Oliver Goldsmith
The Vicar of Wakefield
A Tale
Sperate miseri cavete fælices
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There are an hundred faults in this Thing and an hundred things might be said
to prove them beauties But it is needless A book may be amusing with numerous
errors or it may be very dull without a single absurdity The hero of this
piece unites in himself the three greatest characters upon earth he is a
priest an husbandman and the father of a family He is drawn as ready to
teach and ready to obey as simple in affluence and majestic in adversity In
this age of opulence and refinement whom can such a character please Such as
are fond of high life will turn with disdain from the simplicity of his country
fireside Such as mistake ribaldry for humour will find no wit in his harmless
conversation and such as have been taught to deride religion will laugh at one
whose chief stores of comfort are drawn from futurity
OLIVER GOLDSMITH
Chap I
The description of the family of Wakefield in which a kindred likeness prevails
as well of minds as of persons
I was ever of opinion that the honest man who married and brought up a large
family did more service than he who continued single and only talked of
population From this motive I had scarce taken orders a year before I began to
think seriously of matrimony and chose my wife as she did her wedding gown not
for a fine glossy surface but such qualities as would wear well To do her
justice she was a goodnatured notable woman and as for breeding there were
few country ladies who could shew more She could read any English book without
much spelling but for pickling preserving and cookery none could excel her
She prided herself also upon being an excellent contriver in housekeeping tho
I could never find that we grew richer with all her contrivances
However we loved each other tenderly and our fondness encreased as we grew
old There was in fact nothing that could make us angry with the world or each
other We had an elegant house situated in a fine country and a good
neighbourhood The year was spent in moral or rural amusements in visiting our
rich neighbours and relieving such as were poor We had no revolutions to fear
nor fatigues to undergo all our adventures were by the fireside and all our
migrations from the blue bed to the brown
As we lived near the road we often had the traveller or stranger visit us
to taste our gooseberry wine for which we had great reputation and I profess
with the veracity of an historian that I never knew one of them find fault with
it Our cousins too even to the fortieth remove all remembered their affinity
without any help from the Heralds office and came very frequently to see us
Some of them did us no great honour by these claims of kindred as we had the
blind the maimed and the halt amongst the number However my wife always
insisted that as they were the same flesh and blood they should sit with us at
the same table So that if we had not very rich we generally had very happy
friends about us for this remark will hold good thro life that the poorer the
guest the better pleased he ever is with being treated and as some men gaze
with admiration at the colours of a tulip or the wing of a butterfly so I was
by nature an admirer of happy human faces However when any one of our
relations was found to be a person of very bad character a troublesome guest
or one we desired to get rid of upon his leaving my house I ever took care to
lend him a riding coat or a pair of boots or sometimes an horse of small
value and I always had the satisfaction of finding he never came back to return
them By this the house was cleared of such as we did not like but never was
the family of Wakefield known to turn the traveller or the poor dependant out of
doors
Thus we lived several years in a state of much happiness not but that we
sometimes had those little rubs which Providence sends to enhance the value of
its favours My orchard was often robbed by schoolboys and my wifes custards
plundered by the cats or the children The Squire would sometimes fall asleep
in the most pathetic parts of my sermon or his lady return my wifes civilities
at church with a mutilated curtesy But we soon got over the uneasiness caused
by such accidents and usually in three or four days began to wonder how they
vext us
My children the offspring of temperance as they were educated without
softness so they were at once well formed and healthy my sons hardy and
active my daughters beautiful and blooming When I stood in the midst of the
little circle which promised to be the supports of my declining age I could
not avoid repeating the famous story of Count Abensberg who in Henry Ils
progress through Germany while other courtiers came with their treasures
brought his thirtytwo children and presented them to his sovereign as the most
valuable offering he had to bestow In this manner though I had but six I
considered them as a very valuable present made to my country and consequently
looked upon it as my debtor Our eldest son was named George after his uncle
who left us ten thousand pounds Our second child a girl I intended to call
after her aunt Grissel but my wife who during her pregnancy had been reading
romances insisted upon her being called Olivia In less than another year we
had another daughter and now I was determined that Grissel should be her name
but a rich relation taking a fancy to stand godmother the girl was by her
directions called Sophia so that we had two romantic names in the family but
I solemnly protest I had no hand in it Moses was our next and after an
interval of twelve years we had two sons more
It would be fruitless to deny my exultation when I saw my little ones about
me but the vanity and the satisfaction of my wife were even greater than mine
When our visitors would say »Well upon my word Mrs Primrose you have the
finest children in the whole country« »Ay neighbour« she would answer
»they are as heaven made them handsome enough if they be good enough for
handsome is that handsome does« And then she would bid the girls hold up their
heads who to conceal nothing were certainly very handsome Mere outside is so
very trifling a circumstance with me that I should scarce have remembered to
mention it had it not been a general topic of conversation in the country
Olivia now about eighteen had that luxuriancy of beauty with which painters
generally draw Hebe open sprightly and commanding Sophias features were not
so striking at first but often did more certain execution for they were soft
modest and alluring The one vanquished by a single blow the other by efforts
successfully repeated
The temper of a woman is generally formed from the turn of her features at
least it was so with my daughters Olivia wished for many lovers Sophia to
secure one Olivia was often affected from too great a desire to please Sophia
even represt excellence from her fears to offend The one entertained me with
her vivacity when I was gay the other with her sense when I was serious But
these qualities were never carried to excess in either and I have often seen
them exchange characters for a whole day together A suit of mourning has
transformed my coquet into a prude and a new set of ribbands has given her
younger sister more than natural vivacity My eldest son George was bred at
Oxford as I intended him for one of the learned professions My second boy
Moses whom I designed for business received a sort of a miscellaneous
education at home But it is needless to attempt describing the particular
characters of young people that had seen but very little of the world In short
a family likeness prevailed through all and properly speaking they had but one
character that of being all equally generous credulous simple and
inoffensive
Chap II
Family misfortunes The loss of fortune only serves to encrease the pride of the
worthy
The temporal concerns of our family were chiefly committed to my wifes
management as to the spiritual I took them entirely under my own direction The
profits of my living which amounted to but thirtyfive pounds a year I made
over to the orphans and widows of the clergy of our diocese for having a
sufficient fortune of my own I was careless of temporalities and felt a secret
pleasure in doing my duty without reward I also set a resolution of keeping no
curate and of being acquainted with every man in the parish exhorting the
married men to temperance and the bachelors to matrimony so that in a few years
it was a common saying that there were three strange wants at Wakefield a
parson wanting pride young men wanting wives and alehouses wanting customers
Matrimony was always one of my favourite topics and I wrote several sermons
to prove its happiness but there was a peculiar tenet which I made a point of
supporting for I maintained with Whiston that it was unlawful for a priest of
the church of England after the death of his first wife to take a second or
to express it in one word I valued myself upon being a strict monogamist
I was early innitiated into this important dispute on which so many
laborious volumes have been written I published some tracts upon the subject
myself which as they never sold I have the consolation of thinking are read
only by the happy Few Some of my friends called this my weak side but alas
they had not like me made it the subject of long contemplation The more I
reflected upon it the more important it appeared I even went a step beyond
Whiston in displaying my principles as he had engraven upon his wifes tomb
that she was the only wife of William Whiston so I wrote a similar epitaph for
my wife though still living in which I extolled her prudence oeconomy and
obedience till death and having got it copied fair with an elegant frame it
was placed over the chimneypiece where it answered several very useful
purposes It admonished my wife of her duty to me and my fidelity to her it
inspired her with a passion for fame and constantly put her in mind of her end
It was thus perhaps from hearing marriage so often recommended that my
eldest son just upon leaving college fixed his affections upon the daughter of
a neighbouring clergyman who was a dignitary in the church and in
circumstances to give her a large fortune but fortune was her smallest
accomplishment Miss Arabella Wilmot was allowed by all except my two
daughters to be completely pretty Her youth health and innocence were still
heightened by a complexion so transparent and such an happy sensibility of
look as even age could not gaze on with indifference As Mr Wilmot knew that I
could make a very handsome settlement on my son he was not averse to the match
so both families lived together in all that harmony which generally precedes an
expected alliance Being convinced by experience that the days of courtship are
the most happy of our lives I was willing enough to lengthen the period and
the various amusements which the young couple every day shared in each others
company seemed to encrease their passion We were generally awaked in the
morning by music and on fine days rode a hunting The hours between breakfast
and dinner the ladies devoted to dress and study they usually read a page and
then gazed at themselves in the glass which even philosophers might own often
presented the page of greatest beauty At dinner my wife took the lead for as
she always insisted upon carving every thing herself it being her mothers way
she gave us upon these occasions the history of every dish When we had dined
to prevent the ladies leaving us I generally ordered the table to be removed
and sometimes with the music masters assistance the girls would give us a
very agreeable concert Walking out drinking tea country dances and forfeits
shortened the rest of the day without the assistance of cards as I hated all
manner of gaming except backgammon at which my old friend and I sometimes took
a twopenny hit Nor can I here pass over an ominous circumstance that happened
the last time we played together I only wanted to fling a quatre and yet I
threw deuce ace five times running
Some months were elapsed in this manner till at last it was thought
convenient to fix a day for the nuptials of the young couple who seemed
earnestly to desire it During the preparations for the wedding I need not
describe the busy importance of my wife nor the sly looks of my daughters in
fact my attention was fixed on another object the completing a tract which I
intended shortly to publish in defence of my favourite principle As I looked
upon this as a masterpiece both for argument and style I could not in the
pride of my heart avoid shewing it to my old friend Mr Wilmot as I made no
doubt of receiving his approbation but not till too late I discovered that he
was most violently attached to the contrary opinion and with good reason for
he was at that time actually courting a fourth wife This as may be expected
produced a dispute attended with some acrimony which threatened to interrupt
our intended alliance but on the day before that appointed for the ceremony we
agreed to discuss the subject at large
It was managed with proper spirit on both sides he asserted that I was
heterodox I retorted the charge he replied and I rejoined In the mean time
while the controversy was hottest I was called out by one of my relations who
with a face of concern advised me to give up the dispute at least till my
sons wedding was over »How« cried I »relinquish the cause of truth and let
him be an husband already driven to the very verge of absurdity You might as
well advise me to give up my fortune as my argument« »Your fortune« returned
my friend »I am now sorry to inform you is almost nothing The merchant in
town in whose hands your money was lodged has gone off to avoid a statute of
bankruptcy and is thought not to have left a shilling in the pound I was
unwilling to shock you or the family with the account till after the wedding
but now it may serve to moderate your warmth in the argument for I suppose
your own prudence will enforce the necessity of dissembling at least till your
son has the young ladys fortune secure« »Well« returned I »if what you
tell me be true and if I am to be a beggar it shall never make me a rascal or
induce me to disavow my principles Ill go this moment and inform the company
of my circumstances and as for the argument I even here retract my former
concessions in the old gentlemans favour nor will I allow him now to be an
husband in any sense of the expression«
It would be endless to describe the different sensations of both families
when I divulged the news of our misfortune but what others felt was slight to
what the lovers appeared to endure Mr Wilmot who seemed before sufficiently
inclined to break off the match was by this blow soon determined one virtue he
had in perfection which was prudence too often the only one that is left us at
seventytwo
Chap III
A migration The fortunate circumstances of our lives are generally found at
last to be of our own procuring
The only hope of our family now was that the report of our misfortunes might be
malicious or premature but a letter from my agent in town soon came with a
confirmation of every particular The loss of fortune to myself alone would have
been trifling the only uneasiness I felt was for my family who were to be
humble without an education to render them callous to contempt
Near a fortnight had passed before I attempted to restrain their affliction
for premature consolation is but the remembrancer of sorrow During this
interval my thoughts were employed on some future means of supporting them and
at last a small Cure of fifteen pounds a year was offered me in a distant
neighbourhood where I could still enjoy my principles without molestation With
this proposal I joyfully closed having determined to encrease my salary by
managing a little farm
Having taken this resolution my next care was to get together the wrecks of
my fortune and all debts collected and paid out of fourteen thousand pounds we
had but four hundred remaining My chief attention therefore was now to bring
down the pride of my family to their circumstances for I well knew that
aspiring beggary is wretchedness itself »You cant be ignorant my children«
cried I »that no prudence of ours could have prevented our late misfortune but
prudence may do much in disappointing its effects We are now poor my
fondlings and wisdom bids us conform to our humble situation Let us then
without repining give up those splendours with which numbers are wretched and
seek in humbler circumstances that peace with which all may be happy The poor
live pleasantly without our help why then should not we learn to live without
theirs No my children let us from this moment give up all pretensions to
gentility we have still enough left for happiness if we are wise and let us
draw upon content for the deficiencies of fortune«
As my eldest son was bred a scholar I determined to send him to town where
his abilities might contribute to our support and his own The separation of
friends and families is perhaps one of the most distressful circumstances
attendant on penury The day soon arrived on which we were to disperse for the
first time My son after taking leave of his mother and the rest who mingled
their tears with their kisses came to ask a blessing from me This I gave him
from my heart and which added to five guineas was all the patrimony I had now
to bestow »You are going my boy« cried I »to London on foot in the manner
Hooker your great ancestor travelled there before you Take from me the same
horse that was given him by the good bishop Jewel this staff and take this
book too it will be your comfort on the way these two lines in it are worth a
million I have been young and now am old yet never saw I the righteous man
forsaken or his seed begging their bread Let this be your consolation as you
travel on Go my boy whatever be thy fortune let me see thee once a year
still keep a good heart and farewell« As he was possest of integrity and
honour I was under no apprehensions from throwing him naked into the
amphitheatre of life for I knew he would act a good part whether vanquished or
victorious
His departure only prepared the way for our own which arrived a few days
afterwards The leaving a neighbourhood in which we had enjoyed so many hours of
tranquility was not without a tear which scarce fortitude itself could
suppress Besides a journey of seventy miles to a family that had hitherto
never been above ten from home filled us with apprehension and the cries of
the poor who followed us for some miles contributed to encrease it The first
days journey brought us in safety within thirty miles of our future retreat
and we put up for the night at an obscure inn in a village by the way When we
were shewn a room I desired the landlord in my usual way to let us have his
company with which he complied as what he drank would encrease the bill next
morning He knew however the whole neighbourhood to which I was removing
particularly Squire Thornhill who was to be my landlord and who lived within
a few miles of the place This gentleman he described as one who desired to know
little more of the world than its pleasures being particularly remarkable for
his attachment to the fair sex He observed that no virtue was able to resist
his arts and assiduity and that scarce a farmers daughter within ten miles
round but what had found him successful and faithless Though this account gave
me some pain it had a very different effect upon my daughters whose features
seemed to brighten with the expectation of an approaching triumph nor was my
wife less pleased and confident of their allurements and virtue While our
thoughts were thus employed the hostess entered the room to inform her husband
that the strange gentleman who had been two days in the house wanted money
and could not satisfy them for his reckoning »Want money« replied the host
»that must be impossible for it was no later than yesterday he paid three
guineas to our beadle to spare an old broken soldier that was to be whipped
through the town for dogstealing« The hostess however still persisting in
her first assertion he was preparing to leave the room swearing that he would
be satisfied one way or another when I begged the landlord would introduce me
to a stranger of so much charity as he described With this he complied shewing
in a gentleman who seemed to be about thirty drest in cloaths that once were
laced His person was well formed and his face marked with the lines of
thinking He had something short and dry in his address and seemed not to
understand ceremony or to despise it Upon the landlords leaving the room I
could not avoid expressing my concern to the stranger at seeing a gentleman in
such circumstances and offered him my purse to satisfy the present demand »I
take it with all my heart Sir« replied he »and am glad that a late oversight
in giving what money I had about me has shewn me that there are still some men
like you I must however previously entreat being informed of the name and
residence of my benefactor in order to repay him as soon as possible« In this
I satisfied him fully not only mentioning my name and late misfortunes but the
place to which I was going to remove »This« cried he »happens still more
luckily than I hoped for as I am going the same way myself having been
detained here two days by the floods which I hope by tomorrow will be found
passable« I testified the pleasure I should have in his company and my wife
and daughters joining in entreaty he was prevailed upon to stay supper The
strangers conversation which was at once pleasing and instructive induced me
to wish for a continuance of it but it was now high time to retire and take
refreshment against the fatigues of the following day
The next morning we all set forward together my family on horseback while
Mr Burchell our new companion walked along the footpath by the roadside
observing with a smile that as we were ill mounted he would be too generous
to attempt leaving us behind As the floods were not yet subsided we were
obliged to hire a guide who trotted on before Mr Burchell and I bringing up
the rear We lightened the fatigues of the road with philosophical disputes
which he seemed to understand perfectly But what surprised me most was that
though he was a moneyborrower he defended his opinions with as much obstinacy
as if he had been my patron He now and then also informed me to whom the
different seats belonged that lay in our view as we travelled the road »That«
cried he pointing to a very magnificent house which stood at some distance
»belongs to Mr Thornhill a young gentleman who enjoys a large fortune though
entirely dependant on the will of his uncle Sir William Thornhill a gentleman
who content with a little himself permits his nephew to enjoy the rest and
chiefly resides in town« »What« cried I »is my young landlord then the nephew
of a man whose virtues generosity and singularities are so universally known
I have heard Sir William Thornhill represented as one of the most generous yet
whimsical men in the kingdom a man of consumate benevolence« »Something
perhaps too much so« replied Mr Burchell »at least he carried benevolence to
an excess when young for his passions were then strong and as they all were
upon the side of virtue they led it up to a romantic extreme He early began to
aim at the qualifications of the soldier and scholar was soon distinguished in
the army and had some reputation among men of learning Adulation ever follows
the ambitious for such alone receive most pleasure from flattery He was
surrounded with crowds who shewed him only one side of their character so that
he began to lose a regard for private interest in universal sympathy He loved
all mankind for fortune prevented him from knowing that there were rascals
Physicians tell us of a disorder in which the whole body is so exquisitely
sensible that the slightest touch gives pain what some have thus suffered in
their persons this gentleman felt in his mind The slightest distress whether
real or fictitious touched him to the quick and his soul laboured under a
sickly sensibility of the miseries of others Thus disposed to relieve it will
be easily conjectured he found numbers disposed to solicit his profusions
began to impair his fortune but not his goodnature that indeed was seen to
encrease as the other seemed to decay he grew improvident as he grew poor and
though he talked like a man of sense his actions were those of a fool Still
however being surrounded with importunity and no longer able to satisfy every
request that was made him instead of money he gave promises They were all he
had to bestow and he had not resolution enough to give any man pain by a
denial By this he drew round him crowds of dependants whom he was sure to
disappoint yet wished to relieve These hung upon him for a time and left him
with merited reproaches and contempt But in proportion as he became
contemptible to others he became despicable to himself His mind had leaned
upon their adulation and that support taken away he could find no pleasure in
the applause of his heart which he had never learnt to reverence The world now
began to wear a different aspect the flattery of his friends began to dwindle
into simple approbation Approbation soon took the more friendly form of advice
and advice when rejected produced their reproaches He now therefore found that
such friends as benefits had gathered round him were little estimable he now
found that a mans own heart must be ever given to gain that of another I now
found that that I forget what I was going to observe in short sir he
resolved to respect himself and laid down a plan of restoring his falling
fortune For this purpose in his own whimsical manner he travelled through
Europe on foot and now though he has scarce attained the age of thirty his
circumstances are more affluent than ever At present his bounties are more
rational and moderate than before but still he preserves the character of an
humourist and finds most pleasure in eccentric virtues«
My attention was so much taken up by Mr Burchells account that I scarce
looked forward as we went along till we were alarmed by the cries of my family
when turning I perceived my youngest daughter in the midst of a rapid stream
thrown from her horse and struggling with the torrent She had sunk twice nor
was it in my power to disengage myself in time to bring her relief My
sensations were even too violent to permit my attempting her rescue she must
have certainly perished had not my companion percieving her danger instantly
plunged in to her relief and with some difficulty brought her in safety to
the opposite shore By taking the current a little farther up the rest of the
family got safely over where we had an opportunity of joining our
acknowledgments to hers Her gratitude may be more readily imagined than
described she thanked her deliverer more with looks than words and continued
to lean upon his arm as if still willing to receive assistance My wife also
hoped one day to have the pleasure of returning his kindness at her own house
Thus after we were refreshed at the next inn and had to dined together as Mr
Burchell was going to a different part of the country he took leave and we
pursued our jouney My wife observing as we went that she liked him extremely
and protesting that if he had birth and fortune to entitle him to match into
such a family as ours she knew no man she would sooner fix upon I could not
but smile to hear her talk in this lofty strain but I was never much displeased
with those harmless delusions that tend to make us more happy
Chap IV
A proof that even the humblest fortune may grant happiness which depends not on
circumstance but constitution
The place of our retreat was in a little neighbourhood consisting of farmers
who tilled their own grounds and were equal strangers to opulence and poverty
As they had almost all the conveniencies of life within themselves they seldom
visited towns or cities in search of superfluity Remote from the polite they
still retained the primæval simplicity of manners and frugal by habit they
scarce knew that temperance was a virtue They wrought with chearfulness on days
of labour but observed festivals as intervals of idleness and pleasure They
kept up the Christmas carol sent true loveknots on Valentine morning eat
pancakes on Shrovetide shewed their wit on the first of April and religiously
cracked nuts on Michaelmas eve Being apprized of our approach the whole
neighbourhood came out to meet their minister drest in their finest cloaths
and preceded by a pipe and tabor A feast also was provided for our reception
at which we sat chearfully down and what the conversation wanted in wit was
made up in laughter
Our little habitation was situated at the foot of a sloping hill sheltered
with a beautiful underwood behind and a pratling river before on one side a
meadow on the other a green My farm consisted of about twenty acres of
excellent land having given an hundred pound for my predecessors goodwill
Nothing could exceed the neatness of my little enclosures the elms and hedge
rows appearing with inexpressible beauty My house consisted of but one story
and was covered with thatch which gave it an air of great snugness the walls
on the inside were nicely whitewashed and my daughters undertook to adorn them
with pictures of their own designing Though the same room served us for parlour
and kitchen that only made it the warmer Besides as it was kept with the
utmost neatness the dishes plates and coppers being well scoured and all
disposed in bright rows on the shelves the eye was agreeably relieved and did
not want richer furniture There were three other apartments one for my wife
and me another for our two daughters within our own and the third with two
beds for the rest of the children
The little republic to which I gave laws was regulated in the following
manner by sunrise we all assembled in our common appartment the fire being
previously kindled by the servant After we had saluted each other with proper
ceremony for I always thought fit to keep up some mechanical forms of good
breeding without which freedom ever destroys friendship we all bent in
gratitude to that Being who gave us another day This duty being performed my
son and I went to pursue our usual industry abroad while my wife and daughters
employed themselves in providing breakfast which was always ready at a certain
time I allowed half an hour for this meal and an hour for dinner which time
was taken up in innocent mirth between my wife and daughters and in
philosophical arguments between my son and me
As we rose with the sun so we never pursued our labours after it was gone
down but returned home to the expecting family where smiling looks a neat
hearth and pleasant fire were prepared for our reception Nor were we without
guests sometimes farmer Flamborough our talkative neighbour and often the
blind piper would pay us a visit and taste our gooseberry wine for the making
of which we had lost neither the receipt nor the reputation These harmless
people had several ways of being good company while one played the other would
sing some soothing ballad Johnny Armstrongs last good night or the cruelty of
Barbara Allen The night was concluded in the manner we began the morning my
youngest boys being appointed to read the lessons of the day and he that read
loudest distinctest and best was to have an halfpenny on Sunday to put in the
poors box
When Sunday came it was indeed a day of finery which all my sumptuary
edicts could not restrain How well so ever I fancied my lectures against pride
had conquered the vanity of my daughters yet I still found them secretly
attached to all their former finery they still loved laces ribbands bugles
and catgut my wife herself retained a passion for her crimson paduasoy because
I formerly happened to say it became her
The first Sunday in particular their behaviour served to mortify me I had
desired my girls the preceding night to be drest early the next day for I
always loved to be at church a good while before the rest of the congregation
They punctually obeyed my directions but when we were to assemble in the
morning at breakfast down came my wife and daughters drest out in all their
former splendour their hair plaistered up with pomatum their faces patched to
taste their trains bundled up into an heap behind and rustling at every
motion I could not help smiling at their vanity particularly that of my wife
from whom I expected more discretion In this exigence therefore my only
resource was to order my son with an important air to call our coach The
girls were amazed at the command but I repeated it with more solemnity than
before »Surely my dear you jest« cried my wife »we can walk it perfectly
well we want no coach to carry us now« »You mistake child« returned I »we
do want a coach for if we walk to church in this trim the very children in the
parish will hoot after us« »Indeed« replied my wife »I always imagined that
my Charles was fond of seeing his children neat and handsome about him« »You
may be as neat as you please« interrupted I »and I shall love you the better
for it but all this is not neatness but frippery These rufflings and
pinkings and patchings will only make us hated by all the wives of all our
neighbours No my children« continued I more gravely »those gowns may be
altered into something of a plainer cut for finery is very unbecoming in us
who want the means of decency I dont know whether such flouncing and shredding
is becoming even in the rich if we consider upon a moderate calculation that
the nakedness of the indigent world may be cloathed from the trimmings of the
vain«
This remonstrance had the proper effect they went with great composure
that very instant to change their dress and the next day I had the
satisfaction of finding my daughters at their own request employed in cutting
up their trains into Sunday waistcoats for Dick and Bill the two little ones
and what was still more satisfactory the gowns seemed improved by this
curtailing
Chap V
A new and great acquaintance introduced What we place most hopes upon
generally proves most fatal
At a small distance from the house my predecessor had made a seat overshaded by
an hedge of hawthorn and honeysuckle Here when the weather was fine and our
labour soon finished we usually sate together to enjoy an extensive
landschape in the calm of the evening Here too we drank tea which now was
become an occasional banquet and as we had it but seldom it diffused a new
joy the preparations for it being made with no small share of bustle and
ceremony On these occasions our two little ones always read for us and they
were regularly served after we had done Sometimes to give a variety to our
amusements the girls sung to the guitar and while they thus formed a little
concert my wife and I would stroll down the sloping field that was embellished
with blue bells and centaury talk of our children with rapture and enjoy the
breeze that wafted both health and harmony
In this manner we began to find that every situation in life might bring its
own peculiar pleasures every morning waked us to a repetition of toil but the
evening repaid it with vacant hilarity
It was about the beginning of autumn on a holiday for I kept such as
intervals of relaxation from labour that I had drawn out my family to our usual
place of amusement and our young musicians began their usual concert As we
were thus engaged we saw a stag bound nimbly by within about twenty paces of
where we were sitting and by its panting it seemed prest by the hunters We
had not much time to reflect upon the poor animals distress when we perceived
the dogs and horsemen come sweeping along at some distance behind and making
the very path it had taken I was instantly for returning in with my family but
either curiosity or surprize or some more hidden motive held my wife and
daughters to their seats The huntsman who rode foremost past us with great
swiftness followed by four or five persons more who seemed in equal haste At
last a young gentleman of a more genteel appearance than the rest came
forward and for a while regarding us instead of pursuing the chace stopt
short and giving his horse to a servant who attended approached us with a
careless superior air He seemed to want no introduction but was going to
salute my daughters as one certain of a kind reception but they had early
learnt the lesson of looking presumption out of countenance Upon which he let
us know that his name was Thornhill and that he was owner of the estate that
lay for some extent round us He again therefore offered to salute the female
part of the family and such was the power of fortune and fine cloaths that he
found no second repulse As his address though confident was easy we soon
became more familiar and perceiving musical instruments lying near he begged
to be favoured with a song As I did not approve of such disproportioned
acquaintances I winked upon my daughters in order to prevent their compliance
but my hint was counteracted by one from their mother so that with a chearful
air they gave us a favourite song of Drydens Mr Thornhill seemed highly
delighted with their performance and choice and then took up the guitar
himself He played but very indifferently however my eldest daughter repaid
his former applause with interest and assured him that his tones were louder
than even those of her master At this compliment he bowed which she returned
with a curtesy He praised her taste and she commended his understanding an
age could not have made them better acquainted While the fond mother too
equally happy insisted upon her landlords stepping in and tasting a glass of
her gooseberry The whole family seemed earnest to please him my girls
attempted to entertain him with topics they thought most modern while Moses on
the contrary gave him a question or two from the ancients for which he had the
satisfaction of being laughed at my little ones were no less busy and fondly
stuck close to the stranger All my endeavours could scarce keep their dirty
fingers from handling and tarnishing the lace on his cloaths and lifting up the
flaps of his pocket holes to see what was there At the approach of evening he
took leave but not till he had requested permission to renew his visit which
as he was our landlord we most readily agreed to
As soon as he was gone my wife called a council on the conduct of the day
She was of opinion that it was a most fortunate hit for that she had known
even stranger things at last brought to bear She hoped again to see the day in
which we might hold up our heads with the best of them and concluded she
protested she could see no reason why the two Miss Wrinklers should marry great
fortunes and her children get none As this last argument was directed to me I
protested I could see no reason for it neither nor why Mr Simpkins got the ten
thousand pound prize in the lottery and we sate down with a blank »I protest
Charles« cried my wife »this is the way you always damp my girls and me when
we are in Spirits Tell me Sophy my dear what do you think of our new
visitor Dont you think he seemed to be goodnatured« »Immensely so indeed
Mamma« replied she »I think he has a great deal to say upon every thing and
is never at a loss and the more trifling the subject the more he has to say«
»Yes« cried Olivia »he is well enough for a man but for my part I dont
much like him he is so extremely impudent and familiar but on the guitar he is
shocking« These two last speeches I interpreted by contraries I found by this
that Sophia internally despised as much as Olivia secretly admired him
»Whatever may be your opinions of him my children« cried I »to confess a
truth he has not prepossest me in his favour Disproportioned friendships ever
terminate in disgust and I thought notwithstanding all his ease that he
seemed perfectly sensible of the distance between us Let us keep to companions
of our own rank There is no character more contemptible than a man that is a
fortunehunter and I can see no reason why fortunehunting women should not be
contemptible too Thus at best we shall be contemptible if his views be
honourable but if they be otherwise I should shudder but to think of that It
is true I have no apprehensions from the conduct of my children but I think
there are some from his character« I would have proceeded but for the
interruption of a servant from the Squire who with his compliments sent us a
side of venison and a promise to dine with us some days after This welltimed
present pleaded more powerfully in his favour than any thing I had to say could
obviate I therefore continued silent satisfied with just having pointed out
danger and leaving it to their own discretion to avoid it That virtue which
requires to be ever guarded is scarce worth the centinel
Chap VI
The happiness of a country fireside
As we carried on the former dispute with some degree of warmth in order to
accommodate matters it was universally agreed that we should have a part of
the venison for supper and the girls undertook the task with alacrity »I am
sorry« cried I »that we have no neighbour or stranger to take a part in this
good cheer feasts of this kind acquire a double relish from hospitality«
»Bless me« cried my wife »here comes our good friend Mr Burchell that saved
our Sophia and that run you down fairly in the argument« »Confute me in
argument child« cried I »You mistake there my dear I believe there are but
few that can do that I never dispute your abilities at making a goosepye and
I beg youll leave argument to me« As I spoke poor Mr Burchell entered the
house and was welcomed by the family who shook him heartily by the hand while
little Dick officiously reached him a chair
I was pleased with the poor mans friendship for two reasons because I knew
that he wanted mine and I knew him to be friendly as far as he was able He was
known in our neighbourhood by the character of the poor Gentleman that would do
no good when he was young though he was not yet thirty He would at intervals
talk with great good sense but in general he was fondest of the company of
children whom he used to call harmless little men He was famous I found for
singing them ballads and telling them stories and seldom went out without
something in his pockets for them a piece of gingerbread or an halfpenny
whistle He generally came for a few days into our neighbourhood once a year
and lived upon the neighbours hospitality He sate down to supper among us and
my wife was not sparing of her gooseberry wine The tale went round he sung us
old songs and gave the children the story of the Buck of Beverland with the
history of Patient Grissel the adventures of Catskin and then Fair Rosamonds
bower Our cock which always crew at eleven now told us it was time for
repose but an unforeseen difficulty started about lodging the stranger all our
beds were already taken up and it was too late to send him to the next
alehouse In this dilemma little Dick offered him his part of the bed if his
brother Moses would let him lie with him »And I« cried Bill »will give Mr
Burchell my part if my sisters will take me to theirs« »Well done my good
children« cried I »hospitality is one of the first christian duties The beast
retires to its shelter and the bird flies to its nest but helpless man can
only find refuge from his fellow creature The greatest stranger in this world
was he that came to save it He never had an house as if willing to see what
hospitality was left remaining amongst us Deborah my dear« cried I to my
wife »give those boys a lump of sugar each and let Dicks be the largest
because he spoke first«
In the morning early I called out my whole family to help at saving an
aftergrowth of hay and our guest offering his assistance he was accepted
among the number Our labours went on lightly we turned the swath to the wind
I went foremost and the rest followed in due succession I could not avoid
however observing the assiduity of Mr Burchell in assisting my daughter Sophia
in her part of the task When he had finished his own he would join in hers
and enter into a close conversation but I had too good an opinion of Sophias
understanding and was too well convinced of her ambition to be under any
uneasiness from a man of broken fortune When we were finished for the day Mr
Burchell was invited as on the night before but he refused as he was to lie
that night at a neighbours to whose child he was carrying a whistle When
gone our conversation at supper turned upon our late unfortunate guest »What a
strong instance« said I »is that poor man of the miseries attending a youth of
levity and extravagance He by no means wants sense which only serves to
aggravate his former folly Poor forlorn creature where are now the revellers
the flatterers that he could once inspire and command Gone perhaps to attend
the bagnio pander grown rich by his extravagance They once praised him and
now they applaud the pander their former raptures at his wit are now converted
into sarcasms at his folly he is poor and perhaps deserves poverty for he has
neither the ambition to be independent nor the skill to be useful« Prompted
perhaps by some secret reasons I delivered this observation with too much
acrimony which my Sophia gently reproved »Whatsoever his former conduct may
be pappa his circumstances should exempt him from censure now His present
indigence is a sufficient punishment for former folly and I have heard my pappa
himself say that we should never strike our unnecessary blow at a victim over
whom providence holds the scourge of its resentment« »You are right Sophy«
cried my son Moses »and one of the ancients finely represents so malicious a
conduct by the attempts of a rustic to flay Marsyas whose skin the fable
tells us had been wholly stript off by another Besides I dont know if this
poor mans situation be so bad as my father would represent it We are not to
judge of the feelings of others by what we might feel if in their place However
dark the habitation of the mole to our eyes yet the animal itself finds the
apartment sufficiently lightsome And to confess a truth this mans mind seems
fitted to his station for I never heard any one more sprightly than he was
today when he conversed with you« This was said without the least design
however it excited a blush which she strove to cover by an affected laugh
assuring him that she scarce took any notice of what he said to her but that
she believed he might once have been a very fine gentleman The readiness with
which she undertook to vindicate herself and her blushing were symptoms I did
not internally approve but I represt my suspicions
As we expected our landlord the next day my wife went to make the venison
pasty Moses sate reading while I taught the little ones my daughters seemed
equally busy with the rest and I observed them for a good while cooking
something over the fire I at first supposed they were assisting their mother
but little Dick informed me in a whisper that they were making a wash for the
face Washes of all kinds I had a natural antipathy to for I knew that instead
of mending the complexion they spoiled it I therefore approached my chair by
sly degrees to the fire and grasping the poker as if it wanted mending
seemingly by accident overturned the whole composition and it was too late to
begin another
Chap VII
A town wit described The dullest fellows may learn to be comical for a night or
two
When the morning arrived on which we were to entertain our young landlord it
may be easily supposed what provisions were exhausted to make an appearance It
may also be conjectured that my wife and daughters expanded their gayest plumage
upon this occasion Mr Thornhill came with a couple of friends his chaplain
and feeder The servants who were numerous he politely ordered to the next
alehouse but my wife in the triumph of her heart insisted on entertaining
them all for which by the bye our family was pinched for three weeks after
As Mr Burchell had hinted to us the day before that he was making some
proposals of marriage to Miss Wilmot my son Georges former mistress this a
good deal damped the heartiness of his reception but accident in some measure
relieved our embarrasment for one of the company happening to mention her name
Mr Thornhill observed with an oath that he never knew any thing more absurd
than calling such a fright a beauty »For strike me ugly« continued he »if I
should not find as much pleasure in choosing my mistress by the information of a
lamp under the clock at St Dunstans« At this he laughed and so did we the
jests of the rich are ever successful Olivia too could not avoid whispering
loud enough to be heard that he had an infinite fund of humour
After dinner I began with my usual toast the Church for this I was
thanked by the chaplain as he said the church was the only mistress of his
affections »Come tell us honestly Frank« said the Squire with his usual
archness »suppose the church your present mistress drest in lawn sleeves on
one hand and Miss Sophia with no lawn about her on the other which would you
be for « »For both to be sure« cried the chaplain »Right Frank« cried the
Squire »for may this glass suffocate me but a fine girl is worth all the
priestcraft in the creation For what are tythes and tricks but an imposition
all a confounded imposture and I can prove it« »I wish you would« cried my
son Moses »and I think« continued he »that I should be able to answer you«
»Very well Sir« cried the Squire who immediately smoaked him and winking on
the rest of the company to prepare us for the sport »if you are for a cool
argument upon that subject I am ready to accept the challenge And first
whether are you for managing it analogically or dialogically« »I am for
managing it rationally« cried Moses quite happy at being permitted to dispute
»Good again« cried the Squire »and firstly of the first I hope youll not
deny that whatever is is If you dont grant me that I can go no further«
»Why« returned Moses »I think I may grant that and make the best of it« »I
hope too« returned the other »youll grant that a part is less than the
whole« »I grant that too« cried Moses »it is but just and reasonable« »I
hope« cried the Squire »you will not deny that the two angles of a triangle
are equal to two right ones« »Nothing can be plainer« returned tother and
looked round with his usual importance »Very well« cried the Squire
speaking very quick »the premises being thus settled I proceed to observe
that the concatanation of self existences proceeding in a reciprocal duplicate
ratio naturally produce a problematical dialogism which in some measure proves
that the essence of spirituality may be referred to the second predicable«
»Hold hold« cried the other »I deny that Do you think I can thus tamely
submit to such heterodox doctrines« »What« replied the Squire as if in a
passion »not submit Answer me one plain question Do you think Aristotle right
when he says that relatives are related« »Undoubtedly« replied the other
»If so then« cried the Squire »answer me directly to what I propose Whether
do you judge the analytical investigation of the first part of my enthymem
deficient secundum quoad or quoad minus and give me your reasons give me your
reasons I say directly« »I protest« cried Moses »I dont rightly
comprehend the force of your reasoning but if it be reduced to one simple
proposition I fancy it may then have an answer« »O sir« cried the Squire
»I am your most humble servant I find you want me to furnish you with argument
and intellects too No sir there I protest you are too hard for me« This
effectually raised the laugh against poor Moses who sate the only dismal figure
in a groupe of merry faces nor did he offer a single syllable more during the
whole entertainment
But though all this gave me no pleasure it had a very different effect upon
Olivia who mistook it for humour though but a mere act of the memory She
thought him therefore a very fine gentleman and such as consider what powerful
ingredients a good figure fine cloaths and fortune are in that character
will easily forgive her Mr Thornhill notwithstanding his real ignorance
talked with ease and could expatiate upon the common topics of conversation
with fluency It is not surprising then that such talents should win the
affections of a girl who by education was taught to value an appearance in
herself and consequently to set a value upon it in another
Upon his departure we again entered into a debate upon the merits of our
young landlord As he directed his looks and conversation to Olivia it was no
longer doubted but that she was the object that induced him to be our visitor
Nor did she seem to be much displeased at the innocent raillery of her brother
and sister upon this occasion Even Deborah herself seemed to share the glory of
the day and exulted in her daughters victory as if it were her own »And now
my dear« cried she to me »Ill fairly own that it was I that instructed my
girls to encourage our landlords addresses I had always some ambition and you
now see that I was right for who knows how this may end« »Ay who knows that
indeed« answered I with a groan »for my part I dont much like it and I
could have been better pleased with one that was poor and honest than this fine
gentleman with his fortune and infidelity for depend ont if he be what I
suspect him no freethinker shall ever have a child of mine«
»Sure father« cried Moses »you are too severe in this for heaven will
never arraign him for what he thinks but for what he does Every man has a
thousand vicious thoughts which arise without his power to suppress Thinking
freely of religion may be involuntary with this gentleman so that allowing his
sentiments to be wrong yet as he is purely passive in his assent he is no more
to be blamed for his errors than the governor of a city without walls for the
shelter he is obliged to afford an invading enemy«
»True my son« cried I »but if the governor invites the enemy there he is
justly culpable And such is always the case with those who embrace error The
vice does not lie in assenting to the proofs they see but in being blind to
many of the proofs that offer So that though our erroneous opinions be
involuntary when formed yet as we have been wilfully corrupt or very negligent
in forming them we deserve punishment for our vice or contempt for our folly«
My wife now kept up the conversation though not the argument she observed
that several very prudent men of our acquaintance were freethinkers and made
very good husbands and she knew some sensible girls that had skill enough to
make converts of their spouses »And who knows my dear« continued she »what
Olivia may be able to do The girl has a great deal to say upon every subject
and to my knowledge is very well skilled in controversy«
»Why my dear what controversy can she have read« cried I »It does not
occur to me that I ever put such books into her hands you certainly overrate
her merit« »Indeed pappa« replied Olivia »she does not I have read a great
deal of controversy I have read the disputes between Thwackum and Square the
controversy between Robinson Crusoe and Friday the savage and I am now employed
in reading the controversy in Religious courtship« »Very well« cried I
»thats a good girl I find you are perfectly qualified for making converts and
so go help your mother to make the gooseberrypye«
Chap VIII
An amour which promises little good fortune yet may be productive of much
The next morning we were again visited by Mr Burchell though I began for
certain reasons to be displeased with the frequency of his return but I could
not refuse him my company and fireside It is true his labour more than
requited his entertainment for he wrought among us with vigour and either in
the meadow or at the hayrick put himself foremost Besides he had always
something amusing to say that lessened our toil and was at once so out of the
way and yet so sensible that I loved laughed at and pitied him My only
dislike arose from an attachment he discovered to my daughter he would in a
jesting manner call her his little mistress and when he bought each of the
girls a set of ribbands hers was the finest I knew not how but he every day
seemed to become more amiable his wit to improve and his simplicity to assume
the superior airs of wisdom
Our family dined in the field and we sate or rather reclined round a
temperate repast our cloth spread upon the hay while Mr Burchell gave
chearfulness to the feast To heighten our satisfaction two blackbirds answered
each other from opposite hedges the familiar redbreast came and pecked the
crumbs from our hands and every sound seemed but the echo of tranquillity »I
never sit thus« says Sophia »but I think of the two lovers so sweetly
described by Mr Gay who were struck dead in each others arms There is
something so pathetic in the description that I have read it an hundred times
with new rapture« »In my opinion« cried my son »the finest strokes in that
description are much below those in the Acis and Galatea of Ovid The Roman poet
understands the use of contrast better and upon that figure artfully managed
all strength in the pathetic depends« »It is remarkable« cried Mr Burchell
»that both the poets you mention have equally contributed to introduce a false
taste into their respective countries by loading all their lines with epithet
Men of little genius found them most easily imitated in their defects and
English poetry like that in the latter empire of Rome is nothing at present
but a combination of luxuriant images without plot or connexion a string of
epithets that improve the sound without carrying on the sense But perhaps
madam while I thus reprehend others youll think it just that I should give
them an opportunity to retaliate and indeed I have made this remark only to
have an opportunity of introducing to the company a ballad which whatever be
its other defects is I think at least free from those I have mentioned«
A Ballad
»Turn gentle hermit of the dale
And guide my lonely way
To where yon taper cheers the vale
With hospitable ray
For here forlorn and lost I tread
With fainting steps and slow
Where wilds immeasurably spread
Seem lengthening as I go«
»Forbear my son« the hermit cries
»To tempt the dangerous gloom
For yonder faithless phantom flies
To lure thee to thy doom
Here to the houseless child of want
My door is open still
And tho my portion is but scant
I give it with good will
Then turn tonight and freely share
Whateer my cell bestows
My rushy couch and frugal fare
My blessing and repose
No flocks that range the valley free
To slaughter I condemn
Taught by that power that pities me
I learn to pity them
But from the mountains grassy side
A guiltless feast I bring
A scrip with herbs and fruits supplyd
And water from the spring
Then pilgrim turn thy cares forego
All earthborn cares are wrong
Man wants but little here below
Nor wants that little long«
Soft as the dew from heavn descends
His gentle accents fell
The modest stranger lowly bends
And follows to the cell
Far in a wilderness obscure
The lonely mansion lay
A refuge to the neighbouring poor
And strangers led astray
No stores beneath its humble thatch
Requird a masters care
The wicket opening with a latch
Receivd the harmless pair
And now when busy crowds retire
To take their evening rest
The hermit trimmd his little fire
And cheerd his pensive guest
And spread his vegetable store
And gayly prest and smild
And skilld in legendary lore
The lingering hours beguild
Around in sympathetic mirth
Its tricks the kitten tries
The cricket chirrups in the hearth
The crackling faggot flies
But nothing could a charm impart
To sooth the strangers woe
For grief was heavy at his heart
And tears began to flow
His rising cares the hermit spyd
With answering care opprest
»And whence unhappy youth« he cryd
»The sorrows of thy breast
From better habitations spurnd
Reluctant dost thou rove
Or grieve for friendship unreturnd
Or unregarded love
Alas the joys that fortune brings
Are trifling and decay
And those who prize the paltry things
More trifling still than they
And what is friendship but a name
A charm that lulls to sleep
A shade that follows wealth or fame
But leaves the wretch to weep
And love is still an emptier sound
The modern fair ones jest
On earth unseen or only found
To warm the turtles nest
For shame fond youth thy sorrows hush
And spurn the sex« he said
But while he spoke a rising blush
His lovelorn guest betrayd
Surprizd he sees new beauties rise
Swift mantling to the view
Like colours oer the morning skies
As bright as transient too
The bashful look the rising breast
Alternate spread alarms
The lovely stranger stands confest
A maid in all her charms
»And ah forgive a stranger rude
A wretch forlorn« she cryd
»Whose feet unhallowed thus intrude
Where heaven and you reside
But let a maid thy pity share
Whom love has taught to stray
Who seeks for rest but finds despair
Companion of her way
My father livd beside the Tyne
A wealthy Lord was he
And all his wealth was markd as mine
He had but only me
To win me from his tender arms
Unnumberd suitors came
Who praisd me for imputed charms
And felt or feignd a flame
Each hour a mercenary crowd
With richest proffers strove
Among the rest young Edwin bowd
But never talkd of love
In humble simplest habit clad
No wealth nor power had he
Wisdom and worth were all he had
But these were all to me
The blossom opening to the day
The dews of heaven refind
Could nought of purity display
To emulate his mind
The dew the blossom on the tree
With charms inconstant shine
Their charms were his but woe to me
Their constancy was mine
For still I tryd each fickle art
Importunate and vain
And while his passion touchd my heart
I triumphd in his pain
Till quite dejected with my scorn
He left me to my pride
And sought a solitude forlorn
In secret where he died
But mine the sorrow mine the fault
And well my life shall pay
Ill seek the solitude he sought
And stretch me where he lay
And there forlorn despairing hid
Ill lay me down and die
Twas so for me that Edwin did
And so for him will I«
»Forbid it heaven« the hermit cryd
And claspd her to his breast
The wondering fair one turnd to chide
Twas Edwins self that prest
»Turn Angelina ever dear
My charmer turn to see
Thy own thy longlost Edwin here
Restord to love and thee
Thus let me hold thee to my heart
And evry care resign
And shall we never never part
My life my all thats mine
No never from this hour to part
Well live and love so true
The sigh that rends thy constant heart
Shall break thy Edwins too«
While this ballad was reading Sophia seemed to mix an air of tenderness with
her approbation But our tranquillity was soon disturbed by the report of a gun
just by us and immediately after a man was seen bursting through the hedge to
take up the game he had killed This sportsman was the Squires chaplain who
had shot one of the blackbirds that so agreeably entertained us So loud a
report and so near startled my daughters and I could perceive that Sophia in
the fright had thrown herself into Mr Burchells arms for protection The
gentleman came up and asked pardon for having disturbed us affirming that he
was ignorant of our being so near He therefore sate down by my youngest
daughter and sportsman like offered her what he had killed that morning She
was going to refuse but a private look from her mother soon induced her to
correct the mistake and accept his present though with some reluctance My
wife as usual discovered her pride in a whisper observing that Sophy had
made a conquest of the chaplain as well as her sister had of the Squire I
suspected however with more probability that her affections were placed upon
a different object The chaplains errand was to inform us that Mr Thornhill
had provided music and refreshments and intended that night giving the young
ladies a ball by moonlight on the grassplot before our door »Nor can I
deny« continued he »but I have an interest in being first to deliver this
message as I expect for my reward to be honoured with miss Sophys hand as a
partner« To this my girl replied that she should have no objection if she
could do it with honour »But here« continued she »is a gentleman« looking at
Mr Burchell »who has been my companion in the task for the day and it is fit
he should share in its amusements« Mr Burchell returned her a compliment for
her intentions but resigned her up to the chaplain adding that he was to go
that night five miles being invited to an harvest supper His refusal appeared
to me a little extraordinary nor could I conceive how so sensible a girl as my
youngest could thus prefer a man of broken fortune to one whose expectations
were much greater But as men are most capable of distinguishing merit in women
so the ladies often form the truest judgments of us The two sexes seem placed
as spies upon each other and are furnished with different abilities adapted
for mutual inspection
Chap IX
Two ladies of great distinction introduced Superior finery ever seems to confer
superior breeding
Mr Burchell had scarce taken leave and Sophia consented to dance with the
chaplain when my little ones came running out to tell us that the Squire was
come with a crowd of company Upon our return we found our landlord with a
couple of under gentlemen and two young ladies richly drest whom he introduced
as women of very great distinction and fashion from town We happened not to
have chairs enough for the whole company but Mr Thornhill immediately proposed
that every gentleman should sit in a ladys lap This I positively objected to
notwithstanding a look of disapprobation from my wife Moses was therefore
dispatched to borrow a couple of chairs and as we were in want of ladies to
make up a set at country dances the two gentlemen went with him in quest of a
couple of partners Chairs and partners were soon provided The gentlemen
returned with my neighbour Flamboroughs rosy daughters flaunting with red
topknots but an unlucky circumstance was not adverted to though the Miss
Flamboroughs were reckoned the very best dancers in the parish and understood
the jig and the roundabout to perfection yet they were totally unacquainted
with country dances This at first discomposed us however after a little
shoving and dragging they at last went merrily on Our music consisted of two
fiddles with a pipe and tabor The moon shone bright Mr Thornhill and my
eldest daughter led up the ball to the great delight of the spectators for the
neighbours hearing what was going forward came flocking about us My girl moved
with so much grace and vivacity that my wife could not avoid discovering the
pride of her heart by assuring me that though the little chit did it so
cleverly all the steps were stolen from herself The ladies of the town strove
hard to be equally easy but without success They swam sprawled languished
and frisked but all would not do the gazers indeed owned that it was fine but
neighbour Flamborough observed that Miss Livys feet seemed as pat to the music
as its echo After the dance had continued about an hour the two ladies who
were apprehensive of catching cold moved to break up the ball One of them I
thought expressed her sentiments upon this occasion in a very coarse manner
when she observed that by the living jingo she was all of a muck of sweat
Upon our return to the house we found a very elegant cold supper which Mr
Thornhill had ordered to be brought with him The conversation at this time was
more reserved than before The two ladies threw my girls quite into the shade
for they would talk of nothing but high life and high lived company with other
fashionable topics such as pictures taste Shakespear and the musical
glasses Tis true they once or twice mortified us sensibly by slipping out an
oath but that appeared to me as the surest symptom of their distinction tho
I am since informed that swearing is perfectly unfashionable Their finery
however threw a veil over any grossness in their conversation My daughters
seemed to regard their superior accomplishments with envy and what appeared
amiss was ascribed to tiptop quality breeding But the condescension of the
ladies was still superior to their other accomplishments One of them observed
that had miss Olivia seen a little more of the world it would greatly improve
her To which the other added that a single winter in town would make her
little Sophia quite another thing My wife warmly assented to both adding that
there was nothing she more ardently wished than to give her girls a single
winters polishing To this I could not help replying that their breeding was
already superior to their fortune and that greater refinement would only serve
to make their poverty ridiculous and give them a taste for pleasures they had
no right to possess »And what pleasures« cried Mr Thornhill »do they not
deserve to possess who have so much in their power to bestow As for my part«
continued he »my fortune is pretty large love liberty and pleasure are my
maxims but curse me if a settlement of half my estate could give my charming
Olivia pleasure it should be hers and the only favour I would ask in return
would be to add myself to the benefit« I was not such a stranger to the world
as to be ignorant that this was the fashionable cant to disguise the insolence
of the basest proposal but I made an effort to suppress my resentment »Sir«
cried I »the family which you now condescend to favour with your company has
been bred with as nice a sense of honour as you Any attempts to injure that
may be attended with very dangerous consequences Honour Sir is our only
possession at present and of that last treasure we must be particularly
careful« I was soon sorry for the warmth with which I had spoken this when
the young gentleman grasping my hand swore he commended my spirit though he
disapproved my suspicions »As to your present hint« continued he »I protest
nothing was farther from my heart than such a thought No by all thats
tempting the virtue that will stand a regular siege was never to my taste for
all my amours are carried by a coup de main«
The two ladies who affected to be ignorant of the rest seemed highly
displeased with this last stroke of freedom and began a very discreet and
serious dialogue upon virtue in this my wife the chaplain and I soon joined
and the Squire himself was at last brought to confess a sense of sorrow for his
former excesses We talked of the pleasures of temperance and of the sunshine
in the mind unpolluted with guilt I was so well pleased that my little ones
were kept up beyond the usual time to be edified by so much good conversation
Mr Thornhill even went beyond me and demanded if I had any objection to giving
prayers I joyfully embraced the proposal and in this manner the night was
passed in a most comfortable way till at last the company began to think of
returning The ladies seemed very unwilling to part with my daughters for whom
they had conceived a particular affection and joined in a request to have the
pleasure of their company home The Squire seconded the proposal and my wife
added her entreaties the girls too looked upon me as if they wished to go In
this perplexity I made two or three excuses which my daughters as readily
removed so that at last I was obliged to give a peremptory refusal for which
we had nothing but sullen looks and short answers the whole day ensuing
Chap X
The family endeavours to cope with their betters The miseries of the poor when
they attempt to appear above their circumstances
I now began to find that all my long and painful lectures upon temperance
simplicity and contentment were entirely disregarded The distinctions lately
paid us by our betters awaked that pride which I had laid asleep but not
removed Our windows again as formerly were filled with washes for the neck
and face The sun was dreaded as an enemy to the skin without doors and the
fire as a spoiler of the complexion within My wife observed that rising too
early would hurt her daughters eyes that working after dinner would redden
their noses and she convinced me that the hands never looked so white as when
they did nothing Instead therefore of finishing Georges shirts we now had
them new modelling their old gauzes or flourishing upon catgut The poor Miss
Flamboroughs their former gay companions were cast off as mean acquaintance
and the whole conversation ran upon high life and high lived company with
pictures taste Shakespear and the musical glasses
But we could have borne all this had not a fortunetelling gypsey come to
raise us into perfect sublimity The tawny sybil no sooner appeared than my
girls came running to me for a shilling a piece to cross her hand with silver
To say the truth I was tired of being always wise and could not help
gratifying their request because I loved to see them happy I gave each of them
a shilling though for the honour of the family it must be observed that they
never went without money themselves as my wife always generously let them have
a guinea each to keep in their pockets but with strict injunctions never to
change it After they had been closetted up with the fortuneteller for some
time I knew by their looks upon their returning that they had been promised
something great »Well my girls how have you sped Tell me Livy has the
fortuneteller given thee a pennyworth« »I protest pappa« says the girl »I
believe she deals with some body thats not right for she positively declared
that I am to be married to a Squire in less than a twelvemonth« »Well now
Sophy my child« said I »and what sort of a husband are you to have« »Sir«
replied she »I am to have a Lord soon after my sister has married the Squire«
»How« cried I »is that all you are to have for your two shillings Only a
Lord and a Squire for two shillings You fools I could have promised you a
Prince and a Nabob for half the money«
This curiosity of theirs however was attended with very serious effects
we now began to think ourselves designed by the stars for something exalted and
already anticipated our future grandeur
It has been a thousand times observed and I must observe it once more that
the hours we pass with happy prospects in view are more pleasing than those
crowned with fruition In the first case we cook the dish to our own appetite
in the latter nature cooks it for us It is impossible to repeat the train of
agreeable reveries we called up for our entertainment We looked upon our
fortunes as once more rising and as the whole parish asserted that the Squire
was in love with my daughter she was actually so with him for they persuaded
her into the passion In this agreeable interval my wife had the most lucky
dreams in the world which she took care to tell us every morning with great
solemnity and exactness It was one night a coffin and cross bones the sign of
an approaching wedding at another time she imagined her daughters pockets
filled with farthings a certain sign of their being shortly stuffed with gold
The girls themselves had their omens They felt strange kisses on their lips
they saw rings in the candle purses bounced from the fire and true loveknots
lurked in the bottom of every teacup
Towards the end of the week we received a card from the town ladies in
which with their compliments they hoped to see all our family at church the
Sunday following All Saturday morning I could perceive in consequence of this
my wife and daughters in close conference together and now and then glancing at
me with looks that betrayed a latent plot To be sincere I had strong
suspicions that some absurd proposal was preparing for appearing with splendor
the next day In the evening they began their operations in a very regular
manner and my wife undertook to conduct the siege After tea when I seemed in
spirits she began thus »I fancy Charles my dear we shall have a great
deal of good company at our church tomorrow« »Perhaps we may my dear«
returned I »though you need be under no uneasiness about that you shall have a
sermon whether there be or not« »That is what I expect« returned she »but I
think my dear we ought to appear there as decently as possible for who knows
what may happen« »Your precautions« replied I »are highly commendable A
decent behaviour and appearance in church is what charms me We should be devout
and humble chearful and serene« »Yes« cried she »I know that but I mean
we should go there in as proper a manner as possible not altogether like the
scrubs about us« »You are quite right my dear« returned I »and I was going
to make the very same proposal The proper manner of going is to go there as
early as possible to have time for meditation before the service begins«
»Phoo Charles« interrupted she »all that is very true but not what I would
be at I mean we should go there genteelly You know the church is two miles
off and I protest I dont like to see my daughters trudging up to their pew all
blowzed and red with walking and looking for all the world as if they had been
winners at a smock race Now my dear my proposal is this there are our two
plow horses the Colt that has been in our family these nine years and his
companion Blackberry that have scarce done an earthly thing for this month
past They are both grown fat and lazy Why should not they do something as well
as we And let me tell you when Moses has trimmed them a little they will cut
a very tolerable figure«
To this proposal I objected that walking would be twenty times more genteel
than such a paltry conveyance as Blackberry was walleyed and the Colt wanted
a tail that they had never been broke to the rein but had an hundred vicious
tricks and that we had but one saddle and pillion in the whole house All these
objections however were overruled so that I was obliged to comply The next
morning I perceived them not a little busy in collecting such materials as might
be necessary for the expedition but as I found it would be a business of time
I walked on to the church before and they promised speedily to follow I waited
near an hour in the reading desk for their arrival but not finding them come as
expected I was obliged to begin and went through the service not without some
uneasiness at finding them absent This was encreased when all was finished and
no appearance of the family I therefore walked back by the horseway which was
five miles round tho the footway was but two and when got about half way
home perceived the procession marching slowly forward towards the church my
son my wife and the two little ones exalted upon one horse and my two
daughters upon the other I demanded the cause of their delay but I soon found
by their looks they had met with a thousand misfortunes on the road The horses
had at first refused to move from the door till Mr Burchell was kind enough to
beat them forward for about two hundred yards with his cudgel Next the straps
of my wifes pillion broke down and they were obliged to stop to repair them
before they could proceed After that one of the horses took it into his head
to stand still and neither blows nor entreaties could prevail with him to
proceed It was just recovering from this dismal situation that I found them
but perceiving every thing safe I own their present mortification did not much
displease me as it would give me many opportunities of future triumph and
teach my daughters more humility
Chap XI
The family still resolve to hold up their heads
Michaelmas eve happening on the next day we were invited to burn nuts and play
tricks at neighbour Flamboroughs Our late mortifications had humbled us a
little or it is probable we might have rejected such an invitation with
contempt however we suffered ourselves to be happy Our honest neighbours
goose and dumplings were fine and the lambswool even in the opinion of my
wife who was a connoiseur was excellent It is true his manner of telling
stories was not quite so well They were very long and very dull and all about
himself and we had laughed at them ten times before however we were kind
enough to laugh at them once more
Mr Burchell who was of the party was always fond of seeing some innocent
amusement going forward and set the boys and girls to blind mans buff My wife
too was persuaded to join in the diversion and it gave me pleasure to think she
was not yet too old In the mean time my neighbour and I looked on laughed at
every feat and praised our own dexterity when we were young Hot cockles
succeeded next questions and commands followed that and last of all they sate
down to hunt the slipper As every person may not be acquainted with this
primæval pastime it may be necessary to observe that the company at this play
plant themselves in a ring upon the ground all except one who stands in the
middle whose business it is to catch a shoe which the company shove about
under their hams from one to another something like a weavers shuttle As it
is impossible in this case for the lady who is up to face all the company at
once the great beauty of the play lies in hitting her a thump with the heel of
the shoe on that side least capable of making a defence It was in this manner
that my eldest daughter was hemmed in and thumped about all blowzed in
spirits and bawling for fair play fair play with a voice that might deafen a
ballad singer when confusion on confusion who should enter the room but our
two great acquaintances from town Lady Blarney and Miss Carolina Wilelmina
Amelia Skeggs Description would but beggar therefore it is unnecessary to
describe this new mortification Death To be seen by ladies of such high
breeding in such vulgar attitudes Nothing better could ensue from such a vulgar
play of Mr Flamboroughs proposing We seemed stuck to the ground for some
time as if actually petrified with amazement
The two ladies had been at our house to see us and finding us from home
came after us hither as they were uneasy to know what accident could have kept
us from church the day before Olivia undertook to be our prolocutor and
delivered the whole in a summary way only saying »We were thrown from our
horses« At which account the ladies were greatly concerned but being told the
family received no hurt they were extremely glad but being informed that we
were almost killed by the fright they were vastly sorry but hearing that we
had a very good night they were extremely glad again Nothing could exceed
their complaisance to my daughters their professions the last evening were
warm but now they were ardent They protested a desire of having a more lasting
acquaintance Lady Blarney was particularly attached to Olivia Miss Carolina
Wilelmina Amelia Skeggs I love to give the whole name took a greater fancy to
her sister They supported the conversation between themselves while my
daughters sate silent admiring their exalted breeding But as every reader
however beggarly himself is fond of highlived dialogues with anecdotes of
Lords Ladies and Knights of the Garter I must beg leave to give him the
concluding part of the present conversation
»All that I know of the matter« cried Miss Skeggs »is this that it may be
true or it may not be true but this I can assure your Ladyship that the whole
rout was in amaze his Lordship turned all manner of colours my Lady fell into
a sound but Sir Tomkyn drawing his sword swore he was hers to the last drop
of his blood«
»Well« replied our Peeress »this I can say that the Dutchess never told
me a syllable of the matter and I believe her Grace would keep nothing a secret
from me This you may depend upon as fact that the next morning my Lord Duke
cried out three times to his valet de chambre Jernigan Jernigan Jernigan
bring me my garters«
But previously I should have mentioned the very impolite behaviour of Mr
Burchell who during this discourse sate with his face turned to the fire and
at the conclusion of every sentence would cry out fudge an expression which
displeased us all and in some measure damped the rising spirit of the
conversation
»Besides my dear Skeggs« continued our Peeress »there is nothing of this
in the copy of verses that Dr Burdock made upon the occasion« Fudge
»I am surprised at that« cried Miss Skeggs »for he seldom leaves any thing
out as he writes only for his own amusement But can your Ladyship favour me
with a sight of them« Fudge
»My dear creature« replied our Peeress »do you think I carry such things
about me Though they are very fine to be sure and I think myself something of
a judge at least I know what pleases myself Indeed I was ever an admirer of
all Doctor Burdocks little pieces for except what he does and our dear
Countess at HanoverSquare theres nothing comes out but the most lowest stuff
in nature not a bit of high life among them« Fudge
»Your Ladyship should except« says tother »your own things in the Ladys
Magazine I hope youll say theres nothing low lived there But I suppose we
are to have no more from that quarter« Fudge
»Why my dear« says the Lady »you know my reader and companion has left
me to be married to Captain Roach and as my poor eyes wont suffer me to write
myself I have been for some time looking out for another A proper person is no
easy matter to find and to be sure thirty pounds a year is a small stipend for
a wellbred girl of character that can read write and behave in company as
for the chits about town there is no bearing them about one« Fudge
»That I know« cried Miss Skeggs »by experience For of the three
companions I had this last half year one of them refused to do plainwork an
hour in the day another thought twentyfive guineas a year too small a salary
and I was obliged to send away the third because I suspected an intrigue with
the chaplain Virtue my dear Lady Blarney virtue is worth any price but where
is that to be found« Fudge
My wife had been for a long time all attention to this discourse but was
particularly struck with the latter part of it Thirty pounds and twentyfive
guineas a year made fiftysix pounds five shillings English money all which was
in a manner going abegging and might easily be secured in the family She for
a moment studied my looks for approbation and to own a truth I was of
opinion that two such places would fit our two daughters exactly Besides if
the Squire had any real affection for my eldest daughter this would be the way
to make her every way qualified for her fortune My wife therefore was resolved
that we should not be deprived of such advantages for want of assurance and
undertook to harangue for the family »I hope« cried she »your Ladyships will
pardon my present presumption It is true we have no right to pretend to such
favours but yet it is natural for me to wish putting my children forward in the
world And I will be bold to say my two girls have had a pretty good education
and capacity at least the country cant shew better They can read write and
cast accompts they understand their needle breadstitch cross and change and
all manner of plainwork they can pink point and frill and know something of
music they can do up small cloaths work upon catgut my eldest can cut paper
and my youngest has a very pretty manner of telling fortunes upon the cards«
Fudge
When she had delivered this pretty piece of eloquence the two ladies looked
at each other a few minutes in silence with an air of doubt and importance At
last Miss Carolina Wilelmina Amelia Skeggs condescended to observe that the
young ladies from the opinion she could form of them from so slight an
acquaintance seemed very fit for such employments »But a thing of this kind
Madam« cried she addressing my spouse »requires a thorough examination into
characters and a more perfect knowledge of each other Not Madam« continued
she »that I in the least suspect the young ladies virtue prudence and
discretion but there is a form in these things Madam there is a form«
My wife approved her suspicions very much observing that she was very apt
to be suspicious herself but referred her to all the neighbours for a
character but this our Peeress declined as unnecessary alledging that her
cousin Thornhills recommendation would be sufficient and upon this we rested
our petition
Chap XII
Fortune seems resolved to humble the family of Wakefield Mortifications are
often more painful than real calamities
When we were returned home the night was dedicated to schemes of future
conquest Deborah exerted much sagacity in conjecturing which of the two girls
was likely to have the best place and most opportunities of seeing good
company The only obstacle to our preferment was in obtaining the Squires
recommendation but he had already shewn us too many instances of his friendship
to doubt of it now Even in bed my wife kept up the usual theme »Well faith
my dear Charles between ourselves I think we have made an excellent days work
of it« »Pretty well« cried I not knowing what to say »What only pretty
well« returned she »I think it is very well Suppose the girls should come to
make acquaintances of taste in town This I am assured of that London is the
only place in the world for all manner of husbands Besides my dear stranger
things happen every day and as ladies of quality are so taken with my
daughters what will not men of quality be Entre nous I protest I like my Lady
Blarney vastly so very obliging However Miss Carolina Wilelmina Amelia Skeggs
has my warm heart But yet when they came to talk of places in town you saw at
once how I nailed them Tell me my dear dont you think I did for my children
there« »Ay« returned I not knowing well what to think of the matter
»heaven grant they may be both the better for it this day three months« This
was one of those observations I usually made to impress my wife with an opinion
of my sagacity for if the girls succeeded then it was a pious wish fulfilled
but if any thing unfortunate ensued then it might be looked upon as a prophecy
All this conversation however was only preparatory to another scheme and
indeed I dreaded as much This was nothing less than that as we were now to
hold up our heads a little higher in the world it would be proper to sell the
Colt which was grown old at a neighbouring fair and buy us an horse that
would carry single or double upon an occasion and make a pretty appearance at
church or upon a visit This at first I opposed stoutly but it was as stoutly
defended However as I weakened my antagonist gained strength till at last it
was resolved to part with him
As the fair happened on the following day I had intentions of going myself
but my wife persuaded me that I had got a cold and nothing could prevail upon
her to permit me from home »No my dear« said she »our son Moses is a
discreet boy and can buy and sell to very good advantage you know all our
great bargains are of his purchasing He always stands out and higgles and
actually tires them till he gets a bargain«
As I had some opinion of my sons prudence I was willing enough to entrust
him with this commission and the next morning I perceived his sisters mighty
busy in fitting out Moses for the fair trimming his hair brushing his buckles
and cocking his hat with pins The business of the toilet being over we had at
last the satisfaction of seeing him mounted upon the Colt with a deal box
before him to bring home groceries in He had on a coat made of that cloth they
call thunder and lightning which though grown too short was much too good to
be thrown away His waistcoat was of gosling green and his sisters had tied his
hair with a broad black ribband We all followed him several paces from the
door bawling after him good luck good luck till we could see him no longer
He was scarce gone when Mr Thornhills butler came to congratulate us upon
our good fortune saying that he overheard his young master mention our names
with great commendation
Good fortune seemed resolved not to come alone Another footman from the
same family followed with a card for my daughters importing that the two
ladies had received such pleasing accounts from Mr Thornhill of us all that
after a few previous enquiries they hoped to be perfectly satisfied »Ay«
cried my wife »I now see it is no easy matter to get into the families of the
great but when one once gets in then as Moses says one may go sleep« To
this piece of humour for she intended it for wit my daughters assented with a
loud laugh of pleasure In short such was her satisfaction at this message
that she actually put her hand in her pocket and gave the messenger sevenpence
halfpenny
This was to be our visitingday The next that came was Mr Burchell who
had been at the fair He brought my little ones a pennyworth of gingerbread
each which my wife undertook to keep for them and give them by letters at a
time He brought my daughters also a couple of boxes in which they might keep
wafers snuff patches or even money when they got it My wife was usually
fond of a weesel skin purse as being the most lucky but this by the bye We
had still a regard for Mr Burchell though his late rude behaviour was in some
measure displeasing nor could we now avoid communicating our happiness to him
and asking his advice although we seldom followed advice we were all ready
enough to ask it When he read the note from the two ladies he shook his head
and observed that an affair of this sort demanded the utmost circumspection
This air of diffidence highly displeased my wife »I never doubted Sir« cried
she »your readiness to be against my daughters and me You have more
circumspection than is wanted However I fancy when we come to ask advice we
will apply to persons who seem to have made use of it themselves« »Whatever
my own conduct may have been madam« replied he »is not the present question
tho as I have made no use of advice myself I should in conscience give it to
those that will« As I was apprehensive this answer might draw on a repartee
making up by abuse what it wanted in wit I changed the subject by seeming to
wonder what could keep our son so long at the fair as it was now almost
nightfall »Never mind our son« cried my wife »depend upon it he knows what
he is about Ill warrant well never see him sell his hen of a rainy day I
have seen him buy such bargains as would amaze one Ill tell you a good story
about that that will make you split your sides with laughing But as I live
yonder comes Moses without an horse and the box at his back«
As she spoke Moses came slowly on foot and sweating under the deal box
which he had strapt round his shoulders like a pedlar »Welcome welcome
Moses well my boy what have you brought us from the fair« »I have brought
you myself« cried Moses with a sly look and resting the box on the dresser
»Ay Moses« cried my wife »that we know but where is the horse« »I have sold
him« cried Moses »for three pounds five shillings and twopence« »Well
done my good boy« returned she »I knew you would touch them off Between
ourselves three pounds five shillings and twopence is no bad days work Come
let us have it then« »I have brought back no money« cried Moses again »I
have laid it all out in a bargain and here it is« pulling out a bundle from
his breast »here they are a groce of green spectacles with silver rims and
shagreen cases« »A groce of green spectacles« repeated my wife in a faint
voice »And you have parted with the Colt and brought us back nothing but a
groce of green paltry spectacles« »Dear mother« cried the boy »why wont
you listen to reason I had them a dead bargain or I should not have bought
them The silver rims alone will sell for double the money« »A fig for the
silver rims« cried my wife in a passion »I dare swear they wont sell for
above half the money at the rate of broken silver five shillings an ounce«
»You need be under no uneasiness« cried I »about selling the rims for they
are not worth sixpence for I perceive they are only copper varnished over«
»What« cried my wife »not silver the rims not silver« »No« cried I »no
more silver than your saucepan« »And so« returned she »we have parted with
the Colt and have only got a groce of green spectacles with copper rims and
shagreen cases A murrain take such trumpery The blockhead has been imposed
upon and should have known his company better« »There my dear« cried I
»you are wrong he should not have known them at all« »Marry hang the
ideot« returned she »to bring me such stuff if I had them I would throw them
in the fire« »There again you are wrong my dear« cried I »for though they be
copper we will keep them by us as copper spectacles you know are better than
nothing«
By this time the unfortunate Moses was undeceived He now saw that he had
indeed been imposed upon by a prowling sharper who observing his figure had
marked him for an easy prey I therefore asked the circumstances of his
deception He sold the horse it seems and walked the fair in search of
another A reverend looking man brought him to a tent under pretence of having
one to sell »Here« continued Moses »we met another man very well drest who
desired to borrow twenty pounds upon these saying that he wanted money and
would dispose of them for a third of the value The first gentleman who
pretended to be my friend whispered me to buy them and cautioned me not to let
so good an offer pass I sent for Mr Flamborough and they talked him up as
finely as they did me and so at last we were persuaded to buy the two groce
between us«
Chap XIII
Mr Burchell is found to be an enemy for he has the confidence to give
disagreeable advice
Our family had now made several attempts to be fine but some unforeseen
disaster demolished each as soon as projected I endeavoured to take the
advantage of every disappointment to improve their good sense in proportion as
they were frustrated in ambition »You see my children« cried I »how little
is to be got by attempts to impose upon the world in coping with our betters
Such as are poor and will associate with none but the rich are hated by those
they avoid and despised by these they follow Unequal combinations are always
disadvantageous to the weaker side the rich having the pleasure and the poor
the inconveniencies that result from them But come Dick my boy and repeat
the fable that you were reading today for the good of the company«
»Once upon a time« cried the child »a Giant and a Dwarf were friends and
kept together They made a bargain that they would never forsake each other but
go seek adventures The first battle they fought was with two Saracens and the
Dwarf who was very courageous dealt one of the champions a most angry blow It
did the Saracen but very little injury who lifting up his sword fairly struck
off the poor Dwarfs arm He was now in a woeful plight but the Giant coming to
his assistance in a short time left the two Saracens dead on the plain and the
Dwarf cut off the dead mans head out of spite They then travelled on to
another adventure This was against three bloodyminded Satyrs who were
carrying away a damsel in distress The Dwarf was not quite so fierce now as
before but for all that struck the first blow which was returned by another
that knocked out his eye but the Giant was soon up with them and had they not
fled would certainly have killed them every one They were all very joyful for
this victory and the damsel who was relieved fell in love with the Giant and
married him They now travelled far and farther than I can tell till they met
with a company of robbers The Giant for the first time was foremost now but
the Dwarf was not far behind The battle was stout and long Wherever the Giant
came all fell before him but the Dwarf had like to have been killed more than
once At last the victory declared for the two adventurers but the Dwarf lost
his leg The Dwarf was now without an arm a leg and an eye while the Giant
was without a single wound Upon which he cried out to his little companion My
little heroe this is glorious sport let us get one victory more and then we
shall have honour for ever No cries the Dwarf who was by this time grown
wiser no I declare off Ill fight no more for I find in every battle that
you get all the honour and rewards but all the blows fall upon me«
I was going to moralize this fable when our attention was called off to a
warm dispute between my wife and Mr Burchell upon my daughters intended
expedition to town My wife very strenuously insisted upon the advantages that
would result from it Mr Burchell on the contrary dissuaded her with great
ardor and I stood neuter His present dissuasions seemed but the second part of
those which were received with so ill a grace in the morning The dispute grew
high while poor Deborah instead of reasoning stronger talked louder and at
last was obliged to take shelter from a defeat in clamour The conclusion of her
harangue however was highly displeasing to us all she knew she said of some
who had their own secret reasons for what they advised but for her part she
wished such to stay away from her house for the future »Madam« cried
Burchell with looks of great composure which tended to enflame her the more
»as for secret reasons you are right I have secret reasons which I forbear to
mention because you are not able to answer those of which I make no secret but
I find my visits here are become troublesome Ill take my leave therefore now
and perhaps come once more to take a final farewell when I am quitting the
country« Thus saying he took up his hat nor could the attempts of Sophia
whose looks seemed to upbraid his precipitancy prevent his going
When gone we all regarded each other for some minutes with confusion My
wife who knew herself to be the cause strove to hide her concern with a forced
smile and an air of assurance which I was willing to reprove »How woman«
cried I to her »is it thus we treat strangers Is it thus we return their
kindness Be assured my dear that these were the harshest words and to me the
most unpleasing that ever escaped your lips« »Why would he provoke me then«
replied she »but I know the motives of his advice perfectly well He would
prevent my girls from going to town that he may have the pleasure of my
youngest daughters company here at home But whatever happens she shall chuse
better company than such lowlived fellows as he« »Lowlived my dear do you
call him« cried I »it is very possible we may mistake this mans character
for he seems upon some occasions the most finished gentleman I ever knew Tell
me Sophia my girl has he ever given you any secret instances of his
attachment« »His conversation with me sir« replied my daughter »has ever
been sensible modest and pleasing As to aught else no never Once indeed
I remember to have heard him say he never knew a woman who could find merit in a
man that seemed poor« »Such my dear« cried I »is the common cant of all the
unfortunate or idle But I hope you have been taught to judge properly of such
men and that it would be even madness to expect happiness from one who has been
so very bad an oeconomist of his own Your mother and I have now better
prospects for you The next winter which you will probably spend in town will
give you opportunities of making a more prudent choice«
What Sophias reflections were upon this occasion I cant pretend to
determine but I was not displeased at the bottom that we were rid of a guest
from whom I had much to fear Our breach of hospitality went to my conscience a
little but I quickly silenced that monitor by two or three specious reasons
which served to satisfy and reconcile me to myself The pain which conscience
gives the man who has already done wrong is soon got over Conscience is a
coward and those faults it has not strength enough to prevent it seldom has
justice enough to accuse
Chap XIV
Fresh mortifications or a demonstration that seeming calamities may be real
blessings
The journey of my daughters to town was now resolved upon Mr Thornhill having
kindly promised to inspect their conduct himself and inform us by letter of
their behaviour But it was thought indispensably necessary that their
appearance should equal the greatness of their expectations which could not be
done without expence We debated therefore in full council what were the easiest
methods of raising money or more properly speaking what we could most
conveniently sell The deliberation was soon finished it was found that our
remaining horse was utterly useless for the plow without his companion and
equally unfit for the road as wanting an eye it was therefore determined that
we should dispose of him for the purposes abovementioned at the neighbouring
fair and to prevent imposition that I should go with him myself Though this
was one of the first mercantile transactions of my life yet I had no doubt
about acquitting myself with reputation The opinion a man forms of his own
prudence is measured by that of the company he keeps and as mine was mostly in
the family way I had conceived no unfavourable sentiments of my worldly wisdom
My wife however next morning at parting after I had got some paces from the
door called me back to advise me in a whisper to have all my eyes about me
I had in the usual forms when I came to the fair put my horse through all
his paces but for some time had no bidders At last a chapman approached and
after he had for a good while examined the horse round finding him blind of one
eye he would have nothing to say to him a second came up but observing he had
a spavin declared he would not take him for the driving home a third perceived
he had a windgall and would bid no money a fourth knew by his eye that he had
the botts a fifth wondered what a plague I could do at the fair with a blind
spavined galled hack that was only fit to be cut up for a dog kennel By this
time I began to have a most hearty contempt for the poor animal myself and was
almost ashamed at the approach of every customer for though I did not entirely
believe all the fellows told me yet I reflected that the number of witnesses
was a strong presumption they were right and St Gregory upon good works
professes himself to be of the same opinion
I was in this mortifying situation when a brother clergyman an old
acquaintance who had also business to the fair came up and shaking me by the
hand proposed adjourning to a publichouse and taking a glass of whatever we
could get I readily closed with the offer and entering an alehouse we were
shewn into a little back room where there was only a venerable old man who sat
wholly intent over a large book which he was reading I never in my life saw a
figure that prepossessed me more favourably His locks of silver grey venerably
shaded his temples and his green old age seemed to be the result of health and
benevolence However his presence did not interrupt our conversation my friend
and I discoursed on the various turns of fortune we had met the Whistonean
controversy my last pamphlet the archdeacons reply and the hard measure that
was dealt me But our attention was in a short time taken off by the appearance
of a youth who entering the room respectfully said something softly to the
old stranger »Make no apologies my child« said the old man »to do good is a
duty we owe to all our fellow creatures take this I wish it were more but
five pounds will relieve your distress and you are welcome« The modest youth
shed tears of gratitude and yet his gratitude was scarce equal to mine I could
have hugged the good old man in my arms his benevolence pleased me so He
continued to read and we resumed our conversation until my companion after
some time recollecting that he had business to transact in the fair promised
to be soon back adding that he always desired to have as much of Dr
Primroses company as possible The old gentleman hearing my name mentioned
seemed to look at me with attention for some time and when my friend was gone
most respectfully demanded if I was any way related to the great Primrose that
couragious monogamist who had been the bulwark of the church Never did my
heart feel sincerer rapture than at that moment »Sir« cried I »the applause
of so good a man as I am sure you are adds to that happiness in my breast
which your benevolence has already excited You behold before you Sir that
Doctor Primrose the monogamist whom you have been pleased to call great You
here see that unfortunate Divine who has so long and it would ill become me to
say successfully fought against the deuterogamy of the age« »Sir« cried the
stranger struck with awe »I fear I have been too familiar but youll forgive
my curiosity Sir I beg pardon« »Sir« cried I grasping his hand »you are so
far from displeasing me by your familiarity that I must beg youll accept my
friendship as you already have my esteem« »Then with gratitude I accept the
offer« cried he squeezing me by the hand »thou glorious pillar of unshaken
orthodoxy and do I behold « I here interrupted what he was going to say for
tho as an author I could digest no small share of flattery yet now my
modesty would permit no more However no lovers in romance ever cemented a more
instantaneous friendship We talked upon several subjects at first I thought he
seemed rather devout than learned and began to think he despised all human
doctrines as dross Yet this no way lessened him in my esteem for I had for
some time begun privately to harbour such an opinion myself I therefore took
occasion to observe that the world in general began to be blameably indifferent
as to doctrinal matters and followed human speculations too much »Ay Sir«
replied he as if he had reserved all his learning to that moment »Ay Sir the
world is in its dotage and yet the cosmogony or creation of the world has
puzzled philosophers of all ages What a medly of opinions have they not
broached upon the creation of the world Sanconiathon Manetho Berosus and
Ocellus Lucanus have all attempted it in vain The latter has these words
Anarchon ara kai atelutaion to pan which imply that all things have neither
beginning nor end Manetho also who lived about the time of NebuchadonAsser
Asser being a Syriac word usually applied as a sirname to the kings of that
country as Teglat PhaelAsser NabonAsser he I say formed a conjecture
equally absurd for as we usually say ek to biblion kubernetes which implies
that books will never teach the world so he attempted to investigate But
Sir I ask pardon I am straying from the question« That he actually was nor
could I for my life see how the creation of the world had any thing to do with
the business I was talking of but it was sufficient to shew me that he was a
man of letters and I now reverenced him the more I was resolved therefore to
bring him to the touchstone but he was too mild and too gentle to contend for
victory Whenever I made any observation that looked like a challenge to
controversy he would smile shake his head and say nothing by which I
understood he could say much if he thought proper The subject therefore
insensibly changed from the business of antiquity to that which brought us both
to the fair mine I told him was to sell an horse and very luckily indeed his
was to buy one for one of his tenants My horse was soon produced and in fine
we struck a bargain Nothing now remained but to pay me and he accordingly
pulled out a thirty pound note and bid me change it Not being in a capacity of
complying with his demand he ordered his footman to be called up who made his
appearance in a very genteel livery »Here Abraham« cried he »go and get gold
for this youll do it at neighbour Jacksons or any where« While the fellow
was gone he entertained me with a pathetic harangue on the great scarcity of
silver which I undertook to improve by deploring also the great scarcity of
gold so that by the time Abraham returned we had both agreed that money was
never so hard to be come at as now Abraham returned to inform us that he had
been over the whole fair and could not get change tho he had offered half a
crown for doing it This was a very great disappointment to us all but the old
gentleman having paused a little asked me if I knew one Solomon Flamborough in
my part of the country upon replying that he was my next door neighbour »If
that be the case then« returned he »I believe we shall deal You shall have a
draught upon him payable at sight and let me tell you he is as warm a man as
any within five miles round him Honest Solomon and I have been acquainted for
many years together I remember I always beat him at three jumps but he could
hop upon one leg farther than I« A draught upon my neighbour was to me the same
as money for I was sufficiently convinced of his ability the draught was
signed and put into my hands and Mr Jenkinson the old gentleman his man
Abraham and my horse old Blackberry trotted off very well pleased with each
other
After a short interval being left to reflection I began to recollect that I
had done wrong in taking a draught from a stranger and so prudently resolved
upon following the purchaser and having back my horse But this was now too
late I therefore made directly homewards resolving to get the draught changed
into money at my friends as fast as possible I found my honest neighbour
smoking his pipe at his own door and informing him that I had a small bill upon
him he read it twice over »You can read the name I suppose« cried I
»Ephraim Jenkinson« »Yes« returned he »the name is written plain enough and
I know the gentleman too the greatest rascal under the canopy of heaven This
is the very same rogue who sold us the spectacles Was he not a venerable
looking man with grey hair and no flaps to his pocketholes And did he not
talk a long string of learning about Greek and cosmogony and the world« To
this I replied with a groan »Aye« continued he »he has but that one piece of
learning in the world and he always talks it away whenever he finds a scholar
in company but I know the rogue and will catch him yet«
Though I was already sufficiently mortified my greatest struggle was to
come in facing my wife and daughters No truant was ever more afraid of
returning to school there to behold the masters visage than I was of going
home I was determined however to anticipate their fury by first falling into
a passion myself
But alas upon entering I found the family no way disposed for battle My
wife and girls were all in tears Mr Thornhill having been there that day to
inform them that their journey to town was entirely over The two ladies having
heard reports of us from some malicious person about us were that day set out
for London He could neither discover the tendency nor the author of these but
whatever they might be or whoever might have broached them he continued to
assure our family of his friendship and protection I found therefore that
they bore my disappointment with great resignation as it was eclipsed in the
greatness of their own But what perplexed us most was to think who could be so
base as to asperse the character of a family so harmless as ours too humble to
excite envy and too inoffensive to create disgust
Chap XV
All Mr Burchells villainy at once detected The folly of being overwise
That evening and a part of the following day was employed in fruitless attempts
to discover our enemies scarce a family in the neighbourhood but incurred our
suspicions and each of us had reasons for our opinion best known to ourselves
As we were in this perplexity one of our little boys who had been playing
abroad brought in a lettercase which he found on the green It was quickly
known to belong to Mr Burchell with whom it had been seen and upon
examination contained some hints upon different subjects but what particularly
engaged our attention was a sealed note superscribed the copy of a letter to
be sent to the two ladies at Thornhillcastle It instantly occurred that he was
the base informer and we deliberated whether the note should not be broke open
I was against it but Sophia who said she was sure that of all men he would be
the last to be guilty of so much baseness insisted upon its being read In this
she was seconded by the rest of the family and at their joint solicitation I
read as follows
»Ladies
The bearer will sufficiently satisfy you as to the person from whom
this comes one at least the friend of innocence and ready to prevent
its being seduced I am informed for a truth that you have some
intention of bringing two young ladies to town whom I have some
knowledge of under the character of companions As I would neither have
simplicity imposed upon nor virtue contaminated I must offer it as my
opinion that the impropriety of such a step will be attended with
dangerous consequences It has never been my way to treat the infamous
or the lewd with severity nor should I now have taken this method of
explaining myself or reproving folly did it not aim at guilt Take
therefore the admonition of a friend and seriously reflect on the
consequences of introducing infamy and vice into retreats where peace
and innocence have hitherto resided«
Our doubts were now at an end There seemed indeed something applicable to both
sides in this letter and its censures might as well be referred to those to
whom it was written as to us but the malicious meaning was obvious and we
went no farther My wife had scarce patience to hear me to the end but railed
at the writer with unrestrained resentment Olivia was equally severe and
Sophia seemed perfectly amazed at his baseness As for my part it appeared to
me one of the vilest instances of unprovoked ingratitude I had met with Nor
could I account for it in any other manner than by imputing it to his desire of
detaining my youngest daughter in the country to have the more frequent
opportunities of an interview In this manner we all sate ruminating upon
schemes of vengeance when our other little boy came running in to tell us that
Mr Burchell was approaching at the other end of the field It is easier to
conceive than describe the complicated sensations which are felt from the pain
of a recent injury and the pleasure of approaching vengeance Tho our
intentions were only to upbraid him with his ingratitude yet it was resolved to
do it in a manner that would be perfectly cutting For this purpose we agreed to
meet him with our usual smiles to chat in the beginning with more than ordinary
kindness to amuse him a little and then in the midst of the flattering calm to
burst upon him like an earthquake and overwhelm him with the sense of his own
baseness This being resolved upon my wife undertook to manage the business
herself as she really had some talents for such an undertaking We saw him
approach he entered drew a chair and sate down »A fine day Mr Burchell«
»A very fine day Doctor though I fancy we shall have some rain by the
shooting of my corns« »The shooting of your horns« cried my wife in a loud
fit of laughter and then asked pardon for being fond of a joke »Dear madam«
replied he »I pardon you with all my heart for I protest I should not have
thought it a joke had you not told me« »Perhaps not Sir« cried my wife
winking at us »and yet I dare say you can tell us how many jokes go to an
ounce« »I fancy madam« returned Burchell »you have been reading a jest
book this morning that ounce of jokes is so very good a conceit and yet
madam I had rather see half an ounce of understanding« »I believe you
might« cried my wife still smiling at us though the laugh was against her
»and yet I have seen some men pretend to understanding that have very little«
»And no doubt« replied her antagonist »you have known ladies set up for wit
that had none« I quickly began to find that my wife was likely to gain but
little at this business so I resolved to treat him in a stile of more severity
myself »Both wit and understanding« cried I »are trifles without integrity
it is that which gives value to every character The ignorant peasant without
fault is greater than the philosopher with many for what is genius or courage
without an heart An honest man is the noblest work of God«
»I always held that hackneyd maxim of Pope« returned Mr Burchell »as
very unworthy a man of genius and a base desertion of his own superiority As
the reputation of books is raised not by their freedom from defect but the
greatness of their beauties so should that of men be prized not for their
exemption from fault but the size of those virtues they are possessed of The
scholar may want prudence the statesman may have pride and the champion
ferocity but shall we prefer to these the low mechanic who laboriously plods
on through life without censure or applause We might as well prefer the tame
correct paintings of the Flemish school to the erroneous but sublime animations
of the Roman pencil«
»Sir« replied I »your present observation is just when there are shining
virtues and minute defects but when it appears that great vices are opposed in
the same mind to as extraordinary virtues such a character deserves contempt«
»Perhaps« cried he »there may be some such monsters as you describe of
great vices joined to great virtues yet in my progress through life I never
yet found one instance of their existence on the contrary I have ever
perceived that where the mind was capacious the affections were good And
indeed Providence seems kindly our friend in this particular thus to debilitate
the understanding where the heart is corrupt and diminish the power where there
is the will to do mischief This rule seems to extend even to other animals the
little vermin race are ever treacherous cruel and cowardly whilst those
endowed with strength and power are generous brave and gentle«
»These observations sound well« returned I »and yet it would be easy this
moment to point out a man« and I fixed my eye stedfastly upon him »whose head
and heart form a most detestable contrast Ay Sir« continued I raising my
voice »and I am glad to have this opportunity of detecting him in the midst of
his fancied security Do you know this Sir this pocketbook« »Yes Sir«
returned he with a face of impenetrable assurance »that pocketbook is mine
and I am glad you have found it« »And do you know« cried I »this letter
Nay never falter man but look me full in the face I say do you know this
letter« »That letter« returned he »yes it was I that wrote that letter«
»And how could you« said I »so basely so ungratefully presume to write this
letter« »And how came you« replied he with looks of unparallelled
effrontery »so basely to presume to break open this letter Dont you know
now I could hang you all for this All that I have to do is to swear at the
next justices that you have been guilty of breaking open the lock of my
pocketbook and so hang you all up at his door« This piece of unexpected
insolence raised me to such a pitch that I could scarce govern my passion
»Ungrateful wretch begone and no longer pollute my dwelling with thy baseness
Begone and never let me see thee again go from my doors and the only
punishment I wish thee is an allarmed conscience which will be a sufficient
tormentor« So saying I threw him his pocketbook which he took up with a
smile and shutting the clasps with the utmost composure left us quite
astonished at the serenity of his assurance My wife was particularly enraged
that nothing could make him angry or make him seem ashamed of his villainies
»My dear« cried I willing to calm those passions that had been raised too high
among us »we are not to be surprised that bad men want shame they only blush
at being detected in doing good but glory in their vices
Guilt and shame says the allegory were at first companions and in the
beginning of their journey inseparably kept together But their union was soon
found to be disagreeable and inconvenient to both guilt gave shame frequent
uneasiness and shame often betrayed the secret conspiracies of guilt After
long disagreement therefore they at length consented to part for ever Guilt
boldly walked forward alone to overtake fate that went before in the shape of
an executioner but shame being naturally timorous returned back to keep
company with virtue which in the beginning of their journey they had left
behind Thus my children after men have travelled through a few stages in
vice shame forsakes them and returns back to wait upon the few virtues they
have still remaining«
Chap XVI
The family use art which is opposed with still greater
Whatever might have been Sophias sensations the rest of the family was easily
consoled for Mr Burchells absence by the company of our landlord whose visits
now became more frequent and longer Though he had been disappointed in
procuring my daughters the amusements of the town as he designed he took every
opportunity of supplying them with those little recreations which our retirement
would admit of He usually came in the morning and while my son and I followed
our occupations abroad he sat with the family at home and amused them by
describing the town with every part of which he was particularly acquainted He
could repeat all the observations that were retailed in the atmosphere of the
playhouses and had all the good things of the high wits by rote long before
they made way into the jestbooks The intervals between conversation were
employed in teaching my daughters piquet or sometimes in setting my two little
ones to box to make them sharp as he called it but the hopes of having him for
a soninlaw in some measure blinded us to all his imperfections It must be
owned that my wife laid a thousand schemes to entrap him or to speak it more
tenderly used every art to magnify the merit of her daughter If the cakes at
tea eat short and crisp they were made by Olivia if the gooseberry wine was
well knit the gooseberries were of her gathering it was her fingers which gave
the pickles their peculiar green and in the composition of a pudding it was
her judgment that mixd the ingredients Then the poor woman would sometimes
tell the Squire that she thought him and Olivia extremely of a size and would
bid both stand up to see which was tallest These instances of cunning which
she thought impenetrable yet which every body saw through were very pleasing
to our benefactor who gave every day some new proofs of his passion which
though they had not arisen to proposals of marriage yet we thought fell but
little short of it and his slowness was attributed sometimes to native
bashfulness and sometimes to his fear of offending his uncle An occurrence
however which happened soon after put it beyond a doubt that he designed to
become one of our family my wife even regarded it as an absolute promise
My wife and daughters happening to return a visit to neighbour
Flamboroughs found that family had lately got their pictures drawn by a
limner who travelled the country and took likenesses for fifteen shillings a
head As this family and ours had long a sort of rivalry in point of taste our
spirit took the alarm at this stolen march upon us and notwithstanding all I
could say and I said much it was resolved that we should have our pictures
done too Having therefore engaged the limner for what could I do our next
deliberation was to shew the superiority of our taste in the attitudes As for
our neighbours family there were seven of them and they were drawn with seven
oranges a thing quite out of taste no variety in life no composition in the
world We desired to have something in a brighter style and after many
debates at length came to an unanimous resolution of being drawn together in
one large historical family piece This would be cheaper since one frame would
serve for all and it would be infinitely more genteel for all families of any
taste were now drawn in the same manner As we did not immediately recollect an
historical subject to hit us we were contented each with being drawn as
independent historical figures My wife desired to be represented as Venus and
the painter was desired not to be too frugal of his diamonds in her stomacher
and hair Her two little ones were to be as Cupids by her side while I in my
gown and band was to present her with my books on the Whistonian controversy
Olivia would be drawn as an Amazon sitting upon a bank of flowers drest in a
green joseph richly laced with gold and a whip in her hand Sophia was to be a
shepherdess with as many sheep as the painter could put in for nothing and
Moses was to be drest out with an hat and white feather Our taste so much
pleased the Squire that he insisted on being put in as one of the family in
the character of Alexander the great at Olivias feet This was considered by
us all as an indication of his desire to be introduced into the family nor
could we refuse his request The painter was therefore set to work and as he
wrought with assiduity and expedition in less than four days the whole was
compleated The piece was large and it must be owned he did not spare his
colours for which my wife gave him great encomiums We were all perfectly
satisfied with his performance but an unfortunate circumstance had not occurred
till the picture was finished which now struck us with dismay It was so very
large that we had no place in the house to fix it How we all came to disregard
so material a point is inconceivable but certain it is we had been all greatly
remiss The picture therefore instead of gratifying our vanity as we hoped
leaned in a most mortifying manner against the kitchen wall where the canvas
was stretched and painted much too large to be got through any of the doors
and the jest of all our neighbours One compared it to Robinson Crusoes
longboat too large to be removed another thought it more resembled a reel in
a bottle some wondered how it could be got out but still more were amazed how
it ever got in
But though it excited the ridicule of some it effectually raised more
malicious suggestions in many The Squires portrait being found united with
ours was an honour too great to escape envy Scandalous whispers began to
circulate at our expence and our tranquility was continually disturbed by
persons who came as friends to tell us what was said of us by enemies These
reports we always resented with becoming spirit but scandal ever improves by
opposition
We once again therefore entered into a consultation upon obviating the
malice of our enemies and at last came to a resolution which had too much
cunning to give me entire satisfaction It was this as our principal object was
to discover the honour of Mr Thornhills addresses my wife undertook to sound
him by pretending to ask his advice in the choice of an husband for her eldest
daughter If this was not found sufficient to induce him to a declaration it
was then resolved to terrify him with a rival To this last step however I
would by no means give my consent till Olivia gave me the most solemn
assurances that she would marry the person provided to rival him upon this
occasion if he did not prevent it by taking her himself Such was the scheme
laid which though I did not strenuously oppose I did not entirely approve
The next time therefore that Mr Thornhill came to see us my girls took
care to be out of the way in order to give their mamma an opportunity of
putting her scheme in execution but they only retired to the next room from
whence they could overhear the whole conversation My wife artfully introduced
it by observing that one of the Miss Flamboroughs was like to have a very good
match of it in Mr Spanker To this the Squire assenting she proceeded to
remark that they who had warm fortunes were always sure of getting good
husbands »But heaven help« continued she »the girls that have none What
signifies beauty Mr Thornhill or what signifies all the virtue and all the
qualifications in the world in this age of selfinterest It is not what is
she but what has she is all the cry«
»Madam« returned he »I highly approve the justice as well as the novelty
of your remarks and if I were a king it should be otherwise It should then
indeed be fine times with the girls without fortunes our two young ladies
should be the first for whom I would provide«
»Ah Sir« returned my wife »you are pleased to be facetious but I wish I
were a queen and then I know where my eldest daughter should look for an
husband But now that you have put it into my head seriously Mr Thornhill
cant you recommend me a proper husband for her She is now nineteen years old
well grown and well educated and in my humble opinion does not want for
parts«
»Madam« replied he »if I were to chuse I would find out a person
possessed of every accomplishment that can make an angel happy One with
prudence fortune taste and sincerity such madam would be in my opinion
the proper husband« »Ay Sir« said she »but do you know of any such person «
»No madam« returned he »it is impossible to know any person that deserves
to be her husband shes too great a treasure for one mans possession shes a
goddess Upon my soul I speak what I think shes an angel« »Ah Mr
Thornhill you only flatter my poor girl but we have been thinking of marrying
her to one of your tenants whose mother is lately dead and who wants a
manager you know whom I mean farmer Williams a warm man Mr Thornhill able
to give her good bread and who has several times made her proposals which was
actually the case but Sir« concluded she »I should be glad to have your
approbation of our choice« »How madam« replied he »my approbation My
approbation of such a choice Never What Sacrifice so much beauty and sense
and goodness to a creature insensible of the blessing Excuse me I can never
approve of such a piece of injustice And I have my reasons« »Indeed Sir«
cried Deborah »if you have your reasons thats another affair but I should be
glad to know those reasons« »Excuse me madam« returned he »they lie too
deep for discovery laying his hand upon his bosom they remain buried
rivetted here«
After he was gone upon general consultation we could not tell what to make
of these fine sentiments Olivia considered them as instances of the most
exalted passion but I was not quite so sanguine it seemed to me pretty plain
that they had more of love than matrimony in them yet whatever they might
portend it was resolved to prosecute the scheme of farmer Williams who from
my daughters first appearance in the country had paid her his addresses
Chap XVII
Scarce any virtue found to resist the power of long and pleasing temptation
As I only studied my childs real happiness the assiduity of Mr Williams
pleased me as he was in easy circumstances prudent and sincere It required
but very little encouragement to revive his former passion so that in an
evening or two he and Mr Thornhill met at our house and surveyed each other
for some time with looks of anger but Williams owed his landlord no rent and
little regarded his indignation Olivia on her side acted the coquet to
perfection if that might be called acting which was her real character
pretending to lavish all her tenderness on her new lover Mr Thornhill appeared
quite dejected at this preference and with a pensive air took leave though I
own it puzzled me to find him so much in pain as he appeared to be when he had
it in his power so easily to remove the cause by declaring an honourable
passion But whatever uneasiness he seemed to endure it could easily be
perceived that Olivias anguish was still greater After any of these interviews
between her lovers of which there were several she usually retired to
solitude and there indulged her grief It was in such a situation I found her
one evening after she had been for some time supporting a fictitious gayety
»You now see my child« said I »that your confidence in Mr Thornhills
passion was all a dream he permits the rivalry of another every way his
inferior though he knows it lies in his power to secure you to himself by a
candid declaration« »Yes pappa« returned she »but he has his reasons for
this delay I know he has The sincerity of his looks and words convince me of
his real esteem A short time I hope will discover the generosity of his
sentiments and convince you that my opinion of him has been more just than
yours« »Olivia my darling« returned I »every scheme that has been hitherto
pursued to compel him to a declaration has been proposed and planned by
yourself nor can you in the least say that I have constrained you But you must
not suppose my dear that I will ever be instrumental in suffering his honest
rival to be the dupe of your illplaced passion Whatever time you require to
bring your fancied admirer to an explanation shall be granted but at the
expiration of that term if he is still regardless I must absolutely insist
that honest Mr Williams shall be rewarded for his fidelity The character which
I have hitherto supported in life demands this from me and my tenderness as a
parent shall never influence my integrity as a man Name then your day let it
be as distant as you think proper and in the mean time take care to let Mr
Thornhill know the exact time on which I design delivering you up to another If
he really loves you his own good sense will readily suggest that there is but
one method alone to prevent his losing you for ever« This proposal which she
could not avoid considering as perfectly just was readily agreed to She again
renewed her most positive promise of marrying Mr Williams in case of the
others insensibility and at the next opportunity in Mr Thornhills presence
that day month was fixed upon for her nuptials with his rival
Such vigorous proceedings seemed to redouble Mr Thornhills anxiety but
what Olivia really felt gave me some uneasiness In this struggle between
prudence and passion her vivacity quite forsook her and every opportunity of
solitude was sought and spent in tears One week passed away but Mr Thornhill
made no efforts to restrain her nuptials The succeeding week he was still
assiduous but not more open On the third he discontinued his visits entirely
and instead of my daughter testifying any impatience as I expected she seemed
to retain a pensive tranquillity which I looked upon as resignation For my own
part I was now sincerely pleased with thinking that my child was going to be
secured in a continuance of competence and peace and frequently applauded her
resolution in prefering happiness to ostentation It was within about four days
of her intended nuptials that my little family at night were gathered round a
charming fire telling stories of the past and laying schemes for the future
Busied in forming a thousand projects and laughing at whatever folly came
uppermost »Well Moses« cried I »we shall soon my boy have a wedding in the
family what is your opinion of matters and things in general « »My opinion
father is that all things go on very well and I was just now thinking that
when sister Livy is married to farmer Williams we shall then have the loan of
his cyderpress and brewing tubs for nothing« »That we shall Moses« cried
I »and he will sing us Death and the Lady to raise our spirits into the
bargain« »He has taught that song to our Dick« cried Moses »and I think he
goes thro it very prettily« »Does he so« cried I »then let us have it
wheres little Dick let him up with it boldly« »My brother Dick« cried Bill
my youngest »is just gone out with sister Livy but Mr Williams has taught me
two songs and Ill sing them for you pappa Which song do you chuse the Dying
Swan or the Elegy on the death of a mad dog« »The elegy child by all means«
said I »I never heard that yet and Deborah my life grief you know is dry
let us have a bottle of the best gooseberry wine to keep up our spirits I have
wept so much at all sorts of elegies of late that without an enlivening glass I
am sure this will overcome me and Sophy love take your guitar and thrum in
with the boy a little«
An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog
Good people all of every sort
Give ear unto my song
And if you find it wondrous short
It cannot hold you long
In Isling town there was a man
Of whom the world might say
That still a godly race he ran
Wheneer he went to pray
A kind and gentle heart he had
To comfort friends and foes
The naked every day he clad
When he put on his cloaths
And in that town a dog was found
As many dogs there be
Both mungrel puppy whelp and hound
And curs of low degree
This dog and man at first were friends
But when a pique began
The dog to gain some private ends
Went mad and bit the man
Around from all the neighbouring streets
The wondering neighbours ran
And swore the dog had lost his wits
To bite so good a man
The wound it seemd both sore and sad
To every christian eye
And while they swore the dog was mad
They swore the man would die
But soon a wonder came to light
That shewd the rogues they lied
The man recovered of the bite
The dog it was that dyd
»A very good boy Bill upon my word and an elegy that may truly be called
tragical Come my children heres Bills health and may he one day be a
bishop«
»With all my heart« cried my wife »and if he but preaches as well as he
sings I make no doubt of him The most of his family by the mothers side
could sing a good song it was a common saying in our country that the family
of the Blenkinsops could never look strait before them nor the Huginsons blow
out a candle that there were none of the Grograms but could sing a song or of
the Marjorams but could tell a story« »However that be« cried I »the most
vulgar ballad of them all generally pleases me better than the fine modern odes
and things that petrify us in a single stanza productions that we at once
detest and praise Put the glass to your brother Moses The great fault of
these elegiasts is that they are in despair for griefs that give the sensible
part of mankind very little pain A lady loses her muff her fan or her
lapdog and so the silly poet runs home to versify the disaster«
»That may be the mode« cried Moses »in sublimer compositions but the
Ranelagh songs that come down to us are perfectly familiar and all cast in the
same mold Colin meets Dolly and they hold a dialogue together he gives her a
fairing to put in her hair and she presents him with a nosegay and then they
go together to church where they give good advice to young nymphs and swains to
get married as fast as they can«
»And very good advice too« cried I »and I am told there is not a place in
the world where advice can be given with so much propriety as there for as it
persuades us to marry it also furnishes us with a wife and surely that must be
an excellent market my boy where we are told what we want and supplied with
it when wanting«
»Yes Sir« returned Moses »and I know but of two such markets for wives in
Europe Ranelagh in England and Fontarabia in Spain The Spanish market is open
once a year but our English wives are saleable every night«
»You are right my boy« cried his mother »Old England is the only place in
the world for husbands to get wives« »And for wives to manage their
husbands« interrupted I »It is a proverb abroad that if a bridge were built
across the sea all the ladies of the Continent would come over to take pattern
from ours for there are no such wives in Europe as our own
But let us have one bottle more Deborah my life and Moses give us a good
song What thanks do we not owe to heaven for thus bestowing tranquillity
health and competence I think myself happier now than the greatest monarch
upon earth He has no such fireside nor such pleasant faces about it Yes
Deborah we are now growing old but the evening of our life is likely to be
happy We are descended from ancestors that knew no stain and we shall leave a
good and virtuous race of children behind us While we live they will be our
support and our pleasure here and when we die they will transmit our honour
untainted to posterity Come my son we wait for a song let us have a chorus
But where is my darling Olivia That little cherubs voice is always sweetest in
the concert« Just as I spoke Dick came running in »O pappa pappa she is
gone from us she is gone from us my sister Livy is gone from us for ever«
»Gone child« »Yes she is gone off with two gentlemen in a post chaise and
one of them kissed her and said he would die for her and she cried very much
and was for coming back but he persuaded her again and she went into the
chaise and said O what will my poor pappa do when he knows I am undone«
»Now then« cried I »my children go and be miserable for we shall never enjoy
one hour more And O may heavens everlasting fury light upon him and his Thus
to rob me of my child And sure it will for taking back my sweet innocent that
I was leading up to heaven Such sincerity as my child was possest of But all
our earthly happiness is now over Go my children go and be miserable and
infamous for my heart is broken within me« »Father« cried my son »is this
your fortitude« »Fortitude child Yes he shall see I have fortitude Bring
me my pistols Ill pursue the traitor While he is on earth Ill pursue him
Old as I am he shall find I can sting him yet The villain The perfidious
villain« I had by this time reached down my pistols when my poor wife whose
passions were not so strong as mine caught me in her arms »My dearest dearest
husband« cried she »the bible is the only weapon that is fit for your old
hands now Open that my love and read our anguish into patience for she has
vilely deceived us« »Indeed Sir« resumed my son after a pause »your rage
is too violent and unbecoming You should be my mothers comforter and you
encrease her pain It ill suited you and your reverend character thus to curse
your greatest enemy you should not have curst him villain as he is« »I did
not curse him child did I« »Indeed Sir you did you curst him twice«
»Then may heaven forgive me and him if I did And now my son I see it was more
than human benevolence that first taught us to bless our enemies Blest be his
holy name for all the good he hath given and for all that he hath taken away
But it is not it is not a small distress that can wring tears from these old
eyes that have not wept for so many years My Child To undo my darling May
confusion seize Heaven forgive me what am I about to say You may remember my
love how good she was and how charming till this vile moment all her care was
to make us happy Had she but died But she is gone the honour of our family
contaminated and I must look out for happiness in other worlds than here But
my child you saw them go off perhaps he forced her away If he forced her she
may yet be innocent« »Ah no Sir« cried the child »he only kissed her and
called her his angel and she wept very much and leaned upon his arm and they
drove off very fast« »Shes an ungrateful creature« cried my wife who could
scarce speak for weeping »to use us thus She never had the least constraint
put upon her affections The vile strumpet has basely deserted her parents
without any provocation thus to bring your grey hairs to the grave and I must
shortly follow«
In this manner that night the first of our real misfortunes was spent in
the bitterness of complaint and ill supported sallies of enthusiasm I
determined however to find out our betrayer wherever he was and reproach his
baseness The next morning we missed our wretched child at breakfast where she
used to give life and chearfulness to us all My wife as before attempted to
ease her heart by reproaches »Never« cried she »shall that vilest stain of
our family again darken those harmless doors I will never call her daughter
more No let the strumpet live with her vile seducer she may bring us to
shame but she shall never more deceive us«
»Wife« said I »do not talk thus hardly my detestation of her guilt is as
great as yours but ever shall this house and this heart be open to a poor
returning repentant sinner The sooner she returns from her transgression the
more welcome shall she be to me For the first time the very best may err art
may persuade and novelty spread out its charm The first fault is the child of
simplicity but every other the offspring of guilt Yes the wretched creature
shall be welcome to this heart and this house tho stained with ten thousand
vices I will again hearken to the music of her voice again will I hang fondly
on her bosom if I find but repentance there My son bring hither my bible and
my staff I will pursue her wherever she is and tho I cannot save her from
shame I may prevent the continuance of iniquity«
Chap XVIII
The pursuit of a father to reclaim a lost child to virtue
Tho the child could not describe the gentlemans person who handed his sister
into the postchaise yet my suspicions fell entirely upon our young landlord
whose character for such intrigues was but too well known I therefore directed
my steps towards Thornhillcastle resolving to upbraid him and if possible
to bring back my daughter but before I had reached his seat I was met by one
of my parishioners who said he saw a young lady resembling my daughter in a
postchaise with a gentleman whom by the description I could only guess to be
Mr Burchell and that they drove very fast This information however did by
no means satisfy me I therefore went to the young Squires and though it was
yet early insisted upon seeing him immediately he soon appeared with the most
open familiar air and seemed perfectly amazed at my daughters elopement
protesting upon his honour that he was quite a stranger to it I now therefore
condemned my former suspicions and could turn them only on Mr Burchell who I
recollected had of late several private conferences with her but the appearance
of another witness left me no room to doubt of his villainy who averred that
he and my daughter were actually gone towards the wells about thirty miles off
where there was a great deal of company Being driven to that state of mind in
which we are more ready to act precipitately than to reason right I never
debated with myself whether these accounts might not have been given by persons
purposely placed in my way to mislead me but resolved to pursue my daughter
and her fancied deluder thither I walked along with earnestness and enquired
of several by the way but received no accounts till entering the town I was
met by a person on horseback whom I remembered to have seen at the Squires
and he assured me that if I followed them to the races which were but thirty
miles farther I might depend upon overtaking them for he had seen them dance
there the night before and the whole assembly seemed charmed with my daughters
performance Early the next day I walked forward to the races and about four in
the afternoon I came upon the course The company made a very brilliant
appearance all earnestly employed in one pursuit that of pleasure how
different from mine that of reclaiming a lost child to virtue I thought I
perceived Mr Burchell at some distance from me but as if he dreaded an
interview upon my approaching him he mixed among a crowd and I saw him no
more I now reflected that it would be to no purpose to continue my pursuit
farther and resolved to return home to an innocent family who wanted my
assistance But the agitations of my mind and the fatigues I had undergone
threw me into a fever the symptoms of which I perceived before I came off the
course This was another unexpected stroke as I was more than seventy miles
distant from home however I retired to a little alehouse by the roadside
and in this place the usual retreat of indigence and frugality I laid me down
patiently to wait the issue of my disorder I languished here for near three
weeks but at last my constitution prevailed though I was unprovided with money
to defray the expences of my entertainment It is possible the anxiety from this
last circumstance alone might have brought on a relapse had I not been supplied
by a traveller who stopt to take a cursory refreshment This person was no
other than the philanthropic bookseller in St Pauls churchyard who has
written so many little books for children he called himself their friend but
he was the friend of all mankind He was no sooner alighted but he was in haste
to be gone for he was ever on business of the utmost importance and was at
that time actually compiling materials for the history of one Mr Thomas Trip I
immediately recollected this good mans red pimpled face for he had published
for me against the Deuterogamists of the age and from him I borrowed a few
pieces to be paid at my return Leaving the inn therefore as I was yet but
weak I resolved to return home by easy journies of ten miles a day My health
and usual tranquillity were almost restored and I now condemned that pride
which had made me refractory to the hand of correction Man little knows what
calamities are beyond his patience to bear till he tries them as in ascending
the heights of ambition which look bright from below every step we rise shews
us some new and gloomy prospect of hidden disappointment so in our descent from
the summits of pleasure though the vale of misery below may appear at first
dark and gloomy yet the busy mind still attentive to its own amusement finds
as we descend something to flatter and to please Still as we approach the
darkest objects appear to brighten and the mental eye becomes adapted to its
gloomy situation
I now proceeded forward and had walked about two hours when I perceived
what appeared at a distance like a waggon which I was resolved to overtake but
when I came up with it found it to be a strolling companys cart that was
carrying their scenes and other theatrical furniture to the next village where
they were to exhibit The cart was attended only by the person who drove it and
one of the company as the rest of the players were to follow the ensuing day
Good company upon the road says the proverb is the shortest cut I therefore
entered into conversation with the poor player and as I once had some
theatrical powers myself I disserted on such topics with my usual freedom but
as I was pretty much unacquainted with the present state of the stage I
demanded who were the present theatrical writers in vogue who the Drydens and
Otways of the day »I fancy Sir« cried the player »few of our modern
dramatists would think themselves much honoured by being compared to the writers
you mention Dryden and Rows manner Sir are quite out of fashion our taste
has gone back a whole century Fletcher Ben Johnson and all the plays of
Shakespear are the only things that go down« »How« cried I »is it possible
the present age can be pleased with that antiquated dialect that obsolete
humour those overcharged characters which abound in the works you mention«
»Sir« returned my companion »the public think nothing about dialect or
humour or character for that is none of their business they only go to be
amused and find themselves happy when they can enjoy a pantomime under the
sanction of Johnsons or Shakespears name« »So then I suppose« cried I
»that our modern dramatists are rather imitators of Shakespear than of nature«
»To say the truth« returned my companion »I dont know that they imitate any
thing at all nor indeed does the public require it of them it is not the
composition of the piece but the number of starts and attitudes that may be
introduced into it that elicits applause I have known a piece with not one
jest in the whole shrugged into popularity and another saved by the poets
throwing in a fit of the gripes No Sir the works of Congreve and Farquhar
have too much wit in them for the present taste our modern dialect is much more
natural«
By this time the equipage of the strolling company was arrived at the
village which it seems had been apprised of our approach and was come out to
gaze at us for my companion observed that strollers always have more
spectators without doors than within I did not consider the impropriety of my
being in such company till I saw a mob gather about me I therefore took
shelter as fast as possible in the first alehouse that offered and being
shewn into the common room was accosted by a very welldrest gentleman who
demanded whether I was the real chaplain of the company or whether it was only
to be my masquerade character in the play Upon informing him of the truth and
that I did not belong in any sort to the company he was condescending enough to
desire me and the player to partake in a bowl of punch over which he discussed
modern politics with great earnestness and interest I set him down in my mind
for nothing less than a parliamentman at least but was almost confirmed in my
conjectures when upon my asking what there was in the house for supper he
insisted that the player and I should sup with him at his house with which
request after some entreaties we were prevailed on to comply
Chap XIX
The description of a person discontented with the present government and
apprehensive of the loss of our liberties
The house where we were to be entertained lying at a small distance from the
village our inviter observed that as the coach was not ready he would conduct
us on foot and we soon arrived at one of the most magnificent mansions I had
seen in that part of the country The apartment into which we were shewn was
perfectly elegant and modern he went to give orders for supper while the
player with a wink observed that we were perfectly in luck Our entertainer
soon returned an elegant supper was brought in two or three ladies in an easy
deshabille were introduced and the conversation began with some sprightliness
Politics however was the subject on which our entertainer chiefly expatiated
for he asserted that liberty was at once his boast and his terror After the
cloth was removed he asked me if I had seen the last Monitor to which replying
in the negative »What nor the Auditor I suppose« cried he »Neither Sir«
returned I »Thats strange very strange« replied my entertainer »Now I read
all the politics that come out The Daily the Public the Ledger the
Chronicle the London Evening the Whitehall Evening the seventeen magazines
and the two reviews and though they hate each other I love them all Liberty
Sir liberty is the Britons boast and by all my coal mines in Cornwall I
reverence its guardians« »Then it is to be hoped« cried I »you reverence the
king« »Yes« returned my entertainer »when he does what we would have him but
if he goes on as he has done of late Ill never trouble myself more with his
matters I say nothing I think only I could have directed some things better
I dont think there has been a sufficient number of advisers he should advise
with every person willing to give him advice and then we should have things
done in anotherguess manner«
»I wish« cried I »that such intruding advisers were fixed in the pillory
It should be the duty of honest men to assist the weaker side of our
constitution that sacred power that has for some years been every day
declining and losing its due share of influence in the state But these
ignorants still continue the cry of liberty and if they have any weight basely
throw it into the subsiding scale«
»How« cried one of the ladies »do I live to see one so base so sordid as
to be an enemy to liberty and a defender of tyrants Liberty that sacred gift
of heaven that glorious privilege of Britons«
»Can it be possible« cried our entertainer »that there should be any found
at present advocates for slavery Any who are for meanly giving up the
privileges of Britons Can any Sir be so abject«
»No Sir« replied I »I am for liberty that attribute of Gods Glorious
liberty that theme of modern declamation I would have all men kings I would
be a king myself We have all naturally an equal right to the throne we are all
originally equal This is my opinion and was once the opinion of a set of
honest men who were called Levellers They tried to erect themselves into a
community where all should be equally free But alas it would never answer
for there were some among them stronger and some more cunning than others and
these became masters of the rest for as sure as your groom rides your horses
because he is a cunninger animal than they so surely will the animal that is
cunninger or stronger than he sit upon his shoulders in turn Since then it is
entailed upon humanity to submit and some are born to command and others to
obey the question is as there must be tyrants whether it is better to have
them in the same house with us or in the same village or still farther off in
the metropolis Now Sir for my own part as I naturally hate the face of a
tyrant the farther off he is removed from me the better pleased am I The
generality of mankind also are of my way of thinking and have unanimously
created one king whose election at once diminishes the number of tyrants and
puts tyranny at the greatest distance from the greatest number of people Now
the great who were tyrants themselves before the election of one tyrant are
naturally averse to a power raised over them and whose weight must ever lean
heaviest on the subordinate orders It is the interest of the great therefore
to diminish kingly power as much as possible because whatever they take from
that is naturally restored to themselves and all they have to do in the state
is to undermine the single tyrant by which they resume their primæval
authority Now the state may be so circumstanced or its laws may be so
disposed or its men of opulence so minded as all to conspire in carrying on
this business of undermining monarchy For in the first place if the
circumstances of our state be such as to favour the accumulation of wealth and
make the opulent still more rich this will encrease their ambition An
accumulation of wealth however must necessarily be the consequence when as at
present more riches flow in from external commerce than arise from internal
industry for external commerce can only be managed to advantage by the rich
and they have also at the same time all the emoluments arising from internal
industry so that the rich with us have two sources of wealth whereas the
poor have but one For this reason wealth in all commercial states is found to
accumulate and all such have hitherto in time become aristocratical Again the
very laws also of this country may contribute to the accumulation of wealth as
when by their means the natural ties that bind the rich and poor together are
broken and it is ordained that the rich shall only marry with the rich or when
the learned are held unqualified to serve their country as counsellors merely
from a defect of opulence and wealth is thus made the object of a wise mans
ambition by these means I say and such means as these riches will accumulate
Now the possessor of accumulated wealth when furnished with the necessaries and
pleasures of life has no other method to employ the superfluity of his fortune
but in purchasing power That is differently speaking in making dependants by
purchasing the liberty of the needy or the venal of men who are willing to bear
the mortification of contiguous tyranny for bread Thus each very opulent man
generally gathers round him a circle of the poorest of the people and the
polity abounding in accumulated wealth may be compared to a Cartesian system
each orb with a vortex of its own Those however who are willing to move in a
great mans vortex are only such as must be slaves the rabble of mankind
whose souls and whose education are adapted to servitude and who know nothing
of liberty except the name But there must still be a large number of the people
without the sphere of the opulent mans influence namely that order of men
which subsists between the very rich and the very rabble those men who are
possest of too large fortunes to submit to the neighbouring man in power and
yet are too poor to set up for tyranny themselves In this middle order of
mankind are generally to be found all the arts wisdom and virtues of society
This order alone is known to be the true preserver of freedom and may be called
the People Now it may happen that this middle order of mankind may lose all its
influence in a state and its voice be in a manner drowned in that of the
rabble for if the fortune sufficient for qualifying a person at present to give
his voice in state affairs be ten times less than was judged sufficient upon
forming the constitution it is evident that greater numbers of the rabble will
thus be introduced into the political system and they ever moving in the vortex
of the great will follow where greatness shall direct In such a state
therefore all that the middle order has left is to preserve the prerogative
and privileges of the one principal governor with the most sacred
circumspection For he divides the power of the rich and calls off the great
from falling with tenfold weight on the middle order placed beneath them The
middle order may be compared to a town of which the opulent are forming the
siege and which the governor from without is hastening the relief While the
besiegers are in dread of an enemy over them it is but natural to offer the
townsmen the most specious terms to flatter them with sounds and amuse them
with privileges but if they once defeat the governor from behind the walls of
the town will be but a small defence to its inhabitants What they may then
expect may be seen by turning our eyes to Holland Genoa or Venice where the
laws govern the poor and the rich govern the law I am then for and would die
for monarchy sacred monarchy for if there be any thing sacred amongst men it
must be the anointed sovereign of his people and every diminution of his power
in war or in peace is an infringement upon the real liberties of the subject
The sounds of liberty patriotism and Britons have already done much it is to
be hoped that the true sons of freedom will prevent their ever doing more I
have known many of those pretended champions for liberty in my time yet do I
not remember one that was not in his heart and in his family a tyrant«
My warmth I found had lengthened this harangue beyond the rules of good
breeding but the impatience of my entertainer who often strove to interrupt
it could be restrained no longer »What« cried he »then I have been all this
while entertaining a Jesuit in parsons cloaths but by all the coal mines of
Cornwall out he shall pack if my name be Wilkinson« I now found I had gone
too far and asked pardon for the warmth with which I had spoken »Pardon«
returned he in a fury »I think such principles demand ten thousand pardons
What give up liberty property and as the Gazetteer says lie down to be
saddled with wooden shoes Sir I insist upon your marching out of this house
immediately to prevent worse consequences Sir I insist upon it« I was going
to repeat my remonstrances but just then we heard a footmans rap at the door
and the two ladies cried out »As sure as death there is our master and mistress
come home« It seems my entertainer was all this while only the butler who in
his masters absence had a mind to cut a figure and be for a while the
gentleman himself and to say the truth he talked politics as well as most
country gentlemen do But nothing could now exceed my confusion upon seeing the
gentleman and his lady enter nor was their surprize at finding such company
and good cheer less than ours »Gentlemen« cried the real master of the house
to me and my companion »my wife and I are your most humble servants but I
protest this is so unexpected a favour that we almost sink under the
obligation« However unexpected our company might be to them theirs I am sure
was still more so to us and I was struck dumb with the apprehensions of my own
absurdity when whom should I next see enter the room but my dear miss Arabella
Wilmot who was formerly designed to be married to my son George but whose
match was broken off as already related As soon as she saw me she flew to my
arms with the utmost joy »My dear sir« cried she »to what happy accident is
it that we owe so unexpected a visit I am sure my uncle and aunt will be in
raptures when they find they have the good Dr Primrose for their guest« Upon
hearing my name the old gentleman and lady very politely stept up and welcomed
me with most cordial hospitality Nor could they forbear smiling upon being
informed of the nature of my present visit but the unfortunate butler whom
they at first seemed disposed to turn away was at my intercession forgiven
Mr Arnold and his lady to whom the house belonged now insisted upon
having the pleasure of my stay for some days and as their niece my charming
pupil whose mind in some measure had been formed under my own instructions
joined in their entreaties I complied That night I was shewn to a magnificent
chamber and the next morning early Miss Wilmot desired to walk with me in the
garden which was decorated in the modern manner After some time spent in
pointing out the beauties of the place she enquired with seeming unconcern
when last I had heard from my son George »Alas Madam« cried I »he has now
been near three years absent without ever writing to his friends or me Where
he is I know not perhaps I shall never see him or happiness more No my dear
Madam we shall never more see such pleasing hours as were once spent by our
fireside at Wakefield My little family are now dispersing very fast and
poverty has brought not only want but infamy upon us« The goodnatured girl
let fall a tear at this account but as I saw her possessed of too much
sensibility I forbore a more minute detail of our sufferings It was however
some consolation to me to find that time had made no alteration in her
affections and that she had rejected several matches that had been made her
since our leaving her part of the country She led me round all the extensive
improvements of the place pointing to the several walks and arbours and at the
same time catching from every object a hint for some new question relative to my
son In this manner we spent the forenoon till the bell summoned us in to
dinner where we found the manager of the strolling company that I mentioned
before who was come to dispose of tickets for the Fair Penitent which was to
be acted that evening the part of Horatio by a young gentleman who had never
appeared on any stage He seemed to be very warm in the praises of the new
performer and averred that he never saw any who bid so fair for excellence
Acting he observed was not learned in a day »But this gentleman« continued
he »seems born to tread the stage His voice his figure and attitudes are
all admirable We caught him up accidentally in our journey down« This account
in some measure excited our curiosity and at the entreaty of the ladies I
was prevailed upon to accompany them to the playhouse which was no other than
a barn As the company with which I went was incontestably the chief of the
place we were received with the greatest respect and placed in the front seat
of the theatre where we sate for some time with no small impatience to see
Horatio make his appearance The new performer advanced at last and let parents
think of my sensations by their own when I found it was my unfortunate son He
was going to begin when turning his eyes upon the audience he perceived Miss
Wilmot and me and stood at once speechless and immoveable The actors behind
the scene who ascribed this pause to his natural timidity attempted to
encourage him but instead of going on he burst into a flood of tears and
retired off the stage I dont know what were my feelings on this occasion for
they succeeded with too much rapidity for description but I was soon awaked
from this disagreeable reverie by Miss Wilmot who pale and with a trembling
voice desired me to conduct her back to her uncles When got home Mr Arnold
who was as yet a stranger to our extraordinary behaviour being informed that
the new performer was my son sent his coach and an invitation for him and as
he persisted in his refusal to appear again upon the stage the players put
another in his place and we soon had him with us Mr Arnold gave him the
kindest reception and I received him with my usual transport for I could never
counterfeit false resentment Miss Wilmots reception was mixed with seeming
neglect and yet I could perceive she acted a studied part The tumult in her
mind seemed not yet abated she said twenty giddy things that looked like joy
and then laughed loud at her own want of meaning At intervals she would take a
sly peep at the glass as if happy in the consciousness of unresisting beauty
and often would ask questions without giving any manner of attention to the
answers
Chap XX
The history of a philosophic vagabond pursuing novelty but losing content
After we had supped Mrs Arnold politely offered to send a couple of her
footmen for my sons baggage which he at first seemed to decline but upon her
pressing the request he was obliged to inform her that a stick and a wallet
were all the moveable things upon this earth that he could boast of »Why aye
my son« cried I »you left me but poor and poor I find you are come back and
yet I make no doubt you have seen a great deal of the world« »Yes Sir«
replied my son »but travelling after fortune is not the way to secure her
and indeed of late I have desisted from the pursuit« »I fancy Sir« cried
Mrs Arnold »that the account of your adventures would be amusing the first
part of them I have often heard from my niece but could the company prevail for
the rest it would be an additional obligation« »Madam« replied my son »I
promise you the pleasure you have in hearing will not be half so great as my
vanity in repeating them and yet in the whole narrative I can scarce promise
you one adventure as my account is rather of what I saw than what I did The
first misfortune of my life which you all know was great but tho it
distrest it could not sink me No person ever had a better knack at hoping than
I The less kind I found fortune at one time the more I expected from her
another and being now at the bottom of her wheel every new revolution might
lift but could not depress me I proceeded therefore towards London in a fine
morning no way uneasy about tomorrow but chearful as the birds that carolld
by the road and comforted myself with reflecting that London was the mart
where abilities of every kind were sure of meeting distinction and reward
Upon my arrival in town Sir my first care was to deliver your letter of
recommendation to our cousin who was himself in little better circumstances
than I My first scheme you know Sir was to be usher at an academy and I
asked his advice on the affair Our cousin received the proposal with a true
Sardonic grin Aye cried he this is indeed a very pretty career that has been
chalked out for you I have been an usher at a boarding school myself and may I
die by an anodyne necklace but I had rather be an under turnkey in Newgate I
was up early and late I was browbeat by the master hated for my ugly face by
the mistress worried by the boys within and never permitted to stir out to
meet civility abroad But are you sure you are fit for a school Let me examine
you a little Have you been bred apprentice to the business No Then you wont
do for a school Can you dress the boys hair No Then you wont do for a
school Have you had the smallpox No Then you wont do for a school Can you
lie three in a bed No Then you will never do for a school Have you got a good
stomach Yes Then you will by no means do for a school No Sir if you are for
a genteel easy profession bind yourself seven years as an apprentice to turn a
cutlers wheel but avoid a school by any means Yet come continued he I see
you are a lad of spirit and some learning what do you think of commencing
author like me You have read in books no doubt of men of genius starving at
the trade At present Ill shew you forty very dull fellows about town that live
by it in opulence All honest joggtrot men who go on smoothly and dully and
write history and politics and are praised men Sir who had they been bred
coblers would all their lives have only mended shoes but never made them
Finding that there was no great degree of gentility affixed to the character
of an usher I resolved to accept his proposal and having the highest respect
for literature hailed the antiqua mater of Grubstreet with reverence I thought
it my glory to pursue a track which Dryden and Otway trod before me I
considered the goddess of this region as the parent of excellence and however
an intercourse with the world might give us good sense the poverty she granted
I supposed to be the nurse of genius Big with these reflections I sate down
and finding that the best things remained to be said on the wrong side I
resolved to write a book that should be wholly new I therefore drest up three
paradoxes with some ingenuity They were false indeed but they were new The
jewels of truth have been so often imported by others that nothing was left for
me to import but some splendid things that at a distance looked every bit as
well Witness you powers what fancied importance sate perched upon my quill
while I was writing The whole learned world I made no doubt would rise to
oppose my systems but then I was prepared to oppose the whole learned world
Like the porcupine I sate self collected with a quill pointed against every
opposer«
»Well said my boy« cried I »and what subject did you treat upon I hope
you did not pass over the importance of Monogamy But I interrupt go on you
published your paradoxes well and what did the learned world say to your
paradoxes«
»Sir« replied my son »the learned world said nothing to my paradoxes
nothing at all Sir Every man of them was employed in praising his friends and
himself or condemning his enemies and unfortunately as I had neither I
suffered the cruellest mortification neglect
As I was meditating one day in a coffeehouse on the fate of my paradoxes a
little man happening to enter the room placed himself in the box before me and
after some preliminary discourse finding me to be a scholar drew out a bundle
of proposals begging me to subscribe to a new edition he was going to give the
world of Propertius with notes This demand necessarily produced a reply that I
had no money and that concession led him to enquire into the nature of my
expectations Finding that my expectations were just as great as my purse I
see cried he you are unacquainted with the town Ill teach you a part of it
Look at these proposals upon these very proposals I have subsisted very
comfortably for twelve years The moment a nobleman returns from his travels a
Creolian arrives from Jamaica or a dowager from her country seat I strike for
a subscription I first besiege their hearts with flattery and then pour in my
proposals at the breach If they subscribe readily the first time I renew my
request to beg a dedication fee If they let me have that I smite them once
more for engraving their coat of arms at the top Thus continued he I live by
vanity and laugh at it But between ourselves I am now too well known I
should be glad to borrow your face a bit a nobleman of distinction has just
returned from Italy my face is familiar to his porter but if you bring this
copy of verses my life for it you succeed and we divide the spoil«
»Bless us George« cried I »and is this the employment of poets now Do
men of their exalted talents thus stoop to beggary Can they so far disgrace
their calling as to make a vile traffic of praise for bread«
»O no Sir« returned he »a true poet can never be so base for wherever
there is genius there is pride The creatures I now describe are only beggars in
rhyme The real poet as he braves every hardship for fame so he is equally a
coward to contempt and none but those who are unworthy protection condescend to
solicit it
Having a mind too proud to stoop to such indignities and yet a fortune too
humble to hazard a second attempt for fame I was now obliged to take a middle
course and write for bread But I was unqualified for a profession where mere
industry alone was to ensure success I could not suppress my lurking passion
for applause but usually consumed that time in efforts after excellence which
takes up but little room when it should have been more advantageously employed
in the diffusive productions of fruitful mediocrity My little piece would
therefore come forth in the mist of periodical publication unnoticed and
unknown The public were more importantly employed than to observe the easy
simplicity of my style or the harmony of my periods Sheet after sheet was
thrown off to oblivion My essays were buried among the essays upon liberty
eastern tales and cures for the bite of a mad dog while Philautos
Philalethes Philelutheros and Philanthropos all wrote better because they
wrote faster than I
Now therefore I began to associate with none but disappointed authors
like myself who praised deplored and despised each other The satisfaction we
found in every celebrated writers attempts was inversely as their merits I
found that no genius in another could please me My unfortunate paradoxes had
entirely dried up that source of comfort I could neither read nor write with
satisfaction for excellence in another was my aversion and writing was my
trade
In the midst of these gloomy reflections as I was one day sitting on a
bench in St Jamess park a young gentleman of distinction who had been my
intimate acquaintance at the university approached me We saluted each other
with some hesitation he almost ashamed of being known to one who made so shabby
an appearance and I afraid of a repulse But my suspicions soon vanished for
Ned Thornhill was at the bottom a very goodnatured fellow«
»What did you say George « interrupted I »Thornhill was not that his
name It can certainly be no other than my landlord« »Bless me« cried Mrs
Arnold »is Mr Thornhill so near a neighbour of yours He has long been a
friend in our family and we expect a visit from him shortly«
»My friends first care« continued my son »was to alter my appearance by a
very fine suit of his own cloaths and then I was admitted to his table upon the
footing of halffriend halfunderling My business was to attend him at
auctions to put him in spirits when he sate for his picture to take the left
hand in his chariot when not filled by another and to assist at tattering a
kip as the phrase was when we had a mind for a frolic Beside this I had
twenty other little employments in the family I was to do many small things
without bidding to carry the cork screw to stand godfather to all the butlers
children to sing when I was bid to be never out of humour always to be
humble and if I could to be very happy
In this honourable post however I was not without a rival A captain of
marines who was formed for the place by nature opposed me in my patrons
affections His mother had been laundress to a man of quality and thus he early
acquired a taste for pimping and pedigree As this gentleman made it the study
of his life to be acquainted with lords though he was dismissed from several
for his stupidity yet he found many of them who were as dull as himself that
permitted his assiduities As flattery was his trade he practised it with the
easiest address imaginable but it came aukward and stiff from me and as every
day my patrons desire of flattery encreased so every hour being better
acquainted with his defects I became more unwilling to give it Thus I was once
more fairly going to give up the field to the captain when my friend found
occasion for my assistance This was nothing less than to fight a duel for him
with a gentleman whose sister it was pretended he had used ill I readily
complied with his request and tho I see you are displeased at my conduct yet
as it was a debt indispensably due to friendship I could not refuse I
undertook the affair disarmed my antagonist and soon after had the pleasure of
finding that the lady was only a woman of the town and the fellow her bully and
a sharper This piece of service was repaid with the warmest professions of
gratitude but as my friend was to leave town in a few days he knew no other
method of serving me but by recommending me to his uncle Sir William Thornhill
and another nobleman of great distinction who enjoyed a post under the
government When he was gone my first care was to carry his recommendatory
letter to his uncle a man whose character for every virtue was universal yet
just I was received by his servants with the most hospitable smiles for the
looks of the domestics ever transmit their masters benevolence Being shewn
into a grand apartment where Sir William soon came to me I delivered my
message and letter which he read and after pausing some minutes Pray Sir
cried he inform me what you have done for my kinsman to deserve this warm
recommendation But I suppose Sir I guess your merits you have fought for
him and so you would expect a reward from me for being the instrument of his
vices I wish sincerely wish that my present refusal may be some punishment
for your guilt but still more that it may be some inducement to your
repentance The severity of this rebuke I bore patiently because I knew it
was just My whole expectations now therefore lay in my letter to the great
man As the doors of the nobility are almost ever beset with beggars all ready
to thrust in some sly petition I found it no easy matter to gain admittance
However after bribing the servants with half my worldly fortune I was at last
shewn into a spacious apartment my letter being previously sent up for his
lordships inspection During this anxious interval I had full time to look
round me Every thing was grand and of happy contrivance the paintings the
furniture the gildings petrified me with awe and raised my idea of the owner
Ah thought I to myself how very great must the possessor of all these things
be who carries in his head the business of the state and whose house displays
half the wealth of a kingdom sure his genius must be unfathomable During these
awful reflections I heard a step come heavily forward Ah this is the great man
himself No it was only a chambermaid Another foot was heard soon after This
must be He No it was only the great mans valet de chambre At last his
lordship actually made his appearance Are you cried he the bearer of this
here letter I answered with a bow I learn by this continued he as how that
But just at that instant a servant delivered him a card and without taking
farther notice he went out of the room and left me to digest my own happiness
at leisure I saw no more of him till told by a footman that his lordship was
going to his coach at the door Down I immediately followed and joined my voice
to that of three or four more who came like me to petition for favours His
lordship however went too fast for us and was gaining his Chariot door with
large strides when I hallowed out to know if I was to have any reply He was by
this time got in and muttered an answer half of which only I heard the other
half was lost in the rattling of his chariot wheels I stood for some time with
my neck stretched out in the posture of one that was listening to catch the
glorious sounds till looking round me I found myself alone at his lordships
gate
My patience« continued my son »was now quite exhausted stung with the
thousand indignities I had met with I was willing to cast myself away and only
wanted the gulph to receive me I regarded myself as one of those vile things
that nature designed should be thrown by into her lumber room there to perish
in obscurity I had still however half a guinea left and of that I thought
fortune herself should not deprive me but in order to be sure of this I was
resolved to go instantly and spend it while I had it and then trust to
occurrences for the rest As I was going along with this resolution it happened
that Mr Cripses office seemed invitingly open to give me a welcome reception
In this office Mr Cripse kindly offers all his majestys subjects a generous
promise of 30 l a year for which promise all they give in return is their
liberty for life and permission to let him transport them to America as slaves
I was happy at finding a place where I could lose my fears in desperation and
entered this cell for it had the appearance of one with the devotion of a
monastic Here I found a number of poor creatures all in circumstances like
myself expecting the arrival of Mr Cripse presenting a true epitome of
English impatience Each untractable soul at variance with fortune wreaked her
injuries on their own hearts but Mr Cripse at last came down and all our
murmurs were hushed He deigned to regard me with an air of peculiar
approbation and indeed he was the first man who for a month past talked to me
with smiles After a few questions he found I was fit for every thing in the
world He paused a while upon the properest means of providing for me and
slapping his forehead as if he had found it assured me that there was at that
time an embassy talked of from the synod of Pensylvania to the Chickasaw
Indians and that he would use his interest to get me made secretary I knew in
my own heart that the fellow lied and yet his promise gave me pleasure there
was something so magnificent in the sound I fairly therefore divided my half
guinea one half of which went to be added to his thirty thousand pound and
with the other half I resolved to go to the next tavern to be there more happy
than he
As I was going out with that resolution I was met at the door by the
captain of a ship with whom I had formerly some little acquaintance and he
agreed to be my companion over a bowl of punch As I never chose to make a
secret of my circumstances he assured me that I was upon the very point of
ruin in listening to the officekeepers promises for that he only designed to
sell me to the plantations But continued he I fancy you might by a much
shorter voyage be very easily put into a genteel way of bread Take my advice
My ship sails tomorrow for Amsterdam What if you go in her as a passenger The
moment you land all you have to do is to teach the Dutchmen English and Ill
warrant youll get pupils and money enough I suppose you understand English
added he by this time or the deuce is in it I confidently assured him of
that but expressed a doubt whether the Dutch would be willing to learn English
He affirmed with an oath that they were fond of it to distraction and upon that
affirmation I agreed with his proposal and embarked the next day to teach the
Dutch English in Holland The wind was fair our voyage short and after having
paid my passage with half my moveables I found myself fallen as from the
skies a stranger in one of the principal streets of Amsterdam In this
situation I was unwilling to let any time pass unemployed in teaching I
addressed myself therefore to two or three of those I met whose appearance
seemed most promising but it was impossible to make ourselves mutually
understood It was not till this very moment I recollected that in order to
teach Dutchmen English it was necessary that they should first teach me Dutch
How I came to overlook so obvious an objection is to me amazing but certain it
is I overlooked it
This scheme thus blown up I had some thoughts of fairly shipping back to
England again but happening into company with an Irish student who was
returning from Louvain our conversation turning upon topics of literature for
by the way it may be observed that I always forgot the meanness of my
circumstances when I could converse upon such subjects from him I learned that
there were not two men in his whole university who understood Greek This amazed
me I instantly resolved to travel to Louvain and there live by teaching Greek
and in this design I was heartened by my brother student who threw out some
hints that a fortune might be got by it
I set boldly forward the next morning Every day lessened the burthen of my
moveables like Æsop and his basket of bread for I paid them for my lodgings to
the Dutch as I travelled on When I came to Louvain I was resolved not to go
sneaking to the lower professors but openly tendered my talents to the
principal himself I went had admittance and offered him my service as a
master of the Greek language which I had been told was a desideratum in his
university The principal seemed at first to doubt of my abilities but of these
I offered to convince him by turning a part of any Greek author he should fix
upon into Latin Finding me perfectly earnest in my proposal he addressed me
thus You see me young man continued he I never learned Greek and I dont
find that I have ever missed it I have had a doctors cap and gown without
Greek I have ten thousand florins a year without Greek I eat heartily without
Greek and in short continued he as I dont know Greek I do not believe there
is any good in it
I was now too far from home to think of returning so I resolved to go
forward I had some knowledge of music with a tolerable voice and now turned
what was once my amusement into a present means of subsistence I passed among
the harmless peasants of Flanders and among such of the French as were poor
enough to be very merry for I ever found them sprightly in proportion to their
wants Whenever I approached a peasants house towards nightfall I played one
of my most merry tunes and that procured me not only a lodging but subsistence
for the next day I once or twice attempted to play for people of fashion but
they always thought my performance odious and never rewarded me even with a
trifle This was to me the more extraordinary as whenever I used in better days
to play for company when playing was my amusement my music never failed to
throw them into raptures and the ladies especially but as it was now my only
means it was received with contempt a proof how ready the world is to under
rate those talents by which a man is supported
In this manner I proceeded to Paris with no design but just to look about
me and then to go forward The people of Paris are much fonder of strangers
that have money than of those that have wit As I could not boast much of
either I was no great favourite After walking about the town four or five
days and seeing the outsides of the best houses I was preparing to leave this
retreat of venal hospitality when passing through one of the principal streets
whom should I meet but our cousin to whom you first recommended me This
meeting was very agreeable to me and I believe not displeasing to him He
enquired into the nature of my journey to Paris and informed me of his own
business there which was to collect pictures medals intaglios and antiques
of all kinds for a gentleman in London who had just stept into taste and a
large fortune I was the more surprised at seeing our cousin pitched upon for
this office as he himself had often assured me he knew nothing of the matter
Upon my asking how he had been taught the art of a connoscento so very suddenly
he assured me that nothing was more easy The whole secret consisted in a strict
adherence to two rules the one always to observe that the picture might have
been better if the painter had taken more pains and the other to praise the
works of Pietro Perugino But says he as I once taught you how to be an author
in London Ill now undertake to instruct you in the art of picture buying at
Paris
With this proposal I very readily closed as it was a living and now all my
ambition was to live I went therefore to his lodgings improved my dress by his
assistance and after some time accompanied him to auctions of pictures where
the English gentry were expected to be purchasers I was not a little surprised
at his intimacy with people of the best fashion who referred themselves to his
judgment upon every picture or medal as to an unerring standard of taste He
made very good use of my assistance upon these occasions for when asked his
opinion he would gravely take me aside and ask mine shrug look wise return
and assure the company that he could give no opinion upon an affair of so much
importance Yet there was sometimes an occasion for a more supported assurance
I remember to have seen him after giving his opinion that the colouring of a
picture was not mellow enough very deliberately take a brush with brown
varnish that was accidentally lying by and rub it over the piece with great
composure before all the company and then ask if he had not improved the tints
When he had finished his commission in Paris he left me strongly
recommended to several men of distinction as a person very proper for a
travelling tutor and after some time I was employed in that capacity by a
gentleman who brought his ward to Paris in order to set him forward on his tour
through Europe I was to be the young gentlemans governor but with a proviso
that he should always be permitted to govern himself My pupil in fact
understood the art of guiding in money concerns much better than I He was heir
to a fortune of about two hundred thousand pounds left him by an uncle in the
West Indies and his guardians to qualify him for the management of it had
bound him apprentice to an attorney Thus avarice was his prevailing passion
all his questions on the road were how money might be saved which was the least
expensive course of travel whether any thing could be bought that would turn to
account when disposed of again in London Such curiosities on the way as could
be seen for nothing he was ready enough to look at but if the sight of them was
to be paid for he usually asserted that he had been told they were not worth
seeing He never paid a bill that he would not observe how amazingly expensive
travelling was and all this though he was not yet twentyone When arrived at
Leghorn as we took a walk to look at the port and shipping he enquired the
expence of the passage by sea home to England This he was informed was but a
trifle compared to his returning by land he was therefore unable to withstand
the temptation so paying me the small part of my salary that was due he took
leave and embarked with only one attendant for London
I now therefore was left once more upon the world at large but then it was
a thing I was used to However my skill in music could avail me nothing in a
country where every peasant was a better musician than I but by this time I had
acquired another talent which answered my purpose as well and this was a skill
in disputation In all the foreign universities and convents there are upon
certain days philosophical theses maintained against every adventitious
disputant for which if the champion opposes with any dexterity he can claim a
gratuity in money a dinner and a bed for one night In this manner therefore I
fought my way towards England walked along from city to city examined mankind
more nearly and if I may so express it saw both sides of the picture My
remarks however are but few I found that monarchy was the best government for
the poor to live in and commonwealths for the rich I found that riches in
general were in every country another name for freedom and that no man is so
fond of liberty himself as not to be desirous of subjecting the will of some
individuals in society to his own
Upon my arrival in England I resolved to pay my respects first to you and
then to enlist as a volunteer in the first expedition that was going forward
but on my journey down my resolutions were changed by meeting an old
acquaintance who I found belonged to a company of comedians that were going to
make a summer campaign in the country The company seemed not much to disapprove
of me for an associate They all however apprized me of the importance of the
task at which I aimed that the public was a many headed monster and that only
such as had very good heads could please it that acting was not to be learnt in
a day and that without some traditional shrugs which had been on the stage
and only on the stage these hundred years I could never pretend to please The
next difficulty was in fitting me with parts as almost every character was in
keeping I was driven for some time from one character to another till at last
Horatio was fixed upon which the presence of the present company has happily
hindered me from acting«
Chap XXI
The short continuance of friendship amongst the vicious which is coeval only
with mutual satisfaction
My sons account was too long to be delivered at once the first part of it was
begun that night and he was concluding the rest after dinner the next day when
the appearance of Mr Thornhills equipage at the door seemed to make a pause in
the general satisfaction The butler who was now become my friend in the
family informed me with a whisper that the Squire had already made some
overtures to Miss Wilmot and that her aunt and uncle seemed highly to approve
the match Upon Mr Thornhills entering he seemed at seeing my son and me to
start back but I readily imputed that to surprize and not displeasure
However upon our advancing to salute him he returned our greeting with the
most apparent candour and after a short time his presence served only to
encrease the general good humour
After tea he called me aside to enquire after my daughter but upon my
informing him that my enquiry was unsuccessful he seemed greatly surprised
adding that he had been since frequently at my house in order to comfort the
rest of my family whom he left perfectly well He then asked if I had
communicated her misfortune to Miss Wilmot or my son and upon my replying that
I had not told them as yet he greatly approved my prudence and precaution
desiring me by all means to keep it a secret »For at best« cried he »it is
but divulging ones own infamy and perhaps Miss Livy may not be so guilty as we
all imagine« We were here interrupted by a servant who came to ask the Squire
in to stand up at country dances so that he left me quite pleased with the
interest he seemed to take in my concerns His addresses however to Miss
Wilmot were too obvious to be mistaken and yet she seemed not perfectly
pleased but bore them rather in compliance to the will of her aunt than from
real inclination I had even the satisfaction to see her lavish some kind looks
upon my unfortunate son which the other could neither extort by his fortune nor
assiduity Mr Thornhills seeming composure however not a little surprised
me we had now continued here a week at the pressing instances of Mr Arnold
but each day the more tenderness Miss Wilmot shewed my son Mr Thornhills
friendship seemed proportionably to encrease for him
He had formerly made us the most kind assurances of using his interest to
serve the family but now his generosity was not confined to promises alone the
morning I designed for my departure Mr Thornhill came to me with looks of real
pleasure to inform me of a piece of service he had done for his friend George
This was nothing less than his having procured him an ensigns commission in one
of the regiments that was going to the West Indies for which he had promised
but one hundred pounds his interest having been sufficient to get an abatement
of the other two »As for this trifling piece of service« continued the young
gentleman »I desire no other reward but the pleasure of having served my
friend and as for the hundred pound to be paid if you are unable to raise it
yourselves I will advance it and you shall repay me at your leisure« This was
a favour we wanted words to express our sense of I readily therefore gave my
bond for the money and testified as much gratitude as if I never intended to
pay
George was to depart for town the next day to secure his commission in
pursuance of his generous patrons directions who judged it highly expedient to
use dispatch lest in the mean time another should step in with more
advantageous proposals The next morning therefore our young soldier was early
prepared for his departure and seemed the only person among us that was not
affected by it Neither the fatigues and dangers he was going to encounter nor
the friends and mistress for Miss Wilmot actually loved him he was leaving
behind any way damped his spirits After he had taken leave of the rest of the
company I gave him all I had my blessing »And now my boy« cried I »thou
art going to fight for thy country remember how thy brave grandfather fought
for his sacred king when loyalty among Britons was a virtue Go my boy and
immitate him in all but his misfortunes if it was a misfortune to die with Lord
Falkland Go my boy and if you fall tho distant exposed and unwept by those
that love you the most precious tears are those with which heaven bedews the
unburied head of a soldier«
The next morning I took leave of the good family that had been kind enough
to entertain me so long not without several expressions of gratitude to Mr
Thornhill for his late bounty I left them in the enjoyment of all that
happiness which affluence and good breeding procure and returned towards home
despairing of ever finding my daughter more but sending a sigh to heaven to
spare and to forgive her I was now come within about twenty miles of home
having hired an horse to carry me as I was yet but weak and comforted myself
with the hopes of soon seeing all I held dearest upon earth But the night
coming on I put up at a little publichouse by the roadside and asked for the
landlords company over a pint of wine We sate beside his kitchen fire which
was the best room in the house and chatted on politics and the news of the
country We happened among other topics to talk of young Squire Thornhill
who the host assured me was hated as much as his uncle Sir William who
sometimes came down to the country was loved He went on to observe that he
made it his whole study to betray the daughters of such as received him to their
houses and after a fortnight or three weeks possession turned them out
unrewarded and abandoned to the world As we continued our discourse in this
manner his wife who had been out to get change returned and perceiving that
her husband was enjoying a pleasure in which she was not a sharer she asked
him in an angry tone what he did there to which he only replied in an
ironical way by drinking her health »Mr Symmonds« cried she »you use me
very ill and Ill bear it no longer Here three parts of the business is left
for me to do and the fourth left unfinished while you do nothing but soak with
the guests all day long whereas if a spoonful of liquor were to cure me of a
fever I never touch a drop« I now found what she would be at and immediately
poured her out a glass which she received with a curtesy and drinking towards
my good health »Sir« resumed she »it is not so much for the value of the
liquor I am angry but one cannot help it when the house is going out of the
windows If the customers or guests are to be dunned all the burthen lies upon
my back hed as lief eat that glass as budge after them himself There now
above stairs we have a young woman who has come to take up her lodgings here
and I dont believe she has got any money by her overcivility I am certain she
is very slow of payment and I wish she were put in mind of it« »What
signifies minding her« cried the host »if she be slow she is sure« »I
dont know that« replied the wife »but I know that I am sure she has been here
a fortnight and we have not yet seen the cross of her money« »I suppose my
dear« cried he »we shall have it all in a lump« »In a lump« cried the
other »I hope we may get it any way and that I am resolved we will this very
night or out she tramps bag and baggage« »Consider my dear« cried the
husband »she is a gentlewoman and deserves more respect« »As for the matter
of that« returned the hostess »gentle or simple out she shall pack with a
sassarara Gentry may be good things where they take but for my part I never
saw much good of them at the sign of the Harrow« Thus saying she ran up a
narrow flight of stairs that went from the kitchen to a room overhead and I
soon perceived by the loudness of her voice and the bitterness of her
reproaches that no money was to be had from her lodger I could hear her
remonstrances very distinctly »Out I say pack out this moment tramp thou
infamous strumpet or Ill give thee a mark thou wont be the better for this
three months What you trumpery to come and take up an honest house without
cross or coin to bless yourself with come along I say« »O dear madam« cried
the stranger »pity me pity a poor abandoned creature for one night and death
will soon do the rest« I instantly knew the voice of my poor ruined child
Olivia I flew to her rescue while the woman was dragging her along by the
hair and I caught the dear forlorn wretch in my arms »Welcome any way
welcome my dearest lost one my treasure to your poor old fathers bosom Tho
the vicious forsake thee there is yet one in the world that will never forsake
thee tho thou hadst ten thousand crimes to answer for he will forget them
all« »O my own dear« for minutes she could no more »my own dearest good
papa Could angels be kinder How do I deserve so much The villain I hate him
and myself to be a reproach to such goodness You cant forgive me I know you
cannot« »Yes my child from my heart I do forgive thee Only repent and we
both shall yet be happy We shall see many pleasant days yet my Olivia« »Ah
never sir never The rest of my wretched life must be infamy abroad and shame
at home But alas papa you look much paler than you used to do Could such a
thing as I am give you so much uneasiness Sure you have too much wisdom to take
the miseries of my guilt upon yourself« »Our wisdom young woman« replied I
»Ah why so cold a name papa« cried she »This is the first time you ever
called me by so cold a name« »I ask pardon my darling« returned I »but I
was going to observe that wisdom makes but a slow defence against trouble
though at last a sure one«
The landlady now returned to know if we did not chuse a more genteel
apartment to which assenting we were shewn a room where we could converse
more freely After we had talked ourselves into some degree of tranquillity I
could not avoid desiring some account of the gradations that led to her present
wretched situation »That villain sir« said she »from the first day of our
meeting made me honourable though private proposals«
»Villain indeed« cried I »and yet it in some measure surprizes me how a
person of Mr Burchells good sense and seeming honour could be guilty of such
deliberate baseness and thus step into a family to undo it«
»My dear papa« returned my daughter »you labour under a strange mistake
Mr Burchell never attempted to deceive me Instead of that he took every
opportunity of privately admonishing me against the artifices of Mr Thornhill
who I now find was even worse than he represented him« »Mr Thornhill«
interrupted I »can it be« »Yes Sir« returned she »it was Mr Thornhill
who seduced me who employed the two ladies as he called them but who in
fact were abandoned women of the town without breeding or pity to decoy us up
to London Their artifices you may remember would have certainly succeeded but
for Mr Burchells letter who directed those reproaches at them which we all
applied to ourselves How he came to have so much influence as to defeat their
intentions still remains a secret to me but I am convinced he was ever our
warmest sincerest friend«
»You amaze me my dear« cried I »but now I find my first suspicions of Mr
Thornhills baseness were too well grounded but he can triumph in security for
he is rich and we are poor But tell me my child sure it was no small
temptation that could thus obliterate all the impressions of such an education
and so virtuous a disposition as thine«
»Indeed Sir« replied she »he owes all his triumph to the desire I had of
making him and not myself happy I knew that the ceremony of our marriage
which was privately performed by a popish priest was no way binding and that I
had nothing to trust to but his honour« »What« interrupted I »and were you
indeed married by a priest and in orders« »Indeed Sir we were« replied
she »though we were both sworn to conceal his name« »Why then my child
come to my arms again and now you are a thousand times more welcome than
before for you are now his wife to all intents and purposes nor can all the
laws of man tho written upon tables of adamant lessen the force of that
sacred connexion«
»Alas Papa« replied she »you are but little acquainted with his
villainies he has been married already by the same priest to six or eight
wives more whom like me he has deceived and abandoned«
»Has he so « cried I »then we must hang the priest and you shall inform
against him tomorrow« »But Sir« returned she »will that be right when I
am sworn to secrecy « »My dear« I replied »if you have made such a promise
I cannot nor will I tempt you to break it Even tho it may benefit the public
you must not inform against him In all human institutions a smaller evil is
allowed to procure a greater good as in politics a province may be given away
to secure a kingdom in medicine a limb may be lopt off to preserve the body
But in religion the law is written and inflexible never to do evil And this
law my child is right for otherwise if we commit a smaller evil to procure
a greater good certain guilt would be thus incurred in expectation of
contingent advantage And though the advantage should certainly follow yet the
interval between commission and advantage which is allowed to be guilty may be
that in which we are called away to answer for the things we have done and the
volume of human actions is closed for ever But I interrupt you my dear go
on«
»The very next morning« continued she »I found what little expectations I
was to have from his sincerity That very morning he introduced me to two
unhappy women more whom like me he had deceived but who lived in contented
prostitution I loved him too tenderly to bear such rivals in his affections
and strove to forget my infamy in a tumult of pleasures With this view I
danced dressed and talked but still was unhappy The gentlemen who visited
there told me every moment of the power of my charms and this only contributed
to encrease my melancholy as I had thrown all their power quite away Thus each
day I grew more pensive and he more insolent till at last the monster had the
assurance to offer me to a young Baronet of his acquaintance Need I describe
Sir how his ingratitude stung me My answer to this proposal was almost
madness I desired to part As I was going he offered me a purse but I flung it
at him with indignation and burst from him in a rage that for a while kept me
insensible of the miseries of my situation But I soon looked round me and saw
myself a vile abject guilty thing without one friend in the world to apply
to
Just in that interval a stagecoach happening to pass by I took a place
it being my only aim to be driven at a distance from a wretch I despised and
detested I was set down here where since my arrival my own anxiety and this
womans unkindness have been my only companions The hours of pleasure that I
have passed with my mamma and sister now grow painful to me Their sorrows are
much but mine is greater than theirs for mine are mixed with guilt and
infamy«
»Have patience my child« cried I »and I hope things will yet be better
Take some repose tonight and tomorrow Ill carry you home to your mother and
the rest of the family from whom you will receive a kind reception Poor woman
this has gone to her heart but she loves you still Olivia and will forget
it«
Chap XXII
Offences are easily pardoned where there is love at bottom
The next morning I took my daughter behind me and set out on my return home As
we travelled along I strove by every persuasion to calm her sorrows and
fears and to arm her with resolution to bear the presence of her offended
mother I took every opportunity from the prospect of a fine country through
which we passed to observe how much kinder heaven was to us than we to each
other and that the misfortunes of natures making were very few I assured her
that she should never perceive any change in my affections and that during my
life which yet might be long she might depend upon a guardian and an
instructor I armed her against the censures of the world shewed her that books
were sweet unreproaching companions to the miserable and that if they could not
bring us to enjoy life they would at least teach us to endure it
The hired horse that we rode was to be put up that night at an inn by the
way within about five miles from my house and as I was willing to prepare my
family for my daughters reception I determined to leave her that night at the
inn and to return for her accompanied by my daughter Sophia early the next
morning It was night before we reached our appointed stage however after
seeing her provided with a decent apartment and having ordered the hostess to
prepare proper refreshments I kissed her and proceeded towards home And now
my heart caught new sensations of pleasure the nearer I approached that peaceful
mansion As a bird that had been frighted from its nest my affections outwent
my haste and hovered round my little fireside with all the rapture of
expectation I called up the many fond things I had to say and anticipated the
welcome I was to receive I already felt my wifes tender embrace and smiled at
the joy of my little ones As I walked but slowly the night wained apace The
labourers of the day were all retired to rest the lights were out in every
cottage no sounds were heard but of the shrilling cock and the deepmouthed
watchdog at hollow distance I approached my little abode of pleasure and
before I was within a furlong of the place our honest mastiff came running to
welcome me
It was now near midnight that I came to knock at my door all was still and
silent my heart dilated with unutterable happiness when to my amazement I
saw the house bursting out in a blaze of fire and every apperture red with
conflagration I gave a loud convulsive outcry and fell upon the pavement
insensible This alarmed my son who had till this been asleep and he
perceiving the flames instantly waked my wife and daughter and all running
out naked and wild with apprehension recalled me to life with their anguish
But it was only to objects of new terror for the flames had by this time
caught the roof of our dwelling part after part continuing to fall in while
the family stood with silent agony looking on as if they enjoyed the blaze I
gazed upon them and upon it by turns and then looked round me for my two little
ones but they were not to be seen O misery »Where« cried I »where are my
little ones« »They are burnt to death in the flames« says my wife calmly
»and I will die with them« That moment I heard the cry of the babes within
who were just awaked by the fire and nothing could have stopped me »Where
where are my children« cried I rushing through the flames and bursting the
door of the chamber in which they were confined »Where are my little ones«
»Here dear papa here we are« cried they together while the flames were just
catching the bed where they lay I caught them both in my arms and snatched
them through the fire as fast as possible while just as I was got out the roof
sunk in »Now« cried I holding up my children »now let the flames burn on
and all my possessions perish Here they are I have saved my treasure Here my
dearest here are our treasures and we shall yet be happy« We kissed our
little darlings a thousand times they clasped us round the neck and seemed to
share our transports while their mother laughed and wept by turns
I now stood a calm spectator of the flames and after some time began to
perceive that my arm to the shoulder was scorched in a terrible manner It was
therefore out of my power to give my son any assistance either in attempting to
save our goods or preventing the flames spreading to our corn By this time
the neighbours were alarmed and came running to our assistance but all they
could do was to stand like us spectators of the calamity My goods among
which were the notes I had reserved for my daughters fortunes were entirely
consumed except a box with some papers that stood in the kitchen and two or
three things more of little consequence which my son brought away in the
beginning The neighbours contributed however what they could to lighten our
distress They brought us cloaths and furnished one of our outhouses with
kitchen utensils so that by daylight we had another tho a wretched dwelling
to retire to My honest next neighbour and his children were not the least
assiduous in providing us with every thing necessary and offering what ever
consolation untutored benevolence could suggest
When the fears of my family had subsided curiosity to know the cause of my
long stay began to take place having therefore informed them of every
particular I proceeded to prepare them for the reception of our lost one and
tho we had nothing but wretchedness now to impart I was willing to procure her
a welcome to what we had This task would have been more difficult but for our
recent calamity which had humbled my wifes pride and blunted it by more
poignant afflictions Being unable to go for my poor child myself as my arm
grew very painful I sent my son and daughter who soon returned supporting the
wretched delinquent who had not the courage to look up at her mother whom no
instructions of mine could persuade to a perfect reconciliation for women have
a much stronger sense of female error than men »Ah madam« cried her mother
»this is but a poor place you are come to after so much finery My daughter
Sophy and I can afford but little entertainment to persons who have kept company
only with people of distinction Yes Miss Livy your poor father and I have
suffered very much of late but I hope heaven will forgive you« During this
reception the unhappy victim stood pale and trembling unable to weep or to
reply but I could not continue a silent spectator of her distress wherefore
assuming a degree of severity in my voice and manner which was ever followed
with instant submission »I entreat woman that my words may be now marked once
for all I have here brought you back a poor deluded wanderer her return to
duty demands the revival of our tenderness The real hardships of life are now
coming fast upon us let us not therefore encrease them by dissention among each
other If we live harmoniously together we may yet be contented as there are
enough of us to shut out the censuring world and keep each other in
countenance The kindness of heaven is promised to the penitent and let ours be
directed by the example Heaven we are assured is much more pleased to view a
repentant sinner than ninety nine persons who have supported a course of
undeviating rectitude And this is right for that single effort by which we
stop short in the downhill path to perdition is itself a greater exertion of
virtue than an hundred acts of justice«
Chap XXIII
None but the guilty can be long and completely miserable
Some assiduity was now required to make our present abode as convenient as
possible and we were soon again qualified to enjoy our former serenity Being
disabled myself from assisting my son in our usual occupations I read to my
family from the few books that were saved and particularly from such as by
amusing the imagination contributed to ease the heart Our good neighbours too
came every day with the kindest condolence and fixed a time in which they were
all to assist at repairing my former dwelling Honest farmer Williams was not
last among these visitors but heartily offered his friendship He would even
have renewed his addresses to my daughter but she rejected them in such a
manner as totally represt his future solicitations Her grief seemed formed for
continuing and she was the only person of our little society that a week did
not restore to chearfulness She now lost that unblushing innocence which once
taught her to respect herself and to seek pleasure by pleasing Anxiety now had
taken strong possession of her mind her beauty began to be impaired with her
constitution and neglect still more contributed to diminish it Every tender
epithet bestowed on her sister brought a pang to her heart and a tear to her
eye and as one vice tho cured ever plants others where it has been so her
former guilt tho driven out by repentance left jealousy and envy behind I
strove a thousand ways to lessen her care and even forgot my own pain in a
concern for hers collecting such amusing passages of history as a strong
memory and some reading could suggest »Our happiness my dear« I would say
»is in the power of one who can bring it about a thousand unforeseen ways that
mock our foresight If example be necessary to prove this Ill give you a
story my child told us by a grave tho sometimes a romancing historian
Matilda was married very young to a Neapolitan nobleman of the first
quality and found herself a widow and a mother at the age of fifteen As she
stood one day caressing her infant son in the open window of an apartment which
hung over the river Volturna the child with a sudden spring leaped from her
arms into the flood below and disappeared in a moment The mother struck with
instant surprize and making an effort to save him plunged in after but far
from being able to assist the infant she herself with great difficulty escaped
to the opposite shore just when some French soldiers were plundering the
country on that side who immediately made her their prisoner
As the war was then carried on between the French and Italians with the
utmost inhumanity they were going at once to perpetrate those two extremes
suggested by appetite and cruelty This base resolution however was opposed by
a young officer who tho their retreat required the utmost expedition placed
her behind him and brought her in safety to his native city Her beauty at
first caught his eye her merit soon after his heart They were married he rose
to the highest posts they lived long together and were happy But the felicity
of a soldier can never be called permanent after an interval of several years
the troops which he commanded having met with a repulse he was obliged to take
shelter in the city where he had lived with his wife Here they suffered a
siege and the city at length was taken Few histories can produce more various
instances of cruelty than those which the French and Italians at that time
exercised upon each other It was resolved by the victors upon this occasion
to put all the French prisoners to death but particularly the husband of the
unfortunate Matilda as he was principally instrumental in protracting the
siege Their determinations were in general executed almost as soon as
resolved upon The captive soldier was led forth and the executioner with his
sword stood ready while the spectators in gloomy silence awaited the fatal
blow which was only suspended till the general who presided as judge should
give the signal It was in this interval of anguish and expectation that
Matilda came to take her last farewell of her husband and deliverer deploring
her wretched situation and the cruelty of fate that had saved her from
perishing by a premature death in the river Volturna to be the spectator of
still greater calamities The general who was a young man was struck with
surprize at her beauty and pity at her distress but with still stronger
emotions when he heard her mention her former dangers He was her son the
infant for whom she had encounterd so much danger He acknowledged her at once
as his mother and fell at her feet The rest may be easily supposed the
captive was set free and all the happiness that love friendship and duty
could confer on each were united«
In this manner I would attempt to amuse my daughter but she listened with
divided attention for her own misfortunes engrossed all the pity she once had
for those of another and nothing gave her ease In company she dreaded
contempt and in solitude she only found anxiety Such was the colour of her
wretchedness when we received certain information that Mr Thornhill was going
to be married to Miss Wilmot for whom I always suspected he had a real passion
tho he took every opportunity before me to express his contempt both of her
person and fortune This news only served to encrease poor Olivias affliction
such a flagrant breach of fidelity was more than her courage could support I
was resolved however to get more certain information and to defeat if
possible the completion of his designs by sending my son to old Mr Wilmots
with instructions to know the truth of the report and to deliver Miss Wilmot a
letter intimating Mr Thornhills conduct in my family My son went in
pursuance of my directions and in three days returned assuring us of the truth
of the account but that he had found it impossible to deliver the letter which
he was therefore obliged to leave as Mr Thornhill and Miss Wilmot were
visiting round the country They were to be married he said in a few days
having appeared together at church the Sunday before he was there in great
splendour the bride attended by six young ladies and he by as many gentlemen
Their approaching nuptials filled the whole country with rejoicing and they
usually rode out together in the grandest equipage that had been seen in the
country for many years All the friends of both families he said were there
particularly the Squires uncle Sir William Thornhill who bore so good a
character He added that nothing but mirth and feasting were going forward
that all the country praised the young brides beauty and the bridegrooms fine
person and that they were immensely fond of each other concluding that he
could not help thinking Mr Thornhill one of the most happy men in the world
»Why let him if he can« returned I »but my son observe this bed of
straw and unsheltering roof those mouldering walls and humid floor my
wretched body thus disabled by fire and my children weeping round me for bread
you have come home my child to all this yet here even here you see a man
that would not for a thousand worlds exchange situations O my children if you
could but learn to commune with your own hearts and know what noble company you
can make them you would little regard the elegance and splendours of the
worthless Almost all men have been taught to call life a passage and
themselves the travellers The similitude still may be improved when we observe
that the good are joyful and serene like travellers that are going towards
home the wicked but by intervals happy like travellers that are going into
exile«
My compassion for my poor daughter overpowered by this new disaster
interrupted what I had farther to observe I bade her mother support her and
after a short time she recovered She appeared from that time more calm and I
imagined had gained a new degree of resolution but appearances deceived me for
her tranquility was the langour of overwrought resentment A supply of
provisions charitably sent us by my kind parishioners seemed to diffuse new
chearfulness amongst the rest of the family nor was I displeased at seeing them
once more sprightly and at ease It would have been unjust to damp their
satisfactions merely to condole with resolute melancholy or to burthen them
with a sadness they did not feel Thus once more the tale went round and the
song was demanded and chearfulness condescended to hover round our little
habitation
Chap XXIV
Fresh calamities
The next morning the sun rose with peculiar warmth for the season so that we
agreed to breakfast together on the honeysuckle bank where while we sate my
youngest daughter at my request joined her voice to the concert on the trees
about us It was in this place my poor Olivia first met her seducer and every
object served to recall her sadness But that melancholy which is excited by
objects of pleasure or inspired by sounds of harmony sooths the heart instead
of corroding it Her mother too upon this occasion felt a pleasing distress
and wept and loved her daughter as before »Do my pretty Olivia« cried she
»let us have that little melancholy air your pappa was so fond of your sister
Sophy has already obliged us Do child it will please your old father« She
complied in a manner so exquisitely pathetic as moved me
When lovely woman stoops to folly
And finds too late that men betray
What charm can sooth her melancholy
What art can wash her guilt away
The only art her guilt to cover
To hide her shame from every eye
To give repentance to her lover
And wring his bosom is to die
As she was concluding the last stanza to which an interruption in her voice
from sorrow gave peculiar softness the appearance of Mr Thornhills equipage
at a distance alarmed us all but particularly encreased the uneasiness of my
eldest daughter who desirous of shunning her betrayer returned to the house
with her sister In a few minutes he was alighted from his chariot and making
up to the place where I was still sitting enquired after my health with his
usual air of familiarity »Sir« replied I »your present assurance only serves
to aggravate the baseness of your character and there was a time when I would
have chastised your insolence for presuming thus to appear before me But now
you are safe for age has cooled my passions and my calling restrains them«
»I vow my dear sir« returned he »I am amazed at all this nor can I
understand what it means I hope you dont think your daughters late excursion
with me had any thing criminal in it«
»Go« cried I »thou art a wretch a poor pitiful wretch and every way a
lyar but your meanness secures you from my anger Yet sir I am descended from
a family that would not have borne this And so thou vile thing to gratify a
momentary passion thou hast made one poor creature wretched for life and
polluted a family that had nothing but honour for their portion«
»If she or you« returned he »are resolved to be miserable I cannot help
it But you may still be happy and whatever opinion you may have formed of me
you shall ever find me ready to contribute to it We can marry her to another in
a short time and what is more she may keep her lover beside for I protest I
shall ever continue to have a true regard for her«
I found all my passions alarmed at this new degrading proposal for though
the mind may often be calm under great injuries little villainy can at any time
get within the soul and sting it into rage »Avoid my sight thou reptile«
cried I »nor continue to insult me with thy presence Were my brave son at
home he would not suffer this but I am old and disabled and every way
undone«
»I find« cried he »you are bent upon obliging me to talk in an harsher
manner than I intended But as I have shewn you what may be hoped from my
friendship it may not be improper to represent what may be the consequences of
my resentment My attorney to whom your late bond has been transferred
threatens hard nor do I know how to prevent the course of justice except by
paying the money myself which as I have been at some expences lately previous
to my intended marriage is not so easy to be done And then my steward talks of
driving for the rent it is certain he knows his duty for I never trouble
myself with affairs of that nature Yet still I could wish to serve you and
even to have you and your daughter present at my marriage which is shortly to
be solemnized with Miss Wilmot it is even the request of my charming Arabella
herself whom I hope you will not refuse«
»Mr Thornhill« replied I »hear me once for all as to your marriage with
any but my daughter that I never will consent to and though your friendship
could raise me to a throne or your resentment sink me to the grave yet would I
despise both Thou hast once wofully irreparably deceived me I reposed my
heart upon thine honour and have found its baseness Never more therefore
expect friendship from me Go and possess what fortune has given thee beauty
riches health and pleasure Go and leave me to want infamy disease and
sorrow Yet humbled as I am shall my heart still vindicate its dignity and
though thou hast my forgiveness thou shalt ever have my contempt«
»If so« returned he »depend upon it you shall feel the effects of this
insolence and we shall shortly see which is the fittest object of scorn you or
me« Upon which he departed abruptly
My wife and son who were present at this interview seemed terrified with
the apprehension My daughters also finding that he was gone came out to be
informed of the result of our conference which when known alarmed them not
less than the rest But as to myself I disregarded the utmost stretch of his
malevolence he had already struck the blow and now I stood prepared to repel
every new effort Like one of those instruments used in the art of war which
however thrown still presents a point to receive the enemy
We soon however found that he had not threatened in vain for the very
next morning his steward came to demand my annual rent which by the train of
accidents already related I was unable to pay The consequence of my incapacity
was his driving my cattle that evening and their being appraised and sold the
next day for less than half their value My wife and children now therefore
entreated me to comply upon any terms rather than incur certain destruction
They even begged of me to admit his visits once more and used all their little
eloquence to paint the calamities I was going to endure The terrors of a
prison in so rigorous a season as the present with the danger that threatened
my health from the late accident that happened by the fire But I continued
inflexible
»Why my treasures« cried I »why will you thus attempt to persuade me to
the thing that is not right My duty has taught me to forgive him but my
conscience will not permit me to approve Would you have me applaud to the world
what my heart must internally condemn Would you have me tamely sit down and
flatter our infamous betrayer and to avoid a prison continually suffer the more
galling bonds of mental confinement No never If we are to be taken from this
abode only let us hold to the right and wherever we are thrown we can still
retire to a charming apartment when we can look round our own hearts with
intrepidity and with pleasure«
In this manner we spent that evening Early the next morning as the snow
had fallen in great abundance in the night my son was employed in clearing it
away and opening a passage before the door He had not been thus engaged long
when he came running in with looks all pale to tell us that two strangers
whom he knew to be officers of justice were making towards the house
Just as he spoke they came in and approaching the bed where I lay after
previously informing me of their employment and business made me their
prisoner bidding me prepare to go with them to the county gaol which was
eleven miles off
»My friends« said I »this is severe weather on which you have come to take
me to a prison and it is particularly unfortunate at this time as one of my
arms has lately been burnt in a terrible manner and it has thrown me into a
slight fever and I want cloaths to cover me and I am now too weak and old to
walk far in such deep snow but if it must be so «
I then turned to my wife and children and directed them to get together
what few things were left us and to prepare immediately for leaving this place
I entreated them to be expeditious and desired my son to assist his elder
sister who from a consciousness that she was the cause of all our calamities
was fallen and had lost anguish in insensibility I encouraged my wife who
pale and trembling clasped our affrighted little ones in her arms that clung
to her bosom in silence dreading to look round at the strangers In the mean
time my youngest daughter prepared for our departure and as she received
several hints to use dispatch in about an hour we were ready to depart
Chap XXV
No situation however wretched it seems but has some sort of comfort attending
it
We set forward from this peaceful neighbourhood and walked on slowly My eldest
daughter being enfeebled by a slow fever which had begun for some days to
undermine her constitution one of the officers who had an horse kindly took
her behind him for even these men cannot entirely divest themselves of
humanity My son led one of the little ones by the hand and my wife the other
while I leaned upon my youngest girl whose tears fell not for her own but my
distresses
We were now got from my late dwelling about two miles when we saw a crowd
running and shouting behind us consisting of about fifty of my poorest
parishioners These with dreadful imprecations soon seized upon the two
officers of justice and swearing they would never see their minister go to gaol
while they had a drop of blood to shed in his defence were going to use them
with great severity The consequence might have been fatal had I not
immediately interposed and with some difficulty rescued the officers from the
hands of the enraged multitude My children who looked upon my delivery now as
certain appeared transported with joy and were incapable of containing their
raptures But they were soon undeceived upon hearing me address the poor
deluded people who came as they imagined to do me service
»What my friends« cried I »and is this the way you love me Is this the
manner you obey the instructions I have given you from the pulpit Thus to fly
in the face of justice and bring down ruin on yourselves and me Which is your
ringleader Shew me the man that has thus seduced you As sure as he lives he
shall feel my resentment Alas my dear deluded flock return back to the duty
you owe to God to your country and to me I shall yet perhaps one day see you
in greater felicity here and contribute to make your lives more happy But let
it at least be my comfort when I pen my fold for immortality that not one here
shall be wanting«
They now seemed all repentance and melting into tears came one after the
other to bid me farewell I shook each tenderly by the hand and leaving them my
blessing proceeded forward without meeting any farther interruption Some hours
before night we reached the town or rather village for it consisted but of a
few mean houses having lost all its former opulence and retaining no marks of
its ancient superiority but the gaol
Upon entering we put up at an inn where we had such refreshments as could
most readily be procured and I supped with my family with my usual
chearfulness After seeing them properly accommodated for that night I next
attended the sheriffs officers to the prison which had formerly been built for
the purposes of war and consisted of one large apartment strongly grated and
paved with stone common to both felons and debtors at certain hours in the four
and twenty Besides this every prisoner had a separate cell where he was
locked in for the night
I expected upon my entrance to find nothing but lamentations and various
sounds of misery but it was very different The prisoners seemed all employed
in one common design that of forgetting thought in merriment or clamour I was
apprized of the usual perquisite required upon these occasions and immediately
complied with the demand though the little money I had was very near being all
exhausted This was immediately sent away for liquor and the whole prison soon
was filled with riot laughter and prophaneness
»How« cried I to myself »shall men so very wicked be chearful and shall I
be melancholy I feel only the same confinement with them and I think I have
more reason to be happy«
With such reflections I laboured to become chearful but chearfulness was
never yet produced by effort which is itself painful As I was sitting
therefore in a corner of the gaol in a pensive posture one of my fellow
prisoners came up and sitting by me entered into conversation It was my
constant rule in life never to avoid the conversation of any man who seemed to
desire it for if good I might profit by his instruction if bad he might be
assisted by mine I found this to be a knowing man of strong unlettered sense
but a thorough knowledge of the world as it is called or more properly
speaking of human nature on the wrong side He asked me if I had taken care to
provide myself with a bed which was a circumstance I had never once attended
to
»Thats unfortunate« cried he »as you are allowed here nothing but straw
and your apartment is very large and cold However you seem to be something of a
gentleman and as I have been one myself in my time part of my bedcloaths are
heartily at your service«
I thanked him professing my surprize at finding such humanity in a gaol in
misfortunes adding to let him see that I was a scholar »That the sage ancient
seemed to understand the value of company in affliction when he said Ton
kosman aire ei dos ton etairon and in fact« continued I »what is the World
if it affords only solitude «
»You talk of the world Sir« returned my fellow prisoner »the world is in
its dotage and yet the cosmogony or creation of the world has puzzled the
philosophers of every age What a medly of opinions have they not broached upon
the creation of the world Sanconiathon Manetho Berosus and Ocellus Lucanus
have all attempted it in vain The latter has these words Anarchon ara kai
atelutaion to pan which implies« »I ask pardon Sir« cried I »for
interrupting so much learning but I think I have heard all this before Have I
not had the pleasure of once seeing you at Welbridge fair and is not your name
Ephraim Jenkinson« At this demand he only sighed »I suppose you must
recollect« resumed I »one Doctor Primrose from whom you bought a horse«
He now at once recollected me for the gloominess of the place and the
approaching night had prevented his distinguishing my features before »Yes
Sir« returned Mr Jenkinson »I remember you perfectly well I bought an horse
but forgot to pay for him Your neighbour Flamborough is the only prosecutor I
am any way afraid of at the next assizes for he intends to swear positively
against me as a coiner I am heartily sorry Sir I ever deceived you or indeed
any man for you see« continued he shewing his shackles »what my tricks have
brought me to«
»Well sir« replied I »your kindness in offering me assistance when you
could expect no return shall be repaid with my endeavours to soften or totally
suppress Mr Flamboroughs evidence and I will send my son to him for that
purpose the first opportunity nor do I in the least doubt but he will comply
with my request and as to my evidence you need be under no uneasiness about
that«
»Well sir« cried he »all the return I can make shall be yours You shall
have more than half my bedcloaths to night and Ill take care to stand your
friend in the prison where I think I have some influence«
I thanked him and could not avoid being surprised at the present youthful
change in his aspect for at the time I had seen him before he appeared at least
sixty »Sir« answered he »you are little acquainted with the world I had at
that time false hair and have learnt the art of counterfeiting every age from
seventeen to seventy Ah sir had I but bestowed half the pains in learning a
trade that I have in learning to be a scoundrel I might have been a rich man
at this day But rogue as I am still I may be your friend and that perhaps
when you least expect it«
We were now prevented from further conversation by the arrival of the
gaolers servants who came to call over the prisoners names and lock up for
the night A fellow also with a bundle of straw for my bed attended who led me
along a dark narrow passage into a room paved like the common prison and in one
corner of this I spread my bed and the cloaths given me by my fellow prisoner
which done my conductor who was civil enough bade me a goodnight After my
usual meditations and having praised my heavenly corrector I laid myself down
and slept with the utmost tranquility till morning
Chap XXVI
A reformation in the gaol To make laws complete they should reward as well as
punish
The next morning early I was awakened by my family whom I found in tears at my
bedside The gloomy strength of every thing about us it seems had daunted
them I gently rebuked their sorrow assuring them I had never slept with
greater tranquility and next enquired after my eldest daughter who was not
among them They informed me that yesterdays uneasiness and fatigue had
encreased her fever and it was judged proper to leave her behind My next care
was to send my son to procure a room or two to lodge the family in as near the
prison as conveniently could be found He obeyed but could only find one
apartment which was hired at a small expence for his mother and sisters the
gaoler with humanity consenting to let him and his two little brothers lie in
the prison with me A bed was therefore prepared for them in a corner of the
room which I thought answered very conveniently I was willing however
previously to know whether my little children chose to lie in a place which
seemed to fright them upon entrance
»Well« cried I »my good boys how do you like your bed I hope you are not
afraid to lie in this room dark as it appears«
»No papa« says Dick »I am not afraid to lie any where where you are«
»And I« says Bill who was yet but four years old »love every place best
that my papa is in«
After this I allotted to each of the family what they were to do My
daughter was particularly directed to watch her declining sisters health my
wife was to attend me my little boys were to read to me »And as for you my
son« continued I »it is by the labour of your hands we must all hope to be
supported Your wages as a daylabourer will be full sufficient with proper
frugality to maintain us all and comfortably too Thou art now sixteen years
old and hast strength and it was given thee my son for very useful purposes
for it must save from famine your helpless parents and family Prepare then this
evening to look out for work against tomorrow and bring home every night what
money you earn for our support«
Having thus instructed him and settled the rest I walked down to the
common prison where I could enjoy more air and room But I was not long there
when the execrations lewdness and brutality that invaded me on every side
drove me back to my apartment again Here I sate for some time pondering upon
the strange infatuation of wretches who finding all mankind in open arms
against them were labouring to make themselves a future and a tremendous enemy
Their insensibility excited my highest compassion and blotted my own
uneasiness from my mind It even appeared a duty incumbent upon me to attempt to
reclaim them I resolved therefore once more to return and in spite of their
contempt to give them my advice and conquer them by perseverance Going
therefore among them again I informed Mr Jenkinson of my design at which he
laughed heartily but communicated it to the rest The proposal was received
with the greatest goodhumour as it promised to afford a new fund of
entertainment to persons who had now no other resource for mirth but what could
be derived from ridicule or debauchery
I therefore read them a portion of the service with a loud unaffected voice
and found my audience perfectly merry upon the occasion Lewd whispers groans
of contrition burlesqued winking and coughing alternately excited laughter
However I continued with my natural solemnity to read on sensible that what I
did might amend some but could itself receive no contamination from any
After reading I entered upon my exhortation which was rather calculated at
first to amuse them than to reprove I previously observed that no other motive
but their welfare could induce me to this that I was their fellow prisoner and
now got nothing by preaching I was sorry I said to hear them so very
prophane because they got nothing by it but might lose a great deal »For be
assured my friends« cried I »for you are my friends however the world may
disclaim your friendship though you swore twelve thousand oaths in a day it
would not put one penny in your purse Then what signifies calling every moment
upon the devil and courting his friendship since you find how scurvily he uses
you He has given you nothing here you find but a mouthful of oaths and an
empty belly and by the best accounts I have of him he will give you nothing
thats good hereafter
If used ill in our dealings with one man we naturally go elsewhere Were it
not worth your while then just to try how you may like the usage of another
master who gives you fair promises at least to come to him Surely my Friends
of all stupidity in the world his must be greatest who after robbing an
house runs to the thieftakers for protection And yet how are you more wise
You are all seeking comfort from one that has already betrayed you applying to
a more malicious being than any thieftaker of them all for they only decoy and
then hang you but he decoys and hangs and what is worst of all will not let
you loose after the hangman has done«
When I had concluded I received the compliments of my audience some of
whom came and shook me by the hand swearing that I was a very honest fellow
and that they desired my further acquaintance I therefore promised to repeat my
lecture next day and actually conceived some hopes of making a reformation
here for it had ever been my opinion that no man was past the hour of
amendment every heart lying open to the shafts of reproof if the archer could
but take a proper aim When I had thus satisfied my mind I went back to my
apartment where my wife had prepared a frugal meal while Mr Jenkinson begged
leave to add his dinner to ours and partake of the pleasure as he was kind
enough to express it of my conversation He had not yet seen my family for as
they came to my apartment by a door in the narrow passage already described by
this means they avoided the common prison Jenkinson at the first interview
therefore seemed not a little struck with the beauty of my youngest daughter
which her pensive air contributed to heighten and my little ones did not pass
unnoticed
»Alas Doctor« cried he »these children are too handsome and too good for
such a place as this«
»Why Mr Jenkinson« replied I »thank heaven my children are pretty
tolerable in morals and if they be good it matters little for the rest«
»I fancy sir« returned my fellow prisoner »that it must give you great
comfort to have this little family about you«
»A comfort Mr Jenkinson« replied I »yes it is indeed a comfort and I
would not be without them for all the world for they can make a dungeon seem a
palace There is but one way in this life of wounding my happiness and that is
by injuring them«
»I am afraid then sir« cried he »that I am in some measure culpable for
I think I see here looking at my son Moses one that I have injured and by
whom I wish to be forgiven«
My son immediately recollected his voice and features though he had before
seen him in disguise and taking him by the hand with a smile forgave him
»Yet« continued he »I cant help wondering at what you could see in my face
to think me a proper mark for deception«
»My dear sir« returned the other »it was not your face but your white
stockings and the black ribband in your hair that allured me But no
disparagement to your parts I have deceived wiser men than you in my time and
yet with all my tricks the blockheads have been too many for me at last«
»I suppose« cried my son »that the narrative of such a life as yours must
be extremely instructive and amusing«
»Not much of either« returned Mr Jenkinson »Those relations which
describe the tricks and vices only of mankind by increasing our suspicion in
life retard our success The traveller that distrusts every person he meets
and turns back upon the appearance of every man that looks like a robber seldom
arrives in time at his journeys end
Indeed I think from my own experience that the knowing one is the silliest
fellow under the sun I was thought cunning from my very childhood when but
seven years old the ladies would say that I was a perfect little man at
fourteen I knew the world cocked my hat and loved the ladies at twenty
though I was perfectly honest yet every one thought me so cunning that not one
would trust me Thus I was at last obliged to turn sharper in my own defence
and have lived ever since my head throbbing with schemes to deceive and my
heart palpitating with fears of detection
I used often to laugh at your honest simple neighbour Flamborough and one
way or another generally cheated him once a year Yet still the honest man went
forward without suspicion and grew rich while I still continued tricksy and
cunning and was poor without the consolation of being honest
However« continued he »let me know your case and what has brought you
here perhaps though I have not skill to avoid a gaol myself I may extricate my
friends«
In compliance with his curiosity I informed him of the whole train of
accidents and follies that had plunged me into my present troubles and my utter
inability to get free
After hearing my story and pausing some minutes he slapt his forehead as
if he had hit upon something material and took his leave saying he would try
what could be done
Chap XXVII
The same subject continued
The next morning I communicated to my wife and children the scheme I had planned
of reforming the prisoners which they received with universal disapprobation
alledging the impossibility and impropriety of it adding that my endeavours
would no way contribute to their amendment but might probably disgrace my
calling
»Excuse me« returned I »these people however fallen are still men and
that is a very good title to my affections Good council rejected returns to
enrich the givers bosom and though the instruction I communicate may not mend
them yet it will assuredly mend myself If these wretches my children were
princes there would be thousands ready to offer their ministry but in my
opinion the heart that is buried in a dungeon is as precious as that seated
upon a throne Yes my treasures if I can mend them I will perhaps they will
not all despise me Perhaps I may catch up even one from the gulph and that
will be great gain for is there upon earth a gem so precious as the human
soul«
Thus saying I left them and descended to the common prison where I found
the prisoners very merry expecting my arrival and each prepared with some gaol
trick to play upon the doctor Thus as I was going to begin one turned my wig
awry as if by accident and then asked my pardon A second who stood at some
distance had a knack of spitting through his teeth which fell in showers upon
my book A third would cry amen in such an affected tone as gave the rest great
delight A fourth had slily picked my pocket of my spectacles But there was one
whose trick gave more universal pleasure than all the rest for observing the
manner in which I had disposed my books on the table before me he very
dextrously displaced one of them and put an obscene jestbook of his own in the
place However I took no notice of all that this mischievous groupe of little
beings could do but went on perfectly sensible that what was ridiculous in my
attempt would excite mirth only the first or second time while what was
serious would be permanent My design succeeded and in less than six days some
were penitent and all attentive
It was now that I applauded my perseverance and address at thus giving
sensibility to wretches divested of every moral feeling and now began to think
of doing them temporal services also by rendering their situation somewhat more
comfortable Their time had hitherto been divided between famine and excess
tumultous riot and bitter repining Their only employment was quarrelling among
each other playing at cribbage and cutting tobacco stoppers From this last
mode of idle industry I took the hint of setting such as chose to work at
cutting pegs for tobacconists and shoemakers the proper wood being bought by a
general subscription and when manufactured sold by my appointment so that
each earned something every day a trifle indeed but sufficient to maintain
him
I did not stop here but instituted fines for the punishment of immorality
and rewards for peculiar industry Thus in less than a fortnight I had formed
them into something social and humane and had the pleasure of regarding myself
as a legislator who had brought men from their native ferocity into friendship
and obedience
And it were highly to be wished that legislative power would thus direct
the law rather to reformation than severity That it would seem convinced that
the work of eradicating crimes is not by making punishments familiar but
formidable Then instead of our present prisons which find or make men guilty
which enclose wretches for the commission of one crime and return them if
returned alive fitted for the perpetration of thousands we should see as in
other parts of Europe places of penitence and solitude where the accused might
be attended by such as could give them repentance if guilty or new motives to
virtue if innocent And this but not the increasing punishments is the way to
mend a state nor can I avoid even questioning the validity of that right which
social combinations have assumed of capitally punishing offences of a slight
nature In cases of murder their right is obvious as it is the duty of us all
from the law of selfdefence to cut off that man who has shewn a disregard for
the life of another Against such all nature arises in arms but it is not so
against him who steals my property Natural law gives me no right to take away
his life as by that the horse he steals is as much his property as mine If
then I have any right it must be from a compact made between us that he who
deprives the other of his horse shall die But this is a false compact because
no man has a right to barter his life no more than to take it away as it is
not his own And beside the compact is inadequate and would be set aside even
in a court of modern equity as there is a great penalty for a very trifling
convenience since it is far better that two men should live than that one man
should ride But a compact that is false between two men is equally so between
an hundred or an hundred thousand for as ten millions of circles can never
make a square so the united voice of myriads cannot lend the smallest
foundation to falsehood It is thus that reason speaks and untutored nature
says the same thing Savages that are directed by natural law alone are very
tender of the lives of each other they seldom shed blood but to retaliate
former cruelty
Our Saxon ancestors fierce as they were in war had but few executions in
times of peace and in all commencing governments that have the print of nature
still strong upon them scarce any crime is held capital
It is among the citizens of a refined community that penal laws which are
in the hands of the rich are laid upon the poor Government while it grows
older seems to acquire the moroseness of age and as if our property were
become dearer in proportion as it increased as if the more enormous our wealth
the more extensive our fears all our possessions are paled up with new edicts
every day and hung round with gibbets to scare every invader
I cannot tell whether it is from the number of our penal laws or the
licentiousness of our people that this country should shew more convicts in a
year than half the dominions of Europe united Perhaps it is owing to both for
they mutually produce each other When by indiscriminate penal laws a nation
beholds the same punishment affixed to dissimilar degrees of guilt from
perceiving no distinction in the penalty the people are led to lose all sense
of distinction in the crime and this distinction is the bulwark of all
morality thus the multitude of laws produce new vices and new vices call for
fresh restraints
It were to be wished then that power instead of contriving new laws to
punish vice instead of drawing hard the cords of society till a convulsion come
to burst them instead of cutting away wretches as useless before we have tried
their utility instead of converting correction into vengeance it were to be
wished that we tried the restrictive arts of government and made law the
protector but not the tyrant of the people We should then find that creatures
whose souls are held as dross only wanted the hand of a refiner we should then
find that wretches now stuck up for long tortures lest luxury should feel a
momentary pang might if properly treated serve to sinew the state in times of
danger that as their faces are like ours their hearts are so too that few
minds are so base as that perseverance cannot amend that a man may see his last
crime without dying for it and that very little blood will serve to cement our
security
Chap XXVIII
Happiness and misery rather the result of prudence than of virtue in this life
Temporal evils or felicities being regarded by heaven as things merely in
themselves trifling and unworthy its care in the distribution
I had now been confined more than a fortnight but had not since my arrival been
visited by my dear Olivia and I greatly longed to see her Having communicated
my wishes to my wife the next morning the poor girl entered my apartment
leaning on her sisters arm The change which I saw in her countenance struck
me The numberless graces that once resided there were now fled and the hand of
death seemed to have molded every feature to alarm me Her temples were sunk
her forehead was tense and a fatal paleness sate upon her cheek
»I am glad to see thee my dear« cried I »but why this dejection Livy I
hope my love you have too great a regard for me to permit disappointment thus
to undermine a life which I prize as my own Be chearful child and we yet may
see happier days«
»You have ever sir« replied she »been kind to me and it adds to my pain
that I shall never have an opportunity of sharing that happiness you promise
Happiness I fear is no longer reserved for me here and I long to be rid of a
place where I have only found distress Indeed sir I wish you would make a
proper submission to Mr Thornhill it may in some measure induce him to pity
you and it will give me relief in dying«
»Never child« replied I »never will I be brought to acknowledge my
daughter a prostitute for tho the world may look upon your offence with scorn
let it be mine to regard it as a mark of credulity not of guilt My dear I am
no way miserable in this place however dismal it may seem and be assured that
while you continue to bless me by living he shall never have my consent to make
you more wretched by marrying another«
After the departure of my daughter my fellow prisoner who was by at this
interview sensibly enough expostulated upon my obstinacy in refusing a
submission which promised to give me freedom He observed that the rest of my
family was not to be sacrificed to the peace of one child alone and she the
only one who had offended me »Beside« added he »I dont know if it be just
thus to obstruct the union of man and wife which you do at present by refusing
to consent to a match which you cannot hinder but may render unhappy«
»Sir« replied I »you are unacquainted with the man that oppresses us I am
very sensible that no submission I can make could procure me liberty even for an
hour I am told that even in this very room a debtor of his no later than last
year died for want But though my submission and approbation could transfer me
from hence to the most beautiful apartment he is possessed of yet I would
grant neither as something whispers me that it would be giving a sanction to
adultery While my daughter lives no other marriage of his shall ever be legal
in my eye Were she removed indeed I should be the basest of men from any
resentment of my own to attempt putting asunder those who wish for an union
No villain as he is I should then wish him married to prevent the
consequences of his future debaucheries But now should I not be the most cruel
of all fathers to sign an Instrument which must send my child to the grave
merely to avoid a prison myself and thus to escape one pang break my childs
heart with a thousand«
He acquiesced in the justice of this answer but could not avoid observing
that he feared my daughters life was already too much wasted to keep me long a
prisoner »However continued he though you refuse to submit to the nephew I
hope you have no objections to laying your case before the uncle who has the
first character in the kingdom for every thing that is just and good I would
advise you to send him a letter by the post intimating all his nephews ill
usage and my life for it that in three days you shall have an answer« I
thankd him for the hint and instantly set about complying but I wanted paper
and unluckily all our money had been laid out that morning in provisions
however he supplied me
For the three ensuing days I was in a state of anxiety to know what
reception my letter might meet with but in the mean time was frequently
solicited by my wife to submit to any conditions rather than remain here and
every hour received repeated accounts of the decline of my daughters health
The third day and the fourth arrived but I received no answer to my letter the
complaints of a stranger against a favourite nephew were no way likely to
succeed so that these hopes soon vanished like all my former My mind however
still supported itself though confinement and bad air began to make a visible
alteration in my health and my arm that had suffered in the fire grew worse
My children however sate by me and while I was stretched on my straw read to
me by turns or listened and wept at my instructions But my daughters health
declined faster than mine every message from her contributed to encrease my
apprehensions and pain The fifth morning after I had written the letter which
was sent to sir William Thornhill I was alarmed with an account that she was
speechless Now it was that confinement was truly painful to me my soul was
bursting from its prison to be near the pillow of my child to comfort to
strengthen her to receive her last wishes and teach her soul the way to
heaven Another account came She was expiring and yet I was debarred the small
comfort of weeping by her My fellow prisoner some time after came with the
last account He bade me be patient She was dead The next morning he
returned and found me with my two little ones now my only companions who were
using all their innocent efforts to comfort me They entreated to read to me
and bade me not to cry for I was now too old to weep »And is not my sister an
angel now pappa« cried the eldest »and why then are you sorry for her I
wish I were an angel out of this frightful place if my pappa were with me«
»Yes« added my youngest darling »Heaven where my sister is is a finer place
than this and there are none but good people there and the people here are
very bad«
Mr Jenkinson interupted their harmless prattle by observing that now my
daughter was no more I should seriously think of the rest of my family and
attempt to save my own life which was every day declining for want of
necessaries and wholesome air He added that it was now incumbent on me to
sacrifice any pride or resentment of my own to the welfare of those who
depended on me for support and that I was now both by reason and justice
obliged to try to reconcile my landlord
»Heaven be praised« replied I »there is no pride left me now I should
detest my own heart if I saw either pride or resentment lurking there On the
contrary as my oppressor has been once my parishoner I hope one day to present
him up an unpolluted soul at the eternal tribunal No sir I have no resentment
now and though he has taken from me what I held dearer than all his treasures
though he has wrung my heart for I am sick almost to fainting very sick my
fellow prisoner yet that shall never inspire me with vengeance I am now
willing to approve his marriage and if this submission can do him any pleasure
let him know that if I have done him any injury I am sorry for it« Mr
Jenkinson took pen and ink and wrote down my submission nearly as I have
exprest it to which I signed my name My son was employed to carry the letter
to Mr Thornhill who was then at his seat in the country He went and in about
six hours returned with a verbal answer He had some difficulty he said to get
a sight of his landlord as the servants were insolent and suspicious but he
accidentally saw him as he was going out upon business preparing for his
marriage which was to be in three days He continued to inform us that he
stept up in the humblest manner and delivered the letter which when Mr
Thornhill had read he said that all submission was now too late and
unnecessary that he had heard of our application to his uncle which met with
the contempt it deserved and as for the rest that all future applications
should be directed to his attorney not to him He observed however that as he
had a very good opinion of the discretion of the two young ladies they might
have been the most agreeable intercessors
»Well sir« said I to my fellow prisoner »you now discover the temper of
the man that oppresses me He can at once be facetious and cruel but let him
use me as he will I shall soon be free in spite of all his bolts to restrain
me I am now drawing towards an abode that looks brighter as I approach it this
expectation cheers my afflictions and though I leave an helpless family of
orphans behind me yet they will not be utterly forsaken some friend perhaps
will be found to assist them for the sake of their poor father and some may
charitably relieve them for the sake of their heavenly father«
Just as I spoke my wife whom I had not seen that day before appeared with
looks of terror and making efforts but unable to speak »Why my love« cried
I »why will you thus encrease my afflictions by your own what though no
submissions can turn our severe master tho he has doomed me to die in this
place of wretchedness and though we have lost a darling child yet still you
will find comfort in your other children when I shall be no more« »We have
indeed lost« returned she »a darling child My Sophia my dearest is gone
snatched from us carried off by ruffians«
»How madam« cried my fellow prisoner »miss Sophia carried off by
villains sure it cannot be«
She could only answer with a fixed look and a flood of tears But one of the
prisoners wives who was present and came in with her gave us a more distinct
account she informed us that as my wife my daughter and herself were taking
a walk together on the great road a little way out of the village a postchaise
and pair drove up to them and instantly stopt Upon which a well drest man but
not Mr Thornhill stepping out clasped my daughter round the waist and
forcing her in bid the postilion drive on so that they were out of sight in a
moment
»Now« cried I »the sum of my misery is made up nor is it in the power of
any thing on earth to give me another pang What not one left not to leave me
one the monster the child that was next my heart she had the beauty of an
angel and almost the wisdom of an angel But support that woman nor let her
fall Not to leave me one« »Alas my husband« said my wife »you seem to
want comfort even more than I Our distresses are great but I could bear this
and more if I saw you but easy They may take away my children and all the
world if they leave me but you«
My Son who was present endeavoured to moderate our grief he bade us take
comfort for he hoped that we might still have reason to be thankful »My
child« cried I »look round the world and see if there be any happiness left
me now Is not every ray of comfort shut out while all our bright prospects
only lie beyond the grave« »My dear father« returned he »I hope there is
still something that will give you an interval of satisfaction for I have a
letter from my brother George« »What of him child« interrupted I »does he
know of our misery I hope my boy is exempt from any part of what his wretched
family suffers « »Yes sir« returned he »he is perfectly gay chearful and
happy His letter brings nothing but good news he is the favourite of his
colonel who promises to procure him the very next lieutenancy that becomes
vacant«
»And are you sure of all this« cried my wife »are you sure that nothing
ill has befallen my boy« »Nothing indeed madam« returned my son »you shall
see the letter which will give you the highest pleasure and if any thing can
procure you comfort I am sure that will« »But are you sure« still repeated
she »that the letter is from himself and that he is really so happy« »Yes
Madam« replied he »it is certainly his and he will one day be the credit and
the support of our family« »Then I thank providence« cried she »that my
last letter to him has miscarried« »Yes my dear« continued she turning to
me »I will now confess that though the hand of heaven is sore upon us in other
instances it has been favourable here By the last letter I wrote my son which
was in the bitterness of anger I desired him upon his mothers blessing and
if he had the heart of a man to see justice done his father and sister and
avenge our cause But thanks be to him that directs all things it has
miscarried and I am at rest« »Woman« cried I »thou hast done very ill and
at another time my reproaches might have been more severe Oh what a tremendous
gulph hast thou escaped that would have buried both thee and him in endless
ruin Providence indeed has here been kinder to us than we to ourselves It
has reserved that son to be the father and protector of my children when I shall
be away How unjustly did I complain of being stript of every comfort when
still I hear that he is happy and insensible of our afflictions still kept in
reserve to support his widowed mother and to protect his brothers and sisters
But what sisters has he left he has no sisters now they are all gone robbed
from me and I am undone« »Father« interupted my son »I beg you will give
me leave to read this letter I know it will please you« Upon which with my
permission he read as follows
Honoured Sir
I have called off my imagination a few moments from the pleasures
that surround me to fix it upon objects that are still more pleasing
the dear little fireside at home My fancy draws that harmless groupe
as listening to every line of this with great composure I view those
faces with delight which never felt the deforming hand of ambition or
distress But whatever your happiness may be at home I am sure it will
be some addition to it to hear that I am perfectly pleased with my
situation and every way happy here
Our regiment is countermanded and is not to leave the kingdom the
colonel who professes himself my friend takes me with him to all
companies where he is acquainted and after my first visit I generally
find myself received with encreased respect upon repeating it I danced
last night with Lady G and could I forget you know whom I might be
perhaps successful But it is my fate still to remember others while I
am myself forgotten by most of my absent friends and in this number I
fear Sir that I must consider you for I have long expected the
pleasure of a letter from home to no purpose Olivia and Sophia too
promised to write but seem to have forgotten me Tell them they are two
arrant little baggages and that I am this moment in a most violent
passion with them yet still I know not how tho I want to bluster a
little my heart is respondent only to softer emotions Then tell them
sir that after all I love them affectionately and be assured of my
ever remaining
Your dutiful son
»In all our miseries« cried I »what thanks have we not to return that one at
least of our family is exempted from what we suffer Heaven be his guard and
keep my boy thus happy to be the supporter of his widowed mother and the father
of these two babes which is all the patrimony I can now bequeath him May he
keep their innocence from the temptations of want and be their conductor in the
paths of honour« I had scarce said these words when a noise like that of a
tumult seemed to proceed from the prison below it died away soon after and a
clanking of fetters was heard along the passage that led to my apartment The
keeper of the prison entered holding a man all bloody wounded and fettered
with the heaviest irons I looked with compassion on the wretch as he approached
me but with horror when I found it was my own son »My George My George and
do I find thee thus Wounded Fettered Is this thy happiness Is this the
manner you return to me O that this sight could break my heart at once and let
me die«
»Where Sir is your fortitude« returned my son with an intrepid voice »I
must suffer my life is forfeited and let them take it«
I tried to restrain my passions for a few minutes in silence but I thought
I should have died with the effort »O my boy my heart weeps to behold thee
thus and I cannot cannot help it In the moment that I thought thee blest and
prayed for thy safety to behold thee thus again Chained wounded And yet the
death of the youthful is happy But I am old a very old man and have lived to
see this day To see my children all untimely falling about me while I continue
a wretched survivor in the midst of ruin May all the curses that ever sunk a
soul fall heavy upon the murderer of my children May he live like me to see
«
»Hold Sir« replied my son »or I shall blush for thee How Sir forgetful
of your age your holy calling thus to arrogate the justice of heaven and
fling those curses upward that must soon descend to crush thy own grey head with
destruction No Sir let it be your care now to fit me for that vile death I
must shortly suffer to arm me with hope and resolution to give me courage to
drink of that bitterness which must shortly be my portion«
»My child you must not die I am sure no offence of thine can deserve so
vile a punishment My George could never be guilty of any crime to make his
ancestors ashamed of him«
»Mine Sir« returned my son »is I fear an unpardonable one When I
received my mothers letter from home I immediately came down determined to
punish the betrayer of our honour and sent him an order to meet me which he
answered not in person but by his dispatching four of his domestics to seize
me I wounded one who first assaulted me and I fear desperately but the rest
made me their prisoner The coward is determined to put the law in execution
against me the proofs are undeniable I have sent a challenge and as I am the
first transgressor upon the statute I see no hopes of pardon But you have
often charmed me with your lessons of fortitude let me now Sir find them in
your example«
»And my son you shall find them I am now raised above this world and all
the pleasures it can produce From this moment I break from my heart all the
ties that held it down to earth and will prepare to fit us both for eternity
Yes my son I will point out the way and my soul shall guide yours in the
ascent for we will take our flight together I now see and am convinced you can
expect no pardon here and I can only exhort you to seek it at that greatest
tribunal where we both shall shortly answer But let us not be niggardly in our
exhortation but let all our fellow prisoners have a share good gaoler let them
be permitted to stand here while I attempt to improve them« Thus saying I
made an effort to rise from my straw but wanted strength and was able only to
recline against the wall The prisoners assembled according to my direction for
they loved to hear my council my son and his mother supported me on either
side I looked and saw that none were wanting and then addressed them with the
following exhortation
Chap XXIX
The equal dealings of providence demonstrated with regard to the happy and the
miserable here below That from the nature of pleasure and pain the wretched
must be repaid the balance of their sufferings in the life hereafter
My friends my children and fellow sufferers when I reflect on the
distribution of good and evil here below I find that much has been given man to
enjoy yet still more to suffer Though we should examine the whole world we
shall not find one man so happy as to have nothing left to wish for but we
daily see thousands who by suicide shew us they have nothing left to hope In
this life then it appears that we cannot be entirely blest but yet we may be
completely miserable
Why man should thus feel pain why our wretchedness should be requisite in
the formation of universal felicity why when all other systems are made
perfect by the perfection of their subordinate parts the great system should
require for its perfection parts that are not only subordinate to others but
imperfect in themselves These are questions that never can be explained and
might be useless if known On this subject providence has thought fit to elude
our curiosity satisfied with granting us motives to consolation
In this situation man has called in the friendly assistance of philosophy
and heaven seeing the incapacity of that to console him has given him the aid
of religion The consolations of philosophy are very amusing but often
fallacious It tells us that life is filled with comforts if we will but enjoy
them and on the other hand that though we unavoidably have miseries here life
is short and they will soon be over Thus do these consolations destroy each
other for if life is a place of comfort its shortness must be misery and if
it be long our griefs are protracted Thus philosophy is weak but religion
comforts in an higher strain Man is here it tells us fitting up his mind and
preparing it for another abode When the good man leaves the body and is all a
glorious mind he will find he has been making himself a heaven of happiness
here while the wretch that has been maimed and contaminated by his vices
shrinks from his body with terror and finds that he has anticipated the
vengeance of heaven To religion then we must hold in every circumstance of life
for our truest comfort for if already we are happy it is a pleasure to think
that we can make that happiness unending and if we are miserable it is very
consoling to think that there is a place of rest Thus to the fortunate religion
holds out a continuance of bliss to the wretched a change from pain
But though religion is very kind to all men it has promised peculiar
rewards to the unhappy the sick the naked the houseless the heavyladen and
the prisoner have ever most frequent promises in our sacred law The author of
our religion every where professes himself the wretchs friend and unlike the
false ones of this world bestows all his caresses upon the forlorn The
unthinking have censured this as partiality as a preference without merit to
deserve it But they never reflect that it is not in the power even of heaven
itself to make the offer of unceasing felicity as great a gift to the happy as
to the miserable To the first eternity is but a single blessing since at most
it but encreases what they already possess To the latter it is a double
advantage for it diminishes their pain here and rewards them with heavenly
bliss hereafter
But providence is in another respect kinder to the poor than the rich for
as it thus makes the life after death more desirable so it smooths the passage
there The wretched have had a long familiarity with every face of terror The
man of sorrow lays himself quietly down without possessions to regret and but
few ties to stop his departure he feels only natures pang in the final
separation and this is no way greater than he has often fainted under before
for after a certain degree of pain every new breach that death opens in the
constitution nature kindly covers with insensibility
Thus providence has given the wretched two advantages over the happy in this
life greater felicity in dying and in heaven all that superiority of pleasure
which arises from contrasted enjoyment And this superiority my friends is no
small advantage and seems to be one of the pleasures of the poor man in the
parable for though he was already in heaven and felt all the raptures it could
give yet it was mentioned as an addition to his happiness that he had once
been wretched and now was comforted that he had known what it was to be
miserable and now felt what it was to be happy
Thus my friends you see religion does what philosophy could never do it
shews the equal dealings of heaven to the happy and the unhappy and levels all
human enjoyments to nearly the same standard It gives to both rich and poor the
same happiness hereafter and equal hopes to aspire after it but if the rich
have the advantage of enjoying pleasure here the poor have the endless
satisfaction of knowing what it was once to be miserable when crowned with
endless felicity hereafter and even though this should be called a small
advantage yet being an eternal one it must make up by duration what the
temporal happiness of the great may have exceeded by intenseness
These are therefore the consolations which the wretched have peculiar to
themselves and in which they are above the rest of mankind in other respects
they are below them They who would know the miseries of the poor must see life
and endure it To declaim on the temporal advantages they enjoy is only
repeating what none either believe or practise The men who have the necessaries
of living are not poor and they who want them must be miserable Yes my
friends we must be miserable No vain efforts of a refined imagination can
sooth the wants of nature can give elastic sweetness to the dank vapour of a
dungeon or ease to the throbbings of a broken heart Let the philosopher from
his couch of softness tell us that we can resist all these Alas the effort by
which we resist them is still the greatest pain Death is slight and any man
may sustain it but torments are dreadful and these no man can endure
To us then my friends the promises of happiness in heaven should be
peculiarly dear for if our reward be in this life alone we are then indeed of
all men the most miserable When I look round these gloomy walls made to
terrify as well as to confine us this light that only serves to shew the
horrors of the place those shackles that tyranny has imposed or crime made
necessary when I survey these emaciated looks and hear those groans O my
friends what a glorious exchange would heaven be for these To fly through
regions unconfined as air to bask in the sunshine of eternal bliss to carrol
over endless hymns of praise to have no master to threaten or insult us but
the form of goodness himself for ever in our eyes when I think of these things
death becomes the messenger of very glad tidings when I think of these things
his sharpest arrow becomes the staff of my support when I think of these
things what is there in life worth having when I think of these things what
is there that should not be spurned away kings in their palaces should groan
for such advantages but we humbled as we are should yearn for them
And shall these things be ours Ours they will certainly be if we but try
for them and what is a comfort we are shut out from many temptations that
would retard our pursuit Only let us try for them and they will certainly be
ours and what is still a comfort shortly too for if we look back on past
life it appears but a very short span and whatever we may think of the rest of
life it will yet be found of less duration as we grow older the days seem to
grow shorter and our intimacy with time ever lessens the perception of his
stay Then let us take comfort now for we shall soon be at our journeys end
we shall soon lay down the heavy burthen laid by heaven upon us and though
death the only friend of the wretched for a little while mocks the weary
traveller with the view and like his horizon still flies before him yet the
time will certainly and shortly come when we shall cease from our toil when
the luxurious great ones of the world shall no more tread us to the earth when
we shall think with pleasure on our sufferings below when we shall be
surrounded with all our friends or such as deserved our friendship when our
bliss shall be unutterable and still to crown all unending
Chap XXX
Happier prospects begin to appear Let us be inflexible and fortune will at
last change in our favour
When I had thus finished and my audience was retired the gaoler who was one of
the most humane of his profession hoped I would not be displeased as what he
did was but his duty observing that he must be obliged to remove my son into a
stronger cell but that he should be permitted to revisit me every morning I
thanked him for his clemency and grasping my boys hand bade him farewell and
be mindful of the great duty that was before him
I again therefore laid me down and one of my little ones sate by my
bedside reading when Mr Jenkinson entering informed me that there was news of
my daughter for that she was seen by a person about two hours before in a
strange gentlemans company and that they had stopt at a neighbouring village
for refreshment and seemed as if returning to town He had scarce delivered
this news when the gaoler came with looks of haste and pleasure to inform me
that my daughter was found Moses came running in a moment after crying out
that his sister Sophy was below and coming up with our old friend Mr Burchell
Just as he delivered this news my dearest girl entered and with looks
almost wild with pleasure ran to kiss me in a transport of affection Her
mothers tears and silence also shewed her pleasure »Here pappa« cried the
charming girl »here is the brave man to whom I owe my delivery to this
gentlemans intrepidity I am indebted for my happiness and safety « A kiss from
Mr Burchell whose pleasure seemed even greater than hers interrupted what she
was going to add
»Ah Mr Burchell« cried I »this is but a wretched habitation you now find
us in and we are now very different from what you last saw us You were ever
our friend we have long discovered our errors with regard to you and repented
of our ingratitude After the vile usage you then received at my hands I am
almost ashamed to behold your face yet I hope youll forgive me as I was
deceived by a base ungenerous wretch who under the mask of friendship has
undone me«
»It is impossible« replied Mr Burchell »that I should forgive you as you
never deserved my resentment I partly saw your delusion then and as it was out
of my power to restrain I could only pity it«
»It was ever my conjecture« cried I »that your mind was noble but now I
find it so But tell me my dear child how hast thou been relieved or who the
ruffians were who carried thee away«
»Indeed Sir« replied she »as to the villain who brought me off I am yet
ignorant For as my mamma and I were walking out he came behind us and almost
before I could call for help forced me into the postchaise and in an instant
the horses drove away I met several on the road to whom I cried out for
assistance but they disregarded my entreaties In the mean time the ruffian
himself used every art to hinder me from crying out he flattered and threatened
by turns and swore that if I continued but silent he intended no harm In the
mean time I had broken the canvas that he had drawn up and whom should I
perceive at some distance but your old friend Mr Burchell walking along with
his usual swiftness with the great stick for which we used so much to ridicule
him As soon as we came within hearing I called out to him by name and
entreated his help I repeated my exclamations several times upon which with a
very loud voice he bid the postillion stop but the boy took no notice but
drove on with still greater speed I now thought he could never overtake us
when in less than a minute I saw Mr Burchell come running up by the side of the
horses and with one blow knock the postillion to the ground The horses when he
was fallen soon stopt of themselves and the ruffian stepping out with oaths
and menaces drew his sword and ordered him at his peril to retire but Mr
Burchell running up shivered his sword to pieces and then pursued him for near
a quarter of a mile but he made his escape I was at this time come out myself
willing to assist my deliverer but he soon returned to me in triumph The
postillion who was recovered was going to make his escape too but Mr
Burchell ordered him at his peril to mount again and drive back to town
Finding it impossible to resist he reluctantly complied though the wound he
had received seemed to me at least to be dangerous He continued to complain
of the pain as we drove along so that he at last excited Mr Burchells
compassion who at my request exchanged him for another at an inn where we
called on our return«
»Welcome then« cried I »my child and thou her gallant deliverer a
thousand welcomes Though our chear is but wretched yet our hearts are ready to
receive you And now Mr Burchell as you have delivered my girl if you think
her a recompence she is yours if you can stoop to an alliance with a family so
poor as mine take her obtain her consent as I know you have her heart and
you have mine And let me tell you Sir that I give you no small treasure she
has been celebrated for beauty it is true but that is not my meaning I give
you up a treasure in her mind«
»But I suppose Sir« cried Mr Burchell »that you are apprized of my
circumstances and of my incapacity to support her as she deserves«
»If your present objection« replied I »be meant as an evasion of my offer
I desist but I know no man so worthy to deserve her as you and if I could give
her thousands and thousands sought her from me yet my honest brave Burchell
should be my dearest choice«
To all this his silence alone seemed to give a mortifying refusal and
without the least reply to my offer he demanded if we could not be furnished
with refreshments from the next inn to which being answered in the affirmative
he ordered them to send in the best dinner that could be provided upon such
short notice He bespoke also a dozen of their best wine and some cordials for
me Adding with a smile that he would stretch a little for once and tho in a
prison asserted he was never better disposed to be merry The waiter soon made
his appearance with preparations for dinner a table was lent us by the gaoler
who seemed remarkably assiduous the wine was disposed in order and two very
welldrest dishes were brought in
My daughter had not yet heard of her poor brothers melancholy situation
and we all seemed unwilling to damp her chearfulness by the relation But it was
in vain that I attempted to appear chearful the circumstances of my unfortunate
son broke through all efforts to dissemble so that I was at last obliged to
damp our mirth by relating his misfortunes and wishing that he might be
permitted to share with us in this little interval of satisfaction After my
guests were recovered from the consternation my account had produced I
requested also that Mr Jenkinson a fellow prisoner might be admitted and the
gaoler granted my request with an air of unusual submission The clanking of my
sons irons was no sooner heard along the passage than his sister ran
impatiently to meet him while Mr Burchell in the mean time asked me if my
sons name were George to which replying in the affirmative he still continued
silent As soon as my boy entered the room I could perceive he regarded Mr
Burchell with a look of astonishment and reverence »Come on« cried I »my son
though we are fallen very low yet providence has been pleased to grant us some
small relaxation from pain Thy sister is restored to us and there is her
deliverer to that brave man it is that I am indebted for yet having a daughter
give him my boy the hand of friendship he deserves our warmest gratitude«
My son seemed all this while regardless of what I said and still continued
fixed at respectful distance »My dear brother« cried his sister »why dont
you thank my good deliverer the brave should ever love each other«
He still continued his silence and astonishment till our guest at last
perceived himself to be known and assuming all his native dignity desired my
son to come forward Never before had I seen any thing so truly majestic as the
air he assumed upon this occasion The greatest object in the universe says a
certain philosopher is a good man struggling with adversity yet there is still
a greater which is the good man that comes to relieve it After he had regarded
my son for some time with a superior air »I again find« said he »unthinking
boy that the same crime « But here he was interrupted by one of the gaolers
servants who came to inform us that a person of distinction who had driven
into town with a chariot and several attendants sent his respects to the
gentleman that was with us and begged to know when he should think proper to be
waited upon »Bid the fellow wait« cried our guest »till I shall have
leisure to receive him« and then turning to my son »I again find Sir«
proceeded he »that you are guilty of the same offence for which you once had my
reproof and for which the law is now preparing its justest punishments You
imagine perhaps that a contempt for your own life gives you a right to take
that of another but where Sir is the difference between a duelist who hazards
a life of no value and the murderer who acts with greater security Is it any
diminution of the gamesters fraud when he alledges that he has staked a
counter«
»Alas Sir« cried I »whoever you are pity the poor misguided creature
for what he has done was in obedience to a deluded mother who in the bitterness
of her resentment required him upon her blessing to avenge her quarrel Here
Sir is the letter which will serve to convince you of her imprudence and
diminish his guilt«
He took the letter and hastily read it over »This« says he »though not a
perfect excuse is such a palliation of his fault as induces me to forgive him
And now Sir« continued he kindly taking my son by the hand »I see you are
surprised at finding me here but I have often visited prisons upon occasions
less interesting I am now come to see justice done a worthy man for whom I
have the most sincere esteem I have long been a disguised spectator of thy
fathers benevolence I have at his little dwelling enjoyed respect
uncontaminated by flattery and have received that happiness that courts could
not give from the amusing simplicity around his fireside My nephew has been
apprized of my intentions of coming here and I find is arrived it would be
wronging him and you to condemn him without examination if there be injury
there shall be redress and this I may say without boasting that none have ever
taxed the injustice of Sir William Thornhill«
We now found the personage whom we had so long entertained as an harmless
amusing companion was no other than the celebrated Sir William Thornhill to
whose virtues and singularities scarce any were strangers The poor Mr Burchell
was in reality a man of large fortune and great interest to whom senates
listened with applause and whom party heard with conviction who was the friend
of his country but loyal to his king My poor wife recollecting her former
familiarity seemed to shrink with apprehension but Sophia who a few moments
before thought him her own now perceiving the immense distance to which he was
removed by fortune was unable to conceal her tears
»Ah Sir« cried my wife with a piteous aspect »how is it possible that I
can ever have your forgiveness the slights you received from me the last time I
had the honour of seeing you at our house and the jokes which I audaciously
threw out these jokes Sir I fear can never be forgiven«
»My dear good lady« returned he with a smile »if you had your joke I had
my answer Ill leave it to all the company if mine were not as good as yours
To say the truth I know no body whom I am disposed to be angry with at present
but the fellow who so frighted my little girl here I had not even time to
examine the rascals person so as to describe him in an advertisement Can you
tell me Sophia my dear whether you should know him again«
»Indeed Sir« replied she »I cant be positive yet now I recollect he had
a large mark over one of his eyebrows« »I ask pardon madam« interrupted
Jenkinson who was by »but be so good as to inform me if the fellow wore his
own red hair« »Yes I think so« cried Sophia »And did your honour«
continued he turning to Sir William »observe the length of his legs« »I
cant be sure of their length« cried the Baronet »but I am convinced of their
swiftness for he outran me which is what I thought few men in the kingdom
could have done« »Please your honour« cried Jenkinson »I know the man it
is certainly the same the best runner in England he has beaten Pinwire of
Newcastle Timothy Baxter is his name I know him perfectly and the very place
of his retreat this moment If your honour will bid Mr Gaoler let two of his
men go with me Ill engage to produce him to you in an hour at farthest« Upon
this the gaoler was called who instantly appearing Sir William demanded if he
knew him »Yes please your honour« replyd the gaoler »I know Sir William
Thornhill well and every body that knows any thing of him will desire to know
more of him« »Well then« said the Baronet »my request is that you will
permit this man and two of your servants to go upon a message by my authority
and as I am in the commission of the peace I undertake to secure you« »Your
promise is sufficient« replied the other »and you may at a minutes warning
send them over England whenever your honour thinks fit«
In pursuance of the gaolers compliance Jenkinson was dispatched in search
of Timothy Baxter while we were amused with the assiduity of our youngest boy
Bill who had just come in and climbed up to Sir Williams neck in order to kiss
him His mother was immediately going to chastise his familiarity but the
worthy man prevented her and taking the child all ragged as he was upon his
knee »What Bill you chubby rogue« cried he »do you remember your old friend
Burchell and Dick too my honest veteran are you here you shall find I have
not forgot you« So saying he gave each a large piece of gingerbread which the
poor fellows eat very heartily as they had got that morning but a very scanty
breakfast
We now sate down to dinner which was almost cold but previously my arm
still continuing painful Sir William wrote a prescription for he had made the
study of physic his amusement and was more than moderately skilled in the
profession this being sent to an apothecary who lived in the place my arm was
dressed and I found almost instantaneous relief We were waited upon at dinner
by the gaoler himself who was willing to do our guest all the honour in his
power But before we had well dined another message was brought from his
nephew desiring permission to appear in order to vindicate his innocence and
honour with which request the Baronet complied and desired Mr Thornhill to be
introduced
Chap XXXI
Former benevolence now repaid with unexpected interest
Mr Thornhill made his entrance with a smile which he seldom wanted and was
going to embrace his uncle which the other repulsed with an air of disdain »No
fawning Sir at present« cried the Baronet with a look of severity »the only
way to my heart is by the road of honour but here I only see complicated
instances of falsehood cowardice and oppression How is it Sir that this
poor man for whom I know you professed a friendship is used thus hardly His
daughter vilely seduced as a recompence for his hospitality and he himself
thrown into a prison perhaps but for resenting the insult His son too whom you
feared to face as a man «
»Is it possible Sir« interrupted his nephew »that my uncle could object
that as a crime which his repeated instructions alone have persuaded me to
avoid«
»Your rebuke« cried Sir William »is just you have acted in this instance
prudently and well though not quite as your father would have done my brother
indeed was the soul of honour but thou yes you have acted in this instance
perfectly right and it has my warmest approbation«
»And I hope« said his nephew »that the rest of my conduct will not be
found to deserve censure I appeared Sir with this gentlemans daughter at
some places of public amusement thus what was levity scandal called by a
harsher name and it was reported that I had debauched her I waited on her
father in person willing to clear the thing to his satisfaction and he
received me only with insult and abuse As for the rest with regard to his
being here my attorney and steward can best inform you as I commit the
management of business entirely to them If he has contracted debts and is
unwilling or even unable to pay them it is their business to proceed in this
manner and I see no hardship or injustice in pursuing the most legal means of
redress«
»If this« cried Sir William »be as you have stated it there is nothing
unpardonable in your offence and though your conduct might have been more
generous in not suffering this gentleman to be oppressed by subordinate tyranny
yet it has been at least equitable«
»He cannot contradict a single particular« replied the Squire »I defy him
to do so and several of my servants are ready to attest what I say Thus Sir«
continued he finding that I was silent for in fact I could not contradict him
»thus Sir my own innocence is vindicated but though at your entreaty I am
ready to forgive this gentleman every other offence yet his attempts to lessen
me in your esteem excite a resentment that I cannot govern And this too at a
time when his son was actually preparing to take away my life this I say was
such guilt that I am determined to let the law take its course I have here the
challenge that was sent me and two witnesses to prove it one of my servants has
been wounded dangerously and even though my uncle himself should dissuade me
which I know he will not yet I will see public justice done and he shall
suffer for it«
»Thou monster« cried my wife »hast thou not had vengeance enough already
but must my poor boy feel thy cruelty I hope that good Sir William will protect
us for my son is as innocent as a child I am sure he is and never did harm to
man«
»Madam« replied the good man »your wishes for his safety are not greater
than mine but I am sorry to find his guilt too plain and if my nephew persists
« But the appearance of Jenkinson and the gaolers two servants now called off
our attention who entered haling in a tall man very genteelly drest and
answering the description already given of the ruffian who had carried off my
daughter »Here« cried Jenkinson pulling him in »here we have him and if
ever there was a candidate for Tyburn this is one«
The moment Mr Thornhill perceived the prisoner and Jenkinson who had him
in custody he seemed to shrink back with terror His face became pale with
conscious guilt and he would have withdrawn but Jenkinson who perceived his
design stopt him »What Squire« cried he »are you ashamed of your two old
acquaintances Jenkinson and Baxter but this is the way that all great men
forget their friends though I am resolved we will not forget you Our prisoner
please your honour« continued he turning to Sir William »has already
confessed all This is the gentleman reported to be so dangerously wounded He
declares that it was Mr Thornhill who first put him upon this affair that he
gave him the cloaths he now wears to appear like a gentleman and furnished him
with the postchaise The plan was laid between them that he should carry off
the young lady to a place of safety and that there he should threaten and
terrify her but Mr Thornhill was to come in in the mean time as if by
accident to her rescue and that they should fight awhile and then he was to
run off by which Mr Thornhill would have the better opportunity of gaining her
affections himself under the character of her defender«
Sir William remembered the coat to have been frequently worn by his nephew
and all the rest the prisoner himself confirmed by a more circumstantial
account concluding that Mr Thornhill had often declared to him that he was in
love with both sisters at the same time
»Heavens« cried Sir William »what a viper have I been fostering in my
bosom And so fond of public justice too as he seemed to be But he shall have
it secure him Mr Gaoler yet hold I fear there is not legal evidence to
detain him«
Upon this Mr Thornhill with the utmost humility entreated that two such
abandoned wretches might not be admitted as evidences against him but that his
servants should be examined »Your servants« replied Sir William »wretch
call them yours no longer but come let us hear what those fellows have to say
let his butler be called«
When the butler was introduced he soon perceived by his former masters
looks that all his power was now over »Tell me« cried Sir William sternly
»have you ever seen your master and that fellow drest up in his cloaths in
company together« »Yes please your honour« cried the butler »a thousand
times he was the man that always brought him his ladies« »How« interrupted
young Mr Thornhill »this to my face« »Yes« replied the butler »or to any
mans face To tell you a truth Master Thornhill I never either loved you or
liked you and I dont care if I tell you now a piece of my mind« »Now then«
cried Jenkinson »tell his honour whether you know any thing of me« »I cant
say« replied the butler »that I know much good of you The night that
gentlemans daughter was deluded to our house you were one of them« »So
then« cried Sir William »I find you have brought a very fine witness to prove
your innocence thou stain to humanity to associate with such wretches« But
continuing his examination »You tell me Mr Butler that this was the person
who brought him this old gentlemans daughter« »No please your honour«
replied the butler »he did not bring her for the Squire himself undertook
that business but he brought the priest that pretended to marry them« »It is
but too true« cried Jenkinson »I cannot deny it that was the employment
assigned me and I confess it to my confusion«
»Good heavens« exclaimed the Baronet »how every new discovery of his
villainy alarms me All his guilt is now too plain and I find his present
prosecution was dictated by tyranny cowardice and revenge at my request Mr
Gaoler set this young officer now your prisoner free and trust to me for the
consequences Ill make it my business to set the affair in a proper light to my
friend the magistrate who has committed him But where is the unfortunate young
lady herself let her appear to confront this wretch I long to know by what
arts he has seduced her honour Entreat her to come in Where is she«
»Ah Sir« said I »that question stings me to the heart I was once indeed
happy in a daughter but her miseries « Another interruption here prevented me
for who should make her appearance but Miss Arabella Wilmot who was next day to
have been married to Mr Thornhill Nothing could equal her surprize at seeing
Sir William and his nephew here before her for her arrival was quite
accidental It happened that she and the old gentleman her father were passing
through the town on their way to her aunts who had insisted that her nuptials
with Mr Thornhill should be consummated at her house but stopping for
refreshment they put up at an inn at the other end of the town It was there
from the window that the young lady happened to observe one of my little boys
playing in the street and instantly sending a footman to bring the child to
her she learnt from him some account of our misfortunes but was still kept
ignorant of young Mr Thornhills being the cause Though her father made
several remonstrances on the impropriety of going to a prison to visit us yet
they were ineffectual she desired the child to conduct her which he did and
it was thus she surprised us at a juncture so unexpected
Nor can I go on without a reflection on those accidental meetings which
though they happen every day seldom excite our surprize but upon some
extraordinary occasion To what a fortuitous concurrence do we not owe every
pleasure and convenience of our lives How many seeming accidents must unite
before we can be cloathed or fed The peasant must be disposed to labour the
shower must fall the wind fill the merchants sail or numbers must want the
usual supply
We all continued silent for some moments while my charming pupil which was
the name I generally gave this young lady united in her looks compassion and
astonishment which gave new finishings to her beauty »Indeed my dear Mr
Thornhill« cried she to the Squire who she supposed was come here to succour
and not to oppress us »I take it a little unkindly that you should come here
without me or never inform me of the situation of a family so dear to us both
you know I should take as much pleasure in contributing to the relief of my
reverend old master here whom I shall ever esteem as you can But I find that
like your uncle you take a pleasure in doing good in secret«
»He find pleasure in doing good« cried Sir William interrupting her »No
my dear his pleasures are as base as he is You see in him madam as complete
a villain as ever disgraced humanity A wretch who after having deluded this
poor mans daughter after plotting against the innocence of her sister has
thrown the father into prison and the eldest son into fetters because he had
courage to face his betrayer And give me leave madam now to congratulate you
upon an escape from the embraces of such a monster«
»O goodness« cried the lovely girl »how have I been deceived Mr
Thornhill informed me for certain that this gentlemans eldest son Captain
Primrose was gone off to America with his newmarried lady«
»My sweetest miss« cried my wife »he has told you nothing but falsehoods
My son George never left the kingdom nor never was married Tho you have
forsaken him he has always loved you too well to think of any body else and I
have heard him say he would die a batchellor for your sake« She then proceeded
to expatiate upon the sincerity of her sons passion she set his duel with Mr
Thornhill in a proper light from thence she made a rapid digression to the
Squires debaucheries his pretended marriages and ended with a most insulting
picture of his cowardice
»Good heavens« cried Miss Wilmot »how very near have I been to the brink
of ruin But how great is my pleasure to have escaped it Ten thousand
falsehoods has this gentleman told me He had at last art enough to persuade me
that my promise to the only man I esteemed was no longer binding since he had
been unfaithful By his falsehoods I was taught to detest one equally brave and
generous«
But by this time my son was freed from the incumbrances of justice as the
person supposed to be wounded was detected to be an impostor Mr Jenkinson
also who had acted as his valet de chambre had dressed up his hair and
furnished him with whatever was necessary to make a genteel appearance He now
therefore entered handsomely drest in his regimentals and without vanity
for I am above it he appeared as handsome a fellow as ever wore a military
dress As he entered he made Miss Wilmot a modest and distant bow for he was
not as yet acquainted with the change which the eloquence of his mother had
wrought in his favour But no decorums could restrain the impatience of his
blushing mistress to be forgiven Her tears her looks all contributed to
discover the real sensations of her heart for having forgotten her former
promise and having suffered herself to be deluded by an impostor My son
appeared amazed at her condescension and could scarce believe it real »Sure
madam« cried he »this is but delusion I can never have merited this To be
blest thus is to be too happy« »No Sir« replied she »I have been deceived
basely deceived else nothing could have ever made me unjust to my promise You
know my friendship you have long known it but forget what I have done and as
you once had my warmest vows of constancy you shall now have them repeated and
be assured that if your Arabella cannot be yours she shall never be anothers«
»And no others you shall be« cried Sir William »if I have any influence
with your father«
This hint was sufficient for my son Moses who immediately flew to the inn
where the old gentleman was to inform him of every circumstance that had
happened But in the mean time the Squire perceiving that he was on every side
undone now finding that no hopes were left from flattery or dissimulation
concluded that his wisest way would be to turn and face his pursuers Thus
laying aside all shame he appeared the open hardy villain »I find then« cried
he »that I am to expect no justice here but I am resolved it shall be done me
You shall know Sir« turning to Sir William »I am no longer a poor dependant
upon your favours I scorn them Nothing can keep Miss Wilmots fortune from me
which I thank her fathers assiduity is pretty large The articles and a bond
for her fortune are signed and safe in my possession It was her fortune not
her person that induced me to wish for this match and possessed of the one
let who will take the other«
This was an alarming blow Sir William was sensible of the justice of his
claims for he had been instrumental in drawing up the marriage articles
himself Miss Wilmot therefore perceiving that her fortune was irretrievably
lost turning to my son she asked if the loss of fortune could lessen her value
to him »Though fortune« said she »is out of my power at least I have my hand
to give«
»And that madam« cried her real lover »was indeed all that you ever had
to give at least all that I ever thought worth the acceptance And now I
protest my Arabella by all thats happy your want of fortune this moment
encreases my pleasure as it serves to convince my sweet girl of my sincerity«
Mr Wilmot now entering he seemed not a little pleased at the danger his
daughter had just escaped and readily consented to a dissolution of the match
But finding that her fortune which was secured to Mr Thornhill by bond would
not be given up nothing could exceed his disappointment He now saw that his
money must all go to enrich one who had no fortune of his own He could bear his
being a rascal but to want an equivalent to his daughters fortune was
wormwood He sate therefore for some minutes employed in the most mortifying
speculations till Sir William attempted to lessen his anxiety »I must
confess Sir« cried he »that your present disappointment does not entirely
displease me Your immoderate passion for wealth is now justly punished But
tho the young lady cannot be rich she has still a competence sufficient to
give content Here you see an honest young soldier who is willing to take her
without fortune they have long loved each other and for the friendship I bear
his father my interest shall not be wanting in his promotion Leave then that
ambition which disappoints you and for once admit that happiness which courts
your acceptance«
»Sir William« replied the old gentleman »be assured I never yet forced her
inclinations nor will I now If she still continues to love this young
gentleman let her have him with all my heart There is still thank heaven
some fortune left and your promise will make it something more Only let my old
friend here meaning me give me a promise of settling six thousand pounds upon
my girl if ever he should come to his fortune and I am ready this night to be
the first to join them together«
As it now remained with me to make the young couple happy I readily gave a
promise of making the settlement he required which to one who had such little
expectations as I was no great favour We had now therefore the satisfaction of
seeing them fly into each others arms in a transport »After all my
misfortunes« cried my son George »to be thus rewarded Sure this is more than
I could ever have presumed to hope for To be possessed of all thats good and
after such an interval of pain My warmest wishes could never rise so high«
»Yes my George« returned his lovely bride »now let the wretch take my
fortune since you are happy without it so am I O what an exchange have I made
from the basest of men to the dearest best Let him enjoy our fortune I now
can be happy even in indigence« »And I promise you« cried the Squire with
a malicious grin »that I shall be very happy with what you despise« »Hold
hold Sir« cried Jenkinson »there are two words to that bargain As for that
ladys fortune Sir you shall never touch a single stiver of it Pray your
honour« continued he to Sir William »can the Squire have this ladys fortune
if he be married to another« »How can you make such a simple demand« replied
the Baronet »undoubtedly he cannot« »I am sorry for that« cried Jenkinson
»for as this gentleman and I have been old fellow sporters I have a friendship
for him But I must declare well as I love him that his contract is not worth
a tobacco stopper for he is married already« »You lie like a rascal«
returned the Squire who seemed rouzed by this insult »I never was legally
married to any woman« »Indeed begging your honours pardon« replied the
other »you were and I hope you will shew a proper return of friendship to your
own honest Jenkinson who brings you a wife and if the company restrains their
curiosity a few minutes they shall see her« So saying he went off with his
usual celerity and left us all unable to form any probable conjecture as to his
design »Ay let him go« cried the Squire »whatever else I may have done I
defy him there I am too old now to be frightened with squibs«
»I am surprised« said the Baronet »what the fellow can intend by this
Some low piece of humour I suppose« »Perhaps Sir« replied I »he may have a
more serious meaning For when we reflect on the various schemes this gentleman
has laid to seduce innocence perhaps some one more artful than the rest has
been found able to deceive him When we consider what numbers he has ruined how
many parents now feel with anguish the infamy and the contamination which he has
brought into their families it would not surprise me if some one of them
Amazement Do I see my lost daughter Do I hold her It is it is my life my
happiness I thought thee lost my Olivia yet still I hold thee and still
thou shalt live to bless me« The warmest transports of the fondest lover were
not greater than mine when I saw him introduce my child and held my daughter in
my arms whose silence only spoke her raptures »And art thou returned to me my
darling« cried I »to be my comfort in age« »That she is« cried Jenkinson
»and make much of her for she is your own honourable child and as honest a
woman as any in the whole room let the other be who she will And as for you
Squire as sure as you stand there this young lady is your lawful wedded wife
And to convince you that I speak nothing but truth here is the licence by which
you were married together« So saying he put the licence into the Baronets
hands who read it and found it perfect in every respect »And now gentlemen«
continued he »I find you are surprised at all this but a few words will
explain the difficulty That there Squire of renown for whom I have a great
friendship but thats between ourselves has often employed me in doing odd
little things for him Among the rest he commissioned me to procure him a false
licence and a false priest in order to deceive this young lady But as I was
very much his friend what did I do but went and got a true licence and a true
priest and married them both as fast as the cloth could make them Perhaps
youll think it was generosity that made me do all this But no To my shame I
confess it my only design was to keep the licence and let the Squire know that
I could prove it upon him whenever I thought proper and so make him come down
whenever I wanted money« A burst of pleasure now seemed to fill the whole
apartment our joy reached even to the common room where the prisoners
themselves sympathized
And shook their chains
In transport and rude harmony
Happiness was expanded upon every face and even Olivias cheek seemed flushed
with pleasure To be thus restored to reputation to friends and fortune at
once was a rapture sufficient to stop the progress of decay and restore former
health and vivacity But perhaps among all there was not one who felt sincerer
pleasure than I Still holding the dearloved child in my arms I asked my heart
if these transports were not delusion »How could you« cried I turning to Mr
Jenkinson »how could you add to my miseries by the story of her death But it
matters not my pleasure at finding her again is more than a recompence for the
pain«
»As to your question« replied Jenkinson »that is easily answered I
thought the only probable means of freeing you from prison was by submitting to
the Squire and consenting to his marriage with the other young lady But these
you had vowed never to grant while your daughter was living there was therefore
no other method to bring things to bear but by persuading you that she was dead
I prevailed on your wife to join in the deceit and we have not had a fit
opportunity of undeceiving you till now«
In the whole assembly now there only appeared two faces that did not glow
with transport Mr Thornhills assurance had entirely forsaken him he now saw
the gulph of infamy and want before him and trembled to take the plunge He
therefore fell on his knees before his uncle and in a voice of piercing misery
implored compassion Sir William was going to spurn him away but at my request
he raised him and after pausing a few moments »Thy vices crimes and
ingratitude« cried he »deserve no tenderness yet thou shalt not be entirely
forsaken a bare competence shall be supplied to support the wants of life but
not its follies This young lady thy wife shall be put in possession of a
third part of that fortune which once was thine and from her tenderness alone
thou art to expect any extraordinary supplies for the future« He was going to
express his gratitude for such kindness in a set speech but the Baronet
prevented him by bidding him not aggravate his meanness which was already but
too apparent He ordered him at the same time to be gone and from all his
former domestics to chuse one such as he should think proper which was all that
should be granted to attend him
As soon as he left us Sir William very politely stept up to his new niece
with a smile and wished her joy His example was followed by Miss Wilmot and
her father my wife too kissed her daughter with much affection as to use her
own expression she was now made an honest woman of Sophia and Moses followed
in turn and even our benefactor Jenkinson desired to be admitted to that
honour Our satisfaction seemed scarce capable of increase Sir William whose
greatest pleasure was in doing good now looked round with a countenance open as
the sun and saw nothing but joy in the looks of all except that of my daughter
Sophia who for some reasons we could not comprehend did not seem perfectly
satisfied »I think now« cried he with a smile »that all the company except
one or two seem perfectly happy There only remain an act of justice for me to
do You are sensible Sir« continued he turning to me »of the obligations we
both owe Mr Jenkinson And it is but just we should both reward him for it
Miss Sophia will I am sure make him very happy and he shall have from me five
hundred pounds as her fortune and upon this I am sure they can live very
comfortably together Come Miss Sophia what say you to this match of my
making Will you have him« My poor girl seemed almost sinking into her
mothers arms at the hideous proposal »Have him Sir« cried she faintly
»No Sir never« »What« cried he again »not have Mr Jenkinson your
benefactor an handsome young fellow with five hundred pounds and good
expectations« »I beg Sir« returned she scarce able to speak »that youll
desist and not make me so very wretched« »Was ever such obstinacy known«
cried he again »to refuse a man whom the family has such infinite obligations
to who has preserved your sister and who has five hundred pounds What not
have him« »No Sir never« replied she angrily »Id sooner die first«
»If that be the case then« cried he »if you will not have him I think I must
have you myself« And so saying he caught her to his breast with ardour »My
loveliest my most sensible of girls« cried he »how could you ever think your
own Burchell could deceive you or that Sir William Thornhill could ever cease
to admire a mistress that loved him for himself alone I have for some years
sought for a woman who a stranger to my fortune could think that I had merit as
a man After having tried in vain even amongst the pert and the ugly how great
at last must be my rapture to have made a conquest over such sense and such
heavenly beauty« Then turning to Jenkinson »As I cannot Sir part with this
young lady myself for she has taken a fancy to the cut of my face all the
recompence I can make is to give you her fortune and you may call upon my
steward tomorrow for five hundred pounds« Thus we had all our compliments to
repeat and Lady Thornhill underwent the same round of ceremony that her sister
had done before In the mean time Sir Williams gentleman appeared to tell us
that the equipages were ready to carry us to the inn where every thing was
prepared for our reception My wife and I led the van and left those gloomy
mansions of sorrow The generous Baronet ordered forty pounds to be distributed
among the prisoners and Mr Wilmot induced by his example gave half that sum
We were received below by the shouts of the villagers and I saw and shook by
the hand two or three of my honest parishioners who were among the number They
attended us to our inn where a sumptuous entertainment was provided and
coarser provisions distributed in great quantities among the populace
After supper as my spirits were exhausted by the alternation of pleasure
and pain which they had sustained during the day I asked permission to
withdraw and leaving the company in the midst of their mirth as soon as I
found myself alone I poured out my heart in gratitude to the giver of joy as
well as of sorrow and then slept undisturbed till morning
Chap XXXII
The Conclusion
The next morning as soon as I awaked I found my eldest son sitting by my
bedside who came to encrease my joy with another turn of fortune in my favour
First having released me from the settlement that I had made the day before in
his favour he let me know that my merchant who had failed in town was arrested
at Antwerp and there had given up effects to a much greater amount than what
was due to his creditors My boys generosity pleased me almost as much as this
unlooked for good fortune But I had some doubts whether I ought in justice to
accept his offer While I was pondering upon this Sir William entered the room
to whom I communicated my doubts His opinion was that as my son was already
possessed of a very affluent fortune by his marriage I might accept his offer
without any hesitation His business however was to inform me that as he had
the night before sent for the licences and expected them every hour he hoped
that I would not refuse my assistance in making all the company happy that
morning A footman entered while we were speaking to tell us that the messenger
was returned and as I was by this time ready I went down where I found the
whole company as merry as affluence and innocence could make them However as
they were now preparing for a very solemn ceremony their laughter entirely
displeased me I told them of the grave becoming and sublime deportment they
should assume upon this mystical occasion and read them two homilies and a
thesis of my own composing in order to prepare them Yet they still seemed
perfectly refractory and ungovernable Even as we were going along to church to
which I led the way all gravity had quite forsaken them and I was often
tempted to turn back in indignation In church a new dilemma arose which
promised no easy solution This was which couple should be married first my
sons bride warmly insisted that Lady Thornhill that was to be should take
the lead but this the other refused with equal ardour protesting she would not
be guilty of such rudeness for the world The argument was supported for some
time between both with equal obstinacy and good breeding But as I stood all
this time with my book ready I was at last quite tired of the contest and
shutting it »I perceive« cried I »that none of you have a mind to be married
and I think we had as good go back again for I suppose there will be no
business done here today« This at once reduced them to reason The Baronet
and his Lady were first married and then my son and his lovely partner
I had previously that morning given orders that a coach should be sent for
my honest neighbour Flamborough and his family by which means upon our return
to the inn we had the pleasure of finding the two Miss Flamboroughs alighted
before us Mr Jenkinson gave his hand to the eldest and my son Moses led up
the other and I have since found that he has taken a real liking to the girl
and my consent and bounty he shall have whenever he thinks proper to demand
them We were no sooner returned to the inn but numbers of my parishioners
hearing of my success came to congratulate me but among the rest were those
who rose to rescue me and whom I formerly rebuked with such sharpness I told
the story to Sir William my soninlaw who went out and reproved them with
great severity but finding them quite disheartened by his harsh reproof he
gave them half a guinea a piece to drink his health and raise their dejected
spirits
Soon after this we were called to a very genteel entertainment which was
drest by Mr Thornhills cook And it may not be improper to observe with
respect to that gentleman that he now resides in quality of companion at a
relations house being very well liked and seldom sitting at the sidetable
except when there is no room at the other for they make no stranger of him His
time is pretty much taken up in keeping his relation who is a little
melancholy in spirits and in learning to blow the Frenchhorn My eldest
daughter however still remembers him with regret and she has even told me
though I make a great secret of it that when he reforms she may be brought to
relent But to return for I am not apt to digress thus when we were to sit
down to dinner our ceremonies were going to be renewed The question was whether
my eldest daughter as being a matron should not sit above the two young
brides but the debate was cut short by my son George who proposed that the
company should sit indiscriminately every gentleman by his lady This was
received with great approbation by all excepting my wife who I could perceive
was not perfectly satisfied as she expected to have had the pleasure of sitting
at the head of the table and carving all the meat for all the company But
notwithstanding this it is impossible to describe our good humour I cant say
whether we had more wit amongst us now than usual but I am certain we had more
laughing which answered the end as well One jest I particularly remember old
Mr Wilmot drinking to Moses whose head was turned another way my son replied
»Madam I thank you« Upon which the old gentleman winking upon the rest of the
company observed that he was thinking of his mistress At which jest I thought
the two miss Flamboroughs would have died with laughing As soon as dinner was
over according to my old custom I requested that the table might be taken
away to have the pleasure of seeing all my family assembled once more by a
chearful fireside My two little ones sat upon each knee the rest of the
company by their partners I had nothing now on this side of the grave to wish
for all my cares were over my pleasure was unspeakable It now only remained
that my gratitude in good fortune should exceed my former submission in
adversity
Finis