was said
He hoped that Mr Pilson did not mean to allude to bribery but he did not
express this hope because he thought it would deter the agent from using this
means and it was possible it might prove to be the only way And if he Mr
Bradshaw once embarked on such an enterprise there must be no failure By some
expedient or another success must be certain or he could have nothing to do
with it
The parliamentary agent was well accustomed to deal with all kinds and
shades of scruples He was most at home with men who had none but still he
could allow for human weakness and he perfectly understood Mr Bradshaw
»I have a notion I know of a man who will just suit your purpose Plenty of
money does not know what to do with it in fact tired of yachting
travelling wants something new I heard through some of the means of
intelligence I employ that not very long ago he was wishing for a seat in
Parliament«
»A Liberal« said Mr Bradshaw
»Decidedly Belongs to a family who were in the Long Parliament in their
day«
Mr Bradshaw rubbed his hands
»Dissenter« asked he
»No no Not so far as that But very lax Church«
»What is his name« asked Mr Bradshaw eagerly
»Excuse me Until I am certain that he would like to come forward for
Eccleston I think I had better not mention his name«
The anonymous gentleman did like to come forward and his name proved to be
Donne He and Mr Bradshaw had been in correspondence during all the time of Mr
Ralph Cranworths illness and when he died everything was arranged ready for a
start even before the Cranworths had determined who should keep the seat warm
till the eldest son came of age for the father was already member for the
county Mr Donne was to come down to canvass in person and was to take up his
abode at Mr Bradshaws and therefore it was that the seaside house within
twenty miles distance of Eccleston was found to be so convenient as an
infirmary and nursery for those members of his family who were likely to be
useless if not positive encumbrances during the forthcoming election
Chapter XXII
The Liberal Candidate and His Precursor
Jemima did not know whether she wished to go to Abermouth or not She longed for
change She wearied of the sights and sounds of home But yet she could not bear
to leave the neighbourhood of Mr Farquhar especially as if she went to
Abermouth Ruth would in all probability be left to take her holiday at home
When Mr Bradshaw decided that she was to go Ruth tried to feel glad that
he gave her the means of repairing her fault towards Elizabeth and she resolved
to watch over the two girls most faithfully and carefully and to do all in her
power to restore the invalid to health But a tremor came over her whenever she
thought of leaving Leonard she had never quitted him for a day and it seemed
to her as if her brooding constant care was his natural and necessary shelter
from all evils from very death itself She would not go to sleep at nights in
order to enjoy the blessed consciousness of having him near her when she was
away from him teaching her pupils she kept trying to remember his face and
print it deep on her heart against the time when days and days would elapse
without her seeing that little darling countenance Miss Benson would wonder to
her brother that Mr Bradshaw did not propose that Leonard should accompany his
mother he only begged her not to put such an idea into Ruths head as he was
sure Mr Bradshaw had no thoughts of doing any such thing yet to Ruth it might
be a hope and then a disappointment His sister scolded him for being so
coldhearted but he was full of sympathy although he did not express it and
made some quiet little sacrifices in order to set himself at liberty to take
Leonard a long walking expedition on the day when his mother left Eccleston
Ruth cried until she could cry no longer and felt very much ashamed of
herself as she saw the grave and wondering looks of her pupils whose only
feeling on leaving home was delight at the idea of Abermouth and into whose
minds the possibility of death to any of their beloved ones never entered Ruth
dried her eyes and spoke cheerfully as soon as she caught the perplexed
expression of their faces and by the time they arrived at Abermouth she was as
much delighted with all the new scenery as they were and found it hard work to
resist their entreaties to go rambling out on the seashore at once but
Elizabeth had undergone more fatigue that day than she had had before for many
weeks and Ruth was determined to be prudent
Meanwhile the Bradshaws house at Eccleston was being rapidly adapted for
electioneering hospitality The partitionwall between the unused drawingroom
and the schoolroom was broken down in order to admit of foldingdoors the
ingenious upholsterer of the town and what town does not boast of the
upholsterer full of contrivances and resources in opposition to the upholsterer
of steady capital and no imagination who looks down with uneasy contempt on
ingenuity had come in to give his opinion that »nothing could be easier than
to convert a bathroom into a bedroom by the assistance of a little drapery to
conceal the showerbath« the string of which was to be carefully concealed for
fear that the unconscious occupier of the bathbed might innocently take it for
a bellrope The professional cook of the town had been already engaged to take
up her abode for a month at Mr Bradshaws much to the indignation of Betsy
who became a vehement partisan of Mr Cranworth as soon as ever she heard of
the plan of her deposition from sovereign authority in the kitchen in which she
had reigned supreme for fourteen years Mrs Bradshaw sighed and bemoaned
herself in all her leisure moments which were not many and wondered why their
house was to be turned into an inn for this Mr Donne when everybody knew that
the George was good enough for the Cranworths who never thought of asking the
electors to the Hall and they had lived at Cranworth ever since Julius
Cæsars time and if that was not being an old family she did not know what
was The excitement soothed Jemima There was something to do It was she who
planned with the upholsterer it was she who soothed Betsy into angry silence
it was she who persuaded her mother to lie down and rest while she herself went
out to buy the heterogeneous things required to make the family and house
presentable to Mr Donne and his precursor the friend of the parliamentary
agent This latter gentleman never appeared himself on the scene of action but
pulled all the strings notwithstanding The friend was a Mr Hickson a lawyer
a briefless barrister some people called him but he himself professed a great
disgust to the law as a great sham which involved an immensity of underhand
action and truckling and timeserving and was perfectly encumbered by useless
forms and ceremonies and dead obsolete words So instead of putting his
shoulder to the wheel to reform the law he talked eloquently against it in
such a highpriest style that it was occasionally a matter of surprise how he
could ever have made a friend of the parliamentary agent before mentioned But
as Mr Hickson himself said it was the very corruptness of the law which he was
fighting against in doing all he could to effect the return of certain members
to Parliament these certain members being pledged to effect a reform in the
law according to Mr Hickson And as he once observed confidentially »If you
had to destroy a hydraheaded monster would you measure swords with the demon
as if he were a gentleman Would you not rather seize the first weapon that came
to hand And so do I My great object in life sir is to reform the law of
England sir Once get a majority of Liberal members into the House and the
thing is done And I consider myself justified for so high for I may say so
holy an end in using mens weaknesses to work out my purpose Of course if
men were angels or even immaculate men invulnerable to bribes we would not
bribe«
»Could you« asked Jemima for the conversation took place at Mr Bradshaws
dinnertable where a few friends were gathered together to meet Mr Hickson
and among them was Mr Benson
»We neither would nor could« said the ardent barrister disregarding in his
vehemence the point of the question and floating on over the bar of argument
into the wide ocean of his own eloquence »As it is as the world stands they
who would succeed even in good deeds must come down to the level of expediency
and therefore I say once more if Mr Donne is the man for your purpose and
your purpose is a good one a lofty one a holy one« for Mr Hickson remembered
the Dissenting character of his little audience and privately considered the
introduction of the word holy a most happy hit »then I say we must put all
the squeamish scruples which might befit Utopia or some such place on one side
and treat men as they are If they are avaricious it is not we who have made
them so but as we have to do with them we must consider their failings in
dealing with them if they have been careless or extravagant or have had their
little peccadilloes we must administer the screw The glorious reform of the
law will justify in my idea all means to obtain the end that law from the
profession of which I have withdrawn myself from perhaps a too scrupulous
conscience« he concluded softly to himself
»We are not to do evil that good my come« said Mr Benson He was startled
at the deep sound of his own voice as he uttered these words but he had not
been speaking for some time and his voice came forth strong and unmodulated
»True sir most true« said Mr Hickson bowing »I honour you for the
observation« And he profited by it insomuch that he confined his further
remarks on elections to the end of the table where he sat near Mr Bradshaw
and one or two equally eager though not equally influential partisans of Mr
Donnes Meanwhile Mr Farquhar took up Mr Bensons quotation at the end where
he and Jemima sat near to Mrs Bradshaw and him
»But in the present state of the world as Mr Hickson says it is rather
difficult to act upon that precept«
»Oh Mr Farquhar« said Jemima indignantly the tears springing to her eyes
with a feeling of disappointment For she had been chafing under all that Mr
Hickson had been saying perhaps the more for one or two attempts on his part at
flirtation with the daughter of his wealthy host which she resented with all
the loathing of a preoccupied heart and she had longed to be a man to speak
out her wrath at this paltering with right and wrong She had felt grateful to
Mr Benson for his one clear short precept coming down with a divine force
against which there was no appeal and now to have Mr Farquhar taking the side
of expediency It was too bad
»Nay Jemima« said Mr Farquhar touched and secretly flattered by the
visible pain his speech had given »Dont be indignant with me till I have
explained myself a little more I dont understand myself yet and it is a very
intricate question or so it appears to me which I was going to put really
earnestly and humbly for Mr Bensons opinion Now Mr Benson may I ask if
you always find it practicable to act strictly in accordance with that
principle For if you do not I am sure no man living can Are there not
occasions when it is absolutely necessary to wade through evil to good I am not
speaking in the careless presumptuous way of that man yonder« said he
lowering his voice and addressing himself to Jemima more exclusively »I am
really anxious to hear what Mr Benson will say on the subject for I know no
one to whose candid opinion I should attach more weight«
But Mr Benson was silent He did not see Mrs Bradshaw and Jemima leave the
room He was really as Mr Farquhar supposed him completely absent
questioning himself as to how far his practice tallied with his principle By
degrees he came to himself he found the conversation still turned on the
election and Mr Hickson who felt that he had jarred against the little
ministers principles and yet knew from the carte du pays which the scouts of
the parliamentary agent had given him that Mr Benson was a person to be
conciliated on account of his influence over many of the workingpeople began
to ask him questions with an air of deferring to superior knowledge that almost
surprised Mr Bradshaw who had been accustomed to treat Benson in a very
different fashion of civil condescending indulgence just as one listens to a
child who can have had no opportunities of knowing better
At the end of a conversation that Mr Hickson held with Mr Benson on a
subject in which the latter was really interested and on which he had expressed
himself at some length the young barrister turned to Mr Bradshaw and said very
audibly
»I wish Donne had been here This conversation during the last halfhour
would have interested him almost as much as it has done me«
Mr Bradshaw little guessed the truth that Mr Donne was at that very
moment coaching up the various subjects of public interest at Eccleston and
privately cursing the particular subject on which Mr Benson had been holding
forth as being an unintelligible piece of Quixotism or the leading Dissenter
of the town need not have experienced a pang of jealousy at the possible future
admiration his minister might excite in the possible future member for
Eccleston And if Mr Benson had been clairvoyant he need not have made an
especial subject of gratitude out of the likelihood that he might have an
opportunity of so far interesting Mr Donne in the condition of the people of
Eccleston as to induce him to set his face against any attempts at bribery
Mr Benson thought of this half the night through and ended by determining
to write a sermon on the Christian view of political duties which might be good
for all both electors and member to hear on the eve of an election For Mr
Donne was expected at Mr Bradshaws before the next Sunday and of course as
Mr and Miss Benson had settled it he would appear at the chapel with them on
that day But the stinging conscience refused to be quieted No present plan of
usefulness allayed the aching remembrance of the evil he had done that good
might come Not even the look of Leonard as the early dawn fell on him and Mr
Bensons sleepless eyes saw the rosy glow on his firm round cheeks his open
mouth through which the soft longdrawn breath came gently quivering and his
eyes not fully shut but closed to outward sight not even the aspect of the
quiet innocent child could soothe the troubled spirit
Leonard and his mother dreamt of each other that night Her dream of him was
one of undefined terror terror so great that it wakened her up and she strove
not to sleep again for fear that ominous ghastly dream should return He on
the contrary dreamt of her sitting watching and smiling by his bedside as her
gentle self had been many a morning and when she saw him awake so it fell out
in the dream she smiled still more sweetly and bending down she kissed him
and then spread out large soft whitefeathered wings which in no way
surprised her child he seemed to have known they were there all along and
sailed away through the open window far into the blue sky of a summers day
Leonard wakened up then and remembered how far away she really was far more
distant and inaccessible than the beautiful blue sky to which she had betaken
herself in his dream and cried himself to sleep again
In spite of her absence from her child which made one great and abiding
sorrow Ruth enjoyed her seaside visit exceedingly In the first place there
was the delight of seeing Elizabeths daily and almost hourly improvement Then
at the doctors express orders there were so few lessons to be done that there
was time for the long exploring rambles which all three delighted in And when
the rain came on and the storms blew the house with its wild seaviews was
equally delightful It was a large house built on the summit of a rock which
nearly overhung the shore below there was to be sure a series of zigzag
tacking paths down the face of this rock but from the house they could not be
seen Old or delicate people would have considered the situation bleak and
exposed indeed the present proprietor wanted to dispose of it on this very
account but by its present inhabitants this exposure and bleakness were called
by other names and considered as charms From every part of the rooms they saw
the grey storms gather on the seahorizon and put themselves in marching array
and soon the march became a sweep and the great dome of the heavens was covered
with the lurid clouds between which and the vivid green earth below there
seemed to come a purple atmosphere making the very threatening beautiful and
byandby the house was wrapped in sheets of rain shutting out sky and sea
and inland view till of a sudden the storm was gone by and the heavy
raindrops glistened in the sun as they hung on leaf and grass and the little
birds sang east and the little birds sang west and there was a pleasant sound
of running waters all abroad
»Oh if papa would but buy this house« exclaimed Elizabeth after one such
storm which she had watched silently from the very beginning of the little
cloud no bigger than a mans hand
»Mamma would never like it I am afraid« said Mary »She would call our
delicious gushes of air draughts and think we should catch cold«
»Jemima would be on our side But how long Mrs Denbigh is I hope she was
near enough to the postoffice when the rain came on«
Ruth had gone to the shop in the little village about halfamile distant
where all letters were left till fetched She only expected one but that one
was to tell her of Leonard She however received two the unexpected one was
from Mr Bradshaw and the news it contained was if possible a greater
surprise than the letter itself Mr Bradshaw informed her that he planned
arriving by dinnertime the following Saturday at Eagles Crag and more that
he intended bringing Mr Donne and one or two other gentlemen with him to spend
the Sunday there The letter went on to give every possible direction regarding
the household preparations The dinnerhour was fixed to be at six but of
course Ruth and the girls would have dined long before The professional cook
would arrive the day before laden with all the provisions that could not be
obtained on the spot Ruth was to engage a waiter from the inn and this it was
that detained her so long While she sat in the little parlour awaiting the
coming of the landlady she could not help wondering why Mr Bradshaw was
bringing this strange gentleman to spend two days at Abermouth and thus giving
himself so much trouble and fuss of preparation
There were so many small reasons that went to make up the large one which
had convinced Mr Bradshaw of the desirableness of this step that it was not
likely that Ruth should guess at onehalf of them In the first place Miss
Benson in the pride and fulness of her heart had told Mrs Bradshaw what her
brother had told her how he meant to preach upon the Christian view of the
duties involved in political rights and as of course Mrs Bradshaw had told
Mr Bradshaw he began to dislike the idea of attending chapel on that Sunday at
all for he had an uncomfortable idea that by the Christian standard that
divine test of the true and pure bribery would not be altogether approved of
and yet he was tacitly coming round to the understanding that packets would be
required for what purpose both he and Mr Donne were to be supposed to remain
ignorant But it would be very awkward so near to the time if he were to be
clearly convinced that bribery however disguised by names and words was in
plain terms a sin And yet he knew Mr Benson had once or twice convinced him
against his will of certain things which he had thenceforward found it
impossible to do without such great uneasiness of mind that he had left off
doing them which was sadly against his interest And if Mr Donne whom he had
intended to take with him to chapel as fair Dissenting prey should also become
convinced why the Cranworths would win the day and he should be the
laughingstock of Eccleston No in this one case bribery must be allowed was
allowable but it was a great pity human nature was so corrupt and if his
member succeeded he would double his subscription to the schools in order that
the next generation might be taught better There were various other reasons
which strengthened Mr Bradshaw in the bright idea of going down to Abermouth
for the Sunday some connected with the outofdoor politics and some with the
domestic For instance it had been the plan of the house to have a cold dinner
on the Sundays Mr Bradshaw had piqued himself on this strictness and yet he
had an instinctive feeling that Mr Donne was not quite the man to partake of
cold meat for conscience sake with cheerful indifference to his fare
Mr Donne had in fact taken the Bradshaw household a little by surprise
Before he came Mr Bradshaw had pleased himself with thinking that more
unlikely things had happened than the espousal of his daughter with the member
of a small borough But this pretty airy bubble burst as soon as he saw Mr
Donne and its very existence was forgotten in less than halfanhour when he
felt the quiet but incontestable difference of rank and standard that there was
in every respect between his guest and his own family It was not through any
circumstance so palpable and possibly accidental as the bringing down a
servant whom Mr Donne seemed to consider as much a matter of course as a
carpetbag though the smart gentlemans arrival fluttered the Volscians in
Corioli considerably more than his gentlespoken masters It was nothing like
this it was something indescribable a quiet being at ease and expecting
every one else to be so an attention to women which was so habitual as to be
unconsciously exercised to those subordinate persons in Mr Bradshaws family
a happy choice of simple and expressive words some of which it must be
confessed were slang but fashionable slang and that makes all the difference
a measured graceful way of utterance with a style of pronunciation quite
different to that of Eccleston All these put together make but a part of the
indescribable whole which unconsciously affected Mr Bradshaw and established
Mr Donne in his estimation as a creature quite different to any he had seen
before and as most unfit to mate with Jemima Mr Hickson who had appeared as
a model of gentlemanly ease before Mr Donnes arrival now became vulgar and
coarse in Bradshaws eyes And yet such was the charm of that languid
highbred manner that Mr Bradshaw cottoned as he expressed it to Mr
Farquhar to his new candidate at once He was only afraid lest Mr Donne was
too indifferent to all things under the sun to care whether he gained or lost
the election but he was reassured after the first conversation they had
together on the subject Mr Donnes eye lightened with an eagerness that was
almost fierce though his tones were as musical and nearly as slow as ever
and when Mr Bradshaw alluded distantly to probable expenses and packets Mr
Donne replied
»Oh of course disagreeable necessity Better speak as little about such
things as possible other people can be found to arrange all the dirty work
Neither you nor I would like to soil our fingers by it I am sure Four thousand
pounds are in Mr Pilsons hands and I shall never inquire what becomes of
them they may very probably be absorbed in the law expenses you know I
shall let it be clearly understood from the hustings that I most decidedly
disapprove of bribery and leave the rest to Hicksons management He is
accustomed to these sort of things I am not«
Mr Bradshaw was rather perplexed by this want of bustling energy on the
part of the new candidate and if it had not been for the four thousand pounds
aforesaid would have doubted whether Mr Donne cared sufficiently for the
result of the election Jemima thought differently She watched her fathers
visitor attentively with something like the curious observation which a
naturalist bestows on a new species of animal
»Do you know what Mr Donne reminds me of mamma« said she one day as the
two sat at work while the gentlemen were absent canvassing
»No he is not like anybody I ever saw He quite frightens me by being so
ready to open the door for me if I am going out of the room and by giving me a
chair when I come in I never saw any one like him Who is it Jemima«
»Not any person not any human being mamma« said Jemima half smiling
»Do you remember our stopping at Wakefield once on our way to Scarborough and
there were horseraces going on somewhere and some of the racers were in the
stables at the inn where we dined«
»Yes I remember it but what about that«
»Why Richard somehow knew one of the jockeys and as we were coming in
from our ramble through the town this man or boy asked us to look at one of
the racers he had the charge of«
»Well my dear«
»Well mamma Mr Donne is like that horse«
»Nonsense Jemima you must not say so I dont know what your father would
say if he heard you likening Mr Donne to a brute«
»Brutes are sometimes very beautiful mamma I am sure I should think it a
compliment to be likened to a racehorse such as the one we saw But the thing
in which they are alike is the sort of repressed eagerness in both«
»Eager Why I should say there never was any one cooler than Mr Donne
Think of the trouble your papa has had this month past and then remember the
slow way in which Mr Donne moves when he is going out to canvass and the low
drawling voice in which he questions the people who bring him intelligence I
can see your papa standing by ready to shake them to get out their news«
»But Mr Donnes questions are always to the point and force out the grain
without the chaff And look at him if any one tells him ill news about the
election Have you never seen a dull red light come into his eyes That is like
my racehorse Her flesh quivered all over at certain sounds and noises which
had some meaning to her but she stood quite still pretty creature Now Mr
Donne is just as eager as she was though he may be too proud to show it Though
he seems so gentle I almost think he is very headstrong in following out his
own will«
»Well dont call him like a horse again for I am sure papa would not like
it Do you know I thought you were going to say he was like little Leonard
when you asked me who he was like«
»Leonard O mamma he is not in the least like Leonard He is twenty times
more like my racehorse«
»Now my dear Jemima do be quiet Your father thinks racing so wrong that
I am sure he would be very seriously displeased if he were to hear you«
To return to Mr Bradshaw and to give one more of his various reasons for
wishing to take Mr Donne to Abermouth The wealthy Eccleston manufacturer was
uncomfortably impressed with an indefinable sense of inferiority to his visitor
It was not in education for Mr Bradshaw was a welleducated man it was not in
power for if he chose the present object of Mr Donnes life might be utterly
defeated it did not arise from anything overbearing in manner for Mr Donne
was habitually polite and courteous and was just now anxious to propitiate his
host whom he looked upon as a very useful man Whatever this sense of
inferiority arose from Mr Bradshaw was anxious to relieve himself from it and
imagined that if he could make more display of his wealth his object would be
obtained Now his house in Eccleston was oldfashioned and illcalculated to
exhibit moneys worth His mode of living though strained to a high pitch just
at this time he became aware was no more than Mr Donne was accustomed to every
day of his life The first day at dessert some remark some opportune remark
as Mr Bradshaw in his innocence had thought was made regarding the price of
pineapples which was rather exorbitant that year and Mr Donne asked Mrs
Bradshaw with quiet surprise if they had no pinery as if to be without a
pinery were indeed a depth of pitiable destitution In fact Mr Donne had been
born and cradled in all that wealth could purchase and so had his ancestors
before him for so many generations that refinement and luxury seemed the
natural condition of man and they that dwelt without were in the position of
monsters The absence was noticed but not the presence
Now Mr Bradshaw knew that the house and grounds of Eagles Crag were
exorbitantly dear and yet he really thought of purchasing them And as one
means of exhibiting his wealth and so raising himself up to the level of Mr
Donne he thought that if he could take the latter down to Abermouth and show
him the place for which »because his little girls had taken a fancy to it« he
was willing to give the fancy price of fourteen thousand pounds he should at
last make those halfshut dreamy eyes open wide and their owner confess that
in wealth at least the Eccleston manufacturer stood on a par with him
All these mingled motives caused the determination which made Ruth sit in
the little inn parlour of Abermouth during the wild storms passage
She wondered if she had fulfilled all Mr Bradshaws directions She looked
at the letter Yes everything was done And now home with her news through the
wet lane where the little pools by the roadside reflected the deep blue sky and
the round white clouds with even deeper blue and clearer white and the
raindrops hung so thick on the trees that even a little birds flight was
enough to shake them down in a bright shower as of rain When she told the news
Mary exclaimed
»Oh how charming Then we shall see this new member after all« while
Elizabeth added
»Yes I shall like to do that But where must we be Papa will want the
diningroom and this room and where must we sit«
»Oh« said Ruth »in the dressingroom next to my room All that your papa
wants always is that you are quiet and out of the way«
Chapter XXIII
Recognition
Saturday came Torn ragged clouds were driven across the sky It was not a
becoming day for the scenery and the little girls regretted it much First they
hoped for a change at twelve oclock and then at the afternoon tideturning
But at neither time did the sun show his face
»Papa will never buy this dear place« said Elizabeth sadly as she watched
the weather »The sun is everything to it The sea looks quite leaden today
and there is no sparkle on it And the sands that were so yellow and
sunspeckled on Thursday are all one dull brown now«
»Never mind tomorrow may be better« said Ruth cheerily
»I wonder what time they will come at« inquired Mary
»Your papa said they would be at the station at five oclock And the
landlandy at the Swan said it would take them halfanhour to get here«
»And they are to dine at six« asked Elizabeth
»Yes« answered Ruth »And I think if we had our tea halfanhour earlier
at halfpast four and then went out for a walk we should be nicely out of the
way just during the bustle of the arrival and dinner and we could be in the
drawingroom ready against your papa came in after dinner«
»Oh that would be nice« said they and tea was ordered accordingly
The southwesterly wind had dropped and the clouds were stationary when
they went out on the sands They dug little holes near the incoming tide and
made canals to them from the water and blew the light seafoam against each
other and then stole on tiptoe near to the groups of grey and white seagulls
which despised their caution flying softly and slowly away to a little distance
as soon as they drew near And in all this Ruth was as great a child as any
Only she longed for Leonard with a mothers longing as indeed she did every
day and all hours of the day Byandby the clouds thickened yet more and one
or two drops of rain were felt It was very little but Ruth feared a shower for
her delicate Elizabeth and besides the September evening was fast closing in
the dark and sunless day As they turned homewards in the rapidly increasing
dusk they saw three figures on the sand near the rocks coming in their
direction
»Papa and Mr Donne« exclaimed Mary »Now we shall see him«
»Which do you make out is him« asked Elizabeth
»Oh the tall one to be sure Dont you see how papa always turns to him
as if he was speaking to him and not to the other«
»Who is the other« asked Elizabeth
»Mr Bradshaw said that Mr Farquhar and Mr Hickson would come with him
But that is not Mr Farquhar I am sure« said Ruth
The girls looked at each other as they always did when Ruth mentioned Mr
Farquhars name but she was perfectly unconscious both of the look and of the
conjectures which gave rise to it
As soon as the two parties drew near Mr Bradshaw called out in his strong
voice
»Well my dears we found there was an hour before dinner so we came down
upon the sands and here you are«
The tone of his voice assured them that he was in a bland and indulgent
mood and the two little girls ran towards him He kissed them and shook hands
with Ruth told his companions that these were the little girls who were
tempting him to this extravagance of purchasing Eagles Crag and then rather
doubtfully and because he saw that Mr Donne expected it he introduced »My
daughters governess Mrs Denbigh«
It was growing darker every moment and it was time they should hasten back
to the rocks which were even now indistinct in the grey haze Mr Bradshaw held
a hand of each of his daughters and Ruth walked alongside the two strange
gentlemen being on the outskirts of the party
Mr Bradshaw began to give his little girls some home news He told them
that Mr Farquhar was ill and could not accompany them but Jemima and their
mamma were quite well
The gentleman nearest to Ruth spoke to her
»Are you fond of the sea« asked he There was no answer so he repeated his
question in a different form
»Do you enjoy staying by the seaside I should rather ask«
The reply was Yes rather breathed out in a deep inspiration than spoken in
a sound The sands heaved and trembled beneath Ruth The figures near her
vanished into strange nothingness the sounds of their voices were as distant
sounds in a dream while the echo of one voice thrilled through and through She
could have caught at his arm for support in the awful dizziness which wrapped
her up body and soul That voice No if name and face and figure were all
changed that voice was the same which had touched her girlish heart which had
spoken most tender words of love which had won and wrecked her and which she
had last heard in the low mutterings of fever She dared not look round to see
the figure of him who spoke dark as it was She knew he was there she heard
him speak in the manner in which he used to address strangers years ago perhaps
she answered him perhaps she did not God knew It seemed as if weights were
tied to her feet as if the steadfast rocks receded as if time stood still
it was so long so terrible that path across the reeling sand
At the foot of the rocks they separated Mr Bradshaw afraid lest dinner
should cool preferred the shorter way for himself and his friends On
Elizabeths account the girls were to take the longer and easier path which
wound upwards through a rocky field where larks nests abounded and where wild
thyme and heather were now throwing out their sweets to the soft night air
The little girls spoke in eager discussion of the strangers They appealed
to Ruth but Ruth did not answer and they were too impatient to convince each
other to repeat the question The first little ascent from the sands to the
field surmounted Ruth sat down suddenly and covered her face with her hands
This was so unusual their wishes their good was so invariably the rule of
motion or of rest in their walks that the girls suddenly checked stood
silent and affrighted in surprise They were still more startled when Ruth
wailed aloud some inarticulate words
»Are you not well dear Mrs Denbigh« asked Elizabeth gently kneeling down
on the grass by Ruth
She sat facing the west The low watery twilight was on her face as she took
her hands away So pale so haggard so wild and wandering a look the girls had
never seen on human countenance before
»Well what are you doing here with me You should not be with me« said
she shaking her head slowly
They looked at each other
»You are sadly tired« said Elizabeth soothingly »Come home and let me
help you to bed I will tell papa you are ill and ask him to send for a
doctor«
Ruth looked at her as if she did not understand the meaning of her words No
more she did at first But byandby the dulled brain began to think most
vividly and rapidly and she spoke in a sharp way which deceived the girls into
a belief that nothing had been the matter
»Yes I was tired I am tired Those sands oh those sands those weary
dreadful sands But that is all over now Only my heart aches still Feel how it
flutters and beats« said she taking Elizabeths hand and holding it to her
side »I am quite well though« she continued reading pity in the childs
looks as she felt the trembling quivering beat »We will go straight to the
dressingroom and read a chapter that will still my heart and then Ill go to
bed and Mr Bradshaw will excuse me I know this one night I only ask for one
night Put on your right frocks dears and do all you ought to do But I know
you will« said she bending down to kiss Elizabeth and then before she had
done so raising her head abruptly »You are good and dear girls God keep you
so«
By a strong effort at selfcommand she went onwards at an even pace
neither rushing nor pausing to sob and think The very regularity of motion
calmed her The front and back doors of the house were on two sides at right
angles with each other They all shrank a little from the idea of going in at
the front door now that the strange gentlemen were about and accordingly
they went through the quiet farmyard right into the bright ruddy kitchen where
the servants were dashing about with the dinnerthings It was a contrast in
more than colour to the lonely dusky field which even the little girls
perceived and the noise the warmth the very bustle of the servants were a
positive relief to Ruth and for the time lifted off the heavy press of pentup
passion A silent house with moonlit rooms or with a faint gloom brooding over
the apartments would have been more to be dreaded Then she must have given
way and cried out As it was she went up the old awkward backstairs and into
the room they were to sit in There was no candle Mary volunteered to go down
for one and when she returned she was full of the wonders of preparation in the
drawingroom and ready and eager to dress so as to take her place there before
the gentlemen had finished dinner But she was struck by the strange paleness of
Ruths face now that the light fell upon it
»Stay up here dear Mrs Denbigh Well tell papa you are tired and are
gone to bed«
Another time Ruth would have dreaded Mr Bradshaws displeasure for it was
an understood thing that no one was to be ill or tired in his household without
leave asked and cause given and assigned But she never thought of that now
Her great desire was to hold quiet till she was alone Quietness it was not it
was rigidity but she succeeded in being rigid in look and movement and went
through her duties to Elizabeth who preferred remaining with her upstairs with
wooden precision But her heart felt at times like ice at times like burning
fire always a heavy heavy weight within her At last Elizabeth went to bed
Still Ruth dared not think Mary would come upstairs soon and with a strange
sick shrinking yearning Ruth awaited her and the crumbs of intelligence she
might drop out about him Ruths sense of hearing was quickened to miserable
intensity as she stood before the chimneypiece grasping it tight with both
hands gazing into the dying fire but seeing not the dead grey embers or
the little sparks of vivid light that ran hither and thither among the
woodashes but an old farmhouse and climbing winding road and a little
golden breezy common with a rural inn on the hilltop far far away And
through the thoughts of the past came the sharp sounds of the present of three
voices one of which was almost silence it was so hushed Indifferent people
would only have guessed that Mr Donne was speaking by the quietness in which
the others listened but Ruth heard the voice and many of the words though they
conveyed no idea to her mind She was too much stunned even to feel curious to
know to what they related He spoke That was her one fact
Presently up came Mary bounding exultant Papa had let her stay up one
quarter of an hour longer because Mr Hickson had asked Mr Hickson was so
clever She did not know what to make of Mr Donne he seemed such a dawdle But
he was very handsome Had Ruth seen him Oh no She could not it was so dark
on those stupid sands Well never mind she would see him tomorrow She must
be well tomorrow Papa seemed a good deal put out that neither she nor
Elizabeth were in the drawingroom tonight and his last words were »Tell Mrs
Denbigh I hope« and papas hopes always meant expect »she will be able to make
breakfast at nine oclock« and then she would see Mr Donne
That was all Ruth heard about him She went with Mary into her bedroom
helped her to undress and put the candle out At length she was alone in her
own room At length
But the tension did not give way immediately She fastened her door and
threw open the window cold and threatening as was the night She tore off her
gown she put her hair back from her heated face It seemed now as if she could
not think as if thought and emotion had been repressed so sternly that they
would not come to relieve her stupefied brain Till all at once like a flash of
lightning her life past and present was revealed to her to its minutest
detail And when she saw her very present Now the strange confusion of agony
was too great to be borne and she cried aloud Then she was quite dead and
listened as to the sound of galloping armies
»If I might see him If I might see him If I might just ask him why he left
me if I had vexed him in any way it was so strange so cruel It was not him
it was his mother« said she almost fiercely as if answering herself »O God
but he might have found me out before this« she continued sadly »He did not
care for me as I did for him He did not care for me at all« she went on
wildly and sharply »He did me cruel harm I can never again lift up my face in
innocence They think I have forgotten all because I do not speak Oh darling
love am I talking against you« asked she tenderly »I am so torn and
perplexed You who are the father of my child«
But that very circumstance full of such tender meaning in many cases threw
a new light into her mind It changed her from the woman into the mother the
stern guardian of her child She was still for a time thinking Then she began
again but in a low deep voice
»He left me He might have been hurried off but he might have inquired he
might have learned and explained He left me to bear the burden and the shame
and never cared to learn as he might have done of Leonards birth He has no
love for his child and I will have no love for him«
She raised her voice while uttering this determination and then feeling
her own weakness she moaned out »Alas alas«
And then she started up for all this time she had been rocking herself
backwards and forwards as she sat on the ground and began to pace the room with
hurried steps
»What am I thinking of Where am I I who have been praying these years and
years to be worthy to be Leonards mother My God What a depth of sin is in my
heart Why the old time would be as white as snow to what it would be now if I
sought him out and prayed for the explanation which would reestablish him in
my heart I who have striven or made a mock of trying to learn Gods holy
will in order to bring up Leonard into the full strength of a Christian I who
have taught his sweet innocent lips to pray Lead us not into temptation but
deliver us from evil and yet somehow Ive been longing to give him to his
father who is who is« she almost choked till at last she cried sharp out
»Oh my God I do believe Leonards father is a bad man and yet oh pitiful
God I love him I cannot forget I cannot«
She threw her body half out of the window into the cold night air The wind
was rising and came in great gusts The rain beat down on her It did her good
A still calm night would not have soothed her as this did The wild tattered
clouds hurrying past the moon gave her a foolish kind of pleasure that almost
made her smile a vacant smile The blastdriven rain came on her again and
drenched her hair through and through The words stormy wind fulfilling His word
came into her mind
She sat down on the floor This time her hands were clasped round her knees
The uneasy rocking motion was stilled
»I wonder if my darling is frightened with this blustering noisy wind I
wonder if he is awake«
And then her thoughts went back to the various times of old when
affrighted by the weather sounds so mysterious in the night he had crept
into her bed and clung to her and she had soothed him and sweetly awed him
into stillness and childlike faith by telling him of the goodness and power of
God
Of a sudden she crept to a chair and there knelt as in the very presence of
God hiding her face at first not speaking a word for did He not know her
heart but byandby moaning out amid her sobs and tears and now for the
first time she wept
»Oh my God help me for I am very weak My God I pray Thee be my rock and
my strong fortress for I of myself am nothing If I ask in His name Thou wilt
give it me In the name of Jesus Christ I pray for strength to do Thy will«
She could not think or indeed remember anything but that she was weak
and God was strong and »a very present help in time of trouble« and the wind
rose yet higher and the house shook and vibrated as in measured time the
great and terrible gusts came from the four quarters of the heavens and blew
around it dying away in the distance with loud and unearthly wails which were
not utterly still before the sound of the coming blast was heard like the
trumpets of the vanguard of the Prince of Air
There was a knock at the bedroom door a little gentle knock and a soft
childs voice
»Mrs Denbigh may I come in please I am so frightened«
It was Elizabeth Ruth calmed her passionate breathing by one hasty draught
of water and opened the door to the timid girl
»Oh Mrs Denbigh did you ever hear such a night I am so frightened and
Mary sleeps so sound«
Ruth was too much shaken to be able to speak all at once but she took
Elizabeth in her arms to reassure her Elizabeth stood back
»Why how wet you are Mrs Denbigh and theres the window open I do
believe Oh how cold it is« said she shivering
»Get into my bed dear« said Ruth
»But do come too The candle gives such a strange light with that long wick
and somehow your face does not look like you Please put the candle out and
come to bed I am so frightened and it seems as if I should be safer if you
were by me«
Ruth shut the window and went to bed Elizabeth was all shivering and
quaking To soothe her Ruth made a great effort and spoke of Leonard and his
fears and in a low hesitating voice she spoke of Gods tender mercy but very
humbly for she feared lest Elizabeth should think her better and holier than
she was The little girl was soon asleep her fears forgotten and Ruth worn
out by passionate emotion and obliged to be still for fear of awaking her
bedfellow went off into a short slumber through the depths of which the echoes
of her waking sobs quivered up
When she awoke the grey light of autumnal dawn was in the room Elizabeth
slept on but Ruth heard the servants about and the early farmyard sounds
After she had recovered from the shock of consciousness and recollection she
collected her thoughts with a stern calmness He was here In a few hours she
must meet him There was no escape except through subterfuges and contrivances
that were both false and cowardly How it would all turn out she could not say
or even guess But of one thing she was clear and to one thing she would hold
fast that was that come what might she would obey Gods law and be the end
of all what it might she would say »Thy will be done« She only asked for
strength enough to do this when the time came How the time would come what
speech or action would be requisite on her part she did not know she did not
even try to conjecture She left that in His hands
She was icy cold but very calm when the breakfastbell rang She went down
immediately because she felt that there was less chance of a recognition if she
were already at her place behind the teaurn and busied with the cups than if
she came in after all were settled Her heart seemed to stand still but she
felt almost a strange exultant sense of power over herself She felt rather
than saw that he was not there Mr Bradshaw and Mr Hickson were and so busy
talking electionpolitics that they did not interrupt their conversation even
when they bowed to her Her pupils sat one on each side of her Before they were
quite settled and while the other two gentlemen yet hung over the fire Mr
Donne came in Ruth felt as if that moment was like death She had a kind of
desire to make some sharp sound to relieve a choking sensation but it was over
in an instant and she sat on very composed and silent to all outward
appearance the very model of a governess who knew her place And byandby she
felt strangely at ease in her sense of power She could even listen to what was
being said She had never dared as yet to look at Mr Donne though her heart
burned to see him once again He sounded changed The voice had lost its fresh
and youthful eagerness of tone though in peculiarity of modulation it was the
same It could never be mistaken for the voice of another person There was a
good deal said at that breakfast for none seemed inclined to hurry although it
was Sunday morning Ruth was compelled to sit there and it was good for her
that she did That halfhour seemed to separate the present Mr Donne very
effectively from her imagination of what Mr Bellingham had been She was no
analyser she hardly even had learnt to notice character but she felt there was
some strange difference between the people she had lived with lately and the man
who now leant back in his chair listening in a careless manner to the
conversation but never joining in or expressing any interest in it unless it
somewhere or somehow touched himself Now Mr Bradshaw always threw himself
into a subject it might be in a pompous dogmatic sort of way but he did do
it whether it related to himself or not and it was part of Mr Hicksons trade
to assume an interest if he felt it not But Mr Donne did neither the one nor
the other When the other two were talking of many of the topics of the day he
put his glass in his eye the better to examine into the exact nature of a cold
gamepie at the other side of the table Suddenly Ruth felt that his attention
was caught by her Until now seeing his shortsightedness she had believed
herself safe now her face flushed with a painful miserable blush But in an
instant she was strong and quiet She looked up straight at his face and as if
this action took him aback he dropped his glass and began eating away with
great diligence She had seen him He was changed she knew not how In fact
the expression which had been only occasional formerly when his worse self
predominated had become permanent He looked restless and dissatisfied But he
was very handsome still and her quick eye had recognised with a sort of
strange pride that the eyes and mouth were like Leonards Although perplexed
by the straightforward brave look she had sent right at him he was not
entirely baffled He thought this Mrs Denbigh was certainly like poor Ruth but
this woman was far handsomer Her face was positively Greek and then such a
proud superb turn of her head quite queenly A governess in Mr Bradshaws
family Why she might be a Percy or a Howard for the grandeur of her grace
Poor Ruth This womans hair was darker though and she had less colour
although a more refinedlooking person Poor Ruth and for the first time for
several years he wondered what had become of her though of course there was
but one thing that could have happened and perhaps it was as well he did not
know her end for most likely it would have made him very uncomfortable He
leant back in his chair and unobserved for he would not have thought it
gentlemanly to look so fixedly at her if she or any one noticed him he put up
his glass again She was speaking to one of her pupils and did not see him
By Jove it must be she though There were little dimples came out about
the mouth as she spoke just like those he used to admire so much in Ruth and
which he had never seen in any one else the sunshine without the positive
movement of a smile The longer he looked the more he was convinced and it was
with a jerk that he recovered himself enough to answer Mr Bradshaws question
whether he wished to go to church or not
»Church How far a mile No I think I shall perform my devotions at home
today«
He absolutely felt jealous when Mr Hickson sprang up to open the door as
Ruth and her pupils left the room He was pleased to feel jealous again He had
been really afraid he was too much used up for such sensations But Hickson must
keep his place What he was paid for was doing the talking to the electors not
paying attention to the ladies in their families Mr Donne had noticed that Mr
Hickson had tried to be gallant to Miss Bradshaw let him if he liked but let
him beware how he behaved to this fair creature Ruth or no Ruth It certainly
was Ruth only how the devil had she played her cards so well as to be the
governess the respected governess in such a family as Mr Bradshaws
Mr Donnes movements were evidently to be the guide of Mr Hicksons Mr
Bradshaw always disliked going to church partly from principle partly because
he never could find the places in the Prayerbook Mr Donne was in the
drawingroom as Mary came down ready equipped he was turning over the leaves of
the large and handsome Bible Seeing Mary he was struck with a new idea
»How singular it is« said he »that the name of Ruth is so seldom chosen by
those good people who go to the Bible before they christen their children It is
a very pretty name I think«
Mr Bradshaw looked up »Why Mary« said he »is not that Mrs Denbighs
name«
»Yes papa« replied Mary eagerly »and I know two other Ruths theres Ruth
Brown here and Ruth Macartney at Eccleston«
»And I have an aunt called Ruth Mr Donne I dont think your observation
holds good Besides my daughters governess I know three other Ruths«
»Oh I have no doubt I was wrong It was just a speech of which one
perceives the folly the moment it is made«
But secretly he rejoiced with a fierce joy over the success of his device
Elizabeth came to summon Mary
Ruth was glad when she got into the open air and away from the house Two
hours were gone and over Two out of a day a day and a half for it might be
late on Monday morning before the Eccleston party returned
She felt weak and trembling in body but strong in power over herself They
had left the house in good time for church so they needed not to hurry and
they went leisurely along the road now and then passing some country person
whom they knew and with whom they exchanged a kindly placid greeting But
presently to Ruths dismay she heard a step behind coming at a rapid pace a
peculiar clank of rather highheeled boots which gave a springy sound to the
walk that she had known well long ago It was like a nightmare where the evil
dreaded is never avoided never completely shunned but is by ones side at the
very moment of triumph in escape There he was by her side and there was still
a quarter of a mile intervening between her and the church but even yet she
trusted that he had not recognised her
»I have changed my mind you see« said he quietly »I have some curiosity
to see the architecture of the church some of these old country churches have
singular bits about them Mr Bradshaw kindly directed me part of the way but I
was so much puzzled by turns to the right and turns to the left that I was
quite glad to espy your party«
That speech required no positive answer of any kind and no answer did it
receive He had not expected a reply He knew if she were Ruth she could not
answer any indifferent words of his and her silence made him more certain of
her identity with the lady by his side
»The scenery here is of a kind new to me neither grand wild nor yet
marked by high cultivation and yet it has great charms It reminds me of some
part of Wales« He breathed deeply and then added »You have been in Wales I
believe«
He spoke low almost in a whisper The little churchbell began to call the
lagging people with its quick sharp summons Ruth writhed in body and spirit
but struggled on The churchdoor would be gained at last and in that holy
place she would find peace
He repeated in a louder tone so as to compel an answer in order to conceal
her agitation from the girls
»Have you never been in Wales« He used never instead of ever and laid the
emphasis on that word in order to mark his meaning to Ruth and Ruth only But
he drove her to bay
»I have been in Wales sir« she replied in a calm grave tone »I was
there many years ago Events took place there which contribute to make the
recollections of that time most miserable to me I shall be obliged to you sir
if you will make no further reference to it«
The little girls wondered how Mrs Denbigh could speak in such a high tone
of quiet authority to Mr Donne who was almost a member of Parliament But they
settled that her husband must have died in Wales and of course that would
make the recollection of the country »most miserable« as she said
Mr Donne did not dislike the answer and he positively admired the dignity
with which she spoke His leaving her as he did must have made her very
miserable and he liked the pride that made her retain her indignation until he
could speak to her in private and explain away a good deal of what she might
complain of with some justice
The church was reached They all went up the middle aisle into the Eagles
Crag pew He followed them in entered himself and shut the door Ruths heart
sank as she saw him there just opposite to her coming between her and the
clergyman who was to read out the word of God It was merciless it was cruel
to haunt her there She durst not lift her eyes to the bright eastern light
she could not see how peacefully the marble images of the dead lay on their
tombs for he was between her and all Light and Peace She knew that his look
was on her that he never turned his glance away She could not join in the
prayer for the remission of sins while he was there for his very presence
seemed as a sign that their stain would never be washed out of her life But
although goaded and chafed by her thoughts and recollections she kept very
still No sign of emotion no flush of colour was on her face as he looked at
her Elizabeth could not find her place and then Ruth breathed once long and
deeply as she moved up the pew and out of the straight burning glance of
those eyes of evil meaning When they sat down for the reading of the first
lesson Ruth turned the corner of the seat so as no longer to be opposite to
him She could not listen The words seemed to be uttered in some world far
away from which she was exiled and cast out their sound and yet more their
meaning was dim and distant But in this extreme tension of mind to hold in her
bewildered agony it so happened that one of her senses was preternaturally
acute While all the church and the people swam in misty haze one point in a
dark corner grew clearer and clearer till she saw what at another time she
could not have discerned at all a face a gargoyle I think they call it at
the end of the arch next to the narrowing of the nave into the chancel and in
the shadow of that contraction The face was beautiful in feature the next to
it was a grinning monkey but it was not the features that were the most
striking part There was a half mouth not in any way distorted out of its
exquisite beauty by the intense expression of suffering it conveyed Any
distortion of the face by mental agony implies that a struggle with circumstance
is going on But in this face if such struggle had been it was over now
Circumstance had conquered and there was no hope from mortal endeavour or help
from mortal creature to be had But the eyes looked onward and upward to the
hills from whence cometh our help And though the parted lips seemed ready to
quiver with agony yet the expression of the whole face owing to these strange
stony and yet spiritual eyes was high and consoling If mortal gaze had never
sought its meaning before in the deep shadow where it had been placed long
centuries ago yet Ruths did now Who could have imagined such a look Who
could have witnessed perhaps felt such infinite sorrow and yet dared to lift
it up by Faith into a peace so pure Or was it a mere conception If so what a
soul the unknown carver must have had for creator and handicraftsman must have
been one no two minds could have been in such perfect harmony Whatever it was
however it came there imaginer carver sufferer all were long passed away
Human art was ended human life done human suffering over but this remained
it stilled Ruths beating heart to look on it She grew still enough to hear
words which have come to many in their time of need and awed them in the
presence of the extremest suffering that the hushed world had ever heard of
The second lesson for the morning of the 25th of September is the 26th
chapter of St Matthews Gospel
And when they prayed again Ruths tongue was unloosed and she also could
pray in His name who underwent the agony in the garden
As they came out of church there was a little pause and gathering at the
door It had begun to rain those who had umbrellas were putting them up those
who had not were regretting and wondering how long it would last Standing for
a moment impeded by the people who were thus collected under the porch Ruth
heard a voice close to her say very low but very distinctly
»I have much to say to you much to explain I entreat you to give me the
opportunity«
Ruth did not reply She would not acknowledge that she heard but she
trembled nevertheless for the wellremembered voice was low and soft and had
yet its power to thrill She earnestly desired to know why and how he had left
her It appeared to her as if that knowledge could alone give her a relief from
the restless wondering that distracted her mind and that one explanation could
do no harm
»No« the higher spirit made answer »it must not be«
Ruth and the girls had each an umbrella She turned to Mary and said
»Mary give your umbrella to Mr Donne and come under mine« Her way of
speaking was short and decided she was compressing her meaning into as few
words as possible The little girl obeyed in silence As they went first through
the churchyard stile Mr Donne spoke again
»You are unforgiving« said he »I only ask you to hear me I have a right
to be heard Ruth I wont believe you are so much changed as not to listen to
me when I entreat«
He spoke in a tone of soft complaint But he himself had done much to
destroy the illusion which had hung about his memory for years whenever Ruth
had allowed herself to think of it Besides which during the time of her
residence in the Benson family her feeling of what people ought to be had been
unconsciously raised and refined and Mr Donne even while she had to struggle
against the force of past recollections repelled her so much by what he was at
present that every speech of his every minute they were together served to
make her path more and more easy to follow His voice retained something of its
former influence When he spoke without her seeing him she could not help
remembering former days
She did not answer this last speech any more than the first She saw
clearly that putting aside all thought as to the character of their former
relationship it had been dissolved by his will his act and deed and that
therefore the power to refuse any further intercourse whatsoever remained with
her
It sometimes seems a little strange how after having earnestly prayed to be
delivered from temptation and having given ourselves with shut eyes into Gods
hand from that time every thought every outward influence every acknowledged
law of life seems to lead us on from strength to strength It seems strange
sometimes because we notice the coincidence but it is the natural unavoidable
consequence of all truth and goodness being one and the same and therefore
carried out in every circumstance external and internal of Gods creation
When Mr Donne saw that Ruth would not answer him he became only the more
determined that she should hear what he had to say What that was he did not
exactly know The whole affair was most mysterious and piquant
The umbrella protected Ruth from more than the rain on that walk homewards
for under its shelter she could not be spoken to unheard She had not rightly
understood at what time she and the girls were to dine From the gathering at
mealtimes she must not shrink She must show no sign of weakness But oh the
relief after that walk to sit in her own room locked up so that neither Mary
nor Elizabeth could come by surprise and to let her weary frame weary with
being so long braced up to rigidity and stiff quiet fall into a chair anyhow
all helpless nerveless motionless as if the very bones had melted out of her
The peaceful rest which her mind took was in thinking of Leonard She dared
not look before or behind but she could see him well at present She brooded
over the thought of him till she dreaded his father more and more By the light
of her childs purity and innocence she saw evil clearly and yet more clearly
She thought that if Leonard ever came to know the nature of his birth she had
nothing for it but to die out of his sight He could never know human heart
could never know her ignorant innocence and all the small circumstances which
had impelled her onwards But God knew And if Leonard heard of his mothers
error why nothing remained but death for she felt then as if she had it in
her power to die innocently out of such future agony but that escape is not so
easy Suddenly a fresh thought came and she prayed that through whatever
suffering she might be purified Whatever trials woes measureless pangs God
might see fit to chastise her with she would not shrink if only at last she
might come into His presence in heaven Alas the shrinking from suffering we
cannot help That part of her prayer was vain And as for the rest was not the
sure justice of His law finding out even now His laws once broken His justice
and the very nature of those laws bring the immutable retribution but if we
turn penitently to Him He enables us to bear our punishment with a meek and
docile heart for His mercy endureth for ever
Mr Bradshaw had felt himself rather wanting in proper attention to his
guest inasmuch as he had been unable all in a minute to comprehend Mr
Donnes rapid change of purpose and before it had entered into his mind that
notwithstanding the distance of the church Mr Donne was going thither that
gentleman was out of the sight and far out of the reach of his burly host But
though the latter had so far neglected the duties of hospitality as to allow his
visitor to sit in the Eagles Crag pew with no other guard of honour than the
children and the governess Mr Bradshaw determined to make up for it by extra
attention during the remainder of the day Accordingly he never left Mr Donne
Whatever wish that gentleman expressed it was the study of his host to gratify
Did he hint at the pleasure which a walk in such beautiful scenery would give
him Mr Bradshaw was willing to accompany him although at Eccleston it was a
principle with him not to take any walks for pleasure on a Sunday When Mr
Donne turned round and recollected letters which must be written and which
would compel him to stay at home Mr Bradshaw instantly gave up the walk and
remained at hand ready to furnish him with any writingmaterials which could be
wanted and which were not laid out in the halffurnished house Nobody knew
where Mr Hickson was all this time He had sauntered out after Mr Donne when
the latter set off for church and he had never returned Mr Donne kept
wondering if he could have met Ruth if in fact she had gone out with her
pupils now that the afternoon had cleared up This uneasy wonder and a few
mental imprecations on his hosts polite attention together with the
letterwriting pretence passed away the afternoon the longest afternoon he
had ever spent and of weariness he had had his share Lunch was lingering in
the diningroom left there for the truant Mr Hickson but of the children or
Ruth there was no sign He ventured on a distant inquiry as to their
whereabouts
»They dine early they are gone to church again Mrs Denbigh was a member
of the Establishment once and though she attends chapel at home she seems
glad to have an opportunity of going to church«
Mr Donne was on the point of asking some further questions about Mrs
Denbigh when Mr Hickson came in loudspoken cheerful hungry and as ready
to talk about his ramble and the way in which he had lost and found himself as
he was about everything else He knew how to dress up the commonest occurrence
with a little exaggeration a few puns and a happy quotation or two so as to
make it sound very agreeable He could read faces and saw that he had been
missed both host and visitor looked moped to death He determined to devote
himself to their amusement during the remainder of the day for he had really
lost himself and felt that he had been away too long on a dull Sunday when
people were apt to get hipped if not well amused
»It is really a shame to be indoors in such a place Rain Yes it rained
some hours ago but now it is splendid weather I feel myself quite qualified
for guide I assure you I can show you all the beauties of the neighbourhood
and throw in a bog and a nest of vipers to boot«
Mr Donne languidly assented to this proposal of going out and then he
became restless until Mr Hickson had eaten a hasty lunch for he hoped to meet
Ruth on the way from church to be near her and watch her though he might not
be able to speak to her To have the slow hours roll away to know he must
leave the next day and yet so close to her not to be seeing her was more
than he could bear In an impetuous kind of way he disregarded all Mr
Hicksons offers of guidance to lovely views and turned a deaf ear to Mr
Bradshaws expressed wish of showing him the land belonging to the house very
little for fourteen thousand pounds and set off wilfully on the road leading
to the church from which he averred he had seen a view which nothing else about
the place could equal
They met the country people dropping homewards No Ruth was there She and
her pupils had returned by the fieldway as Mr Bradshaw informed his guests at
dinnertime Mr Donne was very captious all through dinner He thought it never
would be over and cursed Hicksons interminable stories which were told on
purpose to amuse him His heart gave a fierce bound when he saw her in the
drawingroom with the little girls
She was reading to them with how sick and trembling a heart no words can
tell But she could master and keep down outward signs of her emotion An hour
more tonight part of which was to be spent in family prayer and all in the
safety of company another hour in the morning when all would be engaged in
the bustle of departure if during this short space of time she could not
avoid speaking to him she could at least keep him at such a distance as to make
him feel that henceforward her world and his belonged to separate systems wide
as the heavens apart
By degrees she felt that he was drawing near to where she stood He was by
the table examining the books that lay upon it Mary and Elizabeth drew off a
little space awestricken by the future member for Eccleston As he bent his
head over a book he said »I implore you five minutes alone«
The little girls could not hear but Ruth hemmed in so that no escape was
possible did hear
She took sudden courage and said in a clear voice
»Will you read the whole passage aloud I do not remember it«
Mr Hickson hovering at no great distance heard these words and drew near
to second Mrs Denbighs request Mr Bradshaw who was very sleepy after his
unusually late dinner and longing for bedtime joined in the request for it
would save the necessity for making talk and he might perhaps get in a nap
undisturbed and unnoticed before the servants came in to prayers
Mr Donne was caught he was obliged to read aloud although he did not know
what he was reading In the middle of some sentence the door opened a rush of
servants came in and Mr Bradshaw became particularly wide awake in an instant
and read them a long sermon with great emphasis and unction winding up with a
prayer almost as long
Ruth sat with her head drooping more from exhaustion after a season of
effort than because she shunned Mr Donnes looks He had so lost his power over
her his power which had stirred her so deeply the night before that except
as one knowing her error and her shame and making a cruel use of such
knowledge she had quite separated him from the idol of her youth And yet for
the sake of that first and only love she would gladly have known what
explanation he could offer to account for leaving her It would have been
something gained to her own selfrespect if she had learnt that he was not then
as she felt him to be now cold and egotistical caring for no one and nothing
but what related to himself
Home and Leonard how strangely peaceful the two seemed Oh for the rest
that a dream about Leonard would bring
Mary and Elizabeth went to bed immediately after prayers and Ruth
accompanied them It was planned that the gentlemen should leave early the next
morning They were to breakfast halfanhour sooner to catch the railwaytrain
and this by Mr Donnes own arrangement who had been as eager about his
canvassing the week before as it was possible for him to be but who now
wished Eccleston and the Dissenting interest therein very fervently at the
devil
Just as the carriage came round Mr Bradshaw turned to Ruth »Any message
for Leonard beyond love which is a matter of course«
Ruth gasped for she saw Mr Donne catch at the name she did not guess the
sudden sharp jealousy called out by the idea that Leonard was a grownup man
»Who is Leonard« said he to the little girl standing by him he did not
know which she was
»Mrs Denbighs little boy« answered Mary
Under some pretence or other he drew near to Ruth and in that low voice
which she had learnt to loathe he said
»Our child«
By the white misery that turned her face to stone by the wild terror in
her imploring eyes by the gasping breath which came out as the carriage drove
away he knew that he had seized the spell to make her listen at last
Chapter XXIV
The Meeting on the Sands
»He will take him away from me He will take the child from me«
These words rang like a tolling bell through Ruths head It seemed to her
that her doom was certain Leonard would be taken from her She had a firm
conviction not the less firm because she knew not on what it was based that
a child whether legitimate or not belonged of legal right to the father And
Leonard of all children was the prince and monarch Every mans heart would
long to call Leonard Child She had been too strongly taxed to have much power
left her to reason coolly and dispassionately just then even if she had been
with any one who could furnish her with information from which to draw correct
conclusions The one thought haunted her night and day »He will take my child
away from me« In her dreams she saw Leonard borne away into some dim land to
which she could not follow Sometimes he sat in a swiftlymoving carriage at
his fathers side and smiled on her as he passed by as if going to promised
pleasure At another time he was struggling to return to her stretching out his
little arms and crying to her for the help she could not give How she got
through the days she did not know her body moved about and habitually acted
but her spirit was with her child She thought often of writing and warning Mr
Benson of Leonards danger but then she shrank from recurring to circumstances
all mention of which had ceased years ago the very recollection of which seemed
buried deep for ever Besides she feared occasioning discord or commotion in
the quiet circle in which she lived Mr Bensons deep anger against her
betrayer had been shown too clearly in the old time to allow her to think that
he would keep it down without expression now He would cease to do anything to
forward his election he would oppose him as much as he could and Mr Bradshaw
would be angry and a storm would arise from the bare thought of which Ruth
shrank with the cowardliness of a person thoroughly worn out with late contest
She was bodily wearied with her spiritual buffeting
One morning three or four days after their departure she received a letter
from Miss Benson She could not open it at first and put it on one side
clenching her hands over it all the time At last she tore it open Leonard was
safe as yet There were a few lines in his great round hand speaking of events
no larger than the loss of a beautiful alley There was a sheet from Miss
Benson She always wrote letters in the manner of a diary »Monday we did
soandso Tuesday soandso etc« Ruth glanced rapidly down the pages Yes
here it was Sick fluttering heart be still
»In the middle of the damsons when they were just on the fire there was a
knock at the door My brother was out and Sally was washing up and I was
stirring the preserve with my great apron and bib on so I bade Leonard come in
from the garden and open the door But I would have washed his face first if I
had known who it was It was Mr Bradshaw and the Mr Donne that they hope to
send up to the House of Commons as member of Parliament for Eccleston and
another gentleman whose name I never heard They had come canvassing and when
they found my brother was out they asked Leonard if they could see me The
child said Yes if I could leave the damsons and straightway came to call me
leaving them standing in the passage I whipped off my apron and took Leonard
by the hand for I fancied I should feel less awkward if he was with me and
then I went and asked them all into the study for I thought I should like them
to see how many books Thurstan had got Then they began talking politics at me
in a very polite manner only I could not make head or tail of what they meant
and Mr Donne took a deal of notice of Leonard and called him to him and I am
sure he noticed what a noble handsome boy he was though his face was very
brown and red and hot with digging and his curls all tangled Leonard talked
back as if he had known him all his life till I think Mr Bradshaw thought he
was making too much noise and bid him remember he ought to be seen not heard
So he stood as still and stiff as a soldier close to Mr Donne and as I could
not help looking at the two and thinking how handsome they both were in their
different ways I could not tell Thurstan half the messages the gentlemen left
for him But there was one thing more I must tell you though I said I would
not When Mr Donne was talking to Leonard he took off his watch and chain and
put it round the boys neck who was pleased enough you may be sure I bade him
give it back to the gentleman when they were all going away and I was quite
surprised and very uncomfortable when Mr Donne said he had given it to
Leonard and that he was to keep it for his own I could see Mr Bradshaw was
annoyed and he and the other gentleman spoke to Mr Donne and I heard them
say too barefaced and I shall never forget Mr Donnes proud stubborn look
back at them nor his way of saying I allow no one to interfere with what I
choose to do with my own And he looked so haughty and displeased I durst say
nothing at the time But when I told Thurstan he was very grieved and angry
and said he had heard that our party were bribing but that he never could have
thought they would have tried to do it at his house Thurstan is very much out
of spirits about this election altogether and indeed it does make sad work up
and down the town However he sent back the watch with a letter to Mr
Bradshaw and Leonard was very good about it so I gave him a taste of the new
damsonpreserve on his bread for supper«
Although a stranger might have considered this letter wearisome from the
multiplicity of the details Ruth craved greedily after more What had Mr Donne
said to Leonard Had Leonard liked his new acquaintance Were they likely to
meet again After wondering and wondering over these points Ruth composed
herself by the hope that in a day or two she should hear again and to secure
this end she answered the letters by return of post That was on Thursday On
Friday she had another letter in a strange hand It was from Mr Donne No
name no initials were given If it had fallen into another persons hands they
could not have recognised the writer nor guessed to whom it was sent It
contained simply these words
»For our childs sake and in his name I summon you to appoint a place
where I can speak and you can listen undisturbed The time must be on Sunday
the limit of distance may be the circumference of your power of walking My
words may be commands but my fond heart entreats More I shall not say now
but remember your boys welfare depends on your acceding to this request
Address BD PostOffice Eccleston«
Ruth did not attempt to answer this letter till the last five minutes before
the post went out She could not decide until forced to it Either way she
dreaded She was very nearly leaving the letter altogether unanswered But
suddenly she resolved she would know all the best the worst No cowardly dread
of herself or of others should make her neglect aught that came to her in her
childs name She took up a pen and wrote
»The sands below the rocks where we met you the other night Time
afternoon church«
Sunday came
»I shall not go to church this afternoon You know the way of course and I
trust you to go steadily by yourselves«
When they came to kiss her before leaving her according to their fond wont
they were struck by the coldness of her face and lips
»Are you not well dear Mrs Denbigh How cold you are«
»Yes darling I am well« and tears sprang into her eyes as she looked at
their anxious little faces »Go now dears Five oclock will soon be here and
then we will have tea«
»And that will warm you« said they leaving the room
»And then it will be over« she murmured »over«
It never came into her head to watch the girls as they disappeared down the
lane on their way to church She knew them too well to distrust their doing what
they were told She sat still her head bowed on her arms for a few minutes and
then rose up and went to put on her walking things Some thoughts impelled her
to sudden haste She crossed the field by the side of the house ran down the
steep and rocky path and was carried by the impetus of her descent far out on
the level sands but not far enough for her intent Without looking to the
right hand or to the left where comers might be seen she went forwards to the
black posts which rising above the heaving waters marked where the
fishermens nets were laid She went straight towards this place and hardly
stinted her pace even where the wet sands were glittering with the receding
waves Once there she turned round and in a darting glance saw that as yet
no one was near She was perhaps halfamile or more from the grey silvery
rocks which sloped away into brown moorland interspersed with a field here
and there of golden waving corn Behind were purple hills with sharp clear
outlines touching the sky A little on one side from where she stood she saw
the white cottages and houses which formed the village of Abermouth scattered
up and down and on a windy hill about a mile inland she saw the little grey
church where even now many were worshipping in peace
»Pray for me« she sighed out as this object caught her eye
And now close under the heathery fields where they fell softly down and
touched the sands she saw a figure moving in the direction of the great shadow
made by the rocks going towards the very point where the path from Eagles
Crag came down to the shore
»It is he« said she to herself And she turned round and looked seaward
The tide had turned the waves were slowly receding as if loth to lose the hold
they had so lately and with such swift bounds gained on the yellow sands The
eternal moan they have made since the world began filled the ear broken only by
the skirl of the grey seabirds as they alighted in groups on the edge of the
waters or as they rose up with their measured balancing motion and the
sunlight caught their white breasts There was no sign of human life to be seen
no boat or distant sail or near shrimper The black posts there were all that
spoke of mens work or labour Beyond a stretch of the waters a few pale grey
hills showed like films their summits clear though faint their bases lost in
a vapoury mist
On the hard echoing sands and distinct from the ceaseless murmur of the
salt sea waves came footsteps nearer nearer Very near they were when Ruth
unwilling to show the fear that rioted in her heart turned round and faced Mr
Donne
He came forward with both hands extended
»This is kind my own Ruth« said he Ruths arms hung down motionless at
her sides
»What Ruth have you no word for me«
»I have nothing to say« said Ruth
»Why you little revengeful creature And so I am to explain all before you
will even treat me with decent civility«
»I do not want explanations« said Ruth in a trembling tone »We must not
speak of the past You asked me to come in Leonards in my childs name and
to hear what you had to say about him«
»But what I have to say about him relates to you even more And how can we
talk about him without recurring to the past That past which you try to ignore
I know you cannot do it in your heart is full of happy recollections to me
Were you not happy in Wales« he said in his tenderest tone
But there was no answer not even one faint sigh though he listened
intently
»You dare not speak you dare not answer me Your heart will not allow you
to prevaricate and you know you were happy«
Suddenly Ruths beautiful eyes were raised to him full of lucid splendour
but grave and serious in their expression and her cheeks heretofore so faintly
tinged with the tenderest blush flashed into a ruddy glow
»I was happy I do not deny it Whatever comes I will not blench from the
truth I have answered you«
»And yet« replied he secretly exulting in her admission and not
perceiving the inner strength of which she must have been conscious before she
would have dared to make it »and yet Ruth we are not to recur to the past
Why not If it was happy at the time is the recollection of it so miserable to
you«
He tried once more to take her hand but she quietly stepped back
»I came to hear what you had to say about my child« said she beginning to
feel very weary
»Our child Ruth«
She drew herself up and her face went very pale
»What have you to say about him« asked she coldly
»Much« exclaimed he »much that may affect his whole life But it all
depends upon whether you will hear me or not«
»I listen«
»Good heavens Ruth you will drive me mad Oh what a changed person you
are from the sweet loving creature you were I wish you were not so beautiful«
She did not reply but he caught a deep involuntary sigh
»Will you hear me if I speak though I may not begin all at once to talk of
this boy a boy of whom any mother any parent might be proud I could see
that Ruth I have seen him he looked like a prince in that cramped miserable
house and with no earthly advantages It is a shame he should not have every
kind of opportunity laid open before him«
There was no sign of maternal ambition on the motionless face though there
might be some little spring in her heart as it beat quick and strong at the
idea of the proposal she imagined he was going to make of taking her boy away to
give him the careful education she had often craved for him She should refuse
it as she would everything else which seemed to imply that she acknowledged a
claim over Leonard but yet sometimes for her boys sake she had longed for a
larger opening a more extended sphere
»Ruth you acknowledge we were happy once there were circumstances which
if I could tell you them all in detail would show you how in my weak
convalescent state I was almost passive in the hands of others Ah Ruth I
have not forgotten the tender nurse who soothed me in my delirium When I am
feverish I dream that I am again at Llandhu in the little old bedchamber and
you in white which you always wore then you know flitting about me«
The tears dropped large and round from Ruths eyes she could not help it
how could she
»We were happy then« continued he gaining confidence from the sight of her
melted mood and recurring once more to the admission which he considered so
much in his favour »Can such happiness never return« Thus he went on quickly
anxious to lay before her all he had to offer before she should fully
understand his meaning
»If you would consent Leonard should be always with you educated where
and how you liked money to any amount you might choose to name should be
secured to you and him if only Ruth if only those happy days might return«
Ruth spoke
»I said that I was happy because I had asked God to protect and help me
and I dared not tell a lie I was happy Oh what is happiness or misery that we
should talk about them now«
Mr Donne looked at her as she uttered these words to see if she was
wandering in her mind they seemed to him so utterly strange and incoherent
»I dare not think of happiness I must not look forward to sorrow God did
not put me here to consider either of these things«
»My dear Ruth compose yourself There is no hurry in answering the question
I asked«
»What was it« said Ruth
»I love you so I cannot live without you I offer you my heart my life I
offer to place Leonard wherever you would have him placed I have the power and
the means to advance him in any path of life you choose All who have shown
kindness to you shall be rewarded by me with a gratitude even surpassing your
own If there is anything else I can do that you can suggest I will do it«
»Listen to me« said Ruth now that the idea of what he proposed had entered
her mind »When I said that I was happy with you long ago I was choked with
shame as I said it And yet it may be a vain false excuse that I make for
myself I was very young I did not know how such a life was against Gods pure
and holy will at least not as I know it now and I tell you the truth all
the days of my years since I have gone about with a stain on my hidden soul a
stain which made me loathe myself and envy those who stood spotless and
undefiled which made me shrink from my child from Mr Benson from his
sister from the innocent girls whom I teach nay even I have cowered away
from God Himself and what I did wrong then I did blindly to what I should do
now if I listened to you«
She was so strongly agitated that she put her hands over her face and
sobbed without restraint Then taking them away she looked at him with a
glowing face and beautiful honest wet eyes and tried to speak calmly as she
asked if she needed to stay longer she would have gone away at once but that
she thought of Leonard and wished to hear all that his father might have to
say He was so struck anew by her beauty and understood her so little that he
believed that she only required a little more urging to consent to what he
wished for in all she had said there was no trace of the anger and resentment
for his desertion of her which he had expected would be a prominent feature
the greatest obstacle he had to encounter The deep sense of penitence she
expressed he mistook for earthly shame which he imagined he could soon soothe
away
»Yes I have much more to say I have not said half I cannot tell you how
fondly I will how fondly I do love you how my life shall be spent in
ministering to your wishes Money I see I know you despise«
»Mr Bellingham I will not stay to hear you speak to me so again I have
been sinful but it is not you who should« She could not speak she was so
choking with passionate sorrow
He wanted to calm her as he saw her shaken with repressed sobs He put his
hand on her arm She shook it off impatiently and moved away in an instant
»Ruth« said he nettled by her action of repugnance »I begin to think you
never loved me«
»I I never loved you Do you dare to say so«
Her eyes flamed on him as she spoke Her red round lip curled into
beautiful contempt
»Why do you shrink so from me« said he in his turn getting impatient
»I did not come here to be spoken to in this way« said she »I came if by
any chance I could do Leonard good I would submit to many humiliations for his
sake but to no more from you«
»Are not you afraid to brave me so« said he »Dont you know how much you
are in my power«
She was silent She longed to go away but dreaded lest he should follow
her where she might be less subject to interruption than she was here near
the fishermans nets which the receding tide was leaving every moment barer and
more bare and the posts they were fastened to more blackly uprising above the
waters
Mr Donne put his hands on her arms as they hung down before her her hands
tightly clasped together
»Ask me to let you go« said he »I will if you will ask me« He looked
very fierce and passionate and determined The vehemence of his action took Ruth
by surprise and the painful tightness of the grasp almost made her exclaim But
she was quite still and mute
»Ask me« said he giving her a little shake She did not speak Her eyes
fixed on the distant shore were slowly filling with tears Suddenly a light
came through the mist that obscured them and the shut lips parted She saw some
distant object that gave her hope
»It is Stephen Bromley« said she »He is coming to his nets They say he is
a very desperate violent man but he will protect me«
»You obstinate wilful creature« said Mr Donne releasing his grasp »You
forget that one word of mine could undeceive all these good people at Eccleston
and that if I spoke out ever so little they would throw you off in an instant
Now« he continued »do you understand how much you are in my power«
»Mr and Miss Benson know all they have not thrown me off« Ruth gasped
out »Oh for Leonards sake you would not be so cruel«
»Then do not be cruel to him to me Think once more«
»I think once more« She spoke solemnly »To save Leonard from the shame and
agony of knowing my disgrace I would lay down and die Oh perhaps it would be
best for him for me if I might my death would be a stingless grief but to
go back into sin would be the real cruelty to him The errors of my youth may be
washed away by my tears it was so once when the gentle blessed Christ was
upon earth but now if I went into wilful guilt as you would have me how
could I teach Leonard Gods holy will I should not mind his knowing my past
sin compared to the awful corruption it would be if he knew me living now as
you would have me lost to all fear of God« Her speech was broken by sobs
»Whatever may be my doom God is just I leave myself in His hands I will
save Leonard from evil Evil would it be for him if I lived with you I will let
him die first« She lifted her eyes to heaven and clasped and wreathed her
hands together tight Then she said »You have humbled me enough sir I shall
leave you now«
She turned away resolutely The dark grey fisherman was at hand Mr Donne
folded his arms and set his teeth and looked after her
»What a stately step she has How majestic and graceful all her attitudes
were She thinks she has baffled me now We will try something more and bid a
higher price« He unfolded his arms and began to follow her He gained upon
her for her beautiful walk was now wavering and unsteady The works which had
kept her in motion were running down fast
»Ruth« said he overtaking her »You shall hear me once more Ay look
round Your fisherman is near He may hear me if he chooses hear your
triumph I am come to offer to marry you Ruth come what may I will have you
Nay I will make you hear me I will hold this hand till you have heard me
Tomorrow I will speak to any one in Eccleston you like to Mr Bradshaw Mr
the little minister I mean We can make it worth while for him to keep our
secret and no one else need know but what you are really Mrs Denbigh Leonard
shall still bear this name but in all things else he shall be treated as my
son He and you would grace any situation I will take care the highest paths
are open to him«
He looked to see the lovely face brighten into sudden joy on the contrary
the head was still hung down with a heavy droop
»I cannot« said she her voice was very faint and low
»It is sudden for you my dearest But be calm It will all be easily
managed Leave it to me«
»I cannot« repeated she more distinct and clear though still very low
»Why what on earth makes you say that« asked he in a mood to be irritated
by any repetition of such words
»I do not love you I did once Dont say I did not love you then but I do
not now I could never love you again All you have said and done since you came
with Mr Bradshaw to Abermouth first has only made me wonder how I ever could
have loved you We are very far apart The time that has pressed down my life
like brands of hot iron and scarred me for ever has been nothing to you You
have talked of it with no sound of moaning in your voice no shadow over the
brightness of your face it has left no sense of sin on your conscience while
me it haunts and haunts and yet I might plead that I was an ignorant child
only I will not plead anything for God knows all But this is only one piece
of our great difference«
»You mean that I am no saint« he said impatient at her speech »Granted
But people who are no saints have made very good husbands before now Come
dont let any morbid overstrained conscientiousness interfere with substantial
happiness both to you and to me for I am sure I can make you happy ay and
make you love me too in spite of your pretty defiance I love you so dearly I
must win love back And here are advantages for Leonard to be gained by you
quite in a holy and legitimate way«
She stood very erect
»If there was one thing needed to confirm me you have named it You shall
have nothing to do with my boy by my consent much less by my agency I would
rather see him working on the roadside than leading such a life being such a
one as you are You have heard my mind now Mr Bellingham You have humbled me
you have baited me and if at last I have spoken out too harshly and too much
in a spirit of judgment the fault is yours If there were no other reason to
prevent our marriage but the one fact that it would bring Leonard into contact
with you that would be enough«
»It is enough« said he making her a low bow »Neither you nor your child
shall ever more be annoyed by me I wish you a good evening«
They walked apart he back to the inn to set off instantly while the
blood was hot within him from the place where he had been so mortified she to
steady herself along till she reached the little path more like a rude
staircase than anything else by which she had to climb to the house
She did not turn round for some time after she was fairly lost to the sight
of any one on the shore she clambered on almost stunned by the rapid beating
of her heart Her eyes were hot and dry and at last became as if she were
suddenly blind Unable to go on she tottered into the tangled underwood which
grew among the stones filling every niche and crevice and little shelving
space with green and delicate tracery She sank down behind a great overhanging
rock which hid her from any one coming up the path An ashtree was rooted in
this rock slanting away from the seabreezes that were prevalent in most
weathers but this was a still autumnal Sabbath evening As Ruths limbs fell
so they lay She had no strength no power of volition to move a finger She
could not think or remember She was literally stunned The first sharp
sensation which roused her from her torpor was a quick desire to see him once
more up she sprang and climbed to an outjutting dizzy point of rock but a
little above her sheltered nook yet commanding a wide view over the bare naked
sands far away below touching the rippling waterline was Stephen Bromley
busily gathering in his nets besides him there was no living creature visible
Ruth shaded her eyes as if she thought they might have deceived her but no
there was no one there She went slowly down to her old place crying sadly as
she went
»Oh if I had not spoken so angrily to him the last things I said were so
bitter so reproachful and I shall never never see him again«
She could not take in a general view and scope of their conversation the
event was too near her for that but her heart felt sore at the echo of her last
words just and true as their severity was Her struggle her constant flowing
tears which fell from very weakness made her experience a sensation of intense
bodily fatigue and her soul had lost the power of throwing itself forward or
contemplating anything beyond the dreary present when the expanse of grey
wild bleak moors stretching wide away below a sunless sky seemed only an
outward sign of the waste world within her heart for which she could claim no
sympathy for she could not even define what its woes were and if she could
no one would understand how the present time was haunted by the terrible ghost
of the former love
»I am so weary I am so weary« she moaned aloud at last »I wonder if I
might stop here and just die away«
She shut her eyes until through the closed lids came a ruddy blaze of
light The clouds had parted away and the sun was going down in the crimson
glory behind the distant purple hills The whole western sky was one flame of
fire Ruth forgot herself in looking at the gorgeous sight She sat up gazing
and as she gazed the tears dried on her cheeks and somehow all human care
and sorrow were swallowed up in the unconscious sense of Gods infinity The
sunset calmed her more than any words however wise and tender could have done
It even seemed to give her strength and courage she did not know how or why
but so it was
She rose and went slowly towards home Her limbs were very stiff and every
now and then she had to choke down an unbidden sob Her pupils had been long
returned from church and had busied themselves in preparing tea an occupation
which had probably made them feel the time less long
If they had ever seen a sleepwalker they might have likened Ruth to one
for the next few days so slow and measured did her movements seem so far away
was her intelligence from all that was passing around her so hushed and
strange were the tones of her voice They had letters from home announcing the
triumphant return of Mr Donne as MP for Eccleston Mrs Denbigh heard the
news without a word and was too languid to join in the search after purple and
yellow flowers with which to deck the sittingroom at Eagles Crag
A letter from Jemima came the next day summoning them home Mr Donne and
his friends had left the place and quiet was restored in the Bradshaw
household so it was time that Mary and Elizabeths holiday should cease Mrs
Denbigh had also a letter a letter from Miss Benson saying that Leonard was
not quite well There was so much pains taken to disguise anxiety that it was
very evident much anxiety was felt and the girls were almost alarmed by Ruths
sudden change from taciturn languor to eager vehement energy Body and mind
seemed strained to exertion Every plan that could facilitate packing and
winding up affairs at Abermouth every errand and arrangement that could
expedite their departure by one minute was done by Ruth with stern promptitude
She spared herself in nothing She made them rest made them lie down while she
herself lifted weights and transacted business with feverish power never
resting and trying never to have time to think
For in remembrance of the Past there was Remorse how had she forgotten
Leonard these last few days how had she repined and been dull of heart to her
blessing And in anticipation of the future there was one sharp point of red
light in the darkness which pierced her brain with agony and which she would
not see or recognise and saw and recognised all the more for such mad
determination which is not the true shield against the bitterness of the
arrows of death
When the seaside party arrived in Eccleston they were met by Mrs and Miss
Bradshaw and Mr Benson By a firm resolution Ruth kept from shaping the
question »Is he alive« as if by giving shape to her fears she made their
realisation more imminent She said merely »How is he« but she said it with
drawn tight bloodless lips and in her eyes Mr Benson read her anguish of
anxiety
»He is very ill but we hope he will soon be better It is what every child
has to go through«
Chapter XXV
Jemima Makes a Discovery
Mr Bradshaw had been successful in carrying his point His member had been
returned his proud opponents mortified So the public thought he ought to be
well pleased but the public were disappointed to see that he did not show any
of the gratification they supposed him to feel
The truth was that he met with so many small mortifications during the
progress of the election that the pleasure which he would otherwise have felt
in the final success of his scheme was much diminished
He had more than tacitly sanctioned bribery and now that the excitement was
over he regretted it not entirely from conscientious motives though he was
uneasy from the slight sense of wrongdoing but he was more pained after all
to think that in the eyes of some of his townsmen his hitherto spotless
character had received a blemish He who had been so stern and severe a censor
on the undue influence exercised by the opposite party in all preceding
elections could not expect to be spared by their adherents now when there were
rumours that the hands of the scrupulous Dissenters were not clean Before it
had been his boast that neither friend nor enemy could say one word against him
now he was constantly afraid of an indictment for bribery and of being
compelled to appear before a committee to swear to his own share in the
business
His uneasy fearful consciousness made him stricter and sterner than ever
as if he would quench all wondering slanderous talk about him in the town by a
renewed austerity of uprightness that the slackprincipled Mr Bradshaw of one
month of ferment and excitement might not be confounded with the highly
conscientious and deeply religious Mr Bradshaw who went to chapel twice a day
and gave a hundred pounds apiece to every charity in the town as a sort of
thankoffering that his end was gained
But he was secretly dissatisfied with Mr Donne In general that gentleman
had been rather too willing to act in accordance with any ones advice no
matter whose as if he had thought it too much trouble to weigh the wisdom of
his friends in which case Mr Bradshaws would have doubtless proved the most
valuable But now and then he unexpectedly and utterly without reason took the
conduct of affairs into his own hands as when he had been absent without leave
only just before the day of nomination No one guessed whither he had gone but
the fact of his being gone was enough to chagrin Mr Bradshaw who was quite
ready to have picked a quarrel on this very head if the election had not
terminated favourably As it was he had a feeling of proprietorship in Mr
Donne which was not disagreeable He had given the new MP his seat his
resolution his promptitude his energy had made Mr Donne our member and Mr
Bradshaw began to feel proud of him accordingly But there had been no one
circumstance during this period to bind Jemima and Mr Farquhar together They
were still misunderstanding each other with all their power The difference in
the result was this Jemima loved him all the more in spite of quarrels and
coolness He was growing utterly weary of the petulant temper of which he was
never certain of the reception which varied day after day according to the
mood she was in and the thoughts that were uppermost and he was almost startled
to find how very glad he was that the little girls and Mrs Denbigh were coming
home His was a character to bask in peace and lovely quiet Ruth with her low
tones and soft replies her delicate waving movements appeared to him the very
type of what a woman should be a calm serene soul fashioning the body to
angelic grace
It was therefore with no slight interest that Mr Farquhar inquired daily
after the health of little Leonard He asked at the Bensons house and Sally
answered him with swollen and tearful eyes that the child was very bad very
bad indeed He asked at the doctors and the doctor told him in a few short
words that »it was only a bad kind of measles and that the lad might have a
struggle for it but he thought he would get through Vigorous children carried
their force into everything never did things by halves if they were ill they
were sure to be in a high fever directly if they were well there was no peace
in the house for their rioting For his part« continued the doctor »he thought
he was glad he had had no children as far as he could judge they were pretty
much all plague and no profit« But as he ended his speech he sighed and Mr
Farquhar was none the less convinced that common report was true which
represented the clever prosperous surgeon of Eccleston as bitterly disappointed
at his failure of offspring
While these various interests and feelings had their course outside the
Chapelhouse within there was but one thought which possessed all the inmates
When Sally was not cooking for the little invalid she was crying for she had
had a dream about green rushes not three months ago which by some queer
process of oneiromancy she interpreted to mean the death of a child and all
Miss Bensons endeavours were directed to making her keep silence to Ruth about
this dream Sally thought that the mother ought to be told What were dreams
sent for but for warnings But it was just like a pack of Dissenters who would
not believe anything like other folks Miss Benson was too much accustomed to
Sallys contempt for Dissenters as viewed from the pinnacle of the
Establishment to pay much attention to all this grumbling especially as Sally
was willing to take as much trouble about Leonard as if she believed he was
going to live and that his recovery depended upon her care Miss Bensons great
object was to keep her from having any confidential talks with Ruth as if any
repetition of the dream could have deepened the conviction in Ruths mind that
the child would die
It seemed to her that his death would only be the fitting punishment for the
state of indifference towards him towards life and death towards all things
earthly or divine into which she had suffered herself to fall since her last
interview with Mr Donne She did not understand that such exhaustion is but the
natural consequence of violent agitation and severe tension of feeling The only
relief she experienced was in constantly serving Leonard she had almost an
animals jealousy lest any one should come between her and her young Mr Benson
saw this jealous suspicion although he could hardly understand it but he
calmed his sisters wonder and officious kindness so that the two patiently and
quietly provided all that Ruth might want but did not interfere with her right
to nurse Leonard But when he was recovering Mr Benson with the slight tone
of authority he knew how to assume when need was bade Ruth lie down and take
some rest while his sister watched Ruth did not answer but obeyed in a dull
weary kind of surprise at being so commanded She lay down by her child gazing
her fill at his calm slumber and as she gazed her large white eyelids were
softly pressed down as with a gentle irresistible weight and she fell asleep
She dreamed that she was once more on the lonely shore striving to carry
away Leonard from some pursuer some human pursuer she knew he was human and
she knew who he was although she dared not say his name even to herself he
seemed so close and present gaining on her flying footsteps rushing after her
as with the sound of the roaring tide Her feet seemed heavy weights fixed to
the ground they would not move All at once just near the shore a great black
whirlwind of waves clutched her back to her pursuer she threw Leonard on to
land which was safety but whether he reached it or no or was swept back like
her into a mysterious something too dreadful to be borne she did not know for
the terror awakened her At first the dream seemed yet a reality and she
thought that the pursuer was couched even there in that very room and the
great boom of the sea was still in her ears But as full consciousness returned
she saw herself safe in the dear old room the haven of rest the shelter from
storms A bright fire was glowing in the little oldfashioned cupshaped grate
niched into a corner of the wall and guarded on either side by whitewashed
bricks which served for hobs On one of these the kettle hummed and buzzed
within two points of boiling whenever she or Leonard required tea In her dream
that homelike sound had been the roar of the relentless sea creeping swiftly
on to seize its prey Miss Benson sat by the fire motionless and still it was
too dark to read any longer without a candle but yet on the ceiling and upper
part of the walls the golden light of the setting sun was slowly moving so
slow and yet a motion gives the feeling of rest to the weary yet more than
perfect stillness The old clock on the staircase told its monotonous
clickclack in that soothing way which more marked the quiet of the house than
disturbed with any sense of sound Leonard still slept that renovating slumber
almost in her arms far from that fatal pursuing sea with its human form of
cruelty The dream was a vision the reality which prompted the dream was over
and past Leonard was safe she was safe all this loosened the frozen
springs and they gushed forth in her heart and her lips moved in accordance
with her thoughts
»What were you saying my darling« said Miss Benson who caught sight of
the motion and fancied she was asking for something Miss Benson bent over the
side of the bed on which Ruth lay to catch the low tones of her voice
»I only said« replied Ruth timidly »thank God I have so much to thank Him
for you dont know«
»My dear I am sure we have all of us cause to be thankful that our boy is
spared See he is wakening up and we will have a cup of tea together«
Leonard strode on to perfect health but he was made older in character and
looks by his severe illness He grew tall and thin and the lovely child was
lost in the handsome boy He began to wonder and to question Ruth mourned a
little over the vanished babyhood when she was all in all and over the
childhood whose petals had fallen away it seemed as though two of her children
were gone the one an infant the other a bright thoughtless darling and she
wished that they could have remained quick in her memory for ever instead of
being absorbed in loving pride for the present boy But these were only fanciful
regrets flitting like shadows across a mirror Peace and thankfulness were once
more the atmosphere of her mind nor was her unconsciousness disturbed by any
suspicion of Mr Farquhars increasing approbation and admiration which he was
diligently nursing up into love for her She knew that be had sent she did not
know how often he had brought fruit for the convalescent Leonard She heard
on her return from her daily employment that Mr Farquhar had bought a little
gentle pony on which Leonard weak as he was might ride To confess the truth
her maternal pride was such that she thought that all kindness shown to such a
boy as Leonard was but natural she believed him to be
»A child whom all that looked on loved«
As in truth he was and the proof of this was daily shown in many kind
inquiries and many thoughtful little offerings besides Mr Farquhars The
poor warm and kind of heart to all sorrow common to humanity were touched with
pity for the young widow whose only child lay ill and nigh unto death They
brought what they could a fresh egg when eggs were scarce a few ripe pears
that grew on the sunniest side of the humblest cottage where the fruit was
regarded as a source of income a call of inquiry and a prayer that God would
spare the child from an old crippled woman who could scarcely drag herself so
far as the Chapelhouse yet felt her worn and weary heart stirred with a sharp
pang of sympathy and a very present remembrance of the time when she too was
young and saw the lifebreath quiver out of her child now an angel in that
heaven which felt more like home to the desolate old creature than this empty
earth To all such when Leonard was better Ruth went and thanked them from
her heart She and the old cripple sat hand in hand over the scanty fire on the
hearth of the latter while she told in solemn broken homely words how her
child sickened and died Tears fell like rain down Ruths cheeks but those of
the old woman were dry All tears had been wept out of her long ago and now she
sat patient and quiet waiting for death But after this Ruth clave unto her
and the two were henceforward a pair of friends Mr Farquhar was only included
in the general gratitude which she felt towards all who had been kind to her
boy
The winter passed away in deep peace after the storms of the autumn yet
every now and then a feeling of insecurity made Ruth shake for an instant Those
wild autumnal storms had torn aside the quiet flowers and herbage that had
gathered over the wreck of her early life and shown her that all deeds however
hidden and long passed by have their eternal consequences She turned sick and
faint whenever Mr Donnes name was casually mentioned No one saw it but she
felt the miserable stop in her hearts beating and wished that she could
prevent it by any exercise of selfcommand She had never named his identity
with Mr Bellingham nor had she spoken about the seaside interview Deep shame
made her silent and reserved on all her life before Leonards birth from that
time she rose again in her selfrespect and spoke as openly as a child when
need was of all occurrences which had taken place since then except that she
could not and would not tell of this mocking echo this haunting phantom this
past that would not rest in its grave The very circumstance that it was
stalking abroad in the world and might reappear at any moment made her a
coward she trembled away from contemplating what the reality had been only
she clung more faithfully than before to the thought of the great God who was a
rock in the dreary land where no shadow was
Autumn and winter with their lowering skies were less dreary than the
woeful desolate feelings that shed a gloom on Jemima She found too late that
she had considered Mr Farquhar so securely her own for so long a time that her
heart refused to recognize him as lost to her unless her reason went through
the same weary convincing miserable evidence day after day and hour after
hour He never spoke to her now except from common civility He never cared for
her contradictions he never tried with patient perseverance to bring her over
to his opinions he never used the wonted wiles so tenderly remembered now they
had no existence but in memory to bring her round out of some wilful mood and
such moods were common enough now Frequently she was sullenly indifferent to
the feelings of others not from any unkindness but because her heart seemed
numb and stony and incapable of sympathy Then afterwards her selfreproach was
terrible in the dead of night when no one saw it With a strange perversity
the only intelligence she cared to hear the only sights she cared to see were
the circumstances which gave confirmation to the idea that Mr Farquhar was
thinking of Ruth for a wife She craved with stinging curiosity to hear
something of their affairs every day partly because the torture which such
intelligence gave was almost a relief from the deadness of her heart to all
other interests
And so spring gioventù dellanno came back to her bringing all the
contrasts which spring alone can bring to add to the heaviness of the soul The
little winged creatures filled the air with bursts of joy the vegetation came
bright and hopefully onwards without any check of nipping frost The ashtrees
in the Bradshaws garden were out in leaf by the middle of May which that year
wore more the aspect of summer than most Junes do The sunny weather mocked
Jemima and the unusual warmth oppressed her physical powers She felt very weak
and languid she was acutely sensible that no one else noticed her want of
strength father mother all seemed too full of other things to care if as
she believed her life was waning She herself felt glad that it was so But her
delicacy was not unnoticed by all Her mother often anxiously asked her husband
if he did not think Jemima was looking ill nor did his affirmation to the
contrary satisfy her as most of his affirmations did She thought every
morning before she got up how she could tempt Jemima to eat by ordering some
favourite dainty for dinner in many other little ways she tried to minister to
her child but the poor girls own abrupt irritability of temper had made her
mother afraid of openly speaking to her about her health
Ruth too saw that Jemima was not looking well How she had become an
object of dislike to her former friend she did not know but she was sensible
that Miss Bradshaw disliked her now She was not aware that this feeling was
growing and strengthening almost into repugnance for she seldom saw Jemima out
of schoolhours and then only for a minute or two But the evil element of a
fellowcreatures dislike oppressed the atmosphere of her life That
fellowcreature was one who had once loved her so fondly and whom she still
loved although she had learnt to fear her as we fear those whose faces cloud
over when we come in sight who cast unloving glances at us of which we
though not seeing are conscious as of some occult influence and the cause of
whose dislike is unknown to us though every word and action seems to increase
it I believe that this sort of dislike is only shown by the jealous and that
it renders the disliker even more miserable because more continually conscious
than the object but the growing evidences of Jemimas feeling made Ruth very
unhappy at times This very May too an idea had come into her mind which she
had tried to repress namely that Mr Farquhar was in love with her It
annoyed her extremely it made her reproach herself that she ever should think
such a thing possible She tried to strangle the notion to drown it to starve
it out by neglect its existence caused her such pain and distress
The worst was he had won Leonards heart who was constantly seeking him
out or when absent talking about him The best was some journey connected
with business which would take him to the Continent for several weeks and
during that time surely this disagreeble fancy of his would die away if
untrue and if true some way would be opened by which she might put a stop to
all increase of predilection on his part and yet retain him as a friend for
Leonard that darling for whom she was farseeing and covetous and miserly of
every scrap of love and kindly regard
Mr Farquhar would not have been flattered if he had known how much his
departure contributed to Ruths rest of mind on the Saturday afternoon on which
he set out on his journey It was a beautiful day the sky of that intense
quivering blue which seemed as though you could look through it for ever yet
not reach the black infinite space which is suggested as lying beyond Now and
then a thin torn vaporous cloud floated slowly within the vaulted depth but
the soft air that gently wafted it was not perceptible among the leaves on the
trees which did not even tremble Ruth sat at her work in the shadow formed by
the old grey garden wall Miss Benson and Sally the one in the parlour
windowseat mending stockings the other hard at work in her kitchen were both
within talking distance for it was weather for open doors and windows but none
of the three kept up any continued conversation and in the intervals Ruth sang
low a brooding song such as she remembered her mother singing long ago Now and
then she stopped to look at Leonard who was labouring away with vehement energy
at digging over a small plot of ground where he meant to prick out some celery
plants that had been given to him Ruths heart warmed at the earnest spirited
way in which he thrust his large spade deep down into the brown soil his ruddy
face glowing his curly hair wet with the exertion and yet she sighed to think
that the days were over when her deeds of skill could give him pleasure Now
his delight was in acting himself last year not fourteen months ago he had
watched her making a daisychain for him as if he could not admire her
cleverness enough this year this week when she had been devoting every spare
hour to the simple tailoring which she performed for her boy she had always
made every article he wore and felt almost jealous of the employment he had
come to her with a wistful look and asked when he might begin to have clothes
made by a man
Ever since the Wednesday when she had accompanied Mary and Elizabeth at
Mrs Bradshaws desire to be measured for spring clothes by the new Eccleston
dressmaker she had been looking forward to this Saturday afternoons pleasure
of making summer trousers for Leonard but the satisfaction of the employment
was a little taken away by Leonards speech It was a sign however that her
life was very quiet and peaceful that she had leisure to think upon the thing
at all and often she forgot it entirely in her low chanting song or in
listening to the thrush warbling out his afternoon ditty to his patient mate in
the hollybush below
The distant rumble of carts through the busy streets it was marketday not
only formed a low rolling bass to the nearer and pleasanter sounds but enhanced
the sense of peace by the suggestion of the contrast afforded to the repose of
the garden by the bustle not far off
But besides physical din and bustle there is mental strife and turmoil
That afternoon as Jemima was restlessly wandering about the house her
mother desired her to go on an errand to Mrs Pearsons the new dressmaker in
order to give some directions about her sisters new frocks Jemima went rather
than have the trouble of resisting or else she would have preferred staying at
home moving or being outwardly quiet according to her own fitful will Mrs
Bradshaw who as I have said had been aware for some time that something was
wrong with her daughter and was very anxious to set it to rights if she only
knew how had rather planned this errand with a view to dispel Jemimas
melancholy
»And Mimie dear« said her mother »when you are there look out for a new
bonnet for yourself she has got some very pretty ones and your old one is so
shabby«
»It does for me mother« said Jemima heavily »I dont want a new bonnet«
»But I want you to have one my lassie I want my girl to look well and
nice«
There was something of homely tenderness in Mrs Bradshaws tone that
touched Jemimas heart She went to her mother and kissed her with more of
affection than she had shown to any one for weeks before and the kiss was
returned with warm fondness
»I think you love me mother« said Jemima
»We all love you dear if you would but think so And if you want anything
or wish for anything only tell me and with a little patience I can get your
father to give it you I know Only be happy theres a good girl«
»Be happy as if one could by an effort of will« thought Jemima as she went
along the street too absorbed in herself to notice the bows of acquaintances
and friends but instinctively guiding herself right among the throng and press
of carts and gigs and market people in High Street
But her mothers tones and looks with their comforting power remained
longer in her recollection than the inconsistency of any words spoken When she
had completed her errand about the frocks she asked to look at some bonnets in
order to show her recognition of her mothers kind thought
Mrs Pearson was a smart cleverlooking woman of five or six and thirty
She had all the variety of smalltalk at her fingerends that was formerly
needed by barbers to amuse the people who came to be shaved She had admired the
town till Jemima was weary of its praises sick and oppressed by its sameness
as she had been these many weeks
»Here are some bonnets maam that will be just the thing for you elegant
and tasty yet quite of the simple style suitable to young ladies Oblige me by
trying on this white silk«
Jemima looked at herself in the glass she was obliged to own it was very
becoming and perhaps not the less so for the flush of modest shame which came
into her cheeks as she heard Mrs Pearsons open praises of the rich beautiful
hair and the Oriental eyes of the wearer
»I induced the young lady who accompanied your sisters the other day the
governess is she maam«
»Yes Mrs Denbigh is her name« said Jemima clouding over
»Thank you maam Well I persuaded Mrs Denbigh to try on that bonnet and
you cant think how charming she looked in it and yet I dont think it became
her as much as it does you«
»Mrs Denbigh is very beautiful« said Jemima taking off the bonnet and
not much inclined to try on any other
»Very maam Quite a peculiar style of beauty If I might be allowed I
should say that hers was a Grecian style of loveliness while yours was
Oriental She reminded me of a young person I once knew in Fordham« Mrs
Pearson sighed an audible sigh
»In Fordham« said Jemima remembering that Ruth had once spoken of the
place as one in which she had spent some time while the county in which it was
situated was the same in which Ruth was born »In Fordham Why I think Mrs
Denbigh comes from that neighbourhood«
»Oh maam she cannot be the young person I mean I am sure maam
holding the position she does in your establishment I should hardly say I knew
her myself for I only saw her two or three times at my sisters house but she
was so remarked for her beauty that I remember her face quite well the more
so on account of her vicious conduct afterwards«
»Her vicious conduct« repeated Jemima convinced by these words that there
could be no identity between Ruth and young person alluded to »Then it could
not have been our Mrs Denbigh«
»Oh no maam I am sure I should be sorry to be understood to have
suggested anything of the kind I beg your pardon if I did so All I meant to
say and perhaps that was a liberty I ought not to have taken considering what
Ruth Hilton was «
»Ruth Hilton« said Jemima turning suddenly round and facing Mrs Pearson
»Yes maam that was the name of the young person I allude to«
»Tell me about her what did she do« asked Jemima subduing her eagerness
of tone and look as best she might but trembling as on the verge of some
strange discovery
»I dont know whether I ought to tell you maam it is hardly a fit story
for a young lady but this Ruth Hilton was an apprentice to my sisterinlaw
who had a firstrate business in Fordham which brought her a good deal of
patronage from the county families and this young creature was very artful and
bold and thought sadly too much of her beauty and somehow she beguiled a
young gentleman who took her into keeping I am sure maam I ought to
apologise for polluting your ears «
»Go on« said Jemima breathlessly
»I dont know much more His mother followed him into Wales She was a lady
of a great deal of religion and a very old family and was much shocked at her
sons misfortune in being captivated by such a person but she led him to
repentance and took him to Paris where I think she died but I am not sure
for owing to family differences I have not been on terms for some years with
my sisterinlaw who was my informant«
»Who died« interrupted Jemima »the young mans mother or or Ruth
Hilton«
»Oh dear maam pray dont confuse the two It was the mother Mrs I
forget the name something like Billington It was the lady who died«
»And what became of the other« asked Jemima unable as her dark suspicion
seemed thickening to speak the name
»The girl Why maam what could become of her Not that I know exactly
only one knows they can but go from bad to worse poor creatures God forgive
me if I am speaking too transiently of such degraded women who after all are
a disgrace to our sex«
»Then you know nothing more about her« asked Jemima
»I did hear that she had gone off with another gentleman that she met with
in Wales but Im sure I cant tell who told me«
There was a little pause Jemima was pondering on all she had heard
Suddenly she felt that Mrs Pearsons eyes were upon her watching her not with
curiosity but with a newlyawakened intelligence and yet she must ask one
more question but she tried to ask it in an indifferent careless tone
handling the bonnet while she spoke
»How long is it since all this all you have been telling me about
happened« Leonard was eight years old
»Why let me see It was before I was married and I was married three
years and poor dear Pearson has been deceased five I should say going on for
nine years this summer Blush roses would become your complexion perhaps
better than these lilacs« said she as with superficial observation she watched
Jemima turning the bonnet round and round on her hand the bonnet that her
dizzy eyes did not see
»Thank you It is very pretty But I dont want a bonnet I beg your pardon
for taking up your time« And with an abrupt bow to the discomfited Mrs
Pearson she was out and away in the open air threading her way with
instinctive energy along the crowded street Suddenly she turned round and went
back to Mrs Pearsons with even more rapidity than she had been walking away
from the house
»I have changed my mind« said she as she came breathless up into the
showroom »I will take the bonnet How much is it«
»Allow me to change the flowers it can be done in an instant and then you
can see if you would not prefer the roses but with either foliage it is a
lovely little bonnet« said Mrs Pearson holding it up admiringly on her hand
»Oh never mind the flowers yes change them to the roses« And she stood
by agitated Mrs Pearson thought with impatience all the time the milliner
was making the alteration with skilful busy haste
»By the way« said Jemima when she saw the last touches were being given
and that she must not delay executing the purpose which was the real cause of
her return »Papa I am sure would not like your connecting Mrs Denbighs
name with such a story as you have been telling me«
»Oh dear maam I have too much respect for you all to think of doing such
a thing Of course I know maam that it is not to be cast up to any lady that
she is like anybody disreputable«
»But I would rather you did not name the likeness to any one« said Jemima
»not to any one Dont tell any one the story you have told me this morning«
»Indeed maam I should never think of such a thing My poor husband could
have borne witness that I am as close as the grave where there is anything to
conceal«
»Oh dear« said Jemima »Mrs Pearson there is nothing to conceal only you
must not speak about it«
»I certainly shall not do it maam you may rest assured of me«
This time Jemima did not go towards home but in the direction of the
outskirts of the town on the hilly side She had some dim recollection of
hearing her sisters ask if they might not go and invite Leonard and his mother
to tea and how could she face Ruth after the conviction had taken possession of
her heart that she and the sinful creature she had just heard of were one and
the same
It was yet only the middle of the afternoon the hours were early in the
oldfashioned town of Eccleston Soft white clouds had come slowly sailing up
out of the west the plain was flecked with thin floating shadows gently borne
along by the westerly wind that was waving the long grass in the hayfields into
alternate light and shade Jemima went into one of these fields lying by the
side of the upland road She was stunned by the shock she had received The
diver leaving the green sward smooth and known where his friends stand with
their familiar smiling faces admiring his glad bravery the diver down in an
instant in the horrid depths of the sea close to some strange ghastly
lidlesseyed monster can hardly more feel his blood curdle at the near terror
than did Jemima now Two hours ago but a point of time on her minds dial
she had never imagined that she should ever come in contact with any one who had
committed open sin she had never shaped her conviction into words and
sentences but still it was there that all the respectable all the family and
religious circumstances of her life would hedge her in and guard her from ever
encountering the great shock of coming face to face with Vice Without being
pharisaical in her estimation of herself she had all a pharisees dread of
publicans and sinners and all a childs cowardliness that cowardliness which
prompts it to shut its eyes against the object of terror rather than
acknowledge its existence with brave faith Her fathers often reiterated
speeches had not been without their effect He drew a clear line of partition
which separated mankind into two great groups to one of which by the grace of
God he and his belonged while the other was composed of those whom it was his
duty to try and reform and bring the whole force of his morality to bear upon
with lectures admonitions and exhortations a duty to be performed because
it was a duty but with very little of that Hope and Faith which is the Spirit
that maketh alive Jemima had rebelled against these hard doctrines of her
fathers but their frequent repetition had had its effect and led her to look
upon those who had gone astray with shrinking shuddering recoil instead of
with a pity so Christlike as to have both wisdom and tenderness in it
And now she saw among her own familiar associates one almost her
housefellow who had been stained with that evil most repugnant to her womanly
modesty that would fain have ignored its existence altogether She loathed the
thought of meeting Ruth again She wished that she could take her up and put
her down at a distance somewhere anywhere where she might never see or hear
of her more never be reminded as she must be whenever she saw her that such
things were in this sunny bright larksinging earth over which the blue dome
of heaven bent softly down as Jemima sat in the hayfield that June afternoon
her cheeks flushed and red but her lips pale and compressed and her eyes full
of a heavy angry sorrow It was Saturday and the people in that part of the
country left their work an hour earlier on that day By this Jemima knew it
must be growing time for her to be at home She had had so much of conflict in
her own mind of late that she had grown to dislike struggle or speech or
explanation and so strove to conform to times and hours much more than she had
done in happier days But oh how full of hate her heart was growing against the
world And oh how she sickened at the thought of seeing Ruth Who was to be
trusted more if Ruth calm modest delicate dignified Ruth had a memory
blackened by sin
As she went heavily along the thought of Mr Farquhar came into her mind
It showed how terrible had been the stun that he had been forgotten until now
With the thought of him came in her first merciful feeling towards Ruth This
would never have been had there been the least latent suspicion in Jemimas
jealous mind that Ruth had purposely done aught looked a look uttered a word
modulated a tone for the sake of attracting As Jemima recalled all the
passages of their intercourse she slowly confessed to herself how pure and
simple had been all Ruths ways in relation to Mr Farquhar It was not merely
that there had been no coquetting but there had been simple unconsciousness on
Ruths part for so long a time after Jemima had discovered Mr Farquhars
inclination for her and when at length she had slowly awakened to some
perception of the state of his feelings there had been a modest shrinking
dignity of manner not startled or emotional or even timid but pure grave
and quiet and this conduct of Ruths Jemima instinctively acknowledged to be of
necessity transparent and sincere Now and here there was no hypocrisy but
some time somewhere on the part of somebody what hypocrisy what lies must
have been acted if not absolutely spoken before Ruth could have been received
by them all as the sweet gentle girlish widow which she remembered they had
all believed Mrs Denbigh to be when first she came among them Could Mr and
Miss Benson know Could they be a party to the deceit Not sufficiently
acquainted with the world to understand how strong had been the temptation to
play the part they did if they wished to give Ruth a chance Jemima could not
believe them guilty of such deceit as the knowledge of Mrs Denbighs previous
conduct would imply and yet how it darkened the latter into a treacherous
hypocrite with a black secret shut up in her soul for years living in
apparent confidence and daily household familiarity with the Bensons for years
yet never telling the remorse that ought to be corroding her heart Who was
true Who was not Who was good and pure Who was not The very foundations of
Jemimas belief in her mind were shaken
Could it be false Could there be two Ruth Hiltons She went over every
morsel of evidence It could not be She knew that Mrs Denbighs former name
had been Hilton She had heard her speak casually but charily of having lived
in Fordham She knew she had been in Wales but a short time before she made her
appearance in Eccleston There was no doubt of the identity Into the middle of
Jemimas pain and horror at the afternoons discovery there came a sense of the
power which the knowledge of this secret gave her over Ruth but this was no
relief only an aggravation of the regret with which Jemima looked back on her
state of ignorance It was no wonder that when she arrived at home she was so
oppressed with headache that she had to go to bed directly
»Quiet mother quiet dear dear mother« for she clung to the known and
tried goodness of her mother more than ever now »that is all I want« And she
was left to the stillness of her darkened room the blinds idly flapping to and
fro in the soft evening breeze and letting in the rustling sound of the
branches which waved close to her window and the thrushs gurgling warble and
the distant hum of the busy town
Her jealousy was gone she knew not how or where She might shun and recoil
from Ruth but she now thought that she could never more be jealous of her In
her pride of innocence she felt almost ashamed that such a feeling could have
had existence Could Mr Farquhar hesitate between her own self and one who
No she could not name what Ruth had been even in thought And yet he might
never know so fair a seeming did her rival wear Oh for one ray of Gods holy
light to know what was seeming and what was truth in this traitorous hollow
earth It might be she used to think such things possible before sorrow had
embittered her that Ruth had worked her way through the deep purgatory of
repentance up to something like purity again God only knew If her present
goodness was real if after having striven back thus far on the heights a
fellowwoman was to throw her down into some terrible depth with her unkind
incontinent tongue that would be too cruel And yet if there was such woeful
uncertainty and deceit somewhere if Ruth No that Jemima with noble
candour admitted was impossible Whatever Ruth had been she was good and to
be respected as such now It did not follow that Jemima was to preserve the
secret always she doubted her own power to do so if Mr Farquhar came home
again and were still constant in his admiration of Mrs Denbigh and if Mrs
Denbigh gave him any the least encouragement But this last she thought from
what she knew of Ruths character was impossible Only what was impossible
after this afternoons discovery At any rate she would watch and wait Come
what might Ruth was in her power And strange to say this last certainty gave
Jemima a kind of protecting almost pitying feeling for Ruth Her horror at the
wrong was not diminished but the more she thought of the struggles that the
wrongdoer must have made to extricate herself the more she felt how cruel it
would be to baffle all by revealing what had been But for her sisters sake she
had a duty to perform she must watch Ruth For her lovers sake she could not
have helped watching but she was too much stunned to recognise the force of her
love while duty seemed the only stable thing to cling to For the present she
would neither meddle nor mar in Ruths course of life
Chapter XXVI
Mr Bradshaws Virtuous Indignation
So it was that Jemima no longer avoided Ruth nor manifested by word or look the
dislike which for a long time she had been scarce concealing Ruth could not
help noticing that Jemima always sought to be in her presence while she was at
Mr Bradshaws house either when daily teaching Mary and Elizabeth or when she
came as an occasional visitor with Mr and Miss Benson or by herself Up to
this time Jemima had used no gentle skill to conceal the abruptness with which
she would leave the room rather than that Ruth and she should be brought into
contact rather than that it should fall to her lot to entertain Ruth during
any part of the evening It was months since Jemima had left off sitting in the
schoolroom as had been her wont during the first few years of Ruths
governessship Now each morning Miss Bradshaw seated herself at a little round
table in the window at her work or at her writing but whether she sewed or
wrote or read Ruth felt that she was always watching watching At first Ruth
had welcomed all these changes in habit and behaviour as giving her a chance
she thought by some patient waiting or some opportune show of enduring
constant love to regain her lost friends regard but byandby the icy
chillness immovable and grey struck more to her heart than many sudden words
of unkindness could have done They might be attributed to the hot impulses of a
hasty temper to the vehement anger of an accuser but this measured manner was
the conscious result of some deepseated feeling this cold sternness befitted
the calm implacability of some severe judge The watching which Ruth felt was
ever upon her made her unconsciously shiver as you would if you saw that the
passionless eyes of the dead were visibly gazing upon you Her very being
shrivelled and parched up in Jemimas presence as if blown upon by a bitter
keen east wind
Jemima bent every power she possessed upon the one object of ascertaining
what Ruth really was Sometimes the strain was very painful the constant
tension made her soul weary and she moaned aloud and upbraided circumstance
she dared not go higher to the Maker of circumstance for having deprived her
of her unsuspicious happy ignorance
Things were in this state when Mr Richard Bradshaw came on his annual home
visit He was to remain another year in London and then to return and be
admitted into the firm After he had been a week at home he grew tired of the
monotonous regularity of his fathers household and began to complain of it to
Jemima
»I wish Farquhar were at home Though he is such a stiff quiet old fellow
his coming in in the evenings makes a change What has become of the Millses
They used to drink tea with us sometimes formerly«
»Oh papa and Mr Mills took opposite sides at the election and we have
never visited since I dont think they are any great loss«
»Anybody is a loss the stupidest bore that ever was would be a blessing
if he only would come in sometimes«
»Mr and Miss Benson have drunk tea here twice since you came«
»Come thats capital Apropos of stupid bores you talk of the Bensons I
did not think you had so much discrimination my little sister«
Jemima looked up in surprise and then reddened angrily
»I never meant to say a word against Mr or Miss Benson and that you know
quite well Dick«
»Never mind I wont tell tales They are stupid old fogeys but they are
better than nobody especially as that handsome governess of the girls always
comes with them to be looked at«
There was a little pause Richard broke it by saying
»Do you know Mimie Ive a notion if she plays her cards well she may
hook Farquhar«
»Who« asked Jemima shortly though she knew quite well
»Mrs Denbigh to be sure We were talking of her you know Farquhar asked
me to dine with him at his hotel as he passed through town and Id my own
reasons for going and trying to creep up his sleeve I wanted him to tip me as
he used to do«
»For shame Dick« burst in Jemima
»Well well not tip me exactly but lend me some money The governor keeps
me deucedly short«
»Why it was only yesterday when my father was speaking about your
expenses and your allowance I heard you say that youd more than you knew how
to spend«
»Dont you see that was the perfection of art If my father had thought me
extravagant he would have kept me in with a tight rein as it is Im in great
hopes of a handsome addition and I can tell you its needed If my father had
given me what I ought to have had at first I should not have been driven to the
speculations and messes Ive got into«
»What speculations What messes« asked Jemima with anxious eagerness
»Oh messes was not the right word Speculations hardly was for they are
sure to turn out well and then I shall surprise my father with my riches« He
saw that he had gone a little too far in his confidence and was trying to draw
in
»But what do you mean Do explain it to me«
»Never you trouble your head about my business my dear Women cant
understand the sharemarket and such things Dont think Ive forgotten the
awful blunders you made when you tried to read the state of the moneymarket
aloud to my father that night when he had lost his spectacles What were we
talking of Oh of Farquhar and pretty Mrs Denbigh Yes I soon found out that
was the subject my gentleman liked me to dwell on He did not talk about her
much himself but his eyes sparkled when I told him what enthusiastic letters
Polly and Elizabeth wrote about her How old do you think she is«
»I know« said Jemima »At least I heard her age spoken about amongst other
things when first she came She will be fiveandtwenty this autumn«
»And Farquhar is forty if he is a day Shes young too to have such a boy
as Leonard youngerlooking or full as younglooking as she is I tell you
what Mimie she looks younger than you How old are you Threeandtwenty
aint it«
»Last March« replied Jemima
»Youll have to make haste and pick up somebody if youre losing your good
looks at this rate Why Jemima I thought you had a good chance of Farquhar a
year or two ago How come you to have lost him Id far rather youd had him
than that proud haughty Mrs Denbigh who flashes her great grey eyes upon me
if ever I dare to pay her a compliment She ought to think it an honour that I
take that much notice of her Besides Farquhar is rich and its keeping the
business of the firm in ones own family and if he marries Mrs Denbigh she
will be sure to be wanting Leonard in when hes of age and I wont have that
Have a try for Farquhar Mimie Ten to one its not too late I wish Id brought
you a pink bonnet down You go about so dowdy so careless of how you look«
»If Mr Farquhar has not liked me as I am« said Jemima choking »I dont
want to owe him to a pink bonnet«
»Nonsense I dont like to have my sisters governess stealing a march on my
sister I tell you Farquhar is worth trying for If youll wear the pink bonnet
Ill give it to you and Ill back you against Mrs Denbigh I think you might
have done something with our member as my father calls him when you had him so
long in the house But altogether I should like Farquhar best for a
brotherinlaw By the way have you heard down here that Donne is going to be
married I heard of it in town just before I left from a man that was good
authority Some Sir Thomas Campbells seventh daughter a girl without a penny
father ruined himself by gambling and obliged to live abroad But Donne is not
a man to care for any obstacle from all accounts when once he has taken a
fancy It was love at first sight they say I believe he did not know of her
existence a month ago«
»No we have not heard of it« replied Jemima »My father will like to know
tell it him« continued she as she was leaving the room to be alone in order
to still her habitual agitation whenever she heard Mr Farquhar and Ruth coupled
together
Mr Farquhar came home the day before Richard Bradshaw left for town He
dropped in after tea at the Bradshaws he was evidently disappointed to see
none but the family there and looked round whenever the door opened
»Look look« said Dick to his sister »I wanted to make sure of his coming
in tonight to save me my fathers parting exhortations against the temptations
of the world as if I did not know much more of the world than he does so I
used a spell I thought would prove efficacious I told him that we should be by
ourselves with the exception of Mrs Denbigh and look how he is expecting her
to come in«
Jemima did see did understand She understood too why certain packets
were put carefully on one side apart from the rest of the purchases of Swiss
toys and jewellery by which Mr Farquhar proved that none of Mr Bradshaws
family had been forgotten by him during his absence Before the end of the
evening she was very conscious that her sore heart had not forgotten how to be
jealous Her brother did not allow a word a look or an incident which might
be supposed on Mr Farquhars side to refer to Ruth to pass unnoticed he
pointed out all to his sister never dreaming of the torture he was inflicting
only anxious to prove his own extreme penetration At length Jemima could stand
it no longer and left the room She went into the schoolroom where the
shutters were not closed as it only looked into the garden She opened the
window to let the cool night air blow in on her hot cheeks The clouds were
hurrying over the moons face in a tempestuous and unstable manner making all
things seem unreal now clear out in its bright light now trembling and
quivering in shadow The pain at her heart seemed to make Jemimas brain grow
dull she laid her head on her arms which rested on the windowsill and grew
dizzy with the sick weary notion that the earth was wandering lawless and
aimless through the heavens where all seemed one tossed and whirling wrack of
clouds It was a waking nightmare from the uneasy heaviness of which she was
thankful to be roused by Dicks entrance
»What you are here are you I have been looking everywhere for you I
wanted to ask you if you have any spare money you could lend me for a few
weeks«
»How much do you want« asked Jemima in a dull hopeless voice
»Oh the more the better But I should be glad of any trifle I am kept so
confoundedly short«
When Jemima returned with her little store even her careless selfish
brother was struck by the wanness of her face lighted by the bedcandle she
carried
»Come Mimie dont give it up If I were you I would have a good try
against Mrs Denbigh Ill send you the bonnet as soon as ever I get back to
town and you pluck up a spirit and Ill back you against her even yet«
It seemed to Jemima strange and yet only a fitting part of this strange
chaotic world to find that her brother who was the last person to whom she
could have given her confidence in her own family and almost the last person of
her acquaintance to whom she could look for real help and sympathy should have
been the only one to hit upon the secret of her love And the idea passed away
from his mind as quickly as all ideas not bearing upon his own selfinterests
did
The night the sleepless night was so crowded and haunted by miserable
images that she longed for day and when day came with its stinging realities
she wearied and grew sick for the solitude of night For the next week she
seemed to see and hear nothing but what confirmed the idea of Mr Farquhars
decided attachment to Ruth Even her mother spoke of it as a thing which was
impending and which she wondered how Mr Bradshaw would like for his approval
or disapproval was the standard by which she measured all things
»Oh merciful God« prayed Jemima in the dead silence of the night »the
strain is too great I cannot bear it longer my life my love the very
essence of me which is myself through time and eternity and on the other side
there is allpitying Charity If she had not been what she is if she had shown
any sign of triumph any knowledge of her prize if she had made any effort to
gain his dear heart I must have given way long ago and taunted her even if I
did not tell others taunted her even though I sank down to the pit the next
moment
The temptation is too strong for me O Lord where is Thy peace that I
believed in in my childhood that I hear people speaking of now as if it
hushed up the troubles of life and had not to be sought for sought for as
with tears of blood«
There was no sound nor answer to this wild imploring cry which Jemima half
thought must force out a sign from Heaven But there was a dawn stealing on
through the darkness of her night
If was glorious weather for the end of August The nights were as full of
light as the days everywhere save in the low dusky meadows by the riverside
where the mists rose and blended the pale sky with the lands below Unknowing of
the care and trouble around them Mary and Elizabeth exulted in the weather and
saw some new glory in every touch of the years decay They were clamorous for
an expedition to the hills before the calm stillness of the autumn should be
disturbed by storms They gained permission to go on the next Wednesday the
next halfholiday They had won their mother over to consent to a full holiday
but their father would not hear of it Mrs Bradshaw had proposed an early
dinner but the idea was scouted at by the girls What would the expedition be
worth if they did not carry their dinners with them in baskets Anything out of
a basket and eaten in the open air was worth twenty times as much as the most
sumptuous meal in the house So the baskets were packed up while Mrs Bradshaw
wailed over probable colds to be caught from sitting on the damp ground Ruth
and Leonard were to go they four Jemima had refused all invitations to make
one of the party and yet she had a halfsympathy with her sisters joy a sort
of longing lingering look back to the time when she too would have revelled in
the prospect that lay before them They too would grow up and suffer though
now they played regardless of their doom
The morning was bright and glorious just cloud enough as some one said to
make the distant plain look beautiful from the hills with its floating shadows
passing over the golden cornfields Leonard was to join them at twelve when
his lessons with Mr Benson and the girls with their masters should be over
Ruth took off her bonnet and folded her shawl with her usual dainty careful
neatness and laid them aside in a corner of the room to be in readiness She
tried to forget the pleasure she always anticipated from a long walk towards the
hills while the mornings work went on but she showed enough of sympathy to
make the girls cling round her with many a caress of joyous love Everything was
beautiful in their eyes from the shadows of the quivering leaves on the wall to
the glittering beads of dew not yet absorbed by the sun which decked the
gossamer web in the vine outside the window Eleven oclock struck The Latin
master went away wondering much at the radiant faces of his pupils and
thinking that it was only very young people who could take such pleasure in the
Delectus Ruth said »Now do let us try to be very steady this next hour« and
Mary pulled back Ruths head and gave the pretty budding mouth a kiss They sat
down to work while Mrs Denbigh read aloud A fresh sungleam burst into the
room and they looked at each other with glad anticipating eyes
Jemima came in ostensibly to seek for a book but really from that sort of
restless weariness of any one place or employment which had taken possession of
her since Mr Farquhars return She stood before the bookcase in the recess
languidly passing over the titles in search of the one she wanted Ruths voice
lost a tone or two of its peacefulness and her eyes looked more dim and anxious
at Jemimas presence She wondered in her heart if she dared to ask Miss
Bradshaw to accompanying them in their expedition Eighteen months ago she would
have urged it on her friend with soft loving entreaty now she was afraid even
to propose it as a hard possibility everything she did or said was taken so
wrongly seemed to add to the old dislike or the later stony contempt with
which Miss Bradshaw had regarded her While they were in this way Mr Bradshaw
came into the room His entrance his being at home at all at this time was
so unusual a thing that the reading was instantly stopped and all four
involuntarily looked at him as if expecting some explanation of his unusual
proceeding
His face was almost purple with suppressed agitation
»Mary and Elizabeth leave the room Dont stay to pack up your books Leave
the room I say« He spoke with trembling anger and the frightened girls obeyed
without a word A cloud passing over the sun cast a cold gloom into the room
which was late so bright and beaming but by equalising the light it took away
the dark shadow from the place where Jemima had been standing and her figure
caught her fathers eye
»Leave the room Jemima« said he
»Why father« replied she in an opposition that was strange even to
herself but which was prompted by the sullen passion which seethed below the
stagnant surface of her life and which sought a vent in defiance She
maintained her ground facing round upon her father and Ruth Ruth who had
risen and stood trembling shaking a lightningfear having shown her the
precipice on which she stood It was of no use no quiet innocent life no
profound silence even to her own heart as to the Past the old offence could
never be drowned in the Deep but thus when all was calm on the great broad
sunny sea it rose to the surface and faced her with its unclosed eyes and its
ghastly countenance The blood bubbled up to her brain and made such a sound
there as of boiling waters that she did not hear the words which Mr Bradshaw
first spoke indeed his speech was broken and disjointed by intense passion
But she needed not to hear she knew As she rose up at first so she stood now
numb and helpless When her ears heard again as if the sounds were drawing
nearer and becoming more distinct from some faint vague distance of space
Mr Bradshaw was saying »If there be one sin I hate I utterly loathe more
than all others it is wantonness It includes all other sins It is but of a
piece that you should have come with your sickly hypocritical face imposing
upon us all I trust Benson did not know of it for his own sake I trust not
Before God if he got you into my house on false pretences he shall find his
charity at other mens expense shall cost him dear you the common talk of
Eccleston for your profligacy« He was absolutely choked by his boiling
indignation Ruth stood speechless motionless Her head drooped a little
forward her eyes were more than half veiled by the large quivering lids her
arms hung down straight and heavy At last she heaved the weight off her heart
enough to say in a faint moaning voice speaking with infinite difficulty
»I was so young«
»The more depraved the more disgusting you« Mr Bradshaw exclaimed almost
glad that the woman unresisting so long should now begin to resist But to
his surprise for in his anger he had forgotten her presence Jemima moved
forwards and said »Father«
»You hold your tongue Jemima You have grown more and more insolent more
and more disobedient every day I now know who to thank for it When such a
woman came into my family there is no wonder at any corruption any evil any
defilement«
»Father«
»Not a word If in your disobedience you choose to stay and hear what no
modest young woman would put herself in the way of hearing you shall be silent
when I bid you The only good you can gain is in the way of warning Look at
that woman« indicating Ruth who moved her drooping head a little on one side
as if by such motion she could avert the pitiless pointing her face growing
whiter and whiter still every instant »Look at that woman I say corrupt
long before she was your age hypocrite for years If ever you or any child of
mine cared for her shake her off from you as St Paul shook off the viper
even into the fire« He stopped for very want of breath Jemima all flushed and
panting went up and stood side by side with wan Ruth She took the cold dead
hand which hung next to her in her warm convulsive grasp and holding it so
tight that it was blue and discoloured for days she spoke out beyond all power
of restraint from her father
»Father I will speak I will not keep silence I will bear witness to Ruth
I have hated her so keenly may God forgive me but you may know from that
that my witness is true I have hated her and my hatred was only quenched into
contempt not contempt now dear Ruth dear Ruth« this was spoken with
infinite softness and tenderness and in spite of her fathers fierce eyes and
passionate gesture »I heard what you have learnt now father weeks and weeks
ago a year it may be all time of late has been so long and I shuddered up
from her and from her sin and I might have spoken of it and told it there and
then if I had not been afraid that it was from no good motive I should act in
so doing but to gain a way to the desire of my own jealous heart Yes father
to show you what a witness I am for Ruth I will own that I was stabbed to the
heart with jealousy some one someone cared for Ruth that oh father spare
me saying all« Her face was doubledyed with crimson blushes and she paused
for one moment no more
»I watched her and I watched her with my wildbeast eyes If I had seen one
paltering with duty if I had witnessed one flickering shadow of untruth in
word or action if more than all things my womans instinct had ever been
conscious of the faintest speck of impurity in thought or word or look my old
hate would have flamed out with the flame of hell my contempt would have turned
to loathing disgust instead of my being full of pity and the stirrings of
newawakened love and most true respect Father I have borne my witness«
»And I will tell you how much your witness is worth« said her father
beginning low that his pentup wrath might have room to swell out »It only
convinces me more and more how deep is the corruption this wanton has spread in
my family She has come amongst us with her innocent seeming and spread her
nets well and skilfully She has turned right into wrong and wrong into right
and taught you all to be uncertain whether there be any such thing as Vice in
the world or whether it ought not to be looked upon as Virtue She has led you
to the brink of the deep pit ready for the first chance circumstance to push
you in And I trusted I trusted her I welcomed her«
»I have done very wrong« murmured Ruth but so low that perhaps he did not
hear her for he went on lashing himself up
»I welcomed her I was duped into allowing her bastard I sicken at the
thought of it«
At the mention of Leonard Ruth lifted up her eyes for the first time since
the conversation began the pupils dilating as if she were just becoming aware
of some new agony in store for her I have seen such a look of terror on a poor
dumb animals countenance and once or twice on human faces I pray I may never
see it again on either Jemima felt the hand she held in her strong grasp writhe
itself free Ruth spread her arms before her clasping and lacing her fingers
together her head thrown a little back as if in intensest suffering
Mr Bradshaw went on
»That very child and heir of shame to associate with my own innocent
children I trust they are not contaminated«
»I cannot bear it I cannot bear it« were the words wrung out of Ruth
»Cannot bear it cannot bear it« he repeated »You must bear it madam Do
you suppose your child is to be exempt from the penalties of his birth Do you
suppose that he alone is to be saved from the upbraiding scoff Do you suppose
that he is ever to rank with other boys who are not stained and marked with sin
from their birth Every creature in Eccleston may know what he is do you think
they will spare him their scorn Cannot bear it indeed Before you went into
your sin you should have thought whether you could bear the consequences or not
have had some idea how far your offspring would be degraded and scouted till
the best thing that could happen to him would be for him to be lost to all sense
of shame dead to all knowledge of guilt for his mothers sake«
Ruth spoke out She stood like a wild creature at bay past fear now »I
appeal to God against such a doom for my child I appeal to God to help me I am
a mother and as such I cry to God for help for help to keep my boy in His
pitying sight and to bring him up in His holy fear Let the shame fall on me I
have deserved it but he he is so innocent and good«
Ruth had caught up her shawl and was tying on her bonnet with her trembling
hands What if Leonard was hearing of her shame from common report What would
be the mysterious shock of the intelligence She must face him and see the look
in his eyes before she knew whether he recoiled from her he might have his
heart turned to hate her by their cruel jeers
Jemima stood by dumb and pitying Her sorrow was past her power She helped
in arranging the dress with one or two gentle touches which were hardly felt
by Ruth but which called out all Mr Bradshaws ire afresh he absolutely took
her by the shoulders and turned her by force out of the room In the hall and
along the stairs her passionate woeful crying was heard The sound only
concentrated Mr Bradshaws anger on Ruth He held the streetdoor open wide
and said between his teeth »If ever you or your bastard darken this door
again I will have you both turned out by the police«
He needed not have added this if he had seen Ruths face
Chapter XXVII
Preparing to Stand on the Truth
As Ruth went along the accustomed streets every sight and every sound seemed to
bear a new meaning and each and all to have some reference to her boys
disgrace She held her head down and scudded along dizzy with fear lest some
word should have told him what she had been and what he was before she could
reach him It was a wild unreasoning fear but it took hold of her as strongly
as if it had been well founded And indeed the secret whispered by Mrs
Pearson whose curiosity and suspicion had been excited by Jemimas manner and
confirmed since by many a little corroborating circumstance had spread abroad
and was known to most of the gossips in Eccleston before it reached Mr
Bradshaws ears
As Ruth came up to the door of the Chapelhouse it was opened and Leonard
came out bright and hopeful as the morning his face radiant at the prospect of
the happy day before him He was dressed in the clothes it had been such a
pleasant pride to her to make for him He had the darkblue ribbon tied round
his neck that she had left out for him that very morning with a smiling thought
of how it would set off his brown handsome face She caught him by the hand as
they met and turned him with his face homewards without a word Her looks
her rushing movement her silence awed him and although he wondered he did
not stay to ask why she did so The door was on the latch she opened it and
only said »Upstairs« in a hoarse whisper Up they went into her own room She
drew him in and bolted the door and then sitting down she placed him she
had never let go of him before her holding him with her hands on each of his
shoulders and gazing into his face with a woeful look of the agony that could
not find vent in words At last she tried to speak she tried with strong bodily
effort almost amounting to convulsion But the words would not come it was not
till she saw the absolute terror depicted on his face that she found utterance
and then the sight of that terror changed the words from what she meant them to
have been She drew him to her and laid her head upon his shoulder hiding her
face even there
»My poor poor boy my poor poor darling Oh would that I had died I had
died in my innocent girlhood«
»Mother mother« sobbed Leonard »What is the matter Why do you look so
wild and ill Why do you call me your poor boy Are we not going to Scaurside
Hill I dont much mind it mother only please dont gasp and quiver so
Dearest mother are you ill Let me call Aunt Faith«
Ruth lifted herself up and put away the hair that had fallen over and was
blinding her eyes She looked at him with intense wistfulness
»Kiss me Leonard« said she »kiss me my darling once more in the old
way« Leonard threw himself into her arms and hugged her with all his force and
their lips clung together as in the kiss given to the dying
»Leonard« said she at length holding him away from her and nerving
herself up to tell him all by one spasmodic effort »listen to me« The boy
stood breathless and still gazing at her On her impetuous transit from Mr
Bradshaws to the Chapelhouse her wild desperate thought had been that she
would call herself by every violent coarse name which the world might give her
that Leonard should hear those words applied to his mother first from her own
lips but the influence of his presence for he was a holy and sacred creature
in her eyes and this point remained steadfast though all the rest were
upheaved subdued her and now it seemed as if she could not find words fine
enough and pure enough to convey the truth that he must learn and should
learn from no tongue but hers
»Leonard when I was very young I did very wrong I think God who knows
all will judge me more tenderly than men but I did wrong in a way which you
cannot understand yet« she saw the red flush come into his cheek and it stung
her as the first token of that shame which was to be his portion through life
»in a way people never forget never forgive You will hear me called the
hardest names that ever can be thrown at women I have been today and my
child you must bear it patiently because they will be partly true Never get
confused by your love for me into thinking that what I did was right Where
was I« said she suddenly faltering and forgetting all she had said and all
she had got to say and then seeing Leonards face of wonder and burning shame
and indignation she went on more rapidly as fearing lest her strength should
fail before she had ended
»And Leonard« continued she in a trembling sad voice »this is not all
The punishment of punishments lies awaiting me still It is to see you suffer
from my wrongdoing Yes darling they will speak shameful things of you poor
innocent child as well as of me who am guilty They will throw it in your
teeth through life that your mother was never married was not married when
you were born«
»Were not you married Are not you a widow« asked he abruptly for the
first time getting anything like a clear idea of the real state of the case
»No May God forgive me and help me« exclaimed she as she saw a strange
look of repugnance cloud over the boys face and felt a slight motion on his
part to extricate himself from her hold It was as slight as transient as it
could be over in an instant But she had taken her hands away and covered up
her face with them as quickly covered up her face in shame before her child
and in the bitterness of her heart she was wailing out »Oh would to God I had
died that I had died as a baby that I had died as a little baby hanging at
my mothers breast«
»Mother« said Leonard timidly putting his hand on her arm but she shrank
from him and continued her low passionate wailing »Mother« said he after a
pause coming nearer though she saw it not »mammy darling« said he using
the caressing name which he had been trying to drop as not sufficiently manly
»mammy my own own dear dear darling mother I dont believe them I dont I
dont I dont I dont« He broke out into a wild burst of crying as he said
this In a moment her arms were round the boy and she was hushing him up like a
baby on her bosom »Hush Leonard Leonard be still my child I have been too
sudden with you I have done you harm oh I have done you nothing but harm«
cried she in a tone of bitter selfreproach
»No mother« said he stopping his tears and his eyes blazing out with
earnestness »there never was such a mother as you have been to me and I wont
believe any one who says it I wont and Ill knock them down if they say it
again I will« He clenched his fist with a fierce defiant look on his face
»You forget my child« said Ruth in the sweetest saddest tone that ever
was heard »I said it of myself I said it because it was true« Leonard threw
his arms tight round her and hid his face against her bosom She felt him pant
there like some hunted creature She had no soothing comfort to give him »Oh
that she and he lay dead«
At last exhausted he lay so still and motionless that she feared to look
She wanted him to speak yet dreaded his first words She kissed his hair his
head his very clothes murmuring low inarticulate and moaning sounds
»Leonard« said she »Leonard look up at me Leonard look up« But he only
clung the closer and hid his face the more
»My boy« said she »what can I do or say If I tell you never to mind it
that it is nothing I tell you false It is a bitter shame and a sorrow that I
have drawn down upon you A shame Leonard because of me your mother but
Leonard it is no disgrace or lowering of you in the eyes of God« She spoke now
as if she had found the clue which might lead him to rest and strength at last
»Remember that always Remember that when the time of trial comes and it
seems a hard and cruel thing that you should be called reproachful names by men
and all for what was no fault of yours remember Gods pity and Gods justice
and though my sin shall have made you an outcast in the world oh my child
my child« she felt him kiss her as if mutually trying to comfort her it
gave her strength to go on »remember darling of my heart it is only your
own sin that can make you an outcast from God«
She grew so faint that her hold of him relaxed He looked up affrighted He
brought her water he threw it over her in his terror at the notion that she
was going to die and leave him he called her by every fond name imploring her
to open her eyes
When she partially recovered he helped her to the bed on which she lay
still wan and deathlike She almost hoped the swoon that hung around her
might be Death and in that imagination she opened her eyes to take a last look
at her boy She saw him pale and terrorstricken and pity for his affright
roused her and made her forget herself in the wish that he should not see her
death if she were indeed dying
»Go to Aunt Faith« whispered she »I am weary and want sleep«
Leonard arose slowly and reluctantly She tried to smile upon him that what
she thought would be her last look might dwell in his remembrance as tender and
strong she watched him to the door she saw him hesitate and return to her He
came back to her and said in a timid apprehensive tone »Mother will they
speak to me about it«
Ruth closed her eyes that they might not express the agony she felt like a
sharp knife at this question Leonard had asked it with a childs desire of
avoiding painful and mysterious topics for no personal sense of shame as she
understood it shame beginning thus early thus instantaneously
»No« she replied »You may be sure they will not«
So he went But now she would have been thankful for the unconsciousness of
fainting that one little speech bore so much meaning to her hot irritable
brain Mr and Miss Benson all in their house would never speak to the boy
but in his home alone would he be safe from what he had already learned to
dread Every form in which shame and opprobrium could overwhelm her darling
haunted her She had been exercising strong selfcontrol for his sake ever since
she had met him at the housedoor there was now a reaction His presence had
kept her mind on its perfect balance When that was withdrawn the effect of the
strain of power was felt And athwart the fevermists that arose to obscure her
judgment all sorts of willothewisp plans flittered before her tempting her
to this and that course of action to anything rather than patient endurance
to relieve her present state of misery by some sudden spasmodic effort that
took the semblance of being wise and right Gradually all her desires all her
longing settled themselves on one point What had she done what could she do
to Leonard but evil If she were away and gone no one knew where lost in
mystery as if she were dead perhaps the cruel hearts might relent and show
pity on Leonard while her perpetual presence would but call up the remembrance
of his birth Thus she reasoned in her hot dull brain and shaped her plans in
accordance
Leonard stole downstairs noiselessly He listened to find some quiet place
where he could hide himself The house was very still Miss Benson thought the
purposed expedition had taken place and never dreamed but that Ruth and Leonard
were on distant sunny Scaurside Hill and after a very early dinner she had
set out to drink tea with a farmers wife who lived in the country two or three
miles off Mr Benson meant to have gone with her but while they were at
dinner he had received an unusually authoritative note from Mr Bradshaw
desiring to speak with him so he went to that gentlemans house instead Sally
was busy in her kitchen making a great noise not unlike a groom rubbing down a
horse over her cleaning Leonard stole into the sittingroom and crouched
behind the large oldfashioned sofa to ease his sore aching heart by crying
with all the prodigal waste and abandonment of childhood
Mr Benson was shown into Mr Bradshaws own particular room The latter
gentleman was walking up and down and it was easy to perceive that something
had occurred to chafe him to great anger
»Sit down sir« said he to Mr Benson nodding to a chair
Mr Benson sat down But Mr Bradshaw continued his walk for a few minutes
longer without speaking Then he stopped abruptly right in front of Mr Benson
and in a voice which he tried to render calm but which trembled with passion
with a face glowing purple as he thought of his wrongs and real wrongs they
were he began
»Mr Benson I have sent for you to ask I am almost too indignant at the
bare suspicion to speak as becomes me but did you I really shall be obliged
to beg your pardon if you are as much in the dark as I was yesterday as to the
character of the woman who lives under your roof«
There was no answer from Mr Benson Mr Bradshaw looked at him very
earnestly His eyes were fixed on the ground he made no inquiry he uttered
no expression of wonder or dismay Mr Bradshaw ground his foot on the floor
with gathering rage but just as he was about to speak Mr Benson rose up a
poor deformed old man before the stern and portly figure that was swelling and
panting with passion
»Hear me sir« stretching out his hand as if to avert the words which were
impending »Nothing you can say can upbraid me like my own conscience no
degradation you can inflict by word or deed can come up to the degradation I
have suffered for years at being a party to a deceit even for a good end«
»For a good end Nay what next«
The taunting contempt with which Mr Bradshaw spoke these words almost
surprised himself by what he imagined must be its successful power of withering
but in spite of it Mr Benson lifted his grave eyes to Mr Bradshaws
countenance and repeated
»For a good end The end was not as perhaps you consider it to have been
to obtain her admission into your family nor yet to put her in the way of
gaining her livelihood my sister and I would willingly have shared what we have
with her it was our intention to do so at first if not for any length of time
at least as long as her health might require it Why I advised perhaps I only
yielded to advice a change of name an assumption of a false state of
widowhood was because I earnestly desired to place her in circumstances in
which she might work out her selfredemption and you sir know how terribly
the world goes against all such as have sinned as Ruth did She was so young
too«
»You mistake sir my acquaintance has not lain so much among that class of
sinners as to give me much experience of the way in which they are treated But
judging from what I have seen I should say they meet with full as much leniency
as they deserve and supposing they do not I know there are plenty of sickly
sentimentalists just now who reserve all their interest and regard for criminals
why not pick out one of these to help you in your task of washing the
blackamoor white Why choose me to be imposed upon my household into which to
intrude your protégée Why were my innocent children to be exposed to
corruption I say« said Mr Bradshaw stamping his foot »how dared you come
into this house where you were looked upon as a minister of religion with a
lie in your mouth How dared you single me out of all people to be gulled and
deceived and pointed at through the town as the person who had taken an
abandoned woman into his house to teach his daughters«
»I own my deceit was wrong and faithless«
»Yes you can own it now it is found out There is small merit in that I
think«
»Sir I claim no merit I take shame to myself I did not single you out
You applied to me with your proposal that Ruth should be your childrens
governess«
»Pah«
»And the temptation was too great no I will not say that but the
temptation was greater than I could stand it seemed to open out a path of
usefulness«
»Now dont let me hear you speak so« said Mr Bradshaw blazing up »I
cant stand it It is too much to talk in that way when the usefulness was to
consist in contaminating my innocent girls«
»God knows that if I had believed there had been any danger of such
contamination God knows how I would have died sooner than have allowed her to
enter your family Mr Bradshaw you believe me dont you« asked Mr Benson
earnestly
»I really must be allowed the privilege of doubting what you say in future«
said Mr Bradshaw in a cold contemptuous manner
»I have deserved this« Mr Benson replied »But« continued he after a
moments pause »I will not speak of myself but of Ruth Surely sir the end I
aimed at the means I took to obtain it were wrong you cannot feel that more
than I do was a right one and you will not you cannot say that your children
have suffered from associating with her I had her in my family under the
watchful eyes of three anxious persons for a year or more we saw faults no
human being is without them and poor Ruths were but slight venial errors but
we saw no sign of a corrupt mind no glimpse of boldness or forwardness no
token of want of conscientiousness she seemed and was a young and gentle
girl who had been led astray before she fairly knew what life was«
»I suppose most depraved women have been innocent in their time« said Mr
Bradshaw with bitter contempt
»Oh Mr Bradshaw Ruth was not depraved and you know it You cannot have
seen her have known her daily all these years without acknowledging that«
Mr Benson was almost breathless awaiting Mr Bradshaws answer The quiet
selfcontrol which he had maintained so long was gone now
»I saw her daily I did not know her If I had known her I should have
known she was fallen and depraved and consequently not fit to come into my
house nor to associate with my pure children«
»Now I wish God would give me power to speak out convincingly what I believe
to be His truth that not every woman who has fallen is depraved that many
how many the Great Judgment Day will reveal to those who have shaken off the
poor sore penitent hearts on earth many many crave and hunger after a
chance of virtue the help which no man gives to them help that gentle
tender help which Jesus gave once to Mary Magdalen« Mr Benson was almost
choked by his own feelings
»Come come Mr Benson let us have no more of this morbid way of talking
The world has decided how such women are to be treated and you may depend upon
it there is so much practical wisdom in the world that its way of acting is
right in the longrun and that no one can fly in its face with impunity
unless indeed they stoop to deceit and imposition«
»I take my stand with Christ against the world« said Mr Benson solemnly
disregarding the covert allusion to himself »What have the worlds ways ended
in Can we be much worse than we are«
»Speak for yourself if you please«
»Is it not time to change some of our ways of thinking and acting I declare
before God that if I believe in any one human truth it is this that to every
woman who like Ruth has sinned should be given a chance of selfredemption
and that such a chance should be given in no supercilious or contemptuous
manner but in the spirit of the holy Christ«
»Such as getting her into a friends house under false colours«
»I do not argue on Ruths case In that I have acknowledged my error I do
not argue on any case I state my firm belief that it is Gods will that we
should not dare to trample any of His creatures down to the hopeless dust that
it is Gods will that the women who have fallen should be numbered among those
who have broken hearts to be bound up not cast aside as lost beyond recall If
this be Gods will as a thing of God it will stand and He will open a way«
»I should have attached much more importance to all your exhortation on this
point if I could have respected your conduct in other matters As it is when I
see a man who has deluded himself into considering falsehood right I am
disinclined to take his opinion on subjects connected with morality and I can
no longer regard him as a fitting exponent of the will of God You perhaps
understand what I mean Mr Benson I can no longer attend your chapel«
If Mr Benson had felt any hope of making Mr Bradshaws obstinate mind
receive the truth that he acknowledged and repented of his connivance at the
falsehood by means of which Ruth had been received into the Bradshaw family
this last sentence prevented his making the attempt He simply bowed and took
his leave Mr Bradshaw attending him to the door with formal ceremony
He felt acutely the severance of the tie which Mr Bradshaw had just
announced to him He had experienced many mortifications in his intercourse with
that gentleman but they had fallen off from his meek spirit like drops of water
from a birds plumage and now he only remembered the acts of substantial
kindness rendered the ostentation all forgotten many happy hours and
pleasant evenings the children whom he had loved dearer than he thought till
now the young people about whom he had cared and whom he had striven to lead
aright He was but a young man when Mr Bradshaw first came to his chapel they
had grown old together he had never recognised Mr Bradshaw as an old familiar
friend so completely as now when they were severed
It was with a heavy heart that he opened his own door He went to his study
immediately he sat down to steady himself into his position
How long he was there silent and alone reviewing his life confessing
his sins he did not know but he heard some unusual sound in the house that
disturbed him roused him to present life A slow languid step came along the
passage to the front door the breathing was broken by many sighs
Ruths hand was on the latch when Mr Benson came out Her face was very
white except two red spots on each cheek her eyes were deepsunk and hollow
but glittered with feverish lustre »Ruth« exclaimed he She moved her lips
but her throat and mouth were too dry for her to speak
»Where are you going« asked he for she had all her walking things on yet
trembled so even as she stood that it was evident she could not walk far
without falling
She hesitated she looked up at him still with the same dry glittering
eyes At last she whispered for she could only speak in a whisper »To Helmsby
I am going to Helmsby«
»Helmsby my poor girl may God have mercy upon you« for he saw she hardly
knew what she was saying »Where is Helmsby«
»I dont know In Lincolnshire I think«
»But why are you going there«
»Hush hes asleep« said she as Mr Benson had unconsciously raised his
voice
»Who is asleep« asked Mr Benson
»That poor little boy« said she beginning to quiver and cry
»Come here« said he authoritatively drawing her into the study
»Sit down in that chair I will come back directly«
He went in search of his sister but she had not returned Then he had
recourse to Sally who was as busy as ever about her cleaning
»How long has Ruth been at home« asked he
»Ruth She has never been at home sin morning She and Leonard were to be
off for the day somewhere or other with them Bradshaw girls«
»Then she has had no dinner«
»Not here any rate I cant answer for what she may have done at other
places«
»And Leonard where is he«
»How should I know With his mother I suppose Leastways that was what was
fixed on Ive enough to do of my own without routing after other folks«
She went on scouring in no very good temper Mr Benson stood silent for a
moment
»Sally« he said »I want a cup of tea Will you make it as soon as you can
and some dry toast too Ill come for it in ten minutes«
Struck by something in his voice she looked up at him for the first time
»What ha ye been doing to yourself to look so grim and grey Tiring
yourself all to tatters looking after some naught Ill be bound Well well I
mun make ye your tea I reckon but I did hope as you grew older youd ha grown
wiser«
Mr Benson made no reply but went to look for Leonard hoping that the
childs presence might bring back to his mother the power of selfcontrol He
opened the parlourdoor and looked in but saw no one Just as he was shutting
it however he heard a deep broken sobbing sigh and guided by the sound he
found the boy lying on the floor fast asleep but with his features all swollen
and disfigured by passionate crying
»Poor child This was what she meant then« thought Mr Benson »He has
begun his share of the sorrows too« he continued pitifully »No I will not
waken him back to consciousness« So he returned alone into the study Ruth sat
where he had placed her her head bent back and her eyes shut But when he came
in she started up
»I must be going« she said in a hurried way
»Nay Ruth you must not go You must not leave us We cannot do without
you We love you too much«
»Love me« said she looking at him wistfully As she looked her eyes
filled slowly with tears It was a good sign and Mr Benson took heart to go
on
»Yes Ruth You know we do You may have other things to fill up your mind
just now but you know we love you and nothing can alter our love for you You
ought not to have thought of leaving us You would not if you had been quite
well«
»Do you know what has happened« she asked in a low hoarse voice
»Yes I know all« he answered »It makes no difference to us Why should
it«
»Oh Mr Benson dont you know that my shame is discovered« she replied
bursting into tears »and I must leave you and leave Leonard that you may not
share in my disgrace«
»You must do no such thing Leave Leonard You have no right to leave
Leonard Where could you go to«
»To Helmsby« she said humbly »It would break my heart to go but I thing I
ought for Leonards sake I know I ought« She was crying sadly by this time
but Mr Benson knew the flow of tears would ease her brain »It will break my
heart to go but I know I must«
»Sit still here at present« said he in a decided tone of command He went
for the cup of tea He brought it to her without Sallys being aware for whom it
was intended
»Drink this« He spoke as you would do to a child if desiring it to take
medicine »Eat some toast« She took the tea and drank it feverishly but when
she tried to eat the food seemed to choke her Still she was docile and she
tried
»I cannot« said she at last putting down the piece of toast There was a
return of something of her usual tone in the words She spoke gently and softly
no longer in the shrill hoarse voice she had used at first Mr Benson sat down
by her
»Now Ruth we must talk a little together I want to understand what your
plan was Where is Helmsby Why did you fix to go there«
»It is where my mother lived« she answered »Before she was married she
lived there and wherever she lived the people all loved her dearly and I
thought I think that for her sake some one would give me work I meant to
tell them the truth« said she dropping her eyes »but still they would
perhaps give me some employment I dont care what for her sake I could do
many things« said she suddenly looking up »I am sure I could weed I could
in gardens if they did not like to have me in their houses But perhaps some
one for my mothers sake oh my dear dear mother do you know where and
what I am« she cried out sobbing afresh
Mr Bensons heart was very sore though he spoke authoritatively and
almost sternly
»Ruth you must be still and quiet I cannot have this I want you to listen
to me Your thought of Helmsby would be a good one if it was right for you to
leave Eccleston but I do not think it is I am certain of this that it would
be a great sin in you to separate yourself from Leonard You have no right to
sever the tie by which God has bound you together«
»But if I am here they will all know and remember the shame of his birth
and if I go away they may forget«
»And they may not And if you go away he may be unhappy or ill and you
who above all others have and have from God remember that Ruth the power
to comfort him the tender patience to nurse him have left him to the care of
strangers Yes I know But we ourselves are as strangers dearly as we love
him compared to a mother He may turn to sin and want the long forbearance
the serene authority of a parent and where are you No dread of shame either
for yourself or even for him can ever make it right for you to shake off your
responsibility« All this time he was watching her narrowly and saw her slowly
yield herself up to the force of what he was saying
»Besides Ruth« he continued »we have gone on falsely hitherto It has
been my doing my mistake my sin I ought to have known better Now let us
stand firm on the truth You have no new fault to repent of Be brave and
faithful It is to God you answer not to men The shame of having your sin
known to the world should be as nothing to the shame you felt at having sinned
We have dreaded men too much and God too little in the course we have taken
But now be of good cheer Perhaps you will have to find your work in the world
very low not quite working in the fields« said he with a gentle smile to
which she downcast and miserable could give no response »Nay perhaps Ruth«
he went on »you may have to stand and wait for some time no one may be willing
to use the services you would gladly render all may turn aside from you and
may speak very harshly of you Can you accept all this treatment meekly as but
the reasonable and just penance God has laid upon you feeling no anger against
those who slight you no impatience for the time to come and come it surely
will I speak as having the word of God for what I say when He having
purified you even as by fire will make a straight path for your feet My
child it is Christ the Lord who has told us of this infinite mercy of God Have
you faith enough in it to be brave and bear on and do rightly in patience and
in tribulation«
Ruth had been hushed and very still until now when the pleading earnestness
of his question urged her to answer
»Yes« said she »I hope I believe I can be faithful for myself for I
have sinned and done wrong But Leonard« She looked up at him
»But Leonard« he echoed »Ah there it is hard Ruth I own the world is
hard and persecuting to such as he« He paused to think of the true comfort for
this sting He went on »The world is not everything Ruth nor is the want of
mens good opinion and esteem the highest need which man has Teach Leonard
this You would not wish his life to be one summers day You dared not make it
so if you had the power Teach him to bid a noble Christian welcome to the
trials which God sends and this is one of them Teach him not to look on a
life of struggle and perhaps of disappointment and incompleteness as a sad and
mournful end but as the means permitted to the heroes and warriors in the army
of Christ by which to show their faithful following Tell him of the hard and
thorny path which was trodden once by the bleeding feet of One Ruth think of
the Saviours life and cruel death and of His divine faithfulness Oh Ruth«
exclaimed he »when I look and see what you may be what you must be to that
boy I cannot think how you could be coward enough for a moment to shrink from
your work But we have all been cowards hitherto« he added in bitter
selfaccusation »God help us to be so no longer«
Ruth sat very quiet Her eyes were fixed on the ground and she seemed lost
in thought At length she rose up
»Mr Benson« said she standing before him and propping herself by the
table as she was trembling sadly from weakness »I mean to try very very hard
to do my duty to Leonard and to God« she added reverently »I am only afraid
my faith may sometimes fail about Leonard«
»Ask and it shall be given unto you That is no vain or untried promise
Ruth«
She sat down again unable longer to stand There was another long silence
»I must never go to Mr Bradshaws again« she said at last as if thinking
aloud
»No Ruth you shall not« he answered
»But I shall earn no money« added she quickly for she thought that he did
not perceive the difficulty that was troubling her
»You surely know Ruth that while Faith and I have a roof to shelter us
or bread to eat you and Leonard share it with us«
»I know I know your most tender goodness« said she »but it ought not to
be«
»It must be at present« he said in a decided manner »Perhaps before long
you may have some employment perhaps it may be some time before an opportunity
occurs«
»Hush« said Ruth »Leonard is moving about in the parlour I must go to
him«
But when she stood up she turned so dizzy and tottered so much that she
was glad to sit down again immediately
»You must rest here I will go to him« said Mr Benson He left her and
when he was gone she leaned her head on the back of the chair and cried
quietly and incessantly but there was a more patient hopeful resolved feeling
in the heart which all along through all the tears she shed bore her onwards
to higher thoughts until at last she rose to prayers
Mr Benson caught the new look of shrinking shame in Leonards eye as it
first sought then shunned meeting his He was pained too by the sight of the
little sorrowful anxious face on which until now hope and joy had been
predominant The constrained voice the few words the boy spoke when formerly
there would have been a glad and free utterance all this grieved Mr Benson
inexpressibly as but the beginning of an unwonted mortification which must
last for years He himself made no allusion to any unusual occurrence he spoke
of Ruth as sitting overcome by headache in the study for quietness he hurried
on the preparations for tea while Leonard sat by in the great armchair and
looked on with sad dreamy eyes He strove to lessen the shock which he knew
Leonard had received by every mixture of tenderness and cheerfulness that Mr
Bensons gentle heart prompted and now and then a languid smile stole over the
boys face When his bedtime came Mr Benson told him of the hour although he
feared that Leonard would have but another sorrowful crying of himself to sleep
but he was anxious to accustom the boy to cheerful movement within the limits of
domestic law and by no disobedience to it to weaken the power of glad
submission to the Supreme to begin the new life that lay before him where
strength to look up to God as the Lawgiver and Ruler of events would be
preeminently required When Leonard had gone upstairs Mr Benson went
immediately to Ruth and said
»Ruth Leonard is just gone up to bed« secure in the instinct which made
her silently rise and go up to the boy certain too that they would each be
the others best comforter and that God would strengthen each through the
other
Now for the first time he had leisure to think of himself and to go over
all the events of the day The halfhour of solitude in his study that he had
before his sisters return was of inestimable value he had leisure to put
events in their true places as to importance and eternal significance
Miss Faith came in laden with farm produce Her kind entertainers had
brought her in their shandry to the opening of the court in which the
Chapelhouse stood but she was so heavily burdened with eggs mushrooms and
plums that when her brother opened the door she was almost breathless
»Oh Thurstan take this basket it is such a weight Oh Sally is that
you Here are some magnumbonums which we must preserve tomorrow There are
guineafowl eggs in that basket«
Mr Benson let her unburden her body and her mind too by giving charges to
Sally respecting her housekeeping treasures before he said a word but when she
returned into the study to tell him the small pieces of intelligence respecting
her day at the farm she stood aghast
»Why Thurstan dear Whats the matter Is your back hurting you«
He smiled to reassure her but it was a sickly and forced smile
»No Faith I am quite well only rather out of spirits and wanting to talk
to you to cheer me«
Miss Faith sat down straight sitting boltupright to listen the better
»I dont know how but the real story about Ruth is found out«
»Oh Thurstan« exclaimed Miss Benson turning quite white
For a moment neither of them said another word Then she went on
»Does Mr Bradshaw know«
»Yes He sent for me and told me«
»Does Ruth know that it has all come out«
»Yes And Leonard knows«
»How Who told him«
»I do not know I have asked no questions But of course it was his mother«
»She was very foolish and cruel then« said Miss Benson her eyes blazing
and her lips trembling at the thought of the suffering her darling boy must
have gone through
»I think she was wise I am sure it was not cruel He must have soon known
that there was some mystery and it was better that it should be told him openly
and quietly by his mother than by a stranger«
»How could she tell him quietly« asked Miss Benson still indignant
»Well perhaps I used the wrong word of course no one was by and I dont
suppose even they themselves could now tell how it was told or in what spirit
it was borne«
Miss Benson was silent again
»Was Mr Bradshaw very angry«
»Yes very and justly so I did very wrong in making that false statement
at first«
»No I am sure you did not« said Miss Faith »Ruth has had some years of
peace in which to grow stronger and wiser so that she can bear her shame now
in a way she never could have done at first«
»All the same it was wrong in me to do what I did«
»I did it too as much or more than you And I dont think it wrong Im
certain it was quite right and I would do just the same again«
»Perhaps it has not done you the harm it has done me«
»Nonsense Thurstan Dont be morbid Im sure you are as good and better
than ever you were«
»No I am not I have got what you call morbid just in consequence of the
sophistry by which I persuaded myself that wrong could be right I torment
myself I have lost my clear instincts of conscience Formerly if I believed
that such or such an action was according to the will of God I went and did it
or at least I tried to do it without thinking of consequences Now I reason
and weigh what will happen if I do so and so I grope where formerly I saw Oh
Faith it is such a relief to me to have the truth known that I am afraid I
have not been sufficiently sympathising with Ruth«
»Poor Ruth« said Miss Benson »But at any rate our telling a lie has been
the saving of her There is no fear of her going wrong now«
»Gods omnipotence did not need our sin«
They did not speak for some time
»You have not told me what Mr Bradshaw said«
»One cant remember the exact words that are spoken on either side in
moments of such strong excitement He was very angry and said some things about
me that were very just and some about Ruth that were very hard His last words
were that he should give up coming to chapel«
»Oh Thurstan did it come to that«
»Yes«
»Does Ruth know all he said«
»No Why should she I dont know if she knows he has spoken to me at all
Poor creature she had enough to craze her almost without that She was for
going away and leaving us that we might not share in her disgrace I was afraid
of her being quite delirious I did so want you Faith However I did the best
I could I spoke to her very coldly and almost sternly all the while my heart
was bleeding for her I dared not give her sympathy I tried to give her
strength But I did so want you Faith«
»And I was so full of enjoyment I am ashamed to think of it But the
Dawsons are so kind and the day was so fine Where is Ruth now«
»With Leonard He is her great earthly motive I thought that being with
him would be best But he must be in bed and asleep now«
»I will go up to her« said Miss Faith
She found Ruth keeping watch by Leonards troubled sleep but when she saw
Miss Faith she rose up and threw herself on her neck and clung to her without
speaking After a while Miss Benson said
»You must go to bed Ruth« So after she had kissed the sleeping boy Miss
Benson led her away and helped to undress her and brought her up a cup of
soothing violettea not so soothing as tender actions and soft loving tones
Chapter XXVIII
An Understanding Between Lovers
It was well they had so early and so truly strengthened the spirit to bear for
the events which had to be endured soon came thick and threefold
Every evening Mr and Miss Benson thought the worst must be over and every
day brought some fresh occurrence to touch upon the raw place They could not be
certain until they had seen all their acquaintances what difference it would
make in the cordiality of their reception in some cases it made much and Miss
Benson was proportionably indignant She felt this change in behaviour more than
her brother His great pain arose from the coolness of the Bradshaws With all
the faults which had at times grated on his sensitive nature but which he now
forgot and remembered only their kindness they were his old familiar friends
his kind if ostentatious patrons his great personal interest out of his
own family and he could not get over the suffering he experienced from seeing
their large square pew empty on Sundays from perceiving how Mr Bradshaw
though he bowed in a distant manner when he and Mr Benson met face to face
shunned him as often as he possibly could All that happened in the household
which once was as patent to him as his own was now a sealed book he heard of
its doings by chance if he heard at all Just at the time when he was feeling
the most depressed from this cause he met Jemima at a sudden turn of the
street He was uncertain for a moment how to accost her but she saved him all
doubt in an instant she had his hand in both of hers her face flushed with
honest delight
»Oh Mr Benson I am so glad to see you I have so wanted to know all about
you How is poor Ruth dear Ruth I wonder if she has forgiven me my cruelty to
her And I may not go to her now when I should be so glad and thankful to make
up for it«
»I never heard you had been cruel to her I am sure she does not think so«
»She ought she must What is she doing Oh I have so much to ask I can
never hear enough and papa says« she hesitated a moment afraid of giving
pain and then believing that they would understand the state of affairs and
the reason for her behaviour better if she told the truth she went on »Papa
says I must not go to your house I suppose its right to obey him«
»Certainly my dear It is your clear duty We know how you feel towards
us«
»Oh but if I could do any good if I could be of any use or comfort to any
of you especially to Ruth I should come duty or not I believe it would be
my duty« said she hurrying on to try and stop any decided prohibition from Mr
Benson »No dont be afraid I wont come till I know I can do some good I
hear bits about you through Sally every now and then or I could not have waited
so long Mr Benson« continued she reddening very much »I think you did quite
right about poor Ruth«
»Not in the falsehood my dear«
»No not perhaps in that I was not thinking of that But I have been
thinking a great deal about poor Ruths you know I could not help it when
everybody was talking about it and it made me think of myself and what I am
With a father and mother and home and careful friends I am not likely to be
tempted like Ruth but oh Mr Benson« said she lifting her eyes which were
full of tears to his face for the first time since she began to speak »if you
knew all I have been thinking and feeling this last year you would see how I
have yielded to every temptation that was able to come to me and seeing how I
have no goodness or strength in me and how I might just have been like Ruth or
rather worse than she ever was because I am more headstrong and passionate by
nature I do so thank you and love you for what you did for her And will you
tell me really and truly now if I can ever do anything for Ruth If youll
promise me that I wont rebel unnecessarily against papa but if you dont I
will and come and see you all this very afternoon Remember I trust you« said
she breaking away Then turning back she came to ask after Leonard
»He must know something of it« said she »Does he feel it much«
»Very much« said Mr Benson Jemima shook her head sadly
»It is hard upon him« said she
»It is« Mr Benson replied
For in truth Leonard was their greatest anxiety indoors His health seemed
shaken he spoke half sentences in his sleep which showed that in his dreams he
was battling on his mothers behalf against an unkind and angry world And then
he would wail to himself and utter sad words of shame which they never thought
had reached his ears By day he was in general grave and quiet but his
appetite varied and he was evidently afraid of going into the streets dreading
to be pointed at as an object of remark Each separately in their hearts longed
to give him change of scene but they were all silent for where was the
requisite money to come from
His temper became fitful and variable At times he would be most sullen
against his mother and then give way to a passionate remorse When Mr Benson
caught Ruths look of agony at her childs rebuffs his patience failed or
rather I should say he believed that a stronger severer hand than hers was
required for the management of the lad But when she heard Mr Benson say so
she pleaded with him
»Have patience with Leonard« she said »I have deserved the anger that is
fretting in his heart It is only I who can reinstate myself in his love and
respect I have no fear When he sees me really striving hard and long to do
what is right he must love me I am not afraid«
Even while she spoke her lips quivered and her colour went and came with
eager anxiety So Mr Benson held his peace and let her take her course It was
beautiful to see the intuition by which she divined what was passing in every
fold of her childs heart so as to be always ready with the right words to
soothe or to strengthen him Her watchfulness was unwearied and with no thought
of selftainting in it or else she might have often paused to turn aside and
weep at the clouds of shame which came over Leonards love for her and hid it
from all but her faithful heart she believed and knew that he was yet her own
affectionate boy although he might be gloomily silent or apparently hard and
cold And in all this Mr Benson could not choose but admire the way in which
she was insensibly teaching Leonard to conform to the law of right to recognise
duty in the mode in which every action was performed When Mr Benson saw this
he knew that all goodness would follow and that the claims which his mothers
infinite love had on the boys heart would be acknowledged at last and all the
more fully because she herself never urged them but silently admitted the force
of the reason that caused them to be for a time forgotten Byandby Leonards
remorse at his ungracious and sullen ways to his mother ways that alternated
with passionate fitful bursts of clinging love assumed more the character of
repentance he tried to do so no more But still his health was delicate he was
averse to going outofdoors he was much graver and sadder than became his age
It was what must be an inevitable consequence of what had been and Ruth had to
be patient and pray in secret and with many tears for the strength she
needed
She knew what it was to dread the going out into the streets after her story
had become known For days and days she had silently shrunk from this effort
But one evening towards dusk Miss Benson was busy and asked her to go an
errand for her and Ruth got up and silently obeyed her That silence as to
inward suffering was only one part of her peculiar and exquisite sweetness of
nature part of the patience with which she accepted her penance Her true
instincts told her that it was not right to disturb others with many expressions
of her remorse that the holiest repentance consisted in a quiet and daily
sacrifice Still there were times when she wearied pitifully of her inaction
She was so willing to serve and work and every one despised her services Her
mind as I have said before had been well cultivated during these last few
years so now she used all the knowledge she had gained in teaching Leonard
which was an employment that Mr Benson relinquished willingly because he felt
that it would give her some of the occupation that she needed She endeavoured
to make herself useful in the house in every way she could but the waters of
housekeeping had closed over her place during the time of her absence at Mr
Bradshaws and besides now that they were trying to restrict every
unnecessary expense it was sometimes difficult to find work for three women
Many and many a time Ruth turned over in her mind every possible chance of
obtaining employment for her leisure hours and nowhere could she find it Now
and then Sally who was her confidante in this wish procured her some
needlework but it was of a coarse and common kind soon done lightly paid for
But whatever it was Ruth took it and was thankful although it added but a
few pence to the household purse I do not mean that there was any great need of
money but a new adjustment of expenditure was required a reduction of wants
which had never been very extravagant
Ruths salary of forty pounds was gone while more of her keep as Sally
called it was thrown upon the Bensons Mr Benson received about eighty pounds
a year for his salary as minister Of this he knew that twenty pounds came from
Mr Bradshaw and when the old man appointed to collect the pewrents brought
him the quarterly amount and he found no diminution in them he inquired how it
was and learnt that although Mr Bradshaw had expressed to the collector his
determination never to come to chapel again he had added that of course his
pewrent should be paid all the same But this Mr Benson could not suffer and
the old man was commissioned to return the money to Mr Bradshaw as being what
his deserted minister could not receive
Mr and Miss Benson had about thirty or forty pounds coming in annually from
a sum which in happier days Mr Bradshaw had invested in Canal shares for
them Altogether their income did not fall much short of a hundred a year and
they lived in the Chapelhouse free of rent So Ruths small earnings were but
very little in actual hard commercial account though in another sense they were
much and Miss Benson always received them with quiet simplicity By degrees
Mr Benson absorbed some of Ruths time in a gracious and natural way He
employed her mind in all the kind offices he was accustomed to render to the
poor around him And as much of the peace and ornament of life as they gained
now was gained on a firm basis of truth If Ruth began low down to find her
place in the world at any rate there was no flaw in the foundation
Leonard was still their great anxiety At times the question seemed to be
could he live through all this trial of the elasticity of childhood And then
they knew how precious a blessing how true a pillar of fire he was to his
mother and how black the night and how dreary the wilderness would be when he
was not The child and the mother were each messengers of God angels to each
other
They had long gaps between the pieces of intelligence respecting the
Bradshaws Mr Bradshaw had at length purchased the house at Abermouth and they
were much there The way in which the Bensons heard most frequently of the
family of their former friends was through Mr Farquhar He called on Mr
Benson about a month after the latter had met Jemima in the street Mr Farquhar
was not in the habit of paying calls on any one and though he had always
entertained and evinced the most kind and friendly feeling towards Mr Benson
he had rarely been in the Chapelhouse Mr Benson received him courteously but
he rather expected that there would be some especial reason alleged before the
conclusion of the visit for its occurrence more particularly as Mr Farquhar
sat talking on the topics of the day in a somewhat absent manner as if they
were not the subjects most present to his mind The truth was he could not help
recurring to the last time when he was in that room waiting to take Leonard a
ride and his heart beating rather more quickly than usual at the idea that Ruth
might bring the boy in when he was equipped He was very full now of the
remembrance of Ruth and yet he was also most thankful most selfgratulatory
that he had gone no further in his admiration of her that he had never
expressed his regard in words that no one as he believed was cognisant of
the incipient love which had grown partly out of his admiration and partly out
of his reason He was thankful to be spared any implication in the ninedays
wonder which her story had made in Eccleston And yet his feeling for her had
been of so strong a character that he winced as with extreme pain at every
application of censure to her name These censures were often exaggerated it is
true but when they were just in their judgment of the outward circumstances of
the case they were not the less painful and distressing to him His first
rebound to Jemima was occasioned by Mrs Bradshaws account of how severely her
husband was displeased at her daughters having taken part with Ruth and he
could have thanked and almost blessed Jemima when she dropped in she dared do
no more her pleading excuses and charitable explanations on Ruths behalf
Jemima had learnt some humility from the discovery which had been to her so
great a shock standing she had learnt to take heed lest she fell and when
she had once been aroused to a perception of the violence of the hatred which
she had indulged against Ruth she was more reticent and measured in the
expression of all her opinions It showed how much her character had been
purified from pride that now she felt aware that what in her was again
attracting Mr Farquhar was her faithful advocacy of her rival wherever such
advocacy was wise or practicable He was quite unaware that Jemima had been
conscious of his great admiration for Ruth he did not know that she had ever
cared enough for him to be jealous But the unacknowledged bond between them now
was their grief and sympathy and pity for Ruth only in Jemima these feelings
were ardent and would fain have become active while in Mr Farquhar they were
strongly mingled with thankfulness that he had escaped a disagreeable position
and a painful notoriety His natural caution induced him to make a resolution
never to think of any woman as a wife until he had ascertained all her
antecedents from her birth upwards and the same spirit of caution directed
inwardly made him afraid of giving too much pity to Ruth for fear of the
conclusions to which such a feeling might lead him But still his old regard for
her for Leonard and his esteem and respect for the Bensons induced him to
lend a willing ear to Jemimas earnest entreaty that he would go and call on Mr
Benson in order that she might learn something about the family in general and
Ruth in particular It was thus that he came to sit by Mr Bensons study fire
and to talk in an absent way to that gentleman How they got on the subject he
did not know more than onehalf of his attention being distracted but they
were speaking about politics when Mr Farquhar learned that Mr Benson took in
no newspaper
»Will you allow me to send you over my Times I have generally done with it
before twelve oclock and after that it is really wastepaper in my house You
will oblige me by making use of it«
»I am sure I am very much obliged to you for thinking of it But do not
trouble yourself to send it Leonard can fetch it«
»How is Leonard now« asked Mr Farquhar and he tried to speak
indifferently but a grave look of intelligence clouded his eyes as he looked
for Mr Bensons answer »I have not met him lately«
»No« said Mr Benson with an expression of pain in his countenance though
he too strove to speak in his usual tone
»Leonard is not strong and we find it difficult to induce him to go much
outofdoors«
There was a little silence for a minute or two during which Mr Farquhar
had to check an unbidden sigh But suddenly rousing himself into a
determination to change the subject he said
»You will find rather a lengthened account of the exposure of Sir Thomas
Campbells conduct at Baden He seems to be a complete blackleg in spite of his
baronetcy I fancy the papers are glad to get hold of anything just now«
»Who is Sir Thomas Campbell« asked Mr Benson
»Oh I thought you might have heard the report a true one I believe of
Mr Donnes engagement to his daughter He must be glad she jilted him now I
fancy after this public exposure of her fathers conduct« That was an awkward
speech as Mr Farquhar felt and he hastened to cover it by going on without
much connection
»Dick Bradshaw is my informant about all these projected marriages in high
life they are not much in my way but since he has come down from London to
take his share in the business I think I have heard more of the news and the
scandal of what I suppose would be considered high life than ever I did
before and Mr Donnes proceedings seem to be an especial object of interest to
him«
»And Mr Donne is engaged to a Miss Campbell is he«
»Was engaged if I understood right she broke off the engagement to marry
some Russian prince or other a better match Dick Bradshaw told me I assure
you« continued Mr Farquhar smiling »I am a very passive recipient of all
such intelligence and might very probably have forgotten all about it if the
Times of this morning had not been so full of the disgrace of the young ladys
father«
»Richard Bradshaw has quite left London has he« asked Mr Benson who felt
far more interest in his old patrons family than in all the Campbells that ever
were or ever would be
»Yes He has come to settle down here I hope he may do well and not
disappoint his father who has formed very high expectations from him I am not
sure if they are not too high for any young man to realise« Mr Farquhar could
have said more but Dick Bradshaw was Jemimas brother and an object of anxiety
to her
»I am sure I trust such a mortification such a grief as any
disappointment in Richard may not befall his father« replied Mr Benson
»Jemima Miss Bradshaw« said Mr Farquhar hesitating »was most anxious
to hear of you all I hope I may tell her you are all well« with an emphasis on
all »that«
»Thank you Thank her for us We are all well all except Leonard who is
not strong as I said before But we must be patient Time and such devoted
tender love as he has from his mother must do much«
Mr Farquhar was silent
»Send him to my house for the papers It will be a little necessity for him
to have some regular exercise and to face the world He must do it sooner or
later«
The two gentlemen shook hands with each other warmly on parting but no
further allusion was made to either Ruth or Leonard
So Leonard went for the papers Stealing along by back streets running
with his head bent down his little heart panting with dread of being pointed
out as his mothers child so he used to come back and run trembling to Sally
who would hush him up to her breast with many a roughspoken word of pity and
sympathy
Mr Farquhar tried to catch him to speak to him and tame him as it were
and byandby he contrived to interest him sufficiently to induce the boy to
stay a little while in the house or stables or garden But the race through the
streets was always to be dreaded as the end of ever so pleasant a visit
Mr Farquhar kept up the intercourse with the Bensons which he had thus
begun He persevered in paying calls quiet visits where not much was said
political or local news talked about and the same inquiries always made and
answered as to the welfare of the two families who were estranged from each
other Mr Farquhars reports were so little varied that Jemima grew anxious to
know more particulars
»Oh Mr Farquhar« said she »do you think they tell you the truth I
wonder what Ruth can be doing to support herself and Leonard Nothing that you
can hear of you say and of course one must not ask the downright question
And yet I am sure they must be pinched in some way Do you think Leonard is
stronger«
»I am not sure He is growing fast and such a blow as he has had will be
certain to make him more thoughtful and full of care than most boys of his age
both these circumstances may make him thin and pale which he certainly is«
»Oh how I wish I might go and see them all I could tell in a twinkling the
real state of things« She spoke with a tinge of her old impatience
»I will go again and pay particular attention to anything you wish me to
observe You see of course I feel a delicacy about asking any direct
questions or even alluding in any way to these late occurrences«
»And you never see Ruth by any chance«
»Never«
They did not look at each other while this last question was asked and
answered
»I will take the paper tomorrow myself it will be an excuse for calling
again and I will try to be very penetrating but I have not much hope of
success«
»Oh thank you It is giving you a great deal of trouble but you are very
kind«
»Kind Jemima« he repeated in a tone which made her go very red and hot
»must I tell you how you can reward me Will you call me Walter say thank
you Walter just for once«
Jemima felt herself yielding to the voice and tone in which this was spoken
but her very consciousness of the depth of her love made her afraid of giving
way and anxious to be wooed that she might be reinstated in her selfesteem
»No« said she »I dont think I can call you so You are too old It would
not be respectful« She meant it half in joke and had no idea he would take the
allusion to his age so seriously as he did He rose up and coldly as a matter
of form in a changed voice wished her »Goodbye« Her heart sank yet the old
pride was there But as he was at the very door some sudden impulse made her
speak
»I have not vexed you have I Walter«
He turned round glowing with a thrill of delight She was as red as any
rose her looks dropped down to the ground
They were not raised when halfanhour afterwards she said »You wont
forbid my going to see Ruth will you because if you do I give you notice I
shall disobey you« The arm around her waist clasped her yet more fondly at the
idea suggested by this speech of the control which he should have a right to
exercise over her actions at some future day
»Tell me« said he »how much of your goodness to me this last happy hour
has been owing to the desire of having more freedom as a wife than as a
daughter«
She was almost glad that he should think she needed any additional motive to
her love for him before she could have accepted him She was afraid that she had
betrayed the deep passionate regard with which she had long looked upon him
She was lost in delight at her own happiness She was silent for a time At
length she said
»I dont think you know how faithful I have been to you ever since the days
when you first brought me pistachiocandy from London when I was quite a
little girl«
»Not more faithful than I have been to you« for in truth the recollection
of his love for Ruth had utterly faded away and he thought himself a model of
constancy »and you have tried me pretty well What a vixen you have been«
Jemima sighed smitten with the consciousness of how little she had deserved
her present happiness humble with the recollection of the evil thoughts that
had raged in her heart during the time which she remembered well though he may
have forgotten it when Ruth had had the affection which her jealous rival
coveted
»I may speak to your father may not I Jemima«
No for some reason or fancy which she could not define and could not be
persuaded out of she wished to keep their mutual understanding a secret She
had a natural desire to avoid the congratulations she expected from her family
She dreaded her fathers consideration of the whole affair as a satisfactory
disposal of his daughter to a worthy man who being his partner would not
require any abstraction of capital from the concern and Richards more noisy
delight at his sisters having hooked so good a match It was only her
simplehearted mother that she longed to tell She knew that her mothers
congratulations would not jar upon her though they might not sound the full
organpeal of her love But all that her mother knew passed onwards to her
father so for the present at any rate she determined to realise her secret
position alone Somehow the sympathy of all others that she most longed for was
Ruths but the first communication of such an event was due to her parents She
imposed very strict regulations on Mr Farquhars behaviour and quarrelled and
differed from him more than ever but with a secret joyful understanding with
him in her heart even while they disagreed with each other for similarity of
opinion is not always I think not often needed for fulness and perfection of
love
After Ruths detection as Mr Bradshaw used to call it he said he could
never trust another governess again so Mary and Elizabeth had been sent to
school the following Christmas and their place in the family was but poorly
supplied by the return of Mr Richard Bradshaw who had left London and been
received as a partner
Chapter XXIX
Sally Takes Her Money Out of the Bank
The conversation narrated in the last chapter as taking place between Mr
Farquhar and Jemima occurred about a year after Ruths dismissal from her
situation That year full of small events and change of place to the
Bradshaws had been monotonous and long in its course to the other household
There had been no want of peace and tranquillity there had perhaps been more
of them than in the preceding years when though unacknowledged by any all
must have occasionally felt the oppression of the falsehood and a slight
glancing dread must have flashed across their most prosperous state lest
somehow or another the mystery should be disclosed But now as the
shepherdboy in John Bunyan sweetly sang »He that is low need fear no fall«
Still their peace was as the stillness of a grey autumnal day when no sun
is to be seen above and when a quiet film seems drawn before both sky and
earth as if to rest the wearied eyes after the summers glare Few events broke
the monotony of their lives and those events were of a depressing kind They
consisted in Ruths futile endeavours to obtain some employment however humble
in Leonards fluctuations of spirits and health in Sallys increasing deafness
in the final and unmendable wearingout of the parlour carpet which there was
no spare money to replace and so they cheerfully supplied its want by a large
hearthrug that Ruth made out of ends of list and what was more a subject of
unceasing regret to Mr Benson than all the defection of some of the members of
his congregation who followed Mr Bradshaws lead Their places to be sure
were more than filled up by the poor who thronged to his chapel but still it
was a disappointment to find that people about whom he had been earnestly
thinking to whom he had laboured to do good should dissolve the connection
without a word of farewell or explanation Mr Benson did not wonder that they
should go nay he even felt it right that they should seek that spiritual help
from another which he by his error had forfeited his power to offer he only
wished they had spoken of their intention to him in an open and manly way But
not the less did he labour on among those to whom God permitted him to be of
use He felt age stealing upon him apace although he said nothing about it and
no one seemed to be aware of it and he worked the more diligently while it was
yet day It was not the number of his years that made him feel old for he was
only sixty and many men are hale and strong at that time of life in all
probability it was that early injury to his spine which affected the
constitution of his mind as well as his body and predisposed him in the
opinion of some at least to a feminine morbidness of conscience He had shaken
off somewhat of this since the affair with Mr Bradshaw he was simpler and more
dignified than he had been for several years before during which time he had
been anxious and uncertain in his manner and more given to thought than to
action
The one happy bright spot in this grey year was owing to Sally As she said
of herself she believed she grew more nattered as she grew older but that she
was conscious of her natteredness was a new thing and a great gain to the
comfort of the house for it made her very grateful for forbearance and more
aware of kindness than she had ever been before She had become very deaf yet
she was uneasy and jealous if she were not informed of all the family thoughts
plans and proceedings which often had however private in their details to be
shouted to her at the full pitch of the voice But she always heard Leonard
perfectly His clear and belllike voice which was similar to his mothers till
sorrow had taken the ring out of it was sure to be heard by the old servant
though every one else had failed Sometimes however she got her hearing
sudden as she phrased it and was alive to every word and noise more
particularly when they did not want her to hear and at such times she resented
their continuance of the habit of speaking loud as a mortal offence One day
her indignation at being thought deaf called out one of the rare smiles on
Leonards face she saw it and said »Bless thee lad if it but amuses thee
they may shout through a rams horn to me and Ill never let on Im not deaf
Its as good a use as I can be of« she continued to herself »if I can make
that poor lad smile a bit«
If she expected to be everybodys confidant she made Leonard hers »There«
said she when she came home from her marketing one Saturday night »look here
lad Heres fortytwo pound seven shillings and twopence Its a mint of money
isnt it I took it all in sovereigns for fear of fire«
»What is it all for Sally« said he
»Ay lad thats asking Its Mr Bensons money« said she mysteriously
»that Ive been keeping for him Is he in the study think ye«
»Yes I think so Where have you been keeping it«
»Never you mind« She went towards the study but thinking she might have
been hard on her darling in refusing to gratify his curiosity she turned back
and said
»I say if thou wilt thou mayest do me a job of work some day Im wanting
a frame made for a piece of writing«
And then she returned to go into the study carrying her sovereigns in her
apron
»Here Master Thurstan« said she pouring them out on the table before her
astonished master »Take it its all yours«
»All mine What can you mean« asked he bewildered
She did not hear him and went on
»Lock it up safe out o the way Dunnot go and leave it about to tempt
folks Ill not answer for myself if moneys left about I may be cribbing a
sovereign«
»But where does it come from« said he
»Come from« she replied »Where does all money come from but the bank to
be sure I thought any one could tell that«
»I have no money in the bank« said he more and more perplexed
»No I knowed that but I had Dunnot ye remember how ye would raise my wage
last Martinmas eighteen year You and Faith were very headstrong but I was too
deep for you See thee I went and put it i th bank I was never going to
touch it and if I had died it would have been all right for Id a will made
all regular and tight made by a lawyer leastwise he would have been a lawyer
if he hadnt got transported first And now thinks I I think Ill just go and
get it out and give it em Banks is not always safe«
»Ill take care of it for you with the greatest pleasure Still you know
banks allow interest«
»Dye suppose I dont know all about interest and compound interest too by
this time I tell ye I want ye to spend it Its your own Its not mine It
always was yours Now youre not going to fret me by saying you think it mine«
Mr Benson held out his hand to her for he could not speak She bent
forward to him as he sat there and kissed him
»Eh bless ye lad Its the first kiss Ive had of ye sin ye were a little
lad and its a great refreshment Now dont you and Faith go and bother me with
talking about it Its just yours and make no more ado«
She went back into the kitchen and brought out her will and gave Leonard
directions how to make a frame for it for the boy was a very tolerable joiner
and had a box of tools which Mr Bradshaw had given him some years ago
»Its a pity to lose such fine writing« said she »though I cant say as I
can read it Perhaps youd just read it for me Leonard« She sat openmouthed
with admiration at all the long words
The frame was made and the will hung up opposite to her bed unknown to any
one but Leonard and by dint of his repeated reading it over to her she learnt
all the words except testatrix which she would always call »testy tricks« Mr
Benson had been too much gratified and touched by her unconditional gift of all
she had in the world to reject it but he only held it in his hands as a
deposit until he could find a safe investment befitting so small a sum The
little rearrangements of the household expenditure had not touched him as they
had done the women He was aware that meatdinners were not now everyday
occurrences but he preferred puddings and vegetables and was glad of the
exchange He observed too that they all sat together in the kitchen in the
evenings but the kitchen with the wellscoured dresser the shining saucepans
the wellblacked grate and whitened hearth and the warmth which seemed to rise
up from the very flags and ruddily cheer the most distant corners appeared a
very cosy and charming sittingroom and besides it appeared but right that
Sally in her old age should have the companionship of those with whom she had
lived in love and faithfulness so many years He only wished he could more
frequently leave the solitary comfort of his study and join the kitchen party
where Sally sat as mistress in the chimney corner knitting by firelight and
Miss Benson and Ruth with the candle between them stitched away at their work
while Leonard strewed the ample dresser with his slate and books He did not
mope and pine over his lessons they were the one thing that took him out of
himself As yet his mother could teach him though in some respects it was
becoming a strain upon her acquirements and powers Mr Benson saw this but
reserved his offers of help as long as he could hoping that before his
assistance became absolutely necessary some mode of employment beyond that of
occasional plainwork might be laid open to Ruth
In spite of the communication they occasionally had with Mr Farquhar when
he gave them the intelligence of his engagement to Jemima it seemed like a
glimpse into a world from which they were shut out They wondered Miss Benson
and Ruth did at least much about the details Ruth sat over her sewing
fancying how all had taken place and as soon as she had arranged the events
which were going on among people and places once so familiar to her she found
some decrepancy and setto afresh to picture the declaration of love and the
yielding blushing acceptance for Mr Farquhar had told little beyond the mere
fact that there was an engagement between himself and Jemima which had existed
for some time but which had been kept secret until now when it was
acknowledged sanctioned and to be fulfilled as soon as he returned from an
arrangement of family affairs in Scotland This intelligence had been enough for
Mr Benson who was the only person Mr Farquhar saw as Ruth always shrank from
the post of opening the door and Mr Benson was apt at recognising individual
knocks and always prompt to welcome Mr Farquhar
Miss Benson occasionally thought and what she thought she was in the habit
of saying that Jemima might have come herself to announce such an event to old
friends but Mr Benson decidedly vindicated her from any charge of neglect by
expressing his strong conviction that to her they owed Mr Farquhars calls
his all but outspoken offers of service his quiet steady interest in
Leonard and moreover repeating the conversation he had had with her in the
street the first time they met after the disclosure Mr Benson told his
sister how glad he was to find that with all the warmth of her impetuous
disposition hurrying her on to rebellion against her father she was now
attaining to that just selfcontrol which can distinguish between mere wishes
and true reasons that she could abstain from coming to see Ruth while she
would do but little good reserving herself for some great occasion or strong
emergency
Ruth said nothing but she yearned all the more in silence to see Jemima In
her recollection of that fearful interview with Mr Bradshaw which haunted her
yet sleeping or waking she was painfully conscious that she had not thanked
Jemima for her generous loving advocacy it had passed unregarded at the time
in intensity of agony but now she recollected that by no word or tone or
touch had she given any sign of gratitude Mr Benson had never told her of his
meeting with Jemima so it seemed as if there were no hope of any future
opportunity for it is strange how two households rent apart by some
dissension can go through life their parallel existences running side by side
yet never touching each other near neighbours as they are habitual and
familiar guests as they may have been
Ruths only point of hope was Leonard She was weary of looking for work and
employment which everywhere seemed held above her reach She was not impatient
of this but she was very very sorry She felt within her such capability and
all ignored her and passed her by on the other side But she saw some progress
in Leonard Not that he could continue to have the happy development and genial
ripening which other boys have leaping from childhood to boyhood and thence
to youth with glad bounds and unconsciously enjoying every age At present
there was no harmony in Leonards character he was as full of thought and
selfconsciousness as many men planning his actions long beforehand so as to
avoid what he dreaded and what she could not yet give him strength to face
coward as she was herself and shrinking from hard remarks Yet Leonard was
regaining some of his lost tenderness towards his mother when they were alone
he would throw himself on her neck and smother her with kisses without any
apparent cause for such a passionate impulse If any one was by his manner was
cold and reserved The hopeful parts of his character were the determination
evident in him to be a law unto himself and the serious thought which he gave
to the formation of this law There was an inclination in him to reason
especially and principally with Mr Benson on the great questions of ethics
which the majority of the world have settled long ago But I do not think he
ever so argued with his mother Her lovely patience and her humility was
earning its reward and from her quiet piety bearing sweetly the denial of her
wishes the refusal of her begging the disgrace in which she lay while
others less worthy were employed this which perplexed him and almost
angered him at first called out his reverence at last and what she said he
took for his law with proud humility and thus softly she was leading him up to
God His health was not strong it was not likely to be He moaned and talked in
his sleep and his appetite was still variable part of which might be owing to
his preference of the hardest lessons to any outdoor exercise But this last
unnatural symptom was vanishing before the assiduous kindness of Mr Farquhar
and the quiet but firm desire of his mother Next to Ruth Sally had perhaps the
most influence over him but he dearly loved both Mr and Miss Benson although
he was reserved on this as on every point not purely intellectual His was a
hard childhood and his mother felt that it was so Children bear any moderate
degree of poverty and privation cheerfully but in addition to a good deal of
this Leonard had to bear a sense of disgrace attaching to him and to the
creature he loved best this it was that took out of him the buoyancy and
natural gladness of youth in a way which no scantiness of food or clothing or
want of any outward comfort could ever have done
Two years had passed away two long eventless years Something was now
going to happen which touched their hearts very nearly though out of their
sight and hearing Jemima was going to be married this August and byandby the
very day was fixed It was to be on the 14th On the evening of the 13th Ruth
was sitting alone in the parlour idly gazing out on the darkening shadows in
the little garden her eyes kept filling with quiet tears that rose not for
her own isolation from all that was going on of bustle and preparation for the
morrows event but because she had seen how Miss Benson had felt that she and
her brother were left out from the gathering of old friends in the Bradshaw
family As Ruth sat suddenly she was aware of a figure by her she started up
and in the gloom of the apartment she recognised Jemima In an instant they were
in each others arms a long fast embrace
»Can you forgive me« whispered Jemima in Ruths ear
»Forgive you What do you mean What have I to forgive The question is can
I ever thank you as I long to do if I could find words«
»Oh Ruth how I hated you once«
»It was all the more noble in you to stand by me as you did You must have
hated me when you knew how I was deceiving you all«
»No that was not it that made me hate you It was before that Oh Ruth I
did hate you«
They were silent for some time still holding each others hands Ruth spoke
first
»And you are going to be married tomorrow«
»Yes« said Jemima »Tomorrow at nine oclock But I dont think I could
have been married without coming to wish Mr Benson and Miss Faith good
»I will go for them« said Ruth
»No not just yet I want to ask you one or two questions first Nothing
very particular only it seems as if there had been such a strange long
separation between us Ruth« said she dropping her voice »is Leonard stronger
than he was I was so sorry to hear about him from Walter But he is better«
asked she anxiously
»Yes he is better Not what a boy of his age should be« replied his
mother in a tone of quiet but deep mournfulness »Oh Jemima« continued she
»my sharpest punishment comes through him To think of what he might have been
and what he is«
»But Walter says he is both stronger in health and not so nervous and
shy« Jemima added the last words in a hesitating and doubtful manner as if she
did not know how to express her full meaning without hurting Ruth
»He does not show that he feels his disgrace so much I cannot talk about
it Jemima my heart aches so about him But he is better« she continued
feeling that Jemimas kind anxiety required an answer at any cost of pain to
herself »He is only studying too closely now he takes to his lessons evidently
as a relief from thought He is very clever and I hope and trust yet I tremble
to say it I believe he is very good«
»You must let him come and see us very often when we come back We shall be
two months away We are going to Germany partly on Walters business Ruth I
have been talking to papa tonight very seriously and quietly and it has made
me love him so much more and understand him so much better«
»Does he know of your coming here I hope he does« said Ruth
»Yes Not that he liked my doing it at all But somehow I can always do
things against a persons wishes more easily when I am on good terms with them
thats not exactly what I meant but now tonight after papa had had been
showing me that he really loved me more than I ever thought he had done for I
always fancied he was so absorbed in Dick he did not care much for us girls I
felt brave enough to say that I intended to come here and bid you all goodbye
He was silent for a minute and then said I might do it but I must remember he
did not approve of it and was not to be compromised by my coming still I can
tell that at the bottom of his heart there is some of the old kindly feeling
to Mr and Miss Benson and I dont despair of its all being made up though
perhaps I ought to say that mamma does«
»Mr and Miss Benson wont hear of my going away« said Ruth sadly
»They are quite right«
»But I am earning nothing I cannot get any employment I am only a burden
and an expense«
»Are you not also a pleasure And Leonard is he not a dear object of love
It is easy for me to talk I know who am so impatient Oh I never deserved to
be so happy as I am You dont know how good Walter is I used to think him so
cold and cautious But now Ruth will you tell Mr and Miss Benson that I am
here There is signing of papers and I dont know what to be done at home And
when I come back I hope to see you often if youll let me«
Mr and Miss Benson gave her a warm greeting Sally was called in and would
bring a candle with her to have a close inspection of her in order to see if
she was changed she had not seen her for so long a time she said and Jemima
stood laughing and blushing in the middle of the room while Sally studied her
all over and would not be convinced that the old gown which she was wearing for
the last time was not one of the new wedding ones The consequence of which
misunderstanding was that Sally in her short petticoats and bedgown turned up
her nose at the oldfashioned way in which Miss Bradshaws gown was made But
Jemima knew the old woman and rather enjoyed the contempt for her dress At
last she kissed them all and ran away to her impatient Mr Farquhar who was
awaiting her
Not many weeks after this the poor old woman whom I have named as having
become a friend of Ruths during Leonards illness three years ago fell down
and broke her hipbone It was a serious probably a fatal injury for one so
old and as soon as Ruth heard of it she devoted all her leisure time to old Ann
Fleming Leonard had now outstripped his mothers powers of teaching and Mr
Benson gave him his lessons so Ruth was a great deal at the cottage both night
and day
There Jemima found her one November evening the second after their return
from their prolonged stay on the Continent She and Mr Farquhar had been to the
Bensons and had sat there some time and now Jemima had come on just to see
Ruth for five minutes before the evening was too dark for her to return alone
She found Ruth sitting on a stool before the fire which was composed of a few
sticks on the hearth The blaze they gave was however enough to enable her to
read and she was deep in study of the Bible in which she had read aloud to the
poor old woman until the latter had fallen asleep Jemima beckoned her out and
they stood on the green just before the open door so that Ruth could see if Ann
awoke
»I have not many minutes to stay only I felt as if I must see you And we
want Leonard to come to us to see all our German purchases and hear all our
German adventures May he come tomorrow«
»Yes thank you Oh Jemima I have heard something I have got a plan that
makes me so happy I have not told any one yet But Mr Wynne the parish
doctor you know has asked me if I would go out as a sick nurse he thinks he
could find me employment«
»You a sick nurse« said Jemima involuntarily glancing over the beautiful
lithe figure and the lovely refinement of Ruths face as the light of the
rising moon fell upon it »My dear Ruth I dont think you are fitted for it«
»Dont you« said Ruth a little disappointed »I think I am at least that
I should be very soon I like being about sick and helpless people I always
feel so sorry for them and then I think I have the gift of a very delicate
touch which is such a comfort in many cases And I should try to be very
watchful and patient Mr Wynne proposed it himself«
»It was not in that way I meant you were not fitted for it I meant that you
were fitted for something better Why Ruth you are better educated than I am«
»But if nobody will allow me to teach for that is what I suppose you
mean Besides I feel as if all my education would be needed to make me a good
sick nurse«
»Your knowledge of Latin for instance« said Jemima hitting in her
vexation at the plan on the first acquirement of Ruth she could think of
»Well« said Ruth »that wont come amiss I can read the prescriptions«
»Which the doctors would rather you did not do«
»Still you cant say that any knowledge of any kind will be in my way or
will unfit me for my work«
»Perhaps not But all your taste and refinement will be in your way and
will unfit you«
»You have not thought about this so much as I have or you would not say so
Any fastidiousness I shall have to get rid of and I shall be better without
but any true refinement I am sure I shall find of use for dont you think that
every power we have may be made to help us in any right work whatever that is
Would you not rather be nursed by a person who spoke gently and moved quietly
about than by a loud bustling woman«
»Yes to be sure but a person unfit for anything else may move quietly and
speak gently and give medicine when the doctor orders it and keep awake at
night and those are the best qualities I ever heard of in a sick nurse«
Ruth was quite silent for some time At last she said »At any rate it is
work and as such I am thankful for it You cannot discourage me and perhaps
you know too little of what my life has been how set apart in idleness I have
been to sympathise with me fully«
»And I wanted you to come to see us me in my new home Walter and I had
planned that we would persuade you to come to us very often« she had planned
and Mr Farquhar had consented »and now you will have to be fastened up in a
sickroom«
»I could not have come« said Ruth quickly »Dear Jemima it is like you to
have thought of it but I could not come to your house It is not a thing to
reason about It is just feeling But I do feel as if I could not go Dear
Jemima if you are ill or sorrowful and want me I will come«
»So you would and must to any one if you take up that calling«
»But I should come to you love in quite a different way I should go to
you with my heart full of love so full that I am afraid I should be too
anxious«
»I almost wish I were ill that I might make you come at once«
»And I am almost ashamed to think how I should like you to be in some
position in which I could show you how well I remember that day that terrible
day in the schoolroom God bless you for it Jemima«
Chapter XXX
The Forged Deed
Mr Wynne the parish surgeon was right He could and did obtain employment for
Ruth as a sick nurse Her home was with the Bensons every spare moment was
given to Leonard and to them but she was at the call of all the invalids in the
town At first her work lay exclusively among the paupers At first too there
was a recoil from many circumstances which impressed upon her the most fully
the physical sufferings of those whom she tended But she tried to lose the
sense of these or rather to lessen them and make them take their appointed
places in thinking of the individuals themselves as separate from their
decaying frames and all along she had enough selfcommand to control herself
from expressing any sign of repugnance She allowed herself no nervous haste of
movement or touch that should hurt the feelings of the poorest most friendless
creature who ever lay a victim to disease There was no rough getting over of
all the disagreeable and painful work of her employment When it was a lessening
of pain to have the touch careful and delicate and the ministration performed
with gradual skill Ruth thought of her charge and not of herself As she had
foretold she found a use for all her powers The poor patients themselves were
unconsciously gratified and soothed by her harmony and refinement of manner
voice and gesture If this harmony and refinement had been merely superficial
it would not have had this balmy effect That arose from its being the true
expression of a kind modest and humble spirit By degrees her reputation as a
nurse spread upwards and many sought her good offices who could well afford to
pay for them Whatever remuneration was offered to her she took it simply and
without comment for she felt that it was not hers to refuse that it was in
fact owing to the Bensons for her and her childs subsistence She went
wherever her services were first called for If the poor bricklayer who broke
both his legs in a fall from the scaffolding sent for her when she was
disengaged she went and remained with him until he could spare her let who
would be the next claimant From the happy and prosperous in all but health she
would occasionally beg off when some one less happy and more friendless wished
for her and sometimes she would ask for a little money from Mr Benson to give
to such in their time of need
But it was astonishing how much she was able to do without money Her ways
were very quiet she never spoke much Any one who has been oppressed with the
weight of a vital secret for years and much more any one the character of whose
life has been stamped by one event and that producing sorrow and shame is
naturally reserved And yet Ruths silence was not like reserve it was too
gentle and tender for that It had more the effect of a hush of all loud or
disturbing emotions and out of the deep calm the words that came forth had a
beautiful power She did not talk much about religion but those who noticed her
knew that it was the unseen banner which she was following The lowbreathed
sentences which she spoke into the ear of the sufferer and the dying carried
them upwards to God
She gradually became known and respected among the roughest boys of the
rough populace of the town They would make way for her when she passed along
the streets with more deference than they used to most for all knew something
of the tender care with which she bad attended this or that sick person and
besides she was so often in connection with Death that something of the
superstitious awe with which the dead were regarded by those rough boys in the
midst of their strong life surrounded her
She herself did not feel changed She felt just as faulty as far from
being what she wanted to be as ever She best knew how many of her good actions
were incomplete and marred with evil She did not feel much changed from the
earliest Ruth she could remember Everything seemed to change but herself Mr
and Miss Benson grew old and Sally grew deaf and Leonard was shooting up and
Jemima was a mother She and the distant hills that she saw from her chamber
window seemed the only things which were the same as when she first came to
Eccleston As she sat looking out and taking her fill of solitude which
sometimes was her most thorough rest as she sat at the attic window looking
abroad she saw their nextdoor neighbour carried out to sun himself in his
garden When she first came to Eccleston this neighbour and his daughter were
often seen taking long and regular walks byandby his walks became shorter
and the attentive daughter would convoy him home and set out afresh to finish
her own Of late years he had only gone out in the garden behind his house but
at first he had walked pretty briskly there by his daughters help now he was
carried and placed in a large cushioned easychair his head remaining where
it was placed against the pillow and hardly moving when his kind daughter who
was now middleaged brought him the first roses of the summer This told Ruth
of the lapse of life and time
Mr and Mrs Farquhar were constant in their attentions but there was no
sign of Mr Bradshaw ever forgiving the imposition which had been practised upon
him and Mr Benson ceased to hope for any renewal of their intercourse Still
he thought that he must know of all the kind attentions which Jemima paid to
them and of the fond regard which both she and her husband bestowed on Leonard
This latter feeling even went so far that Mr Farquhar called one day and with
much diffidence begged Mr Benson to urge Ruth to let him be sent to school at
his Mr Farquhars expense
Mr Benson was taken by surprise and hesitated »I do not know It would be
a great advantage in some respects and yet I doubt whether it would in others
His mothers influence over him is thoroughly good and I should fear that any
thoughtless allusions to his peculiar position might touch the raw spot in his
mind«
»But he is so unusually clever it seems a shame not to give him all the
advantages he can have Besides does he see much of his mother now«
»Hardly a day passes without her coming home to be an hour or so with him
even at her busiest times she says it is her best refreshment And often you
know she is disengaged for a week or two except the occasional services which
she is always rendering to those who need her Your offer is very tempting but
there is so decidedly another view of the question to be considered that I
believe we must refer it to her«
»With all my heart Dont hurry her to a decision Let her weigh it well I
think she will find the advantages preponderate«
»I wonder if I might trouble you with a little business Mr Farquhar as
you are here«
»Certainly I am only too glad to be of any use to you«
»Why I see from the report of the Star Life Assurance Company in the Times
which you are so good as to send me that they have declared a bonus on the
shares now it seems strange that I have received no notification of it and I
thought that perhaps it might be lying at your office as Mr Bradshaw was the
purchaser of the shares and I have always received the dividends through your
firm«
Mr Farquhar took the newspaper and ran his eye over the report
»I have no doubt thats the way of it« said he »Some of our clerks have
been careless about it or it may be Richard himself He is not always the most
punctual and exact of mortals but Ill see about it Perhaps after all it
maynt come for a day or two they have always such numbers of these circulars
to send out«
»Oh Im in no hurry about it I only want to receive it some time before I
incur any expenses which the promise of this bonus may tempt me to indulge in«
Mr Farquhar took his leave That evening there was a long conference for
as it happened Ruth was at home She was strenuously against the school plan
She could see no advantages that would counterbalance the evil which she dreaded
from any school for Leonard namely that the good opinion and regard of the
world would assume too high an importance in his eyes The very idea seemed to
produce in her so much shrinking affright that by mutual consent the subject
was dropped to be taken up again or not according to circumstances
Mr Farquhar wrote the next morning on Mr Bensons behalf to the
Insurance Company to inquire about the bonus Although he wrote in the usual
formal way he did not think it necessary to tell Mr Bradshaw what he had done
for Mr Bensons name was rarely mentioned between the partners each had been
made fully aware of the views which the other entertained on the subject that
had caused the estrangement and Mr Farquhar felt that no external argument
could affect Mr Bradshaws resolved disapproval and avoidance of his former
minister
As it happened the answer from the Insurance Company directed to the firm
was given to Mr Bradshaw along with the other business letters It was to the
effect that Mr Bensons shares had been sold and transferred above a
twelvemonth ago which sufficiently accounted for the circumstance that no
notification of the bonus had been sent to him
Mr Bradshaw tossed the letter on one side not displeased to have a good
reason for feeling a little contempt at the unbusinesslike forgetfulness of Mr
Benson at whose instance some one had evidently been writing to the Insurance
Company On Mr Farquhars entrance he expressed this feeling to him
»Really« he said »these Dissenting ministers have no more notion of
exactitude in their affairs than a child The idea of forgetting that he has
sold his shares and applying for the bonus when it seems he has transferred
them only a year ago«
Mr Farquhar was reading the letter while Mr Bradshaw spoke
»I dont quite understand it« said he »Mr Benson was quite clear about
it He could not have received his halfyearly dividends unless he had been
possessed of these shares and I dont suppose Dissenting ministers with all
their ignorance of business are unlike other men in knowing whether or not they
receive the money that they believe to be owing to them«
»I should not wonder if they were if Benson was at any rate Why I never
knew his watch to be right in all my life it was always too fast or too slow
it must have been a daily discomfort to him It ought to have been Depend upon
it his money matters are just in the same irregular state no accounts kept
Ill be bound«
»I dont see that that follows« said Mr Farquhar half amused »That watch
of his is a very curious one belonged to his father and grandfather I dont
know how far back«
»And the sentimental feelings which he is guided by prompt him to keep it
to the inconvenience of himself and every one else«
Mr Farquhar gave up the subject of the watch as hopeless
»But about this letter I wrote at Mr Bensons desire to the Insurance
Office and I am not satisfied with this answer All the transaction has passed
through our hands I do not think it is likely Mr Benson would write and sell
the shares without at any rate informing us at the time even though he forgot
all about it afterwards«
»Probably he told Richard or Mr Watson«
»We can ask Mr Watson at once I am afraid we must wait till Richard comes
home for I dont know where a letter would catch him«
Mr Bradshaw pulled the bell that rang into the headclerks room saying as
he did so
»You may depend upon it Farquhar the blunder lies with Benson himself He
is just the man to muddle away his money in indiscriminate charity and then to
wonder what has become of it«
Mr Farquhar was discreet enough to hold his tongue
»Mr Watson« said Mr Bradshaw as the old clerk made his appearance »here
is some mistake about those Insurance shares we purchased for Benson ten or a
dozen years ago He spoke to Mr Farquhar about some bonus they are paying to
the shareholders it seems and in reply to Mr Farquhars letter the
Insurance Company say the shares were sold twelve months since Have you any
knowledge of the transaction Has the transfer passed through your hands By the
way« turning to Mr Farquhar »who kept the certificates Did Benson or we«
»I really dont know« said Mr Farquhar »Perhaps Mr Watson can tell us«
Mr Watson meanwhile was studying the letter When he had ended it he took
off his spectacles wiped them and replacing them he read it again
»It seems very strange sir« he said at length with his trembling aged
voice »for I paid Mr Benson the account of the dividends myself last June and
got a receipt in form and that is since the date of the alleged transfer«
»Pretty nearly twelve months after it took place« said Mr Farquhar
»How did you receive the dividends An order on the Bank along with old
Mrs Cranmers« asked Mr Bradshaw sharply
»I dont know how they came Mr Richard gave me the money and desired me
to get the receipt«
»Its unlucky Richard is from home« said Mr Bradshaw »he could have
cleared up this mystery for us«
Mr Farquhar was silent
»Do you know where the certificates were kept Mr Watson« said he
»Ill not be sure but I think they were with Mrs Cranmers papers and
deeds in box A 24«
»I wish old Cranmer would have made any other man his executor She too is
always coming with some unreasonable request or other«
»Mr Bensons inquiry about his bonus is perfectly reasonable at any rate«
Mr Watson who was dwelling in the slow fashion of age on what had been
said before now spoke
»Ill not be sure but I am almost certain Mr Benson said when I paid him
last June that he thought he ought to give the receipt on a stamp and had
spoken about it to Mr Richard the time before but that Mr Richard said it was
of no consequence Yes« continued he gathering up his memory as he went on
»he did I remember now and I thought to myself that Mr Richard was but a
young man Mr Richard will know all about it«
»Yes« said Mr Farquhar gravely
»I shant wait till Richards return« said Mr Bradshaw »We can soon see
if the certificates are in the box Watson points out if they are there the
Insurance people are no more fit to manage their concern than that cat and I
shall tell them so If they are not there as I suspect will prove to be the
case it is just forgetfulness on Bensons part as I have said from the
first«
»You forget the payment of the dividends« said Mr Farquhar in a low
voice
»Well sir what then« said Mr Bradshaw abruptly While he spoke while
his eye met Mr Farquhars the hinted meaning of the latter flashed through
his mind but he was only made angry to find that such a suspicion could pass
through any ones imagination
»I suppose I may go sir« said Watson respectfully an uneasy consciousness
of what was in Mr Farquhars thoughts troubling the faithful old clerk
»Yes Go What do you mean about the dividends« asked Mr Bradshaw
impetuously of Mr Farquhar
»Simply that I think there can have been no forgetfulness no mistake on
Mr Bensons part« said Mr Farquhar unwilling to put his dim suspicion into
words
»Then of course it is some blunder of that confounded Insurance Company I
will write to them today and make them a little brisker and more correct in
their statements«
»Dont you think it would be better to wait till Richards return He may be
able to explain it«
»No sir« said Mr Bradshaw sharply »I do not think it would be better It
has not been my way of doing business to spare any one or any company the
consequences of their own carelessness nor to obtain information secondhand
when I could have it direct from the source I shall write to the Insurance
Office by the next post«
Mr Farquhar saw that any further remonstrance on his part would only
aggravate his partners obstinacy and besides it was but a suspicion an
uncomfortable suspicion It was possible that some of the clerks at the
Insurance Office might have made a mistake Watson was not sure after all that
the certificates had been deposited in box A 24 and when he and Mr Farquhar
could not find them there the old man drew more and yet more back from his
first assertion of belief that they had been placed there
Mr Bradshaw wrote an angry and indignant reproach of carelessness to the
Insurance Company By the next mail one of their clerks came down to Eccleston
and having leisurely refreshed himself at the inn and ordered his dinner with
care he walked up to the great warehouse of Bradshaw amp Co and sent in his
card with a pencil notification »On the part of the Star Insurance Company«
to Mr Bradshaw himself
Mr Bradshaw held the card in his hand for a minute or two without raising
his eyes Then he spoke out loud and firm
»Desire the gentleman to walk up Stay I will ring my bell in a minute or
two and then show him upstairs«
When the errandboy had closed the door Mr Bradshaw went to a cupboard
where he usually kept a glass and a bottle of wine of which he very seldom
partook for he was an abstemious man He intended now to take a glass but the
bottle was empty and though there was plenty more to be had for ringing or
even simply going into another room he would not allow himself to do this He
stood and lectured himself in thought
»After all I am a fool for once in my life If the certificates are in no
box which I have yet examined that does not imply they may not be in some one
which I have not had time to search Farquhar would stay so late last night
And even if they are in none of the boxes here that does not prove« He gave
the bell a jerking ring and it was yet sounding when Mr Smith the insurance
clerk entered
The manager of the Insurance Company had been considerably nettled at the
tone of Mr Bradshaws letter and had instructed the clerk to assume some
dignity at first in vindicating as it was well in his power to do the
character of the proceedings of the Company but at the same time he was not to
go too far for the firm of Bradshaw amp Co was daily looming larger in the
commercial world and if any reasonable explanation could be given it was to be
received and bygones be bygones
»Sit down sir« said Mr Bradshaw
»You are aware sir I presume that I come on the part of Mr Dennison the
manager of the Star Insurance Company to reply in person to a letter of yours
of the 29th addressed to him«
Mr Bradshaw bowed »A very careless piece of business« he said stiffly
»Mr Dennison does not think you will consider it as such when you have seen
the deed of transfer which I am commissioned to show you«
Mr Bradshaw took the deed with a steady hand He wiped his spectacles
quietly without delay and without hurry and adjusted them on his nose It is
possible that he was rather long in looking over the document at least the
clerk had just begun to wonder if he was reading through the whole of it
instead of merely looking at the signature when Mr Bradshaw said »It is
possible that it may be of course you will allow me to take this paper to
Mr Benson to to inquire if this be his signature«
»There can be no doubt of it I think sir« said the clerk calmly smiling
for he knew Mr Bensons signature well
»I dont know sir I dont know« He was speaking as if the pronunciation
of every word required a separate effort of will like a man who has received a
slight paralytic stroke
»You have heard sir of such a thing as forgery forgery sir« said he
repeating the last word very distinctly for he feared that the first time he
had said it it was rather slurred over
»Oh sir there is no room for imagining such a thing I assure you In our
affairs we become aware of curious forgetfulness on the part of those who are
not of business habits«
»Still I should like to show it Mr Benson to prove to him his
forgetfulness you know I believe on my soul it is some of his careless
forgetfulness I do sir« said he Now he spoke very quickly »It must have
been Allow me to convince myself You shall have it back tonight or the first
thing in the morning«
The clerk did not quite like to relinquish the deed nor yet did he like to
refuse Mr Bradshaw If that very uncomfortable idea of forgery should have any
foundation in truth and he had given up the writing There were a thousand
chances to one against its being anything but a stupid blunder the risk was
more imminent of offending one of the directors
As he hesitated Mr Bradshaw spoke very calmly and almost with a smile on
his face He had regained his selfcommand »You are afraid I see I assure
you you may trust me If there has been any fraud if I have the slightest
suspicion of the truth of the surmise I threw out just now« he could not
quite speak the bare naked word that was chilling his heart »I will not fail
to aid the ends of justice even though the culprit should be my own son«
He ended as he began with a smile such a smile the stiff lips refused
to relax and cover the teeth But all the time he kept saying to himself
»I dont believe it I dont believe it Im convinced its a blunder of
that old fool Benson«
But when he had dismissed the clerk and secured the piece of paper he went
and locked the door and laid his head on his desk and moaned aloud
He had lingered in the office for the two previous nights at first
occupying himself in searching for the certificates of the Insurance shares
but when all the boxes and other repositories for papers had been ransacked
the thought took hold of him that they might be in Richards private desk and
with the determination which overlooks the means to get at the end he had first
tried all his own keys on the complicated lock and then broken it open with two
decided blows of a poker the instrument nearest at hand He did not find the
certificates Richard had always considered himself careful in destroying any
dangerous or telltale papers but the stern father found enough in what
remained to convince him that his pattern son more even than his pattern son
his beloved pride was far other than what he seemed
Mr Bradshaw did not skip or miss a word He did not shrink while he read
He folded up letter by letter he snuffed the candle when its light began to
wane and no sooner but he did not miss or omit one paper he read every word
Then leaving the letters in a heap upon the table and the broken desk to tell
its own tale he locked the door of the room which was appropriated to his son
as junior partner and carried the key away with him
There was a faint hope even after this discovery of many circumstances of
Richards life which shocked and dismayed his father there was still a faint
hope that he might not be guilty of forgery that it might not be no forgery
after all only a blunder an omission a stupendous piece of forgetfulness
That hope was the one straw that Mr Bradshaw clung to
Late that night Mr Benson sat in his study Every one else in the house had
gone to bed but he was expecting a summons to some one who was dangerously ill
He was not startled therefore at the knock which came to the front door about
twelve but he was rather surprised at the character of the knock so slow and
loud with a pause between each rap His studydoor was but a step from that
which led into the street He opened it and there stood Mr Bradshaw his
large portly figure not to be mistaken even in the dusky night
He said »That is right It was you I wanted to see« And he walked straight
into the study Mr Benson followed and shut the door Mr Bradshaw was
standing by the table fumbling in his pocket He pulled out the deed and
opening it after a pause in which you might have counted five he held it out
to Mr Benson
»Read it« said he He spoke not another word until time had been allowed
for its perusal Then he added
»That is your signature« The words were an assertion but the tone was that
of question
»No it is not« said Mr Benson decidedly »It is very like my writing I
could almost say it was mine but I know it is not«
»Recollect yourself a little The date is August the third of last year
fourteen months ago You may have forgotten it« The tone of the voice had a
kind of eager entreaty in it which Mr Benson did not notice he was so
startled at the fetch of his own writing
»It is most singularly like mine but I could not have signed away these
shares all the property I have without the slightest remembrance of it«
»Stranger things have happened For the love of Heaven think if you did not
sign it Its a deed to transfer for those Insurance shares you see You dont
remember it You did not write this name these words« He looked at Mr Benson
with craving wistfulness for one particular answer Mr Benson was struck at
last by the whole proceeding and glanced anxiously at Mr Bradshaw whose
manner gait and voice were so different from usual that he might well excite
attention But as soon as the latter was aware of this momentary inspection he
changed his tone all at once
»Dont imagine sir I wish to force any invention upon you as a
remembrance If you did not write this name I know who did Once more I ask you
does no glimmering recollection of having needed money well say I never
wanted you to refuse my subscription to the chapel God knows of having sold
these accursed shares Oh I see by your face you did not write it you need
not to speak to me I know«
He sank down into a chair near him His whole figure drooped In a moment he
was up and standing straight as an arrow confronting Mr Benson who could
find no clue to this stern mans agitation
»You say you did not write these words« pointing to the signature with an
untrembling finger »I believe you Richard Bradshaw did write them«
»My dear sir my dear old friend« exclaimed Mr Benson »you are rushing
to a conclusion for which I am convinced there is no foundation there is no
reason to suppose that because«
»There is reason sir Do not distress yourself I am perfectly calm« His
stony eyes and immovable face did indeed look rigid »What we have now to do is
to punish the offence I have not one standard for myself and those I love
and Mr Benson I did love him and another for the rest of the world If a
stranger had forged my name I should have known it was my duty to prosecute
him You must prosecute Richard«
»I will not« said Mr Benson
»You think perhaps that I shall feel it acutely You are mistaken He is
no longer as my son to me I have always resolved to disown any child of mine
who was guilty of sin I disown Richard He is as a stranger to me I shall feel
no more at his exposure his punishment« He could not go on for his voice
was choking »Of course you understand that I must feel shame at our
connection it is that that is troubling me that is but consistent with a man
who has always prided himself on the integrity of his name but as for that boy
who has been brought up all his life as I have brought up my children it must
be some innate wickedness Sir I can cut him off though he has been as my
right hand beloved Let me be no hindrance to the course of justice I beg He
has forged your name he has defrauded you of money of your all I think you
said«
»Some one has forged my name I am not convinced that it was your son Until
I know all the circumstances I decline to prosecute«
»What circumstances« asked Mr Bradshaw in an authoritative manner which
would have shown irritation but for his selfcommand
»The force of the temptation the previous habits of the person«
»Of Richard He is the person« Mr Bradshaw put in
Mr Benson went on without taking any notice »I should think it right to
prosecute if I found out that this offence against me was only one of a series
committed with premeditation against society I should then feel as a
protector of others more helpless than myself«
»It was your all« said Mr Bradshaw
»It was all my money it was not my all« replied Mr Benson and then he
went on as if the interruption had never been »Against an habitual offender I
shall not prosecute Richard Not because he is your son do not imagine that I
should decline taking such a step against any young man without first
ascertaining the particulars about him which I know already about Richard and
which determine me against doing what would blast his character for life would
destroy every good quality he has«
»What good quality remains to him« asked Mr Bradshaw »He has deceived me
he has offended God«
»Have we not all offended Him« Mr Benson said in a low tone
»Not consciously I never do wrong consciously But Richard Richard« The
remembrance of the undeceiving letters the forgery filled up his heart so
completely that he could not speak for a minute or two Yet when he saw Mr
Benson on the point of saying something he broke in
»It is no use talking sir You and I cannot agree on these subjects Once
more I desire you to prosecute that boy who is no longer a child of mine«
»Mr Bradshaw I shall not prosecute him I have said it once for all
Tomorrow you will be glad that I do not listen to you I should only do harm by
saying more at present«
There is always something aggravating in being told that the mood in which
we are now viewing things strongly will not be our mood at some other time It
implies that our present feelings are blinding us and that some more
clearsighted spectator is able to distinguish our future better than we do
ourselves The most shallow person dislikes to be told that any one can gauge
his depth Mr Bradshaw was not soothed by this last remark of Mr Bensons He
stooped down to take up his hat and be gone Mr Benson saw his dizzy way of
groping and gave him what he sought for but he received no word of thanks Mr
Bradshaw went silently towards the door but just as he got there he turned
round and said
»If there were more people like me and fewer like you there would be less
evil in the world sir Its your sentimentalists that nurse up sin«
Although Mr Benson had been very calm during this interview he had been
much shocked by what had been let out respecting Richards forgery not by the
fact itself so much as by what it was a sign of Still he had known the young
man from childhood and had seen and often regretted that his want of moral
courage had rendered him peculiarly liable to all the bad effects arising from
his fathers severe and arbitrary mode of treatment Dick would never have had
pluck enough to be a hardened villain under any circumstances but unless some
good influence some strength was brought to bear upon him he might easily
sink into the sneaking scoundrel Mr Benson determined to go to Mr Farquhars
the first thing in the morning and consult him as a calm clearheaded family
friend partner in the business as well as son and brotherinlaw to the
people concerned
Chapter XXXI
An Accident to the Dover Coach
While Mr Benson lay awake for fear of oversleeping himself and so being late
at Mr Farquhars it was somewhere about six oclock dark as an October
morning is at that time Sally came to his door and knocked She was always an
early riser and if she had not been gone to bed long before Mr Bradshaws
visit last night Mr Benson might safely have trusted to her calling him
»Heres a woman down below as must see you directly Shell be upstairs
after me if youre not down quick«
»Is it any one from Clarkes«
»No no not it master« said she through the keyhole »I reckon its Mrs
Bradshaw for all shes muffled up«
He needed no other word When he went down Mrs Bradshaw sat in his
easychair swaying her body to and fro and crying without restraint Mr
Benson came up to her before she was aware that he was there
»Oh sir« said she getting up and taking hold of both his hands »you
wont be so cruel will you I have got some money somewhere some money my
father settled on me sir I dont know how much but I think its more than two
thousand pounds and you shall have it all If I cant give it you now Ill
make a will sir Only be merciful to poor Dick dont go and prosecute him
sir«
»My dear Mrs Bradshaw dont you agitate yourself in this way I never
meant to prosecute him«
»But Mr Bradshaw says that you must«
»I shall not indeed I have told Mr Bradshaw so«
»Has he been here Oh is not he cruel I dont care I have been a good
wife till now I know I have I have done all he bid me ever since we were
married But now I will speak my mind and say to everybody how cruel he is
how hard to his own flesh and blood If he puts poor Dick in prison I will go
too If Im to choose between my husband and my son I choose my son for he
will have no friends unless I am with him«
»Mr Bradshaw will think better of it You will see that when his first
anger and disappointment are over he will not be hard or cruel«
»You dont know Mr Bradshaw« said she mournfully »if you think hell
change I might beg and beg I have done many a time when we had little
children and I wanted to save them a whipping but no begging ever did any
good At last I left it off Hell not change«
»Perhaps not for human entreaty Mrs Bradshaw is there nothing more
powerful«
The tone of his voice suggested what he did not say
»If you mean that God may soften his heart« replied she humbly »Im not
going to deny Gods power I have need to think of Him« she continued
bursting into fresh tears »for I am a very miserable woman Only think he cast
it up against me last night and said if I had not spoilt Dick this never would
have happened«
»He hardly knew what he was saying last night I will go to Mr Farquhars
directly and see him and you had better go home my dear Mrs Bradshaw you
may rely upon our doing all that we can«
With some difficulty he persuaded her not to accompany him to Mr
Farquhars but he had indeed to take her to her own door before he could
convince her that at present she could do nothing but wait the result of the
consultations of others
It was before breakfast and Mr Farquhar was alone so Mr Benson had a
quiet opportunity of telling the whole story to the husband before the wife came
down Mr Farquhar was not much surprised though greatly distressed The
general opinion he had always entertained of Richards character had predisposed
him to fear even before the inquiry respecting the Insurance shares But it was
still a shock when it came however much it might have been anticipated
»What can we do« said Mr Benson as Mr Farquhar sat gloomily silent
»That is just what I was asking myself I think I must see Mr Bradshaw and
try and bring him a little out of this unmerciful frame of mind That must be
the first thing Will you object to accompany me at once It seems of particular
consequence that we should subdue its obduracy before the affair gets wind«
»I will go with you willingly But I believe I rather serve to irritate Mr
Bradshaw he is reminded of things he has said to me formerly and which he
thinks he is bound to act up to However I can walk with you to the door and
wait for you if youll allow me in the street I want to know how he is
today both bodily and mentally for indeed Mr Farquhar I should not have
been surprised last night if he had dropped down dead so terrible was his
strain upon himself«
Mr Benson was left at the door as he had desired while Mr Farquhar went
in
»Oh Mr Farquhar what is the matter« exclaimed the girls running to him
»Mamma sits crying in the old nursery We believe she has been there all night
She will not tell us what it is nor let us be with her and papa is locked up
in his room and wont even answer us when we speak though we know he is up and
awake for we heard him tramping about all night«
»Let me go up to him« said Mr Farquhar
»He wont let you in It will be of no use« But in spite of what they said
he went up and to their surprise after hearing who it was their father opened
the door and admitted their brotherinlaw He remained with Mr Bradshaw about
halfanhour and then came into the diningroom where the two girls stood
huddled over the fire regardless of the untasted breakfast behind them and
writing a few lines he desired them to take his note up to their mother saying
that it would comfort her a little and that he should send Jemima in two or
three hours with the baby perhaps to remain some days with him He had no
time to tell them more Jemima would
He left them and rejoined Mr Benson »Come home and breakfast with me I
am off to London in an hour or two and must speak with you first«
On reaching his house he ran upstairs to ask Jemima to breakfast alone in
her dressingroom and returned in five minutes or less
»Now I can tell you about it« said he »I see my way clearly to a certain
point We must prevent Dick and his father meeting just now or all hope of
Dicks reformation is gone for ever His father is as hard as the nether
millstone He has forbidden me his house«
»Forbidden you«
»Yes because I would not give up Dick as utterly lost and bad and because
I said I should return to London with the clerk and fairly tell Dennison hes
a Scotchman and a man of sense and feeling the real state of the case By the
way we must not say a word to the clerk otherwise he will expect an answer
and make out all sorts of inferences for himself from the unsatisfactory reply
he must have Dennison will be upon honour will see every side of the case
will know you refuse to prosecute the Company of which he is manager are no
losers Well when I said what I thought wise of all this when I spoke as if
my course were a settled and decided thing the grim old man asked me if he was
to be an automaton in his own house He assured me he had no feeling for Dick
all the time he was shaking like an aspen in short repeating much the same
things he must have said to you last night However I defied him and the
consequence is Im forbidden the house and what more he says he will not
come to the office while I remain a partner«
»What shall you do«
»Send Jemima and the baby Theres nothing like a young child for bringing
people round to a healthy state of feeling and you dont know what Jemima is
Mr Benson No though youve known her from her birth If she cant comfort her
mother and if the baby cant steal into her grandfathers heart why I dont
know what you may do to me I shall tell Jemima all and trust to her wit and
wisdom to work at this end while I do my best at the other«
»Richard is abroad is not he«
»He will be in England tomorrow I must catch him somewhere but that I can
easily do The difficult point will be what to do with him what to say to
him when I find him He must give up his partnership thats clear I did not
tell his father so but I am resolved upon it There shall be no tampering with
the honour of the firm to which I belong«
»But what will become of him« asked Mr Benson anxiously
»I do not yet know But for Jemimas sake for his dour old fathers sake
I will not leave him adrift I will find him some occupation as clear from
temptation as I can I will do all in my power And he will do much better if
he has any good in him as a freer agent not cowed by his father into a want of
individuality and selfrespect I believe I must dismiss you Mr Benson« said
he looking at his watch »I have to explain all to my wife and to go to that
clerk You shall hear from me in a day or two«
Mr Benson half envied the younger mans elasticity of mind and power of
acting promptly He himself felt as if he wanted to sit down in his quiet study
and think over the revelations and events of the last twentyfour hours It made
him dizzy even to follow Mr Farquhars plans as he had briefly detailed them
and some solitude and consideration would be required before Mr Benson could
decide upon their justice and wisdom He had been much shocked by the discovery
of the overt act of guilt which Richard had perpetrated low as his opinion of
that young man had been for some time and the consequence was that he felt
depressed and unable to rally for the next few days He had not even the
comfort of his sisters sympathy as he felt bound in honour not to tell her
anything and she was luckily so much absorbed in some household contest with
Sally that she did not notice her brothers quiet languor
Mr Benson felt that he had no right at this time to intrude into the house
which he had been once tacitly forbidden If he went now to Mr Bradshaws
without being asked or sent for he thought it would seem like presuming on his
knowledge of the hidden disgrace of one of the family Yet he longed to go he
knew that Mr Farquhar must be writing almost daily to Jemima and he wanted to
hear what he was doing The fourth day after her husbands departure she came
within halfanhour after the post delivery and asked to speak to Mr Benson
alone
She was in a state of great agitation and had evidently been crying very
much
»Oh Mr Benson« said she »will you come with me and tell papa this sad
news about Dick Walter has written me a letter at last to say he has found him
he could not at first but now it seems that the day before yesterday he
heard of an accident which had happened to the Dover coach it was overturned
two passengers killed and several badly hurt Walter says we ought to be
thankful as he is that Dick was not killed He says it was such a relief to
him on going to the place the little inn nearest to where the coach was
overturned to find that Dick was only severely injured not one of those who
was killed But it is a terrible shock to us all We had had no more dreadful
fear to lessen the shock mamma is quite unfit for anything and we none of us
dare to tell papa« Jemima had hard work to keep down her sobs thus far and now
they overmastered her
»How is your father I have wanted to hear every day« asked Mr Benson
tenderly
»It was careless of me not to come and tell you but indeed I have had so
much to do Mamma would not go near him He has said something which she seems
as if she could not forgive Because he came to meals she would not She has
almost lived in the nursery taking out all Dicks old playthings and what
clothes of his were left and turning them over and crying over them«
»Then Mr Bradshaw has joined you again I was afraid from what Mr
Farquhar said he was going to isolate himself from you all«
»I wish he had« said Jemima crying afresh »It would have been more
natural than the way he has gone on the only difference from his usual habit
is that he has never gone near the office or else he has come to meals just as
usual and talked just as usual and even done what I never knew him do before
tried to make jokes all in order to show us how little he cares«
»Does he not go out at all«
»Only in the garden I am sure he does care after all he must care he
cannot shake off a child in this way though he thinks he can and that makes me
so afraid of telling him of this accident Will you come Mr Benson«
He needed no other word He went with her as she rapidly threaded her way
through the bystreets When they reached the house she went in without
knocking and putting her husbands letter into Mr Bensons hand she opened
the door of her fathers room and saying »Papa here is Mr Benson« left
them alone
Mr Benson felt nervously incapable of knowing what to do or to say He had
surprised Mr Bradshaw sitting idly over the fire gazing dreamily into the
embers But he had started up and drawn his chair to the table on seeing his
visitor and after the first necessary words of politeness were over he seemed
to expect him to open the conversation
»Mrs Farquhar has asked me« said Mr Benson plunging into the subject
with a trembling heart »to tell you about a letter she has received from her
husband« he stopped for an instant for he felt that he did not get nearer the
real difficulty and yet could not tell the best way of approaching it
»She need not have given you that trouble I am aware of the reason of Mr
Farquhars absence I entirely disapprove of his conduct He is regardless of my
wishes and disobedient to the commands which as my soninlaw I thought he
would have felt bound to respect If there is any more agreeable subject that
you can introduce I shall be glad to hear you sir«
»Neither you nor I must think of what we like to hear or to say You must
hear what concerns your son«
»I have disowned the young man who was my son« replied he coldly
»The Dover coach has been overturned« said Mr Benson stimulated into
abruptness by the icy sternness of the father But in a flash he saw what lay
below that terrible assumption of indifference Mr Bradshaw glanced up in his
face one look of agony and then went greypale so livid that Mr Benson got
up to ring the bell in affright but Mr Bradshaw motioned to him to sit still
»Oh I have been too sudden sir he is alive he is alive« he exclaimed
as he saw the ashy face working in a vain attempt to speak but the poor lips
so wooden not a minute ago went working on and on as if Mr Bensons words
did not sink down into the mind or reach the understanding Mr Benson went
hastily for Mrs Farquhar
»Oh Jemima« said he »I have done it so badly I have been so cruel he
is very ill I fear bring water brandy« and he returned with all speed
into the room Mr Bradshaw the great strong iron man lay back in his
chair in a swoon a fit
»Fetch my mother Mary Send for the doctor Elizabeth« said Jemima
rushing to her father She and Mr Benson did all in their power to restore him
Mrs Bradshaw forgot all her vows of estrangement from the deadlike husband
who might never speak to her or hear her again and bitterly accused herself
for every angry word she had spoken against him during these last few miserable
days
Before the doctor came Mr Bradshaw had opened his eyes and partially
rallied although he either did not or could not speak He looked struck down
into old age His eyes were senseless in their expression but had the dim glaze
of many years of life upon them His lower jaw fell from his upper one giving a
look of melancholy depression to the face although the lips hid the unclosed
teeth But he answered correctly in monosyllables it is true all the
questions which the doctor chose to ask And the medical man was not so much
impressed with the serious character of the seizure as the family who knew all
the hidden mystery behind and had seen their father lie for the first time with
the precursor aspect of death upon his face Rest watching and a little
medicine were what the doctor prescribed it was so slight a prescription for
what had appeared to Mr Benson so serious an attack that he wished to follow
the medical man out of the room to make further inquiries and learn the real
opinion which he thought must lurk behind But as he was following the doctor
he they all were aware of the effort Mr Bradshaw was making to rise in
order to arrest Mr Bensons departure He did stand up supporting himself with
one hand on the table for his legs shook under him Mr Benson came back
instantly to the spot where he was For a moment it seemed as if he had not the
right command of his voice but at last he said with a tone of humble wistful
entreaty which was very touching
»He is alive sir is he not«
»Yes sir indeed he is he is only hurt He is sure to do well Mr
Farquhar is with him« said Mr Benson almost unable to speak for tears
Mr Bradshaw did not remove his eyes from Mr Bensons face for more than a
minute after his question had been answered He seemed as though he would read
his very soul and there see if he spoke the truth Satisfied at last he sank
slowly into his chair and they were silent for a little space waiting to
perceive if he would wish for any further information just then At length he
put his hands slowly together in the clasped attitude of prayer and said
»Thank God«
Chapter XXXII
The Bradshaw Pew Again Occupied
If Jemima allowed herself now and then to imagine that one good would result
from the discovery of Richards delinquency in the return of her father and Mr
Benson to something of their old understanding and their old intercourse if
this hope fluttered through her mind it was doomed to disappointment Mr
Benson would have been most happy to go if Mr Bradshaw had sent for him he
was on the watch for what might be even the shadow of such an invitation but
none came Mr Bradshaw on his part would have been thoroughly glad if the
wilful seclusion of his present life could have been broken by the occasional
visits of the old friend whom he had once forbidden the house but this
prohibition having passed his lips he stubbornly refused to do anything which
might be construed into unsaying it Jemima was for some time in despair of his
ever returning to the office or resuming his old habits of business He had
evidently threatened as much to her husband All that Jemima could do was to
turn a deaf ear to every allusion to this menace which he threw out from time
to time evidently with a view to see if it had struck deep enough into her
husbands mind for him to have repeated it to his wife If Mr Farquhar had
named it if it was known only to two or three to have been but for one
halfhour even his resolution Mr Bradshaw could have adhered to it without
any other reason than the maintenance of what he called consistency but which
was in fact doggedness Jemima was often thankful that her mother was absent
and gone to nurse her son If she had been at home she would have entreated and
implored her husband to fall back into his usual habits and would have shown
such a dread of his being as good as his word that he would have been compelled
to adhere to it by the very consequence affixed to it Mr Farquhar had hard
work as it was in passing rapidly enough between the two places attending to
his business at Eccleston and deciding comforting and earnestly talking in
Richards sickroom During an absence of his it was necessary to apply to one
of the partners on some matter of importance and accordingly to Jemimas
secret joy Mr Watson came up and asked if her father was well enough to see
him on business Jemima carried in this inquiry literally and the hesitating
answer which her father gave was in the affirmative It was not long before she
saw him leave the house accompanied by the faithful old clerk and when he met
her at dinner he made no allusion to his morning visitor or to his subsequent
going out But from that time forwards he went regularly to the office He
received all the information about Dicks accident and his progress towards
recovery in perfect silence and in as indifferent a manner as he could assume
but yet he lingered about the family sittingroom every morning until the post
had come in which brought all letters from the south
When Mr Farquhar at last returned to bring the news of Dicks perfect
convalescence he resolved to tell Mr Bradshaw all that he had done and
arranged for his sons future career but as Mr Farquhar told Mr Benson
afterwards he could not really say if Mr Bradshaw had attended to one word
that he said
»Rely upon it« said Mr Benson »he has not only attended to it but
treasured up every expression you have used«
»Well I tried to get some opinion or sign of emotion out of him I had
not much hope of the latter I must own but I thought he would have said
whether I had done wisely or not in procuring that Glasgow situation for Dick
that he would perhaps have been indignant at my ousting him from the
partnership so entirely on my own responsibility«
»How did Richard take it«
»Oh nothing could exceed his penitence If one had never heard of the
proverb When the devil was sick the devil a monk would be I should have had
greater faith in him or if he had had more strength of character to begin with
or more reality and less outward appearance of good principle instilled into
him However this Glasgow situation is the very thing clear defined duties
no great trust reposed in him a kind and watchful head and introductions to a
better class of associates than I fancy he has ever been thrown amongst before
For you know Mr Bradshaw dreaded all intimacies for his son and wanted him
to eschew all society beyond his own family would never allow him to ask a
friend home Really when I think of the unnatural life Mr Bradshaw expected
him to lead I get into charity with him and have hopes By the way have you
ever succeeded in persuading his mother to send Leonard to school He may run
the same risk from isolation as Dick not be able to choose his companions
wisely when he grows up but be too much overcome by the excitement of society
to be very discreet as to who are his associates Have you spoken to her about
my plan«
»Yes but to no purpose I cannot say that she would even admit an argument
on the subject She seemed to have an invincible repugnance to the idea of
exposing him to the remarks of other boys on his peculiar position«
»They need never know of it Besides sooner or later he must step out of
his narrow circle and encounter remark and scorn«
»True« said Mr Benson mournfully »And you may depend upon it if it
really is the best for Leonard she will come round to it byandby It is
almost extraordinary to see the way in which her earnest and most unselfish
devotion to this boys real welfare leads her to right and wise conclusions«
»I wish I could tame her so as to let me meet her as a friend Since the
baby was born she comes to see Jemima My wife tells me that she sits and
holds it soft in her arms and talks to it as if her whole soul went out to the
little infant But if she hears a strange footstep on the stair what Jemima
calls the wildanimal look comes back into her eyes and she steals away like
some frightened creature With all that she has done to redeem her character
she should not be so timid of observation«
»You may well say with all that she has done We of her own household hear
little or nothing of what she does If she wants help she simply tells us how
and why but if not perhaps because it is some relief to her to forget for a
time the scenes of suffering in which she has been acting the part of comforter
and perhaps because there always was a shy sweet reticence about her we never
should know what she is and what she does except from the poor people
themselves who would bless her in words if the very thought of her did not
choke them with tears Yet I do assure you she passes out of all this gloom
and makes sunlight in our house We are never so cheerful as when she is at
home She always had the art of diffusing peace but now it is positive
cheerfulness And about Leonard I doubt if the wisest and most thoughtful
schoolmaster could teach half as much directly as his mother does unconsciously
and indirectly every hour that he is with her Her noble humble pious
endurance of the consequences of what was wrong in her early life seems
expressly fitted to act upon him whose position is unjustly for he has done
no harm so similar to hers«
»Well I suppose we must leave it alone for the present You will think me a
hard practical man when I own to you that all I expect from Leonards remaining
a homebird is that with such a mother it will do him no harm At any rate
remember my offer is the same for a year two years hence as now What does
she look forward to making him into finally«
»I dont know The wonder comes into my mind sometimes but never into hers
I think It is part of her character part perhaps of that which made her what
she was that she never looks forward and seldom back The present is enough
for her«
And so the conversation ended When Mr Benson repeated the substance of it
to his sister she mused awhile breaking out into an occasional whistle
although she had cured herself of this habit in a great measure and at last
she said
»Now do you know I never liked poor Dick and yet Im angry with Mr
Farquhar for getting him out of the partnership in such a summary way I cant
get over it even though he has offered to send Leonard to school And here hes
reigning lordparamount at the office As if you Thurstan werent as well able
to teach him as any schoolmaster in England But I should not mind that affront
if I were not sorry to think of Dick though I never could abide him labouring
away in Glasgow for a petty salary of nobody knows how little while Mr
Farquhar is taking halves instead of thirds of the profits here«
But her brother could not tell her and even Jemima did not know till long
afterwards that the portion of income which would have been Dicks as a junior
partner if he had remained in the business was carefully laid aside for him by
Mr Farquhar to be delivered up with all its accumulative interest when the
prodigal should have proved his penitence by his conduct
When Ruth had no call upon her time it was indeed a holiday at
Chapelhouse She threw off as much as she could of the care and sadness in
which she had been sharing and returned fresh and helpful ready to go about in
her soft quiet way and fill up every measure of service and heap it with the
fragrance of her own sweet nature The delicate mending that the elder women
could no longer see to do was put by for Ruths swift and nimble fingers The
occasional copying or patient writing to dictation that gave rest to Mr
Bensons weary spine was done by her with sunny alacrity But most of all
Leonards heart rejoiced when his mother came home Then came the quiet
confidences the tender exchange of love the happy walks from which he returned
stronger and stronger going from strength to strength as his mother led the
way It was well as they saw now that the great shock of the disclosure had
taken place when it did She for her part wondered at her own cowardliness in
having even striven to keep back the truth from her child the truth that was
so certain to be made clear sooner or later and which it was only owing to
Gods mercy that she was alive to encounter with him and by so encountering
shield and give him good courage Moreover in her secret heart she was
thankful that all occurred while he was yet too young to have much curiosity as
to his father If an unsatisfied feeling of this kind occasionally stole into
his mind at any rate she never heard any expression of it for the past was a
sealed book between them And so in the bright strength of good endeavour the
days went on and grew again to months and years
Perhaps one little circumstance which occurred during this time had scarcely
external importance enough to be called an event but in Mr Bensons mind it
took rank as such One day about a year after Richard Bradshaw had ceased to be
a partner in his fathers house Mr Benson encountered Mr Farquhar in the
street and heard from him of the creditable and respectable manner in which
Richard was conducting himself in Glasgow where Mr Farquhar had lately been on
business
»I am determined to tell his father of this« said he »I think his family
are far too obedient to his tacit prohibition of all mention of Richards name«
»Tacit prohibition« inquired Mr Benson
»Oh I dare say I use the words in a wrong sense for the correctness of a
scholar but what I mean is that he made a point of immediately leaving the
room if Richards name was mentioned and did it in so marked a manner that by
degrees they understood that it was their fathers desire that he should never
be alluded to which was all very well as long as there was nothing pleasant to
be said about him but to I am going there and shall take good care he does
not escape me before I have told him all I have heard and observed about
Richard He will never be a hero of virtue for his education has drained him of
all moral courage but with care and the absence of all strong temptation for a
time he will do very well nothing to gratify paternal pride but certainly
nothing to be ashamed of«
It was on the Sunday after this that the little circumstance to which I have
alluded took place
During the afternoon service Mr Benson became aware that the large
Bradshaw pew was no longer unoccupied In a dark corner Mr Bradshaws white
head was to be seen bowed down low in prayer When last he had worshipped
there the hair on that head was irongrey and even in prayer he had stood
erect with an air of conscious righteousness sufficient for all his wants and
even some to spare with which to judge others Now that white and hoary head
was never uplifted part of his unobtrusiveness might it is true be attributed
to the uncomfortable feeling which was sure to attend any open withdrawal of the
declaration he had once made never to enter the chapel in which Mr Benson was
minister again and as such a feeling was natural to all men and especially to
such a one as Mr Bradshaw Mr Benson instinctively respected it and passed
out of the chapel with his household without ever directing his regards to the
obscure place where Mr Bradshaw still remained immovable
From this day Mr Benson felt sure that the old friendly feeling existed
once more between them although some time might elapse before any circumstance
gave the signal for a renewal of their intercourse
Chapter XXXIII
A Mother to Be Proud Of
Old people tell of certain years when typhus fever swept over the country like a
pestilence years that bring back the remembrance of deep sorrow refusing to
be comforted to many a household and which those whose beloved passed through
the fiery time unscathed shrink from recalling for great and tremulous was the
anxiety miserable the constant watching for evil symptoms and beyond the
threshold of home a dense cloud of depression hung over society at large It
seemed as if the alarm was proportionate to the previous lightheartedness of
fancied security and indeed it was so for since the days of King Belshazzar
the solemn decrees of Doom have ever seemed most terrible when they awe into
silence the merry revellers of life So it was this year to which I come in the
progress of my story
The summer had been unusually gorgeous Some had complained of the steaming
heat but others had pointed to the lush vegetation which was profuse and
luxuriant The early autumn was wet and cold but people did not regard it in
contemplation of some proud rejoicing of the nation which filled every
newspaper and gave food to every tongue In Eccleston these rejoicings were
greater than in most places for by the national triumph of arms it was
supposed that a new market for the staple manufacture of the place would be
opened and so the trade which had for a year or two been languishing would
now revive with redoubled vigour Besides these legitimate causes of good
spirits there was the rank excitement of a coming election in consequence of
Mr Donne having accepted a Government office procured for him by one of his
influential relations This time the Cranworths roused themselves from their
magnificent torpor of security in good season and were going through a series
of pompous and ponderous hospitalities in order to bring back the Eccleston
voters to their allegiance
While the town was full of these subjects by turns now thinking and
speaking of the great revival of trade now of the chances of the election as
yet some weeks distant now of the balls at Cranworth Court in which Mr
Cranworth had danced with all the belles of the shopocracy of Eccleston there
came creeping creeping in hidden slimy courses the terrible fever that
fever which is never utterly banished from the sad haunts of vice and misery
but lives in such darkness like a wild beast in the recesses of his den It had
begun in the low Irish lodginghouses but there it was so common it excited
little attention The poor creatures died almost without the attendance of the
unwarned medical men who received their first notice of the spreading plague
from the Roman Catholic priests
Before the medical men of Eccleston had had time to meet together and
consult and compare the knowledge of the fever which they had severally gained
it had like the blaze of a fire which had long smouldered burst forth in many
places at once not merely among the looseliving and vicious but among the
decently poor nay even among the welltodo and respectable And to add to
the horror like all similar pestilences its course was most rapid at first
and was fatal in the great majority of cases hopeless from the beginning
There was a cry and then a deep silence and then rose the long wail of the
survivors
A portion of the Infirmary of the town was added to that already set apart
for a feverward the smitten were carried thither at once whenever it was
possible in order to prevent the spread of infection and on that lazarhouse
was concentrated all the medical skill and force of the place
But when one of the physicians had died in consequence of his attendance
when the customary staff of matrons and nurses had been swept off in two days
and the nurses belonging to the Infirmary had shrunk from being drafted into the
pestilental feverward when high wages had failed to tempt any to what in
their panic they considered as certain death when the doctors stood aghast at
the swift mortality among the untended sufferers who were dependent only on the
care of the most ignorant hirelings too brutal to recognize the solemnity of
Death all this had happened within a week from the first acknowledgment of the
presence of the plague Ruth came one day with a quieter step than usual
into Mr Bensons study and told him she wanted to speak to him for a few
minutes
»To be sure my dear Sit down« said he for she was standing and leaning
her head against the chimneypiece idly gazing into the fire She went on
standing there as if she had not heard his words and it was a few moments
before she began to speak Then she said
»I want to tell you that I have been this morning and offered myself as
matron to the feverward while it is so full They have accepted me and I am
going this evening«
»Oh Ruth I feared this I saw your look this morning as we spoke of this
terrible illness«
»Why do you say fear Mr Benson You yourself have been with John Harrison
and old Betty and many others I dare say of whom we have not heard«
»But this is so different in such poisoned air among such malignant cases
Have you thought and weighed it enough Ruth«
She was quite still for a moment but her eyes grew full of tears At last
she said very softly with a kind of still solemnity
»Yes I have thought and I have weighed But through the very midst of all
my fears and thoughts I have felt that I must go«
The remembrance of Leonard was present in both their minds but for a few
moments longer they neither of them spoke Then Ruth said
»I believe I have no fear That is a great preservative they say At any
rate if I have a little natural shrinking it is quite gone when I remember
that I am in Gods hands Oh Mr Benson« continued she breaking out into the
irrepressible tears »Leonard Leonard«
And now it was his turn to speak out the brave words of faith
»Poor poor mother« said he »But be of good heart He too is in Gods
hands Think what a flash of time only will separate you from him if you should
die in this work«
»But he but he it will belong to him Mr Benson He will be alone«
»No Ruth he will not God and all good men will watch over him But if you
cannot still this agony of fear as to what will become of him you ought not to
go Such tremulous passion will predispose you to take the fever«
»I will not be afraid« she replied lifting up her face over which a
bright light shone as of Gods radiance »I am not afraid for myself I will
not be so for my darling«
After a little pause they began to arrange the manner of her going and to
speak about the length of time that she might be absent on her temporary duties
In talking of her return they assumed it to be certain although the exact time
when was to them unknown and would be dependent entirely on the duration of the
fever but not the less in their secret hearts did they feel where alone the
issue lay Ruth was to communicate with Leonard and Miss Faith through Mr
Benson alone who insisted on his determination to go every evening to the
hospital to learn the proceedings of the day and the state of Ruths health
»It is not alone on your account my dear There may be many sick people of
whom if I can give no other comfort I can take intelligence to their friends«
All was settled with grave composure yet still Ruth lingered as if nerving
herself up for some effort At length she said with a faint smile upon her pale
face
»I believe I am a great coward I stand here talking because I dread to tell
Leonard«
»You must not think of it« exclaimed he »Leave it to me It is sure to
unnerve you«
»I must think of it I shall have selfcontrol enough in a minute to do it
calmly to speak hopefully For only think« continued she smiling through the
tears that would gather in her eyes »what a comfort the remembrance of the last
few words may be to the poor fellow if« The words were choked but she
smiled bravely on »No« said she »that must be done but perhaps you will
spare me one thing will you tell Aunt Faith I suppose I am very weak but
knowing that I must go and not knowing what may be the end I feel as if I
could not bear to resist her entreaties just at last Will you tell her sir
while I go to Leonard«
Silently he consented and the two rose up and came forth calm and serene
And calmly and gently did Ruth tell her boy of her purpose not daring even to
use any unaccustomed tenderness of voice or gesture lest by so doing she
should alarm him unnecessarily as to the result She spoke hopefully and bade
him be of good courage and he caught her bravery though his poor boy had
root rather in his ignorance of the actual imminent danger than in her deep
faith
When he had gone down Ruth began to arrange her dress When she came
downstairs she went into the old familiar garden and gathered a nosegay of the
last lingering autumn flowers a few roses and the like
Mr Benson had tutored his sister well and although Miss Faiths face was
swollen with crying she spoke with almost exaggerated cheerfulness to Ruth
Indeed as they all stood at the front door makingbelieve to have careless
nothings to say just as at an ordinary leavetaking you would not have guessed
the strained chords of feeling there were in each heart They lingered on the
last rays of the setting sun falling on the group Ruth once or twice had roused
herself to the pitch of saying Goodbye but when her eye fell on Leonard she
was forced to hide the quivering of her lips and conceal her trembling mouth
amid the bunch of roses
»They wont let you have your flowers Im afraid« said Miss Benson
»Doctors so often object to the smell«
»No perhaps not« said Ruth hurriedly »I did not think of it I will only
keep this one rose Here Leonard darling« She gave the rest to him It was her
farewell for having now no veil to hide her emotion she summoned all her
bravery for one parting smile and smiling turned away But she gave one look
back from the street just from the last point at which the door could be seen
and catching a glimpse of Leonard standing foremost on the step she ran back
and he met her halfway and mother and child spoke never a word in that close
embrace
»Now Leonard« said Miss Faith »be a brave boy I feel sure she will come
back to us before very long«
But she was very near crying herself and she would have given way I
believe if she had not found the wholesome outlet of scolding Sally for
expressing just the same opinion respecting Ruths proceedings as she herself
had done not two hours before Taking what her brother had said to her as a
text she delivered such a lecture to Sally on want of faith that she was
astonished at herself and so much affected by what she had said that she had to
shut the door of communication between the kitchen and the parlour pretty
hastily in order to prevent Sallys threatened reply from weakening her belief
in the righteousness of what Ruth had done Her words had gone beyond her
conviction
Evening after evening Mr Benson went forth to gain news of Ruth and night
after night he returned with good tidings The fever it is true raged but no
plague came nigh her He said her face was ever calm and bright except when
clouded by sorrow as she gave the accounts of the deaths which occurred in spite
of every care He said that he had never seen her face so fair and gentle as it
was now when she was living in the midst of disease and woe
One evening Leonard for they had grown bolder as to the infection
accompanied him to the street on which the hospital abutted Mr Benson left him
there and told him to return home but the boy lingered attracted by the crowd
that had gathered and were gazing up intently towards the lighted windows of
the hospital There was nothing beyond that to be seen but the greater part of
these poor people had friends or relations in that palace of Death
Leonard stood and listened At first their talk consisted of vague and
exaggerated accounts if such could be exaggerated of the horrors of the fever
Then they spoke of Ruth of his mother and Leonard held his breath to hear
»They say she has been a great sinner and that this is her penance« quoth
one And as Leonard gasped before rushing forward to give the speaker straight
the lie an old man spoke
»Such a one as her has never been a great sinner nor does she do her work
as a penance but for the love of God and of the blessed Jesus She will be in
the light of Gods countenance when you and I will be standing afar off I tell
you man when my poor wench died as no one would come near her head lay at
that hour on this womans sweet breast I could fell you« the old man went on
lifting his shaking arm »for calling that woman a great sinner The blessing of
them who were ready to perish is upon her«
Immediately there arose a clamour of tongues each with some tale of his
mothers gentle doings till Leonard grew dizzy with the beatings of his glad
proud heart Few were aware how much Ruth had done she never spoke of it
shrinking with sweet shyness from overmuch allusion to her own work at all
times Her left hand truly knew not what her right hand did and Leonard was
overwhelmed now to hear of the love and the reverence with which the poor and
outcast had surrounded her It was irrepressible He stepped forward with a
proud bearing and touching the old mans arm who had first spoken Leonard
tried to speak but for an instant he could not his heart was too full tears
came before words but at length he managed to say
»Sir I am her son«
»Thou thou her bairn God bless you lad« said an old woman pushing
through the crowd »It was but last night she kept my child quiet with singing
psalms the night through Low and sweet low and sweet they tell me till many
poor things were hushed though they were out of their minds and had not heard
psalms this many a year God in heaven bless you lad«
Many other wild woebegone creatures pressed forward with blessings on
Ruths son while he could only repeat
»She is my mother«
From that day forward Leonard walked erect in the streets of Eccleston
where many arose and called her blessed
After some weeks the virulence of the fever abated and the general panic
subsided indeed a kind of foolhardiness succeeded To be sure in some
instances the panic still held possession of individuals to an exaggerated
extent But the number of patients in the hospital was rapidly diminishing and
for money those were to be found who could supply Ruths place But to her it
was owing that the overwrought fear of the town was subdued it was she who had
gone voluntarily and with no thought of greed or gain right into the very
jaws of the fierce disease She bade the inmates of the hospital farewell and
after carefully submitting herself to the purification recommended by Mr Davis
the principal surgeon of the place who had always attended Leonard she
returned to Mr Bensons just at gloaming time
They each vied with the other in the tenderest cares They hastened tea
they wheeled the sofa to the fire they made her lie down and to all she
submitted with the docility of a child and when the candles came even Mr
Bensons anxious eye could see no change in her looks but that she seemed a
little paler The eyes were as full of spiritual light the gently parted lips
as rosy and the smile if more rare yet as sweet as ever
Chapter XXXIV
»I Must Go and Nurse Mr Bellingham«
The next morning Miss Benson would insist upon making Ruth lie down on the sofa
Buth longed to do many things to be much more active but she submitted when
she found that it would gratify Miss Faith if she remained as quiet as if she
were really an invalid
Leonard sat by her holding her hand Every now and then he looked up from
his book as if to make sure that she indeed was restored to him He had brought
her down the flowers which she had given him the day of her departure and which
he had kept in water as long as they had any greenness or fragrance and then
had carefully dried and put by She too smiling had produced the one rose
which she had carried away to the hospital Never had the bond between her and
her boy been drawn so firm and strong
Many visitors came this day to the quiet Chapelhouse First of all Mrs
Farquhar appeared She looked very different from the Jemima Bradshaw of three
years ago Happiness had called out beauty the colouring of her face was
lovely and vivid as that of an autumn day her berry red lips scarce closed
over the short white teeth for her smiles and her large dark eyes glowed and
sparkled with daily happiness They were softened by a mist of tears as she
looked upon Ruth
»Lie still Dont move You must be content today to be waited upon and
nursed I have just seen Miss Benson in the lobby and had charge upon charge
not to fatigue you Oh Ruth how we all love you now we have you back again
Do you know I taught Rosa to say her prayers as soon as ever you were gone to
that horrid place just on purpose that her little innocent lips might pray for
you I wish you could hear her say it Please dear God keep Ruth safe Oh
Leonard are not you proud of your mother«
Leonard said »Yes« rather shortly as if he were annoyed that any one else
should know or even have a right to imagine how proud he was Jemima went on
»Now Ruth I have got a plan for you Walter and I have partly made it and
partly its papas doing Yes dear papa has been quite anxious to show his
respect for you We all want you to go to the dear Eagles Crag for this next
month and get strong and have some change in that fine air at Abermouth I am
going to take little Rosa there Papa has lent it to us And the weather is
often very beautiful in November«
»Thank you very much It is very tempting for I have been almost longing
for some such change I cannot tell all at once whether I can go but I will see
about it if you will let me leave it open a little«
»Oh as long as you like so that you will but go at last And Master
Leonard you are to come too Now I know I have you on my side«
Ruth thought of the place Her only reluctance arose from the remembrance of
that one interview on the sands That walk she could never go again but how
much remained How much that would be a charming balm and refreshment to her
»What happy evenings we shall have together Do you know I think Mary and
Elizabeth may perhaps come«
A bright gleam of sunshine came into the room »Look how bright and
propitious for our plans Dear Ruth it seems like an omen for the future«
Almost while she spoke Miss Benson entered bringing with her Mr Grey the
rector of Eccleston He was an elderly man short and stoutly built with
something very formal in his manner but any one might feel sure of his steady
benevolence who noticed the expression of his face and especially of the kindly
black eyes that gleamed beneath his grey and shaggy eyebrows Ruth had seen him
at the hospital once or twice and Mrs Farquhar had met him pretty frequently
in general society
»Go and tell your uncle« said Miss Benson to Leonard
»Stop my boy I have just met Mr Benson in the street and my errand now
is to your mother I should like you to remain and hear what it is and I am
sure that my business will give these ladies« bowing to Miss Benson and
Jemima »so much pleasure that I need not apologise for entering upon it in
their presence«
He pulled out his double eyeglass saying with a grave smile
»You ran away from us yesterday so quietly and cunningly Mrs Denbigh that
you were perhaps not aware that the Board was sitting at that very time and
trying to form a vote sufficiently expressive of our gratitude to you As
chairman they requested me to present you with this letter which I shall have
the pleasure of reading«
With all due emphasis he read aloud a formal letter from the Secretary to
the Infirmary conveying a vote of thanks to Ruth
The good rector did not spare her one word from date to signature and
then folding the letter up he gave it to Leonard saying
»There sir when you are an old man you may read that testimony to your
mothers noble conduct with pride and pleasure For indeed« continued he
turning to Jemima »no words can express the relief it was to us I speak of the
gentlemen composing the Board of the Infirmary When Mrs Denbigh came forward
the panic was at its height and the alarm of course aggravated the disorder
The poor creatures died rapidly there was hardly time to remove the dead bodies
before others were brought in to occupy the beds so little help was to be
procured on account of the universal terror and the morning when Mrs Denbigh
offered us her services we seemed at the very worst I shall never forget the
sensation of relief in my mind when she told us what she proposed to do but we
thought it right to warn her to the full extent«
»Nay madam« said he catching a glimpse of Ruths changing colour »I will
spare you any more praises I will only say if I can be a friend to you or a
friend to your child you may command my poor powers to the utmost«
He got up and bowing formally he took his leave Jemima came and kissed
Ruth Leonard went upstairs to put the precious letter away Miss Benson sat
crying heartily in a corner of the room Ruth went to her and threw her arms
round her neck and said
»I could not tell him just then I durst not speak for fear of breaking
down but if I have done right it was all owing to you and Mr Benson Oh I
wish I had said how the thought first came into my head from seeing the things
Mr Benson has done so quietly ever since the fever first came amongst us I
could not speak and it seemed as if I was taking those praises to myself when
all the time I was feeling how little I deserved them how it was all owing to
you«
»Under God Ruth« said Miss Benson speaking through her tears
»Oh I think there is nothing humbles one so much as undue praise While he
was reading that letter I could not help feeling how many things I have done
wrong Could he know of of what I have been« asked she dropping her voice
very low
»Yes« said Jemima »he knew everybody in Eccleston did know but the
remembrance of those days is swept away Miss Benson« she continued for she
was anxious to turn the subject »you must be on my side and persuade Ruth to
come to Abermouth for a few weeks I want her and Leonard both to come«
»Im afraid my brother will think that Leonard is missing his lessons sadly
Just of late we could not wonder that the poor childs heart was so full but he
must make haste and get on all the more for his idleness« Miss Benson piqued
herself on being a disciplinarian
»Oh as for lessons Walter is so very anxious that you should give way to
his superior wisdom Ruth and let Leonard go to school He will send him to any
school you fix upon according to the mode of life you plan for him«
»I have no plan« said Ruth »I have no means of planning All I can do is
to try and make him ready for anything«
»Well« said Jemima »we must talk it over at Abermouth for I am sure you
wont refuse to come dearest dear Ruth Think of the quiet sunny days and
the still evenings that we shall have together with little Rosa to tumble
about among the fallen leaves and theres Leonard to have his first sight of
the sea«
»I do think of it« said Ruth smiling at the happy picture Jemima drew And
both smiling at the hopeful prospect before them they parted never to meet
again in life
No sooner had Mrs Farquhar gone than Sally burst in
»Oh dear dear« said she looking around her »If I had but known that the
rector was coming to call Id ha put on the best covers and the Sunday
tablecloth Youre well enough« continued she surveying Ruth from head to
foot »youre always trim and dainty in your gowns though I reckon they cost
but tuppence a yard and youve a face to set em off but as for you« as she
turned to Miss Benson »I think you might ha had something better on than that
old stuff if it had only been to do credit to a parishioner like me whom he
has known ever sin my father was his clerk«
»You forget Sally I had been making jelly all the morning How could I
tell it was Mr Grey when there was a knock at the door« Miss Benson replied
»You might ha letten me do the jelly Ise warrant I could ha pleased Ruth
as well as you If I had but known he was coming Id ha slipped round the
corner and bought ye a neckribbon or summut to lighten ye up Ise loth he
should think Im living with Dissenters that dont know how to keep themselves
trig and smart«
»Never mind Sally he never thought of me What he came for was to see
Ruth and as you say shes always neat and dainty«
»Well I reckon it cannot be helped now but if I buy ye a ribbon will you
promise to wear it when Church folks come for I cannot abide the way they have
of scoffing at the Dissenters about their dress«
»Very well well make that bargain« said Miss Benson »and now Ruth Ill
go and fetch you a cup of warm jelly«
»Oh indeed Aunt Faith« said Ruth »I am very sorry to balk you but if
youre going to treat me as an invalid I am afraid I shall rebel«
But when she found that Aunt Faiths heart was set upon it she submitted
very graciously only dimpling up a little as she found that she must consent
to lie on the sofa and be fed when in truth she felt full of health with a
luxurious sensation of languor stealing over her now and then just enough to
make it very pleasant to think of the salt breezes and the sea beauty which
awaited her at Abermouth
Mr Davis called in the afternoon and his visit was also to Ruth Mr and
Miss Benson were sitting with her in the parlour and watching her with
contented love as she employed herself in household sewing and hopefully spoke
about the Abermouth plan
»Well so you had our worthy rector here today I am come on something of
the same kind of errand only I shall spare you the reading of my letter which
Ill answer for it he did not Please to take notice« said he putting down a
sealed letter »that I have delivered you a vote of thanks from my medical
brothers and open and read it at your leisure only not just now for I want to
have a little talk with you on my own behoof I want to ask you a favour Mrs
Denbigh«
»A favour« exclaimed Ruth »what can I do for you I think I may say I will
do it without hearing what it is«
»Then youre a very imprudent woman« replied he »however Ill take you at
your word I want you to give me your boy«
»Leonard«
»Ay there it is you see Mr Benson One minute she is as ready as can be
and the next she looks at me as if I was an ogre«
»Perhaps we dont understand what you mean« said Mr Benson
»The thing is this You know Ive no children and I cant say Ive ever
fretted over it much but my wife has and whether it is that she has infected
me or that I grieve over my good practice going to a stranger when I ought to
have had a son to take it after me I dont know but of late Ive got to look
with covetous eyes on all healthy boys and at last Ive settled down my wishes
on this Leonard of yours Mrs Denbigh«
Ruth could not speak for even yet she did not understand what he meant
He went on
»Now how old is the lad« He asked Ruth but Miss Benson replied
»Hell be twelve next February«
»Umph only twelve Hes tall and oldlooking for his age You look young
enough it is true« He said this last sentence as if to himself but seeing
Ruth crimson up he abruptly changed his tone
»Twelve is he Well I take him from now I dont mean that I really take
him away from you« said he softening all at once and becoming grave and
considerate »His being your son the son of one whom I have seen as I have
seen you Mrs Denbigh out and out the best nurse I ever met with Miss Benson
and good nurses are things we doctors know how to value his being your son is
his great recommendation to me not but what the lad himself is a noble boy I
shall be glad to leave him with you as long and as much as we can he could not
be tied to your apronstrings all his life you know Only I provide for his
education subject to your consent and good pleasure and he is bound apprentice
to me I his guardian bind him to myself the first surgeon in Eccleston be
the other who he may and in process of time he becomes partner and some day or
other succeeds me Now Mrs Denbigh what have you got to say against this
plan My wife is just as full of it as me Come begin with your objections
Youre not a woman if you have not a whole bagfull of them ready to turn out
against any reasonable proposal«
»I dont know« faltered Ruth »It is so sudden«
»It is very very kind of you Mr Davis« said Miss Benson a little
scandalised at Ruths nonexpression of gratitude
»Pooh pooh Ill answer for it in the longrun I am taking good care of
my own interests Come Mrs Denbigh is it a bargain«
Now Mr Benson spoke
»Mr Davis it is rather sudden as she says As far as I can see it is the
best as well as the kindest proposal that could have been made but I think we
must give her a little time to think about it«
»Well twentyfour hours Will that do«
Ruth lifted up her head »Mr Davis I am not ungrateful because I cant
thank you« she was crying while she spoke »let me have a fortnight to
consider about it In a fortnight I will make up my mind Oh how good you all
are«
»Very well Then this day fortnight Thursday the 28th you will let me
know your decision Mind if its against me I shant consider it a decision
for Im determined to carry my point Im not going to make Mrs Denbigh blush
Mr Benson by telling you in her presence of all I have observed about her
this last three weeks that has made me sure of the good qualities I shall find
in this boy of hers I was watching her when she little thought of it Do you
remember that night when Hector OBrien was so furiously delirious Mrs
Denbigh«
Ruth went very white at the remembrance
»Why now look there how pale she is at the very thought of it And yet I
assure you she was the one to go up and take the piece of glass from him which
he had broken out of the window for the sole purpose of cutting his throat or
the throat of any one else for that matter I wish we had some others as brave
as she is«
»I thought the great panic was passed away« said Mr Benson
»Ay the general feeling of alarm is much weaker but here and there there
are as great fools as ever Why when I leave here I am going to see our
precious member Mr Donne«
»Mr Donne« said Ruth
»Mr Donne who lies ill at the Queens came last week with the intention
of canvassing but was too much alarmed by what he heard of the fever to set to
work and in spite of all his precautions he has taken it and you should see
the terror they are in at the hotel landlord landlady waiters servants
all theres not a creature will go near him if they can help it and theres
only his groom a lad he saved from drowning Im told to do anything for
him I must get him a proper nurse somehow or somewhere for all my being a
Cranworth man Ah Mr Benson you dont know the temptations we medical men
have Think if I allowed your member to die now as he might very well if he
had no nurse how famously Mr Cranworth would walk over the course Wheres
Mrs Denbigh gone to I hope Ive not frightened her away by reminding her of
Hector OBrien and that awful night when I do assure you she behaved like a
heroine«
As Mr Benson was showing Mr Davis out Ruth opened the studydoor and
said in a very calm low voice
»Mr Benson will you allow me to speak to Mr Davis alone«
Mr Benson immediately consented thinking that in all probability she
wished to ask some further questions about Leonard but as Mr Davis came into
the room and shut the door he was struck by her pale stern face of
determination and awaited her speaking first
»Mr Davis I must go and nurse Mr Bellingham« said she at last clenching
her hands tight together but no other part of her body moving from its intense
stillness
»Mr Bellingham« asked he astonished at the name
»Mr Donne I mean« said she hurriedly »His name was Bellingham«
»Oh I remember hearing he had changed his name for some property But you
must not think of any more such work just now You are not fit for it You are
looking as white as ashes«
»I must go« she repeated
»Nonsense Heres a man who can pay for the care of the first hospital
nurses in London and I doubt if his life is worth the risk of one of theirs
even much more of yours«
»We have no right to weigh human lives against each other«
»No I know we have not But its a way we doctors are apt to get into and
at any rate its ridiculous of you to think of such a thing Just listen to
reason«
»I cant I cant« cried she with a sharp pain in her voice »You must let
me go dear Mr Davis« said she now speaking with soft entreaty
»No« said he shaking his head authoritatively »Ill do no such thing«
»Listen« said she dropping her voice and going all over the deepest
scarlet »he is Leonards father Now you will let me go«
Mr Davis was indeed staggered by what she said and for a moment he did not
speak So she went on
»You will not tell You must not tell No one knows not even Mr Benson
who it was And now it might do him so much harm to have it known You will
not tell«
»No I will not tell« replied he »But Mrs Denbigh you must answer me
this one question which I ask you in all true respect but which I must ask in
order to guide both myself and you aright of course I knew Leonard was
illegitimate in fact I will give you secret for secret it was being so
myself that first made me sympathise with him and desire to adopt him I knew
that much of your history but tell me do you now care for this man Answer me
truly do you love him«
For a moment or two she did not speak her head was bent down then she
raised it up and looked with clear and honest eyes into his face
»I have been thinking but I do not know I cannot tell I dont think I
should love him if he were well and happy but you said he was ill and alone
how can I help caring for him How can I help caring for him« repeated she
covering her face with her hands and the quick hot tears stealing through her
fingers »He is Leonards father« continued she looking up at Mr Davis
suddenly »He need not know he shall not that I have ever been near him If
he is like the others he must be delirious I will leave him before he comes
to himself but now let me go I must go«
»I wish my tongue had been bitten out before I had named him to you He
would do well enough without you and I dare say if he recognises you he will
only be annoyed«
»It is very likely« said Ruth heavily
»Annoyed why he may curse you for your unaskedfor care of him I have
heard my poor mother and she was as pretty and delicate a creature as you are
cursed for showing tenderness when it was not wanted Now be persuaded by an
old man like me who has seen enough of life to make his heart ache leave this
fine gentleman to his fate Ill promise you to get him as good a nurse as can
be had for money«
»No« said Ruth with dull persistency as if she had not attended to his
dissuasions »I must go I will leave him before he recognises me«
»Why then« said the old surgeon »if youre so bent upon it I suppose I
must let you It is but what my mother would have done poor heartbroken
thing However come along and let us make the best of it It saves me a deal
of trouble I know for if I have you for a right hand I need not worry myself
continually with wondering how he is taken care of Go get your bonnet you
tenderhearted fool of a woman Let us get you out of the house without any more
scenes or explanations Ill make all straight with the Bensons«
»You will not tell my secret Mr Davis« she said abruptly
»No not I Does the woman think I had never to keep a secret of the kind
before I only hope hell lose his election and never come near the place
again After all« continued he sighing »I suppose it is but human nature« He
began recalling the circumstances of his own early life and dreamily picturing
scenes in the grey dying embers of the fire and he was almost startled when she
stood before him ready equipped grave pale and quiet
»Come along« said he »If youre to do any good at all it must be in these
next three days After that Ill ensure his life for this bout and mind I
shall send you home then for he might know you and Ill have no excitement to
throw him back again and no sobbing and crying from you But now every moment
your care is precious to him I shall tell my own story to the Bensons as soon
as I have installed you«
Mr Donne lay in the best room of the Queens Hotel no one with him but
his faithful ignorant servant who was as much afraid of the fever as any one
else could be but who nevertheless would not leave his master his master
who had saved his life as a child and afterwards put him in the stables at
Bellingham Hall where he learnt all that he knew He stood in a farther corner
of the room watching his delirious master with affrighted eyes not daring to
come near him nor yet willing to leave him
»Oh if that doctor would but come Hell kill himself or me and them
stupid servants wont stir a step over the threshold how shall I get over the
night Blessings on him heres the old doctor back again I hear him creaking
and scolding up the stairs«
The door opened and Mr Davis entered followed by Ruth
»Heres the nurse my good man such a nurse as there is not in the three
counties Now all youll have to do is to mind what she says«
»Oh sir hes mortal bad wont you stay with us through the night sir«
»Look here« whispered Mr Davis to the man »see how she knows how to
manage him Why I could not do it better myself«
She had gone up to the wild raging figure and with soft authority had made
him lie down and then placing a basin of cold water by the bedside she had
dipped in it her pretty hands and was laying their cool dampness on his hot
brow speaking in a low soothing voice all the time in a way that acted like a
charm in hushing his mad talk
»But I will stay« said the doctor after he had examined his patient »as
much on her account as his and partly to quieten the fears of this poor
faithful fellow«
Chapter XXXV
Out of Darkness into Light
The third night after this was to be the crisis the turningpoint between Life
and Death Mr Davis came again to pass it by the bedside of the sufferer Ruth
was there constant and still intent upon watching the symptoms and acting
according to them in obedience to Mr Daviss directions She had never left
the room Every sense had been strained in watching every power of thought or
judgment had been kept on the full stretch Now that Mr Davis came and took her
place and that the room was quiet for the night she became oppressed with
heaviness which yet did not tend to sleep She could not remember the present
time or where she was All times of her earliest youth the days of her
childhood were in her memory with a minuteness and fulness of detail which was
miserable for all along she felt that she had no real grasp on the scenes that
were passing through her mind that somehow they were long gone by and gone
by for ever and yet she could not remember who she was now nor where she was
and whether she had now any interests in life to take the place of those which
she was conscious had passed away although their remembrance filled her mind
with painful acuteness Her head lay on her arms and they rested on the table
Every now and then she opened her eyes and saw the large room handsomely
furnished with articles that were each one incongruous with the other as if
bought at sales She saw the flickering nightlight she heard the ticking of
the watch and the two breathings each going on at a separate rate one
hurried abruptly stopping and then panting violently as if to make up for
lost time and the other slow steady and regular as if the breather was
asleep but this supposition was contradicted by an occasional repressed sound
of yawning The sky through the uncurtained window looked dark and black would
this night never have an end Had the sun gone down for ever and would the
world at last awaken to a general sense of everlasting night
Then she felt as if she ought to get up and go and see how the troubled
sleeper in yonder bed was struggling through his illness but she could not
remember who the sleeper was and she shrunk from seeing some phantomface on
the pillow such as now began to haunt the dark corners of the room and look at
her jibbering and mowing as they looked So she covered her face again and
sank into a whirling stupor of sense and feeling Byandby she heard her
fellowwatcher stirring and a dull wonder stole over her as to what he was
doing but the heavy languor pressed her down and kept her still At last she
heard the words Come here and listlessly obeyed the command She had to steady
herself in the rocking chamber before she could walk to the bed by which Mr
Davis stood but the effort to do so roused her and though conscious of an
oppressive headache she viewed with sudden and clear vision all the
circumstances of her present position Mr Davis was near the head of the bed
holding the nightlamp high and shading it with his hand that it might not
disturb the sick person who lay with his face towards them in feeble
exhaustion but with every sign that the violence of the fever had left him It
so happened that the rays of the lamp fell bright and full upon Ruths
countenance as she stood with her crimson lips parted with the hurrying breath
and the feverflush brilliant on her cheeks Her eyes were wide open and their
pupils distended She looked on the invalid in silence and hardly understood why
Mr Davis had summoned her there
»Dont you see the change He is better the crisis is past«
But she did not speak her looks were riveted on his softlyunclosing eyes
which met hers as they opened languidly She could not stir or speak She was
held fast by that gaze of his in which a faint recognition dawned and grew to
strength
He murmured some words They strained their sense to hear He repeated them
even lower than before but this time they caught what he was saying
»Where are the waterlilies Where are the lilies in her hair«
Mr Davis drew Ruth away
»He is still rambling« said he »But the fever has left him«
The grey dawn was now filling the room with its cold light was it that made
Ruths cheek so deadly pale Could that call out the wild entreaty of her look
as if imploring help against some cruel foe that held her fast and was
wrestling with her Spirit of Life She held Mr Daviss arm If she had let it
go she would have fallen
»Take me home« she said and fainted dead away
Mr Davis carried her out of the chamber and sent the groom to keep watch
by his master He ordered a fly to convey her to Mr Bensons and lifted her in
when it came for she was still half unconscious It was he who carried her
upstairs to her room where Miss Benson and Sally undressed and laid her in her
bed
He awaited their proceedings in Mr Bensons study When Mr Benson came in
Mr Davis said
»Dont blame me Dont add to my selfreproach I have killed her I was a
cruel fool to let her go Dont speak to me«
»It may not be so bad« said Mr Benson himself needing comfort in that
shock »She may recover She surely will recover I believe she will«
»No no she wont But by she shall if I can save her« Mr Davis
looked defiantly at Mr Benson as if he were Fate »I tell you she shall
recover or else I am a murderer What business had I to take her to nurse him«
He was cut short by Sallys entrance and announcement that Ruth was now
prepared to see him
From that time forward Mr Davis devoted all his leisure his skill his
energy to save her He called on the rival surgeon to beg him to undertake the
management of Mr Donnes recovery saying with his usual selfmockery »I
could not answer it to Mr Cranworth if I had brought his opponent round you
know when I had had such a fine opportunity in my power Now with your
patients and general Radical interest it will be rather a feather in your cap
for he may want a good deal of care yet though he is getting on famously so
rapidly in fact that its a strong temptation to me to throw him back a
relapse you know«
The other surgeon bowed gravely apparently taking Mr Davis in earnest but
certainly very glad of the job thus opportunely thrown in his way In spite of
Mr Daviss real and deep anxiety about Ruth he could not help chuckling over
his rivals literal interpretation of all he had said
»To be sure what fools men are I dont know why one should watch and
strive to keep them in the world I have given this fellow something to talk
about confidently to all his patients I wonder how much stronger a dose the man
would have swallowed I must begin to take care of my practice for that lad
yonder Welladay welladay What was this sick fine gentleman sent here for
that she should run a chance of her life for him or why was he sent into the
world at all for that matter«
Indeed however much Mr Davis might labour with all his professional skill
however much they might all watch and pray and weep it was but too
evident that Ruth home must go and take her wages Poor poor Ruth
It might be that utterly exhausted by watching and nursing first in the
hospital and then by the bedside of her former lover the power of her
constitution was worn out or it might be her gentle pliant sweetness but
she displayed no outrage or discord even in her delirium There she lay in the
atticroom in which her baby had been born her watch over him kept her
confession to him made and now she was stretched on the bed in utter
helplessness softly gazing at vacancy with her open unconscious eyes from
which all the depth of their meaning had fled and all they told of was of a
sweet childlike insanity within The watchers could not touch her with their
sympathy or come near her in her dim world so mutely but looking at each
other from time to time with tearful eyes they took a poor comfort from the one
evident fact that though lost and gone astray she was happy and at peace They
had never heard her sing indeed the simple art which her mother had taught
her had died with her early joyousness at that dear mothers death But now
she sang continually very slow and low She went from one old childish ditty
to another without let or pause keeping a strange sort of time with her pretty
fingers as they closed and unclosed themselves upon the counterpane She never
looked at any one with the slightest glimpse of memory or intelligence in her
face no not even Leonard
Her strength faded day by day but she knew it not Her sweet lips were
parted to sing even after the breath and the power to do so had left her and
her fingers fell idly on the bed Two days she lingered thus all but gone from
them and yet still there
They stood around her bedside not speaking or sighing or moaning they
were too much awed by the exquisite peacefulness of her look for that Suddenly
she opened wide her eyes and gazed intently forwards as if she saw some happy
vision which called out a lovely rapturous breathless smile They held their
very breaths
»I see the Light coming« said she »The Light is coming« she said And
raising herself slowly she stretched out her arms and then fell back very
still for evermore
They did not speak Mr Davis was the first to utter a word
»It is over« said he »She is dead«
Out rang through the room the cry of Leonard
»Mother mother mother You have not left me alone You will not leave me
alone You are not dead Mother Mother«
They had pent in his agony of apprehension till then that no wail of her
child might disturb her ineffable calm But now there was a cry heard through
the house of one refusing to be comforted »Mother Mother«
But Ruth lay dead
Chapter XXXVI
The End
A stupor of grief succeeded to Leonards passionate cries He became so much
depressed physically as well as mentally before the end of the day that Mr
Davis was seriously alarmed for the consequences He hailed with gladness a
proposal made by the Farquhars that the boy should be removed to their house
and placed under the fond care of his mothers friend who sent her own child to
Abermouth the better to devote herself to Leonard
When they told him of this arrangement he at first refused to go and leave
her but when Mr Benson said
»She would have wished it Leonard Do it for her sake« he went away very
quietly not speaking a word after Mr Benson had made the voluntary promise
that he should see her once again He neither spoke nor cried for many hours
and all Jemimas delicate wiles were called forth before his heavy heart could
find the relief of tears And then he was so weak and his pulse so low that
all who loved him feared for his life
Anxiety about him made a sad distraction from the sorrow for the dead The
three old people who now formed the household in the Chapelhouse went about
slowly and dreamily each with a dull wonder at their hearts why they the
infirm and wornout were left while she was taken in her lovely prime
The third day after Ruths death a gentleman came to the door and asked to
speak to Mr Benson He was very much wrapped up in furs and cloaks and the
upper exposed part of his face was sunk and hollow like that of one but
partially recoved from illness Mr and Miss Benson were at Mr Farquhars gone
to see Leonard and poor old Sally had been having a hearty cry over the kitchen
fire before answering the doorknock Her heart was tenderly inclined just
then towards any one who had the aspect of suffering so although her master
was out and she was usually chary of admitting strangers she proposed to Mr
Donne for it was he that he should come in and await Mr Bensons return in
the study He was glad enough to avail himself of her offer for he was feeble
and nervous and come on a piece of business which he exceedingly disliked and
about which he felt very awkward The fire was nearly if not quite out nor
did Sallys vigorous blows do much good although she left the room with an
assurance that it would soon burn up He leant against the chimneypiece
thinking over events and with a sensation of discomfort both external and
internal growing and gathering upon him He almost wondered whether the
proposal he meant to make with regard to Leonard could not be better arranged by
letter than by an interview He became very shivery and impatient of the state
of indecision to which his bodily weakness had reduced him
Sally opened the door and came in »Would you like to walk upstairs sir«
asked she in a trembling voice for she had learnt who the visitor was from the
driver of the fly who had run up to the house to inquire what was detaining the
gentleman that he had brought from the Queens Hotel and knowing that Ruth had
caught the fatal fever from her attendance on Mr Donne Sally imagined that it
was but a piece of sad civility to invite him upstairs to see the poor dead
body which she had laid out and decked for the grave with such fond care that
she had grown strangely proud of its marble beauty
Mr Donne was glad enough of any proposal of a change from the cold and
comfortless room where he had thought uneasy remorseful thoughts He fancied
that a change of place would banish the train of reflection that was troubling
him but the change he anticipated was to a wellwarmed cheerful sittingroom
with signs of life and a bright fire therein and he was on the last flight of
stairs at the door of the room where Ruth lay before he understood whither
Sally was conducting him He shrank back for an instant and then a strange
sting of curiosity impelled him on He stood in the humble lowroofed attic the
window open and the tops of the distant snowcovered hills filling up the
whiteness of the general aspect He muffled himself up in his cloak and
shuddered while Sally reverently drew down the sheet and showed the beautiful
calm still face on which the last rapturous smile still lingered giving an
ineffable look of bright serenity Her arms were crossed over her breast the
wimplelike cap marked the perfect oval of her face while two braids of the
waving auburn hair peeped out of the narrow border and lay on the delicate
cheeks
He was awed into admiration by the wonderful beauty of that dead woman
»How beautiful she is« said he beneath his breath »Do all dead people
look so peaceful so happy«
»Not all« replied Sally crying »Few has been as good and as gentle as she
was in their lives« She quite shook with her sobbing
Mr Donne was disturbed by her distress
»Come my good woman we must all die« he did not know what to say and
was becoming infected by her sorrow »I am sure you loved her very much and
were very kind to her in her lifetime you must take this from me to buy
yourself some remembrance of her« He had pulled out a sovereign and really had
a kindly desire to console her and reward her in offering it to her
But she took her apron from her eyes as soon as she became aware of what he
was doing and still holding it midway in her hands she looked at him
indignantly before she burst out
»And who are you that think to pay for my kindness to her by money And I
was not kind to you my darling« said she passionately addressing the
motionless serene body »I was not kind to you I frabbed you and plagued you
from the first my lamb I came and cut off your pretty locks in this very room
I did and you said never an angry word to me no not then nor many a
time after when I was very sharp and cross to you No I never was kind to
you and I dunnot think the world was kind to you my darling but you are
gone where the angels are very tender to such as you you are my poor wench«
She bent down and kissed the lips from whose marble unyielding touch Mr Donne
recoiled even in thought
Just then Mr Benson entered the room He had returned home before his
sister and came upstairs in search of Sally to whom he wanted to speak on some
subject relating to the funeral He bowed in recognition of Mr Donne whom he
knew as the member for the town and whose presence impressed him painfully as
his illness had been the proximate cause of Ruths death But he tried to check
this feeling as it was no fault of Mr Donnes Sally stole out of the room to
cry at leisure in her kitchen
»I must apologise for being here« said Mr Donne »I was hardly conscious
where your servant was leading me to when she expressed her wish that I should
walk upstairs«
»It is a very common idea in this town that it is a gratification to be
asked to take a last look at the dead« replied Mr Benson
»And in this case I am glad to have seen her once more« said Mr Donne
»Poor Ruth«
Mr Benson glanced up at him at the last word How did he know her name To
him she had only been Mrs Denbigh But Mr Donne had no idea that he was
talking to one unaware of the connection that had formerly existed between them
and though he would have preferred carrying on the conversation in a warmer
room yet as Mr Benson was still gazing at her with sad lingering love he
went on
»I did not recognise her when she came to nurse me I believe I was
delirious My servant who had known her long ago in Fordham told me who she
was I cannot tell you how I regret that she should have died in consequence of
her love of me«
Mr Benson looked up at him again a stern light filling his eyes as he did
so He waited impatiently to hear more either to quench or confirm his
suspicions If she had not been lying there very still and calm he would have
forced the words out of Mr Donne by some abrupt question As it was he
listened silently his heart quick beating
»I know that money is but a poor compensation is no remedy for this event
or for my youthful folly«
Mr Benson set his teeth hard together to keep in words little short of a
curse
»Indeed I offered her money to almost any amount before do me justice
sir« catching the gleam of indignation on Mr Bensons face »I offered to
marry her and provide for the boy as if he had been legitimate Its of no use
recurring to that time« said he his voice faltering »what is done cannot be
undone But I came now to say that I should be glad to leave the boy still
under your charge and that every expense you think it right to incur in his
education I will gladly defray and place a sum of money in trust for him
say two thousand pounds or more fix what you will Of course if you decline
retaining him I must find some one else but the provision for him shall be the
same for my poor Ruths sake«
Mr Benson did not speak He could not till he had gathered some peace from
looking at the ineffable repose of the Dead
Then before he answered he covered up her face and in his voice there was
the stillness of ice
»Leonard is not unprovided for Those that honoured his mother will take
care of him He shall never touch a penny of your money Every offer of service
you have made I reject in his name and in her presence« said he bending
towards the Dead »Men may call such actions as yours youthful follies There is
another name for them with God Sir I will follow you downstairs«
All the way down Mr Benson heard Mr Donnes voice urging and entreating
but the words he could not recognise for the thoughts that filled his brain
the rapid putting together of events that was going on there And when Mr Donne
turned at the door to speak again and repeat his offers of service to Leonard
Mr Benson made answer without well knowing whether the answer fitted the
question or not
»I thank God you have no right legal or otherwise over the child And for
her sake I will spare him the shame of ever hearing your name as his father«
He shut the door in Mr Donnes face
»An illbred puritanical old fellow He may have the boy I am sure for
aught I care I have done my duty and will get out of this abominable place as
soon as I can I wish my last remembrance of my beautiful Ruth was not mixed up
with all these people«
Mr Benson was bitterly oppressed with tills interview it disturbed the
peace with which he was beginning to contemplate events His anger ruffled him
although such anger had been just and such indignation well deserved and both
had been unconsciously present in his heart for years against the unknown
seducer whom he met face to face by the deathbed of Ruth
It gave him a shock which he did not recover from for many days He was
nervously afraid lest Mr Donne should appear at the funeral and not all the
reasons he alleged to himself against this apprehension put it utterly away
from him Before then however he heard casually for he would allow himself no
inquiries that he had left the town No Ruths funeral passed over in calm and
simple solemnity Her child her own household her friend and Mr Farquhar
quietly walked after the bier which was borne by some of the poor to whom she
had been very kind in her lifetime And many others stood aloof in the little
buryingground sadly watching that last ceremony
They slowly dispersed Mr Benson leading Leonard by the hand and secretly
wondering at his selfrestraint
Mr Benson was anxious according to Dissenting custom to preach an
appropriate funeral sermon It was the last office he could render to her it
should be done well and carefully Moreover it was possible that the
circumstances of her life which were known to all might be made effective in
this manner to work conviction of many truths Accordingly he made great
preparation of thought and paper he laboured hard destroying sheet after sheet
his eyes filling with tears betweenwhiles as he remembered some fresh proof
of the humility and sweetness of her life Oh that he could do her justice but
words seemed hard and inflexible and refused to fit themselves to his ideas He
sat late on Saturday writing he watched through the night till Sunday morning
was far advanced He had never taken such pains with any sermon and he was only
half satisfied with it after all
Mrs Farquhar had comforted the bitterness of Sallys grief by giving her
very handsome mourning At any rate she felt oddly proud and exulting when she
thought of her new black gown but when she remembered why she wore it she
scolded herself pretty sharply for her satisfaction and took to crying afresh
with redoubled vigour She spent the Sunday morning in alternately smoothing
down her skirts and adjusting her broad hemmed collar or bemoaning the
occasion with tearful earnestness But the sorrow overcame the little quaint
vanity of her heart as she saw troop after troop of humblydressed mourners
pass by into the old chapel They were very poor but each had mounted some
rusty piece of crape or some faded black ribbon The old came halting and slow
the mothers carried their quiet awestruck babes
And not only these were there but others equally unaccustomed to
nonconformist worship Mr Davis for instance to whom Sally acted as
chaperone for he sat in the ministers pew as a stranger and as she
afterwards said she had a fellowfeeling with him being a Churchwoman
herself and Dissenters had such awkward ways however she had been there
before so she could set him to rights about their fashions
From the pulpit Mr Benson saw one and all the wellfilled Bradshaw pew
all in deep mourning Mr Bradshaw conspicuously so he would have attended the
funeral gladly if they would have asked him the Farquhars the many
strangers the still more numerous poor one or two wildlooking outcasts who
stood afar off but wept silently and continually Mr Bensons heart grew very
full
His voice trembled as he read and prayed But he steadied it as he opened
his sermon his great last effort in her honour the labour that he had
prayed God to bless to the hearts of many For an instant the old man looked on
all the upturned faces listening with wet eyes to hear what he could say to
interpret that which was in their hearts dumb and unshaped of Gods doings as
shown in her life He looked and as he gazed a mist came before him and he
could not see his sermon nor his hearers but only Ruth as she had been
stricken low and crouching from sight in the upland field by Llandhu like a
woeful hunted creature And now her life was over her struggle ended Sermon
and all was forgotten He sat down and hid his face in his hands for a minute
or so Then he arose pale and serene He put the sermon away and opened the
Bible and read the seventh chapter of Revelations beginning at the ninth
verse
Before it was finished most of his hearers were in tears It came home to
them as more appropriate than any sermon could have been Even Sally though
full of anxiety as to what her fellowChurchman would think of such proceedings
let the sobs come freely as she heard the words
»And he said to me These are they which came out of great tribulation and
have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb
Therefore are they before the throne of God and serve him day and night in
his temple and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them
They shall hunger no more neither thirst any more neither shall the sun
light on them nor any heat
For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them and shall
lead them unto living fountains of waters and God shall wipe away all tears
from their eyes«
»He preaches sermons sometimes« said Sally nudging Mr Davis as they rose
from their knees at last »I make no doubt there was as grand a sermon in yon
paperbook as ever we hear in church Ive heard him pray uncommon fine quite
beyond any but learned folk«
Mr Bradshaw had been anxious to do something to testify his respect for the
woman who if all had entertained his opinions would have been driven into
hopeless sin Accordingly he ordered the first stonemason of the town to meet
him in the chapelyard on Monday morning to take measurement and receive
directions for a tombstone They threaded their way among the grassy heaps to
where Ruth was buried in the south corner beneath the great Wychelm When
they got there Leonard raised himself up from the newstirred turf His face
was swollen with weeping but when he saw Mr Bradshaw he calmed himself and
checked his sobs and as an explanation of being where he was when thus
surprised he could find nothing to say but the simple words
»My mother is dead sir«
His eyes sought those of Mr Bradshaw with a wild look of agony as if to
find comfort for that great loss in human sympathy and at the first word the
first touch of Mr Bradshaws hand on his shoulder he burst out afresh
»Come come my boy Mr Francis I will see you about this tomorrow I
will call at your house Let me take you home my poor fellow Come my lad
come«
The first time for years that he had entered Mr Bensons house he came
leading and comforting her son and for a moment he could not speak to his
old friend for the sympathy which choked up his voice and filled his eyes with
tears