HOME INFLUENCE
A Tale
FOR MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS
BY GRACE AGUILAR
PART I
THE SISTERS
CHAPTER I
A LAUNCH—A PROMISE—A NEW RELATION
In a very beautiful part of Wales between the northern boundaries of Glamorgan and the southeastern of Carmarthenshire there stood some twenty or thirty years ago a small straggling village Its locality was so completely concealed that the appearance of a gentlemans carriage or in fact any vehicle superior to a light springcart was of such extremely rare occurence as to be dated in the annals of Llangwillan as a remarkable event providing the simple villagers with amusing wonderment for weeks
The village was scattered over the side of a steep and rugged hill and on the east emerging from a thick hedge of yews and larches peeped forth the picturesque old church whose tincoated spire glittering in the faintest sunshine removed all appearance of gloom from the thick trees and seemed to whisper whatever darkness lingered round light was always shining there The churchyard which the yews and larches screened was a complete natural garden from the lowly cottage flowers planted by loving hands over many a grassy grave and so hallowed that not a child would pluck them however tempted by their luxuriance and beauty A pretty cottage whose white walls were covered with jasmine roses and honeysuckle marked the humble residence of the village minister who though in worldly rank only a poor curate from his spiritual gifts deserved a much higher grade
A gurgling stream ran leaping and sparkling over the craggy hill till it formed a deep wide bed for itself along the road leading to the nearest town embanked on one side by a tall leafy hedge and on the other by rich grass and meadow flowers By the side of this stream groups of village children were continually found sometimes reaching for some particular flower or insect or floating pieces of wood with a twig stuck upright within them as tiny fleets but this amusement had given place the last ten days to the greater excitement of watching the progress of a miniature frigate the workmanship of a young lad who had only very lately become an inmate of the village All had been at length completed sails ropes and masts with a degree of neatness and beauty showing not only ingenuity but observation and one lovely summer evening the ceremony of launching took place For a few minutes she tottered and reeled amid the tiny breakers then suddenly regained her equilibrium and dashed gallantly along A loud shout burst from the group from all save the owner a beautiful boy of some twelve years who contented himself with raising his slight figure to its full height and looking proudly and triumphantly round him One glance would suffice to satisfy that his rank in life was far superior to that of his companions and that he condescended from circumstances not from choice to mingle with them So absorbed was the general attention that the very unusual sound of carriagewheels was unremarked until close beside them and then so astounding was the sight of a private carriage and the coachmans very simple question if that road led to the village that all hung back confused The owner of the little vessel however answered proudly and briefly in the affirmative And can you direct me my good boy inquired a lady looking from the window and smiling kindly at the abashed group to the residence of Mrs Fortescue it is out of the village is it not
Mrs Fortescue repeated the boy eagerly and gladly and his cap was off his head in a moment and the bright sunshine streamed on a face of such remarkable beauty and withal so familiar that though the lady bent eagerly forward to address him emotion so choked her voice that the lad was enabled to reply to her inquiry and direct the coachman to the only inn of the village and they had driven off before words returned
The boy looked eagerly after them then desiring one of his companions to meet the lady at the inn and guide her to the cottage caught up his little vessel and darted off across some fields which led by a shorter cut to the same place
It was a very humble dwelling so surrounded by hills that their shadow always seemed to overhang it yet within the happy temper of a poor widow and her daughter kept up a perpetual sunshine Three weeks previous to the evening we have mentioned a lady and two children had arrived at Llangwillan unable to proceed farther from the severe indisposition of the former They were unattended and the driver only knew that their destination was Swansea he believed they had been shipwrecked off Pembroke and that the poor lady was very ill when she commenced her journey but the curious inquiries of the villagers could elicit nothing more Mr Myrvin with characteristic benevolence devoted himself to insuring as far as he could the comfort of the invalid had her removed from the inn to Widow Morgans cottage confident that there she would at least be nursed with tenderness and care and so near him as to permit his constant watchfulness But a very few days too sadly convinced him not only that her disease was mortal but that his presence and gentle accents irritated instead of soothed Illtemper and selfwill seemed to increase with the weakness which every day rendered her longing to continue her journey more and more futile It was some days before she could even be persuaded to write to the relative she was about to seek so determined was she that she would get well and when the letter was forwarded and long before an answer could have been received for twenty years ago there were no railroads to carry on epistolary communication as now fretfulness and despondency increased physical suffering by the determined conviction that she was abandoned her children would be left uncared for In vain Mr Myrvin assured her of the impossibility yet to receive a reply that the direction might not even have been distinct enough for her memory had failed her in dictating it she knew she was deserted she might have deserved it but her Edward was innocent and it was very hard on him As selfwill subsided in physical exhaustion misery increased A restless torturing remembrance seemed to have taken possession of her which all the efforts of the earnest clergyman were utterly ineffectual to remove She would not listen to the peace he proffered and so painfully did his gentle eloquence appear to irritate instead of calm that he desisted earnestly praying that her sister might answer the letter in person and by removing anxiety prepare the mind for better thoughts
One object alone had power to bring something like a smile to that altered but still most beautiful countenance conquer even irritation and still create intervals of pleasure—it was her son the same beautiful boy we have already noticed and whose likeness to herself was so extraordinary that it would have been almost too feminine a beauty had it not been for the sparkling animated expression of every feature and the manly selfpossession which characterized his every movement That he should be his mothers idol was not very surprising for the indiscreet and lavish indulgence which had been his from birth had not yet had power to shake his doating fondness for his mother or interfere with her happiness by the visible display of the faults which her weakness had engendered Caressingly affectionate openhearted generous and ever making her his first object perhaps even a more penetrating mother would have seen nothing to dread but all to love His uncontrolled passion at the slightest cross his haughty pride and indomitable will toward all save her but increased her affection And when he was with her which he was very often considering that a sick close room would have been utterly repugnant to him had it not contained his mother Mrs Fortescue was actually happy But it was a happiness only increasing her intensity of suffering when her son was absent Hide it from herself as she might the truth would press upon her that she was dying and her darling must be left to the care of relations indeed but utter strangers to him and unlikely to treat him as she had done She knew that he had what strict disciplinarians as she chose to regard her sister and her husband would term and treat as serious faults while she felt them actually virtues and agony for him in the dread of what he might be called upon to endure would deluge her pillow with passionate tears and shake her slight frame as with convulsion
The day we have mentioned Edward had been absent longer than usual and toward evening Mrs Fortescue awoke from a troubled sleep to brood over these thoughts till they had produced their usual effect in tears and sobs the more painful to witness from the increasing physical incapacity to struggle with them
A little girl between ten and eleven years old was seated on a low wooden stool half concealed by the coarse curtain of the bed employed in sewing some bright gilt buttons on a blue jacket It seemed hard work for those small delicate hands but she did not look up from her task till roused by the too familiar sound of her mothers suffering and then as she raised her head and flung back the heavy and somewhat disordered ringlets the impulse seemed to be to spring up and try to soothe but a mournful expression quickly succeeded and she sat several minutes without moving At length as Mrs Fortescues sobs seemed almost to suffocate her the child gently bent over her saying very timidly Dear mamma shall I call widow Morgan or can I get any thing for you and without waiting for a reply save the angry negative to the first question she held a glass of water to her mothers lips and bathed her forehead After a few minutes Mrs Fortescue revived sufficiently to inquire where Edward was
He has gone down to the stream to launch his little frigate mamma and asked me to fasten these buttons on his jacket to make it look like a sailors meanwhile I do not think he will be very long now
Mrs Fortescue made no rejoinder except to utter aloud those thoughts which had caused her previous paroxysm and her little girl after a very evident struggle with her own painful timidity ventured to say
But why should you fear so much for Edward dear mamma Every body loves him and admires him so I am sure my aunt and uncle will
Your aunt may for my sake but she will not love or bear with his childish faults as I have done and your uncle is such a harsh stern man that there is little hope for his forbearance with my poor Edward And he is so frank and bold he will not know how even to conceal his boyish errors and he will be punished and his fine spirit broken and who will be there to shield and soothe him
I may be able sometimes mamma and indeed indeed I will whenever I can replied her child with affecting earnestness I love him so very very much and I know he is so much better than I am that it will be very easy to help him whenever I can
Will you promise me Ellen will you really promise me to shield him and save him from harshness whenever it is in your power exclaimed Mrs Fortescue so eagerly that she half raised herself and pressed Ellen to her with an appearance of affection so unusual and a kiss so warm that that moment never passed from the childs mind and the promise she gave was registered in her own heart with a solemnity and firmness of purpose little imagined by her mother who when she demanded it conceived neither its actual purport nor extent she only felt relieved that Edward would have some one by him to love him and enable him to conceal his errors if he should commit any
Had she studied and known the character of Ellen as she did that of her son that promise would perhaps never have been asked nor would she so incautiously and mistakenly have laid so great a stress upon concealment as the only sure means of guarding from blame From her childhood Mrs Fortescue had been a creature of passion and impulse and maternity had unhappily not altered one tittle of her character In what manner or at what cost Ellen might be enabled to keep that promise never entered her mind It had never been her wont even in days of health to examine or reflect and present weakness permitted only the morbid indulgence of one exaggerated thought
For several minutes she lay quite silent and Ellen resumed her seat and work her temples throbbing she knew not why and a vain longing to throw her arms round her mothers neck and entreat her only for one more kiss one other word of love and the consciousness that she dared not caused the hot tears to rush into her eyes and almost blind her but she would not let them fall for she had learned long ago that while Edwards tears only excited soothing and caresses hers always called forth irritation and reproof
Joy joy Mother darling exclaimed an eager voice some minutes afterward and Edward bounded into the room and throwing himself by his mothers side kissed her pale cheek again and again Such joy My ship sailed so beautifully I quite longed for you to see it and you will one day when you get well and strong again and I know you will soon now for I am sure aunt Emmeline will very soon come and then then you will be so happy and we shall all be happy again
Mrs Fortescue pressed him closer and closer to her returning his kisses with such passionate fondness that tears mingled with them and fell upon his cheek
Dont cry mamma dear indeed indeed my aunt will soon come Do you know I think I have seen her and spoken to her too
Seen her Edward You mean you have dreamed about her and so fancy you have seen her but the eager anxious look she fixed upon him evinced more hope than her words
No no mamma as we were watching my ship a carriage passed us and a lady spoke to me and asked me the way to the cottage where you lived and I am sure it is aunt Emmeline from her smile
It can not be murmured his mother sadly unless— and her countenance brightened Did she speak to you Edward as if she knew you recognized you from your likeness to me
No mamma there was no time the carriage drove off again so quickly but hush I am sure I hear her voice down stairs and he sprung up from the bed and listened eagerly Yes yes I am right and she is coming up no its only widow Morgan but I am sure it is my aunt by your face he added impatiently as Mrs Morgan tried by signs to beg him to be more cautious and not to agitate his mother Why dont you let her come up and springing down the whole flight of stairs in two bounds he rushed into the little parlor caught hold of the ladys dress and exclaimed You are my aunt my own dear aunt do come up to mamma she has been wanting you so long so very long and you will make her well dear aunt will you not
Oh that I may be allowed to do so dear boy was the painfully agitated reply and she hastened up the stairs
But to Edwards grief and astonishment so little was he conscious of his mothers exhausted state the sight of his aunt prepared in some measure as she was seemed to bring increase of suffering instead of joy There was a convulsive effort for speech a passionate return of her sisters embrace and she fainted Edward in terror flung himself beside her entreating her not to look so pale but to wake and speak to him Ellen with a quickness and decision which even at that moment caused her aunt to look at her with astonishment applied the usual restoratives evincing no unusual alarm and a careless observer might have said no feeling but it was only a momentary thought which Mrs Hamilton could give to Ellen every feeling was engrossed in the deep emotion with which she gazed on the faded form and altered face of that still beloved though erring one who when she had last beheld her thirteen years previous was bright buoyant lovely as the boy beside them Her voice yet more than the proffered remedies seemed to recall life and after a brief interval the choking thought found words
My father my father Oh Emmeline I know that he is dead My disobedience my ingratitude for all his too indulgent love killed him—I know it did But did he curse me Emmeline did all his love turn to wrath as it ought to have done did—
Dearest Eleanor replied Mrs Hamilton with earnest tenderness dismiss such painful thoughts at once our poor father did feel your conduct deeply but he forgave it would have received your husband caressed loved you as before had you but returned to him and so loved you to the last moment that your name was the last word upon his lips But this is no subject for such youthful auditors she continued interrupting herself as she met Edwards bright eyes fixed wonderingly upon her face and noticed the excessive paleness of Ellens cheek You look weary my love she said kindly drawing her niece to her and affectionately kissing her Edward has made his own acquaintance with me why did you not do so too But go now into the garden for a little while I am sure you want fresh air and I will take your place as nurse mean while Will you trust me
And the kind smile which accompanied her words gave Ellen courage to return her kiss but she left the room without speaking Edward required more persuasion and the moment he was permitted he returned seated himself on a stool at his aunts feet laid his head on her lap and remained for nearly an hour quite silent watching with her the calm slumbers which had followed the agitating conversation between them Mrs Hamilton was irresistibly attracted toward him and rather wondered that Ellen should stay away so long She did not know that Edward had spent almost the whole of that day in the joyous sports natural to his age and that it had been many weary days and nights since Ellen had quitted her mothers room
CHAPTER II
GLIMPSES INTO A CHILDS HEART—A DEATHBED
On leaving the cottage Ellen hastily traversed the little garden and entered a narrow lane leading to Mr Myrvins dwelling Her little heart was swelling high within her and the confinement she had endured the constant control she exercised for fear she should add to her mothers irritation combined with the extreme delicacy of natural constitution had so weakened her as to render the slightest exertion painful She had been so often reproved as fretful and illtempered whenever in tears that she always checked and concealed them She had been so frequently told that she did not know what affection was that she was so inanimate and cold that though she did not understand the actual meaning of the words she believed she was different to any one else and was unhappy without knowing why Compared with her brother she certainly was neither a pretty nor an engaging child Weakly from her birth her residence in India had increased constitutional delicacy and while to a watchful eye the expression of her countenance denoted constant suffering the heedless and superficial observer would condemn it as peevishness and so unnatural to a young child that nothing but confirmed illtemper could have produced it The soft beautifullyformed black eye was too large for her other features and the sallowness of her complexion the heavy tresses of very dark hair caused her to be remarked as a very plain child which in reality she was not Accustomed to hear beauty extolled above every thing else beholding it in her mother and brother and imagining it was Edwards great beauty that always made him so beloved and petted an evildisposed child would have felt nothing but envy and dislike toward him But Ellen felt neither She loved him devotedly but that any one could love her now that the only one who ever had—her idolized father—was dead she thought impossible
Why her heart and temples beat so quickly as she left her mothers room—why the promise she had so lately made should so cling to her mind that even her aunts arrival could not remove it—why she felt so giddy and weak as to render walking painful the poor child could not have told but unable at length to go farther she sat down on a grassy bank and believing herself quite alone cried bitterly Several minutes passed and she did not look up till a wellknown voice inquired—
Dear Ellen what is the matter What has happened to grieve you so today wont you tell me
Indeed indeed I do not know dear Arthur I only feel—feel—as if I had not so much strength as I had a few days ago—and and I could not help crying
You are not well Ellen replied her companion a fine lad of sixteen and Mr Myrvins only son You are looking paler than I ever saw you before let me call my father You know he is always pleased when he sees you and he hoped you would have been to us before today come with me to him now
No Arthur indeed I can not he will think I have forgotten all he said to me the last time I saw him and indeed I have not—but I—I do not know what is the matter with me today
And in spite of all her efforts to restrain them the tears would burst forth afresh and Arthur finding all his efforts at consolation ineffectual contented himself with putting his arm round her and kissing them away A few minutes afterward his father appeared
In tears my dear Ellen he said kindly your mother is not worse I hope
I do not know sir replied the child as well as her tears would permit she has been very ill just now for her faint was longer than usual
Did any thing particular occasion it
I think it was seeing my aunt Mamma was very much agitated before and afterward
Mrs Hamilton has arrived then I am rejoiced to hear it replied Mr Myrvin gladly Then sitting down by Ellen he took one of her hands in his and said kindly Something has grieved my little girl this evening I will not ask what it is because you may not like to tell me but you must not imagine evils Ellen I know you have done and are doing the duty of a good affectionate child nursing your suffering mother bearing with intervals of impatience which her invalid state occasions and giving up all your own wishes to sit quietly by her I have not seen you my child but I know those who have and this has pleased me and what is of much more consequence it proves you have not forgotten all I told you of your Father in Heaven that even a little child can try to love and serve Him
But have you not told me those who are good are always happy inquired Ellen then I can not be good though indeed I try to be so for I do not think I am happy for I can never laugh and sing and talk as Edward does
You are not in such strong health as your brother my dear little girl and you have had many things to make you unhappy which Edward has not But you must try and remember that even if it please God that sometimes you should be more sorrowful than other children He loves you notwithstanding I am sure you have not forgotten the story of Joseph that I told you a few Sundays ago God so loved him as to give him the power of foretelling future events and enabling him to do a great deal of good but when he was taken away from his father and sold as a slave and cast into prison among cruel strangers he could not have been very happy Ellen Yet still young as he was little more than a child in those days and thrown among those who did not know right from wrong he remembered all that his father had taught him and prayed to God and tried to love and obey Him and God was pleased with him and gave him grace to continue good and at last so blessed him as to permit him to see his dear father and darling brother again
But Joseph was his fathers favorite child was Ellens sole rejoinder and the tears which were checked in the eagerness with which she had listened seemed again ready to burst forth He must have been happy when he thought of that
I do not think so my dear Ellen replied Mr Myrvin more moved than he chose to betray for being his fathers favorite first excited the dislike and envy of his brothers and caused them to wish to send him away There was no excuse indeed for their conduct but perhaps if Joseph had always remained near his father he might have been spoiled by too great indulgence and never become as good as he afterward was Perhaps in his solitary prison he might even have regretted that his father had not treated them all alike as then the angry feelings of his brothers would not have been called forth So you see being a favorite will not always make us happy Ellen It is indeed very delightful to be loved and caressed and if we try to do our duty and love as much as we can even if we are not sure of being loved at first we may be quite certain that we shall be loved and happy at last Do you understand me my child
The question was almost needless for Ellens large eyes had never moved from his face and their expression was so full of intelligence and meaning that the whole countenance seemed lighted up Then do you think mamma will recover she eagerly exclaimed will she ever love me—oh if I thought so I could never never be naughty again
She will love you my dear Ellen replied Mr Myrvin now visibly affected I can not I dare not tell you that she will recover to love you on earth but if indeed it be Gods will that she should go to Him she will look down on you from Heaven and love you far more than she has done yet for she will know then how much you love her
And will she know if I do all she wishes—if I love and help Edward asked Ellen in a low halffrightened voice and little did Mr Myrvin imagine how vividly and how indelibly his reply was registered in the childs memory
It is a question none can answer positively Ellen but it is my own firm belief that the beloved ones we have lost are permitted to watch over and love us still and that they see us and are often near us though we can not see them But even to help Edward he continued somewhat anxiously you must not be tempted—
He was interrupted by the appearance of a stranger who addressing him courteously apologized for his intrusion and noticing the children inquired if both were his
Mr Myrvin replied that he could only lay claim to one the little girl was Miss Fortescue
And my name is Hamilton so I think I have an uncles privilege was the reply and Ellen to her astonishment received an affectionate embrace from the unknown relative whom her mothers illjudged words had taught her actually to dread Mr Myrvin gladly welcomed him and in the interest of the conversation which followed forgot the lesson he had been so anxious to impress upon Ellen Arthur accompanied her to the garden gate and the gentlemen soon afterward entered the cottage together
Days merged into weeks and still Mrs Fortescue lingered but her weakness increasing so painfully from alternate fever and exhaustion that to remove her was impossible It was the first time that Mrs Hamilton had ever been separated from her children and there were many disagreeables attendant on nursing a beloved invalid in that confined cottage and with only those little luxuries and comforts that could be procured and even these were obtained with difficulty for the nearest town was twenty miles distant but not a selfish or repining thought entered Mrs Hamiltons mind It was filled with thankfulness not only that she was permitted thus to tend a sister whom neither error nor absence nor silence could estrange from her heart but that she was spared long enough for her gentle influence and enduring love to have some effect in changing her train of thought calming that fearful irritability and by slow degrees permitting her to look with resignation and penitent hope to that hour which no human effort could avert That Mr Myrvin should seek Mrs Hamiltons society and delight in conversing with her Mrs Fortescue considered so perfectly natural that the conversations which took place in her sick room whenever she was strong enough to bear them excited neither surprise nor impatience Different as she was willfully as she had always neglected the mild counsels and example of her sister the years of separation and but too often excited selfreproach had fully awakened her to Mrs Hamiltons superiority She had never found any one at all like her—so good and holy yet so utterly unassuming and the strong affection even the deep emotion in one usually so controlled with which her sister had met her naturally increased these feelings
Ah you and Emmeline will find much to converse about had been her address to Mr Myrvin on his first introduction to Mrs Hamilton Talk as much as you please and do not mind me With Emmeline near me I can restrain irritability which must have frightened you away I know she is right Oh would to God I had always been like her and the suffering betrayed in the last words was a painful contrast with the lightness of her previous tone
Mr Myrvin answered soothingly and for the first time his words were patiently received From listening listlessly Mrs Fortescue by slow degrees became interested in the conversations between him and Mr and Mrs Hamilton and so a change in sentiments was gradually wrought which by any other and harsher method of proceeding would have been sought for in vain
One evening as Mrs Hamilton sat watching the faded countenance of her patient and recalling those days of youth and buoyancy when it seemed as if neither death nor care could ever have assailed one so bright and lovely Edward before he sought his favorite stream threw his arms round her neck and pressed his rosy lips on her cheek as thus to wish her goodby
He will repay you for all your care dearest Emmeline his mother said with a heavy sigh as he left the room I know he has what you and your husband will think faults but oh for my sake do not treat him harshly his noble spirit will be broken if you do
Dearest Eleanor dismiss all such fears Am I not a mother equally with yourself and do you think when your children become mine I shall show any difference between them and my own You would trust me even in former years surely you will trust me now
Indeed indeed I do you were always kind and forbearing with me when I little deserved it But my poor Edward it is so hard to part with him and he loves me so fondly and a few natural tears stole down her cheek
And he shall continue to love you dearest Eleanor and oh believe me all that you have been to him I will be I have won the devoted affection of all my own darlings and I do not fear to gain the love of yours and then it will be an easy task to make them happy as my own
Edwards love you will very quickly obtain if it be not yours already but Ellen you will have more trouble with She is a strange cold unlovable child
Are the dispositions of your children so unlike I should not have fancied Ellen cold she is timid but that I thought would wear off when she knew me better
It is not timidity I never knew her otherwise than cold and reserved from her birth I never could feel the same toward her as I did toward Edward and therefore there must be something in Ellen to prevent it
Mrs Hamilton did not think so but she answered gently Are you quite sure my dear Eleanor that you have equally studied the characters of both your children because you know there are some cases which require more study and carefulness than others
I never was fond of studying any thing Emmeline as you may remember replied Mrs Fortescue painfully trying to smile and therefore I dare say I have not studied my children as you have yours Besides you know I always thought and still think the doctrine of mothers forming the characters of their children and all that good people say about the importance of early impressions perfectly ridiculous The disposition for good or bad loving or unloving is theirs from the moment of their birth and what human efforts can alter that Why the very infancy of my children was different Edward was always laughing and animated and happy Ellen fretful and peevish and so heavy that she never seemed even to know when I entered the room while Edward would spring into my arms and shout and laugh only to see me Now what conduct on my part could have done this Surely I was justified in feeling differently toward such opposite dispositions and I know I never made more difference between them than—than papa did between us Emmeline and I have had greater reason to be partial you were always better than I was
She ceased from exhaustion but the flush which had risen to her temples and the trembling hands evinced the agitation always called for by the mention of her father which Mrs Hamilton with earnest tenderness endeavored to soothe
I must speak Emmeline she continued natural impetuosity for the moment regaining ascendency how did I repay my fond fathers partiality his too great indulgence Did I not bring down his gray hairs with sorrow to the grave Did I not throw shame and misery upon him by my conduct to the illfated one he had chosen for my husband Did I not—oh my God my God Death may indeed be merciful—my Edward might do the same by me and shuddering violently she hid her face on her sisters bosom
It was long before Mrs Hamilton could calm that fearful agitation long before her whispered words of heavenly hope and peace and pardon—if indeed she believed—could bring comfort but they did at length and such fearful paroxysms returned at longer and longer intervals and at length ceased in the deep submission and clinging trust to which she was at last permitted to attain Though Mrs Hamilton was detained six weeks at Llangwillan her devoted attendance on her sister prevented any thing more than occasional observation of the children so soon about to be committed to her care That Edward was most engaging and riveted her affection at once and that Ellen was unlike any child she had ever known or seen she could not but feel but she was not one to decide on a mere feeling Her present mournful task prevented all actual interference with them except the endeavor by kindly notice to win their confidence and love His mothers illness and his uncles presence besides for the present his perfect freedom with regard to employment had deprived Edward of all inclination to rebel or exert his selfwill and Mr and Mrs Hamilton both felt that he certainly had fewer faults than was generally the consequence of unlimited indulgence Whether Ellens extreme attention to her mother her silent but ever ready help when her aunt required it proceeded from mere cold duty or really had its origin in affection Mrs Hamilton could not satisfactorily decide Her sister had avowed partiality but that neglect and unkindness could have been shown to such an extent by a mother as to create the cold exterior she beheld was so utterly incomprehensible so opposed to every dictate of maternal love which she knew so well that she actually could not even imagine it She could believe in the possibility of a preference for one child more than another but not in utter neglect and actual dislike She could imagine that Ellens love for her mother might be less warm than Edwards believing as she did that a parent must call for a childs affection not be satisfied with leaving all to Nature but if it were not love that dictated Ellens conduct it was strange and almost unnatural and so unpleasing that so young a child should have such an idea of duty But these were only passing thoughts cost what trouble it might Mrs Hamilton determined she would understand her niece as she did her own children
But though to her Ellen was a riddle to her sister Nature was resuming her sway too late alas for all save the mothers own reproaches Her weakness had become such that days would pass when speech save a few whispered words was impossible but she would gaze upon her child as hour after hour she would sit by the bed resisting all Edwards entreaties and sometimes even her aunts to go and play and long to fold her to her heart and confess she had been cruelly unjust and that she did love her now almost as much as Edward but she was much too weak to do more than feel And Ellen remained unconscious of the change except that now and then as she would bring her nourishment or bend over to bathe her forehead her mother would as if involuntarily kiss her cheek and murmur some caressing word And Ellen longed to cling to her neck and say how much she loved her but she did not dare and she would hurry out of the room to conceal her tears instead of returning the caress thus unhappily confirming the idea of natural coldness
Even the comfort of sitting by her mother was at length denied her Mrs Fortescue became so alarmingly and painfully ill that Mrs Hamilton felt it an unnecessary trial for her children to witness it especially as they could be no comfort to her for she did not know them The evening of the fourth day she recovered sufficiently to partake of the sacrament with her sister and Mr Hamilton and then entreat that her children might be brought to her She felt herself what the physician had imparted to her sister that the recovery of her senses would in all human probability be followed in a few hours by death and her last thoughts were on them
Edward full of glee at being permitted to see her again bounded joyfully into the room but the fearful change in that beloved face so startled and terrified him that he uttered a loud cry and throwing himself beside her sobbed upon her bosom Mrs Fortescue was fearfully agitated but she conjured her sister not to take him from her and her heavy eyes wandered painfully round the room in search of Ellen
Come to me Ellen I have done you injustice my sweet child she murmured in a voice that Ellen never in her life forgot and she clung to her in silent agony I have not done my duty to you I know—I feel I have not and it is too late now to atone I can only pray God to bless you and raise you up a kinder parent than I have been Bless bless you both Faintness overpowered her and she lay for several minutes powerless in Mrs Hamiltons arms Edward in passionate grief refused to stir from the bed and Ellen almost unconsciously sunk on her knees by Mr Myrvin
My own sister bless you—for all you have been to me—all you will be to my children—may they repay you better than I have done Emmeline You are right there is but one hope our Saviour for the sinner—it is mine— were the broken sentences that in a voice which was scarcely audible and uttered at long intervals escaped Mrs Fortescues lips and then her head sunk lower on Mrs Hamiltons bosom and there was a long long silence broken only by Edwards low and halfsuffocated sobs And he knew not guessed not the grief that was impending He only felt that his mother was worse not better as he had believed she would and must be when his aunt arrived He had never seen death though Ellen had and he had passionately and willfully refused either to listen or to believe in his uncles and Mr Myrvins gentle attempts to prepare him for his loss Terrified at the continued silence at the cold heavy feel of his mothers hand as when Mr Myrvin and the widow gently removed her from the stillsupporting arm of Mrs Hamilton it fell against his he started up and clinging to his aunt implored her to speak to him to tell him why his mother looked so strange and white her hand felt so cold and why she would not speak to and kiss him as she always did when he was grieved
Mrs Hamilton raised her head from her husbands shoulder and struggling with her own deep sorrow she drew her orphan nephew closer to her and said in a low earnest voice My Edward did you not hear your mother pray God to bless you
The child looked at her inquiringly
That good God has taken her to Himself my love He has thought it better to remove her from us and take her where she will never know pain nor illness more
But she is lying there whispered Edward in a frightened voice and half hiding his face in his aunts dress she is not taken away Why will she not speak to me
She can not speak my sweet boy the soul which enabled her to speak and smile and live was Gods gift and it has pleased Him to recall it
And will she never never speak to me again will she never kiss me—never call me her own darling beautiful Edward again he almost screamed in passionate grief as the truth at length forced itself upon him Mamma mamma my own dear pretty good mamma oh do not go away from me—or let me go with you—let me die too no one will love me and kiss me as you have done And even the natural awe and terror of death gave way before his grief he clung to the body of his mother so passionately so convulsively that it required actual force to remove him And for hours his aunt and sister watched over and tried to soothe and comfort him in vain he would only rouse himself angrily to ask Ellen how she could know what he felt she had never loved their mother as he had—she did not know what he had lost—she could not feel as he did and then relapse into tears and sobs Ellen did not attempt reply She thought if it were such pain to her to lose her mother who had only the last few weeks evinced affection for her it must indeed be still more suffering to him and though his angry words grieved and hurt her for she knew she did love her mother most fondly her idea of her own extreme inferiority acquitted her unconsciously of all injustice toward her and made her believe that she had loved Edward best only because he was so much better than herself his very grief caused her to love and admire him still more and to believe that she really did not feel as much as he did And yet before they quitted Llangwillan which they did the second day after Mrs Fortescues funeral Edward could laugh and talk as usual—except when any object recalled his mother and poor Ellen felt that though she had fancied she was not happy before she was much more unhappy now Her fancy naturally vivid and rendered more so from her having been left so much to herself dwelt morbidly on all that had passed in her mothers illness on every caress every unusual word of affection and on Mr Myrvins assurance that she would love her in Heaven the promise she had made to love and help Edward returned to her memory again and again and each time with the increased determination to keep it solemnly It was not for her mothers sake alone and connected only with her perhaps had it not been for the careful instructions of her father whom as we shall presently see she had cause almost to idolize Ellen might have become indifferent to her mother and envious of Edward But his repeated instructions under all circumstances to love cherish and obey her mother had been indelibly engraved and heightened natural feeling She believed that to keep the promise which had so evidently pleased her mother would be also obeying her father and this double incentive gave it a weight and consequence which could Mrs Hamilton have known it would have caused her great anxiety and urged its removal But Ellen had been too long accustomed to hide every thought and feeling to betray that which child as she was she believed sacred between herself and her mother Mrs Hamilton watched her in silence and trusted to time and care to do their work and by enabling her to understand her character permit her to guide it rightly
The morning of their intended departure was bright and sunny and before even widow Morgan was moving Ellen had quitted her little bed and was in the churchyard by her mothers grave She sat there thinking so intently that she did not know how time passed till she was roused by her favorite Arthur Myrvins voice
Up so early Ellen why I thought I should have been first to show you I had not forgotten my promise And he displayed some choice flowerroots which he commenced planting round the grave
Dear Arthur how very kind you are but you look so sad—what is the matter Does not Mr Myrvin like you to do this—pray dont then
No no Ellen my father said I was right and that he would take care of the flowers also himself I am only sorry you are going away and to live so differently to what we do—you will quite forget me
Indeed indeed I shall not dear Arthur I can never forget those who have been so kind to me as you and dear Mr Myrvin I would much rather stay here always with you than go among strangers again but I heard my aunt say last night that perhaps Mr Myrvin would let you come and see us sometimes—and you will like that will you not Arthur did not seem quite sure whether he would like it or not but they continued talking till his task was completed and Arthur at Ellens earnest request for she suddenly feared her aunt would be displeased at her having staid out so long returned with her to the cottage the silent kiss however which she received when Arthur explained what had detained them reassured her and bound her yet closer to the kind relative whom if timidity had permitted she would already have so loved
The novelty of his situation the rapid and pleasant movement of his uncles carriage the idea of the new relations he was about to meet and an unconfessed but powerful feeling of his own increased consequence in being so nearly connected with wealth and distinction all had their effect upon Edward and his eye sparkled and his cheek glowed as if all sorrow had entirely passed away not that he had ceased to think of his mother for the least reference to her would fill his eyes with tears and completely check his joy—but still delight predominated Ellen felt more and more the wish to shrink into her self for the farther they left Llangwillan the more painfully she missed Mr Myrvin and his son and the more she shrunk from encountering strangers Edward she knew would speedily find companions to love and to be loved by and he would think still less of her Her aunt would soon be surrounded by her own children and then how could she expect to win her love And Ellen looked intently and silently out from the carriagewindow—her uncle believed on the manyflowered hedge and other objects of interest by which they passed—his wife imagined to hide a tear that trembled in her eyes but which she had determined should not fall
CHAPTER III
RETROSPECTION—THE LOWLY SOUGHT—THE HAUGHTY FOILED
In order clearly to understand the allusions of the previous chapters and the circumstances which had formed the different characters of Mrs Hamilton and Mrs Fortescue it will be necessary to take a retrospective glance on their early lives Should it be uninteresting to the more youthful of our readers we will beg them to proceed at once to Traits of Character but to their elder relatives we hope the matter will prove of sufficient interest to obtain perusal
Emmeline and Eleanor Manvers were the daughters of Lord Delmont a nobleman whose title and rank were rather burdensome than otherwise from the want of sufficient means to keep them up as inclination and position warranted Lady Delmont whose energetic yet gentle character would have greatly ameliorated the petty vexations of her husband died when Emmeline was only seven Eleanor five and Charles her only boy an infant of but three years old A widow lady Mrs Harcourt by name had been selected by Lady Delmont in her last illness as instructress and guardian of her daughters Her wishes always laws to her doating husband were promptly fulfilled and Mrs Harcourt two months after her friends death assumed the arduous and responsible duties for which her high character well fitted her
With Emmeline though there were naturally some faults to correct an indolence and weakness to overcome and apparently no remarkable natural aptitude for acquirement her task was comparatively easy for her pupil had the capabilities not only of affection but of reverence to a very great extent and once loving and respecting Mrs Harcourt not a command was neglected nor a wish unfulfilled Eleanor on the contrary though so gifted that teaching might have been a complete labor of love—by selfwill violent passions and a most determined want of veneration even of common respect a resolute opposition from her earliest years to the wishes of Mrs Harcourt because she was merely a governess so much her inferior in rank rendered the task of education one of the most difficult and painful that can be conceived—increased from the injudicious partiality of Lord Delmont It was not indeed the culpable negligence and dislike which Eleanor afterward displayed toward her own but originating in the fancy that Mrs Harcourt was unjust and Emmeline was her favorite Lord Delmont was one of those unfortunately weak irresolute characters that only behold the surface of things and are therefore utterly incapable of acting either with vigor or judgment When he did venture into the precincts of his daughters apartments he generally found Eleanor in sobs and tears and Emmeline quietly pursuing her daily duties That Mrs Harcourt often entreated his influence with her younger pupil to change her course of conduct he never remembered longer than the time her expostulations lasted Once or twice indeed he did begin to speak seriously but Eleanor would throw her arms round his neck and kiss him call him every endearing name and beg him not to look so much like grave cross Mrs Harcourt or she should think she had indeed no one to love her and her beautiful eyes would swell with tears and her voice quiver so that her gratified father would forget all his reproof and give her some indulgence to make up for the injustice and harshness she encountered in the schoolroom Her power once thus experienced of course was never resigned Her fathers appearance in their study was always the signal for her tears which she knew would confirm all his ideas of Mrs Harcourts unjust partiality
And this idea was strengthened as they grew older and masters for various accomplishments somewhat lightened Mrs Harcourts actual labors Emmelines steady application and moderate abilities were lost sight of in the applause always elicited by her younger sister whose natural gifts alike in music languages and drawing had full play directly she was released even in part from the hated thralldom of her governess—Lord Delmont had been accustomed to hear Eleanors beauty extolled and now the extraordinary versatility and brilliancy of her talents became the theme of every tongue Professors are naturally proud of a pupil who does them more than justice and Miss Eleanor Manvers was in consequence held up in very many families whom Lord Delmont only casually knew and spoken of by very many again to him knowing his weak point and thus seeking to curry favor Mrs Harcourt was the only one from whom he never heard Eleanors praises and the only one who spoke in praise of Emmeline It must then be willful blindness on her part and the father felt indignant but in spite of himself had too much real respect for her individually to do more than redouble his indulgence to Eleanor Emmeline could not complain of her fathers neglect for he was both kind and affectionate to her but she did sometimes wish she could be quite sure that he loved her as much as her sister and her deep affections unsuspected by her father rejected and laughed at by Eleanor twined themselves closer and closer round Mrs Harcourt and her brother Charles on whom she actually doted and who returned her affection with one quite as fond and warm as a happy laughterloving frankhearted boy had it in his power to bestow yet even his holidays were times of as much suffering as joy to his sister from the violent quarrels which were continually taking place between him and Eleanor Emmeline happy in herself and Mrs Harcourts companionship could endure Eleanors determined supremacy and except where her conscience disapproved yielded to her But this could not be expected from Charles who despite his elder sisters gentle entreaties would stand up for what he called her rights and declare that when he was at home Miss Eleanor should not lord it over the whole family Eleanor would of course quarrel first with him and then appeal to her father who without hearing the case would give her right and harshly condemn Charles whose high spirit revolted and unable to bear with his fathers weakness of character as he ought to have done would answer disrespectfully and words succeeded words till Charles in a desperate passion would seek Emmelines chamber and his father though he actually deeply loved and was very proud of his son wished that the holidays were over and Charles safe again at school
Trifling as domestic disputes may seem in description they never fail in their painful reality to banish all lasting happiness Emmeline could bear that her father should prefer Eleanor to herself but that he should be unjust to her darling Charles and that Charles should increase this evil by dispute and selfwill tried her severely and obliged her often and often to fly to the solitude of her own chamber lest her temper also should fail and to defend her brother she should forget her duty to her father But with her Mrs Harcourts lessons had indeed been blessed The spirit of true heartfelt piety which she had sought to instill into her youthful charge even more by the example of her daily life than by precepts had become Emmelines young as she still was and enabled her not only to bear up against the constant petty annoyances of her home but the heavy trial sustained in the death of Mrs Harcourt just as she was looking forward to her entrance into the gay world under her maternal guardianship and her parting with her brother who not two months afterward left her to fulfill his darling wish of going to sea
At eighteen then Emmeline Manvers became the mistress of her fathers establishment and had to encounter alone not only the suffering of bereavement—in which though Lord Delmont sincerely respected Mrs Harcourt he could not sympathize and at which after the first shock and momentary remorse for her own conduct to so true a friend Eleanor if she did not actually rejoice felt so very greatly relieved as to be irritated and angry at Emmelines quiet sorrow—but the separation from her brother and all the cares and disagreeables of such strict economy at home as would permit the sustaining a proper position in society so that the necessity of economy should not even be suspected It was this regard of appearances which so chafed and pained Emmelines upright and independent spirit Not that Lord Delmont even for appearances would go beyond his income but still there were obliged concealments and other petty things which his daughter could not bear Mrs Harcourts trial—a widow compelled not only to teach for a subsistence but to part with her only child who had been adopted by a married sister living in Italy—appeared to Emmelines ideas of truth and honor preferable to appearing richer than they really were But on this subject even less than on any other she knew there was no chance of sympathy and so she devoted all the energies of her matured and wellregulated mind to correcting the evil as much as it lay in her individual power and in the year which her earnest entreaties prevailed on her father to permit her remaining in quiet retirement before she entered the world Lord Delmont was astonished at the greater comfort and increase of dignity which pervaded his establishment He never had chosen Mrs Harcourt to interfere with his household concerns believing that he conducted them himself when in reality he was completely governed by his housekeeper and steward Mrs Harcourts penetration had seen and regretted this and had endeavored so to guide and instruct Emmeline that when she became old enough to claim her right as mistress the evil should be remedied Could she have looked down on the child of her love she would indeed have rejoiced at the beautiful fruition of her labors Lord Delmont was not astonished and delighted only a feeling of respect toward his gentle his truthful child entered his heart such as he had experienced toward none save her mother Emmeline would indeed have thought all her toils repaid could she have known this but the very feeling prevented the display of that caressing affection he still lavished on Eleanor and the tears of his elder girl often fell thick and fast from the painful longing for one similar caress one evidence on his part that though neither so beautiful nor talented nor engaging as Eleanor she could yet minister to his comfort and increase his happiness
But Emmelines strong feeling of religion while it enabled her to bear up against care and the constant and most painful feeling of loneliness rendered the trial of beholding her sisters willful course of error if possible still more severe She knew that all her affectionate counsels were worse than useless that though Eleanor could be even caressingly affectionate when it served her purpose would even listen to her at the moment of suffering from some too hasty impulse she had no lasting influence And this became more and more evident as Eleanor became the almost constant companion of the Marchioness Lascelles their only female relative It was the evil influence of this lady which had so increased Eleanors natural repugnance to Mrs Harcourts gentle sway that for full two years before the latters death the flattery of Lady Lascelles and Eleanors passionate entreaties had prevailed on Lord Delmont to permit his daughter being more with her than with her sister and governess Lady Lascelles was a woman of the world utterly heartless highly distinguished and supremely fashionable At her house all the ton of the beau monde congregated and scandal frivolity and esprît were the prevailing topics diversified with superficial opinions of the literature arts and politics of the day and various sentimental episodes which the lady of the house endured for the sake of variety Here Eleanor even at fourteen was made a popular idol her extreme beauty her vivacity her talents her sharpness of repartee all were admired extolled and encouraged At seventeen she was introduced and initiated into all the mysteries of an ultrafashionable life and very speedily added to her other accomplishments all the arts of a finished and heartless coquette
With Lady Lascelles for her chaperon it was not very surprising that Emmeline Manvers shrunk in pain and dread from her introduction into society but yet she knew her social duties too well to refuse and by an affectation of superior sanctity which of course would have been the charge leveled against her throw a sneer upon those holy feelings and spiritual principles which had become part of her very being She entered into society but the isolation to a heart like hers of the coteries of Lady Lascelles and her friends was indeed most painful and aggravated by the constant dread which the contemplation of Eleanors reckless career could not but occasion
But Emmelines trial of loneliness was happily not of very long duration At a ball which was less exclusive than the assemblages of Lady Lascelles the attention of both sisters was attracted to a young nan by name Arthur Hamilton—Eleanor from his distinguished appearance and extreme reserve Emmeline by the story attached to his name His father had so distinguished himself in the amelioration of the peasantry and working classes in various parts of England in addition to various services of a private and confidential nature from the home government to the courts abroad that a viscountcy was offered to his acceptance The message from royalty reached him on his deathbed and though from the faint and flickering accents with which he replied to the intended honor it seemed as if he declined it it was attributed to the natural feelings of a dying man seeing the utter nothingness of earthly honors and the title was generously proposed to his son But Arthur Hamilton had not been the pupil and friend of his father in vain With a calm dignity and uncompromising independence he declared that he had neither claim nor heirship to the reward of his fathers services that he believed his parent would himself have refused it preferring the honorable distinction of being an untitled English gentleman to the unvalued honor of a newlycreated lordship He respectfully thanked the government for the honor they intended but decisively refused it—that his dearest inheritance was his fathers name
Of course this most extraordinary decision was canvassed again and again in the fashionable world meeting there with very little appreciation because it sprang from much higher feelings than the world could comprehend By many he was imagined very little removed from insane—by others as actuated by some ulterior motive which would be sure to display itself some day—by all regarded with curiosity—by some few with earnest quiet heartfelt admiration and of this number was not only Emmeline Manvers but her father who though weak and yielding was not worldly and could admire honorable independence even while some of his friends succeeded in persuading him that in this case it nearly reached romance
Arthur Hamilton was a star creating a sensation it signified little to Eleanor Manvers why or wherefore but she fully resolved to conquer him and chain him as she had already done innumerable others victim to her charms His very reserve deepened her ardent longing and the difficulty only strengthened her resolution but she tried in vain for the first time she was completely and entirely foiled and she disliked him accordingly—a dislike increasing to actual abhorrence—when the truth at length forced itself upon her that he admired conversed with evidently sought the society of her sister whom she chose to charge with deceit and underhand dealing with all the violence of angry passion and mortified defeat
Emmeline bore the storm calmly for her conscience perfectly acquitted her She was not indeed indifferent to Arthur Hamilton but she had tried hard to prevent the ascendency of affection for she had heard that he still mourned the loss of a beloved one to whom he had been for many years engaged And deep was her thankful joy and unexpected indeed the intensity of her happiness when six months after their first introduction he related to her the heavy trial of his early life and concluded by asking her if she could indeed accept a heart which had so loved another but which was now entirely her own and happier than he had once believed it ever could be The very frankness of his avowal increased the feelings of reverence and regard he had already inspired and to the great delight and no little pride of Lord Delmont his elder daughter who had been by Lady Lascelles coterie so overlooked and neglected who had been by many for years considered a mere foil to the beauty and talent of her younger sister was united before she was twenty to a man who—however his high principles might have excited laughter as highflown romance his unbending integrity and dislike of the pleasures and amusements but too often the sole pursuit of the wealthy exposed him to the charge of severity and eccentricity—was yet sought and his connection deemed a most desirable partie by all and every family who had marriageable daughters
CHAPTER IV
RETROSPECTIVE—EFFECTS OF COQUETRY—OBEDIENCE AND DISOBEDIENCE
Eleanors unfounded dislike toward Arthur Hamilton did not decrease when he became her brotherinlaw she chose to believe that he had injured her by being the only one who had remained proof against all the fascinations she had thrown in his way Even in her childhood if any one chanced to notice Emmeline more than herself it was considered a mortal offense and the person who had so offended was scarcely spoken to again Therefore that Emmeline should be married before herself and to the man she intended to captivate but not to love or wed was an offense visited upon her sister by the withdrawal of her speech for six months and on Mr Hamilton by an insulting haughtiness of demeanor toward him at which he only smiled and to her extreme annoyance she found that even as she had failed to fascinate she equally failed to offend He would speak to her would treat her with courtesy and the quiet familiarity of an older relative—and more actually remonstrate with her conduct whenever he thought it wrong It was the recollection of this time yet more than actual present feeling which had occasioned the mistaken impressions she had infused into both her children of the extreme severity and harshness of their uncle thoughtlessly indeed for the present was always all to her and if she did think that they might one day be under his charge she little imagined the unhappiness and mischief which their supposition of his unbending sternness might engender
To Emmeline the change in her young life was so marvelous so complete—care anxiety loneliness that sinking of the whole frame and heart from the absence of appreciation and social kindness had so departed leaving in their stead such an intensity of quiet domestic happiness that it was long before her full heart could believe it reality and rest secure She had always longed for one to reverence to cling to and her husband gave her room for both As his betrothed even before their marriage she had been introduced to very different society to that of the marchioness she beheld him reverenced loved appealed to by the wisest and the best men often older than himself That this man should so love cherish and actually reverence her—no wonder that under the magic of such feelings her character matured displaying such engaging and unsuspected qualities that even her husband often looked at her with astonishment playfully asking her if she could be the same calm almost too quiet and seemingly too cold Emmeline Manvers whom he had first seen Her very talents which had seemed worthless compared to her sisters were called forth by her husband She found that her voice and her touch on either piano or harp could give him exquisite pleasure and this once discovered she made such improvement as almost to surprise herself She found the sketches taken from the various lovely spots in the vicinity of their noble seat and in which Devonshire abounds delighted him and when Eleanor did visit Oakwood she was astounded at the various beautiful drawings which evinced the employment of that leisure which she had declared must be even to the quiet Emmeline a horrid bore
To Lord Delmont the change in his daughter was much more astonishing than to her husband He was very often at Oakwood particularly when a little grandson was added to the happy party for his home under Eleanors extravagant and heedless management had lost all the comfort that Emmeline had bestowed He had begun too to discover that his darling his still favorite Eleanor was not faultless Emmelines generous assistance and determination to spare her father all discomfort had concealed Eleanors personal extravagance from him but after her marriage as Eleanors fashionable amusements increased so did the quantity and amount of her bills which as the young lady did not seem inclined to settle them were sent to her father Lord Delmont was painfully startled and with his usual want of judgment spoke to Eleanor at the very moment that he felt most angry unaccustomed to reproof from him she retorted with equal passion and a violent altercation ensued which ended in Eleanor ordering the carriage and driving to Lady Lascelles declaring she could not think of returning home till her father had sufficiently recovered his senses for her to do so in safety
The interference of Emmeline at length succeeded in restoring peace but Lord Delmonts eyes had been rudely opened and as is unhappily too often the case with those weak characters where overindulgence of childhood has occasioned those annoyances of ungoverned youth he became irritable and sometimes even harsh with Eleanor which conduct threw her still more with Lady Lascelles As to joining society with Mr and Mrs Hamilton when they were in London Eleanor would not hear of it But to her sisters great joy and some surprise she accepted an invitation to Oakwood a short time after little Percys birth and still more surprising condescended to make herself agreeable The London season had tired her and she thought she might just as well be dull on the banks of the Dart in August and September as in some stupid wateringplace Mr Hamilton despite her dislike which she cared not to avow she found could be at least very entertaining her father was more like his former self her sister far more delightful and lovely than she ever thought she could be and her nephew certainly a pretty little plague Then Mr Hamilton had a beautiful horse entirely for her use and she rode exceedingly well and was greatly admired She was seized with an exploring mania and dragged Emmeline to every old ruin and dark wood within ten miles of Oakwood Altogether the impression she left behind her after a two months visit was such as to ease Mrs Hamiltons great anxiety more especially as it appeared from certain private conversations that her affections were for the first time really engaged and Emmeline had always fondly hoped that when that should be the case Eleanor would become a very different person Alas penetrative as she was she had not yet learned her sisters character simply because utter heartlessness in any woman she could not comprehend
Her visit to her father in London in the winter removed all their rising hopes and caused such increased and intense anxiety as so to injure her already delicate health that her husband bore her back to Oakwood a full month before they had originally intended Whether or not Eleanor loved Lord Fitzclair it was impossible to determine but that he devotedly passionately loved her was only too evident not only to the world but to herself and this once confirmed she left no method untried to torment and so as she declared to try if his affections were worth having He was half an Italian and had inherited all the strong fierce passions of that country without one atom of selfcontrol Mr Hamilton knew him well far better than he knew himself and conjured him to withdraw from the society of one who could never make him happy and whose capricious conduct was so likely to render him desperate and miserable he reasoned entreated in vain She only wants to try the strength of my love was his sole reply and were she to torment health and life away it will never change—she will be mine yet
And to the astonishment of Mr and Mrs Hamilton two months afterward he proposed in form and actually was accepted with the sole condition that their engagement should be kept secret till it should please Eleanor to name the wedding day which could not be at least for six or eight months
This engagement might have eased anxiety but the condition increased it especially as instead of coming to Oakwood as Emmeline had asked and hoped the latter part of the summer and autumn was to be spent in Cheltenham with a very gay party in which Eleanor was still of course the star Mrs Hamilton entered the nursery one morning earlier than usual for her infant had not been well the night before and she had already experienced the care as well as the joy of a mother Her babe was better and as he lay smilingly and happily in her lap and watched the eager movements of his brother she was only sensible of pleasure The nurse had arranged the chairs in a long line that Master Percy might with their help walk the whole length of the large and airy room The feat mightily pleased the little gentleman who having acquired the venerable age of fifteen months liked better to feel his feet than crawl on the floor or be carried about on any limbs but his own Every two or three paces he stood nearly alone and burst into a loud merry laugh which was always echoed by a crow of joy from his little brother
Take care Percy love dont fall and frighten mamma said his young mother who was watching him with such pleasure as to send for his father to share it When her son to prove how well he obeyed her commands to take care stood for a second without any support and then ran quite alone across the room and with a yet louder laugh hid his rosy face in her lap Mrs Hamilton fondly kissed the little nestling head and at that moment her husband entered the room Dearest Arthur she eagerly exclaimed I was actually foolish enough to send for you Herbert seems quite well I was it seems needlessly alarmed and Percy has this moment— She stopped in sudden terror for there was an expression on her husbands countenance of such unusual agitation that though he tried to smile when he heard her words she could not conquer her alarm more than to say in a caressing voice to her little boy—
Will not Percy run to papa and ask him why he looks so sad
The child looked up in her face and then as his father held out his arms to him let go his mothers dress and obeyed her Mr Hamilton caught him to his heart held him for above a minute kissed him fondly and left the nursery without uttering a single word
Let me take Master Herbert maam said the head nurse respectfully for she saw that her mistresss unexpressed alarm had nearly overpowered her and in a few minutes Emmeline was with her husband whose agitation was so excessive that even his wifes presence for the moment had scarcely power to calm him
The tale was soon told Eleanors conduct since her engagement had been such as to excite the displeasure not of her father alone but actually of the marchioness who though a weak and worldly woman had yet some idea of propriety As a near relation of Lord Delmont Eleanors engagement with Lord Fitzclair was of course told to her and again and again she warned her that she was going too far and might lose her lover before she was aware of it but Eleanor only laughed at her and at last won her over to the belief that it was certainly better to cure Fitzclair of his jealous tendency before marriage than afterward Lord Delmonts reproofs she was wont to silence by invariably making them the signal of mortifying and annoying Lord Fitzclair still more than usual Yet still at times she relented and so strengthened the love she had excited so enhanced her own fascinations that all the agony he had endured and was still he knew to endure by an incomprehensible contradiction riveted her power and hastened his own doom Weak in all things but his love he could not demand as his actual right the publication of their engagement Eleanor vowed if he did till she permitted him she would have nothing more to say to him She knew though she did not say it that once made known a chain would be thrown round her actions which she did not choose to endure And father lover and friend all feeling she was wrong and the first and last repeatedly telling her so had yet neither of them the resolution to contend with her and compel the proper course
A month of their visit to Cheltenham so passed when Eleanors attention was arrested by a new actor on the scene She had begun to tire of her present satellites and a young military captain whose furlough from India had just expired and whose pale face somewhat melancholy expression and very elegant figure presented a new subject for conquest impossible to be resisted and it was unhappily only too easily achieved She made no secret of her admiration speaking of him in such terms to her intended husband as to excite anew every jealous feeling It was easy for Captain Fortescue to discover Fitzclair was his rival but believing himself decidedly the object of Eleanors preference he increased his attentions little imagining the storm he was exciting the more fearful from its determined suppression Lord Delmont interfered several times not only by reproaches to Eleanor but by determined coldness to her new suitor Finding at length that her encouragement actually neared a criminal extent and after a desperately stormy interview he solemnly declared that if she did not dismiss Captain Fortescue at once he would shame her in the face of the whole world by proclaiming her engagement with the young marquis Eleanor in equal anger declared that if he threatened so too could she and if he tormented her any more she would prevent all publication of her engagement by herself snapping it asunder and pledging her faith to Captain Fortescue This was too much even for Lord Delmont Declaring if she did so a fathers heaviest malediction should fall on her head he hastily left her and Eleanor very composedly went to prepare for an excursion on horseback with Fortescue Fitzclair and others
When Lord Delmonts passions were once roused even his ordinarily slender judgment entirely forsook him and he did that which at another time knowing Fitzclair as he did he would have shrunk from He sought him while still exasperated upbraided him for his weakness in permitting Eleanors unprincipled conduct and warned him that if he did not adopt some strong measures to prevent it he would certainly lose her entirely
The young man heard him without reply but his face grew livid and he clenched his hand till the blood started from the nails and in this mood of concentrated passion joined the riding party The exercise itself is to some temperaments unusually exciting and the determined coldness of Eleanor to himself and the eagerlyreceived devotion of Fortescue maddened him He demanded an interview with her on their return home struggled to speak calmly expostulated and finally reproached Eleanor already irritated and beyond all that her lover in general so obsequious and humble should dare to call her to account for mere amusement combined with the recollection of Captain Fortescues flattering vows and willing homage excited her to an extent of which she was herself unconscious inasmuch as she firmly believed whatever she might say then a few soft words would speedily obliterate She told him that really his jealous temperament was beyond all endurance that he certainly must intend her to despise and abhor him and that the contrast he presented to Captain Fortescue was such as to make her most heartily wish to put an end to their engagement as she felt quite sure it must only end in misery for both and without waiting for a reply she haughtily brushed by him and disappeared
Of the extent of Fitzclairs passion Eleanor had not the least idea and this is saying a great deal for she generally exaggerated her own power She believed she had inflicted pain but not as much as he deserved and determined that she would torment him yet more at the ball that evening But to her extreme mortification he did not appear and there was a vague dread on her spirits as she retired for the night which prevented any thing like rest His absence had excited surprise in all especially Lady Lascelles who knew that to leave Eleanor entirely to the attentions of young Fortescue was so unprecedented as to bode no good But the wildest conjectures were far from reality The very next morning all Cheltenham was thrown into the most painful excitement by the incomprehensible and most extraordinary fact of the suicide of Lord Fitzclair by what occasioned plunged into such mystery that nothing but sudden aberration of mind was imagined a belief justified by the very peculiar temperament and manners of the young nobleman during his sojourn with them His will a valuable present with a few lines of regard to his faithful attendant and a letter addressed to Arthur Hamilton Esq were the sole evidences that the awful deed had not been committed without some preparation but as that was often the case with madness itself it excited no remark
The state of Eleanors mind when these awful tidings were communicated to her which they were by her father in his agitation and anger without the least preparation we leave our readers to imagine Hardened heartless willful as she was she was still a woman and a very young one and till Captain Fortescue appeared had loved as far as it was in her nature Lord Fitzclair To believe that she had nothing to do with his miserable end was an attempt so vain and hollow that even she shrunk from the hopeless struggle to realize it remorse in all its torturing unmitigated anguish took possession of her but instead of leading her to penitence and thence the hope of peace it urged her to a course of action from which she imagined there was no withdrawing and which must in time by removing her from all painful associations lessen her present misery
For three days and nights she never quitted her own apartment and then joined her usual circles without the smallest evidence of the internal agony which was still hers It was very easy to displace paleness by artificial roses and her gay smiles and joyous sallies were tempered only by a judiciouslyexpressed horror when the late event was discussed before her supposed natural to one who had known him so intimately but the hours of loneliness which followed this conduct in society were terrible indeed By a strange contrariety of feeling her better nature longed for Emmeline and her artificial which had alas only too forcibly become her natural self felt as if she would leave the kingdom rather than encounter the mild sorrowful glance of those penetrating eyes
Lord Delmont was himself in a most pitiable condition even minor evils had always been great to him and the effect of this the wish to take Eleanor away from Captain Fortescues increased and annoying attentions and yet the dread that doing so would connect her with Fitzclairs death so distracted him as to render him really ill—information which instantly brought Mr and Mrs Hamilton to Cheltenham
Some young wives and mothers might have felt it hard that their domestic enjoyment should so continually have been disturbed and annoyed from the faults of others but Emmeline had been accustomed to trace every thing that created personal suffering to the highest source and feel that it was good for her or it would not be a conviction that enabled her to bear with and still to love the erring one that was the visible cause of pain
Eleanor was at a gay ball the night of her arrival and Mrs Hamilton requested she might not be informed of it till the following day About half an hour before her usual hour of rising after such scenes she entered her sisters room All around her lay the ornaments of the previous evening looking so strange gaudy and faded in the darkened room and judged by the calmer feelings of the morning A sensation of intense depression crept over Emmeline as she gazed increasing as she looked on the face of the sleeper which divested of its unnatural bloom looked so fearfully wan and haggard Her beautiful hair lay in tangled masses on her damp brow and as Emmeline gently tried to remove it Eleanor started and awoke
Is it already time to get up she said languidly and only half unclosing her eyes I feel as if I had not slept at all Am I dreaming she added starting up or have I slept in one place and awoke in another Am I at Oakwood
No dearest Eleanor will you not welcome me to Malvern House
The voice the look seemed to thrill through her her temples were throbbing her heart weighed down as it always was when she first awoke with an undefinable sense of guilt and pain she tried to be cold proud reserved but it would not do and she suddenly flung her arms round her sisters neck and burst into agonized tears
It was a most unexpected greeting and Mrs Hamilton argued hopefully from it Alas the unwonted softening only lasted one brief half hour She left her at Eleanors entreaty while dressing and when she returned though the reckless girl told her with a half smile that she was ready for her lecture for she could only have come from Oakwood to give her one and that however severe her words might be she could not alter her tone that must be kind in spite of herself Yet Emmeline could not succeed in convincing her how wrongly how cruelly she had acted Eleanor would persist that she was not in the least to blame and that poor Fitzclairs fearful end was only owing to his own violent passions in fact that he must have been out of his mind and that though it was certainly very dreadful she had perhaps escaped a very terrible doom but speak as she might Emmeline was not deceived as to the agony she was actually enduring Finding however that all her gentle efforts were useless that even the perusal of Fitzclairs brief lines to her husband—which Eleanor insisted on seeing and in which he deplored his madness in not having followed his advice and flown from her presence and bade him take his forgiveness to her and say that the means he had adopted would he trusted dissolve their engagement to her satisfaction—had no effect save in causing her to turn so deadly pale that her sister was convinced nothing but an almost supernatural effort of pride preserved her from fainting She desisted hoping against hope that Eleanor would yet repent and become a different being She knew harshness would only harden and so she tried to prevail on her father to treat her as usual but this Lord Delmont could not do It is strange how often we find those parents who have been overindulgent to childhood unusually harsh to the faults of youth Weak characters also when driven to anger are always more violent than firmer ones and certainly Eleanors continued haughtiness and coldness as if she were the injured one did not tend to calm him
And his angry feelings were unfortunately but too soon aggravated by a proposal in form from Captain Fortescue for the hand of Eleanor Without a moments delay he dispatched a decided and almost insulting refusal to the young soldier and then sought his daughter and vented on her the anger and vexation which overpowered him upbraiding her not only with the death of Fitzclair but for having dared so to encourage young Fortescue as to give him courage for his audacious proposal To his astonishment he was heard without any attempt at reply but he would have been startled could he have seen the pallid cheek compressed lip and clenched hand with which when he had left her Eleanor muttered—
Father if it be sin to leave you be it on your own head I would have wedded with your consent had you permitted it but now my destiny is fixed There is no peace in England at least let me be spared the agony of breaking another loving heart
Nearly three weeks rolled on and Eleanors extraordinary submission and even in some degree withdrawal from society for which Mrs Hamiltons arrival was a good excuse caused her fathers irritation against her almost entirely to subside That she passed several hours each day apart from her sister excited no surprise Emmeline was thankful even for her change of deportment but nothing confidential ever again passed between them That reports were floating about connecting the names of Miss Manvers and the late Lord Fitzclair seemed little heeded by Eleanor though they caused natural vexation to her family About this time an invitation arrived for Eleanor from a lady of rank slightly known to her father and living ten miles from Cheltenham in a beautiful villa at which she expected a select party of fashionables to ruralize for a week or two There was nothing in the note to excite the dread that weighed on Mrs Hamiltons spirits as Eleanor carelessly threw it to her for her perusal but she would not express it as Lord Delmont seemed inclined that Eleanor should accept it knowing that the lady was much too exclusive for Captain Fortescue to join her guests and believing that Eleanors apparent indifference to the visit originated from that cause Telling her he was so gratified by her having devoted so many evenings to her sister he added she had his full consent to go if she liked as he could better spare her than when Emmeline returned to Oakwood She quietly thanked him but evinced no particular pleasure
The day before her intended departure the sisters were sitting together and little Percy who now ran firmly without any falls was playing about the room He had already displayed a high spirit and passionate temper with their general accompaniment selfwill even in trifles that Mrs Hamilton felt would render her task a trying one but she was as firm as she was gentle and faced the pain of contradicting her darling bravely—
Do not touch that Percy love she said as her little boy stretched out his hand toward a beautiful but fragile toy that stood with other nicknacks on a low table The child looked laughingly and archly toward her and withdrew his hand but did not move from the table
Come here Percy you have not played with these pretty things for a long time and she took from her workbox some gayly colored ivory balls which had been his favorite playthings but just at present they had lost their charm and the young gentleman did not move
Mrs Hamilton knelt down by him and said quietly
My Percy will not disobey mamma will he
Me want that he replied in the pretty coaxing tone of infancy and he twined his little round arms caressingly round her neck
Mrs Hamilton felt very much tempted to indulge him but she resisted it
But that is not a fit plaything for you love besides it is not mine and we must not touch what is not ours Come and see if we can not find something just as pretty that you may have
And after some minutes merry play in her lap his mother hoped he had forgotten it but the little gentleman was not he thought to be so governed The forbidden plaything was quietly grasped and he seated himself on the ground in silent but triumphant glee
Surprised at his sudden silence Mrs Hamilton looked toward him It was his first act of decided disobedience and she knew she must not waver Young as he was he had already learned to know when she was displeased and when she desired him very gravely to give her the toy he passionately threw it down and burst into a violent fit of crying His nurse took him struggling from the room and Mrs Hamilton quietly resumed her work but there was such an expression of pain in her countenance that Eleanor exclaimed
Emmeline I have been watching you for the last half hour and I can not comprehend you Do explain yourself
I will if I can and Mrs Hamilton looked up and smiled
Why would you not let that poor little Percy have that toy
Because it would have been encouraging his touching or taking every thing he sees whether proper for him or not
But he could not understand that
Not now perhaps but I wish him to know that when I speak he must obey me It is I think a mistaken doctrine that we ought to give children a reason for all we desire them to do Obedience can then never be prompt as it ought to be And in fact if we wait until they are old enough to understand the reasons for a command the task will be much more difficult from the ascendency which willfulness may already have obtained
But then why were you so cruel as to send the poor child upstairs Was it not enough to take the toy from him
Not quite for him to remember that he must not touch it again
And do you really think he will not
I can only hope so Eleanor but I must not be disheartened if he do He is an infant still and I can not expect him to learn such a difficult lesson as obedience in one two or six lessons
And will he love you as much as if you had given it to him
Not at the moment perhaps but when he is older he will love me more And it is that hope which reconciles me to the pain which refusing to indulge him costs me now
And voluntarily you will bear the pain which had almost brought tears into the eyes of the severe and stoical Mrs Hamilton exclaimed Eleanor
It was a foolish weakness my dear Eleanor for which my husband would have chidden me but there must be pain to a mother if called upon to exert authority when inclination so strongly points to indulgence
Well if ever I have any thing to do with children I certainly shall not be half as particular as you are Emmeline I really can not imagine what harm gratifying myself and Percy could possibly have done
If ever you have children my dear Eleanor may you have strength of mind and selfcontrol sufficient to forget self and refuse the gratification of the present moment for the welfare of future years
Mrs Hamilton spoke impressively and something either in her words or tone caused the blood to rush into Eleanors cheeks and she hastily walked to the window then as abruptly returning she kissed her sister a very rare token of affection and declaring she was much too good for her to understand quitted the room
The following day dressed for her visit and only waiting for the carriage Eleanor accompanied by Mrs Hamilton and her little boys entered the same apartment Though not in general fond of nursing Eleanor had taken Herbert in her arms and was playing with him with unusual fondness Percy who had not seen the tempting plaything since his banishment the preceding day the moment his eye caught it to the astonishment of Eleanor ran up to his mother and lisping Me no touch that—Percy good boy now held up his little face lovingly to hers and with a very pardonable feeling of delight Mrs Hamilton lifted him up and covered him with kisses The feelings which thrilled through Eleanor at that moment she might indeed have found it difficult to explain but she was so conscious of a change of countenance as to hide her face on Herberts head It might have been obedience and disobedience brought so suddenly and strangely in contrast—and who were the actors an infant and herself For a minute she recovered stricken with sudden and agonized remorse but it was too late she had gone too far and the announcement of the carriage was a relief from that bitter moment of painful indecision Placing her baby nephew in his nurses arms she said caressingly Will not Percy give Lina some of those kisses as well as mamma The child threw one little arm round her neck and the other round that of his mother and then burst into a merry laugh at thus seeing himself as it were a link between them Never had it seemed to Eleanor that she had loved and admired her sister as she did at that moment all the neglect unkindness she had shown her all the sarcasm and satire of which either before or behind her she had so often made her the victim combined with an intense but how painfully vain longing to have resembled her in the remotest degree rather than be the character which had never before appeared so degraded so hateful—almost overpowered her—a convulsive sob escaped her as she clasped Emmeline in a close embrace and almost choked her hurried goodby Lord Delmont and Mr Hamilton were in the hall and the former was surprised and delighted at the warmth with which his usually reckless child returned his kiss and farewell the carriage drove off leaving unusual hope and cheerfulness behind it Alas in one short fortnight every rising hope was blighted Emmelines momentary dread fulfilled and Lord Delmont experiencing in all its agony
How sharper than a serpents tooth it is
To have a thankless child
CHAPTER V
A HEART AND HOME IN ENGLAND—A HEART AND HOME IN INDIA
From the moment Arthur Hamilton returned to Cheltenham with the painful intelligence that he had arrived at Leith only in time to witness the departure of the beautiful vessel which contained Captain Fortescue and the exquisitely lovely bride who had it seemed turned the heads of all the usually quiet Scotsmen who had seen her Lord Delmont gradually sunk The agony of losing her forever—for so he regarded her departure for and residence in India for an indeterminate time—conquered every other feeling Her conduct had caused emotions of anguish far too deep for the relieving sensation of anger The name of the lady from whose house and by whose connivance she had eloped he was never heard to breathe but if ever casually mentioned before him every feature would become convulsed and he would instantly leave the room Often and often he accused his own harshness as the cause of driving her from him and then came with overwhelming bitterness the thought that if he lately had been harsh surely the recollection of all the indulgent fondness he had shown demanded some gratitude in return If she had but written had but expressed one wish for his continued love one regret for his present pain But no letter came and the contending but alldepressing emotions so completely undermined a constitution never very strong and already worn by care that when another and still heavier trial came he sunk at once beneath it
Though Eleanor had been his favorite his feelings of pride and hope had greatly centered in his son whose career in five years active service on board a manofwar had been such as to raise him already to a lieutenancy and excite every gratifying emotion not only in his immediate family but in a large circle of admiring friends Mrs Hamiltons love for her brother had naturally increased strong as it always had been even in childhood—and the visits which Charles had been enabled to make to Oakwood brief in duration as they were compelled to be had always been fraught with heartfelt joyous happiness not only to herself but to her husband The pain and anxiety attendant on Eleanors elopement and the dread of its effects on Lord Delmont had for two or three months been the sole subject of thought but at length and like a fearful flash bringing a new sorrow to light it pressed upon them that it was long after the period that intelligence of Charles ought to have been received Still hoping against hope not only the Delmont family but all who had friends and relatives on board the Leander imagined that she might have drifted from her course or been engaged on some secret and distant expedition but that intelligence concerning her would and must soon come Alas after months of agonizing suspense information was received that several planks and masts bearing evidence of fire as well as water and some seachests bearing names only too soon recognized as those of some of the Leanders crew had been cast off the coast of Barbary and there could be no more doubt that death or slavery—that fearful slavery which the bombardment of Algiers had so displayed to European eyes—was the portion of all those beloved ones for whom so many aching hearts and eyes had watched and wept in vain It was a trial so terrible that Mrs Hamilton felt at first as if even submission had departed from her and she could almost have rebelled in spirit against the inscrutable decree that had consigned one so free from vice and evil so full of happiness and worth to a doom so terrible Much as she had loved and reverenced her husband before she seemed never to have felt his worth and tenderness till then It was his sympathy his strength that recalled her to a sense of her duty and gave her power to endure by a realization once more of that submissiveness to a Fathers will which had never before failed her But time though it softened the first anguish had no power over the memories of this brother not even when the increasing cares and joys of maternity so fully engrossed her that the present and the future of her children appeared to have banished all of her own past
Lord Delmont did not survive the mournful tidings of the certain wreck of the Leander above two months but his released spirit did not meet that of his son Charles was not dead He toiled as a slave long years in living death before there was even a partial amelioration of his sufferings But no tidings of him ever came a young child of three years old a distant branch of the Manvers family became Lord Delmont
Years rolled on and Mrs Hamiltons lot was so full of tranquil happiness so fraught with the innumerable daily joys of a loving wife and devoted mother that her prayer was ever rising for guidance and gratitude that prosperity might not unfit her for the dark days of trial and adversity when they should come That she had cares as well as joys could not be otherwise when so intensely anxious to bring up her children with more regard to their spiritual and moral welfare than even the cultivation of their intellect She was one of those who thought still more of the training of the heart than of the mind, believing that were the first properly awakened the latter would need little incitement to exertion Two girls had been the sole addition to her family
One other wish and one of many years standing Mrs Hamilton had it in her power to fulfill From childhood she had been accustomed to think of Lucy Harcourt as one to whom it might one day be in her power to return the heavy debt of gratitude she owed her mother she had been accustomed to correspond with her from very early years Mrs Harcourt delighting in creating a mutual interest between her pupil and the child from whom circumstances had so sadly separated her When therefore an event of a very painful nature to Miss Harcourts individual feelings compelled her—as the only hope of regaining peace and strengthening her for the arduous duty of instruction which she knew as a single woman was her sole source of independent subsistence—she had no scruple in accepting that friendship which Mrs Hamilton had so warmly proffered A very few days of personal intercourse sufficed for mutual conviction that correspondence had not deceived in the favorable impressions of either Miss Harcourt found indeed the friend her aching spirit needed and Mrs Hamilton long before the months of repose which she had insisted should forestall the commencement of exertion were over rejoiced in the conviction that the daughter of her beloved and regretted friend was indeed wellfitted for that position in her family—her helper in the moral and intellectual training of her daughters—which her vivid fancy had often pictured as so filled They were indeed but infants when Miss Harcourt arrived but Mr and Mrs Hamilton found means to overrule the honorable scruples which on the part of Lucy seemed at first against their plan and in her gradually returning health and peace Mrs Hamilton not only rejoiced but felt gratefully thankful that the wish of so many years standing and which had seemed so little likely to be fulfilled was absolutely accomplished and she could prove how deeply she had loved and mourned her truly maternal friend It is astonishing how often if an earnest heartfelt desire for the gratification of some good feeling or for the performance of some good deed be steadily and unvaryingly held before us without any regard to its apparent impossibility its accomplishment is at length obtained It is supposed to be only done so in books but this is a mistaken supposition arising from the simple fact of individuals so often forgetting their own past and failing steadily to pursue one object regardless of the lapse of years If they looked into themselves more often and more carefully if they sought consistency in desire and pursuit they would often be startled at their connection and that it is not so useless to wish and seek when both are of such a nature as can be based on and strengthened by prayer as it may seem Human life presents as many startling connections and contingencies as romance—only as the actors not the observers of this worlds busy scene we can not trace them as we do in books
The thought of Eleanor was the only dark shade in Mrs Hamiltons life She had written to her often but communication with India was not then what it is now and her letters might not have reached their destination especially as being in active service Captain Fortescue was himself constantly changing his quarters Whatever the cause for Eleanors letters Mrs Hamilton thought might also have miscarried she heard nothing of her till the hurried epistle commenced by her sister and finished by Mr Myrvin brought the startling intelligence that she was a widow and dying unable to reach Oakwood where she had hoped at least to have sufficient strength to bring her children and implore for them protection and love and conjuring Mrs Hamilton to come to her without delay The letter imperfectly directed had been days on its journey and it was with the most melancholy forebodings Mr and Mrs Hamilton had started for Llangwillan
But though it was not till many years after Edward and Ellen Fortescue became inmates of her family that Mrs Hamilton became acquainted with all the particulars of their childhood it is necessary that our readers should be rather more enlightened otherwise the character of Ellen may be to them as unnatural and as incomprehensible as it was to her aunt
That Eleanor could realize true happiness in a marriage entered into only because she could not bear the torture of her own thoughts and her constant dread of the worlds contumely was not likely At first indeed it was a very delightful thing to find herself the object not only of devotion to her husband whom could she entirely have forgotten Fitzclair she might have really loved but a still more brilliant star in India than she had even been in England Though Captain Fortescue was often engaged in marches and countermarches where Eleanor sometimes though very rarely accompanied him still there were intervals of rest for him in the larger cities where his wife ever shone preeminent For the first three or four years the pride he felt in seeing her so universally admired in the greater attention he received for her sake compensated for or concealed the qualities which as a soldiers wife he had fondly believed she would possess But as his health always delicate became more and more undermined and compelled him to relinquish society at least in a great measure and to look for the quiet pleasures of domestic life he found and bitter was that first awakening that his wishes his comfort were of no importance She could not resign the pleasures of society—of still being enabled to pursue the dangerous amusement of her girlhood though so guardedly that not a rumor against her ever found breath for the dullness of her home Yet still he loved her and when Eleanor with all the fascinating playfulness of her former self would caress and try to persuade him to go out with her and not sit moping at home and that if he would she would behave just as he liked and if he did not care to see her surrounded as she knew she was by red coats she would dismiss them all and devote herself to him—but indeed she could not stay at home—he would feel that it would be cruel indeed to chain such a being to his side and sometimes make the exertion for which he was little fitted to accompany her at others with kind words and indulgent love permit her to follow her own wishes and remain alone But little did he think the real reason that Eleanor could not rest in quiet at home The recollection of Lord Fitzclair was at such times so fearfully vivid that the very agony she had endured when first told of his fearful end would return in all its intensity the thought Had her father really cursed her for her disobedience and was it that forever hovering round her preventing any thing like lasting happiness And yet by a strange contradiction while the idea of her fathers curse shook her whole frame at times with convulsive sobs pride that most fatal ingredient of her character utterly prevented all attempt on her part to communicate with her relations She said as they had made no effort to conciliate she would not and yet the longing for Emmeline sometimes became actually painful
Eleanor was never intended for the heartless reckless being she had tried to become It was a constant and most terrible struggle between the good and evil parts of her nature and though the evil triumphed—in the determination that nothing should change her course of action nothing compel her to acknowledge she had ever been in the wrong and was really not the perfect creature which flattery was ever ready to pour into her ear—the good had yet so much power as to make her miserable by the conviction that she was not what she might have been—that she never could be happy—that every pleasure was hollow every amusement vain Again and again the memories of Emmelines gentle sustaining ever active piety would come before her as if beseeching her to seek the only fount of peace but so terrible was the selfreproach the anguish which the thought called up that she always turned from it with a shudder resolved that religion was never meant for such as herself and that its restrictions should never enter her mind or its dictates pass her lips
With the awakening intelligence of her son however there seemed one pleasure not wholly hollow—one enjoyment without the shadow of alloy and she grasped it with an avidity and a constancy that in a character generally so wavering and inconsistent was almost incredible That her son was from his earliest infancy the image of herself might have added strength to the feeling but the intense love almost idolatry she felt toward him increasing with his growth did much toward banishing the unpleasant feelings of remorse and homesickness She devoted herself to her boy not judiciously indeed for she was not one to practice selfdenial in education and as Edwards disposition was not one to cause her annoyance even from overindulgence there was not even the check of his illtemper or rudeness toward herself to whisper the fearful evil she was engendering
What was the emotion which had so riveted her to her son it might have been difficult to ascertain it could scarcely have been the mere instinct of maternity for then it would have extended to her daughter but as complete as was her indulgence to Edward so was her neglect of Ellen
Colonel Fortescue for he had gradually attained that rank had borne without complaint neglect of himself nay it had not had power in the least degree to diminish his love though it might have awakened him to the consciousness that his wife was indeed not perfect Her devotion to Edward even undertaking the toilsome task of instruction had delighted him for at first having been much from home he was not conscious of the lonely fate of his little girl but when the truth became evident that she was an object almost of dislike—that she was left entirely to the tender mercies of a hireling and Eleanor only alluded to her to contrast her peevishness and stupidity with Edwards happiness and intellect all the father was roused within him and for the first time he felt and expressed serious displeasure He acknowledged that his son might indeed be superior in beauty and talent but he would not allow that Ellens affections were less warm or her temper less capable of guidance To him and to all who had in the least attended to childhood Ellens face even from infancy expressed not illtemper but suffering Continually ill for she inherited her fathers constitution the poor little infant was constantly crying or fretful which Eleanor never having known what illness was attributed at once to a naturally evil temper which annoyed her The nurse as ignorant as she was obsequious adopted the same opinion and before she was even three years old harshness both by nurse and mother had been constantly used to make Ellen as good a child as her brother
In vain did the colonel when he became aware of this treatment remonstrate that it was the illness of the poor child—neither obstinacy nor illtemper his wife would not understand him and at length he sternly and peremptorily declared that as she had her will with Edward he would have his with Ellen and that no chastisement should be inflicted If she did wrong he was to be told of it and if necessary he would reprove her but he would allow no other interference Mrs Fortescue made not the least objection believing that as her husband had thus taken her in charge she was exonerated from all blame if she left her entirely to him
Only too quickly did the poor child discover that the lovely being whom she called mother and whom she loved so fondly had no love no caress for her Repeated punishment though it had only extended to her fifth year had completely crushed the gentle tender spirit that had required such judicious nursing and combined with physical suffering instead of deadening the feelings as in some dispositions it would have done had rendered them morbidly acute—an effect which constant loneliness naturally deepened Her fathers love and caresses had caused her to cling to him so passionately that every word he said every request he made her was treasured and thought upon when he was away from her with a tenacity many would have fancied unnatural in a child He taught her though his heart often bled as he did so for what claim had her mother upon the feelings he sought to inculcate to love honor and obey her mother in all things that if she did so she would be as happy as Edward in time and Ellen though she did not understand him obeyed but Colonel Fortescue little imagined the evil which was accruing from these very natural lessons
Ellen learned to believe that as her mother never noticed her except in accounts of anger or irritation it must be her own fault She longed to be beautiful and buoyant as Edward and that she was neither marked her in her own young mind as so inferior it was no wonder her mother could not caress or love her Had Edward presumed on his favoritism and been unkind or neglectful she might perhaps have envied more than she loved him but his disposition was naturally so noble so openhearted so generous that he always treated her with affection and would share with her his playthings and sweets even while he could not but believe her in all things his inferior and that as such of course her wishes could never cross with his Poor child she scarcely knew what it was to wish except that she might cling to her mother as she did to her father and that she could but be good and beautiful enough to win her love The lesson of concealment of every feeling is but too easily and too early learned Tears do not flow even from childhood when always rudely checked and angrily reproved Affection can not display itself unless called forth and so the very outward seeming of children is more in a parents hand than mere superficial observers may believe and Mrs Fortescue blamed and disliked the cold inanimate exterior which she had never tried to warm
Ellens extreme difficulty in acquiring knowledge compared with Edwards extraordinary quickness only confirmed her painful conviction of her great inferiority the impossibility of her ever winning love—and the consequent increased intensity of her affection for her father and brother who loved her notwithstanding That the child herself could not have defined these sensations is true but that they had existence even before she was nine years old and that they influenced many years of her afterlife causing error and suffering and rendering Mrs Hamiltons task one of pain and difficulty before these mistaken influences could be eradicated is equally so The power over early years is so immense its responsibility so extensive its neglect or abuse may indeed make the earnest thinker tremble less perhaps for the actual amount of general evil for that circumstances in after life are sometimes graciously permitted to avert but for individual suffering and individual joy—and especially is this the case in the training of girls More enduring in their very fragility than boys they may be compared to those precious metals which fire and water and pressure have no power to break but simply to draw out to a thinner and thinner thread dwindling more and more but to its last spiderwoven fineness capable of tenuity and vitality While boys like men are often crushed at once—the frame of the one and the spirit of the other equally unable to endure
CHAPTER VI
DOMESTIC DISCORD AND ITS END
The displeasure of her husband his reproaches for her conduct to Ellen by causing some degree of annoyance increased Mrs Fortescues feelings of dislike toward the object who had caused it and this was soon afterward heightened by selfreproach
A malignant fever broke out in the British settlement where Colonel Fortescue was stationed his wife and children were with him and dreadfully alarmed Eleanor determined to remove with her children to some less unhealthy spot The colonel willingly consented but before their hasty preparations were concluded Ellen sickened Alarm for Edward however so engrossed the mother that she appeared incapable of any other thought In vain Colonel Fortescue urged that his son would be safe with the friends who had promised to take charge of him and who were on the point of leaving the city that there were none on whom he could depend so to tend the little sufferer as not to require a guiding head and she knew how impossible it was for him to be with his child as his heart prompted He urged entreated commanded in vain Mrs Fortescue was inexorable She declared that the idea of her son being away from her at such a time would drive her mad and as for duty one child demanded her care as much as another that her husband might not care about thus exposing her to infection but she really thought for Edwards sake it was her duty to take care of herself It might be nothing to the colonel or Ellen whether she lived or died but to Edward it was a great deal and so as she must choose between them she would go with him who loved her best and who would be miserable without her The haughty angry tone with which she spoke the unjust taunt roused every indignant feeling and Colonel Fortescue said more in that moment of irritation than he could have believed possible But it only awakened the cold sustaining pride which Eleanor always called to her aid when conscience smote her and she departed with her son hardening every better feeling and rousing anger against her husband and child to conquer the suffering of selfreproach But when many miles from the city of death and there were no fears for Edward anxiety and wretchedness so assailed her that pride itself gave way To communicate with the infected city was difficult and very infrequent and again and again did she wish that she had remained
During the continuance of Ellens illness her fathers anguish was indeed terrible Every leisure moment he spent by her side moistening her parched lips bathing her burning forehead and listening to the plaintive accents of delirium with an acuteness of suffering that injured his own health more than he had the least idea of The attendants were really both kind and skillful but the colonel fancied when he was not with her she was neglected and in still greater suffering and the struggle between his duties and his child was almost more than he could bear He had never been a religious man—never known what it was to pray except in the public services of his regiment but now prayer earnest heartfelt poured from him and the thankfulness to God which so overpowered him when she was pronounced out of danger as to compel him to weep like a child planted a sense of a Fathers infinite love and infinite compassion within him which was his sole sustainer the short remainder of his life
Eleanors letters few as they were had in some degree softened his anger toward her but as he beheld the ravages of disease on his poor childs face and form rendering her still less attractive than she had been and perceived that bodily weakness had extended to her mind and often and often forced tears from her eyes and momentary complainings he trembled lest Eleanor should find still more to dislike and reprove and often his heart bled as Ellen would ask with tears for her dear mamma adding plaintively Mamma never kisses me or loves me as she does Edward but I like to be near her and look at her dear beautiful face and wish I was good and pretty enough for her to love me Why does she never come to me—and why may I not go to her
And what could the colonel reply except that her mother feared Edward would take the infection and therefore she was obliged to go with him to some place of safety And his child was satisfied repeating so fondly her delight that her dear dear Edward had been saved from being as ill as she was that her father clasped her closer and closer to his heart feeling the intrinsic beauty of a disposition that instead of repining that she was left alone to suffer could rejoice that her brother had been spared
Colonel Fortescue obtained a few weeks leave that he might take his child to the seaside as recommended ere she joined her mother And alone with him gradually regaining a moderate degree of strength Ellen was very happy but such bright intervals were indeed few and far between There was no change in her mothers conduct toward her when reunited Her heart had indeed risen to her lips as she again beheld the child so nearly lost and had she followed impulse she would have clasped her in her arms and wept over her but that would have seemed tacitly to acknowledge that she had been wrong and had suffered from it and so she refrained causing suffering to herself anguish to her child and pain to her husband all from that fell demon pride She only chose to remember that it was Ellen who had been the cause of her husbands anger—Ellen the constant subject of contention between them—Ellen always causing the pang of selfreproach and so how was it possible that she could love her
About a year after Ellens dangerous illness when she was nearly ten and Edward just eleven Colonel Fortescue was ordered to take command of some troops to be stationed at a fort whose vicinity to some hostile natives rendered it rather a post of danger The wives and children of the officers were permitted to accompany them if they wished it and except in the colonels own family there had been no hesitation in their choice The colonel was strangely and painfully depressed as with some vague dread and all his affection for his wife had returned with such force as to make him shrink in unusual suffering from the idea of leaving her and conquering reluctance for he felt as if she would not accede he implored her to accompany him confessing he felt ill and unhappy and shrank from a separation His wife looked at him with astonishment he had never asked nor thought of such a thing before she said in their many brief partings and she really could not understand him The place was decidedly unhealthy and Edward must not be exposed to its malaria besides which she had promised him to go to a juvenile ball which was given by an English family of rank in a fortnights time and she could not possibly disappoint him and why her husband should wish for her in such a place she could not imagine but she knew she should die of terror before she had been there a week Not a word did the colonel utter in reply but he felt as if an icebolt had struck his heart and frozen it at once He fixed his eyes upon her with a strange sad reproaching look which haunted her till her death and turning from her sought the room where Ellen was preparing her lessons for the joyful hour when he could attend to her As she sprung toward him with a cry of glee he clasped her to his bosom without the power of uttering a sound save a groan so deep and hollow that the childs unusual glee was checked and she clung to him in terror and when he could tell her that he was about to leave her and for an indefinite time her passionate grief seemed almost to comfort him by its strong evidence of her childish love
Let me go with you papa dear papa oh I will be so good—I will not give you any trouble indeed indeed I will not Pray pray take me with you dear dear papa And she looked in his face so beseechingly that the colonel had no strength to resist and fondly kissing her he promised that if Mrs Cameron would permit her to join her little family she should go with him and to Ellens intense thankfulness the permission was willingly accorded
Mrs Fortescue had indeed replied when her husband briefly imparted his intention that he certainly must intend Ellen to be ill again by exposing her to such an unhealthy climate and that if she were he must not be angry if she refused to go and nurse her as it would be all his weak indulgence and no fault of hers The colonel made no answer and irritated beyond measure at his manner Eleanor parted from her husband in coldness and in pride
The fortnight passed and Mrs Fortescue felt as if her own youth were indeed renewed the longings for universal admiration again her own but now it was only for her son and her triumph was complete many and lovely were the youthful beings called together on that festive night seeming as if England had concentrated her fairest and purest offspring in that far distant land but Edward and his still lovely mother outshone them all That she was herself admired as much if not more than she had ever been in her palmy days of triumph Eleanor scarcely knew her every feeling was centered in her boy and consequently the supercilious haughtiness which had so often marred her beauty in former days was entirely laid aside and maternal pride and pleasure gratified to the utmost added a new charm to her every movement and every word She heard the universal burst of admiration which greeted her as to oblige Edward she went through a quadrille with him and never in her whole career had she felt so triumphant so proud so joyous During the past fortnight she had often been tormented by selfreproach and her husbands look had disagreeably haunted her but this night not a fleeting thought of either the colonel or Ellen entered her mind and her pleasure was complete
Tired with dancing and rather oppressed with the heat Eleanor quitted the crowded ballroom and stood for a few minutes quite alone in a solitary part of the verandah which covered with lovely flowers ran round the house The music in the ballroom sounded in the distance as if borne by the night breeze in softened harmony over the distant hills The moon was at the full and lit up nearly the whole garden with the refulgence of a milder day At that moment a cold chill crept over the heart and frame of Eleanor causing her breath to come thick and gaspingly Why she knew not for there was nothing visible to cause it save that in one part of the garden a cluster of dark shrubs only partly illuminated by the rays of the moon seemed suddenly to have assumed the shape of a funeral bier covered with a military pall At the same moment the music in the ballroom seemed changed to the low wailing plaint and muffled drums the military homage to some mighty dead And if it were indeed but excited fancy it had a strange effect for Eleanor fainted on the marble floor
That same afternoon Colonel Fortescue with some picked men had set off to discover the track of some marauding natives who for some days had been observed hovering about the neighborhood Military ardor carried him farther than he intended and it was nearly night when entering a narrow defile a large body of the enemy burst upon them and a desperate contest ensued The defile was so hemmed in with rock and mountain that though not very distant from the fort the noise of the engagement had not been distinguished Captain Cameron was quietly sitting with his wife and elder children awaiting without any forebodings the return of the colonel Though it was late Ellens fears had been so visible that Mrs Cameron could not send her to bed the child seemed so restless and uneasy that the captain had tried to laugh her out of her cowardice as he called it declaring that her father would disown her if she could not be more brave Hasty footsteps were at length heard approaching and Ellen started from her seat and sprung forward as the door opened but it was not the colonel only a sergeant who had accompanied him and whose face caused Captain Cameron to exclaim in alarm How now Sergeant Allen returned and alone what has chanced
The worst those brown devils could have done was the energetic reply Weve beaten them and we will beat them again the villains but that will not bring him back—captain—captain—the colonels down
The captain started from his chair but before he could frame another word Ellen had caught hold of the old mans arm and wildly exclaimed Do you mean—do you mean pray tell me Sergeant Allen—Have the natives met papas troop and have they fought—and—is he hurt—is he killed The man could not answer her—for her look and tone he afterward declared to his comrades went through his heart just for all the world like a saber cut and for the moment neither Captain nor Mrs Cameron could address her The shock seemed to have banished voice from all save from the poor child principally concerned
Stay with me my dear Ellen Mrs Cameron at length said advancing to her as she stood still clinging to the sergeants arm the captain will go and meet your father and if he be wounded we will nurse him together dearest Stay with me
No no no was the agonized reply let me go to him he may die before they bring him here and I shall never feel his kiss or hear him bless me again He told me he should fall in battle—oh Mrs Cameron pray let me go to him
And they who knew all which that father was to his poor Ellen could not resist that appeal The sergeant said the colonel was not dead but so mortally wounded they feared to move him It was a fearful scene Death in its most horrid form was all around her her little feet were literally deluged in blood and she frequently stumbled over the dusky forms and mangled and severed limbs that lay on the grass but neither sob nor cry escaped her till she beheld her father His men had removed him from the immediate scene of slaughter and tried to form a rough pallet of military cloaks but the ghastly countenance which the moons light rendered still more fixed and pallid the rigidity of his limbs all seemed to denote they had indeed arrived too late and that terrible stillness was broken by the convulsed and passionate sobs of the poor child who flinging herself beside him besought him only to open his eyes to look upon her once more to call her his darling and kiss her once only once again and it seemed as if her voice had indeed power to recall the fluttering soul The heavy eyes did unclose the clenched hand relaxed to try and clasp his child and he murmured feebly—
How came you here my poor darling Ellen are friends here—is that Camerons voice The captain knelt down by him and convulsively pressed his hand but he could not speak
God bless you Cameron Take my poor child to her mother—implore her—to—and it is tonight this very night—she and my boy are happy—and I—and my poor Ellen— A fearful convulsion choked his voice but after a little while he tried to speak again—
My poor child I have prepared you for this but I know you must grieve for me Take my blessing to your brother tell him to protect—love your mother darling she must love you at last—a ring—my left hand—take it to her—oh how I have loved her—God have mercy on her—on my poor children He tried to press his lips again on Ellens cheek and brow but the effort was vain—and at the very moment Mrs Fortescue had stood transfixed by some unknown terror her husband ceased to breathe
It was long before Ellen rallied from that terrible scene Even when the fever which followed subsided and she had been taken apparently perfectly restored to health once more to her mother and brother its recollection so haunted her that her many lonely hours became fraught with intense suffering Her imagination already only too morbid dwelt again and again upon the minutest particular of that field of horror not only her father but the objects which when her whole heart was wrapped in him she seemed not even to have seen The ghastly heaps of dead the severed limbs the mangled trunks the gleaming faces all fixed in the distorted expressions with which they died—the very hollow groans and louder cry of pain which as she passed through the field had fallen on her ear unheeded returned to the poor childs too early awakened fancy so vividly that often and often it was only a powerful though almost unconscious effort that prevented the scream of fear Her fathers last words were never forgotten she would not only continue to love her mother because he had desired her to do so but because he had so loved her and on her first return home this seemed easier than ever to accomplish Mrs Fortescue tortured by remorse and grief had somewhat softened toward the child who had received the last breath of her husband and could Ellen have overcome the reserve and fear which so many years of estrangement had engendered and given vent to the warmth of her nature Mrs Fortescue might have learned to know and knowing to love her—but it was then too late
So torturing were Mrs Fortescues feelings when she recalled the last request of her husband and her cruel and haughty refusal when that which had seemed so important a juvenile ball—because not to go would disappoint Edward—became associated with his fearful death and sunk into worse than nothing—she had parted with him in anger and it proved forever—that even as England had become odious to her twelve years before so did India now and she suddenly resolved to quit it and return to the relatives she had neglected so long but toward whom she now yearned more than ever She thought and believed such a complete change would and must bring peace Alas what change will remove the torture of remorse
Though incapable of real love from her studied heartlessness it was impossible for her to have lived twelve years with one so indulgent and fond as Colonel Fortescue without realizing some degree of affection and his unexpected and awful death roused every previously dormant feeling so powerfully that she was astonished at herself and in her misery believed that the feeling had only come to add to her burden—for what was the use of loving now and determined to rouse herself she made every preparation for immediate departure but she was painfully arrested The selfish mother had fled from the couch of her suffering child and now a variation of the same complaint laid her on a bed of pain It was a desperate struggle between life and death but she rallied and insisted on taking her passage for England some weeks before her medical attendant thought it advisable The constant struggle between the whisperings of good and the dominion of evil which her whole life had been had unconsciously undermined a constitution naturally good and when to this was added a malignant disease though brief in itself the seeds of a mortal complaint were planted which ere the long voyage was concluded had obtained fatal and irremediable ascendency and occasioned those sufferings and death which in our first chapters we described
To Edward though the death of his father had caused him much childish grief still more perhaps from sympathy with the deep suffering of his mother than a perfect consciousness of his own heavy loss the manner in which he died was to him a source of actual pride He had always loved the histories of heroes military and naval and gloried in the idea that his father had been one of them and died as they did bravely fighting against superior numbers and in the moment of a glorious victory He had never seen death and imagined not all the attendant horrors of such a one and how that Ellen could never even hear the word without shuddering he could not understand nor why she should always so painfully shrink from the remotest reference to that night which was only associated in his mind with emotions of pleasure In the tedious voyage of nearly six months for fiveandtwenty years ago the voyage from India to England was not what it is now the character of Edward shone forth in such noble coloring as almost to excuse his mothers idolatry and win for him the regard of passengers and crew Captain Cameron had impressed on his mind that he now stood in his fathers place to his mother and sister and as the idea of protecting is always a strong incentive to manliness in a boy however youthful Edward well redeemed the charge so devoting himself not only to his mother but to Ellen that her affection for him redoubled as did her mistaken idea of his vast superiority
His taste had always pointed to the naval in preference to the military profession and the voyage confirmed it Before he had been a month on board he had become practically an expert sailor—had learned all the technical names of the various parts of a ship and evinced the most eager desire for the acquirement of navigation Nor did he fail in the true sailor spirit when almost within sight of England a tremendous storm arose reducing the vessel almost to a wreck carrying her far from her destined moorings and compelling her after ten days doubt whether or not she would reach land in safety to anchor in Milford Haven there to repair her injuries ere she could be again seaworthy
The passengers here left her and Mrs Fortescue whose illness the terrors of the storm had most alarmingly increased was conveyed to Pembroke in an almost exhausted state but once on land she rallied resolved on instantly proceeding to Swansea then cross to Devonshire and travel direct to Oakwood where she had no doubt her sister was But her temper was destined to be tried still more The servant who had accompanied her from India an Englishwoman tired out with the fretful impatience of Mrs Fortescue during the voyage and disappointed that she did not at once proceed to London demanded her instant discharge as she could not stay any longer from her friends The visible illness of her mistress might have spared this unfeeling act but Eleanor had never shown feeling or kindness to her inferiors and therefore perhaps had no right to expect them Her suppressed anger and annoyance so increased physical suffering that had it not been for her children she must have sunk at once but for their sakes she struggled with that deadly exhaustion and set off the very next morning without any attendant for Swansea They were not above thirty miles from this town when despite her every effort Mrs Fortescue became too ill to proceed There was no appearance of a town or village but the owners of a halfway house pitying the desolate condition of the travelers directed the postboy to the village of Llangwillan which though out of the direct road and four or five miles distant was yet the nearest place of shelter And never in her whole life had Mrs Fortescue experienced such a blessed sensation of physical relief as when the benevolent exertions of Mr Myrvin had installed her in widow Morgans humble dwelling and by means of soothing medicine and deep repose in some degree relieved the torture of a burning brain and aching frame Still she hoped to rally and obtain strength sufficient to proceed and bitter was the anguish when the hope was compelled to be relinquished—With all that followed our readers are already acquainted and we will therefore at once seek the acquaintance of Mrs Hamiltons own family whose Traits of Character will we hope illustrate other and happier home influences than those of indiscreet indulgence and culpable neglect
PART II
TRAITS OF CHARACTER
CHAPTER I
YOUTHFUL COLLOQUY—INTRODUCING CHARACTER
The curtains were drawn close the large lamp was on the table and a cheerful fire blazing in the grate for though only September the room was sufficiently large and the evenings sufficiently chill for a fire to add greatly to its aspect of true English comfort There were many admirable pictures suspended on the walls and wellfilled bookcases desks and maps stands of beautiful flowers and some ingenious toys all seeming to proclaim the apartment as the especial possession of the young party who were this evening busily engaged at the large round table which occupied the centre of the room They were only four in number but what with a large desk piled with books and some most alarmingsized dictionaries which occupied the elder of the two lads the embroidery frame of the elder girl the dissected map before her sister and two or three books scattered round the younger boy the table seemed so well filled that Miss Harcourt had quietly ensconced herself in her own private little corner sufficiently near to take an interest and sometimes join in the conversation of her youthful charge but so apart as to be no restraint upon them and to enable her to pursue her own occupations of either reading writing or working uninterruptedly Could poor Mrs Fortescue have glanced on the happy group she certainly might have told her sister with some show of justice that there was such an equal distribution of interesting and animated expression which is the great beauty of youth that she could not have known the trial of having such a heavy dull unhappy child as Ellen Mrs Hamilton indeed we rather think would not have considered such a trial except as it proved illhealth and physical pain in the little sufferer and perhaps her increased care and tenderness for such with her would have been the consequence of the same cause which had created her sisters neglect might have removed both the depression of constant but impalpable illness and the expression of heaviness and gloom Certain it is that her own Herbert had with regard to delicate health given her more real and constant anxiety than Eleanor had ever allowed herself to experience with Ellen but there was nothing in the boys peculiarly interesting countenance to denote the physical suffering he very often endured Care and love had so surrounded his path with blessings that he was often heard to declare that he never even wished to be as strong as his brother or to share his active pleasures he had so many others equally delightful Whether it was his physical temperament inducing a habitude of reflection and studious thought much beyond his years or whether the unusually gifted mind worked on the frame or the one combined to form the other it would be as impossible to decide with regard to him as with hundreds of others like him but he certainly seemed not only to his parents but to their whole household and to every one who casually associated with him to have more in him of heaven than earth as if indeed he were only lent not given And often and often his mothers heart ached with its very intensity of love causing the unspoken dread—how might she hope to retain one so faultless and yet so full of every human sympathy and love The delicate complexion beautiful color of his cheeks and lips and large soft very dark blue eye with its long black lash high arched brow shaded by glossy chestnut hair were all so lit up with the rays of mind that though his face returned again and again to the fancy of those who had only once beheld it they could scarcely have recalled a single feature feeling only the almost angelic expression of the whole
His brother as full of mirth and mischief and as noisy and laughterloving as Herbert was quiet and thoughtful made his way at once winning regard by storm and retaining it by his frank and generous qualities which made him a favorite with young and old Even in his hours of study there was not the least evidence of reflection or soberness As a child he had had much to contend with in the way of passion pride and selfwill but his home influence had been such a judicious blending of indulgence and firmness on the part of both his parents such a persevering inculcation of a strong sense of duty religious and moral that at fifteen his difficulties had been all nearly overcome and except when occasional acts of thoughtlessness and hasty impulse lured him into error and its painful consequences he was as happy and as good a lad as even his anxious mother could desire
The elder of his two sisters resembled him in the bright dark flashing eye the straight intellectual brow the rich dark brown hair and wellformed mouth but the expression was so different at present that it was often difficult to trace the likeness that actually existed Haughtiness and but too often illtemper threw a shade over a countenance which when happy and animated was not only attractive then but gave a fair promise of great beauty in after years The disposition of Caroline Hamilton was in fact naturally so similar to that of her aunt Mrs Fortescue that Mrs Hamiltons task with her was not only more difficult and painful in the present than with any of the others but her dread of the future at times so overpowering that it required all her husbands influence to calm her by returning trust in Him who had promised to answer all who called upon Him and would bless that mothers toils which were based on and looked up alone to His influence on her child and guidance for herself
The blueeyed fairhaired graceful little Emmeline not only the youngest of the family but from her slight figure delicate small features and childish manner appearing even much younger than she was was indeed a source of joy and love to all seeming as if sorrow except for others could not approach her She had indeed much that required a carefully guiding hand in a yielding weakness of disposition indolent habit in learning an unrestrained fancy and its general accompaniment oversensitiveness of feeling but so easily guided by affection and with a disposition so sweet and gentle that a word from her mother was always enough Mrs Hamilton had little fears for her except indeed as for the vast capability of individual suffering which such a disposition engendered in those trials which it was scarcely possible she might hope to pass through life without There was only one safeguard one unfailing comfort for a character like hers and that was a deep everpresent sense of religion which untiringly and yet more by example than by precept her parents endeavored to instill Greatly indeed would both Mr and Mrs Hamilton have been astonished had they been told that the little girl Ellen Fortescue who to both was such an enigma and who was seemingly in all things so utterly unlike their Emmeline was in natural disposition exactly the same and that the vast difference in present and future character simply arose from the fact, that the early influences of the one were sorrow and neglect and of the other happiness and love
I wonder whether mamma and papa will really come home tonight observed Caroline after several minutes of unbroken silence all seemingly so engrossed in their own occupations as to have no inclination to speak And if they do I wish we could know the exact time I do so hate expecting and being disappointed
Then neither wonder nor expect my sage sister replied Percy without however raising his head or interrupting his writing and I will give you two capital reasons for my advice Firstly wonder is the offspring of ignorance and has two opposite effects on my sex and on yours With us it is closely connected with philosophy for we are told in wonder all philosophy begins in wonder it ends and adoration fills up the interspace but with you poor weak creatures the only effect it produces is increased curiosity of which you have naturally a more than adequate supply Secondly if you begin to wonder and expect and speculate as to the ayes and noes of a contingency tonight you will not cease talking till mamma really does appear and then goodby to my theme for to write while your tongue is running is impossible So pray take my advice on consideration that you have had as good a sermon from me as my reverend brother Herbert can ever hope to give
I do not think mamma and papa will be quite satisfied if he do not give us a much better one even the very first time he attempts it rejoined Emmeline with a very arch look at her brother
What you against me Miss Emmy and beginning to talk too You forget what an important personage I am during papas absence especially and that as such I am not to be insulted with impunity So here goes—as a fresh exercise for your patience And he mingled all the fixed and unfixed parts of her map in most bewildering confusion regardless of her laughing entreaty to let them alone
You have tried a very bad way to keep me quiet Percy continued Caroline you must either explain why wonder may not equally have the same good effect on us as on you or retract your words entirely You know you would not have expressed such a contemptuous opinion if mamma had been present
My mother is such a very superior person that when she is present her superiority extends over her whole sex Caroline even you are safe because as her child it is to be hoped that one of these days you may be something like her exactly I do not expect—two such woman as my mother can not exist
As if your opinion were of such importance Percy replied Caroline haughtily it really is very little consequence to me whether you think me like mamma or not
It is to me though rejoined Emmeline earnestly I would rather be like mamma than like any body else and I should like Percy to think I was because then he would love me still more
Bravo my little Em spoken almost as well as I could myself and as a reward as soon as this most annoying piece of erudition is accomplished I will help you with your map why you silly little thing you have put Kamschatka as the terra firma of South America no doubt that ice and snow would be very welcome there but how the Americans would stare to see the furclad Kamschatkans such near neighbors Thats it go on puzzle away till I can help you And you Miss Caroline retain your contempt of my opinion and may you never repent it
I thought you told me not to talk Percy replied his sister and I should like to know who is talking the most you or I You will not finish what you are doing before the bell rings for prayers if you go on in this way
That proves how little you know the extent of my powers I have only to make a clean copy of these learned reflections Why in the name of all the gods were there such provokingly clever people as Seneca Cicero Pliny and a host of others or if they must be wise why did they not burn all the written wisdom instead of leaving it as a means of torture in the hands of learned pedagogues yclept schoolmasters and as a curse on those poor unfortunates whose noddles are not wise enough to contain it
I should be very sorry if all the ancient authors were thus annihilated observed Herbert looking up from his book with a bright smile I should lose a great deal of enjoyment even now and still more byandby when I know more
Ay but my dear fellow your head is not quite so like a sieve as mine Yours receives contains digests and sends forth the matter improved by your own ideas but as for mine the matter undoubtedly enters but runs out again and only leaves behind that which is too large and gross to pass through No no Bertie your head and mine are not related even in the twentieth degree of consanguinity however nearly connected their masters may be Hush not a word I have only one line more what a wise man that was to be sure who said Otiosum esse quam nihil agere—better to be idle than doing nothing Dont shake your head and laugh Emmy Vale never did I say goodby so willingly Hurrah mamma and papa may come home when they like now Cast your eyes over it Herbert just tell me if it look correct and then vale books—vale pens—vale desk for tonight He placed his writing on his brothers open bunk threw his dictionary and grammar high in air and dexterously caught them as they fell piled up his books closed his desk and then with a comical sigh of relief flung himself full length on a sofa
Now that you have finished your task Percy perhaps you will have the kindness to inform us why at this time of the evening you have been writing Latin inquired Caroline
And open my wound afresh However it is quite right that Miss Harcourt should know that if I am ill from overstudy tomorrow it is her doing
Mine answered Miss Harcourt laughing pray explain yourself young man for I am so perfectly innocent as not even to understand you
Did you not this morning give me a message to Lady Helen Grahame
I did you passed her house on your way to Mr Howards
Well then if you had not given me the message much as I felt disinclined to pore over musty books and foolscap paper from the extreme loveliness of the morning I should have nerved myself to go straight on to the Rectory Lady Helen was not visible so I tarried believing your message of vital importance and Annie came to me—bytheby what a little woman that child is Emmeline you are a baby to her I wonder she condescends to associate with you
I do not think she is at all fond of me—Caroline is her friend replied Emmeline but what can Annie have to do with your Latin
A great deal—for she talked and we walked and time walked too and by the time I had seen Lady Helen it was two hours later than I ought to have been with Mr Howard On I went feeling not particularly comfortable but though it is clear logic that if Miss Harcourt had not sent me to Lady Helens I should not have been led into temptation I was magnanimous enough not to mention her but to lay the whole blame of my nonappearance on my own disinclination for any study but that of nature Mr Howard looked grave and sorrowful—I wish to heaven he was more like any other schoolmaster that look and tone of his are worse than any rod—and to redeem my lost time in the morning I was desired to write a Latin theme on a letter of Plinys this evening And now that I have satisfied all your inquiries please satisfy mine Is there any chance of mammas coming home tonight
Every probability replied Miss Harcourt It only depends on your cousin who is so very delicate that if she were too fatigued Mr Hamilton would remain at Exeter tonight and proceed here early tomorrow
Well my little cousin though I have not the pleasure of knowing you I hope you will be so kind as to let mamma come on tonight for we have been too long without her and I long to resign to papa his robes of office for they sit mightily like borrowed plumes upon me Mamma writes of Ellen and Edward—I wonder what they are like Come Tiny paint them for me—your fertile fancy generally fills up the shadow of a name
I can not Percy for I am afraid my pictures would not be agreeable
Not agreeable repeated Percy and Miss Harcourt together Why not
Emmeline hesitated then answered ingenuously We are so very very happy together that I do not feel quite sure that I am glad my cousins are going to live with us
What are you afraid I shall love Ellen more than you Emmy exclaimed her brother starting up and sitting on her chair do not be alarmed Tiny no cousin shall take your place
Indeed I am not afraid of that Percy dear she replied looking so fondly in his face that he gave her a hearty kiss I can not tell why I should feel half sorry that they are coming but I am quite sure I will do all I can to make them happy
You could not do otherwise if you were to try Tiny Come Caroline what say you We have all been thinking about them so we may as well give each other the benefit of our thoughts
Suppose I do not feel inclined to do so
Why we must all believe you are ashamed of them replied Percy quickly and if you are I know who has made you so I would lay any wager the whole time you have been with Lady Helen Grahame since mamma has been away she has been talking of nothing else—look look she is blushing—I am right
And if she did replied Caroline very much provoked she said nothing that I am ashamed of repeating She knew my aunt before she went to India and I am sure if her children are like her they will be no agreeable additions to our family
Bravo Caroline you really are an apt pupil Lady Helens words and manner completely but you may have one comfort children are not always like their parents and if they are as unlike Lady Helens description of my poor aunt which by the way she had no right to give nor you to listen to as you are at this moment unlike mamma we shall get on capitally and need have no fears about them
Percy you are intolerably disagreeable
Because I speak the sad sober truth Caroline do pray get rid of that dawning ill temper before mamma comes it will not be a pleasant welcome home
I am not illtempered Percy I suppose I may have my own opinion of Ellen and Edward as well as all of you replied his sister angrily
But do not let it be an unkind one without knowing them dear Caroline observed Herbert gently it is so very difficult to get rid of a prejudice when once it has entered our minds even when we know and feel that it is a wrong one I am sure if we only thought how sad it is that they have neither father nor mother to love them and are coming all among strangers—born in a strange land too—we should find quite enough to think kindly about and leave all wonder as to what they will be like till we know them I dare say we shall often have to bear and forbear but that we have to do with each other and it will only be one brother and sister more
Brother and sister I am sure I shall not think of them so Herbert however you may My father might have been a nobleman and who knows any thing of theirs
Caroline how can you be so ridiculous exclaimed Percy with a most provoking fit of laughter Their father served and died for his king—as our grandfather did and had he lived might have been offered a title too—and their mother—really I think you are very insulting to mamma her sisters children I should imagine quite as high in rank as ourselves
And even if they were not—what would it signify rejoined Herbert Dear Caroline pray do not talk or think so it makes me feel so sorry for I know how wrong it is—we might have been in their place
I really can not fancy any thing so utterly impossible interrupted Caroline so you may spare the supposition Herbert
It is no use Bertie you must bring the antipodes together before you and Caroline will think alike interposed Percy perceiving with regret the expression of pain on his brothers face and always ready to guard him either from physical or mental suffering feeling instinctively that from his extraordinary mind and vivid sense of duty he was liable to the latter from many causes which other natures would pass unnoticed
Miss Harcourt did not join the conversation It had always been Mrs Hamiltons wish that in their intercourse with each other her children should be as unrestrained as if they had been alone Had Carolines sentiments received encouragement she would have interfered but the raillery of Percy and the earnestness of Herbert she knew were more likely to produce an effect than any thing like a rebuke from herself which would only have caused restraint before her in future It was through this perfect unrestraint that Mrs Hamilton had become so thoroughly acquainted with the several characters of her children That Carolines sentiments caused her often real pain was true but it was far better to know them and endeavor to correct and remove them by causing education to bear upon the faults they revealed than to find them concealed from her by the constant fear of words of reproof
To remove Herberts unusual seriousness Percy continued laughingly—
Miss Harcourt what are your thoughts on this momentous subject It is no use asking Herberts we all know them without his telling us but you are almost the principally concerned of the present party for Ellen will bring you the trouble of another pupil
I shall not regret it Percy but only shall rejoice if I can in any way lessen your mothers increased charge As for what your cousins will be like I candidly tell you I have scarcely thought about it I have no doubt we shall find them strange and shy at first but we must do all we can to make them feel they are no strangers
And now then it only remains for the right honorable me to speak and really Emmy and Herbert and you have told my story and left me nothing I do not know whether I am pleased or not but I am very sorry for them and it will be capital if this Master Edward turns out a lad of spirit and mischief and not overlearned or too fond of study—one in fact that I can associate with without feeling such a painful sensation of inferiority as I do when in company with my right reverend brother
Dear Percy do not call me reverend said Herbert appealingly I feel it almost a mockery now when I am so very far from being worthy to become a clergyman
You are a good fellow Bertie and I will not tease you if I can help it—but really I do not mean it for mockery you know or ought to know that you are better now than half the clergymen who have taken orders and as much superior to me in goodness as in talent
Indeed I know no such thing Percy I am not nearly so strong in health as you are and am therefore naturally more fond of quiet pleasures and as for talent if you were as fond of application as of frolic you would leave me far behind
Wrong Bertie quite wrong but think of yourself as you please I know what every body thinks of you Hush is that the sound of a carriage or only the wind making love to the old oaks
The wind making love Percy repeated Emmeline laughing I neither hear that nor the carriage wheels kissing the ground
Well done Tiny my poetry is beaten hollow but there—there—I am sure it is a carriage and Percy bounded from the table so impetuously as nearly to upset it flung back the curtain and looked eagerly from the window
Herbert closed his book to listen Emmeline left her nearlycompleted map and joined Percy Caroline evidently tried to resume serenity but too proud to evince it industriously pursued her work breaking the thread almost every time that she drew out the needle
It is nothing Percy how could you disappoint us so said Herbert in a tone of regret
My good fellow you must be deaf—listen nearer and louder—and look there Emmeline through those trees dont you see something glimmering that must be the lamp of the carriage
Nonsense Percy it is a glowworm
A glowworm why Em the thought of seeing mamma has blinded you What glowworm ever came so steadily forward No there is no mistake now Hurrah it is the carriage here Robert Morris Ellis all of you to the hall to the hall The carriage is coming down the avenue And with noisy impatience the young gentleman ran into the hall assembled all the servants he had named and others too all eager to welcome the travelers flung wide back the massive door and he and Herbert both were on the steps several minutes before the carriage came in sight
CHAPTER II
THREE ENGLISH HOMES AND THEIR INMATES
If more than the preceding conversation were needed to reveal the confidence and love with which Mr and Mrs Hamilton were regarded by their children the delight the unrestrained expressions of affection with which by every one of the young party they were received would have evinced it still more clearly Herbert was very speedily on his favorite seat a low stool at his mothers feet Emmeline for that one half hour at least assumed her still unresigned privilege as the youngest and tiniest to quietly slip in her lap Percy was talking to his father making Edward perfectly at home saying many kind words to Ellen and caressing his mother all almost at the same moment Caroline was close to her father with her arm round his neck and Miss Harcourt was kindly disrobing Ellen from her many wraps and making her lie quietly on a sofa near her aunt who even in that moment of delightful reunion with her own had yet time and thought by a few judicious words to remove the undefinable but painful sensation of loneliness which was creeping over the poor child as she gazed on her bright happylooking cousins and thought if to her own mother Edwards beauty and happiness had made him so much more beloved than herself what claim could she have on her aunt Ellen could not have said that such were the thoughts that filled her eyes with tears and made her heart so heavy she only knew that much as she had loved her aunt during the journey her kiss and kind words at that moment made her love her more than ever
Never had there been a happier meal at Oakwood than the substantial tea which was speedily ready for the travelers So much was there to hear and tell Percys wild sallies Carolines animated replies she had now quite recovered her temper Herberts gentle care of Ellen by whom he had stationed himself even giving up to her his usual seat by his mother Emmelines half shy half eager efforts to talk to her cousins Mr and Mrs Hamiltons earnest interest all combined long before the meal was concluded to make Edward feel perfectly at his ease and very happy and greatly to remove Ellens unacknowledged dread The time passed so quickly that there was a general start when the prayer bell sounded though it was nearly two hours after the usual time
Are you prepared for tonight my boy Mr Hamilton asked of Herbert as they rose to adjourn to the library where morning and evening it had been the custom of the Hamilton family for many generations to assemble their whole household for family devotion
Yes papa I was not quite sure whether you would arrive tonight
Then I will not resume my office till tomorrow Herbert that I may have the gratification of hearing you officiate replied his father linking his sons arm in his and affectionately glancing on the bright blush that rose to the boys cheek
There was a peculiar sweetness in Herbert Hamiltons voice even in speaking and as he read the service of the lessons for the evening adding one or two brief explanations when necessary and more especially when reading or rather praying the beautiful petitions appropriated to family worship there was an earnest solemnity of tone and manner presenting a strange contrast yet beautiful combining with the boyish form and youthful face on which the lamp suspended over the readingdesk shed such a soft and holy light The occasional prayer which was added to the usual evening service was always chosen by the reader and Mr and Mrs Hamilton were surprised and affected at the earnestness with which their almost angel boy selected and read over one peculiarly bearing on the events of that evening the introduction of their orphan relatives for compassion and blessing on them and grace for increased kindness and forbearance in their intercourse with one another—Miss Harcourt his brother and sisters knew well to what he alluded and all but one responded with earnestness and truth Caroline could not enter into Herberts feelings even at that moment it was a great effort to prevent a feeling of irritation believing that he directly pointed at her and determining that as neither he nor any one else had any right to interfere with her private thoughts and that they could do harm to none while confined to her own breast she resolved not to overcome them and so could not join with any fervor in the prayer
To Edward all was strange While the graces of his body and mind had been most sedulously cultivated he had never been taught even the public ordinances of religion much less its inward spirit His mother had often and often felt a pang of reproach at thus neglecting that which an inward voice would whisper was most essential but she was wont to silence the pang by the determined idea that she was neither worthy nor able to give him such solemn lessons and that it would come by instinct to him in after years There was time enough for him to think of such things He had been now and then to church but it was a mere form regarded as a weary duty from which he escaped whenever he could The present scene then completely bewildered him He had always fancied himself superior to any of the boys he had associated with but as he looked at and listened to Herbert who seemed at most only two years older than himself he became sensible of a very strange and disagreeable but a very decided feeling of inferiority and then too it was so incomprehensible the servants all joining them a class of people whom in India he had been taught so to consider his inferiors that even to speak with them was a species of degradation and he was destined to be still more surprised for before they left the library he heard his aunt and uncle address them all and say a few kind words and make inquiries after their families to each
To Ellen that evening service recalled some of Mr Myrvins instructions and seemed to help her to realize those new thoughts and feelings which she had learned for the first time in Wales Her father had indeed the last year of his life tried to give her some ideas of religion but having only so very lately begun to think seriously himself he felt diffident and uncertain of his own powers and so left an impression more of awe toward the subject than of love which to a disposition such as Ellens was unfortunate
A very short time sufficed for Percy and Emmeline to introduce their cousins to all the delights and mysteries of their dear old home and Oakwood Hall was really a place for imagination to revel in It was a large castelated mansion fraught with both the associations of the past and the comforts of the present The injuries which the original mansion had received during the civil war of Charles I had when the family returned at the Restoration caused much of the old house to be pulled down and replaced with larger rooms and greater conveniences for a modern dwellinghouse retaining however quite sufficient of the past to throw interest around it
The wings were still flanked with turrets which were Percys and Emmelines delight and the many staircases leading into all sorts of nooks and corners—and the small and most uncomfortable rooms because some of them happened to be hung with tapestry and had those small narrow windows sunk in deep recesses—were pronounced by both far more enjoyable than the beautiful suite of rooms forming the center of the mansion and the dwelling of the family These were only saved from being disagreeably modern—Percy would declare—by their beautiful richlypolished oaken panels and by the recesses which the large windows still formed making almost a room by themselves The hall too with its superb sweep of staircase and broad carved oaken balustrade leading to a gallery above which opened on the several sleeping apartments and thus permitting the full height of the mansion from base to roof to be visible from the hall Tho doors visible in the gallery opened mostly on dressingrooms or private sittingrooms which led to the large airy sleepingrooms to which the servants had access by back staircases leading from their hall and so leaving the oaken staircase and gallery entirely to the use of the family and of many a game of noisy play had that gallery been the scene There had been a beautiful little chapel adjoining the mansion but it was mercilessly burned to the ground by the infatuated Puritans and never restored the venerable old church of the village henceforth serving the family of the hall
Situated on the banks of the Dart whose serpentine windings gave it the appearance of a succession of most lovely lakes Nature had been so lavish of her beauties in the garden and park especially in the magnificent growth of the superb oaks from which the estate took its name that it was not much wonder Mrs Hamilton always an intense lover of nature should have become so attached to her home as never to feel the least inclination to leave it She did not wish her girls to visit London till a few months before Caroline was old enough to be introduced to give them then finishing masters and to that time she of course always looked as demanding from her part of the year to be spent in town The career of Eleanor the recollections of the frivolity and error into which her own early youth had been thrown had given her not only a distaste but an actual dread of London for her girls till such principles and associations had been instilled which would enable them to pass through the ordeal of successive seasons without any change of character or feeling Her sons since their tenth year had more than once accompanied their father to the metropolis but though these visits were always sources of enjoyment especially to Percy they never failed to return with unabated affection to their home and to declare there was no place in England like it
Mr Hamilton though in neither profession nor business was far from being an idle man His own estate was sufficiently large and contained a sufficient number of dependents for whose mortal and immortal welfare he was responsible to give him much employment and in addition to this the home interests and various aspects of his country were so strongly entwined with his very being—that though always refusing to enter Parliament he was the prompter and encourager of many a political movement having for its object amelioration of the poor and improvement of the whole social system closely connected with which as he was they gave him neither public fame nor private emolument He acted in all things from the same singlehearted integrity and high honor which caused him to refuse the title proffered to his father Her husbands connection with many celebrated characters and her own correspondence and occasional visits from her friends to Oakwood prevented Mrs Hamiltons interest from too complete concentration in her home as in her first retirement many feared She had too some friends near her whose society gave her both pleasure and interest and many acquaintances who would have visited more than she felt any inclination for had she not had the happy power of quietly pursuing her own path and yet conciliating all
The Rev William Howard had accepted Mr Hamiltons eagerlyproffered invitation to become his rector and undertake the education of his boys from very peculiar circumstances He had been minister of a favorite church in one of the southern towns and master of an establishment for youths of high rank in both which capacities he had given universal satisfaction The reprehensible conduct of some of his pupils carried on at first so secretly as to elude his knowledge at length became so notorious as to demand examination He had at first refused all credence but when proved by the confused replies of all and half confession of some he briefly and emphatically laid before them the enormity of their conduct and declared that as confidence was entirely broken between them he would resign the honor of their education refusing to admit them any longer as members of his establishment In vain the young men implored him to spare them the disgrace of such an expulsion he was inexorable
This conduct in itself so upright was painted by the smarting offenders in such colors that Mr Howard gradually but surely found his school abandoned and himself so misrepresented that a spirit less selfpossessed and secure in its own integrity must have sunk beneath it But he had some true friends and none more active and earnest than Mr Hamilton A very brief residence at Oakwood Rectory removed even the recollection of the injustice he had experienced and he himself as pastor and friend proved a treasure to high and low Ten other youths sons of the neighboring gentry became his pupils their fathers gladly following in Mr Hamiltons lead
About a mile and a half across the park was Moorlands the residence of Lady Helen Grahame whose name had been so often mentioned by the young Hamiltons Her husband Montrose Grahame had been Arthur Hamiltons earliest friend at home at college and in manhood Lady Helen the youngest daughter of a marquis had been intimate with Emmeline and Eleanor Manvers from childhood and had always admired and wished to resemble the former but always failed she believed from being constituted so differently others might have thought from her utter want of energy and mental strength The marriage at first appeared likely to be a happy one but it was too soon proved the contrary Grahame was a man of strict perhaps severe principles his wife though she never did any thing morally wrong scarcely knew the meaning of the word Provoked with himself for his want of discrimination in imagining Lady Helen so different to the being she really was more than once discovering she did not speak the exact truth or act with the steady uprightness he demanded his manner became almost austere and in consequence becoming more and more afraid of him Lady Helen sunk lower and lower in his esteem
Two girls and a boy were the fruits of this union Lady Helen had made a great many excellent resolutions with regard to their rearing and education which she eagerly confided to Mrs Hamilton but when the time of trial came weakness and false indulgence so predominated that Grahame to counteract these evil influences adopted a contrary extreme and by a system of constant reserve and severity became an object of as much terror to his children as he was to his wife But he did not pursue this conduct without pain and never did he visit Oakwood without bitter regret that his home was not the same
Mr and Mrs Hamilton had often tried to alter the aspect of affairs at Moorlands the former by entreating Grahame to be less severe the latter by urging Lady Helen to a firmer mode of conduct But those friendly efforts were as yet entirely useless Grahame became a member of Parliament which took his family to London for five or six months in the year—a particularly agreeable change to Lady Helen who then associated with her sisters whose families were conducted much on the same fashion as her own but unfortunately only increasing the discomfort of Moorlands when they returned to it And this was the more to be regretted from the fact that both Grahame and his wife were full of good intentions and had the one been more yielding and the other more firm there might have been no small share of happiness for both
But heavy as Lady Helen thought her trial in the want of her husbands confidence and love and which she had greatly brought upon herself it was light in comparison with that of Mrs Greville another near neighbor and valued friend of Mrs Hamilton She had loved and married a man whose winning manners and appearance and an evervarying flow of intelligent conversation had completely concealed till too late his real character Left at a very early age his own master with a capital estate and large fortune educated at a very large public school at which he learned literally nothing but vice and how effectually to conceal it courted and flattered wherever he went he became vain overbearing and extravagant with no pursuit but that of gambling in all its varieties even hunting and shooting could not be thoroughly enjoyed without some large bets depending on the days sport his thoughts from boyhood were so completely centered in self that he had affection for nothing else He had indeed fancied he loved Jessie Summers when he had so successfully wooed her but the illusion was speedily dispelled and repeatedly he cursed his folly for plaguing himself with a wife His first child too was a girl and that annoyed him still more and when the next year a boy was granted he certainly rejoiced but it was such rejoicing as to fill his wifes heart with an agony of dread for he swore he would make his boy as jovial a spirit as himself and that her nambypamby ideas should have nothing to do with him
It was indeed a difficult and painful task Mrs Greville had to perform Though her husband would spend weeks and even months at a time away the impressions she so earnestly and prayerfully sought to instill into her sons heart were or appeared to be completely destroyed by her husbands interference the whole time of his sojourn at his home It was his pleasure to thwart her every plan laugh at her fine notions make a mockery of all that was good and holy and self denying and all in the presence of his children succeeding in making Alfred frequently guilty of disrespect and unkindness but failing entirely with Mary who though of such a fragile frame and gentle spirit that her fathers visits almost always caused her a fit of illness so idolized her suffering but never murmuring mother that she only redoubled her attention and respect whenever she saw her more tried than usual This conduct of course only made her an object equally with her mother of her fathers sneers and taunts but she bore it with the true spirit of a martyr Suffering was doing for her what Herbert Hamilton was naturally—making her spiritual and thoughtful far beyond her years and drawing her and Herbert together with such a bond of mutual reverence and sympathy that to talk to him was her greatest consolation and to endeavor to lessen her sorrows one of his dearest pleasures
Alfred was not naturally an evildisposed boy and when his father was from home seldom failed either in respect or obedience Mrs Greville possessed the rather rare combination of extreme submissiveness with a natural dignity and firmness which enabled her to retain the reverence and sympathy of her friends and her household without once stooping to receive their pity It was generally supposed by those who did not know her personally that she was one of those too soft and selfdenying characters who bring on themselves the evils they deplore but this in Mrs Grevilles case was a very great mistake It was impossible to associate even casually with her without feeling intuitively that she suffered deeply but the emotion such conviction called was respect alone
As anxious and as earnest a parent as Mrs Hamilton herself Mrs Greville failed not to inculcate the good in both her children and still more forcibly when they became old enough to observe by example than by precept But with Alfred there must have been an utter hopelessness as to the fruit of her anxious labors had she not possessed that clinging singlehearted trust which taught her that no difficulty should deter from a simple duty and that nothing was too hard for Him who—if He saw that she shrunk not from the charge and responsibility which in permitting her to become a mother he had given and did all she could to counteract those evil influences for the removal of which she had no power—would in His own good time reward if not on earth—with Him in Heaven and so untiringly as unmurmuringly she struggled on
CHAPTER III
HOME SCENE—VISITORS—CHILDISH MEDITATIONS
The part of the day which to Emmeline Hamilton was the happiest of all was that in which she and Caroline and now of course Ellen were with their mother alone Not that she particularly liked the very quiet employment of plain work which was then their usual occupation but that she could talk without the least restraint either about her lessons or her pleasures or her thoughts and the stories or histories she had been reading and if she thought wrong no one ever corrected her so delightfully so impressively as mamma The mornings from three to four hours according as their age and studies required were always under the control of Miss Harcourt with such visits from Mrs Hamilton as gave an increased interest to exertion and such interruption only as permitted their practice and lessons in music which three times a week Mrs Hamilton had as yet herself bestowed The dressingbell always rung at halfpast three and dinner was at four to allow the lads return from Mr Howards whose daily lessons commenced at nine and concluded at three From halfpast one to halfpast three in the very short days was devoted to recreation walking or driving and in the longer to Emmelines favorite time—an hour at work with her mother and the remainder to the preparation of lessons and exercises for the next day which in the winter occupied from five to six From six to seven in the same generally gloomy season they read aloud some entertaining book with their mother and Miss Harcourt and seven was the delightful hour of a general reunion at tea and signal for such recreation till nine as they felt inclined for their brothers having been employed for Mr Howard part of the time between dinner and tea with sufficient earnestness to enjoy the rest and recreation afterward quite as buoyantly and gladly as their sisters and many a merry dance enlivened their winter evenings
In the summer of course this daily routine was frequently varied by most delightful excursions in the country Mrs Hamilton earnestly longing to implant a love of Nature and all its fresh pure associations in the minds of her children while yet young knowing that once obtained the pleasures of the world would be far less likely to obtain too powerful dominion That which the world often terms romance she felt to be a high pure sense of poetry in the Universe and in Man which she was quite as anxious to instill as many mothers to root out She did not believe that to cultivate the spiritual needed the banishment of the matter of fact but she believed that to infuse the latter with the former would be their best and surest preventive against all that was low and mean their best help in the realization of a constant unfailing piety For the same reason she cultivated a taste for the beautiful not only in her girls but in her boys—and beauty not in arts and nature alone but in character She did not allude to beauty of merely the high and striking kind but to the lowly virtues struggles faith and heroism in the poor—their forbearance and kindness to one another—marking something to admire even in the most rugged and surly that at first sight would seem so little worthy of notice It was gradually and almost unconsciously to accustom her daughters to such a train of thought and sentiment that she so particularly laid aside one part of the day to have them with her alone ostensibly it was to give part of their day to working for the many poor to whom gifts of readymade clothing are sometimes much more valuable than money but the education of that one hour she knew might for the right cultivation of the heart do more than the mere teaching of five or six and that education much as she loved and valued Miss Harcourt she had from the first resolved should come from her alone
To Emmeline this mode of life was so happy she could not imagine any thing happier But Caroline often and often envied her great friend Annie Grahame and believed that occasional visits to London would make her much happier than remaining all the year round at Oakwood and only with her own family She knew the expression of such sentiments would meet no sympathy at home and certainly not obtain their gratification so she tried to check them except when in company with Annie and Lady Helen but her mother knew them and from the discontent and unhappiness they so often engendered in her child caused her both pain and uneasiness But she did not waver in her plans because only in Emmeline they seemed to succeed nor did she as perhaps some overscrupulous mothers would have done check Carolines association with Miss Grahame She knew that those principles must be indeed of little worth which could only actuate in retirement and when free from temptation That to prevent intimacy with all except with those of whom she exactly approved would be impossible if she ever meant her daughters to enter the world and therefore she endeavored so to obtain their unrestrained confidence and affection as to be regarded both now and when they were young women as their first best and truest friend and that end obtained intimacies with their young companions however varied their character she felt would do no permanent harm
Dear dear mamma exclaimed Emmeline one morning about a week after her parents return and dropping her work to speak more eagerly you can not think how delightful it does seem to have you at home again I missed this hour of the day so very much I did not know how much I loved it when I always had it but when you were away every time the hour came I missed you and longed for you so much that—I am afraid you will think me very silly—I could not help crying
Why how Percy must have laughed at you Emmy
Indeed he did not mamma I think he felt half inclined to cry too the first day or two that he came home from Mr Howards and could not rush up into your dressingroom as he always does He said it was a very different thing for you to go from home than for him to go to London and he did not like it at all nor Herbert nor Caroline neither though they did not say so much about it
I did not miss mamma after the first quite so much as you did Emmeline replied her sister ingenuously because when Lady Helen returned from London she made me go there so often and as I know you never refuse me that indulgence mamma and Miss Harcourt did not object I was glad to do so
I have only one objection my dear Caroline and I think you know what that is
That whenever I am with Annie I think and wish more about going to London mamma I am afraid I do but indeed I try to think that you must know what is better for me and try not to be discontented though sometimes I know I do not succeed and her eyes filled with tears
I am satisfied that you endeavor to trust my experience my love I am quite aware of all the difficulties you have to encounter in doing so and therefore your most trifling conquest of self is a great source of comfort to me I myself should feel that the pain of increased discontent and so of course increased difficulty in conquering its constant accompaniment ill temper would more than balance the pleasure of Annies society and so not indulge in the one so often at the expense of the other but of that you are yourself the best judge and you know in such a case I always permit you to be a free agent But what has become of Mary Emmeline I begged Mrs Greville to let you be as much together as possible during my absence did not her society afford you some pleasure
Oh yes mamma a great deal but unfortunately Mr Greville was at home almost all the time you were away and poor Mary could not often leave her mother and I dont feel as if it were quite right for me to go so often there when he is at home I am sure Mrs Greville and Mary must both feel still more uncomfortable when any one is there to see how unkind he is and hear the cruel things he says Oh how I do wish I could make poor Mary more happy
She would tell you that affection is a great comfort to her Emmy
Yours and Herberts may be mamma because you are both so much better and wiser than I am but I can do so little so very little
You can be and are a great source of interest to her my dear and when we wish very much to make another person happy you may be quite sure that the most trifling act gives pleasure but Ellen looks very much as if she would like to know who this Mary is that is so tried—suppose you tell her
Emmeline eagerly obeyed painting her friend in such glowing colors that Ellen felt however tried she might be a person so good and holy must be happy notwithstanding besides to be loved so by Mrs Hamilton and Herbert discovered to her mind such superior qualities that she almost wondered how Emmeline could speak of her so familiarly and think of her as her own particular friend But the conversation on her and then on other topics so interested her that she was almost as sorry as her cousin when it was interrupted by a visit from Lady Helen Grahame and her daughter
Returned at length dearest Emmeline was the formers lively greeting and evincing far more warmth of manner than was usual to her Do you know the banks of the Dart have seemed so desolate without their guardian spirit that the very flowers have hung their heads and the trees are withered
I rather think the change of season and not my absence has been the cause of these melancholy facts replied Mrs Hamilton in the same tone but even London will not change your kind thoughts for me Helen
Nay I must follow the example of my neighbors rich and poor whom you may appeal to as to the fact of your absence causing terrible lamentation ask this naughty little girl too who scarcely ever came to see me because she had so many things to do to please mamma but forgive me she added more seriously as she glanced on the deep mourning of her friend and indeed of all the group what a cold heartless being you must believe me to run on in this way when there has been so sad a cause for your absence—poor Eleanor
I trust we may say happy Eleanor my dear Helen mercy has indeed been shown to her and to me—but we will talk of this another time Annie she continued addressing Miss Grahame who was already deep in conversation with Caroline I have another little girl to introduce to you whom I hope you will be as friendly with as with Caroline and Emmeline
The young lady turned round at the words but her sole notice of Ellen who had come timidly forward was a haughty stare a fashionable courtesy and a few unintelligible words which caused Emmeline to feel so indignant that it was with difficulty she kept silence and made Ellen so uncomfortable that it was with even more than her usual shyness she received Lady Helens proffered hand
And why not introduce her to me too Emmeline I knew your mother when she was little older than you are my dear so I hope you will learn to know and to like me as fast as you can
Ellen might have found courage to reply for there was an interest attached to all who had known her mother but as she raised her eyes to speak she again encountered Annies rude and disagreeable stare and the words died on her lips The young party were however soon all in the garden for Mrs Hamilton never made any scruple in dismissing her children when she wished to speak on subjects she did not choose them to hear and she was anxious so to relate Eleanors illness and change of sentiment as to remove the impressions which her early career had left on Lady Helens memory
It must be nearly time for my brothers to be returning shall we go and look for them Ellen I dare say Edward will have a great deal to tell you was Emmelines affectionate address as Annie and Caroline turned in a different direction and generally judging others by herself she thought that being Edwards first day of regular attendance on Mr Howard Ellen would like to know all about it as soon as possible and they proceeded accordingly
Well how do you like your new cousins what are they like inquired Miss Grahame the moment she had Caroline entirely to herself
Edward I think I may like very much he is so affectionate and so goodnatured and as merry and full of fun as Percy And he is so handsome Annie I think even you would admire him
Then altogether he must be very unlike his sister I never saw a girl so plain and I am sure she looks as if no fun could exist near her
Mamma says we must remember how short a time has elapsed since poor aunts death and also that Ellen is not strong enough to be very lively
That does not at all account for her looking cross I am sure she has nothing to be illtempered about there are few girls in her situation who would have made one of your family as she will be Mamma said it would be a very anxious thing for Mrs Hamilton
Mamma did seem to think so replied Caroline thoughtfully but I fancy you are wrong Annie Ellen has not yet given any proof of illtemper
She has had no time my dear but no one can be deceived by such a face My cousin Lady Adelaide Maldon told me she could always judge people by their faces But do you like her as well as her brother Caroline
Ask me that question this day month my dear Annie I can not answer you now for I really do not know I certainly do not see any thing particularly striking in her yet—I do not understand her she is so dreadfully shy or timid and so very inanimate one can not tell whether she is pleased or sorry To tell you the real truth I am afraid I shall not like her
Why afraid
Because mamma would be so sorry were she to know it I know she wishes us to love one another
Nonsense Caroline Mrs Hamilton can not be so unreasonable as to expect you to love every body alike
Mamma is never unreasonable replied Caroline with spirit and I do wish Annie you would treat Ellen exactly as you do us
Indeed I shall not What is Colonel Fortescues daughter to me Now dont be angry Caroline you and I are too old friends to quarrel for nothing I shall certainly hate Ellen altogether if she is to be a subject of dispute Come look kind again and the caress with which she concluded restored Carolines serenity and other subjects were discussed between them
Annie Grahame was a few months younger than Caroline Hamilton who was nearly thirteen but from having been emancipated from the nursery and schoolroom at a very early age and made her mothers companion and confidant in all her home vexations—very pretty and engaging—she was very much noticed and her visits to her titled relations in London by causing her to imitate their fashionable manners terms of speech thoughts on dress and rank c made her a woman many years before her time and though to Lady Helens family and to Lady Helen herself this made her still more agreeable from becoming so very companionable to Mrs Hamilton and to all in fact who loved childhood for childhoods sake it was a source of real regret as banishing all the freshness and artlessness and warmth which ought to have been the characteristics of her age Her father was the only one of her own family who did not admire—and so tried to check—this assumption of fine ladyism on the part of his daughter but it was not likely he could succeed and he only estranged from him the affections of his child
Annie Grahame had a great many fashionable acquaintances in London but she still regarded Caroline Hamilton as her favorite friend Why she could not exactly tell except that it was so very very delightful to have some one in the country to whom she could dilate on all the pleasures of London display her new dresses new music drawings work c not however considering it at all necessary to mention that her work and drawings were only half her own and Caroline was much too truthful herself to imagine it and her mother too anxious to retain that guileless simplicity to enlighten her as she was well capable of doing Annies quick eye discovered that at such times Caroline certainly envied her and she imagined she must be a person of infinite consequence to excite such a feeling and this was such a pleasant sensation that she sought Caroline as much as possible during their stay at Moorlands Of Mrs Hamilton indeed she stood in such uncomfortable awe though that lady never addressed her except in kindness that as she grew older it actually became dislike but this only increased her intimacy with Caroline whom she had determined should be as unlike her mother as possible and as this friendship was the only one of his daughters sentiments which gave Mr Grahame unmixed satisfaction he encouraged it by bringing them together as often as he could
Emmeline and Ellen meanwhile had pursued their walk in silence both engrossed with their own thoughts for that children of eleven years indeed of any age do not think because when asked what they are thinking about their answer is invariably Nothing is one of those mistaken notions which modern education is we hope exploding Emmeline was so indignant with Annie that she felt more sure than ever that she did not and could never like her She is always talking of things mamma says are of such little consequence and is so proud and contemptuous and I am afraid she does not always tell the exact truth I wonder if it is wrong to feel so toward her one day when I am quite alone with mamma I will ask her was the tenor of her meditations
But Ellen though Annies greeting had caused her to shrink still more into herself and so produced pain was not thinking only of her The whole of that hours intimate association with Mrs Hamilton had puzzled her she had doted on her father—she was sure she loved her aunt almost as dearly but could she ever have given words to that affection as Emmeline had done and as Edward always did and so perhaps after all she did not feel as they did though the wish was so strong to caress her aunt and sit as close and lovingly by her as Herbert and Emmeline and even Edward did that its very indulgence seemed to give her pain Then Carolines confession too—could she ever have had courage to confess the indulgence of a feeling which she knew to be wrong—and all her aunt had said both to Caroline and Emmeline so fastened on her mind as to make her head ache and she quite started when a loud shout sounded near them
It is only Percy said Emmeline laughing I dare say he and Edward are running a race or having some sort of fun And so they were laughing shouting panting they came full speed darting in and out the trees in every variety of mathematical figures their ingenuity could frame but as soon as Percys restless eye discovered Emmeline he directed his course toward her exclaiming Holla Edward stop running for today come here and let us be sober Why Tiny what brings you and Ellen out now It is not your usual time
Ellen Ellen I have had such a happy day I like Mr Howard more than ever he had only seen him twice before I am sure I shall get on with him and he will teach me astronomy and navigation too so I shall not be ashamed to go to sea next year I shall learn so much first
Let me walk home with you dear Edward and do tell me every thing you have done and are going to do asked Ellen clinging to his arm and looking in his face with such an expression that there was little trace of illtemper Emmeline meanwhile had made her brother a party in her indignation against Annies pride which he termed insolence vowing he would make her feel it And as they came in sight of her and Caroline he called out to Ellen who all her timidity returning tried to draw Edward into another walk
Not there not there Miss Nelly you are not going to cut me in that fashion You have talked quite enough to Edward and must now come to me Edward theres mamma off with you to tell your tale of delight to her And Edward did not wait a second bidding leaving Ellen to Percy who threw his arm affectionately round her and began talking to her so amusingly that she could not help laughing and so devoted did he appear to her that he had only time to greet Miss Grahame with a very marked and polite bow and passed on He wished to provoke and he succeeded for Annie was always particularly pleased when the handsome spirited Percy Hamilton paid her any attention and that he should be so devoted to his little pale disagreeablelooking cousin as not even to give her a word annoyed her as much as he desired
Edwards hasty progress to his aunt was slightly checked at seeing a stranger with her but when he was introduced he made his bow with so much of his mothers grace that combined with the extraordinary likeness and her feelings already interested in Mrs Hamiltons account of her sisters sufferings and death Lady Helen could not for the moment speak except to exclaim Oh how that look recalls the past I could almost fancy poor Eleanor herself stood before me
Did you—did you know my mother madam said Edward with so much eagerness that his cheeks crimsoned and his voice trembled—Were you one of mammas—but he could not finish the sentence and leaning his head against his aunt he burst into tears
Poor child said Lady Helen pityingly as Mrs Hamilton pressed him closer to her and stooped down to kiss his forehead without speaking and that sudden and unexpected display of feeling contrasted with Ellens painful shyness stamped at once and indelibly Lady Helens opinion of the two orphans
CHAPTER IV
VARIETIES
A few days more brought Mrs Greville and Mary to welcome their friends and Ellen had again the pain of being introduced to strangers but this time it was only the pain of her own shyness for could she have overcome that feeling she might have felt even pleasure As it was the gentle voice and manner with which Mrs Greville addressed her and the timid yet expressive glance of Mary told of such sympathy and kindness that she felt attracted toward both and could quite enter into Emmelines enthusiastic admiration of her friend not however believing it possible that she herself could ever be worthy to win Marys regard Taught from such a very early age to believe herself so far inferior to Edward such characters as Herbert and Mary appeared to her so exalted that it was quite impossible they could ever think of her the constant little acts of unobtrusive kindness that her cousin showed her she attributed to his extreme goodness not from the most trifling merit in herself She did indeed love him very dearly the best next to her aunt but so much of reverence mingled with it that she was almost more reserved with him than with the others But Herbert was naturally reserved himself in words and so he did not think any thing about it except to wish and endeavor to make his little cousin happier than she seemed
When contrasting Mary Greville with Annie Grahame as she was rather fond of doing Emmeline became so afraid she was disliking the latter more than she ought to do that she never rested till she made an opportunity to confess all her feelings to her mother and beg her to tell her if they were very wrong and if she ought to like her
I am not so unconscionable as to expect you to like every one with whom you associate my dear little girl replied her mother fondly for there was something in Emmelines guileless confidence irresistibly claiming love All we have to do when we find nothing that exactly sympathizes with our own feelings or our own ideas of right and wrong is to try and find out some reason for their being so different some circumstance that may have exposed them to greater temptations and trials for you know I have often told you pleasure and amusements if too much indulged in are a much greater trial to some than sorrow and pain Now Annie has had a great many more temptations of this kind than you or Mary and we can not expect one so very young entirely to resist them
Do you mean mamma her going out so much in London
Yes love she is very much noticed and so perhaps thinks a little more of appearance and dress and pleasure than is quite necessary
But Lady Helen need not take her out so much if she did not like Do you think she is quite right to do so asked Emmeline very thoughtfully
We must never pronounce judgment on other peoples actions my little girl I think it better not to interrupt your present quiet and I hope happy life and therefore I do not take you or Caroline to London but Mr Grahame is obliged to be there for several months and Lady Helen very naturally would not like to be separated either from him or her children And then she has such a large family and Annie so many young relations that you see Lady Helen could not keep her children quite as free from temptation as I do mine and we should be more sorry for Annie than blame her individually however we may not like her faults Do you understand me my dear
Oh yes mamma and I am so glad I took courage to tell you all I felt I am afraid I have encouraged many unkind thoughts about her and I am quite sorry now for I see she can not help them as much as I thought she could I do not think I could ever make her my friend but I will try very much not to dislike and avoid her
And that is all that is required of you my love When I tell you that our Father in Heaven commands us to love one another and to avoid all unkindness in thought and deed I do not mean that He desires us to love all alike because He knew it would be neither for our happiness nor good that it should be so but only to prevent the too great influence of prejudice and dislike We might think such feelings can do no harm because only confined to our own minds but they would be sure gradually to lead us to taking pleasure in listening to their dispraise and joining in it and to seeing and talking only of their faults forgetting that if we had been circumstanced exactly as they are we might have been just the same and this is the feeling David condemns in one of the Psalms we read this morning Are you tired of listening to me dearest or shall we read it over again together
Emmelines only answer was to run eagerly for her little Bible and with glowing cheeks and sparkling eyes listen to her mother as she turned to the fifteenth Psalm and reading it through particularly pointed out the third verse and so explained it as easily and happily to satisfy her child as to the Divine authority for all that she had said and to stamp them still more forcibly on her memory
And now I do not mean to talk to you any more my darling she said kissing the little earnest face upturned to hers You have heard quite enough to think about and I am sure you will not forget it so go and play Ellen must be wondering what has become of you And again full of glee the happy child bounded away exclaiming as she did so Poor Annie I am glad I am not exposed to such temptations for I am sure I should not be able to resist them either
But though any one who had seen her the next half hour might have fancied that a serious thought or sober task could not approach her neither the conversation nor the Psalm was forgotten with Herberts explanatory assistance she not only found the Psalm but committed it to memory and the second Sunday after her conversation with her mother repeated it so correctly and prettily to her father as to give her the delight of his caressing approbation Learning correctly by rote was always her greatest trial for her vivid fancy and very versatile powers occasioned her actual lessons to be considered such drudgery as to require a great effort on her part to retain them The sense indeed if she understood it she learned quickly enough but she preferred her own language to any ones else and Mrs Hamilton had some difficulty in making her understand that in time of study she required correctness and not fancy and that the attention which was necessary to conquer the words as well as the sense of the lesson was much more important and valuable however disagreeable it might seem than the facility of changing the language to something prettier than the original
When therefore as in the present case she voluntarily undertook and conquered really a difficult task for a little lively girl her parents had no scruple in giving the only reward she cared for—their approbation It was in the bestowal of praise Mrs Hamilton was compelled to be almost painfully guarded She found that the least expression of unusual approbation caused Caroline to relax in her efforts thinking she had done quite enough and perniciously increasing her already too exalted ideas of herself While to Emmeline it was the most powerful incentive to a continuance in improvement and determined conquest of her faults There was constantly a dread on the mothers heart that Caroline would one day accuse her of partiality from the different measure of her approbation which she was compelled to bestow and yet painful as it was to persevere under such an impression the future welfare of both was too precious to be risked for the gratification of the present
She was watching with delight Emmelines unrestrained enjoyment of her fathers caresses and lively conversation in which Percy as usual joined—for Tiny as he chose to call her was his especial pet and plaything—when she was startled by a low and evidently suppressed sob near her Ellen was bending over a book of Biblestories which Herbert had lent her and her long ringlets completely concealed her face Miss Harcourt and Caroline both looked up surprised but a rapid sign from Mrs Hamilton prevented their making any remark Herbert fixed his eyes pityingly on his little cousin as if wishing but not liking to address her Edward was the only one of the party who moved He was busily engaged in examining a large Noahs ark and speculating as to its resemblance to a ship and its powers of floating but after a few minutes apparent thought he left it and sitting down on Ellens chair put his arm round her and begged her to find a picture of Noahs ark and see if it were at all like the toy Cheered by his affection she conquered with a strong effort the choking in her throat and turned to the page and tried to sympathize in his wonder if it really were like the vessel in which Noah was saved and where he could have put all the animals Mrs Hamilton joined them and without taking more notice of Ellens very pale cheeks and heavy eyes than gently to put back the thick tresses that seemed to annoy her by their weight gave them so much interesting information on the subject and so delighted Edward with allowing him to drag down several books from the library to find out all they said about it that two hours slipped away quite unconsciously and Ellens very painful feeling had been so soothed that she could smile and join Emmeline in making all the animals walk in grand procession to their temporary dwelling
But Mrs Hamilton did not forget the childs involuntary evidence of suffering and vainly tried to imagine what at that moment could have caused it Herbert seemed to think about it too for the next day she heard him ask Edward—
If he knew why his sister always looked so sad if he thought it was because she was not yet reconciled to Oakwood
It is not that was Edwards reply she has always looked and seemed sad as long as I can remember her One reason may be she was always ill in India and papa was often telling me how very much she suffered and how patiently she bore it and then too she knew I was poor mammas favorite his voice trembled and that used to make her very unhappy but I do not know why she is so very sad now unless she is ill again and that no one can tell for she never will complain
Was your sister such a constant sufferer then inquired his aunt Come here and tell me all you can about her Edward I wish I could know more about both your lives in India
Edward with eager willingness communicated all he knew though from his being so constantly with his mother and Ellen so much left with her father and herself that all was little enough adding however that after her very dangerous illness when she was eight years old he perfectly well remembered hearing some celebrated physician say to his father she would probably feel the effects of it all her life
It was a very long time before mamma permitted me to see her added Edward and when I did I remember being almost frightened she was so altered so pale and thin and weak and then she was very ill after poor papas death but since then she has never complained and never kept her bed but I know she is often in pain for when I have touched her forehead sometimes it has burnt my hand like fire
This childish explanation certainly told Mrs Hamilton more than she had known before but that Ellen had witnessed the fearful scene of her fathers death was still concealed Edward as he grew older though he did not know why seemed to shrink from the subject particularly that he had been at a ball the same awful night
A few days afterward as Mrs Hamilton was crossing the large hall on her way to the schoolroom—for so spite of Percys determination that it should receive the more learned and refined appellation of studio it was still called—she overheard Carolines voice exclaiming in angry impatience—
Indeed I shall not I have enough to do with my own lessons without attending to other peoples It is your idleness Ellen not the difficulty of your lesson for I am sure it is easy enough
For shame Caroline was Emmelines indignant reply She is not idle and I am sure her lesson is not so easy I wish I could explain it properly
You know Miss Harcourt herself said she was careless or idle today and she must know I am not going to lose my hour of recreation to help those who wont help themselves
How can you be so illnatured so unkind began Emmeline but Ellens beseeching voice interrupted her—
Do not quarrel with your sister on my account dearest Emmeline I dare say I am very stupid but my head does feel confused today pray do not mind me dear Emmy go with Caroline aunt Emmeline will not like your remaining in
Caroline had already quitted the room and in her haste ran against her mother who she instantly perceived had heard all she said With a deep blush she turned as to reenter the schoolroom but Mrs Hamilton stopped her—
No she said gravely if you are only to act kindly for fear of my reproof it will do no good either to yourself or Ellen I could scarcely have believed it possible you should so have spoken had I not heard it Go and amuse yourself as you intended I rather think had you given up a little of your time to help your cousin you would have experienced more real pleasure than you will now feel all day
Dear mamma will you help Ellen asked Emmeline very timidly for though at Ellens reiterated entreaty she had left her she felt it almost disrespect to run across the hall while her mother was speaking and the thought suddenly crossed her that as she was quite sure Ellen was not idle though Miss Harcourt thought she was her mother by assisting her might save her from increased displeasure
Yes dearest if necessary I have heard enough to satisfy me that you would if you could and so I will for your sake And Emmeline ran away quite happy to try all she could to soothe Caroline whose selfreproach had as usual terminated in a fit of illtemper and anger against Ellen instead of against herself
Mrs Hamilton entered the schoolroom and stood by Ellen so quietly that the child did not perceive her Her attention was completely absorbed in her book but after a few minutes she suddenly pushed it from her and exclaiming almost passionately
I can not learn it try all I can and Miss Harcourt will be so very very angry—and she gave way for the first time since her arrival at Oakwood to a violent burst of tears
What is this very very difficult lesson my little Ellen inquired her aunt kindly taking one hand from her face Tell me and we shall be able to learn it together perhaps
Oh no no it is because I am so very stupid Miss Harcourt has explained it to me twice and I know I know I ought to understand it—but—
Well then never mind it today We can all learn much better some days than others you know and I dare say tomorrow you will be able to conquer it
But Miss Harcourt is already displeased and she will be still more so if I leave it without her permission replied the sobbing girl longing but not daring to throw her arms round her aunts neck and lean her aching head against her bosom
Not if I beg a reprieve replied her aunt smiling but you must not let it make you so very unhappy Ellen I am afraid it is not only your lesson but that you are ill or unhappy about something else Tell me dearest what can I do to make you more happy more at home
Oh nothing nothing replied Ellen struggling with her tears Indeed I am happier than I ever thought I could be I must be very ungrateful to make you think I am unhappy when you are so good and so kind My head ached today and that always makes me feel a wish to cry but indeed I am not unhappy and never when you kiss me and call me your Ellen whatever I may feel when you are not by and as if frightened at her own confession she hid her face in her aunts dress
Mrs Hamilton lifted her into her lap and kissed her without speaking
You must learn to love me more and more then my Ellen she said after a pause and when you are feeling ill or in pain you must not be afraid to tell me or I shall think that you only fancy you love me
Oh no it is not fancy I never loved any one as I do you—except papa—my own darling good papa the word was almost choked with sobs He used to fondle me and praise me and call me his darling Ellen as uncle Hamilton did Emmeline last Sunday and when I was ill so ill they said I should die he never left me except when his military duties called him away and he used to nurse me and try to amuse me that I might forget pain and weakness Oh I shall never never forget that dreadful night and she closed her eyes and shuddered as the horrid scene of blood and death flashed before her
What dreadful night my poor child inquired Mrs Hamilton soothingly after doubting whether or not it would be better for Ellen to pursue such an evidently painful theme and no longer requiring an explanation of her emotion the previous Sabbath
The night poor papa was killed—oh there were so many horrid forms on the grass the natives and poor papas own men and they looked so ghastly in the moonlight and the grass was covered with blood and limbs and heads that had been shot off and there were such cries and groans of pain—I see it I hear it all again so often before I go to sleep and when my head feels as it does today and fancy I hear poor papas last words and feel his kiss as he lay bleeding bleeding slowly to death and his voice was so strange and his lips so cold
But how came you in such a dreadful scene my poor Ellen who could have permitted such a little child to be there
Because I wished it so very much I knew he would die before they could bring him to me and I did so want to feel his kiss and hear his voice once more Oh aunt Emmeline shall I never see him again I know he can not come to me but shall I oh shall I ever be good enough to go to him And she looked up in her aunts face with such a countenance of beseeching entreaty that Mrs Hamiltons eyes filled with tears and it was a full minute before she could speak but when she did Ellen felt more relieved and comforted than on the subject of her fathers death she had ever felt before From her mother not being able to bear the subject even partially alluded to and from having no one to whom she could speak of it it had taken a still stronger hold of her imagination and whenever she was unusually weak and her head aching and confused it became still more vivid The very visible sympathy and interest of her aunt and the gentle words in which she tried to turn the childs thoughts from that scene of horror to the happiness of her father in Heaven and an assurance that if she tried to do her duty and to love and serve God and trust in His mercy to render her efforts acceptable she would rejoin him seemed to remove the mass of tangled thought within her young mind Her head indeed still ached very painfully and her eyes seemed as if they would close notwithstanding all her efforts to keep them open but when she awoke from a long quiet sleep on the sofa in Mrs Hamiltons dressingroom where her aunt had laid her and found that kind friend still watching over her the little heart and temples had ceased to throb so quickly and she felt better and happier
Mr Maitland the medical friend of the family confirmed the opinion which Edward had said their physician in India had given of his sisters state of health He did not he said consider her liable to serious illness or of a constitution that would not endure but that he feared it would be some years before she knew the blessing of really good health and be constantly subject to that lassitude severe headache and the depression of the whole system thence proceeding which must prevent the liveliness and quickness of acquirement natural to most children He thought the evil had been very greatly increased by want of sufficient care in early years and the unwholesome climate in which she had so long lived that he wondered her mother had not been advised to send her over to England adding with a smile he was quite sure Mrs Hamilton would not have refused the charge anxious as it might have been And earnestly not only on account of the childs physical but mental health did Mrs Hamilton wish that such had been the case and that she had had the care of her niece from earliest infancy and how much more would she have wished this had she known that Mrs Fortescue had really been advised to do with Ellen as Mr Maitland had said but that believing it merely an idle fancy and persisting too in her own headstrong idea that it was illtemper not illness which rendered Ellen so disagreeable she would not stoop so to conquer her unfortunate pride as to ask such a favor of her relatives and to whom else could she appeal Colonel Fortescue had none but distant cousins She did satisfy a qualm of conscience by once suggesting to her husband—as her own idea however not as that of an experienced physician—that as he fancied Ellen was always ill she might be better in England but as she expected not only his intense love for his little girl rose up against the idea of separation but his pride revolted from sending her to claim the pity of relatives who had so completely cast off her parents yet had he been told it was absolutely necessary for her health and so greatly for her happiness he would not have hesitated to sacrifice every thought of self But Eleanor satisfied that she had done her duty and delighted that in one respect he was quite as proud as she was never again referred to the subject and the physician who had thus advised from his constant removals he never chanced to meet
Great indeed was the amount of childish suffering which this selfish decision on the part of her mother occasioned Ellen We do not mean the pain of constant languor itself though that in its full amount our happy healthful young readers can not have the least idea of they perhaps think it almost a pleasant change the care and petting and presents so often lavished on a brief decided illness but that is a very different thing to that kind of suffering which only so affects them as to be dull and heavy they do not know why and to make it such a very difficult task to learn the lessons others find so easy and such a pain sometimes to move that they are thought slow and unwilling and perhaps even idle when they would gladly run and help and work as others and so weak sometimes that tears start at the first harsh or unkind word and they are thought cross when they do not in the least feel so and this not for a few weeks but with few exceptions the trial of months and even years
And this was Ellens—which not even the tenderest and most unfailing care of her aunt could entirely guard her from It is a most difficult thing for those who are strong and healthy themselves to understand and always bear with physical suffering in others Miss Harcourt though in general free from any thing like prejudice and ardently desirous to follow up her own and Mrs Hamiltons ideas of right and wrong could not so govern her affections as to feel the same toward Ellen as she did toward Edward and the children she had lived with and taught so long Her task with Ellen required more patience and forbearance and care than with either of the others and sometimes she could not help believing and acting toward her as if it were willful idleness and carelessness not the languor of disease
With the recollection and evidence of Herbert who had been delicate from his birth and who was yet of such a remarkably gifted mind and so bright in aspect so sweet in temper that illness seemed to have spiritualized instead of deadened every faculty she could not understand as Mrs Hamilton did the force of circumstances in producing from nearly the same cause two much different effects nor how it was that complete neglect had engendered more evils than indiscreet indulgence but that it appeared to have done so was unhappily only too evident not only to Miss Harcourt but to Mrs Hamilton It seemed almost surprising and certainly a proof of a remarkably good disposition that Edward appeared so free from great faults and of such a warm generous frank and seemingly unselfish nature so open to conviction and to all good impressions that except occasional fits of violent passion there really was as far as his aunt and uncle could perceive nothing to complain of They did not know that he stood in such awe of Mr Hamilton from his mothers lessons of his exceeding sternness that he exercised the greatest control over himself and he was so excessively fond of Mr Howard and his days glided by in such varied and delightful employment that there was no temptation to do wrong except certain acts of trifling disobedience of more consequence from the selfwill they betrayed than the acts themselves but which might have been sources of anxiety to his aunt and lessened her confidence in him had she known them but she did not for Ellen not only constantly concealed but she was the sufferer for him and so brought reproof and suspicion on herself which could the truth have been known might have been averted But truth of act as well as word had never been impressed on Edward and therefore though he was constitutionally too brave to utter a falsehood too honorable to shield himself at the expense of another if he knew that other suffered he had been too long taught to believe that Ellen was his inferior and must always give up to him to imagine that he was even acting deceitfully or unmanfully in permitting her to conceal his acts of disobedience
There was so much to love and admire in Edward that neither Mr nor Mrs Hamilton imagined the real weakness of his character—that those lovable qualities all sprung from natural impulse unsustained by any thing like principle The quickness and apparent fervor with which he received the religious impressions they and Mr Howard sought so earnestly to instill in the short time that was allowed them before he entered the navy they augured so hopefully from that not only his preceptor and uncle but his ever anxious aunt looked forward to his career with scarcely a doubt as to its probity and honor
Ellen caused her infinitely more anxiety There was a disregard to truth a want of openness and candor which though Mrs Hamilton believed the effects of neglect and extreme timidity both her husband and Miss Harcourt feared were natural Much indeed sprung from the poor childs mistaken idea of the nature and solemnity of the promise she had made her mother and her constant watchfulness and determination to shield Edward For the disregard to truth her mother had indeed alone been answerable Ellens naturally very timid character required the inculcation of a high firm principle to enable her so to conquer herself as to speak the truth even if she suffered from it It was only indeed in extreme cases of fear—and never to her father that she had ever spoken falsely but to Mrs Hamiltons high principles which by extreme diligence and care she had so successfully imparted to her own children even concealment was often an acted untruth and of this fault and equivocation Ellen was but too often guilty exciting Miss Harcourts and Carolines prejudices yet more against her The latter with all her faults never swerved from the rigid truth and had a strong contempt and dislike toward all those who did—except her friend Annie who as she always took care to speak the truth to her she did not suspect of being less careful than herself Emmeline who had had some difficulty in restraining her love of exaggeration and also in so conquering her own timidity and fear as always to speak the truth only pitied Ellen but did not love her the less
Of course it was not till some months had passed that these lights and shadows of character in the orphans and in the opinions they culled forth in those around them could be discovered but notwithstanding she stood almost alone in her opinion notwithstanding there was very little outward evidence that she was correct Mrs Hamilton believed there was a great deal more in her niece than was discernible She seemed to possess a strength almost an intensity of feeling and warmth of affection which if properly guided would effectually aid in removing the childish errors engendered by neglect and it was this belief which not only enabled her to bear calmly the anxiety and care and often pain which those faults and their compelled correction occasioned but actually to love her niece if possible still more than Edward and very nearly with the same amount of quiet but intense affection which she felt for her own children
CHAPTER V
A YOUNG GENTLEMAN IN A PASSION—A WALK—A SCENE OF DISTRESS
One very fine morning in May Mrs Hamilton invited Edward to join her in a walk intending also to call at Moorlands and Greville Manor on their way The lads were released for a few days from their attendance on Mr Howard that gentleman having been summoned on some clerical business to Exeter Percy was to accompany his father on an equestrian excursion Herbert had been commissioned by Emmeline some days before to take some books to Mary Greville and had looked forward himself to spending a morning with her Edward delighted at being selected as his aunts companion prepared with haste and glee for his excursion Robert was however unfortunately not at hand to give him a clean pair of shoes he had already spoiled two pair that morning by going into the stream which ran through the park to sail a newlyrigged frigate and angry at the delay fearing that his aunt would not wait for him he worked himself into such a violent passion that when Robert did appear he gave vent to more abusive language than he had ever yet ventured to use concluding by hurling both his discarded shoes at the domestic who only escaped a severe blow by starting aside and permitting them to go through the window
Robert leave the room I desire that you will not again give your assistance to Master Fortescue till he knows how to ask it was Mrs Hamiltons most unexpected interference and Edward so started at her voice and look that his passion was suddenly calmed
Finish your toilet and when you have found your shoes and put them away you may join me in the breakfastroom Edward I only wait your pleasure
And never did Edward leave her presence more gladly Shame had suddenly conquered anger and though his chest still heaved and his cheeks were still flushed he did not utter another word till nearly a quarter of a mile on their walk Twice he had looked up in his aunts face as if about to speak but the expression was so very grave that he felt strangely afraid to proceed At length he exclaimed—
You are displeased with me dear aunt but indeed I could not help feeling angry
I am still more sorry than displeased Edward I had hoped you were learning more control and to know your duty to a domestic better Your uncle—
Oh pray do not tell him implored Edward and I will ask Roberts pardon the moment I go home
I certainly shall not complain of you to him Edward if my arguments can convince you of your error but if you are only to ask Roberts pardon for fear of your uncle I would rather you should not do so Tell me the truth if you were quite sure your uncle would know nothing about it would you still ask Roberts pardon
Edward unhesitatingly answered No
And why not
Because I think he ought to ask mine for keeping me waiting as he did and for being insolent first to me
He did not keep you waiting above five minutes and that was my fault not his as I was employing him and as for insolence can you tell me what he said Edward hesitated
I do not remember the exact words but I know he called me impatient and if I were he had no right to tell me so
Nor did he I heard all that passed and I could not help thinking how very far superior was Robert a poor country youth to the young gentleman who abused him
The color rose to Edwards temples but he set his teeth and clenched his hand to prevent any farther display of anger and his aunt after attentively observing him continued—
He said that his young master Percy never required impossibilities and though often impatient never abused him You heard the word and feeling you had been so believed he applied it to yourself
But in what can he be my superior asked Edward in a low voice as if still afraid his passion would regain ascendency
I will answer your question by another Edward Suppose any one had used abusive terms toward you and contemptuously desired you to get out of their sight how would you have answered
I would have struck him to the earth replied Edward passionately and quite forgetting his wished for control Neither equal nor superior should dare speak so to me again
And what prevented Robert acting in the same manner Do you think he has no feeling—that he is incapable of such emotions as pain or anger
Edward stood for a minute quite still and silent
I did not think any thing about it he said at length but I certainly supposed I had a right to say what I pleased to one so far beneath me
And in what is Robert so far beneath you
He is a servant and I am a gentleman in birth rank—
Stop Edward did you make yourself a gentleman Is it any credit to you individually to be higher in the world and receive a better education than Robert
Edward was again silent and his aunt continued to talk to him so kindly yet so earnestly that at length he exclaimed—
I feel I have indeed been wrong dear aunt but what can I do to prove to Robert I am really sorry for having treated him so ill
Are you really sorry Edward or do you only say this for fear of your uncles displeasure
Indeed I had quite forgotten him replied Edward earnestly I deserve his anger and would willingly expose myself to it if it would redeem my fault
I would rather see you endeavor earnestly to restrain your passions my dear boy than inflict any such pain upon you It will be a great pleasure to me if you can really so conquer yourself as to apologize to Robert and I think the pain of so doing will enable you more easily to remember all we have been saying than if you weakly shrink from it The life you have chosen makes me even more anxious that you should become less passionate—than were you to remain longer with me I fear you will so often suffer seriously from it
I very often make resolutions never to be in a passion again returned Edward sorrowfully but whenever any thing provokes me something seems to come in my throat and I am compelled to give way
You will not be able to conquer your fault my dear Edward without great perseverance but remember the more difficult the task the greater the reward and that you can control anger I have even during our walk had a proof
Edward looked up surprised
Did you not feel very angry when I said Robert was your superior
Yes replied Edward blushing deeply
And yet you successfully checked your rising passion for fear of offending me I can not be always near you but my dear boy you must endeavor to remember that lesson I have tried to teach you so often—that you are never alone You can not even think an angry thought much less speak an abusive word and commit the most trifling act of passion without offending God If you would but ask for His help and recollect that to offend Him is far more terrible than to incur the displeasure of either your uncle or myself I think you would find your task much easier than if you attempted it trusting in your own strength alone and only for fear of man
Edward did not make any reply but his countenance expressed such earnest thought and softened feeling that Mrs Hamilton determined on not interrupting it by calling at Moorlands as she had intended and so turned in the direction of Greville Manor They walked on for some little time in silence gradually ascending one of those steep and narrow but green and flowery lanes peculiar to Devonshire and on reaching the summit of the hill and pausing a moment by the little gate that opened on a rich meadow through which their path lay an exclamation of How beautiful burst from Edward
Fields of alternate red and green sloped down to the rivers edge the green bearing the glistening color peculiar to May the red from the full rich soil betraying that the plow had but lately been there and both contrasting beautifully with the limpid waters whose deep azure seemed to mock the very heavens The Dart from that point seemed no longer a meandering river it was so encompassed by thick woods and fertile hills that it resembled a lake to which there was neither outlet nor inlet save from the land The trees all presented that exquisite variety of green peculiar to May and so lofty was the slope on which they grew that some seemed to touch the very sky while others bent gracefully over the water which their thick branches nearly touched The hills themselves presented a complete mosaic of red and green the fields divided by high hedges from which the oak and elm and beech and ash would start up of growth so superb as to have the semblance of a cultivated park not of natural woodland
Greville Manor an Elizabethan building stood on their right surrounded by its ancient woods which though lovely still Mr Grevilles excesses had already shorn off some of their finest timber Some parts of the river were in complete shade from the overhanging branches while beyond them would stretch the bright blue of heaven in other parts a stray sunbeam would dart through an opening in the thick branches and shine like a bright spot in the surrounding darkness and farther on the cloudless sun so flung down his full refulgence that the moving waters flashed and sparkled like burning gems
Is it not beautiful dear aunt Sometimes I feel as if I were not half so passionate in the open air as in the house can you tell me why
Not exactly Edward she replied smiling but I am very pleased to hear you say so and to find that you can admire such a lovely scene as this To my feelings the presence of a loving God is so impressed upon his works—we can so distinctly trace goodness and love and power in the gift of such a bountiful world that I feel still more how wrong it is to indulge in vexation or care or anxiety when in the midst of a beautiful country than when at home and perhaps it is something of the same feeling working in you though you do not know how to define it
But you can never do or feel any thing wrong dear aunt said Edward looking with surprised inquiry in her face
Indeed my dear boy I know that I very often have wrong thoughts and feelings and that only my Father in Heavens infinite mercy enables me to overcome them It would be very sad if I were as faulty and as easily led into error as you and your cousins may be when I have had so many more years to think and try to improve in but just in the same way as you have duties to perform and feelings to overcome so have I and if I fail in the endeavor to lead you all in the better and happier path—or feel too much anxiety or shrink from giving myself pain when compelled to correct a fault in either of you I am just as likely to incur the displeasure of our Father in Heaven as you are when you are passionate or angry and perhaps still more so for the more capable we are of knowing and doing our duty the more wrong we are when we fail in it even in thought
There was so much in this reply to surprise Edward it seemed so to fill his mind with new ideas that he continued his walk in absolute silence That his aunt could ever fail as she seemed to say she had and did and even still at times found it difficult to do right was very strange but yet somehow it seemed to comfort him and to inspire him with a sort of courage to emulate her and conquer his difficulties He had fancied that she could not possibly understand how difficult it was for him always to be good but when he found that she could do so even from her own experience her words appeared endowed with double force and he loved her and looked up to her more than ever
Ten minutes more brought them to the Gothic lodge of the Manor and instead of seeking the front entrance Mrs Hamilton led the way to the flowergarden on which Mrs Grevilles usual morningroom opened by a glass door
Herbert was to tell Mary of our intended visit I wonder she is not watching for me as usual observed Mrs Hamilton somewhat anxiously and her anxiety increased as on nearing the half open door she saw poor Mary her head leaning against Herbert deluged in tears Mrs Greville was not there though the books work and maps upon the table told of their mornings employment having been the same as usual Herbert was earnestly endeavoring to speak comfort but evidently without success and Mary was in general so controlled that her present grief betrayed some very much heavier trial than usual
Is your mother ill my dear Mary What can have happened to agitate you so painfully she inquired as at the first sound of her voice the poor girl sprung toward her and tried to say how very glad she was that she had come just then but the words were inarticulate from sobs and Mrs Hamilton desiring Edward to amuse himself in the garden made her sit down by her and told her not to attempt to check her tears but to let them have free vent a few minutes and then to try and tell her what had occurred It was a very sad tale for a child to tell and as Mrs Hamiltons previous knowledge enabled her to gather more from it than Marys broken narrative permitted we will give it in our own words
Mr Greville had been at home for a month a quarter of which time the good humor which some unusually successful bets had excited lasted but no longer His amusement then consisted as usual in trying every method to annoy and irritate his wife and in endeavoring to make his son exactly like himself Young as the boy was—scarcely twelve—he took him to scenes of riot and feasting which the society of some boon companions unhappily near neighbors permitted and though Alfreds cheek became pale his eye haggard and his temper uneven his initiation was fraught with such a new species of excitement and pleasure that it rejoiced and encouraged his father in the same measure as it agonized his mother and for her sake poor Mary
That morning Alfred had declared his intention of visiting a large fair which with some races of but ill repute from the bad company they collected was to be held at a neighboring town and told his father to prepare for a large demand on his cash as he meant to try his hand at all the varieties of gaming which the scene presented Mr Greville laughed heartily at what he called the boys right spirit and promised him all he required but there was a quivering on her mothers lip a deadly paleness on her cheek that spoke volumes of suffering to the heart of the observant Mary who sat trembling beside her Still Mrs Greville did not speak till her husband left the room but then as Alfred was about to follow him she caught hold of his hand and implored him with such a tone and look of agony only to listen to her for her sake to give up his intended pleasure that almost frightened by an emotion which in his gentle mother he had scarcely ever seen and suddenly remembering that he had lately been indeed most unkind and neglectful to her he threw his arms round her neck and promised with tears that if it gave her so much pain he would not go and so sincere was his feeling at the moment that had there been no tempter near he would in all probability have kept his word But the moment Mr Greville heard from his son his change of intention and its cause he so laughed at his ridiculous folly so sneered at his want of spirit in preferring his mothers whims to his fathers pleasures that as could not fail to be the case every better feeling fled This ought to have been enough but it was too good an opportunity to vent his illtemper on his wife to be neglected He sought her where she was superintending Marys lessons and for nearly an hour poured upon her the most fearful abuse and cutting taunts ending by declaring that all the good she had done by her saintly eloquence was to banish her son from her presence whenever he left home as in future Alfred should be his companion and that he should begin that very day Mrs Greville neither moved nor spoke in reply and the expression of her countenance was so sternly calm that poor Mary felt as if she dared not give way to the emotion with which her heart was bursting
Mr Greville left the room and they heard him peremptorily desire the housekeeper to put up some of Master Alfreds clothes In a perfectly composed voice Mrs Greville desired Mary to proceed with the exercise she was writing and emulating her firmness she tried to obey Fortunately her task was writing for to have spoken or read aloud would she felt have been impossible So full half an hour passed and then hasty footsteps were heard in the hall and the joyous voice of Alfred exclaiming—
Let me wish mamma and Mary goodby papa
I have not another moment to spare was the reply You have kept me long enough and must be quicker next time come along my boy
The rapid tread of horses hoofs speedily followed the sullen clang with which the halldoor closed and as rapidly faded away in the distance With an irresistible impulse Mary raised her eyes to her mothers face a bright red flush had risen to her temples but her lips were perfectly colorless and her hand tightly pressed her heart but this only lasted a minute for the next she had fallen quite senseless on the floor Her poor child hung over her almost paralyzed with terror and so long did the faint last that she was conveyed to her own room partially undressed and laid on her bed before she at all recovered A brief while she had clasped Mary to her bosom as if in her was indeed her only earthly comfort and then in a faint voice desired to be left quite alone Mary had flung herself on the neck of the sympathizing Herbert Hamilton who had arrived just in the confusion attendant on Mrs Grevilles unusual illness and wept there in all the uncontrolled violence of early sorrow
Mrs Hamilton remained some time with her afflicted friend for so truly could she sympathize with her that her society brought with it the only solace Mrs Greville was capable of realizing from human companionship
It is not for myself I murmur were the only words that in that painful interview might have even seemed like complaint but for my poor child How is her fragile frame and gentle spirit to endure through trials such as these oh Emmeline to lose both and through their father
And difficult indeed did it seem to realize the cause of such a terrible dispensation but happily for Mrs Greville she could still look up in love and trust even when below all of comfort as of joy seemed departed and in a few days she was enabled to resume her usual avocations and by an assumption of cheerfulness and constant employment to restore some degree of peace and happiness to her child
Neither Herbert nor Edward seemed inclined to converse on their walk home and Mrs Hamilton was so engrossed in thought for Mrs Greville that she did not feel disposed to speak either Herbert was contrasting his father with Marys and with such a vivid sense of his own happier lot that he felt almost oppressed with the thought he was not he never could be grateful enough for what had he done to be so much more blessed And when Mr Hamilton who wondering at their long absence had come out to meet them put his arm affectionately round him and asked him what could possibly make him look so pale and pensive the boys excited feelings completely overpowered him He buried his face on his fathers shoulder and burst into tears and then leaving his mother to explain it for he felt quite sure she could without his telling her darted away and never stopped till he found himself in the sanctuary of his own room and there he remained trying to calm himself by earnest thought and almost unconscious prayer till the dinnerbell summoned him to rejoin his family which he did quiet and gentle but cheerful as usual
Edward did not forget the thoughts of the morning but the struggles so to subdue his pride as to apologize to Robert seemed very much more difficult when he was no longer hearing his aunts earnest words but he did conquer himself and the fond approving look with which he was rewarded gave him such a glowing feeling of pleasure as almost to lessen the pain of his humiliation
CHAPTER VI
CECIL GRAHAMES PHILOSOPHY—AN ERROR AND ITS CONSEQUENCES—A MYSTERY AND A CONFIDENCE
A few days after the events of the last chapter Mrs Hamilton accompanied by Percy called at Moorlands Cecil Grahame was playing in the garden and Percy remained with him his goodnature often making him a companion though there was nearly six years difference in their age
Are you going to T— on Thursday Percy There will be such fine doings Races and the county fair and wild beasts and shows and every thing delightful of course you will go
I do not think it at all likely replied young Hamilton
No repeated Cecil much astonished Why I was only saying the other day how much I should like to be as old as you are it must be so delightful to be ones own master
I do not consider myself my own master yet Cecil Sometimes I wish I were at others I think I am much better as I am And as for this fair Mr Howard will be back tomorrow so there is no chance of my going
Why is there no such thing as the possibility of a holiday Percy replied Cecil with great glee or perhaps he added laughing your papa is like mine and does not allow such freaks thinks it wrong to go to such places acting against morality and such out of the way ideas
Are these Mr Grahames opinions inquired Percy almost sternly
Why ye—yes—why do you look at me so Percy I am sure I said no harm I only repeated what I have heard mamma say continually
That is not the very least excuse for your disrespect to your father and if he think thus I wonder you should talk of going to the races you can not have his permission
Oh but mamma has promised if I am a good boy till then and she can manage it I shall go for she can not see any harm in it And as for waiting for papas permission—if I did I should never go any where He is so unkind that I am always afraid of speaking or even playing when he is in the room
You are a silly boy Cecil replied young Hamilton Believe me you do not know your best friend I should be very sorry to feel thus toward my father
Oh but yours and mine are very different sort of people Your papa never punishes you or refuses you his permission when you wish particularly to do any thing or go any where
If papa thinks my wishes foolish or liable to lead me into error he does refuse me without scruple Cecil And though I am old enough now I hope so to conduct myself as to avoid actual punishment when I was as young as you are papa very frequently punished me both for my violence and pride
But then he was kind to you afterward Now I should not so much mind papas severity when I am naughty if he would only be kind or take some notice of me when I am good But has Mr Hamilton told you not to go to the races
Not exactly he has merely said he thinks it a day most unprofitably wasted and that the gambling and excesses always the attendant of races are not fit scenes for young persons Were I to take my horse and go he would not perhaps be actually displeased as I am old enough now he says in some things to judge for myself but I should be acting against his principles which just now I am not inclined to do for I am sure to suffer from it afterward
Well all I can say is that when I am as old as you are Percy I shall certainly consider myself under no one I hope I shall be at Eton by that time and then we shall see if Cecil Grahame has not some spirit in him I would not be tied down to Oakwood and to Mr Howards humdrum lessons as you are Percy for worlds
Take care that Cecil Grahames spirit does not effervesce so much as to make him when at Eton wish himself back at Moorlands replied Percy laughing heartily at his young companions grotesque attempts at selfconsequence by placing his cap dandily on his head flourishing his cane and trying to make himself look taller Cecil took his laugh however in good part and they continued in amicable conversation till Mrs Hamilton summoned Percy to attend her home
Our readers have perhaps discovered that Percy this day was not quite as lively as usual If they have not his mother did for strange to say he walked by her side silent and dispirited His thoughtlessness very often led him into error and its disagreeable consequences and fearing this had again been the case she playfully inquired the cause of his most unusual abstraction He colored but evaded the question and successfully roused himself to talk His mother was not anxious for she had such perfect confidence in him that she know if he had committed error he would redeem it and that his own good feelings and high principles would prevent its recurrence
It so happened however that young Hamilton by a series of rather imprudent actions had plunged himself into such a very unusual and disagreeable position as not very well to know how to extricate himself from it without a full confession to his father which daringly brave as in general he was he felt almost as if he really had not the courage to make One of Mr Hamiltons most imperative commands was that his sons should never incur a debt and to prevent the temptation their monthly allowance was an ample one and fully permitted any recreative indulgences they might desire
Now Percy was rather inclined to extravagance from thoughtlessness and a profuse generosity which had often caused him such annoyance as to make him resolve again and again to follow his fathers advice and keep some accounts of his expenditure as a slight check on himself The admiration for beauty in the fine arts which his mother had so sedulously cultivated had had only one bad effect and that was that his passion for prints and paintings and illustrated and richlybound volumes sometimes carried him beyond bounds and very often occasioned regret that he had not examined the letterpress of such works as well as their engravings and bindings He had given orders to Mr Harris a large fancy stationer librarian and publisher of T— to procure for him a set of engravings whose very interesting subjects and beautiful workmanship Mr Grahame had so vividly described to him that young Hamilton felt to do without them till his father or he himself should visit the metropolis and so judge of their worth themselves was quite impossible The order was given without the least regard to price They arrived at the end of the month and the young gentleman to his extreme astonishment discovered that his months allowance had been so expended as not to leave him a halfquarter of the necessary sum What to do he did not very well know Mr Harris had had great difficulty in procuring the prints and of course he was bound in honor to take them If he waited till he could pay for them he must sacrifice the whole of one months allowance and then how could he keep free from debt till the next As for applying to his father he shrank from it with actual pain How could he ask his ever kind and indulgent parent to discharge a debt incurred by such a thoughtless act of unnecessary extravagance Mr Harris made very light of it declaring that if Mr Percy did not pay him for a twelvemonth it was of no consequence he would trust him for any sum or any time he liked But to make no attempt to liquidate his debt was as impossible as to speak to his father No after a violent struggle with his pride which did not at all like the idea of betraying his inability to pay the whole or of asking a favor of Mr Harris he agreed to pay his debt by installments and so in two or three months at the very latest discharge the whole
One week afterward he received his months allowance and riding over directly to the town relieved his conscience of half its load To have only half his usual sum however for monthly expenditure caused him so many checks and annoyances as to make him hate the very sight of the prints whose possession he had so coveted but he looked forward to the next month to be free at least of Mr Harris The idea of disobedience to his father in incurring a debt at all causing him more annoyance than all the rest
Again the first day of the month came round and putting the full sum required in his purse he set off but on his way encountered such a scene of distress that every thought fled from his mind except how to relieve it He accompanied the miserable halffamished man to a hut in which lay a seemingly dying woman with a newborn babe and two or three small halfstarved halfnaked children—listened to their story which was really one of truth and misfortune not of whining deceit poured the whole contents of his purse into their laps and rode off to T— to find not Mr Harris but Mr Maitland and implore him to see what his skill would do for the poor woman He encountered that gentleman at the outskirts of the town told his story and was so delighted at Mr Maitlands willing promise to go directly and also to report the case to those who would relieve it that he never thought of any thing else till he found himself directly opposite Mr Harriss shop and his bounding heart sunk suddenly down as impelled by a weight of lead The conviction flashed upon him that he had been giving away money which was actually not his own and the deed which had been productive of so much internal happiness now seemed to reproach and condemn him He rode back without even seeking Mr Harris for what could he tell him as the reason of his nonpayment Certainly not his having given it away
The first of May which was his birthday he had been long engaged to spend with some young men and lads who were to have a grand game of cricket a jovial dinner an adjournment to some evening amusement and to conclude the day a gay supper with glees and songs Mr Hamilton had rather wished Percy to leave the party after dinner and had told him so merely however as a preference not a command but giving him permission to use his own discretion Percy knew there would be several expenses attendant on the day but still he had promised so long to be one of the party which all had declared would be nothing without him and his own inclinations so urged him to join it that it seemed to him utterly impossible to draw back especially as he could give no excuse for doing so How could he say that he could not afford it when he was or ought to have been nearly the richest of the party and what would his father think
He went The day was thoroughly delightful and so exciting that though he had started from home with the intention of leaving them after dinner he could not resist the pleadings of his companions and his own wishes and remained At supper alone excitement and revelry seemed to have gained the upper hand and Percy though steady in entirely abstaining from all excess was not quite so guarded as usual A clergyman had lately appeared at T— whose appearance manners and opinions had given more than usual food for gossip and much uncharitableness His cloth indeed ought to have protected him but it rather increased the satire sarcasm and laughter which he excited He was brought forward by the thoughtless youths of Percys party quizzed unmercifully made the object of some clever caricatures and satires and though young Hamilton at first kept aloof he could not resist the contagion He dashed off about halfadozen verses of such remarkably witty and clever point that they were received with roars of applause and an unanimous request for distribution but this he positively refused and put them up with one or two other poems of more innocent wit in which he was fond of indulging into his pocket
The day closed and the next morning brought with it so many regrets and such a confused recollection of the very unusual excitement of the previous evening that he was glad to dismiss the subject from his mind and threw his satire as he believed into the fire In fact he was so absorbed with the disagreeable conviction that he could only pay Mr Harris a third of his remaining debt trifling as in reality it was that he thought of nothing else Now Mr Harris was the editor and publisher of rather a clever weekly paper and Percy happened to be in his parlor waiting to speak to him while he was paying a contribution
I wish my head were clever enough to get out of your debt in that comfortable way he said half laughing as the gentleman left them together
I wish all my customers were as desirous of paying their large debts as you are your small ones was Mr Harriss reply But I have heard something of your clever verses Mr Percy if you will let me see some I really may be able to oblige you as you seem so very anxious to have nothing more to do with me—
In the way of debt not of purchases Mr Harris and I assure you I am not thinking so much about you as of my own disobedience I will lend you my papers only you must give me your word not to publish them with my name
They will not be worth so much replied Mr Harris smiling
Only let me feel they have helped to discharge my debt or at least let me know how much more is wanted to do so and I will worship the muses henceforth replied Percy with almost his natural gayety for he felt he wrote better verses than those Mr Harris had been so liberally paying for and the idea of feeling free again was so very delightful that after receiving Mr Harriss solemn promise not to betray his authorship he galloped home more happy than he had been for some days
Mr Harris had said he must have them that evening and Robert was leaving for the town as his young master entered the house He hastily put up his portfolio and sent it off His conscience was so perfectly free from keeping any thing that he afterward had cause to regret that he did not think of looking them over and great was his delight when a few lines arrived from Mr Harris speaking in the highest terms of his talent and saying that the set of verses he had selected even without the attraction of his name would entirely liquidate his trifling debt
For the next few days Percy trod on air He had resolved on waiting till the poem appeared and then as he really had discharged his debt take courage and confess the whole to his father for his idea of truth made him shrink from any farther concealment He hoped and believed that his father would regard the pain and constant annoyance he had been enduring so long as sufficient penalty for his disobedience and after a time give him back the confidence which he feared must at his first confession be withdrawn
What then was his grief his vexation almost his despair when he recognized in the poem selected the verses he thought and believed he had burned the morning after they were written and which in print and read by his sober self seemed such a heartless glaring cruel insult not only on a fellowcreature but a minister of God that he felt almost overwhelmed What could he do Mr Harris was not to blame for he had made no reservation as to the contents of his portfolio His name indeed was not to them and only having been read lightly once to his companions of that hateful supper—for so he now felt it—almost all of whom were not perfectly sober there was a chance of their never being recognized as his and as their subject did not live near any town where the paper was likely to circulate might never meet his eye But all this was poor comfort The paper was very seldom seen at Oakwood but its contents were often spoken of before his parents and how could he endure a reference to those verses how bear this accumulation of concealment and as he felt deceit and all sprung from the one thoughtless act of ordering an expensive and unnecessary indulgence without sufficient consideration how it was to be paid To tell his father avow himself the author of such a satire and on such a subject he could not Could he tell his mother and implore her intercession that seemed like a want of confidence in his father—no—if he ever could gain courage to confess it it should be to Mr Hamilton alone but the more he thought the more for the first time his courage failed It was only the day before his visit to Lady Helens that he had discovered this accumulation of misfortune and therefore it was not much wonder he was so dispirited Two days afterward Herbert with a blushing cheek and very timid voice asked his father to grant him a great favor He was almost afraid to ask it he said but he hoped and believed his parent would trust his assurance that it was for nothing improper It was that he might be from home next day unattended for several hours He should go on horseback but he was so accustomed to ride and his horse was so steady he hoped he might be allowed to go alone Mr Hamilton looked very much surprised as did all present That the quiet studious Herbert should wish to give up his favorite pursuits so soon too after Mr Howards return and go on what appeared such a mysterious excursion was something so extraordinary that various expressions of surprise broke from his sisters and Edward Percy did look up but made no observation Mr Hamilton only paused however to consult his wifes face and then replied—
You certainly have mystified us my dear boy but I freely grant you my consent and if I can read your mothers face aright hers is not far distant You are now nearly fifteen and never once from your birth has your conduct given me an hours pain or uneasiness I have therefore quite sufficient confidence in your integrity and steadiness to trust you as you wish alone I will not even ask your intentions for I am sure they will not lead you into wrong
Thank you again and again my own dear father I hope I shall never do any thing to forfeit your confidence replied Herbert so eagerly that his cheeks flushed still deeper and his eyes glistened then throwing himself on the stool at his mothers feet he said pleadingly Will you too trust me dearest mother and promise me not to be anxious if I do not appear till after our dinnerhour—promise me this or I shall have no pleasure in my expedition
Most faithfully replied Mrs Hamilton fondly I trust my Herbert almost as I would his father I do not say as much for this young man nor for that she added playfully laying her hand on Percys shoulder and laughing at Edward who was so excessively amused at the sage Herberts turning truant that he was giving vent to a variety of most grotesque antics of surprise Percy sighed so heavily that his mother was startled
I did not intend to call such a very heavy sigh my boy she said In an emergency I would trust you quite as implicitly as Herbert but you have often yourself wished you had his steadiness
Indeed I do mother I wish I were more like him in every thing exclaimed Percy far more despondingly than usual
You will be steady all in time my boy I have not the very slightest fear and as I like variety even in my sons I would rather retain my Percy with all his boyish errors than have even another Herbert So pray do not look so sad or I shall fancy I have given you pain when I only spoke in jest
Percy threw his arm round her waist and kissed her two or three times without saying a word and when he started up and said in his usual gay tone that as he was not going to turn truant the next day he must go and finish some work she saw tears in his eyes That something was wrong she felt certain but still she trusted in his candor and integrity and did not express her fears even to her husband
The morrow came Percy and Edward went to Mr Howards and Herbert at halfpast nine mounted his quiet horse and after affectionately embracing his mother and again promising care and steadiness departed He had risen at five this morning and studied till breakfast so earnestly that a double portion was prepared for the next day He had said as he was starting that if he might remain out so long he should like to call at Greville Manor on his way back take tea there and return home in the cool of the evening
Your next request my very modest son will be I suppose to stay out all night replied Mrs Hamilton and that certainly will be refused This is the last to which I shall consent—off with you my boy and enjoy yourself
But Herbert did not expect to enjoy himself half as much as if he had gone to Mr Howards as usual He did not like to mention his real object for it appeared as if the chances were so much against its attainment and if it were fulfilled to speak about it would be equally painful from its having been an act of kindness
The day passed quietly and a full hour before prayers Herbert was seen riding through the grounds and when he entered the usual sittingroom he looked so happy so animated that if his parents had felt any anxiety—which they had not—it would have vanished at once But though they were contented not to ask him any questions the young party were not and except by Percy who seemed intently engaged with a drawing he was attacked on all sides and to add to their mirth Mr Hamilton took the part of the curious his wife that of her son
Ah mamma may well take Herberts part exclaimed the little joyous Emmeline for of course she knows all about it Herbert would never keep it from her
Indeed I do not and Indeed I have not even told mamma was the reply from both at the same moment but the denial was useless and the prayerbell rung before any satisfaction for the curious could be obtained except that from halfpast six Herbert had been very quietly at Mrs Grevilles
That night as Percy sat in gloomy meditation in his own room before he retired to bed he felt a hand laid gently on his shoulder and looking up beheld his brother—
Have you lost all interest in me Percy asked Herbert with almost melancholy reproach If you had expressed one word of inquiry as to my proceedings I should have told you all without the slightest reserve You have never before been so little concerned for me and indeed I do not like it
I could not ask your confidence my dear Herbert when for the last three months I have been wanting in openness to you Indeed annoyed as I am with my own folly I was as deeply interested as all the rest in your expedition though I guessed its object could be nothing but kindness but how could I ask your secret when I was so reserved with you
Then do not let us have secrets from each other any longer dearest Percy pleaded Herbert twining his arm round his neck and looking with affectionate confidence in his face I do not at all see why my secret must comprise more worth and kindness than yours You talk of folly and I have fancied for some days that you are not quite happy but you often blame yourself so much more than you deserve that you do not frighten me in the least You said last night you wished you were more like me but indeed if you were I should be very sorry What would become of me without your mirth and liveliness and your strength and everworking care to protect me from any thing like pain either mentally or bodily I should not like my own self for my brother at all
Nor I myself for mine replied Percy so strangely cheered that he almost laughed at Herberts very novel idea and after listening with earnest interest to his story took courage and told his own Herbert in this instance however could not comfort him as successfully as usual The satire was the terrible thing every thing else but that even the disobedience of the debt he thought might be easily remedied by an open confession to his father but that unfortunate oversight in not looking over his papers before he sent them to Mr Harris the seeming utter impossibility to stop their circulation was to both these singlehearted highprincipled lads something almost overwhelming It did not in the least signify to either that Percy might never be known as their author Herbert could not tell him what to do except that if he could but get sufficient courage to tell their father even if he could not help them he was sure it would be a great weight off his mind and then he gently reproached him for not coming to him to help him discharge his debt it was surely much better to owe a trifle to his brother than to Mr Harris
And to gratify my extravagance deprive you of some much purer and better pleasure replied Percy indignantly No no Bertie never expect me to do any such thing I would rather suffer the penalty of my own faults fifty times over I wish to heaven I were a child again he added with almost comic ruefulness and had mamma to come to me every night as she used to do before I went to sleep It was so easy then to tell her all I had done wrong in the course of the day and then one error never grew into so many but now—it must be out before Sunday I suppose—I never can talk to my father as I do on that day unless it is—but go to bed dear Herbert I shall have your pale cheeks upon my conscience tomorrow too
CHAPTER VII
MR MORTONS STORY—A CONFESSION—A YOUNG PLEADER—GENEROSITY NOT ALWAYS JUSTICE
Do you remember Emmeline a Mr Morton who officiated for Mr Howard at Aveling five or six weeks ago asked Mr Hamilton of his wife on the Saturday morning after Herberts mysterious excursion The family had not yet left the breakfasttable
Perfectly well was the reply poor young man his appearance and painful weakness of voice called for commiseration too deeply not to be remembered
Is he not deformed inquired Miss Harcourt there was something particularly painful about his manner as he stood in the pulpit
He is slightly deformed now but not five years ago he had a graceful almost elegant figure though always apparently too delicate for the fatiguing mental duties in which he indulged He was of good family but his parents were suddenly much reduced and compelled to undergo many privations to enable him to go to Oxford There he allowed himself neither relaxation nor pleasure of the most trifling and most harmless kind his only wish seemed to be to repay his parents in some degree the heavy debt of gratitude which he felt he owed them His persevering study great talent and remarkable conduct won him some valuable friends one of whom as soon as he was ordained presented him with a rich living in the North For nine months he enjoyed the most unalloyed happiness His pretty vicarage presented a happy comfortable home for his parents and the comforts they now enjoyed earned by the worth of their son amply repaid them for former privations—One cold snowy night he was summoned to a poor parishioner living about ten miles distant The road was rugged and in some parts dangerous but he was not a man to shrink from his duty for such reasons He was detained eight hours during which time the snow had fallen incessantly and it was pitchy dark Still believing he knew his road he proceeded and the next morning was found lying apparently dead at the foot of a precipice and almost crushed under the mangled and distorted carcass of his horse
An exclamation of horror burst from all the little group except from Percy and Herbert the face of the former was covered with his hands and his brother seemed so watching and feeling for him as to be unable to join the general sympathy All however were so engrossed with Mr Hamiltons tale that neither was observed
He was so severely injured that for months his very life was despaired of Symptoms of decline followed and the inability to resume his ministerial duties for years if ever again compelled him to resign his rich and beautiful living in Yorkshire and he felt himself once more a burden on his parents with scarcely any hope of supporting them again Nor was this all his figure once so slight and supple had become so shrunk and maimed that at first he seemed actually to loathe the sight of his fellows His voice once so rich and almost thrilling became wiry and almost painfully monotonous and for some months the conflict for submission to this inscrutable and most awful trial was so terrible that he nearly sunk beneath it This was of course still more physical than mental and gradually subsided as after eighteen months residence in Madeira where he was sent by a benevolent friend some portion of health returned The same benefactor established his father in some humble but most welcome business in London and earnestly on his return did his parents persuade him to remain quietly with them and not undertake the ministry again but this he could not do and gratefully accepted a poor and most miserable parish on the moor not eight miles from here
But when did you become acquainted with him papa asked Caroline you have never mentioned him before
No my dear I never saw him till the Sunday he officiated for Mr Howard but his appearance so deeply interested me I did not rest till I had learned his whole history which Mr Howard had already discovered He has been nearly a year in Devonshire but so kept aloof from all but his own poor parishioners dreading the ridicule and sneers of the more worldly and wealthy that it was mere accident which made Mr Howard acquainted with him Our good ministers friendship and earnest exhortations have so far overcome his too great sensitiveness as sometimes to prevail on him to visit the Vicarage and I trust in time equally to succeed in bringing him here
But what is he so afraid of dear papa innocently asked Emmeline Surely nobody could be so cruel as to ridicule him because he is deformed
Unfortunately my dear child there are too many who only enter church for the sake of the sermon and the preacher and to criticise severely and uncharitably all that differs from their preconceived ideas to such persons Mr Morton must be an object of derision And now I come to the real reason of my asking your mother if she remembered him
Then you had a reason answered Mrs Hamilton smiling your story has made me wonder whether you had or not
I must tax your memory once more Emmeline before my cause is told Do you recollect for a fortnight after the Sunday we heard him he preached twice a week at Torrington to oblige a very particular friend
Yes and that you feared the increased number of the congregation proceeded far more from curiosity than kindliness or devotion
I did say so and my fears are confirmed some affairs brought Morton to Torrington for two or three days this week and yesterday I called on him and had some hours interesting conversation He was evidently even more than usually depressed and selfshrinking if I may use the word and at length touched it seemed by my sympathy he drew my attention to a poem in Harriss Weekly Magazine
It is not enough that it has pleased my God to afflict me he said but my fellowcreatures must unkindly make me the subject of attacks such as these There is indeed no name but to none else but me will it apply I could not reply for I really felt too deeply for him It was such a cruel wanton insult the very talent of the writer for the verses though few in number were remarkably clever adding to their gall
I wonder Harris should have published them observed Miss Harcourt his paper is not in general of a personal kind
It is never sufficiently guarded and it would require a person of higher principles than I fear Harris has to resist the temptation of inserting a satire likely to sell a double or treble number of his papers I spoke to him at once and bought up every one that remained but though he expressed regret it was not in a tone that at all satisfied me as to his feeling it and of course as the paper has been published since last Saturday evening the circulation had nearly ceased If I could but know the author I think I could make him feel the excessive cruelty if not the actual guilt of his wanton deed
But dear papa the person who wrote it might not have known his story interposed Caroline to Edwards and Ellens astonishment that she had courage to speak at all for their uncles unusual tone and look brought back almost more vividly than it had ever done before their mothers lessons of his exceeding and terrible sternness
That does not excuse the ridicule my dear child it only confirms the lesson I have so often tried to teach you all that any thing tending by word or deed to hurt the feelings of a fellowcreature is absolutely wrong—wrong in the thing itself not according to the greater or less amount of pain it may excite
But my dear husband the writer may not have been so taught Satire and ridicule are unhappily so popular that these verses may have been penned without any thought of their evil tendency merely as to the éclat they would bring their author We must not be too severe for we do not know—
Mother mother do not—do not speak so if you have ever loved me at length exclaimed poor Percy so choked with his emotion that he could only throw himself by her side bury his face in her lap and sob for a few minutes like a child But he recovered himself with a strong effort before either of his family could conquer their anxiety and alarm and standing erect though pale as marble without in the least degree attempting excuse or extenuation acknowledged the poem as his and poured out his whole story with the sole exception of how he had disposed of the money with which the second time of receiving his allowance he had intended to discharge his debt and the manner in which he told that part of his tale from the fear that it would seem like an excuse or a boast was certainly more calculated to call for doubt than belief Herbert was about to speak but an imploring glance from Percy checked him
Mr Hamilton was silent several minutes after his son had concluded before he could reply Percy was so evidently distressed—had suffered so much from the consequence of his own errors—felt so intensely the unintentional publication of his poem—for his father knew his truth far too well to doubt his tale and there was something so intrinsically noble in his brave confession that to condemn him severely he felt as if he could not
Of willful cruelty toward Mr Morton your story has certainly exculpated you he said as sternly as he could but otherwise you must be yourself aware that it has given me both grief and pain and the more so because you evidently shrink from telling me in what manner you squandered away that money which would have been sufficient to have fully discharged your debt six weeks ago I must therefore believe there is still some deed of folly unrevealed I condemn you to no punishment—you are old enough now to know right from wrong and your own feelings must condemn or applaud you Had you been firm as I had hoped you were example would not so have worked upon you as to tempt even the composition of your satire as it is you must reap the consequences of your weakness in the painful consciousness that you have deeply wounded one who it would seem had been already sufficiently afflicted and that confidence must for the time be broken between us Go sir the hour of your attendance on Mr Howard is passed
Mr Hamilton rose with the last words and somewhat hastily quitted the room Percy only ventured one look at his mother she seemed so grieved—so sad—that he could not bear it and darting out of the room was seen in less than a minute traversing the grounds in the direction of the vicarage at such a rate that Edward fleet as in general he was could not overtake him Herbert lingered he could not bear that any part of Percys story should remain concealed and so told at once how his second allowance had been expended
Mrs Hamiltons eyes glistened Percys incoherence on that one point had given her more anxiety than any thing else and the relief the truth bestowed was inexpressible Imprudent it was but there was something so lovable in such a disposition that she could not resist going directly to her husband to impart it
You always bring me comfort dearest was his fond rejoinder anxious as that boys thoughtlessness must make me for what are his temptations now to what they will be still I must imbibe your fond belief that with such an open generous truthful heart he can not go far wrong But what are we to do about that unfortunate poem I can not associate with Morton knowing the truth and yet permit him to believe I am as ignorant of the author as himself
Let me speak to Percy before we decide on anything my dear Arthur Is Mr Morton still at Torrington
No he was to return to Heathmore this morning
Mrs Hamilton looked very thoughtful but she did not make any rejoinder
In the hour of recreation Emmeline declaring it was much too hot for the garden sought her mothers private sittingroom with the intention of asking where she could find her father To her great delight the question was arrested on her lips for he was there She seated herself on his knee and remained there for some minutes without speaking—only looking up in his face with the most coaxing expression imaginable
Well Emmeline what great favor are you going to ask me said Mr Hamilton smiling some weighty boon I am quite sure
Indeed papa and how do you know that
I can read it in your eyes
My eyes are treacherous telltales then and you shall not see them any more she replied laughing and shaking her head till her long bright ringlets completely hid her eyes and blushing cheeks But have they told you the favor I am going to ask
No replied her father joining in her laugh they leave that to your tongue
I can read more I think said Mrs Hamilton I am very much mistaken if I do not know what Emmeline is going to ask
Only that—that— still she hesitated as if afraid to continue and her mother added—
That papa will not be very angry with Percy Emmeline is not that the boon you have no courage to ask
A still deeper glow mounted to the childs fair cheek and throwing her arms round her fathers neck she said coaxingly and fondly—
Mamma has guessed it dear papa you must indeed you must forgive him—poor fellow he is so very sorry and he has suffered so much already—and he did not throw away his money foolishly as you thought he gave it to some very poor people—and you are always pleased when we are charitable pray forget every thing else but that and treat him as you always do dear papa—will you not
I wonder which is most certain—that mamma must be a witch or Emmeline a most eloquent little pleader said Mr Hamilton caressingly stroking the ringlets she had disordered and suppose after today I do grant your request—what then
Oh you will be such a dear darling good papa exclaimed Emmeline almost suffocating him with kisses and then starting from his knee she danced about the room in a perfect ecstasy of delight and Percy will be happy again and we shall all be so happy Mamma dear mamma I am sure you will be glad too
And now Emmeline when you have danced yourself sober again come back to your seat for as I have listened to and answered you you must listen to and answer me
In an instant she was on his knee again quite quiet and attentive
In the first place do you think Percy was justified making Mr Morton an object of satire at all even if it should never have left his own portfolio
No papa and I am quite sure if he had not been rather more excited—and—and heedless than usual—which was very likely he should be you know papa after such a day of nothing but pleasure—he would never have done such a thing I am sure he did not think of hurting Mr Mortons feelings he only wanted to prove that he was quite as clever as his companions and that was very natural you know when he is so clever at such things But my brother Percy willingly ridicule a clergyman no no dear papa pray do not believe it
Well defended my little girl but how do you justify his disobeying my commands and incurring a debt
Emmeline was silent He was very wrong to do that papa but I am sure when he ordered the engravings he did not intend to disobey you and you know he is naturally very—I mean a little impatient
Still on the defensive Emmeline even against your better judgment Well well I must not make you condemn your brother does he know what an eloquent pleader he has in his sister
No papa and pray do not tell him
And why not
Because he might think it was only for my sake you forgave him and not for his own and I know I should not like that if I were in his place
He shall know nothing more than you desire my dear little girl replied her father drawing her closer to him with almost involuntary tenderness And now will you try and remember what I am going to say You wish me only to think of Percys kind act in giving his money to the poor people but I should have been better pleased in this case had he been more just and not so generous I know it is not unfrequently said by young persons when they think they are doing a charitable act and can only do it by postponing the payment of their debts—Oh Mr So and so has plenty of business he can afford to wait for his money but these poor creatures are starving Now this is not generosity or charity but actual injustice and giving away money which is literally not their own I do not believe Percy thought so because I have no doubt he forgot Mr Harris at the time entirely but still as it was a mere impulse of kindness it does not please me quite so much as it does you
But it was charity papa was it not You have said that whenever we are kind and good to the poor God is pleased with us and if Percy did not intend to wrong Mr Harris and only thought about relieving the poor family was it not a good feeling
It was but it might have been still worthier Suppose Percy had encountered this case of distress when on his way to order his engravings and to enable him to relieve it as he wished he had given up the purchasing them That he found he could not afford the two and so gave up the one mere individual gratification to succor some unhappy fellowcreatures would not that have been still worthier and by the conquest of his own inclinations rendered his charity still more acceptable to God Do you quite understand me Emmy
I think I do dear papa you mean that though God is so good He is pleased whenever we are charitable He is still better pleased when to be so gives us a little pain
Very well explained my little girl so you see in this instance if Percy had been just before he was generous and then to be generous had denied himself some pleasure his conduct would not have given us or himself any pain but have been quite as worthy of all the praise you could bestow And now I wonder how mamma could have discovered so exactly what favor you had to ask
Oh mamma always knows all my feelings and wishes almost before I know them myself though I never can find out how
Shall I tell you Emmeline Your mother has devoted hours weeks months and years to studying the characters of all her children so to know them that she may not only be able to guide you in the path of good but to share all your little joys and sorrows to heighten the one and guard you from the other Ought you not to be very grateful to your Father in Heaven for giving you such a mother
His child made no answer in words but she slipped from his knee and darting to her mother clasped her little arms tight round her neck and hid her glowing cheeks and tearful eyes in her bosom And from that hour as she felt her mothers fond return of that passionate embrace her love became religion though she knew it not Her thoughts flew to her cousins and many others who had no mother and to others whose mothers left them to nurses and governesses and seemed always to keep them at a distance And she felt How could she thank and love God enough Nor was it the mere feeling of the moment it became part of her being for the right moment had been seized to impress it
CHAPTER VIII
AN UNPLEASANT PROPOSAL—THE MYSTERY SOLVED—A FATHERS GRIEF FROM A MOTHERS WEAKNESS—A FATHERS JOY FROM A MOTHERS INFLUENCE
Meanwhile the young heir of Oakwood had passed no very pleasant day His thoughts since Mr Howards return had been so preoccupied that his studies had been unusually neglected so much so as rather to excite the displeasure of his gentle and forbearing preceptor The emotion of the morning had not tended to steady his ideas and a severe reproof and long imposition was the consequence Not one word did he deign to address Herbert and Edward who perceiving him leave the Vicarage with every mark of irritation endeavored during their walk home to soothe him His step was even more rapid than that in which he had left home and he neither stopped nor spoke till he had reached his fathers library which fortunately for the indulgence of his ire in words was untenanted He dashed his cap from his brow flung his books with violence on the ground and burst forth—
Am I not a fool—an idiot thus to torment myself and for one act of folly when hundreds of boys at my age are entirely their own masters do what they please—spend what they please—neither questioned nor reproved—and that poem—how many would glory in its authorship and not care a whit whom it might wound Why am I such a fool as to reproach myself about it and then be punished like a schoolboy with an imposition to occupy me at home because I did not choose to learn in the hours of study—Not choose I wish Mr Howard could feel as I have done today nay all this week and I challenge him to bore his head with Greek and Latin But why am I so cowed as to feel so Why can not I have the same spirit as others—instead of being such a slave—such a—
Percy exclaimed Mrs Hamilton who having sought him the moment she heard the halldoor close had heard nearly the whole of his violent speech and was almost alarmed at the unusual passion it evinced Her voice of astonished expostulation checked his words but not his agitation he threw himself on a chair leaning his arms upon the table buried his face upon them while his whole frame shook His mother sat down by him and laying her hand on his arm said gently—
What is it that has so irritated you my dear Percy What has made you return home in such a very different mood to that in which you left it Tell me my boy
Percy tried to keep silence for he knew if he spoke he should as he expressed it be a child again and his pride tried hard for victory Even his father or Herbert at that moment would have chafed him into increased anger but the almost passionate love and reverence which he felt for his mother triumphed over his wrath and told him he was much more unhappy than angry and that he longed for her to comfort him as she always had done in his childish griefs and so he put his arms round her and laid his head on her shoulder and said in a halfchoked voice—
I am very unhappy mother I feel as if I had been every thing that was bad and cruel and foolish and so it was a relief to be in a passion but I did not mean you to hear it and cause you more grief than I have done already
You have been very thoughtless very foolish and not quite so firm as we could have wished my own dear boy but I will not have you accuse yourself of any graver faults replied Mrs Hamilton as she lightly pushed back the clustering hair from his heated forehead and the gentle touch of her cool hand seemed as restorative as her soothing words and Percy as he listened to her as she continued speaking to him in the same strain for some little time felt more relieved than five minutes before he thought possible and more than ever determined that he would never act so thoughtlessly or if he were tempted to do so never keep it concealed so long again Mrs Hamiltons anxious desire with him was always to do justice to his better qualities at the same time that she blamed and convinced him of his faults It was a very delicate thing and very difficult to succeed in perhaps impossible to minds less peculiarly refined and hearts less intensely anxious than Mrs Hamiltons but no difficulty no failure had ever deterred her—and in Percy she was already rewarded He was of that high fine spirit that any unjust harshness would have actually confirmed in error—any unguarded word bring argument on argument and so for the mere sake of opposition cause him to abide in his opinions when the acknowledgment of his being right in some things produced the voluntary confession of his error in others
And now about these unfortunate verses my dear boy I am not quite clear as to their fate how it happened that you did not destroy them directly you returned home
I fully intended and believed I had done so mother but the whirl of that night seemed to extend to the morning and I dressed and prepared for Mr Howard in such a hurry I had overslept myself too that though I had quite resolved they should not pollute my pocketbook any longer I had no time to look over my papers—thought I could not be mistaken in their outside—burnt those I really wished to keep and threw those which have caused me all this pain into my portfolio If I had but been firm enough to have followed my fathers advice and left my companions before supper—or if I did join them had not been so weak so mad as to yield to the temptation but adhered to my principles notwithstanding they might have been laughed at I might have been spared it all but I was so excited so heated with a more than sufficient quantity of wine that I did not know what I was about—not its extent of wrong at least
And you have suffered enough for an evenings excitement my poor boy but I am sure you would atone for it if you could
Atone for it mother I would give all I possess to cancel that odious poem and blot it from Mr Mortons memory as from my own
And I think you can do both Percy
He looked at her in utter bewilderment
Do both mother he repeated
Yes my boy it is a painful remedy but it would be an effectual one Seek Mr Morton and tell him yourself your whole story
Percy crimsoned to the very temples
Do not ask me such a thing mother he answered very hurriedly I can not do it
You think so at this moment my dear boy I am not at all astonished that you should for it will be very humiliating and very painful and if I could spare you either the humiliation or the pain yet produce the same good effects I need not tell you how gladly I would but no one can remove the sting of that poem from Mr Mortons sensitive feelings but yourself and I am quite sure if you will allow yourself a little time for quiet thought you will agree with me
But why should I inflict such pain upon myself granting I deserve it answered Percy still much heated when though my poem is the only one that has unfortunately met his eye the others were quite as galling and my companions quite as much to blame—why should I be the sufferer
Because by many errors you have brought it on yourself Your companions did indeed act very wrongly but are we quite sure that the principles which your father and Mr Howard have so carefully impressed upon you have been as carefully impressed upon them and in such a case are not you the more responsible They had evidently no inward check to keep them from such an amusement you had for you have acknowledged that you kept aloof at first knowing it was wrong and only yielded from want of sufficient firmness Inflict the pain of an avowal upon yourself my boy and its memory will help you in future from yielding to too great weakness—and the act prove to us that though for a moment led into great error you are still as brave and honest as we believe you
Percy did not reply but his countenance denoted an inward struggle and his mother added—
Suppose as is very likely Mr Morton becomes intimate here how can you with your open truthful heart associate with him with any comfort or confidence even though perfectly satisfied that we would not betray you and that he would never know the truth You may fancy now that you could but I know my Percy better but I must not talk to you any more for the dressingbell rang some minutes ago Remember my dear boy that I lay no command on you to seek Mr Morton I have only told you that which I believe would restore you to happiness and atone for your faults more effectually than any thing else but you are quite at liberty to act as you think proper
She left the room as she spoke but Percy remained for some few minutes longer in deep thought and when he prepared for dinner and joined his family it was still in the same unbroken silence Mr Hamilton took no notice of him and two or three times the little affectionate Emmeline felt the tears rising to her eyes for she could not bear to see that brother who was in general the life of the family group so silent and abstracted
Sliding after him as he quitted the room after dinner she took his hand and looked coaxingly in his face longing but not daring to tell him her fathers promise for fear he should discover her share in the transaction
Well dear Emmy
Are you going to take a walk Percy—let me go with you
I do not think I am love I may be going to ride
To ride repeated the little girl will it be worth while
You forget Emmy it is summer now I have full four hours before prayers but do not say any thing about my intentions Emmeline for I do not know them myself yet
He kissed her forehead and left her and a few minutes afterward she was summoned to join her mother Caroline and Ellen in a walk They sauntered through the grounds in the direction of the northern lodge which opened on the road leading to Dartmoor when not a quarter of an hour after they had left the house they were overtaken by Percy riding at what seemed almost a hand gallop but he had time as he passed his mother to gracefully doff his cap and her fond heart throbbed as she caught the expression of his flushed but earnest face He was out of sight in another moment followed by Robert who was the lads constant attendant
Before they had concluded their walk they met Mrs Greville and Mary and returned with them to the house Emmeline who had not seen Mary for nearly a fortnight was in an ecstasy of enjoyment and Ellen always felt it a real pleasure quietly to walk by Marys side and answer the many questions with which she always contrived to interest her On entering the house Mr Hamilton Herbert and Edward joined them and Mrs Hamilton was somewhat surprised at the even more than ordinary warmth with which her son was greeted by her friends and at the flush which stained his cheek at Mrs Grevilles first words—
You were not too much fatigued last Thursday I hope my dear Herbert she inquired and as she looked at him her eyes glistened in tears
Oh not in the least he replied instantly and as if he would exceedingly like to change the subject but Mrs Greville turning to Mrs Hamilton continued—
Will you forgive me Emmeline if I confess that my visit this evening was more to inquire after your son than even to see you I was so anxious to know that he had suffered no inconvenience from his unusual and I am sure fatiguing exertion
I suppose I must not be jealous as you are so candid replied Mrs Hamilton smiling but I feel very much inclined to be so finding that you are more in my sons confidence than I am myself I know Herbert was from home on Thursday but I was not aware of any particular exertion on his part
Did you not know then where he went exclaimed Mary and her mother at the same moment and the former continued with unusual eagerness Did you not know that he went to the races to try and hear something of Alfred and that by hunting about both the fair and the raceground—scenes which I know he so much dislikes—he actually found him and amused him so successfully that he kept him with him all day Papa was so engaged that he had no time to look after Alfred who from being left entirely to himself might have sought the worst companions I can not think what charm Herbert used but Alfred was quite contented to be with him they dined together and—
He brought me what next to my boy himself was the greatest consolation I could have interposed Mrs Greville her voice so faltering that tears almost escaped—a few lines which he assures me Alfred thought of writing himself telling me he could not bear to think he had left home without kissing me and that though he was so happy with his father that he could not wish to return home he still loved me and Mary very very much and would continue to love us and come and see us whenever he could Oh Emmeline can you not imagine the relief of such a letter of hearing of him at all and it was all through the kindness the goodness of your boy
When Mrs Greville and Mary had first begun to speak Herbert tried to retreat but Edward placing himself against the door so that to open it was impossible and Caroline and Emmeline both at once catching hold of him to keep him prisoner egress was not to be thought of so in laughing despair he broke from his sisters flung himself on his usual seat his mothers stool and almost hid himself in her dress
It must have been a relief indeed answered Mr Hamilton and rejoiced am I that my quiet Herbert thought of such a plan Look up Master Shamefaced and tell us the reason of your most extraordinary mystery on this occasion Why did you so carefully conceal your intentions from your mother and myself
Because papa I feared you might not approve of them I hardly dared think about it myself for it seemed as if I were doing actually wrong in disregarding your principles for only the chance of effecting good I know if I had mentioned my wish to find Alfred or hear something about him you would not have refused my going but then mamma must have known it and she would have been anxious and uncomfortable if I had not appeared the very moment I had named would you not he continued looking up in her face with that expression of affection which very few even comparative strangers had power to remit
I should indeed my dear boy I fear I should have condemned your scheme as a very wild one and really am glad you thought so much of my comfort as not to tell me more than you did So I must not even be jealous Jessie but rather propose a vote of thanks to you and Mary for solving the mystery I do not think Herbert ever excited so much curiosity and speculation in his life before
The entrance of Mr Grahame changed the current of the conversation greatly to Herberts relief for he did not at all like being thus brought forward Austere as Grahame was at home he was always welcomed with pleasure by the young Hamiltons who never could understand why Annie and Cecil should so fear him That something unusual had annoyed him Mr Hamilton perceived at the first glance but he took no notice for Grahame seemed to find relief in talking gayly to the young people
And where is my friend Percy he inquired as he joined the happy group at tea and Percy was still absent Mr Hamilton repeated the question in some surprise but his wife replying that he had gone to ride and might not be back yet the subject dropped
After tea Mrs Greville and Mary attended by Herbert and Edward returned to the Manor and the little girls went to finish some business for the next day and amuse themselves as they liked Grahame remained alone with his friends who at length drew from him the cause of his solicitude He had that morning discovered that notwithstanding his positive commands Cecil had gone to the prohibited places of amusement His wife had prevaricated when he questioned her at one moment almost denying her connivance at the boys disobedience at another unconsciously acknowledging it by insisting that there was no harm in it and if Grahame would persist in so interfering with his childrens amusements he must expect to be disobeyed If such were his home where was he to look for truth honor and affection What would be his sons after career if such were the lessons of his childhood He had punished him severely but there was little hope of its producing any good effect when his wife was yet more to blame than his child It would only alienate the boys affections still more from him Yet what could he do Could he let such disobedience and untruthfulness—for Cecil had denied his having been at the races—pass unnoticed He had shut himself up in his library the remainder of the day but at length unable to bear his own thoughts had walked over to Oakwood feeling sure if peace were to be found he should find it there
Their sympathy it was easy for Mr and Mrs Hamilton to give—for they felt it sincerely—but to advise was both delicate and difficult To interfere in a household is not the part even of the most intimate friends And when Lady Helen herself encouraged the boy in his disobedience and showed him an example of equivocation what could be said Grahame could not bear the idea of a public school for a boy scarcely eleven and whose homeinfluence was so injurious and Mr Hamilton could not advise it He tried therefore merely to raise the depressed spirits of his friend bringing forward many instances when even the best training failed and others where the faults of childhood were subdued by circumstances and became fair promising youth Grahame shook his head despondingly
You can scarcely be a fit judge of my trial Hamilton he said you have known nothing but the blessing of handinhand companionship in the training of your children as in every thing else There must be unity between father and mother or there is little hope of joy in their offspring for either were my wife only in some things like yours—but I see I must not speak so he added hurriedly as he met a glance of reproach from Mrs Hamilton and he turned to address the two lads who at that instant entered from their walk The bell for prayers rung soon afterward and Grahame rose to say good night
Nay stay with us said Mr Hamilton earnestly Why should the call for devotion be the signal for separation join us Grahame It is not the first time by very many that we have prayed together
Grahame yielded without an instants hesitation Still Percy had not returned and his mother became dreadfully anxious Her husband at her request waited a quarter of an hour but reluctantly for he was more particular that every member of his household should assemble at the stated hour of prayer than in any other point relating to his establishment Scarcely however had the first word been said when Percy and Robert entered and the former with a very rapid but noiseless step traversed the large room and kneeled in his accustomed place In vain did Mrs Hamilton try to keep her thoughts fixed on the service Had he really been to Mr Morton and if he had how had he been received had his fine spirit been soothed or irritated and a thousand other nameless but natural fears thronged her heart But one look on her son as he rose reassured her his cheek was flushed with rapid riding but his dark eye sparkled and he looked more bright and joyous than he had done for weeks He advanced without hesitation to Mr Hamilton the moment the domestics had quitted the library and said eagerly but still respectfully—
Will you too forgive me my dear father Mr Morton knows the whole truth and has not only pardoned my cruel folly but assured me that I have more than atoned for the pain my hateful verses inflicted that he will laugh at them himself and declare he knows their author as a most particular friend—which he hopes you will permit me to become—whenever he has the opportunity for that such notice of them will be the surest way to consign them to oblivion I have endured so much pain the last few weeks that I do not think I shall be so thoughtless and weak in a hurry again Will you try me once more
Astonished and touched far more than he was ever in the habit of allowing himself to feel much less to display Mr Hamilton had some difficulty in replying but his words were even more than satisfactory to his sons eager heart for he answered earnestly—
Pray do not give me any praise for my courage papa I am quite sure if it had not been for mammas suggestion I never could have done it It might have crossed my mind but I fear pride would not have permitted me to listen to it but when mamma put the case before me as she did I could not prevent my conscience from feeling the truth of all she said and if I had not followed her advice I should have been more miserable still Dearest mother he continued as he turned with even more than his usual affection to receive her nightly embrace you have made me so happy how can I thank you
If she made him happy he certainly had returned the blessing for Mrs Hamilton had seldom felt more exquisite pleasure than she did at that moment and her little Emmeline though she could not quite understand all her mothers feelings felt in her way almost as glad
Well Mrs Hamilton will not your sons words confirm mine said Mr Grahame trying to speak cheerfully when the young party had retired and he was again alone with his friends Can he go far wrong with such a friend
Indeed he has done me more than justice and himself not enough When I left him I had scarcely a hope that my very disagreeable advice would be followed besides Mr Grahame she added more playfully it was not from disagreeing with you on a mothers influence that my look reproached you you know well enough what it meant and I still say that even now if you would but be less reserved and stern would but see Helens many better qualities as clearly as you do her faults you might still win her to your will even with regard to your children
Not now Mrs Hamilton it is too late but you have no idea how your look transported me back to years past he added evidently resolved to change the subject when I actually almost feared to approach you Do you remember Hamilton when I told you if Miss Manvers had a fault she was too cold
I shall not easily forget the incidents of that night replied Mr Hamilton with a fond glance toward his wife Poor Eleanor when her conduct that evening fell under my lash I little thought her orphan children would be living under my roof and to me almost like my own
And one her very image observed Grahame Does either resemble her in mind or disposition
Edward almost as much in mind as in personal beauty replied Mrs Hamilton But not in all points of his disposition Ellen does not resemble her poor mother in any thing
Is she like her father
I did not know him sufficiently to judge but I fancy not—In fact I hardly yet understand Ellen
Indeed answered Grahame smiling is your penetrative genius here at fault
I fear it is she answered in the same tone Ellen is my youngest child—and that which has been my successful help five times has become blunted at the sixth and refuses to aid me further
Grahame do not heed her interposed her husband laughing she fancies there is something extraordinary about Ellen which she can not comprehend and I feel certain that imagination has been playing with my wifes sober judgment and that our little niece is a very ordinary child only rather more sad and quiet than is usual at her age which may be easily accounted for by her early trials and constant illhealth So I solve what my wife pronounces a mystery She has so few fancies however that I do not quarrel with this for it has all the charm of novelty
There were more than usual subjects of thought on the minds of all the young inmates of Oakwood before they went to sleep that night Percys Herberts and Emmelines were all peculiarly happy and peaceful Carolines were not so agreeable Praise lavished on others never gave her pleasure the question would always come Why did she not receive it too It was very hard that she so seldom received it and selflove was always ready to accuse her parents of some degree of partiality rather than herself of unworthiness But these thoughts only came when she was alone the moment she heard her fathers voice or met her mothers smile they fled from her till they were pertinaciously recalled
Ellen thought mostly of Herbert She had been as curious as the rest to know where he had been though she had not said so much about it But that it was for some good kind deed she had never doubted
No wonder Mary loves him so much she said internally but how can I ever hope he will love one so often naughty as I am If Edward be so much superior what must Herbert be How I wish I were his sister and then he would love me deserving or not
That poor Ellen was often thought as she expressed it naughty was true and it was this mingling of many apparent faults especially disregard to her aunts commands and but too often endeavor to conceal and equivocate instead of an open confession with a sorrow and repentance too deep and painful for her years that so fairly bewildered Mrs Hamilton and really as she had told Mr Grahame prevented her from understanding Ellen If she could but have known of that unfortunate promise and the strong hold it had taken of the childs vivid imagination that by dwelling on it she had actually made herself believe that by always shielding Edward from blame or punishment she was obeying and making her mother love her from Heaven and so still more deepening her fathers affection for her and that this idea enabled her to bear the suffering of that most painful of all punishments her aunts displeasure Mrs Hamilton would have left no means untried to remove such a mistaken impression and no doubt would have succeeded but she had not the slightest conception of the real origin of her nieces incomprehensible contradictions She had believed and hoped the influences of her earlier life would disappear before the quiet wholesome routine of the present and often and often she found herself fearing that it could not be only maternal neglect but actual disposition at fault When convinced of the great importance of truth Ellen frequently instead of attempting to conceal what Edward might have heedlessly done actually took it upon herself not being able to define that in such selfsacrifice she was also forfeiting truth or if she did believe so it was also clear that to tell the real truth to her aunt and betray Edward was breaking her solemn promise to her mother and either way she was doing wrong To describe or define the chaos in the poor childs mind from these contending feelings would be almost as impossible to us as it was to herself She only knew that she was often naughty when she most wished to be good that her aunt must think she did not care for her displeasure when it made her so very unhappy that she was scarcely ever in disgrace without being ill That she never could feel happy for even when good there always seemed a weight hanging over her and therefore she must be different to and worse than any body else Little do mere superficial observers know the capabilities for joy or suffering in a young childs heart the exquisitely tender germ which is committed to us the awful responsibility which lies in the hands of adults for the joy or grief good or evil as the portion of a child Happily for Ellen Mrs Hamiltons love was as inexhaustible as her patience or her niece might have been still more unhappy for few would have so understood and practiced the delicate and difficult task of constantly being called upon to correct and yet to love
Our young readers must not think Edward very cowardly and very dishonorable always to let his sister bear the penalty of his faults He had never been taught and therefore could not understand the imperative necessity when guilty of heedlessness or disobedience boldly to step forward whether others were injured or not and avow it He did not understand how not to say any thing about it unless he was asked could be a want of truth
It was also Mrs Hamiltons constant custom never to mention to the members of her family who might have been absent at the time any thing of fault or disgrace which had fallen under her own immediate jurisdiction unless their nature absolutely demanded it and the absence of the young offenders from the happy family circle either at meals or hours of recreation when such an unusual proceeding was necessary in consequence never excited any remark but a very general feeling of regret Edward therefore scarcely ever heard the actual cause of his sisters disgrace and sometimes did not even know she had incurred it He did indeed when she was sometimes absent feel very uncomfortable but his immovable awe of his really indulgent uncle an impression of his mothers creating quite as strong as Ellens idea of the sanctity of her promise caused him to adopt every means of removing the uncomfortable consciousness that he was far more to blame than Ellen but the right one a fearless inquiry as to why she was punished and an open avowal that it was he who had either led her into error or was the real offender His thoughts on Percys conduct were very different to those of his cousins
No he exclaimed almost aloud in the energy of his feelings no I would have suffered any thing every thing rather than have done this—seek Mr Morton humble myself by avowing the truth to him and ask his pardon for a mere clever joke that Percy ought to have been proud of instead of regretting If I did not know him well I should believe him a craven milkandwater lad without a particle of the right spirit within him What could have possessed him—my uncles look must have frightened him out of his sober senses to be sure it was very terrible poor mamma was indeed right as to his unbending sternness but I think I could have dared even his anger rather than beg Mr Mortons pardon when there really was no necessity And sleep overtook him with the firm conviction resting on his mind that though in some things Percy might be his equal yet in manliness and spirit he Edward was decidedly the superior
CHAPTER IX
TEMPTATION AND DISOBEDIENCE—FEAR—FALSEHOOD AND PUNISHMENT
It was the Christmas vacation—always a happy season in the halls of Oakwood The previous year the general juvenile party with which Mr and Mrs Hamilton indulged their children on the first or sixth of January as circumstances permitted had not taken place on account of Mrs Fortescues death and was therefore this year anticipated with even more than usual joy Caroline and Emmeline were never permitted to go to indiscriminate parties Two or three really confined to children their mother allowed their joining with Miss Harcourt in the course of the year but their own ball was always considered the acme of enjoyment especially now that Caroline began to fancy herself very much too old for only childrens parties Annie went almost every where with Lady Helen and quite laughed at the idea of joining children and Caroline this year began to wish most intensely that her mother would take her out to grownup parties too and lost all relish for the pleasant parties she had enjoyed Mrs Hamilton never obliged her to go out with Emmeline and Ellen if she really did not wish it but Caroline could not get any farther in considering herself a woman
The week before Christmas Mr and Mrs Hamilton did not allow to be all holiday and amusement The season was to their feelings of religion one of earnest intense thankfulness and they wished to make it equally so to their children—a source of joy and hope indeed but the joy and hope of Heaven not the mere amusements and pleasures of earth They had thought long and tried earnestly to make their children so to love serious things as never to associate them with gloom or sadness—never to fancy that to be truly and spiritually religious demanded a relinquishment of the joys and pleasures and innocent happiness of their age and admirably had they succeeded Christmas week was always anticipated with quiet gladness for they were still more with their father and mother and the few serious readings and lessons they had were from and with them alone Miss Harcourts time was then entirely her own As soon as Christmasday was passed the young party with the sole exception of two hours work by themselves in the morning or some part of the day if the mornings were wanted—for Mrs Hamilton never permitted all duty to be suspended believing—and her children had experienced the wisdom of the belief—that pleasure and recreation were infinitely more enjoyable after the performance of some duty however brief and easy than had they nothing to do but to amuse themselves all day—were allowed to be just as free happy and noisy as they pleased and the exuberance of their innocent happiness would have been envied by many who might have thought the quiet routine of their usual life irksome indeed
Edward Fortescue was looking forward with the greatest delight to becoming a midshipman in the course of the following year He hoped indeed it would be in a very few months but his uncle and Mr Howard had only told him to work on as hard as he could for the summons might come for him to join at a very short notice and it would be very dreadful if the commission should be refused because his guardians did not think him forward enough in his various studies to leave them They had looked very mischievous when they had told him this and Edward had enjoyed the joke and resolved they should not have any such amusement He would go to sea if he worked night and day for the privilege and he really did so well that his uncle gave him great praise which was as unexpected and delightful as his anger was terrible
It happened that on the morning after Christmasday Edward and Ellen were quite alone in the school room the former was in one of his most impatient moods for at his own request his uncle was to examine him in a favorite study and one of the necessary books was wanting He had read it a few evenings previous but something had crossed him and in a desperate passion he had flung the book from him and where it fell he neither knew nor cared Caroline and Emmeline had already gone on an expedition to some poor people with their mother Ellen had asked and received permission to put some seeds in her little garden Percy having kindly promised to show her where and to do some harder work in it for her He was however still engaged with his father and would be he had told her for perhaps an hour longer but he would be sure to come to her then and to employ the interval she had intended to work hard at a purse she was making for him Edward however entirely engrossed her and for nearly half an hour they hunted in every nook and corner of the room at length—
I see it I see it Edward Ellen exclaimed adding however in a very desponding tone but what shall we do we can not get it
Why not answered Edward impatiently where is it Ellen
Behind that stand of flowers she replied pointing to one that filled a corner of the room and which though it was winter was filled with some beautiful flowering geraniums of all colors and some few rare myrtles in full flower
There said Edward joyfully Oh that is very easily moved—I shall get it in a minute
But you know aunt Emmeline desired us not to touch it implored Ellen clinging to his arm and the flowers are almost all Carolines Dear Edward—pray do not move it
Stuff and nonsense Ellen How is aunt to know any thing about it and what do I care about the flowers being Carolines they may be whose they like but they shall not prevent my getting my book
But it will be disobeying aunt Edward—pray pray dont you know how displeased she was with Emmeline last week for a much more trifling disobedience than this will be And if any thing should happen to the flowers Caroline will be so angry
And what do I care for Carolines anger retorted Edward impatiently My uncles indeed is something to care about and if I dont get my book and go to him directly I shall have it I dont like to disobey aunt but in this case there is no help for it I am sure I can reach it without doing any harm besides I must get my book—I can not do without it
Then only wait till aunt comes home or at least let me ask uncle if we may move it dear Edward do let me go—I will not be a minute
And so betray my being in a passion the other day and get me a reproof for that and for my carelessness into the bargain Nonsense Ellen I will get it and you must help me for I have not a moment to lose
No Edward indeed indeed I can not touch it she replied imploringly and shrinking back
Say rather you wish to get me into disgrace and perhaps prevented from going out this evening and tomorrow and Friday too exclaimed Edward irritated beyond all forbearance and the other day you were so very sorry I was going from home so soon—much you must care about me that you can not do such a trifling thing as this to oblige me I hate deceit
Ellen made no reply though the tears started to her eyes but as usual her firmness deserted her The heavy stand was carefully moved a little forward without injuring any of the plants the book was obtained and at that moment the voice of Percy was heard exclaiming—
Edward Edward what are you about papa has been expecting you the last halfhour he says if you do not come directly you will not have time to do all you wish—what can you be about
Edward did not wait to hear much more than his name but darted off leaving his sister to push back the stand Ellen felt almost sure she could not do it by herself but how was she to act To ask assistance would not only be confessing her own disobedience but inculpating her brother and really perhaps deprive him of the enjoyments he anticipated and so confirm his unkind words She tried to replace it and thought she had quite succeeded but as she moved it one of the myrtles fell to the ground and its beautiful blossom hung on the stalk preserved from being quite broken off only by three or four delicate fibers It was Carolines favorite plant one she so cherished and tended that Percy called it her petted child and poor Ellen stood paralyzed she raised the pot mechanically and rested the broken head of the flower against the still uninjured sprig and it looked so well and natural that the thought for a moment darted across her mind that after all it might not be discovered Then came all her aunts lessons of the many ways of acting an untruth without words and therefore even if it should not be discovered it was no comfort but could she dared she voluntarily confess what must appear a willful disobedience If her aunt had been at home she might in that first moment have gained the necessary courage but she was not expected back for two or three hours and Ellen sat with her face buried in her hands only conscious of misery till her cousins joyous voice called out from the hall—
Come along Nelly I have kept you long enough Tiny would never have left me quiet so long but there is no tiring your patience However I will make up for it now
And glad to escape from her own thoughts she hastily collected the various seeds and ran after him And Percy was so active so obliging so amusing in his queer ways of working and talking that she almost forgot the impending trial till she met her aunt and cousins at luncheon Edward had been so intent so happy at his business with his uncle that he had never cast a thought as to how the stand got back and after lunch he had to go for a row on the river and after dinner to attend a lecture on astronomy which that night and the one following was to be given in the townhall in T— His uncle and Percy and Herbert were to accompany him and so that he should give a thought to any thing disagreeable was not likely
The day wore on Ellens little courage had all gone and she almost unconsciously hoped that nothing would be discovered Mr Hamilton and the lads departed at six and Mrs Hamilton proposed adjourning to her daughters room to finish an entertaining book that they were reading aloud She had noticed with her usual penetration that all day Ellen evidently shrunk from her eye and felt quite sure something was wrong again but she asked no questions fearing again to tempt equivocation Carolines passionate exclamation that somebody had broken her beautiful flower drew the attention of all to the stand and one glance sufficed to tell Mrs Hamilton that it had been moved Her anxious suspicions at once connected this with Ellens shrinking manner and she turned to ask her if she knew any thing about it But Ellen had disappeared and she rang the bell and inquired of the only domestics whose department ever led them into the room if they could explain the accident But neither of them could all uniting in declaring that in the morning the myrtle was quite perfect
Ellen was at home mamma she must know something about it Percy said they did not begin gardening till more than an hour after we were gone exclaimed Caroline whose temper was sorely tried by this downfall of all her cares I dare say she did it herself—spiteful thing—and has gone to hide herself rather than confess it—it is just like her
Stop Caroline do not condemn till you are quite certain and do not in your anger say what is not true Ellen has given no evidence as yet of being spiteful or mischievous Emmeline go and tell your cousin that I want her
The child obeyed Miss Harcourt had continued working most industriously at the table without uttering a word though Mrs Hamiltons countenance expressed such unusual perplexity and pain that it would have seemed kinder to have spoken One look at Ellen convinced her aunt and she actually paused before she spoke dreading the reply almost as much as the child did the question It was scarcely audible it might have been denial it certainly was not affirmative for Miss Harcourt instantly exclaimed—
Ellen how can you tell such a deliberate falsehood I would not tell your aunt for I really wished you to have the opportunity of in some degree redeeming your disobedience but I saw you move back the stand and your sinful attempt at concealment by replacing the broken flower—and now you dare deny it
I did not replace the flower with the intention of concealing it exclaimed Ellen bursting into tears for that one unjust charge seemed to give back the power of speech though the violent reproach and invective which burst from Caroline prevented any thing further
I must beg you to be silent Caroline or to leave the room till I have done speaking to your cousin said her mother quietly the fate of your flower seems to make you forget that I have never yet permitted disrespect or any display of temper in my presence
But what right had Ellen to touch the stand
None—she has both disobeyed and again tried to deceive me faults which it is my duty to chastise but not yours to upbraid Answer me Ellen at once and briefly your fault is known and therefore all further equivocation is useless Did you move that flowerstand
Yes replied the child almost choked with sobs called forth the more from the contrast which her aunts mildness presented to Miss Harcourts harshness and Carolines violent anger and from the painful longing to say that her first disobedience was not entirely her own fault
Did you remember that I had expressly forbidden either of you to attempt to move it
Yes replied Ellen again and an exclamation at the apparent hardihood of her conduct escaped from both Miss Harcourt and Caroline
And yet you persisted Ellen this is indeed a strange contradiction to your seemingly sincere sorrow for a similar fault a few months back What did you move it for
For full a minute Ellen hesitated thus unhappily confirming the suspicion that when she did reply it was another equivocation
To get a book which had fallen behind
I do not know how a book could have fallen behind unless it had been put or thrown there Ellen you said too that you did not replace the broken flower for the purpose of concealment I hardly know how to believe either of these assertions Why did you leave the room just now
Because—because—I knew you would question me and—and—I felt I should not have courage to speak the truth—and I knew—you would be so—so displeased The words were scarcely articulate
I should have been better satisfied Ellen if your fear of my displeasure had prevented the committal of your first fault not to aggravate it so sinfully by both acted and spoken untruths Painful as it is to me in this season of festivity and enjoyment to inflict suffering I should share your sin if I did not adopt some measures to endeavor at least to make you remember and so avoid it in future I have told you so very often that it is not me you mostly offend when you speak or act falsely but God himself—who is Truth—that I fear words alone will be of no avail Go to your own room Ellen perhaps solitude and thought when your brother and cousins are so happy and unrestrained may bring you to a sense of your aggravated misconduct better than any thing else You will not leave your apartment except for the hours of devotion and exercise—which you will take with Ellis not with me—till I think you have had sufficient time to reflect on all I have said to you on this subject
Ellen quitted the room without answering but it was several minutes before Mrs Hamilton could sufficiently conquer the very painful feelings which her nieces conduct and her own compelled severity excited to enter into her daughters amusements but she would not punish them for the misconduct of another and by her exertions temper to Caroline and cheerfulness to Emmeline whose tears of sympathy had almost kept pace with Ellens of sorrow gradually returned and their book became as delightful a recreation as it had been before
Great was Edwards grief and consternation when he found the effects of what was actually in the first instance his fault but he had not sufficient boldness to say so His aunt had expressly said it was the untruth that had occasioned her greatest displeasure that if the disobedience had been confessed at once she would in consideration of the season have forgiven it with a very slight rebuke Now he thought it is only the disobedience in which I am concerned and if I confess it was mostly my fault it wont help Ellen in the least—so what is the use of my acknowledging it Of course if she wishes it I will but how could she tell such a deliberate story
That he was acting one of equal deliberation and of far more culpability if possible—for he was permitting her to bear the whole weight of his fault—never struck him if it did he did not at all understand or believe it He went to his sister and offered to confess his share in her fault and when—as he fully expected—she begged him not that it could do her no good and perhaps only get him punished too his conscience was so perfectly satisfied that he actually took upon himself to ask her how she could be so foolish and wrong as when she was asked not to allow that she had moved it at once—
It would have been all right then he said and added almost with irritation and I should not have been teased with the thought of your being in disgrace just now when I wanted so much to enjoy myself
Do not think about me then Edward was his sisters reply I know the untruth is entirely my own fault so why should it torment you if I could but always tell and act the truth and not be so very very frightened—oh how I wonder if I ever shall and she leaned her head on her arms which rested on the table so despondingly so sorrowfully that Edward felt too uncomfortable to remain with her He was satisfied that he could not help her but the disagreeable thought would come that if he had not tempted her to disobey she would have had no temptation to tell an untruth and so he sought a variety of active amusements to get rid of the feeling The continuation of the entertaining astronomical lecture too was so very delightful and Thursday and Friday morning brought so many enjoyments that he almost forgot her till startled back into selfreproach by finding that she was not to accompany them on Friday evening to Mr Howards whose great pleasure was to collect young people around him and whose soirée in the Christmas holidays and whose day in the country at midsummer were anticipated by girls and boys great and small with such delight as to pervade the whole year round Caroline never refused to join Mr Howards parties though they were juvenile and Percy always declared they were as unlike any other persons as Mr Howard was unlike a schoolmaster Ellen had so enjoyed the day in the country that timid as she was she had looked forward to Friday with almost as much delight as Emmeline
In vain Emmeline Edward Percy Herbert and even Mr Hamilton entreated that she might be permitted to go Mrs Hamiltons own kind heart pleaded quite as strongly but she remained firm
Do not ask me my dear children she said almost as beseechingly as they had implored I do assure you it is quite as much if not more pain to me on this occasion to refuse as it is for you all to be refused If it were the first second or even third time that Ellen had disregarded truth I would yield for your sakes and in the hope that the indulgence would produce as good an effect as continued severity but I can not hope this now The habit is I fear so deeply rooted that nothing but firmness in inflicting pain whenever it is committed will succeed in eradicating it God grant I may remove it at last
The tone and words were so earnest so sad that not only did her children cease in their intercession but all felt still more forcibly the solemn importance of the virtue in which Ellen had so failed from the effect of her conduct upon their mother She was always grieved when they had done wrong but they never remembered seeing her so very sad as now Edward indeed could scarcely understand this as his cousins did but as his aunt still only alluded to the untruth the qualm of conscience was again silenced for he had only caused the disobedience Emmeline asked timidly if she might remain with Ellen and Edward followed her example thinking himself very magnanimous in so doing but both were refused—and surely he had done enough
All went—Mr and Mrs Hamilton and Miss Harcourt as well as the young people and it was such a happy evening First there was the orrery that Mr Howard had prevailed on the lecturer to display first at his house and Edward was almost wild in his delight and then there were some games and intellectual puzzles that made them all think as well as enjoy and then there were some music and singing and dancing and every thing was so quiet and orderly and yet so full of youthful enjoyment that it was not much wonder there was no longer any room for a sorrowful thought in any of the young party from Oakwood Mrs Hamilton alone thought of Ellen and again and again accused herself of too great harshness for perhaps after all it might have no better effect than kindness but what could she do She almost envied the quiet unruffled unconcern of less anxious guardians but for her to feel indifferent to her responsibility was impossible Ellen was so often unwell that her absence did not occasion so much remark as her brothers or either of her cousins would Mamma did not wish her to come was the answer she had desired the children to give to any inquiries and her character for indulgence was so generally known that no one suspected any thing more than indisposition Annie Grahames dislike to Ellen might have made her more suspicious but she was not there Cecil and Lilla were with their father but Miss Grahame did not condescend to attend Mr Howards juvenile parties and Caroline though she would not have allowed it even to herself was both happier and much more inclined to enjoy herself with the amusements and society offered to her when Annie was not at a party than when she was
The next night to Ellens disposition was a greater trial than the Friday She neither expected nor hardly wished to be allowed to go to Mr Howards though as the affectionate Emmeline had come to wish her good night and with tears in her eyes repeated the regrets that she was not to go she felt the bitter disappointment more than in the morning she had thought possible but Saturday night it had been her aunts custom from the time she had been at Oakwood to visit her daughters and niece before they went to sleep and prepare them for the Sabbaths rest and enjoyment by an examination of their conduct during the past week and full forgiveness of any thing that had been wrong When younger Mrs Hamilton had attended to this duty every night but wishing to give them a habit of private prayer and selfexamination independent of her she had after Emmeline was twelve years old set apart the Saturday night until they were fifteen—old enough for her to relinquish it altogether It had been such a habit with her own children that they felt it perfectly natural but with Ellen and Edward from their never having been accustomed to it as young children she had never felt the duty understood by them or as satisfactorily performed by herself as with her own Still Ellen looked forward to this night as the termination of her banishment for great indeed was the offense whose correction extended over the Sabbath Ellen could not remember one instance since she had been at Oakwood and when she heard the doors of her cousins rooms successively close and her aunts step retreating without approaching hers she did indeed believe herself irreclaimably wicked or her kind good aunt would at least have come to her Mrs Hamilton had purposely refrained from indulging her own inclinations as well as comforting Ellen hoping still more to impress upon her how greatly she had sinned The impossibility of her perfectly comprehending her nieces character while the poor child felt it such a sacred duty to victimize herself made her far more severe than she would have been could she have known her real disposition but how was it possible she could believe Ellens grief as deep and remorseful as it seemed when a short time afterward she would commit the same faults Her task was infinitely more difficult and perplexing than less anxious mothers can have the least idea of
CHAPTER X
PAIN AND PENITENCE—TRUTH IMPRESSED AND RECONCILIATION—THE FAMILY TREE
In feverish dreams of her parents recalling both their deaths and with alternate wakefulness fraught with those deadly incomprehensible terrors which some poor children of strong imagination know so well Ellens night passed and the next morning she rose with that painful throbbing in her throat and temples which always ended with one of those intense and exhausting headaches to which which she had been so subject but which her aunts care and Mr Maitlands remedies had much decreased both in frequency and violence She went to church however with the family as usual
Remain out Edward Percy exclaimed as they neared the house the old year is taking leave of us in such a glorious mood that Tiny and I are going to ruralize and poetize till dinner—will you come with us—and you Ellen
Ellen withdrew her arm from her brothers saying as she did so—
Go dear Edward I am very tired and would rather not
Tired and with this short walk and you really do look as if you were—what is the matter Ellen you are not well
His sister did not reply but shrinking from the look which Mrs Hamilton who was passing at the moment fixed earnestly upon her she ran into the house
Edward again felt uncomfortable in fact he had done so so often since the Tuesday morning that his temper was not half so good as usual He did not choose to acknowledge even to himself that the uncomfortable feeling was selfreproach and so he vented it more than once in irritation against Ellen declaring it was so disagreeable she should be in disgrace just then
It was Mr and Mrs Hamiltons custom always to dine on Sundays at halfpast one to allow those of their household who were unable to attend divine service in the morning to go in the afternoon With regard to themselves and their children they pursued a plan which many rigid religionists might perhaps have condemned and yet its fruits were very promising Their great wish was to make the Sabbath a day of love divine and domestic to make their children look to it with joy and anticipation throughout the week as a day quite distinct in its enjoyment from any other and for this reason while their children were young they only went to church in the morning the afternoons were devoted to teaching them to know and to love God in His works as well as word and their evenings to such quiet but happy amusements and literature as would fill their young hearts with increased thankfulness for their very happy lot As they grew older they were perfectly at liberty to do as they pleased with regard to the afternoon church Herbert whose ardent desire to enter the ministry increased with his years generally spent the greater part of Sunday with Mr Howard with his parents glad and full consent The contemplation of serious things was his greatest happiness but Mr and Mrs Hamilton did not expect that all their other children were to be like him They were contented and intensely thankful also to perceive that diverse as were their characters still the constant sense of Gods presence and of His infinite love was active and earnest in them all inciting love and reverence for Herbert even though they could not sympathize with him entirely Another peculiarity of Mr Hamilton consisted in his permitting no Sunday schools at Aveling and his other villages The Saturday afternoons were set apart instead of the Sunday He wished his wife and daughters when they were old enough to superintend them and help the children in preparing for the Sunday services and Sunday enjoyments but he particularly disliked the system of overwork on a day of rest which could not fail to be the case if there were schools to attend to twice or three times a day as well as church
It being the last day of the old year Mr Howard had expressed a wish that Percy and Edward as well as Herbert should attend church that afternoon and the lads without the least reluctance consented Mr Hamilton and Miss Harcourt were going too and Caroline and Emmeline of their own accord asked permission to accompany them Ellens pale suffering face had so haunted her aunt that she could not think of any thing else and remained for a very much longer time than was usual to her character in a state of indecision The next night was her childrens ball and it was too the first day of the new year—always in her happy circle a festival of joy and thankfulness Ellens face certainly looked as if she had suffered quite enough to prevent the recurrence of her fault but so it had always done and yet before she could possibly have forgotten its consequences she failed again Mrs Hamilton sat for some time after her children had left her in meditation trying to silence the pleadings of affection and listen only to reason as to whether continued severity or returning kindness would be the more effective and save both Ellen and herself any further pain
To the child herself physical suffering was so increasing as gradually to deaden mental till at last it became so severe that she felt sick and faint She knew the medicine she was in the habit of taking when similarly suffering and the lotion which her aunt applied to her forehead and which always succeeded in removing the excessive throbbing were both in Mrs Hamiltons dressingroom but it seemed quite impossible that she could get at them for she did not like to leave her room without permission nor did she feel as if she could walk so far her head throbbing with increased violence with every step she took At length she summoned sufficient courage to ring the bell and beg Fanny to ask Ellis to come to her The girl who had been already dreadfully concerned that Miss Ellen had eaten no dinner and on Sunday too gave such an account of her that the housekeeper hastened to her directly and begged her to let her go for her mistress—it was so lucky she had not gone to church—but Ellen clung to her imploring her not
Dear dear Ellis get me the medicine and bathe my forehead yourself I shall get well then in an hour or two without giving my aunt any trouble pray pray dont tell her I scarcely feel the pain when she is nursing and soothing me but I do not deserve that now and I am afraid I never shall
But indeed Miss Ellen she will be displeased if I do not Why only the other morning she was quite concerned that I had not told her Jane was ill directly and went herself two or three times every day to see she had every thing proper and comfortable
But that is quite different dear Ellis do get the lotion I feel as if I could not bear this pain much longer without crying you can tell her afterward if you think you ought
And seeing that farther argument only increased the poor childs sufferings Ellis promised and left her Ellen leaned her forehead against the side of her little bed and held the curtain tightly clasped as if so to prevent the utterance of the hysteric sob that would rise in her throat though she did not know what it was But the wholly unexpected sound of Mrs Hamiltons voice saying close by her I am afraid you have one of your very bad headaches Ellen so startled her as to make her raise her head suddenly and the movement caused such agony that spite of all her efforts she could not prevent an almost convulsive cry of pain
My dear child I had no idea of pain like this why did you not send for me We have always prevented its becoming so very violent by taking it in time my Ellen
Miss Ellen would not let me go for you madam rejoined Ellis who to her mistresss inexpressible relief was close at hand with the remedies she wanted and she repeated what the child had said
Again your old mistake Ellen I would so much so very much rather hear you say you were resolved to deserve my love than that you did not merit it Why should you not deserve it as well as your brother and cousins if you determined with all your heart to try and not do any thing to lessen it Nothing is so likely to prevent your even endeavoring to deserve it as the mistaken fancy that you never shall but you are too unwell to listen to me now we must try all we can to remove this terrible pain and then see if we can bring back happiness too
And for above an hour did Mrs Hamilton with the most patient tenderness apply the usual remedies cheered by finding that though much more slowly than usual still by degrees the violence of the pain did subside and the hysterical affection give way to natural and quiet tears Exhaustion produced a deep though not very long sleep and after watching her some few minutes very anxiously Mrs Hamilton sat down by her bed and half unconsciously drew toward her Ellens little Bible which lay open on the table as if it had been only lately used Several loose papers were between the leaves her eyes filled with tears as she read on one of them a little prayer touching from the very childishness of the language and imperfect writing beseeching her Father in Heaven in His great mercy to forgive her sin and give her courage to speak the truth to help her not to be so frightened but to guide her in her difficult path Mrs Hamilton little guessed how difficult it was but she hoped more from the effects of her present penitence than she had done yet She had copied too several verses from the various parts of the Old and New Testament which were condemnatory of falsehood and her aunt felt no longer undecided as to her course of action
You have employed your solitary hours so well my dear Ellen she said as when the child awoke and looked anxiously toward her—she kissed her cheek with even more than her usual fondness—that I scarcely require your assurance of repentance or promises of amendment When you have taken some coffee and think you are well enough to listen to me I will read you an illustration of the fearful sin of falsehood from the Old Testament which I do not think I have yet pointed out to you Ananias and Sapphira I see you remember
And when Ellen had taken the delicious cup of coffee which her aunt had ordered should be ready for her directly she awoke and sat up though her head was still so weak it required the support of a pillow yet she seemed so revived so almost happy from the mesmeric effect of that warm fond kiss that her aunt did not hesitate to continue the lesson she was so anxious to impress while the mind and heart were softened to receive it She turned to the fourth chapter of the second book of Kings and after briefly relating the story of Naaman—for she did not wish to divert Ellens attention from the one important subject by giving any new ideas—she read from the 20th verse to the end and so brought the nature of Gehazis sin and its awful punishment at the hand of God himself for the prophet was merely an instrument of the Eternal he had no power in himself to call the disease of leprosy on his servant to Ellens mind that she never forgot it
Do you think Elisha knew where he had been and what he had done before he asked him she ventured timidly to inquire as her aunt ceased Gehazi had told a falsehood already to Naaman Do you think God punished that or his falsehood to Elisha
Most probably he punished both my love Elisha no doubt knew how his servant had been employed in his absence in fact he tells him so—and she read the 26th verse again—but he asked him whence he had come to give him an opportunity for a full confession of his first sin which then no doubt would after some slight rebuke have been pardoned It was a very great fault at first but the mercy of God was then as it is now so infinite so forgiving that had Elishas question recalled Gehazi to a sense of his great guilt and excited real repentance his punishment would have been averted But his aggravated and repeated falsehood called down on him a chastisement most terrible even to think about Leprosy was not merely a dreadful disease in itself but it cut him off from all the blessings and joys not only of social life but of domestic because as God had said it should cleave to his seed as well as to himself he could never find any one who would dare to love him and he must have been compelled to lonely misery all his life
It was a very dreadful punishment repeated Ellen fearfully
It was dearest but it was merciful notwithstanding If God had passed it by and permitted Gehazi to continue his sinful course without any check or chastisement that would recall him to a sense of better things and a wish to pursue them he might have continued apparently very happy in this life to be miserable forever in the next to be banished forever from God and His good angels and would not that have been still more dreadful than the heaviest suffering here In those times God manifested his judgments through His prophets directly That is not the case now but He has given us His word to tell us by history as well as precept those things that are pleasing to Him and those which excite His anger and which if not corrected while we are in this world will cause our condemnation when our souls appear before Him in judgment and when we can not correct them if we would Now children and even young people can not know those things as well as their parents and guardians can and if we neglect to teach them right and wrong God is more angry with us than with them as He tells Ezekiel She read from the 18th to the 22d verse of the third chapter and explained it so that Ellen could clearly understand it and then said And now my dear Ellen can you quite understand and quite feel why I have caused you so much pain and been as I dare say you have felt so very very severe
Ellens arms were round her neck in a moment and her head cradled on her bosom as her sole reply for she felt she could not speak at first without crying again
I wish I could remember that God sees me wherever I am she said after a short pause and very sadly I am so frightened when I think of any bodys anger even Carolines that I can not remember any thing else
Did you notice the Psalm we read the day before yesterday my dear Ellen in the morning lesson
The child had not and her aunt turning to the 129th read the first twelve and the two last verses carefully with her adding—
Suppose you learn one verse for me every morning till you can repeat the whole fourteen perfectly and I think that will help you to remember it my Ellen and prove to me that you really are anxious to correct yourself and now one word more and I think I shall have talked to you quite enough
Indeed indeed I am not tired dear aunt replied Ellen very earnestly I feel when you are talking to me as if I never could be naughty again Oh how I wish I never were
I am not so unconscionable as to expect you to have no faults my dear child all I wish you to attend to is more obedience to my commands I have not said any thing about your disobedience because your untruth was of still more consequence but that grieved me too for disobedience to me is also disobedience to God for He has commanded you to obey your parents and guardians as you said you remembered I had told you not to move the flowerstand I can not imagine what could have induced you so willfully to disobey me
Ellen looked up in her face with such earnest wistful eyes that Mrs Hamilton felt puzzled but as she did not speak and laid her head again on its resting place to hide the tears that rose her aunt merely added—
But as I do not wish to inflict any further pain I will not say any thing more about it only remember that though I may be displeased if you disobey me again an instant and full confession will soon gain my forgiveness and that though I will never doubt your word still if I discover another untruth it will and must oblige me to adopt still severer measures painful as it will be to myself Do not tremble so my Ellen you know you can prevent it and remember too that whenever you fail in truth you punish me as well as yourself and Mrs Hamilton fondly kissed her as she spoke
Light steps and a ringing laugh at that moment sounded in the passage and Emmeline though she certainly did ask if she might enter scarcely waited for an answer before she bounded in the very personification of health and joy
Mamma papa wants to know if we may not have tea tonight and if we may not have Ellens company too
It is New Years Eve pleaded another joyous voice and Percys brown head just intruded itself through the halfopened door and our tree will not be half enjoyable unless we are all there
I had really forgotten your tree my dear children but I am glad papa and you all have remembered it Come in Percy Ellen will I dare say admit you into her room
He raced me all round the gallery mamma declaring he would give you papas message or so take away my breath that even if I outstripped him I should not be able but I have you see sir
Only because I did not know whether it was quite proper to enter a young ladys room But do come mamma Mr Howard is with us as usual and we are all au desespoir for you and our little Ellen—she may come I can read it in your eyes
Are you well enough my love Do you think this poor little head will permit you to join us asked Mrs Hamilton anxiously for the sudden joy that gleamed in Ellens eyes at the idea of joining the family told what the disappointment would be if she could not
It does not hurt me at all if I can rest it aunt but I am afraid it will not let me walk she added sorrowfully as the attempt to walk caused it to throb again
Never mind Nelly even if you can not walk you shall make use of my pedestrian powers replied Percy joyously rest your head on my shoulder—thats it—I should make a capital nurse I declare should I not mamma
And gayly answering in the affirmative his mother could scarcely prevent a throb of pride as she looked on his fine manly face beaming with benevolent kindness on his little cousin whom he had tenderly lifted in his arms and checked his boisterous mirth and rapid stride to accommodate her
You are not quite so light as Tiny but she is all air I expect she will evaporate some day never mind your hair it does very well
Stop I will smooth it in a moment exclaimed Emmeline eagerly it is Sunday Percy she shall look well
You had better let me do it Emmy said her mother smiling your cousins head can only bear very tender handling tonight There that will do—and I am quite ready to attend you
The lights the joyous voices even her uncles kind greeting almost overpowered poor Ellen as Percy still preserving his character of an admirable nurse laid her carefully on a couch in the sittingroom where not only tea was waiting but the celebrated family tree which Mrs Hamiltons anxiety and Ellens sorrow had caused them both to forget was displayed with even more than usual taste and beauty
Mr Hamilton when young had been a great deal with his father in Germany Denmark and Sweden and brought from the first and latter country certain domestic observances which had especially pleased him as so greatly enhancing the enjoyments of home and helping to a right understanding between parents and children by increasing their mutual love and confidence The family tree or Christmas Tree as it was called was one of these and from their earliest years it had been one of the childrens greatest delights on New Years Eve Of course as they grew older and their taste improved the tree itself its suspended presents and its surrounding decorations increased in beauty and it had never been prettier than it was this year The whole of the preceding afternoon had the young artists labored in preparing it for of course as the next day was Sunday it was obliged to be all finished by the Saturday night the servants eager in all things to enhance the happiness of those whose parents made them so happy did not care what trouble they took to help them They always selected the room in which there was a very lofty and very deep oriel window in the center of which recess which was almost as large as a moderately sized room they placed the tree which was a very large gracefullycut spruce fir it was placed in a tub filled with the same soil as that in which the tree grew so that by watering and care it remained fresh for some time The tub which contained it was completely hidden by the flowering shrubs that were placed round it rising in an expanding pyramid by means of several flowerstands till the recess seemed one mass of leaf and flower among which the superb scarlet geranium that in Devonshire grows so luxuriantly all through the winter shining against its own beautiful leaf the brilliant berries of the holly with their dark glistening branches the snowberry and flowering myrtle shone preeminent Small lamps glittered through the flowers and were suspended in sufficient profusion from the pendent branches of the tree to half reveal and half hide the various gifts and treasures that were there deposited and altogether the effect from every part of the room was really striking
The tree always remained till after their ball but the interchange of gifts which took place on New Years Eve causing so many peculiarly happy and home feelings was confined to the family group Mr Howard always included Many weeks before had each individual worked at his own secret undertaking If it could not all be done in private no questions were ever asked and each helped the other to keep it at least from their parents till the eventful night itself They formed so large a party altogether as little tokens of affection between the brothers and sisters were also exchanged that the tree was quite loaded and many a time had Mr and Mrs Hamilton discovered some trait of character or some ruling fancy even in such a simple thing as the manufacture and presentation of home gifts Their own idea of family ties was so strong and so holy that one great aim in the education of their children was to make them not only love each other but have thought and attention for individual feelings and wishes and so heighten feeling by action not depend entirely on natural ties Mrs Hamilton had known many young persons who were lavish in attentions and even presents to friends but never imagined that their own home circle had the first and strongest claim to kindness whether of word or deed She knew that affections and thought lavished on comparative strangers never radiated on home but that when given to home first they shed light and kindliness far and near
Their tea was indeed a mirthful one Ellen had been very fearful of meeting Mr Howard for she thought he must have been told how naughty she had been but if he had there was nothing in his manner to say so for he shook hands with her and even kissed her most kindly and told her laughingly that she must be quite well by the next night or how was she to dance That he thought it would be a good thing if Emmeline could give her a little of her dancing mania as she hardly ever only walked even when she called herself quite sober Edward every passing thought of selfreproach banished by his sisters return to favor was in the wildest spirits Percy and Emmeline seemed to have laid a wager who could say the wittiest things and laugh the most Herbert was very quiet but looking as happy as the rest and quite entering into their mirth and showing all sorts of little gentle attentions to Ellen who had seemed to shrink from his eye more than from all the others Caroline fully entered into the spirit of the evening but neither she nor Miss Harcourt took the same notice of Ellen as the rest The person who was to act the Wizards part and by means of a long wand detach the various treasures from the tree and carry them to the owners whose names they bore was always chosen by lot and great was the delight of the young party when this night the office fell on Mr Howard No one seemed more pleased than himself performing it with such a spirit of enjoyment and originality that a general vote declared him the very choicest wizard they had ever had To enumerate all the contents of that marvelous tree would be impossible Their parents gifts to each of them were not in the tree but always given afterward but great was the delight when after a terrible tussle to detach a large roll of cloth down it came right on Mr Howards head and almost enveloped him with its folds and proved to be a beautiful cover which he had long desired for a favorite table in his drawingroom at the embroidered border of which not only the three girls but Mrs Hamilton and Miss Harcourt had all worked as a joint offering of love and respect This good man was so charmed that he declared he would not use his wand again till he had full five minutes to admire it Then there was a very pretty comfortable pair of slippers worked by Caroline and Emmeline for their father and a pair of braces worked by Ellen all accompanied by some most ludicrous but very clever verses from Percy Edward who was very ingenious had turned a very pretty stand for his uncle to put his watch in at night and manufactured two little vessels out of cork for his aunt so delicately and neatly that she promised him they should stand on the mantelpiece of her dressingroom as long as they would last Caroline had knitted her mother a very pretty bag and Emmeline and Ellen had collected for her a variety of leaves throughout the year and arranged them with great taste both as to grouping and tinting in a sort of small herbal with two or three lines of poetry selected and carefully written by each alternately attached to each page Mrs Hamilton was excessively pleased as she was also with a portfolio formed by drawings from both her boys and tastefully made up by Miss Harcourt and with their gifts to their father a correct and most beautifully written out Greek poem which Mr Hamilton had several months if not more than a year before expressed a wish to possess but the volume which contained it was so scarce and so expensive from the quantity of uninteresting matter in which the gem was buried that he had given up all thought of it Herbert however had not and never rested from the time his father spoke till he had found and copied it—a task of no small difficulty for the original was in many parts almost entirely effaced and if Herbert had not been an admirable Greek scholar and a quick imaginator as to what it ought to be Mr Howard himself had said he could not have succeeded The writing of the Greek character was most beautiful and Percy in imitation of the ancient missals had designed and painted an elegant illuminated border round it and a beautiful cover forming a thin volume so valuable their father delighted them by saying that he would not exchange it for twenty of the most precious volumes in his library Such evidences of the home influence they had given in permitting leisure for the cultivation of taste and imagination teaching them the beautiful and opening innumerable resources of enjoyment within themselves and thence allowing them to enhance the pleasures of others were indeed most gratifying to those earnest and affectionate guardians From their earliest years they had been taught that to give the greatest amount of pleasure to their parents their gifts must be all or at least have something in them of their own workmanship and to enable them to do this the lads had been taught in their hours of recreation to use all sorts of tools visiting and knowing something of a variety of handicrafts and the girls to work and draw and even bring the stores of Nature to their aid when needed as in the present case with Emmeline and Ellens tasteful gift
Our young readers must call upon their own imagination as to the other treasures of this valuable tree for as they would no doubt like to know what sort of New Years gifts Mr and Mrs Hamilton had in store for their children for Miss Harcourt too for they never omitted her we really must not linger round it any longer Poor Ellen indeed had the pain of feeling that her fault and its consequences had prevented the completion of her purse for Percy and a chain for Edward and her cheek burned very painfully when Mr Howard after exhausting the tree exclaimed—
Nothing from Ellen for Percy and Edward Young gentlemen have you been receiving any gifts in secret—out with them if you have—it is against all law and propriety
We shall receive them next week most potent conjuror as you ought to have known without inquiring answered Percy directly and bending over Ellen by whom he chanced to be standing he said kindly Never mind Nelly you will have time to finish them both next week
Do not say never mind my dear boy though I admire and sympathize in your kind care of your cousins feelings said his mother in the same low tone as only to be heard by him and Ellen Mr Howard was very quicksighted and he took Percys jest and turned off all farther notice of his words Even such a little thing as this in Ellens case is pain and can only be felt as such we do not lessen it by denying it my Ellen do we
I would rather feel it if it would help me to remember was Ellens earnest and humble reply adding but I thank you dear Percy—you are so kind
Not a bit was his laughing answer Why what in the world is this he added I thought the tree was exhausted
So it is but this was hid at its root replied Mr Howard and though it is directed to Caroline it is somewhat too heavy for my wand and must reach her in a more natural way
Why it is my flower my own beautiful flower or one exactly like it at least exclaimed Caroline joyfully as removing a hollow pyramid of green and white paper a myrtle was discovered of the same rare kind and almost in as beautiful flower as the one whose death had caused such increased coldness in her feelings toward Ellen How did it come who could have procured it for me
Ellis sent for it at my request dear Caroline answered Ellen She said they were to be purchased from the gardener at Powderham and if it were possible to send any one so far she would endeavor to get one for me she told me yesterday she had succeeded and I thought she gave it you as I begged her directly I had no opportunity to tell you before but I was so very very sorry I had hurt your flower
Ellis was very wise to put it among the pretty things of this evening instead of obeying you said her uncle kindly and I really am glad that your great desire to replace it made her think of sending for it for though I meant to have given Caroline another I had so many things on my mind this week that it escaped me and I know they are so much sought for Wilson has scarcely ever one on hand
Indeed papa you were much too kind to think about it at all said Caroline very earnestly I am afraid if you knew how very cross and unkind the loss of the other made me you would have withdrawn your idea of such indulgence I am very much obliged to you Ellen she continued much more cordially than she had yet spoken to her cousin I did not deserve it even from you for I worked myself into such an illtemper as almost to believe you did it purposely and I had no right to think that
It did indeed bear out its language that pretty flower for with this one coldness removed—though Mrs Hamiltons trembling heart dared not hope it would be lasting—love now reigned preeminent Every happy feeling increased when in the presents from their parents each recognized something that had been wished for though they never remembered expressing it Mr and Mrs Hamilton were always united in these New Years gifts though tokens of approval or occasional indulgences were often given separately There were a set of most beautiful engravings for Percy which for the last three or four months he had been most anxious to possess but with the recollection of former folly very fresh in his memory he had actually succeeded in driving them from his mind and gave them up as unattainable till he was richer at least For Herbert there was a fine edition of the Greek tragedians in their original as beautiful a work of art in its getting up as Percy called it as its letterpress which to Herbert was beyond all price Edward was almost wild as his uncle and aunt telling him he was fourteen next March and might not be with them next New Years eve presented him with a treasure coveted beyond all other a gold watch His fathers had been given by his mother as a parting gift to Captain Cameron Mr Howard declared that it was much too good for a sailor and would be lost his first voyage he had much better hand it over to the Rectory promising to take every care of it but looking so mischievous Edward vowed it should not get near his hand For Caroline was a most complete and elegantly fittedup embroiderybox which quite charmed her for it was exactly like if not more tasteful and complete than one Annie Grahame had brought from London and which she had wondered Caroline could exist without As Mr and Mrs Hamilton found that she could not only comfortably exist but much as she admired and had at first so coveted it as to have a hard battle with discontent she had never even hinted that it might be useful As they perceived that her mind was so happily engrossed by the idea of the pleasure her gifts would bestow as not to cast a thought upon Annies superior box they indulged themselves and their child and were more than repaid by the beaming look of delight with which it was received For Emmeline was a parcel almost as large as herself Percy declared A drawingbox all to yourself Tiny Thank goodness My chalks and pencils have some chance of being let alone I really ought to thank mamma and papa quite as much if not more than you considering that in giving you a new possession they have preserved me an old one which I began to suspect would desert me piece by piece What more he continued laughing at his sisters almost scream of delight as she undid the covering of a book and found it to be the complete poem of the Lady of the Lake extracts of which she had read in the reviews and so reveled in them child as she was as to commit them all to memory with scarce an effort only longing to know the whole story
And now Nelly what is your secret still larger than Tinys what can it be Come guess I have you in my power for you are not strong enough to race me as Em would and so I will be more merciful What of all things would you like the best—one two three guesses and then Ill relieve you I want to know if papa and mamma have looked into your secret chamber of wishes as they have done in all of ours
Do not be afraid of guessing Ellen you are so very quiet that your secret chamber of wishes as Percy calls it is more concealed than any of the others said her uncle smiling I am always obliged to refer to your aunt
Come Nell speak or I will indict you as unworthy of any thing What did you say a desk Hurrah then there it is and what a beauty—rosewood and motherofpearl—just fitted for an elegant young lady How could mamma have found out so exactly You have used the old shabby thing Herbert lent you as quietly and contentedly as if there could not be a better Do let us examine it and he dragged a table to her sofa and displayed to the delighted child all its fittingsup and its conveniences and the pretty penholder and pencilcase and fancy wafers and sealingwax and a little gold seal with her own name and every thing that could possibly be thought of And even a secret drawer exclaimed Percy quite proud of the discovery Do look Ellen why you can keep all sorts of secrets there for no one would be as clever as I am to find out the spring without being told and of course I should not betray it and he laughingly sent away every body while he explained to Ellen the spring For some little while longer did the young party examine and reexamine and talk of their own and each others treasures And then Mr Hamilton bade them remember that though it was New Years Eve it was Sunday evening too1 and that he had deferred the hour of evening prayer till ten that they might have time to keep both and so not lose the sacred music which was always part of their Sunday recreation to put away their things and adjourn to their musicroom And he was obeyed in a very few minutes for though they might have preferred lingering and talking where they were what exertion could be too great for those who so thought of so cared for them
Returning happiness had had such a beneficial effect that though Ellen still looked pale enough for her aunt not to feel quite comfortable about her she could walk without any return of pain and in one or two hymns even join her voice with her cousins though it was weaker than usual However small in appearance the talent for music still Mrs Hamilton cultivated it in her boys as well as her girls simply for the sake of giving them home resources and amusements that could be pursued together she thought it such a mistaken notion in education to imagine that only perfection was worth attaining in the fine arts and that if there were not talent enough for that it was better not attempted Many a home might have envied the feelings with which old and young to the lowest domestics sought their pillows that night for Mr and Mrs Hamilton so lavish in their indulgence to their children never forgot that for their domestics and retainers there were also claims on New Years Eve and the servants hall and every cottage which called Mr Hamilton landlord had vied in happiness with his own
Mrs Hamilton had visited Ellen the last thing to see that she was quite comfortable and that there was no return of pain and she was almost startled and certainly still more bewildered as to how such a depth of feeling could exist with such a real childish liability to error and why it should be so carefully concealed by the way in which Ellen clung to her as she bent over her to wish her good night with the same unrestrained affection as her own Emmeline did so often with the only difference that with the latter it seemed always to spring from the very exuberance of happiness which could only be thus displayed With Ellen this night it appeared like some deep quiet feeling almost of devotion and as if—though Mrs Hamiltons sober reason tried to persuade her imagination that it was too much meaning to attach to a mere embrace—she would thus tell her how intensely she felt not only the indulgence of that evening but the true kindness and watchful love which had caused the preceding sorrow She might have thought as no doubt many of our readers will that Ellen was much too young and too childish to contrast her system of treatment with her poor mothers that she felt her soothing care in her hours of physical suffering—her indulgent love making no distinction between her and her cousins—still the more keenly and gratefully from the recollection of her own mothers constant preference of Edward and utter neglect of her and that this contrast so deepened the love she bore her aunt that it exceeded in intensity even that borne toward her by her own children—Adults will think this all very fanciful and perhaps interesting but wholly improbable Mrs Hamilton herself would have banished the idea as too imaginary to be entertained seriously for a moment as any guide for her conduct Ellen herself could not have explained or told herself that so she felt and yet notwithstanding all we have written was there and was the real prompter of that almost passionate embrace
Bless you my darling was Mrs Hamiltons fond reply instead of permitting the child to perceive the surprise it excited in herself and Ellen sunk to sleep almost more happy than ever in her little life she had felt before
CHAPTER XI
THE CHILDRENS BALL
If the thought of their promised ball were the first that entered the minds of the young party at Oakwood as they opened their eyes on New Years day it was not very unnatural Percy gloried in the anticipation of being master of the ceremonies and in conducting the whole affair with such inimitable grace and gallantry that every one should declare it was far superior to any party old or young of the season except Mr Howards that was beyond him he said for he could not put Mr Howards head on his shoulders Herbert anticipated the enjoyment of Mary Grevilles society talking to and dancing with her undisturbed and to hearing the almost universal remark what a sweet girl she was Edward did not exactly know what he expected but he was in such a mood of hilarity and mischief that the servants all declared Master Fortescue was mazed To Caroline their ball was almost always though unconfessedly the happiest evening in the year She knew she was handsome—Annie Grahame had told her how very much she would be admired in London and that if she were not her very dearest friend she should envy her beauty terribly She often in secret longed painfully for admiration and homage and child as she still was in years yet at her own house and as Mr Hamiltons eldest daughter in addition to her real attractions she always received both in sufficient measure as to satisfy even herself She delighted in those evenings when it so chanced that her brothers had young friends with them making no hesitation in confessing that she very much preferred conversing with boys than with girls there was so much more variety more spirit and though her mothers heart would actually tremble at the fearful ordeal which an introduction to the pleasures of the world would be to such a character still she would not check the open expression of such sentiments by reproving them as wrong and not to be encouraged She knew that though education might do much very much it could not make natural characters all alike nor in fact did she wish it She did not grieve and complain that with all her efforts she could not make Caroline give her as little trouble and anxiety as Emmeline nor did she imagine that she should see the effect of her earnest prayers and cares all at once or without constant relapses in the cherished object of her care She did all she could to counteract a tendency which situated as she would be when she entered life must without some strong high principle lead to suffering and perhaps to sin—for what is coquetry But she indulged in no idea of security never believed that because she had so tried so striven to sow the good seed it could not fail to bring forth good fruit She knew many trials might be in store for her for how might she hope to pass through life blessed as she was then It might please her Father in Heaven to try her faith and duty through those she loved so intensely but if she failed not in her task he would bring her joy at last
To Emmeline the idea of dancing was quite enough to be the acme of enjoyment The only drawback was that in the intervals of rest there was to be a little music and though her mother had excused her at Mr Howards she knew that if anybody expressed a wish to hear her at her own house play she must and at those times she was half sorry she had chosen to learn the harp instead of the piano as Caroline played so well on the latter instrument nobody would care to hear her but the harp was rather a novelty and no little girl who was coming played it and so she was sadly afraid there was no escape for her and that was very disagreeable but she would not think about it till the time came the dancing to such music as that which Mr Hamilton had ordered from Plymouth was joy enough
Ellen though rather afraid of so many strangers could not resist the general contagion of anticipated enjoyment She did not indeed wake with the thought of the ball but with the determination to learn the verse of the Psalm her aunt had pointed out and go and say it to her in her dressingroom before she went down And as the first verse was very short she learned two and repeated them without missing a word and so as if she quite understood them that her aunt was very much pleased and then Ellen could think of and join her brothers and cousins delight even though Mrs Hamilton was obliged to be what she called very cruel but what Ellen knew was very kind though it did seem a restraint and keep her very quiet all day instead of letting her run about from room to room as Emmeline and Edward and even Percy did for fear of another headache and so well did quietness succeed that she looked and was unusually well and so was almost lively by the evening
Just before dinner Percy who had gone to ride because he said he was sure he should get into some scrape if he did not give a natural vent to his spirits galloped back in company with a gentleman whose presence seemed to occasion him still greater excitement
Where is my mother and is my father at home he asked impatiently flinging his horses rein to Robert desiring him to take every care of the gentlemans horse as he should not let him leave Oakwood that night and rushing across the hall threw open the door of their common sittingroom and exclaimed—
Mother give me a vote of thanks and praise for my invincible eloquence—Here is this anchorite this monk of the moor who when I first encountered him seemed so doughty a denier of my wishes actually conquered—led a slave to your feet reward me by throwing all the fascinations you possibly can in his way that he may only dream of his cold ride and desolate cottage on Dartmoor tonight
Be quiet madcap replied Mrs Hamilton rising with very evident pleasure and coming forward with extended hand your noisy welcome will not permit mine to be heard This is indeed a pleasure Mr Morton she added addressing the young clergyman with that earnest kindness which always goes to the heart and one that Mr Hamilton will most highly appreciate—if as I trust the chains my son has thrown over you are not so heavy as to become painful
I should rather fear the pain will be in casting them off Mrs Hamilton not in the wearing them replied Mr Morton almost sadly it is the knowledge that mingling as often in your home circle as Mr Hamilton and my friend Percy desire would wholly unfit me for the endurance of my loneliness that keeps me so aloof believe me Inclination would act a very different part but there was no resisting such eloquence and such happiness as his today he continued more gayly
And Mr Hamilton and Herbert entering as he spoke their greeting was quite as warm and eager as Percys and his mothers and Mr Morton gave himself up for the evening at least to enjoyment His own generous nature had been particularly struck by Percys manly conduct with regard to his satire and different as were their characters a warm friendship from that moment commenced between them It was impossible to resist Percys warmheartedness of word and deed and that he would sometimes leave his luxurious home and stay two or three days with Mr Morton seeming actually to enjoy the rude cottage and its desolate localities and spread such a spirit of mirth within and around that it was no wonder the afflicted young man looked to his society as almost his greatest pleasure especially as he felt he dared not too often accept Mr Hamiltons continuallyproffered invitation Oakwood was the home which had been his beau idéal for long years but which now seemed wholly unattainable He felt himself doomed to solitude and suffering and the struggle for content and cheerfulness was always more painful after he had been with his friends
When all preparations for the evening were concluded even the respective toilets completed Percy and Emmeline found it impossible to resist trying the spring as they called it of the oaken floors whence the carpets had been removed and amused themselves by waltzing in the largest circle they could make The beautiful suite of rooms were all thrown open and perceiving Caroline standing by the piano in an adjoining apartment Percy called out—
Play us a waltz Caroline theres a love the very liveliest you can find Tiny and I want to try the boards while we can enjoy them to perfection that is when we are the only persons in the room
You must excuse me Percy she replied somewhat pettishly I should think you would have dancing enough in the course of the evening and what will our friends think if they come and find me playing
Think why that you are very obliging which at present you are not answered Percy laughing never mind Emmy let us try what our united lungs will do
You may if you like Percy but really I am not clever enough to dance and sing at the same time—I should have no breath left was her as joyous rejoinder
Come and dance Caroline if you will not play exclaimed Edward who after decorating his buttonhole with a sprig of holly seemed seized with Percys dancingmania Do give me an opportunity of practicing the graces before I am called upon to display them
My love of dancing is not so great as to attempt it without music so practice by yourself Edward was Carolines quick reply
Without spectators you mean Lina observed her brother very dryly and as Emmeline begged him not to tease her he asked—
What has put her in this illhumor Emmy
Oh I dont know exactly but if you let her alone she will soon recover it
Well to please you I will for you look so pretty tonight I can not resist you
Take care Percy if you try to turn my head with such speeches I shall go to Edward and punish you by not waltzing with you said his little sister shaking her head at him with a comic species of reproach
Thats right Emmy do not take flattery even from a brother said her father coming forward with a smile but will you not tire yourself by dancing already
Oh no papa I feel as if I could dance all night without stopping
Not with me Emmeline rejoined Percy shrugging his shoulders with horror at the idea I should cry you mercy before one half the time had elapsed
But if you are not to be tired will you not spoil your dress and disorder all these flowing curls continued Mr Hamilton and surely that will be a great misfortune
Indeed it will not papa Percy has surely too much regard for me to willfully hurt my frock and if my hair should be so troublesome as to get out of order Fanny will rearrange it in a few minutes
If you wish to cause alarm on that score my dear father said Percy with marked emphasis You must go to Caroline not to Emmeline Thank goodness I have one sister above such petty misfortunes
Are you not too hard upon Caroline Percy
Yes papa he is indeed do not mind what he says answered Emmeline very eagerly but Percy said impetuously—
I am not Emmeline I would lay any wager that some thing has gone wrong with her dressing tonight and so made her pettish Her frock is not smart enough or she does not wear the ornaments she wished or some such thing
Caroline had fortunately quitted the musicroom or this speech would not have tended to restore her serenity but before Mr Hamilton could reply Edward who had been to seek Ellen burst into the room exclaiming—
Now Percy we may have a proper waltz aunt Emmeline says we may have just one before any one comes and here she is to play for us and Ellen for my partner and they enjoyed it in earnest Mr Hamilton watched them for a few minutes and then went to seek his elder girl
She was alone in a little room prepared for refreshments tastefully arranging some beautiful flowers in a bouquet She looked up as he entered and so smiled that her fond father thought Percy must be wrong for there certainly seemed no trace of illtemper
Why are you not with your brothers and sister in the drawingroom my dear and why did you just now refuse your brother such a trifling favor as playing a waltz he asked but so kindly that Caroline though she blushed deeply instantly replied—
Because papa my temper was not quite restored I went into the musicroom to try mammas remedy of solitude for a few minutes but Percy spoke to me before I had succeeded I know I answered him pettishly but indeed papa she added looking up earnestly in his face indeed he is very provoking sometimes
I know he is my love he does not always know how to time his jokes or to make sufficient allowance for dispositions not exactly like his own but tell me what first occasioned temper so to fail that solitude was necessary
Carolines blush became still deeper and she turned away her head saying very hesitatingly—
For such a very very silly reason papa that I do not like to tell you
Nay my dear do not fear that I shall either laugh at or reproach you If you feel yourself how very silly it was I am not afraid of its gaining too great ascendency even if you fail again
It was only—only—that I was not quite satisfied with the dress mamma desired me to wear tonight papa that was all indeed
You wished perhaps to wear a smarter one my love replied her father kissing her glowing cheek so affectionately that the pain of her confession was instantly soothed but indeed I think mamma has shown a much better taste It requires more care than you are yet perhaps aware of to dress so exactly according to our age and station as to do ourselves justice and yet excite no unpleasant feelings in those of a lower and no contempt in those of a higher grade Many of our friends who are coming tonight could not afford to dress their children as we might ours and do you not think it would be both inhospitable and unkind by being overdressed to excite any unpleasant feeling of inferiority in their minds when actually none exists for difference of fortune alone can never constitute inferiority I am wizard enough to guess that was mammas reason for your being attired so simply and yet so prettily tonight and equally wizard enough to guess your reason for wishing to be smarter—shall I tell it you he added playfully Because you fancy Miss Grahame will be attired in such a very fashionable London costume that yours will appear so very plain and so childish I see by that conscious smile I have guessed correctly but indeed I would not exchange my dear ingenuous Caroline even were she attired in the cottagers stuff frock for Annie Grahame did she bring worlds as her dowry And as you like ornaments wear this he added tastefully twining a superb sprig of scarlet geranium in the rich dark hair that shaded Carolines noble brow and if mamma inquires tell her your father placed it there as a token of his approbation for temper conquered and truth unhesitatingly spoken—spite of pain
Carolines brilliant eye sparkled with a more delightful sense of pleasure than any triumph of dress could have bestowed and in answer to her fathers inquiry for whom she had arranged such a beautiful bouquet she said—
It is for mamma dear papa—Emmeline is always before me but I think the idea of tonights enjoyment has so bewildered her that she has forgotten it so I may just have time to present it before any one comes and she hastened with her father to the drawingroom where she found Mrs Greville and her two children for Alfred was at home for a few months in addition to Mr Morton and their own family group and the young clergyman could not but admire the natural grace with which Caroline after warmly welcoming her guests presented her flowers to her mother It was a very little thing but the joys and griefs of home are almost all made up of little things and Mrs Hamilton was pleased not from the attention alone but that it proved trifling as it was that the annoyance and discontent which her command had occasioned in her child had left no unkind feeling behind them and the manner with which she received it made Caroline very happy for she had inwardly feared her illtemper not only deserved but had excited her mothers displeasure
Emmelines look of disappointment and selfreproach at her own unusual forgetfulness was so irresistibly comic that Percy and Edward burst into an immoderate fit of laughter which the former only checked to ask Caroline where she had been and what she had done to produce such an extraordinary change for the better in her appearance in so short a time
Oh you have no right to my secrets Percy was her perfectly goodhumored reply I do not think I shall answer you except by having the charity to refer you to papa who has produced the change
By means of this pretty flower then I imagine said Mrs Hamilton its power I do not pretend to know but the taste with which it is placed might vie with that of the most fashionable artiste of the metropolis Mrs Greville do unite with me in congratulating Mr Hamilton on his new accomplishment
The rapid succession of arrivals prevented any further remark and very speedily the inspiring sound of the beautiful music which was stationed in a sort of antechamber between the drawingroom and ballroom removed any thing like stiffness or reserve which the younger guests might have at first experienced among themselves After two or three quadrilles the spirit of enjoyment seemed to reign alone not only among the dancers themselves but even those who sat out and talked either from preference or because the sets were full Percy his brother and cousin were so active so universal in their attention and politeness that all had the same measure of enjoyment there was no sitting down four or five times consecutively for any one and therefore neither weariness nor dissatisfaction Where there is a great desire in the givers of a party to make every one as happy as themselves and thoroughly to enjoy it they seldom fail to succeed And there was such a variety of amusements in the various rooms that were thrown open suitable for all ages—from the mammas and papas to the youngest child that it was scarcely possible to feel any thing but pleasure Very many sets had been formed and danced before the Grahame family appeared and as Caroline glanced at her friend and even at her little sister it required a very vivid recollection of her fathers words to prevent a feeling of false shame while Annie looked at Emmeline and even her favorite Caroline for a few minutes with almost contempt
People talk so very much of Mrs Hamiltons taste she thought but she can have none in dress thats certain—why no one could distinguish her daughters from the poorest gentlemans here—But no one can mistake my rank Thank goodness there is not a dress like mine—how it will be envied
If looks were evidence of envy Annie had them to her hearts content but how would she have been mortified could she have read the secret meaning of those looks the contrast drawn between the manners and appearance of Lady Helens daughters and those of the Honorable Mrs Hamilton Lady Helen herself indeed when she saw Caroline and Emmeline was quite provoked that she had been so weak as to permit and even encourage Annie to select her own and her sisters costume
You are so late said Mrs Hamilton as she came forward to greet them that I almost gave you up fearing I dont exactly know what I do hope nothing unpleasant has occasioned it
Oh no was Mr Grahames reply and it was almost bitter only Miss Grahame was so dreadfully afraid of being unfashionably early that her mother did not choose to come before—indeed my patience and my little Lillas was so exhausted that we thought of leaving Cecil to be their beau and coming alone an hour ago Lady Helens look of entreaty at Mrs Hamilton was answered by her saying directly—
I suppose Annie was thinking of her London parties and forgot how completely Gothic we are as to hours and every thing else in Devonshire But you must try and forget such superior pleasures tonight my dear girl she added jestingly though the young lady felt it rather uncomfortably as earnest or I fear you will find but little amusement Alfred Greville at that moment came to claim Annie as his partner and she gladly joined him for though Mrs Hamilton had certainly no taste in dress she never felt quite at her ease in her presence Cecil and Lilla were soon provided with little partners and dancing with much more real delight than their sister
It was scarcely possible for any one much less a parent to look at Caroline that night without admiration She was so animated so graceful so pleasing and as such completely the center of attraction and really without any effort on her part to all the gentlemen young or old in the room The lads congregated round her and it was rather a difficult task to keep clear of offense when so very many more entreated her to dance than the length of the evening permitted but she managed to talk to all and yet not to neglect any of her own sex for she always refused to dance if she fancied her being in a quadrille prevented any couple who had not danced so much and at those times contrived to conciliate five or six instead of only one Emmeline took charge of the younger children often refusing to dance with older boys who would have made her much pleasanter partners that she might join the little quadrille and set them all right
I am really glad to see Ellen among us tonight and seeming truly to enjoy herself said Mrs Greville addressing Mrs Hamilton who was standing rather apart at the moment watching Caroline with such mingled feelings of pride and dread that she was quite glad when her friends voice disturbed her train of thought She looked so ill in church yesterday that I half feared we should not see her I told her I was quite grieved that she was too unwell to be at Mr Howards last Friday and—
What did she say inquired Mrs Hamilton anxiously
That it was not illness which prevented her but she looked so confused and pained that I changed the subject directly and the smile soon came back
You touched on a very painful theme replied Mrs Hamilton with real relief Ellen and I were not quite as good friends as we usually are last week and my poor little girl felt my severity more than I imagined or meant I gave her to your dear Marys especial care tonight for she is so timid that left quite to herself I was afraid it would be more pain than pleasure Mary has taken my hint most admirably for Ellen seems quite happy
It would be rather hard if your little nieces were the only sad face in this scene of enjoyment surely if ever there were happiness without alloy it is here
If you think so Mrs Greville you will agree with my friend Morton who has just been half poetizing half philosophizing on this scene said Mr Hamilton joining them with the young clergyman leaning on his arm He says there is something singularly interesting in watching the countenances and movements of children and in tracing the dawnings of respective characters
You are not one of those then who think childhood a mere negative species of existence rejoined Mrs Greville
Indeed I do not there is much more pleasure to me in watching such a scene than a similar one of adults It is full of that kind of poetry which from the beauty and freshness of the present creates a future of happiness or sorrow good or evil as something in each countenance seems dimly to foretell How many will be the longing thoughts thrown back in after years upon tonight
Do you think then childhood the happiest season of life
He answered in the affirmative but Mr Hamilton shook his head
I differ from you my good friend he said Childhood feels its griefs as bitterly as those of maturer years We are apt to think it was all joy in the retrospect perhaps because it has not the anxiety and cares of riper years but sorrow itself is felt as keenly From reason not being perfectly formed the difficulty to control selfwill to acquiesce in the to them incomprehensible wishes of parents or guardians the restraint they are often compelled to use must be all trials even to wellregulated children and to those subject to the caprices of weakness indolence neglect indulgence at one time and tyranny at another feelings disbelieved in and therefore never studied or soothed—the little heart thrown back upon itself—Morton believe me these are trials as full of suffering and as hard to be endured as those which belong to manhood
You may be right replied Morton but do you not think there is an elasticity in childhood which flings off sorrow and can realize happiness sooner than older years
Undoubtedly and most happy it is that they are so constituted else what would become of them if their susceptibilities for either joy or sorrow are equally quick If the former did not balance the latter how would their tender frames and quick affections bear their burden The idea that childhood is in itself the happiest season in life is so far mischievous that it prevents the necessary care and watchfulness which alone can make it so But we must not philosophize any more for it has made us all grave I see my wife is addressing Miss Grahame and I think it is for music Come Morton take Mrs Greville to the musicroom and woo melody instead of poetry for the next half hour Miss Grahame promises to be a very fair musician so you will be charmed
They adjourned to the musicroom where Percy had already gallantly conducted Annie and several of the guests young and old seconded the move Annie Grahame really played remarkably well so far as execution and brilliancy were concerned and Mrs Hamilton was delighted at the expression of Grahames face as he listened to his child and the applause she excited Why will he not try to win his homeaffections she thought when he is so formed to enjoy them and why why has Helen so indolently so foolishly cast away her happiness was the thought that followed at the contrast which Lady Helens face presented to her husbands she knew Annie played well she had heard it from very superior judges and how could it concern her what the present company thought
A very pretty vocal duet from the two sisters followed and soon afterward Caroline approached the musicstand near which Percy and Mr Morton were talking and Percy with his usual love of provoking exclaimed—
You surely are not going to play after Miss Grahame Caroline If your powers deserted you a few hours ago and prevented the execution of a waltz they would certainly do you a charity in deserting you completely now
Carolines cheek burned but she answered with spirit—
Mamma desired me to oblige my friends Percy and she would not do so if she thought I should disgrace myself or her
Do not heed your brother Miss Hamilton interposed Mr Morton taking the music from her and offering her his arm to lead her to the piano I have had the pleasure of hearing you often and those who can not find an equal if not superior charm in your playing to Miss Grahames do not deserve to listen
Nay you must be flattering Mr Morton think of Annies advantages
Indeed my dear Miss Hamilton yours exceed hers no masters heart is in his pupils progress as a mothers in her childs even should she not teach but merely superintend
Caroline was seated at the instrument as he spoke and there was something in his few words touching a right chord for as she began to play she certainly thought more of her mother than any one else and determined if possible that others should think with Mr Morton forgetting at the moment that very few except their own immediate circle knew whose pupil she was not imagining that the mistress of Oakwood and its large possessions could have time or inclination for any part of the education of her daughters Morton was certainly right as to the amount of admiration equaling if not surpassing that bestowed on Miss Grahame there was a soul a depth of expression and feeling in Carolines far simpler piece that won its way to the heart at once and if it did not surprise as much it pleased more and excited an earnest wish to listen to her again
Does not your younger daughter play inquired a lady who had been much attracted with Emmeline
Very little compared with her sister replied Mrs Hamilton she is not nearly so fond of it and therefore does not devote so much time to its acquirement just yet
Do you think it right to permit children to follow their own inclinations with regard to their education asked another rather sternlooking lady with much surprise
Only with regard to their accomplishments my Emmeline is as fond of drawing as Caroline is of music and therefore I indulge her by permitting her to give more time to the one than to the other
But do you think natural taste can be traced so early that it can be distinguished from idleness or perverseness
Indeed I do replied Mrs Hamilton earnestly If a child be allowed leisure to choose its own pursuits and not always confined to the routine of a schoolroom natural taste for some employment in preference to another will I think always display itself Not that I would depend entirely on that because I think it right and useful to cultivate a taste for all the fine arts only giving more time to that which is the favorite My niece has shown no decided taste for any particular pursuit yet but I do not neglect the cultivation of accomplishments on that account if in a few years a preference manifests itself it will be quite time enough to work hard at that particular branch
Is that pretty little harp used by either of your daughters inquired the first speaker It looks very much as if it were the especial property of my engaging little friend
Your guess is correct replied Mrs Hamilton smiling Emmeline was quite sure she should hate music if she must learn the great ugly piano If she might only have a harp she would do all she could to learn and she really has
And may we not hear her
When the room is not quite so full she has not half her sisters confidence and so large an audience would frighten away all her little powers but I will promise you a very sweet song instead she added as Herbert approached and eagerly whispered some request That is if my persuasions can prevail on my young friend Mrs Greville must I ask your influence or will mine be enough
What with Mary I rather think your request in this case will be of more weight than mine and a few minutes afterward Mrs Hamilton led the blushing timid girl in triumph to the piano Her voice which was peculiarly sweet and thrilling though not strong trembled audibly as she commenced but Herbert was turning over the leaves of her music his mother was standing close beside her and after the first few bars her enthusiastic spirit forgot the presence of all save those she loved and the spirit of her song
Mrs Hamilton never listened to and looked at her at such moments without a trembling foreboding she vainly struggled to overcome There was something in those deep blue earnest eyes the hectic color that with the least exertion rose to her cheek the transparency of complexion the warm and elevated spirit the almost angel temper and endurance in her peculiarly tried lot that scarcely seemed of earth and never was that sad foreboding stronger than at that moment as she looked round the crowd of young and happy faces and none seemed to express the same as Marys She could scarcely command her voice and smile sufficiently to warmly thank her young favorite as she ceased but Mary was more than satisfied by the fond pressure of her hand
This little interruption to the actual business of the evening only increased the zest and enjoyment when dancing recommenced Even the call to supper was obeyed with reluctance and speedily accomplished that they might return the sooner to the ballroom The hours had worn away it seemed on gossamerwings and as each happy child felt assured that the delight could not last much longer the longing to dance to the very last moment seemed to increase Emmelines excitable spirit had thrown off all alloy for it was quite impossible any one would think of asking her to play now she had arranged all the remaining couples—for the room had begun very much to thin—for the favorite haymakers country dance2 and accepting Edward as her own partner and being unanimously desired to take the top led off her young friends with such spirit and grace and so little semblance of fatigue that it certainly appeared as if she would verify her own words and dance all night
Miss Grahame had declared it was much too great a romp and declined joining it Caroline who would have enjoyed it more out of politeness to her friend than inclination sat down with her and a cheerful group of some of the older lads and one or two young ladies joined them Herbert and Mary finding the quadrille for which they were engaged changed to a dance for which though they had quite the spirit they had not the physical strength enjoyed a quiet chat instead and Ellen seated herself by her favorite Mary declining from fatigue Alfred Grevilles entreaty that she would second Emmeline
I declare I could dance myself with that merry group exclaimed Mr Grahame after watching them some time and all his austerity banished by the kindly spirit of the evening Mrs Hamilton Mrs Greville do one of you take pity on me and indulge my fancy
Both ladies laughingly begged to be excused offering however to introduce him to a partner
No it must be one of you or none at all That little sylph of yours Mrs Hamilton seems inclined to dance for you and herself too What a pretty couple she and that handsome cousin of hers make And there goes my little Lilla—I do hope I may have one really happy child What tired Percy—compelled to give up—absolutely exhausted
Indeed I am answered Percy who had waltzed his partner very cleverly out of the line and after giving her a seat threw himself on a large ottoman
Mother if you do not put a stop to Emmelines proceedings her strength will entirely fail and down she and Edward will go and the rest follow just like a pack of cards Do pray prevent such a catastrophe for I assure you it is not in the least unlikely
The gravity with which he spoke caused a general laugh but Mrs Hamilton feeling by the length of time the fatiguing dance had lasted there was really some truth in his words desired the musicians to stop causing an exclamation of regret and disappointment from many youthful lips and Emmeline and Edward ran up to her to entreat that they might go on little longer Mrs Hamilton however refused and Edward yielded directly but Emmeline was so much excited that obedience was most unusually difficult and when her mother desired her to sit down quietly for ten minutes and then come to the musicroom as Mrs Allan most particularly wished to hear her play before she left she answered with more petulance than she was at all aware of—
I am sure I can not play a note now—it will be no use trying
Emmeline exclaimed her mother adding gravely I am afraid you have danced too much instead of not enough
The tone still more than the words was enough poor Emmeline was just in that mood when tears are quite as near as smiles her own petulance seemed to reproach her too and she suddenly burst into tears Many exclamations of sympathy and condolence burst from her mothers friends—Poor child She has overtired herself We cannot expect her to play now—but Mrs Greville saying with a smile that her little friends tears were always the very lightest April showers successfully turned the attention of many from her while Mrs Hamilton taking her hand from her face merely said in a low voice—
Do not make me more ashamed of you Emmeline What would papa think if he were to see you now Her little girls only answer was to bury her face still more closely in her mothers dress very much as if she would like to hide herself entirely but on Mrs Allan saying very kindly—
Do not distress yourself my dear I would not have asked to hear you play if I had thought you would dislike it so much I dare say you are very tired and so think you will not succeed
She raised her head directly shook back the fair ringlets that had fallen over her face and though the tears were still on her cheeks and filling her eyes she said with a blending of childish shyness and yet courageous truth impossible to be described—
No maam I am not too tired to play—I did not cry from fatigue but because I was angry with mamma for not letting me dance any more and angry with myself for answering her so pettishly and because—because—I thought she was displeased and that I deserved it
Then come and redeem your character was Mrs Hamiltons only notice of a reply that actually made her heart throb with thankfulness that her lessons of truth were so fully understood and practiced by one naturally so gentle and timid as her Emmeline while Mrs Allan knew not what to answer from a feeling of involuntary respect It would have been so easy to escape a disagreeable task by tacitly allowing that she was too tired to play and what careful training must it have been to have so taught truth
Mrs Allan would not ask you before because she knew you did not like to play while the room was so very full therefore ought you not to do your very best to oblige her
Emmeline looked timidly up in her mothers face to be quite sure that her displeasure had subsided as her words seemed to denote and quite satisfied her tears were all checked and taking Mrs Allans offered hand she went directly to the musicroom
Mrs Hamilton lingered to desire Herbert who had come up to know the cause of his sisters sudden tears to form the last quadrille and reserve a place if he possibly could for Emmeline as they would not begin till she had done Her little girl was playing as she rejoined her and it really was a pretty picture her fairy figure with her tiny harp and her sweet face seeming to express the real feeling with which she played There was no execution in the simple Highland air but her vivid imagination lent it a meaning and so when fairly playing she did not mind it Mrs Allan had lost a little girl just at Emmelines age who had also played the harp and there was something in her caress and thanks after she had done that made Emmeline stand quietly at her side without heeding the praises that were lavished round her Herbert at that moment appeared with one of the young Allans
Come Emmy we are only waiting for you Mr Allan says you have not favored him tonight and he hopes you will now
Pray do added Mrs Allan as her son gayly pleaded his own cause Emmeline only waited to read her mothers consent in her eyes for she thought that she ought not to dance any more and in another minute the joyous music had resounded and she was dancing and chatting as gayly and happily as if there had been no interruption to her joy
And you will leave all these delights to imprison yourself in a manofwar asked Mr Grahame jestingly of Edward while waiting for his wife and daughters who were the last departures much to Annies horror for it was so unfashionable to be quite the last to be cloaked and shawled
Imprison was his very indignant reply and on the wide free glorious ocean flying on the wings of the wind wherever we please and compelling the flag of every land to acknowledge ours No Mr Grahame you landsmen dont know what liberty is if you talk of imprisonment in a ship We take our home wherever we go which you landsmen can not do though you do so poetize on the maternal properties of Old Mother Earth
Only hear him Hamilton exclaimed Grahame laughing heartily any one would think he had been a sailor all his little life You talk boldly now my boy but you may change your tone when you have once tried the cockpit
I do not think I shall answered Edward earnestly I know there are many hardships and I dare say I shall find them more disagreeable than I can possibly imagine but I shall get used to them it is so cowardly to care for hardships
And is it no grief to give up all the pleasures of land
I exchange them for others more delightful still
And the sea is to be your sister uncle aunt and cousins—altogether
Yes all replied Edward laughing adding as he put his arm affectionately round Ellen my sister has so many kind friends that she will be able to spare me till I am old enough to do all a brother ought
You are a good fellow Edward and I see I must not talk of parting if I would preserve this evenings pleasure unalloyed Grahame said as he laid his hand kindly on Ellens head and then turned to obey the summons of his wife
The young party no doubt felt that it would be infinitely more agreeable to sit up all night and talk of the only too quickly concluded enjoyment than to retire to their respective pillows but the habits of Oakwood were somewhat too well regulated for such dissipation though no doubt their dreamland that night was peopled with the pleasant shadows of reality and according to their respective sources of enjoyment brought back their evenings happiness again and again
CHAPTER XII
EFFECTS OF PLEASURE—THE YOUNG MIDSHIPMAN—ILLTEMPER ITS ORIGIN AND CONSEQUENCES
The return to the quiet routine of work and less exciting recreation after the Christmas pleasures was of course a trial to all our young friends Not so much to the boys as to their sisters Percys elastic spirits found pleasure in every thing being somewhat too old to care for his studies or feel them now as a restraint Herbert only exchanged one kind of happiness for another Edward looked to every month that passed as bringing nearer the attainment of his wishes and he was so fond of Mr Howard and so quick at learning and such a favorite with all his schoolfellows that he did not care at all when the time of work came again Ellen and Emmeline both found it very difficult to like their lessons again especially the latter who felt as if work and regularity were most particularly disagreeable things and sometimes was almost in despair as to her ever enjoying them again but she tried very hard to overcome indolence and never give way to petulance and succeeded so as to win her the delight of both her parents approbation Indulgence always made her feel as if no effort on her part was too great to prove how much she felt it and when any one old or young experiences this sort of feeling they need never be afraid but that they will succeed in their efforts painful and hard as they may at first seem It was not so difficult for Ellen as for Emmeline because she was less able to realize such an intensity of pleasure She seemed safer when regularly employed and besides to work hard at her respective studies was one of the very few things which she could do to prove how much she loved her aunt and accustomed from such early childhood to conquer inclination and in fact never to fancy pleasure and indulgence were her due there was happiness enough for her even in their more regular life but to Caroline the change was actually unbearable While admiration and praise only incited Emmeline to greater exertions they caused Caroline completely to relax in hers and to give in consequence as much trouble and annoyance as she had received pleasure The perseverance in her various studies especially in music the unceasing control over her temper which before the holidays she had so striven for had now entirely given way It was much less trouble for her to learn than Emmeline therefore her studies with Miss Harcourt were generally well performed but the admiration she had excited made her long for more and believe herself a person deserving much more consideration and respect than she received from her own family These thoughts persisted in of course produced and retained illtemper which as there was no longer any fear of her being debarred by its indulgence from any pleasure she made no attempt to overcome The praise bestowed on her music made her fancy herself a much greater proficient than she really was and though her love of music was great her love of praise was greater and so she not only relaxed in her practice but inwardly murmured at the very little praise she received from her mother
How can you give mamma so much trouble Caroline when you know you can do so much better Herbert exclaimed one day when an attack of weakness to which he was liable had confined him to a sofa
Mrs Hamilton after giving her usual hours lesson in which Caroline had chosen to do nothing had left her in very evident displeasure and even Herbert was roused to most unusual indignation
What is the use of practicing day after day was her angry reply I am sure I should play just as well if I practiced less
You did not think so a month ago Caroline
No because then I had something to practice for
And have you nothing now—Is mammas approbation nothing—Is the pleasure you give all of us by your talent for music nothing—Oh Caroline why will you throw away so much real gratification for the vain desire of universal admiration
There surely can be no harm Herbert in wishing to be universally loved and admired
There is when it makes you discontented and unhappy and blind to the love and admiration of your home What is the praise of strangers worth compared to that of those who love you best
There is not much chance of my receiving either at present was the cold reply
Because you will not try for the one most easily and happily obtained and even without thinking of praise how can you be so ungrateful as to repay all mammas care and trouble by the indolence coldness and almost insolence you have shown today How few mothers of her rank would—
You may spare your sermon Herbert for at this moment I am not disposed either to listen to or profit by it interrupted Caroline and she left the room in anger A faint flush rose to the pale cheek of her brother but he quickly conquered the natural irritation and sought his mother by every fond attention on his part to remove the pain of Carolines conduct
This continued for about a fortnight at the end of which time Caroline suddenly resumed her music with assiduity and there were no more ebullitions of illtemper Herbert hoped his expostulations were taking effect Mrs Hamilton trusted that her child was becoming sensible of her past folly and trying to conquer it and banish its memory herself both however were mistaken Annie Grahame had imparted to her friend in strict confidence that her mother intended giving a grand ball about the end of February and meant to entreat Mrs Hamilton as a personal favor to let Caroline be present Caroline little knew the very slight foundation Annie had for this assertion Lady Helen had merely said perhaps she would ask and this was only said because she was too indolent and weak to say No at once Not that she had any unkind feeling toward Caroline but simply because she was perfectly certain Mrs Hamilton would not consent and to persuade as earnestly as Annie wished was really too much trouble
Carolines wishes in this instance triumphed over her better judgment for had she allowed herself to think soberly she ought to have known her mothers principles of action sufficiently not to entertain the slightest hope of going
The invitations three weeks notice for her parents and brothers came In them she did not expect to be included but when above a week passed and still not a word was said disappointment took the place of hope and it was only the still lingering belief that she might go even at the last moment that prevented the return of illtemper
Now Lady Helen really had asked though she did not persuade and Mrs Hamilton thanked her but as she expected decidedly refused Caroline was much too young she said for such a party Did she know any thing about being asked Lady Helen said with truth that she had not mentioned the subject to her and had desired Annie to be equally silent
Mrs Hamilton quite forgot that Miss Grahame was not famous for obedience and relying on her friends assurance determined on not saying any thing to Caroline about it wishing to spare her the pain which she knew her refusal would inflict As it happened it would have been better if she had spoken The weather had prevented Caroline from seeing Annie but she was quite sure she would not deceive her and her proud heart rebelled against her mother not only for refusing Lady Helens request but for treating her so much like a child as to hide that refusal from her Under the influence of such thoughts of course her temper became more and more difficult to control and as a natural consequence anger and irritation against her mother and selfreproach for the indulgence of such feelings increased till she became actually miserable
It happened that about this time Miss Harcourt left Oakwood for a week on a visit to an invalid friend at Dartmouth Mrs Hamilton had given her full liberty promising that her pupils should lose nothing by her absence She left on the Saturday and the Thursday was Lady Helens ball On the Monday Mr Hamilton detained Edward as he was leaving the library after morning prayers and told him that he had received a letter which he thought might chance to interest him Ten minutes afterward Edward rushed into the breakfastroom in a state of such joyous excitement that he could scarcely speak
Wish me five ten twenty thousand joys he exclaimed springing from chair to chair as if velocity of movement should bring back speech In one month the Prince William sails and I am to meet her at Portsmouth and be a sailor a real sailor and tomorrow fortnight uncle says we are to start for London and have ten days there to see all the fine sights and then go to Portsmouth and see all that is to be seen there and then—and then—
Take care you do not lose your wits before you leave Oakwood interposed Percy laughing heartily I should not at all wonder before you go that you will be fancying the river Dart the Atlantic and set sail in a basket touch at all the islets you may pass imagining them various cities and finally land at Dartmouth believing it Halifax your destined port—that will be the end of your sailorship Edward depend upon it
I rather think I should stand a chance of being ducked into my sober senses again Percy unless wicker be waterproof which I never heard it was
But I have though eagerly interrupted Emmeline the Scots and Picts invaded England in wicker boats and to have held so many men they must have been strong and waterproof too So you see Percys basket is only an ancient boat Edward You are much better off than you thought you were
Give me Alfreds wooden walls instead Emmy your Picts and Scots were very little better than savages—Alfred is my man he deserves to be called great if it were only for forming the first English navy But neither my aunt nor Ellen have wished me joy I think I shall be offended
Mrs Hamilton could not speak at the first moment for the joy the animation of her nephew so recalled the day when her own muchloved brother her darling Charles had rushed into her room to tell her all his glee for no one ever listened to and shared in his joys and troubles as she did He was then scarcely older than Edward as full of hope and joy and buoyancy—where was he Would his fate be that of the bright beautiful boy before her And as Edward threw his arms round her neck and kissed her again and again telling her he could not be quite sure it was not all a dream unless she wished him joy too it was the utmost effort to prevent the fast gathering tears and so command her voice that he should not hear her tremble Poor Ellen looked and felt bewildered She had always tried to realize that Edward to be a sailor must leave her and in fact aware that his summons would soon come her aunt and uncle had often alluded to his departure before her but still she had never thought it near and now the news was so sudden and Edward was so wild with joy she fancied she ought to rejoice too but she could not and Percy was obliged to ask her merrily what ailed her and if she could not trust to his being a much more worthy brother than such a waterrat who had no business whatever on land before she could take her place at the breakfast table and try to smile But her eyes would rest on Edward even then and she felt as if there were something across her throat and she could not swallow the nice roll which Herbert had so kindly buttered and cut and so quietly placed in her plate and when Edward said something very funny as he was in the habit of doing and made them all laugh she tried to laugh too but instead of a laugh it was a sob that startled herself for she was quite sure she did not mean to be so foolish but instead of being reproved as she was afraid she should be she felt her aunts arm thrown gently round her till she could hide her face on her shoulder and cry quite quietly for a few minutes for they went on talking and laughing round the breakfasttable and nobody took any notice of her which she was quite glad of for she could not bear Edward to think she was unhappy when he was so pleased And after breakfast though he was in such a desperate hurry to tell Mr Howard the good news that when he did set off he left even Percy far behind him he found time to give her a hearty kiss and to tell her that he loved her very much though he could not help being so glad he was going to sea and that he was quite proud of her because though he knew she was very sorry he was going she did not cry and make a fuss as some selfish people would and then she really did smile
It is Monday morning my dears and I find Ellis and Morris require my attention for a longer time than I expected Mrs Hamilton said as she entered the schoolroom and found the three girls preparing their books so I must set you all to work and see how well you can get on without me till eleven when I will rejoin you I shall order the carriage at halfpast twelve and if all I require is completed we will pay your favorite old ruin a visit Emmy the morning is so lovely that I think we may venture to take our sketchbooks and see what other part of Berry Pomeroy we can take pencil possession of
Such an anticipation was quite enough for Emmeline Her dance about the room was only checked by the idea that her lessons would never be ready nor her exercises and sums done unless she sat quietly down and so with a great effort she gave all her attention to her various tasks and mastered them even before her mother returned Ellen though she tried quite as much was not so successful The Prince William would sail in miniature on her slate over all her figures The recollection of the awful storm they had encountered on their voyage to England would return so vividly that the very room seemed to heave And then—but she could not make out why she should think about that then—her mothers deathbed came before her and her promise and it seemed harder still to part with Edward from a vague dread that came over her but still she tried to attend to what she had to do and congratulated herself on its completion before her aunt appeared
Caroline alone was determined not to work Because she had not made herself miserable enough already the most unfounded jealousy entered her head from seeing her mothers caressing kindness toward Ellen at breakfast why was not her manner as kind to her She was quite as unhappy and her mother must see it but she took no notice of her—only of Ellen She might be cross sometimes but she never told stories or tried to hide her faults and it was very hard and unjust that she should be treated so like a child and Ellen made so much of and so she thought and thought not attempting to do a single thing till she actually made herself believe for the time that her kind indulgent mother had no love for her and every thing looked blacker than before
She made no effort to rouse herself even in Mrs Hamiltons presence but listened to her remonstrances with such extreme carelessness almost insolence that her mother felt her patience failing The selfcontrol however for which she had successfully striven enabled her so to overcome the irritation as to retain her own quiet dignity and simply to desire Caroline to give her attention at once to her studies and conquer her illtemper or not to think of accompanying them on their excursion as idleness and peevishness were better left to themselves An insolent and haughty reply rose to Carolines lips but with an effort she remained silent her flushed forehead alone denoting the internal agitation Emmelines diligence and the approbation she received irritated her still more but she rejoiced when she heard her mother tell Ellen there was not a correct line in her French exercise and her sum a compound long division wrong from the very first figure But the pleasure soon gave place to indignant anger when instead of the reproof which she believed would follow Mrs Hamilton said very kindly—
I should very much like these done correctly Ellen before we go out suppose you ensconce yourself in that bay window there are a table and chair all ready for you and we shall not interrupt you as we should if you remain at this table I know they are both very difficult today especially but the more merit in their accomplishment you know the more pleased I shall be
Ellen obeyed directly a little care and with the assistance of her grammar which her aunt permitted her to refer to instead of depending entirely on her memory that morning enabled her to succeed with her French but four times was that tormenting sum returned to till at last her tears effaced the figures as fast as they were written Still patience and resolution in both teacher and pupil conquered and the fifth time there was not a figure wrong and Mrs Hamilton fondly putting back the heavy ringlets which in Ellens absorbed attention had fallen over her tearful cheeks said playfully—
Shall I tell you a secret my little Ellen I was quite as disinclined to be firm this morning as you were to be patient so you see we have both gained a grand victory My conjuring propensities as Emmy thinks them told me that you had real cause for some little inattention and therefore that it was very cruel in me to be so determined but my judgment would tell me that my feeling was wrong and that to conquer disinclination and overcome a difficulty was a much better way of lessening even natural sorrow than to give up I do not expect you to think so just now but I fancy you are not very sorry this disagreeable terribly tiresome sum has not to be done tomorrow which it must have been had you left it today
Ellen was so glad that she felt almost happy and her few other duties were done quite briskly for Mrs Hamilton had been so kind as to countermand the carriage till one that she and Caroline might have time to finish But Caroline if she had not tried before was now still less capable of doing so Every word of kindness addressed to Ellen increased the storm raging within and the difficulty of restraining it in Mrs Hamiltons presence caused it to burst forth with unmitigated violence the moment she quitted the apartment desiring Emmeline and Ellen to make haste and put away their books but still without taking the least notice of her Invective reproach almost abuse were poured against Ellen who stood actually frightened at the violence she had so very innocently excited and at the fearful and deforming passion which inflamed her cousins every feature Carolines anger had miscounted time or she must have known that her mother could not have gone far enough for such unusual tones of excitement to escape her quick hearing Mrs Hamilton startled and alarmed returned directly and so vividly did her childs appearance and words recall her own misguided sister in those uncontrolled fits of fury under which she had so often trembled that present disappointment and dread for the future took possession of her and for the moment rendered her powerless Caroline was too much engrossed to perceive her at first and she had therefore time to rally from the momentary weakness
What does this mean she exclaimed fixing her eyes on Caroline with that expression of quiet but stern reproof which when she did use it—and it was very seldom—had the power of subduing even the wildest excitement What has Ellen done that you should abuse her with this unjust and cruel and most unfeminine violence You have indulged your illtemper till you do not know what you say or do and you are venting on another the anger which my displeasure has caused you to feel toward me and toward yourself I desire that you will control it directly or retire to your own room till you can behave with some degree of propriety and not disturb the comfort and happiness of others in this most uncalledfor manner
I will not go answered Caroline bursting into violent tears and scarcely aware of what she was saying I know I dislike Ellen and I have reason to dislike her for before she came you were never so often displeased with me you are always kind and indulgent to her always treat her as a reasonable being not as the child the infant you think me I know you have lost all love for me or you must have seen I was unhappy and spoken kindly to me as you did to Ellen I have every reason to dislike her stealing your affection from me as she has and I do with all my heart
Go and prepare for our drive my dear children Mrs Hamilton said as she calmly turned for a moment to Emmeline and Ellen who both stood bewildered the former from actual terror that her sister should dare so to address her mother and the latter from pain at the violent avowal of a dislike which she had intuitively felt but had always tried to disbelieve The beauty of the day will be gone if we linger much longer and I do not intend to be disappointed of our promised ramble Do not think any thing of what this unhappy girl is saying at present she scarcely knows herself and will byandby wish it recalled far more intensely than ever we can
Emmeline longed to throw her arms round her mother and with tears beseech her to forget what Caroline had said but though Mrs Hamilton had spoken cheerfully and in quite her usual tone of voice to them there was something in her countenance that checked any display of softness even in her affectionate child something that almost awed her and she left the room with Ellen to prepare for the promised excursion which had however lost all its anticipated enjoyment from the uncontrolled temper of another
Now Caroline I will answer you said Mrs Hamilton as soon as they were alone and again regarding Caroline who was sobbing violently with that same searching look Your charges are such very heavy ones that I really must request you during my absence to arrange and define them in some order I am so perfectly ignorant of having given you any foundation for them that before I can attempt defense you must inform me exactly and definitely of what you complain That this morning my manner was kinder to Ellen than to you I quite acknowledge Her inattention and depression had a cause yours had none for if you were unhappy it was from your own fearful temper which by encouragement has blackened every thing around you You may employ your time till dinner as you choose but at five oclock come to me in my dressingroom prepared to define and inform me of every charge you can bring against me You will consider this a command Caroline disregard or evasion of which will be disobedience
She left the room and in a very short time afterward Caroline heard the carriage drive off but for nearly three long hours she never moved from her seat so utterly miserable as scarcely even to change her position Never in her life before not in her most angry moments had she so spoken to her mother and her remorse was almost intolerable Again and again she remembered what Mrs Hamilton had told her so often that if she did not strive and pray against the dominion of illtemper while young it would become more and more uncontrollable and the older she became the more difficult to subdue even in a moderate degree and her words were indeed true It had been many months since temper had gained such an ascendency and its effects were far far more violent and its power over her more determined and if as she grew older it should be still worse what would become of her how insufferably wretched what would she not have given to have recalled her words The jealousy which had arisen now she knew not how had sunk into air before those few calm inquiring sentences from her mother and in her excessive misery every kind deed and word and look every fond indulgence and forbearance in fact all the love her mother had so lavished on her from her infancy rushed back upon her till she actually hated herself and longed the more intensely for the comfort of that soothing affection which in real pain or childish sorrow had never been refused her
Why why did Annie tell me any thing about that hateful ball she exclaimed at length as the sound of many joyous voices and the dressingbell proclaimed the return of the various members of her family only in time to prepare for dinner It was all all from that I know now only from that one thought—one wish Why was I such a fool as not to tell mamma at once that I knew I was to be asked and wished so much to go—if she had refused me it would not have been half the pain I have made for myself And how can I meet papas eye and Percys unkind jokes with eyes like these she added as on rising to go to her own room she caught sight of her own face in a mirror and actually started at the disfigurement which the violence of her emotion had wrought Oh how I wish mamma had not desired me to go to her that I could but hide myself from every body—or get rid of this horrible black cloud
From every eye but her mothers she could and did hide herself for saying that her head ached which was the truth and she did not wish any thing to take she refused to go down to dinner Mrs Hamilton had successfully exerted herself during their excursion and Emmeline and Ellen enjoyed themselves so thoroughly as almost to forget the alloy of the morning and even when Carolines message recalled it the boys were all so merry that it did not disturb them Percy always declared that Carolines headache was only another term for temperache and he would certainly have sent her some message of mock pity if his quick eye had not discovered or fancied that his mother did not look quite as well as usual and so he contented himself by trying still more to be the life of the dinnertable Mr Hamilton had seen at a single glance that all was not quite right and Carolines nonappearance and message explained it to his extreme regret for he had begun to hope and believe that his wifes extreme solicitude on her account was beginning to decrease
Mrs Hamilton had not much doubt that silence and solitude had so far had effect on Caroline as to subdue passion and bring her to a sense of her misconduct but that had scarcely power to lessen the anxiety and the pain which Carolines words had so wantonly inflicted Had she indeed evinced any thing like undue partiality the idea alone almost brought a smile fondly and almost as her own child as she loved her little niece The very anxiety Caroline occasioned her deepened her affection the very control she was obliged to exercise in her mode of guiding her strengthened every feeling toward her She was so enwrapped in these painfully engrossing thoughts in the strict examination of her own own heart that she was not aware the time she had appointed had passed by full ten minutes till she was roused by the handle of her door being softly turned and left again as if some one had wished to enter but hesitated The very hesitation gave her hope for she really did not know that the utmost penalty she could have inflicted on Caroline in the moment of natural indignation would have failed in producing such an effect as the simple command to seek her and define her charges against her when that angry excitement had so calmed that Caroline would have given worlds if she might but have not referred to it again She knew she dared not disobey but her daring had left her so powerless that she had stood at her mothers door full ten minutes before she could command courage sufficient to open it and enter
Mrs Hamilton looked at her changed aspect the bitter humiliation expressed in every feature with such pity that it required even more than her usual exercise of control to retain the grave and apparently unmoved tone with which she said—
You have had a long time in which to reflect on your charges against me Caroline I hope they are now sufficiently defined for me to understand and answer them You may sit down for you do not seem very capable of standing
Caroline gladly obeyed by sitting down on a low ottoman some little distance from her mother on whose neck she absolutely longed to throw herself and beseech forgiveness but Mrs Hamiltons tone was not such as to give her courage to do so She remained silent burying her face in her hands
I am waiting your pleasure Caroline I should have thought that you had had plenty of time to think during my absence Of what do you accuse me
Oh nothing nothing mamma dear mamma do not speak to me in that tone I can not bear it indeed indeed I am miserable enough already condemn me to any punishment the severest you can I know I deserve it—but do not do not speak so
No Caroline were I to condemn you to any punishment it would seem more like vengeance for the pain you have inflicted on me by your accusation of partiality and injustice than from the hope of producing any good end You are no longer a child who must be taught the line of duty to a parent You know it now as well as I can teach it and if you fail must be answerable only to yourself I can not help you any further than by requesting you to explain clearly the origin of your complaint against me Its main ground of offense is I believe that since Ellen has become an inmate of my family I have treated you with more harshness and unkindness than I ever did before Can you look back on the last eighteen months and recall one instance in which this has been the case I must have an answer Caroline you may now think explanation is not necessary and that you meant nothing when you spoke but that will not satisfy me nor you when illtemper regains ascendency You need not refrain from answering for fear of wounding me You can scarcely do that more than you have done already
Caroline tried to speak but she could only sob forth that she could not recall one instance in which her mother had been more displeased with her than her conduct merited Acknowledging but almost inarticulately that she had sometimes fancied that she had remained longer cold with her than with Ellen after the committal of a fault—and that—she stopped
Go on Caroline
I could not feel my faults such heavy ones as Ellens
They are of equal if not greater weight than your cousins Caroline You have been from your earliest infancy the object of the most tender and devoted care to your father and myself Miss Harcourt has followed out our plans you have never been exposed to any temptation not even that of casual bad example Ellen till she became mine encountered neglect harshness all that could not fail in such a character to engender the faults she has You can not compare yourself with her for had you been situated as she was I fear you would have had still heavier failings
I should never have told untruths exclaimed Caroline with returning temper
Perhaps not for some persons are so physically constituted that they do not know what fear is and harshness would harden not terrify and crush as with such dispositions as Ellens But Caroline when temper gains dominion over you as it has done today do you always think and utter nothing but the truth
Caroline turned from that penetrating look and burst into tears Few as the words were they seemed to flash light into the very inmost recesses of her heart and tell her that in moments of uncontrolled temper in her brooding fancies she really did forfeit the truth on adherence to which she so prided herself and that there was no excuse for her in the idea that she did not know what she said or did—for why had religion and reason been so carefully implanted within her but to enable her to subdue the evil temper ere it acquired such fearful dominion
Perhaps you have never thought of this before Caroline resumed Mrs Hamilton and her tone was not quite so cold but think of it in future and it may help you to conquer yourself Remember words can never be recalled and that though you may have lost such command over yourself as scarcely to know the exact sense of what you say yet those to whom they are addressed or those who may have only heard them must believe and so receive and perhaps act on false impressions which no after effort will remove Now to your next charge that I treat Ellen as a reasonable being and you as a child—if you have the least foundation for this supposition speak it without hesitation—whence has it arisen
For one minute Caroline hesitated but then resolved she would atone for her fault at least by a full confession She told all the wishes the hopes Annies information of Lady Helens promise had imparted and the pain it was to feel that her mother thought her such a child as not to speak to her on the subject
And if you did think so Caroline why did you not from the first moment that Annie told you of it come to me and tell me how very much you wished it I could not indeed have granted your wishes but your confidence would have been met with such indulgence as would at least have saved you some degree of pain Believing as I did and as Lady Helen assured me I might with safety that you knew nothing about it—would you have thought it kind or judicious in me had I said Lady Helen has persuaded me to take you to her ball but I have refused her I was silent to spare you pain as had you permitted yourself calmly to think you would have believed However as appearances were I grant that I have not treated you in this instance with the consideration that your age might perhaps have demanded and from Annie not obeying Lady Helens desire that she should not mention the subject to you have failed in sparing you the pain of disappointment as I had hoped But another time instead of brooding over that which seems want of consideration on my part come to me at once and spare yourself and me the pain you have caused me today I do not think you can accuse me of ever meeting your confidence with so much harshness as to check such openness on your part
Caroline looked hastily up her mothers tone was almost as fond as usual and unable to restrain the impulse any longer she started from her low seat and kneeling down close by her clung round her passionately exclaiming—
Mamma mamma pray forgive me I am so very miserable—I can not bear myself—I do not know when I shall be happy again for even if you forgive me I know—I know—I never can forgive myself
I do not wish you to forgive yourself just yet my dear child replied her mother not refusing the kiss Carolines eyes so earnestly besought Your fault has been such an aggravated one that I fear it must cause you many days of remorse the most painful kind of suffering which error can bring but do not try to shake it off I would rather see you endure it and not expect happiness for a few days You know where to seek the only source which can bring peace and comfort and you must endeavor by earnest prayer to strengthen yourself for the conflict you have so often to encounter You have a very difficult task my poor child that I know and therefore do I so try to provide you with a guard and help
If I could but conquer it at first answered Caroline whose violent excitement had given way to tears of real repentance but at first it seems almost a pleasure to me to be cross to every body and answer pettishly and as if it were pleasanter to encourage disagreeable thoughts than to read or do any thing that would remove them And then when I would give any thing to escape from them it seems every bodys fault but my own and I can not
If you accustomed yourself constantly to pray against this great fault my dear child you would find that its very first approach would so startle you that you would use every energy to subdue it But I fear it is only when temper has made you miserable as it has today that you are quite aware of its enormity You do not think the fault great enough to demand the watchfulness and care without which it never will be subdued
I am afraid I do not indeed mamma I know I do not make it a subject of prayer as you have so often advised me except when every thing looks so black and I am so miserable and then I fear I ask more to be happy again than for forgiveness of my sin and for grace and strength to overcome it I never felt this to be the case so strongly as today but your coldness seems to have shown me my whole self and I never thought I was so wicked and so I must be miserable
Mrs Hamilton involuntarily drew her child more closely to her The humility the bitterness of selfreproach was so unlike Carolines usual haughtiness—so very much deeper than they had ever been before that she hoped in spite of her anxiety and her voice audibly trembled as she answered—
If you really feel this my Caroline you will not hesitate to follow my advice and really pray and watch against this unhappy temper even when every thing is so smooth and happy that you can not imagine why you need Sin always gains ascendency by using pleasure as his covering Do not let a single cross word or momentary unkind thought pass unnoticed never cease in your petition for grace and strength but do not be content with only prayer you must use effort as well and if your thoughts will be black and you feel as if you could not conquer them by yourself nor banish them even by your favorite employments come to me confess them without fear or hesitation to me and let us try if we can not conquer them together Will you promise me to try this plan Caroline
Caroline could not reply for every kind word her mother spoke seemed to heighten selfreproach and make her still more wretched Mrs Hamilton felt that there was no refusal in her silence and continued talking to her in that same gentle strain a little while longer and then rose to leave her—but Caroline looked so sorrowful that she hesitated
No mamma I do not deserve that you should stay with me and so deprive Emmeline and Ellen and the boys of their favorite hour she said though the tears started again to her eyes for she felt as if it would be an indescribable comfort still to be alone with her mother I am too unhappy and too ashamed to join them if I may remain away Mrs Hamilton answered in the affirmative I have not a thing prepared for tomorrow and—and I do not—indeed I do not mean to give you any more trouble with my studies I hate myself for that too
Do not attempt to study tonight my dear Caroline get up a little earlier tomorrow to be ready for me if you like but though it will be much more painful to you to remain idle the remainder of this evening than to employ yourself even with the most disagreeable task I would much rather you should do so Once let temper be quite subdued and your heart receive its necessary government and I have no fear but that you will very quickly make up for lost time and even if you did not believe me my dear child the graces of the mind, precious as in general they are considered and as they are still are to me actually nothing worth if unaccompanied by a gentle temper and womanly heart Do not shrink from the suffering which it will be to sit alone and think on all that has passed today but let your remorse be accompanied by a resolution which you are quite capable of not only forming but of keeping not to rest till by prayer and effort you have sought Gods blessing on your difficult task and so feel strengthened for its fulfillment and also for persevering in it for you must not hope to succeed in subduing yourself all at once Do this and I shall be better pleased than if tomorrow morning you brought me a treble quantity of mental work
She embraced and left her—to meditations from whose bitter though salutary pain Caroline made no attempt to escape though had it not been for her mothers advice she would gladly have flown to her studies and worked with double assiduity believing that she was by doing so atoning for her fault instead of merely shrinking from its remembrance It was a trial to join her family even for prayers for she felt so selfconvicted so humbled that she fancied every one must despise her and when after the service Percy approached and with mock sympathy inquired how her headache was and if she had recovered her appetite and begged her not to be ill at such a critical time as he most particularly wished to go to Lady Helens ball and he could not be so cruel if she were not well her spirit was so broken that the large tears rolled down her cheeks and she turned away without uttering a single word
If you had taken the trouble to look in your sisters face Percy you would not have spoken so unkindly said Mrs Hamilton more hastily than she was in the habit of interfering and as Caroline came to her she whispered some few fond words that enabled her to wish her father goodnight and leave the room without any farther display of emotion
Do you wish your sister to dislike you Percy she said gently detaining him as he was following Caroline
Dislike me mother No how can you think so
Because you act as if you wished it you never see her uncomfortable without trying to make her more so and is that kind How can she ever look up to and love you while such is the case
I only mean it for fun mother It is such glorious enjoyment to me to torment when I see people cross and miserable for nothing
And in the enjoyment of your fun my dear boy you forget other peoples feelings I must beg you as an especial favor to myself that you will do all you can to soothe rather than irritate Caroline in the short time that intervenes before you go to London She will have a hard struggle with herself so do not you make her trial more difficult
Do you wish it mother dear you know I would refrain from teasing even for a whole year if it would please you and give me the privilege of a kiss whenever I like he laughingly answered looking up in her face so archly and yet so fondly that his mother could not help smiling promising she would not sentence him to any thing so terrible as not to tease for a whole year as she was quite sure he would fall into his old propensities before a quarter of the time had expired
CHAPTER XIII
SUSPICION—A PARTING A DOUBLE GRIEF—INNOCENCE PROVED—WRONG DONE AND EVIL CONFIRMED BY DOUBT
Lady Helens ball took place and Caroline had so conquered herself that she could listen to Percys flowing account of its delights with actual cheerfulness It was so associated with selfreproach that she could scarcely think of it without pain but she was so convinced of her folly in permitting such a very little thing so to affect her temper as to cause all the misery she had endured that she had resolved to punish herself not only by listening to Percy but by herself inquiring the details She was a girl of really a strong mind and once convinced of error once released from the fell dominion of temper she did not care what pain she endured or what difficulty she encountered so that she could but convince her mother how truly she regretted and tried to atone for past misconduct It was very easy as Mrs Hamilton had told her to regain lost time in her studies but not quite so easy to check the cross word or unkind thought and to break from the black cloud that still at times would envelop her But she did not give way constantly even making opportunities for selfdenial and doing little kindnesses for Ellen though she was too truthful to profess an affection which as yet she could not feel
Early in the following week Mr Grahame came over to Oakwood with a petition Annie having taken cold at the party had been obliged to enact the invalid much against her inclination and so entreated her mother to invite Caroline to spend a few days with her and to her astonishment her cold harsh father volunteered to go himself for her Mr Hamilton at once acceded his wife hesitated but she went at once to Caroline who chanced to be reading alone in the schoolroom for it was the time of recreation and told her For a moment her countenance was actually radiant with delight the next it clouded over
You would like it very much but you are afraid I shall not permit you to go—is that the meaning of your change of countenance asked her mother half smiling
I am afraid of myself mamma for I fear I am always more illtempered and proud after any such pleasure as going to Moorlands would be
Would you rather not go then
I can not say quite that mamma I should like it very much if I could but be sure of myself afterward
Did you ever feel such a doubt of yourself before Caroline when going to stay with Annie
No mamma I seem to have thought a great deal more the last few days and not to feel half so sure of myself
Then I think there is less danger for you that is of course if you are willing to risk the temptation of Lady Helens too kind consideration and lavish praises which make mine so very tame
Oh mamma pray do not say so interrupted Caroline very eagerly Indeed I would rather hear you speak and see you smile as you do now than listen to all that Lady Helen is so kind as to say I know I did like it very much and that it did sometimes make me fancy when I came home that you were almost cold But indeed indeed I hope I am learning to know you better
I hope so too dearest But Mr Grahame is waiting for you and bytheby begged me to ask you for some lines you promised to copy out for a print in Lady Helens album You may do just as you like about going because you are quite old and wise enough to decide for yourself Illtemper always brings such suffering with it that if pleasure must recall it you will be wiser not to go but if you can resist it—if you think you can return to your quiet daily routine as forbearing and gentle and happy as you are now go my love and enjoy yourself as much as you can
I will try and remember all you said about prayer when we think we are most secure dear mamma answered Caroline in a very earnest and somewhat lowered voice I know whenever I have been to Moorlands before I have felt so elated so sure I should never be in an illtemper so proud from being made so much of that I fear I have very often relaxed even in my daily prayers and never thought it necessary to pray against illtemper Do you think if I watch myself and still pray against it it will save me from being cross and unkind on my return
It will undoubtedly help you my dear child very considerably and render your trial very much easier but I can not promise you that it will entirely prevent the inclination to feel pettish and unhappy I have no doubt that in time it will prevent even that but now you know it is very early days and you have not yet forgotten the bitter pain of last week still I think you may venture to go love and if I do see you happy and gentle on your return it will do much toward convincing me you are striving in earnest Make haste and get ready and do not forget the poem I will send over your things Tell Lady Helen I shall expect all her family next Monday evening to join Edwards little farewellparty and you can return with them
With the most delighted alacrity Caroline hastened to get ready and in her hurry forgot the poem till she reentered the schoolroom which was still untenanted
What shall I do for some writingpaper she thought the desks are all put away and it will detain me so long to go up again for the keys and the volume is too large to carry—oh I will tear out a blank page from this book it will not be very elegant but I can recopy it at Moorlands
And she hastily tore out a page from an exercisebook which lay open on the table not perceiving that by doing so a fellowleaf which was written on was loosened and fell to the ground mingling with some torn papers which had been put in a heap to be cleared away She had just finished it when Fanny came to tell her Mr Grahame could not wait any longer and asking if all the papers on the ground were to be removed Caroline hastily answered in the affirmative without looking at them and the girl bore them off in her apron the written leaf among them
Now it so happened that this written leaf had already occasioned trouble Miss Harcourt had been so displeased with Ellens careless performance of a French exercise that morning that she had desired her to write it again It was very difficult and had materially shortened the time which she had promised to devote to Edward who was this week released from his attendance on Mr Howard to permit him and Ellen to be as much together as possible Hurried by him she left her book open on the table to dry and finding it closed on her return put it away without looking at it The following day Miss Harcourt of course requested to see it and to Ellens utter astonishment her exercise was not there only the faulty and blotted theme with no sign to explain its disappearance Now we know Miss Harcourt was rather prejudiced against Ellen and as she had unhappily failed in truth more than once perhaps she was not so unjust and harsh as poor Ellen felt her to be she refused to believe her assurance that she had written it No one had been in the schoolroom at the time to whom she could refer if Ellen had never disobeyed or deceived of course her word would be sufficient as her brothers and cousins would
That you have failed again both in obedience and truth Ellen I can not for a moment doubt and it certainly would be my duty to inform your aunt directly but as I know it would cause her real suffering to be compelled to punish you just this last week that Edward will be with us for some time I shall say nothing about it to her nor inflict any penalty on you to attract her notice but it is entirely for her sake I forbear One so hardened in falsehood as you must be so soon to forget her kind indulgence after your fault only a few weeks ago can deserve nothing but harshness and contempt I shall certainly after this week warn her not to trust too implicitly in your artful professions of repentance
Poor Ellen felt too bewildered and too miserable even to cry That she had written her exercise she was as positive as that she had been told to do so but if she had—what had become of it Harsh as Miss Harcourt seemed appearances were certainly very much against her She had not a single proof that she had obeyed and her word was nothing even Emmeline looked at her doubtingly and as if she could scarcely even pity her It was very little comfort to think her aunt was not to be told Her own impulse was to go to her and tell her at once but how could she be believed and Mrs Hamiltons words—If I ever discover another untruth you will compel me to adopt still severer measures pain as it will be to myself the remembrance of all she had suffered the disappointment it would be to her aunt to think all she had said and read to her were forgotten when in reality she was constantly thinking of and trying to act on them all checked the impulse and terrified her into silence
Miss Harcourt was not an acute physiognomist she could only read in Ellens face hardihood and recklessness We rather think Mrs Hamilton would have read something very different but she was very much engaged with Edward and if she did think Ellen looked much more out of spirits she attributed it to natural feeling at the rapid approach of the day of separation For her brothers sake to prove to him she could enter into his joy she tried very hard not to evince the least symptom of depression and never to cry before him at least though every night that told her another day had gone and brought before her all sorts of vague feelings and fancies of dread she either cried herself to sleep or laid awake still more unhappy The suspicion attached to her seemed to double the severity of the trial of parting Edward was her own Edward must love her with all her faults but even her aunt her kind dear good aunt must cease to have any affection for her if so constantly believed guilty of a sin so terrible as falsehood And she seemed to love her brother still more than ever every day that brought the hour of parting nearer—sometimes as if she could not bear the pain of not being able to look at his bright face and listen to his glad laugh and dear voice for three perhaps six long years Her aunts gentle kindness seemed to increase her unhappiness for though she knew she was innocent still she felt if Miss Harcourt had told Mrs Hamilton she could not be so caressed and cared for and she was receiving that which she was believed to have forfeited Miss Harcourts face certainly seemed to ask her as distinctly as words how she could be so artful—so deceitful—as to permit her aunt to take such notice of her and so she often shrunk away when she most longed to sit by and listen to her
Edwards spirits never sobered except now and then when he thought of leaving Mrs Hamilton to whom he had given the same love he had lavished on his mother perhaps to a still greater extent for reverence was largely mingled with it Mr Howard too was another whom he grieved to leave and Mrs Hamilton so trusted in these apparently strong affections and his good disposition as to feel but little anxiety merely sorrow that she was to lose him for a profession of danger She did not know nor did Mr Howard nor Edward himself that he was one who would be guided more by the influence of those with whom he was intimately thrown than by any memory of the absent or judgment of his own
Ellens manner on Monday evening annoyed and prejudiced Miss Harcourt still more Mrs Greville and Mary Lady Helen and all her family bringing Caroline home with them Mr Howard and some of Edwards favorite companions all assembled at Oakwood and every one was determined to be gay and cheerful and Edwards voice was the merriest and his laugh the happiest there and Ellen though her head ached with the effort and the constant struggle of the preceding week was quite cheerful too and talked to Mary Greville and Lilla and Cecil Grahame and even to Mr Howard as Miss Harcourt felt she had no right to do and as must prove her to be that which she had always fancied her Mrs Hamilton on the contrary saw that in the very midst of a laugh or of speaking her nieces eye would rest upon Edward and the lip quite quiver and her smile become for the moment so strained that she was satisfied Ellens cheerfulness proceeded from no want of feeling she wondered indeed at so much control at such an early age but she loved her for it notwithstanding Once only Ellen was nearly conquered Mary had begged her to sing a little Hindoo air of which she was particularly fond and Edward hearing the request said eagerly—
Do sing it dear Ellen I am quite as fond of it as Mary is for it seems to make me think of India and poor mamma and it will be such a long time before I hear it again
She had never in her whole life felt so disinclined to sing so as if it were quite impossible—as if she must cry if she did but Edward would think it so unkind if she refused for she did not know herself why his very words should have increased the difficulty and what reason could she give him Mary went and asked Mrs Hamilton to accompany her and Ellen did her very best but her voice would tremble and just before the end of the second verse it failed entirely but still she was glad she had tried for on Mrs Hamilton saying very kindly and in a voice that only she and Mary could hear I was half afraid you would not succeed tonight my dear Ellen but you were quite right to try Mary seemed to understand at once why it had been so difficult for her to oblige her and to be quite sorry she had pressed it so much and Edward had thanked her and told her he should sing it in idea very often She tried to be merry again but she could not succeed as before and so she kept as near her aunt as she could all the remainder of the evening as if she were only safe there
Edward too had a hard battle with himself as one by one his favorite companions took leave of him with a hearty shake of the hand and eager—but in some halfchoked wishes for his health and prosperity and when all had gone and Mr Howard who had remained for prayers took him in his arms and solemnly prayed God to bless him and save him from danger and temptation and permit him to return to his family improved in all things that would make him an affectionate guardian to his orphan sister and repay all the love and care of his aunt and uncle it was a desperate effort that prevented him from sobbing like a child but he had his midshipmans uniform on for the first time and he was quite resolved he would not disgrace it therefore he only returned Mr Howards embrace very warmly and ran out of the room But when his aunt went into his room an hour afterward it appeared as if he had put off his pride and his uniform together for though he was fast asleep his pillow was quite wet with tears
The next morning was a very sad one though Percy and his father did all they could to make it cheerful we ought to have said before that Percy and Herbert were both going with Mr Hamilton and Edward No one liked the idea of losing Edward for so long a time He had made himself a favorite with all even with every one of the servants who when the carriage was ready at eleven oclock thronged into the hall to take a last look at him He was so altered that he had that morning actually of his own accord shaken hands with every one of them who had ever done any thing for him especially Ellis and Morris and Robert to whom he had given a very handsome present and thanked him for all his attention
He kept up very manfully till he came to his aunt whose emotion as she held him in a close embrace was so unusually visible and for the moment he seemed so to love her that the idea of the sea lost half its delight and he felt as if he could almost have liked to remain with her But Percys joyous voice—
Come Master Edward I thought you were a sailor not a schoolboy Off with you you will not give me time or room for one kiss from mamma before we go roused him and he tried to laugh in the midst of his tears gave Ellen another kiss and ran into the carriage where he was quickly followed by his uncle and cousins and in a very few minutes Oakwood dear happy Oakwood as his whole heart felt it at that moment was hidden from his sight
Ellen remained by the window looking after the carriage long after it was impossible to see or hear it very pale and her eyes very heavy but not in tears and as her aunt went to her and put her arm round her and began talking to her very cheerfully of all Edward would have to write to her about and how soon they might hear from him and that Ellen should answer him as often and as fully as she liked and that she would not even ask to see her letters to him or all his to her as they might have many little affectionate things to say to each other that they might not care about any one else seeing and she would trust them both—Ellen seemed as if one pain was soothed and if indeed she heard often from him she might bear his departure But there was still the other source of unhappiness recalled every time she met Miss Harcourts cold suspicious look which had not changed even then Still she tried to join her cousins and get her work for there were no studies that morning and so some little time passed by Mrs Hamiltons exertions almost cheerfully but then Ellen left the room to get something she wanted and in seeking her own passed Edwards room the door of which stood half open She could not resist entering and every thing spoke of him so vividly and yet seemed so to tell her he had gone really gone and she was quite alone that all the pain came back again worse than ever and she laid her head on his pillow and her longchecked tears flowed with almost passionate violence
My dear Ellen I have been looking for you every where said her aunts kind voice full an hour afterward Emmeline went into your room and could not find you and I could not imagine what had become of you It was not wise of you to come here just this morning love You have been so brave so unselfish all this week that I must not let you give way now Try and think only that Edward will be happier as a sailor than he would be remaining with you and though I know you must miss him very very painfully you will be able to bear it better Poor Alice Seaton of whom you have heard me speak has no such comfort her brother could not bear the idea of a sea life and is scarcely strong enough for it and yet poor fellow it is the only opening his uncle has for him and his poor sister had not only that pain to bear—for you can fancy how dreadful it would be if Edward had left us for a life in which he thought he should be miserable—but is obliged to leave the aunt she loves as much I think as you love me Ellen and go as a teacher in a school to bear her accumulated sorrow quite alone Sad as your trial is you have still many things to bless God for dearest as I am sure you will acknowledge if when the pain of the present moment has subsided you think of Alice and try to put yourself in her place
It is not only parting from Edward answered Ellen trying to check her tears but clasping her arms still closer round her aunt as if dreading that her own words should send her from her
Not only parting from Edward Ellen love what is it then tell me replied Mrs Hamilton surprised and almost alarmed But Ellen could not go on much as she wished it for her momentary courage had deserted her and she could only cry more bitterly than before Have you done any thing wrong Ellen and have you forgotten my promise inquired her aunt after waiting several minutes and speaking very sorrowfully
Miss Harcourt thinks I have aunt but indeed indeed I have not I have not been so very wicked as to tell another falsehood I know no one can believe me but I would rather you should know it even if—if you punish me again
You must try to be more calm my dear Ellen and tell me clearly what is causing you so much additional suffering for I can not quite understand you I certainly shall not punish you unless quite convinced you have failed in truth again which I do not think you have Tell me exactly what it is and look at me while you are speaking
Ellen tried to obey but her grief had gained such an ascendency that it was very difficult Mrs Hamilton looked very thoughtful when she ceased for she really was more perplexed than she allowed Ellen to perceive and the poor child fancying her silence could only mean disbelief and condemnation remained quiet and trembling by her side
I promised you that I would not doubt you Ellen and I will not now though appearances are so strong against you she said after several minutes thought Come with me to the schoolroom and show me your exercisebook I may find some clew to explain this mystery
Ellen thought that was quite impossible but inexpressibly comforted by her aunts trust she went with her directly
Ellen has been telling me that you have been very much displeased with her my dear Lucy Mrs Hamilton said directly she entered addressing Miss Harcourt who was sitting reading with Caroline and Emmeline and certainly with great apparent justice but she is so unhappy about it that I can scarcely believe that she has forgotten all which passed between us a short time ago and I am going therefore with your permission to try if I can not discover something that may throw a light on the subject
I am afraid that will scarcely be possible replied Miss Harcourt however I am glad she has had the candor to tell you instead of continuing to receive your notice as she has done the last week Ellen had brought her book while Miss Harcourt was speaking and Mrs Hamilton attentively examined it
Did you not begin one like this the same day Caroline
Yes mamma dont you remember we were obliged to send to Harris for them as the parcel with the stationery did not come from Exeter as soon as we expected And we noticed how much thinner they were though they were the same sized books
And did I not hear you say something about their having the same number of leaves and therefore it must have been only the quality of the paper which made the difference
What a memory you have mamma answered Caroline smiling I did not think you were taking the least notice of us but I do remember saying so now and indeed I very often wish the quality had been the same for our writing looks horrid
Do you happen to remember the number of leaves they contained and if they were both alike
I know they had both the same number and I think it was twoandtwenty but I can tell you in a moment And with her usual quickness of movement Caroline unlocked her desk drew forth her book and ran over the leaves
I am right—twoandtwenty
And you are quite sure they had both the same number
Perfectly certain mamma
Then by some incomprehensible means two leaves have disappeared from Ellens—here are only twenty Have you ever torn a leaf out Ellen
No aunt indeed I have not
When did Miss Harcourt tell you to write this missing exercise
Last Monday week—I mean yesterday week
Where did you write it and what did you do with your book afterward
I wrote it at this table aunt I was so sorry I had to do it when Edward depended so much on my going out with him that I thought it would save time not to get my desk and as soon as it was done I left it open to dry When I came home it was closed and I put it away without looking at it and the next morning the exercise was not there
Who was in this room after you left it bytheby it was the morning you went to Lady Helens Caroline did you notice Ellens book open as she said Why what is the matter my dear she added observing that Caroline looked as if some sudden light had flashed upon her and then really grieved
I am so very very sorry mamma I do believe it has been all my haste and carelessness that has caused Ellen all this unhappiness I was in such a hurry to copy the poem for Lady Helen that I tore a blank leaf out of an open book on the table without thinking whose it was In my haste the book fell to the ground I picked it up to write on it but never noticed if the fellowleaf fell out which it must have done and no doubt Fanny carried it away with some other torn papers which she asked me if she were to destroy I am more sorry than I can tell you Ellen pray believe that I did not do it purposely
I am sure she will if it be only for the comfort of our knowing the truth said Mrs Hamilton truly relieved not only from the explanation but perceiving Carolines voluntarily offered kiss was willingly and heartily returned by Ellen It was almost the first she had ever seen exchanged between them
I must believe you dear Caroline for you never say what you do not mean said Ellen earnestly but I do so wish Miss Harcourt could see my exercise she would quite believe me then
And we should all be more satisfied replied Mrs Hamilton perceiving in a moment that Miss Harcourt still doubted and ringing the bell she desired the footman to send Fanny to her
Do you remember taking some torn papers from this room the morning you went to tell Miss Hamilton that Mr Grahame was waiting she asked
Yes madam
And were they all torn up in small pieces
No madam there was one like the page out of a book which made me ask Miss Hamilton if they were all to be destroyed It was such a nice clean piece only being written on one side that I wrapped up some lace in it—Mrs Ellis having only half an hour before scolded me for not keeping it more carefully
Bring me the leaf my good girl and Miss Ellen will give you a still better piece for the purpose replied her mistress quite unable to suppress a smile and Ellen hastily took out a large sheet of writing paper and the moment Fanny returned she seemed gone an age gave it to her and seized her own which she placed in her aunts hand without being able to speak a single word
I think that is the very theme and certainly Ellens writing my dear Lucy we can have no more doubt now said Mrs Hamilton the moment Fanny had left the room delighted with the exchange and drawing Ellen close to her for the poor child could really scarcely stand
I have done you injustice Ellen and I beg your pardon replied Miss Harcourt directly and Mrs Hamilton would have been better pleased had she stopped there but she could not help adding You know I should never have doubted you if you had not so often forfeited truth
Ellens first impulse had been to go to her but her last words caused her to bury her face on her aunts shoulder
I really think Ellen you ought to thank Ellis for giving Fanny a scolding as it has done you such excellent service resumed Mrs Hamilton playfully and what fee are you going to give me for taking upon myself to prove your innocence in open court I think myself so very clever that I shall tell Percy I am a better lawyer without study than he can hope to be with You dont seem very capable of doing any thing but kissing me now and so I will not be very exacting You have cried yourself almost ill and so must bear the penalty Go and lie down in my dressingroom for an hour or two Emmeline go with your cousin and see what a kind affectionate nurse you can be till I come It is never too early to practice such a complete womans office
Emmeline quite proud of the charge and more grieved than she very well knew how to express till she was quite alone with Ellen that she too had suspected and been cold to her the last week left the room with her cousin Caroline seemed to hesitate for a moment but she was quite certain by her mothers face that she wished to speak with Miss Harcourt and so without being told took up her book and went into the library
And now Lucy I am going to ask you a personal favor began Mrs Hamilton the moment they were alone
That I will try and not judge Ellen so harshly again was her instant reply you have every right to desire it my dear friend not to ask it as a favor I was too prejudiced and too hasty but your own dear children are so truthful so open that I fear they have quite spoiled me for the necessary patience and forbearance with others
You have not quite guessed it Lucy Appearances were so very strongly against that poor child that I am not at all astonished you should have disbelieved her assertion In the moment of irritation it is not unlikely I should have done so myself but the favor I am going to ask you is merely that you will try and never show that you doubt her word or refer to her past failures I am quite convinced that untruth is not Ellens natural disposition but that it has been caused by the same circumstances which have made her such a painfully timid too humble character If with all her efforts to conquer herself she still finds her word doubted and the past brought forward she never will be able to succeed Examine as strictly and carefully as you please and as I am sure she will desire if necessary—as she did today—but oblige me and never doubt her If she finds we never do it will raise her selfesteem and give her a still further incentive to adhere as strictly to the truth as she sees we believe she does I am certain the habit of falsehood has often been strengthened by the injudicious and cruel references to one or two childish failures If I am never to be believed what is the use of trying to tell the truth is the very natural question and the present pain of carefulness being greater than the visible amount of evil the habit is confirmed Will you oblige me
Of course I will dearest Mrs Hamilton how can you talk so Have you not a right to desire what you think proper in my guidance of your children instead of so appealing to me as an equal
And are you not My dear Lucy have I ever in act or word considered you otherwise In the very intrusting my children to your care do I not prove that I must think you so Have you lived with me all these years and not yet discovered that I have some few notions peculiar perhaps to myself but that one among them is that we can never consider too much or be too grateful to those invaluable friends who help us in the training of our children
I have lived long enough with you to know that there never was never can be any woman like you either as wife mother mistress or friend exclaimed Miss Harcourt with most unusual fervor
You did not know your own mother dearest Lucy as how I wish you had or you would not think so Every firm truthful estimable quality I may possess under Gods blessing I owe to her As a young child before she came to me and some years afterward I was more like Ellen than either of my own darlings and that perhaps explains the secret of my love for and forbearance with her
Like Ellen repeated Miss Harcourt much surprised forgive me but indeed I can scarcely believe it
It is truth notwithstanding my poor fathers great preference for Eleanor when we were children her very superior beauty and quickness threw me back into myself and I am quite certain if it had not been for your excellent mother who came to live with us when I was only seven my character would have suffered as much from neglect on the one side and too painful humility on my own as Ellens has done I can understand her feelings of loneliness misappreciation shrinking into herself better even than she does herself
But your affection and kindness ought to have altered her character by this time
Hardly—eighteen months is not long enough to remove the painful impressions and influences of eleven sorrowful years Besides I scarcely know all these influences I fear sometimes that she has endured more than I am aware of So you must think charitably of my fancy dearest Lucy she added smiling and help me to make Ellen as much like me as a woman as I believe she is to me as a child and to do so try and think a little a very little more kindly and hopefully of her than you do
I really do wish you were not quite so penetrating dearest Mrs Hamilton there is no hiding a single feeling or fancy from you answered Miss Harcourt slightly confused but laughing at the same time What with your memory and your quick observation and your determined notice of little things you really are a most dangerous person to live with and if you were not more kind and indulgent and true than any body else we should all be frightened to come near you
I am glad I have some saving qualities replied Mrs Hamilton laughing also it would be rather hard to be isolated because I can read other peoples thoughts However we have entered into a compact she continued rather more seriously you will never show that you doubt Ellen and in any difficult matter come at once to me and Miss Harcourt willingly assented
The day passed much more happily than the morning could have anticipated Emmelines nursing was so affectionate and successful that Ellen was quite able to join them at dinner and her aunt had selected such a very interesting story to read aloud in which one character was a young sailor that the hours seemed to fly and then they had a long talk about poor Alice Seaton and her brother whether it would be possible for Mr Hamilton to place young Seaton in a situation that he liked better and that his health was more fitted for Ellen said she should like to see and know Alice so much for her trial must be such a very hard one that her aunt promised her she should in the midsummer holidays for Alice should then come and spend a week with them It seemed as if not to be able to wish Edward goodnight and kiss him brought back some of the pain again but she found that thinking about poor Alice and fancying how miserable she must be if she loved her aunt as dearly as she did Mrs Hamilton to be obliged to part from her as well as her brother and live at a school made her pain seem less absorbing as if to help Alice would do more toward curing it than any thing And though of course every day for a little while she seemed to miss Edward more and more still her aunts affection and her own efforts prepared her to see her uncle and cousins return and listen to all they could tell her about him without any increase of pain
PART III
SIN AND SUFFERING
CHAPTER I
ADVANCE AND RETROSPECT
Our readers must imagine that two years and four months have elapsed since our last visit to the inmates of Oakwood It was the first week in March that Edward Fortescue only wanting ten days for the completion of his fourteenth year quitted a home which was happier than any he had ever known to enter the world as a sailor and it is the 7th of June two years later the day on which Ellen Fortescue completes her fifteenth year that we recommence our narrative
Over this interval however much as we are anxious to proceed we must take a brief glance clearly to understand the aspect of the Oakwood home affairs which from the increasing age of the younger members had undergone some slight change The greatest and most keenly felt was the departure of Percy and Herbert for college the October twelvemonth after Edward had gone the house seemed actually desolate without them Percys wild jokes and inexhaustible spirits and Herberts quiet unobtrusive kindness much as they had always been truly appreciated by their home circle still scarcely seemed to have been fully felt till the young men were gone and the old house actually seemed enwrapped in a silence which it required very determined effort on the part of all who remained in the least degree to dispel
Our readers who are mothers and earnest ones will easily understand the anxious tremblings of Mrs Hamiltons heart when she parted from her boys for the world for such to spirits fresh boyish unsophisticated as they still were Oxford could not fail to be For Herbert indeed she had neither fear nor doubt no sneer no temptation no bad example would affect him in whom every passing year seemed to increase and deepen those exalted feelings which in his earliest childhood had less in them of earth than heaven His piety was so real his faith so fervent his affections so concentrated in his home and in one other individual his love and pursuit of study so ardent and unceasing his one aim to become worthy in heart and mind to serve God as his minister so ever present that he was effectually guarded even from the world Percy had none of these feelings to the same extent save his ardent love for home and its inmates—his mother above all He did indeed give every promise that the principles so carefully instilled had taken firm root and would guide his conduct in the world but Mrs Hamilton was too humbleminded—too convinced that every human effort is imperfect without the sustaining and vitalizing grace of God to rest in security as many might have done that because she had so worked so prayed she must succeed She was hopeful indeed very hopeful—how could she be otherwise when she beheld his deep though silent reverence for sacred things—his constant and increasing respect and love for his father—his devoted affection for herself—his attachment to Herbert which seemed so strangely yet so beautifully to combine almost reverence for his superior mind and holier spirit with the caressing protectiveness of an older for a younger—a stronger for a weaker There was much in all this to banish anxiety altogether but not from such a heart as Mrs Hamiltons whose very multiplicity of blessings made her often tremble and led her to the footstool of her God with a piety as humble as constant as fervent as many believe is the fruit of adversity alone
Caroline had sufficiently improved as greatly to decrease solicitude on her account though there was still a want of sufficient humility a too great proneness to trust implicitly in her own strength an inclination to prejudice and a love of admiration which all made Mrs Hamilton fear would expose her to some personal sorrow ere they were entirely overcome To produce eternal good she might not murmur at temporal suffering but her fond heart though it could anticipate it calmly for herself so shrunk from it as touching her child that the nearer approached the period of Carolines introduction to the gay world the more painfully anxious she became and the more gladly would she have retained her in the retirement of Oakwood where all her better and higher qualities alone had play But she knew this could not be and she could only trust that her anxiety would be proved as groundless with Caroline as every letter from Oxford proved it to be with Percy and endeavor to avert it by never wavering in her watchful and guiding love
Emmeline at fifteen was just the same sportive happy innocent child as she had been at twelve Her feelings were indeed still deeper her imagination more vivid her religion more fervid To her every thing was touched with poetry—it mattered not how dull and commonplace it might seem to other people but Mrs Hamiltons judicious care had so taught that Truth alone was poetry and beauty—the Ideal only lovable when its basis was the Real—that she was neither romantic nor visionary Keen as her sensibilities were even over a work of fiction they prompted the deed and act of kindness not the tear alone For miles round her fathers large domain she was known loved so felt as a guardian spirit that the very sound of her step seemed to promise joy She actually seemed to live for others—making their pleasures hers and withal so joyous especially in her own home and at Greville Manor that even anxiety seemed exorcised when she was near Before strangers indeed she would be as shy as a young fawn though even then natural kindliness of heart prompted such kindness of word and manner as always to excite the wish to see her again
Edward in the two years and a quarter which he had been away had only once occasioned anxiety Two or three months after he had sailed he wrote home in the highest terms of a certain Gilbert Harding one of the senior midshipmen of his ship from whom he had received kindness upon kindness and who being six or seven years older than himself he jestingly wrote to his aunt and uncle must certainly be the very best friend he could have chosen as he was much too old to lead him into mischief Why he Harding had taken such a fancy to him Edward could not tell but he was so excessively kind so taught him his duty and smoothed all the difficulties and disagreeables which he owned had at first seemed overwhelming that he never could be grateful enough He added that though not a general favorite with his immediate messmates he was very highly esteemed by Sir Edward Manly and his other superior officers and that the former had much commended him for his kindness to the youngest boy on board which Edward was It was very easy to perceive that young Fortescues susceptible affections had all been not only attracted but already riveted by this new friend All the young party at Oakwood rejoiced at it Mrs Hamilton would have done so also had she not perceived an anxious expression on her husbands face which alarmed her He did not however make any remark till he had spoken to Mr Howard and then imparted to his wife alone not choosing to create suspicion in the open hearts of his children that this Gilbert Harding though very young at the time had been one of the principal actors in the affair which had caused Mr Howard to dismiss his pupils as we related in a former page that his very youth for he could scarcely have been more than eleven or twelve and determined hardihood so marked natural depravity that Mr Howard had had less hope for him than for any of the others This opinion had been borne out by his after conduct at home but the affair had been successfully hushed up by his family and by immense interest he been permitted to enter the navy where it was said his youthful errors had been so redeemed and his courage and conduct altogether had so won him applause that no farther fears were entertained for him Mr Howard alone retained his opinion that the disposition was naturally bad and doubted the internal response to the seeming outward good and he was grieved and anxious beyond measure when he heard that he was not only on board the same ship as Edward but already his favorite companion and most trusted friend His anxiety of course extended itself to Mr and Mrs Hamilton to such a degree that at the first moment they would gladly have endeavored to exchange his ship but this would have seemed very strange to Sir Edward Manly who was one of Mr Hamiltons most valued friends He had in fact actually delayed Edwards becoming a midshipman till Sir Edward could take him in his own ship and now to place him elsewhere was really impossible and after all though he might be removed from Hardings influence how could his anxious guardians know all with whom he might be thrown They were obliged to content themselves with writing earnestly and affectionately to Edward and painful as it was to throw a doubt and shade over such youthful confidence and affection implored him not to trust too implicitly in Harding that his character had not always been free from stain that he Edward was still so young and so susceptible he might find that he had imbibed principles and been tempted to wrong almost unconsciously and suffer from its effects when too late to escape They wrote as affectionately and indulgently as they could—Mr Howard as well as his aunt and uncle but still they felt that it certainly did appear cruel to warn a young warm heart to break off the first friendship it had formed especially as he beheld that friend approved of by his captain and looked up to by the crew And that Edwards reply was somewhat cold though he did promise caution and assure them he had not so forgotten the influences and principles of Oakwood as to allow any one to lead him into error did not surprise them He never referred to Harding again except sometimes casually to mention his companionship or some act which had won him approval and they really hoped their letters had had at least the effect of putting him on his guard Sir Edward Manlys own reply to Mr Hamiltons anxious appeal to him however succeeded in quieting their fears he assured them he had seen nothing in Hardings conduct since he had been at sea to render him an unfit companion for any boy that he had heard of some boyish faults but it was rather hard he was to suffer from them as a man and he assured his friends that he would keep a strict lookout after young Fortescue and the first appearance of a change in a character which young as he was he could not help loving should be inquired into and the friendship ended by sending Harding to some other ship So wrote Sir Edward Manly with the fullest possible intention to perform and Edwards anxious friends were happy more especially as letter after letter brought praises of the young sailor from captain officers and crew and his own epistles though brief were affectionate and satisfactory
It was happy for Mr and Mrs Hamilton and Mr Howard too that they were ignorant of the multiplicity of great and little things which could not fail to engross the mind of Sir Edward Manly who was not only captain of the Prince William a gallant seventyfour but commander of the little flotilla which accompanied him or they could not have rested so secure Happy for them too during those years of separation that they were not perfectly acquainted with Edwards real weakness of character or of the fearful extent of mischief which the influences of his first twelve years had engendered Had he remained at Oakwood till nineteen or twenty it is probable they would have been insensibly conquered and the impressions of good which he had appeared so readily to receive really taken root and guided his after life but eighteen months could not do this as Mrs Hamilton would have felt had she known all the effect of her sisters illjudged partiality and indulgence but this as we have already mentioned was concealed from her by the bright lovable winning qualities which alone were uppermost Our readers in fact know more of Edward if they have at all thought of his conduct in so frequently allowing his sister to suffer for him than his aunt penetrative as she was and therefore in the events we shall have occasion to relate we trust that Mrs Hamilton will not appear an inconsistent character inasmuch that one in general so successfully observant should fail in penetration when most needed
Edwards life at Oakwood had been so very happy its pleasures and indulgences so innocent so numerous that he did not himself know his liability to temptation from the excessive love of pleasure which his mothers indiscreet indulgence had originally infused The control which his uncle and Mr Howard exercised over him had been so very gentle and forbearing that he had scarcely ever felt the inclination to exert selfwill and when it so chanced that he had Ellen had covered his fault or borne its penalty for him He thought he had guided himself when in fact he was guided but this could no longer be the case when one of the little world which thronged a firstrate manofwar Outward actions were indeed under control but what captain the most earnest most able in the world could look into and guide the hearts of all those committed to his care And almost the first action of Edwards unbiased will was indignantly to tear into shreds and scatter to the winds and the waves those affectionate and warning letters and cling the more closely to rest the more confidingly on Harding for the wrong that he thought he had done him by allowing his eye even to rest for a moment on such base unfounded aspersions on his name
When Mrs Hamilton told Ellen that her letters to her brother and his to her should never be subjected to any scrutiny but their own she acted on a principle which many parents and guardians would consider as highflown and romantic and which she herself had most painful reason to regret—the effects at least but not the principle itself for that was based on too refined a feeling to waver even though she suffered from it She could not bear nor could her husband the system which prevailed in some families of their acquaintance that their children could neither receive nor write letters to each other or their intimate friends without being shown to their seniors As for opening and reading a letter directed to one of them before its possessor saw it as they had seen done it was in their estimation as much dishonor and as mean as if such a thing had been done to an adult Perfect confidence in their home they had indeed instilled and that confidence was never withheld There was a degree of suspicion attached to a demand always to see what a child had written or received from which Mrs Hamiltons pure mind actually shrunk in loathing In the many months the Grahame family passed in London Annie and Caroline corresponded without the least restraint no doubt many would pronounce Mrs Hamilton very unwise knowing Annie so well and trembling for Caroline as she did but as she told Miss Harcourt she had some notions peculiar to herself they always had the sanction and sympathy of her husband however and this was one of them She was always pleased and interested in all that her children read to her either from their own epistles or those they received and if they wished it read them herself but she never asked to do so and the consequence was that the most perfect confidence was given
When Ellen and Edward parted they were both so young that Mr Hamilton had hesitated as to whether his wife was quite justified in the perfect trust with which she treated them and whether it would not be wiser to overlook their correspondence but Mrs Hamilton so argued that their very youth was their safeguard that they were all in all to each other and as such she wished them to feel they were bound by even a closer and a fonder tie than that of brother and sister under other circumstances so won over her husband that he yielded and from the long extracts that Ellen would read of Edwards letters to the family in general and of her own to her aunt he was quite satisfied as to the wisdom of his wifes judgment
For full a year after Edwards departure Ellens conduct and general improvement had given her aunt nothing but pleasure even Miss Harcourts and Carolines prejudice was nearly removed though at times the fancy would steal over both that she was not exactly what she seemed and that that which was hidden was not exactly that which Mrs Hamilton believed it and this fancy strengthened by a certain indefinable yet felt change in Ellen commencing about thirteen months after she had parted from her brother Mrs Hamilton herself for some time strove against belief but at length she could no longer conceal from herself that Ellen was becoming reserved again and fearful at times almost shrinking and sad as in her childhood The openness and almost lightheartedness which for one brief year had so characterized her seemed completely but so insensibly to have gone that Mrs Hamilton could not satisfy herself as to the time of the commencement or reason of the change Her temper too became fitful and altogether her aunts anxiety and bewilderment as to her real character returned in full force Once when gently questioned as to why her temper was so altered Ellen confessed with tears that she knew it was but she could not help it she believed she was not well and Mrs Hamilton called in Mr Maitland who said that she really was in a highly nervous state and required care and quietness and the less notice that was taken of her momentary irritability or depression the better Little did the worthy man imagine how his young patient blessed him for these words giving a reason for and so allowing the trepidation which paled her cheek parched her lips and made her hand so tremble when she received a letter from her brother to pass unnoticed
But change in manner was not all almost every second or third month Ellens allowance of pocketmoney which was unusually liberal as Mrs Hamilton wished to accustom her girls from an early age to purchase some few articles of dress for themselves and so learn the value of money most strangely and mysteriously disappeared Ellen either could not or would not give any account of it and of course it not only exposed her to her aunts most serious displeasure but inexpressibly heightened not only Mrs Hamiltons bewilderment and anxiety but Miss Harcourts and Carolines unspoken prejudice From the time of Edwards departure Ellen had never been discovered in or suspected of either uttering or acting an untruth but her silence her apparent determined ignorance of or resolution not to confess the cause of the incomprehensible disappearance of her allowance naturally compelled Mrs Hamilton to revert to the propensity of her childhood and fear that truthfulness was again deserting her Her displeasure lasting of course the longer from Ellens want of openness and the air of what almost appeared to her anxious yet still affectionate aunt like sullen defiance in reality it was almost despair when spoken to caused a painful degree of estrangement between them always however giving place to Mrs Hamiltons usual caressing manner the moment Ellen seemed really repentant and her months expenditure could be properly explained
For six or eight months before the day on which we recommence our narrative there had been however nothing to complain of in Ellen except still that unnatural reserve and frequent depression as if dreading something she knew not what which as every other part of her conduct was satisfactory Mrs Hamilton tried to comfort herself was physical alone No reference to the past was ever made her manner to her niece became the same as usual but she could not feel secure as to her character and what was most painful there were times when she was compelled to doubt even Ellens affection for herself a thing she had never had the slightest cause to do even when she was a little inanimate child
But very few changes had taken place in the Greville and Grahame families Mrs Grevilles trial continued in unmitigated if not heightened bitterness the example the companionship of his father had appeared to have blighted every good seed which she had strenuously endeavored to plant in the bosom of her son At sixteen he was already an accomplished man of the world in its most painful sense he had his own companions his own haunts scarcely ever visiting his home for a reason which could his poor mother have known it would have given her some slight gleam of comfort He could not associate either with her or his sister without feeling a sort of loathing of himself a longing to be to them as Percy and Herbert Hamilton were at Oakwood and not having the moral courage sufficient to break from the control of his father and the exciting pleasures in which that control initiated him he shrunk more and more from the only spot in which better feelings were so awakened within him as to give him pain To deaden this unacknowledged remorse his manner was rude and unfeeling so that his very visits though inexpressibly longed for by his mother brought only increase of grief
Mrs Greville seemed herself so inured to suffering that she bore up against it without any visible failing of health struggling against its enervating effects more perhaps than she was aware of herself for the sake of one treasure still granted her—her own almost angel Mary—who she knew without her love and constant cheerfulness must sink beneath such a constant aggravated trial Yet that very love brought increase of anxiety from more than one cause As yet there was no change in their manner of living but Mrs Greville knew that from the excesses of her husband and son there very soon must be Ruin poverty all its fearful ills stood before her in perspective and how could Marys fragile frame and gentle spirit bear up against them Again and again the question pressed upon her—Did Herbert Hamilton indeed love her child as every passing year seemed to confirm and if he did would—could his parents consent to his union with the child of such a father the sister of such a brother There were always long messages to Mary in Herberts letters to his mother which Mrs Hamilton not only delivered herself but sometimes even put the whole letter into Marys hand and at last laughingly said she really thought they had much better write to each other as then she should chance to get a letter all to herself not merely be the medium of a communication between them and Mary though she did slightly blush which she was in the habit of doing for scarcely any thing seemed to think it so perfectly natural that she merely said if Herbert had time to write to her she should like it very much and would certainly answer him
My dear Emmeline what are you about was Mrs Grevilles anxious appeal the moment they were alone
Giving pleasure to two young folks of whom I am most excessively fond was Mrs Hamiltons laughing reply Dont look so terrified my dear Jessie They love each other as boy and girl now and if the love should deepen into that of man and woman why all I can say is—I would rather have your Mary for my Herbert than any one else I know
She is not only my Mary answered the poor mother with such a quivering of the eye and lip that it checked Mrs Hamiltons joyousness at once
She is your Mary in all that can make such a character as my Herbert happy was her instant reply with a pressure of Mrs Grevilles hand that said far more than her words I am not one of those who like to make matches in anticipation for mans best laid schemes are so often overthrown by the most trifling but unforeseen chances that display a much wiser providence than our greatest wisdom that I should consider it almost sinful so to do but never let a thought of suffering cross your mind dearest Jessie as to what my husbands and my own answer will be if our Herbert should indeed ever wish to choose your Mary as his wife and certainly a most important addition should she wish it too Our best plan now is to let them follow their own inclinations regarding correspondence We can I am sure trust them both for what can be a greater proof of my boys perfect confidence in my sympathy with his feelings toward her than to make me his messenger as he has done and as he no doubt will continue to do even if he write I have not the smallest doubt that he will inclose me his letters to her unsealed and I rather think your Mary will send me her replies in the same unreserved manner
And she was right Nor we think did the purity and innocence of those letters so intensely interesting to each other give place to any other style even when they chanced to discover that Mrs Hamilton was utterly ignorant of their contents except that which they chose to read or impart to her themselves
But even this assurance on the part of one so loved and trusted as Mrs Hamilton could not entirely remove Mrs Grevilles vague anticipations of evil Mr Greville always shunned and declared he hated the Hamilton family but as he seemed to entertain the same feeling toward herself and her poor Mary she tried to comfort herself by the idea that he would never trouble his head about his daughter or be glad to get her out of his way especially if she married well Still anxiety for the future would press upon her only calmed by her firm unchanging faith in that gracious everwatchful Providence who if in spite of her heavy troubles she still tried to trust and serve would order all things for the best and it was this this faith alone which so supported her as to permit her to make her childs home and heart almost as happy as if her path had all been smooth
In the Grahame family a change had taken place in Master Cecils being sent to Eton some time before his father had intended but so many cases of Lady Helens faulty indolence and ruinous indulgence had come under his notice that he felt to remove the boy from her influence must be accomplished at any cost Cecil was quite delighted but his mother was so indignant that she overcame her habitual awe of her husband sufficiently to vow that she would not live so far from her son and if he must go to school she must leave Moorlands Grahame with equal positiveness declared that he would not give up a home endeared to him so long nor to entirely break off his companionship with his dearest friends A very stormy dialogue of course took place and ended by both parties being more resolved to entertain their own opinion The interposition of Mr and Mrs Hamilton however obtained some concession on Grahames part and he promised that if Lady Helen would make Moorlands her home from the middle of July till the end of October November and December should be spent in the vicinity of Eton and she should then have six months for London and its attractions This concession brought back all Lady Helens smiles and charmed Annie though it was a source of real regret to Caroline who could not help feeling a little pained at her friends small concern at this long separation from her But still she loved her and as Annie wrote frequently and when she was at Moorlands never tired of her society the eight months of absence giving her so much interesting matter to impart Caroline was not only satisfied but insensible to the utter want of sympathy which Annie manifested in her pursuits her pleasures Mrs Hamilton often wished that Caroline had chosen one more deserving of her friendship but she trusted that time and experience would teach her Annies real character and so did not feel any anxiety on that score
There was only one member in Grahames family that Mr and Mrs Hamilton hoped might bring joy and comfort to their friend and that was his little Lilla She was five years younger than Annie and being much less attractive seemed almost forgotten and so was spared the dangerous ordeal of flattery and indulgence to which Annie had been subject and from being more violent and less agreeable than Cecil was not so frequently spoiled by her mother They feared the poor child would have much to endure from her own temper Annies overbearing insolence and Lady Helens culpable indolence but Mrs Hamilton hoped when she resided part of the year in London as she felt she would very soon be called upon to do to be enabled to rouse Grahames attention toward his youngest child and prevail on him to relax in his sternness toward her and by taking notice of her continually herself instill such feelings in her as would attract her toward her father and so increase the happiness of both Every visit of the Grahame family to Moorlands she resolved to study Lilla well and try all she could to make one in reality so estimable as her husbands friend happy in one child at least
It had been Mr and Mrs Hamiltons intention to go to London the January after Caroline was seventeen and give her the advantage of finishing masters and a partial introduction to the world by having the best society at home before she launched into all its exciting pleasures to return to Oakwood in July or August and revisit the metropolis the following February or March for the season when as she would be eighteen and a half she should be fully introduced Caroline of course anticipated this period with intense delight She was quite satisfied that in her first visit she should study as much as if not more than before and content and thankful that her mother would allow her to enter so far into society as always to join dinner or evening parties at home and go to some of her most intimate friends when their coteries were very small and friendly and another eagerly anticipated delight sometimes go to the opera and the best concerts and visit all the galleries of art
To poor Emmeline these anticipations gave no pleasure whatever she hated the very thought of leaving Oakwood firmly convinced that not the most highly intellectual nor the most delightful social enjoyment in London could equal the pure delights of Devonshire and home Ellen seemed too engrossed with her own thoughts to evince a feeling either way much to her aunts regret as her constant quietness and seeming determined repression of her sentiments rendered her character still more difficult to read
But a heavy disappointment was preparing for Caroline in the compelled postponement of her bright anticipations to understand the causes of which, we must glance back on an event in the Hamilton family which had occurred some years before its present head was born In the early part of the reign of George the Third Arthur Hamilton the grandfather of our friend of the same name had been sent by government to the coast of Denmark his estimable character so won him the regard of the reigning sovereign Christian VII that on his departure the royal wish was expressed for his speedy return—On his voyage home he was wrecked off the Feroe Islands and rescued from danger and death by the strenuous exertions of the islanders who entertained him and the crew with the utmost hospitality till their ship was again seaworthy During his involuntary detention Mr Hamilton became deeply interested in the Feroese a people living it seemed in the midst of desolation a cluster of small rocky islets divided by some hundred miles of stormy sea from their fellows He made the tour of the islands and found almost all their inhabitants possessing the same characteristics as those of Samboe the island off which he had been wrecked kind hospitable honest temperate inclined to natural piety but so perfectly indifferent to the various privations and annoyances of their lot as to make no effort toward removing them Traveling either by land or sea was so dangerous and difficult that in some parishes the clergyman could only perform service twice a year3 or once every one two or three months The islands in which the clergyman resided were Mr Hamilton observed in a much higher state of civilization and morality than Samboe and some others and an earnest desire took possession of him to do some real service for those who had saved him from danger and treated him so hospitably He very speedily acquired their language which gave him still more influence He found also that if their ancient customs and traditions were left undisturbed they were very easily led and this discovery strengthened his purpose—His departure was universally regretted and his promise to return imagined too great a privilege to be believed
As soon as his political duties in England permitted Mr Hamilton revisited Denmark and was received with such cordiality as to encourage him to make his petition for the improvement of his majestys poor subjects of Samboe It was granted directly the little island so far made over to him that he was at liberty to introduce and erect whatever he pleased within it and Mr Hamilton all eagerness for the perfection of his plans returned with speed to England obtained the valuable aid of a poor though worthy clergyman who with his wife voluntarily offered to make Samboe their home and assist their benefactor for such Mr Hamilton had long been to the very best of their ability A strongbuilt vessel was easily procured and a favorable voyage soon transported them to Feroe The delight of the Samboese at beholding their former guest again prepossessed Mr and Mrs Wilson in their favor and Mr Hamilton before his six months sojourn with them was over beheld the island in a fair way of religious and moral improvement—Schools were formed and masters appointed—houses were made more comfortable—women and young children more cared for and employments found and sufficiently rewarded to encourage persevering labor Three or four times Mr Hamilton visited the island again before his death and each time he had more reason to be satisfied with the effect of his schemes Mr and Mrs Wilson were perfectly happy Their son was united to the pretty and excellent daughter of one of the Danish clergymen and a young family was blooming round them so that there seemed a fair promise of the ministry of Samboe continuing long in charge of the same family
Mr Hamilton on his deathbed exacted a promise from his son that he would not permit the island to fall back into its old habits but that if required he would visit it himself The visit was not required but Percy Hamilton the father of the present possessor of Oakwood from respect to his fathers memory made a voyage to Samboe on the demise of the elder Wilson He found every thing flourishing and happy Frederic Wilson had been received as their pastor and head with as much joy as their regret for his father would permit and Mr Hamilton returned to England satisfied with himself and inexpressibly touched by the veneration still entertained in that distant island for his father The same promise was demanded by him from his son and Arthur Hamilton had visited Feroe directly after the loss of his parent and before his engagement with Miss Manvers He found it in the same satisfactory condition as his predecessors had done and the letters he regularly received confirmed it but for the last year and a half he had received no tidings Frederic Wilson he knew was dead but his last account had told him his eldest son who had been educated in Denmark had been gladly received by the simple people and promised fair to be as much loved and do the same good as his father and grandfather The silence then was incomprehensible and Mr Hamilton had resolved if another year passed without intelligence it would be a positive duty to visit it himself
CHAPTER II
A LETTER AND ITS CONSEQUENCES
It was the seventh of June and one of those glorious mornings when Nature looks lovelier than ever The windows of the breakfastroom were thrown widely open and never did the superb trees of Oakwood Park look richer or display a greater variety of green The flowergarden on part of which the breakfastroom opened was actually dazzling with its profusion of brilliant flowers on which the sun looked down so gloriously a smooth lawn whose green was a perfect emerald stretched down from the parterre till it was lost in woody openings which disclosed the winding river that lying as a lake on one side appeared to sweep round some exquisite scenery on the opposite side and form another lake about a mile further It was Emmelines favorite view and she always declared that it so varied its aspects of loveliness she was sure it never looked two mornings exactly alike and so long would she stand and admire that her mother often threatened to send her her breakfast in her own room where the view though picturesque would not so completely turn her attention from the dull realities of life There were some letters on the table this morning so she had a longer time to drink in poetry than usual
Who can offer Ellen a more precious birthdaygift than mine exclaimed Mrs Hamilton playfully holding up a letter as her niece entered I wonder if Edward remembered how near his sister was to fifteen and so wrote on the chance of your receiving it on the day itself
Why Ellen what a queer effect pleasure has on you I always notice you turn quite pale whenever Edwards letters are given to you interposed Emmeline looking at her cousin and laughing I am sure the very hurry I am in to open Percys and Herberts must give me a color and you are as deliberate as if you did not care about it I do wish you would not be so cold and quiet
One giddy brain is quite enough in a house rejoined her father in the same mirthful tone and looking up from his letter he called Ellen to him and kissed her I forgot the day of the month my little girl but I am not too late I hope to say God bless you and wish that every year may pass more happily more usefully and more prepared for eternity than the last
I do not think you have forgotten it my dear uncle replied Ellen gratefully she had not yet opened her brothers letter for my aunt says I am to thank you as well as her for this beautiful birthday gift and she displayed an elegant little gold watch indeed I do not know how to thank you for all your kindness she added so earnestly that tears came to her eyes
I will say as I have heard your aunt often say—by trying to be a little more lively and unreserved my dear Ellen that would prove our kindness and affection made you happy better than any thing but I am not going to lecture you on your birthday and with a letter from Edward in your hand he continued smiling Open it my dear I want to know its date I rather think my friend Manlys must be written later
Nothing in it for me Ellen asked her aunt What a lazy boy he has grown
An inclosure for you Ellen why that is as queer as your paleness said Emmeline
Do let your cousins paleness alone interposed Mrs Hamilton gayly I really can not perceive she has any less color than usual and as for the inclosure Edward often has something to add at the last moment and no room to insert it and so there is nothing remarkable in his using another half sheet
Emmeline always creates wonders out of shadows said Caroline dryly
And you never see any thing but dull coarse heavy realities laughed her sister in reply Come Ellen tell us something of this idle brother of yours who promised to write to me every packet and never does
Ellen read nearly the whole letter aloud and it was unusually entertaining for the ship had been cruising about the last month and Edward described the various scenes and new places he had visited more lengthily than usual He anticipated with great glee an engagement with some desperate pirates whose track they were pursuing
Does he mention an engagement inquired Mr Hamilton
No uncle he concludes quite abruptly saying they have just piped all hands and he must be off The direction does not seem his writing
Nor is it Sir Edward sealed directed and put it up for him in his own to me They had piped all hands as he calls it because the pirate ship was in sight and an engagement did take place
And Edward—oh uncle is he hurt I am sure he is by your face exclaimed Ellen trembling and all the little circle looked alarmed
Then my face is a deceiver replied Mr Hamilton quite cheerfully He only received a slight flesh wound in his right arm which prevented his using it to complete his letter and I rather think he would have willingly been hurt still more to receive such praises as Sir Edward lavishes on him Listen to what he says—Not a boy or man on board distinguished himself more than your nephew in fact I am only astonished he escaped as he did for those pirates are desperate fighters and when we boarded them Fortescue was in the midst of them fighting like a young lion Courage and gallantry are such dazzling qualities in a young lad that we think more of them perhaps than we ought but I can not say too much for your nephew I have not a lad more devoted to his duty I was glad to show him my approbation by giving him some days liberty when we were off New York but I have since told him the air of land certainly did not agree with him for he has looked paler and thinner ever since He is growing very fast and altogether if I have occasion to send another prize schooner home I think it not improbable I shall nominate him as one of the officers that he may have the benefit of the healthful breezes of Old England to bring back his full strength There Ellen I think that is a still better birthdaypresent than even Edwards own letter I am as proud of my nephew as Sir Edward is
And do you think he really will come asked Ellen trying to conquer her emotion
We will hope it dearest replied her aunt kindly But do not think too much about it even if Sir Edward be not able to do as he says His own ship will be coming home in a year or two and you owned to me yourself this morning it did not seem as long as it really is since our dear sailor left us so the remaining time will soon pass Finish your breakfast and go love and enjoy his letter again to yourself
And Ellen gladly obeyed for it was from no imaginary cause that the receipt of Edwards letters so often paled her cheek and parched her lip with terror She knew that concerning him which none else but Harding did and even when those letters imparted nothing but that which she could read to her family the dread was quite enough to banish any thing like the elastic happiness natural to her age and called for by the kindness of those she loved His letter this time however had not a word to call for that sickness of the heart with which she had received it and she read it again and again with a thankfulness too intense for words
You dropped this Ellen dear said the voice of her cousin Emmeline at her door ten minutes after she left the breakfastroom It was under the table and I do not think you have read it it is the inclosure I was so amused at
I dare say it is a letter written for some other opportunity and forgotten to be sent it is only a few words replied Ellen as she looked at its length not at its meaning for the fearful lesson of quiet unconcern when the heart is bursting had been too early learned
Then I will leave you in peace bytheby cousin mine papa told me to tell you that as the Prince William is soon going to cruise again your answer to Edward must be ready this day week the latest and mamma says if you like to write part of it now that all Edwards little lovespeeches are fresh in your mind you can do so it is your birthday and you may spend it as you like How I shall enjoy making a lion of my cousin when he comes—and away tripped the happy girl singing some wild snatch of an old ballad about sailors
Ellen shut the door secured it and with a lip and cheek colorless as her robe an eye strained and bloodshot read the following words—few indeed
Ellen I am again in that villains power and for a sum so trifling that it maddens me to think I can not discharge it without again appealing to you I had resolved never to play again—and again some demon lured me to those Hells If I do not pay him by my next receipts from home he will expose me and what then—disgrace expulsion death for I will not survive it there are easy means of selfdestruction to a sailor and who shall know but that he is accidentally drowned You promised me to save part of every allowance in case I needed it If you would indeed save me send me fiveandthirty pounds Ellen by some means I must have it but breathe it to my uncle or aunt—for if she knows it he will—and you will never see me more
For one long hour Ellen never moved Her brain felt scorched her limbs utterly powerless Every word seemed to write itself in letters of fire on her heart and brain till she could almost have screamed from the dread agony and then came the heavy weight so often felt before but never crushing every thought and energy as now the seeming utter impossibility to comply with that fearfully urged demand He called it a sum so trifling and she felt a hundred ay a thousand pounds were not more difficult to obtain She had saved indeed denying herself every little indulgence every personal gratification spending only what she was obliged and yet compelled to let her aunt believe she had properly expended all that she might have the means of sending him money when he demanded it without exposing herself to doubt and displeasure as before but in the eight months since his last call she had only been enabled to put by fifteen pounds not half the sum he needed How was she to get the rest and she had so buoyed herself with the fond hope that even if he did write for help again she could send it to him so easily—and now—her mind seemed actually to reel beneath the intense agony of these desperate words She was too young too believing and too terrorstricken to doubt for a moment the alternative he placed before her with a vividness a desperation of which he was unconscious himself Those words spoken would have been terrible almost awful in one so young—though a brief interval would have sufficiently calmed both the hearer and the speaker to satisfy that they were but words and that selfdestruction is never breathed if really intended but written the writer at a distance imagination at liberty to heighten every terror every reality their reader a young loving girl utterly ignorant of the worlds ways and temptations and the many errors to which youth is subject but from which manhood may spring up unsullied and so believing almost crushed by the belief that her brother the only one her own—respected beloved as he was said to be—had yet committed such faults as would hurl him from his present position to the lowest depth of degradation for what else could tempt him to swear not to survive it Was it marvel that poor Ellen was only conscious that she must save him—Again did her dying mother stand before her—again did her wellremembered voice beseech her to save him her darling beautiful Edward from disgrace and punishment—reiterate that her word was pledged and she must do it and if she suffered—had she not done so from infancy—and what was her happiness to his Define why it should be of less moment indeed she could not It was the fatal influences of her childhood working alone
How that day passed Ellen never knew She had been too long accustomed to control to betray her internal suffering terror for Edward seemed to endow her with additional self command except by a deadly paleness which even her aunt at length remarked It was quite evening and the party were all scattered when Mrs Hamilton discovered Ellen sitting in one of the deep recesses of the windows her work in her lap her hands clasped tightly together and her eyes fixed on the beautiful scenery of the park but not seeing a single object
My dear Ellen I am going to scold you so prepare was her aunts lively address as she approached and stood by her You need not start so guiltily and look so very terrified but confess that you are thinking about Edward and worrying yourself that he is not quite so strong as he was and magnifying his wound till you fancy it something very dreadful when I dare say if the truth were told he himself is quite proud of it come confess and I will only give you a very little lecture for your excessive silliness
Ellen looked up in her face that kind voice that affectionate smile that caressing constantlyforgiving love would they again all be forfeited again give way to coldness loss of confidence heightened displeasure How indeed she was to act she knew not she only knew there must be concealment the very anticipation of which seemed too terrible to bear and she burst into an agony of tears
Why Ellen—my dear child—you can not be well to let either the accounts of your brother or my threatened scolding so affect you and on your birthday too Why all the old women would say it was such a bad omen that you would be unhappy all the year round Come this will never do I must lecture in earnest if you do not try to conquer this unusual weakness We have much more to be thankful for in Sir Edwards account of our dear sailor than to cry about he might have been seriously wounded or maimed and what would you have felt then I wonder if he will find as much change in you as we shall in him If you are not quite strong and quite well and quite happy to greet him when he comes I shall consider my care insulted and punish you accordingly Still no smile What is the matter dearest Are you really not well again
Ellen made a desperate effort conquered her tears and tried to converse cheerfully It was absolute agony to hear Edwards name but she nerved herself to do so to acknowledge she was thinking of him and that it was very silly to worry about such a slight wound and when Mrs Hamilton proposed that they should walk over to Greville Manor and tell the good news to Mrs Greville and Mary acquiesced with apparent pleasure
Ah do mamma you have not asked me but I shall go notwithstanding exclaimed Emmeline springing through the open window with her usual airy step
Why Emmeline I thought you were going to the village with your sister
No she and Miss Harcourt were talking much too soberly to suit me this evening Then I went to tease papa but he let me do just what I pleased being too engrossed with some disagreeable farmers to notice me so in despair I came here Why Ellen you look as if this were any day but what it is unless you cry because you are getting old which I am very often inclined to do only think I am sixteen next December—how dreadful I do wish my birthday were in June
And what difference would that make
A great deal mamma only look how lovely every thing is now nature is quite juvenile and has dressed herself in so many colors and seems to promise so many more beauties that whether we will or no we must feel gay and young but in December though it is very delightful in the house it is so drear and withered without that if born in such a season one must feel withered too
When do you intend to speak in prose Emmeline
Never if I can help it mamma but I must learn the lesson before I go to London I suppose that horrid London that is one reason why I regret the years going so fast I know I shall leave all my happiness here
You will be more ungrateful than I believe you if you do replied her mother So pray banish such foolish fancies as fast as you can for if you encourage them I shall certainly suppose that it is only Oakwood you love and that neither your father nor myself nor any member of your family has any part in your affections for we shall be with you wherever you are
Dear mamma I spoke at random forgive me replied Emmeline instantly selfreproached I am indeed the giddy brain papa calls me but you can not tell how I love this dear old home
Indeed I think I can my dear child loving it as I do myself but come we shall have no time for our visit if we do not go at once
Days passed and were each followed by such sleepless feverish nights that Ellen felt it almost a miracle that she could so seem so act as to excite no notice The image of her dying mother never left her night or day mingled with the horrid scene of her fathers death and Edward disgraced expelled and seeking death by his own hand There was only one plan that seemed in the least feasible and that was to send to him or sell herself the watch she had received on her birthday and if that was not enough some few trinkets which had been her mothers and which the last six months her aunt had given into her own care She ventured casually to inquire if there were any opportunity of sending a parcel to Edward but the answer was in the negative and increased her difficulty The only person she dared even to think of so far intrusting with her deep distress and anxiety for money but not its cause was widow Langford the mother of Robert the young gentlemens attendant whom we have had occasion more than once to mention and the former nurse of all Mr and Mrs Hamiltons children She occupied a cottage on the outskirts of the park and was not only a favorite with all the young party Ellen included for she generally came to nurse her in her many illnesses but was regarded with the greatest confidence and affection by Mr and Mrs Hamilton themselves They had endeavored to return her unwavering fidelity and active service by taking her only child Robert into their family when only seven placing him under the immediate charge of Morris the steward and of course living in the same house of his mother also and when fifteen making him personal attendant to Percy and Herbert who were then about ten and eleven years old An older and more experienced domestic had however accompanied the young men to college and Robert remained employed in many little confidential services for his master at Oakwood
To widow Langford Ellen tried to resolve that she would apply but her fearful state of mental agony had not marked the lapse of time or had caused her to forget that her letter must be ready in a week The party were all going a delightful excursion and to drink tea at Greville Manor so that they would not be home till quite late but in the morning Ellen though she had dressed for going out appeared to have every symptom of such a violent headache that her aunt advised her remaining quietly at home and she assented with eagerness refusing every offer of companionship saying if the pain went off she could quite amuse herself and if it continued quietness and Elliss nursing were the best things for her
But give me your letter before we go out Ellen I am only waiting for it to close mine to Sir Edward Why my dear have you forgotten I told you it must be ready by today her uncle added surprised at her exclamation that she had not finished it It must be done and sent to T— before four today so I do hope your head will allow you to write for Edward will be woefully disappointed if there be not a line from you especially as from his ship cruising about it may be several weeks before he can hear again I must leave my letter with you to inclose Edwards and seal up and pray see that it goes in time
Ellen tried to promise that it should but her tongue actually clove to the roof of her mouth but all the party dispersing at the moment her silence was unnoticed Mr Hamilton gave her his letter and in half an hour afterward she was alone She sat for nearly an hour in her own room with her desk before her her face buried in her hands and her whole frame shaking as with an ague
It must be she said at length and unlocking a drawer took thence a small cross and one or two other trinkets put them up and taking off her watch looked at it with such an expression of suffering that it seemed as if she could not go on carefully folded it up with the other trinkets and murmuring If nurse Langford will but take these and lend me the twenty pounds till she can dispose of them I may save him yet—and if she betray me—if she tell my aunt afterward at least only I shall suffer they will not suspect him But oh—to lose—to be doubted hated which I must be at last Oh mother mother Why may I not tell my aunt she would not disgrace him And again she crouched down cowed by that fearful struggle to the very earth After a few minutes it passed and deliberately putting on her bonnet and shawl she took up her trinkets and set off to the widows cottage her limbs so trembling that she knew not how she should accomplish even that short walk
The wind was unusually high although the day was otherwise lovely and she was scarcely able to stand against the strong breeze especially as every breath seemed to increase the pain in her temples but she persisted The nearest path lay through a thick shrubbery almost a wood which the family never used and in fact the younger members were prohibited from taking but secrecy and haste were all which at that moment entered Ellens mind She felt so exhausted by the wind blowing the branches and leaves noisily and confusedly around that on reaching a sort of grassy glade more open than her previous path she sat down a minute on a mossy stone The wind blew some withered sticks and leaves toward her and among them two or three soiled pieces of thin paper stained with damp one of which she raised mechanically and started up with a wild cry and seized the others almost unconsciously She pressed her hands over her eyes and her lips moved in the utterance of thanksgiving Saved—Edward and myself too—some guardian angel must have sent them if not actually spoken were so distinctly uttered in her heart that she thought she heard them and she retraced her steps so swiftly—so gladly the very pain and exhaustion were unfelt She wrote for half an hour intently—eagerly though that which she wrote she knew not herself and never could recall She took from the secret drawer of her desk that secret drawer which when Percy had so laughingly showed her the secret of its spring telling her nobody but himself knew it she little thought she should have occasion so to use some bank notes of two three and five pounds each making the fifteen she had so carefully hoarded and placed with them the two she had found As she did so she discovered that two had clung so closely together that the sum was five pounds more than she wanted Still as acting under the influence of some spell she carelessly put one aside sealed up the packet to Edward inclosed it in her uncles to Sir Edward Manly and dispatched it full four hours before the hour Mr Hamilton had named It was gone and she sat down to breathe Some impulse never experienced before urged her instead of destroying Edwards desperate letter as she had done similar appeals to retain it in a blank envelop in that same secret drawer As she tried to rouse herself from a sort of stupor which was strangely creeping over her her eye caught the five pound note which she had not had occasion to use and a thought of such overwhelming wretchedness rushed upon her as effectually for the moment to disperse that stupor and prostrate her in an agony of supplication before her God
What have I done—if her almost maddening thoughts could have found words such they would have been—How dared I appropriate that money without one question—one thought—as to whom it could belong Sent me No no Who could have sent it Great God of Mercy Oh if Thy wrath must fall on a guilty one pour it on me but spare spare my brother I have sinned but I meant it not—thought not of it—knew not what I did Thou knowest Thou alone canst know the only thought of that moment—the agony of this No suffering no wrath can be too great for me but oh spare him
How long that withering agony lasted Ellen knew not nor whether her tears fell or lay scorching her eyes and heart The note lay before her like some hideous specter from which she vainly tried to turn What could she do with it Take it back to the spot where the others had been blown to her She tried to rise to do so but to her own terror she found she was so powerless that she actually could not walk With desperate calmness she placed it in the little secret drawer put up the remainder of her papers closed and locked her desk and laid down upon her bed for she could sit up no longer Ellis came to her with an inquiry after her head and if she could take her dinner Ellen asked for a cup of coffee and to be left quite quiet instead as writing had not decreased the pain and the housekeeper accustomed to such casual attacks did as she was requested and came frequently to see her in the course of the afternoon and evening still without perceiving any thing unusual and therefore not tormenting her with any expression of surprise or anxiety
Thought after thought congregated in the poor girls mind as she thus lay so fraught with agony that the physical suffering which was far more than usual was unfelt save in its paralyzing effect on every limb Her impulse was to confess exactly what she had done to her aunt the moment she should see her and conjure her to sentence her to some heavy chastisement that must deaden her present agony but this was impossible without betraying Edward and nullifying for him the relief she had sent How could she confess the sin without the full confession of the use to which that money had been applied Whose were the notes They were stained with damp as if they must have lain among those withered leaves some time and yet she had heard no inquiry made about them as the loss of so large a sum would surely have demanded The only plan she could think of as bringing the least hope of returning peace was still to beseech Mrs Langford to dispose of her watch and trinkets and the very first mention she heard made of the loss to return the full sum to the real possessor if possible so secretly as for it not to be traced to herself She thought too that if she gave her trinkets one by one not all together to Mrs Langford it would be less suspicious and perhaps more easily prevail on her to grant her secrecy and assistance and if she positively refused unless Ellen revealed the reason of her desiring their disposal and would solemnly promise secrecy she would tell her so much of her intense misery as might perhaps induce her to give her aid If she did not demand the reason and betrayed her she must endure the doubt and serious displeasure such a course of acting on her part would inevitably produce but two things alone stood clear before her she must replace that money—she must keep Edwards secret She would have gone that very day to Mrs Langford but she could not move and Ellis at seven oclock prevailed on her to undress and go to bed
Not better my Ellen I hoped todays perfect quietness would have removed your headache and am quite disappointed was Mrs Hamiltons affectionate address as she softly entered her nieces room on the return of the happy party at eleven at night and placing the lamp so that the bed remained in shade she could not see any expression in Ellens face except that of suffering which she naturally attributed to physical pain How hot your hands and face are love I wish you had not left Edwards letter to write today I am afraid we shall be obliged to see Mr Maitlands face again tomorrow if he were not as kind a friend as he is a skillful doctor I am sure you would get quite tired of him Ellen Shall I stay with you I can not bear leaving you in pain and alone But Ellen would not hear of it the pain was not more than she was often accustomed to she said and indeed she did not mind being alone—though the unusual almost passionate warmth with which she returned Mrs Hamiltons fond kiss betrayed it was no indifference to the affectionate offer which dictated her refusal It was well Mrs Hamilton though anxious enough to feel the inclination to do so did not visit her niece again or the convulsive agony she would have witnessed the choking sobs which burst forth a few minutes after she disappeared from Ellens sight would have bewildered and terrified her yet more
CHAPTER III
A SUMMONS AND A LOSS
Mr Maitland declared Ellen to be ill of a nervous fever which for three days confined her to her bed and left her very weak for some little time and so nervous that the least thing seemed to startle her but as he said it was no consequence and she would soon recover Mrs Hamilton adopted his advice took no notice of it and only endeavored to make her nieces daily routine as varied in employment though regular in hours and undisturbed in quiet as she could Perhaps she would have felt more anxious and discovered something not quite usual in Ellens manner if her thoughts had not been painfully preoccupied About a week after their excursion she entered the library earlier than usual and found her husband intently engaged with some dispatches just received She saw he was more than ordinarily disturbed and hesitated a moment whether to address him but he was seldom so engrossed as to be unconscious of the presence of his wife
I am really glad you are here at this moment Emmeline for I actually was weak enough to shrink from seeking you with unpleasant news Letters from Feroe have at length arrived and my personal presence is so imperatively needed that I am selfreproached at not going before the long silence ought to have convinced me that all was not as it should be
But what has occurred Arthur I had no idea you contemplated the necessity of going replied his wife very quietly as she sat down close by him but the fiat of separation the thoughts of a perilous voyage a visit to an almost desolate island and the impossibility of receiving regular letters so crowded upon her all at once that it was a strong effort to speak at all
No dearest for what was the use of tormenting you with disagreeable anticipations when there really might have been no foundation for them The last accounts from Samboe were as you know received nearly two years ago telling me that Frederic Wilson was dead but that his son had been received as his successor in the ministry and as civil guardian of the island with if possible a still greater degree of popularity than his predecessors from his having been educated in Denmark His parents had lived on straitened means to give him superior advantages which as it proves he would have been much better without The vices he has acquired have far outrun the advantages His example and that of a band of idle irregular spirits who have joined him has not only scandalized the simple people but disturbed their homesteads brought contention and misery and in some cases bloodshed so that in point of social and domestic position I fear they have sunk lower than when my grandfather first sought the island The mother of this unhappy young man has naturally perhaps but weakly shrunk from informing against him but her brother the clergyman of Osteroe has at length taken upon himself to do so clearly stating that nothing but personal interference and some months residence among them will effect a reformation and that the ruin is more to be regretted as the little island has been for more than half a century the admiration not only of its immediate neighbors but of all who have chanced to harbor off its coast He states too that if properly directed and not exposed to the contagion of large cities as his brother has been poor Wilsons younger son now a boy of eleven may become us worthy and judicious a pastor as his father and grandfather and so keep the office in his family as my grandfather was so desirous of doing The question is how is this boy to be educated on the island and whom can I find to take the ministry meanwhile
And must your own residence there be very long inquired Mrs Hamilton still in that quiet tone but her lip quivered
It depends entirely on whom I can get to accompany me dearest I must set Mr Howard and Morton to work to find me some simpleminded singlehearted individual who will regard this undertaking in the same missionary spirit as the elder Wilson did If I am happy enough to succeed in this I hope a year or somewhat less will be the farthest limit of our separation
A year a whole long year—dearest Arthur must it be so very very long
Who tried to persuade Ellen a fortnight ago that a year even two years would pass so very quickly replied Mr Hamilton trying to smile and folding his arm fondly round his wife he kissed the cheek which had become pale from the effort to restrain her feelings It is indeed an unexpected and a painful trial and as is generally the case with our rebellious spirits I feel as if it would have been better borne at any other period than the present We had so portioned out this year had so anticipated gratifying Caroline by introducing her to the so long and so eagerly anticipated pleasures of London next January that I can not bear to think of her disappointment
And our boys too they say it is so strange to be without their father even in college term what will it be when they come home for the long vacation to which we have all so looked forward But this is all weakness my own dear husband forgive me I am only rendering your duty more difficult she added raising her head from his shoulder and smiling cheerfully even while the tears glistened in her eyes I must try and practice my own lesson and believe the term of separation will really pass quickly interminable as it now seems We have been so blessed so guarded from the bitter pang of even partial separation for twenty years that how dare I murmur now the trial has come It is Gods pleasure dearest Arthur though it seems like the work of man and as His we can endure it
Bless you my beloved you have indeed put a new spirit in me by those words replied her husband with a fondness the more intense from the actual veneration that so largely mingled with it And bitter disappointment as it is to me to be from home when our sons return it is better so perhaps for their company will wile away at least nearly three months of my absence
Mr and Mrs Hamilton remained some hours together that morning in earnest conversation All of individual regret was conquered for the sake of the other its expression at least not its feeling but they understood each other too well too fondly to need words or complaints to prove to either how intensely painful was the very thought of separation To elude the performance of a duty which many persons unable to enter into the hope of effecting good would no doubt pronounce Quixotic—for what could the poor inhabitants of Samboe be to him—never entered either Mr or Mrs Hamiltons mind He was not one to neglect his immediate duties for distant ones but believed and acted on the belief that both could be united His own large estate its various farms parishes and villages were so admirably ordered that he could leave it without the smallest scruple in the hands of his wife and steward Though interested in and actually assisting in the political movements of his country he was still as from his youth he had firmly resolved to be a free independent Englishman bound to no party but respected by all retaining his own principles unshaken as a rock though often and often his integrity had been tried by court bribes and dazzling offers And yet rare blending with such individual feelings Arthur Hamilton looked with candor and kindness on the conduct and principles of others however they might differ from his own and found excuses for them which none others could That he should give up all the comforts the luxuries the delights of his peculiarly happy home to encounter several months sojourn in a bleak halfcivilized island only in the hope of restoring and insuring moral and religious improvement to a small colony of human beings whose sole claim upon him was that they were immortal as himself and that they had done a kindness to his grandfather more than half a century back was likely to and no doubt did excite the utmost astonishment in very many circles but not a sneer not a word seeming to whisper good should be done at home before sought abroad could find a moments restingplace near Arthur Hamiltons name
For half an hour after Mrs Hamilton quitted her husband she remained alone and when she rejoined her family though she might have been a shade paler than her wont she was as cheerful in conversation and earnest in manner as usual That evening Mr Hamilton informed his children and Miss Harcourt of his intended departure and consequent compelled change of plan Emmelines burst of sorrow was violent and uncontrolled Caroline looked for a minute quite bewildered and then hastening to her father threw one arm round his neck exclaiming in a voice of the most affectionate sincerity Dear papa what shall we do without you for such a long time
My dear child I thank you for such an affectionate thought believe me the idea of your wishes being postponed has pained me as much as any thing else in this unpleasant duty
My wishes postponed papa—what do you mean
Have you quite forgotten our intended plans for next January my love My absence must alter them
For a moment an expression of bitter disappointment clouded Carolines open countenance
Indeed papa I had forgotten it I only thought of your going away for so many months It is a great disappointment I own and I dare say I shall feel it still more when January comes but I am sure parting from you must be a still greater trial to mamma than any such disappointment ought to be to me and indeed I will try and bear it as uncomplainingly and cheerfully as she does
Her father almost involuntarily drew her to his heart and kissed her two or three times without speaking and Caroline was very glad he did so for when she looked up again the tears that would come at the first thought of her disappointment were bravely sent back again and she tried to cheer Emmeline by assuring her she never could be like her favorite heroines of romance if she behaved so very much like a child taking the opportunity when they retired for the night to say more seriously—
Dear Emmeline do try and be as lively as you always are I am sure poor mamma is suffering very much at the idea of papas leaving us though she will not let us see that she does and if you give way so it will make her more uncomfortable still
Emmeline promised to try but her disposition quite as susceptible to sorrow as to joy and not nearly as firm as her sisters rendered the promise very difficult to fulfill It was her first sorrow and Mrs Hamilton watched her with some anxiety half fearful that she had been wrong to shield her so carefully from any thing like grief if when it came she should prove unequal to its firm and uncomplaining endurance Ellen had been out of the room when Mr Hamilton had first spoken and engaged in soothing Emmeline when she reentered and the news was communicated to her he did not observe any thing particular in mode of receiving it But Mrs Hamilton was so struck with the expression of her countenance which as she tried somewhat incoherently to utter regrets took the place of its usual calm that she looked at her several minutes in bewilderment but it passed again so completely that she was angry with herself for fancying any thing uncommon Caroline however had remarked it too and she could not help observing to Miss Harcourt the first time they were alone—
You will say I am always fancying something extraordinary Miss Harcourt but Ellen certainly did look pleased last night when mamma told her of papas intended departure
The expression must have been something extraordinary for you to remark it at all replied Miss Harcourt nobody but Mrs Hamilton whose penetration is out of the common can ever read any thing on Ellens face
And it was for that very reason I looked again and mamma noticed it too and was surprised though she did not say any thing If she really be pleased she is most ungrateful and all her profession of feeling mamma and papas constant kindness sheer deceit I never shall understand Ellen I believe but I do hope mamma will never discover that she is not exactly that which her affection believes her
Pray do not talk so my dear Caroline or I shall be tempted to confess that you are giving words to my own feelings Her conduct with regard to the disappearance of her allowance the wholly unsatisfactory account of its expenditure even every month for she seems to me to mention many things she has never had banish every hopeful feeling and I dread more than I can tell you the very thing you have expressed But all this is very wrong we have relieved each other by a mutual acknowledgment and now let us never revert even in thought if possible to the subject
Caroline willingly acquiesced for it was far from agreeable Mr Hamiltons preparations meanwhile rapidly progressed He imparted his wishes for a companion willing to remain in the island till young Wilson should be prepared for the ministry both to Mr Howard and Mr Morton the latter still remained in his desolate parish still more isolated in feeling from the loss of both his parents and Percys absence and both especially Morton gave him every hope of obtaining the character he wanted His next inquiry was at Dartmouth for a strong wellbuilt vessel fitted to encounter the stormy seas between Scotland and Feroe determining to do all in his power to provide some means of regular communication between himself and the beloved inmates of his home Wick in Caithness was the farthest post town to which letters could be addressed Every ten days or fortnight communications were to be sent there and the Siren after conveying him to Feroe was regularly to ply between Samboe and Wick bringing from the latter place to Mr Hamilton the various letters that had accumulated there should unfavorable winds have lengthened the voyage and forwarding his through that post to his home By this means he hoped to hear and be heard of regularly an intense relief if it really could be so accomplished to his wife
As soon as a ship a competent captain mate and crew were obtained Mr Hamilton set off for Oxford and London wishing in the latter place to see his friend Grahame and in the former to pass a few days with his sons who knowing nothing of his summons received him with unbounded delight Their regret when they heard the cause of his visit was as great as their joy had been Percy in a desperate fit of impatience wished the little island and all its concerns at the bottom of the sea the best place for such unruly disagreeable people and he was only sobered when his father put before him that though it must be a very heightened individual disappointment it was the greatest comfort to him to think that they would both be with their mother and sisters the first few months of his absence Percy instantly altered his tone
You are quite right my dear father I was very selfish not to think of it Trust me for making my dearest mother as cheerful and as happy as I can You dont know what a guardian angel the thought of her love has been to me in temptation and as for Bertie if ever I thought he was studying himself ill and not taking the care of himself he ought or wanted him to take exercise and recreation when he thought me a great bore the word mother made him yield at once
And Herberts kindling eye and cheek bore testimony to the truth of his brothers words His only feeling and exclamation had been if he might but accompany his father and save him all the trouble he could allowing however its impossibility when the circumstances of his still delicate health and the necessity for uninterrupted study were placed before him
That visit to Oxford was a proud one for Mr Hamilton His sons held that place in the estimation of the professors superiors and their fellowcollegians which their early influences had promised and which as the sons of Arthur Hamilton seemed naturally their own Percy could so combine firmness in principle unbending rectitude in conduct with such a spirit of fun and enjoyment as rendered him the prime mover of all sports at Oxford as he had been at Oakwood and Herbert though so gentle and retiring as until Percys spirit was roused to shield him gained him many nicknames and many petty annoyances silently and insensibly won his way and so bore with the thoughtless the mirthful and even the faulty as at length to gain him the privilege of being allowed to do just as he liked and win by his extraordinary talents the admiration and love of all the professors with whom he was thrown
Morton had promised to introduce a person to Mr Hamilton on his return from Oxford who if approved of would be his willing his eager assistant and gladly remain in the island attending to all that was required in its superintendence and in the education of young Wilson till he was old enough and properly fitted to take his fathers place Great then was Mr Hamiltons disappointment when Morton entered his library according to appointment but quite alone Still greater was his astonishment when he found it was Morton himself thus eagerly desirous to become his companion urging his wishes his motives Mr Howards sanction with such earnestness such singlemindedness of purpose that every objection which for Mortons own sake Mr Hamilton so strenuously brought forward was overruled and after a lengthened interview matters were arranged to the entire satisfaction of both parties The idea of the companionship and aid of such a friend as Morton bringing as great a relief to both Mr and Mrs Hamilton as their acquiescence filled the whole heart of the young missionary with the most unbounded gratitude and joy He suggested many little things which in the agitation of his hasty summons had escaped his friends and his whole being seemed transformed from despondency and listlessness to energy and hope Engrossed as he was Mr Hamiltons usual thought for others had not deserted him and he remarked that one of his household Robert Langford so often mentioned appeared to linger in the library after morning and evening service as if anxious to speak to him but failing in courage so to do He thought too that the young man seemed quite altered dispirited gloomy almost wretched at times instead of the mirthful happy being he had been before Determining to give him an opportunity of speaking before his departure if he wished it Mr Hamilton summoned him to arrange write a list and pack some books which Morton had selected to take with him For some time Robert pursued his work in persevering silence but at length fixed his eyes on his master with such beseeching earnestness that Mr Hamilton inquired the matter at once It was some time before the young man could sufficiently compose himself to speak with any coherency but at last Mr Hamilton gathered the following details
About five weeks previous the first day of June he had been introduced as he had very often before been by his master with certain papers and law articles to convey to Plymouth and with a pocket book containing thirty pounds in two ten and two five pound notes which he had orders to leave at some poor though respectable families whom Mr Hamilton was in the habit of occasionally assisting though they were out of his own domains The morning he was to have started on this expedition a cousin whom he had always regarded as a brother came unexpectedly to see him He had just arrived at Plymouth from a four years residence with his regiment in Ireland and Roberts glee was so great as to require reiterated commands from the steward to take care of the papers and not stay at his mothers cottage where he was to take his cousin later than the afternoon He lingered so long before he set off from Oakwood that he gathered up all the papers as quickly as he could forgot his principal charge so far at least as not to look to the secure fastening of the pocketbook and hastened with his cousin through the brushwood and glade we have before mentioned to his mothers cottage It was very hot and the young men heated and in eager conversation took off their coats threw them loosely over their arms and proceeded on their walk without them much too engrossed with each other to be aware that as they carried their coats it was the easiest and most natural thing possible for all the smaller contents of their pockets to fall out and if not missed directly from the winding and rugged wood path not likely to be found again
A draught of cider and half an hours rest at Mrs Langfords cottage sufficiently revived Robert to resume his coat he satisfied himself that his packet of papers was secure and as he imagined from the feel of another pocket the pocketbook also
What then was his consternation when he approached the first house at which he was to leave ten pounds of the money about twenty miles from Oakwood to discover that the pocket book was gone and that which by its feel he believed to have been it an old cardcase that his young master Percy had laughingly thrown at him one day after failing in his endeavor to emblazon it the sticky materials he had used causing it to adhere to whatever it touched and so preserving it in Roberts pocket when almost all the other things had fallen out He racked his memory in vain as to what could have become of it convinced that he had not left it at Oakwood as he first sincerely wished that he had Two or three other things had also disappeared and it suddenly flashed upon him that when carrying his coat over his arm they must have fallen out He cursed his thoughtlessness again and again and would have retraced his steps immediately but the papers with which he was intrusted had to be delivered at Plymouth by a certain hour and he could not do it The intense heat of the day gave place in the evening to a tremendous storm of thunder and lightning wind and very heavy rain which last continued unabated through the night He returned home or rather to his mothers cottage the next day in a state of mind little removed from distraction searching the path he had traversed with his cousin in every direction but only succeeded in finding some worthless trifles and the pocketbook itself but open and empty but at a little distance from it one five pound note In an instant he remembered that in his hurry he had failed to see to its proper fastening if he had all would have been right for the wind and rain would hardly have had power to open it and disperse its contents Hour after hour he passed in the vain search for the remainder the storm had rendered the path more intricate the ground was slimy and quantities of dried sticks and broken branches and leaves almost covered it He told his tale to his mother in the deepest distress what was he to do She advised him to tell the steward the whole story and to request him to keep back the sum she was in the habit of receiving quarterly till the whole amount could be repaid Robert obeyed her but with most painful reluctance though even then he did not imagine all the misery his carelessness would entail upon him Morris as was natural was exceedingly displeased and not only reproved him very severely but let fall suspicions as to the truth of his story he knew nothing of his cousin he said and could not say what company he might have been led into If the notes had fallen out of his pocket during his walk they must be found it was all nonsense that the wind and rain could so have scattered and annihilated them as to remove all trace of them He would not say any thing to his master because it would only annoy him and the charities he would give himself not from Mrs Langfords allowance but from Roberts own wages which he should certainly stop till the whole sum was paid he should take care how he intrusted such a responsible office to him again
Robert was at first indignant and violent in his protestations of the truth of his story but as it got wind in the servants hall as he found himself suspected and shunned by almost all as days merged into weeks and there was no trace of the notes and Morris and Ellis both united in declaring that as no strangers passed through that part of the park if found they must have been heard of the young man sunk into a state of the most gloomy despondency longing to tell his kind master the whole tale and yet naturally enough shrinking from the dread of his suspicion of his honesty as more terrible than all the rest
But Mr Hamilton did not suspect him and so assured him of his firm belief in his truth and innocence that it was with great difficulty poor Robert refrained from throwing himself at his feet to pour forth his gratitude He was so severely punished from his heedlessness that his master would not say much about it and soon after dismissing him summoned Morris and talked with him some time on the subject declaring he would as soon suspect his own son of dishonesty as the boy who had grown up under his own eye from infancy and the son of such a mother It was very distressing for Mrs Langford certainly the old steward allowed and she looked sad enough but it was no use he had tried hard enough to prevent his suspicions but they would come None but the servants and the woodmen and gardeners went that path and if the notes had been dropped there they must have been found and it was a very hard thing for the other servants as none knew who might be suspected of appropriating them His master was much too kind in his opinions but he must forgive him if he continued to keep a sharp look out after the young man Morris was very old and somewhat opinionated so all that his master could succeed in was to insist that he should only keep back half of Roberts wages till the sum was paid
Take away the whole and if he have been unfortunately led into temptation which I do not believe he has you expose him to it again was his judicious command It is all right he should return it even though lost only by carelessness but I will not have him put to such straits for want of a little money as must be the case if you deprive him of all his wages and now my good Morris if you can not in conscience repeat my firm opinion of this lads innocence to the servants I must do it myself
And that very evening after prayers when the whole household were assembled in the library Mr Hamilton addressed them simply and briefly mentioning that Robert Langford had himself told his tale to him and that it was his own opinion and that of their mistress that he did not deserve the suspicions attached to him and that his fellowservants would all be acting more charitably and religiously if they believed his story until they had had some strong proof to the contrary he could not of course interfere with private opinion he could only tell them his own and their ladys He acknowledged it was a very unpleasant occurrence but he begged them all to dismiss the idea that suspicion could be attached to either of them he felt too convinced that had any one of his household chanced to find the missing notes they would at once have mentioned it to the steward or housekeeper more especially since Roberts loss had been known among them only a few days after it had occurred Appropriation he need not tell them in such a case was theft and of that sin he was perfectly certain not one present would be guilty He allowed that it would be much more satisfactory to have the tangible proof of Roberts innocence by discovering some trace of them but it was not unlikely the heavy wind and rain had destroyed the thin material of the notes or borne them into the brambly brushwood where it was scarcely possible they could be found
If the attention of Mrs Hamilton her daughters and Miss Harcourt had not been naturally riveted on Mr Hamiltons address and its effect on the servants especially Robert whose emotion was almost overpowering they must have remarked that Ellen had shrunk into the shade of the heavy curtains falling by one of the windows and had unconsciously grasped the oaken back of one of the massive chairs lips cheek and brow white and rigid as sculptured marble An almost supernatural effort alone enabled her to master the crushing agony sending the blood up to her cheeks with such returning violence that when she wished her aunt and uncle good night she might have been thought more flushed than pale but it passed unnoticed Mrs Hamilton too much annoyed on Mrs Langfords account to think at that moment of any thing but how she could best set the poor mothers heart at rest It was very evident that though some of the domestics after their masters address came up to Robert shook hands with him and begged his pardon the greater number still sided with Morris and retained their own less favorable opinion and she could well imagine what Mrs Langfords sufferings must be It only wanted five days to that fixed for Mr Hamiltons departure wind permitting and there were so many things to think of and do for him that his family could have little thought of any thing else but Mrs Hamilton assured her husband she would leave no means untried to prove Roberts innocence
For nearly an hour that same night did Ellen after her attendant had left her sit crouched by the side of her bed as if some bolt had struck and withered her as she sat One word alone sounded and resounded in her ears she had known it pronounced it to be such to herself numbers of times but it had never mocked and maddened her as when spoken in her uncles voice and in his deepest most expressive tone—theft And she was the guilty one—and she must see the innocent bearing the penalty of her crime suspicion dislike avoidance for she dared not breathe the truth Again came the wild almost desperate resolve to seek Mrs Hamilton that very moment avow herself the criminal implore her to take back every trinket belonging to her to replace it and do with her what she would But if she did confess and so draw attention to her how could she keep her brothers secret Could she have firmness to bear all rather than betray it What proof of her inward wretchedness and remorse could there be in the mere confession of appropriation when the use to which she had applied that money and all concerning it even to the day it was found must be withheld lest it should in any way be connected with her letter to her brother She must be silent and the only prayer which night and morning ay almost every hour rose from that young heart was for death ere it was too late for Gods forgiveness
CHAPTER IV
THE BROKEN DESK
The many secret wishes for an unfavorable wind that Mr Hamilton might stay at Oakwood still a little longer were not granted and he left his family the very day he had fixed the 14th of July just three weeks after his summons and about ten days before his sons were expected home Without him Oakwood was strange indeed but with the exception of Emmeline all seemed determined to conquer the sadness and anxiety which the departure of one so beloved naturally occasioned Emmeline was so unused to any thing like personal sorrow that she rather seemed to luxuriate in its indulgence
Do you wish to both disappoint and displease me my dear Emmeline her mother said one day about a week after her husband had gone as she entered the musicroom expecting to find her daughter at the harp but perceiving her instead listless and dispirited on the sofa Indeed you will do both if you give way to this most uncalledfor gloom
Uncalled for replied Emmeline almost pettishly
Quite uncalled for to the extent in which you are indulging it and even if called for do you not think you would be acting more correctly if you thought more of others than yourself and tried to become your own cheerful self for their sakes It is the first time you have ever given me cause to suspect you of selfishness and I am disappointed
Selfishness mamma and I do hate the thought of it so Am I selfish she repeated her voice faltering and her eyes filling fast with tears
I hope not my love but if you do not try to shake off this depression we must believe you to be so Your fathers absence is a still greater trial to Caroline than it is to you for it compels a very bitter disappointment as well as the loss of his society and yet though she feels both deeply she has exerted herself more than I ever saw her do before and so proves more than any words or tears could do how much she loves both him and me
And do you think I love you both less than she does replied Emmeline now fairly sobbing
No dearest but I want you to prove it in the same admirable manner Do you think I do not feel your fathers absence Emmeline but would you like to see me as sad and changed as you are
Emmeline looked up in her face for there was something in the tone that appealed to her better feelings at once Throwing her arms round her she sobbed—
Dear mamma do forgive me I see now I have been very selfish and very weak but I never never can be as firm and selfcontrolled as you and Caroline are
Do not say never love or you will never try to be so I am quite sure you would not like to be one of those weak selfish characters who lay all their faults and all the mischief their faults produce on a supposed impossibility to become like others I know your disposition is naturally less strong and firm than your sisters but it is more elastic and still more joyous and so had you not too weakly encouraged your very natural sorrow you would have been enabled to throw it off and in the comfort such an exertion would have brought to us fully recompensed yourself
And if I do try now
I shall be quite satisfied dearest though I fear you will find it more difficult than had you tried a few days ago Confess that I am right Did you not after the first two or three days feel that you could have been cheerful again at least at times but that you fancied you had not felt sorry enough and so increased both sorrow and anxiety by determinedly dwelling on them instead of seeking some pursuit
Dear mamma shall I never be able to hide a feeling from you answered Emmeline so astonished that her tears half dried I did not know I felt so myself till you put it before me and now I know that I really did Was it very wrong
I will answer your question by another love Did you find such pertinacious indulgence of gloom help you to bring the object of your regret and anxiety and of your own grief before your Heavenly Father
Emmeline hesitated but only for a minute then answered with a crimson blush—
No mamma I could not pray to God to protect dear papa or to give me His blessing half as earnestly and believingly as when I was happier the more I indulged in gloomy thoughts the more difficulty I had to turn them to prayer and the last few days I fear I have not even tried
Then dearest is it necessary for me to answer your former question I see by that conscious look that it is not You have always trusted my experience and affection my Emmeline trust them now and try my plan Think of your dear father whom you can not love too well or whose compelled absence really regret too much but so think of him as to pray continually in spirit to your gracious God to have him always in His holy keeping either on sea or land in storm or calm and so prosper his undertaking as to permit his return to us still sooner than we at present expect The very constant prayer for this will make you rest secure and happy in the belief that our God is with him wherever he is as He is with us and so give you cheerfulness and courage to attend to your daily duties and conquer any thing like too selfish sorrow Will you try this love even if it be more difficult now than it would have been a few days ago
I will indeed mamma and she raised her head from her mothers shoulder and tried to smile When you first addressed me today I thought you were almost harsh and so cold—so you see even there I was thinking wrong—and now I am glad oh so glad you did speak to me
And I know who will be glad too if I have prevented his having a Niobe for his Tiny instead of the Euphrosyne which I believe he sometimes calls you I thought there was one particular duet that Percy is to be so charmed with Emmy Suppose you try it now And her tears all checked her most unusual gloom dispersed Emmeline obeyed with alacrity and finding when she had once begun so many things to get perfect for the gratification of her brothers that nearly three hours slipped away quite unconsciously and when Caroline returned from a walk she was astonished at the change in her sister and touched by the affectionate selfreproach with which Emmeline looking up in her face exclaimed—
Dear Caroline I have been so pettish and so cross to you since papa left that I am sure you must be quite tired of me but I am going to be really a heroine now and not a shy sentimental one and bear the pain of papas absence as bravely as you do
And she did so though at first it was as her mother had warned her very difficult to compel the requisite exertion which for employment and cheerfulness was now needed but when the will is right there is little fear of failure
As each day passed so quickly merging into weeks that five had now slipped away since that fatal letter had been sent to Edward the difficulty to do as she had intended entreat Mrs Langford to dispose of her trinkets and watch became to Ellen either in reality or seeming more and more difficult Her illness had confined her to her room for nearly a week and when she was allowed to take the air the state of nervous debility to which it had reduced her of course prevented her ever being left alone The day after Mr Hamiltons appeal to his domestics she had made a desperate attempt by asking permission to be the bearer of a message from her aunt to the widow and as the girls were often allowed and encouraged to visit their nurse the request was granted without any surprise though to the very last moment she feared one of her cousins or Miss Harcourt would offer to accompany her They were all however too occupied with and for Mr Hamilton and she sought the cottage and there with such very evident mental agony besought Mrs Langford to promise her secrecy and aid that the widow very much against her conscience was won over to accede She was in most pressing want of money she urged and dared not appeal to her aunt Not daring to say the whole amount which she so urgently required at once she had only brought with her the antique gold cross and two or three smaller ornaments which had been among her mothers trinkets and a gold locket Percy had given her Mrs Langford was painfully startled She had no idea her promise comprised acquiescence and assistance in any matter so very wrong and mysterious as this and she tried every argument every persuasion to prevail on Ellen to confide all her difficulties to Mrs Hamilton urging that if even she had done wrong it could only call for temporary displeasure whereas the mischief of her present proceeding might never come to an end and must be discovered at last but Ellen was inexorable though evidently quite as miserable as she was firm and Mrs Langford had too high an idea of the solemn nature of a pledged word to draw back or think of betraying her She said that of course it might be some weeks before she could succeed in disposing of them all as to offer them all together or even at one place would be exposing herself to the most unpleasant suspicions
One step was thus gained but nearly a fortnight had passed and she heard nothing from the widow
Will they never come exclaimed Emmeline in mirthful impatience one evening about four days after her conversation with her mother it must be past the hour Percy named
It still wants half an hour replied Mrs Hamilton adding that unfortunate drawing when will it succeed in obtaining your undivided attention
Certainly not this evening mamma the only drawing I feel inclined for is a sketch of my two brothers if they would only have the kindness to sit by me
Poor Percy observed Caroline dryly if you are to be as restless as you have been the last hour Emmeline he would not be very much flattered by his portrait
Now that is very spiteful of you Caroline and all because I do not happen to be so quiet and sober as you are though I am sure all this morning that mamma thought by your unusually long absence that you were having a most persevering practice you were only collecting all Percys and Herberts favorite songs and pieces and playing them over instead of your new music
And what if I did Emmeline
Why it only proves that your thoughts are quite as much occupied by them as mine are though you have so disagreeably read studied worked just as usual to make one believe you neither thought nor cared any thing about them
And so because Caroline can control even joyous anticipation she is to be thought void of feeling Emmy I really can pronounce no such judgment so though she may have settled to her usual pursuits and you have literally done nothing at all today I will not condemn her as loving her brothers less
But you will condemn me as an idle unsteady hairbrained girl replied Emmeline kneeling on the ottoman at her mothers feet and looking archly and fondly in her face Then do let me have a fellowsufferer for I can not stand condemnation alone Ellen do put away that everlasting sketch and be idle and unsteady too
It wont do Emmy Ellen has been so perseveringly industrious since her illness that I should rather condemn her for too much application than too great idleness But you really have been stooping too long this warm evening my love she added observing as Ellen it seemed almost involuntarily looked up at her cousins words that her cheeks were flushed almost painfully Oblige Emmeline this once and be as idle as she is come and talk to me I have scarcely heard a word from you today you have been more silent than ever I think since your uncle left us but I must have no gloom to greet your cousins Ellen
There was no rejoinder to these kind and playful words Ellen did indeed put aside her drawing but instead of taking a seat near her aunt which in former days she would have been only too happy to do she walked to the farthest window and ensconcing herself in its deep recess seemed determined to hold communion with no one Miss Harcourt was so indignant as scarcely to be able to contain its expression Caroline looked astonished and provoked Emmeline was much too busy in flying from window to window to think of any thing else but her brothers Mrs Hamilton was more grieved and hurt than Ellen had scarcely ever made her feel Several times before in the last month she had fancied there was something unusual in her manner but the many anxieties and thoughts which had engrossed her since her husbands summons and his departure had prevented any thing till that evening but momentary surprise Emmelines exclamation that she was quite sure she heard the trampling of horses and that it must be Percy by the headlong way he rode prevented any remark and brought them all to the window and she was right for in a few minutes a horseman emerged from some distant trees urging his horse to its utmost speed waving his cap in all sorts of mirthful gesticulations over his head long before he could be quite sure that there was any body to see him Another minute and he had flung the reins to Robert with a laughing greeting and springing up the long flight of steps in two bounds was in the sittingroom and in the arms of his mother before either of his family imagined he could have had even time to dismount
Herbert was the first word Mrs Hamiltons quivering lip could speak
Is quite well my dearest mother and not five minutes ride behind me The villagers would flock round us with such an hurrah I thought you must have heard it here so I left Bertie to play the agreeable and promised to see them tomorrow and galloped on here for you know the day we left I vowed that the firstborn of my mother should have her first kiss
Still the same Percy—not sobered yet my boy said his mother looking at him with a proud smile for while the tone and manner were still the eager freshfeeling boy the face and figure were that of the finegrowing noblelooking man
Sobered why mother I never intend to be he answered joyously as he alternately embraced his sisters Miss Harcourt and Ellen who fearing to attract notice had emerged from her hidingplace if the venerable towers of that most wise and learned town Oxford and all the grave lectures and long faces of sage professors have failed to tame me there can be no hope for my sobriety but here comes Herbert actually going it almost as fast as I did Well done my boy Mother that is all your doing he feels your influence at this distance Why all the Oxonians would fancy the colleges must be tumbling about their ears if they saw the gentle studious steady Herbert Hamilton riding at such a rate He entered almost as his brother spoke and though less boisterous the intense delight it was to him to look in his mothers face again to be surrounded by all he loved was as visible as Percys and deep was the thankfulness of Mrs Hamiltons ever anxious heart as she saw him looking so well—so much stronger than in his boyhood The joy of that evening and of very many succeeding days was indeed great though many to whom the sanctity and bliss of domestic affection are unknown might fancy there was little to call for it but to the inmates of Oakwood it was real happiness to hear Percys wild laugh and his inexhaustible stories calling forth the same mirth from his hearers—the very sound of his everbounding step and his boisterous career from room to room to visit he declared and rouse all the bogies and spirits that must have slept while he was away Herberts quieter but equal interest in all that had been done studied read even thought and felt in his absence the pride and delight of both in the accounts of Edward Percy insisting that to have such a gallant fellow of a brother ought to make Ellen as lively and happy as Emmeline who was blessed nearly in the same measure—looking so excessively mischievous as he spoke that though his sister did not at first understand the inference it was speedily discovered and called for a laughing attack on his outrageous selfconceit Herbert more earnestly regretted to see Ellen looking as sad and pale as when she was quite a little girl and took upon himself gently to reproach her for not being or at least trying to make herself more cheerful when she had so many blessings around her and was so superlatively happy in having such a brave and noblehearted brother If he did not understand her manner as he spoke both he and the less observant Percy were destined to be still more puzzled and grieved as a few weeks passed and they at first fancied and then were quite sure that she was completely altered even in her manner to their mother Instead of being so gentle so submissive so quietly happy to deserve the smallest sign of approval from Mrs Hamilton she now seemed completely to shrink from her either in fear or that she no longer cared either to please or to obey her By imperceptible but sure degrees this painful conviction pressed itself on the minds of the whole party even to the lighthearted unsuspicious Emmeline to whom it was so utterly incomprehensible that she declared it must be all fancy and that they were all so happy that their heads must be a little turned
Even mammas observed Caroline dryly
No but she is the only sensible person among us for she has not said any thing about it and therefore I dare say does not even see that which we are making such a wonder about
I do not agree with you for I rather think she has both seen and felt it before either of us and that because it so grieves and perplexes her she can not speculate or even speak about it as we do Time will explain it I suppose but it is very disagreeable
It was indeed no fancy but little could these young observers or even Mrs Hamilton suspect that which was matter of speculation or grief to them was almost madness in its agony of torture to Ellen who as weeks passed and but very trifling returns for her trinkets were made her by Mrs Langford felt as if her brain must fail before she could indeed accomplish her still ardently desired plan and give back the missing sum to Robert without calling suspicion on herself She felt to herself as changed as she appeared to those that observed her a black impenetrable pall seemed to have enveloped her heart and mind closing up both even from those affections those pursuits so dear to her before She longed for some change from the dense impenetrable fog even if it were some heavy blow—tangible suffering of the fiercest kind was prayed for rather than the stagnation which caused her to move act and speak as if under some fatal spell and look with such terror on the relation she had so loved that even to be banished from her presence she imagined would be less agony than to associate with her as the miserable guilty being she had become
Mrs Hamilton watched and was anxious but she kept both her observations and anxiety to herself for she would not throw even a temporary cloud over the happiness of her children A fortnight after the young mens arrival letters came most unexpectedly from Mr Hamilton dated twelve days after he had left and brought by a Scottish trader whom they had encountered near the Shetland Isles and who had faithfully forwarded them from Edinburgh as he had promised The voyage had been most delightful and they hoped to reach Feroe in another week He wrote in the highest terms of Morton the comfort of such companionship and the intrinsic worth of his character which could never be known until so closely thrown together
I may thank our Percy for this excellent friend he wrote He tells me his brave and honest avowal of those verses which had given him so much pain attracted him more toward me and mine than even my own efforts to obtain his friendship Percy little thought when he so conquered himself the help he would give his father—so little do we know to what hidden good the straightforward honest performance of a duty however painful may lead
My father should thank you mother not me was Percys rejoinder with a flushed cheek and eye sparkling with animation as his mother read the passage to him
No such thing Percy I will not have you give me all the merit of your good deeds I did but try to guide you my boy neither the disposition to receive nor the fruit springing from the seeds I planted is from me
They are mother more than you are in the least aware of replied he with even more than his usual impetuosity for they happened to be quite alone I thought I knew all your worth before I went to Oxford but I have mingled with the world now I have been a silent listener and observer of such sentiments such actions as I know would naturally have been mine and though in themselves perhaps of little moment saw they led to irregularity laxity of principle and conduct which now I can not feel as other than actual guilt and what saved me from the same The principle which from my infancy you taught I have questioned led on in conversation these young men to speak of their boyhood and their homes and there were none guided loved as I was none whose parents had so blended firmness with indulgence as while my wild free spirits were unchecked prevented the ascendency of evil I could not do as they did Mother love you more perhaps I can not but every time I join the world fresh from this home sanctuary I must bless and venerate you more To walk through this world with any degree of security man must have principle based on the highest source and that principle can only be instilled by the constant example of a mother and the association of a home Mrs Hamilton could not answer but—a very unusual sign of weakness with her—tears of the most intense happiness poured down on the cheek of her son as in his impetuosity he knelt before her and ended his very unusually grave appeal by the same loving caresses he was wont to lavish on her in his infancy and boyhood
The letters from Mr Hamilton of course greatly increased the general hilarity and the arrival of Mr Grahames family about the same time added fresh zest to youthful enjoyment In the few months she spent at Moorlands Annie actually condescended to be agreeable Percy and some of Percys boyish friends now young men as himself were quite different to her usual society and as she very well knew the only way to win Percys even casual notice was to throw off her affectation and superciliousness as much as possible she would do so and be pleasing to an extent that surprised Mrs Hamilton who always inclined to judge kindly hoped more regarding Annie than she had done yet Little could her pure mind conceive that in addition to the pleasure of flirting with Percy Annie acted in this manner actually to throw her off her guard and so give her a wider field for her machinations when Caroline should enter the London world a time to which from her thirteenth year she had secretly looked as the opportunity to make Caroline so conduct herself as to cover her mother with shame and misery and bring her fine plans of education to failure and contempt
Mrs Greville and Mary were also constantly at the Hall or having their friends with them Herbert and Mary advancing in words or feelings not much farther than they had ever done as boy and girl but still feeling and acknowledging to their mutual mothers that next to them they loved each other better than all the world and enjoyed each others society more than any other pleasure which life could offer Excursions by land or water sometimes on horseback sometimes in the carriages constant little family reunions either at Oakwood Moorlands or Greville Manor passed days and evenings most delightfully to all but Ellen who did not dare stay at home as often as inclination prompted and whose forced gayety when in society did but increase the inward torture when alone Mrs Hamilton had as yet refrained from speaking to her—still trying to believe she must be mistaken and there really was nothing strange about her One morning however about a month after the young men had been at home her attention was unavoidably arrested by hearing Percy gayly ask his cousin—
Nelly Tiny wrote me such a description of your birthday watch that I quite forgot I have been dying to see it all the time I have been at home show it me now theres a dear it can not be much use to you thats certain for I have never seen you take it from its hidingplace
Ellen answered almost inarticulately it was not in her power to show it him
Not in your power You must be dreaming Nell as I think you are very often now Why what do you wear that chain and seal and key for if you have not your watch on too
Where is your watch Ellen and why if you are not wearing it do you make us suppose you are interrupted Mrs Hamilton startled out of all idea that Ellen was changed only in fancy
Ellen was silent and to Percys imagination so sullenly and insolently so that he became indignant
Did you hear my mother speak to you Ellen Why dont you answer
Because I thought my watch was my own to do what I liked with to wear or to put away was the reply over neither words nor tone of which had she at that moment any control for in her agonized terror she did not in the least know what she said
How dare you answer so Ellen Leave the room or ask my mothers pardon at once replied Percy his eyes flashing with such unusual anger that it terrified her still more and under the same kind of spell she was turning to obey him without attempting the apology he demanded
Stay Ellen this extraordinary conduct must not go on any longer without notice on my part I have borne with it I fear too long already Leave us my dear Percy I would rather speak with your cousin alone
I fear it will be useless mother what has come over Ellen I can not imagine but I never saw such an incomprehensible change in my life
He departed unconscious that Ellen who was near the door transfixed at her aunts words made a rapid movement as to catch hold of his arm and that the words Do not go Percy for pitys sake trembled on her pale lips but they emitted no sound
What passed in the interview which lasted more than an hour no one knew but to the watchful eyes of her affectionate children there were traces of very unusual disturbance on Mrs Hamiltons expressive countenance when she rejoined them and the dark rim round Ellens eyes the deadly pallor of her cheeks and lips seemed to denote that it had not been deficient in suffering to her though not one sign of penitence one word of acknowledgment that she was and had been for some weeks in error by her extraordinary conduct—not even a softening tear could her aunt elicit She had never before so failed—never not even when the disappearance of her allowance had caused extreme displeasure had Ellen evinced such an apparently sullen spirit of determined hardihood She would not attempt defense or reply to the acted falsehood with which she was charged of appearing to wear her watch when she did not or to say what she had done with it Mrs Hamilton spoke to her till she was almost exhausted for her own disappointment was most painful and she had not a gleam of hope to urge her on Her concluding words were these—
That you are under the evil influence of some unconfessed and most heinous fault Ellen I am perfectly convinced what it is time will reveal I give you one month to decide on your course of action subdue this sullen spirit confess whatever error you may have been led into and so change your conduct as to be again the child I so loved spite of occasional faults and errors and I will pardon all that is past If at the end of a month I find you persisting in the same course of rebellion and defiance regardless alike of your duty to your God and to me I shall adopt some measures to compel submission I had hoped to bring up all my children under my own eye and by my own efforts but if I am not permitted so to do I know my duty too well to shrink from the alternative You will no longer remain under my care some severer guardian and more rigid discipline may bring you to a sense of your duty I advise you to think well on this subject Ellen you know me too well I think to imagine that I speak in mere jest
She had left the room as she spoke so that if Ellen had intended reply there was no time for it But she could not have spoken Go from Oakwood and in anger Yet it was but just it was better perhaps than the lingering torture she was then enduring—better to hide her shame and misery among strangers than remain among the good the happy—the guilty wretch she was She sat and thought till feeling itself became utterly exhausted and again the spell the stupor of indifference crept over her She would have confessed but she knew that it could never satisfy as the half confession she would have been compelled to make it and the dread of herself that she should betray her brother sealed her lips
Roberts story and the strange disappearance of the notes had of course been imparted to Percy and Herbert In fact the change in the young man from being as lighthearted as his young master himself to gravity and almost gloom—for the conviction of his master and mistress as to his innocence could not cheer him while suspicion against him still actuated Morris and many of the other servants—would have called the young mens attention toward him at once The various paths and glades between the Hall and Mrs Langfords cottage had been so searched that unless the storm had destroyed them or blown the notes very far away it seemed next to impossible that they could not be found Mr Hamilton knew the number of each note had told them to his wife and gave notice at his bankers that though he did not wish them stopped he should like to know if possible when they had passed No notice of such a thing had been sent to Oakwood and it seemed curious that if found and appropriated they should not yet have been used for ten weeks had now slipped away since their loss and nearly nine since the letters had been sent to Edward and his captain answers to which had not yet been received but that was nothing remarkable for Edward seldom wrote above once in three or four months
It was nearing the end of August when one afternoon Mrs Hamilton was prevented joining her children in a sail up the Dart though it had been a long promise and Percy was in consequence excessively indignant but certain matters relative to the stewards province demanded a reference to his mistress and Morris was compelled to request a longer interview than usual Ellen had chosen to join the aquatic party a decision now so contrary to her usual habits that Mrs Hamilton could not help fancying it was to prevent the chance of being any time alone with her There had been no change in her manner except a degree more care to control the disrespectful or pettish answer but nothing to give hope that the spirit was changing and that the hidden error whatever it might be would be acknowledged and atoned Mrs Hamilton was nerving her own mind for the performance of the alternative she had placed before her niece passing many a sleepless night in painful meditations If to send her from Oakwood were necessary would it produce the effect she wished with whom could she place her and what satisfactory reason could she assign for doing so She knew there would be a hundred tongues to cry shame on her for sending her orphan niece from her roof but that was but one scarcelytasted bitter drop in the many other sources of anxiety But still these were but her nightly sorrows she might have been paler when she rose but though her children felt quite sure that Ellen was grieving her exceedingly her cheerful sympathy in their enjoyments and pursuits never waned for a moment
Morris left her at six oclock all his business so satisfactorily accomplished that the old man was quite happy declaring to Ellis he had always thought his mistress unlike any one else before but such a clear head for reducing difficult accounts and tangled affairs to order he had never imagined could either be possessed by or was any business of a woman Not in the least aware of the wondering admiration she had excited Mrs Hamilton had called Robert and proceeded to the schoolroom to get a pattern of embroidery and a note which Caroline had requested might be sent to Annie Grahame that evening the note was on the table but the pattern and some silks she had neglected to put up till her brothers were ready and they so hurried her that her mother had promised she would see to it for her The embroidery box was in a paneled closet of the schoolroom rather high up and in taking especial care to bring it safely down Robert loosened a desk from its equilibrium and it fell to the ground with such force as to break into several pieces and scatter all its contents over the floor It was Ellens the pretty rosewood desk which had been her gift that memorable New Years Eve and was now the repository of her dread secret It was actually in fragments especially where the inkstands and pens had been and the spring broken the secret drawer burst open and all its contents were disclosed Robert was much too concerned to think of any thing but his own extreme carelessness and his mistresss reprimand and he busied himself in hastily picking up the contents and placing them carefully on the table preparatory to their arrangement by Mrs Hamilton in a drawer of the table which she was emptying for the purpose She laid them carefully in and was looking over a book of very nicely written French themes glad there was at least one thing for which she might be satisfied with Ellen when an exclamation—
Why there is one of them I am so glad and as sudden a stop and halfchecked groan from Robert startled her She looked inquiringly at him but he only covered his face with one hand while the other remained quite unconsciously covering the secret drawer out of which the contents had not fallen but were merely disclosed
What is the matter Robert what have you found to cause such contradictory exclamations Speak for Gods sake escaped from Mrs Hamiltons lips for by that lightning touch of association memory thought whatever it may be which joins events together and unites present with past so that almost a life seems crowded in a moment such a suspicion flashed upon her as to make her feel sick and giddy and turn so unusually pale as effectually to rouse Robert and make him spring up to get her a chair
Nothing madam indeed it can be nothing—I must be mistaken—I am acting like a fool this afternoon doing the most unheardof mischief and then frightening you and myself at shadows
This evasion will not do Robert give me the papers at which you were so startled
He hesitated and Mrs Hamilton extended her hand to take them herself but her hand and arm so shook that to hide it from her domestic she let it quietly drop by her side and repeated her command in a tone that brooked no farther delay He placed the little drawer and its contents in her hand and without a word withdrew into the farthest window For full five it might have been ten minutes there was silence so deep a pinfall might have been loudly heard It was broken by Mrs Hamilton
Robert
There was neither change nor tremor in the voice but the fearful expression of forciblycontrolled suffering on her deathlike countenance so awed and terrified him he besought her almost inarticulately to let him fetch a glass of water—wine—something—
It is not at all necessary my good boy I am perfectly well This is I believe the only note that can be identified as one of those you lost these smaller ones she pointed to three of one two and four pounds each which Ellen had received at long intervals from Mrs Langford have nothing to do with it
No madam and that—that may not—
We can not doubt it Robert I have its number I need not detain you however any longer Take care of these broken fragments and if they can be repaired see that it is done Here is Miss Hamiltons note and parcel I believe you are to wait for an answer at all events inquire I need not ask you to be silent on this discovery till I have spoken to Miss Fortescue or to trust my promise to make your innocence fully known
Not by the exposure of Miss Ellen Oh madam this is but one of them the smallest one—it may have come to her by the merest chance—see how stained it is with damp—for the sake of mercy oh madam spare her and yourself too and in the earnestness of his supplication Robert caught hold of her dress hardly knowing himself how he had found courage so to speak His mistresss lips quivered
It is a kind thought Robert and if justice to you and mercy to the guilty can by any extenuating clause unknown to me now be united trust me they shall Now go
He obeyed in silence and still Mrs Hamilton changed not that outward seeming of rigid calm She continued to put every paper and letter away merely retaining the notes locked the drawer took possession of the key and then retired to her own room where for half an hour she remained alone
It is not ours to lift the vail from that brief interval We must have performed our task badly indeed if our readers can not so enter into the lofty character the inward strivings and outward conduct of Mrs Hamilton as not to imagine more satisfactorily to themselves than we could write it the heartcrushing agony of that one half hour and anguish as it was it did but herald deeper There was not even partial escape for her as there would have been had her husband been at home Examination of the culprit whose mysterious conduct was so fatally explained that she did not even dare hope this was the only missing note she had appropriated—compelled confession of the use to which it had been applied—public acknowledgment of Roberts perfect truth and innocence all crowded on her mind like fearful specters of pain and misery from which there could be no escape and from whom did they spring Ellen the child of her adoption of her love whose character she had so tried to mold to good—whose young life she had so sought to make happier than its earliest years—for whom she had so hoped so prayed—so trusted—had borne with anxiety and care tended in physical suffering with such untiring gentleness such exhaustless love and now
CHAPTER V
THE CULPRIT AND THE JUDGE
It was nearly seven when the young party returned delighted as usual with their afternoons amusement and Percy shouting loudly for his mother giving vent to an exclamation of impatience at finding she was still invisible
I shall wish Morris and all his concerns at the bottom of the Dart if he is so to engross my mother when I want her he said as he flung himself full length on a couch in the musicroom desiring Emmeline to make haste and disrobe as he must have an air on the harp to soothe his troubled spirit
Herbert to look for a poem the beauty of which he had been discussing with Miss Harcourt during their sail entered the library but perceiving his mother would have retreated thinking her still engaged but she looked up as the door opened and perceiving him smiled and asked him if they had had a pleasant afternoon He looked at her earnestly without making any reply then approaching her took one of her hands in his and said fondly—
Forgive me dearest mother I ought not perhaps to ask but I am sure something is wrong You are ill—anxious—may I not share it Can I do nothing
Nothing my Herbert bless you for your watchful love—it is such comfort And the long pressure of the hand which so warmly clasped hers the involuntary tenderness with which these few words were said betrayed how much she needed such comfort at that moment but she rallied instantly Do not look so anxious dear boy I am not ill—not quite happy perhaps but we know where to look for strength to bear trial Herbert Wait tea for me till eight oclock it is probable I may be engaged till then and satisfied that she did not wish to be more explicit Herbert took his book and somewhat sorrowfully left her
Ten minutes more and the massive door unclosed again but no step advanced for the intruder remained rooted where the door had closed It was a very large and lofty room with an arched and Gothic roof of black and fretted oak the walls and chimneypiece of the same material and most elaborate workmanship A sort of dais remnant of olden times divided the upper part of the room by two or three steps from the lower On this dais was the raised readingdesk of superbly carved oak at which Mr Hamilton officiated morning and evening and two library tables of more modern workmanship stood on each side but rather lower down Except the massive oaken chairs and couches and three or four curious tables scattered about and the wellfilled bookcases forming to the height of five feet the border as it were of the fretted woodwork of the walls and filling up the niches formed by the windows the lower part of the hall twothirds of the length was comparatively unoccupied showing its vast space and superb roof to still greater advantage The magnificently stained windows one on the dais—a deep oriel—threw such subdued light into the room as accorded well with its other appointments but as evening advanced gave it that sort of soft holy light which always impresses the spirit with a species of awe
We do not think it was that feeling alone which so overpowered the second intruder as to arrest her spellbound on the threshold Mrs Hamilton was seated at one of the tables on the dais nearest the oriel window the light from which fell full on her giving her figure though she was seated naturally enough in one of the large maroon velvet oaken chairs an unusual effect of dignity and command and impressing the terrified beholder with such a sensation of awe that had her life depended on it she could not for that one minute have gone forward and even when desired to do so by the words—
I desired your presence Ellen because I wished to speak to you come here without any more delay—how she walked the whole length of that interminable room and stood facing her aunt she never knew
Mrs Hamilton for a full minute did not speak but she fixed that searching look to which we have once before alluded upon Ellens face and then said in a tone which though very low and calm expressed as much as that earnest look—
Ellen is it necessary for me to tell you why you are here—necessary to produce the proof that my words are right and that you have been influenced by the fearful effects of some unconfessed and most heinous sin Little did I dream its nature
For a moment Ellen stood as turned to stone as white and rigid—the next she had sunk down with a wild bitter cry at Mrs Hamiltons feet and buried her face in her hands
Is it true—can it be true—that you offspring of my own sister dear to me cherished by me as my own child—you have been the guilty one to appropriate and conceal the appropriation of money which has been a source of distress by its loss and the suspicion thence proceeding for the last seven weeks—that you could listen to your uncles words absolving his whole household as incapable of a deed which was actual theft and yet by neither word nor sign betray remorse or guilt—could behold the innocent suffering the fearful misery of suspicion loss of character without the power of clearing himself and stand calmly heedlessly by—only proving by your hardened and rebellious temper that all was not right within—Ellen can this be true
Yes was the reply but with such a fearful effort that her slight frame shook as with an ague thank God that it is known I dared not bring down the punishment on myself but I can bear it
This is mere mockery Ellen how dare I believe even this poor evidence of repentance with the recollection of your past conduct What were the notes you found
Ellen named them
Where are they—This is but one and the smallest
Ellens answer was scarcely audible
Used them—and for what
There was no answer neither then nor when Mrs Hamilton sternly reiterated the question She then demanded—
How long have they been in your possession
Five or six weeks but the reply was so tremulous it carried no conviction with it
Since Robert told his story to your uncle or before
Before
Then your last answer was a falsehood Ellen it is full seven weeks since my husband addressed the household on the subject You could not have so miscounted time with such a deed to date by Where did you find them
Ellen described the spot
And what business had you there You know that neither you nor your cousins are ever allowed to go that way to Mrs Langfords cottage and more especially alone If you wanted to see her why did you not go the usual way And when was this—you must remember the exact day Your memory is not in general so treacherous
Again Ellen was silent
Have you forgotten it
She crouched lower at her aunts feet but the answer was audible—
No
Then answer me Ellen this moment and distinctly for what purpose were you seeking Mrs Langfords cottage by that forbidden path and when
I wanted money and I went to ask her to take my trinkets—my watch if it must be—and dispose of them as I had read of others doing as miserable as I was and the wind blew the notes to my very hand and I used them I was mad then—I have been mad since I believe but I would have returned the whole amount to Robert if I could but have parted with my trinkets in time
To describe the tone of utter despair the recklessness as to the effect her words would produce is impossible Every word increased Mrs Hamiltons bewilderment and misery To suppose that Ellen did not feel was folly It was the very depth of wretchedness which was crushing her to the earth but every answered and unanswered question but deepened the mystery and rendered her judges task more difficult
And when was this Ellen I will have no more evasion—tell me the exact day
But she asked in vain Ellen remained moveless and silent as the dead
After several minutes Mrs Hamilton removed her hands from her face and compelling her to lift up her head gazed searchingly on her deathlike countenance for some moments in utter silence and then said in a tone that Ellen never in her life forgot—
You can not imagine Ellen that this halfconfession will either satisfy me or in the smallest degree redeem your sin One and one only path is open to you for all that you have said and left unsaid but deepens your apparent guilt and so blackens your conduct that I can scarcely believe I am addressing the child I so loved—and could still so love if but one real sign be given of remorse and penitence—one hope of returning truth But that sign that hope can only be a full confession Terrible as is the guilt of appropriating so large a sum granted it came by the merest chance into your hand dark as is the additional sin of concealment when an innocent person was suffering—something still darker more terrible must lie concealed behind it or you would not could not continue thus obdurately silent I can believe that under some heavy pressure of misery some strong excitement the sum might have been used without thought and that fear might have prevented the confession of any thing so dreadful but what was this heavy necessity for money this strong excitement What fearful and mysterious difficulties have you been led into to call for either Tell me the truth Ellen the whole truth let me have some hope of saving you and myself the misery of publicly declaring you the guilty one and so proving Roberts innocence Tell me what difficulty what misery so maddened you as to demand the disposal of your trinkets If there be the least excuse the smallest possibility of your obtaining in time forgiveness I will grant it I will not believe you so utterly fallen I will do all I can to remove error and yet to prevent suffering but to win this I must have a full confession—every question that I put to you must be clearly and satisfactorily answered and so bring back the only comfort to yourself and hope to me Will you do this Ellen
Oh that I could was the reply in such bitter anguish Mrs Hamilton actually shuddered But I can not—must not—dare not Aunt Emmeline hate me condemn me to the severest sharpest suffering I wish for it pine for it you can not loathe me more than I do myself but do not—do not speak to me in these kind tones—I can not bear them It was because I knew what a wretch I am that I have so shunned you I was not worthy to be with you oh sentence me at once I dare not answer as you wish
Dare not repeated Mrs Hamilton more and more bewildered and to conceal the emotion Ellens wild words and agonized manner had produced adopting greater sternness You dare commit a sin from which the lowest of my household would shrink in horror and yet tell me you dare not make the only atonement give me the only proof of real penitence I demand This is a weak and wicked subterfuge Ellen and will not pass with me There can be no reason for this fearful obduracy not even the consciousness of greater guilt for I promise forgiveness if it be possible on the sole condition of a full confession Once more will you speak Your hardihood will be utterly useless for you can not hope to conquer me and if you permit me to leave you with your conduct still clothed in this impenetrable mystery you will compel me to adopt measures to subdue that defying spirit which will expose you and myself to intense suffering but which must force submission at last
You can not inflict more than I have endured the last seven weeks murmured Ellen almost inarticulately I have borne that I can bear the rest
Then you will not answer You are resolved not to tell me the day on which you found that money the use to which it was applied the reason of your choosing that forbidden path permitting me to believe you guilty of heavier sins than may be the case in reality Listen to me Ellen it is more than time this interview should cease but I will give you one chance more It is now halfpast seven—she took the watch from her neck and laid it on the table—I will remain here one halfhour longer by that time this sinful temper may have passed away and you will consent to give me the confession I demand I can not believe you so altered in two months as to choose obduracy and misery when pardon and in time confidence and love are offered in their stead Get up from that crouching posture it can be but mock humility and so only aggravates your sin
Ellen rose slowly and painfully and seating herself at the table some distance from her aunt leaned her arms upon it and buried her face within them Never before and never after did half an hour appear so interminable to either Mrs Hamilton or Ellen It was well for the firmness of the former perhaps that she could not read the heart of that young girl even if the cause of its anguish had been still concealed Again and again did the wild longing turning her actually faint and sick with its agony come over her to reveal the whole to ask but rest and mercy for herself pardon and security for Edward but then clear as held before her in letters of fire she read every word of her brothers desperate letter particularly Breathe it to my uncle or aunt for if she knows it he will and you will never see me more Her mother pallid as death seemed to stand before her freezing confession on her heart and lips looking at her threateningly as she had so often seen her as if the very thought were guilt The rapidly advancing twilight the large and lonely room all added to that fearful illusion and if Ellen did succeed in praying it was with desperate fervor for strength not to betray her brother If ever there were a martyr spirit it was enshrined in that young frail form
But how could Mrs Hamilton imagine this How could her wildest fancy bring Edward—the brave happy eager Edward of whom captain officers and crew wrote in such terms of praise and admiration who had never given cause for anxiety and who was so far distant—as the uniting link to this terrible mystery Was it not more natural that he should not enter the incongruous and painful thoughts floating through her brain save as her last resource by his influence to obtain the truth from Ellen The more she thought the more agonizing her thoughts became what could induce this determined silence but a conviction of deeper guilt and what could that guilt be The most terrible suspicions crossed her mind she had heard though she had scarcely believed in them of entanglements even where the guardianship had been most rigid Could one so young seemingly so innocent have fallen into the power of some desperate character who was working on her thus How could she be sure she intended to take her trinkets to Mrs Langford Her choosing that forbidden path which was never by any chance trodden by the family or their friends her constant desire lately not to join them in their excursions preferring and often finding some excuse to remain alone—all came to Mrs Hamiltons mind with such an overpowering sensation of dread and misery that the worst guilt Ellen could have avowed would scarcely have been worse than anticipation pictured and yet every thought was so vague every fancy so undefined—there was nothing she could grasp at as a saving hope or in the remotest degree excusing cause such obdurate silence in one so young generally so yielding could and must conceal nothing but still more fearful sin The darkness which had gathered round them save the brightening light of the harvest moon suddenly awakened her to the lapse of time The moonlight fell full on the face of the watch which was a repeater It wanted but three minutes more and Mrs Hamilton watched the progress of the hand with such sickening dread that when it reached the hour she had scarcely strength to strike it and so give notice—for words she had none—that the hour of grace had passed But she conquered the powerlessness and those soft chimes which when Ellen first came to Oakwood had been such a constant source of childish wonder and delight now rang in her ears louder hoarser more fearfully distinct than even those of the ancient timepiece in the hall which at the same moment rang out the hour of eight
The sound ceased and with heightened dignity but in perfect silence Mrs Hamilton rose passed her niece and had nearly reached the door when she paused and turned toward Ellen as if irresolute Ellens eyes had watched her as in fascination and the pause endowed her with just sufficient power to spring forward fling herself at her aunts feet and clasping her knees with all her little remaining strength passionately implore—
Aunt Emmeline aunt Emmeline speak to me but one word only one word of kindness before you go I do not ask for mercy there can be none for such a wretch as I am I will bear without one complaint one murmur all you may inflict—you can not be too severe Nothing can be such agony as the utter loss of your affection I thought the last two months that I feared you so much that it was all fear no love but now now that you know my sin it has all all come back to make me still more wretched And before Mrs Hamilton could prevent or was in the least aware of her intention Ellen had obtained possession of one of her hands and was covering it with kisses while her whole frame shook with those convulsed but completely tearless sobs
Will you confess Ellen if I stay Will you give me the proof that it is such agony to lose my affection that you do love me as you profess and that it is only one sin which has so changed you One word and tardy as it is I will listen and if I can forgive
Ellen made no answer and Mrs Hamiltons newlyraised hopes vanished she waited full two or three minutes then gently disengaged her hand and dress from Ellens still convulsive grasp the door closed with a sullen seemingly unwilling sound and Ellen was alone She remained in the same posture the same spot till a vague cold terror so took possession of her that the room seemed filled with ghostly shapes and all the articles of furniture suddenly transformed to things of life and springing up with the wild fleet step of fear she paused not till she found herself in her own room where flinging herself on her bed she buried her face on her pillow to shut out every object—oh how she longed to shut out thought
It was such a different scene such a fullness of innocent joy on which Mrs Hamilton entered that though she thought herself nerved to control all visible emotion the contrast almost overpowered her knowing too that the fatal effects of one persons sin must banish that innocent enjoyment and would fall on them all as some fearful joydestroying blow The room one of the least spacious was cheerfully lighted the urn hissing upon the table at which Caroline us usual was presiding only waiting for her mothers appearance to satisfy Percy who was loudly declaring he was famished in two senses—for want of his mothers company and of some restorative for his craving appetite He was lounging on the sofa playing with Emmelines flowing ringlets as she sat on a low stool by his side chatting with him in as discursive a strain as his fancy willed Herbert and Miss Harcourt were still in earnest discussion on their poem from which Herbert was occasionally reading aloud such beautiful passages and with such richness of intonation and variety of expression that Caroline and even Percy and Emmeline would pause involuntarily to listen
At length exclaimed Percy springing up as did Herbert at the same moment to get their mother a chair and place her comfortably as usual in the midst of them Mother I really did begin to think you intended to punish my impatience by not joining us at all tonight
I did not know you were impatient my dear boy or perhaps I might have done so was her quiet and even smiling reply I fear indeed waiting for me so long after a waterexcursion must have caused you to be impatient in another sense
What that we must be all famished I assure you we are and the loss of your society sharpened the pangs of hunger I owe Morris a grudge and will certainly serve him out one day for detaining you so long when I wanted you
It was not Morris that detained me answered Mrs Hamilton somewhat hurriedly I had done with him by six oclock but come tell me something about your excursion she added evidently anxious to elude farther remark and perceiving at once that Miss Harcourt and Herbert both looked at her very anxiously How did your boat go and how did Carolines voice and your flute sound on the water Percy Herbert I see has found poetry as usual and made Miss Harcourt his companion you must tell me what verses our beautiful river recalled this afternoon and you Emmy have you any more sketches to fill up
Her children eagerly entered on their days enjoyment—Herbert conquering his anxiety to emulate his mothers calmness but Miss Harcourt had been too painfully startled by the unusual expression of forciblycontrolled suffering on her friends face to do so with any success Nearly an hour however passed animatedly as usual each found so much to tell and Percy was in such wild spirits that it was utterly impossible for there to be any thing like a pause Tea had always been a favorite meal at Oakwood as bringing all the family together after the various business of the day and it continued to be so They had lingered over it as usual when Caroline suddenly exclaimed—
What has become of Ellen I had quite forgotten her till this moment how neglectful she will think us Do ring the bell Percy that we may send and let her know
If she has no recollection of mealtime I really think we need not trouble ourselves about her was Percys halfjesting halfearnest reply for Ellens changed manner to his mother had made him more angry with her and for a longer time together than he had ever been with any body especially a woman in his life He stretched out his hand however to ring the bell but Mrs Hamilton stopped him
You need not Percy your cousin will not wish to join us she said and her tone was now so expressive of almost anguish that every one of that happy party startled and looked at her with the most unfeigned alarm and Percy every thought of jest and joyousness checked threw his arms round her exclaiming—
Mother dearest what has happened—that unhappy girl again I am sure it is Why do you not cast her off from your heart at once she will bring you nothing but sorrow for all your love
Percy how can you be so harsh—how unlike you exclaimed Emmeline indignantly as Mrs Hamiltons head for a few minutes of natural weakness sunk on her sons encircling arm We have all given mamma trouble and pain enough one time or other and what would have become of us if she had cast us off and Ellen has no mother too—for shame
Hush answered Percy almost sternly for there were times when he could quite throw off the boy This is no light or common matter to affect my mother thus Shall we send for Mr Howard mother he continued fondly in my fathers absence he is your ablest friend—we can only feel not counsel
But there are times when feeling can aid in bringing back control and strength when counsel alone would seem so harsh and cold we can only weep before it and the fond affection of her children the unusual assumption of protecting manliness in Percy so touchingly united with the deep respect that prevented the least intrusive question as to the cause of her distress till she chose to reveal it gave her power to send back the tears that had escaped at first so hot and fast and though still holding his hand as if its very pressure was support she was enabled calmly to relate the fatal discovery of that evening Its effect was in truth as if a thunderbolt had fallen in the midst of them An execration forcibly checked but passionate as his nature burst from the lips of Percy as he clamped his arm close round his mother as thus to protect her from the misery he felt himself Herbert with a low cry of pain buried his face in his hands Caroline shocked and bewildered but her first thought for her mother could only look at and feel for her quite forgetting that her every prejudice against Ellen did indeed seem fulfilled Emmeline at first looked stunned then sinking down at Mrs Hamiltons feet hid her face on her lap and sobbed with such uncontrolled violence that it might have seemed as if she herself not Ellen were the guilty cause of all this misery Miss Harcourt like Caroline could only think and feel for Mrs Hamilton for she knew so well all the hope interest and love which Ellen had excited and what must be the bitter suffering of this fearful disappointment
Do not weep thus love Mrs Hamilton said addressing Emmeline after nearly a quarter of an hour had passed and the various emotions of each individual had found vent in words well illustrative of their respective characters all but Emmeline who continued to sob so painfully that her mother successfully forgot her own sorrow to comfort her Ellen is still very young and though she is giving us all this misery and disappointment now she may become all we can wish her byandby We must not give up all hope because now all my cares seem so blighted There is some fatal mystery attached to her conduct for I am indeed deceived if she is not very wretched and there is some hope in that
Then why does she not speak rejoined Percy impetuously for when he found his mother resuming control and firmness he had given vent to his indignation by striding hastily up and down the room What but the most determined hardihood and wickedness can keep her silent when you promise forgiveness if she will but speak What mystery can there or ought there to be about her when she has such an indulgent friend as yourself to bring all her troubles to Wretched I hope she is for she deserves to be if it were only for her base ingratitude
Percy dear Percy do not speak and judge so very harshly interposed Herbert with deep feeling there does indeed seem no excuse for her conduct but if we ever should find that there is some extenuating cause how unhappy we shall be for having judged her still more harshly than she deserved
It is impossible we can do that muttered Percy continuing his angry walk Nothing but guilt can be the cause of her keeping any thing from my mother Ellen knows as we all know that even error when confessed has always been forgiven sorrow always soothed and every difficulty removed What can her silence spring from then but either defying obstinacy or some blacker sin
It does seem like it unhappily rejoined Caroline but very sorrowfully not at all as if she triumphed in her own previous penetration but she can not persevere in it long Dear mamma do not look so distressed it is impossible she can resist you for any length of time
She has resisted every offer of kindness my dear child and it is the difficulty as to what course to pursue to compel submission and confession that so grieves and perplexes me
Let me seek Mr Howard dearest mother answered Herbert he is so good so kind even in his severest judgments that I really think Ellen will scarcely be able to persevere in her mistaken silence if he speak to her
Mrs Hamilton paused for some moments in thought
I believe you are right Herbert If I must have counsel out of my own family I can not go to a kinder wiser or more silent friend If the fearful shame which I must inflict on Ellen tonight of proving Roberts innocence before my whole household by the denouncement of her guilt have no effect in softening her I will appeal to him
Oh mamma must this be—can you not will you not spare her this implored Emmeline clinging to her mother in passionate entreaty it would kill me I know it would Do not—do not expose her to such shame
Do you think it is no suffering to my mother to be called upon to do this Emmeline that you add to it by this weak interference replied Percy sternly before his mother could reply Shame she has shamed us all enough There wants little more to add to it
But Emmelines blue eyes never moved from her mothers face and Miss Harcourt longing to spare Mrs Hamilton the suffering of such a proceeding tried to persuade her to evade it but she did not succeed
One word of confession—one evidence that her sin originated in a momentary temptation that it conceals nothing darker—one real proof of penitence and God knows how gladly I would have spared myself and her but as it is Lucy Emmeline do not make my duty harder
Few as those words were the tone that spoke them was enough No more was said and Mrs Hamilton tried but with very little success to turn her childrens thoughts to other and pleasanter things Time seemed to lag heavily and yet when the prayer bell sounded it fell on every heart as some fearful knell which must have been struck too soon
All were assembled in the library and in their respective places all but one and Herbert waited her appearance
Tell Miss Fortescue that we are only waiting for her to commence prayers and Fanny the young ladies attendant departed to obey wondering at Miss Ellens nonappearance but hearing nothing unusual in her mistresss voice She returned but still they waited again the door unclosed and Emmeline bent forward in an attitude of agony and shame unable even to look at her cousin whose place was close beside her but the words she dreaded came not then—Herbert at his mothers sign commenced the service and it proceeded as usual The fearful struggle in Mrs Hamiltons gentle bosom who might read save the allpitying God whom she so fervently addressed for strength and guidance The voice of her son ceased and the struggle was over
Before we part for the night she said when all but one had arisen it is necessary that the innocent should be so justified before you all that he should no longer be injured by suspicion and avoidance It is nearly two months since your master assured you of his own and of my perfect conviction that Robert Langford had told the truth and that the missing notes had been unfortunately lost by him not appropriated as I fear most of you have believed and are still inclined to do The complete failure of every search for them has induced a very uncomfortable feeling among you all as to the person on whom suspicion of finding and appropriating them might fall none but the household frequenting that particular path and none being able to suppose that the storm could have so dispersed as to lose all trace of them I acknowledge it was unlikely but not so unlikely as that Robert Langford should have failed in honesty or that any of my household should have appropriated or concealed them All mystery is now however at an end the missing notes have been traced and found and that all suspicion and discomfort may be removed from among you it becomes my duty to designate the individual who has thus transgressed every duty to God and man not by the sin alone but by so long permitting the innocent to suffer for the guilty more especially as that individual is one of my own family—for one moment she paused whether to gain strength or to give more force to her concluding words no one could tell—Ellen Fortescue
CHAPTER VI
THE SENTENCE AND ITS EXECUTION
The excitement which reigned in the servants hall after they had withdrawn in the most respectful silence from the library was extreme Robert utterly unable to realize relief in this proof of his own innocence could only pace the hall in agony deploring his mad carelessness which by exposing to temptation had caused it all and Morris and Ellis deepened the remorse by perfectly agreeing with him Before they separated the old steward called them all together and his voice trembling with agitation the tears actually running down his furrowed cheeks told them that even as their mistress had done her duty to the utmost ay more than the utmost by them—for it must have wellnigh broken her heart to do it—a solemn duty was demanded from them to her and that if either man woman or child failed in it he should know that they had neither feeling honor nor gratitude in their hearts and deserved and should be scouted by them all and that duty was never to let the event of that night pass their lips even to each other It was enough that all mystery and suspicion had been taken from them and that time would clear up the remainder he never would believe the grandchild of his mistresss father one she had so loved and cared for could willfully act as appearances seemed to say that he was sure one day or other they would all find there was much more to pity than to blame and till then if they had the least spark of generous or grateful feeling they would forget the whole affair and only evince their sense of their mistresss conduct by yet greater respect and attention to their respective duties
The old mans speech was garrulous and perhaps often faulty in grammar but it came from the heart and so went to the heart at once and not one held back from the pledge of silence he demanded There are some who imagine that the refinement of feeling which alone could actuate Morriss speech and its warm and immediate response is only to be found among the educated and the rich how little those who thus suppose understand the human heart Kindness begets kindness and if superiors will but think of and seek the happiness temporal and eternal of their inferiors—will but prove that they are considered us children of one common Father—there needs no equality of rank to create equality of happiness or equality of refined because true feeling
The next morning when Mrs Hamilton had occasion to speak to Morris about some farm receipts which had not been forthcoming the preceding day she recalled him as he was departing but the words she had to say seemed unusually difficult for her voice audibly faltered and her face was completely shaded by her hand It was simply to ask that which Morriss loving reverence had already done and when the old man in those earnest accents of heartfelt respect and kindness which never can be mistaken related what had passed his mistress hastily extended her hand to him saying in a tone he never forgot—
God bless you Morris I ought to have known your love for your masters house would have urged this without any request from me I can not thank you enough The kiss he ventured to press upon the delicate hand which pressed his rough palm was not unaccompanied though he did force back the tear and most respectfully yet very earnestly beseech his mistress not to take on too much There must be some cause some mystery no one belonging to her could so have acted without some very fearful temptation some very powerful reason and it would all come straight one day
But whatever the future the present was only suffering for to obtain a full confession from Ellen Mrs Hamilton felt so absolutely incumbent on her that she steadily refused to listen to either pity or affection which could shake her firmness and the opinion and advice of Mr Howard strengthened the determination He had a private interview with Ellen but it was attended with so very little success that he left her far more bewildered and grieved than he had sought her but fully convinced it was mere hardihood and obstinacy which caused her incomprehensible and most guilty silence Not even allowing as Mrs Hamilton had that there was any evidence of misery and remorse perhaps she had been more quiet more resolutely calm and if it had not been for the strong appearances against her he surely must have seen it was the strength and quiet of despair not the defiance he believed
This rebellious spirit must be conquered he said on rejoining Mrs Hamilton who with her children and Miss Harcourt had most anxiously and yet hopefully awaited the result of his interference We should actually be sharing her sin if we permit her to conquer us by obduracy and selfwill Solitary confinement and complete idleness may bring her to a better temper and in fact should be persisted in till a full confession be made If that fail my dear Mrs Hamilton your niece should be banished from Oakwood She must not remain here a continual source of anxiety and misery to you and of successful hardihood to herself but of that there will be time enough to think when you have an answer from Mr Hamilton his judgment from a distance may be wiser than ours on the spot and irritated as we are by such unaccountable obstinacy in one we have always thought almost too yielding
And it was this incomprehensible change of character in seeming that still more perplexed Mrs Hamilton and so made her believe there must be some worse fault or dangerous entanglement demanding such resolute pertinacity in concealment
Closely connected with Elliss private apartments and having neither inlet nor outlet save through the short passage opening from her sittingroom were two small but not uncomfortable apartments opening one into the other and looking out on a very pretty but quite unfrequented part of the park They had often been used when any of Elliss children or grandchildren came to see her and were in consequence almost sufficiently habitable without any further preparation except the turning one into a sittingroom which Elliss active care speedily accomplished Her mistress inspected them at her desire suggested one or two additional comforts and then held a long confidential conversation with her She had such perfect confidence in her for Ellis had been from a child—married and become mother and widow and married her children—all as an inmate of the Hamilton family and had held the confidential post of housekeeper for sixteen years that she did not hesitate one moment to commit Ellen entirely to her care at least till she could receive an answer about her from her husband She depended on her to watch over her health to see that she took daily exercise with her in those parts of the park where she was not likely to attract notice as being with her instead of with any member of her family and that she took her regular meals to be with her whenever she took them and at casual times in the day not so as to remove the impression of solitude and disgrace but to be enabled to watch her closely and the least symptom of a softening spirit to report instantly to her
She will of course join us in the hours of devotion though not occupying her usual place for she who has lowered herself in the sight of God and man beneath the humblest of my domestics may no longer kneel above them she said in conclusion But of my determination on that point she is already aware and she will go with us as usual to church I will have no remark made further than I can avoid Be as kind to her as you can Ellis consistent with your character as a wise and watchful guardian God in mercy grant that her heart may be so softened that you will not fill that painful position long And now to see her
But Percys watchful care had so quietly interposed that his mother found herself in their usual sittingroom and in the midst of them all before she could seek Ellen and when with half reproach she told him that she had still a most painful duty to accomplish therefore he ought not to have prevented it he answered impetuously—
Mother you shall not see Ellen any more alone she has made you miserable enough already and each time that she sees you her deceitful appearance of remorse and suffering for they can not be real or she would speak but add to it send for her here and tell her your decision before us all
And Mrs Hamilton complied for she felt as if her firmness would be less likely to fail than if Ellen attempted any thing like supplication with her alone But not a word of supplication came Ellen had answered the summons by quietly accompanying Ellis who had been sent for her to her aunts presence pale indeed as marble but so tearless and still as to seem unmoved An expression of actual relief stole over her features as she heard her sentence undisturbed even when told that this would only be till Mr Hamiltons sentence came as if she continued silent until then of course whatever severer measures he might dictate would be instantly obeyed But when Mrs Hamilton proceeded to say that she intended writing the whole affair to Edward that his influence might awaken her to a sense of the fearfully aggravated guilt she was incurring by her silence an expression of the most intense agony succeeded the previous calm and sinking down before her Ellen wildly implored—
Oh aunt Emmeline in mercy spare him do not oh do not throw such shame upon him he who is so brave admired honored do not oh if you have any pity left do not make him hate me loathe me too my own only brother he must throw me off How can he bear such shame upon his name Oh do with me more than you have said any thing every thing but that Spare him
Spare him yourself interposed Percy sternly—He was standing with his arms crossed by a window Herbert was leaning at the back of Mrs Hamiltons chair Caroline and Miss Harcourt trying very steadily to work and Emmeline bending over a drawing which her tears were utterly spoiling—If the knowledge of your sin make him miserable as it must be yourself the one to save him—you alone can Speak—break this determined and most guilty silence and his influence will not be needed and my mother will be silent to him concerning what has passed now and forever as we will all If you so love him spare him the shame you have brought on all of us if not it is mere words as must be the love you have professed all these years for my mother
Ellen turned her face toward him for a single minute with such an expression of unutterable misery that he turned hastily away even his anger in part subdued and Mrs Hamilton could scarcely reply
I can not grant your request Ellen for to refuse it appears to me the only means of softening you It may be a full fortnight before I can write to Edward for we must receive letters first If during that interval you choose to give me the only proof of repentance that can satisfy me or bring the least hope of returning happiness to yourself I shall now know how to act I would indeed spare your brother this bitter shame but if you continue thus obdurate no entreaties will move me Rise and go with Ellis Punishment and misery repentance and pardon are all before you you alone can choose I shall interfere no more till your uncles sentence comes And longing to end this painful scene for her mistresss sake Ellis led Ellen from the room and conducted her to the apartments assigned her She felt much too angry and annoyed at the pain and trouble Ellen was giving her mistress to evince any thing like kindness toward her at first but she had not been under her care above a week before her feelings underwent a complete change
Suffering as she was enduring more especially from the conviction that to every one of those she loved for affection for each one of the family had now returned with almost passionate violence she must be an object of hate and loathing yet that her sin was known was a relief so inexpressibly blessed she felt strengthened to endure every thing else She knew and her God knew the agonized temptation to the momentary act and the cause of her determined silence She felt there was strange comfort in that though she knew no punishment could be too severe for the sin itself and she prayed constantly to be enabled to bear it and still not to betray her brother and the consequence of these petitions was a calm gentle deeply submissive demeanor Not a murmur ever passed her lips and Ellis scarcely ever saw the signs of tears which she longed for for the quiet but fearfully intense suffering Ellens very evident daily portion alarmed her for its effect upon her always delicate health As yet however there was no outward appearance of its failing it rather bore up from the cessation of the nervous dread and constant terror which she had endured before and before Mr Hamiltons letter arrived a month after the fatal discovery Ellis had drawn her own conclusions and her manner instead of being distant and cold had become so excessively kind and feeling that the poor girl felt some heavy change must be impending she dared not look to the continuance of such comfort
But Mrs Hamilton never saw her niece save when no words could pass between them and she could not judge as Ellis did She could only feel as each day passed without bringing the desired proof of sorrow and amendment more and more bewildered and very wretched Though for her childrens sake she so conquered the feeling as after the first week to restore cheerfulness and promote the various amusements they had all so enjoyed Ellens disappearance had of course to be accounted for to the intimate friends with whom they so constantly were but her acknowledgment that she had been disappointed in her and that her conduct would not allow her any social or domestic indulgence at least for a time satisfied the elder members Annie for the first time discovered that Caroline was her match in cleverness merely from her excessive truth and simplicity and that manœuvre as she might she could not discover the smallest clew to this sudden mystery And Mary for the first time and on this one subject alone found Herbert and Emmeline impenetrably reserved
As soon as Mrs Langford had been informed by her son at his mistresss desire of the unanswerable proof of his innocence she hastened to the Hall and requesting a private interview with Mrs Hamilton placed at once in her hands all the trinkets and watch with which she had been at different times intrusted related all that had passed between her and Miss Fortescue the excessive misery she seemed to be enduring and confessed that the few pounds she had given her as the sums obtained by the sale of the trinkets she had advanced herself having resolved that nothing should induce her to dispose of them and that of course it was the difficulty she had in advancing their right value which had occasioned the length of time that had elapsed since Ellen had first sought her
Would it not go far to prove she really did wish to return the money Mrs Hamilton thought long after the widow had left her and the sums she had advanced returned with interest Was it to return the fatally appropriated sum or because she needed more Ellen had so positively and with such agony asserted the first that it was scarcely possible to disbelieve her but what was this fearful difficulty this pressing demand by one so young for so much money Why if it were comparatively innocent would she not speak The more she thought the more perplexed and anxious she seemed to become The act itself of endeavoring to dispose of the trinkets especially those that had been given and received as doubly valuable because they had been worn by her mother would have been sufficiently faulty to have occasioned natural displeasure but compared with other known and unknown faults it sunk into almost nothing Mrs Hamilton collected them all together those Mrs Langford had returned and the few remaining in her nieces drawer and carefully put them away till circumstances might authorize her returning them to Ellen and determined on saying nothing more on the subject either to Ellen or her own family
One thing Ellis reported to her regarding Ellen which certainly seemed like a consciousness of the wrong she had done Robert and a wish to atone for it She begged Ellis so earnestly that she might see him if it were only for five minutes that she could not resist her and when he came she implored him so touchingly so pleadingly to forgive her long silence himself and entreat his mother to do so too assuring him that it was the hope of being able to restore the notes to him without revealing her identity which had caused the silence that it was scarcely possible to listen to her unmoved It was no false humility but the deepest most unfeigned contrition for having been the cause of injury
Ten days after Ellens imprisonment the letter arrived from Sir Edward Manly which Mrs Hamilton had alluded to as necessary to be received before she could write to her nephew and the news it brought though somewhat alloyed would at another time have been received with the greatest delight Edward was returning In three weeks or a month at the utmost after the receipt of his commanders letter he might be with them all invalided home for a three or four months leave There had been another and rather severe engagement in which young Fortescue had still more distinguished himself but from his headlong courage had been severely but not at all seriously hurt Sir Edward intended sending the pirate frigate which they had taken to England as she was a tightbuilt well looking craft enough he wrote if manned with honorable men instead of desperate villians and had nominated Harding and Fortescue to accompany the second lieutenant as her officers
The name of Harding produced no disagreeable reminiscences in Mrs Hamiltons mind It had been so very long since Edward had even mentioned him that she had almost forgotten his early fancy for him Her only thought now was thankfulness that her gallant nephew had been preserved and that he was coming home It could scarcely be pleasure she felt though all the young party did for there was such an excitement in Edwards courage and in his having been in two desperate engagements and seen so much that with the buoyancy happily natural to welldisposed youth they could only think and talk of his return forgetting the alloy that must cloud it Percy and Herbert hoped he would arrive within the three weeks as then they should be with him at least a week or ten days If delayed he would very provokingly just arrive as they would be returning to college
After much painful deliberation Mrs Hamilton determined on making Herbert her messenger with these unexpected tidings to Ellen hoping more than she expressed that his gentle eloquence in bringing before her the misery to which she must condemn her brother if she would persist in this silence and so compel an appeal to him would have some effect especially as she charged him to impress upon her that even now confession should bring pardon and concealment of all from Edward Herbert gladly undertook the mission and so feelingly so earnestly discharged it that poor Ellen felt more heartbroken than she had done yet and almost incapable of retaining her firmness But she did for danger to Edward seemed more imminent now that he was coming home to the very vicinity of his dreaded uncle than when he was at a distance She could only feel thankful—if concealment were indeed so absolutely necessary as he had declared it to be—that Mr Hamilton was still from home and might continue to be so during Edwards visit It was difficult to repress the sickening shudder when Herbert chanced to mention that Harding was her brothers companion in his voyage home and difficult not to express more disappointment than the occasion warranted that Edward had not answered her last letter He must have received it Herbert said for Sir Edward acknowledged his fathers in which hers to Edward had been inclosed He left her after a very long interview deeply grieved at the failure of all his persuasions all his remonstrances but compelled he could not satisfactorily explain why either to himself or to his family to pity far more than to blame Percy declared as did Caroline and Miss Harcourt that it must be only his own too kind and gentle disposition which never could blame anybody or any thing Mrs Hamilton was bitterly disappointed Mr Howard insisted that such obduracy demanded nothing but the sternest treatment and he only wished Mr Hamiltons letter could arrive at once He saw Ellen again himself twice in the five weeks which elapsed between the discovery of her sin and the arrival of Mr Hamiltons answer but if kindness had so failed it was comparatively easy to resist his wellintentioned but in this case utterly mistaken sternness He was in general so kind even in his judgments that Mrs Hamilton thought he must have some reason to believe Ellen so thoroughly hardened and from his report of her was enabled to impart her husbands sentence with more firmness than had she listened to her own kind still loving heart
It was as she and Mr Howard had both expected Ellen was no longer to remain at Oakwood but to be placed under the care of a maiden lady living in Yorkshire a relation of Mr Hamilton and one who had occasionally visited Oakwood and was therefore well known to Mrs Hamilton and to Ellis too and regarded with such dislike by the latter as to make her actually venture to entreat her mistress not to send Miss Ellen to her she was sure it would break her heart Now Miss Seldon was one of the worthiest women that ever breathed—honest straightforward truthspeaking literally to a fault but as hard as she was true Whether she ever had any feelings or not Mrs Hamilton with all her penetration never could discover but the good she did was immense in practical benevolence though the quick sympathy the kindly word the indulgent thought seemed utterly unknown She had no pity for faults or failings always declaring forbearance and love were all folly if a branch were in the slightest degree decayed cut it off if the blight extend to the root destroy it she was fond of saying As for youthful follies or errors she had no patience with them for never having been or rather felt young herself she could not understand the age in others Ellis had not discrimination enough to discern the good which lay under this very disagreeable exterior Mrs Hamilton had and suffering as she knew a residence with her must be to Ellen if indeed she were really the character she had seemed in childhood—though the last few months had so contradicted it—she felt her husband had decided wisely spite of the misery which still even the very thought of sending her orphan niece so completely from her was to herself Mr Hamiltons letter read harshly but his wife knew his high almost stern principles he had not seen Ellens evident anguish he could only judge from the relation which had been sent him and all which that told was indeed against her Of course he said if she had confessed and her confession in any degree pleaded for her his wife would use her own judgment as to the period of her banishment but he could not imagine any cause for her conduct sufficiently excusing as to demand the avoidance of his sentence altogether
Miss Seldons last visit to Oakwood was sufficiently well remembered by the young Hamiltons though it was before their cousins had arrived from India for them all—even Percy and Caroline the most indignant against Ellen—to think of their fathers sentence with the deepest regret and with almost dread for its effect on Ellen
If she did but know her she must speak was Emmelines exclamation I did not feel quite sure that I was my own happy self all the time she was with us
The atmosphere was frozen twenty degrees below zero in all the rooms she frequented though it was otherwise a hot summer rejoined Percy and in Yorkshire—
Pray do not joke dear Percy I can not bear to think of Ellen going away from us at all much less to such a guardian though I know she is very good answered Herbert
Now my good fellow do not attempt to say a word for Nancy Seldon she was the only person in the world I ever heard you acknowledge you disliked so what must she be Worthy no doubt or my father would not have trusted Ellen to her but for any thing else—
Poor Ellen she little knows to what her obstinacy is condemning her rejoined Caroline I wish she did and then she might spare herself and mamma too though I fear even confession would not help her much now
Mrs Hamilton might and did think with them all but she could not swerve from her duty She wrote at once to Miss Seldon not entering into particulars but merely asking if she would consent to take charge of a relative whose conduct demanded more rigid watchfulness and care and an entire cessation of indulgence than could be the case in the family circle at Oakwood She and her husband had such perfect confidence in her she said that if she could oblige them by undertaking the duty they knew without any assurance on her part that she would discharge it faithfully The yearly sum they offered was large because they wished their young relative to have all the comforts and appurtenances of a gentlewoman and the advantages of the best education the city near which she resided could afford Mrs Hamilton had no doubt of the affirmative nature of the reply for Miss Seldon owed the recovery of her fortune and position entirely to the exertions of Mr Hamilton and she had told him once for all that if she could but serve or oblige him in any way great or small it would make her far happier than she had ever been or was likely to be in her solitary life The letter written and dispatched Mrs Hamilton summoned Ellen once more to her presence
The scene was again the library where she had been writing and the time nearing the short twilight of October It was three weeks rather more since Sir Edward Manlys letter had been received and Edward was therefore almost daily expected The feelings with which his unhappy sister looked to his return it would be a vain attempt to define At times the intense longing to see him again caused a wild almost sick feeling of pleasure that she might perhaps so soon do so then came all that had passed and she pictured his anger his loathing—true it had been for him but he had not thought of such a deed He would he must hate and spurn her too and the idea of meeting him became absolute agony Then—and she shuddered in dread—would he think that he must acknowledge it was for him she had thus acted and if so had she not betrayed instead of saving him Incident after incident in their childhood rose before her to give her hope that he would be silent now as then and not betray himself but these contending terrors united with the constant though silent suffering of her banishment from all she loved the utter hopelessness as to the end of this trial had not been without their effect on the outward frame Ellis did not see it from so constantly watching her and from Ellen never refusing to take the exercise she desired her and not making a single complaint as to the pain it was sometimes to walk and always to swallow her meals but as she stood opposite to her aunt in the full light of the oriel window—her approach had been so noiseless Mrs Hamilton who was bending over some papers did not see her till she chanced to look up—the attenuation of form and feature was so very visible that her aunt could not prevent herself from starting painfully and the words with which she had intended to address her froze on her lips It was with the utmost difficulty she refrained from folding her to her heart and trying by every means affection could devise to soothe or remove that anguish whatever its nature far too deep and constant for one so very young but how dared she do this when by this determined silence Ellen so defied her authority and seemed so resolved that neither severity nor kindness nor her own sufferings should humble her spirit though they had even affected her frame
Conquering with a powerful effort the pleadings of affection Mrs Hamilton calmly entered on the subject for which she had summoned her reading to her a greater part of her uncles letter hoping that its severity would spare her the pain of any additional remarks Every word seemed to burn itself on Ellens brain What she had hoped she knew not for she thought she had never hoped at all but the words No cause can be excusing enough to justify the entire setting aside this sentence seemed by its agony to tell her that the thought had entered her mind if the real cause were by any chance discovered would she be forgiven and in time restored to confidence and love And now it was over even that hope was gone
Mrs Hamilton paused for a reply or an observation but none came and she continued impressively—I can scarcely hope Ellen that as even the idea of sparing your only brother shame and misery on his return home expecting nothing but joy after nearly three years separation and exposure to danger has had no effect in softening you that your uncles sentence will Once I should have believed that only the thought of leaving me and going to the care of a stranger would have urged you to speak directly I can believe this no longer but as I wish you to be with Edward at least part of his stay with us I shall postpone your leaving us one month from today If indeed Edwards influence be such that for his sake you will make me a full confession and answer clearly and distinctly every question I put to you your residence with Miss Seldon shall be limited to three six ten or twelve months according to the nature of the motive of this incomprehensible and apparently most sinful conduct If you leave us still obdurate years will in all probability pass before we can feel sufficiently confident in the restored integrity and openness of your character to permit your return to us The pain you are inflicting upon me it is useless to dwell upon As the child of my only and most dearly loved sister I have loved you hoped for you with little less intensity of affection than that I have borne toward my own for I felt that with the sole exception of your brother I was the only being you had on earth united to you by ties of blood How this conduct repays my love and care you must answer to yourself I can only be sensible of bitter disappointment
Again she stopped evidently expecting a reply but Ellen still remained silent The short twilight of autumn had set in so suddenly that Mrs Hamilton was not aware her nieces cheek had become still paler and that her white lips quivered repeatedly as if she several times tried to speak but could not After a silence of some minutes she said—
If you are determined not to speak Ellen you may retire I have told you all I wished to say except that till you leave us though you will still occupy your present rooms and be still under Elliss care you are at liberty to employ yourself and go about the house and grounds as usual
Ellen turned to go still in that unbroken silence she had reached the low step dividing the upper part from the lower part of the room and whether she did not see it or from some other cause the room suddenly reeled before her and she fell heavily forward To spring toward her raise her tenderly bear her to the nearest couch though she so trembled herself at finding Ellen quite insensible as to render the task unusually difficult and to ring hastily for Ellis was the work of a minute but it was many minutes before their united efforts could bring back consciousness
I knew it would break her heart poor lamb was Elliss exclamation in a tone of most unusual excitement thank God thank God Master Edwards coming home and that she is not to go till he does
Have you so much confidence in his influence asked her mistress as unable to resist the impulse she bent down and repeatedly kissed the cold brow and cheek to which she was so earnestly striving to restore warmth God in mercy grant you may be right
Right Dear my lady whenever Ellis was strongly moved she always so addressed her mistress I would stake your confidence in me which is all my lifes worth if Master Edward is not at the bottom of it all and that this poor child is sacrificing herself for some fancied danger to him I saw enough of that work when they were young children and I have noticed enough since she has been under my care
Edward repeated Mrs Hamilton so bewildered as to stop for the moment chafing Ellens cold hand Edward bearing the high character he does what can he have to do with it
I dont know my lady but I am sure he has Young men ay some of the finest and bravest among us get into difficulties sometimes and it dont touch their characters as their officers see them and Master Edward was always so terrified at the mere thought of my master knowing any of his faults but—hush we must not let her know we suspect any thing poor lamb it will make her still more miserable You are better now dear Miss Ellen are you not she added soothingly as Ellen feebly raised her hand to her forehead and then slowly unclosed her eyes and beheld her aunt leaning over her with that same expression of anxious affection which her illness had so often caused in her childhood Sense or rather memory had not quite returned and her first words were with a faint but happy smile—
I am better dear aunt much better I dare say I shall soon be well But it was only a momentary forgetfulness swift as thought came the whole of what had so lately passed—her uncles letter her aunts words and murmuring in a tone how painfully changed I forgot—forgive me she buried her face in the pillow
Ellen my dear Ellen why will you persist in making yourself and me so miserable when a few words would make us happier exclaimed Mrs Hamilton almost imploringly as she bent over her
Do not urge her now dear my lady she is not well enough give her till Master Edward comes I am sure she will not resist him answered Ellis very respectfully though meaningly as her look drew her mistresss attention to the shudder which convulsed Ellens slight frame at the mention of her brother
Pained and bewildered more than ever Mrs Hamilton after waiting till the faintness seemed quite gone and thinking that if the restraint of her presence were removed Ellen might be relieved by tears left her desiring Ellis to let her know in a short time how she was The moment the door closed Ellen threw her arms round Elliss neck exclaiming passionately—
Take me away—take me away dear Ellis I can not bear this room—it seems all full of misery and I loved it so once and I shall love it again when I am miles and miles away and can not see it—nor any one belonging to it Oh Ellis Ellis I knew you were too kind I was too glad and contented to be with you it was not punishment enough for my sin—and I must go away—and I shall never never see my aunt again—I know I shall not Oh if I might but die first but I am too wicked for that it is only the good that die
And almost for the first time since her sin had been discovered she gave way to a long and violent fit of weeping which though terrible while it lasted as the anguish of the young always is greatly relieved her and enabled her after that day not to revert in words the thought never left her till a still more fearful anxiety deadened it to her uncles sentence again
Mrs Hamilton sat for a very long time alone after she had left Ellen Elliss words returned to her again and again so pertinaciously that she could not break from them Edward the cause of it all—could it be possible—could it be that he had plunged himself into difficulties and afraid to appeal to his uncle or her had so worked on Ellen as not only to make her send relief but actually so to keep his secret as to endure every thing rather than betray it Circumstance after circumstance thought after thought so congregated upon her so seemed to burst into being and flash light one from the other that her mind ached beneath their pressure Ellens unhappiness the day his last letter had been received her sudden illness—had it taken place before or after Robert had lost the money She could not satisfy herself for her husbands sudden summons to Feroe hasty preparations and departure had rendered all the month confused and unsatisfactory in its recollections So intense was the relief of the idea that Mrs Hamilton feared to encourage it lest it should prove a mere fancy and urge softer feelings toward her niece than ought to be Even the supposition made her heart yearn toward her with such a feeling of love almost of veneration for the determined selfdevotion so essentially womans characteristic that she resolutely checked its ascendency All her previous fancies that Ellen was no ordinary child that early suffering and neglect had while they produced some childish faults matured and deepened the capabilities of endurance and control from the consciousness or rather existence for it was not the consciousness to the child herself of strong feeling returned to her as if determined to confirm Elliss supposition The disappearance of her allowance her assertion that she was seeking Mrs Langfords cottage by that shorter but forbidden path to try and get her to dispose of her trinkets when the wind blew the notes to her hand—all now seemed connected one with the other and confirmed She could well understand how in a moment of almost madness they might have been used without thought and the aftereffect upon so delicate a mind and conscience Then in contradiction to all this a mere hypothesis raised on nothing firmer than Elliss supposition came the constantly favorable accounts of Edward his captains pride and confidence in him the seeming impossibility that he could get into such difficulties and what were they The name of Harding rushed on her mind she knew not why or how—but it made her tremble by its probable explanation of the whole A coarse or even less refined mind would have either appealed at once to Ellen as to the truth of this suspicion or thought herself justified in looking over all Edwards letters to his sister as thus to discover the truth but in Mrs Hamiltons pure mind the idea never even entered though all her nieces papers and letters were in her actual possession She could only feel to her hearts core with Ellis Thank God Master Edwards coming home and pray earnestly that he might be with them as they hoped and anticipated in a few a very few days
CHAPTER VII
THE LIGHT GLIMMERS
The earnest wishes and prayers of Mrs Hamilton and her faithful Ellis were disappointed The latter part of the month of September had been exceedingly stormy and though there was a lull from about the 3d to the 9th of October the equinoctial gales then set in with the utmost fury continuing day after day night after night till the ear seemed almost to tire of the sound and the mind anxious for friends at sea despair of their cessation During the few calm days the young party at Oakwood had scarcely been absent from the windows or from that part of the park leading to the Plymouth road above an hour at a time Percy and Herbert rode over to Plymouth but were told the frigate could not be in for a full week The late storms must have detained her though she was a fastsailing craft It was a great disappointment to them for on the 10th of October college term began and they were compelled to return to Oxford The cause of their mothers intense desire for Edwards return indeed they did not know but they were most impatient to see him and they hoped they did not exactly know what with regard to his influence with Ellen However the day of their departure came and still he had not arrived and the storms had recommenced Percy had gone to say goodby to Ellis with whom Ellen chanced at that moment to be Full of spirits and jokes he determinately looked away from his cousin took both Elliss hands and shook them with his usual heartiness
Goodby dear Ellis I wonder if I shall ever feel myself a man when talking to you How many tricks I have played you in this room and you were always so goodnatured even when one of my seatcrackers set your best gown on fire and quite spoiled it do you remember it I do think you were nearly angry then and quite enough to make you and papa made me save up my money to buy you a new dress I did not play such a practical joke in a hurry again
Ellis laughed and perfectly remembered it and with another hearty goodby he turned away
You have forgotten your cousin Mr Percy she said disregarding Ellens imploring look
When she remembers her duty to my mother I will remember that she is my cousin was his hasty answer and he hurried from the room as Herbert entered His goodby to Ellis was quite as warm as Percys and then turning to Ellen he put his arm round her kissed her cheek and said with impressive earnestness—
God bless you dear Ellen I hope you will be happier when we meet again and that it will not be so long before we do as we fancy now and affected almost to tears at the grateful humble look she raised to his he left her
Overcome as much by the harshness of the generous warmhearted Percy whom she so dearly loved as by the gentle kindness of Herbert Ellen remained for several minutes with her arms on the table her face hid upon them She thought she was quite alone for Ellis had gone about some of her business when she was startled by Percys voice
I am a brute Ellen nothing less forgive me and say goodby I cant understand it at all but angry as I am with you your pale face haunts me like a specter so we must part friends and as she looked hastily up he kissed her warmly twice and ran away without another word
Days passed heavily the gales seeming to increase in violence and causing Mrs Hamilton more terrible anxiety and vague dread than she allowed to be visible The damage among the shipping was fearful and the very supposed vicinity of the frigate to the Channel increased the danger The papers every morning presented long lists of ships wrecked or fatally dismantled loss of crews or part of them mails and cargoes due but missing and the vivid recollection of the supposed fate of her own brother the wretchedness of the suspense before the fate of his vessel was ascertained returned to heighten the fears that would gain ascendency for her nephew and for the effect of this terrible suspense on Ellen more especially—if indeed she had endured all these weeks nay months of misery for him
At first Ellen seemed unconscious that there was any thing remarkable in the delay the thought of her own departure being uppermost but when the thought did press upon her how it came she knew not—that of the given month the weeks were passing and Edward had not arrived and that there must be some reason for the long delay—storm shipwreck death all flashed upon her at once and almost maddened her The quiet calm of endurance gave way She could not sleep at night from the tremendous winds not even when Ellis had a bed put up in her room and remained with her all night herself she never complained indeed but hour after hour she would pace her room and the passage leading to Elliss till compelled to cease from exhaustion she would try steadily to employ herself with some difficult study and succeed perhaps for half an hour but then remain powerless or recommence her restless walk Mrs Hamilton made several attempts without any apparent interference on her part to get her to sit occasionally with her and Miss Harcourt and her cousins but she seemed to shrink from them all Emmeline indeed when once aware of the terrible trial she was enduring would sit with her drawing or working as if nothing had occurred to estrange them and try to cheer her by talking on many topics of interest Caroline would speak to her kindly whenever she saw her Miss Harcourt alone retained her indignation for no suspicion of the real cause of her silence ever entered her mind
Poor Ellen felt that she dared not indulge in the comfort this change in her aunts and cousins manner produced She wanted to wean herself quite from them that the pang of separation might be less severe but she only seemed to succeed in loving them more One thought indeed at length took such entire possession of her mind as to deaden every other—it was the horrible idea that as she had sinned to save Edward perhaps from merited disgrace he would be taken from her she never breathed it but it haunted her night and day Mr Maitland saw her continually but he plainly told Mrs Hamilton while the cause of anxiety and mental suffering lasted he could do her no good It was a constant alternation of fearful excitement and complete depression exhausting the whole system Repose and kindness—alas the latter might be given but the former in the present position of affairs how could it be insured
The month of grace was waning only two days remained and Edward had not arrived and how could Mrs Hamilton obey her husband—whose every letter reiterated his hope that she had not been prevailed on to alter his sentence if Ellen still remained silent—and send her niece from her She came at length to the determination that if another week passed and still there were no tidings not to let this fearful selfsacrifice if it really were such last any longer but gently cautiously tenderly as she could prevail on Ellen to confide all to her and promise if Edward really had been erring and in difficulties all should be forgiven for her sake and even his uncles anger averted Once her determination taken she felt better enabled to endure an anxiety which was injuring her almost as much as Ellen and she turned to Elliss room which she had lately very often frequented for she scarcely felt comfortable when Ellen was out of her sight though she had full confidence in Elliss care
Ellen was asleep on a sofa looking so wan so haggard—so altered from the Ellen of five short months back that Mrs Hamilton sat down by her side pondering whether she was doing right to wait even another week before she should try to bring relief by avowing her suspicions—but would it bring relief and after all was it for Edward or had she been allowing affection and imagination to mislead and soften when sternness might still be needed
Ellen woke with a start as from some fearful dream and gazed at Mrs Hamilton for a full minute as if she did not know her
My dear Ellen what is it You have been sleeping uncomfortably—surely you know me
I thought I was at—at—Seldon Grange—are you sure I am not Dear aunt Emmeline do tell me I am at Oakwood I know I am to go and very soon but I am not there now am I and she put one hand to her forehead and gazed hurriedly and fearfully round her while with the other she held tightly Mrs Hamiltons dress There was something alarming both in her look and tone
No love you are with me still at Oakwood and you will not go from me till you have been with Edward some little time You can not think I would send you away now Ellen
The soothing tone her brothers name seemed to disperse the cloud and bursting into tears she exclaimed—
He will never come—I know he will never come—my sin has killed him
Your sin Ellen what can that have to do with Edward
Because the words it was for him were actually on her lips but they were checked and in increasing excitement she continued—Nothing nothing indeed with him—what could it have But if he knows it—oh it will so grieve him perhaps it would be better I should go before he comes—and then then he need not know it if indeed he ever comes
I do not think you quite know what you are saying my dear Ellen your uncomfortable dream has unsettled you Try and keep quiet for an hour and you will be better Remember suffering as this dreadful suspense is your brother is still in a Fathers gracious keeping and that He will listen to your prayers for his safety and if it be His good pleasure still restore him to you
My prayers answered Ellen fearfully Mr Howard said there was a barrier between Him and me while I would not confess I had refused His mercy
Can you confess before God Ellen Can you lay your whole heart open before Him and ask Him in his infinite mercy and for your Saviours sake to forgive you
I could and did do so answered Ellen returning Mrs Hamiltons earnestly inquiring look by raising her large expressive eyes steadily and fearlessly to her face but Mr Howard told me it was a mockery and sin to suppose God would hear me or forgive me while I refused to obey Him by being silent and obdurate to you That if I wished His forgiveness I must prove it by telling the whole to you whom His commandments desired me to obey and—and—as I dared not do that I have been afraid to pray And the shudder with which she laid her head again upon the pillow betrayed the misery of the fear
And is it impossible quite impossible that you can confide the source of your grief and difficulty to me Ellen Will you not do so even if I promise forgiveness not merely to you but to all who may have erred Answer me my sweet child your silence is fearfully injuring your mind and body Why do you fancy you dare not tell me
Because because I have promised answered Ellen in a fearful tone of returning excitement and sitting upright she clasped her hands convulsively together while her cheek burned with painful brilliancy Aunt Emmeline—oh do not pray do not speak to me in that kind tone be harsh and cold again I can bear it better If you did but know how my heart and brain ache—how they long to tell you and so rest—but I can not—I dare not—I have promised
And you may not tell me whom you have promised replied Mrs Hamilton every former thought rendered apparently null and vain by these words and painfully disappointing her but the answer terrified her
Mamma—I promised her and she stands by me so pale so grieved whenever I think of telling you answered Ellen clinging to Mrs Hamilton but looking with a strained gaze of terror on vacancy I thought I must have told you when you said I was to go—to go to Seldon Grange—but she stood by me and laid her hand on my head and it was so cold so heavy I dont remember any thing more till I found you and Ellis leaning over me but I ought not to tell you even this I know I ought not—for look—look aunt Emmeline—dont you see mamma—there—quite close to me oh tell her to forgive me—I will keep my promise and shuddering convulsively she hid her face in her aunts dress
Mrs Hamilton was dreadfully alarmed Whatever the foundation and she had no doubt that there was some and that it really had to do with Edward and his poor mothers mistaken partiality Ellens imagination was evidently disordered To attempt obtaining the truth while she was in this fearful state of excitement was as impossible as cruel and she tried only to soothe her to composure speaking of her mother as happy and in Heaven and that Ellen had thought of her so much as was quite natural in her sorrow that she fancied she saw her
It is not reality love if she could see and speak to you I am sure it would be to tell you to confide all your sorrow to me if it would make you happier
Oh no no—I should be very wicked if it made me happier I ought not even to wish to tell you But Mr Myrvin told me even when mamma went to Heaven she would still see me and know if I kept my promise and tried to win her love by doing what I know she wished even after she was dead and it was almost a pleasure to do so till now even if it gave me pain and made me unhappy but now now aunt Emmeline I know you must hate me you never never can love me again—and that—that is so hard to bear
Have you forgotten my dear Ellen the blessed assurance there is more joy in Heaven over one sinner that repenteth than over ninetyandnine who have not sinned and if our Father in Heaven can so feel so act are His creatures to do less Do you think because you have given me pain and trouble and disappointment and compelled me to use such extreme severity and cause you so much suffering that it will be quite impossible for me to love you again if I see you do all you can to win back that love
Ellen made no answer but the alarming excitement had so far subsided as to raise the hope that quietness would subdue it altogether Mrs Hamilton remained with her till she seemed quite calm and would not have left her then but he had promised Caroline to drive with her into T—— that afternoon to make some purchases Emmeline and Miss Harcourt were spending the day at Greville Manor and her daughter depending on her she did not like to disappoint her But the difficulty to think of other things and cheerfully converse on comparatively indifferent topics was greater than she had ever found it That Elliss surmise was correct she had no longer the smallest doubt Ellen was sacrificing herself not merely for the love she bore her brother but from some real or imaginary promise to her poor mother What its exact nature was she could not indeed satisfy herself but that it had something to do with concealing Edwards faults seemed to flash upon her she hardly knew how Elliss words that she had seen enough of that work when they were children returned to her and various incongruities in Ellens character and conduct which she had been unable to reconcile at the time all seemed connected with it But to arrive at the truth was much more difficult than ever still how could she send Ellen away and yet if still silent would mere surmise satisfy her husband There was but one hope one ray of light—Edwards own honor if indeed he were permitted to return and even while driving and talking with Caroline her heart was one fervent prayer that this might be and the fearful struggle of her devoted Ellen cease
Her aunts gentle and unexpected kindness had had such a beneficial effect on Ellen that after her early dinner about three oclock she told Ellis she would go in the schoolroom and try and read there for an hour she knew all the family were out and therefore would be quite undisturbed Ellis willingly acquiesced rejoicing that she should seek any change herself and advised her as it was such a mild soft afternoon after the late storms to take a turn on the terrace on which a glassdoor from the schoolroom opened it would do her good Ellen meant to take her advice but as she looked out from a window over a wellremembered landscape so many painful thoughts and recollections crowded on her that she lost all inclination to move She had not stood there for many weeks and it seemed to her that the view had never looked so very lovely The trees all had the last glories of autumn—for it was early in November—the grass was of that beautiful humid emerald which always follows heavy rain and though the summerflowers had all gone the sheltered beds of the garden lying beneath the terrace presented many very beautiful still The end of the terrace a flight of stone steps overlooked the avenue leading from the principal lodge to the main entrance and where Ellen stood she could distinguish a few yards of the path where it issued from some distant trees She gazed at first conscious only that she was banished from it all and that however long her departure might be deferred she must go at last for her uncles mandate could not be disobeyed but gradually her eye became fixed as in fascination A single figure was emerging from the trees and dressed in the uniform of a midshipman—she was sure it was but it was a figure so tall so slim his step so lingering it could not be Edward most likely some one of his messmates come to tell his fate He was taller even than Percy but so much slighter so different to the boy from whom she had parted that though her heart bounded and sunk till faintness seemed to overpower her she could not convince herself it was he With an almost unconscious effort she ran out through the glassdoor to the steps of the terrace she could now see him distinctly but not his face for his cap was low over his forehead but as he approached he paused as if doubting whether to go up to the hall door or the wellknown terrace by which he had always rushed into the schoolroom on his daily return from Mr Howards and as he looked hastily up his cap fell back and his eyes met Ellens A wild but checked scream broke from her lips and all was an impenetrable mist till she found herself in her brothers arms in the room she had quitted his lips repeatedly pressing her cheek and forehead and his voice which sounded so strange—it did not seem like Edwards it was so much more deep and manly—entreating her to speak to him and tell him why she looked so ill but still her heart so throbbed she could not speak She could only cling close to him and look intently in his face which was so altered from the happy laughing boy that had he not been from his extreme paleness and attenuation of feature still more like their mother when she was ill his sister would scarcely have known him
Dearest Ellen do speak to me what has been the matter that you look so pale and sad Are you not glad to see me
Glad oh Edward you can not know how glad I thought you would never never come the storms have been so terrible I have been ill and your sudden appearance startled me for I had thought of such dreadful things and that was the reason I could not speak at first but I am sure you are as pale as I am dear dear Edward you have been wounded—have you not recovered them yet
My wounds Ellen oh they were slight enough I wished and tried for them to be severer to have done for me at once but they would not they only bought me praise praise which maddened me
Sir Edward murmured Ellen in a low fearful voice how did he part with you
As he has always treated me a kind too kind father oh Ellen Ellen if he did but know the deceiving villain that I am
Would he indeed not forgive Edward if he so loves you not if he knew all the temptation the—
Temptation Ellen what excuse ought there to be in temptation Why was I such a fool such a madman to allow myself to be lured into error again and again by that villain after I had discovered his double face and I had been warned against him too Why did I so madly disregard Mr Howards and my uncles warning letters trusting my selfwill and folly instead of their experience Brave I am the veriest coward that ever trod the deck because I could not bear a sneer
And he are you still within his power inquired Ellen shrinking in terror from the expression of her brothers face
No Ellen no God forgive me—I have tried not to rejoice the death was so terrible so nearly my own that I stood appalled and for the first time these two years knelt down to my God for pardon mercy to repent The lightning struck him where he stood struck him beside me leaving the withering smile of derisive mockery with which he had that moment been regarding me still on his lips Why and where had he gone he who denied God and his holy Word turned the solemn service into mockery and made me like himself—and why was I spared Oh Ellen I have no words to describe the sensation of that moment He stopped and shuddered then continued hurriedly Changed as I am in appearance it is nothing to the change within I did not know its extent till now that I am here again and all my happy boyhood comes before me aunt Emmelines gentle lessons of piety and goodness—oh Ellen Ellen what have been their fruits For two years I have given myself up to passion unrestrained by one word one thought of prayer I dared sinful madman as I was to make a compact with my own conscience and vow that if I received the relief I expected from you and was free from Harding I would reform would pray for the strength to resist temptation which I had not in myself and when when the man that was dispatched by Sir Edward from the shore with the letters for the crew sunk beneath the waves bearing every dispatch along with him I cursed him and the Fate which had ordained his death Ellen Ellen why was I saved and Harding killed
And you never received my letter Edward Never knew if I had tried to relieve you from Hardings power answered Ellen becoming so deadly pale that Edward forced himself to regain composure the nature of his information causing such a revulsion of feeling in his sister as to deaden her to the horror of his words For what had all this suffering been
I was sure you had Ellen for you always did and I could trust you as I could myself A sudden squall had upset the boat and the man was so encumbered by a large greatcoat every pocket filled with letters and papers that he sunk at once though every help was offered I threw myself into the sea to save him and Lieutenant Morley praised my courage and benevolence—little did he know my motive Besides Sir Edward told me there was an inclosure for me in my uncles to him and regretted he had not kept it to give it me himself—would to Heaven he had Till Hardings death I was in his power and he had so used it that I had vowed on our arrival in England to abscond hide myself forever go I cared not where nor in what character But he is dead and I am free my tale need be told to none and if I can I will break from this fatal spell and redeem the past but it seems as if fiends urged me still to the path of evil Would that I had but courage to tell all to Mr Howard I should be safer then but I can not—can not—the risk is too great Carriage wheels he added starting up—my aunt and Caroline oh how I rejoiced when they told me at the lodge that my uncle was not here And in his extreme agitation at the thought of meeting his aunt he forgot his sister or he might have been startled at the effect of his words
CHAPTER VIII
THE STRUGGLE
Mrs Hamilton had been told at the lodge of her nephews arrival and so powerful was her emotion that she leaned back in the carriage as it drove rapidly from the lodge to the Hall without the power of uttering a word Caroline was surprised for his return seemed to her only a cause of rejoicing she had no idea of the mingled dread and joy the trembling lest Edward had indeed deceived them all and if he had not the redoubled mystery of Ellens conduct While he was absent she could think calmly on him as the cause of all but now that he was returned her heart seemed to turn sick with apprehension and she had hardly strength to inquire where he was and great was her surprise when she found his arrival was still unknown Carolines joyful exclamation as she ran into the schoolroom to put away some of her purchases drew her there at once and for the first five minutes the intense thankfulness that he was indeed safe and comparatively well—that whatever might be the secret change his affection for her to judge by the warmth and agitation of his embrace was unchanged and she had that to work on alone occupied her mind and enabled her to regain her calmness
You do indeed look as if you wanted English air and home nursing my dear boy she said after some little time had elapsed and Edward had seated himself by her his hand still clasped in hers Sir Edward was quite right to invalid you Emmeline does nothing but talk of your wounds as making you a complete hero I am unromantic enough to wish that you had brought me home more color and more flesh and less glory but I suppose from being so pale you are more like your poor mother than ever and she looked at him so earnestly that Edwards eyes spite of all his efforts sunk beneath hers He answered gayly however and in reply to Carolines numerous queries entered into an animated description of their voyage home and the causes of their detention in their being so often compelled to put into port from the fearful storms they had encountered and time slipped away so fast that the dinnerbell rung before any one was prepared
That Ellen should look paler than even when she had left her in the morning and be still more silent did not astonish Mrs Hamilton the agitation of meeting her brother was quite enough to occasion it and she advised her to remain quiet while they were at dinner that she might rejoin them afterward She looked as if she had been so very lately ill that Edward was not surprised at her having dined already but many little things that occured during the evening—her excessive quietness the evident restraint between her and Caroline and he at first fancied and then was quite certain between her and his aunt startled and perplexed him She seemed restrained and shy too with him as if in constant terror Poor child her aunt had advised quietness while alone and her brothers words rung in her ears till repose seemed farther off than ever After all she had suffered before and after the sending that fatal letter it had never reached him she had utterly failed in her attempt to save him If she had indeed confided at first in Mrs Hamilton measures would have been taken she was sure to have secured him the necessary relief for whenever her uncle had sent him his allowance it was through Sir Edward not encountering the risk of the loss of the letter There had been times when in the midst of her sufferings Ellen could realize a sort of comfort in the idea that she had saved Edward and kept his secret but where was this comfort now All she had endured all she was still to endure was for nothing worse than nothing for if Edward knew her sin feeling that it had brought him no good and given up as she felt he must be to unrestrained passion or he could not have given vent to such fearful sentiments she actually trembled for its effect upon him and his anger on herself She had sometimes fancied that perhaps his errors were not so great as he believed them that he would confess them when he found only his kind indulgent aunt at home and so peace and hope gradually dawn for both him and her All her wish her hope now was that Mrs Hamilton could be prevailed upon not to tell him what she had done for whether it made him think he ought to confess himself its cause or not its effect on him would be so terrible that she felt any additional suffering to herself could be better borne
With these thoughts no wonder she was silent utterly unable to subdue them as she wished and evince natural interest in all that had occurred to Edward and tell him all that had happened to herself during their long separation Caroline however was so animated and when Emmeline and Miss Harcourt returned unable to comprehend what they could possibly be sent for a full hour earlier than usual the astonishment and delight at seeing Edward prevented any thing like a pause in conversation or unnatural restraint His cousins found so much to tell as well as to listen to about Percy and Herbert as well as themselves and Emmeline made Edward tell her such minute particulars of their engagements with the pirates and how he was wounded and what Sir Edward said to him that Mrs Hamilton anxious as she was—for the longer she was with her nephew the more convinced she was that he could not meet her eye and that his gayety was not natural—could not help being amused in spite of herself
Engrossed with thought how to arrive at the truth for which she ardently longed she entered the library when the prayerbell rung with her children quite forgetting till she had taken the place at the readingdesk which in the absence of her husband and sons she always occupied herself that she had intended to desire Ellen to resume her usual place by Emmeline wishing to spare her any additional suffering the first night of Edwards return and to prevent any painful feeling on his part It was an oversight but it vexed her exceedingly She looked hastily round in the hope of being in time but Ellen was already in her place though she had evidently shrunk still more into the recess of the lower window as if longing for its massive curtains to hide her and her face was buried in her hands Mrs Hamilton would have been still more grieved if she had seen as Ellis did the beseeching humble look which as they entered Ellen had fixed upon her and that her pale lips had quivered with the halfuttered supplication which she failed in courage to fully pronounce Edward appeared too wrapped in his own thoughts to notice it then and as his aunts gentle but impressive voice fell on his fear the words the room the whole scene so recalled the happy and comparatively innocent past that it was with difficulty he could restrain his feelings till the attitude of kneeling permitted them full vent in tears actual tears when he had thought he could never weep again The contrast of his past and present self rendered the one more brightly happy the other more intensely dark than the actual reality The unchecked faults and passions of his early childhood had been the sole cause of his present errors but while under the gentle control of his aunt and uncle and Mr Howard he had not known these faults and therefore believed they had all come since He longed intensely to confide all his errors all his remorse to Mr Howard whom he still so dearly loved but he knew he had not courage to confess and yet hated himself for his cowardice
Only too well accustomed to control he banished every trace of tears from all save the eye rendered even more than usually penetrating from anxiety as he arose and became aware for the first time that Ellen was not where he was accustomed to see her He kissed her fondly as she hurriedly approached him but perceiving she left the room with merely a faint goodnight to the rest of the family and no embrace as usual from Mrs Hamilton he darted forward seized his aunts hand and exclaimed—
What is the matter with Ellen aunt Emmeline Why is she so changed and why is your manner to her so cold and distant and why did she kneel apart as if unworthy to join us even in prayers Tell me for pitys sake
Not tonight my dear Edward It is a long tale and a painful one and I rely on you to help me that Ellen and myself may be again as we have been It is as much pain to me as to her that we are not Tomorrow I promise you you shall know all You have had excitement enough for today and after your exhausting voyage must need rest Do not fancy this an evasion of your request I have longed for your return to influence Ellen almost as much as for the happiness of seeing you again
Edward was compelled to be satisfied and retire but though he did feel sufficient physical exhaustion for the comfort of his room to be unusually luxurious his sleep was restless and disturbed by frightful dreams in which however varied the position it always seemed that he was in danger and Ellen sacrificing herself to save him
On retiring for the night Mrs Hamilton discovered a note on her dressingtable She thought she knew the writing but from tremulousness it was so nearly illegible that it was with great difficulty she deciphered the following words
I am so conscious I ought not to address you know so well that I have no right to ask any favor from you when I have given you so much trouble and pain that I could not have asked it if you had not been so very very kind this morning Oh aunt Emmeline if indeed you can feel any pity for me do not pray do not tell Edward the real reason of my banishment from Oakwood tell him I have been very wicked—have refused to evince any real repentance—but do not tell him what I have done He is ill unhappy at having to resign his profession even for a few months Oh spare him the misery of knowing my sin I know I deserve nothing but severity from you—I have no right to ask this—but oh if you have ever loved me do not refuse it If you would but grant it would but say before I go that in time you will forgive me it would be such comfort to the miserable—Ellen
Mrs Hamiltons eyes filled with tears the word your had evidently been written originally but partially erased and the substituted in its stead and she could not read the utter desolation of one so young which that simple incident betrayed without increase of pain yet to grant her request was impossible It puzzled her—for why should she so persist in the wish expressed from the beginning that Edward should not know it unless indeed—and her heart bounded with the hope—that she feared it would urge him to confess himself the cause and her sacrifice be useless She locked up the note which she would not read again fearing its deep humility its earnest supplication would turn her from her purpose and in praying fervently for guidance and fitful sleep her night passed
For some time after breakfast the following morning Edward and his aunt were alone together in the library It was with the utmost difficulty he suppressed sufficiently to conceal the fearful agitation which thrilled through every nerve as he listened to the tale he had demanded He could not doubt the use to which that money had been applied His sisters silence alone would have confirmed it but in that hour of madness—for what else is passion unrestrained by principle or feeling—he was only conscious of anger fierce anger against the unhappy girl who had borne so much for him He had utterly forgotten the desperate words he had written He had never received the intended relief Till within a week a short week of his return he had been in Hardings power and as Ellens devotion had saved him nothing what could it weigh against the maddening conviction that if he had one spark of honor remaining he must confess that he had caused her sin Instead of saving she had betrayed him and he left his aunt to seek Ellen so evidently disturbed and heated and the interview itself had been so little satisfactory in softening him as she had hoped to win him to confession at once for she had purposely spoken as indulgently of error and difficulty as she could without betraying her strengthened suspicions that if she had known how to do so she would have forbidden his seeing Ellen till he was more calm
Unhappily too it was that part of the day when Ellis was always most engaged and she was not even in her own room so that there was no check on Edwards violence The control he had exercised while with his aunt but increased passion when it was removed He poured forth the bitterest reproaches—asked how she could dare hope relief so obtained would ever have been allowed to reach him—what had she done but betrayed him for how could he be such a dishonored coward as to let her leave Oakwood because she would not speak and why had she not spoken—why not betrayed him at once and not decoyed him home to disgrace and misery Passion had so maddened him that he neither knew what he said himself nor heard her imploring entreaties not to betray himself and she never would She clung to his knees as she kneeled before him for she was too powerless to stand reiterating her supplication in a tone that ought to have recalled him to his better self but that better self had been too long silenced and infuriated at her convulsive efforts to detain him he struck her with sufficient force to make her more by the agony of a blow from him than the pain itself loose her hold at once and darted from the room
The hall door was open and he rushed through it unseen into the park flying he neither knew where nor cared but plunging into the wildest parts How he arrived at one particular spot he knew not for it was one which of all others in that moment of excitement he would gladly have avoided It was a small glade in the midst of the wood shelving down to the waters edge where he and Percy with the assistance of Robert had been permitted to erect a miniature boathouse and where Edward had kept a complete flotilla of tiny vessels There were the trees the glade the boathouse still aye and the vessels in such beautiful repair and keeping that it brought back the past so vividly so overpoweringly from the voiceless proof which it was of the affectionate remembrance with which he and his favorite tastes had been regarded even in his absence that he could not bear it He flung himself full length on the greensward and as thought after thought came back upon him bringing Ellen before him selfsacrificing devoted always interposing between him and anger as she had done from the first hour they had been inmates of Oakwood the thought of that craven blow those mad reproaches was insupportable and he sobbed for nearly an hour in that one spot longing that some chance would but bring Mr Howard to him that he might relieve that fearful remorse at once but utterly unable to seek him of himself
Edwards disposition like his mothers was naturally much too good for the determined pursuit of evil His errors had actually been much less grave than from Hardings artful representations he imagined them He never indulged in passion without its being followed by the most agonized remorse but from having pertinaciously banished the religion which his aunt had so tried to instill and been taught by Harding to scoff at the only safe guide for youth as for every age Gods holy word he had nothing whereon to lean either as a comfort in his remorse a hope for amendment or strength for selfconquest and terrible indeed might have been the consequences of Hardings fatal influence if the influence of a home of love had not been still stronger
Two hours after he had quitted his aunt he rejoined the family tranquil but bearing such evident traces of a mental struggle at least so Mrs Hamilton fancied for no one else noticed it that she still hoped she did not exactly know what for she failed in courage to ask the issue of his interview with Ellen She contented herself with desiring Emmeline to tell her cousin to bring her work or drawing and join them and she was so surprised when Emmeline brought back word that Ellen had said she had much rather not that she sought her herself
Ellens cheeks in general so pale were crimson her eyes in consequence unnaturally brilliant and she looked altogether so unlike herself that her aunt was more anxious than ever nor did her manner when asked why she refused to join them when Edward had so lately returned tend to decrease the feeling
Emmeline did not say you desired it or I should have known better than disobey was her reply and it was scarcely disrespectful the tone seemed that of a spirit crushed and goaded to the utmost and so utterly unable to contend more though every nerve was quivering with pain Mrs Hamilton felt bitter pain that Ellen at length did indeed shrink from her that the disregard of her entreaty concerning her brother appeared so to have wounded that it had shaken the affection which no other suffering had had power to move
I do not desire it Ellen though I wish it she replied mildly you are of course at liberty to act as you please though I should have thought it most natural that not having been with Edward so long you should wish to be with him as much as possible now he is at home
He will not wish it he hates me spurns me as I knew he would if he knew my sin Today I was to have gone to Seldon Grange let me go at once then neither he nor you nor any one need be tormented with me any more and you will all be happy again let me go aunt Emmeline what should I stay for
If you wish it Ellen you shall go next week I did not imagine that under any circumstances you could have expressed a desire to leave me or suppose that it would make me particularly happy to send you away
Why should it not you must hate me too or—or you would not have refused the only—only favor I asked you before I went answered poor Ellen and the voice which had been unnaturally clear was choked for the moment with sobs which she resolutely forced back Mrs Hamilton could scarcely bear it taking her icecold hands in both hers she said almost tenderly—
You have reason to condemn me as harsh and cruel Ellen but time will perhaps explain the motives of my conduct as I trust and pray it will solve the mystery of yours you are not well enough to be left long alone and Ellis is so much engaged today that I do wish you to be with me independent of your brothers society If you so much prefer remaining here I will stay with you though of course as Edward has been away from us so long I should wish to be with him also
It was almost the first time Mrs Hamilton had ever had recourse in the management of her family to any thing that was not perfectly straightforward and though her present motives would have hallowed much deeper stratagems her pure mind shrunk from her own words She wished Ellen to be constantly in Edwards presence that he might not be able to evade the impulse of feeling and honor which the sight of such suffering she thought must call forth she could not bear to enforce this wish as a command when she had already been as she felt—if Ellens silence were indeed selfdevotion not guilt—so cruelly and so unnecessarily severe Ellen made neither reply nor resistance but taking up her work accompanied her aunt to the usual morningroom from which many a burst of happy laughter and joyous tones were echoing Caroline and Emmeline were so full of enjoyment at Edwards return had so many things to ask and tell were so perfectly unsuspicious as to his having any concern with his sisters fault that if they did once or twice think him less lively and joyous than when he left home they attributed it simply to his not having yet recovered the exhausting voyage and his wounds Miss Harcourt just as unsuspicious secretly accused Ellen as the cause of his occasional abstraction her conduct was not likely to pass unfelt by one so upright so honorable and if he had been harsh with her as from Ellens fearfully shrinking manner and complete silence when they were together she fancied she thought it was so deserved that she had no pity for her whatever
The day passed briskly and happily enough in seeming to Mrs Hamilton and Edward in reality to all the other members of the party—but one The great subject of regret was Mr Howards absence he might be back at the rectory that evening and Emmeline was sure he would come to see Edward directly As the hours waned Ellen became sensible of a sharp and most unusual pain darting through her temples and gradually extending over her forehead and head till she could scarcely move her eyes It had come at first so suddenly and lasting so short a time that she could scarcely define what it was or why she should have felt so suddenly sick and faint but it increased till there was no difficulty in tracing it and before prayertime had become such fearful agony that if she had not been inured to pain of all kinds and endowed with extraordinary fortitude and control she must more than once have betrayed it by either giving way to faintness or screaming aloud She had overheard Mrs Hamilton desire Robert to request Mr Maitland to come to Oakwood as soon as he could and not hearing the reply that he was not expected home till late at night expected him every moment and thought he would give her something to relieve it without her complaining
Edward had asked his cousins for some music and then to please Emmeline had sketched the order of their engagement with the pirates and no one noticed her for Mrs Hamiltons heart was sinking with disappointed hope as the hours passed and there was no sign to prove that her surmise was correct and if it were that the truth would be obtained
The prayerbell rang and as they rose Edwards eyes for the first time since she had joined them sought and fixed themselves on his sisters face The paroxysm of pain had for a few minutes subsided as it had done alternately with violence all day but it had left her so ghastly pale that he started in actual terror It might have been fancy but he thought there was the trace of his cowardly blow on her pale forehead raised and black and such a feeling of agony and remorse rushed over him that it was with difficulty he restrained himself from catching her in his arms and beseeching her forgiveness before them all but there was no time then and they proceeded to the library Every step Ellen took appeared to bring back that fearful pain till as she sat down and then knelt in her place she was sensible of nothing else
The service was over and as Mrs Hamilton rose from the private prayer with which each individual concluded his devotions her nephew stood before her white as marble but with an expression of fixed resolution which made her heart bound up with hope at the very moment it turned sick and faint with terror
Several of the lower domestics had quitted the library before Edward regained voice and his first word or rather action was to desire those that remained to stay
My sister has been disgraced exposed before you all he exclaimed in a tone of misery and determination that so startled Miss Harcourt and his cousins they gazed at him bewildered and before you all must be her exculpation It was less for her sin than her silence and for the increased guilt which that appeared to conceal you tell me she has been so severely treated Aunt Emmeline I am the cause of her silence—I was the tempter to her sin—I have deceived my commander deceived my officers deceived you all—and instead of being what you believe me am a gambler and a villain She has saved me again and again from discovery and disgrace and but for her sin and its consequences would have saved me now But what has sin ever done but to betray and render wretched Take Ellen back to your love and care aunt Emmeline and tell my uncle tell Sir Edward the wretch I am
For a full minute after these unexpected startling words there was silence for none could speak not even Emmeline whose first thought was only joy that Ellens silence was not so guilty as it seemed Edward had crossed his arms on the readingdesk and buried his face upon them The instantaneous change of sentiment which his confession excited toward Ellen in those most prejudiced can scarcely be described but Mrs Hamilton now that the words she had longed for prayed for had been spoken had scarcely strength to move Address Edward she could not though she felt far more pity toward him than anger she looked toward Ellen who still remained kneeling though Ellis stood close by her evidently trying to rouse her and with a step far more hurried more agitated than her children or household had ever seen she traversed the long room and stood beside her niece
Ellen she said as she tried to remove the hands which clasped the burning forehead as if their rooted pressure could alone still that agonizing pain my own darling devoted Ellen look up and forgive me all the misery I have caused you Speak to me my child there is nothing to conceal now all shall be forgiven—Edwards errors difficulties all for your sake and he will not I know he will not cause you wretchedness again look up my poor child speak to me tell me you forgive me
Ellen unclasped her hands from her forehead and looked up in Mrs Hamiltons face Her lips moved as if to speak but in a moment an expression of agony flitted over her face a cry broke from her of such fearful physical pain that it thrilled through the hearts of all who heard and consciousness deserted her at the same moment that Mr Maitland and Mr Howard entered the room together
CHAPTER IX
ILLNESS AND REMORSE
It was indeed a fearful night which followed the close of our last chapter Illness sufficient to occasion anxiety both in Herbert and Ellen had been often an inmate of Oakwood but it had merely called for care and all those kindly sympathies which render indisposition sometimes an actual blessing both to those who suffer and those who tend But illness appearing to be but the ghastly vehicle of death clothed in such fearful pain that no control even of reason and strong will can check its agonized expression till at last reason itself succumbs beneath it and bears the mind from the tortured frame this is a trial of no ordinary suffering even when such illness has been brought about by what may be termed natural causes But when it follows nay springs from mental anguish when the sad watchers feel that it might have been averted that it is the consequence of mistaken treatment and it comes to the young to whom such sorrow ought to be a thing unknown was it marvel that Mrs Hamilton as she stood by Ellens bed watching the alternations of deathlike insensibility with paroxysms of pain which nothing could relieve for it was only the commencement of brain fever felt as if she had indeed never known grief or anxiety before She had looked forward to Edwards confession bringing hope and rest to all that the aching head and strained nerves of her poor Ellen only needed returning love and the quietness of assured forgiveness for herself and Edward for health and happiness gradually to return and the shock of such sudden and terrible illness betraying as it did an extent of previous mental suffering which she had not conceived as possible in one so young almost unnerved her But hers was not a character to give way the anguish she experienced might be read in the almost stern quiet of her face in her gentle but firm resistance to every persuasion to move from Ellens bed not only through that dreadful night but for the week which followed The idea of death was absolute agony none but her God knew the struggle day after day night after night which she endured to compel her rebellious spirit to submission to His will whatever it might be She knew earths dearest most unalloyed happiness could not compare with that of Heaven if indeed it should be His pleasure to recall her but the thought would not bring peace She had no reason to reproach herself for she had acted only as imperative duty demanded and it had caused her almost as much misery as Ellen But yet the thought would not leave her that her harshness and cruelty had caused all the suffering she beheld She did not utter those thoughts aloud she did not dare give words to that deep wretchedness for she felt her only sustaining strength was in her God The only one who would have read her heart and given sympathy strength comfort without a word from her her husband was far away and she dared not sink though there were times when heart and frame felt so utterly exhausted it seemed at if she must
Mr Howards presence had been an inexpressible relief Go to Edward my dear friend she had said as he lingered beside the bed where Ellen had been laid longing to comfort but feeling at such a moment it was impossible he wants you more than any one else win him to confide in you soothe comfort him do not let him be out of your sight
Not understanding her except that Edward must be naturally grieved at his sisters illness Mr Howard sought him and found him still in the library almost in the same spot
This is a sad welcome for you Edward he said kindly laying his hand on his shoulder but do not be too much cut down Ellen is very young her constitution Mr Maitland assures us is good and she may be spared us yet I came over on purpose to see you for late as it was when I returned from Exeter and found you had arrived I would not defer it till tomorrow
You thought you came to see the pupil you so loved answered Edward raising his head and startling Mr Howard both by his tone and countenance You do not know that I am the cause of my poor sisters suffering that if she dies I am her murderer Oh Mr Howard he continued suddenly throwing himself in his arms and bursting into passionate tears why did I ever leave you why did I forgot your counsels your goodness throw your warning letter to the winds Hate me if you will but listen to me—pity me save me from myself
Startled as he was Mr Howard well acquainted with the human heart its errors as well as its better impulses knew how to answer this passionate appeal so as to invite its full confidence and soothe at the same time Edward poured out his whole tale It is needless to enter upon it here in detail suffice it that the artful influence of Harding by gradually undermining the good impressions of the home he had left had prepared his pupil for an unlimited indulgence in pleasure and excitement at every opportunity which offered And as the Prince William was cruising off the coast of British America and constantly touching at one or other of her ports where Harding from his seniority and usefulness and Edward from his invariable good conduct were often permitted to go ashore these opportunities especially when they were looked for and used by one practiced in deceit and wickedness were often found It does not require a long period to initiate in gambling The very compelled restraint in the intervals of its indulgence but increased its maddening excitement and once given up to its blind pursuit Harding became more than ever necessary to Edward and of course his power over him increased But when he tried to make him a sharer and conniver in his own low pleasures to teach him vice cautiously as he thought he had worked he failed Edward started back appalled and though unhappily he could not break from him from that hour he misdoubted and shrunk away But he had given an advantage to his fell tutor the extent of which he knew not himself Harding was too well versed in art to betray disappointment He knew when to bring wine to the billiardtable so to create such a delirium of excitement that Edward was wholly unconscious of his own actions and once or twice he led him into scenes and made him sharer of such vicious pleasures that secured him as his slave for when the excitement was over the agony of remorse the misery lest his confiding captain should suspect him other than he seemed made him cling to Hardings promises of secrecy as his only refuge even while he loathed the man himself It was easy to make such a disposition believe that he had in some moment of excitement done something which if known would expel him the Navy Edward could never recall what but he believed him and became desperate Harding told him it was downright folly to think about it so seriously It was only known to him and he would not betray him But Edward writhed beneath his power perpetually he called on him for pecuniary help and when he had none told him he must write home for it or win it at the billiardtable or he knew the consequences and Edward though again and again he had resolved he would not touch a ball or cue and the remorse had been such that he would no doubt have kept the resolve had it not been for dread of betrayal rather than write home would madly seek the first opportunity and play and win perhaps enough all but a few pounds to satisfy his tormentor and for these he would appeal to his sister and receive them as we know never asking and so never hearing the heavy price of individual suffering at which they were obtained
The seven or eight months which had elapsed before his last fatal appeal had been occasioned by the ship being out at sea Sir Edward had mentioned to Mr Hamilton that Edwards excellent conduct on board had given him a longer holiday on shore when they were off NewYork to which place he had been dispatched on business to the President than most of his companions Edward thought himself safe for Harding had been unusually quiet but the very day they neared land he told him he must have some cash sneered at the trifling sum Edward had by him told him if he chose to let him try for it fairly they should have a chance at billiards for it but if that failed he must pump his rich relations for it for have it he must Trusting to his luck for he had often won even with Harding he rushed to the table played and as might be expected left off owing his tormentor fifty pounds Hardings fiendish triumph and his declaration that he must trouble him for a check to that amount signed by the great millionaire Arthur Hamilton Esq goaded him to madness He drank down a large draught of brandy and deliberately sought another table and another opponent and won back fifteen but it was the last day of his stay on shore as his enslaver knew and it was the wretchedness the misery of this heavy debt to the crafty merciless betrayer of his youthful freshness and innocence who had solemnly sworn if he did not pay it by the next letters from his home he would inform against him and he knew the consequences which had urged that fearful letter to Ellen from which all her suffering had sprung Edward was much too young and ignorant of the worlds ways to know that Harding no more dared execute his threat against him than he could put his own head in the lions mouth His remorse was too deep his loathing of his changed self too unfeigned to believe that his errors were not of the heinous fatal nature which Harding taught him to suppose them and the anguish of a naturally fine noble independent spirit may be imagined All his poor mothers lessons of his uncles excessive sternness and determined pitilessness toward the faults of those less firm and worthy than himself returned to him completely banishing his own experience of that same uncles excessive kindness The one feeling had been insensibly instilled in his boyhood from as long as he could remember till the age of twelve the other was but the experience of eighteen short months Oh if parents would but think and tremble at the vast importance of the first lessons which reach the understanding of the young beings committed to their care Let them impress TRUTH not prejudice and they are safe Once fix a false impression and they know not and it is well perhaps they do not the misery that tiny seed may sow
Mr Howard listened with such earnest heartfelt sympathy such deep commiseration that his young penitent told him every error every feeling without the smallest reserve and in the long conversation which followed he felt more comforted more hopeful of himself than he had done for long long months He told with such a burst of remorseful agony his cruelty to his devoted sister that Mr Howard could scarcely hear it unmoved for on that subject there seemed indeed no comfort and he himself though he would not add to Edwards misery by confessing it felt more painfully selfreproached for his severity toward her than his conduct as a minister had ever excited before
Be with me or rather let me be with you as much as you can was Edwards mournful appeal as their long interview closed I have no dependence on myself—a weak miserable coward longing to forsake the path of evil and having neither power nor energy to do so I know you will tell me pray—trust If I had not prayed I could not have confessed—but it will not I know it will not last
It will while enduring this heavy trial of your poor sisters terrible illness and Gods infinite mercy may so strengthen you in the furnace of affliction as to last in returning joy Despair and you must fall trust and you will hope and struggle—despite of pain or occasional relapses Your faults are great but not so great as Harding represented them—not so heavy but that you can conquer and redeem them and be yet all we have believed you all that you hoped for in yourself
And my uncle— said Edward hesitatingly
Must be told but I will answer for him that he will be neither harsh nor unjust nor even severe I will write to him myself and trust to convince him that your repentance and resolution are sufficiently sincere to permit you a second trial without referring to Sir Edward You have done nothing to expel you from your profession but it depends on yourself to become truly worthy of its noble service
There was much in the sad tale he had heard to give hope and Mr Howard longed to impart its comfort to Mrs Hamilton but he felt she could not listen While day after day passed and the poor sufferer for anothers errors lay hovering between life and death reason so utterly suspended that even when the violent agony of the first seven days and nights had subsided into lethargic stupors alternating with such quiet submission and gentle words that had it not been for their wandering sense one might have fancied intellect returning still reason was absent—and though none said it aloud the fear would gain dominion that health might return but not the mind The first advice had been procured—what was distance even then to wealth—every remedy resorted to Her luxuriant hair cut close and ice itself applied to cool that burning throbbing pain but all had seemed vain till its cessation at the end of seven days somewhat renewed Mr Maitlands hope
Not one tear had Mrs Hamilton shed and so excessive had been her fatigue that Miss Harcourt and her children trembled for her conjuring her for their sakes for her husbands to take repose Mr Maitlands argument that when Ellen recovered her senses which he assured her now he had little doubt she would eventually she would need the soothing comfort of her presence still more than she could then and her strength must fail before that—if she so exhausted it—carried more weight than all the rest and her daughters had the inexpressible relief of finding that when in compliance with their tearful entreaties she did lie down she slept and slept refreshingly for nature was exhausted There was much of comfort in those days of trial which Mrs Hamilton fully realized when Ellens convalescence permitted her to recall it though at the time it seemed unnoticed That Carolines strong mind and good heart should urge her to do every thing in her power to save her mother trouble even to entreat Ellis and Morris to show her and let her attend to the weekly duties with them and accomplish them so earnestly and well that both these faithful domestics were astonished and delighted was not surprising for hers was a character to display its better qualities in such emergencies But that Emmeline should so effectually rouse herself from the overwhelming grief which had at first assailed her at Ellens fearful sufferings and great danger as to be a comfort alike to her mother and Edward and assist Caroline whenever she could even trying to be hopeful and cheerful for others sakes till she actually became so was so unexpected from the grief she had indulged in when she parted from her father that it did surprise To be in the room with Ellen had so affected her at first that she became pale and so evidently terrified that Mrs Hamilton half desired her not to come especially as she could do no good and Mrs Greville and Mary had tried to prevail on her to stay with them but she would not hear of it
If I can do no good can neither help mamma in nursing Ellen nor do as Caroline does I can at least try to comfort poor Edward and I will not leave him If I am so weak as not to be able to endure anxiety and sorrow without showing it it shall not conquer me No no dear Mary come and see me as often as you like but I can not leave home till mamma and Ellen and we are all happy again
And she did devote herself to Edward and so successfully—with her gentle sympathy with his grief her tender feeling toward his faults her conviction of her fathers forgiveness her unassuming but heartbreathing piety which without one word unduly introduced of a subject so holy for she felt herself much too lowly and ignorant to approach it—yet always led up his thoughts to God and from one so young so humble and in general so joyous had still greater effect in confirming his returning religious hope than had his teachers been only those who were older and wiser than himself However miserable he might be before she came he looked to her society her eloquence as comfort and hope and soon perceiving this she was encouraged to go on though quite astonished—for she could not imagine what she had done to deserve such commendation—when Mr Howard one day meeting her alone took both her hands in his and with even unusual fervor bade God bless her—for young lowly as she was she not only comforted the erring but raised and strengthened the penitents trembling faith and hope
Poor Edward harder than all seemed to him his aunts silence He knew his sister entirely engrossed her—ill as Ellen was it could not be otherwise but he passionately longed only for one word from her that she forgave him the misery she was enduring Not aware that such was his feeling conscious herself that her sole feeling toward him was pity not anger and looking to herself alone as the cause of her poor childs sufferings she did not think for a moment that he could imagine her never referring to his confession originated in displeasure
Ten or twelve days had so passed when one afternoon completely exhausted with two nights watchfulness—for though nurse Langford and Fanny were in constant attendance on Ellen she could not rest if she heard that harrowing cry for her even though her presence brought no comfort—she went to lie down for a few hours on a couch in her dressingroom Caroline had taken a book though with not much inclination to read to sit by her and watch that her sleep should not be disturbed How in those moments of quiet did she long for her father feeling intuitively how much heavier was her mothers trial without his loved support He had been written to by them all since Edwards confession Mrs Hamilton had done so in Ellens room only to beseech him to write forgivingly forbearingly to the unhappy cause of all She did not dare breathe her feelings even on paper to him convinced that if she did so control must give way and she was powerless at once but her husband knew her so well that every suppression of individual emotion betrayed more forcibly than the most earnest words all she was enduring
Caroline had kept her affectionate vigil nearly two hours when Edwards voice whispered Miss Harcourt wants you dear Caroline let me take your place I will be quite as watchful as yourself only let me stay here you do not know the comfort it will be
To resist his look of pleading wretchedness was impossible She left him and Edward drawing a low stool to the foot of the couch as if not daring to occupy his cousins seat which was close by the pillow gazed on the mild gentle features of his aunt as in their deep repose they showed still clearer the traces of anxiety and sorrow and felt more keenly than ever the full amount of misery which his errors and their fatal concealment had created Why is it he thought that man can not bear the punishment of his faults without causing the innocent the good to suffer also And his heart seemed to answer Because by those very social ties the strong impulses of love for one another which would save others from woe we may be preserved and redeemed from vice again and yet again when were man alone the sufferer vice would be stronger than remorse and never be redeemed
Mrs Hamilton woke with that painful start which long watchfulness always occasions and missing Caroline yet feeling as if she were not alone her eyes speedily fixed themselves in some surprise on the figure of her nephew who unable to bear the thoughts the sight of her exhaustion produced had bent his head upon the couch Inexpressibly touched and glad of the opportunity to speak to him alone she called him to her and there was something in the tone that encouraged him to fling himself on his knees by her side and sob like an infant saying almost inarticulately—
Can you will you ever forgive me aunt Emmeline Your silence has almost broken my heart for it seemed to say you never could and when I look at my poor Ellen and see how I have changed this happy home into sorrow and gloom and sin for it is all my work—mine whom you have loved treated trusted as a son—I feel you can not forgive me I ought to go from you I have no right to pollute your home
Hush Edward do not give utterance or indulgence to any such thoughts My poor unhappy boy your errors have brought such fearful chastisement from the hand of God himself it is not for me to treat you harshly May His mercy avert yet severer trial I will not hear your story now you are too agitated to tell it and I am not at this moment strong enough to hear it I am satisfied that you have confided all to Mr Howard and will be guided by him Only tell me how came you first to apply to Ellen Did the thought never strike you that in sending relief to you she might be exposing herself to inconvenience or displeasure Was there no consideration due to her
I never seemed to think of her except as glad and willing to help me at whatever cost to herself was his reply I feel now the cruel selfishness of the belief—but oh aunt Emmeline it was fostered in me from my earliest childhood grew with my growth increased with my years received strength and meaning from my poor mothers utter neglect of her and too indulgent thought for me I never thought so till now now that I know all my poor sisters meek and gentle worth and it makes me still more miserable I never could think her my equal never could fancy she could have a will or wish apart from mine and I can not trace the commencement of the feeling Oh if we had been but treated alike but taught to so love each other as to think of each others happiness above our own as you taught my cousins
Do you know any thing of the promise to which poor Ellen so constantly refers inquired Mrs Hamilton after gently soothing his painful agitation
He did not but acknowledged that from the time they had become inmates of Oakwood Ellen had constantly saved him from punishment by bearing the penalty of his faults recalling numerous incidents trifling in themselves but which had always perplexed Mrs Hamilton as evincing such strange contradictions in Ellens childish character and none more so than the disobedience which we related in our second part and which Edwards avowal of having himself moved the flowerstand now so clearly explained He said too that Mr Howard had thought it necessary for Ellens perfect justification to examine her letters and papers but that all his appeals to her had been destroyed but one—his last fatal inclosure the exact contents of which he had so utterly forgotten written as they were in a moment of madness that he shuddered himself as he read it He placed the paper in Mrs Hamiltons hand conjuring her not to recall her forgiveness when she read it but she must see it it was the only amends he could make his poor Ellen to exculpate her fully Was it any wonder it had almost driven her wild or that she should have scarcely known the means she adopted to send him the relief which as he deserved had never reached him
Mrs Hamilton read the letter and as thought after thought rose to her mind connecting defining explaining Ellens conduct from her fifteenth birthday the day she received it to the discovery of her sin and her devoted silence afterward trifling incidents which she had forgotten returned to add their weight of evidence and increase almost to agony her selfreproach for not seeing the whole before and acting differently She remembered now Ellens procrastination in writing to Edward the illness which followed and could well understand her dread lest the finding the notes should be traced to that day and so throw a suspicion on her brother and her consequent firmness in refusing to state the day she had found them
That long interview was one of inexpressible comfort to Edward but though his unfeigned repentance and full confession gave his aunt hope for him it did but increase her individual trial as she returned to Ellens couch and listened to wanderings only too painfully explained by the tale she had heard
CHAPTER X
MISTAKEN IMPRESSIONS ERADICATED
It was the seventeenth day of Ellens illness and for sixandthirty hours she had slept profoundly waking only at very long intervals just sufficiently to swallow a few drops of port wine which Mr Maitland had ordered to be administered if she woke and sunk to sleep again It was that deep still almost fearful repose for it is so like death which we can scarcely satisfy ourselves is life except by holding a glass at intervals to the lips to trace if indeed it receive the moisture of the breath And nurse Langford Mrs Hamilton and Edward had through these long hours watched and scarcely stirred For they knew that on her waking hung hope or misery return of intellect or its confirmed suspension Mr Maitland had particularly wished Edward to be with her when she recovered her senses that his presence might seem as natural as either of her cousins but he warned him that the least display of agitation on his part or reference to the past in her exhausted state might be fatal to her It was quite the evening Widow Langford had lighted the lamp and sat down by the fire scarcely able to breathe freely from the intensity of her hope that Ellen would recover And if such were her feelings what were Edwards and Mrs Hamiltons The former was kneeling on the right of the bed his eyes alternately fixed on his sister and buried in the coverlid Mrs Hamilton was on the opposite side close to Ellens pillow the curtain drawn so far back that the least change on the patients countenance was discernible Hour after hour had so passed the chimes that told their flight were scarcely heard by those anxious watchers It was about eight oclock when a slight movement in Ellen made her aunts heart so throb as almost to deprive her of breath her eyes unclosed and a smile such as Mrs Hamilton had not seen for weeks nay months circled her lips
Dear aunt have I been ill It seems such a long long time since I have seen you and my head feels so strange so light and this room it is my own I know but I feel as if it did not belong to me somehow Do make my head clear I can not think at all
Do not try to think yet darling You have been very very ill and to endeavor to think might hurt you Strength will soon return now I hope and then your head will be quite clear again returned Mrs Hamilton quietly and caressingly though she so trembled with the change from sickening dread to certain hope that she herself scarcely knew how she spoke at all
But what made me so ill aunt I feel as if it were some great pain I can not remember any thing clearly but yet it seems as if I had been very unhappy—and that—that you did not love me any more Did any thing make me ill Was it really so
That I did not love you my Ellen Indeed that was only fancy You were very unhappy as we were all for Edward did not come as soon as we expected him and the storms were very dreadful and we feared his ship might have been wrecked or cast ashore somewhere very far off where we could not hear of him and when you saw him and knew he was safe the anxiety and pain you had undergone made you ill you know a little thing will do that dearest
But is he really safe aunt Emmeline Where is he
Close by you love He has been as watchful and anxious a nurse as I have been Poor fellow you have given him a sad welcome but you must make up for it byandby
Ellen looked languidly yet eagerly round as her aunt spoke and her gaze fixed itself on her brother who was struggling violently to suppress the emotion which at the sound of her voice in connected words nearly overpowered him and still more so when Ellen said more eagerly than she had yet spoken—
Dear Edward come and kiss me and do not look so sad I shall soon get well
He bent over her and kissed her repeatedly trying in vain to say something but he felt so choked he could not and Ellen held his hand and looked earnestly searchingly in his face as if trying painfully to define the vague thoughts and memories which seemed all connected with him and with pain but which would not take a distinct form Her eye wandered from him for a moment to nurse Langford who had come to the foot of the bed and that seemed another face connected with the blank past and then it fixed itself again on Edward and her pale face so worked with the effort of thought that Mrs Hamilton became alarmed She saw too that Edward was growing paler and paler and trembled for the continuance of his control Taking Ellens hand gently from his and arranging her pillow at the same time so as to turn her face rather from him she said playfully—
You have looked at Edward long enough Ellen to be quite sure he is safe at home So now I shall be jealous if you give him any more of your attention and neglect me you must take some nourishment and try to go to sleep again for I must not have you try your strength too much
If I could but remember clearly answered Ellen sadly it is all so vague—so dark—but I do not think it was only because he did not come that made me so unhappy
You are not going to be disobedient dearest replied Mrs Hamilton firmly though fondly as she hastily signed to Edward to leave the room which he most thankfully did never stopping till he reached his own and tried to thank God for His great mercy but could only sob I told you not to think because to do so might retard return of strength and indeed you must try and obey me you know I am very peremptory sometimes And the fond kiss with which she enforced the command seemed to satisfy Ellen whose natural submissiveness combined with excessive physical weakness caused her to obey at once and not attempt to think any more She took the required nourishment with returning appetite and soon afterward fell quietly and happily to sleep again her aunts hand closely clasped in hers
From that day all fear of disordered intellect departed and gradually the extreme exhaustion gave way before Mr Maitlands judicious treatment Strength indeed returned so slowly and almost imperceptibly that it was necessary to count improvement by weeks not days And when six weeks after her first seizure she was thought well enough to be carried to Mrs Hamiltons dressingroom and laid on a couch there it was a source of gratitude and rejoicing to all But Mr Maitland and Mrs Hamilton soon saw with intense anxiety that with physical strength memory and thought had both fully returned and that their consequence was a depression so deep as effectually to retard her perfect recovery She seemed to shrink from all attention all kindness as utterly undeserved even from her cousins She would look at Edward for half an hour together with an expression of suffering that made the heart actually ache At times she would receive Mrs Hamiltons caressing and judicious tenderness as if it were her only comfort at others shrink from it as if she had no right to it
This will never do Mr Maitland said about ten days after Ellens removal into her daily quarters and finding she was losing ground there is something on her mind which must be removed even if to do so you refer to the past She remembers it all too clearly I fear so our not alluding to it does no good You must be the physician in this case my dear Mrs Hamilton for I am powerless
But though she quite agreed with him how to approach such a very painful subject required no little consideration but as is very often the case chance does that on which we have expended so much thought
One afternoon Ellen lay so still so pale on her couch that Mrs Hamilton bent over her to listen if she breathed saying as she did so almost unconsciously—
My poor Ellen when shall I have the comfort of seeing you well and happy again
Ellen hastily unclosed her eyes for she was not asleep—it had been only the stupor of painfullyengrossing thought rendering her insensible to all outward things but her aunts voice aroused her and it seemed an inexpressible relief to feel they were quite alone Trying to rise and clasping her hands she said in a tone of strong excitement—
Oh aunt Emmeline how can I be happy—how can I be well—when I think—think—that if it had not been for my sin and the misery it brought on me Edward might be safe still no one need have known his errors I tried to save—and—and I have only betrayed and made him wretched All I suffered was for nothing worse than nothing
Thank God you have spoken my dear child I felt as if I dared not introduce the subject but now that you have yourself I think I shall be able if indeed you will listen to me patiently Ellen to disperse the painful mists that are still pressing so heavily on this poor little heart and brain she said fondly though seriously as she put her arm round Ellen to support her as she sat up I do not tell you it is not a natural feeling my love but it is a wrong one Had your sin in consideration of its being as I am now convinced it was wholly involuntary—for in the fearful state of mind Edwards desperate letter occasioned you could not have known or thought of any thing but that relief seemed sent to your hand—had it on that account been permitted so far to succeed as to give him the aid he demanded and never have been traced to you it would have confirmed him in the path of guilt and error and poisoned your happiness forever When you recall the agony almost madness you felt while burdened with the consciousness of such an act how could you have borne it if it had continued through months perhaps years You shudder yet this must have been the case and Edward would have persisted in error if your sin had been permitted to succeed Its detection and the sufferings thence springing terrible as they have been to you my poor child have saved him and will I trust only bring securer happiness to you
Saved him repeated Ellen half starting up and scarcely hearing the last words—saved Edward
Yes dearest by leading him to a full confession and giving him not only the inexpressible comfort of such a proceeding but permitting him to see that great and disappointing as his errors are they can be conquered They are not of the irremediable guiltconfirming nature that he was taught to suppose them for Hardings own most guilty ends and so giving him hope and resolution to amend which a belief that amendment is impossible entirely frustrates Do not fear for Edward my own love he will give you as much pride and comfort as he has anxiety and grief and you under Gods mercy will have been the cause It is a hard lesson to learn and yet Ellen I think one day when you can look back more calmly on the last few months you will acknowledge with me that great as your sufferings have been they were sent in love both to him and to you
If they have saved him—saved him from a continuance in error and so made him happy—Oh aunt Emmeline I can think so now and I will try to bear the rest but why she added growing more excited oh why have you been so good so kind Why did you not continue cold and distant I could bear it better then
Bear what love What have you more to bear Tell me all without reserve Why should I be cold when you deserve all my love and kindness
Because—because am I not to go to Seldon Grange as soon as I am strong enough Uncle Hamilton said there could be no excusing cause demanding a complete avoidance of his sentence I thought it was pain enough when you first told me but now now every time I think about it it seems as if I could not bear it
And you are not called upon to bear it my dear child Is it possible you could think for a moment that I could send you away from me when you have borne so much and been treated with far too much severity already Did I not tell you that the term of your banishment depended entirely on the motive of your silence and do you think there was no excuse in your motive my Ellen mistaken as it was Is selfdevotion to be of no more account to me than it seemed to you Come smile dearest I promise you in your uncles name and my own you shall never leave us unless it be of your own free will and pleasure a few years hence
Ellen did try to smile but she was too weak to bear this complete removal of a double burden without an emotion that seemed more like pain than joy She laid her head on her aunts shoulder and wept without restraint They were the first tears she had shed since her illness and Mrs Hamilton thanked God for them She did not attempt to check them but the few words she did speak told such affectionate sympathy such perfect comprehension of that young heart that Ellen felt as if a mountain of lead were dissolving from her
And now my Ellen that I have relieved you of a painful dread will you ease my mind of a great anxiety inquired Mrs Hamilton nearly an hour afterward when Ellen seemed so relieved and calmed that she could talk to her without fear You look surprised but it is a subject you alone can explain and till it is solved I shall never feel that your happiness is secure What is this promise to which in your illness you so constantly referred and which I fear has strengthened you in the system of selfsacrifice for Edwards sake in addition to your love for him
A deep flush rose to Ellens transparent cheek and brow as she answered falteringly—
Ought I to tell you dear aunt You do not know how often how very often I have longed to ask you if to keep it made me do wrong—whether I ought to break it And yet it seemed so sacred and it gave poor mamma such comfort
When did you make it love Its import I need not ask you for you betrayed it when you knew not what you said and it was confirmed by your whole conduct To shield Edward from blame or punishment by never revealing his faults
Was it wrong murmured Ellen hiding her conscious face
Wrong in you no dearest for you were too young to know all the pain and evil it was likely to bring Tell me when and how it was taken and I think I can prove to you that your poor mother would have recalled it had she had the least idea of the solemn hold it had taken upon you
Thus encouraged Ellen narrated the scene that had taken place in widow Morgans cottage just before Mrs Hamilton arrived and her mothers fears for Edward and dread of Mr Hamilton which it was very evident and now more than ever had extended to both her children She said that Mr Myrvins assurance that her mother could see and would love her in Heaven directly following the promise had given it still more weight and solemnity That at first she thought it would be very easy to keep because she loved Edward so dearly but she had not been long at Oakwood before it made her very unhappy from its constant interference with and prevention of her obedience and duty to her aunt that it had often caused her violent head aches only from her vain attempts to satisfy herself as to that which she ought to do When Edward first went to sea and all seemed so right and happy with him of course she became happier than she had ever been before Then came his difficulties and her conviction that she must save him and keep his secret That her reason and her affection often urged her to confide all to her aunt certain that she would not harshly condemn Edward but would forgive and help him far more effectually than she could but she dared not for whenever she thought thus the figure of her mother rose before her seeming to reproach and threaten her for exposing the child she so dearly loved to disgrace and ruin and this was so vivid—so constant during his last appeal that she thought she must be going mad that nothing but the dread of not being firm enough to keep Edwards secret had withheld her from confessing her sin at once to her aunt especially when her uncle had so solemnly denounced it as theft and that when it was discovered it seemed actual relief though it brought such severe punishment for she knew no suffering for her could be too severe
The tale as Ellen told it was brief and simple enough and that there was any merit in such a system of selfdevotion never seemed to enter her mind for a moment but to Mrs Hamilton it revealed such an amount of suffering and trial such a quiet systematic heroic endurance that she unconsciously drew that young delicate being closer and closer to her as if her love should protect her in future from any such trial and from what had it all sprung—the misery of years at a period when life should be so joyous and so free that care and sorrow flee it as purely and too briefly happy to approach From a few thoughtless words from a thoughtless partial mother whose neglect and dislike had pronounced that disposition cold unloving and inanimate whose nature was so fervid so imaginative that the utmost care should have been taken to prevent the entrance of a single thought or feeling too precocious too solemn for her years It may be urged and with truth that to an ordinary child the promise might have been forgotten or heedlessly laid aside without any harm accruing from it but it was from not caring to know the real character of the little being for whose happiness and virtue she was responsible that the whole mischief sprung and it is this neglect of maternal duty against which we would so earnestly warn those who may not have thought about it It is not enough to educate the mind to provide bodily necessaries to be indulgent in the gift of pleasure and amusement the heart must be won and taught and to do so with any hope of success the character must be transparent as the day and what difficulty what hinderance can there or ought there to be in obtaining this important knowledge to a mother from whose breast the babe has received its nourishment from whose arms it has gradually slipped away to feel its own independence from whose lips it has received its first lessons at whose knee lisped its first prayer How comparatively trifling the care how easy the task to learn the opening disposition and natural character so as to guide with gentleness and love and create happiness not for childhood alone though that is much but for youth and maturity
All these thoughts passed though Mrs Hamiltons mind as she listened to her niece and looked at the pale sweet face lifted up to hers in the earnestness of her simple tale as if unconsciously appealing for her protection against the bewildering and contending feelings of her own young heart How she was effectually to remove these impressions of years indeed she knew not her heart seemed to pray for guidance that peace might at length be Ellens portion even as she heard
You could scarcely have acted otherwise than you have always done toward Edward my dear Ellen under the influence of such a promise she said your extreme youth naturally enough could not permit you to distinguish whether it was called for by a mere impulse of feeling in your poor mother or really intended But tell me do you think it would give me any comfort or happiness if I could see Emmeline act by Percy as you have done by Edward To see her suffer pain and sorrow and be led into error too sometimes to conceal Percys faults and prevent their removal when by the infliction of some trifling pain it would save his exposing himself to greater
But it seems so different with my cousins aunt they are all such equals I can not fancy Emmeline in my place You have always loved them all alike
And do you not think a mother ought to do to dearest
But how can she if they are not all equally deserving I was so different to Edward he was so handsome and good and so animated and happy and I was always fretful and ill and they said so often naughty and he used to fondle poor mamma and show his love which I was afraid to do though I did love her so very much the tears started to her eyes so I could not help feeling he must be much better than I was just as I always feel all my cousins are and so it was no wonder poor mamma loved him so much the best
Have I ever made any difference between Edward and you Ellen asked Mrs Hamilton conquering with no small effort the emotion called forth by Ellens simple words
Oh no no and she clung to her in almost painful emotion But you are so good so kind to every body you would love me and be kind to me as poor papa was because nobody else could
My dear Ellen what can I do to remove these mistaken impressions I love you and your father loved you because you have qualities claiming our love quite as powerfully as your brother You must not imagine because you may be less personally and mentally favored that you are inferior to him either in the sight of your Heavenly Father or of the friends and guardians He has given you And even if such were the case and you were as undeserving as you so wrongly imagine yourself my duty as that of your mother would be just the same A parent does not love and guide her children according to their individual merits my dear Ellen but according to the fountain of love which to enable her to do her duty God has so mercifully placed in her heart and therefore those who have the least attractions and the most faults demand the greater cherishing to supply the place of the one and more careful guiding to overcome the other Do you quite understand me love
Ellens earnest face on which joy and hope seemed struggling with doubt was sufficient answer
All mothers do not think of their solemn responsibility in the same light and many causes—sad recollections and selfreproaches for her early life and separation in coldness from her father and myself might all have tended to weaken your mothers consciousness of her duty and so without any fault in yourself my Ellen have occasioned her too great partiality for Edward But do you remember her last words
Ellen did remember them and acknowledged they had so increased her affection for her mother as to render the promise still more sacred to her
I feared so dearest but it is just the contrary effect which they should have had When she called you to her and blessed and kissed you as fondly as she did Edward she said she had done you injustice had failed in her duty to you and it so grieved her for it was too late to atone for it then she could only pray to God to raise you up a kinder parent I have tried to be that for her sake as well as your own and will you not acknowledge that if she had been spared to love and know your affection for her she could no more have borne to see you suffer as you have done for Edward than I could my Emmeline for Percy Do you not think when she had learned to feel as I do which she had already begun to do that she would have recalled that fatal promise and entreated you not to act upon it What has it ever done but to make you to painfully suffer lead you often into error and confirm by concealment Edwards faults
Ellens tears were falling fast and freely but they were hardly tears of pain Her aunts words seemed to disperse a thick mist from her brain and heart and for the first time to satisfy her that she might dismiss the painful memory of her promise and dismiss it without blame or disobedience to her mother
Mrs Hamilton had begun the conversation in trembling for it seemed so difficult to accomplish her object without undue condemnation of her sister but as Ellen clasping her arms about her neck tried to thank her again and again for taking such a heavy load from her heart saying that she would still help Edward just the same and she would try to guard him and herself from doing wrong that her mother should love her still she felt she had succeeded and silently but how fervently thanked God
But will you tell me one thing aunt Emmeline Why if the promise were mistaken and poor mamma would have wished it recalled did I always seem to see her so distinctly and fancy she so desired me to save Edward from my uncles displeasure
Because you have a very strong imagination my love increased by dwelling on this subject and in your last trial your mind was in such a fearful and unnatural state of excitement that your imagination became actually diseased It was not at all surprising for much older and stronger and wiser persons would have experienced the same under the same pressure of grief and terror and remorse But what can I do to cure this morbid imagination Ellen she continued playfully sentence you as soon as you get well to a course of mathematics six hours each day
I am afraid my poor head will be more stupid at figures than ever replied Ellen trying to smile too
Then I suppose I must think of something else Will you follow Emmelines example and tell me every thing however foolish or unfounded it may seem that comes into this little head—whether it worries or pleases you You have nothing and you will have nothing ever again I trust to conceal from me my dear Ellen and if you will do this you will give me more comfort individually and more security for the furtherance of your happiness as far as my love can promote it than any other plan
Her playfulness had given place to renewed earnestness and Ellen as if in the very thought of such perfect confidence dwelt security and peace so long unknown to her gave the required assurance so eagerly and gratefully that Mrs Hamilton was satisfied and happy
CHAPTER XI
THE LOSS OF THE SIREN
From that day Ellens recovery though a sad trial of patience both to the young invalid and her affectionate nurses was surely progressive without any of those painful relapses which had so tried Mr Maitlands skill before She no longer shrunk from the society of her relations receiving Carolines and Miss Harcourts many kind attentions with surprise indeed for she could not imagine what could so have altered their feelings toward her but with that evident gratitude and pleasure which encourages a continuance of kindness Emmeline was always kind but it was indeed happiness to feel she might talk with and share her amusements as in former days and that instead of thinking she ought not to receive her aunts affection the only thing she asked in return was her full confidence The inexpressible rest to poor Ellen which that conversation gave is not to be described It was so blessed so soothing that it seemed too unnatural to last and the secret dread that her uncle would not feel toward her and Edward as her aunt did was its only alloy Edward too was cheerful and almost happy when with her and a long conversation with Mr Howard which that worthy man insisted upon having as soon as she was strong enough to remove the false impressions which his severity had given and which never ceased to grieve and reproach him caused his almost daily visits to be anticipated by her with as much gladness as they had before brought dread
And now that anxiety for Ellen is at end I must have you take more care of yourself Mrs Hamilton Your husbands last injunctions were that I should never pass a week without calling once or twice at Oakwood to know how all was going on and what would he say to me if he could see you now
He little thought how my strength would be tried my good friend and so will quite acquit you I assure you that physically I am perfectly well—the worthy doctor shook his head most unbelievingly—but even with one great anxiety calmed there remains another which every week increases It is more than double the usual time of hearing from my husband We have never had any answer to the letters detailing Ellens danger and Edwards return and the answers have been due a full month
But the weather has been so unusually tempestuous it may have been impossible for the Siren to ply to and fro from Feroe to Scotland as Hamilton wished and no ships are likely to touch at those islands in the winter I really think you need not be anxious on that score none but Arthur Hamiltons head could have contrived your hearing as regularly from such an outlandish place as you have done No news is good news depend upon it He may be anxious on your account and returning himself
God forbid answered Mrs Hamilton turning very pale better the anxiety of not hearing from him than the thought of his being at sea in this season
Oakwood had resumed its regular happy aspect though Ellen was still upstairs Morris and Ellis had once more the happiness of their beloved mistresss superintendence and proud were they both as if Caroline had been their own child to show all she had done and so unostentatiously to save her mother trouble when she had been too anxious to think of any thing but Ellen and the mothers heart swelled with a delicious feeling of gratitude to Him who if in making her so acutely sensible of her solemn responsibility had deepened and extended anxiety had yet in the same measure heightened and spiritualized joy The fruit was indeed worth the nurture though it might have been often washed with tears Intensely anxious as she felt herself as did also Mr Howard and Mr Maitland and in fact all Arthur Hamiltons friends she yet tried to sustain the spirits of her children for the young men had evidently grown anxious on the subject too It was not unlikely that the seas round Feroe always stormy should prevent any ship leaving the island and the young people eagerly grasped the idea so painful is it to youth to realize a cause for anxiety but even they at times grew unconsciously sad and meditating as the usually joyous season of Christmas and New Year passed and still there was no letter Ellen and Edward both in secret dreaded the arrival of the answer to the latters confession but still their affection for Mrs Hamilton was too powerful to permit any thought of self interfering with the wish that her anxiety might be calmed
In January the weather changed the tremendous winds gave place to an almost unnatural calm and to such excessive mildness and closeness of atmosphere that it affected the health of many who were strong and not only made Ellen very languid but frequently recalled those dreadful headaches which were in themselves an illness Business called Mr Howard to Dartmouth near the end of the month and he prevailed on Edward to accompany him for whenever his sister was more than usually suffering his gloom redoubled The first few days were so fine that the change renovated him Mr Howard declared it was the sight of old ocean and Edward did not deny it for though it was good for the permanence of his repentance and resolution to amend to have the influence of his home sufficiently long his spirit inwardly chafed at his detention and yearned to be at sea again and giving proof of his determination to become indeed a British sailor
The third day of their visit the lull and heaviness of the air increased so strangely and closely for January as to seem almost portentous Edward and Mr Howard lingered on the beach the wellpracticed eye of the former tracing in many little things unseen to landsmen the slow but sure approach of a fearful storm
It is strange for the season but there is certainly electricity in the air he said directing Mr Howards attention to ridges of whitefringed clouds floating under the heavens whose murky hue was becoming denser and denser and ever and anon as lashed by some as yet silent and invisible blast the ocean heaved and foamed and gave sure evidence of approaching fury there will be I fear a terrible storm tonight and look at those birds several seagulls were skimming along the waves almost bathing their white plumage in the blackened waters strange how they always herald tempest Emmeline would call them spirits of the blast reveling in the destruction it foretells
It is approaching already rejoined Mr Howard as a long hollow blast moaned and shivered round them followed by the roar of a mountainous wave bursting on the beach God have mercy on all exposed to its fury and he gladly turned more inland while Edward remained watching its progress with an almost pleasurable feeling of excitement only wishing he could but be on the sea to enjoy it as such a storm deserved to be
As the day drew to a close it increased and as darkness set in its fury became appalling Blasts long and loud as the reverberation of artillery succeeded one another with awful rapidity tearing up huge trees by the roots and tiles from the roofs Now and then at distant intervals blue lightning played through the black heavens betraying that thunder had mingled with the wind though it was impossible to distinguish the one sound from the other and as the gusts passed onward streaks of white and spots of strange unnatural blue gleamed through the gloom for a moments space leaving deeper darkness as they disappeared The ocean lashed to wildest fury rolled in huge mountains of troubled waters throwing up showers of snowy foam contrasting strangely with the darkness of earth and heaven and bursting with a sound that deadened for the time even the wild roar of the blast To read or even to converse in their comfortable quarters in the hotel which overlooked the sea became as impossible to Mr Howard as to Edward About eleven oclock however the wind suddenly veered and lulled only sending forth now and then a long sobbing wail as if regretful that its work of destruction was even checked but the sea raged with equal fury presenting a spectacle as magnificent as awful and giving no appearance of a calm A sharp report sounded suddenly from the sea—whether it was the first or that others might have been lost in the tumult of the winds and waves who might answer Another and another at such rapid intervals that the danger was evidently imminent and Edward started to his feet Again—and he could bear it no longer Hurriedly exclaiming They are signals of distress and close at hand Something must be done no sailor can sit still and see sailors perish he rushed to the beach closely followed by Mr Howard who was resolved on preventing any mad attempt Crowds of fishermen and townsmen had congregated on the beach drawn by that fearful sound which by the light from the guns seemed scarcely half a mile distant and yet so perilous was the present appearance of the ocean that to go to their assistance seemed impossible Suddenly however Edwards voice exclaimed with the glad and eager tone of perfect confidence They can be saved—a strong boat and two willing rowers and I will undertake to reach the vessel and bring the crew safe to shore Who among you he continued turning eagerly to the group of hardy fishermen will be my assistants in this act of common humanity who possesses willing hearts and able hands and will lend them
No one who cares for his life was the sullen answer from one of those he addressed and the rest stood silent eyeing half disdainfully half admiringly the slight figure of the young sailor revealed as it was in the fitful light of the many torches scattered by the various groups along the beach It is well for boys to talk we can not expect old heads on young shoulders but not a boat with my consent leaves the harbor tonight it would be willful murder
I tell you I will stake my life on the venture answered Edward his passion rising high Am I speaking to sailors and can they hesitate when they hear such sounds Give me but a boat and I will go by myself and when you need aid may you find those to give it you will scarce dare ask it if that vessel perish before your eyes Lend me a boat I say fitted for such a sea and the lender shall be rewarded handsomely If there be such risk I ask none to share it my life is my own and I will peril it
It would have made a fine scene for a painter that young slight form and boyish face surrounded by those weatherbeaten men every countenance expressing some different emotion yet almost all unwilling admiration the torches glare so lurid on the pitchy darkness the sheets of foam rising and falling like showers of dazzling snow the craggy background and out at sea the unfortunate vessel a perfect wreck struggling still with the fastrising waters Mr Howard saw all but with no thought of the picturesque his mind was far otherwise engaged
By Neptune but your honor shall not go alone I have neither parent nor sister nor wife to pipe for me if I go so my life must be of less moment than yours and if you can so peril it why should not I exclaimed a stalwart young fisherman advancing and Edward eagerly grasped his rough hand conjuring him to get his boat at once there was not a moment to lose but the example was infectious and an old man hastily stepped forward declaring the youngsters had taught him his duty and he would do it
Great God what do they say exclaimed Edward as his younger companion hastened down the beach to bring his boat to the leeward of the cliff to launch it more securely and a rumor ran through the crowds whence arising it was impossible to discover The Siren—Captain Harvey—my uncles ship—and he must be in her—she would never leave Feroe without him What foundation is there for this rumor let me know for Gods sake
But none could tell more than that a vessel entering the harbor just before the gale had hailed the Siren about twenty miles distant and she seemed laboring heavily and in such a distressed state that a very little would finish her Not a word escaped Edwards lips which grew for the moment blanched as marble Mr Howard to whom the rumor had brought the most intense agony for not a doubt of its truth would come to relieve him was at his side grasping his hand and murmuring hoarsely—
Edward my poor boy must your life be periled too—both—both—this is awful
Let me but save him and if I perish it will be in a good cause Tell aunt Emmeline I know she will comfort my poor Ellen and that the boy she has saved from worse misery than death did all he could to save her husband and if I fail—he stopped in strong emotion then added—give Ellen this and this he cut off a lock of his hair with his dirk and placed it and his watch in Mr Howards trembling hand—And now my friend God bless you and reward you too He threw himself a moment in Mr Howards arms kissed his cheek and darting down the beach leaped into the boat which was dancing like a nutshell on the water It was several minutes ere they could succeed in getting her off the waves seeming determined to cast her back but they were fairly launched at length and then they heeded not that one minute they rode high on a mountain wave seeming as if nothing could save them from being dashed in the abyss below the next were buried in a deep valley surrounded by huge walls of water threatening to burst and overwhelm them For a boat to live in such a sea at all seemed miraculous and old Collins always declared that unless some angel sat at the helm with Edward no human arm could have taken them in safety If it were an angel it was the pure thought the faithwinged prayer that he might be the instrument in the Eternals hand of turning aside death and misery from that beloved home in which even his errors had been met with love and conquered by forgiveness
With every effort and they were such as to bid the perspiration stream down the face and arms of those strong men and almost exhaust Edward for he took an oar in turn it was full an hour from their leaving the shore before they reached the ship She had ceased firing for by the lights on shore they had discovered the boats departure and watched her progress by the lantern at her head as only those can watch who feel one short hour more and their ship will float no longer
Collins was spokesman for Edward as they grappled the boat alongside had sunk down for the moment powerless by the helm roused however effectually by the answer—
The Siren—bound to Dartmouth—from Feroe—owner Arthur Hamilton passenger—now on board—nine in crew
In with you all then—that is Captain Harveys voice Ill be sworn the rumor was only too true
Ay old Collins returned the captain we thought to perish in sight of our own homes now Mr Hamilton not a man will stir till you are safe
His companion leaped into the boat without reply and sinking on one of the benches drew his cloak closely round his face Peril was indeed still around him but compared with the—even to that Heavendirected heart—terrible struggle of beholding death rising slowly but surely round him in the waterfilling ship almost within sight and sound of his home his beloved ones the mere hope of life seemed almost overpowering The crew of the hapless Siren quickly deserted her Captain Harvey was the last to descend and as he did so a block of iron loosened from its place fell cornerwise and struck sharply on Edwards forehead almost stunning him for the moment as he watched the captains descent He felt the blood slowly trickling down his temple and cheek but he was not one to be daunted by pain he resumed his station at the helm in unbroken silence only speaking when directions were absolutely necessary and then only in a few brief sailorterms They had scarcely proceeded a third of their way when the waters boiled and foamed as tossed by some strange whirlpool and it required all Edwards address and skill as steersman to prevent the frail boat from being drawn into the vortex The cause was soon displayed and every heart shuddered for ten minutes later and help would indeed have been in vain The unfortunate vessel had sunk—been swallowed up in those rushing waters the suction of so large a mass producing for a brief interval the effect of a whirlpool The silence of awe and of intense thankfulness fell on the heart of every man and more than all on his who had so far recovered his first emotion as to gaze wonderingly and admiringly on the boyish figure at the helm whose voice was utterly unknown and whose features the fitful light and the youths steadfast gaze on his rowers prevented his tracing with any certainty
The crowds had increased on the shore watching with intense eagerness the return of the boat but the expectation was too deep for sound silence almost portentous reigned A huge sea had concealed her for several minutes and Mr Howard who during these two long hours had remained spellbound on the beach groaned aloud in his agony again she was visible driven on with fearful velocity by the tide nearer nearer still He thought he could distinguish the figure of his friend he was sure he could hear the voice of Edward urging commanding directing a landing somewhere in contradiction to the opinion of others They were within a dozen yards of the shore but still not a sound of gratulation was heard Every eye was fixed as in the fascination of terror on a wave in the distance increasing in size and fury as it rapidly approached It neared the boat—it stood impending over the frail thing as a mighty avalanche of waters—it burst the boat was seen no longer and a wild and terrible cry sounded far and near along the beach
CHAPTER XII
FOREBODINGS
The whole of the day Mrs Hamilton had vainly tried to shake off a most unwonted gloom Convinced herself that it was greatly physical from the unusual oppressiveness of the weather relaxing the nerves which had so many months been overstrained yet her thoughts would cling to Mr Maitlands words that her husband might be coming home himself but if the accounts of Ellens danger and Edwards confession had recalled him he ought to have arrived full two or three weeks previous The gale that swept round her—the awful and unnatural darkness—the remarkable phenomena at that season of lightning—and the long loud thunderclaps4 which inland could be fearfully distinguished from the gale appalled the whole household and therefore it was not much wonder that the vague idea of her husbands having left Feroe and exposure to such a tempest should become in that fearful anxiety almost a certainty of agony It was well perhaps that her unselfish nature had an object to draw her in some slight degree out of herself for her firmness her trust beyond the accidents of earth all seemed about to fail her and make her for the time being most wretched As the storm and closeness increased so did Ellens feverish restlessness her nerves not yet fully restored felt strung almost to torture with every flash and clap and blast She tried to laugh at her own folly for though often terrified when a little child at the storms in India those of England had never affected her at all and she could not understand why she should feel this so childishly But argument is of little moment in such cases and Mrs Hamilton satisfying her that she could no more help her present sensation than her physical weakness tried to soothe and amuse her and in so doing partially cheered herself She did not leave her till past midnight and then desiring Mrs Langford to sit up with her till she was comfortably asleep retired to her own bedroom Never since her husbands absence had its solitude felt so vast—so heavily oppressive thought after thought of him thronged her mind till she fairly gave up the effort to struggle with them Will his voice ever sound here again his heart give me the support I need rose to her lips as she gazed round her and the deep stillness the gloom only broken by a small silver lamp and the fitful light of the fire seemed but a solemn answer She buried her face in her clasped hands and the clock struck two before that inward conflict permitted her once more to lift up heart and brow in meek trusting faith to Him who still watched over her and her beloved ones and after an earnest voiceless prayer she drew her little table with its books of devotion to the fire and read thoughtfully prayerfully for another hour and then sought her couch But she could not sleep the wind had again arisen and fearing to lie awake and listen to it would only renew her unusual agitation she rose at four dressed herself and throwing on a large shawl softly traversed the passage and entered her nieces room finding her as she fully expected as wakeful and restless as herself with the addition of an intense headache She had persuaded nurse Langford to go to bed but the pain had come on since then and made her more restless and feverish than before She could not lie in any posture to get ease till at last about six oclock completely exhausted she fell asleep sitting almost upright in her aunts arms her head leaning against her as she stood by the bedside Fearing to disturb her Mrs Hamilton would not move desiring the morning prayers to be said without her and Miss Harcourt and her daughters not to wait breakfast as she would have it with Ellen when she awoke That she was stiff and exhausted with three hours standing in one position she did not heed perhaps scarcely felt for womans loveliest attribute that of a tender and utterly unselfish nurse was hers to perfection But she did not refuse the cup of chocolate Caroline brought her herself and with affectionate earnestness entreated her to take
You look so fatigued and so pale dearest mother I wish you would let me take your place I would be so quiet so gentle Ellen would not even know her change of nurses
I do not doubt your care love but I fear the least movement will disturb this poor child and she has had such a restless night I want her to sleep as long as she can Your thoughtful care has so refreshed me that I feel quite strong again so go and finish your breakfast in comfort dearest
Caroline very unwillingly obeyed and about a quarter of an hour afterward Mrs Hamilton was startled by the sound of a carriage advancing with unusual velocity to the house It stopped at the main entrance and she had scarcely time to wonder who could be such very early visitors when a loud scream in the voice of Emmeline rung in her ears whether of joy or grief she could not distinguish but it was the voice of her child and the already tortured nerves of the wife and mother could not bear it without a sensation of terror amounting to absolute agony She laid Ellens head tenderly on the pillow watched over her though her limbs so trembled she could scarcely support herself saw with intense relief that the movement had not disturbed her quiet sleep and calling Mrs Langford from an adjoining room hastily descended the stairs though how she did so and entered the breakfastroom she always said she never knew Many and eager and glad voices were speaking at once the very servants thronged the hall and threshold of the room but all made way for her
Arthur—my husband she did find voice to exclaim but every object but his figure reeled before her and she fainted in his arms
It was some time before she recovered for mind and frame had been too long overtasked and Mr Hamilton as he clasped her in his arms beseeching her only to speak to him and gazed on her deathlike countenance felt in a moment that great as his anxiety had been for her he had not imagined onehalf she had endured His voice—his kiss—seemed to rouse the scattered senses even more effectually than Miss Harcourts anxiously proffered remedies but she could not speak she only looked up in his face as if to be quite quite sure he had indeed returned that her vague fancies of danger even if they had foundation had merged in the most blissful reality that she was no longer alone and leaning her head on his bosom was only conscious of a thankfulness too deep for words a repose that since his departure she had not known for a single day Neither she nor her husband could believe that it was only six months since they had been separated It seemed and to Mrs Hamilton especially as if she must have lived through years in that time it had been so fraught with sorrow
Not one word my own dearest and only these pallid cheeks and heavy eyes to greet me Must I reproach you directly I come home for as usual not thinking enough of yourself forgetting how precious is that self to so many your husband above all
Nay papa you shall not scold mamma said Emmeline eagerly as her mother tried to smile and speak in answer She ought to scold you for not sending us one line to prepare us for your unexpected presence and frightening us all by coming so suddenly upon us and making mamma faint as I never saw her do before Indeed I do not like it mother darling continued the affectionate girl kneeling down by her mother and clinging to her adding in a suppressed terrified voice It was so like death
Mrs Hamilton read in a moment that Emmelines playfulness was only assumed to hide strong emotion that she was trying very hard for complete control but so trembling that she knelt down literally because she could not stand It was such a proof of her endeavor to profit by her mothers gentle lessons that even at that moment it not only gave her the sweetest gratification but helped her to rouse herself
Indeed I think you are perfectly right Emmy she said quite in her usual voice as she pressed her child a moment to her and kissed her cheek which was almost as pale as her own I will not submit to any scolding when papa himself is answerable for my unusual weakness but as we wanted him so very much why we will be lenient with him and only keep him prisoner with us for some time to come But get him breakfast quickly Caroline love such an early visitor must want it When did you arrive dearest Arthur she added looking earnestly in his face and half wondering at the expression upon it it seemed to speak so many things surely not this morning You were not at sea in yesterdays awful storm
I was indeed my Emmeline can you bear to hear it or have you been agitated enough already I have been in danger great danger but our Fathers infinite mercy has preserved me to you all making the instrument of my preservation so young a lad and slight a frame I know not how sufficiently to bless God or to thank my preserver
Mrs Hamiltons hand closed convulsively on her husbands her eyes riveted on his countenance as if she would grasp his whole meaning at once but little did she guess the whole
I did not come alone he added striving for composure and even playfulness though it seems I was such an important personage as to be the only one seen or thought about
Bytheby I did see or fancied I saw Edward rejoined Caroline who at the news of her father having been in danger had left the breakfasttable unable to keep away from him even that short distance but neither she nor either of the others connecting her cousin with Mr Hamiltons words and not quite understanding why he should have so interrupted the most interesting subject He has gone to see Ellen I suppose and so we have missed him Was he your companion papa How and where did you meet him
Let him answer for himself replied Mr Hamilton still determinately hiding his feelings under a tone and manner of jest and leaving his wifes side for a moment he drew Edward from the recess of the window where all this time he had been standing quite unobserved and led him forward
Good heavens Edward what have you been about exclaimed Miss Harcourt and her exclamation was echoed by Caroline and Emmeline while Mrs Hamilton gazed at him in bewildered alarm He was deadly pale with every appearance of exhaustion and a most disfiguring patch on his left brow which he had tried in vain to hide with his hair
You have been fighting
Only with the elements Miss Harcourt and they have rather tired me that is all I shall be well in a day or two Dont look so terrified dear aunt he answered with the same attempt at jest as his uncle and throwing himself lightly on an ottoman by Mrs Hamilton he laid his head very quietly on her lap
Fighting—and with the elements Arthur dearest Arthur for pitys sake tell me the whole truth at once it can not be—
And why should it not my beloved there was no attempt at jest now He to whom your care has preserved a sister—whom your indulgent love has given courage to resolve that error shall be conquered and he will become all we can wish him—whom you took to your heart and home when motherless—God has mercifully made the instrument of saving your husband from a watery grave and giving back their father to your children
To be associated in your heart with other thoughts than those of ingratitude and cruelty and sin Oh aunt Emmeline I can not thank God enough for permitting me this great mercy were the only words poor Edward could speak when the first intensity of his aunts emotion was in some degree conquered and she could look in his young face though her eyes were almost blinded with tears and putting back the bright hair which the rain and spray had so uncurled as to lay heavy and damp upon his pale forehead she imprinted a long silent kiss upon it and looking alternately at him and her husband seemed powerless to realize any other thought
Mr Hamilton briefly but most eloquently narrated the events of the previous night dwelling only sufficiently on his imminent peril to evince the real importance of Edwards extraordinary exertions not to harrow the feelings of his listeners more than need be That the young officers determined opposition to the almost angrily expressed opinions of Captain Harvey and old Collins as to the better landingplace had saved them from the effects of the huge wave which had burst like a waterspout a minute after they had all leaped in safety on shore almost overwhelming the projecting sand to which Collins had wished to direct the boat and so proving at once Edwards far superior nautical knowledge for had they steered there the frail bark must inevitably have been upset and its crew washed by the receding torrent back to sea Harvey and Collins acknowledged their error at once and looked eagerly for Edward to say so to him but he had vanished the moment they had achieved a safe landing to Mr Hamiltons annoyance for he had not the least suspicion who he was and only longed to express if he could not otherwise evince his gratitude Collins and Grey refusing the smallest credit declaring that if it had not been for this young stranger officer of whom they knew nothing not even his name not a man would have stirred that for any fisherman or mere ordinary sailor to have guided the boat to and from the sinking vessel in such a sea was so impossible that no one would have attempted it old Collins ending with the superstition of his class by a declaration that his disappearance convinced his already more than suspicion that it was some good angel in a boys likeness for Arthur Hamilton would never have been permitted so to perish an explanation Mr Hamilton added laughingly that might suit his Emmy but was rather too fanciful for him However his young preserver was nowhere to be found but to his extreme astonishment and no little relief for now that he was so near home his anxiety to hear of all especially Ellen whom he scarcely dared hope to find alive became insupportable Mr Howard suddenly stood before him grasping both his hands without the power for a minute or two to speak Mr Hamilton overwhelmed him with questions scarcely giving him time to answer one before he asked another They had nearly reached the hotel when Captain Harveys bluff voice was heard exclaiming—
Here he is Mr Hamilton he is too exhausted to escape our thanks and blessings now What could the youngster have tried to hide himself for
But before Mr Hamilton could make any rejoinder save to grasp the young mans hands strongly in his own Mr Howard said eagerly—
Oblige me Captain Harvey take that boy into our hotel it is only just round the corner make him take off his dripping jacket and give him some of your sailors stuff He is not quite strong enough for his exertions tonight and should rest at once
Captain Harvey bore him off almost carrying him for exertion and a variety of emotions had rendered him faint and powerless
Do you know him Howard who and what is he But Mr Howard did not perhaps could not reply but hurried his friend on to the hotel and entered the room where having called for lights and all the ingredients of grogpunch which he vowed the boy should have instead of the brandy and water he had called for they found Edward trying to laugh and protesting against all coddling he was perfectly well and he would not go to bed and could not imagine what right Captain Harvey had to be a sailor if he thought so much of a storm and a blow and a wetting
Nor should I if you were sailorrigged but what business have you with this overgrown mast of a figure and a face pale and delicate as a womans
And so like his dying mother it was that Mr Hamilton stood for a moment on the threshold completely stupefied We leave our readers to imagine the rest and how Captain Harvey carried the seemingly marvelous news that the brave young officer was Mr Hamiltons own nephew over the town and in every fishermans hut in a miraculously short space of time
We may as well state here at once to save farther retrospection that Mr Hamilton by the active and admirable assistance of Morton had after a three months residence at Feroe perceived that he might return to England much sooner than he had at first anticipated still he did not like to mention even the probability of such a thing to his family till perfectly certain himself Morton never ceased persuading him to name a period for his return knowing the comfort it would be to his home but Mr Hamilton could not bear the idea of leaving his friend in his voluntary banishment so many months sooner than they had reckoned on When however the letters came from Oakwood detailing Edwards return and the discoveries thence proceeding his anxiety and let it be owned his extreme displeasure against his nephew prompted his return at once Morton not only conquered every objection to his immediate departure but tried and in some measure succeeded to soften his anger by bringing before him many points in Mr Howards letter showing real good and true repentance in the offender which a first perusal of a narrative of error had naturally overlooked The seas however were so fearfully tempestuous and the winds so adverse that it was impossible either to leave Feroe or get a letter conveyed to Scotland for a full fortnight after the Sirens last voyage Nothing but the extreme urgency of the case increased by the fact that the detention of the Siren at Wick had given Mr Hamilton a double packet of letters but the second though dated ten days later gave the same hopeless account of Ellen could have made him attempt a voyage home in such weather yet he felt he could not rest knowing intuitively the misery his wife must be enduring and scarcely able to bear even the thought of what seemed most probable that Ellen would be taken from her and the aggravated trial it would be The voyage was a terrible one for length and heavy gales More than once they wished to put into port that Mr Hamilton might continue his journey by land but their only safety seemed keeping out at sea the storm threatening to dash them on rock or shoal whenever in sight of land
By the time they reached the Lands End—they had come westward of England instead of eastward as they went—the vessel was in such a shattered and leaky condition that Captain Harvey felt and acknowledged she could not weather out another storm The calm that had followed the heavy gales gave hope to all even though the constant shiftings of the wind which was now not more than what in sailors parlance is called a catspaw prevented their making as much way as they desired At length they were within twenty miles of Dartmouth and not a doubt of their safety disturbed them until the darkening atmosphere the sullen rise and suppressed roar of the billows the wind sobbing and wailing at first and then bursting into that awful gale which we have before described banished every human hope at once The rudder snapped every halfhour the water gained upon the hold though every man worked the pumps There was not a shred of canvas but the masts and yards and stays bent and snapped like reeds before the blast To guide her was impossible she was driven on—on—till she struck on a reef of rock about a mile or less perhaps from Dartmouth Then came their signals of distress as a last lone hope for the crew of the Siren were all too good seamen to dare believe a boat could either be pushed off or live in such a sea Their wonder their hope their intense thankfulness when it was discovered may be imagined The rest is known
And how did you get this disfiguring blow my dear Edward inquired his aunt whose eyes it seemed would turn upon him as if impossible to connect that slight figure with such immense exertions—though some time had passed and a social happy breakfast round which all still lingered had enabled them to subdue too painful emotion and only to be conscious of the most deep and grateful joy
Pray do not call it disfiguring aunt I am quite proud of it Last night I could have dispensed with such a striking mark of affection from the poor Siren though I really hardly felt it except that the blood would trickle in my eye and almost blind me when I wanted all my sight and senses too But this morning Mr Howard has made such a kind fuss about it that I think it must be something grand
But what did you hide yourself for Ned demanded Emmeline all her high spirits recalled Her cousin hesitated and a flush mounted to his forehead
It was fear Emmeline absolute fear
Fear she repeated laughing of what of all the bogies and spirits of the winds and waves whose wrath you dared by venturing to oppose them Nonsense Edward you will never make me believe that
Because you do not know me he answered with startling earnestness How can your gentle nature understand the incongruities of mine or loving your father as you do and as he deserves comprehend the dread belief in his unpitying sternness to youthful error which from my childhood he held—he holds—my fate forgiveness or exposure and how could I meet him calmly Emmeline Emmeline if I had been but as morally brave as I may be physically I should have had nothing to dread nothing to hide As it is uncle Hamilton judge act decide as you would if I had not been the undeserved means of saving you—it will be the best for me and rising hurriedly he left the room before any one could reply
But you will forgive him papa you will try him again and I am sure he will be morally brave too pleaded Emmeline her sister and Miss Harcourt joining in the entreaty and belief and Mrs Hamilton looking in his face without uttering a word Mr Hamiltons answer seemed to satisfy all parties
Ellen meanwhile had awoke quite refreshed and all pain gone been dressed and conveyed to her daily quarters the events of the morning entirely unknown to her for though the joyful news spreading like wildfire through the house had reached Mrs Langfords ears and made her very happy she had quite judgment enough even without a message to the effect from her mistress to keep it from Ellen till carefully prepared
What can I say to my little Ellen for deserting her so long inquired Mrs Hamilton playfully as she entered her room about twelve oclock after a long private conversation with her husband
I wish you would tell me you had been lying down dear aunt it would satisfy me better than any other reason
Because you think it would do me the most good dearest But look at me and tell me if you do not think I must have been trying some equally efficacious remedy Ellen did look and so radiant was that kind face with happiness that she was startled
What has happened aunt Emmeline You have heard from my uncle she added her voice trembling What does he say—will he—
He says you must summon all your smiles to greet him love for he hopes to be with us very very shortly so you will not wonder at my joy
Ellen tried to sympathize in it but Mrs Hamilton soon saw that her perhaps near dread of what should be her uncles judgment on her brother and herself prevented all pleasurable anticipation of his arrival and that the only effectual way of removing it was to let them meet as soon as possible
CHAPTER XIII
FORGIVENESS
Three days after Mr Hamiltons arrival a cheerful party assembled in his wifes dressingroom which in its elegant appurtenances—signs as they were of a most refined and beautiful taste—certainly deserved a higher appellation but boudoir Percy had always declared did not harmonize at all with the old English comforts of Oakwood and he would not have a French word to designate his mothers room especially Ellen was on her sofa working Edward who she thought had only returned that morning at her side reading Caroline and Emmeline drawing the one with some degree of perseverance the other with none at all It seemed as if she could not sit still and her wild sallies and snatches of old songs repeatedly made Miss Harcourt look up from her book and Mrs Hamilton from her work surprised
Emmeline I can not draw exclaimed Caroline at length you are making the table as restless as yourself
Why can you not say it was moved by an irresistible sympathy It is most extraordinary that you will still speak plain matteroffact when I am doing all I can to make you poetical
But what am I to poetize on now Emmeline—the table or yourself because at present they are the only subjects under consideration and I really can not see any thing very poetical in either
Not even in me Lina archly replied Emmeline bending down so that her face should come before her sister instead of her copy which was a very pretty small marble figure Now if you were not the most determined piece of prose in the world you would find poetry even in my face
For lo the artist no more gazed
On features still and cold
He stood bewilderd and amazed
As living charms unfold
As if touchd by yon orient ray
The stone to life had warmd
For round the lip such bright smiles play
As never sculptor formd
There Caroline that is what you ought to have felt If I can make poetry on my own face—
Poetry on yourself Why Emmeline I thought you were repeating a verse of some old poet with which I am unacquainted I really beg your pardon I did not know your favorite Muse had dubbed you follower as well as worshiper
Nor did I till this moment She feared for her reputation near such a love of prose as you are and so touched me with inspiration I am exceedingly obliged to her but even if I failed to make you poetical Caroline you might have emulated Cowper and instead of singing the Sofa sung the Table Indeed I think a very pretty poem might be made of it Look at the variety of tasteful and useful things laid on a table—and there it stands in the midst of them immovable cold insensible just like one on whom we heap favors upon favors and who remains so wrapped in self as to be utterly indifferent to all Now Caroline put that into rhyme or blank verse if you prefer it it is a new idea at least
So new replied her sister laughing that I think I will send it to Percy and request him to turn it into a Greek or Latin ode it will be so much grander than my English version You have so astonished mamma Emmeline by your mad mood that she has actually put down her work
I am so glad replied Emmeline springing to her mothers side I like other people to be as idle as myself
But there is a medium in all things young lady answered her mother halfgravely half in Emmelines own tone and I rather think your conscience is telling you that it is not quite right to desert one Muse for another as you are doing now
Oh but my drawing must wait till her Muse inspires me again Poetry does not always come and her visits are so delightful
Then I am afraid you will think me very harsh Emmeline but delightful as they are I must not have them always encouraged If you encourage the idea of only working when the fit of inspiration comes upon you—in plain words only when you feel inclined—you will fritter life away without one solid thought or acquirement You think now perhaps habituated as you are to employment that this is impossible but you are just of an age to demand very strict watchfulness over yourself to prevent it Now that you are emerging from the routine of childhoods lessons and too old to be compelled to do that which is right and—rendering your task of control more difficult—more susceptible to poetry and what you term inspiration than ever you must try and infuse a little of Carolines steady matteroffact into your poetry instead of almost despising it as so cold and disagreeable Now do not look so very sad and so very serious love and jump at the conclusion that I am displeased because I speak seriously I love your joyousness far too dearly to check it or wish you to do so especially in your own family but just as you have learned the necessity of and evinced so well and so feelingly control in emotions of sorrow my Emmeline so I am quite sure you will trust my experience and practice control even in the pleasant inspiration of poetry and joy
Emmeline sat very quiet for several minutes she was just in that mood of extreme hilarity which renders control excessively difficult and causes the least check upon it to be felt as harsh and unkind and almost to bring tears She was not too perfect to escape from feeling all this even though the person who had caused it was the mother she so dearly loved but she did not give way to it A few minutes hard struggle and the momentary temper was so conquered that with an even more than usually warm kiss she promised to think quite seriously on all her mother said and an effort far more difficult was just as joyous as before
I have made so many mistakes in my drawing mamma I really do not think I can go on with it today do let me help you I will take such pains with my work it shall be almost as neat as yours and then though my fingers are employed at least I may go on talking
Mrs Hamilton assented telling her she might talk as much as she pleased with one of those peculiar smiles of approval which ever made Emmelines heart throb for they always told her that the thoughts and feelings and secret struggle with temper which she imagined must be known only to herself her mother by some mysterious power had discovered and rewarded
Edward what are you so deep in—Fragments of Voyages and Travels—I thought it was something much deeper than that by the deep attention you are giving it You should dip in oceans not in fragments of water Ned
I did not feel inclined for the exertion he replied smiling
Do you know she continued when I first read that book which I did merely because I had a lurking sort of affection for a handsome cousin of mine who was a sailor I was so charmed with the tricks you all played in the cockpit that I was seized with a violent desire to don a middys dress and come after you it would have made such a pretty story too but I did not think mamma and papa would quite approve of it so I desisted Should I not make a very handsome boy Edward
So handsome he replied again smiling that I fear you would not have preserved your incognita half an hour especially with those flowing curls
My dear Emmeline do tell me what has made you in this mood asked Ellen last week you were so sad and the last three days you have been—
Wild enough to frighten you Ellen ah if you did but know the reason
You had better satisfy her curiosity Emmy said Mrs Hamilton so meaningly that Emmelines ready mind instantly understood her Tell her all that did occur in that awful storm three days ago as poetically and lengthily as you like no one shall interrupt you if you will only be very careful not to exaggerate or alarm
Edward gave up his seat to his cousin and Emmeline launched at once into a most animated description of the storm and the shipwreck and the rescue cleverly contriving so to hide all names as to elude the least suspicion of either the preserved or the preserver having any thing to do with herself Ellen becoming so exceedingly interested as to lose sight of the question which at first had struck her what this could have to do with Emmelines wild spirits
You do not mean to say it was his own father he saved she said as her cousin paused a minute to take breath your tale is becoming so like a romance Emmy I hardly know how to believe it
I assure you it is quite true only imagine what my young heros feelings must have been and those of the family to whom he gave back a husband and a father
I should think them so intense so sacred as to be hardly joy at first and scarcely possible to be imagined even by your vivid fancy Emmy
I dont know Ellen but I think I can imagine them you may shake your head and look wise but I will prove that I can byandby But what do you think of my hero
That I should like to know him and admire him quite as much as you can desire—and who told you all this
One of the principal actors in the scene
What has your penchant for any thing out of the common way reached Dartmouth and old Collins brought you the tale
No replied Emmeline laughing guess again
William Grey
No
One of the rescued crew who may know my aunt
Wrong again Ellen
Then I can not guess Emmeline so pray tell me
You are very silly Ellen were not Mr Howard and Edward both at Dartmouth at the time why did you not guess them Not that I had it from either
Edward repeated Ellen did he know any thing about it
More than any one else dearest answered Mrs Hamilton cautiously but fondly put all Emmelines strange tale together and connect it with my happiness the other morning and I think your own heart will explain the rest
More especially with this speaking witness continued Emmeline playfully putting back Edwards hair that Ellen might see the scar She understood it in a moment and clasping her arms round her brothers neck as he knelt by her tried hard to prevent emotion but could not and burst into tears
Tears my little Ellen I said I would only be greeted with smiles exclaimed a rich deep voice close beside her and before she had time to fear his presence she felt herself clasped with all a fathers fondness in her uncles arms her head resting on his shoulder and his warm kiss on her cheek
Edward was the only word she could speak
Do not fear for him my dear Ellen true repentance and a firm resolution to amend are all I ask and if his future conduct really prove them the errors of his youth shall be forgotten as if they had never been
And—and—
I know all you would say my dear child I did think there could be no excuse no palliation for your sin but even if I still wish the temptation had been resisted you have indeed suffered for it more than the harshest judgment could desire let it be forgotten as entirely and as fully as it is forgiven
In a very few minutes Ellens composure was so fully restored and her heavy dread so subsided that the relief seemed to her almost a dream Could it be possible that it was the relative she had pictured as so harsh and stern and pitiless to youthful error who had drawn a chair close by her sofa and caressingly holding her hand in his and looking so kindly so earnestly in her altered face was trying to amuse her by telling her so many entertaining things about Feroe and Mr Morton and his voyage home and alluding to her brothers courage and prudence and skill in such terms as almost brought the tears again Mr Hamilton was inexpressibly shocked at the change which mental and bodily suffering had wrought in his niece There is always something peculiarly touching and appealing to the best emotions in youthful sorrow or suffering of any kind and her trial had been such an aggravated one—combining such agonized remorse for an act which the harshest judgment knowing all points of the case could scarcely pronounce as other than involuntary with the most heroic but perfectly unconscious selfsacrifice and not only terror for her brothers fate but an almost crushing sense of misery for his faults that the pallid face and frame so delicately fragile had still deeper claims for sympathy and cherishing than even when caused by ordinary illness The loss of her unusually luxuriant hair except the soft bands which shaded her face visible under the pretty little lace cap made her look much younger than she really was and so delicately transparent had become her complexion that the blue veins were clearly traceable on her forehead and throat and hands the dark soft lash seemed longer than before as it swept the pale cheek the brow more penciled and the eye whether in imagination from her friends knowing all she had endured or in reality was so expressive of such deep quiet feeling that the whole countenance was so altered and so improved that it seemed as if the heavy sallow child was rapidly changing into one of those sweet lovable heartattracting girls who without any actual beauty can never be passed unnoticed
At Ellens request Mrs Hamilton had as soon as she was strong enough read with her morning and evening the devotional exercises which were read below to the assembled family Mrs Hamilton soon perceived and with no little pain that Ellen shrunk from the idea of being well enough to rejoin them in actual suffering Here again was an effect of that same vivid imagination of whose existence until the late events in one so quiet seemingly so cold Mrs Hamilton had not the least idea of Ellen had been so long accustomed to be silent as to her feelings in fact carefully to conceal them that much as she might wish and intend to be unreserved her aunt feared it would cause her some difficulty to be so and she could not hope to succeed in controlling imagination unless she were That night however Ellens unreserved confidence gave her hope When the devotional exercises in which she had joined with even more than usual earnestness and fervor were concluded she said with almost Emmelines confidence as she laid her hand on her aunts—
I am so very very happy tonight dear aunt that I am afraid I do not think enough of what is past I did so dread my uncles return—so tremble at what his sentence would be on Edward and myself that even your kindness would not remove the weight and now that I have found it all so groundless and he is so kind—so indulgent I am so relieved that I fear I must have thought more of his anger than the anger of God My sin remains the same in His sight though you and uncle Hamilton have so fully forgiven it and—and—I do not think I ought to feel so happy
Indeed my dear Ellen I think you may Our Heavenly Father is still more merciful than man as Mr Howard so clearly proved to you in the long conversation you had with him We know by His Holy Word that all he asks is sincere repentance for sin and a firm conviction that in Him only we are made sufficiently righteous for our penitence to be accepted I believe Ellen that His forgiveness was yours long before I could give you mine for He could read your heart and saw the reason of your silence and all the remorse and suffering which from the appearances against you I might not even guess and that in His compassionating love and pity He permitted your increased trial ordaining even the failure of the relief to Edward to convince you that not even in such a fearful case as yours might error however involuntary prosper I can trace His loving providence even in the fact of your finding one more note than you wanted that discovery might thence come which without such a seeming chance was humanly speaking impossible He has shown compassion and love for you and Edward in the very sufferings He ordained So do not check your returning happiness fearing it must be unacceptable to Him Try to trace all things either of joy or sorrow to Him Associate Him with your every thought and believe me my own Ellen your very happiness will both draw you nearer to Him and be an acceptable offering in his sight
Ellen listened eagerly gratefully she felt as if with every word Mrs Hamilton said the film of doubt and vague fancies was dissolving from her mind and after a short pause she said—
Then you do not think aunt Emmeline my inability to pray for so long a time was a proof that God had utterly forsaken me It made me still more wretched for I thought it was a sure sign that I was so irredeemably wicked He had left me to the devices of my own heart and would never love or have mercy on me again Even after you had quite forgiven me and proved to me my promise was a mistaken one and not binding I still felt the difficulty to pray and it was so painful
Such inability is very often so entirely physical my dear Ellen that we must not think too much about it Our simple duty is to persevere however little satisfactory our devotions and put our firm trust in our heavenly Father that He will heal us and permit His countenance so to shine upon us again as to derive comfort from our prayers Your inability before your illness was the natural consequence of Mr Howards severe representations which he has since assured me he never would have used if he could have had the least idea of the cause of your silence You my poor child were suffering too much from a complete chaos of conflicting feelings and duties to be able to realize this and I am not at all astonished that when you most yearned for the comfort of prayer and trust the thought that by your silence you were failing in your duty to me and so disobeying God should utterly have prevented it Since your severe illness the inability has been entirely physical As strength and peace return you will regain the power and realize all its comfort Try and under all feelings trust in and love God and do not be too much elated when you can think seriously and pray joyfully nor too desponding when both fail you In our present state physical causes alone so often occasion these differences of feeling in hours of devotion that if we thought too much about them we should constantly think wrong and be very miserable Try and prove your desire to love and serve God in your daily conduct and secret thoughts my Ellen and you will be able to judge of your spiritual improvement by action and feeling far more truly and justly than by the mood in which you pray
The earnestness of truth and feeling was always so impressed on Mrs Hamiltons manner whenever she addressed her youthful charge that her simplest word had weight Happy indeed is it when youth—that season of bewildering doubt and question and vivid often mistaken fancies and too impetuous feeling—has the rich blessing of such affectionate counsels such a friend Why will not woman rise superior to the petty employments and feelings too often alone attributed to her and endeavor to fit herself for such a thrice blessed mission and by sympathy with young enjoyments—young hopes—young feelings so attract young affections that similar counsels similar experiences may so help and guide that the restless mind and eager heart quiesce into all the calm deep beautiful characteristics which so shine forth in the true English wife—the true English mother
A fortnight after Mr Hamiltons arrival Ellen was well enough to go down stairs for part of the day and even to read and write a little She was so very anxious to recommence her studies which for many months had been so painfully neglected that it was a great trial to her to find her head was not yet strong enough for the necessary application There were many very many privations and trials attendant on convalescence after so severe an illness known only to Ellens own heart and to her aunts quick sympathy and she very quickly learned in them the meaning of Mrs Hamiltons words regarding religion in conduct and feeling as well as in prayer She tried never to murmur or dwell on the wish for pleasures which were denied her but to think only on the many blessings which surrounded her It was not an easy task so to conquer natural feeling especially as the trial and its conquest was often known only to herself but the earnest wish indeed to become holy in daily conduct as well as in daily prayer never left her mind and so enabled her at length fully to obtain it
If Mrs Hamilton had wanted evidence of her husbands public as well as domestic worth she would have had it fully now His danger and his preservation once known letters of regard and congratulation poured upon him and Montrose Grahame made a journey down to Oakwood expressly to welcome back and express his individual gratitude for his friends safety to his youthful preserver But Edward so shrunk from praise or admiration that his uncle rejoicing at the feeling would not press him as he had first intended to accompany him to Oxford where he went to see his sons Percy rated him soundly in a letter for not coming Herbert seemed as if he could only think of his fathers danger and thank God for his safety and for permitting Edward to be the means So great was the desire of Mr and Mrs Hamilton to reassemble all their happy family once more before Edward left them that the young men made an exception to their general rule and promised to spend Easter week at home It was early in March and anticipated by the home party with the greatest delight
CHAPTER XIV
THE RICH AND THE POOR
We have had such a delightful excursion mamma Ellen how I do wish you could have been with us joyously exclaimed Emmeline as she ran into the usual sitting room one of those lovely afternoons that the first days of March so often bring promising spring long before she really comes It is such a picturesque cottage and Dame Collins and Susan and a host of little ones look so nice and so clean and so pretty and happy it does ones heart good to look at them
Are you sure you can not find another adjective to apply to them Emmy You have heaped so many together that it is a pity you can not find a few more
But they really do look so comfortable and are so grateful for all you and papa have done for them Emmelines description for once is not too flowing rejoined the quieter Caroline who had followed her sister into the room
And were they pleased with your visit asked Ellen
Oh delighted particularly at our making their pretty little parlor our diningroom and remaining so long with them that they could show us all their comforts and conveniences without any bustle
Mrs Collins is really a sensible woman Do you not think so mamma inquired Caroline
Yes my dear She has brought up her own large family and her poor orphan grandchildren so admirably in the midst of their extreme poverty and bears such a name for kindness among her still poorer neighbors that I truly respect and admire her She is quite one of those in whom I have often told you some of the very loftiest virtues are to be found and yet to see her as she trudges about in her homely humble fashion never dreaming she is doing or has done any thing remarkable in her hardworking life who would suspect it
Only look Ellen how beautifully our collection will be increased continued Emmeline who just at that moment was only alive to pleasure not to contemplation even of goodness in which she much delighted and pouring into her cousins lap a basket of beautiful shells and other marine treasures Papa has just given us a new cabinet in time though he only thought of it as a place for his Feroe curiosities To think of his remembering our tastes even there
But where did you get these from
Why the children were playing with some which were so perfect I could not help admiring them and Mrs Collins was in a bustle of pleasure that I liked any thing so trifling because she could gratify me and she made me take all these adding that her good man would be sure to look out for some more for us for when I told her they not only pleased me but my poor invalid cousin who was Edwards sister you should have seen how her eyes sparkled
Oh you have quite won the dames heart Emmy said Miss Harcourt What with talking to her and to Susan and playing with every one of the children and making them tell you all their plays and their schooling and then gathering you a nosegay telling them it should adorn your room at home
And so it shall gayly interrupted Emmeline I desired Robert to put them in water directly for they were very pretty and I like them better than the best bouquet from our greenhouse
I do not quite agree with you Emmeline said Caroline smiling
Not you Lina who ever thought you would bytheby I never saw you so agreeable and natural in a poor mans cottage in my life What were you saying to Dame Collins actually holding her hand and something very bright shining in your eye
Dear Emmy do not run on so whispered Ellen as she noticed Carolines cheek crimson Emmeline was at her side in a moment with an arm round her neck
Caroline dear forgive me I did not mean to tease you only it was unusual was it not
I was trying to tell Mrs Collins all I thought of her husbands share in saving our dear father Emmy I forgot all of folly and pride then
You are very seldom proud now dearest Lina and I was the foolish one not to have guessed what you were saying with out tormenting you Mamma do you know I have such an admirable plan in my head
First tell mamma interrupted Caroline that William Grey has chosen to be a partner with Collins in the more extended fishing and boating business which papa has secured them instead of entering into business by himself this has been settled since you were there I think
Yes my dear I did not know it but Mrs Collins must like it for she regretted very much that her sons were all scattered in different trades and her little grandson whose taste pointed to the sea was not old enough to go out with his grandfather
But only listen to my plan mamma dear William Grey and Susan Collins can not possibly see much of each other without falling in love and they will make such an industrious pretty couple and papa will give them a cottage to themselves and I will go to their wedding
Just such a plan as I should expect from your giddy brain Emmy But how do you know that Grey has any desire for a wife
Oh because Edward said he could not help remarking even in the midst of that awful scene how mournfully he said he would bear a hand for he had neither mother sister nor wife to pipe for him now if he married Susan he would have a very pretty wife to lament him
Poor Susan I fancy she would rather not become his wife if it be only to mourn for him Emmy rather a novel reason for a marriage certainly
Oh but mamma dear you know that I dont mean exactly and only that somebody to be interested for and love him No one can be happy without that
Susan was telling me mamma how thankful she is to you for finding her and her sister employment that they might be able to help the family rejoined Caroline I was quite pleased with her manner of speaking and she blushed so prettily when Miss Harcourt praised the extreme neatness of her work
Ah mamma if you could but hear all they say of you again burst forth Emmeline who it seemed could not be quiet going from one subject to another with the same eager zest if you had but heard the old dame tell her astonishment and her pride when she saw you enter their former miserable hut and sitting down on an old seachest invite her to tell and listened to all her troubles just as if you had been her equal and left such comfort and such hope behind you as had not been theirs for many a long day She actually cried when she spoke and so did I because she spoke so of my mother Oh mother darling how proud your children ought to be to belong to one so beloved so revered by the poor and the rich too as you are
Flatterer playfully answered Mrs Hamilton laying her hand caressingly on her childs mouth as she knelt in sport before her I will not bear such praise even from you Believe me darling to win love and respect is so easy so delightful that there is no merit in obtaining it We ought only to be thankful when granted such a station and such influence as will permit extended usefulness and thought for others without wronging our own
Yes but mamma many people do a great deal of good but somehow or other they are not beloved
Because perhaps in their earnest desire to accomplish a great deal of good they may not think quite enough of little things and of the quick sympathy with other persons feelings which is the real secret of winning love and without which sometimes even the greatest benefit is not valued as it ought to be But did you see old Collins himself
He came in just before we left and was so delighted to see papa sitting in his inglenook and only wished Edward had been there too
And where is your father asked Mrs Hamilton Did he not return with you
Yes but Edward wanted him and they are in the library I am quite certain there is some conspiracy between them these long private interviews bode no good I shall scold papa for being so mysterious said Emmeline
I rather think he will return the benefit by scolding you for being so curious Emmy But here is Edward so the interview today has not been very long
Has papa been telling you old Collins naval news Ned And without waiting for an answer she continued that there is a fine seventyfour the Sea Queen preparing at Plymouth to take the place of your old ship and send back Sir Edward Manly and the Prince William Now do not tell me you know this Edward and so disappoint me of the rare pleasure of telling news
I am sorry Emmy but I have known it for some weeks
And why did you not tell us
Because I did not think it would particularly interest you until I could add other intelligence to it He stopped and looked alternately at Mrs Hamilton and Ellen as if asking the former whether he might proceed
And can you do so now my dear Edward she replied understanding him at once Ellen is too anxious for your advancement to expect or wish you always to remain with her Have you your appointment
Yes aunt My uncles letter to the admiralty brought an answer at last It came while he was out and has been tantalizing me on the librarytable for four hours But it is all right As the Prince William is returning and I am so anxious to be still in active service I am permitted though somewhat against rule to have a berth in the Sea Queen I am sure it is all uncle Hamiltons representations and I am so thankful so glad
To leave us all again you unfeeling savage exclaimed Emmeline trying to laugh off the universal regret at this announcement Ellen had looked earnestly at her brother all the time he spoke and then turned her face away and a few quiet tears trickled down her cheek Edwards arm was very quickly round her and he whispered so many fond words and earnest assurances united with his conviction that it would still be a whole month perhaps more before he should be summoned as he had leave to remain with his family till the Sea Queen was ready to sail that she rallied her spirits and after remaining very quiet for an hour which was always her custom when she had had any struggle with herself for the frame felt it—though neither word nor sign betrayed it—she was enabled fully to enjoy the grand delight of the evening—Percys and Herberts arrival
Easter week was indeed one of family joy and thankfulness not only that they were all permitted once more to be together but that the heavy clouds of sin and suffering had rolled away from their roof and pleasure of the sweetest and most enduring because most domestic kind reigned triumphant Percys astonishment at Edwards growth and the alteration from the handsome joyous rosy boy to the pale almost careworn looking youth for as long as Ellen bore such vivid traces of all she had endured for his sake and was as it were the constant presence of his errors Edward tried in vain to recover his former spirits was most amusing
You are all deceived he would declare one of these days you will discover you have been receiving a spurious Edward Fortescue and that he is as much a pretender as his namesake Charles Edward
Then he is no pretender Percy He is as truly the son of Colonel Fortescue as Prince Charles was the grandson of James Now dont begin a civil contest directly you come home you know you and I never do agree on historical subjects and we never shall you hate Mary the great great great grandmother of Prince Charles and I love her so we must be always at war
Stuartmad as usual Tiny but if that really be Edward I wish he would just look a boy again I dont like the change at all poor fellow he added to himself it is not much wonder
The days passed much too quickly Emmeline wished a dozen times that the days would be twentyfour instead of twelve hours long The weather was so genial that it added to enjoyment and allowed Ellen the delight known only to such prisoners to sickness as she had been of driving out for an hour or two at a time and taking gentle walks on the terrace and in the garden The young men were to return on the Monday and of the Saturday previous a little excursion had been planned to which the only drawback was that Ellen was not quite strong enough to accompany them it was to visit Alice Seaton whom we mentioned in a former chapter Mr Hamilton had succeeded in finding her brother a lucrative employment with a lawyer in one of the neighboring towns a few miles from where she and her aunt now lived enabling young Seaton to spend every Sabbath with them and Alice now kept a girls school on her own account and conducted herself so well as never to want scholars It had been a long promise to go and see her the drive from Oakwood being also most beautiful and as she and her brother were both at home and at leisure the last day in Easter it had been fixed upon for the visit Percy was reveling in the idea of driving his mother and Miss Harcourt in a new barouche and the rest of the party were to go on horse back But a dispute had arisen who should stay with Ellen and Edward insisted upon it it was his right and so they thought it was agreed
I wish dear Percy you would prevail on Edward to accompany you pleaded Ellen fancying herself alone with him not seeing Herbert who was reading at a distant table
I wish dear Ellen you were going with us he answered mimicking her tone
But as I can not make him go It always makes him more unhappy when I am prevented any pleasure than it does myself and I can not bear to keep him by me four or five hours when this lovely day and the exercise of riding and above all your company Percy would make him at least for the time almost his own merry self again
Thanks for the implied compliment cousin mine replied Percy with a low bow
Reward me for it and make him go
How can I be so ungallant as to make him leave you alone
Oh I do not mind it I assure you I am well enough to amuse myself now I can not bear you all giving up so many pleasures as you have done for me I am so afraid of getting selfish
You selfish Ellen I wish you were a little more so you are the most patient devoted little creature that ever took womans form You have made me reproach myself enough I can tell you and I owe you a grudge for doing so
Dear Percy what can you mean If you knew how hard I find it to be patient sometimes you would not praise me
I mean that the last time I was at home I was blind and cruel and added to your sufferings by my uncalledfor harshness and never had an opportunity till this moment to say how grieved I was—when the truth was known
Pray do not say any thing about it dear Percy entreated his cousin the tears starting to her eyes as he kissed her warmly it was only just and natural that you should have felt indignant with me for causing aunt Emmeline so much misery and alloying all the enjoyment of your holidays I am sure you need not reproach yourself but will you make Edward go
If it really will oblige you Ellen but I do not half like it And he was going very reluctantly when he met Herbert
You need not go Percy he said smiling my ungracious cousin would not depute me as her messenger but I made myself such and so successfully that Edward will go Ellen
Dear Herbert how can I thank you enough he will be so much happier with you all
Not with me said Herbert archly for I remain in his place
You repeated Ellen surprised indeed dear Herbert it must not be I shall do very well alone
Ungracious still Ellen what if I have been looking all the morning for some excuse to stay at home without owning to my mother the truth—that I do not feel today quite equal to riding If your looks were as ungracious as your words I would run away from you into my own room but as they are rather more gratifying to my selflove we will send them all away and enjoy our own quiet pleasures and your little drive together Nell
Whatever Ellen might have said to convince him she could be happy alone the beaming look of pleasure on her countenance satisfied all parties as to the excellence of this arrangement and happy indeed the day was Herbert seemed to understand her unexpressed feelings so fully and that always makes the charm of conversation whatever its subject We do not require the expression in words of sympathy—it is an indescribable something that betrays its existence Favorite authors—and Herbert was almost surprised at Ellens dawning taste and judgment in literature—the delights of nature after a long confinement as if every flower were more sweet every bit of landscape or wood or water more beautiful and the many holy thoughts and pure joys springing from such feelings were all discussed either cosily in their sittingroom or in their ramble in the garden and after Ellens early dinner which Herbert shared with her as lunch she proposed what she knew he would like that her drive should be to Greville Manor and they might spend a full hour with their friends and yet be back in time Herbert assented gladly and the warm welcome they received Mrs Grevilles kind care of Ellen and Marys eager chat with her and Herbert and the number of things they seemed to find to talk about made the hour literally fly but Herbert enjoyable as it was did not forget his charge and drove her back to Oakwood while the sun still shone bright and warmly and when the party returned which they did only just in time to dress for dinner and in the wildest spirits the balance of pleasure at home and abroad would certainly have been found quite equal
Ellen still continued quietly to lie down in her own room while the family were at dinner for she was then sufficiently refreshed to join them for a few hours in the evening Percy and Emmeline at dinner that day kept up such a fire of wit and mirth that it was somewhat difficult for any one else to edge in a word though Edward and Caroline did sometimes contrive to bring a whole battery against themselves Just as the dessert was placed on the table however sounds of rural music in the distance advancing nearer and nearer caused Percy to pause in his wild sallies and spring with Edward to the window and their exclamations soon compelled all the party to follow their example and send for Ellen to see the unexpected sight too Banners and pennons floated in the sunshine and the greater part of the nautical inhabitants of Dartmouth were marshaled in goodly array beside them headed by Captain Harvey and his crew with old Collins in the midst of them they were all attired in the new clothing which Mr Hamilton had presented to them and a fine picture Percy declared old Collinss head would make with his weatherbeaten honestspeaking face the very peculiar curls in which his really yellow hair was twisted and the quid of tobacco from which even on this grand occasion he could not relieve his mouth and cheek A band of young men and girls surrounded the first banner which adorned with large bunches of primroses and violets up the staff bore the words Hamilton and benevolence and among them Emmeline speedily recognized William Grey and Susan Collins walking side by side she looking down and smiling and he so earnestly talking that she whispered to her mother with the greatest glee that her plan would take place after all Then came a band of sturdy fishermen chums and messmates of Collins and then a band of boys and girls from all Mr Hamiltons own village schools decked in their holiday attire and holding in their hands tasteful garlands of all the spring flowers they could muster and bearing two large banners one with the words Fortescue forever All hail to British sailors and the other a representation of the scene on the beach that eventful night and the sinking vessel in the distance The workmanship was rude indeed but the effect so strikingly descriptive that Mrs Hamilton actually shuddered as she gazed and grasped almost unconsciously the arm of her nephew as he stood by her as if the magnitude of the danger both to him and her husband had never seemed so vivid before
The windows of the diningroom had been thrown widely open and as the rustic procession came in sight of those to whom their whole hearts tendered homage they halted the music ceased and cheer on cheer resounded till the very echoes of the old park were startled out of their sleep and sent the shout back again Percy was among them in a moment singling out old Collins whom he had tried repeatedly to see since his visit home but never found him and grasped and shook both his hands with the full vehemence of his character pouring out the first words that chose to come which better expressed his grateful feelings to the old man than the most studied speech William Grey had already received substantial proofs of his gratitude and so he had then only a kind nod and a joke and look at the pretty blushing Susan which said a vast deal to both and seemed as if he quite seconded Emmelines plan Mingling joyously with all he had bluff words after their own hearts for the men smiles for the maidens and such wild jokes for the children as lost them all decorum and made them shout aloud in their glee Herbert seconded him quite as well as his quieter nature would allow Edward had hung back even when his name was called out lustily as if he could not bear such homage
Join them my boy their humble pleasure will not be half complete without you whispered Mrs Hamilton earnestly for she guessed his thoughts Remember only at this moment the large amount of happiness you have been permitted to call forth Do not underrate a deed which all must admire because of some sad thoughts rather resolve—as you can and have resolved—that the alloy shall be burned away and the true metal alone remain for my sake to whom you have given such happiness dear Edward
The cloud dispersed from brow and heart in a moment and he was in the midst of them glad and buoyant almost as Percy while the cheer which greeted him was almost overpowering to his sister so much humble yet earnest feeling did it speak
You really should have given us timely notice of your intentions my good friend said Mr Hamilton warmly grasping Captain Harveys hand At least we might have provided some substantial refreshment after your long march as I fear we have but slender fare to offer you though Ellis and Morris are busy already I am happy to see
And urged on by their own delight at this homage both to their master and his young preserver who had become a complete idol among them a long table was speedily laid in the servants hall covered with a variety of cold meats and bread and cheese in abundance and horns of cider sparkling brightly beside each trencher Fruit and cakes eagerly sought for by Emmeline were by her distributed largely to the children who remained variously grouped on the lawn their glee at the treat heightened by the sweet and gentle manner of its bestowal
Captain Harvey and his mate Mr Hamilton entertained himself introducing them to his family and especially Ellen who as the sister of Edward found herself regarded with an interest that surprised her Percy brought in old Collins and Grey both of whom had expressed such a wish to see any one so nearly belonging to the brave young sailor and her manner of receiving and returning their greeting thanking them for the help they had so efficiently given her brother made them still prouder and happier than before After an hour and a half of thorough enjoyment—for their humble homage to worth and goodness had been received in the same spirit as it had been tendered—the procession marshaled itself in the same order as it had come and rude as the music was it sounded as Emmeline declared really beautiful becoming fainter and fainter in the distance and quite picturesque the effect of the banners and pennons as they gleamed in and out the woody windings of the park both music and procession softened in the mild lovely twilight of the season
CHAPTER XV
A HOME SCENE AND A PARTING
Caroline Emmeline come to the musicroom for pitys sake and give me some delicious harmony exclaimed Percy as soon as lights came and the excitement of the last two hours had a little subsided Sit quiet—unless I have some amusement for my ears—I neither can nor will I will have some music to lull my tired senses and a waltz to excite my wearied frame
And rest your limbs said Edward dryly
Dont you know master sailor that when fatigued with one kind of exercise the best rest is to take another Now I have been standing up playing the agreeable for two mortal hours and I mean to have a waltz to bring back the stagnant circulation and to be pleased for the fatigue of pleasing Caroline and Emmeline away with you both Ellen love I will only ask you to come with us and be pleased too Be off Edward no one shall be my cousins cavalier but myself Herbert has had her all day Take my mother if you like Father escort Miss Harcourt Thats all right as it always is when I have my own way
His own way this time gave universal satisfaction The talents of his sisters has been so cultivated as a means of enhancing homehappiness and increasing their own resources that their musical evenings were always perfect enjoyment Caroline indeed improved as she was still retained her love of admiration sufficiently to find still greater enjoyment in playing and singing when there were more to listen to her than merely her own family but the feeling in the security and pure atmosphere of Oakwood was kept under control and she could find real pleasure in gratifying her brothers though not quite to the same extent as Emmeline
Percy after comfortably settling Ellen threw himself on the most luxurious chair that he could find stretched out his legs placed his head in what he called the best position for listening and enjoying and then called for duets on the harp and piano single pieces on both and song after song with the most merciless rapidity
Your sisters shall neither play nor sing to you any more his mother at length laughingly said unless you rouse yourself from this disgracefully idle fit and take your flute and join them
Mother you are lost to every sensation of mercy after all my exertions where am I to find breath
You have had plenty of time to rest you lazy fellow letting your sisters fatigue themselves without remorse and refusing your share expostulated Edward Caroline Emmeline take my advice and strike dont play another note
You young rebel teaching my sisters to revolt against the authority of such an important person as myself However I will be condescending for once Tiny theres a love fetch me my flute
It was so very close to him as he approached the piano that his sister comically took his hand and placed it on it and two or three very pretty trios were performed Percy declared with professional éclat
Now dont go Percy we want your voice in a song Emmy sing that pretty one to your harp that we wish papa so much to hear Percy and I will join when wanted
Caroline I have not the genius to sing at sight
Oh you have often and the words will inspire you Come Herbert we want you too Edwards singing voice has deserted him or I should enlist him also Emmeline what are you waiting for
I can not sing it dear Caroline do not ask me answered Emmeline with a confusion and timidity which at home were perfectly incomprehensible
Why my little Emmy I am quite curious to hear this new song do not disappoint me said her father encouragingly
But after Caroline I can not sing worth hearing still pleaded Emmeline
My dear child I never heard you make such a foolish excuse before your mother and myself never find any difference in the pleasure that listening to your music bestows however one performer may be more naturally gifted than the other
I declare I must sing it if it be only for the mystery of Tinys refusing said Percy laughing Come Bertie—a MS too—what a trial for ones nerves
The words however seemed sufficiently satisfactory for them readily to join in it Emmeline still hesitated almost painfully but then gathering courage she sat down to her harp and without any notes before her played a few bars of one of those sweet thrilling Irish melodies so suited to her instrument and then commenced her song the sweetness of her voice and clearness of articulation atoning well for her deficiency in the power and brilliancy which characterized her sister The words were exceedingly simple but sung with deep feeling and heartappealing as they were from the subject we hope our readers will judge them as leniently as Emmelines hearers
EMMELINES SONG
Joy joy No more shall sorrow cloud
The home by Love enshrined
The hearts in Cares cold fetters bowd
Now loveliest flowers have twined
And doveeyed Peace with brooding wing
Hath made her dwelling here
And Hope and Love sweet incense fling
To welcome and endear
He has returnd—and starless night
No longer oer us lowers
Joy joy The future is all bright
With rosyblossomd hours
What gladness with our Father fled
What gladness Hell restore
He has returnd through perils dread
To bless his own once more
Joy joy Oh let our voices raise
Their glad and grateful lay
And pour forth thanksgiving and praise
That grief hath passed away
That he was snatched from storm and wave
To dry pale Sorrows tear
Restored his home from woe to save—
Oh welcome Father dear
Emmelines voice had at first trembled audibly but seeming to derive courage from her sister and brothers accompaniment which from their knowledge of music was so beautifully modulated as to permit her sweet voice to be heard above all and every word clearly distinguished it became firmer and more earnest as she continued till she forgot every thing but the subject of her song For full a minute there was silence as she ceased but with an irresistible impulse Mr Hamilton rose from his seat and as Emmeline left her harp he clasped her in his arms
How can I thank you my Emmeline and all my children for this fond greeting he exclaimed with more emotion than he generally permitted to be visible Where could you find such appropriate words What tears my little girl he added as completely overcome by the excitement of her song and her fathers praise Emmeline most unexpectedly burst into tears What business have they to come when you have given your parents nothing but pleasure Drive them away love what still no smile We must appeal to mammas influence then to explain and soothe them
Where did you get them Tiny explain for I am positively faint from curiosity comically demanded Percy as Emmeline breaking from her father sat down on her favorite stool at her mothers feet and hid her face in her lap Mrs Hamilton laid her hand caressingly on those soft curls but though she smiled she did not speak
She will not tell and you will none of you guess said Caroline laughing
You are in the secret so out with it said Edward
Not I I am pledged to silence
Mother dear tell us for pity pleaded Herbert
I can only guess for I am not in her confidence I assure you she replied in the same playful tone and raising Emmelines lowered head she looked a moment in those conscious eyes Dictated by my Emmelines affectionate little heart they were found in this pretty shape in the recesses of her own fanciful brain—is not that it dearest
There Emmy I knew mamma would find it out however we might be silent said Caroline triumphantly as her sisters face was again concealed
Emmeline turned poet Angels and ministers of grace defend me I must hide my diminished head spouted Percy I thought at least I might retain my crown as the poet of the family and to be rivaled by you—a lightfooted fawn—wild gazelle—airy sprite—my especial Tiny it is unbearable
But we must all thank you notwithstanding Emmy continued Herbert
Ah but I have very little to do with it the arrangement of the words to the air and the accompaniment are Carolines I could not have done that said Emmeline her tears changed to her most joyous smiles
Percy and his father turned directly to Caroline the former with a Sir Charles Grandisons bow the other with a most affectionate kiss and her mother looked at her with such an expression of gratified pleasure that she could not help acknowledging to herself such pure enjoyment was not to be found in the praise and admiration of strangers
Now Emmeline you have still a mystery to explain said Edward Why did you not own your offspring instead of by silence almost denying them
And here I really can not help you answered Mrs Hamilton I can not imagine why my Emmy should conceal a fact that could only give pleasure to us all
I think I know said Ellen timidly Emmeline was thinking of all you said about controlling an impulse and not always encouraging that which she termed inspiration and perhaps she thought you did not quite approve of her writing and so wished to conceal it
How could you guess so exactly Ellen hastily answered Emmeline forgetting in her surprise at her cousins penetration that she betrayed herself
Because I should have felt the same said Ellen simply
Then I must have explained myself very badly my dear children or you must have both misunderstood me I did not mean you to neglect such on enjoyment as poetry but only to keep it in its proper sphere and not allow it to take the place of resources equally intellectual but which have and may still cost you more patience and labor Poetry is a dangerous gift my dear child but as long as you bring it to the common treasury of Home and regard it merely as a recreation only to be enjoyed when less attractive duties and studies are completed you have my full permission to cultivate—and try by the study of our best authors and whatever other help I can obtain for you to improve yourself in it No talent that is lent us should be thrown aside my Emmeline our only care must be not—by loving and pursuing it too intensely—to abuse it but I must not lecture you any longer or Percys patience will fail I see he has placed Miss Harcourt already at the piano and Edward and Caroline are ready for their waltz
And so I transform one Muse into another exclaimed Percy who in his sisters absorbed attention had neared her unobserved and catching her round the waist bore her to the upper end of the room and a minute afterward she was enjoying her waltz with as much childish glee as if neither poetry nor reflection could have any thing to do with her
Why is poetry a dangerous gift dear aunt inquired Ellen who had listened earnestly to all Mrs Hamilton had said
Because my love it is very apt to excite and encourage an overexcess of feeling gives a habit of seeing things other than they really are and engenders a species of romantic enthusiasm most dangerous to the young especially of our sex whose feelings generally require control and repression even when not joined to poetry To a wellregulated mind and temper the danger is not of the same serious kind as to the irregulated but merely consists in the powerful temptation it too often presents to neglect duties and employments of more consequence for its indulgence There is a species of fascination in the composition of even the most inferior poetry which urges its pursuit as giving so little trouble compared to the perseverance necessary for music and drawing and such a vast amount of pleasure that it is difficult to withdraw from it This is still more strongly the case when the young first become conscious of the gift as Emmeline is now As she gets older and her taste improves she will not be satisfied with her efforts unless they are very superior to the present and the trouble she will take in correcting and improving will remove a great deal of the too dangerous fascination attending it now still I am not anxious while she retains her confidence in my affection and experience and will so control the enjoyment as not to permit its interference with her other more serious employments
Ellen listened eagerly and they continued conversing on many similar topics of interest and improvement till the prayer bell rang and startled her into the recollection that she had always retired nearly an hour before and so had avoided entering the library which she still quite shrunk from Percy stopped his dance which he had converted from a waltz into a most inspiring gallopade the last importation he declared from Almacks Miss Harcourt closed the piano and Herbert paused in his conversation with his father Nothing like gloom ever marked the signal for the hour of devotion but lighter pleasures always ceased a few minutes before that they might better realize the more serious thought and service
Mrs Hamilton had never ceased to regret the disgrace she had inflicted on Ellen in not permitting her to retain her own place with the family at least in the hours of devotion for it seemed more difficult to remove that impression than any of her other trials Returning her nieces startled look with one of the sincerest affection she said—
You will remain with us tonight my dear Ellen will you not
If you wish it aunt
I do wish it dearest most earnestly It is so long since I have had the happiness of seeing all my children round me in this solemn hour and till you join us I can not feel quite sure that you have indeed forgiven an act of severity which could I but have suspected the truth I should never have inflicted
Forgiven—you repeated Ellen in utter astonishment but rising instantly Aunt Emmeline dear aunt Emmeline pray do not speak so why did you not tell me your wish before I would have conquered my own disinclination to enter the library weeks ago indeed indeed it only seemed associated with my own guilt and misery
Mrs Hamilton drew her arm fondly in hers refusing for her the aid of either of the young men who had all hastened toward her and led her herself to the library and to her usual place beside Emmeline Many an eager but respectful look of affectionate admiration was directed toward her by the assembled household the greater part of whom had not seen her since the night of Edwards confession and the alteration in her appearance the universal sympathy which her dangerous illness and its cause had called forth even in the humblest and most ignorant—for it is the heart not the mind which is required for the comprehension of selfdevotion—her very youth seeming to increase its magnitude had inspired such a feeling of love that could she have known it would have prevented that painful sensation of shyness
Many many thoughts thronged her mind as her uncles impressive voice fell on her ear thoughts which though they prevented her following the words of the prayers and caused the tears spite of every effort to stream through her slender fingers yet turned into thankfulness and praise ere the service ceased that fiery as the ordeal had been she could still recognize a hand of love and bless God not only for the detection of her involuntary sin but for every pang she had endured
The next day was Sunday bringing with it all sorts of quiet sober pleasures of its own, only alloyed by the thought that it was the last day of Percys and Herberts visit The following morning they started for Oxford Mr Hamilton and Edward intending to accompany them part of the way and then to proceed to Ashburton where the former had business and then make a little tour through Plymouth home The next day was so beautifully fine and genial that Emmeline declared it would do Ellen the greatest possible good to go with her a few miles out of the park to see a waterfall she had lately discovered and which she had been longing for Ellen to see as Caroline would not admire it as much as it deserved Miss Harcourt accompanied them and on their return its beauties were described to Mrs Hamilton in the most animating strain Emmeline declaring the air was more deliciously fresh the trees more green the sky more brilliantly blue than they had ever been before and that the very sound of the water as it dashed down a black rock and threw up spray which the rays of the sun rendered so beautifully iridescent as to seem like a succession of rainbows was a whole volume of poetry in itself
And what extraordinary vision do you think that silly cousin of mine chose to fancy she saw coming down the Ashburton road mamma Actually the apparitions of papa and Edward She will persist in the fancy Miss Harcourt and I could only see two men on horseback at too great a distance for any identity to be recognized—but it must be their wraiths if it be for they had no idea of coming home today
I am sure I was not mistaken Emmeline said Ellen whom her aunt now observed looked agitated and flushed and they were riding so fast something very pressing must have recalled them
And you are frightening yourself at shadows my dear but indeed I think you must be mistaken for your uncle told me he should be particularly engaged today said Mrs Hamilton
She is not mistaken though exclaimed Caroline who was standing at one of the windows for here they both are true enough and riding quite fast down the avenue However the mystery will soon be solved
Mr Hamilton and Edward entered almost immediately afterward the latter evidently very much agitated the former so tranquil and cheerful that the momentary anxiety of his wife was calmed directly He laughed at their bewilderment and said that an important letter had reached him at Ashburton summoning him to Plymouth and so he thought he would just see how all was going on at Oakwood first This was not at all a satisfactory reason from Mr Hamilton Edward evidently tried to answer Ellens inquiries quietly but he could not and exclaiming You tell her my dear uncle I can not ran out of the room Mr Hamilton instantly changed his jesting manner so far as quietly and affectionately to seat his niece beside him and tell her cautiously and kindly the real cause of their unexpected return Orders had been sent to the Sea Queen to sail much sooner than was expected and therefore he had deferred his business and returned with Edward directly
It is a trial my dear Ellen a very hard one just now under all circumstances but I am sure you will bear it with fortitude for Edwards sake The only drawback to his happiness in being again permitted to follow his profession is the thought of the trial it will be to you
But when must we part When must he leave Oakwood was all poor Ellen could ask but in such a tone of quiet sorrow her uncle could not for the moment reply
The Sea Queen leaves Plymouth wind permitting the end of the week but—Edward must be on board tomorrow
A low cry escaped involuntarily from Ellens lips as she buried her face on the cushion of the couch where she was sitting and an exclamation of surprise and regret broke from all Mrs Hamilton felt it almost as much as Ellen from not only her own unspoken anxiety as to whether indeed his home influence would save him from temptation in future but that she could enter into every thought and feeling which in Ellen must so aggravate the actual parting—always a sorrow in itself After a few minutes Ellen raised her head and though her cheek was perfectly colorless every tear was checked
Tell Edward he need not fear my weakness dear Emmeline she said trying hard to speak quite calmly Only beg him to come to me that we may spend the little time we have together I will be as cheerful as himself And effort as it was she kept her word so controlling sorrow to enter into his naturally glad anticipations that her brother felt as if he could not love nor venerate her enough
He was obliged to leave Oakwood accompanied by his uncle so early the next morning that all his preparations had to be completed by that night Elliss activity though she could not endure the idea of his going speedily and satisfactorily settled that matter Robert Langford who had only regained his natural lightheartedness since Ellen had taken her usual place in the family always declaring his carelessness had been the origin of all her misery was another so active in his service that Edward had only to give a hint of any thing he wanted even if it could only be procured at some distance and it was instantly obtained
The hours wore on the evening devotions were concluded but still the family lingered in the library so many things there seemed to say for Mr Hamilton and Miss Harcourt would not let the conversation flag and Edward would talk and laugh as if he were only going from home for a few days Midnight chimed but still Mrs Hamilton felt as if she could not give the signal for separation but when one struck there was a general start and an unanimous declaration it could not be so late
I assure you it is Mrs Hamilton cheerfully said and poor Edward will get no sleep if we do not separate at once He must certainly send you a box of artificial roses for this unusual dissipation will bear all the natural ones away Ellen love I must be cruel enough to resist that pleading look remember your full strength has not yet returned
She spoke kindly but firmly and there was a general move Edward laughingly promised to send his cousins the very best box of rouge he could procure at Plymouth and wished them good night as gayly as if they should meet as usual the next morning Once only his voice faltered—Ellen love good night My own sister God in Heaven bless you were all he said the last sentence escaping as if involuntarily as if he had merely meant to say good night and for more than a minute the brother and sister were clasped in each others arms There were tears in Mrs Hamiltons eyes and her husbands were most unwontedly dim for words were not needed to reveal to them the trial of that moment to those two young hearts To Ellens especially for her lot was womans—to endure until time should prove the reality of Edwards resolution and mark him indeed the noble character his disposition so fondly promised His was active service the banishment of thought by deed Breaking from her brother and not daring to address either her aunt or uncle lest her control should fail her too soon Ellen hastened from the room
Go to her aunt Emmeline oh tell her I will never never cause her to suffer again implored Edward as soon as he could speak and clasping his aunts hand She has been struggling with herself the whole evening for my sake and she will suffer for it tomorrow unless she give it vent and she will weep less painfully if you speak of comfort
She will be better alone a little while my dear boy young as she is she knows where to seek and find comfort and her tears would flow more freely conscious only of the presence and healing of her God I shall not part from you now Ellis wanted me for some directions about your things and I will come to you in your room afterward
Mrs Hamilton knew the human heart well When she went to Ellen the paroxysm of natural sorrow had had vent and her sympathy her earnestly expressed conviction that the trial of beholding error and remorse in one so beloved would not occur again could bring comfort The tears indeed might still have flowed the faster perhaps at the voice of kindness but there was healing in them and when her aunt left her to go to Edward she sent him a fond message that she was better and in a few days would be happy quite happy for his sake
It was late before Mrs Hamilton quitted her nephew We will not repeat all that passed between them all that that fond watchful relative so earnestly so appealingly said Not much in actual words of counsel had she ever before addressed to him feeling that that duty was better performed by Mr Howard and his uncle She had simply tried to influence him by the power of love of forbearance of sympathy with his remorse and pity for his errors In the wretchedness the fearful anxiety Ellens danger and painful illness had occasioned herself individually she had never spoken or even let fall a sentence which could reproach him as the cause of all and therefore now that she did give her anxious affection words they were so spoken that her nephew never forgot them
I feel now he had said near the conclusion of their interview as if nothing could tempt me to err again but oh aunt Emmeline so I thought when I left home before and its influences all left me as if they had never been It may be so again and—and—are there not such doomed wretches making all they love best most miserable
Not indeed if they will take their home influences with them my beloved boy They deserted you before because by the insidious sentiments of a most unhappy man your religion was shaken and you flung aside with scorn and misbelief the only safety for the young—Gods most Holy Word The influences of your home are based on that alone my Edward They appear perhaps to the casual observer as only love indulgence peace and the joy springing from innocent and happy hearts but these are mere flowers springing from one immortal root In Gods Word alone is our safety there alone our strength and our joy and that may be yours still my boy though far away from us and in a little world with interests and temptations of its own. Take this little Bible it has been my constant companion for eighteen years and to none but to yourself would I part with it If you fear your better feelings failing read it be guided by it if at first only for the sake of those you love I do not fear but that very soon you will do so for its own sake It bears a name within it which I think will ever keep it sacred in your care as it has been in mine
Edward opened it eagerly Charles Manvers he exclaimed My own sailoruncle whose memory you have so taught me to love It is indeed a spell dear aunt and you shall never regret a gift so precious But how came it yours
He came to me just before starting for his last trip entreating me to exchange Bibles with him that in our most serious moments we might think of each other It was such an unusually serious speech for him that it seemed to thrill me with a vague forboding which was only too soon realized I never saw him again and that little book indeed increased in value
Her voice faltered for even yet the memory of her brother was so dear to her that she could never speak of him without emotion Edward reiterated his eager assurance that it should be equally valuable to him adding—
I have often had strange fancies about uncle Charles aunt and longed for the command of a ship to scour the coast of Algiers and learn something more about the Leander Somehow or other I never can believe he was drowned and yet to think of him as a slave is terrible
And not likely my dear boy think of the lapse of years But painful as it is we must separate Edward I must not detain you from rest and sleep any longer Only give me one promise—if ever you are led into temptation and error again and it may be—for our strongest resolutions sometimes fail us—write to me without the smallest hesitation openly freely tell me all and if you need aid ask it and I will give it and if it be possible avert your uncles displeasure I have no fear that in telling you this I am weakening your resolution but only to prevent one fault becoming many by concealment—from dread of anger and therein the supposed impossibility of amendment Remember my beloved boy you have a claim on me which no error nor fault can remove as under providence the preserver of my husband I can never change the anxious love I bear you You may indeed make me very miserable but I know you will not you will let me look on your noble deed with all the love the admiration it deserves Promise me that under any difficulty or error small or great you will write to me as you would have done to your own beloved mother and I shall have no fear remaining
Edward did promise but his heart was so full he could not restrain himself any longer and as Mrs Hamilton folded him to her heart in a silent but tearful embrace he wept on her shoulder like a child
CHAPTER XVI
THE BIRTHDAY GIFT
Brightly and placidly as the course of their own beautiful river did the days now pass to the inmates of Oakwood Letters came from Edward so frequently so happily that hope would rest calmly joyously even on the thought of him He never let an opportunity pass writing always to Mrs Hamilton which he had scarcely ever done before and inclosing his letters to Ellen open in hers The tone the frequency were so changed from his last that his family now wondered they had been so blind before in not perceiving that his very seeming liveliness was unnatural and overstrained
With Ellen too Mrs Hamiltons anxious care was bringing in fair promise of success—the mistaken influences of her childhood and their increased effect from a morbid imagination produced from constant suffering appearing indeed about to be wholly eradicated Anxious to remove all sad associations connected with the library Mrs Hamilton having determined herself to superintend Ellens studies passed long mornings in that ancient room with her so delightfully that it became associated only with the noble authors whose works or extracts from whom she read and reveled in and which filled her mind with such new thoughts such expansive ideas such calming and earnest truths that she felt becoming to herself a new being Lively and thoughtless as Emmeline she could not now indeed become—alike as their dispositions naturally were but she was more quietly enduringly happy than she had ever remembered her self
There was only one alloy one sad thought that would intrude causing a resolution which none suspected for open as she had become she could breathe it to none but Ellis for she alone could assist her though it required many persuasions and many assurances that she never could be quite happy unless it was accomplished which could prevail on her to grant it Ellen knew felt more and more each week that she could not rest till she had labored for and obtained and returned into her aunts hands the full sum she had so involuntarily appropriated The only means she could adopt demanded such a seemingly interminable period of selfdenial patience and perseverance that at first as Ellis represented and magnified all connected with it she felt as if indeed she could not nerve herself for the task much as she desired to perform it but prayer enabled her to face the idea till it lost its most painful aspect and three months after Edwards departure she commenced the undertaking resolved that neither time nor difficulty should deter her from its accomplishment What her plan was and whether it succeeded we may not here inform our readers Should we be permitted to resume our History of the Hamilton Family both will be revealed
Greatly to Carolines delight the following October was fixed for them to leave Oakwood and after a pleasant tour to make the long anticipated visit to London There would then be three or four months quiet for her to have the benefit of masters before she was introduced and Mrs Hamilton fondly hoped that the last years residence at home fraught as it had been with so much of domestic trial and displaying so many hopeful and admirable traits in Carolines disposition would have lessened the danger of the ordeal of admiration and gayety which she so dreaded for her child—whether it had or not a future page will disclose
To Emmeline this arrangement was a source of extreme regret individually in which Ellen now quite sympathized But Emmeline had never forgotten her mothers gentle hint that too great indulgence of regret or sorrow becomes selfishness and she tried very hard to create some anticipation of pleasure even in London Ellen would not look to pleasure but merely tried to think about—and so when called upon cheerfully to resign that which was now so intensely enjoyable—her studies with her aunt—and so benefit by them as to give Miss Harcourt no trouble when she was again under her care as she knew she and Emmeline must be more than they had been yet when Carolines introduction and their residence in London would take Mr and Mrs Hamilton so much from domestic pursuits and pleasures and even when at home compel them to be so frequently engrossed with a large circle of friends and all the variety of claims on their attention and time which a season in London includes
It was again the 7th of June and Ellens birthday Accustomed from the time she became an inmate of Oakwood to regard the anniversary of her birth in the same serious light as Mrs Hamilton had taught her cousins—as a day of quiet reflection as well as of thankfulness and joy as one that closing and recommencing another year of their individual lives taught them that they were becoming more and more responsible beings—it was not much wonder that Ellen the whole of that day should seem somewhat less cheerful than usual She had indeed had many sources of thankfulness and joy during the past year but a heart and mind like hers could not recall its principal event without a return of sorrow Mrs Hamilton would not notice her now unusual sadness until the evening when perceiving her standing engrossed in thought beside one of the widelyopened windows near which Caroline was watering some lovely flowers on the terrace she gently approached her and putting her arm round her said fondly—
You have thought quite seriously and quite long enough for today my dear Ellen I must not have any more such very silent meditations That there is something to regret in the retrospect of the last year I acknowledge but you must not let it poison all the sources of thankfulness which it brings likewise
It was not of my past conduct I was thinking at this moment aunt Emmeline—it was—
What love tell me without reserve
That I never never can return in the smallest degree all I owe to you replied Ellen with a sudden burst of emotion most unusual to her controlled and gentle character I never can do any thing to evince how gratefully how intensely I feel all the kindness the goodness you have shown me from the first moment you took me to your home—an unhappy neglected ailing child and this year more more than ever My own poor mother left me in my dangerous illness and what have you not done to give me back not merely physical but mental health Day and night you watched beside me forgetting all the care the misery my conduct had caused you only thinking only seeking to give me back to health and happiness Oh aunt Emmeline your very household can evince gratitude and love in the performance of their respective duties—I can do nothing never can If I only could
Do you remember the fable of the lion and the mouse my dear Ellen and Miss Edgeworths still prettier story on the same subject replied Mrs Hamilton more affected than she chose to betray though she drew her niece closer to her and kissed her fondly I hope I shall never be caught in a net nor exposed to such horrors and danger as poor Madame de Fleury in the French Revolution but for all that and unlikely as it seems now my dear child you may have many an opportunity to return all that you so gratefully feel you owe me Do not let any such thought worry you but believe me when I assure you that affection and confidence are the only return I require united as they are in you with such an earnest desire and such persevering efforts to become all your best friends can wish you
She was interrupted by the entrance of Emmeline with a small parcel in her hand
Mamma this has just arrived from Exeter for you with an apologizing message from Mr Bennet saying it should have been here last night as he promised but he could not get the articles from London in time I am so very curious as to what it possibly can be that I would bring it to you myself
Any other time I would punish your constant curiosity Emmeline by refusing to gratify it I can not do so now however for I should punish myself as well I did want it most particularly this morning but I am glad it was not delayed till the day was quite over Your uncle and I did not forget your birthday my dear Ellen though it seemed so And opening the parcel as she spoke a very pretty jewelcase appeared containing the watch cross and all the other trinkets Ellen had placed in Mrs Langfords hand and never had had the courage to inquire for and the few her aunt had kept for her but so prettily arranged and beautifully burnished that she would scarcely have known them again
Did you never feel any curiosity as to the fate of your trinkets my love that you have never asked about them
I knew they were in better hands than my own replied Ellen with a quivering lip I felt I had no further right to them after attempting to part with them
I know there are some very painful associations connected with these trinkets my dear Ellen and therefore I would not return them to your own care till I could add to them a birthdaygift and lifting the upper tray she took out a gold chain and a pair of bracelets of chaste and beautiful workmanship—that the sad memories of the one may be forgotten in the pleasant thoughts of the other I have only one condition to make she added in an earnest lower tone as Ellen tried to speak her thanks but could only cling to her aunts neck and weep If ever again you are tempted to dispose of them dearest promise me to bring them to me for my valuation first
You shall be put into fetters at once Ellen said Emmeline joyously as her cousin gave the required promise so eagerly that it was evident she felt how much security dwelt in it Mamma make her put them on I want to see if she looks as interesting as Zenobia did in her golden chains
I think you might find a prettier simile Emmeline replied Mrs Hamilton smiling as she granted her request by throwing the chain round Ellens neck and fastening the bracelets on her wrists
So I can and so I will replied the lively girl altering without the smallest hesitation the lines to suit her fancy—
For thee rash girl no suppliant sues
For thee may vengeance claim her dues
Who nurtured underneath our smile
Repaid our cares with treacherous wile
Dishonoring thus thy loyal name
Fetters and warders thou must claim
The chain of gold was quick unstrung
Its links on that fair neck were flung
Then gently drew the glittering band
And laid the clasp on Ellens hand
THE END