NIGHTMARE ABBEY
By
Thomas Love Peacock
MATTHEW Oh its your only fine humour sir Your true melancholy breeds your perfect fine wit sir I am melancholy myself divers times sir and then do I no more but take pen and paper presently and overflow you half a score or a dozen of sonnets at a sitting
STEPHEN Truly sir and I love such things out of measure
MATTHEW Why I pray you sir make use of my study its at your service
STEPHEN I thank you sir I shall be bold I warrant you Have you a stool there to be melancholy upon
BEN JONSON Every Man in his Humour Act 3 Sc I
Ay esleu gazouiller et siffler oye comme dit le commun proverbe entre les cygnes plutoust que destre entre tant de gentils poëtes et faconds orateurs mut du tout estimé
RABELAIS Prol L 5
CHAPTER I
Nightmare Abbey a venerable familymansion in a highly picturesque state of semidilapidation pleasantly situated on a strip of dry land between the sea and the fens at the verge of the county of Lincoln had the honour to be the seat of Christopher Glowry Esquire This gentleman was naturally of an atrabilarious temperament and much troubled with those phantoms of indigestion which are commonly called blue devils He had been deceived in an early friendship he had been crossed in love and had offered his hand from pique to a lady who accepted it from interest and who in so doing violently tore asunder the bonds of a tried and youthful attachment Her vanity was gratified by being the mistress of a very extensive if not very lively establishment but all the springs of her sympathies were frozen Riches she possessed but that which enriches them the participation of affection was wanting All that they could purchase for her became indifferent to her because that which they could not purchase and which was more valuable than themselves she had for their sake thrown away She discovered when it was too late that she had mistaken the means for the end—that riches rightly used are instruments of happiness but are not in themselves happiness In this wilful blight of her affections she found them valueless as means they had been the end to which she had immolated all her affections and were now the only end that remained to her She did not confess this to herself as a principle of action but it operated through the medium of unconscious selfdeception and terminated in inveterate avarice She laid on external things the blame of her minds internal disorder and thus became by degrees an accomplished scold She often went her daily rounds through a series of deserted apartments every creature in the house vanishing at the creak of her shoe much more at the sound of her voice to which the nature of things affords no simile for as far as the voice of woman when attuned by gentleness and love transcends all other sounds in harmony so far does it surpass all others in discord when stretched into unnatural shrillness by anger and impatience
Mr Glowry used to say that his house was no better than a spacious kennel for every one in it led the life of a dog Disappointed both in love and in friendship and looking upon human learning as vanity he had come to a conclusion that there was but one good thing in the world videlicet a good dinner and this his parsimonious lady seldom suffered him to enjoy but one morning like Sir Leoline in Christabel he woke and found his lady dead and remained a very consolate widower with one small child
This only son and heir Mr Glowry had christened Scythrop from the name of a maternal ancestor who had hanged himself one rainy day in a fit of toedium vitae and had been eulogised by a coroners jury in the comprehensive phrase of felo de se on which account Mr Glowry held his memory in high honour and made a punchbowl of his skull
When Scythrop grew up he was sent as usual to a public school where a little learning was painfully beaten into him and from thence to the university where it was carefully taken out of him and he was sent home like a wellthreshed ear of corn with nothing in his head having finished his education to the high satisfaction of the master and fellows of his college who had in testimony of their approbation presented him with a silver fishslice on which his name figured at the head of a laudatory inscription in some semibarbarous dialect of AngloSaxonised Latin
His fellowstudents however who drove tandem and random in great perfection and were connoisseurs in good inns had taught him to drink deep ere he departed He had passed much of his time with these choice spirits and had seen the rays of the midnight lamp tremble on many a lengthening file of empty bottles He passed his vacations sometimes at Nightmare Abbey sometimes in London at the house of his uncle Mr Hilary a very cheerful and elastic gentleman who had married the sister of the melancholy Mr Glowry The company that frequented his house was the gayest of the gay Scythrop danced with the ladies and drank with the gentlemen and was pronounced by both a very accomplished charming fellow and an honour to the university
At the house of Mr Hilary Scythrop first saw the beautiful Miss Emily Girouette He fell in love which is nothing new He was favourably received which is nothing strange Mr Glowry and Mr Girouette had a meeting on the occasion and quarrelled about the terms of the bargain which is neither new nor strange The lovers were torn asunder weeping and vowing everlasting constancy and in three weeks after this tragical event the lady was led a smiling bride to the altar by the Honourable Mr Lackwit which is neither strange nor new
Scythrop received this intelligence at Nightmare Abbey and was half distracted on the occasion It was his first disappointment and preyed deeply on his sensitive spirit His father to comfort him read him a Commentary on Ecclesiastes which he had himself composed and which demonstrated incontrovertibly that all is vanity He insisted particularly on the text One man among a thousand have I found but a woman amongst all those have I not found
How could he expect it said Scythrop when the whole thousand were locked up in his seraglio His experience is no precedent for a free state of society like that in which we live
Locked up or at large said Mr Glowry the result is the same their minds are always locked up and vanity and interest keep the key I speak feelingly Scythrop
I am sorry for it sir said Scythrop But how is it that their minds are locked up The fault is in their artificial education which studiously models them into mere musical dolls to be set out for sale in the great toyshop of society
To be sure said Mr Glowry their education is not so well finished as yours has been and your idea of a musical doll is good I bought one myself but it was confoundedly out of tune but whatever be the cause Scythrop the effect is certainly this that one is pretty nearly as good as another as far as any judgment can be formed of them before marriage It is only after marriage that they show their true qualities as I know by bitter experience Marriage is therefore a lottery and the less choice and selection a man bestows on his ticket the better for if he has incurred considerable pains and expense to obtain a lucky number and his lucky number proves a blank he experiences not a simple but a complicated disappointment the loss of labour and money being superadded to the disappointment of drawing a blank which constituting simply and entirely the grievance of him who has chosen his ticket at random is from its simplicity the more endurable This very excellent reasoning was thrown away upon Scythrop who retired to his tower as dismal and disconsolate as before
The tower which Scythrop inhabited stood at the southeastern angle of the Abbey and on the southern side the foot of the tower opened on a terrace which was called the garden though nothing grew on it but ivy and a few amphibious weeds The southwestern tower which was ruinous and full of owls might with equal propriety have been called the aviary This terrace or garden or terracegarden or gardenterrace the reader may name it ad libitum took in an oblique view of the open sea and fronted a long tract of level seacoast and a fine monotony of fens and windmills
The reader will judge from what we have said that this building was a sort of castellated abbey and it will probably occur to him to inquire if it had been one of the strongholds of the ancient church militant Whether this was the case or how far it had been indebted to the taste of Mr Glowrys ancestors for any transmutations from its original state are unfortunately circumstances not within the pale of our knowledge.
The northwestern tower contained the apartments of Mr Glowry The moat at its base and the fens beyond comprised the whole of his prospect This moat surrounded the Abbey and was in immediate contact with the walls on every side but the south
The northeastern tower was appropriated to the domestics whom Mr Glowry always chose by one of two criterions—a long face or a dismal name His butler was Raven his steward was Crow his valet was Skellet Mr Glowry maintained that the valet was of French extraction and that his name was Squelette His grooms were Mattocks and Graves On one occasion being in want of a footman he received a letter from a person signing himself Diggory Deathshead and lost no time in securing this acquisition but on Diggorys arrival Mr Glowry was horrorstruck by the sight of a round ruddy face and a pair of laughing eyes Deathshead was always grinning—not a ghastly smile but the grin of a comic mask and disturbed the echoes of the hall with so much unhallowed laughter that Mr Glowry gave him his discharge Diggory however had staid long enough to make conquests of all the old gentlemans maids and left him a flourishing colony of young Deathsheads to join chorus with the owls that had before been the exclusive choristers of Nightmare Abbey
The main body of the building was divided into rooms of state spacious apartments for feasting and numerous bedrooms for visitors who however were few and far between
Family interests compelled Mr Glowry to receive occasional visits from Mr and Mrs Hilary who paid them from the same motive and as the lively gentleman on these occasions found few conductors for his exuberant gaiety he became like a doublecharged electric jar which often exploded in some burst of outrageous merriment to the signal discomposure of Mr Glowrys nerves
Another occasional visitor much more to Mr Glowrys taste was Mr Flosky1 a very lachrymose and morbid gentleman of some note in the literary world but in his own estimation of much more merit than name The part of his character which recommended him to Mr Glowry was his very fine sense of the grim and the tearful No one could relate a dismal story with so many minutiæ of supererogatory wretchedness No one could call up a rawhead and bloodybones with so many adjuncts and circumstances of ghastliness Mystery was his mental element He lived in the midst of that visionary world in which nothing is but what is not He dreamed with his eyes open and saw ghosts dancing round him at noontide He had been in his youth an enthusiast for liberty and had hailed the dawn of the French Revolution as the promise of a day that was to banish war and slavery and every form of vice and misery from the face of the earth Because all this was not done he deduced that nothing was done and from this deduction according to his system of logic he drew a conclusion that worse than nothing was done that the overthrow of the feudal fortresses of tyranny and superstition was the greatest calamity that had ever befallen mankind and that their only hope now was to rake the rubbish together and rebuild it without any of those loopholes by which the light had originally crept in To qualify himself for a coadjutor in this laudable task he plunged into the central opacity of Kantian metaphysics and lay perdu several years in transcendental darkness till the common daylight of common sense became intolerable to his eyes He called the sun an ignis fatuus and exhorted all who would listen to his friendly voice which were about as many as called God save King Richard to shelter themselves from its delusive radiance in the obscure haunt of Old Philosophy This word Old had great charms for him The good old times were always on his lips meaning the days when polemic theology was in its prime and rival prelates beat the drum ecclesiastic with Herculean vigour till the one wound up his series of syllogisms with the very orthodox conclusion of roasting the other
But the dearest friend of Mr Glowry and his most welcome guest was Mr Toobad the Manichaean Millenarian The twelfth verse of the twelfth chapter of Revelations was always in his mouth Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea for the devil is come among you having great wrath because he knoweth that he hath but a short time He maintained that the supreme dominion of the world was for wise purposes given over for a while to the Evil Principle and that this precise period of time commonly called the enlightened age was the point of his plenitude of power He used to add that by and by he would be cast down and a high and happy order of things succeed but he never omitted the saving clause Not in our time which last words were always echoed in doleful response by the sympathetic Mr Glowry
Another and very frequent visitor was the Reverend Mr Larynx the vicar of Claydyke a village about ten miles distant—a goodnatured accommodating divine who was always most obligingly ready to take a dinner and a bed at the house of any country gentleman in distress for a companion Nothing came amiss to him—a game at billiards at chess at draughts at backgammon at piquet or at allfours in a têteàtête—or any game on the cards round square or triangular in a party of any number exceeding two He would even dance among friends rather than that a lady even if she were on the wrong side of thirty should sit still for want of a partner For a ride a walk or a sail in the morning—a song after dinner a ghost story after supper—a bottle of port with the squire or a cup of green tea with his lady—for all or any of these or for any thing else that was agreeable to any one else consistently with the dye of his coat the Reverend Mr Larynx was at all times equally ready When at Nightmare Abbey he would condole with Mr Glowry—drink Madeira with Scythrop—crack jokes with Mr Hilary—hand Mrs Hilary to the piano take charge of her fan and gloves and turn over her music with surprising dexterity—quote Revelations with Mr Toobad—and lament the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr Flosky
CHAPTER II
Shortly after the disastrous termination of Scythrops passion for Miss Emily Girouette Mr Glowry found himself much against his will involved in a lawsuit which compelled him to dance attendance on the High Court of Chancery Scythrop was left alone at Nightmare Abbey He was a burnt child and dreaded the fire of female eyes He wandered about the ample pile or along the gardenterrace with his cogitative faculties immersed in cogibundity of cogitation The terrace terminated at the southwestern tower which as we have said was ruinous and full of owls Here would Scythrop take his evening seat on a fallen fragment of mossy stone with his back resting against the ruined wall—a thick canopy of ivy with an owl in it over his head—and the Sorrows of Werter in his hand He had some taste for romance reading before he went to the university where we must confess in justice to his college he was cured of the love of reading in all its shapes and the cure would have been radical if disappointment in love and total solitude had not conspired to bring on a relapse He began to devour romances and German tragedies and by the recommendation of Mr Flosky to pore over ponderous tomes of transcendental philosophy which reconciled him to the labour of studying them by their mystical jargon and necromantic imagery In the congenial solitude of Nightmare Abbey the distempered ideas of metaphysical romance and romantic metaphysics had ample time and space to germinate into a fertile crop of chimeras which rapidly shot up into vigorous and abundant vegetation
He now became troubled with the passion for reforming the world2 He built many castles in the air and peopled them with secret tribunals and bands of illuminati who were always the imaginary instruments of his projected regeneration of the human species As he intended to institute a perfect republic he invested himself with absolute sovereignty over these mystical dispensers of liberty He slept with Horrid Mysteries under his pillow and dreamed of venerable eleutherarchs and ghastly confederates holding midnight conventions in subterranean caves He passed whole mornings in his study immersed in gloomy reverie stalking about the room in his nightcap which he pulled over his eyes like a cowl and folding his striped calico dressinggown about him like the mantle of a conspirator
Action thus he soliloquised is the result of opinion and to newmodel opinion would be to newmodel society Knowledge is power it is in the hands of a few who employ it to mislead the many for their own selfish purposes of aggrandisement and appropriation What if it were in the hands of a few who should employ it to lead the many What if it were universal and the multitude were enlightened No The many must be always in leadingstrings but let them have wise and honest conductors A few to think and many to act that is the only basis of perfect society So thought the ancient philosophers they had their esoterical and exoterical doctrines So thinks the sublime Kant who delivers his oracles in language which none but the initiated can comprehend Such were the views of those secret associations of illuminati which were the terror of superstition and tyranny and which carefully selecting wisdom and genius from the great wilderness of society as the bee selects honey from the flowers of the thorn and the nettle bound all human excellence in a chain which if it had not been prematurely broken would have commanded opinion and regenerated the world
Scythrop proceeded to meditate on the practicability of reviving a confederation of regenerators To get a clear view of his own ideas and to feel the pulse of the wisdom and genius of the age he wrote and published a treatise in which his meanings were carefully wrapt up in the monks hood of transcendental technology but filled with hints of matter deep and dangerous which he thought would set the whole nation in a ferment and he awaited the result in awful expectation as a miner who has fired a train awaits the explosion of a rock However he listened and heard nothing for the explosion if any ensued was not sufficiently loud to shake a single leaf of the ivy on the towers of Nightmare Abbey and some months afterwards he received a letter from his bookseller informing him that only seven copies had been sold and concluding with a polite request for the balance
Scythrop did not despair Seven copies he thought have been sold Seven is a mystical number and the omen is good Let me find the seven purchasers of my seven copies and they shall be the seven golden candlesticks with which I will illuminate the world
Scythrop had a certain portion of mechanical genius which his romantic projects tended to develope He constructed models of cells and recesses sliding panels and secret passages that would have baffled the skill of the Parisian police He took the opportunity of his fathers absence to smuggle a dumb carpenter into the Abbey and between them they gave reality to one of these models in Scythrops tower Scythrop foresaw that a great leader of human regeneration would be involved in fearful dilemmas and determined for the benefit of mankind in general to adopt all possible precautions for the preservation of himself
The servants even the women had been tutored into silence Profound stillness reigned throughout and around the Abbey except when the occasional shutting of a door would peal in long reverberations through the galleries or the heavy tread of the pensive butler would wake the hollow echoes of the hall Scythrop stalked about like the grand inquisitor and the servants flitted past him like familiars In his evening meditations on the terrace under the ivy of the ruined tower the only sounds that came to his ear were the rustling of the wind in the ivy the plaintive voices of the feathered choristers the owls the occasional striking of the Abbey clock and the monotonous dash of the sea on its low and level shore In the mean time he drank Madeira and laid deep schemes for a thorough repair of the crazy fabric of human nature
CHAPTER III
Mr Glowry returned from London with the loss of his lawsuit Justice was with him but the law was against him He found Scythrop in a mood most sympathetically tragic and they vied with each other in enlivening their cups by lamenting the depravity of this degenerate age and occasionally interspersing divers grim jokes about graves worms and epitaphs Mr Glowrys friends whom we have mentioned in the first chapter availed themselves of his return to pay him a simultaneous visit At the same time arrived Scythrops friend and fellowcollegian the Honourable Mr Listless Mr Glowry had discovered this fashionable young gentleman in London stretched on the rack of a too easy chair and devoured with a gloomy and misanthropical nil curo and had pressed him so earnestly to take the benefit of the pure country air at Nightmare Abbey that Mr Listless finding it would give him more trouble to refuse than to comply summoned his French valet Fatout and told him he was going to Lincolnshire On this simple hint Fatout went to work and the imperials were packed and the postchariot was at the door without the Honourable Mr Listless having said or thought another syllable on the subject
Mr and Mrs Hilary brought with them an orphan niece a daughter of Mr Glowrys youngest sister who had made a runaway lovematch with an Irish officer The ladys fortune disappeared in the first year love by a natural consequence disappeared in the second the Irishman himself by a still more natural consequence disappeared in the third Mr Glowry had allowed his sister an annuity and she had lived in retirement with her only daughter whom at her death which had recently happened she commended to the care of Mrs Hilary
Miss Marionetta Celestina OCarroll was a very blooming and accomplished young lady Being a compound of the Allegro Vivace of the OCarrolls and of the Andante Doloroso of the Glowries she exhibited in her own character all the diversities of an April sky Her hair was lightbrown her eyes hazel and sparkling with a mild but fluctuating light her features regular her lips full and of equal size and her person surpassingly graceful She was a proficient in music Her conversation was sprightly but always on subjects light in their nature and limited in their interest for moral sympathies in any general sense had no place in her mind She had some coquetry and more caprice liking and disliking almost in the same moment pursuing an object with earnestness while it seemed unattainable and rejecting it when in her power as not worth the trouble of possession
Whether she was touched with a penchant for her cousin Scythrop or was merely curious to see what effect the tender passion would have on so outré a person she had not been three days in the Abbey before she threw out all the lures of her beauty and accomplishments to make a prize of his heart Scythrop proved an easy conquest The image of Miss Emily Girouette was already sufficiently dimmed by the power of philosophy and the exercise of reason for to these influences or to any influence but the true one are usually ascribed the mental cures performed by the great physician Time Scythrops romantic dreams had indeed given him many pure anticipated cognitions of combinations of beauty and intelligence which he had some misgivings were not exactly realised in his cousin Marionetta but in spite of these misgivings he soon became distractedly in love which when the young lady clearly perceived she altered her tactics and assumed as much coldness and reserve as she had before shown ardent and ingenuous attachment Scythrop was confounded at the sudden change but instead of falling at her feet and requesting an explanation he retreated to his tower muffled himself in his nightcap seated himself in the presidents chair of his imaginary secret tribunal summoned Marionetta with all terrible formalities frightened her out of her wits disclosed himself and clasped the beautiful penitent to his bosom
While he was acting this reverie—in the moment in which the awful president of the secret tribunal was throwing back his cowl and his mantle and discovering himself to the lovely culprit as her adoring and magnanimous lover the door of the study opened and the real Marionetta appeared
The motives which had led her to the tower were a little penitence a little concern a little affection and a little fear as to what the sudden secession of Scythrop occasioned by her sudden change of manner might portend She had tapped several times unheard and of course unanswered and at length timidly and cautiously opening the door she discovered him standing up before a black velvet chair which was mounted on an old oak table in the act of throwing open his striped calico dressinggown and flinging away his nightcap—which is what the French call an imposing attitude
Each stood a few moments fixed in their respective places—the lady in astonishment and the gentleman in confusion Marionetta was the first to break silence For heavens sake said she my dear Scythrop what is the matter
For heavens sake indeed said Scythrop springing from the table for your sake Marionetta and you are my heaven—distraction is the matter I adore you Marionetta and your cruelty drives me mad He threw himself at her knees devoured her hand with kisses and breathed a thousand vows in the most passionate language of romance
Marionetta listened a long time in silence till her lover had exhausted his eloquence and paused for a reply She then said with a very arch look I prithee deliver thyself like a man of this world The levity of this quotation and of the manner in which it was delivered jarred so discordantly on the highwrought enthusiasm of the romantic inamorato that he sprang upon his feet and beat his forehead with his clenched fist The young lady was terrified and deeming it expedient to soothe him took one of his hands in hers placed the other hand on his shoulder looked up in his face with a winning seriousness and said in the tenderest possible tone What would you have Scythrop
Scythrop was in heaven again What would I have What but you Marionetta You for the companion of my studies the partner of my thoughts the auxiliary of my great designs for the emancipation of mankind
I am afraid I should be but a poor auxiliary Scythrop What would you have me do
Do as Rosalia does with Carlos divine Marionetta Let us each open a vein in the others arm mix our blood in a bowl and drink it as a sacrament of love Then we shall see visions of transcendental illumination and soar on the wings of ideas into the space of pure intelligence
Marionetta could not reply she had not so strong a stomach as Rosalia and turned sick at the proposition She disengaged herself suddenly from Scythrop sprang through the door of the tower and fled with precipitation along the corridors Scythrop pursued her crying Stop stop Marionetta—my life my love and was gaining rapidly on her flight when at an illomened corner where two corridors ended in an angle at the head of a staircase he came into sudden and violent contact with Mr Toobad and they both plunged together to the foot of the stairs like two billiardballs into one pocket This gave the young lady time to escape and enclose herself in her chamber while Mr Toobad rising slowly and rubbing his knees and shoulders said You see my dear Scythrop in this little incident one of the innumerable proofs of the temporary supremacy of the devil for what but a systematic design and concurrent contrivance of evil could have made the angles of time and place coincide in our unfortunate persons at the head of this accursed staircase
Nothing else certainly said Scythrop you are perfectly in the right Mr Toobad Evil and mischief and misery and confusion and vanity and vexation of spirit and death and disease and assassination and war and poverty and pestilence and famine and avarice and selfishness and rancour and jealousy and spleen and malevolence and the disappointments of philanthropy and the faithlessness of friendship and the crosses of love—all prove the accuracy of your views and the truth of your system and it is not impossible that the infernal interruption of this fall downstairs may throw a colour of evil on the whole of my future existence
My dear boy said Mr Toobad you have a fine eye for consequences
So saying he embraced Scythrop who retired with a disconsolate step to dress for dinner while Mr Toobad stalked across the hall repeating Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea for the devil is come among you having great wrath
CHAPTER IV
The flight of Marionetta and the pursuit of Scythrop had been witnessed by Mr Glowry who in consequence narrowly observed his son and his niece in the evening and concluding from their manner that there was a better understanding between them than he wished to see he determined on obtaining the next morning from Scythrop a full and satisfactory explanation He therefore shortly after breakfast entered Scythrops tower with a very grave face and said without ceremony or preface So sir you are in love with your cousin
Scythrop with as little hesitation answered Yes sir
That is candid at least and she is in love with you
I wish she were sir
You know she is sir
Indeed sir I do not
But you hope she is
I do from my soul
Now that is very provoking Scythrop and very disappointing I could not have supposed that you Scythrop Glowry of Nightmare Abbey would have been infatuated with such a dancing laughing singing thoughtless careless merryhearted thing as Marionetta—in all respects the reverse of you and me It is very disappointing Scythrop And do you know sir that Marionetta has no fortune
It is the more reason sir that her husband should have one
The more reason for her but not for you My wife had no fortune and I had no consolation in my calamity And do you reflect sir what an enormous slice this lawsuit has cut out of our family estate we who used to be the greatest landed proprietors in Lincolnshire
To be sure sir we had more acres of fen than any man on this coast but what are fens to love What are dykes and windmills to Marionetta
And what sir is love to a windmill Not grist I am certain besides sir I have made a choice for you I have made a choice for you Scythrop Beauty genius accomplishments and a great fortune into the bargain Such a lovely serious creature in a fine state of high dissatisfaction with the world and every thing in it Such a delightful surprise I had prepared for you Sir I have pledged my honour to the contract—the honour of the Glowries of Nightmare Abbey and now sir what is to be done
Indeed sir I cannot say I claim on this occasion that liberty of action which is the conatal prerogative of every rational being
Liberty of action sir there is no such thing as liberty of action
We are all slaves and puppets of a blind and unpathetic necessity
Very true sir but liberty of action between individuals consists in their being differently influenced or modified by the same universal necessity so that the results are unconsentaneous and their respective necessitated volitions clash and fly off in a tangent
Your logic is good sir but you are aware too that one individual may be a medium of adhibiting to another a mode or form of necessity which may have more or less influence in the production of consentaneity and therefore sir if you do not comply with my wishes in this instance you have had your own way in every thing else I shall be under the necessity of disinheriting you though I shall do it with tears in my eyes Having said these words he vanished suddenly in the dread of Scythrops logic
Mr Glowry immediately sought Mrs Hilary and communicated to her his views of the case in point Mrs Hilary as the phrase is was as fond of Marionetta as if she had been her own child but—there is always a but on these occasions—she could do nothing for her in the way of fortune as she had two hopeful sons who were finishing their education at Brazennose and who would not like to encounter any diminution of their prospects when they should be brought out of the house of mental bondage—ie the university—to the land flowing with milk and honey—ie the west end of London
Mrs Hilary hinted to Marionetta that propriety and delicacy and decorum and dignity c c c3 would require them to leave the Abbey immediately Marionetta listened in silent submission for she knew that her inheritance was passive obedience but when Scythrop who had watched the opportunity of Mrs Hilarys departure entered and without speaking a word threw himself at her feet in a paroxysm of grief the young lady in equal silence and sorrow threw her arms round his neck and burst into tears A very tender scene ensued which the sympathetic susceptibilities of the softhearted reader can more accurately imagine than we can delineate But when Marionetta hinted that she was to leave the Abbey immediately Scythrop snatched from its repository his ancestors skull filled it with Madeira and presenting himself before Mr Glowry threatened to drink off the contents if Mr Glowry did not immediately promise that Marionetta should not be taken from the Abbey without her own consent Mr Glowry who took the Madeira to be some deadly brewage gave the required promise in dismal panic Scythrop returned to Marionetta with a joyful heart and drank the Madeira by the way
Mr Glowry during his residence in London had come to an agreement with his friend Mr Toobad that a match between Scythrop and Mr Toobads daughter would be a very desirable occurrence She was finishing her education in a German convent but Mr Toobad described her as being fully impressed with the truth of his Ahrimanic philosophy4 and being altogether as gloomy and antithalian a young lady as Mr Glowry himself could desire for the future mistress of Nightmare Abbey She had a great fortune in her own right which was not as we have seen without its weight in inducing Mr Glowry to set his heart upon her as his daughterinlaw that was to be he was therefore very much disturbed by Scythrops untoward attachment to Marionetta He condoled on the occasion with Mr Toobad who said that he had been too long accustomed to the intermeddling of the devil in all his affairs to be astonished at this new trace of his cloven claw but that he hoped to outwit him yet for he was sure there could be no comparison between his daughter and Marionetta in the mind of any one who had a proper perception of the fact, that, the world being a great theatre of evil seriousness and solemnity are the characteristics of wisdom and laughter and merriment make a human being no better than a baboon Mr Glowry comforted himself with this view of the subject and urged Mr Toobad to expedite his daughters return from Germany Mr Toobad said he was in daily expectation of her arrival in London and would set off immediately to meet her that he might lose no time in bringing her to Nightmare Abbey Then he added we shall see whether Thalia or Melpomene—whether the Allegra or the Penserosa—will carry off the symbol of victory—There can be no doubt said Mr Glowry which way the scale will incline or Scythrop is no true scion of the venerable stem of the Glowries
CHAPTER V
Marionetta felt secure of Scythrops heart and notwithstanding the difficulties that surrounded her she could not debar herself from the pleasure of tormenting her lover whom she kept in a perpetual fever Sometimes she would meet him with the most unqualified affection sometimes with the most chilling indifference rousing him to anger by artificial coldness—softening him to love by eloquent tenderness—or inflaming him to jealousy by coquetting with the Honourable Mr Listless who seemed under her magical influence to burst into sudden life like the bud of the evening primrose Sometimes she would sit by the piano and listen with becoming attention to Scythrops pathetic remonstrances but in the most impassioned part of his oratory she would convert all his ideas into a chaos by striking up some Rondo Allegro and saying Is it not pretty Scythrop would begin to storm and she would answer him with
Zitti zitti piano piano
Non facciamo confusione
or some similar facezia till he would start away from her and enclose himself in his tower in an agony of agitation vowing to renounce her and her whole sex for ever and returning to her presence at the summons of the billet which she never failed to send with many expressions of penitence and promises of amendment Scythrops schemes for regenerating the world and detecting his seven golden candlesticks went on very slowly in this fever of his spirit
Things proceeded in this train for several days and Mr Glowry began to be uneasy at receiving no intelligence from Mr Toobad when one evening the latter rushed into the library where the family and the visitors were assembled vociferating The devil is come among you having great wrath He then drew Mr Glowry aside into another apartment and after remaining some time together they reentered the library with faces of great dismay but did not condescend to explain to any one the cause of their discomfiture
The next morning early Mr Toobad departed Mr Glowry sighed and groaned all day and said not a word to any one Scythrop had quarrelled as usual with Marionetta and was enclosed in his tower in a fit of morbid sensibility Marionetta was comforting herself at the piano with singing the airs of Nina pazza per amore and the Honourable Mr Listless was listening to the harmony as he lay supine on the sofa with a book in his hand into which he peeped at intervals The Reverend Mr Larynx approached the sofa and proposed a game at billiards
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Billiards Really I should be very happy but in my present exhausted state the exertion is too much for me I do not know when I have been equal to such an effort He rang the bell for his valet Fatout entered Fatout when did I play at billiards last
FATOUT
De fourteen December de last year Monsieur Fatout bowed and retired
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
So it was Seven months ago You see Mr Larynx you see sir My nerves Miss OCarroll my nerves are shattered I have been advised to try Bath Some of the faculty recommend Cheltenham I think of trying both as the seasons dont clash The season you know Mr Larynx—the season Miss OCarroll—the season is every thing
MARIONETTA
And health is something Nestce pas Mr Larynx
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
Most assuredly Miss OCarroll For however reasoners may dispute about the summum bonum none of them will deny that a very good dinner is a very good thing and what is a good dinner without a good appetite and whence is a good appetite but from good health Now Cheltenham Mr Listless is famous for good appetites
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
The best piece of logic I ever heard Mr Larynx the very best I assure you I have thought very seriously of Cheltenham very seriously and profoundly I thought of it—let me see—when did I think of it He rang again and Fatout reappeared Fatout when did I think of going to Cheltenham and did not go
FATOUT
De Juillet twentyvon de last summer Monsieur Fatout retired
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
So it was An invaluable fellow that Mr Larynx—invaluable Miss
OCarroll
MARIONETTA
So I should judge indeed He seems to serve you as a walking memory and to be a living chronicle not of your actions only but of your thoughts
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
An excellent definition of the fellow Miss OCarroll—excellent upon my honour Ha ha he Heigho Laughter is pleasant but the exertion is too much for me
A parcel was brought in for Mr Listless it had been sent express Fatout was summoned to unpack it and it proved to contain a new novel and a new poem both of which had long been anxiously expected by the whole host of fashionable readers and the last number of a popular Review of which the editor and his coadjutors were in high favour at court and enjoyed ample pensions5 for their services to church and state As Fatout left the room Mr Flosky entered and curiously inspected the literary arrivals
MR FLOSKY
Turning over the leaves Devilman a novel Hm Hatred—revenge— misanthropy—and quotations from the Bible Hm This is the morbid anatomy of black bile—Paul Jones a poem Hm I see how it is Paul Jones an amiable enthusiast—disappointed in his affections— turns pirate from ennui and magnanimity—cuts various masculine throats wins various feminine hearts—is hanged at the yardarm The catastrophe is very awkward and very unpoetical—The Downing Street Review Hm First article—An Ode to the Red Book by Roderick Sackbut Esquire Hm His own poem reviewed by himself Hm—m—m
Mr Flosky proceeded in silence to look over the other articles of the review Marionetta inspected the novel and Mr Listless the poem
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
For a young man of fashion and family Mr Listless you seem to be of a very studious turn
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Studious You are pleased to be facetious Mr Larynx I hope you do not suspect me of being studious I have finished my education But there are some fashionable books that one must read because they are ingredients of the talk of the day otherwise I am no fonder of books than I dare say you yourself are Mr Larynx
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
Why sir I cannot say that I am indeed particularly fond of books yet neither can I say that I never do read A tale or a poem now and then to a circle of ladies over their work is no very heterodox employment of the vocal energy And I must say for myself that few men have a more Joblike endurance of the eternally recurring questions and answers that interweave themselves on these occasions with the crisis of an adventure and heighten the distress of a tragedy
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
And very often make the distress when the author has omitted it
MARIONETTA
I shall try your patience some rainy morning Mr Larynx and Mr Listless shall recommend us the very newest new book that every body reads
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
You shall receive it Miss OCarroll with all the gloss of novelty fresh as a ripe greengage in all the downiness of its bloom A mailcoach copy from Edinburgh forwarded express from London
MR FLOSKY
This rage for novelty is the bane of literature Except my works and those of my particular friends nothing is good that is not as old as Jeremy Taylor and entre nous the best parts of my friends books were either written or suggested by myself
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Sir I reverence you But I must say modern books are very consolatory and congenial to my feelings There is as it were a delightful northeast wind an intellectual blight breathing through them a delicious misanthropy and discontent that demonstrates the nullity of virtue and energy and puts me in good humour with myself and my sofa
MR FLOSKY
Very true sir Modern literature is a northeast wind—a blight of the human soul I take credit to myself for having helped to make it so The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower You call this a paradox Marry so be it Ponder thereon
The conversation was interrupted by the reappearance of Mr Toobad covered with mud He just showed himself at the door muttered The devil is come among you and vanished The road which connected Nightmare Abbey with the civilised world was artificially raised above the level of the fens and ran through them in a straight line as far as the eye could reach with a ditch on each side of which the water was rendered invisible by the aquatic vegetation that covered the surface Into one of these ditches the sudden action of a shy horse which took fright at a windmill had precipitated the travelling chariot of Mr Toobad who had been reduced to the necessity of scrambling in dismal plight through the window One of the wheels was found to be broken and Mr Toobad leaving the postilion to get the chariot as well as he could to Claydyke for the purpose of cleaning and repairing had walked back to Nightmare Abbey followed by his servant with the imperial and repeating all the way his favourite quotation from the Revelations
CHAPTER VI
Mr Toobad had found his daughter Celinda in London and after the first joy of meeting was over told her he had a husband ready for her The young lady replied very gravely that she should take the liberty to choose for herself Mr Toobad said he saw the devil was determined to interfere with all his projects but he was resolved on his own part not to have on his conscience the crime of passive obedience and nonresistance to Lucifer and therefore she should marry the person he had chosen for her Miss Toobad replied très posément she assuredly would not Celinda Celinda said Mr Toobad you most assuredly shall—Have I not a fortune in my own right sir said Celinda The more is the pity said Mr Toobad but I can find means miss I can find means There are more ways than one of breaking in obstinate girls They parted for the night with the expression of opposite resolutions and in the morning the young ladys chamber was found empty and what was become of her Mr Toobad had no clue to conjecture He continued to investigate town and country in search of her visiting and revisiting Nightmare Abbey at intervals to consult with his friend Mr Glowry Mr Glowry agreed with Mr Toobad that this was a very flagrant instance of filial disobedience and rebellion and Mr Toobad declared that when he discovered the fugitive she should find that the devil was come unto her having great wrath
In the evening the whole party met as usual in the library Marionetta sat at the harp the Honourable Mr Listless sat by her and turned over her music though the exertion was almost too much for him The Reverend Mr Larynx relieved him occasionally in this delightful labour Scythrop tormented by the demon Jealousy sat in the corner biting his lips and fingers Marionetta looked at him every now and then with a smile of most provoking good humour which he pretended not to see and which only the more exasperated his troubled spirit He took down a volume of Dante and pretended to be deeply interested in the Purgatorio though he knew not a word he was reading as Marionetta was well aware who tripping across the room peeped into his book and said to him I see you are in the middle of Purgatory—I am in the middle of hell said Scythrop furiously Are you said she then come across the room and I will sing you the finale of Don Giovanni
Let me alone said Scythrop Marionetta looked at him with a deprecating smile and said You unjust cross creature you—Let me alone said Scythrop but much less emphatically than at first and by no means wishing to be taken at his word Marionetta left him immediately and returning to the harp said just loud enough for Scythrop to hear—Did you ever read Dante Mr Listless Scythrop is reading Dante and is just now in Purgatory—And I said the Honourable Mr Listless am not reading Dante and am just now in Paradise bowing to Marionetta
MARIONETTA
You are very gallant Mr Listless and I dare say you are very fond of reading Dante
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
I dont know how it is but Dante never came in my way till lately I never had him in my collection and if I had had him I should not have read him But I find he is growing fashionable and I am afraid I must read him some wet morning
MARIONETTA
No read him some evening by all means Were you ever in love Mr
Listless
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
I assure you Miss OCarroll never—till I came to Nightmare Abbey I dare say it is very pleasant but it seems to give so much trouble that I fear the exertion would be too much for me
MARIONETTA
Shall I teach you a compendious method of courtship that will give you no trouble whatever
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
You will confer on me an inexpressible obligation I am all impatience to learn it
MARIONETTA
Sit with your back to the lady and read Dante only be sure to begin in the middle and turn over three or four pages at once—backwards as well as forwards and she will immediately perceive that you are desperately in love with her—desperately
The Honourable Mr Listless sitting between Scythrop and Marionetta and fixing all his attention on the beautiful speaker did not observe Scythrop who was doing as she described
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
You are pleased to be facetious Miss OCarroll The lady would infallibly conclude that I was the greatest brute in town
MARIONETTA
Far from it She would say perhaps some people have odd methods of showing their affection
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
But I should think with submission—
MR FLOSKY joining them from another part of the room
Did I not hear Mr Listless observe that Dante is becoming fashionable
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
I did hazard a remark to that effect Mr Flosky though I speak on such subjects with a consciousness of my own nothingness in the presence of so great a man as Mr Flosky I know not what is the colour of Dantes devils but as he is certainly becoming fashionable I conclude they are blue for the blue devils as it seems to me Mr Flosky constitute the fundamental feature of fashionable literature
MR FLOSKY
The blue are indeed the staple commodity but as they will not always be commanded the black red and grey may be admitted as substitutes Tea late dinners and the French Revolution have played the devil Mr Listless and brought the devil into play
MR TOOBAD starting up
Having great wrath
MR FLOSKY
This is no play upon words but the sober sadness of veritable fact
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Tea late dinners and the French Revolution I cannot exactly see the connection of ideas
MR FLOSKY
I should be sorry if you could I pity the man who can see the connection of his own ideas Still more do I pity him the connection of whose ideas any other person can see Sir the great evil is that there is too much commonplace light in our moral and political literature and light is a great enemy to mystery and mystery is a great friend to enthusiasm Now the enthusiasm for abstract truth is an exceedingly fine thing as long as the truth which is the object of the enthusiasm is so completely abstract as to be altogether out of the reach of the human faculties and in that sense I have myself an enthusiasm for truth but in no other for the pleasure of metaphysical investigation lies in the means not in the end and if the end could be found the pleasure of the means would cease The mind to be kept in health must be kept in exercise The proper exercise of the mind is elaborate reasoning Analytical reasoning is a base and mechanical process which takes to pieces and examines bit by bit the rude material of knowledge and extracts therefrom a few hard and obstinate things called facts every thing in the shape of which I cordially hate But synthetical reasoning setting up as its goal some unattainable abstraction like an imaginary quantity in algebra and commencing its course with taking for granted some two assertions which cannot be proved from the union of these two assumed truths produces a third assumption and so on in infinite series to the unspeakable benefit of the human intellect The beauty of this process is that at every step it strikes out into two branches in a compound ratio of ramification so that you are perfectly sure of losing your way and keeping your mind in perfect health by the perpetual exercise of an interminable quest and for these reasons I have christened my eldest son Emanuel Kant Flosky
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
Nothing can be more luminous
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
And what has all that to do with Dante and the blue devils
MR HILARY
Not much I should think with Dante but a great deal with the blue devils
MR FLOSKY
It is very certain and much to be rejoiced at that our literature is hagridden Tea has shattered our nerves late dinners make us slaves of indigestion the French Revolution has made us shrink from the name of philosophy and has destroyed in the more refined part of the community of which number I am one all enthusiasm for political liberty That part of the reading public which shuns the solid food of reason for the light diet of fiction requires a perpetual adhibition of sauce piquante to the palate of its depraved imagination It lived upon ghosts goblins and skeletons I and my friend Mr Sackbut served up a few of the best till even the devil himself though magnified to the size of Mount Athos became too base common and popular for its surfeited appetite The ghosts have therefore been laid and the devil has been cast into outer darkness and now the delight of our spirits is to dwell on all the vices and blackest passions of our nature tricked out in a masquerade dress of heroism and disappointed benevolence the whole secret of which lies in forming combinations that contradict all our experience and affixing the purple shred of some particular virtue to that precise character in which we should be most certain not to find it in the living world and making this single virtue not only redeem all the real and manifest vices of the character but make them actually pass for necessary adjuncts and indispensable accompaniments and characteristics of the said virtue
MR TOOBAD
That is because the devil is come among us and finds it for his interest to destroy all our perceptions of the distinctions of right and wrong
MARIONETTA
I do not precisely enter into your meaning Mr Flosky and should be glad if you would make it a little more plain to me
MR FLOSKY
One or two examples will do it Miss OCarroll If I were to take all the mean and sordid qualities of a moneydealing Jew and tack on to them as with a nail the quality of extreme benevolence I should have a very decent hero for a modern novel and should contribute my quota to the fashionable method of administering a mass of vice under a thin and unnatural covering of virtue like a spider wrapt in a bit of gold leaf and administered as a wholesome pill On the same principle if a man knocks me down and takes my purse and watch by main force I turn him to account and set him forth in a tragedy as a dashing young fellow disinherited for his romantic generosity and full of a most amiable hatred of the world in general and his own country in particular and of a most enlightened and chivalrous affection for himself then with the addition of a wild girl to fall in love with him and a series of adventures in which they break all the Ten Commandments in succession always you will observe for some sublime motive which must be carefully analysed in its progress I have as amiable a pair of tragic characters as ever issued from that new region of the belles lettres which I have called the Morbid Anatomy of Black Bile and which is greatly to be admired and rejoiced at as affording a fine scope for the exhibition of mental power
MR HILARY
Which is about as well employed as the power of a hothouse would be in forcing up a nettle to the size of an elm If we go on in this way we shall have a new art of poetry of which one of the first rules will be To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine and music in the world
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
It seems to be the case with us at present or we should not have interrupted Miss OCarrolls music with this exceedingly dry conversation
MR FLOSKY
I should be most happy if Miss OCarroll would remind us that there are yet both music and sunshine—
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
In the voice and the smile of beauty May I entreat the favour of—turning over the pages of music
All were silent and Marionetta sung
Why are thy looks so blank grey friar
Why are thy looks so blue
Thou seemst more pale and lank grey friar
Than thou wast used to do—
Say what has made thee rue
Thy form was plump and a light did shine
In thy round and ruby face
Which showed an outward visible sign
Of an inward spiritual grace—
Say what has changed thy case
Yet will I tell thee true grey friar
I very well can see
That if thy looks are blue grey friar
Tis all for love of me—
Tis all for love of me
But breathe not thy vows to me grey friar
Oh breathe them not I pray
For ill beseems in a reverend friar
The love of a mortal may
And I needs must say thee nay
But couldst thou think my heart to move
With that pale and silent scowl
Know he who would win a maidens love
Whether clad in cap or cowl
Must be more of a lark than an owl
Scythrop immediately replaced Dante on the shelf and joined the circle round the beautiful singer Marionetta gave him a smile of approbation that fully restored his complacency and they continued on the best possible terms during the remainder of the evening The Honourable Mr Listless turned over the leaves with double alacrity saying You are severe upon invalids Miss OCarroll to escape your satire I must try to be sprightly though the exertion is too much for me
CHAPTER VII
A new visitor arrived at the Abbey in the person of Mr Asterias the ichthyologist This gentleman had passed his life in seeking the living wonders of the deep through the four quarters of the world he had a cabinet of stuffed and dried fishes of shells seaweeds corals and madrepores that was the admiration and envy of the Royal Society He had penetrated into the watery den of the Sepia Octopus disturbed the conjugal happiness of that turtledove of the ocean and come off victorious in a sanguinary conflict He had been becalmed in the tropical seas and had watched in eager expectation though unhappily always in vain to see the colossal polypus rise from the water and entwine its enormous arms round the masts and the rigging He maintained the origin of all things from water and insisted that the polypodes were the first of animated things and that from their round bodies and manyshooting arms the Hindoos had taken their gods the most ancient of deities But the chief object of his ambition the end and aim of his researches was to discover a triton and a mermaid the existence of which he most potently and implicitly believed and was prepared to demonstrate à priori à posteriori à fortiori synthetically and analytically syllogistically and inductively by arguments deduced both from acknowledged facts and plausible hypotheses A report that a mermaid had been seen sleeking her soft alluring locks on the seacoast of Lincolnshire had brought him in great haste from London to pay a longpromised and oftenpostponed visit to his old acquaintance Mr Glowry
Mr Asterias was accompanied by his son to whom he had given the name of Aquarius—flattering himself that he would in the process of time become a constellation among the stars of ichthyological science What charitable female had lent him the mould in which this son was cast no one pretended to know and as he never dropped the most distant allusion to Aquariuss mother some of the wags of London maintained that he had received the favours of a mermaid and that the scientific perquisitions which kept him always prowling about the seashore were directed by the less philosophical motive of regaining his lost love
Mr Asterias perlustrated the seacoast for several days and reaped disappointment but not despair One night shortly after his arrival he was sitting in one of the windows of the library looking towards the sea when his attention was attracted by a figure which was moving near the edge of the surf and which was dimly visible through the moonless summer night Its motions were irregular like those of a person in a state of indecision It had extremely long hair which floated in the wind Whatever else it might be it certainly was not a fisherman It might be a lady but it was neither Mrs Hilary nor Miss OCarroll for they were both in the library It might be one of the female servants but it had too much grace and too striking an air of habitual liberty to render it probable Besides what should one of the female servants be doing there at this hour moving to and fro as it seemed without any visible purpose It could scarcely be a stranger for Claydyke the nearest village was ten miles distant and what female would come ten miles across the fens for no purpose but to hover over the surf under the walls of Nightmare Abbey Might it not be a mermaid It was possibly a mermaid It was probably a mermaid It was very probably a mermaid Nay what else could it be but a mermaid It certainly was a mermaid Mr Asterias stole out of the library on tiptoe with his finger on his lips having beckoned Aquarius to follow him
The rest of the party was in great surprise at Mr Asteriass movement and some of them approached the window to see if the locality would tend to elucidate the mystery Presently they saw him and Aquarius cautiously stealing along on the other side of the moat but they saw nothing more and Mr Asterias returning told them with accents of great disappointment that he had had a glimpse of a mermaid but she had eluded him in the darkness and was gone he presumed to sup with some enamoured triton in a submarine grotto
But seriously Mr Asterias said the Honourable Mr Listless do you positively believe there are such things as mermaids
MR ASTERIAS
Most assuredly and tritons too
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
What things that are half human and half fish
MR ASTERIAS
Precisely They are the oranoutangs of the sea But I am persuaded that there are also complete sea men differing in no respect from us but that they are stupid and covered with scales for though our organisation seems to exclude us essentially from the class of amphibious animals yet anatomists well know that the foramen ovale may remain open in an adult and that respiration is in that case not necessary to life and how can it be otherwise explained that the Indian divers employed in the pearl fishery pass whole hours under the water and that the famous Swedish gardener of Troningholm lived a day and a half under the ice without being drowned A nereid or mermaid was taken in the year 1403 in a Dutch lake and was in every respect like a French woman except that she did not speak Towards the end of the seventeenth century an English ship a hundred and fifty leagues from land in the Greenland seas discovered a flotilla of sixty or seventy little skiffs in each of which was a triton or sea man at the approach of the English vessel the whole of them seized with simultaneous fear disappeared skiffs and all under the water as if they had been a human variety of the nautilus The illustrious Don Feijoo has preserved an authentic and wellattested story of a young Spaniard named Francis de la Vega who bathing with some of his friends in June 1674 suddenly dived under the sea and rose no more His friends thought him drowned they were plebeians and pious Catholics but a philosopher might very legitimately have drawn the same conclusion
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
Nothing could be more logical
MR ASTERIAS
Five years afterwards some fishermen near Cadiz found in their nets a triton or sea man they spoke to him in several languages—
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
They were very learned fishermen
MR HILARY
They had the gift of tongues by especial favour of their brother fisherman Saint Peter
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Is Saint Peter the tutelar saint of Cadiz
None of the company could answer this question and MR ASTERIAS proceeded
They spoke to him in several languages but he was as mute as a fish They handed him over to some holy friars who exorcised him but the devil was mute too After some days he pronounced the name Lierganes A monk took him to that village His mother and brothers recognised and embraced him but he was as insensible to their caresses as any other fish would have been He had some scales on his body which dropped off by degrees but his skin was as hard and rough as shagreen He stayed at home nine years without recovering his speech or his reason he then disappeared again and one of his old acquaintance some years after saw him pop his head out of the water near the coast of the Asturias These facts were certified by his brothers and by Don Gaspardo de la Riba Aguero Knight of Saint James who lived near Lierganes and often had the pleasure of our tritons company to dinner—Pliny mentions an embassy of the Olyssiponians to Tiberius to give him intelligence of a triton which had been heard playing on its shell in a certain cave with several other authenticated facts on the subject of tritons and nereids
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
You astonish me I have been much on the seashore in the season but I do not think I ever saw a mermaid He rang and summoned Fatout who made his appearance halfseasover Fatout did I ever see a mermaid
FATOUT
Mermaid merrmmaid Ah merry maid Oui monsieur Yes sir very many I vish dere vas von or two here in de kitchen—ma foi Dey be all as melancholic as so many tombstone
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
I mean Fatout an odd kind of human fish
FATOUT
De odd fish Ah oui I understand de phrase ve have seen nothing else since ve left town—ma foi
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
You seem to have a cup too much sir
FATOUT
Non monsieur de cup too little De fen be very unwholesome and I drinkade ponch vid Raven de butler to keep out de bad air
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Fatout I insist on your being sober
FATOUT
Oui monsieur I vil be as sober as de révérendissime père Jean I should be ver glad of de merry maid but de butler be de odd fish and he swim in de bowl de ponch Ah ah I do recollect de leetlea song—About fair maids and about fair maids and about my merry maids all Fatout reeled out singing
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
I am overwhelmed I never saw the rascal in such a condition before But will you allow me Mr Asterias to inquire into the cui bono of all the pains and expense you have incurred to discover a mermaid The cui bono sir is the question I always take the liberty to ask when I see any one taking much trouble for any object I am myself a sort of Signor Pococurante and should like to know if there be any thing better or pleasanter than the state of existing and doing nothing
MR ASTERIAS
I have made many voyages Mr Listless to remote and barren shores I have travelled over desert and inhospitable lands I have defied danger—I have endured fatigue—I have submitted to privation In the midst of these I have experienced pleasures which I would not at any time have exchanged for that of existing and doing nothing I have known many evils but I have never known the worst of all which as it seems to me are those which are comprehended in the inexhaustible varieties of ennui spleen chagrin vapours blue devils timekilling discontent misanthropy and all their interminable train of fretfulness querulousness suspicions jealousies and fears which have alike infected society and the literature of society and which would make an arctic ocean of the human mind if the more humane pursuits of philosophy and science did not keep alive the better feelings and more valuable energies of our nature
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
You are pleased to be severe upon our fashionable belles lettres
MR ASTERIAS
Surely not without reason when pirates highwaymen and other varieties of the extensive genus Marauder are the only beau idéal of the active as splenetic and railing misanthropy is of the speculative energy A gloomy brow and a tragical voice seem to have been of late the characteristics of fashionable manners and a morbid withering deadly antisocial sirocco loaded with moral and political despair breathes through all the groves and valleys of the modern Parnassus while science moves on in the calm dignity of its course affording to youth delights equally pure and vivid—to maturity calm and grateful occupation—to old age the most pleasing recollections and inexhaustible materials of agreeable and salutary reflection and while its votary enjoys the disinterested pleasure of enlarging the intellect and increasing the comforts of society he is himself independent of the caprices of human intercourse and the accidents of human fortune Nature is his great and inexhaustible treasure His days are always too short for his enjoyment ennui is a stranger to his door At peace with the world and with his own mind he suffices to himself makes all around him happy and the close of his pleasing and beneficial existence is the evening of a beautiful day6
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Really I should like very well to lead such a life myself but the exertion would be too much for me Besides I have been at college I contrive to get through my day by sinking the morning in bed and killing the evening in company dressing and dining in the intermediate space and stopping the chinks and crevices of the few vacant moments that remain with a little easy reading And that amiable discontent and antisociality which you reprobate in our present drawingroomtable literature I find I do assure you a very fine mental tonic which reconciles me to my favourite pursuit of doing nothing by showing me that nobody is worth doing any thing for
MARIONETTA
But is there not in such compositions a kind of unconscious selfdetection which seems to carry their own antidote with them For surely no one who cordially and truly either hates or despises the world will publish a volume every three months to say so
MR FLOSKY
There is a secret in all this which I will elucidate with a dusky remark According to Berkeley the esse of things is percipi They exist as they are perceived But leaving for the present as far as relates to the material world the materialists hyloists and antihyloists to settle this point among them which is indeed
A subtle question raised among
Those out o their wits and those i the wrong
for only we transcendentalists are in the right we may very safely assert that the esse of happiness is percipi It exists as it is perceived It is the mind that maketh well or ill The elements of pleasure and pain are every where The degree of happiness that any circumstances or objects can confer on us depends on the mental disposition with which we approach them If you consider what is meant by the common phrases a happy disposition and a discontented temper you will perceive that the truth for which I am contending is universally admitted
Mr Flosky suddenly stopped he found himself unintentionally trespassing within the limits of common sense
MR HILARY
It is very true a happy disposition finds materials of enjoyment every where In the city or the country—in society or in solitude—in the theatre or the forest—in the hum of the multitude or in the silence of the mountains are alike materials of reflection and elements of pleasure It is one mode of pleasure to listen to the music of Don Giovanni in a theatre glittering with light and crowded with elegance and beauty it is another to glide at sunset over the bosom of a lonely lake where no sound disturbs the silence but the motion of the boat through the waters A happy disposition derives pleasure from both a discontented temper from neither but is always busy in detecting deficiencies and feeding dissatisfaction with comparisons The one gathers all the flowers the other all the nettles in its path The one has the faculty of enjoying every thing the other of enjoying nothing The one realises all the pleasure of the present good the other converts it into pain by pining after something better which is only better because it is not present and which if it were present would not be enjoyed These morbid spirits are in life what professed critics are in literature they see nothing but faults because they are predetermined to shut their eyes to beauties The critic does his utmost to blight genius in its infancy that which rises in spite of him he will not see and then he complains of the decline of literature In like manner these cankers of society complain of human nature and society when they have wilfully debarred themselves from all the good they contain and done their utmost to blight their own happiness and that of all around them Misanthropy is sometimes the product of disappointed benevolence but it is more frequently the offspring of overweening and mortified vanity quarrelling with the world for not being better treated than it deserves
SCYTHROP to Marionetta
These remarks are rather uncharitable There is great good in human nature but it is at present illconditioned Ardent spirits cannot but be dissatisfied with things as they are and according to their views of the probabilities of amelioration they will rush into the extremes of either hope or despair—of which the first is enthusiasm and the second misanthropy but their sources in this case are the same as the Severn and the Wye run in different directions and both rise in Plinlimmon
MARIONETTA
And there is salmon in both for the resemblance is about as close as that between Macedon and Monmouth
CHAPTER VIII
Marionetta observed the next day a remarkable perturbation in Scythrop for which she could not imagine any probable cause She was willing to believe at first that it had some transient and trifling source and would pass off in a day or two but contrary to this expectation it daily increased She was well aware that Scythrop had a strong tendency to the love of mystery for its own sake that is to say he would employ mystery to serve a purpose but would first choose his purpose by its capability of mystery He seemed now to have more mystery on his hands than the laws of the system allowed and to wear his coat of darkness with an air of great discomfort All her little playful arts lost by degrees much of their power either to irritate or to soothe and the first perception of her diminished influence produced in her an immediate depression of spirits and a consequent sadness of demeanour that rendered her very interesting to Mr Glowry who duly considering the improbability of accomplishing his wishes with respect to Miss Toobad which improbability naturally increased in the diurnal ratio of that young ladys absence began to reconcile himself by degrees to the idea of Marionetta being his daughter
Marionetta made many ineffectual attempts to extract from Scythrop the secret of his mystery and in despair of drawing it from himself began to form hopes that she might find a clue to it from Mr Flosky who was Scythrops dearest friend and was more frequently than any other person admitted to his solitary tower Mr Flosky however had ceased to be visible in a morning He was engaged in the composition of a dismal ballad and Marionettas uneasiness overcoming her scruples of decorum she determined to seek him in the apartment which he had chosen for his study She tapped at the door and at the sound Come in entered the apartment It was noon and the sun was shining in full splendour much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky who had obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters and drawing the windowcurtains He was sitting at his table by the light of a solitary candle with a pen in one hand and a muffineer in the other with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick to make it burn blue He sate with his eye in a fine frenzy rolling and turned his inspired gaze on Marionetta as if she had been the ghastly ladie of a magical vision then placed his hand before his eyes with an appearance of manifest pain—shook his head—withdrew his hand—rubbed his eyes like a waking man—and said in a tone of ruefulness most jeremitaylorically pathetic To what am I to attribute this very unexpected pleasure my dear Miss OCarroll
MARIONETTA
I must apologise for intruding on you Mr Flosky but the interest which I—you—take in my cousin Scythrop—
MR FLOSKY
Pardon me Miss OCarroll I do not take any interest in any person or thing on the face of the earth which sentiment if you analyse it you will find to be the quintessence of the most refined philanthropy
MARIONETTA
I will take it for granted that it is so Mr Flosky I am not conversant with metaphysical subtleties but—
MR FLOSKY
Subtleties my dear Miss OCarroll I am sorry to find you participating in the vulgar error of the reading public to whom an unusual collocation of words involving a juxtaposition of antiperistatical ideas immediately suggests the notion of hyperoxysophistical paradoxology
MARIONETTA
Indeed Mr Flosky it suggests no such notion to me I have sought you for the purpose of obtaining information
MR FLOSKY shaking his head
No one ever sought me for such a purpose before
MARIONETTA
I think Mr Flosky—that is I believe—that is I fancy—that is I imagine—
MR FLOSKY
The Greek toytesti the id est the cioè the cest à dire the that is my dear Miss OCarroll is not applicable in this case—if you will permit me to take the liberty of saying so Think is not synonymous with believe—for belief in many most important particulars results from the total absence the absolute negation of thought and is thereby the sane and orthodox condition of mind and thought and belief are both essentially different from fancy and fancy again is distinct from imagination This distinction between fancy and imagination is one of the most abstruse and important points of metaphysics I have written seven hundred pages of promise to elucidate it which promise I shall keep as faithfully as the bank will its promise to pay
MARIONETTA
I assure you Mr Flosky I care no more about metaphysics than I do about the bank and if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl in intelligible terms—
MR FLOSKY
Say not condescend Know you not that you talk to the most humble of men to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity and clothed himself with humility as with a garment
MARIONETTA
My cousin Scythrop has of late had an air of mystery about him which gives me great uneasiness
MR FLOSKY
That is strange nothing is so becoming to a man as an air of mystery Mystery is the very keystone of all that is beautiful in poetry all that is sacred in faith and all that is recondite in transcendental psychology I am writing a ballad which is all mystery it is such stuff as dreams are made of and is indeed stuff made of a dream for last night I fell asleep as usual over my book and had a vision of pure reason. I composed five hundred lines in my sleep so that having had a dream of a ballad I am now officiating as my own Peter Quince and making a ballad of my dream and it shall be called Bottoms Dream because it has no bottom
MARIONETTA
I see Mr Flosky you think my intrusion unseasonable and are inclined to punish it by talking nonsense to me Mr Flosky gave a start at the word nonsense which almost overturned the table I assure you I would not have intruded if I had not been very much interested in the question I wish to ask you—Mr Flosky listened in sullen dignity—My cousin Scythrop seems to have some secret preying on his mind—Mr Flosky was silent—He seems very unhappy—Mr Flosky—Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause—Mr Flosky was still silent—I only wish to know—Mr Flosky—if it is any thing—that could be remedied by any thing—that any one—of whom I know any thing—could do
MR FLOSKY after a pause
There are various ways of getting at secrets The most approved methods as recommended both theoretically and practically in philosophical novels are eavesdropping at keyholes picking the locks of chests and desks peeping into letters steaming wafers and insinuating hot wire under sealing wax none of which methods I hold it lawful to practise
MARIONETTA
Surely Mr Flosky you cannot suspect me of wishing to adopt or encourage such base and contemptible arts
MR FLOSKY
Yet are they recommended and with wellstrung reasons by writers of gravity and note as simple and easy methods of studying character and gratifying that laudable curiosity which aims at the knowledge of man
MARIONETTA
I am as ignorant of this morality which you do not approve as of the metaphysics which you do I should be glad to know by your means what is the matter with my cousin I do not like to see him unhappy and I suppose there is some reason for it
MR FLOSKY
Now I should rather suppose there is no reason for it it is the fashion to be unhappy To have a reason for being so would be exceedingly commonplace to be so without any is the province of genius the art of being miserable for miserys sake has been brought to great perfection in our days and the ancient Odyssey which held forth a shining example of the endurance of real misfortune will give place to a modern one setting out a more instructive picture of querulous impatience under imaginary evils
MARIONETTA
Will you oblige me Mr Flosky by giving me a plain answer to a plain question
MR FLOSKY
It is impossible my dear Miss OCarroll I never gave a plain answer to a question in my life
MARIONETTA
Do you or do you not know what is the matter with my cousin
MR FLOSKY
To say that I do not know would be to say that I am ignorant of something and God forbid that a transcendental metaphysician who has pure anticipated cognitions of every thing and carries the whole science of geometry in his head without ever having looked into Euclid should fall into so empirical an error as to declare himself ignorant of any thing to say that I do know would be to pretend to positive and circumstantial knowledge touching present matter of fact which when you consider the nature of evidence and the various lights in which the same thing may be seen—
MARIONETTA
I see Mr Flosky that either you have no information or are determined not to impart it and I beg your pardon for having given you this unnecessary trouble
MR FLOSKY
My dear Miss OCarroll it would have given me great pleasure to have said any thing that would have given you pleasure but if any person living could make report of having obtained any information on any subject from Ferdinando Flosky my transcendental reputation would be ruined for ever
CHAPTER IX
Scythrop grew every day more reserved mysterious and distrait and gradually lengthened the duration of his diurnal seclusions in his tower Marionetta thought she perceived in all this very manifest symptoms of a warm love cooling
It was seldom that she found herself alone with him in the morning and on these occasions if she was silent in the hope of his speaking first not a syllable would he utter if she spoke to him indirectly he assented monosyllabically if she questioned him his answers were brief constrained and evasive Still though her spirits were depressed her playfulness had not so totally forsaken her but that it illuminated at intervals the gloom of Nightmare Abbey and if on any occasion she observed in Scythrop tokens of unextinguished or returning passion her love of tormenting her lover immediately got the better both of her grief and her sympathy though not of her curiosity which Scythrop seemed determined not to satisfy This playfulness however was in a great measure artificial and usually vanished with the irritable Strephon to whose annoyance it had been exerted The Genius Loci the tutela of Nightmare Abbey the spirit of black melancholy began to set his seal on her pallescent countenance Scythrop perceived the change found his tender sympathies awakened and did his utmost to comfort the afflicted damsel assuring her that his seeming inattention had only proceeded from his being involved in a profound meditation on a very hopeful scheme for the regeneration of human society Marionetta called him ungrateful cruel coldhearted and accompanied her reproaches with many sobs and tears poor Scythrop growing every moment more soft and submissive—till at length he threw himself at her feet and declared that no competition of beauty however dazzling genius however transcendent talents however cultivated or philosophy however enlightened should ever make him renounce his divine Marionetta
Competition thought Marionetta and suddenly with an air of the most freezing indifference she said You are perfectly at liberty sir to do as you please I beg you will follow your own plans without any reference to me
Scythrop was confounded What was become of all her passion and her tears Still kneeling he kissed her hand with rueful timidity and said in most pathetic accents Do you not love me Marionetta
No said Marionetta with a look of cold composure No Scythrop still looked up incredulously No I tell you
Oh very well madam said Scythrop rising if that is the case there are those in the world—
To be sure there are sir—and do you suppose I do not see through your designs you ungenerous monster
My designs Marionetta
Yes your designs Scythrop You have come here to cast me off and artfully contrive that it should appear to be my doing and not yours thinking to quiet your tender conscience with this pitiful stratagem But do not suppose that you are of so much consequence to me do not suppose it you are of no consequence to me at all—none at all therefore leave me I renounce you leave me why do you not leave me
Scythrop endeavoured to remonstrate but without success She reiterated her injunctions to him to leave her till in the simplicity of his spirit he was preparing to comply When he had nearly reached the door Marionetta said Farewell Scythrop looked back Farewell Scythrop she repeated you will never see me again
Never see you again Marionetta
I shall go from hence tomorrow perhaps today and before we meet again one of us will be married and we might as well be dead you know Scythrop
The sudden change of her voice in the last few words and the burst of tears that accompanied them acted like electricity on the tenderhearted youth and in another instant a complete reconciliation was accomplished without the intervention of words
There are indeed some learned casuists who maintain that love has no language and that all the misunderstandings and dissensions of lovers arise from the fatal habit of employing words on a subject to which words are inapplicable that love beginning with looks that is to say with the physiognomical expression of congenial mental dispositions tends through a regular gradation of signs and symbols of affection to that consummation which is most devoutly to be wished and that it neither is necessary that there should be nor probable that there would be a single word spoken from first to last between two sympathetic spirits were it not that the arbitrary institutions of society have raised at every step of this very simple process so many complicated impediments and barriers in the shape of settlements and ceremonies parents and guardians lawyers Jewbrokers and parsons that many an adventurous knight who in order to obtain the conquest of the Hesperian fruit is obliged to fight his way through all these monsters is either repulsed at the onset or vanquished before the achievement of his enterprise and such a quantity of unnatural talking is rendered inevitably necessary through all the stages of the progression that the tender and volatile spirit of love often takes flight on the pinions of some of the Greek epea pteroenta or winged words which are pressed into his service in despite of himself
At this conjuncture Mr Glowry entered and sitting down near them said I see how it is and as we are all sure to be miserable do what we may there is no need of taking pains to make one another more so therefore with Gods blessing and mine there—joining their hands as he spoke
Scythrop was not exactly prepared for this decisive step but he could only stammer out Really sir you are too good and Mr Glowry departed to bring Mr Hilary to ratify the act
Now whatever truth there may be in the theory of love and language of which we have so recently spoken certain it is that during Mr Glowrys absence which lasted half an hour not a single word was said by either Scythrop or Marionetta
Mr Glowry returned with Mr Hilary who was delighted at the prospect of so advantageous an establishment for his orphan niece of whom he considered himself in some manner the guardian and nothing remained as Mr Glowry observed but to fix the day
Marionetta blushed and was silent Scythrop was also silent for a time and at length hesitatingly said My deal sir your goodness overpowers me but really you are so precipitate
Now this remark if the young lady had made it would whether she thought it or not—for sincerity is a thing of no account on these occasions nor indeed on any other according to Mr Flosky—this remark if the young lady had made it would have been perfectly comme il faut but being made by the young gentleman it was toute autre chose and was indeed in the eyes of his mistress a most heinous and irremissible offence Marionetta was angry very angry but she concealed her anger and said calmly and coldly Certainly you are much too precipitate Mr Glowry I assure you sir I have by no means made up my mind and indeed as far as I know it it inclines the other way but it will be quite time enough to think of these matters seven years hence Before surprise permitted reply the young lady had locked herself up in her own apartment
Why Scythrop said Mr Glowry elongating his face exceedingly the devil is come among us sure enough as Mr Toobad observes I thought you and Marionetta were both of a mind
So we are I believe sir said Scythrop gloomily and stalked away to his tower
Mr Glowry said Mr Hilary I do not very well understand all this
Whims brother Hilary said Mr Glowry some little foolish love quarrel nothing more Whims freaks April showers They will be blown over by tomorrow
If not said Mr Hilary these April showers have made us April fools
Ah said Mr Glowry you are a happy man and in all your afflictions you can console yourself with a joke let it be ever so bad provided you crack it yourself I should be very happy to laugh with you if it would give you any satisfaction but really at present my heart is so sad that I find it impossible to levy a contribution on my muscles
CHAPTER X
On the evening on which Mr Asterias had caught a glimpse of a female figure on the seashore which he had translated into the visual sign of his interior cognition of a mermaid Scythrop retiring to his tower found his study preoccupied A stranger muffled in a cloak was sitting at his table Scythrop paused in surprise The stranger rose at his entrance and looked at him intently a few minutes in silence The eyes of the stranger alone were visible All the rest of the figure was muffled and mantled in the folds of a black cloak which was raised by the right hand to the level of the eyes This scrutiny being completed the stranger dropping the cloak said I see by your physiognomy that you may be trusted and revealed to the astonished Scythrop a female form and countenance of dazzling grace and beauty with long flowing hair of raven blackness and large black eyes of almost oppressive brilliancy which strikingly contrasted with a complexion of snowy whiteness Her dress was extremely elegant but had an appearance of foreign fashion as if both the lady and her mantuamaker were of a far countree
I guess twas frightful there to see
A lady so richly clad as she
Beautiful exceedingly
For if it be terrible to one young lady to find another under a tree at midnight it must à fortiori be much more terrible to a young gentleman to find a young lady in his study at that hour If the logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my readers I am sorry for their dulness and must refer them for more ample elucidation to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write on the Categories of Relation which comprehend Substance and Accident Cause and Effect, Action and Reaction
Scythrop therefore either was or ought to have been frightened at all events he was astonished and astonishment though not in itself fear is nevertheless a good stage towards it and is indeed as it were the halfway house between respect and terror according to Mr Burkes graduated scale of the sublime7
You are surprised said the lady yet why should you be surprised If you had met me in a drawingroom and I had been introduced to you by an old woman it would have been a matter of course can the division of two or three walls and the absence of an unimportant personage make the same object essentially different in the perception of a philosopher
Certainly not said Scythrop but when any class of objects has habitually presented itself to our perceptions in invariable conjunction with particular relations then on the sudden appearance of one object of the class divested of those accompaniments the essential difference of the relation is by an involuntary process transferred to the object itself which thus offers itself to our perceptions with all the strangeness of novelty
You are a philosopher said the lady and a lover of liberty You are the author of a treatise called Philosophical Gas or a Project for a General Illumination of the Human Mind
I am said Scythrop delighted at this first blossom of his renown
I am a stranger in this country said the lady I have been but a few days in it yet I find myself immediately under the necessity of seeking refuge from an atrocious persecution I had no friend to whom I could apply and in the midst of my difficulties accident threw your pamphlet in my way I saw that I had at least one kindred mind in this nation and determined to apply to you
And what would you have me do said Scythrop more and more amazed and not a little perplexed
I would have you said the young lady assist me in finding some place of retreat where I can remain concealed from the indefatigable search that is being made for me I have been so nearly caught once or twice already that I cannot confide any longer in my own ingenuity
Doubtless thought Scythrop this is one of my golden candlesticks I have constructed said he in this tower an entrance to a small suite of unknown apartments in the main building which I defy any creature living to detect If you would like to remain there a day or two till I can find you a more suitable concealment you may rely on the honour of a transcendental eleutherarch
I rely on myself said the lady I act as I please go where I please and let the world say what it will I am rich enough to set it at defiance It is the tyrant of the poor and the feeble but the slave of those who are above the reach of its injury
Scythrop ventured to inquire the name of his fair protégée What is a name said the lady any name will serve the purpose of distinction Call me Stella I see by your looks she added that you think all this very strange When you know me better your surprise will cease I submit not to be an accomplice in my sexs slavery I am like yourself a lover of freedom and I carry my theory into practice They alone are subject to blind authority who have no reliance on their own strength
Stella took possession of the recondite apartments Scythrop intended to find her another asylum but from day to day he postponed his intention and by degrees forgot it The young lady reminded him of it from day to day till she also forgot it Scythrop was anxious to learn her history but she would add nothing to what she had already communicated that she was shunning an atrocious persecution Scythrop thought of Lord C and the Alien Act and said As you will not tell your name I suppose it is in the green bag Stella not understanding what he meant was silent and Scythrop translating silence into acquiescence concluded that he was sheltering an illuminée whom Lord S suspected of an intention to take the Tower and set fire to the Bank exploits at least as likely to be accomplished by the hands and eyes of a young beauty as by a drunken cobbler and doctor armed with a pamphlet and an old stocking
Stella in her conversations with Scythrop displayed a highly cultivated and energetic mind full of impassioned schemes of liberty and impatience of masculine usurpation She had a lively sense of all the oppressions that are done under the sun and the vivid pictures which her imagination presented to her of the numberless scenes of injustice and misery which are being acted at every moment in every part of the inhabited world gave an habitual seriousness to her physiognomy that made it seem as if a smile had never once hovered on her lips She was intimately conversant with the German language and literature and Scythrop listened with delight to her repetitions of her favourite passages from Schiller and Goethe and to her encomiums on the sublime Spartacus Weishaupt the immortal founder of the sect of the Illuminati Scythrop found that his soul had a greater capacity of love than the image of Marionetta had filled The form of Stella took possession of every vacant corner of the cavity and by degrees displaced that of Marionetta from many of the outworks of the citadel though the latter still held possession of the keep He judged from his new friend calling herself Stella that if it were not her real name she was an admirer of the principles of the German play from which she had taken it and took an opportunity of leading the conversation to that subject but to his great surprise the lady spoke very ardently of the singleness and exclusiveness of love and declared that the reign of affection was one and indivisible that it might be transferred but could not be participated If I ever love said she I shall do so without limit or restriction I shall hold all difficulties light all sacrifices cheap all obstacles gossamer But for love so total I shall claim a return as absolute I will have no rival whether more or less favoured will be of little moment I will be neither first nor second—I will be alone The heart which I shall possess I will possess entirely or entirely renounce
Scythrop did not dare to mention the name of Marionetta he trembled lest some unlucky accident should reveal it to Stella though he scarcely knew what result to wish or anticipate and lived in the double fever of a perpetual dilemma He could not dissemble to himself that he was in love at the same time with two damsels of minds and habits as remote as the antipodes The scale of predilection always inclined to the fair one who happened to be present but the absent was never effectually outweighed though the degrees of exaltation and depression varied according to accidental variations in the outward and visible signs of the inward and spiritual graces of his respective charmers Passing and repassing several times a day from the company of the one to that of the other he was like a shuttlecock between two battledores changing its direction as rapidly as the oscillations of a pendulum receiving many a hard knock on the cork of a sensitive heart and flying from point to point on the feathers of a supersublimated head This was an awful state of things He had now as much mystery about him as any romantic transcendentalist or transcendental romancer could desire He had his esoterical and his exoterical love He could not endure the thought of losing either of them but he trembled when he imagined the possibility that some fatal discovery might deprive him of both The old proverb concerning two strings to a bow gave him some gleams of comfort but that concerning two stools occurred to him more frequently and covered his forehead with a cold perspiration With Stella he could indulge freely in all his romantic and philosophical visions He could build castles in the air and she would pile towers and turrets on the imaginary edifices With Marionetta it was otherwise she knew nothing of the world and society beyond the sphere of her own experience Her life was all music and sunshine and she wondered what any one could see to complain of in such a pleasant state of things She loved Scythrop she hardly knew why indeed she was not always sure that she loved him at all she felt her fondness increase or diminish in an inverse ratio to his When she had manoeuvred him into a fever of passionate love she often felt and always assumed indifference if she found that her coldness was contagious and that Scythrop either was or pretended to be as indifferent as herself she would become doubly kind and raise him again to that elevation from which she had previously thrown him down Thus when his love was flowing hers was ebbing when his was ebbing hers was flowing Now and then there were moments of level tide when reciprocal affection seemed to promise imperturbable harmony but Scythrop could scarcely resign his spirit to the pleasing illusion before the pinnace of the lovers affections was caught in some eddy of the ladys caprice and he was whirled away from the shore of his hopes without rudder or compass into an ocean of mists and storms It resulted from this system of conduct that all that passed between Scythrop and Marionetta consisted in making and unmaking love He had no opportunity to take measure of her understanding by conversations on general subjects and on his favourite designs and being left in this respect to the exercise of indefinite conjecture he took it for granted as most lovers would do in similar circumstances that she had great natural talents which she wasted at present on trifles but coquetry would end with marriage and leave room for philosophy to exert its influence on her mind Stella had no coquetry no disguise she was an enthusiast in subjects of general interest and her conduct to Scythrop was always uniform or rather showed a regular progression of partiality which seemed fast ripening into love
CHAPTER XI
Scythrop attending one day the summons to dinner found in the drawingroom his friend Mr Cypress the poet whom he had known at college and who was a great favourite of Mr Glowry Mr Cypress said he was on the point of leaving England but could not think of doing so without a farewelllook at Nightmare Abbey and his respected friends the moody Mr Glowry and the mysterious Mr Scythrop the sublime Mr Flosky and the pathetic Mr Listless to all of whom and the morbid hospitality of the melancholy dwelling in which they were then assembled he assured them he should always look back with as much affection as his lacerated spirit could feel for any thing The sympathetic condolence of their respective replies was cut short by Ravens announcement of dinner on table
The conversation that took place when the wine was in circulation and the ladies were withdrawn we shall report with our usual scrupulous fidelity
MR GLOWRY
You are leaving England Mr Cypress There is a delightful melancholy in saying farewell to an old acquaintance when the chances are twenty to one against ever meeting again A smiling bumper to a sad parting and let us all be unhappy together
MR CYPRESS filling a bumper
This is the only social habit that the disappointed spirit never unlearns
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX filling
It is the only piece of academical learning that the finished educatee retains
MR FLOSKY filling
It is the only objective fact which the sceptic can realise
SCYTHROP filling
It is the only styptic for a bleeding heart
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS filling
It is the only trouble that is very well worth taking
MR ASTERIAS filling
It is the only key of conversational truth
MR TOOBAD filling
It is the only antidote to the great wrath of the devil
MR HILARY filling
It is the only symbol of perfect life The inscription HIC NON
BIBITUR will suit nothing but a tombstone
MR GLOWRY
You will see many fine old ruins Mr Cypress crumbling pillars and mossy walls—many a onelegged Venus and headless Minerva—many a Neptune buried in sand—many a Jupiter turned topsyturvy—many a perforated Bacchus doing duty as a waterpipe—many reminiscences of the ancient world which I hope was better worth living in than the modern though for myself I care not a straw more for one than the other and would not go twenty miles to see any thing that either could show
MR CYPRESS
It is something to seek Mr Glowry The mind is restless and must persist in seeking though to find is to be disappointed Do you feel no aspirations towards the countries of Socrates and Cicero No wish to wander among the venerable remains of the greatness that has passed for ever
MR GLOWRY
Not a grain
SCYTHROP
It is indeed much the same as if a lover should dig up the buried form of his mistress and gaze upon relics which are any thing but herself to wander among a few mouldy ruins that are only imperfect indexes to lost volumes of glory and meet at every step the more melancholy ruins of human nature—a degenerate race of stupid and shrivelled slaves grovelling in the lowest depths of servility and superstition
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
It is the fashion to go abroad I have thought of it myself but am hardly equal to the exertion To be sure a little eccentricity and originality are allowable in some cases and the most eccentric and original of all characters is an Englishman who stays at home
SCYTHROP
I should have no pleasure in visiting countries that are past all hope of regeneration There is great hope of our own and it seems to me that an Englishman who either by his station in society or by his genius or as in your instance Mr Cypress by both has the power of essentially serving his country in its arduous struggle with its domestic enemies yet forsakes his country which is still so rich in hope to dwell in others which are only fertile in the ruins of memory does what none of those ancients whose fragmentary memorials you venerate would have done in similar circumstances
MR CYPRESS
Sir I have quarrelled with my wife and a man who has quarrelled with his wife is absolved from all duty to his country I have written an ode to tell the people as much and they may take it as they list
SCYTHROP
Do you suppose if Brutus had quarrelled with his wife he would have given it as a reason to Cassius for having nothing to do with his enterprise Or would Cassius have been satisfied with such an excuse
MR FLOSKY
Brutus was a senator so is our dear friend but the cases are different Brutus had some hope of political good Mr Cypress has none How should he after what we have seen in France
SCYTHROP
A Frenchman is born in harness ready saddled bitted and bridled for any tyrant to ride He will fawn under his rider one moment and throw him and kick him to death the next but another adventurer springs on his back and by dint of whip and spur on he goes as before We may without much vanity hope better of ourselves
MR CYPRESS
I have no hope for myself or for others Our life is a false nature it is not in the harmony of things it is an allblasting upas whose root is earth and whose leaves are the skies which rain their poisondews upon mankind We wither from our youth we gasp with unslaked thirst for unattainable good lured from the first to the last by phantoms—love fame ambition avarice—all idle and all ill—one meteor of many names that vanishes in the smoke of death8
MR FLOSKY
A most delightful speech Mr Cypress A most amiable and instructive philosophy You have only to impress its truth on the minds of all living men and life will then indeed be the desert and the solitude and I must do you myself and our mutual friends the justice to observe that let society only give fair play at one and the same time as I flatter myself it is inclined to do to your system of morals and my system of metaphysics and Scythrops system of politics and Mr Listlesss system of manners and Mr Toobads system of religion and the result will be as fine a mental chaos as even the immortal Kant himself could ever have hoped to see in the prospect of which I rejoice
MR HILARY
Certainly ancient it is not a thing to rejoice at I am one of those who cannot see the good that is to result from all this mystifying and bluedevilling of society The contrast it presents to the cheerful and solid wisdom of antiquity is too forcible not to strike any one who has the least knowledge of classical literature To represent vice and misery as the necessary accompaniments of genius is as mischievous as it is false and the feeling is as unclassical as the language in which it is usually expressed
MR TOOBAD
It is our calamity The devil has come among us and has begun by taking possession of all the cleverest fellows Yet forsooth this is the enlightened age Marry how Did our ancestors go peeping about with dark lanterns and do we walk at our ease in broad sunshine Where is the manifestation of our light By what symptoms do you recognise it What are its signs its tokens its symptoms its symbols its categories its conditions What is it and why How where when is it to be seen felt and understood What do we see by it which our ancestors saw not and which at the same time is worth seeing We see a hundred men hanged where they saw one We see five hundred transported where they saw one We see five thousand in the workhouse where they saw one We see scores of Bible Societies where they saw none We see paper where they saw gold We see men in stays where they saw men in armour We see painted faces where they saw healthy ones We see children perishing in manufactories where they saw them flourishing in the fields We see prisons where they saw castles We see masters where they saw representatives In short they saw true men where we see false knaves They saw Milton and we see Mr Sackbut
MR FLOSKY
The false knave sir is my honest friend therefore I beseech you let him be countenanced God forbid but a knave should have some countenance at his friends request
MR TOOBAD
Good men and true was their common term like the chalos chagathos of the Athenians It is so long since men have been either good or true that it is to be questioned which is most obsolete the fact or the phraseology
MR CYPRESS
There is no worth nor beauty but in the mind's idea Love sows the wind and reaps the whirlwind9 Confusion thrice confounded is the portion of him who rests even for an instant on that most brittle of reeds—the affection of a human being The sum of our social destiny is to inflict or to endure10
MR HILARY
Rather to bear and forbear Mr Cypress—a maxim which you perhaps despise Ideal beauty is not the minds creation it is real beauty refined and purified in the mind's alembic from the alloy which always more or less accompanies it in our mixed and imperfect nature But still the gold exists in a very ample degree To expect too much is a disease in the expectant for which human nature is not responsible and in the common name of humanity I protest against these false and mischievous ravings To rail against humanity for not being abstract perfection and against human love for not realising all the splendid visions of the poets of chivalry is to rail at the summer for not being all sunshine and at the rose for not being always in bloom
MR CYPRESS
Human love Love is not an inhabitant of the earth We worship him as the Athenians did their unknown God but broken hearts are the martyrs of his faith and the eye shall never see the form which phantasy paints and which passion pursues through paths of delusive beauty among flowers whose odours are agonies and trees whose gums are poison11
MR HILARY
You talk like a Rosicrucian who will love nothing but a sylph who does not believe in the existence of a sylph and who yet quarrels with the whole universe for not containing a sylph
MR CYPRESS
The mind is diseased of its own beauty and fevers into false creation The forms which the sculptors soul has seized exist only in himself12
MR FLOSKY
Permit me to discept They are the mediums of common forms combined
and arranged into a common standard The ideal beauty of the Helen of
Zeuxis was the combined medium of the real beauty of the virgins of
Crotona
MR HILARY
But to make ideal beauty the shadow in the water and like the dog in the fable to throw away the substance in catching at the shadow is scarcely the characteristic of wisdom whatever it may be of genius To reconcile man as he is to the world as it is to preserve and improve all that is good and destroy or alleviate all that is evil in physical and moral nature—have been the hope and aim of the greatest teachers and ornaments of our species I will say too that the highest wisdom and the highest genius have been invariably accompanied with cheerfulness We have sufficient proofs on record that Shakspeare and Socrates were the most festive of companions But now the little wisdom and genius we have seem to be entering into a conspiracy against cheerfulness
MR TOOBAD
How can we be cheerful with the devil among us
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
How can we be cheerful when our nerves are shattered
MR FLOSKY
How can we be cheerful when we are surrounded by a reading public that is growing too wise for its betters
SCYTHROP
How can we be cheerful when our great general designs are crossed every moment by our little particular passions
MR CYPRESS
How can we be cheerful in the midst of disappointment and despair
MR GLOWRY
Let us all be unhappy together
MR HILARY
Let us sing a catch
MR GLOWRY
No a nice tragical ballad The Norfolk Tragedy to the tune of the
Hundredth Psalm
MR HILARY
I say a catch
MR GLOWRY
I say no A song from Mr Cypress
ALL
A song from Mr Cypress
MR CYPRESS sung—
There is a fever of the spirit
The brand of Cains unresting doom
Which in the lone dark souls that bear it
Glows like the lamp in Tullias tomb
Unlike that lamp its subtle fire
Burns blasts consumes its cell the heart
Till one by one hope joy desire
Like dreams of shadowy smoke depart
When hope love life itself are only
Dust—spectral memories—dead and cold—
The unfed fire burns bright and lonely
Like that undying lamp of old
And by that drear illumination
Till time its claybuilt home has rent
Thought broods on feelings desolation—
The soul is its own monument
MR GLOWRY
Admirable Let us all be unhappy together
MR HILARY
Now I say again a catch
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
I am for you
ME HILARY
Seamen three
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
Agreed Ill be Harry Gill with the voice of three Begin
MR HILARY AND THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
Seamen three I What men be ye
Gothams three wise men we be
Whither in your bowl so free
To rake the moon from out the sea
The bowl goes trim The moon doth shine
And our ballast is old wine
And your ballast is old wine
Who art thou so fast adrift
I am he they call Old Care
Here on board we will thee lift
No I may not enter there
Wherefore so Tis Joves decree
In a bowl Care may not be
In a bowl Care may not be
Pear ye not the waves that roll
No in charmed bowl we swim
What the charm that floats the bowl
Water may not pass the brim
The bowl goes trim The moon doth shine
And our ballast is old wine
And your ballast is old wine
This catch was so well executed by the spirit and science of Mr Hilary and the deep triune voice of the reverend gentleman that the whole party in spite of themselves caught the contagion and joined in chorus at the conclusion each raising a bumper to his lips
The bowl goes trim the moon doth shine
And our ballast is old wine
Mr Cypress having his ballast on board stepped the same evening into his bowl or travelling chariot and departed to rake seas and rivers lakes and canals for the moon of ideal beauty
CHAPTER XII
It was the custom of the Honourable Mr Listless on adjourning from the bottle to the ladies to retire for a few moments to make a second toilette that he might present himself in becoming taste Fatout attending as usual appeared with a countenance of great dismay and informed his master that he had just ascertained that the abbey was haunted Mrs Hilarys gentlewoman for whom Fatout had lately conceived a tendresse had been as she expressed it fritted out of her seventeen senses the preceding night as she was retiring to her bedchamber by a ghastly figure which she had met stalking along one of the galleries wrapped in a white shroud with a bloody turban on its head She had fainted away with fear and when she recovered she found herself in the dark and the figure was gone Sacre—cochon—bleu exclaimed Fatout giving very deliberate emphasis to every portion of his terrible oath—I vould not meet de revenant de ghost—non—not for all de bowldeponch in de vorld
Fatout said the Honourable Mr Listless did I ever see a ghost
Jamais monsieur never
Then I hope I never shall for in the present shattered state of my nerves I am afraid it would be too much for me There—loosen the lace of my stays a little for really this plebeian practice of eating—Not too loose—consider my shape That will do And I desire that you bring me no more stories of ghosts for though I do not believe in such things yet when one is awake in the night one is apt if one thinks of them to have fancies that give one a kind of a chill particularly if one opens ones eyes suddenly on ones dressing gown hanging in the moonlight between the bed and the window
The Honourable Mr Listless though he had prohibited Fatout from bringing him any more stories of ghosts could not help thinking of that which Fatout had already brought and as it was uppermost in his mind when he descended to the tea and coffee cups and the rest of the company in the library he almost involuntarily asked Mr Flosky whom he looked up to as a most oraculous personage whether any story of any ghost that had ever appeared to any one was entitled to any degree of belief
MR FLOSKY
By far the greater number to a very great degree
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Really that is very alarming
MR FLOSKY
Sunt geminoe somni portoe There are two gates through which ghosts find their way to the upper air fraud and selfdelusion In the latter case a ghost is a deceptio visûs an ocular spectrum an idea with the force of a sensation I have seen many ghosts myself I dare say there are few in this company who have not seen a ghost
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
I am happy to say I never have for one
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
We have such high authority for ghosts that it is rank scepticism to disbelieve them Job saw a ghost which came for the express purpose of asking a question and did not wait for an answer
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
Because Job was too frightened to give one
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
Spectres appeared to the Egyptians during the darkness with which
Moses covered Egypt The witch of Endor raised the ghost of Samuel
Moses and Elias appeared on Mount Tabor An evil spirit was sent into
the army of Sennacherib and exterminated it in a single night
MR TOOBAD
Saying The devil is come among you having great wrath
MR FLOSKY
Saint Macarius interrogated a skull which was found in the desert and made it relate in presence of several witnesses what was going forward in hell Saint Martin of Tours being jealous of a pretended martyr who was the rival saint of his neighbourhood called up his ghost and made him confess that he was damned Saint Germain being on his travels turned out of an inn a large party of ghosts who had every night taken possession of the table dhôte and consumed a copious supper
MR HILARY
Jolly ghosts and no doubt all friars A similar party took possession of the cellar of M Swebach the painter in Paris drank his wine and threw the empty bottles at his head
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
An atrocious act
MR FLOSKY
Pausanias relates that the neighing of horses and the tumult of combatants were heard every night on the field of Marathon that those who went purposely to hear these sounds suffered severely for their curiosity but those who heard them by accident passed with impunity
THE REVEREND MR LARYNX
I once saw a ghost myself in my study which is the last place where any one but a ghost would look for me I had not been into it for three months and was going to consult Tillotson when on opening the door I saw a venerable figure in a flannel dressing gown sitting in my armchair and reading my Jeremy Taylor It vanished in a moment and so did I and what it was or what it wanted I have never been able to ascertain
MR FLOSKY
It was an idea with the force of a sensation It is seldom that ghosts appeal to two senses at once but when I was in Devonshire the following story was well attested to me A young woman whose lover was at sea returning one evening over some solitary fields saw her lover sitting on a stile over which she was to pass Her first emotions were surprise and joy but there was a paleness and seriousness in his face that made them give place to alarm She advanced towards him and he said to her in a solemn voice The eye that hath seen me shall see me no more Thine eye is upon me but I am not And with these words he vanished and on that very day and hour as it afterwards appeared he had perished by shipwreck
The whole party now drew round in a circle and each related some ghostly anecdote heedless of the flight of time till in a pause of the conversation they heard the hollow tongue of midnight sounding twelve
MR HILARY
All these anecdotes admit of solution on psychological principles It is more easy for a soldier a philosopher or even a saint to be frightened at his own shadow than for a dead man to come out of his grave Medical writers cite a thousand singular examples of the force of imagination Persons of feeble nervous melancholy temperament exhausted by fever by labour or by spare diet will readily conjure up in the magic ring of their own phantasy spectres gorgons chimaeras and all the objects of their hatred and their love We are most of us like Don Quixote to whom a windmill was a giant and Dulcinea a magnificent princess all more or less the dupes of our own imagination though we do not all go so far as to see ghosts or to fancy ourselves pipkins and teapots
MR FLOSKY
I can safely say I have seen too many ghosts myself to believe in their external existence I have seen all kinds of ghosts black spirits and white red spirits and grey Some in the shapes of venerable old men who have met me in my rambles at noon some of beautiful young women who have peeped through my curtains at midnight
THE HONOURABLE MR LISTLESS
And have proved I doubt not palpable to feeling as to sight
MR FLOSKY
By no means sir You reflect upon my purity Myself and my friends particularly my friend Mr Sackbut are famous for our purity No sir genuine untangible ghosts I live in a world of ghosts I see a ghost at this moment
Mr Flosky fixed his eyes on a door at the farther end of the library The company looked in the same direction The door silently opened and a ghastly figure shrouded in white drapery with the semblance of a bloody turban on its head entered and stalked slowly up the apartment Mr Flosky familiar as he was with ghosts was not prepared for this apparition and made the best of his way out at the opposite door Mrs Hilary and Marionetta followed screaming The Honourable Mr Listless by two turns of his body rolled first off the sofa and then under it The Reverend Mr Larynx leaped up and fled with so much precipitation that he overturned the table on the foot of Mr Glowry Mr Glowry roared with pain hi the ear of Mr Toobad Mr Toobads alarm so bewildered his senses that missing the door he threw up one of the windows jumped out in his panic and plunged over head and ears in the moat Mr Asterias and his son who were on the watch for their mermaid were attracted by the splashing threw a net over him and dragged him to land
Scythrop and Mr Hilary meanwhile had hastened to his assistance and on arriving at the edge of the moat followed by several servants with ropes and torches found Mr Asterias and Aquarius busy in endeavouring to extricate Mr Toobad from the net who was entangled in the meshes and floundering with rage Scythrop was lost in amazement but Mr Hilary saw at one view all the circumstances of the adventure and burst into an immoderate fit of laughter on recovering from which he said to Mr Asterias You have caught an odd fish indeed Mr Toobad was highly exasperated at this unseasonable pleasantry but Mr Hilary softened his anger by producing a knife and cutting the Gordian knot of his reticular envelopment You see said Mr Toobad you see gentlemen in my unfortunate person proof upon proof of the present dominion of the devil in the affairs of this world and I have no doubt but that the apparition of this night was Apollyon himself in disguise sent for the express purpose of terrifying me into this complication of misadventures The devil is come among you having great wrath because he knoweth that he hath but a short time
CHAPTER XIII
Mr Glowry was much surprised on occasionally visiting Scythrops tower to find the door always locked and to be kept sometimes waiting many minutes for admission during which he invariably heard a heavy rolling sound like that of a ponderous mangle or of a waggon on a weighingbridge or of theatrical thunder
He took little notice of this for some time at length his curiosity was excited and one day instead of knocking at the door as usual the instant he reached it he applied his ear to the keyhole and like Bottom in the Midsummer Nights Dream spied a voice which he guessed to be of the feminine gender and knew to be not Scythrops whose deeper tones he distinguished at intervals Having attempted in vain to catch a syllable of the discourse he knocked violently at the door and roared for immediate admission The voices ceased the accustomed rolling sound was heard the door opened and Scythrop was discovered alone Mr Glowry looked round to every corner of the apartment and then said Where is the lady
The lady sir said Scythrop
Yes sir the lady
Sir I do not understand you
You dont sir
No indeed sir There is no lady here
But sir this is not the only apartment in the tower and I make no doubt there is a lady up stairs
You are welcome to search sir
Yes and while I am searching she will slip out from some lurking place and make her escape
You may lock this door sir and take the key with you
But there is the terrace door she has escaped by the terrace
The terrace sir has no other outlet and the walls are too high for a lady to jump down
Well sir give me the key
Mr Glowry took the key searched every nook of the tower and returned
You are a fox Scythrop you are an exceedingly cunning fox with that demure visage of yours What was that lumbering sound I heard before you opened the door
Sound sir
Yes sir sound
My dear sir I am not aware of any sound except my great table which I moved on rising to let you in
The table—let me see that No sir not a tenth part heavy enough not a tenth part
But sir you do not consider the laws of acoustics a whisper becomes a peal of thunder in the focus of reverberation Allow me to explain this sounds striking on concave surfaces are reflected from them and after reflection converge to points which are the foci of these surfaces It follows therefore that the ear may be so placed in one as that it shall hear a sound better than when situated nearer to the point of the first impulse again in the case of two concave surfaces placed opposite to each other—
Nonsense sir Dont tell me of foci Pray sir will concave surfaces produce two voices when nobody speaks I heard two voices and one was feminine feminine sir what say you to that
Oh sir I perceive your mistake I am writing a tragedy and was acting over a scene to myself To convince you I will give you a specimen but you must first understand the plot It is a tragedy on the German model The Great Mogul is in exile and has taken lodgings at Kensington with his only daughter the Princess Rantrorina who takes in needlework and keeps a day school The princess is discovered hemming a set of shirts for the parson of the parish they are to be marked with a large R Enter to her the Great Mogul A pause during which they look at each other expressively The princess changes colour several times The Mogul takes snuff in great agitation Several grains are heard to fall on the stage His heart is seen to beat through his upper benjamin—THE MOGUL with a mournful look at his left shoe My shoestring is broken—THE PRINCESS after an interval of melancholy reflection I know it THE MOGUL My second shoestring The first broke when I lost my empire the second has broken today When will my poor heart break—THE PRINCESS Shoestrings hearts and empires Mysterious sympathy
Nonsense sir interrupted Mr Glowry That is not at all like the voice I heard
But sir said Scythrop a keyhole may be so constructed as to act like an acoustic tube and an acoustic tube sir will modify sound in a very remarkable manner Consider the construction of the ear and the nature and causes of sound The external part of the ear is a cartilaginous funnel
It wont do Scythrop There is a girl concealed in this tower and find her I will There are such things as sliding panels and secret closets—He sounded round the room with his cane but detected no hollowness—I have heard sir he continued that during my absence two years ago you had a dumb carpenter closeted with you day after day I did not dream that you were laying contrivances for carrying on secret intrigues Young men will have their way I had my way when I was a young man but sir when your cousin Marionetta—
Scythrop now saw that the affair was growing serious To have clapped his hand upon his fathers mouth to have entreated him to be silent would in the first place not have made him so and in the second would have shown a dread of being overheard by somebody His only resource therefore was to try to drown Mr Glowrys voice and having no other subject he continued his description of the ear raising his voice continually as Mr Glowry raised his
When your cousin Marionetta said Mr Glowry whom you profess to love—whom you profess to love sir—
The internal canal of the ear said Scythrop is partly bony and partly cartilaginous This internal canal is—
Is actually in the house sir and when you are so shortly to be—as
I expect—
Closed at the further end by the membrana tympani—
Joined together in holy matrimony—
Under which is carried a branch of the fifth pair of nerves—
I say sir when you are so shortly to be married to your cousin
Marionetta—
The cavitas tympani—
A loud noise was heard behind the bookcase which to the astonishment of Mr Glowry opened in the middle and the massy compartments with all their weight of books receding from each other in the manner of a theatrical scene with a heavy rolling sound which Mr Glowry immediately recognised to be the same which had excited his curiosity disclosed an interior apartment in the entrance of which stood the beautiful Stella who stepping forward exclaimed Married Is he going to be married The profligate
Really madam said Mr Glowry I do not know what he is going to do or what I am going to do or what any one is going to do for all this is incomprehensible
I can explain it all said Scythrop in a most satisfactory manner if you will but have the goodness to leave us alone
Pray sir to which act of the tragedy of the Great Mogul does this incident belong
I entreat you my dear sir leave us alone
Stella threw herself into a chair and burst into a tempest of tears Scythrop sat down by her and took her hand She snatched her hand away and turned her back upon him He rose sat down on the other side and took her other hand She snatched it away and turned from him again Scythrop continued entreating Mr Glowry to leave them alone but the old gentleman was obstinate and would not go
I suppose after all said Mr Glowry maliciously it is only a phænomenon in acoustics and this young lady is a reflection of sound from concave surfaces
Some one tapped at the door Mr Glowry opened it and Mr Hilary entered He had been seeking Mr Glowry and had traced him to Scythrops tower He stood a few moments in silent surprise and then addressed himself to Mr Glowry for an explanation
The explanation said Mr Glowry is very satisfactory The Great Mogul has taken lodgings at Kensington and the external part of the ear is a cartilaginous funnel
Mr Glowry that is no explanation
Mr Hilary it is all I know about the matter
Sir this pleasantry is very unseasonable I perceive that my niece is sported with in a most unjustifiable manner and I shall see if she will be more successful in obtaining an intelligible answer And he departed in search of Marionetta
Scythrop was now in a hopeless predicament Mr Hilary made a hue and cry in the abbey and summoned his wife and Marionetta to Scythrops apartment The ladies not knowing what was the matter hastened in great consternation Mr Toobad saw them sweeping along the corridor and judging from their manner that the devil had manifested his wrath in some new shape followed from pure curiosity
Scythrop meanwhile vainly endeavoured to get rid of Mr Glowry and to pacify Stella The latter attempted to escape from the tower declaring she would leave the abbey immediately and he should never see her or hear of her more Scythrop held her hand and detained her by force till Mr Hilary reappeared with Mrs Hilary and Marionetta Marionetta seeing Scythrop grasping the hand of a strange beauty fainted away in the arms of her aunt Scythrop flew to her assistance and Stella with redoubled anger sprang towards the door but was intercepted in her intended flight by being caught in the arms of Mr Toobad who exclaimed—Celinda
Papa said the young lady disconsolately
The devil is come among you said Mr Toobad how came my daughter here
Your daughter exclaimed Mr Glowry
Your daughter exclaimed Scythrop and Mr and Mrs Hilary
Yes said Mr Toobad my daughter Celinda
Marionetta opened her eyes and fixed them on Celinda Celinda in return fixed hers on Marionetta They were at remote points of the apartment Scythrop was equidistant from both of them central and motionless like Mahomets coffin
Mr Glowry said Mr Toobad can you tell by what means my daughter came here
I know no more said Mr Glowry than the Great Mogul
Mr Scythrop said Mr Toobad how came my daughter here
I did not know sir that the lady was your daughter
But how came she here
By spontaneous locomotion said Scythrop sullenly
Celinda said Mr Toobad what does all this mean
I really do not know sir
This is most unaccountable When I told you in London that I had chosen a husband for you you thought proper to run away from him and now to all appearance you have run away to him
How sir was that your choice
Precisely and if he is yours too we shall be both of a mind for the first time in our lives
He is not my choice sir This lady has a prior claim I renounce him
And I renounce him said Marionetta
Scythrop knew not what to do He could not attempt to conciliate the one without irreparably offending the other and he was so fond of both that the idea of depriving himself for ever of the society of either was intolerable to him he therefore retreated into his stronghold mystery maintained an impenetrable silence and contented himself with stealing occasionally a deprecating glance at each of the objects of his idolatry Mr Toobad and Mr Hilary in the mean time were each insisting on an explanation from Mr Glowry who they thought had been playing a double game on this occasion Mr Glowry was vainly endeavouring to persuade them of his innocence in the whole transaction Mrs Hilary was endeavouring to mediate between her husband and brother The Honourable Mr Listless the Reverend Mr Larynx Mr Flosky Mr Asterias and Aquarius were attracted by the tumult to the scene of action and were appealed to severally and conjointly by the respective disputants Multitudinous questions and answers en masse composed a charivari to which the genius of Rossini alone could have given a suitable accompaniment and which was only terminated by Mrs Hilary and Mr Toobad retreating with the captive damsels The whole party followed with the exception of Scythrop who threw himself into his armchair crossed his left foot over his right knee placed the hollow of his left hand on the interior ancle of his left leg rested his right elbow on the elbow of the chair placed the ball of his right thumb against his right temple curved the forefinger along the upper part of his forehead rested the point of the middle finger on the bridge of his nose and the points of the two others on the lower part of the palm fixed his eyes intently on the veins in the back of his left hand and sat in this position like the immoveable Theseus who as is well known to many who have not been at college and to some few who have sedet oeternumque sedebit13 We hope the admirers of the minutiæ in poetry and romance will appreciate this accurate description of a pensive attitude
CHAPTER XIV
Scythrop was still in this position when Raven entered to announce that dinner was on table
I cannot come said Scythrop
Raven sighed Something is the matter said Raven but man is born to trouble
Leave me said Scythrop go and croak elsewhere
Thus it is said Raven Fiveandtwenty years have I lived in Nightmare Abbey and now all the reward of my affection is—Go and croak elsewhere I have danced you on my knee and fed you with marrow
Good Raven said Scythrop I entreat you to leave me
Shall I bring your dinner here said Raven A boiled fowl and a glass of Madeira are prescribed by the faculty in cases of low spirits But you had better join the party it is very much reduced already
Reduced how
The Honourable Mr Listless is gone He declared that what with family quarrels in the morning and ghosts at night he could get neither sleep nor peace and that the agitation was too much for his nerves though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow walking in his sleep and that the shroud and bloody turban were a sheet and a red nightcap
Well sir
The Reverend Mr Larynx has been called off on duty to marry or bury I dont know which some unfortunate person or persons at Claydyke but man is born to trouble
Is that all
No Mr Toobad is gone too and a strange lady with him
Gone
Gone And Mr and Mrs Hilary and Miss OCarroll they are all gone There is nobody left but Mr Asterias and his son and they are going tonight
Then I have lost them both
Wont you come to dinner
No
Shall I bring your dinner here
Yes
What will you have
A pint of port and a pistol14
A pistol
And a pint of port I will make my exit like Werter Go Stay Did
Miss OCarroll say any thing
No
Did Miss Toobad say any thing
The strange lady No
Did either of them cry
No
What did they do
Nothing
What did Mr Toobad say
He said fifty times over the devil was come among us
And they are gone
Yes and the dinner is getting cold There is a time for every thing under the sun You may as well dine first and be miserable afterwards
True Raven There is something in that I will take your advice therefore bring me——
The port and the pistol
No the boiled fowl and Madeira
Scythrop had dined and was sipping his Madeira alone immersed in melancholy musing when Mr Glowry entered followed by Raven who having placed an additional glass and set a chair for Mr Glowry withdrew Mr Glowry sat down opposite Scythrop After a pause during which each filled and drank in silence Mr Glowry said So sir you have played your cards well I proposed Miss Toobad to you you refused her Mr Toobad proposed you to her she refused you You fell in love with Marionetta and were going to poison yourself because from pure fatherly regard to your temporal interests I withheld my consent When at length I offered you my consent you told me I was too precipitate And after all I find you and Miss Toobad living together in the same tower and behaving in every respect like two plighted lovers Now sir if there be any rational solution of all this absurdity I shall be very much obliged to you for a small glimmering of information
The solution sir is of little moment but I will leave it in writing for your satisfaction The crisis of my fate is come the world is a stage and my direction is exit
Do not talk so sir—do not talk so Scythrop What would you have
I would have my love
And pray sir who is your love
Celinda—Marionetta—either—both
Both That may do very well in a German tragedy and the Great Mogul might have found it very feasible in his lodgings at Kensington but it will not do in Lincolnshire Will you have Miss Toobad
Yes
And renounce Marionetta
No
But you must renounce one
I cannot
And you cannot have both What is to be done
I must shoot myself
Dont talk so Scythrop Be rational my dear Scythrop Consider and make a cool calm choice and I will exert myself in your behalf
Why should I choose sir Both have renounced me I have no hope of either
Tell me which you will have and I will plead your cause irresistibly
Well sir—I will have—no sir I cannot renounce either I cannot choose either I am doomed to be the victim of eternal disappointments and I have no resource but a pistol
Scythrop—Scythrop—if one of them should come to you—what then
That sir might alter the case but that cannot be
It can be Scythrop it will be I promise you it will be Have but a little patience—but a weeks patience and it shall be
A week sir is an age but to oblige you as a last act of filial duty I will live another week It is now Thursday evening twentyfive minutes past seven At this hour and minute on Thursday next love and fate shall smile on me or I will drink my last pint of port in this world
Mr Glowry ordered his travelling chariot and departed from the abbey
CHAPTER XV
The day after Mr Glowrys departure was one of incessant rain and Scythrop repented of the promise he had given The next day was one of bright sunshine he sat on the terrace read a tragedy of Sophocles and was not sorry when Raven announced dinner to find himself alive On the third evening the wind blew and the rain beat and the owl flapped against his windows and he put a new flint in his pistol On the fourth day the sun shone again and he locked the pistol up in a drawer where he left it undisturbed till the morning of the eventful Thursday when he ascended the turret with a telescope and spied anxiously along the road that crossed the fens from Claydyke but nothing appeared on it He watched in this manner from ten AM till Raven summoned him to dinner at five when he stationed Crow at the telescope and descended to his own funeralfeast He left open the communications between the tower and turret and called aloud at intervals to Crow—Crow Crow is any thing coming Crow answered The wind blows and the windmills turn but I see nothing coming and at every answer Scythrop found the necessity of raising his spirits with a bumper After dinner he gave Raven his watch to set by the abbey clock Raven brought it Scythrop placed it on the table and Raven departed Scythrop called again to Crow and Crow who had fallen asleep answered mechanically I see nothing coming Scythrop laid his pistol between his watch and his bottle The hourhand passed the VII—the minutehand moved on—it was within three minutes of the appointed time Scythrop called again to Crow Crow answered as before Scythrop rang the bell Raven appeared
Raven said Scythrop the clock is too fast
No indeed said Raven who knew nothing of Scythrops intentions if any thing it is too slow
Villain said Scythrop pointing the pistol at him it is too fast
Yes—yes—too fast I meant said Raven in manifest fear
How much too fast said Scythrop
As much as you please said Raven
How much I say said Scythrop pointing the pistol again
An hour a full hour sir said the terrified butler
Put back my watch said Scythrop
Raven with trembling hand was putting back the watch when the rattle of wheels was heard in the court and Scythrop springing down the stairs by three steps together was at the door in sufficient time to have handed either of the young ladies from the carriage if she had happened to be in it but Mr Glowry was alone
I rejoice to see you said Mr Glowry I was fearful of being too late for I waited till the last moment in the hope of accomplishing my promise but all my endeavours have been vain as these letters will show
Scythrop impatiently broke the seals The contents were these
Almost a stranger in England I fled from parental tyranny and the dread of an arbitrary marriage to the protection of a stranger and a philosopher whom I expected to find something better than or at least something different from the rest of his worthless species Could I after what has occurred have expected nothing more from you than the commonplace impertinence of sending your father to treat with me and with mine for me I should be a little moved in your favour if I could believe you capable of carrying into effect the resolutions which your father says you have taken in the event of my proving inflexible though I doubt not you will execute them as far as relates to the pint of wine twice over at least I wish you much happiness with Miss OCarroll I shall always cherish a grateful recollection of Nightmare Abbey for having been the means of introducing me to a true transcendentalist and though he is a little older than myself which is all one in Germany I shall very soon have the pleasure of subscribing myself
CELINDA FLOSKY
I hope my dear cousin that you will not be angry with me but that you will always think of me as a sincere friend who will always feel interested in your welfare I am sure you love Miss Toobad much better than me and I wish you much happiness with her Mr Listless assures me that people do not kill themselves for love nowadays though it is still the fashion to talk about it I shall in a very short time change my name and situation and shall always be happy to see you in Berkeley Square when to the unalterable designation of your affectionate cousin I shall subjoin the signature of
MARIONETTA LISTLESS
Scythrop tore both the letters to atoms and railed in good set terms against the fickleness of women
Calm yourself my dear Scythrop said Mr Glowry there are yet maidens in England
Very true sir said Scythrop
And the next time said Mr Glowry have but one string to your bow
Very good advice sir said Scythrop
And besides said Mr Glowry the fatal time is past for it is now almost eight
Then that villain Raven said Scythrop deceived me when he said that the clock was too fast but as you observe very justly the time has gone by and I have just reflected that these repeated crosses in love qualify me to take a very advanced degree in misanthropy and there is therefore good hope that I may make a figure in the world But I shall ring for the rascal Raven and admonish him
Raven appeared Scythrop looked at him very fiercely two or three minutes and Raven still remembering the pistol stood quaking in mute apprehension till Scythrop pointing significantly towards the diningroom said Bring some Madeira
THE END